transcript

Speaker 1:
[00:01] Fill her up.

Speaker 2:
[00:02] You're listening to the G.A.S.T.

Speaker 3:
[00:04] Digital Network.

Speaker 4:
[00:24] All right, we ready to go?

Speaker 5:
[00:26] Yeah, fucking ready.

Speaker 6:
[00:28] All right, let's... We got Luis, don't forget the J.

Speaker 4:
[00:46] Gomez to my right.

Speaker 7:
[00:49] Luis, have you ever heard music?

Speaker 4:
[00:50] And I'm Bobby.

Speaker 8:
[00:51] Have you ever heard music? Is that what you said?

Speaker 7:
[00:52] Crazy, have you ever heard music?

Speaker 4:
[00:54] Luis, have you noticed every time you open this up, Luis fucking knee-catchers.

Speaker 7:
[00:58] Says something mean?

Speaker 3:
[00:59] Yes.

Speaker 4:
[00:59] He always says something.

Speaker 8:
[01:00] It's your sexual tension.

Speaker 4:
[01:01] Every, we don't fuck.

Speaker 7:
[01:03] Get down, ready to go, and yes, I am high.

Speaker 3:
[01:07] You're high as shit.

Speaker 7:
[01:08] I'm high as shit. I'm starting to smoke a little weed.

Speaker 8:
[01:10] God, you're like bottom of the ocean high. You look like one of those fish that they take like, submarines that you're like, the way you overdo it.

Speaker 4:
[01:15] Is this a body brand coffee thing? You can put body brand coffees in there?

Speaker 7:
[01:18] That's the body brand coffee, it's my body brand coffee hoodie.

Speaker 8:
[01:20] Oh, I better pep up! That's his pop-eye, that's his spinach.

Speaker 7:
[01:24] No, can I tell you what happens when I get high though?

Speaker 4:
[01:26] You eat.

Speaker 8:
[01:26] You turn into a turtle?

Speaker 4:
[01:27] You eat a lot.

Speaker 8:
[01:28] You puff up?

Speaker 7:
[01:29] Silly Billy.

Speaker 4:
[01:29] You puff up.

Speaker 8:
[01:30] I like a silly Billy.

Speaker 7:
[01:31] I turn into a silly Billy.

Speaker 4:
[01:32] Oh, he likes silly Billy.

Speaker 7:
[01:33] So, my mouth is dry, I wish I had coffee, I didn't get anything to drink because I assumed my coffee would be going.

Speaker 8:
[01:37] It's on the way, Paco's on the way.

Speaker 5:
[01:38] Water doesn't work!

Speaker 8:
[01:39] Water works.

Speaker 3:
[01:40] Coffee doesn't work to satisfy your thirst.

Speaker 7:
[01:43] It does actually work to satisfy your thirst. That's the thing I used to say, yeah, because I have cotton mouth.

Speaker 8:
[01:48] I can hear your cotton mouth. I can hear when you breathe in, like the, inside your mouth is like old wood. It's just all dry and fucking, take a sip of water.

Speaker 7:
[01:58] Sorry, I zoned out.

Speaker 3:
[02:00] Where's the bomb, Dan? Just in case, I'm not saying that was a bomb.

Speaker 7:
[02:03] Where is the bomb, Dan?

Speaker 3:
[02:04] Yeah, I'm not saying it was, I'm just, Oh, me?

Speaker 8:
[02:06] I'm trying to help our friend here who's in a hole.

Speaker 3:
[02:08] I'm not saying it was a bomb, it made me think of a bomb.

Speaker 7:
[02:10] What that was was like you hit a laugh, but then you like kept on running.

Speaker 8:
[02:13] Yeah, you're right.

Speaker 7:
[02:14] And it was almost like when you're like, once you, once you run over, listen, once you run over the finish line after a race, like you have to, I for his gump, someone had to hit the stop sign.

Speaker 8:
[02:25] Anyways, your mouth is dry?

Speaker 7:
[02:27] My mouth is dry.

Speaker 3:
[02:28] Open the water and drink it, you fucking.

Speaker 7:
[02:30] No, I'm going to see how long it can go. Oh, please.

Speaker 3:
[02:32] That's got, that's worse than chewing on Mike.

Speaker 7:
[02:34] No, nothing is worse than chewing on Mike.

Speaker 8:
[02:36] It is pretty crazy chewing on Mike.

Speaker 3:
[02:39] I like to chew on pussy.

Speaker 8:
[02:40] Really?

Speaker 7:
[02:41] As you do, gnaw on it a little.

Speaker 4:
[02:42] That's how he has to do it.

Speaker 8:
[02:44] You gnaw on it a little, Joe?

Speaker 4:
[02:46] Nothing.

Speaker 3:
[02:48] I liked it. I laughed. I LOLed. But you guys missed the fucking birthday party of a lifetime.

Speaker 7:
[02:53] No, don't even do it.

Speaker 8:
[02:54] Why are you opening the episode with that?

Speaker 7:
[02:56] Why do you want to bum your friends out?

Speaker 3:
[02:57] I'm saying it was awesome.

Speaker 7:
[02:59] You're leaving, you're going to Austin.

Speaker 3:
[03:01] It's a good topic.

Speaker 4:
[03:02] Was it awesome to you or awesome to us?

Speaker 3:
[03:04] Great party.

Speaker 4:
[03:05] Who was there?

Speaker 3:
[03:06] Who would have fucking bunch of people? You know, all called homos and open mic.

Speaker 7:
[03:10] Who told us last week already? Who's there?

Speaker 3:
[03:12] Matt Wayne, Isabelle Hagan.

Speaker 7:
[03:15] She's hot.

Speaker 3:
[03:15] Karen Fiehan.

Speaker 7:
[03:17] She used to be hot.

Speaker 3:
[03:20] And I think that's it, actually.

Speaker 8:
[03:21] Dan Lewis, you're going to get a text about that one.

Speaker 9:
[03:25] What is that?

Speaker 7:
[03:26] We used to be. She's got pill mom energy, Karen now.

Speaker 5:
[03:31] She goes, just go watch after your son.

Speaker 3:
[03:34] You have pill dad energy. You're all fucked up. I've never seen you this up.

Speaker 8:
[03:37] Yeah, you were.

Speaker 3:
[03:38] I've been at 10 skank tests. I've never seen you this up.

Speaker 8:
[03:40] After you did the Karen thing, you went, yeah.

Speaker 7:
[03:43] Pill Bellamy.

Speaker 4:
[03:46] You know what?

Speaker 8:
[03:47] It's still working too. You're right.

Speaker 4:
[03:48] I assume like an aggressive fucking, have this shit together.

Speaker 6:
[03:52] Out of surgery, Lewis?

Speaker 4:
[03:53] This is the best.

Speaker 5:
[03:54] No, dude.

Speaker 7:
[03:55] I gotta turn it off. I'm doing Rogan on Monday. So now I'm not getting high.

Speaker 3:
[03:59] Didn't you just do it like three weeks ago?

Speaker 2:
[04:01] What are you doing, Rogan?

Speaker 7:
[04:01] What are you doing in the Rogan's Fair?

Speaker 8:
[04:02] You're a regular. You're in the Rogan's Fair.

Speaker 2:
[04:03] What are you promoting?

Speaker 7:
[04:05] I'm promoting Skang Fest, promoting the book, promoting...

Speaker 8:
[04:07] I guess you're just gonna talk. You're gonna talk rap.

Speaker 7:
[04:09] Talk shop.

Speaker 3:
[04:09] You're like that actor, Bill Bollman. I mean Bill Pullman. He loved it. Don't even fucking look at me. He's dying.

Speaker 8:
[04:17] I know he is. I were not, it's not unanimous. Are you gonna get high before you do Rogan?

Speaker 7:
[04:23] No, I gotta get off the weed again.

Speaker 8:
[04:25] Why? Why don't you get high with them?

Speaker 7:
[04:26] No, no, no, no.

Speaker 4:
[04:27] Why do you have to get off the weed?

Speaker 7:
[04:28] Rogan doesn't need a silly Billy Gomez.

Speaker 4:
[04:30] Yeah, he does.

Speaker 7:
[04:31] I love a silly Billy Gomez.

Speaker 4:
[04:33] He needs silly Billy Gomez.

Speaker 7:
[04:35] Rogan, no selling any of my silly Billy jokes.

Speaker 8:
[04:38] That boy works stiff. Can we, can we, can we put up a...

Speaker 7:
[04:44] Saying that boy works stiff, when regarding working with Rogan.

Speaker 8:
[04:52] Can we, can we put up a like a poll to see if Luis should go and hide a Rogan or not?

Speaker 7:
[04:57] It was one, one of the first times.

Speaker 8:
[04:58] Silly Billy or not silly Billy?

Speaker 7:
[04:59] First time I did Rogan by myself. Sure. You know, Rogan, like Rogan's hard to make laugh just in general, but like the chemistry wasn't there. Like my rhythm wasn't there with him at all. And somebody put out-

Speaker 8:
[05:11] Hey, can you play me in? Dude, just like what?

Speaker 7:
[05:13] Somebody put out a video of like every time I bombed, I remember watching it. X would come over my face.

Speaker 8:
[05:19] You go, it's actually good for parenting. He goes, no, it's not.

Speaker 7:
[05:23] Every time Rogan disagreed with me.

Speaker 8:
[05:25] Great X.

Speaker 4:
[05:26] Yeah, it was like 16 of them.

Speaker 9:
[05:29] Yeah.

Speaker 8:
[05:29] Did you go in Silly Billy? Were you Silly Billy Gomez for that one?

Speaker 4:
[05:33] He's fucking lost.

Speaker 9:
[05:34] He can't remember my playing with you.

Speaker 7:
[05:36] No, that's not true. It was bad timing on Dan's end because he should have seen that I was unplugging to take it.

Speaker 8:
[05:41] I looked over and the mic was over.

Speaker 3:
[05:43] He might have assumed he could get a cord back into a microphone after a quarter century of doing stand up comedy.

Speaker 7:
[05:48] Cord or century? Fuck yeah, Joe. You sexy little bitch.

Speaker 8:
[05:52] I kind of like Luis because he's just going to go with you on that. I think you go Silly Billy Gomez for Rogan.

Speaker 3:
[06:00] I kind of like Luis. One of the most often quoted lines in comedy.

Speaker 8:
[06:04] I kind of like Luis.

Speaker 4:
[06:06] Where's our coffee?

Speaker 7:
[06:07] Yeah, where the fuck is our coffee? What is Paco doing?

Speaker 3:
[06:10] I'll tell you what happened. I know what happened. Paco would have been here, bumped into Dan as he got off the train. Dan said, my Dunkin Donuts coffee's all watery, so we had to tread John back there to Starbucks.

Speaker 8:
[06:21] I don't know what happened to Dunkin. They just give you water.

Speaker 7:
[06:23] It's watery as fuck.

Speaker 8:
[06:24] It's watery.

Speaker 7:
[06:24] So now you're having Paco get you another one.

Speaker 8:
[06:26] No, he was walking and he went, hey, and I went, oh, you're going to Starbucks? He was walking and I was like, whoa, I got it. I went, hey, and he went. No, I was like, meeting a coffee with half and half.

Speaker 3:
[06:34] He went, let me get you another coffee.

Speaker 7:
[06:37] That was like Christopher walking. That was a bit.

Speaker 8:
[06:39] You're too punny. You get high, you get way too punny. Not funny, punny.

Speaker 4:
[06:48] He looks fucking Hawaiian.

Speaker 3:
[06:50] You look like the Punisher.

Speaker 7:
[06:52] Punisher.

Speaker 8:
[06:53] Oh my God. Recovery Room Gomez.

Speaker 7:
[06:56] Yes.

Speaker 8:
[06:57] I'm not down with coming in there, the doctor's telling him.

Speaker 3:
[07:00] Why are you this high? Are you celebrating?

Speaker 7:
[07:02] I just smoked a joint.

Speaker 8:
[07:04] Whole joint? How big of a joint?

Speaker 4:
[07:05] Is that why you're late?

Speaker 7:
[07:06] Well, half of it's sitting on the steps right now. No, I smoked it on the way from the car to here.

Speaker 8:
[07:10] Damn. Oh, you got launched as you were coming up the stairs.

Speaker 7:
[07:13] Oh yeah.

Speaker 3:
[07:14] I'm sure your half a joint will still be there two hours from now.

Speaker 7:
[07:16] But it's too Mexican, you guys. Eyeing it down as I came up the stairs.

Speaker 3:
[07:19] Maxine?

Speaker 7:
[07:20] Mexican.

Speaker 3:
[07:21] Oh, Mexican.

Speaker 7:
[07:22] Yeah.

Speaker 3:
[07:23] Did they see it?

Speaker 7:
[07:25] you, dude. Sometimes you get a little silly. Why are you getting mad? Real men get high.

Speaker 8:
[07:29] Real men get high.

Speaker 3:
[07:29] Hey, Luis.

Speaker 7:
[07:30] Yeah.

Speaker 8:
[07:30] What?

Speaker 3:
[07:31] Did you think the Mexicans see it? SI.

Speaker 8:
[07:36] You're really going to push.

Speaker 3:
[07:37] SI. See. See. See, senor.

Speaker 4:
[07:40] You're going to make his brain explode.

Speaker 7:
[07:41] That was a bad joke. Give him the bomb, Dan. That's what we do for bad jokes.

Speaker 8:
[07:46] Let me disrobe this microphone.

Speaker 7:
[07:47] Please keep the sexy music on, please.

Speaker 3:
[07:50] Bum bum bum bum.

Speaker 4:
[07:51] Here's our coffee.

Speaker 7:
[07:52] You had to give it to him like you do to strip tease.

Speaker 8:
[07:56] Around his neck. Like Jessica Rabbit.

Speaker 4:
[08:00] I did something today I haven't done since I was 15.

Speaker 8:
[08:03] Fingered your butt?

Speaker 4:
[08:04] Nope, I've done that way a lot.

Speaker 8:
[08:06] Okay.

Speaker 4:
[08:07] Skip breakfast? That's the way.

Speaker 3:
[08:10] That's fun.

Speaker 4:
[08:10] I don't skip breakfast. That's a bad thing to do. Yeah.

Speaker 3:
[08:13] Drugs or alcohol?

Speaker 4:
[08:14] No, I didn't do drugs and alcohol.

Speaker 7:
[08:16] Since you were 15 years old.

Speaker 8:
[08:17] Had sex with a lady on a bus?

Speaker 4:
[08:19] No, no.

Speaker 7:
[08:20] Sucked a dick for a steak this morning.

Speaker 4:
[08:23] I've done that.

Speaker 7:
[08:26] Are we just going to keep on guessing?

Speaker 4:
[08:27] Yeah.

Speaker 8:
[08:27] Worked at a house the whole show? Mentally retarded people?

Speaker 4:
[08:30] No.

Speaker 5:
[08:31] Paco.

Speaker 4:
[08:32] Paco.

Speaker 5:
[08:33] Finally.

Speaker 8:
[08:33] Paco loves Emily. Paco loves Emily.

Speaker 4:
[08:38] Thank you, Paco.

Speaker 7:
[08:39] Jesus Christ.

Speaker 8:
[08:39] Paco. You taco.

Speaker 7:
[08:41] Taco Tuesday. It's how long it took.

Speaker 10:
[08:44] I put up a poll and so far it's 100 percent yes for Louis going Silly Billy.

Speaker 8:
[08:48] Silly Billy on Rogan? Yeah, dude, you got to go Silly Billy on Rogan.

Speaker 4:
[08:53] You got to stop.

Speaker 8:
[08:53] Thanks, Paco. I know because Duncan, you fucking let me down. Your coffee is fucking shit now. I did work on marketing.

Speaker 4:
[09:00] I did something. I actually.

Speaker 2:
[09:04] I fucking I didn't pay for the back tomorrow.

Speaker 4:
[09:06] I didn't pay for the train. The train was pulling up. And I looked and the door was open a crack and I was like. I fucking should I do it? And I I did it and I ran through it.

Speaker 8:
[09:19] How embarrassing it would have been if you would have got arrested. We can't do The Regz today. Bobby got caught jumping the turnstiles.

Speaker 7:
[09:25] This is the most boring version of Burt's story ever.

Speaker 4:
[09:28] I had to I had to I had to run to the train, which was more embarrassing seeing me run. And I had to hop down all three of the stairs. And I almost stumbled into the.

Speaker 7:
[09:39] I got bad knees. I ain't hopping down three stairs.

Speaker 4:
[09:41] I jumped down, almost stumbled into the train. And then I went in and there was two young bucks just laughing at me and I went, I made it and they just looked at me like yeah, whatever.

Speaker 9:
[09:51] That's awesome.

Speaker 8:
[09:52] Like they gave you nothing, they went, okay.

Speaker 3:
[09:54] This is the subway?

Speaker 4:
[09:55] I've never not paid for the subway. Wow. I've always paid for the subway.

Speaker 3:
[09:59] It's a pandemic, you can do whatever you want now.

Speaker 4:
[10:00] I know, but I always pay. I always pay and I've never not paid.

Speaker 7:
[10:04] We're paying for this story right now, Jesus.

Speaker 8:
[10:07] That was good.

Speaker 4:
[10:07] It was all right.

Speaker 8:
[10:08] It was pretty good.

Speaker 4:
[10:09] It was all right. I mean, if it was other Lewis.

Speaker 8:
[10:11] No, no, no, no, no.

Speaker 7:
[10:13] I'm trying to be mean even though I'm high. I'm sorry, Bobby.

Speaker 8:
[10:16] Can I tell you why?

Speaker 4:
[10:17] It was a good one.

Speaker 8:
[10:18] Because after he said it, he was just up, dude. After he said it, he was just so alone.

Speaker 7:
[10:22] Your story is great, dude. I'm sorry, man.

Speaker 8:
[10:24] Bobby, can I tell you why I liked it? Because he said it and he was just by himself.

Speaker 9:
[10:27] And he went, yeah, he just did that.

Speaker 4:
[10:30] There was no Lewis at the end of it.

Speaker 7:
[10:32] I should have said it with more fucking venom, or more of a raspy name.

Speaker 4:
[10:35] Let's try it again.

Speaker 8:
[10:36] I like this.

Speaker 7:
[10:37] No, dude, I'm fucking, I feel like I want to cuddle with you.

Speaker 8:
[10:40] DeClaude Lewis rules.

Speaker 4:
[10:42] Have you ever, I know you have. You've gone through the subway without paying?

Speaker 7:
[10:45] Without paying, yes. I used to make it a thing. I used to have techniques. They change the subways now. It's like weird, there's like paddles and shit on them. Back in the day, you used to pull it back, put one leg through, fucking let it shut and then shuffle forward.

Speaker 8:
[10:58] I would just Andre the Giant sometimes. Just fucking one leg over, one leg over.

Speaker 4:
[11:02] Have you ever done it?

Speaker 3:
[11:03] A little bit when I was in my 20s, because I was broke.

Speaker 4:
[11:06] Don't you feel guilty?

Speaker 3:
[11:08] Yeah.

Speaker 4:
[11:08] I feel guilty.

Speaker 7:
[11:09] Yeah, because he rubs his fucking dirty dick all over the... Turnstile.

Speaker 3:
[11:14] Dan is really helping you out here.

Speaker 8:
[11:16] What?

Speaker 3:
[11:17] He gave you a little, oh.

Speaker 4:
[11:20] You really suck, Dan.

Speaker 3:
[11:21] Very charitable.

Speaker 8:
[11:22] I go, hey, Luis, I let go back there.

Speaker 5:
[11:24] That was all you, buddy.

Speaker 3:
[11:26] But yeah, my dick was dirty because I fucked all the time. Is that the zing? Yeah, yeah, I have a bunch of STDs because I fucked tons of pussy.

Speaker 7:
[11:34] Yeah, but I tons of pussy. I don't have STDs. He was a monster.

Speaker 4:
[11:38] Yeah, dude, I a lot.

Speaker 7:
[11:40] He definitely fucked more girls than you back in the day.

Speaker 4:
[11:42] Yeah.

Speaker 7:
[11:43] Bobby Kelly?

Speaker 3:
[11:43] I 39 girls. What do you want from me?

Speaker 7:
[11:45] 39?

Speaker 8:
[11:46] You keep a list?

Speaker 3:
[11:46] Yeah.

Speaker 4:
[11:47] 39?

Speaker 3:
[11:48] Well, 39, you can just remember. I can name them off. I can name them off like fucking Will Hunting. Bobby, Danny, Biker. Yeah, I kept track. Really? Approximately.

Speaker 4:
[12:01] Dan, you don't fuck a lot of chicks.

Speaker 7:
[12:04] No, Dan back in the day was growing down.

Speaker 3:
[12:05] What are you kidding?

Speaker 7:
[12:06] Dan was, dude.

Speaker 4:
[12:07] You?

Speaker 3:
[12:07] He my girlfriend in front of me.

Speaker 4:
[12:09] You?

Speaker 8:
[12:11] Yeah.

Speaker 7:
[12:12] Sarah?

Speaker 3:
[12:13] That's my wife. My girlfriend.

Speaker 8:
[12:15] I've been in a relationship for seven years. Whoa. But before that, I was quite the philanderer. I liked to have fun. I don't know. Yeah, I fucked. Not as much as you.

Speaker 4:
[12:28] You that old lady in my house. I remember that, yeah.

Speaker 8:
[12:31] I didn't, I fucked, yeah.

Speaker 3:
[12:33] But I think I fucked the grossest.

Speaker 7:
[12:35] You think you the grossest? No. I guarantee you, if everyone at this table, I have fucked the grossest woman. All right, new game. Name the grossest woman you've ever fucked.

Speaker 3:
[12:44] Wait, I.

Speaker 7:
[12:45] Oh, I just came up with that game.

Speaker 8:
[12:47] You want to talk about an old lady. You want to talk about, there was a Valentine's Day at Caroline's and I this.

Speaker 7:
[12:52] Valentine's Day massacre.

Speaker 8:
[12:53] I fucked this older woman and I was black out drunk and it upset me how gross she was.

Speaker 7:
[12:59] She was so gross she was a dude.

Speaker 8:
[13:01] No, but man, I probably would have felt better if it was a dude.

Speaker 3:
[13:04] I the girl. I had to spray Axe body spray.

Speaker 4:
[13:06] See, Luis just had a bomb and he just took a sip.

Speaker 8:
[13:08] Yeah.

Speaker 3:
[13:09] I picked up Axe body spray off the headboard and sprayed it into her asshole.

Speaker 8:
[13:13] Oh, was that the girl from the dueling piano bar?

Speaker 7:
[13:15] You should have asked her first.

Speaker 3:
[13:16] I can't even...

Speaker 8:
[13:17] Was that the one with... That's fine. Was that the one with Tom and, or no, Al and when you guys all went to your apartment? It was that gross...

Speaker 3:
[13:25] Oh, that was a different one. That was a different one.

Speaker 4:
[13:27] Luis is still laughing at his joke.

Speaker 3:
[13:30] I fucked a 350-pound woman in Plattsburgh who broke the tiles and she blew me while she was pissing and it was loud.

Speaker 8:
[13:36] That sounds like a limerick.

Speaker 4:
[13:37] That's pretty good.

Speaker 3:
[13:40] And then she called my house. I fucked...

Speaker 8:
[13:43] Yeah, Joe...

Speaker 3:
[13:44] I... How about this? Twice.

Speaker 8:
[13:47] This was all set up just for Joe to admit all the monsters he fucked.

Speaker 3:
[13:50] Two times in my life, I had to have friends step in and be like, you cannot fuck this thing. I had a woman who was like 55 years old and she had mustache on either side. Like it was all... Like a reverse Hitler. It was just on either side. And they were like, you can't do this. And another time I had Paul Odo. It was like a woman who was like 68.

