transcript
Speaker 1:
[00:00] I sold my car in Carvana last night.
Speaker 2:
[00:02] Well, that's cool.
Speaker 3:
[00:03] No, you don't understand.
Speaker 4:
[00:04] It went perfectly, real offer, down to the penny. They're picking it up tomorrow. Nothing went wrong.
Speaker 5:
[00:09] So, what's the problem?
Speaker 6:
[00:10] That is the problem.
Speaker 4:
[00:11] Nothing in my life goes as smoothly, I'm waiting for the catch.
Speaker 5:
[00:14] Maybe there's no catch.
Speaker 1:
[00:15] That's exactly what a catch would want me to think.
Speaker 6:
[00:18] Wow, you need to relax.
Speaker 4:
[00:19] I need a knock on wood.
Speaker 1:
[00:20] Do we have wood? Is this table wood?
Speaker 7:
[00:22] I think it's laminate.
Speaker 8:
[00:23] Okay, yeah, that's good. That's close enough.
Speaker 6:
[00:24] Car selling without a catch.
Speaker 9:
[00:26] Sell your car today on Carvana.
Speaker 6:
[00:29] Pick up these may apply.
Speaker 4:
[00:32] The 2026 Chevy Equinox is more than an SUV. It's your Sunday tailgate and your parking lot snack bar. Your lucky jersey, your chairs, and your big cooler fit perfectly in your even bigger cargo space. When it's go time, your 11.3-inch diagonal touchscreens got the playbook, the playlist, and the tech to stay a step ahead. It's more than an SUV. It's your Equinox. Chevrolet, together let's drive.
Speaker 10:
[01:00] Hi, I'm Gustavo Sorola, and if you love D&D-style adventures full of humor and heart, you should check out Tales from the Stinky Dragon. Tales from the Stinky Dragon is a cinematic listening experience complete with guest performances from professional voice actors and comedians, immersive sound design, and its own musical score. Go on a thrilling journey with four friends, and me, Gus, their very patient dungeon master, as we stumble through disastrous dice rolls, questionable roleplay decisions, and even a few wholesome feel-good moments along the way. You can binge our first two campaigns, or join us every other week for our latest third campaign. No matter where you decide to start listening, you're guaranteed to have a side-splitting journey that's fun for all ages, and perfect for both D&D veterans and newcomers alike. Just search for Tales from the Stinky Dragon, wherever you listen to podcasts, and subscribe today.
Speaker 7:
[01:40] Hi, this is Rob Benedict.
Speaker 5:
[01:42] And I am Richard Spate. We were both on a little show you might know called Supernatural.
Speaker 7:
[01:48] It had a pretty good run, 15 seasons, 327 episodes.
Speaker 5:
[01:52] And though we have seen, of course, every episode many times, we figured, hey, now that we're wrapped, let's watch it all again.
Speaker 7:
[01:59] And we can't do that alone, so we're inviting the cast and crew that made the show along for the ride. We've got writers, producers, composers, directors, and we'll of course have some actors on as well, including some certain guys that played some certain pretty iconic brothers.
Speaker 11:
[02:16] It was kind of a little bit of a left field choice in the best way possible.
Speaker 12:
[02:20] The note from Kripke was, he's great, we love him, but we're looking for like a really intelligent Dacovne type.
Speaker 7:
[02:27] With 15 seasons to explore, it's going to be the road trip of several lifetimes. So please join us and subscribe to Supernatural then and now.
Speaker 1:
[02:38] This podcast contains mature content, explicit language, suggestive situations, and partial to full frontal nudity.
Speaker 9:
[02:44] Listener discretion is advised.
Speaker 1:
[02:45] Don't let your kids listen to this.
Speaker 13:
[02:49] Here is their new update press release. Fresh look, but works just the same. Launching a new design and logo. This is a celebration of all the improvements that have come to the platform in the last year. 55 in total.
Speaker 14:
[03:01] There have been a lot.
Speaker 13:
[03:02] You'll notice a more vibrant palette, simpler font, softer design, and a fresh look for Puddles, our stream yard duck.
Speaker 1:
[03:10] No, Puddles is the Oregon duck's name.
Speaker 14:
[03:13] Really?
Speaker 1:
[03:13] That's the mascot is Puddles.
Speaker 14:
[03:15] Wait, no. You're telling me that Luca Ferrari.
Speaker 1:
[03:17] Unless he fucking acquired Oregon University.
Speaker 13:
[03:20] Wow. Watch your fucking back, Phil Knight. Your ass is grass.
Speaker 1:
[03:26] Who do you think has more money, Phil Knight or Luca Ferrari?
Speaker 13:
[03:30] Explain what you think money is.
Speaker 14:
[03:32] It's the line for this movie. It's like, yo, he started with $5,000 and now he's two million, three million in debt.
Speaker 9:
[03:37] Golden dumpster.
Speaker 13:
[03:39] Laugh my ass off at that.
Speaker 1:
[03:40] Might've been the only time I laughed in this movie.
Speaker 15:
[03:52] Now, you've seen how bad things can get, and how quick they can get that quick.
Speaker 8:
[03:56] Well, they can get a whole lot worse.
Speaker 13:
[03:58] So we're not going to fight anymore.
Speaker 1:
[04:02] You think this dude's gonna take Ed down?
Speaker 14:
[04:04] MPG is gonna blow Ed out of the water. I'm sorry, misogynist, men are hoes too.
Speaker 1:
[04:16] You've said hoes 58 times in this episode, and I'm the misogynist?
Speaker 3:
[04:22] Are you unbelievable, man?
Speaker 13:
[04:24] You guys have notes about 9-11 for this movie?
Speaker 1:
[04:26] How do you not?
Speaker 14:
[04:33] It was in my dream. That's not how I feel.
Speaker 1:
[04:35] It is how you feel. It was in your dream.
Speaker 14:
[04:37] Some of us like to be prepared.
Speaker 1:
[04:38] How are you not taking accountability for your mind?
Speaker 14:
[04:42] Because I know I'm lying. Like, I know for a fact I'm lying.
Speaker 8:
[04:45] You sick little bitch.
Speaker 13:
[04:47] It was awful. It was incredibly boring. It was long. It was stupid. It was horribly written. The acting was terrible. It was a huge piece of shit. You're a fraud. It's a phobe.
Speaker 16:
[04:54] So everybody should be very respectful.
Speaker 1:
[04:56] But he's dead now, right? So we can't make fun of him?
Speaker 14:
[04:58] Is he dead? No, if he's dead, we can make fun of him. If he's still sick, we can't.
Speaker 1:
[05:01] Hold on.
Speaker 13:
[05:01] If he's dead, we can make fun of him.
Speaker 14:
[05:03] Yeah.
Speaker 9:
[05:04] I don't think we can.
Speaker 16:
[05:05] Whenever I hear numbers, my head can burst them in the chest moves or seats at the garden.
Speaker 13:
[05:09] I don't know what happened to you, man. You used to be cool and then you got blarded.
Speaker 1:
[05:13] You tried to pick AIDS on me in the T-Rex episode.
Speaker 14:
[05:16] That's my fault for not remembering what century I was in, bitch.
Speaker 17:
[05:19] It's been a good run.
Speaker 18:
[05:20] Thanks for playing. See you at the eulogy.
Speaker 19:
[05:23] You want the punani?
Speaker 1:
[05:25] I don't require Ed to have a condom because I trust him.
Speaker 18:
[05:27] Anthony, you're going to be busy today, huh?
Speaker 13:
[05:29] Yeah, it's nothing new, chef.
Speaker 1:
[05:31] I am an alcohol segregationist. That thing's going to move up like R. Kelly.
Speaker 14:
[05:35] Look at all the old ladies around the world I love.
Speaker 13:
[05:37] You got horses.
Speaker 17:
[05:38] What you need are thoroughbred.
Speaker 14:
[05:39] Sometimes my emotions are just roaring like a T-Rex.
Speaker 1:
[05:41] That's a lot of pussy.
Speaker 13:
[05:43] I'm not in here with you. You're in here with me.
Speaker 1:
[06:08] Welcome to Cinephobe, the podcast. We break down the moves you're afraid to make you love. I'm Zach Harper, that's Amin Elhassan, that's Anthony Mayes. Fuck ICE. How about that? I don't care where you listen to these episodes. Listen, wherever you want.
Speaker 13:
[06:20] Spotify is where you can vote in the poll, like the poll for Tommy Boy, and the people came out, or most votes, in quite a while. Say 20.2% phobe, 79.8% file.
Speaker 14:
[06:34] Speaking of fuck ICE, shout out to Anthony Mayes, the only person in about a week of be wearing this hoodie, that figured out I was wearing a fuck ICE hoodie. To loot you.
Speaker 1:
[06:43] I don't even know what hoodie.
Speaker 14:
[06:45] Nobody.
Speaker 1:
[06:45] Were you wearing it in New Orleans?
Speaker 14:
[06:47] Yeah, he saw it. The first thing he said, he picked up on it immediately.
Speaker 1:
[06:50] I don't even know what's on it.
Speaker 14:
[06:51] Well, that's cause you're not very perceptive, Zach. You don't care.
Speaker 1:
[06:54] Well, no, cause I was watching you pretend that we didn't know you were drunk immediately.
Speaker 14:
[06:58] I wasn't drunk immediately. Who said that?
Speaker 1:
[07:00] You showed up drunk.
Speaker 14:
[07:01] Wow.
Speaker 1:
[07:01] And you were like, no one knew I was drunk.
Speaker 13:
[07:04] Wow.
Speaker 1:
[07:05] We all knew. Cause we saw that dumbass look on your face that you get.
Speaker 13:
[07:10] Spot a comment where you can leave a comment like CMike807 who said, I just want to remind everyone that Amin likes Larry the Cable Guy movies.
Speaker 14:
[07:18] Hey, I just want to remind everyone that I can quote Zach Harper as well.
Speaker 1:
[07:21] Oh, now who doesn't like their listeners?
Speaker 14:
[07:22] I'm just saying.
Speaker 13:
[07:23] It's Mr. Louise commented, Amin is the bitch podcaster in this episode. Whoa.
Speaker 14:
[07:30] He hasn't heard the Hall of Fame episode yet.
Speaker 1:
[07:31] I don't go for that.
Speaker 13:
[07:34] B35HVIN commented, I was in the market for a wet Sudanese blanket and I found what I'm looking for. Thanks, Amin.
Speaker 1:
[07:41] Kind of felt racist.
Speaker 9:
[07:43] That's, yeah.
Speaker 14:
[07:44] First of all, yeah, it doesn't add anything to it, right?
Speaker 4:
[07:47] You can just say wet blanket.
Speaker 9:
[07:48] Yeah.
Speaker 14:
[07:48] Yeah. You got to say wet blanket. It's the same joke. Adding Sudanese, yeah, that makes it a little problematic.
Speaker 13:
[07:54] And your boy Reflex commented, Amin, no likey this movie.
Speaker 9:
[07:58] I hate that.
Speaker 13:
[07:59] I blame his college friends for his hatred of this movie.
Speaker 9:
[08:02] That I agree with.
Speaker 14:
[08:03] That's a good comment. That's the original, not any of this regurgitated Zach Harper fucking talking points.
Speaker 1:
[08:08] I don't talk like that.
Speaker 14:
[08:10] I know. That's why that one was funny.
Speaker 13:
[08:11] Dylan, Dylan, Dylan commented. I love you, Amin, but you have a gigantic pole, not a stick up your ass on this one.
Speaker 14:
[08:19] Is it Dylan or is it Dylon?
Speaker 1:
[08:20] Or is it Pierre? Pole up your ass.
Speaker 14:
[08:22] He's not Polish.
Speaker 1:
[08:23] I said pole.
Speaker 13:
[08:24] Neither are you.
Speaker 1:
[08:25] Leave a review, leave a comment. Make sure you check it out. CT five episodes on the main feed. Leave your CT five suggestions and lists on social media or in the discord by subscribing to patreon.com/count the dings, which you get access to ad free episodes, extended cold opens, rewatching the live events, past, present, future, Washington events of here's the science, our rescue episodes. Before we do the here's the science podcast episodes, episodes come out early, even hall of fame episodes where you don't know, oh, is this the real episode this week? If it drops on Thursday, real episode.
Speaker 14:
[08:51] It's a good rule of thumb.
Speaker 1:
[08:52] And all of our extra content across the entire Count The Dings network, give a submission, submit it. Reminder needs to be 40% or lower on the Rotten Tomatoes audience or critic score. Boys wrote some stuff.
Speaker 14:
[09:02] Nice.
Speaker 13:
[09:02] Oh, you wrote stuff. You had some time.
Speaker 1:
[09:04] Updated the whole thing, the whole shtick. How about this? We started this new century with crossover for episode 300. Pluto TV saw our friend literally couldn't add 125 plus 35 plus whatever a headband cost and said, Hey, man, you check out these smart kids and senseless. Then Pluto TV saw us inject drugs into our ass to enhance our senses. And so we could have a third act of recycling the same jokes we always do. And said, Hey, man, you must like David Spade movies. So here's Dickie Roberts, former child star. Then Pluto TV saw us try to learn how to have a childhood, only to pass up on the opportunity and Alyssa Milano. So we could try to bang out our adopted stepmom and said, Hey, man, you must really like David Spade movies. You should watch Tommy Boy. Then Pluto TV saw us try to impress our dad and save the family business by learning how to sell guarantees up a bull's ass, as Amin openly tried to ruin the episode and said, Hey, man, you're probably sick of David Spade movies. So you should watch Ashton Kutcher and my boss's daughter. Then Pluto TV saw us house sitting because Tara Reed thought we were gay. It led to some guy named Spike threatening to whip it out until Michael Batson pissed all over hospitality and said, Hey man, let's see Ted dancing, whip out that ponytail and get me even with dad. Then Pluto TV saw us steal some coins with our ponytail and be blackmailed by our kid to actually be a father when all we should be thinking about is how to get an AD back. Cause look at that picture and says, Hey man, let's watch Walter Mathau's hang dog face and the odd couple too.
Speaker 14:
[10:31] Hang dog dog.
Speaker 13:
[10:33] Okay.
Speaker 1:
[10:34] Then Pluto TV. So I was trying to pick up some road Twitch in our 1996 ass boxers and get arrested time and time again for shit. We didn't do just so we could move in with our friend. We don't really like and said, Hey man, fuck your algorithm right now. You should watch Mack and Devin go to high school. Then Pluto TV saw, I don't know what the fuck it was. The music video about weed as a 30 year old tried to groom a high school kid with hidden tattoos and said, Hey man, speaking of taking the bus, how about you watch the honeymooners? That brings us to the 2005 slapstick comedy family romance, the honeymooners.
Speaker 14:
[11:06] Well done.
Speaker 13:
[11:07] Well done.
Speaker 14:
[11:08] I was really good.
Speaker 13:
[11:09] Or should I say, Hey man, well done comedy.
Speaker 1:
[11:13] Just comedy. Huh?
Speaker 13:
[11:14] That's it.
Speaker 1:
[11:14] All right. The honeymooners stars, Cedric, the entertainer, Mike Epps and Gabrielle Union. Cedric is a repeat offender for Street Kings.
Speaker 12:
[11:22] I wish I knew how to quit you.
Speaker 1:
[11:23] He had Johnson family vacation in 2004, Be Cool Madagascar in this movie in 2005, and Street Kings in 2008.
Speaker 14:
[11:31] Cedric, the entertainer, starts as Sed, aka the bitch friend.
Speaker 1:
[11:35] I think in this movie he's just Cedric. Not a whole lot of entertaining.
Speaker 14:
[11:38] Never called him anything more than just Sed.
Speaker 9:
[11:40] I wanted to ask, Or the bitch friend.
Speaker 13:
[11:42] Based on the original Kings of Comedy in 2000 with him, Steve Harvey, DL Hughley, and Bernie Mac, who do you think got the biggest career boost off of that film?
Speaker 14:
[11:52] Oh, this is an interesting question. I'm going to say Bernie Mac because at the time, those other guys were mainstream comedians, but Bernie Mac was always like, that's the underground one. He's the funny one. That's why he's the closer. But he's the one that Hollywood will never accept. And then he got the show based off of that stand up, he got the show Greenlit on Fox.
Speaker 1:
[12:11] And that got him Mr. 3000.
Speaker 14:
[12:13] And that got Zach Harper a copy of Mr. 3000 from a woman that knows what he likes very much.
Speaker 13:
[12:18] All right, who do you think had the best longevity career? Like obviously Bernie Mac passed away.
Speaker 1:
[12:24] Not him.
Speaker 14:
[12:25] Steve Harvey. Yeah, Steve Harvey.
Speaker 13:
[12:27] Yeah, I was thinking, I think it was Harvey.
Speaker 1:
[12:29] Yeah.
Speaker 13:
[12:29] He's still relevant at this point.
Speaker 14:
[12:31] Yeah.
Speaker 1:
[12:31] Yeah. Well, okay. Then let me ask this. Who is more relevant today? Is it Cedric the entertainer or DL Hughley?
Speaker 14:
[12:36] Ced still has network TV shows, man. Like The Neighborhood Show.
Speaker 1:
[12:41] Oh, he has The Neighborhood one. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're right.
Speaker 14:
[12:43] That dude is still working. DL took the, I'm going to be more of a political guy, not even political comedy, just straight up Keith Olbermann style, straight politics and news and shit. DL was always my favorite among the living ones.
Speaker 1:
[12:57] What, Steve Harvey?
Speaker 14:
[12:58] Always, always.
Speaker 1:
[12:59] Not a Family Feud, man?
Speaker 14:
[13:00] No, I think Family Feud is fine.
Speaker 1:
[13:01] What about the Steve Harvey show? Steve Harvey show was good.
Speaker 14:
[13:03] I love the Steve Harvey show, but I thought DL was funnier than those guys. Bernie obviously was the funniest of them.
Speaker 1:
[13:08] Yeah, Bernie by far the funniest.
Speaker 14:
[13:10] But I don't know, man. I guess the guy just had different aspirations as far as what he wanted his career to be about.
Speaker 13:
[13:15] I think Cedric the Entertainer is the biggest loser out of the four.
Speaker 1:
[13:20] Boy, I watched this movie and thought, is Cedric the Entertainer just not funny?
Speaker 14:
[13:24] Well, here's the thing. He was the least funny of the four in the moment. So maybe to answer Mayes' question, the others were always gonna be destined for some sort of success one way or another, where Ced, So his boost might have been out of mediocrity or whatever.
Speaker 1:
[13:42] Is it tougher to go from a fringe player to a good role player or from a role player to an all-star?
Speaker 14:
[13:47] Good question.
Speaker 1:
[13:48] Mike Epps is a repeat offender for Mack and Devin, Madame Werb and How High.
Speaker 3:
[13:52] I wish I knew how to quit you.
Speaker 1:
[13:54] He had Resident Evil Apocalypse in 2004. Guess who? Roll Bounce and this movie in 2005 and Something New in 2006.
Speaker 14:
[14:02] So Mike Epps stars as Epps, AKA Comedy, but also Mike Epps stars as I will never say no to a role. This dude works, man.
Speaker 1:
[14:10] That dude works.
Speaker 13:
[14:12] He's in a second Resident Evil movie as well.
Speaker 1:
[14:15] I've only seen the first one, but there's a bunch of them.
Speaker 13:
[14:18] They qualify.
Speaker 1:
[14:19] Yeah, they sure do. Gabby is a repeat offender for Bad Boys 2.
Speaker 3:
[14:23] I wish I knew how to quit you.
Speaker 14:
[14:24] Gabby stars as Gabby.
Speaker 1:
[14:26] As Mrs. Wayne.
Speaker 14:
[14:26] There may be another name that shows up, but Gabby for most of the movie.
Speaker 13:
[14:30] She's got a bunch of movies that try to tell a story. Two can play that game, you piece of shit. Deliver Us From Eva, Cradle To The Grave and Breaking All The Rules.
Speaker 14:
[14:38] She didn't grow up in a very black community. She grew up in Nebraska, right? Ed got her big break in She's All That, which is not a black movie.
Speaker 13:
[14:47] Bring It On was.
Speaker 14:
[14:48] Both are around the same time, but not the Chitlin Circuit, right? Then they have a pretty strong, what?
Speaker 1:
[14:55] Chitlin Circuit.
Speaker 14:
[14:56] Well, I mean, that's what they call it. Cool. Really strong block of just Chitlin Circuit movies. Y'all are you uncomfortable by the word?
Speaker 1:
[15:04] Y'all gotta change that name.
Speaker 14:
[15:05] Is he?
Speaker 1:
[15:08] I mean, she's had a very long career.
Speaker 14:
[15:11] Yes.
Speaker 1:
[15:11] She's always in stuff, but not overexposed, I guess.
Speaker 14:
[15:14] If you saw the beginning of her career, you would be like, oh, this is gonna be the black actor, actress who's in a bunch of mainstream comedies.
Speaker 1:
[15:24] Donald Faison?
