transcript

Speaker 1:
[00:00] The 93X Half-Assed Morning Show.

Speaker 2:
[00:17] I can see the gleam in everybody's eyes. It's F-Off Day. It is. And we're about ready to get some. Welcome, everyone, to the 93X Half-Assed Morning Show. I just checked out our text machine. That's where our outstanding listening audience can always reach us. The number is 651-989-9393. Brought to you by the wonderful people, at Luther Key of Bloomington. I just checked out our text machine and something caught my eye. A listener texted in to ask us a question. And the question is this, Josh, do you know what mistake the Denver Nuggets made last night? And the answer is, according to our listener, the answer is, to quote Rudy Gobert, they underestimated greatness.

Speaker 3:
[01:18] They did, didn't they?

Speaker 4:
[01:19] Sure did.

Speaker 2:
[01:19] That's hilarious. That was a quote from Gobert last week. When he did not win the Defensive Player of the Year Award, he said, they underestimate greatness.

Speaker 3:
[01:32] He was right.

Speaker 2:
[01:33] Oh, that's funny.

Speaker 3:
[01:35] Who was the guy in the Jokic uniform yesterday?

Speaker 2:
[01:39] The guy in the...

Speaker 3:
[01:40] Was that the Joker? Because it sure didn't look like him last night, did it?

Speaker 2:
[01:44] No, he did not look like himself.

Speaker 3:
[01:46] Is he distracted? Does he have something else going on?

Speaker 2:
[01:48] Yeah, I don't know.

Speaker 4:
[01:49] He was looking forward to going back to his horses in his home country.

Speaker 3:
[01:52] Oh, he does love that, doesn't he?

Speaker 4:
[01:53] He does.

Speaker 3:
[01:53] I kind of like that about him, actually.

Speaker 2:
[01:55] Some people might give Rudy credit for that, that Jokic doesn't look like himself. Others might not give Rudy credit for that. But I said it a couple of days ago. I think a few of the guys on the Wolves' roster are friggin nuts. And that adds to the fun. That text lit a fire under me this morning. That's funnier than hell. What mistake did the Denver Nuggets make last night? They underestimated greatness. We'll get to all this a little bit later on when Randy Shaver and Brad Ryder swing into the mix. What else is going on, Josh?

Speaker 3:
[02:32] How are you feeling?

Speaker 2:
[02:33] Terrible.

Speaker 3:
[02:34] Yeah, you didn't look so good this morning.

Speaker 2:
[02:36] I feel awful.

Speaker 3:
[02:38] And I mean that in the best of ways out of concern, friend, not to say anything disparaging. But yeah, you look like you weren't feeling too good.

Speaker 2:
[02:45] No, I have very little interest in this. Let me throw this your way. If you remember back when the big fat ass college basketball tournament was happening a month ago, the March Madness gimmick, right, someone came up with a pop culture related bracket style tournament. Do you remember what it was?

Speaker 3:
[03:10] Oh, not things that hit different.

Speaker 5:
[03:14] Oh, the places, the best places to like go to the bathroom or have sex?

Speaker 2:
[03:20] Could have been. I can't quite recall. But someone...

Speaker 5:
[03:22] I remember bathrooms being involved somehow.

Speaker 2:
[03:24] When the basketball, the college basketball tournament was happening, someone came up with a cute pop culture related bracket style tournament. I know we jaw jacked back and forth. It doesn't matter if we can't remember. I was just... I couldn't. I couldn't recollect. I thought maybe one of yous could. But now that the NBA and NHL playoffs are rolling, now someone out there drew this up, a bracket style tournament. And this is a bracket of some of the funniest movies by decade to determine the best of all time, if in fact anyone could ever pinpoint the best comedic movie of all time. They bracketed it out by decade, 80s, 90s, 2000s, and the 2010s. You want to hear some of the opening round matchups?

Speaker 4:
[04:24] Yeah, I like this.

Speaker 2:
[04:25] Funniest movies of all time by decade. Let's go just for laughs and because it's an F-off day, let's start with the most recent. Let's look first at the 2010s region. 2010s region. And they start off, well, Jesus, I mean, personally, I don't think this is much of a matchup. This is like when Duke plays the University of California, Irvine, technical, public and...

Speaker 3:
[05:00] I agree. Some of these matchups aren't even fair. I was going to ask, though, is it, I haven't seen some of the movies. So does that mean you can't?

Speaker 2:
[05:07] I mean, you can do whatever you want to do, Cubby.

Speaker 3:
[05:09] Because when it comes to March Madness, a lot of these teams you've never watched, but you still make a pick. Sure. So it's OK to do. I didn't know if you had to step out if you haven't seen the movie.

Speaker 2:
[05:17] Cubby, you've known me for a long time. There's a lot of movies that I've never watched, but I hate them anyway.

Speaker 3:
[05:22] That's true.

Speaker 2:
[05:25] Make a pick. Yeah, all you got to do is make a pick. That's a good point.

Speaker 3:
[05:28] Just want to be transparent.

Speaker 2:
[05:31] You are nothing if not transparent.

Speaker 3:
[05:33] That's right. Translucent as well. Look how you can see right through my very pasty skin.

Speaker 5:
[05:38] Yeah, you need to get a tan.

Speaker 2:
[05:39] You never get outdoors, ever.

Speaker 3:
[05:41] No, no. Son's a monster.

Speaker 2:
[05:43] 2010's region, here's the first matchup, which I think is a bit of a mismatch, and it would be the other guys.

Speaker 3:
[05:51] Love it.

Speaker 2:
[05:53] I don't think a day goes by, at least on my satellite program. What do I call what I'm looking at on television?

Speaker 3:
[06:02] You have cable television?

Speaker 2:
[06:03] No, I have streaming, I think.

Speaker 3:
[06:06] You've got streaming services.

Speaker 2:
[06:07] Direct TV. What do you call that?

Speaker 3:
[06:09] That's satellite.

Speaker 2:
[06:10] Oh, satellite, really? I got it right the first time. I don't think a day goes by where one of my channels on my television, is how I probably should have said it. I don't think a day goes by where one of those channels isn't showing the other guys. With your Will Ferrell and your Mark Wahlberg and your Michael Keaton and the other, The Rock, although he's in it for 10 minutes. The other guys in the opening round takes on one of the worst movies I've ever watched, Hot Rod.

Speaker 3:
[06:39] I've never seen that one. It sure didn't look good.

Speaker 2:
[06:41] It's terrible.

Speaker 5:
[06:41] Yeah, that is not a fair matchup.

Speaker 3:
[06:43] That's why I didn't watch it. Yeah, that's not fair to Hot Rod and Hot Rod fans.

Speaker 2:
[06:46] But you get these kinds of matchups in these bracket style tournaments. You get your mismatches now and again.

Speaker 3:
[06:52] You're hoping for a Cinderella story. I don't see that happening here. But the other guys is so good. I was shocked just this week I was talking about that movie with a buddy who's never seen it. And I know he'd love it. I can't wait for him to watch it. I made a reference to it and he had no... Deskpop, one of the most famous scenes from the movie. I made a Deskpop reference and he didn't have a clue what I was talking about.

Speaker 2:
[07:13] Wouldn't that be something if the guy comes back and says, Kiss my ass, I hated the movie?

Speaker 3:
[07:17] That is a fear, right? When you're so excited about a movie and you tell somebody you really got to see it and they come back and they think, What's wrong with you, man?

Speaker 2:
[07:24] Jesus.

Speaker 4:
[07:24] Or when you're watching it with somebody like a significant other and you're kind of peeking over to see if they're enjoying it because you really want them to like it as much as you do. And with my taste in things that rarely happens with my wife and she likes something that I enjoy.

Speaker 2:
[07:38] Three words for you, cowboys and aliens.

Speaker 3:
[07:42] Yeah, I really like the actors in there. I was excited to see it. I thought it was such a silly premise. Maybe they do all right.

Speaker 4:
[07:50] That was not good.

Speaker 2:
[07:52] On the topic of, you know, a friend suggests a movie.

Speaker 4:
[07:55] Yeah.

Speaker 2:
[07:56] And it blows or you sit down and watch a movie with a friend and they say, you got to see this. And the movie blows. Many years ago, a dude I used to drink with walked up to me and said, have you watched the movie Cowboys Plus Aliens? And I said, I've never even heard of it. And he said, you got to see this movie.

Speaker 6:
[08:12] Oh, my God.

Speaker 2:
[08:13] It's so great. You're going to love it. And I raced right home and I said, all right, let me find this cowboy. The next time I hated it, the next time I saw this guy, I said, I don't think you and I can drink together anymore.

Speaker 4:
[08:27] Broke up with a drinking buddy.

Speaker 3:
[08:28] He must not know you very well because I can't imagine you ever watching this movie.

Speaker 2:
[08:34] I think he was, what's the word, Josh? I think he was suggesting it to everyone.

Speaker 3:
[08:39] But I said, even so, I'd skip over you on that one.

Speaker 2:
[08:42] I said, I don't think you and I can drink together anymore. All right. So we're picking the other guys over Hot Rod. Next up in this 2010s region, as far as best comedy movies. Bridesmaids takes on now, here's where I'm in the dark, The Nice Guys.

Speaker 4:
[09:02] Oh, it's a wonderful movie. Ryan Gosling and Russell Crowe.

Speaker 5:
[09:04] Oh, yeah. That is a great movie.

Speaker 3:
[09:06] I didn't see that one, but I liked Bridesmaids quite a bit.

Speaker 4:
[09:08] Bridesmaids is absolutely lights out funny wall to wall.

Speaker 5:
[09:11] Yeah, I'm going to go with Bridesmaids here.

Speaker 3:
[09:13] What about you, Dana?

Speaker 4:
[09:14] Yeah, I do give the edge to Brian. I mean, I think The Nice Guys is probably a better overall movie, but it was not nearly as funny. If we're going just comedy, Bridesmaids is lights out.

Speaker 2:
[09:24] I didn't realize this until now, looking at this 2010s bracket of supposedly funny movies, I didn't realize that there were more than one here that I hadn't seen yet. Okay, so we're going with Bridesmaids. Next matchup, Horrible Bosses.

Speaker 3:
[09:46] Loved it. Yeah.

Speaker 4:
[09:47] Yeah, that was fun.

Speaker 3:
[09:48] Jennifer Aniston broke me.

Speaker 4:
[09:50] I know.

Speaker 3:
[09:50] What the heck was she doing in that movie?

Speaker 2:
[09:52] It was all AI.

Speaker 4:
[09:53] She was horny.

Speaker 3:
[09:54] Was there AI back then?

Speaker 2:
[09:56] Everything from the neck down.

Speaker 3:
[09:57] Holy cow.

Speaker 5:
[09:59] I love anything with Charlie Day in it.

Speaker 4:
[10:00] You too, Ashley.

Speaker 2:
[10:02] I was disappointed to learn that everything from the neck down with Jennifer Aniston's character was AI.

Speaker 3:
[10:08] She was a different Jennifer Aniston that I had ever seen.

Speaker 2:
[10:13] I thought that movie was fairly enjoyable. I thought it was decent. Horrible.

Speaker 3:
[10:19] I didn't see the sequel. Did anybody?

Speaker 5:
[10:21] Yeah, I did.

Speaker 2:
[10:22] Nobody saw the sequel.

Speaker 5:
[10:23] It's not as good as the first one, of course. I feel like it never is, but...

Speaker 4:
[10:27] Serviceable, I'd say.

Speaker 2:
[10:28] Jason Bateman can make anything work.

Speaker 5:
[10:32] God, yeah, he's so good.

Speaker 3:
[10:34] He's one of my favorites.

Speaker 2:
[10:35] I don't even know. Okay, I know Jennifer Aniston, of course. Okay, Horrible Bosses. Enjoyable comedy. This is, in my opinion, another mismatch here as far as this bracket tournament goes because Horrible Bosses is going up against, again, one of the worst piles of feces that I've ever endured. So I don't even know why it made its way into this tournament. But, you know, this is fresh off social media. Who knows who wrote this up? Horrible Bosses goes up against a movie called This Is The End. Has anyone else suffered through this garbage?

Speaker 3:
[11:16] That's another one I didn't see.

Speaker 4:
[11:18] I really liked that movie.

Speaker 2:
[11:19] Oh, my God, that is...

Speaker 5:
[11:21] It's been so long, though.

Speaker 4:
[11:23] It's got that Danny McBride character in it that you hate so much.

Speaker 2:
[11:26] And everyone else I hated in the movie as well. It's terrible.

Speaker 3:
[11:29] They got a lot of big names in there.

Speaker 2:
[11:30] Terrible. 21 Jump Street.

Speaker 3:
[11:35] I enjoyed that.

Speaker 4:
[11:35] Very funny movie.

Speaker 2:
[11:37] I also thought that was pretty cute. Against, I don't know, Book Smart?

Speaker 3:
[11:42] I had to look it up. I'd never heard of that.

Speaker 4:
[11:44] Oh, that movie is absolutely wonderful. It's hilarious. It's about two high school girls that are about to graduate. They're the nerds, valedictorian types, and they decide to go out for, you know, we never partied. We need to party one time before we graduate. And it sounds like a simple premise, but it's executed so flawlessly. It's just great.

Speaker 5:
[12:02] Oh, I've never seen this. And now I'm very excited because I love Caitlin Dever.

Speaker 4:
[12:08] Yep.

Speaker 5:
[12:08] I love her.

Speaker 3:
[12:10] Yeah, I only recognized a couple of people in this. Who's she?

Speaker 5:
[12:15] What else is she in? Gosh, I don't know. She's always in like random movies that.

Speaker 4:
[12:19] She pops up in things and anytime you see her like, Oh, OK, she's in this.

Speaker 5:
[12:23] She's in Last Man Standing, Nick's favorite show.

Speaker 3:
[12:26] Oh, yeah. Where is that again? And who stars in Last Man Standing?

Speaker 2:
[12:30] Last Man Standing.

Speaker 3:
[12:31] Yeah.

Speaker 2:
[12:31] The sitcom. Yeah.

Speaker 3:
[12:32] You did commercials forever. You're a fan. I know.

Speaker 2:
[12:35] It's you can see it on Channel 45.

Speaker 3:
[12:37] OK.

Speaker 2:
[12:39] The lead character, is that what you're looking for? Carl Weathers.

Speaker 3:
[12:42] Yes.

Speaker 2:
[12:45] OK. Now we will shift our focus over to the 2000s. This one, again, this is a bracket style tournament that somebody fired out onto the Internet where they're matching up some of the supposedly funniest movies by decade to try to find a number one answer. The 2000s region is much more recognizable overall, I think, for all of us. Superbad versus Borat is the first matchup.

Speaker 3:
[13:20] That's tough.

Speaker 4:
[13:20] That's really tough.

Speaker 5:
[13:22] That's really hard.

Speaker 3:
[13:22] This was the first one that I kind of struggled on, but I think I'm going to go superbad.

Speaker 2:
[13:27] Oh really?

Speaker 5:
[13:27] I'm going to go Borat.

Speaker 4:
[13:28] Borat.

Speaker 5:
[13:29] God, Borat.

Speaker 2:
[13:30] I'm surprised to hear you go superbad, just because I don't think I've ever seen you in such a tizzy than after you watched Borat. You were...

Speaker 3:
[13:43] I had never seen anything like that.

Speaker 2:
[13:45] You had difficulty catching your breath after you saw Borat. You enjoyed yourself so thoroughly.

Speaker 5:
[13:51] Did you walk around talking like that for a while?

Speaker 2:
[13:54] Oh, who did?

Speaker 7:
[13:55] My wife.

Speaker 3:
[13:56] I still do sometimes.

Speaker 5:
[13:57] Yeah, so does my husband. It's like an everyday thing. So I have to pick that movie.

Speaker 2:
[14:03] We still walk around this building saying, my wife, we still walk around this movie saying, around this movie. Did I say that twice? We still walk around this building is what I was trying to say, saying, wa-wa-we-wa.

Speaker 3:
[14:15] Yeah, I mean, it was tough because Borat, I hadn't seen anything like that. It was so clever, right? And his bravery, I mean, my gosh, he's not afraid of anything. I mean, you know, a lot of these people don't realize he's making a movie, or that's what they claim, at least. But I'd never seen Jonah Hill before until Superbad. And it's just that movie. I don't know what it was about that movie, but I just really enjoyed it.

Speaker 2:
[14:37] In my opinion, in my opinion, Superbad kind of starts out hot and then it dwindles.

Speaker 3:
[14:41] Borat, Borat was way smart.

Speaker 2:
[14:44] I would take that over Superbad any day. Now we go with the Overhang vs. Anchorman.

Speaker 3:
[14:54] Anchorman for me.

Speaker 2:
[14:56] Overhang also is one that I think kind of starts out hot and then it kind of, and then of course, Overhang stars that dude who I can't stand, the guy.

Speaker 1:
[15:08] Hey, bitches.

Speaker 2:
[15:09] Oh, yeah.

Speaker 5:
[15:10] I forgot you hate him.

Speaker 3:
[15:11] I kind of ruined it.

Speaker 2:
[15:12] I hate that character. I hate that guy. Overhang versus Anchorman.

Speaker 5:
[15:18] Anchorman.

Speaker 2:
[15:18] We're going Anchorman.

Speaker 5:
[15:19] That's just anything with Will Ferrell.

Speaker 4:
[15:21] I'd say Anchorman is more quotable, but I think overall in terms of funnier movie, I'd say Hangover.

Speaker 2:
[15:25] Yeah.

Speaker 3:
[15:26] I wish I'd never heard anybody say anything about the Hangover beforehand because it was built up so much when I saw it. Obviously, it's funny and I enjoyed it, but I don't know. Like the main guy that they lose, I kind of thought, just keep them lost. Exactly. I will say that, oh my gosh, the guy from Between Two Ferns, Zach Galifianakis was great.

Speaker 4:
[15:46] He was funny.

Speaker 3:
[15:47] I mean, there's a couple of moments where I thought, I can't believe they put that in the movie like the baby scene.

Speaker 5:
[15:51] Oh my God.

Speaker 3:
[15:53] Hey, look what he's doing.

Speaker 2:
[15:57] What does this say? Wedding Crashers, next matchup in the 2000s bracket is Wedding Crashers and Old School.

Speaker 3:
[16:07] Old School.

Speaker 2:
[16:08] Yeah, I don't think this is much of a contest.

Speaker 3:
[16:09] Yeah, Wedding Crashers was good, but I mean, Old School is a classic.

Speaker 2:
[16:13] Right. Step Brothers, didn't we already do that?

Speaker 5:
[16:17] That's got to win.

Speaker 3:
[16:18] No.

Speaker 2:
[16:18] No. Oh, other guys in Step Brothers, I got confused.

Speaker 5:
[16:21] Whatever it's against, Step Brothers wins.

Speaker 2:
[16:23] Step Brothers, and they're taking on Zoolander.

Speaker 5:
[16:29] That's such a joke.

Speaker 4:
[16:31] Zoolander couldn't handle the Catalina wine mixer.

Speaker 3:
[16:33] I haven't seen that one. I haven't seen Zoolander.

Speaker 5:
[16:36] It looked pretty terrible. Yeah, it's not worth your time. Step Brothers, I used to watch that all the time.

Speaker 2:
[16:42] Zoolander! He has this little wimpy voice and he's a little model and he doesn't know what this is and that is. Ben Stiller can be so chocable sometimes.

