transcript

Speaker 1:
[00:00] Y'all two are the only two that I know that got through fatherhood tribulations. So how do you show up as ease and really live a happy existence regardless of what happened behind you?

Speaker 2:
[00:10] There's two points. One of is vision, the idea of you could see two things in one, right? I can look at it one way and say he did da-da-da-da-da or he didn't do all these things, but then I can't leave out the fact of all the things that God covered for me. So that's one. And then the other one is the selfish aspect of it, right? I deserve a good dad. So for anybody having a tough relationship with their mom or with their father or whatever, it's like you deserve a good relationship with your parents. So go get it.

Speaker 3:
[00:35] You know, Joseph told his brothers, y'all didn't do this to me. God allowed this to happen. But that was the biggest shift for me when I read Joseph and I went to my father and was like, hey, you free, bro. This is what God is allowed to happen. And had you been there, I probably wouldn't have been this version of myself had you been in my life.

Speaker 1:
[00:50] Those are your thoughts, but correct me if I'm wrong, theologically, spiritually, but I don't think a lot of this is God's plan. And this is just Karl personally. You get what I'm saying, like God allowed it to happen. I'm saying, no, our decision sometimes will cause it, and God is so good that He still gives us ways out.

Speaker 3:
[01:28] The Secret To Success Podcast, thank you.

Speaker 1:
[01:35] What's going on, world? Welcome to another edition of The Secret To Success Podcast. I'm your host, CJ. Joined as always by the Bayesian sensation, Mr. Karl Wesley Phillips. What's going on, y'all? What it do? Douglas in the building. Douglas, what's going on, man?

Speaker 3:
[01:49] God bless, man, I'm blessed.

Speaker 1:
[01:51] And I have the distinct privilege.

Speaker 3:
[01:54] Come on.

Speaker 1:
[01:55] Let me tell you this. Ain't been an upgrade like this since. Come on.

Speaker 3:
[02:00] Come on.

Speaker 1:
[02:01] The Lakers got Luca out of nowhere. You know what I'm saying, Jess?

Speaker 3:
[02:05] Don't say Luca, though.

Speaker 1:
[02:06] All of fame, talent.

Speaker 3:
[02:08] Luca, God hurts. Don't say Luca. Give me, give me, give me LeBron.

Speaker 1:
[02:12] No, yeah, I'm just trying to be current relevant. I have my lovely wife in the building, Ms. Candice Elaine Quinney.

Speaker 2:
[02:23] Come on, middle name.

Speaker 1:
[02:24] Yeah. How are you, dear?

Speaker 2:
[02:25] I'm amazing. I don't think I can get any better today.

Speaker 1:
[02:28] Come on. Thank you for joining us. We're going to host 1%. Obviously, man, there was a lot going on, and I'll start with you, of course, being our non-resident member. So, as it pertains to 1%, how does it feel being married to such an amazing-

Speaker 3:
[02:50] Come on, now. Let's just start there.

Speaker 1:
[02:53] I don't know if you know what I'm talking about. But tell the world what it's like just being married to me. Let them know. That is the 1%.

Speaker 3:
[03:06] That is, I mean, that's it.

Speaker 1:
[03:08] I mean, bruh, the 1% of the 1%.

Speaker 3:
[03:11] We can finish after you ask, Candis, we can just walk off.

Speaker 1:
[03:14] Yeah, yeah, that's it.

Speaker 3:
[03:15] The podcast is done.

Speaker 1:
[03:18] Man, obviously, shout out to everybody who came out to the 1% conference. Incredible. I told y'all it was going to be one of those life-changing conferences. I told you it was going to be one of those life-changing moments. And it was, man, from the presenters to the energy in the room, to the music, to the trivia, to just everything you can imagine. The host, shout out to Nick, you know what I mean? Dave, just, I mean, an incredible time, man. And, you know, for me, I guess everybody can go around and just give their takeaways before we get into today's hookup. But for me to take away is just like, you know, being able to do this work, you know, I think we had a worship the other day, I testified it just with your people, you know what I'm saying? Like you don't got to call, you know what I'm saying? Like around the world and, you know, try to find every celebrity known to mankind. We did this with people we have relationships with, you know, and so that's all I really want to do. You know, we talk about all the time, you know, just building your own table. And, you know, while I was there, I was just like, wow, you know, we keep doing this. And, you know, shout out to everybody who came. Y'all show up, y'all energy, just being a part of the movement was incredible. So for me, man, just seeing, you know, the guy work, seeing, you know, us put the play together, but especially in this day and age, it's not easy to do live events. Y'all see people doing live events, man, pray for them. Because it's more than meets the eye. You know what I'm saying? It's not just like, oh, get a venue and everybody pull up and sell some tickets and go. It's like, bro, it's so much that goes into it, you know, months prior, you know, the day of, the logistics, y'all don't know about, you know, parking and somebody had an issue with a ticket not scanning. Bro, we didn't had times when the whole ticket scan thing just went down. You know, the internet, you know, was working fine on the three checks we did prior to, and something's always gonna happen. But I believe when you operate in the spirit of God and the spirit of integrity and all of those things, it's gonna work out, man. And, you know, everything worked out. And so, man, grateful, grateful, grateful, happy. You know, it's one of them things where you happy that it's over too, you know what I mean? You just kind of feel like you can woo-sah a little bit. But for me, that was it, man. So I don't know what you think.

