transcript

Speaker 1:
[00:01] This episode is brought to you by State Farm. You know those friends who support your preference for podcasts over music on road trips? That's the energy State Farm brings to insurance. With over 19,000 local agents, they help you find the coverage that fits your needs. So you can spend less time worrying about insurance and more time enjoying the ride. Download the State Farm app or go online at statefarm.com. Like a good neighbor, State Farm is there.

Speaker 2:
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Speaker 3:
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Speaker 4:
[01:22] You be you, I'll be Dan and you tell me that you're pregnant.

Speaker 5:
[01:27] Oh my god, I'm so excited for season two. I have some more big news for you.

Speaker 4:
[01:31] Okay.

Speaker 6:
[01:33] I'm pregnant.

Speaker 4:
[01:36] Wow.

Speaker 5:
[01:45] Okay, hey. Taylor.

Speaker 6:
[01:47] It's no out, you say it.

Speaker 4:
[01:48] Taylor.

Speaker 5:
[01:51] I'm not really a nicknames person. Hey, girl. Hey, thanks for having me back.

Speaker 6:
[01:54] Hey, it's so nice to have you.

Speaker 5:
[01:56] I look a little different this time.

Speaker 4:
[01:57] Well, you've switched up on everybody. You got big and famous, and you switched up on everybody.

Speaker 5:
[02:00] I know, this is the official week of me switching up.

Speaker 4:
[02:02] I haven't heard from you.

Speaker 5:
[02:03] I've switched up in like, it's been like two days, and you have not heard from me.

Speaker 4:
[02:06] You've been avoiding me.

Speaker 5:
[02:07] I know. Well, yeah.

Speaker 4:
[02:08] And then when you got here this morning, I said, hey girl, it's so good to see you. I love that we've been friends for so long. And you said, I'm sorry, remind me your name?

Speaker 5:
[02:15] Yeah.

Speaker 4:
[02:16] I'm going to call you Fat Gay Guy until I remember.

Speaker 5:
[02:18] That's what I've always called you to be fair.

Speaker 4:
[02:19] Yeah, that is fair.

Speaker 1:
[02:22] That's always been our thing, first of all.

Speaker 5:
[02:23] That's what you are on my phone.

Speaker 4:
[02:25] Oh, hold on, Fat Gay Guy's calling.

Speaker 5:
[02:27] Hello? I go, hey gorgeous.

Speaker 2:
[02:29] Hey gorgeous.

Speaker 5:
[02:30] I'm sorry that I slid into your DMs and sexually harassed you the other day, but I just found out about your gorgeous legs.

Speaker 4:
[02:37] Did you have sexually harass me the other day?

Speaker 5:
[02:38] Because you had your legs out on your story because you're wearing your little short shorts and you were posting it to, I think, receive that kind of attention. But as a woman, I understand that sometimes it's like I'm feeling I'm posting a sexy pic for me, not for you to be thirsty in my DMs.

Speaker 4:
[02:52] Yeah. I guess what I would say is obviously you're a close personal friend, you're a member of the family.

Speaker 5:
[03:00] Yeah.

Speaker 4:
[03:00] In many ways. So you can always talk about my body in any way you want to, positive, negative or otherwise.

Speaker 5:
[03:04] Oh, I didn't know if I could do negative.

Speaker 4:
[03:06] You can go negative.

Speaker 5:
[03:06] I'll try.

Speaker 4:
[03:07] The issue with me posting. Yeah. Look, I have incredible strong legs.

Speaker 5:
[03:11] I have this beautiful face. I'm learning I have a leg thing too.

Speaker 4:
[03:13] You have a leg thing.

Speaker 5:
[03:14] I think I have a leg thing.

Speaker 4:
[03:15] You totally do. I've heard you talk about Cobb's legs and it gets scary quick.

Speaker 5:
[03:17] Cobb has the most beautiful legs. I can't help it. I love when men have strong, muscular, gorgeous legs.

Speaker 4:
[03:23] I'm really strong. People don't like to talk about it, but here's the issue.

Speaker 5:
[03:25] You are really strong. One of our friends said one time that you flipped her over a couch and it made her kind of horny. Yeah.

Speaker 4:
[03:30] I hated that. I hated that. But the issue is, when I post things where I look sexy, when I'm specifically posting to be like... In that moment, I was actually posting because I was raising money for the transgender community.

Speaker 5:
[03:42] Right. Right.

Speaker 4:
[03:45] So if we could just insert some applause. The things I do for this community, I go out of my way, but I was posting leg to show how sexy I am, and guess what happens to me every time?

Speaker 5:
[03:52] Lesbians only.

Speaker 4:
[03:53] Lesbians only?

Speaker 7:
[03:55] Lesbians, get out of my DMs.

Speaker 5:
[03:56] I know. I know.

Speaker 4:
[03:57] They're gumming up the words.

Speaker 5:
[03:59] I know, but you kind of are like a Lesbian Hall Pass vibe.

Speaker 4:
[04:04] I want to cry. Do you know how many fucking screaming, barking, horny Lesbians I have to filter to find one eligible twinge?

Speaker 5:
[04:10] I don't know what it is. Like, I don't know. Like, because we've also gotten so down the rabbit hole of, like, do you dress like a Lesbian? Does a Lesbian dress like you? Where is the root of, you know what I mean? Like, what is it?

Speaker 4:
[04:23] Yeah.

Speaker 5:
[04:24] We can't. It would take us too long to trace it back. And what's the point?

Speaker 4:
[04:27] I think we figured it out. But yeah.

Speaker 5:
[04:29] And it's like you're, you always have them in tow.

Speaker 4:
[04:32] I know. I hang out with too many of them. I look, I love the Lesbian community. I've gotten in trouble in the past for speaking on them. Sorry, this is the only people I hang out with. I'm going to have to speak on them.

Speaker 6:
[04:41] Yeah.

Speaker 4:
[04:42] Yeah. They're always thirsting over me. And it's like they're in my DMs barking and I need the gay men. The gay men are in there.

Speaker 6:
[04:47] I just they're in there.

Speaker 4:
[04:48] They're being fucking overrun by these Lesbians.

Speaker 5:
[04:51] Do you think that they're being really respectful or something?

Speaker 4:
[04:53] The gay guys?

Speaker 5:
[04:54] Yeah.

Speaker 4:
[04:55] No.

Speaker 5:
[04:55] They're disgusting.

Speaker 4:
[04:56] They're disgusting animals and I want to have sex with them. Yeah. But the Lesbians are being even more disgusting. And the Lesbians are putting it in this way that's like, oh my God, I love your legs. Like, please, can I have your sperm for my partner?

Speaker 5:
[05:08] OK, I didn't ask that, but I might at one point.

Speaker 6:
[05:12] You mean it?

Speaker 5:
[05:13] Yeah.

Speaker 6:
[05:13] Oh my God, are you kidding?

Speaker 5:
[05:15] Are you kidding me? Are you kidding me?

Speaker 6:
[05:17] Of course.

Speaker 5:
[05:18] Yeah. Yes. Tell her. You're gorgeous. You're successful. Your baby pictures are loco.

Speaker 4:
[05:25] I want to give you my sperm. I mean, like in a totally medical clinical way.

Speaker 5:
[05:29] Fine.

Speaker 4:
[05:31] Are you going to have kids?

Speaker 5:
[05:33] I think about it. It's something I don't want to do until my forties, which is a little bit sooner than people might realize.

Speaker 4:
[05:41] Which is God knows how many years from now, by the way.

Speaker 5:
[05:43] It's soon the soon side, but I mean, deep in there. You know what I mean? I just think having kids is for your forties. And I think. But I am starting to like my friendship circle, like there are friends in my life where the whole crew has babies. And that's really insane. And I go, oh, but we're so young.

Speaker 4:
[06:00] I think you'd be an incredible and complicated mother.

Speaker 5:
[06:04] Well, yeah. Well, and I would be. I think I'd be. Yeah. Cobb and I joke a lot that like I'm actually the father, right? You know, because Cobb's a gentle Pisces.

Speaker 4:
[06:17] And I'm Italian to disciplinary.

Speaker 5:
[06:18] And I'm an Italian Gemini, which my mom was and Cobb's mom was like, Gemini moms are real and they're true. And they're out there.

Speaker 4:
[06:25] What is my mom if she was born on June 6th? That's no way. Oh my God. Are we learning something?

Speaker 5:
[06:31] Gemini mom, though, Gemini mom. I mean, that makes so much sense, but Gemini mom Aquarius son, strong bond to air signs.

Speaker 4:
[06:39] Wow. Yes. I do like her.

Speaker 5:
[06:41] Yes. You both have an analytical mind that works probably some really good similar, like emotional rhythms. Like I think if you had a really, really like too soft of a mommy, it might be like, I don't really, I can't do this right now.

Speaker 4:
[06:58] Yeah.

Speaker 5:
[06:58] I don't have this for you.

Speaker 4:
[07:00] Are you and your mom in sync like that?

Speaker 5:
[07:01] Well, we're born a day apart. Our birthdays are not born a day apart. Sorry. Our birthdays are a day apart. So we're very similar, I would say. Sometimes too similar, but other times, people tell me we're the exact same. So I look into my future, I say, okay, successful woman, hopefully long life, Italians live a nice long time.

Speaker 6:
[07:26] Oh, you're going to live a very long life.

Speaker 5:
[07:27] But then she also gets over-simulated and is sitting in the corner of a party on her iPad, and I go, I could see that for me too.

Speaker 4:
[07:32] Yeah.

Speaker 5:
[07:32] I could see that for me too.

Speaker 4:
[07:33] That's not you.

Speaker 5:
[07:35] It's not me when it's, I'm with friends.

Speaker 4:
[07:37] I'll tell you what's you, at my birthday party two years ago, when you were being freak nasty, making out on top of the pizzas.

Speaker 5:
[07:44] I was making out on top of the pizzas, and we were also blocking all of the joints, so people had to keep, like, sneak, like, getting behind us. But it's like, they're like, oh, and we, like, wouldn't stop. It was really disgusting. I've apologized individually to so many people for that.

Speaker 4:
[08:00] Well, that year, my birthday party was about lesbians in the transgender community.

Speaker 5:
[08:03] Yes, and never again.

Speaker 4:
[08:05] That was that year?

Speaker 5:
[08:05] And never again.

Speaker 4:
[08:06] No, we don't know. We'll see what's needed this year. It was randomly sort of totally out of my control, unfortunately, was about gay guys. Yeah. I never wanted this year to be about gay guys. I have no idea how it happened.

Speaker 5:
[08:16] You were just saying you wanted to hear more from them.

Speaker 4:
[08:18] I want to hear from them in private and have sex with them. I don't want them to be publicly at my birthday party making out with other gay guys. That actually was kind of hot. But...

Speaker 5:
[08:25] Yeah. I liked when the other lesbians were making out at your birthday party last year. I loved that.

Speaker 4:
[08:30] Yeah.

Speaker 5:
[08:31] When all the George Washingtons were making out.

Speaker 4:
[08:32] Yeah.

Speaker 5:
[08:33] It was a group of lesbians dressed like George Washington, sexy George Washington. OK, that's all you have to know. But there was a thrill to it. It's like for us, it was like someone would run over and be like, the George Washingtons are kissing. And then everyone would go see. It was lovely.

Speaker 4:
[08:47] It was lovely.

Speaker 5:
[08:48] It was really lovely.

Speaker 4:
[08:49] What do you think you will be best at as a parent and worst at?

Speaker 5:
[08:53] I will be worst at trying to control the situation. I already know that.

Speaker 4:
[09:00] How do you mean?

Speaker 5:
[09:01] Well, it's like kids are their own people. My dad has explained this to me a million times that you can make all the plans you want to. You can think these kids are going to be a mix of the two of us, but it's not. It's like an alien that gets beamed down into your mom's belly and comes out with a fully formed individual personality. And you're kind of like, where did you learn that? What are you talking about? And so that is tough is like remembering that it's like I have so much in common with this person. They walk like me, they talk like me, they eat like me, but it's it's they're from another planet and they act, I can't control them and I can't keep them safe. That scares the shit out of me too. Mom's always like waking up at 3am wandering the halls of the house because they have this unsettled sort of like heart outside their body experience where they can't, she can't keep me from doing something dangerous or risky.

Speaker 4:
[09:50] She can just leave that phone on the nightstand. And they do. They got that phone on.

Speaker 5:
[09:55] They have it on sound on.

Speaker 4:
[09:57] Yeah, they're ready.

Speaker 5:
[09:58] Notifications forwarded to iPad on.

Speaker 4:
[10:01] OK, the iPad.

Speaker 5:
[10:02] I'm not do you use your mom on the iPad? No. Oh, my mom loves the iPad. I thought it was like a boomer thing.

Speaker 4:
[10:08] No, she's not. Well, how old is your mom?

Speaker 5:
[10:10] My mom is older. She just sorry, wiser, sorry, mature. She she's turned 70. She's in it. Yeah, she's officially 70. But you would never know.

Speaker 4:
[10:21] I don't want to flex on you and your mom.

Speaker 5:
[10:23] Yeah, this is obviously like sneaky young, right?

Speaker 4:
[10:25] 52.

Speaker 8:
[10:26] That is crazy.

Speaker 5:
[10:29] I don't how old was I when my mom was 52? So she's actually don't say she's playing Roblox like, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 4:
[10:38] She's 20 years away from even she's vaping, playing Roblox.

Speaker 5:
[10:42] You're not vaping.

Speaker 4:
[10:42] No, no, no, no, no.

Speaker 5:
[10:44] We should get her one.

Speaker 4:
[10:44] She did. She has gotten into weed suckers, though.

Speaker 5:
[10:47] OK, my mom did try edibles. Yeah, but she's like doesn't like to be. My mom is like not a substance girl. No, yes, she likes to be alert and engaged.

Speaker 4:
[10:56] Yeah. What do you think you didn't say what you'd be best at, which is interesting?

Speaker 5:
[11:02] What would I be best at? Honestly, I think the thing that all Gemini moms are the best at is kind of like being a kid. Yeah, like thinking how a kid thinks, being kind of fun, being kind of silly, like my parents are very strict, but my mom has a very silly side and she is genuinely funny. Yeah. And so I think you can kind of like I, when I'm around babies and when I'm around kids, I am a child and I think they appreciate that.

Speaker 4:
[11:24] They like that.

Speaker 5:
[11:25] They like that. And you have to be honest about it because they don't like when it's put on.

Speaker 4:
[11:28] Yeah.

Speaker 5:
[11:28] Some people are never kids.

Speaker 4:
[11:30] That's true.

Speaker 5:
[11:31] You know. Yeah, I was going to say it's in the eyes. It's been in the eyes forever.

Speaker 7:
[11:35] You know what I mean?

Speaker 5:
[11:37] But that's why we'd be so good if you think about it, because we need that. We need your sort of like you're on one of your later lives in the cycle of reincarnation where I'm on like probably my third.

Speaker 4:
[11:47] You think you're on your third?

