transcript
Speaker 1:
[00:00] Hacks is back for its fifth and final season, and so is the Hacks Podcast. Join the Hacks creators and showrunners, Lucia and Yellow, Paul W. Downs, and Jen Statsky as they unpack the Emmy-winning comedy series. On each episode, hear stories from the set, what goes on in the writers' room, and how these beloved characters close out their final season.
Speaker 2:
[00:21] Watch Hacks streaming exclusively on HBO Max, and listen to the Hacks Podcast on HBO Max, or wherever you get your podcasts.
Speaker 3:
[00:52] Welcome back to another episode of We're Here to Help with the wonderful Eric Edelstein and me, little Stevie Berg. Eric, how are you doing today, my friend?
Speaker 4:
[01:00] I'm so good, buddy. I'm so happy to be in here with you.
Speaker 3:
[01:03] Yeah, look at us. A couple of musicians just making jazz figured out as we go. There's no plan, there's no sheet music. We're just feeling the space and complementing each other with a little saxophone here, an upright bass move.
Speaker 4:
[01:16] You're Thelonious Punk, dude. It's so cool.
Speaker 3:
[01:18] Thelonious Punk. I like that.
Speaker 4:
[01:20] Steve, I'll say this. These are some of the best calls we've ever had.
Speaker 3:
[01:23] We had, yeah, the calls you're buried to hear are so good. I'm just wowed. They're truly some of the best ones I think we've ever had to be honest.
Speaker 4:
[01:34] It's a lot of ways they helped us.
Speaker 3:
[01:36] They, well, they always do, Eric. We are, we are, we're work some progress. Absolutely. Eric, I don't know if I mentioned, I wanted to save it for the show, but I had an interesting week. Give me a little bit. So this time of year in the Midwest, in the heartland of America, it is morel mushroom season. Eric, have you ever had a morel mushroom? I love them.
Speaker 4:
[01:59] I do a dry fry.
Speaker 3:
[02:00] There's nothing better.
Speaker 4:
[02:01] You throw them in the pan, let the water come out, then you add the oil, then you add the balsamic, and a little wine, Steve.
Speaker 3:
[02:08] Oh, yeah.
Speaker 4:
[02:08] Hope you're wearing cheap socks because they're going to get knocked right off.
Speaker 3:
[02:12] Well, so the morels are the one mushroom, I think, and truffles that you cannot grow. You have to pick them naturally. And so there's about anywhere from a seven to 10-day window where they pop up. So every year since I moved back to Nebraska, I go out with a couple of buddies and we go morel hunting. And it is so fun. You're on all fours. You're having to do a lot of work here, but you're finding these. And I got a grip of morels, already processed brine, put in the freezer for later use. This weekend, I'm going to do a nice risotto with them, a risotto with morel mushroom flavoring. You just can't beat it. However, Eric.
Speaker 4:
[02:53] Buddy.
Speaker 3:
[02:54] When you're on all fours in your middle of the forest in Eastern Nebraska, you're going to pick up some ticks.
Speaker 4:
[03:00] No, don't do this.
Speaker 3:
[03:02] I'm prepared. As a fly fisherman, I've had kicks on me plenty of times. The whole protocol is you come home, you get your clothes right into the washing machine. You take your shoes, you leave them outside, which I forgot to do. My wife wasn't too happy about it. But I did a very thorough tick check all over the old body, and everything looks fine. I found one of my shoulder, got that thing off, flushed down the toilet.
Speaker 4:
[03:26] On your skin, sucking your blood?
Speaker 3:
[03:28] It was there. Well, when I took my shirt off, I saw it crawling from my back to the shoulder in the mirror. And so I got rid of it. Anyways, 24 hours goes by. I wake up in the middle of the night to... When you get older, you have to pee in the middle of the night. Plus, I do a lot of hydration. And I go to take a pee, I take a number one. And I find, I don't know how to say it, it's jelly. I'm just going to come out with saying it, a tick on my junk.
Speaker 4:
[03:58] No, no, no, no, no.
Speaker 3:
[04:00] I had a tick. I'm not going to like get more specific than that. There was a, you have to, there was a tick on my privacy, on my, on my bathroom parts.
Speaker 4:
[04:12] And I'm like on the twig or the berries, the twig, dude, it was like, were you doing on all fours out there that there's a tick on your dick?
Speaker 3:
[04:22] Well, they, they, they, they crawl up and they get, and they, they'll hide in different places and crevices, and then they'll move around on your body.
Speaker 4:
[04:29] You probably see it in the calendar, it was very excited, you ooze sexuality. It's like, I'm going to go out the best the tick can go out on Steve Byrd's balance.
Speaker 3:
[04:39] I shrieked, brother.
Speaker 4:
[04:40] Oh my God. I would scream. What did you do when you found it?
Speaker 3:
[04:44] Well, okay. I flipped out. I actually did. I like went into a fucking complete panic. I was like, well, they're going to have to cut my dick off, you know? Like I really like, you know, I had, well, come on. I had been asleep too. So this is like, you know, I would, it was like 3.30 in the morning, the witching hour. I find this tick on there and it is burrowed and not all the way. So I'm like fucking panicking at first. I'm like, do I get a lighter? And then I'm like, dude, I'm not putting fire next to, you know, my, my baby maker. And, uh, you know, I didn't know what to do. So I just kind of like dug my fingernails in there, grabbed that motherfucker, got it out, hurt like unholy hell. And I flushed that goddamn thing down toilet, put a bandaid on, and then sat in bed all night wondering if I have Lyme's disease. That's, uh, that was my week. How's your week going?
Speaker 4:
[05:43] I'm speechless. Because don't you have to like screw them out counterclockwise or get fire? I think, yeah, because otherwise they can stay in there and keep sucking if you don't take them out properly. That's what terrifies me.
Speaker 3:
[05:57] There is definitely like a protocol. However, it's three 30 morning and all I knew is like this thing's got to come out right fucking now. I wasn't going to go on like Web MD and look up like a lighter and later on fire. You would put flame right to your like situation.
Speaker 4:
[06:15] I have not said this. I'm always reticent to say things I'm afraid of. I'm terrified of ticks.
Speaker 3:
[06:22] We do. We love them.
Speaker 4:
[06:24] We went to the Hudson Valley this summer. Our friend Taylor was there and I would not hike because I'm so afraid of ticks.
Speaker 3:
[06:33] You can't let something keep you out of nature, man.
Speaker 4:
[06:36] Ticks will. I'm sorry. I'll walk on the street. I'll get an exercise bike. I'm so freaked out by these things. I'm so freaked out by Lyme disease and this new thing. I'll laugh. I'll laugh. I'll feel horrible. But what if you have that tick bite that makes you not like meat anymore, makes you allergic to that?
Speaker 3:
[06:55] Allergic to red meat?
Speaker 4:
[06:56] I mean, yeah, that's a thing.
Speaker 3:
[06:58] No, I know.
Speaker 4:
[07:00] So all these guys are getting, and then they have to turn into vegans, which is kind of, it's hilarious. Sorry. It's sort of hilarious. So someone went in and having to like, Oh, I'll get the seitan, the cashew cheese. Cause they can't do meat.
Speaker 3:
[07:12] You know, two weeks ago, it's funny. I saw that like, this is absolutely not true. That there was like some paranoid people saying like ticks were the CIA like development thing that they were going to release on Russia during the cold war. Like they, they said they developed Lyme CIA developed Lyme disease, Lyme disease, which I dip my toe in that water.
Speaker 4:
[07:32] I've read it. I mean, they didn't have ticks like this 40, 50 years ago. They didn't have Lyme disease 40 years ago.
Speaker 3:
[07:40] I think it's more climate change.
Speaker 4:
[07:41] Poor Christopher Maloney from Law and Order. I watch that commercial of Lyme disease. It's real and it's not fun. I get so scared every time Christopher Maloney comes on my TV talking about Lyme disease. I don't want it.
Speaker 3:
[07:52] Well, see, basically, I had the Damocles around my neck right now. I have an albatross around my neck because I'm just sitting here waiting to see if this little tick bite turns into the bullseye, which means you have Lyme disease.
Speaker 4:
[08:03] So you're just looking at your dick all the time.
Speaker 3:
[08:05] I'm just looking at my dick. I'm looking at my dick right fucking now. I'm just kidding.
