transcript
Speaker 1:
[00:02] Brought to you by the EveryDollar app. Start budgeting for free today.
Speaker 2:
[00:06] So I've been with my partner for eight years. We have two children, ages three and six. And he's expressed that he doesn't want to get married. It's just a piece of paper to him. And so it's been hard for me because I do want to get married. Now financially, he takes care of me and the children. I have $25,000 in savings, but he has a lot more. He's going to inherit assets to buildings, I believe. And he has money from before. Now we currently live in his home, his parents' home, which he owns with his brother because his parents are deceased. So we don't pay mortgage. He covers all the household expenses because I'm a stay at home mom. And that's to about $4,000 a month. And we, I do households here and there, so I maybe bring $500 monthly.
Speaker 1:
[01:06] How can we help you?
Speaker 2:
[01:08] So the, Mike, I have two questions. Should I disregard this and not care about marriage? And should I invest those $25,000? I'm just afraid of, if something were to happen, how do I care for my children since we're not married and I'm not entitled to anything, it's my fear.
Speaker 1:
[01:35] Yeah, if he up and dies or up and leaves, you're screwed.
Speaker 2:
[01:41] And so I, that's why I'm afraid to invest in you.
Speaker 1:
[01:43] You're like a homeless single mom. No, that's not funny at all. That's terrifying.
Speaker 2:
[01:50] Yeah. He doesn't understand this. He thinks it's...
Speaker 1:
[01:53] I don't care if he understands it. That's the reality. I'm scared to death for you.
Speaker 2:
[02:01] Yeah.
Speaker 1:
[02:06] You're very vulnerable.
Speaker 2:
[02:08] I definitely am. I feel it.
Speaker 1:
[02:11] Yeah.
Speaker 2:
[02:12] Stressed out all the time.
Speaker 1:
[02:13] Yeah. It's an undercurrent in your house that you're not valuable enough to marry, but you're valuable enough to have kids with.
Speaker 2:
[02:21] Right.
Speaker 1:
[02:26] I'm sorry.
Speaker 2:
[02:29] Thank you.
Speaker 1:
[02:31] I don't think you're going to do anything about it, though, are you? I mean, you're eight years into this system.
Speaker 2:
[02:38] Yeah. I just, I don't, I can't afford to move out and be a single mom. I'm hopefully starting a new job soon, but.
Speaker 3:
[02:49] How much is that going to pay?
Speaker 2:
[02:52] Next to nothing because I can't.
Speaker 3:
[02:55] Okay.
Speaker 2:
[02:55] It's going to probably have to be part time.
Speaker 3:
[02:57] So let's address your fear, okay? The fear is legit in the sense that you have no plan right now, but the fear goes away when you have a plan. So you have got to start digging into what would have to be true for me to work a full-time job that would take care of me and the babies, right? What would have to be true? I'd have to have affordable child care and we got to dig into that. If I can't afford daycare, what does that look like? I will tell you that there are solutions to this.
Speaker 4:
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Speaker 3:
[03:54] There are solutions to this. But until you begin to dig and go get answers to the fear question, can I survive without him right now? You're telling us no. That's not true. But you're going to have to go dig and figure this out and you can do it. And I got to tell you, if it were me, that answer that he gave, that it's only a piece of paper, would be everything I need to know about being committed to this guy long term. And I think you're going to regret this and this is going to eat away at you. When you're an old lady, I think you're going to regret if you don't make a change at this very pivotal moment. I think you got to say to this guy, I disagree, but do you want to be with me? Because if you do, it's marriage. And if it's not marriage, now we need to begin to decouple. And this is what it's going to mean. But I think you've got to before you get to that point, you got to go, what does it look like for me to be able to take care of myself and those kids? And that $25,000 cash becomes an emergency fund if you have no debt. Do you have any debt?
Speaker 2:
[04:57] I don't.
Speaker 1:
[04:58] How old are your kids?
Speaker 2:
[05:00] Three and six.
Speaker 1:
[05:01] Little boy, little girl?
Speaker 2:
[05:03] Yes. Both.
Speaker 1:
[05:05] Would you want this for your daughter?
Speaker 2:
[05:08] I don't, no.
Speaker 1:
[05:09] Then fix it.
Speaker 2:
[05:13] Easier said than done.
Speaker 1:
[05:15] Then fix it. Because you're modeling for her that this is the way life is supposed to be, and it's not.
Speaker 2:
[05:23] Yeah.
Speaker 1:
[05:23] It's not. You're being held hostage, and financially. And you feel it, you feel vulnerable, you feel disrespected, and that's in the air of your house, and it's translating into your daughter's body. And she thinks this is how men are supposed to treat women, and it's not. Fix it. You've got to stand up and fix it. And amazingly, Junior May decide he wants to paint or get off the ladder. I don't know. But I'm not sure he's worth it. But Mr. I've got I inherited my mommy's house with my brother. Oh, whoa, aren't you a dead gum producer? You're killing me here. And so, yeah, I'm not impressed. So this is two in a row, they got last guy with the house fire. Same thing, four year old kid and his girlfriend who's hysterical, living together. So here's the here's the data, folks. If you are 35 to 54 years old, this is actual data we just got a hold of the other day. The average married couple has a net worth of 329,000. 50%, over 50% of the couples in America living together are not married in America right now. We have more unmarried people shacking up than married people shacking up right now. But the data says it's not working financially. And the data says it's not working relationally. So here's the thing. Married couples on average 329,000 between 35 and 54 years old. Unmarried male, not 300,000, 87,000. So one fourth of the net worth if you're an unmarried male. So if he wants to know why he should get married, that's the reason. Unmarried female, one tenth, 35,000. One tenth, ten percent of the net worth. And that's where she's sitting right now. She's sitting with ten percent of his net worth, or ten percent of an unmarried guy's net worth, but ten percent of what she would have had had she been married for these eight years on average. That's the averages. The average married couple 65 and above, 608,000. Unmarried male, 218,000. One third. Unmarried female, 174,000.