transcript

Speaker 1:
[00:00] Hey, it's Nikki Glaser, and my new stand up special, Good Girl, is coming to Hulu April 24th. Every single woman loves Good Girl. And guys don't wanna say it because they're like, it sounds like I'm her dad. And it's like, exactly, okay, just be my dad. At Starbucks, this girl came up to me and she was like, are you? And I was like, yeah. And she was like, oh, where there's a bandaid in your hair? Don't miss Good Girl on April 24th, streaming on Hulu. Terms apply.

Speaker 2:
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Speaker 3:
[00:46] Best mobile network based on analysis by Oogaloo speed test intelligence data to age 20-25. Bigger network, the combination of T-Mobile's and US Cellular's network footprints will enhance the T-Mobile network's coverage. Price guarantee on talk, text and data. Exclusions like taxes and fees apply. ctmobile.com for details.

Speaker 4:
[01:00] Hey everyone, this is Scott Aukerman and welcome to another Bonus Bang where we are re-releasing great episodes of Comedy Bang Bang out from behind the paywall. Now, this week's Bonus Bang is the latest episode in a series we have started a couple of weeks ago that we are calling A Quickie with Kayla Dickie where we are showcasing episodes featuring Kayla Dickie. You know Kayla. She's the woman who has big eyes for men with big trucks. She's played by frequent CBB guest, Lily Sullivan. Now, this episode is called Tour 2022 Charlotte. What a title. And this was a live CBB episode that was recorded at the Knight Theater in Charlotte back in, of course, 2022. It was originally released in the CBB live show feed over at CBB World on August 18th, 2022.

Speaker 5:
[01:51] And who do we have?

Speaker 4:
[01:52] Okay, first of all, big surprise to us and to the audience. Conan O'Brien stops by for a quick visit at the top of the show. And then the other stars appearing are Paul F. Tompkins. We have him playing Big Chunky Bubbles and Tim Baltz, Lily's husband. We have him playing Skip Dribbles. Then we have Kayla Dickie played by Lily Sullivan and Sawyer Junior played by Drew Tarver. Now, if you enjoy this and you want to hear other great episodes of Comedy Bang Bang, as well as other shows like CBB Presents, Scott Hasn't Seen, The Neighborhood Listen, College Town, become a subscriber at cbbworld.com. We have all of the past episodes from the CBB Archives, every live episode we've ever done, ad-free new episodes, even more original shows. We're going to be back Monday with a new episode of Comedy Bang Bang, but until then, enjoy this Bonus Bang.

Speaker 5:
[03:17] Charlotte, North Carolina, what's up? Wow.

Speaker 4:
[03:27] Wow, hold on one second. Gotta do this, hold on. Here I sit, broken hearted. Tried to shit and my wife burst in and said she wanted to divorce. I'm devastated. Welcome to Comedy Bang Bang. Thank you to Pat Chatham's for that wonderful catchphrase admission. And Charlotte, thank you so much for coming out. Welcome to Comedy Bang Bang Indeed. Incredible crowd, beautiful theater, nice people. The trifecta, as we say in show business. How are you, sir? You're great, I love it. You have a little photographic device, is that true?

Speaker 5:
[04:21] Is it for me? You're going to take nasty pictures of me?

Speaker 4:
[04:24] Please don't point that at me, sir. I'm going to get very nasty, sir. You want to know how nasty I'm going to get tonight. Very, very nasty. This is a nasty show. How many of you have no idea what Comedy Bang Bang is or why you're here?

Speaker 5:
[04:40] Hey, I love it.

Speaker 4:
[04:43] Dragged here by your significant other, I take it. Wonderful. Well, we're going to have a good time tonight. It's essentially a talk show where I have many guests. We have some great guests tonight and we have unscripted and improvisational conversations with them, conversations that have never happened before and will never happen again, as far as I'm concerned. Coming up a little later, we have a motor enthusiast, we have a comedian, we have a TV host, and we have an entertainer. Is that nonspecific enough for you? But before we get to all of this, we have one piece of business we have to get to. And I'm rushing through this, I know, but we have a big show and the people in the balcony are already saying woo, because they know what's about to happen. Even though I am not talking to you, it's time for the balcony report, everyone. If you don't know what's about to happen, hold on to your assholes, because it's the most exciting two minutes in live podcasting. And this is, by the way, just to set some parameters, this is not me talking to the people in the balcony, this is merely me instructing the crowd how many balconies are in each theater. And I am pleased, as Punch, to announce that Charlotte has one balcony!

Speaker 5:
[06:21] I'm not talking to you. All right, well, are you guys ready to start the show?

Speaker 4:
[06:31] No, you're not ready? Did you scream no?

Speaker 3:
[06:37] Sort of.

Speaker 4:
[06:38] Sort of? All right, well, we have a big show, and we have, I wanted to get to our first guest relatively right away, because he does have somewhere he has to get to in a few minutes, but he's in town, he wanted to come out and say hi to the crowd and talk to us for a little bit.

Speaker 5:
[06:52] Please welcome Conan O'Brien!

Speaker 3:
[06:57] Hey!

Speaker 4:
[07:04] How y'all doing?

Speaker 6:
[07:09] Hey!

Speaker 5:
[07:10] Conan O'Brien!

Speaker 6:
[07:17] One balcony?

Speaker 5:
[07:20] What kind of shit is this? Wow, that was very nice.

Speaker 6:
[07:25] Thank you for the introduction.

Speaker 4:
[07:26] Of course, thank you so much for dropping by. What brings you here?

Speaker 6:
[07:29] How dare you intrude? Uh, let me explain.

Speaker 5:
[07:33] I'm sorry, there's a big poster coming up suddenly from...

Speaker 6:
[07:37] You're pulling focus!

Speaker 5:
[07:39] The perfect time to do this. We need more QR codes on this stage.

Speaker 6:
[07:46] I felt panic that I didn't get enough of a hand when I came out, so I signaled more. I bring out a QR code. That will help.

Speaker 5:
[07:53] When people click on this, it says, Applaud More for Conan. Yes.

Speaker 6:
[07:58] Fill that hole for Conan. Don't do that. Don't go there.

Speaker 5:
[08:03] That sounds weird.

Speaker 6:
[08:05] Emotional hole. OK, here's the deal. True story, I'm in town for a special project, shooting a porno. And wait till you see it. It's really nothing to woo about. And anyway, I flew in last night and I'm walking down the street about, I want to say half an hour ago. I want to say that too. Hey, there you go. And people start coming up and saying, you're going to the big show, aren't you? And I said, no, I'm not. And they said, I asked, you know, what is this big show? And they said, you're here. And they told me some of the other people who were here. And I said, those are friends of mine. I want to go say hi to them because I'm in Charlotte and I have no friends here. So I walked to the front of this theater and said, hey, is it okay if I come into the show? True story. Guy says, I'm not sure.

Speaker 5:
[09:09] It's always nice to realize what level of fame you've reached.

Speaker 6:
[09:13] Oh, quite certain I know now. He said, I'm not sure. And then fortunately, a guy like nine people behind him said, I think he should get to come in.

Speaker 5:
[09:25] So you're the ninth guy in Charlotte famous.

Speaker 6:
[09:28] I'm ninth guy in Charlotte famous. And then I got to come in, but it was this close to me not being able to come in.

Speaker 7:
[09:35] So thank god for that ninth guy.

Speaker 5:
[09:37] If you're back there.

Speaker 4:
[09:47] Now Conan, you were telling me something really interesting backstage.

Speaker 5:
[09:49] That was private. Oh, right. No, but I think this was the other thing.

Speaker 6:
[09:53] Oh yeah, the other thing.

Speaker 4:
[09:54] You said to me that Charlotte audiences are the best audiences in the world?

Speaker 6:
[09:57] No!

Speaker 5:
[09:58] You didn't say that.

Speaker 6:
[09:59] I did not say that! Don't get me started on Charlotte. Now, I've been to Asheville. That's the one place I've been to in North Carolina. And I was in Asheville, this is a while ago, a couple years ago, and I was in Asheville for about eight minutes and someone said, you want to go to a really cool speakeasy? No one has said that in America since 1929. The next thing I know, I'm knocking on a door, a little window, a guy with a little mustache. You can have the gin that we just made. It was very cool. I loved Asheville, but I do love it here. This is very nice.

Speaker 4:
[10:37] Are there speakeasies here that anyone can invite Conan to?

Speaker 6:
[10:41] Well, if you consider Fridays a speakeasy, then yes, a really cool hipster Friday is.

Speaker 4:
[10:50] Got to wait another 24 hours to go there.

Speaker 5:
[10:52] It's unfortunate.

Speaker 4:
[10:54] Only open one day a week from what I hear. Now, is there anything you want to tell the audience here? I know you have words of wisdom for, you come-

Speaker 6:
[11:04] Thank you.

Speaker 5:
[11:04] Yes.

Speaker 6:
[11:08] I've been on this earth a while, kids, and I can tell your kids. I'm leaving here, and I have to leave. I have a hard out because at exactly 7.30, which is six minutes from now, I have to be in my hotel room to get a physical for the project that I'm shooting tomorrow. Hold on. I have to get a physical because I'm at that age where they're pretty sure I'm going to die. P4 tomorrow, and I was shocked to find that out, and I said, no problem. I'll be there at 7.30 for the physical. And then I found you guys, and I would much rather be here. I've been trying to contact the doctor on my phone to see if he would come give me the physical here. So far, I'm not getting a response. But let's, if it doesn't work out, you just missed me getting a rectal probe in North Carolina, which is I think a first.

Speaker 4:
[12:17] I believe so.

Speaker 6:
[12:19] For me, it's a third, but for you guys, it's a first.

Speaker 4:
[12:23] If the doctor, you do meet up with the doctor and you decide to come out, please interrupt the show.

Speaker 6:
[12:28] No, this meeting is happening a couple of blocks from here. I'll already be late, and then it'll be even some doctor from Charlotte who's got major attitude because I'm late. I'll say I was in front of an incredible crowd. That comes first. You and my imminent death comes second. But I did want to say quickly that it is incredibly gracious. I just came by to say hello. You're a very nice and hilarious man. Thank you, Conan. Mr. Aukerman is, I have so many people that have worked with him and that he has taken care of over the years. He's a lovely guy and a trailblazer. For him to invite me on his stage is a big deal. So thank you very much.

Speaker 5:
[13:15] Thank you. Conan O'Brien, everyone. Take a bow, Conan.

Speaker 4:
[13:37] Was I supposed to say something back? Don't worry about it. Wow, that was a treat, Conan O'Brien. Amazing.

Speaker 5:
[13:50] Thank you. Wow.

Speaker 4:
[13:56] Well, Charlotte, you're getting quite a show tonight, because who else could follow Conan O'Brien but our next guest?

Speaker 5:
[14:07] He is a Children's Party entertainer. Please welcome Big Chunky Bubbles. I always forget.

Speaker 8:
[14:34] Oh, you do, do you? This is what I sound like. It's the voice I was given at birth.

Speaker 5:
[14:43] It was given to you?

Speaker 8:
[14:44] Yep.

Speaker 4:
[14:45] You got to choose.

Speaker 8:
[14:46] No. Oh. You don't get to choose everything that's given to you, do you?

Speaker 4:
[14:52] I guess not, you're right. If you could choose your Christmas gifts, would you?

Speaker 8:
[14:56] Yeah. Why wouldn't I?

Speaker 4:
[15:00] What did you get for Christmas last year, if you don't mind me asking?

Speaker 8:
[15:03] Well, you know my kids.

Speaker 4:
[15:05] Oh, yeah. Who are they?

Speaker 8:
[15:06] Robbie, Bobby and Tag. They all chipped in and got me one golf club.

Speaker 5:
[15:18] How much are golf clubs these days?

Speaker 8:
[15:19] I don't know and I don't care. I don't play golf. They know I don't play golf.

Speaker 4:
[15:26] Maybe they want to get you out of the house on Saturdays and Sundays.

Speaker 8:
[15:29] I bet they do.

Speaker 4:
[15:32] I would imagine that golf days are prime children's entertaining days. Days in... Am I making sense?

Speaker 8:
[15:47] I guess. I've never heard it referred to that way. What's the day for you? A golf day or a children's entertainment day? Oh, I'll probably do both. I'll double dip.

Speaker 4:
[16:00] Get nine holes in?

Speaker 8:
[16:01] Get nine holes in, then go watch A Magician. Maybe Elmo will stop by either place.

Speaker 7:
[16:12] Oh, Elmo golfing.

Speaker 4:
[16:13] I would love to see that.

Speaker 8:
[16:14] Why? No answer, huh? What are you doing?

Speaker 4:
[16:24] There was a little hair flying in the air.

Speaker 8:
[16:26] Leave it alone.

Speaker 4:
[16:31] I wanted to get it out of your way. I want an unobstructed view of BCB.

Speaker 8:
[16:34] Thanks.

Speaker 4:
[16:40] So, Big Chunky Bubbles, for those of you like our friend over here who was dragged here, who...

Speaker 8:
[16:45] Hi. You got dragged here, huh? What?

Speaker 5:
[16:51] Kicking and screaming, she says.

Speaker 8:
[16:52] Kicking and screaming. Sure. How much fun are you having so far? Conan was great. Oh.

Speaker 5:
[17:03] She said Conan was great.

Speaker 8:
[17:04] He was great.

Speaker 4:
[17:08] And not to criticize you, BCB, or Big Chunky Bubbles.

Speaker 8:
[17:11] But here it comes.

Speaker 4:
[17:13] But your energy is just... It's like siphoning all of the energy from the crowd.

Speaker 5:
[17:19] What?