Speaker 4:
[08:09] I'm able to get through four callers today. I want you to be honest because I can't see the waist down. Did you look at your dick today while we were podcasting?
Speaker 3:
[08:16] No, I didn't. I didn't.
Speaker 4:
[08:17] That's the difference between you and me. I'd be so terrified.
Speaker 3:
[08:19] I'd be worried it was a bullseye.
Speaker 4:
[08:22] Did you wake up your wife when you found the tick?
Speaker 3:
[08:25] She could hear me flustered in the bathroom. She's like, are you okay?
Speaker 4:
[08:30] What kind of sounds were you making? Give it to us, please.
Speaker 5:
[08:32] I was like, oh no.
Speaker 3:
[08:33] Oh God. Oh no. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh. Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, shit. Oh shit. Oh God.
Speaker 4:
[08:41] That needs to be someone's ringtone right there. Grab that out, put it in your ringtone. We're going to make lemons out of lemonade.
Speaker 3:
[08:46] I literally laid in bed and I'm like, are they going to have to cast? Am I going to have to go to the hospital and get castrated the next day? Like first off, I looked up, like it doesn't matter where it is. Like thank God. So they're not going to have to take my dick off, which I was worried about that. I'm not going to lie. But I am now on the watch. I'm on the clock to see if I have Lyme disease. So this is a kind of a to be continued.
Speaker 4:
[09:07] Now I'm so worried about this. And not to be too in the weeds, but was it at least on the foreskin? Not the business end?
Speaker 3:
[09:16] Not the business. It was not on the business end of the situation. I feel so bad that now everyone's having to have this horrible picture in their head of a-
Speaker 4:
[09:28] Oh, they've already been visualizing your dick since the calendar came out, buddy.
Speaker 3:
[09:32] But this is like, I'm truly like, shit, I don't want to have Lyme disease, man. That's really bad.
Speaker 4:
[09:38] Well, we just met a witch that can heal people with dietary stuff and migraines. I'm sure if heaven forbid, I don't think you have it. I think the bulls eye would have already showed up. But if you do, we now have a witch that is a healer that can help you.
Speaker 3:
[09:54] Hi, I'm Steve Berg. You were just on the show, Were Here to Help. I know this is weird that I'm reaching out to you, but I know you do some witchcraft. I was wondering, I have a tic on my dick. Is there something you could do to help? Later, pervert. Like, I'm joking.
Speaker 4:
[10:09] Yeah, so were you able to go back to sleep? And then what happened when you woke up?
Speaker 3:
[10:13] Not really. It was fitful sleep, man. I'm still catching up. It was like, I woke up and immediately was reading online about it. I did not sleep well because in my head, and I was in that kind of hypnagogic waking weird thing. I was just like, I'm gonna, they're gonna have to do some shit to my junk, and I don't like that. I'd rather just have Lyme disease as opposed to them having like do some weird procedure on my junk. You know what I'm saying?
Speaker 4:
[10:39] So you just ripped the off.
Speaker 3:
[10:44] I ripped it off.
Speaker 4:
[10:44] Burrowed in?
Speaker 3:
[10:46] It was in, so it was like, not all the way burrowed in where it was buried in there, but it was in there. It was not easy to get off by the way. It really wasn't. It hurt like fucking hell. There's a lot of nerve endings down there. I'm sorry that this is the most graphic intro we'll probably ever do.
Speaker 4:
[11:05] Look, this is life. This is life. You broke it. You bought it with us. And we needed to know this.
Speaker 3:
[11:10] Here's the upside. I got a grip of golden top morels that are so beautiful. I will post the pictures on the Patreon because I'm so proud of them. But man, overall, food is always going to win out and it was worth it, even if I get Lyme disease because, man, morels are hard to find and they're so delicious. And let me tell you, if you've never had morels in a risotto, folks, find some morels or go out hunting yourself because you'll never... Maybe don't. Well, yeah. I mean, you might get... You also might get a ticket to privacy.
Speaker 4:
[11:39] Because I know you. You're insane. I know you're going to go out morel hunting again next year, aren't you?
Speaker 3:
[11:44] I'm going this Sunday.
Speaker 4:
[11:46] You're insane. If you don't wrap your dick like the mummy, I don't know what to do with you. Like, just wrap your whole body in the mummy, wrapped in plastic, like, buddy, I love you so much for going back out there. I'm such a frady cat. I wouldn't do it again. I'm such of you, but please wrap yourself up so well.
Speaker 3:
[12:07] I'll be better. I'll actually use the tick spray. That's toxic. The DEET, whatever like that, like makes, gives you like, you know, bad diseases later in life. But like, yeah, I think in this case, I'm going to have to put the weird chemicals all over my pants and stuff because I don't, I don't want to go through that again. Cause the tick in the dick. Folks don't recommend, don't try it. Like a lot of things you want to experience in life. This is not one of them. It was sheer panic. I thought I was going to have to castor it myself. Yeah. It was not a great situation, but you know, overall I got a freezer full of morels. I'm very excited about it. Eric, should we get into these colors so we can stop talking about my junk for a second?
Speaker 4:
[12:46] I don't think we have a choice.
Speaker 3:
[12:52] Folks, without further ado, we give you this episode of Weird Here. I think you're going to sing with me. Let's do that again. Let's do it again. Eric looks exhausted right now. I think this story... I'm worried. I'm worried. You look like a worried mother right now. I'm going to get a lecture off the air. I can already feel it. I'm in trouble. I'm in trouble. But folks, enjoy this episode. We had a blast doing it. And have a great rest of your day. Without further ado, Weird Here to Help.
Speaker 4:
[13:21] Weird Here to Help.
Speaker 3:
[13:27] Every once in a while in someone's life, there comes a time where you actually need help. And when you need help, there's only one place to go. And that is Weird Here to Help with Eric Edelstein and little Stevie Berg. Caller, how are you doing? Welcome to Weird Here to Help with my buddy Eric. Eric and I, myself, I'm here too, obviously. I didn't really need to point that out.
Speaker 6:
[13:49] I'm an asshole.
Speaker 3:
[13:51] Sorry.
Speaker 4:
[13:51] Best intro ever. Best intro ever.
Speaker 3:
[13:55] Not very eloquent. I blame my speech impediment. Try having a lisp in doing introing a show. Not easy, folks. Caller, my friend, what is your name? Where are you calling from? And if you had to tell us what your favorite movie slash TV show is, book, and album are, just so we get a sense of who you are, we'd love to hear it.
Speaker 7:
[14:17] Hi, I'm Emmy. I can't believe I'm here. I'm so excited.
Speaker 3:
[14:20] I'm very happy to have you. I love your name too.
Speaker 4:
[14:22] Never known a bad Emmy.
Speaker 3:
[14:25] No, it's just a fun name.
Speaker 4:
[14:26] I've never known a bad Jack. Thank you. Never known a bad Emmy. They're all great.
Speaker 3:
[14:31] I've known a bunch of bad Chads.
Speaker 4:
[14:33] No, Jack. I've never known a bad Jack. No, I know.
Speaker 3:
[14:35] I'm just saying, I'm just adding that Chads. Chads, be careful.
Speaker 4:
[14:39] Oh yeah, they'll stab you right in the back. You won't even see it coming. Chads, what the fuck?
Speaker 3:
[14:44] Yeah, Chads, that's my girlfriend, Chads. My God. Okay, sorry, Emmy. Talk to me about some of your favorites. And also, what region or area are you calling from if you're comfortable sharing that?
Speaker 7:
[14:56] I'm calling from the South.
Speaker 3:
[14:58] Oh, I love that sound.
Speaker 7:
[14:59] Yes. And let's see, it was favorite. Favorite show is Better Call Saul.
Speaker 3:
[15:04] Oh, great. We love that.
Speaker 7:
[15:06] Oh, the best. Favorite. Oh, what were the other ones? Book is Jane Eyre. Oh, classic. Favorite. Yeah. And then favorite album. I feel like I always panic when people ask this.
Speaker 3:
[15:18] I know, it's tough.
Speaker 7:
[15:19] We'll go with Rumors. I'm seeing Stevie Nicks.
Speaker 3:
[15:22] Oh, hell yeah.
Speaker 4:
[15:24] That's so cool.
Speaker 3:
[15:27] Friend of the show, Stevie Nicks.