Speaker 14:
[15:25] Donald Faison. Actually, that's a great example. I thought she could be like that, and instead, she did all of these Chitlin Circuit movies.
Speaker 1:
[15:33] Regina Hall.
Speaker 20:
[15:34] Aw, mwah.
Speaker 1:
[15:35] I don't like that. Is a repeat offender for a scary movie, Three, and law-abiding citizen.
Speaker 12:
[15:40] I wish I knew how to quit you.
Speaker 14:
[15:41] That's right, she was Jamie Foxx's wife. And he's like, what was on the tape with him?
Speaker 1:
[15:45] That awful father and husband.
Speaker 14:
[15:48] You know what? I like the name Trixie so much that I just called her Trixie.
Speaker 1:
[15:52] Yeah, I feel like that's a great name.
Speaker 14:
[15:54] We don't have that name.
Speaker 1:
[15:55] Eric Stoltz, repeat offender for Anaconda.
Speaker 14:
[15:57] Marty McFly and McFly is what I called him.
Speaker 1:
[15:59] John Polito, repeat offender for Blank Man.
Speaker 14:
[16:02] I immediately just called him Sylvia. Love me, kiss me.
Speaker 13:
[16:06] Coen Brothers All-Star man. Miller's Crossing, Barton Fink, Big Lebowski, man who wasn't there.
Speaker 1:
[16:11] John Leguizamo, now a member of the Five Timers Club with The Pest, Collateral Damage, The Fan and Out For Justice. I just called him The Pest.
Speaker 10:
[16:19] I wish I knew how to quit you.
Speaker 14:
[16:21] The Pest, The Pest, Mestario Vargas.
Speaker 13:
[16:22] Oh, both of you guys. He's Ithan Dodge.
Speaker 14:
[16:26] I did when they introduced his name.
Speaker 13:
[16:28] Ithan.
Speaker 14:
[16:29] He just started acting like The Pest and I was like, I'm sorry.
Speaker 19:
[16:32] All right then, Dodge. All right then.
Speaker 1:
[16:34] Ajay Naidoo from Office Space. Nahi Nanajar, Nahi Nanajar, it's not that hard.
Speaker 13:
[16:40] And Repeat Offender for Scary Movie 3.
Speaker 14:
[16:42] I called him Office Space, AKA Vivek Ranadevay because his name is like-
Speaker 1:
[16:48] Same note. No.
Speaker 14:
[16:52] Want to Minaj that, Zach?
Speaker 1:
[16:53] Nope. Sure don't.
Speaker 13:
[16:55] His name is Vivek.
Speaker 1:
[16:56] Chewy Bravo, Repeat Offender for Tiptoes.
Speaker 13:
[16:58] Yeah. I didn't see him, but I had him in the cast.
Speaker 1:
[17:01] Alice Drummond from Ghostbusters.
Speaker 13:
[17:03] And Ace Ventura Pet Detective.
Speaker 1:
[17:05] Finkel's mom, right?
Speaker 14:
[17:06] Yeah. Ray Finkels. Well, I turned it to Pluto TV at that point. I was like, all right, man, let's go live right in from Ghostbusters.
Speaker 1:
[17:12] Lenny Veneto, Repeat Offender from Xi Li. Dana Lee, Repeat Offender from Rambo, First Blood, Part 2.
Speaker 12:
[17:18] I wish I knew how to quit you.
Speaker 1:
[17:19] That's the man that buys the tray.
Speaker 13:
[17:20] Takahashi and Kirby Enthusiasm.
Speaker 14:
[17:22] Oh, there you go.
Speaker 1:
[17:23] I'm the Asian guy in this movie.
Speaker 13:
[17:25] Well, which one?
Speaker 14:
[17:26] Nope, nope, nope. Kim Chan, owner of the diner, but I called him Q. John Wang's father from Shanghai Nights.
Speaker 1:
[17:35] All of us?
Speaker 14:
[17:35] Also have Kevin Corrigan, aka Henry Hill's little brother from Goodfellas.
Speaker 1:
[17:40] Oh, yeah.
Speaker 13:
[17:41] Repeat offender for The Departed and Kiss of Death.
Speaker 3:
[17:44] I wish I knew how to quit you.
Speaker 14:
[17:46] He's the bus driver.
Speaker 13:
[17:47] And then also Carol Woods as Mama Gibson.
Speaker 14:
[17:51] I called her Bitch Mill, aka the bitch mother-in-law.
Speaker 13:
[17:55] She is from Joe's apartment and she was a singer for Across the Universe. I think she's mostly a singer. And then Arnell Powell was DJ Suckaslam, and I just wanted to write DJ Suckaslam in the cast.
Speaker 14:
[18:07] I did too.
Speaker 1:
[18:08] Suckas something. The Honeymooners was directed by John Schultz.
Speaker 8:
[18:12] Is suckmydick.com. Oh!
Speaker 14:
[18:15] That made the board. I can't get an uh-oh, but that made the board.
Speaker 1:
[18:20] Fuck your uh-oh!
Speaker 8:
[18:21] Is suckmydick.com.
Speaker 1:
[18:23] Hall of Famer.
Speaker 14:
[18:24] He sounds a lot calmer as a clip. I'm so happy.
Speaker 1:
[18:28] I'll go fuck how this episode goes.
Speaker 8:
[18:30] I'm good.
Speaker 14:
[18:30] We've been doing it wrong.
Speaker 1:
[18:32] Wrong! Play it one more time.
Speaker 8:
[18:35] Is suckmydick.com.
Speaker 1:
[18:37] suckmydick.com. John Schultz directed Drive Me Crazy and Like Mike.
Speaker 13:
[18:43] Also to A Christmas Prince Movies. That's what he's been up to lately.
Speaker 1:
[18:46] We have four writing credits on this one.
Speaker 13:
[18:48] Oh man.
Speaker 14:
[18:49] Already the black?
Speaker 13:
[18:50] I got some trivia on that for you, Amin.
Speaker 1:
[18:52] Okay. I guess we'll hold that. Danny Jacobson, 13 episodes of Roseanne. He created two guys, a girl and a pizza place. So he's not black. And he also created mad about you. Definitely not black. David Sheffield wrote Police Academy 2, 3, 4 and 5, Coming to America, Boomerang, The Nutty Professor and 56 episodes of Saturday Night Live.
Speaker 14:
[19:13] Any relation to Gary Sheffield?
Speaker 1:
[19:15] Great question. I don't know.
Speaker 14:
[19:17] No, that's the only black Sheffield I know.
Speaker 1:
[19:19] He's very white.
Speaker 13:
[19:20] He and Barry Bloustein met at SNL and then it seems like they wrote sketches for Eddie Murphy. And so those are all Eddie Murphy movies they wrote with him and then here we are now.
Speaker 1:
[19:33] Yeah, brother of Buddy Sheffield.
Speaker 14:
[19:36] Is he in relation to Gary Sheffield?
Speaker 1:
[19:38] Who was a writing supervisor on In Living Color.
Speaker 14:
[19:41] Oh, there it is.
Speaker 1:
[19:42] Well, they're both white though.
Speaker 14:
[19:44] Oh, yeah. Well, Gary Sheffield is half, half Italian.
Speaker 1:
[19:50] And then Don Reimer, who wrote Carpool, Big Momma's House, The Santa Claus 2, Big Momma's House 2, Deck the Halls and Ferdinand.
Speaker 14:
[19:59] The movie that Zach walked out of. Which one was it? Big Momma's House 1 or 2?
Speaker 1:
[20:03] Big Momma's House 2.
Speaker 14:
[20:04] The only movie you've walked.
Speaker 1:
[20:05] I mean, you were gone for My Momma Told Me, right?
Speaker 14:
[20:08] I missed it, yeah.
Speaker 1:
[20:09] They did this game of, I think the scenario was like, the entire Epstein files get released and justice comes to all of those offenders in the files and everything is settled. But the rest of your life, you can only have sex with one of three people.
Speaker 13:
[20:25] It's a character wearing a fat suit.
Speaker 1:
[20:27] But the three options were Big Momma's House, Martin Lawrence, Tyler Perry, Madea. And then the third one was Sherman Klum. Nutty Professor.
Speaker 14:
[20:34] Now, am I having sex with the...
Speaker 13:
[20:38] The actor in the fat suit.
Speaker 1:
[20:39] In the fat suit.
Speaker 14:
[20:40] So not the fat version of what they're supposed to portray.
Speaker 1:
[20:43] No.
Speaker 13:
[20:43] But also you don't get to decide which one you have sex with.
Speaker 14:
[20:46] It's a random.
Speaker 1:
[20:47] And the pictures that they picked at one point, it was either Jamel or it was David, they were like, all these guys look like they just found out they have to have sex with you. Bart Lors was like bewildered in the Big Mama's house. It was great. Cannot recommend that podcast enough. Synopsis for the honeymooners. Working class New York bus driver Ralph Cramden is always coming up with get rich quick schemes for him and his best friend Ed Norton, who's always around to help him get in and out of trouble.
Speaker 14:
[21:13] Do you think Ed Norton hated his fucking life, the real Ed Norton?
Speaker 1:
[21:17] I'm sure.
Speaker 14:
[21:17] Because was just hitting him with honeymooner shit all the time?
Speaker 1:
[21:20] Constantly, yeah.
Speaker 14:
[21:22] And he was an actor? God damn, man.
Speaker 1:
[21:23] Tagline, dream big, scheme bigger.
Speaker 14:
[21:27] They did neither.
Speaker 1:
[21:28] They dreamed very small.
Speaker 14:
[21:29] Yes, and schemed even smaller.
Speaker 13:
[21:31] No, the dreams were big, the schemes were small.
Speaker 1:
[21:33] They weren't though. The dream was just, I want to be a millionaire?
Speaker 13:
[21:35] Yeah.
Speaker 1:
[21:36] That's not a big dream.
Speaker 14:
[21:37] And also that's not a dream.
Speaker 13:
[21:39] It's not an elaborate dream, it's a big dream.
Speaker 14:
[21:41] It's a statement.
Speaker 1:
[21:42] A dream would be like, I'm gonna become a pitcher for the Mets.
Speaker 13:
[21:45] What if I told you that it was dreaming of being a millionaire in the 50s? Does that sound a little bigger to you?
Speaker 1:
[21:49] Well, it's 1999.
Speaker 13:
[21:51] What is it?
Speaker 14:
[21:52] Wait for the trivia.
Speaker 1:
[21:53] $25 million estimated budget.
Speaker 14:
[21:56] 25?
Speaker 1:
[21:57] Gross, 12.8 million US, 13.1 million worldwide. Flop city.
Speaker 14:
[22:01] How much of it was to drive the bus onto the grass?
Speaker 1:
[22:05] Oh, I thought you were gonna say catering. Before we jump into this movie, listen to the rest of this podcast, Honeymooners is available on Pluto TV.
Speaker 14:
[22:10] I don't think I've said it in that way.
Speaker 1:
[22:12] He was doing some shit fatly in this movie, okay?
Speaker 9:
[22:14] Oh, yeah.
Speaker 14:
[22:15] I'm open to it, but first of all, I don't think I've said it as a fact.
Speaker 1:
[22:18] It wasn't Kevin James level.
Speaker 13:
[22:20] Of course not. Was it just too early? Cause of what, five years later, they were to try to make this movie with white people and Kevin James?
Speaker 1:
[22:27] Yeah, you know what? If Kevin James was-
Speaker 14:
[22:29] Happy Madison.
Speaker 1:
[22:30] It's absolutely Happy Madison production.
Speaker 14:
[22:32] Is Adam Sandler Ed Norton?
Speaker 1:
[22:33] Probably Schneider.
Speaker 14:
[22:35] Oh no.
Speaker 1:
[22:37] It would have been bad. At best we get David Spade as Norton.
Speaker 14:
[22:41] Busemi?
Speaker 1:
[22:42] Oh, that would have been a good one.
Speaker 13:
[22:43] They couldn't get him for a full movie. No, no, no.
Speaker 1:
[22:46] He's happy to hang out.
Speaker 13:
[22:47] He's not, he's not a supporting actor.
Speaker 1:
[22:49] Yeah.
Speaker 14:
[22:50] I'm not working out here, man.
Speaker 1:
[22:51] The Honeymooners receives 13% on 109 critic reviews on Rotten Tomatoes, 30% from the audience on over 5,000 ratings.
Speaker 14:
[23:01] That's the Dairy Queen, folks, the DQ.
Speaker 1:
[23:04] Amin, check the positive or the negative reviews.
Speaker 14:
[23:08] I'm a Greyhound half hopped up on steroids kind of guy. Give me the positives.
Speaker 18:
[23:13] Hey John, that's weird.
Speaker 3:
[23:14] That glass looks half full to me.
Speaker 8:
[23:16] Wow. Now that you mention it, it is half full.
Speaker 1:
[23:19] Linda Cook of KWQC-TV in Iowa.
Speaker 14:
[23:24] Let her cook.
Speaker 1:
[23:24] The Honeymooners is a good-natured movie. That's not so much a remake as a nod to the old television series.
Speaker 14:
[23:31] It actually tries to stay pretty true to the source material a little bit.
Speaker 1:
[23:37] Yeah.
Speaker 14:
[23:37] There's a lot of shit in here. Oh, I'm like, yeah, that's from Honeymooners.
Speaker 1:
[23:40] Kamal, the diva L'Arsuelle of Three Black Chicks Review.
Speaker 14:
[23:43] Kamal, you like this shit, man?
Speaker 1:
[23:45] Lady. I found the movie to be sweet and heartwarming.
Speaker 14:
[23:49] Kamal's given some really, really harsh reviews in the past.
Speaker 1:
[23:53] But this one's sweet and heartwarming.
Speaker 14:
[23:55] All right.
Speaker 1:
[23:56] I bet I know why. Ken Hanke of Mountain Express. Oh, no. More of a 2005 appreciation of the series than anything else, and one that is wisely tailored to its cast members who managed to make their characters charming and likeable.
Speaker 14:
[24:10] Hey, man, this is a black movie. That's what Ken Hanke just said. Ken Hanke, does he ever have negative reviews?
Speaker 1:
[24:15] I don't know that I remember him doing negative ones.
Speaker 14:
[24:17] He likes everything.
Speaker 1:
[24:18] He's like you. He's like my dad. Yeah.
Speaker 13:
[24:20] He's like your dad.
Speaker 1:
[24:21] Jeffrey Lyles of Gazette. Liars! Feels like watching an hour and a half block of a sitcom. One half hour is really funny, another good for a few laughs, and the other one you could catch in reruns.
Speaker 13:
[24:33] That's kind of accurate. I think all of these plots would have worked better as a single television episode.
Speaker 1:
[24:40] Betty Jo Tucker of Real Talk Movie Reviews.
Speaker 14:
[24:43] BJ. Tucker.
Speaker 1:
[24:44] I found the crazy schemes hatched by this new Cramden-Norton duo. Very funny indeed.
Speaker 13:
[24:51] Very funny indeed.
Speaker 1:
[24:52] No, indeed isn't there, but.
Speaker 14:
[24:54] Betty Jo Tucker. I'm looking up what she looks like.
Speaker 13:
[24:57] Wyatt.
Speaker 14:
[24:59] You already know?
Speaker 13:
[24:59] Yeah.
Speaker 14:
[25:00] Oh my God, Betty Jo's old. What the hell?
Speaker 13:
[25:02] I mean, this review's from 20 years ago.
Speaker 14:
[25:04] She's not alive.
Speaker 1:
[25:05] Roger Ebert of Chicago Sun Times.
Speaker 14:
[25:08] No, come on. The legend.
Speaker 1:
[25:10] A surprise and a delight. A movie that escapes the fate of weary TV retreads and creates characters that remember the originals. Yes, but also stand on their own. Wow. Wow. And then Lawrence Totman of Charlotte Observer. Top man.
Speaker 14:
[25:26] Totman Hot Spurs.
Speaker 1:
[25:27] No, not Tottenham. Top man is the top. The real question is whether we like these people. To my surprise, the answer is yes. Whoa.
Speaker 13:
[25:36] Phil Noir.
Speaker 14:
[25:37] To my surprise.
Speaker 1:
[25:38] These people.
Speaker 14:
[25:38] To my surprise.
Speaker 13:
[25:39] Yeah.
Speaker 1:
[25:40] And to his surprise.
Speaker 14:
[25:41] I could never. Well, how about that?
Speaker 13:
[25:44] Look, he was open-minded.
Speaker 1:
[25:45] Negative reviews.
Speaker 16:
[25:46] Stop being a pessimist. This tank is not half full.
Speaker 8:
[25:51] It's half empty.
Speaker 1:
[25:52] Cole Smythe of colesmythe.com.
Speaker 14:
[25:55] It's not a real name.
Speaker 1:
[25:56] The script, credited to four screenwriters, uses a plethora of already dated urban inside humor that reeks of pandering.
Speaker 14:
[26:04] Cole Smythe, the opposite side of the coin from Tottenham Hotspur over there.
Speaker 1:
[26:10] David Nusser of Real Film Reviews.
Speaker 14:
[26:14] Is that real R-E-E-L?
Speaker 1:
[26:15] R-E-E-L. Not real film reviews. Even if one were willing to overlook the fact that The Honeymooners is virtually nothing like the show that supposedly inspired it, the film would still come off as an unnaturally prolonged second-rate UPN sitcom. Oh.
Speaker 14:
[26:33] God damn.
Speaker 1:
[26:35] Why?
Speaker 14:
[26:35] It's gonna be one of those days, huh?
Speaker 1:
[26:37] Jeff Otto of IGN Movies.
Speaker 14:
[26:40] Why I Otto?
Speaker 1:
[26:41] Thank God Jackie Gleason and Art Carney died before they could see this.
Speaker 14:
[26:45] Not wrong. Jackie Gleason made the toy. I'm sorry. He's not gonna be on anyone's like, oh, his standard of comedy is so high.
Speaker 1:
[26:53] Scott Gwynn of Cinema Blend. Mr. The Entertainer ends up channeling the Carl Winslow character from TV's Family Matters.
Speaker 13:
[27:01] Mr. The Entertainer, please. Mr. The Entertainer was my father's name. Call me Cedric.
Speaker 1:
[27:07] Mr. Manager?
Speaker 14:
[27:08] What did Taffer call himself?
Speaker 1:
[27:10] Oh, I'm John Experience.
Speaker 4:
[27:11] I want to introduce myself to you.
Speaker 3:
[27:12] My name is John Experience.
Speaker 1:
[27:14] And then lastly, Luke White Thompson of Los Angeles City Beat. If we can recast Jackie Gleeson's signature role of Ralph Cramden with Cedric, the, ahem, entertainer, why not Jim Carrey as Cliff Huxtable in the Cosby show movie? Whoa.
Speaker 14:
[27:32] You know what, Luke?
Speaker 1:
[27:33] I'm interested. You have my money before you had curiosity. Now you've got my money. We'll get Amin's first note, May's first note. My first note after these messages, unless you're a Patreon member, patreon.com/catheddings. Get an ad free episode, write to me.
Speaker 13:
[27:51] Hello, listener. It's producer Mays here to talk to you about cheers. You know what gets tougher? The older you get hangovers, unless you're a mean and you claim to never be hung over for most of us. Even if you have one, two, maybe two drinks, the next morning can be rough. At least it was until I found Cheers Restore. Here's how it works. You take it after your last drink or before bed, and then while you're sleeping, it does its magic.
Speaker 8:
[28:20] It's a can of magic.
Speaker 13:
[28:22] They claim you'll feel 50% better or your money back. Cheers Restore helps you metabolize alcohol more efficiently and supports overall liver health. Most people think dehydration is why you feel bad, so you chug a bunch of water, but the real issue is what happens in your brain and liver while you sleep. When alcohol leaves your system, your brain goes into rebound mode, which is what makes you feel bad. The DHM in Cheers works while you sleep to smooth out that rebound. At the same time, alcohol converts into a toxic byproduct that your liver has to clear out. The cysteine in Cheers helps speed that up. It's backed by doctors, PhDs, and over 1,000 verified clinicians. They've sold over 50 million doses, and it's available in 30,000 retail locations, including CVS Walgreens and the 7-Eleven where Snacky Tuna goes. So take Cheers to store after your last drink or before going to bed and wake up feeling at least 50% better or your money back. For a limited time, our listeners are getting 20% off their entire order by using code CINEPHOBE at cheershealth.com. Just head to cheershealth.com and use code CINEPHOBE for 20% off. After you purchase, they will ask where you hear about them. Please support our show and tell them Cinephobe sent you.
Speaker 1:
[29:35] I mean, what is your first note?
Speaker 14:
[29:36] Funky intro music to let all the whites know. This ain't your granddaddy's honeymooners case.
Speaker 1:
[29:42] You just said honeymooners. I'm in. Don't even know anything about it.
Speaker 14:
[29:45] We got to let them know. Hey man, it ain't going to be that kind of movie.
