transcript

Speaker 1:
[00:00] You know what gets in the way of great sex more than anything? Overthinking. It's that mental checklist, the distractions, the wait, what about the mess moment that pulls you right out of your body. And that's exactly why I love Common Confidential, because they've thought about the details so you don't have to. Their massage butter is so rich, so silky, and designed to keep you present in sensation. It melts into the skin in a way that just feels effortless, so touch because something you actually sink into, not rush through. Then there are the love towels. They're super soft, absorbent, and right there when you need them. No scrambling, no awkward pause, no break in the mood. Because when those little interruptions disappear, your body can finally relax. And when you're relaxed, you're more connected, more responsive, and way more open to pleasure. So whether this is about deepening intimacy with a partner or reconnecting with your own body, this is your reminder that the best experiences happen when you stay in the moment. Get 15% off your order with my code SEX WITH EMILY at checkout on commonconfidential.com. That's SEX WITH EMILY for 15% off at commonconfidential.com.

Speaker 2:
[01:05] No one goes to Hank's for his spreadsheets. They go for a darn good pizza. Lately though, the shop's been quiet. So Hank decides to bring back the $1 slice. He asks Copilot in Microsoft Excel to look at his sales and costs to help him see if he can afford it. Copilot shows Hank where the money's going and which little extras make the dollar slice work. Now Hank says, I'll line out the door. Hank makes the pizza, Copilot handles the spreadsheets. Learn more at m365copilot.com/work.

Speaker 1:
[01:35] Casual sex is not for everybody at all times in their life. At this point in my life, I wake up in the morning and I feel bad about it. Maybe casual sex isn't for you right now. If I'm a man and I have a penis and I want to guarantee they're going to be a wreck, I got to guarantee that I'm always hard because you guys have so much pressure as a man. If I had a pill that I could take to make sure that I was going to be aroused and have an orgasm every time, I probably would too. If we don't prioritize our sex life, here's the disconnect. Your sex life is a part of your relationship that needs some TLC.

Speaker 3:
[02:10] Hi, everyone.

Speaker 1:
[02:11] How are you doing? We are here. We are live. This was the plan. The plan was after 21 years of my 21st year of podcasting, I just wanted to come live with y'all and talk to you every week because this community is where the magic happens and this is where we're going to help each other have a judgment free space where we could have better sex, less shame, more fun, make sex fun. Remember when it was supposed to be fun and not like in our heads and we get all distracted with our thoughts and our worries and we don't have great sex? That's what this live show is about. Someone was asking about how do I get how do I have casual sex? Let me just say this. You don't have to want casual sex. It doesn't have to even be something that's in something that you desire. Casual sex is not for everybody at all times in their life. Casual sex can be something that we... Yeah, at different times in our life, we're like, I actually want casual sex. But we all define casual sex differently. Maybe, you know, casual sex is literally just that. I don't talk to this person outside of sex. I don't have any conversations with them. Maybe it's more like a friends with benefits. We do hang out. We're good friends and then we sleep together every once in a while. And for some of us, we're like, when I have casual sex, at this point in my life, I wake up in the morning and I feel bad about it. I have a shame over, as we call it. Or I feel, you know, like I... something's wrong with me. Or I get really attached. Or it really makes me think of my ex. So what that tells me is, you know what? Maybe casual sex isn't for you right now. Okay? So I don't... And also sometimes if you're just getting over an ex, or you're still attached to an ex, we tend to associate our sex life with our ex. Like, oh, my ex... Like, I... the last time I had sex was with my ex, and so it's hard to be with someone else because I'm still thinking about the way they touched me and the way I felt with them, and I'm still mourning that relationship. So you just might not be ready, girl. There's no pressure to have casual sex. There's actually no pressure to have any kind of sex. So, love that question. All right. We have another call coming in, and I will take it. Thanks for calling me at the number on the screen. You can also text me your questions there. Hi, you're on. What's going on? This is Emily.

Speaker 4:
[04:24] Oh, hi, Dr. Emily. This is Nate. I'm 43 years old, and I've been in a pretty serious relationship for about the past three years. And I've been using Viagra the whole time. I've been with her and she doesn't know that I've been on it. I don't necessarily need it. I do have a little bit of anxiety, and I don't want to use it all the time. But I have a fear of not getting it up or anything like that. I mean, it's happened before with her, and it's fine. Play it off, and it's not a really big deal. But yeah, I guess that's my question. Is a good way to approach her with, like tell her that I have to order it?

Speaker 1:
[05:06] Well, how long have you guys been together?