Speaker 4:
[15:29] We wish, but she's still got it. She's still got her fastball, comes in 102 and we're hoping, let's be honest, we're hoping that she and Buckingham start getting along better. There's, there's some thawing in the relationship, Steve. I think it's fine.
Speaker 3:
[15:42] I blame Lindsay. I'll be honest. There is, there is, they'll iron it out.
Speaker 4:
[15:49] And I think it's all in Lindsay. I support Stevie. This pod supports Stevie 100%. Lindsay, figure shit out. We're team filming, front of the show, Stevie Nicks. This is Stevie Nicks team podcast.
Speaker 3:
[16:00] So, Emmy, I'm guessing you probably called for another purpose other than, you know, talking about the wonders of Stevie Nicks. How can my friend Eric and I help you today?
Speaker 7:
[16:10] Okay, this is definitely a weird one. So, a couple weeks ago, my boyfriend gave me these sweatpants that I sent in a picture of that say, MILF on the butt, which is obviously, obviously...
Speaker 4:
[16:27] Was it his choice to get you the sweatpants or did you ask for them?
Speaker 3:
[16:31] And are you a mother? Are you a mother even?
Speaker 7:
[16:33] I'm not a mother. It doesn't stand for what you'd think. It stands for, Man, I Love Frisbee, which it says on the leg, because he is a Frisbee player. And I knew these pants were coming. I was very excited about them.
Speaker 3:
[16:46] Those are sick. We're looking at these pictures of these pants. Yeah. And they look thin too. Like you can wear them in the spring or early summer too, which I like.
Speaker 7:
[16:55] They're a little thick, but they're pretty fun.
Speaker 3:
[16:57] Well, wash them enough times.
Speaker 4:
[16:58] I like the rug too. That's a classic rug there. Really ties the room together. Thank you.
Speaker 7:
[17:03] I love the rug. The problem is, and this was quite a plot twist, like two minutes after he gave me the pants, he broke up with me. What?
Speaker 4:
[17:13] Fuck him. This guy's an idiot. Hold on, literally two minutes after?
Speaker 7:
[17:20] I'm not kidding. No more than three to four minutes.
Speaker 3:
[17:24] It was so quick.
Speaker 4:
[17:26] Was his name Chad?
Speaker 3:
[17:27] I'm sorry. You don't have to...
Speaker 7:
[17:29] It was not Chad.
Speaker 3:
[17:31] What was his first name?
Speaker 1:
[17:32] What's his first name?
Speaker 7:
[17:33] We can call him Chad if we need a Chad.
Speaker 3:
[17:36] Okay. Let's call him Chad. It's such a Chad thing to do. Without getting too personal or divulging it, explain to me the mechanics of giving someone a gift. It's like, hey, I got you these sweatpants. I want your support. You know, I love all to my friends. By the way, I think we should see other people. Like, how does that work?
Speaker 7:
[17:56] It was basically that. It was super confusing. He came in and he seemed normal. And he gave me the pants and seemed really excited and was super nice. And I asked how he was and he was like, I've had a lot on my mind this week. I don't think I can be in a relationship anymore.
Speaker 3:
[18:14] Why give you the pants then?
Speaker 7:
[18:17] I don't know.
Speaker 3:
[18:17] As a parting gift? Like, is it like the gold watch when you retire from a company? Like, okay.
Speaker 7:
[18:23] It was really strange. It was really, really bizarre. And I like kind of blacked out the pants until maybe like 15 minutes after he left. And I was like, why did he give me those pants?
Speaker 3:
[18:36] Oh my God. So is it ultimate frisbee he plays?
Speaker 7:
[18:42] Yes, he plays ultimate frisbee.
Speaker 3:
[18:43] Wow, that is the quintessential 1990s stoner activity, which I would say even above hacky sack, man. Like, you know, that was probably number one.
Speaker 4:
[18:50] I hope this gets able to be right in his head. I really do.
Speaker 3:
[18:53] Oh, he will.
Speaker 4:
[18:54] Trust me. Andy, I'm gonna say this. I think you already know it. I'm glad you're free of this guy. Fuck, Chad. This is a barnacle in the soul. Someone that has that kind of behavior, you're so much better than, and I know it hurts, but I'm glad he's out of your life, because this is crazy, and I don't doubt somebody that's as unhinged and kind of seeming bipolar is gonna try to come back and do not let him back in. Tell him to take his frisbee and fuck off. Right, Steve?
Speaker 7:
[19:24] Yeah, I agree.
Speaker 4:
[19:25] We don't like this guy for you. You deserve so much better than this insane behavior.
Speaker 3:
[19:32] That's cruel.
Speaker 7:
[19:33] It was really bizarre. Yeah, I'm feeling very sad, but I am feeling very sad.
Speaker 3:
[19:37] When did that happen?
Speaker 7:
[19:38] The way it happened, I don't have any interest in him.
Speaker 4:
[19:40] Never, no, but he will try.
Speaker 3:
[19:41] Trust me, I know crazy.
Speaker 4:
[19:43] He will try, and you do not. You can even give him back the sweats, but they are nice, thick sweatpants.
Speaker 3:
[19:50] Eric has a history of giving purple blouses to all his exes before he breaks up with himself.
Speaker 4:
[19:56] It's a party gift, Steve. It's a party gift. Prince wore purple, they can wear purple.
Speaker 3:
[19:59] Hey, Betsy, I thought this blouse was really great. By the way, I'm out of here.
Speaker 4:
[20:03] Yeah, it's like marking your territory. Yeah, I leave a purple blouse wherever I've been. They're all over Eagle Rock. Yeah, even like doctors I don't go to anymore, I give him a purple blouse. No, it's just what I do, and you weren't really supposed to bring it up in here. Steve will talk afterward.
Speaker 3:
[20:18] Sorry about that.
Speaker 4:
[20:19] Well, too late.
Speaker 3:
[20:20] I'm probably gonna get a purple blouse FedExed to me tomorrow morning.
Speaker 4:
[20:24] Send the purple blouse to him, huh? 5XL tall.
Speaker 3:
[20:28] No, no, no.
Speaker 4:
[20:29] Sorry. No, no, no. Emmy, are you looking to host a semi-hip podcast, giving advice?
Speaker 3:
[20:36] No, Emmy. Don't take my job. I got two cats to feed.
Speaker 8:
[20:43] And we are brought to you by Quince. We love Quince. We're here to help.
Speaker 9:
[20:48] So all I do these days is I wear black shirt and black pants. I started to dress like a stage manager at a theater for some reason.
Speaker 3:
[20:53] These days is a hilarious thing to say.
Speaker 9:
[20:55] But here's the thing about Quince to give a shout out. They sent us, Gareth, you and I, I don't know if they sent them to you, Stevie. They should.
Speaker 3:
[21:01] They really should.
Speaker 9:
[21:02] They sent us a bunch of shirts to, or clothes, a link to like pick out some clothes. And I got four black shirts. And my stylist that was sent to me through Apple, this woman, Annie, do whenever I have to do a big press day, she comes by. And she goes, what are you wearing these days? And they always make fun of me because the clothes I wear are terrible. And I showed the Quince shirts and she goes, what are you doing in Quince shirts? And I go, this is what I wear now. She goes, this is the first time your clothes are cool. She goes, wear that. And I go, I can wear my own clothes.
Speaker 8:
[21:32] I know.
Speaker 9:
[21:32] I wear Quince now to like when I do like a press day.
Speaker 8:
[21:35] For my special, I had my friend Jill like pick out my outfit and everything she sent me was from Quince. And I was like, I love Quince. She was like, how the hell does an idiot love Quince?
Speaker 9:
[21:46] That's what it is. So Quince is kind of it. So guys, right now, go to quince.com/here to help for free shipping and 365 day returns. That's a full year to build your wardrobe and love it. And you will. It's now available in Canada, too. So don't keep settling for clothes that don't last. Go to quince, q u i n c e.com/here to help for free shipping and 365 day returns. quince.com/here to help.
Speaker 10:
[22:17] This episode of the podcast is brought to you by Squarespace.
Speaker 8:
[22:21] Listen, go to squarespace.com. This is where it's all happening, guys. I've been working with Squarespace for a long, long time. They just really help you build up your business because it's an all-in-one website design place. It's a website where you design websites, but it doesn't just help you with websites. It helps you pick the right name. It helps you scale up your business. You could show off what you're doing professionally, get people there, get you paid all in one place. Like I said, I've worked with Squarespace for a long time. I have so many websites for different things, all Squarespace. We on the show have used Squarespace repeatedly to help people out. We love them, we use them, can't recommend it enough, can't imagine going anywhere else.