Speaker 8:
[17:22] I thought the show was escalating nicely. First you, yawn, then a celebrity, and then an artist. If you don't know who I am, my stage name is Big Chunky Bubbles, and I make bubbles out of soups, stews and chowders. Finally, people are applauding.

Speaker 5:
[17:57] And you do this primarily for children.

Speaker 8:
[18:00] Primarily, yes.

Speaker 4:
[18:02] Parents in tow, usually, though. Sometimes they drop the kids off at a party, and then they...

Speaker 8:
[18:07] There's at least one parent there. It's not like Lord of the Flies. I go to some island, entertain a bunch of children who rule themselves.

Speaker 4:
[18:19] I don't think I was suggesting that it was, Big Chunky Bubbles.

Speaker 8:
[18:22] Well, just making sure.

Speaker 4:
[18:24] I think my point is that there are usually more children than parents. Even though a child, if they're lucky, has two parents, and they would normally outnumber the children, they get dropped off, is, I think, my thought process going into this.

Speaker 8:
[18:37] Well, your thought process is faulty, because let me tell you, it's not always fortunate to have two parents. You can get two duds.

Speaker 4:
[18:46] Is that what happened to you?

Speaker 8:
[18:48] Yeah.

Speaker 5:
[18:49] Oh, Big Chunky Bubbles.

Speaker 4:
[18:51] I don't think we've ever talked about your parents.

Speaker 8:
[18:53] No, we haven't.

Speaker 4:
[18:54] Let's talk about, your Christian name is?

Speaker 8:
[18:57] Petey.

Speaker 4:
[18:59] Petey what?

Speaker 8:
[19:01] Petey Amine.

Speaker 4:
[19:13] So your parents were the Amines?

Speaker 8:
[19:15] Yeah. Darren and, Darren and Beatrice Amine.

Speaker 4:
[19:24] Sound like a lovely couple. What was wrong?

Speaker 8:
[19:26] Well, you, they hated each other and everyone else. They stayed together for the kids, i.e. me. Don't do me any favors is what I say to Darren and Beatrice Amine.

Speaker 5:
[19:43] Are they still with us?

Speaker 8:
[19:45] No, thankfully, they're dead.

Speaker 4:
[19:52] I have to ask, because your wife, didn't she perish in a soup-related accident?

Speaker 8:
[20:01] Yes. She'd perish in a soup-related accident.

Speaker 4:
[20:06] We've talked about this in previous shows.

Speaker 8:
[20:08] Yeah.

Speaker 4:
[20:09] And the soup was concocted and distributed by you.

Speaker 8:
[20:14] Distributed? I don't sell soup.

Speaker 5:
[20:18] I guess distributed it all over her.

Speaker 8:
[20:20] I was, come on. It's my dead wife you're talking about. I was showing her my latest bubble trick, and she got too close to the tureens, and the trick was so good, but she was too close.

Speaker 4:
[20:37] She even got to see the trick?

Speaker 8:
[20:38] She got to see it a little too close. It's the last thing she saw before she died.

Speaker 4:
[20:44] Well, maybe it was such a good trick that it's a happy memory for her up in...

Speaker 8:
[20:48] I don't know. She was scalded to death by soup.

Speaker 4:
[20:54] But I guess my question is, how did your parents...

Speaker 8:
[20:58] How did they die?

Speaker 4:
[20:59] Yeah.

Speaker 8:
[21:00] First of all, a little too late for my liking. Dad went first. He was shot in the face.

Speaker 5:
[21:16] What? I'm sorry. I don't mean to laugh.

Speaker 8:
[21:22] And yet you are. But it's okay. It's pretty funny. He was a bad guy.

Speaker 4:
[21:30] Was this outside of movie theater or?

Speaker 8:
[21:40] I feel like you're conflating me with Batman. I get it. It happens.

Speaker 4:
[21:46] More with that other guy, Bruce Wayne.

Speaker 8:
[21:50] Sure. I got a secret for you later on. Okay.

Speaker 4:
[21:55] Every Batman movie I've seen, it always starts with this terrible little story about a little boy whose parents get shot. I walk out immediately.

Speaker 8:
[22:04] But you like Batman.

Speaker 4:
[22:06] I wish it would get to him earlier.

Speaker 8:
[22:07] Right.

Speaker 5:
[22:09] Right.

Speaker 4:
[22:09] It reminds me of when my mom saw the movie Flight, Denzel Washington, about the alcoholic pilot. And I said, how'd you like the movie?

Speaker 5:
[22:17] And she said, I hated it.

Speaker 4:
[22:19] I said, well, why? She's like, all the drinking, all the, you know, terrible life choices he made. And I said, well, at the very end of it, he finds God and turns his life around. She says, he couldn't have done that in the first five minutes. Like, that's a good movie to her. A guy who does that in the first five minutes and then just has an uneventful life.

Speaker 8:
[22:43] Now I see where you get it. Get what? These weird things you say, strange concepts, bizarre premises.

Speaker 4:
[22:57] So, he was shot in the face, did you?

Speaker 8:
[22:59] Yeah, right in the nose.

Speaker 4:
[23:09] Was this provoked by him, or?

Speaker 8:
[23:11] Of course it was. He provoked people all the time. He was the kind of guy that would walk down the street whistling at women. He would kick a cat. He would take an apple off a fruit cart and just throw it down the sewer grate.

Speaker 4:
[23:31] Without paying for it?

Speaker 5:
[23:32] Or would he go back and say, Oh, hey, sorry.

Speaker 8:
[23:34] No, he never paid for anything in his life.

Speaker 5:
[23:37] He never paid for anything.

Speaker 4:
[23:39] Did your mom work? Is that?

Speaker 8:
[23:41] Yeah.

Speaker 4:
[23:42] What did she do for a living?

Speaker 8:
[23:46] This is embarrassing to say. I guess you're going to make me say it.

Speaker 4:
[23:53] Yeah, please. I mean, total honesty here on Comedy Bang Bang.

Speaker 8:
[23:56] You can imagine growing up as a child, this was an embarrassing job for your mom to have. She was hired to sweep up all the stuff leftover after hot dogs are made. She was the second sweeper. The first sweeper goes through, collects all the stuff that goes into the hot dog. Then the second sweeper collects anything that's not good enough to go into a hot dog.

Speaker 4:
[24:40] So it seems like the first sweeper has the hard job because they're picking and choosing what, and sweeping around the-

Speaker 8:
[24:47] No, they just sweep everything up.

Speaker 4:
[24:48] Okay.

Speaker 8:
[24:49] Then somebody else-

Speaker 4:
[24:50] Someone else has to go through it.

Speaker 8:
[24:51] Yeah, the picker. The picker goes through and says, Hot dog, not hot dog, hot dog, not hot dog.

Speaker 5:
[24:58] And then the picker throws it on the ground.

Speaker 8:
[25:00] It goes back on the ground. That's why-

Speaker 5:
[25:02] And then they hire someone else to sweep it up. Yes, the second sweeper.

Speaker 8:
[25:06] You don't know anything about hot dogs.

Speaker 4:
[25:11] And what's so bad it can't go in a hot dog?

Speaker 8:
[25:14] You sure you want to know?

Speaker 5:
[25:16] I think so.

Speaker 8:
[25:18] Human fingernails.

Speaker 4:
[25:21] So other types of fingernails do go in the hot dogs?

Speaker 8:
[25:24] Yeah. Like a pig hoof, that can go in there. A snail.

Speaker 5:
[25:31] A whole pig hoof?

Speaker 8:
[25:32] Yeah, but they grind it up. What, you think you bite it into a hot dog and then, uh-oh. There's a pig hoof in here. So you can imagine being the son of a second sweeper at the hot dog factory was humiliating.

Speaker 4:
[25:49] I'm so sorry. Can you eat hot dogs now, or do they bring back terrible memories?

Speaker 8:
[25:54] They bring back all kinds of terrible things. Hot dogs are bad.

Speaker 4:
[26:00] But we love them, don't we, as Americans?

Speaker 8:
[26:02] Not me. Forget it. I'd rather eat a nice dry turkey sandwich.

Speaker 4:
[26:10] That's your favorite meal, a dry turkey sandwich?

Speaker 8:
[26:13] A dry turkey sandwich on wheat bread.

Speaker 5:
[26:16] Oh, God. Big Chunky Bubbles.

Speaker 9:
[26:20] I love it.

Speaker 5:
[26:22] I don't care.

Speaker 8:
[26:25] I'd bet I'd go on a pop by the festival.

Speaker 5:
[26:31] I just...

Speaker 4:
[26:33] everything you like is so just horrible and nasty.

Speaker 8:
[26:37] Well, I guess you should be glad I don't like you.

Speaker 5:
[26:41] Yeah, I am.

Speaker 4:
[26:45] You know you're my least favorite guest.

Speaker 8:
[26:46] Oh, I know. You know, you're my least favorite host in all of history.

Speaker 4:
[26:53] I bet you wish Conan stayed out here instead of me.

Speaker 8:
[26:55] No. He's number two with a bullet. Because his hair is hot dog colored. Oh, yeah.

Speaker 4:
[27:09] If you're lucky.

Speaker 8:
[27:11] What? Is that from a song?

Speaker 4:
[27:18] So I'm so sorry about your parents. How did your mother die?

Speaker 8:
[27:25] She was electrocuted in prison.

Speaker 5:
[27:38] Was she visiting? Was she an inmate?

Speaker 8:
[27:44] I'd love to say she was just visiting and then somehow got electrocuted.

Speaker 4:
[27:51] Maybe it got too close to the person who was dying on the electric chair or...

Speaker 8:
[27:55] How do you think? How would that happen? How are they letting people in, getting that close to a person strapped into the electric chair?

Speaker 5:
[28:05] In this hypothetical?

Speaker 8:
[28:06] Yeah!

Speaker 4:
[28:09] How did she... She was an inmate, really?

Speaker 8:
[28:11] Yeah, she was sentenced to death and boy, they carried out on that sentence.

Speaker 5:
[28:16] She was sentenced to death?

Speaker 8:
[28:18] Yeah!

Speaker 4:
[28:19] For what crime?

Speaker 8:
[28:20] She shot my dad! I can't believe you didn't put that together.

Speaker 5:
[28:34] I can't believe you did.

Speaker 8:
[28:38] I knew the whole time.

Speaker 5:
[28:45] Well, that's fantastic.

Speaker 8:
[28:46] What?

Speaker 5:
[28:47] I mean, you are glad.

Speaker 8:
[28:49] What a root, I mean, I am, but it's still. That's for me to say.

Speaker 5:
[28:52] I'm sorry.

Speaker 8:
[28:53] There's one thing when I say it.

Speaker 4:
[28:56] Don't get testy with me. Stop pointing your head at me.

Speaker 8:
[29:01] I'm just looking at you.

Speaker 4:
[29:03] What do you see?

Speaker 8:
[29:05] Do you really want to know? I don't. A vain Popinjay.

Speaker 4:
[29:11] Big Chunky Bubbles. God damn it. So what brings you to Charlotte, North Carolina? What is going on in Big Chunky Bubbles land?

Speaker 8:
[29:22] Wait. Who told you about that?

Speaker 4:
[29:24] What?

Speaker 8:
[29:26] That's why I'm here.

Speaker 4:
[29:27] What?

Speaker 8:
[29:29] I'm scouting locations for my theme park.

Speaker 4:
[29:38] You're starting a theme park.

Speaker 8:
[29:39] Yeah.

Speaker 4:
[29:41] You're not even popular.

Speaker 8:
[29:42] Huh? Come on. This is how I'll get popular. You think anybody gave a goddamn about Mickey Mouse?

Speaker 4:
[29:51] That's a good point.

Speaker 8:
[29:53] Oh, who's your favorite cartoon character? The guy that drives the boat, I guess?

Speaker 5:
[29:58] Whistles occasionally.

Speaker 8:
[29:59] I like that mouse that has a Caucasian face.

Speaker 4:
[30:12] So what is...

Speaker 8:
[30:13] That's weird, isn't it?

Speaker 5:
[30:15] Yeah.

Speaker 8:
[30:16] We don't talk about it enough. Why does he have Caucasian skin color? He's a mouse.

Speaker 4:
[30:26] Are there different colored mice out there?

Speaker 8:
[30:29] Yeah, they're fur, sure.

Speaker 4:
[30:32] But he's got furry ears and then just a skin...

Speaker 8:
[30:35] A white man's face. Same for Goofy, kind of. He just got a snout.

Speaker 4:
[30:46] I'm trying to remember what he looks like. I always saw it from the inside.

Speaker 8:
[30:54] I don't know what that means, and I don't care to.

Speaker 4:
[30:59] So Big Chunky Bubbles land?

Speaker 8:
[31:01] Big Chunky Bubbles land.

Speaker 4:
[31:03] What are some of the attractions that are going to be there? What do you envision? What is your vision for this?

Speaker 8:
[31:08] What isn't going to be there? You get to ride in a soup can, like a merry-go-round kind.

Speaker 4:
[31:15] Like an oversized?

Speaker 8:
[31:17] Yeah, no, no. No, regular size.

Speaker 4:
[31:21] You don't have shrinking down technology.

Speaker 8:
[31:22] You get to stick free toes in there. Of course oversized. And it's like the cups, you know?

Speaker 4:
[31:29] Tea cups.

Speaker 8:
[31:30] The tea cups. But it's a soup can.

Speaker 4:
[31:32] Okay.

Speaker 8:
[31:34] Then you get to ride a soup can that goes up and down steep peaks.

Speaker 4:
[31:40] So you've said two attractions at this point, and both involve soup cans.

Speaker 8:
[31:44] So, wait till you hear this. You also can purchase your own ladle at the entrance, and you can go around and have any soup from any of the soup barrels.

Speaker 4:
[32:02] Soup barrels?

