transcript

Speaker 1:
[00:00] While at college, he met his future wife. Oh no, I feel like I know where this is going. She came from a very close-knit family, and they immediately saw through my stepmother's behavior. My stepmother told anyone who would listen that she hated this woman. She's talking about the future wife. She hated this woman, and that she would never be good enough. Hi, Ivette. Welcome back on the podcast.

Speaker 2:
[00:27] Thanks.

Speaker 1:
[00:28] I thought it was time that you came back. I think it's like once a quarter. It's just the right that you come back on.

Speaker 2:
[00:34] Yeah.

Speaker 1:
[00:35] I mean, what's new since the last time? What's new for the audience versus what's new since I saw you two days ago?

Speaker 2:
[00:41] We just moved to a new home, so that's kind of exciting. But then also, I think I told you last time, I've gotten a new job and that's exciting. I have a lot of clients, so I'm a therapist, and I get to work with little kids and adults, and I've also been working with married couples now. So that's been fun. A little challenging, but yeah, exciting, exciting for sure. Yeah.

Speaker 1:
[01:05] That's awesome. Do you feel like that's been a new stage in your work now? As you started, it was more individuals and now it's more couples?

Speaker 2:
[01:13] Well, I would say I still focus on kids. Adolescence, really, I think my heart is like teenagers, right? I just love working with teens. But I was like, why not? I love marriage and I think marriage is hard and beautiful, and there's so many great parts to it. So I thought it would be exciting to walk alongside with people. It hasn't been easy, but then just remembering like, hey, I'm not the one that can change things for these people. It's really up to them. If there is change at the end of the day, it's because they want it. So yeah, it's pretty cool. I love that.

Speaker 1:
[01:49] That's good. And I feel like people are always looking for that. It's like an outside perspective. But you make a good point about like, it has to come from within. You can't have someone tell you like, you need to make this work and you do it this way. Because ultimately, they're not in the marriage. What do you do when someone comes to you with marital issues? Or how can you tell a couple is really willing to work together? Or what's like that next?

Speaker 2:
[02:14] Yeah. So really the way that I set it up is like, hey, people come to therapy, they come to couples counseling because they think it's like, oh, you're going to fix everything. I'm like, no, that is so opposite from what I do. I'm like, really this space, I'm this person that gets to be here along the ride. But really, I'm holding up a mirror and I'm allowing each individual to reflect and see how do I show up for this other person? How do I show up in a relationship? I think when I know that a couple is ready, they stop pointing fingers at the other person and they start taking ownership and responsibility for the choices that they're making. It's really hard when you're trying to point out the pattern, and you're like, guys, I see this happening over and over again. But it's like a toddler, right? If you're telling a toddler, hey, don't stand on the chair, you're going to fall. Don't stand on the chair, you're going to fall. They just keep doing it. They're like, I'm fine, I'm fine. And then finally, they fall. Okay, well, they've like, experienced it that they're ready. Next time, they're going to be like, okay, now I know not to do that because I've learned my lesson, but they're not going to know it until they're ready for it, if that makes sense.

Speaker 1:
[03:27] Yeah. I was just saying that to my husband, Zach, the other day about, you always want to protect your kids and be like, don't do that because you're going to fall. But I'm like, half the things we tell her, I'm like, she has to experience it through her own lived experience to be like, wait, that's not a good idea. Obviously, there's some things like we're going to stop before it happens. But there's definitely those things. So I feel like that's an interesting way to put it. It was like, they have to be able to walk that road and be like, wait a second, that's not the way I want to go. So I feel like it's an interesting thing to bring up, especially in the podcast and how we're talking about marriage and weddings and the drama and stuff because I feel like a lot of these issues that come up in these stories, there is a lot of finger pointing, right? I shouldn't say like the drama that comes to me, it's typically not about the brining room. It's really not about the couple, it's about all the exterior things that are bringing drama in. But you got to think like with a wedding, a funeral, a movie, any kind of big moment in people's lives bring on all these extra stressors and conflicting personalities. And so I feel like that's a lot of times the hardest part in a lot of these stories we read.

