transcript

Speaker 1:
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Speaker 2:
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Speaker 1:
[00:30] Kayak gets my flight, hotel, and rental car right, so I can tune out travel advice that's just plain wrong.

Speaker 3:
[00:37] Bro, Skycoin, way better than points.

Speaker 1:
[00:40] Never fly during a Scorpio full moon.

Speaker 2:
[00:43] Just tell the manager you'll sue.

Speaker 1:
[00:46] Instant room upgrade. Stop taking bad travel advice. Start comparing hundreds of sites with Kayak and get your trip right. Bad advice? You talking to me?

Speaker 3:
[00:56] Kayak. Got that right.

Speaker 1:
[00:59] He's a 10, but has villainy charges.

Speaker 4:
[01:02] I think there's plenty of fish in the sea.

Speaker 1:
[01:03] There's forgiveness. Oh.

Speaker 4:
[01:05] You're picking someone to spend the rest of your life. If you're willing to talk about other people behind your back, it's pretty clear that they're willing to talk about you behind your back.

Speaker 1:
[01:14] I just don't want to engage in that type of conversation for my own heart's sake.

Speaker 4:
[01:17] I was hold this too. It's not gossiping if it's true.

Speaker 1:
[01:20] I do the silent treatment.

Speaker 4:
[01:21] It would be an improvement if I did the silent treatment.

Speaker 1:
[01:24] We need to meet in the middle.

Speaker 4:
[01:25] I'm more of like, let me tell you something.

Speaker 1:
[01:35] Welcome back to Always Here.

Speaker 3:
[01:41] Are you starting with the unplanned one?

Speaker 5:
[01:43] Are you okay?

Speaker 4:
[01:45] You do it first.

Speaker 3:
[01:46] Are you okay? No.

Speaker 5:
[01:47] Ready?

Speaker 4:
[01:48] Keep that in there. Try it again. Cut.

Speaker 1:
[01:50] One, two, three. Welcome back to Always Here. Welcome back to Always Here. I'm your host, Abby Howard.

Speaker 4:
[01:58] And Abby Howard.

Speaker 1:
[01:59] Sorry, Abby's Pregnancy Week is continuing.

Speaker 4:
[02:02] It's continuing.

Speaker 3:
[02:04] Did you just watch that clip?

Speaker 1:
[02:05] I was cracking up.

Speaker 4:
[02:06] I was in one stop, like this protein shop, please. And I was like, ha ha, laughing at myself. And these guys are probably like, also.

Speaker 1:
[02:17] She's crazy.

Speaker 4:
[02:17] I just bought a protein shake, and the guy that was like, there's two employees, and the other guy working there is talking about, he's like, oh, is he a 2009 kid too? Talking about hockey. Him and this like, very successful hockey player, both born in 2009, if you wanted to feel old today.

Speaker 1:
[02:37] And how old were they? Oh my gosh. 20. Wait. It's not 20, 29. 17. 17.

Speaker 4:
[02:45] Is that not-

Speaker 1:
[02:46] That is kind of weird.

Speaker 4:
[02:48] 2009.

Speaker 1:
[02:49] I don't feel like people were born in those years. And if they were, they're children.

Speaker 4:
[02:52] Here's my marker. How old my little brother is.

Speaker 3:
[02:55] Right.

Speaker 4:
[02:57] Anyone younger than him, infant.

Speaker 1:
[02:59] What year was Blake born?

Speaker 4:
[03:00] 2001.

Speaker 1:
[03:01] 2001.

Speaker 3:
[03:04] No, 2001 as well. The very beginning, though.

Speaker 1:
[03:06] Oh, my gosh.

Speaker 4:
[03:07] In case anyone wanted to feel a little bit more seasoned today, that was me. I was like...

Speaker 1:
[03:12] It's happening.

Speaker 4:
[03:13] I had to hold myself back from saying, you were born in 2009, and you're talking in full sentences. You're an employed person.

Speaker 1:
[03:22] Yeah. Yeah, we're aging.

Speaker 4:
[03:24] I just felt like I needed to... I don't know.

Speaker 1:
[03:27] Can you imagine if we worked in a corporate work space? How old would you feel? Just like when you work corporate, you're around so many younger people, and they're always coming up. And I feel like I always see those TikTok jokes of them being the millennial versus...

Speaker 4:
[03:39] I'm used to being the youngest. I felt like everywhere, in the circles I was the youngest, and now it's just not necessarily the case anymore.

Speaker 1:
[03:46] I remember in school when we were talked about the millennial generation, the upcoming generation, and now millennials are old, and it's Gen Z, Gen Alpha.

Speaker 4:
[03:54] Not old, just more experienced.

Speaker 1:
[03:56] Yeah, we're just out of the range of people who care about us.

Speaker 4:
[03:59] Like high schoolers, wow, that's far away.

Speaker 1:
[04:01] We've been studied. They don't need to study us anymore. They've figured us out.

Speaker 4:
[04:04] We've been studied.

Speaker 1:
[04:06] Well, how are you doing?

Speaker 4:
[04:08] I am good.

Speaker 1:
[04:09] Good. Yeah, should we do our hopes and our hearts? Let's do it. Okay, you wanna go first?

Speaker 4:
[04:12] Okay, well, my hope was obviously our Always Here event. We did our workout together, and I just kept talking Matt's ear off afterwards.

Speaker 1:
[04:20] Yeah.

Speaker 4:
[04:20] Because it also, okay, so many things. First of all, I don't really do, I don't ever have, have I done a live event ever, basically? Like twice maybe, max. And it was really, really, really cool.

Speaker 1:
[04:36] It was.

Speaker 4:
[04:37] And here's my favorite part. Well, first of all, getting to meet you guys was so cool because I felt a weird sense of pride in the fact that these are the people that are attracted to our podcast. Like I felt proud of you guys for myself.

Speaker 1:
[04:50] Yeah. You turn to me and you go, this says something about us because these girls are all awesome.

Speaker 4:
[04:54] They're all awesome. And I was like, wow, wow, I'm using this to gas myself up.

Speaker 1:
[04:58] Yeah.

Speaker 4:
[04:59] You guys are so awesome.

Speaker 1:
[05:01] Truly.

Speaker 4:
[05:01] But it really is cool to just see like, okay, the people that like enjoy our show, like what kind of people are those? Because like we see your comments, we see your feedback. But like this was really cool.

Speaker 1:
[05:11] Yeah, it was.

Speaker 4:
[05:11] And secondly, I just kept thinking about how strong women are.

Speaker 1:
[05:18] Yeah.

Speaker 4:
[05:18] Like everyone in that room, like I know some, I mean, just from talking to you guys, because I really think we personally talked to every single person.

Speaker 1:
[05:25] We tried to.

Speaker 4:
[05:25] Which was really, really cool.

Speaker 1:
[05:26] Yeah, it was the best part.

Speaker 4:
[05:27] Struggling with, people have come up to me talking about miscarriage, talking about, you know, juggling, having multiples or on their first pregnancy, or having gotten a bad diagnosis, dealt with cancer, or like not single and like having trouble, like so many stages of life. Yeah, we all showed up and sweat together and did some really impressive things with our bodies together. And like, it was just so cool. Like, I just, I can't even, it was so humbling to just like, hearing you guys talk about like, oh yeah, I started listening to this podcast and I share with my mom, I share with my sister-in-law, my sister, my friends, we all listen every week, which is so special. And then also people that have like, tuned in for years. Like, one sweet, sweet lady that came, brought her hoodie from when Matt and I first did merch back in Springfield.

Speaker 1:
[06:21] Oh my God.

Speaker 4:
[06:22] And she's like, I just wanted to show you like, I, like, and that was-

Speaker 1:
[06:25] That's so cool.

Speaker 4:
[06:25] So, Springfield, Missouri, I haven't lived there for like, six years.

Speaker 1:
[06:29] Yeah.

Speaker 4:
[06:29] So, that was just super cool. And I feel like that also just made us like, immediate friends with you guys.

Speaker 1:
[06:34] Totally.

Speaker 4:
[06:35] And also, sorry, I'm stealing the mic.

Speaker 1:
[06:38] No, I mean, I love it. Keep going.

Speaker 4:
[06:39] The third best element about that was also like, you guys were becoming friends with each other. And because we were like, I mean, we all are different, but then also have this same shared like, I don't know, general interest. Yeah. And life state or whatever it may be. And people were like sharing contacts and were like, oh yeah, we're going to hang out or get our kids together. And it was just so, so cool. Yeah. Fourth thing, last thing, I swear to goodness is that I love that we were doing it alongside you. I feel like I've always been very hesitant about like live events. And I hope this doesn't come across as any sort of way. This is just genuinely how I feel. I don't like situations where it feels like I'm already like, I already feel like being posting online puts me on a certain pedestal. But like doing a live event where I'm like, I don't know, like on a stage, come to meet me, come to talk to me. Like, and let me, I don't know, like watch me, watch me, watch me. Like I thought this was able to be like, look at you, look at you, look at you. Like, I don't know. And so like the fact that we were able to work out together and do an activity together and like all as friends and equals was also just like perfect format in my opinion.

Speaker 1:
[07:48] Yeah, totally.

Speaker 4:
[07:49] Oh, wow. I'm talking way too much.

Speaker 1:
[07:51] No, I agree with all those things. I was really I think it made it feel so extra worth it hearing that girls connected to with each other because I felt like a common comment that girls made to me was like, I'm so grateful that you guys are doing that you started this podcast and actually are trying to like form community, especially for like young moms, newly married women, like these seasons of life that are traditional and can feel lonely, like it's been really comforting to me that you guys have started this podcast and I feel seen in a lot of ways. And so then now you guys doing this live event and it's like it is a local event. And so these girls all do live relatively close. So there is just like that element of like, we're trying to make our big city feel smaller. And I just maybe want to do it in other cities.

Speaker 4:
[08:32] I think that's what's so humbling about it too though, is that like, because of this podcast, it's becoming so much bigger than just us. Right. Because of like what you guys were able to do and like build upon like this community. And I will shout out some people did fly in for this event, which is crazy and such an honor too.

Speaker 1:
[08:50] So amazing.

Speaker 4:
[08:51] That was just like, I feel like I've always been like kind of a Debbie Downer at the thought of like doing live events. But this really flipped my coin.

Speaker 3:
[08:59] Oh yeah.

Speaker 4:
[09:00] Is that a phrase? I'm just going to flip my coin.

Speaker 1:
[09:03] I like it. We'll start making up.

Speaker 4:
[09:05] I don't know what that means. Don't say that. People might be like inappropriate.

Speaker 1:
[09:09] No, no. But I agree. It was really fun. And I think I had the nerves too. Like I don't want this to just be like an about us thing. Like, and I think it did feel like we were meeting you guys, not necessarily like you were coming to meet us. You know what I mean? Like I felt like that was like, I want to meet all these girls and talk to them and just be, I don't know, get to know them.

Speaker 4:
[09:26] Do you want to tell them that you had nervous diarrhea before the event?

Speaker 1:
[09:29] I had such bad nervous diarrhea.

Speaker 3:
[09:31] Hey, we bonded over that.

Speaker 1:
[09:35] Yeah, we did too.

Speaker 3:
[09:36] I did too. It's okay. Oh, no.

Speaker 4:
[09:37] Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 3:
[09:38] We were bonding over the fact that we both had some issues in the morning before, but.

Speaker 4:
[09:41] Well, I have pregnancy constipation, so don't take that.

Speaker 1:
[09:45] My energy was so chaotic. I was just doing high kicks and acting so erratic. I just like couldn't calm it down. I kind of showed Caleb a video because I got it on video, actually of me doing. I did four high kicks in a row, just like by myself in the corner, like I haven't done a high kick in years.

Speaker 3:
[10:02] That's so funny.

Speaker 1:
[10:04] It was goofy.

Speaker 3:
[10:04] No, I think it shows that even we like had the set up and we we put the donuts and the drinks outside and we had the balloons and all things. We didn't think that people were going to stand in the line to say hi to you guys. That was epic, but it just shows that that wasn't how we thought it was going to go because we're like, you just want to meet the community and hang out. And so it was fun. Shout out to the moms. They were running the drinks and the donuts and the treats afterwards. And so they came inside and went down the line and gave everyone treats, which was so sweet.

Speaker 4:
[10:36] I do actually have to call out our moms for a minute.

Speaker 1:
[10:38] They did so much.

Speaker 4:
[10:39] They helped out so much, but then...

Speaker 3:
[10:41] I have to call out your mom. Your parents, both of your moms. OK, teaser, moms are going to come on the podcast.

Speaker 1:
[10:47] I know, but I'm all worried about this. That's what I was going to say.

Speaker 3:
[10:50] OK, did you know that they told me they needed to talk to me at the gym this morning? They sat me down. I said, I don't know what authority you think I have. They said, add you have all of the authority. OK, here are our demands.

Speaker 4:
[11:00] Oh, gosh. Wait, wait, let's preface this by saying we invited our moms on the podcast for a Mother's Day episode and maybe we're regretting it.

Speaker 1:
[11:10] Yeah, yeah, I was like, what is this like drinks and food you want on set? What are these demands?

Speaker 3:
[11:16] Hair and makeup.

Speaker 2:
[11:18] Oh, oh, oh, my gosh.

Speaker 3:
[11:20] Good lighting. Well, and I was like, well, we're in a studio.

Speaker 1:
[11:23] So I think we're ugly.

Speaker 3:
[11:24] And she said, if you would like more, we will give those demands as well.

Speaker 1:
[11:27] They want us to pay for their hair and makeup.

Speaker 3:
[11:29] Yeah, yeah. I said, Abby will do your hair and makeup.

Speaker 1:
[11:31] Yeah, I'm like, Abby's talented.

Speaker 4:
[11:32] I did her makeup for my wedding. She thinks it needs to be better than that.

Speaker 3:
[11:36] Laurie did say, oh yeah, Abby could do it. So, Laurie did say you could do it.

Speaker 4:
[11:39] Okay, well, that actually isn't even what I was going to say.

Speaker 3:
[11:42] Oh, tell us more.

Speaker 4:
[11:44] Next thing, you guys, we are literally going to regret this so much. So then, the other thing is that we got a text from our friend Ashley.

Speaker 1:
[11:53] Yeah.

Speaker 4:
[11:53] And she's like, no way, I just was at Anthropologie and I ran into both your moms trying on new clothes for the podcast. They're getting a whole new wardrobe. I love it. I love it. I'm wearing sweats.

Speaker 1:
[12:08] I was like, you know what, mom, just get pants. You're going to be sitting. We're going to be sitting low. We're going to be sitting real low.

Speaker 4:
[12:13] Yeah, our new chairs.

Speaker 1:
[12:14] Our new chairs. So get some pants. That's why I told her.

Speaker 4:
[12:18] This is just so wild.

Speaker 1:
[12:19] I know. They're like, I'm like, wow, we better come prepared for you ladies.

Speaker 4:
[12:22] Who would have thought that they would be the guests that show the most Diva behavior?

Speaker 1:
[12:25] Of course.

Speaker 3:
[12:26] Yes.

Speaker 1:
[12:26] I know. Honestly, we said mother's episode, I was like, oh, here we go. No, just kidding.

Speaker 4:
[12:31] Here's the thing, I only knew that my mom was going to do it because your mom was going to do it.

Speaker 1:
[12:34] My mom was going to pressure her to do it for sure.

Speaker 4:
[12:36] But I was like, well, wait a minute. And I was like, well, mom, Ruth's already in. So, and then Ruth didn't know anything about it, but we just knew she'd be in. That was the problem.

Speaker 3:
[12:43] She was like, Ruth said you never told her. And we're like, we haven't had a chance.

Speaker 4:
[12:46] We knew she was in the cam. Okay. She was going to do it.

Speaker 1:
[12:49] Our chain of command of communication is so funny. Sometimes my mom hears things from Lori and she's like, well, she's like, did you know that Matt and Abby were going to be in Hawaii for a couple of weeks? I was like, no, but I'm sure they were going to tell me eventually. And she was like, well, Lori told me it's going to be a couple of weeks. I'm like, I know they're going to tell me.

Speaker 3:
[13:01] It's actually already a couple of weeks.

Speaker 1:
[13:02] And I'm sure my mom is telling your mom. They're always telling us the things that they know behind the scenes that we're talking about in our homes. And then we're laying the information to each other. I'm like, it was going to get to me. I'm not like, it's always happy like that.

Speaker 4:
[13:14] Oh, she's like, we need a reality TV show.

Speaker 1:
[13:16] We need a reality TV show.

Speaker 3:
[13:17] We do, honestly, we do.

Speaker 4:
[13:19] I can hear your mom's in the dressing room and I have to apologize.

Speaker 3:
[13:21] That's so crazy.

Speaker 1:
[13:25] I mean, going back to the event, our moms were such a huge help. Hanna on her team, she was an amazing help. She did all the content, organized so well, was just so on top of things. Addie, you did an amazing job planning and setting up. Seriously. Sam, who was the trainer, she wrote an incredible work out. Yeah, and just kept the energy so high. And Amanda, who did the balloons from Cactus Blossom Balloons, she did such a good job.

Speaker 3:
[13:48] And Element and Unreal for sending us drinks and snacks for everyone.

Speaker 1:
[13:52] I mean, they made the day.

Speaker 4:
[13:54] Delicious. Amanda said she got several inquiries after the event, which made me very happy.

Speaker 1:
[13:59] Good. She's so sweet.

Speaker 3:
[14:02] That was so fun going to the gym on Monday and the stuff was still... I was like, should we take out our baker?