Speaker 3:
[05:42] Yeah, I want to say what mine is, but I also want to talk about my personal growth. Because if you do the work right, not only are people changed, but you're changed. You know what I'm saying? So if you're in the conference business and the conference is over, and you didn't change, you did the conference wrong. Like you did it for money, you know what I'm saying? Or you did it for, you know, the spirit of desperation, you know, whatever. If you're trying to be seen, I don't know. But at the end of the day, you should be changed. And the thing that changed me the most was the process leading up to it. Just working with D. You know what I'm saying? Which first and foremost, you know, I have to give God glory. I think sometimes we pray for stuff and we like plead to God and we just like God help. And then when God does it, it's kind of like, I'm not going to say you forget it, it's like, ah, whatever. Like I knew he was going to do that. I knew it was like, don't do that. And there was a time where I wanted DeDe to be involved in the work, in the way she's involved in the work. At a time she was just like, yo, I'm not trying to be funny. I'm a nurse. Like you went to college. I went to college. Like I ain't go to college to be. I didn't take a class and support ET. You know what I'm saying? She's like, I didn't do that. Like I went to college to be a nurse. You know what I'm saying? And I love what I do. So I have nothing against what you do. But like you didn't go to school to support DeDe as a nurse and you ain't never been in my job before. You know what I'm saying? So I want exactly what you wanted. Like you wanted to do this. I wanted to do that. And I just felt like, and mine wasn't even on no like, I see other pastors with they, wow, that wasn't my thing. My thing was like, yo, with the level of intensity that you have and that eye that you have, when trash on the floor, when you walk in the church and you notice something wrong, again, this don't got nothing to do with nothing, bro. But like, I'm just saying like, DeDe has an eye. She catches stuff that most people don't catch. I'll give y'all an example.

Speaker 1:
[07:45] I saw you post that video of my man wiping down the counters and then his wife.

Speaker 3:
[07:49] Oh yeah, yeah, you saw that? Oh man.

Speaker 1:
[07:51] His wife came behind him, wiped the same spot, my man was like, what's going on?

Speaker 3:
[07:55] I just did that. She was like, thank you.

Speaker 1:
[07:57] Yeah.

Speaker 3:
[07:57] My man was hurt, she was like, thank you. I appreciate that.

Speaker 1:
[08:00] He don't post, repost nothing. He repost it down like, whoever my man is, I feel you, bruh. I feel you, bruh.

Speaker 3:
[08:05] And then the one where my man caught everything before she. But when the Dallas situation was going on, you know, I was locked in, bruh. Like, we was going to the hospital, whatever. DeDe was like that.

Speaker 1:
[08:16] But you want to explain. Like I said, get contacts.

Speaker 3:
[08:18] Oh, I'm sorry. So for those of you.

Speaker 1:
[08:19] Yeah, they may not know.

Speaker 3:
[08:20] Oh, they may not know. Oh, okay. Y'all better be at APOC. I hope y'all ain't watching the podcast. Y'all at APOC. But anyway, we have a kid in our church, one year old, who has kidney failure, right? And so as a church, we rallied around, you know, the mom, you know, raised some funds at the hospital. You know, she can't work, of course, because she had to be in hospital full time. Unfortunately, it didn't work the way I wanted it to work. He did have to do dialysis and then went from getting the surgery to get the equipment to do it to, that didn't work. And then he had to get an NG tube in his throat, you know, to eat. It's just been crazy. Then he had stomach problems. Just crazy. So we- Yeah, one, bro. Yeah, one. So we just, we like, we was on top making sure mom was straight, she was straight. Just DeDe's eye. And DeDe was like, whoa, ain't nobody checking on Donovan. DeDe was like, yo, Donovan has had some changes too. Like, you know what I'm saying? Like his mom is gone 24 seven, his little brother's sick. He got a newborn that's all over the place. Like he has no stability. You know what I'm saying? He has no consistency. And that's what I mean by, I wasn't like, I want her there cause she my wife. Like she has an eye. She sees things that people don't see. And so we picked Donovan up at the school the other day. And I just watched her like treating him like he was jailing. You know what I'm saying? And when got him something to eat, went to the store and got him clothes. And it was like, bro, he was just like on a high. Stuff for me, that's like my kids, they whole life, if they need clothes, they get clothes. You know what I'm saying? Like it ain't no, and so I think they might-

Speaker 1:
[09:45] They might piss me off.

Speaker 3:
[09:46] Yeah, they might take it. They might be taking it for granted.

Speaker 1:
[09:49] I told y'all, I went to the mall and was trying to buy Trey's shoes and he just had no energy. And I told you, I had to apologize to him. I was like, okay, I'm making my sixth, seventh grade like I wanted them. Ah, bruh, let my dad be like, all right, we at the mall, what you want? Get what you want. I promise you, Trey like-

Speaker 3:
[10:09] I had the time of my life when I went shopping.

Speaker 1:
[10:12] It also got something to do with you had a different type of school. Cause at my school, you was got a class on it. They was gonna roast you to death if you had on some skitties. But yeah, that ain't every house.

Speaker 3:
[10:26] They probably wear skitties where he-

Speaker 1:
[10:28] No, what I'm saying, no, like they got- It was funny cause Trey was just talking to me about my niece and he was like, bruh, we bought her like some new Air Maxes. She want to wear her dirty Air Force Ones every day. Like that's they thing.

Speaker 3:
[10:40] That's they thing, bruh.

Speaker 1:
[10:41] So yeah, it's just a different life, but-

Speaker 3:
[10:43] Yeah, but to your point too, like they been blessed and they don't know. So we went and got him some gear, bruh, and it was like he got a pair of pants and DeDe was like, well, I told him, he had got these black pants. I was like, you like them? He's like, yeah. I was like, bruh, I ain't trying to be funny. Get two. Like if you like them, you're going to be washing them. Then you can have a pair where you- You know what I'm saying? I'm like that. I don't know if you pay attention to me, but I black short out, you know what I'm saying?

Speaker 1:
[11:05] So wherever I go and they got long black shorts. Hey, somebody asked me the other day, how many UO U shirts do you got?

Speaker 3:
[11:12] Probably 12. Yeah, I got 12 and I rotate them out. I just rotate them out.

Speaker 1:
[11:17] How many hats? Cause they go longer than the shirt.

Speaker 3:
[11:20] I don't got a lot, believe it or not.

Speaker 1:
[11:22] But you know what's so funny?

Speaker 3:
[11:23] When Josh got them for me, I ain't got no U's in a while.

Speaker 1:
[11:24] But you know what's so funny? We don't sell that hat. Do you know how many people on the street level ask me about when we come out with it?

Speaker 3:
[11:30] I see a dude make a fake one.

Speaker 1:
[11:32] Yeah, no, no, no. No, no, no. Dude, literally just the other day, dude was like, yo, I'll pay whatever, bro. I want one of them. He was like, I can't find it nowhere.