Speaker 2:
[04:37] Yeah, that makes sense to me. Kind of the outside opinions. And then too, if you wanted to present that to a couple, it's like, okay, well then how do you show up for your partner in this case? Like how can you do that reflective work? Do you show up for them? Are you there? Say, oh no, this is now this is my family. Now I need to tend to their needs and their feelings and their emotions because there kind of needs to be this. I wish people would have more conversations of like, hey, mom, dad, brother, sister, whatever, extended family. This is what our marriage is going to look like, and these are the boundaries that we've established together. I wish that was more of a norm and not just with marriage, like going into parenthood because what happens is like, their opinions start to trickle in, all these things start to trickle in, and then you're really frustrated with these people and you're like, oh my gosh, I can't stand that they're always giving their two cents when I don't ask for it. But there was never that established boundary talk. There was never this conversation. I'm hoping that that's the direction that we're going to move, especially our generation experiencing this firsthand and being like, well, I want to be that person for when my kids get married. I want to ask my daughter and her husband, like, hey, what is okay and what's not okay? When is it okay for me to give advice? So, yeah, not enough little tangents.

Speaker 1:
[06:01] No, I love that though, because that really lines into the things we see because boundaries I feel like are so important. And then when people send stories to me about like, we're planning our wedding and like, we've been so happy, we're so excited. But his mom or her sister or whoever is coming in, they say we need to do it this way. We need to do that. And so I always constantly say like, you and your partner need to get on the same page first, then invite other people in when you want and for what you want. So not just like, hey, everyone, we're having a wedding day. Tell us whatever opinion you have. Or hey, we're about to have a baby. Tell us your favorite opinion. It's like, this is what we're doing. Oh, hey, I actually have a question about this. What's your experience? Because I think it's like the previous generation was like, all they really had was their moms coming in or their parents coming in saying, this is what you do. This is how you raise a baby because that's what we did. But now we're learning, OK, let's kind of build a little safe zone with our family, our partner and learn what makes sense for our family first and then kind of invite them in.

Speaker 2:
[07:04] And I love that. I love that for a lot of different reasons.

Speaker 1:
[07:07] So I feel like I kind of went on a little change of tune, but I love that. So I want to just start with a little wedding dilemma that someone sent me. I say it's medium sized, OK? And then we'll have our red light, green light. So let's get into this. For context, I'm an only child, the oldest cousin and the oldest granddaughter. Because of that, a lot of people have given us unsolicited suggestions about the wedding. Perfect tie-in right here.

Speaker 2:
[07:34] Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1:
[07:35] I'm getting married in September and we sent out final RSVPs and invitations a little over a month ago. From the beginning, I made it clear to my family that we were only inviting people we know and have a relationship with. My aunt Gina mentioned that someone from her church, Sister Jane, would definitely come. I told her that I don't personally know this person. We were only inviting people that we have a relationship with. She said, okay, I understand. Fast forward to August. We've had several difficult conversations and have been very firm with our boundaries. So good on them.

Speaker 2:
[08:07] Good for them, yeah.

Speaker 1:
[08:09] I feel like that's the hardest part is just reaffirming, this is what we're doing.

Speaker 2:
[08:13] Right.

Speaker 1:
[08:13] Then I went to church and saw someone who had an RSVP. She's over 80. So I wasn't upset. I asked if she would still like to come. She said yes and was very excited. Right after that, my Aunt Gina turns to her and says, Oh, is brother so-and-so coming right in front of me? I quickly stepped in and clarified that only she was invited. Then change the subject to ask what she wanted to eat. After that, I made a clear statement to my Aunt Gina, my parents, the woman and the other person from church. I said that only the people present there that day were invited to the wedding. My Aunt Gina immediately made a face, turned to my dad. My dad said, don't worry, we're going to talk to her. Later, my dad pulled me aside. He told me that Jane is a kind, caring person. I told him, I'm sure that's true, but I still don't have a relationship with her. Then he said, we'll give you the money, implying that they would cover the cost if we invited her. I told him I needed to talk to my fiance. I hate this because now this woman, she's got these strong boundaries, but they're like poking. They're like, come on, she's kind, we'll pay for her.

Speaker 2:
[09:23] And I get it.

Speaker 1:
[09:24] People are like, oh, we're not having kids at the wedding or we're not inviting extended. They're like, we'll pay for it. It's like, that's not the problem.