Speaker 1:
[14:07] CJ ran up to it and was like, balloons, my balloons. He recognized it from Always Here. Oh, really? Yeah.

Speaker 3:
[14:13] Our friend Randy, who works in the daycare, her kids also went and started to pose next to it because they just know there's a backdrop. That's where they go for pictures.

Speaker 1:
[14:20] Smileable.

Speaker 4:
[14:21] They're used to it.

Speaker 1:
[14:22] They're like, good, spread the word.

Speaker 4:
[14:25] Tell your friends.

Speaker 1:
[14:26] Always here.

Speaker 4:
[14:29] That's awesome. Now, whenever anyone says, I'm always here, I'm like...

Speaker 1:
[14:32] Me too.

Speaker 4:
[14:33] Are you saying that? Oh, no. Okay, they're just saying that.

Speaker 1:
[14:35] You don't know it. Can I just say something that's been on my heart?

Speaker 4:
[14:41] Yeah.

Speaker 1:
[14:42] I feel a little weird about always homies.

Speaker 3:
[14:44] You don't like it?

Speaker 1:
[14:45] Because I just feel like it feels more masculine. I never say it because I'm like, what's up, homie? It feels so just... You know, it's like funny, but I feel like...

Speaker 4:
[14:52] I'm really glad you got that off your chest.

Speaker 3:
[14:54] You're the one who came up with it.

Speaker 1:
[14:55] No, Caleb, listen, I can't take credit. I just brought it to the table and everyone loved it. But then I'm like, is always honey, like always honey feels a little bit...

Speaker 3:
[15:03] Oh, here's the thing. If we're the always honeys, there's a conflict of interest there.

Speaker 4:
[15:06] My mom's honey and there's no other honeys.

Speaker 1:
[15:08] Shoot. So keep it homies.

Speaker 4:
[15:10] Even when I call my kids honey, they're like, I'm not honey.

Speaker 3:
[15:13] I was like, oh, Lori's going to take too much credit if we do it the always honeys.

Speaker 1:
[15:17] Okay, we can keep it homies.

Speaker 3:
[15:19] Because anyone have another H name?

Speaker 4:
[15:21] We can go back to the workshop with this. It's not like there's only two.

Speaker 1:
[15:24] We can workshop it?

Speaker 3:
[15:25] Workshop it. Leave it in the comments.

Speaker 1:
[15:26] Okay.

Speaker 4:
[15:27] I really feel like you just unburdened yourself.

Speaker 1:
[15:29] I did. Honestly, it gets me kidding.

Speaker 3:
[15:31] You saw it on the Instagram and you were like, no.

Speaker 1:
[15:33] I lay my head on the pillow and I'm like, I want to change always homies so bad, but people love it. Yeah. I was like, I never say it because it just feels unnatural.

Speaker 4:
[15:43] Oh my God.

Speaker 1:
[15:45] These are the things that haunt me.

Speaker 4:
[15:46] These are the things. Man, life is hard.

Speaker 1:
[15:49] Life is just so hard.

Speaker 4:
[15:51] Did you have a hard this week?

Speaker 1:
[15:52] I did have a hard. Well, I'll do my harder than my hope. My hard is that I had a different hope.

Speaker 4:
[15:58] Sorry.

Speaker 1:
[15:59] I guess I can make my hope and my heart the same thing.

Speaker 4:
[16:01] No, don't do that.

Speaker 1:
[16:02] Well, my hard was that I had some mom guilt yesterday. I kind of talked to you about this. I had some mom guilt last night, which is so funny that we just talked all about mom guilt and then I went and felt it. And it was all the things that we talked about, like these lies in my head. I don't hold my baby enough and oh gosh. I've just been feeling a lot of distraction during the day, specifically yesterday. I just felt really distracted during the day. And then at night, I just felt so guilty about it. Like I was constantly like, you know, CJ wanted to play and my answer was always, sorry, but I gotta finish this before I do that. And it's not just a work or it was just all things, you know, house, work, getting out the door, schedule, cooking, like it was just everything. And I just felt like very distracted. I felt a lot of guilt last night. So that was kind of hard. But my hope, and this is kind of a, or did you want to share your heart?

Speaker 4:
[16:51] That's okay, go ahead.

Speaker 1:
[16:53] My hope is that last week, I kind of shared that my heart was, I had some health things going on behind the scenes and I had found a lump in my breast. I think it was like two Sundays ago. And I waited kind of a week and a half. You gave me some sunflower less of thin. We just kind of assumed it was a clogged duct, but it wasn't going away when I was pumping and doing all those things. So I booked an appointment with my OB because I probably just need to go get this checked out. It's not going away. It's not changing. And she was like, I want you to go get some imaging done. And I didn't really feel that nervous about it until I went in for the appointment. And then you get there and you're kind of like, oh, this could be an appointment that kind of changes your life. You start having those thoughts. And I'm really, really fortunate and super blessed and grateful to say that it's nothing serious. The lump is still there, but did you know they don't really do mammograms anymore? They do like ultrasound imaging. Yeah. They still have mammograms, but I did ultrasound imaging. It was really easy, painless. But they didn't see it on the ultrasound, which I was confused about, because you can feel it. And two of different people went and scanned it. And they're like, we just see breast tissue. So I don't know what it is. Maybe it is just like a hormonal cyst or something. But they said, I don't have to worry about it. And just to keep an eye on it.

Speaker 3:
[18:07] If they did a mammogram too, they probably wouldn't see it either then.

Speaker 1:
[18:10] Yeah, I don't think so, because I don't think the mammograms... I could be wrong about this. But the ultrasound imaging is better, apparently. And I showed them exactly where it was and they put the thing right on it. I can feel the lump on the top, like it's close to the skin. So it's not like they would have to go far to find it. So I don't know, that was good news. I felt very relieved after that appointment.

Speaker 4:
[18:30] Is this an inappropriate time to tell the story about my armpit?

Speaker 1:
[18:32] No, you should tell it.

Speaker 4:
[18:33] Okay.

Speaker 1:
[18:33] Because this was the first time I had experienced anything like that. But I know that you had gone through something similar.

Speaker 4:
[18:38] Yes. When I was pregnant with my first, I had, specifically in my left armpit, like, it's funny to talk about, but it's not funny.

Speaker 1:
[18:50] I know why it's funny.

Speaker 4:
[18:52] It's just so humbling. So anyway, so this is... Let's just first start with the moral of the story.

Speaker 1:
[19:00] Right.

Speaker 4:
[19:01] If you are concerned about something, you need to go get it looked at. Go get it checked. Especially as a female, especially with like breasts, anything with that, just...

Speaker 1:
[19:10] Let's just get it taken care of.

Speaker 4:
[19:12] Obviously, this was easy for me because I was already having routine OB appointments. And I was like, hey, they're like, do you have any other concerns? I was like, well, my left armpit is kind of feeling like there's like a lump, kind of big. Like, they were like, oh, let me just, let me see. It's probably nothing. She feels it and she's like, oh. Like she looked a little bit.

Speaker 1:
[19:34] Now the tone changed.

Speaker 4:
[19:35] She wasn't like, this is serious, but she was like, I do want to refer you to somebody. Like, this feels more than just like, you know, you're pregnant, the armpits get puffy, like everything. She's like, this feels more, and especially because it's uneven. And so I go and it was actually like, I had to go really far, like to, it was actually specifically like a cancer area of a hospital. And they put me in this whole robe and I'm with other patients. And I was by myself and that was kind of the moment too. I was like, oh wow. Like I hadn't, I had just gone through the motions. And it wasn't like I was going to worst case scenario or anything, but I was like, okay, this is, I'm glad we're doing this. Go in and this guy, I'm not even kidding. He was like the same age as me. And he was a guy. He's like, okay, he has ultrasound. She, you know, probably like which one? And I'm like, it's boobies. This third one over here. And I, the problem is those gowns, you gotta untie it.

Speaker 1:
[20:34] Open the whole thing.

Speaker 4:
[20:35] So it's just my left boob is out.

Speaker 1:
[20:37] Yeah, right.

Speaker 4:
[20:37] And my left armpit boob is out.

Speaker 1:
[20:39] Why was it a guy?

Speaker 4:
[20:40] We called it the pity. So inappropriate. Anyway, so then I like came out and he's like doing the ultrasound and then they're like, he like leaves no word from him. And I didn't really want to talk to him. I was like, okay, I'm going to just let him leave. So then I'm waiting a long time. The doctor comes in and she's like, okay, she said there's no need to be concerned. Do you know like cats, like cats, how they have nipples all up and down their body? And I'm like, you know what you're talking about? And she's like, okay, so humans are just like that. We have mammary glands all up our body, but only two are exposed, our nipples. Whoa. So milk, I had so much milk.

Speaker 1:
[21:29] This was when you were pregnant.

Speaker 4:
[21:30] This is when no baby had been born. There's no need for this much milk, even when the baby is born. Had traveled up to my top mammary gland, which is in your armpit.

Speaker 1:
[21:41] Wow.

Speaker 4:
[21:42] It's a little science lesson. I don't have an exposed nipple there, but some people do. I know that has happened. Some people have sent me videos of this when they hear my story. I'm like, that sounds even worse in a way. It's just in armpit. There's nothing there, no way for it to come out, which is actually downside. She's like, so what seems to have happened is that that mammary gland got filled with milk as well.

Speaker 1:
[22:02] Wow.

Speaker 4:
[22:03] And nothing to be alert about.

Speaker 1:
[22:05] Well, great news, but also weird news.

Speaker 3:
[22:08] So did you end up pumping? Or what, how far along were you at this point?

Speaker 4:
[22:12] I was terrified of that.

Speaker 1:
[22:13] Yeah.

Speaker 4:
[22:14] And so I just-

Speaker 3:
[22:14] What was with Griffin?

Speaker 4:
[22:15] That was with Griffin.

Speaker 1:
[22:16] And you just sweat it out? What do you do?

Speaker 4:
[22:18] I just let, I just dealt with it, just lived with it. And it kind of was uncomfortable. And I got it with my second pregnancy, and it just, I didn't even bring it up to the doctor. I was like, I know what this is.

Speaker 1:
[22:28] It's my mammary gland.

Speaker 4:
[22:29] It's my pity. No, but it's fine. My left side is way over. So that's the side that started leaking already. But I want to say, you know, we can't be embarrassed about these things. It's our bodies. It's being a woman. But I think the more we share about these things, the more we can talk about them, maybe less concern. Yeah, for sure. So yeah, I have also had an ultrasound at a breast area. Just a little north of it.

Speaker 1:
[23:00] Totally.

Speaker 4:
[23:01] It's crazy.

Speaker 1:
[23:01] It is crazy.

Speaker 4:
[23:03] My heart is that, I just feel like because we keep randomly getting like some, I think I have a sinus infection again or something. And I think that this is kind of putting my capacity at like, just so diminished, that it's also then now affected my marriage to the sensor. I'm just like, I'm sorry, I have no compartment for you right now. Like, so then we're kind of just getting into roommate mode. It's not like we're like at each other's throats or anything, but I'm just like, oh, you're here. What do you need from me? I got nothing right now. And so like by the nighttime, he's like, do you want to like do something? Like watch a show? Like, I don't know. I kind of just feel like we haven't connected in a while. I'm like, I just really want to go to bed. I know. I just keep going to bed and I feel so lame.

Speaker 1:
[23:48] I'm sorry.

Speaker 4:
[23:49] I'm just so tired. It's fine. Which is so ironic because I'm feeling my hope just like literally last week because I had so much energy but leave it to free inside infection.

Speaker 1:
[23:58] You know what? That illness will bring you down.

Speaker 4:
[23:59] And I can't sleep. That's another thing too.

Speaker 1:
[24:01] Right.

Speaker 4:
[24:02] Anyway, that's why you're feeling trapped.

Speaker 1:
[24:03] Just your body is just trying to heal.

Speaker 4:
[24:06] It's like that shows that marriage has to be so active too, because it's like we hang out a lot, but then it's like, okay, if you don't do the marriage element, like caring about connection and any type of intimacy, then you're just kind of like, oh, hi.

Speaker 1:
[24:23] I know.

Speaker 4:
[24:23] We share this house.

Speaker 1:
[24:24] Totally.

Speaker 4:
[24:25] That's so fun.

Speaker 1:
[24:26] I know.

Speaker 4:
[24:27] So it's quickly just derailed a little bit, but for sure we're gonna make that our priority for next week.

Speaker 1:
[24:33] Thank you to SeatGeek for sponsoring this portion of today's episode.

Speaker 4:
[24:36] Don't you guys love a good date night? Just getting out of the house, especially as a mom, you feel house trapped a lot of days. We gotta get out of here. We'll never make it alive. We'll never make it alive. But that's why I'm a huge proponent of having fun plans on the calendar. And we often use SeatGeek for those super fun plans. We just used SeatGeek recently to go to Paw Patrol Live with the kiddos.

Speaker 1:
[24:57] Oh, I bet they loved that.

Speaker 4:
[24:58] Got amazing seats. It was a blast. Second year in a row, baby. It's a tradition now. If you don't know what SeatGeek is, they have over 35 million downloads. It's a number one rated ticketing app.

Speaker 1:
[25:09] There are so many artists going on tour right now. Demi Lovato, Ariana Grande, Alex Morin and Noah Cahan. Many more. Plus, the US is hosting the World Cup this year.

Speaker 4:
[25:20] So whether it's for a concert, upcoming comedy event, they even have musical theater tickets on there, kids shows, sporting events or more. SeatGeek's got everything. Definitely check them out. My favorite thing about SeatGeek, by the way, is that they make it really easy for users. They either have a red light, a yellow light or a green light based on that seat on that specific evening at that specific event, if it's a good deal or not. I like green light, good.

Speaker 1:
[25:43] I like it. Red bad.

Speaker 4:
[25:45] It just makes it so easy.

Speaker 1:
[25:46] We love the visual components.

Speaker 4:
[25:47] So user friendly. Concert season is about to kick off, you guys. And to make it even better, you can use code Always Here for 10% off your SeatGeek tickets. That's 10% off tickets with promo code Always Here.

Speaker 1:
[25:59] I feel like when you're sick and you're pregnant, it's just like an extra.

Speaker 4:
[26:02] Oh, I've also been peeing my pants. That could also be my heart.

Speaker 1:
[26:07] Okay, well, just be ready for the pelvic floor therapy comment.

Speaker 4:
[26:10] Yeah, no, save your pelvic floor therapy comment.

Speaker 1:
[26:13] We believe in it. We believe in it.

Speaker 4:
[26:15] And I got violated. No, I told people this story. Wait, can I actually talk about this?

Speaker 1:
[26:21] Please. Yeah, I think you should bring awareness to this.

Speaker 4:
[26:23] Last story. I believe in pelvic floor therapy, just not for myself. My symptoms have to be much worse than peeing myself for me to go back because I did go because I was referred by a friend that I really trust and love and she had a great experience. So I was like, what better referral can you get? It's at this person's house. I didn't know that till I'm driving. Once again, who's going to tell me these things? I'm driving. I'm like, oh, this is a residential area. I get on this bed. Once again, pelvic floor therapy. What are you thinking? I'm thinking physical therapy. We're going to do exercises. I get on this bed.

Speaker 1:
[26:56] Is it like the bed in their house?

Speaker 4:
[26:59] It's like a massage bed in this other room of their house.

Speaker 1:
[27:02] Door is shut.

Speaker 4:
[27:02] Her kids are home.

Speaker 1:
[27:03] Oh, okay.

Speaker 4:
[27:04] It was a woman. The lights are dimmed. She's like undressed from the waist down. I was like, wait a...

Speaker 3:
[27:10] I thought you just said she was undressed from the waist down. I was like, what? No, she was fully clothed.

Speaker 4:
[27:15] She was clothed. She's like undressed from the waist down. I'm just laying there. I'm like, okay, wait a minute.

Speaker 1:
[27:20] What are we doing here?

Speaker 4:
[27:21] Recalculating. What is pelvic floor there?

Speaker 1:
[27:23] Yeah, I think it's good.

Speaker 4:
[27:24] I signed up for this.

Speaker 1:
[27:25] We should just know what it is.

Speaker 4:
[27:26] And I already had booked multiple sessions, really getting ahead of myself. And she was like, put her hands over here. And there was no exercises to be had. At the end, she was like, you can do this stretch, this thing. And I was like, I could Google that. And then I just was like, she was just like touching in there and like telling me things. And I was like...

Speaker 1:
[27:49] Wasn't prepared for this.

Speaker 4:
[27:50] Wasn't prepared for this. This wasn't my, this wasn't what I wanted today. And so then I canceled the rest of my sessions, which is really hard for me to do, because I just feel so bad. And I literally was like, I don't care. This is just so bad. I was like, I don't care if you can't refund this. I just won't be coming back. She's like, are you... She wanted feedback. And then I was just kinda like, I think it's just not for me.

Speaker 1:
[28:17] Yeah. Ever since you told me that story, because I think we just hear all the time, like, public floor therapy, public floor therapy, and it is a really good thing to go do. And I know a lot of friends that have need to do it and have that amazing, like, amazing healing from it. But I think I always warn them now, I'm like, hey, you know what it is, right?

Speaker 4:
[28:35] They put their fingers in there.

Speaker 1:
[28:37] Because no one tells you that. And then you go and you're like, wait, I didn't realize this was like a whole full exam down there, and I just don't think that's clear. You think, I thought physical therapy too. I thought like, yeah, I just...