Speaker 3:
[11:38] Isn't that crazy that we never sold it?

Speaker 1:
[11:40] I was like, no.

Speaker 2:
[11:40] That color. That's just that color.

Speaker 4:
[11:43] Okay, yeah.

Speaker 3:
[11:44] The black one, red and whatever, like whatever. But this one.

Speaker 2:
[11:47] That's his color.

Speaker 3:
[11:47] Yeah, we ain't never. But we gonna come out though with it. I ain't mad. I don't know why we didn't do it in the beginning, but yeah.

Speaker 1:
[11:54] It's so funny because I take Ciara too. I was like, I don't know, we don't sell that one. I'm like, and she was like, man, dude was like, I need that hat, bruh.

Speaker 3:
[12:04] I bet you if they wear it though, people gonna see some people be thinking, that's ET.

Speaker 1:
[12:08] Such a classic.

Speaker 3:
[12:09] Everybody got it. But yeah, I told him to get two. He got some shoes. He was like, yo, get two pairs of shoes. And he was like, blew out the frame, right? And so you could tell DeDe, you know, DeDe, she a pilot too, bruh. So she got the bag. I'm like, girl, let the boy carry the badge. Like, that's a lot of stuff. I was like, that's a part of the swag. You feel me, you walking through the mall.

Speaker 1:
[12:33] I'm like, go get this pic so I can post it on IG right now.

Speaker 3:
[12:37] And DeDe did, he asked, and DeDe got the pic. And then Camille called, which is the other part, why I'm saying, like, whatever your gifts are, you gotta use your gifts and you gotta use them for the kingdom because it shows other people. You know, and Camille called DeDe and was like, hey, for real, thanks. Like, first of all, you're the first lady, and you didn't give me money. Like, you physically went with them. You know what I'm saying? Like, you physically went to the grocery store, I mean, to the mall. You went and got him something to eat. And so DeDe's so sick with it, we picked him up from school, got him something to eat. On the way to the crib, DeDe's like, what you want to eat?

Speaker 4:
[13:08] And I was like, he already ate.

Speaker 3:
[13:09] But she like, hey, you know Jalen, Jalen ate once a day. And so I just saw the motherly boy on him and she even got on me. That's what I said, bro. It's like, you gotta be around people, bro. She was like, hey, you're not with Donovan every day. Get off your phone. And I was like, okay, I'm just used to taking care of business. And she's like, no, put your phone away.

Speaker 1:
[13:28] I'm going to throw my phone in the trash, bro. And you know what? You need it for business. But I just realized this don't have nothing to do with nothing. Y'all keep y'all trying to talk about it. I just want to say this. Bro, I got too much access. So like me and my mom and Candice watching the movie the other day, and it's like every actor you see, you're like, what was they in? And I'd like be on my phone during the movie, just looking up what show they was in before, and I'd pause it and be like, hey, they was in Breaking Bad. You're like, dang, you know what I'm saying? You can't eat. You know, so I'm just like, you know what? You really do gotta be disciplined, and it's not even like death scrolling and nothing like that. You just got too much access to too much. Like we watching any type of show, you wanna Google, oh, this fact, this happened. Oh, when was the moon landing? Let me go check it right now. I gotta see when the exact, and I'm like, yo, you know what I was thinking? I was like, back in the day, arguments was so much better, bruh.

Speaker 2:
[14:25] Cause you can't, you can't, you can't. Ain't nobody can fact check, you just had to persuade.

Speaker 1:
[14:29] Think about it, back before the internet, we used to have arguments about like, anything. Magic, Jordan. You was just going off the top of the dome.

Speaker 2:
[14:38] The games you remember.

Speaker 1:
[14:39] When you thought Mike won the scoring championship. You were like, no, it's 95. You're like, no, it's not, bruh. And it was no way to really go find out. Now everything Google, Google just popped to you. Like, I don't even want to argue no more. So more the only person who argue with Google. More the only one who could argue Google. It ain't accurate. Shout out to more men. 95 Millionaire. We'd like you ain't here.

Speaker 2:
[15:02] No, but challenge. Like I've been doing once a weekend or like maybe two or twice a month. I've been doing no phone 24 hours. Like put my phone down and I don't pick it up into the next.

Speaker 1:
[15:15] Hey, well fair enough, she'd be picking up my phone.

Speaker 2:
[15:19] No, I don't.

Speaker 3:
[15:20] No, I don't.

Speaker 2:
[15:21] But it's been amazing. But you realize like how bad it is. You always grab me for your phone. I'm like even in little transitions, like we're hanging out as a family. All right, CJ just went in the kitchen to get something. Avery went here and I'm sitting on the couch and I'm like, where's my phone? Like I don't have anything to do for this one minute by myself. And it's been amazing.

Speaker 1:
[15:40] I'm telling y'all, let it go. You unlock your door with your phone. Like you unlock it, let it go y'all. I don't even care. I don't even care my wallet like that no more. I got my ID, my pass, but I got all this stuff on my phone. And I'm like, you know, I know you technically supposed to carry your ID still. I'm like, bro, here go my ID, run it, bro. What you going to do? You know what I'm saying? So I literally will forget my wallet 99% of the time.

Speaker 2:
[16:03] And keys, because our car is on our phone too. Our car access, there's no, it's all our phone.

Speaker 1:
[16:09] We don't got no keys. You control your heat, your lights. Just think about it. Everything is on your phone, your Delta app, your board and everything. Everything, dog. So it's very hard to, yeah.

Speaker 2:
[16:20] You got to have a detox one day for your brain, at least once or twice a month. Detox.