Speaker 2:
[09:33] The tricky part is like, we'll pay for it. I'm trying to put myself in those shoes and I can be such a people pleaser. So I'd be like, well, yeah, you're paying for it. I guess it's fine. And it would give me that excuse to bring it up to my person. But at the end of the day, it's like, this is a very intimate moment. This is supposed to be for everyone has like a different vision for their wedding. But really, it's like this beautiful moment of two people becoming one. And this random lady just wants to go there. Like, does she even want to go? She's probably like, oh, they invited me and now I have to go buy a present. And I don't even know her. I think about that person too. And I'm like, do they even really want to go? Or is it just like mom and dad? And I'm like, oh, well, this is our friend and we want them to be there. But I don't think that does anything for the not invited slash invited person and the bride and groom.

Speaker 1:
[10:23] Totally. Yeah, I think the same way. Because I'm like, why are you going to bat for this person who maybe doesn't even know the wedding's happening or doesn't care if they're invited or not? I've seen that time and time again where they're like, no, this person has to be invited. I don't know if it has to do with appearances too. They want to make sure like, for inviting people from the church, you invite all our main people from church. Because that can be uncomfortable to be like, my daughter's only inviting you and you because she knows you, so sorry. That's one of those challenges.

Speaker 2:
[10:56] You think people would be more understanding, but.

Speaker 1:
[10:58] Yeah. She said, my fiance and I discussed it and decided we were not inviting Jane. I told my parents over dinner, they were upset, but they tried to understand. My dad said he would talk to Jane. Okay, so I'm guessing Jane knows. So she's like, she wanted to go, she wanted to go. Oh my gosh. Then my aunt Gina texted me and apologized. Just when I thought everything wasn't resolved, she sent another message asking if I would serve as a security guard at my cousin's wedding if she asked me to.

Speaker 2:
[11:31] What? Oh no, the timing of it is terrible.

Speaker 1:
[11:34] Like, she's like, yeah, so I know there's this wedding stuff with your wedding, but can you come over here, please? She said I was very confused and told her I didn't understand what she meant. I showed the text to my dad, and he asked if it might be because my cousins are greeters. I said maybe. He suggested that she might think my cousins should have higher ranking roles than just attending as guests. But I said they were fine just being greeters. So she's trying to be like, you can have a roll at this wedding if they can have a roll at it.

Speaker 2:
[12:05] Be a security guard. You can stand outside during the ceremony and then give them a roll too.

Speaker 1:
[12:11] So wild how people envision other people's weddings and how they should do things. I hope this is a reminder to me that when and if my daughter chooses to marry that I'm like, tell me where you need me. That's how my mom was, my mother-in-law. I'm very lucky. They were both like, you tell me where you need me. I can do this. I can do this. They never crossed a boundary. So I'm very grateful for that. They read stories like this and I'm like, how do you even respond to someone that's like, okay, so this person will be your flower girl, this person will be this.

Speaker 2:
[12:38] I was like, why? There's like monster-in-law stories, which I'm sure you get a bunch of. That's my nightmare.

Speaker 1:
[12:44] He then said she might just be trying to find things to be upset about because she's uncomfortable that Jane is invited. It's Jane. A few days later, my mom brought up sister Jane again. Even though we had already talked everything through, she said Jane wanted to attend to support my dad and show appreciation. I responded that if her intention is to support my dad, she can do that without attending my wedding. My mom finally agreed. My dad said he would speak to Jane and would support my fiance and my decision 100 percent. So all this to say, Jane is still not coming, but I still don't know what to do with my cousins if they will be greeters or not.

Speaker 2:
[13:26] Basically, they weren't assigned the role of greeters prior to this.

Speaker 1:
[13:30] The aunt is going to be like, hey, do you want to be this at this wedding?

Speaker 2:
[13:33] Do what you envision because later on, what's going to happen is you're going to look back and say, why do I even do that? If they offer you and you want to be a security guard, sure, if that's what you want to do for them. But that doesn't necessarily mean like, hey, I guess now I have to have them be a part of my wedding. Because one, that's not really authentic. Then two, you're going to look back at pictures and be like, why did I do that?

Speaker 1:
[13:56] I think that's like with the wedding parties too. I feel like you hear a lot of times, they're like, well, I was in their wedding, so they should be in mine. I've heard that all the time because it's like, you feel like you owe them. But at the end of the day though too, it's a big ask to have someone in your wedding too. They're going to be spending money, taking time off work, or whatever that looks like. At the end of the day, you really have to ask for, look at your partner and be like, what do we want? I like what I was just saying. But it sounds like they have really good boundaries. So props to them for that. It sucks that it constantly is getting cross and constantly getting tested. But I'm glad you guys are staying firm because I don't know what I would do if someone constantly kept pushing that same boundary. None of you can come.