Speaker 1:
[29:49] You're not getting Jackie moon from this music maze.
Speaker 13:
[29:52] What is your first note as the title rises up to meet the moon thought to myself, Idris Elba would fuck this movie up, man. Or excuse me, sir, Idris Elba, you just wanted to work at it. No, it's a terrible note. I had nothing.
Speaker 14:
[30:07] I'm going to allow it.
Speaker 1:
[30:08] My first note. I remember watching the show as a kid during the summer would come on after I Love Lucy in the morning. Funny comedy about threatening domestic abuse.
Speaker 13:
[30:17] Talk.
Speaker 1:
[30:18] He was constantly threatening to punch his wife.
Speaker 14:
[30:21] I'm going to do the show.
Speaker 19:
[30:22] Do the show. When you were telling the story last night, you had so much detail. The detail was so rich. It was rich detail. Going to incredibly descriptive details of the story so we all know.
Speaker 17:
[30:37] Oh, yes.
Speaker 6:
[30:38] Now it's time for the scenes.
Speaker 5:
[30:39] Here's what happened.
Speaker 1:
[30:42] It's autumn of 1999 in New York City. Thank you. Radio DJs position from DJs Suck A Slam. Whoa.
Speaker 14:
[30:51] No, no, no. Suck A Slam.
Speaker 8:
[30:53] Oh. Is suckmydick.com.
Speaker 14:
[30:55] There it is.
Speaker 1:
[30:56] Is that why you put it on the board?
Speaker 13:
[30:58] No. Okay. What's funny is that of me and Fane's outrage, but we talked about, I said I was going to do this. I was going to put it on the board in New Orleans. Oh. Oh.
Speaker 1:
[31:08] Don't remember.
Speaker 14:
[31:09] Yeah. I was too busy, you know, talking about ice with people. My sweatshirt.
Speaker 13:
[31:13] And trying to smoke a cigarette.
Speaker 14:
[31:15] Oh my God. Not trying. I did. I was successful.
Speaker 13:
[31:19] You got about two thirds of the way there at about 15 minutes. You almost did it. Holding it with your thumb and forefinger out in front of you.
Speaker 14:
[31:27] Yeah.
Speaker 9:
[31:27] You have to, you have to.
Speaker 14:
[31:29] That's how you smoke a cigarette.
Speaker 1:
[31:30] What do you go? You go index in middle finger.
Speaker 14:
[31:32] Yeah. Let's see.
Speaker 1:
[31:33] No way, man.
Speaker 14:
[31:34] Went to a French school.
Speaker 13:
[31:35] That's why Frenchy McTaw over there. Excuse me.
Speaker 14:
[31:41] Rudy go there.
Speaker 1:
[31:46] It's DJ suck a slam. Spent an old school tonight inviting all of New York to forget your Y2K worries. Turn up your radio and help good old Chuck Brown bust loose.
Speaker 14:
[32:00] And I feel like busting loose, busting loose. And that little set up is just for said to be the dancing bus driver.
Speaker 13:
[32:07] Oh yeah.
Speaker 14:
[32:07] You know what else he's doing guys? And this is a strong horseman breaking the fourth wall.
Speaker 1:
[32:12] Oh my God.
Speaker 14:
[32:14] This fucker breaks fourth wall left and right. Look at this photograph.
Speaker 13:
[32:18] This is the first time that I realized that this was sampled in hot in here. Oh, I know. And actually the Chuck Brown got a writing credit on hot in here.
Speaker 14:
[32:27] Yeah.
Speaker 9:
[32:28] I didn't know he got a writing credit, but obviously I knew it was sampled main lyric, man.
Speaker 1:
[32:32] I never look at the liner. Let me look at the liner notes on the no.
Speaker 14:
[32:35] Really? You never did that?
Speaker 1:
[32:36] No, man. Listen to music. I love I hear music. You read your little. Oh, I wonder who produced this.
Speaker 14:
[32:42] I did, man.
Speaker 1:
[32:43] It was a shit.
Speaker 14:
[32:43] I did all that shit.
Speaker 1:
[32:44] I don't care. Did he's name is all over it.
Speaker 14:
[32:46] I discovered that method man's name is Clifford. I was like, who the fuck is this Clifford guy? He's all over this shit.
Speaker 13:
[32:52] It's Clifford guys everywhere. He's doing the windshield wiper dance. He does the birdman hand rub. He hits a dab.
Speaker 1:
[32:59] This is a get to 90 S movie.
Speaker 13:
[33:02] He's talking into the mic. He's honking at the horn queue. He sees a Tootsie on the street and he slams on the brakes.
Speaker 14:
[33:10] Backs up the bus.
Speaker 13:
[33:11] The picker up should have gone rear ended.
Speaker 1:
[33:13] We see Gabby union. I said an all time Sean Astin, if this happens.
Speaker 14:
[33:18] Oh man.
Speaker 1:
[33:19] If he pulls Gabby union for sure. Well, she's so fine. And he's so fat.
Speaker 13:
[33:25] If he were to pull her, he'd have to do something pretty incredible, right?
Speaker 1:
[33:28] Well dance around her in circles, like a bingo.
Speaker 13:
[33:32] She looks in pain.
Speaker 14:
[33:33] Can I give you a ride? She says the way you drive us at same note, too broad. He proceeds to dance around her. No chance. She entertains this. Then he introduces himself. Hi, I'm Sean Astin. I mean, Ralph Cramden.
Speaker 1:
[33:44] No chance that she's Cedric the entertains us.
Speaker 13:
[33:47] That was good.
Speaker 14:
[33:47] He agrees to take her to Brooklyn.
Speaker 1:
[33:50] If it was good, you would have laughed.
Speaker 13:
[33:51] I didn't laugh. I was trying to validate the joke.
Speaker 1:
[33:54] I don't need your validation.
Speaker 13:
[33:55] But I looked up their age gap because I was curious. And it's kind of amazing to me that he's only eight years older than her. Really?
Speaker 1:
[34:01] I guess she's been around for a while.
Speaker 13:
[34:03] She's playing high schoolers when she's in her mid to late 20s.
Speaker 14:
[34:06] Yes.
Speaker 13:
[34:06] But he also looks old. Yeah. He's only in his early 40s here.
Speaker 14:
[34:10] He's always looked old.
Speaker 1:
[34:12] That's the key.
Speaker 14:
[34:12] He's always looked old and she's always looked young. What? We just said that she played a high schooler as a damn near 30 year old, unlike Snoop.
Speaker 13:
[34:21] I'm not saying she looks like a high schooler. I'm saying she played a high schooler.
Speaker 14:
[34:25] I like who played a 30 year old at 16.
Speaker 13:
[34:28] Now he's waving his hands in her face and she's laughing.
Speaker 1:
[34:31] This is going on for a while.
Speaker 13:
[34:33] Says he's got confidence. He introduced himself, John Ashton operator of this machine. Just here's at the bus and this machine is the eyebrow lick thing himself.
Speaker 1:
[34:44] She's Alice Gibson. She wants to go to Brooklyn. He says he'll take her anywhere from time square.
Speaker 13:
[34:49] How do we know that he knows where he's going? What if he lists off every single borough in New York and neighborhood?
Speaker 1:
[34:55] I'll take you to the moon. Alice, come on. It's better than threatening to beat her out of this world, which is what the Honey Motors TV show did.
Speaker 14:
[35:05] Mayes from Nutty Professor 2.
Speaker 15:
[35:09] Was that supposed to happen?
Speaker 1:
[35:10] Cut to them parked under the Brooklyn Bridge, sitting on the bus, chilling.
Speaker 13:
[35:14] Cue the baby bash.
Speaker 14:
[35:35] We should get a shot of the World Trade Center any minute now. Look at this photograph. I believe they did it, but they muted the lights.
Speaker 1:
[35:42] She hopes he won't lose his job for this. Bus driving is temporary. He's an entrepreneur, and his Y2K Survival Kit will make him a millionaire.
Speaker 13:
[35:49] Lots of fun taglines on this kit. You ain't been watching CNN? Every computer is gonna shut down. He'll get you through it with a check or money order, $29.99 plus shipping and handling, 20 CB.
Speaker 14:
[36:02] He's kinda skeptical, and I said, you know what? I'm not feeling Gabby's skepticism about Y2K. It's Autumn 99. That shit was real, man. I cannot stress this enough to our younger listeners.
Speaker 1:
[36:12] I was a dumb 17-year-old and I didn't believe it was real.
Speaker 14:
[36:15] For real?
Speaker 1:
[36:15] I was not worried about it all.
Speaker 14:
[36:17] I was worried, man.
Speaker 13:
[36:17] It'll be total chaos if Ralph is lucky. She says, I guess my dream is more practical. Oh yeah? Like what?
Speaker 14:
[36:26] Like exposition.
Speaker 13:
[36:27] My own home, Cobra Formula. Nothing fancy, a little place all my own.
Speaker 1:
[36:32] No landlord or haggling with the super to fix the pipes or rent increases, just her name on a deed.
Speaker 13:
[36:38] Guys, renting sucks.
Speaker 14:
[36:39] Yeah. Permanent renter.
Speaker 1:
[36:41] You know why person who commented permanent renter? Cause they live in a real city, not some podunk town in middle America like you.
Speaker 14:
[36:48] I sat there and I thought to myself, how many times, how many dates have I been on where this is the kind of boring exposition I got to listen to, but you have to feign interest. So you go, oh yeah, oh no, I'm like, oh my God, get on with it.
Speaker 1:
[37:03] Just get on with what?
Speaker 14:
[37:05] With whatever she's saying, whatever she's talking about, like, oh, around the pipes and all that, like, I don't give a fuck about any of this.
Speaker 20:
[37:10] To the respect.
Speaker 16:
[37:12] Women, to people respecting women. Okay.
Speaker 13:
[37:16] I like the idea that problems end with home ownership though.
Speaker 1:
[37:20] That's when you're good.
Speaker 13:
[37:20] No problems ever again.
Speaker 1:
[37:22] You never have a problem after that.
Speaker 13:
[37:23] You don't have to pay for anything.
Speaker 14:
[37:24] You don't have to call a landlord, that's for sure, cause guess what? You are the fucking landlord.
Speaker 1:
[37:28] You have to fix this shit.
Speaker 13:
[37:29] She wants to watch her kids play ball in the street. You got kids?
Speaker 14:
[37:33] Ass off for the look she gives them.
Speaker 13:
[37:35] I'm playing.
Speaker 12:
[37:36] I'm joking. I'm joking.
Speaker 1:
[37:38] They're on the verge of the new millennium. Stick with him because he's about to blow up this job. These empty pockets, this waistline gone. One day I'm going to own this town.
Speaker 13:
[37:49] Yells this standing on top of the bus, shouting at the Brooklyn bridge and the moon, cut the six years later.
Speaker 14:
[37:56] Thank you.
Speaker 1:
[37:56] They're together. And arguing.
Speaker 13:
[37:59] Is that what you think? I own this town. Instant callback.
Speaker 1:
[38:02] Get it?
Speaker 13:
[38:03] But it's six years later.
Speaker 1:
[38:04] Asked to talk to the super about the pipes. Oh my God.
Speaker 17:
[38:08] It's a callback.
Speaker 14:
[38:09] Double comedy.
Speaker 1:
[38:10] Today, the Mets are in the seventh game of the world series.
Speaker 17:
[38:13] Hello exposition.
Speaker 1:
[38:14] Sean Aston.
Speaker 14:
[38:15] I wonder if this is around the same time the penguins are in the seventh game of the Stanley cup finals.
Speaker 1:
[38:19] Oh, that's a good question.
Speaker 13:
[38:21] My favorite part about the world series is that he follows it up by saying, and you know this Alice does, but I'm telling you again, cause the camera wasn't here yet.
Speaker 1:
[38:29] You want me to think about plumbing? She turns on the sink. It's rattling. Okay. So it makes a little noise, but so do you. And I've learned to live with that.
Speaker 9:
[38:37] Got her ass banter comedy.
Speaker 13:
[38:39] He's in a call. Norton works in sewers, nose pipes. And by call Norton, he means lean out the window and holler upstairs of my gaps.
Speaker 1:
[38:47] Why would he have to tell her that he works in the sewers? Hello, exposition.
Speaker 13:
[38:53] Yo Norton, what's up with the Mets?
Speaker 18:
[38:55] Because the guys in New York, right?
Speaker 13:
[38:58] Norton drops French toast off his plate and it lands in a baby carriage. Baby crying.
Speaker 1:
[39:03] Baby crying.
Speaker 13:
[39:04] Mike puts his head back inside. Then he tries to tell Cedric a riddle, but he gets cut off.
Speaker 14:
[39:09] He tries to tell him a riddle.
Speaker 13:
[39:11] So he comes down the fire escape into the kitchen.
Speaker 14:
[39:13] Is this Sankrosank as trivia?
Speaker 13:
[39:15] I don't think riddles are Sankrosank.
Speaker 1:
[39:17] Kind of gave me some crossover vibes.
Speaker 14:
[39:18] Me too, that's why I asked if it's Sankrosank.
Speaker 13:
[39:21] It's a similar dynamic, but riddles and trivia are not, yeah, not equal.
Speaker 15:
[39:25] A man was born 1955.
Speaker 13:
[39:27] Today's his 18th birthday.
Speaker 12:
[39:29] How's that possible, huh?
Speaker 15:
[39:32] 1955 is not the year he was born. It's the number of the hospital room he was born in.
Speaker 21:
[39:39] Damn, you smart.
Speaker 13:
[39:40] We get the creaking, sputtering pipes again. Regina comes in with the French toast.
Speaker 14:
[39:45] Trixie makes French toast. That's what the Ed's not on Trim Spa. Trim Spa.
Speaker 13:
[39:50] Reference. Holy shit. Yeah, that took me down a nice little rabbit hole.
Speaker 14:
[39:53] And in the Cole Smith was Trim Spa. Yep.
Speaker 13:
[39:55] And it turns out to be a Fedra and caffeine.
Speaker 1:
[40:00] Tough combo on the heart.
Speaker 13:
[40:02] It's not exactly helping you.
Speaker 14:
[40:03] No, not good.
Speaker 1:
[40:04] Well, it'll kill you.
Speaker 13:
[40:05] It can also be used to make meth.
Speaker 1:
[40:06] Oh, I just finished watching Breaking Bad. Now I'm onto The Sopranos. No one talks about this. It's a great show.
Speaker 8:
[40:14] It's suckmydick.com.
Speaker 14:
[40:16] Thank you. Oh, you got jokes. You just a regular sitcom, huh, Alice?
Speaker 1:
[40:21] UPN sitcom. Yeah. Ed needs to knock through the wall to get the pipes. Ralph says, just fix it. Then he says he's happy for peace and quiet around here. That's when a big hole is in the wall because that's where the pipes are comedy.
Speaker 13:
[40:32] They freak out.
Speaker 14:
[40:33] He's got a point.
Speaker 13:
[40:34] Gab reiterates talking to the landlord. Mike agrees with their much better idea. Mike does his best work down below.
Speaker 14:
[40:40] Trixie agrees to get some sex banter.
Speaker 13:
[40:43] Gabrielle is also interested in the sex banter because she's heard, she knows the deal.
Speaker 14:
[40:47] Gabby says, you ought to have your head examined to said, and said, responds, I'll get it examined anywhere. You know what? They're going to find nothing. But I want to point out my nominee for the Lewis Pinnock accent award is Cedric the entertainer because sometimes he uses this voice right here. I'll get it examined anywhere. And you know what? They're going to find nothing.
Speaker 1:
[41:12] I wondered, does he think he's doing a Ralph Cramden, Jackie Gleason in the Steve Harvey show?
Speaker 14:
[41:21] He plays the gym teacher. You would use that voice when he wanted to sound official to the students. Now boys and girls, when he's hanging out with Steve, come on, dog. He talks in his regular said voice, but according to protocol, he does that kind of voice.
Speaker 1:
[41:36] Not to be rude, I just didn't think, oh, well, he's got a lot of range, so he'd have a lot of different ways of pulling this off. I figured he's got two voices, and this is Ralph Cramden impersonation.
Speaker 14:
[41:45] But he does the same thing that he does in Steve Harvey show, which is go back and forth.
Speaker 1:
[41:48] Again, not a lot of range. He's got two speeds. He also says, take the wife, leave the French toast.
Speaker 13:
[41:54] Reference, we get some exposition.
Speaker 14:
[41:56] Hello exposition.
Speaker 13:
[41:57] That Regina and Gabrielle work at the diner together. They keep arguing over each other.
Speaker 14:
[42:02] Nose to nose.
Speaker 13:
[42:03] They can't take it anymore. And then his watch alarm beeps.
Speaker 1:
[42:06] Time to go off to work.
Speaker 14:
[42:08] Our nose to nose arguments, 20 CB.
Speaker 1:
[42:10] No, because it still happened in baseball.
Speaker 13:
[42:11] He gives him his lunch bag.
Speaker 14:
[42:12] Oh, they love each other.
Speaker 13:
[42:14] This is every day.
Speaker 1:
[42:14] This is not a healthy relationship.
Speaker 13:
[42:17] What do you mean?
Speaker 14:
[42:18] I mean, Zach, hold on now.
Speaker 13:
[42:19] They're the honeymooners.
Speaker 14:
[42:20] Anyone knows now he's driving the bus. He gets cut off by Queen Latifah trying to prove she could ride the Brooklyn. No, that fucking bell. Minaj.
Speaker 1:
[42:29] No.
Speaker 14:
[42:29] Oh, come on.
Speaker 1:
[42:30] He's just you two diddling each other. I'm not in there.
Speaker 13:
[42:32] Whoa. For once.
Speaker 14:
[42:35] Indian guy from office space gets on the bus. His name is Vivek Rana Devey.
Speaker 8:
[42:38] Oh, no.
Speaker 13:
[42:40] He points it's a drink. The Mets are going all the way. An old white lady wonders if he has a wager on the game tonight.
Speaker 14:
[42:46] The oldest woman in New York city.
Speaker 13:
[42:48] Absolutely.
Speaker 14:
[42:49] He is ancient.
Speaker 13:
[42:50] The pigeon lady's grandmother.
Speaker 1:
[42:51] Yes, he does, but it's taken advantage of certain economic opportunities. Or as my investment guru, Mark Roberts says, kick open the door and opportunity. Don't have to knock Bart Roberts from his book.
Speaker 13:
[43:04] Let's all get rich, which is a 20 CBS title ass off on the cover of that book, but Robert's absolutely. I love Robert's.
Speaker 14:
[43:13] Would you take life advice from someone named Bart?
Speaker 1:
[43:15] No, never once.
Speaker 13:
[43:17] There's no way you could be a get rich, quick guy and have the absolute cul-de-sac hairline that he had.
Speaker 14:
[43:24] Well, hold on only in the 20 CB, man. There you go. I'm about to say 20 CB is all right.
Speaker 1:
[43:29] Kick open the door and opportunity doesn't have to knock.
Speaker 14:
[43:31] Yeah.
Speaker 1:
[43:32] But isn't opportunity knocking at your door? Why would you kick open your door?
Speaker 14:
[43:37] Why would your dad know?
Speaker 13:
[43:38] Zach, you see opportunity is outside your door. You got to kick the door down and flatten the opportunity waiting there.
Speaker 14:
[43:46] Rucking opportunity about to knock.
Speaker 1:
[43:48] Kicking my door open. It's hitting opportunity in the face.
Speaker 13:
[43:53] Opportunity will never see you coming, but they're coming to me, but you don't know when they're going to get here.
Speaker 14:
[43:57] You got to take the offensive. Zach, you're waiting. You got to pounce.
Speaker 13:
[44:01] Why you got to take control of this situation. It means exactly right.
Speaker 1:
[44:04] Opportunity is trying to help me. I'm not kidnapping opportunity.
Speaker 14:
[44:09] Not with one P, you're not.
Speaker 13:
[44:10] Quick little Q's diner montage, pink outfits. Q calls them over. They give them an eye roll.
Speaker 1:
[44:16] This guy is like Macy.
Speaker 14:
[44:18] He's ass off, but he's also super duper creepy. The way he unveils the new uniform, it's like Taffer in the relaunch.
Speaker 1:
[44:27] Same note too.
Speaker 14:
[44:28] Approachable sexuality.
Speaker 13:
[44:29] Is that vinyl or latex?
Speaker 1:
[44:32] I think it's latex or plastic.
Speaker 13:
[44:34] Shiny pink, glossy outfits. The tag says fetish. Oh, there's a delightful detail or didn't see that.
Speaker 14:
[44:42] He says, you don't like it. Gabby says no. And Trixie says, but I like the neckline. And then Gabby hits her golden dumpster health inspectors coming soon.
Speaker 13:
[44:51] Got to keep everything clean. Dumps the coffee on it and slides right off. Just like my short set. Really waterproof. Was it 98% polyester better be waterproof.
Speaker 1:
[45:00] My short set still has not arrived still.
Speaker 9:
[45:04] I got robbed.
