transcript

Speaker 1:
[00:00] So you're saying with Hilton Honors, I can use points for a free night stay anywhere? Anywhere. What about fancy places like the Canopy in Paris? Yeah, Hilton Honors, baby. Or relaxing sanctuaries like the Conrad and Tulum?

Speaker 2:
[00:13] Hilton Honors, baby.

Speaker 1:
[00:15] What about the five-star Waldorf Astoria in the Maldives? Are you gonna do this for all 9,000 properties?

Speaker 3:
[00:22] When you want points that can take you anywhere, anytime, it matters where you stay. Hilton, for the stay. Book your spring break now.

Speaker 4:
[00:41] Brett claims she told me that she was going to Korea. You never told me you were going to Korea.

Speaker 5:
[00:46] I'm really sorry, I really thought I did.

Speaker 4:
[00:48] I'm so jealous. You know Brett's going to Korea? I've never heard of this.

Speaker 5:
[00:52] That's so cool.

Speaker 4:
[00:52] See, thank you.

Speaker 5:
[00:53] I'm really excited. You said it to me.

Speaker 4:
[00:55] Hell yeah.

Speaker 5:
[00:56] What? If I told Manny, I had to have told you too.

Speaker 4:
[00:59] Are you excited?

Speaker 5:
[01:00] I'm really excited, but I'm a little bit anxious because it's like I have to go home first, and then to Korea, and then straight to Austin. So it's just like a little bit much. But you know what? You do that shit all the time. And if you can do it, I can do it.

Speaker 4:
[01:12] I can barely do it.

Speaker 5:
[01:13] I know. But if you can barely do it, I can do it.

Speaker 4:
[01:17] Yeah. Facts. Have you been Googling stuff you want to do?

Speaker 5:
[01:23] Yeah. We've been looking, because we have two free nights.

Speaker 4:
[01:26] You're going with Hannah?

Speaker 5:
[01:26] Yeah. My sister's coming. And so on those free nights, we want to go to good restaurants, and we're going to... Wait, you're going to die. 90-minute Korean head spot treatment.

Speaker 4:
[01:35] Mm-hmm.

Speaker 5:
[01:36] And color analysis.

Speaker 4:
[01:38] Oh!

Speaker 5:
[01:39] I'm going to get my colors done, so I'm going to officially know my season, because I never fully know. I definitely know blue is in there, but I don't know what it is.

Speaker 4:
[01:46] What would you think mine is?

Speaker 5:
[01:49] I feel like you look good in... I don't know, actually. Black. I think black is definitely in yours.

Speaker 4:
[01:55] Really?

Speaker 5:
[01:56] And green, because green brings out your eyes.

Speaker 4:
[01:59] I always get compliments in green.

Speaker 5:
[02:00] Yeah.

Speaker 4:
[02:01] What do you think yours is?

Speaker 5:
[02:03] I mean, blue has to be in there. But then, remember, randomly, senior year, I discovered I looked good in orange.

Speaker 4:
[02:08] Yellow.

Speaker 5:
[02:09] Yellow and orange.

Speaker 4:
[02:10] I mean, orange is the color of the summer.

Speaker 5:
[02:11] Yeah.

Speaker 4:
[02:12] Do you think I said that too prematurely?

Speaker 5:
[02:13] No. I think you kind of have to claim stuff now.

Speaker 4:
[02:17] Okay.

Speaker 5:
[02:17] Like in April.

Speaker 4:
[02:18] I'm claiming that orange is the color of the summer.

Speaker 5:
[02:22] Hell yeah.

Speaker 4:
[02:23] I'm claiming it.

Speaker 5:
[02:24] Yeah, it definitely is up there, because I got orange little jelly slides gifted for summer. Yeah. And that was after you said it.

Speaker 4:
[02:33] Well, you heard it here first.

Speaker 5:
[02:35] Just saying.

Speaker 4:
[02:36] Are you watching Imperfect Women? No.

Speaker 5:
[02:39] Are you?

Speaker 4:
[02:40] I started it, but I got a Benadryl IV, so I clonked.

Speaker 5:
[02:43] So it's like so up my alley. I just don't think, because I've been like so in the world of the pit.

Speaker 4:
[02:50] Girl, you work at that hospital.

Speaker 5:
[02:54] No, like I am right there with Dr. Robbie.

Speaker 4:
[02:57] You work at that hospital. Brad, I've never seen you feel this way about a show.

Speaker 5:
[03:02] No, I feel so passionately about it, and it's just this season. Like, it's not, I like it a lot, but a lot of people don't like it as much as the first season, but like some people are being like too harsh. But I'm really upset because my favorite doctor is being like written off season three, which like is really upsetting. Dr. Mohan is her name.

Speaker 4:
[03:22] There is a real, real pit fandom.

Speaker 5:
[03:26] Big, yeah.

Speaker 4:
[03:27] So it's like a community.

Speaker 5:
[03:28] But it is, but like it's like I'm on pit Twitter. But some people take it too far.

Speaker 4:
[03:33] What do you mean?

Speaker 5:
[03:34] Some people like there's this article that came out and it was like, maybe I forget what a publication, but it was I don't know if it was legit one, but it was like the pit fans, the pit super fans are proving that like you can be bad at watching TV. Like basically like they're saying that there, there's like they're shipping like Dr. Robbie, the main guy with this like other male Dr. Whitaker when like, it's just like.

Speaker 4:
[03:58] I'm Whitaker.

Speaker 5:
[03:59] Yeah, yeah, Whitaker is the one people think you look like.

Speaker 4:
[04:02] Yeah.

Speaker 5:
[04:02] But I can't judge because I'm a heavy shipper of Mel Langdon.

Speaker 4:
[04:07] What's that?

Speaker 5:
[04:07] Which is Dr. Mel. Do you watch? Do you agree or no? I disagree. Oh, okay. I mean, I see it more as like a father daughter. No, they're flirting. They flirt. You think? Yep, yep. Dr. Mel King and Dr. Frank Langdon. And I love Dr. Langdon. A lot of people don't, and I understand.

Speaker 4:
[04:28] Who does Noah play?

Speaker 5:
[04:29] Dr. Robbie.

Speaker 4:
[04:30] Got it.

Speaker 5:
[04:31] He's like main guy.

Speaker 4:
[04:32] And he's on for season three.

Speaker 5:
[04:33] And Dr. Ahashimi. Love her down.

Speaker 4:
[04:36] Okay.

Speaker 5:
[04:36] She's new in season two. It's just like, I just love the show so much.

Speaker 4:
[04:40] You know what else you love? Is it The Stranger?

Speaker 5:
[04:43] Oh, Strangers. Strangers by Bell Burden.

Speaker 4:
[04:46] Yeah.

Speaker 5:
[04:47] Yes. Let's talk about it.

Speaker 4:
[04:49] Okay, because I got through one chapter, and then Coachella happened, so I'm sorry, but I couldn't get through. And then Fame Sick came out by Lena Dunham, so I'm, I actually, I have to read it.

Speaker 5:
[04:58] I want to read it after you.

Speaker 4:
[05:00] It was like making me feel, I was like, oh my god, this thing that I want.

Speaker 5:
[05:06] Yeah.

Speaker 4:
[05:06] It is so not it. Like she's like, she writes and she's like, my name.

Speaker 5:
[05:11] Is it about like her not wanting to be famous or what?

Speaker 4:
[05:14] There's so much more like nuance to it. Like the way she introduces it is like, she talks about how she was given her name and the name then became something outside of her, kind of in a very Taylor Swift way. And it's like, and it became, and then she ends with, and then it became a punchline. And then, so the book is about, she has dealt with a lot of health issues, right? As sort of her name became like, as she became famous. Yeah. And so her body kind of co-in, like her body's health kind of co-incided with this, this like fame.

Speaker 5:
[05:50] Yeah.

Speaker 4:
[05:51] So I think that's why it's called Fame Sick.

Speaker 5:
[05:52] That's very profound. Oh, wow.

Speaker 4:
[05:54] And I started reading it last night and it's great. She just is, I mean, she is the voice of our generation.

Speaker 5:
[05:59] She's so talented.

Speaker 4:
[06:01] And so I'm going to read that. I'm really, really excited about it. I'm going to read it on the plane tonight.

Speaker 5:
[06:05] Oh, I keep forgetting you're leaving.

Speaker 4:
[06:06] I know, but then I'm going to read Strangers because I was-

Speaker 5:
[06:09] Strangers is also just such a quick read. Like I got through it in a day.

Speaker 4:
[06:12] So can you tell me, you said you believe everyone should read that book.

Speaker 5:
[06:17] I think everyone, especially every young woman, every woman period, especially young woman, whether you're in a relationship or not, because I think it is such an important lesson of like so many girls, they, and this isn't anyone's fault in particular, but I feel like so many young women, like they view like marriage and like whatever, like a husband as like a finish line and whatever. And like, while it's great to have that partnership in life, like you truly never know, like down the line 10, 20 years, like what's going to happen. And I think that it's just like a really good lesson for girls to read and to like understand. And I really admire Belle for being so like vulnerable and telling her story, because also it's like this stuff happens to so many women and like no one really talks about it, because there's this weird shame around like your husband, you know, leaving you that like people don't really talk about as much.

Speaker 4:
[07:15] I mean, you cried.

Speaker 5:
[07:16] I cried multiple times, especially at the end. I was like, holy fuck.

Speaker 4:
[07:20] Okay, I'm really excited to read. I think I'm in my reading era.

Speaker 5:
[07:23] And it's being turned into a movie and Gwyneth is going to play Belle.

Speaker 4:
[07:26] Done.

Speaker 5:
[07:27] Yeah, sick.

Speaker 4:
[07:28] Gwyneth can act down.

Speaker 5:
[07:29] Yeah. And honestly, she doesn't do it enough anymore.

Speaker 4:
[07:32] I think she's just like she does it when she wants to. And then Gwyneth is like always that girl for me.

Speaker 5:
[07:36] Because she's like, yeah, because she, duh, I mean Queen. She lives in Santa Barbara.

Speaker 4:
[07:42] Gwyneth is your North Star.

Speaker 5:
[07:44] Yeah, I'm obsessed with her. I'm obsessed with her.

Speaker 4:
[07:47] Like that is your North Star.

Speaker 5:
[07:49] Like her and like talented Mr. Ripley. I'm like, yeah.

Speaker 4:
[07:52] I've never seen.

Speaker 5:
[07:53] Oh, you should watch. And it's young Matt Damon. So like it's giving Max.

Speaker 4:
[07:56] There's a lot. There's a lot of Max does look like him. Have you ever seen it? He does.

Speaker 5:
[08:01] One of his hinge prompts was that award I'd win is Wal-Mart. Matt Damon look alike.

Speaker 4:
[08:07] So underrated you guys met on hinge.

Speaker 5:
[08:09] Beyond. And I love talking about it. I hate when people are like, well, I try to like do mental gymnastics about like, well, we met on hinge, but like, but no, you met on here. You met on hinge and like, yeah, period.

Speaker 4:
[08:21] End of story.

Speaker 5:
[08:22] Yeah.

Speaker 4:
[08:22] I just went to Coachella and you had the time. You infamously hate Coachella.

Speaker 5:
[08:26] Yes.

Speaker 4:
[08:27] I actually think if there is an artist that you would like to see, if you have a simple way of getting in and out, and you just see that artist, you will have a magical, wonderful, beautiful time. There is a certain, like, ethereal feeling to seeing an artist as the desert wind is like blowing in your hair.

Speaker 5:
[08:50] Yeah.

Speaker 4:
[08:51] And your look, it's music festivals are like God's gift to this green earth. If you do them the way that your body and your mind wants to.

Speaker 5:
[09:00] So that's my thing. It's like, I don't disagree. It's just like, I love you all down, but like how you guys do Coachella is not my dirty.

Speaker 4:
[09:10] Right.

Speaker 5:
[09:11] I don't want to be out till 6 a.m. Right. And like, that's just me. So like, if there was at least one other person there. Max. Yeah. Yeah. But like, maybe, maybe in the future, I'm like, never say never.

Speaker 4:
[09:24] I just like, I mean, quite literally.

Speaker 5:
[09:29] Honey. But if there were a year that like, I mean, I would have loved to see both Sabrina and Justin. I just was like, I just know it's not my journey.

Speaker 4:
[09:37] Yeah.

Speaker 5:
[09:38] But I don't disagree with you. I don't.

Speaker 4:
[09:40] It's very cool to see them like, oh, it's like, oh my God.

Speaker 5:
[09:42] Yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 4:
[09:44] What are you doing in Austin again?

Speaker 5:
[09:46] Run Club.

Speaker 4:
[09:47] Oh, jealous. Yeah. Oh, well, I've been doing five case.

Speaker 5:
[09:50] Yeah, you have.

Speaker 4:
[09:50] And they make me feel amazing. You really set my day up for like a beautiful day.

Speaker 5:
[09:54] You should run at my New York one.

Speaker 4:
[09:56] When is it?

Speaker 5:
[09:57] May 30th.

Speaker 4:
[09:58] I'll be there. Yep. Wait, I'll be there. Oh my God. That will be so fun.

Speaker 5:
[10:02] Yeah.

Speaker 4:
[10:03] That'll be so fucking fun.

Speaker 5:
[10:04] It's gonna be fun. I don't know if I can say where we're doing it in this, but it's gonna be a sick location.

Speaker 4:
[10:10] Oh my God. I'm so excited. That's gonna be amazing. Oh my God.

Speaker 5:
[10:12] And I've never done it.

Speaker 4:
[10:13] The biters are gonna show up.

Speaker 5:
[10:15] I know. I think the turnout's gonna be awesome.

Speaker 4:
[10:17] Oh, and a pop-up bagel after? Yep. Pop-up. Can they bring back your schmear?

Speaker 5:
[10:22] I know. They really should, especially because they're opening in Chicago tomorrow.

Speaker 4:
[10:24] Would you call it a schmear or butter?

Speaker 5:
[10:25] It's a butter.

Speaker 4:
[10:26] Sorry.

Speaker 5:
[10:26] It's okay. But they open in Chicago tomorrow.

