transcript

Speaker 1:
[00:02] Christian Parenting.

Speaker 2:
[00:09] Are you searching for the perfect gifts to celebrate the special moms, dads and grads in your life? We are thrilled to bring back the Christian Parenting Mom's Dad's and Grad's Gift Guide. This year's edition is the best one yet. Whether you're honoring a loving mom, a devoted dad or an aspiring grad, we've got you covered with meaningful gifts that they'll truly love. From Bibles and study tools to encouraging books, you're guaranteed to find something special for everyone on your gift list this spring. Visit christianparenting.org/gifts, to explore the 2026 Mom's, Dad's, and Grad's Gift Guide today. The link is also in my show notes today. Hey friends, welcome back to Pardon the Mess. I'm your host, Courtney DeFeo, and I'm delighted to introduce you to a new friend, Tammie Floyd, but before we get there, I need you to go to my Instagram, not Pardon the Mess, but Courtney DeFeo, and look at the video I posted for Larson's birthday. I stayed up for like an hour or two the night before her 17th birthday, and I was like so amused finding all the crazy pictures of her. She was just wild. I mean, wild, wild. And you wouldn't know it now if you saw her. She's like super put together, but she was my wild one. And I mean, so many pictures of her upside down, flailing off of this thing, pretzels on her nose. I mean, just crazy time, but I did a little birthday montage to Wild Thing, the song, and it just made me giggle. And so I heard from so many of you that were like, oh my gosh, this is my little one. She's four right now. Is she ever going to turn out? Is she going to jail? And so as Tammie and I talk about at the end of this episode, her daughter Faith was apparently like that too. And so it makes sense that her and Larson have found each other. But Tammie Floyd is the wife of Daniel Floyd and they are a new couple to our town. We are so delighted to have them in the Dallas-Fort Worth area. And so obviously I just wanted to get to know her and I've been praying about these last few episodes of the school year and who was going to be on. And it just really kept pressing on my heart to have Tammie. And so she and Daniel came here last August to take over Gateway Church. They're the new pastors of Gateway Church. And Larson and her daughter Faith go to school together and they just became fast friends. So I wanted to just pick her brain from a pastor's standpoint, just about friendship and community, the importance of the local church, what God is teaching her right now. And make sure you get to the end because she looks back over 20 years, she's got four kids and she's been doing it over 20 years. But she looks back and says there's a theme that she can look through and see that they always had honesty, humility, and humor. And I love those threes and we can start with that this week. If we do anything, we can say, all right, how can we provide a tone and a setting in our home for honesty, for humility, and then also fun, like she says, through humor. So enjoy my new friend Tammie and here we go. Tammie, welcome to Pardon the Mess. I'm so excited that you're here today.

Speaker 1:
[03:13] Thank you for asking me to be here. I'm happy to be here.

Speaker 2:
[03:16] Well, you are new to our area and playing such a special role in my life because you birthed a daughter named Faith that is a great friend of Larson, but catch everybody up to speed if they don't know you. What brought you here? Tell us a little bit about your family. You have many children and many ages, so just tell us about your family and just the stage of life.

Speaker 1:
[03:34] Well, I'm so grateful for you and your family, and Larson has been such an answer to prayer for us. So I'm married to my best friend, Daniel Floyd. We've been married 22 years in June, and just love and life and live in an adventure of surrender currently right now for sure. So we planted a church 20 years ago in Virginia, in Fredericksburg, Virginia, called Life Point Church, and we love it and still love it, and felt like we would be there forever, like wage our grandbabies there and do all of life there. I don't know that my husband will ever retire, but some form of retiring was gonna happen in Virginia. And last year, we received a phone call about a church, Gateway Church in Dallas, Fort Worth, Texas area, that was in need of a pastor. So we were asked if we would pray and consider to be part of that process. So I have to be honest, Courtney, that was not on our bingo card, as my husband has been saying lately. And, but we had a conversation and we felt like, we think the Lord might be in this. And so it was a hard and fast decision, six months of prayer and godly counsel and seeking the Lord desperately to know what he was asking of us, because LifePoint was all our kids had ever known and, which I'll get to my kids in a second. And so to uproot our lives and move halfway across the country was, you know, just huge. So anyways, the Lord made it so clear. He was so kind and gracious. And we said yes. So we moved here last August to Dallas area and we've officially been here nine months tomorrow. Yeah. So not even a year yet. And I still kind of I'm like, I believe we did it. I'm like, I'm a Texan, which I was born in Texas. So that's kind of ironic too. Yeah. So I'm Texan again. But we have four amazing kids. We kind of say our church was our first baby, our LifePoint church. But then a couple years in, we had Owen. He's now 19 years old. He is a freshman at Southeastern University in Florida. And he is loving the college life. It is made for him. Daughter named Faith, who's a junior in high school. And then we took a break, started over. And we have a daughter, Abigail. She's nine years old and third grade. And we adopted a little boy at five days old named Jonas. And he is seven and in first grade. So we call them the bigs and the littles. So we feel a little emotionally exhausted and physically exhausted all at the same time. And we'll live forever in Jesus' name.

