transcript

Speaker 1:
[00:00] Hello, my friend. Hail and well met. Yada, yada, yada. Before you can get you to your adventuring nut, you gotta nibble your way through a bit of a hard shell out here. With the Max Fun Drive, it's time to pay the piper, baby. Go to maximumfun.org/join, or no adventure for you.

Speaker 2:
[00:19] Remember Seinfeld?

Speaker 1:
[00:20] You will still get the adventure, but this is the time of year where we ask you to consider becoming a member of Max Fun, supporting the shows and the creators that you enjoy week after week, year after year. We've been doing this for a while now, but if you're new around here or you've never become a member or you're looking to upgrade your membership, this is the time, maximumfun.org/join. There's all kinds of different levels to choose from. Find one that works right for you and you'll get rewards. Like what, Griffin?

Speaker 2:
[00:48] Outrageous amount of bonus content, hundreds of hours.

Speaker 1:
[00:50] Why would you go back to Griffin? Oh, yeah. Shut up, Griffin. What kind of reward do you get for $5?

Speaker 3:
[00:56] $5 you get. This was extremely cool. Taz Cousinverse rolled to realize. It was designed by my grandchildren, and we had a fantastic time in the Cousinverse.

Speaker 1:
[01:12] It was an incredible adventure and some new mechanics that I think are really gonna take off in the world of-

Speaker 2:
[01:18] But there's other Boko there too, if you've never been a member. We got the Lords of Crunch in there. We got the episode we did with Matt Mercer. We got all the Charlieverse episodes, a whole bunch. And that's just at five bucks a month, which is the price of a gallon of gasoline. So-

Speaker 1:
[01:33] Listen, we're yammering on how these nerds get if they can't have their adventure cream.

Speaker 2:
[01:39] Jesus, why are you just having our craft in such a gross way?

Speaker 1:
[01:44] You know, hold on, they're ramming for it. Let's give them a little bit of a taste, right? Give them a slice and then we'll see them on the other side.

Speaker 2:
[01:52] I guess that's how they get you. You know, fat happens. I'll just say one last time, maximumfun.org/join. Now go get that cream, I guess.

Speaker 1:
[03:19] I didn't expect to come on stage and almost get stabbed in the face.

Speaker 2:
[03:22] Dude, he hippie brained me backstage like five minutes before he came out here. Hit me with a, oh, sorry. You hit me in the head with a metal sword, Mack.

Speaker 4:
[03:31] Are you okay, Juice?

Speaker 1:
[03:32] Yeah, Pop, thank you.

Speaker 4:
[03:33] Okay, buddy.

Speaker 1:
[03:33] Actually, Dad, that's fine. You called me out because I wanted to speak on that for a second, pal. I was looking at this backstage. It's No Fear Shakespeare, Mid-Seventh Night's Dream. Shakespeare, Side-by-Side, Plain English. Now, before you laugh too hard, you should know that this was handed to me yesterday by my dad and said, in case you need to bone up. Now, I was looking at this and Griffin said, what is that? And I told him, and then I realized, Dad only gave me this. So I want to know, Dad, do you think I am your stupidest son or the son most likely to read the dumb book you bought? Which is it? I think you fall right in the middle, Justin, where he knows I know it the best. He knows Griffin doesn't care to learn about it.

Speaker 3:
[04:20] Not at all.

Speaker 1:
[04:20] And you're right in the center. I'm furious that you'd let him off the hook by giving him an answer, Travis.

Speaker 3:
[04:24] Well, I had my own answer. I mean, you are the farthest away from the college experience.

Speaker 1:
[04:29] Fair. Thank you, Dad, fair. Fair dinkum. How dare you call him your oldest son? There were some boos in the audience that were like, whoa, out of line. Hey, Paul, quick review, Green Apple White Call is hitting. It's an 8.5.

Speaker 2:
[04:43] The Peach is also on fire, Paul. Well done, well done. Good choice.

Speaker 1:
[04:47] Paul and I were pretty stoked about some new flavors. Black Cherry is, okay. All right, before we get started, do you guys want to do a quick character intro for anyone who doesn't know?

Speaker 2:
[04:57] Yes. Sure.

Speaker 1:
[04:58] My name is Lady Godwin. I was splatted in a terrible car accident caused by Dracula and the Wolf Man. It destroyed the entirety of my body. Or so I thought. I was separated from my fancy, fancy British lady body and strapped on the body of a barbarian lady. And then I go around the countryside and hit stuff with my ax, Jen for Myers. That's the whole story.

Speaker 2:
[05:28] Dad's is always my favorite when we do Taz versus shows.

Speaker 1:
[05:31] It's a good time for me to go to the bathroom. It's weirdly early, but still it's a nice break.

Speaker 2:
[05:36] If you've never listened to Taz versus, try to figure out the big sort of turning point in Dad's character arc, if you can.

Speaker 3:
[05:45] I play Brother Filo, who is an artificer and a friar. And he is on this adventure. He went on the adventure with these others to kill Dracula.

Speaker 1:
[06:03] Yeah.

Speaker 3:
[06:03] Because it was his calling. And on probably, I don't know.

Speaker 2:
[06:08] Episode four, maybe.

Speaker 3:
[06:10] Was it four?

Speaker 2:
[06:10] It was pretty early.

Speaker 3:
[06:11] Episode four, he saw a mysterious looking helmet on a bed and he put that helmet on and he was transferred into the body of Pinocchio the Puppet.

Speaker 1:
[06:22] Yeah. It's like a Family Guy cutaway gag that just got stuck. It was like a one-off pull. It was like burned in to the episode and you kept kind of seeing it. Yeah.

Speaker 2:
[06:34] Yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 1:
[06:35] They're not still in that cutaway, are they?

Speaker 3:
[06:36] Made one or two efforts to try to switch him back, but no, he's never taken.

Speaker 1:
[06:42] This is also Pinocchio.

Speaker 3:
[06:43] So he is, and as a matter of fact, his real body got shrunk down and is in one of these.

Speaker 2:
[06:50] He carries his own cadaver and he's an absolute ghoul and also the Pope kind of.

Speaker 3:
[06:57] No, he's a turbo cardinal.

Speaker 1:
[06:58] He is the interim turbo cardinal.

Speaker 3:
[07:01] You're not allowed to add that because you're not being mutt tonight.

Speaker 2:
[07:04] That's true.

Speaker 1:
[07:05] Still the GM, I can decide.

Speaker 2:
[07:07] That's true. I GM the original run of Taz versus Dracula. Tonight, I will be embodying Denthelius, the high elf ranger. No, I'll be Winnie the Pooh tonight from the Hundred Acre Wood.

Speaker 3:
[07:23] So you didn't know because the head part is not up yet.

Speaker 2:
[07:27] I came off because I'm terribly wet already.

Speaker 5:
[07:32] I'm wet everywhere on my body.

Speaker 3:
[07:34] Holy cow, he really is.

Speaker 2:
[07:37] Yeah, man. It's hot inside these Pooh bears.

Speaker 1:
[07:41] Yeah. And I'm Travis McElroy.

Speaker 2:
[07:43] Thank you so much, Paul.

Speaker 1:
[07:46] What up, Trav Nation? I'll be GMing tonight and making the magic. Let's jump right into it. The three of you wake up on the forest floor.

Speaker 2:
[07:55] That's normal for me. That's the only place I do that, man.

Speaker 1:
[08:01] You remember very little of how you got here, but you see a small ball of light, each of you dancing before your eyes with tiny gossamer wings. One pink, one yellow, one white.

Speaker 2:
[08:14] Which one's mine?

Speaker 1:
[08:15] Yours is white.

Speaker 2:
[08:16] Yes!

Speaker 1:
[08:17] Pooh bear, phylo, make-a-wisdom saving throw.

Speaker 2:
[08:21] But not Lady Godwin?

Speaker 1:
[08:22] Not Lady Godwin.

Speaker 2:
[08:23] That's fucked up, man. Uh, wisdom save. 14 plus 3, 17.

Speaker 1:
[08:29] Okay.

Speaker 6:
[08:30] Okay. Wisdom save.

Speaker 2:
[08:33] I'm sorry. 14 plus 6, dirty 20.

Speaker 1:
[08:35] Uh, gentleman's 20. I love it. I can't... Can we stop saying dirty 20? That's why I say gentleman's 20. Every time you all say it, I hate it more. Please stop saying dirty 20. All right.

Speaker 3:
[08:47] I got a dirty 12.

Speaker 1:
[08:49] Come on, man. Perfect. Winnie the Pooh.

Speaker 2:
[08:54] I'm going to call her Osha.

Speaker 1:
[08:55] This is my workplace. Winnie the Pooh, you look to your right, and you see a woman lying on the floor who you know to be Lady Godwin. She is beautiful. Gorgeous. You feel strong feelings for her, but you're able to keep them under wraps. You're going to play it cool. But you, Filo, you look to your left and see a beautiful woman lying there. You are enamored. No, it's Lady Godwin, not Winnie the Pooh.

Speaker 2:
[09:18] Sorry, Buster.

Speaker 3:
[09:20] That's my left.

Speaker 2:
[09:22] I don't think you're ready for this, Jelle.

Speaker 1:
[09:25] Filo's left, not your left, Cliff.

Speaker 3:
[09:27] Oh, right.

Speaker 1:
[09:28] Okay. You have never been so in love in your life. Wait, am I unconscious? For the next three seconds. Okay. Your love for her is chaste and beautiful like a night of old for a lady fair.

Speaker 2:
[09:40] Do you realize the unique vibe you've chosen to cultivate in the room tonight?

Speaker 1:
[09:46] Yes, I do. And Griffin, every syllable you utter prolongs it. Lady Godwin, you wake from your slumber and feel nothing. You're perfectly normal. Dropkick, activate.

Speaker 2:
[10:00] God, the two of us, you're rocking with Pinocchio and Winnie the Pooh. We could not be more dropkickable accomplices.

Speaker 1:
[10:10] Okay, so what do I, I don't have a problem.

Speaker 2:
[10:13] No, you're fine.

Speaker 1:
[10:15] Okay, good. Hey, file away, you're looking at me like that. What did you say?

Speaker 6:
[10:20] You are remarkable.

Speaker 2:
[10:24] With my, just to make anything else be happening right now, with my dirty 20, do I know that I was, okay.

Speaker 1:
[10:31] Oh yeah, you're fully aware that something strange is going on.

Speaker 4:
[10:34] Could you shut up for just for a second? You are the sun.

Speaker 5:
[10:37] You can hear that voice.

Speaker 3:
[10:39] You are the moon.

Speaker 5:
[10:41] Okay, yes.

Speaker 3:
[10:42] You are. You have an astral body.

Speaker 5:
[10:45] Okay.

Speaker 1:
[10:47] I have our body, which is one step up on you, I agree.

Speaker 2:
[10:52] Hey, don't body shame him.

Speaker 1:
[10:55] No, I just mean he's got doubles.

Speaker 7:
[10:57] It seems a bit greedy, doesn't it?

Speaker 2:
[10:59] Something is terribly strange here.

Speaker 5:
[11:01] I'm sensing that as well, Mr. Pooh.

Speaker 1:
[11:04] You hear laughter echoing through the trees, bouncing off the leaves, almost tripping down the vines. As a green glow appears in the forest and a full-sized, you know, six-foot tall man appears with large gossamer moth wings, laughing at the frivolity of the trick he's played upon you. And he yells, yes, that is right. I am the merry wonderer of the night. I'm not, I didn't even have, I didn't even, how could I put, I didn't even have a moment where I thought that I might be confused.

Speaker 3:
[12:09] Oh, even though you rebuke-ist me.

Speaker 5:
[12:12] I'm going to punch him in the face.

Speaker 1:
[12:15] In the blink of an eye, Puck is zooming around you to see a swirl of light, and then he's back to his post, and he looks pissed.

Speaker 5:
[12:23] You are cheating!

Speaker 1:
[12:24] You are cheating! Your head and your heart are not connected, they are different! Why are your head and heart not connected?

Speaker 5:
[12:31] Oh, isn't that funny? Yes.

Speaker 1:
[12:33] Well, they're quite separate, aren't they?

Speaker 5:
[12:36] They're from different lines? I don't know. I have a different head from a body.

Speaker 1:
[12:43] It's so hard to explain like this, but I have a different head than I started with. Well, a different body is...

Speaker 2:
[12:49] Wolfman hit her with a car. She exploded and got a barbarian body instead.

Speaker 1:
[12:52] Okay, just save that next time. I get that.

Speaker 5:
[12:55] Honestly, it's not... Forgive me for being a bit existential for a moment.

Speaker 1:
[12:59] Forgive me. But that's cheating.

Speaker 5:
[13:02] Being existential?

Speaker 1:
[13:04] No, the body head switch thing. Existential is fine. That plays.

Speaker 6:
[13:07] You guard your tongue.

Speaker 5:
[13:11] What?

Speaker 6:
[13:12] This is the woman I love.

Speaker 5:
[13:14] Oh, anything you could do. Sincerely.

Speaker 2:
[13:17] Money? Do you need money to make this not happen anymore?

Speaker 3:
[13:22] Does thou not wish me to find the love of my life?

