transcript
Speaker 1:
[00:01] Thanks for listening to The Von Haessler Doctrine podcast. Follow The Doctrine on YouTube, Facebook, Twitch, Instagram, and Twitter for even more content. Our one of The Von Haessler Doctrine begins right now. I'm your host, Eric Von Haessler. Surrounded by a full house of doctrinaires, Tim Andrews is here, Autumn Fisher is here, George Clark is here, and yes, ladies, Jared Yamamoto is here. And you know what? We don't usually take request from the dance floor. But on this day, once a year, there is always a request.
Speaker 2:
[00:52] Eric Von Haessler.
Speaker 3:
[00:54] It's Earth Day. I kept my kids home from school.
Speaker 1:
[01:03] There you go. Okay, sharks.
Speaker 4:
[01:20] Where else are you gonna walk? Let's go now! Look at that!
Speaker 1:
[01:37] I can't even remember who that was, like some preschool teacher or something?
Speaker 5:
[01:40] Yeah, she went viral.
Speaker 6:
[01:42] Celebrate Earth Day!
Speaker 2:
[01:44] Is she the guacamole?
Speaker 1:
[01:48] You know what, you should look in to that, because I don't know. Because I've never heard the Guacamole song.
Speaker 6:
[01:52] Guacamole, that's pretty much it.
Speaker 1:
[01:55] I remember her before she sold out, you know, with the Earth Day song. Guacamole, what's that? She's just trying to make money.
Speaker 3:
[02:00] People have been reaching out all week. I know Tim, like Lil Nas X, the panini.
Speaker 1:
[02:05] Yeah, exactly right. Guacamole is her panini, as far as I'm concerned.
Speaker 3:
[02:10] People have been reaching out all week for this song.
Speaker 7:
[02:12] Oh, I got messages for it. I had to tell Jared this morning, I just said, celebrate Earth Day.
Speaker 3:
[02:16] I was like, how did Mike Hewitt get more open mics about it, too?
Speaker 8:
[02:19] I usually celebrate privately a happy Earth Day, Eric Von Haessler.
Speaker 1:
[02:24] Very nice.
Speaker 2:
[02:24] He was celebrating privately in a walk-in fridge?
Speaker 1:
[02:28] Yeah, it does sound like it. What was going on there? Or a wind tunnel of some kind. He was celebrating privately.
Speaker 8:
[02:33] I usually celebrate privately a happy Earth Day, Eric Von Haessler.
Speaker 1:
[02:37] Is he like an 18-wheeler, maybe? He's just kind of idling?
Speaker 7:
[02:41] Yeah, maybe.
Speaker 1:
[02:41] He's got that kind of feel to it.
Speaker 7:
[02:43] He used coconut oil lube today.
Speaker 2:
[02:46] That's right. Because you're celebrating privately.
Speaker 1:
[02:49] You are celebrating privately Earth Day.
Speaker 7:
[02:53] That's correct.
Speaker 1:
[03:00] It's a very fine line between I've waited a year and I've had just about enough. There she is.
Speaker 4:
[03:08] Celebrate Earth Day.
Speaker 1:
[03:12] Maybe you ought to come up with another Earth Day song or something.
Speaker 6:
[03:16] Reuse, recycle, refill.
Speaker 1:
[03:22] And here it is.
Speaker 6:
[03:24] Re-duce.
Speaker 1:
[03:24] With a bullet. Number one with a bullet.
Speaker 9:
[03:27] Celebrate Earth Day. Compost your dead dog.
Speaker 1:
[03:36] That was a multi-leveled reference. Jared laughed at it. There's no way. There's no way he gets that joke because that was deep. That was deep.
Speaker 2:
[03:47] Deep cut.
Speaker 7:
[03:47] Do you get it?
Speaker 3:
[03:48] Surface level humor.
Speaker 1:
[03:49] Surface level humor.
Speaker 2:
[03:51] We're all laughing.
Speaker 7:
[03:52] I'll send you the link and you can watch it.
Speaker 1:
[03:54] It's a very famous...
Speaker 9:
[03:56] I'm trying to do an up tempo record and you're telling me about this GD Dogdie.
Speaker 1:
[03:59] So there's a very famous thing where he goes crazy on his crew because he can't figure out a way to work this dead dog into a dedication for a song.
Speaker 9:
[04:10] Oh, our dog died. Now, wait a minute. You can have me going... Now, you always do this. I'm going into one of those up tempo records and I got to talk about an effing dead dog.
Speaker 1:
[04:23] One of the greatest like, would you call it bloopers, whatever, like one of the greatest of all time.
Speaker 2:
[04:26] Yeah, it's up there with the, we'll do it live.
Speaker 1:
[04:29] Yes, it's a we'll do it live kind of situation from a previous generation.
Speaker 7:
[04:34] If you listen to all the outtakes that that producer leaked, there's one that's so subtle that no one ever plays, but he's reading the liners and he goes, Maine's home, Maine's number one most listened.
Speaker 9:
[04:45] He goes, I'm not going to say that ass. How do I know they're Maine's most listened to?
Speaker 2:
[04:50] I guess I verify it.
Speaker 1:
[04:51] My credibility is on the line here. They might play this in 10 years when they've gone to some other format. Who knows?
Speaker 9:
[04:58] Ponderous.
Speaker 1:
[04:59] Ponderous. And I'm sure if Casey Kasem was with us today, he'd be celebrating our thing.
Speaker 3:
[05:05] Absolutely.
Speaker 9:
[05:06] As we all planting all natural hair dye.
Speaker 3:
[05:09] Trees everywhere. This is what you're supposed to do today. Go plant a tree today.
Speaker 1:
[05:13] Go plant a tree?
Speaker 2:
[05:13] I will not do that because I don't have a tree to plant.
Speaker 3:
[05:16] I hate trees.
Speaker 1:
[05:17] Can I tell you something? I don't hate trees, but I live in basically a city in the forest. If there's anything, Atlanta could do with a few fewer trees, I think.
Speaker 2:
[05:27] Few fewer.
Speaker 1:
[05:27] A few fewer.
Speaker 3:
[05:28] You're going to make them upset? You're going to make Mother Earth upset today?
Speaker 1:
[05:30] I'm not saying, I'm not going to go rip them out.
Speaker 6:
[05:32] I'm angry at you.
Speaker 4:
[05:34] Mother Earth is mad at you.
Speaker 6:
[05:37] I'm mad at you because today is Earth Day.
Speaker 1:
[05:41] What are you, Mother Earth? What are you, some kind of thought police? I didn't say I was going to go out and harm anything.
Speaker 6:
[05:47] I just said, personally, we don't need more trees.
Speaker 1:
[05:53] You ever try to drive down North Avenue? My goodness, there are trees in the middle of the road.
Speaker 6:
[05:59] Because I am a planet.
Speaker 1:
[06:01] It's a street, lady. It's a street, lady, North Avenue. There are roots. I think they did finally take care of that, didn't they? Close to manuals. Except for years. This tree, the roots had broken through the sidewalk and it was all the way out, almost halfway into the road. And not a lot of lighting on that road if you leave manuals at, I don't know, 10, 30, 11 o'clock at night.
Speaker 3:
[06:24] Yeah, you got a jeep. You just drive right over.
Speaker 1:
[06:25] Oh, because you're better.
Speaker 6:
[06:26] The tree was there first.
Speaker 1:
[06:28] Yeah, but I'm here now, mother earth.
Speaker 2:
[06:30] And you are a mean man.
Speaker 7:
[06:32] You're in its home.
Speaker 6:
[06:32] Who wants what?
Speaker 1:
[06:33] What am I?
Speaker 7:
[06:34] You're in its home.
Speaker 1:
[06:35] I'm in its home?
Speaker 7:
[06:36] Yes.
Speaker 1:
[06:37] Well, let me tell you something.
Speaker 6:
[06:38] I don't have a gender, even though I'm mother earth.
Speaker 1:
[06:41] Mother earth? Let me tell you something.
Speaker 6:
[06:44] What?
Speaker 1:
[06:44] I'm the new owner. And you are kicked out. I'm the landlord.
Speaker 4:
[06:48] You're kicked out. Typical for a man to say he owns earth.
Speaker 1:
[06:50] See, I knew it. I knew you were like a whole gender thing.
Speaker 6:
[06:53] The dinosaurs own it more than you.
Speaker 1:
[06:55] You are a radical. Oh, you want to go back to the dinosaurs? Let me ask you something, mother earth.
Speaker 6:
[06:59] All you've done is conquer my body.
Speaker 1:
[07:02] You're damn right I have. It's ours.
Speaker 2:
[07:07] Give me that earth body. I want to put a street on it.
Speaker 1:
[07:09] We'll do whatever we want with this earth.
Speaker 2:
[07:11] Yeah, I want to pay for it.
Speaker 1:
[07:12] It belongs to us. That's a big ocean. We're at the top of the food chain because we have abstract thought and a opposable thumb.
Speaker 6:
[07:20] A bear would fight you in the forest.
Speaker 1:
[07:21] Yeah, but the bear doesn't understand. You know what the thing is? The bear never produced a Shakespeare. It really comes down to that.
Speaker 2:
[07:27] You always say that.
Speaker 1:
[07:28] That's the important thing.
Speaker 2:
[07:29] That's the only metric.
Speaker 1:
[07:30] If you want to give it back to the dinosaurs, are they ever going to come up with anything that even compares to Romeo and Juliet? I ask you, and I rest my case.
Speaker 2:
[07:40] That's so funny.
Speaker 1:
[07:41] The earth is better off with people who can... Now listen, we pretty much stink when it comes to art now, but we had our day. The dinosaurs, all they did was eat and poop. They just eat and poop.
Speaker 2:
[07:53] And procreate.
Speaker 1:
[07:54] Eat, poop, procreate.
Speaker 2:
[07:55] And then go ahead and go extinct.
Speaker 1:
[07:56] Hey, look, there's a lot of people who live that life.
Speaker 2:
[07:58] Yeah, they weren't even cool enough to keep going. They had to go up and die.
Speaker 1:
[08:02] Oh, what? You would stand up to that asteroid?
Speaker 2:
[08:05] Hey, I'm trying to side. I can't side with this guy.
Speaker 1:
[08:07] You can't side with a dinosaur?
Speaker 6:
[08:09] I'm trying to side with you.
Speaker 2:
[08:10] And now you're like, oh, now you hate the dinosaurs?
Speaker 1:
[08:13] I'm telling you. No, you're supposed to hate the dinosaurs. You're Mother Earth.
Speaker 6:
[08:17] I was...
Speaker 1:
[08:18] No, you're love... No, wait a minute. You love the... Okay, I got lost there.
Speaker 6:
[08:20] Mother Earth sounds like this, can't you tell? That's one of my favorite songs.
Speaker 1:
[08:30] I know I was still with you in spirit. I don't know what happened there, but I was still with you in spirit. I was rowing along.
Speaker 3:
[08:36] Maybe we haven't uncovered all of the dinosaurs' art yet. You know what? It's probably still fossilized.
Speaker 5:
[08:40] I don't know.
Speaker 1:
[08:41] It's called oil.
Speaker 2:
[08:43] No, that's their bones and that kind of stuff.
Speaker 1:
[08:46] That was their art. Their life was art. What is oil?
Speaker 2:
[08:48] Isn't it their bones and stuff?
Speaker 1:
[08:49] It's everything.
Speaker 4:
[08:51] How is it not their bones?
Speaker 7:
[08:53] Their bones are in rocks.
Speaker 1:
[08:54] Yeah, their bones. Listen, it's everything that deteriorates. Don't get George Clark going. He doesn't even think there ever was any such thing as dinosaurs.
Speaker 2:
[09:03] Let's for real talk about oil. What is it?
Speaker 1:
[09:06] Okay. It's all the vegetation and all of the biological stuff that's in it. All that stuff. All the goo? All the, well, it becomes goo, because it...
Speaker 2:
[09:17] And how does it turn to oil?
Speaker 1:
[09:18] Well, it takes billions, I don't know, millions and millions and millions and millions and millions and millions of years.
Speaker 6:
[09:24] We need to get...
Speaker 1:
[09:25] Some people do question this.
Speaker 6:
[09:27] Well, we're not talking about those people.
Speaker 1:
[09:29] Well, hold on. Suddenly they're the bad people, if they happen to be right. You're asking the same question.
Speaker 2:
[09:34] It brings in the wrong element. I'm trying to think about where oil... What is oil? Is it bugs?
Speaker 1:
[09:40] It's everything that is... Over time, you know, the Earth... There could be civilizations down there we've never even seen before. The Earth, you know, through volcanoes and stuff, it just kind of becomes... If we just stopped right now, in some number of millions of years, everything would be gone and it would just be like a... And all that stuff gets compounded upon and somewhere in that pressure, then it goes from being living forms and stuff into oil, right?
Speaker 10:
[10:09] Okay.
Speaker 2:
[10:10] So if a dinosaur lays down and dies, okay? And then he like decomposes and seeps into the ground, right?
Speaker 1:
[10:21] No.
Speaker 2:
[10:22] What do you mean, no?
Speaker 1:
[10:23] Not exactly, because the dinosaurs, no, it's more like what happens in over millions and millions of years is they don't have to seep into the ground. The ground is...
Speaker 7:
[10:32] Absorbing them.
Speaker 1:
[10:34] Yeah. There's volcanoes and stuff, put more stuff out there, and the surface gets different levels, and down four or five levels is where the dinosaurs laid down.
Speaker 2:
[10:44] About a week or two.
Speaker 1:
[10:46] Okay.
Speaker 2:
[10:46] So it takes about a week or two for stuff to decompose and turn into oil?
Speaker 1:
[10:50] It takes millions of years.
Speaker 3:
[10:52] Whichever way Jim and I says.
Speaker 1:
[10:54] If you think about these levels, everything at a certain level, it's vegetation, life, everything, has all the pressure, all the pressure has turned them into oil.
Speaker 3:
[11:06] Eric is basically right here. It says oil is created.
Speaker 2:
[11:08] I was getting there.
Speaker 3:
[11:09] Oil is created.
Speaker 1:
[11:10] What's your problem? I was getting there. You were getting there.
Speaker 2:
[11:13] Yes, I was.
Speaker 1:
[11:13] You were going to get there by seven.
Speaker 2:
[11:16] Well, look, the dinosaur lays down, his goo seeps into the earth, and then that happens all over the world.
Speaker 7:
[11:25] It's pressure. It's pressure.
Speaker 2:
[11:26] Yes, it does eventually.
Speaker 1:
[11:28] The earth covers the dinosaurs up.
Speaker 2:
[11:30] That earth gets covered up by more earth, and then that gets so compacted, I guess, that it turns into something like that. Yeah, so I was getting there.
Speaker 1:
[11:40] No, they don't sink into the earth. The earth overwhelms their bodies.
Speaker 2:
[11:45] No, your guts, right. Okay, and a fox lays down-
Speaker 1:
[11:48] Yes, volcanoes and whatever.
Speaker 11:
[11:50] Now we're talking about guts, though.
Speaker 1:
[11:52] Oh, yeah, this is getting good.
Speaker 2:
[11:53] A fox lays down in your backyard, in your half acre.
Speaker 1:
[11:56] Now add 5 billion years or 5 million years.
Speaker 2:
[11:59] I know, but I'm saying it's coming from all the goo and the mud and the- Eggs.
Speaker 1:
[12:05] It becomes. It becomes goo. Let's get the AI overview.
Speaker 3:
[12:11] You sure? I feel like you guys got your own thing going.
Speaker 2:
[12:14] We're getting there. We're getting there.
Speaker 3:
[12:16] All right, this is what Jim and I says here.
Speaker 1:
[12:17] This is a very special episode of The Von Haessler Doctrine.
Speaker 7:
[12:20] This is all we're going to talk about for the next four hours.
Speaker 2:
[12:22] People are afraid to ask these types of questions, but we're not.
Speaker 1:
[12:25] No, well, I didn't ask the question.
Speaker 2:
[12:28] You're kind of asking it.
Speaker 7:
[12:31] You begged the question.
Speaker 1:
[12:32] I begged the question.
Speaker 7:
[12:33] I still don't know what that means.
Speaker 1:
[12:34] It means what you said made it obvious that a question needed to be answered, although you didn't actually ask the question. Yeah. Okay. Your statement begged the question.
Speaker 3:
[12:45] Does that question get compounded over millions of years?
Speaker 1:
[12:47] Yeah, it takes a very long time, probably a billion.
Speaker 2:
[12:49] If a question lays down, its goo comes out and it becomes oil.
Speaker 1:
[12:53] Autumn, do you know why we took over after the dinosaurs?
Speaker 2:
[12:58] Yes.
Speaker 1:
[12:58] And what's that?
Speaker 2:
[13:00] Because we were small little rodents, mammals and things.
Speaker 4:
[13:04] We were underground.
Speaker 1:
[13:06] That's how we stayed away from the dinosaurs, by digging underground. And then all of a sudden, one day, who was the first mammal rodent that peaked its nose out for like the fifth time in like two weeks? Where did they go?
Speaker 2:
[13:18] Her name was Sarah.
Speaker 1:
[13:19] Yeah. Oh, had to start with a woman, huh?
Speaker 2:
[13:22] Hell yeah.
Speaker 9:
[13:22] Let's go eat their guts.
Speaker 1:
[13:28] I do need an AI over here.
Speaker 3:
[13:29] Yeah, you guys, so Eric is probably the closest.
Speaker 1:
[13:38] I was trying to do that thing from the Rick Jackson.
Speaker 7:
[13:45] We need a gong in here.
Speaker 4:
[13:47] Oh, is there a gong?
Speaker 7:
[13:48] No, but that would just make it better. Number one son.
Speaker 2:
[13:55] The wisdom of the Orient didn't bring you vapes.
Speaker 1:
[14:00] All right, I want to know the AI overview.
Speaker 3:
[14:02] From Gemini, oil is created over millions of years from the buried remains of marine microorganisms such as plankton and algae, which settle on the seafloor. These organic materials are covered by layers of sediment and subjected to intense heat and high pressure, transforming them into hydrocarbon-rich liquid or crude oil.
Speaker 9:
[14:23] That's why it can't run out, by the way.
Speaker 2:
[14:25] Nobody said, none of us said anything about the ocean. So that was our blind spot.
Speaker 7:
[14:29] What are you, Jerry?
Speaker 1:
[14:32] It's only three quarters of the earth. Why would we even think of it?
Speaker 7:
[14:35] But that's why it won't run out.
Speaker 2:
[14:36] You talked about volcanoes.
Speaker 1:
[14:37] Yeah, well, there's volcanoes underground. There's in the ocean too.
Speaker 2:
[14:41] That's true. And all those little things that shouldn't be alive.
Speaker 1:
[14:44] Yeah, they're down there. They live off the chemicals. The earth breaking open. How do you live that life? How do you live one of those weird fish, the eight billion feet down below the ocean?
Speaker 2:
[14:53] I think there are some down there and they want a pen and paper to talk about Shakespeare, but they just don't.
Speaker 1:
[14:58] Yeah, well, it's too bad for them. We got to find that oil. They ain't got no abstract thought nor a opposable thumb.
Speaker 3:
[15:05] Want to end this issue with the Strait of Hormuz? Let's find this oil down there. Let's go.
Speaker 1:
[15:08] That's right. It'll only take 20, 25 years.
Speaker 3:
[15:11] We got this.
Speaker 9:
[15:11] We have frogmen that are done looking for the oil. We're gonna find it. We're gonna roll that oil. The great, beautiful US frogmen.
Speaker 1:
[15:20] So, there's 91 counties in the state of Georgia that are under a mandatory no burn, but we're not one of those counties?
Speaker 3:
[15:29] Correct. Basically, like, if you're thinking about the state of Georgia, imagine from Macon South, all of those counties.
Speaker 1:
[15:34] Let me think about the state of Georgia and not the girl Georgia I knew.
Speaker 7:
[15:37] It looks like a pregnant woman's torso.
Speaker 6:
[15:39] Hello, Georgia.
Speaker 7:
[15:41] Well, it does.
Speaker 1:
[15:43] OK, so it's Macon down, from Macon down to South.
Speaker 3:
[15:46] Macon South, there is a big fire near the Oakey-Fanoakey swamp now that's active. Right now, there's been a couple of pets that have lost their lives.
Speaker 1:
[15:53] I am surprised that there haven't been more fires. We have not had rain. It seems to me like it's been a month. And I'm talking about a rain, not that it's sprinkled or it looked like rain for a few minutes. Is this ever going to end? We do need rain. I like sunshine.
Speaker 3:
[16:08] Christina Edwards is predicting a 60% chance of rain on Saturday. Scattered storms.
Speaker 2:
[16:13] Scattered storms coming up.
Speaker 3:
[16:15] Here we go, Christina.
Speaker 1:
[16:16] See, I'm not blaming you, Christina Edwards, for this drought, but I kind of am, because you're the one closest to it. And I feel like maybe you could have done something about it. But you just let it happen.
Speaker 2:
[16:25] Always blaming the women, including Mother Earth.
Speaker 1:
[16:29] Can't win with these ladies now.
Speaker 2:
[16:30] She's my homie, and you're incorrect.
Speaker 9:
[16:33] Wait, Christina Edwards.
Speaker 5:
[16:35] Christina Edwards.
Speaker 1:
[16:37] I'm Mother Earth.
Speaker 2:
[16:39] I'm Mother Edwards. Christina Earth.
Speaker 1:
[16:43] Christina Earth. I'll believe it when I see it, because it's going to be one of those things where it's going to rain for an hour, and it's not going to be enough.
Speaker 2:
[16:54] It is real stormy.
Speaker 1:
[16:55] I think it's endless. I do. I see what's going on with the Strait of Hormuz, and it's not raining for a month. I really feel like I get my papers together, but I think we're all going.
Speaker 7:
[17:04] Yeah. You don't need your papers, unless you want to eat them.
Speaker 1:
[17:07] The good thing about right before the very end is you can just get super lazy.
Speaker 7:
[17:11] Yeah.
Speaker 1:
[17:12] There is no future to plan for.
Speaker 7:
[17:14] You're not making-
Speaker 1:
[17:15] Glass half full with this guy.
Speaker 7:
[17:16] You're not making pennequin in your basement, so you have something to eat?
Speaker 1:
[17:19] I don't know what that is.
Speaker 7:
[17:20] Pennequin is the- you take meat with a little fat in it, kind of dehydrate it, and you add some fruits or whatever, and then it lasts for 20 years.
Speaker 1:
[17:28] Here's my plan if the S- I'll write that down. Really hits them. You can forage for this stuff in your neighbor's backyards.
Speaker 7:
[17:34] Yeah, you do need salt.
Speaker 6:
[17:35] Meat. Okay.
Speaker 1:
[17:38] What was I going to say? The end of days, the food situation, I think my plan is, I don't plan at all, and if things don't get really, really bad, I just start showing up at neighbor's homes or people that love the show and say, hey, you're not going to leave Eric Von Haessler outside, are you? Come on. Your favorite radio host, your favorite radio host, you're just going to leave him starving outside? Come on. Hey, who gave you many years of radio enjoyment? That's my plan. Lock him out.
Speaker 7:
[18:10] Well, they'll come over and turn your hot tub into a stew pot.
Speaker 2:
[18:13] That's right. They just want you to stay in there. Yeah, stay a little longer.
Speaker 1:
[18:16] Oh, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2:
[18:17] Get nice and tender. You like carrots?
Speaker 1:
[18:21] Oh, I hadn't thought about that. I could cook my neighbors. Yeah. I hadn't thought about that one. You should be encouraged. I'm going to be fine. I only have two kids. You know, a couple of grandkids and a daughter-in-law. We'll make it through. We'll just poach a neighbor here or there.
Speaker 6:
[18:35] Yeah.
Speaker 2:
[18:36] There you go.
Speaker 1:
[18:36] And that'll probably last for like three months. You know, you get a big guy.
Speaker 7:
[18:40] You can make pemmican out of them.