Speaker 4:
[28:48] She was like, one side is tighter than the other. I was like, what?

Speaker 1:
[28:51] Yeah, you have to get in there and examine to see if you're too tired to lose what your problem is.

Speaker 3:
[28:55] I need public floor therapy.

Speaker 1:
[28:56] And it would probably be really better if I know the schedule. Yeah, I did know that.

Speaker 3:
[28:59] I also got a recommendation and she did warn me. She's like, just so you know, she does it, but she's like, honestly, it's great.

Speaker 1:
[29:05] Yeah, my friends that have done it, that go in mentally prepared are like, perfect. That's what I mean.

Speaker 4:
[29:10] Yeah, a little prep would be very mentally prepared.

Speaker 1:
[29:13] But you don't know that that's wild.

Speaker 4:
[29:15] Is it normally at someone's house, too?

Speaker 1:
[29:17] I think...

Speaker 3:
[29:17] Depends. They're kind of like individually.

Speaker 1:
[29:20] Like, I know people that have a practice within a gym. Like, it's like a separate room in a gym. So I feel like it can kind of be wherever.

Speaker 4:
[29:25] I think I'm just going to let that happen after I'm done having kids. Or maybe I'll just pee my pants forever. Who knows? It's going to happen anyway. At some point.

Speaker 1:
[29:35] Really? You pee your pants?

Speaker 4:
[29:36] I mean, old ladies, right?

Speaker 1:
[29:37] Yeah, you're like, either it starts now or 40 years.

Speaker 4:
[29:39] Just kidding. I'll take care of it. Just not now. Okay.

Speaker 3:
[29:42] Oh, I love that.

Speaker 4:
[29:43] Anyway, what's crazy happened?

Speaker 1:
[29:46] Wow, that's crazy.

Speaker 5:
[29:47] Wow, that's crazy.

Speaker 4:
[29:48] Wow, that's crazy. Wow, that's crazy.

Speaker 1:
[29:51] Okay, I watched a documentary that I got really fired up about and I'm hearing that maybe I was a little overzealous on, it's called The Plastic Detox on Netflix. And let me give you a crazy stat to tie this into. Wow, that's crazy. This is from Tragedy BT, not from the documentary. Adults may ingest up to 121,000 micro plastic particles per year through food, air and water. They've been found in everything from seafood to table salt and even in human tissues, like the colon and placenta. So my dad, like my dad is super-

Speaker 3:
[30:22] Say that stat again real quick. The amount, how much?

Speaker 1:
[30:25] 121,000 micro plastic particles per year.

Speaker 3:
[30:28] Okay.

Speaker 1:
[30:29] Which, what is that?

Speaker 3:
[30:30] That's what I'm looking up.

Speaker 1:
[30:30] I have no idea what that means. It could be just a big scary number and it means like the size of your pinky.

Speaker 3:
[30:35] Keep talking.

Speaker 1:
[30:36] He knows, okay. So everything, when I watch a documentary, I always take things with a grain of salt. But I personally felt like this was a very interesting documentary because I feel like you hear the term microplastics a lot. It's like kind of a hot buzzword, but I never really knew what it was. I'm just like, okay, yeah, I use a cutting board and the shaving's getting my food and that's bad for me. Makes sense. But I think I personally know 10 women under the age of 30 that have been diagnosed with cancer within the last three years. And I know a lot of women that have been diagnosed with different like autoimmune diseases and all this different stuff. And I'm like, wow, this is really crazy. And in my head, I think it's probably hundreds of different things in our environment. But I'm like, okay, what are just different things that I can learn about that could potentially be maybe be a factor in some of these issues. So this came up on Netflix and I thought it was a very interesting documentary. Do you want me to talk about it a little bit? Yeah. Explain what it is. Okay. I didn't know if I was talking too much.

Speaker 3:
[31:32] I've found the answer for you. It's about five to seven grams.

Speaker 1:
[31:36] Okay. That's a really good comparison because who knows what- That's much better. Five to seven grams of plastic.

Speaker 3:
[31:41] Like a credit card.

Speaker 1:
[31:42] Okay.

Speaker 3:
[31:43] It's five grams.

Speaker 1:
[31:44] Okay. That's not as much as I thought it would be, honestly. I mean, it's a lot of plastic to consume. But okay. So the documentary itself is an experiment. So half of the documentary is the scientist. What's her name? Susan? No. It begins with an S.

Speaker 3:
[32:03] What's the documentary?

Speaker 4:
[32:03] Shawna.

Speaker 1:
[32:04] Shawna. Good memory. Shawna is a scientist and she has this question. She says, for people that have unexplained fertility, could a factor of this... Infertility. Oh, I'm sorry. Unexplained infertility could a factor that lead to this maybe in their environment. And so she thought, we know that microplastics are a thing. If we do an experiment where couples together clean out their environment, get rid of harsh chemicals and microplastics in their environment, could it potentially benefit their fertility? And which I think in itself is just like a good scientific question. The whole documentary was not about that. The other half of the documentary was just talking about microplastics and different ways that it has affected many women throughout history. Recent history. Yeah. So I felt like the documentary was hopeful. I didn't think... I said the terms, it wasn't fear-mongering. And then that was... We could talk about it. Apparently it was. There were some things. But I feel like I always take things with a grain of salt. And I didn't feel like they were super blamey. And I didn't feel like it was hopeless.

Speaker 4:
[33:10] Totally. I agree with that.

Speaker 1:
[33:11] Okay. And I thought that was cool. Should I keep going? I'll talk a little bit more about the results. Or you guys want to have... Do you have any thoughts on that? I don't have anything. Okay. The conclusion of the result is at 50%. So three of the six couples they followed did end up getting pregnant during this. And they tracked the men's sperm count during this, which I actually thought it was interesting. It was male fertility and not women fertility. The men's sperm count. And yeah, they saw significant increases in male sperm count in the 90 days that they did this, which I thought was super hopeful. I'm like, okay, if we change small amounts of things in our home, we can have big improvements on our health. That's what I thought. It doesn't have to be perfect.

Speaker 4:
[33:44] Totally.

Speaker 1:
[33:45] She even said, it's, you're not going to be perfect in eliminating all microplastics, but even just an improvement, they saw an improvement.

Speaker 4:
[33:52] Right.

Speaker 1:
[33:52] So I was like, that's kind of cool.

Speaker 4:
[33:54] I feel like it was, it's a very overwhelming thing. And they did address it. The fact of like avoiding plastic nowadays, it's like, you can't, you literally, how it's impossible.

Speaker 1:
[34:05] Right.

Speaker 4:
[34:06] But like talking about changes you can make to that made a profound, it seemed to, I think the thing that really convinced me too, is that the women and the men in the study, they're like markers. Now, I think they were checking mostly for phthalates.

Speaker 1:
[34:21] Yeah. And BPAs.

Speaker 4:
[34:23] They went down in parallel, like together. So it wasn't like, it's a strong correlation, right? Like they're living in the same house, they're changing the same things. And so I feel like the only way to approach something like this, for me, I was like, okay, like, and they did say this, like implement one thing, and then once that becomes a habit, implement one other thing, and like slowly doing that. I'm like, okay, that feels doable. That feels doable.

Speaker 3:
[34:51] Right. Yeah.

Speaker 4:
[34:53] What were your thoughts?

Speaker 3:
[34:55] I remembered some of my thoughts.

Speaker 1:
[34:57] Okay, tell us.

Speaker 3:
[34:57] I think one of the other factors that affected it is they were doing these changes to eliminate the amount of microplastics, right, that they were consuming, which meant they weren't going out to eat. They were eating more whole foods, things that weren't stored in those containers. That's true. That is a big change in their physical health, that they're, what they're consuming, as in like food.

Speaker 1:
[35:25] Totally.

Speaker 4:
[35:26] Like you can't control just plastic, right?

Speaker 3:
[35:28] You can't control just the plastics, and so that's where we were a little more hesitant of the like, I'm-

Speaker 1:
[35:35] Plastics are great.

Speaker 3:
[35:36] You are eating plastic.

Speaker 1:
[35:37] Yeah.

Speaker 3:
[35:37] It is, that's what's happening. I'm not saying it's not happening, but I think there were, it's really hard to control that type of an experiment. I think it was also really short. They did say the men's sperm count, or they- It was a short, 70 days. 70 days, and the study was only 90 days. So who knows if you did it for a full year, maybe every year, they just, every month they jump a little bit or, you know-

Speaker 4:
[36:00] Or it goes back down.

Speaker 3:
[36:00] Or it goes back down.

Speaker 4:
[36:01] Because it did go down. If they would have ended the study at like-

Speaker 3:
[36:03] At 30 days or something?

Speaker 4:
[36:04] That 30 day mark, or the midpoint.

Speaker 3:
[36:06] Yep. It went down before then. So I feel like there were a lot of things that it, I would love to see a longer study about it, but it didn't. I also lay on the fact that if you're struggling with infertility, do whatever you want to try and get pregnant. Absolutely. I think it is a joy to have kids and to be pregnant, and I have no problem with them doing that.

Speaker 4:
[36:28] I would think tread carefully if you are struggling with infertility, like watching it. Because I think it is easy to kind of like-

Speaker 1:
[36:33] Place personal blame.

Speaker 4:
[36:35] Personal, yeah.

Speaker 1:
[36:35] Which is, yeah, it's not really like the goal.

Speaker 4:
[36:37] There's not like any one factor usually that's causing these bigger things. I do think that they like, obviously any documentary, like that's their focus, is focusing on one thing.

Speaker 1:
[36:46] Right.

Speaker 4:
[36:46] You're, like you said, you're putting a lot of things on one, but it was really interesting. And I think the part that I was mostly interested in was the environmental impact, which they didn't talk about it a ton. But like, it was shocking for me to be like, I think they said that 5% of the plastics that we recycle actually get recycled. And then they also made the point of like, recycled plastic is still plastic. So, we're like, okay, great. That's still also something that we're like now, like more weary about reusing anyway as a material. And yeah, and then you're like, oh my gosh, this is such a big change, because they made the point too of like, unless like companies, they have to care about their bottom line. And unless it's made mandatory like by our FDA, then they're not going to be held to that responsibility. They're not going to change just because of the human health, which is kind of sad, the reality.

Speaker 1:
[37:41] Yeah, I actually appreciate it. I feel like it didn't blame like, I think it's, obviously there are a lot of issues with like big corporations, some of the things that they make choices on. Like, you know, something's wrong and they still do it because of a bottom line, which I understand sometimes, like the business side of things and then the human ethical side of things too. I feel like it's hard to always toe those lines perfectly. I appreciated that. I didn't feel like it was super blamey or it's like, I thought this was very interesting and that the chemists that are making these products, they said, they're like, hey, we're just doing our job as a chemist. We're creating things in the lab, but we're not taught how to look at the long term effects of what we're creating. So sometimes they're creating something. They're like, this is amazing. But they don't know the long term effects of it before it gets put into use. And so there's like this ethical question of that when it comes to like chemists. I just thought that was really like interesting, you know? I don't know. I just have never thought of that before.

Speaker 4:
[38:36] Yeah.

Speaker 1:
[38:37] And I was like, well, it's something that maybe they could change in the future, you know?

Speaker 4:
[38:42] I feel like we have slowly done this as a household, like slowly made like changes as far as like my makeup and skincare, our kitchen, like food storage and utensils. Like I'm like, okay. And I'm now more inclined to like look at my cutting boards, look at my like utensils and like think about heating things and any kind of plastic container. I think about Matt's frozen peas, man.

Speaker 1:
[39:02] I know I started doing them in glass bowls after a girl messaged me and was like, girl, don't microwave your veggies in the bag.

Speaker 4:
[39:07] I think about that a lot.

Speaker 1:
[39:08] Yeah.

Speaker 4:
[39:08] So I'm like, I'm more inclined to make these small choices, but yeah, it is a big thing to think about.

Speaker 1:
[39:16] Yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 3:
[39:17] Interesting. It's just like when they eliminated straws, like plastic straws. You think about it like there was that one thing that like we all latched on to, to get rid of plastic straws, and it has helped with marine litter, but like in the global plastic community, it's really small. The impact of it's had, but we did the same. We have glass Tupperware now, and think about the cutting boards a lot. The bigger things that you think about.

Speaker 4:
[39:45] Anything you're going to get hot especially, I'm like, that's what I'll focus on.

Speaker 1:
[39:48] I get, this is where I get sometimes stressed out as a consumer, not stressed out, but I think there's like this little white flag that I wear, so I'm just like, hey, anything that I do, like every switch I make or change I make, I feel like 10 years from now, we're gonna find out, oh, that's not actually good. You know? Like they were even saying, there's plastic lining in aluminum cans. So you're like, oh, I'm not gonna get the plastic bottle, I'll get the aluminum can, so I don't drink out of plastic. But then it's like, your cans are lined with plastic.

Speaker 4:
[40:13] Anything that could just move the needle a little bit.

Speaker 1:
[40:15] I know. And so I just, sometimes I'm like, okay, we can try to make, I think it's just like having the open hands, be like, I'm willing to make changes, but then also not putting so much stress or pressure on ourself to be like, we have to be perfect or make these things, because honestly, we do just live in a broken world and every supply chain, like you can.

Speaker 4:
[40:35] I gotta share a couple of points that lost me. Don't touch receipts. I was like, all right.

Speaker 1:
[40:40] I know, that one, I'm like, that's, I'm gonna touch them.

Speaker 4:
[40:44] I feel like, please throw it away. Which I'm like, fair, they have a high motivator if they think that this is going to bring them a child.

Speaker 1:
[40:50] When they're part of an experiment, they're trying to be as diligent as possible.

Speaker 4:
[40:54] The other thing too, I'm like, I feel like it'd be very, very, very difficult and overwhelming to not have, I mean, more attainable, but still very difficult to not have plastics in your clothing, but also to have them not delivered in any plastic.

Speaker 1:
[41:07] Right, that's what I was gonna talk about.

Speaker 4:
[41:09] I was like, this is real crazy to me.

Speaker 1:
[41:11] When I worked in fashion, the supply chains are insane. And I remember, you know, it's probably in plastic a million different times. A million different times. And even if you as a brand is like, we're gonna be really ethical sourcing of our fabrics and of our, you know, we're only gonna work at factories that are really good to their employees. Well, that one factory that your garments are sewed in might be doing those things. But then you have the factory that your zippers and your buttons and your fastenings are made in. You have where the fabrics are created, how the fibers are created, everything that's shipping in between. Like all these supply chains of every single product created are so crazy. And I think it's good that companies are trying to control what they can. But I think it's like-

Speaker 4:
[41:52] That's a rabbit hole. I can't even-

Speaker 1:
[41:53] I know. I'm like, that's where I'm almost just like, we just got to do what we personally can do and not try to like, you know what I mean?

Speaker 4:
[41:59] You'll drive yourself mad.

Speaker 1:
[42:00] Because there's gonna be brokenness in every area.

Speaker 4:
[42:02] You're gonna drive yourself crazy.

Speaker 1:
[42:03] Yes, yes. So I thought it was interesting to learn about-

Speaker 3:
[42:07] Yes.

Speaker 1:
[42:07] I thought it was interesting to watch. I think it's something I'm like, okay, I'll pay attention a little bit to this. My hope is not in it, but I think it's like, good to know.

Speaker 3:
[42:15] If you're gonna watch it, watch past the first 20 minutes.

Speaker 1:
[42:18] The first 20 minutes are so bad.

Speaker 3:
[42:19] I said, what is this?

Speaker 1:
[42:22] I don't know how I got past it. I know.

Speaker 4:
[42:24] I didn't think the first 20 minutes were any specifically-

Speaker 1:
[42:27] I was like, this is a po-dunky, like not a good documentary. But then you get through it, and you're like-

Speaker 4:
[42:31] Oh, the Joe Rogan?

Speaker 1:
[42:33] I was just like, this is not gonna be, this is not gonna be an unbiased or like good documentary.

Speaker 4:
[42:37] Oh yeah, well, I was trying to listen to it in the car when I was driving the kids. And he was like, this generation has smaller balls and penises and then I was like, I know that that's-

Speaker 3:
[42:48] Oh, you didn't, wait, you listened to it, you didn't watch it.

Speaker 4:
[42:51] I couldn't, there's just-

Speaker 3:
[42:52] She has this baby?

Speaker 1:
[42:53] That was hilarious.

Speaker 3:
[42:54] It's a doll.

Speaker 4:
[42:55] She's measuring their anus.

Speaker 3:
[42:57] She's in a coffee shop with this baby.

Speaker 1:
[43:00] I thought that was hilarious.

Speaker 3:
[43:01] I was crazy. Blake kept getting caught on. Some of the like videos they're using are clearly AI, like just like people working in a factory or different things. And Blake was just like, go back, that's AI. It's a documentary at this point.

Speaker 1:
[43:17] Everything has to be taken with a grain of salt. Even some of the studies they talk about in that documentary, I'm like, what are these peer reviewed? How are these studies? What was the sample size? Every study that's mentioned in anything ever, you have to be like...

Speaker 4:
[43:27] They could have stood, in my opinion, to narrow their focus a bit more. Yeah, I could see that.

Speaker 3:
[43:33] My biggest thing was contribute versus cause.

Speaker 4:
[43:36] Correlation versus causation.

Speaker 3:
[43:37] So it's like that same thing. It's like, I don't know. Could it contribute? Sure. But did it cause this?

Speaker 1:
[43:44] Maybe, we don't know.

Speaker 4:
[43:45] I know that Griffin Noggy tuned in first.