Speaker 4:
[05:08] Just to see what happens?

Speaker 1:
[05:09] Yeah, no. Okay, so first, so the question-

Speaker 4:
[05:11] Three years.

Speaker 1:
[05:12] Oh, three years. Okay. And have you been using it every time?

Speaker 4:
[05:15] Pretty much.

Speaker 1:
[05:16] Yeah.

Speaker 4:
[05:17] Just a variable dose.

Speaker 1:
[05:18] Yeah, no, no, dude. It's fine. It's really common. Yeah. Are you having some side effects with it, or maybe you'd like to not take it as much, or what are you feeling right now? What is coming up for you after three years?

Speaker 4:
[05:29] There's no side effects. I think it's a feeling of guilt. I'm attracted to her and everything, and maybe it's like a laziness.

Speaker 1:
[05:36] Yeah.

Speaker 4:
[05:36] It's just so easy.

Speaker 1:
[05:37] Poppinville is easy. No, I totally get it. I feel like so good. I know what you mean. It's almost like this third in our relationship that she doesn't know about. It's like the secret. If you're like a very, you're like, I think you should know, and not even have a judgment around it, but it's like it's information. So there's a few layers here. So yeah. Yeah, go ahead.

Speaker 4:
[05:58] I'm just like, she wouldn't find like a little pack of pills or something like that. She would probably, I don't know, it would be very uncomfortable.

Speaker 1:
[06:06] Okay. Well, this is so good. I love this question. So here's the thing. Tell me about the conversations you have had about your sex life so far. To get it for three years. Do you guys talk about?

Speaker 4:
[06:19] With her?

Speaker 1:
[06:19] Yeah.

Speaker 4:
[06:20] Oh, all the time. I'm a big follower of yours. And so once a month, I'll ask her how things are going. And we're pretty kinky and lots of fun things.

Speaker 1:
[06:29] That's fun. Okay. So you do talk about it.

Speaker 4:
[06:32] It's great. She's one of the rare ones that just falls off very fast just through penetration.

Speaker 1:
[06:38] Okay. That's great. We love this.

Speaker 4:
[06:42] The more that I'm a wreck, the more sex that I have.

Speaker 1:
[06:45] Got it. So it's almost become a habit. You're like, I definitely want. No, I get it. I get it. And the truth is, you might be able to have an erection. You probably can have an erection without one. But you're like, I don't want to do it. I know I can. Okay. Well, here's the thing. I would just talk to her about it. Listen, I would definitely because you want to, I think it's a right time to say, hey, I just want you to know that I often, that like, I love to start with, you know that our sex is so hot, some of the best sex I've ever had, what you love about it. And what I realize is like, I want us to always be really honest. I want to always be like very transparent and talk about our sex life. And like, yeah, I take Viagra. And I realize it's something that I haven't told you. Maybe I have a little bit of, I thought some shame around it, or I thought it might be a thing, but I just thought you should know. And I know that I can, just when you told me you get hard without it, and I want to be a great lover to you, but I feel like it's, I want to try to not to use it for a bit and see what happens, or tonight, and then, or, you know. Honestly, like, I just think the sooner you say it to her, she's going to be fine. I don't know her, but I would be like, oh, okay. Like.

Speaker 4:
[07:57] I think she'll be fine. I just needed another voice.

Speaker 1:
[08:00] I think she will be fine, but the other thing I was going to say is like, you could also not take it. And because I'm thinking about the reality of it is if you tell her and you're like, and tonight I'm not going to take it, you're going to have extra anxiety and pressure that you're both thinking about your erection. So I would just not take it and see what happens. And then you don't have to that night in the room say anything, because I would think like in the bedroom, being like, I want to come clean, you know, but just like, hey, so I've been experimenting lately. A lot of times I take Viagra and I'm going to like work on not taking it. And I did it because like I love our sex, and I think she'd understand that. That's what I would try. That's my advice for you.

Speaker 4:
[08:37] Okay.

Speaker 1:
[08:38] Okay.

Speaker 4:
[08:38] Okay.