Speaker 5:
[16:55] Yeah, I don't really like him.

Speaker 3:
[16:57] I was just gonna ask, do I like Ben Stiller? I mean, there's times I definitely do and there's other times I'm with you.

Speaker 2:
[17:02] You know who we all like is dad.

Speaker 3:
[17:04] Oh, my God.

Speaker 4:
[17:06] Dad is awesome.

Speaker 3:
[17:06] Absolutely hilarious. I just watched, I showed my youngest, Tropic Thunder the other day. I forgot how violent that movie was.

Speaker 5:
[17:15] How do you like that?

Speaker 3:
[17:17] He liked it.

Speaker 5:
[17:18] Of course, that's awesome.

Speaker 2:
[17:19] Of course, we could pick this apart all day long and that's pointless, but I am a little surprised that Tropic Thunder didn't make its way into this conversation. But this is a bracket of funny movies that some swing and d put together all by himself in his grandmother's basement. You know, there's no point in. Oh, well, Offended Millennial Jesus has texted in to ask us a question. What movie in the theater made you laugh the hardest?

Speaker 5:
[17:50] Oh, I have no idea.

Speaker 4:
[17:52] Borat, I almost threw up laughing.

Speaker 3:
[17:53] Okay, now, I left quite a bit there.

Speaker 2:
[17:55] Offended Millennial Jesus said this. He said the other guys left him wheezing. Did we already talk about the other guys?

Speaker 5:
[18:04] Yeah. Yes, we did. That was the first one.

Speaker 2:
[18:06] The cop movie, right.

Speaker 5:
[18:07] I don't think I've ever tried really hard to think about it, but I don't think I've ever watched a comedy in a movie theater. It's usually scary movies or something really trippy, like Avatar, something you want to see in 3D.

Speaker 3:
[18:22] Maybe Dumb and Dumber. I mean, Borat, certainly.

Speaker 2:
[18:26] We may get to Dumb and Dumber. We may get to Austin Powers and movies like that eventually in this bracket matchup, because we still haven't even gotten to the 90s or the 80s yet. I laughed my nuts off at the very first Austin Powers in the theater. I laughed my nuts off at Dumb and Dumber in the theater. But if I was to pick one, the hardest I ever laughed at a comedy while I was at my neighborhood theater, it probably was The Naked Gun from 1989 or 8, I forget. The original Naked Gun, absolute riot, couldn't catch my breath, that is my style of humor. Leslie Nielsen didn't have to say a word and I was on a knee. So that my answer would be Naked Gun.

Speaker 3:
[19:14] I wish I saw that in theaters. It was one of those movies that it would have been more fun, I think, to watch with a whole crowd. I mean, certainly, my friends, when we watched it, we all got going.

Speaker 2:
[19:24] Dude, it was. It was a sold out theater that night and people were climbing the walls. Okay. We are now into the 1990s region of this best comedy movie bracket tournament. Oh, here's Austin Powers, okay. First matchup, Austin Powers versus there's something or another about Mary.

Speaker 3:
[19:46] Boy, both good, but Austin Powers, I think, has to get the nod there.

Speaker 5:
[19:50] Yeah, always.

Speaker 2:
[19:50] God dang, yeah, that's a tough one.

Speaker 4:
[19:52] I'd go with something about Mary.

Speaker 3:
[19:54] Would you really?

Speaker 4:
[19:55] I would.

Speaker 3:
[19:55] I mean, if there was a sequel, I wouldn't be as excited as I was for Austin Powers. That's another one where I remember a lot more from Austin Powers than I do there's something about. I mean, obviously, the hair gel scene.

Speaker 4:
[20:08] Hair gel scene.

Speaker 3:
[20:09] My gosh.

Speaker 5:
[20:10] The Austin Powers movies have always been like me and my dad's thing. Like I call him a Fajer.

Speaker 8:
[20:18] I don't know what that is.

Speaker 3:
[20:19] Oh yeah.

Speaker 5:
[20:19] A reference from Austin Powers.

Speaker 2:
[20:22] Fajer? I don't know the reference.

Speaker 5:
[20:24] But Goldmember uses it.

Speaker 2:
[20:25] Oh, I didn't see. I did not bother with Gold.

Speaker 5:
[20:29] That is like one of the best ones.

Speaker 2:
[20:31] No, it isn't.

Speaker 5:
[20:32] It's gross.

Speaker 2:
[20:32] As soon as I saw Mike Myers made up as Goldmember, I told myself, I'm not going to watch that.

Speaker 3:
[20:42] Eating the skin flakes was tough to watch.

Speaker 2:
[20:44] That was widely regarded as a total turd.

Speaker 5:
[20:47] I loved it when I was younger.

Speaker 3:
[20:49] Dr. Evil and how many times around here have we said, you just don't get it, do you, Scott?

Speaker 2:
[20:55] So Goldmember sucked or he didn't suck?

Speaker 5:
[20:59] I liked them.

Speaker 2:
[20:59] Dana, you're not saying anything.

Speaker 4:
[21:01] He was decent.

Speaker 5:
[21:01] I don't know.

Speaker 4:
[21:02] I mean, he was fine.

Speaker 2:
[21:03] All right.

Speaker 3:
[21:05] I think you're fine.

Speaker 5:
[21:05] It was gross but funny. I don't know. I was right in the perfect age range when I watched it.

Speaker 4:
[21:10] You're in that wheelhouse.

Speaker 3:
[21:11] That makes a big difference.

Speaker 2:
[21:14] Oh, there's something about Mary was great. It really was. Even though we just got done talking about how we'd like to strangle Ben Stiller, that was really great.

Speaker 3:
[21:24] It was.

Speaker 4:
[21:25] Cameron Diaz has one of the hottest lines ever in that movie. When Ben Stiller's character, he's having a bad day or something, it's late at night, they're standing outside her car and she says, what do you say we go upstairs and watch Sports Center? As a kid, I was like, that's the sexiest thing I've ever heard in my entire life.

Speaker 3:
[21:43] How did Ben get the beans above the Frank? Did they ever solve that mystery?

Speaker 2:
[21:46] See, you know what? I've been sitting here thinking about Josh. I don't know how the hell anyone gets the beans above the Frank. But that scene alone, I think, puts something about Mary a notch above Austin Powers.

Speaker 3:
[21:59] Yeah, now that we're going through some of it, this is tough.

Speaker 2:
[22:02] And credit to, what's his name, David Keith, who played?

Speaker 3:
[22:08] The father?

Speaker 2:
[22:09] The father, Mary's father, stepfather, whatever the hell he was. Was it David Keith?

Speaker 4:
[22:13] Keith David.

Speaker 2:
[22:14] Keith David, thank you.

Speaker 4:
[22:15] Yeah.

Speaker 2:
[22:16] He made that scene. It wasn't Ben Stiller.

Speaker 3:
[22:19] Oh, definitely.

Speaker 2:
[22:20] It was Keith David.

Speaker 3:
[22:22] His reaction to...

Speaker 2:
[22:23] And the firemen and the cops.

Speaker 3:
[22:26] Yeah, just the little things, like in the background, we got a bleeder.

Speaker 2:
[22:29] Yeah. Hey, Terry, Eddie, send everyone down here, you know, that whole bit.

Speaker 3:
[22:33] Or what does the brother say? Masturbating or...

Speaker 2:
[22:36] He's masturbating. Okay, we're going on and on. Let's try to at least get through the 90s region here. We can bring up the 80s later. Cause we're... Well, I don't know, maybe we can squeeze it in.

Speaker 3:
[22:48] Might as well it's Friday. You already said it's F-off.

Speaker 2:
[22:50] Yeah, Tommy Boy versus Ace Ventura.

Speaker 4:
[22:52] Oh, that's a tough one.

Speaker 5:
[22:54] Tommy Boy.

Speaker 4:
[22:55] I think I gotta go Tommy Boy. Man, that's tough.

Speaker 5:
[22:57] I used to watch Tommy Boy every single day when I first started smoking weed. I think for like three months. It was insane.

Speaker 2:
[23:05] Over Ace Ventura?

Speaker 5:
[23:07] Yes.

Speaker 3:
[23:07] No way. That's so difficult.

Speaker 5:
[23:09] I only saw Ace Ventura once.

Speaker 2:
[23:12] Oh, you're out of your stinking mind.

Speaker 3:
[23:13] Yeah, I'm with you, Nick. I think Ace Ventura. But that one's difficult. Tommy Boy, that is so good.

Speaker 2:
[23:19] Happy Gilmore. This is easy for me. Happy Gilmore versus Friday. So long, Happy Gilmore. Friday's a friggin riot. Chris Tucker, what's his name again with the Happy Gilmore? Adam Sandler. Adam Sandler couldn't carry Chris Tucker's jock in a friggin wheelbarrow when it comes to funny.

Speaker 4:
[23:42] Just not going to say anything.

Speaker 2:
[23:43] Well, because you'd be wrong. Dumb and Dumber, Wayne's World is the next matchup.

Speaker 4:
[23:49] Another tough one.

Speaker 3:
[23:50] Dumb and Dumber.

Speaker 4:
[23:51] Yeah, I think you have to go Dumb and Dumber. I have a lot of appreciation for Wayne's World. And even I even like the sequel. I know a lot of people didn't, but Dumb and Dumber is just too good. It's legendary.

Speaker 5:
[24:00] I never liked Dumb and Dumber.

Speaker 3:
[24:01] Really?

Speaker 5:
[24:02] No, never.

Speaker 2:
[24:03] Who are you, James Rocky?

Speaker 5:
[24:04] Just bothered me, I don't know.

Speaker 3:
[24:06] Yeah, our old movie review guy, I still don't understand how you can't like Dumb and Dumber.

Speaker 2:
[24:11] He hated it. He hated it.

Speaker 5:
[24:14] The humor is just a touch too dumb for me, I guess.

Speaker 2:
[24:17] Well, then.

Speaker 5:
[24:19] Like I...

Speaker 4:
[24:22] A little bit sophisticated humor over here.

Speaker 5:
[24:24] Maybe it's because I grew up with brothers. And so I was like, this kind of humor just like I'm over it. I'm done with it.

Speaker 2:
[24:31] A cop drank a beer bottle filled with piss. And he's like, what else do you want?

Speaker 5:
[24:36] Yeah, you know, that especially when I was younger, that did not do anything for me.

Speaker 4:
[24:40] But man had diarrhea in a very fancy house, Ashley.

Speaker 5:
[24:43] Nah, hated that scene so much.

Speaker 2:
[24:45] Pills are good.

Speaker 3:
[24:48] Ashley, don't you see the brilliance in some of the dumb humor? It's clever dumb humor.

Speaker 2:
[24:52] She's above that, Josh.

Speaker 5:
[24:54] I never liked it, but that kind of stuff like embarrassed me to watch when I was a kid.

Speaker 3:
[25:00] Listen to this. Printing Jesus walked out of Dumb and Dumber. He said it's so bad. OK, I thought that was pretty much outside of James Rocky and now Ashley universally loved.

Speaker 2:
[25:11] You walked out on Dumb and Dumber. Wayne's World, I enjoyed. But I've always wondered, since I was a kid, I wanted to kick Dana Carvey's ass.

Speaker 4:
[25:22] Oh, really?

Speaker 2:
[25:22] Oh, I want to kick his ass.

Speaker 3:
[25:23] He's never met a Dana he likes.

Speaker 4:
[25:27] Dana Carvey was my saving grace as a kid. When people tell me I have a girl's name, I could point. What about Garth? His name is Dana Carvey. He rules.

Speaker 2:
[25:35] What other famous Dana's? We can get back to that. What's that?

Speaker 3:
[25:38] Party Time. Excellent. We used to say that quite a bit.

Speaker 2:
[25:41] Dana Strum, bass player for Slaughter.

Speaker 3:
[25:43] Oh, yeah.

Speaker 2:
[25:44] And Vinnie Vincent Invasion.

Speaker 4:
[25:46] There's a Dana Barros that used to play in the NBA.

Speaker 2:
[25:48] Right.

Speaker 4:
[25:48] Dana Stubblefield, I think he was an old lineman for the 49ers.

Speaker 2:
[25:51] Defensive lineman, actually. War number 94.

Speaker 4:
[25:54] Nice.

Speaker 2:
[25:55] Dana Strum. Look him up. No, don't look him up. OK, the 80s. Finally, we'll wrap this bracket challenge filled with comedy movies. We'll wrap it up with the 80s. And the toughest matchup in the whole bracket is in the 80s region. Well, first, we got your National Lampoon's Vacation versus Coming to America.

Speaker 3:
[26:20] Oh, man. I mean, vacation, but I feel guilty even saying that. Coming to America is so good.

Speaker 4:
[26:28] They're both great.

Speaker 3:
[26:28] I'm kind of mad at whoever put those two together.

Speaker 2:
[26:32] Oh, man.

Speaker 3:
[26:34] Gosh, that's tough.

Speaker 2:
[26:35] In my opinion, is Chevy Chase wildly overrated? Yeah. But not when he made vacation, not when he made the original vacation. He still had the goods in that movie. And it's the supporting cast, I think, that also makes the original vacation maybe just a touch better than Coming to America. Beverly D'Angelo and Randy Quaid and John Candy and Eugene Levy, who am I missing from the original? Anthony Michael Hall, the gal who played, fittingly, I can't think of the character's name and neither could Chevy Chase in the movie and it was his own daughter. What the hell was the daughter's name? Remember how he could never come up? You know, Audrey, that's her name. That gal was good. I know I'm missing somebody.

Speaker 3:
[27:27] Beverly D'Angelo, I mean, I think she was one of my sexual awakenings.

Speaker 4:
[27:31] First set of boobs I ever saw.

Speaker 2:
[27:34] That wasn't Josh's first set of boobs. Josh, you want to tell the story about the first set?

Speaker 3:
[27:38] Well, as long as it's not the real life ones. Movie one of stripes.

Speaker 2:
[27:42] No, no, no, we're talking about real life.

Speaker 3:
[27:43] You know, I forget. I forget.

Speaker 2:
[27:44] Yeah, of course you forget.

Speaker 3:
[27:45] Definitely wasn't my grandma.

Speaker 2:
[27:46] Ferris Bueller's Day.

Speaker 3:
[27:47] And they definitely weren't perfect.

Speaker 5:
[27:50] You don't have to think about that part, Josh.

Speaker 2:
[27:53] Well, I brought it up. Ferris Bueller's Day Off versus Ghostbusters.

Speaker 3:
[27:58] Ah, Ghostbusters. I love both. I mean.

Speaker 4:
[28:00] They're both so fun.

Speaker 3:
[28:01] Yeah, but Ghostbusters.

Speaker 4:
[28:03] More iconic.

Speaker 2:
[28:04] Easy answer here, I think, for anybody with taste at all. Although nothing against Major League, but it does not belong in the same conversation as Caddyshack.

Speaker 4:
[28:13] All right.

Speaker 2:
[28:15] But this is the toughest matchup of the whole Schmier, for me personally. And that would be to try to pick a winner between Airplane and the Blues Brothers.

Speaker 3:
[28:22] I mean. Both classics.

Speaker 2:
[28:26] Legendary all time. I probably would go.

Speaker 3:
[28:30] Surely you're going to pick Airplane.

Speaker 2:
[28:32] I might not pick Airplane. And don't call me Shirley. Here's what maybe puts the Blues Brothers over the top. Despite, I mean, I love Airplane. I'll watch it every day. Maybe what puts the Blues Brothers over the top is the music. The greatest musical scene in movie history was the Blues Brothers performing Shaked Tail Feather with Ray Charles when they get on stage and do Sweet Home Chicago. And I need you, you, you, I need you. And what else did they do? A song with Aretha Franklin. That might be how perfectly they put together the musical numbers in the Blues Brothers might be just the kick in the ass that puts the Blues Brothers over the top of Airplane. But it's very, very difficult to make that choice.

Speaker 3:
[29:32] That was a good list. Couple of difficult ones. Couple of shouldn't even have been on there are so easy.

Speaker 2:
[29:37] Tough, especially at this early hour, Josh.

Speaker 3:
[29:40] I'm with you.

Speaker 2:
[29:40] To make those types of life decisions. Ashley didn't like Dumb and Dumber.

Speaker 5:
[29:45] I'm so sorry.

Speaker 2:
[29:47] Well, we feel sorry.

Speaker 3:
[29:48] Just when you think you know, just don't get it, do you?

Speaker 2:
[29:51] No, you just don't.

Speaker 9:
[29:55] All right.

Speaker 2:
[29:56] God dang. Sure, Randy Shaver will give us everything we need to know about the NFL draft starting at 730.

Speaker 9:
[30:07] NFL Draft.

Speaker 2:
[30:09] It's coming, isn't it, Josh? Yeah. No, we got lots to talk about when Randy Shaver and Brad Ryder dive in here. Of course, the Timberwolves and the Pigs got that big game tomorrow. We're just excited to wrap this up and head into the weekend. When we come back, we'll hit up the Stupid News Report. Appreciate it. We'll be right back.

Speaker 1:
[30:27] Stupid News on the Half-Assed Morning Show.

Speaker 2:
[30:31] Oh, God, no.

Speaker 1:
[30:36] Yes.

Speaker 3:
[30:37] Hello.

Speaker 2:
[30:38] Are you there?

Speaker 3:
[30:39] Are you okay?

Speaker 10:
[30:42] I don't feel very good.

Speaker 3:
[30:45] Like I was saying earlier, you look like you're struggling a little bit. Tummy?

Speaker 2:
[30:49] Navon R. Johnson. To you, Josh, the name Navon R. Johnson. Does that sound like a typical bastard? To you? Yeah, it does. Earlier, we were talking about some of the funniest movies by decade, 80s, 90s. What comes after that, Dana?

Speaker 4:
[31:07] I think the 2000s.

Speaker 2:
[31:08] The 2000s. The 2000-aught-10s. Someone put together a bracket challenge of all the supposedly funniest movies of those decades, and we were trying to pick a winner. Difficult to do. And, of course, as we mentioned, we could sit here all day long and say, oh, they forgot this movie. They forgot this, that, and we could. Some people were texting in, what about this? The jerk.

Speaker 3:
[31:33] So good.

Speaker 2:
[31:34] Lights out, start to finish, Steve Martin in his prime. A few people texted in about the jerk, and one in particular, Jujitsu Jesus. I can't stop chuckling to myself because he texted in and said, Naven R. Johnson. Typical bastard.

Speaker 3:
[31:52] That's a great one. Yeah, I wonder, I mean, shoot, if we had one for the 70s too, that would be kind of fun.

Speaker 2:
[31:57] Oh, the 70s.

Speaker 3:
[31:59] Just went back to the 80s, this list.

Speaker 2:
[32:02] Keep talking, Josh. Keep talking. It'll take my mind off the fact that I need to get into a bathroom.

Speaker 5:
[32:09] I'm so sorry.

Speaker 3:
[32:10] You said it's going to be a bad day.

Speaker 2:
[32:12] I need a typical bastard. I'm not going to be able to stop with this. I'm not. One listener texted in to say, because our conversation a few minutes ago about movies had branched over this way. We went to the topic of the funniest you ever laughed in a theater when watching a movie. One of our listeners said, saw.

Speaker 5:
[32:38] That's not.

Speaker 3:
[32:40] That was not right. He's got to cut his leg off.

Speaker 4:
[32:45] Loser.