Speaker 1:
[43:49] The penis.

Speaker 4:
[43:49] Penis and balls.

Speaker 3:
[43:51] Well, cut this out, because I just want to say this, but Blake was like, that one guy came on screen that was talking in Congress or whatever, and Blake's like, he's a fraud! It showed me all these clips about this guy. Not a reputable guy.

Speaker 1:
[44:06] Oh, I didn't know what guy that is.

Speaker 3:
[44:07] And so then they had him in there, and Blake's like...

Speaker 1:
[44:09] He's like, I already know you. Oh, it just threw the whole thing out. I always worry about that when I talk about stuff like this. I'm like, I'm sure there was a character in there. It's so controversial. Anyway, I'm a little crunchy, but that's it. It's okay.

Speaker 4:
[44:23] You're not crunchy.

Speaker 1:
[44:24] I feel like you're a little... I'm a little... I get it from my dad. Like, my dad doesn't take any medication. He's like, it's good, you should take medication, but I won't, and that's how I am too. I'm like, you should take ibuprofen, but I'm not going to. Not because I think anything of it. I'm just like, oh, I just don't need it. Like, I don't think it's going to cause any harm, but at the same time, I just don't want to take it. Isn't that goofy?

Speaker 4:
[44:46] Well, that's not exactly what I was referring to either. I just feel like you get a little bit worried about health stuff.

Speaker 1:
[44:50] I do. I get it from my dad. He's a big hyper contract.

Speaker 4:
[44:53] But hey, it's good. I mean, it makes me take my health a little bit more seriously.

Speaker 1:
[45:00] Come on ladies, get it together.

Speaker 4:
[45:04] Did you want to talk about Bibercella? Because now we're really job.

Speaker 1:
[45:07] No, but can I just say that my heart was broken into a million pieces and that I wasn't there. And I've never wanted to go to Coachella ever once in my life until this weekend.

Speaker 4:
[45:14] Quick question, do they actually call it Bibercella?

Speaker 1:
[45:17] They were called it Bibercella. Because Haley and Justin are a little power couple at this Bibercella.

Speaker 3:
[45:21] Oh yeah.

Speaker 1:
[45:21] Her road popped up. She had a whole installation and then he was there. And gosh, what a dream.

Speaker 3:
[45:26] Did you see her post afterwards of all the like, she went to all the, not dress rehearsal.

Speaker 1:
[45:34] Oh, like his, yeah, his like mic checks, whatever.

Speaker 3:
[45:38] Mic checks, yeah. And he's scrolling on YouTube in his set. It's all pre-planned. So you can see he's practicing in it. So I thought that was kind of cool.

Speaker 1:
[45:48] Yeah, I did too. Like it was really his vision.

Speaker 3:
[45:50] Yeah, he planned it all out. It wasn't like he was being lazy.

Speaker 1:
[45:52] No, totally.

Speaker 3:
[45:53] He had it all planned, which is cool.

Speaker 1:
[45:54] I thought it was really cool because he was discovered on YouTube. And so did you know what his Coachella set was?

Speaker 4:
[45:58] Matt told me he did something about YouTube.

Speaker 1:
[45:59] Yeah, he literally sat on stage behind a laptop and had it casted on the screen behind him and was like pulling up his old videos and would just pull up some of his clips from his past songs and sing to him.

Speaker 3:
[46:08] Someone was telling me it was because... or not someone was telling me, probably TikTok. TikTok was telling me, yeah. They tell me all this.

Speaker 1:
[46:15] No, he doesn't.

Speaker 3:
[46:16] And so not to have to pay those people, he was streaming it on YouTube.

Speaker 1:
[46:19] Oh, that's really interesting.

Speaker 3:
[46:20] He was doing karaoke to it.

Speaker 1:
[46:21] Smart, honestly.

Speaker 3:
[46:22] I don't know. That might not be real.

Speaker 1:
[46:23] Yeah, there's a whole conspiracy theory behind that, which I don't know if it's true, but there is one. But he did sell it a couple years ago.

Speaker 4:
[46:30] I feel so out of it.

Speaker 1:
[46:31] I know. I really keep up my Bieber news. Sorry, ladies.

Speaker 3:
[46:34] No, I loved it. I was watching all the clips afterwards. I thought it was so cool, him singing all the old times.

Speaker 1:
[46:39] Yeah, I know. It was amazing. I wish I'd stayed up and watched it live on YouTube. I didn't know that was a thing. So yeah, I was a little sad about that. I tried finding it for a good long while, copywritten, and no one had it copywritten, which seems like incredible feats that happened.

Speaker 4:
[46:57] I know.

Speaker 1:
[46:58] I was really trying to pirate it.

Speaker 3:
[46:59] Is he only doing one weekend?

Speaker 1:
[47:01] No, two.

Speaker 3:
[47:01] So he's doing this weekend too?

Speaker 1:
[47:02] I think so.

Speaker 3:
[47:03] Okay, cool. Then stay up to date.

Speaker 4:
[47:04] I gotta be honest. Nothing sounds worse than me than going to Coachella.

Speaker 1:
[47:07] I know, but I wanted to go to this one.

Speaker 3:
[47:10] It's not something you could just like stop in.

Speaker 4:
[47:11] It's things I don't like, camping and concerts. No, no.

Speaker 3:
[47:15] You don't have to camp.

Speaker 1:
[47:15] Abby, the influencers aren't camping. Please, Abby. You would have to be camping.

Speaker 3:
[47:19] You'd be staying in a mansion.

Speaker 1:
[47:21] Please.

Speaker 4:
[47:21] Coachella has never called.

Speaker 3:
[47:24] It's the brands that have to call you.

Speaker 4:
[47:27] First of all, what the heck would I wear to that?

Speaker 1:
[47:29] Well, hopefully they get the Abby Howard's makes up and they invite me instead.

Speaker 3:
[47:33] Just in my Always Here. We'll come. We'll do a live podcast.

Speaker 1:
[47:37] What do you wear? That's a good question. Not much, I think.

Speaker 4:
[47:41] Spiderswimsuit or a ball.

Speaker 3:
[47:42] Fairy goddess is what I kept hearing.

Speaker 4:
[47:45] Thank you to Cozy Earth for sponsoring this portion of today's episode.

Speaker 1:
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Speaker 4:
[47:49] Oh yeah.

Speaker 1:
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Speaker 4:
[48:11] I have the plush too.

Speaker 1:
[48:11] It's so dreamy.

Speaker 4:
[48:12] This robe is heavy, you guys, in the best way.

Speaker 1:
[48:15] Yeah.

Speaker 4:
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Speaker 1:
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Speaker 4:
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Speaker 1:
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Speaker 4:
[49:18] That was so smooth, Abigail.

Speaker 1:
[49:19] Thank you. Thank you so much.

Speaker 4:
[49:20] Today we were talking about red flags. If you didn't catch that drift. So we're talking about dating red flags mostly. We'll also be a little, what's the word?

Speaker 1:
[49:32] We'll be self-aware.

Speaker 4:
[49:33] Self-aware. Our own personal red flags that our husbands just had to get over.

Speaker 1:
[49:36] Yeah.

Speaker 4:
[49:37] And also some about friendships too because we know we have people in all stages of life. And also they're always, you always want to have friends.

Speaker 1:
[49:44] Yeah, we do. We want friends and we want friends that aren't big question marks.

Speaker 4:
[49:49] Big question marks.

Speaker 1:
[49:49] Big red flags in one of our heads.

Speaker 4:
[49:51] Also, we polled you guys on our Instagram. If you don't follow us there, it's Always Here Podcast Instagram. We were just curious about your personal red flags because I feel like whenever I hear, like sometimes I just need something to spark me and then other people are like, oh, that's so true. And so you guys came up with some really good ones.

Speaker 1:
[50:09] Yeah. Have you guys seen that game where it's like, he's a 10, but that's what we're doing.

Speaker 4:
[50:13] Yeah.

Speaker 1:
[50:13] Okay. I mean, he's a 10, but he has more than one ex-wife. That's a red flag. That's a red flag.

Speaker 3:
[50:20] Are you guys going to rate him?

Speaker 1:
[50:21] He's a five. I think that's a big yellow flag.

Speaker 4:
[50:24] That's, yeah, that's actually a red flag probably.

Speaker 1:
[50:26] Okay. So four.

Speaker 4:
[50:28] More than one?

Speaker 1:
[50:29] Yeah, you're right.

Speaker 4:
[50:30] Like you could have one crazy thing happen.

Speaker 1:
[50:33] That's true.

Speaker 4:
[50:34] Two is a pattern.

Speaker 1:
[50:35] Okay, you're right.

Speaker 4:
[50:36] There's a common thread there.

Speaker 1:
[50:37] He's immediately a three.

Speaker 4:
[50:38] There's a common thread there.

Speaker 1:
[50:40] Okay. I will just preface this by everyone saying, I am an optimist, and I give people the benefit of the doubt. Okay. He's a ten.

Speaker 4:
[50:46] You would never date someone that had two ex-wives.

Speaker 3:
[50:49] You'd want me.

Speaker 4:
[50:50] You're right.

Speaker 3:
[50:51] I wouldn't.

Speaker 1:
[50:52] He's a one.

Speaker 4:
[50:53] Fine.

Speaker 3:
[50:54] He's a one.

Speaker 4:
[50:56] Neat guy. You're right.

Speaker 1:
[50:57] He sounds like a keeper. Okay, he's a ten, but he speaks disrespectfully to his family. That's a two.

Speaker 4:
[51:04] No, no, no. He's a ten, but it's unclear what he wants.

Speaker 1:
[51:09] Yes, that's a six.

Speaker 4:
[51:11] Clear, clear is kindness.

Speaker 1:
[51:15] Clarity is kindness.

Speaker 4:
[51:16] Clarity is kindness.

Speaker 1:
[51:16] There you go.

Speaker 4:
[51:18] And we don't like mean guys.

Speaker 1:
[51:19] We don't like that.

Speaker 4:
[51:20] No, I always say that that was one of my favorite things about Matt. Even in high school, he was like, I want to take you on a date. I was like, thanks for calling this a date, because I feel like I was spiraling sometimes. I remember, obviously, I can't speak for a long dating experience, but if guys were like, let's hang, or would text me, hey, all the time, I'd be like, I'm just so curious what this means. And so I feel like that's very kind.

Speaker 1:
[51:43] I was really impressed. My little sister went on a date recently, and he said, hey, I'm going to pay for this date, so don't worry about that at the end. Beforehand, I was like, oh, I really like him. That's so clear. He didn't leave any room for confusion or awkwardness at the end. He was like, I'm going to pay for the date. Okay, he's a 10, but he has no work ethic.

Speaker 2:
[52:03] Oof, that was actually one of mine.

Speaker 1:
[52:04] That was a bad one. That was one of mine, too. That's, yeah, that's a red flag.

Speaker 4:
[52:07] He's a 10, but has dirty nails.

Speaker 1:
[52:09] You know what? I think he could still be a 10 because my husband has very dirty nails from work.

Speaker 4:
[52:14] He can still be a 10. He is a 10, but he cries more than I do.

Speaker 1:
[52:20] I think that's, I think that's, I think that's fine.

Speaker 4:
[52:23] Just depending on what type of person you are.

Speaker 1:
[52:25] You know, he's a 10. My dad cries more than my mom.

Speaker 4:
[52:28] Same with our in-laws.

Speaker 1:
[52:29] Yeah, sensitive, sweet, sweet soul.

Speaker 4:
[52:31] If I were to date someone that cried more than I did, maybe we were deploying on a lesser number.

Speaker 1:
[52:38] Yeah, that's true. We don't cry. My mom doesn't cry ever. You just got to be somewhere.

Speaker 4:
[52:40] You have to be somewhere.

Speaker 1:
[52:42] It's not hard to do.

Speaker 4:
[52:42] You can't have two of them at least.

Speaker 1:
[52:44] That's right, that's right. He's a 10, but he won't let you meet his family.

Speaker 4:
[52:49] I would just have questions. I mean, it's not always, but if you're a family, it's like, you can't always base them based on their family.

Speaker 1:
[52:56] Well, I was thinking more so, like he doesn't like you.

Speaker 4:
[53:00] Oh, I get that.

Speaker 1:
[53:01] So I think you got a lot of questions there.

Speaker 4:
[53:03] Got a lot of questions. He's a 10, but he's scared of his mom.

Speaker 1:
[53:07] Relatable, but maybe he needs to man up a little bit.

Speaker 4:
[53:14] He's a 10, but talks trash about his exes.

Speaker 1:
[53:16] Bad run.

Speaker 4:
[53:17] I think talking about your exes at all, it's just kind of like...

Speaker 1:
[53:20] Yeah, I think it's okay to ask questions like, why didn't it work? But then if they're like, because she was crazy. If a man says your ex is crazy, he's crazy.

Speaker 4:
[53:29] You're the problem. I'm sorry, you're all crazy. He's a 10, but doesn't wash his hands before cooking a meal at someone else's house. Piper, I feel like this is personal.

Speaker 1:
[53:40] Very specific, Piper. He's a 10, but he only has friends that are girls. Yeah, I don't know if I'd love that.

Speaker 4:
[53:53] Sorry, I got lost.

Speaker 1:
[53:57] Okay, what were you reading?

Speaker 4:
[53:58] I mean, Matt had a lot of friends that were girls, so I don't really know if that's a red flag for me.

Speaker 1:
[54:04] Maybe yellow.

Speaker 4:
[54:05] Yellow? Let's, yeah. He's a 10, but plays video games.

Speaker 1:
[54:10] I don't know. I think there's a lot of degrees of variety there.

Speaker 4:
[54:13] Yeah.

Speaker 1:
[54:14] Video games all day? I don't know about that one. Likes to dabble in the video game.

Speaker 4:
[54:19] If he chooses to play video games when he's around you, out. No, no, no. You can play with your guy friends. Or when I'm not there.

Speaker 1:
[54:27] Or if you need downtime, alone time, but if it's like all day and he's being lazy, we don't like laziness. He's a 10, but he's emotionally immature. I don't think he's a 10. Yeah.

Speaker 4:
[54:39] He's a 10, but none of your friends or family like him.

Speaker 1:
[54:42] Run.

Speaker 4:
[54:42] Yeah, let's consider that.

Speaker 1:
[54:45] He's a 10, but he is mean to his mom. I mean, just get out. Get out while you can.

Speaker 4:
[54:50] As a mom of three boys soon to be. By the way, I'm having a boy. If you're having this, this will be outright another anecdote.

Speaker 1:
[55:00] Oh my gosh.

Speaker 3:
[55:02] I was like, yes.

Speaker 1:
[55:05] Hey. I feel bad.

Speaker 4:
[55:06] I feel like I unintentionally misled our audience.

Speaker 1:
[55:09] Why? Because you get the gender reveals video?

Speaker 4:
[55:12] The old wives thing is the same thing about girls, but also I had the same pregnancy symptoms for all four of my pregnancies, one of which was a girl, same symptoms, so I don't believe in old wives' tales.

Speaker 1:
[55:22] Listen, I believe them.

Speaker 4:
[55:23] You do.

Speaker 1:
[55:24] Just kidding.

Speaker 4:
[55:25] Well, congratulations. Thank you. I'm going to be really defensive of the boys, or the boys that are mean to their moms.

Speaker 1:
[55:32] Yeah. We're going to cut that out.

Speaker 3:
[55:35] Do you think the thing of being like, how your, is there any correlation to how your husband treats their mom, or how your boyfriend treats your mom is how they treat you at all?

Speaker 1:
[55:46] I think that's true.

Speaker 3:
[55:46] You think? I'm like, Blake messes with his mom, but he also messes with me, so.

Speaker 1:
[55:50] So there you go.

Speaker 3:
[55:52] What do you think about how Matt, he's way different with you?

Speaker 4:
[55:55] Yeah.

Speaker 1:
[55:56] Matt treats his mom well.

Speaker 4:
[55:57] Yeah, but he doesn't treat me the same as his mom.

Speaker 1:
[56:00] I mean, not in a romantic way.

Speaker 4:
[56:02] No, even just the way that he is.

Speaker 3:
[56:04] Interacts is completely different.

Speaker 4:
[56:06] You think?

Speaker 1:
[56:06] I think Matt's really respectful to his mom.

Speaker 4:
[56:08] I'm not talking about respect. I think he's very respectful.

Speaker 3:
[56:11] I think this has to do with-

Speaker 1:
[56:11] What are we talking about? I think it has to do with respect.

Speaker 4:
[56:14] I think she's talking- Oh, I thought you were talking about like-

Speaker 3:
[56:16] I like, that's how he respects his mom.

Speaker 1:
[56:19] Well, no, they don't get like, Caleb and Matt aren't mean to their parents. They're like impatient or snippy or like short with them.

Speaker 4:
[56:27] Oh, yeah.

Speaker 1:
[56:28] I think those are the things that you'd be looking for. How do they treat their mom? Like, are they annoyed by their mom? Is their mom, yeah, are they just impatient with her?

Speaker 4:
[56:36] Yeah.

Speaker 1:
[56:36] Because it's a person that they've lived with the longest and has like, I think, not to make a parallel to your mother in marriage, but it's the same thing. Like, you're gonna be taking care of each other in marriage and their mom took care of you. And so if they're mean to your mom, their mom...

Speaker 4:
[56:51] Totally.

Speaker 1:
[56:51] You know what I mean? That's why I take it.

Speaker 4:
[56:54] I didn't take it the same way.

