transcript

Speaker 1:
[00:00] Would you like a cake pop?

Speaker 2:
[00:02] Yes, please. Now you're just, now I'm feeling kind of seen by you, to be honest.

Speaker 1:
[00:08] That's what we aim to do here.

Speaker 2:
[00:09] Yeah, I just feel like you've kind of read my vibe correctly, and you're like, today is about treats.

Speaker 1:
[00:15] Every day should be about a sweet treat.

Speaker 2:
[00:17] Every day should have the capacity. But I think if it's at a regular time every day, it no longer becomes a treat. So treats have to be sporadic, definitionally, yes, surprising, or irregular in nature to be a treat.

Speaker 1:
[00:32] I like that. Well, this is a treat.

Speaker 2:
[00:34] It's a treat to be here.

Speaker 1:
[00:35] Now we're rolling.

Speaker 2:
[00:36] Okay, let's roll.

Speaker 1:
[00:36] We're ready.

Speaker 2:
[00:37] Let's do it.

Speaker 1:
[00:38] Welcome back to another episode of Two Hot Takes, you guys. I'm your host, Morgan. And today I've got Lucas Zelnick in the house. Bam, bam, bam, bam.

Speaker 2:
[00:46] Bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam. Thanks for having me.

Speaker 1:
[00:49] That was really good. You might put me out of a job with that.

Speaker 2:
[00:53] I mean, I think a soundboard would be the best, but.

Speaker 1:
[00:56] I know the buttons are too far.

Speaker 2:
[00:57] They're so far and we're so comfy already.

Speaker 1:
[01:00] I know, and we don't wear headphones. I used to wear headphones, but no headphones anymore.

Speaker 2:
[01:04] This is like, it's already my favorite podcast I've ever done. It's, I'm reclined. I have a blankie. I love a blankie.

Speaker 1:
[01:11] Your favorite?

Speaker 3:
[01:12] Holy smokes.

Speaker 2:
[01:14] I mean, I do my work from bed. Like most of the work I do is from bed. So to feel bed adjacent, obviously, I don't feel bedridden right now, but to feel bed adjacent is meaningful.

Speaker 1:
[01:24] Bed adjacent, that's got a ring to it. I'm bed adjacent most of the time. Even the couch, I'm like kicked out, kind of reclined on the couch as I'm working. I need to get a standing desk. I need to be more functional.

Speaker 2:
[01:37] You really want to do that to yourself? Let yourself enjoy life a little bit.

Speaker 1:
[01:41] I feel like I'm getting a hump.

Speaker 2:
[01:44] Hump where?

Speaker 1:
[01:45] You know, when you have bad posture.

Speaker 2:
[01:48] Like the hunchback of Notre Dame?

Speaker 1:
[01:51] Yeah.

Speaker 2:
[01:52] Like that?

Speaker 1:
[01:53] Yeah. And everyone's like, get trap Botox. And I'm like, I feel like I could just maybe change my posture a little.

Speaker 2:
[01:59] Trap Botox? That's real?

Speaker 1:
[02:01] They'll literally inject your traps with Botox.

Speaker 2:
[02:03] And then you just have to be...

Speaker 1:
[02:05] You're more erect. You have to be like, yeah.

Speaker 2:
[02:09] Positionally erect.

Speaker 1:
[02:11] Yeah. So I'm like, I think the standing desk is going to come Q3.

Speaker 2:
[02:17] I mean, listen, alternatively, you could just not inject Botox into your traps and not get the standing desk and then just kind of see where gravity takes you.

Speaker 1:
[02:25] Oh, okay. People are like, where are you guys going with this? That's a great question. You know, you might feel at this point in the episode, I'm heckling you. I'm giving you a hard time. And that is something you come into contact with, I feel like, every show.

Speaker 2:
[02:38] Nice. That was a good transition.

Speaker 1:
[02:39] You get the best hecklers.

Speaker 2:
[02:42] Well, I...

Speaker 1:
[02:44] At least from what I see.

Speaker 3:
[02:45] Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2:
[02:47] I guess, I don't love it when they talk first, but if I'm talking to them, fun, fun, fun, fun.

Speaker 1:
[02:52] You have to initiate it.

Speaker 2:
[02:53] Yeah, yeah, yeah, on my terms, on my terms. But all those clips are like the whole amount of that, that's in the show usually. So it's not like all that, but it is always fun, and I think people enjoy... I like learning about people, and doing a regular stand-up show without it can be a little bit monotonous, because you know what you're going to say. I mean, you know, your goal is that everyone else is surprised and loves it, but when you get to meet people in the audience, especially when you meet people with like crazy stories, it is... Hopefully you can make it funny, but I'm also just like sometimes fascinated, especially like I was just in Oklahoma.

Speaker 1:
[03:29] Oh, wow.

Speaker 2:
[03:30] And it's like you talk to anyone from Oklahoma, and I'm interested just because I'm like, what is your...

Speaker 1:
[03:34] What's your vibe?

Speaker 2:
[03:35] Life.

Speaker 1:
[03:36] Yeah, I grew up with my neighbors being from Oklahoma, and they talked about like skunk busting and possum hunting and like crazy stuff.

Speaker 2:
[03:45] I met a guy, so I was in... Wait, where did you grow up?

Speaker 1:
[03:48] Minnesota.

Speaker 2:
[03:48] Maybe I should know this. Where in Minnesota?

Speaker 1:
[03:50] Duluth. Duluth.

Speaker 2:
[03:51] Okay, I've been to Duluth. Waterfront. Well, yeah, I performed at the University of Minnesota Duluth.

Speaker 1:
[03:57] Oh, my God.

Speaker 2:
[03:58] It was a lot of fun.

Speaker 1:
[03:59] Unity Bulldogs.

Speaker 2:
[04:00] Yeah.

Speaker 1:
[04:01] Yeah, you know Duluth.

Speaker 2:
[04:02] And so there's that water... I mean, it's freezing, obviously.

Speaker 1:
[04:05] Yeah, Canal Park.

Speaker 2:
[04:06] But there's that lake all...

Speaker 1:
[04:08] Lake Superior.

Speaker 2:
[04:08] And I would... Right. I should know that anyway. But then there's all those good food places kind of right on the lake. You know what I'm talking about?

Speaker 1:
[04:17] Canal Park.

Speaker 2:
[04:18] That was awesome.

Speaker 1:
[04:20] Duluth is really underrated. It's very niche. It's practically Canada. But really crazy you went there. But yeah, Oklahoma's wild.

Speaker 2:
[04:27] So I was in Oklahoma and I was in a vintage store because sometimes what I do when I go on tours, I go vintage shopping because it's my belief that that will lead me to the cool neighborhood. Sometimes true, sometimes isn't. But if there's a lot of vintage stores next to each other, usually you're in the trendy part of town, then there's good coffee, then there's good brunch. So it's like vintage is for some reason the thing I picked.

Speaker 1:
[04:53] Vintage is the gateway to everything good in a community.

Speaker 2:
[04:55] Yeah, because I've picked good restaurants that aren't around other good restaurants and I've picked good coffee shops that aren't around other good coffee shops. But vintage seems to be around both of those things.

Speaker 1:
[05:05] It's upping your odds for sure.

Speaker 2:
[05:08] So I go to a vintage store and I'm looking at, like, I don't know, t-shirts or something, and then I see probably a three-month-old kangaroo hop into the door of the vintage store.

Speaker 1:
[05:20] Real. Wasn't taxidermy. It means it's hopping.

Speaker 2:
[05:22] Real kangaroo hopping.

Speaker 1:
[05:23] Kangaroo or wallaby?

Speaker 2:
[05:25] Kangaroo.

Speaker 1:
[05:26] How did they get that?

Speaker 2:
[05:28] So I obviously am looking for his owner, and I find the owner, the kangaroo is also wearing a diaper, and the owner's like.

Speaker 1:
[05:37] Kangaroo was just on its own.

Speaker 2:
[05:38] Kangaroo was on its own just hopping around freely in the vintage store, not even on a leash or anything.

Speaker 1:
[05:42] No chaperone in a vintage store is actually wild.

Speaker 2:
[05:45] The guy was like two rows down, just like hanging out. And he was like, oh yeah, you wanna hold my kangaroo? And I was like, yeah, I wanna hold your kangaroo.

Speaker 1:
[05:53] Do you have a picture of the kangaroo?

Speaker 2:
[05:54] Yeah, I have a picture with me in the kangaroo. And so I end up getting to talking to him. And he is, in fact, the owner of an exotic animals ranch called HQ Ranch in Oklahoma.

Speaker 1:
[06:08] You basically met Joe Exotic.

Speaker 2:
[06:10] He knew Joe Exotic, because Oklahoma is where Joe Exotic is from. And the reason why all these exotic animal ranches exist in Oklahoma is because of their laws.

Speaker 1:
[06:21] Yeah, it's kind of the wild west. Maybe if you type kangaroo in pictures, it'll pop up. That helps sometimes.

Speaker 2:
[06:27] So, yep. Well, this is me on the ranch. It didn't pull the one...

Speaker 1:
[06:32] Okay, wait. So you got invited to the ranch?

Speaker 2:
[06:35] So I get to talking to him. He's like, what do you do? I'm like, I'm a comedian. I'm just in town for the weekend. He's like, I've got this ranch. Do you want to come out and see the ranch? I was like, yeah. So, okay.

Speaker 1:
[06:45] This is my dream.

Speaker 2:
[06:46] This is me in a giraffe. Oh my God. First of all, like I was a little nervous when I met him.

Speaker 1:
[06:51] Yeah, because you're like, am I gonna get murdered?

Speaker 2:
[06:53] I was like very tatted up. I was like, I'm in Oklahoma. We had to drive an hour out of Tulsa, Oklahoma into just-

Speaker 1:
[06:59] Were you in his car or yours?

Speaker 2:
[07:01] No, we had a rental.

Speaker 1:
[07:02] Okay, that's positive at least.

Speaker 2:
[07:03] So we drove in ours and I was like, part of me was, I was like, is this guy like one of these like doomsday prepping white supremacist freaking-

Speaker 1:
[07:13] I mean, he could have been a Noah's Ark, modern day Noah's Ark.

Speaker 2:
[07:15] Yeah, or like a religious thing or like flags with groups that I know that I want to stay away from. And so I was nervous, but I get there. It's first of all, beautiful.

Speaker 3:
[07:28] It's a boom-a-foo.

Speaker 2:
[07:30] It's his, it's him and his wife. They're taking amazing care of the animals.

Speaker 1:
[07:34] I was going to ask, I'm like, how ethical?

Speaker 2:
[07:36] Oh no, ethical. Like I was shocked. They do a lot of education. They do a lot of work for zoos. So they're like-

Speaker 1:
[07:43] Are they on TikTok?

Speaker 2:
[07:44] It's called HQ Ranch. Shout them out. Shout out. I told them I would promote them always because they were just so sweet to me and they took such good care of me.

Speaker 1:
[07:52] Oh my God. Yeah. Oh my God, this is him.

Speaker 2:
[07:54] Yeah, that's him. That's my guy.

Speaker 1:
[07:56] Wow.

Speaker 2:
[07:57] And it was just, this is me and a Mongolian camel.

Speaker 1:
[08:02] Oh my gosh.

Speaker 2:
[08:04] I can send you some of these.

Speaker 1:
[08:04] You had the time of your life.

Speaker 2:
[08:06] Oh, it was a blast. And I had this local opener, this guy named Caleb, who was like hosting my shows out there. Very quiet guy, sweet guy, very quiet. And he hadn't said much kind of like the whole weekend, but we invited him out because we, being the opener that I brought from New York, who's like a friend of mine that I bring out. Okay, cool. And then you always like, you kind of meet a local who's working it from the club.

Speaker 1:
[08:28] I love that.

Speaker 2:
[08:29] And I was like, yeah, do you want to come out? And then when we got out there with Caleb, he just had this like special bond with all the animals. Like he didn't say much, but all the animals like gravitated towards him in a really strange way. He was like a silent savant. Look, this is him like, all the kangaroos were like flocking to him and he had this really peaceful energy.

Speaker 1:
[08:50] He must have like some aura. Like that just like he's putting off some energy. Horses, can you hear your heartbeat from like eight feet away?

Speaker 2:
[08:58] Really?

Speaker 1:
[08:58] Yeah, so I wonder if he's just like emitting some energy. That's super cool. Super cool.

Speaker 2:
[09:05] Whatever it was, I wasn't admitting it. Although this giraffe liked me.

Speaker 1:
[09:09] And giraffes can be mean, they can headbutt.

Speaker 2:
[09:12] He could whip his neck up like wah.

Speaker 1:
[09:14] Yeah, a girl in LA, I ended up like at a promoter dinner with her and she got her nose broken from a giraffe and like Malibu.

Speaker 2:
[09:22] Really?

Speaker 1:
[09:22] Yeah, swung and just took her out. I know, I know. But let's get into these stories. They're all crazy, off the charts, kind of like don't be a heckler vibe.

Speaker 2:
[09:33] Okay.

Speaker 1:
[09:34] And we're going to see what you think about them. This episode is brought to you by Twentieth Century Studios, The Devil Wears Prada 2. Only in theaters May 1st. 20 years after the generation-defining classic, Meryl Streep, Anne Hathaway, Emily Blunt, and Stanley Tucci return to the iconic streets of New York and the chaotic halls of Runway Magazine. But here's the situation. Miranda Priestly is in trouble. Like career on the line, company might collapse, major scandal kind of trouble, and good old Andy Sachs, now an award-winning journalist, is called in to do damage control. Can she save the magazine and restore Miranda's reputation in an industry that's completely changed? Where digital's now running the show, and the power dynamics are even more cutthroat? No pressure, Andy. It's the reunion fans have been waiting two decades for. Don't miss The Devil Wears Prada 2, only in theaters May 1st. Get tickets now. Our first one we've got here coming from Am I the Asshole. It is titled, Am I the Asshole for Refusing to Eat My Wife's Spaghetti After I Found Out What She Put In It. Last night, my wife made spaghetti, and it smelled amazing. She said she tried something new and wanted me to just eat it before asking questions. I had a few bites, and it kind of tasted off, but not terrible, just weirdly sweet and earthy. I asked what she changed, and she told me that she blended up leftover spaghetti from six days ago and mixed it into the sauce to thicken it. I immediately stopped eating. I know it is technically the same ingredients, but the idea of blended old noodles mixed into fresh sauce made me feel sick. She got offended and said I already ate half of a plate, so clearly it was fine, and I was just being dramatic now that I knew. I told her that is exactly the point. I did not know. If I had known beforehand, I would not have eaten it. She said I was being wasteful and disrespectful and acting like she served me garbage. I ended up making a sandwich because I could not finish it, and she got really upset and barely talked to me the rest of the night. Now she told her family, and they think that I embarrassed her. But my mom thinks it's gross and I should not have been tricked into eating it. I feel bad for hurting her feelings, but I also feel like I should get a say in what I'm eating. Am I the asshole?

Speaker 2:
[12:45] Wow. Are they lesbians?

Speaker 1:
[12:47] No mention of gender or ages.

Speaker 2:
[12:50] I just can't picture a man stopping eating that. If he was hungry.