Speaker 2:
[32:46] The guy came off like a loser. I thought, he gave up. Cut his own leg off. Hilarious stuff according to.

Speaker 3:
[32:57] The guy from The Princess Bride. Hilarious.

Speaker 2:
[32:59] Yeah. Right. It was the guy from the. What happened to his career?

Speaker 3:
[33:04] You know, he's been in some stuff, just not big stuff. God, The Princess Bride, I think, is a perfect movie.

Speaker 2:
[33:10] It is wonderful and enjoyable.

Speaker 3:
[33:14] Alright. It's got a little everything in it.

Speaker 2:
[33:16] We didn't have any boobs.

Speaker 3:
[33:18] Except for boobs. They were implied.

Speaker 2:
[33:23] If we were going to go 70s, Josh just brought up the idea of the funniest movies from the 70s. We already have a winner according to Mark, who also goes by Magic Playing Machinist Jesus. We already got a winner from the 70s and the movie is called Young Frankenstein.

Speaker 3:
[33:39] Oh, good one.

Speaker 2:
[33:40] I think that would win out. Alright. I think I've misplaced my stupid news report.

Speaker 3:
[33:47] Usually it's over to your right. I've noticed when you misplace it, it's over to your right.

Speaker 2:
[33:51] Hey, you're correct. I found it. Okay. Again with the drunk driving bitches. I've had enough of it. I really have. You know, a friend of mine, Josh, used to say, he'd say, some people don't drink and drive. Other people, he said, are stupid bitches. Just saying, a friend of mine used to have. So here's the latest drunken J. Brone, who poured herself behind the wheel of her whip and endangered the very lives of innocent people. Thankfully, the police in Ohio got a hold of this puke bag. They pulled her smooth over. And it wasn't difficult for the cops. This gal, what was she doing? She was putting along the shoulder of the damn interstate going only 38 miles per hour.

Speaker 5:
[34:56] Keeping it safe?

Speaker 2:
[34:57] It was pretty obvious that there was something wrong with this driver lady. Hell, the cops said that other cars were having to absolutely stand on their brakes to avoid bashing in to the ass end of this lady's motor vehicle. Everyone else is hovering around 70. She's going 38.

Speaker 3:
[35:21] That's what cruise control is for. A drunk driver's best friend, I was told by one of my best friends. Just put it right on. You have to go one or two over. Otherwise, it's too obvious at two in the morning. She couldn't figure that one out.

Speaker 2:
[35:36] No, she couldn't figure that one out.

Speaker 3:
[35:39] She's obviously making bad decisions that she even got behind the wheel.

Speaker 2:
[35:42] As soon as the cops got face to face with this hammered lady on the shoulder of the freeway, she started bitching about how fast the other cars were going.

Speaker 3:
[35:53] That's great.

Speaker 2:
[35:54] Yeah, those other cars were, they were going what's called the speed limit. You plug. That's what she said to the cops. Jesus balls, she said. You see how fast everybody's going on here? What are you doing pulling me over? She smelled like hooch. She, of course, denied that she had been drinking at all, forgetting how easily the police can disprove a cute little story like that. Next thing you know, she flunks a sobriety test. None of the police on the scene were terribly surprised by that.

Speaker 3:
[36:32] I do love that, her feeling of the audacity of these other drivers.

Speaker 2:
[36:37] Right.

Speaker 4:
[36:38] At least she wasn't going as slow as David Spade and Chris Farley in the movie Black Sheep, when they were high on nitrous and got pulled over. And the cop goes, how fast do you think you boys were going out there? And David Spade's like, oh, fifty five, sixty. And the cop goes, seven. You were going seven miles per hour.

Speaker 2:
[36:59] God dang. Alright, so, finally, the cops asked this drunk driver lady one final question. I mean, they knew what they were dealing with. A stupid bitch drunk driver. They finally asked her, what about the cup in her cup holder in her motor vehicle that was filled with hard liquor? They said, what are we supposed to make of that? And the lady said, yeah, that's a cup of booze. It is. She said, yeah. But it's a necessity for her when she's driving, she said. She needs the booze to help her stay awake.

Speaker 3:
[37:50] That's a new one.

Speaker 2:
[37:52] I was going to ask you if you wanted to take a crack, Josh, at making sense out of that one.

Speaker 3:
[37:57] I guess. I don't drink very often. I guess I don't remember if it wakes me up.

Speaker 2:
[38:03] If I'm drinking, I'm not sleeping. Maybe that's her her her plan. If I'm drinking, I'm not sleeping. Yeah. I don't know what kind of alcohol she was drinking on this particular evening, which kept her from falling asleep. They didn't name the hooch. But the drunk driving bitch lady is now behind bars at the local Stoney Lonesome, they call it. Keeps me awake, she said.

Speaker 3:
[38:37] Question.

Speaker 2:
[38:37] Yes, Josh.

Speaker 3:
[38:38] Am I looking at this wrong? I get more nervous around people doing like a 38 and a 60 than I would somebody doing maybe a 70 and a 60.

Speaker 2:
[38:47] Oh, yeah.

Speaker 3:
[38:48] Scared to drive most likely or they're impaired in some way.

Speaker 2:
[38:52] They're going 40 miles per hour below the limit. Yeah, that's scary. Just like someone who's going 40 miles per hour over the limit. Right.

Speaker 3:
[38:58] That's the other person. But I'm assuming the person going that fast is probably a much better driver. At least there's some cockiness going on there, that's for sure. But yeah, I mean, I've seen that before where people basically have to slam on their brakes because someone's going. There was a guy the other day going 35 and a 70. And I thought, oh, man, that guy is going to get blown out by a semi. There's a lot of semi-traffic over there. That was pretty scary being around that person.

Speaker 2:
[39:21] Yeah.

Speaker 3:
[39:21] He did look terrified. I had family members that wouldn't go on the freeway, they were just too scared to do it. So at least they knew enough to keep themselves and other people out of danger.

Speaker 5:
[39:31] Yeah, at least they stayed off.

Speaker 2:
[39:35] Dang. All right. People are still texting in here about the funniest movie of all time. Again, we've been having this conversation since we cracked the mics about an hour ago. This bracket style tournament that's up on the internet somewhere, pitting the funniest movies against, as the Canadians would say, against each other. Bracket style tournament to try to determine the funniest movie from the 80s, from the 90s, from the 2000s. So people are still texting in about their favorite comedies. Medical Advice Jesus. He's going to go ahead with this. He says, the deer hunter.

Speaker 3:
[40:17] I had to re-watch it. I was laughing so hard the first time.

Speaker 2:
[40:20] Yeah.

Speaker 4:
[40:21] You missed so much.

Speaker 2:
[40:26] Yeah, total riot, the deer hunter from start to finish.

Speaker 3:
[40:32] Yeah. There's a couple of scenes that are coming to mind right now that I'm laughing just thinking about.

Speaker 2:
[40:36] Can I do my DeNiro imitation of the Russian roulette scene from the deer? I love doing my DeNiro imitation of the Russian roulette scene from the deer hunter.

Speaker 4:
[40:45] I'm just worried it's going to be too fun. You were going to laugh too hard.

Speaker 2:
[40:47] Right. Hang on to your laughter.

Speaker 4:
[40:50] Okay.

Speaker 2:
[40:51] Show him, Nicky. Show him you got balls. Nicky, do it, Nicky. Show him you can. Thank you for holding off your laughter.

Speaker 4:
[41:08] I turned my mic off, actually. I was laughing so loud, I had to turn the mic off.

Speaker 2:
[41:12] Show him you got balls, Nicky. Oh, we're out of here in the middle. We're leaving, Nicky.

Speaker 3:
[41:17] I snorted.

Speaker 2:
[41:18] Yeah.

Speaker 3:
[41:19] I laughed so hard, I snorted.

Speaker 2:
[41:27] Ah, good answer, Medical Device Jesus. Everyone loves the deer hunter when they're looking to have a good time.

Speaker 4:
[41:32] Yeah, you got some friends over, you wanna lighten the mood a little bit, you put on deer hunter.

Speaker 2:
[41:39] All right, now we got this gal. She's got her problems. She does. But let me tell you right now, Cubby, she sure does take a pretty mugshot picture. This is what our forefathers used to call a foxy lady.

Speaker 3:
[42:00] They were right.

Speaker 2:
[42:01] I'll be damned.

Speaker 3:
[42:03] It's one of those things where she lives in a world of aesthetics where she gets second chances that the rest of us just don't get.

Speaker 2:
[42:10] She does, you're right. I'll be damned. What's that old, the cute, crazy ratio or whatever?

Speaker 3:
[42:20] The hot, crazy matrix?

Speaker 2:
[42:22] The hot to crazy matrix. I mean, do your own arithmetic with this one if you get a chance to see your picture. Is there mugshot? Is there a picture up on our website or anything like that?

Speaker 5:
[42:31] It will be.

Speaker 2:
[42:31] Oh. Show them that you got balls, Nicky. Ashley, I mean, show them you got balls. Put it up on the website. Do it, Ashley. Do it.

Speaker 11:
[42:42] Get us out of here.

Speaker 3:
[42:44] Holling Your Wood, Jesus brings up.

Speaker 2:
[42:46] Ashley has no idea what the deer is. She's never even heard of the deer hunter.

Speaker 3:
[42:50] It's hilarious. One of the greatest comedies of all time.

Speaker 5:
[42:53] I'm trying to get in the vibe that it's not, but.

Speaker 2:
[42:55] What? Watch it tonight with all the lights off. What now, Josh?

Speaker 3:
[43:01] Holling Your Wood, Jesus said, his favorite is Titanic when the people are falling and hitting everything on the way down in the water. I've actually heard people do find that funny. Maybe he's not even joking.

Speaker 4:
[43:11] No, it is pretty funny.

Speaker 3:
[43:12] I do remember one guy in particular thought that's a little silly.

Speaker 4:
[43:15] Yeah, he just goes falling. They hear the big thunk when he hits the ship.

Speaker 3:
[43:19] So I've heard people say it even in that movie.

Speaker 2:
[43:21] I've heard people say Titanic when they're falling off the boat.

Speaker 4:
[43:25] That's a movie that got some boobs in it. That's a real movie.

Speaker 3:
[43:28] Oh, yeah, it does.

Speaker 2:
[43:29] Well, it's got one set to me.

Speaker 4:
[43:32] More than Princess Bride.

Speaker 2:
[43:33] When was the last time you were satisfied with just one set? You know, it is far more than the Princess Bride. OK, this lady is crazy hot, but she's a pain in the ass. And some of you right now are saying, yeah, that's kind of how it always works.

Speaker 5:
[43:51] Yeah, it's usually the trade off.

Speaker 4:
[43:53] It's always worth it for a while.

Speaker 2:
[43:55] True. Let me see if I can piece this together. She was causing a ruckus at her apartment. I don't know. She probably smoked some effing bathtub rocks and she was climbing the walls. I don't know what the problem was. Lisa. That's her name. She goes by Lisa and she's 42 and she's really hot. But she wasn't willing to tell the police her real name. And that's where I'm going with all of this. So when the cops came by to see why she was making so much damn noise in her apartment, the first thing she did, Josh, was she slammed the door in the cops faces. Rude. Ka-blam! Eventually the authorities had to forcefully enter her apartment. They tossed the bracelets on her. She fought her way out of the handcuffs the first time around.

Speaker 5:
[44:49] Good for her.

Speaker 2:
[44:50] Probably because she's a crack head is my guess. And her wrists are so thin from only smoking rock. That's just my guess. So she fought her way out of the bracelets and the cops had to do that routine all over again. Once they had her pinned down, one of the cops said, All right, what's your name? And she said, Oh, my name? Donald Duck.

Speaker 3:
[45:18] Not very funny, but she doesn't need to be.

Speaker 5:
[45:20] It's not even that creative.

Speaker 3:
[45:22] Just looking at her, she doesn't need to be.

Speaker 2:
[45:24] You are correct, both of you. That's exactly where I was going to go with it. Creative? No. Funny? Not at all. But does she need to hit it out of the park with her creativity and sense of humor? No, she does not.

Speaker 3:
[45:35] She doesn't.

Speaker 2:
[45:36] Because she's hot.

Speaker 5:
[45:37] So hot.

Speaker 3:
[45:38] She's never had to work on comedic timing.

Speaker 2:
[45:40] No.

Speaker 3:
[45:41] A lot of people, when they're in her presence, would laugh at that like it's the funniest. So she just assumes that was probably a hilarious answer.

Speaker 5:
[45:50] I would have laughed.

Speaker 3:
[45:52] You would have?

Speaker 5:
[45:53] Yeah.

Speaker 3:
[45:53] Because of how hot she is?

Speaker 5:
[45:54] Yeah.

Speaker 2:
[45:55] What's your name? She says Donald Duck. Now she's waiting on her court date. She's going to have to answer for all this nonsense. By the way, it says here recently some asshat was fighting with the cops in his neighborhood. I'm not sure where this came from and it doesn't matter. But some dude got in a karate match with the cops in his neighborhood. When the cops asked him what his name was, he said his name was George Costanza. Well, that's possible that his name is...

Speaker 5:
[46:26] Yeah, that happens.

Speaker 3:
[46:27] That is possible.

Speaker 2:
[46:28] The article doesn't lead me to believe that that was his real name, but I guess it's...

Speaker 3:
[46:32] It wasn't, but you're right.

Speaker 2:
[46:33] It's much more possible than Donald Duck.

Speaker 3:
[46:37] If I told you where this is from, would you say it? What state it was from?

Speaker 2:
[46:40] It depends on the state.

Speaker 3:
[46:41] That's a particular state. I just need to know. I need a commitment ahead of time.

Speaker 2:
[46:45] If you tell me the name of the state where the George Costanza story came from, will I say it out loud? There is an exception to this rule, though you know that.

Speaker 3:
[46:55] That's why I'm trying to see if I can get around that exception.

Speaker 2:
[46:58] Okay. So no, I can't guarantee that I will also, because I made a vow to our listeners that there's one certain state that I wouldn't say out loud ever again during our Stupid News report. Why would you want to make me break that vow if in fact you're leading me in that direction?

Speaker 3:
[47:12] I was just curious if you'd make an exception.

Speaker 2:
[47:14] No, I won't. All right.

Speaker 3:
[47:16] The state is Florida. If you're a new listener, he refuses to say Florida during the Stupid News. Just regarding the state, right?

Speaker 2:
[47:26] I've disregarded it altogether. I've never even been there. Never even been there because I'm too busy trying to decide whether I did or did not enjoy Blazing Saddle. What is this?

Speaker 3:
[47:48] Good Times. Who is the matriarch in Good Times?

Speaker 2:
[47:51] James Evans.

Speaker 3:
[47:52] The matriarch.

Speaker 2:
[47:54] Thelma Evans.

Speaker 3:
[47:56] I'll have to look that up. I don't think that's what it was. Dana, can you Google that?

Speaker 4:
[48:00] Yeah.

Speaker 3:
[48:00] The mom in Good Times?

Speaker 2:
[48:02] What the hell is this now? As soon as we get done with the Stupid News, I'd be happy to tell you. But until then...

Speaker 3:
[48:10] It's one of your favorite shows and you can't remember?

Speaker 2:
[48:12] It is. I've always loved the show. I watched it yesterday.

Speaker 3:
[48:15] Yeah, it's one of my favorites. We used to watch that every day.

Speaker 2:
[48:17] I watched it yesterday. Oh, I already did my imitation of De Niro in the Russian roulette scene from Deer Hunter. Can I do my imitation of the matriarch of the Evans family when she finally breaks down and accepts the fact that James is gone and died?

Speaker 3:
[48:33] No, I can't even joke that that's a comedy. Don't.

Speaker 2:
[48:37] I'm going to need the music to be. Damn, damn, damn.

Speaker 3:
[48:47] Now I'm going to start crying.

Speaker 2:
[48:48] That was a tough scene. What the hell is this?

Speaker 3:
[48:51] Did you find her name?

Speaker 4:
[48:53] I did. It's Florida.

Speaker 3:
[48:54] Oh, is that right?

Speaker 2:
[48:55] Okay.

Speaker 3:
[48:56] Yeah.

Speaker 2:
[48:56] You guys understand why I can't go that way. Not now.

Speaker 11:
[49:03] Damn, damn, damn.

Speaker 2:
[49:06] Did I knock that sub-visa?

Speaker 5:
[49:07] That was perfect. You did great.

Speaker 4:
[49:09] So sad, though. I need to go home and watch the deer hunter and cheer myself up.

Speaker 2:
[49:14] Skip right to the scene when they're captured by the... Anyway.

Speaker 4:
[49:17] Ashley, you said we suggested you watch it tonight. I'd say you wait seven, eight years and watch it with your son when he's about eight or nine years old.

Speaker 5:
[49:26] Eight or nine years old?

Speaker 4:
[49:27] Yeah. Then you can watch it together and you can bond over how funny it is.

Speaker 2:
[49:31] Ashley, you see this? You see this? This isn't something else. This is this. Oh, Josh knows this. There was a stretch of time where my favorite hobby was spoiling movies for our listening audience.

Speaker 3:
[49:49] Yeah, you did enjoy that. I've never liked to do that for people.

Speaker 2:
[49:53] This was years ago when a big new motion picture would come out. Years ago, I'd run out and watch it and then spoil the entire movie for whoever happened to be tuned into the radio show that morning. I really enjoyed that.

Speaker 3:
[50:06] I mean, there's a lot of rage when you do something like that.

Speaker 5:
[50:08] Yeah, that's pretty boat.

Speaker 2:
[50:09] It was exactly what I was looking for. Exactly what I was looking for. People would text in and say, kiss my ass. I hate your guts. You spoiled the movie. I already bought a ticket. I was planning on taking the wife tonight. It was incredible. Is this really a thing? In Japan, you can be put in jail for spoiling a movie?

Speaker 3:
[50:31] Yeah, I guess so.

Speaker 5:
[50:32] That's a little serious. I don't like people do that, but it doesn't get to that level for me.

Speaker 2:
[50:38] It says here, a Japanese feller has been incarcerated for spoiling a Godzilla movie. It's called Godzilla Minus One. I think I have that correct and it came out a couple of years ago. Japanese Courthouse, a judge, made a ruling a day or two ago. The judge said that this dude was going to be dragged off to jail because he wrote about that Godzilla movie. He wrote something online. He spoiled it. Even though the movie is two or three years old, it says here, above all other forms of entertainment, including Mr. Big, who can sell out a soccer stadium there, six times in a week for their live concerts in Japan. Above all other forms of entertainment, even Mr. Big, Japanese folks take Godzilla very seriously. And I guess this is proof of that. The spoiler guy by the name of Watturu, he must have known that. How serious his fellow countrymen took Godzilla movies. But he went ahead anyway. He's been writing movie spoilers online for years. And I guess finally he's gone too far by spoiling the Godzilla movie. And now he's going to have to pay for that. Eighteen months in prison. And a fine bigger and fatter than your mama.

Speaker 3:
[52:13] Do you still like spoiling movies for people?

Speaker 2:
[52:16] Sure, but I really haven't had the opportunity. I haven't been.

Speaker 3:
[52:20] You don't watch too many movies.

Speaker 2:
[52:21] No. Like I said, I would years ago, 20 years ago, I would run out to see these big movies just to piss off our listening audience by spoiling it the next day. I don't do that anymore. I haven't had the opportunity to.