Speaker 4:
[14:08] Did you fuck the mustache chick?

Speaker 3:
[14:09] No, because people stepped in and I was mad because I was drunk. I was like, fuck you, It was like, what now? Someone gets kicked out of a baseball game and they have to eventually grab them. They're like, that's horseshit, man.

Speaker 8:
[14:19] Why? Were you already making out with her? Did you kiss the mustache?

Speaker 3:
[14:22] It was already on. No, I didn't kiss the mustache, I touched the tits of the mustache.

Speaker 8:
[14:27] Tits first, no kiss?

Speaker 3:
[14:28] Yeah. Well, we were goofing around. That's crazy.

Speaker 8:
[14:30] Right, the tits, no kiss.

Speaker 3:
[14:33] That's right.

Speaker 8:
[14:33] All tits, no kiss.

Speaker 3:
[14:34] Yeah. I had some real low self-esteem yucky ladies. Yeah. I don't know.

Speaker 7:
[14:40] I mean, if you skip kissing and just start playing with the tits, that's a sign of a real dog.

Speaker 8:
[14:45] It's crazy. That is crazy. There you go. I just need to touch. I'm not kidding. I just need to touch your weird body. I'm not going to kiss you though.

Speaker 4:
[14:52] How were the tits?

Speaker 3:
[14:54] It was over the brow with the shirt. This is at Pub 18 in Whitford, Massachusetts.

Speaker 4:
[14:57] Like an old lady brow?

Speaker 3:
[14:59] It was squishy. It was a little soft.

Speaker 4:
[15:02] It's like 65 clasps on the back.

Speaker 7:
[15:04] Wait, who was the second chick? I'm sorry. Did I miss it?

Speaker 3:
[15:06] The second chick.

Speaker 7:
[15:07] He said it was two times.

Speaker 3:
[15:09] It was an old lady that used to come. Remember Hog Pit? Remember that show I had?

Speaker 8:
[15:13] That was right on my, yeah. I remember that was on 26th Street, right?

Speaker 3:
[15:17] And she came all the way back in the cab.

Speaker 4:
[15:19] Was that her name, Hog Pit?

Speaker 3:
[15:21] No, no, that was the name of the show. Well, she was like a lady that used to be hot, but was legitimately probably 70 years old. And Paul Odo and his girlfriend, Emily Tarver, you guys know her at the time, they had to be like, you cannot do this. And we had to put the lady back in the cab. And I remember the door sliding, it was like a slider. And it was like the end of The Godfather, where she just disappeared, all sad. Because she was probably going to get laid for the first time in 45 years.

Speaker 8:
[15:45] Oh, please young man.

Speaker 4:
[15:47] I paid her 70 year old lady to give me a back rub and jerk me off. And then at the end of it, she goes.

Speaker 3:
[15:52] You pay your wife to rub your back?

Speaker 8:
[15:56] Ain't no saving that one, that one was just good.

Speaker 4:
[15:59] Ha ha ha, good. I was in the mature masseuse hand jobs for a minute.

Speaker 8:
[16:05] Oh, wait, like how long of a while did that last?

Speaker 4:
[16:09] It was like, this ended it. I showed up.

Speaker 8:
[16:13] So it was like a fetish, and then you got in the ring with it and you were like, no.

Speaker 4:
[16:16] She had a cotton candy hair and her nightgown didn't fit anymore.

Speaker 7:
[16:19] That's why I called her at first.

Speaker 4:
[16:21] Her nightgown didn't fit anymore and she had arthritic hands. And I remember we took an elevator up, she had like one of those old people elevators in her house to get her up the stairs. And then we went upstairs, it was like fucking a hundred cats. And then she gave me a back rub, and then at the end she's like, all right, roll over. And I was like, hey, is there a prostate massage included? She goes, you want that? I go, if it's included in the price. And then she had to put a glove on her hand and she just rubbed my asshole with it.

Speaker 3:
[16:51] That's because her finger will snap off.

Speaker 7:
[16:54] So I want a prostate massage, but I've had that happen and then I've had them put condoms on their fingers, and I was like, this day you're making a gag. We're gonna step closer to her being gay.

Speaker 4:
[17:03] I agree with them.

Speaker 6:
[17:04] You want me to rub your asshole gay, man?

Speaker 4:
[17:07] Yeah, just put a glove on. You don't put a dick thing on it. That's for a dick, I agree.

Speaker 7:
[17:11] She put a, and it's ribbed.

Speaker 8:
[17:13] What was your, you find out you like it, and you're like, oh, you push into it. What was your small talk with the woman like? Like in the elevator? Were you shutting one of those chain doors, or was she like?

Speaker 4:
[17:25] She goes, she said, are you sure you want to do this? And I was like, I was like, yeah, let's go. I didn't give a shit.

Speaker 8:
[17:32] I'll rub you, you're big.

Speaker 4:
[17:33] It was that.

Speaker 8:
[17:35] She's old and mean. You're a big guy.

Speaker 4:
[17:37] She's rubbed my back like this with her.

Speaker 7:
[17:39] Oh, I love a massage.

Speaker 4:
[17:41] I love massage.

Speaker 3:
[17:42] I don't like, I don't like being touched.

Speaker 7:
[17:43] You don't like a massage? I love it. Foot massage even?

Speaker 8:
[17:45] Foot massage is great. Love a foot massage.

Speaker 7:
[17:47] Bobby, you want to go for a massage after this?

Speaker 8:
[17:49] I can't, but I would love to get one. I need, these dogs are barking. I love when they just get in that meat. Where you going?

Speaker 4:
[17:56] You've never been to a massage place where they jerk you off?

Speaker 3:
[17:59] No.

Speaker 4:
[17:59] Happy ending?

Speaker 5:
[18:00] I haven't.

Speaker 3:
[18:00] I don't like being touched. It's not pleasurable.

Speaker 4:
[18:03] Me neither.

Speaker 5:
[18:04] Yeah.

Speaker 8:
[18:05] Yeah, you just had a lady with her fucking...

Speaker 7:
[18:07] Wait, you've never been to a rubbing tug?

Speaker 8:
[18:08] Nope.

Speaker 7:
[18:09] That's insane.

Speaker 8:
[18:10] Yeah. One time I thought it was happening and then the lady didn't do it. I was like, I think this is just a legit place and I didn't ask.

Speaker 4:
[18:15] Well, probably they thought you were a cop. Yeah.

Speaker 8:
[18:17] I had that short haircut for a while. Short Caesar cut and I'd go in and be like, I don't know, just take whatever massage you want.

Speaker 4:
[18:25] The way you get around that is you present your asshole and spread it open.

Speaker 8:
[18:28] I go, oh.

Speaker 4:
[18:29] You go, I'm not a cop.

Speaker 8:
[18:31] I promise I'm not a cop.

Speaker 7:
[18:33] Yeah, dude. I lay down straight, no clothes on.

Speaker 3:
[18:36] You lay down straight and you stand up gay.

Speaker 7:
[18:38] Come on, dude. I lay down on the table, completely naked. I spread my legs so you can see my little wiener and balls poking through like.

Speaker 8:
[18:46] Are you on your stomach or your back?

Speaker 7:
[18:47] On my stomach.

Speaker 2:
[18:48] Do you tuck it through so she can see it?

Speaker 10:
[18:51] Yeah.

Speaker 8:
[18:51] You give her a little fruit bowl.

Speaker 7:
[18:52] Yeah.

Speaker 4:
[18:54] A little cornucopia.

Speaker 5:
[18:55] And she goes, Oh, look at this.

Speaker 6:
[18:56] Oh, look at all this cornucopia. This grapes.

Speaker 8:
[18:58] It's the Fruit of the Loom logo. Oh, these balls and penises.

Speaker 5:
[19:04] These balls and penises coming out.

Speaker 8:
[19:06] The Fruit of the Loom logo. It's the dick and balls hanging out from under your ass. So that's how you let her know that you're about the business?

Speaker 7:
[19:17] Yeah. Yeah. Then if she comes over and she starts like touching the inner thigh and touches your ball and dick.

Speaker 8:
[19:22] What does she boop your wiener?

Speaker 7:
[19:23] She starts rubbing her fingers on your ass crack. Oh, she's ready to party.

Speaker 8:
[19:26] Is that how you guys know?

Speaker 4:
[19:27] No, this is how you know. If they have a table shower, if they're like you want to take that, that's not legit. That's a hundred percent.

Speaker 8:
[19:33] Table shower, like you're a giant infant?

Speaker 4:
[19:35] Yeah.

Speaker 7:
[19:36] They put you on a table and the table's like just covered in like old yellowed plastic.

Speaker 8:
[19:40] Yeah. That like padding that's got water resistant plastic.

Speaker 4:
[19:44] They ladle it off though. They take a ladle with hot water and they ladle it off.

Speaker 7:
[19:49] Then they lay you down and then they wash you like you're a fucking baby elephant.

Speaker 8:
[19:52] Can I tell you right now, nothing makes me more uncomfortable.

Speaker 4:
[19:55] It's very zoo like.

Speaker 8:
[19:56] Then laying in naked water, naked in water that's not submerging me, that's just like touching my back. Oh yeah.

Speaker 7:
[20:03] I hate that shit.

Speaker 8:
[20:04] You lay in used water. I don't know why that feeling is making me go like.

Speaker 7:
[20:08] You lay in used water. You can feel another man's body has been in the water.

Speaker 3:
[20:12] I like that.

Speaker 4:
[20:13] Dude, it's a bucket. It's a bucket of water with a ladle in it. And it's just on the floor and it's been dripping into that bucket all day.

Speaker 8:
[20:19] So they're just washing you down.

Speaker 7:
[20:20] I think Bobby bathed like they made Bugs Bunny bathe. He's like in a pod himself, laying stuff onto himself.

Speaker 4:
[20:28] Wow! Holy shit!

Speaker 8:
[20:31] Can I tell you right now? I think you can go to the camera. I think you can stop it where you can see me go.

Speaker 4:
[20:36] We all get it.

Speaker 8:
[20:37] You can see me go like this. No.

Speaker 3:
[20:39] There was a lot of bees in there.

Speaker 8:
[20:41] There was a moment where I went to reach for them and I went, not this time.

Speaker 9:
[20:45] Wow.

Speaker 4:
[20:46] You should 100% get high on Rogan. If you just start smashing Rogan like that.

Speaker 8:
[20:53] He's like, yeah, that's interesting, man.

Speaker 9:
[20:55] I didn't think about that.

Speaker 8:
[20:58] You were like Hans Gruber falling off that building at the end of Die Hard where I was like, I'm not reaching.

Speaker 4:
[21:04] We all just stared at him.

Speaker 8:
[21:05] Yeah, it was good.

Speaker 4:
[21:06] Yeah. If they have a table shower, if they open past 10, or open till 10 now.

Speaker 7:
[21:12] Or if they charge a lot for a regular shower, if it's like 70, 80 bucks for the massage, you're like, all right, this place is...

Speaker 4:
[21:21] Yeah.

Speaker 7:
[21:21] Yeah, because a regular massage should be like 40 bucks for an hour, 50 bucks for an hour.

Speaker 8:
[21:25] Do you think there's ever any legitimate massage places that go like, we'll just stay open later.

Speaker 4:
[21:29] I had one around.

Speaker 8:
[21:30] And then all these guys come in and go, you want to jack me off?

Speaker 4:
[21:32] They used to do the legitimate one around the corner, that it would just, you know, you'd get, there'd be like a lady next to you with a curtain, you'd just get in a back rub. But the way around it is you go two hours, just legs. And then around an hour and a half in, you get tired and they just jerk you off.

Speaker 8:
[21:46] No way. You've submitted them in to jerking you off?

Speaker 4:
[21:50] Yeah. She tried it.

Speaker 6:
[21:51] She goes, he has legs like horse. He has legs like horse.

Speaker 8:
[21:55] I can't work him no more.

Speaker 6:
[21:57] I just jerk you off.

Speaker 8:
[21:58] You leave me.

Speaker 7:
[21:59] Two hours, just legs.

Speaker 8:
[22:00] You fatiguing them is brilliant.

Speaker 4:
[22:03] That works in any massage parlor.

Speaker 8:
[22:06] I can't do anymore. You have more legs.

Speaker 7:
[22:08] I was thinking about getting James a massage after a jujitsu class. There's a Chinese place right next door to a jujitsu place. Is that weird for a 15 year old?

Speaker 8:
[22:15] To get a rub and tug?

Speaker 4:
[22:16] Get a real place. Rub and tug, you asshole. I took Max in a rubiduo room.

Speaker 8:
[22:20] Go to a place that's called like sports science.

Speaker 7:
[22:23] Pause it. It was never on the table for a rub and tug. I need to make that very clear.

Speaker 4:
[22:28] I knew that.

Speaker 9:
[22:29] Yeah, I knew that also.

Speaker 2:
[22:30] We knew that.

Speaker 8:
[22:32] I was just double checking.

Speaker 3:
[22:33] I think it's still strange.

Speaker 7:
[22:34] You think it's weird, so you got Max a massage?

Speaker 4:
[22:36] At a legit, like a real massage place.

Speaker 7:
[22:38] We know it's not a rub and tug.

Speaker 8:
[22:39] You don't have to qualify this.

Speaker 7:
[22:41] It's not a rub and tug.

Speaker 4:
[22:42] You don't know that.

Speaker 7:
[22:43] I know that.

Speaker 4:
[22:44] It's Chinese.

Speaker 3:
[22:45] It was a white guy in scrubs.

Speaker 7:
[22:46] Is that what you mean?

Speaker 4:
[22:48] It was a Dutch lady in scrubs.

Speaker 7:
[22:50] No, there's a place that's a legit place. I go to it.

Speaker 4:
[22:53] No, Max loved it. It was great.

Speaker 7:
[22:56] After jujitsu one day, go get massages?

Speaker 4:
[22:58] Yeah.

Speaker 7:
[22:58] Sick.

Speaker 4:
[22:58] You can do it together in the same room.

Speaker 7:
[23:00] Yeah, a couple of massage.

Speaker 4:
[23:01] Yeah, do that. So you know she's not trying to fucking.

Speaker 3:
[23:04] I love a cuckold massage. But you should still have to keep it after the bubble.

Speaker 4:
[23:10] I mean, that was black sheep.

Speaker 7:
[23:11] I'll keep it.

Speaker 6:
[23:12] I love black sheep for whatever.

Speaker 8:
[23:14] I would give them that.

Speaker 7:
[23:16] Everyone gets their own free bomb.

Speaker 6:
[23:18] Because of your bum.

Speaker 7:
[23:19] If you get a second bomb, you have to take it. But everyone gets a free bomb.

Speaker 8:
[23:22] For that one. That is a good, yeah. Yeah, and they were, this is way better than the crate we were put in to come over here.

Speaker 4:
[24:27] All right, whatever, it.

Speaker 7:
[24:28] In Cabo, they were just like out in front of the massage places, they were straight up like hookers in massage uniforms.

Speaker 8:
[24:35] Yeah, that's great. Yeah, that's what I want, where they go, hey, we're wearing it, we're wearing it.

Speaker 4:
[24:39] Those are gross, man, when they just don't care. I went to Tijuana, they took a cab into the suburbs, which is fucking scared. It was the men's sports club massage place, and you walked in, I go, where's the gym? And she goes, right there. And it was just, you know, those little step things?

Speaker 8:
[24:55] Yeah.

Speaker 4:
[24:56] And a set of dumbbells. Where you wait to get your massage, so you could just curl and then do the step thing.

Speaker 8:
[25:00] So you could just pump up before you get jacked off?

Speaker 4:
[25:03] Oh, it was gross, dude. It was gross.

Speaker 8:
[25:04] Was it hot, though?

Speaker 4:
[25:05] No, they were hot, but then they got naked, and it looked like her mouth had a, her pussy had like a yeast infection.

Speaker 8:
[25:11] Yo!

Speaker 7:
[25:11] Oh, you told us this story.

Speaker 4:
[25:13] Yeah, I don't like that shit. But the Asian places, there's some fancy places. There was one at Penn Station at the hotel, you know the hotel in Penn Station? On like the second and a half floor, or some weird fucking floor, and it's hot, like you go in there, it's all dudes in business suits, like high-end dudes.

Speaker 8:
[25:28] Yeah, right before a train home.

Speaker 4:
[25:29] A little more expensive.

Speaker 7:
[25:30] They closed down the second and a half floor 30 years ago.

Speaker 8:
[25:34] Oh, why? Oh, Phantom Jack.

Speaker 7:
[25:37] Bobby got jerked off by a seven-year-old girl ghost.

Speaker 8:
[25:40] She goes, please, mister, I'm just trying to make my soul rest.

Speaker 6:
[25:45] Just finish me off, dick.

Speaker 3:
[25:48] You're like, that shut down 30 years ago. You're like, yeah, he was 30. He was there.

Speaker 4:
[25:52] He was doing a, okay.

Speaker 3:
[25:54] But my point is, you got to go longer.

Speaker 8:
[25:57] 100 years ago.

Speaker 3:
[25:57] Yeah.

Speaker 8:
[25:58] Bobby's old.

Speaker 3:
[25:59] Could have been there 30 years ago. He was like 27. I think he was.

Speaker 8:
[26:02] No, I assumed he wasn't 30 years ago. 30 years ago, he was like 25. He was actually hot.

Speaker 7:
[26:06] I assumed he was cheating on his family. Thanks, Joe.

Speaker 3:
[26:08] You don't cheat on your family, you cheat on your wife. Your son loves it.

Speaker 8:
[26:12] Cheating on your son is crazy. If you had another son that you were hanging out with, your son would hate it.

Speaker 4:
[26:17] Your son hates it. What?

Speaker 3:
[26:18] Your son loves it.

Speaker 4:
[26:20] No.

Speaker 3:
[26:20] He loves Karen. Oh, cut that.

Speaker 4:
[26:28] I'm shocked that you never went.

Speaker 8:
[26:31] When I wanted to do it, I didn't have any money.

Speaker 4:
[26:33] You know, the first one to take, I went in Bossip in New York, Keith took me to him.

Speaker 8:
[26:37] That doesn't surprise me.

Speaker 4:
[26:38] In Philly. He took me to Philly.

Speaker 8:
[26:39] He probably haggles him.

Speaker 4:
[26:40] He does. He got, I got.

Speaker 8:
[26:42] Ah, shut up. I saw you here last week. You got fucking, look at your hands.

Speaker 4:
[26:45] He paid like 35 bucks. I paid 60.

Speaker 7:
[26:49] Now he goes in and he gets half price. He's like, just hold your hand still. And he just shakes until he comes.

Speaker 8:
[26:55] I'll just do my right side.

Speaker 5:
[26:57] I'm only one side now.

Speaker 4:
[26:58] I wonder if he still goes to those places.

Speaker 5:
[27:00] I hope.

Speaker 8:
[27:00] That'd be awesome. I bet they like cheer, you know, like they're like, whoa, you know, like the hospital and the cheer when a kid leaves after he treats his cancer.

Speaker 9:
[27:08] He brings them here and they all go, he back, he back here.

Speaker 6:
[27:13] Me black guy back.

Speaker 7:
[27:15] They play that little like thing from Karate Kid.

Speaker 8:
[27:17] Yeah.

Speaker 6:
[27:19] I'm here to jerk off.

Speaker 8:
[27:21] Someone pull to come out of me. Yeah. There was 2007 to 2010. I really wanted to do it and I had zero money.

Speaker 4:
[27:31] And they had the best too.

Speaker 7:
[27:32] Oh, there was a time when I would spend 100% of my entire life savings on a hand job from a Chinese hooker.

Speaker 3:
[27:41] I was never confident I was in the right place or how to work it.

Speaker 8:
[27:44] I didn't know.

Speaker 7:
[27:44] I was just so afraid of being like, you know, it's like going to a big Chinese woman, just spending too much money for her fucking.

Speaker 8:
[27:51] But it's same like when you go to a big barbecue restaurant and you don't know how to order and you go, you say the weight of the meat and then you say the meat. I just walk in there and be like, I just want a hand job. I wouldn't have been able to.

Speaker 3:
[28:02] Yeah, I never feel confident that it's definitely.

Speaker 8:
[28:04] I wouldn't know to go in like, like casino lingo. When you go in, you're like, I'll take three on the five or whatever.

Speaker 4:
[28:09] If it's open past 10, and they have table showers.

Speaker 3:
[28:13] But the risk reward is so high. You're like this, hey, my dick.

Speaker 8:
[28:16] What's the risk?

Speaker 4:
[28:17] There's no risk.

Speaker 3:
[28:17] They go, get out of my place.

Speaker 6:
[28:19] I love that kind of guy. We got him, we got him. And then a flower van opens up.

Speaker 4:
[28:23] Two hours just like.

Speaker 7:
[28:23] No, dude, you just punch your dude. You start having a karate match, you spar.

Speaker 8:
[28:27] Damn, that's why Luis loves it so much.

Speaker 7:
[28:29] Yeah, dude.

Speaker 5:
[28:30] I was hoping it would come to this.

Speaker 8:
[28:32] You're taking your watch off.

Speaker 7:
[28:33] Oh, Miss Ling.

Speaker 8:
[28:35] Oh, good to see you again, white shadow.

Speaker 4:
[28:38] Well, back in New York, back in the day, they used to wear like evening gowns and shit. Now, because they got caught and they cracked down on, they have to, you know, they try to dress. Well, they wear smocks or they wear regular clothes. Back in the day, you'd walk in, it would be a bunch of chicks like an evening gowns sitting around a hot pot and then they'd come up in prison. You get to pick who you wanted and they come up and they just lie in there. Then I went in San Francisco one and it was like a big wooden door and you could hear. It was all guys. You hear, and then they opened the door.

Speaker 7:
[29:14] It was all Joe List doing impressions.

Speaker 8:
[29:16] Oh my God, Joe List.

Speaker 4:
[29:18] It was all Asian chicks in evening gals, and the last one was a smoking hot blonde. And I just went, her, and they had.

Speaker 8:
[29:26] They're like, of course.

Speaker 7:
[29:27] And she's just been run through all day. She's like, oh no.

Speaker 8:
[29:31] She goes, I had a really bad boyfriend when I was 18.

Speaker 7:
[29:37] The hottest one, she's just been used all the, especially later in the day, you gotta go first thing of the morning, crack it on, the first shift of the day, get the hottest girl, the later you get in the day, you gotta go down a couple pegs in terms of hotness.

Speaker 8:
[29:48] Luis is waiting for them to open up the store with the other girls outside. Hey, this is pretty good, I don't know, down to the place, got a good breakfast.

Speaker 4:
[29:56] Luis goes along with the cashier at the front.

Speaker 6:
[29:59] Luis, you're back, number one supporter!

Speaker 8:
[30:02] Damn dude, how many times did you go? A lot.

Speaker 7:
[30:05] Rubbin tugs?

Speaker 8:
[30:05] Yeah, like a lot.

Speaker 5:
[30:07] A lot. Oh, you go, you go a lot.

Speaker 3:
[30:11] By the way, there's a joerist.com and it's just my face and you click on it and it does Asian voice. It's clips of all my Asian voices.

Speaker 8:
[30:18] Really?

Speaker 3:
[30:19] And she got a little fake mouth.

Speaker 8:
[30:20] Go to Joe Rist, go to Joe Rist.

Speaker 3:
[30:22] I think that's the website, someone just made it.

Speaker 8:
[30:24] That's very funny.

Speaker 3:
[30:24] And it's just me going.

Speaker 4:
[30:25] It is a good way to release attention without having to...

Speaker 7:
[30:31] Without cheating. A lot of girls don't care. Girls these days don't care. Just ask your wife. Would Sarah care, do you think?