Speaker 4:
[10:31] We need the dessert bowl butter brought back. That shit rocked my world.

Speaker 5:
[10:35] It was really good. It is really good.

Speaker 4:
[10:38] It really rocked my world.

Speaker 5:
[10:39] Yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 4:
[10:40] What should we do for the rest of the day?

Speaker 5:
[10:42] I don't know. I literally bricked my phone, so I would like stop scrolling because.

Speaker 4:
[10:46] My thing is if I read right now during the day, I will fall asleep and I can't do that.

Speaker 5:
[10:50] Yeah.

Speaker 4:
[10:51] It really puts me to bed.

Speaker 5:
[10:52] Yeah. I know. But isn't that nice?

Speaker 4:
[10:55] Yeah.

Speaker 5:
[10:56] Or do you not like it?

Speaker 4:
[10:57] My struggle with reading is my OCD, and it makes me reread certain lines, and it's so hard.

Speaker 5:
[11:02] Oh, that is hard.

Speaker 4:
[11:03] It really fucks my shit up and makes reading so much more difficult for me. So I'm really trying to push past it.

Speaker 5:
[11:08] Yeah, because it's so good for you.

Speaker 4:
[11:10] It is so good for me. But I think also when I was reading Fame Sick, I was getting a little bit of anxiety just because this thing that I've glamorized in my head so much really isn't all that glamorous. And Lena Dunham writes about it in such a profound way that it's undeniably non-glamorous. And I think it was just, it was making me feel like, what are my values? Like, what do I want? What do I... Wow. You know, and so I'm like anxious to read it, but I know I have to because she speaks genuine truth. Yeah.

Speaker 5:
[11:42] That's deep.

Speaker 4:
[11:43] I'm very hungry.

Speaker 5:
[11:45] What are you gonna have? I had my taquitos yesterday.

Speaker 4:
[11:47] I was fucking gonna ask if you had your taquitos, I was gonna have them.

Speaker 5:
[11:50] I think I had them yesterday.

Speaker 4:
[11:52] Chipotle before flight? No. No.

Speaker 5:
[11:54] No.

Speaker 4:
[11:56] Sounds awesome. I know, dude. But I, okay.

Speaker 5:
[11:58] You always regret it.

Speaker 4:
[11:59] Yeah, I, oh, wait, you know, Cassidy eats chipotle in silence. Do you know this? Like she'll be like, oh, I just, like she'll sit down somewhere and we'll be like, what'd you do today? She'll be like, I had chipotle. When I have chipotle, I tell everyone.

Speaker 5:
[12:11] You do. You always make it a thing.

Speaker 4:
[12:13] Yes, it's like it is a thing.

Speaker 5:
[12:15] It is.

Speaker 4:
[12:16] You tell everyone, having chipotle is a thing. You're like, I had chipotle today.

Speaker 5:
[12:20] Yeah, you're right.

Speaker 4:
[12:21] And Cassidy like does it in silence.

Speaker 5:
[12:24] That's kind of crazy.

Speaker 4:
[12:25] It's crazy. Very Gemini of her. Wow. To have chipotle in silence. I always, if I'm having chipotle, I am having chipotle.

Speaker 5:
[12:32] Yeah. You always like sit down and make a video.

Speaker 4:
[12:34] I need a support system when I'm having chipotle. I really do. Tonight, we have on Ben Marshall from SNL, who is just incredible and so funny, and it was such a fun episode to film, and I'm so excited for you guys to see it because he is the best, and he is best friends with Paul Briganti.

Speaker 5:
[12:54] Love. Yes.

Speaker 4:
[12:55] Which is how we got connected. So thank you, Paul.

Speaker 5:
[12:59] Okay.

Speaker 4:
[12:59] Well, I love you, Bee.

Speaker 5:
[13:00] Love you so much. Bye, pussies.

Speaker 4:
[13:02] Enjoy the episode. Love you, pussies. Hi, pussies. Welcome back to Therapuss. Today we have on SNL cast member Ben Marshall. Hello. Hi, Ben.

Speaker 6:
[13:15] Thanks for having me.

Speaker 4:
[13:16] You're welcome. You're looking fitted up.

Speaker 6:
[13:18] Whoa. Thanks, Jake.

Speaker 4:
[13:19] Did you get styled for this?

Speaker 6:
[13:20] No. These are my own clothes.

Speaker 4:
[13:23] Stop it.

Speaker 6:
[13:23] Do you get styled for your pods?

Speaker 4:
[13:25] No, never. But I mean, do you see? Fitted.

Speaker 6:
[13:29] Thanks, guys.

Speaker 4:
[13:30] Do you love fashion?

Speaker 6:
[13:32] I like fashion. Yeah. I feel like I've been getting more into it. My friend who works at Nike sent me these shoes.

Speaker 4:
[13:40] Hi, I want them.

Speaker 6:
[13:41] Little diapers.

Speaker 4:
[13:42] They, okay. Well, you can't say that.

Speaker 6:
[13:44] I got the diaper 3000s on.

Speaker 4:
[13:47] Wait, are they released yet?

Speaker 6:
[13:48] We're probably the same size, right?

Speaker 4:
[13:50] What size are your feet?

Speaker 6:
[13:51] Thirteen.

Speaker 4:
[13:52] No, you are not the same size.

Speaker 6:
[13:55] What are yours?

Speaker 4:
[13:56] Eight and a half.

Speaker 6:
[13:57] That's better than I thought.

Speaker 4:
[13:59] Thirteen? Yeah. Is it hard to find shoes?

Speaker 6:
[14:03] No, thirteen is kind of the cutoff. After that, it gets hard.

Speaker 4:
[14:07] Are you like a solid thirteen, or have you ever been like these thirteens don't fit me?

Speaker 6:
[14:11] No, I'm a solid. Well, I mean, sometimes I'm fourteen.

Speaker 4:
[14:15] Really?

Speaker 6:
[14:15] Is that what you mean?

Speaker 4:
[14:17] Yes.

Speaker 6:
[14:18] I'll talk about whatever. I'm an open book.

Speaker 4:
[14:20] Oh, really?

Speaker 6:
[14:21] Yeah.

Speaker 4:
[14:21] Okay. So you came to New York for college.

Speaker 6:
[14:25] Yes.

Speaker 4:
[14:25] From Savannah.

Speaker 6:
[14:26] Yeah. So you're from Georgia. Sorry, can we pick this up? Jake wouldn't let us talk before this started.

Speaker 4:
[14:31] Well, I just wanted to save it.

Speaker 5:
[14:33] I am from Georgia. I'm from Atlanta.

Speaker 6:
[14:35] Savannah.

Speaker 5:
[14:36] But my sister went to SCAD.

Speaker 6:
[14:37] Oh, really?

Speaker 5:
[14:37] So I spent a lot of time there.

Speaker 6:
[14:39] My high school was like SCAD's high school, Savannah Arts Academy.

Speaker 5:
[14:42] Did you ever consider going there?

Speaker 6:
[14:43] No, I wanted to get far away from Savannah, unfortunately, but I love it now.

Speaker 4:
[14:48] What's your favorite?

Speaker 6:
[14:49] What?

Speaker 4:
[14:51] What's your favorite thing about the South?

Speaker 6:
[14:54] It's a very slow pace. I like that. I like the warm weather.

Speaker 4:
[14:58] You do like that? You work at SNL.

Speaker 6:
[15:00] Yeah, but I guess I like to take a break and do that. But then after a few days, I do start to lose my mind.

Speaker 4:
[15:05] Okay, right.

Speaker 6:
[15:06] Yeah.

Speaker 4:
[15:06] Do you live alone?

Speaker 6:
[15:08] I do.

Speaker 4:
[15:09] You do?

Speaker 6:
[15:09] Yeah.

Speaker 4:
[15:10] Do you like living alone?

Speaker 6:
[15:13] Is this how it always is? It is. Okay.

Speaker 4:
[15:19] What did you think this was going to be like?

Speaker 6:
[15:21] I listened to Marcella's episode.

Speaker 4:
[15:23] Oh, you listened to Marcella's episode. Okay.

Speaker 6:
[15:25] Yeah. And I'm also here to promote Marcella's stand-up special.

Speaker 4:
[15:28] You are?

Speaker 6:
[15:28] Yeah. Check it out. American Boy, streaming on Netflix. One shirt, six shows, one shirt.

Speaker 4:
[15:36] Yes. Do you remember that? One shirt, six shows. That is really crazy.

Speaker 6:
[15:40] Yeah.

Speaker 4:
[15:41] Would you ever do a stand-up special?

Speaker 6:
[15:43] I don't really do stand-up.

Speaker 4:
[15:44] Neither do I.

Speaker 6:
[15:45] Don't you? Didn't you start?

Speaker 4:
[15:47] No.

Speaker 6:
[15:47] What were you guys talking about? You're doing a live show.

Speaker 4:
[15:49] I do like a live show, but I wouldn't offend stand-ups like that.

Speaker 6:
[15:55] What do you do? Do you bring people on and interview them?

Speaker 4:
[15:57] No. I talk about myself.

Speaker 6:
[15:59] So stand-up?

Speaker 4:
[16:00] But it's like not stand-up.

Speaker 6:
[16:02] Right. You're on stage with microphones, just you.

Speaker 4:
[16:05] Well, honestly, I've been seeing some videos from tour, and it's like, I can't believe you let me do that. I can't believe you.

Speaker 6:
[16:14] It's really hard to watch yourself live.

Speaker 4:
[16:17] It's a little different with me. Like, I used to get... What would I do?

Speaker 5:
[16:21] I think you need to tell Ben about how you made everyone...

Speaker 4:
[16:24] Oh, I'm not ashamed of this. I would make everybody... I would make everybody... Like, one of my actual favorite bits was that I would make everybody... Because when I go on the red carpet, no one knows who I am, so they take one photo and keep it moving. And I would make the whole audience put their flash on and take photos of me as I walked up and down the stage. And I would make them do it twice. I call it last looks.

Speaker 6:
[16:52] Interesting. Is that so you could just get it out of the way so people don't have their phones out? No. No, you just wanted...

Speaker 4:
[16:58] I was in Houston and I was like, you know what would be fun? You guys, cause you don't do stand up, but sometimes during a live show when you're really, you feel it with the crowd, you can kind of just be like, fuck around a bit. And I was like, what if you guys all took photos of me right now?

Speaker 6:
[17:15] Totally.

Speaker 4:
[17:15] And they were all like, yes! And it worked.

Speaker 6:
[17:18] I feel like I've done that. I do an improv show with Mike Perviglia and the other guys in Please Don't Destroy. And we tell people that you can only post a photo if you say it's the greatest improv show you've ever seen.

Speaker 4:
[17:31] And do they listen?

Speaker 6:
[17:32] It's usually not.

Speaker 4:
[17:33] I want to see you do improv.

Speaker 6:
[17:35] Do you ever do improv?

Speaker 4:
[17:36] Well, no, but I'm not bad at it.

Speaker 6:
[17:39] I don't think you would be.

Speaker 4:
[17:41] I'm like pretty good at it.

Speaker 6:
[17:42] Yeah.

Speaker 4:
[17:42] What's like an improv game that you play?

Speaker 6:
[17:44] No games.

Speaker 4:
[17:46] So how do you improv?

Speaker 6:
[17:47] Like scenes, like long form. It's so nerdy. We ask if anyone has any like real gossip that they're going through in their life, and then we improvise based on that.

Speaker 4:
[17:57] Oh my God, what? This would be my bread and fucking butter.

Speaker 6:
[18:00] Yeah, you should do it.

Speaker 4:
[18:01] What? I want to do this.

Speaker 6:
[18:03] Do it whenever.

Speaker 4:
[18:04] Really?

Speaker 6:
[18:04] Yeah.

Speaker 4:
[18:05] Are you lying?

Speaker 6:
[18:06] No. You should absolutely do it. I don't know. It's on Mondays, monthly at UCB.

Speaker 4:
[18:12] Okay.

Speaker 6:
[18:13] How old are you?

Speaker 4:
[18:16] Guess.

Speaker 6:
[18:18] I actually think I know.

Speaker 4:
[18:20] How old are you?

Speaker 6:
[18:20] 26.

Speaker 4:
[18:22] Yes.

Speaker 6:
[18:23] Wow.

Speaker 4:
[18:24] And I'm happy I didn't drag that, like I normally drag it.

Speaker 6:
[18:27] What do you mean?

Speaker 4:
[18:28] So, I'm normally like, yes, then I go on this whole thing. So, I'm happy I just let that one go. But yes, I'm 26.

Speaker 6:
[18:37] That's really young. You have your whole life ahead of you. I'm 30.

Speaker 4:
[18:41] I know. You don't look 30, by the way.

Speaker 6:
[18:43] Don't go. I know.

Speaker 4:
[18:45] You really don't. Do you get anything done?

Speaker 6:
[18:48] No.

Speaker 4:
[18:49] I just got neck botox for the first time.

Speaker 6:
[18:51] Did you really?

Speaker 4:
[18:52] Yeah. And yes.

Speaker 6:
[18:54] Wait, what does that do?

Speaker 4:
[18:56] It's a masseter. So, they do it here, here, and they squeeze your veins and do it. So, I can't really go like this.

Speaker 6:
[19:06] Yeah. Wow. Why did you feel like you wanted to do that?

Speaker 4:
[19:10] Because Louise was like, do you want to come get an Aqua Gold facial with me? And so, I was like, wow, she's like, it's amazing. Your skin is glowing. And by the way, my skin is glowing.

Speaker 6:
[19:19] You look great.

Speaker 4:
[19:19] Thank you. And so, I got the Aqua Gold facial. And then, I was like, wait, let me just like, while I have you guys, like ask you about this, like thing that I've been wondering, like, you know, I feel a little insecure about my chin, like my jaw. And they're like, well, we do have masseter Botox here.

Speaker 6:
[19:33] Wow.

Speaker 4:
[19:34] And I was like-

Speaker 6:
[19:34] That day, they just did it?

Speaker 4:
[19:36] Five seconds later.

Speaker 6:
[19:37] No way.

