transcript

Speaker 1:
[00:00] Now is your time to get into a new DR. Horton home by taking advantage of its national Red Tag sales event going on right now through Sunday, May 3rd. Stop by any of its participating communities and find select Red Tag homes at incredible pricing. So whether you're buying your first home or looking for an upgrade, you don't want to miss the Red Tag sales event going on right now. Discover the DR. Horton difference. Tap your screen now or visit drhorton.com. DR. Horton, America's builder and equal housing opportunity builder.

Speaker 2:
[00:30] K-pop demon hunters, Saja Boys Breakfast Meal and Huntrix Meal have just dropped at McDonald's. They're calling this a battle for the fans. What do you say to that, Rumi? It's not a battle.

Speaker 3:
[00:40] So glad the Saja Boys could take breakfast and give our meal the rest of the day.

Speaker 1:
[00:44] It is an honor to share.

Speaker 2:
[00:45] No, it's our honor. It is our larger honor.

Speaker 4:
[00:49] No, really, stop.

Speaker 2:
[00:51] You can really feel the respect in this battle. Pick a meal to pick a side.

Speaker 5:
[00:58] I participated in McDonald's while supplies last.

Speaker 6:
[01:00] Marlaina? Marlaina? Marlaina? Marlaina? Marlaina? Marlaina? Marlaina? Can you hear me? The Nerve turns one today, and that is a really cute little package that Emily here at Team Nerve put together last week. And we were like, it's perfect for our first birthday, because as I have said before, the name I will be calling on my deathbed to help me out is Marlaina. Hello and welcome to The Nerve. At night, I am your host, Maureen Callahan. Welcome to our first birthday. We have so much good stuff to get into before we celebrate. Entertainment reporter and Royals expert extraordinaire, the one and only Kinsey Schofield, will be joining us to discuss everything that we took away from Meghan and Harry's lame, grifterish, sad, pathetic trip to Australia. We have heard from several of you Australians who are recovering. She did show up at Shipol Beach. Then we will talk about a Royal who is the real deal in terms of giving it all up for love, and she's currently living in Connecticut. Okay. Troublemaker feedback to follow with Troublemaker art. And then we will celebrate our first birthday. We are already one year old. Can you believe it? We can't. We're so grateful to you guys. We're so grateful. We didn't make year one without you. So it's your celebration too, Troublemakers. It's all of us. Are you ready? Are you ready? Let's go. We all want to feel good in our own skin. And that is why Jones Road Beauty's entire line and their new eyeshadow stick should be your next go-to. Creamy, high-pigmented, designed for real life. No fuss, no brush, and so easy to use and blend. These shadow sticks are going to become a must in your makeup routine. And they pair seamlessly with Jones Road's Miracle Balm for an effortless, chic, and polished look that is always dermatologist tested. Modern-day makeup that's clean, strategic, and multifunctional for effortless routines for a limited time. Nerve listeners are getting a free shimmer face oil on their first purchase when they use Code Nerve at checkout. Just head to jonesroadbeauty.com and use Code Nerve at checkout after you purchase. They're going to ask where you heard about them. Please support our show. Tell them you're a troublemaker and that The Nerve sent you. Joining us now, the one and only Kinsey Schofield of the must subscribe Kinsey Schofield Unfiltered. Kinsey, welcome back to The Nerve.

Speaker 3:
[04:24] I missed you. I can't wait to see you again later this week. I've missed you so much.

Speaker 6:
[04:29] I've missed you too. And I, you know, we were saving you for the end of the Meghan Markle and Harry. What would we call it? You know, the Winger and the Grifter as the Winger and the Ginger as the Aussies have named them. The lead story we've got is the New York Post Meghan Markle charged fans. If you spent this money, you deserve to lose it. I am sorry. I mean, $3,000 for the ultimate Meg stock Girls Weekend, and she stayed only two hours, Kinsey.

Speaker 3:
[05:10] I mean, we were promised we were going to get to do yoga with Meghan Markle. What else were we?