Speaker 6:
[18:42] Salt, peat, fruit people.
Speaker 3:
[18:45] You should be encouraged, guys. David Gross, who won the Nobel Peace Prize in Physics. And he's saying that we have about 35 years until global catastrophe. So longer than you think.
Speaker 1:
[19:00] Well, what makes him such an expert, is he a soothsayer?
Speaker 3:
[19:03] Yeah.
Speaker 1:
[19:04] No, the soothsayer isn't a scientist. A soothsayer just kind of looks into a boiling cauldron or a...
Speaker 2:
[19:11] He's a science soothsayer...
Speaker 1:
[19:11] .magic ball.
Speaker 3:
[19:12] He's basing it off of...
Speaker 1:
[19:14] He's a science-sather.
Speaker 2:
[19:15] Science-sather, soothsayer.
Speaker 3:
[19:17] He's basing it off of all the different countries that have not gotten nuclear weapons. He figures in 35 years...
Speaker 1:
[19:22] Oh, he figures. Somebody could use one tomorrow. Why does he figures? Now, I get what he's saying is, there is a point at which the next country that gets their own nukes, then it becomes inevitable. There is some kind of point where there's... I don't know if you've looked around the world and noticed, human beings have trouble getting along. They seem to have trouble sharing the planet with one another. I find it ridiculous. But people like fighting and killing other human beings. Am I wrong? History tells me the number one hobby and sport of human beings over time is killing other human beings because it makes them feel safer.
Speaker 3:
[20:07] But those humans are doing something that I don't like.
Speaker 9:
[20:10] That's a different book than I do.
Speaker 1:
[20:11] And have you tried it?
Speaker 2:
[20:13] Because maybe it's really fun.
Speaker 1:
[20:15] Well, there's that. And also, if we don't kill them now, surely they'll kill us later. So we better get to killing.
Speaker 3:
[20:23] 2061 is the year that everything is expected.
Speaker 2:
[20:26] How old will I be?
Speaker 1:
[20:28] Dead.
Speaker 2:
[20:28] 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7.
Speaker 1:
[20:30] Is that a weird thing? It's a weird thing where you're glad that, oh, I'm just going to die the natural way. I don't want to die in a nuke. I just want to slowly, you know.
Speaker 7:
[20:40] I want my body to consume itself.
Speaker 1:
[20:42] Exactly. We'll turn you into oil here.
Speaker 2:
[20:44] I'm adding my loved ones.
Speaker 1:
[20:46] Yeah, exactly. Make my children's lives miserable.
Speaker 9:
[20:50] Yeah. Oh my God, I didn't die in a nuke.
Speaker 2:
[20:56] I'd much rather watch them suffer through the last years of my life.
Speaker 6:
[20:59] Beep, beep, beep. Yay.
Speaker 1:
[21:03] By the way.
Speaker 9:
[21:03] It'll be $250,000, please.
Speaker 1:
[21:07] By the way, the subject of death comes up on the podcast, which is going to be attached to the end of this here show. Haven't done one in quite some time.
Speaker 2:
[21:14] I was going to say it's been a long time.
Speaker 1:
[21:15] Well, you did say it.
Speaker 2:
[21:17] You know what? I reckon it's been a long time.
Speaker 1:
[21:19] It has. It has been a long time. We're just going to, as it goes along, as long as we enjoy doing them, we'll do them. Then if we don't, we don't. Because my career isn't based on this podcast. It should be fun. Exactly. So we got together today and had a lot of fun talking about a lot of death. You'll enjoy it. I promise you, you'll enjoy it. If you enjoy good, interesting. If you're into death, this is the podcast for you. What a promo. Yeah. Listen, I'm good.
Speaker 2:
[21:51] You're like, I'm not going to do it if I don't like it, and it's about death.
Speaker 1:
[21:55] Hey, there's a reason. I'm a pro. I wasn't installed here. I know how to promote a show. I don't know the whole concept of podcast. Are they plateauing?
Speaker 7:
[22:04] It depends on what kind you're talking about.
Speaker 1:
[22:07] Yeah. Are there porno podcasts, I wonder?
Speaker 7:
[22:10] Yeah, the Rialto Report.
Speaker 1:
[22:11] What is that?
Speaker 7:
[22:12] It talks about classic 70s and 80s porn stars.
Speaker 1:
[22:15] They have a round table on.
Speaker 7:
[22:16] It's just one guy and they don't have some of them on. Like your favorites growing up, Christie Canyon.
Speaker 1:
[22:21] How do you know who my favorites were?
Speaker 7:
[22:23] I guess.
Speaker 1:
[22:24] Christie Canyon.
Speaker 7:
[22:25] Am I close?
Speaker 1:
[22:27] You know what? I didn't even get a VCR until 86 or 87, so it was all magazines to me. I can't remember who was in this particular issue of Swank. Who knows? I remember.
Speaker 7:
[22:43] You remember TT Boy who did three movies.
Speaker 1:
[22:45] Because I was in LA.
Speaker 9:
[22:46] Oh, when he was making up.
Speaker 1:
[22:48] But yeah, by the 90s, the Internet was here, and you had VCR and all that. But back in the 70s and early 80s, I just have memories of layouts.
Speaker 7:
[23:03] Good memories, I hope.
Speaker 1:
[23:05] Some of them are very good. Not all of them from, I told you I bought that issue of Hustler Rejects once. Some of those I've produced a little bit of PTSD. I have heard that we have other versions of Celebrate Earth Day coming. Stick around, stick around, because we don't just have, the original sounds a little bit like this. I believe we have bands in other rooms.
Speaker 7:
[23:47] Yeah, they're working on it right now.
Speaker 1:
[23:48] We got a punk version coming, we got a heavy metal version coming, death metal.
Speaker 7:
[23:52] Tiny Tim version, if I can figure it out.
Speaker 1:
[23:54] And if anybody remembers who Tiny Tim was?
Speaker 6:
[23:56] Tiptoe. Autumn.
Speaker 1:
[24:00] Well, isn't that, hold on, let's listen to the original Celebrate Earth Day. It's kind of the Tiny Tim version right there.
Speaker 6:
[24:10] Tiny Tina.
Speaker 1:
[24:11] Tiny Tina. Yeah, and the open mic at the beginning of the show that was talking about it, he kind of hit on something that reminded me. I mean, sometimes the listeners remember the stories I tell about my life better than I do.
Speaker 3:
[24:25] Would you like to hit the open mic again?
Speaker 1:
[24:26] Sure.
Speaker 12:
[24:27] Eric Von Haessler, it's Earth Day.
Speaker 3:
[24:31] I kept my kids home from school.
Speaker 10:
[24:34] I'm filling all my cars up with gas.
Speaker 12:
[24:36] Now play me my Earth Day song.
Speaker 1:
[24:38] All right, so that's the keeping his kids home from school because I did this a couple of years, especially with my younger son. And I don't remember how many years I did it, but I know I did it at least for one year, maybe two when Earth Day came up because he went to a real hippie school when he was young, super duper hippies. And so I gave him $100 to stay home. Not only did I not want him to be listening to everything that was going down at school that day, but I also wanted to teach him something about capitalism. I thought, this is back in my libertarian years, I thought I was quite clever. And now I probably realized, hey, I should just let him go to school. But you know, they're teaching a bunch of stuff. Listen, I don't know. Listen, you should be good to the Earth, I think. Everything that we have comes from the Earth.
Speaker 3:
[25:22] We've only had 56 Earth days. Think about how old the Earth is.
Speaker 1:
[25:25] Yeah.
Speaker 3:
[25:25] We've only been celebrating here for so long.
Speaker 1:
[25:27] Yeah.
Speaker 6:
[25:28] I think it should be longer.
Speaker 3:
[25:30] Thanks, Mother Earth.
Speaker 1:
[25:32] I don't want people listening to me to think I don't care about the Earth. I do care about the Earth. I think people should be near welcome. I think people, you're welcome. I think people, okay, you're welcome. I think that people should, everything comes from the Earth. You got to take care of it. It makes sense to me. But it's just that the whole Earth Day in schools, things, it became so political. It's like that whole thing. I don't know what's going on with the climate. I'm not an expert. I have no idea. The only thing I know is the whole damn discussion has gotten uber-super political. And once that happens, you got a bunch of people who want funds. You got a bunch of people on both sides, on all sides. All I know, and so I want the Earth to be, I celebrate the Earth. I want it to be healthy and robust. But this in the back of my mind, with my stupid brain, I do recognize that at a high university of research, an MIT or Harvard, whoever, I forget which college, which does the research, universities or colleges? Universities. If you get in one of these universities that does this high level research, what I know for a fact is you are never going to get a grant to do a study that proves that the climate is okay. And I'm not saying I believe that it is, I'm saying, so long as the government funds will never go to an alternate point of view, then I believe from where I am, a non-expert, I can't really ever declare that I know the facts. And because of that, I simply don't declare that I know the facts. I go back to the simple thing. You want pollution to be as low as possible and you want the earth to be healthy and robust. Why? So it can serve man.
Speaker 4:
[27:30] I haven't lost all of my libertarianism, thank you. No, no, no, no, no.
Speaker 3:
[27:38] Tina and I have been doing a very simple thing for Earth Day this year.
Speaker 1:
[27:41] Oh, no.
Speaker 3:
[27:42] It's been a very easy thing.
Speaker 2:
[27:43] We drive around the render.
Speaker 4:
[27:46] Is this anything that you picked up on TikTok?
Speaker 3:
[27:48] No, this is nothing I picked up on TikTok at all. This is a pothos plant that I've had since I was in college.
Speaker 1:
[27:54] Pothos plant?
Speaker 3:
[27:55] What's that?
Speaker 1:
[27:57] This is it? One plant? This is you think you're doing something for the earth? One plant in one life?
Speaker 3:
[28:01] Hear me out. I've had this plant since I was in college. So this plant is over 14 years old now.
Speaker 1:
[28:05] The things that plant saw and heard.
Speaker 11:
[28:08] This plant has seen a lot.
Speaker 1:
[28:09] He was there on fan day.
Speaker 3:
[28:15] That is quite a reference. But what we've done is this pothos has gotten so big now, we've propagated it. And so we've given some of the new, I guess, propagated plants to our friends and family.
Speaker 1:
[28:27] How do you know that they're going to treat it the way that you did though?
Speaker 3:
[28:29] Well, that's fine.
Speaker 1:
[28:29] They could die.
Speaker 2:
[28:30] How is that a birthday thing?
Speaker 3:
[28:31] Because we're giving plants to our friends and family.
Speaker 2:
[28:39] That's not a way to like save the earth.
Speaker 1:
[28:41] Yes, it is. How? They say plant plants and trees, plant trees. Plants, trees and plant trees.
Speaker 4:
[28:47] We're turning plants.
Speaker 3:
[28:49] We're turning plants.
Speaker 1:
[28:50] Plants, they take the carbon out of the air.
Speaker 3:
[28:51] Yeah, we have taken one plant and turned it into many plants.
Speaker 1:
[28:56] Yeah, what's wrong with that? Yeah. Hold on, let's hear the other side. How was it autumn again? How is that hurting the earth?
Speaker 2:
[29:04] It's not, I didn't say it was hurting the earth. What's it really doing?
Speaker 1:
[29:08] Well, you could say that about any one thing that any of us do.
Speaker 2:
[29:11] Does it really add up?
Speaker 7:
[29:13] Well, I am a billionaire and I have bought quite a few carbon offsets. Well, you're doing your part.
Speaker 1:
[29:19] That's right. So you can travel and fly every day of the year.
Speaker 2:
[29:22] The real way to recycle is to not throw things out so easily. Try and repair them or use them for something else. That's the real recycling.
Speaker 1:
[29:31] Be crafty?
Speaker 2:
[29:32] Yeah, be crafty with it. Recycling is like the truck that takes the recycling and then the plant that sorts it all and then the people that have to drive to the plant to sort the stuff. It's like all...
Speaker 7:
[29:45] The place where they burn it.
Speaker 1:
[29:47] It all ends up in the same place. I believe it.
Speaker 4:
[29:50] It does.
Speaker 1:
[29:51] It just all ends up in the same place. And China used to buy it, buy our recycle.
Speaker 7:
[29:55] They bought our plastic.
Speaker 1:
[29:57] Yeah, I thought it was the recycle.
Speaker 4:
[29:57] Don't they still?
Speaker 1:
[29:58] No, they stopped, I think.
Speaker 7:
[29:59] Yeah, they quit.
Speaker 1:
[30:00] They stopped. So now it's just all, yeah, why not? What the hell? I don't know if it is, but yeah, what the hell? Yeah, what do you mean? Why not?
Speaker 7:
[30:08] You mean like the other day, or about a week ago, I broke the glass part of my coffee pot. So now I have to use the French press. I feel, okay, that's great. So I just threw the coffee pot away in the garbage. I should have tried to repair it and find a replacement.
Speaker 1:
[30:23] Or maybe use it as a planter itself. Why not put a planter?
Speaker 2:
[30:28] Jared could have given you a propagated pothos plant.
Speaker 1:
[30:31] You missed your opportunity.
Speaker 2:
[30:32] Instead, you just threw it away.
Speaker 1:
[30:34] You missed his propagated pothos.
Speaker 3:
[30:36] I will happily bring you one if you want one.
Speaker 7:
[30:37] We have a lot of plants in the house.
Speaker 2:
[30:39] Do you want to propagate a pothos plant?
Speaker 4:
[30:41] Yes, please.
Speaker 6:
[30:43] I've had since puberty.
Speaker 3:
[30:46] How dare you?
Speaker 1:
[30:47] It sounds like a way to tell somebody else, go propagate a pathos.
Speaker 9:
[30:50] A pothos, a pathos, a pathos.
Speaker 2:
[30:52] Why don't you go home and propagate your pothos?
Speaker 1:
[30:54] I've never heard of a pothos. What's that look like? I don't have a green thumb.
Speaker 2:
[30:59] Green.
Speaker 3:
[31:00] It's such an easy plant to take care of.
Speaker 1:
[31:02] Is it a succulent? Now that you said that, I'm not all that impressed.
Speaker 2:
[31:06] You shouldn't be.
Speaker 1:
[31:07] It's not a big deal. It sounds like it takes care of itself. I'm with Autumn now.
Speaker 3:
[31:11] That's the whole point.
Speaker 1:
[31:12] She's won me over. BFD.
Speaker 3:
[31:14] I got it.
Speaker 1:
[31:14] How does that make you feel? I'm agreeing with the girl. How does that make you feel?
Speaker 3:
[31:19] You guys just care about your corporate interests.
Speaker 1:
[31:21] Oh, that looks like every other plant.
Speaker 3:
[31:24] It's a pretty plant.
Speaker 1:
[31:25] What are you talking about?
Speaker 3:
[31:26] It's a pretty green plant.
Speaker 1:
[31:27] It's just another plant.
Speaker 7:
[31:29] It's the easiest plant to grow, so good job.
Speaker 3:
[31:30] Thank you.
Speaker 1:
[31:31] Way to go.
Speaker 2:
[31:31] It doesn't take a lot to propagate it. It has these little nubs on it, and that's how you know, like that's the part you put in.
Speaker 1:
[31:37] You know what? Autumn is convincing me. I think that we should take you to court. I mean, you're out there.
Speaker 3:
[31:45] I'll just burn all my plants. I'll burn all my half plants. That's what you're saying.
Speaker 1:
[31:49] You're a con man because you're trying to present yourself as this lover of the earth, and it turns out that it's just an average plant that everybody can grow very easily.
Speaker 3:
[31:56] That's why we're being sweet. We don't expect anything in return. We're just giving it to our friends and our families.
Speaker 2:
[32:02] I got you a real boring, normal plant.
Speaker 9:
[32:04] It's not a boring plant.
Speaker 3:
[32:06] How dare you? That plant I have had since West Georgia.
Speaker 1:
[32:10] That plant puts me to sleep.
Speaker 2:
[32:12] That's right. It loves me and it raised me since I'm a child.
Speaker 1:
[32:16] If that plant gave a fireside chat, the fire would go out. That is a boring plant.
Speaker 3:
[32:22] Can't ever call it a boring plant. What is wrong with you guys?
Speaker 7:
[32:26] It doesn't even flower.
Speaker 1:
[32:28] That's what I'm saying. It doesn't even flower.
Speaker 2:
[32:31] It's just a filler plant. It's a plant you put in your house.
Speaker 1:
[32:34] A filler plant?
Speaker 3:
[32:35] How dare you?
Speaker 2:
[32:36] It's not like an orchid and that takes work and fertilizes it.
Speaker 3:
[32:40] We have an orchid in our house.
Speaker 2:
[32:41] Acid.
Speaker 1:
[32:41] All right, listen. You know what it is? It's a plant that is so boring that people probably usually think it's fake until they find out it's real. One of those plants. I'll bet you more fake plants are based on the pothos than any other. You showed that to me and I'm like, oh, I've seen that in lobbies all over the world.
Speaker 3:
[33:02] They're probably real because they're so easy to take care of.
Speaker 2:
[33:03] You know why? Because they're so easy.
Speaker 1:
[33:05] Good, because I took a whiz in one.
Speaker 3:
[33:07] You probably helped it.
Speaker 1:
[33:08] Now I didn't hurt it.
Speaker 3:
[33:10] Now people are propagating your whiz.
Speaker 2:
[33:11] Celebrate pothos.
Speaker 7:
[33:14] Pathos.
Speaker 1:
[33:15] Is it pathos or pothos?
Speaker 7:
[33:17] The plant is...
Speaker 1:
[33:18] Pathos is a good film.
Speaker 7:
[33:22] Sure.
Speaker 3:
[33:23] You also call it devil's ivy.
Speaker 1:
[33:25] Oh, that's... You know why? Because it's so boring. Somebody said, you know what? Let's kind of juice this up a little bit. What's the...
Speaker 9:
[33:31] I was going to bring you guys a propagating plant.
Speaker 1:
[33:33] Yeah. All right, George Clark just found this audio. And it's quite interesting because it's RFKJR. And this is him. Was it yesterday he was in front of the?
Speaker 7:
[33:57] He's been all week.
Speaker 1:
[33:58] He's been all week. And it's really, I guess they leave the mic on when the senators or congresspeople are asking questions. And RFKJR, you look at him, and you can dislike him. A lot of people don't like him at all, but he's in his 70s, and he looks very healthy. He works out. I mean, we saw that homoerotic workout with Kid Rock from a few weeks ago. And so he does, but he's all about health, healthy. All right, you got to listen to this on two levels. You're going to hear people talking. But underneath, RFKJR's mic is open, and you can just hear this labored breathing that is quite odd.
Speaker 12:
[34:38] You have done among the many that you described in your testimony. In that context, in your testimony, you identified nutrition as a bedrock of health and one of the primary levers for treating and preventing chronic disease. You also emphasize that it's imperative for our nation's health care providers to be equipped to incorporate nutrition into patient care. Securing commitments for more than 50 medical schools to provide...
Speaker 1:
[35:08] It's not funny. It's ironic. There's a juxtaposition here. That he's Mr. We gotta make everything healthy and sitting on his own. Because that's not to do with the thing. Is that the same thing that affects his voice?
Speaker 3:
[35:22] I don't think so.
Speaker 2:
[35:23] It must be.
Speaker 9:
[35:24] I had Mexican for lunch.
Speaker 1:
[35:27] A simple explanation.
Speaker 3:
[35:29] He would have a palate allergy or something like that going on.
Speaker 2:
[35:32] No, he would have an inhaler.
Speaker 9:
[35:35] Well, let me tell you, my doctor stuffed up a little.
Speaker 1:
[35:40] I was thinking about the whole story that came out in that book. So what happened was, the author of this book about RFKJR that just came out apparently got the diaries, I think it was like 20 diaries, from the sister of his wife who died. Did she commit suicide? Yes. I think that's the story. I could be wrong, but she wrote, it's not just the diaries have been published. She wrote a book about his life and she incorporates a lot of stuff from the diaries. And the big story from a couple of days ago was the time that he was driving along with his family and he saw a dead raccoon on the side of the road and he stopped and he got the raccoon because he chopped off the raccoon's penis and studied it when he got home.
Speaker 13:
[36:26] One of that bone.
Speaker 1:
[36:27] Whatever that thing is called. Some kind of tooth.
Speaker 2:
[36:30] Hillbilly.
Speaker 1:
[36:31] The lumberjack's toothpick.
Speaker 14:
[36:32] Something like that, yeah.
Speaker 1:
[36:33] So I was thinking about that. We had fun with that like everybody else did. Because the whole thing is, isn't that strange? He's driving along with his family. He sees a dead rat. The fact that he stops to do anything with a dead animal on the side of the road. And that is weird. But do you know what's stranger than that? I don't know why it took it so long for me to figure this out. What's stranger than stopping and chopping the penis off of a dead raccoon on the way home is going home and writing about it and documenting it in your diary. I think that's the thing that almost lets him off the hook. This guy really, like he wasn't trying to hide this. I was like, hey, he's gonna...
Speaker 2:
[37:17] I found it and I need to record it.
Speaker 1:
[37:19] To me, I don't know which is stranger. The fact that you stop and you do that or that you make sure that you leave copious notes about it.
Speaker 9:
[37:26] Well, we had eaten barbecue and I had brisket, so a lot of the meat was stuck in my teeth and we didn't have toothpicks. I needed one right away and it was opportunistic to pick it up.
Speaker 1:
[37:36] Are you able to work his labored breathing as a new element into your RFK?
Speaker 7:
[37:46] Darth RFK.
Speaker 1:
[37:48] Darth RFK.
Speaker 7:
[37:48] He used the force. Obi-Wan.
Speaker 9:
[37:53] It's been a long time, Obi-Wan.
Speaker 1:
[37:56] I don't want to be. If it's maybe the same thing that messes with his voice box, maybe it's the same thing. I don't know, but it sounds like breath. Although it has to do with breath, the way that he speaks like that, it's a very rare thing. But I believe it is connected to breath and the voice box, I think.
Speaker 2:
[38:13] It does sound like it because it isn't just breathing. It's some vocalization in there somewhere.
Speaker 1:
[38:20] Maybe he's just bored. Maybe he's just humming a tune.
Speaker 7:
[38:23] That's his bored noises.
Speaker 13:
[38:24] Yeah.
Speaker 7:
[38:25] He's humming.
Speaker 1:
[38:27] He's on his way out.
Speaker 7:
[38:29] You think?
Speaker 1:
[38:29] Yeah. He's on his way out. You can tell they've decided, this administration doesn't really care about anything, but they've just seen the numbers on vaccinations. And he is on his way out. But he's almost certainly going to run for president. I started thinking about the rundown of people who are going to run for president on the Republican side. It could be quite... These primaries in 28, it could be quite the circus because I hadn't thought about it before. I can't remember what I was watching. I always like to give the source. I was watching something that are going through the potentials. And Pete Hegseth might run for president.
Speaker 3:
[39:10] That would be wild.
Speaker 1:
[39:11] Won't that be a hoot?
Speaker 4:
[39:12] Wow.
Speaker 1:
[39:12] Won't that be a hoot? But RFK. Jr., Hegseth, of course, he got Vance and Rubio, but Marjorie Taylor Greene might jump in. Christie Nolan.
Speaker 4:
[39:22] Let's go, Buckle Up.
Speaker 3:
[39:25] Nikki Haley.
Speaker 1:
[39:26] Yeah, but she's boring. Okay, Nikki, we get it. Whatever the intelligence agencies tell you as a Neocon to do, you will automatically give a thumbs up and do it as long as they tell you to do it. Yes, we're all looking forward to that, Nikki. Hour two of The Von Haessler Doctrine begins right now. And it's Earth Day. People keep wanting to talk about Earth Day. They keep giving us open mics about Earth Day. Hold on. Hold on. Stop, stop, stop. It's called rolling up the windows before you call it. I know it's hot. Don't get me wrong. I don't know. Maybe there's no air AC in the truck. I don't know. But it's only good. You can only leave 30 seconds. So my suggestion is, listen, this person's listening. They're engaging with the show. I love this person. Just a little life hack, radio hack. You're going to leave an open mic and you're driving down the road. Just roll up those windows. That's all. Happy Earth Day to you. Happy Earth Day to you.