Speaker 1:
[08:39] Well, let me know how it goes. But keep listening because I have something else to say about that that was going to actually be top of my list today. That a lot of times, I will. Okay, good. Thank you for calling. Let me know how it goes. I'm here every week. Okay. Thank you. So what I love about this question, okay, here's the thing, guys. A lot of us go, we're like, we have penises, which I don't. But if I'm a man and I have a penis, and I want to guarantee they're going to be erect, even if I had like a little half of erection sometime, I'm like, holy shit, I got to guarantee that I'm always hard, because you guys have so much pressure as a man to always be aroused and always be erect and turned on, which is a lot of pressure. And I feel for you. So if I had a pill that I could take to make sure that I was going to be aroused and have an orgasm every time, I probably would too. So let me just say that. But the other thing is Viagra or a blue pill or any of these pills is treating a deeper root issue, like the root cause of not being as hard as you like. And sometimes, a lot of times, that has to do with blood flow. So blood flow into your penis. So for some guys and women who need blood flow too, you just are not having the erections you want because of a lack of blood flow. Erections require blood flow. Pills, Viagra forces blood flow to the penis, but they don't solve the underlined thing. Like maybe you have a lot of stress around sex or anxiety, or you actually don't work out a lot, or you've like poor nutrition, or you might have a vascular issue. Did you know that issues in your penis and erection issues might signal cardiovascular issues or something, yeah, something with your heart or something with your mind? So often it's a symptom of something else. And so performance anxiety can reduce blood flow. The more pressure, the harder it gets. So erectile tissues often signal cardiovascular problems. It could, not always. And so blood flow also for women is required for lubrication, for the swelling, for the sensation. And what we don't realize, some women are in a very clenched state. So blood flow is key. So I did something recently that helps stimulate blood flow in your genitals. And it has been a complete game changer, really. It can help anybody. It's shockwave therapy. It sounds really intense because no one wants the word shock and genitals in the same sentence. And so I'm trying to rebrand it. But that's literally what it is. There is no pain. But basically it is treatment by a company called Gainswave. And it is stimulating blood flow and helping with erections and causing like a micro trauma, essentially, to the penis, to the vulva, and helps to, not in a painful way, but it's kind of like stimulating the cells that are necessary for blood flow. So it helps to rebuild. It helps to create more circulation. And I realize that some people don't know that. Like they don't realize it like actually it could be a blood flow thing. And so that's what I love about this treatment. Shockwave therapy treatment with Gainswave is very, very cool. So I was going to talk about that today. We have a call. Okay. Hello. Hi.

Speaker 5:
[11:53] Hi.

Speaker 1:
[11:54] You're on with Emily. What's going on?

Speaker 5:
[11:56] Hi. I am calling because I am in, I guess now it's long-term relationship. It's been more than one year with my father. I'm 34 and he's 38. And I've been noticing that like the frequency that we have sex is less and less. It feels weird because I feel like he doesn't initiate as much as before. I've had this conversation with him and he said that he'll have sex with me and like he's very happy. I have no suspicion of him actually cheating. But I just feel like it's more like a conformity type of situation where we used to have sex a little bit more frequently and now it's like probably once a week or so. Yeah. So I'm not even sure if this is normal or not.

Speaker 1:
[12:47] Yeah.

Speaker 5:
[12:48] Because this is like the longest I've been with someone.

Speaker 1:
[12:51] Okay. So tell me, you've been together, you said, for how long?

Speaker 5:
[12:54] Probably more than a year, a little bit more than a year. Yeah.

Speaker 1:
[12:57] Okay. Not even more than a year yet. And so what you're saying is early on, you were having sex a lot more frequently. And you've noticed recently that it's a little less. And since it's your first long-term relationship, you're like, wait a minute, does sex decrease? Is something wrong? We still really want each other, but we're attracted to each other, but it's happening less frequently. Okay, so yes, this is actually happens. I almost feel like we need to play some violins, like a small little violin for all the sex that stops having, that slows down after we're in a relationship. It's like, let's all take a moment of silence for our sex life that changes after we're out of the honeymoon phase. You know what I mean? So yes, it's so common that couples get together and they're like, oh my God, the first few months we were ripping each other's clothes off, we did not even like say hello to each other, we were naked. And then after time goes by, you know, the early part, the reason why we call it the honeymoon phase, like this particular time in a relationship, everything is new and it's exciting and it's novel. And we have this really delicious cocktail of hormones. It's like dopamine, serotonin, octitocin, and they make us feel so good and alive and we're connected. But then because I've never kissed this person, we've never had sex in this position, we're learning, it's new. And then after like six months to a year, a year and a half, we realize like, okay, it's a little less stimulating because I already know this person and I have gotten to a little bit of a routine. So you're actually where you need to be. So there's no need. So I know what happens, but I'm so glad you called because nothing to be alarmed about, nothing wrong with the relationship. But I invite you to have a conversation with your partner and be like, all right, we're in that place. Then you could say, talk to sex with Emily. She said it's really common and what couples can do at this point is start to have fun conversations about sex. Like, all right, what do we love about it? What can we do next? What should we try? When is sex the most interesting to us? What times of day? What are you into? What are our fantasies? You know, just like get to know each other and see where your pleasure comes from and how you can find ways to continue to connect and prioritize your sex life. Because in the one hand, a year together isn't that long, but it's long enough to start to notice a change in the frequency of sex and the spark around it.