Speaker 2:
[14:38] I don't know. One offered solutions to the tension. That's what makes it harder to be like, no. So yeah, good for them.

Speaker 1:
[14:47] Yeah.

Speaker 2:
[14:47] I don't know if I would have been able to do that. I see this now, yeah, I don't do that, but I don't know if I would have been able to do that.

Speaker 1:
[14:55] I'd be curious to see if it's ever brought up again, because on the wedding day, they're like, Sister Jane would have loved this.

Speaker 2:
[15:01] They're sending pictures to Jane.

Speaker 1:
[15:05] Let's do a little red light, green light. I can't remember if we did this last time when you're here or not, but it's basically like, say a statement and you say if it's a good thing or a bad thing, or if you agree with it. Okay. Hosting your entire wedding planning drama on social media.

Speaker 2:
[15:18] Oh, red light. No, no. Why?

Speaker 1:
[15:23] On both sides of vendors and brides or grooms, hosting some wedding drama and it backfiring because they weren't telling the whole truth. There was one with a bride where she was like, my makeup was ruined. She did that on TikTok and she wiped it off and she's like, I'm doing it myself. The makeup artist spoke and she's like, she never once told me she didn't like anything. I had no clue. I'm mortified. Then there was a photographer that this happened to, where she tagged the photographer and she was like, oh, she did a horrible job with my photos and all she did was share just blurry photos. But the photographer was like, that's part of her aesthetic. You looked at the whole album, it looked beautiful. Don't do that because it's going to backfire.

Speaker 2:
[16:05] Unless your life is to produce drama and entertain people, don't do it.

Speaker 1:
[16:10] How about, yeah, don't post about it, but send it to me anonymously and we'll react to it on the podcast and then get on. This way, you're anonymous so we can see what side people are on. That is a helpful thing is like, because then I'll post a story and people will be like, oh my gosh, this is crazy. So then you're anonymous, you're safe, but we can kind of discuss.

Speaker 2:
[16:32] Then we will tell you like, are you crazy or not? Yeah. Right? Yes.

Speaker 1:
[16:38] A parent trying to control the guest list because they're helping pay.

Speaker 2:
[16:44] Red light, red light. Again, it's easier said than done, but okay, that's a gift. You don't get to give someone a shirt and say, well, you have to wear it every Saturday. No.

Speaker 1:
[16:57] I always say it's mutual respect because if someone that you'd mutual respect with the person and they want to help, then I'm like, yes, invite whoever you want to the wedding, right? It's like, what if it's someone that's been rude to you and they're just dangling money by a string and they're like, oh, let me help pay for it and invite sister Jane, whatever, then that's a different situation. Couples asking guests to wear a specific color palette.

Speaker 2:
[17:21] Green light. I like to see it as a guess. I would be like, I might be a little annoyed by it, but no, I love aesthetically things that are beautiful and good-looking and I get it.

Speaker 1:
[17:35] I would love to go to a themed wedding like that or like a color palette. I never have. I think I personally would like it because I get very overwhelmed with, what's the style? What's this? I'm like, I'll have one dress. I'm like, is this too formal? Is this too dark of a color? And so I feel like I would love that.

Speaker 2:
[17:54] I think that'd be the pictures are going to look great for the bride and the groom. But also, it's just a color. It's not saying like you have to buy the most fanciest dress at the most expensive store. It's just a color.

Speaker 1:
[18:06] Yeah, yeah, I like that. Destination weddings that require three days of events.

Speaker 2:
[18:11] The require bit, that's a lot to ask for it. That's a red light. I think like, hey, we've done this. We've planned these events out for these days. We're going to be there. If you guys want to come, you're welcome to come. But you can't be offended if someone's not going to spend $3,000 for your wedding. Did they even spend that on their own wedding? No.

Speaker 1:
[18:35] What are your thoughts on couples sharing a social media account?

Speaker 2:
[18:40] I'm indifferent. Sure. I don't care.

Speaker 1:
[18:43] It's okay.