Speaker 6:
[05:14] Oh, right. And disco and self-actualize and have dinner and get a group photo. But you could spend a lot more money to get a one-on-one photo with this trick. I mean, there's no, there's nothing. You know, Bill Simmons of The Ringer was so right when he called those two fucking grifters. They have zero shame.

Speaker 3:
[05:38] Well, I mean, all you have to do is look back at the photos of her kneeling down, talking to cancer children, ripping their masks off of their faces.

Speaker 6:
[05:49] Did she really do that?

Speaker 3:
[05:51] Well, if you look at the pictures before Harry and Meghan arrived, these ill children are wearing masks because their immune systems are weak because they're receiving chemo or radiation or whatever for their cancer. Once Harry and Meghan arrive, they take their masks off. And I think that this is alarming for two reasons. One, Harry and Meghan came straight from the airport on a commercial flight from America and landed in Australia. So God knows what germs they've picked up in transit. B, Harry and Meghan spend so much time preaching to keep your children off the internet, yet they'll use other people's children to elevate themselves and elevate their brand. And these are poor, sick kids. And within seconds of those pictures circulate or those pictures are being uploaded online, you can then access Meghan's wardrobe on this new AI app that she's launched. And she gets a piece of the commission if she makes a sale. So she's now using the cancer children, the Bondi Beach victims, the women in the homeless shelter. She's using all of them as props to make a sale on a $400 hideous t-shirt. Yeah, I mean, what a joke this is. Her ultimate objective has always been the influencer space because it requires very little effort. These are two people that refuse to work hard. They have no work ethic whatsoever. But as an influencer, she can post a picture holding a cup that says Dunkin Donuts on it and get hundreds of thousands of dollars potentially. And I think that that's her ultimate objective. And unfortunately, there are people out there willing to allow themselves or their children to be used as props for Meghan Markle to make a buck.

Speaker 6:
[07:41] Um, a couple of things. I actually, I actually disagree with you a little bit. That I think, I think to be a really successful influencer, if you're doing it right, it actually takes some hard work and a take on things. And this is, this is yet another, you know, Meghan Markle as she slides down this greasy pole of cultural relevance and great wealth. You know, it's like, what's the least amount I can do for the most amount of money and fuck the both of them for that sickening display with children who are fighting cancer. You know who I really blame? I blame whatever that hospital is. That hospital should have told those two to fuck right off. I totally turned around and said, oh, sorry, sorry, our bad. Like the kids can keep the masks on so we don't get the heartwarming photos. I would have told them to fuck all the way off. What's wrong with people?

Speaker 3:
[08:32] What's really frustrating about that is that this is a strategic plan by Harry and Meghan's team because the Queen had previously been at this hospital. So they knew that the local news would take the video of the Queen releasing the plaque cut to Harry and Meghan walking down the same hallways. That was all about continuing to look royal without having to do any of the real royal work. They knew by appearing, Harry did the same thing in Canada when he went to one of the veterans venues that his grandmother had previously been at. He knows that media wise, what they'll do is they'll do the transition from the Queen's previous visit to Harry and that continues to give him that royal proximity that he desperately needs while you and I both know that no one in the House of Windsor is accepting his phone calls, that he doesn't have a relationship with his father. He certainly doesn't have a relationship with his brother and he is not a working royal, but they stage these moments so that they continue to look like working royals so that people that don't know any better buy into their BS.