Speaker 5:
[15:12] Yeah, and by the way, like we're both like very busy people. So sometimes it's just like, it's not that I don't want to have like this, just plain, I'm really tired. I work in like healthcare, so it's really hard, but I just keep wondering, like going into it, I know that I want to continue to be in a relationship with him, I was just wondering if this is normal. But he's really open, like to have conversations with me. So that's something that we can talk about.

Speaker 1:
[15:43] Okay, well, I would love if you talk to him and then you come back and talk to me and let me know how it goes, because what I try to help people do here during these lives is like, go have that next hard conversation and then come back, let me know how it goes and we can continue. But one more thing I want to say is, you work a really intense job, right? You're in healthcare, you're in service, it's okay to be exhausted, like this at night. And so maybe, I'm just guessing, just maybe you come home at night, you're like, I really, I'm too tired, I've been serving people all day in my job. There's something assumed that we should all be wanting to have sex at night. And if it doesn't happen at night or first thing in the morning, there's something wrong with us. But I invite you with your partner to be like, when is the time of day? Like, maybe you can go from work and have like sex, you know, in the middle of the day, or maybe it's the weekend days, or you know, or maybe it's just like when you first get home before you go out to dinner, you can be like, let's have sex first, because I might be wiped out after dinner. And I always want to permission people because they think, wait, it has to be more organic. It's always after dinner. Who says it's always after dinner? If you know you're really tired after dinner, have sex right when you get home, before you get way too, you know, so these are the fun conversations you can have. Not just about like, should we try more like, you know, sex positions, but like what times of day, what frequency, what works for us, and being honest about that you're tired at these times, and maybe you'll feel more awake at these different times. Okay?

Speaker 5:
[17:02] Yeah, that all makes a lot of sense.

Speaker 1:
[17:04] Amazing. You got this. Okay, good luck with your relationship. We're all here for you. Thank you for calling. Have a great night, everybody. Bye. Let's take a quick break from the episode to talk a little bit about one of the most common sexual concerns for men, and that's finishing too soon. First of all, if this has happened to you or your partner, you're not alone. It happens to people more often than you realize. And the real issue isn't timing, it's the pressure that comes with it. When you're worried about finishing too soon, it can pull you right out of the moment. That's why I like solutions that are simple and backed by science, like PROMESSENT delay spray. It's a doctor recommended spray designed to help men last longer in bed by giving you more control over climax. It's simple. You just apply it before sex and it absorbs quickly. And the coolest part is it has an anti-transfer technology, which means it won't transfer to your partner. This is such a great option to try out if you've ever worried about not being able to last long enough. Just imagine having less performance anxiety, more confidence, and more time to actually enjoy intimacy together. Because one of the most important aspects of having great sex is not rushing it. If you want to learn more about PROMESSENT delay spray, go to promessent.com/swe to get 15% off your first order. That's promesent.com/s-w-e, or click the link in the show notes.

Speaker 6:
[18:26] Wishing you could be there live for the big game, soaking up the atmosphere in a crowd. But too often, life gets busy or the price holds you back. Priceline is here to help you make it happen. With millions of deals on flights, hotels and rental cars, you can go see the game live. Don't just dream about the trip. Book it with Priceline. Download the Priceline app or visit priceline.com. Actual prices may vary, limited time offer.

Speaker 7:
[18:54] You set the table, put on a playlist, even made the lasagna from scratch, and now you're wearing it. OxiClean MaxForce spray tackles tough, set in stains the first time. Adulting is hard, fighting stains shouldn't be. OxiClean MaxForce, it's not clean unless it's oxiClean.