Speaker 2:
[18:45] I think I'm torn. Red light because why do you need to share an account on social media? But green light because my hope is that people that do share it don't really care enough to have. I don't know how to explain it.

Speaker 1:
[18:59] I think it's one of those things where it's like if you really did choose together, honestly, or maybe one of you guys don't really care about social media, and it's like, let's just do a family one or joint one. Because I've seen that before. It's like a family one. Where I have seen it, the kind of questionable is where it's a control thing, where maybe one doesn't trust the other. So they're like, all the messages are coming through here, we're only on one, you're not allowed to have your own social media. So that's where I'm like, okay, if they decide to gather, sure. But whatever doesn't hurt me if you do that.

Speaker 2:
[19:29] But yeah. I agree with you. I think that's why I said green light because I've actually seen the opposite of that. So that's why I'm like, no, yeah, it's fine. Doable. Yeah.

Speaker 1:
[19:38] Okay. Last one. Reusing a bridesmaid dress from another wedding.

Speaker 2:
[19:42] Fine. Green light. I don't mind.

Speaker 1:
[19:43] Please do.

Speaker 2:
[19:44] Yeah. Save money. If you love it, you look good in it, it feels good, do it.

Speaker 1:
[19:50] I always tell people how you got your dress for my wedding. Wasn't it half off? It was like 50 bucks, I think.

Speaker 2:
[19:57] Yeah. It was like a whole thing with my, I was pregnant, I was trying to figure out my size, I didn't like the dress, they sent me two wrong ones, and then I ended up being half off.

Speaker 1:
[20:07] You ended up ordering it during a sale or something, and the timing ended up working out. It was a lot of back and forth. I think I went over to bring your jacket and you're like, oh my gosh, the dress I ordered, because you ordered your dress right away. You're like, oh my gosh, so much has changed since then. But yeah, I wouldn't care as a bride. Please use the dress you already have if it works. Hey, drama lovers, big news. My book, Here Comes the Drama, A Ferris and Sloan Story is officially out now. If you've been following their wild wedding saga online, this is the full story packed with messy twists, sharp banter, family chaos, and all the heart you've come to love. Judging by your messages and posts, you're loving it too. Huge thanks to everyone who's already grabbed a copy early and shared it on social media. Your support means everything. If you haven't read it yet, now is the time. Head to christainnis.com/book or click the link in the show notes. It's available in both print and ebook. Grab your copy before the spoilers start showing up in the comment sections because, trust me, you'll experience every jaw-dropping moment for yourself. Let's get into this week's story reaction, which honestly, I think the dilemma was longer than this. Okay. Hi, a long-time fan. I figured I'd send this to you because I think it's a pretty crazy story. My stepmother is, well, crazy, over-the-top, wild, and extremely narcissistic. No one is immune from her chaos. She has two sons. Her oldest is very devoted to her. He even bought a house 10 doors down from where she lived. Wait, no, he bought the house so that he could always be near to take care of her. So she's expecting that, I guess. She and his father divorced when he was in high school. So he chose to attend a local college to make sure that she would still be taken care of. While at college, he met his future wife. Oh no, I feel like I know where this is going. She came from a very close-knit family and they immediately saw through my stepmother's behavior. My stepmother told anyone who would listen that she hated this woman. Oh, she's talking about the future wife. She hated this woman and that she would never be good enough. Because she knows she's not going to get 100% of his attention anymore.

Speaker 2:
[22:23] That's right.

Speaker 1:
[22:24] She strongly preferred his previous girlfriend and even stayed in touch with her for years. Again, I'm probably just jumping the gun, but it's probably because that one bowed down to her and was like, yes, yes, absolutely. I'm just here. It's fine. When the couple got engaged, my stepmother volunteered to host their engagement party, and she invited the ex.

Speaker 2:
[22:46] I knew it. I knew that's what was coming. The nerve. How dare you?

Speaker 1:
[22:53] Even worse though, obviously, we don't know yet. The girlfriend comes, ex-girlfriend. Why would you go to that? I would be like, no, thank you. Any normal person would be like, no.

Speaker 2:
[23:03] Do you not love your son? Don't you want it to be a good experience for him? I can't. My heart just sank. I just feel like all of my own insecurities came up for myself. I would feel so small even just knowing that my mother-in-law invited my now husband's ex to anything.