Speaker 2:
[06:14] Yeah.

Speaker 1:
[06:15] We need to.

Speaker 2:
[06:17] My baby brother was born when I was nine. My sister was 11. And he was a surprise. My sister prayed every day for two years that she would have a baby brother. My parents were like, no, no, no, it's just you two. And then as God would have it, he was born. But we loved having, I don't know if he loved it because he had three mothers. But looking back now, it was so exciting. And I think it made my mom like super young because she's like, oh, I thought we were done with kindergarten and field days and here we go again. So we're doing this thing again.

Speaker 1:
[06:47] I'm doing third grade for the fourth time, including my own participation in third grade. And this time in life, I don't remember math like I should.

Speaker 2:
[06:57] That's right. That's right. Well, your son is like the mascot of our school. He has the cutest personality. I think by day two, everyone knew who he was. We're like, who is this little firecracker? He is so cute.

Speaker 1:
[07:10] Yeah, he does not meet a stranger. A stranger is merely a friend he hasn't met yet. So he's been a blessing. Yeah, he's the best.

Speaker 2:
[07:17] Well, you mentioned one challenge, just the stages and just the gap in age. But what is one another challenging thing that you're dealing with right now in parenting? Maybe another mom will be like, me too.

Speaker 1:
[07:27] Yeah. Okay. So we just moved here and I knew all of my kids, friends, parents for years, for decades, really. And so moving here to a new city, my kids are making fast friends, but I don't know their families. And so, you know, that's kind of been like, there's just been some things on this journey for us, especially because everything felt like it happened pretty quick, that I'm like, Lord, we trust you for the house we're going to end up living in and we're going to trust you for the school or ends up we're going to, our kids are going to end up being in, which has been so great. And so I, I've just kind of like, and when we call it our second batch, like the little ones, the second batch. And you know, when, when we did it the first time, when we had the older ones, I was much younger, I was stay at home mom and all in. So we did the play dates, we did the mommy dates, we did everything we could to just stay sane. But now I'm a little more established, but my little kids, they still kind of, they're getting invited to birthday parties and they're getting invited to play dates and they're getting invited to all the things. And we have this new full assignment on our life. So one of the things that the Lord's been helping me with is like saying yes to what I sense is the right things and just saying thank you so much for asking, but we're not gonna be able to do it right now. And you know, our school is so sweet that they want everybody in the class invited to a birthday party if there's a birthday party. And that's a lot of parties. So I've just had to be okay with saying, you know what? We're not able to do that this weekend. Thank you, because genuinely thank you for inviting us. But with our family dynamic right now, we're just not going to be able to say yes. And I will say this too, Courtney, I learned this a few years ago, and this was incredibly helpful as my kids got older, is the call of God on our family requires a lot of their mom and dad. And so we started asking our kids, and while letting them know, hey, this is a family calling, and we're not going to be able to say yes to everything. But what are the things, what are like the two things this year that you really want mom and dad to be at? Because if you've got your extracurricular activities, and you've got your musicals, and my daughter's the cheerleader, we can't be at every Friday night game. But what Friday night games do you not want us to miss? And that was really freeing because we were feeling this pressure of we've got to be at everything, and do everything, and it wasn't working out. And then we were like, oh, we're disappointing the kids. But then when we came together and had this family meeting, no, why don't you tell us what really means a lot to you? And so I'm excited for our little-

Speaker 2:
[10:09] That is huge.