Speaker 14:
[45:05] Marty McFly is in there. He orders an egg white omelet and a clean glass of water. Gabby tells them they don't separate eggs and that's as clean of water as he's going to get. This is a battle of 21st century man at 20th century bitch. Folks.
Speaker 1:
[45:18] It sure is.
Speaker 13:
[45:19] Mr. Business says, by all means, bring me whatever's convenient for you. Regina is already defied. I'm going to take her heel off. And then old lady miss Benvenuti comes in.
Speaker 14:
[45:29] It's a scared librarian from the beginning of ghostbusters.
Speaker 13:
[45:33] You guys are unscarrable casual exposition that mr. Business is buying her house.
Speaker 1:
[45:39] Mr. Experience.
Speaker 13:
[45:40] She can't take the winners anymore. Mr. Business and his company are buying it. Those dismisses her to go cook something. But now Regina wants that duplex. They want to raise kids. Everything's expensive. Mr. Business.
Speaker 1:
[45:55] Yeah, it is kind of wish you hadn't dropped out of high school right about now. Huh?
Speaker 14:
[45:58] Marty McFly is an asshole.
Speaker 13:
[46:00] Oh, mr. Business.
Speaker 14:
[46:02] He tells him still ignoring you hand to the face horseman. 20 CB is winning. 21st century man is getting roasted.
Speaker 1:
[46:09] Ralph sneaks home, brings in a box, skills, go Mets to Ed. Now they're watching together. Girls get home as they're talking.
Speaker 14:
[46:16] What are they watching? Zach game seven of the world series with the Mets in the seventh game of the world series.
Speaker 13:
[46:22] Bottom of the ninth, two outs down four to three.
Speaker 1:
[46:25] I wonder if Mike Cameron is going to knock it out of the park.
Speaker 13:
[46:29] Ladies come home excited with news, but the guys are locked in on the game. We don't bother you when you're watching your stories. 20 CB.
Speaker 14:
[46:37] So the girls came home with pot lift off.
Speaker 13:
[46:39] Cedric insists he's a businessman, not a gambler. They can't stop talking.
Speaker 1:
[46:45] They need 20 K for a down payment on the duplex. They only have two weeks. They have five K saved. And Alison Ralph had 5,300, right?
Speaker 14:
[46:53] Sean, Aston, Ted Aston, the whole Aston family have arrived to dig a pool, Aston Martin, 20 grand down payment.
Speaker 13:
[47:02] Yeah.
Speaker 14:
[47:02] Same day.
Speaker 13:
[47:03] Well, I mean, it's 1950. Yeah.
Speaker 1:
[47:05] Well, yeah.
Speaker 13:
[47:07] The Mets are about to win the world series. It's 1950.
Speaker 20:
[47:10] Oh yeah. Okay.
Speaker 1:
[47:10] Yeah.
Speaker 13:
[47:11] Then maybe Mike Cameron foul ball. They freak out full count. Gabrielle wonders about their savings account. Cedric says give or take Maybe you took money out. Maybe someone has a birthday coming up and maybe I'm trying to surprise her.
Speaker 14:
[47:24] Maybe blew some of the savings.
Speaker 13:
[47:25] My birthday is at eight months, Ralph.
Speaker 1:
[47:27] Ed Butters, he doesn't know what she's talking about.
Speaker 13:
[47:28] They see the box in the kitchen. Mike Cameron hits a deep ball to left. It's out of here. Home run.
Speaker 1:
[47:34] Sean Astin.
Speaker 13:
[47:35] Mets win.
Speaker 1:
[47:36] Sean Astin.
Speaker 13:
[47:37] Mike trips over the couch and eats shit. And in his concussed stupor, he says, Mets.
Speaker 14:
[47:43] The Mets.
Speaker 1:
[47:44] Oh, Mets ears.
Speaker 14:
[47:45] Comedy.
Speaker 13:
[47:46] They celebrate. They're dancing. They don't open the boxes.
Speaker 1:
[47:49] There's money in them.
Speaker 15:
[47:51] Money ears. Money in these boxes, baby.
Speaker 18:
[47:53] Money, money, money.
Speaker 15:
[47:54] Money for anything you want. Money for the house.
Speaker 8:
[47:56] Money for anything.
Speaker 15:
[47:57] You gotta be fast on your feet to make it in this world. You know what I'm saying? When I'm the first one to hit the streets with this stuff, yeah, I'm gonna make a fortune.
Speaker 2:
[48:04] What stuff, man?
Speaker 15:
[48:05] Mets stuff.
Speaker 2:
[48:06] Official merchandise.
Speaker 15:
[48:08] Rob met a guy on the bus who gave him a Godfather deal. Yeah, that's right.
Speaker 19:
[48:12] Godfather deal.
Speaker 15:
[48:15] What?
Speaker 13:
[48:15] I don't even know.
Speaker 14:
[48:16] Maybe this is how they did in the fifties. They waited to see one and then they printed the shirts.
Speaker 13:
[48:21] It's a lime green t-shirt with a teddy bear on it. Tries the next box. It's knit beanies. This is beyond idiocy.
Speaker 1:
[48:30] Mike up says must be a throwback. I chuckled.
Speaker 14:
[48:33] Disembodied voice, golden dumpster, yes.
Speaker 13:
[48:35] Let's go through all of his mistakes in the past.
Speaker 7:
[48:38] Why?
Speaker 21:
[48:39] You know, why you had to know better?
Speaker 15:
[48:41] This would have been big money, baby. I mean, I was investing in your future.
Speaker 21:
[48:47] Really? Like the time you invested $900 to market the, oh, the pet cactus.
Speaker 15:
[48:54] Hey, a couple of kids get poked in the eye and get cornea colitis and ruin it for everybody? Yeah. That's not my fault.
Speaker 21:
[49:00] Oh, my personal favorite, the velour fanny pack.
Speaker 15:
[49:05] That's a man purse. And I was this close to getting Al Roker to wear one on the Today Show, wasn't I? He sure was. He was this close. I was with him today.
Speaker 8:
[49:13] You're not helping, Ed.
Speaker 1:
[49:14] $900 for the pet cactus doesn't seem bad.
Speaker 14:
[49:17] No, but it's the 1950s, Zach.
Speaker 1:
[49:19] What year is it as a horseman?
Speaker 13:
[49:21] I think 20 CB covers it. It could be any time of the 20 CB.
Speaker 8:
[49:25] Listen, Alice, we'll get the money for the house somehow. No, we won't.
Speaker 21:
[49:31] It's always going to be like this, Trix. Living paycheck to paycheck, hand to mouth, never having anything to call our own. But no, you know what? Hey, it's cool, right? Cause most people in the world live like this, right?
Speaker 19:
[49:44] Just didn't think it'd be so hard.
Speaker 15:
[49:47] Alice, Alice, come on.
Speaker 13:
[49:49] Door slams, Cedric and Mike are walking the streets. Mets fans celebrating. We get some walk and talk.
Speaker 1:
[49:54] Hello, expositions.
Speaker 13:
[49:55] Cedric says, I know you think I have the perfect relationship, but the truth is we don't always get along.
Speaker 1:
[50:01] I never noticed that.
Speaker 14:
[50:02] Oh, I call this helpful exposition. Cause I needed to know that their marriage is on the rocks.
Speaker 13:
[50:08] Oh, you couldn't tell.
Speaker 1:
[50:09] She's mad, but she'll get over it. She wasn't mad. Mad. You get over mad. I can handle. I know how to deal with mad. Just say a line once. What? But the look she had on her face, it was like, she was disappointed in me. Like she didn't believe in me anymore. How do you come back from that? Sure. That you're sorry. Buyer asked something. With what? I'm broke. It does a guy selling gold Cadillac spinners. They don't have a car. He knows a dude who sells hearing aids. Let's go shoot some pool.
Speaker 13:
[50:33] Mike doesn't like to brainstorm around him because he's very critical. They argue about who gets to break for pool. This goes on for a very long time.
Speaker 1:
[50:41] They'll flip for a whole lot of comedy.
Speaker 13:
[50:44] They argue about who flips the coin. Yes. Then they argue about who gets to call heads. Then Cedric shouts, Mike's going to break. The most ridiculous man I ever met. Maybe so, but I'm breaking. It takes a sweet ass time lining up the shot. He's getting ready. We need a pitch clock.
Speaker 1:
[51:00] It's a 90 right when he's about to go.
Speaker 13:
[51:02] Cedric shouts, Mike shanks it. It ricochets and hits a guy in the head slowly falls. That dude's pissed. It's on cut to outside the bars.
Speaker 14:
[51:10] They get beat up and thrown out Mike's phone rings and it is an art.
Speaker 13:
[51:14] So as a ringtone, was it a sidekick? I couldn't quite see.
Speaker 14:
[51:18] No way. You got this guy with a sidekick.
Speaker 13:
[51:20] That was horizontal maze.
Speaker 14:
[51:22] They didn't have sidekicks in the fifties.
Speaker 13:
[51:24] Well, they did. My caps is a sidekick.
Speaker 1:
[51:26] Ed gets a call about a major backup of the sewer system. He's a specialist like being a brain surgeon or Spider-Man. Spider-Man would have got his beat down and thrown out of the pool hall tricks. He shows up to cheer up Alice by wearing all of her Ralph gear.
Speaker 14:
[51:38] God, I love her.
Speaker 13:
[51:39] A rain umbrella, Kangol, a velour fanny pack, a baby cactus. And you know, I wear it 24 seven cause rain and got no schedule.
Speaker 14:
[51:48] She encourages Gabby to accept her man trying. And I said, marry me Trixie.
Speaker 1:
[51:52] All I got to do is try cut to the men in the sewer, trying to fix a pipe.
Speaker 13:
[51:56] Cedric is there for some reason.
Speaker 1:
[51:58] Why is he allowed to be there?
Speaker 14:
[51:59] Well, I mean, who's going to stop them?
Speaker 13:
[52:00] They have a visitor sewer outfit.
Speaker 14:
[52:03] Yeah.
Speaker 13:
[52:04] It's orange.
Speaker 1:
[52:05] How long would that take to get that long?
Speaker 13:
[52:07] The wardrobe in this movie is crazy. Yeah.
Speaker 14:
[52:09] You think this is bad. I mean, it's going to take till the end of the movie.
Speaker 13:
[52:11] Oh my God. Tip of the iceberg right now.
Speaker 1:
[52:13] It's the whole reason he did the movie. So he wore that dumb ass fucking outfit with the hat and then the yellow suit.
Speaker 13:
[52:18] By dumb ass fucking outfit, you mean his personal collection?
Speaker 14:
[52:21] I've always wanted to wear a minus hat.
Speaker 1:
[52:23] You've always what?
Speaker 14:
[52:24] Nothing. Nothing. Keep moving.
Speaker 13:
[52:27] He's straining with the wrench. She shuts it off. Everyone celebrates and high fives. They climb up a ladder. They're going the scenic route.
Speaker 17:
[52:33] Hello, exposition.
Speaker 13:
[52:34] The New York City sewer system is 6,600 miles city beneath the city. He flips a breaker and reveals the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles lair.
Speaker 14:
[52:44] Yes.
Speaker 13:
[52:45] Master Splinter's train car.
Speaker 14:
[52:47] Same note too, bro. When said says we're lost, aren't we? He over and unseats the fuck out of it.
Speaker 13:
[52:55] It sounds like you're trying to do Cedric the Entertainer, Gerard Butler.
Speaker 1:
[52:59] It does sound like that. Oh, yeah, I think we're lost in this sewer.
Speaker 14:
[53:03] It sounds like DJ Khaled. They didn't want us. I guess that is kind of like Gerard Butler.
Speaker 13:
[53:09] The train car has mahogany paneling and velvet curtains. And I said, okay, maybe this is Artemis Gordon's train from wild, wild west mahogany.
Speaker 14:
[53:19] Who wouldn't want to own their own train car? I said, I hate that me and Cedric had the same realization at the same time.
Speaker 13:
[53:24] Mike Jester's at the bell and says, solid brass. City's auctioning it off. Who would want to own one? And then we get this way over the top music sting.
Speaker 15:
[53:37] Do it. But it's, this is it. What's it? We buy the train.
Speaker 13:
[53:44] To indicate Cedric's big idea, which is we buy the train.
Speaker 1:
[53:47] I had the thought, which apparently was Fortune telling, how are you getting that thing out there? I was like, oh, it must obviously have an exit.
Speaker 13:
[53:54] We call it fortune telling. Some people call it common sense. He wants to turn it into a tour bus, new engine, wheels, paint, give tours of New York city. And Mike Epps thinks that tours make a lot of money. I hope Alice doesn't have to keep track of all the clocks in New York city won't be able to get that duplex, but soon we can buy him a palace. Is it supposed to be funny and charming? How fucking dumb this dude is. You've got a golden opportunity to buy real estate and you're going to buy a fucking train car in New York city. High five. Mike's waiting for the behind the back, but Cedric has walked away.
Speaker 1:
[54:25] Cut to the auction. Ed wants to do another riddle. Ralph says not now. He's a fellow investor type.
Speaker 14:
[54:30] How are they buying this shit again?
Speaker 13:
[54:32] They have savings.
Speaker 1:
[54:33] Well, Ed has savings.
Speaker 13:
[54:34] Yeah.
Speaker 14:
[54:34] This blew his money.
Speaker 13:
[54:36] Well, I guess we don't know, but he at one point had 5,000 in savings and he used all the Mets gear. I don't think he used it all. He said give or take.
Speaker 1:
[54:42] Well, he was lying.
Speaker 13:
[54:44] Okay. Well he does buy the train car. So he's got to have something.
Speaker 14:
[54:47] I think with Ed's money, if you know you can't compete, you may have to practice the seat that comes from Bart. What's his name's book?
Speaker 13:
[54:53] Or Robert Takahashi is using a big ass magnifying glass to examine the photos. He's looking at that solid brass bell very closely. He's looking at the train ID number. The drink approaches calls it a very fine train, introduces himself. They exchange business cards and Cedric's is shitty.
Speaker 1:
[55:13] He's going to show him the train right outside the door and he pushes them out as the bidding begins and he's holding him. He bids $1,000 Takahashi from behind the door says 2,000 Ralph somehow gets it for 3,500 guys.
Speaker 14:
[55:26] The auction does not go the way they wanted. No, but not before some gong-worthy karate by Mike Epps.
Speaker 1:
[55:32] We get the purple belt. He does some hand motions, accidentally slaps himself in the face. Colmody cut to Trixie and Alice walking down the street.
Speaker 13:
[55:38] Mr. Business rolls up on the ladies in a Benz SUV. He wants to make amends.
Speaker 14:
[55:45] That's the M class. And that was a barely new, oh boy, yeah, the M class at the streets. That's some rule.
Speaker 13:
[55:51] Developing 15 affordable units on that property. You'll save them a big fat sunny corner unit for each of them. I'm a fun landlord. I'm Mr. Business.
Speaker 1:
[56:00] It doesn't make any sense. He's developing the whole block. They won't do it. Cut to Ralph and Ed having a guy inspect the train car. He has all the stuff to turn into a first rate tour bus.
Speaker 14:
[56:09] They're dressed like train engineers from like the 1800s.
Speaker 13:
[56:13] They're dumbass train conductor caps.
Speaker 14:
[56:16] With the pinstripes and the overalls and the stupid ass hat.
Speaker 13:
[56:19] Wardrobe. They buy this train and they're buying more wardrobe to go along with it.
Speaker 14:
[56:24] Horseman.
Speaker 1:
[56:25] Horse, it's a horseman.
Speaker 13:
[56:26] Their friend Lenny from Gili is checking out the train, says it's not bad.
Speaker 1:
[56:30] What happens in Gili? Are there any lines from Gili or?
Speaker 8:
[56:33] It's suckmydick.com.
Speaker 13:
[56:35] Lenny wonders how they'll get it out. They only have 20 feet of track. They're 60 feet below street level. It's going to cost a fortune to move it. And the baseline from For The Love Of Money starts playing, and Morgan Freeman starts singing it to himself about how he's making all these has fallen movies.
Speaker 1:
[56:51] Ralph is Gladys Knight without the pips. What?
Speaker 13:
[56:54] Back to driving the bus. Old lady riding by herself. A lot of double shifts.
Speaker 15:
[56:59] Really?
Speaker 13:
[57:01] What's your poison?
Speaker 15:
[57:02] Gambling?
Speaker 13:
[57:03] Drink?
Speaker 15:
[57:05] Hose? Oh, no. No, no, none of that. Just work myself into a jam, trying to get along a little better.
Speaker 13:
[57:14] And this is when I knew I was in trouble because this is more or less the same premise as the old lady from Tommy Boy talking about when the whores come in and I didn't laugh at all.
Speaker 1:
[57:24] Well, it's a way worse version of it.
Speaker 13:
[57:26] It's way worse.
Speaker 14:
[57:27] May I need you to clip it, but substitute me. So you hose, put that in instead of her hose.
Speaker 13:
[57:33] I popped when I saw a Pepsi edge product placement ad, a lot of Pepsi billboards and product placement in this movie. No Coke.
Speaker 1:
[57:41] No, this is a Pepsi movie.
Speaker 9:
[57:42] I don't remember Pepsi edge was there edgy.
Speaker 13:
[57:45] It never left the cockpit.
Speaker 14:
[57:47] 50% less sugar.
Speaker 13:
[57:48] You got to look at the bottle though.
Speaker 14:
[57:50] No, come on.
Speaker 1:
[57:50] You don't remember Pepsi edge.
Speaker 9:
[57:52] No, I don't cut to the end of the shift.
Speaker 1:
[57:54] He's tired. We got exposition from Ralph to Eddie worked for double shifts this week. Damn Ralph. We need to pimp some OPS. You know what I mean?
Speaker 14:
[58:01] I lied. I said said walks fatly from the bus He's doing the little rocker.
Speaker 13:
[58:08] Then corrected a dumpster bangs and Russell's golden dumpster.
Speaker 1:
[58:13] They hear a dog in a bag.
Speaker 13:
[58:16] A bunch of debris is coming down the chute. So they pulled out just in time. It fell out of the back of a station wagon that Stephen Seagal was following around down and then somebody threw it in a dumpster. They pulled out just in time. Mike's going to clean them up, get them a rhinestone collar and call him Iggy Iggy. Perfect name for a dog in the hood, Cobra formula.
Speaker 14:
[58:38] He wants to call Mondraig with dollar cut to nighttime at home.
Speaker 1:
[58:40] You can hear the dog in the background. Alice couldn't sleep because of it. Ralph says she's probably imagining things. These double shifts are killing them. Exposition.
Speaker 13:
[58:48] Every L wants the house re exposition that they need it by next Monday or else Mr. Business is going to buy it.
Speaker 1:
[58:56] She's going to ask her mom for the money 10 K. It's all they need.
Speaker 13:
[58:59] Right?
Speaker 14:
[59:00] Said, keeping the secret about the train with his ass fully on.
Speaker 13:
[59:03] He whispers loudly to himself. I guess if I hadn't spent the rest of it on the train and I hate to do it this early, but phobe man, what you can't do that. You can't have him loudly whisper exposition to himself and then pretend that she misunderstood him.
Speaker 1:
[59:20] We got to break down the script writing. But Mayes, what about comedy?
Speaker 13:
[59:24] What's funny about that?
Speaker 1:
[59:25] The fact that he would say it out loud. Yeah.
Speaker 13:
[59:28] Cause he's a fucking idiot.
Speaker 1:
[59:30] He says, I was just kind of adding up in my brain. She wants him to go by and see the house. Ed already's been, he says, he'll go. The dog keeps barking, cut to Ed and Ralph walking the dog. They're talking about getting the train out of the sewer. How much you don't want to know Cobra formula.
Speaker 13:
[59:44] Also, they don't want to tell us cut to the park montage time. People break dancing, camera pans over, to Sed and Mike B-boying.
Speaker 1:
[60:05] Get to 90.
Speaker 14:
[60:07] I thought it was break the fourth wall time, because this motherfucker goes apeshit breaking fourth wall right here in this scene.
Speaker 13:
[60:14] Now they're in orange Brooklyn Youth Club shirts going door to door.
Speaker 1:
[60:17] Now they're pretending to be blind. They're no Kerry Washington.
Speaker 14:
[60:21] Now he's calling old debts.
Speaker 13:
[60:23] Both of them are riding one bicycle, throwing newspapers, 20 CB, metal detectors in the park, 20 CB.
Speaker 14:
[60:38] River dancing on the break dancing cardboard. The dog is wearing sunglasses because now the dog is blind too. We're breaking fourth wall some more.
Speaker 1:
[60:47] Cause an old day is supposed to go Dutch, but he paid.
Speaker 13:
[60:50] They're working on scratchers only to reveal at least a hundred of them in a pile at their feet.
Speaker 14:
[60:56] All the scratchers.
Speaker 13:
[60:57] So that's anything they made and probably some extra money doing the worm.