Speaker 1:
[13:26] Yes, I'm also getting tired of this. This guy gets it. For reasons Meist can't quite explain, thou don't enjoy hearing dad hit on me. I did think this would be a Mary J, but now I'm creeped to all hell. And a bolt of lightning strikes Fylo down.

Speaker 6:
[13:48] Goodnight, everybody!

Speaker 1:
[13:49] And when he stands up, you're no longer in love with Lady Godwin.

Speaker 3:
[13:54] Oh, gentle bear.

Speaker 1:
[13:56] Nope. You're not. You love nothing and no one.

Speaker 2:
[14:00] And let me say, dad.

Speaker 1:
[14:01] Your capability for love has been erased, Fylo. Burned out.

Speaker 2:
[14:05] And you attempting that gambit on me while calling me gentle bear the whole time is a nightmare.

Speaker 1:
[14:13] No, you're back to your normal weird self.

Speaker 4:
[14:15] Yeah. Hey, what'd I miss?

Speaker 1:
[14:19] I need no money. I need no things. I simply need distraction while I play out my revenge plan.

Speaker 2:
[14:26] Yeah, that's cool. How do we get out of these woods?

Speaker 1:
[14:28] How did we get into these woods? Shakespeare stole my story and played me for a dupe. Then he wrote this play and trapped me in a loop. So when I saw my moment, I reached out and I got him. And by the end of the night, you shall all kiss my bottom.

Speaker 4:
[14:52] Iambic pentameter.

Speaker 2:
[14:53] If we do, if I, if I kiss your literal ass, now can we skip the, the James?

Speaker 1:
[15:03] Make a perception roll?

Speaker 2:
[15:04] Yeah, sure.

Speaker 3:
[15:05] Ass and bottom.

Speaker 1:
[15:06] He has no ass.

Speaker 2:
[15:07] Wow, okay. Can't wait Trav to hear what you do with a critical one on...

Speaker 1:
[15:13] Yes, go for it.

Speaker 2:
[15:15] Awesome.

Speaker 5:
[15:16] Don't look.

Speaker 1:
[15:18] Wait, my eyes are closed. Who are you talking to?

Speaker 2:
[15:21] No one.

Speaker 5:
[15:22] Look at this.

Speaker 1:
[15:26] You still have to do the stuff, but look at you now, butt kisser.

Speaker 2:
[15:31] I am going to, I guess, just bite him with my bare teeth as hard as I possibly can.

Speaker 1:
[15:38] Wait, bite his butt?

Speaker 2:
[15:40] That's where I'm at, man. It's what I'm aiming at.

Speaker 3:
[15:44] Thumb ahead in that book, Justin.

Speaker 1:
[15:46] Probably the earliest any butt has ever been bitten at one of our live shows.

Speaker 2:
[15:49] Yeah, normally we wait until act two to eat ass.

Speaker 1:
[15:51] I hate Griffin.

Speaker 2:
[15:52] Yeah.

Speaker 1:
[15:54] With your critical one, you have disadvantage on this bite. Yeah, I'm looking in the book, dad. I'm not seeing this part.

Speaker 3:
[15:59] Look up bottom.

Speaker 1:
[16:00] All right.

Speaker 3:
[16:01] It may change what you think.

Speaker 2:
[16:02] That's a 16 plus some stuff, some cool stuff, 16 plus 6, 22. So boy, I hope that's the one we go with.

Speaker 1:
[16:13] Yeah.

Speaker 2:
[16:17] Nine?

Speaker 1:
[16:18] He farts in your face.

Speaker 2:
[16:19] Shit, this just keeps getting worse.

Speaker 1:
[16:22] Yes, this is quite a distraction for you and for me. I need to return to my business. Have fun exploring the forest. And the green light vanishes, but still dancing around you are the blue light, the pink light and the white light. And you hear them muttering to themselves in quite an annoyed tone. You can't quite pick up what they're saying, but you can tell that they're kind of frustrated. I'm gonna grab a pink one and pull it close to my ear.

Speaker 2:
[16:51] Normal, normal thing to do.

Speaker 1:
[16:53] Make a, you can make an athletics check, athletics dexterity, make a dexterity check. Are you sure? You're trying to catch a fairy, my dude. I just feel like athletics, you, yeah, okay. Okay, athletics or dexterity.

Speaker 2:
[17:06] Run at it so fast that it just kind of splatters against you.

Speaker 1:
[17:09] Yeah, ay, ay, I got it too. Ay.

Speaker 5:
[17:13] What the, man?

Speaker 1:
[17:15] Oh.

Speaker 3:
[17:16] I cast Enlarge on the pink one.

Speaker 1:
[17:22] Okay. Weird, weird, weird, man. Weird, dude. So weird, dude.

Speaker 2:
[17:28] Dude, you're-

Speaker 1:
[17:29] Once again, I, this is why I love DMing for my family, because I establish that they have the power of speech.

Speaker 2:
[17:37] Right.

Speaker 1:
[17:38] And then they're like, I know. I'll grab them.

Speaker 2:
[17:40] I'll make them big.

Speaker 1:
[17:41] Oh, that didn't work. I'll make them big. Okay. So, did he make them big or not?

Speaker 2:
[17:47] It's like that really, really uncomfortable spoon and hook.

Speaker 1:
[17:50] What do I need to do there, Clint, when you cast Enlarge?

Speaker 3:
[17:53] No, you just grow larger.

Speaker 2:
[17:55] Yeah. If it's unwilling, you can make a constitution saving throw.

Speaker 1:
[17:58] Thank you, Griffin. Yeah, you're welcome. Clint, I'm not going through another live show. Fifteen plus whatever. So I think I'm going to beat us.

Speaker 3:
[18:08] I can read my screen, Griffin.

Speaker 2:
[18:10] Yeah, but it's faster when I do it.

Speaker 5:
[18:14] Again, I ask, what the fuck, man?

Speaker 7:
[18:19] I'm sorry.

Speaker 1:
[18:20] I was being rather brutish. I was rather unnerved and I just wanted to hear. I thought you were part of the whole business with that nasty gentleman. No, you guys are as bad as he is. Oh, well, that's not fair.

Speaker 2:
[18:33] He farted in my open mouth.

Speaker 5:
[18:36] And that was, yeah, we loved that, didn't we? Yeah, yeah. Sorry.

Speaker 1:
[18:40] To be clear, I loved that too.

Speaker 5:
[18:41] That was good. You said you wouldn't look. I mean, I heard it. It was quite audible. Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2:
[18:50] So, what's your guy's deal? Do you know anything about him and how to get out of these woods and how to kill him what his weakness is for his death?

Speaker 5:
[19:00] Oh, sorry. We should introduce ourselves.

Speaker 2:
[19:02] Yes, that's right.

Speaker 5:
[19:02] I'm Peas Blossom.

Speaker 2:
[19:04] Bees?

Speaker 5:
[19:05] Peas Blossom.

Speaker 2:
[19:06] You said something. Peas?

Speaker 5:
[19:10] Pea Pop'em.

Speaker 2:
[19:13] Are you guys getting this? Because it's hitting different for me every time.

Speaker 4:
[19:17] I believe it is Peas Blossom.

Speaker 5:
[19:20] Peas Blossom.

Speaker 2:
[19:23] A pleasure to make your...

Speaker 5:
[19:24] And I'm Mustard Seed.

Speaker 2:
[19:26] Mustard Seed? We got that one.

Speaker 5:
[19:27] And I'm mayonnaise.

Speaker 1:
[19:31] I don't think that's right, is it?

Speaker 5:
[19:33] Oh, I'm sorry. Are you my mom? Yes.

Speaker 3:
[19:39] The? Mom, where did you go?

Speaker 1:
[19:43] I was kidding, mayonnaise.

Speaker 5:
[19:45] I'm sorry.

Speaker 1:
[19:47] I can't keep this ruse up. Certainly you guessed from my scale.

Speaker 2:
[19:50] There's a largely unknown comedy rule which is yes and followed immediately by a never mind.

Speaker 1:
[19:58] Actually, I got to, it's felt too mean. Like it was, it was, it was yes and to compassion.

Speaker 2:
[20:05] Man, if we had a dollar for every time we pretended to be somebody's parent to get out of a sticky situation on this show, we would, we would be billionaires.

Speaker 4:
[20:14] Excuse me, but are you fairies?

Speaker 5:
[20:19] No shit, dude.

Speaker 4:
[20:20] Yeah.

Speaker 5:
[20:21] What gave it away, the glowing light of the gossamer wings, this fucking guy?

Speaker 4:
[20:26] I do not have a fairy in any of my...

Speaker 2:
[20:31] So let's go ahead and stop this right where it is.

Speaker 4:
[20:34] Look at that.

Speaker 2:
[20:35] Let me just cork it right there. Hey, just to decide, we're supposed to be heroic figures and kidnapping generally frowned upon.

Speaker 5:
[20:47] Hey, just to double-check, you said something about killing Pac?

Speaker 2:
[20:50] Yeah, does he have any major food allergies?

Speaker 3:
[20:52] Yeah, go on there, heroic figure. Tell us more about killing Pac.

Speaker 5:
[20:56] He farted in my open mouth!

Speaker 3:
[20:59] I saw!

Speaker 5:
[21:00] I may be a back-up prize to...

Speaker 1:
[21:01] Can I just say that would be the fucking most kick-ass villain origin story? If you're like, why is Lex Luthor like this? Well, one time, this dude farted in his open mouth. Monster beef. Well, Bats, you see, one time, your parents farted in my open mouth. So now I'm the joker.

Speaker 2:
[21:24] Yes. We suspect he brought us here and has the key to our freedom. And so we would like very much to...

Speaker 4:
[21:30] Remember, remember when you farted in my mouth.

Speaker 2:
[21:34] So we want to kind of stop him.

Speaker 5:
[21:36] Oh, excellent. Yes. I'll tell you, I don't know how we can help right now, but we'll be there at your aid when you need us. And they're, no, not in the bottle, you pervert.

Speaker 2:
[21:46] Okay.

Speaker 1:
[21:47] And so what this is going to grant each one of you is one pocket advantage for you to call on, you must call on Peas Blossom, Mustard Seed and Mayonnaise as your pocket advantage to use once throughout this live show.

Speaker 2:
[22:00] Cool. I go to Mayonnaise, I say, you're my road dog for sure.

Speaker 5:
[22:04] Hell yeah, brother.

Speaker 4:
[22:06] I want Peas Blossom.

Speaker 5:
[22:08] Don't say it like that.

Speaker 4:
[22:10] Okay, I will have Peas Blossom.

Speaker 5:
[22:16] You get one more of those in the office revoked. Don't push it.

Speaker 1:
[22:21] Dad, if it's for this show, you should push it.

Speaker 2:
[22:25] Well, you also need all the advantages you can get up here. I would not piss one away.

Speaker 4:
[22:33] Peas Blossom, would you do me the honor of cooperating with me in the near future?

Speaker 5:
[22:37] Hell yeah, dude.

Speaker 1:
[22:38] Great.

Speaker 4:
[22:39] Get in the bottle.

Speaker 1:
[22:43] Hey, make a Constitution saving throw real quick.

Speaker 2:
[22:47] No reason. You messed with the bull. So you want to pick the character sheet that says Brother Filo on it.

Speaker 6:
[22:57] Constitution saving.

Speaker 4:
[22:58] Oh, right here.

Speaker 2:
[22:59] No, saving throws Constitution plus seven.

Speaker 4:
[23:04] But ten. Yeah.

Speaker 1:
[23:06] Peas blossom farts in your mouth.

Speaker 2:
[23:08] Oh, no.

Speaker 3:
[23:09] No.

Speaker 1:
[23:09] And you take two points of damage.

Speaker 2:
[23:11] Oh, awesome. I didn't have to. That's great, man.

Speaker 3:
[23:15] Peas blossom fart.

Speaker 2:
[23:17] Jesus Christ, man.

Speaker 1:
[23:20] Oh, no. The fantasy police showed up.

Speaker 2:
[23:24] This has never happened before.

Speaker 1:
[23:26] Dad, you've got to deploy that fairy fart this episode, man.

Speaker 2:
[23:33] If you huff it and think nasty thoughts, you can fly to Neverland. I want the tone and tenor of this show to change on a dime immediately.

Speaker 6:
[23:47] How many points off?

Speaker 2:
[23:48] Two. Two.

Speaker 6:
[23:50] Okay.

Speaker 2:
[23:51] All right.

Speaker 1:
[23:51] Around you springs up brush and vines and the forest floor forming a pathway, but I need each of you to make a dexterity saving throw to avoid being whipped by this brush and sticks and leaves and branches.

Speaker 2:
[24:07] No freaking problem.

Speaker 1:
[24:07] Five plus two, seven.

Speaker 2:
[24:09] Fourteen plus two, sixteen.

Speaker 3:
[24:11] Ten plus one, eleven.

Speaker 1:
[24:14] Oh. Okay. Philo and Godwin, you take six points of damage as you're whipped in the face by branches and thorny vines. Pooh Bear, you tuck and roll, my dude. You're cool.

Speaker 2:
[24:27] I've been telling you guys when you're in the woods, you got to keep your head on swive. Everything out here is out to get you, I guarantee it. You two are just sort of plant food walking around.