Speaker 3:
[52:36] Well, that's good because there was some concern from 651er to 715 Jesus. He said, all right, I haven't seen Deer Hunter, so don't spoil all the jokes for me.

Speaker 4:
[52:46] The best movie spoiler story of all time happened to my buddy. He's one of those grown men who loves, loves, loves Star Wars. Lightsabers on the wall, action figures, and I love it. I love that he's so passionate about it. When The Force Awakens was going to come out, the first new Star Wars movie in like 15 years, he completely two weeks before he like shut down his social media, he shut down everything. He told me, he goes, I know you're going to get to see it early. Don't tell me anything. Don't tell me you liked it. Don't tell me you didn't like it. I want to go in completely fresh. The day the movie comes out, he calls me in the mid afternoon and he's panic in his voice. He goes, is it true? Is it true? I go, what? He was, does Kylo Ren kill Han Solo at the hour and 47 mark? I go, well, you told me not to say anything. He goes, just tell me. I go, well, yeah, yeah, that's what happens. I'm like, how did you find out you were so just closed off to everything? He saw it in the comments on a Pornhub video.

Speaker 3:
[53:41] Who reads the comments on Pornhub?

Speaker 5:
[53:43] Yeah, that's what he gets for being weird.

Speaker 4:
[53:46] Somebody found out what happened on Reddit and was posting it on random Pornhub videos in the comment section.

Speaker 5:
[53:53] I love it. It's bogus.

Speaker 2:
[53:55] I dig that.

Speaker 3:
[53:56] I mean, do people, when you're watching porn, do you read comments?

Speaker 5:
[53:59] Never once.

Speaker 4:
[54:02] I mean, sometimes they're there, but I don't really intentionally read them, I don't think.

Speaker 3:
[54:05] I think I'd be creeped out. Like, hey, I'm jerking off to this too, pal.

Speaker 5:
[54:09] Yeah, that is weird.

Speaker 4:
[54:11] Taking the time to sign up to have a log in info to take comments.

Speaker 2:
[54:16] Pornhub, great spot for any pop culture information.

Speaker 3:
[54:23] Have you ever spoiled the end of a porno before?

Speaker 2:
[54:26] Spoiled the end of a porno?

Speaker 3:
[54:28] No. Somebody's going to orgasm.

Speaker 2:
[54:30] Yeah. We're going to need towels. Yeah. That's the only spoiler you need, I think. If you'll give me a minute just real quick, I want to address this text message that just came in. It says, Nick, please shut up with all the yelling this morning. Here's the text that came in. Blow me, pal. I got to take a deuce.

Speaker 3:
[54:52] He's got tummy troubles.

Speaker 2:
[54:53] All right. So this guy from Japan who spoiled the Godzilla movies, pissed everybody off. 18 months in prison. Now, after the judge cooled down a little bit, the judge decided to suspend that 18-month prison sentence for our guy, the spoiler, Waturu. He's still got to pay the fine, but I think the judge decided Waturu has been sufficiently scared straight, and he'll now put a lid on his online movie spoiler routine. It says here that a crackdown is in the works. If you go online, at least in Japan, and spoil motion pictures, they're going to get you, and they're going to get you good.

Speaker 3:
[55:38] That's nuts.

Speaker 2:
[55:38] Somebody's going to get got if you keep spoiling these movies.

Speaker 3:
[55:43] All right. We have an answer as to why you would read comments on Pornhub. People say they try to find out who the actress is, or the lady in the video if she's not an actress.

Speaker 4:
[55:53] If you want to chuckle more of her work.

Speaker 3:
[55:54] Yeah.

Speaker 4:
[55:55] I guess that makes sense.

Speaker 2:
[55:56] That makes perfect.

Speaker 3:
[55:56] Wouldn't have considered that.

Speaker 2:
[56:01] Wait a minute. This will be good for us right here, because we've been talking about movies, we've been talking about comedies. We even talked earlier about Austin Powers, didn't we, Josh?

Speaker 3:
[56:11] We did.

Speaker 2:
[56:11] So before we go, this is cute, right? In a place called the Green Witch, which is somewhere out there in England. It sounds like a truly awful place to live.

Speaker 5:
[56:22] It sounds awesome.

Speaker 2:
[56:23] But this is cute. There's a dude out there running for some level of political office, and he goes by the name of Austin Powers. And that's probably as far as we can take this, but you know, maybe that's enough for some people, that there's another dude, a real dude out there, named Austin Powers.

Speaker 5:
[56:39] That's fun for him.

Speaker 3:
[56:42] Just him? I think that's kind of fun. I'd have to consider my vote. I would say it would be hard to bet against or vote against Austin Powers.

Speaker 2:
[56:50] Yeah, I agree. I would imagine that it was a hell of a lot of fun being Austin Powers 25 years ago, but maybe now it's a pain in the ass because people won't stop with the jokes. Wouldn't you think? If your name was Austin Powers, Josh.

Speaker 3:
[57:05] If that's, oh, I bet you're right.

Speaker 2:
[57:07] Everybody's walking up asking you if you make them horny baby and all that stuff. Don't you think you'd probably go crazy at this point?

Speaker 3:
[57:14] Yeah, yeah, you're right. I bet he hates Austin Powers.

Speaker 2:
[57:16] Oh, I bet he does because people can't, they can't stop busting his balls about it.

Speaker 3:
[57:20] Was it Office Space with the Michael-

Speaker 2:
[57:23] Bolton.

Speaker 3:
[57:24] Bolton, oh, that was pretty good.

Speaker 4:
[57:28] He called Michael Bolton a no-talent ass clown.

Speaker 3:
[57:31] Yeah.

Speaker 4:
[57:31] That killed me.

Speaker 2:
[57:33] What does it say here? Oh, yeah, Christ. This poor bastard's name is Austin Powers. I think we've decided now that it probably sucks to be a real Austin Powers. There are two other folks running against him for whatever political role he's trying to land. And the two other people have names that sound maybe like characters from Austin Powers, the Austin Powers movie series. The people he's running against, one of them's name is Gregory Rodwell.

Speaker 3:
[58:07] Porn star name.

Speaker 2:
[58:09] The English have such silly names. There's a lady he's running against also. Her name is Ruth Handyside.

Speaker 4:
[58:16] Porn star name.

Speaker 2:
[58:17] What the hell is going on with these people?

Speaker 5:
[58:19] What the heck?

Speaker 1:
[58:21] Sports. On the 93X Half-Assed Morning Show.

Speaker 12:
[58:26] With the first pick in the 2026 NFL Draft, the Las Vegas Raiders select Fernando Mendoza, quarterback, Indiana. With the 18th pick in the 2026 NFL Draft, the Minnesota Vikings select Caleb Banks. He went to Van Florida.

Speaker 4:
[58:45] All right.

Speaker 13:
[58:45] I'll give you the floor.

Speaker 4:
[58:46] I'm allowed.

Speaker 13:
[58:47] Yeah. He's my 51st player. I mean, there is a ton of ability there, but he's had an injury with his foot. He re-injured it. Didn't get to see him much this year. So someone only played three games this year. He's a flash player. It's a little bit hot and cold. When you see that on the screen, 6'6 and a quarter, you see that size of 327 pounds with 35-inch arms. I mean, this is a swing for the fences.

Speaker 2:
[59:12] Sorry, Josh. Maybe you... It's Friday, and you're not quite all there. Randy Shaver doesn't come on for another 27 minutes. NFL draft's not my problem.

Speaker 3:
[59:25] Oh, well, I was curious what you were talking about there for a minute. I figured the Wolves, they're more into the Wolves.

Speaker 2:
[59:32] Timberwolves.

Speaker 3:
[59:33] It's a playoff, so I'd save that for 730.

Speaker 2:
[59:35] NFL draft, Randy Shaver will cover that at 730. He loves that stuff. Man, the Timberwolves looked pretty frigging terrific last night, didn't they? Well, of course, we only saw the first half. But they looked pretty damn terrific and got a win in game three over Denver. I'm excited about this. I'm looking forward to talking more about it later. They looked really good. Twins lost in New York. So they, looking at this way, Cubby, they, I love so far what the twins have put together overall. But they helped get the Mets back on their feet.

Speaker 3:
[60:20] Yeah, they did.

Speaker 2:
[60:21] They did a nice-

Speaker 5:
[60:22] That was nice of them.

Speaker 3:
[60:23] It seems Minnesota teams do that for people.

Speaker 2:
[60:25] They will.

Speaker 5:
[60:26] When my husband told me that the Mets won, I was like, that's really nice that they let them have one.

Speaker 2:
[60:30] That's nice of the twins to get in and out of town, pick their spirits up. Here's a listener. We've been talking about movie spoilers, or at least we were talking about movie spoilers in the stupid news. Some guy in Japan, he made a living spoiling movies online, but people got so tired of him that some bitch had to go to court. Now he's got to pay a fine for spoiling movies online. That's how seriously they take that gimmick over in Japan. Josh, here's a listener who texted in and said, hey, if you want to, I can spoil the Wild Playoff series for you.

Speaker 3:
[61:02] Oh, OK, fine.

Speaker 2:
[61:04] That's what I said. I said, go ahead.

Speaker 3:
[61:05] Because there's late games and stuff. Go ahead.

Speaker 2:
[61:07] He says, they're going to lose in the first round. They play tomorrow afternoon. Randy Shaver, Brad Ryder. I don't know who else. A cast of characters are joining us at 730. But we don't need just going anywhere because Josh has more news for you here in a few minutes.

Speaker 1:
[61:27] Half-Assed Morning Show.

Speaker 14:
[61:29] 69.

Speaker 8:
[61:31] The show's. Who are you fart knockers?

Speaker 1:
[61:34] 93X.

Speaker 14:
[61:36] You feel so violated and it's like invading your personal space and how dare you?

Speaker 3:
[61:42] A woman said she was assaulted inside a California grocery store Sunday. An incident now intensifying concerns about shopper safety across Los Angeles County.

Speaker 2:
[61:51] Really? Shopper safety? Yeah. This ought to be something.

Speaker 3:
[61:54] There's a couple of incidents.

Speaker 2:
[61:55] What the hell is going on?

Speaker 3:
[61:57] The incident. The woman identified only as Monica said a man approached her under the pretense of helping her out. According to Monica, the man told her there was a bug on her back and he offered to remove it, putting a little too much emphasis on the ass and assistance and he began touching her inappropriately.

Speaker 14:
[62:14] He was just like touching it and kind of rubbing it back and forth and that's when I started realizing, wait a minute, what is he doing? Like that is not helping me get rid of a bug.

Speaker 3:
[62:24] Monica said she began screaming and called for security, but the suspect left the store before authorities arrived. Video shows he appeared to know exactly what he was doing, planning the bug ploy from the moment he spider.

Speaker 7:
[62:36] I hear this lady just frantically yelling. I saw this rather large dude walking by and he's raising his voice, saying profanities. I see the lady, she's over there and she's raising her voice calling for security.

Speaker 3:
[62:50] The incident comes following a separate case in Los Angeles County involving a man accused of rubbing his exposed genitalia on a bent over woman's head.

Speaker 2:
[62:58] Oh my God.

Speaker 3:
[62:58] Do you remember that story?

Speaker 2:
[63:00] Not really, but now that you've said it out loud again, I'm shocked.

Speaker 3:
[63:04] And he took off as well.

Speaker 2:
[63:06] So this, we've got a serial pervert that's roaming the grocery stores of Los Angeles? Wonderful.

Speaker 3:
[63:13] They didn't say if it's the same guy, but it's certainly...

Speaker 2:
[63:16] Neither of them have been caught?

Speaker 3:
[63:18] No.

Speaker 2:
[63:19] Oh, my God.

Speaker 3:
[63:20] A Missouri man really leaned into that whole show me state motto by dancing naked in a grocery store. Around 6:30 p.m. Saturday, police reported they went to a report of a dancing naked guy in the entry of an Aldi store. 41-year-old Sidney Jones didn't bother hiding anything. He was showing at Aldi. And the video shoppers got was basically Aldi. Surveillance video reviewed in the case shows Jones parking his vehicle, walking into the entryway, removing his clothing, and then dancing both inside and outside the store.

Speaker 2:
[63:57] Double up.

Speaker 3:
[63:59] With witnesses telling officers multiple children were inside at the time, and adults tried to shield them and block their view of the man's likely well-worn anatomy.

Speaker 2:
[64:08] The older guy?

Speaker 3:
[64:10] 41.

Speaker 2:
[64:11] Oh, that's not that old.

Speaker 3:
[64:11] No, not too old. I mean, old enough to know better.

Speaker 2:
[64:14] For whatever reason, I was picturing him as elderly.

Speaker 3:
[64:16] He's since been banned from every all the location and booked into jail. Since this story comes from Missouri, here's some random trivia from the Show Me State.

Speaker 2:
[64:26] Well, let's see if any of us can get it correct.

Speaker 3:
[64:30] This would be tough.

Speaker 2:
[64:31] Go ahead.

Speaker 3:
[64:31] It's going to be tough. It's about a statute from 1909, still in the books. Do you know it?

Speaker 2:
[64:37] Letter book. No, no clue. Can you form it as a question?

Speaker 3:
[64:42] What is a statute from 1909 that's still on the books?

Speaker 2:
[64:47] Well, there might be more than one, but let me take a guess. It's illegal to wipe your ass with a shower curtain?

Speaker 3:
[64:53] No, it involves an animal.

Speaker 5:
[64:55] Oh, it's illegal to have a chicken on your ass?

Speaker 2:
[64:58] To wipe your ass with a chicken.

Speaker 3:
[64:59] Nope. I mean, probably. Those are both probably true.

Speaker 4:
[65:03] Does it involve the ass at all in wiping?

Speaker 3:
[65:06] No.

Speaker 2:
[65:06] You've got to stump them.

Speaker 3:
[65:08] Yeah. It involves a bull. If a bull has been running loose for at least three days, again, it has to pass the three-day mark. Anyone is allowed to cast food. What? Two days, you're in trouble. Three days, take off the balls.

Speaker 2:
[65:24] Yeah, that would have been tough for anybody to get that.

Speaker 3:
[65:26] I'd be surprised if you guys got it, for sure. A routine correction on classroom etiquette at Wonder Junior High School in West Memphis, Arkansas, detoured to a crash course in self-defense, ending with an aggravated assault charge against a teacher with a temper. The situation caught on school surveillance cameras began last Wednesday when a student told the teacher, bruh, I don't have a computer. According to a police report, the teacher responded with, I'm not your bruh, I'm your sir.

Speaker 9:
[65:56] They're not supposed to put their hands on the kids like that because they call them bruh. He is a bruh.

Speaker 3:
[66:01] That's what he said.

Speaker 2:
[66:02] A kid got his ass kicked for calling the teacher bruh?

Speaker 3:
[66:05] Yeah. The student attempted to correct himself and said, my bad, little bruh.

Speaker 2:
[66:12] He went twice with it?

Speaker 3:
[66:13] He did.

Speaker 5:
[66:14] What are you doing?

Speaker 3:
[66:15] Investigators said the interaction quickly turned physical. Police alleged the teacher, in charge of kids in grades 6-7, grabbed the student by his shirt and forced him against a desk. The report states the student tried to leave the classroom but the teacher followed. In the hallway, the teacher grabbed the student by the neck, pushing him into a wall and tried to choke the Gen Alpha right out of him.

Speaker 9:
[66:37] And what he should do is just be fired and be put in jail. Anger should be left at home and not in the school, not in the workplace.

Speaker 2:
[66:46] Who's that guy?

Speaker 3:
[66:47] One of the neighbors, just a neighbor.

Speaker 5:
[66:48] Oh.

Speaker 3:
[66:50] Guy lives in the neighborhood.

Speaker 2:
[66:53] He did not have his teeth in?

Speaker 3:
[66:55] He looked like he had some of his teeth.

Speaker 5:
[66:57] Oh. I liked it.

Speaker 3:
[66:59] Yeah, I like that guy.

Speaker 2:
[67:00] Oh, I enjoyed it myself. I just, he sounds a little odd and sounds like maybe he forgot to put his teeth in.

Speaker 3:
[67:07] But as we've said before, yeah, just leave it at home.

Speaker 2:
[67:10] The anger?

Speaker 3:
[67:10] Everybody's got problems.

Speaker 2:
[67:12] You've seen a few people come and go in this building who like to bring their anger to work, didn't you, Cubby? Yeah.

Speaker 3:
[67:16] I mean, if somebody's in a bad mood, sure. But there are folks that just like to make everyone else's day miserable.

Speaker 2:
[67:21] Hey, Cubby, I want to thank you for never really bringing any anger to work over the 30 years.

Speaker 3:
[67:27] That's something I don't think should happen.

Speaker 2:
[67:29] It's impressive. A lot of people think it's totally acceptable to do that. We've had people around here who you ask them to perform a task, something they're being paid for. And they'll say, hey, look, not today, okay? I'm in a bad mood. Okay. What do you think? The rest of us are just holding hands and skipping down the hallway. The rest of us don't have any problems. But when you bring it to work, they thought that was acceptable to not do their job because something happened with their girlfriend or something happened at the bar. That's not how it works.

Speaker 3:
[68:04] Ashley was just talking the other day about how you walk by to say hello to someone, and they just passed you right on. There's folks that get that way.

Speaker 5:
[68:11] Who does that?

Speaker 3:
[68:12] It's everyone else's problem.

Speaker 2:
[68:13] Grown folks don't bring it to work. That's the way I've always been taught. Josh, before you start your next story, this is going to be interesting, for me at least. I'm going to go and find out what your news report sounds like from our men's room.

Speaker 3:
[68:29] Oh, you got to go?

Speaker 5:
[68:30] Oh, that bad?

Speaker 3:
[68:31] I'm sorry.

Speaker 5:
[68:32] I'm so sorry to hear that.

Speaker 2:
[68:33] I love you.

Speaker 3:
[68:34] I love you more.

Speaker 2:
[68:35] I'm going to come back and tell you what it sounds like from the men's room.

Speaker 5:
[68:38] Do you need to bring your water?

Speaker 2:
[68:39] If, in fact, I make it back.

Speaker 3:
[68:41] In 30 years, this will be the first time one of us has gone to the bathroom without the other one right next to us.

Speaker 5:
[68:46] Oh, no. You can walk in there if you want.

Speaker 3:
[68:50] I suppose.

Speaker 4:
[68:51] Call the hotline and I'll just put you on the air that way.

Speaker 11:
[68:54] Bye.

Speaker 4:
[68:56] Best wishes, warm regards.

Speaker 3:
[68:58] He's not calling the hotline, he said. He's not going to call. The student reported the incident to school administrators who reviewed that footage and contacted law enforcement. The teacher was arrested and charged with aggravated assault. Turns out, oh, actually, you know what? I didn't see the time. I'm going to skip that one. Here's what's new this week in theaters and on streaming with a mix of big names, dark twists, and a little comedy to round things out. In theaters, the big headline release is Michael. The long-awaited biopic about Michael Jackson. The film stars his nephew Jafar Jackson and traces his rise from the Jackson five days through his early solo superstardom. The film aims to capture the magic of one of the world's biggest entertainers, but critics say Michael sidesteps too many of the controversies which define Jackson's life.

Speaker 4:
[69:48] Oh, and Michael Jackson fans are not happy about that online.

Speaker 5:
[69:51] Oh, really?