Speaker 3:
[30:38] If I said, hey, can I go have a strange lady turn me off?

Speaker 8:
[30:42] Katie would have a problem with it.

Speaker 4:
[30:43] Yeah, Don has, I asked her.

Speaker 8:
[30:44] If I was like, can I go get a rubbing tug? She'd go, the fuck?

Speaker 4:
[30:48] Yeah, Don actually said no, because I asked.

Speaker 3:
[30:51] Well, my wife and I have sex a lot.

Speaker 4:
[30:52] Yeah, we don't.

Speaker 3:
[30:53] Yeah. Well, if your wife doesn't have sex with you and then won't let you get jerked off, that's a little shittier. My wife would be like, we fuck four times a week, you fucking psycho.

Speaker 7:
[31:04] I feel like a rubbing tug. I understand why it's above board with certain couples.

Speaker 8:
[31:09] Sure.

Speaker 7:
[31:09] But I also understand why it's not. It's not like it's not that crazy.

Speaker 3:
[31:13] But I'm bored with your story.

Speaker 8:
[31:19] Damn.

Speaker 3:
[31:19] Wow.

Speaker 8:
[31:20] Joe really is your second one. It is.

Speaker 3:
[31:22] That wasn't a bomb. I'm saying I'm bored.

Speaker 7:
[31:24] That was a bomb. It was a joke. No one laughed. They hated it. We all hated it. Damn. All right. Let's take a quick moment to thank our brand new sponsor, which is Kikoff. K-I-K-O-F-F. Kikoff is a great company. If your credit has ever held you back from doing things you actually want in life, you're not alone. Maybe you made a few rough financial decisions in your 20s, and I think a lot of us have been there. Right?

Speaker 8:
[31:46] Yeah.

Speaker 3:
[31:47] Absolutely.

Speaker 8:
[31:48] Fucking Lutely, brother.

Speaker 7:
[31:49] Now, every time somebody runs your credit, it's stressful. This is where Kikoff comes in. It's the number one credit building app that is in the App Store, and it's designed to help you build your credit quickly and affordably. Planned sort is just five bucks a month with no credit check, no hidden fees and zero interest. I used Kikoff to rebuild my credit personally.

Speaker 3:
[32:05] Yeah, you called me, told me about it, and now I'm getting in on there.

Speaker 7:
[32:07] No, it's incredible. My credit was sub 500.

Speaker 3:
[32:10] Mine's bad.

Speaker 7:
[32:11] When I bought my house, my credit was almost 800 points.

Speaker 4:
[32:13] Buddy, I got so messed up in my early comedy. I got audited, I had no money, my credit was ruined. I wish this was around back then. This is amazing to have.

Speaker 7:
[32:23] Listen to me, users who had credit 600 or below saw an average increase of 86 points just by paying on time. They help you pay everything on time.

Speaker 8:
[32:31] That's massive. 86 points is the difference between you being able to get in an apartment or not.

Speaker 7:
[32:35] They also have a rent reporting feature so you can build credit just by paying your rent, which is something you do every single month. And you can start off with just $1 for your first month and set up autopay so you never miss a payment. Sign up for just a few minutes right from your phone. Start building your credit right now. Go to getkikoff.com/regs, that's getkikoff.com/regs, R-E-G-Z today. Get your first month for as little as $1. Right now, build your credit fast and get your first month for a dollar at getkikoff.com/regstoday.

Speaker 3:
[33:07] Disclaimer, must sign up via getkikoff.com/regs to activate offer. Offers applied to new kickoff customers first month only and is subject to approval. Offer subjects to change. Average first year credit score impact of plus 86 points based on users who started below 600, paid on time and had no negative changes. Late payments may negatively impact your credit score. Individual results may vary. I would have read this better if Dan wasn't making a bunch of hands.

Speaker 8:
[33:30] Stop blaming me for supporting you.

Speaker 4:
[33:32] You did great.

Speaker 8:
[33:33] I was supporting you.

Speaker 4:
[33:34] It was amazing.

Speaker 3:
[33:34] You're right. Take it back. You take it back.

Speaker 8:
[33:36] This is an ad. It's easy to lose track of your spending. Seeing all your finances in one place can help. That's why there's rocket money. You know those commercials where they're faking crowd work or they're faking on the street stuff? Well, we're not going to do that. We're just going to tell you that this is about rocket money. It's a personal finance app that helps you find and cancel unwanted subscriptions, monitors your spending and helps lower your bills so you can grow your savings. It is actually a valuable thing.

Speaker 3:
[34:02] It's great because I'm a dipshit. I don't know what I'm doing. I'm a big tool of a guy, but rocket money helps you, helps me, helps everyone set financial goals and stay on budget by giving you personalized insights into your spending. I assume if you're listening to the show, you're probably a big dipshit also.

Speaker 8:
[34:18] Yeah, this is where this is a big dipshit hang. We're all big dipshits. You're a big dipshit. Everyone's hanging.

Speaker 3:
[34:22] This is not a highly educated gang.

Speaker 8:
[34:25] If you're good with money and you're listening to this, I think you have a substance abuse problem.

Speaker 3:
[34:28] Probably.

Speaker 8:
[34:29] But if you're bad with money, this is the ad for you because rocket money will help you. Let's say you have a subscription to a service you don't even use anymore and you're still getting charged for it. Rocket money is going to let you know and you can cancel it. Rocket money's dashboard makes it simple. Excuse me?

Speaker 4:
[34:44] 35 subscriptions. Didn't even know.

Speaker 8:
[34:47] No way!

Speaker 4:
[34:48] 35.

Speaker 8:
[34:50] Are you serious?

Speaker 4:
[34:51] 35.

Speaker 8:
[34:53] Yeah, dude. Let rocket money help you reach your financial goals faster. Join at rocketmoney.com/regswithaz. That's rocketmoney.com/regswithaz. rocketmoney.com/regs.

Speaker 7:
[35:06] Where were we? All right guys, let's take a quick moment to thank Body Brain Coffee, my company. I own Body Brain Coffee. It should be known. I think I have to say that for like legal purposes. It's my company.

Speaker 4:
[35:17] Are you high?

Speaker 3:
[35:18] He's wicked high. I can smell you.

Speaker 4:
[35:19] You're wicked high, dude.

Speaker 3:
[35:20] Yeah, I can smell you.

Speaker 4:
[35:21] Because you're just staring at me.

Speaker 1:
[35:22] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 4:
[35:22] We know it's your company, dude.

Speaker 1:
[35:24] Yeah.

Speaker 7:
[35:24] Well, no, I have to say that legally.

Speaker 4:
[35:25] But everybody knows that you're-

Speaker 7:
[35:26] For the fucking- You tell us every week. TSA, the FDA, what is it? The-

Speaker 3:
[35:32] ATF.

Speaker 7:
[35:32] T-

Speaker 3:
[35:33] ATF.

Speaker 7:
[35:34] No, no, no. T-T-T-T-T.

Speaker 3:
[35:37] R-E-M?

Speaker 8:
[35:39] Sir.

Speaker 7:
[35:39] No, it's the T- Sir, it makes a lot.

Speaker 3:
[35:42] ATF.

Speaker 7:
[35:43] No, no, no, no.

Speaker 3:
[35:44] Yeah, Tobacco Firearms.

Speaker 7:
[35:45] No, it's not that. It's not what it is. What do you talk about?

Speaker 4:
[35:48] What do you talk about?

Speaker 5:
[35:49] No, no, no.

Speaker 6:
[35:49] My company is 40 years ATF.

Speaker 7:
[35:51] It's the company that will be like, Oh, you can't do that.

Speaker 8:
[35:54] You got to-

Speaker 4:
[35:55] Oh, the FCC.

Speaker 5:
[35:56] The FCC won't let you be.

Speaker 8:
[35:58] The Better Business Bureau?

Speaker 3:
[36:00] Who gives a fuck? Tell them about BodyBrain.

Speaker 7:
[36:02] The Federal Trade Commission.

Speaker 3:
[36:04] This is a horrible ad. You're so high right now. You're like, you have dancing room right now.

Speaker 7:
[36:08] I'm sorry, I didn't drink my BodyBrain coffee.

Speaker 3:
[36:10] You said you drank some BodyBrain coffee.

Speaker 7:
[36:12] Turn it around. I needed some BodyBrain coffee. That was the problem this whole time. Look, here's the thing. It's not normal coffee. It is normal coffee, but, and it tastes just like normal coffee. It tastes like great coffee, but it's blended with adaptogens and neutropics that will support brain function, naturally supports your testosterone levels, which is great for guys our age. Mood and overall, it gets rid of the jitteriness you get normally from normal coffee, because it's got L-theanine. Really incredible product. Bobby Kelly, I should call him Body Brain Kelly.

Speaker 4:
[36:39] Good.

Speaker 6:
[36:40] That's crazy, Bobby.

Speaker 4:
[36:41] Every fucking day, I'm on Body Brain. My dick is hard in the morning. My fucking everything's getting tight. I work out four times a week with dumbbells.

Speaker 3:
[36:51] And then you podcast once a month with dumbbells. That's good. Right at the top of my head, Luis.

Speaker 7:
[36:59] Look, I'll tell you right now, it is great. And that's probably the Body Brain talking. It's really a great product. People really love it. Five simple ingredients. You mix it hot, cold, put it in your protein shake. You put it in your ice cream like Bobby does. Put it in your oatmeal.

Speaker 4:
[37:10] No, you can't put, I actually get yogurt ice cream now. I got this ninja machine.

Speaker 7:
[37:13] You put it in your yogurt.

Speaker 4:
[37:13] You put it right in there. You make healthy. This is nuts. Healthy.

Speaker 7:
[37:18] No, no, you don't put nuts in it.

Speaker 4:
[37:19] Healthy. No, you put it on your nuts. You put healthy.

Speaker 8:
[37:22] For your dog?

Speaker 4:
[37:23] Protein ice cream.

Speaker 7:
[37:25] Oh, healthy protein ice cream with body brain coffee, coffee flavored ice cream.

Speaker 4:
[37:29] So good. And I have it.

Speaker 7:
[37:30] Ew, Danny, you need some body brain coffee, you nasty.

Speaker 3:
[37:33] He sounds like the keyboard from Ferris Bueller.

Speaker 4:
[37:36] I always keep a body brain in my travel bag too, because sometimes you get to the hotel and they got gabaage, coffee. I just heat the water up.

Speaker 7:
[37:42] You bring it on the road. The individual sachets, you bring it right with you. Sachet, sonchet, chantet, chantet, chantet.

Speaker 3:
[37:48] Sachet barricade.

Speaker 7:
[37:49] Bodybrain coffee is the website.com. Go to the.com right now. I'll tell you right now, we're doing a pretty cool deal. Regz listeners are going to get 20% off. Use the promo code Regz20. Regz20. Regz20. You get 20% off. But check this out, if you subscribe, our subscribers are growing. Subscribers are like, fuck, this is going to be the thing that fucking makes me quit podcasting.

Speaker 6:
[38:09] If you subscribe, if you want me to stop podcasting, subscribe today. Subscribe.

Speaker 8:
[38:14] You get it monthly.

Speaker 7:
[38:15] You get 20% off.

Speaker 4:
[38:16] We'll do the Regz four times a month.

Speaker 7:
[38:18] You get free shipping on top of the 20% off. And we're giving you a five pack of the Body Brain Creamer that's coming out in just a few weeks.

Speaker 8:
[38:26] Creamy jeans.

Speaker 7:
[38:27] Creamy jeans. bodybraincoffee.com. Use that promo code Regz20. All right.

Speaker 4:
[38:31] Let's go.

Speaker 7:
[38:31] Where were we? Who's the grossest woman you've ever been with, Bobby?

Speaker 2:
[38:34] I've been with a lot of gross.

Speaker 3:
[38:35] Name names.

Speaker 4:
[38:37] I was with one girl that was, she was like, oh, I love it in my ass. I was like, I'm in your ass.

Speaker 2:
[38:41] Damn.

Speaker 4:
[38:42] It just went right.

Speaker 7:
[38:42] Like Max is sleeping.

Speaker 2:
[38:44] Jesus.

Speaker 4:
[38:46] I've never seen Don's asshole.

Speaker 7:
[38:48] Really? We all have.

Speaker 4:
[38:49] Show me. I'd love to see it.

Speaker 3:
[38:51] Smarten up.

Speaker 8:
[38:52] Smarten up?

Speaker 3:
[38:53] Yeah.

Speaker 8:
[38:54] Well, smarten up.

Speaker 4:
[38:55] He's obnoxious.

Speaker 5:
[38:55] He's a piece of shit.

Speaker 3:
[38:56] It's rude, man.

Speaker 4:
[38:57] I've seen his girlfriends. So what?

Speaker 5:
[38:59] Whoa.

Speaker 3:
[39:00] Is that right?

Speaker 7:
[39:01] How you having?

Speaker 8:
[39:03] That's how you check, though. You know.

Speaker 4:
[39:05] Not this one.

Speaker 7:
[39:06] He's seen a few girlfriends.

Speaker 4:
[39:07] Not this one.

Speaker 8:
[39:08] Two back.

Speaker 4:
[39:09] I think it was, I was in New Hampshire, this is years ago. I think I was 19. And we went up to where I actually have a house now, up to Lake Winnipesaukee. And we were up there in the fall, like almost winter, when nobody's really up there, down at Ware's Beach. You've been to Ware's Beach, right?

Speaker 2:
[39:27] I've been to Ware's Beach.

Speaker 4:
[39:28] Ware's Beach. And it's just, we caught a couple local chicks just walking, me and my friend.

Speaker 7:
[39:32] It's right next to What's River.

Speaker 4:
[39:34] And.

Speaker 8:
[39:36] I appreciate it. You will not, not while I'm alive, get the bandana for that one. Cause I appreciate what you did right there.

Speaker 4:
[39:44] And then we put them in the car.

Speaker 5:
[39:46] It's right by the Who's Sea.

Speaker 4:
[39:50] And we went to a motel that was shut down for the season.

Speaker 7:
[39:53] Oh, Wise Motel?

Speaker 8:
[39:56] Wait, so you, off season, in the winter, a New Hampshire local.

Speaker 4:
[39:59] The chick I was with was a beast though. She was many levels.

Speaker 9:
[40:03] Oh, you mean a beast.

Speaker 4:
[40:04] She was like fat and then she went thin and then she went fat again.

Speaker 8:
[40:07] It sounds like an hourglass.

Speaker 4:
[40:09] Legs were fat. It was. And then, but his chick was just goofy, kind of hot. She was just like, hi. And my chick, they were fucking around in the front. I was just sitting in the back being a wingman.

Speaker 7:
[40:25] And this one was eating wings.

Speaker 4:
[40:27] She goes, she goes out. She goes, I want to fuck. And I was just like, oh, okay.

Speaker 8:
[40:33] He went, I can't right now. I got a full belly of wings.

Speaker 4:
[40:37] And my friend leaned back and he goes, he goes, dude, just fuck her, man. Come on, just fuck her.

Speaker 8:
[40:42] I get that though.

Speaker 4:
[40:43] I was like, all right. Cause he's fucking around. I was kind of ruining the party. So then she just ripped her. I just remember her fucking body just became the backseat of the car. And then I started fucking her. And I remember he turned the lights on and leaned back. He goes, I was kidding. You fucking maniac.

Speaker 8:
[41:00] It's fucked up.

Speaker 4:
[41:01] And I jumped off her.

Speaker 3:
[41:02] I had one that I thought you might have been there in the old, my first story apart. Maybe you weren't there. There's a bunch of people hanging out and I fucked a lady and I, she was so stinky and gross. It was the only time I had to stop. And then my roommate at the time was like, would you mind if I?

Speaker 8:
[41:16] That's the dueling piano lady.

Speaker 3:
[41:18] Yeah, that sounds right.

Speaker 8:
[41:19] I was there. She was disgust.

Speaker 3:
[41:21] She was very disgusting. And it was so funny.

Speaker 7:
[41:24] What do you mean, dueling?

Speaker 8:
[41:24] We met her at this dueling piano bar and they were like, take her out and come home with her.

Speaker 7:
[41:28] Let's go home and turn her into the piano.

Speaker 8:
[41:31] And I remember being with, I was so drunk that I was like, you know, I'm really going to fuck her. And I wasn't even living in Queens yet. I went out there and hung out with you and I was like, you. I left.

Speaker 3:
[41:41] It's hazy, but I remember fucking her and I was like, losing my, because she was much older and it felt sad. And then I just couldn't, I was like, I'm sorry, I'm too drunk. And then I had a roommate who was like, would it be cool? Which is so funny, the idea of me being like, no way, bro. That's my girl. I was like, yeah, yes, please.

Speaker 8:
[41:59] That's an honest woman in there who's just laying an open hole.

Speaker 7:
[42:02] She just was like, yeah, bring another guy in and fuck me.

Speaker 3:
[42:04] Yeah. Well, a lot of times the people I was with were very sad and had bottomed out.

Speaker 4:
[42:10] Maybe they were just fucking into the sexuality.

Speaker 8:
[42:12] That's true. They were just awakened.

Speaker 4:
[42:14] Yeah, maybe they're just into it.

Speaker 8:
[42:15] How many girls do you think were that story for them? Were they like, I fucked a guy, I had like a weird deep voice and kept doing Rodney Dangerfield after we had sex.

Speaker 4:
[42:24] There was a lot of girls that I fucked hot chicks.

Speaker 8:
[42:28] I fucked a girl I remember. I met her at a private gig in New York. It was like a thing for Comedy Central where we did a show at an office and her and I like, after the thing, we're flirting and hooking up and then we hooked up and she, I could tell she was like, like not happy that we fucked. She was the one I wrote a joke about that I started talking dirty and she goes, oh boy, we got a dirty talker. She was like, he stole that and turned it into a bit. But I remember her being like annoyed. I remember her being like, you live in Queens under a train in a windowless room. I was like, right?

Speaker 4:
[43:04] With another comic?

Speaker 8:
[43:05] With two other at the time. Yeah. Oh my God. Oof, that poor girl. I hope she's all right.

Speaker 4:
[43:11] Yeah.

Speaker 7:
[43:12] We're telling stories about disgusting women. Yeah, but there's women that have like, Dan's just talking about like hot chicks that he banged.

Speaker 8:
[43:18] No, that where you're the gross one, which has definitely happened with you.

Speaker 7:
[43:21] You're the gross one?

Speaker 8:
[43:22] Yeah, you have 100% been the gross one.

Speaker 7:
[43:24] Oh yeah.

Speaker 8:
[43:24] You don't think you have a better one?

Speaker 7:
[43:25] My current girlfriend, I feel bad for her.

Speaker 6:
[43:27] She has, yeah, I don't know what it is.

Speaker 8:
[43:28] I think he drugs me in my feet or something. And then Luis gets. I'm saying, Joe, you had to have been, a girl has been like, I don't know what the.

Speaker 3:
[43:36] Yeah, I mean, I had warts and herpes and teeth and the stuff.

Speaker 8:
[43:39] That's what I mean.

Speaker 3:
[43:40] So yeah.

Speaker 4:
[43:41] We've been the fat chick a lot.

Speaker 8:
[43:43] That's what I, yeah, that's funnier.

Speaker 3:
[43:45] Well, I've never been.

Speaker 8:
[43:45] Thinking about which fucking girls were like, that giant head slept in my bed and now it's lopsided.

Speaker 4:
[43:50] I remember one girl, a smoking hot girl was with me. She was, she went down to eat. I was like, go down. And she licked my ass once under my teeth. She went, I don't want to do this. I was like, I get it. That was her opener? I get it.

Speaker 8:
[44:03] She has a very human moment. Please don't make me do this.

Speaker 4:
[44:06] I don't want to do this.

Speaker 7:
[44:06] So you're like, I don't think you're gonna get this. Do you remember the after school special where they took all the cartoons? Yes. And they made it like-

Speaker 8:
[44:15] Michelangelo showed up. It was the anti-drug one.

Speaker 7:
[44:17] Michelangelo, Alvin the Chipmunk. It was like Bugs Bunny.

Speaker 8:
[44:19] It was a big deal.

Speaker 7:
[44:20] It was a big deal. Every cartoon, all the studios just said, fuck it, for the sake of kids.

Speaker 8:
[44:24] For no drugs.

Speaker 7:
[44:25] And do you remember there was one, like one of the cartoon characters was like, Smoke was like, drugs. It was essentially a cartoon character that represented drugs, like a sleazy like drugs.

Speaker 8:
[44:34] Yeah.

Speaker 4:
[44:34] Longest setup in the world.

Speaker 7:
[44:35] It is the longest setup.

Speaker 8:
[44:36] But I know what you're talking about so far.

Speaker 7:
[44:38] They made that for STDs. Joe would be the animator.

Speaker 9:
[44:45] Hey kids, why don't you take the condom off?

Speaker 5:
[44:48] I feel real good.

Speaker 8:
[44:50] Take your condom off and rub your privates together. Nothing's going to go on with me. Hey kids. And then like Mario Lopez.

Speaker 4:
[44:58] He set up the assist on that so good.

Speaker 8:
[45:00] And then one of the gargoyles comes in and goes, no, that's not someone you should mess around with. Out of the Tiny Toons.

Speaker 6:
[45:12] One of the animaniacs is like, don't forget to use a rubber or you could become that.

Speaker 4:
[45:19] Joe, that's a fucking brilliant setup.

Speaker 8:
[45:21] That is very funny.

Speaker 4:
[45:22] That was a long setup and a past the Dan.

Speaker 5:
[45:24] Oh, Winnie the Pooh? He's like, don't forget, always wear a condom. You nasty. No, that big stinky cloud, that's hubby's. That'll give you a sore silly little bear.

Speaker 2:
[45:42] Joe, that was a good one, man.

Speaker 6:
[45:44] Hey, it's Dirk Wing Duck.

Speaker 8:
[45:47] Don't have sex with Joe, you'll have sores all over your pussy.

Speaker 6:
[45:53] No, oh my God.

Speaker 3:
[45:55] I like the Duck Wing Duck.

Speaker 5:
[45:59] Eek the cock.

Speaker 6:
[46:00] You know, you weren't wearing one of those condoms.

Speaker 4:
[46:03] Oh, Jesus Christ. You sat down on a fucking rabbit hole of cartoon voices.

Speaker 8:
[46:11] Joe, Joe's the guy that you unite against. He's like, hey kids, you want to have sex on this playground without a condom?

Speaker 9:
[46:21] Well, that could be a problem.

Speaker 8:
[46:24] Sure, you don't see the problem, but I do.

Speaker 6:
[46:28] Now, look out kids, that's herpes.

Speaker 4:
[46:31] What's the Southern Rooster?

Speaker 8:
[46:32] He's like, well, son of a, Joe's gonna give you the clap. Well, I say.

Speaker 6:
[46:40] I say, I say.

Speaker 8:
[46:41] Well, I do declare, that right there is herpes.

Speaker 3:
[46:46] That's right, Luis, good bit. While you were paying Chinese ladies to jerk you off because you got no game and you're fat, I was smashing, smashing it up.

Speaker 8:
[46:59] I knew exactly what you were talking about when you said that. I was like, I haven't thought of that cartoon in fucking 30 years.

Speaker 7:
[47:05] Wow, that was a good one.

Speaker 3:
[47:06] There might be a producer that could pull it up.

Speaker 8:
[47:08] No, I'm giving up hope on them.

Speaker 3:
[47:10] Jesus.

Speaker 8:
[47:11] There is no co-pilot.

Speaker 3:
[47:12] Where the fuck are the cookies?

Speaker 4:
[47:14] We didn't even bring up fucking Joe List, fucking hand.