Speaker 5:
[11:48] I'm definitely on a newer one. I can tell when I interact with older souls that I go, I don't have whatever that is. I have way more trial and error in my life. Way less certainty.

Speaker 7:
[11:58] Yeah.

Speaker 5:
[11:59] You know?

Speaker 7:
[12:00] Yeah. That makes sense to me.

Speaker 5:
[12:02] And people always think I'm younger than I am. It's that. It's that. They're picking up on that.

Speaker 4:
[12:06] I think it's your skin.

Speaker 5:
[12:07] Thank you.

Speaker 4:
[12:07] You're welcome. You fished and you caught one, baby. You throw that line out with me, you're going to catch one.

Speaker 5:
[12:14] My mom's 70. She doesn't have a single forehead wrinkle. Hello.

Speaker 4:
[12:16] Hello. I like that.

Speaker 5:
[12:18] Her head's only about this big Italian low hairline, but you have a small forehead. I do.

Speaker 4:
[12:23] I've only just noticed.

Speaker 5:
[12:24] Do you know that I was born without one? I started at the eyebrows, went fully back. My hairline. Let me explain it to you.

Speaker 4:
[12:32] I beg your pardon.

Speaker 5:
[12:33] Let me explain it to you. Yeah, I had a hairline that started. So no eyebrows, just eyes. And then boom, we're going to start the hairline here.

Speaker 4:
[12:41] Yeah.

Speaker 5:
[12:41] Then it's going to go around the head. My mom was born hair all over the face and forehead.

Speaker 4:
[12:48] What?

Speaker 5:
[12:50] Fully covered in hair.

Speaker 4:
[12:52] What's going on? Are you serious?

Speaker 5:
[12:53] Yes.

Speaker 4:
[12:54] What happened? You just grew into it?

Speaker 5:
[12:56] I think that's just like a Mediterranean thing.

Speaker 6:
[12:58] I just think that that's...

Speaker 4:
[13:00] Yeah, I don't mean to be insensitive.

Speaker 5:
[13:02] It all fell out. But it still grew back pretty well.

Speaker 7:
[13:06] When it all, it all falls out.

Speaker 4:
[13:11] Clip that. Because we ate a little bit on that one.

Speaker 5:
[13:13] Can we afford that? Yeah, no, I think about this a lot. And Toba, are you paying attention? Why do you sit so close? It's on her phone. Wait.

Speaker 4:
[13:22] Toba, be on your phone for me.

Speaker 5:
[13:23] I always wonder, and I'm so surprised that she hasn't pitched this, because at some point we should do like our song, Song Blue, whatever that is. Like we do need to be...

Speaker 4:
[13:31] Dibs on Kate Hudson.

Speaker 5:
[13:32] When, yeah, oh, okay.

Speaker 4:
[13:35] I get to play the girl. It's the only way for us to reinvent this form. If I play the boy and you play the girl, it's like, okay, I'm going to fucking fall asleep. We've seen this a million times. If you play the boy and I play the girl, Portlandia style, and I'm a Nelto. I don't know what I am.

Speaker 5:
[13:50] I think you could get.

Speaker 4:
[13:51] I'll go high for the movie.

Speaker 5:
[13:54] Yeah.

Speaker 4:
[13:54] What's it called? What's the movie about?

Speaker 5:
[13:57] Do you think that we could be like hardscrabble folk singers, or would it have to be like pop music? Pop music could be really fun, like in what's the movie with Lady Gaga?

Speaker 4:
[14:07] It has to be pop. Bradley Cooper, Stars Born.

Speaker 5:
[14:11] Stars Born, when she does her Allie era in that, I only remember the pop star's name, not any of the rest of the movie. But a whole movie about that era, like when we go pop.

Speaker 4:
[14:21] I think we do really good with pop.

Speaker 5:
[14:23] We would do so good with pop. And really fun outfits, fun choreo. The choreo is going to be hard, but we could do it.

Speaker 4:
[14:30] I just came up with the movie.

Speaker 5:
[14:31] What is it? Oh my god, you're so funny. Yes.

Speaker 4:
[14:34] We're a pop duo. Yeah. Okay. We started out rare. We had humble beginnings. We are legitimately good musicians.

Speaker 5:
[14:41] And you're saying like we weren't put together by a producer.

Speaker 6:
[14:43] We are like, no, we're a duo that we chose.

Speaker 4:
[14:46] And then they, the machine gets a hold of us and they're like, you have to lip sync. It's the only way everyone does it. We do it.

Speaker 5:
[14:51] Scandal.

Speaker 4:
[14:52] We have a Milli Vanilli style controversy. Blame it on the rain. And I will. Then everything falls apart, gets taken from us.

Speaker 5:
[14:59] We blame each other.

Speaker 4:
[15:01] We fall out. We go apart.

Speaker 5:
[15:03] And we're doing like, one of us quits music. The other one starts doing like the music they've always wanted to make, but it's like too weird for consumption.

Speaker 4:
[15:09] Yeah. And we, it's a darkest night moment where we're separate. The music is bad. The music is nonexistent. We come back together and we decide to do it our way. Everyone says it won't work. And guess what?

Speaker 7:
[15:19] It works.

Speaker 4:
[15:20] It does.

Speaker 5:
[15:21] And we save the best song for that. But then we also like come back with our hit.

Speaker 7:
[15:24] Yeah.

Speaker 5:
[15:24] And people are crying.

Speaker 4:
[15:25] Oh, and I already know the songwriters we're going to work with.

Speaker 5:
[15:27] Really? Oh my gosh.

Speaker 4:
[15:29] Yeah.

Speaker 5:
[15:30] We're getting Justin Tranter involved. Yes, we have to. We have to.

Speaker 4:
[15:32] We're getting so many people involved.

Speaker 5:
[15:34] It's going to be really, really good. And I do think it's like it's going to chart.

Speaker 4:
[15:37] I think it's going to chart. And I think that Hollywood is ready.

Speaker 5:
[15:40] I think that they've been ready. And I think if anything, we're just so busy right now that we can't pay it the mind that it needs to be paid. But when the time is right, we have to make it a priority.

Speaker 4:
[15:51] Yeah.

Speaker 5:
[15:51] Sometimes you have to make space for something like that.

Speaker 4:
[15:54] You and I are both in this moment career-wise sort of stepping out of our big red clown shoes.

Speaker 6:
[15:59] I know we are.

Speaker 4:
[15:59] And into our rubitance.

Speaker 5:
[16:01] I know.

Speaker 6:
[16:03] I know. I know.

Speaker 5:
[16:05] It's really hard to stay in your big red clown shoes.

Speaker 4:
[16:08] Well, we've got a big red clown shoe on one foot in the shadows.

Speaker 5:
[16:11] Yes. We'll never take it off. What is so funny is I've started doing improv again, which is kind of crazy timing because the clown shoe doesn't get bigger or redder than that.

Speaker 4:
[16:21] That's the biggest reddish clown shoe.

Speaker 5:
[16:23] That's the biggest form of surrender you can possibly.

Speaker 4:
[16:25] The movie is called Big Red Clown Shoe, by the way.

Speaker 5:
[16:27] Oh, I love that. I love, yeah. And it make that doesn't have to tie back to anything in the film itself.

Speaker 4:
[16:32] No.

Speaker 5:
[16:32] We are, how do you feel? Like, do you feel sad or do you feel like, no, I was always meant to do this?

Speaker 4:
[16:38] About my career?

Speaker 5:
[16:39] About, no, about stepping out of your big red clown shoes. Like, is there any part of you that's like...

Speaker 4:
[16:45] I don't know that I actually am. I think I'll always wear the big red clown shoe by virtue of being like a fat gay guy. I think you're going to step into like chic fashion girl very soon. Like, you're going to have...

Speaker 5:
[16:54] I hope.

Speaker 4:
[16:54] You're going to have a perfume campaign soon and I'm going to have to like be supportive. Thank you. Even though I'm kind of like, why aren't they letting her be silly? I'm going to be a little mad because they're going to make you be like brooding in it.

Speaker 6:
[17:03] Right. I'm working on that.

Speaker 4:
[17:05] I'm going to share it and be like, so proud of my girl. And I am. But then I'm also going to be like, why aren't they letting her be silly? They're wasting...

Speaker 5:
[17:10] And you're going to be a little bit like... You know.

Speaker 7:
[17:12] I'm going to be like, let her be silly.

Speaker 5:
[17:13] I know. Well...

Speaker 4:
[17:14] You're clipping her wings.

Speaker 5:
[17:15] Cobb always does say that it's like... You're clipping her clown shoes and Cobb always does say that, like, my... The way that I look sometimes is like a bit of a prank. It doesn't really match. Like, the person... You can't sell... Like, I can't be my full true self if I'm trying to sell a perfume.

Speaker 4:
[17:31] They can't... Yeah.

Speaker 5:
[17:32] Right.

Speaker 6:
[17:32] It's time to...

Speaker 4:
[17:34] You're going to have to be so somber.

Speaker 5:
[17:36] I can't. I can't be saying what I'm thinking.

Speaker 6:
[17:39] No.

Speaker 4:
[17:39] If they saw you be as silly as you really are. If they saw the clown shoes, if they really saw your clown shoes...

Speaker 6:
[17:45] I know.

Speaker 4:
[17:45] Girl, if they really saw your clown shoes, they would run.

Speaker 5:
[17:48] I know. I know. And that's why the clown shoes don't exist. I'm like every other woman who is just relatable enough, but ultimately you'll never really know her.

Speaker 4:
[18:00] And you know, Jennifer Lawrence had to take a big break from being in the spotlight because she let her clown shoes get too visible.

Speaker 5:
[18:07] I know. But back then, it was sort of like they were making them. I do feel like they were making the girls have one clown shoe under the gown.

Speaker 4:
[18:16] Yeah.

Speaker 5:
[18:16] Remember they were like, there would be a peek of the clown shoe, a peek of the Ronald McDonald on them. Because they were making those girls fall all over the place.

Speaker 4:
[18:27] They always had to have a red nose in the purse.

Speaker 5:
[18:29] They were like borderline tripping them up the Oscar stairs. They said, you want this? Crawl for it.

Speaker 4:
[18:35] Keep a bunch of scarves up your sleeve, bitch.

Speaker 5:
[18:37] They were not better. Never.

Speaker 4:
[18:39] And then to talk about like Taco Bell or whatever.

Speaker 5:
[18:41] I know.

Speaker 4:
[18:41] If I had an interview, they'd be like, God, I wish I had a chalupa right now.

Speaker 5:
[18:45] I do wish I had a. I do love Taco Bell. I have to. I almost probably have to talk about it less.

Speaker 4:
[18:48] You had their new chicken nuggets.

Speaker 5:
[18:50] Yeah, I love their nuggets.

Speaker 4:
[18:51] Their nuggets are actually in the cheese, which I don't know if is the recommended sauce, but they have a they have a honey mustard jalapeno situation that I'm dipping the nuggets in.

Speaker 5:
[19:02] I'm only doing it in the cheese. I'm getting a side of cheese every time now. I'm doing it once or twice a week.

Speaker 4:
[19:06] You're twice a week dipping the chicken nuggets in the cheese.

Speaker 5:
[19:10] Could you ever see yourself? This job doesn't exist anymore. But remember when you I don't even know if you're too young for this. But when your mom would take you to like a stride right as a kid, like at the mall, it's like a children's shoe store. They don't have those anymore.

Speaker 4:
[19:22] Stride right?

Speaker 5:
[19:23] Yes. It was a children's shoe store in the nineties and you would go and a woman would that might have been regional by the way.

Speaker 4:
[19:29] I don't even know if that's like a tiny thing.

Speaker 5:
[19:31] And a woman would fit your tiny foot in one of those metal shoe measures and then bring out a tiny little children's shoe for you to try on and one time I went to do it and the woman who was sizing my foot at the stride right was my preschool teacher and I was like, whoa, I was like, let me help you up. You shouldn't be down there. Get off the floor girl. I go, you're an educator. Get up. Don't be down. I'll go in the back and get my own little tiny shoe.

Speaker 4:
[19:56] Did y'all have money growing up?

Speaker 5:
[19:59] No, I mean, like, no, like we lived in like the Jersey suburbs. So like enough to live on in a coastal state, which I hear I fear the property tax is probably insane.

Speaker 4:
[20:09] Yeah, we just getting fitted for anything. No one ever fitted us for anything.

Speaker 5:
[20:12] No, you'd have to. Well, because back then you had to buy everything in the stores. You can't like go on like Amazon and order like baby shoes never worn.

Speaker 4:
[20:18] Yeah, I was born in 1995. I just don't want we didn't go to any stores and give it for anything.

Speaker 5:
[20:24] Okay. Yeah. And it's so close. But there's like a couple of memories I have. No, you just had to go to get everything at the mall or in the stores.

Speaker 4:
[20:31] Yeah, we did.

Speaker 5:
[20:32] You couldn't really order.

Speaker 6:
[20:33] There wasn't an Internet ordering situation.

Speaker 4:
[20:35] We had to drive.

Speaker 5:
[20:36] You thought that we were rich and someone was coming to the house to fit me with like gilded baby shoes.

Speaker 7:
[20:41] No, I know.

Speaker 4:
[20:43] I totally understood that you're going to a store. I just like we weren't going into stores where people fit us like we were shopping at like goodies.

Speaker 5:
[20:50] Yeah, I think that's why the business model doesn't exist anymore is like I don't know that like kids don't really have the purse strings, you know, so like to be treating kids like little princes and like sitting them on the chairs and fitting their shoes when they're not going to buy like a pair of Manolo's is crazy. How much can a pair of like in the nineties could a pair of children's shoes have cost?

Speaker 4:
[21:07] Oh God, anywhere from 20 to 30 cents.

Speaker 5:
[21:10] I'm going to be so bummed if that's correct.

Speaker 4:
[21:13] Can you imagine?

Speaker 5:
[21:14] It just makes me feel old for anything to cost under a dollar.

Speaker 4:
[21:17] Yeah.

Speaker 5:
[21:17] In my lifetime.

Speaker 4:
[21:18] Yeah. I remember how much money was to you when you were a kid.

Speaker 5:
[21:20] Oh my God. I remember one time my mom and this was probably like barely mid nineties. My friend's mom wanted to take us to McDonald's and my mom gave me $10 and I was like, will this be enough? It's like, girl, that's enough for six years of McDonald's back then.

Speaker 4:
[21:35] You could eat for decades on that.

Speaker 5:
[21:36] She's like, you'll be good.

Speaker 4:
[21:37] Yeah.

Speaker 5:
[21:37] You'll be fine.

Speaker 4:
[21:39] God, I wish we would have bought property back then.

Speaker 5:
[21:41] I know.

Speaker 4:
[21:41] Specifically in New York.

Speaker 5:
[21:43] Yeah, you think New York.

Speaker 4:
[21:44] You hear about all these old painters that like bought like, like I have a friend who's like a painter's assistant or whatever the fuck, studio assistant to a painter that like was a decently working painter in the 90s and bought like a loft in SoHo and now has like a fucking floor through loft in SoHo that's been owned outright for like 15 years.