Speaker 1:
[61:01] Now they take a bow with the money in the hat from the dancing. It falls out and the crowd grabs it and everyone robs them. Cut to the four of them going to the park with the dog wardrobe.
Speaker 13:
[61:12] It's mostly Regina, but Mike also wardrobe. Mike is lying about Iggy, the dog.
Speaker 14:
[61:20] Regina wants to name the dog Patches or Hoolahan.
Speaker 13:
[61:23] The Drake exposition about Gab's mom coming. Mike's going to wear his ref jersey because they fight a lot. Get it?
Speaker 14:
[61:29] We got a bitch mother-in-law income.
Speaker 1:
[61:31] Oh, plans on asking for money. You didn't tell her about the train money.
Speaker 15:
[61:35] No, it's been my experience that too much honesty can ruin a good relationship.
Speaker 13:
[61:41] Put that for Amin for the rest of time.
Speaker 14:
[61:45] Same note too, bro.
Speaker 13:
[61:47] Wow, you didn't tell her about the train? That's crazy.
Speaker 15:
[61:50] Look at them over there. What do you think they're talking about? Us, bad weaves, fake Louis Vuitton purses.
Speaker 5:
[61:58] I mean, what do they always talk about?
Speaker 6:
[62:00] Let's say the conforming interest rate is 6.5 percent at one and a half points.
Speaker 21:
[62:04] Does that leave us room for a two-one buy down?
Speaker 6:
[62:06] I don't think you'd want to do that in the first three years, but we could always run the numbers.
Speaker 21:
[62:11] Look at them over there.
Speaker 17:
[62:14] What do you think they're talking about?
Speaker 21:
[62:15] Well, you know how men are. They'd like us to believe they're over there talking about religion or politics or economic injustice. You know, all they really care about is.
Speaker 15:
[62:24] Beyonce is more peach-shaped, like the way Chaka Khan used to be back in the day. Chaka Khan used to be built like a bleach bottle back in the day.
Speaker 13:
[62:33] This was funny to me, Golden Dumpster. What are women talking about? What are men talking about?
Speaker 14:
[62:38] They called this what men wants position.
Speaker 1:
[62:40] None of this was funny.
Speaker 13:
[62:41] Iggy comes back with a rope tied around his neck. That's the leash they're using. And Cedric is impressed. The dog can run.
Speaker 14:
[62:48] He sees the dog run once. Yeah, that's it. Let's get into dog racing.
Speaker 13:
[62:52] Let's get the music sting to let us know that he's got another dumb ass idea.
Speaker 14:
[62:56] Is that a horseman?
Speaker 1:
[62:57] Yeah. Music sting is a horseman.
Speaker 13:
[62:59] Norton. That's it. We race Andre Iguodala.
Speaker 8:
[63:03] Norton.
Speaker 13:
[63:03] Hold on. Will you give that to me? Yes, to our butler, Zach.
Speaker 8:
[63:06] Norton.
Speaker 14:
[63:07] Let me do mine.
Speaker 1:
[63:08] I'm so good at that.
Speaker 14:
[63:09] Norton. Come on, Norton.
Speaker 6:
[63:16] K-pop demon hunters Saja Boys' breakfast meal and Huntrix meal have just dropped at McDonald's. They're calling this a battle for the fans. What do you say to that, Rumi? It's not a battle.
Speaker 9:
[63:25] So glad the Saja Boys could take breakfast and give our meal the rest of the day.
Speaker 14:
[63:29] It is an honor to share.
Speaker 6:
[63:31] No, it's our honor.
Speaker 14:
[63:33] It is our larger honor.
Speaker 17:
[63:35] No, really, stop.
Speaker 6:
[63:37] You can really feel the respect in this battle. Pick a meal to pick a side.
Speaker 8:
[63:42] Ba-da-ba-ba-ba.
Speaker 3:
[63:43] I participate in McDonald's while supplies last. Marvel Television's Wonder Man, an eight-episode series, now streaming on Disney+.
Speaker 10:
[63:52] A superhero remake. Not exactly what we'd expect from an Oscar-winning director.
Speaker 8:
[63:55] Action!
Speaker 3:
[63:56] Simon Williams audition for Wonder Man.
Speaker 5:
[64:00] I'm going to need you to sign this. Assuming you don't have superpowers.
Speaker 3:
[64:06] I'll never work again if anyone found out.
Speaker 5:
[64:08] My lips are sealed.
Speaker 3:
[64:10] Marvel Television's Wonder Man, all eight episodes now streaming only on Disney+.
Speaker 1:
[64:16] They're at the racetrack now because it's 1950, 2005. I don't know. Can't get their stories straight on how long they've been racing Greyhounds 11 years, but six times. Those are dog years.
Speaker 14:
[64:26] The five worst liars.
Speaker 1:
[64:27] Ed's father used to train neglected Chihuahuas.
Speaker 13:
[64:29] They keep lying and contradicting each other. Polito doesn't care. He's never heard of them. Cedric says they have been exclusively racing in Argentina.
Speaker 1:
[64:37] I've seen them on Telemundo. I didn't know they raced dogs in Argentina. Yeah. Ever since the shot took over the shot of Argentina, they want to race in this weekend, but it's the track's anniversary Derby. Sign us up, 20K at Stake.
Speaker 14:
[64:50] $20,000? American dollars? I do this bit, but usually I do it in the negative. When someone tells me something cost something, I say, American dollars? I never say it in the positive when someone's about to pay me.
Speaker 13:
[65:02] There's an extensive screening process. Who's his sire? His what?
Speaker 14:
[65:05] What's a sire?
Speaker 13:
[65:06] His damn, his damn what?
Speaker 14:
[65:08] My damn who?
Speaker 19:
[65:09] My damn foot's caught in the door.
Speaker 2:
[65:11] That's an old joke.
Speaker 8:
[65:12] I won't even look at me.
Speaker 14:
[65:13] I'm trying.
Speaker 18:
[65:15] I don't know all the good things, you know.
Speaker 14:
[65:17] Damn what?
Speaker 1:
[65:17] Who's on first?
Speaker 13:
[65:18] His lineage?
Speaker 14:
[65:19] Are you talking about his tailor? You don't wear clothes. I laughed.
Speaker 13:
[65:22] Toledo agrees to give him a time trial tomorrow. Who's his trainer?
Speaker 1:
[65:26] I don't need trainers. He's housebroken. He needs a trainer. Get Dodge.
Speaker 13:
[65:29] I can dodge.
Speaker 14:
[65:30] Yeah, same note too.
Speaker 1:
[65:31] He's the guy for you. Cut to the pest. Siphoning gas from a car tank.
Speaker 14:
[65:35] He's not siphoning gas. Oh, he's sucking. He's sucking.
Speaker 8:
[65:39] He's suckmydick.com.
Speaker 14:
[65:41] Absolutely.
Speaker 1:
[65:42] He's sucking.
Speaker 13:
[65:44] Thanks for these photos. I mean, I really appreciate it.
Speaker 1:
[65:46] Oh boy.
Speaker 13:
[65:47] He sees them. He walks over. He asks if they're socially...
Speaker 14:
[65:51] Zach looks like he's siphoning the hell out of some gas.
Speaker 1:
[65:54] I guess.
Speaker 17:
[65:56] Oh, that's cool, man, because I'm a K9 behaviorist. I train, board, and breed Greyhounds. I specialize in temperamentally un-sound, psychologically unstable, genetic throwbacks. I do not pick up excreta. And I run out of my facilities right out of this place.
Speaker 15:
[66:10] It says here you sell time shares in the Poconos.
Speaker 17:
[66:13] What? Let me see that. Oh, yeah, my bad, man, man. Wrong car, man. Importifications, underage male auto-prides. What? SNM fashion consultant. You know what? We don't need cars, man. We don't need cars with dog people. We got a bond, a fellowship. Hey, look at the dog. Look at him. Seems really bright, alert.
Speaker 13:
[66:31] He's fucking Teddy Rexing his ass off.
Speaker 14:
[66:34] Oh my gosh.
Speaker 13:
[66:34] All right, then Dodge asks about the rope leash.
Speaker 1:
[66:37] You carry your dog around on a rope? You siphon gas out of a car. You're a cashier.
Speaker 13:
[66:41] All right, then Dodge says it's his friend's car. Yada, yada, blazy, blazy.
Speaker 1:
[66:46] He'll train the dog, 500 cash. Let them think about it. Okay, they'll do it.
Speaker 14:
[66:49] Does this guy look like a dog trainer to you? I don't know. What does a dog trainer look like?
Speaker 1:
[66:54] Good point.
Speaker 13:
[66:54] So they decide to trust John Polito, the slimy owner of a dog track. Well, he says this guy's legit. So it must be legit. We are no shit, but that guy told us to do it. So let's do it. They give him 500 bucks.
Speaker 14:
[67:08] No bad dogs, only bad owners. That's good to know.
Speaker 1:
[67:12] I agree with that.
Speaker 13:
[67:13] Cedric gets excited when he sees his fanny pack. Nice man purse. I then Dodge bought it off an unhoused gentleman in a seven 11 parking lot for a quarter.
Speaker 1:
[67:22] Some sucker made like a thousand of these.
Speaker 13:
[67:24] They're a partnership. Now Minaja note you put in capital. I put in experience.
Speaker 1:
[67:29] Then you get the experience. I keep the capital. Is that cool? He likes to work at night. Too many people, too many dogs during the day meet at nine sharp. No bad dogs. Just bad owners cut to dinner at home. And mom shows up guys.
Speaker 14:
[67:40] I don't think Gabby's mom likes that very much.
Speaker 1:
[67:42] I don't think she likes anything.
Speaker 13:
[67:43] Somewhere around the third flight of stairs. I think I got TB 1950.
Speaker 18:
[67:50] Oh no, not the DB.
Speaker 1:
[67:52] He did bring pie and Francia.
Speaker 13:
[67:55] Okay. Now we're getting back at the nineties. And she's taking back what's left over. She doesn't want to see Cedric. He lives here. Not for long. If Jesus would quit making movies and answer the prayers of a righteous woman. And I wondered, is this a passion of the Christ joke?
Speaker 14:
[68:11] I think so.
Speaker 13:
[68:12] Certainly of the time Cedric gets home to the song seconds of pleasure soundtrack exposition. He leans down to kiss what he thinks is Gabrielle on the couch behind a magazine film.
Speaker 14:
[68:25] He can't tell the difference about the body. How big was that magazine?
Speaker 13:
[68:29] Couldn't see it behind the couch.
Speaker 14:
[68:31] You lead over. He closed his eyes.
Speaker 13:
[68:33] He was already eyes closed going in. Mama calls Cedric a pervert. One day you're going to push me too far. Only thing that could push you is a bulldozer got his ass fat banter. Gabrielle tries to defuse, give Cedric a stare down. Even though Cedric gave exposition to Mike that they were having this dinner tonight, he already forgot about it. CT5 worst liar. He says he and Mike have to go to the lodge.
Speaker 14:
[69:00] What is this? The Flintstones? And then Gabby says, the lodge? What are you Fred Flintstone? I said, whoa, I had the same note too, Gabby.
Speaker 13:
[69:09] Woman, I got somewhere to be. This guy sucks. Refuses to lose the house over another half ass scheme. This country was built on half ass schemes. Well, he's right.
Speaker 14:
[69:19] Got a point there.
Speaker 13:
[69:20] Real inventive stuff. Like the guy who came up with the thong. Okay. He's wrong again. He was short on material and he used what he had. Comedy. She doesn't care. She wants him on his best behavior.
Speaker 14:
[69:29] Since he's a dog in the window, he has to think of a good lie to get out of this. So he says, how about I go get the entrees?
Speaker 1:
[69:36] Entrees?
Speaker 13:
[69:38] You going to France for those? And she laughs at her own joke, says the mama.
Speaker 14:
[69:42] Golden dumpster for mother-in-law.
Speaker 13:
[69:43] Lewis Pinnock as well.
Speaker 14:
[69:45] No, because the reason she says entrees because he Lewis Pinnock when he said, how about I go get the entrees?
Speaker 13:
[69:52] He said in that stupid ass voice, loudly expositioning in the kitchen with Mike. Can't have Gabrielle deposit money because that's the only way she will know how much money is in their bank account.
Speaker 1:
[70:04] Cause it's 1950s.
Speaker 13:
[70:06] Cause it's 1950.
Speaker 1:
[70:07] We got to break down the script writing.
Speaker 13:
[70:09] Mama is cracking herself up about Cedric eating all their dinners.
Speaker 14:
[70:12] She's ass off.
Speaker 13:
[70:13] She is ass off.
Speaker 1:
[70:14] When you hit plate, stop. That's funny.
Speaker 13:
[70:18] Cedric loads up for chicken with cayenne pepper.
Speaker 14:
[70:21] Yeah.
Speaker 13:
[70:21] Then mama switches plates with Gabrielle.
Speaker 9:
[70:24] Oh mother Gibson.
Speaker 14:
[70:26] This is free range chicken. What a chicken does on his free time is don't never mind to me.
Speaker 13:
[70:31] Cedric then swaps with Gabrielle.
Speaker 14:
[70:33] They all switcheroo.
Speaker 13:
[70:34] He reluctantly eats the cayenne chicken first. Just don't eat it. You got damn bingo or scrape it off the chicken. What the fuck are you doing?
Speaker 1:
[70:44] Pat himself with a napkin.
Speaker 13:
[70:45] My mom asks what Gabrielle wants. They thought they'd talk after dinner. I thought you'd marry a lawyer. Apparently we both thought wrong. She assumes they need the money. Gabrielle wants to buy a house. Meanwhile, Cedric is suffering from the mouthful of cayenne pepper he had, but mama thinks he's torn up about the money.
Speaker 1:
[71:02] Can't believe they need 10 K. Who do you think I am? Weezy Jefferson. God rest her soul.
Speaker 13:
[71:06] Cedric chugs a second glass of water. He would not do well on hot ones.
Speaker 14:
[71:11] Cayenne is not that hot.
Speaker 13:
[71:12] No, but in the fifties for a white man in the fifties, in the fifties, it was ghost pepper. Gabrielle asked what she thinks. Should have married little Larry Fillmore, little Tommy Throckmorton's cousin because he took over the funeral home. They've had two bites of dinner time for dessert over. Let's get dessert.
Speaker 1:
[71:32] Mom will go get the pie she brought. He's yelling. So your mom is going to the kitchen.
Speaker 14:
[71:36] Mama Gibson says, tell the truth. You're on the pipe, ain't you?
Speaker 1:
[71:40] Nope. She asks where the paper towels are. Ed's in the pantry of the dog. Motion's no to Ralph. He says he doesn't believe in them because of the rain forest.
Speaker 14:
[71:47] 21st century.
Speaker 1:
[71:48] Something wrong with him. She leaves the kitchen. Ralph asks Ed where the dog is. He comes out with a box of Cap'n Crunch.
Speaker 13:
[71:54] Crunch berries on his head. Instead of Mike going solo, they're going to bail out the fire escape. Another riddle about lighter than a feather. Ralph gets it. It's your breath. Mike's impressed, calls him a genius. They sneak down the fire escape. Cedric has vertigo.
Speaker 14:
[72:09] It's a staircase.
Speaker 13:
[72:10] Yeah.
Speaker 14:
[72:10] There's nothing to be afraid of.
Speaker 13:
[72:12] No, badly big crash. Now they're hanging. Gabrielle and mama look out the window, but don't look down. No, don't see them.
Speaker 1:
[72:20] We're like crazy husband of yours.
Speaker 13:
[72:22] Go.
Speaker 1:
[72:22] I think he said something about a meeting at the lodge tonight. More dessert for us. So do they have lodges in New York?
Speaker 14:
[72:28] They did in the fifties.
Speaker 13:
[72:29] And then I thought, wait, where's the dog dogs waiting down below?
Speaker 1:
[72:33] Okay.
Speaker 13:
[72:34] Mike is scared to death. So he confesses that he saw Gabrielle Union naked and still thinks about it.
Speaker 1:
[72:39] Of course he does. Ralph attacks them.
Speaker 13:
[72:42] They fall five feet. They're fine.
Speaker 1:
[72:44] Cut to the past breaking into the tracks as he forgot his keys. They don't buy it.
Speaker 14:
[72:48] Yeah. Right. My wife left me. Okay. Technically she's not my wife, but the pain is all the same. He's Teddy Rexing.
Speaker 1:
[72:53] They duck and hide from security. He says they're not breaking in. It's competitive business. Don't want other traders to steal his secrets.
Speaker 14:
[72:59] Are you profiling? Why are you profiling?
Speaker 1:
[73:01] He's training them for a dog show, not a race. It's time for the moment of truth.
Speaker 13:
[73:05] Bunch of physical comedy and Teddy Rex Jibber-Jabber.
Speaker 1:
[73:09] A lot of, all right, now time for him to run. And then the dog lies down.
Speaker 13:
[73:14] French aerobics teacher, really flexible, not enough soft places. They put Iggy in the gate and he doesn't move.
Speaker 1:
[73:20] What's the whole Tony Montana, Mickey the trainer.
Speaker 14:
[73:26] Yep, from Rocky. Yeah, it's all about the montage. We're doing massages and breathing exercises.
Speaker 13:
[73:32] He tells Cedric that his parents find it difficult to explain what he does for a living. And I'm wondering, is this all a dog whisperer joke, which started in 2004?
Speaker 14:
[73:44] Absolutely.
Speaker 9:
[73:45] Oh, yeah.
Speaker 14:
[73:47] That's the whole thing. Yeah.
Speaker 18:
[73:48] When good dogs go bad, there's one man who's their best friend. Cesar Millan. No dog is too much for me to handle. I rehabilitate dogs.
Speaker 11:
[74:02] I train people. I am the dog whisperer.
Speaker 14:
[74:06] And Ced, by the way, extremely ass on in the background, reacting to this scene.
Speaker 13:
[74:11] Right then, Dodge, Louis Pinnock with the Tony Montana and the Mickey.
Speaker 1:
[74:15] We get a Nancy Kerrigan reference. What about steroids? Nobody needs to know.
Speaker 9:
[74:20] They don't even test.
Speaker 13:
[74:21] Mike talks about getting a pit bull pregnant. Then I then Dodge says, you win that race, you get the power, then you get the bitches. And okay. Iggy's reaction to getting bitches might have one ass off.
Speaker 14:
[74:32] Well, look at this photograph.
Speaker 13:
[74:34] But he still won't get out of the gate. I then Dodge says the dogs is straight up dud. Then they try to blame. I then Dodge.
Speaker 14:
[74:41] I seen this dog move. Was you drinking at the time?
Speaker 9:
[74:44] Ha ha.
Speaker 14:
[74:44] Also he says, I started out with nothing and still got most of it left. When he was trying to inspire the dog as golden dumpster, Ebb starts running to inspire the dog to try to get him to chase him.
Speaker 9:
[74:54] Yeah.
Speaker 1:
[74:55] Ed gets back and they say, nice lap.
Speaker 9:
[74:58] It's funny.
Speaker 14:
[74:59] I smile.
Speaker 13:
[74:59] Finally think of the blue rubber ball that he was chasing in the park.
Speaker 1:
[75:03] He put it on the motorized bunny lead and taped the ball to its mouth and the dog is running the next day.
Speaker 13:
[75:09] Andre Higa-Dollar runs fast.
Speaker 1:
[75:10] He's in, makes qualifying time.
Speaker 14:
[75:12] He qualifies. Assuming we have the dog's paperwork. We got the paperwork. You got the paperwork. What's paperwork? Very 20 CB joke construction right there.
Speaker 13:
[75:23] 1950s. The owner's party tomorrow night. Authenticity of line, license to race, proof of insurance, membership in Greyhound.
Speaker 14:
[75:29] Paperworks position.
Speaker 13:
[75:31] They ain't got it. They can't get it. But I then dodge, says we'll do it for 600 bucks. Okay, 300 bucks.
Speaker 9:
[75:38] Should not run a Pinkberry.
Speaker 14:
[75:39] That's a horseman. Yeah.
Speaker 13:
[75:40] I put business as a horseman.
Speaker 14:
[75:42] Bad business. Everyone's a horrible negotiator in this movie.
Speaker 13:
[75:45] But I wanted to include my friend Mr. Business.
Speaker 14:
[75:48] He's bad too. We'll get to that when we get to it.
Speaker 13:
[75:50] No, he's good at business.
Speaker 14:
[75:52] Business. No, he's not.
Speaker 13:
[75:53] How do you get that Benz? What are you talking about?
Speaker 14:
[75:55] Nepo baby.
Speaker 13:
[75:56] You're out of your mind. Mr. Business? I had it. Business?
Speaker 1:
[75:59] Cut to mom coming to the diner to speak to Alice. Owner says she's busy. Do you know who I am?
Speaker 13:
[76:05] We get a resume battle?
Speaker 9:
[76:06] The back and forth is funny.
Speaker 16:
[76:07] Excuse me. Do you know who I am?
Speaker 18:
[76:11] No. No.