Speaker 1:
[56:55] Got it.

Speaker 4:
[56:56] Got confused.

Speaker 3:
[56:57] I would hope she wouldn't treat you exactly the same.

Speaker 1:
[56:59] Yeah, that would be a little weird. That would be a little weird. Anyway, questions.

Speaker 3:
[57:03] Sorry.

Speaker 1:
[57:04] He's a 10, but it says, if we ever break up, it's going to be you breaking up with me because I'll never break up with you. I actually, I think that's really comforting.

Speaker 4:
[57:13] Why is that a red flag?

Speaker 1:
[57:14] I don't know. Maybe like a love bombing? Like a, he's obsessive? I don't think...

Speaker 4:
[57:19] That doesn't feel like too much.

Speaker 1:
[57:20] No, I would say he's committed.

Speaker 4:
[57:23] He's a 10, but he told me he was soul tied to four women when we first started dating. That's...

Speaker 3:
[57:30] A zero?

Speaker 4:
[57:31] You gotta run.

Speaker 1:
[57:32] I'm sorry, but anyone who uses the term soul tie, you gotta run. What does that mean?

Speaker 4:
[57:38] I don't know how I've reacted person.

Speaker 1:
[57:40] I think I go, huh?

Speaker 4:
[57:43] I feel like that's beautiful.

Speaker 1:
[57:45] Bye! I love that for you, out.

Speaker 4:
[57:51] He's a 10, but he's always on his phone.

Speaker 1:
[57:53] Yeah, it's a hard one.

Speaker 4:
[57:54] He's a 10, but was still in high school at 21.

Speaker 1:
[57:57] Oh, oh, you know what, that's sad. I don't think we should laugh at that one. I think maybe he needed help.

Speaker 4:
[58:03] He needed.

Speaker 1:
[58:04] That's three extra years of high school.

Speaker 4:
[58:06] I've never known that.

Speaker 3:
[58:07] You need more information about that.

Speaker 1:
[58:08] I need a lot more information on that one.

Speaker 4:
[58:10] He's afraid to react.

Speaker 1:
[58:12] That could be like, I don't know. He's a 10, but has felony charges.

Speaker 4:
[58:20] Hey, there's plenty of face in the seat.

Speaker 1:
[58:22] Oh.

Speaker 4:
[58:27] Funny fish in the seat. You're picking someone to spend the rest of your life with.

Speaker 1:
[58:35] Only if it's true, honest life change.

Speaker 3:
[58:40] But you can get a felony from like, speeding, right?

Speaker 1:
[58:43] That's one of my red flags.

Speaker 3:
[58:45] Speeding? Speeding or a felony?

Speaker 1:
[58:51] Reckless driving.

Speaker 4:
[58:54] She said, oh, there's forgiveness. Can I say something truly honest, though?

Speaker 1:
[59:01] Yeah.

Speaker 4:
[59:02] I do feel like...

Speaker 1:
[59:04] Is he a creep?

Speaker 4:
[59:05] You guys, this is actually, I'm taking it... I know I just wheezed for about five minutes.

Speaker 1:
[59:09] Make it serious.

Speaker 4:
[59:09] I'm taking it serious for a lot. I do think a lot of what you're willing to put up with in a romantic relationship reveals how you view yourself.

Speaker 1:
[59:18] It's true.

Speaker 4:
[59:18] And so that's where I'm coming from, kind of in this... Abby has winged eyeliner now.

Speaker 1:
[59:24] Uh-oh.

Speaker 4:
[59:25] So that's why I take it kind of seriously, though, because I'm like...

Speaker 1:
[59:27] Yeah, you just do better.

Speaker 4:
[59:29] Okay, look, here I am. I feel like I view myself highly, and I think people should view themselves highly and also be someone worthy of being viewed highly. I'm not just saying have your ego through the roof.

Speaker 1:
[59:41] No.

Speaker 4:
[59:42] But I mean...

Speaker 1:
[59:43] Yeah, you can have high standards.

Speaker 4:
[59:45] Yeah, and I'm not saying you can't be friends with these people or think they're great, but you're deciding to commit your life with these people. Like, this is not light.

Speaker 1:
[59:55] Right.

Speaker 4:
[59:56] So sorry if I seem judgmental.

Speaker 1:
[59:58] No.

Speaker 4:
[59:58] But I do think girls are just also naturally more inclined to just...

Speaker 1:
[60:02] Lower their standards.

Speaker 4:
[60:03] Lower their standards.

Speaker 1:
[60:04] Yeah, they are.

Speaker 4:
[60:04] And it's like, let's keep them high.

Speaker 1:
[60:09] A pastor once said, and I love this, it was, don't shorten your standards, but lengthen your patience. Yeah. And I like that's really good.

Speaker 4:
[60:18] Okay, explain that.

Speaker 1:
[60:20] Don't lower your standards, but lengthen your patience. Don't compromise your standards just because you want to feel loved or desire really for a different marriage. Oh, yes, yes. Lengthen your patience.

Speaker 4:
[60:32] That took a little bit of loading.

Speaker 1:
[60:34] Exactly.

Speaker 4:
[60:35] Sometimes it's just so profound.

Speaker 1:
[60:37] Okay.

Speaker 4:
[60:38] There's a lot we disagree on that.

Speaker 1:
[60:41] No, you're right. I guess in my head, I'm like felony charges in the past. You know, people change. Maybe current felony charges too soon.

Speaker 4:
[60:50] Do they go away?

Speaker 1:
[60:51] Listen, I think I'm just in the church. So I'm like, you know, they could have some really good life change, but maybe heavily consider not.

Speaker 4:
[60:59] Let's just look at.

Speaker 1:
[61:01] Let's just say no, OK?

Speaker 4:
[61:02] OK.

Speaker 1:
[61:04] He's a 10, but you never know what he's thinking.

Speaker 4:
[61:06] No, clarity is kindness. He's a 10, but he's a picky eater. Honestly, that one does kind of get me.

Speaker 1:
[61:12] Sure.

Speaker 4:
[61:12] It's one of those ones that's like it's not actually there's not this isn't tied to anything deeper, but I don't like it.

Speaker 1:
[61:17] He's a 10, but he has a foot fetish. I'm sorry. Can't get on. Can't get on.

Speaker 4:
[61:23] Don't live in a warm climate. There's feet everywhere out here. Or follow our podcast. He's a 10, but doesn't have any social media.

Speaker 1:
[61:32] That's a plus.

Speaker 4:
[61:33] That's great. Green flag.

Speaker 1:
[61:34] That's great. He's a 10, but he calls my dog ugly. I mean, maybe your dog is ugly.

Speaker 4:
[61:38] Yeah, that could be totally true. I'm sorry.

Speaker 1:
[61:40] I could just be honest. Doesn't mean he doesn't love your dog, but could just be ugly.

Speaker 4:
[61:46] Could just be ugly. He's a 10, but wears women's sandals.

Speaker 1:
[61:50] I would question that one. He's a 10, but chuts down when upset. I mean, same, it's okay.

Speaker 4:
[62:00] Same, it's okay. That's not true for me. He's a 10, but uses ChatGPT. You know how we feel about that.

Speaker 1:
[62:09] He's a 10, but he wears jeans to bed. I don't even know what to think about that. I think he's a psychopath.

Speaker 4:
[62:16] That's wild.

Speaker 1:
[62:19] That's just lately wrong.

Speaker 3:
[62:21] Like to bed or for a nap? A nap is different than bed.

Speaker 4:
[62:24] No.

Speaker 3:
[62:25] I wear jeans.

Speaker 4:
[62:26] I wouldn't even nap in jeans.

Speaker 1:
[62:27] You fall asleep in your jeans?

Speaker 3:
[62:28] Yeah, like if I were like something to church on Sunday, like wore jeans and then come home and take a nap.

Speaker 1:
[62:32] Why do you take your pants off?

Speaker 3:
[62:34] I just don't. Blake gets mad at me. He's like, take them off. I'm like, no, because I don't want to put them back on.

Speaker 1:
[62:39] Would you just put on more comfortable pants?

Speaker 3:
[62:40] I just need to have comfortable jeans. Sure.

Speaker 1:
[62:43] I've never heard of such a thing.

Speaker 4:
[62:45] Matt doesn't like to get in bed with any clothes that have been outside.

Speaker 1:
[62:49] Well, he's OCD.

Speaker 3:
[62:51] There are those people, outside clothes, inside clothes.

Speaker 4:
[62:54] When I'm pregnant, I was eating in the first time, so I was eating crackers in bed, and he was really put off by it.

Speaker 1:
[63:01] I was like, I will throw up if I don't.

Speaker 4:
[63:03] He's like, there's just going to get crumbs in here.

Speaker 1:
[63:07] I get that.

Speaker 3:
[63:07] Blake's kind of like that too.

Speaker 1:
[63:08] The crumbs are uncomfy. Last one, he's a 10, but he has a Velcro wallet. I mean, it's pretty practical. It's just practical.

Speaker 4:
[63:16] What about as a duct tape wallet? Remember the one?

Speaker 3:
[63:20] People would solve it school.

Speaker 1:
[63:21] He's 12 years old.

Speaker 4:
[63:22] I purchased one at Vsense.

Speaker 1:
[63:24] I thought they were the coolest thing ever.

Speaker 4:
[63:25] Zebra print duct tape, baby. Now, that is niche.

Speaker 1:
[63:28] That's niche.

Speaker 4:
[63:31] I was like, the green flag.

Speaker 1:
[63:33] Thank you to Flamingo for sponsoring this portion of today's episode.

Speaker 4:
[63:36] You know what I hear all the time? This concept of an everything shower.

Speaker 1:
[63:39] Right.

Speaker 4:
[63:39] And I'm here to promote an everything bath.

Speaker 1:
[63:42] Oh, what up it?

Speaker 4:
[63:43] So much better. I only shower for utility. But I bathe for just a whole self care ritual.

Speaker 1:
[63:49] Oh, it's an experience.

Speaker 4:
[63:50] And I personally enjoy having really freshly soft shave legs, but shaving, that's always felt more like a chore than self care. But why? Because women's razors are cheap and flimsy. They sure are. You take your skin, they can leave redness or burns from shaving. It can be a whole nightmare. That doesn't feel like self care.

Speaker 1:
[64:08] The women who helped build Harry's found themselves rolling their eyes when other companies were just shrinking men's razors and making them pink.

Speaker 4:
[64:14] We don't need them shrunk.

Speaker 1:
[64:15] We don't need them shrunk. So they decided to shake things up. Flamingo has no pink tax pricing, no flimsy design and no irritation. Flamingo was born to give women shaving solutions made with their bodies in mind.

Speaker 4:
[64:27] Their starter set is great. It has everything you could need, whether it's time for an everything shower, and everything bath, or even if you just need to shape up your brow line, they've got a razor for you.

Speaker 1:
[64:37] For a limited time, our listeners can get the Flamingo starter set for only $7 at shopflamingo.com/abby. This set includes the Flamingo Original Razor, one five blade cartridge, a one ounce foaming shave gel, and a shower holder.

Speaker 4:
[64:50] Just head to shopflamingo.com/abby, A-B-B-Y, to claim this offer, and after your purchase, they'll ask you where you heard about them. Please, please, please support our show and tell them that we sent you. Okay, let's just be honest with you. These are red flags that our husbands just put up with.

Speaker 1:
[65:05] Well, in the Daily, probably.

Speaker 4:
[65:07] I asked Matt and he thought he was being trapped. He's like, I'm not going to answer this.

Speaker 1:
[65:13] Sorry, I can't think of that.

Speaker 4:
[65:13] I'm like, no, Matt, it's just for fun. Just tell me. And he's like, no. He wasn't even giving me any feedback. And I finally squeezed two out of him. I was like, these were good.

Speaker 1:
[65:23] What are they?

Speaker 4:
[65:24] And they're true. Hangar. She's a 10, but she's Hangar.

Speaker 1:
[65:30] You get hangry.

Speaker 4:
[65:31] I get hangry.

Speaker 1:
[65:32] Oh, sure, sure, sure. Yeah, she's a 10.

Speaker 4:
[65:35] I always tell him, I'm like, my blood sugar.

Speaker 1:
[65:38] Okay, I'm gonna be so, I'm gonna tell you something funny. When we visited you guys in Hawaii, and we stayed with you, you would be like, Matt, I'm hungry. And he would pull over so fast at such inconvenient times to get you food. And I'm like, what is going on?

Speaker 4:
[65:49] That's scary that that stood out to you.

Speaker 1:
[65:51] Cause I was like, we're like going somewhere. It was a little inconvenient. But if you said you were hungry, he would do anything to the ends of the earth to get you food, and maybe that's why.

Speaker 4:
[66:01] He's like, I'm afraid of her when she's hungry.

Speaker 1:
[66:05] Like Matt, I need to eat right now. Okay.

Speaker 4:
[66:07] You know what? I think I've learned because now I pack snacks everywhere. So maybe now Matt doesn't have to detour.

Speaker 1:
[66:13] Yeah. Yeah. That was like a phase. I feel like, so funny.

Speaker 4:
[66:16] That's a good one. That's a good one.

Speaker 1:
[66:19] I just remember it. I was like, wow, it's just like such a weird time to go get. Okay. We're going to pause.

Speaker 4:
[66:23] We're going to pull over. Everybody change your plans. Abby's hungry.

Speaker 1:
[66:26] Yeah, I was kind of like that.

Speaker 4:
[66:28] Everybody pause the diva.

Speaker 1:
[66:30] I mean, it was funny. I mean, we all got food, so it worked out, but just goofy. Okay, my first one.

Speaker 4:
[66:34] I want three meals a day.

Speaker 1:
[66:36] This one Caleb always brings up, and I'm like, this is so dumb, because this is not a big deal at all, but he thinks it's very odd. When I brush my teeth, I take my toothbrush and I wipe it dry on a hand towel. And it really freaks him out. You think that's weird?

Speaker 4:
[66:51] You put that thing in your mouth.

Speaker 1:
[66:53] Yeah.

Speaker 3:
[66:56] Do you dry the bristles?

Speaker 4:
[66:58] Who all uses this hand towel?

Speaker 1:
[67:00] Actually, I use my body towel, my shower towel.

Speaker 4:
[67:03] Abigail.

Speaker 1:
[67:03] I take it and I go, I just kind of get the wetness off. And then I pull apart my electric toothbrush and I set it on the thing and it's dry. Caleb says that's my serial killer trait.

Speaker 4:
[67:12] That's not good.

Speaker 3:
[67:14] That is a serial killer trait.

Speaker 1:
[67:15] I just like it to be dry.

Speaker 4:
[67:18] Are you going to switch toothbrushes now that you've listened to the plastic detox?

Speaker 1:
[67:22] Oh, no.

Speaker 4:
[67:23] What's the other option? Horsemane.

Speaker 5:
[67:25] Right.

Speaker 1:
[67:28] I will be scrubbing my teeth with plastic bristles.

Speaker 4:
[67:31] Anyway.

Speaker 1:
[67:32] And I will be drying it off on my towel.

Speaker 4:
[67:34] That was so neat. I hate that so much.

Speaker 1:
[67:44] I hate that so much. But I would be sad when it's gone.

Speaker 4:
[67:48] Breathe.

Speaker 1:
[67:50] Breathe. I think you're gonna pass out.

Speaker 4:
[67:52] No, it's so bad. Okay, this is another one that Matt gave me, related to getting moody. Moody when tired or don't get to go to the gym.

Speaker 1:
[68:04] That's just real life.

Speaker 4:
[68:05] I'm sorry, gosh.

Speaker 1:
[68:06] I get moody too.

Speaker 4:
[68:07] I was like, Matt, you're giving me such general ones. He's like, I am not giving you anymore. He thought I was like, trying to start a fight. So I mean, gosh, apparently I'm combative.

Speaker 1:
[68:18] This is another one. Well, Kale didn't give me this one, but I know he would say, I fold my laundry inside out. I don't care.

Speaker 4:
[68:25] That's crazy.

Speaker 1:
[68:25] I'm putting my, I'm not, if you want your laundry folded the right way out, make it the right way out when you put in the basket. You're telling me I have to wash.

Speaker 3:
[68:33] You put them on hangers inside out?

Speaker 1:
[68:35] I do everything. Yeah. If it's inside out, it's staying inside out. And you can change it when you put it on.

Speaker 4:
[68:39] See, maybe the reason is selfish. I think you're more type B than your husband.

Speaker 1:
[68:44] Yes.

Speaker 4:
[68:45] But Matt is more type B than me. So that's a scary thing.

Speaker 1:
[68:51] Oh, scary stuff. He's terrified. He's like, what shirt is that?

Speaker 4:
[68:57] No, here's my advice for someone that's living with someone that's more type B than them.

Speaker 1:
[69:00] Yeah.

Speaker 4:
[69:01] Section off the area is that you're just not gonna.

Speaker 1:
[69:03] They're gonna bother you.

Speaker 4:
[69:04] No, that you're just like, that's not my territory. And so that's our couch in our office. Not my territory. And look what happened to it. That's Matt's half of the closet, not my territory. Matt's half of the bathroom. Not my territory. And so, but the lower level is my territory. And that's where I'm like.

Speaker 3:
[69:23] The couch, how did that happen?

Speaker 1:
[69:25] I don't, I haven't seen it. Can I make it to the field trip? Please go make a field trip.

Speaker 3:
[69:30] Did he clear off the counter? Yep.