Speaker 1:
[10:10] To experience that too, yeah. And it's been really helpful for the-

Speaker 2:
[10:15] Well, and I don't even think we think we have permission to do that. I think when mine were little and I was a stay at home mom, like I wanted to be, and I tried to be at every single field trip and everything, and I only had two. But I remember a mom that was working and she said, I commit to one field trip a year. And I was like, what? You can do that? That's a role. And so I love that you're giving people permission to do that. I want to switch to friendship for a second if you're okay with that. I saw a thing on Instagram where you were preaching about circles, I think, and just different levels of friendship. And it helped me because I love people and I love helping, but I get overwhelmed with people because I truly want to save the world. And it's a little bit prideful that I think I'm the best friend for everybody.

Speaker 1:
[10:58] Well, you're kind of exceptional. Yes.

Speaker 2:
[11:01] Well, you're kind. But I do think there's limits to it. And I imagine, I moved here too, we moved here about 10 years ago, and everyone is so kind. And I imagine as a pastor's wife, everyone wants you to know all these people, and you just physically can't. And so, Larson was like, Mom, have you talked to Tammie? And I'm like, I'm giving her like six months. I'm going to just get her head above water and not be demanding your time because there's so many people asking for it. So, will you give us some parameters on how we can think about friendship in this stage of motherhood?

Speaker 1:
[11:30] Absolutely. I'm so passionate about it right now because I think adult friendships especially is so challenging. Like when we're little kids, we are kind of friends with our parents' friends, right? But then as you become an adult, like it's on us to make friendships. And so the circles I talked about is basically like we have our outer circle, which is people that you see every now and then maybe in your everyday life. But then there's the inner circle, like your acquaintances, those you may, you know, like a room mom or your kids are in the same class at school or you go to the same gym or you're at church together. But then there's your core, which is your inner, like your core of the circle. I call these my pantry friends because most pantries are smaller, not so much in Texas. Texas has some big pantries, but think like your first house pantry, if you even had one. Yeah, it's smaller and it's a space that I want to go, I say I want to go in with my friends, hide and eat snacks. Like this is like the spot that just a few, you can't fit many in your pantry. And you know, even Jesus, he had his 12, but then he had the three that he brought close in like the most intimate and serious situations in his life. So now finding those pantry friends takes time. And as time goes on, I think sometimes the pantry friends, some of them maybe need to move to the living room or maybe even the front porch. And friendship takes work, but it's so worth the effort. So even in coming here to Texas, like there's just been a few girls, my husband and I like to talk about it. Pastor John Osteen, Pastor Joel Osteen's dad wrote a book years ago called The Divine Flow. And it's this, and you've probably felt it, but there's just people that come into your life that you just kind of feel like an instant heart connection with. Like you've known each other forever, and it's like a supernatural kind of thing. And so as an adult, I just pay attention to those type of moments of like, okay Lord, I think this might be a friendship that you're asking me to do the coffee date with and take the lunch appointment or take the invitation. Like you said, can't do it with just everybody, but I do think that life, I know life is built on relationships. We would not be here in Texas had it not been for a relationship we had made a decade ago. Yeah. Wow. I think just giving, really evaluating your friendships and who are the ones that you do feel like you're supposed to bring in close and then giving the effort because we really do have time. We really do make time for the things we really want to make time for. Yeah. And I think those are true. Friendships are the thing that we've got to be better at making time for. And also being okay if someone doesn't want me in their pantry. You know, not forcing myself into their life. And hopefully, if you're that person that's forcing yourself in someone else's life, like it shouldn't be that hard. It's going to take work, but it shouldn't feel like a fight, especially at the beginning. I don't know. The Lord really brought a girl into my life when we moved to Texas. And we literally talk all the time about like, where have you been forever? But you were in Texas and I was in Virginia. But it's just one of those friendships that's like, we already feel like we know each other and can be vulnerable and whatever. But just the discernment to the Holy Spirit is very, you know, such a gift.

Speaker 2:
[14:56] What I love and I think we want to apologize or like prove to people that we're nice. And I'm not, you know, it's like, but just trusting that God has the best for you and that friend is like such a, I don't know, it's a relief valve. It's like take the pressure off of yourself. And like you said, you've been very kind when I've reached out to you. Like you're never like ugly about like, no, we are too cool. It's like maybe next week or maybe like you're very kind. Like you said about thank you for the invitation because you appreciate the love. But let's talk to the people who are really struggling to find friends. And so I think when we moved here, I assumed right at the start people invited us to everything. And then it kind of quiets down and you're kind of sitting there going, I think I have to put myself out there. And so we encourage that person who's like, I don't really have anybody to put in my pantry and I don't know why. And it's really sad.