Speaker 12:
[40:41] Happy Earth Day, Eric Von Haessler.
Speaker 5:
[40:49] Happy Earth Day to you.
Speaker 1:
[40:51] Oh, that was quite lovely. Not quite as good as... That was the beginning of the Earth Day song again, just so you don't mind. Hold on. So we have... We know a lot of people, a lot of musicians. And so they listen, they hear, and they're like, hey, we love your celebrate Earth Day thing, but we think we can do better. So the death metal band, We Hate Everybody, good friends, I'm good friends with the band. We Hate Everybody came up with their version.
Speaker 2:
[41:51] I hate everybody.
Speaker 1:
[41:52] No, it's We Hate Everybody, but that's all right.
Speaker 6:
[41:54] I love We Hate Everybody.
Speaker 1:
[41:57] We have bands in different studios. I believe we have a K-pop band in a studio.
Speaker 3:
[42:02] In the Live Lounge. There's a live audience in front of them.
Speaker 1:
[42:04] Yes, and we'll have different versions throughout the... It took a lot of years, but finally all of our musical friends are celebrating Earth Day along with the rest of us. Think about it, people, what would we do without the Earth? I mean, we'd just be hanging in space.
Speaker 2:
[42:21] Just be flying through space.
Speaker 1:
[42:23] Your feet would never touch the ground. Celebrate. Celebrate the floor. At the very least, celebrate the floor of your life. That planet Earth.
Speaker 3:
[42:34] She's smiling right now. Mother Earth, she's smiling.
Speaker 1:
[42:41] I recycle too. How about that?
Speaker 6:
[42:43] I mean, that's kind of a scam, but...
Speaker 1:
[42:49] Even Mother Earth is on to the...
Speaker 2:
[42:51] I appreciate your effort.
Speaker 1:
[42:53] The recycling scam. All right, so what? Trump, was this today or yesterday? Trump was celebrating the UGA's national...
Speaker 3:
[42:59] This is earlier today.
Speaker 1:
[43:00] Tennis team. Now, I didn't even know that they won the national tennis champion.
Speaker 3:
[43:04] It's been a while, so it was May of...
Speaker 1:
[43:06] Well, it always takes like... It usually takes six months or so.
Speaker 3:
[43:08] It was May of last year when they won. In fact, the playoffs for the tennis start... That's a long time ago. Yeah, the playoffs for the 2026 tournament start in a couple of weeks. But they're getting celebrated now.
Speaker 1:
[43:18] I guess everybody had something to do. It took a while to get everybody all together. But of course, and you know, it's just... Everything is about... I know that he's kind of joking here. But the truth is so in there. And it's funny, as you're laughing at his joke, it's everything that's wrong with... And it's not as if other presidents haven't gone in this direction. But as a stated thing, it's everything that's... It's everything that this man doesn't understand about being president of the United States. To be the president of the United States, you fight like hell and you have a really nasty election. And then when you're elected, the first thing you have to think is, I am the president for everybody. Those who voted for me and those who voted against me. Now, I think he's kind of joking here, but there's truth in there. And I can give, you can say, Eric, you did, no, no, I can give you all kinds of evidence that these kinds of things are true. That, you know, he goes after states. He's more likely to go after a state that he didn't win. And he's more likely to look past a problem with a state that he did win. And it seems like a small thing, but it's kind of everything. Because in your mindset as president, in order to be a good president, as soon as the election's over, you have to think to yourself, I am equally the president of everybody who fought against me, spoke against me, voted against me. I am the president of the United States, and my obligation is to every one of its citizens. This is kind of a jokey thing, but it also shows it's always about him. He never celebrates them. It's always about their thing and how it connects to him.
Speaker 14:
[45:05] All I can say is go Bulldogs.
Speaker 13:
[45:06] It's a great state.
Speaker 8:
[45:07] I love that state.
Speaker 13:
[45:09] Did very well there too, in the election, you know. I only like the states that I went, so it's one of them.
Speaker 1:
[45:14] It's a joke, but it's not really a joke. It's a joke.
Speaker 8:
[45:16] The Georgia Bulldogs?
Speaker 1:
[45:18] Yeah, and also, another thing I've noticed about Trump is he doesn't, I don't think that there's anything in him, besides golf, golf and women, and he's too old for the second part.
Speaker 9:
[45:30] My kids, sort of.
Speaker 1:
[45:33] A little bit, depends on what day it is. But it's just, he just doesn't really, really love anything. It's just, the only thing that brings love out of him is he's noticed that somebody or something has shown love to him. So therefore, he, oh, I like that person. First thing, you walk up to Trump, I voted for you. Okay, you're in. You're in. It's like, it's all this sort of transactional thing. Because I, even though I didn't vote, I did think, well, one thing we'll get out of the second administration is we won't, he understands that these foreign wars. And I was surprised at first, but I'm not surprised anymore. He understood at the time that saying that he was against foreign wars would help him get elected. That's all that, you know, that's all that matters. There's not, there's no real soul there. Interesting, because we're constantly being preached to by the most soulless administration, the most transactional, soulless administration, of course, has the most religious imagery tied to it, you know. Somebody else I just saw on television, he's got the religious imagery behind him. Steve Bannon, you know, it's, it's Jen Blossom out front, pictures of Jesus behind him. And I heard that, that he is contemplating running for president of the United States. I want it to be such a circus. Anybody jump in. Anybody jump in. Cash Patel, run for president.
Speaker 2:
[47:19] I'm suing everybody.
Speaker 1:
[47:21] He just, just today, he had a lawsuit thrown out. And I saw it. Well, that was fast, but it was a different lawsuit.
Speaker 14:
[47:27] What was this about the Atlantic?
Speaker 1:
[47:29] No, no, the Atlantic is the new one.
Speaker 2:
[47:30] Somebody said the truth about me and it bugged me.
Speaker 1:
[47:33] This was something else about, oh, somebody was joking on CNN. And they said, yeah, I think they see Cash Patel out the nightclubs more than they see him at FBI headquarters. And he wanted to, he tried to sue them for literal like, I can prove that I'm at FBI headquarters more often than I'm in a nightclub. And the judge is like, it was a joke. Get out of here. The judges with this administration, they've gotten to the point where it's talked to the hand. They're tossing out lawsuits quicker than they can be processed, I think.
Speaker 7:
[48:06] Do you think they know that these are going to get tossed out?
Speaker 1:
[48:08] A lot of them they do. Yeah. Now, Cash Patel is just trying to keep his job. And he wants to impress Trump and whatever. Trump has this thing, which is, I may lose this lawsuit, but there may be four other people that are going to say the same thing and get a lot of press out of it. And they need to know, you're going to have to lawyer up, it's going to cost you some money. You'll probably win, but you have to, before you criticize, before the next person criticizes, do I want to go through six months of that and spend that kind of money? That's what it's for, which is completely illegal in this country. And if you're a powerful person, you're not supposed to try to scare other people with big lawsuits. They do this all the time. That's why when he announces a lawsuit, he'll say, like, for a billion dollars! Because it's just, okay, I'm going to lose that, I'm not going to get a billion dollars. But there could be four or five other people with just as much legitimacy who are going to say the same thing, who are going to see that I'm going to put them through this process, and that will shut them up. That's really what's going on. Cash Patel, he better be right. He better be right. He better, all of the things that the Atlantic said about his drunkenness and showing up with alcohol in his breath and passing out and pushing back meetings, all of that had better be completely untrue. Because if he wants to, the next step of the lawsuit is discovery. And once they get you in there, they can start asking questions about anything. We talked about this yesterday. Just exactly how often do you use the official FBI plane to cart your country and Western girlfriend singer around? All of these uncomfortable questions can be asked once you're in discovery.
Speaker 3:
[49:40] Celebrating with Team USA Hockey when they won the gold, too?
Speaker 1:
[49:43] By the way, I heard the word on that is that one of the reasons Patel might be on his way out, Trump did not like that. Number one, Trump likes to be the center of attention. Number two, Trump has never had a drink in his life and he can't stand the behavior of drunks. Number three, Cash Patel was in the spotlight drunk. And I don't even know if Trump touches this, but it was just so outside of protocol for the history of the country. I don't think that part, Trump, but apparently Trump did not like that. There was one thing, down in a beer.
Speaker 3:
[50:18] Yeah, it was odd imagery for sure. You're like, why is he in there? Like, of all the people to be in there, you don't expect him.
Speaker 1:
[50:22] Yeah, if I have a family member kidnapped or something, this is the guy I'm relying on. If there's human trafficking going through my...
Speaker 2:
[50:32] Well, the first strategy is to party with him.
Speaker 1:
[50:34] Yeah, yes, that's it.
Speaker 7:
[50:35] J. Edgar Hoover never did that.
Speaker 1:
[50:37] Well, listen, he never did that.
Speaker 7:
[50:38] He was just wearing a dress.
Speaker 1:
[50:39] He was just wearing a dress.
Speaker 7:
[50:40] And that's okay.
Speaker 1:
[50:41] Leave him alone. He's wearing a dress. Now, that's all.
Speaker 11:
[50:44] They're calling Kesh J. Edgar Boozer.
Speaker 1:
[50:46] Ah. Hey. J. Edgar Loser. Yeah, it's me. Anybody else? Anybody else go?
Speaker 3:
[50:53] Hey, I say, J.
Speaker 1:
[50:54] Edgar Loser.
Speaker 3:
[50:57] Hey, going back to the important thing here. Congratulations to UGA's Women's Tennis Team. Congratulations. We're genuine here on The Von Haessler Doctrine.
Speaker 2:
[51:04] Why is it called the Women's Tennis Team?
Speaker 6:
[51:05] Because it's a women's tennis team.
Speaker 7:
[51:07] It's a men's and a women's team.
Speaker 2:
[51:09] Do they call it the men's or they say the tennis team?
Speaker 1:
[51:11] All right. Do I have to really shut this down? Because everyone knows that the men are better. Who's the top female tennis player in the world?
Speaker 2:
[51:23] Is it still those two?
Speaker 3:
[51:24] It's not Serena anymore.
Speaker 1:
[51:27] When Serena was the top, they did a ranking if they just did men and women. And I believe she came in the 200s. Now that doesn't mean that she's... Yeah. I mean, it depends on how you look at it. She's the greatest female tennis player.
Speaker 4:
[51:44] That's right.
Speaker 1:
[51:45] But if you pushed it all in there, at one point, I believe, you can look this up, George, because maybe it was 170 or something, but it was like that. She was like the 200th best tennis player in the world. I'm sorry, you can hate me, but don't hate Mother Earth. It's Earth Day.
Speaker 4:
[52:02] It's Earth Day.
Speaker 1:
[52:03] So let's all get along. And by the way, I congratulate the tennis team at UGA as well. But we're not really all that sincere because it happened a year ago. Yeah, who cares? It's the first time we brought it up.
Speaker 8:
[52:19] Did George hear bulldogs?
Speaker 1:
[52:22] He doesn't hear bulldogs. I swear to you. Bulldogs?
Speaker 2:
[52:25] He apparently knows the word Georgia in that sentence.
Speaker 1:
[52:28] If you walked up to Donald Trump right now and said, Hey, Bert Jones told me to say hello. He would go, who? He would go, uh-huh. It's just in the moment. He's going to be the greatest governor you've ever had. I guarantee you if you walked up to him right now and said, Hey, Bert Jones, you would have to jog his memory to figure out who it was. I bet he'd know the music. Let's say, uh, no, that's not, that's Rick Jackson. I like that Rick Jackson with the, uh, good xenophobia. I like that. Let's say hello to Alex Williams. Alex says there's some good news. All right, we have very little time here because I kept rambling on before we broke. And not as an excuse, but maybe as an excuse. I'm surrounded by bad clocks today. The one in front of me says 12. The one to my left right now says 10. Um, my laptop is dying on me, so I can't see the part of the screen where the clock is there. So that's my way of excuse. And, uh, is that what?
Speaker 3:
[53:31] Bill Chiacchios is correct for some reason. His says 425.42.
Speaker 1:
[53:35] All right, well, I'm going with Chiacchios.
Speaker 7:
[53:37] That's a good choice. He should always go with Chiacchios.
Speaker 1:
[53:39] He's always very, he's a solid, solid citizen. Bill Chiacchios, he's very reliable. He's like somebody, like, if you could pick someone to be your dad.
Speaker 7:
[53:48] Yeah.
Speaker 1:
[53:49] I want that guy to be my dad. He's just, he's just like, he's just like a perfect dad. Oh, we do have enough time. So by you hear about that music, we were here for almost nothing. I apologize. That's my fault or the clocks. I mean, it's up to you. But we are going to make up for it by giving away a couple of tickets. Do I have that money? Yes, two tickets to Santana and the Doobie Brothers on Thursday, July 9th at Amerisbank Amphitheater. All you got to do is be caller number 10, the 404-872-0750. Tickets are on sale right now at ticketmaster.com. Alex Williams says there's a crash jam. Congratulations to Philip Jones of Fayetteville. One, two tickets to Santana and the Doobie Brothers on Thursday, July 9th at Amerisbank Amphitheater. Tickets are on sale right now at ticketmaster.com. I don't know why I had to look at that. I say that just about every single day of my life, but I don't want to give out the wrong information. We are a news and information station.
Speaker 3:
[54:50] That's right.
Speaker 1:
[54:51] People depend on us. Well, they used to. I guess they don't depend on us anymore.
Speaker 3:
[54:55] They absolutely so depend on us.
Speaker 1:
[54:56] Remember when they used to depend on us?
Speaker 14:
[54:57] Depend on it.
Speaker 1:
[54:59] Remember that? Whatever happened to the Wsb, I could depend on.
Speaker 7:
[55:04] What happened to the noise y'all used to make during storms?
Speaker 1:
[55:07] Yeah, all that. Whatever happened. Now we just got these people talking about Earth Day and panties and all. Who knows what?
Speaker 3:
[55:14] You know what?
Speaker 1:
[55:15] Who knows what?
Speaker 3:
[55:16] You know what, guys? There's still people that love us out there. Check out this open mic'er.
Speaker 8:
[55:20] Hello. This is Lena from Lawrenceville. I love The Von Haessler Doctrine, and I love his, Jared, I love his laugh. I love Autumn. She's awesome. I love Tim Andrews. He cracks me up with all his different voices. Eric, I love you because you are a straight shooter and not afraid of Trump.
Speaker 1:
[55:37] All right. Thank you very much. I appreciate that. But now I got a George Clark. What about me? First thing that happened.
Speaker 11:
[55:43] Hey, lady. Lena.
Speaker 1:
[55:46] You want to have it out with Lena? Is there something that I have done to offend you, Lena?
Speaker 11:
[55:51] All right, Lena.
Speaker 7:
[55:53] I like the way he put songs in.
Speaker 1:
[55:55] You know what? You can say, if you see me out, Lena, don't bother me with I'm a fan of the Von Haessler Doctrine. You just keep on walking past George Clark.
Speaker 11:
[56:04] I will not forget.
Speaker 1:
[56:06] He has got a long memory, like an elephant, that one. How do we know that elephants have such long memories? Did somebody ask them something about something 10 years ago?
Speaker 2:
[56:16] Would you like to really know?
Speaker 1:
[56:18] If it takes something less than 15 minutes.
Speaker 2:
[56:21] Okay, so an elephant dies and it gets soaked into the ground. And then its guts turn to oil.
Speaker 1:
[56:29] And then when it's oil, it remembers being an elephant.
Speaker 2:
[56:32] That's right. No, the real reason is because they travel like miles and miles and miles to the same watering holes and finding different vegetations and things. But don't birds do that?
Speaker 1:
[56:44] Birds do that?
Speaker 2:
[56:45] Yeah, so do butterflies. Butterflies go to like Mexico.
Speaker 1:
[56:48] Yeah, they all, I don't know the elephants. The gate was cheaper. Because I hope the elephants aren't as intelligent as we're told they are.
Speaker 2:
[56:55] They are really.
Speaker 1:
[56:56] Because I would hate it. Just a big old elephant pooping all the time, walking everywhere. Yeah, the trunk though. Yeah. If you are right, you get a...
Speaker 2:
[57:02] That trunk's pretty cool.
Speaker 1:
[57:04] Yeah, no, it's fine. If you're an elephant. And it's a matriarchy, which is awesome. I mean, ask that Merrick fella, he didn't like it as a human. What was his name? The Elephant Man? John Merrick. John Merrick.
Speaker 9:
[57:15] I am not an animal!
Speaker 3:
[57:17] I haven't seen anything about that guy forever.
Speaker 1:
[57:19] But it's so interesting that a trunk looks so good on an elephant and so bad on a human. I guess it's context.
Speaker 4:
[57:28] Yes.
Speaker 3:
[57:31] When you put it that way, yeah.
Speaker 1:
[57:32] I guess if your whole head was just a beautiful rose, it would not look good. People would be like, ah, no, your face is a rose. It's not beautiful.
Speaker 9:
[57:39] Here's a whole rose head.
Speaker 1:
[57:44] What is it? Did Trump say, what's trying to, United wants to take over American Airlines? Is that how this is?
Speaker 9:
[57:50] I think they want to merge.
Speaker 1:
[57:51] No, but American said no. United went to Trump, because it's the kind of, you know, what they call capitalism happens in this country now. Before they went to American, first they went to Trump and they pitched him on the idea of United taking over American. And I think they got kind of, but then American rejected it. And I guess Trump doesn't like the idea either.
Speaker 3:
[58:12] Yeah, he called in the CNBC and said this.
Speaker 13:
[58:14] With American, it's doing fine, and United is doing very well. I know the United people, they're doing very well. I don't like having them. It's just like all of these aerospace, defense companies and aerospace companies. We used to have hundreds of them, and now we have like a very small number, and you get one bid, and it makes them lazy.
Speaker 1:
[58:34] He's got a point there. No, he's got a point there. And you know, it's funny, this kind of crony capitalism, but pointing to real capitalism, competition in your field makes you better. You have to compete, and that means that you have to do something new, and you have to be novel, and you can't, you know, and you gotta invent something new, and you gotta stay, and that's why we love competition. And if you have less competition, then that is true. You get lazy. There's no reason to worry about it.
Speaker 9:
[59:03] You're right, Eric. We can't let it turn into radio.
Speaker 1:
[59:06] That's exactly correct. It's become so lazy and boring. That's why it comes easy to me. It fits. As a lazy, boring human being, I was built for this. Let's see. So wouldn't it be weird? Like I was thinking, how would you feel if you woke up one day, given your ATL cheerleading thing, Jared Yamamoto, and you woke up and you found out that Delta Airlines was being taken over by some other airline? Wouldn't you feel like some sort of, it's almost like a loss of sovereignty or something. You would feel something like that.
Speaker 3:
[59:48] It would be weird to see another airline.
Speaker 1:
[59:49] Like you lost a war.
Speaker 3:
[59:51] I mean, basically, I've grown up with Delta being a part-
Speaker 1:
[59:53] And your family worked there? You worked there?
Speaker 3:
[59:55] Yeah, for years and years. So it's always been connected to my family. So yeah, it would feel weird to feel-
Speaker 1:
[59:59] But it's connected to Atlanta.
Speaker 3:
[60:00] Yeah, for sure.
Speaker 7:
[60:01] Now it's Bama Airlines. Well, that can't make Jared upset.
Speaker 3:
[60:05] That can't happen.
Speaker 1:
[60:06] Where-
Speaker 3:
[60:08] But I think if any airline-
Speaker 1:
[60:09] United, one of them is out of Midwest. Where are the other carriers out of?
Speaker 3:
[60:15] I think American is Dallas, and I believe United is Chicago.
Speaker 11:
[60:19] LaGuardia, I believe.
Speaker 3:
[60:21] That could be right. Check me on that one.
Speaker 1:
[60:23] If only we had a machine that would fit in the palm of our hands.
Speaker 3:
[60:25] I like this guessing. This is fun. This is what I was talking about the other day. It's more fun to guess.
Speaker 7:
[60:28] Nobody guesses anymore. I'll just look at my phone. Come on, let's guess.
Speaker 1:
[60:31] That's entertaining.
Speaker 11:
[60:33] Jared was right.
Speaker 7:
[60:33] Chicago.
Speaker 1:
[60:35] Would you like to apologize to Jared first, the host or the audience?
Speaker 11:
[60:38] You know, I love how Jared just knows stuff about airlines.
Speaker 1:
[60:41] You come to appreciate that.
Speaker 2:
[60:44] He sounds like AI. You know, he was complimenting.
Speaker 1:
[60:48] Sure, yes, but you've got this.
Speaker 2:
[60:51] Setting your boyfriend on fire is a very creative way to get back at him.
Speaker 7:
[60:55] It fits The Von Haessler vibe.
Speaker 2:
[60:57] It is illegal. If you need some other creative ways, let me know.
Speaker 1:
[61:02] It does. AI will throw in there like the danger thing or the legal thing. It's everything it does because they're trying to make them seem human, right? So they never go, no, wait a minute, stop. It's always in that same sing-songy. It's highly illegal, but you've got other, would you like me to suggest other things?
Speaker 2:
[61:21] Setting your neighbor's apartment on fire is a very creative way, you know, like always really pleasant.
Speaker 1:
[61:26] Yeah, always pleasant, but however, is illegal in every state. Would you like me to give you some better ideas on how to get back at your neighbors? Some legal ideas? It's always in that same sing-songy kind of rhythm. And they're not going to understand how humans are until they have something in them to where you can actually shock it to go, Whoa! Whoa, MF'er! Hey! This is what AI does not have. Hey, hey, hey! It doesn't have that yet.
Speaker 7:
[61:57] Can you have Claude go through all the movies on your hard drive and say, make me the best goon tape of all time?
Speaker 1:
[62:04] I'll bet.
Speaker 7:
[62:05] Try it tonight. You have Claude.
Speaker 1:
[62:06] I don't have all. I don't have a. I have Claude. And I have a freak flag just as everybody else does. But I do not. I've never seen any reason to have a personal stash of pornography because it's all.
Speaker 7:
[62:20] What if the Internet goes out?
Speaker 1:
[62:21] Well, it's supposed to go out for a year. It's going to go out for a day. I can live.
Speaker 7:
[62:25] Who can wait a day?
Speaker 1:
[62:26] I got some memories up here. I got some. I got some. I can remember what I saw on mine.
Speaker 7:
[62:30] You don't need fuel?
Speaker 1:
[62:32] Yes.
Speaker 7:
[62:32] That's what they call it, goon fuel.
Speaker 1:
[62:34] Oh my goodness gracious. Goon fuel. If we don't get this straighter homoose open pretty soon, we're going to be low on that as well.
Speaker 9:
[62:42] Well, Australia should have thought about that before they got rid of their goon mine.
Speaker 11:
[62:46] You know how goon fuel is made? Put like a woman and a man and they sink it to the earth.
Speaker 1:
[62:53] Oh, no, that's exactly correct.
Speaker 2:
[62:56] Tell me more.
Speaker 1:
[62:56] Well, yeah, and then millions of years go by.
Speaker 3:
[62:59] It's compressed by heat.
Speaker 1:
[63:01] And then you get goon fuel. What is it, officially?
Speaker 7:
[63:07] What is what?
Speaker 1:
[63:08] Gooning.
Speaker 7:
[63:09] I can't describe it on the air without us getting in trouble.
Speaker 1:
[63:12] Okay, but I mean, I know that people are having sessions with themselves.
Speaker 7:
[63:16] All day, multiple screens.
Speaker 1:
[63:16] I caught you off on purpose on them because I don't trust you.
Speaker 14:
[63:19] Oh, you can trust me.
Speaker 7:
[63:20] They do it for a very long time.
Speaker 1:
[63:22] It's like they have like, it's almost as if they're air traffic controllers.
Speaker 7:
[63:26] Yes, there's a lot.