Speaker 1:
[16:26] I'm getting back to your original question, man. In terms of the conference, the thing that got me is, I'll say like this, the commonality of humanity, right? Like the deep thing for me is that you had all these speakers from all over the place, all different experiences, but what does everybody want to get to? Basically, the five pillars. You know what I'm saying? We all want a good spiritual relationship with God. We all want faith, family. I'll get the pillars, but it's like, you're looking around the room, white, black, like I'm talking about Hispanic. Like you see everybody, but like, yo, we're there all for that same thing. Like think a trap, his experience, bro. But think a trap now. You know what I'm saying? And being able to show people like, hey, I don't care where you start. It is completely irrelevant where you start. So like you said, E, I'm walking away from, there's still parts of me, it's like, yo, you that little kid from Barbados. You know what I'm saying? Like that's a real thing. And I go back to Barbados every year. So like that, there's a part of that, that's still just kind of, you know, there's a little piece of it there, but it's like, I don't care where you come from. You know what I'm saying? The commonality that we all have is like, yo, we all want to be loved. We all want to feel like we've done something to change the world, and to just see people on one accord. That's something that we talk about, like the same goals and visions. Like that was powerful, man.

Speaker 2:
[17:38] Yeah, no, for me, the biggest part for the women is just the commitment to not to settle any longer. That, for the last year, my heart has literally been breaking. Like we need to off ramp. Like we have made it so far, but yet we have all the things, right? But we are not enjoying it. So for me, it was beautiful to see a mass group of women committing to each other, committing to themselves. Like, you know what? We're doing life different. We don't know fully every little details, but we know that this way doesn't work anymore. And we're committed to making whatever adjustments that need to be made to do that. So it's just that spirit to not settle, to do life. That is really what the 1% is about, is doing life on your own terms. Not settling, not looking at your reality and just accepting it. Saying, I don't care what the situation is, I'm doing something different. I'm going to have a different experience and being committed to that. And I felt that that weight come off, those breakthroughs happening, those mental locks unlocking so that we can just do it. So I'm excited. And my biggest thing, my biggest takeaway is it's not over.

Speaker 1:
[18:50] Yeah.

Speaker 2:
[18:51] It's not over. That's the main thing for me was like, hey, going into it, in it, after it is like, hey, we're still in this movement. It's not, it wasn't just a moment. So if you missed it, you need to figure out a way to get on the train because we're still going.

Speaker 3:
[19:05] There's no question. It's still going.

Speaker 1:
[19:07] Yeah. So, and the one thing I'm proud of you about is like, and I'm just going to brag to my wife and then I'm going to set up, Ian, Candice and Karl, we can get the blank out the way. But here's the thing. I've been trying to tell my wife, like, you're really healed. You know, like, those of y'all who don't know, of course, you know, mother, you know, on drugs and, you know, taking from her mom, brother and sister sent to foster care, her going like, and then not only achieving what you achieve, right? That's one thing to go like, all right, cool, I'm going to be valedictorian, get this full ride, get the corporate, get the job, get the husband, all of those things, but you can still get all of those things and be broke. And so, it's funny because as y'all know, we talked about this on the pod before, so I'm not rehashing anything old, but as she's coming to this season where she's teaching and leading women and all of those things, there was this energy of like, I'm younger than them and kind of like us. Yeah, but I felt like she was purposely dimming her light to be like, I don't wanna, and I'm like, I don't care how old you are, you got the truth. You know what I mean? And so, it was always like, oh, I got a speaker, I got a keynote, I got a, and it was like, we were going through so many of the technical things that I was just like, I had to sit her down and I was like, yo, stop. I'm like, why are you doing all of that? Like, when, again, I hear you on the phone with the ladies in the church or on your calls, I don't see you stopping when homegirl call you and she going through it to go, hold on, let me look at my notes and tell you what to say. You know, it's in you, cause you lived it and you got through it, your responsibility is to teach it back. And so when I look at you, especially you in the mall or whatever, and I brought y'all into this because you do have the truth. I'm like, more, I don't care if you can speak or not, you built multi-million dollar businesses that you're able to support your entire family with. Do you know how many men want to do that? To my wife, you went through traumatic things as a child that most people don't get through. You have to explain the truth behind. I don't care if you do it in a format of a speech. My first point to you is, no, talk to them and tell them. One of the things that E has been preaching about, getting in the right seat obviously with the flight hook up, and then you being on E's. I'll let you explain what E's is, but I tell people for real, unfortunately, y'all two are the only two that I know that got through specifically fatherhood tribulations, like people who really, and I'm talking about like truly have the victory, right? And I told y'all that. And one of the things that, when I was talking to Candice about like, yo, what's your, like E got his thing, right? You owe you, greatness is upon you. Like these are challenges, like things that he lives. And we landed on E's with you, and you preached about it as well, but like when you yoke up with Jesus, it should be easy. But yet when we look online and we look at people, it's like you warn every day, like you warn every day you wake up and the devil on you. Like that's a problem. But it's because of unresolved things. And so I'll let each one of you go and really talk about, like again, shout out to your father now. And I know y'all working on your relationship, whatever, but I'm just saying like, it really, you not really at the crib going through it about what happened about your mom not telling you who your real father, like it's not still on you. So how do you get through, how do you make it to ease? Where you like, again, it don't mean your life gonna be perfect. You're gonna have situations, you know, we dealt with stuff with bull, which was heavy and stuff like that, you gonna go through those moments. But how do you show up as ease and yoke up with Christ, like you said, and really live a happy existence regardless of what happened behind you? Cause you said it, you get to the money or you get to whatever and you look up and you go, I'm still not fulfilled because you got this gorilla on your back. So I don't know who wants to start it off. But I feel like y'all two are unique. Karl, we grew up with Picket Fence. From Tubble, Picket Fence. Karl Fence at the house right now. Right now. My people at the crib, you know, doing fine. It's like, you know, so again, y'all just going through a guy, really allowing y'all to go through what y'all went through. And y'all really not looking like it. And y'all really not acting like it. You know what I'm saying? So it's like, again, we talked to somebody who, unfortunately, they like, yo, I could have been, I ain't had no dad. So I'm like, bro, you 40. You know what I'm saying? So, however y'all want to play it, but I want y'all to start speaking to that.

Speaker 2:
[24:14] Yeah, I'll kick us off. So-

Speaker 1:
[24:15] And teach, dear. Teach.