Speaker 1:
[13:00] The minute I find out something's old though, I love a leftover, but six days, you're kind of bordering on mold.

Speaker 2:
[13:09] Well, it's definitely yucky. I feel like I have a girlfriend and she's a great cook, but she oftentimes likes to throw things in. That's like, oh, let me experiment. That's part of her...

Speaker 1:
[13:26] What's she doing to your food?

Speaker 2:
[13:27] I'm trying to think of a time where I was like, what did you put in here? A lot of like, okay, I don't know anything about cooking, so I don't know how normal these things are. But I know that reusing the oils and the pasta water and pouring that kind of stuff in. She does a lot of like, she drains it out and then she takes the drained thing and then she drains that again. And then there's like a... That seems legit.

Speaker 1:
[13:54] I mean, that's how like you make gravy, by like draining fat and whatever.

Speaker 2:
[13:58] This sounds like a person that thought they were gonna, I know we were just throw bashing before this.

Speaker 1:
[14:04] We don't cook.

Speaker 2:
[14:04] Both of us trying to talk about cooking.

Speaker 1:
[14:06] We're like, what is that?

Speaker 2:
[14:07] I'm like, I don't know if you're the asshole because I don't know enough about the culinary arts. I mean, it's gross. You think Six Days is mold prone?

Speaker 1:
[14:18] Yeah.

Speaker 2:
[14:19] Okay.

Speaker 1:
[14:19] Right?

Speaker 2:
[14:20] I don't know. I mean, I don't, like, I'll leave a pizza on the counter, not refrigerate it and eat it for a few days.

Speaker 1:
[14:28] Days or one night?

Speaker 2:
[14:30] One night, now that I've seen your reaction.

Speaker 1:
[14:32] Days?

Speaker 2:
[14:33] Maybe like definitely the next morning and maybe more that day.

Speaker 1:
[14:37] Oh no.

Speaker 2:
[14:40] So I don't know. I don't, I guess you're not an asshole because you should decide. I think it's all, to me, it's all in the messaging. Like you have to be grateful that your significant other is cooking for you because that is never expected.

Speaker 1:
[14:58] True.

Speaker 2:
[14:58] So I think along with a healthy dose of gratitude, it is fair to say now that I know it's in the food, I don't want to eat it, especially if you're worried that the food is unhealthy.

Speaker 1:
[15:10] Yeah.

Speaker 2:
[15:10] So I don't think that makes you the asshole. However, I think if someone feels disrespected when they cook for you based on your reaction, it's possible that your reaction is erring on the side of disrespectful. I think you have to be a little extra thankful when anyone cooks for you.

Speaker 1:
[15:28] How are you envisioning the reaction? Are you envisioning a like, yuck, I'm disgusted, like are you envisioning like outrage? Or just like, I'm envisioning like a slow push the plate away, like, hmm, not gonna be able to finish that.

Speaker 2:
[15:44] With a slow push the plate away, I think you're so not the asshole.

Speaker 1:
[15:49] Okay, so reaction would matter here. According to Google, cooked pasta usually only lasts three to five days in the refrigerator before spoiling.

Speaker 2:
[16:00] Oh no.

Speaker 1:
[16:01] And this was day six.

Speaker 2:
[16:03] Okay, you're not the asshole. Especially if you knew this. I didn't know this.

Speaker 1:
[16:09] I mean...

Speaker 2:
[16:09] If you know that pasta goes bad within a few days...

Speaker 1:
[16:14] Yeah.

Speaker 2:
[16:15] Yeah.

Speaker 1:
[16:16] Yeah, I mean, I would have thought to Google it quickly before I'm like, let me blend up this old food that's kind of starting to stink into my new food. Cause wouldn't that make the new food spoil faster as well?

Speaker 2:
[16:29] You know what I mean? You're introducing like mold to it, for sure. Cause then the mold could grow in the new food.

Speaker 1:
[16:37] Also I have some unfortunate news about pizza.

Speaker 2:
[16:39] Oh no.

Speaker 1:
[16:41] Hmm. Yeah, it's not good. Michigan State did a study. They sampled the pizza. The Spartans? I don't know.

Speaker 2:
[16:49] Or the state of Michigan.

Speaker 1:
[16:51] Michigan State, the school.

Speaker 2:
[16:53] Okay.

Speaker 1:
[16:53] Michigan State.

Speaker 2:
[16:54] The Spartans.

Speaker 1:
[16:55] Yeah, food safety expert, Dr. Teresa Bergholz, and they swabbed pizza just six hours after it being out on the counter.

Speaker 2:
[17:04] What was in the swab?

Speaker 1:
[17:06] Bacteria cultures already.

Speaker 2:
[17:09] Does that mean... That's gonna... You know what that's gonna do to me?

Speaker 1:
[17:15] Make you eat the pizza right away and then put it in the fridge?

Speaker 2:
[17:17] That is gonna change the way that I eat leftover pizza forever.

Speaker 1:
[17:21] I mean, six hours, you're still... She says it's still like very low level, but...

Speaker 2:
[17:27] I close the box, like the bacteria can't fly in through the box.

Speaker 1:
[17:32] I think it's temperature. I think it's temperature. I know.

Speaker 2:
[17:38] This is like one of those things, so my girlfriend's British, and when I travel all around America for comedy, she wouldn't want to drink the tap water in certain hotel sinks. And I was like, no, if it's like a big hotel chain, it's totally fine. Marriott's not going to let me sue them because I got sick from their tap water.

Speaker 1:
[18:01] I honestly don't think they're putting reverse osmosis systems in their stuff.

Speaker 2:
[18:05] Reverse osmosis systems?

Speaker 1:
[18:07] Yeah, it takes PFAS and like lead.

Speaker 2:
[18:09] How do you know all this about this?

Speaker 1:
[18:11] I don't know. I'm weird with water. I like don't drink tap water.

Speaker 2:
[18:15] So, okay. So, I start calling hotels like gradually.

Speaker 1:
[18:21] And asking them about their water.

Speaker 2:
[18:23] Asking them how the water is and like at least 50% of the time, they were like, oh, don't drink that. And I was like, really?

Speaker 1:
[18:32] Yeah, she was right.

Speaker 2:
[18:33] And then I was looking up like different states. It turns out like many states have water that's sort of in violation of what you'd want it to be.

Speaker 1:
[18:42] Yeah. Think about poor Flint, Michigan. How long they went without clean drinking water.

Speaker 2:
[18:47] But I thought like, in my mind, I'm like, well, Flint was a national news story because they didn't have clean water. Ipso facto, the assumption is it does. But I'm from New York, so it's like New York has some of the highest rated.

Speaker 1:
[19:00] People rave about the tap water there.

Speaker 2:
[19:01] Tap water.

Speaker 1:
[19:02] Yeah, people are kind of snobs about New York's tap water. They're like, I can't eat bagels anywhere else because the New York water makes the bagel.

Speaker 2:
[19:11] Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1:
[19:12] Yeah, it's raved about.

Speaker 2:
[19:14] I don't know. So now I'm like kind of off tap water, and then you're drinking bottles, and now you're into Microplasticville.

Speaker 1:
[19:20] Yeah, you have to get glass jugs, which they do have, but then if you look at the brand of water that's in the glass jugs, they have a class action lawsuit for like Chromium or something. It's just a whole thing. We can't escape it.

Speaker 2:
[19:33] So what do you do? What's your practice? Do you ignore the Microplastics thing?

Speaker 1:
[19:38] You know, I try to. They're already in my brain, clearly. I think we see that every week. You can only do so much. So it's hard, but this is why I think colon cancer is shooting up. Just everyone's getting sick.

Speaker 2:
[19:54] I'm always constipated.

Speaker 1:
[19:57] How old are you?

Speaker 2:
[19:58] 30.

Speaker 1:
[19:59] Have you talked to a GI specialist? No.

Speaker 2:
[20:02] I don't really go to the doctor.

Speaker 1:
[20:04] What do you mean?

Speaker 2:
[20:05] Because I find that more often than not, they tell me everything's fine.

Speaker 1:
[20:09] Unfortunately, you do have to advocate for yourself. It's very unfortunate. Colon cancer is a big care in the Two Hot Takes universe. And March was Colon Cancer Awareness Month. And so we talked a lot about that. And we've had a lot of listeners, because of the show, go and get diagnosed with colon cancer.

Speaker 2:
[20:26] Really?

Speaker 1:
[20:28] Not saying that's what you have, but if you have stomach bowel irregularities, you should...

Speaker 2:
[20:33] Constant constipation can probably increase your risk.

Speaker 1:
[20:36] Do you get enough fiber?

Speaker 2:
[20:37] I do, but isn't fiber one of the... Okay, this is where I go with every health thing. You look into fiber, they're like, okay, if you eat fiber, it makes you poo. If you eat too much fiber, it constipates you.

Speaker 1:
[20:47] It's a fine line with everything.

Speaker 2:
[20:49] Where's the balance? And then I hope that I'm just getting enough fiber. But last time I went to get a physical, my doctor, I think I was like 23. So it's been a while. It's been like seven years.

Speaker 1:
[21:02] Seven years? Lucas!

Speaker 2:
[21:04] I know.

Speaker 1:
[21:04] It's time.

Speaker 2:
[21:05] It's probably time.

Speaker 1:
[21:06] It's time. Just like even like get your blood work up, your normal preventative care. Dentist, you should be going every six months.

Speaker 2:
[21:12] I'm not doing that, but I am going probably once a year.

Speaker 1:
[21:16] Do you get cavities often?

Speaker 2:
[21:17] I do usually have them when I go back.

Speaker 1:
[21:19] Maybe every six months would be better, no cavities.

Speaker 2:
[21:21] Unquestionably so. And last time-

Speaker 1:
[21:26] There's probably so many people listening where they're like, I haven't been to the dentist in four years.

Speaker 2:
[21:30] I guess right in, like, am I driving you nuts right now, or are you feeling seen? Or maybe it's 50-50.

Speaker 1:
[21:36] We could do a poll.

Speaker 2:
[21:37] We could do a poll.

Speaker 1:
[21:38] When was the last time you went to the dentist?

Speaker 2:
[21:39] Yeah, are you being driven nuts by this lack of medical attention, or are you-

Speaker 1:
[21:44] I will say, I'm a bit of a hypochondriac, so like, don't let my anxiety rub off on you.

Speaker 2:
[21:48] Well, LA in general is a different culture around self-care, physical self-care. And so I think when I come out here, I just feel like a total piece of shit, because in New York, it's like, everyone's like, well, whatever. We're all, we live, we are the rats, you know? But then out here, it's like-

Speaker 1:
[22:04] Oh, thank God.

Speaker 2:
[22:05] It's like everyone looks amazing all the time.

Speaker 1:
[22:07] The rats are going to hate to see you coming or whatever that, like, what was that clip? It was like one of your, like, mayors are like public health workers.

Speaker 2:
[22:16] I know what you're talking about.

Speaker 1:
[22:17] The rat press conference.

Speaker 2:
[22:18] Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1:
[22:19] Insert clip here.

Speaker 2:
[22:19] It's a big problem.

Speaker 1:
[22:21] The rats are absolutely going to hate this announcement. The rats don't run this city. We do.

Speaker 2:
[22:29] Oh, last time I went for a physical, the doctor tried to put his fingers up my butt. He said, I'm going to look around.

Speaker 1:
[22:35] Prostate exam.

Speaker 2:
[22:36] He said prostate exam. I said, well, what is the risk of prostate cancer for a 23-year-old? He said almost zero.

Speaker 1:
[22:43] I said, let's pass then.

Speaker 2:
[22:44] I said, maybe we could not do this, you know.

Speaker 1:
[22:48] I wonder why you didn't go back.

Speaker 2:
[22:50] And I swear to God, I go, can we skip it? And he goes, okay. I was like, are you bummed?

Speaker 1:
[22:56] Yeah, he is.

Speaker 2:
[22:57] I was like, either.

Speaker 1:
[22:58] He wanted to palpate your prostate.

Speaker 2:
[23:00] I was like, if you tell me you need to do this, you better not be like, never mind.

Speaker 1:
[23:04] What was the medical indication?

Speaker 3:
[23:06] Like what?

Speaker 2:
[23:07] What was the what?

Speaker 1:
[23:08] Like what was his indication that he needed to do that? I don't know.

Speaker 2:
[23:12] I think he just felt it would be good to start.

Speaker 1:
[23:14] Were you constipated back then, too?

Speaker 2:
[23:16] No.

Speaker 1:
[23:19] What is happening?

Speaker 2:
[23:20] No, I think he just wanted to see what was going on.

Speaker 1:
[23:23] Okay. Well, that's scary.

Speaker 2:
[23:25] It scared me that he backed off of it so quickly.

Speaker 1:
[23:28] Yeah.

Speaker 2:
[23:28] Like it's like, if you're a doctor and I say, I don't want to do this, he should go, well, really, you know, it's important to do this. But instead he was like, it's fine, whatever. He was like, we don't even have to do this.

Speaker 1:
[23:41] That's crazy. Oh my God, I don't even know what to think about this.

Speaker 2:
[23:47] Freaks me out, man.

Speaker 1:
[23:47] Wow, if we have any MDs in the chat, let us know what that was about.

Speaker 2:
[23:53] Yeah, let us know how normal it is for a 23-year-old male to get a prostate exam. Am I the asshole? Is my asshole the asshole?

Speaker 1:
[24:02] I'm just perplexed. The spaghetti though, top comment, not the asshole. They quoted what OP said, it tasted kind of off, but not terrible, just weirdly sweet and earthy. And then they go, you want to know what that earthy taste probably was? Mold.

Speaker 2:
[24:19] Oh no.

Speaker 1:
[24:21] Next comment down, yep. Next comment down, this is the one. You get an earthy taste in something that shouldn't taste earthy if you are tasting mold and fungus. Now I'm like, I've definitely took a bite of some earthy bread.

Speaker 2:
[24:39] I mean, listen, earthy is not always bad, but well, or so it is.

Speaker 1:
[24:44] I mean, in this case.

Speaker 2:
[24:45] I guess it is.

Speaker 1:
[24:46] Oh my God.

Speaker 2:
[24:47] God, I'm gonna leave here like a different guy for the, I'm gonna be like, I'm gonna be like a germaphobe when I leave here.

Speaker 1:
[24:54] Well, this is, I think this is the only like gross one.

Speaker 2:
[24:56] Okay, good.

Speaker 1:
[24:57] This is, it's okay. Yeah.

Speaker 2:
[25:00] I guess, yeah, we should all take good care of ourselves.

Speaker 1:
[25:02] Take good care of yourself. Not the asshole. I know like people comment, they're like, no times are tough, but like you maybe saved $2 by doing this. And like your health and like getting food poisoning is not worth the $2.

Speaker 2:
[25:15] Yeah, you'll incur more cost than you will.

Speaker 1:
[25:16] Yeah. Yeah. So they're like, do not do this, people. Earthy taste would most likely be mold, mold and rot.

Speaker 2:
[25:24] Rot.