Speaker 1:
[24:40] To them, I actually have a limited range of motion due to the surgery, believe it or not. I can't swivel at all. It's about 15 degrees one way or the other. Very much like Predator. Yeah, it's a lot of vision. The three of you find yourself in a forest glade with different kind of stumps and logs almost fashioned like buffet tables. All around you, you see laid out bowls of some of the most delicious and enticing food you've ever seen. Winnie, you see bowls of every flavor of honey you can think of. Lavender, orange, even flavors you've never heard of, peppermint honey. Double honey flavor. Double honey, the forbidden honey? Yeah.

Speaker 2:
[25:27] Almond honey.

Speaker 1:
[25:28] Almond honey, soy honey.

Speaker 2:
[25:29] Zesty teriyaki honey.

Speaker 3:
[25:32] Triple dog derriya honey.

Speaker 1:
[25:34] Wasp honey that the scientists swear doesn't exist, but you know does. You see the most delicious. The triple X red hot honey.

Speaker 3:
[25:42] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1:
[25:42] All of it. Cool. Filo. Now, normally, as a man of the cloth, you're not tempted by such earthly things as food, but you see before you bowls and bowls of Communion wafers, all flavor blasted with every flavor you can think of. There's Cool Ranch Communion wafers, Nacho Cheese Communion wafers. Nacho Cheese. You see Pizza-licious Communion wafers.

Speaker 2:
[26:05] Nacho Cheese wafers, please.

Speaker 1:
[26:07] Nacho Cheese. And you know that these are Ugaristos. They're Ugaristic. Wait, do they have All Blessed? All Blessed. One with everything. That joke would have killed in Canada.

Speaker 4:
[26:23] They would have flipped their fucking chef.

Speaker 1:
[26:26] Now, Lady Godwin, you have a bizarre, almost mind-bending experience of you can see all kinds of platters of rare meat, both in the way that they're cooked and where they come from. But you can also see that these are bowls and plates and platters full of sticks and leaves and dirt and bugs. That's what you see underneath the things that you see.

Speaker 2:
[26:52] Honey time, baby!

Speaker 1:
[26:54] Winnie the Pooh and Filo. This is all very Billy Corgan of me, Trav. Filo and Winnie the Pooh make a wisdom saving throw. Godwin, I need you to make a contested wisdom versus strength saving throw. On myself? Yes. Got it.

Speaker 2:
[27:10] I'm gonna, can I elect to just fail it? I think it's true.

Speaker 1:
[27:14] Yeah, if you're not trying to resist it.

Speaker 2:
[27:15] If you put 18 bowls of rare, if you put the elusive wasp honey in front of Winnie the Pooh, he'll literally tear your arms off to get to it.

Speaker 1:
[27:26] Yeah, Griffin, I'm gonna give you inspiration for choosing to fail that.

Speaker 2:
[27:29] Thank you so much.

Speaker 1:
[27:29] So now you have basically two pocket advantages.

Speaker 2:
[27:32] A second mayonnaise appears, holy shit!

Speaker 5:
[27:34] This is my brother, Mayachup!

Speaker 1:
[27:37] Uh, I got, my wisdom is a 19 and my strength is a 23. So you feel, um, you see these things and you're like, ooh, gross, that's not food. But your body pulls over to them and starts picking. Okay, so this is exactly like eating Taco Bell. Damn, dude, get them! So your hands, almost out of control, in fact, out of control of your brain, start picking things up out of these bowls and shoving them onto your face. Okay, great. Philo, what about you?

Speaker 5:
[28:17] You're gonna love this stuff, guys! Oh, it's fantastic!

Speaker 1:
[28:21] Well, no, your head is fully aware that this sucks.

Speaker 5:
[28:24] It's fulgar!

Speaker 1:
[28:27] What about you, Philo?

Speaker 3:
[28:28] 17.

Speaker 1:
[28:30] With a 17, you fully know this is a trick? You're drawn to these things, but your brain is able to just barely stop your body from shoving these things into your face. But your friends, on the other hand, even though Lady Godwin is protesting, Winnie the Boo isn't trying to stop himself from all, from eating whatever these strange food are. Dad is the voice of reason that has to talk us down from the ledge.

Speaker 4:
[28:54] Now, fellas, wait.

Speaker 1:
[28:56] Excuse me. And ladies. Ladies.

Speaker 5:
[28:58] It's a bear.

Speaker 4:
[28:59] Okay, people. Nope. Nope.

Speaker 5:
[29:01] Friends.

Speaker 4:
[29:03] Friends. Nope. Co-adventurers.

Speaker 5:
[29:11] Okay, yes, sure.

Speaker 3:
[29:13] He looks down because you're about to start eating at the sticks, and he says, Ow, that's my cousin.

Speaker 4:
[29:21] And that's a former employer.

Speaker 1:
[29:22] Are you trying to-

Speaker 2:
[29:24] So are we eating sticks or bugs? What are we eating?

Speaker 1:
[29:27] Now, are you trying, okay. Dad is trying to convince me that I am eating his friend. Another puppet's arms? Another puppet's arm. But now, hold on, Travis. That's a very stupid thing. But I do see sticks and am eating them. So I think that's got a good chance to convince me as anything, right?

Speaker 2:
[29:47] In my mind, he just said this honey is his brother. And I'm like, you're saying that to get this fucking honey away from me? If you try that, the arms, so easy to come off of you, my man.

Speaker 1:
[29:58] Let me do a contested wisdom with dad to see if he can convince my mind that this is family. Yeah. So Justin, you're going to do a wisdom saving throw. Dad, you're going to do a persuasion check.

Speaker 2:
[30:08] Okay.

Speaker 1:
[30:09] Well, mine is a persuasion.

Speaker 6:
[30:11] Got it right there.

Speaker 1:
[30:13] Mine's a one.

Speaker 6:
[30:17] Mine's a two.

Speaker 1:
[30:20] Okay. Okay. Wait, dad. All right. And now let's play it out. Go ahead.

Speaker 5:
[30:26] Okay.

Speaker 4:
[30:27] Wait, you are right now eating an associate of mine that I am actually much closer to than you. And if you keep eating that, you're going to get splinters in your throat. And that is where your sutures are. So I don't think that's a real good idea.

Speaker 5:
[30:46] He just wants your beef.

Speaker 2:
[30:47] Don't listen to him.

Speaker 4:
[30:48] Look pal, you didn't roll shit.

Speaker 5:
[30:51] Okay. Listen, none of that was anything. Total garbage, but it worked.

Speaker 1:
[30:59] You've convinced me. This is your former employer, did you say?

Speaker 4:
[31:04] Yeah, Bob, I had a newspaper route. Yeah.

Speaker 5:
[31:08] A puppet newspaper?

Speaker 1:
[31:11] Isn't that how most of them are, Justin? Oh, let's bookmark that. Oh, wow.

Speaker 2:
[31:17] Heavy stuff.

Speaker 1:
[31:18] I'm taking down the print media.

Speaker 5:
[31:20] Wait, can I just say, you all had to think about that.

Speaker 2:
[31:24] There was a moment where we were like, wait, what is that? What could he be talking about? Is he talking about how corporate monopolies on certain media properties? But is he against the free press? I don't know. Let's just fucking woo just to cover our bases.

Speaker 1:
[31:37] Okay. So do I manage to stop eating? Yeah. The two of you are free of this glamour.

Speaker 2:
[31:43] I'm finished. I'm done. I'm done.

Speaker 1:
[31:45] Really?

Speaker 2:
[31:46] I ate all my...

Speaker 5:
[31:47] I ate all the honey that you had on your shelf.

Speaker 2:
[31:50] So just let me introduce myself.

Speaker 1:
[31:53] Can he see... maybe our plates can become his honey. Oh yeah. It doesn't go away. As you eat it, it keeps filling back up.

Speaker 5:
[32:01] Holy shit. This is my end, my grail.

Speaker 2:
[32:07] I've made it. Enjoy the rest of your adventure, practical strangers.

Speaker 5:
[32:11] I'm so happy for him, but I don't know how many sticks you could eat, if you're a bear, before things get rather dicey.

Speaker 3:
[32:18] Filo throws himself up on the table and just starts breakdancing to sweep all the plates off of the table.

Speaker 1:
[32:26] Yeah, I thought you were gonna say breakdancing. I figured you would say breakdancing.

Speaker 2:
[32:29] I'm going to rip... You heard me warn him twice, right? I'm gonna rip his arms right off of it. Like the second his shadow crosses over the plane of my honey vision...

Speaker 1:
[32:41] It's like a dog guarding its food bowl.

Speaker 2:
[32:44] I'm so sorry. I warned you twice. It's not me. It's Winnie the Pooh and his insatiable appetite for honey. So is that an attack?

Speaker 1:
[32:52] You're going to lay the smack roll down on him.

Speaker 2:
[32:54] Yeah, I sure am.

Speaker 1:
[32:55] Excellent.

Speaker 2:
[32:59] That's a seven. I'm going to use the heroic inspiration from earlier that you gave me. All right, that's better. 16 plus 6, 22.

Speaker 6:
[33:09] Okay. What do I roll?

Speaker 1:
[33:11] No, he is attacking against your AC, Clint.

Speaker 2:
[33:14] I mean, it could be like a strength check to see if I rip his arms off. I don't know if he's able to contest that.

Speaker 1:
[33:18] I'll give you this. Give me a dex saving throw. You need to get a 10 or higher to avoid being ripped into pieces. Rip, rip, rip, rip, rip, that's a six.

Speaker 2:
[33:35] Well, plus one, seven.

Speaker 4:
[33:36] I guess I'm done rolling.

Speaker 1:
[33:38] Now, Winnie the Pooh, give me a wisdom saving throw with advantage.

Speaker 2:
[33:43] With advantage, all right. Critical failure and a 14 plus... Why don't they just put all the shit on one screen?

Speaker 1:
[33:55] Technology hasn't evolved that far.

Speaker 2:
[33:57] Wisdom save is actually really good. That is a non-natural 20.

Speaker 1:
[34:02] A gentleman's 20?

Speaker 2:
[34:03] I don't like that either, man. But yeah.

Speaker 1:
[34:06] Okay, a GMO 20?

Speaker 2:
[34:08] Yeah, sure.

Speaker 1:
[34:08] Okay. With that 20, the anguish that you feel at the reaction you just had of ripping his limbs off, snaps you out of it for just long enough to see bowls of sticks and mud. And it's just enough to convince you it's not honey. Now, Philo, your arms and legs have been disconnected from your body.

Speaker 6:
[34:35] He didn't change them on my legs.

Speaker 1:
[34:36] Okay, sorry. Just his arms. But as a puppet, that's not as bad as it could be. How instant is his realization and declaration that he has realized the error of his ways? Because I have a drop kick in the chamber that unless he is like audibly protesting that he is no longer going to attack Philo, I am going to have to fire off.

Speaker 2:
[34:59] Yeah.

Speaker 1:
[35:01] It takes a second. It takes a second. Okay, I have to drop kick you.

Speaker 2:
[35:04] Do you understand? I fully understand my man. No hard feelings at all. I totally get it. I ripped the arms of your road dog.

Speaker 1:
[35:09] But it's a grapple drop kick. What does that mean? So it's like a grapple attack. The target must succeed on a strength desks. It chooses which saving throw DC equals eight plus profits plus strength or it has the grapple condition.

Speaker 2:
[35:23] I'll use strength. I'm better at that.

Speaker 1:
[35:24] Okay.

Speaker 2:
[35:26] Seven. Looks like Team Rocket's blasting off again.

Speaker 1:
[35:31] Yeah, 15. Okay, so I grapple in with my drop kick. So you drop kick him. I drop kick him, but at the end of it, he's grappled by my legs.

Speaker 5:
[35:40] Are you an octopus?

Speaker 2:
[35:41] What are you talking about?

Speaker 1:
[35:43] I mean, I don't know, it was just, I was about to-

Speaker 2:
[35:45] You kick my ass so hard, it buries into the stuffing of me.

Speaker 1:
[35:50] Does your boot get stuck in his asshole? No, it's like, okay, you guys gotta understand, I had a drop kick in the chamber. We've established that narratively, right? That's canon. I can't just stop the drop kick, but what I can do is make it a non-lethal, grappling drop kick at the last second.

Speaker 2:
[36:06] If Lady Goblin full blown drop kicked Winnie the Pooh, his ass would be back in the big machine to build a better factory.

Speaker 1:
[36:14] AA. Milne would be back working at the Sanoco station. There's no more Pooh to write about because I done killed it.

Speaker 2:
[36:19] But instead the foot goes in me.

Speaker 1:
[36:22] Here's what I'm going to say. If you want to control your drop kick that much, give me a deck saving throw to control the arc of your drop kick. Okay.

Speaker 2:
[36:33] This is going to be great.

Speaker 1:
[36:34] Would you prefer it is a high number or a low number?

Speaker 2:
[36:37] Is it a golf situation?

Speaker 1:
[36:39] It's a nine. I got a nine on it. With a nine, you boot him into a bush.

Speaker 2:
[36:45] All right. Could be worse.

Speaker 1:
[36:47] And out comes Winnie the Pooh.

Speaker 6:
[36:48] Oh bother.

Speaker 5:
[36:50] You kicked me quite a long way.