Speaker 6:
[09:41] You know, I wanted to ask you about the, is it Bondi Beach or Bondi Beach in Australia? Bondi Beach. I mispronounced it earlier, but the site of that massacre, Meghan showed up. Again, 15 minutes after she showed up, there was a push, go on the affiliate links, go buy what Meghan's wearing, which was basically an exact replica of what the Nazis forced Jewish prisoners in concentration camps to wear. And at first Kinsey, I do have a charitable side. I do have a side that sometimes gives the benefit of the doubt and as much as I loathe the fuck wit useless twat that is Meghan Markle, I thought to myself, you know, Maureen, she's not the brightest. She's not the most sophisticated. She's always tripping over her feet to get to the next photo op, the next sale, point of sale. Perhaps she just didn't realize. And then I saw some genius put together all the ways in which Meghan has deliberately copied the Duke of, what's her name? God, why am I blanking? The Duchess of Lund? Wallis Simpson. Duchess of Lund. The way in which she's constantly, and she did it for the big Oprah interview. She wore a dress that was an exact replica. And as we know, Wallis Simpson and her husband were great Nazi sympathizers. And really, Edward was removed from the throne not so much because of the woman he loved, really because he loved Adolf Hitler. And this could not stand. And when it was put in that context, I thought to myself, you know what? You know what, Maureen, you should rethink that because I think this hateful bitch will do anything, anything for a media hit. Your take, Kinsey.

Speaker 3:
[11:29] Well, I would tell you that Hugo Vickers would disagree about, Hugo Vickers is always very, he scolds me whenever I bring up the Nazi Association. And he says that like they fell into it accidentally. I don't know where.

Speaker 6:
[11:42] Sorry, what?

Speaker 3:
[11:43] I think everybody needs to pursue their own opinion on that. But when it comes to-

Speaker 6:
[11:47] I disagree. When it comes to the Nazis, there is no your truth. I'm just gonna say right here, I disagree with Hugo Vickers, as does much scholarship, but anyway, continue please.

Speaker 3:
[11:57] And Andrew Morton has even claimed that Wallace had a sexual relationship with a Nazi. So, I mean, but when it comes to Meghan Markle, she married a man that was famous for wearing a Nazi costume on Halloween. Thank you.

Speaker 6:
[12:13] I mean, that's right.

Speaker 3:
[12:15] And also, I think it's important to stress that on October 7th, on October 7th, it was the King and Queen and the Prince and Princess of Wales that released statements saying that they were horrified by the actions. And then during the Bondi Beach shooting, the King and Queen immediately releasing a statement, the Prince and Princess of Wales immediately releasing a statement saying that they were horrified and that their sympathy was with the victims. And here we have Harry and Meghan running to Jordan, having their photograph taken with people that have pro-Hamas propaganda all over their social media. I did not feel an ounce of sincerity when it came to the Bondi Beach appearance. And then for Meghan to have the outfit she was wearing available almost immediately in association with that, it just felt so completely vile and irresponsible and vulgar. But I mean, that's basically what I would use to describe her perpetually these days. I mean, crying about how tough your life is because of the man you chose, one of them, because this is not your first marriage, not your first rodeo. While your dad is still navigating how to live without a limb, I'm sorry. But who do you think we are? We're not idiots.

Speaker 6:
[13:36] Again, she would prefer to, and her husband, he's equally to blame here, they would prefer to have sick kids unmask themselves so they can get great photo ops rather than take what would be a considerably short flight to visit her father in the Philippines, who has been begging. I maintain now he is better off without her. He is better off without her. Fox News reporting Prince William's ruthless side emerges as he views Prince Harry as untrustworthy. Experts claim, the firewall is firmly held against the Duke of Sussex six years after his royal exit. Now, our pal Rob Shooter has exclusive reporting that Harry and Meghan, their stances now, hey, guess what? The Sandringham Summit in which Queen Elizabeth said to Harry and Meghan, you're either all the way in or you're all the way out. There's no half in and half out. They regard the Australia trip as a huge success. They regard the Australia trip as proof. They can be half in and half out. Their messaging to the palace and the public, guess what? That's what we're doing. If you don't like it, you can go fuck yourselves. Kinsey, when is the palace going to strip the titles?