Speaker 4:
[69:52] No, they're saying they're doing it on purpose. They're review bombing the movie. Even though they knew they liked it deep down, they're saying they don't like it to bring down Michael.

Speaker 3:
[70:02] Wait, I'm sorry, I'm confused. Fans are saying they should have put more of the controversies in?

Speaker 4:
[70:08] No, fans are saying the movie is absolutely 100% flawless, Michael Jackson did nothing wrong, and critics are being absurd for saying they don't like it. They're trying to bring up controversies about Michael Jackson's life.

Speaker 3:
[70:18] Oh, okay. Well, there was some controversies.

Speaker 5:
[70:22] Yeah, a little bit. That's all I really knew about the guy like my whole life until he died. And then I was over at my friend's house, and she made me watch Michael Jackson videos all day long, like 12 hours of Michael Jackson videos. And I was like, now I really don't like the guy.

Speaker 3:
[70:39] Also, hitting the big screen over Your Dead Body brings a darkly comedic edge to the lineup. Jason Segel stars as one half of a troubled married couple who retreat to a remote cabin to fix their relationship. But there's just one complication. They're both secretly planning to kill the other.

Speaker 4:
[70:57] Oh.

Speaker 3:
[70:58] And for fans of Action Desert Warrior Suite arrives in theaters, telling the story of a mysterious rogue who makes himself an enemy of the Emperor. Bring me the hat.

Speaker 4:
[71:12] It's a man you know very well.

Speaker 5:
[71:13] Yeah, Jesus.

Speaker 3:
[71:15] Easy to please. On the streaming side, Apex is now available on Netflix. It follows an adrenaline junkie taking on a dangerous river, only to discover that the real threat may not be nature alone. And on Hulu, comedian Nikki Glaser returns, that is, with her latest special, Good Girl. As for music, taking a look at our notable new releases post this week, the Foo Fighters dropped their 12th studio album today, Your Favorite Toy. Dave Grohl's daughter Harper adds background vocals on the title track, marking the third Foo Fighters album to feature one of his kids.

Speaker 1:
[71:51] That's awesome.

Speaker 3:
[71:52] Meanwhile, Atreyu returns with The End Is Not The End. Their 10th studio album includes a guest appearance from Max Cavalera of Soulfly on Children of Light. And don't you dare forget, you can follow the 93X Notable New Releases playlist at 93x.com and on Spotify. A happy early sweet 16 to Emma whose birthday is on Sunday, and that's 93X News.

Speaker 1:
[72:18] Randy Shaver and Brad Ryder on the Half-Assed Morning Show.

Speaker 15:
[72:24] Go out to Jokic, Jamal, all the bad defenders, Tim Hardaway, Cam Johnson, Aaron Gordon, the whole team. Just go at them. They're all bad defenders. Yeah, they're all bad defenders.

Speaker 10:
[72:37] Final seconds, Minnesota held Denver to their worst field goal percentage of the season. The Nuggets tonight shot 34%. They didn't shoot below 40% all season long, but tonight they did in game three.

Speaker 2:
[72:57] Oh, I don't know how the rest of you might feel about it. You got your Cubby, Dana, Smashley, Brad Wright, or Randy Shaver. I don't know how the rest of you feel about it, but I thought the Timberwolves looked pretty damn terrific last night.

Speaker 3:
[73:08] I'm with you.

Speaker 8:
[73:09] Yeah, they sure did. Yes, they did.

Speaker 2:
[73:11] I don't know. You know, here's a guy who only got to watch the first half. Again, big thanks to the NBA and the National Hockey League for starting our biggest games of the season at 9 p.m. You really didn't need to watch more than the first quarter. I only got to see the first half, but the Wolves in game three of their Western Conference quarterfinal series with the Denver Nuggets, they looked friggin terrific.

Speaker 8:
[73:38] Denver was three for 21 in the first quarter. That's not going to get it done. And they didn't fall out of that hole at all.

Speaker 16:
[73:46] Certainly, the Wolves played outstanding defense. They made it difficult for Denver, especially Jokic, who had some... always seemed to have somebody in his face, but Denver just didn't shoot the ball very well. And when you look at their team right now, yes, Murray is really good. Yes, Jokic is great. They've got nothing else but those two guys.

Speaker 2:
[74:08] Well, not when Aaron Gordon is not on the floor. Their choices are limited.

Speaker 16:
[74:12] But be honest with you, though, Aaron Gordon doesn't move the needle that much either. This Denver team is, I think they're just kind of... And maybe it's because we're at the end of the year now, they're tired, they played a lot of games. They just don't... They don't look like they care very much.

Speaker 8:
[74:36] I think he means a little bit more maybe than you do. I think that they're top three or as good as any top three in the league. And when you take one of those three out, it's a glaring hole when one of those three is out.

Speaker 16:
[74:50] I will disagree. I will disagree. I don't think Aaron Gordon is a player that's in a top three. I just say this though.

Speaker 8:
[74:58] Oh, no, not in the league. I mean on their team. Yeah, right. Sure.

Speaker 16:
[75:01] Yeah. Okay. But I'll just say this. If I'm a Nuggets fan and I watched the first half last night, it's like they don't even really care. They're not like they're mad. They're not there. There just doesn't seem to be this fight.

Speaker 2:
[75:17] They appear to be sickly.

Speaker 16:
[75:19] Yeah, they just don't.

Speaker 2:
[75:21] Jokic in particular looks like he's sick or something. And I know the guy's not going to end up on any magazine covers anytime soon. He's not the but he looks ill. Exhausted. Yes, he looks ill. He looks like he hasn't been eating or sleeping lately. Jokic does look especially ill. I don't know what it is about the man. All I can say is this. The Wolves defense was on full display. For sure. I mean, hell, they stomped the Nuggets by 17 points. And they take that 2-1 series lead. What were the other stats here? Maybe you said them already. Jokic shot 7 for 26.

Speaker 16:
[75:58] It's the worst shooting night he's ever had in the playoffs.

Speaker 2:
[76:01] Some might give Rudy Gobert partial credit for that. Some might not.

Speaker 16:
[76:06] No, I think you do.

Speaker 2:
[76:07] Denver scored just 11 points in the first quarter. Jamal Murrow was 5 for 17.

Speaker 8:
[76:12] I think what Kevin Harland said in their little sound bite you played was pretty telling and kind of shocking that they didn't have one game the entire regular season where they shot under 40%. I mean, that's incredible on its own that they shot the ball that well every single game this year. But now, at the most important time of the year, the most important game of the year, they didn't.

Speaker 2:
[76:32] Wasn't it great that Jaden McDaniels had a terrific night overall when I'm sure? That was cool. There were a lot of basketball fans out there hoping he would fall flat on his face.

Speaker 3:
[76:41] I love seeing that too.

Speaker 2:
[76:42] I could listen to him rattle through those bad defenders over and over and that sound bite is so beautiful to me.

Speaker 8:
[76:51] Last night, it wasn't even really that. It was the fact that they decided to play defense. You know, it's not like they put up 130, but they didn't need to because they actually came out and played defense.

Speaker 2:
[77:01] And again, the game plan has obviously been since the end of the first quarter in game two. The game plan has been attack the basket and the Timberwolves did it over and over again. In the paint, where Cubby dominates in the paint.

Speaker 3:
[77:17] That's where I work.

Speaker 2:
[77:18] When we play open basketball at the Y, Josh stands in the paint, he extends his arms, and nobody can get anywhere near the... The Wolves outscored the Nuggets 68 to 34 underneath the hoop.

Speaker 4:
[77:32] Josh does just have one rule when he plays pick up basketball at the Y. When they play shirts and skins, he's all time team shirts.

Speaker 3:
[77:39] That's true. I don't care what side I'm on. I was voted most likely to be posterized.

Speaker 4:
[77:45] I can picture you getting dunked on by like a 17 year old.

Speaker 3:
[77:48] It doesn't have to be that old.

Speaker 8:
[77:51] I'm looking at the first quarter stats here. Here's another key. I mean, the fact that they are... and I've talked about this. When they share the ball, when they move the ball, when at least three or four guys touch it every time down the floor, they are really good, obviously. Then when the ball stops, they're not. McDaniel shot the ball six times in the first quarter, Randall five times, Edwards five times, Devin Schenzel three times. So that tells me that they're sharing the ball. Everybody's getting shots and that's how they're effective.

Speaker 2:
[78:18] This was funny. Yes, Randy Shaver.

Speaker 16:
[78:20] I'll just add that Dasumu adds so much to this team offensively because he's so damn quick. And he's just, he was phenomenal last night, played fantastic. He had nine assists last night on top of the 25 points that he had. He was doing everything for them last time.

Speaker 2:
[78:42] You're talking about Dosunmu?

Speaker 16:
[78:44] Yes.

Speaker 2:
[78:44] That dude rules.

Speaker 16:
[78:45] He does.

Speaker 3:
[78:47] He looks cool.

Speaker 2:
[78:48] You guys should know this. To start the program this morning, when I first sat down, not the way I sat down 10, 15 minutes ago, that's a different kind of sitting down.

Speaker 3:
[78:59] That was a different style of throne.

Speaker 2:
[79:01] I had a code brown. I had to miss the news. Anyway, that's, I'll tell you what, Josh, that's the last time I put green olives and banana peppers on my bologna sandwich.

Speaker 3:
[79:13] Oh, that sounds really good though.

Speaker 8:
[79:16] Oh, any type of peppers is good on a sandwich.

Speaker 2:
[79:18] Yeah, it didn't work for me, Brad Ryder.

Speaker 8:
[79:21] The last stat I'm going to throw at you.

Speaker 2:
[79:23] One more stat. Brad Ryder with the latest stat.

Speaker 8:
[79:27] Yeah, Anthony Edwards only played 23 minutes last night. That's huge with the injury that he's nursing a little bit.

Speaker 2:
[79:35] Absolutely.

Speaker 8:
[79:36] To get him fewer minutes like that in a game like that.

Speaker 2:
[79:39] To get a win in a series shifting game when your star player doesn't have to exhaust himself or possibly re-aggravate an injury.

Speaker 16:
[79:49] I've got a great drinking game for anybody that wants to watch the rest of the series. Take a drink every time Christian Brown misses a damn layup. That guy is so terrible. He is. He's just not very good.

Speaker 2:
[80:03] I would recommend you don't play that drinking game with Edwards or Julius Randall either.

Speaker 16:
[80:10] I think you'd be fine with those two guys, not with Brown.

Speaker 4:
[80:15] I knew a lot of people were at the game last night. One of the big takeaways was just how damn loud it was in that building.

Speaker 2:
[80:20] What else Dana?

Speaker 4:
[80:21] Yeah. I don't know.

Speaker 2:
[80:22] Maybe you didn't get this text message. The crowd was great.

Speaker 4:
[80:26] Yeah, crowd was on fire.

Speaker 2:
[80:27] They also said that the half-time show was my woman, the Red Panda. Oh, wow.

Speaker 4:
[80:33] I didn't hear that. Yeah, that's awesome.

Speaker 6:
[80:34] 2024, the series was tied 2-2. The Nuggets won the next two games, or no, one game.

Speaker 2:
[80:44] Wolves in five. I dig that drunken late night crowd.

Speaker 8:
[80:50] How many minutes did Terrence Shannon get last night?

Speaker 2:
[80:52] Zero, which I don't understand at all. Pardon me, Josh. I'm guessing it was DNP, baby. Coach's decision. I really don't get it. Not that I'm complaining about the results so far. They're up 2-1 in a big series against their archrival. We got a long ways to go here. But I really am confused why Terrence Shannon wouldn't get a little, here's the text message that greeted me this morning and cracked me up. It goes back to these smart-mouthed Timberwolves, right? That they can't keep their mouths shut. A listener texted in and said, do you know what mistake the Denver Nuggets made last night? And I wrote back, I texted back, no, what mistake did the Denver Nuggets make? And the guy texted back, they underestimated greatness. Which was a direct quote from Rudy Gobert a couple days ago. Someone asked him, hey, are you pissed off that you didn't win Defensive Player of the Year? And Rudy, like a cartoon character, said, they underestimate greatness. That cracked me up. That's good. That put a little spark in my, a little spike in my step. How am I saying that, Josh?

Speaker 3:
[82:10] Yeah, I like that.

Speaker 2:
[82:11] When I read that this morning. Game four comes around tomorrow night here in Minneapolis. And it ought to be a hell of a scene. Is the red panda staying in a hotel room and she's going to play game four as well?

Speaker 4:
[82:26] That'd be awesome.

Speaker 2:
[82:29] Oh, it says here.

Speaker 8:
[82:30] Big day tomorrow in town.

Speaker 2:
[82:32] It is a big day. There's lots going on. It says here, actually now, eastbound at sundown, Jesus says that maybe there's a reason for the absence of tarantula. Eastbound at sundown, Jesus says that. Can you let a guy finish? Tarrant Shannon Jr. Thanks, Randy. And Jalen Clark are both sick. They caught some kind of a bug escape. Jalen Clark's also a terrific little player out there. I do. I like him.

Speaker 8:
[83:11] Gorilla Nuts.

Speaker 2:
[83:13] Who are you calling Gorilla Nuts?

Speaker 3:
[83:15] You're Gorilla Nuts.

Speaker 8:
[83:16] All right.

Speaker 3:
[83:17] Got them onions.

Speaker 2:
[83:18] Onions. Yeah, everyone's telling us the boys got sick. Wonder if they got Mono.

Speaker 8:
[83:25] Oof.

Speaker 3:
[83:27] I know you had it.

Speaker 8:
[83:28] Stay away then. Stay out of the locker room, please.

Speaker 2:
[83:31] Did you catch Mono? What's your name again, Brad Ryder, by making out with a gal in a cornfield in Clara City back in the mid-'80s?

Speaker 8:
[83:38] I had Mono in high school. Yeah, I did.

Speaker 2:
[83:40] From making out with chicks.

Speaker 3:
[83:42] It's the kissing disease.

Speaker 8:
[83:44] I mean, not to brag, but... No.

Speaker 2:
[83:51] I won't tell my Mono story again.

Speaker 3:
[83:53] Yours is the worst.

Speaker 2:
[83:54] I won't tell it because people text in and they say that they get sick.

Speaker 3:
[83:56] It's gross.

Speaker 2:
[83:57] They say the new guy goes off to the corner to puke his guts out whenever I tell my Mono story. So I'll just tell you that otherwise, in the National Basketball Association, the Atlanta Hawks defeated the New York Knickerbockers. So that means the Hawks have a 2-1 series lead. That'd be fun as hell to watch the Knicks go home. The Toronto Raptors got a win in their series against Cleveland. Victor Wemba-Yamba.

Speaker 9:
[84:25] Wemba-Yammy.

Speaker 2:
[84:28] Says here, he will travel with the rest of the San Antonio Spurs for games three and four on the road against the Portland Trail Blazers. Whether or not he's actually able to play is a different thing altogether.

Speaker 9:
[84:41] Yeah.

Speaker 2:
[84:44] If you missed it in game two of the Spurs-Blazers series, Wemba-Yamba fell down.

Speaker 9:
[84:50] Wemba-Yammy?

Speaker 2:
[84:51] And he dribbled his own skull across the court.

Speaker 3:
[84:54] That was so bad.

Speaker 2:
[84:55] He went night-night for a while, and he ended up with one of those damned concussions. So my guess is he will not play tonight in game three, but we'll see him in game four. Unless anybody else has a-

Speaker 8:
[85:10] It might be a game-by-game thing. I was going to say it might be a game-by-game thing. Say the Spurs win game three, then he probably won't play in game four either. No, when they need him, he may be back.

Speaker 2:
[85:22] Yeah, right. OK, one listener here says there's a herpes outbreak in the Timberwolves locker room.

Speaker 4:
[85:29] Oh, no.

Speaker 2:
[85:33] And it's gotten a hold of Clark and Shannon Jr. I didn't think that could keep you out of something like that. What do they keep you away from? If there's a herpes outbreak in a locker room, do they just keep you away from the other players? Anyone have any stories on herpes outbreaks in a locker room?

Speaker 4:
[85:50] No, fortunately, no.

Speaker 2:
[85:51] Brad, you used to work for the Golden Gopher Hockey Team and you don't have a herpes outbreak story?

Speaker 8:
[85:57] I've got a herpes outbreak story when I used to work closely with the Gopher Wrestling Team.

Speaker 2:
[86:04] Oh, not that kind of herpes. Are we talking about back herpes or front herpes?

Speaker 8:
[86:10] Yeah, well, we're talking about skin herpes.

Speaker 2:
[86:12] Skin herpes.

Speaker 8:
[86:12] There were all kinds of that stuff going around with the wrestling program.

Speaker 2:
[86:16] Yeah, they catch that on the mat, right? It breaks up. Genital herpes specifically.

Speaker 8:
[86:23] No, I do not. I don't have a good genital herpes story.

Speaker 3:
[86:26] Has there ever been a good genital herpes?

Speaker 2:
[86:31] I heard about an old North Star goalie who got herpes real bad on a road trip to Calgary back in the, yeah. And nobody would go near him in the locker room. That was the story that I heard. Some bitches went to Calgary in February. There's nothing else to do but bang randos. And he came back here to Bloomington with a bad case of genital herpes, and no one would go near him. And I guess the poor bastard would just sit there in the locker room, ass naked, with his legs spread wide open, just pouring talcum and whatever else he could come up with. And whatever they had in the first aid kit, Josh, he was dumping that on his gear to try to kill it.

Speaker 3:
[87:08] Yeah, I don't blame him.

Speaker 2:
[87:09] Yeah. But that was just an old story that I heard. Oh, what is this? I think I might have crumpled up something that was useful. Oh, yeah, it was. It is. This is embarrassing. If I were this guy, I'd hope that this story doesn't spread. Derek White of the Boston Celtics won the NBA Sportsmanship Award.

Speaker 4:
[87:33] That's always entertaining.

Speaker 2:
[87:34] Jesus. Like I've said before about those sportsmanship awards in sports, they're cute and all, but keep those characters off my team. I got no room for that crap on my favorite ball club. Listener wants to know, what's the worst story? Well, Josh, you tell me. My mono story or my grandma's bloody clam? Dana's got to vote right away.

Speaker 3:
[88:06] Yeah, I'll say grandma.

Speaker 2:
[88:07] Grandma's bloody clam chowder's worse than the-

Speaker 3:
[88:09] Yeah, just picturing that cue. Yeah, I don't like that.

Speaker 2:
[88:13] Okay, here's a listener who knows a thing or two about a herpes outbreak in a locker room. He says, it's not as crucial or critical as you think. You just make an agreement with your teammates, no swapping partners for a stretch of time.

Speaker 3:
[88:32] I bet that agreement's been made.

Speaker 2:
[88:34] Yeah.

Speaker 8:
[88:36] It seems like it will be something you would insinuate and not have to talk about.

Speaker 2:
[88:42] You got to vocalize it sometimes, Brad Ryder, in case some of the fellas aren't paying attention. I get a funny feeling here that we've lost Randy altogether.

Speaker 16:
[88:50] Oh, I'm here. I'm here.

Speaker 3:
[88:51] There he is.

Speaker 2:
[88:52] I thought maybe Herpes, Mono and Bloody Clam Chowder. I thought that.

Speaker 16:
[88:56] No, that's the trifecta.

Speaker 8:
[88:57] Bringing back bad memories of Ames, Iowa in the 70s.