Speaker 1:
[36:52] I'm so sorry, Winnie, that I didn't realize you had snapped out of it. Oh yes.

Speaker 5:
[36:58] It's okay.

Speaker 1:
[36:59] I'm quite all right.

Speaker 5:
[37:01] Oh, terribly sorry. We should be moving on. Shall we continue on our journey?

Speaker 4:
[37:06] Absolutely.

Speaker 5:
[37:06] Lead the way.

Speaker 4:
[37:07] I need to cast one very important spell. It's called Mend. I want to put my arms back up.

Speaker 5:
[37:14] Can you do that without your arms? Yes. Oh, did I do that? Okay.

Speaker 4:
[37:20] It's okay, Winnie.

Speaker 2:
[37:21] Can I, am I dead or can I, I come out of the bush?

Speaker 1:
[37:25] No, you don't.

Speaker 2:
[37:25] I don't come out of the bush?

Speaker 1:
[37:26] No, when you fly on the other side of the bush, what you find is you stand up and you're on the other side of a stone wall that run between you and where you just were.

Speaker 2:
[37:34] This fucking forest sucks shit.

Speaker 4:
[37:38] Could you hand me those two arms?

Speaker 5:
[37:40] Of course. Do you want your left on your left and your right on your right or switch it up?

Speaker 4:
[37:43] Doesn't really matter. I'm very flexible.

Speaker 3:
[37:47] Okay. And I cash mend and my arms are back.

Speaker 5:
[37:51] Oh, excellent. Let's continue on, friends.

Speaker 2:
[37:54] Man, that's pretty good, Trav, actually.

Speaker 1:
[37:57] Did I hear him say friends like that? Friends. I want to do a perception check.

Speaker 2:
[38:02] Just because he called you his friend?

Speaker 1:
[38:03] Yeah, because we just established that we're not friends. Give me an insight check. We established like 10 minutes ago that we're not friends. Okay. Give me an insight check.

Speaker 2:
[38:10] That is our code word. That's how you know if we're being held hostage.

Speaker 1:
[38:14] 10 plus 13, like who's going to laugh at that? With a 13, it seems like either something's off or a big emotional moment has just happened and you missed it. You're not sure which one it is, but it's one of those two things.

Speaker 4:
[38:28] He did try to kill me. I think that would shake a person.

Speaker 5:
[38:31] Winnie, can I ask you something? Yes, of course. It's kind of tearing you up, which you did to Filo, isn't it?

Speaker 1:
[38:39] Yes, when I tore him up, it turns out the real tearing was in me.

Speaker 4:
[38:45] I forgive you, my child.

Speaker 1:
[38:48] Oh, okay, dad. Oh, I am rather peckish.

Speaker 5:
[38:53] Anyone hungry? I could go for a smack or a roll of jelly. See you again.

Speaker 1:
[39:03] Honey?

Speaker 6:
[39:05] Yes?

Speaker 5:
[39:05] It's too late.

Speaker 6:
[39:08] What is it, darling?

Speaker 1:
[39:09] I want another chance. Okay, he's going to start running off into a bush ahead of you about 10 feet to your left. He's going running.

Speaker 2:
[39:19] But I do shit like that all the time, so like it's not that weird.

Speaker 5:
[39:22] You'll never catch me.

Speaker 1:
[39:23] Okay, he said that. I'm going to throw the back of Jennifer Meyer at his kneecap.

Speaker 2:
[39:29] You are doing some really out there shit with attacks this evening.

Speaker 1:
[39:33] I'm trying to be a little more not, like I wouldn't try to sever the poo. Like I wouldn't sever his leg. He's a child of the Dicron. Okay, here's what I'll give you. His AC is 15. That's true. If you get a 15 to 18, then you control how hard you hit him. If you get over an 18, it's just gonna hit him and do damage.

Speaker 4:
[39:57] Okay.

Speaker 2:
[39:57] Come on, Juice.

Speaker 4:
[39:58] Okay.

Speaker 3:
[39:59] And 15 or under?

Speaker 1:
[40:00] Misses.

Speaker 4:
[40:02] Okay.

Speaker 1:
[40:03] So I rolled 11 plus six, 17. Right on the money sign. So what are you hoping to accomplish with this Jennifer Myers throw? Just hit the back of the kneecap, knock that little stupid bear to the ground.

Speaker 2:
[40:46] It's okay. Oh, bother.

Speaker 1:
[40:48] I'm sorry that you hit me with that axe.

Speaker 2:
[40:50] Who do I see?

Speaker 1:
[40:51] You're back there with Winnie the Pooh.

Speaker 2:
[40:52] Dude, you're in the wall zone with me, man.

Speaker 1:
[40:54] Wait, Winnie the Pooh's there? Yeah. Okay, I slapped Winnie the Pooh across the face as far as I care. What the?

Speaker 5:
[40:59] I told you. Oh. What did I say?

Speaker 1:
[41:01] What did I say?

Speaker 2:
[41:02] What did I tell you?

Speaker 5:
[41:04] You didn't tell me anything. He said that he was- You made me chase you.

Speaker 1:
[41:09] You made me throw my axe at you just to slow you down.

Speaker 5:
[41:12] Who are you? Something really funky is happening, and you're yelling at me, and it's making me so sad.

Speaker 1:
[41:25] Let me see your knee.

Speaker 2:
[41:26] My what?

Speaker 5:
[41:28] Your knee.

Speaker 2:
[41:29] Are you a subscriber?

Speaker 1:
[41:31] Okay. I flip him over. My credit card is regularly denied on OnlyFans. You know that. Now flip over.

Speaker 2:
[41:41] I show him my na- I show him my knees. They are un-axed.

Speaker 1:
[41:46] Okay. Something very confusing is happening, but for the life of me, I can't puzzle it out. Filo, meantime, you see your traveling companions, Lady Godwin and Winnie the Pooh, they have made up after their strange and brief fight right before your eyes. Now Filo.

Speaker 2:
[42:03] Yes.

Speaker 1:
[42:03] Should we get moving maybe back the way we came?

Speaker 4:
[42:07] Well, not back the way we came. We're going to head on out of the woods.

Speaker 1:
[42:12] Oh, I don't know about that. Yes, I agree.

Speaker 5:
[42:15] That might not be the best decision.

Speaker 2:
[42:17] It's hard to tell these two apart a little bit.

Speaker 4:
[42:20] Well, I, you know, we've operated all this time as a democracy. So yeah, well, let's go wherever you want.

Speaker 1:
[42:27] Hey guys, if we do this the right way, the three of us might get the second act off, which should be pretty cool. Winnie the Pooh. We'll get home in time for, you know, Winnie the Pooh points towards the bush and says, yes, let's go that way.

Speaker 4:
[42:41] But we didn't come that way.

Speaker 5:
[42:42] Yes, but that's the way we're going to go now.

Speaker 4:
[42:45] All right.

Speaker 1:
[42:46] You know what?

Speaker 4:
[42:47] After what we've all been through here over the last...

Speaker 1:
[42:50] Stop looking at me. I'm not there.

Speaker 4:
[42:52] 45 minutes. I think I should trust you because now we are friends.

Speaker 1:
[42:58] Filo crosses behind the bush and Filo comes back out to Winnie the Pooh and Lady Godwin. They're like, Oh, yeah. Wait, fuck. Oh, shit. Yes, we didn't think this one through, did we? Oh, bother. And the three of you are back on the other side of the wall now.

Speaker 3:
[43:18] Okay, so I saved the day. I'm the hero. Yoinks!

Speaker 4:
[43:31] Everyone drink!

Speaker 2:
[43:33] We need, okay, we need to give each other passwords, so in the future we know that we are the legitimate uss, but we can't let anyone else hear them unless they are needed.

Speaker 5:
[43:47] Are we agreed? Yes.

Speaker 3:
[43:50] I want...

Speaker 2:
[43:52] You are saying it out loud in the forest that wants to kill your mind.

Speaker 5:
[43:57] Okay, listen.

Speaker 1:
[43:59] The three of us have to come up with the secret code in secret together now. This is great podcast. Yeah.

Speaker 3:
[44:16] This is what's going to be interesting.

Speaker 4:
[44:17] Well, I think we have a foolproof plan now.

Speaker 3:
[44:19] Foolproof plan. If I had only not had earplugs in, then I could have heard it.

Speaker 1:
[44:25] You're right.

Speaker 2:
[44:26] Dad's only hearing through the monitor right now with his special ear attachment, so everyone plug your ears. No, I'm just kidding. That's not how I do this.

Speaker 1:
[44:33] You hear a rustling in the undergrowth in the leaves as a man in what at one point would have been a flamboyant and a very dressy attire, but is now very dirty and stained and ripped. Comes running up his hair is wild. He has a crazy look at his eye and he goes, tell me that you're real.

Speaker 4:
[44:55] Oh, what? Waffle something. Was it waffle that you said?

Speaker 2:
[44:59] I'll toddle right up to him. Dad just tried to put our fucking password on blast, but he did not hear it right.

Speaker 1:
[45:04] Dad, we said that in secret so Travis wouldn't hear.

Speaker 2:
[45:06] We took a break from doing the show for people to generate a secret password. The idea that you would belch it out like that is so hurtful to me.

Speaker 1:
[45:14] Not 30 seconds after the fact.

Speaker 2:
[45:16] So hurtful to me.

Speaker 1:
[45:18] But it wasn't the mention of waffles. That was just our opening idea. We have a different, better one, dad, that we didn't tell you because we knew you'd fucking blow it.

Speaker 3:
[45:28] Well played by me.

Speaker 2:
[45:30] I toddle right up to him and hold out my tummy.

Speaker 1:
[45:33] Go ahead. Go ahead. Oh, thank God. What is your name, young stuffed bear?

Speaker 2:
[45:43] My name is Winnie the Pooh of the Hundred Acre Woods.

Speaker 1:
[45:47] Fuck, that was good, man.

Speaker 2:
[45:48] What's your name?

Speaker 1:
[45:49] Bottom the Weaver, they call me. Perhaps the greatest bottom there ever was.

Speaker 5:
[45:57] Powerful I am.

Speaker 1:
[46:01] Power bottom, some call me.

Speaker 5:
[46:02] Yeah, we fucking get it, dog.

Speaker 1:
[46:04] Okay. Do you have... Travis is gonna die like Augustus Gloop in a tunnel of this gag.

Speaker 2:
[46:11] Do you have a donk... Does he have a donkey head? Cause that's like the only thing I remember. No, what the fuck are you talking about?

Speaker 1:
[46:17] He's a normal man.

Speaker 2:
[46:18] Okay, fine.

Speaker 1:
[46:19] Do you have a first name?

Speaker 5:
[46:21] Because I'd like to never say bottom again.

Speaker 1:
[46:23] Nick. Okay.

Speaker 5:
[46:25] Nick.

Speaker 1:
[46:26] But I prefer to be called bottom.

Speaker 2:
[46:28] Yes, absolutely. We could handle that.

Speaker 1:
[46:30] Are you real?

Speaker 5:
[46:32] Tell me you're real. Yeah.

Speaker 1:
[46:34] Well, in many ways, I am a pretender.

Speaker 2:
[46:38] Okay.

Speaker 5:
[46:39] We do not have time for this.

Speaker 1:
[46:41] Poke his belly quick. Poke my belly.

Speaker 2:
[46:45] He's real.

Speaker 1:
[46:47] That's foolproof. I have been trapped in this wood for God knows how long.

Speaker 2:
[46:52] Can I give an insight check on this? On this bottom to try to figure out what his deal is? Oh, that's pretty good. That's going to be an 18. And to that 18, I'm going to add a particular number, and that's going to be a plus three. So 21.

Speaker 1:
[47:06] He is a sincere idiot.

Speaker 2:
[47:08] Okay.

Speaker 1:
[47:09] Everything he is saying is true. When he says God knows how long, it's unclear whether that is because it's been a long amount of time or because he has failed to keep track of it. But he does seem to be sincere in his panic and his desire to be helped and befriend you.

Speaker 2:
[47:28] Okay. Bottom? Yes? I think you're the real deal Holyfield, but I'm not quite ready to tell you our secret password.

Speaker 1:
[47:36] That's fair. All I need is some food. God, sir, my hungry. My stomach, how it grumbles, how it rumbles empty it is. I am an empty bottom.

Speaker 2:
[47:53] Man.

Speaker 1:
[47:53] Looking to be filled. Okay.

Speaker 2:
[48:00] Well, there's an all you can eat honey buffet on the other side of that there wall.

Speaker 1:
[48:08] And you would share it with me?

Speaker 2:
[48:10] For sure, my friend.

Speaker 5:
[48:12] No problemo.

Speaker 2:
[48:14] Just get on over that wall and it's all the honey. And what was yours? Slabs of beef.

Speaker 4:
[48:19] Oh, there are holy wafers.

Speaker 2:
[48:21] And holy wafers. Jesus, they're going to blow you gore, bottom.

Speaker 1:
[48:26] Wait, don't you have some value we can extract from you? What a terrible way of looking at the world.

Speaker 2:
[48:36] How did you get here in the first place, bottom? Did you... I walked. So how do we walk out of here?

Speaker 1:
[48:44] If I knew that, young stuffed bear.

Speaker 2:
[48:47] You got me there.