Speaker 4:
[19:37] In my neck.

Speaker 6:
[19:38] Okay. I would do that.

Speaker 4:
[19:40] It was free. It was her friend from college, a Peppa.

Speaker 6:
[19:44] Connect me.

Speaker 4:
[19:45] Do you want to go together?

Speaker 6:
[19:46] Let's do it.

Speaker 4:
[19:47] You're not going to get Botox with me.

Speaker 6:
[19:48] Wait, your team asked me if I had some special place that I wanted to record this episode, like a restaurant or a bar that I like or something.

Speaker 4:
[19:56] We wanted to make it special.

Speaker 6:
[19:57] And then I proposed that we go play basketball together.

Speaker 4:
[20:02] Why would you propose that?

Speaker 6:
[20:03] This didn't even make it to your desk.

Speaker 4:
[20:06] No.

Speaker 6:
[20:06] You didn't even hear about this?

Speaker 4:
[20:07] Did you guys just shut that down?

Speaker 5:
[20:09] Were you going to go to a basketball court?

Speaker 4:
[20:13] Yeah, I probably would have.

Speaker 6:
[20:14] I think that would have been a really fun, unique episode. We're playing basketball with all my friends.

Speaker 4:
[20:19] Who are all your friends?

Speaker 6:
[20:21] A lot of people currently on SNL play basketball. So I play with Tommy Brennan. I play with Cam. Where did we meet?

Speaker 4:
[20:28] We met.

Speaker 6:
[20:29] At an after party?

Speaker 4:
[20:30] At Glenn's after party.

Speaker 6:
[20:33] Yeah.

Speaker 4:
[20:34] Right?

Speaker 6:
[20:34] I think so.

Speaker 4:
[20:35] And I said, you know Paul.

Speaker 6:
[20:37] Yeah. Were you with Tate McRae?

Speaker 4:
[20:39] I was.

Speaker 6:
[20:40] Yeah. I remember that.

Speaker 4:
[20:41] And we came up to your guys' table. Said hi.

Speaker 6:
[20:44] Am I doing a really bad job on this podcast?

Speaker 4:
[20:47] No, this is fun. Are you guys having fun?

Speaker 6:
[20:50] Okay. Okay. Okay.

Speaker 4:
[20:52] Like, do you feel weird that they're sitting on the floor?

Speaker 6:
[20:55] No.

Speaker 4:
[20:55] I've been sitting in the shower lately.

Speaker 6:
[20:57] Have you?

Speaker 4:
[20:58] Yeah.

Speaker 6:
[20:58] That's really sad.

Speaker 4:
[21:00] Really? I laid down in the shower last night. Laid down. Yeah.

Speaker 6:
[21:05] I've never heard of anyone doing that. Unless they're severely, severely depressed.

Speaker 4:
[21:10] I don't think I'm severely, severely depressed anymore. Am I?

Speaker 6:
[21:14] You're laying down in the shower.

Speaker 4:
[21:16] Yeah, because the water pressure feels so good.

Speaker 6:
[21:19] Okay.

Speaker 4:
[21:19] And I'm listening to Ariana Grande.

Speaker 6:
[21:21] Okay. So you're having fun.

Speaker 4:
[21:22] You listen to Ariana Grande?

Speaker 6:
[21:24] I love Ariana Grande.

Speaker 4:
[21:25] Do you really? Yeah. What's your favorite Ariana Grande song?

Speaker 6:
[21:28] Thank you. Next.

Speaker 4:
[21:29] Classic.

Speaker 6:
[21:30] Classic.

Speaker 4:
[21:30] What type of music do you listen to?

Speaker 6:
[21:34] I feel like you're getting frustrated with me.

Speaker 4:
[21:35] No, I'm not. What type of music do you listen to?

Speaker 6:
[21:41] I listen to broad spectrum of music. I was very excited when Geese got on the show. I know classic quirky white boy behavior.

Speaker 4:
[21:52] But yeah, I like that one song.

Speaker 6:
[21:54] Which one?

Speaker 4:
[21:55] Taxis.

Speaker 6:
[21:56] Great. Great.

Speaker 4:
[21:57] I know you weren't expecting me to name a song.

Speaker 6:
[21:59] No, I was.

Speaker 4:
[22:00] Okay.

Speaker 6:
[22:01] I don't know. What kind of music do you listen to?

Speaker 4:
[22:04] Pop.

Speaker 6:
[22:05] Pop. I love pop.

Speaker 4:
[22:06] And like singer-songwriters. So anyone that writes their own music, like I will, like I've listened to Radiohead recently.

Speaker 6:
[22:14] Cool.

Speaker 4:
[22:15] I know. I know.

Speaker 6:
[22:18] You're really proud of yourself.

Speaker 4:
[22:19] Yeah.

Speaker 6:
[22:20] That's cool. Yeah. I've been listening to the new Harry Styles album. I like it a lot.

Speaker 4:
[22:24] Whom You Just Kissed.

Speaker 6:
[22:25] Yeah.

Speaker 4:
[22:26] How was that?

Speaker 6:
[22:27] Did you listen to the album?

Speaker 4:
[22:28] Yeah, I did.

Speaker 6:
[22:31] Keep that old thing, please.

Speaker 4:
[22:36] I just haven't had the time. It's okay.

Speaker 6:
[22:38] It's okay. You're not expected. You don't have to do everything all the time, Jake.

Speaker 4:
[22:42] I'm sorry.

Speaker 6:
[22:43] You're on Broadway. You have a hit podcast. You're 26. You just got a new apartment in New York. You're wearing a cool watch. You have a lot going on.

Speaker 4:
[22:56] Do you know what I realized last night?

Speaker 6:
[22:57] What?

Speaker 4:
[22:59] When you're an adult, things just happen to you. And then like two days later, you realize that they happened, and you're like, holy shit, I can't believe that happened.

Speaker 6:
[23:08] Give me an example.

Speaker 4:
[23:09] Like I got ghosted.

Speaker 6:
[23:10] Right.

Speaker 4:
[23:11] While I was filming a short. And so like, I couldn't really like give it the attention it deserved as I was filming the short. And then right as the short was wrapping, this one, this background actor named Joy grew her own weed. She's like 70 or 80. She had like this backpack. She was pulling out weed. Like I'm not kidding. Can someone grab me my phone? Like I need to show you a visual on Joy.

Speaker 6:
[23:33] Okay. So you got ghosted. You're doing short. Joy's there.

Speaker 4:
[23:36] So I finished my final scene for the short.

Speaker 6:
[23:38] Yeah.

Speaker 4:
[23:38] So I'm like, you know what? I'm going to smoke Joy's joint.

Speaker 6:
[23:41] Totally.

Speaker 4:
[23:41] So I go outside and I'm like, Joy, I'm going to go smoke your joint. She goes, okay, only take two hits. Like this is the tsunami. And I said, okay, like whatever. So I go outside and I hit it like four or five or six times. So I smoked and then I rea- It's the dumbest fucking story ever and it means nothing.

Speaker 6:
[23:59] What happened? You got too high?

Speaker 4:
[24:00] No, I got high and I realized, oh my God, when you're an adult, you really don't process things for days. Like as a kid, like you process things in the moment. And I am processed that I got ghosted for two days. Then when I processed it, I was like, this is really sad.

Speaker 6:
[24:13] Yeah, it's like a delayed, like you know when you work out and then sometimes you're not sore the next day, but you're sore the day after.

Speaker 4:
[24:20] Yeah, do you work out?

Speaker 6:
[24:20] It's like that. I do.

Speaker 4:
[24:23] What's your favorite workout?

Speaker 6:
[24:26] I don't know, playing basketball probably, which is why I wanted to take you to play.

Speaker 4:
[24:30] I mean, I will go with you to play.

Speaker 6:
[24:31] Let's do it.

Speaker 4:
[24:32] Okay.

Speaker 6:
[24:33] So you live in LA now?

Speaker 4:
[24:35] I live both in LA and here.

Speaker 6:
[24:37] Wow. Look at you. You're doing it.

Speaker 4:
[24:40] I'm trying.

Speaker 6:
[24:41] Proud of you.

Speaker 4:
[24:41] Thank you. Are you?

Speaker 6:
[24:43] I really am.

Speaker 4:
[24:44] Okay.

Speaker 6:
[24:45] I feel like you're in such a fun, exciting place in your life.

Speaker 4:
[24:48] Oh, it doesn't feel that way.

Speaker 6:
[24:50] It doesn't?

Speaker 4:
[24:50] No.

Speaker 6:
[24:51] You're 26. When I was 26, man.

Speaker 4:
[24:55] You were doing Please Don't Destroy on SNL.

Speaker 6:
[24:57] Yeah. I had just gotten hired. It was like the best, and I was having so much fun. And everything was like, I don't know, I feel like 26 was just a fun time.

Speaker 4:
[25:08] So what are you therapist about today?

Speaker 6:
[25:10] What am I therapist about?

Speaker 4:
[25:12] Yeah.

Speaker 6:
[25:13] Honestly, being old.

Speaker 4:
[25:15] You're not old.

Speaker 6:
[25:16] No, no, but feeling old. I'm like, I was just thinking about the pandemic being six years ago. And it made me so upset. I'm feeling old. I have sisters who are still in high school, half sisters.

Speaker 4:
[25:28] Okay.

Speaker 6:
[25:28] And I was just hanging out with them in Savannah, Georgia, where I'm from.

Speaker 4:
[25:30] Do they think you're so cool?

Speaker 6:
[25:32] No.

Speaker 4:
[25:33] What?

Speaker 6:
[25:34] I mean, maybe, I don't know.

Speaker 4:
[25:35] They definitely do.

Speaker 6:
[25:36] I think they like it. It's fun, but they're also like, like they think I'm Unc, and I'm chopped. And you know.

Speaker 4:
[25:47] What does that even mean? What is that? Is that what people say when they're old?

Speaker 6:
[25:51] They're like, six, seven, Unc is chopped.

Speaker 4:
[25:54] Well, you know, there's a new one.

Speaker 6:
[25:56] What?

Speaker 4:
[25:56] 41.

Speaker 6:
[25:57] What's that?

Speaker 4:
[25:59] That's not new. Why do you know about that?

Speaker 6:
[26:01] What is 41? No.

Speaker 4:
[26:03] 41. That's what they do. Six, seven, 41.

Speaker 6:
[26:10] Do you think I'm chopped Unc?

Speaker 4:
[26:12] No. Do you think I'm chopped Unc?

Speaker 6:
[26:14] No, Jake. I keep telling you, you're 26. You have your whole life ahead of you. I love you, man.

Speaker 4:
[26:19] You know what, Ben, I actually, I love you, too.

Speaker 6:
[26:22] I love you.

Speaker 4:
[26:23] I love you.

Speaker 6:
[26:24] I don't know why we're fighting.

Speaker 4:
[26:25] No, we're not. Can we make up?

Speaker 6:
[26:26] Let's make up.

Speaker 4:
[26:34] Okay.

Speaker 6:
[26:35] You know what I think the problem is? I didn't speak out loud before this today.

Speaker 4:
[26:40] Okay.

Speaker 6:
[26:40] And so I think I'm just shaking the rest off.

Speaker 4:
[26:43] No, shake it off. We have all the time in the world.

Speaker 6:
[26:45] My watch fell off.

Speaker 4:
[26:47] Oh, put that shit back on. Is that vintage?

Speaker 6:
[26:50] Yeah. I want to put it over there. No, keep yours. Keep yours. Do you want to trade?

Speaker 4:
[26:58] Should we trade?

Speaker 6:
[26:59] Yeah, absolutely.

Speaker 4:
[27:00] Okay. So let's.

Speaker 6:
[27:04] Do you have a lot in the collection?

Speaker 4:
[27:05] Yours is gorgeous. I want this one.

Speaker 6:
[27:07] I will trade you in a heartbeat.

Speaker 4:
[27:11] How do I put this on?

Speaker 6:
[27:12] How do I put yours on? That one got kind of fucked up. I kind of have to.

Speaker 4:
[27:17] Where did you get this?

Speaker 6:
[27:18] Jake.

Speaker 4:
[27:19] No. And let me see it on you.

Speaker 6:
[27:20] Jake.

Speaker 4:
[27:21] Oh, it looks amazing on you. Will you put this on me?

Speaker 6:
[27:25] Yeah. So, okay, here. Let me fix it and then I'll put it on you.

Speaker 4:
[27:30] This looks really good on me. Will you put it on upside down?

Speaker 6:
[27:33] Oh, I'm sorry. This is stunning. Jake.

Speaker 4:
[27:38] Wow. Look at us.

Speaker 6:
[27:40] I think we should trade.

Speaker 4:
[27:41] No.

Speaker 6:
[27:44] God, we haven't said one thing we can keep.

Speaker 4:
[27:47] We really haven't. You should have said, I said to you before this, do you not want to talk about anything?

Speaker 6:
[27:51] Totally. And I was like, I'm an open book.

Speaker 4:
[27:53] Yeah, that is what you said.

Speaker 6:
[27:55] And so far, I haven't said anything.

Speaker 4:
[27:57] Okay. So should we just start this all over? Okay.

Speaker 6:
[28:06] This is so cool. Ben. Hey, Jake.

Speaker 4:
[28:12] Ben, I love your watch. I can't see it, but I know it's under there. Do you like mine?

Speaker 6:
[28:17] Yeah, it's great. Looks cheaper than this one, but.

Speaker 4:
[28:20] I don't know, it's vintage.

Speaker 6:
[28:21] Yeah, I'm sure it is.

Speaker 4:
[28:22] But I guess that one looks vintage too.

Speaker 6:
[28:24] This one's gorgeous.

Speaker 4:
[28:25] Possibly from the year 1994.

Speaker 6:
[28:27] Is it true?

Speaker 4:
[28:28] It looks it.

Speaker 6:
[28:31] Yours you probably haggled for in the Diamond District.

Speaker 4:
[28:34] Is that what you did?

Speaker 6:
[28:35] Yeah.

Speaker 4:
[28:36] And you got this? You haggled for this in the Diamond District and you got this?