Speaker 9:
[23:05] So go to squarespace.com for a free trial. When you're ready to launch, use offer code GILSENTME to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or a domain.
Speaker 3:
[23:24] Now, okay, Amy, so what I'm gathering without you actually coming out and saying is you have these pants, which symbolize a relationship that causes grief.
Speaker 7:
[23:36] Yes.
Speaker 3:
[23:37] There are two ways I see you could go about doing this. One is the revenge plot where you do something to these pants, such as create an effigy of Chad. Invite some friends over, get a nice bottle of Chablis, maybe some light crudite and some Southwestern egg rolls.
Speaker 4:
[24:01] Burn the pants.
Speaker 3:
[24:02] And then you light that effigy. All female energy should be there. Not one man. Yes, of course. It should be all you and your sisters. That is kind of like an opening gambit for a revenge plot. Now, Eric, if you don't mind, I'd like to pitch something that's a little more fun and making lemons into lemonade. eBay? That's interesting.
Speaker 7:
[24:24] That's interesting.
Speaker 3:
[24:26] I didn't have that, Eric. Eric, pull on that thread a little more. So what I was thinking when you were talking about the pants, it hit me like there was a movie that came in about 20 years, something, something in the traveling jean, the traveling sisterhood.
Speaker 7:
[24:39] Traveling pants, yes.
Speaker 3:
[24:40] The traveling pants.
Speaker 7:
[24:41] Sisterhood of the traveling pants.
Speaker 3:
[24:42] That's exactly right. What if you form a sisterhood of the traveling pants, and you and your close friends, and it can be like cousins. The farther you can send these pants away and they travel the world would be amazing, but you should start your own sisterhood of the traveling pants. You wear them for the first month. This is part of the grooming process. This is part of the healing process to get over chance. You're like, Chad, I'm not going to let this object cause me grief. I'm going to wear these and laugh and create a great bit for me and my friends. You wear, it's like these things travel for a month. The owner, whoever has it for the month gets to wear them, gets to do whatever they want in them. Then you wash them and you send them to the next sister.
Speaker 7:
[25:28] I do kind of like it. Yeah, the question that I've been sort of like grappling with, which you basically hit the nail on the head, what do I do with these pants? They also feel, cause I have other things that he gave me that don't have like this weird energy attached to them. Like the pants feel cursed.
Speaker 4:
[25:45] They're, oh yeah, no, but we're gonna undo that. We are gonna undo that.
Speaker 7:
[25:50] Great.
Speaker 4:
[25:51] If you haven't burned sage and palo santo all around those pants yet, do it now.
Speaker 3:
[25:55] Eric's right about that.
Speaker 7:
[25:56] So some incense, but I haven't done any sage or palo santo.
Speaker 4:
[25:59] Done, incense is sacred, yeah.
Speaker 3:
[26:01] Eric and I are gonna, people are gonna start at a certain point claiming that we're working for a big sage. We're getting like some sage sponsorship. It's the cure for a lot of things Eric and I recommend. But I do think Eric's right. Purify those pants. Get that Chad Stank off them. Because I mean, like he's got the ultimate frisbee sweat, which is like a stress sweat. That don't smell, it smells awful, man.
Speaker 4:
[26:26] No, but here's what I'll say. I think we already know this. These pants are a gift and wonderful because the pants prove his insanity. And there's maybe a chance he could have wriggled his way back in. Steve and I both want to beat him up. I know that's not our best selves. We try to be better, but that's where I'm at. The pants symbolize that you're never, ever, ever going to deal with this fuck again. And I think if you start viewing the pants as a hilarious gift, and it's already brought you to our podcast, and we're so glad to know you. The other thing I'll say is I agree, sister of the traveling pants, Steve and I are in touch with our Divine Feminine. If you're okay with these pants getting a little bit stretched out, I think Steve and I would both love to take a picture of us in these pants, really filling in that MILF background. And if you cryptically post two giant character actors wearing the MILF pants on your Instagram, because you know he's lurking. Somebody that gives pants at a breakup is a lurker. I guarantee you he's got a burner. He went through, I bet he's got a burner. He's looking through friends. Like my wife will try to like, I want to see what so-and-so is doing. I'm like, why? Why? I'm like, why don't I unfollow him? No, no, I want to see. He's lurking. Someone that gives breakup sweatpants is a lurker.
Speaker 3:
[27:43] Yeah, creeps though.
Speaker 4:
[27:43] And if you post two giant character actors, I'll tell you what, I'd love it for the publicity from your Instagram page. I got a fun show coming out May 21st called The Bros on Netflix.
Speaker 3:
[27:53] You're just looking to get out there, yeah.
Speaker 4:
[27:55] I'm looking. If you post a picture of me in the milf sweatpants and say, my friend Eric has a show coming out on Netflix May 21st, please watch. He'll be so utterly confused and upset. And that's really what we want. Normally, we try to go to our better angels. Steve, your next episode of Ghosts or The Spinoff, you just post when Steve's New Thing is airing with Steve Burke and really fill out some milf sweatpants. You have milf energy, Steve.
Speaker 3:
[28:23] Oh, I know. Well, I shouldn't say I know, because that sounds very cocky. But I mean, I don't know.
Speaker 4:
[28:27] No, you're a milf. You are, Steve. Like, I could totally see on Real Housewives of Salt Lake just screaming, please.
Speaker 3:
[28:33] I'm about as sassy as it comes. I am a sassafras over here. Are you kidding me, dude?
Speaker 4:
[28:39] Come on.
Speaker 3:
[28:40] Well, I will say, I think doing kind of like the first instinct always is to destroy them in some kind of way where you're like, ah, I got revenge. I find the revenge to not be satisfying. I really don't.
Speaker 7:
[28:55] That was my first instinct. And I do kind of like the idea now of doing something to like, cleanse them and send them on their way and sort of have a little bit of like, that was a good relationship at the time and now we're done.
Speaker 3:
[29:11] Do you have, where you live, because I know the way people are now, it's like your friends are spread out all over the country or all over the world or whatever. But do you have a core group of friends who you love, like sisters or brothers that live close to you?
Speaker 7:
[29:22] I do have some really good friends here and I have some family here too. And I could do, I could definitely also like, mail the pants to other friends around the country.
Speaker 3:
[29:33] That's exactly right. However, I think if you want to start doing this, you have a little party at your house. And to say like, I have, I want to, you know, like this is a party. It's not, there is a purpose behind the party. I'm keeping the purpose of the party a little bit secret, but please come bring a covered dish if you want or a 12 pack. You know, you should always bring something. You know, you guys have the hospitality down south.
Speaker 4:
[29:56] You're not animals.
Speaker 3:
[29:57] I never come empty handed. But like I do, I think having an event and then at the end, holding, come out wearing the pants, tell the story, they probably already know the story. And then say, I'm asking some of you, if you'd like to, to participate in the sisterhood of the traveling pants.
Speaker 7:
[30:14] Mm, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 4:
[30:15] And not only that, when they come in, they're gonna be a little confused because they're gonna see a top flight charcuterie board being served on a frisbee. They're gonna see high quality appetizers served on a frisbee and they won't quite know why.
Speaker 7:
[30:30] I love that idea.
Speaker 4:
[30:30] Until the pants come out. We are taking it to 10 with this guy. We don't like him. If you're listening now, friend, you're not a friend of this show. You'll never be a friend of this show. If you come up to me in a bar, I'm not gonna be affable. And I won't be affable with you because you hurt my friend. And I can't wait to try these pants on. And I'll be honest, I've been doing some eating. I'm getting ready for fall. I'm gonna fill them out real well. Steve's gonna fill them out real well. And we are going to turn these pants into a mega 10 weapon.
Speaker 3:
[31:02] I'll tell you what, I'd like to get a hold of these pants. I'd like to get them on, get my gardening shirt on, and I will take some great photos of me pruning my tomato plants. On a hot summer day. And then this Chad will be like, oh my God.
Speaker 4:
[31:17] Oh, is this the new calendar, Steve?
Speaker 8:
[31:19] Well, and I'm just saying.
Speaker 3:
[31:23] I'm just saying, the pants might have to make an appearance in these because look, let's get back at this Chad.