Speaker 3:
[15:00] Well, it's my understanding right now that the reason that there was no response to this trip is A, they don't, the palace does not consider the Australian trip, the success that Harry and Meghan considers it, but we don't know how much they truly did collect when it came to all of the appearance fees and Meghan Markle's app launch and all of those things. The palace looked at it as I was told, it looked messy and they don't know what they're doing. But this week they're celebrating Queen Elizabeth's 100th birthday. The King didn't want to distract from that and next week he's in DC where he's playing mediator between Keir Starmer, who I cannot believe still has a job right now, and President Trump. And so if they were to acknowledge Harry and Meghan or the Australia trip, there's two concerns coming from the palace. A, it would give it credibility. The ignoring them and pretending that they don't exist so far has weakened Harry and Meghan's credibility. B, they know that if the King says or talks to Harry, even if he called him to scold him, that would hijack the headlines from the Queen's birthday leading into DC. Also, I think the King is incredibly weak. I think we're not going to see anything truly happen until we're in a Prince William or King William reign. But those are the excuses I'm receiving. The King has a very important job that he's been assigned by the UK government next week to try to heal the special relationship between the United States and the UK. Because Keir Starmer rejected Trump and really pissed him off. And Trump has a hard on for King Charles. And King Charles is going to come in and save the day. And then also they just don't want to distract from what's going on with the Queen's birthday. But yeah, I mean, what I'm being told is that Britain is next on the Harry and Meghan Worldwide Privacy Tour. And that Australia was a test to show everyone that everyone likes Meghan. Meghan's fine. You know, according to Dr. Sophie Shindaka has got the proof that that's actually not true and that she weakens the brand and that people can't freaking stand Meghan Markle. But Australia was to prove a point that people do like Meghan and that Britain is next. And we'll have to wait and see if that actually comes to fruition. Britain is not going to accept Meghan Markle. They are going to reject her fiercely. You are going to see people show up to throw tomatoes or to boo. And people in Australia just didn't care that much. So you didn't see the hate.

Speaker 6:
[17:50] You know what you said about what the messaging from the Palace as to why they're not bothering to address this. That's not what Americans are asking here. We're not asking the Palace to address it. We don't want them to address it. We want them to strip the titles of these two toddlers who are, they are causing real damage. Do you know how? Just simply by doing stuff like this and looking at an ineffectual monarch who won't do the necessary thing, Meghan and Harry are goading them. They're really forcing their hand and it makes, you know what, I'm sorry, we are apolitical here at The Nerve, but I can tell you no one in America is worked up about the relationship between Trump and Keir Starmer. Nobody gives a flying fuck. It's not a topic of conversation. So this idea that King Charles is going to come in and broker like the Abraham, it's not going to happen. Nobody cares. It's all empty, empty, empty stuff. And I just think it cannot come soon enough. You know, I do like maybe William wants this. Maybe William wants the responsibility. Maybe he's the one who wants to do it. But I think Charles is weak to the point of it is so damaging. It took them forever to address the Andrew problem. And Meghan's out here walking around in Nazi cosplay. I'm sorry, whether intentional or not, it's so damaging. And what they're pulling with children who have cancer. I mean, my God, they're a complete embarrassment. I mean, can you imagine?

Speaker 3:
[19:21] Can you imagine Katherine posing for a photo and then, you know, officially you being able to buy Katherine's outfit while she's standing next to a sick kid? It's like unbelievable. It's so shameless. And I'm surprised that I'm surprised that they're capable of going so low.

Speaker 6:
[19:44] I think that one of the, I think they're a very well matched couple. And I think that one of the things that they share is a real thirst. They love sadism. They love cruelty. You know, Katherine would never, not least because she has lived through cancer. She knows what that is like. And to use it as a way to create a halo effect for yourself is thoroughly disgusting. And you know, they may think they're winning at this short game. I promise them the long game is going to be very, very painful. We end their Australia tour, their tour of our beloved Australia with an empty walkabout. A walkabout. Is it a walkabout? If a tree falls, Kinsey, right? Is it a walkabout if no one shows up? If there are no hands to shake, no flowers to receive? Tell us, tell us what you've heard about the response within, you know, House Sussex to their last day of glory in Australia.

Speaker 3:
[20:56] Well, what I will tell you is their sole remaining communications PR person, he released to some media and it was actually inevitably leaked to everyone, that Harry and Meghan officially would not be doing walkabouts because it was a security concern. But my sources said, that's not the case. They know no one's going to show up. So they're saying no walkabouts, so that when no one shows up, they can go, well, we said no walkabouts. I mean, they-

Speaker 6:
[21:28] What are you doing there? Why are you on a public tour of a nation that's not yours if you're not going to meet people? What are you doing there?