Speaker 8:
[47:16] Joe Rist.

Speaker 4:
[47:17] Joe Rist.

Speaker 10:
[47:18] Joe Rist.

Speaker 7:
[47:18] Can you pull up that cartoon?

Speaker 3:
[47:20] They can't pull up anything.

Speaker 4:
[47:21] He hasn't pulled up anything.

Speaker 7:
[47:22] Fucking cute.

Speaker 10:
[47:23] Paco is currently pulling that cartoon up and we could not find thejoerist.com. That wasn't the name of the website.

Speaker 3:
[47:29] Well, whatever.

Speaker 8:
[47:30] That wasn't the name of the website. Damn, that was a good day.

Speaker 3:
[47:35] Cookies.

Speaker 8:
[47:35] God.

Speaker 3:
[47:36] Let's go.

Speaker 8:
[47:37] Do you want cookies?

Speaker 4:
[47:38] He needs them.

Speaker 3:
[47:38] Well, now I'm upset.

Speaker 7:
[47:39] Pull up things first. Send Joe Russell, who's on Facebook, doing nothing else. Doing nothing else.

Speaker 4:
[47:46] He's editing photos that he takes that we use at the beginning all the time, which is on Photoshop and he's high resing them.

Speaker 3:
[47:53] Aren't there cookies just across the street?

Speaker 4:
[47:54] What he's doing? He's working.

Speaker 7:
[47:55] I'm high res right now.

Speaker 4:
[47:57] Joe's the only one really working right now.

Speaker 3:
[47:59] Yeah, Joe's like, yeah, I'm working my ass off.

Speaker 6:
[48:00] Thank you, Bobby.

Speaker 8:
[48:02] Joe's just editing and then he just hears like, what is Joe?

Speaker 5:
[48:05] And he's like, God, son of a bitch.

Speaker 4:
[48:07] What the fuck was that? Great.

Speaker 3:
[48:09] We just got demonetized.

Speaker 5:
[48:11] Thanks.

Speaker 4:
[48:12] Good job.

Speaker 7:
[48:15] All right. Do we have that cartoon now?

Speaker 1:
[48:18] It's a half hour special.

Speaker 8:
[48:21] Yeah, it is.

Speaker 7:
[48:21] Yeah.

Speaker 3:
[48:22] Yeah. Yeah. Pull up my half hour special too. I don't want people to know about it.

Speaker 7:
[48:25] All of the fucking cartoons came together. All the studios were like, this is an important thing.

Speaker 8:
[48:29] Big deal.

Speaker 7:
[48:30] Kids can't do drugs.

Speaker 8:
[48:30] Yes, Cartoon All Stars to the rescue.

Speaker 3:
[48:32] There it is.

Speaker 8:
[48:34] Holy shit.

Speaker 5:
[48:36] It was big, dude.

Speaker 8:
[48:37] You had to like go home and watch it. It was a big deal.

Speaker 4:
[48:38] They did this with stars too, like on TV. Remember they had that?

Speaker 8:
[48:42] Oh, the bushes.

Speaker 4:
[48:43] Oh, look at this.

Speaker 6:
[48:44] Babs, Barbara.

Speaker 4:
[48:45] The ugliest first lady ever.

Speaker 7:
[48:48] Hi.

Speaker 4:
[48:50] Could you imagine having to fuck that pearl?

Speaker 7:
[48:53] I haven't gotten hard in 30 years.

Speaker 6:
[48:56] I was the head of the CIA.

Speaker 5:
[48:58] God knows the fucked up shit I did.

Speaker 4:
[49:00] Fucking dog is just smelling mothball pussy right now.

Speaker 7:
[49:02] She just snaps his neck at the end of this.

Speaker 8:
[49:04] We're going to eat this dog.

Speaker 7:
[49:08] Oh, boy. You don't remember this?

Speaker 8:
[49:10] I remember this. I remember this like a motherfucker.

Speaker 7:
[49:12] I don't remember any of this.

Speaker 8:
[49:13] You know what's crazy is...

Speaker 7:
[49:14] Bobby, you were 50 already.

Speaker 8:
[49:15] What a good little special to smoke weed and watch.

Speaker 7:
[49:19] Wow, dude. Oh, we should get high and watch this.

Speaker 2:
[49:21] I'm high.

Speaker 7:
[49:22] Dan, you aren't high, though.

Speaker 8:
[49:24] A little bit from earlier.

Speaker 7:
[49:26] I mean, you're more high. There's a half a joint in the steps. Oh, look, it's a Bobby statue.

Speaker 4:
[49:32] It's you now, fatso.

Speaker 8:
[49:35] Oh, is this her brother stealing money for drugs? Smurfs coming together.

Speaker 3:
[49:40] Looks like a dick.

Speaker 4:
[49:40] That looks like Louis's cock.

Speaker 8:
[49:45] Damn, they got everybody for this one.

Speaker 3:
[49:46] We're not so far just a smurf.

Speaker 4:
[49:48] It does look like me.

Speaker 8:
[49:50] You are your papa smurf. Papa smurf.

Speaker 4:
[49:53] Oh, no. I hated the Smurfs.

Speaker 3:
[49:57] I never got.

Speaker 7:
[49:57] I never watched either. I feel like Gargamel was kind of hot.

Speaker 8:
[50:01] Yeah, I feel like Gargamel got a bad deal. You know?

Speaker 2:
[50:04] Oh, good.

Speaker 8:
[50:05] Shout out gummy bears. They were the real ones.

Speaker 3:
[50:07] Gummy bears bouncing here and there and everywhere.

Speaker 2:
[50:11] Yeah.

Speaker 8:
[50:12] Fraggle Rock too.

Speaker 4:
[50:13] Fraggle Rock was cool.

Speaker 8:
[50:15] Fraggle Rock was real cool.

Speaker 4:
[50:16] HBO.

Speaker 8:
[50:16] Was it on HBO?

Speaker 4:
[50:17] HBO.

Speaker 7:
[50:18] Yeah, it was on HBO, Fraggle Rock.

Speaker 8:
[50:20] No way. Yeah, it was like a PBS thing.

Speaker 4:
[50:22] What was the theme song? How'd that go? Fraggle Rock.

Speaker 8:
[50:25] I don't remember it, but I know it.

Speaker 7:
[50:26] Fraggle Rock. It's time to go to Fraggle Rock.

Speaker 3:
[50:32] It was also Fraggle Rock when Louis was a drummer.

Speaker 7:
[50:36] That wasn't a laugh. That was just a whoa.

Speaker 3:
[50:40] I felt like he stepped on drummer. If I could have got drummer out, it would have popped, but he started woeing.

Speaker 4:
[50:46] I liked it.

Speaker 3:
[50:47] Yeah, he liked it, too. I thought it was Fraggle Rock. Because you played drums and you're gay. What the fuck?

Speaker 8:
[50:55] Joe without his cookies.

Speaker 7:
[50:56] Want more coffee? Yeah, why not?

Speaker 8:
[50:58] I'm okay. Thanks, Paco.

Speaker 4:
[50:58] I'm good. Thank you, Paco.

Speaker 3:
[51:00] Yeah, I'm good, too. Thank you, Spider.

Speaker 4:
[51:02] I never want a second cup.

Speaker 8:
[51:05] Joe, his cookie.

Speaker 3:
[51:06] Oh, who farted?

Speaker 4:
[51:08] You.

Speaker 3:
[51:08] That's crazy.

Speaker 4:
[51:09] That's you.

Speaker 7:
[51:10] Oh, it is you. It's not me.

Speaker 4:
[51:12] Was it Paco? Paco, did you fart?

Speaker 7:
[51:14] Paco, that's...

Speaker 4:
[51:15] Danny, is that you?

Speaker 7:
[51:15] That boy is sending us a picture of your shit.

Speaker 8:
[51:18] Is farting?

Speaker 7:
[51:19] Yeah.

Speaker 8:
[51:20] I don't agree with that.

Speaker 7:
[51:21] We found out on Legion of Skanks that sending people a picture of your shit without permission is actually a crime.

Speaker 8:
[51:25] No way.

Speaker 4:
[51:26] We should get Danny arrested.

Speaker 3:
[51:27] Oh, I do it a lot.

Speaker 8:
[51:28] Yeah. What is it? It's under some sort of revenge porn. What's the law that says you can't... Is it harassment?

Speaker 7:
[51:35] Yeah, harassment, the threat of bodily harm. Well, bodily harm because Ari's had blood in it. So sending somebody a picture of blood and shit.

Speaker 4:
[51:43] What about leaving it in the bathroom for your family to find?

Speaker 8:
[51:46] Yeah, he did that to me too. He did that to you?

Speaker 4:
[51:48] Yeah, he stayed at my house one night and just left a bloody shit in the toilet.

Speaker 8:
[51:53] Who found it?

Speaker 4:
[51:53] I did.

Speaker 8:
[51:54] Oh, I could have set back Max. I could have really him up.

Speaker 4:
[51:59] Fucking disgusting.

Speaker 8:
[52:00] He would have been very anti-Semitic after that.

Speaker 4:
[52:01] He bleeds a lot out of his ass, like deep blood.

Speaker 3:
[52:04] All day, every day.

Speaker 4:
[52:05] Yeah, not like regular blood.

Speaker 8:
[52:07] Does he have hemorrhoids?

Speaker 4:
[52:08] I guess he has hemorrhoids.

Speaker 8:
[52:10] Horrible, horrible hemorrhoids.

Speaker 4:
[52:11] Just bleeds.

Speaker 7:
[52:12] I would have to have that fixed. It would fuck me up in my head, like I couldn't get through the day.

Speaker 8:
[52:17] Nothing feels better. It's like a swish than a clean poop.

Speaker 7:
[52:19] Oh yeah.

Speaker 4:
[52:20] Well, we're in Cuba.

Speaker 8:
[52:21] Nothing but net.

Speaker 4:
[52:21] You can't flush the toilet paper down, so you had to put it in a barrel next to the toilet.

Speaker 7:
[52:29] What a shitty country.

Speaker 8:
[52:30] We had to pick Russia over us.

Speaker 4:
[52:33] He warned me, he goes, dude, I'm gonna, this is gonna be bloody, so don't open it if you're gonna.

Speaker 3:
[52:37] Oh, it's like you live with a teenage girl.

Speaker 4:
[52:39] Yeah, it was just blood in a barrel, like a lot though.

Speaker 8:
[52:43] How is he not scared?

Speaker 4:
[52:44] How is he not dying?

Speaker 8:
[52:44] Every time I wiped my butt and there was blood, I'd be so scared.

Speaker 3:
[52:47] Well, that's the thing too, is that that's like a canary in the coal mine. He'll never know, because he does it every day. So he could have colon cancer and not know.

Speaker 8:
[52:54] I would just be so scared every day.

Speaker 7:
[52:57] Canary in a coal mine.

Speaker 4:
[53:00] I like that. All right, fuck it, come on.

Speaker 7:
[53:02] Canary in a coal mine.

Speaker 4:
[53:03] He had a cute face when he did it.

Speaker 8:
[53:04] Andy Colon?

Speaker 3:
[53:05] Well, I guess I can throw out mine now. He puts the ass in harassment.

Speaker 8:
[53:09] I'm not gonna let you go down for that one. I'll stand between you and this Bob there.

Speaker 3:
[53:14] Well, I kept mine in until you did your bullshit.

Speaker 7:
[53:17] I said canary in a coal mine, that was funny.

Speaker 8:
[53:19] You guys, this is a real Joe vs. Lewis day today.

Speaker 3:
[53:21] Colin Powell.

Speaker 6:
[53:22] Yeah, it is a Joe. It is very...

Speaker 4:
[53:24] Oh, they're back. They make up quick.

Speaker 8:
[53:27] One down, one down.

Speaker 3:
[53:27] I'll make up quick.

Speaker 7:
[53:30] Very punny.

Speaker 8:
[53:31] I like it. You love puns. Silly Billy Lewis?

Speaker 7:
[53:34] Silly Billy Lewis loves puns.

Speaker 8:
[53:35] So your intention is not to go silly Billy.

Speaker 3:
[53:37] But now you're getting sleepy.

Speaker 7:
[53:38] I'm going very serious. If you're gonna be Rogan, I'll be me.

Speaker 8:
[53:40] Okay. Straight whore moves, what do you think?

Speaker 7:
[53:46] I love straight whores. Yes.

Speaker 8:
[53:48] Bro, let's grapple.

Speaker 7:
[53:49] And a moose.

Speaker 3:
[53:50] Joe's reaction would be, he does that a lot when you do a joke. Yeah, that too.

Speaker 8:
[53:56] It's a good laugh.

Speaker 7:
[53:58] He goes, Why don't you get high with, he does that a lot when you're on the biggest platform in the world and he's like, nah, it's the worst when you do a joke, he goes, boo.

Speaker 4:
[54:18] Anyways, he does a joke and he goes, what? Yeah, shit.

Speaker 7:
[54:23] No, what does he say? He goes, what do you mean by that? No, he goes, he says something, a specific thing. We, you know, we want to joke bombs.

Speaker 4:
[54:34] Let him work it out, let him work it out.

Speaker 7:
[54:35] Yeah, you know, that's what he would have said.

Speaker 3:
[54:37] He goes, bap bap, something like that.

Speaker 7:
[54:39] Bap bap, bap.

Speaker 5:
[54:41] No, he goes, womp womp.

Speaker 7:
[54:42] He gives you a womp womp.

Speaker 8:
[54:44] Yeah. That's spiral.

Speaker 7:
[54:45] You do a joke like a silly Billy joke. It's like a little punny, fun, little fucking.

Speaker 8:
[54:49] Let me tell you, when I'm goosing, and he'll go right to your wrist and go, womp womp. If I'm goosing.

Speaker 7:
[54:54] Well, I'll never tell a joke on this platform again.

Speaker 8:
[54:56] If I'm goosing it, if I'm silly goosing it and you womp womp me, I'm going to want to bite you like a goose.

Speaker 7:
[55:00] It's bad.

Speaker 8:
[55:01] I'm going to be like, I'm out.

Speaker 4:
[55:02] Have you been on, right?

Speaker 8:
[55:03] Yeah. The first time it was second time I got high and it was fun because I just went in and I was like, I was silly goose and had a good time.

Speaker 7:
[55:10] Maybe I was silly goose.

Speaker 4:
[55:10] You should silly goose it.

Speaker 8:
[55:12] I came. Here's what I do.

Speaker 7:
[55:13] First half, no silly goose, second half.

Speaker 8:
[55:15] I got high with them, though. That was the big thing. I got high before, so I wasn't like scared.

Speaker 4:
[55:19] You must have good weed, right?

Speaker 8:
[55:20] Great weed. And then I went in and got high and we just drank coffee and it was silly.

Speaker 7:
[55:24] Yeah, they found this weed on Mars.

Speaker 8:
[55:26] I was like, this great.

Speaker 7:
[55:28] Oh, I was smoking Cat Williams inside of a meteorite.

Speaker 8:
[55:31] I lit up a joint and he was like, I was like, oh, that's good.

Speaker 4:
[55:34] That would make my mind explode.

Speaker 8:
[55:37] Luis starts bleeding out of his nose. You challenge him to a grappling match in the studio.

Speaker 3:
[55:44] I bet you could fuck up Joe now. He's out of practice, he's old.

Speaker 4:
[55:47] What?

Speaker 8:
[55:47] No, he would crush Luis.

Speaker 2:
[55:49] No, no, no.

Speaker 7:
[55:50] I could have boxing.

Speaker 3:
[55:51] That's what I'm talking about.

Speaker 4:
[55:52] You should do that.

Speaker 7:
[55:53] You don't think you could have boxing?

Speaker 3:
[55:54] Fist Fight Rogan.

Speaker 7:
[55:55] No. My boxing was getting played.

Speaker 4:
[55:56] Have you ever invited him to Stankfest?

Speaker 7:
[55:59] Yeah, I invite him every time to Stankfest.

Speaker 4:
[56:01] Did he ever say, I'll go, maybe I'll go?

Speaker 7:
[56:03] Yeah, yeah. We say, You know what? Never mind. That's why he's never been there. He says yes, and then we say, we take it back, Joe. We don't want you there.

Speaker 8:
[56:11] Sorry, you should have interviewed Kamala. You're not allowed at Stankfest.

Speaker 7:
[56:16] No, obviously he's never said yes, or he would have been there.

Speaker 4:
[56:19] No, I didn't say that. I said, has he ever said like, yeah, I'm gonna come and not come is what I meant. Like he's, yeah, I'm gonna show up.

Speaker 7:
[56:25] But I've done that with my girlfriend before though.

Speaker 8:
[56:27] Yeah, that's fun.

Speaker 7:
[56:27] When he feels you're about to come.

Speaker 8:
[56:28] That's your 40s.

Speaker 7:
[56:29] Your arm gives out, you're like, oh.

Speaker 8:
[56:31] The 40s where you go, this is, the middle was very fun. I'm not gonna stay around it yet.

Speaker 7:
[56:34] You have to lie down. She's like, is it me? I was like, stop saying that.

Speaker 8:
[56:38] Stop it. You know what it is? I was getting it in my head.

Speaker 4:
[56:40] It's 100% you.

Speaker 8:
[56:41] Yes, well, it's a mixture of both. Little column A, little column B, little column to row. Column to row. Little both. I think you go Silly Billy, full Silly Billy with fucking Rogan.

Speaker 4:
[56:53] I think you go in Silly Billy.

Speaker 8:
[56:57] Or the aggressively political, aggressively political.

Speaker 4:
[57:00] What are your political views? What are you gonna start out with?

Speaker 7:
[57:03] Okay, you know what? War of Hormuz.

Speaker 8:
[57:05] Straight up Hormuz.

Speaker 4:
[57:06] It's the straight war of Iran.

Speaker 7:
[57:08] War of, War of Attrition.

Speaker 8:
[57:11] War of Attrition, that's good! Build off that, build off that.

Speaker 7:
[57:15] Monkeys, gorillas, wolves, get into space travel, the moon, Elon.

Speaker 8:
[57:20] What's in beef jerky?

Speaker 7:
[57:22] Beef, veal, elk.

Speaker 8:
[57:25] Whoa!

Speaker 7:
[57:26] Whoa! Howie from Blossom.

Speaker 8:
[57:28] Joey Lawrence.

Speaker 7:
[57:28] I'll do my impression of Joey Lawrence from Blossom.

Speaker 5:
[57:31] Whoa!

Speaker 8:
[57:32] And he goes, whomp whomp.

Speaker 5:
[57:33] Whomp whomp.

Speaker 4:
[57:33] Whoa! Make him, make him drink.

Speaker 8:
[57:34] He goes, do six.

Speaker 7:
[57:35] That was my big finale.

Speaker 8:
[57:36] He goes, do six, put on the hat, do six or get out of my house.

Speaker 4:
[57:40] Make him drink Body Brain on the show.

Speaker 7:
[57:43] He hates that, he does not like that.

Speaker 8:
[57:45] Oh, when you push your wares on him?

Speaker 7:
[57:47] He doesn't want you pushing your products on him.

Speaker 4:
[57:48] You should go in and all body brain.

Speaker 7:
[57:50] Imagine I went on a podcast and pushed my product on them without the permission.

Speaker 8:
[57:53] If you treated Rogan like QVC.

Speaker 4:
[57:55] Hang on one second.

Speaker 8:
[57:56] That's what this podcast is.

Speaker 4:
[57:58] He just said something.

Speaker 5:
[58:00] That's exactly what this is.

Speaker 4:
[58:02] Probably liked it.

Speaker 8:
[58:05] I mean, Luis going full QVC on Rogan would get me to watch.

Speaker 7:
[58:10] He'd just sell everything.

Speaker 8:
[58:11] He brings up a point.

Speaker 5:
[58:12] And I got books and I got coffee.

Speaker 8:
[58:14] That is a great point, Joe. We are down to 15 packs of body brain. These things are flying off the shelf.

Speaker 7:
[58:20] I mean, if he brought it up, it would change my world. I mean, yeah.

Speaker 8:
[58:24] I'll tell you also what it would do. He'd make you so much money that this podcast would shut down.

Speaker 7:
[58:28] Oh my God. Imagine Joe was like, hey, dude, I want to start promoting Body Brain. Change my world.

Speaker 8:
[58:34] You know what I'd do? I would call your number and it would go, The number you have called has been changed.

Speaker 4:
[58:39] Maybe he'd still come in, but he'd pay us.

Speaker 8:
[58:42] What do you mean?

Speaker 7:
[58:43] I told you I'm taking you guys on a Body Brain retreat.

Speaker 4:
[58:45] What's that?

Speaker 7:
[58:45] For all the Body Brain partners.

Speaker 4:
[58:46] Can I have the money for the retreat?

Speaker 7:
[58:47] No.

Speaker 3:
[58:49] Why don't you send us each on an individual trip?

Speaker 8:
[58:52] Oh, my God. That's great.

Speaker 3:
[58:53] That'd be cool.

Speaker 7:
[58:53] Yeah. No, we're all going to go on a Body Brain retreat. You can bring your girls. I don't want to have a villa.

Speaker 4:
[58:58] My girl and your girl. I like a new girl. She's she's cool.

Speaker 7:
[59:04] Yeah, my girl, my current girl, she acts older than Dawn.

Speaker 4:
[59:07] Yeah, she doesn't.

Speaker 7:
[59:09] Sometimes I just see her. She's sitting there just like thinking about like, oh, you're 24. What do you possibly what are you thinking about?

Speaker 8:
[59:14] My grandson. My grandson's addicted to fentanyl.

Speaker 7:
[59:19] She's like, like just having like a day where she's like going through like her problems in life. I was like, you're a hot 24 year old. You have no problems.

Speaker 8:
[59:26] You're a hamster.

Speaker 7:
[59:27] Life is good.

Speaker 8:
[59:28] Just go to the water, drink and then run on your wheel. You asshole. You have nothing to worry about.

Speaker 7:
[59:35] No problem.

Speaker 8:
[59:35] You're just in a clean tank.

Speaker 4:
[59:37] She's looking around.

Speaker 8:
[59:37] With a lot of wood chips under you.

Speaker 4:
[59:39] She's looking around where she is going, fuck, what am I doing?

Speaker 8:
[59:42] How the fuck did I end up here?

Speaker 4:
[59:43] How did I fucking end up in Jersey?

Speaker 8:
[59:45] Dad is right. I would never let a fucking Puerto Rican fuck you without rubber. It's a nice house though. You have a nice house.

Speaker 7:
[59:51] Dude, it was nice.

Speaker 8:
[59:53] She's a stepmom. She's probably always wanted to be a 24 year old stepmom.

Speaker 7:
[59:56] She's not a stepmom. She doesn't live with me. She lives far away.

Speaker 3:
[60:02] How far?

Speaker 7:
[60:02] Two hours.

Speaker 8:
[60:04] Really?

Speaker 3:
[60:04] She lives with her parents?

Speaker 7:
[60:06] No.

Speaker 8:
[60:06] Okay. You're checking like you're a cop. Like you child services.

Speaker 7:
[60:12] When I was going through the airport with her, I brought her with me to Detroit.

Speaker 8:
[60:16] Oh, absolutely looked trafficked. You bringing her to the airport?

Speaker 7:
[60:20] We're going through clear. And when she gets dressed up, she looks older than her age. She really does. She presents as like, you would assume she's in her late 20s, early 30s. But when she's like wearing, like, her Dora the Explorer backpack, her juicy sweatpants, that's her look at the airport.

Speaker 8:
[60:39] It's like juicy sweatpants and a blue shirt.

Speaker 3:
[60:42] She has the shoes with wheels on them.