Speaker 2:
[24:17] Yes. So this is, there's two points. They hold me accountable, Karl. One of is vision. You know, the idea of you could see two things in one, right? So that's one. And the other one is just the selfish aspect of it. Right? And both of them have an element. So y'all remember when we were at MSU, and I don't know who brought in these books of like the optical illusions, right? Of like, you can see, like, if you look, it's just like a pattern, or it might be one thing, but if you look hard enough, you look right enough, you cock your head, you squint your eye, you blur your vision, and you can see something that's way more beautiful. So for me, when it comes, when it came to my life, right, and I'm not even going to just talk about my dad, but it's like, yeah, I might have been going through a lot when it comes to my dad, a lot of resentment, bitterness, the fact that I felt like he didn't show up. I felt like he had a warped sense of reality. He thought he was the best dad because I just knew him. Like, some of my siblings, they don't even know who their father is. So the fact that I knew him, it was like, I'm the father of the year just because you've seen me before. And I'm like, that is not the standard, you know? And so that was just a spirit of frustration for me. But when I got to the point in my life where I really needed to forgive my father, I had to look around and say, Candice, everything that you thought you missed, God made up for it. So how can you even be mad at me? Because I did put that uncle in your life. I did put this person in your life to maybe cover, not maybe cover, actually cover certain things, whether it's exposure, whether it's support. And they might not have, I didn't grow up with them, but I saw them in all those little inserts, meaning E, when I was in college, certain things, it's like every single thing that I looked at, as it was like, oh, it was a gap. Oh, you can't help me. It stung when I asked my dad, dad, I haven't asked you for anything. I know I'm going to college. Yes, I have some scholarships, but I still need the tangible things. I need to get up to the school. I need to drive to Michigan State. I need to stuff for my dorm. And he was basically like, I'm good. And it's one thing to ask somebody when you know they don't got it. Like my mom is like, hey, she's going to do everything she got. But if she don't got it, she don't got it. But to ask somebody and they do have it and they say no to you, that's just like sick. I was just like, wow, I've done all this stuff. So I was extremely hurt. And when God sat me down, it was like, girl, you had a full ride. You got paid to go to school. You got refunds. So how are you going to be mad at that man when I made sure everything was covered for you? So for me, it goes back to the optical illusion. Yes, I can look at it one way and say he did or he didn't do all these things. But then I have to also I can't leave out the fact of all the things that God covered for me that I, you know, so to me, that took the sting out of it and made me see like, hey, you are still good if you look at the facts of the situation. Now you can choose victim. You can choose lack, but you were blessed in that, in those moments. So I would think that was one of them. One of the big pieces for me. The second piece, going back to the spirit of selfishness, but I deserve a good dad. I deserve a good dad. I don't care what type of dad I had. I deserve a good dad. And I deserve to be in relationship with a good father. And so when I was, we were getting ready to get married, yes, I said, I forgive him. I'm letting it go, but I had to really walk in that forgiveness by letting him walk me down the aisle. And Danita, shout out to Danita in just our community. She was a hairdresser at that time and she was doing my hair. And she knew I was struggling with the decision of, you struggling, like it's your wedding, you're not happy. Like what's going on? What's on your heart? And I was like, my dad, I gotta let him walk me down the aisle. You know, like I'm not, he don't deserve that honor. You know what I mean? Like my mom should be walking me down the aisle. She was there for me. And then it just looked at me and she was just like, Candice, well, do you want a good relationship with your father? And I was like, is it a trick question? Like, and he's like, I'm like, okay, yes. You know, like if I'm honest, yes, I want a good relationship with my dad. And she was just like, well, then go get it. And I was like, all right. Like, and it was that simple. The takeaway that I got from that moment was move as if you already have it. Know in this moment, before you walk down the aisle, you don't have a good relationship with your dad. But you can make a choice on today to build that relationship and move as if it's already there. So call him, talk to him, text him, show up for him. And when I tell you, I went from, yes, forgiving him, giving him that opportunity, but to literally having a great relationship with him. Like, we would be on the phone, on my way to work, on my way home, cracking jokes, talking, things that used to trigger me, didn't even like. We would be laughing about them. And I was just like, wow. You know what I mean? And so for me, it was, for anybody having a relationship or a tough relationship with their mom or with their father or whatever, it's like, you deserve a good relationship with your parent. So go get it. You deserve it. And whatever happened in the past, you're just going to have to let that go so that you can walk into the beauty that you deserve right now. So that was my experience with forgiveness and just going after the life that you want.

Speaker 1:
[29:40] Yeah, but there's a major point and part that you missed because you went to him to have this conversation because of what I told you, right? That anytime I would bring up her dad, it was this like, it was like a switch. You could see. Bro, it was weird. It was range. She might have cussed like, and I was like, dang, like, you know, it was like a very like edgy and I was like, yo, before we get married, you might need to fix this because this might manifest in other ways. I want you all to hear what I'm saying when you talk about like, man, this is one of the crazy, again, when you talk about the level of maturity and I know I'm bragging on my wife, but I was like, you just need to talk to him. Now, you're thinking based on what she said, she wouldn't have that talk and he was like, oh, my bad, you know, we...

Speaker 2:
[30:38] I had receipts, Karl.

Speaker 1:
[30:39] She went to confront him about... See, and again, you don't hear it, you got to tell the truth. When she was asking him for money for college, he was like, I had to buy my girlfriend a car. Like, right? That's what he said to you.

Speaker 2:
[30:54] No, it was, my girlfriend is going to school now, so I need to fund her education, not yours. Girlfriend, not wife, just to clarify.

Speaker 1:
[31:03] He was being honest. No, I want y'all to hear it.

Speaker 3:
[31:06] I'm telling him his reality.