Speaker 5:
[22:03] And I'll never have that.

Speaker 4:
[22:04] God, I'll never fucking be like you.

Speaker 5:
[22:06] We'll never have that. I mean, and there's no other, it's not like we can like establish ourselves in a new city. Like that's not going to happen anymore. The past was the main time and this is whatever's left.

Speaker 4:
[22:18] So the past was the main time.

Speaker 5:
[22:20] Yeah.

Speaker 9:
[22:21] And this is whatever's left.

Speaker 4:
[22:22] And there's a clown shoe peeking out from the gown.

Speaker 5:
[22:24] There is. But you know what? We're making the most of it.

Speaker 4:
[22:27] We are.

Speaker 5:
[22:27] We're making the most of it. You have to.

Speaker 4:
[22:30] I have a question for you.

Speaker 5:
[22:31] Yes.

Speaker 4:
[22:31] Do you think that when you use my sperm to have a baby, yeah, do you think I'll get to have a relationship with the baby or do I have to be like totally uninvolved?

Speaker 5:
[22:40] That would be great. Can you imagine?

Speaker 4:
[22:42] I want to be involved with baby.

Speaker 5:
[22:43] Of course.

Speaker 4:
[22:45] I'll have my own babies as well, but I want your baby to know that I'm part of the baby.

Speaker 5:
[22:47] And you would be like comfortable with that. You like wouldn't even care. Like you'd have your own babies and then you would be like.

Speaker 4:
[22:51] Totally completely. And I'd be like, hey, by the way, Aunt Taylor's kid, Jebediah.

Speaker 5:
[22:56] Yes. Yeah. And that is the name.

Speaker 4:
[22:58] Is your sibling.

Speaker 5:
[22:59] Yes. They would love it. I think they would really love it. I just think there's.

Speaker 4:
[23:04] Your kid's going to be they them.

Speaker 5:
[23:06] Well, yeah. My kid will be there.

Speaker 4:
[23:07] Your kid has no chance of being cis.

Speaker 5:
[23:09] I think that there's no. Well, we talk about this a lot. I think that there is a chance. But well, like this refractory thing where maybe we end up with this really straight cis child, you know?

Speaker 4:
[23:24] I fear that.

Speaker 5:
[23:26] And we would have to support him. And there's just so many things I don't want to sit through.

Speaker 4:
[23:36] Yeah.

Speaker 5:
[23:37] There's, I mean, I will.

Speaker 4:
[23:41] I fears.

Speaker 5:
[23:41] What if he doesn't do any theater to be well-rounded? What if he doesn't do? And I already, by the way, Taylor, I didn't do theater. Don't want to sit through children's theater either.

Speaker 4:
[23:48] I didn't do theater. And so you might be putting that in their genes.

Speaker 5:
[23:50] What were you doing?

Speaker 4:
[23:51] His genes.

Speaker 5:
[23:51] Were you playing a sport? You were kicking the ball around with those. I know you were.

Speaker 4:
[23:54] I was playing a sport.

Speaker 6:
[23:55] I was playing sports.

Speaker 4:
[23:56] And I was doing student government, like the true psychopath that I was.

Speaker 5:
[23:59] Yeah, you were.

Speaker 4:
[24:00] You know?

Speaker 6:
[24:00] Yeah, you were.

Speaker 4:
[24:01] And so you have that to deal with. And I tell you, my little cousins, they're the sweetest boys in the whole world. I would die for them. I love these boys. I have a fear of when they get to high school and they start hanging out with just other boys, and that's what happens. I have a fear of who's going to show up to Thanksgiving.

Speaker 5:
[24:16] Do you think they... Because what if they turn out to be... Do you think a weird friend on like a...

Speaker 4:
[24:20] No, I mean, how they're going to show up to Thanksgiving?

Speaker 5:
[24:22] Oh, them. I was going to say, I thought you were talking about the kind of thing where how tweens will get to take a random friend on vacation. I was always like the friend or something, but if that scares me as a parent too, is taking somebody else's kid on vacation.

Speaker 4:
[24:35] I would, I'm saying no to that.

Speaker 5:
[24:37] Yeah.

Speaker 4:
[24:37] No, you're not bringing your friends on vacation.

Speaker 5:
[24:38] That's called having siblings.

Speaker 4:
[24:40] I'm not spending my vacation with your little friend. You've lost your mind.

Speaker 5:
[24:44] No.

Speaker 4:
[24:45] You're going to play Scrabble with Daddy and go to bed.

Speaker 5:
[24:47] Also, that scares me. What if it, what if they drown?

Speaker 4:
[24:49] Right. Right. Of course.

Speaker 5:
[24:52] And I have to carry that guilt around with me for the rest of my life.

Speaker 4:
[24:54] Yeah. I don't think they would drown, right? Cause you would just be watching them.

Speaker 5:
[24:58] Yeah. But you never know. What if they're drinking behind my back?

Speaker 4:
[25:03] Yeah. Kids do that.

Speaker 5:
[25:05] I know.

Speaker 4:
[25:05] I had kids, you know, it's so, I mean, this is actually horrible, but I did. Sorry. It's funny. I, when I worked, when I was in college, I was like, uh, basically an RA at Columbia University.

Speaker 5:
[25:15] Perfect.

Speaker 4:
[25:17] Hello. For like high school students that were in like an exchange program or whatever in the summers. And they had a curfew and they were like, had to go to bed and we would like, we would like check them into the building and be like, you're in bed for the night. Do not leave this building. And we would do rounds of like watching the building or whatever. We had a group of kids sneak out, get very drunk and come back and get caught.

Speaker 5:
[25:37] And then we were like, they were just walking in the front.

Speaker 4:
[25:39] Yeah. We were like, what happened? Why did you get drunk? Yeah. And they were like, a homeless guy made us. He made us. He like came up.

Speaker 5:
[25:48] I hate that agenda.

Speaker 4:
[25:49] I know. I know the homeless agenda. Always trying to get the kids drunk.

Speaker 5:
[25:52] The homeless agenda of getting teens drunk on vacation.

Speaker 4:
[25:54] And we were like, I'm sorry. A homeless person came to you with alcohol that they had and said, you have to drink this before you go back to your dorm.

Speaker 5:
[26:03] Yes.

Speaker 4:
[26:04] And they're like, yeah, it was scary. And I was like, you guys are fucked in the head.

Speaker 5:
[26:07] They're like, we didn't want to.

Speaker 4:
[26:09] These people are living on the streets and you're going to fucking blame.

Speaker 5:
[26:12] You're sick.

Speaker 4:
[26:13] How dare you? You're sick.

Speaker 5:
[26:14] That's almost worse than you sneaking out.

Speaker 4:
[26:16] You're sick.

Speaker 5:
[26:17] But you'll only be penalized for sneaking out.

Speaker 4:
[26:18] You're idiots because you came in through the front where there's cameras. Now I have to report it. If you'd come in through the back, I could have let you go.

Speaker 5:
[26:24] I know, but locking kids in is begging them to break out.

Speaker 4:
[26:27] I know.

Speaker 5:
[26:27] It's like it excites them too much. It terrified me as a kid. I was not sneaking out.

Speaker 4:
[26:32] Really?

Speaker 5:
[26:33] No, no. But my best friend when we were younger liked to push the boundaries. And we would go on a trip and they would tape your doors. They would tape on your doors and she would ease it. She was wild. We were roomed together for one trip. So obviously, it's like, don't break my tape on my room. If I'm not going anywhere, I would dutifully go to bed. And she would ease the tape open and then she would come back in the morning. And I'm like, she would like have bangs like another girl. She's like, I let Kelsey cut my hair. And I go, so that's pretty obvious that you're like out of the room. You're like micro bangs. So you might have eased the tape, but now you're fucking been jagged micro bang.

Speaker 4:
[27:09] God damn it.

Speaker 5:
[27:10] Yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 4:
[27:12] I want to get bangs.

Speaker 5:
[27:13] Get it.

Speaker 4:
[27:14] That's the problem is this perception of me. You don't think I'm a bad boy.

Speaker 5:
[27:19] No, I think you're a good student.

Speaker 4:
[27:22] Okay.

Speaker 5:
[27:23] And you are.

Speaker 4:
[27:24] You don't. But you don't think I could become a bad boy.

Speaker 5:
[27:26] I think you could be the best student of becoming a bad boy.

Speaker 4:
[27:32] That's sick.

Speaker 5:
[27:33] I think you're diligent and you're committed. And I think that if anyone could do it, you could do it. But it would bump against some of your other commitments.

Speaker 4:
[27:40] Do you think you're a bad boy?

Speaker 5:
[27:42] Yeah. I think that like I've never wanted to be. I've never wanted to be. And I'm the best I've ever been in my life. Slow up.

Speaker 4:
[27:48] You are not a bad boy.

Speaker 5:
[27:49] I'm at least border. I'm at least type B, at least. Taylor, I am a little bit.

Speaker 4:
[27:54] You think you're a bad boy.

Speaker 5:
[27:55] I think I'm struggling every day since birth to be a good boy.

Speaker 4:
[27:58] You came in full glam to the podcast. That's not a bad boy behavior. You look stunning. You're in a huge hit Netflix show.

Speaker 5:
[28:05] Thank you.

Speaker 4:
[28:05] You're in one of the biggest Netflix shows.

Speaker 5:
[28:06] I'm really on top of it. But for a long time, like when I was younger, I'd always be like, how am I in trouble again?

Speaker 4:
[28:10] Yeah. What'd you get in trouble for?

Speaker 5:
[28:12] I have a good.

Speaker 4:
[28:13] What's the biggest trouble of your twenties?

Speaker 6:
[28:15] Of my twenties?

Speaker 4:
[28:16] Sorry. Yeah. Sorry. The last thing. Yeah. Sorry.

Speaker 5:
[28:21] I don't even remember my twenties that good, but-

Speaker 4:
[28:24] That's why I started to feel bad. What's the biggest-

Speaker 5:
[28:26] I know. You were like, there's no way she remembers that far back.

Speaker 4:
[28:28] Poor girl. What's the biggest trouble of your adult life?

Speaker 5:
[28:32] Oh my God. I was always in trouble in Catholic school. I got in trouble for-

Speaker 4:
[28:36] When was Catholic school?

Speaker 5:
[28:38] Elementary school. Oh my God. One time. This is not even the worst one, but one time, so my parents made me try all types of sports and joiner activities, and it was not ticking. They had me do basketball. It wasn't good. Obviously, I was benched chronically. So one day, I guess I got bored and I was doing my favorite thing, which is checking out the concession stand, and I was checking out the concession stand with this girl who was older than me, cooler than me, terrified of her. To impress her, this was not her idea. It was mine to impress her was to call 911 from the payphone. And yeah, the cops showed up to the game, stopped the whole basketball game. I'm sitting there, my parents are there, my dad is there, and whole gym full of kids and parents, and they stop the game and they give this big speech where they're cautioning us on calling 911 as a prank, and they're like, an old woman fell in her house, and she's still laying there because we thought that there was an emergency here.

Speaker 4:
[29:43] Oh my God, get over there.

Speaker 5:
[29:45] I know, it's like we're fine, and you're still making the speech to be fair.

Speaker 7:
[29:47] Stop giving speeches and go get ladies.

Speaker 5:
[29:49] It seems like you're feeling yourself, to be honest. And I could just feel my dad, and he's like, so whichever of you did it, because they didn't know who, back in the day you couldn't trace anything. And I could just feel my dad looking at me, and he knew it was me. He goes, can we get through one week without an incident? Can we get through one week? And he knew.

Speaker 4:
[30:10] What did you say when you called them?

Speaker 5:
[30:12] I called and I let it ring, and I breathed into the phone like a pervert, and then I hung up.

Speaker 4:
[30:18] That's what they gave a speech about? Like, God, just don't come down to the school.

Speaker 5:
[30:21] I think if you, back then, you have to think about what was going on at the time. Back then, if you got a payphone 911 call from a school, you raced over there. Yeah, it was fresh.

Speaker 4:
[30:31] Sorry to bring up Columbine, but...

Speaker 5:
[30:33] We have, let's, and I know that they don't, I know that I'm borrowing this, but never forget.

Speaker 4:
[30:37] Never forget.

Speaker 5:
[30:38] Never forget. You know, I think, they go, we got it. We got to race over there. There's a basketball game going on and someone could be holding it up.

Speaker 4:
[30:45] Yeah.

Speaker 5:
[30:46] No.

Speaker 4:
[30:46] You know, I wish we still had payphones. I think of this all the time.

Speaker 5:
[30:50] We don't?

Speaker 4:
[30:51] Not really. There's a couple.

Speaker 5:
[30:53] They rocked. You would call your mom, collect from the school payphone and be like, I need gym shorts. And she'd be like, well, I work. So yeah, borrow some.

Speaker 4:
[31:01] Oh my God. Did you guys have a big drama at your school? There was always big drama about like sometimes a kid would call their parents and be like, can you bring me McDonald's for lunch? And then the parent would do it. And then the school would like throw a fit.

Speaker 5:
[31:12] Never. That never happened for me.

Speaker 4:
[31:14] These other kids don't get McDonald's.

Speaker 5:
[31:15] That never happened.

Speaker 4:
[31:16] We had a lot of talks about that.

Speaker 5:
[31:17] They would probably let kids eat McDonald's at my school. Also by high school, it was sort of like, I don't know if there's free periods anymore in schools. It seems like probably not. I think once they started putting metal detectors in schools, they were like, kids don't need the free space to linger in Rome. But we would have a study hall or a free period. Somewhere halfway through high school, and I was really trying to be well behaved at that point, but I remember I would just leave. I would just go get a bagel or something. I would just roam about the town.

Speaker 4:
[31:44] We had a class my junior and senior year. You were only eligible for it if you were a junior or senior. It was called Leadership.

Speaker 5:
[31:49] I know you were in Leadership. I was in Leadership.

Speaker 4:
[31:51] You had to apply. It was only a couple of kids got in. It was basically the Student Council class where if you were on Student Council, you take this class and basically you would do things around town. It would be like, oh, this month we're running a canned food drive. So one of the things we do in class is a lot of times we would end up having to go get in our cars and drive somewhere else in town and then come back to school during the period.

Speaker 5:
[32:13] They let the good kids have a lot of freedom.

Speaker 4:
[32:15] Totally. But basically we were totally abusing it because we would go do the thing really quick and then get Sonic and Drag Race by the park.

Speaker 6:
[32:22] Why not?

Speaker 4:
[32:23] But then people that live by the park would call the school and be like, the kids are drag racing again. Can you please do something? Oh my God.

Speaker 5:
[32:28] Who's calling?

Speaker 4:
[32:29] They would narc on us, these fucking loser old Republicans.

Speaker 5:
[32:32] Middle of the day, get a job.

Speaker 4:
[32:33] Okay, we can't drag race by the park. How about we're 17 and we don't know any better?