Speaker 6:
[28:40] Well, I mean, yeah, I mean, I just, I bought it, and I was kind of negotiated the price.

Speaker 4:
[28:45] Where in the Diamond District? I want to go.

Speaker 6:
[28:47] Like right by 30 Rock. They have like a bunch of watch places. How was the Broadway show you did?

Speaker 4:
[28:54] It was great.

Speaker 6:
[28:55] I can't believe I haven't seen it. I'm so embarrassed. I am like the biggest Simon Rich fan ever.

Speaker 4:
[29:00] Yeah, he's awesome.

Speaker 6:
[29:01] He's amazing.

Speaker 4:
[29:02] He's awesome.

Speaker 6:
[29:03] He would come back and be like a guest writer when Milani would host. And he's so funny and so nice.

Speaker 4:
[29:10] It was like the best experience of my entire life.

Speaker 6:
[29:12] Really?

Speaker 4:
[29:12] Yeah, it was really like the best experience of my entire life.

Speaker 6:
[29:16] Wow.

Speaker 4:
[29:17] It was so cool. I learned so much.

Speaker 6:
[29:19] Really?

Speaker 4:
[29:19] Like so much. Like from Ray Romano, too, like the way he like he's so like smart with like how he like works a crowd.

Speaker 6:
[29:29] Did you did you like study acting or anything? No.

Speaker 4:
[29:33] No. I did an acting class in college and I was in my senior year play and I was in my sixth grade play and my eighth grade play.

Speaker 6:
[29:42] Well, that's a lot.

Speaker 4:
[29:43] Yeah. So I guess somewhat. No, I didn't study it. I studied it by watching television.

Speaker 6:
[29:50] So you learned a lot from Ray Romano.

Speaker 4:
[29:51] Yeah, like a lot. Like really? For every night before the show, he would wait by the monitor.

Speaker 6:
[29:56] You remind me of Ray Romano.

Speaker 4:
[29:58] No, I don't. And the thing is I said, no, I don't. But I thought you were about to like double down.

Speaker 6:
[30:05] Oh, you wanted me to go. No, seriously. Listen. No, you don't at all.

Speaker 4:
[30:12] Uh-huh. So he would wait by the monitor every night. Like, as the show, like there was like a monitor.

Speaker 6:
[30:19] That shows the audience?

Speaker 4:
[30:20] Yeah. No, that shows the show. Oh. Like, but we would be off to the side.

Speaker 6:
[30:25] Yeah.

Speaker 4:
[30:26] And there were certain cues he would wait for. And like, depending on how loud the cheer was, and he like rated the shows each night.

Speaker 6:
[30:32] Oh, wow.

Speaker 4:
[30:33] He was like super specific and technical.

Speaker 6:
[30:36] About like how hot the crowd was?

Speaker 4:
[30:38] Like how, yeah, like, wait how much to give. And like, if they were, and if someone would step beyond a line, he would say you like, like, he was very specific. Whoa, that's really good.

Speaker 6:
[30:48] That's awesome.

Speaker 4:
[30:49] Yeah, he's awesome.

Speaker 6:
[30:50] Who else did it?

Speaker 4:
[30:51] Nick Braun? And Jenny Slate.

Speaker 6:
[30:54] That's it?

Speaker 4:
[30:54] Yeah, it was us four.

Speaker 6:
[30:56] It was just the four of you?

Speaker 4:
[30:57] Yes, and the band Lawrence. It was really fun. It was really fun. It was like, seriously, like, I felt such a sense of purpose.

Speaker 6:
[31:05] And I can never see it? Did you film it?

Speaker 4:
[31:08] Yeah, I'm sure they filmed one of the nights.

Speaker 6:
[31:10] I would love to see it.

Speaker 4:
[31:12] It was really, really fun. And when like we, and like sometimes we'd have like a night where like we would just go like completely off script. Really? And it was really fun. Yeah.

Speaker 6:
[31:21] It's the best.

Speaker 4:
[31:22] It was, Louis saw it eight times. Really?

Speaker 6:
[31:25] Was it different every time? Or you got kind of sick of it?

Speaker 5:
[31:28] It was like, it was the same every time, but the improv was always a bit different. Like I still laughed every night.

Speaker 6:
[31:34] Wow. That's cool. That's the, our live shows are kind of like that.

Speaker 4:
[31:38] It's like, I want to come. I want to do more.

Speaker 6:
[31:41] I think we're doing some more this summer. You should come. Oh no. I mean like the Please Don't Destroy live shows where we're doing like sketches and touring and stuff.

Speaker 4:
[31:49] So you do tour and you do do live shows.

Speaker 6:
[31:52] But I don't do stand up like solo, This is About My Life. Like me, Martin and John do like a live sketch show.

Speaker 4:
[31:58] How did you guys meet?

Speaker 6:
[32:00] College. John and I were on the NYU sketch group Hammercats together. And then Martin and I were doing open mics.

Speaker 4:
[32:10] So you did do stand up?

Speaker 6:
[32:12] In college.

Speaker 4:
[32:13] But you said you've never done stand up.

Speaker 3:
[32:15] I didn't say that.

Speaker 6:
[32:16] Let's check the tape back.

Speaker 4:
[32:19] He didn't say that.

Speaker 6:
[32:21] No, I did in college. And I'm kind of interested in doing it again. Should we go to smoke mics?

Speaker 4:
[32:26] I would go with you.

Speaker 6:
[32:27] That would be fun.

Speaker 4:
[32:28] Okay, should we go together? We have to go together.

Speaker 6:
[32:30] Let's do it.

Speaker 4:
[32:31] And we just get up there and rip it?

Speaker 6:
[32:32] By the way, as two people who are like in comedy, like, you know, comedians.

Speaker 4:
[32:37] You wouldn't classify me in that genre?

Speaker 6:
[32:39] 100%.

Speaker 4:
[32:41] Thank you.

Speaker 6:
[32:41] You wouldn't?

Speaker 4:
[32:42] A lot of people wouldn't.

Speaker 6:
[32:44] I think that if me and you were like, we're going to start doing stand up, and we start sending each other jokes and going to open mics together, that could be really fun and really good for us.

Speaker 4:
[32:51] Are you like fucking with me?

Speaker 6:
[32:54] Not at all.

Speaker 4:
[32:55] I have your number.

Speaker 6:
[32:57] I have your number.

Speaker 4:
[32:58] So what are you watching on TV right now?

Speaker 6:
[33:00] I don't really watch TV. I'm just kidding. I feel like I'm saying that kind of answered all your questions. What am I watching? I'm going to really ask myself. Have you seen the show Hijack on Apple? Idris Elba?

Speaker 4:
[33:11] No, but I've heard it's great.

Speaker 6:
[33:12] Oh my God.

Speaker 4:
[33:14] What's it about again?

Speaker 6:
[33:15] The first season is him dealing with hijackers on a plane.

Speaker 4:
[33:19] And there's a season two.

Speaker 6:
[33:20] And then season two, the end of the first episode is, I'm hijacking this train and he's the hijacker. My girlfriend and I watched it together and joke that we don't remember one single piece of information that's being communicated. Do you ever do that? Do you ever just watch TV like it's just colors and sounds, and you're just like, ha ha. But you're not taking in any. Really?

Speaker 4:
[33:42] I love TV. You watch Survivor?

Speaker 6:
[33:44] No.

Speaker 4:
[33:44] I just started. Really? It's awesome.

Speaker 6:
[33:46] It's so much.

Speaker 4:
[33:48] Well, I'm not going to like watch all 50 seasons. Sorry.

Speaker 6:
[33:50] Yeah.

Speaker 4:
[33:51] I'm just watching season 50.

Speaker 6:
[33:52] Do you watch SNL?

Speaker 4:
[33:53] Yes.

Speaker 6:
[33:54] When was the last time you think you watched a full episode of SNL?

Speaker 4:
[33:58] Like a full, full, full episode?

Speaker 6:
[33:59] Yeah, ever.

Speaker 4:
[34:01] I watched the Glenn one. I was there.

Speaker 6:
[34:02] Oh, yeah. But I mean at home.

Speaker 4:
[34:05] At home? I watched the Connor Story one.

Speaker 6:
[34:09] You did, the full thing?

Speaker 4:
[34:10] Yes.

Speaker 6:
[34:11] Oh, great. Super fun episode. Love him.

Speaker 4:
[34:13] Yeah. He is so nice.

Speaker 6:
[34:16] He rocks.

Speaker 4:
[34:17] Yeah. Was he just a pleasure to work with?

Speaker 6:
[34:18] Oh my God, the best.

Speaker 4:
[34:20] Oh, he seems it.

Speaker 6:
[34:21] He was awesome. Hudson was really cool, too.

Speaker 4:
[34:24] Oh, yes. He was there. Okay. So but like to recap, we have basketball plans.

Speaker 6:
[34:30] We have basketball plans.

Speaker 4:
[34:31] We have improv plans.

Speaker 6:
[34:32] Yep.

Speaker 4:
[34:33] And we have open mic plans. I say the way we should prioritize these things is that open mic comes first.

Speaker 6:
[34:38] Of course.

Speaker 4:
[34:39] I think we will like, do you drink? Yeah. Let's just drink.

Speaker 6:
[34:42] Yeah.

Speaker 4:
[34:43] And do it.

Speaker 6:
[34:44] This seems fun.

Speaker 4:
[34:45] Yeah, it seems so fun. So like, but do you, are you going to prepare jokes or like, do we just go up and do it?

Speaker 6:
[34:50] No, I think, yeah, I think you got to prepare jokes.

Speaker 4:
[34:52] So how would you prepare a joke?

Speaker 6:
[34:54] I don't know. I'd probably look at all the notes in my phone. I have like, do you write jokes in your phone?

Speaker 4:
[34:59] No, I write stories in my phone. And I have like an album of photos called Stories.

Speaker 6:
[35:05] Should we pull up a good story or joke from our phone?

Speaker 4:
[35:07] Yes!

Speaker 6:
[35:08] Okay. This is somewhat funny.

Speaker 4:
[35:11] Okay. So what's your story?

Speaker 6:
[35:14] When I was back home in Savannah watching March Madness, my dad, he just kept going, that's a big boy. How big is that boy?

Speaker 4:
[35:24] Wait, sorry, what?

Speaker 6:
[35:25] Do you know what March Madness is? It's the basketball tournament.

Speaker 4:
[35:28] Yeah.

Speaker 6:
[35:29] And my dad would just keep looking at like players and being like, big boy. I feel like dads love how big guys can be.

Speaker 4:
[35:38] Oh, you're making the joke. Oh, because now the joke is coming. Oh, I see. Oh my God, I love how the... Okay, wow. Because now the joke is like, I feel like dads.

Speaker 6:
[35:49] Oh, okay.

Speaker 5:
[35:50] Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 4:
[35:51] Wow, that's really beautiful.

Speaker 6:
[35:56] Crazy vibe between us, Jake.

Speaker 4:
[35:58] Okay, so someone once messaged me on Grindr. Salut, ça va? Because I was in France, France, and I responded, Kava?

Speaker 6:
[36:07] Oh, and then now is the joke. That's what you did to me. That's what you did to me.

Speaker 4:
[36:13] Someone once DM me, hello, I deliver semi-trucks across the country, and I have a YouTube travel channel. I have countless stories of my travels. Some are meth in the coffee pot of Echnolodge waking up to an electrical fire in my room, paying 1,000 per night for a room for just a few hours. If y'all are interested, I'd love to have a call to see if we would vibe on an episode.

Speaker 6:
[36:33] I think you should do that.

Speaker 4:
[36:34] Oh, this is my favorite. I got a random DM. I stopped everyone from saying fuck Jake Shane at Harry Potter and the Cursed Child tonight, by the way. Why was that even happening?

Speaker 6:
[36:49] Oh, my God.

Speaker 4:
[36:50] Did you get any more info? I never respond. I think I honestly might have. I'm going to reach back out to her, because why was that happening?

Speaker 6:
[36:59] It was on the precipice of happening. The whole crowd wanted to say Jake Shane at Harry Potter. Hey, guys, we shouldn't. We shouldn't. Seriously.

Speaker 4:
[37:09] Isn't that crazy?

Speaker 6:
[37:10] That's insane.

Speaker 4:
[37:11] Harry Potter.

Speaker 6:
[37:12] And then to tell you that, like, you'd be happy.

Speaker 4:
[37:15] I mean, like, I laughed for sure, but I've never... It was one of the more wild DMs I've ever received. Do you get wild DMs?

Speaker 6:
[37:22] Should I look at my DMs? I have Instagram blocked.

Speaker 4:
[37:25] You have Instagram blocked?

Speaker 6:
[37:27] Yeah.

Speaker 4:
[37:27] What do you mean? You use the brick?

Speaker 6:
[37:29] I have an app that blocks social media, and then you can, like, snooze it. And then... But every time you do it, it takes longer. So it's harder and harder to do. Nothing.

Speaker 4:
[37:44] So what's your favorite restaurant in New York?

Speaker 6:
[37:45] Nothing even. Like, you don't want to just say, like, Oh, that's interesting.

Speaker 4:
[37:50] Favorite SNL skit you've ever done?

Speaker 6:
[37:53] Um...

Speaker 4:
[37:54] Were you in the haircut one?

Speaker 6:
[37:55] Yeah.

Speaker 4:
[37:56] Love that one.

Speaker 6:
[37:58] Yeah, that was great.

Speaker 4:
[37:58] I like it.

Speaker 6:
[37:59] Ashley's so funny.

Speaker 4:
[38:00] She's incredible.

Speaker 6:
[38:01] That was a great one. And then I... But I broke... I broke in that sketch during dress, and then they posted that online. Does any of what I'm saying mean anything to you?

Speaker 4:
[38:11] During dress rehearsal.

Speaker 6:
[38:12] During dress rehearsal, I started laughing.

Speaker 4:
[38:14] I didn't see that.

Speaker 6:
[38:16] Okay.

Speaker 4:
[38:16] Because I saw the final. Three Sad Virgins is amazing.

Speaker 6:
[38:22] Thanks, Jake.