Speaker 1:
[69:34] Listen, as a Type B person, as a Type B person that keeps a very tidy house, I need like a couple spaces that are just chaos. Like I need a couple spaces where I can just be free to be me.

Speaker 3:
[69:44] I think it wasn't that bad. And then it just somehow he moved everything else that was in his space into it.

Speaker 4:
[69:49] It just keeps growing. It's a fungus.

Speaker 1:
[69:51] Don't open my drawers and don't look at my nightstand.

Speaker 3:
[69:54] Oh, my nightstand is bad.

Speaker 1:
[69:57] Yeah. We just need a space.

Speaker 3:
[69:59] Blake also won't tell me what my red flags are. And he also just said, Are you recording?

Speaker 1:
[70:05] My mom said I committed too much. I was like, well, I don't ever like I think I follow through to the detriment of my health.

Speaker 4:
[70:14] I'm curious what she's going to say.

Speaker 1:
[70:17] My red flag.

Speaker 3:
[70:18] OK, I was a picky eater. Oh, yeah.

Speaker 4:
[70:21] You're not that I mean, you're not picky anymore.

Speaker 3:
[70:23] Or is that it? Here's the thing. Is it a red flag that Blake and Abby and Lori are all very sensitive to noises?

Speaker 4:
[70:33] So is Abigail.

Speaker 3:
[70:34] Oh, you.

Speaker 1:
[70:34] Yeah, I am as well.

Speaker 3:
[70:35] I think that's a red flag on you guys.

Speaker 1:
[70:36] No, it's called mesophonia. And everyone should be.

Speaker 4:
[70:39] I literally tell Matt, I'm like, you're ADHD, I have mesophonia.

Speaker 3:
[70:42] Blake looks at me. Blake just goes, and I'm like, what did I do?

Speaker 1:
[70:47] It's just the eyes, you know? I look at Kilian, I'm like, shh, you're doing it.

Speaker 3:
[70:54] What am I doing?

Speaker 4:
[70:54] One time for New Year's resolution, I gave up telling Matt about his chewing, and it didn't last a night, but I did get a couple months in.

Speaker 1:
[71:01] Oh, that's actually really impressive.

Speaker 4:
[71:03] So much self-control.

Speaker 1:
[71:04] It is.

Speaker 4:
[71:04] But then it just came flooding back.

Speaker 1:
[71:06] Yeah, it happened so fast, and with a boiling rage.

Speaker 4:
[71:08] Okay, actually right now, I'm marking it. I'm not gonna comment on Matt's eating and see how long I can go.

Speaker 1:
[71:13] Do you want me to comment on it when he's doing it?

Speaker 4:
[71:15] Yeah.

Speaker 1:
[71:15] Okay. Oh, my last one.

Speaker 4:
[71:18] Run a tight ship.

Speaker 1:
[71:19] I run a tight ship. Have we get to a point where I just give him a look, Matt?

Speaker 4:
[71:26] You told our mother-in-law one time, and I was like, that's good.

Speaker 1:
[71:29] Well, sorry. I just like... Blake would be mad. You did it.

Speaker 4:
[71:33] I remember both times. I was like, I'm so surprised.

Speaker 1:
[71:36] It's like I wasn't gonna come bust.

Speaker 3:
[71:38] Blake won't do it to other people, but he'll tell me. He's like...

Speaker 1:
[71:41] One time, I almost... I failed a test in college one time because the person behind me was chewing gum. And I couldn't read my questions on my test. And my girl, my roommate, was like, maybe you should get extra time because you have a problem.

Speaker 4:
[71:53] You get an IEP from me, so I phoned you.

Speaker 1:
[71:54] Let's do it. Oh my gosh, yeah.

Speaker 4:
[71:57] Come on, write it up.

Speaker 1:
[71:58] Yeah, my last write up flag is that I do the silent treatment. But I had a really good self-awareness of why. So...

Speaker 4:
[72:05] Well, can I... This is my toxic trace. I think it would be an improvement if I did the silent treatment.

Speaker 1:
[72:11] We need to meet in the middle.

Speaker 4:
[72:14] I'm more of like, let me tell you something.

Speaker 1:
[72:17] I'm like, I'm not talking a word until you're ready to talk about what I'm mad about. You won't get a happy-go-lucky chirp out of me until we resolve this.

Speaker 4:
[72:29] I'm gonna work on that. I'm gonna try to end state some silent treatment.

Speaker 1:
[72:32] Yes. Okay. Okay.

Speaker 4:
[72:35] Okay. Well, let's talk about the friendship red flags.

Speaker 1:
[72:37] Yes. We're going to be a little more serious now because I think it's funny that we're talking a little bit about dating red flags and stuff, but we feel like we see a lot that you feel like we're your big sisters. And I think we had experience under our belts of ways that we can, maybe some wisdom that we can apart on people when they just have questions about friendship and marriage and dating.

Speaker 4:
[72:59] Sometimes I feel like I've had such good friends throughout my whole life that I have not a good basis on how that happened. I just feel like I just got so blessed. But one thing that I have noticed, I don't think I've ever had a friend breakup, which I'm very grateful for. But if I have distanced myself from people or if things have just fizzled out, a common one is how they talk about other people. So if you're, especially, yeah, this could mean a lot of different things, but it's more so in the area of like, I don't know, if you're willing to talk about other people behind your back, then it's pretty clear that they're willing to talk about you behind your back. And so that just automatically opens so many questions in my mind about trust, how you're viewing. It also automatically makes me self-conscious because I'm like, oh, if you're having these judgmental thoughts about somebody else, like, how are you perceiving me? And I don't like to, if any friendship makes you feel insecure, that's a red flag as well.

Speaker 1:
[74:06] Yeah, I also have that on my list. To add on to that, someone who like constantly dogs on their husband or their kids. Because I think just kind of going into that, it's like, you just want to be around people that have respect for people in their life. Because if they're talking about people that are closest to them about that, I'm sure, yeah, they're talking about you the same way.

Speaker 4:
[74:24] And they're also talking to their husband and kids potentially about you. It's just kind of like opening this whole...

Speaker 1:
[74:30] Yeah, and I also don't want to be tempted to speak poorly about my husband or my kids. And I think naturally when that's just part of the conversation, it can just naturally flow that way. And so I think it's more so, sometimes it's a boundary of myself. I just don't want to engage in that type of conversation for my own heart's sake. And so I'm not going to be around people that are super negative like that.

Speaker 4:
[74:50] That's a good one. We were actually just talking to someone this morning who said that she was told, I was told this too, like it's not gossiping if it's true.

Speaker 1:
[75:01] Where did you hear that one?

Speaker 4:
[75:03] If someone's ever told you that and you believe that-

Speaker 1:
[75:05] Is gossip only a lie?

Speaker 4:
[75:06] Let's just flag that one, that's not-

Speaker 1:
[75:08] Yeah, you only do gossip in lies.

Speaker 4:
[75:10] Right. That's not actually how it works, but-

Speaker 1:
[75:12] Right, that's good.

Speaker 4:
[75:14] What's another one you have?

Speaker 1:
[75:15] I think it's a red flag if your friend is really competitive with you.

Speaker 4:
[75:19] I was gonna say that one.

Speaker 1:
[75:20] Yeah, I just think your friendships, at least in this phase of my life, and I even think back into high school and college, I'm like, you want to be around people that are building you up, and you are able to build them up too. It's not just a one-way street. And if it's actually competitive within each other, and it's rivalry, and jealousy, and bitterness, and kind of catty, I just don't understand. That's just not a good- you don't have the right personality types to be together. And that's okay that your palette personalities don't match, and maybe you just amicably go separate ways as friends.

Speaker 4:
[75:52] That has always been something that I've always kind of attributed to me not being a competitive person. Like I don't define myself as competitive. Maybe other people think differently. I don't think I'm competitive really.

Speaker 1:
[76:01] I'm competitive about certain things, but not-

Speaker 4:
[76:04] When people were competitive with me about even things that were like harmless though, I was like, I just didn't like it that much. And so it's just a personal preference thing, but also I think that it also makes sense in the sense of I want someone that I can walk hand in hand in life with, not someone that's like we're going- I want to walk in the same direction. I don't want to go against each other. That's not fun. That's not, I don't know. That's not the picture of friendship that I have. Okay, so when I look at my friendships, there's a very common theme among all the women that I'm the closest with. And I just think that they just embody contentment in their life. And I just think that that is such a good- No matter if there's things in their life that they want to change or things that they're working on, they're honest about things that they struggle with, but there's just a peace about them, like a contentment about them. They're not like, I don't know, constantly striving for, they're hard working, but it's just hard. You can just tell when someone's heart is at peace. And I feel like that, I'm hesitant to say that that's a red flag if someone's not.

Speaker 1:
[77:07] It's just a yellow flag.

Speaker 4:
[77:09] Yeah, it's such a good, I feel like it.

Speaker 1:
[77:12] It's a green flag. It's not a yellow flag or red flag. It's a green flag if you find that in France.

Speaker 4:
[77:16] Yeah, that's my green flag. It's just like someone that is just deeply content and not constantly picking on things that they want to change, like their body or things that they want to change. And there's a healthy level of that where it's like, oh yeah, we can talk about, I'm struggling with this with my body. But there's just something about their identity that just feels so secure and content. And that is something that I benefit so much from from the women in my life. So that is like my friend green flag to share. Look for that in your friendships.

Speaker 1:
[77:43] I think contentment is contagious.

Speaker 4:
[77:45] Yes.

Speaker 1:
[77:45] If you're your friends and you're not complaining about every aspect of your life, you're gonna feel content about the things that you have too.

Speaker 4:
[77:51] So I guess I should just say the red flag is complaining.

Speaker 1:
[77:53] Complaining.

Speaker 4:
[77:53] Yeah, that's something I've walked away from things like, I didn't really have fun. What was it? And a lot of time it's that. And I don't want anyone to think that they can't talk about those things, but I do think there is just a difference between someone talking honestly about something that's just not ideal in their life, but has a heart of contentment. And then someone that's just like, just such a Debbie Downer. You're like, oh man, this is a drag today.

Speaker 1:
[78:20] Totally. My last one that I had is someone who's unforgiving. And I think that's way easier in friendships. It's easier to be unforgiving towards your friends than it is to be unforgiving in your relationships. I feel like you're always gonna forgive your boyfriend or your husband. You know, like it's much easier to forgive those types of people. But I feel like friendships necessarily, I think people hold to a harder standard sometimes, and they're not as forgiving in friendships. And I think that there is a real beauty and a real art in like letting things roll off your back when appropriate. And I think there's a beauty in art and maybe giving people the benefit of the doubt. And I also think, yeah, looking for the best in others, not always looking for like the... I just always get confused when people are like, hey, just have a, they're, oh, they actually, they were planning this. Like, when people think people are like plotting evil behind the scenes, I'm like, I don't think that's it. I think maybe you just took it the wrong way. You know what I mean? So I think just having a forgiving heart, and obviously there's boundaries within that, but I think, yeah, you want to be friends with people that are forgiving.

Speaker 4:
[79:27] Yeah.

Speaker 1:
[79:27] Cause we're not perfect.

Speaker 4:
[79:28] One more thing on friendship, so too, is that like, I feel like there's been times in my life where I felt guilty about like friendships fizzling out and something, like this is something that Matt feels a lot. And I think he would share about it too. Like he's like, I just like hate that that is like not a thing anymore. But I just have to, and like he'll continue to work for a friendship that is, okay, forgiveness is good and important. But then I'm like, the flip side of it too is like, continue to work for a friendship. I'm like, hey, when they've showed you who they are, believe them. Like if this is something that they've done, like it's like, it's okay. We don't have to hate them.

Speaker 1:
[80:00] No.

Speaker 4:
[80:00] We can only wish the best for them. But also we're going to believe them that this is like who they are. Like this is something that happened. We don't need to continue to subject ourselves to this type of thing.

Speaker 1:
[80:10] Oh, for sure.

Speaker 4:
[80:10] And I'm not referring to any thing in specific, but I feel like that's something I have to remind Matt while I'm like, if they show you who they are, believe them.

Speaker 1:
[80:16] Totally.

Speaker 4:
[80:17] And we'll just move on. We don't have to... It's totally fine.

Speaker 1:
[80:20] Totally. No, I agree. For sure.

Speaker 4:
[80:22] I agree. There's an art too of knowing like when to like just...

Speaker 1:
[80:25] Yeah. When to just let it be.

Speaker 4:
[80:27] Let it be.

Speaker 1:
[80:27] Yeah. I think too, when it comes to franchisees, you just don't always have to make it like a big old thing. No, we don't need to break up. I don't have to like send them a long text being like, this is why I don't want to be your friend anymore. We can just kind of let it be.

Speaker 4:
[80:38] Just let it be.

Speaker 1:
[80:39] Let it be. You know what I mean?

Speaker 4:
[80:41] And then we could also just assume there's probably something about me that didn't click for you.

Speaker 1:
[80:44] Right. It's okay. It's okay.

Speaker 4:
[80:47] Okay. Now moving on to dating red slash green flags.

Speaker 1:
[80:51] Okay. I only do red.

Speaker 4:
[80:53] Did you do green? I only do red.

Speaker 1:
[80:54] Sorry. We did talk about green flags at our meeting, but I did not plan anything.

Speaker 4:
[80:57] Negatives.

Speaker 1:
[80:58] Everything the opposite of this.

Speaker 4:
[80:59] Well, the green flag is the opposite. Okay. Let's just assume that.

Speaker 1:
[81:01] Let's just do that.

Speaker 4:
[81:02] I always say kind. That's always a green flag.

Speaker 1:
[81:05] Yeah.

Speaker 4:
[81:05] Kind guy. We only want nice guys.

Speaker 1:
[81:07] We want ambitious with a balanced head on their shoulders.

Speaker 4:
[81:10] There you go.

Speaker 1:
[81:12] That's so weighted. Okay. My first dating red flag. When a guy tells you exactly what you want to hear. If a guy is just fluffing you up.

Speaker 4:
[81:23] That's a good one.

Speaker 1:
[81:24] And you're relatively new in a dating, and they're just telling you everything you want to hear. I just think that's a red flag.

Speaker 4:
[81:28] That's a good one.

Speaker 1:
[81:29] Because that's a temptation, and I think it's easier. But then you're getting your hopes up.

Speaker 4:
[81:35] What if they agree with you on everything too?

Speaker 1:
[81:37] On everything. I'm like, I need you to be honest, have a little pushback. I want to know who you actually are. And also, we don't need to be, I think when they tell you everything you want to hear, or a love bomb you, or like super, I don't know, I just think your heart can get carried away. And they're not actually showing you who they are.

Speaker 4:
[81:55] Yeah, you're just like, this isn't real.

Speaker 1:
[81:57] It's manipulative.

Speaker 4:
[81:58] Yeah, that's a really good one.

Speaker 1:
[81:59] I saw it on Age of Attraction, and I was like, this man is just telling this girl everything she wants to hear, and he's not being honest.

Speaker 4:
[82:07] That is a good red flag.

Speaker 1:
[82:08] That's a big red flag for me.

Speaker 4:
[82:09] My first red flag was very not serious. It's my only serious one. I just said bad hygiene.

Speaker 1:
[82:15] Oh, I think I had that. I said doesn't wash their hands, parentheses, a slob. Bad hygiene. It's so gross.

Speaker 4:
[82:20] Come on.

Speaker 1:
[82:21] It's an egg, yeah. There was a TikTok of this girl who went on a date or was dating a guy for a little bit of period of time, and she went to his house, and he didn't have any hand soap. And she was like, hey, you're out of hand soap. And he's like, oh, I just ran out. And the next time she went back, he didn't have hand soap. And she was like, you lied about hand soap? And she didn't, she ended it. I was like, that's crazy. It was like a long story, but.

Speaker 4:
[82:44] No, then it's like, yeah, another problem of lying.

Speaker 1:
[82:46] Right, why are you lying about that?

Speaker 4:
[82:48] I just think about everything that women do for maintenance.

Speaker 1:
[82:51] Yeah.

Speaker 4:
[82:52] I'm like, give it a shower.

Speaker 1:
[82:54] Wash your hands.

Speaker 4:
[82:55] Use some deodorant.

Speaker 1:
[82:56] Yeah.

Speaker 4:
[82:56] Let's put a little gel in their hair, maybe. Like, I just, I don't know. Wash your clothes.

Speaker 1:
[83:01] Right.

Speaker 4:
[83:05] There's so many fish in the sea.

Speaker 1:
[83:06] On the flip side of that, I said a slob. Like, if you walk into a guy's apartment. Now, okay, I'm going to say there's a difference between college and, like, adult. Because I was a nasty, dirty slob in college. But I'm a very clean adult. And so if you're now an adult, young adult, mid adult, older adult, and you walk into that man's house, and that man's house is nasty, food over everywhere, leftovers, unkept. I'm not just talking, like, clothes on the floor. I'm talking nasty. Run for the hills.

Speaker 4:
[83:38] That's horrifying. I think you could hold the same standard for college as well, by the way.

Speaker 1:
[83:42] I mean, you could, but let him mature a little bit.

Speaker 4:
[83:47] Matt was out here vacuuming his dorm room rug.

Speaker 3:
[83:51] Don't ask about Blake's room.

Speaker 1:
[83:52] Caleb's room was so clean. And one time my mom came to visit, and she was like, come on, Caleb, let's clean up Abby's room. And he was so, like, annoyed. They cleaned my room.

Speaker 4:
[84:02] Matt would help me clean my room. Matt helped me with laundry in college. It was so sweet.

Speaker 1:
[84:05] That's really sweet.