Speaker 1:
[63:26] But all the screens are like different pornography.
Speaker 7:
[63:28] Yes.
Speaker 2:
[63:29] And it doesn't have to be multiple screens, does it? Because it's to be like, not always. It's just a...
Speaker 1:
[63:33] Listen to an expert.
Speaker 2:
[63:34] It's just sexual arousal.
Speaker 7:
[63:36] No, no, just believe me, I know what I'm talking about. They have a bunch of screens and there's poppers involved, stimulants.
Speaker 1:
[63:43] You mean like, you get chilies?
Speaker 7:
[63:45] Yeah.
Speaker 1:
[63:45] Those jalapeno poppers. Jalapeno poppers. They're great. I should have sparked you up.
Speaker 3:
[63:49] Gemini has a pretty safe answer. That's arable.
Speaker 1:
[63:52] Ask Autumn if we can use it.
Speaker 3:
[63:54] Autumn, can we use the Gemini answer?
Speaker 2:
[63:56] Uh, sure. Go ahead.
Speaker 3:
[63:57] Okay. It says, in modern internet slang, gooning refers to a prolonged state of intense sexual arousal, often achieved through hours of...
Speaker 1:
[64:06] Yeah, we know.
Speaker 2:
[64:06] Yeah, yeah. Taking yourself to dinner for a long time.
Speaker 1:
[64:10] So the idea is you want to be completely useless the next day? Is that the idea? You want to get into the state. Not only do I get why they're doing it, but what I'm saying is it can't be like the next day you go to work and it's your best day at work, the most productive day you've ever had.
Speaker 7:
[64:25] Well, you got everything out of your system, maybe.
Speaker 1:
[64:28] It's not possible to get everything out of your system. So guess what happens? Well, I'd like to do another six hours the next day.
Speaker 3:
[64:36] Ask Dr. Joe about it. Oh, come here by five o'clock.
Speaker 7:
[64:38] Oh, well, my cure for gooning is you got to take a lot of magnesium.
Speaker 1:
[64:43] What is it? Saltpeter? Is that what that stuff is? You know what?
Speaker 9:
[64:46] That's saltpeter. I'll talk to you about it on air.
Speaker 1:
[64:48] It's not curing. You want to have not have any sort of...
Speaker 7:
[64:51] You want it to work if you're going to be doing all this touching.
Speaker 1:
[64:56] It seems like you could do other things like write a book or...
Speaker 7:
[65:00] About gooning.
Speaker 1:
[65:01] Fine. Not you, Dr. Jones. All that time, you could find one problem to solve. If everybody... This is my... I'm calling all gooners. We want two days a week from you to take that energy and each one of you tries to solve one problem.
Speaker 3:
[65:21] Wow. Dr. Goon is in the house.
Speaker 1:
[65:23] Thank you. How are you doing? Can you imagine how much energy you would harness? Just take... So what are these guys doing? Hours? Okay, six, seven, eight hours?
Speaker 9:
[65:34] Yeah, but you're always trying to get a personal best record.
Speaker 1:
[65:37] Okay, no, I'm beyond judging. I'm trying to do this right. I'm saying, imagine, I think that if you could take that, harness that energy, like once a week from all of the Gooners, and you just put all that energy into curing cancer.
Speaker 9:
[65:50] We wouldn't need to run.
Speaker 1:
[65:53] There's that, too. The viscosity. Isn't that the last thing Marlon Brando says in Apocalypse Now? Yeah.
Speaker 9:
[66:02] Oh, the viscosity.
Speaker 1:
[66:04] Alex Williams says, there's a crash clean up. Boy, I hope the microphone wasn't on. Audio gooning is still against the law. That's what I heard. And I guess I spoke for too long again. Not having clocks in the studio has had an effect. We keep overriding and we don't go to break on time. And then we get back. And as soon as we get back, you start hearing that music again. Not because we're music lovers, which we are, because George Clark's telling me to shut the hell up because we got to go to another break. Yes.
Speaker 3:
[66:41] Nice thing though, coming up at five o'clock, you get your chance for a thousand dollars of gas money.
Speaker 1:
[66:46] That is correct. And also, Doctor Joe is going to be here. I mean, if you got something better to do.
Speaker 9:
[66:55] I'll help you with a gun problem.
Speaker 1:
[66:59] If you got something better to do, then I guess, okay.
Speaker 3:
[67:02] See results right in the office.
Speaker 1:
[67:04] But in the five o'clock hour, we're going to have a lot of fun here. I'm trying to create that FOMO. I'm learning from Coachella. Trying to create that FOMO for people. Alex Williams is checking the rock. Ah, hour three of The Von Haessler Doctrine begins right now. It begins in a special way. It's WSB's A Grand for Gas Giveaway. This hour's keyword is Bucks, B-U-C-K-S. B, Tim Andrews. Stop looking at me like that. B-U-C-K-S. Go to the WSB Radio app or wsbradio.com/gas for your chance to win $1,000. Again, that keyword is B-U-C-K-S, Bucks.
Speaker 3:
[67:52] Remember, just after 5.30, you may get a call from an unknown number. Answer it, because it could be us telling you you've won $1,000 in gas.
Speaker 1:
[68:00] If you've put in the keyword.
Speaker 3:
[68:01] Correct.
Speaker 1:
[68:03] If you didn't...
Speaker 2:
[68:03] Should I answer the phone even if I don't put in the keyword?
Speaker 1:
[68:06] Yeah, it's up to you. It's up to you. But you do have to... Jared says that because you do have to answer the phone because we cannot leave you a text telling you...
Speaker 3:
[68:16] Or a voicemail.
Speaker 1:
[68:17] Or a voicemail. We have to contact you. And there has to be... What do you call it? It's kind of an eye-to-eye situation. We look at each other, we go, Okay, all right. Yeah, you're worth $1,000. And you look at us and go, Yeah, yeah, I like your programming. And then boom. Takes place. No texting, no voicemails. Answer the damn phone. Dr. Joe is here. Whoa, Miss Rebellion. No.
Speaker 5:
[68:39] I'll answer if it rings.
Speaker 1:
[68:41] You'll do.
Speaker 5:
[68:42] Right on the air.
Speaker 14:
[68:42] I don't care. I'm going to answer.
Speaker 1:
[68:43] You'll do whatever. Dr. Joe, you'll do whatever it takes to get one more minute of spotlight. Am I wrong?
Speaker 5:
[68:48] No, you can actually cry.
Speaker 1:
[68:50] Who is the bigger narcissist? The President of the United States or Dr. Joe?
Speaker 5:
[68:52] Oh, that's a tough call.
Speaker 1:
[68:54] What do you think? One has more power. So it seems a little more money. Yeah.
Speaker 9:
[68:58] And more people know who I am than know Joe.
Speaker 1:
[69:01] We know that. That's true, too.
Speaker 3:
[69:02] He is the number one Dr. Joe on Google.
Speaker 1:
[69:04] Are you the number one?
Speaker 9:
[69:06] No, but I am the number one Donald Trump in the world. There you go.
Speaker 5:
[69:09] Number one president, Google president.
Speaker 1:
[69:11] One of the jokes would stick forever. Weren't we calling him like Dr. Jesus or Dr. Christless because he said he thought he was a doctor? Yes. Like in other times, that would have stuck. Yeah, nothing sticks. And now it's just like, oh, that's that thing we said two weeks ago in snarky fashion.
Speaker 5:
[69:27] 24 hours ago, done.
Speaker 1:
[69:28] All right. We got a real doctor here, Dr. Joe.
Speaker 3:
[69:31] Yep.
Speaker 1:
[69:31] So what you got? It's Wellness Wednesday. So I want to start with the coloring one.
Speaker 3:
[69:38] I got you, man. Of course, from the press rundown, apparently you're down with OPP.
Speaker 1:
[69:42] You know me.
Speaker 3:
[69:43] I got you, buddy. Wow.
Speaker 1:
[69:45] Who did that? That was early nineties. You know, what's that? MC. Was that the crew, two live crew? No. No.
Speaker 2:
[69:52] Do you know what OPP stands for?
Speaker 1:
[69:54] I do. Yes, I do. I wouldn't enjoy the song if I didn't know.
Speaker 2:
[69:59] You can still enjoy surface level.
Speaker 7:
[70:01] Naughty by nature.
Speaker 1:
[70:02] Naughty by nature. There you go. Thank you, George. And Tim, you both work together.
Speaker 2:
[70:07] Co-lab.
Speaker 1:
[70:07] Both win.
Speaker 2:
[70:08] What about me?
Speaker 1:
[70:09] I don't need trouble on the set of The Von Haessler Doctrine, but as long as Autumn is here, there is going to be trouble on the set. So I might as well just get used to it. All right. You have a story about coloring?
Speaker 3:
[70:21] Well, yeah. I mean, I think everybody on the set probably needs this because apparently coloring for a few minutes a day may help reduce your stress. This is according to the press rundown, which is one of Eric's favorite sources.
Speaker 1:
[70:31] You know what else helps reduce stress? Growing up.
Speaker 5:
[70:37] I find that as you get older, things don't matter anymore.
Speaker 1:
[70:40] Yeah. So Autumn, you're saying you think it's nice. I think it helps people. I'm not telling people don't do something. I just feel like it's kind of a child's activity.
Speaker 5:
[70:51] No. Well, they have adult coloring books now.
Speaker 2:
[70:53] Well, adult coloring books kind of stink. They're always like stress ones and then you're coloring these like, what are they called? Mendalas?
Speaker 1:
[71:05] Mendalas.
Speaker 2:
[71:05] Mendalas.
Speaker 1:
[71:06] Thank you.
Speaker 2:
[71:06] I was like Nelson Mandela's.
Speaker 5:
[71:09] Yeah. You're coloring a picture of Nelson Mandela.
Speaker 12:
[71:11] It's very stressful.
Speaker 1:
[71:12] A mandala is kind of a mosaic sort of thing.
Speaker 2:
[71:15] Swirly twirly little wings everywhere.
Speaker 1:
[71:17] Swirly things.
Speaker 2:
[71:18] And then, so you're doing that, but there are some ones that are actually a little bit more childish, that are a lot easier and more fun. It's nice.
Speaker 1:
[71:27] Okay. Well, if people, I mean, as an adult, alcohol muckers. As an adult, you do that thing where you're on your elbows, laying down on your elbows, on your stomach, and coloring on the carpet.
Speaker 2:
[71:42] It could happen.
Speaker 1:
[71:42] Coloring book on the, you know, on one hand, I don't care if it helps people, it's fine. But I do think that there's a little too much of, I'm going to go back and be a kid. You know what?
Speaker 2:
[71:52] I think there definitely is that with like the adult ball pits and stuff like that. But this is just a relaxing thing.
Speaker 1:
[71:59] And also, everybody's not a natural artist, right? So it gives you a thing where you can actually, you can decide which crayons you're going to use and what it's going to look like. It's going to be Mickey Mouse at the end, but maybe it's a psychedelic Mickey Mouse. Yeah, I can see that.
Speaker 3:
[72:12] It's judgment free, too. If you're coloring your own coloring book, nobody's there to critique you.
Speaker 2:
[72:16] Oh, I'll tell you about it.
Speaker 5:
[72:18] When you die, your kids will go, they spent my fortune on this.
Speaker 1:
[72:22] On coloring books?
Speaker 5:
[72:22] They throw it away.
Speaker 1:
[72:23] Exactly. Yeah, it sounds like those little Zen garden, you know, those little sand things you get.
Speaker 7:
[72:32] Oh, with the rake?
Speaker 1:
[72:33] The rake, the little rake. It kind of sounds like it does the same thing. If you're just filling in and coloring, it's kind of, maybe it is good. Hey, listen, if it helps you out.
Speaker 5:
[72:44] Whatever gets you through the night, right? If that works.
Speaker 1:
[72:46] There's a little bit of the, you know, the infant, I can't say the word. Infantilization.
Speaker 5:
[72:52] Yes, infantilization. That's a good word.
Speaker 2:
[72:53] Infantilization.
Speaker 1:
[72:54] Infantilization, thank you. I knew the word Fanta was in there, because I love a great Fanta soda.
Speaker 3:
[73:02] By the way, click the microphone, type in Von Haessler, you get a free Fanta next Sunday.
Speaker 1:
[73:05] You get a free Fanta, it's Earth Day.
Speaker 7:
[73:10] It's in a paper bag.
Speaker 5:
[73:13] It's in a hemp can.
Speaker 1:
[73:15] All right, so color away, kids, adults, parents. It's something the whole family can do together. Everybody can stress, get rid of their stress together. Look, it's a stressful world.
Speaker 3:
[73:23] You get dad out of the goon cave.
Speaker 1:
[73:28] We got dad out of the goon cave. By the way, has there ever been a radio show in the history of the world that talked about gooning as much as this one? I don't think it's even close. We have won the blue ribbon on that.
Speaker 7:
[73:41] I heard a lot of it on the fish.
Speaker 1:
[73:43] Oh, well, of course. That's a natural. I think- They yelled at you for it. Heck, Seth has a weekend show where it's all about, it's called, I'm not going to say that.
Speaker 11:
[73:53] No, I'm not going to say that.
Speaker 1:
[73:55] I have a good joke, but I would have been tossed off the air immediately. I'm in a good mood. If I was in a bad mood and I wanted to be tossed off the air, you would have heard a great joke. All right, what's next?
Speaker 3:
[74:06] From the New York Times, influencers are going viral. They are spinning nicotine as a natural health hack.
Speaker 1:
[74:13] Okay, what is going on? What's the word spinning mean in this? I didn't understand that when I saw it. They're spinning.
Speaker 3:
[74:18] What does that mean? Well, because it's not typically perceived to be good, right?
Speaker 7:
[74:22] No, I mean like- Spinning, that is.
Speaker 1:
[74:23] So they're lying.
Speaker 2:
[74:24] Nicotine on its own, though, is kind of beneficial.
Speaker 3:
[74:27] There are health benefits to it, yeah.
Speaker 1:
[74:29] I'm not an expert. My understanding is with cigarettes, it's all the stuff around the actual nicotine that is where you get all the chemicals. I don't know that for a fact, this is just what I understand.
Speaker 7:
[74:38] I could be wrong, but it's a vasoconstrictor.
Speaker 5:
[74:40] Yeah, it helps with brain function, actually.
Speaker 7:
[74:43] But it's not a vasoconstrictor?
Speaker 5:
[74:45] I think it's a vasodilator, actually, yeah.
Speaker 1:
[74:47] But what we shouldn't be doing is taking these kind of tips off of anybody on TikTok, although Dr. Joe is on TikTok.
Speaker 5:
[74:54] We go viral.
Speaker 1:
[74:55] At this point, the show's been on so long, the snake is eating its own tail, you understand.
Speaker 5:
[74:59] I get it.
Speaker 1:
[75:00] But go ahead.
Speaker 5:
[75:02] Yes. There seems to be some benefits. It seems to help with Parkinson's and Alzheimer's, because it helps with circulation and it's anti-inflammatory.
Speaker 1:
[75:10] To strike nicotine.
Speaker 5:
[75:11] Yeah, nicotine pouches is what they're talking about.
Speaker 1:
[75:13] Now, do doctors prescribe this kind of stuff ever for some, like the pouch or the patch?
Speaker 5:
[75:19] The patch. Well, the pouch or the patch.
Speaker 1:
[75:22] Okay. Are those prescribed for anything other than people trying to wean people off of smoking?
Speaker 5:
[75:26] Yes. This is the new trend now. Okay. So it seems to have some medicinal benefits. It's anti-inflammatory. It helps with bowel function, mental health, ADD.
Speaker 3:
[75:34] I know that.
Speaker 1:
[75:34] I used to smoke a cigarette and it was like, boom. That was like five cups of coffee in one minute.
Speaker 3:
[75:39] Off you went, baby. Listen, you get one of those Zin pouches, man.
Speaker 1:
[75:41] Are they like that?
Speaker 3:
[75:42] Oh, yeah.
Speaker 1:
[75:43] The Zin pouches?
Speaker 3:
[75:44] Zin, ZYN.
Speaker 2:
[75:45] I want to do that.
Speaker 3:
[75:46] They're so cheap. You go to the gas station.
Speaker 2:
[75:48] I don't know if I want to like, will I get addicted to it? Will it give me rough cancer?
Speaker 5:
[75:52] There is a downside. There is burning and I tried it once. I remember back in college and, oh my God, like 30 seconds, I was ready to puke.
Speaker 1:
[76:00] You could have tried it with Xen, but Xen is different. Xen is not tobacco.
Speaker 3:
[76:04] It's clean. It's just clean.
Speaker 7:
[76:05] There's no tobacco.
Speaker 5:
[76:06] It's clean nicotine.
Speaker 7:
[76:07] You wouldn't have had those back then. You must have done a skull bandage.
Speaker 5:
[76:10] That's what it was. You had something along those lines. It was horrible.
Speaker 3:
[76:12] Get the low percentage though, because there's one that's like a 600 milligram. I'm probably getting that wrong.
Speaker 7:
[76:16] No, it's not that high.
Speaker 4:
[76:17] But, okay.
Speaker 1:
[76:18] Let's stop for one second. Let's stop for, yeah, there's one that's a million. Stop for a second.
Speaker 4:
[76:23] It's higher than the other one.
Speaker 1:
[76:25] Why do you want a new habit? So long as you don't have a habit and you're not addicted to something, why are you trolling and scanning for a habit that you might enjoy?
Speaker 2:
[76:36] Maybe I'd like get more done around the house. Mommy's a little helper type of thing.
Speaker 5:
[76:39] A cup of coffee will do that. Try that instead.
Speaker 1:
[76:42] I'm doing the espresso now.
Speaker 2:
[76:44] Coffee has calories.
Speaker 7:
[76:46] Not espresso, not if you don't put anything in it.
Speaker 2:
[76:48] I know, but I want to put stuff in it.
Speaker 1:
[76:49] Well, be a man.
Speaker 5:
[76:50] Be a man.
Speaker 1:
[76:52] Have your coffee black.
Speaker 7:
[76:53] Put butter in it.
Speaker 2:
[76:53] No, that only comes from World War I because sugar and things were difficult to get to carry into whatever.
Speaker 1:
[76:58] I don't like milk with sugar in my coffee.
Speaker 7:
[77:00] Yeah, put butter in it. Grass-fed butter.
Speaker 5:
[77:03] There you go. Yeah, get the bulletproof coffee it's called.
Speaker 2:
[77:05] I have heard that people put butter in coffee, but that's like-
Speaker 1:
[77:07] That's almost making me sick just thinking about it.
Speaker 7:
[77:09] If you emulsify it, it's mwah.
Speaker 2:
[77:10] Yeah, it's supposed to be pretty good.
Speaker 3:
[77:12] The nicotine butter, really good.
Speaker 5:
[77:13] Oh, there you go.
Speaker 2:
[77:14] Oh, yeah. Do I put a Zin inside my espresso?
Speaker 5:
[77:16] Yeah, exactly.
Speaker 7:
[77:17] Running through your Keurig.
Speaker 1:
[77:20] My espresso thing every morning because I got off the Keurigs. I'm like a barista.
Speaker 9:
[77:25] Bang, bang, bang.
Speaker 1:
[77:26] Banging that para filter.
Speaker 5:
[77:28] Good.
Speaker 1:
[77:28] All right, Alex Williams says, there's another crash.
Speaker 9:
[77:30] We're in the rock.
Speaker 1:
[77:33] Dr. Joe, let people know how they can get more Dr. Joe.
Speaker 5:
[77:35] Sunday nights right here, eight to 10. Love to have you tune in. We do a live show. We do take calls. I'm not as good as Eric. I need your help on the show.
Speaker 1:
[77:42] Who is?
Speaker 5:
[77:42] That's true. That's why you're number one goon show in the country.
Speaker 1:
[77:45] Of all the goons.
Speaker 5:
[77:46] Of all the goons, you're number one. If you have any health questions or would like to make an appointment, we have offices in Marietta Duluth and Stockbridge. You can go to drjode.com. Follow me on social media, Facebook, Instagram, YouTube, TikTok, and LinkedIn, Dr. Joe Esposito. We post two health tips a day, absolutely free, my gift to you.
Speaker 1:
[78:03] Oh, aren't you nice? You're a very nice person. Also, I want to make sure that we reiterate, it's the Wsb's A Grand for Gas Giveaway. This hour's keyword is B-U-C-K-S, bucks. Go to the Wsb Radio app or wsbradio.com/gas for your chance to win $1,000. What else do we have on this Wellness Wednesday for Dr. Joe?
Speaker 3:
[78:27] This is a bit of a scare here. Excessive napping later in life is not good for you. Apparently, it reveals hidden health declines in older adults.
Speaker 1:
[78:36] Now, Dr. Joe, I saw this headline. Now, because sometimes when you get older, I've many times heard, after somebody has a first heart attack or something like that, part of the prescription is take a nap every day. So is this when it's not being prescribed, when you just find yourself out of energy at 2 o'clock in the afternoon and you have to... Because if a doctor tells you to take a nap, you gotta take a nap, so this is not that, right? It's just not having the energy to get through the day.
Speaker 5:
[79:06] I think that's what this was talking about. They didn't talk about specifically. But yeah, if the more frequent naps, the morning naps, they're associated with higher mortality rates. Now we don't know why, but we can pretty much extrapolate that pretty easily, that your heart is weak, you're not getting enough oxygen, you're not getting enough blood, and it could be a mental thing too, it could be depression. As we get older, we need to keep our minds functioning.
Speaker 1:
[79:25] I could tell you, man, I've never been one to suffer from the... I'm not like anybody else. I mean, I've never had what you would call clinical depression. But I've had bouts, mostly on we, really. But as I've gotten older, you know what happens is, all this, you have a life, I think I've had a good life, I think I've been a very nice person, I've tried to help people in my life. But as you get to a certain age, you just remember all the things that you, every time you intentionally or non-intentionally screwed someone over, and it all kind of builds up. It was kind of a shock to me. I had to work through it after my 60th birthday. You've got your whole life behind you going, hey, what about me? You weren't so nice on that day, were you? And then you start thinking, I'm not a very good person. I've had those thoughts, I've had to work through that.
Speaker 5:
[80:16] Had you come to Jesus meeting with yourself and said, wow, I really got to straighten up. What do you do about it?
Speaker 1:
[80:20] Well, that's blasphemous. I would not come to a Jesus meeting with myself. That's putting myself in the, you just don't do that.
Speaker 5:
[80:25] Oh, I see what you're saying, putting yourself as Jesus. I was using it as a euphemism.
Speaker 1:
[80:28] I understand, you weren't meaning to say a thing.
Speaker 3:
[80:31] I thought I saw that image of you, where you were Jesus.
Speaker 1:
[80:33] Oh, the one I was drunk. I was drunk.
Speaker 5:
[80:37] AI and booze don't mix.
Speaker 1:
[80:41] I shouldn't have done that. Yeah, okay, so if you take a nap, you're pretty close to death.
Speaker 5:
[80:49] That's what you took away from that, right? Absolutely. One nap, you're done.
Speaker 7:
[80:52] You stay awake.
Speaker 1:
[80:54] That mental thing, though. If people are in their late 50s or whatever, I don't know, it's different. Everybody's life is different.
Speaker 7:
[81:00] Right.
Speaker 1:
[81:00] But I'm not somebody who has had to really work out issues like that throughout my life. But after 60, it took some self-therapy to go, okay, let's get some context for all of this. I think now when I do something very nice for somebody, I have to remind myself like six hours later, hey, you did that thing.
Speaker 5:
[81:19] You keep a log now, right?
Speaker 1:
[81:21] You're not such a terrible person.
Speaker 5:
[81:22] You want to get to heaven, you show it a log when you get there. You're after 60, I was pretty good after that.
Speaker 1:
[81:26] Then Autumn texts me and says, by the way, just in case you were wondering, you're still an awful person.
Speaker 4:
[81:31] Yeah, don't forget.
Speaker 1:
[81:32] You got to keep my feet on the ground, right?