Speaker 1:
[48:50] Here's what we're going to do, bottom. We're going to turn around, face the other way and walk until we're left. That's what we're going to do right now. We're all four of us going to turn around and walk out the way we came, because we haven't been in here that long, so we have the best chance of getting out. So you follow us on the way back out that we came in. And we'll all leave together. Makes sense to me! Perfect.

Speaker 4:
[49:14] In other words, we're going to use the back door.

Speaker 2:
[49:16] I am so ready.

Speaker 1:
[49:26] I, not at his age, not at his age. It's embarrassing.

Speaker 2:
[49:31] Can I deploy my druidic knowledge of the woods, my home biome, to try to get some sort of a bearing here? Bearing?

Speaker 6:
[49:40] Yeah, thanks dad.

Speaker 2:
[49:42] I can always count on you. I can, I have wild shape. Can I just like turn into a bird and do, give it a quick butchers? Can I do a quick butchers of the forest?

Speaker 1:
[49:52] Give me an arcana check before you do.

Speaker 2:
[49:55] Okay, an arcana check. That's gonna be a 10 plus a 2, a 12.

Speaker 1:
[50:02] There is a strange kind of vibration of magic from the leaves and trees around you. You could try, but you're unsure of what success would look like.

Speaker 2:
[50:11] Okay, I don't want to turn into a bird because I don't actually think I can do that. But I thought if I said it fast enough, it would just kind of go through on a technicality, which has happened so many times before here on this program. I just want to use my nature understanding to see if I can figure out a heading that we should be going towards. Yeah, go for it. So I guess just a nature check.

Speaker 1:
[50:34] Can this be trying to find out how to execute on what I just said? Like he's trying to get a heading on their way back out, or are you trying to find a different way forward?

Speaker 2:
[50:43] I don't know. I come from the woods, so I would like to utilize that knowledge in some way, shape or form.

Speaker 1:
[50:50] Very general.

Speaker 2:
[50:52] Nature, plus five. Nat 20.

Speaker 1:
[50:54] Okay. Okay. With a Nat 20, you sense that nature magic that you were feeling, that strange vibration. You get a sense of the direction to which that just keeps getting stronger. And you get a vague sense of that starts dissipating in this direction. And from your eyes, right, the way that it keeps getting stronger seems to be the thinnest of the woods, what you might consider a path. And you see behind you thick undergrowth, seemingly no way to pass. And that is where the magic weakens.

Speaker 2:
[51:40] Listen, I know we had a whole thing, but we gotta go through the thick stuff. Gotta go where it's thickest if we wanna get out of here. Why, the path is easy, but as a good friend of mine once said in a poem, don't take that one. Try the other one, he said in his poem, it's pretty chill.

Speaker 4:
[52:01] You know, I have picked up my two arms.

Speaker 2:
[52:05] No, I see that, and I'm really sorry, by the way. We're gonna be working through the traumas of today for quite a while, I think.

Speaker 4:
[52:12] I could go to the thicket and pick it with a stick, just to see.

Speaker 2:
[52:19] Yeah, sure. Well, I don't actually think there was a plan associated with that freestyle rap you just did, but...

Speaker 4:
[52:26] I was just trying to work in an Into the Woods reference.

Speaker 2:
[52:29] Sure, okay.

Speaker 7:
[52:31] So, sure, let's go deeper into the woods.

Speaker 2:
[52:35] It's an illusion, trust me. Okay?

Speaker 1:
[52:38] I'll follow Winnie. When he says to trust him, what does that trust look like from you, Lady Godwin? To trust him? That it's an illusion. What do you mean? What do you mean? Like, do you still, what do you do? That I trust, I follow Winnie the Pooh wherever he goes. Okay. Winnie, what are you doing?

Speaker 2:
[52:58] I'm gonna walk towards them thick branches to try and part them with my druidic magic because I rolled a goddamn natural 20 on my nature roll. And if that turns out to be a trick, I'm going to be protesting the act two of this show from out in the lobby.

Speaker 1:
[53:13] Okay. Give me a wisdom saving throw.

Speaker 2:
[53:17] All of us or just me?

Speaker 1:
[53:17] No.

Speaker 2:
[53:18] Yeah.

Speaker 1:
[53:18] Wisdom saving. Just you, Winnie.

Speaker 2:
[53:23] 18 plus 6. 24.

Speaker 1:
[53:27] So you know it's an illusion. You say to yourself, this is an illusion. You start moving towards this thicket faster and faster. And you start to feel doubt like there's, I don't know. And you overcome it. And you say, this is an illusion. And you become more confident in your steps and you hit this line of thorny brush that looks like it is just going to tear your soft felt outer skin, a sunder, but instead you feel nothing. You bust through and you're in a clearing and you see Puck there with Shakespeare dangling over a boiling pot of some weird green fluid. As the three of you come busting through and Puck goes, oh, shit.

Speaker 2:
[54:10] You made me eat bugs and farts today.

Speaker 1:
[54:20] Yeah, that's a statement of fact, and I agree. I think there should be a second, try again, but at the second half, I should put like a warning or something like a follow-up or some sort of action. Otherwise, it was just a checklist of all some things I did. Puck, I never do this.

Speaker 5:
[54:38] Can we try again?

Speaker 1:
[54:40] You want a second run at the entry line?

Speaker 4:
[54:43] Yeah.

Speaker 1:
[54:44] Take it from the top. Okay. Okay.

Speaker 4:
[54:48] Yeah.

Speaker 2:
[54:49] You made me eat bugs and faults today and I don't like that. So now we're gonna kill you and save, what's up, William Shakespeare?

Speaker 1:
[55:14] Well, I don't know about that. I'm not a fighter, I'm a lover. So perhaps it makes more sense for you to fight each other. And from behind him steps Fraudwin, Folo and Winnie the Two. And we're gonna roll initiative when we come back after intermission. Everybody head out into the lobby, grab yourself a poster, grab yourself a drink and we'll be right back. Hey everybody, it's us again. Jump back in to remind you that it's the Max Fund Drive. A lot of options for joining, a lot of rewards. One of them, you can become a new member, right? You've never been a member before. You can also upgrade your membership. Maybe you've been doing $5 a month for a while now. You listen to even more shows, or the spirit is moving you. You can move up to $10 a month, $20 a month, whatever. You can also boost your membership. Maybe you're not ready to move up to the next membership level, but you want to toss a little extra coin to your witcher. That's us in this scenario. You can do that. All three of those contribute to our overall total of new upgrading and boosting members. Go to maximumfund.org/join. Like I said, there's a lot of different levels with a lot of different rewards. Isn't that right, Glenn?

Speaker 3:
[56:48] Why, it certainly is, son.

Speaker 1:
[56:50] So natural.

Speaker 3:
[56:51] $5 level, we've got the Taz Cousinverse, Roll to Realize. We got all the past highlights, Lords of Crunch and our episode with Matt Mercer. All the Charlieverse stuff, making up.

Speaker 1:
[57:05] I'm going to jump in real quick because I don't know if we mentioned this before, but Max Fund members, we've also been putting up live show audio early before it gets published to the main channel.

Speaker 2:
[57:14] Yeah, that's right.

Speaker 1:
[57:15] That's available to members as well before it's available to anyone else.

Speaker 3:
[57:19] We're very thoughtful about things like that. $10 level, all that stuff, and also the Duber on Board enameled keychain.

Speaker 2:
[57:28] I mean, that's if they choose Taz.

Speaker 4:
[57:30] If they choose Taz as their show of choice.

Speaker 1:
[57:32] What else are they going to choose? Why are they listening to this break if they're not going to choose Taz?

Speaker 2:
[57:36] It's a good point.

Speaker 3:
[57:37] Good point. Yeah, Taz is it. You get that Duber on Board keychain, $20 a month, all that stuff, plus the Good Clean Fund toiletry bag or the embroidered rocket visor.

Speaker 1:
[57:49] And dad, I'm seeing on here, is this true? A lot of the shows, including Taz, are going to be going ad free if you have a $10 a month membership.

Speaker 2:
[57:57] Is that right? Yeah.

Speaker 3:
[57:58] I sat down and made the decision that we owed that to our listeners.

Speaker 1:
[58:02] Very bold leadership.

Speaker 3:
[58:04] Well, you know, that's what I am, the Peter Familia, as you know, Justin. $20 a month, the Good Clean Fund toiletry bag, the embroidered rocket visor, $35 a month, all that other stuff, plus an insulated stainless steel water bottle.

Speaker 1:
[58:19] That's the best kind of steel. It's un-maxed.

Speaker 2:
[58:22] You're not. Just try and stain it.

Speaker 3:
[58:24] $50, it's the Custom Metal Max Fund membership card.

Speaker 1:
[58:27] Amazing. I mean, the point is, these are all, if you help at any of these levels, obviously, you're an amazing champion. But the real thing is, you're helping to make shows happen. You're making shows possible. We've been doing this show for, gosh, 13 years and a half. 12. Is that right? 13 years. And it's a real joy that happens because of your enthusiasm and your excitement.

Speaker 2:
[58:48] So we've been able to hire a whole staff to help us make all of our shows, including Rachel, our editor, who does so much incredible sound design work here for The Adventure Zone. We've got a real actual team of people who help us make all this stuff. And we were only able to grow and make all of the things that we make with their help because of your help. When you go to maximumfun.org/join, you pick the shows that you listen to. Some of the money that you kick in goes towards Max Fun to help with all the administrative stuff. And the rest of it goes directly to shows like us. And it's why we've been able to do this for so, so long. So if you enjoy Taz and you get something out of the shows that we listen to, or you just think Max Fun is cool, it is cool. There's not really another media company I know out there like it, putting out shows like this and letting the creators keep all the rights and being co-op-owned is a great thing that they are doing. And we're so proud to be a part of it. And we hope that if you enjoy listening to our shows, you will think about supporting it very directly at maximumfun.org/join and get a bunch of great stuff. What?

Speaker 1:
[59:54] Ditto.

Speaker 2:
[59:56] That's him.

Speaker 1:
[59:56] He's the dream.

Speaker 2:
[59:57] Oh, I thought you were saying like my name.

Speaker 1:
[59:59] Oh, okay. I want to get back to the show.

Speaker 4:
[60:02] Okay.

Speaker 2:
[60:03] Please go.

Speaker 1:
[60:11] Let's kill William Shakespeare.

Speaker 2:
[60:14] No.

Speaker 1:
[60:14] No, that's not.

Speaker 4:
[60:15] Yeah.

Speaker 1:
[60:16] Justin, that's not what's happening.

Speaker 5:
[60:18] Let's get his old ass.

Speaker 2:
[60:19] Well, that's not.

Speaker 1:
[60:23] Let's roll for initiative.

Speaker 2:
[60:24] Okay.

Speaker 1:
[60:25] Griffin, were you about to start playing some games? What? It looks like you were about to start gaming.

Speaker 2:
[60:29] Dad grabbed my knee, and I was like, is he dying? Is this it? Is this it? Oh God, is it gonna happen on stage or no?

Speaker 3:
[60:34] I've always said I wanted to die on stage.

Speaker 2:
[60:37] Yeah, you have said that.

Speaker 1:
[60:38] I've seen you die on stage many times, Clint.

Speaker 3:
[60:41] That is a, I really walked into that one, dude.

Speaker 1:
[60:44] You sure did. Well, hobbled into it mostly. You're very old. Okay.

Speaker 2:
[60:50] 19 plus 2 for 21. Yeah, it's pretty good.

Speaker 1:
[60:54] It's pretty good. 11 plus 2, 13.

Speaker 3:
[60:57] 18 plus 1, 19.

Speaker 1:
[61:01] Yeah, now I roll a high number. What did you get, what did you get, Justin?

Speaker 2:
[61:04] 13.

Speaker 5:
[61:08] Get his ass, yes.

Speaker 1:
[61:09] No, actually, that was good.

Speaker 2:
[61:10] We normally discourage this level of audience involvement, but you fucking dragged his ass.

Speaker 1:
[61:14] Yeah, yeah, that was good. That was good.

Speaker 2:
[61:22] You know what's weird is that at the top of Winnie the Pooh's character sheet at his inventory is Carpenter's Tools. Why the fuck, man?

Speaker 5:
[61:30] Why do I got that?

Speaker 1:
[61:31] Well, he was the son of a Carpenter Winnie the Pooh was.

Speaker 2:
[61:34] I guess so.

Speaker 1:
[61:36] No, sorry, that was Jesus. Here's our poster up here. Hey, everybody.

Speaker 2:
[61:41] Maddie Vian did a kickass job at this poster. Wild about it, all the special little details, and there should still be some available out in the lobby. If you want to grab them. Also, the Paul Subbord Memorial Camp Food Drive is still rocking, and we're donating all proceeds of that challenge going to the Mid-Ohio Food Collective. So grab one of those if you're able.

Speaker 1:
[62:00] I miss you, Paul.

Speaker 2:
[62:01] I miss you, Paul, so is my Paul.

Speaker 1:
[62:04] RIP rest in Paul.

Speaker 3:
[62:05] Guys, he can hear us.

Speaker 1:
[62:07] I know, Dad. It feels like he's still with us.

Speaker 5:
[62:10] Paul is watching.