Speaker 4:
[84:06] This one's really serious, honestly. I feel like judgmental saying this.

Speaker 1:
[84:11] We'll just say it. We can talk about it.

Speaker 4:
[84:12] Okay. Any type of addiction, really.

Speaker 1:
[84:15] Yeah.

Speaker 4:
[84:16] Like, I feel like you got to take that seriously. And like, obviously there's some, yeah, honestly, I got to say any type of addiction. Maybe there will be someone good to date in the future, but it's like right now, it's like, maybe we just pump the brakes.

Speaker 1:
[84:33] Yeah. If they're in the middle of an addiction, I would say, yeah, obviously, that's just, you're gonna not, I wouldn't engage in that. And also if they're freshly out of it, like you should give that person a couple seasons past their addiction. Like that person's not always gonna be a red flag, but just in that season, I think it's.

Speaker 4:
[84:49] Yeah. That wasn't a serious one.

Speaker 1:
[84:52] That's a good one. I said, relaxed on commitment. This is so serious. Like, this is probably one of my most serious ones. If you're dating someone, and they just very lackadaisical, even in the small things, like they don't want to commit to making a decision about a restaurant. They don't want to commit to plans with friends. Like maybe they'll commit to plans with you, but with other people. Maybe they don't want to commit and actually just call you their girlfriend. Maybe they don't- A job. Jobs are just non-committal. They're bouncing around from thing to thing to thing. Like, that is just such a red flag because the foundation of a marriage is commitment. And when things get hard and everyone goes through really hard things in their marriage and hard seasons, you don't want a person that's gonna be wavering on commitment. And yeah, maybe that person just needs some time to exercise the strength of committing. To the small things in life. Because that is just, oh, I don't, that's scary. If they can't commit to a person that they love to love the most or even on like small silly things, out.

Speaker 4:
[85:59] That's gotta be the golden rule of dating, honestly, from my opinion. You just said it. That was so good.

Speaker 1:
[86:03] Yeah. Commit. Commit, commit, commit.

Speaker 4:
[86:05] Yeah. What's an example, Abby, of someone that's going on a first date, that you can tell early on? Because I feel like that's one of those things that's like, you could date someone for a long time and be like, oh, is this a pattern? Because sometimes there are bigger things.

Speaker 1:
[86:20] Well, I think if they cancel the first date and they're like, hey, can we reschedule? Or they do that a couple of times, that's a yellow flag to me. If they're moving times, they're changing the plans a lot, that is a red, that's a yellow flag to me where I'm like, oh, I'm gonna-

Speaker 4:
[86:32] You're not making a priority.

Speaker 1:
[86:34] This isn't a priority and you're not, you're not a man of your word.

Speaker 4:
[86:37] Yeah.

Speaker 1:
[86:37] And I think that's a big, I mean, we talk about it a lot, but like that's a really big, that's a huge thing. Your yes needs to be a yes and your no need to be a no. And if you're someone is dating you, like you're gonna be united with this person in marriage in the long run, you have to be, you have to trust what they're gonna say and what they're gonna do. And if you can't trust what they're gonna say, they're gonna flake, they're gonna back out, they're gonna do this or that. It's bad.

Speaker 4:
[87:02] That's so good. That's so good.

Speaker 1:
[87:04] In early dating, I would think changing the plans a lot.

Speaker 4:
[87:07] That's really, really good. For me, this is such a general one. I feel like all mine are very general, but I have specific examples, I swear. This one I just said mean, if they're a mean person. Now, let me tell you this specifically, like there's going to be conflict. And I think that if there isn't that myself is a red flag in a way, now obviously, there shouldn't be explosive conflict. There shouldn't be like, I'm not saying that that's what needs to happen, but you need to resolve issues together in dating long before you get engaged. Like we need to see how you can come to a resolution like together and if that's possible, or if he's someone that's just like not gonna, you know, resolve things. But I'm specifically thinking like for me, if a guy raises their voice, that is a really big red flag, because for so many reasons, I just think being a female, like a guy yelling is so intimidating. Like that's an intimidation tactic. That's a power issue there of them like yelling at a late, like I'm like, that is just so, like I can say with comments, like if that ever happened, like that would really, really, really scare me. And that's not okay in America, that's not safe. And then think about down the line, you're gonna have children. And I actually saw this video and it was about fatherhood and they surveyed a bunch of children. And they said, what is one thing you want your dad to stop doing? It's gonna make me cry. And like almost all the kids said, I wish he didn't yell. Because there's just something about a man yelling that is just so scary.

Speaker 1:
[88:36] It is, yeah.

Speaker 4:
[88:37] And so it's like, you don't want that type of like bull in your household, like as a leader in your household too. So yeah, I say mean, but I really am specifically isolating on, if they're gonna raise their voice at you, I feel like it's like, I don't think there's any point in moving forward. Like that's like a 180.

Speaker 1:
[88:57] That's a good first sign. Because I think a lot of people, it's like, yeah, I had anger on my big list too. And I was thinking about it. I'm like, well, that's a good first sign because I think a lot of times it's like, oh, well then it escalated to them punching walls or like running out the house angry or different, being really aggressive. And it's like, well, the first sign was that they didn't speak to you kindly in conflict. And they were out of control of their emotions. And I think that's, yeah, that's a good first sign in dating if they yell at you.

Speaker 4:
[89:30] Super scary.

Speaker 1:
[89:31] Yeah, and just in general, dating should be really fun. Dating should be a really fun and happy time.

Speaker 4:
[89:36] Yeah, it shouldn't be tumultuous.

Speaker 1:
[89:37] And you're gonna, I think we're both proponents of date long, engage short. Like I think we've talked about that before.

Speaker 4:
[89:44] Yeah, I mean, for me, I don't necessarily have the same conviction on that one. But just because we knew we were gonna get engaged the whole time we were dating. So I don't feel like there was this massive shift when we got engaged.

Speaker 1:
[89:54] Sure, sure, sure. Well, I guess, okay, Caleb and I talk a lot about like...

Speaker 4:
[89:57] Date at least a year probably.

Speaker 1:
[89:58] Date at least a year. And then...

Speaker 4:
[89:59] If you start dating in high school, you need to date more than that.

Speaker 1:
[90:01] You do need to date more than that if you're in high school. You should probably wait a couple of years. But if you're like in your 20s...

Speaker 4:
[90:06] Get your prefrontal cortex a little more.

Speaker 1:
[90:07] Caleb and I think you should date at least a year, because you need to see that person a magnitude of seasons, whether that's job seasons, even weather seasons, and just the different things that come throughout a year, because you really want to see how that person handles adversity. And you don't want to jump into something and you're like, I didn't even know they responded like this because I never dated them long enough to see that.

Speaker 3:
[90:28] Yeah, one thing I was going to say about the yelling or the raising the voice or just even speaking to you unkindly in a tone that's a different way, I think your reaction after that, being able to address that and be like, that's not appropriate the way you just spoke to me or, and seeing how they react with that and like, can, do they take that kindly? And they're like, you're right, you're right. I'm really upset, but you're right that I didn't, I shouldn't have said that. And like that, how that conversation can go to. Because sometimes they come from a house, that's what they do. And they've never had an experience of someone being like, that's not, that's not right. And like giving that chance, if it's an appropriate situation, you're gonna know if it's not.

Speaker 1:
[91:12] That's really good, Abby, because I think too, yeah, like there are a lot of things that I came into marriage with and dating with that were just not healthy, but Kayla pointed them out to me, and then I made changes accordingly. So it's like all of these things, if you see it, I feel like a lot of them weren't a conversation. And then if that's not responded to well, then.

Speaker 4:
[91:28] I also do think that I totally agree, and actually that's one of mine, I said not flexible, and I'll kind of go into that a little bit, because we're like, it's so important to be a man of integrity, but also not flexible is a red flag. Well, I can kind of decipher what I mean by that, but also I will say, all of us are naturally just going to repeat what we learned, and it's not your job as the girlfriend to teach your boyfriend how to be. And in fact, that's never gonna be a healthy relationship. I think there's a place for like, hey, that's not a big thing, but they kind of have to deal with that independently, I think. I think it's a little hard to sort through those things in a dating relationship.

Speaker 1:
[92:07] I don't know. I feel like I agree with what you're saying, but also I do think the point of like dating and marriage is that we're making each other better. And so it's like, I, like, I don't have wanted Caleb to accept just all the things how I was and not have called me to be better in different areas.

Speaker 4:
[92:25] Right.

Speaker 3:
[92:25] But you're like in a relationship to be like, if I fix these things, then they're gonna be a good partner. Like, there was a boyfriend that I had and my mom was like, I'm so glad.

Speaker 1:
[92:36] You just tried to fix him.

Speaker 4:
[92:37] I did this too.

Speaker 1:
[92:37] I did this too in Dating Savior.

Speaker 3:
[92:38] Yes. I was in a relationship to try and fix him.

Speaker 1:
[92:41] Oh, sure.

Speaker 4:
[92:42] I did that too. That's where I'm speaking from.

Speaker 1:
[92:44] Yeah.

Speaker 3:
[92:44] And so it's, it's less of like, I'm trying to fix them cause they have issues rather, or rather than we're in a relationship together, building each other up to be better.

Speaker 4:
[92:54] Like he had nothing to offer me.

Speaker 3:
[92:56] Yes.

Speaker 4:
[92:56] Like it was kind of like, I feel, and I feel like girls are more likely to fall into this trap as well.

Speaker 3:
[93:00] You want to fix them.

Speaker 4:
[93:01] Dating a project and you're like, this is not my DIY. Who's got the time?

Speaker 3:
[93:08] Sure.

Speaker 4:
[93:08] And so it's like, yes, there's certain things. I think there's like, but then there's some certain weightier things where it's like, okay, like you got to get well independent of.

Speaker 1:
[93:17] Sure.

Speaker 4:
[93:18] This is not, yeah. And that's also why I put not flexible. I was about to say like resistant to counseling, but I don't think this is isolated to counseling. I'm saying like resistant to any type of feedback and making changes.

Speaker 1:
[93:30] Teachable.

Speaker 4:
[93:31] Like teachable, like someone that is like, can honestly reflect on themselves and be self aware and say like, oh, you know what? Like I'm not perfect. Like that, that's like a basic thing that they probably need to learn is that they have things to learn. And so on the flip side of that is like, I don't know, someone that like, I think something that really encouraged me in dating with Matt was like, he was super open to like having mentors, like getting into counseling and like having, inviting others into things like, and rather than like, how dare you talk about that, like with your friends, like this is like, that's like just a scary, like anyone that's willing to just like, I don't know, someone that's not flexible and so rigid in like their view of themself and like how they operate, like that is just, that is, yeah, I guess that is a deeper issue of pride.

Speaker 1:
[94:17] Yeah, totally. That's a good one Abby, I agree. Yeah, I think there's something really sexy about humility and teachability. It's like, wow, that's really, it just makes you feel respected too. It's like, oh, you actually care about what I have to say and you care about me and so you're gonna take into account the things that I have to offer or like the other people have to offer you as an advice. And I think that's a really great characteristic.

Speaker 4:
[94:39] And then you feel safe to also have humility yourself. And like it's just a much more healthy environment overall.

Speaker 1:
[94:44] For sure, for sure. My last one, this is kind of like a, I mean, it's a serious one, but it's also not so serious. No, it's serious. But someone who does unsafe driving to show off. Oh, wow. Okay, this is like a red flag. If you're driving with someone and they're driving recklessly with you in the car, they don't respect you. They don't care about your life. They have a pride issue. Or like, I don't know, I was driving behind this motorcycle, this was a couple of weeks ago. This really bugged me. And it was a guy on a motorcycle and a girl in the back and she had a helmet on and he didn't. No, neither of them had helmets on. So, okay, he didn't supply headwear. Headwear? Okay, rude. We're at a red light. He runs the red light with her on the back and zips off, like maybe going 100 miles an hour. And all I could think about to that girl, I just started praying for her. I was like, that girl. He's not keeping you safe. He is not keeping you safe. He does not care about your life. He does not respect you. Yeah. And that's like a small thing. And I, yeah, that just really bugged me. I was like, that is a red flag.

Speaker 3:
[95:46] You hate those, all those little motorcycles in this area.

Speaker 1:
[95:49] It's not motorcycle people in general. It's just these people that are really reckless.

Speaker 3:
[95:51] No, no, no, like those little, the teenager boys in this area. The e-bikes?

Speaker 1:
[95:54] Ugh, teach your little, teach your young sons with them e-bikes. Give them girl a helmet.

Speaker 4:
[96:00] I do see all of them wearing a helmet.

Speaker 1:
[96:02] Yeah, they do wear helmets, a lot of them.

Speaker 3:
[96:03] They're always doing little tricks and one-wheeling.

Speaker 1:
[96:06] Yeah, see, that doesn't bother me because I'm like, I think they're just having fun. But it's like when another person is involved. And I actually dated a guy that used to do this. I broke up with him because he drove recklessly with me in the car. It made me feel really unsafe and uncared for. It's like, why are we driving 100 miles an hour on the highway when we're 16 years old?

Speaker 4:
[96:21] I always say love is consideration.

Speaker 1:
[96:23] It is, that's really good.

Speaker 4:
[96:25] My last one is laziness, but my specific angle on laziness is if they won't plan anything. And so I feel like this is something a lot of girls, okay, they put up with in dating, and then they get married, and then they're frustrated that they're not, it's not happening.

Speaker 1:
[96:46] They're not pursued.

Speaker 4:
[96:47] You did this, is this a new thing or? Like that's the thing you kind of have to assume in dating. Whatever is going to happen, everything is going to be amplified. The good, the bad, like all these things are going to be amplified. And so I don't know, I just feel like this is such a common thing I hear in marriage that I'm like, this could, this starts back somewhere else. But if you're always like, hey, like, what are you doing this time? Like, we could go to this. Or let's, if you're always like, the one kind of leading them along. I think especially for a girl, that's no fun. And that's not gonna get better when you get married. I just gotta tell you this first and foremost. And so I do think this is something that can change. But just early on, if they're like, kind of just don't be following you around. And you're not gonna want that down the line. If you don't care, then you don't care. But if it's something you're gonna want down the line, be honest with yourself about that right now. Because it's one of those things where I'm like, well, did they ever do this? Was there ever a point in time? It's like, oh, there was this one date, this one Valentine's Day at one point. And it's like, well.

Speaker 1:
[97:56] Yeah.

Speaker 3:
[97:56] Women wanna feel pursued.

Speaker 1:
[97:57] They do, for sure.

Speaker 4:
[97:59] And so that starts.

Speaker 1:
[98:00] You gotta pick your problems, girlies.

Speaker 4:
[98:01] The beginning. So yeah, that was mine. Also, I just do wanna touch on this because I do, I wanna expand on what you said earlier. I do believe that like dating and marriage, you're supposed to build each other up. And I wanna distinguish that from what I was like talking about earlier because I was like, that I wasn't a relationship with a guy at some point, very not serious relationship. But I feel like my mom had to give me the hard advice of like, Abby, you can't date a project. And I feel like that is something that I was like, that taught me a lot about that thing because I, that it is different to date someone that also is building you up in ways and changing you and bettering you and then someone that you're just like constantly giving to and you're like, trying to be like, this is, let's do this differently. And like, let's try this. And that's just a drain and that's not, that's actually not what's happening there. You know, and it's, you both have to be keep rising together and not just trying to bring the sky up to where you are.

Speaker 1:
[99:00] Yeah. That's a good distinction.

Speaker 4:
[99:01] Yeah.

Speaker 1:
[99:02] Really good distinction. Ask, ask, ask Abby.

Speaker 5:
[99:07] Hey, ladies. My name is Kaya. I was wondering what your version of the Roman Empire is. For example, mine would be the Lacey Peterson case. I do not think her husband did it, but I would be here to hear your fanfics of the podcast. Bye.

Speaker 4:
[99:23] I'm not familiar with that case.

Speaker 1:
[99:24] I'm not familiar with that case either. I'm surprised you guys aren't.

Speaker 4:
[99:27] I also never remember the names.

Speaker 3:
[99:28] The names sounds familiar.

Speaker 4:
[99:29] If someone were to give me the details of it, I'd be like, oh yes, and then this happened. Was that a Christmas party? I remember.

Speaker 1:
[99:34] Was that the one who was a cop or something?

Speaker 3:
[99:36] No, that one is-

Speaker 4:
[99:39] We saw her in real life.

Speaker 1:
[99:40] Who? What's her name? Rebecca?

Speaker 3:
[99:42] Nope.

Speaker 4:
[99:43] I will never remember her name.

Speaker 1:
[99:44] I don't know either.

Speaker 4:
[99:45] They thought that she ran over her-

Speaker 1:
[99:48] Yeah, and they drive away. I knew her name when I saw her. At a party at night or whatever.

Speaker 4:
[99:51] We saw her in person.

Speaker 3:
[99:53] What?

Speaker 4:
[99:53] In Boston.

Speaker 1:
[99:54] What?

Speaker 4:
[99:54] When we went with CVS.

Speaker 3:
[99:55] I said, that's her, and I cannot remember her name right now.

Speaker 1:
[99:57] How do you guys know? That's crazy.

Speaker 4:
[99:59] I don't know how she-

Speaker 3:
[99:59] I don't know how I know.

Speaker 4:
[100:00] She's a genius.

Speaker 3:
[100:01] And then I looked it up, I was like, Abby.

Speaker 4:
[100:02] And it certainly was. It certainly was.