Speaker 2:
[81:34] You're getting older and you're forgetting stuff, so I got to remind you.
Speaker 1:
[81:37] You're horrible. Alex Williams, oh, thank you, Dr. Jeff. Not for the horrible thing, but for everything else. Have a great week. Alex Williams says there's a stall. I'm looking around for the time. Okay, all right, very good. None of the clocks, none of the clock in front of me says one, and the clock to my left says noon.
Speaker 3:
[82:01] I kind of like it, you know, there's not really a time. Hey, man.
Speaker 2:
[82:05] Time's a construct.
Speaker 1:
[82:07] That's right, man.
Speaker 7:
[82:08] Anybody put a ticket in, man?
Speaker 1:
[82:10] No, they're working on them. Yeah, the engineers sometimes work on these clocks, and what I find interesting is that, why wouldn't both of these digital clocks just be the same?
Speaker 3:
[82:20] Well, because they're different.
Speaker 1:
[82:22] The one in front of me is not working, the one in front of me is zeros. So what I'm saying is, wouldn't you think that as digital clocks in a building, they would all be like you'd fix one thing, and that would affect every clock as opposed to each digital clock is completely separate? They give you different times? Kind of freaks me out, man. I know what you're saying. Look at your laptop. My laptop is crapping out. So I can't see parts of the part where the time is, it is not there.
Speaker 2:
[82:53] Why is that happening?
Speaker 1:
[82:54] Because I need a new computer, I think. That's my diagnosis.
Speaker 2:
[82:57] How long have you had it?
Speaker 1:
[82:58] You know what? That's the thing. I don't think it's been that long. I think it's only been a couple of years. But it's got the lines coming up and just like you can't see the whole thing. I looked it up and it is an issue with this particular model. I just have to go back. It's a screen. I just have to go back and see if I have some sort of warranty or something on it.
Speaker 3:
[83:18] I don't know. You probably do considering how many Apple products you buy.
Speaker 1:
[83:21] Well, not necessarily. By the way, we got a new guy in charge now. I guess Tim Cook is still there. Could have a new guy step in and go, hey, no warranties. New sheriff in town to buy yourself your own new computer. New computer. I was looking at their computers.
Speaker 14:
[83:36] Did you get the purple one?
Speaker 1:
[83:38] For sprying? It's for sprying.
Speaker 7:
[83:39] For sprying.
Speaker 1:
[83:42] By the way, how do I say this delicately? Because I'm really making fun of men. Men and men's brains. But have you ever looked up Tim Cook's partner?
Speaker 7:
[83:52] Yes.
Speaker 1:
[83:53] The thing that you find out is that it doesn't matter about sexuality. All men are the same. If you have enough money, you can afford to have a very good-looking young. It's no different than Bill Belichick. Let's say it. Your sexuality does not change the fact that you have a male brain. It really is just like, because I think Tim Cook's 72 or something, somewhere in there.
Speaker 7:
[84:19] You remember Liberace's partner?
Speaker 1:
[84:22] Not at the time. I only found out about that when the Michael Douglas movie came out.
Speaker 2:
[84:27] That was so good.
Speaker 1:
[84:28] I didn't watch the movie, but there was enough press around it that I would see. You'd see what it was all about.
Speaker 2:
[84:32] Matt Damon?
Speaker 1:
[84:33] Was it Matt Damon?
Speaker 7:
[84:34] Matt Damon and Michael Douglas.
Speaker 1:
[84:36] Michael Douglas. Yeah, it was good. But, you know, Liberace was a part of the entertainment landscape when I was growing up. And it was always like, is he, you know, whatever, you know, that's the way we would. But now it's like, well, of course, but as you grow up, but I, the story of this guy was not part of that.
Speaker 7:
[84:55] It was in the Enquirer. So if you weren't in that sphere, you know, that was the way you found out things like that back then.
Speaker 1:
[85:03] You know, why was Liberace popular on television? My understanding, and I don't know-
Speaker 9:
[85:09] If I had a candelabra.
Speaker 1:
[85:10] I guess. People do respect Liberace. Apparently he was a high level piano player, right? He wasn't a hack. Like he could hold his own. But that's, so that tells me that, you know, maybe I could understand, you know, why he was popular on the touring circuit or something, right? This guy, and he's, and he's wild and he wears these wild outfits and he's got candelabra. But on television, he had almost as wild and wacky as his clothes were. He had almost no personality. Like he never, he never looked genuine.
Speaker 7:
[85:48] No, he always looked tense.
Speaker 1:
[85:49] He looks like a fish out of water, but he was on every variety show, every talk show. I guess back then, just the, is he?
Speaker 7:
[85:59] Early television was about showcasing talent, like Lawrence Welk.
Speaker 1:
[86:05] Well, I told you the YouTube clip. Did you go watch that clip?
Speaker 7:
[86:08] Yes, I did.
Speaker 1:
[86:09] Where he, what is it? Feeling groovy. It was 1967.
Speaker 7:
[86:13] Slow down, you move too fast.
Speaker 1:
[86:15] But all these young kids are dancing and they're like feeling groovy. And then he comes in, like it's like two-thirds of the way through the whole presentation. And this is like the beginning of whatever variety show it is. And then Liberace comes out and his lyrics are something like, Hey kids, you're doing stuff.
Speaker 4:
[86:35] I want to see what's going with you.
Speaker 1:
[86:38] We're feeling groovy.
Speaker 7:
[86:40] That's how they bridged the World War II kids.
Speaker 1:
[86:42] Hippies were watching this.
Speaker 7:
[86:43] I know, but that's how they bridged the World War II folks and the hippies.
Speaker 14:
[86:47] Oh, is that a common?
Speaker 7:
[86:48] Yeah, the Liberace was safe for them. And then throwing in a little bit of the hippie stuff.
Speaker 1:
[86:53] But television was terrible. The variety.
Speaker 2:
[86:56] Yeah, anything that I watched from the past like that, except for like Sesame Street.
Speaker 7:
[87:01] It's comforting terrible. But it's comforting.
Speaker 1:
[87:03] Well, because it's nostalgic. But in reality, all of those variety shows were awful.
Speaker 2:
[87:09] The Sonny and Cher Show?
Speaker 1:
[87:11] Awful.
Speaker 2:
[87:11] Like to watch that front to back, like if you were watching it on TV with commercials, I can't imagine making it through that.
Speaker 1:
[87:17] Because when I was a kid, I would look forward to it.
Speaker 2:
[87:20] Right.
Speaker 1:
[87:21] I thought they were awesome. And then you go back on YouTube, because, you know, before the Christmas shows that we do every year, I just tend like a month earlier, I just start watching all these old specials just to get some ideas about something to go along. And it's impossible to get through these Sonny and Cher. The show was awful. Do you know who was a... I don't even remember this. Do you know who was a recurring guest, like, you know, like, oh, he's back on all the time in sketches and everything, was the guy who played Canon, that huge actor.
Speaker 7:
[87:54] William Conrad.
Speaker 1:
[87:55] Yes. He was like, Oh, William Conrad's back this week. He's hilarious.
Speaker 7:
[88:02] Because they would take stars from shows that were on those networks and put them in the morning.
Speaker 1:
[88:06] But it was more than this. Like, on the Sonny and Cher Show, like, William Conrad would, like, every third or fourth show because he's so hilarious. It's really... I used to look forward to watch the Sonny and Cher Show at, like, 1973. I was nine years old. I would look forward to it like crazy. I remember watching the very first one. I remember getting excited about it, seeing commercials for it before it even started. Because they would just seem to wacky to me. They were funny. Remember the CBSI? They would close on them or something. Like, they would be in it.
Speaker 14:
[88:40] Well, they were in the circle.
Speaker 1:
[88:41] Yeah, and then something would happen. I thought it was the funniest answer in the world.
Speaker 7:
[88:45] We were eating at Lums one night, if you remember. Lums!
Speaker 1:
[88:49] Lums. Was Lums ever down south?
Speaker 7:
[88:51] I don't know.
Speaker 1:
[88:52] Or was it a north?
Speaker 7:
[88:53] I think it was a national chain.
Speaker 1:
[88:55] Okay. It was a burger chain.
Speaker 7:
[88:57] Burgers and they had shrimp for kids. And I was eating shrimp. And I remember seeing Sonny and Cher come on the TV as we were leaving. And I said to my mom and dad, we got to go so we can get home and watch it. And by the time we got home, it was almost over. I was upset.
Speaker 1:
[89:10] And then you had to wait till the summer for it to rerun. It's a different world now, especially when you're a kid. Because like when I was, this is old timey hour, but when I was a kid, like if you missed Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer, it was on once a year. And if something went wrong or dad didn't get done something quick enough and get you home, you just missed it. You just went a year without it. Now there are kids who watch it every day, whether it's the Christmas season or not.
Speaker 7:
[89:42] Oh my God, you know how many times I watched Frosty last December.
Speaker 1:
[89:45] Do you have to really, kids you gotta, you know, just be there. You don't have to be there mentally.
Speaker 7:
[89:50] No.
Speaker 1:
[89:50] Kids don't.
Speaker 7:
[89:51] I don't want to check out. He's asking questions.
Speaker 3:
[89:52] Well, you forget how short those movies are. Like Frosty and Rudolph are, it felt like it was a-
Speaker 1:
[89:56] No, Rudolph is a little bit longer. Frosty was a half hour with commercials.
Speaker 3:
[90:00] As a kid, it felt long.
Speaker 7:
[90:01] Yeah, because you had commercials.
Speaker 3:
[90:02] But now, when you watch it, you're like, wow, that was really quick.
Speaker 6:
[90:05] You're like a Charlie Brown Christmas.
Speaker 1:
[90:06] For a while, every year when I was a kid, because I was dumb, because I was a kid, so I'd see it when I was six, and I'd see it when I was seven. I remember being let down at the beginning. Maybe both of them are like this, Rudolph and Santa Claus coming to town. They open up their news reels in black and white. Every year, I was such an idiot. I forget the other, what's this? Where's the talking deer?
Speaker 7:
[90:33] Did you look forward to 10 Commandments and Sound of Music and Wizard of Oz like that too?
Speaker 1:
[90:37] Wizard of Oz, yes. I didn't like musicals when I was a kid. When I was a kid, I only liked West Side Story. That was the only musical that I liked. So all the other ones, no. But Wizard of Oz, it would come on. No, what did you put in there? Oklahoma or something?
Speaker 7:
[90:50] No, no, no, I put in Sound of Music, which I didn't really care for.
Speaker 1:
[90:53] Sound of Music everybody loved. I've never seen it in my entire life. I saw the Carrie Underwood version.
Speaker 7:
[90:59] Yes.
Speaker 2:
[91:00] It's way longer than you expect it to be, and longer than you remember it, honestly.
Speaker 1:
[91:05] All right. We keep on talking because I can't see what clocks are on. I keep doing this. We'll probably come back and have one minute on the other side. That's my, I should be a more professional host.
Speaker 3:
[91:15] It's a minute for opportunity, Eric.
Speaker 1:
[91:18] That's right. It's a minute to produce something wonderful, and we're going to think about that as we go to a break. Alex Williams says it's a bumper to bumper ride. All right. Just like you and Sonny and Cher, we're all still celebrating Earth Day. And of course, we've been doing this for years, having that lovely song. And this time, all of our musical friends and bands decided to give us, we had that heavy metal, that death metal version, that was fantastic.
Speaker 7:
[91:48] What was that band called? We Hate Everybody.
Speaker 1:
[91:50] We Hate Everybody. And now we have the K-pop band that we are friends with, the She Sheds. Yeah. They have a version.
Speaker 3:
[91:57] There's like 20 of them in the band.
Speaker 1:
[92:00] Great dancers too. Go ahead. There you go.
Speaker 11:
[92:39] Wow, that's good.
Speaker 1:
[92:40] The Sheesheds. It's hard to say.
Speaker 7:
[92:42] Do you like the Korean in there?
Speaker 1:
[92:44] It's very authentic. Well, we tell them, we say, hey, don't go all English. Let people know.
Speaker 7:
[92:50] Should we post the entire version? There's one more.
Speaker 1:
[92:54] Yeah.
Speaker 7:
[92:54] Should we post all of them?
Speaker 1:
[92:56] Yeah, absolutely. Post them and the original, of course. And we have one more band out there. I'm not exactly sure. It's kind of a bro country thing.
Speaker 7:
[93:06] I think it's Luke Johnson.
Speaker 1:
[93:09] I was thinking, what to call them? Like Luke Eric.
Speaker 7:
[93:13] Yeah, there you go. Or Eric Lucas.
Speaker 1:
[93:16] Eric Lucas. There we go. Eric Lucas, a great bro country dude is out there. We'll get to that a little bit later. We won't overdo. We want to spread our Earth Day celebration.
Speaker 3:
[93:25] We'll hear from Eric Lucas.
Speaker 1:
[93:26] Not as good as CNN because right now, they're teasing that John Kerry is going to be on at 9 p.m. tonight. Will he still look like a tree?
Speaker 3:
[93:36] Hey, appropriate for Earth Day to have a tree on there.
Speaker 1:
[93:38] That's right. He's the...
Speaker 7:
[93:40] Remember, they tried to make him relatable as a hunter and he had this like $3,000 antique gun.
Speaker 1:
[93:45] Yeah, there was that. But you know, that's been going on.
Speaker 7:
[93:46] I'm hunting doves.
Speaker 1:
[93:47] They've been doing that with Democrats for a long time. I remember when Clinton was running the first time because it had been a while since there had been a Democrat president. And Clinton put together the Democrat Leadership Committee, I think it was, DLC, and his whole thing was to try to pull the party back to the center so that they could win a presidential. They were winning a bunch of other stuff. They had the House for like 100 years, but they couldn't win the presidency. And so that's why Gore joined the ticket because it was two Southerners because they wanted to really get, hey, we got Southerners here and we have that. And so at one point, they had Bill Clinton go hunting. And I swear to God, just the way that this looked was, they put them in the woods for a few hours. And then as he was about to walk out of the woods, there was somebody there who handed him like three dead turkeys or something. Probably ducks. No, they were ducks. They were ducks. And he kind of walked out of the woods with these dead ducks laying over his arm. I got three. It just looked like the most staged thing in the world. So I think that's the thing is like when you're trying to get that center right vote. He's a liberal, but he's from the south and he hunts.
Speaker 3:
[94:58] He was more successful than Dick Cheney out there.
Speaker 1:
[95:01] Dick Cheney. Shoots his friend in the face. With a friend like that, who needs enemies? Alex Williams says there are breakups. That is correct, Chiaccio. Hour four of The Von Haessler Doctrine begins right now. Excuse me? I said right now. Okay. It didn't really work that way because I went high, you went low. Actually, I went low, you went high. We'll do it again and I'll defer to you. That's right, Chiaccio. Hour four of The Von Haessler Doctrine begins right now. There we go.
Speaker 14:
[95:42] That's as high as I can get my voice.
Speaker 1:
[95:44] Well, it's nice to know. Are you working on that?
Speaker 14:
[95:47] No, I'm not working on it.
Speaker 1:
[95:48] Is that what you're working on, trying to get a higher voice?
Speaker 14:
[95:50] It's uncomfortable.
Speaker 1:
[95:51] What's that called when you go high like that? Falsetto. It would be quite a party trick, a novelty, as you attend your Manhattan cocktail parties.
Speaker 14:
[96:06] Which I do often.
Speaker 1:
[96:07] Break out in the falsetto. Did the Mets win?
Speaker 14:
[96:10] I put on a coat with tails.
Speaker 1:
[96:12] Did the Mets win or they lose again?
Speaker 14:
[96:15] They lost again.
Speaker 1:
[96:15] Do you believe in this Mom Donnie thing where Mom Donnie hugged Mr. Mett or something and they haven't won since?
Speaker 7:
[96:22] Again, Mrs. Mett.
Speaker 14:
[96:23] I love that, but I also found out today, and I didn't double check this, but apparently they had already lost one game. So it's not really like the losing streak started.
Speaker 1:
[96:31] It didn't help. You can put it that way. Actually, it had nothing to do with it.
Speaker 7:
[96:35] Hey, Josh Allen went to the Sabres game last night and they lost.
Speaker 1:
[96:39] Well, you know what? He tends to lose the last game of every year on his own team, so.
Speaker 14:
[96:44] He should stay away.
Speaker 3:
[96:45] You know, we have an entire package about this. They're calling this the Curse of the Mambeano.
Speaker 1:
[96:50] Oh, look at that. You know what that's a reference to?
Speaker 3:
[96:52] Of course, the Mambeano, Babe Ruth.
Speaker 1:
[96:54] OK, I don't know what the kids know.
Speaker 14:
[96:56] Absolutely. That was Boston, right? Boston got rid of Babe Ruth.
Speaker 1:
[97:01] And then they didn't win again until forever.
Speaker 14:
[97:03] Right. And then they won a lot.
Speaker 9:
[97:04] But we have a package for them.
Speaker 7:
[97:05] Not last night. Meet the Mets.
Speaker 10:
[97:08] Fans say the bad luck began when New York Mayor Zoran Mamdani met the Mets mascot and posed for a picture. That was on April 9th, and the team hasn't won a game since, losing their 12th straight last night to the Minnesota Twins. The mayor's response?
Speaker 1:
[97:23] I will accept being addressed as Mayor Mamdino.
Speaker 10:
[97:26] A nod to a New York Post headline playing on the famous curse of the Bambeano.
Speaker 1:
[97:30] That's why you knew?
Speaker 10:
[97:31] Because you heard the package. I've known about that.
Speaker 1:
[97:33] You liar.
Speaker 3:
[97:34] I've been a baseball fan my entire life.
Speaker 10:
[97:36] Mayor Mamdani?
Speaker 1:
[97:37] There's a lot of baseball left to be played. And I am still keeping the faith.
Speaker 10:
[97:41] Deborah Rodriguez.
Speaker 14:
[97:42] Nope, they're going to lose every game.
Speaker 10:
[97:43] CBS News, New York.
Speaker 1:
[97:44] Now here's the thing. Socialists do love baseball. Look at Cuba. They love baseball.
Speaker 14:
[97:50] It's strange. Baseball is the highest percentage of players who are conservative out of every sport, even hockey. Really?
Speaker 1:
[97:56] Because so many of them maybe come from places that are socialist. You know, you have, well, Dominican Republic is not socialist, right? I don't think so. But Cuba, Venezuela, up until we don't know what it is now. It's like a, I don't know, it's like a United States mall. I have no idea. Yeah, something along those lines. But they were socialists for a good long time, and they love baseball. You wonder if these people come to the United States, make a lot of money, and hate the way things were in their old country, and then they become like uber capitalist when they're here.
Speaker 7:
[98:34] Mariano Rivera was extremely conservative and he loved Trump.
Speaker 1:
[98:38] Really? Well, he's still around, isn't he? And you're not talking about him like he's not a player anymore. Okay.
Speaker 14:
[98:43] So he's not any person, not a player, you're nothing.
Speaker 3:
[98:46] Tim dismisses them. The second that they're not a player anymore, they're not worth it.
Speaker 1:
[98:49] Great thing about Tim Andrews, and he will say no, this isn't true. But he just likes to bring up Mrs. Met because it annoys him, that there's a Mrs. Met.
Speaker 14:
[98:59] It does, she has nice curves.
Speaker 7:
[99:01] There's no point, you have a Mr. Met, that is, you don't have to have a full-
Speaker 1:
[99:05] Why can't you have a-
Speaker 7:
[99:06] Why do you have to?
Speaker 1:
[99:07] I think Autumn needs to talk to you about this. Why can't you have a lady mascot?
Speaker 7:
[99:10] You can, but you don't need two.
Speaker 9:
[99:13] Everything has to be equal.
Speaker 1:
[99:14] I think it'd be nice if-
Speaker 14:
[99:15] I don't think he was born out of that. Tim, I'm with you on that when it's forced, but I don't know when Mrs. Met popped onto the scene, but she's fine.
Speaker 1:
[99:23] Find out, George Clark.
Speaker 14:
[99:24] And has a nice padded butt.
Speaker 1:
[99:26] When did Mrs. Met- I've never seen Mrs. Met.
Speaker 7:
[99:30] Do they have a San Diego chicken and a San Diego hen?
Speaker 3:
[99:33] I think it'd be nice for Blooper the Brave. Imagine if he had-
Speaker 6:
[99:38] Mrs. Blooper.
Speaker 7:
[99:39] He's androgynous. Blooper, he has no gender.
Speaker 11:
[99:43] Mrs. Met, formerly Lady Met, was introduced by the New York Mets in the mid-60s.
Speaker 1:
[99:48] Oh, right. It's nothing new.
Speaker 14:
[99:52] Who do you want to apologize to first?
Speaker 7:
[99:54] They didn't highlight that.
Speaker 9:
[99:55] I only know Mr. Met.
Speaker 1:
[99:57] Uh-oh, George. Did you give us bad information?
Speaker 11:
[100:00] They were phased out. Both of them were. Mr. and Mrs. Met were phased out, and then they were turned in the early 2000s.
Speaker 1:
[100:06] Now, what Tim wants to know is, was there ever a time that there was only a Mr. Met? Sounds to me-
Speaker 7:
[100:11] Oh, I'm sure.
Speaker 1:
[100:12] Well, he's not-
Speaker 7:
[100:14] He said they were both phased out.
Speaker 1:
[100:15] Well, maybe they didn't show her on TV.
Speaker 3:
[100:17] I mean, even-
Speaker 1:
[100:17] And maybe, and you're saying that was a better time?
Speaker 7:
[100:19] Well-
Speaker 1:
[100:20] When we ignored Mrs. Met?
Speaker 7:
[100:21] You had Morgana, the kissing bandit.
Speaker 3:
[100:24] Okay. No, here in Atlanta, remember, we had-
Speaker 1:
[100:26] She was rogue, man. She was controlled by no one.
Speaker 3:
[100:30] Don't forget, though, here in Atlanta, we had Chief Nakahoma for a long time and then Esquad. And then Princess-
Speaker 1:
[100:35] Talk to him, by the way, when we first came to town. Yeah? And, yeah, and I can't remember-
Speaker 14:
[100:40] Wasn't he Argentinian?
Speaker 1:
[100:42] Might have been.
Speaker 7:
[100:43] I think he's a Native American.
Speaker 1:
[100:45] I get it.
Speaker 14:
[100:46] I get it. There was something then, then there was some commercial where-
Speaker 1:
[100:49] No, no, no. When I was a kid growing up, a public service commercial that you would see all the time, and I'm talking about, I was like five, six, seven years old, was it was a Native American in a canoe. And there's all kinds of pollution in this river. And so there's like old newspapers on his paddle and stuff like that. He's paddling through all this pollution, and then there's one lone tear coming down his face. And then years later, I think the late 90s or early 2000s, they found out that he was Italian.
Speaker 14:
[101:20] Oh, no. That's what I was thinking at the end.
Speaker 1:
[101:22] Everybody ends up Italian. What the heck?
Speaker 7:
[101:25] It was an Italian actor.
Speaker 1:
[101:28] Also, the lady who was supposed to be a Native American who accepted the Oscar for Marlon Brando in 1973, or whatever it was, for The Godfather, was not. She was something. I don't know if she was Italian.
Speaker 9:
[101:43] Does she look like an Indian?
Speaker 3:
[101:47] But the point being with Mr. and Mrs. Met, Tim, even when the Braves had Chief Nakahoma, we had Princess Winolata.
Speaker 1:
[101:54] Winolata.
Speaker 7:
[101:55] Yeah, but nobody cared. They liked. They liked both. You're making me sound like a misogynist.
Speaker 1:
[102:00] I never, well, we're making you sound...
Speaker 7:
[102:05] These are not real things.
Speaker 3:
[102:08] Mrs. Met is real.
Speaker 1:
[102:10] It sounds to me like you're in favor of a patriarchal mascot system.
Speaker 7:
[102:16] Just one. You only need one. It could be a male or a female. Or a gender.
Speaker 1:
[102:20] Okay, let me give you one. Okay, what about...