Speaker 1:
[31:07] He was like, bruh, I can't help you go to school, my girlfriend going to school, so I got to pay for her. One. Two, when you finally say, I'm tired of the fake surface, like call you every three weeks and talk to you for five, then we had the conversation and his answer for why he wasn't a good father was because her father was much older. By the time you came around, I was done raising kids. So that's the answer she got. The thing that I think is so dope about both of y'all stories is like, God allowed y'all to go through wild stuff in order to be in the position where you can teach, right? Like, bruh, I teach branding, I teach, you know, how to get to the bag, all of that. You're talking about, bruh, I told you, God will it. I ain't trying to work through nothing. God is blessed. I say it all the time, bruh. You know what I'm saying? Keep it. Bruh, my parents are still married. They phenomenal. Dog, my kids is healthy. I got a beautiful wife. God, I don't want no strife. None of that small. But I'm saying, so I want you to imagine that. You get ready to go to college. I can't help you with college. I'm helping my girlfriend. Okay, dad, let's talk about what happened. You wasn't there for me. By the time you came around, I was done having kids. And she still, and many of you know, her father later was tragically murdered and shot and killed in Detroit. But before that, she ended up still through all of that, getting that relationship back. So not a lot of you, level one would have been, yo, let's talk about what happened. He said, you know what, my bad. I was tripping back then. I was going through some stuff. I wasn't myself and I apologize. You could get your relationship back under that circumstance. Can you get your relationship back when it still don't look and feel the way it's supposed to look? And so that's why I tell my wife, bro, what are we talking about? We're talking about a keynote. Like your life is the keynote. We're talking about, oh, how did I structure my phase two? If you don't put them scriptures up on the screen that helped you get through these moments and tell these women how you truly got to the other side in terms of healing. And I'm not talking about fake healing. I'm talking about my wife really good. And there's so much more. So that's why I told y'all on the pod even, I don't want my wife on social media doing stuff and having to critique her message. That's not what I wanted, but it's what God wanted because of what you've been through and the victories that you have. And E, I tell you all the time, like, it's not on you. And both of y'all said, we said it on the line the other day, but you can't always hit the parent lottery, but everybody hit the God lottery. And y'all acted as such. And I know you got phenomenal parents and you got phenomenal parents, you know, now, you know what I'm saying? But there was a time when it wasn't like that. And so many people, again, they go through these traumatic situations. And like I said, my man, 40, and he's still blaming his lack of success or lack of whatever on that. And I'm like, yo, you're right. And I'm not uniquely qualified to talk to you about that because I got a daddy and he is phenomenal. But y'all can talk more to the pain of whatever. So Eve, for you, talk us through for real, helping people get on. And that's what the conference is about. Coming in, repairing what's broken, and then hitting that next level in that new season of yourself. I always say, the best version of yourself is enough. The broken version is not. The angry version is not. The bitter resentment, woe it's me version is not. But the yoked up with Christ version of your best self is capable of whatever you think it's capable of. So Eve.

Speaker 3:
[34:57] Yeah, well I do want to say this, because it was funny, I was talking to a kid yesterday that I was training, he's in the speaking world and really, he really like third generation. And so he was kind of like, where you are Candice, like trying to figure out his angle. You know what I'm saying? I was like, bruh, listen to me, when you're dealing with humans, you got to do two things. One, you have to tell them the best you've ever been. Because everybody wants to get somewhere. So whatever your highest high is, you was on the road to the final four in your 20s. Like you need to start there. Most kids trying to hoop and you did that, right? You sold, you 20 something with multiple real estate properties. I'm like, bruh, most grown people don't got properties, bruh. And didn't get them until they was grown. You in your 20s doing that. So that's where you gotta start. And I said, but then you also have to tell them your struggle. Because nobody wants to hear from you when they think you got it going on. Not that they mad at your success, but it's out of reach for them. You feel me? So it's like, yo, I'm not, I told them, if you just talk about road to the Final Four and these houses you got, you good. But nobody's going to follow you. So if you're trying to do content to train and help people, you got to tell them the highest you ever been and the lowest you ever been. Because that's what's going, the hope of I could get there, but the hope of where I'm at. So CJ said something, I was like, it's funny. Like I'm at a place when you've gone through what we've gone through, you get past image. Like it ain't, you don't care what nobody thinks about you. Because the people that are supposed to care about you, you know what I'm saying? So like you won't really be on that, you know? And so for me, I'm just going to say this. I still don't have good parents. Like my father and mother have never talked to each other. So I'm not the kid that's ever been blessed to have a picture with my parents. Like so you can't go through my life and see me and my mom and my dad together. And my mom and dad won't be in the same room with each other today. So whatever their challenges are and whatever they've gone through, is put me in a situation where I have to be over here, I have to be over here. Like I've never been able to be in a situation where I'm with both of my parents, you know what I'm saying? At the exact same time, and they both in a healthy space, you know what I'm saying? So my mom, I guess, as she's gotten older, try to be in the space, but she's in the space but they not on one accord, you know what I'm saying? So like whatever happened, it's still happening to them. Like they haven't been able to resolve that. And so it's affected me. My kids ain't never been with they grandparents like that. You know what I'm saying? So I'm not in a situation, nah, you talking about my mom individually as a parent? Oh, 1000. Been with my mom since, you know what I'm saying? Like ride or die. But I've never had a relationship with my parents. I've never had my world's coming together. Like now my grandma for sure was with like my grandma, like I'm coming to everything. I'm my father's mom. She coming to everything, doing everything. She don't care what people think and say. But like my father, I've never or my, you know, my aunts or uncles with that. So I've never had that experience. Right. And so I'm good. And the reason why I'm good is because, you know, Joseph told his brothers, y'all didn't do this to me. God allowed this to happen. Right. And so I had to get to a point in my life where it was like, yo, no, Joseph, there was no way that you could have saved Israel and done this work for the Lord, had you not gone through this. Like you had to go, somebody had to be the sacrifice and you were the one. You feel me? So a lot of times when people read, yo, he bowed down and he did that, yo, your brother's gonna bow down my father. There's a lot of hell to get to that, whatever that was that he experienced, right? And so for me, I just got to a point in my life where I realized, one, this situation is killing me from being me. You feel me? Like when C was telling you, you can't do different. I always knew. AE. Some days you this and other days, what is it my man name? Is it Bruce Banner? I always say this wrong, but maybe it's- So I want to make sure I didn't say the other name. So yeah, it's Bruce Banner.

Speaker 1:
[39:21] Bruce Jenner, actually.

Speaker 3:
[39:23] That's what his name is? Oh, okay.

Speaker 1:
[39:25] I'm sure, that's my man.

Speaker 3:
[39:26] Oh, that's, oh, okay, okay.

Speaker 1:
[39:27] Kardashian. The one time you get it right, you got him bowed in.