Speaker 4:
[38:23] Well, was it like to work with Taylor Swift?

Speaker 6:
[38:25] It was amazing.

Speaker 4:
[38:26] Were you like, oh my god, I can't believe I'm working with Taylor Swift.

Speaker 6:
[38:29] I could not. It was like maybe five weeks into me working there, four weeks, and I was just like, what the hell?

Speaker 4:
[38:36] Was that when she was promoting Red Taylor's version, and she did All Too Well?

Speaker 6:
[38:40] Yeah.

Speaker 4:
[38:43] We have a new sponsor, Venmo. Thank you so much Venmo for sponsoring this season and this episode. It is festival season officially, and we are all paying for one another, paying each other back, and Venmo makes it easy to do that. You might be paying someone back for a drink, a hotel room, a ride, clothes, whatever it may be. The Venmo debit card makes it easy to spend that money. The other great thing is you can earn always on cash back with Venmo stashed rewards. You just pick a bundle of your favorite brands, and you earn cash back whenever you spend with them. It really is super useful and incentivizes you to use that balance in your Venmo account. You can also add your Venmo debit card to your digital wallet, and we all know we love to tap and pay. It's especially great for festival season when you don't want to bring your wallet in, have the chance of it getting stolen, and all you need is your phone to just tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, and pay for things that you need and have your Venmo debit card on your phone. It is really one of those inventions where you're like, oh, this makes so much sense. Why wouldn't there be a debit card for me to use my Venmo balance? Learn more about how to get the Venmo debit card at venmo.com/card. The Venmo MasterCard is issued by the Bank Corp Bank in A. Venmo stash bundle terms and exclusions apply. Max $100 cash back per month. See terms at Venmo.me slash stash terms. Venmo checkout not available at all merchants. Thank you again Venmo for sponsoring this episode. Love you guys. This episode of Therapuss is brought to you by booking.com. Booking.yeah! Festival season has begun. I just got back from Coachella and I had the best weekend of my entire life. So much so that I kept looking around and saying to everyone, we need to start planning to go to another festival. And booking.com is the place to do that. It is very hard to find the perfect hotel room, the perfect house for you to stay at. But booking.com makes it easy because if you are traveling with a large group of people, everybody has different needs. Shower, tub, swimming pool, whatever, how close to the festival. If you put it all into booking.com, they will find you that perfect place. And really and truly, going to a music festival, that's the closest. I've never felt magic like that in my entire life. And to be able to have somewhere, to not worry about where you're staying is a key to that magic, I think. Knowing that you're going home somewhere that you're comfortable in is a key to being able to experience every trip you're on, whether it be solo, whether it be with friends. And I think booking.com really just wants to make sure you experience that magic and just make sure that you have a place to stay. It really is like the easiest. Also, if you want to rent a car, you can do it on booking.com. You can really round out your whole trip and experience on it. It's trip season, everyone's talking about wanting to go somewhere. booking.com is the place to find somewhere to stay. Find exactly what you're booking for at booking.com. Booking.yeah! Book today on the site or in the app. I don't know what I expected for this episode.

Speaker 6:
[41:39] I'm now like scared.

Speaker 4:
[41:41] Scared for who?

Speaker 6:
[41:42] Both of us.

Speaker 4:
[41:43] Me too.

Speaker 6:
[41:46] What are people gonna think when they listen to this? Are they gonna go, Jesus, Jake's always, you have a podcast, you do this all the time, people love the show, you're so good at conversation. To have somebody on who it's just coming to a screeching.

Speaker 4:
[42:02] You like to talk shit. You like to talk shit, and that's what we both want to do right now. So we're skirting around the fact that all we want to do is gossip.

Speaker 6:
[42:17] Okay. I guess that would be fun.

Speaker 4:
[42:21] Just to talk shit.

Speaker 6:
[42:22] Yeah, I would love to hear about-

Speaker 4:
[42:23] That's why we keep making plans for outside of this.

Speaker 6:
[42:25] Like if someone listens to this, like a fan of yours who doesn't really know me, it's a guy from Arsenal. Interesting. I wonder what he's like. They're going to click on this and they're going to go, the fuck is that guy's problem?

Speaker 4:
[42:37] No.

Speaker 6:
[42:38] I don't think so.

Speaker 4:
[42:39] Can you help?

Speaker 6:
[42:40] You know what? Maybe we could have like a drink.

Speaker 4:
[42:43] I have no drinks.

Speaker 6:
[42:44] Cool.

Speaker 4:
[42:45] I have no food and I have no drinks. I have Celsius and water and pretzels.

Speaker 6:
[42:50] That's okay.

Speaker 4:
[42:50] You want a pretzel?

Speaker 6:
[42:51] I'm okay.

Speaker 4:
[42:53] Right?

Speaker 6:
[42:53] Thank you.

Speaker 4:
[42:54] Okay. Do you have ADHD?

Speaker 6:
[42:56] No. Do you?

Speaker 4:
[42:57] Oh, yes.

Speaker 6:
[42:58] Okay.

Speaker 4:
[42:59] I just thought maybe we both had it, and that's why this was happening.

Speaker 6:
[43:01] No, but you're very anxious.

Speaker 4:
[43:03] Very.

Speaker 6:
[43:04] I'm very anxious, too.

Speaker 4:
[43:06] Like, how does your anxiety, like, work? Manifest.

Speaker 6:
[43:09] Um, very physical. Very, like, stomach aches.

Speaker 4:
[43:14] Wow.

Speaker 6:
[43:15] Sweating. I get vertigo.

Speaker 4:
[43:17] Oh, you do?

Speaker 6:
[43:17] I get dizzy. Yeah.

Speaker 4:
[43:19] Oh, I feel it in the back of my neck.

Speaker 6:
[43:21] Really?

Speaker 4:
[43:22] Yeah.

Speaker 6:
[43:22] I feel it in, like, my mouth.

Speaker 4:
[43:24] Sometimes I do, too.

Speaker 6:
[43:25] Yeah.

Speaker 4:
[43:25] I feel it in my gums.

Speaker 6:
[43:26] Yeah, me too.

Speaker 4:
[43:27] But I felt, I feel it a lot in the back of my neck. Right now, do you? No.

Speaker 6:
[43:31] Okay. Me neither. I don't feel...

Speaker 4:
[43:32] So maybe we're not anxious.

Speaker 6:
[43:33] I think we're fine.

Speaker 4:
[43:34] I think we're fine.

Speaker 6:
[43:35] I think we're both, like, really worried about making a good episode.

Speaker 4:
[43:38] Yes.

Speaker 6:
[43:38] And coming off great.

Speaker 4:
[43:40] Yes.

Speaker 6:
[43:40] And we just need to just be ourselves.

Speaker 4:
[43:43] Let's just be ourselves. So who is you?

Speaker 6:
[43:46] I'm Ben. I'm from Savannah, Georgia. I like, I work at SNL.

Speaker 4:
[43:54] You are a ginger.

Speaker 6:
[43:55] I'm a ginger.

Speaker 4:
[43:57] I'm proud.

Speaker 6:
[43:57] Proud.

Speaker 4:
[43:59] Do you want to have ginger babies?

Speaker 6:
[44:01] I'd be fine with it.

Speaker 4:
[44:03] What do you think, like, is the most, what do you think is the most misunderstood thing about, like, gingers?

Speaker 6:
[44:11] I don't know if there's really anything to, like, clear up about gingers. I think we're not all the same. So I can't speak on behalf of anybody but myself.

Speaker 4:
[44:24] Um, I hate being short.

Speaker 6:
[44:26] Really?

Speaker 4:
[44:26] Hate. I hate it.

Speaker 6:
[44:28] How tall are you?

Speaker 4:
[44:29] Guess.

Speaker 6:
[44:29] Five, six.

Speaker 4:
[44:31] What? I'm five, three.

Speaker 6:
[44:34] Oh, really?

Speaker 4:
[44:35] Yeah. Oh. Do I give off, like, tall energy?

Speaker 6:
[44:38] I don't think five, six is very tall.

Speaker 4:
[44:40] Okay, well.

Speaker 6:
[44:43] You're five, three?

Speaker 4:
[44:44] Yeah.

Speaker 6:
[44:44] I'm six, five.

Speaker 4:
[44:45] I know.

Speaker 6:
[44:46] Wow. Maybe that's what it is.

Speaker 4:
[44:49] That just, like, we're so uncomfortable in our height difference? You're, like, over a foot taller than me.

Speaker 6:
[44:54] Yeah.

Speaker 4:
[44:55] That is pretty crazy.

Speaker 6:
[44:57] Wow. Okay. Why do you hate being short?

Speaker 4:
[45:01] I just, I feel very stocky.

Speaker 6:
[45:04] You have leg room on planes.

Speaker 4:
[45:06] It doesn't matter. I'd rather not have the leg room and feel better.

Speaker 6:
[45:09] Yeah.

Speaker 4:
[45:10] So you never gave me your favorite restaurant in New York.

Speaker 6:
[45:13] I said Tacuba.

Speaker 4:
[45:14] The burrito place. Fuck. Yeah, you did. Well, it closed.

Speaker 6:
[45:19] It closed.

Speaker 4:
[45:20] So what's your favorite one that's open?

Speaker 6:
[45:22] Oh my God, you need to chill out. There's a place called El Mi Tote that I go sometimes. It's good. I don't know.

Speaker 4:
[45:31] What type of food is that?

Speaker 6:
[45:32] It's Mexican food.

Speaker 4:
[45:33] Is that your favorite type of food?

Speaker 6:
[45:35] Yeah, I like it.

Speaker 4:
[45:36] Have you ever been to ABC Cosina?

Speaker 6:
[45:39] No.

Speaker 4:
[45:40] So good.

Speaker 6:
[45:40] Where is that?

Speaker 4:
[45:41] East 19th.

Speaker 6:
[45:43] I like food, but I don't know much about like rest. I'm like not tapped into the scene.

Speaker 4:
[45:48] Okay. So let's get into the Tell Me What's Wrong, shall we?

Speaker 6:
[45:51] Yeah. Oh my God.

Speaker 4:
[45:56] Like are you going to leave here with like scaries?

Speaker 6:
[45:58] Yeah.

Speaker 4:
[45:59] Me too.

Speaker 6:
[46:02] I like, I'm like, what, what are we going to do?

Speaker 4:
[46:06] What's wrong with us?

Speaker 6:
[46:07] I don't know.

Speaker 4:
[46:07] Is it my fault or is it your fault?

Speaker 6:
[46:09] I'm not trying to blame you, Jake, but I am saying stuff and you're going.

Speaker 4:
[46:14] Really? That's what I'm doing?

Speaker 6:
[46:16] You've done that a bunch. You're like, as if the answer I have given you is not satisfactory.

Speaker 4:
[46:22] And you're like, okay, so your favorite restaurant is this Mexican place. What do you get there?

Speaker 6:
[46:27] Why are we talking about this?

Speaker 4:
[46:28] Because I don't know.

Speaker 6:
[46:30] We're like two hours into a podcast. Why are you asking me my favorite restaurant? We have so much in common.

Speaker 4:
[46:36] We have mutual friends.

Speaker 5:
[46:37] We have, okay, Paul, Paul.

Speaker 6:
[46:40] We have so many others.

Speaker 4:
[46:42] Marcelo, Marcelo. Who else?

Speaker 6:
[46:44] Veronica.

Speaker 4:
[46:45] Love her. Kyle, Kyle. Who else?

Speaker 6:
[46:49] Glenn Powell.

Speaker 4:
[46:51] You guys are buddies. Are you? Yes.

Speaker 6:
[46:53] Yeah.

Speaker 4:
[46:54] Is he the best?

Speaker 6:
[46:55] He's really great.

Speaker 4:
[46:56] He's the best.

Speaker 6:
[46:57] I was just in Savannah and he's shooting a movie down there.

Speaker 4:
[47:00] Yes. The country singer.

Speaker 6:
[47:01] Yeah.

Speaker 4:
[47:02] Yeah.

Speaker 6:
[47:03] And I think I'm going to try to see him when I go down there for my sister's graduation.

Speaker 4:
[47:08] Your half-sister.

Speaker 6:
[47:09] Yeah.

Speaker 4:
[47:09] Were you like a good student at school?

Speaker 6:
[47:11] I was a pretty good student.

Speaker 4:
[47:13] Like what was your GPA when you graduated?

Speaker 6:
[47:15] In high school?

Speaker 4:
[47:15] Excluding APs.

Speaker 6:
[47:16] High school?

Speaker 4:
[47:17] Yeah.

Speaker 6:
[47:18] Probably 4.0.

Speaker 4:
[47:19] You're lying.

Speaker 6:
[47:20] I was a pretty good student. What was yours? Maybe it was a lie. I don't know. A's. I got A's.

Speaker 4:
[47:27] I was really bad my freshman year because I didn't understand the concept of having to like, because my middle school didn't grade us. We didn't get grades. We got like behavior grades. And then, so I didn't really like, once we got to ninth grade, like I couldn't pick up on the fact that I was getting like legitimate grades. Now, like in middle school, I just wouldn't do my homework.

Speaker 6:
[47:47] Right.

Speaker 4:
[47:48] And then, so I really struggled. And then I got back on track and I had like a 4.0, my 11th grade and 12th grade.

Speaker 6:
[47:56] Whoa. And you went to USC. I read your Wikipedia. I wanted to go to USC so bad and I didn't get in. So you're smarter than me.

Speaker 4:
[48:05] I didn't get into NYU.

Speaker 6:
[48:07] Really?

Speaker 4:
[48:07] Yeah.

Speaker 6:
[48:08] I cried.

Speaker 4:
[48:09] When you didn't get in to USC.

Speaker 6:
[48:11] Isn't that embarrassing?

Speaker 4:
[48:12] No. I thought I didn't get in. My doorman was, I was in LA and I was calling my doorman because you get the package.

Speaker 6:
[48:21] Yeah.

Speaker 4:
[48:21] And I was like, did anything come in the mail? And he was like, no. And I was like, cool. So this is really bad for me. It was the only place I wanted to go to.

Speaker 6:
[48:29] And look at us now.