Speaker 7:
[31:29] Oh my God, if they make it into the calendar, I'd die.
Speaker 3:
[31:33] Dude, I'll tell you this right now.
Speaker 4:
[31:35] Give the people what they were.
Speaker 3:
[31:37] Send these pants to Eric and I, let Eric and I take them for a test spin. Then we'll send them back to you. And then, and also if you wouldn't mind inducting Eric and I into the sisterhood of the traveling pants, I know I would take it as a great honor.
Speaker 7:
[31:51] You are obviously, of course, part of the sisterhood.
Speaker 3:
[31:54] Oh my God.
Speaker 4:
[31:55] We're so into the sisterhood.
Speaker 3:
[31:57] This is so good.
Speaker 4:
[31:58] Thank you.
Speaker 3:
[31:59] This is so great.
Speaker 4:
[31:59] We love it. We love it. We're in touch with our divine spirit.
Speaker 3:
[32:03] This is the way I think, because revenge to me has a negative connotation in a negative spirit work. It is temporary relief. I don't think it helps long-term. I think taking a moment like this where you were clearly wronged, it was done inappropriate, turning it into a lifetime bit that you and your friends can laugh about, because the last thing Chad wants you doing is laughing at him. And this is actually revenge, and also you're creating a fun, hilarious inside joke with your buddies. Also, I mean, I got to tell you, get these pants, I mean, we'll give you the address off the air, but like, Eric and I can't wait to get in these pants.
Speaker 4:
[32:49] Oh, I can't wait.
Speaker 7:
[32:51] Oh my God. I love the idea of you guys in the pants so much. Yeah.
Speaker 4:
[32:54] Oh, it's gonna be so fun. And the other thing I'd say, unblock them. When the pan pictures start going, it's gonna truly drive him nuts. He's like, why are these character actors? Why is the guy that died at everything wearing the pants? I thought I was being cool. I'm like, no, Chad, this proves your insanity. I personally think you're bipolar. I think you're a nut. I'm so glad you're away from Emmy, but I'm wearing the pants now. And then Steve's gonna wear the pants.
Speaker 3:
[33:19] Have fun of all the legends that are gonna wear these pants. Ultimate Frisbee, you dork, like, get out of town.
Speaker 4:
[33:23] Oh, yeah.
Speaker 3:
[33:24] I mean, there's nothing wrong with Ultimate Frisbee. I played. It's very fun. However, like, I mean, I don't like this guy. He's giving Ultimate Frisbee a bad name. First off, I think he should be banned from the organization. I'll write a letter. I'll write a letter. I know Todd of Ultimate Frisbee National Association. He's gonna get a sternly written Chuck Schumer style letter for me.
Speaker 4:
[33:44] Because we can trace whoever's making these pants probably knows, Chad, and you should be banned from Ultimate Frisbee.
Speaker 3:
[33:49] I agree.
Speaker 4:
[33:49] You should be the Pete Rose of Ultimate Frisbee for weaponizing a really cool pair of pants.
Speaker 3:
[33:53] Exactly. Yeah, I love this. I also love Eric's idea of creating that theme, that sort of subtle theme of putting Baba Ghanoush in a Frisbee. I mean, my God, if I go to a party where someone's serving Baba Ghanoush and appetizers on a Frisbee, I'm like, I don't know what this is about, but I like it a lot.
Speaker 4:
[34:16] I mean, very hands come out, it's the greatest payoff ever.
Speaker 3:
[34:19] It really is. Oh, this is clean cut. This is so fun. And I had to tell you, Emmy, like, I know I'm going to go ahead and speak for Eric on this. We genuinely really want to wear these pants.
Speaker 7:
[34:31] Fantastic. In my head, I was like, maybe Steve will want to wear the pants. The fact that both of you want the pants.
Speaker 4:
[34:39] You manifested us.
Speaker 3:
[34:40] Yeah.
Speaker 6:
[34:41] We're both wearing them.
Speaker 3:
[34:42] We're both wearing them. It's like, look, I've tried to get Eric to wear certain articles of clothing, and he's always been like, buddy, I love you. I'm hard to know on that. You, my friend, offer some MILF pants, and Eric's like, yes, please. How do I get these?
Speaker 4:
[34:56] There's a MILF in me waiting to come out. Oh, there is.
Speaker 3:
[35:00] A beautiful MILF lives inside of you. And also, you might be bringing something out into Eric and I. Eric and I are going to get even further in touch with our Divine Feminine. This is like a two-week freeze. We hope we're helping you. We thank you. You're giving us a gift.
Speaker 7:
[35:18] Amazing. I love this plan. I really love it.
Speaker 3:
[35:22] This is so good.
Speaker 4:
[35:23] Okay, we're doing it. It is written. So we're going to give you the address off air, and then it's starting, and then I'll send them to Steve, and then I'll get good pictures of Jess Rona, take great pictures of me in the pants. They'll go to Steve. They'll go to all your friends, and then I think you start posting them. Because you should, when this episode of the podcast airs, we've got to self-promote. Promote the podcast, unblock it. It'll start driving him nuts. And that we have weaponized these pants to prove his insanity. Oh, I love it. Talk about making the greatest lemonade ever.
Speaker 3:
[35:54] God, this could be like an ABC movie of the week in 1992. You know what I'm saying? This is so good. I love it.
Speaker 4:
[36:04] Finally, Steve, we can play ourselves.
Speaker 3:
[36:05] Absolutely.
Speaker 4:
[36:06] Before this would be Chad Lowe and, you know.
Speaker 3:
[36:08] It would be Chad Lowe.
Speaker 4:
[36:09] Oh, is it a lot of those? Thomas Everett Howell or something. But finally, the big guys get to be the leads, and we are in the sisterhood of the traveling.
Speaker 3:
[36:16] You and I are the Tom Scarets this time, Eric.
Speaker 4:
[36:19] Oh, so grateful. Yay.
Speaker 3:
[36:22] Oh, Fred, well, I'll tell you what. We will give you, you know, right to the show where you wrote in this thing, and Eric and I will give you our PO boxes. You can send those off any old time. I'll get in those pants ASAP. And I know Eric and I will, Eric will too. I mean, like, I couldn't be, I've never been this excited to wear an article in clothing. Fuck Chad, fuck Ultimate Frisbee. This is how we win and have a great bit. I think going the revenge route, it's too easy, and I feel like it's not, it will be, it will be temporarily satisfying. This is a bit forever. And I'm telling you-
Speaker 7:
[36:58] Yeah, I like turning it into a bit. That feels really, really fun. And it feels like it's gonna get the, like, negativity out of the pants.
Speaker 3:
[37:07] It will, they'll become, I mean, these things will be in the Smithsonian in 2077. I guarantee it.
Speaker 4:
[37:14] Yeah, and Steve Berg knows how to smolder, and he's gonna smolder in these pants.
Speaker 3:
[37:18] Oh, yeah, yeah. Look out, look out, folks. Hide the kids, hide the wife. I love-
Speaker 4:
[37:27] All right, we met one more great Emmy. Emmys are undefeated.
Speaker 3:
[37:30] Exactly.
Speaker 4:
[37:30] This is such a great call, Emmy, and we can't wait to get started with this diabolical, glorious, full of love revenge party.
Speaker 7:
[37:37] Thank y'all so much.
Speaker 3:
[37:38] I really, really appreciate it.
Speaker 4:
[37:39] Oh, you're the best. So good talking to you.
Speaker 3:
[37:40] Emmy, you're a gem. Take care of yourself, sister. And also, there is a better man out there for you, or woman, whoever- Because man, either way. But there is a better partner for you out there. This guy blew it, blew it. And it's gonna be the big regret of your life. So if you can, take that grief, put it to the side for a while, and start saying, this might have been the best thing that's ever happened to me. All right.
Speaker 7:
[38:04] Thank you guys so much.
Speaker 4:
[38:06] You can't wait to see you in the pants. The pants are a totem of that.
Speaker 3:
[38:08] Yeah, they are.
Speaker 4:
[38:08] Yeah, the pants prove it.
Speaker 3:
[38:09] Yep.
Speaker 4:
[38:10] Look at the pants as a gift that like this shows this guy was nuts and we get the final say.
Speaker 3:
[38:15] Absolutely. You nailed it. You nailed it. Emmy, you're the best. Hit us back up. And we'll tell you, we're gonna send the pants. We're excited to get those babies on.