Speaker 8:
[32:02] Yeah, you just dip it in there, and you're waiting for the next ride. Blow on it, those soups are piping hot. Do you have a ladle full of, you know, chicken and stars or whatever? Then get on a roller coaster. Yeah, is it shaped like a soup can?

Speaker 4:
[32:22] The track or the car?

Speaker 8:
[32:24] What do you think?

Speaker 4:
[32:27] It'd be cool if the track were shaped like a soup can.

Speaker 8:
[32:29] And how would that go?

Speaker 4:
[32:31] Well, it's a cylinder, is it not?

Speaker 8:
[32:34] The soup can? Yeah.

Speaker 4:
[32:35] So just like going, wee, wee, wee, all the way down.

Speaker 8:
[32:40] So what? You climb up to the top.

Speaker 4:
[32:42] Climb up?

Speaker 8:
[32:48] I can't picture this roller coaster you're talking about with a soup can shaped track.

Speaker 4:
[32:54] How about take an elevator up?

Speaker 8:
[32:57] Well, you got me. So you take an elevator up, you get in a, what, a regular roller coaster car? Sure. And it's one long soup can, the track?

Speaker 4:
[33:07] Yeah, it's a circular, it's like a coil. But there's a...

Speaker 8:
[33:11] How can you tell it's a soup can?

Speaker 4:
[33:13] Well, because the outside is covered with a soup can.

Speaker 8:
[33:17] One long label?

Speaker 4:
[33:19] Yeah.

Speaker 8:
[33:21] The proportions are all off. You'd never be able to tell what it's supposed to be. You're making me angry.

Speaker 4:
[33:29] There are no bad ideas, Big Chunky Bubbles.

Speaker 8:
[33:31] This is one of them.

Speaker 4:
[33:35] Are there flume rides where you're traveling throughout soup?

Speaker 8:
[33:39] Yes. There's two soup rides where you're involved directly with soup. One is a classic flume. You get in the log, it's shaped like a wooden soup can.

Speaker 4:
[33:54] Are there wooden soup cans?

Speaker 8:
[33:56] At this park, there are. You ride down a little chute of gazpacho. Yeah, I thought ahead, nobody's going to get burned. Your clothes will be ruined though. Then the other one is you take a soup marine ride.

Speaker 4:
[34:16] Okay. So this is like a submarine ride.

Speaker 8:
[34:21] Yes.

Speaker 4:
[34:22] But instead of there being fish and stuff like that.

Speaker 8:
[34:25] Right.

Speaker 4:
[34:34] You see the ingredients of the soup.

Speaker 8:
[34:37] You're getting it.

Speaker 5:
[34:41] So the alphabets and the meatballs.

Speaker 8:
[34:44] Yeah, chopped vegetables, some noodles.

Speaker 4:
[34:52] Some noodles?

Speaker 8:
[34:53] Some noodles. Every ride features some noodles.

Speaker 4:
[35:02] So, I mean, this sounds...

Speaker 8:
[35:04] Great.

Speaker 4:
[35:06] Sounds like a big undertaking is what I was going to say.

Speaker 8:
[35:08] It is.

Speaker 5:
[35:09] Do you have backing?

Speaker 4:
[35:10] Do you have financial backing? Do you have...

Speaker 8:
[35:12] That's what I hope to find here in North Carolina.

Speaker 5:
[35:16] Really?

Speaker 8:
[35:16] Yeah. What? Some people are interested in investing in Big Chunky Bubbles land. That's about 30 people, and all I need is for each of those 30 people to just give me one million dollars.

Speaker 4:
[35:39] Or you could find one guy who gives you 30 million. Conan?

Speaker 5:
[35:43] Someone says...

Speaker 8:
[35:45] Is he still here?

Speaker 5:
[35:47] I don't think so.

Speaker 4:
[35:48] I think he's getting that physical.

Speaker 8:
[35:49] I could make him a mascot.

Speaker 4:
[35:51] Like, in the costumes?

Speaker 8:
[35:52] Yeah. It would be a costume of him.

Speaker 4:
[35:56] With a tinier person inside?

Speaker 8:
[35:59] No, it would be him. It would be a massive costume. And then like an exoskeleton kind of, and he'd walk around inside it and nobody would know it was him.

Speaker 5:
[36:07] I don't think he's interested then.

Speaker 8:
[36:09] It's like Comic Con, when those big celebrities go and they wear a mask and you don't know it's them.

Speaker 4:
[36:13] Yeah, that would be thrilling for him.

Speaker 8:
[36:15] Thrilling.

Speaker 4:
[36:21] So you, you, I mean, look, we've talked about this before. You're, I didn't want to introduce you as a failed children's entertainer.

Speaker 8:
[36:29] Uh, thanks.

Speaker 4:
[36:31] But.

Speaker 8:
[36:32] What a gracious host. You do not do that, but then tell me you thought about it.

Speaker 4:
[36:37] But, but you are, you're, you're not, I mean, you're out there and things are not going well for you.

Speaker 8:
[36:42] Can I ask you a question?

Speaker 4:
[36:44] Sure.

Speaker 8:
[36:45] What do you know about the entertainment business?

Speaker 4:
[36:48] I mean, we have roughly 300 people in this theater.

Speaker 8:
[36:52] Yeah, I'm one of them.

Speaker 4:
[36:55] You didn't pay to get in.

Speaker 8:
[36:56] That's right. Now who's a failed entertainer?

Speaker 4:
[37:02] I guess you're right. But, but what I mean to connect that to is, I don't know that there is demand that can meet your supply.

Speaker 8:
[37:14] I'll explain this to you as simply as I can. The theme park will make the demand.

Speaker 4:
[37:26] Right. So you're hoping...

Speaker 8:
[37:27] Right. You agree.

Speaker 4:
[37:28] I don't agree.

Speaker 8:
[37:30] It sounded like you said right to me.

Speaker 4:
[37:31] I said right as in, I understand what you're trying to say.

Speaker 8:
[37:34] Well, then you should have said that.

Speaker 4:
[37:37] I just, a lot of what you've described sounds like, oh, that would be charming if I knew the individual that it was based upon, but...

Speaker 8:
[37:45] Are you serious? You're saying if you didn't know who I was and you heard about a soup-themed amusement park, you wouldn't be a little bit curious?

Speaker 4:
[37:59] I mean, I guess I'd be a little bit curious if I...

Speaker 8:
[38:00] And somebody says you get your own ladle and you can walk around and scoop up as much soup as you want any time you want.

Speaker 4:
[38:07] The community soup.

Speaker 8:
[38:09] And you get to feel like you're in a bowl of soup. All the wonders that can be seen if only we could sink below the surface of the soup. This is a song that plays. How wonderful to see a potato, a carrot, a leek or two.

Speaker 4:
[38:59] I would suggest maybe chopping off the last 15 seconds or so.

Speaker 8:
[39:02] The ride is longer than 15 seconds.

Speaker 4:
[39:04] Oh, really?

Speaker 8:
[39:06] That would be a real ripoff. 15 second ride, when you're just getting used to the Supermarine.

Speaker 4:
[39:12] How long is it?

Speaker 8:
[39:14] It's 90 minutes. Well, the first 20 minutes, four that I told you about.

Speaker 4:
[39:22] How many do you actually have?

Speaker 8:
[39:23] Five.

Speaker 4:
[39:24] Which one are you keeping in reserve?

Speaker 8:
[39:29] There's one where you get to see all the countries of the world and what kind of soup they eat.

Speaker 4:
[39:37] Is that interesting?

Speaker 8:
[39:43] If you have to ask.

Speaker 4:
[39:46] I mean, it's what? Like United States, all of them.

Speaker 8:
[39:53] It's what soups people are known for.

Speaker 4:
[39:56] Oh, okay. The ones they've invented.

Speaker 8:
[39:58] Yeah.

Speaker 4:
[39:59] Okay.

Speaker 6:
[40:01] Like what?

Speaker 8:
[40:03] Italy, wedding soup. Spain, gazpacho. Mexico, tortilla soup. France, French onion soup.

Speaker 5:
[40:23] Is that from there?

Speaker 8:
[40:24] Brazil, Brazilian onion soup.

Speaker 5:
[40:27] Okay, now you're just cheating.

Speaker 4:
[40:30] But I have to say, Big Chunky Bubbles, you have a really good singing voice.

Speaker 8:
[40:35] Really? Thank you.

Speaker 4:
[40:36] Why don't you talk like that?

Speaker 8:
[40:38] Talk like? What do you mean?

Speaker 4:
[40:41] I mean, it was so less annoying than your normal voice that we have to sit and endure every time we talk to you.

Speaker 8:
[40:49] I don't recall you saying that to Conan.

Speaker 4:
[40:58] Have you taken singing lessons?

Speaker 8:
[40:59] No, it's just a natural gift I have. Everybody loves to hear a song.

Speaker 4:
[41:10] What song is that?

Speaker 8:
[41:12] That's called Everybody Loves to Hear a Song. My dad wrote it. He was an amateur songwriter.

Speaker 4:
[41:19] Never win pro?

Speaker 8:
[41:21] Never. Nobody liked his songs because at the end, every song ended with, fuck you, Jack. It said in parentheses, this is to the reader. So when you'd see it on the sheet music, you'd be insulted. So never went past the stage where he gave it to the publishers.

Speaker 6:
[41:41] Why would he do that?

Speaker 8:
[41:42] He was a bad guy.

Speaker 5:
[41:48] So every song, did he sing it?

Speaker 4:
[41:50] Oh no, he just would write the songs.

Speaker 8:
[41:52] He would write the songs.

Speaker 4:
[41:53] No demonstration tapes.

Speaker 8:
[41:54] No, he would take it to the music publisher and he'd say, I got a great song for you. Maybe Billy Squire can sing this.

Speaker 4:
[42:03] Or maybe Bachman Turner Overdrive.

Speaker 8:
[42:05] Yeah, you gotta update your references. So then the publisher, he would say, and I'm gonna watch you read it. Just let me watch you read it. I'll be out of your hair. And they go, OK, kid. And then they'd read it. And then at the end, it would say to the reader, fuck you, Jack. And then the publisher would look over at my dad. My dad would already be doing this. Just nodding and smiling. No wonder he got shot in the nose.

Speaker 4:
[42:38] Do you mind saying what the offense was that finally pushed your mother over the edge?

Speaker 8:
[42:46] He embarrassed her at the hot dog factory.

Speaker 4:
[42:50] Oh, no. What's he doing there?

Speaker 8:
[42:53] He had a girl on the side.

Speaker 5:
[42:56] Really?

Speaker 8:
[42:56] The first sweeper.

Speaker 5:
[43:00] This is scandalous.

Speaker 8:
[43:02] It's as big a scandal in the hot dog world as there is.

Speaker 4:
[43:10] So how did he embarrass her then?

Speaker 8:
[43:13] He walked in to the hot dog factory floor, where the first sweeper had just dropped off the sweepings. And the picker was in the process of eliminating the non-hot dog eligible items and throwing them on the floor. Then the first sweeper turned around and saw him and said, Oh, hello, mister. It's nice to meet you. And he said, What do you mean? We've been fucking for months. Then he looks at my mom and says, I've been fucking her for months. And she was furious. And he said, What are you going to do? Shoot me in the nose? I don't know if she would have done that otherwise.

Speaker 5:
[44:10] I think you're right. He's better off dead.

Speaker 8:
[44:11] Yeah.

Speaker 4:
[44:12] Just sounds like a coarse individual.

Speaker 8:
[44:14] He was not as polished a gentleman as I try to be.

Speaker 4:
[44:20] Well, we love having you here, Big Chunky Bubbles.

Speaker 8:
[44:21] Do you?

Speaker 4:
[44:22] No. You're such a pill. You're just so like...

Speaker 8:
[44:29] Really? But I wrote a song for you.

Speaker 4:
[44:31] You wrote a song for me?

Speaker 8:
[44:32] Yeah.

Speaker 5:
[44:34] I'd love to hear it. That's so touching.

Speaker 4:
[44:36] I don't think a guest has ever written a song for me.

Speaker 8:
[44:39] It's a thank you for all the times you've had me on the show.

Speaker 4:
[44:42] Oh my God.

Speaker 8:
[44:43] That's...

Speaker 4:
[44:44] I can't believe it. I'm so touched.

Speaker 8:
[44:46] It goes like this.

Speaker 5:
[45:16] Oh, you got me. Big Junkie Bubbles, everyone.

Speaker 4:
[45:32] I'm disappointed in you. I did not expect that at all.

Speaker 8:
[45:37] Good.

Speaker 1:
[45:44] Hey, it's Nikki Glaser, and my new stand up special, Good Girl, is coming to Hulu April 24th. Every single woman loves Good Girl. And guys don't want to say it because they're like, it sounds like I'm her dad. And it's like, exactly. Okay, just be my dad. At Starbucks, this girl came up to me and she was like, are you? And I was like, yeah. And she was like, aware there's a band-aid in your hair? Don't miss Good Girl on April 24th, streaming on Hulu. Terms apply.

Speaker 4:
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Speaker 8:
[49:18] What? Really?

Speaker 4:
[49:19] You're an entertainer. They are an entertainer. They perform primarily, I believe, for adults, but and are perhaps more successful than you.

Speaker 8:
[49:29] Perhaps.

Speaker 4:
[49:30] We'll see. But he's been on the show once before.

Speaker 8:
[49:36] Before?

Speaker 4:
[49:37] Before. See, this is what I mean, Big Chunky Bubbles.

Speaker 8:
[49:40] What?

Speaker 4:
[49:47] He was on the show once before.

Speaker 5:
[49:49] I see it again.

Speaker 4:
[49:57] Now it's in my head, I don't think I can't say it.

Speaker 8:
[50:00] Before.