Speaker 5:
[32:36] How about you voted for Ronald Reagan and now you're not working? Like what's going on?

Speaker 6:
[32:39] What do you believe in?

Speaker 4:
[32:40] Sorry, I was having fucking cheesy tots in an ocean water and drag racing with my friends.

Speaker 5:
[32:44] By the way, I'm in the leadership class.

Speaker 4:
[32:46] Hello.

Speaker 5:
[32:48] People look to me, my community looks to me already and I'm a minor.

Speaker 4:
[32:51] That was their point though. We needed to be good leaders and not be drag racing and we would get in trouble and it was so silly.

Speaker 5:
[32:54] People be both. I'm so bored and tired of people not being allowed to be both.

Speaker 4:
[32:58] God, you are a bad boy. Can't people be both was so bad boy.

Speaker 5:
[33:02] Can't people be both? Can't we be both? We're not letting people achieve good deeds or do good things because we're convincing people they're either good or bad or whatever. And it's like, let people have a little redemption, let them do a good thing, let them do one good thing they believe in.

Speaker 10:
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Speaker 8:
[33:45] K-Pop Demon Hunters, Saja Boys Breakfast Meal and Huntrix Meal have just dropped at McDonald's. They're calling this a battle for the fans. What do you say to that, Rumi? It's not a battle. So glad the Saja Boys could take breakfast and give our meal the rest of the day.

Speaker 11:
[33:59] It is an honor to share.

Speaker 8:
[34:01] No, it's our honor.

Speaker 10:
[34:03] It is our larger honor.

Speaker 8:
[34:04] No, really. Stop. You can really feel the respect in this battle. Pick a meal to pick a side.

Speaker 2:
[34:13] And participate in McDonald's while supplies last.

Speaker 12:
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Speaker 4:
[34:45] Redemption is huge.

Speaker 5:
[34:46] I mean, why not?

Speaker 4:
[34:47] Why no redemption?

Speaker 5:
[34:48] We're going to lose all our people.

Speaker 4:
[34:49] Do you think you're ever going to get canceled?

Speaker 5:
[34:51] Probably. I hope not. It's my biggest fear, but.

Speaker 4:
[34:56] OK.

Speaker 5:
[34:57] It's my biggest fear. Every day I'm getting on the news and stuff all week and I'm going, don't say anything.

Speaker 4:
[35:02] Yeah. Oh, you're worried you're going to cancel yourself in real time.

Speaker 5:
[35:04] Well, yeah.

Speaker 4:
[35:05] OK, totally.

Speaker 5:
[35:06] For sure.

Speaker 4:
[35:07] I thought it was going to be an old thing. You're right.

Speaker 5:
[35:09] Oh, who knows? Oh, my God. And who knows? You can't even think about that. You know what I mean? Yeah. I've been alive for so long.

Speaker 4:
[35:15] Yeah. You mentioned that.

Speaker 5:
[35:16] And I'm half the shit I say is so stupid and I don't even mean it. So it's like, yeah, it's it lingers over my head. But then I go, I also I'm a really sweet girl.

Speaker 4:
[35:25] You're a totally sweet girl.

Speaker 5:
[35:26] You know what I mean? I mean, I'm I I'm I have good intentions, but I'm also dumb as a brick sometimes.

Speaker 4:
[35:32] You're not dumb as a brick. You're a totally sweet girl. You have the best intentions. Anything you said on Twitter back in the day, I don't care if it surfaces. I will always stand by you.

Speaker 5:
[35:42] You're kind of like you're kind of digging around.

Speaker 4:
[35:44] I will. We actually have.

Speaker 5:
[35:46] Oh, yeah. Pull them up.

Speaker 4:
[35:47] We actually have some stuff.

Speaker 5:
[35:48] I can defend it.

Speaker 4:
[35:49] We should start trying to cancel people on this show. I think that'd be a fun evolution. Yeah, it should be a game that you play on this with like the cozy fireplace in the back.

Speaker 5:
[35:56] You should be like defend this.

Speaker 4:
[35:57] Defend this. Why did you why did you wear that costume?

Speaker 5:
[36:01] I thought it'd be funny. Yeah. And I thought it looked sexy. Yeah, that's why I thought that people would know that I have good intentions.

Speaker 4:
[36:09] Defending a problematic costume by being like, I thought I looked sexy.

Speaker 5:
[36:11] I thought people would know that I was one of the good ones, obviously, when I did that.

Speaker 4:
[36:14] I'm a bad boy who's one of the good ones. Next question.

Speaker 5:
[36:17] You guys were letting me be too comfortable.

Speaker 4:
[36:19] What do you what do you what do you think we should do this summer?

Speaker 5:
[36:25] This was one of the toughest winters in New York in a long time.

Speaker 9:
[36:29] Multiple blizzards, multiple blizzards.

Speaker 5:
[36:31] And I was here in 2016 and it was not like this. It was this has been really cold when I was remember the day that you made me go on the city bike on your birthday.

Speaker 4:
[36:39] Oh, my God, dude. This was so sickening.

Speaker 5:
[36:42] It was really bad. I knew it was going to be too bad. And I was so shocked that all of you have like lived in Chicago and still thought we were getting on the bike.

Speaker 4:
[36:48] I would have biked all the way to dinner.

Speaker 5:
[36:49] Oh, you would have.

Speaker 4:
[36:50] Yes. OK, we got on city bikes. It was my birthday weekend. A bike, eight of us were going to a dinner.

Speaker 5:
[36:56] I thought they were pranking me. I thought everyone was.

Speaker 4:
[36:58] I said, I want to ride city bikes. Yes, it was a negative five degrees. Yes, we had gloves and scarves. Everyone was being so childish about it. It's too cold, Caleb. It's too cold. Yes, I forgot that I was with a bunch of girls. And I was a little derogatory because everyone was being very girly about it.

Speaker 5:
[37:13] They're also really small.

Speaker 4:
[37:14] Oh, the wind is too much. I was like, oh, my gosh, girls.

Speaker 5:
[37:17] Negative four degrees.

Speaker 4:
[37:19] The only. Yeah. And there was only. Yeah, it was so silly.

Speaker 5:
[37:21] We bought the real weather. It was negative four degrees. It was the real weather.

Speaker 4:
[37:25] We lost a girl within the two blocks.

Speaker 6:
[37:26] We lost a girl immediately.

Speaker 4:
[37:29] Within two blocks, we lost a girl.

Speaker 5:
[37:30] And then somebody else we didn't notice because there was somebody else kind of biking with us. So we thought it was her.

Speaker 4:
[37:36] Yeah. So we lost the girl immediately.

Speaker 5:
[37:38] We had to get off the bikes under a bridge, call an Uber.

Speaker 4:
[37:41] We had to park the bikes. I had to go find the girl.

Speaker 5:
[37:42] I had to sort of like make all the girls put their arms in there inside their coats against their bodies under their armpits. Put your hands under your armpits in the coat.

Speaker 4:
[37:51] I would have gone the whole way to dinner. I thought it was exhilarating. I love being on a bike.

Speaker 5:
[37:57] I get really scared riding the bike in New York.

Speaker 4:
[37:58] I cry every third time I bike.

Speaker 5:
[38:02] Because of the wind or?

Speaker 4:
[38:04] No, because I'm excited and happy. I bike over the Brooklyn Bridge.

Speaker 5:
[38:07] That is stunning.

Speaker 4:
[38:08] I'm going to pretty much cry most of the time I do that.

Speaker 5:
[38:10] Yes.

Speaker 4:
[38:10] It's so beautiful to move that quickly and be up that high.

Speaker 5:
[38:14] Yeah.

Speaker 4:
[38:14] We don't appreciate it enough.

Speaker 6:
[38:15] We don't. We don't.

Speaker 5:
[38:17] We don't appreciate it. I'm never doing that.

Speaker 4:
[38:18] I walked over the Manhattan Bridge the other night after a rainstorm at sunset. Yeah, I listened to one, two, three, four by Feast Feist. How do you say their name? One, two, three, four. So funny to imagine you and I cried and I cried and then I listened to Bitter Sweet Symphony by Rob Thomas.

Speaker 9:
[38:38] That's why the right again.

Speaker 4:
[38:39] But I Bitter Sweet Symphony is by I'm thinking of Street Corner Symphony. Oh, is that a Rob Thomas Street Corner Symphony is a Rob Thomas song and I got to win that one.

Speaker 5:
[38:48] I'm so sorry.

Speaker 4:
[38:49] It's okay. But I did listen to, do you know Street Corner Symphony?

Speaker 5:
[38:51] I don't.

Speaker 4:
[38:52] Really funny. He tried to solve racism with a song, which is what we need.

Speaker 6:
[38:56] We can't stop doing that.

Speaker 5:
[38:57] We're going to have one song that tries to solve racism in the movie that we do.

Speaker 4:
[39:00] He was like, my sisters and my brothers of every different color. Won't you come on over down to the corner?

Speaker 6:
[39:05] And he was singing it like, oh, hey, oh, mint it down, mint it down.

Speaker 4:
[39:10] And guess what? I listen to that song and I am coming on over.

Speaker 5:
[39:12] Yes.

Speaker 4:
[39:13] And I invite everyone to join me as well. Do you think you could fix societal ill if you were given carte blanche?

Speaker 5:
[39:19] No, probably not. But I do think that, no, definitely not.

Speaker 6:
[39:24] Okay.

Speaker 4:
[39:26] I kind of think you could. I know that I could.

Speaker 5:
[39:27] You know that you could.

Speaker 4:
[39:28] If I had ultimate power, I guess if not us, then who? That's what I'm saying. If I had ultimate power. Yeah, I'm not even going to lie to you. Shit would be a lot better.

Speaker 5:
[39:36] I would need a pretty big committee though.

Speaker 4:
[39:38] Of course. No one can do anything.

Speaker 5:
[39:40] I would need a big committee. I have a lot of blind spots. So I would need a big committee.

Speaker 4:
[39:44] What are your blind spots?

Speaker 5:
[39:45] Who knows? I can't see them.

Speaker 4:
[39:46] They're blind. Fuck, they're blind.

Speaker 5:
[39:48] Fuck.

Speaker 4:
[39:49] Duh.

Speaker 5:
[39:50] I shudder to think.

Speaker 4:
[39:51] I shudder to think of my blind spots.

Speaker 5:
[39:52] I guess when I get canceled, I'll know.

Speaker 4:
[39:53] Is it crazy that I don't think I have any?

Speaker 5:
[39:55] You don't have any.

Speaker 4:
[39:57] Am I no at all? No, I do think if I were in power, yeah, we would get shit fixed quickly.

Speaker 5:
[40:01] You don't consider yourself in power at this moment.

Speaker 4:
[40:03] I'm not in power at this moment. I'm totally beholden to the mentally ill gay people who listen to the show.

Speaker 5:
[40:07] Right.

Speaker 4:
[40:08] I'm constrained by that. And we'll cut that. We'll bleep that. We'll bleep that. Well, we'll bleep that. We'll do a little fuzz over. I mean, no, I'm not in power. If I were in Donald Trump's position as president of the United States, oh my gosh.

Speaker 5:
[40:27] I know.

Speaker 4:
[40:27] Can you even imagine what I would get done a lot, a lot.

Speaker 5:
[40:30] But then it becomes the issue of like, uh, you would be show. You would be kind of showing people that things can be achieved and that's a slippery slope. I have to assume that's why politicians don't do it often is because it's to, if you show the people that change can be made, right? And that you don't have to sort of be beholden to the limitations and the bureaucracy that politicians act like they're like.

Speaker 4:
[40:58] My hands are tied. My hands are tied. Meanwhile, they tied them for money. Yeah.

Speaker 5:
[41:01] And it's kind of like, yeah, I guess if you prove that that's pretty dangerous, I think there's probably a lot of people who would try to stop you.

Speaker 4:
[41:06] Day one in office, I would choose five billionaires.

Speaker 5:
[41:10] Yeah.

Speaker 4:
[41:11] I would.

Speaker 5:
[41:11] Public execution.

Speaker 4:
[41:13] Taylor.

Speaker 6:
[41:13] Public execution.

Speaker 4:
[41:15] Sorry. No, I was going to say prison, which is way more progressive.

Speaker 6:
[41:19] Rehabilitation. I like that.

Speaker 4:
[41:22] No, I would take all their assets, day one, day one, five billionaires take all their assets, seize, redistribute. Elon Musk, brother, you're in trouble if I come to power.

Speaker 5:
[41:32] He doesn't need all that money.

Speaker 4:
[41:33] He doesn't need all that money and he doesn't deserve it.

Speaker 5:
[41:34] He doesn't, and it's not even about that.

Speaker 6:
[41:36] It's like about that for me.

Speaker 5:
[41:38] To me, it's like, obviously, obviously he doesn't need, he doesn't. He needs like a hot, like he needs to figure out his, he needs to figure out a special interest that isn't accumulating wealth.

Speaker 4:
[41:49] I think you should only be allowed to be a billionaire if you got there by being cool. He didn't do that.

Speaker 9:
[41:53] Who has Rihanna? She has a billion dollars and JC, JC and Rihanna. Good for her.

Speaker 4:
[42:00] They both got there by being cool. Now, do I think it's ethical? Did I say they got there by being ethical? No, they exploited people.

Speaker 5:
[42:05] I won't be looking. I'll be turning a blind eye to Rihanna.

Speaker 4:
[42:07] Is Taylor Swift a billionaire?

Speaker 5:
[42:09] Probably. Probably.

Speaker 4:
[42:11] I would say her too.

Speaker 5:
[42:13] She got there by being adorkable.

Speaker 4:
[42:14] She got there by being adorkable, which we don't see enough of anymore by the way.

Speaker 5:
[42:17] It's on the downswing right now. We are kind of on the, we're on a cool upswing and an unaffected upswing. We're on an adorkable downswing.

Speaker 4:
[42:26] Yeah.

Speaker 5:
[42:28] It will be coming back.

Speaker 7:
[42:29] It totally has its place.

Speaker 6:
[42:30] It's a tough, God bless you.