Speaker 7:
[38:23] Amazing. Thank you all so much.
Speaker 3:
[38:25] All right, sister.
Speaker 4:
[38:26] Oh, you rock.
Speaker 3:
[38:26] Take care, Emmy.
Speaker 4:
[38:27] We love you.
Speaker 3:
[38:27] All right.
Speaker 2:
[38:28] Y'all too. Bye.
Speaker 10:
[38:35] Oh, wow.
Speaker 8:
[38:37] Caller, hello.
Speaker 4:
[38:39] What is your name? Where are you calling from? And please give us your favorite movie slash premium television show, musical album, and a book or anthology series.
Speaker 3:
[38:50] Hello.
Speaker 11:
[38:51] My name is Kelly. I'm in Georgia and the state of the country. And my favorite book that I would take would be The Complete Works of E. Cummings.
Speaker 3:
[39:04] Oh, yeah. Nice.
Speaker 4:
[39:06] Nice. This is why we do it. Now we know where-
Speaker 11:
[39:07] Which unfortunately sounds a little pretentious, but-
Speaker 4:
[39:09] No, no.
Speaker 3:
[39:10] We like pretension.
Speaker 4:
[39:12] Capitalization is for suckers. We love this. Yes.
Speaker 11:
[39:16] Mm-hmm.
Speaker 3:
[39:16] Mm-hmm.
Speaker 11:
[39:19] So that would be my book. Album would be Elton John's Greatest Hits.
Speaker 3:
[39:25] I'm good with that. I'm good with that. I'm a big Elton John guy.
Speaker 4:
[39:28] Steve loves Elton John.
Speaker 3:
[39:29] I do. I do.
Speaker 11:
[39:31] Yeah. Hard to beat Benny and the Jets, I think.
Speaker 3:
[39:33] It's fun. It's good fun. It's toe tapping.
Speaker 11:
[39:35] Yeah. And then TV show I'm going to go with would be Schitt's-
Speaker 4:
[39:40] Oh, that's two in a row for Schitt's Creek.
Speaker 3:
[39:42] Did you say Schitt's Creek, Kelly?
Speaker 11:
[39:45] Yes. Oh, fun.
Speaker 3:
[39:47] Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. There's a lot of Schitt's Creek talk here. Yeah. Fun show, Catherine Were Here. We love it. We love it.
Speaker 4:
[39:53] Chris Elliot. We love the Levees. It's a great show.
Speaker 3:
[39:57] Big fan of the Levees, friends of the show, the Levees. So Kelly, here's a question. Why or how can Eric and I help you today?
Speaker 11:
[40:10] Okay. So I am going through sort of a professional identity crisis, so I'm hoping you can help me kind of sort through things.
Speaker 3:
[40:19] Oh, yeah.
Speaker 11:
[40:21] Just a little context. I am a dietician. I specialize in helping people with migraine. And, you know, I own my own practice. I'm kind of just doing my own thing. And I love my job. I love what I do. I'm also, outside of that, a witch.
Speaker 3:
[40:47] Pull up a chair and a glass of hot cider. We're going to get into brass tacks here. You're a witch. Now, may I ask what kind of witchcraft you practice? There's many kinds. There's hedge witch. There's, you know, death witch, which I just met for the first time. But what kind of witch are you?
Speaker 11:
[41:04] Yes. I feel very at home. I feel like this is the only place I could ask this question. But I identify mostly as a hedge witch, kind of eclectic. But yeah, that's kind of where I relate most.
Speaker 3:
[41:18] That's good. And hedge witch for the listeners, that you kind of borrow from a host of different practices. You work with a lot like an elemental spirit and nature. Am I right about that?
Speaker 11:
[41:28] Yes.
Speaker 3:
[41:29] Oh, that's fantastic. I know Dana Newkirk. She's a hedge witch, a very powerful one too. Good buddy of mine. Well, this is great. So like you're a dietician, you're helping people, and you're a witch, which I know, which has helped people too. So you're already a wonderful person in my eyes. Now, what is your quandary here?
Speaker 11:
[41:49] So my question is, you know, as dieticians and you know, for just for me personally, being very, you know, evidence-based and science-based is important to me in my professional career. And at the same time, I also feel very called to practice more outwardly as a witch and maybe professionally in some capacity. But I have no idea if I can mix those two things, if there's a world where that's possible. And if so, like, how would I do that without losing credibility?
Speaker 3:
[42:25] Right, I hear you. Um, that is tricky because, I mean, the thing is, I mean, you're using, like, two holistic practices, you know? Like, I mean, being a dietician, you know, I suppose could be considered holistic and, you know, like...
Speaker 4:
[42:41] Especially for migraines. I mean, I think, Kelly, and again, you're in the right podcast, I think there's a way to combine all of this and get even more credibility. And where are you located? Sorry, ADD.
Speaker 3:
[42:55] Georgia.
Speaker 11:
[42:56] Yeah, Georgia.
Speaker 4:
[42:57] Georgia. But are you like city Georgia, like Atlanta-ish?
Speaker 11:
[43:05] I'm not. I'm in more of a rural area, but I practice online. So...
Speaker 4:
[43:09] Oh, okay. Perfect.
Speaker 11:
[43:10] I see people just like this.
Speaker 4:
[43:11] Okay. That's amazing then because, you know, the hippie and the woo-woo, you can find anywhere. And the first example of is my sister's a therapist, but also not unlike you, a heck of a healer. And she started, she was very nervous about doing it. She started incorporating terror in her practice, and her practice exploded. She's amazing at this stuff. She has a gift. And I think she had kind of the same worries you had, but instead it only helped. And I think, you know, help me if I'm wrong, witchcraft has always been a healing practice. Yeah. And to bring that in and to kind of bring it into your practice more for those that are into it, I think would only give you more credibility to write people, i.e. listeners to the show and or the hosts of the show. So you can kind of open that up to the people that are into it. And then also while staying in a strictly scientific lane for migraines and for dietician work, I think. Like I think it's easier than perhaps it used to be to kind of allow all this stuff in. And especially if you're working online, people are going to be opening into this and you can give advice that they don't even have to know is coming from a witchcraft background. It can just be like, oh, that's really cool. And they're going to think it's science, not knowing, well, it's science, but it's from years, thousands of years of witchcraft that's been proven to help.
Speaker 3:
[44:44] Yeah, I think in like, I wonder if it's like a case by case basis, like depending on the client, like, you know, if it's like a, you know, some kind of stuffy conservative, like, you know, dude, it may not be, you know, like, I mean, you can kind of, I bet, like, Eric, for example, like, I bet your sister was, like, kind of sussing people out, not just offering tarot to, like, you know, any Tom, Dick, or Harry. I think, like, I think he got to, like, maybe, like, you know, do a little vibe check with the person. And maybe then you're like, all right, they're a little open-minded. And then kind of like, and maybe also not framing it as like, all right, now we're going to do a little witchcraft. You know what I'm saying?
Speaker 4:
[45:22] Yeah, let me get my cauldron. Here's what I'm gonna do for your migraine now.
Speaker 3:
[45:27] Let me put on my little, yeah.
Speaker 4:
[45:29] Yeah, and the number one thing that makes it all okay and brings people in and keeps them staying is results. So I go and I get a lot of shit from the boys as well as I should for going to a lot of hippie-dippy healing practices and doctors. But like, I-
Speaker 3:
[45:45] Eric, I mean like Eric, Eric will go to like a van to get a colonoscopy on Ventura Boulevard in the valley.
Speaker 4:
[45:52] So I mean, we have a link to stand on here. It helped. But like one of the places I go to lately is this doctor deep in the valley, the Center of Integrative Medicine, and he does a lot of really hippie witchy stuff. I've gone there and I've gotten a laser IV where they run your blood through a laser.
Speaker 3:
[46:08] That's not real.
Speaker 4:
[46:10] It's real, buddy. It's helped a ton. It gets rid of parasites. A lot of this stuff is science that's undiscovered from my perspective. But the people I see in there doing it are conservative older folks, I would not expect, but they have been so helped by this. They probably don't tell their friends, yeah, I'm going in and getting my blood drawn through a laser. But they were skeptical and at wit's end and hurting. Then this stuff helped them a lot. There's some surprising people in there getting a laser IV that you would not expect. I think you could have very much the same results. If I may, I'm not asking to give away some free game here. Can you explain the connection between being a dietician and migraines? What is the connection? Maybe there's people listening right now. We can get you doing a little bit of a therapy session here to let some of our listeners know who may be plagued by migraines, what they can do in terms of what they're eating and consuming to help.