Speaker 1:
[62:14] All right, Pooh, you are up first. You are faced with Winnie the Two, Fraudwin and Folo, as well as in the background there, you have Puck dangling William Shakespeare over a boiling vat of green, strange liquid.

Speaker 2:
[62:32] Gosh, it really feels like I should deal with that situation first, but I'm not. I am going to point at Winnie the Two and I'll say, accept no substitutes. I'm going to cast plant growth, specifically overgrowth. All normal plants on 100 foot radius sphere center on that point become thick and overgrown. Travis, the type of plant I would like to specifically conjure up and grow today is those nasty nasty vines that whipped my two cohorts earlier in the evening to try to give him a taste of, I guess, his own medicine.

Speaker 1:
[63:15] So you're going to whip him with thorns?

Speaker 2:
[63:17] Yeah, I guess so.

Speaker 1:
[63:18] Yeah. But not thorn whip, which is the thing you have.

Speaker 2:
[63:21] I figured this would be cooler and a call back.

Speaker 1:
[63:24] Okay, let's do it.

Speaker 2:
[63:25] So you would make it hurt more than a cantrip that I can shit out any Friday night.

Speaker 1:
[63:31] Okay, what do I need to do? Is it an attack roll or is it?

Speaker 2:
[63:34] Well, I'm bending the rules of what plant growth does. So I'm going to say dexterity saving throw or you take one million points of damage.

Speaker 1:
[63:41] Well, hold on. One of those I'll give you.

Speaker 4:
[63:44] You're trying to beat 200.

Speaker 1:
[63:48] That is a nat 20.

Speaker 2:
[63:49] Mother fucker.

Speaker 1:
[63:50] Fuck.

Speaker 6:
[63:50] Fuck you, Winnie the Pooh.

Speaker 1:
[63:52] No, Winnie the Two, please. You're right. Winnie the Two does 18 backflips.

Speaker 2:
[63:57] Shit. Whoa. That is what I do. You got me.

Speaker 1:
[64:02] I learned it from watching you, dad. Okay, now I have a question. When Winnie the Two does 18 backflips, do I clock that? Do you count all of them? No. Do I see the 18 backflips and I'm like, that's a fake Winnie the Pooh.

Speaker 2:
[64:20] I'm standing next to you.

Speaker 1:
[64:22] I know, but there's a lot of charms and deceptions here. I don't blame you.

Speaker 2:
[64:26] Yeah, for sure.

Speaker 1:
[64:26] I just want to make sure. I want to store that away for later, that I have a way of telling these two apart. That's all. Okay. Do a wisdom saving throw. Saving throw. Interesting. Okay. Wisdom check. Okay. Now I'll do your saving throw. It's fine. Plus zero either way. 17. Yeah. That's not what-

Speaker 5:
[64:45] I'm next to you.

Speaker 1:
[64:46] You saw this Winnie the Pooh. Walk out from behind the puck. Do 18 backflips and you're like, huh? That does seem like-

Speaker 5:
[64:54] No, you know what?

Speaker 1:
[64:55] I'll tell you. I don't think that's him. Okay, Trav, here's what I was eggling for, I guess, is that I would also notice some kind of mole or something that wouldn't let me differentiate the two of them forever. You understand?

Speaker 2:
[65:08] I have that hole you kicked into my ass. That's me. Hey, check this shit out though. This is really gonna zing you, dude. I may have missed with the attack, but every creature moving through this area must spin four feet of movement for everyone. Got you. Good luck dealing with that minor inconvenience.

Speaker 1:
[65:30] Okay. I'll make sure to write that down. Dad, you are up.

Speaker 3:
[65:37] Brother Filo is going to use one of his many infusions.

Speaker 4:
[65:41] Like B12 or?

Speaker 3:
[65:43] He's going to sick it on Lady Fraud One.

Speaker 1:
[65:48] Okay.

Speaker 2:
[65:49] Kind of fucked up that you're not attacking your own doppelganger, I think.

Speaker 1:
[65:53] I actually think it's less fucked up. I want to say I think it would be more fucked up if he was like, I've been looking for a chance to beat the shit out of myself. Yeah, yeah. Hey, Griffin, let's talk about problems. Like what you just said is, Dad, why wouldn't you kill yourself if you had the chance? Is that every man's dream to kill himself, to kill his own image?

Speaker 3:
[66:15] So, my good friends, Brother Filo brings out his old friend, Crow Nuts.

Speaker 2:
[66:27] The sweet puppet pumpkin homunculi.

Speaker 3:
[66:31] The pumpkin homunculi that freaks out Lady Godwin.

Speaker 1:
[66:35] Okay, Dad, who 3D printed that for you? Because somebody did.

Speaker 3:
[66:39] Your Middlest Brother 3D printed that for me.

Speaker 2:
[66:41] You're on my shit list now, Travis.

Speaker 1:
[66:44] And very carefully painted it. That's Dad's Father's Day present. Aww, cute.

Speaker 6:
[66:51] Cronut, attack!

Speaker 3:
[66:53] Cronut's gonna fly right into Lady Fraudwin's face.

Speaker 2:
[66:57] Assuming that Lady Fraudwin possesses the terrible fear of pumpkins. I have to.

Speaker 3:
[67:02] If not, then my entire purpose this evening is for nothing.

Speaker 2:
[67:08] Wow.

Speaker 1:
[67:08] Well, don't dangle that fucking carrot in front of me, Dad. To know that I could take away your entire purpose?

Speaker 6:
[67:17] You, you, you made it.

Speaker 1:
[67:18] I know, and I'm really struggling with the dichotomy of feeling successful in my 3D print or ruining my dad's existence.

Speaker 2:
[67:26] Look at his little leg.

Speaker 1:
[67:28] Damn it, you've sold me on his little articulated legs. Okay, Pops, make an attack roll for me.

Speaker 6:
[67:35] Al.

Speaker 2:
[67:35] Jesus Christ, man. You got too many fucking props on the table, Clint.

Speaker 1:
[67:40] You're like my fucking kids at Red Lobster, man. Just toys everywhere. Give me an attack roll plus four, Clint. Get this man a placemat, some crayons.

Speaker 3:
[67:50] Okay.

Speaker 1:
[67:52] And a lid for his Coke Zero, if you don't mind.

Speaker 2:
[67:54] Sorry, what did you need from our father?

Speaker 1:
[67:55] An attack roll plus four, so a D20 plus four. There's so much swiping.

Speaker 3:
[68:02] Yeah, okay, plus four. That's a 23.

Speaker 6:
[68:08] Yeah.

Speaker 1:
[68:10] Holy shit, what is that? How did you? Oh my God, is that a flying jack-o-lantern? Yes.

Speaker 6:
[68:20] Fuck shit.

Speaker 3:
[68:21] Listen to your knees.

Speaker 1:
[68:23] Okay, give me a one D8 plus two damage. And Lady Godwin, I'd like you to make a wisdom saving throw with advantage, please. Yeah, I saw that coming. Thank you.

Speaker 6:
[68:33] Okay. One D8, that's six plus two is eight.

Speaker 1:
[68:38] My first wisdom saving throw is a five. My second wisdom saving throw is a 15. That's 10 more. All right. In this moment, that pumpkin's a friend. You're not sure about next time, but right now, you know that it's higher is not directed towards you. Okay. Up next, though, is Folo, who is going to come swinging in with their quarterstaff aimed for you, Winnie the Pooh.

Speaker 6:
[69:06] Do I have a quarterstaff?

Speaker 1:
[69:07] You do, man. You have Polarm Mastery? Shit. And you bring that shit up all the time.

Speaker 6:
[69:14] Yeah.

Speaker 1:
[69:16] All right.

Speaker 2:
[69:17] Do your best.

Speaker 1:
[69:18] Nat 20.

Speaker 2:
[69:19] Do worse than that. Do not do your best, no. All right, Nat 20, sure. I got hit points for days. Chill.

Speaker 1:
[69:28] Okay, so that's going to be 12 damage.

Speaker 2:
[69:31] No problem.

Speaker 1:
[69:32] Whap. Whap. It hits you quite good. And then with Polarm Mastery.

Speaker 2:
[69:37] Goddamn Polarm Mastery. You got me again.

Speaker 1:
[69:42] That is an 18 plus 4, 22.

Speaker 2:
[69:46] Fuck that single dice you have there. Yeah, that hits my AC.

Speaker 1:
[69:49] Why, this is one of the Flamebright dice available on mcelroymerge.com.

Speaker 2:
[69:53] Yeah.

Speaker 1:
[69:55] That's another 4 points of damage.

Speaker 2:
[69:57] Great. No problem. Not even worried about it at all.

Speaker 1:
[70:01] Godwin, you are up.

Speaker 2:
[70:03] Okay.

Speaker 1:
[70:06] So what do we got in front of me? Lay out the landscape. Another Winnie the Pooh, another Godwin and another Phylo. How many of them are dead so far?

Speaker 2:
[70:15] None, man.

Speaker 5:
[70:16] We haven't done very good at all.

Speaker 2:
[70:19] I did make it somewhat more difficult for them to move through the space that surrounds them.

Speaker 1:
[70:25] Okay. Are we, can I ask this Travis? Are we in any way confused about this? Not currently. It's still two lines. Okay. I'm going to punch myself in the face as hard as I can. I'm gonna need you to clarify, Justin. Okay. I'm going to punch the other me in the face as hard as I can. Ah, I almost got you. Honestly, anything else feels mean, right? It's like Winnie the Pooh and Pinocchio. So I think I'm just going to punch the adult woman. You know what I mean? Like, yeah, sure. All right. Make yourself an attack role. Are you doing unarmed strength? Yeah. I want to be kind to the mug, you know? Mess up the goods. Two. Fuck, man. Wait, but I get another one. I'm a fighter, right? Fighters take several hits, attacks, right? Yeah. Okay. Yeah. Thank you, everyone, for backing me up. It's a nine. Fuck me. No, a nine plus six. Nope. I didn't say that. I said a nine. Oh, shit. I did the math on my own, brother. Yeah, it's a nine all day. Well, up next is Lady Fraudwin. Ah, man. Who is now going to take a swing at you. Oh, sheesh. With Stephanie Gilbert, her ax. That is an eight plus six, 14. That ties. Yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 2:
[71:58] All right.

Speaker 1:
[71:58] Yeah. That is how that works. And that's going to be one D12 plus three.

Speaker 2:
[72:03] Guys, we're getting our asses kicked in front of all of Columbus.

Speaker 1:
[72:06] That's 13 points of damage. Ouch. And then as you pointed out, a second attack. Yeah, thank you. Now wait, is that- That's a 19. Are they actually a barbarian or are they an illusion? They're a barbarian. Okay. The illusion of one. Okay. So that's 25 to hit. Okay. That does just clear it. Okay, great. And, okay, that's one plus three, only four points of damage. Oh, okay, good. I can-

Speaker 2:
[72:37] That's like nothing at all. Don't even worry about it.

Speaker 1:
[72:39] No worries. Okay. And up next is Winnie the Two.

Speaker 2:
[72:45] Shit, he's going to be so mad at me.

Speaker 5:
[72:48] He's going to be so mad at me.

Speaker 1:
[72:49] Winnie the Two is going to thorn whip at you and say, this is how you do it, motherfucker. Uh, no, not with a not one. That's not how you do it. Who bother?

Speaker 3:
[73:06] I'd say that's so bad. Some of it ought to get on him.

Speaker 2:
[73:08] Yeah, the thorns. As he whips, the thorns come off the whip and hit him in the eyes and he dies from it. I say, good luck moving your full speed, dipshit.

Speaker 1:
[73:21] No, but I will say the fairy that is embodying Winnie the Two knows he's going to have to explain it to his partner later and he's going to be really embarrassed. Yeah, sure. So just know that he'll take psychic damage later.

Speaker 2:
[73:32] It's a moral victory for sure.

Speaker 1:
[73:33] OK, we're back at the top of the order with Winnie the Pooh.

Speaker 2:
[73:36] This is how you do it, motherfucker. I'll hit him. I'll hit him with a good old fashioned thorn whip.

Speaker 1:
[73:46] OK, so wait, just so I can understand your progression.

Speaker 2:
[73:49] Yeah.

Speaker 1:
[73:49] What you've done is you failed to hit him with a shitty simulacra of a thorn whip and you've lured him into a false sense of security. And now just when he thinks you can't thorn whip, you're going to thorn whip him.

Speaker 3:
[74:02] And he's going to lean into it because he thinks it's fake.

Speaker 2:
[74:04] Yeah.

Speaker 1:
[74:04] Right.

Speaker 2:
[74:05] Does a 24 hit my fake ass?

Speaker 1:
[74:11] Yeah, it does.

Speaker 2:
[74:14] That is going to be nine points of damage on the thorn whip of my fake ass.

Speaker 1:
[74:25] All my beautiful stuffings coming out.

Speaker 2:
[74:28] Is it?

Speaker 1:
[74:29] Yeah, not all of it.

Speaker 2:
[74:31] I take it to get stronger.

Speaker 1:
[74:38] Yeah, give me a constitution check, Griffin. That's how it works at the Build-a-Bear. Yeah.

Speaker 2:
[74:45] Just a constitution check?

Speaker 1:
[74:46] Yeah.

Speaker 3:
[74:47] I just checked Ohio State Law, cannibalism is forbidden.