Speaker 1:
[23:22] She now made it her party. The stepmother made it her party and made you just like a wall. You're basically just like a side there because she made it so you weren't comfortable in her home. Then the cake was brought out. Oh no, oh no. I just read it. Then the cake was brought out. It had the ex-girlfriend's name on it, not the fiance's. She's really trying to sabotage their whole thing.

Speaker 2:
[23:49] When you said cake, that's what I thought, but I was like, there's no way. There's no way, but are you kidding?

Speaker 1:
[23:55] That is wild. I'm reading it as an outsider person. But the second I knew, if someone I knew that hated me was offering to host my party, immediately no. Immediately no, because they don't have your best interest. They are not going to think about you and your partner. They're going to think about ways to sabotage you and the wedding. So I would be saying no to that. I'm not going to that party. There's no way.

Speaker 2:
[24:19] At the same time, I want to give the bride, like this, maybe she was kind of trying to be the bigger person and give her that benefit of the doubt, and it totally backfired. You know what I mean? That's horrible.

Speaker 1:
[24:31] The person that wrote this story in, it's her stepmother.

Speaker 2:
[24:35] Yeah.

Speaker 1:
[24:35] Then it's like her son. Okay.

Speaker 2:
[24:37] So she was there.

Speaker 1:
[24:38] She's like, they're saying, I saw her do this. Yes. So I'm guessing, well, maybe that's why. So her dad is the one that divorced now, so she's single. As the wedding approached, she repeatedly tried to convince her son not to marry his fiance. She threatened not to attend the wedding and even offered to pay for an entirely different wedding if he would change his mind. She pulled in anyone she could to try to persuade him otherwise. Even telling him that his grandmother was distraught, hated the fiance. Someone goes low, they want to bring everyone down with them. They can't stand to see people happy or the people are like proud or on another side.

Speaker 2:
[25:22] No.

Speaker 1:
[25:22] The wedding eventually took place though she was clearly upset about it. The newly married couple left for their honeymoon in Hawaii early the next morning. That same day, the grandmother passed away in her sleep. She had a history of heart problems. My stepmother immediately began telling everyone that the grandmother died of a broken heart because her grandson had gone through with the marriage. Way to put that on your son.

Speaker 2:
[25:50] Right. Who is this woman? Send me her details. Like, I can't believe her. That is horrible.

Speaker 1:
[25:57] Like, like dealing with something from the divorce or something where she's like holding on to her kids and thinking that enmeshment where she's like, they are me. I am them. Sorry, that's a therapist. I'm not a therapist.

Speaker 2:
[26:09] I shouldn't be the whole time. I'm thinking like, how would I even do a session with them? This is insane.

Speaker 1:
[26:15] Yeah, because I feel like she's so caught up in they belong to me. Whatever I say, they should be doing. Oh, grandmother died because of you. It's your fault.

Speaker 2:
[26:25] Man.

Speaker 1:
[26:26] She even called the airport and had a message sent to the plane saying there was an emergency. Can you do that?

Speaker 2:
[26:33] This sounds crazy. Are we sure this is real?

Speaker 1:
[26:37] I don't know. There's been times where people send us stories and I'm like, did they AI this? This sounds so fake to me. But then I'll share the story. People are like, no, this thing happened to me. Unless it was years ago. Oh, wait, this was the early 90s. I just saw this. This was the early 90s. I'm thinking of friends even though.

Speaker 2:
[26:59] Me too. That's exactly what I thought.

Speaker 1:
[27:01] I guess they had cell phones at the end of Friends, but in the early 90s, you didn't have cell phones, so you would have had to have called.

Speaker 2:
[27:07] Right.

Speaker 1:
[27:08] Emergency. I guess that's how you had to do it.

Speaker 2:
[27:10] Yeah.

Speaker 1:
[27:13] It's funny, I was doing a skit recently, and it was supposed to be in the 90s, and I was like, wait, if a car accident happened, you wouldn't have a cell phone, so I'm like Googling. I was like, what would have been there? It was like, oh, there's more pay phones, or you could have an emergency tow truck, a comba, whatever. I was like, you just kind of forget. I guess that makes more sense. It's still crazy, but it makes more sense that it was the 90s.

Speaker 2:
[27:38] Yeah, it's still crazy. It does make more sense.