Speaker 4:
[50:03] Before.

Speaker 8:
[50:04] Oh no. This is your life now.

Speaker 4:
[50:10] He is the basketball comedian.

Speaker 5:
[50:12] Please welcome Skip Dribbles.

Speaker 7:
[50:20] What's going on, Charlotte? Wow, what a house, what a balcony. My goodness gracious. Scott, I haven't seen you since the before times. Pre-pandemic, that's a COVID-19 joke. Boy, if I scored 19 points at a basketball game, I'd be feeling pretty good about myself. Unless we lost the game, that'd be like taking an L. Anyway, I'm an alcoholic. How are you guys doing tonight? Let's start out with some crowd work. All right, shut up, I have a hangover. A little context for those of you that don't know me. I'm a basketball comedian. I've been a standup for a long time. You know, when I was coming up, everyone was on trend. You always want to be doing the right trend, right? Standups about like knowing what the trend is, being hot, staying current. So I was always like, you know, I'm a terrible person. I'm a chronic masturbator, a degenerate alcoholic. Why aren't you laughing at me? Well, you know, that started to get a little stale. So I decided, you know, what's, what's something that I love? Why don't I incorporate that into my act? So, so I was like, well, I love nothing more than the pure game of basketball. So I started injecting that into my act and wasn't that fun. Yeah, it was. You know, so my act would go a little something like this. You know, it'd be like me and my crush were eating breakfast after a night of passionate lovemaking. When some of the scrambled eggs that I'd made for them dribbled down my chin and onto my shirt, I call that a double dribble. Anyway, I'm still an alcoholic. But you know, Scott, Big Chunky Bubbles, every... You always gotta be looking for the next new thing. So, you know, my act started to get stale. And that was, you know, that was a tough pill to swallow. A pill as big as a basketball. It wouldn't fit into my mouth. Because of my pride and my alcoholism. Anyway, I'm still an alcoholic. So... So, you know, I shifted to the next trend. So for a while, you know, I did man on the street stuff. I chased people around and screamed about puke or piss and shit. It was great. You know, it was like punk for people that never leave Bushwick. And then that went out of style, thankfully. Anyway, I'm an alcoholic. Don't worry. You can keep laughing. And then the next thing, I got to do some... I got to do some cord work with my mic here. Ever since microphones went cordless, I feel naked up here. As naked as James Worthy after they won one of his five championships with LA Lakers. You shouldn't have laughed at that. He only won four. Anyway, so then I transitioned to finding a vulnerable demographic within our country and punching down on them to excite the reactionary fan base. I'd use flawed logical fallacies as my setups and then feel vindicated when my punchline, Drew, laughs. That was great. And I'd laugh at myself. I'd laugh at my own jokes. You ever try stand up, laugh at your own jokes and then smack your thigh with the microphone. That's good stand up right there. But you know, all that grew stale. And I started to think, I don't like these trends. I want to go back to basketball comedy. And I'm not going back on Comedy Bang Bang until I perfect my act again. So here I am. You've heard most of it already. I got my notes here, like a good stand up.

Speaker 4:
[54:12] I don't want to interrupt, was that it?

Speaker 7:
[54:16] Yeah, now I'm feeling a little loose. Now I want to get playful, you know? Oh, okay. I want to get playful, like, you know when Michael Jordan says, that's so choo-gee?

Speaker 4:
[54:27] Did he? He didn't coin that term.

Speaker 7:
[54:29] He did coin that, yeah, he coin that term.

Speaker 4:
[54:31] I don't think so.

Speaker 7:
[54:32] He's intergenerational.

Speaker 8:
[54:37] You're telling me you've never heard Michael Jordan say, that's so choo-gee?

Speaker 4:
[54:43] I've heard him say, fuck those kids, but...

Speaker 5:
[54:48] Oh, now you're sitting?

Speaker 7:
[54:51] Yeah, now it's time for the story-telling portion. Story-telling is a big thing at stand-up these days, right? Oh, what are these? Is this musical chairs?

Speaker 5:
[55:00] No, no, sit back, sit back.

Speaker 7:
[55:02] Oh, give me the space. Is this, uh, we're doing a Clint Eastwood thing? Like, this is Obama sitting here? Anyway, I'm a terrible alcoholic. Move further up?

Speaker 4:
[55:15] Yeah, further, in a semi-circle. Oh, yeah, there we go.

Speaker 7:
[55:19] Kick my water bottle.

Speaker 8:
[55:21] Yeah, check it.

Speaker 4:
[55:22] So you're, so, Skip, your act is describing how your act used to be?

Speaker 7:
[55:29] Yeah, that's the first, yeah, that's the first Netflix special. So there's part one. Did I say Netflix?

Speaker 4:
[55:35] You might have, but I'm not a Big Chunky Bubbles is gonna jump on that.

Speaker 8:
[55:40] No, I didn't catch it.

Speaker 7:
[55:43] Well, like I was saying before, so, part one of my Netflix special, you know, they're losing money, they had to drop the L. That's all storytelling. And then I get into bashing vulnerable demographics in part two. Do you guys know what I'm talking about?

Speaker 8:
[56:08] Yeah.

Speaker 7:
[56:13] Well, any questions for me?

Speaker 4:
[56:18] I bet you're probably, I just didn't know that if you were done.

Speaker 7:
[56:21] No, no, it's fine, it's fine. Yeah.

Speaker 4:
[56:23] You told one basketball joke, is that right, or?

Speaker 7:
[56:27] I mean, honestly, anytime you refer to anything from the game of basketball, that counts as a joke.

Speaker 4:
[56:32] Oh, I see.

Speaker 7:
[56:32] You know what I mean? So, for example, I already said Double Dribble, so someone in the crowd yelled a thing that I said before.

Speaker 4:
[56:43] You led with Double Dribble, then you said, let's start off with crowd work.

Speaker 7:
[56:50] Well, that's part of a new trend in stand-up that's just chaos. Blending every single trend together. Pissed, shit, I've got poop on my head.

Speaker 8:
[57:00] I want to know more about the prank show, where you just ran around saying pissing shit at people.

Speaker 7:
[57:10] Well, if they'd unlock my old Vine account, you'd be able to see all of it. It was great. The perfect, the perfect like the time for comedy, right? That's what I built my act around. Everything was just six second bursts. Sexual pun intended. You know, Scott, I don't know if you remember this from from the before time that we met. You and I have the same tattoo.

Speaker 4:
[57:38] I don't remember anything from the last time you were on the show. What tattoo do we have?

Speaker 7:
[57:43] We both have a tramp stamp that says, LeBron James ate here. Well, you know, I felt guilty about that. I felt a little bit of shame, you know, because when I'd be in bed with my slam piece and they'd see my tramp stamp, boy, I'd say sometimes they had a look in their eyes like, I just committed a flagrant foul. Anyway, I'm still an alcoholic. So I decided to update it. So right below LeBron James ate here, I had a tattoo artist inscribe in his prime. So depending on how you feel about LeBron James, anywhere from 2010 to 2018.

Speaker 4:
[58:26] He just signed that new deal, didn't he? Is he worth that much?

Speaker 7:
[58:29] Absolutely, he's worth that much. Boy, in a...

Speaker 4:
[58:33] So now you're sitting. Okay, so this is not a joke. I'm getting the formula. When you stand, it's prepared material. When you sit... I'm understanding this now.

Speaker 5:
[58:43] Oh, dear.

Speaker 7:
[58:48] No, I was just adjusting. Yeah, he's definitely worth that contract. I mean, that's... He's earned that. I think... I'm not even gonna say a joke here. I think LeBron James has earned a big contract. Or I'm not an alcoholic. See, I stood up for the joke part. Uh, I'm gonna drop that standing up, sitting down stuff from my act. It's not hitting at the rate that I'm used to when I say I'm an alcoholic. And every time I say it, watch this. You know, I'm an alcoholic.

Speaker 4:
[59:27] It's working for you.

Speaker 7:
[59:28] It's working for me.

Speaker 4:
[59:31] Are you primarily an alcoholic comedian or a basketball comedian? I can't, I'm trying to get a finger on you because I don't remember any of our previous conversation. I remember it happened in Seattle.

Speaker 7:
[59:41] Yeah, it did happen in Seattle, yep.

Speaker 4:
[59:44] And that's all I remember.

Speaker 7:
[59:46] You know, when the Seattle supersonics got stolen from the city by the Oklahoma City Thunder, I thought to myself, Seattle, Oklahoma City understood the assignment.

Speaker 4:
[60:06] So, wait, a city stole a basketball team?

Speaker 7:
[60:09] You know, I'm enough of a basketball fan that I could earnestly respond right now.

Speaker 4:
[60:15] I just, I don't know this story. They were in an airplane or something, they diverted it to...

Speaker 8:
[60:21] Hold on, okay, come on. Now, I don't understand it either, because Oklahoma City already had a basketball team, but then they stole the other basketball team?

Speaker 7:
[60:31] So, briefly, this is hitting me right in the solar plexus.

Speaker 8:
[60:36] I guess I just want to know what happened to the Thunder. Where they, when they were displaced by the supersonics, where'd they go?

Speaker 7:
[60:44] See, this is why I never do Q&A's or crowd work, because if someone asked me a legitimate basketball question, the joke part of my brain turns off, and I just want to give them a legitimate answer. The truth is, when Hurricane Katrina hit New Orleans, the New Orleans franchise briefly relocated to Oklahoma City and had such success and was embraced by the city so much that a group of corporate investors decided, why can't we have a team here in Oklahoma City, a state that is bereft of all professional franchises? So they knew that the Seattle owners were trying to lobby the city and the taxpayers for money to open a new stadium. The taxpayers didn't want to do that because taxpayers should not pay billionaires to open new stadiums. That should be on the billionaires. And while those talks were stalling between the city and the owners, the owners sold it to a group that said they would keep the team in Seattle and then they lied and also they donated a ton of money to anti-LGBT groups. But Oklahoma City does have a great fan base and a rich history.

Speaker 8:
[61:56] I think that's fine, you just have to tag it with, you're an alcoholic.

Speaker 7:
[62:02] Like I said, there are two separate parts of my brain. I'm an alcoholic is absolutely my go-to punch line. But I love the history of basketball, and the history of Oklahoma City. That's secondary to my history of basketball, but yeah, absolutely. You know, I'm wearing a jersey right now of one Alonzo Mourning.

Speaker 4:
[62:25] Did he win last Comic Standing?

Speaker 7:
[62:27] He did, yeah.

Speaker 4:
[62:30] I'm forgetting who he is.

Speaker 7:
[62:35] Yeah, he crushed. His whole thing is about how much coke he snorts all the time. I wouldn't say that. He's legitimately I met him. He's one of the greatest people of all time. I have his cell phone number, and I'm too afraid to text him. True. True. That's true. I'd go so far. That's so true that I'm not an alcoholic.

Speaker 8:
[62:59] No cap.

Speaker 7:
[63:01] No cap, no diggity, no shame.

Speaker 5:
[63:03] Deadass?

Speaker 7:
[63:06] Absolutely deadass. That slag... I was going to say that slags. No, that slaps.

Speaker 5:
[63:14] That slags.

Speaker 8:
[63:15] That slags.

Speaker 5:
[63:17] Let's get that going. This is where it starts.

Speaker 7:
[63:19] That slags.

Speaker 5:
[63:20] That slags.

Speaker 7:
[63:22] Wait, what's the definition of this? Because I don't want to misuse it in like two weeks after it's caught on.

Speaker 4:
[63:27] Well, if you say that slag, you're talking about a woman in the British sense.

Speaker 7:
[63:32] Oh, yeah.

Speaker 8:
[63:34] By just any woman?

Speaker 7:
[63:35] So my slag was putting ear spacers in me the other day. Yeah, she was putting ear spacers in me. And...

Speaker 4:
[63:45] Wait, wait, what?

Speaker 7:
[63:45] I said she was putting ear spacers in my ear.

Speaker 4:
[63:49] What are those?

Speaker 7:
[63:50] You know, when someone stretches out their ear piercing and puts in a little circle.

Speaker 4:
[63:54] Oh, got it, got it, got it.

Speaker 8:
[63:54] Like a gauge.

Speaker 7:
[63:56] Yeah, a gauge. She was putting in... Yeah, she was putting in gauges. So my slag was popping a gauge into my ear hole.

Speaker 8:
[64:06] Into your ear hole.

Speaker 7:
[64:10] When it popped out and fell on the ground, I said, that's an out of bounds play. She said, shut the fuck up. I said, I'm sorry, I'm still an alcoholic.

Speaker 4:
[64:23] And now is it time for a real basketball question? I'm not sure.

Speaker 7:
[64:26] I'm open to real basketball. I mean, you, like, we will get kicked out for curfew if you're asking me real basketball questions.

Speaker 8:
[64:33] Do you think they should have still kept the peach basket?

Speaker 7:
[64:41] Oh yeah, first one to two wins.

Speaker 8:
[64:44] Well, you can have a guy in a ladder who fishes it out and puts it back into play.

Speaker 7:
[64:49] Big Chunky Bubbles, sounds like you know your history.

Speaker 8:
[64:51] Well, that's all I know about basketball.

Speaker 7:
[64:55] You know, they used to not be able to dribble.

Speaker 8:
[64:58] What did they do instead?

Speaker 7:
[64:59] They just passed the ball. They had a pivot foot and then they passed the ball.

Speaker 4:
[65:03] So they all had to stand there? They couldn't, if they were holding the ball, they just had to stand there?

Speaker 7:
[65:07] They just had to stand there and then other people would run around, you'd pass to them. And then once they caught the ball, they couldn't move and the defense would swarm.

Speaker 8:
[65:17] Who invented dribbling? The really frustrated guy?