Speaker 2:
[74:52] That is going to be a 14 plus zero, 14.

Speaker 1:
[74:55] Yeah, with a 14, you're gonna pick up five bonus, like temporary hit points.

Speaker 2:
[75:00] Okay, I'll take five tip hit points, thank you.

Speaker 1:
[75:02] Oh no, that's my stuffing.

Speaker 2:
[75:05] Not anymore, it's not. It's up there with the bugs and sticks and mud.

Speaker 1:
[75:15] I forgot about that. All right, dad, you're up.

Speaker 3:
[75:19] Cast flaming sphere on, cast flaming sphere, the round thing full of fire.

Speaker 1:
[75:27] Hey, can we take it back from one just real quick? We're gonna run it back, give dad a second. Hey everybody, I'm Justin McElroy, welcome to The Adventure Zone. I will also take this moment to kindly remind you guys of your pocket advantage from your fairy friends. Oh yeah.

Speaker 2:
[75:40] I have not forgotten.

Speaker 1:
[75:41] Okay.

Speaker 2:
[75:42] I just am saving it for real good shit, man.

Speaker 3:
[75:46] I cast flaming sphere on Brother Philo's double ganger.

Speaker 1:
[75:51] Folo.

Speaker 4:
[75:52] Folo.

Speaker 3:
[75:52] Folo.

Speaker 4:
[75:53] Okay.

Speaker 2:
[75:55] He needs to make a dexterity saving throw.

Speaker 1:
[75:57] Thank you, Griffin. I love having Griffin as dad's spell interpreter. It's so helpful. That's not great. You said a dexterity saving throw. Dexterity saving throw. That is an eight plus one, a nine. No.

Speaker 3:
[76:19] That does not avoid and...

Speaker 1:
[76:22] Talking to the mic.

Speaker 6:
[76:23] 2D6. Right there.

Speaker 1:
[76:25] Right in the mic. It's the one in front of you.

Speaker 6:
[76:27] 2D6.

Speaker 3:
[76:28] Six and a three. That's nine.

Speaker 1:
[76:31] Okay. That is going to, because I don't know if you know this as a puppet, he is made of wood.

Speaker 2:
[76:36] Yeah.

Speaker 1:
[76:37] Be double damage. So that is going to hit him for 18.

Speaker 2:
[76:42] You look like a fucking high profile stockbroker right now with the many character sheets you have in front of you. It's so...

Speaker 1:
[76:49] This is how a professional DM does it, Griffin. Read a book.

Speaker 2:
[76:54] No, he's got me. No, he got my ass.

Speaker 1:
[77:26] My big dad took my character sheets again. Dagnabbit.

Speaker 4:
[77:29] God damn it, he's so big.

Speaker 1:
[77:31] All right, so then, Folo.

Speaker 2:
[77:33] Is anyone else in the range of that burning flaming sphere? Cause it does have a bit of a range.

Speaker 1:
[77:39] Oh, what's the size of it?

Speaker 6:
[77:42] Five feet.

Speaker 2:
[77:43] Five feet.

Speaker 6:
[77:43] Yeah, you didn't notice that when you were kibitzing?

Speaker 1:
[77:47] What kibitzing did I do?

Speaker 2:
[77:48] It's a five foot diameter sphere.

Speaker 1:
[77:50] I gave you double damage. What the fuck are you talking about, old man?

Speaker 2:
[77:54] He's talking about me. I'm talking about him.

Speaker 4:
[77:56] Okay, yeah.

Speaker 1:
[77:57] Um, no, every, like, it's about evenly spaced.

Speaker 2:
[78:04] Cool, I'm glad I said something.

Speaker 1:
[78:07] Folo is going to run an attempt to tackle Filo.

Speaker 4:
[78:13] Yes.

Speaker 6:
[78:14] Oh, good luck with that.

Speaker 1:
[78:16] Just tell me somebody videos it, please. Give me a dexterity saving throw, Clint.

Speaker 6:
[78:23] Yes. Travis.

Speaker 2:
[78:24] Lady Godwin only likes Bunraku pornography. It's the only thing.

Speaker 1:
[78:29] You will need to beat a 15.

Speaker 6:
[78:33] I got a six.

Speaker 1:
[78:37] Not quite. The two of you go rolling. Just, is it ass over tea kettle? Is that the term? You go rolling in a big tumble when you come up, it is unclear which one is which.

Speaker 2:
[78:51] I lost track. Did you follow Lady Godwin?

Speaker 1:
[78:54] I have a good way of telling you apart, but not him, no.

Speaker 4:
[78:59] It's me, Filo.

Speaker 1:
[79:01] It's me, Filo.

Speaker 2:
[79:03] This is it, the moment we've practiced. Go ahead and say our secret password that you definitely heard and remember.

Speaker 1:
[79:12] We'll see it on the count of three.

Speaker 2:
[79:15] One.

Speaker 5:
[79:16] Wait, okay, hold on.

Speaker 1:
[79:24] Here we have, would we have like a, is there some sort of magical reason we could have to talk for a second where you two are here? One!

Speaker 2:
[79:33] Hold on, I wanna be over here so I can see both of you at the same time.

Speaker 1:
[79:39] Okay, okay, wait, they're gonna, okay, yeah, they gotta get the whole, okay. One, two, three!

Speaker 4:
[79:52] Waffles, waffles.

Speaker 2:
[79:55] We did say waffles, it's a certain point, so.

Speaker 5:
[79:58] Chicken hand!

Speaker 2:
[79:59] Nope, this is the phony right here.

Speaker 1:
[80:05] All right, up next is Lady Godwin. I'm gonna shove one Pinocchio into the other.

Speaker 2:
[80:14] Yeah, dude.

Speaker 1:
[80:16] You gotta succeed on a strength or dex. Wait, which one are you shoving? Uh, I don't know. Left? By what way can I answer that question? You Justin know which one's which. I know, but like, I, Lady Godwin doesn't, so what do you want me to say? Left, you, I mean dad, I don't know. Why wouldn't I attack dad if I have the option, right? Yeah, attack dad.

Speaker 2:
[80:40] Love?

Speaker 1:
[80:40] Yeah, okay, no, I'm saying.

Speaker 2:
[80:42] If you wanted love, you should have learned the password.

Speaker 1:
[80:45] That's right. And let that be a lesson to all of you. That's right, okay. Everyone who feels love in the world knows the password that you don't. Exactly. Okay, here's what I think, Travis. Yeah, flip a coin. Okay, even you attack dad, odds you attack me.

Speaker 2:
[81:05] Wait, shouldn't Justin roll it?

Speaker 1:
[81:07] That's okay. Add to 10, you attack dad. Okay, dad, I'm going to do a, so you got to succeed on a strength or dex saving throw. So, roll strength or dex, you choose whichever one is best for you.

Speaker 2:
[81:26] It's these woods, man. They're really turning us against each other in a way that is going to be so healing when we're done with it.

Speaker 6:
[81:33] Where'd it go?

Speaker 1:
[81:34] Did you say, where'd it go? That's fucking chilling. Look at your little son. I don't help you with this stuff.

Speaker 3:
[81:39] No, I mean, it was a 20. It was a 20.

Speaker 1:
[81:43] Look at your special boy. He's helped you all the time. You never even asked me. Ask your special little wonder boy.

Speaker 3:
[81:49] I don't ask him to lean over and tell me what to do.

Speaker 1:
[81:52] No, I know.

Speaker 2:
[81:52] He says it was a 20.

Speaker 1:
[81:55] Dad's never lied to me in my life.

Speaker 3:
[81:56] Yeah, that's right, son.

Speaker 1:
[82:00] Okay, so I'm going to believe it was a 20. A Nat 20 or a GMO 20? Now hold on, you're losing it. I was believing you 30 seconds prior.

Speaker 6:
[82:10] I don't know what GMO means.

Speaker 1:
[82:12] Fake 20.

Speaker 3:
[82:13] No, it was a real 20.

Speaker 2:
[82:15] You get multiple attacks, right Lady Godwin? Yes. Talking is a free action, right?

Speaker 4:
[82:19] Yeah.

Speaker 2:
[82:19] Can I just say, which one of the two used the real Pinocchio?

Speaker 4:
[82:25] Not me, and my nose grows.

Speaker 1:
[82:28] Not me, and my nose grows. Wait, no, fuck, it doesn't grow.

Speaker 4:
[82:34] All right.

Speaker 1:
[82:34] Shit. I hit that one in the face with my ax.

Speaker 3:
[82:39] Which one?

Speaker 1:
[82:40] The one that fucked up. I was too deep in character. Yeah, that hits. All right. Yeah, that's one D12 plus three. 10 points of damage. I don't know if you know this about wood analysis, but it is a weakness that wood has.

Speaker 2:
[83:02] Also, I'm just now thinking about it. This Pinocchio would have been horribly burned. So.

Speaker 1:
[83:10] So he had it coming, you think?

Speaker 2:
[83:12] No, I'm just saying it should have been pretty easy to tell the two of these guys apart.

Speaker 1:
[83:16] Okay, so you hit him for 20 points of damage. Okay.

Speaker 5:
[83:21] Is he still ticking?

Speaker 1:
[83:24] Barely.

Speaker 2:
[83:24] I look at this Pinocchio, damn son, you're made of sturdier stuff than I would have assumed at first blush.

Speaker 3:
[83:31] Yeah, this ain't no balsa here, Pat.

Speaker 1:
[83:34] Sure. Winning the two, no, sorry, Fraudwin is going to take a swing at Philo with Stephanie Gilbert. That is, Jesus Christ, a 19 plus six, 25.

Speaker 2:
[83:52] You do not have to add anything to that 19 to make it sufficient.

Speaker 1:
[83:56] Yeah, I'm so sorry. I thought this would just be a fun romp.

Speaker 3:
[84:02] I don't get a chance to, you know.

Speaker 2:
[84:04] Yeah, man, he just hits you with the ax. It's up.

Speaker 1:
[84:06] Yeah, no, that's 12 points of damage. Wow, man, that sucks. And then a second attack.

Speaker 2:
[84:14] You gotta stop making braggadocious.

Speaker 1:
[84:16] Fuck me, another 19, 25. Wow. 12 max damage plus 315.

Speaker 2:
[84:27] He's okay, he's okay.

Speaker 1:
[84:28] I'm okay, folks.

Speaker 2:
[84:31] But, but it's getting dicey.

Speaker 1:
[84:35] No point in saying no again.

Speaker 2:
[84:36] That's what D&D are. Stop, shit.

Speaker 1:
[84:38] Okay, Winnie the Two is going to cast Wild Shame.

Speaker 2:
[84:43] Okay, I'm glad we've broken our pattern of just hitting each other with thorns and saying this is how you do it.

Speaker 1:
[84:49] And turn into a big old black bear.

Speaker 2:
[84:51] Oh man.

Speaker 1:
[84:52] And yell, oh bother. And is going to attempt to pick up Winnie the Pooh in his jaws.

Speaker 2:
[85:03] Okay, am I rolling against that or are you?

Speaker 1:
[85:07] Yeah, so you're gonna give me a deck saving throw versus his attack roll.

Speaker 2:
[85:10] Kick ass, can I do a strength saving throw? Isn't it either one, if it's two of them?

Speaker 1:
[85:13] Yeah, if you want to, yeah.

Speaker 2:
[85:14] I would rather do a strength. Believe it or not, I'm stronger than I am fast.

Speaker 1:
[85:18] Winnie the Pooh, no way.

Speaker 2:
[85:21] Yeah, I've got titanium bones in there. I got 11 total.

Speaker 1:
[85:24] Oh, that's pretty good. But his bite attack is eight plus four at 12.

Speaker 4:
[85:29] Ah, shit.

Speaker 1:
[85:31] Now he's going to big you up and start shaking you around. But currently just grappled no damage. That was close enough that I'm going to say no damage, but he is shaking around like a chew toy in a dog's jaws. Okay, cool. Up next, give me a collective D20 roll. So each of you roll D20.

Speaker 2:
[85:53] 15.

Speaker 1:
[85:54] Dad?

Speaker 3:
[85:59] I can read this. I don't want to.

Speaker 1:
[86:03] One.

Speaker 2:
[86:03] The loneliest number that there ever was.

Speaker 1:
[86:05] Okay, Justin. And I got a 20.

Speaker 2:
[86:07] Holy shit.

Speaker 1:
[86:08] What did you get, Griffin?

Speaker 2:
[86:09] I got a 15.

Speaker 1:
[86:10] 15, 16, 36. Okay.

Speaker 2:
[86:13] Oh, total.

Speaker 1:
[86:13] Okay.

Speaker 2:
[86:14] I didn't know you were adding them.

Speaker 1:
[86:15] Okay. Smashing through the trees behind you comes a-

Speaker 3:
[86:19] And one horse open sleigh.

Speaker 2:
[86:23] I don't think Santa Claus smashes through a lot of trees.

Speaker 1:
[86:25] You know what?

Speaker 5:
[86:25] Nothing. Nothing.

Speaker 1:
[86:26] Through the woods behind you, nothing happens. Glenn, are you happy? Comes a big 10 foot tall hulking beast made of rippling muscles and throbbing veins. It appears to be a man, but so gargantuanly swole, almost a minotaur, except instead of the head of a bull, it is the head of a donkey.