Speaker 3:
[21:36] Paranoid to such an extent that they were preparing for the rejection, which inevitably we see on the last day. If you look at the comparisons in Sydney between William and Catherine's visit, Diana and Charles' visit, Diana and or Charles and Camilla, it's pathetic, the comparisons. It's just like there's no one there for Harry and Meghan. Okay, maybe a handful of people, masochists, I guess we would describe them as. But it's unbelievable. There's a really great shot and I wish I would have sent it to you before. But there's a woman on Bondi Beach journaling and she's laying on her belly. And here comes Harry and Meghan in their entourage, their ungodly entourage. And I think if this were in 2018, somebody would have come and swept her away or even maybe she would have been like, oh my God, it's them, I'm going to move. This girl looks up, sees it's them, and just goes back to journaling. And this entourage basically walks over her. Harry points at her and kind of laughs. They do have to part the seas to get around her. But it just shows how completely irrelevant they are, that she's like, I don't give a. And they continue to on their path. I think Australia, you've always said like, there's love, there's hate, and then there's that in between that's incredibly uncomfortable. And that's where Harry and Meghan certainly were in Australia. And unfortunately, I think that that's, we're all kind of just like over them.

Speaker 6:
[23:05] Yes, I always say, you know, the opposite of love isn't hate, it's indifference. You know, that local heroine on that beach who looked up, took one look and said, oh, these two again, these two are over here? Please, I would like to get back to my day. Move it along. You know, if that doesn't say it all, that is what we in America are saying to Harry and Meghan, please, would you just move it along? Kinsey, my last question for you is, what do you hear or theorize that these two are going to try to pull to steal thunder from Charles and Mila as they visit the United States on the 250th anniversary of our birth?

Speaker 3:
[23:47] Well, you know, I was surprised to hear this week that Meghan has launched a new candle, at least one, maybe there's two, I can't remember. But a new candle with Prince Archie's title inspired by Archie, their child, which now you are completely monetizing the children and you're monetizing their titles, which you know the Queen was already rolling over in her grave when she saw the pictures of the kids at the hospital and this is a whole other level. Monetizing, by the way, the same titles that she lied to Oprah Winfrey and said, we're being held hostage because of Archie's skin color, which is factually incorrect. They weren't to receive those titles until the Queen passed away and the King, what became the King formally. And so what do I think they'll do next? Maybe we'll get a deeper tease of the kids' faces. Maybe the kids' faces show up on the cover of People Magazine. I think she's, remember when Hilaria Baldwin spoke recently about, what was it, $50,000 she got for showing one of her children off to People Magazine? I think that Meghan would do that, would take a check to expose the children's faces for the first time. Maybe that's it, maybe it's too soon, but I certainly don't think they're going to sit back and do nothing. That's very unlike them. They always, maybe she'll release another bookmark and call it an event. I don't know.

Speaker 6:
[25:12] These two are prostituting themselves. They are prostituting the royal family. I am serious. I was thinking about this the other day. The British royal family was once upon a time, a blue chip brand. It is rapidly losing its luster. Andrew is an existential threat to them, and so are Harry and Meghan. We all laugh and roll our eyes, but what they just pulled in Australia is beyond disgusting. We in America, we are eagerly awaiting the realm of a King William. I can only speak for myself and people I know, but that is really true.

Speaker 3:
[25:57] I mean, I can't help but agree with you. I mean, I think King Charles is not nasty enough with them. And I used to think like, what do they have left? I don't think they have anything left. I think that he just does not ever like being the bad guy.

Speaker 6:
[26:15] It's not being the bad guy, but though I disagree that I think if that's really the lens through which he views it, it's an incorrect lens. Actions have consequences. And they're basically gagging for it at this point. They want, if this is the real thought, they want it so badly we won't give it to them because that further allows them to play the victim. But they could try that all they want, it won't work. Nobody's going to believe it's racially motivated. Nobody's going to believe it's motivated by anything other than us being fed the fuck up.

