transcript

Speaker 1:
[00:00] This episode of the Savage Lovecast is brought to you by Load Boost by VB Health. Load Boost is a supplement designed to improve the taste, the volume and the overall health of your semen. If you're already putting in the work, why not make your performance unforgettable? Made in the USA, NSF certified and produced in an FDA registered facility, thousands of guys across 50 states and 45 countries swear by Load Boost. If you want bigger finishes and better reviews from your audiences, if you want better taste, better mouthfeel, go to loadboost.com today and use code Savage for 10% off or click the link in this week's episode description. That's loadboost.com and use offer code Savage. You're listening to After Action Report at savage.love. After Action Report. Welcome to After Action Report, where my listeners tell me about something new, they tried, how it went, and whether they would ever do it again. This week on After Action Report, we meet Mitchell, who finally got to indulge or finally was indulged in something. He'd had to hide his whole life. I loved this AAR, this After Action Report, so much because it reminds us all how weird and how random a kink or a turn-on can be. I even share a very random turn-on of my own, and Mitchell's girlfriend, who is a big part of the story, shows us all what GGG really means. Mitchell, welcome to After Action Report. Thank you for joining me.

Speaker 2:
[01:37] Hi, Dan and Nancy and tech savvy at-risk youth.

Speaker 1:
[01:40] So, Mitchell, before we get to the thing that you did, tell us a little bit about yourself.

Speaker 2:
[01:43] I'm 38, have now been poly for about two years. My wife has wanted to be poly for the majority of our relationship.

Speaker 1:
[01:54] Oh, thank God.

Speaker 2:
[01:55] And has eventually gotten me there. I was, you could say briefly poly under duress, but then as soon as I got an experience of my own, that duress completely evaporated.

Speaker 1:
[02:07] You need to write a memoir. I've been talking about this a lot on this show. Well, all the poly memoirs are written by women where it was the husband or boyfriend's idea to open the relationship or to become poly. And all these women who've written the memoirs were poly under duress. And now everybody out there in the world thinks it's always his idea. And yet in your case, it was her idea. And we really need to hear from more guys like you who are the poly under duress partner at first. All right, what is the story that you have to share with us? What's the thing you got to do?

Speaker 2:
[02:37] The thing that I got to do is I have always had an extremely sexual reaction to getting my hair washed. And that happens during a nice haircut. And I know that you have encouraged people to be, what is the term that you use?

Speaker 1:
[02:56] Secret perving.

Speaker 2:
[02:57] Secret perving. But my reaction is not subtle. And that has not been an option for me.

Speaker 1:
[03:04] And if you're getting a fancy haircut and you're in that chair that leans way back to put your head in the sink, and you're aroused, that could be easily spotted. It's hard to secretly perv if you've got a raging boner and you're laying practically flat in front of the person that you have the raging boner because of.

Speaker 2:
[03:23] And wanting to start moaning is not something that can be secret.

Speaker 1:
[03:27] Were you worried that these were consent violations every time you got your hair washed?

Speaker 2:
[03:32] No, I just very uncomfortably tried not to do that and also stopped getting that kind of hair cut.

Speaker 1:
[03:39] Ah, you know, I used to have this, I wrote about this years ago. I'm going to date myself here, this is how old I am. I would have this reaction every time I got into one of those big New York City yellow cabs that aren't out there anymore, the ones from the 50s, 60s, 70s, 80s, the ones with the giant deep green leather seats. I would, every time I got into one of those cabs, I instantly got, I don't know what it is, I got hard. And I never disclosed it to the cab driver, but I wasn't laying in the front seat with my head in the cab driver's lap, where then if I was aroused, he would visually be able to clock it. But if you are spread out in one of those chairs, the hairdresser, unlike the cab driver, I never disclosed to the cab, I never said to the cab driver, is it all right if I get in your cab? Because I'm going to get a boner. I never had to do that. I never had to get their consent. I just privately enjoyed my boners in the backseat, my inexplicable New York City yellow cab boners that I don't get anymore. It doesn't work in the stands.

Speaker 2:
[04:38] Yeah, so it didn't feel like there's any way to get that consent without asking someone who was not a sex worker to be a sex worker, which was not where I wanted to be.

Speaker 1:
[04:48] Yeah, it's not secret purving if you ask for their permission. And it's not secret purving if they can tell you're aroused, if they have a visual. So basically, you stopped getting these kinds of haircuts?

Speaker 2:
[04:58] Yeah, that was the main thing. It's the hair washing and shampooing part. Everything else, able to control myself.

Speaker 1:
[05:06] I could never tell you why I got boners in the backs of big yellow cabs. Maybe it's Joni Mitchell's fault, but why do you think this arouses you? What is it about it that was a turn on? Did you ever do some deep thinking about where this came from?

Speaker 2:
[05:21] Laying back, having warm water, washing down my hair and having someone running their hands through my hair is all extremely pleasant to me, and apparently in a sexual way. And so within that, my wife had known about this for years, and we'd had the idea of, oh, if we ever see a used haircut sink, we'll try to buy it, but that never actually came up. And then I started to have a wife and a girlfriend. And during conversations, this came up, I told a new girlfriend about it. And she surprised me by having, she bought this like inflatable neck pillow that was this design so you can give people haircuts in your sink at home. And so that plus just a pretty nice office chair and a lot of towels. And she made it happen for me. She-

Speaker 1:
[06:27] So set the scene. Was it a surprise you walk in and like she has a little hairdressing station set up for you?