Speaker 2:
[86:48] Cool. Okay. I'd recognize those pectoral muscles anywhere. Is that you, bottom?

Speaker 7:
[86:58] Bottom!

Speaker 1:
[87:00] Shit.

Speaker 6:
[87:01] Power bottom!

Speaker 2:
[87:09] Can I, I don't know if he's with us or against us, but can I roll animal handling to try to harness this power bottom for our side?

Speaker 1:
[87:18] Yeah. What is Lady Godwin seeing, Trav? Exactly that.

Speaker 2:
[87:23] Oh, really?

Speaker 1:
[87:23] There's no illusion. There's not an illusion, my dear. Not a trick.

Speaker 2:
[87:26] I got a 16 plus 6, a 22.

Speaker 1:
[87:30] Power bottom sees Winnie the Pooh and does a strange, kind of awkward, but deep bow, very theatrical to Winnie the Pooh. It says, you fed hungry bottom, filled up bottom.

Speaker 2:
[87:47] Okay. No more talking is rule number one. Our DPS against the real boss man has been pretty piss poor so far. Can you handle our light work?

Speaker 1:
[87:58] Which one, bad one?

Speaker 2:
[88:00] I mean, start with the pretender to the honey throne, and then the other two if you can, if you have time.

Speaker 7:
[88:08] Yes.

Speaker 4:
[88:11] Go get them, bear bottom.

Speaker 6:
[88:16] Come on.

Speaker 2:
[88:17] What? He's a donkey man.

Speaker 1:
[88:19] He's a donkey though.

Speaker 6:
[88:20] Yeah.

Speaker 1:
[88:21] That is an 18 plus five. Yeah. A 23 against Winnie the Two. Give me a strength check plus 10.

Speaker 2:
[88:32] Me?

Speaker 1:
[88:33] Yeah, but it's.

Speaker 2:
[88:34] Oh, I'm hard. I'm fucking stepping into the Eva suit of.

Speaker 1:
[88:38] Yeah.

Speaker 2:
[88:38] Cool.

Speaker 1:
[88:39] You're Gundam-ing him.

Speaker 2:
[88:40] That is a natural 20.

Speaker 1:
[88:46] Yeah. So bear bottom just swipes across the ground and you hear Winnie the Two go, ho, brother.

Speaker 2:
[88:56] I'm flipping the birds.

Speaker 1:
[88:56] And then a big mushroom cloud of fluff goes flying up into the sky about three miles away.

Speaker 2:
[89:04] That's what happens. It's really, really, really packed in there.

Speaker 1:
[89:10] Up next is Philo.

Speaker 2:
[89:13] Wait, hold on. I was in Winnie the Two's mouth.

Speaker 1:
[89:19] Okay. I'm going to call in mayonnaise now.

Speaker 2:
[89:29] Yeah.

Speaker 1:
[89:30] You're gonna give me a dexterity saving throw with advantage.

Speaker 2:
[89:33] Okay. That's cool. That's cool of you. 14 plus two 16, and then 16 plus two 18.

Speaker 6:
[89:44] This is good fucking dice, man.

Speaker 1:
[89:45] Can I tell you an 18 was the gall?

Speaker 2:
[89:48] Oh, yeah, okay, cool. Thanks, Mayonnaise.

Speaker 1:
[89:51] As Powerbottom swipes Winnie the Two in the air, you get caught between Powerbottom's middle finger and ring finger, and he swipes you down and goes, you save bear, puts you back on the ground and pats your little head.

Speaker 2:
[90:06] Okay. How was Mayonnaise involved in that exchange even a little bit at all?

Speaker 1:
[90:10] Mayonnaise was whispering in Powerbottom's ear, saying, hey, don't.

Speaker 2:
[90:14] Hey, don't watch it.

Speaker 1:
[90:15] Don't do this.

Speaker 2:
[90:15] Be careful.

Speaker 6:
[90:16] Cool. Thanks.

Speaker 2:
[90:17] Thanks, Mayonnaise. Hey, thanks, man.

Speaker 5:
[90:19] You're welcome.

Speaker 2:
[90:20] Awesome. You saved me.

Speaker 5:
[90:22] You saved me. Wow.

Speaker 1:
[90:24] Who saved who, right? Sheesh.

Speaker 2:
[90:27] I mean, pretty explicitly.

Speaker 5:
[90:28] I was on a dark path until you came into my life. Wow. Yeah, man, you should have known some of the shit I was into.

Speaker 3:
[90:36] Oh, God, let me take my turn. Who's left in front of us standing of the enemies?

Speaker 2:
[90:45] I think two is the only one we've.

Speaker 1:
[90:47] Yeah, Winnie the Two is out. Lady Frodwin and Folo are still in.

Speaker 2:
[90:51] Folo's taking a shit ton of damage at this point.

Speaker 3:
[90:54] Yeah, I'm going to hit Folo with Melph's acid arrow.

Speaker 2:
[90:59] Amazing. Wow. You know exactly what kind of stuff you don't like being hit with. And one of them is Melph's acid arrow, for sure.

Speaker 3:
[91:07] Know thyself.

Speaker 2:
[91:09] So that's the detail. So if you press the button with the number on it.

Speaker 1:
[91:12] I actually wrote this down because I knew... This is an attack. This is an attack. No, I actually wrote this one down. This is an attack. So you're going to roll a D20 plus six to hit.

Speaker 3:
[91:23] All right.

Speaker 2:
[91:24] Now, have you used your mayonnaise yet?

Speaker 3:
[91:29] I have peas blossom.

Speaker 1:
[91:30] Thank you. I've ever heard in one of our live show. Hey, look within yourself. Do you have any mayonnaise left? Yes, that will hit Folo.

Speaker 2:
[91:43] He knows.

Speaker 1:
[91:44] It's him. Now you're going to roll 44 damage. Forty four damage. Fuck. All right.

Speaker 3:
[91:51] OK, so that is only going to be Wow.

Speaker 2:
[91:54] Holy shit.

Speaker 3:
[91:55] 14 points of damage.

Speaker 2:
[91:57] About as good as Melph gets.

Speaker 1:
[92:00] Yeah, you melt Folo down to little wooden shoes. Just clogs now.

Speaker 3:
[92:08] This has an impact on on Brother Filo.

Speaker 1:
[92:11] OK.

Speaker 6:
[92:12] This has an emotional...

Speaker 1:
[92:13] Oh, wisdom saving throw.

Speaker 3:
[92:15] No, I mean, that's that's narratively sound. Wisdom saving throw. OK. And that would be this minus one here.

Speaker 1:
[92:27] Holy shit. They paid to come. 18. Yeah, it has lasting damage, but not like real damage. Yeah, just like emotional damage. You're fine. OK, so you pack it down in your heart. You'll deal with it later, like on your deathbed or whatever.

Speaker 3:
[92:43] I look at the little shoes and start laughing.

Speaker 1:
[92:46] A totally healthy response.

Speaker 2:
[92:48] Totally normal and cool.

Speaker 1:
[92:51] Up next is going to be, let's see here. That would be my turn. Yeah. Up next is Lady Godwin. I want to do an insight check on the fake me. To see if I can see with my severed nature that it is in fact a fairy and not me. Okay. Go for it. Okay. I'll give you advantage because it's established that your ability to see through the timer. 18 and a 13. So 18. Yeah. With an 18, you can see it's actually two fairies, one controlling the head, one controlling the body. I eat the top one.

Speaker 2:
[93:31] That's his, that's his right as an American.

Speaker 1:
[93:35] Dad, tie my bracer, please. I'm eating, I'm eating the fairy.

Speaker 3:
[93:41] It would be an honor.

Speaker 1:
[93:42] Thank you, dad. I'm trying to eat this fairy. And Travis, if I have any trouble getting it down, I got a little extra mayonnaise to help it go. You know what I mean? Okay. Yeah, man. Give me a constitution check with advantage.

Speaker 2:
[93:57] I just want to, for future record, to be known that Justin is the one making this particular move and not me. Just for future brand auditors, just know that this is absolutely not my shit and it is Justin's shit and he is the one who will own it fully.

Speaker 1:
[94:15] Normally, Trav, this isn't a very funny number, but normally in this case, I think it kind of works. What I got the best of my two roles was a 10 at trying to swallow the fairy. I got a 10 plus anything.

Speaker 2:
[94:31] What?

Speaker 1:
[94:31] Plus anything? Nope. Just a 10. With a 10, you eat the fairy. Okay. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Right now, you don't suffer anything. You do it successfully. But- I eat the other fairy. It's easy. Hold on. As everyone knows, fairies are immortal. So the ones that you've melted and kicked have survived. So right now, there's no damage. But there will come a moment later. Right. Where perhaps a bodily function is finished. And maybe some damage will happen. You're saying I'm going to have to pass the fairy. That'll be after the show. After the show. That's later. That's not something we have to worry about now.

Speaker 2:
[95:12] That's not Chekhov's gun. We're not going to resolve that here tonight. Next time we come to Columbus and do a live Taz out of nowhere, Lady Godwin's going to shit a fairy out.

Speaker 1:
[95:23] Lady Godwin is, Lady Godwin.

Speaker 6:
[95:28] Probably during the drive home.

Speaker 2:
[95:32] Okay.

Speaker 6:
[95:32] Yeah. Okay.

Speaker 1:
[95:34] So you have successfully slayed the three doppelgangers. Now all that is left is Puck dangling William Shakespeare over a vat of-

Speaker 2:
[95:47] And he's been so chill by the way, not dunking William Shakespeare.

Speaker 1:
[95:50] Well, he has been enjoying the show. And you know what's interesting? A lot of, I kind of thought William Shakespeare would like say some stuff or like get a hand on the ball. Like, you know what I mean? Hey, Justin, here's what's going to blow your mind. He's gagged. Yeah. And not like in a metaphorical way. Sorry. What were you going to say, Grover?

Speaker 2:
[96:09] I say he was also gooped, but it doesn't make any sense. It's fine. It doesn't work a second time.

Speaker 1:
[96:14] Ah, says Puck, but how will you know which is the real Puck? And you see, along with him, three other Pucks pop up about 40 feet that way, 40 feet that way, 40 feet that way, forming a diamond. And the one who was just talking goes, you won't know which one's the real me. Yeah.

Speaker 2:
[96:35] Cool, man.

Speaker 1:
[96:38] And the other three nod. Well, Trav, I guess in that case, I will drop kick the one that just talked, I guess. I mean, I'm not, I'm no, you know, I'm not a smartest man, but I feel like I'm going to go ahead and drop kick him. But how do you know? Make it a death roll. How do you know? And he lands in the vat of willing dingo. He lands in the vat, I look over, I say, and I look as the other pucks disappear, and I say, Puck, puck, bo-buck, banana, fana, you suck. And Shakespeare pulls down his gag and goes, forsooth, poetry. And that's where we're going to end it tonight.

Speaker 5:
[97:44] Thanks, y'all. Thank you all so much. Thank you, Overcoming. Thank you to the FNAEM.

Speaker 1:
[97:48] Thank you to Paul and Amanda and Rachel and everyone here tonight. Come see us at Origins Game Fair. You've been an absolute treat. Have a good night. Wouldn't you hate if that was the last ever, Taz?

Speaker 4:
[98:04] Hello, I'm Justin Rekroyd.

Speaker 2:
[98:05] Crazy, this energy is so alarming.

Speaker 1:
[98:10] It is a nightmare version of the Max Fun Drive where you didn't go to maxfunfun.org/join, pledge five or 10 bucks a month to help keep this show going, and we have to shut it down. We have to fold up our tables and chairs, put it back in the trailer.

Speaker 2:
[98:29] The Angel Clarence has come to give you a haunting vision of a world without your support in this Max Fun Drive, and you're going to wake up.

Speaker 3:
[98:37] We're going the pathos route then.

Speaker 1:
[98:39] It's a different approach.

Speaker 3:
[98:40] And also, I'd have to go back.

Speaker 1:
[98:42] That's real, that's very real. Dad would have to work, that's a real tragedy. I'd have to go back to my job as a contract killer.

Speaker 2:
[98:49] No, I've never.

Speaker 1:
[98:51] Not only do you get hundreds of hours of bonus content, if you can pledge five bucks a month, if you can pledge ten bucks a month, you get all that plus an incredible keychain designed by Tom Deha. But more importantly, you get the sense of supporting that shows you love. And we really appreciate you supporting us because it means the world.

Speaker 2:
[99:08] And loving us.

Speaker 1:
[99:09] And loving us.

Speaker 2:
[99:09] That's crazy.

Speaker 1:
[99:10] Don't wait. Go do it right now while you're thinking about it. maximumfun.org/join. Thank you again for all the support you've given over the years in so many different ways. We really appreciate it. This is a great time of year for us to be reminded of all the great support that we get day after day. So thank you.

Speaker 2:
[99:28] Thank you all very, very much. And we're only doing this for the next couple of weeks. So if you have the means, please maximumfun.org/join.

Speaker 6:
[99:37] Thanks.

Speaker 2:
[99:38] And we'll be back with something else next week. Later.

Speaker 7:
[101:06] Maximum Fun, a workaround network of artist-owned shows, supported directly by you.