Speaker 3:
[39:30] I ain't know, I want to make sure. And then it's The Hoke. And I saw myself being that. And if y'all grew up watching The Hoke as a kid, he'll spass out. And then once he come back to Bruce, he looking around.

Speaker 1:
[39:44] He used to go from zero. When I say zero to a hundred, I literally mean like he was in the out of nowhere. See, that's why I say, you gonna know my anger coming. It's gonna build up. I'm gonna cut you and then I'm gonna be like, hey, I'm warning you and he's gonna go, oh, bow, you're dead.

Speaker 3:
[40:03] Yeah, so for me, it was like, I didn't like what I saw when I became that other person.

Speaker 4:
[40:10] You feel me?

Speaker 3:
[40:11] And it was just like, E, you gotta grow up, bruh. Nobody's coming to fix it and help you. You know what I'm saying? It's like, you had this fantasy when you don't have your parents like in the right space, cause you still going to school and you still live in a community where you see other people who have their parents, right? And so I saw when I was with Donovan, it's like, yo, you not like, you not in the space where your parents are married. You're not in the space where it's like, they're doing it together. When I look at Jalen and Jay, it's like everything that they have, we doing it together. Didi and I are doing it with them. And so for me, I would look around and go, hey, this is how it's supposed to be. Like my man got his mom and dad, they doing this and doing this. And I was like, yo, bro, that's not your reality. So like, you gotta get out of that. That thinking is killing you. You're thinking that, oh, this person's parents do this, this person's parents do this, so this is gonna happen for you. And I tell people all the time, even when my mom married, I was like, yo, I'm not trying to be funny, bro. Like I was angry, like that's not my father. You know what I'm saying? And when I think about the assessment, I'm like, yo, I really know, like, yo, you don't know how to handle me. You feel me? Like not to be disrespectful, but you not my, like, you not my swag. Like I'm emotional, you not emotional. You know what I'm saying? Like I realized to this day, like I, it would have been great to have my dad because he is emotional. And so he would have understood me. So you're dealing with somebody that don't understand you. Like it's not your DNA. They don't understand the way you're wired, right? And so it's not bad, good or whatever. It just is what it is. And so for me, for a long time, I was angry because I was like, God, I'm supposed to get help. Like I'm supposed to have my mom and my mom's not in my life right now. I'm homeless. She ain't looking out for me. My dad, I'm really hurt with him because it's like, yo, whatever you said was the reason why you weren't in my life, that's done. I'm homeless now.

Speaker 2:
[42:04] Yeah.

Speaker 3:
[42:05] I'm saying I ain't even with my mom right now. So I'm not really sure. Like what's your story? Like whatever you're telling me, ain't nothing between, my mom ain't here. It's nothing between us.

Speaker 1:
[42:16] Did your dad know you was homeless? I was just going to ask, you ever reached out to him in that time?

Speaker 3:
[42:19] I never reached out to him, period.

Speaker 1:
[42:20] You just hoping that he knew from around the way?

Speaker 3:
[42:23] No, my grandma. Like, I mean, my grandma like this. My grandma know I'm homeless. My grandma know what I'm going through. So there's no way he don't know what I'm going through. Yeah, his mom know what I'm going through. There's no way. My grandma know everything that's going on. Like she's supposed to be at the high school graduation. It wasn't one. You know what I'm saying? So she know what's going on. You know what I'm saying? So, and then I would be in Chicago, like, you know what I'm saying? I would still be at my aunt's house, my grandma's house, but I didn't know exactly what was going on. So I don't know if he knew or if he didn't know. I don't know. Like I don't know what was going on in his life.

Speaker 1:
[42:50] But in your mind, you're like, he should have been right. Why you not here?

Speaker 3:
[42:53] Yeah, why you not here? So for me, the shift was, yo, you're thinking because the American dream is a wife and a husband, they get married, they had these kids. You're thinking that's your reality. It's not. That's for all of them. That's not for you. That's not the life that I have for you. Like, you need me. I'm your mama. I'm your daddy. Like, I want to be everything to you that you think and they should be to you. And I've allowed this to happen. So that was the biggest shift for me when I read Joseph. It was like, this God let this happen. And yes, Joseph left his father. Yes, he left his mother. But nobody talks about Joseph in the Bible. Like, they talk about Moses and they talk about Paul. But there's nobody in the Bible that... I've never read this before. Nowhere else in the Bible. But when Pharaoh talks about Joseph, he says who the Spirit of God is. Like, I ain't never read that before. So when you read about Joseph, and again, he reminds me of Tim Duncan. He not, you know what I'm saying? Like, he ain't Flash. Nobody talk about him like that. But he's the only character that I've ever read that said, when you thought about God, Pharaoh and them was like, yo, he's God. Like, in the flesh, he's God. That's how close him and God was. And so God was like, you gotta stop comparing yourself. Like, you gotta stop going, well, they got parents and they better off. He's like, ain't nobody better off than nobody. Nobody's better off because of their circumstances. They're only better off because of me. Hey, you don't got nothing to do with, there's people who got parents who smoked out, who committed suicide, who dead. He was like, get off of this parent thing. It's me and you and I need to. And so when I would spazz out, I would just be like, yo, this ain't, I know when the Spirit of God is on me. You know what I'm saying? Since I was young, I knew when I start talking or I go in the room and I'm ministering somebody one on one. Bro, I know when the Spirit of the Lord is on me, like it's evident, right? And so when I would pop off, I was like, yo, this is not the Spirit of the Lord. And I don't know how this has happened to me. He was like, yo, until you deal with that, this is going to always be on you. So you got to deal with that. So again, Antoine Fisher, Joseph, and I went to my father and was like, hey, you free, bro. You free. I don't know how you feel about not being in my life. You free though. This is what God is allowed to happen. And had you been there, I probably wouldn't have been this version of myself had you been in my life.

Speaker 1:
[45:24] Those are your thoughts, but that's where my whole mind is now. Okay, let me get God prayers first because God is so deep that I don't, correct me if I'm wrong, theologically, spiritually, but I don't think a lot of this is God's plan. Eh.