Speaker 4:
[42:34] I burped on an it's and it totally worked. It totally worked. This episode is brought to you by booking.com booking.com offers a wide array of hotels and vacation rentals across the U S so you can find exactly what you're booking for. There's something for everyone, even those who are impossible to please, whether you're booking for yourself, your partner, your picky teens, your sleep light, rise early mom or your high maintenance group chat. You can find exactly what you're booking for. When I go on vacations with friends, something I must have is a kitchen with a nice big oven and stovetop where I can cook mouthwatering meals for my friends and loved ones. People who eat together stay together. If we can find our perfect stay on booking.com anyone can find exactly what you're booking for booking.com. Booking today on the site or on or in the app y'all when it's time to order pizza, you got to call our friends at Domino's. They have an incredible lineup of toppings to fully customize your next pizza to your heart's desire. Or if you want to stick with one of the classics, like a large pepperoni, Domino's has you covered. And I'm telling you guys right now, do not sleep on their Parmesan stuffed crust pizza. It's the same buttery tasting pan dough, you know, and love, but stuffed with cheese and every bite of crust. Finish with their signature garlic seasoning and a sprinkling of real Parmesan. And with their mix and match deal, you can get more pizza at a better price. I'm talking prices like 10.99 each. And when you mix and match two or more Parmesan, two or more Parmesan stuffed crust pizzas, they've got chicken wings, they've got desserts, they've got sandwiches, salads, guys, they've got all kinds of things. Okay, when you're hungry, you can order Domino's. It's always an option and it's there and they have mix and match for 10.99. Okay, try Domino's Parmesan stuffed crust pizzas today. Thank you Domino's for sponsoring this episode. Folks, there's a lot of things in life you shouldn't have to do alone, okay? Like driving yourself home from surgery. I'm always saying that. Or handling all your personal finances. Lucky for you, our friends, no, family, at Rocket Money have the financial stuff covered so you can easily make smart decisions. Rocket Money is a personal finance app that helps find and cancel your unwanted subscriptions, monitors your spending and helps lower your bills so you can grow your savings and put that money towards things that really matter, like a big family vacation or a new car. See all your subscriptions in one place and know exactly where your money is going. For once you don't want any more rocket money can help you cancel them in just a few clicks. They have tools that automatically create transaction categorization across the counts. Plus customizable categories and tags to reveal spending patterns and add context. I'm always adding context to my spending patterns on rocket money. Wanting to start saving for that big family vacation this summer or that new car. These tools are here to help. Let rocky money help you reach your financial goals faster. Join at rocket money.com/ So true.

Speaker 5:
[45:39] I didn't think there was any way that that could be what that was a burp.

Speaker 4:
[45:41] What do you think it was?

Speaker 5:
[45:43] I don't know, like a growl, like a Christina Aguilera growl.

Speaker 4:
[45:47] Yeah, I'm going to start growling on here. No, it was a burp, for sure. And I don't really know where it came from. I did eat a pretty big bowl of Cheerios this morning.

Speaker 5:
[45:56] Oh, you're a cereal guy.

Speaker 4:
[45:57] Not always.

Speaker 5:
[45:58] But you have cereal in the house and sometimes you eat it for breakfast.

Speaker 4:
[46:00] I have cereal in the house and at times when I remember to have milk in the fridge, I have it for breakfast. And it makes me feel a little crazy and nostalgic. It makes my body feel a little crazy for some reason.

Speaker 5:
[46:12] It's sugar in the morning.

Speaker 4:
[46:13] It's like a honey nut Cheerios is not that much sugar.

Speaker 5:
[46:17] Okay. Good to know.

Speaker 4:
[46:18] Sometimes I Google Google Honey Nut Cheerios sugar.

Speaker 5:
[46:21] Yeah.

Speaker 4:
[46:22] Google that. Nicole, how much sugar croissant?

Speaker 5:
[46:25] I do like a pastry in the morning.

Speaker 4:
[46:27] I know you do. I know one serving. Okay. How much sugar one serving Honey Nut Cheerios? Oh, don't be a lot. Nine grams is a lot for us.

Speaker 7:
[46:35] Is that a lot?

Speaker 5:
[46:37] They're coated in a sheen of sugar, a glaze of sugar.

Speaker 4:
[46:40] So nine grams is a lot for a serving. Actually, I thought that was healthy. Do a hundred grams. Right. Oh, how is that possible?

Speaker 5:
[46:51] Huh?

Speaker 4:
[46:52] Oh, I see. I understand. I understand.

Speaker 5:
[46:54] That's what they say. It's part of a balanced breakfast.

Speaker 4:
[46:56] Well, what would the fuck would the other part be?

Speaker 5:
[46:58] I think it's like a banana.

Speaker 4:
[46:59] I hope it's a chomp's meat stick because that's what I'm eating.

Speaker 5:
[47:03] Oh, you do little, you chop up the chomps and you put them in the...

Speaker 4:
[47:06] A honey nut cheerio, a chomps and an ice latte that's so big you wouldn't believe it. And then I have another one like two hours later.

Speaker 5:
[47:13] I've been kind of sort of bad on my nutritional balance lately.

Speaker 4:
[47:17] What's going on?

Speaker 5:
[47:18] I just only ever want to eat what I want to eat and is exciting to me. And ever since I started eating meat again, because I didn't eat meat for the longest time. So when you're not eating meat, eating vegetables is kind of like, that's what I'm eating. And once you reintroduce meat, you go, vegetables are struggling to make their way into the conversation. For sure.

Speaker 4:
[47:37] The vegetables keep going.

Speaker 5:
[47:39] They're like, oh, and I wasn't like I was having a lactose intolerance spell. But now I'm back on. And so I'm really into butter, just like a lot of butter and people are trying to make me really worried about my heart health.

Speaker 4:
[47:53] Totally.

Speaker 5:
[47:53] It's bad. It's really bad.

Speaker 4:
[47:55] I'm terrified for your heart health.

Speaker 5:
[47:56] Really? Do you think it's that bad?

Speaker 4:
[47:57] No, I don't.

Speaker 5:
[47:58] Do you think there's people like eating a lot of butter all the time? And it's they're absolutely fine. There's like a hundred year old woman who's like, my secret to making it to this age is eating butter every day.

Speaker 4:
[48:06] Totally isn't. Can I tell you something else?

Speaker 5:
[48:07] Yeah.

Speaker 4:
[48:07] The earth is 300 and something million years old, probably.

Speaker 5:
[48:11] And there's always been butter.

Speaker 4:
[48:12] And we won't exist someday. Someday humanity won't even exist. So like whether or not you die at like 71 or 85 is like whatever.

Speaker 5:
[48:21] Can I tell you that you're starting to sound like the guy from neighbors who bikes in his Speedo? Dude, everyone who's ever lived has been dead and is already dead.

Speaker 4:
[48:30] The HBO series Neighbors. I am fucking obsessed.

Speaker 5:
[48:35] It's so, so good. It's my biggest fear as a person is having a neighbor dispute. Yeah, Adam and I never to the extent like this show is a beautiful study on the types of people who exist in this world. And they're all nuts.

Speaker 4:
[48:49] They're all nuts. And it's two parties that are completely psychotic. Yes. That you're just like, both of you need to shut the fuck up and never be taken seriously again.

Speaker 5:
[48:58] Ever. And so it starts with the dispute and you're like, we're dealing with two weirdos for sure. And then the second half of the episode, you find out like both of them have only fans and it's the strangest. One of them is being like catfished by like fake Harry Styles. Like there's so much going on in their lives that the neighbor dispute is almost.

Speaker 4:
[49:15] There'll also be a point usually in the middle of these episodes where it become, you think you have a grasp on who's right and wrong. Like party number one will be like, I have no idea where this animosity started. And party number two will be like, it's when she pulled a shotgun on me.

Speaker 5:
[49:27] Yes.

Speaker 4:
[49:27] And you'll be like, okay.

Speaker 5:
[49:28] Oh my God. Every episode at one or both of the parties goes, and I have a gun and I will shoot her.

Speaker 4:
[49:34] Yeah, they all have guns and they're all ready to defend their property. It's crazy.

Speaker 5:
[49:37] But the last episode only focuses on one neighbor against the whole neighborhood. It's usually one on one and there's usually a couple per episode. The last episode of the season.

Speaker 4:
[49:46] He's totally embattled.

Speaker 5:
[49:48] It needs an admi. I mean, he is totally against his whole neighborhood. He wants to be nude. They don't want him to be nude.

Speaker 4:
[49:55] And also, can I say something? A big part of that episode is people being like, we have children. I am so fucking tired of all of society. Talk to your kids, motherfucker. I mean, why is everything in society based around these people that don't want to talk to their kids?

Speaker 5:
[50:11] He has no interest in the children at all, by the way, of the neighborhood.

Speaker 4:
[50:14] You don't see them biking naked at his house.

Speaker 5:
[50:16] It is so funny that he's in the front yard and then, spoiler, this is not the biggest spoiler of the episode, but he goes, I think I'm going to redo my backyard. And it's like, yeah, that's what the backyard is for.

Speaker 4:
[50:27] Obviously.

Speaker 5:
[50:28] Do it in the backyard. Some of these people are sort of exhibitionists across the board, but he's not interested in the kids. What I do think is so funny is that he's got to be 70. And he's like, I need to have a child.

Speaker 4:
[50:41] Yeah.

Speaker 5:
[50:41] I need to have a child.

Speaker 4:
[50:43] I need to have a child on the end of my bloodline thing.

Speaker 5:
[50:45] He's like, the Shlapsky name could be completely dead if I don't have a child today.

Speaker 4:
[50:49] Yeah.

Speaker 5:
[50:51] And I like that he's direct. He's, you know, he's walking up to him and going, I need to have a child soon.

Speaker 4:
[50:55] Would you have a child with him?

Speaker 5:
[50:58] No, he texts too much. Yeah, he does text you text way too much.

Speaker 4:
[51:01] And he texts like an old guy. It's so sad.

Speaker 5:
[51:03] I know. Well, you know, he's old.

Speaker 4:
[51:06] Totally. But that's why he should be with an old woman because they could text each other the same off putting way.

Speaker 5:
[51:11] I know.

Speaker 4:
[51:12] But instead, he's texting a 20-something year old girl who wants him to buy her filet mignon and high heels.

Speaker 5:
[51:19] Yes. Well, she's fascinating. I love her. I would. Yeah. I don't even want to say more. I just want people to watch it.

Speaker 4:
[51:27] Watch. Watch Neighbors.

Speaker 5:
[51:28] You need to watch Neighbors.

Speaker 4:
[51:29] I'm really not even watching reality TV. And I got to tell you, this has like completely changed my life.

Speaker 5:
[51:34] Well, this is like a documentary.

Speaker 4:
[51:35] Basically.

Speaker 5:
[51:36] Yeah. This is like highbrow.

Speaker 4:
[51:37] Basically. Well, the people in Montana were really fun for me as well.

Speaker 5:
[51:41] Were those the first episode, the guy with the fangs?

Speaker 4:
[51:42] The Doomsday Prepper. Yeah.

Speaker 5:
[51:43] Yeah.

Speaker 4:
[51:44] That they're like out there and they're like, you can't close the gate on my land.

Speaker 5:
[51:47] My horses need to roam.

Speaker 4:
[51:49] And then it turns out one of them is like a role playing TikToker.

Speaker 5:
[51:52] Yes.

Speaker 4:
[51:52] That's the monkey.

Speaker 5:
[51:53] They're all online, which you really don't get off the top for all these people. You don't get that they're so online. And it also is really showing you how other people are using the internet and other generations are using the internet. It's not always the same as ours.

Speaker 4:
[52:05] Not always the same as ours.

Speaker 5:
[52:06] But all of them are on OnlyFans.

Speaker 4:
[52:07] They're all on OnlyFans.

Speaker 5:
[52:08] They're all on OnlyFans.

Speaker 4:
[52:09] And they're all on Tik Tok in a big way.

Speaker 5:
[52:11] Yes. I deleted Tik Tok, but now I'm like getting links and I'm curious what people are sending me.

Speaker 4:
[52:17] Yeah. But you know what's a real high? Of course, Tova. You know, it's a total high is when you've deleted Tik Tok off you. I haven't had Tik Tok on my phone in forever. When you've deleted it and someone texts you something that you didn't want to watch and you go, oh, I don't have Tik Tok, but I bet that's funny.

Speaker 5:
[52:29] I bet it's good.

Speaker 4:
[52:30] That's a lot of fun.

Speaker 5:
[52:30] You want to screen record it for me?

Speaker 4:
[52:31] Well, you can screen record and send if you want. And they never care enough to screen.

Speaker 5:
[52:34] No.

Speaker 4:
[52:34] And that's telling, isn't it?

Speaker 5:
[52:35] I know. It's like it's also kind of sometimes with Tik Tok because it sucks you in more than any other app. Someone will be sending me something when they have some time to waste. And I go, now, you know, if I open this.

Speaker 4:
[52:48] I'm done.

Speaker 5:
[52:49] I'm done.

Speaker 4:
[52:49] I'm cooked.

Speaker 5:
[52:50] I'm done with whatever I'm doing. Why would you do that to me?

Speaker 4:
[52:52] Yeah.

Speaker 5:
[52:53] You don't want me to be productive. You don't want me to get my work done. You don't want me to.

Speaker 4:
[52:57] Maybe they thought you could just watch one.

Speaker 5:
[52:59] No, I don't think anyone thinks that about me.

Speaker 4:
[53:01] Really?

Speaker 5:
[53:02] No, I have a really short attention span.

Speaker 4:
[53:04] I view you as extremely powerful.

Speaker 5:
[53:06] Thank you. But I do have sort of original recipe like ADHD in a way that is kind of like I just have to be like alert about certain things and like not. You know, I can't the other. Oh, my God. The other morning yesterday, I was we were getting prepped. It's early in the morning. I'm doing all these daytime appearances. I'm shaking out stuff at the hotel room. I pick up like a weed vape falls out. It's got to be seven in the morning. I pick the weed vape up. I'm up. I'm texting. I take that hit. No, I go, no, Cobbs, like, you're going to be fine. Cobb goes in two hours when you're on camera, you're going to be totally normal again. But yeah, I'm not, I need to be focused at all times.

Speaker 4:
[53:47] I want to start going to stuff stoned. I don't go to any work stuff stoned, and I think it would make my life better. Toba, your muffs.

Speaker 9:
[53:53] Sometimes, can I get stoned for tonight?

Speaker 5:
[53:55] Oh, please. Sometimes it does, sometimes it doesn't. Sometimes I think at this point in my life, I'm smoking so much weed consistently that I'm always a little...

Speaker 4:
[54:03] Yeah.

Speaker 5:
[54:04] That the edges are always a little soft.

Speaker 4:
[54:06] I am stone cold sober at every work event. And I am telling you, I have friends that go to set on a 100-milligram edible.

Speaker 5:
[54:12] Oh, that I can't do.

Speaker 4:
[54:13] I want to get high at stuff.

Speaker 5:
[54:15] When I'm filming something on set, like as an actor, I cannot be high or have any substance in me at all. And that includes the other way. I can't have an Adderall or something and do my job. So that, I don't have anything except caffeine. But no, I'm high for other stuff a lot. You have to get into... I think it's either Miami vibes. It's this little vape I have and it's for daytime smoking around town. It's a little pink vape. Sorry.

Speaker 4:
[54:46] I have to get into Miami vibes, which is a vape, which is for daytime smoking around town.

Speaker 5:
[54:53] Yeah.

Speaker 4:
[54:54] Is that their tagline or is that something that you're assigning to it?

Speaker 5:
[54:57] Something I discovered through market research.

Speaker 4:
[55:00] I don't like vapes.

Speaker 5:
[55:02] Me neither. And it's really bad for your throat, obviously, and really bad. I can't be like lighting up a joint in the middle of the day.