Speaker 7:
[65:23] Yeah, but really, he was just like, fuck this. He was banned for life. And then like most things, innovators get punished and then posthumously rewarded.

Speaker 8:
[65:39] What was that man's name?

Speaker 7:
[65:42] Skip Dribbles Sr. What?

Speaker 4:
[65:44] What? Your father invented dribbling?

Speaker 7:
[65:49] Well, my father's father. I'm Skip Dribbles Jr. Jr. Is that why it's called dribbling?

Speaker 8:
[65:55] Because otherwise, I don't know why it's called that.

Speaker 7:
[65:59] The person who pointed out was like, He's dribbles. He's dribbles. He's dribbling. And it's stuck. Just like Steph Curry, four-time champion, two-time MVP, one-time finals MVP, sticks the three-pointers and says, I've got swag and drip.

Speaker 4:
[66:32] You stood for that one, and it wasn't a joke.

Speaker 5:
[66:34] I was confused.

Speaker 7:
[66:37] Sometimes, you know, when you try out new material, you want to stand. I'm going to cross that one off. That one, no, that one didn't work.

Speaker 4:
[66:45] So you are working from a list.

Speaker 7:
[66:47] Oh, I am working from a list. Let's see.

Speaker 4:
[66:49] What else do you have on the list? Cause we were running out of time for you. You can believe it.

Speaker 7:
[66:54] Honestly, I've gotten more time than I, the light went on a lot later than I thought it would. Let's see. I'm on the kitchen, I'm on the bathroom floor with my DTF, GF or BF. And they say James Harding is living rent free in your head. And I say, thanks for being so supportive of me. When you're supportive of me, I feel like we're both goal tending. Anyway, I'm a chronic masturbator and an alcoholic.

Speaker 5:
[67:34] It's really just Mad Libs on this sheet. Let's take a look.

Speaker 7:
[67:43] All right, take it easy, good night.

Speaker 5:
[67:45] No, no, Skip Dribbles, everyone, stick around. Stick around, Skip. You don't have to get a physical, do you?

Speaker 7:
[67:54] I don't have to go home, but can I stay here?

Speaker 4:
[67:56] You can, but move over to that one, what do you say?

Speaker 7:
[68:01] Am I giving off Chugui vibes to you?

Speaker 4:
[68:05] Do you like that last dance, I bet you did.

Speaker 7:
[68:07] Oh, I love last dance. Well, the best part of the pandemic is they finally dropped that documentary, you know?

Speaker 4:
[68:13] Made it all worth it.

Speaker 7:
[68:14] And I took it personally. Honestly, one of the best memes of all time is Larry Bird and Michael Jordan hugging, and it says, you bitch, fuck you. Isn't that sweet? Isn't that intimate? Two ruthless competitors that both think that the other is a bitch and they want, I guess they want to have sex, fuck you. I don't know.

Speaker 4:
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[70:35] That's betterhelp.com/bangbang.

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Speaker 7:
[74:09] Absolutely.

Speaker 4:
[74:09] They are a motor enthusiast. Do you like things with motors?

Speaker 7:
[74:13] Oh, absolutely.

Speaker 4:
[74:15] They should put motors into the players.

Speaker 8:
[74:20] What?

Speaker 5:
[74:22] Like supercharged basketball.

Speaker 4:
[74:24] They all have motors in their feet or whatever.

Speaker 8:
[74:26] Motors in their feet.

Speaker 4:
[74:30] Or they're all on, what's that invention that the guy who invented the wheelchair that goes downstairs?

Speaker 8:
[74:36] That's the segway. Wee, waw, wee, waw. That's the sound it made, the wheelchair that goes downstairs.

Speaker 4:
[74:42] Yeah, but it does.

Speaker 7:
[74:45] A segway going downstairs. That's an accident.

Speaker 8:
[74:49] No, the wheelchair going downstairs.

Speaker 7:
[74:51] Oh, yeah.

Speaker 4:
[74:52] His previous invention that made the world a better place.

Speaker 10:
[75:37] Where do I go? Hi.

Speaker 2:
[75:41] Ow.

Speaker 10:
[75:46] Hey.

Speaker 5:
[75:47] So sorry.

Speaker 10:
[75:49] It's already a gray tooth anyway. It's fine. It's already dead.

Speaker 4:
[75:53] It's a little longer and harder than you expect it to be.

Speaker 10:
[75:55] It's really thick.

Speaker 5:
[75:58] How did we get here immediately?

Speaker 4:
[76:02] Kayla, you are a person. I'm trying to explain you to the people who have never heard the show before.

Speaker 10:
[76:09] Okay. So I am a lover of big, big trucks. Specifically, I like guys who drive big, big, big trucks and have small dicks.

Speaker 5:
[76:26] Your two loves.

Speaker 10:
[76:27] Those are my two passions. And my hobbies and kind of my job at this point.

Speaker 5:
[76:34] Kind of your job.

Speaker 4:
[76:35] How do you mean your job?

Speaker 10:
[76:36] Well, I'm actually here because I am competing in the Ford Rock Hard Girl Competition.

Speaker 5:
[76:44] Okay.

Speaker 4:
[76:44] So this is, okay. So because before you worked at Debbie's Bridal, is that what it was?

Speaker 10:
[76:48] Oh, David's Bridal.

Speaker 5:
[76:49] David's Bridal.

Speaker 10:
[76:50] What the fuck is Debbie's, Debbie's Bridal?

Speaker 4:
[76:54] Is this a chain people know about?

Speaker 8:
[76:56] Do you like the snack cakes, little David's?

Speaker 4:
[77:01] You only get married once. Why should you retain any knowledge about a chain?

Speaker 10:
[77:06] Because it's in the commercial. You're not David's Bridal.

Speaker 5:
[77:12] You guys know it.

Speaker 10:
[77:13] I think I nailed it.

Speaker 4:
[77:14] No, I don't like that song. The best commercial song ever, you know.

Speaker 10:
[77:18] Oh.

Speaker 8:
[77:18] I think we're thinking the same one.

Speaker 4:
[77:20] Yeah.

Speaker 10:
[77:20] Oh boy. I don't say.

Speaker 5:
[77:21] Safe flight repair, safe flight replace. Gorgeous song.

Speaker 10:
[77:29] I thought it was going to be something else and I was like, I can't hit the harmony. I'm so sorry.

Speaker 5:
[77:34] We wouldn't do that to you.

Speaker 4:
[77:35] We wouldn't do that to you.

Speaker 10:
[77:36] Thank God. Well, it happened last night.

Speaker 4:
[77:38] You can do barbecue sauce.

Speaker 10:
[77:41] I did it at the wrong place.

Speaker 4:
[77:43] You just jumped in.

Speaker 10:
[77:43] I jumped in with barbecue sauce. You were with us. Yes, I wasn't with you. Yes, I was last night.

Speaker 8:
[77:49] It was somebody else.

Speaker 10:
[77:50] Well, I wasn't. I wasn't, but someone else was. Do it out.

Speaker 4:
[77:55] Sorry, do some wind sprints. If you make a mistake like that, you have to do wind sprints. What the?

Speaker 5:
[78:01] Skip can show you. It's not a wind sprint.

Speaker 7:
[78:09] It is if that's as fast as she goes.

Speaker 5:
[78:11] Yeah, true.

Speaker 10:
[78:13] I'm getting ready for my competition.

Speaker 5:
[78:15] Yeah, you're okay.

Speaker 10:
[78:16] What do you guys think? Now picture me in a carpet bikini.

Speaker 5:
[78:23] Carpet?

Speaker 10:
[78:24] Carpet.

Speaker 5:
[78:27] Like shag or?

Speaker 10:
[78:29] No, like carpet from a car, like an interior of a car. So yeah, I'm here because I'm competing. God, Jesus Christ. I'm competing in a-

Speaker 8:
[78:42] Sorry, sorry. We're trying to figure this out. Do you mean like floor mats?

Speaker 10:
[78:48] Yeah, I mean like floor mats in a car.

Speaker 8:
[78:51] You have to bite my head off, lady.

Speaker 7:
[78:54] Those aren't made of carpet. Those are weatherized rubber.

Speaker 10:
[78:59] That's the kind of bikini I wear. It's not complicated. Like I'm saying, everyone's like looking at me like, yeah, these people are crazy. Like the thing is that the Ford Rockard competition, if I may, is where girls like me who love big, big, big trucks go and compete together in front of all these guys with tiny dicks. And we basically compete to be the truck girl of America. And it's a huge honor. And it comes with a cash prize and a leather bikini.

Speaker 4:
[79:46] A leather bikini, like the interior.

Speaker 10:
[79:48] Like the interior of a car, leather. See, everyone's like, yeah, it makes sense. It makes perfect sense.

Speaker 5:
[79:55] How much is the cash prize, if you don't mind me asking?

Speaker 10:
[79:57] It's huge. It's $4,900.

Speaker 4:
[80:04] Why didn't they go with a full five?

Speaker 10:
[80:06] Well, because they were like, that would be crazy. That would be so much money. So, I'm competing. I compete every year.

Speaker 4:
[80:16] You compete every year?

Speaker 10:
[80:17] I compete every year. And this year, it's here. Yay!

Speaker 5:
[80:20] It's here in Charlotte. Oh, wow. Congratulations, Charlotte.

Speaker 10:
[80:23] Way to go. I'm sure I'm going to see you guys all tomorrow.

Speaker 4:
[80:27] Have there been a lot of Rockhard Ford 150s, 250s, all that, like, traveling around Charlotte today?

Speaker 10:
[80:33] Oh, yeah. You guys will see them. There's the Ford Rockhard 300, Ford Rockhard 350, Ford Rockhard 400.

Speaker 4:
[80:42] Now, what are they up to at this point?

Speaker 10:
[80:43] They're up to 500, which is nuts. I'm still, like, I can't even believe it. I saw it was rumored on the message boards on Facebook. And they, and I'm out in Charlie, like, getting to the show. And lo and behold, what do I see? Ford Rockhard 500 bopping around. I was stuck in my tracks.

Speaker 4:
[81:16] You're trying to move, but you were paralyzed.

Speaker 10:
[81:18] I was absolutely stark in my tracks.

Speaker 5:
[81:20] Stark in your tracks.

Speaker 10:
[81:22] I could not move a limb.

Speaker 4:
[81:24] This is before.

Speaker 10:
[81:25] This was on my way to the show. Luckily, I made it because the guy picked me up in his big, big, big, big truck.

Speaker 4:
[81:32] Yeah, you're not with your boyfriend anymore?

Speaker 10:
[81:34] No, I'm always, first of all, I'm always single for the Miss Ford Rockhard competition. I had to break up with my last boyfriend, Chart. And the guy who picked me up this time is named Bork. And his friend in the car, he had another friend, so lucky, the two hot guys with tiny dice sticks sitting in that car.

Speaker 4:
[82:08] They're not very long, but they're as thick as they are long.

Speaker 10:
[82:12] How many times do we have to talk about this? They picture a dice, one singular dice.

Speaker 4:
[82:18] A die, yes.

Speaker 10:
[82:20] That's it, that's all. I don't think I have to explain it again. I'm pretty sure there's some people here with them. And I see you. I see every single one of you.

Speaker 4:
[82:31] With like big droopy testicles, or?

Speaker 8:
[82:35] Good question.

Speaker 10:
[82:37] Why do you always want to talk about dicks every time I come on?

Speaker 6:
[82:41] You mentioned it right away.

Speaker 10:
[82:42] I'm trying to talk about the Miss Hard Rock Hard competition.

Speaker 4:
[82:47] Okay.

Speaker 10:
[82:48] And you keep being like, what about the dicks? I'm like, go find like a guy in a big truck for yourself. Like, why do you have to keep coming up to me? I'm like, everyone here is like, this is insane. It keeps me crazy.

Speaker 4:
[83:00] I don't know that they're on your side.

Speaker 10:
[83:01] Everyone's like, Scott. Scott is nuts.

Speaker 4:
[83:05] Well, what do you have to do in the competition? You were strutting around the stage a little bit.

Speaker 10:
[83:08] Yeah, so obviously, you do have to look really good and really hot.

Speaker 4:
[83:13] Yeah, what have you been doing to prepare for this?

Speaker 10:
[83:16] Okay, well, so I guess it's a good time to talk about what is in the competition, just because.

Speaker 4:
[83:22] My first question.

Speaker 10:
[83:23] Did you? I don't remember you saying that. Everyone's like, he didn't ask that. So, like one of the things, of course, is the tire fire.

Speaker 4:
[83:35] Tire bear?

Speaker 10:
[83:36] Tire fire.

Speaker 4:
[83:38] Tire fire.

Speaker 10:
[83:39] Yeah, so they light a big fire around this really big tire.

Speaker 4:
[83:44] Around it. It's not a tire fire where they're lighting tires on fire. They light a fire around a tire?

Speaker 10:
[83:51] They light a huge fire around a tire. And basically, all of these girls, like me, have to climb to the top of the fire tire. And the tire, I think, is like 26 and a half feet. And we just all scramble up there. And it's literally like life or death. Like, we throw each other to the grounds.

Speaker 4:
[84:11] So whoever's up and remains up is the winner? Yeah.

Speaker 10:
[84:14] Well, yeah, I mean, if you stay alive, like, you're doing good.

Speaker 5:
[84:20] I've always said that.

Speaker 10:
[84:21] Success. So, yeah, so I've been obviously training for that. I've been training.

Speaker 4:
[84:27] How do you train for that?

Speaker 5:
[84:28] Have you got a big tire or?

Speaker 10:
[84:29] Lighting fires around tires.

Speaker 5:
[84:31] That's not the part that you have to do, though.

Speaker 10:
[84:33] Watching the tire burn, you know, that kind of thing.