Speaker 4:
[48:30] Do you feel like we're like invisible stringing?

Speaker 6:
[48:35] What's that?

Speaker 4:
[48:36] Like to each other and to friendship with each other.

Speaker 6:
[48:39] What does that mean?

Speaker 4:
[48:40] It's like we've gone down such different paths, but I feel so like kindred spirit with you.

Speaker 6:
[48:44] We're mirrors of each other.

Speaker 4:
[48:45] A little bit.

Speaker 6:
[48:46] Yeah.

Speaker 4:
[48:47] Like I'm short, you're tall.

Speaker 6:
[48:48] Yeah. Yeah. We complement each other.

Speaker 4:
[48:51] Like you didn't get into USC, I didn't get in 10YU.

Speaker 6:
[48:54] Yeah.

Speaker 4:
[48:55] You're on SNL and I'm not.

Speaker 6:
[48:57] You're 26, I'm Unc. I'm Chopped Unc.

Speaker 4:
[49:01] What is Chopped Unc?

Speaker 6:
[49:02] Ugly old guy.

Speaker 4:
[49:04] That's what that means?

Speaker 6:
[49:05] I think, right? Yeah.

Speaker 4:
[49:06] What is that from? Like Fortnite?

Speaker 6:
[49:09] Is it? Yeah, pretty much. Oh.

Speaker 4:
[49:13] You watch streamers?

Speaker 6:
[49:14] No, this is my sister. My sisters who are in high school are the ones who are calling me Unc.

Speaker 4:
[49:20] They say you're Unc?

Speaker 6:
[49:21] Yeah. That's a joke.

Speaker 4:
[49:24] You're Unc?

Speaker 6:
[49:25] Yeah.

Speaker 4:
[49:26] What was like a term in high school that you used?

Speaker 6:
[49:28] Swag.

Speaker 4:
[49:29] No. For real?

Speaker 6:
[49:32] It was the swag era. I graduated in 2013.

Speaker 4:
[49:36] You're like, that's so swag. I guess we use lit.

Speaker 6:
[49:39] Lit is worse to me.

Speaker 4:
[49:41] What?

Speaker 6:
[49:42] Swag is, I stand by it.

Speaker 4:
[49:45] I guess so. I mean, it stands the test of time. Justin Bieber released two albums named after it. Yeah, swag one and swag two.

Speaker 6:
[49:51] I called Harry Styles swaggy earlier.

Speaker 4:
[49:54] In person?

Speaker 6:
[49:55] No, you were in the bathroom.

Speaker 4:
[49:57] Okay.

Speaker 6:
[50:00] It's moments like that that are the problem, right?

Speaker 4:
[50:02] Right. It's like what? I don't have anything to say back.

Speaker 6:
[50:05] Or is it that you just think I'm being uninteresting?

Speaker 4:
[50:08] No, I think you're very interesting.

Speaker 6:
[50:09] Okay.

Speaker 4:
[50:10] Do you want to play the game where we can see if we can say the same thing at the same time?

Speaker 6:
[50:13] Yeah.

Speaker 4:
[50:13] Because I've done this before.

Speaker 6:
[50:15] Mindmeld?

Speaker 4:
[50:16] Mindmeld? Is that what it's called?

Speaker 6:
[50:17] I think so. Okay.

Speaker 4:
[50:20] We'll go one, two, three, and then we'll do it. I feel like I'm reheating my role model nachos, but... Ready?

Speaker 6:
[50:29] Yes.

Speaker 4:
[50:30] One, two, three, candle.

Speaker 6:
[50:32] Oh, sorry. It came fast. So we're just going from anything.

Speaker 4:
[50:39] Okay.

Speaker 6:
[50:40] Okay. Ready?

Speaker 4:
[50:41] One... You have to say it with me. Okay. Do you have your word? Do you? Wait, hold on. Do you have your word?

Speaker 6:
[50:48] Yep.

Speaker 4:
[50:50] One, two, three, watch.

Speaker 6:
[50:51] High school.

Speaker 4:
[50:52] Okay. One, two, three, Unc.

Speaker 6:
[50:56] Rolex. Oh.

Speaker 4:
[51:00] Rolex, Unc.

Speaker 6:
[51:02] Okay.

Speaker 4:
[51:04] One, two, three, vintage. You suck for that. You did it so delayed.

Speaker 6:
[51:09] But I swear that was what I was going to say the whole time.

Speaker 4:
[51:12] Because that could have been such a beautiful, like...

Speaker 6:
[51:15] Beautiful moment.

Speaker 4:
[51:16] But it wasn't. Let's play again. I won't play again. Hey, ready? And you need to say it faster. You need to say it faster.

Speaker 6:
[51:24] We got there.

Speaker 4:
[51:26] Do you have a word?

Speaker 6:
[51:27] Oh my God. Yes.

Speaker 4:
[51:29] One, two, three, water. Lamp. Water. One, two, three, Salcius. Lava lamp? Celsius? One, two, three, Retro. What?

Speaker 6:
[51:48] Energy.

Speaker 4:
[51:50] Retro, energy.

Speaker 6:
[51:54] One, two, three, Liver. Coffee.

Speaker 4:
[51:57] Okay. One, two, three, Latte.

Speaker 6:
[51:59] Dehydrated.

Speaker 4:
[52:03] Dehydrated.

Speaker 6:
[52:04] Dehydrated latte, okay.

Speaker 4:
[52:07] One, two, three, milk. Water. I think I said water already. Okay.

Speaker 6:
[52:12] How quick did you and Roll Model get it?

Speaker 4:
[52:14] Pretty quick.

Speaker 6:
[52:14] Yeah.

Speaker 4:
[52:15] One. Ready? What did we do?

Speaker 6:
[52:17] Oat milk and water?

Speaker 4:
[52:18] Yeah. One, two, three, almond milk. One, two, three, cashew milk. One, two, three, soy milk.

Speaker 1:
[52:35] What the is going on?

Speaker 6:
[52:38] Okay. Okay.

Speaker 4:
[52:41] Okay. I have one. One, two, three, two percent. Perf and half.

Speaker 6:
[52:49] Jake.

Speaker 4:
[52:51] I don't even want to look at you right now. Okay.

Speaker 6:
[52:56] The sun has set.

Speaker 4:
[52:57] I have one. I have one. Wait. Do you have a milk? Do you have a milk? No. There's not many left.

Speaker 6:
[53:08] We've said all of them. This is a dairy milk? Yep.

Speaker 4:
[53:16] One, two, three, pistachio. What? Okay. I think we're out of milk. Aren't we?

Speaker 6:
[53:27] Let's leave milk.

Speaker 4:
[53:28] Okay. Let's leave milk. Start over. Yep. One, two, three, socks. Socks blanket. Okay. Hold on. Ready? Give me a second. No, no, no, no. One, two, three, shoes. Okay.

Speaker 6:
[53:42] Okay.

Speaker 4:
[53:44] One, two, three, slippers. One, two, three, crocs. One, two, three, sandals.

Speaker 6:
[54:00] Oh, my God. We did get vintage though. Fast.

Speaker 4:
[54:04] We got vintage, but you fucked it up. And that's okay.

Speaker 6:
[54:09] Great job, Jake. We did it.

Speaker 4:
[54:13] Oh, my God. I'm having a good time with you.

Speaker 6:
[54:15] Me too.

Speaker 4:
[54:16] Like this is like we're friends now.

Speaker 6:
[54:17] Because if we record four hours, we might have 30 minutes we can use.

Speaker 4:
[54:25] So I've been- So I've been in and out of the same relationship for four years now. We met in college and we just can't seem to keep- Sorry. Let me restart. So I've been in and out of the same relationship for four years now. We met in college and we just can't seem to keep going back to each other, even though we know it never works out. He's a liar and I'm an enabler. I know he will never be able to be the person I need at the end of the day. But when we don't talk, I get scared. How do I regain my independence? I feel this.

Speaker 6:
[55:01] I feel like I've been there before. I think that's very relatable to want to cling to something you know is wrong because what you have is less scary than the unknown. And I think...

Speaker 4:
[55:14] That I just had a thought. I prescribe Every Time by Ariana Grande.

Speaker 6:
[55:20] The song.

Speaker 4:
[55:21] Why, oh why do I keep going back to you every time?

Speaker 6:
[55:27] Yes. Thank you Next by the way.

Speaker 4:
[55:30] No, this is not thank you Next behavior. This is Every Time behavior.

Speaker 6:
[55:35] I mean, here's what I'll say that I could maybe teach you about in problem. Yes and, right? Because everything I'm saying you're going no, no, wrong.

Speaker 4:
[55:43] Well, Yes and is a song by her. Did you know that? Yes and. Really? Yeah, you didn't know that? And you just said that? That's beautiful.

Speaker 6:
[55:53] That's amazing.

Speaker 4:
[55:54] Yeah, every time off sweetener.

Speaker 6:
[55:57] I would say, you know, like, you can tell she knows what she has to do.

Speaker 4:
[56:03] Yeah, but.

Speaker 6:
[56:04] Like she's already made up her mind. She's like, I know I don't want to be with this person. Okay. Rip the bandaid off.

Speaker 4:
[56:11] But why, oh why?

Speaker 6:
[56:13] Totally.

Speaker 4:
[56:14] Does she keep going back to him?

Speaker 6:
[56:16] Yeah, thank you, next.

Speaker 4:
[56:17] No, back to you.

Speaker 6:
[56:19] Just let me have it.

Speaker 4:
[56:20] Okay, fine, thank you, next. I think you would love Everytime by Ariana Grande. That's like my hyper fixation.

Speaker 6:
[56:28] I love Ariana Grande.

Speaker 4:
[56:30] That album, I mean, now I'm just going to start talking about Ariana Grande. I prescribed to this girl Ariana Grande. Ariana Grande lays it out flat. Like there's no if, ands, or buts with her.

Speaker 6:
[56:41] Yes.

Speaker 4:
[56:41] Like she just kind of says it.

Speaker 6:
[56:43] She's like, this is what I'm feeling.

Speaker 4:
[56:45] Yeah.

Speaker 6:
[56:45] You're not guessing. What is this about?

Speaker 4:
[56:47] No, except for We Can't Be Friends. That's up to interpretation. Is it about the fans?

Speaker 6:
[56:52] She's one of my all-time favorite SNL hosts.

Speaker 4:
[56:55] Wow. Tell me why.

Speaker 6:
[56:56] She's amazingly, amazingly talented and nice and cool.

Speaker 4:
[57:00] Oh my God. That is so awesome to hear. Yeah. Tell me more.

Speaker 6:
[57:04] She's just like, I mean, she could be on the cast and would be the best person on the cast. She can do impressions that are like crazy good. She just commits to everything. She's just funny and nice and awesome.

Speaker 4:
[57:16] Wow.

Speaker 6:
[57:16] Yeah.

Speaker 4:
[57:17] I love her.

Speaker 6:
[57:19] She's so cool. Also, she'll like, she watches the show, and like an episode that she's not involved with at all, if I did a sketch that she likes, she'll be like, that was so funny.

Speaker 4:
[57:29] Right. And it's cool to hear from her because she's Ariana Grande.

Speaker 6:
[57:32] Yeah.

Speaker 4:
[57:33] And do you have like a memory with her that you hold near?

Speaker 6:
[57:36] We did an espresso martini sketch together. Do you see it? What's it about?

Speaker 4:
[57:45] Espresso martinis.

Speaker 6:
[57:46] And what's the kind of the take?

Speaker 4:
[57:48] The comic take?

Speaker 6:
[57:49] What's the comic take?

Speaker 4:
[57:51] On espresso martinis?

Speaker 6:
[57:52] Yeah.

Speaker 4:
[57:53] The comic take on that sketch.

Speaker 6:
[57:55] It's okay. You don't have to lie.

Speaker 4:
[57:57] I prescribe Ariana Grande, specifically the song Every Time. Do you prescribe anything?

Speaker 6:
[58:00] I love the way you say prescribe.

Speaker 4:
[58:02] Yeah. Prescribe.

Speaker 6:
[58:03] Prescribe.

Speaker 4:
[58:04] Prescribe.

Speaker 6:
[58:05] Prescribe.

Speaker 4:
[58:06] Prescribe.

Speaker 6:
[58:07] I like that.

Speaker 4:
[58:08] It's puss scribe.

Speaker 6:
[58:09] Oh.

Speaker 4:
[58:12] You thought I had a speech impediment?

Speaker 6:
[58:16] I thought it was like your New York accent.

Speaker 4:
[58:18] No, but I do say some things with my New York accent.

Speaker 6:
[58:20] Puss scribe.

Speaker 4:
[58:21] I say orange. Horror.

Speaker 6:
[58:24] I'm humiliated.

Speaker 4:
[58:25] How do you say caramel? Caramel? Caramel?

Speaker 6:
[58:27] You know what? I just don't like to say it.

Speaker 4:
[58:29] I hate caramel.

Speaker 6:
[58:30] That's a disaster waiting to happen.

Speaker 4:
[58:31] I hate caramel.

Speaker 6:
[58:32] Yeah. I don't really like it either.

Speaker 4:
[58:34] What?

Speaker 6:
[58:35] Yeah.

Speaker 4:
[58:36] I would peg you for someone that loves it.

Speaker 6:
[58:38] Why? I don't know. I guess we don't know each other that well.

Speaker 4:
[58:42] But I'm so excited to get to know you.

Speaker 6:
[58:44] I know. We're going to go over my screenplay basketball. We're going to do improv. We're going to edit this episode together, and it's going to take some time. But we're going to do it. When do you think this is going to run?

Speaker 4:
[58:57] Do you want it to run? Never?

Speaker 6:
[58:58] No. I want it to run.

Speaker 4:
[58:59] I want it to run too.

Speaker 6:
[59:00] I love it. The more that it's, I'm like, this is good.

Speaker 4:
[59:03] This is awesome.

Speaker 6:
[59:03] Yeah.

Speaker 4:
[59:04] I'm having a great time. Are you?

Speaker 6:
[59:07] Yes. But just having to say that is very funny. This is awesome. I'm having a great time.