Speaker 1:
[15:46] Yeah, I think I would just, I'm so sorry. I have been there too and it is the worst. But I want to say it is not forever because it's not God's design. Like he created us for community. So since he loves community so much, he loves that for you too.

Speaker 2:
[16:02] Yeah.

Speaker 1:
[16:03] I know that there is effort that has to be put into it. So I would say, just say yes, say yes to the ones that you feel like, oh, I feel like there could be something there. But then also follow up. So like with you Courtney, you were so gracious to me and I want to say that too is extend grace. You extended grace to me when I was like, I can't do that date. And then we rescheduled and then I'm like, oh wait, I can't do that date either. And now here we are, right? So like just giving grace towards other people that maybe it's really not a good time for them. But also being willing to, like you said, put yourself out there. I will say I'm a local church girl. I love the Big C Church. The Big C Church has always been our heart. And a lot of churches now offer like small groups or life groups.

Speaker 2:
[16:51] Yeah.

Speaker 1:
[16:51] And that is where I have found my closest friends. And when I had young kids and we had started our church, we did not have a mommy and me group. And I was like, I need a mommy and me group. And the Lord said, you're right. So you do it. So start it.

Speaker 2:
[17:08] Yeah.

Speaker 1:
[17:09] So I did. I started this mommy and me group and it was total chaos. And maybe we watched the video and we prayed and the kids were like climbing all over us. But it was fine. We were together. And some of my closest friends came out of that small group era in my life. I agree. So I think the local church, the Body of Christ, really does offer great opportunities to find community, even just what's maybe right in front of you. I think it's maybe a little more available than we realize.

Speaker 2:
[17:43] Yeah, I agree. And Ron and I look back at the seasons, our marriage was the strongest, were times where we were in small group and it felt like impossible to leave the kids, but God would make a way. And so I remember this one story. I just left Chick-fil-A Headquarters and we were in a first small group and Ella was a baby. And I really wanted a consistent babysitter. I'm like, it's going to stress me out so bad if I have to find a babysitter every week. And so I reached out to some interns at Chick-fil-A and said, y'all know anyone that actually likes kids that wants to babysit? And they said, yes, there's this girl, her name is Lindsay, and she really loves kids. And so she ended up babysitting for me and another family every week. And she's still in our lives. 18 years later has become like an aunt to them. And just that full circle of like, I've poured into her, she poured into the kids, and we've just remained friends. And so it was a ministry opportunity that I just, I'm so glad we asked because she was such a gift to our family. And I think that the kids notice when Ron and I are taking time for ourselves, I've made them the center of my world and sometimes too much the center of my world, where they're, I think they like it when they go, no, you and mom and dad spend time together. I don't want to be the center of attention 24 hours a day, seven days a week.

Speaker 1:
[18:56] So, you know, one thing, can I say this real quick? So absolutely, when we first started our church in Virginia, we didn't have any kids. So we were like 100% all in, we were portable church. So we were setting up, tearing down every weekend. And we were meeting in homes or coffee shops during the week for meetings. And once we did start having kids, well Owen and Faith, we had two, they're two and a half years apart. And we were like, we have to have a date night. Like it has got to be on the calendar, just like a meeting. And you know, early on, it felt like, well then it's not special. And it's like, no, it doesn't happen. Like when you start really adulting, you put on your calendar what's important, right? So every Thursday night, Thursday night was our date night. And we found there was a young college girl at the church and we're like, hey, can we hire you every Thursday night to just come over to the house for a couple of hours and watch The Littles so we can just go to dinner? And we haven't hit it every Thursday, but even to this day, but our kids, like you said, our kids need to see mom and dad love each other and they love us. But they're also making time for each other because that's what we want them to model too, right? When they get married one day. And so even those young girls in our lives, like ask them because they're hungry and waiting, right? A lot of them.

Speaker 2:
[20:19] Yeah, absolutely, absolutely. And now the babysitters make like bank these days. I'm like, maybe I should go back and babysit. I'd be loaded.

Speaker 1:
[20:29] I can't even keep up with it. I'm like, I don't really know what to pay you.

Speaker 2:
[20:32] I have this much in my checking account. I was like, how are you making more money than me? I'm so confused.

Speaker 1:
[20:38] I know.