Speaker 8:
[60:43] Yeah. The Heelys. Yeah, she got Heelys. She's just singing bluey, going to the airport. Excuse me, sir.

Speaker 7:
[60:54] No, dude, she's straight up like, look young. And we're walking through the airport.

Speaker 8:
[60:58] She is.

Speaker 7:
[60:59] And the agent at Clear was like, excuse me, how old are you, Mr. That's the international sign for being abducted.

Speaker 8:
[61:07] If she's funny, she should do that to you at an airport.

Speaker 7:
[61:10] Is that the international sign for being abducted?

Speaker 3:
[61:13] They don't put that out enough.

Speaker 8:
[61:15] I know, dude. Me, Santino and Katie were laughing.

Speaker 7:
[61:17] Are they saying fuck you in sign language?

Speaker 8:
[61:20] I don't know. But we were at Norman's show at the Beacon and there was an older guy there that works in the industry that I don't want to name who is kind of creepy and he had a young girl. Rich Voss. And Katie Santino and I kept looking at her and going like this. Wondering if she was me. It was chaffing. We were going, are you okay? So you guys were walking through Clear.

Speaker 7:
[61:39] The Clear agent was like, how old are you? To her.

Speaker 8:
[61:41] She went, this many.

Speaker 7:
[61:46] And then she was like, I'm 24. And then he was like, you look like you're 16 years old. And I was like, she's fine.

Speaker 9:
[61:53] Stop asking questions.

Speaker 4:
[61:54] I was like, you know what?

Speaker 7:
[61:55] I was like, I was like, hold that thought, hold that thought.

Speaker 8:
[61:58] Okay, but she's like, she could be 16.

Speaker 7:
[62:01] Yeah, but they weren't like straight up asking because they were like, are you being trafficked? Are you okay?

Speaker 8:
[62:05] He goes, little girl, are you excited to see Santa this year?

Speaker 9:
[62:07] She goes, I am.

Speaker 8:
[62:09] He goes, take her, she's being trafficked. That's a child. Dude, were you nervous at all? Were you like, cause you're old.

Speaker 7:
[62:14] She's of age.

Speaker 8:
[62:15] But I'd be like, she's legal. I don't know how I would feel about that.

Speaker 7:
[62:18] She's not even barely legal. She's legal, legal, like well above the line.

Speaker 8:
[62:22] Past her prime, legal. Oh my God.

Speaker 3:
[62:23] Right there.

Speaker 7:
[62:24] Right there, no.

Speaker 3:
[62:25] But she's below the divide by two and seven.

Speaker 7:
[62:30] So double your age.

Speaker 8:
[62:31] It's divide your age and a half.

Speaker 3:
[62:33] Double your age.

Speaker 7:
[62:34] I just turned 44.

Speaker 8:
[62:35] 22 plus seven is 29.

Speaker 7:
[62:37] 29 is so old.

Speaker 8:
[62:40] What?

Speaker 4:
[62:41] What?

Speaker 8:
[62:41] Have you hung out with a 29 year old? You'll feel old.

Speaker 7:
[62:44] So old.

Speaker 2:
[62:45] 29 is not old.

Speaker 4:
[62:48] 29, 30 is perfect.

Speaker 7:
[62:49] If you want to have kids one day, here's a problem. You got to spend two, three years with somebody at least before you know if you want to get married with them and spend the rest of your life with them and have kids with them. So then now she's 32 years old. Now you're entering geriatric pregnancy territory.

Speaker 4:
[63:04] It's not true. It's like 40 is when they cut that.

Speaker 7:
[63:08] 35, they call it a geriatric pregnancy.

Speaker 8:
[63:09] Do they really?

Speaker 4:
[63:10] Do they?

Speaker 7:
[63:11] Really?

Speaker 8:
[63:12] Yeah. I mean, it's mean, but it is funny. They go, what are you, 35?

Speaker 7:
[63:14] Old bitch pregnancy.

Speaker 8:
[63:15] Yeah. Hey, this Jurassic Park bitch wants to have an egg.

Speaker 4:
[63:18] Hey, you're going to have a kid with a hair lip.

Speaker 8:
[63:22] Get ready for you to do a lot of the teaching at home.

Speaker 7:
[63:24] I don't want to have a rhetorical.

Speaker 3:
[63:25] You're trying to have a kid with this lady?

Speaker 7:
[63:27] If it works out.

Speaker 8:
[63:28] What will be the final test? Your eliminator challenge that you put in your backyard. If you get through the course, I'll give you a son. You'll sire me a son.

Speaker 7:
[63:39] No, I mean, if it works out, if you fall in love and everything's great, and you spend, you know, so you want to spend the rest of your life. I'm not going to have another broken home.

Speaker 8:
[63:46] Broken home!

Speaker 9:
[63:49] Broken home!

Speaker 7:
[63:52] I'm not going to have another broken home. I wouldn't do that. That sucked.

Speaker 3:
[63:56] What happened to your home?

Speaker 8:
[63:59] She left.

Speaker 7:
[64:00] She left.

Speaker 8:
[64:03] But then you're going to make James the first, you're going to make him the first family kid?

Speaker 7:
[64:07] Yeah, why not?

Speaker 8:
[64:08] He's going to come through and be like...

Speaker 7:
[64:10] Dude, he's 13 now. I am thinking five years away from not having to worry about kids. Sounds pretty incredible.

Speaker 8:
[64:17] Dude, that's why when I did that movie with Alec Baldwin and he literally, his advice to me was like, don't spend a lot of money. I was like 32. He's like, don't spend money until you're 40. He was like, listen, my daughter's 18 right now. I've got a house in this. Or however old his daughter was, he was like telling me, he's like, I'm free. And then after we did that movie, he met that lady and had seven kids. And you're like, dude, you were out. You told me you were out.

Speaker 7:
[64:41] He was like, I have to be near Beatrice. Like where I live, it's like, I have to be a quick drive. Like, and that's been for his whole life.

Speaker 8:
[64:51] Yeah, you've been very good about that, which we all love.

Speaker 4:
[64:52] Yeah, like when Diva, not to compare it to dogs, I mean, children are 100% different, but when Diva died, he'd be so aggressive. Why don't you chill out a little bit?

Speaker 8:
[65:04] Silly Billy.

Speaker 4:
[65:04] Yeah, silly Billy, not fucking aggressive.

Speaker 3:
[65:07] Now he's like hung over, he's all fucked up.

Speaker 7:
[65:09] I could use a little more weed right now.

Speaker 4:
[65:10] When Diva passed, I was sad as fuck, but I realized I didn't have to go.

Speaker 8:
[65:16] Take her for a walk.

Speaker 4:
[65:17] And take her for a walk, I didn't have to pick up dogs. I was like, hmm.

Speaker 8:
[65:20] Yeah. You know what I mean?

Speaker 4:
[65:21] It's like when Max is 18, oh, Max goes out.

Speaker 8:
[65:23] You're gonna miss him.

Speaker 4:
[65:24] I'll miss the fuck out of him.

Speaker 8:
[65:25] But then you're gonna have that.

Speaker 4:
[65:26] But not to have to, dad, just to have that time.

Speaker 8:
[65:32] Just you and Don't go.

Speaker 4:
[65:33] But I did it the other way. Like you had a kid young.

Speaker 8:
[65:35] Yeah.

Speaker 4:
[65:36] I waited. If I could reverse it, I would have had a kid.

Speaker 8:
[65:39] Nate used to have the best joke about that, about 16 and pregnant. And he goes, now their kids are 18 and they're 32 out of the house. He goes, I think they got the right way. He's like, I think 16 and pregnant is the way to go.

Speaker 7:
[65:49] But don't you kind of miss Max? Like James is finally at an age now where they all text him and he doesn't know how to turn his red messages off.

Speaker 8:
[65:56] Sure.

Speaker 7:
[65:56] So it's like, hey, what's going on, bub? Miss you. Just thinking about you over the weekend.

Speaker 8:
[65:59] And it's red.

Speaker 7:
[66:00] Leaves it on red. Just nothing. Just absolutely nothing back at all.

Speaker 8:
[66:05] That would sting.

Speaker 4:
[66:06] Well anytime I come home.

Speaker 7:
[66:06] Oh, it hurts.

Speaker 4:
[66:07] You come home to an empty house sometimes. I, every time I go home, they're there. You know what I mean? You get to come home once in a while to where nobody's home and just be alone.

Speaker 8:
[66:17] Just being on the road with like all of our friends have young kids. A lot of our friends have young kids now and being on the road and then like Greg Stone, you know, he's got two young kids and I'll be like, hey, I think we're gonna leave tomorrow at like, we're gonna go to the next city at like 10, 30 a.m. And he's like, that's fantastic. He's like, I have a whole morning. You don't realize he's like, this is me being on the road. I get to just sleep in and be myself and get breakfast in the hotel and go. And you're like, oh yeah.

Speaker 3:
[66:41] Yeah, it's crazy. Well, McCusker and I talked about that one time. People without kids will be like, oh, my flight was delayed four hours. And he's like, oh wow, what did you have to do? Read a book? It's like when you have a two year old, your flight's delayed. You're like, we're fucked.

Speaker 8:
[66:54] Yeah.

Speaker 3:
[66:55] You're just chasing a killer rat.

Speaker 8:
[66:55] I really do feel grateful when I'm traveling. And I see people with kids and I go, this is, I've got nothing to complain about.

Speaker 3:
[67:02] I just had Sarah and Marty in the road with me this week, and they flew home Saturday and I dropped them to the airport. It's like sad. You're like hugging them goodbye. And it's like a sweet trip. And then you get in the car and there's just no one in the car. And you're like, this is delightful.

Speaker 8:
[67:14] Yeah, next week.

Speaker 3:
[67:15] And flying home without a kid is.

Speaker 8:
[67:16] I mean, even not having a kid, when you live with somebody or whatever, we have a dog, you know, and they're both, we're sending the dog, because I got to go out of town, she's got to go out of town. She's going to be out of town before me.

Speaker 2:
[67:25] And then I'm at the apartment and I'm like, well, I told Dante, I go, I need a vacation.

Speaker 4:
[67:30] She goes, you were just home all weekend. I go, yeah, but you and you guys were here. So I had to fix this and do that. Go here and pick him up. And, you know, Max just goes out with friends now and I'll get a call. Hey, dad, can you come here? It's like, I'm in the middle of a fucking John Wayne movie. Yeah, I'll go. I mean, I don't mind doing it. I love that he has a dad that loves him. But there is to go away by. I remember going away just me and Don to Aruba. Wake up and no plans.

Speaker 3:
[68:01] Fuck. Fuck. Reverse cowgirl. The sailor.

Speaker 4:
[68:07] I never did the sailor.

Speaker 9:
[68:09] The sailor?

Speaker 8:
[68:11] Anchor in, bitch.

Speaker 4:
[68:13] It's more of a tugboat, yeah.

Speaker 8:
[68:14] But there really is a thing where you, and then after they're gone for a little bit, you go, all right, this sucks. You give it like two days, then you go, when are you coming home?

Speaker 7:
[68:24] Do you jerk off in front of your dog?

Speaker 4:
[68:25] Whoa.

Speaker 7:
[68:26] No.

Speaker 3:
[68:27] Whoa. Do you jerk off on your dog?

Speaker 8:
[68:29] Yes. I go, California.

Speaker 7:
[68:31] My dog, I mean, she's attached to me, so she never leaves me alone.

Speaker 8:
[68:34] She will go.

Speaker 7:
[68:35] So now I jerk off and I use coconut oil.

Speaker 8:
[68:40] Oh, wow. Very sensual.

Speaker 7:
[68:42] I mean, dogs love the smell and flavor.

Speaker 8:
[68:43] Yeah, they want to eat it. So she's like...

Speaker 3:
[68:46] Luis is getting his dick sucked by it.

Speaker 4:
[68:47] Coconut oil, though, is the shit.

Speaker 7:
[68:49] Coconut oil is the best to jerk off on.

Speaker 3:
[68:51] I don't know about coconut oil.

Speaker 5:
[68:53] Oh, it is the best.

Speaker 7:
[68:54] It's better than lotion. Imagine your wife's pussy.

Speaker 8:
[69:00] If you will.

Speaker 3:
[69:01] Can I imagine someone else's pussy?

Speaker 7:
[69:02] Imagine it better. That's coconut oil in a hand. Oh, my God. So perfect. Perfect viscosity.

Speaker 4:
[69:09] When I jerk off with doodles as in the bed, as soon as I pull my pants down, she'll go.

Speaker 2:
[69:16] They get angry and then she leaves.

Speaker 8:
[69:17] They get angry.

Speaker 4:
[69:18] I'm pretty sure it's my grandmother.

Speaker 7:
[69:20] I wish Apple would leave. That's so funny.

Speaker 8:
[69:22] You say that one time I jerked off and I was like, I don't know, man, just I'm going to. And then I was like, Myrtle, get down, get off the bed. And then she went to the ground and then I grabbed the lotion and I just hear the yeah, the feet going out of the room. And I go, well, I'm sorry, I have to do this. But you just hear the little claws going like.

Speaker 4:
[69:38] Doodle's nose, Doodle's nose, you piece of shit.

Speaker 8:
[69:41] Also my dog will hit me with a sigh that makes me feel bad, where she'll go in her kennel and be like.

Speaker 4:
[69:47] Yeah, that's right, my dog.

Speaker 7:
[69:50] Apple comes to the top of my pillow while I'm jerking off, dude. And she wraps her head, her body around my head.

Speaker 8:
[69:55] That's a beastie out. And then like, that's a form of beast out.

Speaker 7:
[69:58] She has her face looking at me like this and she has, you know, she's got a.

Speaker 8:
[70:00] And you're just fucking whacking it.

Speaker 7:
[70:02] She's like, cock or spangle, so she's got like these big eyes. She's like, look, she's right here.

Speaker 8:
[70:07] And you're just whacking it while she's like.

Speaker 4:
[70:08] You gotta be careful, man. That might be your thing. You might only come with a cock or spangle on your head.

Speaker 7:
[70:13] Shoot her, because if sometimes I get my load, if it's the first load of the day.

Speaker 8:
[70:16] She'll eat all of it.

Speaker 7:
[70:17] It'll just hit her right in the face.

Speaker 3:
[70:18] Wait, first load of the day, are you still coming multiple times in a day? Oh yeah.

Speaker 8:
[70:21] Really?

Speaker 3:
[70:22] Wow, at 44? I have to go every other day. I can't even nut two days in a row. So if you have sex with your girl.

Speaker 8:
[70:27] I had three on Saturday because I was in the hotel and I was like, what am I, black?

Speaker 3:
[70:31] Three?

Speaker 4:
[70:32] I can do two.

Speaker 8:
[70:32] I did three. I got to the hotel, did one, back from the show, did one, middle of the night was like, why not again?

Speaker 4:
[70:39] When I go on the road, that's my fucking me time.

Speaker 8:
[70:42] You know what I mean though?

Speaker 4:
[70:43] Soon as I get, do I go now or after?

Speaker 8:
[70:46] You know when you pull the fan Kleenex out? You go, get out of here, give me the other one.

Speaker 4:
[70:50] I just take the whole roll of toilet paper and put it in the bed next to me like a...

Speaker 7:
[70:53] Oh no, I use the medium size towel.

Speaker 3:
[70:54] Yeah, you gotta use the towel.

Speaker 6:
[70:56] Medium size towel.

Speaker 4:
[70:57] No, I agree with that. I'll do that once in a while, when I'm at the hotel.

Speaker 3:
[71:01] Yeah, just hold on.

Speaker 4:
[71:01] That's what the medium size towel is for.

Speaker 7:
[71:03] Yeah, you have a washcloth, you have a towel, then we have a, do I have a midget friend for these tiny towels?

Speaker 6:
[71:10] Well, thank you, Dan. I needed to get into the shower.

Speaker 4:
[71:14] The medium size towel is to jerk off with.

Speaker 8:
[71:16] Oh my God.

Speaker 7:
[71:17] Jerk off towel.

Speaker 8:
[71:17] You know what's crazy?

Speaker 4:
[71:18] Jerk off towel.

Speaker 3:
[71:19] Or a pizza towel.

Speaker 8:
[71:20] Remember when MacBook used to have that thing on the charger where you could unclip it and you realized that was for the cord?

Speaker 7:
[71:25] Yeah.

Speaker 8:
[71:25] That's what I'm realizing the medium size towel is for. Right now I go, son of a bitch.

Speaker 7:
[71:29] You're right. By the way, I will use it sometimes just simply as a napkin. Yeah.

Speaker 8:
[71:33] Oh my God. If I get food?

Speaker 7:
[71:37] Last day at the hotel, I turn it to a hoarder. I'm just using the towels as a napkin. I'm throwing shit on the floor.

Speaker 8:
[71:44] The medium towel though.

Speaker 4:
[71:46] Dude, at my fattest, I would get the full towel and put it over my belly.

Speaker 8:
[71:50] Like an operation?

Speaker 4:
[71:51] Yeah. Just sit there with the towel.

Speaker 7:
[71:53] Probably takes the bed sheet and tucks it into a shirt. That's a napkin.

Speaker 3:
[71:57] No, I used a cum towel and then I mistook it for the pizza towel and then I just smeared my own towel over my face.

Speaker 8:
[72:04] That's a lie.

Speaker 3:
[72:04] I got so fucking hard.

Speaker 8:
[72:06] That's a lie.

Speaker 7:
[72:07] That's a joke.

Speaker 3:
[72:08] It's not a lie.

Speaker 7:
[72:08] One time I took the pizza and I wiped the floor with a cum.

Speaker 4:
[72:10] What are you, fucking an investigator?

Speaker 3:
[72:13] What did you say, Luis?

Speaker 8:
[72:14] Joe would like that.

Speaker 3:
[72:15] No, what did you say?

Speaker 7:
[72:16] Forget it.

Speaker 3:
[72:17] No, because it sounded like a fucking shit bomb and I want to hear it.

Speaker 8:
[72:23] You said it sounded like it really shit your pants back there.

Speaker 3:
[72:28] Let's do plugs.

Speaker 4:
[72:30] Let's do plugs.

Speaker 7:
[72:31] You're taking the Silly Billy Wind out of my sails.

Speaker 3:
[72:34] No, the drugs wore off. You're like a totally different person.

Speaker 7:
[72:37] I've got to get more drugs.

Speaker 4:
[72:38] Go downstairs.

Speaker 7:
[72:40] I will.

Speaker 8:
[72:40] I'm going to go right now.

Speaker 7:
[72:41] Let me go first and then I'll go smoke that. Then I'll come back all fucking silly Billy.

Speaker 8:
[72:45] I'll go second and then I'll come down there and take a whack of it.

Speaker 7:
[72:48] Yeah, you will.

Speaker 3:
[72:48] What website?

Speaker 7:
[72:51] Shut the fuck up.

Speaker 3:
[72:52] No, it has Down syndrome.

Speaker 8:
[72:53] It's like, hey, I love you.

Speaker 4:
[72:54] Can I hug you?

Speaker 8:
[72:55] This website just keeps asking if I want to hug.

Speaker 3:
[72:57] I like that my Asian voice website is up, but you're...

Speaker 4:
[72:59] Dan, what do you got?

Speaker 7:
[73:00] Hey, if you're listening to this... Then I'll come down with you.

Speaker 8:
[73:03] If you're listening to this, I'm going to be at the Grand Falls Casino. This is coming out this week. Larchwood, Iowa. It's technically the last date of the Golden Retriever of Comedy Tour, so come on out. We're doing the Grand Falls Casino. Greg Stone, Ada McCluskey with me. It's going to be great. Love Greg Stone. And then I'll see you at Netflix as a joke, doing a movie watch along at the Avalon May 6. We're watching Made in Manhattan. Netflix is going to be mad I said this, but I'm doing it with Tim Dillon. We're not supposed to promote it yet, but I'm promoting it to the Regz audience. Tim Dillon and I will be watching Made in Manhattan at the Avalon. It's going to be very fun. And then Omaha Funny Bone, May 15th through May 15th and 16th. Just run in the hour. And then Newark, New Jersey at the NPAC, New Jersey Performing Arts Center. I'm going to be there June 5th for one show, and then taping the Netflix special June 13th. It's sold out, so thanks to everybody about tickets for that. But I'll be at New Jersey Performance Arts Center June 5th. dansoder.com for tickets. Listen to Soder, the podcast. Thank you very much.

Speaker 4:
[74:07] Luis, Luis, what do you got?

Speaker 7:
[74:09] Kem, see me live on the road next week in St. Catharines, Ontario, Canada, Toronto right after that, Fort Myers, Florida, Springfield, Missouri, Tulsa, Oklahoma, Oklahoma City, Oklahoma and more. Go to my website, lewisofskanks.com. The ride will be this tour. Come to a city near you. Sign up for my mailing list. Check out my book, Knives and Spoons. You can get it on Amazon right now. Buy the coffee. Do all that stuff, guys.

Speaker 4:
[74:31] Great book, too.

Speaker 7:
[74:32] And subscribe to GaS Digital. You guys should fucking go do that. If you love the show, you get an uncensored and ad-free version of the show plus the on-demand library. A bunch of episodes aren't available anywhere else anymore.

Speaker 4:
[74:42] Use the code REGS when you sign up.

Speaker 7:
[74:44] Oh, yeah.

Speaker 3:
[74:44] Thanks. Netflix Festival. I'll be out there also May 7th at the Hollywood Improv. And then everybody, Scotland, England, Ireland, Northern Ireland, let's go. I'm coming to Glasgow May 17th, London May 21st, May 22nd. Added a second show by popular demand going to Bristol, Dublin, Belfast and then I'm doing Governors June 13th through the 12th and 13th, I guess it looks like. And then Empire Comedy Club in Portland, May and July 2nd and 3rd, back to Tacoma July 23rd to the 25th.

Speaker 4:
[75:15] Empire Comedy Club. Is that the same one as in Batavia?

Speaker 3:
[75:19] I don't think so. This is one in Portland. Have you done the Portland Empire Comedy Club? Oh, you got to do it. Oh wait, Danny said you did do it.

Speaker 4:
[75:26] I did do it.

Speaker 10:
[75:27] Yeah, it's the one that you asked Joe to do in the room. It was a very small room.

Speaker 3:
[75:33] Well, anyways, it's fucking awesome. And go to Punch Up. We're on Punch Up. I love Punch Up. Subscribe to the email list. You got to do it. That's the best way. Fuck it. We email you directly. Hey, we're coming to your town. You'll never miss the show.

Speaker 4:
[75:44] From us, not from some...

Speaker 3:
[75:45] I write the email.

Speaker 4:
[75:46] I write the email, too.

Speaker 3:
[75:47] It's not some bullshit.

Speaker 4:
[75:48] It's great. All right, go to PunchUp.live slash Robert Kelly for all my dates. I'm going to be in... I think it's... When is this coming out? Next week. Next week. All right. So you'll miss me at Comics Roadhouse. But I will be in Uncle Vinny's April 24th and 25th in Point Pleasant. Then I'm going to Cleveland to Hilarity's the 15th and the 16th. I got one show, May 21st, at New York Comedy Club in Stanford. And then I'm doing a little New Orleans run at the Halloween Wolf. And then Alabama, I'm going to the Crescent Theatre for the 22nd and the 23rd. And then I'm going out to Long Island back at Governor's. And then I'm doing for this summer. Get your tickets now, the 3rd, the 4th and the 5th at the mothership. And then I got a bunch of other dates up there. So please go get your tickets now. Go to PunchUp.live and sign up. And it tells you where I'm going to be near. You just click the link and you get the tickets right there. It couldn't be simpler. And that's it. And make sure you check out, of course, on Bonfire. You got YKWD where all this stuff started. And that's it. We'll see. Well, I guess, what are we taking a break now? A cookie break?