Speaker 4:
[84:36] You should be practicing the climbing of the tire.

Speaker 10:
[84:38] I think I know how to practice and I watch the fire. That's the main thing I've done. But yeah, I go to the gym and stuff, too, of course. And then, the flap, the flap-slap.

Speaker 4:
[84:52] Flaps.

Speaker 10:
[84:53] Why is everyone grossed out? Flap-slap.

Speaker 5:
[84:55] Flap-flap-slap.

Speaker 10:
[84:56] Flap-slap.

Speaker 5:
[84:57] Flap-slap.

Speaker 8:
[84:58] I'm sorry, can I ask, typically, how many contestants remain after the tire fire?

Speaker 10:
[85:05] Well, we usually get about half through.

Speaker 7:
[85:11] And the other half die?

Speaker 10:
[85:12] Yeah.

Speaker 4:
[85:15] This is like squid game, in other words.

Speaker 10:
[85:17] Oh, I've never seen that, but it's true. Sure, sure, sure. Yeah. And flap-slap.

Speaker 4:
[85:26] What is flap-slap?

Speaker 10:
[85:28] So, you know, those flaps that we were just talking about.

Speaker 4:
[85:32] Oh, by the...

Speaker 10:
[85:34] Mud flaps. Mud flaps, or the flaps by your feet in the car, for those flaps.

Speaker 4:
[85:41] For someone who loves trucks as much as you do, you don't know anything about them, it seems like.

Speaker 10:
[85:46] I know just enough, okay?

Speaker 4:
[85:48] You know you like the power that they have.

Speaker 10:
[85:51] Yeah. I mean, look, I am all about just supporting that driver and that big, big man and his big, big, big truck. So it's like, I come secondary. I don't really need to learn about the truck. I just need to be in it. Everyone's like, yeah, we get it.

Speaker 8:
[86:06] Floor mat.

Speaker 10:
[86:07] Floor mat. So you grab a mat or you grab a flap, as I think they're called, and you basically just slap the shit out of each other. It's honestly so much fun. Everyone's covered in welts by the end.

Speaker 4:
[86:24] How many people die from that?

Speaker 10:
[86:27] A quarter.

Speaker 4:
[86:30] A quarter of them or the quarter of the remaining?

Speaker 10:
[86:33] Quarter of the remaining.

Speaker 4:
[86:35] Oh, a quarter of the remaining.

Speaker 10:
[86:36] Yeah. So we're down to a percentage left.

Speaker 4:
[86:43] About 37.5, somewhere.

Speaker 10:
[86:44] Something like that. Then of course, the pump and dump.

Speaker 4:
[86:54] I barely want to ask.

Speaker 10:
[86:56] The pump and dump?

Speaker 4:
[86:57] But I have to. What is the pump and dump?

Speaker 10:
[86:58] It's one of my favorites. I'm actually really good. Basically, what it is, is you take the gas thing.

Speaker 4:
[87:07] You said it before, pump.

Speaker 10:
[87:09] The pump, and you shove it in your mouth, and you basically just fill her up, and then you squirt it through your mouth into the hole on the truck. That takes the gas.

Speaker 4:
[87:35] Please stop miming that.

Speaker 10:
[87:40] And I'm really good, because I don't have a gag reflex, so it just goes straight down, and I'm like straight up full of gas.

Speaker 5:
[87:49] Skip, what do you think about this?

Speaker 7:
[87:51] It sounds like something I've done with one of my casual sex partners. You know, now we call each other fuck-quaintances, and I think that's sus.

Speaker 5:
[88:06] Until this second, I had forgotten about the third part of your thing, which is the trends.

Speaker 7:
[88:11] Got to stay on trend. Anyway, so you pump this, and then you dump it.

Speaker 10:
[88:14] I'm Gen Z, so I totally get it.

Speaker 7:
[88:16] Right.

Speaker 10:
[88:17] I got every word of the last part.

Speaker 4:
[88:20] So what's the dump part, though?

Speaker 10:
[88:22] The dump?

Speaker 4:
[88:23] Yeah.

Speaker 10:
[88:23] Yeah. Dump.

Speaker 5:
[88:25] Stop miming that.

Speaker 7:
[88:28] You're that's you're miming the same thing as the pump.

Speaker 10:
[88:32] No, when you take the pump, it's like this.

Speaker 7:
[88:39] So what's the dump?

Speaker 8:
[88:43] I see it.

Speaker 5:
[88:44] I saw 80 camera phones go up in the ground.

Speaker 10:
[88:49] So then, of course, there is the hubcap tap.

Speaker 5:
[88:56] Hubcap tap.

Speaker 10:
[88:57] Hubcap tap.

Speaker 4:
[88:58] Is that where you take the little things that go on the tires?

Speaker 10:
[89:02] Yeah. You take out. You take the hubcaps and you basically just do like a fun little tap. So that one's really steep.

Speaker 5:
[89:14] What does that mean? I don't even know.

Speaker 10:
[89:16] You take the hubcap and you do a tap.

Speaker 4:
[89:18] You do a tap dance?

Speaker 10:
[89:19] Yeah. That one's fun. That one's not what people expected.

Speaker 7:
[89:25] How do they judge that part of the competition?

Speaker 10:
[89:28] How fast are you tapping?

Speaker 5:
[89:30] Oh, just purely speed.

Speaker 10:
[89:33] And does the hubcap look good?

Speaker 7:
[89:37] This isn't the pump and dump. Just hold it. There you go.

Speaker 10:
[89:42] And then, of course, there is the, there's the smoke and choke.

Speaker 5:
[89:49] Your teeth really hurt, I can tell. There is, of course.

Speaker 10:
[89:53] There is, of course.

Speaker 4:
[89:55] The...

Speaker 10:
[89:57] I had this same two, three times. There's the smoke and choke.

Speaker 5:
[90:04] Smoke and choke.

Speaker 4:
[90:04] This sounds a lot like the pump and dump that I'm going to ask. What is smoke and choke?

Speaker 10:
[90:09] Smoke and choke is where you take, you know, the exhaust pipe, and you go... And you take as much of the exhaust as you possibly can, and then however many rings you can make. So I'm also really good at that one, because I don't have a gagging flex. Did I tell you that?

Speaker 5:
[90:35] Yeah, you mentioned it several times.

Speaker 10:
[90:36] Wait, hold on a sec.

Speaker 7:
[90:38] How many people are left alive at this point?

Speaker 8:
[90:40] I had the same question.

Speaker 10:
[90:41] Oh, we're down to 8%. At this point, 8%.

Speaker 8:
[90:46] I feel like if you can make it to the cap and tap, you're in pretty good shape.

Speaker 10:
[90:51] Yeah, you are.

Speaker 5:
[90:53] Anyone die from the cap and tap?

Speaker 10:
[90:56] The hubcap tap?

Speaker 8:
[90:57] The hubcap tap, forgive me.

Speaker 10:
[91:00] Well, if you don't make the hubcap look good while you tap really fast, then someone will kill you. Because the guys at this, I just want to emphasize this, the guys at the competition are so serious about their trucks. They care so much. And if the hubcap looks bad, they will kill you. But that's their right. It's America.

Speaker 8:
[91:26] What could make the hubcap look bad?

Speaker 10:
[91:29] The light. If the light isn't right.

Speaker 8:
[91:32] You're responsible for the entire stage picture? I thought this was just in a parking lot.

Speaker 10:
[91:38] If the sound is bad, if the sound is bad of the tap, oh no, you're in trouble. Gun to the head.

Speaker 4:
[91:46] They do it by gun, really.

Speaker 10:
[91:48] Yeah, they have you get on your knees, though.

Speaker 5:
[91:50] Execution style?

Speaker 10:
[91:51] Yeah. Wait, this is, everyone in the audience is like, yeah, we know. We go all the time. I don't know. Anyway.

Speaker 4:
[92:03] Aren't you worried, Kayla? I mean, I don't know why you're doing this.

Speaker 10:
[92:06] No, I win. I mean, like, I literally win every year.

Speaker 4:
[92:09] But the people who don't, 92% of the people don't make it out.

Speaker 10:
[92:13] Oh, I'm not even done.

Speaker 4:
[92:15] There's more.

Speaker 10:
[92:16] There's more. This is when the talent portion kicks in.

Speaker 8:
[92:21] The hubcap tap is not considered part of the talent portion.

Speaker 4:
[92:24] Just about how fast you can do it and how the lighting looks.

Speaker 10:
[92:27] So with the talent portion, obviously, there's lots of different things you can do. So in the past years, I have counted cup holders. I have adjusted the mirrors. I waxed a whole truck with my tits. I think last year I fed multiple cheeseburgers to a guy going 110 miles an hour on a brick road. So it can be anything. It's creative in that way. It's fun.

Speaker 4:
[92:56] What do you have planned for this year?

Speaker 10:
[92:58] So this year, actually, I'm doing a fun spin. I'm going to go intellectual.

Speaker 4:
[93:05] Really? You, Kayla?

Speaker 10:
[93:09] Yeah, me.

Speaker 4:
[93:11] What do you have planned?

Speaker 10:
[93:12] This is... Okay, so I am going to list all the state mottos on license plates.

Speaker 4:
[93:17] All of the state mottos on license plates?

Speaker 10:
[93:19] Yeah.

Speaker 5:
[93:19] You can do this?

Speaker 10:
[93:20] Yeah.

Speaker 4:
[93:21] Let's hear it.

Speaker 10:
[93:23] I can't do all of them. You guys have to come tomorrow.

Speaker 5:
[93:27] Well, give us a taste.

Speaker 10:
[93:29] Okay. Well, give me a state.

Speaker 8:
[93:31] Pennsylvania.

Speaker 10:
[93:33] Pennsylvania. Don't do that like that. Okay.

Speaker 4:
[93:46] Arkansas?

Speaker 10:
[93:47] Arkansas who?

Speaker 4:
[93:50] Arkansas who?

Speaker 10:
[93:51] Yeah. It repeats the state name. Arkansas who?

Speaker 4:
[93:57] Skip, you have one?

Speaker 7:
[93:59] I can absolutely name a state right now.

Speaker 5:
[94:04] Weird when you have to.

Speaker 4:
[94:06] It's very hard, isn't it?

Speaker 7:
[94:07] It really is. Montana.

Speaker 10:
[94:10] Montana. This ain't the Windy City.

Speaker 7:
[94:17] That's worse than who?

Speaker 4:
[94:19] Yeah. Rhode Island.

Speaker 10:
[94:21] Rhode Island. Why you gotta go here like that?

Speaker 8:
[94:27] Um, Delaware.

Speaker 10:
[94:29] I'm not that rich.

Speaker 8:
[94:34] Hawaii.

Speaker 10:
[94:36] Okay.

Speaker 5:
[94:39] Just okay with like a long stretch out A?

Speaker 10:
[94:43] Okay.

Speaker 7:
[94:45] North Dakota.

Speaker 10:
[94:47] North Dakota is nobody's gonna be there.

Speaker 8:
[94:54] North Carolina.

Speaker 10:
[94:57] Of course, this one is, that's so much hot.

Speaker 5:
[95:03] Kayla Dickie, everyone. Good luck. Good luck on the show.

Speaker 10:
[95:16] Should I move down?

Speaker 4:
[95:17] Yeah, I think you all could move down.

Speaker 8:
[95:19] But I wait till you introduce.

Speaker 10:
[95:21] Oh, sorry, I'm still learning the rules. I'm thinking about tomorrow.

Speaker 4:
[95:28] What time does the competition start?

Speaker 10:
[95:30] 9:30 p.m. What time does it typically wrap up? The next day, 10:29 p.m. So, it's 24 hours and 59 minutes. Yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 4:
[95:53] Is that right?

Speaker 10:
[95:53] 24 hours 58 minutes.

Speaker 8:
[95:58] She got you.

Speaker 10:
[95:58] Go ahead, check it. Everyone's like, she said it right. He didn't know.

Speaker 5:
[96:06] All right.

Speaker 4:
[96:07] Well, it's time to get to our final guest of the evening. Are you excited for this?

Speaker 10:
[96:10] I'm so fucking pumped.

Speaker 5:
[96:12] You don't have to say, yes, that loud. It's time for the final guest. Yes.

Speaker 4:
[96:21] End my suffering. He's never been on the show before. This is exciting. We had a TV host on earlier on in the program and he's a TV host.

Speaker 5:
[96:31] He is a TV host. Please welcome Sawyer Junior, everyone.

Speaker 9:
[96:37] Hello. How are we doing, folks? Hey, how are we doing? All right. Good to see you. How are we doing, folks? Wow. Beautiful crowd. Beautiful, beautiful crowd. Hello. My name is Sawyer Junior and I am a psychic medium.

Speaker 4:
[97:08] You're one of the psychic mediums.

Speaker 11:
[97:10] I'm one of the psychic mediums. Yes, sir.

Speaker 9:
[97:14] And I'm very happy to be here.

Speaker 11:
[97:16] Beautiful town.

Speaker 4:
[97:18] Yeah. Well, you sound like you're from the south.

Speaker 9:
[97:20] I am from the south.

Speaker 11:
[97:22] I grew up just outside of Black Pepper Gravy, Louisiana.

Speaker 9:
[97:31] Right outside of it.

Speaker 5:
[97:32] Just right outside.

Speaker 9:
[97:33] Yeah.

Speaker 5:
[97:34] Yeah.

Speaker 4:
[97:34] Didn't get into it, though.

Speaker 9:
[97:36] No, no, no.

Speaker 11:
[97:39] No, I barely made it over to Black Pepper Gravy.

Speaker 9:
[97:43] That's where the city people are.

Speaker 8:
[97:48] So you lived in a suburb of Black Pepper Gravy. Good bubbles, by the way. Black Pepper Gravy. Black Pepper Gravy. I beg your pardon?