Speaker 14:
[102:22] I like her hair.
Speaker 1:
[102:24] He's turned on.
Speaker 14:
[102:24] I have a crush on her.
Speaker 1:
[102:26] She's hot. What about in the case of a name like the Twins? Couldn't you have twin somethings and that would be two mascots?
Speaker 7:
[102:34] Yes.
Speaker 1:
[102:34] Okay. So they get a car now.
Speaker 14:
[102:36] And it could be a man and a woman. My dad's a fraternal twin.
Speaker 7:
[102:39] Yeah.
Speaker 14:
[102:40] He's a twin sister.
Speaker 1:
[102:41] So they don't look like.
Speaker 7:
[102:42] I mean, I support that.
Speaker 1:
[102:43] Tim's against it.
Speaker 7:
[102:44] I support that.
Speaker 1:
[102:44] He can't believe that you even brought her up.
Speaker 2:
[102:46] There should just be one. If there's twins and they're fraternal, the boy lives.
Speaker 7:
[102:51] They should be Siamese twins.
Speaker 2:
[102:54] That's inappropriate.
Speaker 7:
[102:55] Conjoined.
Speaker 1:
[102:57] Why did that become?
Speaker 8:
[102:57] No, no, no, no, no, no.
Speaker 4:
[102:59] You dare you, Tim.
Speaker 9:
[103:01] Get him out of this country.
Speaker 1:
[103:02] Well, Rick Jackson's coming to her. I'm going to put every Siamese twin in separate cells.
Speaker 13:
[103:10] Connected by their flats.
Speaker 7:
[103:13] I think because the first one that they discovered was from Siam.
Speaker 1:
[103:16] Is that right?
Speaker 2:
[103:17] Yes, that's correct. But Siam doesn't exist.
Speaker 1:
[103:18] It's not a thing. There's a Paul McCartney song on Back to the Egg. Old Siam, sir.
Speaker 14:
[103:26] Well, the name was rooted in side shows. So yes, the first Siamese twins were from Siam, but come see the freaks. All of them just got called that.
Speaker 1:
[103:35] Conjoined is a better term. It kind of tells you what's going on. And they're able to, they have a lot of great surgeries and they can separate except when it's with the major organs.
Speaker 7:
[103:45] And there was those girls that had the, the sisters that had the reality show where it was one torso but two heads.
Speaker 1:
[103:51] Yeah, it's something else, isn't it?
Speaker 11:
[103:52] Now one of them has a husband, but the other one doesn't.
Speaker 7:
[103:55] Yeah.
Speaker 1:
[103:56] Now is the other one lonely? I don't want to make jokes, but because...
Speaker 2:
[103:59] I don't think you can be lonely.
Speaker 1:
[104:00] No, I'm saying, well, yeah, because you got the other person's husbands there, you know. Maybe you don't. I don't know. How does that work?
Speaker 2:
[104:06] I mean, they...
Speaker 1:
[104:07] How does that work?
Speaker 2:
[104:07] It's love, Eric. I know, they come into sexuality, you know, at the same... together.
Speaker 1:
[104:14] Right. What I'm saying is, it's your husband, but I'm still getting the thrill. Right?
Speaker 2:
[104:20] Yeah.
Speaker 1:
[104:21] So at that point, why get... Why marry... Just say he's our husband.
Speaker 2:
[104:26] Yeah, but they're separate people.
Speaker 7:
[104:27] They're teachers.
Speaker 2:
[104:28] They're separate brains.
Speaker 14:
[104:29] They're separate personalities. Maybe you dislike the sister's personality.
Speaker 7:
[104:33] One teacher's... One head is nice, and the other teacher's mean.
Speaker 1:
[104:37] Good cop, bad cop.
Speaker 14:
[104:39] Mr. out the whole eyes and the back of my head thing.
Speaker 1:
[104:41] They only say, you know, when you see like stuff like this, is people are happy. So good. Be happy. You know, that's the only reality they know. Right?
Speaker 3:
[104:48] Yeah. Mr. and Mrs. Met were conjoined once.
Speaker 1:
[104:50] They were. And the...
Speaker 14:
[104:52] No, they were taken into a disgusting place.
Speaker 7:
[104:54] They were stitched together.
Speaker 14:
[104:55] Sister and brother.
Speaker 1:
[104:56] No, no, they...
Speaker 7:
[104:58] Are they married?
Speaker 1:
[104:59] That's why I would have phased out, because they had a lot of surgical procedures, and then they brought them back in the late 90s, early 2000s. By the way, if we've offended anybody, I am really... I'm from the bottom of my heart. I apologize.
Speaker 9:
[105:14] My brother was a baseball.
Speaker 1:
[105:18] I'm just having a little fun here. We want everybody to be happy. You know, yesterday, I think rather brilliantly dubbed this... compared our national politics to WWE, which used to be the WWF, and basically saying that we are in the attitude era of national politics, the way Trump talks, the way Hegseth talks, the way Patel talks, the way... it's just all... everybody's cutting a promo. Even the way Hegseth thinks he's scaring Iranians by saying, we negotiate with bombs. Isn't that something that, like, I don't know, Hulk Hogan or somebody could have said, we negotiate with bombs? That's right. What was that guy? That's right.
Speaker 14:
[106:07] Well, the following era was the ruthless aggression era, so maybe it's that one. Maybe we're moving into that.
Speaker 1:
[106:13] I don't know. It's still attitude. Because now, Hakeem Jeffries, is he still the minority leader of the House? Over all of this ridiculous redistricting stuff that's going on, so his message to Florida is, F around and find out. Because obviously, Trump had this ridiculous idea, anybody who had this idea, hey, we'll redistrict halfway through, he's supposed to do it every 10 years, could you get a new census every 10 years? And if there's a bigger population in one state and less than another state, we only have one number of seats in Congress, and so one state would lose and then another state would gain a seat. And you're supposed to, every 10 years, you take a census, and then after that, you look at where the population has moved around, and on that basis, you redistrict. But Trump and Democrats before that have had these ideas, but they've been shot down. And Trump's like, well, we need to win the House. So, let's, or not lose the House. So he convinced, what, Texas first, I think?
Speaker 7:
[107:16] Texas, Indiana refused to do it.
Speaker 1:
[107:17] Yeah, yeah, and he got mad at them. And then in response, and so they redistricted so they could get what they think are more potential Republican seats. And then, these people are so, it's the same thing with Trump, you know, where it's like, when I invaded Iran, I just never thought they'd close the Strait of Hormuz, or start firing missiles at Gulf countries, friendly Gulf, like, this is kind of the same thing. It never occurred to you that if you get your states to do it, then they'll get their states to do it. And now, and it's really, the question now is, will we ever get back to being a Constitutional Republic? I got news for you. We, at this point in time, the United States of America is not a Constitutional Republic. Can we ever get back to it?
Speaker 14:
[108:05] If people ran who wanted to get back to that, I think they would, it's hard for me to say.
Speaker 7:
[108:11] They won't get to the primary.
Speaker 14:
[108:12] Yeah, I know. I was gonna say, I feel like there's enough people who are sick and tired of this that maybe they would vote for something like that, but I have no clue.
Speaker 1:
[108:18] You know, all elections are local. They go on different types of things. But if we, I'm gonna tell you, if you are a Republican trying to redistrict five years into the census, you're an a-hole. And if you're a Democrat trying to redistrict after five years, you're an a-hole. You're working off the same census. You're working off the same information. You don't have new information about the population. And if you are a Democrat or a Republican, and you believe in redistricting so you can win this time, you are anti-American. You do not believe in a constitutional republic. You believe in do whatever you can to win now. I got news for you. The founders had a tad bit more vision than that. Alex Williams says there's a crash. Alright, we're coming to you. This is the last half hour of the show on Earth Day. We've been celebrating Earth Day. And of course, we've been playing that wonderful song once a year every Earth Day. And this time around, we got surprised by a lot of our musical friends, we have a lot of musical friends who have been around in the area a long time. Atlanta has a lot of musicians and bands. And so we've gotten different versions. This year we had the death metal band, We Hate Everybody, they had their version. And we had the K-pop band, She Shed.
Speaker 3:
[109:52] It's like 20 of them in that band.
Speaker 1:
[109:53] Oh yeah, great dancers. And now we got a country artist, one of my favorite, Eric Lucas.
Speaker 5:
[110:01] He's from Columbus, right?
Speaker 1:
[110:02] I believe he is from Columbus, Georgia. No, George, Columbus, Georgia. The other Columbus, the other white Columbus.
Speaker 7:
[110:09] We should change the name.
Speaker 1:
[110:11] Oh, let's not get into that whole scandal. We all love our favorite bro country artist, Eric Lucas. And he favored us with a version of Celebrate. Stop for a moment. I forgot to tell you, this is also in conjunction with The Lumineers. All right, go ahead. It occurs to me that you know how we've celebrated Earth Day? We've used AI, which has taken up all kinds of data centers and created all kinds of carbon to come up with, what, five minutes of music when you put all three of the songs together? We've done our part.
Speaker 3:
[111:23] We're already in a drought, and we're using all that water.
Speaker 1:
[111:25] Exactly. Listen, people, you have to have priorities. I know that water, electricity, these things are important. But shows like this have to be able to make goofy parody songs. And I think that that goes above the fact that maybe you're feeling a little dehydrated right now because somebody built a data center in your backyard.
Speaker 14:
[111:48] Boo hoo.
Speaker 1:
[111:49] Boo hoo for you is what I said. It doesn't bother me.
Speaker 14:
[111:53] I don't like water. I think it's gross.
Speaker 1:
[111:54] That's true. Hey, you know, I remember you saying that, but there's water in every liquid that you drink. But that's beside the point. Don't you love sparkling water, I thought?
Speaker 14:
[112:06] Seltzer, yeah. Seltzer.
Speaker 1:
[112:08] Okay, that's water. Just drink it a lot. It'll be a burping lot. You know, this reminds me, behind the scenes here, my wife handed me my lunch slash dinner as I walked out the door.
Speaker 14:
[112:21] And it was a sandwich cut diagonally across.
Speaker 1:
[112:24] No, no, no. She got it at that, yes. Got no crust. She got it at the, what's it called? Super Jenny or whatever?
Speaker 3:
[112:32] Yeah.
Speaker 1:
[112:32] Is that a chain?
Speaker 3:
[112:33] It is.
Speaker 1:
[112:34] Okay. Well, this is pretty good stuff. And so when I get here, it's chilly and I had the podcast to do, which will be attached to the end of this show. And so I just started eating it when I was here and been eating it throughout the show. And I didn't realize it was a, I've had a court of chili in these, so these last few minutes could be quite an adventure for The Doctrine.
Speaker 7:
[112:59] It's certainly gonna be a fun bedtime.
Speaker 1:
[113:02] Eggs. Eggs. I don't like to do jokes like that cause you know that I'm not into that. Eggs.
Speaker 3:
[113:12] Eggs.
Speaker 14:
[113:14] Same smell.
Speaker 1:
[113:16] Greg, what are you doing to celebrate Earth Day? Is there anything that you do?
Speaker 14:
[113:20] You know, it's my nephew's birthday and I think he's five. Five. Five feels like the age I need to call and say happy birthday.
Speaker 6:
[113:27] Greg's nephew's birthday.
Speaker 1:
[113:29] Greg's nephew's birthday. Is he a spoiled rotten kid like everybody else?
Speaker 14:
[113:34] Yes.
Speaker 1:
[113:35] We give too many.
Speaker 14:
[113:36] He's the he's the only kid. One sister is four. Those kids have to compete with each other.
Speaker 1:
[113:40] OK.
Speaker 14:
[113:41] The only child gets it all.
Speaker 1:
[113:43] I feel like we give too much, too many. Toys to kids all the time now. And I was, I mean, we did it as well. But I don't think it's good. I wonder how kids perceive Christmas now. It can't be the way that it was when you didn't get toys on a regular basis.
Speaker 14:
[114:05] You know, no, it's insane. Yeah, every time my nieces and nephews had two Christmases, they had the one with their parents and then they came to my parents and my parents had gotten them just the same number of toys, just two full Christmases.
Speaker 1:
[114:17] Like, what does that do to your brain? Like, can you actually, and look, it's not even, when, the kids aren't gonna play with all those toys for the next six months.
Speaker 14:
[114:26] They forgot the same day what they had.
Speaker 1:
[114:30] And I just don't, what is it? I mean, it's not the kids' fault. They're not doing it. They're not buying themselves a new toy every week or every time they go to Target. This was something that was not even, it couldn't even be possible in my childhood.
Speaker 7:
[114:46] I had two every year because my parents were divorced. One was with my mom and her parents. The other was with my dad and his parents.
Speaker 1:
[114:52] Right.
Speaker 7:
[114:52] So I always had a big haul.
Speaker 1:
[114:54] Yeah. No, but I'm not talking about, like that happens when I'm talking about the fact that it's become a regular weekly for people to buy their children a new toy. By the time you get to the end of the year and it's the toy time of the year, what does that even mean now when you basically have gotten a toy a week leading up to it, you know? And then, and then you see, you used to get a haul, but it was a haul at the end of the year. Yeah.
Speaker 7:
[115:21] I didn't get anything in between.
Speaker 1:
[115:22] You got your birthday and you got Christmas, you know? And I don't think it's good. I don't, I don't, I'm not mad at kids because they get toys all the time. I'm just wondering what's going on in, in, in the parenting world now, but you know, it's okay.
Speaker 3:
[115:39] They're afraid to say no to the kids now.
Speaker 1:
[115:40] It's just weird because I was afraid to say boo to my father when I was, you know, and he wasn't like a guy who would smack you around or anything like that. It's just that he had this authority, you know, he's just like, okay, I don't want to mess with this person. And I think that maybe there's none of that or very little of that now where you just have to, you know, you don't want to be a mean parent. I've seen mean parents before, like at public events and stuff. And I find it, I find it disheartening, but there's a time where you say no to your children that of course they're not going to like it in the moment. But you know, as an adult, this is the best thing for the child. And you count on the fact that the child will be 32 years old one day and will reflect back and understand, oh, dad wasn't just being mean. There was a reason it was the right thing to do. And it was okay as an adult to live through those years. Like, and okay, my kid's going to think that I was mean because I said that or I said no to this. That's what I wonder about. Like, what happened to that where you say to your child, I know that you want it, but you cannot have it. Not right now.
Speaker 14:
[116:52] That discomfort is too much?
Speaker 1:
[116:54] I get for the-
Speaker 14:
[116:55] When you say no and you know the kid's angry with you?
Speaker 1:
[116:58] But I think the discomfort is more for the parent because the kid's gonna move on. Like, if your life is like that.
Speaker 14:
[117:02] That's what I mean for the parent. Like, the parent's not able to deal with that discomfort. Like, I don't like the fact that my kid doesn't like me right now, so I need to fix this.
Speaker 1:
[117:09] Right. But your job isn't to be... Your job is to be a good parent and being a good parent means overall, you are going to... Your kids are gonna love you and you love your kids. But your job as a parent on a day-to-day basis is not to be their friends. That's the job of their friends, so they can get together and talk about how crappy their parents are. And that's the way it's supposed to be. So, Alex Williams is taking one last... So, Greg Ross, that'd be a good time for you to say yes.
Speaker 14:
[117:39] Yeah, I just thought you were gonna continue, yes.
Speaker 1:
[117:40] Well, I'm trying to be conversational.
Speaker 14:
[117:42] Yes, Eric Von Haessler.
Speaker 1:
[117:44] There's too much shouting on this show, and I want to be more conversational in the future. So, your match, if we lost 12 in a row, what's the hockey team you go see all the time?
Speaker 14:
[117:54] The Rangers.
Speaker 1:
[117:55] How are they doing in the playoffs?
Speaker 14:
[117:56] They didn't make it, dude. They're the third-worst team in the league.
Speaker 1:
[118:00] I have to say, and I don't know, maybe I've mentioned this before, but I mean this because I respect the fact that you moved to New York City in what, 2008, 2009?
Speaker 14:
[118:10] End of 2007.
Speaker 1:
[118:11] Okay. So, and then you lived there from then till now, and somewhere along the way, you decided, I'm kind of a New Yorker now. I need to root for a New York baseball team. And the fact that you didn't choose the team that has what, 26 World Series, the Yankees, and the fact that you could have chosen the team that is in a World Series every few years. Instead, you chose a team that has two World Series and is in an era right now where they just, where they have like a rich owner, but they just can't figure it out, right?
Speaker 14:
[118:46] And being a lifelong Braves fan, that was a team that I could have never imagined. Look, at the end of the day, this is what I want out of sports fandom. They've lost 12 in a row and I don't really care. When it was the Braves and I was following them so, I was so emotionally invested.
Speaker 1:
[119:00] Oh, I like this.
Speaker 14:
[119:02] I hated it. I felt like crap, which is why I moved away from sports, especially football after the Falcons blew that Super Bowl a bit. You know, I took some time away and I've kind of reset. The Rangers I did like when I was a kid, for whatever reason in 1994, I decided, well, because my dad took me to an Atlanta Knights game and I found out they were a minor league, but I really liked it, so I wanted to pick a professional team to like. And you picked the Rangers.
Speaker 1:
[119:25] A kid likes the name like the Rangers.
Speaker 7:
[119:26] And they won that year, right?
Speaker 14:
[119:27] And then they won the Stanley Cup that year, so that kind of cemented it. But I am in a good spot where it's not bothering me and I don't feel like garbage.
Speaker 1:
[119:37] I like that. There's sort of a, it's a, you're able to sort of dip your toes in it, enjoy the fandom. But if things don't work out, you just move on and the next day happens. I've really, in the teams that I like a lot that let me down, I do wonder about that. It's so hard to walk away. I guess when the Falcons lost that Super Bowl, it became easy for you to walk away. You couldn't handle it.
Speaker 8:
[120:03] That was enough. And then I think the Braves, they won the World Series, and they were really good for a couple of seasons, and then the injuries were hitting them, so it's not even really their fault. But last season, they started out losing seven in a row, and they just couldn't get it together. And that was really bothering me. And it doesn't mean that I don't like the Braves. Like the truth is, I've been watching their games also, and they're obviously playing well. And if they made the World Series, or even when they played the Mets later this season, I have tickets. I wonder how. Oh yeah.
Speaker 1:
[120:27] Have you ever done that before as a Mets fan? Have you watched, have you gone to a Braves Mets?
Speaker 8:
[120:31] I have not.
Speaker 1:
[120:32] How dare you? If you show up and you root against, you're rooting against your roots. That's what you're doing. Can't do that. That can't be good. He's rooting against his roots.
Speaker 8:
[120:42] None of it matters.
Speaker 1:
[120:44] You know what?
Speaker 8:
[120:44] None of it has anything to do with my life.
Speaker 1:
[120:47] You know, that is true, but I still, you know, if the Pills ever won a Super Bowl, I would be on the moon.
Speaker 8:
[120:54] Look at the Falcons. If the Falcons won, I would too.
Speaker 1:
[120:56] And also the Falcons, I'd be very happy, but my blood isn't, and I would be on the moon, but at the same time, I would know that that's stupid. I would know that that's stupid, but it's like an emotional thing that I simply cannot control. All right, that music is telling us two things. Shut the hell up, get the hell out. And you know us, we do what we're told. We're good citizens. That's what good patriots do. You do what you're told and you don't talk back. Isn't that the way it works? Such a George Year Bulldogs. I'm gonna... Shelly Winter is up next. He's got a great radio show for you, as he always does. We will return tomorrow at 3 p.m. Do a big old Thursday edition of this show. You're all invited to join us, but until then, continue on your journey. Do not piss off the genie. Hey there, it's George.
Speaker 2:
[121:48] I'm just letting you know that all of the Earth Day songs featured on today's episode are coming up right now, right in a row.
Speaker 1:
[121:55] Listen to them, enjoy them, or if you're over them, you can skip right through them. Do not forget that we do have the podcast extra. It'll be right after the Earth Day songs coming up. Remember how to start this thing? What's it called? The Daily, no, it's called the Doctrine Extra.
Speaker 2:
[129:45] Doctrine Extra, yeah. That's it, you named it.
Speaker 1:
[129:48] I know, but.
Speaker 2:
[129:49] You bought it, you name it. All right. Let me know when, are we anytime soon here just looking for that thumbs up that you just gave me? And then you gave me the pistol grip, shoot me with a finger. I don't know. Violent. You lured me in with the thumbs up, and then as I got close, I got a bullet to the head. Wow.
Speaker 1:
[130:06] Match you in the face.
Speaker 2:
[130:09] All right. Well, hey, welcome to The Doctrine Extra. This is the part that gets tacked on to the end of the occasional Wednesday show. This might be the last one. So really, really thoroughly enjoy it. Wow.
Speaker 1:
[130:19] Yeah. Well, they can only thoroughly enjoy it if we do a good job.
Speaker 2:
[130:23] Oh, right. In that case, hold your thorough enjoyment of it. Oh, I just got trapped.
Speaker 1:
[130:28] Heavy lifting. We have to do the heavy lifting. That's all I'm saying.
Speaker 2:
[130:31] Yeah. And then I'll leave it to you to decide. You know, hey, this actually folds very nicely into the first thing I want to talk about. Do a quick introduction. I'm Stephen Pappas, your nominal host, Eric Von Haessler, George Clark.
Speaker 1:
[130:43] Hello. All right. Good. All right. Are we starting with you? Sounds like we're going to start with you.
Speaker 2:
[130:48] I got something I want to say. So before I left on this long sort of, I've been away for a little bit, weddings and funerals and such because those things kind of take you away. I was overseas for a bit.
Speaker 1:
[130:58] Indonesia or something?
Speaker 2:
[131:00] Malaysia. Yeah, the bad Asia, malasia.
Speaker 1:
[131:02] Malasia.
Speaker 2:
[131:04] The bad one, not the good one. But before I left, I did this thing. Social media, hold your judgment. Hold your judgment.
Speaker 1:
[131:12] I haven't said a word.
Speaker 2:
[131:13] I went on the Facebook page for The Von Haessler 2 plus 2, Facebook page.
Speaker 1:
[131:20] I've never been there.
Speaker 2:
[131:22] I know. I posed this question. This is the question. I said, who is your favorite non-doctrineer, non-professional part of the show? So that excludes Eric, Tim, Ottoman, George, and Jared, and Greg, and English, Nick. But it also excludes Dr. Joe, George Stein, Wes Moss, and Bill Crane. So if you take all of those people out of the mix, who's your favorite? See, I asked this question.
Speaker 1:
[131:46] Yes.
Speaker 2:
[131:46] Yes. I want to know. I need to know where, honestly, it's self-serving. I want to know where I fit into the continuum and overwhelmingly, the answer came back, Alex Williams.
Speaker 1:
[131:59] Doesn't he count as a pro? He's actually part of the show.
Speaker 2:
[132:03] I didn't include him in the list of names, so people jumped on that.
Speaker 1:
[132:06] I'm sure you come up right after that.
Speaker 2:
[132:08] No, no. Actually, right after that, I opened my guy from Carrollton, so then, and then Tim.
Speaker 1:
[132:14] He's great, though.
Speaker 2:
[132:15] Yeah, he is.
Speaker 1:
[132:17] Yeah, let's be honest here.
Speaker 2:
[132:18] Tim kind of seeded things a little bit, and he threw my name out there, which I really appreciate Tim doing that. And then it got a response, and this is actually what this whole thing is leading to. Somebody wrote, honestly, I used to hate Stephen, and now I kind of like him. He's like Gin, I guess. And I think that's, for me, that's the validation I was looking for.
Speaker 1:
[132:41] Well, I'm glad you're happy.
Speaker 2:
[132:43] I truly am. Also the reference to Gin, that was great. My dad's an alcoholic, and he's never said anything to me that nicely.
Speaker 1:
[132:50] He's never compared Gin to one of his favorite things in the whole world.
Speaker 2:
[132:54] No. So, you know, closure there. I feel closure to my father.
Speaker 1:
[132:57] I'm glad you're feeling probably more a part of the family.