Speaker 11:
[76:12] You know who I am?
Speaker 16:
[76:13] I was born in a one-bedroom farmhouse with five brothers who I raised.
Speaker 5:
[76:18] I was born in China eight years ago in a Chinese rice field.
Speaker 16:
[76:21] That's pretty funny. I served my country in Vietnam where I was a Golden Gloves Champion three years running.
Speaker 5:
[76:27] Before when I come, my English is not good looking, and now I speak perfect.
Speaker 16:
[76:31] I raised six kids, buried two husbands, and am on the lookout for number three.
Speaker 20:
[76:36] Can I call you next week?
Speaker 16:
[76:38] What?
Speaker 13:
[76:39] Mama presents a crinkled personal check, 20 CB, Gabrielle celebrates. Can I take this right now? She was skeptical, but Cedric's genuine worry convinced her. Yeah, fucking right.
Speaker 14:
[76:49] Gabby comes down to the house to pay the old lady. McFly is loitering.
Speaker 13:
[76:53] Mr. Business.
Speaker 14:
[76:54] The exposition is on how she's going to own the house. McFly starts doing background research. And at this point, why doesn't she just outbid her, man? She's a fucking diner.
Speaker 1:
[77:03] Raise the fucking.
Speaker 13:
[77:04] Well, he's done that.
Speaker 14:
[77:05] No, he hasn't. Clearly not.
Speaker 1:
[77:06] He could double, triple, quadruple.
Speaker 14:
[77:08] You can build 15 units in a spot.
Speaker 1:
[77:10] 80 grand is a lot in the fifties, but it's doable.
Speaker 13:
[77:13] Gabrielle is bragging. They're going to own the place. She laughs at him. What's so funny? Come Monday, you'll be trespassing. That's a interesting variant of Cobra formula where you laugh first. Who did that? Oh, was it Jack Lemon, Jack Lemon?
Speaker 1:
[77:26] Yeah.
Speaker 14:
[77:27] It's 11 formula. That's right.
Speaker 13:
[77:28] She hit him with the Jack Lemon.
Speaker 1:
[77:30] Lemon formula.
Speaker 13:
[77:31] Mr. Business calls his guy who says that they have nothing in their bank account. So he wants him to find out what Cedric is up to.
Speaker 14:
[77:38] Back on the bus, office spaces, tell us said about his Puerto Rican crush.
Speaker 20:
[77:42] That woman I was telling you about her name is Malina.
Speaker 14:
[77:46] She's Puerto Rican.
Speaker 2:
[77:49] My God. I've tried to talk to her, but words won't come.
Speaker 15:
[77:53] I can tell you a thing or two about women. That's if you're ready to hear it.
Speaker 13:
[77:57] And now Cedric gives mystery line advice.
Speaker 14:
[77:59] Oh, just like that. The manly art of wenching insights month is back.
Speaker 1:
[78:04] I said, is he going to give how to be a player rules?
Speaker 14:
[78:06] It all starts with letting a woman know who's boss.
Speaker 3:
[78:10] It all begins with letting her know who's boss.
Speaker 15:
[78:12] Very important.
Speaker 13:
[78:14] He said the next stop mean mugging the shit out of him.
Speaker 14:
[78:17] He's pissed, but also very punctual.
Speaker 13:
[78:19] As I said, she finally checked the ballots because she went to the bank to deposit a check. That's how she found out that they're broke disembodied voice. Let her know who's boss Ralph golden dumpster account is not only empty. It's overdrawn by $223 and 60 cents.
Speaker 14:
[78:35] Cedric said that's a mistake is wrong because I don't know nothing about those 60 cents. Oh, I'm sorry. I don't know nothing about those 60 cents.
Speaker 9:
[78:42] My note says he's back to talking like said again, he'll explain where the money is, but out of context might sound crazy.
Speaker 1:
[78:48] He starts with the train in the sewer. She immediately wants him out of the apartment.
Speaker 14:
[78:52] I laugh, Norton, I found the train in the sewers, get the fuck out.
Speaker 15:
[78:56] Listen, listen, and then we got this dog out of the dumpster.
Speaker 17:
[78:59] I don't want to hear it.
Speaker 21:
[79:00] I'm done.
Speaker 15:
[79:01] Come on, baby, just 24 more hours, okay? 24 more hours and then we can get on to the life we both dreamed of.
Speaker 21:
[79:08] What life is that, Ralph? You've always been so obsessed with your own dreams, that you never even bothered with mine.
Speaker 15:
[79:14] I mean, how can you say that? I want the house just as much as you do.
Speaker 21:
[79:18] Then why haven't you been by to see it? Because, I mean, because you're selfish, Ralph Crandon, and I'm done playing the fool.
Speaker 14:
[79:31] And this is how I know he's a CT-5 worst liar.
Speaker 13:
[79:33] Terrible liar.
Speaker 14:
[79:34] Because I would have said, I did three times, she's never home. That's all you got to say.
Speaker 1:
[79:39] She's always at the diner. So I took the bus by it.
Speaker 13:
[79:42] Taxis honk at him, he yells back at them, no consequences from walking off his bus full of passengers. No, for 10 minutes to have his argument.
Speaker 1:
[79:51] He drove it to Brooklyn.
Speaker 14:
[79:52] Well, there was nobody on the bus.
Speaker 13:
[79:53] What consequences sounded dangerously close to the thing right there.
Speaker 14:
[79:57] And he drove to Brooklyn, the heavy bus, or if the thing were from Brooklyn, like Ralph Crandon, he would have said, yeah, yeah, whatever. Be my guest.
Speaker 1:
[80:10] That's kind of the new one. Cut to him at the house at night. He saw it, watched the alarm goes off and he has to go to the owner's meeting, cut to Ed in the past talking about the past dating.
Speaker 13:
[80:23] Teddy Rex, but I enjoyed this.
Speaker 14:
[80:25] Absent pest talking about dating is me and Zach.
Speaker 17:
[80:27] Well, luckily for me, man, I'm near status. I can date just about anybody, you know?
Speaker 12:
[80:31] I understand what you're saying.
Speaker 17:
[80:33] Like I'm dating this lady right now. She's about 40, 40 plus, whatever. I don't want to marry her for her money, but I don't know how else to get it. You know, someday I'm going to find somebody special who's not going to press charges in time.
Speaker 13:
[80:45] Ralph shows up in his bus, tosses the keys to the valet. You're fired again.
Speaker 1:
[80:51] Keep it close.
Speaker 14:
[80:51] You're fired a horse.
Speaker 1:
[80:53] He's basically stealing this bus whenever he wants grand heft auto grand has auto.
Speaker 13:
[81:00] I then Dodge criticizes his uniform says a list party, but you got D lists all over you.
Speaker 14:
[81:05] They try to roast them, but they aren't good at it.
Speaker 13:
[81:08] I then Dodge is wearing new underwear, new to him. Anyway, a good doll is going to win this race. They'll get that money and the house. I then Dodge has his paperwork, but Cedric needs a suit. Where are they going to get one now? Oh boy. If only I then Dodge would clear his throat. Look at his own hand.
Speaker 14:
[81:27] Look at this photograph.
Speaker 1:
[81:28] That's him walking in wearing a giant yellow suit with massive buttons and calls it temptation-like.
Speaker 14:
[81:32] Massive pants too.
Speaker 1:
[81:33] Ralph says he's dressed like the last blues brother.
Speaker 13:
[81:35] I then Dodge says he looks like a plucked sunflower.
Speaker 1:
[81:39] Woman walks up, tells Ralph she loves all his stuff. He's confused. Everybody seems to know about them. They find Kirby. Kirby compliments the suit.
Speaker 13:
[81:46] I then Dodge says they're out of banana yellow, but they got some pumpkin left.
Speaker 1:
[81:49] Pumpkin? He's anything about pumpkin.
Speaker 13:
[81:50] And Cedric is pissed because pumpkin is his color. It's the color in the sewer. It's his color later in the movie.
Speaker 14:
[81:57] He's shaped like a pumpkin.
Speaker 1:
[81:58] Ralph has the paperwork. Kirby says Iguodala has been scratched from the race. I bribed the top people. I was on procedure to get this through. Mr. Business paid a lot of cash to keep Iggy out of the race.
Speaker 14:
[82:08] A lot of money.
Speaker 1:
[82:10] A lot of money.
Speaker 13:
[82:11] Money is.
Speaker 1:
[82:12] And he brings over enough champagne to fill the Nile.
Speaker 18:
[82:16] And enough champagne to fill the Nile.
Speaker 19:
[82:22] Champagne!
Speaker 13:
[82:23] Vov Clico in 1952? That's impressive.
Speaker 14:
[82:26] This is the point where I wondered-
Speaker 13:
[82:28] This is the first bottle.
Speaker 14:
[82:29] Whether I should change McFly's name to Taffer because he says it's just business, nothing personal, which is a very Taffer thing. Mike Ebb says, how's it per- It's just business. He's completely confused by the saying.
Speaker 13:
[82:44] The irony being that his name is Mr. Business. So anything business is personal to him.
Speaker 1:
[82:49] It's not Mr. Personal, though.
Speaker 13:
[82:50] Well, you know, it tells them to stay, enjoy the buffet, buy themselves some drinks like that little detail right there.
Speaker 14:
[82:56] Is that open bar?
Speaker 1:
[82:57] No, no, man.
Speaker 14:
[82:58] They didn't have that in the fifties.
Speaker 18:
[83:00] Open bar, dude.
Speaker 1:
[83:01] Pest is selling Ralph to let it go. I'm sitting up here dressed like a rubber ducky. You're talking about letting it go. Pest is talking about Kirby as a self-made businessman. Started off with $5,000 and now he's two to $3 million in debt.
Speaker 13:
[83:12] Golden dumpster.
Speaker 1:
[83:13] I said, listen to here's the science of our rescue podcast.
Speaker 13:
[83:16] You got to admire that. I ain't got no taste, but I got to admire that. Mike picks his nose and drops it under a trophy lid. I don't know what he's doing in this scene.
Speaker 1:
[83:24] Comedy.
Speaker 13:
[83:24] Someone with a headset grabs Cedric and Mike says, they're late. Come on, Chang. Everyone knows about your yellow suit.
Speaker 1:
[83:30] Pest has a phone call about calling the cops and he'll give the money on Friday and film noir. It's his mom. Comedy. Supposed to start five minutes ago. There's a stage and a piano. Ed sits down on the piano. Ralph has the mic. He has an idea.
Speaker 13:
[83:42] What kind of an idea?
Speaker 14:
[83:44] Thank you.
Speaker 1:
[83:44] Follow his lead.
Speaker 13:
[83:45] Cobra formula.
Speaker 14:
[83:46] Anytime people get on stage, just follow my lead. We'll figure it out. 20 CB. Such recaps positioning about the dog being scratched and Epps plays the shit out of the piano.
Speaker 13:
[83:55] Ask the dreamers to raise their hands. Had a dream. Iggy would race on this track. Now Mike is playing arpeggios, falls off his stool.
Speaker 1:
[84:05] Comedy.
Speaker 13:
[84:05] Eddie, left hands. Norton, ladies and gentlemen.
Speaker 15:
[84:08] You know, we found Iggy in a dumpster. Damn near dead. Hadn't eaten in days, but like most other dogs, Iggy's a survivor like Seafisky, Rocky, Destiny's Child, and all survivors. You know, I guess I'm just saying this to say that, Mr. Kirby, I don't know why you're not letting our dog race tomorrow, but he's already a winner in my book, and I'll put money on my dumpster dog any day of the week.
Speaker 16:
[84:35] Any day, Ralph.
Speaker 5:
[84:38] Me too.
Speaker 2:
[84:41] You're not buying any of this crap, are you?
Speaker 18:
[84:43] A homeless dumpster dog. You're kidding.
Speaker 5:
[84:46] People are gonna be falling all over themselves betting on them.
Speaker 17:
[84:49] Mr. Davis, I'm sorry.
Speaker 5:
[84:51] That dog wins. I'm screwed.
Speaker 18:
[84:52] That dog will never win.
Speaker 15:
[84:54] You see for yourself.
Speaker 13:
[84:56] Iggy's in. They celebrate. Polito yells, bet on Iggy, Iggy.
Speaker 1:
[85:01] And then two Asian men come over dressed like Ed and Ralph.
Speaker 13:
[85:04] Yeah. That's my piano.
Speaker 1:
[85:07] I guess that's comedy.
Speaker 14:
[85:08] This is the opposite of a Sean Astin because I truly believe the event planner would not know the difference. She just see a yellow suit and that's it.
Speaker 1:
[85:16] Cut to Alice's apartment. Knock on the door. She assumes it's Ralph. It's Trixie and Ed. She says Ed has quite the story and wants her to hear it.
Speaker 14:
[85:24] Then they tell us the story, right?
Speaker 13:
[85:25] Nope. Next scene.
Speaker 1:
[85:26] Cut to the racetrack. Ed and Ralph are wearing massive suits and stupid fucking hats.
Speaker 13:
[85:31] Wardrobe.
Speaker 1:
[85:33] This is the outfit why Cedric the Entertainer did the-
Speaker 13:
[85:36] With what money?
Speaker 14:
[85:37] He already owned this suit.
Speaker 1:
[85:38] Exactly.
Speaker 14:
[85:39] He just didn't have time the other day to put it on.
Speaker 13:
[85:41] From a suit scam of 2003.
Speaker 14:
[85:43] I wrote, dressed in their finest Steve Harvey suits, then I was like, that's a Cedric, the entertainer suit and hat. Yeah.
Speaker 13:
[85:49] Cedric is in pumpkin hat and shirt and Mike is in mustard.
Speaker 1:
[85:55] I know. Why does your dad, but why does Cedric, the entertainer think that's a good look? You look dumb as fuck.
Speaker 14:
[86:01] It was in 2005.
Speaker 1:
[86:03] It wasn't, it never was.
Speaker 13:
[86:05] It's slimming.
Speaker 1:
[86:05] It's not slimming. It's not.
Speaker 9:
[86:07] He looks fat as fuck there too.
Speaker 1:
[86:09] He's dressed fatly. Oh, it's Kevin James.
Speaker 14:
[86:14] I don't like this at all.
Speaker 1:
[86:15] Batman's bird.
Speaker 13:
[86:16] What porn is inside that one?
Speaker 1:
[86:19] You don't want to know.
Speaker 14:
[86:21] BVW highway.
Speaker 13:
[86:24] Don't worry. I said Dodge also has a color coordinated fedora in gray.
Speaker 8:
[86:29] Oh my God.
Speaker 14:
[86:31] He's got a turtleneck tells them.
Speaker 13:
[86:33] They look Mackin packing blackadocious. Real money is in the second race. They hand over Iggy. Mike keeps looking around for gab. Cedric knows she's not coming.
Speaker 1:
[86:44] It's not coming. Norton.
Speaker 13:
[86:45] The girls are lurking, waiting to see if he loses nose.
Speaker 1:
[86:48] It'll kill him qualifying heat. Iggy is booking it dominates wins easily. Stoltz says he's unbeatable. Kirby says the final is a whole different ballgame.
Speaker 13:
[86:57] Everybody else says only Ralph. Our future depends on a dog race.
Speaker 1:
[87:01] Baby. Don't be with him then. Yeah, you could do so much better.
Speaker 13:
[87:05] They gave us a lot of exposition in this movie. They didn't give us a single piece of exposition of why they would be together.
Speaker 1:
[87:10] What do you mean?
Speaker 13:
[87:11] Certainly not that first date he danced around her. They made it through Y2K. That's right. I then Dodge is arguing the phone again. Mike wants Iggy to visualize success. Cedric says, huh, why don't you visualize going back to that dumpster? I said, Oh, I mean formula you get him to visualize going back to that dumpster. Jesus Christ.
Speaker 1:
[87:35] He's laughing at what he just said. Dodge and Ed don't like it. Sorry guys. I'm nervous. Dodge tells them this next race is tougher than they think. They see a massive dog walk by. Do they see a massive dog exact same size as all the dogs in there, including Iggy.
Speaker 9:
[87:48] Once they're lined up, he just walks closer to the camera.
Speaker 13:
[87:51] Yeah. But they 80 are a scary dog noise.
Speaker 14:
[87:54] Greyhounds cannot make that noise. Oh, they're a little bitch ass dogs.
Speaker 13:
[87:57] Oh, Mike calls it a horse major race of the day anniversary derby. Everyone's nervous. Gate opens in slow motion. Iggy is hauling ass. Cedric is extremely worried. Iggy's box in the announcer tells us that Mike holds up the blue ball. Oh, good luck charm.
Speaker 14:
[88:15] And this bingo.
Speaker 1:
[88:17] Oh, he's going to chuck the ball.
Speaker 14:
[88:19] Yeah.
Speaker 1:
[88:19] Iggy's going to go. He's going to win. Holy shit. It worked.
Speaker 13:
[88:24] No Iggy veers off the track. They lose in slow motion Pavlov's dog took third, but he got his ball. Now Cedric yells at Mike says Gabrielle will never take him back because of you boys.
Speaker 1:
[88:37] The dog's going to think you're yelling at him. I'm not yelling at him. He's just a dumb dog.
Speaker 14:
[88:41] We're not boys. We're not friends. We're not nothing. We're gone.
Speaker 1:
[88:45] And stay off my fire escape.
Speaker 13:
[88:47] Cedric realizes he did all that yelling in front of Gabrielle as they leave. Sad music.
Speaker 1:
[88:56] And then doesn't go after her.
Speaker 13:
[88:59] No, why is she hurt? Cause he fucking lost all the money.
Speaker 9:
[89:03] No.
Speaker 1:
[89:03] And there was a dick to their friend.
Speaker 14:
[89:05] And that's what she's mad about.
Speaker 9:
[89:07] Yeah.
Speaker 1:
[89:07] He's acting like a piece of shit as opposed to that's not the man that she thought she loved because he danced around her that one time.
Speaker 13:
[89:13] Sad music as Cedric sits in the cuck chair of the train he bought by himself stoically deep in thought and then burning all of the merch in a barrel.
Speaker 1:
[89:25] He would later sell to Wayne Brady to light up a walkway for a basketball game.
Speaker 13:
[89:29] Same note too.
Speaker 14:
[89:30] Same note too. But I said burning all the recaps position.
Speaker 13:
[89:33] Ah, even burning Bart Roberts book. I was a sucker forever believing in you should have let mr. Tagahashi by this train. His card fell out of the book in the fire. Music sting.
Speaker 15:
[89:49] Maybe you still do.
Speaker 13:
[89:50] Now he's got a reach in the burning fire.
Speaker 1:
[89:53] Maybe he still wants to. He's going to have to plead mr. Tagahashi come see the train and make sure you still have to buy it.
Speaker 13:
[90:00] I need this to Tagahashi checking out the train.
Speaker 1:
[90:02] Oh, okay. And now he's got to haggle with him for a really long time.
Speaker 14:
[90:07] As for 25, Tagahashi says, 25, 20, 20. You should not run a Pinkberry horseman.
Speaker 1:
[90:13] I'm going to need to check right now. Ralph Ambles to the bus and bangs on the door.
Speaker 13:
[90:17] It's Kevin Corrigan.
Speaker 14:
[90:19] It's the little brother. Oh, good fellows. He's a bus driver gridlock though.
Speaker 1:
[90:23] He can't get to the diner by 9 a.m. Too much traffic. Calls the diner health inspectors there.
Speaker 13:
[90:27] Hugh hangs up on him. Mike is welcoming new hires to the New York city sewer system.
Speaker 14:
[90:33] I gotta get to the diner by 9 a.m. This is urgent gridlock.
Speaker 9:
[90:36] How am I gonna get there?
Speaker 14:
[90:37] I gotta go under the seat. Oh, like, okay, this makes sense. Goes down there.
Speaker 1:
[90:40] What do you mean this makes sense? They live in New York city. There's this subway system.
Speaker 14:
[90:43] I assume that there is some sort of cars down there or whatever, like what we saw.
Speaker 1:
[90:48] Like Spider-Man's fighting that fucking lizard.
Speaker 14:
[90:50] I'm willing to suspend disbelief to believe that.
Speaker 1:
[90:53] I am not.
Speaker 13:
[90:54] His name is Dr. Lizard.
Speaker 14:
[90:55] He gets down there.
Speaker 13:
[90:56] Mr. Manager, he's funded by Mr. Business.
Speaker 14:
[90:59] He got dressed up in the hazmat suit wardrobe and then stood there and waited. Waited. For Mike Epps to give this whole speech.
Speaker 13:
[91:06] Today, he'll join an elite group of dedicated and dependable professionals, survived a rigorous application process, interviews and psych profiles. Guy behind him says, actually, these are convicted felons of violent crimes in a work release program comedy.
Speaker 14:
[91:20] Zach, I know what you're wondering. Does said run up like Lord, Lord, I need your help. Whatever.
Speaker 1:
[91:25] Yeah, he must. He's in the heart. He's got to get there by 9 a.m. I mean, he's chilling.