Speaker 2:
[20:41] This message is really for parents who have been through it. If you have sat in meetings, tried different approaches and still felt like your child was working twice as hard to keep up, you are not alone. LearningRx focuses on strengthening the brain skills that make learning easier, like attention, memory, and processing speed through one-on-one brain training. One mom, Susie, discovered LearningRx when her son was kicked out of preschool for attention and sensory challenges. She was so impressed with LearningRx brain training that she opened her own LearningRx center to help her son and other families. Today, her son is thriving in college. If you have ever wanted to help families find hope and build a business that you can feel proud of, opening a LearningRx center may be for you. Visit opennesscenter.com to learn more. Okay, so let's switch to faith for a second. I think there's parents listening who grew up in a Christian home, and this is like second nature to them. They know how to pray. They know how to read their Bible. And then there's some that are brand new to faith. And I want to talk to them. They want this for their kids, but they feel so ill-equipped. Where do I even start? And obviously, we want to go to church. But any other tips of like, if you don't know your Bible and you want to raise your kids in a Christian home, where's a good place to start?

Speaker 1:
[22:00] I just feel like, honestly, right off the top of my head, is there, we have so much accessibility now to anything. Through our phones, through the web, through the internet, through websites. I would just like, what is it in your home that you want to start integrating into your family and search it and find? There's so many great Bible, not just like Bible studies, but like kids books to like read through with your kids at night or shows on television that are really great. I mean, my littles grew up with Veggie Tales. Come on now, Veggie Tales.

Speaker 2:
[22:33] Yeah.

Speaker 1:
[22:33] And I don't think that's around anymore. But there's other great like cartoons, games. I know the Bible app has a whole kid section. I like, don't overthink it. Don't overthink it. Like there really is. You don't. I feel like too, you know, in college and stuff, it was find yourself a mentor, be a mentee, be willing to have someone older than you, like kind of help you on your journey with the Lord. And it was kind of challenging to do that. Well, now you can find, I mean, maybe not a face-to-face mentor, but you can get mentored every day by right now. Media has so much curriculum and inside podcasts. I'm in my car all the time, Courtney. I am my children's assistant right now. And I just run podcasts like this. What a gift, you know, like as I'm heading to the school pickup and getting ideas and doing activities with the kids, you know, like especially around holidays and Easter, Christmas, all that kind of stuff. But I would just say, don't overthink it. I think that's kind of what I want to say is just, I love that. Just go for it. Yeah.

Speaker 2:
[23:39] Yeah. I love it. I think we can get frozen in fear of like doing it right. And it's like, just start. And I love that. I remember the other day, Larson said, Mom, I heard this song and it's like, I know this song and she brought it to me and it was a praise song. And I was like, Lars, I think you sang that when you were three and four at North Point Church in Atlanta. And she was like, really? She was like, I knew every word. And so I think it's so interesting even how music can like just put scripture in their hearts and just come back to them years later, which is so sweet to watch her recognize that. What is God teaching you right now in this season of parenting? Cause I'm sure it's different day to day, but anything specific that he's pressing on your heart that we can learn from?

Speaker 1:
[24:22] So I'm gonna start with my oldest. He's in college now and he's 19. And you know, he's an adult as he would say, but on our paycheck, you know, so I'm like, but he is, he's a young man now. He's at school. I don't know what he's doing. I don't know what he's doing right this minute. I know where his car is. Cause I have, you know, 360. But, and I trust him. He's a, he's an incredible young man. But I am having to learn what I need to be asking and what I need to just be letting go. So that's hard for me as a mom because I want to, you know, give advice and give suggestions. And him and his dad are very close. My husband and him have the most precious relationship and Courtney right now, I really know nothing going on in his life because he tells his dad everything. And then my husband, not intentionally, but he's just forgetting to tell me stuff right now. He's got a lot in his brain currently, especially. And I'm just having to really let that go. Like, I know one of us is engaged in his life and like just trusting him, like fully trusting him to Jesus. Like, Lord, I know you took him there to that school. It's really far from Texas, but I trust that you have him in the palm of your hands. So several years ago, my husband and I did a Bible study called Parenting on Purpose. I don't know if you've heard of it. It's a really great, like our small group did it, like the small group we were in, we did it together. And it talks about the three phases of parenting. And basically, like, there's control, then there's training, then there's coaching. So like the control phase is like tell, you know, like right around, I don't know, elementary, mid-elementary age, second, third grade. Then you're in this whole phase of like coach, like training, training them how to do things through high school. And now my son is in the coaching phase. So I've got to like, I'm not, I don't need to be telling him what to do anymore. I can be asking some questions, but really, he's got to be the one to figure it out. Yeah. That's, that's been hard because then at the same time, I have a first grader, little boy who I am controlling.