Speaker 1:
[27:40] You have no way of calling or texting them. She even called the airport and had a message sent to the plane saying there was an emergency and that he needed to call immediately because this was the early 90s. When he called, she demanded that he come home because according to her, he had killed his grandmother. That's how she worded it. Years later, when the younger son, who was her pride and joy of life, was getting married for the second time, she caused more chaos. She told his fiancee that she liked her so much more than his first wife because she thought the first wife was unattractive and that it was no wonder he had cheated on her so many times. Okay, so sons aren't great either for that son.

Speaker 2:
[28:22] Yeah, no, I can see where they get it from.

Speaker 1:
[28:25] Oh my gosh. The fiancee did not know that infidelity had been the cause of the divorce. Okay, well, that's on him.

Speaker 2:
[28:35] That's a whole other issue.

Speaker 1:
[28:36] Yeah, he should have been honest with her about that. So yeah, you can be mad at the stepmom about that, but he should have told her that. She then told the fiancee that the entire family was secretly planning to leave the rehearsal dinner early, so they could have a dinner with the first wife because they all liked her better. This was not true. The rehearsal dinner ended in complete chaos, and the fiancee left in distress. The wedding almost didn't happen at all, and the son initially banned his mother from attending. Eventually, he relented, and the wedding went ahead as planned. His wife now avoids interacting with his side of the family unless absolutely necessary. So she botched not one, but two weddings. We don't know what happened with that first wife's wedding.

Speaker 2:
[29:19] I feel for these women that you don't really realize how much of an impact that makes. The wedding, obviously, that's horrible, but long-term, you don't have support, you don't have your village. What happens when there's kids? These poor girls, even just hearing this, I already said this, but I feel so small. I would not want to feel that way on my wedding day. I would want to feel accepted. I guess that makes them strong for being able to go through with this and being like, no, I love this person. That just means that we're going to have to do our lives without them.

Speaker 1:
[29:53] Yeah.

Speaker 2:
[29:53] Absolutely boundaries, but wow.

Speaker 1:
[29:56] Yeah. You said something earlier that made me think about in these moments, that's when the fiance, I think the partner, whoever has the challenging family at the time, they really need to step up and be like, I choose you, I'm on your side, we're in this together. Because if they are not in those challenging moments, that's when it's going to falter, I think. I've gotten a lot of stories where as I'm reading it, I'm like, this seems like a bad omen. Then later they're like, and we got divorced. We didn't last. Because if you're going to constantly have someone like that, where the fiance or now the husband or wife hasn't fully chosen you, and they're still going back to their family who hates you or talks about you in this negative light, that marriage is going to be crumbling because you're going to be like, well, do they actually care? Are they going to listen to what their families say? That as a whole, I feel like other layer of complications for sure.

Speaker 2:
[30:48] It's just a bad foundation to start on really. That's hard.

Speaker 1:
[30:51] I feel like if you don't, which again, I've never been in that situation where we have to pick and choose. But in that situation, especially, let's say this story, the stepmother, I guess it's his mom. But if you don't cut her out, she's going to make sure your marriage fails.

Speaker 2:
[31:07] Oh, yeah.

Speaker 1:
[31:07] Still, you make that firm cut. You will constantly find a way to get in there. So you did make your choice and stick through it. I mean, she didn't mention anything about them staying married or anything like that or not. So I don't know how it worked out.

Speaker 2:
[31:23] But well, good job for you girls because I couldn't have done it. They did it good for them. And I'm just like, hopefully, they're still together and hopefully those boundaries are up. Right. Wow. I feel like this was a 90s movie.

Speaker 1:
[31:38] Yes. I know I'm picturing like running through the airport and yeah. Oh my gosh. We both thought of friends right away. I saw her like, should I get off the plane? I got off the plane?

Speaker 2:
[31:49] Yeah.

Speaker 1:
[31:51] There's a problem with the phalange. Oh, that's what it is. Phoebe calls, right?

Speaker 2:
[31:55] Oh, yes.

Speaker 1:
[31:56] Phoebe calls the airport or she calls her phone because she has cell phone. That has to be in like 2001.

Speaker 2:
[32:03] 2004, I think it ended. I think it started in 94.

Speaker 1:
[32:08] That's wild.

Speaker 2:
[32:10] Yeah. I was too. I'm a little bit younger. I'm just kidding. That's all right. We were both born in the 1900s.