Speaker 2:
[06:33] I think she had shown me that she had the inflatable neck pillow. And then I took a shower and she said, come out here, I've got this set up. I just need you to move this chair. So I moved the chair. She laid me back and she washed and shampooed my hair two times. I was able to just completely, fully embrace it, be completely aroused, visibly and audibly. And we didn't immediately move into anything else because I just wanted to sit in that experience. And it was, it was amazing. There are very few things that you can want for a decade or longer and have them actually meet what you have hoped they've been.

Speaker 1:
[07:19] How did you not spontaneously combust at that moment?

Speaker 2:
[07:23] I don't know.

Speaker 1:
[07:24] And I got to say, I feel let down by, you have a wife and a girlfriend and your wife was theoretically down but didn't make it happen. Your girlfriend made it happen. My boyfriend and husband both know about my deep-seated old New York City style yellow cab and neither of them have purchased that yellow cab for me. So you are loved in a way that I am not loved.

Speaker 2:
[07:43] An inflatable neck pillow is much more accessible than an entire yellow cab. True.

Speaker 1:
[07:49] I will concede that point.

Speaker 2:
[07:51] I know that you like to ask, will you do this again? Definitely. I have since been back to my girlfriend's house and all I had to do is wash her dishes to get this again, which is completely worth it.

Speaker 1:
[08:04] And when you did this, you just were able to get hard, moan, groan, sigh, really enjoy the sensuality of the experience. Have you had full release hair wash at the salon play yet? Are you able to jerk it now while she does this? Would you want to? Or is it just enjoy the sensation, have the boner, and then throw that dick at her later in some other way?

Speaker 2:
[08:27] Yeah, later, whether it's 30 seconds later or in the case of this first time, like half an hour later, it's weird. I didn't want to come to completion in the moment. I just wanted to enjoy the experience of it and then later bring that energy in.

Speaker 1:
[08:50] How lovely and how thoughtful of your girlfriend. Do you have any advice out there, especially for people who want to do? I think this is a really rare kink. You're one of those black swan kink events and I'm down. I'm here for it. I love it. But you disclosed this to your wife as a kink or as a quirk. How did you disclose it to the girlfriend? Do you have any shame attached to this? Did you have any hesitation to share it with your sex partners?

Speaker 2:
[09:19] I guess I somehow never connected it as being a kink in my own head. So it was talking about what turns you on, and for me, no shame in terms of what the desire was, just shame of going to get my haircut and trying to not embrace it, and then realizing that I needed to not do that part of the haircut.

Speaker 1:
[09:50] Because you're an ethical, conscientious dude, and you didn't want to make some poor hairdresser or hairdresser's assistant feel uncomfortable.

Speaker 2:
[09:57] Yes, and as an interesting note, cisgender, hetero, straight, but apparently I can be aroused by anyone washing my hair. This has happened even with male hairdressers, and that's one of the very few times that I've gotten that kind of response from anyone who wasn't very female presenting.

Speaker 1:
[10:19] I have debates with some of my kinky friends about, is the kink just the pure sensation of like say being flogged, or is it the meaning of being flogged, being that vulnerable, submitting to having to endure the punishment or the pain, and what that means, or is it just sensation? It sounds like in your case, I hesitate actually not out of a shame thing or like a kink shame thing to call it a kink, because it sounds so purely sensation driven. I've never said I had a kink for those big yellow caps. It was just this reaction I couldn't control that I didn't understand. And it was something about sitting on that big seat, something about leaning back in that cab, something about that position. Maybe I was like sitting on the nerve that runs down my back and up my dick in a certain way, but only in that cab did I ever sit on that certain way. And the rumble of the, I don't know what it was, but it was pure sensation and not meaning. And it sounds like for you, this is sensation, not meaning, which is why it worked even when men did it for you.

Speaker 2:
[11:18] I think it's mostly sensation, but there's definitely some meaning. I mean, when I was able to do it with my girlfriend the second time and she washed my hair and then made out with me and then washed my hair again. And like, that was great.

Speaker 1:
[11:33] And what was, I mean, obviously, making out with your girlfriend and getting indulged in your kink, obviously that's great. What was super great about it, that you were suddenly able to enjoy this sensation driven kink, but also and then in the context of the hairdresser wants to make out with you, you get to make out with the hairdresser.

Speaker 2:
[11:55] Yeah, it was the shared enthusiasm that I could be so completely indulged in my own thing. And that that was being mirrored back to me.

Speaker 1:
[12:08] GGG is a two way street. I hope that you've been as solicitous and indulgent of your girlfriend and your wife as they've been of you.

Speaker 2:
[12:15] Yeah, the half joke, half serious is that my girlfriend is doing her absolute best to corrupt me and it's working.

Speaker 1:
[12:24] All right, Mitchell, thank you so much for coming on After Action Report and sharing your really unique kink and really unique story. And boy, you won the girlfriend Olympics there and the wife Olympics too. And thank you for representing the male PUD community, the male former PUD community. So, Abelay.

Speaker 2:
[12:42] Well, thank you for listening to my story and yeah, absolute love to you, your listeners.

Speaker 1:
[12:49] Thank you so much, Mitchell. It was great talking with you. Thank you, Mitchell. And thank you to Mitchell for calling in to tell us about his new haircare routine. Really thank you to all involved. If you have a story to warm our hearts or that will send shivers down all of our spines, write about it. Send it to us at qatsavage.love, and you may be my next guest here on After Action Report.