Speaker 3:
[47:05] Please tell me it's eat a lot of spaghetti. That's what I want to hear.
Speaker 4:
[47:08] Steve. Yes.
Speaker 3:
[47:10] It is just eat pasta every day.
Speaker 4:
[47:12] No, it's not, Steve. Let it cook. It will definitely help your mood. I'm sorry.
Speaker 3:
[47:17] It will help my mood, which I get grouchy sometimes when I eat spaghetti.
Speaker 4:
[47:21] He does.
Speaker 3:
[47:21] He really does.
Speaker 11:
[47:23] Go ahead.
Speaker 4:
[47:23] He's a naughty little boy.
Speaker 11:
[47:25] Well, a lot of the work that I do is around helping people support all of the different systems within the body that influence migraine because your overall health influences how severe your migraine is and how vulnerable you are to triggers and that type of thing. So you can support your gut brain connection with food and your hormone health and of course blood sugar. So that's a lot of the work that I do with my people is helping them figure out which system or systems are off that are making things harder for them.
Speaker 3:
[48:02] Now, let me ask you this. Here's the second part to the question. That's the dietitian part of you. You, as a witch, how would you go about integrating the hedge witchery, which that's probably not a way to say it, but you know what I mean? How would you apply being a hedge witch to helping someone with a migraine, for example?
Speaker 11:
[48:24] Yeah. I mean, I have done this a little bit with clients who are open to it, and I also have kind of like a group program online space too. So that's another thing I'm working with a lot of people at once sometimes. But I, you know, I do practice some energy work, so that's something I've done with some people. Herbs, like the more medicinal, spiritual properties of herbs is something that I also-
Speaker 3:
[48:53] Like weed?
Speaker 4:
[48:56] Don't enable him. Don't enable him, Kelly.
Speaker 3:
[48:58] Please, I'm begging you.
Speaker 4:
[48:59] I'm just asking, man.
Speaker 3:
[49:00] Just lie.
Speaker 4:
[49:01] Just lie.
Speaker 3:
[49:02] That's something I want my job-
Speaker 4:
[49:03] It's so hard for him not to show up here stoned. He's doing a good job.
Speaker 3:
[49:05] Oh, I'm not stoned. I have to be careful.
Speaker 4:
[49:07] Yeah, be careful, friend.
Speaker 3:
[49:09] Never touch the stuff.
Speaker 11:
[49:11] Of course, no.
Speaker 4:
[49:13] I was getting some Greg Almanweed in Atlanta. It was amazing.
Speaker 3:
[49:16] Okay, so it kind of makes sense. So basically, it's like, it's just kind of like an alternative to like, you know, mainstream science, basically. And that's really what being a witch is, right? You know, in a way, like you're, like Eric said, a healer, and you're, you know, using different elements of nature to help people, psychologically and physically.
Speaker 4:
[49:38] Yes. Well, and again, Steve, and I know you and I will go back and forth. Sometimes this stuff is, to me, science that's undiscovered. And let me give an example from my own life of something that has helped me a lot. For thousands of years, witches have used wormwood, you know, that we think about from absent, but they have used wormwood for protection, banishing negative energies and enhancing divination. Well, in the last 40, 50 years, doctors have started using wormwood for parasites. I now take wormwood daily. So this is something witches have been right about in their practice for thousands of years, and it took a long time for science to be like, oh, wait, wormwood actually kills parasites. The reason so many people have had good results getting weird and drinking absinthe and writing poetry is because the wormwood was actually killing parasites that were making them sick. So I think this kind of proves the point of like, there's a lot of witchcraft that's just science under another name. What do you think about that, Kelly?
Speaker 11:
[50:44] Oh, yeah, I mean, I, I do fully agree with that. I think, you know, magic and all of that, you know, to an extent is just something that we don't have an explanation for yet. Science we can't explain.
Speaker 4:
[50:55] Thank you.
Speaker 11:
[50:56] I'm definitely with you there. And, you know, I'm always with this stuff, especially with, you know, migraine, where it's so hard to get results sometimes, you know, to help people and help them feel better. Like, if there's something that you can try that isn't going to harm you, but might help you, or at least be neutral, then, you know, I agree.
Speaker 3:
[51:17] I think it's good for being a real talk. I think it's going to be how you frame it. I think if you, like, everyone thought you may have a client like, ooh, witch. Like, if it was me, you know, and you're helping me with science with my migraine, and you're like, hey, I'm going to try some witchcraft shit. And I'll be like, yes, please, let's fuck a party. But like, you're not going to get weirdos, like Eric or I, every time. So let's pretend you're like having a suburban, you know, just kind of a normie come in.
Speaker 4:
[51:44] Georgia guy coming in, racked by migraines.
Speaker 3:
[51:47] Absolutely. Probably those sorts of Gareth Brooks, you know, like he, that's fine.
Speaker 4:
[51:52] If we're lucky.
Speaker 3:
[51:53] If we're lucky. But you know, he's, he's wanting kind of like that traditional thing. I do think there's a way where you can weave in some of your witchy stuff, but I think it's going to be how you frame it. I think if you say, now I'm going to try some occult witch crap shit.
Speaker 4:
[52:09] I'm getting out of here.
Speaker 3:
[52:10] What the hell?
Speaker 4:
[52:11] I went in there with a migraine and she said she was a witch. Holy shit. How do I call a better business bureau? Now she didn't have a broom or a hat. I didn't know.
Speaker 3:
[52:22] Her face wasn't green or anything.
Speaker 4:
[52:24] You're already clearly very intuitive and I think you can kind of suss out who you lean into with this, but I think for you and your path you're on, the more you amalgamate this stuff and not worry about what people think, your spirit and your practice will kind of soar. You're probably meant to bring all this stuff together, and it brings so much wisdom. Just look at the Wormwood example. That's something that people laughed at. Now it's science and we know it helps people a ton. I think that that's just the tip of the iceberg for stuff that witches have been doing for a long time that are only now we find out the roots in it.
Speaker 3:
[52:58] Right. I think because of being a dietitian, look, if my cardiologist is like, all right, Steve, well, you have your aorta is completely screwed. Now we're going to try some wormwood. I'd be like, okay, get me out of here. But because you're a dietitian and you're helping with migraines, I think you're going to be able to weave this in to your practice very seamlessly, but it's going to be all how you frame it. You know what I'm saying? You can ask them if they're comfortable trying it. Well, you know, sometimes my client and I, just to get out of our headspace, will pull some cards from a tarot deck. Would that be something you're interested in doing? And they may say, no, thank you, and that's cool.
Speaker 4:
[53:38] I'm so scared.
Speaker 3:
[53:41] I mean, you're probably going to get some of those, too. But I do think just taking... Because look, there's all these... Unfortunately, still to this day, when most people hear, oh, I'm a witch, they think you're some kind of Satan worshipper. That is just the unfortunate truth. So Eric and I are obviously on a different page. We understand that witches are, for the most part, awesome people, right? Healers. Yeah, healers, man. But I do think it's going to be how you frame it. And I think you don't need to... I think asking permission to try something experimental is also good. Like, where are you at right now, Kelly? Like, talk to me. Like, you know...
Speaker 11:
[54:23] Yeah, I like that. I guess my only small follow-up question would be, like, how can I signal to people, like, you know, with my, you know, content I post online or, like, my newsletters and things, how do I signal to people that this can be part of what I do, but it doesn't have to be without freaking people out?
Speaker 3:
[54:49] Yeah, that is a great question. How do you start integrating this into the, like, into the about you portion of your website? You know?
Speaker 4:
[55:00] Yeah, delicately and slowly.
Speaker 3:
[55:02] I think delicately, I think that is a dripsy thing. I think, like you were saying, you start small, and just, I don't think you would give it a label. Like, don't say, like, sometimes I will try hedgewitchery on people. I don't think that's gonna play really great. But I think if you say, like, look, sometimes to clear the air, we bring out a, you know, divin, or like some kind of form of divination, whether it be tarot, throwing the iching bones, or a pendulum, or even a Ouija board. Like, you know, I just, I think you drip feed it into your website, and then kind of monitor the results, and then you can slowly add on to that, you know? I wouldn't just go whole hog on it though, right away. It's just like, no, no graphics of you running a broom, or anything like that, or stirring a cauldron.