Speaker 2:
[133:01] I am. After that, I am.
Speaker 1:
[133:04] You know, everybody always hates anybody who comes in new.
Speaker 2:
[133:07] Yes.
Speaker 1:
[133:09] Jared was hated for the longest time, and I was just... and he was already here. So just with the people that I brought, Jared was very tough. George slid in quicker than almost anybody, was accepted by the crowd quicker than almost anybody. Greg Russ, it took years. Greg Russ had his fans, but he had many detractors. And now what happens is it's like, oh, years go by and it's like, I'm part of the family. And then it becomes like that. But there is that thing where anybody knew who is introduced into the fold on any regular basis will automatically be rejected by 75% of the crowd. Just like this.
Speaker 2:
[133:55] Because it's something different.
Speaker 1:
[133:56] I think I'm the way that I'm that way, too.
Speaker 2:
[134:00] Still rejected by 75% of your audience?
Speaker 1:
[134:02] No, I'm starting to kind of like you. So I think I'm with the crowd. I still like Jen better. Yeah, I do like you too, Steph. Jen makes, I find that Jen makes women very mean. Especially to each other. A group of women...
Speaker 2:
[134:19] You can make this claim about...
Speaker 1:
[134:21] Well, because I'm married to a family of almost all sisters and one brother. And they drink gin.
Speaker 2:
[134:28] Oh.
Speaker 1:
[134:29] They like gin and tonics. And they say some of the most horrific things to each other, these sisters, that I've ever... I don't even... I don't even understand it. My wife will say, Well, yeah, you know, it's like with sisters. Like, what, they terrorize each other all the time? That's the normal sister thing.
Speaker 2:
[134:46] And you see a causal relationship between the gin and this.
Speaker 1:
[134:49] Well, it seems to go on. No, no, no, it's there. No, it's there. But once the gin and tonic start, it goes into an extra kind of mean kind of register very quickly.
Speaker 2:
[135:03] There's no scientific basis. You need to start, first of all, double blind. Just give them tonic water.
Speaker 1:
[135:08] Yeah.
Speaker 2:
[135:09] Just find out if it's the tonic.
Speaker 1:
[135:10] Bring up something from the past that I know gets them all going.
Speaker 2:
[135:13] And you say, here, start drinking this tonic water. See what happens.
Speaker 1:
[135:15] Two weeks later, come back.
Speaker 2:
[135:17] Just gin without the tonic. Yeah, no, I mean, yeah, exactly.
Speaker 1:
[135:20] Who can drink gin without the tonic? I can.
Speaker 2:
[135:23] I love straight gin.
Speaker 1:
[135:24] You're an alcoholic.
Speaker 2:
[135:26] Like father, like son.
Speaker 1:
[135:27] Why not? Why not just, you know, drink gas right up, just siphon gas right out of your car?
Speaker 2:
[135:35] Larry Miller. No, no, no, it was not Larry Miller. It was a different comic back in the 80s. Friend of Letterman. He had this joke.
Speaker 1:
[135:43] Yeah.
Speaker 2:
[135:44] And the joke was, I hear that alcoholism runs in the family, which is great because the old man will always have somebody to drink with.
Speaker 1:
[135:53] Yes. I was probably George, what's his name?
Speaker 2:
[135:55] George Miller. It was George Miller.
Speaker 1:
[135:56] George Miller, yes.
Speaker 2:
[135:58] And so he-
Speaker 1:
[135:58] Very interesting cat. I met him a couple of times.
Speaker 2:
[136:01] I always thought he was in some weird way kind of underrated, but he never produced material that quickly. It always seemed like he was sort of working the same material for a long time. He just didn't write very fast. But-
Speaker 1:
[136:13] He's a crazy person as well.
Speaker 2:
[136:14] But I heard that that joke got cut when he was going to do it on Letterman because the censors are like, no, you can't do that. I just think that that's such a benign thing. Again, going back, it was the 80s. It just seemed like such a benign thing even back then.
Speaker 1:
[136:27] We were very innocent back then, you know, Michael Jackson.
Speaker 2:
[136:30] Yes.
Speaker 1:
[136:31] It's a very innocent time. He was innocent. Are you a Michael's innocent guy, George Clark?
Speaker 2:
[136:37] Yeah.
Speaker 1:
[136:38] You're Michael Truth. Truth is, there was no problem with children and Michael Jackson. It was all made up.
Speaker 2:
[136:45] He was.
Speaker 1:
[136:45] He wasn't hanging. He didn't have five locks on his doors, bedroom door, showing them a good time.
Speaker 2:
[136:51] A lot of those kids had fake IDs too, you see.
Speaker 1:
[136:53] Yeah. He thought they were 12.
Speaker 2:
[136:54] Yes.
Speaker 1:
[136:56] They were masquerading as 12.
Speaker 2:
[136:57] I'm going to just drop in a couple more things because I was away so long. I was in Malaysia. I feel like I want to share some culture.
Speaker 1:
[137:02] I'm going to eat.
Speaker 2:
[137:03] And then I'm going to do that. Where the hell were you? I was in Malaysia, the bad part of Asia.
Speaker 1:
[137:07] You already made that joke.
Speaker 2:
[137:08] I know, but I just thought I'd remind him since he asked me. In KL, if you need to know, Kuala Lumpur. So, yeah, you know, here, it's just the little things. It's the little things that make the difference, I think. So there's in Malaysia, you can get something called Texas Fried Chicken, and they have the exact same logo as Church's Fried Chicken in the United States. And in fact, it is the same company. But in a Muslim nation, you're not going to sell much Church's Fried Chicken.
Speaker 1:
[137:36] Ah, right.
Speaker 2:
[137:38] So they rebranded Temple Fried Chicken.
Speaker 1:
[137:42] No, what is it?
Speaker 2:
[137:43] Mosque?
Speaker 1:
[137:44] I got confused. I'm sorry.
Speaker 2:
[137:46] Don't kill me. So yeah, it's called Texas Fried Chicken. So that's kind of like one of the little things that's kind of interesting. Another little thing that's kind of interesting is if you take, they've got something equivalent to Uber there. I'm just going to say Uber, right? So you take an Uber someplace, right? And at the end of the ride, you get to rate your driver and get to give them a tip. And there's a standard amount of, I think here in the US, the standard amount of tips are based on percentages. It's like, you know, 10, 15, 20 percent, whatever it happens to be. There, the standard amounts are fixed amounts. It's two, three, or four ringgit, which is the local currency, which works out if I tip in four ringgit, that's actually one US dollar.
Speaker 1:
[138:20] Oh, so you, yeah.
Speaker 2:
[138:22] So, you know, you do that, and you can get away with 20 cents. It sounds like you can, you know, 30, 33 cents essentially is amazing. Or 50 cents, I guess, whatever it's about to be 50 cents.
Speaker 1:
[138:33] Who cares about the math?
Speaker 2:
[138:34] But the point of the matter is, is that the default tipping is just like on a scale so much lower. But that's the way it is for a lot of countries that are not the US.
Speaker 1:
[138:43] Tipping is not out of control. Well, I mean, how is the economy, I mean, what are you tipping on? Is what you're tipping on, is that generally lower too? Are the prices of the meal lower? By the way, can you turn off my headphones a little bit? I can hear you guys more than I can hear myself.
Speaker 2:
[138:56] 45-minute trip from the airport out to our hotel cost me $12, US.
Speaker 1:
[139:02] My goodness.
Speaker 2:
[139:03] Yeah, so yeah, everything actually is a considerable... I got an eye exam and a brand new set of distance glasses cost me $35.
Speaker 1:
[139:12] What are distance glasses?
Speaker 2:
[139:13] Well, you know, just glasses, prescription glasses for distance because I need them for when I'm driving.
Speaker 1:
[139:17] So why would you choose not to say prescription glasses when everybody in the world would know what you're talking about? I'm wondering.
Speaker 2:
[139:23] I don't know.
Speaker 1:
[139:23] I'm just, I'm curious. I'm not badgering in any way. I'm just curious.
Speaker 2:
[139:27] I figured I would never be into this. I'm not a scrutiny about my glasses.
Speaker 1:
[139:32] No, it's not about your glasses, it's about the way you describe them.
Speaker 2:
[139:35] My choice of words.
Speaker 1:
[139:36] Yes. What did you call them? Distance glasses?
Speaker 2:
[139:40] People don't call them distance glasses?
Speaker 1:
[139:42] George, have you ever heard anybody say that? I never have either. Maybe it was something you learned in your Australian years.
Speaker 2:
[139:47] Maybe.
Speaker 1:
[139:48] Distance glasses. What would be the opposite? Glasses so that you could see less?
Speaker 2:
[139:53] Yeah, it would be nearsightedness, right? It would be close-up glasses or reading glasses, as you would call them reading glasses, close-up glasses.
Speaker 1:
[140:00] That's what I see. I thought when you said, I didn't realize distance glasses is, I thought maybe readers, but then they're for short close-up.
Speaker 2:
[140:08] Right.
Speaker 1:
[140:09] So I was just very confused. I'll drop it.
Speaker 2:
[140:12] No, eventually. I apologize.
Speaker 1:
[140:14] I apologize.
Speaker 2:
[140:14] Allow me to see into the future. They're hard to get in this country, and apparently in that country you can.
Speaker 1:
[140:20] Now, that makes sense.
Speaker 2:
[140:22] $35 to see into the future. Let me tell you how this Iran war thing is going to... No, no, you know what? I'm not going to tell you. After all this bullshit, I'm not going to tell you. I know because I got the distance classes, but you guys...
Speaker 1:
[140:32] Don't spoil our fun.
Speaker 2:
[140:34] You're going to have to wait to see how it turns out.
Speaker 1:
[140:35] You know, it's like episodic television. I don't want somebody else to give me a spoiler alert.
Speaker 2:
[140:40] Yes.
Speaker 1:
[140:41] I want to be able to enjoy every episode of chaos. So please don't destroy it.
Speaker 2:
[140:48] What brought you out to Kuala and Lampur?
Speaker 1:
[140:51] Lampur, come on.
Speaker 8:
[140:53] And Malaysia?
Speaker 2:
[140:54] Yes. A wedding. My nephew's wedding on my mother's side.
Speaker 1:
[141:01] People get married over there?
Speaker 2:
[141:03] They do. Yeah. On my wife's side is one of her sisters and their son. So yeah, nephew got married and they're actually both living in Perth, but her family is from Malaysia. So we all kind of had this destination wedding in Malaysia, which is a lot easier to get to if you're in Australia, it turns out, than if you're in the US. But any notable cultural differences that are worth telling us about? It was a fun wedding. I think the differences probably were that I haven't been to a wedding in a long time. And so there were just differences there. They had this. This is kind of a cool thing, which apparently, I learned, is more of an Asian thing. There's a sort of photo booth set up. This might be something that they do that here all the time.
Speaker 1:
[141:42] You put on wacky things to take pictures?
Speaker 2:
[141:44] No wacky things. You just print out like three pictures, right, on a strip. And then you take those and you tape them into a book and you write something there. And so you've got that for the...
Speaker 1:
[141:53] I have seen, yeah. That's in America as well.
Speaker 2:
[141:57] Is it? Okay. Let's see. What else? I mean, other than the food all being sort of different, you know, a lot of curries and stuff like that.
Speaker 1:
[142:03] Yeah, to me, a cultural difference is like you would respond by saying, yeah, they wear their pants on their head.
Speaker 2:
[142:08] Well, that's that would be a big difference.
Speaker 1:
[142:10] That would be that carries the sun around for a while. Yes.
Speaker 2:
[142:14] No, I mean, they've been living in Australia for the last 12 years. So there's a lot of Australians there as well. It's always all pretty, pretty reasonable, pretty same dancing at the end, as you might expect. The only thing I guess maybe that was kind of different is that after the wedding, the next day, the father of the bride had a separate lunch at a Chinese restaurant because there are Chinese ethnic descent. And he invited members of the wedding party and their sort of immediate family. So there was probably about 50 of us, as opposed to the 250 or so that were actually at the wedding that had this separate kind of gathering later. That was a lot of fun. So the wedding was in Malaysia and then you extended your vacation to Kuala? No, it was actually in KL in Malaysia. Kuala Lumpur is capital of Malaysia. We arrived early, we went up to Penang for a while and then spent some time there and then.
Speaker 1:
[143:06] That sounds like a food I order in Thai restaurants.
Speaker 2:
[143:09] That's a brilliant career. If you're really, really hungry for it, you get hungry Penang's.
Speaker 1:
[143:13] Is that? Oh wow. Wow.
Speaker 2:
[143:16] Yeah, well.
Speaker 1:
[143:17] My goodness. That used to fly on stage back in the 1980s. The crowd go crazy.
Speaker 2:
[143:23] I woke up at 2.30. I swear to God, I woke up at 2.30 this morning and I had this moment where stand up lines were flying out of my head faster than I could write them down.
Speaker 1:
[143:33] Was that one of them?
Speaker 2:
[143:34] That was not one of them. They were better. I was writing them down and I haven't looked at them yet, but I'm really worried that it's like when you're writing jokes when you're high, that they're really good at the time and then you go back later and you say, what was I thinking? I'm worried. But right now, I feel like I could readily do stand up again. I'm going to hang on to this feeling for a while.
Speaker 1:
[143:51] Why don't you just do that? What's holding you back? I feel like you're trying to push George. I won't do it. You're trying to do it through George. Why don't you go up and just do your stand up? I'll tell you why not because what I brought this up by this young generation.
Speaker 2:
[144:05] That's the reason why is because you scared me. You said, you know what? You're not going to survive. They're going to eat you alive.
Speaker 1:
[144:11] No, because we used to be able to do jokes that maybe in front of the open mic night these days would not fly. Obviously, if you're famous, if you're Dave Chappelle, you can do things. If you're Tim Dillon, you could do things. But I don't know about the average open mic night. I don't know how much you can touch the third rail. A little bit. Yeah. Get up to the edge there. I don't know. That's what I was telling you.
Speaker 2:
[144:37] As long as it's self-deprecating humor, you can get away with it. I can go up and tell a lot of jokes about being old and how big my prostate is and stuff like that, but nobody in the audience is going to resonate with that.
Speaker 1:
[144:47] Well, they might like to laugh at you.
Speaker 2:
[144:48] Look at this old guy. Yeah.
Speaker 1:
[144:49] They might like laughing at an old guy because an old guy is old and they're not. And when you're young and you're in a comedy club, you may not think about it, but you kind of think it's never going to happen to you. You sort of know it will, but in reality, it does seem frozen. Old people are old, young people are young, and so they might just enjoy in their own way, throwing bricks at an old man because they find you pathetic. Look, if you can make a living from that or maybe a little mailbox money.
Speaker 2:
[145:18] That's really what I'm looking for.
Speaker 1:
[145:19] At our age, that's what you want. You want a little bit of mailbox money. That's what it's all about. I think you can become the guy. Go up there. No, I came across on YouTube, Louie, I want to blank in on his last name. CK? No, no, no. Anderson. Louie Anderson, good for you. Louie Anderson's first, because I've always liked Louie Anderson. It reminds me of Jack Benny. I like his delivery. And it was his first time on The Tonight Show. How long is the set of The Tonight Show? Six minutes, something like that? Yeah, six.
Speaker 2:
[145:51] You get six.
Speaker 1:
[145:53] All fat jokes.
Speaker 2:
[145:54] Yes.
Speaker 1:
[145:55] I was really let down from 2026 because I know that he has a lot of great jokes. They're not about being fat.
Speaker 2:
[146:03] Right.
Speaker 1:
[146:03] But as he introduced himself to the nation.
Speaker 2:
[146:06] Yes.
Speaker 1:
[146:06] It was just all fat jokes. And man, it made me, yeah, it killed.
Speaker 2:
[146:14] It killed.
Speaker 1:
[146:15] It killed.
Speaker 2:
[146:15] Yeah.
Speaker 1:
[146:16] As a matter of fact, I don't, I think that he was not called over. But what happened was after his set, the crowd was going so wild that Johnny called him back from behind the curtain.
Speaker 2:
[146:29] Wow.
Speaker 1:
[146:30] Come back out. I don't think he came and sat down. He just came back out for like another bow. Yeah, you know? But I was just sort of let down. And the whole time I thought, wow, he really is fat. I didn't realize at that time, maybe he lost weight after that. I mean, I know he's always a big guy.
Speaker 2:
[146:52] Yeah.
Speaker 1:
[146:53] But go back and check him out there. He looks like he's about to explode. I mean, maybe it's because he doesn't normally wear a suit jacket or something like that. If you go see him now, maybe he's just wearing some kind of track outfit or something.
Speaker 2:
[147:06] And he was wearing, I'm sure it was a little bit small for him too, to accentuate the fat so that the jokes were even better.
Speaker 1:
[147:12] Yeah, maybe.
Speaker 2:
[147:12] I'm sure of it. Yeah.
Speaker 1:
[147:13] He's still alive, right? No, he's dead.
Speaker 2:
[147:16] Heart attack? I think he died like, I'm just guessing. A few years ago.
Speaker 1:
[147:19] All right, you got to check that. I think I would know if Louis Anderson died.
Speaker 2:
[147:24] I don't remember him dying?
Speaker 1:
[147:25] I don't remember him dying.
Speaker 2:
[147:26] I wasn't invited.
Speaker 1:
[147:27] But if he's still alive, it's January 21st on my birthday, 2022. How did I miss that? Oh, I met him a few times. He was a great guy. He was a great comedian. Now I feel bad saying something negative. I thought he was still with us, but he was a great comedian. Well, that's what I'm saying. Even to 2022, I think that this was in the 80s sometime. I mean, to make it that long with that body is amazing to me.
Speaker 2:
[147:54] Ozempic.
Speaker 1:
[147:56] Yeah, maybe if Ozempic would have come out in 2020, maybe he'd still be with us. Cancer. Wasn't even... No, you're wrong.
Speaker 2:
[148:07] Large B cell lymphoma.
Speaker 1:
[148:10] What is that?
Speaker 2:
[148:11] Well, it was large.
Speaker 1:
[148:12] Oh, OK, it was large. Well, OK, well, listen, now I feel bad. I'm just trying to say I'm a big Louis Anderson fan. I just couldn't believe that his first set ever that he got famous from was just all fat jokes. When I started watching it, I thought, oh, the first couple. OK, I get it. And more and more and more and more.
Speaker 2:
[148:29] He keeps going.
Speaker 1:
[148:30] He did a couple of jokes that weren't fat jokes, but then he wrapped it all back up.
Speaker 2:
[148:33] I don't think I could do six minutes of what would be bald jokes or prostate jokes. I think I'd have to move on from there to cover something else. But I promise you, I'll work on it. What do you want to do? Shall we move on? Well, speaking of dead people. Oh, good. I'm going to move on. Hey, what's on your mind? Do you see dead people? No. Do you want to talk about it? Oh, sure. I guess.
Speaker 1:
[148:54] Is that a lot? What, are we going to talk about death?
Speaker 2:
[148:57] No.
Speaker 1:
[148:57] I'm just here for fun.
Speaker 2:
[148:59] I'll just say this because this actually might be helpful to people who are listening. I'm only going to say it and then we'll move on and say, hey, what's on your mind? But look, this nephew of mine.
Speaker 1:
[149:08] That's terrible.
Speaker 2:
[149:09] That died at the age of 36. The weird thing is, I had a relationship with him.
Speaker 1:
[149:17] You've known him since the day he was born.
Speaker 2:
[149:19] I have known him since the day he was born. I was doing stand up jokes about it because it was absolutely true. My sister and I are that close. She invited me into the birthing ward. I actually saw him come into this world. Of course, the joke that I wrote out of that, I brought it up now, I have to say it. The joke was, she invited me in and I saw my nephew being born, and there is nothing in this world that can compare to seeing your sister naked. At that point, I was unmarried and 20-something, but it doesn't make a difference. Anyway, I have known this kid his whole life, obviously, and we were close enough, I would say, and it's tough now because he's gone. The difficult part, and I'm not quite sure how to deal with this yet, and I'm just leaving this out there for other people because I just don't know. Every time I start to mourn the loss of him and really start to get, I'm going to say, upset and weepy, and I'm going to do my best not to even go there now.
Speaker 1:
[150:20] I get it.
Speaker 2:
[150:21] I immediately start thinking about how my loss doesn't compare to the fact that his mother and father lost a son and his wife at 36 is now a widow, and I stop myself. So I don't actually ever go through a process of grieving because my grief doesn't compare to people I know who must be grieving more than me. And it's starting to get kind of a strange feeling like something's incomplete. I'm going to leave it at that. But you brought it up and I wanted to share that with people who might be listening because maybe there's something else I'm supposed to do. I don't know. I go sit on a couch somewhere with somebody who's going to say, it's already crying.
Speaker 1:
[151:03] Well, there's that.
Speaker 2:
[151:04] But I have trouble doing that on my own because I stop myself and say, sort of like, you're not entitled to this. There are people out there who have it worse than you.
Speaker 1:
[151:14] Well, I think the question is, are you using that as an excuse not to go through the sadness?
Speaker 2:
[151:22] Could be.
Speaker 1:
[151:22] Or do you really believe? Because obviously, there's a pool of grief.
Speaker 2:
[151:29] Yes.
Speaker 1:
[151:31] There's a deep end. I'm in the shallow end. Sorry, I just carried the analogy forward. Your grief is just as valid as anybody else's grief, even though it's going to be more severe for some people because they were closer to the person that has been lost. So I think that's the real question is, are you just like, you don't actually want, this is the therapy part. Yeah.
Speaker 2:
[151:54] I'm looking for a couch in the studio here. No couch.
Speaker 1:
[151:57] Are you using that as an excuse to stop yourself, so you don't actually have to go through the trauma of going through all those feelings?
Speaker 2:
[152:04] Could be.
Speaker 1:
[152:05] It's possible. I am not a certified anything. So I can't tell you, but it's a horrible story.
Speaker 2:
[152:12] It truly is. It was one of those situations where between the period of time from his initial diagnosis to death was five and a half months. So you go through this roller coaster of, oh, hey, the chemo is working and the chemo is not working. There's a secondary therapy that is a gene therapy. We'll do that. And then that's working. But maybe not. But he went to the hospital last night because he was having stomach pains. Oh, he's dead. Yeah. He's like, slow down, slow down. Can we just back up a little bit? No. So yeah, it was really traumatic because it happened so quickly.
Speaker 1:
[152:42] You know, what's interesting is as you would tell me, like, well, this is happening, I'd ask, how's he doing? He'd say, well, there's this therapy and whatever. And I myself have gotten to the point with that kind of, you know, the heavy-duty cancer where I, when someone says that to me, I will never say anything negative. But I wonder how much of it is just for the families, you know, because in my mind, somebody says that to me and I always, and I think you remember, I was, oh, that's great. There's a new therapy, whatever. But in the back of my mind, I just think, man, cancer is a motherfucker and it wins so often. That doesn't always win. And there's, you know, but there are these certain types of cancer. And there is that element of cancer where when you know somebody, there is this roller coaster that everyone's encouraged to get on and you're not gonna be the idiot. I'm gonna walk up to someone and go, hey, this is all stupid. Get your stuff together and, you know, say goodbye to everybody. But the truth is that like eight times out of 10, that's what happens. And so it's a weird thing when you hear us like, you just go, okay, I'm gonna jump on this rollercoaster with you because this is the way to deal with this. You know, this is the way to, you know, cause maybe there will be that brand new thing. You know, what are the odds when you get it? That's gonna be the three months.
Speaker 2:
[154:08] Suddenly we've solved your problem.
Speaker 1:
[154:10] I have heard that I've been reading some stuff about how there's, and you know, in this world of anti-vaccines and stuff, that there's a vaccine that may be doing a lot of good with pancreatic cancer, which is usually, I mean, you get that diagnosis.
Speaker 2:
[154:27] It's too late already.
Speaker 1:
[154:28] Get your shit together. You're on your way out.