Speaker 1:
[25:24] Not the asshole. Leftover pasta can actually make you very sick. That's that thing. If you leave pasta out on the counter, even like there's a time limit, it can have this like rare bacteria. It can like die. Pasta and rice. There's like a cool down period. You can't put it in if it's too hot and it has to be in within like 30 minutes of it becoming room temperature. This is like the food safety stuff. They don't teach us and they really should.

Speaker 2:
[25:50] I think, I guess I would rather they not because I would like never function. Like it's like the tick. Have you heard of the tick that if it bites you, you get allergic to red meat forever?

Speaker 1:
[26:02] No.

Speaker 2:
[26:02] There's this tick and it's a, you can look it up, but if it bites you, it's in the Northeast, like common.

Speaker 1:
[26:10] Is it a version of Lyme disease?

Speaker 2:
[26:13] I think it is, it's certainly.

Speaker 1:
[26:16] It's called Alpha Gal Syndrome. It's from the Lone Star Tick. Potentially life-threatening allergy to red meat and dairy.

Speaker 2:
[26:25] For the rest of your life.

Speaker 1:
[26:27] Oh, that's really tough.

Speaker 2:
[26:29] And I love a steak.

Speaker 1:
[26:32] That's crazy.

Speaker 2:
[26:33] That's scary for me. That's like a big piece of my food triangle.

Speaker 1:
[26:36] Yeah, wow. Okay, we're gonna stop giving you guys nightmares and new things to worry about and move on to this next one. Okay, this one is coming from Am I the Asshole. It is titled, Am I the Asshole for drinking the beers I brought to a party, even though it was more than people were allowed to drink. I, 30s male, am in a graduate program where most of my classmates are either fresh out of college or have had one or two years since graduating. I was invited to a party by one of my classmates, early mid-20s male. He said everyone was going to bring a six pack of beer and we would all swap and try each others. My partner, 30s male, came with me, but he said he didn't want to drink because he wanted to work on something the next morning. My partner and I both chose a six pack of beer to bring, nothing fancy, just two types of IPAs. We showed up and hung out and had a good time, I thought. Everyone put their six packs on the table and everyone would just walk up and grab one when they needed another drink. I ended up having eight beers that night. My partner, my partner didn't have any. But then my classmate who invited me got mad because I had eight and we were only allowed six each. I said that since my partner and I brought 12, it was okay that I drank eight because my partner didn't drink any. Like as a couple, we brought more than we drink. But my classmate told me that was bullshit and asked me to pay for the two extra beers I drank. Am I being crazy or is this whole thing unnecessary?

Speaker 2:
[28:20] You're not the asshole, you're just an alcoholic. What? You ended up having eight, who blinks and is eight beers in?

Speaker 1:
[28:29] I mean, we don't get to mention over how long it was.

Speaker 2:
[28:33] It would have to be so long for eight beers to go down without noticing.

Speaker 1:
[28:41] See, and then I'm like, this is how I know I'm not maybe the best response on this because I'm like, I'm from the Midwest and people there will bring a pack of Natty Light and just.

Speaker 2:
[28:52] I'll have eight beers, but that's behavior when you're trying to get shit faced.

Speaker 1:
[28:56] Yeah, no, it's binge drinking for sure. And they're IPAs, which have a higher alcohol content usually.

Speaker 2:
[29:02] You're drinking eight hamburgers? Those are meaty beers.

Speaker 1:
[29:08] Yeah, yeah, okay, yeah. But I will say, overall, the concept, regardless of him being, you know, maybe having a drinking problem, I think there is a little bit of injustice here.

Speaker 2:
[29:21] Oh, there's great injustice, because if you bring 12 beers and you drink eight, you should never be on the hook to pay. No matter what the formulation of the party is, that makes no sense.

Speaker 1:
[29:31] What about those four other beers he left behind? What about that? Are you gonna pay me for the four?

Speaker 2:
[29:35] Yeah, contribute those. In fact, let's make a deal. You have those four and we're even.

Speaker 1:
[29:43] Like what?

Speaker 2:
[29:45] No, that doesn't make any sense.

Speaker 1:
[29:46] I'm like, are they just...

Speaker 2:
[29:47] They might just hate you.

Speaker 1:
[29:49] Yeah, they're kind of like, I don't know, they're heckling, but just kind of like mentally fucking with him a little bit.

Speaker 2:
[29:56] Are you leaving out the part where you were so drunk that you punched a hole in the wall at this guy's house?

Speaker 1:
[30:02] I know, I'm curious if there's other contacts.

Speaker 2:
[30:04] Am I the asshole because I have eight beers? Sure, there's a couple hours of the night I don't really recall, and then everyone's mad at me the next day? It feels like it's about something else. If it's just about this, no way you're the asshole, but it can't be just about this. There's no way.

Speaker 1:
[30:20] Maybe it's an age thing though. They're kind of younger 20s. He's mid 30s.

Speaker 2:
[30:28] But everyone's, what, this is a graduate program? Everyone's getting an advanced degree. Yeah, I'm surely.

Speaker 1:
[30:35] You think they could count.

Speaker 2:
[30:36] Yeah.

Speaker 1:
[30:37] And understand.

Speaker 2:
[30:37] You think this wouldn't be a contentious issue if everyone's paid for a six pack. They've paid for two six packs. This kind of something else is going on here.

Speaker 1:
[30:49] Some people cannot do basic math though.

Speaker 2:
[30:51] I'd be curious what kind of graduate program it is. Is it like anthropology?

Speaker 1:
[30:55] Let's see if we have any comments from OP. The top comment is not the asshole. First of all, that's a ridiculous level of bean counting for a party set up in this way. Secondly, couples' contributions do count together. But never mind any of that. I would just tell this guy, okay, I don't agree with this, but I'll be the bigger person and give money to whomever ended up short. Oh, and by the way, partner brought six and drank zero. So when should he expect to get his money back and from whom? Ooh. Yeah, someone responds to that and goes, oh, devious little creature. I love this. Yes, the partner should definitely get back money for four beers if they want to tango this way. Mm-hmm. Okay, let's see if there's any comments from OP here. Don't know where this guy's coming from. Maybe he's still drunk. LOL. Yeah, this whole thing's weird to me. Like, okay, if you want to be mad I drank too much, that's your prerogative. But it's not like you're the one who paid for it? Question mark?

Speaker 2:
[31:57] Yeah, that I agree with. It's like if this is about something else, then tell him. If you're mad he drank too much because this was a six pack party, well, admittedly, if this is a six pack party and everyone's supposed to have six, eight's not crazy. Because once you're having six, like six beers is, to me, like a chill night is like two, maybe three.

Speaker 1:
[32:21] Okay.

Speaker 2:
[32:21] And I say this as a six foot two man. You know what I mean? Like, I could have more, but that's, it's just not chill to have five plus beers ever, in my opinion.

Speaker 1:
[32:33] Yeah. Okay. So I'm, I'm, I was trying to like put in a concept, how many drinks that would be, because I'm not a beer drinker. I have like no idea the concept of beers. So I'm thinking like, oh, five percent alcohol, like whatever. But if it was eight, 12 ounce beers, that equals eight standard drinks. But if they were stronger beers, like an IPA and larger, eight beers could roughly equal 10 to 16 standard drinks.

Speaker 2:
[33:04] Oh yeah, if they're drinking tall boys.

Speaker 1:
[33:06] That's, okay, that's insane. That's a problem. But I, okay, I'm gonna assume they were just the regular like 12 ounce.

Speaker 2:
[33:12] I assume they were, yeah, I'm picturing like a regular, like a can of this size, but it's an IPA.

Speaker 1:
[33:19] Yeah.

Speaker 2:
[33:20] So you're not, that's not eight Bud Lights. And by the way, eight Bud Lights.

Speaker 1:
[33:24] That's also a problem. Yeah. Okay, I'm getting more on, I'm like, oh fuck.

Speaker 2:
[33:27] You know what I mean?

Speaker 1:
[33:28] Yeah.

Speaker 2:
[33:29] Because even six, to me, drinking a full six pack, is like I'm watching the Super Bowl with my friends.

Speaker 1:
[33:36] Yeah.

Speaker 2:
[33:37] And I'm not too heavy of a drinker, so maybe I'm being a little prude in the eyes of the listeners.

Speaker 1:
[33:42] No, I think this is probably a healthy good take.

Speaker 2:
[33:44] I feel like now that I'm 30 at least, like in college, of course, you know, you're trying to binge drink pretty much every time you go out.

Speaker 1:
[33:51] Yeah.

Speaker 2:
[33:51] But we would drink hard liquor in college just to like actually get drunk because we were in such good drinking ship at that time that probably six beers would have just taken too long and my body would have been processing it too quickly. But these days, graduate school is kind of a... I went to graduate school.

Speaker 1:
[34:08] Same.

Speaker 2:
[34:09] Okay, nice. What did you do?

Speaker 1:
[34:12] I got a doctorate in occupational therapy.

Speaker 2:
[34:14] Oh, shit. Okay, so you're...

Speaker 1:
[34:16] I don't use it.

Speaker 2:
[34:17] Yes, you do. This is...

Speaker 1:
[34:19] Oh, wait.

Speaker 2:
[34:19] Occupational therapy is different than talk therapy. Yeah. Occupational therapy is like speech pathology?

Speaker 1:
[34:26] Speech pathology is different. It's more comparable to physical therapy, but we focus more, I would say, on neuro and in the context of functional activities, like your day-to-day tasks or things like that. We don't help people find jobs. We could, but it's more so dressing, bathing, grooming, things like that.

Speaker 2:
[34:45] Got it. So there's not much connection between that and reading Reddit stories and then analyzing.

Speaker 1:
[34:51] I would say very little.

Speaker 2:
[34:52] Okay.

Speaker 1:
[34:54] Very little.

Speaker 2:
[34:55] Sure. Well, I went to business school.

Speaker 1:
[34:57] Okay, cool.

Speaker 2:
[34:58] Which teaches you nothing about anything.

Speaker 1:
[34:59] Okay.

Speaker 2:
[35:00] So don't worry. I never have to wonder if I'm Using your degree? Using it because you can't. There's no way to use it.

Speaker 1:
[35:05] I feel like you could in standup, but okay.

Speaker 2:
[35:07] I mean, standup's a little entrepreneurial in a sense, but I can't necessarily point to too much that happened in business school because I couldn't have learned with my own judgment.

Speaker 1:
[35:18] The economics of it all, micro, macro, what's going on there.

Speaker 2:
[35:21] Yeah, the Fed rates don't really impact my ticket sales for my tour of the world. But it was a big drinking culture in business school.

Speaker 1:
[35:32] Is that a finance thing? More so than grad school?

Speaker 2:
[35:35] I think it's also like I went, because I was at a bit of an impasse of, I had just started doing standup comedy, but I wasn't ready to go all in on it, and I wanted a plan B, and I think it was sort of, I was a bit lost, and I think a lot of people go, and they're a bit lost, and a lot of people go, and they're single, and they're lost, and all of that kind of contributes to like a bit of a party and hookup culture. It can be like college round two for people that felt they didn't do college right, which wasn't how I used it, but some people do.

Speaker 1:
[36:08] Yeah, mine, I would say, was not super drink heavy. Like there were definitely nights out. But I would say like my group was probably a little more nose to the grind. What's that?

Speaker 2:
[36:22] To the grindstone?

Speaker 1:
[36:23] Yeah, that one. So I didn't have that college 2.0 experience, but I also had friends that were like in my area, cause like my grad school was here. So I wasn't always with.

Speaker 2:
[36:34] You weren't like in the community as much as some people might have been if they were away from home.

Speaker 1:
[36:40] OP does have an edit on this post. Lesson learned, don't party with grad students.

Speaker 2:
[36:46] Yeah, well that, I will say this, so OP sounds like he's in a good relationship.

Speaker 1:
[36:53] Yeah.

Speaker 2:
[36:54] And I think grad school partying can be a bit of a single man's game. Like it can be clicky, it can be, I noticed that when I was there.

Speaker 1:
[37:06] Well, like when people put it in a perspective or comments too, is this really worth the confrontation over $4? People are like, just pay it. Never party with these weirdos again. They sound lame as fuck. Yeah. And that's also true. Like if you have to be in grad school with them for another two years.

Speaker 2:
[37:21] Yeah, just pay it.

Speaker 1:
[37:22] Four bucks, like maybe he really, like.

Speaker 2:
[37:25] Definitely pay it, cause then otherwise they're gonna go around and be like, he fucking didn't pay us for the, you know, there's gonna be a story.

Speaker 1:
[37:32] Oh, you know they'd start that shit.

Speaker 2:
[37:33] Yeah, you know there's gonna be a story that like isn't what happened. So you always just pay it, unless it's an amount of money that's like, you simply have to.

Speaker 1:
[37:41] What's the limit? Like, I feel like the most they could ask for, I mean, a six pack, 20 bucks.

Speaker 2:
[37:47] Yeah, I think.

Speaker 1:
[37:47] Unless you're in Canada.

Speaker 2:
[37:48] If they're saying the two beers, oh, this isn't Canada's.

Speaker 1:
[37:50] No, no, we don't know, but like Canada beers.

Speaker 2:
[37:52] Oh, unless you're in Canada.

Speaker 1:
[37:53] Yeah, like how much are they really asking for? Like Morson's. So expensive.

Speaker 2:
[37:58] Yeah, two beers would be maybe.

Speaker 1:
[38:00] Eight tops.

Speaker 2:
[38:02] Yeah, probably cause they're like, they bought them in six pack formation.

Speaker 1:
[38:06] Divide by six.

Speaker 2:
[38:07] I think if it's over 20 bucks, you have to be like, guys, come on. What's going on?

Speaker 1:
[38:13] Okay. I think that.

Speaker 2:
[38:13] I think under 20 bucks, as it approaches 20, like 20 would be kind of an annoying amount, cause keep in mind, you've already each bought.

Speaker 1:
[38:21] Two packs.

Speaker 2:
[38:21] So now you're in for like 40 or maybe a few and your partner split it 30 each for this party that like you've left with a bad taste in your mouth.

Speaker 1:
[38:29] I think 10 bucks would be my limit. I'm willing to pay $10 to not deal with drama, but after that, I'm like the injustice and the principle of it all. No, fuck you.

Speaker 2:
[38:40] I think 20, well, I've definitely paid more to not deal with drama for sure.

Speaker 1:
[38:48] Really?

Speaker 2:
[38:49] But I also think it depends. I don't know. I had like a situation where someone that was working for me, we had a misunderstanding, where I had offered a bonus for a certain project and this person took it to mean that this bonus exists for all of his work. Like I basically, he had been making clips for me. And I said, for every clip that does this well, I'll give you a financial bonus. Yeah. But it was attached to a certain batch of clips I was giving him. And then like three months later, he had a couple clips perform that well. And he was like, can I get the bonus? And I was like, you know what? You can, because I was like...

Speaker 1:
[39:36] A little bit of a miscommunication maybe.

Speaker 2:
[39:37] I was like, one, I don't think you're acting in the wrong. And also I'm like, you did get the result that I was attaching a financial bonus to. But this isn't the same thing. You know what I mean? This is very different.

Speaker 1:
[39:48] And then you just move forward with it.