Speaker 16:
[89:01] Yeah, that's the trifecta you just brought up there.

Speaker 2:
[89:04] Those were the three food groups in Ames, Iowa. Herpes, Mono, and what bloody chowder.

Speaker 16:
[89:11] And you're forgetting beer, but yes.

Speaker 2:
[89:13] Beer. All right. If you care, the Milwaukee Bucks who moved on from Doc Rivers following this year basketball season, they had enough of his nonsense. Now they found a new head basketball coach, Taylor Jenkins, the guy who was running things in Memphis there for a couple of years. Yeah.

Speaker 16:
[89:33] Yeah. They just recycle.

Speaker 8:
[89:35] I always heard good things about him.

Speaker 2:
[89:37] They recycle the hell out of him, Randy.

Speaker 16:
[89:39] Yeah.

Speaker 2:
[89:41] But he always struck me as a decent enough coach and a.

Speaker 8:
[89:45] Yeah. So I always heard good things about him as a coach.

Speaker 2:
[89:49] He'll get his chance with the bucks and then whoever else needs a coach in three, four years and whoever else needs a coach in three, four years after that.

Speaker 8:
[89:58] He's one of us, too.

Speaker 2:
[89:59] What do you mean?

Speaker 8:
[90:01] He's from Minnesota.

Speaker 2:
[90:03] He's from Minnesota?

Speaker 8:
[90:04] I believe. I believe. Yeah. One of those former Memphis coaches, I think it's him, is from Minnesota anyway.

Speaker 2:
[90:10] I wasn't aware of that. What is that?

Speaker 3:
[90:14] What is that from? Yeah. I was doing an off-air quiet chant.

Speaker 2:
[90:17] One of us, one of us, one of us. I don't know what that is. Text in if you know what that reference is. What do you call it? 651-989-9393. All right. Taylor Jenkins, congratulations. The question is, will he be coaching the Greek freak and, of course, all of his brothers next season or not?

Speaker 16:
[90:37] Right.

Speaker 8:
[90:39] Doubt it. What is this?

Speaker 16:
[90:40] Yeah, I doubt it, too.

Speaker 2:
[90:42] We got more herpes in the locker room stories coming in. Oh, this is a Shaquille O'Neal joke. It says, I knew a guy who got herpes once from a locker room. He thinks it came from one of his teammates' dirty toothbrush.

Speaker 3:
[90:56] Oh, yeah, you can probably catch the Coli or something.

Speaker 2:
[91:00] We've got two answers here, Josh, to one of us. Some are saying, we've got three answers. Some are saying Mighty Ducks. Some are saying Toy Story. Some are saying Wolf of Wall Street.

Speaker 3:
[91:11] Oh, yeah, Wolf of Wall Street. Maybe that's the one I'm thinking of.

Speaker 8:
[91:17] Here's your choice. Use the bath towel of somebody who has herpes or use the toothbrush of somebody who gave it from Tequila O'Neil.

Speaker 3:
[91:28] Oh, that's tough. For me, I'm going toothbrush. Herpes, that stays forever. Toothbrush, toothbrush, toothbrush, toothbrush.

Speaker 8:
[91:35] I would agree.

Speaker 2:
[91:37] Well, wait, there's another crowd in the room. Herpes towel, herpes towel, herpes towel.

Speaker 3:
[91:42] One of us.

Speaker 2:
[91:43] One of us.

Speaker 3:
[91:46] Oh, what a terrible choice that is to make.

Speaker 2:
[91:48] Some say it's from a movie called Freaks. Some say it's a South Park episode.

Speaker 4:
[91:53] Boy, I think it originated from the movie Freaks. That's the least of what I found on Google.

Speaker 2:
[92:00] All right, we'll go with that. Hit the soundbite, Josh, that we've been waiting for. Well, I know Randy's been waiting for it all morning long. My wife said that NFL Draft little sound bite is hilarious. She enjoyed the hell out of that. She gave you full credit, Cubby.

Speaker 3:
[92:17] Oh, no, that's...

Speaker 2:
[92:19] Hit it again! Let her buck, Randy. What happened?

Speaker 16:
[92:26] Uh, well, you didn't watch it?

Speaker 2:
[92:28] No, of course not.

Speaker 16:
[92:30] What?

Speaker 2:
[92:31] What am I?

Speaker 12:
[92:31] We had a pick in the 2026 NFL Draft. Who? The Minnesota Vikings select Caleb Banks. He made the man Florida.

Speaker 15:
[92:41] All right, I'll give you the flora. I'm allowed.

Speaker 13:
[92:43] Yeah, he's my 51st player. I mean, there is a ton of ability there, but he's had an injury with his foot. He re-injured it. Didn't get to see him much this year. So someone only played three games this year. He's a flash player. It's a little bit hot and cold. But when you see that...

Speaker 2:
[92:58] Oh, shut up! You can continue.

Speaker 16:
[93:12] No, that's fine.

Speaker 4:
[93:14] He just killed his spirit.

Speaker 16:
[93:16] Forget it.

Speaker 2:
[93:16] You got to know that's going to come up now and again. He does what for a living? This kid?

Speaker 16:
[93:23] He's a defensive lineman.

Speaker 2:
[93:24] OK.

Speaker 16:
[93:25] But the problem is that he has a recent history of breaking his foot. I guess, you know, obviously, the Vikings know way more than we do, right? But it just feels like this was a reach for a player who two years ago was probably a top 10 easy pick and because of injuries. And, you know, he's six, seven, six, six, three, thirty. When you have foot problems and you're that big, you're always going to have foot problems.

Speaker 2:
[94:00] Yeah, till the day that you die.

Speaker 8:
[94:01] Yeah.

Speaker 16:
[94:02] And so that's the scary part about taking this guy. When they, you know, we talked about how the safety from Oregon was the replacement for Harrison Smith, a good choice. All those guys were on the board and they decided to go that way. So we'll see.

Speaker 8:
[94:23] What I don't understand is if they really like this guy a lot, which obviously they did since they picked them, they could have gotten him, you know, everybody likes to make trade. Yes, that's what I was getting at. They could have traded down and gotten a couple extra picks. They could have traded out of the first round and probably gotten him.

Speaker 16:
[94:39] If that was the guy that they really, really wanted, you're right, they could have traded down.

Speaker 2:
[94:44] He's how big and he's got foot problems?

Speaker 16:
[94:47] 6'6, 330.

Speaker 2:
[94:49] And he's a professional athlete. If you're 6'6, 330 and you're an elevator operator, you're going to have a new applicant.

Speaker 8:
[94:56] He's broken his foot multiple times. I'm not going to question the pick. If they know more than we do, I agree with that. But if you really liked him, yeah, trade out of the first round and get a bunch of picks for him.

Speaker 2:
[95:08] This is the same group who picked JJ McCarthy. So it's weird that.

Speaker 16:
[95:11] Well, it's not the same group that picked JJ McCarthy.

Speaker 2:
[95:14] Yeah, it is.

Speaker 16:
[95:15] No, it's not.

Speaker 2:
[95:15] But just go with it, Randy. Again, it's just a joke.

Speaker 16:
[95:18] It's not.

Speaker 2:
[95:19] It's just a joke. I know it's not the same. It's just a joke. NFL Draft. If you do nothing for a living and you have foot problems and you're 6'6, 3'30, you're going to be in trouble, let alone a pro athlete. Jesus balls.

Speaker 3:
[95:35] I didn't know too much about them, but I wasn't excited when the announcers were like, oh, they seem disappointed in that pick.

Speaker 2:
[95:41] Oh, no, they said.

Speaker 3:
[95:43] Really?

Speaker 16:
[95:44] It's regarded as the biggest reach in the first round.

Speaker 2:
[95:47] Oh, no.

Speaker 16:
[95:48] Which is, you know, again, they know more than we do, so we'll have to see.

Speaker 2:
[95:54] I really don't know. Randy, I don't know if they do. I really don't know. I'm not so sure of that. I know you're trying to give credit where you believe credit is due, but I'm not so sure. OK, there are listeners texting in that want to hear some other chants on the radio this morning. What did we do so far? One of us, we chanted. Toothbrush. We chanted. This solicitor says, for all the Mormons out there, soaking, soaking, soaking, soaking, soaking, soaking, soaking, soaking. They like soaking.

Speaker 3:
[96:32] Oh, what a visual that is.

Speaker 2:
[96:36] NFL Draft. OK, number one overall pick was that kid from Indiana. He's unfortunately going off to play for the Raiders. Anything else, Randy, that we should know from yesterday?

Speaker 16:
[96:50] No, because you're just going to not care about it anyway.

Speaker 2:
[96:54] So of course, we're not going to care, but I'm just looking for conversation is all.

Speaker 8:
[97:01] I thought it was interesting the Rams picked that quarterback from Alabama and if you watch the world, if you watch some of the press conference stuff afterwards, their head coach did not appraise. He was not very happy with that. No, he did not appear to be happy with the pick at all.

Speaker 16:
[97:17] So the Rams used the 13th overall pick.

Speaker 2:
[97:20] OK, there you go. 13, 13, 13. People have been requesting that one. That was just dumb luck, Randy. OK, go ahead. The running back?

Speaker 16:
[97:31] No, they took the quarterback out of Alabama. Obviously, they look at him as the replacement for, you know, the quarterback. Stafford. Stafford, yeah, thank you. But I mean, that's a reach, too. That's kind of a big reach. It reminds me of what the Falcons did when they drafted the quarterback after they had signed cousins to the big deal.

Speaker 2:
[97:58] Mikey Pennes.

Speaker 16:
[97:59] Yeah. Yeah. So I mean, again, they know more than the rest of us. But I agree with Brad. If you watch the news conference of the Rams talking about the pick, the vast majority were not.

Speaker 8:
[98:15] It looks like he wants to hit somebody.

Speaker 3:
[98:17] Boy, he sure did.

Speaker 16:
[98:18] So bad.

Speaker 2:
[98:19] The head coach was not happy with the pick.

Speaker 11:
[98:21] No, he was not. No.

Speaker 3:
[98:29] I cream pieed Nick yesterday, didn't I?

Speaker 11:
[98:32] Oh, no.

Speaker 2:
[98:33] You did?

Speaker 3:
[98:33] Yeah, I brought in those.

Speaker 2:
[98:34] Was I asleep?

Speaker 3:
[98:35] I brought in those oatmeal cream pies for you.

Speaker 2:
[98:38] Josh brought a gift for me yesterday. He knows that I love the little Debbie oatmeal cream pies. So that's interesting to me. It is, Randy Shaver. Randy, don't be offended. I'm never going to care. The NFL draft is so pointless to me.

Speaker 16:
[98:55] Oh my God, how is it pointless?

Speaker 4:
[98:57] In the moment, it's pointless.

Speaker 2:
[98:58] For me, that's exactly right.

Speaker 16:
[98:59] No, it's not. Not in the moment, it's not pointless.

Speaker 2:
[99:00] Randy, we're talking about personal choice here. Let me just finish my sentence. Wake me when these guys take the field.

Speaker 4:
[99:06] Exactly.

Speaker 2:
[99:07] That's the way I look. I don't care about potential. I don't care, hey, this guy might be something special. Wake me when they take the field. That's why I don't take an interest in any draft. But just because we don't care doesn't mean we might be, we won't be able to have some conversation about it. That's all. That's my statement right there. Conversation. Conversation. Very important in morning radio. Oh, boy. Oh, we want water has been requested.

Speaker 4:
[99:45] We can track that guy down and see how he's doing these days.

Speaker 3:
[99:48] He's very thirsty. I bet he died of dehydration.

Speaker 2:
[99:51] We're just looking for random things to chant out loud this morning. We could never match what that guy brought to the table, though.

Speaker 3:
[99:58] Oh, gosh, no.

Speaker 2:
[99:59] Give it to us again.

Speaker 3:
[100:00] All right.

Speaker 11:
[100:03] Oh, my God.

Speaker 3:
[100:04] Haven't you chanted fresh meat or something similar? I thought there was something like that.

Speaker 2:
[100:09] What was that? Fresh meat.

Speaker 11:
[100:11] Fresh meat.

Speaker 2:
[100:12] Sounds familiar.

Speaker 3:
[100:13] Yeah, you had something that you would chant.

Speaker 2:
[100:16] I can't come up with it. Um, but yeah, that was an old. There was a concert festival happening somewhere and they ran out of water. Yeah, I think maybe a slipknot concert and the news cameras, the news cameras showed up and they're filming this nightmare. You know, teenage kids looking like garbage, sun beating down on them in a field. Concert festival went wrong this afternoon when they ran out of water. Right. And as Josh said, when we original ran the room, when we originally ran the audio, boy, did that kid want to be the star of the show.

Speaker 1:
[100:50] They want water!

Speaker 2:
[100:55] The rest of the kids were politely saying, you know, we could use some water.

Speaker 3:
[100:58] Yeah, we are parched.

Speaker 2:
[100:59] This kid said, wait a minute, news cameras? I'm going to be the guy. All right.

Speaker 3:
[101:06] And it was kind of like the now famous Matthew McConaughey Bless the Mood, where he's trying to get people to sing him.

Speaker 16:
[101:14] Yeah, that's so bad.

Speaker 3:
[101:15] Oh, it's awful. People didn't really want to join in.

Speaker 9:
[101:19] Will you do this with me?

Speaker 16:
[101:20] Oh, my God.

Speaker 3:
[101:21] This makes me cringe. Maybe it's too cringey.

Speaker 2:
[101:23] No, do it!

Speaker 3:
[101:26] If you get secondhand embarrassment, this is tough.

Speaker 16:
[101:29] I'm going to set my microphone down. I can't.

Speaker 3:
[101:32] Yeah, this is rough. He's talking in front of a group of people, trying to get people to sing, and nobody was having it. Will you do this with me?

Speaker 11:
[101:39] Just because it will make me feel good. It is time to bless the mood. Are you ready to bless the mood? Are you ready to bless the mood? Are you ready to bless the mood? I need some help, please. Are you ready to bless the mood? Oh, my God. Are you ready to... Come on now, give me some backup. Bless the mood.

Speaker 15:
[102:05] One, two, three.

Speaker 11:
[102:06] Are you ready to bless the mood? Are you ready to bless the mood? Are you ready to...

Speaker 3:
[102:15] Oh, poor guy.

Speaker 16:
[102:16] Oh, my God.

Speaker 8:
[102:18] You need some John Gruden as backup. Some John Gruden, Happy Birthday.

Speaker 2:
[102:23] They should be in a singing group together. Matthew McConaughey and former NFL...

Speaker 11:
[102:27] Happy birthday to you.

Speaker 16:
[102:42] How do you not know how to sing Happy Birthday?

Speaker 2:
[102:45] We've been chanting things this morning for no good reason. Josh, would you help me with the chant? I know you're not... You're the type of guy who... You wouldn't have gotten involved in this, but would you help me with a chant that I got involved in, I think, every day between kindergarten and sixth grade because of our bus driver? Would you help me out?

Speaker 3:
[103:08] Yeah, I'll try.

Speaker 2:
[103:09] Licehead! Licehead! Licehead! Licehead!

Speaker 3:
[103:12] Licehead!

Speaker 5:
[103:13] Oh, and this was at the bus driver, right?

Speaker 2:
[103:15] A couple of our listeners requested maybe we chant Licehead. When I was a kid, our bus driver had terrible head lice, and because we were mean bastards, we would scream that at him the whole way to school, to and from.

Speaker 3:
[103:28] Probably never.

Speaker 2:
[103:29] And he never reacted to it once.

Speaker 5:
[103:32] That makes me so sad.

Speaker 2:
[103:35] I'm talking a dozen seven-year-olds sitting three seats behind him, screaming Licehead, and he never reacted to us.

Speaker 5:
[103:42] Little assholes. He probably had your pictures on the wall at home, and he's throwing knives at the wall.

Speaker 4:
[103:49] He's just picturing that stiff drink he was going to have as soon as he got home.

Speaker 3:
[103:52] Or that brick wall right ahead of him.

Speaker 2:
[103:54] It was wrong, but it brings back wonderful memories.

Speaker 5:
[103:57] Good for him for not snapping at us now.

Speaker 2:
[104:00] He never, he's dead. He never batted an eye. Well, Frick, give me a break. This was 50 years ago. Of course he's not around anymore. Speaking of death, this is terrible. Well, what? I mean, what is he is? I mean, he's got to be. Doug Martin died.

Speaker 16:
[104:19] Yes.

Speaker 2:
[104:20] And he was only 68 years old. Does anyone know what happened to Doug Martin?

Speaker 16:
[104:24] I don't know.

Speaker 2:
[104:25] Former Vikings defensive end. I remember watching him like it was yesterday. Yesterday is how you say it. Hell, he was a great DN for the Vikes for many. Played with Warren Moon at the University of Washington, don't you know, Covey?

Speaker 3:
[104:38] That's too bad. Yeah, I haven't seen a cause of death yet.

Speaker 16:
[104:42] Great player, very quiet guy, very unassuming.

Speaker 2:
[104:48] You know, a listener just texted in and I'd completely forgotten about this rule. We forgot about it when we were kids. No yelling on the bus. I forgot about that. No yelling on the bus. Pig Stars, game four tomorrow in St. Paul. At 4.30 in the afternoon, what a unique idea.

Speaker 16:
[105:06] Perfect day.

Speaker 2:
[105:08] What a unique idea.

Speaker 16:
[105:09] 4.30 hockey and 7.30 basketball.

Speaker 4:
[105:12] Yeah, that works.

Speaker 2:
[105:13] To start a huge game at a reasonable hour.

Speaker 5:
[105:16] That's how it should be.

Speaker 2:
[105:16] Blow me, NHL.

Speaker 4:
[105:19] But on the flip side, though, I'd prefer a late game to be on a Friday or Saturday so I could actually stay up for it. If we have to have a late game, sure. Do you see what I'm saying?

Speaker 2:
[105:28] There you go.

Speaker 3:
[105:28] Greed.

Speaker 2:
[105:29] Of course.

Speaker 15:
[105:31] Oh, wow.

Speaker 2:
[105:33] Someone's wondering if maybe head lice was the cause of death of my bus driver.

Speaker 4:
[105:38] Death by lice?

Speaker 2:
[105:39] I don't know.

Speaker 5:
[105:40] I don't think that's possible, but maybe if you have it for long enough.

Speaker 2:
[105:43] Zuccarella going to play tomorrow? Who knows anything about Zuccarella?

Speaker 5:
[105:48] Haven't heard anything.

Speaker 4:
[105:49] Sounds like they need him. Well, it looks like they need him.

Speaker 8:
[105:51] Who's the goalie tomorrow?

Speaker 4:
[105:54] Probably me.

Speaker 2:
[105:55] Ain't no reason. There ain't no reason to take Dinkus out of there. What's his name again? Wallstead. Zero reason to replace Wallstead.

Speaker 5:
[106:03] I forgot that stupid nickname they gave him.

Speaker 11:
[106:05] What?

Speaker 5:
[106:05] Until watching the playoffs. The Wall of St. Paul.

Speaker 11:
[106:08] Oh, I didn't mind that.

Speaker 5:
[106:09] I don't like it. Wall-E's cute, but the Wall of St. Paul. Shut up.

Speaker 2:
[106:13] That's too many words.

Speaker 8:
[106:14] Yeah.

Speaker 2:
[106:15] Wall-E's fine.