Speaker 2:
[26:31] Yeah.

Speaker 1:
[26:32] Mostly. I mean, you know, it's, oh, it's a, it's a little bit of like, sometimes it's just no. It's, but it's, yeah.

Speaker 2:
[26:38] Yeah.

Speaker 1:
[26:38] We try really hard to give the why behind the what. So I don't want to just, I don't want to just let my kids to hear a bunch of nos without the reasoning behind it. Yeah.

Speaker 2:
[26:47] Love it.

Speaker 1:
[26:47] But, but that's hard when you have a big age gap.

Speaker 2:
[26:50] Yeah. I am feeling the same way with Ella gone and realizing like, yes, it's my desire to control, be in the know, and I also want to be the place she comes when she's upset. And I'm learning like, no, got to answer my prayers and put her in a small group and put her in a church and put her with friends that are all stepping up and filling roles that I used to fill. And I can feel, I can get my feelings hurt a little bit of like, I want to be the one. But it's like, no, I've prayed for these relationships and she's only going to grow to like, I don't know how to cope without me. And she's soaring, I'm the one that's over here like, I'm so bad, but it really is an adjustment to switch. And I'm sure for you, when you've got one in the home like that, having to switch those hats all the time has got to be tricky. So thank you for sharing that. OK, last question. As a pastor, what would be your hope as you and your husband think about the young parents in your congregation and they're up against a lot? They've got social media, they've got pressure, they've got just all kinds of opportunity and all the things. What would be your hope? Sports, oh my gosh, sports. What would be your hope as you in prayer, as you look out to that audience of young parents?

Speaker 1:
[27:56] Yeah, oh my gosh, we have such a huge heart for the next generation. We call our youth the now generation. But talking about babies through 12th grade, and I hope that our community begins to really experience that from the ministry of Gateway, which is, I just want to say to Gateway Church is the most beautiful, miraculous church that I've seen, maybe ever. I don't know, it is full of the most beautiful people that have been faithful to the Lord and to His Bride for some of them 25 years. And to step into something that, you know, had some heartache and some pain, but just hands, arms wide open to my family and how much love they've given to us and care they've given to us. But, you know, for the next chapter of Gateway, our prayer is that these young families and kids would not just hear about Jesus, but know Jesus on a personal level. And there's so much of the world that is trying to take from us, including time and weekends. And I would just really encourage, especially the young families, that we've had a chance to really connect with over 20 years of ministry, including ourselves, is just keep them planted in the house of God. Keep them planted in the house of God. And maybe there's a weekend or two or five that you have to miss because of sports or whatever. But I just think it's so important that they know that church is a priority for our family. So my dad was a chaplain in the Air Force. My husband's dad was a pastor. And we say we had a drug problem and that we were drug to church. And we were there for everything. And you know, I don't really ever remember a time where it was like, I mean, there were seasons where like, as a teenager, I don't really want to get up in the morning and go. But like, I look back now and I'm so grateful. I'm so grateful because it built those songs that I sang in Sunday school that my kids are now singing at their school. Me too, me too, Larson. Like I can say the words as if I sang them yesterday and it was 30 years ago, 40 years ago.

Speaker 2:
[30:13] Crazy.

Speaker 1:
[30:14] But just fight, fight for your family to be planted in the house of God because it is there that they will flourish in the days ahead.

Speaker 2:
[30:23] Yeah.

Speaker 1:
[30:23] Amen to that. And there's so many incredible kids, ministries and camps and, you know, I would say that too, like making it an, it's an investment financially for like camps and stuff for the summers and different things, VBS and all that. But it's so worth, it's so worth the investment, whatever that is, if it's time, driving, maybe a financial piece, but just keeping them planted in the house of God and then let them see you pray, let them see you in the Word throughout the week. You know, let them witness that, you know, kids pick up a lot more on what we do than what we say, and let them see that in you as you raise them and you're in front of them and the friends that you're around and the music you're listening to and the books that you're reading and the movies you go to. It's kind of like, parenting is the hardest thing ever, ever.

Speaker 2:
[31:12] Ever.

Speaker 1:
[31:12] Period.

Speaker 2:
[31:13] Closing prayer.