Speaker 2:
[39:49] So I just paid him and I was like, I want to have a relationship with you over the long term. I'm sure if I tried to explain my perspective, he might understand, but I'm sure he also wouldn't feel good about it.

Speaker 1:
[40:01] Exactly. Yeah. No, so there's times pick your battles and this might be one of them. If it's under $10, that's my hot take. But not the asshole. I think these people are weirdos.

Speaker 2:
[40:14] I agree.

Speaker 1:
[40:15] But we'll see what we think about the next one. This episode is brought to you by Skims. I know it can be hard to feel confident in what you're wearing sometimes. And when you have good undergarments, you can feel so empowered and comfortable and confident in what you're wearing. And I love all of Skims' undergarments, but especially the shapewear and the bodysuits, how smooth and seamless they look under whatever outfit I'm pairing them with, especially when you're wearing something a little more form-fitting. I want to feel confident and love what I'm wearing, not have to worry about anything, which is why I recommend Skims to all my friends. I also have been really loving the bras. I have this black lace-trimmed online demi-bra, and it is so flattering, so comfortable. I don't race to take it off when I get home at the end of the day. The Fits Everybody Scoop Bralette has become a staple for me. I feel like I just can't go wrong with Skims. Shop everyday cotton and all of my favorite bras and underwear at skims.com. After you place your order, be sure to let them know we sent you. Select Podcast in the survey, and be sure to select our show in the drop-down menu that follows. Thank you. This is coming from r slash Relationship Advice. It is titled, I, 29 female, slept with a new guy, 34 male, for the first time, and felt he was rude to me. Was he? Dated a new guy for a month. He was a gentleman and very kind towards me. He very recently just told me how much he liked me and that I'm, quote, pretty, but most of all, I'm a kind person with a good heart, which is most important above anything, end quotes. His intentions seemed genuine towards me. We had texted slash spoke on the phone every day up until Thursday when I came to his side of the city we live in and went out for cocktails and to watch a band. Afterwards, we went back to his place, which was around the corner from the venue. Everything felt right and we slept together for the first time. First time I'd had sex in nine months. It was very good, passionate. We both enjoyed it. Everything I thought it would be. The second it was over and he had finished, he exclaimed how good it was, then got off me and walked into his kitchen to check his phone, which was charging on the kitchen worktop. He lives in an apartment so I could see this from his bed. He then stood there and watched the football highlights. Then he started to type for a while, so I assumed he was replying to text messages. Then he went and sat on the sofa for a few minutes. He eventually came back in his room, didn't say a word, just plugged in his phone charge and set an alarm for 7 AM. We both were off work the next day. He said, quote, You can stay if you want, but just so you know, I'll be up at 7 AM. I want to go to the gym. Night. He said this while his back was to me. Then went straight to sleep, not facing me. I stayed on the other side of the bed and eventually fell asleep myself. I felt awkward being there. Alarm went off at 7 AM. We both woke up. I said good morning. He replied in kind. Again, no touching or looking over at me. He jumped straight out of bed. We got to sleep at 2 AM, so I'm pretty tired. But I get out of bed myself and go to his bathroom. By the time I get out, he's looking through his wardrobe, deciding what he wants to wear for the day. I sit on my bed and book my Uber. I attempt to make small talk and ask more about plans for the day with his friend. Again, doesn't look at me while replying, just looked through his wardrobe. At this point, I felt like I had served my purpose the night before and was no longer necessary. My Uber arrives, he walks me to his door. The Uber driver has parked at the end of his street due to the roadwork that had taken place over the week. He says bye to me as I walk down the road. This was on Thursday night slash Friday morning. No, quote, did you get home okay? Or, I had a good night text. Nothing, nothing for over two days until an hour ago when he texted simply, quote, recovered yet. I've not texted back and I don't think I even want to see him again. My friend is trying to convince me that he was just busy today, but being busy has never stopped him before. We had texted every day and to be honest, I'm put out by how distant he was after we had sex for the first time. He knows I don't have casual sex and I hadn't slept with anyone for over nine months. I felt like his behavior was inconsiderate and I feel quite used. I wasn't expecting a marriage proposal after sex, just basic eye contact, conversation, maybe a hug. My friends think I'm overreacting, am I?

Speaker 2:
[45:00] Okay, here's what I'll say. She's describing a lot of micro-moments and so it's hard to say without being there how all these micro-moments might have felt to him versus you. Like I think when you're getting to know someone, especially early on, especially the first time you sleep together, there could be a lot of moments that you may read as distance, that he may feel vulnerable in or shy in. Here's where I'm, before I get in trouble with the girlies, I want to say this. I am leaning towards saying that she is not in the wrong at all, but before I do that, I just want to contextualize.

Speaker 1:
[45:43] Are you devil's advocating a little bit?

Speaker 2:
[45:45] I mean, I'm a white man. This is my job to devil's advocate. This is, I went to devil's advocate university. You have to understand this, ladies. Ladies, quiet down. It's man time now. Ladies.

Speaker 1:
[45:57] Let me mansplain this for you.

Speaker 2:
[45:58] Let me explain something to you. No, but this is important to know, okay? First of all, he should have texted, I think he should have texted that day. So I don't think you're overreacting in that regard. I think it's a polite thing to do. Did you get home safe? Any of those. I think waiting two days is rude. I think waking up at 7 a.m. is a little psycho if it's not normal for him, but you've gotten to know him a little bit. Some guys are kind of psycho like that. Like some guys have the day off work and they do want to wake up. I wouldn't, you know, I would want to. I'd be excited about spending the morning together.

Speaker 1:
[46:34] Yes.

Speaker 2:
[46:35] So clearly, there's something going on, which is that he's not gushing, this did not bring him closer to you in the way that it felt like maybe it brought you closer to him. So that's without question, and I don't think you're crazy for picking up on that, noticing that and feeling some type of way about it. But the one thing I will say is when you come as a man, we do not unlock physiologically the same feelings that women you do. I'm assuming this woman didn't come because it's the first time they had sex.

Speaker 1:
[47:14] I don't know. I mean, she said it was passionate.

Speaker 2:
[47:17] She did say it was good.

Speaker 1:
[47:18] It was very good. Passionate.

Speaker 2:
[47:20] If, women, if you enjoy having sex with a man, it seems, and I think this is backed up biologically, that a lot of oxytocin is released. You want to cuddle. You're feeling connected.

Speaker 1:
[47:33] Yes.

Speaker 2:
[47:34] I do think, and this, I think is also backed up by science, that the second we come, we feel shy, distant, like a little bit vulnerable, a little bit embarrassed, like we want to get lost.

Speaker 1:
[47:48] Yeah. No, it is backed by science. It's like literally women have the love hormone, and men get the opposite hormone. They're like, yep, I'm good, bye.

Speaker 2:
[47:55] Yeah, and so I'll say this, okay? When I really like someone, like my girlfriend now, I remember I was so nervous having sex with her for the first time because I knew I was so into her. And I was like, oh, I don't wanna fuck this up.

Speaker 1:
[48:12] Yeah, like it's gotta be good.

Speaker 2:
[48:13] Yeah, and it was kind of clunky as a result.

Speaker 1:
[48:17] I feel like most first times with a new person are.

Speaker 2:
[48:20] Totally. And when I came, because I was so into her, I didn't feel that I wanna get out. So I think these things always come down to like, if he were obsessed with you, you'd know. And clearly it's not that. But what I will say is, I'm not sure you can know right now how bad it is, because if it's anywhere from, he's still getting to know you, all the way to he's really not into it, these behaviors could possibly be, I'm not going to say reasonable, but they could be, I wouldn't be shocked to see them out of a man who's maybe not the most socially aware and not the most thoughtful person.

Speaker 1:
[49:02] Do you confront him? Cause I agree, I don't think she's overreacting at all. My instincts say he was just looking for sex and you kind of got love bombed in all of this. I mean, the line here, it's a beautiful line, beautiful line. I mean, who doesn't want to be told this? You're pretty, but most of all, I'm a kind person with a good heart, which is most important above anything. Like, wow, okay, Mr. Darcy, like, okay. But I'm getting like, I'm like, was that real? Or was that just to get in my pants? Because then once you did, you're like, okay, take it or leave you.

Speaker 2:
[49:40] I think she said that she doesn't like to have casual sex. From what I'm hearing, this is a pathway to casual sex.

Speaker 1:
[49:49] It's giving, let me put you in the Friends with Benefit box.

Speaker 2:
[49:52] Yeah, especially the texting pattern recovered yet. It's just-

Speaker 1:
[49:58] Ew, also, ew.

Speaker 2:
[50:00] Yeah, it's just not, it's not warm. And if you're looking for warmth, I think you shouldn't go see this guy again. And truthfully, if he really fucked up and he seemingly has no self-awareness over that, if you say, hey, that would, you know, I had fun getting to know you, but I think that's it for me. Ironically, he'll probably be like, what? And he'll probably like try and chase you down and love bomb you again, because these kinds of guys find it pathetic when they have the full attention of someone, but they find it completely hard to put their finger on when they don't. And these guys have like an insecurity problem. So when someone doesn't like them, when someone does like them, they're like, oh, of course. But when someone doesn't like them, they're like, what the hell is going on? So my guess is if you try to poo poo him, he would come running. But I think you might as well do that because whether you're into him or not, he's not showing the signals of someone that's looking to date you. And it sounds like that's what you're looking for. And off that alone, you know? If you're interested in casual, solid sex with someone that's like not gonna treat you like shit, I'm not sure he's treating you like shit. Like, he's just being distant and not particularly warm. If that's what you wanted, like someone that you could just hit up and have sex with, then it could be up to you to suss out, okay, does he like, did something happen when we had sex that made him this way? Or are we just gonna be like buddies who fuck sometimes? But if that's not what you want, I would cut it right there.

Speaker 1:
[51:40] You are on the money. So top comment says, recovered from what? His personality? And OP responds like the laughing and crying emoji. And then someone down after that goes, like someone said in another thread, you really ought to reply, sorry the sex wasn't good enough for me to be interested in anything casual. Good luck to you.

Speaker 2:
[52:04] Okay, well, that is some wild.

Speaker 1:
[52:10] It was kind of similar to what you were saying.

Speaker 2:
[52:12] Yeah, that's what you're thinking, but you don't have to say that to this fucking guy.

Speaker 1:
[52:16] Someone does respond and goes, yeah, this is a devastating maneuver. Do it, OP. Just like a little pot stirrers.

Speaker 2:
[52:24] Yeah, I think yeah, simple like, hey, I'm not, you know, this isn't exactly what I'm looking for right now, but it was really nice getting to know you. Is the most courteous way to go.

Speaker 1:
[52:35] Okay.

Speaker 2:
[52:35] I just.

Speaker 1:
[52:36] You don't think he needs a punch to his ego?

Speaker 2:
[52:39] I don't know, because the only-

Speaker 1:
[52:41] Kill him with kindness?

Speaker 2:
[52:42] The only thing that I know for a fact- Okay. Is the texting. We know the texting for a fact. You know, if I were there and he literally didn't look at her once, but I think a lot of these like micro things of like, he had his back turned to me, or he was texting on his phone and sitting on the, I don't want that. I mean, I can already tell I'm going to get in trouble for invalidating the experience of a woman, but I'm just saying that when two people have sex, they may be experiencing very different realities. But I think the texting tells you exactly what you need to know.

Speaker 1:
[53:14] Well, yeah, I think I agree. There's one more comment where someone's like, Opie, you could put it this way. Our experience answered all of my questions. I'm not looking for a repeat. Good luck to you in the future. It'll kill him and it's a whole lot more subtle than the other one. But I will say, I think that's almost something with anxiety too. I think what she went through is probably pretty damn near close to how it happened, but maybe she had anxiety after. Was it good? Is he still into me? And then she's looking at the micro things in this experience and it's like, oh my God. I feel like anxiety can do that to a person. You go to a family event and I don't know, your partner isn't holding your hand as much in front of family and you're like, oh my God, is he mad at me? I think you just spiral. So maybe that happened because sex, especially if you're not into casual sex, is very vulnerable. So she could have gotten one thing and spiraled, but overall looking at it, I'm like, no. He went to the kitchen immediately after he hopped off her, climbed off her, whatever she said.

Speaker 2:
[54:20] No, no, I mean, I think without question, like this is not the behavior of a guy that you're gonna want to be dating for sure. I will say this though. This is the last thing. Is if you really want to like chew this guy up and spit him out, you don't say, from the man's perspective, you don't say something like, sorry, the sex wasn't good enough for me to do this again. Cause when a man reads that they go, oh, she's like bitter or something. That what you do is you act sweet as pie. You go, oh my God, it was so great getting to know you. I just, you know, I really am like, I just don't think we should hang out again. Cause then it looks like...

Speaker 1:
[55:00] You lost a big catch.

Speaker 2:
[55:01] Well, it looks like you don't care literally at all because you're being so nice. And that would drive me nuts as a guy is like, oh no, like she, like I fucked up the sex.

Speaker 1:
[55:13] Yeah, the Jedi mind trick of it all.

Speaker 2:
[55:14] Yeah, because if you read to me as pissed off, I know you cared, at least somewhat.

Speaker 1:
[55:21] That's true.

Speaker 2:
[55:22] And I know that it was me that did this to you. If you don't read at all as pissed off, I really wonder, like almost like you feel bad, like you're like, oh, how do I let this guy down?

Speaker 1:
[55:33] Picture it, picture it, Ft.

Speaker 2:
[55:35] Picture, what would be the message you sent if you guys had sex and this guy was so clingy, the sex was bad and it was like a total turnoff? What would be the message you would send then? Send that guy that text and you will make him think about you for the rest of his life.

Speaker 1:
[55:53] But do not go back down the road.

Speaker 2:
[55:54] But don't, yeah, don't fuck that guy again.

Speaker 1:
[55:56] You can't like then get love bombed again and go back down the road, which can happen. Like I went through the most horrific friends with benefits situation and like it went on for three years. Like it was brutal. And like it started, I visited him in Germany and had this horrible like last day of the trip where like I was like, this guy is an asshole. And then he came back to LA when I was here and like lived here when I was in grad school. And so it was just like, it was convenient. It was easy. And it literally took me meeting my partner and being like, oh my God, it actually feels great when you're treated nice and someone likes you. I'm like kind of like reminiscent of this guy, like yeah, there's road work on the street. But the fact he didn't walk you to the Uber, like, oh yeah, yeah, yeah, fair enough. Chivalry is dead in this man. And thinking about my partner now, it's like he would have walked me to the Uber. He would have actually probably called me the Uber or driven me home. And I'm just like, find someone that likes you, because when you do, it feels really nice.

Speaker 2:
[57:01] Yeah, don't go back to this well. Don't go back to this well, especially unless you know exactly what this is and you're okay with it, which it doesn't sound like you are. No. But on the message front, if you really want to fuck up that guy's day, I like this tactic. Do not send a message that reflects your state of mind. Send a message that you would send to someone who you think is pathetic.

Speaker 1:
[57:27] Yeah, I really like this.

Speaker 2:
[57:29] And you will destroy him.

Speaker 1:
[57:30] I'm game. I'm game. I think a lot of people, I think you can take notes out there.

Speaker 2:
[57:35] Take notes on that tactic for real.