Speaker 4:
[59:11] I am having a great time. Are you guys having a good time? It's-

Speaker 6:
[59:17] She's like, it's good.

Speaker 4:
[59:20] I've been with my boyfriend for two years. As long as I have known him, his breath is horrid. It smells like cat wet food. Some days worse than others, and I always scooch away and he moves closer. Help. I'm not sure if it's the Zins or what. It's not the Zins. I love him and he's great to me, but is it a deal breaker? And how do I bring it up?

Speaker 6:
[59:40] I always scooch away and he moves closer? With your boyfriend? That's insane. You can't just be trying to scooch away from your boyfriend at all times. You got to just- you got to rip the bandaid off. Again, these people know what they have to do. They just need someone to tell them. Tell them. It's actually kinder to say, Hey man, your breath smells like ass, like straight up cat stank wet food. I'm scooching away from you.

Speaker 4:
[60:11] Do you prescribe Listerine?

Speaker 6:
[60:13] Yeah. Just buying like 10 bottles of Listerine and leaving them around the house. I'm not saying anything about it. And just being like, oh, that's weird.

Speaker 4:
[60:19] You have nice teeth.

Speaker 6:
[60:21] Thank you.

Speaker 4:
[60:21] Do you take care of them well? You floss?

Speaker 6:
[60:24] I floss, but I've had a lot of cavities.

Speaker 4:
[60:28] I've never had one and my teeth are so horrendously ugly.

Speaker 6:
[60:31] I've never had one my whole life. And then I switched dentists and they went, you have 12 cavities and you need a root canal and a crown.

Speaker 4:
[60:38] Shut up.

Speaker 6:
[60:39] You have nice teeth.

Speaker 4:
[60:40] No, they're small and yellow.

Speaker 6:
[60:42] Don't talk that way about my friend Jake.

Speaker 4:
[60:45] Okay. My current situation ship wants to buy this romantic painting kit thing where we fuck on a canvas covered in paint and then let it dry.

Speaker 6:
[61:00] Oh my god.

Speaker 4:
[61:01] That sounds awesome. That doesn't sound awesome to you.

Speaker 6:
[61:06] It sounds like a hassle.

Speaker 4:
[61:10] He talks about knowing the perfect place for it in his apartment. Like, we've been hooking up for six months, so it's not new new, but is this a serial killer red flag? Thanks, let me know. No, I actually think that's beautiful. And if I was in a situation ship with someone and they were like, I wanna fuck you on a canvas with paint and then hang it in my apartment, I would be like, I have found the one.

Speaker 6:
[61:29] Really? I think it's a serial killer thing.

Speaker 4:
[61:33] Why? It's art.

Speaker 6:
[61:36] Okay.

Speaker 4:
[61:37] Why do you think that?

Speaker 6:
[61:38] I don't know. I'm just like, can we just enjoy the moment with each other? What do we need to get paints involved for?

Speaker 4:
[61:47] It's cool.

Speaker 6:
[61:49] Okay.

Speaker 4:
[61:50] I mean, they don't have to do it. I'm just like- Right. I mean, if you-

Speaker 6:
[61:53] You know what? Maybe I'm being a prude.

Speaker 4:
[61:55] No, you're not being a prude.

Speaker 6:
[61:57] Go for it.

Speaker 4:
[61:58] I don't think you're being a prude.

Speaker 6:
[61:59] Okay.

Speaker 4:
[62:00] I see. What does the audience think? If someone brought that up to you guys, what? Manny just goes-

Speaker 6:
[62:10] I can't help you.

Speaker 4:
[62:11] I'm feeling guilty and weird about making a Sugar Baby account on the Sugar Daddy website. Don't get me wrong, some are dillfs, but it feels disingenuous to me, even though I can make good money doing next to nothing. I'm in my late 20s too, so I'm not gullible or anything like that. It's just a moral dilemma thing. Don't have the moral dilemma, do it.

Speaker 6:
[62:30] Yeah, I don't care. Do it, do it, no, I mean, like, I don't know, who cares?

Speaker 4:
[62:36] Right, I mean, if you're worried about people finding out, they won't.

Speaker 6:
[62:40] You don't think, I mean, yeah.

Speaker 4:
[62:41] Unless your friend's dad is on it, and then that's on your friend's dad, not you. You're just trying to get a check.

Speaker 6:
[62:48] Yeah, is it like, do you feel actually guilty like you're doing something wrong, or you fear other people's judgment? I think that's-

Speaker 4:
[62:55] She's saying she has a moral dilemma.

Speaker 6:
[62:57] But I don't think there's anything morally wrong.

Speaker 4:
[62:59] There's nothing morally wrong. Do you know that prostitution is the world's oldest profession?

Speaker 6:
[63:03] I've heard that.

Speaker 4:
[63:04] Where have you heard it?

Speaker 6:
[63:06] It's a thing people say.

Speaker 4:
[63:08] Well, it was in All Out, written by Simon Rich.

Speaker 6:
[63:12] Okay. And you thought that he was the first person to write that?

Speaker 4:
[63:14] No, it was just like this. It was this. I got it. Yeah.

Speaker 6:
[63:20] God, I wish I could see that.

Speaker 4:
[63:22] Well, I told you, there's probably a video of... There's a video of when Sarah Silverman did it. I watched that one to like prep for mine.

Speaker 6:
[63:30] So were you doing the same show?

Speaker 4:
[63:33] Yeah, it's the same show. Did you see All In? I didn't get to see it either. You love Broadway?

Speaker 6:
[63:39] No. I like Broadway, but I don't like Go.

Speaker 4:
[63:44] Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, that's fine. My best friend that I literally consider my sister is so popular at school that now she's even becoming friends with my main ops. She's so personable that she's buddy buddy with people that talk shit about me. I try to approach conversations with her about how it makes me feel, and I look so insecure. What should I do? She's not your friend, a friend to all, is a friend to none.

Speaker 6:
[64:04] You know what I was going to say?

Speaker 4:
[64:05] What?

Speaker 6:
[64:06] I was going to say you might be a little insecure.

Speaker 4:
[64:08] She just said that.

Speaker 6:
[64:09] Yeah, I mean, like you look insecure. I'm agreeing. I'm saying you look insecure because you're being insecure, and you can't control who someone else is friends with, and you have to just kind of like...

Speaker 4:
[64:21] Do boys have drama like that too?

Speaker 6:
[64:23] Yeah.

Speaker 4:
[64:24] Really?

Speaker 6:
[64:24] Yeah.

Speaker 4:
[64:26] Wow.

Speaker 6:
[64:26] Male friendships are complicated.

Speaker 4:
[64:28] What are they like?

Speaker 6:
[64:29] You know.

Speaker 4:
[64:30] Nope, I don't.

Speaker 6:
[64:31] Do you have guy friends?

Speaker 4:
[64:32] I have gay guy friends.

Speaker 6:
[64:33] Okay. I think that people's feelings get hurt just as often, and we just maybe don't communicate about it as well.

Speaker 4:
[64:42] Are you a crier?

Speaker 6:
[64:43] Yeah. I mean, from time to time.

Speaker 4:
[64:45] I feel like you're a really good person. Wow.

Speaker 6:
[64:47] That's really nice. Thank you.

Speaker 4:
[64:48] Yeah. I feel that from you. You have good-

Speaker 6:
[64:51] Thank you. I feel that you're a really good person.

Speaker 4:
[64:55] Well, now you're just saying that because I just said that.

Speaker 6:
[64:56] That's true.

Speaker 4:
[64:57] Okay.

Speaker 6:
[64:59] But I do think you seem like a really nice person and guy. And what's our advice for this?

Speaker 4:
[65:06] A friend to all is a friend to none. You should no longer be friends with this girl.

Speaker 6:
[65:11] So you're like fiercely protective of your friends. If some- I guess that's true, right?

Speaker 4:
[65:15] Yeah.

Speaker 6:
[65:16] I'm going back on my-

Speaker 4:
[65:17] It's like my best friend.

Speaker 6:
[65:19] Yeah.

Speaker 4:
[65:19] Had someone that they didn't like. Because they-

Speaker 6:
[65:22] And who talks shit about- Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 4:
[65:24] I would never go near them.

Speaker 6:
[65:25] Okay.

Speaker 4:
[65:26] That's horrible.

Speaker 6:
[65:26] I completely take back what I was saying.

Speaker 4:
[65:28] This girl in my class is talking to my ex and won't stop taking candid pictures of me and sending them to him. Like, ew, grow up. Mind you, the class I have with her is Women's Studies. So this is insane. I want to bitch her out, but also want to be a bigger person, blah, blah, blah. How do I handle her in a cunty way? Address it in front of the entire class. That's the cuntyest thing you could do.

Speaker 6:
[65:48] Or you take some of your own pictures.

Speaker 4:
[65:50] She'd be like, I don't give a fuck who you're sending it to. Not your boyfriend. You address it in front of the entire class.

Speaker 6:
[65:57] Geez. You do have that gear in you.

Speaker 4:
[66:00] This is what you do. Professors right there. Professor, I am so sorry. You have been taking photos of me and sending them to my ex-boyfriend who you are now with. I have heard about it. If you do it one more time, we're going to have a serious fucking problem. Not only is it creepy, it is invasive, and it is the antithesis of what we are trying to learn about here today, in women's studies class. And then you sit back down, and everyone will just go, and she will feel so fucking mortified and sit in that embarrassment. Pathetic.

Speaker 6:
[66:39] That's amazing.

Speaker 4:
[66:41] What I just did?

Speaker 6:
[66:42] What you just did is amazing. I would never have the courage to do that.

Speaker 4:
[66:45] So I don't know if I would either. Actually, I honestly think I would. I think I would. Don't you think what I just did was beautiful? And I think that's the way to handle it. You stand up and you say, I'm so sorry, but I have to address this in front of the class so you feel just as embarrassed as you should.

Speaker 6:
[67:01] Wow. I love it.

Speaker 4:
[67:03] Take one more photo of me.

Speaker 6:
[67:04] You would be a fun guidance counselor.

Speaker 4:
[67:08] Oh, my high school guidance counselor, Francesca. Oh, did you say you would be a fun guidance counselor? Oh, I thought you said who would be a fun one. And I said my high school one, Francesca. She came and saw me in All Out.

Speaker 6:
[67:18] Really?

Speaker 4:
[67:19] And she saw my Radio City show.

Speaker 6:
[67:20] Would you go to her and gossip?

Speaker 4:
[67:22] I would go to her, yeah, and gossip. I would cry, I would gossip. She is the best.

Speaker 6:
[67:28] That's awesome.

Speaker 4:
[67:29] She's everyone's favorite.

Speaker 6:
[67:30] I don't even know if we had one.

Speaker 4:
[67:31] You didn't know if you had a guidance counselor? That's illegal.

Speaker 6:
[67:34] I'm sure we did, but I guess I never interacted.

Speaker 4:
[67:36] Wow, I'm like so proud of the performance I just put on.

Speaker 6:
[67:38] Yeah, you really went for it. I love that.

Speaker 4:
[67:41] I really hope you take that to heart and you do that. Because that's mean.

Speaker 6:
[67:46] That's up.

Speaker 4:
[67:46] Why are you sending photos to my ex making fun of me?

Speaker 6:
[67:49] Yeah, that's crazy.

Speaker 4:
[67:50] My friends and I go for monthly dinners, and a few years ago, I had a good job, so I decided to cover the bills. Now, I'm pursuing my dreams and living off of savings, but it's still an expectation, and they don't glance at the price of anything and just assume I'll pay. What should I do?

Speaker 6:
[68:05] How is that still an expectation?

Speaker 4:
[68:07] You just say, I can't afford to do this anymore.

Speaker 6:
[68:09] Yeah, these friends are very unaware. I would say, guys, look, I just quit my job. I'm pursuing my dreams. Can you chip in for the eggplant parms?

Speaker 4:
[68:17] I wonder what their dreams are.

Speaker 6:
[68:19] Yeah, I know.

Speaker 4:
[68:20] Do you have any dreams that you haven't pursued yet?

Speaker 6:
[68:22] Podcaster.

Speaker 4:
[68:23] You would be an excellent one.

Speaker 6:
[68:25] Thanks. We tried to start a podcast once, and we quit.

Speaker 4:
[68:29] What did you call it?

Speaker 6:
[68:31] It was a Please Don't Destroy podcast.

Speaker 4:
[68:32] Okay. Why did you quit?

Speaker 6:
[68:35] I think we were just all pretty anxious about everything we were saying. See? No, totally. I'm not blaming you. This is my fault.

Speaker 4:
[68:45] No, Ben.

Speaker 6:
[68:46] It's okay.

Speaker 4:
[68:47] I really think we're going to pursue a friendship after this.

Speaker 6:
[68:51] I think so too.

Speaker 4:
[68:51] Open mic, basketball. What was the third? Improv.

Speaker 6:
[68:55] Improv.

Speaker 4:
[68:56] Which I'm low-key good at.

Speaker 6:
[68:58] And we listened to a few episodes of ourselves, and we had so many notes, and it took so long. Do you listen to every episode back?

Speaker 4:
[69:07] But can I say that that's how it starts? Nolan, do you remember how many notes I would give at the beginning? I would literally be like, I breathed weird, cut it.

Speaker 6:
[69:15] And you just have to break through it.

Speaker 4:
[69:16] You just have to keep going.

Speaker 6:
[69:17] Yeah. Well, we bailed.

Speaker 4:
[69:19] That's okay. I'm glad it's almost your birthday.

Speaker 6:
[69:22] Yeah. It's coming up.

Speaker 4:
[69:22] What are you going to do for your birthday?

Speaker 6:
[69:24] I don't know. I had a party for my 30th, and I usually don't do much of anything.

Speaker 4:
[69:30] I wish we were friends then.

Speaker 6:
[69:31] I know. It was really fun.

Speaker 4:
[69:33] Was it really? Did you blackout?

Speaker 6:
[69:35] No. It was me and my friend Brady. Do you know Brady?

Speaker 4:
[69:38] Hi, Brady.

Speaker 6:
[69:38] We had a joint birthday party, and it was great.