Speaker 4:
[55:51] But perhaps, you know, do a slow drip for your main one. There is no reason you could not start your own burner Instagram feed. Burner Instagram feeds are not just for checking out what exes are doing. You could start your own Instagram feed, perhaps that doesn't even have your face on it, of like, if I had a migraine issue, there's a whole lot of people that would want to deal with somebody that's coming with a witch background, and stuff that's been maligned before but has now proven to be correct. I think there's a whole other lane or a sub stack that you can really start leaning into the witch side of your personality, because I think it needs to come out. I think that's part of why you're calling today is that you're feeling the pull, and I listen to stuff like that. I think if you start a parallel or different kind of identity online with that, whether it's sub stack, Instagram, Patreon, whatever else, I think that there's a lot of people that be interested in it. We'd certainly be thrilled to have you on the Patreon if you feel like taking some calls or starting to lean into that. We don't have to see your face, and then starting to build in addition to the clients you already have that you're coming from a dietitian-based, science-based practice, this other kind of science comes in.
Speaker 3:
[57:12] Eric, I was just going to say what you said. Kelly, I'd like to offer this to you. If you would like to come on the Patreon, because we do some experimental things over there, and I think this is a perfect fit. What if you came on and we did some role-play things where Eric and I were clients, and you, I mean, look, I got a million things wrong with me. I can also, I am a, as Eric will tell you, one of the best crisis trauma actors known to man. That's really my first love. No, I'm just kidding. I'm kidding.
Speaker 4:
[57:48] He is. No, he's good. They love it. Seventh Aventon.
Speaker 3:
[57:52] They hire me a hospital.
Speaker 4:
[57:55] I guarantee you, what if we have listeners struggling with migraines? And to say, we have somebody we're lucky enough to know that can really help. And then you can lead with the witch there. Because people, they broke it, they bought it with us. If there are listeners, they're great with this.
Speaker 3:
[58:10] Yeah, you can go heavy witchcraft on it.
Speaker 4:
[58:13] Yeah, you can be the witch.
Speaker 11:
[58:14] I love that.
Speaker 4:
[58:15] Right? And we'd love to have you. We're about to start a regular live Patreon show. And if you want to jump in and start to do some healing, I think it would really help people. And I think it would also be a way for you to start this new chapter in your life kind of leaning into this. Because if it's knocking on your door, you want to answer it. And you're being nudged this way. And I believe in things bigger than ourselves that are pushing you there.
Speaker 3:
[58:40] And for when you come and deal with Eric and I, if you want, if you feel like, you know, going to your local butcher and grabbing a large chunk of dry ice and putting into a vat of water behind you, I'm not going to be mad at that.
Speaker 4:
[58:54] I'm sorry, Kelly. I'm sorry.
Speaker 11:
[58:56] You're supposed to be the expert on this.
Speaker 4:
[58:57] Yeah. I also, by the way, I'm a dry ice fiend. But there is. I have a friend that's into, people are scared. I had a friend who's into great music. And Steve and I are big time into this band called LA Witch. And they just played here. I'm like, buddy, I know what your soul needs. Come on down to Sid the Cat Auditorium in Pasadena. He's like, man, I'm not going anywhere near anything with the word witch in it. And I'm like, are you kidding me? I don't want to be around witches. It was Pasadena parents that had to get babysitters to see LA Witch. But this guy's so scared of the term witch, Kelly. It's interesting. This just happened. I see kind of what you're up against and why you're leery. And I think coming on with us is a great step toward that. If you come on, you be Kelly the Witch and help people out. And everyone's happier and everyone gets to benefit. And it's the first steps toward you really walking in this.
Speaker 3:
[59:52] Yep. And you know what's interesting, Kelly, is that I would say the vast majority of people who are practicing witchcraft and anything in paganism are down south, Tennessee, Kentucky. I mean, you guys have this really great traditional folk magic scene down south. And I know Kentucky, for example, has the most pagan communities of anywhere in the United States. You would think it would be like Southern California, not even close. Down south, they are much more experimental. So I think your likelihood of hitting success rates with clients is going to be really high. So I love this. I think you are so invited to come do a dry run on me and Eric's show. And we would, let's try it out. Let's see, let's, let's, you know, and like it'll be a good practice for you to get some like feedback in real time before you, you know, potentially, you know, practice on a client.
Speaker 11:
[60:50] Yeah. I, I would love that so much. I think being able to, you know, actually talk with people and try helping people.
Speaker 6:
[60:59] Yeah.
Speaker 11:
[61:00] With the sight of things would be exciting. I also love the idea of, I mean, I already have a sub stack that I'm not using for this thing. So I can start using that. I love all of these ideas.
Speaker 6:
[61:10] Oh, good.
Speaker 3:
[61:11] Well, I'm really excited about this because I think, look, I mean, like, right on any time someone's doing a job or they're helping people, I'm like, bravo. Good for you. We should all be doing something like that. But I like that you're experimenting with some of this esoteric angles on this stuff. I think it's great. Why not? Like, it's also, also it's fun. And like, you can't put a price tag on fun. Fun is a noble goal. But it like, I mean, Kelly, is there anything else you feel like Eric and I can potentially, like, you know, help suggest? Like, where are you at right now? You feel good or you still a little like, I don't know?
Speaker 11:
[61:42] Yeah, no, I'm I'm feeling really good. I'm excited about this. I'm excited to, you know, hopefully chat with people and start incorporating some of this in different ways. So, yeah, I think this sounds great.
Speaker 4:
[61:54] OK, so here's what I'm going to say. Listeners right now listening, if you have an issue with migraines, please write in We're Here to Help at gmail.com, because we are lucky enough to have Kelly is going to join us on Patreon, and we want to talk to you and have you talk to Kelly, and we're going to embark on this wonderful world of witchery healing together. So if you are dealing with migraines, you're in the right place. We're all here to help, and Kelly's just the newest helper. So this is all happening, friends. It's all happening.
Speaker 3:
[62:31] This is great. Kelly, how do you feel?
Speaker 4:
[62:32] Kelly, I said it.
Speaker 11:
[62:33] It's spoken into existence.
Speaker 4:
[62:34] So just get ready to help. You're a helper now, too.
Speaker 3:
[62:38] Yeah, you're on call. You will have a beeper up here at your front door, and when we need you, we will pay you.
Speaker 11:
[62:45] Yeah, sounds great.
Speaker 4:
[62:46] And thank you for not telling Steve he can be cured by spaghetti. Finally, some honesty in this pod.
Speaker 3:
[62:51] I can. That's soul food, Doug.
Speaker 4:
[62:53] Oh, stop it. That gluten.
Speaker 3:
[62:55] I'm going to cure myself tonight with a nice red sauce.
Speaker 4:
[62:57] All right, Kelly, you see what I have to deal with now. Okay, Kelly, this is To Be Continued, we can't wait to bring you on Patreon. Listeners, if you're dealing with migraines, we want to know because we're going to cure them with Kelly. Thank you. Weird Here to Help is hosted by Eric Edelstein and Steve Berg. If you'd like to be on the show, please email us your question at weirdhereothelpatgmail.com.
Speaker 5:
[63:22] Hi, I am Mandy Moore.
Speaker 4:
[63:24] Sterling K.
Speaker 10:
[63:25] Brown.
Speaker 4:
[63:25] And I'm Chris Sullivan.
Speaker 10:
[63:26] And we host the podcast That Was Us, Now on Headgum.
Speaker 5:
[63:30] Each episode, we're gonna go into a deep dive from our show, This Is Us. We're gonna go episode by episode. We're also gonna pepper in episodes with different guest stars and writers and casting directors.
Speaker 4:
[63:43] Are we gonna cry?
Speaker 10:
[63:44] Yes.
Speaker 6:
[63:45] A little bit.
Speaker 4:
[63:45] Are we gonna laugh?
Speaker 6:
[63:46] A lot.
Speaker 11:
[63:47] A whole lot.
Speaker 6:
[63:47] That's what I'm hoping, man. Listen to That Was Us on your favorite podcast app or watch full video episodes on YouTube or Spotify. New episodes every Tuesday.