Speaker 4:
[55:09] I know, but we need to be. It's better for us.

Speaker 5:
[55:12] It's maybe for you, but we are coming up from two different angles where like your teacher's favorite, and I'm the student that the teacher talks about when she goes home to her husband.

Speaker 4:
[55:24] This is always going to be the problem with our dynamic.

Speaker 5:
[55:26] I know.

Speaker 4:
[55:26] Is I'm Little Miss Princess and you're a bad boy.

Speaker 5:
[55:31] I know.

Speaker 4:
[55:32] And I want to be a bad boy and you want to be Little Miss Princess.

Speaker 5:
[55:35] I want to be so well behaved. I want everyone to be happy with me.

Speaker 4:
[55:37] Isn't that sick?

Speaker 5:
[55:38] I know.

Speaker 4:
[55:39] That's why we work.

Speaker 5:
[55:40] It's our wound. It's our childhood wound.

Speaker 4:
[55:42] Yeah. That you wanted to be a little miss princess and I want to be a bad boy.

Speaker 5:
[55:45] Because like I was only ever hoping for the best, you know, and you're only and you want and you only ever want to do whatever you want to do.

Speaker 4:
[55:50] I want to do whatever I want to do, but I want to be mysterious about it. That's the thing is I thought doing whatever I wanted. I thought that would make me a bad boy.

Speaker 5:
[55:56] Right.

Speaker 4:
[55:57] I'm still just a good boy trying to do bad.

Speaker 5:
[55:59] What you want is to achieve. And so that's hard.

Speaker 4:
[56:02] I want to be mysterious. I want to be misunderstood.

Speaker 5:
[56:04] Yeah, I'm sure you aren't you like you're misunderstood. Have you ever been canceled? That's a type of misunderstanding.

Speaker 4:
[56:10] Honey, I get canceled every week.

Speaker 5:
[56:11] You get every week.

Speaker 4:
[56:12] Cancel me every week.

Speaker 5:
[56:13] Every week.

Speaker 4:
[56:13] They love me until I say anything. And then they're like, why would he do this?

Speaker 5:
[56:17] It's hard because it's like it's like you want you do want your audience to be your community because like they get what you're saying. But then sometimes you're like, that's right. I'm gay.

Speaker 4:
[56:27] Well, they're getting mad about. Yeah, I don't really care. I don't care. I really don't care. But they're like, they're like, why is he making jokes about trans people? Because I'm friends with more of them than you are.

Speaker 5:
[56:35] Than you've ever met in your life.

Speaker 9:
[56:36] You spend this much time around.

Speaker 6:
[56:37] Than you've ever met in your life.

Speaker 4:
[56:38] Why am I making jokes about lesbians? Spend time with these people. Are you kidding me?

Speaker 5:
[56:42] I know. You're picking up on the patterns.

Speaker 4:
[56:44] I'm noticing. I'm a noticer.

Speaker 5:
[56:45] If anything, it's like you're giving people good niche, niche reads on the community.

Speaker 4:
[56:51] I'm in there doing field research like that fucking lady with the primates. Oh, Jane Goodall?

Speaker 5:
[56:56] Jane Goodall. I was gonna take Gloria Steinem and that's women.

Speaker 4:
[56:59] That's me with lesbians, et cetera.

Speaker 5:
[57:01] Yeah, you're the Jane Goodall of lesbians.

Speaker 4:
[57:04] Well, I mean, you're saying that and I will accept that. Thank you for saying that.

Speaker 5:
[57:08] You put it together and you made me say it.

Speaker 4:
[57:10] You independently brought that up of your own volition.

Speaker 5:
[57:13] You led me to water.

Speaker 4:
[57:14] I want to thank you for doing that.

Speaker 8:
[57:15] You are that.

Speaker 5:
[57:16] You are that.

Speaker 2:
[57:17] That means a lot to me.

Speaker 5:
[57:19] I'm here to help you.

Speaker 4:
[57:20] Yeah.

Speaker 5:
[57:21] What I'm learning as someone who is working and doing publicity for the first time is this is my first time working with publicists and doing real big promotion for a project. That's my first time ever. And I'm learning that nothing actually really has to be real. It's like, what do you you can decide what if you want to be a bad boy from here on out. Yeah.

Speaker 4:
[57:40] Which craft the narrative.

Speaker 5:
[57:41] Why not?

Speaker 4:
[57:42] I'll call my publicist today.

Speaker 5:
[57:43] I think diligent people are like the best at kind of like being like sexy or bad or whatever, because they're like, I know exactly how to achieve that.

Speaker 4:
[57:50] I'm calling my publicist.

Speaker 5:
[57:51] And if they don't share the vision, vision, fire them.

Speaker 4:
[57:55] I will.

Speaker 5:
[57:56] On the camera.

Speaker 4:
[57:57] I'm going to fire my publicist right now if they don't understand.

Speaker 5:
[58:00] Please.

Speaker 4:
[58:05] What do I say, just that I want to be a bad boy from now on?

Speaker 5:
[58:08] A new direction, hard time.

Speaker 4:
[58:10] Rhett, how's it going?

Speaker 11:
[58:11] I'm good, how are you doing?

Speaker 4:
[58:13] I'm good, you're live on the So True podcast, my podcast.

Speaker 11:
[58:15] Hi. I'm what I am.

Speaker 4:
[58:19] Yeah, you're live, it's me and Taylor Ortega. Hey, I had a question for you.

Speaker 11:
[58:22] Yes.

Speaker 4:
[58:23] I think I want to be a bad boy from now on. I want to shift my image to being maybe one of Hollywood's premier young bad boys. Do you, do you, do you think that's possible? And how can we do it?

Speaker 11:
[58:41] You got to start with wardrobe first.

Speaker 4:
[58:43] Oh, goodbye. I'll talk. Wait, what? Why did you? Why did you say that? What do you mean?

Speaker 9:
[58:49] What would you, what would you put?

Speaker 5:
[58:51] What kind of wardrobe?

Speaker 11:
[58:52] Like leather jacket, like, you know, those tired clothes that you've been up all night. Like, you know, just, just the absolute, like you've just been through hell. You got to do Los Angeles too. You can't be in New York.

Speaker 5:
[59:07] Oh, come on. Really?

Speaker 11:
[59:08] I know.

Speaker 5:
[59:09] Why?

Speaker 11:
[59:10] Because that's where that exists. You're too fucking cool in New York. Like you're too cool. You can't do that. You can't pull an image change like that in New York.

Speaker 2:
[59:21] You have to go to Los Angeles first.

Speaker 4:
[59:22] What's, so obviously you're saying wardrobe is first and foremost. What is like the first like pressed stop we should do?

Speaker 5:
[59:29] I think it can't be a press stop. And you could tell me, Rhett, you can tell me if I'm wrong. And if you advise against this. But I don't think it should be pressed stop. Even if it's orchestrated, I think it needs to be like you're on skid row and you're trying to low key acquire contraband. And you're sort of hoping not to be photographed. And in fact, you should look like shit. And people should photograph you. And it can't be back grid. It has to be like, you know, and then those come out and you pretend to be destroyed by it.

Speaker 4:
[59:59] What do you think of that?

Speaker 11:
[60:00] 100 percent. We create that photo of Brittany Lindsay Lohan and Paris Hilton.

Speaker 5:
[60:09] I would love to be a part of that.

Speaker 4:
[60:10] Oh, right.

Speaker 11:
[60:12] So I think we have to come up with that triceptive. We're in the car with where you are just.

Speaker 5:
[60:16] You guys could. I would let you guys blur my vagina for that.

Speaker 11:
[60:19] I know. And then obviously, we need to release a statement asking for your privacy during this difficult time.

Speaker 4:
[60:26] Rehab?

Speaker 11:
[60:28] If you sort through.

Speaker 4:
[60:30] Do I go to rehab?

Speaker 11:
[60:31] Well, we call it personal matters.

Speaker 5:
[60:33] But it's we're going to personal matters.

Speaker 4:
[60:35] I'm going to a rehab called Personal Matters. Okay. Thank you, Rhett. This was illuminating. As always, your check is in the mail. Bye bye.

Speaker 7:
[60:44] Thank you.

Speaker 4:
[60:45] Did you hear you said congrats on your show?

Speaker 7:
[60:46] Oh, thank you.

Speaker 4:
[60:47] Always working.

Speaker 7:
[60:48] Wow.

Speaker 4:
[60:49] I think you guys are totally right. I need to go to Skid Row.

Speaker 5:
[60:51] I know.

Speaker 4:
[60:53] I need to be like that video of Justin Bieber. Do you remember that?

Speaker 5:
[60:55] I do. I talk about it too much.

Speaker 4:
[60:57] When he was in like an alleyway of Hollywood, he was like, my car broke down, man.

Speaker 5:
[61:01] Yeah.

Speaker 4:
[61:02] Come on.

Speaker 5:
[61:02] It's like, well, like I'm sorry and it's not comfortable, but you have to do something like that. You kind of have to be down to do it.

Speaker 4:
[61:09] I worry that it seems like I'm trivializing addiction issues on this episode, but I'm not just because I want to go to rehab to create an image.

Speaker 5:
[61:15] Who said you have to go buy heroin? You could buy a gun like a stolen gun or an unregistered gun.

Speaker 4:
[61:20] Yeah.

Speaker 5:
[61:20] No one ever got mad at anyone for trivializing that.

Speaker 4:
[61:22] I think if my bad boy turn would be really complicated if my thing was guns. I think people are-

Speaker 7:
[61:30] Oh my God. Okay.

Speaker 5:
[61:31] Everyone on neighbors has one. I didn't say you have to shoot anybody.

Speaker 4:
[61:34] I think people are going to be more receptive to me maybe having a substance issue than maybe that I'm like buying black market guns.

Speaker 5:
[61:40] The thing is everyone has a problem with everything and they're all right. And that's good. And we should stay vigilant. This. Yeah.

Speaker 4:
[61:49] I mean, you know what, Taylor? What we could dovetail at the exact moment that we're turning my public image towards bad boy, we could bring you in and turn your image towards Little Miss Princess.

Speaker 6:
[62:00] Thank you.

Speaker 4:
[62:01] The good girl. That's like, you're the good girl that goes on the news after.

Speaker 6:
[62:04] So I get caught by I'm really worried about you.

Speaker 4:
[62:06] I'm like, sawed off shotguns in LA that are illegal.

Speaker 5:
[62:10] Yeah.

Speaker 4:
[62:10] And then you go on the news. Well, I'll have, I'll have set it all up and you should steal. I'll steal the gun.

Speaker 5:
[62:17] No, I mean, you just steal around like you should be just stealing.

Speaker 4:
[62:20] Okay. I'll have the gun that I've purchased. Yeah.

Speaker 5:
[62:23] Like you could have it on you when you're stealing. But I also think because you're like, you know, prominent that no one's also going to like stop. No one's going to think you're stealing. It's like, so then you can just also be walking around stores taking stuff.

Speaker 4:
[62:33] Right. And then what we'll do is we'll set it up to where the news comes to you to comment like, Hey, Caleb Hearon's Caleb, your friend, at the time I'll be pregnant with the you're pregnant pregnant. And you're wearing like a very sensible cardigan that's like open enough to show the belly. Yes.

Speaker 5:
[62:45] And the pregnancy is kind of maybe also my turning point.

Speaker 4:
[62:48] Yeah.

Speaker 5:
[62:48] Like the pregnancy for me is like, I got to get serious.

Speaker 4:
[62:50] And your hair is like feathered, not slicked back.

Speaker 5:
[62:52] It's feathered.

Speaker 4:
[62:53] It's like feather. It's like, do you know what I mean? Or it's like curled or something, but it can't be slicked back.

Speaker 5:
[63:01] Okay.

Speaker 4:
[63:01] And you can't be wearing those glasses. They're too cool. You can't be wearing any glasses at all. And your lip has to be understated and simple and elegant with pearls because what you're going to say is while you're like holding, you know, the way that pregnant women do this.

Speaker 5:
[63:13] Yeah. I'll hold it.

Speaker 4:
[63:14] You're going to be doing that. You're going to do that on the news and you're going to go, you know, Caleb is, he's a complicated guy and he's going to get help. He's dealing with personal matters right now.

Speaker 6:
[63:24] We have personal matters.

Speaker 4:
[63:27] If everyone could just give him like some space and time, I think we really need to understand like what he's going through and you'll come through as like the sensible friend who wants me to get help or people will be like, oh, she's an apologist.

Speaker 6:
[63:37] No.

Speaker 5:
[63:38] Okay.

Speaker 4:
[63:38] No, you're going to get a little miss princess treatment. They're going to go, wow, she's so good.

Speaker 5:
[63:41] I deserve it.

Speaker 4:
[63:43] She's so teacher's pet.

Speaker 5:
[63:44] I deserve it by now.

Speaker 4:
[63:45] Yeah.

Speaker 5:
[63:46] I've been trying. Yeah, this will be thing.

Speaker 4:
[63:48] And thank you for doing that for me and the whole time, by the way, your new Netflix show number one on Netflix the whole time from your lips bigger than everything from your beautiful, soft lips to God's ears, bigger than everything your show.

Speaker 5:
[63:59] I hope I get pregnant right away. You think Dan would be mad at me if I got pregnant right away?

Speaker 4:
[64:05] No.

Speaker 5:
[64:06] Okay.

Speaker 4:
[64:06] No, I think this is this is what would happen. This is what would happen. Okay. You be you.

Speaker 5:
[64:11] Okay. You be Dan.

Speaker 4:
[64:11] I'll be Dan. And you tell me you're pregnant.

Speaker 5:
[64:16] Oh, my God. I'm so excited for season two. I have some more big news for you.

Speaker 4:
[64:20] Okay.

Speaker 5:
[64:22] I'm pregnant.

Speaker 7:
[64:25] Wow. Wow.

Speaker 5:
[64:31] You'd be like, no, he'd be like, he'd be like, absolutely.

Speaker 4:
[64:35] Absolutely.

Speaker 5:
[64:36] Absolutely panic in his eyes. Totally. You have to.

Speaker 4:
[64:40] Okay.

Speaker 9:
[64:41] Wow.

Speaker 5:
[64:44] Okay.

Speaker 4:
[64:45] Thank you for telling me.

Speaker 5:
[64:46] Yeah. It's Caleb's.

Speaker 9:
[64:49] Hearon?

Speaker 5:
[64:49] Yeah.

Speaker 4:
[64:52] Okay.

Speaker 9:
[64:53] Wow.

Speaker 5:
[64:54] We conceived naturally because I wanted to be born of love.

Speaker 4:
[64:57] He was inside of you.

Speaker 5:
[64:59] Caleb was our mutual.

Speaker 4:
[65:03] Our moot. Our moot. Okay. I'm going to call Netflix.

Speaker 5:
[65:08] Why?

Speaker 4:
[65:11] Taylor, they have to hang on to the baby while we film season two.

Speaker 6:
[65:14] They're going to hang on.

Speaker 4:
[65:15] They have to hang on to the baby.