Speaker 1:
[19:10] All right, guys, it is normal. People are saying it's super normal. Yeah, the biggest violin for my situation. I was saying it was a small violin. I was mixing up my things. It's a big violin. To mourn our past sex is a big violin. Like, can we just take a moment for the hot honeymoon sex we all had at the beginning? Like, can we just take a moment of silence and be like, okay, we love that it honored it, but now we get to figure out what kind of sex we want in the future and what are the conditions of sexual intelligence. I have Sex IQ and a Sex IQ quiz on my website, sexwithemily.com, that talks all about sexual intelligence. All the things in your life that are contributing to you wanting to have sex, knowing when you want to have sex, what kind of sex you want to have. Someone else said, yeah, afternoon and weekends, I love that. So thank you for all of your comments here. We've got, someone else said, yeah, afternoon and weekends for sure. All right, everybody, thank you for all of this. So the other things I was talking, I think we covered the casual sex thing before the call came in, right? There's a lot of you saying that sex, you feel comfortable in the bedroom. Gene says, I used to have sex two to three times a week, now it's not as fun. Someone says the desire is there, thank you M. Huffy, but the body just doesn't cooperate it. So yeah, I get it, you guys. I get that it just fluctuates, but this is when, like listen, if you had a health challenge, let's say you wanted to become more physically fit and you used to be able to work out every day, or maybe, I'll give you an example. I was a marathon runner years ago. I used to run marathons all the time. Cardio is really important to me, heart rate up, all the things, but I'm not going to run marathons anymore. I don't have time, it's not great for my body. But I realized I stopped, but that gave me such benefits. I loved that kind of working out. But now I know there's so much information you can get about that. How can I get that need met? Well, you could also lift weights, you could do Pilates, you make sure you eat healthy. I want to get just as healthy as I was when I was running marathons, but I'm not going to do that thing anymore. You're not going to have sex six times a week anymore. So getting curious about, well, what do I need to do to still feel physically fit? Right? So I make sure that I'm walking enough, I'm doing weights, I'm doing different things that are still making me feel fit, but I'm not doing that same thing. So in a way, we gotta get curious about our sex lives, and this is the part where I really strongly encourage you all to read my recent article at sexwithemily.com about sexual intelligence or sex IQ, because it's not just one thing. It could be your health, maybe you're on a certain medication, maybe you have some mental health or some trauma or something that's keeping you from wanting to have as much sex. We got to troubleshoot it ourselves. Or maybe your self-knowledge about what is actually going to take you to be more in the mood or manage your stress is important to pay attention to. There's a lot of different ways to go about it, just like getting fit. I could do a lot of things to still feel like I'm in shape. The reason why I think this conversation is so important is because we often don't know what the hell to do. All of you, a lot of you are asking me, what do I do? I used to want sex and now I don't. What do I do? But if you're all asking me that, there's going to be a different path for you. There's going to be different ways that you're going to be able to want to have more sex. There's different things that are getting in the way, stress, anxiety, big jobs, kids, feeling distant from your partner, feeling stressed about your own job, your body. There's a lot of different reasons why we're not having as much sex. It got boring. It got predictable. But the ways that each one of you, the path that each one of you are going to take to want to connect your partner of desire looks a little bit different, but with the same components of health, knowing yourself, the food you're eating, exercise, all the things. Oh, I was talking about shockwave therapy. That's right. So I'm going back to shockwave therapy and your genitals really quickly because what I want to say is that shockwave therapy can be just like a very helpful way. I think I said it's to regenerate your cells, to help with pain all over your body and to help you with blood flow. So blood flow, vascular, taking a pill, you know, is maybe some of the reasons, the things that you're doing to help you get erections. But for some of us, again, I just think it's really interesting. And since arousal is a blood flow event, this could be very helpful. I could talk more about it. All right, we have another call coming in. This is Emily. Thanks for calling. How can I help you? Hello. All right.

Speaker 8:
[23:54] Oh, hi.

Speaker 1:
[23:55] How are you? Thanks for calling.

Speaker 8:
[23:56] I'm good. Thank you. Yeah. So I've been following your page and your channel for quite some time now. Are you able to hear me?

Speaker 1:
[24:04] Yes, I got you.

Speaker 8:
[24:06] Okay.

Speaker 1:
[24:06] Hello. What's your question? I could hear you, but now I lost you. Okay.

Speaker 8:
[24:10] My question, yeah, I'm so sorry. I think there's some time lag. There's some lag in the call. So, my question is like I'm 40 years old, and I've been married for the past 13 years. And like during the first few years of our marriage, we used to have like a lot of sex, like through the day irrespective of where we are and so on. It was like wild sex and like great chemistry and everything. And I still love my husband and very loyal to each other and everything. But from a couple of years, I started using like tools like vibrators. And I can literally orgasm like six to 10 times in a day, like whenever I have time, of course. So my hearing has taken over so much space in my head. Like I barely have sex because he's super busy with work and everything. So I always choose like whenever I have a few minutes to myself, like it's so quick and I can get like super intense orgasm. So but at the same time, I always have this conundrum in my head, like how do I fix my actual sexual relationship with my husband? Because I really want that passionate sex back on the table. Like, I mean, we have sex like maybe once a month or something when he's like back from a trip or like after a month or something. And it's really passionate, like crazy, very fun and everything. So, yeah, sometimes I wonder like, is something wrong with me, like the way I'm wired?