Speaker 1:
[31:14] Period. It's just, it is so challenging and so personal. And I was thinking about, can I share one more thing, Courtney?

Speaker 2:
[31:22] Absolutely. Okay.

Speaker 1:
[31:23] So I know I was coming on the podcast about, to talk about parenting and it's, it's hard for me to kind of, cause I do have the two batches. So, but like the little littles, I haven't done that in a while. So, but I remember how hard it was, which was why I really felt so compelled to start this Mommy and Me small group, because I was like, I cannot be alone in this, right?

Speaker 2:
[31:47] Yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 1:
[31:48] But I was kind of thinking through the last 19 years of parenting, and I kind of thought through, like we actually have had three main themes that's really kind of gone, like been interwoven throughout our parenting, and I made them H's so they're easy to remember. I was a teacher at some point, so I'm very like, what's going to be sticky that you don't forget? To all your listeners.

Speaker 2:
[32:09] I love it.

Speaker 1:
[32:10] But the three things that have just kind of been consistent is honesty, humility, and humor. And when I say honesty, what I mean about that is it's okay to tell your kids you messed up because we are imperfect people. And there have been many times that I have, you know, gotten a little louder than I should have, or I've, you know, disciplined them in a way that wasn't the best, or I've given them information that wasn't correct. And I have to go back around and apologize and say that was not okay for me to respond that way. And also, will you forgive me? So, it's not just an apology, but it's an apology with an ask of forgiveness. And it's kind of sweet because when my littles argue now, because they do a lot lately, and we say, no, you need to go apologize. Jonas especially, Abigail will say, I'm sorry, you know, for what I did. And we make her say what she did. And then he says, okay, I forgive you. So, it's like, they've heard it enough. You know what I mean? So, apologies with forgiveness. So, just be honest, mom messed up, dad messed up. And then the humility of like, I'm not a perfect person. And this is why we have the gift of Jesus for forgiveness and redemption and second chances and third chances and all the things. But also I would say, let them be honest with you.

Speaker 2:
[33:34] Yeah, I agree.

Speaker 1:
[33:34] Because when I grew up, my parents were incredible and I'm still in such a close relationship with them. They moved to Texas last October, thank God. So they're in Texas with us. But growing up, some of the things I just heard, no, don't do that. And I never really understood why. It was just a lot of like no's and whatever. So when our kids were like, no, we want to explain to them more. But another step further is we want them talking to us. So I will say this, let your kids talk to you, let them be honest with you about anything and everything. And word of advice, try really hard to watch your face. Because there are things my children talk to us about, my big kids especially right now, that I am like, I cannot believe they're having this conversation with us right now. They're really wanting to talk about this, everything. Everything.

Speaker 2:
[34:23] And you're like, cool, cool, yeah, right.

Speaker 1:
[34:25] And really you're like, yeah. Yeah, especially around their dating now, and all of the things we desire for them with purity and just guarding their hearts. And so they, we just have told them, you can ask us anything.

Speaker 2:
[34:41] Yeah, good.

Speaker 1:
[34:43] We love that because they are picking up the phone and calling us. And you're going to, you know, like that is just such a treasure. But also we had to like not freak out when they would say things. And like, you can't say that. You know, like, that's right. We don't say that in this house. It's like, no, no, no. Like, let them talk. Let them talk.

Speaker 2:
[35:01] Yeah.

Speaker 1:
[35:01] And then just humor. Just parenting is so hard, but it is so funny.

Speaker 2:
[35:07] It is very-

Speaker 1:
[35:07] Kids do the funniest, say the funniest. Like, even as our older kids, like, they're just so fun and funny. And we just try to laugh a lot. We laugh at ourselves a lot. You're like, that's a little weird. But we're kind of weird. Weird is fun and normal is boring, right? I don't know.

Speaker 2:
[35:26] That's right.

Speaker 1:
[35:27] So, yeah, like, let them be honest, have the humility of like, I was wrong and then just enjoy it. Just have fun and if it's like a hard season, like try to find something fun to do as a family together or, you know, just being creative with breakfast for dinner because it's chocolate chip pancake night and we're going to sit on the floor and watch a movie. You know, it doesn't even have to cost money.

Speaker 2:
[35:53] Yeah.

Speaker 1:
[35:54] So.