Speaker 9:
[98:02] I was doing the bubbles with you. Bubbles?

Speaker 8:
[98:05] That's just the way I talk.

Speaker 9:
[98:06] Oh.

Speaker 7:
[98:08] Watch out, Sawyer. Watch out, Sawyer. He's going to throw hands.

Speaker 9:
[98:13] You angry chunky bubbles.

Speaker 8:
[98:15] I'm not happy.

Speaker 4:
[98:19] Never seen two characters almost immediately fight.

Speaker 11:
[98:25] I like chunky bubbles.

Speaker 12:
[98:26] I'm not trying to fight.

Speaker 8:
[98:27] Big chunky bubbles, if you don't mind.

Speaker 9:
[98:32] You don't look big to me. You're looking slim over there, Chunky.

Speaker 8:
[98:35] The bubbles are big and chunky.

Speaker 9:
[98:39] Oh, you're skinny. My bad.

Speaker 4:
[98:42] I was going to say, I'm surprised you're a medium, because you look more like an XXL.

Speaker 5:
[98:53] Since you're throwing weight jokes around.

Speaker 9:
[98:57] You know what, Scott?

Speaker 11:
[98:59] I come all the way up here, and you make fun of my size. Well, just so you know, I am wearing a medium shirt. I don't know if you can tell.

Speaker 4:
[99:08] Oh, okay, yeah, it was very ill-fitting.

Speaker 11:
[99:11] Yes.

Speaker 5:
[99:12] Goes down to just below your tits.

Speaker 10:
[99:16] That's my kind of shirt.

Speaker 11:
[99:18] You can actually see the very bottom of my nipples in this shirt. Huge pants that come up way over the bellybutton.

Speaker 4:
[99:27] Those are like MC Hammer pants.

Speaker 6:
[99:28] They are.

Speaker 5:
[99:29] You actually got, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, so anyone who wears those can dance like that?

Speaker 4:
[99:37] Yep.

Speaker 11:
[99:39] It's just the pants you need to do it. But thank you for having me here, Scott. I'm very excited. I am here to promote my new television show.

Speaker 4:
[99:51] You have a new television show? I don't know about your old television show. What's that?

Speaker 11:
[99:54] No, this is my first show.

Speaker 4:
[99:56] Oh, okay.

Speaker 11:
[99:56] Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's called Swamp Psychic.

Speaker 9:
[100:00] P-S-W-A-M-P.

Speaker 11:
[100:05] Psychic.

Speaker 4:
[100:07] P-S-W.

Speaker 5:
[100:08] Oh, got it.

Speaker 11:
[100:09] So the P is silent on both words.

Speaker 4:
[100:19] I thought you were doing an SVU kind of thing where it stood for something.

Speaker 5:
[100:23] Swamp Psychic PSWAMP.

Speaker 11:
[100:28] I hope I do get some type of spinoff called Swamp Psychic colon Swamp.

Speaker 12:
[100:37] That would be nice.

Speaker 11:
[100:38] But yeah, the Outdoor Living Network Plus really took a chance on me and gave me my own show.

Speaker 4:
[100:47] This is incredible.

Speaker 11:
[100:48] It's unbelievable.

Speaker 4:
[100:49] You always remember your first TV show.

Speaker 11:
[100:51] You can't forget it. And of course, I share the hour with By You Bitches and Louisiana Tattoo Outlaws.

Speaker 5:
[101:03] So three shows are sharing an hour? How does that work?

Speaker 9:
[101:10] It's a quibby, 20-minute Eps.

Speaker 4:
[101:16] 20-minute Eps. But do you do one minute of one show, then one minute of the next?

Speaker 5:
[101:20] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 11:
[101:20] We alternate minutes, obviously.

Speaker 5:
[101:24] Yeah.

Speaker 4:
[101:25] Feel stupid for even bringing it up.

Speaker 11:
[101:26] No. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You want to kind of do three beats, do them again, three beats. You get it.

Speaker 4:
[101:35] It's how people do music.

Speaker 11:
[101:37] That's exactly how people do music.

Speaker 4:
[101:39] Three beats if it's a waltz.

Speaker 11:
[101:41] Oh, we love the waltz.

Speaker 4:
[101:44] Don't we love the waltz?

Speaker 11:
[101:46] Love the waltz, yeah.

Speaker 5:
[101:47] Um... Whoa!

Speaker 7:
[101:54] It's the pants. It's the pants.

Speaker 8:
[101:57] The pants made him do a bar step.

Speaker 9:
[101:59] I can do them all.

Speaker 7:
[102:01] You can do them all?

Speaker 11:
[102:02] All the dances.

Speaker 10:
[102:03] Can you do the hubcap tap?

Speaker 11:
[102:05] The what?

Speaker 10:
[102:05] The hubcap tap. And so make the hubcap go like that.

Speaker 4:
[102:09] Yeah, let's see it. Make sure your lighting is good.

Speaker 11:
[102:11] Oh, yeah.

Speaker 10:
[102:12] And sound.

Speaker 11:
[102:13] It's perfect.

Speaker 10:
[102:18] No, you need to pick up the hubcap. I don't know what you're doing.

Speaker 8:
[102:22] Is that it?

Speaker 10:
[102:23] No, not even close.

Speaker 8:
[102:24] Your feet should be going. The hubcap tap is coming, the hubcap tap is coming.

Speaker 10:
[102:31] Your feet should be going 200 miles an hour. It has to be directly in the sun.

Speaker 7:
[102:39] It's catchy. With all due respects, it's very catchy. It's just don't do that in town this weekend or you're going to get murdered.

Speaker 9:
[102:45] Okay.

Speaker 10:
[102:46] Shot in the head.

Speaker 12:
[102:47] Okay.

Speaker 7:
[102:49] All right.

Speaker 11:
[102:50] Well, this...

Speaker 9:
[102:51] Well, yeah, I'm very...

Speaker 4:
[102:52] Sawyer Junior, by the way.

Speaker 12:
[102:54] Yes.

Speaker 4:
[102:54] Who's Sawyer Senior?

Speaker 11:
[102:56] Senior, Senior.

Speaker 5:
[103:02] No. No.

Speaker 11:
[103:06] That was my granddaddy.

Speaker 5:
[103:08] Oh.

Speaker 11:
[103:09] My daddy's name is Senior Junior.

Speaker 12:
[103:13] My son's name is Little Junior.

Speaker 4:
[103:16] So why are you Sawyer Junior?

Speaker 5:
[103:23] Just families are crazy.

Speaker 12:
[103:24] Families are crazy.

Speaker 5:
[103:25] Yeah.

Speaker 4:
[103:27] Got it.

Speaker 11:
[103:28] Yeah, but I, it's really, it's unbelievable for me this year.

Speaker 4:
[103:32] Back on track.

Speaker 11:
[103:33] I mean, yes. Back on track.

Speaker 4:
[103:34] Love it. So it's an unbelievable year to be Sawyer Junior with Swamp Psychic.

Speaker 9:
[103:40] Swamp Psychic, yeah.

Speaker 11:
[103:42] We, of course, we landed Jack Link's Garlic Sardines as our sponsor. Amazing sponsor.

Speaker 4:
[103:52] Yeah. Do they have integrated marketing in the show?

Speaker 11:
[103:55] Yes, about every 32 seconds, a Jack's Link's Garlic Sardines commercial plays at a volume your TV is not ready for. Commercial plays, at a volume your TV is not ready for.

Speaker 4:
[104:09] 32 seconds into your minute.

Speaker 11:
[104:21] As a motorcycle pulling away, the Jack Links are driving, of course.

Speaker 4:
[104:27] Oh, so they're anthropomorphic.

Speaker 9:
[104:28] Yes.

Speaker 4:
[104:29] Are they like the California Raisins?

Speaker 9:
[104:31] Just like it.

Speaker 11:
[104:32] They got their own Christmas special.

Speaker 10:
[104:38] Did they make one of them less sexy, like the green M&M? Did they give her new boots, new shoes?

Speaker 11:
[104:44] Yeah, they're coming at the garlic, anthropomorphic garlic sardines for having their tits out.

Speaker 5:
[104:57] Yeah.

Speaker 9:
[104:57] I'm like, what do y'all want from these sardines? The original concept is that their tits are out. I mean, what?

Speaker 10:
[105:07] I see nothing wrong.

Speaker 5:
[105:08] It's cancel culture.

Speaker 9:
[105:09] It's cancel culture.

Speaker 11:
[105:10] So now we can't watch a can of anthropomorphic garlic sand sardines, because there's boys and girls fuck each other in a commercial.

Speaker 4:
[105:24] America, you know.

Speaker 9:
[105:26] It's unbelievable. This is cancel culture. I don't care if my kid sees a garlic sardine get bent over.

Speaker 5:
[105:38] They're not real.

Speaker 9:
[105:39] They're not real. They're not real. It's fake characters.

Speaker 4:
[105:44] It's like watching, you know, Hentai or...

Speaker 9:
[105:48] Just like that.

Speaker 7:
[105:49] Hold on a second. Hold on a second. I never thought I'd say this. Scott, go on.

Speaker 5:
[105:56] No one has ever said that on the show.

Speaker 7:
[105:59] Go off on Hentai, Queen.

Speaker 10:
[106:04] I just want to say I was raised on the garlic sardines.

Speaker 4:
[106:08] You were?

Speaker 10:
[106:09] Yeah. I would just be like...

Speaker 5:
[106:11] So good, right?

Speaker 4:
[106:11] Stop mining them.

Speaker 5:
[106:13] Stop. Oh.

Speaker 7:
[106:14] Oh.

Speaker 10:
[106:16] I would choke it down. And I loved the cartoons growing up. They had a huge influence on me. I know.

Speaker 7:
[106:23] You know what's crazy when you're actually eating them is they also have tits and genitalia.

Speaker 9:
[106:29] Exactly.

Speaker 11:
[106:30] That was the whole concept. Little fish with tits and dicks.

Speaker 9:
[106:38] That was the elevator pitch makes me hungry.

Speaker 7:
[106:45] Why are we cutting the tits and dicks off these sardines?

Speaker 5:
[106:49] That's almost more offensive.

Speaker 9:
[106:51] Yeah, exactly.

Speaker 4:
[106:52] To neuter sardines.

Speaker 11:
[106:54] Now we're just going to have smooth fish with no tits and dicks.

Speaker 12:
[106:57] It's so sad. No, thank you.

Speaker 11:
[107:05] But yeah, Scott. But yeah, yeah, but yeah. But yeah, I was just a normal kid.

Speaker 5:
[107:15] Okay, well, then we don't have to talk about it.

Speaker 9:
[107:18] No, no, no, no.

Speaker 5:
[107:19] You wanna talk about it?

Speaker 9:
[107:20] Yes, I do.

Speaker 11:
[107:21] But I was at a rodeo, and a plate of hush puppies fell on my head. And I fell into a coma, and when I awoke, I could hear from the departed.

Speaker 5:
[107:33] Oh, right, you're a psychic. Oh, yes. You're talking about sardine dicks for so long. I lost the thread.

Speaker 11:
[107:45] Sometimes a tangent is the whole bit.

Speaker 4:
[107:49] So you, hush puppies fell on your head. How many years or days or months were you out?

Speaker 11:
[107:56] Well, I was out for a month.

Speaker 4:
[107:59] Which month?

Speaker 5:
[108:01] Did you miss Christmas?

Speaker 11:
[108:02] December.

Speaker 5:
[108:02] Oh, no.

Speaker 9:
[108:04] I know.

Speaker 11:
[108:04] I missed the garlic sardines gang bang Christmas special.

Speaker 9:
[108:18] I stay up every year for that.

Speaker 5:
[108:21] Because it's a very odd time.

Speaker 11:
[108:23] I know.

Speaker 9:
[108:23] And me and the kids gather around and we watch that shit and we dress up like them.

Speaker 8:
[108:30] Of course. It was regular right before midnight mass we'd watch it.

Speaker 5:
[108:35] Yes.

Speaker 9:
[108:37] And then you go to church and you light some candles.

Speaker 5:
[108:40] Yeah.

Speaker 11:
[108:40] It's a beautiful time of the year.

Speaker 5:
[108:42] Beautiful. You missed it.

Speaker 11:
[108:44] Well, I missed it.

Speaker 5:
[108:45] Yeah.

Speaker 4:
[108:45] But when you woke up, you had psychic powers.

Speaker 11:
[108:47] I did. I could hear from The Departed. I could.

Speaker 10:
[108:50] I love that movie.

Speaker 12:
[108:52] What's that?

Speaker 10:
[108:52] I love that movie.

Speaker 12:
[108:53] Oh, my God.

Speaker 4:
[108:55] A remake of Infernal Affairs.

Speaker 5:
[108:58] Sorry? Never mind.

Speaker 7:
[109:01] Scott, talk about hentai again.

Speaker 4:
[109:06] So you can hear from them. You can't see them.

Speaker 11:
[109:09] No, the voices were just here and there. And I was like, oh, that's somebody's granddaddy.

Speaker 9:
[109:15] That's somebody's aunt.

Speaker 4:
[109:16] Do they identify as like, I'm a grandfather when they talk to you? Or are you getting context clues about what they're talking about?

Speaker 11:
[109:25] Usually, they'll say like, grandson?

Speaker 4:
[109:28] They think you're the grandson.

Speaker 11:
[109:29] Yeah, they're trying to. They're just wandering souls.

Speaker 4:
[109:32] They're looking for the grandson.

Speaker 11:
[109:34] Yeah.

Speaker 8:
[109:34] And they see a portal to the living world and that's you.

Speaker 9:
[109:38] Exactly.

Speaker 11:
[109:40] Exactly. So I was wondering if I could if I could talk to somebody, maybe from your life, Scott, just to do a little reading here.