Speaker 1:
[25:47] Yeah, no, yeah. I'm so glad you asked this. I got to tell you, it's the most common question I get asked, is something wrong with me? Am I broken? Am I the problem? Like for 21 years. So no, I just want to be like, we're all not broken. We're not the problem at all. There is nothing wrong with you. First off, you called into my show and you're being very honest and vulnerable about like this, something that just happens because we have so much weirdness around sex that we often just think, oh my god, I must, something must be wrong with me. So first off, I love that you're still taking care of yourself and masturbating because it's such an important thing to keep that connection to ourselves and to give ourselves orgasms. They're actually good for us. They can help with depression. They can help with, you know, anxiety. They're just good for us. It's connected. So I'm wondering though, with your partner, I might have missed one of the things you said, but what do you think the main reason, what I'm trying to understand is why it's not as frequent is because you're both busy with work or he's busy in traveling?

Speaker 8:
[26:45] I'm not traveling as much, but he's busy and then like some financial hiccups in between. I always feel he's like preoccupied and even for me, like I've reached a state where I sometimes feel like, yeah, I just have my way so I don't want to bother him. But when I do initiate, it's mostly me initiating it.

Speaker 1:
[27:07] Okay. So you're initiating it.

Speaker 8:
[27:09] And I like random.

Speaker 1:
[27:11] Yeah. Okay. And he's okay with you initiating. Have you guys ever talked about this? Have you ever had a conversation when you're out together and just be like, yeah?

Speaker 8:
[27:20] Yeah. The once in the Blue Moon sex when we have, they will be like, why are we not doing it every day, day in and day out? And he will be like, yes, babe, yeah, I think we should do it. We should consciously do it. But then again, it's just like we get on with life and then a month goes by. Yeah.

Speaker 1:
[27:37] Well, it sounds like it's like everything in our life that we think is important to us that we want to prioritize. You guys can make like a, have a thing where you're like, we both want this. We want to feel connected. What's the one thing we could do right now in our relationship to make an agreement to each other that we're going to make sex fun and we're going to do it once, you know, once a week. And if we don't get to that point or that, like that time, then we're going to make sure like that we will do it the day after or the next day. So it could be like date night, Saturday night, we're going to look forward to it, we're going to talk about it, you know, we're going to like plan something fun, we're going to rent a room for a night or try something new that's different and make it something that you are co-creating together, but try to do it without the pressure of it all. So just thinking that like, it sounds like you're the one who's initiating more now, and I can't tell if that's, you mind that or not?

Speaker 8:
[28:31] Yeah, that's right, I'm the one that would initiate less when it happens. I also feel like, I think because of the pressures and everything, I mean, we had some loss of family members and everything, and the family, immediate family. I think everything's taken a toll, but I feel like he pleasures me. When we do have sex, he makes sure that I do get my orgasm. He's very considerate and everything. So he's amazing. But sometimes I feel like, again, I don't know. I'm always torn between, should I just continue living this way? I'm okay, I pleasure myself and everything, but at the same time, to the outside world, we look like this super ideal couple. Decent looking, they have everything figured, but inside, I feel like there's something amiss, because I really am a very sexual person. I want that, you know...

Speaker 1:
[29:26] Yeah, I think you know the answer. Yeah, I think you...

Speaker 8:
[29:29] Sorry.

Speaker 1:
[29:29] Yeah, keep going. I think you do know the answer to it. You don't want to let it go. You have your vibrator, you can have an orgasm, but you don't want to let it go. You want this to be something that you work on. And the longer that we go without work, couples can always work on their sex life. But it sounds like you're at this point where, it's a lot easier to not make it another thing in our to-do list, but yet you know how important it is. Because we're not even just talking about sex. I think we're talking about intimacy, and we're talking about connection. And maybe you feel like we don't have those moments together unless it's sex. Maybe you feel a little bit less connected and the intimacy is important. And so maybe it looks different now. It's like you're giving each other massages, or you're just finding times to feel more connected. You know, like a date night that is non-negotiable happening once a week. It doesn't have to mean sex. It could be like, I'm just wondering that there's ways that you want to feel more connected that isn't just sex, but maybe you're missing that intimacy. Yeah. Yeah. Anyway.