Speaker 8:
[106:17] It's almost like you're trying too hard with the Wall of St. Paul.

Speaker 5:
[106:20] Yeah. That's the vibe I get. Wall-E's cute.

Speaker 2:
[106:22] Ain't no reason to do anything with the goaltender. Don't even bring up the goaltender. He's been wonderful. Last night, the Buffalo Sabres won a game. North Carolina went ahead and won another game. Who else? Colorado? The Edmonton Oilers now got beat at home Wednesday night in game two of their opening round series with the Anaheim Ducks. Now, here's what happened. The game was tied at four a piece in the third period. About five minutes left in regulation time. Went out of no where's. An Oilers fan threw a rotisserie chicken onto the ice.

Speaker 5:
[107:00] Why do you have that? They sell those there?

Speaker 16:
[107:02] How did you smuggle that in?

Speaker 3:
[107:04] He had it to throw it on the ice.

Speaker 2:
[107:06] Maybe he was wearing some of those big pants that PK Subban made famous. Somehow the guy was able to get a rotisserie chicken into the rink. That's not where we're going with this, though. We can leave that to our imagination. Five minutes left in the third period tie game. He ups and throws the rotisserie chicken. Now, word is this gimmick was supposed to be some sort of visual metaphor for ducks being cooked.

Speaker 5:
[107:31] That's terrible. That's a terrible metaphor.

Speaker 2:
[107:34] Ha ha ha ha. Right?

Speaker 5:
[107:36] It would make... I mean, if you're already sneaking the rotisserie chicken in, just bringing a duck...

Speaker 3:
[107:42] That would make more sense.

Speaker 5:
[107:43] Yeah, and I don't understand.

Speaker 2:
[107:45] Bring a live duck to the rink?

Speaker 5:
[107:47] No, like... Yeah, bring some duck breasts there. Start tossing those out.

Speaker 2:
[107:54] Duck breasts. At any rate... So there was a slight delay in the hockey game, of course, because the arena staff had to scoop the carcass up off the ice. A minute later, the Anaheim Ducks scored to take a 5-4 lead. That goal proved to be the game winner. Yes, they had an empty netter after that. But that fifth goal proved... Hockey fans in Alberta are blaming the fan who threw the chicken for the loss. Because the delay to clean up the ice killed the momentum that the Oilers had going on at the moment.

Speaker 3:
[108:29] Oh, that guy's in so much trouble.

Speaker 2:
[108:31] A dude in an Oilers sweater was escorted out the arena for tossing the chicken on the ice. And now, like I said, there are people looking to kick this guy's ass.

Speaker 5:
[108:40] Was it worth it, dude?

Speaker 4:
[108:42] Josh knows a thing or two about tossing the chicken.

Speaker 16:
[108:44] Oh, you!

Speaker 9:
[108:47] Bread is jacking off.

Speaker 16:
[108:49] Oh, no.

Speaker 2:
[108:51] Chicken tosser.

Speaker 8:
[108:54] Was the name on the back of this guy's shirt, Bartman? Steve Bartman?

Speaker 2:
[108:59] Steve Bartman. If you had head lice, Josh, I don't know what we would do with that.

Speaker 3:
[109:05] Okay, I looked it up. You can die from head lice if you have it too long.

Speaker 2:
[109:09] Oh, no.

Speaker 3:
[109:10] It's extremely rare, as you can imagine.

Speaker 11:
[109:12] Lice head, lice head, lice head, lice head.

Speaker 2:
[109:15] And he just sat there staring at the road.

Speaker 3:
[109:17] Do you think he knew you're talking about him? Yes. If it's possible, maybe he thought, boy, there's a kid that really gets ripped on a lot back there for having lice.

Speaker 2:
[109:25] I don't know how the hell he didn't kill one of us or all of us. We thought that was the funniest thing.

Speaker 3:
[109:31] I loved our bus drivers. They were hilarious. We had some pretty funny dudes.

Speaker 2:
[109:36] You had no nicknames for them?

Speaker 3:
[109:38] No.

Speaker 2:
[109:39] Nothing you tortured them over?

Speaker 3:
[109:40] No, they were just kind of fun.

Speaker 2:
[109:43] I don't know, maybe it was just my neighborhood. Last night's Twins game was kind of a mess. They lost her 10-8 to the New York Mets. What did someone say earlier? Someone texted in to say, think of it this way, the Twins helped get the Mets back on their feet.

Speaker 3:
[110:01] Yeah. They're nice.

Speaker 2:
[110:03] I got a text too from a Mets fan who lives here in Minneapolis. And he said, I want to thank the Twins for their service. And making fun of both ball clubs not being the greatest currently, he says to me, it kind of feels like the Twins and Mets will be like Jim Carrey and Jeff Daniels riding a moped together for the rest of the baseball season. That's a brilliant way to...

Speaker 16:
[110:32] Yeah, feels that way.

Speaker 2:
[110:34] I mean, the Twins are still doing fine.

Speaker 16:
[110:36] Yeah, they're fine. They're 500.

Speaker 8:
[110:38] Yeah.

Speaker 2:
[110:38] Last night was...

Speaker 8:
[110:39] If they had ended today, they would only be a game out of the wild card.

Speaker 2:
[110:43] Bit of a train wreck for Joe Ryan. I understand that the Mets had a little bit of a hiccup where, you know, they turn all the lights down for the big who's coming out of the bullpen routine. That's a thing now, especially the closer, as you know.

Speaker 16:
[110:59] I think they need to stop doing that if your closers got an ERA over 10.

Speaker 2:
[111:04] Right.

Speaker 16:
[111:05] I don't think that works.

Speaker 8:
[111:06] Or maybe they should leave the lights off when he pitches. That might...

Speaker 2:
[111:11] Devon Williams, right, he's having a terrible time with the Mets.

Speaker 16:
[111:13] Oh, just awful.

Speaker 2:
[111:14] So I guess what happened last, and the Twins had made a nice comeback. They were down 7-2. Jeffers hit a grand slam. They tied the game. It was exciting stuff. But the snafu with the Mets was with the lights down and all that special effects crap that we have to do now for the closer. Devon Williams came a-trotting out, and so did another reliever for the Mets. So because both guys crossed the foul line, which makes them officially entered into the ball game, there was some kind of nightmare there, where a guy had to pitch for a while, even though that's not what the Mets manager wanted. Are you following what I'm saying here?

Speaker 16:
[111:51] Yeah, that's bizarre.

Speaker 8:
[111:52] Yeah. Did the other guy have to play in the field somewhere then?

Speaker 2:
[111:55] That's a good question. I didn't see it happen, because I had tuned over to the Wolves by then. So I don't know exactly all the details, but they had some kind of snafu with the special effects closer gimmick. The twins start a series in, how do you call it? Tampa Bay, Florida tonight.

Speaker 16:
[112:13] Taj against his old team tonight.

Speaker 2:
[112:16] Taj Bradley. Looking all right, that kid, I'll tell you right. What is this now? The Milwaukee Brewers finished a three game series against the Detroit Tigers yesterday afternoon in Detroit. The Brewers lost five to four, but the Brew Crew did well against Randy's wet dream to wreck Scoobble.

Speaker 8:
[112:37] They got a little bit of a rough start.

Speaker 2:
[112:39] Four earned runs off of Scoobble, seven hits and six innings. The Brewers lost the game, but yesterday they faced Scoobble. Tonight Milwaukee starts a series at home with the Pittsburgh Pirates. Skeens. Paul Skeens starts for the Pirates. So, this marks only the second time ever that a big league club has had to face the reigning Cy Young winners in back-to-back games. Wow. Scoobble was last year's American League Cy Young. Skeens was last year's National League Cy Young winner. The Brewers get them tonight. Of course, with big league baseball now doing this everybody plays everybody gimmick, this is possible. Years ago, this would be impossible.

Speaker 16:
[113:19] That's correct.

Speaker 2:
[113:20] The only other occurrence came just last year when the Boston Red Sox had to face Scoobble and Chris Sale on back-to-back days. Kind of interesting.

Speaker 16:
[113:35] Seems so archaic, doesn't it, that the American League only played the American League and the National League only played the National League? Yeah, you're right. When you sit and think about it, it seems like a pretty stupid thing to do.

Speaker 2:
[113:48] Yeah, I toggle back and forth whether I like the wide-open concept or if I like how it was when I grew up, where you only saw the National Leaguers at the All-Star break and on this week in baseball. You know what I'm saying?

Speaker 16:
[114:04] Yeah, right. I just think it's so archaic.

Speaker 2:
[114:07] It is.

Speaker 16:
[114:09] It's, I mean, I'm with you. I grew up that way with baseball, but this way is so much better because you get a chance to see all these great players. Yeah. It's just so much better.

Speaker 2:
[114:22] You like it better.

Speaker 16:
[114:23] I do. I really do. I wish I would have had this when I was growing up because.

Speaker 2:
[114:28] Yeah, you're right. You're right.

Speaker 16:
[114:29] I would have loved to have seen Hank Aaron at least once a year or whatever it is.

Speaker 2:
[114:35] Jesus Christ, he's so old, Hank Aaron was still playing. No, no, Randy, I agree. But then sometimes we've had this conversation before. When you're on the air for 30 years, you repeat a few conversations sometimes in the same week. But but also it would have taken away the uniqueness of the All-Star experience and the uniqueness of the World Series.

Speaker 16:
[114:58] Yeah, but you're talking about just two times in the year that you would have that uniqueness. I it just seems kind of short-sighted to not let every player or let the fan see everybody player. Yeah, I hear you, you know, because we growing up, I think we missed watching so much of the talented players, the Hall of Fame players that I never saw on TV or whatever, because the market I lived in was a Cubs market. We rarely saw the American League on TV when I was growing up. So it's just, you know.

Speaker 2:
[115:39] Yeah, I hear you.

Speaker 16:
[115:40] It's just this is so much better for baseball fans.

Speaker 2:
[115:44] How about this? This is something the kid will always remember. An Atlanta Braves pitcher went and gave up a yard sale on the very first pitch of his big league career.

Speaker 16:
[115:52] Poor guy.

Speaker 5:
[115:53] Oh, oh.

Speaker 2:
[115:55] The kid's name is JR. Ritchie. He's the Braves' number two prospect. And the fun part for fans of this JR. Ritchie, you know, or Braves fans. After he gave up this dung, he did have a terrific start for a first.

Speaker 16:
[116:09] Yeah, I think he won his game.

Speaker 2:
[116:11] He won the game. He went on to go, you know, seven innings. He did look great. But the very first pitch he threw as a big leaguer went into the seats. A Nationals player by the name of James Woods. Oh my God.

Speaker 16:
[116:24] He's really good.

Speaker 2:
[116:24] James Woods.

Speaker 16:
[116:26] I would want Woods to sign that ball and I would keep it. If I were the pitcher.

Speaker 2:
[116:31] Yeah.

Speaker 8:
[116:33] So was a Brad Radke start. He gave up a first inning home run and then he settled in.

Speaker 2:
[116:37] Yeah. James Wood, sorry. There's no S at the end. Because James Woods is that wacky actor from television.

Speaker 4:
[116:47] I only know him from Family Guy when they parody him.

Speaker 5:
[116:50] Yeah, same here.

Speaker 3:
[116:51] Is that what the high school's name?

Speaker 4:
[116:53] Yeah, James Woods.

Speaker 2:
[116:54] Oh my God. There you go.

Speaker 8:
[116:57] You know, I'm sure his teammates had some fun with that too. His teammates probably should have got that ball signed by that guy who hit the home run and given it to him after the game. That probably wasn't funny.

Speaker 2:
[117:06] Here's a listener. Back to this big hockey game tomorrow. It was funny. It was interesting when the Pigs lost in double overtime the other night. Great hockey game could have gone either way. We did get a lot of texts with some piss and vinegar behind it, right? It's happening all over again. They're going to blow it, right? Sure. It was shocking a month ago, whatever, when we were talking hockey on this program and a lot of people texted in and said, who cares? Anyway, this is great. Guy just texted in and said, well, the Wild Head had a great season. Let's get those docks in the water, boys. Let's get in there.

Speaker 8:
[117:48] Oh, man. Okay, you set me up again with the dock conversation. You want me to go down that road?

Speaker 3:
[117:53] Oh, yeah. Do you have an opinion on docks?

Speaker 8:
[117:55] Yeah, I do, by the way. The folks at Nick them do a great job. They're going to be out next week and put my dock, my bulldozer.

Speaker 5:
[118:03] That's so nice. I do like those guys. They're very good guys.

Speaker 2:
[118:09] Lots going on this weekend then, everybody. We got this and we got that.

Speaker 4:
[118:15] Well, the biggest thing is about the week and we haven't even touched on yet.

Speaker 3:
[118:18] What's that?

Speaker 2:
[118:18] Hit me with it.

Speaker 4:
[118:19] I'm going to be at the Lakeville Fleet Farm from 9 to 11 hanging out.

Speaker 5:
[118:22] Oh, I cannot wait to do that.

Speaker 3:
[118:23] What day?

Speaker 4:
[118:23] Yeah, tomorrow.

Speaker 5:
[118:24] There's nothing I'd rather do between 9 and 11 on a Saturday.

Speaker 8:
[118:27] Now, that's a day. Go visit Dana in the morning, go watch the wild in the afternoon and watch the world.

Speaker 4:
[118:32] Yeah, start your day with me at 9 a.m. at the Lakeville Fleet Farm. We're going to have a blast. It can be free hot dogs. You can make a fishing lure, free hats for the first 400 people. There's a lot happening.

Speaker 3:
[118:42] I love Fleet Farm.

Speaker 5:
[118:43] Yeah, free hot dogs.

Speaker 16:
[118:45] Yeah, actually, you could start the weekend. You could start the weekend tonight and watch Nick blow out his Achilles at drop shot in Shockopy as he plays pickleball tonight.

Speaker 4:
[118:58] Everybody getting their plugs in.

Speaker 2:
[118:59] I'll be there. I'll be there. And if I get hurt, like I've said multiple times, I'll be that guy. Because someone hurting themselves while playing pickleball is why we all watch pickleball.

Speaker 5:
[119:15] Yes.

Speaker 2:
[119:17] And if I have to be that guy and add to the entertainment, hell, if it happens naturally, I'm all for it. Nine a.m. tomorrow morning, Mills Fleet Farm.

Speaker 4:
[119:26] Yep, absolutely. Down in Lakeville.

Speaker 2:
[119:28] Lakeville. We all love the Fleet Farm.

Speaker 3:
[119:32] And half my clothing is from...

Speaker 4:
[119:33] Yeah, Josh, you have a Fleet Farm branded sweatshirt.

Speaker 2:
[119:36] This sumbitch I'm wearing right here came from Fleet. And we all love to share stories of our most awkward and uncomfortable radio promotions. We've shared them up and down and over and over again.

Speaker 1:
[119:53] I've had some lonely mornings, Dana, in situations like what you're going up against tomorrow, where the people walk up and say, what are you doing here?

Speaker 5:
[120:03] Yeah, that's the worst.

Speaker 1:
[120:06] And then the boss usually walks up and says, are you broadcasting live?

Speaker 2:
[120:10] Oh yeah, that's the worst.

Speaker 1:
[120:12] Why aren't you broadcasting live? I thought this was a live broadcast. No. Well, what are you doing here? So have fun tomorrow morning.

Speaker 2:
[120:21] I've done Fleet Farms before. It's always a lot of fun. We always get a lot of people out there.

Speaker 1:
[120:25] So they do know what you're doing there?

Speaker 2:
[120:27] We built a relationship. I know those guys really well.

Speaker 1:
[120:31] Well, then that's a huge benefit. Because as Josh would tell you, sometimes there's zero communication between our sales department and wherever that promotion is taking place, to where they have really no idea why you're there, or they've gotten a blown out version of why you're there. Aren't you broadcasting live today with Metallica?

Speaker 2:
[120:55] Right.

Speaker 1:
[120:56] No.

Speaker 5:
[120:57] With Metallica.

Speaker 1:
[120:59] I'll get on to you.

Speaker 3:
[121:00] Do you want to have random people coming up to you asking what aisle the extension cords are in?

Speaker 1:
[121:07] Brad Ryder, I would have prayed for simply that, some of those promotions.

Speaker 4:
[121:11] Or you go to the ones where they're like, all right, we hired a bunch of parking attendants and extra security. Why is there two people that...

Speaker 1:
[121:17] Right.

Speaker 2:
[121:18] Well, the worst one I ever had, and I think this could be the all-timer, was a cell phone promotion from 5 to 7 p.m. on the Friday of Memorial Day Weekend. Oh, my gosh. It was me and three employees, not a single soul walked through the door.

Speaker 5:
[121:34] No, nobody's doing anything with their phone on a day like that.

Speaker 2:
[121:38] The Friday of Memorial Day Weekend.

Speaker 1:
[121:41] That's bad.

Speaker 5:
[121:42] Also, I've never... I've done one of the cell phone ones and I never can understand it because the only people that are in a cell phone store, people that are angry usually, like they're usually pissy about having to be there and solve a problem.

Speaker 3:
[121:54] Window shopping. They need something now.

Speaker 5:
[121:57] Exactly. Like, oh, hey, do you want to sign up to win some corn tickets? No.

Speaker 4:
[122:01] It's kind of fun when you go to the one... Like, I've been done a couple of the cell phone ones where they bring out like a monster truck or something like that. That's when it's really cool.

Speaker 1:
[122:09] Now, we're running late here, but those are all bad. But do I have to tell you again about when 93X, and this was back when we did play some pretty hard music and we had that cliche, douchey, hard rock, tough guy thing happening around here, right? When I did the promotion at the Supper Club with the Supremes cover band, the Supremes, ooh wah, ooh wah, why do fools follow them? I grabbed our little bucket of promotional items and I said, bye. And the owner said, what are you doing here? Why are you here? And I said, well, we got a promotion between now and now. You do? Who set that up? Who are you?

Speaker 4:
[122:59] That is the worst one. They hate that you're there.

Speaker 1:
[123:01] All there is in the crowd is elderly people eating dinner. And then a curtain opens on a miniature stage and three women in sequined dresses came out to sing Supremes hits for the next two hours. Bye. Randy and Brad, you guys have a good time. And Randy, I'll see you tonight at the Thing. You bet. We'll be down there playing pickle. Brad, thanks, Brad. And we'll be back here in a few minutes on the program.

Speaker 6:
[123:27] 93X, the home of the Half-Assed Morning Show.

Speaker 1:
[123:34] Friday. Nobody cares. We love these great crowds. We do. But it's Friday and nobody gives a rat's ass. Here's something we hope you're really like. As we dial in here at, oh, it's already 837. Oh, man, that feels pretty good. Here's something we hope you're really like. First off, Dana, Ashley Cubby. Do any of you bastards, do you watch Wheel of Fortune on television?

Speaker 4:
[124:06] Been a long time.

Speaker 5:
[124:07] Yeah, I love Wheel of Fortune. I used to watch it a lot more when I lived in Wisconsin because the small town bar that was up the street from my house used to have it on all the time. People look at me weird when I talk about how one of my favorite things to do at the bar used to be to sit there with the old timers and play Wheel of Fortune.

Speaker 2:
[124:24] Oh, no, that's fun. That's a blast, Ashley.

Speaker 1:
[124:26] Game-shar, game-shar. Game shows are big at the bar.

Speaker 5:
[124:31] Yeah.