Speaker 1:
[32:18] We're old now. I know. We're so old. It's funny. I turned on friends the other day. I haven't watched friends in so long and I was like, so much still applies. But I still feel like they're supposed to be early 20s, I think, in the beginning, 22, 23. They feel older than me still though, because I watched it as a kid. They just seem so put together. I'm like, oh my gosh.

Speaker 2:
[32:38] But not together at all.

Speaker 1:
[32:40] They're not put together, literally at all. But I still look at them. I'm like, oh my gosh, they're so cool. Okay. I would like to end these with confessions that people send me on Instagram. So let's see what we got this week.

Speaker 2:
[32:54] Good. I thought I had to confess something. Yeah.

Speaker 1:
[32:57] Did you plan your confession? One time actually I had someone on and she's like, I'll confess something and then she did and she was like, do you have anything? I was like, I'll think. I don't know if I have anything.

Speaker 2:
[33:09] Where do I start?

Speaker 1:
[33:12] I was like, I can never think of anything on this spot. I'm so bad with stuff like that. Okay. This week we asked what almost made you lose it at a wedding, you played it cool. Okay. This person said, extra guests. My mother-in-law innocently said to my aunt, the whole family is invited. Grandson came with a plus one. Or mother-in-law said to fiance's aunt, I'm guessing. Everyone's invited. Dad left and didn't walk me down the aisle because I wouldn't talk to my not invited mom. That's a whole story.

Speaker 2:
[33:47] Can you send Christa the details, please? Yes.

Speaker 1:
[33:50] Send me what happened there. I feel like there's so little I don't know to respond to that. Either way, I don't think a parent should leave a wedding. Food was two personal-sized pizzas. No choice for toppings for each table of eight people. That's interesting. I love pizza personally, but if they only just gave like two little personal-sized pizzas and you go to a wedding hungry, you have to feed your guests. I wouldn't be mad if I was at a wedding and they just serve pizza. I've actually been to weddings where they had food truck and it was pizza and it was amazing. But you have to plan accordingly. They'd have enough food. I definitely lost it on my maid of honor. We're still besties. I just didn't want to pee with a crowd. I need more to that story.

Speaker 2:
[34:39] I don't know what's going on.

Speaker 1:
[34:41] Why do you want to pee with a crowd? I don't know. I'm wondering if it's like maybe she had a bridal suite and people kept coming in or something. I don't know. Tell us more. These little snippets are not enough.

Speaker 2:
[34:53] That's what I'm thinking. She was either in one of those big stalls or in her bridal suite, and they're just coming in and out, and she's trying to tell her, like, hey, can you tell them? She's like, no, no, it's fine. It's fine. They just need this or that.

Speaker 1:
[35:04] Yeah.

Speaker 2:
[35:04] But I guess we don't know.

Speaker 1:
[35:07] I don't know. Guess we'll have to just make our own assumptions.

Speaker 2:
[35:10] All right.

Speaker 1:
[35:11] Well, thank you so much for coming on today. It's always fun hanging out. I feel like I try to make them not super formal, but then revert back. I'm like, thank you. It's been fun today.

Speaker 2:
[35:20] I love being here. Thanks for having me. Then maybe let's not wait until quarter of a year has gone by. I know.

Speaker 1:
[35:29] It's always like, we got to get her back on. But also it's like I see you in person. That's like our therapy session, hangout, friend therapy session. Then I'm like, oh yeah, we should get on the podcast. Maybe that's why when you're on, then I'm like, oh, you need to be a professional. I don't want to slip and say something and forget on recording.

Speaker 2:
[35:45] Hangout, right? We don't want to just hangout kind of thing.

Speaker 1:
[35:47] Yeah. We don't want to just hangout.

Speaker 2:
[35:48] We did that the first time and now we're doing it again, so we'll stop.

Speaker 1:
[35:52] Exactly. All right. Well, thank you so much for coming on and I guess this is it.

Speaker 2:
[35:57] This is it. I hope you like it.

Speaker 1:
[36:02] Thanks so much for tuning in to this episode of Here Comes the Drama. If you enjoyed this episode, don't forget to rate, review, and share it with a friend who loves a good story. Make sure you're following me on all socials at Hey Christa Innis for even more stories, skits, and a little extra drama. Until next time, protect your peace and I'll see you soon.

Speaker 2:
[36:19] Bye now.