Speaker 9:
[109:49] If you guys don't mind.

Speaker 5:
[109:51] I would love a demonstration. Yeah.

Speaker 11:
[109:55] Okay.

Speaker 5:
[109:56] I'm getting a lot of stuff.

Speaker 11:
[109:57] I'm getting a lot of stuff right now. A lot of stuff is swirling around in here.

Speaker 4:
[110:02] And the ghosts travel with me?

Speaker 9:
[110:04] Yes. Yes.

Speaker 11:
[110:04] They get close to you and they're trying to...

Speaker 4:
[110:07] Because I don't live here, but they're...

Speaker 11:
[110:08] No, they get on the plane with you.

Speaker 4:
[110:14] So like planes are the most haunted places there are.

Speaker 12:
[110:17] Oh my god, they're packed.

Speaker 4:
[110:20] So many ghosts have to travel.

Speaker 8:
[110:22] Do they stand up on the plane? Or are they sitting on your lap and you don't even know?

Speaker 9:
[110:29] They're underneath the seats.

Speaker 11:
[110:32] They're underneath the seats.

Speaker 9:
[110:33] And in the overhead compartments.

Speaker 10:
[110:36] Is that why there's no space for my fucking bag?

Speaker 11:
[110:38] That's exactly right. Every time they say we've run out of space and we might have to check your bag to your location, a gate check, it's a ghost.

Speaker 4:
[110:48] Okay, so what ghost are you getting? Should we face each other?

Speaker 11:
[110:52] Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. Okay, you mind if I lay a hand on you?

Speaker 5:
[110:56] You're already doing it.

Speaker 11:
[110:57] Okay.

Speaker 9:
[110:59] All right, Scott, did you...

Speaker 11:
[111:01] I'm getting a name. I'm getting a name.

Speaker 9:
[111:05] Did you have a boss named Jelly Roll?

Speaker 11:
[111:12] I'm getting a figure that was imported to you and gave you orders and bossed you around. A name Jelly Roll?

Speaker 4:
[111:24] No, I don't think so.

Speaker 9:
[111:25] Okay, okay, that's all right. That's all right.

Speaker 11:
[111:27] Okay.

Speaker 9:
[111:27] That's okay.

Speaker 11:
[111:28] That's okay.

Speaker 9:
[111:28] A lot of times people are just walking by.

Speaker 12:
[111:31] They're trying to get to their plane. And it's not them. It's not them.

Speaker 11:
[111:37] Okay, okay. Oh, oh, yes. All right. This is this is feeling like a maternal figure. Yes, she wants to talk to you.

Speaker 12:
[111:46] She wants to tell you something.

Speaker 11:
[111:47] It could be a grandmother, could be a great grandmother. Did your did your grandmother slip on a puddle of wrench dressing and fall into a man named Pray Train?

Speaker 10:
[111:59] Wrench dressing?

Speaker 12:
[112:00] Wrench, you know, dressing that you put on wrenches and lick off of it. The good stuff.

Speaker 4:
[112:10] No, no, no.

Speaker 9:
[112:11] OK, that's all right. That's all right.

Speaker 4:
[112:12] Sorry.

Speaker 11:
[112:13] Sometimes my readings are a little specific to my clientele.

Speaker 4:
[112:18] Oh, you think that this is people who are your clientele?

Speaker 11:
[112:22] Just just people around my town. Oh, so sometimes people from right. There's the premise.

Speaker 4:
[112:29] OK, there we go.

Speaker 5:
[112:34] Got it. Locked in.

Speaker 10:
[112:37] Just look at the paper, Scott.

Speaker 11:
[112:40] OK. Do you have a step nephew named Rust? Who got in trouble for fighting a crawled ad with some toenail clippers?

Speaker 4:
[112:55] No, I don't. I don't.

Speaker 5:
[112:55] Shit! Sorry.

Speaker 9:
[112:57] Oh, God damn! Fuck!

Speaker 7:
[113:00] Oh, no.

Speaker 5:
[113:01] You're taking this really hard.

Speaker 9:
[113:02] I'm blowing my tour!

Speaker 7:
[113:04] No, Sawyer. Sawyer, you're doing great.

Speaker 9:
[113:07] You're doing great.

Speaker 4:
[113:09] Why are you on tour?

Speaker 9:
[113:12] Plogged Artery, Missouri is my next stop. Okay. All right.

Speaker 4:
[113:18] This is part of your tour?

Speaker 9:
[113:20] Yeah.

Speaker 4:
[113:21] This is our tour.

Speaker 9:
[113:23] My bad. My bad.

Speaker 11:
[113:24] But thanks for having me here on this stop.

Speaker 9:
[113:26] Okay. Hold on. Hold on.

Speaker 11:
[113:29] I'm getting started.

Speaker 4:
[113:29] You're holding. What are you getting?

Speaker 9:
[113:32] Hold on. Oh, have you? Okay.

Speaker 12:
[113:37] Something really good for you in your future.

Speaker 11:
[113:40] I feel it. I feel it.

Speaker 4:
[113:41] So this is not related.

Speaker 12:
[113:42] It's a career endeavor.

Speaker 4:
[113:43] This is not related to a ghost that you're hearing.

Speaker 12:
[113:45] No. No.

Speaker 5:
[113:46] This is now psychic stuff. Yes.

Speaker 12:
[113:48] This is psychic stuff.

Speaker 5:
[113:48] Okay.

Speaker 12:
[113:49] Because I know the difference between psychic and medium.

Speaker 4:
[113:55] But you're a psychic medium, so you do both.

Speaker 11:
[113:57] I do both.

Speaker 12:
[113:59] Back and forth in the same readings.

Speaker 5:
[114:02] What do you got?

Speaker 4:
[114:02] What's my future home?

Speaker 11:
[114:03] Okay. Are you developing a mustard-based barbecue?

Speaker 7:
[114:10] No.

Speaker 4:
[114:10] No.

Speaker 5:
[114:10] I had...

Speaker 7:
[114:16] Come on.

Speaker 9:
[114:16] I'm letting my family down.

Speaker 4:
[114:20] Who's your family?

Speaker 12:
[114:23] Little Junior.

Speaker 5:
[114:24] Oh, right.

Speaker 11:
[114:25] And Senior Junior.

Speaker 12:
[114:27] Okay, Scott, I'm getting something.

Speaker 5:
[114:37] It's those pants again.

Speaker 9:
[114:41] Woo, he's in my feet, Scott!

Speaker 10:
[114:43] See, that's the hubcap tap.

Speaker 5:
[114:45] Do you know any Michael Jackson moves?

Speaker 9:
[114:47] Hee hee!

Speaker 5:
[114:54] Do the lean, do the lean.

Speaker 4:
[114:57] The lean, the smooth criminal. Hee! Hee-hoo!

Speaker 9:
[115:05] Choo-choo!

Speaker 5:
[115:05] Choo-choo!

Speaker 7:
[115:08] Choo-choo!

Speaker 4:
[115:11] I don't remember Michael Jackson doing a trade noise.

Speaker 7:
[115:14] Choo-choo!

Speaker 4:
[115:14] Choo-choo!

Speaker 9:
[115:23] I'm getting something, Scott.

Speaker 5:
[115:26] What do you got?

Speaker 11:
[115:27] Oh, it's health. It's health.

Speaker 5:
[115:30] Health?

Speaker 12:
[115:31] It's health.

Speaker 4:
[115:32] This is a good thing?

Speaker 5:
[115:33] Yes.

Speaker 11:
[115:34] Yes.

Speaker 4:
[115:36] You can get more healthy?

Speaker 12:
[115:41] Do you have an ingrown toenail that looks like Dale Earnhardt Jr.?

Speaker 4:
[115:47] No. Oh, shit.

Speaker 9:
[115:50] Choo-hoo!

Speaker 8:
[116:02] Do the leg. Do the leg.

Speaker 9:
[116:04] Choo!

Speaker 5:
[116:08] What about Shamon?

Speaker 4:
[116:09] You haven't done Shamon once.

Speaker 9:
[116:19] I think I'm having a mental breakdown.

Speaker 5:
[116:21] I think you are.

Speaker 9:
[116:25] 20 minutes into my first public appearance, I'm having a mental breakdown.

Speaker 11:
[116:31] I'm not as strong mentally as I thought I was, Scott.

Speaker 4:
[116:34] I'm sorry, but I mean, hopefully none of your, the people who are bankrolling the show are in the crowd, right?

Speaker 5:
[116:40] I know.

Speaker 11:
[116:40] I know. I hope no titty sardine people are here.

Speaker 9:
[116:46] Oh, they're walking out.

Speaker 4:
[116:48] Oh, no.

Speaker 9:
[116:49] A bunch of huge fish with tits.

Speaker 11:
[116:53] I'm leaving.

Speaker 9:
[116:54] No.

Speaker 7:
[116:55] You gotta respect how they dress like the sardines everywhere they go.

Speaker 9:
[117:01] Scott, did you get married in a fireworks store?

Speaker 12:
[117:04] No.

Speaker 7:
[117:05] Shit.

Speaker 5:
[117:06] This is all things that are specific to your hometown.

Speaker 9:
[117:10] Oh, shit. Okay.

Speaker 12:
[117:16] What's your grandma's name?

Speaker 9:
[117:18] Just give me that.

Speaker 4:
[117:19] Okay.

Speaker 9:
[117:20] Betty. Betty.

Speaker 12:
[117:22] Yes.

Speaker 4:
[117:22] Betty.

Speaker 12:
[117:23] Okay. Okay. Betty says it's fine. Betty says everything's fine. She's fine. Okay?

Speaker 11:
[117:32] She's totally fine.

Speaker 5:
[117:34] She's fine. She's fine.

Speaker 4:
[117:37] Well, I wasn't worried about that.

Speaker 12:
[117:38] She loves you.

Speaker 11:
[117:39] She loves you. She wants you to know that how she died was the way she wanted to die. And she wants you to know to give that little metal boat that's full of corn back to Barbara.

Speaker 9:
[117:55] Give her the boat filled with corn.

Speaker 5:
[118:00] This is... No, you can't just go back to the dancing to try to save this.

Speaker 4:
[118:08] No.

Speaker 5:
[118:09] No. We don't like that.

Speaker 4:
[118:21] Why don't you do someone who has some unfinished business with their parents, Big Chunky Bubbles over here.

Speaker 12:
[118:26] Big Chunky Bubbles.

Speaker 8:
[118:27] That's me. As you may or may not know, my father was shot in the nose by my mother.

Speaker 12:
[118:36] Oh my God.

Speaker 8:
[118:37] And she died in the electric chair.

Speaker 12:
[118:40] Oh no.

Speaker 8:
[118:41] Yes, those two are related.

Speaker 10:
[118:45] Wait, did your father do a really bad hubcap tap?

Speaker 8:
[118:48] If only. He humiliated my mother on the sweeping floor of the hot dog factory.

Speaker 10:
[118:55] That's right. I was backstage. I did hear you.

Speaker 4:
[118:59] That feels like one million years ago.

Speaker 8:
[119:01] Right? Remember when Conan was here?

Speaker 5:
[119:05] Barely.

Speaker 7:
[119:09] We've been going long enough for Scott to watch three or four hentai movies at this point.

Speaker 5:
[119:17] Do BCB because he's got Big Chunky Bubbles.

Speaker 12:
[119:20] Yes, Big Chunky Bubbles.

Speaker 5:
[119:22] I'm sorry. He looked at me like.

Speaker 12:
[119:25] Okay, Big Chunky Bubbles.

Speaker 8:
[119:28] Yeah.

Speaker 12:
[119:31] All right. Your mom is happy.

Speaker 8:
[119:34] What?

Speaker 12:
[119:35] She's happy.

Speaker 10:
[119:36] It's really scary when you say, like, you're fine. She's fine. She's fine. It makes me think she's not.

Speaker 12:
[119:41] You know, she's fine.

Speaker 10:
[119:44] She's not.

Speaker 12:
[119:44] She's totally fine.

Speaker 5:
[119:46] Where is she? She's fine.

Speaker 12:
[119:48] She's in hell, but she's fine.

Speaker 8:
[119:49] What?

Speaker 12:
[119:51] There's a really nice little part of hell that they don't talk about that's actually fine. She's there.

Speaker 1:
[119:59] It's not good.

Speaker 2:
[120:00] It's bad.

Speaker 1:
[120:01] It's bad.

Speaker 2:
[120:01] OK, it's bad. She's burning in hell. It's bad.

Speaker 1:
[120:04] OK, good news.

Speaker 2:
[120:05] Next. Next?

Speaker 1:
[120:07] I hated her.

Speaker 2:
[120:08] OK. Is that helpful? Yes, that's good. I despise my parents and I'm thrilled they're dead. OK, did your dad, I'm getting that he spit in a gator's eye one time? I mean, I wouldn't put it past him. OK. Not that I've ever heard. Well, he wants you to know he's fine. I don't care.

Speaker 3:
[120:31] He's fine.

Speaker 1:
[120:32] I don't care.

Speaker 2:
[120:33] He is fine.

Speaker 3:
[120:35] This is bad news for me.

Speaker 2:
[120:37] He's OK. I don't want to hear this. He's in heaven. No, he shouldn't be. He's in heaven. There's been an error. He said there was a clerical error at the door. At the gates. Oh my God, he admitted it. He admitted it. He admitted it.

Speaker 3:
[120:59] He's happy.

Speaker 2:
[121:01] I hate this.

Speaker 3:
[121:03] Don't try to save this.

Speaker 2:
[121:13] Don't try to save this with the biggest dance of them all to close out this show. All right, that's our show, everyone. Thank you, and Charlotte, we love you.

Speaker 1:
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