Speaker 1:
[57:37] Take notes.

Speaker 2:
[57:38] Make sure him as the worst fuck you've ever had. And think about the message you would nicely send to let that guy down.

Speaker 1:
[57:45] It's not you.

Speaker 2:
[57:45] And send every guy.

Speaker 1:
[57:47] It's me.

Speaker 2:
[57:47] Yeah. I just have to work on myself right now. I'm so slammed. I'm so sorry. Like, I'm sure maybe in the future we could, you know.

Speaker 1:
[57:54] Is it a little, like, toxic? I don't know, honestly, because he was an ass. I like it.

Speaker 2:
[57:59] To me, it's less toxic than being like, you weren't even good enough for this, like.

Speaker 1:
[58:05] Yeah, because he's going to hear that and be like, I know that's a lie.

Speaker 2:
[58:09] Yeah, exactly.

Speaker 1:
[58:09] Oh my god, okay. Wait, I love this. We don't have any updates from OP. We have a lot of comments, and I'll be sure to share the link for the post in the YouTube description. But I mean, the comments are never ending. Like, OP at certain points looks like she's fighting for her life. People being like, after a month you had slept with, you slept with him. That is casual sex. And she's like, we were talking every day, three dates a week for three weeks. I didn't feel like it was super casual.

Speaker 2:
[58:41] Yeah, I think it so depends, like, the circumstances and the culture of the place. I mean, the more I travel, the more I realize, like, in New York, it would feel very rare for me, whether you're serious about each other or casual about each other, to be seeing each other for a month and not have already had sex. Like, in New York, I think people are dating very frequently and you would go on maybe two or three dates over the course of two weeks and then sleep together is, like, I would think the most normal cadence. And then, you know, when I was in Oklahoma, I asked my opener how the dating scene is, and he was like, girls only want men with land. And I was like, oh my god. It's a different...

Speaker 1:
[59:22] Who was that? What was his name, Caleb?

Speaker 2:
[59:23] Yeah, so I was like...

Speaker 1:
[59:24] It's a different world down there for Caleb.

Speaker 2:
[59:26] I was like, this is not a one-size-fits-all approach, but if they're in a medium to large city, I don't think by having sex with someone in a month, you're sending a message that you want casual sex. I think it's a natural, you know, raising the stakes of getting to know someone.

Speaker 1:
[59:47] I know, especially if you live in a city that has decent public transportation, because you see each other a lot more. You can cover a lot more ground. There's one comment where OP just says, not only was he rude, he was cheap, too. And he's also 34. I had to look back at his age.

Speaker 2:
[60:02] Yeah, he should have bought the Uber, too. He should have bought the Uber.

Speaker 1:
[60:05] Come on.

Speaker 2:
[60:05] Yeah, you played an away game, he should Uber you home, for sure.

Speaker 1:
[60:08] That's what I'm saying. I did send OP a message. I was like, girl, I need an update. Did you ever respond back to this horrible man? So we'll see if anything comes through.

Speaker 2:
[60:19] Do you have a fancy Reddit? Do they know you're you?

Speaker 1:
[60:24] Yeah, but I have a fake one, too.

Speaker 2:
[60:26] Which one did you use?

Speaker 1:
[60:27] My real one.

Speaker 2:
[60:28] Okay, so they know.

Speaker 1:
[60:29] Yeah. I feel like that encourages responses a lot of times.

Speaker 2:
[60:33] Okay, so don't fault me for not knowing this, but are these coming from just the Reddit community, or are they sent to you for this?

Speaker 1:
[60:43] They're all just coming from Reddit, but we do have our own subreddit now, because I wanted a place for listeners to submit their write-ins, and I used to have a Google form, and that just got...

Speaker 2:
[60:56] It got blown up.

Speaker 1:
[60:56] It got way, it was too much. So then we started our own subreddit, so then people can go and post.

Speaker 2:
[61:02] But these aren't out of your subreddit?

Speaker 1:
[61:04] Not yet, not yet. Hi friends, popping in for a quick story with Justin and Lauren, because it is time for the value vibe check.

Speaker 3:
[61:17] Bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum.

Speaker 1:
[61:19] Brought to you by McDonald's. As you all know, we live for drama on this show, but every once in a while, things feel a little bit too unhinged. So we need something to ground us again. Enter the McDonald's McValue menu. It's consistent, dependable, there for you when everything else is not. We're talking your favorites for under $3. Value, that's always a win, but especially when you're mid-spiral. And I love nothing more than a McChicken mid-spiral, let me tell you. And this person, this person was definitely mid-spiral. Okay. This is titled, Am I Wrong for Not Leaving Work to Help My Wife When She Ran Out of Gas? My wife, 38 female, and I, 41 male, have been married for 11 years and have two kids, nine and seven. I work full-time and she works part-time, while also doing online classes to finish her degree. She dropped out of college after two years and now wants to finish. She has ADHD and anxiety, and if I'm being honest, sometimes it feels like our entire lives revolve around her symptoms. Last Friday, my wife didn't have to work and decided to go visit her sister who lives in a small town about 45 minutes away. She didn't tell me she was going, so I was very surprised when she called me shortly afternoon. She was obviously upset when I answered, and between sobs, I was able to make out that there was an issue with the car. Eventually, she calmed down and told me that she ran out of gas in the middle of nowhere and didn't know what to do. Because she hadn't told me she was visiting her sister, I was very confused and had a lot of questions, which only made her more upset. I was getting frustrated too, so I finally just asked her what she wanted me to do. She told me she needed me to come and get her. I told her I was at work and had meetings in the afternoon that I couldn't skip. I suggested she call her sister, but she went to work after my wife visited and my wife didn't want to bother her. I suggested she call roadside assistance to come and help, but she said she didn't know how to do that. I suggested she call an Uber, but she said she was in the middle of nowhere and it didn't show any cars available. I suggested she call a friend or someone else that might be able to help, and she yelled at me to just come blanking get her. I tried to remain calm and reiterated that I am sorry she's in this position, but at this moment, I'm unable to help her. I told her I'd offered numerous suggestions that she could try to help herself, but I can't just leave work. She then hung up on me. My first meeting of the afternoon was starting in five minutes, so I tried calling her back and she didn't answer. I kept trying to text her during my meeting too. But she never responded. I tried calling again between my meetings and still no answer, which I admit pissed me off because even if I was trying to come help her at that point, I couldn't reach her. She is the one who picks up our kids from school, so I was kind of freaking out at this point because I was completely in the dark about whether I would need to get them or if my wife was even okay. So I called the school and asked them to please let me know if my wife comes to get the kids because I can't reach her. I didn't include any details about why. The school called me back at pick up time and told me that my wife was there for pick up. When I got home at the end of the day, my wife refused to talk to me. She gave me the cold shoulder the entire weekend. I apologized for not being able to help multiple times. Finally, this morning, she spoke to me, but all she said was, quote, I can't count on you anymore. Did I really mess up that bad? Am I the jerk?

Speaker 3:
[65:09] No, this is excessive on her part. There were many options of things that-

Speaker 1:
[65:16] So many. Yeah.

Speaker 3:
[65:18] So this is a rough one.

Speaker 1:
[65:20] She created so much chaos, and I understand being panicked in the middle of nowhere. You ran out of gas. What do you do? I understand that. I've got ADHD anxiety as well. I kind of run it close sometimes, putting my car on empty. But your husband just provided you with so many options. Calling roadside assistance, and your response back to him was, I don't know how to do that.

Speaker 3:
[65:48] Yeah, that gets me. That would really bother me, because if they didn't have that set up, and if sister was out of town, then I understand being in the middle of nowhere and wanting your partner to come help you. But the fact that your partner is working hard, which is also helping to help you, provide for you, and you're asking your partner to drop everything before trying an alternate solution that would work just as well, it's gas. You know, it's not, the car didn't go and drive into a pond.

Speaker 1:
[66:30] That would have been worse.

Speaker 3:
[66:31] Yeah.

Speaker 1:
[66:32] That definitely would have been worse.

Speaker 3:
[66:33] Yeah, I'm saying it didn't, she's not in a place where, at least it doesn't sound like, where she's in danger, she just needs gas.

Speaker 1:
[66:42] It could be so simple.

Speaker 3:
[66:43] Yeah, and so I think the fact that she's giving him such a cold shoulder afterwards for like an extended period of time is not, I don't think it fits the quote unquote crime.

Speaker 4:
[66:57] It's not constructive.

Speaker 3:
[66:59] No.

Speaker 4:
[67:00] Yeah, I think even if, let's say you weren't at work, let's say you were at home, it's the weekend, you're chilling. Still probably, if you already have the roadside assistance set up, it's still probably more convenient for both of you, for them to just come put gas in real quick and you just come home.

Speaker 1:
[67:20] I know.

Speaker 4:
[67:21] It seems like that's probably more convenient all around if we're considering all of our time, unless you are in the middle of nowhere and it's gonna take forever for them to get you. But it wasn't that impossible because you still made it to the school to pick up the kids. So what method was chosen?

Speaker 1:
[67:39] I completely agree with the both of you. Also looking at the way he got ignored, Stonewall, like ma'am, it does not need to be that big of a deal. You ran out of gas, that was on you. And maybe the car didn't beep at you. Sometimes they're quiet and sneaky. I get it. But that is still on you. So to freak out and create such madness and spiral out to where you don't talk to your husband all weekend, insane.

Speaker 3:
[68:08] I also don't know how people get away with that. Like I couldn't get away with that even if I wanted to. Kind of a side note, but like my partner would literally not leave me alone. He would just be like, can we talk? Can we talk? Can we talk? I don't know how people get away with this.

Speaker 4:
[68:26] Mine? Mine?

Speaker 1:
[68:27] Yeah, that was exactly what I was thinking.

Speaker 3:
[68:29] Yeah, I like, I couldn't, I literally couldn't like hold shoulder him for a weekend. Even if I wanted to.

Speaker 1:
[68:36] I mean, it's so unhealthy.

Speaker 4:
[68:39] When you're just taking it so far, right? I mean, you can be upset about the one instance that this happened, but you can't go, but you can't take it to, I can't depend on you. Cause now we're casting this huge thing over the entire relationship of I can't depend on you. After you've probably been able to depend on him many, many, many, many times before. So the one time that you made a mistake and it wasn't convenient cause he's at work, has meetings and you're far away, it doesn't mean you can't depend on him. And that's a low blow.

Speaker 1:
[69:21] I feel like she could have been hangry in that moment too. She could have just been so hungry. And that was the straw that broke the camel's back, but it still doesn't excuse the behavior. That is when you go and get yourself a McChicken and McChill. There is a comment here that says, I need more info. Did she ever explain how she resolved her issue? How did she get the car working again? How did she pick up the kids on time? Where exactly was she when she called? And OP responds, she has not given me answers to any of those questions, and I've asked multiple times.

Speaker 3:
[69:57] What's the point? Why? Let's move past this. Why isn't she telling him? I'm kind of curious, because this move, is this to teach him a lesson so that he never does this again? Or is it just so angry that you can't get yourself to speak to him?

Speaker 1:
[70:17] Or is she embarrassed?

Speaker 3:
[70:19] I don't know, because I think about it, and I get really angry sometimes, but being angry for a whole weekend, that hurts me. That hurts me, where it's like, I don't want to feel that angry for that long. And so I'm just curious if she really couldn't help herself, or if she was like, no, this is going to teach him a lesson, so he never does it again.

Speaker 1:
[70:42] I feel like it's an ego thing. I feel like it is teach a lesson. Top comment, not the asshole. Your wife just proved that she was in fact able to deal with the situation herself. I have zero patience for adults who can't manage situations like this. A, it was of her own making, and B, there were so many options for solving it. And dropping everything to go save her, that just enables her dysfunction further. It teaches her that she doesn't need to be responsible for herself.

Speaker 3:
[71:08] What if she never actually feels supported from him in a time, like in general, and it's been building up, where in terms of his language, maybe, maybe when she's sad, she feels like he's really dismissive, and this was finally the last straw for her, even though it sounds ridiculous to us. What if she's just was like, if he hears me crying scared on the road, will he actually help me this time? And he didn't, and then she's just like, screw it.

Speaker 1:
[71:42] I don't know. That would be pretty diabolical if it was a test.

Speaker 3:
[71:46] Of course.

Speaker 4:
[71:47] Yeah. And I feel like it'd be mentioned. If it's a pattern, when people write these, it would say, and this is just another thing in the string of this happening many times. Whereas it's not so much, we need the other side's perspective to gain that. I feel like it would be part of it maybe.

Speaker 3:
[72:05] Yeah.

Speaker 4:
[72:06] It wouldn't be so isolated.

Speaker 3:
[72:07] Right. Yeah. And I mean, this is just like, I'm just throwing stuff.

Speaker 1:
[72:10] Yeah, we can advocate, you know, a little application for the other side.

Speaker 3:
[72:15] It's not even like, I don't, I wouldn't even call it advocating. It's just kind of more of like, I'm just curious because we were talking about it a lot lately about like, when we listen to these stories, we're always curious what the other side would say. And like, how would she write this in? Would she be like, I have been begging him for five years to just show me any ounce of support rather than just question me and be like, well, why were you out there anyway? I just want him to be like, hey, let's talk this through, deep breaths, we can do this. And maybe, you know?

Speaker 1:
[72:51] Yeah. You're trying to rationalize why it got so crazy when it didn't need to be. Was it inconvenient? Was it annoying? Yeah, running out of gas is not fun. It's happened to me. I drove an old car and my gas gauge was broken and I thought I had gas and I didn't.

Speaker 3:
[73:12] And right in the middle of Dinky Towns, actually I was passing by a McDonald's in Dinky Town and putt, putt, putt, putt, putt, putt, putt, putt, putt, putt, putt, putt, putt, putt, putt, putt, putt, putt, putt, putt, putt, putt, putt, putt, putt, putt, putt, putt, putt, putt, putt, putt, putt, putt, putt, putt, putt, putt, putt, putt, putt, putt, putt, putt, putt, putt, putt, putt, putt, putt, putt, putt, putt, putt, putt, putt, putt, putt, putt, putt, putt, putt, putt, putt, put Literally, I'm not kidding, I actually kind of forgot about this, but truly, did you, you were, no, you were St. Thomas, so.

Speaker 1:
[73:40] He missed out on that great experience.

Speaker 3:
[73:41] It was great, like specifically when you were like, nevermind, it was just so fun.

Speaker 1:
[73:49] Well, we don't have an update from OP, that is all we got. That is your value vibe check, brought to you guys by McDonald's. Because when it feels like everything is spiraling out of control, it's nice to have something simple, satisfying, and actually reliable. Unlike this gal's car. Head to your nearest McDonald's to try the under $3 menu and the $4 breakfast deal. McDonald's just gets it. Limited time only, prices and participation may vary, prices may be higher for delivery. This one is also coming from Am I the Asshole, titled, Am I the Asshole for refusing to cat call a customer's wife even though he asked us to cat call?

Speaker 2:
[74:30] Okay.