Speaker 14:
[91:29] He's waiting for all of this pomp and circumstance for the work release program because ed has to get through the speech, but ed sees him and is like, I'll get to you in a second.
Speaker 1:
[91:37] Right?
Speaker 14:
[91:37] No, it does the whole speech. So they set up the whole thing with the current cons.
Speaker 13:
[91:43] Not a flood convict.
Speaker 14:
[91:45] Sad runs up to him.
Speaker 1:
[91:46] Super daisy chain.
Speaker 13:
[91:47] Not how that works.
Speaker 14:
[91:48] He doesn't say, hey man, I'm sorry.
Speaker 13:
[91:50] Nope.
Speaker 14:
[91:50] But look, I got the money. Let's go.
Speaker 13:
[91:52] It's time for some best friend exposition, Amin.
Speaker 14:
[91:54] He confesses that the riddle book.
Speaker 13:
[91:56] Hello exposition.
Speaker 14:
[91:57] He bought it and that's how he knew how all the riddles ended.
Speaker 13:
[92:00] Which if he memorized the riddle book, that's still impressive.
Speaker 14:
[92:05] Weren't you in a hurry? Oh, you know, I have to be the smart one and all that shit.
Speaker 13:
[92:08] Without that, I don't know what I would be anymore.
Speaker 15:
[92:11] Come on, man. Don't start, man.
Speaker 8:
[92:13] Why you come here and make me cry with all these comments like this?
Speaker 15:
[92:17] No, stop it, man. I'm trying to just say what I gotta say. Look, man. You know what I'm saying?
Speaker 2:
[92:26] Do I have a tear in my eye?
Speaker 15:
[92:27] No, you're okay.
Speaker 8:
[92:29] Look, this doesn't change everything. We still have issues between each other.
Speaker 15:
[92:32] Look, okay, I understand that, but I got the money for the house.
Speaker 14:
[92:36] This is the part where the cons will attack them and they gotta chase them through the sewer shit. Nope, we're just gonna sit here and watch.
Speaker 1:
[92:43] Did he sell to Tagahashi at 4.30 in the morning? So much time has had to have passed.
Speaker 13:
[92:50] He needs Mike Epps' sewer expertise to get across town, but Mike Epps has conditions.
Speaker 14:
[92:55] Sure.
Speaker 13:
[92:56] Just as many as there are lessons in how to be a player.
Speaker 14:
[92:58] Sad says, whatever it is, whatever it takes, you're supposed to go, right?
Speaker 13:
[93:01] No.
Speaker 14:
[93:01] No?
Speaker 13:
[93:02] They gotta argue every step of the way.
Speaker 1:
[93:03] Cut to them on a cart.
Speaker 13:
[93:05] Condition one, I need to pick stuff. Movies, restaurants.
Speaker 1:
[93:09] How long did that take? How long in between? I got some conditions and I'm going to start giving you the first condition.
Speaker 14:
[93:13] How long did it take for Seth to start bitching at him? At this guy who's saving your marriage?
Speaker 13:
[93:18] Point three seconds.
Speaker 1:
[93:19] Ralph Cramden is a piece of shit.
Speaker 14:
[93:23] Bitch friend. He is a bitch friend.
Speaker 13:
[93:25] Nothing would ever get decided if he picks stuff. They jam on the brakes. Fine. You can pick stuff. Second up, refer to me as Edward. And then another one, stop making fun of me. Cedric calls him ridiculous and he falls mouth open into shit and the sewage water into shit submersed big old mouthful.
Speaker 1:
[93:41] He's dead in two minutes.
Speaker 13:
[93:44] Well, you know, they just invented penicillin, Zach. So he's fine.
Speaker 1:
[93:48] And you're right.
Speaker 13:
[93:49] Mike laughs at him. The big one is never yell or get mad at him ever again. Mike wants him to put it on his family jewels. After some deliberation, Cedric agrees good because we're lost. Cedric swallows the yell.
Speaker 1:
[94:01] Then whispers, Edward, how do you suggest we proceed from here?
Speaker 13:
[94:05] Let's Mike pick which direction they go the wrong way.
Speaker 14:
[94:07] They double back when he says put on the family jewels. Does that mean he's got to shake his hog? Shake it.
Speaker 13:
[94:12] The jewels aren't the hog.
Speaker 14:
[94:13] Jewels are the whole thing.
Speaker 1:
[94:14] You don't business deal shake on a hog.
Speaker 14:
[94:16] That's what I thought.
Speaker 13:
[94:17] It's not how Mr. Business does it.
Speaker 14:
[94:19] No, I've been doing it.
Speaker 1:
[94:20] No wonder you call yourself a businessman.
Speaker 13:
[94:22] They go right up a ladder to a manhole right outside Q's diner, but Mr. Business parks right on top of them. So they got to go two blocks down. Now they are waddling up waddling as Mr. Business hands the old lady, the pen in midair so we can see it. This is exposition of a different sort. Visual exposition.
Speaker 1:
[94:41] Don't sign that paper. Health inspector sees the footprints and says, that's no good. I left. Ralph gives her the wet check. It's got to smell like absolute shit.
Speaker 14:
[94:51] It's got shit on it.
Speaker 13:
[94:52] A soggy check.
Speaker 14:
[94:53] He fell in the sewage.
Speaker 1:
[94:55] She'll take it as is. This is going to kill this old woman. Mr. Business offers more money. She declines. She'd rather have her house remain a home.
Speaker 14:
[95:03] Took you this long to offer her more money. You dipshit.
Speaker 13:
[95:07] Mr. Business.
Speaker 14:
[95:09] You should not run a Pinkberry.
Speaker 13:
[95:10] Swampy sewer soaked. Cedric hugs her stankily.
Speaker 1:
[95:15] She's dead.
Speaker 13:
[95:16] Then grabs his contract and rips it up as he says, this is Mr. Business. It's not personal.
Speaker 1:
[95:21] Cut to the Brooklyn Bridge and he pulls up the bus.
Speaker 14:
[95:25] Staring at the gap in the sky where 9-11 have, Oh, super charged up.
Speaker 13:
[95:29] He uses the digital sign on the front of the bus to deliver his message.
Speaker 1:
[95:32] I didn't know they had that in the fifties.
Speaker 13:
[95:34] How about a second chance? I'm because sorry, our relationship and is where not done yet.
Speaker 15:
[95:47] Alice, I've wasted so much time, made so many bad choices. There's only one thing I've ever done right. And that's love you.
Speaker 13:
[96:00] She says, let's go home. You mean the one we just bought?
Speaker 14:
[96:03] She forgives him before she finds out that he got the money.
Speaker 13:
[96:06] Yeah, cause of the killer sorry message with the bus.
Speaker 1:
[96:10] Wow bow formula?
Speaker 13:
[96:11] Cause then he gets to the key. Wow bow.
Speaker 15:
[96:14] Baby, you're the greatest.
Speaker 14:
[96:23] Guys, I know we have a long illustrious history of Sean Astin's, just in this episode. She took him back.
Speaker 13:
[96:29] She took him in the first place, though.
Speaker 1:
[96:31] It stuck with him.
Speaker 14:
[96:31] Stuck with him is worse than taking him.
Speaker 13:
[96:33] If it wasn't believable that she took him in the first place, it's not like-
Speaker 1:
[96:36] They also kiss until nighttime?
Speaker 14:
[96:38] Oh yeah.
Speaker 13:
[96:38] This was an incredible use of budget.
Speaker 14:
[96:40] The time-lapse?
Speaker 13:
[96:41] That's not a time-lapse, that's a green screen, my friend.
Speaker 1:
[96:44] Cut to easy dodge relocations, moving truck, pulling up. Pest is directing them on unloading their own stuff. Cut to them having burgers in the backyard.
Speaker 13:
[96:53] And Budweiser's.
Speaker 1:
[96:54] Cheers to their own home.
Speaker 13:
[96:56] Iggy brings over a newspaper. Takahashi's on the cover.
Speaker 14:
[97:00] Does it give us any exposition?
Speaker 13:
[97:01] That the gold train bell sold for a million bucks.
Speaker 11:
[97:07] Hello, exposition.
Speaker 14:
[97:08] And now Gabby turns into the bitch wife all of a sudden. I'm like, Gabby, don't even sell it.
Speaker 9:
[97:14] No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
Speaker 1:
[97:15] She's right here. Not just cause she's hot. It's because of all the schemes where you have had nothing. Met's merchandise, pet cactus, rainbrella kangle. You finally had one that if you were just intelligent in the slightest, they'd be millionaires.
Speaker 14:
[97:35] Well, one million dollars.
Speaker 1:
[97:37] In the 50s.
Speaker 14:
[97:38] Counterpoint. Bitch, you wanted a house to get you the house.
Speaker 1:
[97:41] They got in a bigger house.
Speaker 14:
[97:42] She won his one. This is the house you wanted.
Speaker 9:
[97:44] Because they could get it.
Speaker 14:
[97:45] And they did.
Speaker 1:
[97:46] She just wanted a house.
Speaker 13:
[97:47] Cedric chases Mike down the street as Cobra style plays.
Speaker 1:
[97:51] What?
Speaker 13:
[97:52] FIFA 06 soundtrack.
Speaker 1:
[97:54] Yeah, that was very confusing.
Speaker 14:
[97:57] I was like, I know I was it, but I've never heard the lyrics. So it must have been a place where I just heard the beginning, the notes of the song.
Speaker 1:
[98:43] The bloopers as we roll credits didn't even watch the bloopers at all.
Speaker 13:
[98:47] Got the fuck out of there.
Speaker 14:
[98:48] I wrote, I bet these are hysterical.
Speaker 1:
[98:51] I just fast forward until I got my suggestions.
Speaker 11:
[98:54] Seatbelts fastened.
Speaker 18:
[98:57] Trace tables in an upright position.
Speaker 14:
[98:59] Here we go. When Yabby overhears McFly about to buy Mr. Business. The house from The Librarian.
Speaker 13:
[99:24] I had Cedric's first big idea music sting to buy the train.
Speaker 14:
[99:29] That's good.
Speaker 1:
[99:30] I didn't even think about it.
Speaker 14:
[99:31] You weren't struck by the liftoff of the plot?
Speaker 13:
[99:33] Speaking of being struck, was it when Jackie Gleason beat his wife?
Speaker 1:
[99:37] Oh, supercharged that, but also, yes, that's my answer.
Speaker 14:
[99:43] Is there audio of him hitting her? No, of David Stern saying, Oh, Jim Rome.
Speaker 4:
[99:48] I'm not saying that I do, but I think it's my job to ask you that.
Speaker 5:
[99:51] Have you stopped beating your wife yet?
Speaker 4:
[99:54] Yeah, I don't know if that's fair. I don't know if that's fair.
Speaker 5:
[99:57] Oh, why is that? Why don't you try to tell us what the fuck happened?
Speaker 13:
[100:01] Quot summary, Amigos first.
Speaker 14:
[100:03] I go first?
Speaker 5:
[100:04] Why?
Speaker 1:
[100:04] Cause you picked it.
Speaker 14:
[100:05] I didn't pick it.
Speaker 1:
[100:06] You sure did.
Speaker 13:
[100:08] Quot summary, one minute and 30 seconds on the clock. Amin picked it, so he goes first.
Speaker 14:
[100:15] All three, baby.
Speaker 20:
[100:15] One, two, three, four.
Speaker 1:
[100:17] Do me a favor.
Speaker 8:
[100:18] I don't want to do a countdown before I do the scene. No countdown.
Speaker 1:
[100:20] Can we just do it off of action?
Speaker 3:
[100:22] Just in your own time.
Speaker 1:
[100:24] I'm not a rocket ship, okay?
Speaker 14:
[100:26] Cedric the Entertainer stars as Ced from the Steve Harvey Show, and he's the bitch friend. He goes in and out of his voice he would use on the Steve Harvey Show, where he would talk like this. Anyway, he's a bus driver with big dreams of getting rich by saving the world, Y2K, or selling pet cacti, or some shit I don't know. Somehow, despite being a colossal fuck up, he manages to pull Gabby Union by taking her on a date to stare at the Twin Towers. Cut to six years later. They're still broke, the towers are gone, and Gabby is resentful. I guess divorce didn't exist back then. The upstairs neighbors are Mike Epps, who is comedy incarnate and fine ass Regina Hall. Gabby over here is at the Librarium from Ghostbusters trying to sell her duplex to the original Marty McFly, and aside, she's going to subvert all American housing finance conventions, not to mention New York City housing market and capitalism itself, to buy it from her. Problem is, said blew their entire life savings of $4,000 on hairbrained schemes. Met Shabbish's t-shirts, buying a train, pretending to be blind, paying Pistario Vargas to train a greyhound they found in a golden dumpster. McFly finds out about the dog, so he pays off Silvia from Cinephobe, love me, kiss me, to not let the dog race. But said and Epsher mistaken for a Chinese duet, and they convince Silvia to let the dog race. The dog loses because it's a bingo, again, they found in a golden dumpster. Now said is broke and Gabby leaves him. But then said remembers the guy who he outbid to buy the train at the beginning of the movie, and sells it back to him for $20K so they buy the house because McFly's dumbass didn't think of outbidding until just now in the movie.
Speaker 5:
[101:56] Quack Attack is back, Jack!
Speaker 14:
[101:58] He didn't even say pow to the moon.
Speaker 13:
[102:00] All right, I'll go. Three, two, one. A portly New York City bus driver with absolutely no passengers makes an unsafe stop in order to holler at a woman. After wooing her with his relentless dance moves, he promises her to take her to the moon and the Brooklyn Bridge. He boasts about his doomed get-rich-quick schemes, while all this poor woman wants is a house to call a home. Six years later, after somehow locking her down, the bus driver and his sewer expert neighbor are tied up in a scheme dependent on the New York Mets to win the World Series. Despite the Mets actually doing it and proving it is a movie after all, their plan still fails because they didn't gamble on it. They bought bad merch sight unseen from an unnamed party. While his wife finds an old lady willing to give them an amazing deal on a duplex, the bus driver fritters away their savings on a variety of misguided pursuits. All because it's a 20 CB and she can't check the bank balance until she deposits a check. The bus driver plans to buy an antique train car and turn it into a tour bus. The only problem is it's located deep in a sewer with the Ninja Turtles with no way of getting out. So they pivot to turning a gray hound they literally find in a dumpster into a competitive racing dog overnight. Which of course brings John Leguizamo into the mix. A fast talking canine behaviorist con artist. This plot line goes on for a while, but eventually the dog doesn't win. The bus driver has been kicked out of the house and is now living in the train car where she realizes he can flip to the other guy who wanted to buy it for exactly the money needed to buy the duplex. As the two couples and Leguizamo toast their success within the gold bell is worth a million bucks. All right, Zach, three, two, one.
Speaker 1:
[103:41] The Honeymooners or Honeymooners is simply a movie about digging a pool in Encino by yourself. That's all this is. Fucking Cedric the Entertainer, bus driver, stops, dances around Gabrielle Union in fucking 2005, gets her, Sean Astin. Then he's going to get rich because the Mets are going to win the World Series and he's going to sell merchandise before anything else hits the streets. They do. Sean Astin. Then he's going to buy a train, turn it into a tour bus, and that's going to make them their riches. Sean Astin. Then through all of his fuck ups, getting rid of their $94 in savings and everything that they've worked their whole life, all she wants is for a house to be her own. She just wants her name on a deed. Through all this stuff, she decides to stick with him. Sean Astin. They find a dog. They decide to race it.
Speaker 13:
[104:43] Why?
Speaker 1:
[104:44] Because it's 2005 slash 1950s. And the dog doesn't win. And really this whole movie is just so, one, Cedric the entertainer can wear stupid fucking outfits and stupid hats. And two, they're trying to erase the fact that this was a show built on domestic abuse in the 50s.
Speaker 14:
[105:11] And they didn't even say the line.
Speaker 1:
[105:12] They kind of said the line. I'm going to drive you to the moon now, so whatever the fuck you say. Who cares if you lose the game? You got this off your chest. I mean, it's just One Night of Bar Trivia.
Speaker 3:
[105:27] One Night of Bar Trivia is San Chrisank.
Speaker 13:
[105:30] Trivia is San Chrisank. In February 1993, it was reported that Savoy Pictures had acquired the rights to The Honeymooners from CBS Entertainment for development as a feature film adaptation. Leonard B. Stern, who wrote many scripts for the original series, was employed by Savoy as a consultant during the film's development. Damon Wayans had wanted to star in the film and unsuccessfully lobbied for the producers to make Ralph Cramden African-American. Ultimately, Savoy selected Tom Arnold to play Ralph, but Arnold received a $4 million offer to star in a film version of Michael's Navy, which led to the film stalling in development. The producers also planned to excise Ralph's catchphrase, bang, zoom, out of concern for changing attitudes towards domestic violence.
Speaker 14:
[106:20] Concerned.
Speaker 1:
[106:20] Changing attitudes towards domestic violence?
Speaker 14:
[106:24] They're concerned about the attitudes changing.
Speaker 13:
[106:26] 93.
Speaker 14:
[106:27] Guys, I know we all think it's funny, but what's other people?
Speaker 13:
[106:31] So Zach, you know, Tom Arnold, right? That's interesting. What about in April, 2002? Who do you think they tried to relaunch it around in April, 2002?
Speaker 1:
[106:40] April, 2002.
Speaker 13:
[106:43] A white man.
Speaker 1:
[106:44] Uh, Jack Black?
Speaker 13:
[106:46] Development of The Honeymooners was reignited at Paramount Pictures after the studio's interest was peaked by James Gandolfini. Oh. Publicly stating his desire to play Ralph Cramden.
Speaker 14:
[106:57] I remember this.
Speaker 1:
[106:58] I watched The Supremacist.
Speaker 13:
[106:59] In August, 2003. So what is that? 14, 16 months later, it was reported that Cedric, the entertainer, had been cast as Ralph and filming would commence in October of that year.
Speaker 14:
[107:09] They got the quote at that point. That's my quote.
Speaker 1:
[107:11] That's my quote.
Speaker 13:
[107:12] That same month, Paramount hired Barry Bloustein and David Sheffield to provide an additional rewrite on the film after Saladin K. Patterson performed uncredited rewrites on the original script by Danny Jacobson. Saladin K. Patterson is black.
Speaker 14:
[107:29] Now Mayes, you mentioned James Gandolfini is being attached, but if you go back a little further, in the 90s, it was conceived as a vehicle for Keenan Thompson and Kel Mitchell. Wow. Playing re-imagined versions of Ralph and Ed respectively as a way to cash in on both the honeymooners and Keenan and Kel's populated time. However, due to disputes that never came to fruition, Keenan and Kel would instead end up starring in Good Burger.
Speaker 13:
[107:53] Now that timeline doesn't quite add up. They're not going to give it to Damon Wayans. Why would they give it to Keenan and Kel?
Speaker 14:
[108:00] And Kel are really popular.
Speaker 13:
[108:01] But that seems more like there would be Nickelodeon. Maybe Nickelodeon tried to get the rights to do the honeymooners with them.
Speaker 14:
[108:09] The opening scene, Zach, is Cedric the entertainer driving the bus and dancing, right? In the original honeymooners, Ralph Crandon was never seen on a bus. The only time he's seen on a bus is in promotional photos for the show. But the show itself, everything takes place either in the apartment or at the bus stop in the middle of the road.
Speaker 13:
[108:29] The film was released in theaters with a PG-13 rating from the MPAA for some innuendo and rude humor. However, for the DVD release, the rating was later changed to PG. I think we got the PG version.
Speaker 14:
[108:42] I think we did too.
Speaker 13:
[108:43] Art Carney's ex-wife Barbara visited the set and gave Mike Epps an autographed photo of Art Carney.
Speaker 1:
[108:49] I bet he has that.
Speaker 13:
[108:50] Epps was extremely flattered by the present.
Speaker 14:
[108:52] He said he was extremely flattered, Zach.
Speaker 1:
[108:55] Say 25 Liar.
Speaker 13:
[108:55] This one is insane. To a veil of tax breaks, certain sequences were filmed in Dublin, Ireland.
Speaker 1:
[109:03] What?
Speaker 14:
[109:03] Yeah, you know what they say, right? Some parts of the city are Dublin from New York.
Speaker 1:
[109:08] What?
Speaker 14:
[109:08] They're Dublin. They're Dublin from New York.
Speaker 13:
[109:10] He's trying to do the all-pass joke.
Speaker 14:
[109:12] Yeah.
Speaker 13:
[109:13] His penis is Dublin.
Speaker 14:
[109:14] Zach, the Honeymooners not only inspired the Flintstones, hence that Flintstones reference, but did you know that scene they go into the lodge, right? In the original Honeymooners, they do go to the lodge. Zach, do you remember what the name of their lodge was?
Speaker 1:
[109:28] I don't. No, not at all.
Speaker 13:
[109:29] All right, then, lodge.