Speaker 8:
[30:31] Is it totally normal for a woman my age to be self-pleasuring to this extent that I just spoke of?

Speaker 1:
[30:39] Yeah, it's really common for women of all ages. I wish it was more common, to be honest, that women were taking care of themselves and masturbating. I don't often have to like remind men to masturbate. I'm like, dude, you're at Walgreens. Like put that thing away. Don't masturbate right now. But with women, they're like, can I, should I? Because women's desire is much more like responsive or we have a lot of stress in our life. We just don't think to masturbate. So I actually love that what we call it is you're keeping your pilot light lit. You are stoking your own arousal and desire. So I love this for you. I just think bring your partner into it. And Brains, come up with some fun ways you guys can continue to play together. Because it sounds like it's really hot. You just might need a little bit more of getting creative around what that looks like. Okay. So thank you. There's nothing wrong with you. I appreciate your call. Have a great night. Thank you. Bye. I mean, listen, people are saying on the comments, I see you all will just like schedule it. And then people are like, it was scheduling sex is so boring. Let me just tell you the thing about scheduling sex. Is that for many couples, they're like, it's not happening. We say it's going to happen Monday and then Tuesday and then Wednesday. And then Saturday, we were tired. And then now a month went by and we didn't do it. So we expect sex to be spontaneous like it was at the very beginning. But we've already covered the fact that that doesn't work for a lot of us after we get through this particular phase. So to say, I'm scheduling it, it's Thursday nights, we know it's happening. We don't have to deal with like, is it going to happen Monday? Is it going to happen Tuesday? We know Thursday. So then we're working towards that. And we both have a common goal of this night. And we get to think about what's going to happen that night. What should we do? Should we get a new bottle of lube? Should we try a toy? Should we have sex in the living room instead of the bedroom? You get to get creative. Like you were planning a date night or you were planning a trip, but it's your sex life. So listen, not one answer is for everybody. I'm just giving you all the tools and the information so you can take what you like and leave the rest. Oh, going back to shockwave therapy, someone said, it helps break up blockages in your arteries and veins. And exactly, I use it on my shoulder. I use it on my back. So that's what I like about shockwave therapy. It's actually breaking up blockages. And that is what could be preventing erections for people and arousal in women. So anyway, we'll close that loop. Someone said, do I still provide one-on-one therapy sessions? I am doing one-on-one VIP coaching right now. I'm just accepting a few. I only have time to work with a few people, but if you're interested, you can email me. I don't remember the email address at the moment. It might be feedback at sexwithemily.com. Try that if you guys want to coach with me. So let's do that. Oh my God, I love this. Maple Grow Real Estate on TikTok said, we had no excuse Saturday for 25 years until we became empty nesters. For 25 years, they had a non-negotiable date night. I don't care what happens, what kind of school function comes up for the kids, whose friend's birthday it is. I don't care if something's happened. We are prioritizing our relationship and our date night. Sex may or may not happen, but are together in this time where maybe we don't bring our phones, maybe we agree not to talk about work or the kids, and it's just about us. And I got to tell you this, that there's actually been studies, I believe it was the Gottman Institute. John and Julie Gottman did a study years ago about couples who prioritize and stick to date night, tend to have more satisfying sex and more longevity in their sex life. So it makes sense, doesn't it? Like you prioritize your workouts three times a week, or your book club, or your family, or whatever else you prioritize. If we don't prioritize our sex life, here's the disconnect, that we think sex isn't something you have to prioritize, sex is something that magically happens. Because it used to happen at the beginning, right? We covered this. At the beginning, we didn't have to prioritize, it just happened naturally from our bodies and the hormones, and we were so attracted to each other. But that doesn't happen forever. That just happens for a small amount of time. So it's a requirement for us to say, okay, so now it's something we have to prioritize. We have to actually work, and I hate using the word work and sex in the same category, but yeah, like anything in our life that is worth having and that we value as a skill or a value in our life, like being a great parent or a great boss or a great employee or a great sister or brother, we prioritize those relationships, right? We prioritize those people in our life. Your sex life is a part of your relationship that needs some TLC. So that's what we got. Oh wait, I just moved the screen over. Did you see that I did that? I mean, you guys, I have all of your comments here, which I'm obsessed with. Isn't this fun? Are you guys having fun with this? I love that you're here on all the platforms and you guys can call me or DM me here, which is zero problem to do that. A lot of you are