Speaker 2:
[35:54] I love that. I'm going to talk to my sister's mom's group next week in Atlanta. And they asked me to speak on like setting the tone. And one of the things I was thinking about was like, I want to do these grand gestures and like make these epic moments. And it's like, it's the ordinary, everyday, consistent dance party in the kitchen, music con that they remember. And I wanted it to be like this Pinterest showstopper. And they don't remember all those moments. They just don't. They remember Ron driving them to school every day and teaching them every genre of music. Like they just remember those things. But I love your framework. The moms listening are going to be like, thank you. Because I think on even podcasts like mine, you get so overwhelmed, you don't even know where to start. And so those three H's we can definitely start with today, which I love. Let me tell you one more thing about Faith. And then will you pray for us after that? That would be amazing.

Speaker 1:
[36:46] Absolutely.

Speaker 2:
[36:47] She has your eyes. But one of the things I tell the girls, I'm like, you can really feel God's presence a lot of times through someone's eyes. And I feel like she just brings light and joy and just such a presence into the school and into their friendship and into the classroom. And it just, Larsen, it loves her. And so I think they're bonded. They're like you talked about. I think that was one of those Holy Spirit moments where they were bonded. I'm just thankful for how you raised her. She is thriving and most, I don't know a lot of girls that could walk in a junior in high school and thrive the way she has. But it says a lot about your parenting and a lot about Jesus and her. So good job, mama.

Speaker 1:
[37:24] Thank you. Thank you. Well, the reason we have such a massive gap is because Faith was back. Faith was so hard. No, I should have given the whole time to this conversation. But I just want to say those hard kids, it's because they're such a call on their life. I sat in the parking lot with her yesterday at school before she went in the morning and I said, baby, daddy and I tried so hard not to break your spirit, but we had to break your disobedience.

Speaker 2:
[37:52] Oh, that's good.

Speaker 1:
[37:54] She like wild, wild stallion.

Speaker 2:
[37:58] Yeah.

Speaker 1:
[37:59] Now to see her, thank you for saying those kind things. I don't just love her now, I enjoy her and I wasn't sure I would ever be able to say that. When I say challenge and she knows it, she knows I tell people, so it's not anything she hasn't heard.

Speaker 2:
[38:16] Yeah.

Speaker 1:
[38:16] She was so difficult as a little girl. I mean, I couldn't homeschool her because I'd say, this is the letter A and she'd say, it's an H. I'm like, no, this is the letter A.

Speaker 2:
[38:26] No wonder they're friends.

Speaker 1:
[38:28] I was going to say, I'm imagining you understand because they find it.

Speaker 2:
[38:32] I understand.

Speaker 1:
[38:33] But Larson?

Speaker 2:
[38:34] I understand.

Speaker 1:
[38:34] Oh, give her to me. I tell Faith, I'm like, baby, this is the friend in your life that I have wanted for you, that loves you and will pray with you and talk about things of the Lord. I feel you 100 percent with the gratitude and friendship that they share. So stay in it, mamas. The hard ones are really the most gifted and anointed. I really, really feel that because they're such an anointing on their lives. Hang in there, be consistent. It's worth it.

Speaker 2:
[39:06] Absolutely. Hey, thank you for doing this with all you guys have cooking. If you'll disclose a prayer, that would be amazing.

Speaker 1:
[39:13] For sure. Lord, we love you. You're so kind and you're so gracious to us. Thank you for the gift of motherhood and these precious blessings that you entrusted us with. Lord, I pray today for just a renewed sense of courage and strength for the moms that are listening. Lord, I thank you that you hand picked these children for us because they were made for us, but we were also made for them. So I thank you for the strengths that you've given us to raise them. We thank you that we can trust you with their lives. And Lord, I just pray for joy in the days ahead and an ability and a willingness to continue to fight for their family. Lord, I pray a blessing that their homes would be unified under Jesus and that they would all be gathered together today, not just today, but in the days ahead, just rejoicing over what you've done for their family and the generations to come. Thank you for the legacy that they are building and the heritage that is being completed through them. We love you and ask all of this in Jesus' name. Amen.

Speaker 2:
[40:16] Amen. Thank you, friend. I hope you enjoyed this episode of Pardon the Mess. As always, we've got more encouragement and resources over at christianparenting.org. And you can also stay connected with us on social media at Pardon the Mess. And if you like this episode, I'd love for you to do two things. Press follow on whatever podcast platform you love, and also be sure to leave a rating so other parents can find us. Remember, you're never alone in this beautiful mess of parenting.