Speaker 1:
[74:32] I, 32 male, work as a cook in a restaurant with an open kitchen so guests can see us and even talk to us while we work. Two days ago, while things were slow, a guy walks past our station and asked us for a favor. He tells us his wife would be walking by in a few minutes and he wanted us to cat call her while she walked past. Stuff like whistling and telling her that she looks good. There are three of us on the stations at the time. Me, I'm black, a Hispanic guy, and a white guy. Before I could even process what he was asking me, the white guy speaks up and says, Yeah man, we got you. After the customer left, me and the other cook approached the white cook who had agreed and told him we were not comfortable with what he had agreed to do, and that we were not going to do it. He got mad and said we already agreed, but we reminded him, no, we didn't. He agreed. Before he could reply, a server came and told us the guy's wife was about to walk by. I guess the server who took him to his seat told the other servers what was happening. A few minutes later, his wife walks by, and honestly, she was gorgeous. She was basically walking like she was on a runway, and it was pretty obvious that she knew what her husband had asked us to do because she was smiling the whole way to her table. But only the white cook who had agreed was whistling and cheering. Me and the other guy just stayed quiet and kept working. Once she sat down, the cook who did it and some of the servers who knew about the plan actually got on our case. They said we were spoil sports and made the whole thing awkward by not joining in, but I just didn't feel comfortable as a black man catcalling a white woman in a public space and felt it was a totally different situation for me than my white coworker. Now, the vibe in the kitchen is weird because they think we were being too serious. Am I the asshole here for just staying silent?

Speaker 2:
[76:36] You're so not the asshole, first of all. Before the racial stuff which totally changes it, like totally makes it a different thing. But before that, you're a cook. It's not your... You don't have to catcall. You don't have to do anything other than your job there. And I get it. It's like, oh, yeah, well, we're all trying to have fun and we're doing it. And there's like a culture of the kitchen. This is so far beyond the bounds of where reasonable fun can be had. If you don't feel comfortable doing that, then to add to it, you're a black man who would be catcalling a white woman in public.

Speaker 1:
[77:14] Yeah.

Speaker 2:
[77:15] Totally, you don't have to do that at all.

Speaker 1:
[77:18] No, not at all. You're there to work and make food not participate in some customer's weird side quest slash kink.

Speaker 2:
[77:28] Yeah.

Speaker 1:
[77:29] Like, I don't want to be a part of this.

Speaker 2:
[77:31] Yeah.

Speaker 1:
[77:31] I didn't sign up for this.

Speaker 2:
[77:32] Yeah. And also, everyone gets their own answer on that one. No one can answer for the three of you guys to say we're all going to do this.

Speaker 1:
[77:41] No.

Speaker 2:
[77:41] And the guy did it. She laughed. Great. They all had fun. You guys didn't want to do it. You didn't do it. That's fine, too.

Speaker 1:
[77:50] Yeah.

Speaker 2:
[77:50] Sounds like everyone... It actually sounds like it was the best case scenario because the guy got one person in on it.

Speaker 1:
[77:59] Someone participated?

Speaker 2:
[78:00] I'm still shocked even that. I don't know where this happened. I can tell you that in a restaurant in New York, if you asked cooks to do that, there's no fucking way they would say yes to that.

Speaker 1:
[78:10] They'd be like, get the fuck out of here.

Speaker 2:
[78:12] Yeah, they'd be like, shut the fuck up.

Speaker 1:
[78:14] I'm very curious where it is. Also, you don't know when you're getting approached with this situation, you don't even know if the wife knows. Like you don't know if the wife is on board for this, and if this did happen and goes wrong, sexual harassment.

Speaker 2:
[78:28] Totally.

Speaker 1:
[78:29] Like then you're fired. You're without a job for someone's silly little prank.

Speaker 2:
[78:33] Yeah.

Speaker 1:
[78:34] No.

Speaker 2:
[78:35] I also fucking hate that shit when like a couple's like, oh, come on, mess with my... It's like, I don't know your... You know, I get this at shows where people, you know, will be like, fucking destroy my boyfriend. Destroy my boyfriend. Why? Like roast him to shred. And I'm like, I don't know your boyfriend. First of all, I'm not in the business of wanting to destroy anyone, like, I'm not here to set... I'm here to do what I do. And if that so happens to intersect with what you wanted to happen, wonderful. But I'm not taking requests. And nor should these people specifically, I mean, in my case, it's a little more reasonable because they're like, oh, he's a comedian that does crowd work. Maybe he would take requests. I don't, but it's at least more reasonable to think I might. If you're a cook, you do not have to take requests for social things that happen at the restaurant.

Speaker 1:
[79:35] No. Also, I'm so confused about the roast my boyfriend, roast my boyfriend. I'm like, do you like him? And I get some people have that sense of humor, but I'm like, I feel like that's a paid for request. You should find someone on-

Speaker 2:
[79:49] Yeah, go to Cameo, find some dominatrix to do that. Ooh, yeah. I don't like being-

Speaker 1:
[79:56] It's more up his alley.

Speaker 2:
[79:57] It's also not my, yeah, it's not my style.

Speaker 1:
[80:00] It's also you don't know him. What are you gonna-

Speaker 2:
[80:01] Exactly.

Speaker 1:
[80:02] I feel like roasts are kind of like a little personal. Yeah. And like they have an inside scoop on the person. Yeah. How do you roast a stranger?

Speaker 2:
[80:09] Yeah, you can like do like, oh, you look like, you know, blah, blah, blah. And if it ever jumps out to me, like if I see someone that really looks like someone that I'm thinking of, that I think is funny, I might say it.

Speaker 1:
[80:21] Yeah.

Speaker 2:
[80:22] But like I err on the side of never talking about how anyone looks, which I think is a good thing for everyone.

Speaker 1:
[80:30] I love that.

Speaker 2:
[80:32] Yeah, this is so crazy.

Speaker 1:
[80:35] It's insane. Top comment. You do not have to participate in other people's kink. Resounding not the asshole. The whole situation was weird. Always follow your instincts when it can be twisted out of perspective into something nefarious. And a lot of people then start commenting about recording and how the husband could have been recording this to then put it on social media for like fake rage or whatever. Like I just saw this video coming out of New York where this person was like walking in front of a restaurant and they were like, they just turned me away because of blah blah blah blah blah. And then the restaurant posted their security footage and was like, he never came in. He actually didn't step foot in our restaurant. So not sure what's happening.

Speaker 2:
[81:26] Yeah, I'm probably like too naïve to even think about that scenario, but that's like totally valid.

Speaker 1:
[81:31] Yeah. Do you, I mean, I feel like every person has their own rules with recording, but like no recording at your shows. It's typically a stand up.

Speaker 2:
[81:40] Yeah, I mean, I don't, I'm not like a bulldog about it in that like, I know at a certain points I've been on stage and I have seen someone with a camera out and I sort of just keep an eye on it. Like if it's out and then down pretty quickly, the original risk I think with stand up is like, if someone would record one of your jokes and put it out and then it would go viral and sort of like, quote, like burn that joke, right? Cause like, I don't, so I do a lot of jokes at the live show, but I don't put them out for free. I save them.

Speaker 1:
[82:11] Yeah, no you have your set.

Speaker 2:
[82:13] Yeah, I want to sell them to like Netflix or someone and put them out as a special when they're ready. And to have someone capture them either when they're not ready or when I didn't consent to them being captured. It's like, it's a minor concern, but the truth is like, if you want to record my joke and you want to put it out and it goes so viral that that joke is burned, I do see it as kind of helping me. Like all views sort of help. So I'm not, I'm not crazily, you know, but one thing that does happen is sometimes I'll be talking to someone or like doing crowd work with someone and someone next to them will record me. That just gets me in my head. It's not that I care, but I'm like, what I say nicely is I go, I'm recording it and I can get you guys a copy of it.

Speaker 1:
[83:02] I watched one of your segments with that. I think it was in like, was it in Canada or something?

Speaker 2:
[83:07] Yeah, exactly. And it's like, I say things live on stage that I wouldn't put on the internet.

Speaker 1:
[83:12] Well, I think there's like a lot of like context within that room. And when you clip one little thing, it's like, well, you don't know what happened 15 minutes earlier that led us to this moment. And how comfortable the room is with this train of comedy and where we got to. So it's really hard when people then start recording. But when like with this one, you're like, oh no, like this is actually like, this could have been disastrous. Especially like all of these race implications, which someone does say like, not the asshole, very easy way to get fired. Someone else responds, plus Jesus Christ, asking a black and Hispanic man to sexually harass a white woman is absolutely a dumbass and potentially dangerous thing to do.

Speaker 2:
[83:53] Agreed.

Speaker 1:
[83:53] You absolutely made the right call.

Speaker 2:
[83:55] Plus you probably feel this way being, you know, the public facing nature of what you do similarly, but like you probably give more thought to being recorded, being paid attention to in public, how you act in public. Would you say that's correct?

Speaker 1:
[84:13] Yeah. Yeah. I think like I'm still, I'm in a really, really sweet spot where like, I really don't get recognized that much. Like it's really nice. People will recognize my voice quicker than they'll recognize my face, which is great. I can still grocery shop, I can go to Costco, I can do these things. But once I notice that someone has kind of seen me and like you get that like double or triple take and you're like, oh fuck. And then it's like even more mentally like goofy when they don't say anything. And then I'm in my head, I'm like, well, did they? And I'm like, and then I'm hyper aware of how I'm acting, which isn't so different, but it's a weird concept when you feel that everyone's watching you.

Speaker 2:
[84:56] Totally.

Speaker 1:
[84:57] Even if they're not. Like it's just, I don't know.

Speaker 2:
[84:58] Exactly. All that has to happen is it happens once.

Speaker 1:
[85:02] Yeah.

Speaker 2:
[85:02] And then you're just more attuned to it than you would have been.

Speaker 1:
[85:06] Yeah.

Speaker 2:
[85:06] Even if you're wrong. It's still the feeling that it might happen. But that causes you to be more thoughtful about these things probably.

Speaker 1:
[85:14] Absolutely.

Speaker 2:
[85:14] In my instance, I'm like, if I'm at a restaurant and I think the service is bad or someone's being rude to me, I do think about the fact that it's like, in addition to you should always do the right thing, even when I'm frustrated or having a bad day, I try to remember that in addition to doing the right thing, it's best to just ignore and keep a low profile.

Speaker 1:
[85:37] I know.

Speaker 2:
[85:38] But the people that don't have jobs like these probably don't give these things a lot of thought. And then it's like, someone puts you on the spot.

Speaker 1:
[85:47] This is an easy thing that he could have been like, yeah, okay, whatever, just like to placate him.

Speaker 2:
[85:51] Exactly.

Speaker 1:
[85:52] And not make everything uncomfortable. But it's so sad that him standing his ground is getting him all this flack and conflict.

Speaker 2:
[85:59] You're actually a good guy for saying no. It was a smart, it was a smart snap decision to immediately go, absolutely not.

Speaker 1:
[86:08] Overall, vote on it is not the asshole.

Speaker 2:
[86:10] Yeah, you killed it.

Speaker 1:
[86:11] There's no update. It's 19 days old at this point in time. We don't know where it is. It's just kind of, that's where it ends. That's where it ends for us. Also, I feel like you have a pretty high emotional intelligence.

Speaker 2:
[86:26] I do?

Speaker 1:
[86:26] Yeah.

Speaker 2:
[86:27] I'm still reflecting on the fact that I'm gonna get killed over what I said about the fuckboy guy.

Speaker 1:
[86:33] I think you're fine.

Speaker 2:
[86:34] I think I'm gonna get killed.

Speaker 1:
[86:36] Well, here, I'll give you another opportunity to make amends.

Speaker 2:
[86:38] The guy was a dick. The guy was a dick.

Speaker 1:
[86:41] He's so scared, you guys. Be nice, okay?

Speaker 2:
[86:43] The guy was a dick. No, I really do think the guy was a dick. I guess I'm just saying that when people are meeting each other and they're dating early on, everyone is overthinking what's happening and looking at the small stuff and wondering if there's meaning ascribed to it. And sometimes there isn't, sometimes there isn't. That's my take. But do I hear often that I have a high emotional intelligence? I do hear that often.

Speaker 1:
[87:07] Okay. I like that. I can see it.

Speaker 2:
[87:09] I do think I'm a little bit more logic-oriented than I should be in terms of relationships.

Speaker 1:
[87:18] Business school maybe did that to you? Numbers?

Speaker 2:
[87:20] Yeah, like a lot of times when I have fights in my relationship, it's about the fact that I'm sort of trying to walk out the logical steps and sometimes it's not about that, it's about how someone's feeling, whether or not you get on board with their rationale, it's kind of irrelevant. So I come up short sometimes in that department.

Speaker 1:
[87:40] So have awareness, though. I mean, even your self-awareness, you're like, I try to do this, which I know isn't what's needed in that moment. It's more about the feeling. I mean, you're saying it, so which means you're aware of it and working on it.

Speaker 2:
[87:53] Yeah, working on it.

Speaker 1:
[87:54] We all fall short from time to time. No one's going to have a perfect response 100% of the time.

Speaker 2:
[87:59] It's so interesting, because in my relationship, what we need from each other are the opposite of what we need for ourselves. So when something really pisses me off, I want my girlfriend to call me and be like, hey, it's not a big deal, you're going to get through it, it's going to be fine. She doesn't do that because what she needs for herself in that circumstance is the opposite. So when she calls me.

Speaker 1:
[88:27] If she's solution-based.

Speaker 2:
[88:29] What?

Speaker 1:
[88:29] Like have you ever heard the question you should ask someone, do you want a solution or do you want comfort?

Speaker 2:
[88:34] Yeah, exactly.

Speaker 1:
[88:35] And she's solution-based.

Speaker 2:
[88:36] No, no, no, she is emotion-based. Okay. So when she, if she calls me and she's like this fucked up thing happened, the last thing she wants is a solution, the thing she wants is me to go, you're right, that is so fucked up, and how you're feeling is absolutely valid. And what I want is for her to go, forget about, it's not a big deal, it's gonna be solved this way. Sometimes what she does is she reacts the way, she treats me the way she would want to be treated, and I treat her the way I would want to be treated, and it's not, the golden rule does not apply in relationships all the time. You gotta treat them how they would want to be treated, not how you would want to be treated.

Speaker 1:
[89:14] I know, I honestly think it's just like best to ask too, because like, I'm immediately, like my brain jumps to solutions, I'm like, oh my God, how can I fix this? It's gonna be fine, you can do X, Y, and Z. And then the person is like, I just wanted you to tell me that was fucked up, and let me vent. And I'm like, okay, I should have asked.

Speaker 2:
[89:32] I'm bad at that. I'm bad at being like, yeah, fuck that, because to me, it doesn't feel productive. And I feel concerned that I'm just winding this person up.

Speaker 1:
[89:44] True, it's like you're increasing that spiral.

Speaker 2:
[89:47] Like I'm not helping them.

Speaker 1:
[89:48] Feeding into it.

Speaker 2:
[89:49] Whereas like to me, it feels most helpful to be like, let's just take a breath and like let's, but I think to some people, it's like, no, see what this is and be upset on my behalf. And like, don't just tell me to wind down. Like I don't want to wind down, I'm wound up, you know? And so that's, I struggle with that a lot. But I have learned, it's so funny, as you stay in a relationship with someone, for longer you learn to do it. And so like, I am learning to be like, fuck him. Like, fuck him.