asking me about HRT, hormone replacement therapy, and estrogen and testosterone. I feel great about it. You know why? Because for so many years, we had such misinformation about it, especially for women. There was like a bunk study that came out in the 2000s, early 2000 that told women that hormone replacement therapy was harmful for them. And then all this generation of women stopped taking hormones when it's actually so many women benefit from hormone replacement therapy after childbirth, perimenopause, menopause. And so just in the last few years, we're all getting a lot more information about it. Like, yes, we do benefit from it. Even if we might have a history of cancer in our family or be at risk for cancer or something, we can benefit. Same with men. So again, finding the right doctor, finding the right people who are hormone experts to work with you. And what I'm finding now for women in hormone replacement therapy is that they're treating symptoms. For like, you've hot flashes, you've night sweats, you've a dry vagina. For men, they're like, not as many erections, not as much desire. Okay, we'll treat it. So, you know, find the right person. I'm a fan. I'm not going to tell you I want to take it. So, I do read the messages sent to the number, but yes. So, thank you for texting and sending. And if I don't get to your question today, I might get to it next time. So, you are awesome. This is what I got. Other people were saying, bring the toys in with him. I, my other, the woman who just called about using her toy. I agree. Bring the toy into the bedroom. Maybe you already do that. But if you're someone who's watching this going like, oh, my toy has to be separate from my partner, toys feel great on all body parts. Penises love toys, vulvas love toys. It's like having a third in the bedroom, but you don't have to like, sound awkward, meaning you don't have to like get their phone number and have them sleep over. It's just an added thing. So yes, I'm all about toys in the bedroom if you both like them. Okay. John said scheduling on Instagram said, scheduling sex with an itinerary of what you're going to do is hot and amazing. I'm totally with you. All right. So this is what we got here. Someone said, talk more about masturbating. Leadership on Instagram said, talk more about masturbating. I've been doing it now more than ever. Please give me some tips on how to spice up my me time. My spank pink gets tired. I love this. Okay. I will talk more about masturbating all day, every day. Solo sex, as I like to call it. So it's really important for us to masturbate when we're in a relationship or out of a relationship. It is the primary relationship we have. It is the relationship with ourselves and our bodies. And again, even if you're not in a relationship, it's so important to keep your sexual energy flowing. You can do it with toys or no toys, but my recommendation to you is to, if your spank pink is getting tired, try this. Try mindful masturbation. I have an article about it on my website, sexwithemily.com. I've also done podcasts about it. Mindful masturbation is when we masturbate with intention and with focus on our bodies. And the goal of mindful masturbation is curiosity and compassion for ourselves and not necessarily orgasm. So this way, you're getting curious about what feels good in my body? What nerve endings can I stimulate? What haven't I done before? And while you're used to being in your head, maybe, this way you're going into your body and you're exploring. Because we all have so many ways we can have orgasms because our bodies are covered in all these nerve endings that can feel wonderful when stimulated. And so that's my tip for you at this moment. All right, guys, I appreciate you all. You are amazing. Thank you all for being here. Thank you for your roses, for your love, for joining me. If you'd like to please subscribe to my podcast, Sex With Emily, you can check it out wherever you listen to podcasts. This show tonight is going to become a podcast in a few weeks, where you can watch it. You can always send me your questions everywhere on all platforms. You can DM me, feedback at sexwithemily.com or just text us phone number, 559TALKSEX. You can join my membership. It's called SMART SX. It's a monthly coaching where we get together. We talk about our sex lives. I bring in other experts. You can do 101 coaching. Oh, come back for some hot Valentine's Day stuff. I'm going to be out of town next week. I'm sorry, but I will be here the week after. But in the meantime, if you want to catch up on some of these lives, you can find them in the podcast. Okay, everyone, have a wonderful night. Thank you for joining me. I appreciate you all so much. Tell a friend, share this with a friend. I'm sending you so much love and so much pleasure. Have a great night.

Speaker 3:
[40:42] Stitch Fix. Shopping is hard. Let's talk about it.

Speaker 6:
[40:45] I don't have time to shop, so I buy all my clothes where I buy my seafood.

Speaker 4:
[40:48] I just want someone to tell me what shirt goes with what pants. I just want jeans that fit.

Speaker 3:
[40:53] Stitch Fix makes shopping easy. Just show your size, style, and budget, and your stylist sends personalized looks right to your door. No subscription required, plus free shipping and returns.

Speaker 2:
[41:03] Man, that was easy.

Speaker 3:
[41:05] That looked good. Stitch Fix, online personal styling for everyone. Take your style quiz today at stitchfix.com.