Speaker 3:
[77:01] Oh, I'll talk about this.

Speaker 8:
[77:02] Do it, dude. Let us know.

Speaker 4:
[77:04] Oh, baby.

Speaker 3:
[77:05] This show is sponsored by Quince.

Speaker 8:
[77:07] What is the Quince?

Speaker 3:
[77:08] Dude, what is the Quince?

Speaker 4:
[77:09] Love a Quince.

Speaker 3:
[77:10] Foods that start with a little coo. Quince is awesome. My wife's birthday is this week. Well, that last week, if you're listening to this. But, I bought.

Speaker 4:
[77:18] I said happy 45th.

Speaker 3:
[77:19] Everything. She's gonna love you, dude. My wife could pass for 35. I swear to God. She is hot as a pistol. Anyways, I bought all the stuff at Quince. I went to Quince. I bought stuff for my baby. I bought everything for my wife. It fits perfect. The website is so easy to use. I am a moron. It says, women's clothing. You click on it and it just boosh.

Speaker 4:
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Speaker 3:
[77:39] You buy all the stuff.

Speaker 8:
[77:40] All your little J. Edgar Hoovers.

Speaker 3:
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Speaker 4:
[77:54] I saw, I was like, this isn't really my style, blah, blah, blah. Then I saw jackets, the pants, all this. I go to Quince outfits now and I look fantastic.

Speaker 8:
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Speaker 4:
[78:30] You want to dress like the regs?

Speaker 8:
[78:32] Boom. Lucy, you love Lucy.

Speaker 4:
[78:35] I love Lucy.

Speaker 8:
[78:35] You can speak from the heart on this one.

Speaker 3:
[78:37] I love Lucy, great show.

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Speaker 8:
[78:59] I did like it.

Speaker 4:
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Speaker 8:
[79:16] You're getting it popped in your mouth.

Speaker 4:
[79:17] Yeah.

Speaker 3:
[79:18] Whoa.

Speaker 4:
[79:19] I love it.

Speaker 3:
[79:19] Right in the back of the throat and you swallow it and you have a good time.

Speaker 8:
[79:22] Okay.

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Speaker 4:
[80:01] Just a little bit. You did fantastic. We're not going to fault you for it. Like some other people do.

Speaker 8:
[80:05] Some people do. I don't want to go on a rant here.

Speaker 6:
[80:07] Hey guys, what do you say we get back to the show?

Speaker 9:
[80:09] Yo, get back!

Speaker 6:
[80:12] We're back!

Speaker 3:
[80:13] Whoa! When, folks, when you start a business and I've started many, many businesses.

Speaker 8:
[80:19] You're a business man.

Speaker 3:
[80:20] Well they all failed because at the time I didn't have Shopify. When you start a business there's a lot of what ifs. Obviously Shopify is here to help. Shopify is the commerce platform behind millions of businesses. I know Luis uses Shopify.

Speaker 8:
[80:34] He's Mr. Shopify.

Speaker 3:
[80:36] He uses it for Body Brain, which is awesome. Jesus Christ, Danny, take a cough drop. They have easy to use tools to help your businesses grow all in one place. You can customize your brand in the Shopify Design Studio. Reach customers quickly with their marketing tools. Shopify can even help manage inventory and international shipping. It's time to turn those what ifs into with Shopify today. Sign up for your $1 per month trial today at shopify.com/regz. That's R-E-G-Z. Go to shopify.com/regz. One more time, Dan, tell them how to get there.

Speaker 8:
[81:10] shopify.com/regz with a Z. Hit that. You better hit that sound effect.

Speaker 4:
[81:16] You talk, get me two. What's the fuck that mean?

Speaker 8:
[81:17] It's from, Utah, get me two is from Point Break. It's a line by Papas.

Speaker 3:
[81:25] He says, taste it, which is so funny.

Speaker 8:
[81:26] Yeah.

Speaker 4:
[81:26] No, that's what he goes, give me two.

Speaker 8:
[81:28] Yeah. Utah, give me two. And they're in the car watching the bank.

Speaker 4:
[81:30] He goes, two.

Speaker 3:
[81:31] Yeah. Most ridiculous scene too, because he's just reading the news like this.

Speaker 4:
[81:34] What a fucking interesting actor.

Speaker 8:
[81:36] Gary Busey. Well, that was before, was that before his brain injury or after?

Speaker 4:
[81:40] I think that was after.

Speaker 3:
[81:41] Let's go in. Are we in? Are we back?

Speaker 8:
[81:42] We're in.

Speaker 3:
[81:43] We're talking Point Break. I love talking Point Break.

Speaker 8:
[81:47] Did you watch the remake?

Speaker 4:
[81:48] No, I did. It was fucking horrible. Any, they shouldn't be allowed to remake movies.

Speaker 8:
[81:53] Like White Men Can't Jump, when they tried to redo it with Jack Harlow. You're like, what are you doing? You know how charming Woody Harrelson is?

Speaker 4:
[81:59] It's so stupid that they remake it and they tried, like Blade Runner.

Speaker 8:
[82:03] I like, there's, there's, oh, Joe, you liked it.

Speaker 4:
[82:05] It wasn't a remake, but it was still, just leave the movie alone.

Speaker 8:
[82:08] Blade Runner 2045, I would argue against.

Speaker 4:
[82:10] You liked that movie?

Speaker 8:
[82:11] I didn't think it was bad because it was a sequel and I like what they did with the Harrison Ford showing up and stuff. I thought that was cool. Joe liked a Instagram video that I liked of Vince Vaughn talking to Deadline and he was like, yeah, you guys have fucked yourself in the business because you guys aren't taking risks. You're not about risks. You're about the safest thing. It's too corporate. Everything's about like profit.

Speaker 4:
[82:30] If you got to make something now, you're supposed to just got to make it by yourself. They're not even giving you the money to make something.

Speaker 8:
[82:35] I'm not making money off. I don't know. I want to put this on the pocket.

Speaker 4:
[82:37] Well, they're just saying, well, yeah, we'll do it, but you pay for it and then we'll buy it.

Speaker 8:
[82:41] That's my Netflix special.

Speaker 4:
[82:42] It's crazy.

Speaker 8:
[82:43] That's my Netflix special.

Speaker 6:
[82:47] Hi.

Speaker 3:
[82:47] We're back.

Speaker 6:
[82:48] We're back in.

Speaker 4:
[82:49] They did go nuts back in the late 90s and early.

Speaker 8:
[82:52] Oh, the development deals that you guys got?

Speaker 4:
[82:54] I didn't fucking get you.

Speaker 8:
[82:55] Really?

Speaker 4:
[82:56] I know.

Speaker 8:
[82:56] You were just shooing for one.

Speaker 4:
[82:58] Buddy, I got in to...

Speaker 8:
[82:59] If I worked at NBC, I would have given you $250,000 to develop you as a teacher to special needs school.

Speaker 4:
[83:06] I got in just as those ended.

Speaker 3:
[83:08] I would have done it as a student at a special needs school.

Speaker 5:
[83:12] Half! Joe!

Speaker 8:
[83:14] List!

Speaker 3:
[83:14] You have range.

Speaker 4:
[83:15] Please, don't fucking make excuses.

Speaker 8:
[83:17] Don't do it. Don't kiss him after you punch him.

Speaker 3:
[83:18] No, no, no. Pretend it's a show. I'm the director, obviously, because I'm a director.

Speaker 8:
[83:23] Go ahead.

Speaker 3:
[83:23] And Luis, you're the bully that's going to beat up... But you just blindside him with your fist whenever you feel it. This is kind of the way I do it. And Bobby, you have Down syndrome and you're presenting a class today.

Speaker 8:
[83:34] And I'm the announcer. I'm just the announcer. And now back to another episode of...

Speaker 3:
[83:39] When the spirit moves, it just blasts his head.

Speaker 4:
[83:43] I don't know the end of the question.

Speaker 8:
[83:46] That's good.

Speaker 4:
[83:47] Hello.

Speaker 8:
[83:48] Joe, how are you going to direct this?

Speaker 4:
[83:49] Are you going to hit me?

Speaker 3:
[83:50] Well, I was hoping you would play a part because he's supposed to just nail Bobby.

Speaker 7:
[83:54] Hey man, I don't hit people anymore.

Speaker 8:
[83:58] Oh no, we brought in Silly Billy Lewis.

Speaker 4:
[84:01] Silly Billy.

Speaker 8:
[84:01] We casted the wrong guy.

Speaker 3:
[84:03] You look kind of like Chappelle a little bit.

Speaker 4:
[84:05] Yeah, a little bit.

Speaker 3:
[84:07] Like him pretending to be high, I feel like.

Speaker 2:
[84:08] Whoa, that's pretty cool.

Speaker 4:
[84:10] You do the Chappelle boys and you just mouth it.

Speaker 8:
[84:11] Yeah, like, I can't believe I'm talking this fast. What's wrong with me? I'm so fast, I'm talking, I'm Lewis.

Speaker 3:
[84:18] You see it, I see it a little with the mustache and the crown.

Speaker 8:
[84:22] You're like if Chappelle did Whiteface. No, all right. Hey, look who's there.

Speaker 7:
[84:27] Hey, it's right there. Hey buddy. You're my friend.

Speaker 8:
[84:32] Bombing with the bomb dad, Adrian.

Speaker 9:
[84:34] Yeah.

Speaker 4:
[84:36] I went to West Point this weekend.

Speaker 8:
[84:38] Shit's sick. I saw, I watched your Insta stories.

Speaker 4:
[84:39] Buddy.

Speaker 3:
[84:40] I saw some Insta stories too.

Speaker 8:
[84:41] Didn't we go to a Vandy game there with Nate?

Speaker 3:
[84:42] We went to Vandy Army. It was an overtime game. It was a great game. It was Nate, Alberskate.

Speaker 4:
[84:47] I don't know why they, why don't they do like half time at football games with those fucking, you know, gay rappers making out and shit. They had a helicopter dump seven people out in the air and they all parachuted in.

Speaker 8:
[85:00] Football games still do that where they do the, the air shoot landings. I'll tell you what every half time show should be and that's just dogs catching frisbees. Cause I've never seen, and I will argue with you right now, nothing kills harder in a football stadium than a fucking dog when they, when they bomb 130 yards. And that dog catches that frisbee, whole stadium.

Speaker 3:
[85:20] Yeah.

Speaker 4:
[85:21] Brings America together.

Speaker 8:
[85:22] It does. Dogs and frisbees. You don't need to look anywhere else.

Speaker 4:
[85:25] But that, dude, I looked up and you see these little dots and then they just start, they're Indians and they, I'm coming to get the whole family, Bobby. They come into the stadium, you're like, this guy's going to die because he's right. And then they just drop.

Speaker 8:
[85:39] Do you ever watch the fails?

Speaker 4:
[85:39] And then they pull up. No.

Speaker 8:
[85:41] Do you ever watch parachute fails?

Speaker 3:
[85:43] No.

Speaker 8:
[85:43] A lot of them. There's a lot of guys that come in and they go, and then they're just like in the crowd coming down or they like hit shit. It's great.

Speaker 3:
[85:51] Like Uncle Jesse in the Full House Marriage episode.

Speaker 10:
[85:55] Yes.

Speaker 8:
[85:55] Weren't they in Hawaii and the Beach Boys were there?

Speaker 3:
[85:57] No. That's a different one. Oh, maybe it is. Maybe you're right. He lands in a tomato tree. Great show.

Speaker 8:
[86:02] Great show.

Speaker 6:
[86:03] Then he falls into the truck.

Speaker 3:
[86:04] Yeah.

Speaker 6:
[86:04] They got to get him.

Speaker 8:
[86:05] That's the Italian wedding.

Speaker 3:
[86:06] They arrest him for breaking tomatoes.

Speaker 8:
[86:08] I can't believe Aunt Becky.

Speaker 3:
[86:09] We lost Luis again. No.

Speaker 4:
[86:11] He's right here, dude.

Speaker 3:
[86:12] Who gives a shit about her, by the way? Lori Laughlin. Oh, she paid to get her kids to school. Who gives a fuck?

Speaker 8:
[86:17] She's hot.

Speaker 3:
[86:17] I'll eat her out.

Speaker 8:
[86:19] Out of the night.

Speaker 7:
[86:20] And she had paid to get her kids to go to a better school.

Speaker 3:
[86:21] Yeah, something like that. Who gives a shit?

Speaker 4:
[86:23] No, they paid extra money. Her kids didn't have the grades. And they just put her on like a team and gave her a scholarship for rowing, which was bullshit. And she was just a hot chick with money.

Speaker 7:
[86:34] And this is News Stories from three years ago with Joe List.

Speaker 8:
[86:37] It's a new segment.

Speaker 6:
[86:38] It's a new segment.

Speaker 8:
[86:40] This was already in.

Speaker 4:
[86:42] This is not evergreen news.

Speaker 3:
[86:45] Oh, I'm sorry. We were talking about Lori Laughlin. Should we leave out the biggest news story? We were.

Speaker 8:
[86:50] She's so hot.

Speaker 3:
[86:51] You wouldn't know and laugh if you fucking fell out of a boat.

Speaker 8:
[86:54] Okay. You know what? He had so much real estate. He had so much real estate.

Speaker 7:
[86:59] He just...

Speaker 8:
[87:00] And went nowhere with it.

Speaker 7:
[87:01] Just Parachute failed into that...

Speaker 8:
[87:03] Oh, God! Parachute!

Speaker 3:
[87:07] I did Parachute yourself in the face.

Speaker 7:
[87:10] I Parachute my shot.

Speaker 8:
[87:11] Yeah. Danny Braff has an update with the Lewis Poll.

Speaker 7:
[87:17] We have Danny Braff with an update.

Speaker 8:
[87:20] Danny, we got Danny live. Retard on the scene. Danny. We got a retard right on the scene. Danny, go ahead.

Speaker 4:
[87:26] Danny, what do you got? In the mic.

Speaker 3:
[87:29] Yeah, you fucking dumb.

Speaker 8:
[87:30] Well, folks, I'll tell you, for all those brain cells he misses, he has the strength to make up for it.

Speaker 4:
[87:35] He still gets scared of a microphone, Dan.

Speaker 8:
[87:37] Guy can bend steel.

Speaker 4:
[87:39] He wants to eat it every time it's in front of him.

Speaker 8:
[87:41] He's from Krypton. Danny?

Speaker 10:
[87:43] 289 votes for yes, for Luis to get high on Rogan. And 24 votes for no. Damn.

Speaker 8:
[87:49] Well, you gotta go silly Billy.

Speaker 4:
[87:50] You gotta go silly Billy, dude.

Speaker 8:
[87:51] It's what the people want.

Speaker 7:
[87:52] Who are these fucking people saying no? Vecchione.

Speaker 8:
[87:54] Yeah, he goes, no, eat more vegetables before you go on. Have a good meal of meat and vegetable.

Speaker 4:
[88:00] Yeah, Ryan Hamilton, I wouldn't.

Speaker 8:
[88:01] He goes, I would read a book. I would read a book about clarity if I were to do it.

Speaker 7:
[88:04] A very serious friend.

Speaker 8:
[88:06] Yeah. That is.

Speaker 3:
[88:07] I didn't get high.

Speaker 8:
[88:08] Yeah, do it.

Speaker 4:
[88:09] Oh, man, that would be a I mean, if I did drugs to do drugs on Rogan.

Speaker 8:
[88:13] Welcome back.

Speaker 3:
[88:14] I cannot imagine the meltdown I would have.

Speaker 7:
[88:16] You think so?

Speaker 4:
[88:16] Yeah, it's just your brain might open up.

Speaker 7:
[88:18] Well, what if I actually did drugs on Rogan, like I snorted coke off his head?

Speaker 3:
[88:22] How do you snort coke of a head?

Speaker 7:
[88:24] What?

Speaker 4:
[88:24] You put it on the head and you snort it.

Speaker 3:
[88:26] Fall off to the side.

Speaker 4:
[88:27] Some of it.

Speaker 8:
[88:27] Oh, it'll get a little sticky. I have a serving tray on the top of my head.

Speaker 7:
[88:31] Yeah. Bobby's is shiny, too, so it's almost like a mirror.

Speaker 8:
[88:36] Oh, my God. Yeah. Usually come up.

Speaker 7:
[88:37] Just take a razor blade, slice his forehead open.

Speaker 9:
[88:40] He's bleeding everywhere.

Speaker 3:
[88:42] Dusty Rhodes.

Speaker 5:
[88:43] Yeah.

Speaker 8:
[88:43] He's got the crow.

Speaker 5:
[88:44] He's got the crow. Things like that.

Speaker 4:
[88:46] Dusty Rhodes. You don't undo it?

Speaker 8:
[88:49] What? Dusty Rhodes? How do I do Dusty? He goes, just do coke off my head, baby.

Speaker 4:
[88:54] Coke off head.

Speaker 7:
[88:55] If you do coke off a cock, you can do coke off a head.

Speaker 4:
[88:57] How do you know that?

Speaker 3:
[88:58] A cock is long and straight. Mine is, anyways. You fucking short dick homo.

Speaker 8:
[89:05] You have no English on yours at all?

Speaker 3:
[89:07] What do you mean?

Speaker 8:
[89:07] Like a little?

Speaker 3:
[89:08] My cock? No, mine's flat and long and thick.

Speaker 8:
[89:10] Perfectly straight.

Speaker 7:
[89:11] You have a flat dick?

Speaker 3:
[89:12] Well, the top is flat.

Speaker 7:
[89:13] Like a tapeworm?

Speaker 3:
[89:15] No, it's like a fucking, one of those snap-on bracelets.

Speaker 8:
[89:19] That's great.

Speaker 7:
[89:20] Slap bracelet.

Speaker 4:
[89:21] Yeah, my dick is straight, too. You have a weird dick.

Speaker 7:
[89:23] I have a straight dick.

Speaker 8:
[89:24] I have a little bit of like that.

Speaker 4:
[89:27] Oh, that's because your mom didn't fucking go straight in the, when she was born.

Speaker 8:
[89:30] No, my dick goes like this, my dick goes. But not like that.

Speaker 7:
[89:33] It's just like, that means you're-

Speaker 4:
[89:35] You have to compensate when you?

Speaker 8:
[89:36] No, it fucking works great.

Speaker 5:
[89:37] Really?

Speaker 8:
[89:38] In fact, I get compliments on the little English.

Speaker 5:
[89:41] Little.

Speaker 8:
[89:42] I think I'm maybe scratching some itches, you boys are missing.

Speaker 4:
[89:47] You hit some nuggets on the side?

Speaker 8:
[89:48] I got, I hit some, you never hit your face.

Speaker 4:
[89:52] I got a great dick.

Speaker 3:
[89:53] All right.

Speaker 8:
[89:54] We isolate that. That is just my problem.

Speaker 3:
[89:56] Oh, do you guys know about this? The, um.

Speaker 4:
[89:59] My great dick.

Speaker 3:
[90:00] No, what's it called? Clone a Willy? Can you clone a Willy?

Speaker 4:
[90:03] No.

Speaker 7:
[90:03] Yeah, we did that years ago.

Speaker 3:
[90:05] What? Who did that?

Speaker 8:
[90:07] Yeah, CEO Lewis over here.

Speaker 3:
[90:08] We did that.

Speaker 5:
[90:09] We did that years ago on the show.

Speaker 8:
[90:11] We greenlit that.

Speaker 4:
[90:12] I'm looking on my files.

Speaker 7:
[90:13] We did that years ago. After I stuck Bobby Kelly's dildo, we cloned my Willy and at Skank Fest, remember we had.

Speaker 3:
[90:22] Obviously, we don't remember.

Speaker 4:
[90:23] Yeah, he made it purple so it didn't look like a real cock.

Speaker 7:
[90:26] But it was my it was actually a clone of my dick and we had.

Speaker 4:
[90:29] And that was the trophy. Yeah, somebody has a trophy.

Speaker 7:
[90:31] And I gave it a Shannon and I was like, here, hold it, feel it. What do you think of it? I stared at her.

Speaker 8:
[90:36] Oh, man, I forgot you did top level sexual harassment.

Speaker 7:
[90:38] I was pretty sick. We don't have any bitches in the studio.

Speaker 4:
[90:41] Yeah, we do. We have three of them.

Speaker 7:
[90:43] No, you can't sexually harass these guys.

Speaker 4:
[90:44] Yeah, we'll put a brow on Danny and Joe.

Speaker 3:
[90:47] Danny, Joe and Lewis.

Speaker 4:
[90:48] Danny's got better tits than my sister.

Speaker 8:
[90:52] No, I like it. But can I tell you right now, the silence and then you laughing after you said it, he goes, Danny's got bigger tits than my sister. That breath absolutely saved it for me. He's got bigger tits than my sister. If you go back and listen, you'll hear that.

Speaker 3:
[91:12] We've all had some tough ones today. You know what it is? Back to back weeks.

Speaker 8:
[91:16] And just the ground is not giving. We are landing hard on the ground. We are landing hard on the ground. It's just like splatting, a lot of splats. But we're here, we're queer. Get used to it.

Speaker 3:
[91:30] Luckily I have therapy right after this so I can go.

Speaker 4:
[91:32] You wanna see Alan?

Speaker 3:
[91:33] Yeah.

Speaker 4:
[91:34] Okay. He's mad at me.

Speaker 3:
[91:35] Why's he mad at you? Your politics?

Speaker 4:
[91:38] No. He's no.

Speaker 3:
[91:40] I can't imagine.

Speaker 4:
[91:41] No, I haven't made it in. I've been doing the Zoom.

Speaker 3:
[91:46] Oh, he hates Zoom.

Speaker 4:
[91:47] I know.

Speaker 8:
[91:48] I didn't even do Zoom with him. I did phone call.

Speaker 3:
[91:50] I did phone call also. I never Zoom with him.

Speaker 8:
[91:52] Zoom feels like, I don't need to know.

Speaker 7:
[91:55] No, I need to see somebody.

Speaker 8:
[91:57] I hate phone calls, too.

Speaker 7:
[91:58] I'm assuming that you're on your belly with your legs kicking up in the air on your back.

Speaker 5:
[92:00] I like that, though.

Speaker 8:
[92:01] That's attention. That's right.

Speaker 4:
[92:02] You're doing tummy time like Jay?

Speaker 5:
[92:04] Yeah.

Speaker 3:
[92:05] I don't like phone either.

Speaker 4:
[92:07] I like Zoom.

Speaker 3:
[92:07] I'm too distracted in the phone.

Speaker 4:
[92:08] I like seeing his face so I know he's not fucking falling asleep.

Speaker 3:
[92:11] Which happens sometimes.

Speaker 7:
[92:12] For one time I was playing, I was on a Zoom therapy session, but I was playing Fortnite.

Speaker 8:
[92:17] That's fucking hilarious.

Speaker 7:
[92:19] I was doing it with my hands.

Speaker 8:
[92:20] Why are you even doing a therapy session? The thought of you just going like, yeah, it's pretty crazy. I think she died of cancer when I was like... Hold on, sorry. Yeah, she died of cancer when I was like a kid. You're just playing a video game? Everyone can tell that I'm busy when I play video games.

Speaker 3:
[92:38] You playing Fortnite when the earthquake happened is one of the funniest things of all time. They'd be laughing for fucking three days straight. Sarah and I were on the floor laughing. We thought about you and we fucked. That was a totally separate story.

Speaker 7:
[92:50] I was just streaming Fortnite and then the earthquake happened.

Speaker 3:
[92:52] Have you not seen it?

Speaker 7:
[92:54] No.

Speaker 3:
[92:54] Can we find this? Can we find anything? It's so fucking funny.

Speaker 8:
[92:59] It's just you playing video games.