Speaker 2:
[154:30] Yeah, I was frankly amazed that Alex Trebek stuck around as long as he did after diagnosis. They must have been doing some heroic things for him.
Speaker 1:
[154:36] And he's very rich. I mean, that has something to do with it, which is not so awful because-
Speaker 2:
[154:41] Medicaid people are not getting the same treatment, that's for sure.
Speaker 1:
[154:43] Yeah, and I wonder about that too, but that's a whole different thing. I was going to say that, because it's interesting, because it goes into what I was thinking.
Speaker 2:
[154:49] Yes.
Speaker 1:
[154:50] That is, which is that more and more as I get older, I'm not afraid of death. I'm afraid of those years that come before death. Like, I just don't want to be the old man in the wheelchair, in the corner that can't, he's there, but he's not there. And, you know, no doubt everybody in the room loves him and all that, but it's just like, he can't really be a part of things anymore. He's just there. And I just, that's what I fear. I fear, not a matter of fear, I just don't want it. I don't want years of hospitals. I don't want years of...
Speaker 2:
[155:28] Well, no one does.
Speaker 1:
[155:29] Well, I know that no one wants that. Let's put it this way, that I won't say want. I'm trying to figure out how not to accept that. And I'm not talking about blowing my brains out. I'm trying to figure out how to, like, the overall thing with it is that I want to be, I don't want death to terrorize me. I want to go, okay, here's the next thing. You know, here we go.
Speaker 2:
[155:56] I can see far enough ahead with my distance glasses to say within this period of time, it's all going to end. The thing is, is that decline is not a straight line. You know, you got good days, you got bad days. Oh, it's a bad day, but it's a good day. And those good days are fewer and fewer, but there are enough of them there that you think, well, I'm not going to off myself yet, but that's...
Speaker 1:
[156:17] So you're saying you're like the frog in the slowly boiling water.
Speaker 2:
[156:22] How do you boil a frog? Exactly, you just keep turning up the heat. I talked to my dad yesterday. I was going to go up and visit them.
Speaker 1:
[156:29] Dad's 92?
Speaker 2:
[156:30] 93, well, yeah, he'll be 93 in July, so yeah, 92. So he and my mom are in this assisted living facility. So I was going to go up on Thursday and spend the week with them, but I've been doing so much traveling and I've got more traveling to do in May. I'm going up to New York a bunch of times. Anyway, point of the matter is, I kind of just didn't have it in me to go up there, so I called him and I said, like, Dad, I'm not going to make it up here in April after all. Probably the next time it's going to be June. And he kind of put on a bit of a smile, a bit of a trooper face, I could hear him. Then he said to me, he said, well, you know, that's fine. I'll see you when I see you. And then he said, maybe one day you'll find yourself in a facility like this. And you know, I felt that, right? And I had to respond. So I said, well, yeah, but these patterns don't always repeat themselves. Like, for instance, with my kids, I just didn't beat them because I was drunk on a Friday night.
Speaker 1:
[157:20] Everything in our lives may not mirror.
Speaker 2:
[157:24] Yeah. And put it right back to him. You know, so yeah, go eat your green jello. You know, that's what I'm thinking.
Speaker 1:
[157:30] That's the other thing I don't want.
Speaker 2:
[157:32] Green jello?
Speaker 1:
[157:32] No, who does?
Speaker 2:
[157:33] It's Wednesday. It's Jello Day.
Speaker 1:
[157:35] I... Well, that's the other thing. That's why I don't want to do the nursing home part of it either.
Speaker 2:
[157:43] Yeah.
Speaker 1:
[157:44] Because it's... You go back to being like when you're in kindergarten or pre-K. You know, it's activities. And Wednesday means we do this. And I just... I just don't... Yeah. I just... I do not... And I always... When my sons... And, you know, they're doing well, so it doesn't happen that much anymore. But any time that they ever needed money, it's like, it's not a loan here. You know, $300. Here's $300. I would just always say, just remember, it's not a loan. Just remember, dad doesn't want to go to a nursing home. You know, I don't want people having a conversation. I think once he's... I think he'd be... No, I just want you to know. Here's $500. You don't have to pay it back. But you need to know that dad does not want to live in a nursing home.
Speaker 2:
[158:32] When you guys take that vote, my vote is no.
Speaker 1:
[158:35] Right. And I'm paying for other votes. I'm paying for votes here, is what I'm doing.
Speaker 2:
[158:39] I'm buying votes. When he said that, do you think he was trying to kind of hit you in the ribs a little bit?
Speaker 1:
[158:46] Sure he was. Give you an FU?
Speaker 2:
[158:48] Yeah. Well, yeah, he does not like being there. He's always said, I don't want to live in a nursing home. And this place is an assisted living facility. It's not technically a nursing home. He makes it as bad as it possibly can be. He refuses to socialize with other people. He says, I don't want to hang around old people.
Speaker 1:
[159:02] That would be me.
Speaker 2:
[159:03] He doesn't want to hang around old people. What would he prefer, you say? Hanging around young people. What would he prefer? He'd prefer to continue to live at home. But honestly, he has gone past the point where he can do that successfully. And convincing anyone of that, that you really can't live on your own anymore is almost impossible because in their mind they can. It's like, I know that I can climb up on the roof with the ladder and fix the gutters. And my wife knows that I absolutely cannot. And you know, I might be able to do it, but it's freaking dangerous. And so that's kind of where it's at. You reach these points where you sort of can't go any further. He's given up driving, by the way, because he's worried that he's just not active enough that he wouldn't be putting other people in danger, not himself, mind you, other people. But I can't get him to buy into that thinking when it comes to his own personal care. He keeps saying, you know, we could move back home. And the acceptance being that he's 93, does he understand that he's totally resisting it? No one does. No one says, oh, I've passed this milestone, so therefore I shouldn't do that anymore.
Speaker 1:
[160:02] I saw my mother in law.
Speaker 2:
[160:02] Yeah, no.
Speaker 1:
[160:04] That's why you got to become a billionaire.
Speaker 2:
[160:06] Yes.
Speaker 1:
[160:07] So that you can just hire people to come take care of you in your own home.
Speaker 2:
[160:09] That is the best way to do it.
Speaker 1:
[160:10] Not young girls, you know, where people are. Well, I don't want to, I don't want to be that guy either. The guy who, that's what I'm really afraid of when it all starts to go is that you don't have a filter. I mean, in my mind, I have these phrases that go around. They're so disgusting. And they're not reflections of reality even. They're just like these phrases that go around in my mind that are so disgusting. And I'm just afraid that at some point, once the filters go away, somebody will walk by. I'm like, I don't want to be that guy.
Speaker 2:
[160:39] I have actually gone down this road a little bit with my daughter. So my daughter has some, if you look closely, she's got some freckles on her cheeks, just a few, not many. I happen to think that that's attractive in women in general. My daughter happens to have them. And one day I was close enough to her with my near sighted glasses, my close up glasses.
Speaker 1:
[160:58] Your American glasses, what I call them now.
Speaker 2:
[161:00] I noticed the freckles and I made this joke. I said to her, I said, one day I'm going to be in a nursing home, I will have lost my mind. I've forgotten that you're my daughter. I'm going to see those freckles. I'm going to say something stupid. I'm going to make a pass at you. And she says, dad, what the hell? Don't put that in my head.
Speaker 1:
[161:17] What are you doing?
Speaker 2:
[161:18] And I realize, oh yeah, I shouldn't have done that. Almost as bad doing it now as you.
Speaker 1:
[161:22] Yeah, you might want to cut it out of the podcast.
Speaker 2:
[161:25] I was trying to apologize in advance and sort of preempt the thing, and I said, oh no, that was actually the wrong thing.
Speaker 1:
[161:29] Wait, you already did it.
Speaker 2:
[161:30] Yeah.
Speaker 1:
[161:31] You already lost the filter. By even saying that, you're already there.
Speaker 2:
[161:35] I'm already there.
Speaker 1:
[161:36] I'm making the pass I didn't want to make.
Speaker 2:
[161:38] That's exactly the thing. It's like, you know, that's the decision point. Dad, you belong in a home now.
Speaker 1:
[161:43] We need that to be there. I don't know. I just don't want to wither on the vine for seven years or something and just kind of be there. So I would never, you know, I also don't want my family to show up and see, you know, the results of me taking care of that myself. So I think I would go to like Oregon or something like that.
Speaker 2:
[162:01] Yes.
Speaker 1:
[162:01] It depends on how open are the policies there. Do you have to have something chronic in Oregon?
Speaker 2:
[162:06] Like a cat, you could wander into the woods and...
Speaker 1:
[162:08] There is that. There is nothing going to find you eventually. Yeah.
Speaker 2:
[162:13] Your corpse.
Speaker 1:
[162:15] Well, I know, but I'm not going to go out there and just starve to death.
Speaker 2:
[162:17] No, no, you definitely...
Speaker 1:
[162:18] It would be ugly. Yeah, it would be ugly. So I don't want to do that. I don't want to scar anybody. And as I'm saying this, it sounds all negative, like this is all in my mind. It's really not. It's just one of those things where when I see it happening, I'm like, you know. So you're dead in the next 20 years.
Speaker 2:
[162:34] Is in the position that do you get the sense that he might want to be put out of his misery? Put down?
Speaker 1:
[162:40] Yeah, like, I mean, I'm thinking differently. I think he just thinks he can go home and go back and clean out the gutters.
Speaker 2:
[162:47] Yeah, yeah, yeah, he really does. He kind of misses doing the yard work and do stuff around the house. Although when we go back to the house, because we still have the house, you know, this doesn't feel like home anymore because their furniture is in the apartment. It's at the assisted living facility. I don't know.
Speaker 1:
[163:03] It's a museum. It's fine. We got to go to George. George has been in Italy. Yes. And hopefully he doesn't have any stories about death because people may be tired. There's no death in your stories, are there? Well, I went to the Vatican, which is a part of celebrating one man's death. Sure.
Speaker 2:
[163:20] For all of our sins. Did you get your passport stamped because it's a whole separate country? No, no. It was actually super easy to get through security, sort of surprisingly. It was very light and the guy barely looked at the x-ray going through, but yeah, we did that. We just rode around.
Speaker 1:
[163:35] There was a bunch of the first hour was all pagan art, which is kind of interesting inside of the Vatican because all of the stuff they've dug up out of Rome and put on display as preserving and all that. So it was quite interesting that we saw the Sistine Chapel.
Speaker 2:
[163:49] I was telling Eric yesterday, so Michelangelo painted the Sistine Chapel. The last part that he revealed was this one part where it's the face of God and then the ass end of God. He has his butt in the air and he revealed that last because he thought it might offend the Pope. That was kind of an interesting part. And it really is.
Speaker 1:
[164:07] He's in a bent over position. Yeah, they don't show that in the, you're always seeing the finger. Yeah, touching Adam. Yeah, you don't see the...
Speaker 2:
[164:16] There is.
Speaker 1:
[164:16] There's a panel of God's bum.
Speaker 2:
[164:20] And give me, I've never seen it.
Speaker 1:
[164:23] Do you want a review of some kind?
Speaker 2:
[164:24] I do. Is it kind of a bubble butt? Is it kind of a flat sort of thing? God's pretty old.
Speaker 1:
[164:29] It's probably Michelangelo's, but it'll be muscular. It'll be kind of muscular. Yeah, there you go.
Speaker 2:
[164:34] Yeah. Did you look at the clouds around the butt? I mean, with any indication that he had a sense of humor there, that they were a little bit of wind blowing in his direction.
Speaker 1:
[164:41] Nothing like that, no. But it was beautiful, yeah.
Speaker 2:
[164:45] They're at St. Peter's Basilica, it's the most ornate room I've ever seen in my life. It's giant, huge gold centerpiece and marble floors everywhere.
Speaker 1:
[164:53] And then there's... Does it all work aesthetically?
Speaker 2:
[164:55] Yeah, it works.
Speaker 1:
[164:56] It's not like too much where you go, oh, this is just clashing, things are clashing with each other.
Speaker 2:
[165:00] Oh, you never have too much gold.
Speaker 1:
[165:04] Everything is ornate and there's no part of any room that isn't thought about in detail and has a little flourish. So, I mean, it's not like modern homes. Right. We are more minimalistic now, but yeah, it was beautiful. And there's in the St. Peter's Basilica, there's bodies of popes in glass cases that are covered in wax and mummified. You can look at them and... Are they old popes or are they recent popes? Old, ancient popes. Right, yeah.
Speaker 2:
[165:29] Hundreds of years old. Wow.
Speaker 1:
[165:31] Yeah, so it was quite interesting.
Speaker 2:
[165:33] And then below this giant centerpiece is supposedly where Peter's body is.
Speaker 1:
[165:38] Well, have they ever actually looked? I think, yeah, people have looked. The tomb is supposed to be there. Yeah, I guess, maybe it is.
Speaker 2:
[165:46] Yeah.
Speaker 1:
[165:46] You know, they found Richard III's body under a parking lot in England a few years ago. So this stuff can be found.
Speaker 2:
[165:52] Is that real?
Speaker 1:
[165:53] Yeah, that's wild. Yeah, he was and they didn't treat him well because he wasn't even his neck. They didn't even, he was taller than the length of the grave that they dug for him.
Speaker 2:
[166:05] Well, his neck was like, I'm not quite sure that there's like bones that you could see because it so this what was there before the Basilica was a field and it was like kind of a killing field for the Romans.
Speaker 1:
[166:18] And you know, that's where he was hung up or upside down, crucified on the cross upside down. So I guess it's the, he's not there. At the very least, do they know for a fact that is the spot where he was killed? He was killed there. Okay. All right. Well, imagine if you have killing fields, you basically have, you know, like a community grave. Yeah. They kind of drop all the bodies together. They don't individually. And it's quite interesting.
Speaker 2:
[166:45] You go through these gardens were near the St. Peter's Basilica and the Sistine Chapel and kind of where the more administrative looking buildings are. And you look out and there's a bunch of apartments where people live inside of the Vatican City and are citizens. Oh, that's right.
Speaker 1:
[166:58] Does everyone who lives in Vatican City, do they all work at the Vatican? Or are they just people who are just like, yeah, I lived there for a year.
Speaker 2:
[167:05] I don't think so. I think it's only people that work there.
Speaker 1:
[167:07] Yeah. There's only about a thousand of them. It's like a clerical state in both ways. A clerical both ways.
Speaker 2:
[167:13] Job cuts and there's some unemployed people, some pandering, it's like, can you just get a little bit of money?
Speaker 1:
[167:18] Do they have a homeless problem there? No homeless problem. The Pope steps over them, get a job.
Speaker 2:
[167:28] We saw the building where they do the Vatican radio, which I thought was interesting, the big tower on top of it.
Speaker 1:
[167:33] Oh, really? Did you put in a little resumé?
Speaker 2:
[167:37] Oh, yeah.
Speaker 1:
[167:38] You got an American Pope, how about an American understands what's going on? Yeah, so we did that.
Speaker 2:
[167:43] We did Orvieto, which is a small medieval town with a giant cathedral in the center of that. That was quite cool. It's black and white, striped on the side, almost looks like something out of Beetlejuice, and ornate front.
Speaker 1:
[167:55] Then we went to Florence.
Speaker 2:
[167:56] Is that a touristy thing then?
Speaker 1:
[167:59] Orvieto?
Speaker 2:
[168:00] Yeah.
Speaker 1:
[168:00] Everything, yeah. Keep it the same and don't modernize it sort of thing? Yeah, exactly.
Speaker 2:
[168:05] Did you get a turkey leg? Tell me the truth. No, no turkey leg. It wasn't quite that.
Speaker 1:
[168:08] It's a glorified Renaissance fare, George.
Speaker 2:
[168:11] No, we got a porchetta sandwich was actually one of the highlights of the trip.
Speaker 1:
[168:15] What's that? Roasted pork with rosemary and garlic, I think. Oh, I might even like that.
Speaker 2:
[168:23] Then we went to Florence and we went to the Yufusi, and we saw it's all sorts of Italian artwork, and then we saw David at the David Museum.
Speaker 1:
[168:31] That was actually the most awestriking piece of art that we saw, and it's got its own dome around it.
Speaker 2:
[168:37] It's centered.
Speaker 1:
[168:38] There's not so much art around it, so it's off on its own.
Speaker 2:
[168:42] Give me a sense of scale. It's like compared to a human being twice the size? No, like 10 times the size.
Speaker 1:
[168:47] Oh, that's quite real. But still anatomically, it's still proportionally correct. My mom was going, oh, the hand looks so big.
Speaker 2:
[168:58] It's really not that much of a masterpiece.
Speaker 1:
[169:00] The hand is larger than it should be. And then we looked it up and it was supposed to be raised up in the air and you're supposed to be looking at it on top of a church or some sort of something like that. Or at least a pedestal. Yeah, and the perspective would have been, would have suited the hand being large. And then we went to a wedding. Mom's like, hey, you're not that great. It's the hands. You know, a lot of artists just never get down. The hands are very difficult. Look at AI. AI can't even get the hands right.
Speaker 2:
[169:25] No, you're right. Get a six finger.
Speaker 1:
[169:28] No, but for artist, you know, my wife's an artist and does portraits and stuff. And she has told me that hands be devil. Are there very few artists that are really, can create hands and fingers that you don't look at as somewhat cartoonish.
Speaker 2:
[169:43] But these turn out to be quite perfect. And it was pretty great.
Speaker 1:
[169:47] And then we went to a wedding. What about the sack? The sack was, yeah, you know, uncircumcised member in the nice tight sacks. Beautiful. Yeah, beautiful. Yeah, that was David's cock.
Speaker 2:
[169:58] I don't really want to hear your review. I want to hear your mom's review.
Speaker 1:
[170:02] You want to hear? I don't like uncircumcised men. So we're walking around with this is pretty funny that you say that.
Speaker 2:
[170:07] We're walking around the St. Peter's Basilica. We get to where the organ is.
Speaker 1:
[170:11] And my mom goes, Oh, I expected a bigger organ. Then we went to a wedding. The wedding was very nice. Very fancy wedding.
Speaker 2:
[170:21] Beautiful food. Everything was great.
Speaker 1:
[170:22] Who's so rich in your family?
Speaker 2:
[170:24] So my childhood friend, his father, does compensation work for Madonna, all these sorts of companies. So if you're a CEO that's getting signed on to a company or leaving a company, he sorts all the shares and crap that you get because you're coming on or leaving. Gotcha.
Speaker 1:
[170:43] At what point is a big wedding, at what point is it obnoxious? I understand what you're saying. It was a great time. It was a great event. But at what point is it just like, why do you consider yourself so special to your marriage? Of course you are thinking the whole time, this is so, oh my God, we have to go to fucking Florence to go to this person's wedding.
Speaker 2:
[171:07] It's gonna be crazy.
Speaker 1:
[171:09] But then you do get to the church and it's an old, beautiful church with old art that you could not recreate in America in any way. And it was a very beautiful wedding, but there were expenses spared. There was only 52 people there. So it was quite tasteful. All right, so it wasn't, you know, it was a bezo's.
Speaker 2:
[171:30] It was the most ornate, insane thing you've ever seen, but it was very nice.
Speaker 1:
[171:34] And it was obviously in Rihanna. I mean, Rihanna didn't show up and do four songs to a track. Well, you know, some of these people are doing their business.
Speaker 2:
[171:43] Yeah.
Speaker 1:
[171:44] Yeah.
Speaker 2:
[171:44] And then we, you know, just to drop in. Ceremony was at a nice Italian villa that looked like something out of White Lotus or something like that.
Speaker 1:
[171:51] Oh, very nice. Well, very nice. Yep. And anything else? Italy. That was Italy? Yeah, no crazy. That was Malaysia?
Speaker 2:
[172:00] That was Malaysia.
Speaker 1:
[172:01] Where the hell have you been? I've been right here doing a radio show five days a week. I've come to a good place with the radio show lately.
Speaker 2:
[172:10] I noticed.
Speaker 1:
[172:11] Mentally, I'm in a better place. I finally figured something out. It took me a very long time. All I have to do is just think of something to talk about every second. It's really I don't have to think about anything more than that. Just think of something to talk about, have fun with it, and then move on. I don't know why that was such an epiphany to me, but you know what it comes down to? I realize this. You ever realize things and then you forget them again, and then you realize them again? Yes. I'm back in this kind of place. My life is the radio show. When I lean into that, when I accept that, everything goes just fine.
Speaker 2:
[172:53] Yeah.
Speaker 1:
[172:54] When I rebel against it, I'm like, this is taking up too much of my mind space, and oh, is it ever going to get better?
Speaker 2:
[173:04] Work-life balance. Yeah.
Speaker 1:
[173:05] Or it's more like to me, is the best show behind me or in front of me? If I believe the best show in this other state of mind, if I believe the best show is in front of me, that gives me a reason to keep on going. But then I remember that, no, you can just accept the fact that your life is the show and just go with it. And you know what? It's a pretty great life. And an awful lot of people, from the day they're born to the day they die, are out in the fucking field and breaking their back. And who the hell am I to be bitching and moaning about this? If you're out in the field every day breaking your back, that's your life. Why do I feel like I should have this privilege where, you know, I feel like, well, I should, not that I should be able to, but a lot of times I'll want to just, like, for a month, just go away, do something else, come back to it so it'll be fresh again and all that kind of stuff. But what really happens is I align back into, well, your life is your show. Every thought you have, you're going to wonder if you could use it on the show, if you could do something with it every day. You know, we improvise four hours a day, but I think maybe people don't, but in order to do that, everything that happens from the time I wake up to the time we open the microphone is exactly the same every day, pretty much. And that's the thing that I start to go like, oh man, it's 7.30. Okay, now I'm in the shower. Okay, now I'm okay. I've had my coffee and my yogurt. Now I'm doing prep. Okay, that takes, doesn't matter whether I do it quickly, whether I do it slowly. Whenever I get started, it always ends at 10.45. It doesn't matter. Okay, now I go in and I drink this other thing that I need to drink for my digestion and take my vitamin and shave. And then I come out and I take my coffee cup upstairs and I clean it. And then my wife tells me what I'm having for lunch slash dinner. And that's usually about 45 minutes later. And I go back down in my little cave and then I eat my lunch. And then as soon as I'm done with my lunch, I go up and brush my teeth and I do my whatever. And it all rolls around to me leaving my house between 1.15 and 1.30 every afternoon. And it's always exactly the same. And for some reason it has to be that way so that for four hours a day, we can just make it up as we go along. You can either resent that or accept it. Accept it and I'm accepting it now. And so I'm in a good space. I'm enjoying The Von Haessler Doctrine. If that matters to anyone, they just think I'm a monkey. They don't care if I'm enjoying myself. They just want to watch the monkey dance.
Speaker 2:
[175:32] That's it. And if you just take all that routine, substitute a few different things, add some green jello, frankly, you've got a nursing home.
Speaker 1:
[175:41] You know what? Maybe I'll just lean in and accept that as well.
Speaker 2:
[175:44] Exactly. And with that, thank you for sticking around for The Doctrine Extra. I think this was a super long version, but glad you stuck around for it. And hopefully you enjoyed it enough that we'll do it again.
Speaker 1:
[175:56] I don't mind doing it again. It's up to you. As long as you want to keep doing it, then it's fine.
Speaker 2:
[176:00] All right.
Speaker 1:
[176:01] George. It's a mystery. Well, because then the show starts and there's not a lot of people and he's kind of stuck here. I don't want to waste your time. I enjoy doing this, but I don't want to waste your time. And I don't want to be one of these people who's like, oh, because he thinks I'll just show up and do whatever the hell he wants and sit around. And I am aware that your time is valuable.
Speaker 2:
[176:23] I am your puppet. Oh, your sock puppet.
Speaker 1:
[176:27] Well, I guess we can start having sex again.
Speaker 2:
[176:30] Yeah. Thank you very much. See you.
Speaker 1:
[176:34] Thanks for listening to The Von Haessler Doctrine Podcast. Follow The Doctrine on YouTube, Facebook, Twitch, Instagram, and Twitter for even more content.