Speaker 1:
[90:21] How long have you guys been together?

Speaker 2:
[90:23] Two years.

Speaker 1:
[90:24] Oh my gosh, yeah. Okay, so you're kind of in that spot of like, we're really starting to understand each other, anticipate needs a bit better.

Speaker 2:
[90:30] Yeah, we're cruising into that like long-term relationship where it's like-

Speaker 1:
[90:34] You've had the fights, now you are like, okay, we needed that growth to happen.

Speaker 2:
[90:39] Yeah, I feel like you have the fights, then you have the fights again. Then you have the fight about how you keep fighting about the same thing. And then it all comes to a head and you're like, are we gonna learn how to avoid these fights or are we gonna break up?

Speaker 1:
[90:52] Yeah, you learn eventually.

Speaker 2:
[90:53] And then eventually, I think we're entering this phase where it's like, oh right, we've had this fight before and we've had the fight about this fight before and we've had a fight about the fact that we've fought about this a bunch before. And now I'm finally realizing, okay, this is how we avoid this fight.

Speaker 1:
[91:07] I like it. It takes time. Two years, you're like, I feel like by the three-year mark, you're like, okay. We know what a boundary is now, we can do this. I love that. So you're about to be a best man.

Speaker 2:
[91:21] I've been before too.

Speaker 1:
[91:22] Have you?

Speaker 2:
[91:23] This is my second.

Speaker 1:
[91:24] For another sibling?

Speaker 2:
[91:25] No, for a best friend.

Speaker 1:
[91:27] Okay, not your first rodeo.

Speaker 2:
[91:29] Yes.

Speaker 1:
[91:30] This one, I'm very curious what you think of. Coming from Am I the Asshole titled, am I the asshole for making a kind of snarky comment at my sister's engagement dinner and now everyone's mad at me? Okay, so this literally just happened last weekend and it's still blowing up in my family group chat, so I need some outside opinions. My sister, 31 female, just got engaged and we had this dinner thing at a kind of nice place. Like not a crazy fancy place, but still the type where you feel like you shouldn't laugh too loud, lol. Everything was fine. We were doing toasts and stuff. Her fiance is giving this speech and at one point he says something like how much he loves that she's so honest and never hides anything, which I don't know, just kind of hit me weird because like she absolutely has hidden stuff before, specifically from me. Basically, when we were younger, like 10 years ago, she secretly dated one of my close friends for months, and I only found out because I walked in on them. It caused a whole thing and I lost that friendship over it. She really never apologized, just kind of brushed it off as we were young, which, okay, but still. Anyways, I wasn't planning on saying anything, but I'd had a couple of drinks and I just kind of muttered something like, quote, yeah, unless she decides to keep it a secret. And it got quiet fast. She immediately got mad and was like, are you serious right now? And her fiance was confused and asking what I meant. I didn't fully explain it. I just said it was old stuff and whatever. But yeah, the mood was dead after that. Dinner ended pretty awkwardly and she texted me later saying that I humiliated her and that I always do this, which I don't, question mark, question mark. My parents are also on her side saying I picked the worst possible time and should have just let it go. I mean, maybe the timing sucked, but also am I wrong for still being annoyed about something she never actually owned up to? I don't know. Am I the asshole?

Speaker 2:
[93:41] Yes. Yes. To me, yes, because there's a different venue for this conversation. You're not the asshole for feeling some type of way about this. This is way in the past and taking a moment that she is celebrating a big moment for her when any day of the week, you could have this conversation in the past. I mean, I understand why you were spurred by this comment of, I never hide anything and why that might have rubbed you the wrong way in the moment. You'd had a couple of drinks and fine. Like it was that comment that triggered you to respond, but you don't have to respond. You don't have to respond. This is her day, her moment, and you can fix the relationship or not. Is this something that's on your mind a lot? If not, you can let it go. I actually think it's totally fair to hold on to something that happened when you were way younger, but not to air it out in front of your family, in front of the fiance. That is a private conversation. And clearly, you didn't say it really in jest, because it wasn't received in jest, and you didn't even seem to think you said it in jest, so yes, you're the asshole.

Speaker 1:
[94:51] Also, you didn't say, like, oh, you lied to me about your ex. You literally said, yeah, unless she decides to keep it a secret. No context, nothing.

Speaker 2:
[95:01] Yeah, it sounds very ominous. It almost sounds like you're accusing her of, like, cheating on her fiancé.

Speaker 1:
[95:06] Thank you. Yes. Like, in my head, I'd be like, oh, my God.

Speaker 2:
[95:11] Yeah, did you just drop a bomb?

Speaker 1:
[95:12] Are you accusing her of cheating right now on him?

Speaker 2:
[95:15] Yeah.

Speaker 1:
[95:16] That's horrible. Also, this is where I might have my hot take for the day. I don't know, but you might yell at me, you guys. I do think she's kind of ridiculous for holding on to this. 10 years later, sister was 21 at the time, and you're mad 10 years later that she lied to you about hooking up with one of your friends?

Speaker 2:
[95:39] I will take the other side of this.

Speaker 1:
[95:41] Okay.

Speaker 2:
[95:42] The reason is not because of the incident. Wait, was it hooking up with one of the friends or someone that she was hooking up with too?

Speaker 1:
[95:52] I think it was just one of her friends.

Speaker 2:
[95:54] It was just one of her friends?

Speaker 1:
[95:56] Yeah. She secretly dated one of my close friends for months.

Speaker 2:
[96:00] Listen, when someone does some shady, secret shit, whether how shady it was is debatable.

Speaker 1:
[96:08] It still hurt, okay, it still hurt.

Speaker 2:
[96:10] My view is when someone who's, if it's my sibling or a best friend, keeps something from me like that, I'm just like, okay, now I know this about you, that you're willing to-

Speaker 1:
[96:20] To lie to me.

Speaker 2:
[96:21] Yeah, in that way.

Speaker 1:
[96:23] The trust is gone.

Speaker 2:
[96:24] Yeah, you don't think I could have handled it if we had just had a mature conversation. So I understand why that might be buried somewhere within her. Same reason why everyone's, I mean, I don't know if you've ever had the misfortune of, I've been to my grandparents' funerals and you know that your mom or dad has a complicated relationship with them and then you watch these ultra positive eulogies and I just see my mom like, well, that's not always how he was. It's like, I understand why these moments where someone, where you see praise being hept upon someone whom you have certain issues with, I understand why that's challenging because you're like, oh, okay, we're just gonna ignore all the negative stuff. And the answer is yes, at an engagement dinner, you ignore all the negative stuff. At a wedding, you ignore the negative stuff. At a funeral, in the eulogy, you ignore the negative stuff. Or you say the negative stuff as a joke really diplomatically. But these are not the moments, you know, where you air out the shitty things about someone. They get these days to have the record whitewashed a little bit.

Speaker 1:
[97:35] I completely agree. Like time and place for everything. I also just feel, I'm like, if you're still dealing with this 10 years later, like it doesn't sound like she ended up with that friend anyways. I'm curious if it impacted their friendship so greatly that like you lost that best friend of yours, and okay, that really sucks, and is obviously maybe more justified. We don't have any comments from OP highlighting or alluding to any of that. But I would say like, if you couldn't keep it in at this very important dinner for your sister, you need to go to therapy, like you need to address this, and maybe it's therapy with her. Maybe you literally go and you're like, we need to hash this out, cause this feels like shit.

Speaker 2:
[98:14] Yeah, you gotta hash it out, but like.

Speaker 1:
[98:16] Not there.

Speaker 2:
[98:17] Not there, not in these moments. Like, whether you still have a little bit of hurt inside over what happened 10 years ago, it shouldn't be so close to the surface that you're willing to just kind of like refer to it to like backhandedly undercut her in this moment. Like, it should be, you have to process it enough over the course of 10 years that I don't blame you one bit for that little light bulb going off where she goes, I never hide anything, and you're like, fucking, yeah, you fucking do. But that is not a moment for you to mention it.

Speaker 1:
[98:52] And overall vote, did agree. Overall vote, asshole. Big red banner at the top. Top comment, you're the asshole. It wasn't kind of snarky, it was, I'm intentionally going to ruin this night for my sister because she hooked up with someone over 10 years ago, and I reacted so poorly to it that I lost a friendship over it. Now you get to lose a sister too.

Speaker 2:
[99:16] That might be a little harsh. Hopefully, their relationship can recover from this.

Speaker 1:
[99:20] Next comment, you're the asshole. You held a grudge for 10 years and decided to make a snarky remark at her engagement dinner. How childish. Next comment, hard you're the asshole. Grow up, you were kids. Choosing her wedding event to make a public snarky comment is appropriate and immature. They just keep pounding it on. Adding it on? Okay, I've got one last one for you. It's titled, am I the asshole for not putting a garden gnome on my lawn? I only ever take to the subreddit for stupid things, it seems. Hi, 26female here. I recently bought my first house in a cute little neighborhood. There's 12 houses in our street. No HOA, no rules about lawn design, only a rule that roofs can't be black. Cool, whatever. My neighbor, we'll call him Mr. Thomas, 65-ish male, right across the street, has his garden stuffed. And I mean, stuffed, all caps, with garden gnomes. They're everywhere. They climb up the water drain, they're on the porch, on the grass, it's a whole thing. Not my style, but fine. I moved in the first week of March, and the day after Mr. Thomas came to say hello, he introduced himself and brought me a garden gnome as a welcome gift. I thought it was absolutely hideous, but I thanked him and then I put it in the shed after he left. The following day, I brought all neighbors some self-made cookies. Mr. Thomas and his wife got some too, and they seemed happy about it. Two or three days later, I was walking my dog, and Mr. Thomas stopped me and asked why I hadn't put my gnome in my front yard. I didn't tell him I hated the gnome, I just told him I had something else in mind for my garden, which I just hadn't gotten around to yet, and the gnome was doing a formidable job guarding my tools in the shed. He got really upset and snappy with me, and told me that he's been living on this street for 30 years, and every neighbor gets a gnome as a welcome gift, and every neighbor puts them up in the front yard. I hadn't really paid it any mind up until that point, but once he mentioned it, I noticed that there was a garden gnome in every front yard. He mentioned how it's tradition and everybody's got to do it. I asked him if he wanted the gnome back, if he didn't like where I put it. He said no, so I just calmly told him that I most likely wasn't going to put the gnome on the front lawn, thanked him for the gift again, wished him a nice day, and I left. Ever since then, I noticed that a handful of other neighbors have let their gnomes disappear. Now, Mr. Thomas hates me. I get a stink eye every time we spot each other, and my neighbor next door, the sweetest old lady, bless her heart, told me that he's apparently complaining about me on the regular. I told my friends this story, and one of them said I should have just put the gnome on the front lawn to make the old man happy. Am I the asshole for not doing this?

Speaker 2:
[102:34] This is fascinating. First of all, you're not the asshole. You're not the asshole. That just goes without saying. This guy's obviously mentally ill. I mean, obviously. This guy has a thing with gnomes, and it's not your job to appease his thing for gnomes.

Speaker 1:
[102:50] No.

Speaker 2:
[102:50] That said, if you had taken me back to the day, here you are, you've made your bed, and clearly you've started a bit of a revolt among the neighbors.

Speaker 1:
[102:59] Oh, they are rising up by my gnomes.

Speaker 2:
[103:03] If the other gnomes are disappearing, everyone went, wait, wait, hold on, she's just not gonna do this? So then none of us have to do this. So you've actually, you've started a movement among the neighborhood, a revolution, and you are the messenger that will be killed as a result. I think at this point, you've taken a stand, and I respect the stand you took, and I don't think there's anything to do from here. I think he doesn't like you because he's a sick man. He's sick, and he's not, you know, it doesn't...

Speaker 1:
[103:40] The gnomes are a disease.

Speaker 2:
[103:41] The gnomes, he's not well. Well, people don't behave this way. So he's obviously...

Speaker 1:
[103:47] Have gnomes or react badly to not put in a gnome?

Speaker 2:
[103:51] Yes.

Speaker 1:
[103:51] Gifted?

Speaker 2:
[103:52] Correct.

Speaker 1:
[103:52] Okay.

Speaker 2:
[103:53] Both. Being overflowing with gnomes is weird, and it's a disease. And then caring whether you, you know, how you use his gift, and actually being like public-facing about it, like bad-mouthing you is weird and not well. What I would have said, if you had, if we were all to go back in time, but again, this does not make you the asshole, is I would have said, just put out the fucking gnome, because you just moved into this neighborhood, and the last thing you want is a guy that lives next to you being pissed off at you for some stupid reason. And maybe over time, you can slowly move it back every day until it's-

Speaker 1:
[104:36] Behind a bush.

Speaker 2:
[104:37] Until, yeah, and or just deal with it. Like I, so I move, I live in a co-op in New York City. And it's New York City co-ops are very famously like- Very beefy, crazy, hard to get into.

Speaker 1:
[104:53] Fun.

Speaker 2:
[104:53] And I have, there's only four units in my building.

Speaker 1:
[104:58] Okay.

Speaker 2:
[104:58] And I have one of them. So, you know-

Speaker 1:
[105:01] Tight-knit group.

Speaker 2:
[105:02] Yes. And my unit has the roof on it.

Speaker 1:
[105:06] Oh, no.

Speaker 2:
[105:07] And there's two portions of the roof.

Speaker 1:
[105:11] Okay.

Speaker 2:
[105:11] There's an unfinished portion of the roof that is basically like where the HVAC stuff, you know, like all the machinery that kind of, the generators and stuff lives. And technically, when you're in a co-op, everyone owns one-fourth of the building. So, technically, we all own one-fourth of the back portion of the roof. And then I have a private area that came with my apartment, that is my private roof deck. And when I was getting the place, all of the people who were on the board to approve me were like, one thing we've been thinking is we should take the portion of the roof that we all own and build it out and put different stuff there and furniture and make it like a shared roof deck. Meanwhile, I'm thinking, no fucking way.

Speaker 1:
[105:59] Yeah, hell no.

Speaker 2:
[105:59] Because I'm paying for a, my thing was advertised as, you have the private roof. And though on a technicality, we all own this one-fourth area of the roof, I don't want that to be public access because one, it's right next to my bedroom. My bedroom's attached.

Speaker 1:
[106:16] I was gonna ask, is your unit still, you'd hear them tromping around.

Speaker 2:
[106:20] I would lose a lot of privacy, a lot. And I was not okay with that.

Speaker 1:
[106:24] So you lied.

Speaker 2:
[106:25] So I was like, yeah, let's just see. Let's just vibe it out. I'm totally not opposed to that. Meanwhile, in my head, I'm like, I'm totally opposed to this. But I'm like, let me just get into the building. Let me build a relationship with these people. And as I built a relationship with them, first of all, no one has mentioned it since, and I've been in there. I mean, granted, I got in in the winter, so it's just-

Speaker 1:
[106:47] Is this your first summer?

Speaker 2:
[106:48] Yeah, it's gonna be my first summer, so maybe it comes back. Maybe I'll be watching this podcast like, fuck, I handled this wrong. But so far-

Speaker 1:
[106:55] No, because you got in.