Speaker 5:
[65:16] Jessup?

Speaker 4:
[65:17] What did you name him?

Speaker 5:
[65:18] Jebediah. They're going to hang on to Jebediah. I want him on set.

Speaker 4:
[65:21] They want them on set.

Speaker 5:
[65:23] I want them on set. What the fuck? Laurie gets to bring her dog.

Speaker 4:
[65:27] Laurie has that dog everywhere, doesn't she?

Speaker 5:
[65:29] I know. I love Connie.

Speaker 4:
[65:29] I just saw Death of a Salesman on Broadway. Yes.

Speaker 5:
[65:32] Dog's walking across the stage.

Speaker 4:
[65:34] Two seconds after the show ends, Laurie in like a stocking cap, a coat, sweatpants, dog. She's fast. She's not kidding.

Speaker 5:
[65:40] Connie's ready to go too. Connie's very like, yes.

Speaker 4:
[65:43] Laurie Metcalfe, legend.

Speaker 5:
[65:44] Unreal.

Speaker 4:
[65:45] I can't believe it.

Speaker 5:
[65:46] I know.

Speaker 4:
[65:46] You're going to show with Laurie Metcalfe.

Speaker 5:
[65:48] I know. It's really crazy.

Speaker 4:
[65:49] She gets to bring her dog.

Speaker 5:
[65:50] It's really nuts.

Speaker 4:
[65:51] That's crazy. And she plays your lover as well.

Speaker 9:
[65:54] She plays my lover. We kiss a lot.

Speaker 4:
[65:58] Guys, don't get horny. Don't get horny.

Speaker 5:
[66:00] We don't. We don't.

Speaker 4:
[66:00] Tell me about the show.

Speaker 5:
[66:02] Yeah. It's Dan and I and-

Speaker 4:
[66:04] Levy, Schitt's Creek?

Speaker 5:
[66:06] Yeah.

Speaker 4:
[66:06] Yeah.

Speaker 5:
[66:06] Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. We are mutual. And I, we play siblings. Dan's character is a well-to-do reverend, which I kept forgetting when we would film. And then like there'd be scenes where he'd show up in like the full gown. And I'd go, oh my God, that's right. I'd almost be like, why are you in that? You know, when I forget. I'd go, stop, you're looking handsome, but that's a little much. Now, he plays a reverend and I am his sort of aimless, kind of bad girl sibling, to be honest. And I get us into a little hot water and we spend the series sort of trying to work off, while also digging ourselves deeper into our debt with organized criminals. And Laurie Mikeffle is our mom. She's running for mayor. She's amazing in this show. And like the way Dan writes for these people, is like so much of the show is so quick and it's like us going back and forth and screaming over each other. But then when Laurie's on camera, she's working her way around the whole set, a straight monologue for almost like in so many scenes, like she's just one after the other, after the other. And it's a scene where you're just like, you're tracking her. Boom, boom, boom. It's incredible. He really knows. He really knows who he's got. You know, it's sick.

Speaker 4:
[67:16] I'm excited.

Speaker 5:
[67:17] I'm really excited.

Speaker 4:
[67:19] I'm so excited. And this this show will be out by the time the episode comes out so people can go watch it on netflix.com, the website.

Speaker 5:
[67:28] I love that website.

Speaker 4:
[67:29] I love that website.

Speaker 5:
[67:30] I love that website.

Speaker 4:
[67:31] And I'm so excited for your show to be on it. And I'm so proud of you.

Speaker 5:
[67:34] Thank you. I'm proud of you too.

Speaker 4:
[67:36] Thanks buddy. What's so true to you right now?

Speaker 5:
[67:38] What's so true to me is I'm getting a little fatigued with the hypervigilance over, you know, women's celebrity behavior. I think it's like, there's really been an uptick this month and I just kind of feel like I have to hear about Chappell Ron being rude one more time. It's sort of like until we see, until one of you digs up Chappell Ron's dead name in the Epstein files, I'm not, I can't hear it. I don't want to hear about it till the end of the quarter. I don't want to hear about it till the end of the quarter. Everyone's like, our president is sort of waking up every morning with a full diapy being like, I'm going to level Iran to the ground. And everyone's like, we have to get Amanda Batula behind bars. And I go, you guys are diligent. You're on there all day. You are in the comments. You are getting, you know, what's it called, like sponsorship, like paid at whatever, like partnerships or whatever taken away from these celebrities. It's like, let's get that energy. You guys could, you guys could end this conflict today.

Speaker 4:
[68:32] Form a militia now.

Speaker 5:
[68:34] Now get out there. You hate you have in your hearts. And the sense of justice could be so, so positively weaponized. And it also is like boring and fake.

Speaker 4:
[68:44] Yeah.

Speaker 5:
[68:44] Like it just like the outrage is kind of boring and fake.

Speaker 4:
[68:48] Fake and gay.

Speaker 5:
[68:49] Fake and gay. And by the way, it's like they're such different situations. Like I obviously can't wait to watch Summer House and how this plays out. And I hope everything works out for Sierra and she gets everything. And I, I honestly hope like they put her, they put her in an Oscar winning movie and she completely transitions out of reality TV. I think it's time. But at the same time, it's sort of like they're being intense real world consequences for things like Chapel Road security guards scaring an 11 year old is sort of like.

Speaker 4:
[69:14] Also, that's funny. That's the other thing.

Speaker 5:
[69:16] We don't laugh.

Speaker 4:
[69:17] People are so serious. They're like, Oh my God. To send a security guard to the child is like, Oh my God.

Speaker 5:
[69:23] Back in the 90s, you know what would happen? There's no women aren't allowed to be divas anymore. Back in the 90s, you would walk into a hotel that you have a reservation at. Naomi Campbell would cross in front of you. She'd grab you by the neck. She'd lift you. She'd throw you across the room and you'd go, thank you. That's what would happen.

Speaker 4:
[69:42] That's what it used to be like to be a woman.

Speaker 5:
[69:44] Oh my God.

Speaker 4:
[69:45] But not anymore.

Speaker 6:
[69:46] Not anymore.

Speaker 4:
[69:47] She didn't do it either. And also, this is part of my whole thing with this, the fucking outrage about kids lately. I'm like, you guys have none of this energy. Where is this revolutionary energy for the fucking pedophiles?

Speaker 5:
[70:00] When I found out that, like, I don't even want to guess percentages, but what percentage of powerful people in this world are straight up a cabal of confident pedophiles enjoying their lives and not taking one second to question their behavior?

Speaker 4:
[70:17] Yeah.

Speaker 5:
[70:17] I go, why are we giving, like, random reality stars, like, a triple anxiety disorder? It's like we, like, what are we doing? This is so crazy.

Speaker 4:
[70:27] And then these people that should be forming fucking, like, armies to do something about this, instead, they're like, why is Sam Smith wearing a bustier?

Speaker 6:
[70:34] It's like, I missed that one.

Speaker 5:
[70:36] I completely missed that one. It was like, there's loose, satanic themes.

Speaker 4:
[70:40] It's like, do you know, I ordered a 32 ounce ribeye at dinner last night? Not just for me, everyone relax. Okay.

Speaker 5:
[70:45] I'm not at the table. Prilatab.

Speaker 4:
[70:48] Yeah, it was just me. Oh, I had dinner with my ex last night.

Speaker 6:
[70:51] And you said, I'm going to, I said, we need a 32 ounce ribeye.

Speaker 4:
[70:54] I said, the ribeye, the ribeye, the ribeye.

Speaker 5:
[70:58] Then you kissed the waiter's hand.

Speaker 4:
[70:59] And then I let him take it home. 32 ounce ribeye, I should have taken that home. What?

Speaker 5:
[71:04] Sides?

Speaker 4:
[71:05] Top, bottom, it doesn't matter. Top, bottom, whatever.

Speaker 5:
[71:08] Did you get sides for the steak? Did you get a mashed potato, you sicko?

Speaker 4:
[71:12] God, I can't even make gay jokes. That was a pretty good gay joke if you're really involved. I remember when side dropped a couple of years ago and gay guys just started saying it on Grindr.

Speaker 5:
[71:19] And what is that? That is just-

Speaker 4:
[71:21] Side is where you pretty much only want to do oral stuff. It's basically like it's a new version of gay guy where cleaning out your butt is too much.

Speaker 5:
[71:31] Oh, you do that every time?

Speaker 4:
[71:32] Clean out before anal sex?

Speaker 5:
[71:34] Yeah.

Speaker 4:
[71:35] Ideally.

Speaker 5:
[71:37] Right. Not after.

Speaker 4:
[71:39] Both. Both.

Speaker 5:
[71:41] That is a lot of work.

Speaker 4:
[71:43] Oh, don't I know it. Those guys are going through it.

Speaker 5:
[71:45] That's a lot.

Speaker 4:
[71:46] Bottoms do more for this country than most of our politicians and they don't get enough credit.

Speaker 5:
[71:50] No, I know.

Speaker 4:
[71:51] I'm here to tell you, I won't have any bottom slander. Those young men, the stuff they go through for our community. Bottoms are the bedrock of this nation. They are. And I want to shout them out.

Speaker 5:
[72:02] I want to say, go ahead.

Speaker 4:
[72:04] Bottoms. I want to say every, if you have ever bottoms and God help you, if you're bottoming regularly, if you're bottoming right now, think you might be bottoming right now, bottoming right now. Turn it up.

Speaker 5:
[72:16] Turn this up.

Speaker 4:
[72:16] Turn up the So True Podcast because this is an anthem for the bottoms. Yes. You clean that thing out.

Speaker 5:
[72:23] You scoop it, right?

Speaker 4:
[72:25] Scoop, right? I'm sorry, right? You fucking do your thing, brother, because you are keeping this country together.

Speaker 5:
[72:31] Lesbians are kind of doing the opposite. We're told to just leave it alone. Never scoop anything out.

Speaker 4:
[72:35] Really?

Speaker 5:
[72:35] Yeah. They go, actually don't even clean it too closely. The other day I saw a video where a girl goes, don't even put soap on the soft part. Like where it changes to the...

Speaker 4:
[72:43] Is there a hard part?

Speaker 5:
[72:45] There's like a more normal skin part and then you're inside, obviously where you get to the inside part, like it is a little softer. It's like the inside of her lip or something.

Speaker 4:
[72:55] Yeah. I mean, I've been in a couple of those.

Speaker 5:
[72:58] Congratulations.

Speaker 4:
[72:59] It was cool. It was cool. You liked it? It was cool. It was actually cool. I said once on this podcast that it really made me sick, but I think mostly that's just because I was figuring myself out.

Speaker 5:
[73:07] For sure.

Speaker 4:
[73:08] Yeah.

Speaker 5:
[73:10] I'm trying to think if there's a person's body part that makes me sick. I don't think I like fingers, people's hands. Don't touch my face.

Speaker 4:
[73:18] Yeah.

Speaker 5:
[73:19] Nasty. I think that's the nastiest part of a person is their fingers and hands.

Speaker 4:
[73:21] Do you know what I don't like? What? When I'm, okay, if someone's on top of me, maybe we're having sex already, maybe we're not.

Speaker 5:
[73:29] Okay.

Speaker 4:
[73:29] But I go to put my hand on their face, maybe to be kind of sweet or to bring them in for a kiss, and they go to try and suck on the finger. You ever have that?

Speaker 6:
[73:37] Oh, I think I would like that.

Speaker 4:
[73:39] I don't love that.

Speaker 5:
[73:40] You don't want your finger sucked on.

Speaker 4:
[73:41] I don't want, I certainly don't want their finger in my mouth, and I certainly am not like, like if someone sucks my finger, I'm not like, ooh.

Speaker 5:
[73:48] Oh, I kind of am.

Speaker 4:
[73:49] I'm like, what are you doing with that?

Speaker 5:
[73:50] But maybe they're not doing a good job. You need them to really like get like suction on.

Speaker 4:
[73:54] I don't think that's worse. You don't have a penis.

Speaker 5:
[73:57] I don't. And now I'm realizing that is what it is. What could compare?

Speaker 4:
[74:00] Yeah, to getting to getting your dick sucked.

Speaker 5:
[74:02] Like, yeah, not much, not much.

Speaker 4:
[74:04] It's pretty awesome. But that's probably like being eaten out now.

Speaker 5:
[74:07] It's just too different. It's just too different. Like, I just think it's too different. I've long wanted to. I think like a thing that like a lot of lesbians share is when you find when you start having gay sex and you find out what for us. So because for us, like it's we like that vagina and it's exciting and good lesbians. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 4:
[74:29] Totally.

Speaker 5:
[74:30] And it's like the inside, the outside, like, like love it. Can't get enough of the whole thing. And when you are a gay woman, lesbian, they, them, and you find out what it's like in there, there is a period of mourning, rage, grief almost for that. Men have like penises and get to experience that sensation with a penis.

Speaker 4:
[74:50] Sorry.

Speaker 5:
[74:50] Like if I could make my clit huge, like huge, like like tubular and huge.

Speaker 4:
[74:58] The rage is that it's hidden on the inside.

Speaker 5:
[75:00] It's hidden on the inside. I can't fully get all the way, all the way in there.

Speaker 4:
[75:04] Yeah. You're rageful because you can't be so inside.

Speaker 5:
[75:06] So inside of it. And it's like, I can with other, like I could get a hand in there, but I would like it if I had my hand was feeling the sensation that a penis could feel in there. Oh, you know, like, I want to, you know what I mean?

Speaker 4:
[75:18] Like, I think I put your hand in there and fuck around with stuff.

Speaker 5:
[75:20] It's gorgeous. It feels really, it feels like a silky car wash. Yeah, like a beautiful glove, a beautiful, a beautiful glove, like when you're doing like a Vaseline glove.

Speaker 4:
[75:30] Yeah.

Speaker 5:
[75:30] But I would then you go, I bet that feels amazing to have your dick in there. Yes, I bet it feels I bet nothing feels like that.

Speaker 4:
[75:38] It is. Yeah, it is great. It is great to have a dick. You know, no shade to anyone who does or doesn't have a dick. Yeah, I totally understand what you mean. Putting a hand in there, totally not the same as putting a dick in there.

Speaker 5:
[75:50] I'm happy to do it.

Speaker 4:
[75:51] Chance is going to be a livid about this conversation.

Speaker 5:
[75:53] Why? He always wants to talk about this?

Speaker 4:
[75:54] No, Chance is like, anytime we talk about too much sex stuff, he's like, we have to cut it. Google, YouTube will hate this.

Speaker 5:
[76:02] Okay, you can cut it.

Speaker 4:
[76:02] Or however he talks.

Speaker 5:
[76:03] Actually, just like bleep all the parts.

Speaker 4:
[76:04] He's not here today, so I get to be...

Speaker 5:
[76:06] I know. I texted him. I feel bad.

Speaker 7:
[76:07] I'm downstairs.

Speaker 4:
[76:09] I'm downstairs, bitch. Come get me.

Speaker 5:
[76:11] I was going to call him bitch and I go, I can't.