Speaker 7:
[93:01] Was it on my social media?

Speaker 3:
[93:02] Yeah, you posted it. I don't know. Probably. Somewhere. Social media is...

Speaker 4:
[93:06] I haven't played a video game in ten years.

Speaker 8:
[93:08] You used to play Call of Duty.

Speaker 4:
[93:09] I used to play fucking nine hours a day. I used to play every fucking day.

Speaker 8:
[93:14] I remember when I stayed at your house, I played your Xbox.

Speaker 4:
[93:18] I played all night. I would stay up all night until the sun came up. I haven't played in ten years. I don't know. I'm afraid to get back into it.

Speaker 3:
[93:24] That's what I was always afraid of. I can't get into video games. I have a hard enough time.

Speaker 4:
[93:28] Red Dead Redemption is my favorite.

Speaker 8:
[93:30] Wait till Red Dead Redemption 2. That shit will knock your socks off.

Speaker 4:
[93:33] I used to just walk around like I was a real cowboy and not even fight people. Try to find a bear.

Speaker 8:
[93:40] Red Dead Redemption 2, they reward you.

Speaker 7:
[93:41] Just kick a can and think about the day.

Speaker 4:
[93:43] Yeah.

Speaker 8:
[93:44] Because I'm going to throw in some tobacco.

Speaker 4:
[93:46] I would just be alone in the environment, up in the mountains.

Speaker 7:
[93:49] I love this country.

Speaker 5:
[93:52] I got to go fix a fence.

Speaker 8:
[93:53] Yeah. If you'll excuse me, there's a barn everywhere.

Speaker 7:
[93:57] Yeah, cowboy, that's his life most of the time. It's not murdering Indians.

Speaker 8:
[94:01] No.

Speaker 7:
[94:02] Yeah.

Speaker 8:
[94:02] It's just him going...

Speaker 4:
[94:03] I love right there. Remember Lazlo? Remember when I was in...

Speaker 5:
[94:06] I still talk to Lazlo.

Speaker 4:
[94:07] I do too, once in a while. But when he was down the street, remember he had us down on the roof?

Speaker 8:
[94:11] I used to go to Rockstar and hang out there when he was there a lot.

Speaker 4:
[94:14] I used to too.

Speaker 8:
[94:15] They used to have the, at Rockstar Games, they have the arcade machine versions of all their games.

Speaker 4:
[94:21] All their games. Were you in the game?

Speaker 8:
[94:24] No.

Speaker 4:
[94:24] I got in.

Speaker 8:
[94:25] That's sick.

Speaker 4:
[94:26] I was...

Speaker 8:
[94:26] You put a lot of comics in games.

Speaker 4:
[94:28] I was the mafia guy taking a shit and you could kill me.

Speaker 8:
[94:30] That's fun. Bill Burr was a character on GTA. They put a lot of...

Speaker 4:
[94:35] He used to go on Opie and Anthony.

Speaker 7:
[94:37] I was in some shitty video games. Beatrice, when I met her, was working for a video game publishing company.

Speaker 8:
[94:42] Sure.

Speaker 7:
[94:42] And it was... They did like computer games. Just at the end, nobody was doing computer games.

Speaker 8:
[94:48] The only learning was the only reason for a computer game.

Speaker 7:
[94:51] Yeah, but these were like action games. Sure. It was just like a dying, an absolute dying industry.

Speaker 4:
[95:00] You had to use a keyboard, you had to use semicolon, F5.

Speaker 7:
[95:02] That was that shit, dude. It was like these weird... They weren't even like cool computer games. They were like... I don't know if anybody played computer games.

Speaker 4:
[95:09] I did.

Speaker 7:
[95:09] It was like shitty computer games.

Speaker 4:
[95:11] Before the remote controller, you had to have the keyboard.

Speaker 8:
[95:13] Yeah, dude, I used to live with a guy that played Counter-Strike. That shit was wild.

Speaker 7:
[95:18] She would get me like $40 per like... It was however many pages or whatever, but I'd get like $200 bucks a pop and I'd just be there for like two or three hours just doing like, help, no.

Speaker 8:
[95:28] I'm a barbarian that needs to rape you. Move over, I'll do this shit for free. I get snacks too.

Speaker 7:
[95:36] I'm former president Abraham Lincoln.

Speaker 8:
[95:38] That's really funny. I'm a, I'm a paleogram. I can't even say it right. They got, Lewis, we can't use you for the math games anymore. Geometry can be fun and it's not just for I'm Mrs. Pac-Man.

Speaker 6:
[95:50] Num, num, num, num, num, num, num.

Speaker 8:
[95:52] It's me, Patrick Algebra.

Speaker 4:
[95:55] What is this? What is this?

Speaker 8:
[95:56] Bonnie McFarlane. Yeah, she was a ranger.

Speaker 10:
[95:58] But she's not, Bonnie McFarlane.

Speaker 3:
[96:01] That looks like David Bowie.

Speaker 10:
[96:03] Does not voice it.

Speaker 8:
[96:04] I know. She's just a character.

Speaker 4:
[96:07] I love Luis's Danny.

Speaker 8:
[96:11] That's how Luis becomes first target when Danny snaps. When Danny comes in, he remembers that.

Speaker 3:
[96:17] Why do we only pull up things that we had no interest in looking at?

Speaker 9:
[96:19] It's crazy what you guys pull up first.

Speaker 7:
[96:23] I thought he found the video of me with the... That's what I thought.

Speaker 3:
[96:25] We've been waiting.

Speaker 4:
[96:26] We've been vamping for 10 minutes.

Speaker 10:
[96:27] He's been looking for it for...

Speaker 8:
[96:29] Who's been looking for it? All right, dude, that AR-15 is going to go right at you.

Speaker 3:
[96:33] I'm not being critical of you guys because obviously I'm your favorite.

Speaker 4:
[96:36] Danny's on the cameras, Joe's actually editing video and photos and Paco's on the computer.

Speaker 7:
[96:41] That's great.

Speaker 8:
[96:41] That was like when backing bands used to get announced by musicians. You go, we got Danny on the cameras, we got Paco on cookies and clips.

Speaker 7:
[96:49] Bobby's doing that he's taking a shot at GaS Digital on our team because Paco's a GaS Digital guy.

Speaker 4:
[96:53] I don't know. They're all GaS. They get paid by GaS Digital.

Speaker 7:
[96:55] No, they don't get paid by GaS.

Speaker 4:
[96:56] You're fucking a mental patient.

Speaker 7:
[96:57] They don't.

Speaker 4:
[96:58] It's not a shot at your legacy.

Speaker 5:
[97:01] They're not paid by GaS Digital.

Speaker 7:
[97:02] They're paid.

Speaker 3:
[97:03] A shot at your armacy.

Speaker 4:
[97:04] There's one guy being media. Yeah, you can when I'm done.

Speaker 7:
[97:07] Okay, they're not paid by GaS Digital. They're paid by us.

Speaker 4:
[97:12] Which is GaS Digital.

Speaker 7:
[97:13] No.

Speaker 4:
[97:14] What are we on?

Speaker 7:
[97:15] GaS Digital pays us, we pay them.

Speaker 4:
[97:16] Wait a minute. What are we on?

Speaker 7:
[97:19] You're more GaS Digital. Yeah. Do you not get it or are you fucking, you actually don't get it?

Speaker 4:
[97:24] Ooh, silly Billy's gone.

Speaker 8:
[97:26] Oh, that burned off. He looks like that sugar coating burned right off.

Speaker 4:
[97:30] Get him a cookie.

Speaker 8:
[97:31] Oh no, that's all medicine now.

Speaker 4:
[97:34] Shut the fuck up. Paco, the only thing-

Speaker 8:
[97:36] Don't you understand? For it to be-

Speaker 2:
[97:38] That was a shot at body, brain, my book and everything I've ever done.

Speaker 8:
[97:44] You're trying to show money.

Speaker 2:
[97:45] Shut the up.

Speaker 7:
[97:45] You're trying to kill baby jubilers.

Speaker 2:
[97:47] This is baby James Legos.

Speaker 8:
[97:49] That's so funny.

Speaker 4:
[97:51] It's just Paco's on the fucking computer.

Speaker 3:
[97:53] Mine is not a criticism. Mine is an appreciation post for Jamie at the Joe Rogan show. This guy has stuff pulled up four seconds in.

Speaker 7:
[98:02] What an Austin cuck.

Speaker 3:
[98:03] It's unbelievable. These guys, this is a video.

Speaker 4:
[98:07] Can I say something else?

Speaker 3:
[98:08] Six months ago.

Speaker 8:
[98:09] That's the real first evidence that Joe's moving to Austin.

Speaker 4:
[98:11] Can I say something though? Jamie's pulling up topical shit. We're trying to find a Puerto Rican in a fucking earthquake.

Speaker 8:
[98:20] By the way, that does sound like a saying.

Speaker 3:
[98:22] We're trying to find a street joke.

Speaker 6:
[98:24] We're trying to find a Puerto Rican in a hurricane.

Speaker 3:
[98:27] What do you call a Puerto Rican in an earthquake?

Speaker 4:
[98:29] Jamie has to bring up UFOs and pyramids. Have you found it?

Speaker 3:
[98:34] What about the website?

Speaker 7:
[98:35] It's hard to find something instead of a needle in a haystack. That's like trying to find a Puerto Rican in a hurricane.

Speaker 3:
[98:40] There it is.

Speaker 8:
[98:41] What is it? Click Joe.

Speaker 7:
[98:42] What the fuck is that, dude?

Speaker 3:
[98:43] Oh, click Joe.

Speaker 9:
[98:47] That's great.

Speaker 4:
[98:47] We don't have any audio sound.

Speaker 7:
[98:49] That's right, dude.

Speaker 3:
[98:50] You.

Speaker 9:
[98:51] That's funny.

Speaker 3:
[98:52] Oh, that was fast as well.

Speaker 6:
[98:54] Fast as lightning. It was pretty funny.

Speaker 7:
[98:59] Is it joerist.com?

Speaker 6:
[99:01] Hold on.

Speaker 7:
[99:01] Is it joerist.com?

Speaker 1:
[99:03] JoeRist.Vercel.App.

Speaker 4:
[99:06] Oh, that's how I define it.

Speaker 6:
[99:07] It's an app?

Speaker 4:
[99:09] We're working on it. I want that as my ringtone.

Speaker 8:
[99:13] Oh, every time you get a text, it's Joe doing it.

Speaker 4:
[99:16] Click it. Every time somebody calls, it's a different... Click it.

Speaker 8:
[99:22] I would have that as my text message noise. If every time Joe texts me, if my phone is on the ring.

Speaker 7:
[99:27] If you download that as an app for your phone where you can just do that, that's fucking...

Speaker 8:
[99:30] Seriously, different for every time I get a text.

Speaker 7:
[99:33] Guys, go download the app. What is it? It's JoeRist.Vercel.

Speaker 8:
[99:37] Vercel. V-E-R-C-E-L.

Speaker 5:
[99:39] Vercel.

Speaker 3:
[99:39] It's a French designer.

Speaker 5:
[99:41] Mr. Jacques Vercel app.

Speaker 8:
[99:43] There is this idea that I have about making an app where Joe List is very racist.

Speaker 7:
[99:47] He looks like a bird. He looks like an egg.

Speaker 8:
[99:49] I don't understand him, but he pees. This man, he does this Asian voice that I can only call offensive, like breathe.

Speaker 4:
[99:57] I want to see Luis in a fucking earthquake.

Speaker 3:
[100:00] If I Google Luis J. Gomez earthquake reaction.

Speaker 7:
[100:03] I bet you it doesn't come up.

Speaker 8:
[100:05] I'm going to try.

Speaker 7:
[100:07] I think it was on Instagram and I think you're going to have to go through my Instagram.

Speaker 8:
[100:10] A lot of thought pictures of you being in the.

Speaker 3:
[100:12] Here's what you do. Google when the earthquake in New York was. Then scan down to that date on Luis' Instagram.

Speaker 8:
[100:22] There's no way we pay the producers that much.

Speaker 7:
[100:27] I just watched Danny's eyes turn black with blood.

Speaker 4:
[100:29] I got it right here. It's on TikTok.

Speaker 7:
[100:32] No, let me see.

Speaker 4:
[100:33] It's right here.

Speaker 7:
[100:34] No, it's not.

Speaker 4:
[100:35] Not you?

Speaker 7:
[100:36] Come on.

Speaker 4:
[100:36] That's not you.

Speaker 2:
[100:37] Very funny.

Speaker 7:
[100:38] Good bit.

Speaker 8:
[100:39] Very funny.

Speaker 7:
[100:40] It was a Mexican person.

Speaker 8:
[100:42] It was Mexican children.

Speaker 3:
[100:43] A celebrity comedian just texted me.

Speaker 7:
[100:45] Who was that?

Speaker 8:
[100:47] Nope.

Speaker 3:
[100:48] Everyone gets one guess. Bobby is wrong.

Speaker 7:
[100:51] Celebrity comedian that likes Joe List.

Speaker 3:
[100:54] I didn't say they like me. I said they texted me. They might have texted, hey, fuck you, you fucking dickless homo.

Speaker 8:
[100:59] Mark Mirren.

Speaker 3:
[101:01] No, but he texted me two days ago.

Speaker 4:
[101:02] Joe, do you want to do a...

Speaker 3:
[101:03] It's all the way down to you.

Speaker 4:
[101:04] Comics come home this year?

Speaker 3:
[101:05] Yes.

Speaker 7:
[101:07] I'd love to, Bobby.

Speaker 4:
[101:07] Do you want to do it?

Speaker 3:
[101:08] Yeah, but I'm from there.

Speaker 7:
[101:10] So am I.

Speaker 8:
[101:10] No, you're not.

Speaker 4:
[101:11] No, you're not. You're from fucking...

Speaker 7:
[101:12] Mentally.

Speaker 8:
[101:13] No. No, you're not. You're not even like...

Speaker 7:
[101:15] Mentally.

Speaker 8:
[101:15] That doesn't count.

Speaker 7:
[101:16] Beantown, baby.

Speaker 4:
[101:17] Let me hear your Boston accent.

Speaker 3:
[101:19] That was California, you dipshit.

Speaker 7:
[101:21] No, Beantown.

Speaker 3:
[101:21] We don't like people like you.

Speaker 7:
[101:23] Beantown, baby.

Speaker 4:
[101:24] We love Puerto Ricans.

Speaker 7:
[101:25] See?

Speaker 3:
[101:26] No, we like Dominican.

Speaker 8:
[101:27] You guys like Brazilians.

Speaker 7:
[101:28] Puerto Ricans love beans.

Speaker 8:
[101:29] You guys love Brazilians.

Speaker 4:
[101:30] That's in recent years. We grew up in Puerto Ricans.

Speaker 3:
[101:33] Dominicans, Pedro, David Ortiz, Dominicans are heroes. Dominicans are our heroes. Who's your guest, Doug?

Speaker 8:
[101:41] Name all the sports teams.

Speaker 7:
[101:43] The Bruins.

Speaker 8:
[101:44] Great.

Speaker 6:
[101:44] Go ahead.

Speaker 8:
[101:45] Who else?

Speaker 7:
[101:45] The Red Sox.

Speaker 6:
[101:46] Great.

Speaker 8:
[101:47] Who else?

Speaker 7:
[101:48] Give me another sport.

Speaker 4:
[101:49] Hard Hood, Heady, Heady.

Speaker 8:
[101:51] No, there's...

Speaker 3:
[101:51] Football.

Speaker 4:
[101:52] Basketball.

Speaker 7:
[101:53] The Boston Browns.

Speaker 4:
[101:54] Nope.

Speaker 3:
[101:55] Yeah, right. A lot of the city.

Speaker 8:
[101:57] And all the colors.

Speaker 3:
[101:59] No chance.

Speaker 4:
[102:00] Technically, the team is... Those are...

Speaker 3:
[102:02] Yeah.

Speaker 4:
[102:03] Every football team is the Boston Browns.

Speaker 3:
[102:04] It would be the Boston Pale Whites with red eyelashes.

Speaker 4:
[102:08] What? You don't know the football? You know the football team. The greatest football team ever.

Speaker 7:
[102:13] Bruins.

Speaker 4:
[102:14] The greatest quarterback ever.

Speaker 7:
[102:16] Yeah. No, I know.

Speaker 3:
[102:16] The West Manchester the last 25 years.

Speaker 7:
[102:19] Because it's not the Boston Patriots.

Speaker 3:
[102:20] It used to be the Boston Patriots.

Speaker 7:
[102:22] It was the Boston Patriots. Bonus points. It's not the Boston Patriots. It's the New England.

Speaker 8:
[102:27] Now name all the states that are in New England.

Speaker 4:
[102:29] Name the basketball team.

Speaker 7:
[102:30] All the states that are in Boston.

Speaker 8:
[102:31] They're in New England.

Speaker 4:
[102:32] Name the basketball team. You got it. Larry Byrd.

Speaker 8:
[102:34] You got it.

Speaker 7:
[102:35] The Boston Celtics.

Speaker 4:
[102:36] Yeah.

Speaker 5:
[102:37] I got all of them, you fucking.

Speaker 3:
[102:39] Something you're not able to do. Celtics.

Speaker 8:
[102:43] I'm going to shake your hand.

Speaker 3:
[102:44] That joke is actually from my act.

Speaker 7:
[102:46] That's a good joke.

Speaker 3:
[102:47] When I started, that was my first joke. I was at a Celtics game. I got an empty seat. It's for the team called the Celtics.

Speaker 5:
[102:52] Oh.

Speaker 3:
[102:53] That was in my act, bro.

Speaker 10:
[102:55] This guy is a fucking genius.

Speaker 3:
[102:58] That was Tony Hinchcliffe.

Speaker 4:
[103:00] Guess who called him?

Speaker 5:
[103:02] I tried.

Speaker 7:
[103:02] He already guessed.

Speaker 8:
[103:03] I said Mark Maron. It wasn't.

Speaker 7:
[103:04] One more famous.

Speaker 8:
[103:05] You said Louie, right?

Speaker 4:
[103:06] I said Louie.

Speaker 3:
[103:06] Not Louie. Not Mark Maron.

Speaker 7:
[103:08] Famous comedian. Famous.

Speaker 4:
[103:10] Think nerd.

Speaker 7:
[103:12] Shane Gillis.

Speaker 3:
[103:14] Louis got it.

Speaker 7:
[103:15] Wow. What did Shane say?

Speaker 4:
[103:17] The complete opposite of a nerd.

Speaker 3:
[103:19] He said, you're the best comic on The Regz. I was like, oh my God, thank you. He said, I'm serious.

Speaker 9:
[103:23] I'm very serious.

Speaker 8:
[103:26] Burped over your lies. Burped over your deceit.

Speaker 7:
[103:30] Why are we so hurtful to each other, man?

Speaker 3:
[103:32] Yeah. What is this?

Speaker 6:
[103:33] Because we're actual friends.

Speaker 3:
[103:34] What is this?

Speaker 4:
[103:35] 20, 18 years we've been meeting each other.

Speaker 3:
[103:38] That's not what friends do. That's what family does. Because my friend's birthday party, nobody made fun of me one time.

Speaker 4:
[103:43] So we're family.

Speaker 3:
[103:44] Here at my family party, everyone's just, oh, you fucking teeth, you fucking face, you fucking herpes.

Speaker 8:
[103:49] You know, you're right, Joe.

Speaker 3:
[103:51] Then I went down to my real friends.

Speaker 9:
[103:53] Got a lot of problems.

Speaker 3:
[103:54] Everyone says, we love you. You're great. We like you.

Speaker 8:
[103:59] These are all people you pay.

Speaker 4:
[104:00] Yeah, you don't do that.

Speaker 7:
[104:00] No, no, you're grating.

Speaker 8:
[104:03] I'm there.

Speaker 7:
[104:05] Your personality is grating.

Speaker 8:
[104:07] I'm there.

Speaker 4:
[104:08] Yeah, like cheese.

Speaker 7:
[104:10] Yeah.

Speaker 8:
[104:11] Damn, he calls you cheesy.

Speaker 7:
[104:12] Damn, dude.

Speaker 3:
[104:13] Your dick's like cheese.

Speaker 1:
[104:14] Oh, shit.

Speaker 3:
[104:15] It's good on a sandwich. Take that, buddy.

Speaker 1:
[104:21] I've got a question.

Speaker 3:
[104:23] Okay.

Speaker 1:
[104:24] If you guys repeat a story that's been told on The Regz, what would you like us to do?

Speaker 7:
[104:31] Why, who do we? What story? Bobby told a story earlier that he told before. I didn't want to call him out.

Speaker 4:
[104:35] What was it? Was that it?

Speaker 1:
[104:37] It was the massage stuff.

Speaker 4:
[104:39] We talked about massages before?

Speaker 3:
[104:42] Yeah, well we've been podcasting for 35 years.

Speaker 1:
[104:44] That's why if you want me to let it go, that's fine.

Speaker 4:
[104:46] Apparently you didn't let it go.

Speaker 3:
[104:47] What are you Vince Lombardi?

Speaker 8:
[104:49] Well now I don't want you to let it go so we can have this in the episode.

Speaker 7:
[104:52] What are you, Vince Lombardi, you fucking asshole?

Speaker 1:
[104:55] What?

Speaker 8:
[104:55] Who is Vince Lombardi?

Speaker 3:
[104:56] Where is the earthquake video? Jesus.

Speaker 4:
[104:59] I mean he's bringing up stats.

Speaker 9:
[105:01] That is crazy.

Speaker 8:
[105:02] He goes, guys, Dan did that voice in episode 12. Should we repeat it?

Speaker 7:
[105:07] That's a good nickname for Paco, stats.

Speaker 4:
[105:09] Can I say this?

Speaker 8:
[105:10] Paco's stats.

Speaker 7:
[105:12] He's got a pencil in his ear.

Speaker 3:
[105:13] He's got a stats infection.

Speaker 4:
[105:15] Paco, why don't you tell us in the middle of it instead of fucking an hour and a half later?

Speaker 8:
[105:19] Yeah. You let Bobby add new tags and act outs and you didn't say anything.

Speaker 7:
[105:23] We had to laugh like we'd heard it the first time.

Speaker 8:
[105:25] Yeah. Come on, dude.

Speaker 3:
[105:26] I'm sorry.

Speaker 8:
[105:27] Be consistent. If you're going to be anything, be consistent.

Speaker 7:
[105:31] I let it go though, just so you know.

Speaker 3:
[105:32] What's that? Let it go. Oh, hey, oops, sorry, Dan. I just ripped Dan's headset off.

Speaker 8:
[105:37] This guy's...

Speaker 3:
[105:38] Let go or get dragged. What happened to us?

Speaker 2:
[105:41] What happened to us? What are you talking about?

Speaker 4:
[105:44] It's what we do.

Speaker 3:
[105:45] Hey, let go or get dragged. Great saying. Think and remember, you know.

Speaker 4:
[105:49] Dude, even the worst podcast that we do is better than other podcasts.

Speaker 3:
[105:52] Some other podcasts.

Speaker 4:
[105:53] You fucking know that? Yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 3:
[105:55] This is one of our better ones.

Speaker 4:
[105:57] We're having fun. We fucking just turn on the mics and fuck with each other.

Speaker 3:
[106:01] No rules.

Speaker 4:
[106:02] No topics.

Speaker 3:
[106:03] We're in the intro. No Luis Dan or Joe in the intro.

Speaker 4:
[106:05] That was weird.

Speaker 8:
[106:06] You definitely put her in the intro.

Speaker 3:
[106:08] None of us three were in the intro.

Speaker 7:
[106:09] Opie was in the intro.