Speaker 2:
[106:56] Yeah, I got in.

Speaker 1:
[106:56] And it's like, there's no contract, you didn't sign anything.

Speaker 2:
[106:58] And so far, no one's mentioned it. And I think what I would do is, and now that I've built a relationship, now that I have a good relationship with these people, they're not unreasonable people. Do you know what I mean? So it's like, I just think you never want the first thing you do in a relationship to be like you poo-pooing someone, because they will read you as a person, even if you're totally in the right, which you are in this case. It's like, by no obligation, do you have to have a gnome in your yard, but you never want that to be like the first thing that people know about you is that you're like a no person. So instead, I've said yes to now so many things that I'm hoping that if the roof conversation is raised again, I could politely be like, hey guys, I've given it some thought. It's really close to my bedroom, and I'm not gonna fight you tooth and nail on this, but if we could not build that unfinished portion of the roof into a shared roof deck, that would really, really mean a lot to me in the way that I conduct myself in my apartment, and my hope would be, and I think this is correct, that they'd be like, yeah, fair enough, you know?

Speaker 1:
[108:09] Yeah, my fingers are crossed for you.

Speaker 2:
[108:11] Mine are crossed for me too. Well, I also have neighbor beef now, but it's from the other building, because I have a dog, and my dog pees on the roof, on the unfinished part, actually, and this neighbor, an older lady, has started to open up her window and just scream, get your fucking dog off the roof, but she doesn't live in our building. And so I've never seen her, it's only my girlfriend that's seen her, I've been on tour every time this has happened. It's our roof, she has nothing to do with it.

Speaker 1:
[108:40] Where does the pee go? Do you wash it? Do you like have a hose and spray it out?

Speaker 2:
[108:43] Yeah, we have a hose.

Speaker 1:
[108:44] Do you have one of those grass pads?

Speaker 2:
[108:45] They mail you grass? We did get those, but then we just kinda, there's drains up there, so we just kinda, and it's not a roof that anyone inhabits, like there's no furniture on this.

Speaker 1:
[108:55] Gotcha.

Speaker 2:
[108:56] So it's like trash goes there, pee goes there. In New York, it's so different, because we don't have a yard we can just let her out on, so.

Speaker 1:
[109:04] I literally was walking down the street the other day, and just, I mean, dogs just have to poop on the sidewalk. It's a tough life for a city dog.

Speaker 2:
[109:12] I wish we could just have a doggy door to a place where she could freely run anytime she needed to go.

Speaker 1:
[109:18] I like the grass pad. When my dog had surgery on her hip, we ordered the grass subscription, and it's literally real grass.

Speaker 2:
[109:24] Yeah, that's what we did.

Speaker 1:
[109:25] It's got a tray, and you rinse the tray, which I guess, I don't know, maybe it's the same if you're just rinsing your.

Speaker 2:
[109:31] We ordered it, but then eventually realized that it was ultimately kind of the same thing.

Speaker 1:
[109:35] The same thing, yeah.

Speaker 2:
[109:37] Cause we didn't need the space beneath the grass to be clean.

Speaker 1:
[109:39] Oh, that's crazy.

Speaker 2:
[109:41] But so she yelled at us.

Speaker 1:
[109:42] She's sitting at her window waiting for you.

Speaker 2:
[109:43] Yeah, and I think her issue was like one time our dog was barking, so she yelled, but it was barking at 4 p.m. on a Tuesday, and it's New York City, like dogs bark in New York City. And then she was like yelling about the barking, but then the more she yelled at our dog, the more our dog started barking at her. And then now the dog, when the dog sees her, our dog barks at her, and so that makes her even more angry. And then the other problem is like the roof doesn't have like adequate guard rails, so she's worried that our dog will run off the roof, which like...

Speaker 1:
[110:15] That might be valid.

Speaker 2:
[110:16] Fair, but she doesn't have to like scream at us about it. And also like our dog's not gonna run off the roof because like our dog has walked up to the edge and looked over and realizes that it's a building, so our dog's not gonna like kill herself.

Speaker 1:
[110:27] Well, I don't want to scare you.

Speaker 2:
[110:29] I'm gonna get in trouble.

Speaker 1:
[110:30] No, no, no, no. Well, I think some sort of railing would be advisable.

Speaker 2:
[110:34] Well, yeah, our roof portion has... The back area has no adequate railing. She just goes out, pees, and then we leave. She doesn't like play out there or anything. Where she plays, we have railings.

Speaker 1:
[110:45] Yeah, so I had a German Shepherd. He loved balls, loved a ball. And his ball rolled off of our deck. He jumped off the deck and broke his leg. So, they're smart until they're not.

Speaker 2:
[110:57] Yeah, well, definitely we're never gonna throw balls off of our roof, because it is like...

Speaker 1:
[111:04] Well, we didn't throw it. He pushed, he pushed it off.

Speaker 2:
[111:07] We don't have balls up there. There you go.

Speaker 1:
[111:08] You're fine. You're fine.

Speaker 2:
[111:11] But she's a puppy still, and I'm a new dog owner, so now that I think about this, I go, yeah. I've definitely seen her walk up to the edge close enough that I've screamed at her. And I've been like, yo, don't, yeah, you stay away, and now she stays away, but it is occurring to me, as you say this, that that's not an adequate level of-

Speaker 1:
[111:33] Just a fence, a little fence. She's less likely to hop a fence. I'm so sorry. I'm like literally sending you out of here with so many new fears.

Speaker 2:
[111:42] Yeah, I'm so fucked.

Speaker 1:
[111:43] I'm so sorry. This is just the way my brain thinks. I catastrophize everything.

Speaker 2:
[111:47] No, but this one, well, kind of all of them, you've been right on, so.

Speaker 1:
[111:52] I don't know if I'm right.

Speaker 2:
[111:53] I might be under-catastrophizing things. I might lack a level of anxiety I should have.

Speaker 1:
[111:57] No, no, please don't, don't. No, it's an unhealthy world to live in anxiously. Because you want to know what my first thought when I heard this story? I go, what's in those gnomes? Is there a microphone in those gnomes? Is he spying on all the neighbors? Is that why every neighbor gets a gnome and he's so adamant? Put it on your front porch.

Speaker 2:
[112:15] He totally could be, but it's like...

Speaker 1:
[112:18] I know, but that's... I don't think Mr. Thomas is miking up the gnomes.

Speaker 2:
[112:22] I think it's just like, neighborship is so weird and...

Speaker 1:
[112:26] It's political.

Speaker 2:
[112:28] Yeah, because people, and this isn't where their heads should go, in my opinion, but your first thought when you have any kind of issue with a neighbor isn't just, are we having an issue? It's, and then it's forever next to this person. It's like a marriage you didn't sign up for. And so people get extra worried because it contains all this heightened emotion of forever.

Speaker 1:
[112:51] Yeah.

Speaker 2:
[112:51] When in reality, a lot of things are forever and relationships can be repaired as can be, you know, I've been watching this documentary, Neighbors on.

Speaker 1:
[113:01] I was gonna bring it up.

Speaker 2:
[113:02] It's amazing.

Speaker 1:
[113:03] It's so good.

Speaker 2:
[113:04] It's so good.

Speaker 1:
[113:04] Did you see the Judge Judy one about the cat?

Speaker 2:
[113:07] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1:
[113:08] Okay, it's unreal. You guys, Neighbors on HBO. Check it out. It's so funny and palatable and crazy and just cover your eyes.

Speaker 2:
[113:15] It's kind of a weird mix to me between documentary and reality.

Speaker 1:
[113:19] Yeah.

Speaker 2:
[113:20] Because it's got kind of a reality element, but it's fundamentally shot like a documentary.

Speaker 1:
[113:23] So good.

Speaker 2:
[113:24] It's great. But my view is like things can be fixed.

Speaker 1:
[113:28] Absolutely.

Speaker 2:
[113:29] And if this guy starts to make your life hell or if you're anxious walking out of your house because you're like, fuck, I'm gonna run into this fucking guy, then I bet you could still take the gnome, put it out somewhere where you want it and be like, hey, you know, I thought about it and it was really considerate of you to get us a gnome and I'm sorry for putting it in the shed. That was really incon... You could just say something you don't believe. Just tell this old man what he wants to hear, if you want.

Speaker 1:
[113:55] If you want, yeah.

Speaker 2:
[113:55] Or you can just be, but you're not the asshole.

Speaker 1:
[113:58] No, not the asshole at all. And I think in some cases, I do like placating people. There's a story I have saved and it's this person who's like me and my ex were getting divorced and he's making me sign a stipulation that he'll only agree to the divorce if I change my last name. And I'm like, what? Like, well, just lie. Just say, like, don't put it in the contract.

Speaker 2:
[114:21] Yeah.

Speaker 1:
[114:21] Because then if you sign it, but just say, yeah, okay, I'm for sure I'll change it.

Speaker 2:
[114:26] Of course I'll change it.

Speaker 1:
[114:27] You don't have to change it.

Speaker 2:
[114:28] Yeah.

Speaker 1:
[114:28] Just lie. And I'm like people, people probably like lying is bad. I'm like, but in certain cases with certain people, it's just kind of the easiest way forward. And if it's a lie, that's like, I don't know, doesn't hurt anyone. Yeah.

Speaker 2:
[114:40] Or even, you know, I'm probably down. You know what I mean? Like, you know?

Speaker 1:
[114:48] Non-committal. Yeah. Yeah, I'll get to it.

Speaker 2:
[114:50] Because you don't know how you'll feel. Maybe you'll want to change your name later. You probably won't, but it's like just, you know.

Speaker 1:
[114:55] I like the non-committal. Yeah. Don't lie. Just be non-committal.

Speaker 2:
[114:58] Yeah.

Speaker 1:
[114:59] That's a happy medium for everyone. Top comment on this one. I love that the other gnomes have been disappearing once they saw you take a stand. The idea that this gnome guy has been bullying the whole neighborhood with gnomes for years, and they were just waiting for a hero to come along to free them from the gnomes is so funny. Not the asshole. Amazing. I agree.

Speaker 2:
[115:20] Not the asshole.

Speaker 1:
[115:21] We do get an update. Thanks all for the input. I gave the gnome a new home at my local secondhand shop this morning.

Speaker 2:
[115:30] Oh, oh shit. You've raised the stakes.

Speaker 1:
[115:34] To the people asking about the roof color, yeah, it's a heat absorption thing. And to the people worrying about me being ostracized from the community, it's literally just Mr. Thomas that I have an issue with. The rest is friendly towards me. Even Mrs. Thomas smiled back at me last night when I got home from work, while Mr. Thomas ignored me. So I think I'll be fine.

Speaker 2:
[115:53] Yeah, it's fine. The biggest thing is like, you don't seem anxious about it. So if it's not ruining your life, then it's totally fine.

Speaker 1:
[116:01] I honestly wish I had this level of confidence.

Speaker 2:
[116:05] Yeah, me too.

Speaker 1:
[116:06] I'd be anxious.

Speaker 2:
[116:07] I'd be like, oh.

Speaker 1:
[116:08] I would have put it out. I would have folded.

Speaker 2:
[116:10] Me too.

Speaker 1:
[116:10] I'm a bit of a people pleaser. And I would have definitely put that out.

Speaker 2:
[116:14] I respect her for not. But yeah, I agree. I would have just done it.

Speaker 1:
[116:19] Yeah. No update. So I mean, for beyond that, I mean, I mean, yeah, he's only 65.

Speaker 2:
[116:27] Oh, really?

Speaker 1:
[116:28] 65 ish. I don't know.

Speaker 2:
[116:30] It's just like people that have like.

Speaker 1:
[116:31] You were so optimistic a second ago. Don't wish death upon him. No, no, no, no.

Speaker 2:
[116:34] I don't wish death upon him. I'm just saying it.

Speaker 1:
[116:37] Don't do that to us.

Speaker 2:
[116:37] Once you get to the phase of your life where you're like hoarding gnomes, it feels like death is not far.

Speaker 1:
[116:42] Do you not hoard anything?

Speaker 2:
[116:44] No, I don't think.

Speaker 1:
[116:45] You don't have any yogurt collections?

Speaker 2:
[116:47] No.

Speaker 1:
[116:50] That was a big story. This guy had a yogurt collection. Oh, really?

Speaker 2:
[116:54] Do you hoard anything?

Speaker 1:
[116:57] Vintage furniture. I unfortunately collect vintage furniture with my dad. And we ran out of space, so we had to rent a airplane hanger. And now that's full. And so now I have to stay off Facebook Marketplace. Whoa. It's a problem.

Speaker 2:
[117:15] That's really cool though. Have you thought of selling it?

Speaker 1:
[117:17] So that's our plan, but we have to refinish it.

Speaker 2:
[117:21] Whoa. Hit me up. I love that shit.

Speaker 1:
[117:23] I'll show you. I'll show you some stuff.

Speaker 2:
[117:24] Like some 70s.

Speaker 1:
[117:25] It's 60s, 70s. Yeah. It's from this one designer that was like in LA. And it's really cool stuff.

Speaker 2:
[117:31] I love like shit that looks like it's built in.

Speaker 1:
[117:34] Yeah.

Speaker 2:
[117:34] You know what I mean?

Speaker 1:
[117:35] Oh.

Speaker 2:
[117:35] Seats within larger wood things.

Speaker 1:
[117:38] Yeah.

Speaker 2:
[117:38] I'll show you the design of my house because we did like a 70s inspired LA type of vibe, but you can't go all the way in New York because it's...

Speaker 1:
[117:46] New York. Yeah.

Speaker 2:
[117:47] You just can't have too much wood inside New York because then you look outside and it's concrete and it's all wrong.

Speaker 1:
[117:52] Interesting.

Speaker 2:
[117:53] But we did kind of that and you might be into it.

Speaker 1:
[117:56] I'm excited to see it. Lucas, thank you so much for coming on. Where can people find you? You're on tour. You have a podcast with your mom.

Speaker 2:
[118:03] Oh yeah. So I'm dropping... It's going to be a limited series. If you liked my advice vibes, it's going to be an advice podcast, not dissimilar from this format, but with listener advice questions. But done by myself and my mother. And we're going to do a limited three to four episode series in the three to four weeks leading up to Mother's Day. So it'll be there, put on YouTube and then never again.

Speaker 1:
[118:26] Oh, it's like right around the corner too.

Speaker 2:
[118:27] Yeah, it's not going to be recurring. It's just going to be those few episodes. And then besides that, I'm a standup comic. Check me out. lucaszelnick.com is all of my tour dates. And LucasZelnick on Instagram and TikTok. And then I'm on YouTube. Forget what my YouTube handle is, but just look up LucasZelnick.

Speaker 1:
[118:44] It'll all be tagged in the description. Super easy for you guys to find. And check out a show. I need to come to a show and witness all this in person. Because your inquisitiveness, I don't know, you're just so inquisitive with people. And the way you can handle such awkward situations and sit in it and yet comfortably ask questions and move through it while being funny is just such an art and a gift. So you guys definitely want to check out a show. You're doing like Netflix as a joke. So much cool stuff. So be sure to look at Lucas' links in the description. And other than that, until next time, guys, bye.