Speaker 1:
[124:32] My neighborhood bar, there's still a window of time where everyone's watching, whatever the game show is. I don't follow it. But yeah, what time does Wheel of Fortune come on? 5 or 6 p.m.?

Speaker 2:
[124:47] Wheel of Fortune, 630.

Speaker 1:
[124:49] Yeah. Game shows are bigger at the bar than I think some people would know.

Speaker 4:
[124:56] Is it Ryan Seacrest that hosts that now?

Speaker 2:
[124:58] Yeah.

Speaker 4:
[125:00] An alpaca farmer from Minnesota just won $183,000 on Wheel of Fortune.

Speaker 5:
[125:04] That is so cool.

Speaker 4:
[125:05] Did you guys see that story in the news?

Speaker 5:
[125:06] We live in the lion.

Speaker 2:
[125:07] Everything about that is cool.

Speaker 5:
[125:08] Alpaca's in money? That's not fair. You can only have one.

Speaker 1:
[125:13] I'm sorry. A local alpaca farmer?

Speaker 4:
[125:15] I thought they said he was from North Mankato.

Speaker 1:
[125:17] Won how much money?

Speaker 4:
[125:19] $183,000.

Speaker 1:
[125:20] That's a lot of money.

Speaker 4:
[125:21] It is.

Speaker 1:
[125:22] Okay. So some of you watch Wheel of Fortune. I've never... When I was a kid, I liked a couple of game shows. It's not my thing, but all right. Oh, but actually, now that I'm mentioning this, what?

Speaker 4:
[125:36] What about like Family Feud or Dating Game?

Speaker 5:
[125:39] Oh, I just watched that for like a couple days in a row. I don't know what was happening there.

Speaker 1:
[125:43] I mean, yeah, I remember all of those, Josh, and I would sit in on a couple episodes here and there, but overall, game shows never really drew me into where I had to see it every week or it became a routine. But absolutely, Tic Tac Doe with Wingard, Martindale, I want to go to those.

Speaker 4:
[125:58] Well, Price Is Right used to watch that every day in the summer.

Speaker 5:
[126:02] I took my mom to one of those little taping things. It wasn't the legit people, whatever they do in Casino. Yeah, that was really fun.

Speaker 2:
[126:10] We did a Wheel of Fortune, one of those, actually. It was a blast.

Speaker 1:
[126:13] So here's the deal. What show were you just talking about?

Speaker 4:
[126:20] We did a lot. Price Is Right.

Speaker 1:
[126:21] Price Is Right, sorry. OK. You know what I have going? Maybe I will become a game show fan, eventually, because on my television, I just figured this out by flipping through channels. I have, at the ready, a 24-hour Price Is Right channel.

Speaker 4:
[126:41] Oh, really?

Speaker 1:
[126:41] And it's all Bob Barker. And so far, from what I've watched, it's all 70s era.

Speaker 5:
[126:48] Perfect.

Speaker 1:
[126:49] Price Is Right. 70s people, 70s cars, people giving away for $1,100 for a new car.

Speaker 5:
[126:57] Yeah, I think seeing the prices on stuff would make me depressed. I couldn't watch it.

Speaker 1:
[127:03] It's fascinating. And it's fascinating some of the dopey things they gave away on that show in the 70s, where a lady would get the correct price up there in the front panel, you know how they do. And then they'd get up to Bob Barker. She gives him a kiss on the cheek. And Bob says, here's what you might win. And the curtain comes across the, and it's a brass mirror.

Speaker 4:
[127:29] Whoa.

Speaker 1:
[127:30] And everyone in the crowd goes, holy bull. A brand new brass mirror. And today we would go, what? That's it?

Speaker 4:
[127:39] Bob Barker was so great.

Speaker 1:
[127:40] It was a simpler time. Now wait a minute. Now here's what I've taken away from, ever since I discovered I have this 24 hour 70s, I keep forgetting the name of the show. Price is right. Ever since I realized I have this all Bob Barker, 70s era, Price is Right channel, what I've noticed is he's kind of a dick. Oh is he? Yes.

Speaker 5:
[128:03] I don't remember.

Speaker 1:
[128:04] He gets aggravated easily by people when they don't talk into the microphone. He gets aggravated by the people who turn their back, right? Cause they're asking their wife, Oh, what do you think the price is on this thing? He gets aggravated when they don't know how to spin the wheel. Now again, this is new to me. I obviously, I knew who Bob Barker was. I was aware of the prices, right? But I never got involved in it. From what I've seen, he kind of comes off like an aggravated prick.

Speaker 4:
[128:28] It's funny the stuff you don't notice as a kid.

Speaker 1:
[128:30] Come over sometime and watch. Maybe it was just the 70s and he was going through multiple divorces and had a drinking problem. I don't know. But Josh, come over and watch this with me. And it's kind of like when we realize that Santa Claus is a prick and Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer.

Speaker 4:
[128:43] Right. I was just going to mention that you had said that once and I was like, what are you talking about? And I rewatched it. Santa Claus sucks in that show.

Speaker 1:
[128:51] He's a douche and I want to punch his lights up.

Speaker 4:
[128:53] Me too.

Speaker 1:
[128:53] So come over and watch this 70s anyway.

Speaker 4:
[128:57] No, people are saying that he was famously rude to people who are overweight. Have you noticed that?

Speaker 1:
[129:02] That I...

Speaker 4:
[129:03] I don't remember any of that. I guess as a kid, it went over my head.

Speaker 1:
[129:06] That I haven't noticed yet, but he's been generally an obstinate prick from what I've seen so far.

Speaker 4:
[129:11] Dang.

Speaker 1:
[129:12] Okay.

Speaker 4:
[129:13] Oh, that sucks. I loved him. I guess maybe not anymore.

Speaker 1:
[129:17] We started off talking about Wheel of Fortune. Still on the air?

Speaker 2:
[129:21] Oh, yeah.

Speaker 1:
[129:21] New episodes?

Speaker 4:
[129:22] Yep.

Speaker 2:
[129:23] Ryan Seacrest and Vanna.

Speaker 1:
[129:24] Oh, there you go.

Speaker 4:
[129:24] How is Ryan Seacrest on there?

Speaker 2:
[129:26] He's good. He's smooth. He's so used to being on live TV that he's just great. Not that Wheel of Fortune is live, obviously, but you know what I mean.

Speaker 1:
[129:33] Yes.

Speaker 4:
[129:33] Taped in front of a studio.

Speaker 1:
[129:35] He seems quite natural to me. Here's the deal. Here's somebody who did some research and some arithmetic that nobody asked for, but that's 90% of research, is it not? Nobody asked for this, but they went ahead anyway. What the guy came up with is this. A good amount of people who win big monies or expensive prizes on Wheel of Fortune go immediately home and divorce their wife or husband.

Speaker 4:
[130:09] Well, they're famous, they got some money they didn't have before.

Speaker 1:
[130:13] They come into some money, they gain a little fame.

Speaker 4:
[130:16] All their friends are thinking, that's cool, I know the price is right, or the Wheel of Fortune guy.

Speaker 1:
[130:19] I won a Mercedes, I got a month's trip paid for it, a Maui and $600,000 I won in my run on Wheel of Fortune. They go home and they walk away from their family. Bye bye. That is hilarious and that is cold-blooded.

Speaker 4:
[130:39] This has been a real bummer for me. People are texting in and saying Bob Barker was a jerk and they're giving examples like not on the show.

Speaker 1:
[130:47] Oh, really?

Speaker 4:
[130:47] I hadn't heard this stuff before.

Speaker 1:
[130:49] I'm telling you, Josh, that's interesting. I thought maybe I was the only one who noticed.

Speaker 4:
[130:53] No, people are saying it was kind of well-known, I guess.

Speaker 1:
[130:56] Really? Because when I'm watching the show now, again, I have the one more time with the name of his show. I can't come up with it. When I've watched these prices, I've known this for about two weeks. When I watch these old prices right episodes, he, oh no, no, you don't play the game like that. No, no, step over here and speak into the microphone. Hey, Angela, whatever the lady is on the stage, stop turning around and looking for answers from the crowd. I need an answer. He comes off, and I mean, we all know it couldn't have been an easy gig. You're dealing with goofy people all day. You're dealing with complete strangers all day. At least that's what we're led to believe on television. All these different people, he's got a handle in a 30-minute show. I bet it could be tough.

Speaker 4:
[131:40] And they're probably, what, taping four of them a day?

Speaker 1:
[131:42] Yeah, oh yeah. And a lot of folks, I'm sure, did some drinking before they came to Sweden in the 70s. They got drunk before they came on The Price is Right.

Speaker 4:
[131:50] People are bringing up examples I forgot. In Happy Gilmore, he did have a temper. I saw that.

Speaker 1:
[131:56] On Happy Gilmore, he was only defending himself.

Speaker 4:
[131:58] I thought that was so funny, because I was like, yeah, he would never say that in real life. Now people are saying the opposite. And shoot, these texts are coming in so fast. You're right. He did hate animal genitals. And that's something I should have clued in on. Every show, he'd end by saying, make sure you get your pet spayed or neutered.

Speaker 6:
[132:16] Oh, yes.

Speaker 4:
[132:17] He hated animals.

Speaker 1:
[132:18] He hated animals.

Speaker 4:
[132:19] He loved the torture to torture animals.

Speaker 1:
[132:21] He wanted to see cats and dogs just up and become extinct.

Speaker 4:
[132:28] Now a couple of people are saying that they met him and he was a nice guy.

Speaker 1:
[132:31] OK.

Speaker 4:
[132:32] Red Butcher Jesus is as disappointed as I am. He says, well, at least Bill Cosby still holds up.

Speaker 1:
[132:39] God damn.

Speaker 4:
[132:40] I hope Red Butcher Jesus doesn't have access to Google.

Speaker 1:
[132:44] Boy, did Bob have some missiles hanging around this side of that program. But anyway, so what do you think of this? The people who win on Wheel of Fortune was specifically studied. But maybe you could say the same about any game show where, F me, running after a week of victories on any game show, you got a half a million dollars and a new Hummer. Maybe it goes the same with every game show. But this individual just studied the Wheel of Fortune and says a good amount of them go home after their victories and leave their families behind. They divorce their wife or husband. They tell the kids, I'll check in with you from time to time. And they gone.

Speaker 4:
[133:27] Boy, I would never be in danger of that. Well, I wouldn't be on one of those for one. And then two, I wouldn't be successful. But I mentioned before, my wife with all these game shows dominates. She has a special talent. She is so good at that stuff, I can't figure it out.

Speaker 1:
[133:41] What's your price to walk away from your ungrateful family?

Speaker 4:
[133:44] There's no way I'd walk away.

Speaker 1:
[133:46] 651-989-9393. What's your price to walk away from your significant other and your family forever?

Speaker 4:
[133:53] What am I going to spend it on? The family, if I had the money.

Speaker 5:
[133:57] Yeah, honestly.

Speaker 1:
[133:58] I'm too old to walk away now, I am. But when I say I would have won half a million dollars when I was 30 years old, I would have walked away from everybody. See ya. Yeah, I'm too old now.

Speaker 4:
[134:10] Yeah, before I met my wife, if somebody said, hey, I'll give you however many million dollars to never date again, I'd certainly consider that.

Speaker 1:
[134:19] That's really interesting to me. So Wheel of Fortune, who's the host now? You said it. Don't tell me. Ronnie.

Speaker 4:
[134:27] Right.

Speaker 1:
[134:27] Ron.

Speaker 4:
[134:28] Right.

Speaker 1:
[134:29] Ronnie Van Zandt.

Speaker 4:
[134:30] Oh, wouldn't that be something?

Speaker 1:
[134:31] Wouldn't that be great if he ended the show? Like when someone wins a half a million dollars and a Mercedes and a year's vacation in Maui, wouldn't that be cool if Ryan Seacrest said, hey, man, good luck with the divorce?

Speaker 2:
[134:41] Here's a number for a divorce attorney.

Speaker 4:
[134:43] He winks at him and says, you're welcome.

Speaker 1:
[134:48] 20 bucks and a box of envelopes is all one of our listers would need to leave his wife and kids.

Speaker 4:
[134:55] I have a box of envelopes that was gifted to me when I graduated high school.

Speaker 1:
[134:59] See, I still use envelopes.

Speaker 4:
[135:01] Rarely, very rarely do that.

Speaker 5:
[135:03] Yeah, I never. If I ever have to use them, then I have to buy a whole pack of them.

Speaker 1:
[135:06] I used them.

Speaker 4:
[135:07] And I used a bunch, but it was just that big of a box. It was like from Office Depot or something. The internet had just started to take off when I went to college. I mean, email, I just learned about after I already graduated high school. I saw it on like Channel 4. They're talking about email. And so my aunt gave me this huge box of envelopes so I could write letters to people. And so I still have it. I've used about half of it in the 30 something years.

Speaker 1:
[135:29] You probably still have your confirmation money. That's a cheap joke. No one's ever heard that joke before? No. You guys need to start hanging out with more elderly people. Sorry. When I'm at the, so you still have these envelopes that were gifted to you?

Speaker 4:
[135:42] I still have, again, from high school in 1993, I still have some.

Speaker 1:
[135:45] Almost every other time I sit down at the bar with an old timer at the Wise Ed Allegiant, when the old timer opens up his wallet, the other one says, he's probably still got his confirmation money in there. Right? He's cheap.

Speaker 2:
[135:55] He's Titan.

Speaker 1:
[135:56] What time is it, Dana?

Speaker 2:
[135:57] 8.49.

Speaker 1:
[135:58] Now, we got to take a break. Now, I lost where I was going with this. Envelopes. Then we got to take a break and we can get back to where listeners are texting in what their price would be to leave their family. We got to do that before we leave. Envelopes. I still use them, but you might be surprised. You're probably thinking, what do I use them for bills or whatnot? No, no. My wife handles the money in the family now, so I don't. It's for Josh. That's how I mail out my threats to the government. I use an envelope and I lick the shirt, and then I write with crayon on them.

Speaker 5:
[136:34] That's such a cute picture, picturing you being so evil like that.

Speaker 2:
[136:39] I'm picturing you cutting out the individual letters in the magazine and gluing them all together.

Speaker 5:
[136:42] Yeah, so is I.

Speaker 1:
[136:43] Usually I use crayon, but when the crayons get a little too short, I might paste, like you said, and I write on the envelope in red crayon, the government.

Speaker 4:
[136:53] Dear the government.

Speaker 1:
[136:54] I put it in.

Speaker 6:
[136:56] The Half-Assed Morning Show 93X.

Speaker 1:
[137:00] Yeah, we've made a pretty good push, but we got to get the hell out of here in just a couple of minutes. We'll see on Monday. We had a conversation a few minutes ago cooking about some research that was done, some arithmetic that was done by some crackpot, and he put this information up on the godless internet. He, I mean, this guy studied 1,950 reruns of the television show Wheel of Fortune.

Speaker 2:
[137:30] Got some time on his hands.

Speaker 1:
[137:31] Did some follow-through on the contestants. It sounds kind of invasive, really.

Speaker 4:
[137:36] It really does, psycho.

Speaker 1:
[137:38] Here's what he came up with. He said, a good amount of people who win big piles of money or wonderful prizes on Wheel of Fortune, they go straight home and divorce their significant others and leave their families because now they've got money and a cool car and a vacation to Italy or whatever. And they say, I don't need you people anymore. I'm gone. Very interesting to me. So I threw the question out there to our listeners. What's your price to leave your family behind? Here are some of the answers. Well, Vanilla Jesus says, or Smooth Vanilla Jesus, maybe. He said he'd walk away from his family in trade for a pack of hot dogs and a wagon.

Speaker 4:
[138:22] I mean, that wagon could come in handy.

Speaker 1:
[138:23] A wagon just so he can, I guess, carry his belongings. A case of Miller Diets and a log of Copenhagen. Well, here's, Sparky Jesus is very specific. He says, if you have a million dollars, I'll take it. And I will walk away from my family for one million dollars.

Speaker 4:
[138:40] That's a lot of money.

Speaker 1:
[138:41] Another listener texted in and said, don't you know the old divorce slogan? And it wasn't familiar to me. He said there's no amount of money to walk away from his family because of that old slogan. It's cheaper to keep her.

Speaker 2:
[138:54] No, I haven't heard that.

Speaker 1:
[138:56] $700,000, says one of our listeners. If you have $700,000, he will leave his wife and his children, but he wants to keep the cat and the dog, too.

Speaker 4:
[139:06] Sabatonfan420 Jesus said, two crackers and a corn chip.

Speaker 1:
[139:11] My god.

Speaker 4:
[139:11] I do like corn chips.

Speaker 1:
[139:12] Just to keep him going.

Speaker 4:
[139:15] That's it.

Speaker 1:
[139:15] As he walks down the road.

Speaker 4:
[139:17] That's all he needs.

Speaker 1:
[139:19] MinnesotaFirefighter Jesus says, hell, I got two teenagers and a wife in menopause. I'm going to walk for free. One listener wants, very specifically Josh, a 20 and 26 Yamaha YZ450 with a full tank of gas. And he's gone.

Speaker 4:
[139:37] He's gone quickly.

Speaker 1:
[139:39] Seven bucks and a pack of jolly ranchers. I think the Loch Ness Monster might have texted the program.

Speaker 4:
[139:45] Why is that?

Speaker 1:
[139:45] On the subject of what it would take for him to leave his family. The Loch Ness Monster, Ashley. It's got to be because his answer is Tree Fitty. He'll take Tree. Isn't that a reference to a comedy show at one point or another?

Speaker 4:
[140:02] That sounds familiar. I don't know about the Loch Ness Monster.

Speaker 1:
[140:03] The Loch Ness Monster was demanding Tree Fitty. You had to be there. And finally, at least this is what I got. One of our listeners says $237,000.

Speaker 5:
[140:17] That's an odd number.

Speaker 2:
[140:18] It's a specific amount.

Speaker 1:
[140:19] He says, for $237,000, I would leave my wife and my kids. And then I would find a new woman. I would marry her. I would create another family. And I'd leave her too for $237,000.

Speaker 4:
[140:34] He's got a new business opportunity. South Park is where that comes from, the Tree Fitty.

Speaker 1:
[140:40] I knew there was something. All right. What do you got, Cubby? Because I'm done.

Speaker 4:
[140:44] Well, we have a few shout outs. Actually strap in because we got quite a few here. Oh no, my computer is freezing.

Speaker 1:
[140:50] Here we go.

Speaker 4:
[140:51] From the Luther, Kea Bloomington text line, shout out to Metal Grinding to Buring Jesus. Happy birthday to Tyler from your fiance, Amber. Brett would like to wish his smoking hot wife, Marissa, a happy 17th anniversary. Karen Rogers, his adduced Jesus, said he'd like to wish his, quote, pretty decent looking wife a happy birthday this Sunday.

Speaker 5:
[141:10] Careful.

Speaker 4:
[141:12] Creole connoisseur Jesus texted in a shout out to his daughter, the cutest little tyrant, Emery. She's graduating from the terrible twos to the threatening threes. Happy birthday to you, Emery. Happy birthday or half birthday to snow blowing off my car on the road, Jesus, and fat Wisconsin dietitian Jesus, shouting out his boy Sloppy as they hit Minneapolis for a bachelor party.

Speaker 1:
[141:36] What up, Sloppy?

Speaker 4:
[141:37] Have a great weekend.