Speaker 8:
[106:10] But it was definitely like her. By the way, but then he didn't update it. Because he could have put Shane. He could have put other people in the intro.

Speaker 4:
[106:16] First of all, I updated it.

Speaker 8:
[106:18] But it's still...

Speaker 4:
[106:18] I did update it.

Speaker 3:
[106:19] And it was ads.

Speaker 7:
[106:21] All I know is I'll never forget going to Bobby's house for like Max's second birthday party. And it was also Amy Schumer's birthday. So he like got her a cake too. And we weren't allowed to sit at her table. So we were like, let me finish what I'm saying.

Speaker 4:
[106:34] I don't want to let you finish because you're lying. You're lying.

Speaker 7:
[106:37] We had to sing Happy Birthday from the little kids table to Amy Schumer.

Speaker 4:
[106:41] Can I just say something? This is a lie. I, you're acting like I told you where to sit. I had a party. I put chairs everywhere. You guys with your own self-esteem went and sat over there at the little kids table. You could have sat right next to Colin Quinn and Jim Norton and Amy Schumer. You sat with who you wanted to sit with.

Speaker 7:
[107:01] My friends, Dan, Joe, Kelly, and my girlfriend at the summer ball that lived around the corner. That girl that was weird.

Speaker 4:
[107:09] You could have sat wherever you wanted to sit. I didn't tell you where to sit. I put chairs out and your self-esteem sat you over there.

Speaker 3:
[107:18] Yeah, I'm with Robert on this one.

Speaker 8:
[107:19] I ate Ben and Jerry's too fast, got diarrhea and couldn't tell anybody.

Speaker 4:
[107:24] When Star Wars came, he sat right next to fucking Keith and everybody.

Speaker 3:
[107:27] There he is now, bang, right to the top.

Speaker 4:
[107:30] That's on you, that's not on me.

Speaker 8:
[107:31] And he stole Keith's soul.

Speaker 5:
[107:32] What am I supposed to do?

Speaker 4:
[107:33] If I was a real dick, I would have had two different parties. I would have had a fucking Colin Quinn, Jim Norton headline party. I was friends with two different groups.

Speaker 3:
[107:43] That's what I do. Yeah, that's what I do.

Speaker 4:
[107:45] And I have a party where everybody, all my friends come.

Speaker 8:
[107:49] They were swimming in your neighbor's pool?

Speaker 4:
[107:51] Yeah.

Speaker 7:
[107:52] Oh yeah, remember that?

Speaker 4:
[107:53] Yeah.

Speaker 3:
[107:54] What about when you had the tree stumps that you didn't treat and there were spiders crawling all over us? We were all going to get attacked by spiders.

Speaker 4:
[108:00] Yeah, I wouldn't put Colin there, of course.

Speaker 3:
[108:01] Bobby just put wet logs out and we all had spiders biting us.

Speaker 8:
[108:04] We sat down and we were like, does anyone else have about 60 to 70 spiders crawling on this thing?

Speaker 4:
[108:09] They cut down the tree. I was like, oh, those make good chairs around the fire pit.

Speaker 3:
[108:12] We just had termites and ticks.

Speaker 4:
[108:13] But I forgot you're supposed to treat them.

Speaker 8:
[108:15] Yeah.

Speaker 4:
[108:15] And then we were there for like three years.

Speaker 8:
[108:16] And once one person noticed it, we all looked down and we were like, oh my God, they're all, someone was like, I think the tree stump's moving. And we looked down and they were just like, I see spiders.

Speaker 4:
[108:26] You can't get rid of those.

Speaker 7:
[108:27] You guys are sensing trouble nearby.

Speaker 8:
[108:29] I go, hold on guys, it's fucking gone.

Speaker 3:
[108:33] Then I had lice and herpes after that. Whoa.

Speaker 4:
[108:35] Yeah, no, that was not my fault. That was on you. You guys.

Speaker 3:
[108:39] On YouTube, the whole thing's on YouTube.

Speaker 7:
[108:40] YouTube, I don't like YouTube.

Speaker 4:
[108:42] I had a fucking, those were great parties.

Speaker 8:
[108:45] Yeah.

Speaker 4:
[108:46] Who does that now?

Speaker 8:
[108:47] Nobody.

Speaker 7:
[108:49] I do.

Speaker 4:
[108:49] You still. I do.

Speaker 7:
[108:50] You guys don't come, but I do.

Speaker 4:
[108:52] Well, cause you invited.

Speaker 7:
[108:53] You know what I had in my pool this morning?

Speaker 4:
[108:55] What?

Speaker 7:
[108:56] Guess.

Speaker 8:
[108:56] A dead body.

Speaker 3:
[108:57] Come.

Speaker 8:
[108:59] A squirrel.

Speaker 3:
[109:00] An underage girl. An underage boy. Sorry.

Speaker 8:
[109:04] What'd you have?

Speaker 3:
[109:05] Raccoon.

Speaker 5:
[109:07] Ducks.

Speaker 8:
[109:08] Ducks? Like Tony Soprano?

Speaker 7:
[109:10] Tony Soprano.

Speaker 8:
[109:11] Oh, did you go out in a row?

Speaker 5:
[109:12] Yeah.

Speaker 7:
[109:12] Apple was losing her shit.

Speaker 8:
[109:14] Oh, ducks, dude. They touched down and hung out.

Speaker 7:
[109:18] Oh, yeah. They told them to pull for a while.

Speaker 4:
[109:21] That's great. We'll look at ducks in a pool now.

Speaker 3:
[109:23] What was their favorite movie? Quack to the Future?

Speaker 8:
[109:25] Still got it. You still got your good stuff. You're still throwing it.

Speaker 3:
[109:28] That's for you, Luis. Get off your phone.

Speaker 8:
[109:30] No, I'm still.

Speaker 3:
[109:30] Hey, here it is!

Speaker 6:
[109:31] All right!

Speaker 3:
[109:37] 105 weeks ago.

Speaker 4:
[109:39] All right. Reacting to a 4.8 mega earthquake in New Jersey, like live on live stream.

Speaker 3:
[109:47] I wonder if the audio will be.

Speaker 4:
[109:48] So you're playing.

Speaker 8:
[109:49] This is two years ago.

Speaker 4:
[109:50] You're playing fucking video games.

Speaker 7:
[109:51] I'm playing video games.

Speaker 8:
[109:52] This is two years ago. This is 2024.

Speaker 7:
[109:56] No audio. You guys are going to give us audio.

Speaker 8:
[110:03] I thought you lost it.

Speaker 7:
[110:06] Question. Pause it for a second. How did you guys find it?

Speaker 1:
[110:08] Danny found it scrolling through everything.

Speaker 8:
[110:10] Danny touched the computer and went, I found it. I found it. I brought it up. His eyes go to like matrix writing.

Speaker 3:
[110:20] It was the day before my birth.

Speaker 8:
[110:21] I brought it up. I brought it up and it's fine.

Speaker 4:
[110:23] Like a cog?

Speaker 8:
[110:24] Yeah.

Speaker 4:
[110:26] He went and lied in the tub.

Speaker 8:
[110:27] His finger turns into a thing that he can put into the computer.

Speaker 7:
[110:33] How do you guys not have the volume?

Speaker 1:
[110:35] There's no, I mean, I'm playing it, everything else works, but your thing doesn't have audio.

Speaker 5:
[110:40] Oh, there it is.

Speaker 8:
[110:43] Yeah, it's got volume.

Speaker 7:
[110:46] Is there an earthquake happening right now?

Speaker 1:
[110:49] Oh, she's very quiet.

Speaker 8:
[110:51] That's it.

Speaker 3:
[110:51] I'll play it again. But the first face is where it's at.

Speaker 7:
[110:55] Yo, my whole house shook just now.

Speaker 8:
[110:58] My entire house. He's back to it. Yeah.

Speaker 4:
[111:03] He's just back to the game.

Speaker 8:
[111:06] You can hear the headphone going back on to the funniest part. That's just you giving up completely. When the headphone goes back on, you go, it's fine. I don't care if there's another hurt.

Speaker 4:
[111:21] Is it the aftershock?

Speaker 3:
[111:22] That is so fucking funny.

Speaker 7:
[111:24] There's like my whole house is shaking.

Speaker 4:
[111:29] This is real ass dude. He's not being a real ass dude.

Speaker 7:
[111:31] He's just happening right now.

Speaker 8:
[111:32] I'm so scared.

Speaker 4:
[111:34] I'm so scared.

Speaker 8:
[111:35] Guys, someone hold me. I'm so scared.

Speaker 3:
[111:36] The original, the initial first, second.

Speaker 4:
[111:39] He's talking to 13 year olds.

Speaker 8:
[111:41] They go, get on the game, pussy. I don't care if your house is shaking. My mom's coming home in 30 minutes.

Speaker 3:
[111:51] I think that was worth it.

Speaker 8:
[111:52] I do too.

Speaker 3:
[111:59] That's your girlfriend?

Speaker 8:
[112:02] Look at the ducks.

Speaker 7:
[112:03] There's one duck.

Speaker 3:
[112:04] I was picturing yellow ducks.

Speaker 7:
[112:05] No, these are, look.

Speaker 4:
[112:06] They're the same age.

Speaker 7:
[112:06] These little guys. These guys.

Speaker 3:
[112:09] Oh, that's sweet. They probably took a bunch of toxic shits in there.

Speaker 4:
[112:12] Bunch of shit, duck piss.

Speaker 7:
[112:14] Yeah, I don't think it's good, actually, for ducks to be in the pool. That's what I posted. I was like, look at the ducks. I'm like, Tony's proud. Blah, blah, blah. And then every asshole in their mother's a duck expert.

Speaker 8:
[112:22] He got all these duck doctors in my comments.

Speaker 7:
[112:25] Hey, it.

Speaker 8:
[112:26] They're like, oh, yeah, I do.

Speaker 7:
[112:27] You got to be careful. going to get duck disease or whatever.

Speaker 8:
[112:29] What's duck disease?

Speaker 7:
[112:30] I don't know.

Speaker 3:
[112:31] Fucking assholes called Duck Dynasties disease.

Speaker 5:
[112:35] Wow.

Speaker 3:
[112:35] Duck Dynasties disease.

Speaker 5:
[112:37] This is going to fuck up.

Speaker 8:
[112:38] Are they going to just piss and shit?

Speaker 4:
[112:39] Yeah, they piss and shit with this little fucking wild animal. Should you think it's the pissing?

Speaker 7:
[112:43] They're cute.

Speaker 4:
[112:44] Yeah.

Speaker 8:
[112:44] Yeah.

Speaker 4:
[112:44] But you got a saltwater pool, right?

Speaker 7:
[112:46] Yeah.

Speaker 4:
[112:46] Yeah, you're fine.

Speaker 3:
[112:48] Bad because they cause health or bacteria equal. Oh, you're going to get E coli, salmonella.

Speaker 4:
[112:53] Oh, you got to clean that.

Speaker 7:
[112:54] I'm not going to eat.

Speaker 3:
[112:55] Constant defecation.

Speaker 4:
[112:56] Yeah, you got to.

Speaker 8:
[112:57] Doctors just constantly shoot.

Speaker 7:
[112:59] It's a great hardcore band.

Speaker 8:
[113:00] Yes, it is.

Speaker 3:
[113:01] Hello, hello, we are constant defecation.

Speaker 8:
[113:05] I know they're loud, but they pack the place out.

Speaker 7:
[113:08] We're a death metal band named Cryptosporidium.

Speaker 8:
[113:11] Yeah.

Speaker 3:
[113:12] And you have to say it that slow.

Speaker 4:
[113:13] Yeah.

Speaker 7:
[113:17] Cryptosporidium is a great death metal band name.

Speaker 8:
[113:20] Are you just in a loop?

Speaker 3:
[113:21] Constant defecation.

Speaker 4:
[113:23] They're just looking at stuff and he looks at it and he goes, What else you got, Luis?

Speaker 8:
[113:26] He goes, The Regz is a great band.

Speaker 7:
[113:28] Furthermore, Furthermore is a great name for a band that's like has a female lead singer and a male lead singer, but they do like late 90s hard rock rap metal.

Speaker 8:
[113:37] I think we're at the end of the road on this one.

Speaker 3:
[113:39] Ducks in the Pool is a good band name.

Speaker 4:
[113:40] Yeah, Ducks Out.

Speaker 3:
[113:41] Hey, what's Ducks in the Pool?

Speaker 8:
[113:43] Show More is a good pool name.

Speaker 7:
[113:44] Dander and Dirt.

Speaker 4:
[113:45] What about Key Reason?

Speaker 8:
[113:47] Help, What Do I Do? Ducks in My Pool.

Speaker 3:
[113:49] Responding to Birds. That's a good one.

Speaker 8:
[113:51] That's a great one. That's a Brooklyn band.

Speaker 4:
[113:52] Health Hazard.

Speaker 8:
[113:54] Vet Clog. Great.

Speaker 4:
[113:55] Duck Droppings.

Speaker 8:
[113:57] That sounds like an opening band.

Speaker 4:
[113:58] You can just read every word on the thing.

Speaker 3:
[113:59] Dander and Dirt is nice. Dander and Dirt is the album.

Speaker 8:
[114:02] What about Duck in Your Pool? Here's how to keep them out.

Speaker 7:
[114:04] Dander and Dirt is the first album.

Speaker 3:
[114:05] That's the album from Responding to Birds. Responding to Birds. Musical Guest, Responding to Birds.

Speaker 8:
[114:14] Once again, Responding to Birds.

Speaker 7:
[114:17] Crypto Sporty was playing the Kikoff party at Skankfest.

Speaker 8:
[114:19] Yes.

Speaker 3:
[114:20] Time Full of the Ducks is also a good band name.

Speaker 8:
[114:22] Good luck on Joe Rogan.

Speaker 4:
[114:24] Yeah, good luck.

Speaker 3:
[114:25] Yeah, good luck.

Speaker 4:
[114:25] Yeah, you gonna go high?

Speaker 8:
[114:26] Good duck.

Speaker 4:
[114:27] You gonna go?

Speaker 3:
[114:27] Will you plug the regs? Mention the regs. We need it.

Speaker 7:
[114:29] Oh, that's all I'll mention.

Speaker 3:
[114:32] If you don't mention the regs, you're out of my best.

Speaker 7:
[114:34] I swear to God, I'll shoehorn in all three of your names to the podcast at one point.

Speaker 3:
[114:40] Okay.

Speaker 4:
[114:40] Now, let me ask you a question. You're gonna go high, right?

Speaker 7:
[114:42] I'm gonna go low.

Speaker 5:
[114:45] We hate you, Rogan.

Speaker 8:
[114:47] Well, we had a while.

Speaker 3:
[114:49] And it's been a while since I've been a while.

Speaker 4:
[114:53] All right.

Speaker 3:
[114:54] Plug the regs.

Speaker 7:
[114:55] Well, you know what? I didn't plug by Skankfest. I guess on the 20th, 420. This comes out after they're on sale, right? All access is probably.

Speaker 4:
[115:03] What were you just looking at?

Speaker 5:
[115:05] Oh, he's back over there.

Speaker 1:
[115:08] I said, oh, you know, come out on 420 for GaS and Paco.

Speaker 3:
[115:15] When do you come out? Kill your homo.

Speaker 4:
[115:16] His father already did.

Speaker 3:
[115:18] Damn.

Speaker 7:
[115:19] Probably probably going to walk off home run Bobby Kelly. What are you doing?

Speaker 3:
[115:26] I didn't know that did that.

Speaker 4:
[115:27] Paco can you can see Paco when he talks to you.

Speaker 7:
[115:29] It looks like he's in prison.

Speaker 8:
[115:31] Yeah. Paco, are you ready to come out of the hole?

Speaker 3:
[115:33] He's doing confession.

Speaker 7:
[115:35] Paco needs us to contact the American Consulate.

Speaker 2:
[115:38] Wow, we got to wrap this up.

Speaker 7:
[115:39] No, we can keep going dude.

Speaker 8:
[115:40] We're hemorrhaging.

Speaker 4:
[115:41] We're just fucking floating to the shore.

Speaker 7:
[115:43] We're doing good dude.

Speaker 3:
[115:44] I don't have therapy for a while.

Speaker 8:
[115:44] Just slowly bumping into it.

Speaker 7:
[115:45] This is a fun show. Why do we even put time limits on the show? Why don't we have fun? By the way, when Joe-

Speaker 3:
[115:49] You always say that. We have fucking lives.

Speaker 4:
[115:52] We have to go.

Speaker 3:
[115:53] We have one life.

Speaker 7:
[115:54] We have one life to live.

Speaker 8:
[115:55] I was like, I was a clock counter for one week and all of a sudden all of a sudden-

Speaker 7:
[116:00] No, no, you're the man lately, dude. You don't give a fuck, dude. Dan Soder is a fucking man of the people.

Speaker 3:
[116:05] He has no obligations in life.

Speaker 7:
[116:06] He has a dog named fucking Myrtle.

Speaker 8:
[116:08] That's a great name.

Speaker 7:
[116:09] That's a great-

Speaker 3:
[116:10] Well, I have a beach named Myrtle. Life's a beach.

Speaker 8:
[116:13] And my dog's a beach.

Speaker 4:
[116:15] I'm married to a beach.

Speaker 7:
[116:17] And she's married to a beached whale.

Speaker 3:
[116:20] He's fucking ripped, doggy. He is ripped. He's jacked and ripped.

Speaker 7:
[116:25] He's ripping his pants.

Speaker 4:
[116:26] He's the fattest one on the show now. He's always dressed in black like a rapper.

Speaker 7:
[116:30] Bobby and Jay, they've been doing this lately. They're like, you're fatter than me. They're both fat old men.

Speaker 4:
[116:34] Listen, listen.

Speaker 7:
[116:35] Who have to...

Speaker 4:
[116:35] I'm not gonna...

Speaker 7:
[116:36] Have to have intervention surgeries in order to not die of their fucking fatness. I got a little out of shape.

Speaker 4:
[116:43] When he gets comfortable with his new kid.

Speaker 8:
[116:45] A little soggy later on. It's milk for a little bit. All of a sudden, I'm a problem.

Speaker 7:
[116:50] I'll be shredded in a month and a half. You're gonna be a 50-year-old fat guy with a rubber band around your belly and big jazz to inject fucking fat guy juice into his fucking asshole because he can't control the way he eats. Fuck you both.

Speaker 3:
[117:04] Fat guy juice. Bobby's come.

Speaker 5:
[117:06] Yeah.

Speaker 4:
[117:08] Luis is fat and he gets mad at it. Just be one of the boys.

Speaker 6:
[117:12] You're a chubby little fucking reaper.

Speaker 8:
[117:13] Damn, they really are calling for you.

Speaker 5:
[117:15] I'm in Luis. Come with us. Stop.

Speaker 9:
[117:18] I'm in the office.

Speaker 3:
[117:20] You know what's funny?

Speaker 7:
[117:21] I'm in between fights.

Speaker 3:
[117:22] The best part of you being fat occasionally is we're making a three-hour movie about you and your life and it's the fattest you've ever been is what we've done.

Speaker 8:
[117:31] Holy, upside down.

Speaker 7:
[117:32] That's why I have to be shredded when I present the movie at Skankfest.

Speaker 8:
[117:35] When you're all shredded, you're going to look sick. Everyone's going to be like, is Luis dieting?

Speaker 4:
[117:40] He got so fat that when he does lose weight, he gets sick.

Speaker 3:
[117:43] This is going to be the definitive depiction of your life and you're a fucking moose in it.

Speaker 7:
[117:49] I'm dressed as Papa Shango.

Speaker 8:
[117:50] I'm eating. I'm holding all bones. All right, that sucked.

Speaker 3:
[117:56] That sucked.

Speaker 8:
[117:57] That sucked. Can we do it again? I'm sorry.

Speaker 3:
[117:59] Luis, you're on your phone so much in the podcast. It's crazy, disrespectful.

Speaker 4:
[118:05] It's a little disrespectful.

Speaker 6:
[118:06] It's a little disrespectful.

Speaker 3:
[118:08] That sounded like the beginning of the Lion King song.

Speaker 7:
[118:17] Hey, oh, I have a question.

Speaker 3:
[118:18] Is Ace Ventura what made that the sexual song or was it sexual before that?

Speaker 4:
[118:22] I don't know.

Speaker 3:
[118:22] You know how like that's what you use now, it's like a sexual thing? Did Ace Ventura, is that from Ace Ventura?

Speaker 7:
[118:27] Where they were having sex with the animals.

Speaker 3:
[118:29] Yeah.

Speaker 8:
[118:29] Yeah, he's like, I'm sorry, something got into me.

Speaker 7:
[118:31] I think it was him.

Speaker 4:
[118:33] Yeah, it had to be him because the other one was a little kids movie.

Speaker 8:
[118:35] Hot Courtney Cox.

Speaker 2:
[118:38] Not hot anymore.

Speaker 3:
[118:41] She was so hot.

Speaker 2:
[118:42] She was.

Speaker 4:
[118:44] Bruce Springsteen concert, the video.

Speaker 8:
[118:46] She's a child. She looks like a boy. Ace Ventura is peak Courtney Cox.

Speaker 3:
[118:50] Agreed.

Speaker 7:
[118:51] She never was into Courtney Cox.

Speaker 3:
[118:52] Why? So you can beat him? Fatty?

Speaker 8:
[118:54] Yeah. What do you feed your dog? He's depressed. Yeah.

Speaker 3:
[118:58] He's miserable.

Speaker 8:
[118:59] He's miserable. That's it.

Speaker 7:
[119:01] They were just auctioning off the rhinoceros from Austin Powers 2.

Speaker 8:
[119:05] Or for Ace Ventura 2, which is, I will say this, I'm not going to lie, probably the hardest I've ever laughed at a movie in the theater.

Speaker 7:
[119:12] Oh, yeah.

Speaker 8:
[119:12] But I was 10 years old.

Speaker 7:
[119:13] But at 12 years old, watching him come out of the rhinoceros' ass.

Speaker 8:
[119:17] In the theater?

Speaker 7:
[119:18] I mean, nothing made me laugh.

Speaker 8:
[119:20] It's a hippopotamus. Was that right?

Speaker 7:
[119:23] It was a rhinoceros. Nothing made me laugh harder.

Speaker 3:
[119:25] But you were older than 12.

Speaker 7:
[119:26] In the world.

Speaker 3:
[119:27] First one came out, you were 12.

Speaker 8:
[119:29] I came out in 1995.

Speaker 3:
[119:31] First one came out in 94. The second one came out, I don't know when, probably 95, 96.

Speaker 8:
[119:36] 95, 96. So yeah, I was 12.

Speaker 7:
[119:39] 13, 14. Fine, Joe.

Speaker 3:
[119:40] Yeah, no problems.

Speaker 8:
[119:42] I was 26 and I was at a crossroads. What do you want from me, Joe?

Speaker 3:
[119:46] 95, there you go.

Speaker 8:
[119:47] So I was 12.

Speaker 7:
[119:48] 13, I'm sorry I was a year older than you said I was.

Speaker 4:
[119:51] Well that's right.

Speaker 3:
[119:52] Then you said you were.

Speaker 4:
[119:52] Except his apology.

Speaker 3:
[119:53] Then you said you were.

Speaker 4:
[119:54] He did say sorry.

Speaker 9:
[119:54] Yeah.

Speaker 7:
[119:55] That's good. Come a long way.

Speaker 1:
[119:57] But man, I haven't laughed that hard at anything ever. Hold on, I'm putting more money in my meter because I want to keep going. I will see you guys next week. No. Yeah, it was fun. Two weeks. That is the funniest way to finish it. We'll see you guys next week. Yeah, we're going to do the. That was fun. On The Regz. The Regz. Bye. Bye.