Speaker 14:
[109:31] The Raccoons. I wonder why they didn't include that part. Huh?
Speaker 1:
[109:40] No, no, no, no, no.
Speaker 14:
[109:42] You want a full circle moment here, Zach? Inspired the Flintstones. Jackie Gleason actually thought about suing them, but then was like, I don't want to be the guy who's responsible for pulling the plug on the Flintstones to just let it be. But it inspired another show, Zach, another more modern show.
Speaker 1:
[109:56] King of Queens?
Speaker 14:
[109:57] King of Queens. Wow.
Speaker 13:
[109:59] Wow, fatly. As Zach read, Roger Ebert was notably one of the few critics to give this movie a positive review, and the opening of the movie was set in 1999. However, Ralph's bus features the American flag decal placed on buses following 9-11.
Speaker 1:
[110:18] Never forget.
Speaker 14:
[110:19] What happened on 9-11?
Speaker 13:
[110:20] Louis Pidoc? No.
Speaker 1:
[110:23] Nope.
Speaker 14:
[110:24] No what?
Speaker 1:
[110:24] We got a Tony Medley. In the sixth game of the 1934 World Series between the Detroit Tigers and the St. Louis Cardinals, the Cardinals Hall of Fame pitcher, 30 game winning Dizzy Dean, found himself on first base as a pinch runner. On a ground ball hit to second, Dean tried to break up the double play by going into second, standing up the throw from the shortstop hit Dean square in the head. An old dizz went down in a heap carried off the field unconscious. The headlines in Detroit papers the next day screamed, X-rays of Dean's head show nothing. That was pretty funny. It was funny 10 years later. It was still funny 20 years later. But after 71 years, it has lost its cache. The first joke in the honeymooners is based on this line, which surely has become hackneyed and no longer funny. That that line turns out to be the best line in the movie, shows how vacuous all the screenwriters who got writers guild credit, names like Danny Jacobson and David Sheffield and Barry Bloustein and Don Reimer are. When you see four names getting credit for the script, you know this is a troubled project. Maybe this was a punishment like do this or we'll give you credit on the honeymooners. But what can you expect from Sherry Lansing's Legacy of Paramount? She tried to remake Alfie, Disaster, The Longest Yard, which she remade is a lousy movie, but it's getting fairly good box office. Now with this, she has finally reached the bottom of the barrel in her retirement. This is one of the worst movies ever made. The script is an insult to the audience. Just as an example, Ralph, Cedric the entertainer, is in a hurry to get to a coffee shop by a certain time to stop a real estate deal. We don't know what time it is, but he gets on a bus and there's gridlock and he has to move. So what does he do? He goes and finds a phony uniform somewhere, puts it on somehow against all odds, immediately finds his buddy sewer worker, Norton Phil Epps, breaking in a new crew, listens to his speech, then reveals himself as a rejuvenating reconciliation with Norton. And they go merrily to the coffee shop through the sewer that would take hours in real life. But this is Paramount, and Ralph gets there just in time. What kind of intellect does it take to entitle this debacle after a revered sitcom and name the characters after characters apparently beloved by many played by Jackie Gleason and Art Carney? With those characters, the actors are going to necessarily be compared with the originals. Talk about disaster. If there was brilliance to the honeymooners of the 50s, it was that the stories were limited to the relationships among Ralph, his wife, Alice and Norton. We rarely saw them interfacing with third parties. Most of Ralph's schemes were in his head and only in our minds eye. He talked about them with Norton and Alice and they reacted to it. It was all about imagination and writing and acting. The honeymooners is nothing like that. There is nothing left to the imagination. We see Ralph carrying out his schemes. The writing is abysmal and the acting is on the same level. Cedric's Ralph is nothing like Gleeson's. Epps is so inept as Norton that his performance should go down as one of the worst in movie history. It's not funny, it's not anything but atrocious. This would have been dreadful had it had no connection with the honeymooners of the 1950s. By tying it to a classic TV sitcom, it made it just that much worse. I've seen lots of horrible movies this year. I can't imagine them getting any worse than this. Out of 10.
Speaker 14:
[113:45] It has to be zero.
Speaker 1:
[113:46] It's a zero.
Speaker 14:
[113:47] Finally I got one.
Speaker 1:
[113:48] Yeah.
Speaker 13:
[113:49] Ring that solid gold bell.
Speaker 1:
[113:51] I popped what he said in the 1934 World Series. That's how he started it.
Speaker 13:
[113:58] If we don't get him in before, Tony Medley's Honeymooners Review is up for 2026 Hall of Fame.
Speaker 1:
[114:05] 100 percent.
Speaker 13:
[114:05] I'm penciling it in right now.
Speaker 20:
[114:06] I'd like you all to do an experiment on a plan, something that may benefit mankind. And if you devise something that's ground breaking, I guarantee you an A in this course.
Speaker 2:
[114:18] Oh, well, hold on, man. You following me? You can't do that, Lionel. Look, man, if you don't want me to have a foreman job, I understand, but I need my fucking job, man.
Speaker 13:
[114:30] Louis Pinnock Accent Award. Entrees, you going to France for those?
Speaker 14:
[114:36] Funny line.
Speaker 13:
[114:37] Aight then Dodge, Barking Like a Dog. Aight then Dodge, Tony Montana. Aight then Dodge, Mickey from Rocky.
Speaker 1:
[114:43] Add one more.
Speaker 14:
[114:44] Mickey from Rocky wasn't Aight then Dodge. It was said.
Speaker 13:
[114:47] Cedric?
Speaker 14:
[114:48] But it just ended up sounding exactly like his white voice, but with a cigar in it. That's the only change.
Speaker 1:
[114:55] I would also nominate Amin's Cedric voice, which is my pick.
Speaker 14:
[114:59] It's Cedric's Cedric voice.
Speaker 13:
[115:00] Cedric's Cedric voice?
Speaker 1:
[115:02] All right. Let's show him with a horseman eye, guys.
Speaker 14:
[115:09] Yeah, we got soul.
Speaker 13:
[115:25] Live Horseman, Business, Exposition, Riddles, 20 CB, Wardrobe, Music Sting, Sean Astin.
Speaker 14:
[115:37] Breaking the fourth wall, what year is it? 20 CB versus 21st century, man.
Speaker 1:
[115:41] Comedy.
Speaker 14:
[115:42] Get to 90, you should not run a Pinkberry.
Speaker 1:
[115:44] I kinda like you should not run a Pinkberry.
Speaker 13:
[115:46] Business.
Speaker 1:
[115:47] What year is it?
Speaker 14:
[115:49] How many times did we get shit from the 50s, including the amounts, any dollar amount, but somehow they have cell phones, but she has to go to the bank to find out the balance. She couldn't even call the bank. No. No automated system. No, no, no. She had to go to the bank.
Speaker 13:
[116:02] Yeah. The only way she'd know.
Speaker 14:
[116:04] The down payment for a duplex in Brooklyn, New York was $20,000.
Speaker 13:
[116:10] Yeah.
Speaker 14:
[116:10] Guys, what year is this, man?
Speaker 1:
[116:12] Yeah, it's what year is this.
Speaker 14:
[116:14] The Mets won the World Series.
Speaker 13:
[116:16] What's Sean Astin?
Speaker 14:
[116:17] No, I mean, they have won a World Series before.
Speaker 13:
[116:19] What year is this is Sean Astin and 20CV mixed together?
Speaker 18:
[116:23] Breathe in through nose, out the mouth.
Speaker 13:
[116:27] Ass on, ass off. Michael Biehn Memorial Ass On Award, Cedric.
Speaker 14:
[116:47] Now hold on for a second. You about to tell me that I'm ass on because I talk like this sometimes.
Speaker 13:
[116:55] Yep.
Speaker 14:
[116:55] Unanimous.
Speaker 13:
[116:56] Running on a post.
Speaker 1:
[116:58] Well, like Cedric, not the entertainer, kind of his ass.
Speaker 13:
[117:00] Are you not entertained?
Speaker 14:
[117:01] I'm not.
Speaker 18:
[117:02] Check this out. $1,100 is exactly what I charge for acting classes. No, it isn't.
Speaker 16:
[117:09] Well, what are the chips?
Speaker 18:
[117:12] Universe?
Speaker 8:
[117:13] You've done it again.
Speaker 13:
[117:14] Harwethers Memorial Ass Off Award. Iggy the dog's reaction when he hears about getting bitches. Regina Hall is Trixie. Carol Woods is mama Gibson.
Speaker 14:
[117:23] I thought Gabby was good too.
Speaker 13:
[117:25] Sure.
Speaker 1:
[117:25] Yeah. Gabby's good. I think Mike Epps probably is the one for me.
Speaker 13:
[117:30] Really?
Speaker 14:
[117:31] As a ass off.
Speaker 13:
[117:32] I think he's okay.
Speaker 1:
[117:33] Or Phillips.
Speaker 14:
[117:34] If it's Phillips, yes, I'm with you.
Speaker 1:
[117:35] He actually wrote Phil Epps screwdriver.
Speaker 14:
[117:38] I'm going to go mama.
Speaker 1:
[117:40] Mama Gibson.
Speaker 13:
[117:40] Carol Woods. Cause she's never really acted before.
Speaker 14:
[117:43] Yeah. Mama Gibson.
Speaker 1:
[117:44] All right. That works. Yeah.
Speaker 14:
[117:45] Her cracking up at her own joke.
Speaker 13:
[117:46] The Jack lemon or the reverse Jack lemon. She waited to do it after.
Speaker 14:
[117:50] She made the joke first. Yeah.
Speaker 3:
[117:52] Are you good at keeping secrets?
Speaker 20:
[117:53] Absolutely. Cause I've got a present for you. Secret present outside by the dumpster. Is it a baseball mitt?
Speaker 3:
[118:00] It fits you like a baseball mitt.
Speaker 2:
[118:02] Like a glove. I hope.
Speaker 13:
[118:04] Golden Dumpster nominees. What men and women are actually talking about. Iggy the Dog's reaction when he hears about getting bitches. Leguizamo calling Kirby a self-made businessman. He started out with 5K and now he's 2 to 3 million dollars in debt. And Mike Epps breaking down crying in front of the violent crime convicts.
Speaker 14:
[118:22] Trixie saying, but I like the neckline, but then Gabby Union hits her. Never seen a Mets fan wear any of those. Maybe it's a throwback to this embodied voice of Mike Epps. Who's the sire? What's the sire? His damn. His damn what? His lineage. Are you talking about his tailor? He don't wear clothes. He wears a 10 inch seam. You carry your dog around on a rope? You siphon gas out of a car? How about I go get the entrees? Entrees? Where are you going to, France? I started out with nothing and I still got most of it left. Oh, this is mine. Lock it in. I just came from the bank. It's a funny story. Wanna hear it? This embodied voice.
Speaker 1:
[118:56] Let her know who's boss, Ralph. Mine's gonna be, I was born in China 80 years ago in a Chinese rice field.
Speaker 14:
[119:02] Gong him.
Speaker 13:
[119:03] Oh. No, as much as I enjoyed Iggy the dog's reaction, I do think that I need to talk about business. And like was almost calling Kirby a self-made business man. Cause now he's two to $3 million in debt. That's just how business works.
Speaker 1:
[119:17] Enter it.
Speaker 14:
[119:18] This is John Kirby. Oh, dog track.
Speaker 1:
[119:23] Well, I mean, you picked a motherfucker.
Speaker 13:
[119:28] Motherfucker.
Speaker 1:
[119:29] I like that. Overfile.
Speaker 14:
[119:31] The double qualifier, Tony Medley gave it a zero. I laughed a lot more than I thought I'd laugh. I definitely was unexpectedly amused several times in this movie. And you know what? Came this close to filing it. Until the whole, I gotta get to this place by 9 a.m. Literally the part that Tony Medley, it took me back to over the top. What are you doing? Why are we doing this?
Speaker 1:
[119:55] And I cannot in good conscious, even though I'd love to start the Cedric the Entertainer as the Black Kevin James.
Speaker 2:
[120:01] Watch your mouth.
Speaker 1:
[120:01] I just can't. This is a phobe for me.
Speaker 2:
[120:03] Watch your mouth.
Speaker 1:
[120:04] Mayes.
Speaker 2:
[120:04] Mayes. Oh, you phobes already.
Speaker 1:
[120:07] Oh, that's right. He did phobes.
Speaker 3:
[120:08] Super easy phobe.
Speaker 1:
[120:09] What was the moment, Mayes?
Speaker 3:
[120:11] When he loudly whispers.
Speaker 1:
[120:13] He was ex-positioning.
Speaker 3:
[120:14] That he bought the train in bed, which should have been a golden dumpster nominee. Cause of how fucking stupid it is. I believe that this could have been rebooted if Ralph Cramden was at all likable. If you believe that his wife liked him, if you believe that I'm supposed to like him, cause I want his schemes to succeed. None of that happened from the jump. He is a piece of shit. Fast forward six years. He's married. He's still a piece of shit. He's a bigger piece of shit. Who's fucked up more. He doesn't think at all about any of his plans. They're all fucking stupid. And he fails upwards, at least the ending. It's like, Oh, he's an idiot. At least that was the final note is he had a million dollar golden bell and he gave it away for 20 grand and a house payment. It's still awful. It's a phobe good riddance.
Speaker 2:
[121:07] Zach, I actually think most everybody in this movie does a pretty good job except for the main character.
Speaker 1:
[121:15] Sure.
Speaker 2:
[121:16] And as we went through it, I did realize I laughed at more points in the movie than I thought I did. There's some funny lines or whatever. Funny enough, from the cold open, White Man's Burden was mentioned, correct?
Speaker 1:
[121:30] Did that make the regular episode?
Speaker 2:
[121:31] No, but if you go get the extended cold open from the Patreon.
Speaker 1:
[121:34] How do you do that?
Speaker 2:
[121:35] I said in the intro of the show like I do every week. Sorry.
Speaker 1:
[121:41] Someone missed it earlier.
Speaker 2:
[121:42] I appreciate that. There is actually a movie here, but man, it is, it is so bad. I mean, the concept, whatever. White Man's Burden was mentioned in the cold open. And I mean, you know better than anybody, I'm an ally. I cannot in good conscience side with Tony Medley on a black movie. It is a tepid file with snacks, a lot of snacks.
Speaker 3:
[122:07] The 99 cent powdered sugar.
Speaker 2:
[122:09] 99 cent powdered sugar and Cracker Jacks. Was that a snack in the 50s? When did Cracker Jacks get invented?
Speaker 1:
[122:15] The 99 cent powdered sugar. What are you made of money?
Speaker 3:
[122:18] 99 cent powdered sugar and Cracker Jacks. That's how the song goes, right?
Speaker 2:
[122:21] I cannot be with Tony Medley.
Speaker 1:
[122:23] It's Nickel Taffy.
Speaker 2:
[122:25] What kind of Taffy?
Speaker 1:
[122:26] Nickel.
Speaker 2:
[122:27] Oh.
Speaker 1:
[122:28] Oh. Wait, this isn't a sweep. Hold on.
Speaker 2:
[122:31] I can't stand with Tony Medley.
Speaker 1:
[122:33] Tony Medley can't be right sometimes.
Speaker 2:
[122:35] I can't stand with Tony Medley on a black movie.
Speaker 1:
[122:38] He whispered black.
Speaker 3:
[122:40] That is your fulver file.
Speaker 2:
[122:41] Golden Duster, Ass on Ass Off, Five Horsemen, Lewis Pinnock, Plot Liftoff.
Speaker 3:
[122:45] A good idea for a get rich quick scheme you have.
Speaker 2:
[122:47] Confirmed to me you don't believe that Cedric the Entertainer is the black Kevin James. At Talk Hoops.
Speaker 1:
[122:51] Oh, maybe Kevin James is the white Cedric the Entertainer.
Speaker 2:
[122:53] Don't do that. Watch your mouth. At Northamine, at Corn Puzzle, at Cinephobe Pod, at Count The Dings, or drop to the Discord by being a Patreon member at patreon.com/count the dings.
Speaker 4:
[123:01] Next time we make love, you introduce me to Jade.
Speaker 3:
[123:25] My options were dog shit. I had to go down to my sixth movie to get one that qualified.
Speaker 1:
[123:29] Cause I watched it on my laptop. For some reason, it only gives you one suggestion. I got senseless.
Speaker 2:
[123:34] So I got three. Senseless was one of them.
Speaker 3:
[123:36] 35 in ticking doesn't qualify.
Speaker 1:
[123:39] That's one of the eight million Kevin Hart movies that are on Pluto TV.
Speaker 2:
[123:42] And then one that does qualify, what's the worst that could happen?
Speaker 3:
[123:45] Yeah, that's the one that I got sixth. My proposal to you guys is to honor the passing of Chuck Norris.
Speaker 1:
[123:53] Same note too, bro.
Speaker 3:
[123:54] We do a Pluto TV movie with Chuck Norris.
Speaker 1:
[123:57] They're all there.
Speaker 2:
[123:58] Chuck Norris is a mega piece of shit.
Speaker 1:
[124:01] Oh yeah, no, that's why we want to do this.
Speaker 2:
[124:03] Okay.
Speaker 1:
[124:04] Zach, when I tell you they're all available, I'm not trying to be facetious here. I have the filter on Delta Force, sidekicks, missing in action, invasion USA, the cutter, firewalker, eye to eye, the octagon, code of silence, the president's man.
Speaker 2:
[124:19] I typed in, I typed in side licks, which I think is in that DVD cover.
Speaker 1:
[124:23] Missing in action three.
Speaker 2:
[124:25] They all qualify?
Speaker 1:
[124:26] Dude, you, are you socially redacted?
Speaker 2:
[124:31] Whoa! All right, we're gonna do this?
Speaker 3:
[124:33] I think we should. I don't like that we only have one option.
Speaker 2:
[124:36] I mean, I like Danny DeVito and Martin Lawrence.
Speaker 3:
[124:39] It is your pick though, Zach. So I guess you could do, what's the worst that could happen or Chuck Norris movie.
Speaker 2:
[124:44] Well, because his brother, Aaron Norris, appears to have directed this one. RIP Jonathan Brandis. We're going with Sidekicks.
Speaker 1:
[124:53] Sidekicks is the one that we get the most. People want Sidekicks.
Speaker 2:
[124:57] Wait, wait, hold on. Have you seen the cover for Forest Warrior?
Speaker 1:
[125:00] Yeah. I'm telling you, man. I'm looking at all these shits right now.
Speaker 3:
[125:05] Look at this guy. Oh Lord.
Speaker 2:
[125:08] Forest Warrior, is it on there?
Speaker 3:
[125:10] 46%.
Speaker 1:
[125:11] What?
Speaker 3:
[125:12] Not on Pluto TV.
Speaker 2:
[125:13] McKenna, the spirit of Tanglewood Forests can transform into a bear, a wolf, or an eagle.
Speaker 1:
[125:20] That's it?
Speaker 2:
[125:20] With a gang of evil lumberjacks led by Travis Thorne arrive in Tanglewood to chop the forest down. McKenna cannot let this happen. With his new friends, Lords of Tanglewood, a band of children who love to play in the forest, he battles Thorne and his gang? This doesn't qualify?
Speaker 3:
[125:38] No one's seen it.
Speaker 2:
[125:39] Not one critic reviewed this. 500 ratings, voted down.
Speaker 3:
[125:44] Five stars from Brett G, clean family fun. Chuck Norris classic, fuck you, Brett G was my favorite growing up. And now it's a yearly watch for my three boys, a yearly watch.
Speaker 2:
[125:54] Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay.
Speaker 1:
[125:56] All right. Listen, there's a lot of shit on you.
Speaker 2:
[125:58] Bingo's you bingo's want to get on my good side.
Speaker 1:
[126:00] That shit up.
Speaker 3:
[126:01] This is the easiest one ever. They only have 500 plus reviews. You need like three negative reviews for forest warrior.
Speaker 2:
[126:07] You bingo's want to get on my good side. You want me to stop being mad at you talking to you, the audience, not these two Baba Dukes boat down forest warrior on Rotten Tomatoes. Get it under 40%. We'll get it to 40%.
Speaker 1:
[126:19] We'll break the Pluto TV. We'll break it. Just the fucking do them.
Speaker 2:
[126:24] Yes.
Speaker 3:
[126:24] Blake user Chuck Norris and one of his greatest acting exclamation point. What nice dialogues, exciting combats quote transformations over the top exclamation point. This is Chuck. It is best.
Speaker 1:
[126:38] I just want to make clear that it can only turn into three things, a bear, a wolf or an eagle. That's it.
Speaker 2:
[126:44] So we'll review to one star, a cinematic kidney stone.
Speaker 1:
[126:48] All right.
Speaker 3:
[126:48] Get forest warrior in there.
Speaker 2:
[126:50] It's $20 on Amazon.
Speaker 1:
[126:52] I'm buying it. Hard copy.
Speaker 2:
[126:55] Yes.
Speaker 3:
[126:55] DVD add to the collection sidekicks next week.