Speaker 1:
[100:04] That's crazy.

Speaker 3:
[100:05] I'm like, is this how people feel when they see celebrities?

Speaker 4:
[100:07] I got my Roanoke. You got yours? What? That's mine. Your Roanoke.

Speaker 1:
[100:13] What did you say?

Speaker 4:
[100:14] Roanoke. It's the lost colony of Roanoke. Who else is not thinking about that?

Speaker 1:
[100:18] I don't know anything about that.

Speaker 4:
[100:20] There's a lost colony.

Speaker 1:
[100:23] Tell me about it.

Speaker 4:
[100:24] So when the pilgrims came, they had a colony called Roanoke, and no one knows what happened.

Speaker 1:
[100:33] What?

Speaker 4:
[100:33] There's a lot of theories. I learned about this in second grade. I read a book about the lost colony of Roanoke, and it's just seriously opened a loop in my brain. I'm like, I can't rest until we know what happened to those people.

Speaker 1:
[100:47] Sure. My Roman Empire is also from the elementary school. Loop opened, never been shut. It's the Oregon Trail. What do you mean? What do you mean these people got on wagons and went across rivers? What do you mean?

Speaker 4:
[101:01] It's happened a few times in history.

Speaker 1:
[101:03] They did it, but what do you mean? These people just said bye to their families and to never see them again, never to know if they die on this trail. What do you mean? They came up, they just went.

Speaker 4:
[101:12] They had babies in a wagon.

Speaker 1:
[101:14] They just buried people along the road. What do you mean? What do you mean? I don't get it.

Speaker 4:
[101:18] It's unbelievable. There's a reason we were born when we were born and not born back then.

Speaker 1:
[101:23] I read a book. Do you remember that series of books, like the diary series, and it's like Little Girls of History?

Speaker 4:
[101:29] Yeah, I bet they have one on Roanoke.

Speaker 1:
[101:30] Yeah, they have one on the Oregon Trail, and it still haunts me to this day. I can picture the words in that book. I actually found it, and I brought it home with me.

Speaker 4:
[101:38] I got another one too, the Ebola virus.

Speaker 1:
[101:41] Oh my gosh, what about it? Tickles you.

Speaker 4:
[101:43] It doesn't tickle me, it terrifies me. I was in fourth grade, extremely sheltered, and they told us about the Ebola virus, and I just couldn't stop thinking about the fact that it could get me.

Speaker 1:
[101:54] Of course.

Speaker 4:
[101:55] And I mean, I watched this documentary. I was in like an accelerated learning thing, and so then they thought that they could just show us older things. But I was like, wait a minute. I might have been academically advanced, but socially, I had not seen anything but a Disney movie.

Speaker 1:
[102:12] Right.

Speaker 4:
[102:13] And then they thought it was the monkeys, so they shot monkeys in this documentary. And I literally was frozen in my seat. I thought I was going to throw up in class. And they're talking about this virus makes their organs disintegrate and come out of their eyes and nose and...

Speaker 1:
[102:26] Why were they teaching this to you?

Speaker 4:
[102:28] I don't know. My mom wrote to the teacher.

Speaker 1:
[102:29] Yeah, I think that's a little inappropriate. That's a little inappropriate.

Speaker 4:
[102:32] She was a great teacher, but I think I was just like...

Speaker 1:
[102:34] Cross the line.

Speaker 4:
[102:34] Mom, I can't sleep because they're full of viruses.

Speaker 1:
[102:39] Well, I have one similar, acid rain.

Speaker 4:
[102:41] That's spooky.

Speaker 1:
[102:43] Where is it? Is it real? I think about it often, that and flash floods. They get me.

Speaker 4:
[102:48] Flash floods get you.

Speaker 1:
[102:49] Okay, I thought my mom... Bad place to live.

Speaker 3:
[102:50] I don't think I have a single Roman Empire. You guys are saying these things.

Speaker 1:
[102:54] The flash floods will get you, because my mom my entire life was always like, they'll just come out of nowhere, just come up and get you. And I'm like, what do you mean? That doesn't happen. And then I watched videos of flash floods, and it happens like that. She ain't kidding. And now I think about it all the time. Anytime I'm around like dried rivers.

Speaker 4:
[103:10] We got to stop.

Speaker 1:
[103:11] No, what is it?

Speaker 3:
[103:12] Now I'm like, I want to tell you the details of Lacey Peterson to see if you know.

Speaker 4:
[103:15] Yeah, what is it?

Speaker 3:
[103:17] Lacey Peterson was murdered in 2002 while eight months pregnant her disappearance on Christmas Eve in the subsequent murder trial of her husband, Scott Peterson, gained international attention. Prosecutors alleged that Scott strangled Lacey and weighed her body down in San Francisco Bay with cement anchors. In 2003, Lacey's torso and remains of her unborn son washed ashore.

Speaker 4:
[103:38] Yeah, I did, I did hear this one.

Speaker 1:
[103:39] Of course he did it.

Speaker 3:
[103:40] There's so many things about it. There's like, there's a Netflix documentary, there's obviously Crime Junkie.

Speaker 4:
[103:43] She doesn't think he did it?

Speaker 3:
[103:45] Or that's a different one.

Speaker 1:
[103:46] But she does think he did it.

Speaker 3:
[103:47] No, I think she was saying she doesn't.

Speaker 1:
[103:49] Oh. Gotta be a lot of evidence against him.

Speaker 4:
[103:54] Abby's got all she needs to know.

Speaker 5:
[103:57] Hey girls, my name is Sarah, and I want to know what is the funniest thing that your kids have said to you this week?

Speaker 4:
[104:05] So many. Did I already say on the podcast, Griffin asking the employee if it was a choking hazard?

Speaker 1:
[104:10] Yeah.

Speaker 3:
[104:11] I think so.

Speaker 4:
[104:11] It was another one. I mean, Auggie keeps asking me what my breasts are.

Speaker 1:
[104:17] CJ actually too has taken interest in my boobs, and the other day he came up to me, he looked at me and goes, what those are?

Speaker 4:
[104:25] Yeah.

Speaker 1:
[104:26] And I go, they're my boobs. And he goes, Okay, you say boobs? Yeah.

Speaker 4:
[104:31] Okay.

Speaker 1:
[104:31] You say breasts?

Speaker 4:
[104:32] I did, cause I didn't know.

Speaker 1:
[104:34] I think I intermixed it. It just felt like a more casual time.

Speaker 4:
[104:38] I just didn't know what my kids just say boobs.

Speaker 1:
[104:40] And he goes, You could pop them? I said, No.

Speaker 3:
[104:44] Pop them?

Speaker 1:
[104:45] Yeah, he tried to pop them.

Speaker 3:
[104:47] He didn't try to.

Speaker 1:
[104:47] He said you could pop them. I was like, you got to be careful cause they hurt. Cause nursing, they could pop. And I was like, No, they're not going to pop.

Speaker 4:
[104:56] I don't know. They say funny things all the time. Well, actually, no, I got one. Griffin, I went to go get a protein shake. And I come back and he goes, Where were you? And I was like, I told you I was getting a shake and coming right back. I got a total of three minutes. And he goes, I thought you went to jail.

Speaker 1:
[105:13] They're so obsessed with jail.

Speaker 4:
[105:14] It's because of Peter and John. And so we've had a lot of conversations recently about jail and adults have consequences too. And then he's like, I thought you went to jail. And I said, buddy, and he goes, or I thought you got dead. And I was like, I said, buddy, it feels like you went to the worst case scenario there. And he goes, no, I didn't. You can think of something worse. So I was like, buddy, I'm so sorry I worried you. You don't have to worry about those things. Those are the things you really don't have to worry about. And then that was all he said about it. I was like, okay.

Speaker 1:
[105:48] Do you know that talking cactus thing? CJ loves it. And I think it's an only child thing right now because sometimes I think he actually thinks it's his friend. Because it does talk back. I know, but Vicky's not interacting. Yeah, yeah. And he'll put his cactus in timeout if it doesn't stop talking. He'll be like, go to timeout cactus, and he goes, he's not listening. I'm like, good, please put it away.

Speaker 4:
[106:12] Please put the thing away. Talking cactus is funny.

Speaker 3:
[106:15] On Sunday when Matt came back while we were at dinner, I go, Augie was next to me and said, look who's here. He goes, daddy, Matt.

Speaker 4:
[106:24] Matt?

Speaker 1:
[106:25] Just so you know, it's not your daddy.

Speaker 4:
[106:27] Yeah, he's like, yeah. I get confused why other people don't call me mom.

Speaker 1:
[106:32] Yeah.

Speaker 4:
[106:32] And then we had a conversation like you're, you're the only two people that are ever going to call me mom. I mean, for now. But that you're going to see are going to call me mom. And so yeah, he's like, let me clarify, don't call him dad.

Speaker 1:
[106:45] I don't want to call you guys mom and dad. Just to confuse them.

Speaker 5:
[106:48] Hi, Abby, Abby and Addie. My name is Jess and my question is, what tips do you have for raising confident kids? Either things that you do with your kids or things that your parents did with you. I've struggled with my confidence my entire life. And now that I have a daughter, I just really want to make sure I do all that I can, make sure she doesn't feel that way about herself as she grows up. Thank you for any advice you can share. Love the podcast. Bye. That's a really good question.

Speaker 4:
[107:19] I feel like there's a lot of misconceptions about confidence and thinking like confidence comes when we're good at a lot of things. But I think confidence is built when we're not good at something, and then we keep strengthen that skill. And so like with our kids, like this hasn't been a prevailing thing, but I hear a lot of other kids say it. I'm like, I can't do that or I just I don't do it. And I feel like saying, like, you can try, you can, we always say, you can do hard things. And I think that knowing that, like anticipating failure at times, and then knowing that that's not the end of the line is where, is like literally the root of confidence. And so with our kids, like with, like as they're in a perfect stage right now, where they're learning so many things for the very first time, they're in skateboarding lessons. And I'm like, I have no expectation other than that you try again, you keep trying again. And they have become very resilient in that, like knowing that like, I don't think they expect to like excel immediately because of like how much we talk about, I think it's their natural inclination too. But then also just like naturally talking all the time of like, we're just gonna try again, keep trying. And I always, always reward effort, like try to always just be like, I can tell you worked so hard on that. Or like you really like, you gave that your all, that must have been really hard, you must have wanted to quit and you just kept going. And I think that that's probably the thing that helped me growing up a lot too.

Speaker 1:
[108:48] Mm-hmm, yep, that's really good. I would say this exact same thing. Practically, this happens a lot on the playground actually. I feel like this is a really easy place to like implement those things. CJ obviously will like try the bigger ladders and if he gets scared and wants to come down, I'm like, hey buddy, you can come down. Or I don't actually let him come down, he comes on his own. I'm like, hey, we're not leaving the park until you try again. And I'll help you, if you need help, I'll help you. And I'm here to catch you if you fall, I'm not gonna let anything bad happen to you, but I know that you can do it. And we're not gonna leave until you go back and try it again. Because I think it's like letting the fear win at these young ages is important, is like a big thing that helps build their confidence that they can overcome it. And there have been a couple of times where like he's overcome, so he's been really scared and he'll do it slowly. And the whole time I'm like, hey buddy, I'm right here, like you've got it, I'm not gonna let you fall. And I'm not touching him. I'm like, I want him to do it on his own. And when he gets to the top, like you can see the pride on his face. Like he's so happy with himself. And it's so cool to see that. And now I feel like he's pretty fearless on the playgrounds and stuff, which is really fun. And then the other one is that, yeah, he started to say like, I can't do it. And I say, hey, you're not allowed to say I can't, because you can, maybe you can't do it on your own. You can say, I need help. Because it's good to ask for help if we need help, but you can do anything. You can say, Howard, to do hard things, but maybe you just need help. And so, yeah, I'm like, we don't say can't.

Speaker 4:
[110:14] I think a couple of things that you said there too that were also really good is like you expressing that you, like you as a parent expressing to your child that you have full confidence in them is huge too. And not like always coming in to just like solve their problems for them, to like make the situation like easier for them. Just like having just full confidence in them is contagious for them as well, I believe.

Speaker 1:
[110:39] Yeah, I'm below that ladder shaking, shaking. I'm terrified he's gonna fall and get hurt. But I know that if he gets to the top, he can't do it, you know? And like even if it's a little risky, I'm not gonna tell him that I'm scared.

Speaker 4:
[110:52] Yeah.

Speaker 1:
[110:52] You know, I'm gonna be there to catch him if he falls.

Speaker 4:
[110:54] Yeah, that's so good. I honestly just thought about something because I am like, maybe I am a hypocrite because I just remembered there's a really iconic memory I have with my dad in Disney World when I was like, okay, so I was, I've always been short. It's never been a thing where I was ever tall. So I hit the point where I could go on these roller coasters at an older age than everybody else, but I was still scared. And so I remember when I could go on Rockin Roller Coaster at Disney World, my dad was like, okay, like, let's go together. He waited so long. We waited in the longest line ever. Get to the very front and I see it take off.

Speaker 1:
[111:30] It's so fast, that take off.

Speaker 4:
[111:31] And I'm like, no. And there is just such a memory of my dad. He encouraged me. He's like, I know you can do it. Like, I know you can do it. I'm like, nope. And then he was like, I was just not gonna force you to do it. We got out of line, we left. That whole night, I was just sick to my stomach. I was like, I didn't do it, I didn't do it. The next day, I don't think we even had passes for that day, but he added an extra day. We went at the park opening. I told my dad, I just wish I had another chance. And he took me and we went on it four times in a row. And so, I think there's a couple of things in there too, but that was a very confidence building experience for me, but my dad also wasn't forcing it. So I think, but he had, I knew he had full belief in me. And I knew that I was safe to make my own decision. I think there's also an age thing there too. I was quite a bit older than my kids are now, but that was a good memory.

Speaker 3:
[112:27] I think that's important, too, to be able to walk away and him not make you feel bad for it.

Speaker 4:
[112:32] Yeah, that didn't break my confidence because he was so mad at me for not doing it. Because he was like, I wasn't gonna make you do something, you know. He's like, then it wasn't even you choosing to do something brave. It was you literally being forced to do it.

Speaker 1:
[112:47] Right.

Speaker 4:
[112:48] So, yeah.

Speaker 1:
[112:49] Yeah, I think there's a difference. CJ's not having a panic attack. You know what I mean? Or freaking out.

Speaker 4:
[112:54] I was like, dad.

Speaker 1:
[112:55] Yeah. Yeah. If your kid's obviously panicking, you're not gonna make him do something.

Speaker 4:
[113:00] If you're confused about what just happened right there, we have a voicemail segment, if this is your first episode. And if you want to call in, the number is 602-456-9690. And you can leave any message for us, preferably some type of question. It can be a curious, funny question about us. It can be something more serious. Anything and everything. We love to hear from you guys.

Speaker 1:
[113:21] Yeah, let's do Always Hungry.

Speaker 4:
[113:22] What do you got?

Speaker 1:
[113:23] This is a very... Sorry if you don't have a Trader Joe's by you. This is specifically a Trader Joe's recipe. It's extremely simple. You're going to cook up some rice. You're going to dice some chicken. You're going to saute your chicken in the pan, season it with salt, pepper, garlic powder. And then you're going to dump a jar of the Thai yellow curry sauce over it. And just let that simmer. You don't really need to season your chicken because that sauce is so flavorful. And you'll serve with some broccoli. And that's it. It's so easy. It's really delicious. You got your chicken, your protein, your carb, and your vegetable. And it's ready literally in like 30 minutes.

Speaker 4:
[114:02] Love that. I've never had the yellow curry sauce.

Speaker 1:
[114:05] It's really good. It's kind of spicy. It's a little warm, which I do not like spicy stuff. So if I can eat this, you guys will be fine. But it's just warming. It's really flavorful. It's a staple in our house.

Speaker 4:
[114:15] I have a really good protein shake recipe that I've been making a lot. It's like a dupe for... I shouldn't say it's a dupe. It's actually just like a higher protein version of a shamrock shake.

Speaker 1:
[114:29] Dairy Queen?

Speaker 4:
[114:30] No, from McDonald's.

Speaker 1:
[114:31] Sorry.

Speaker 4:
[114:32] Isn't that where they have shamrock shakes?

Speaker 1:
[114:33] Yeah, you're right.

Speaker 4:
[114:34] Okay, it's like a mint cookies and cream, but I really think the key is the Clean Simple Eats Mint Chocolate Protein Powder. It's actually so delicious. You open that bag and you just smell it, and you're like, that's so good stuff. And so I also use the Halo Top Protein Ice Cream and Almond Milk Ice and two Oreo Thins, and it is so delicious. Yum.

Speaker 1:
[114:54] This is like your late night treat.

Speaker 4:
[114:56] Actually, just have it after a workout.

Speaker 1:
[114:57] Perfect. Perfect ice cream and cookies. Heck yeah.

Speaker 4:
[115:01] I feel great about it.

Speaker 1:
[115:02] I love it. You guys, thank you so much for listening. If you guys could leave a comment, share the episode, subscribe, follow, download, all the things, we really appreciate it, but truly, reviews just make such a difference. BoyMamaRache said, MommaComfort Podcast 5 stars, thank you for always sharing the hope and the hard. I listened to this in the hospital when I was getting induced last week, and welcome to Healthy Baby Boy. Y'all were along for the ride. Oh my gosh, that's so sweet. Thank you for having us be a part of your, like, incredibly special moment. We are so thankful for you guys, and we appreciate you. And remember, we're always here.