Speaker 3:
[45:36] Yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 1:
[45:37] But I'm saying God is so deep y'all that despite whoever hundreds of decisions impacted wherever your situation is, he still said to you, I got a plan. So I'm saying to you, like, I always struggle when you say God allowed it to happen. And this is just Karl personally. Like, you get what I'm saying? Like God allowed it to happen. I'm saying, no, our decision sometimes will cause it and God is so good that he still gives us ways out. You get what I'm saying?

Speaker 3:
[46:02] That's what I mean by allow.

Speaker 1:
[46:04] Okay, I'm saying for me, theologically, that's something I've always kind of like tried to like put my mind around.

Speaker 3:
[46:09] He did it. I just mean, he was like, oh, I see this ain't the best case scenario, but we're going to make it best case. Bro, let me tell you something, bro. It's a responsibility. That's why I just be like, yo, these little cats be wanting, you don't want to be me. You don't want to be at the hospital loving on LaDallas. You don't want to do that. You don't want to be with Aisha walking her through whatever her struggles are and how she's feeling about her child and being in a room. You at U of M hospital, bro, like, you know, all of that, the doctors on this level talking to you, like they taking your son from you and they could do whatever they want. Like bro, we grown. Somebody take your child from you. That's a traumatic experience. You got somebody doing surgery and you can't do nothing, but do exactly what they tell you to do. They tell you to take this medicate, like you done lost control. Most of us don't know what it feels like to lose control of our children. It has some other grown person dictating what they eat, how they move, you feel what I'm saying? And their life, like, yo, bro, I was playing. Like, they could take you back there and I said, it's a done deal. And all that, bro, this is America. All they got to do when they come back and tell you that's they fought. And there's nothing you could do about it. And you done lost your child, your whole life is changed. That's a difficult. So when people say, I want to be like you, no, you don't. You want to be on stage. You want to be on the mic. You don't want to love on people and care for people. That's not what you want to do. But the reason why I'm able to do that, because I know what it's like not to be cared for. I know what it's like to have a person that's supposed to be there for you. And to your point, when you finally connect, you're not hearing the ownership. You're not hearing the boom, boom, boom, boom, boom. It's like, yo, that's all I wanted was to just kind of, and God was like, you keep doing that. I got a plan for you. But you're trying to go back and figure out based on what everybody else, how everybody else life was and what is supposed to look like, the American dream that you keep doing the American dream versus the divine calling. And I have a divine calling for your life. So when I walked through the mall and the cat be like, E, no way, bro. We was walking, me and Brian was walking the other day, dude, white kid, circle back around. I saw him was like, maybe he go circle back around, waited, jumped out, came, hugged me, crying like, bro, you changed my life. And God was like, yo, this was always the plan. But you were so focused on, forget those things which are behind, you were so focused on why this happened, why I go this way, why this, why that. I need you on, I press toward the, I was always going to use you in the way. And there's no way that I could use you like this. If you had that life that you dreamed of, there's no way you could have been this, the depths of what you've gone through. You know what I'm saying? Like bro, I was a teenager and I was wrong. 1000% I was wrong. But bro, when my mom got married, bro, I was just like, yo, you wanted this. You never asked me if I wanted this. I just wanted to be us. I was feeling the single parent boy. Like I had no problems with just being me and you 24-7.

Speaker 1:
[49:14] You feel me? I felt great about this.

Speaker 3:
[49:17] I'm in Chicago. No, you literally ripped me from-

Speaker 1:
[49:20] So now you got a man, but I still don't have a dad.

Speaker 3:
[49:22] I don't got a dad. And then you ripped me from, and again, my mom deserved that, but I'm saying you're not thinking that when you're a child. Like bro, you ripped me from Chicago. Like my cousins, like was my life. Like those was my brothers. Like some of y'all know what I'm talking about. You got, they call it cousin brothers. Cousin sisters. You know what I'm saying? Like we cousins, but we like brothers and sisters. Like you robbed me of all of that. You took me from the life I had in Chicago. You know what I'm saying? And you brought me here and it didn't work out. Like it didn't work out for me. It might've worked out for you, but it didn't work out for me. You know what I'm saying? And it just was weird too. Cause like my sisters didn't know that that wasn't my father. So imagine when my sisters found out, like mom, what? And so it just was a lot, you know? And God was like, but no, that was all a part. And you blew that richness because you was comparing to everybody else. Had I known now that I would be what I am today, I wouldn't have. And so when I said earlier about D, the thing that shift for me, when I started realizing this was God's plan, when you saw the anger, the anger was control. That was the root of it. Like ain't nobody gonna ever put me in a situation again where your decisions are gonna make me feel a certain type of way. It ain't going down like that. I don't care who you are, where you come from. And this is why I try to explain to people like, oh, you, you know, it seemed like you were rebellious. No, I'm not. I promise you I'm not. I'm just not going to. Y'all heard me preach a couple weeks about roots. Like, yo, if I can help it, I'm not, I don't care if it's aggressive or passive. Nobody is going to make me wear something I don't want to wear because you don't even know why you're wearing it. I'm just being real, bro. I'm just like most of y'all doing stuff. You don't even know why you're doing it. You're just doing it because some, you live in a white America and they have dictated certain things. Like you got to go to school. It's kids going to school, shouldn't even be in school. But they made it where it's like college. Now we shifted and said, forget about college. I'm like, bro, I'm not doing that. I want to figure out for me, just like you get to figure out for you how you talk on TV and how you run the world. I just want to do that for me. And God was like, no, no, no, do me a favor. Let that go. You don't need control because you don't even know where you're going. You need to let me have control.

Speaker 4:
[51:44] This conversation will be continued on the next episode of The Secret To Success Podcast.

Speaker 1:
[52:07] Thank you so much for rocking with us as always. We don't take it lightly guys. We hope that we've provided transformation and not just information. We want you to become the best version of yourself. Make sure you check out the show notes to access all the important links and get your product discounts. Now, one favor we're asking of you, do us this favor. Make sure you subscribe and leave us a review on Apple Podcast. We want to know your feedback on how we can serve you better. If there's anyone that you think could benefit from listening to this show, please, I'm begging you, please share it with them. Remember, as he always says, if you want to succeed as bad as you want to breathe, then you'll be successful.