Speaker 4:
[76:13] No, I can't.

Speaker 5:
[76:13] Ever since our scandal, I can't.

Speaker 4:
[76:15] Yeah. No, I totally wish you had a penis as well. And what I want to tell you is, what you have instead, your body is perfect and beautiful. And you know what? In some ways, penises are an inconvenience.

Speaker 5:
[76:28] Yeah. Did you notice on that episode of Neighbors that a lot of the guys at the nudist colony were so hung?

Speaker 4:
[76:34] Of course I noticed.

Speaker 5:
[76:35] Yeah. That's not a thing I usually noticed.

Speaker 4:
[76:37] You think I'm not going to notice that?

Speaker 5:
[76:39] I wondered if it was a male thing of like, I have to have my big dong out. The world has to know.

Speaker 4:
[76:45] Totally. If I had a huge dick, you'd never hear the end of it. If I have it, it's average.

Speaker 5:
[76:50] That's what people like the most. Actually, I don't know about gay guys, but I know that I think women like.

Speaker 4:
[76:53] We need to put more respect on the average to small dick community.

Speaker 5:
[76:56] For sure.

Speaker 4:
[76:57] Because hung guys are evil.

Speaker 5:
[76:59] They're evil.

Speaker 4:
[77:00] That's a tool of oppression that they're using on you, by the way.

Speaker 5:
[77:02] You think it's giving them like crazy ego problems?

Speaker 4:
[77:04] No, I just think it's hurtful. If you-

Speaker 5:
[77:06] Like physically?

Speaker 4:
[77:07] Yeah. Don't bring a hung dick around me. What am I going to do with it? I'm not putting it in my mouth.

Speaker 5:
[77:12] Well, obviously me either. You won't put it in there? You're going to put it in.

Speaker 4:
[77:15] I'll put anybody-

Speaker 5:
[77:16] Chance, I don't know what to tell you.

Speaker 4:
[77:17] Sorry. Yeah. Sorry.

Speaker 5:
[77:18] Sorry. Sorry. I don't know what to tell you at this point.

Speaker 4:
[77:20] What happened to us? We got really locked in there for a second.

Speaker 5:
[77:22] I don't know. We have really good chem- We have really good sexual palpable chemistry.

Speaker 4:
[77:27] We really do.

Speaker 5:
[77:27] I know.

Speaker 4:
[77:28] You know what? I'm going to say something crazy right now.

Speaker 5:
[77:30] Okay, say it because I'm-

Speaker 4:
[77:31] I'm going to say something crazy right now. Yes. Because you know who this is going to hurt the most is Holmes.

Speaker 5:
[77:35] Okay. Okay.

Speaker 4:
[77:36] What's crazy is it'll obviously never happen. Your and I's relationship is set up in a different way. I think we both know we would have crazy sex.

Speaker 5:
[77:43] We would have, I know it wasn't wanted as bad, like to be honest. You know what I mean? Like I think for us to have sex, no, like for y'all to have sex, I feel like we will probably, but then also I wonder, is it like a, is that our like pheromones almost being like we actually have genetic compatibility even like that? Because you know what I mean? Like if we did try to have a baby, would it only take one round?

Speaker 4:
[78:09] Yeah.

Speaker 5:
[78:10] You know, yeah, we did IUI.

Speaker 4:
[78:11] Oh, we would have a baby instantly.

Speaker 5:
[78:14] I think our bodies are really suited for each other. I think Cobb might be a little hurt too by this conversation. I think maybe, yeah, I know.

Speaker 4:
[78:26] I'll fuck Holmes and Cobb as well.

Speaker 5:
[78:28] Yeah.

Speaker 4:
[78:30] Let's do a sex day.

Speaker 5:
[78:31] First of all, don't even dangle that carrot because Holmes will make us all follow through with sex day.

Speaker 4:
[78:37] Yeah, that's true.

Speaker 5:
[78:39] Their greatest joy would be all of their friends coming together to have sex with each other.

Speaker 4:
[78:43] That would be special. That would be special.

Speaker 5:
[78:46] It would.

Speaker 4:
[78:46] That would be really special.

Speaker 5:
[78:47] I think if things ever get really splintered and we're all working too much and no one's really able to hang anymore because of the grind, we should plan something like that.

Speaker 4:
[78:55] That's never going to be me.

Speaker 5:
[78:56] Yeah.

Speaker 4:
[78:57] You guys worry about me and the grind.

Speaker 5:
[78:59] You have a healthy relationship with the grind.

Speaker 4:
[79:01] With the grind?

Speaker 5:
[79:02] Yeah. You do.

Speaker 4:
[79:04] Maybe.

Speaker 5:
[79:04] You're a well-boundaried person.

Speaker 4:
[79:06] I think so.

Speaker 5:
[79:07] Aquarius.

Speaker 4:
[79:08] Hello. Do you want to play a game? I have 15 statements for you and you have to tell me as quickly as you can. If what I just said is true or false. Taylor, you know what? You've done it.

Speaker 5:
[79:16] I've done it.

Speaker 4:
[79:16] If you win, you get 10 or more correct, we're going to give you 50 US dollars.

Speaker 5:
[79:20] Really?

Speaker 4:
[79:21] Yes.

Speaker 5:
[79:21] I'll take it.

Speaker 4:
[79:22] Yeah. You'll get paid regardless. Ready? The Great Wall of China is visible from space with the naked eye.

Speaker 5:
[79:29] Yeah.

Speaker 4:
[79:30] False. Bananas or berries? No. True. The shortest war in history lasted 38 minutes. Yeah. True. Venus is the hottest planet in the solar system.

Speaker 5:
[79:43] Like sexy or temperature?

Speaker 4:
[79:45] Temperature.

Speaker 5:
[79:46] No.

Speaker 4:
[79:46] True. Kelsey Theater at Mercer is in Trenton, New Jersey.

Speaker 5:
[79:50] Yes.

Speaker 4:
[79:50] False. It's in West Windsor.

Speaker 5:
[79:52] I went to camp there.

Speaker 4:
[79:54] Wombat feces are cube shaped. Yes. True. The Statue of Liberty was a gift from Spain to the US.

Speaker 5:
[80:00] False. France.

Speaker 4:
[80:00] False. France. The boiling point of water is higher at higher altitudes. Yeah. False. It's lower. A group of rhinos is called a crash. True. Hightown High School's colors are purple and white. Wrong. False.

Speaker 6:
[80:14] Blue and white.

Speaker 4:
[80:15] Earth's moon is larger than Pluto.

Speaker 6:
[80:17] Yeah.

Speaker 4:
[80:18] True. The largest bone in the human body is the femur.

Speaker 6:
[80:21] Yeah.

Speaker 4:
[80:21] True. Barry Sanders wore number 20 for the Detroit Lions.

Speaker 7:
[80:25] Okay.

Speaker 5:
[80:26] Yes.

Speaker 4:
[80:27] True. Bernie Sanders was born in 1945.

Speaker 7:
[80:31] Yeah.

Speaker 5:
[80:31] True.

Speaker 4:
[80:32] False. 1941. Diana Ross is from Cranberry, New Jersey. She's from Detroit.

Speaker 5:
[80:38] Okay. How Taylor do I think I would have heard of that?

Speaker 4:
[80:40] Nine.

Speaker 5:
[80:42] Pretty good.

Speaker 4:
[80:42] Pretty good.

Speaker 5:
[80:43] Not bad.

Speaker 4:
[80:44] But no cigar.

Speaker 5:
[80:45] I know that's me. I'll never be fully perfect no matter how hard I try. I'll be close my whole life.

Speaker 4:
[80:51] You are fully perfect or just as you are right now.

Speaker 5:
[80:54] Thank you. But you mean that in the way of like our flaws like us who we are kind of thing.

Speaker 4:
[80:57] Totally.

Speaker 5:
[80:57] I'm not interested in that completely.

Speaker 4:
[80:59] You want no flaws.

Speaker 5:
[81:00] I want no flaws.

Speaker 4:
[81:01] It's not all it's cracked up to be.

Speaker 5:
[81:02] I'm not going to let myself enjoy life until I get there.

Speaker 4:
[81:05] Having no flaws seems like a lot of fun until you have none.

Speaker 5:
[81:07] You feel completely beholden to it.

Speaker 4:
[81:09] Zero flaws. It makes me sick.

Speaker 5:
[81:11] It makes me sick every day to be having like a pretty all right time in life. Yeah.

Speaker 4:
[81:17] Yeah.

Speaker 5:
[81:18] Yeah.

Speaker 4:
[81:18] I guess you're right.

Speaker 5:
[81:19] You're kind of rocking it and making the most of it.

Speaker 4:
[81:21] I'm freaking it.

Speaker 5:
[81:22] You're freaking it.

Speaker 6:
[81:23] I've been saying that nonstop in terms of my life I'm freaking it.

Speaker 5:
[81:25] You're freaking it. You are kind of freaking it.

Speaker 4:
[81:27] Do you feel that you're freaking it?

Speaker 5:
[81:29] I mean, if this isn't freaking it, I don't know. At least this week I'm freaking it. You're freaking it this week.

Speaker 4:
[81:34] You can take a big nap after all this. I hope you get some sleep this weekend.

Speaker 5:
[81:37] Thank you. I took a big nap yesterday.

Speaker 4:
[81:40] Yeah.

Speaker 5:
[81:41] But I also have really bad FOMO. Like everyone's in town for the premiere. I want to hang with everyone. Seeing like our crew at the premiere, but then kind of working and not being able to get blackout with them was really, really hard for me. And I feel like they think I'm worried that they think our whole crew is gay, by the way, so that lends some info to this. But it's like, I think they feel like I have like no commitment to blacking out. And it's like, I actually do and nothing would make me happier, you know? But I am so tired.

Speaker 4:
[82:08] They think you're not committed to blacking out.

Speaker 5:
[82:09] They think I'm not committed to blacking out. And I go, I literally am. That's all I want.

Speaker 4:
[82:13] Do you want to black out tonight?

Speaker 5:
[82:15] No, I got to be up early tomorrow. See, that's a problem. But they're kind of, I kind of feel like some crew members are able to sort of like do, like they were kind of like, so what? You have to go somewhere in the morning. And I go, oh my God, that's right. Like y'all are working like 24-7. Like you guys are getting up at ungodly hours.

Speaker 6:
[82:32] Actually hard jobs, like moving shit, using their body.

Speaker 5:
[82:35] You're doing whatever. And I'm just kind of like, I can't be wrinkly on camera.

Speaker 4:
[82:38] Yeah.

Speaker 5:
[82:39] I can't be dehydrated wrinkly on camera. And they're kind of going, that's not a problem. And I'm like, you're making good points.

Speaker 4:
[82:43] Let's get back out tonight.

Speaker 5:
[82:45] Okay.

Speaker 4:
[82:47] Let's get back out tonight.

Speaker 5:
[82:48] I'm beyond hung over on Kelly Clarkson tomorrow. I barf in her shoe.

Speaker 4:
[82:52] She would love that. You know, she's been blackout before.

Speaker 5:
[82:54] For sure. I'd hope.

Speaker 7:
[82:55] Kelly, I hope.

Speaker 4:
[82:57] Kelly Clarkson. She's been blackout.

Speaker 5:
[82:58] I hope so. She's probably been to a lot of good parties.

Speaker 4:
[83:01] Probably. And guess what?

Speaker 5:
[83:01] I've been to a lot of boring parties where she goes, I'm gonna need a drink tonight.

Speaker 4:
[83:04] Yeah. And I'm making Dan get blackout with us tonight as well.

Speaker 5:
[83:07] You know, he, I was just saying this to someone. I feel like people would guess that I last longer than him. But sometimes when it's work play, he, he pulls it out and, and he's like down to go out.

Speaker 4:
[83:18] Dan's out.

Speaker 5:
[83:19] He's out.

Speaker 4:
[83:20] He'll do stuff.

Speaker 5:
[83:20] Yes, he will. And he'll stay out. Like he'll be one. If he's ready to rally, he will.

Speaker 4:
[83:25] I ruined the game of charades at his house once.

Speaker 9:
[83:27] Why? What was it?

Speaker 4:
[83:28] It wasn't charades.

Speaker 6:
[83:29] It was like, it was like, Oh, the celebrity game, something like that.

Speaker 4:
[83:32] And I like totally messed up the rules and just gave my thing away immediately. Ruined it in front of Jesse Tyler Ferguson.

Speaker 5:
[83:39] Oh my God.

Speaker 9:
[83:40] What kind of gay guy cabal was this?

Speaker 4:
[83:43] I know.

Speaker 5:
[83:43] That's why I wasn't invited to Jesse Tyler Ferguson.

Speaker 4:
[83:46] There were only three gay guys there.

Speaker 5:
[83:48] Oh, okay.

Speaker 4:
[83:48] Other than that, a lot of women.

Speaker 5:
[83:50] Dan has your friendship makeup a bit. Yes, it is very like women forward friend group.

Speaker 4:
[83:55] That's what I love about him.

Speaker 5:
[83:56] Yes. It's stylish women.

Speaker 4:
[83:58] Is there anything you want to tell people before we go?

Speaker 9:
[84:01] I love Caleb.

Speaker 5:
[84:04] I can't wait for our film. I can't wait for our child.

Speaker 4:
[84:07] Yeah.

Speaker 5:
[84:08] And I can't wait for tonight.

Speaker 4:
[84:10] Yeah. We're doing Blackout.

Speaker 5:
[84:12] Yeah.

Speaker 4:
[84:12] What can I say? Something?

Speaker 6:
[84:13] Yeah.

Speaker 4:
[84:14] This is something I'm just thinking of now off the top of my head. Here's to the nights we'll never remember with the people we'll never forget. Do you know what I mean?

Speaker 5:
[84:22] Yes. That's right now.

Speaker 4:
[84:25] I love it.

Speaker 6:
[84:25] I love you.

Speaker 4:
[84:26] I love you.

Speaker 5:
[84:26] Thanks for having me.

Speaker 4:
[84:27] Ciao, for real.

Speaker 6:
[84:28] Ciao bella.

Speaker 4:
[84:29] Ciao bella.

Speaker 5:
[84:30] Ciao caramina.

Speaker 4:
[84:30] Ciao caramina. Ciao bella bella.

Speaker 11:
[84:33] Ryan Reynolds here from Mint Mobile.

Speaker 10:
[84:35] The message for everyone paying big wireless way too much.

Speaker 11:
[84:38] Please for the love of everything good in this world, stop. With Mint, you can get premium wireless for just $15 a month. Of course, if you enjoy overpaying, no judgments, but that's weird.

Speaker 8:
[84:48] Okay, one judgment.

Speaker 5:
[84:51] Anyway, give it a try at mintmobile.com/switch.

Speaker 3:
[84:55] Upfront payment of $45 for three-month plan equivalent to $15 per month required. Intro rate first three months only, then full price plan options available, taxes and fees extra.

Speaker 12:
[85:02] See full terms at mintmobile.com.