Speaker 4:
[69:42] Where did you have it?

Speaker 6:
[69:43] But my girlfriend planned the whole thing. And I think that's maybe the nicest thing you can do.

Speaker 4:
[69:47] For my birthday, my friends tricked me, told me they were taking me to my favorite restaurant, and instead got a hibachi chef to make me hibachi at my house.

Speaker 6:
[69:55] I went to a hibachi restaurant in the Dominican Republic with my family and it was completely silent. Like the guy was just making the food in front, just like, clink, clink.

Speaker 4:
[70:07] I like that.

Speaker 6:
[70:09] There was no music playing. He didn't try to make a show of it at all. It was interesting.

Speaker 4:
[70:15] Were you guys all laughing about how silent it was?

Speaker 6:
[70:17] After the fact, in the moment, it was like tense.

Speaker 4:
[70:20] What's the hardest you've ever laughed in your life?

Speaker 6:
[70:24] I'm thinking of this memory of when I was a kid when my dad knocked his cereal bowl into the trashcan and said, we'll bowl me over. And it's not really a joke or anything, but I don't know why I laughed harder than I've ever laughed in my life.

Speaker 4:
[70:37] That's beautiful.

Speaker 6:
[70:38] It was sweet.

Speaker 4:
[70:38] You were so unassuming to the world.

Speaker 6:
[70:42] Yeah.

Speaker 4:
[70:43] My friend group got really close last summer during senior year. The guy who always hosted us started liking one of the girls and things got weird. After a few months, we noticed patterns in his stories and eventually found out he lied about three different people dying, tragic deaths for attention. When we confronted him, he admitted it was all fake. Now the friend group is broken and the girls want to start hanging out with him again, just so we can still use his house to host things. Should we do it or is it too weird? Well, it's giving ma.

Speaker 6:
[71:11] Yeah, it is.

Speaker 4:
[71:12] It's giving ma, but definitely do it.

Speaker 6:
[71:14] It's giving pa. You fake laughing. I honestly feel bad for compulsive liars sometimes.

Speaker 4:
[71:26] I don't. I think it's evil and weird and crazy.

Speaker 6:
[71:29] But what if it's just a compulsion that you truly can't help?

Speaker 4:
[71:32] Literally, nothing makes me more angry than a compulsive liar. Because I can't lie.

Speaker 6:
[71:37] Can't?

Speaker 4:
[71:39] Have you seen me lie once this episode? I've tried. I fucking tried to lie to you. And every time I try, it slips out.

Speaker 6:
[71:45] Wow. Okay.

Speaker 4:
[71:46] I hate liars. I hate them. I hate them. They drive me insane. It's my number one thing. Why? Why do you lie?

Speaker 6:
[71:53] I'm talking about people who lie in a crazy way.

Speaker 4:
[71:55] Yeah, it still makes me angry.

Speaker 6:
[71:57] Okay. I think most people would agree with you. I'm just saying, like, through the lens of, like, mental illness, like, imagine you just literally, I have to lie, right?

Speaker 4:
[72:06] You're an empath.

Speaker 6:
[72:07] That would be crazy and horrible, and it would destroy your life.

Speaker 4:
[72:10] I think I want to leave my fiancé.

Speaker 6:
[72:12] Do it. Again, it's like, you've said it. You've already said it, right? That's what you want.

Speaker 4:
[72:20] Well, let's get some context.

Speaker 6:
[72:21] I'm sorry.

Speaker 4:
[72:23] I can't stand being around him anymore. He's a certified man child. His grandma did everything for him growing up, so he doesn't know basic skills. He didn't know how to do laundry or the dishes until he met me, and I forced him to learn because what the fuck? I'm a clean freak. I hate messes, and I need clutter free space to feel good about myself and my life. I've expressed this to him so many times. When my space is dirty, I feel like shit and my mental health declines. But still, he keeps leaving messes around our apartment for me to clean up. There's a lot more of this type of behavior. So is this means for a split? Yeah, sounds like you fucking hate him.

Speaker 6:
[72:57] This is what I'm saying.

Speaker 4:
[72:58] You were right.

Speaker 6:
[72:59] These people are like, I hate my life and my fiancé. He makes me miserable. He has zero redeeming qualities. Should I stay with him? It's like, you know the answer.

Speaker 4:
[73:09] No.

Speaker 6:
[73:09] No.

Speaker 4:
[73:10] No.

Speaker 6:
[73:11] Bye.

Speaker 4:
[73:12] Thank you.

Speaker 6:
[73:14] Next.

Speaker 4:
[73:15] Thank you.

Speaker 6:
[73:16] Yes, and?

Speaker 4:
[73:17] Next.

Speaker 6:
[73:18] What's the other one?

Speaker 4:
[73:19] Yes.

Speaker 6:
[73:20] No, no, no, the one that you were saying.

Speaker 4:
[73:23] You get high and caught on the regular. I get weak and fall like a teenager. Why?

Speaker 6:
[73:29] Oh, why? Oh, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 4:
[73:31] Does God keep bringing me? I get drunk, pretend that I'm over it. Self-destruct, show up like an idiot. Why? Oh, why? Does God keep bringing me?

Speaker 6:
[73:47] Honorful.

Speaker 4:
[73:48] Oh, it's the best song ever. You know what else? Other song I love?

Speaker 6:
[73:53] What?

Speaker 4:
[73:53] It's not by Geese. It's by the Guy and Geese.

Speaker 6:
[73:56] Devin Winter?

Speaker 4:
[73:57] Yeah, Love.

Speaker 6:
[73:57] Takes Miles?

Speaker 4:
[73:58] Yes.

Speaker 6:
[73:59] It's a good song.

Speaker 4:
[74:06] Yes. That was really good.

Speaker 6:
[74:09] Wallet on the ground. That's what he sounds like.

Speaker 4:
[74:13] I was like, is my wallet on the ground?

Speaker 6:
[74:14] No, that's one of his other songs.

Speaker 4:
[74:16] Wallet on the ground?

Speaker 6:
[74:17] Bag of rubber bands.

Speaker 4:
[74:20] I think Love Takes Miles is beautiful.

Speaker 6:
[74:21] It's a great song.

Speaker 4:
[74:22] Because it does take miles.

Speaker 6:
[74:24] Yeah.

Speaker 4:
[74:24] You got to show up to the people.

Speaker 6:
[74:25] Oh my God. So true.

Speaker 4:
[74:30] What's your favorite song of all time?

Speaker 6:
[74:31] This is a completely random answer. It's just that it's not my favorite song. It's just the first one that popped in my head. Outcast Roses.

Speaker 4:
[74:41] Oh, that could be your favorite song of all time.

Speaker 6:
[74:43] Could be, but...

Speaker 4:
[74:44] Phenomenal song.

Speaker 6:
[74:44] Love it.

Speaker 4:
[74:45] My favorite song of all time is The Archer by Taylor Swift and Someday by The Strokes.

Speaker 6:
[74:51] That's one of my favorite songs of all time, too.

Speaker 4:
[74:53] Someday?

Speaker 6:
[74:53] Yeah.

Speaker 4:
[74:54] It's the best song ever.

Speaker 6:
[74:55] I love The Strokes.

Speaker 4:
[74:55] Same. I love them. And every time I've tried to see them live, I always get fucked because my friend never wants to go. They're always playing at a festival I'm at and I always miss them.

Speaker 6:
[75:03] Damn.

Speaker 4:
[75:04] But they're playing at Coachella this year.

Speaker 6:
[75:05] Are you going to go?

Speaker 4:
[75:07] Yeah.

Speaker 6:
[75:07] Nice.

Speaker 4:
[75:08] Do you like Vampire Weekend? Yep. I love Vampire Weekend.

Speaker 6:
[75:10] Really?

Speaker 4:
[75:11] Yeah.

Speaker 6:
[75:11] Do you like McGee?

Speaker 4:
[75:13] Yeah, I like Are You Looking Up?

Speaker 6:
[75:15] I love McGee.

Speaker 4:
[75:16] What's your favorite Vampire Weekend song?

Speaker 6:
[75:20] Campus.

Speaker 4:
[75:22] Okay. Minus Step. Great. What's your second favorite?

Speaker 6:
[75:29] Oxford Comma. I like that era.

Speaker 4:
[75:31] Okay.

Speaker 6:
[75:32] I like Step 2.

Speaker 4:
[75:33] When you listen to them on the Upper West Side, do you feel like you are them?

Speaker 6:
[75:36] Like at Columbia?

Speaker 4:
[75:37] Yeah.

Speaker 6:
[75:38] Kind of. Somebody's stopped, somebody heckled a Please Don't Destroy live show one time. We were doing someone else's show, and we were in the middle of a sketch, and they were like, You guys look like Vampire Weekend. Crazy. That's nice. We were kind of dress preppy.

Speaker 4:
[75:53] Do you take it as a compliment?

Speaker 6:
[75:55] No. I mean, we were in the middle of doing a sketch. It feels like they weren't loving what we were doing.

Speaker 4:
[76:01] I love what you do.

Speaker 6:
[76:02] Thanks, Jake.

Speaker 4:
[76:03] Speaking of, what did we learn today?

Speaker 6:
[76:05] What did we learn? I think we learned that you and I have a lot of work to do.

Speaker 4:
[76:15] I was about to say a long road ahead.

Speaker 6:
[76:17] We have a long road ahead in a beautiful way.

Speaker 4:
[76:19] Because I was going to say, we're both committing to it.

Speaker 6:
[76:21] Yeah.

Speaker 4:
[76:21] Do you know what I mean?

Speaker 6:
[76:22] I'm in.

Speaker 4:
[76:23] I'm in.

Speaker 6:
[76:24] I'm all in.

Speaker 4:
[76:24] I'm all in.

Speaker 6:
[76:26] We're going to hang out and we're going to...

Speaker 4:
[76:30] Do you think it's going to be like this?

Speaker 6:
[76:32] No.

Speaker 4:
[76:33] I don't think so.

Speaker 6:
[76:33] I don't think so. I think as soon as the mic is off, we're going to be like totally...

Speaker 4:
[76:37] Oh my God. So normal, so great, like the second we stop recording.

Speaker 6:
[76:42] Yeah, 100%. But my question is, are we going to allow people into this dynamic that we're having or not? I'm open to both.

Speaker 4:
[76:53] What do you mean?

Speaker 6:
[76:54] Are we going to keep parts where we're going, is this weird? Are we feeling okay? We're going to keep all that?

Speaker 4:
[76:58] Of course.

Speaker 6:
[76:59] You think so? You think we have to?

Speaker 4:
[77:00] It's...

Speaker 6:
[77:01] You think it's a no-pointing?

Speaker 4:
[77:02] It's endearing and beautiful.

Speaker 6:
[77:03] It's endearing? Okay, good.

Speaker 4:
[77:05] It's beautiful. Like we're being so vulnerable and honest.

Speaker 6:
[77:09] Okay. I'm scared. I'm not going to lie.

Speaker 4:
[77:12] You are?

Speaker 6:
[77:13] Yeah.

Speaker 4:
[77:14] Don't worry.

Speaker 6:
[77:15] Okay. What did we learn? We learned...

Speaker 4:
[77:19] I learned what chopped Unc meant.

Speaker 6:
[77:21] Yeah.

Speaker 4:
[77:22] From you.

Speaker 6:
[77:23] From a chopped Unc himself.

Speaker 4:
[77:24] Yeah.

Speaker 6:
[77:28] I think we learned that you just have to like, like you know the answer in your heart, and you just have to take action. And it's easy to talk about something, but it's hard to take action. I've learned that you shower face down, lying down. Why am I adding face down?

Speaker 4:
[77:49] No, I shower sitting down.

Speaker 6:
[77:51] You said lying down.

Speaker 4:
[77:53] Yep. I also do that.

Speaker 6:
[77:54] Face down?

Speaker 4:
[77:55] Like this.

Speaker 6:
[77:55] Okay. Up. Face up.

Speaker 4:
[77:57] Yeah. And I learned that like I've developed a beautiful friendship with you today.

Speaker 6:
[78:02] I know. I really, I really see...

Speaker 4:
[78:03] And I mean that shit.

Speaker 6:
[78:05] I think that we're going to hang out.

Speaker 4:
[78:07] I know.

Speaker 6:
[78:07] We're going to end up like...

Speaker 4:
[78:09] What are you doing Friday?

Speaker 6:
[78:11] I think I'm busy.

Speaker 4:
[78:12] Okay.

Speaker 6:
[78:13] No, I'll hang out Friday.

Speaker 4:
[78:15] Okay, cool.

Speaker 6:
[78:15] I have no plans. Let's hang out Friday.

Speaker 4:
[78:17] I have a work dinner. You want to get drinks after?

Speaker 6:
[78:18] Let's do it. See you there. Should we do an open mic? I'm too scared.

Speaker 4:
[78:21] No. Let's go. Let's do drinks.

Speaker 6:
[78:22] We gotta ease into it.

Speaker 4:
[78:23] Let's go to a bar. Let's get drinks. Call it a day.

Speaker 6:
[78:25] Talk shit.

Speaker 4:
[78:26] Okay. Well, Ben?

Speaker 6:
[78:28] Jake, thank you so much for having me.

Speaker 4:
[78:30] Thank you so much for coming on the show.

Speaker 6:
[78:32] It was an honor. I'm sorry I didn't bring presents like Marcel.

Speaker 4:
[78:36] Oh, that's okay.

Speaker 6:
[78:37] Do most people do that or?

Speaker 4:
[78:38] No, it was just him.

Speaker 6:
[78:39] Yeah, totally.

Speaker 4:
[78:40] Do you want to give a little bye, pussies?

Speaker 6:
[78:42] Bye, pussies. Do you want me to do it again?

Speaker 4:
[78:47] No.

Speaker 6:
[78:50] Bye, pussies.

Speaker 4:
[78:52] Louder.

Speaker 6:
[78:53] Bye, pussies.

Speaker 4:
[78:55] Ben. Thank you.

Speaker 6:
[79:02] Bye, pussies. Thank you, Jake. I love you.

Speaker 2:
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