Speaker 3:
[26:47] Right. And they have reached all of their resources, in my opinion, when it comes to what they can share with the British royal family. I mean, I know Harry told The Telegraph, who he's clearly still very friendly with, because they are the ones that did the story over the weekend about how this was a successful trip and it shows that they are officially half in half out again. That's not true. It's my understanding that Prince William was appalled by what he witnessed in Australia. But Meghan's journal says what? We've seen what she's capable of delivering. There are little to no details. It's the same stories over and over again. What possibly could the diary say that she found in Frogmore Cottage? All she ever talks about is Rodney King, the damn soap story. I think she is very limited. I think that they've run out of royal stories. And now this is how they're going to have that royal proximity. Just fake it till you make it, I guess.

Speaker 6:
[27:52] Good luck. Good luck to them. Kinsey, thank you for joining us for a roundup and a walloping that only you could deliver to The Nerve. Thank you. And we will see you very soon.

Speaker 3:
[28:05] Thank you.

Speaker 6:
[28:06] And just to further make our point at The Nerve about royals who renounce their titles and their lives to live a life of privacy and anonymity, listen, Meghan, this is how it's done. This is a real one. Japan's Princess Mako, who gave up royal life to marry a commoner, was spotted with her little, quote, air. She and her husband lived in New York City for a time. Now they live in Connecticut, in a suburb of Connecticut. Now they were photographed over the weekend. We can't show these particular photos. I'm going to guess they were tipped off. I do wonder about the power plays involved and whether Buckingham Palace reached out to the Imperial Palace of Japan and arranged for this as a way to give a shiv and a dagger to Harry and Meghan because we never see this woman. She was the first child of Japan's Crown Prince, the niece of Emperor Naruhito. She shocked her country when she said, I'm giving up everything for love. And maybe it was also just a life she didn't want. She was spotted this weekend with a Target shopping bag along with her husband, who I think works in finance, and they were just strolling around their Connecticut town, going to the local cheese shop, going to the bakery. They live in Fairfield County. Their house is worth $680,000, not 14 million. They reportedly live, the more I read about this, the more I'm like, Prince William's office definitely made a call. There's no way. There's no way. They live financially independent from the royal family. You know what I'm saying? These two walk the walk. These other two hucksters out in Montecito, they're so full of shit. God, can't stand it. Anyway, that's it. That's it for our, our Harkle roundup. We will be back in a moment. We've got your feedback and a very special Nerve celebration. Marlaina says she's got a lot of surprises in store for us. We are back in a minute. Hang tight. Those of you who call yourselves the Mo Bros, you super straight heterosexual men who love lots of heterosexual sex. This one, this one is for the female troublemakers. Ladies, are you having trouble sleeping through the night, thinking clearly and just feeling like yourself? Biologica has the answer. It may make a drinkable daily supplement that goes beyond a multivitamin. It combines vitamins, minerals and probiotics, electrolytes and clinically researched botanicals in one easy drink so you are not juggling pills every morning. It is an effervescent powder you mix with water. It tastes great. It's easy to remember daily. It's also made with clean ingredients, no added sugar and it is developed alongside women's health experts. What sets Biologica apart is that it is designed for different hormonal life stages. Primary Essentials supports women in their reproductive years. Midlife Essentials supports women navigating perimenopause. And Postmenopause Essentials supports women in postmenopause. So you can choose what's right for your body right now. Head to biologica.com/nerve and get started. Take their quick hormonal life stage quiz and find out the formula that's right for you. Right now, subscribers can receive up to 32% off their purchases. Again, make sure to go to biologica.com/nerve and get up to 32% off your first subscription order today.

Speaker 1:
[32:09] Now is your time to get into a new DR. Horton home by taking advantage of its national Red Tag sales event going on right now through Sunday, May 3rd. Stop by any of its participating communities and find select Red Tag homes at incredible pricing. So whether you're buying your first home or looking for an upgrade, you don't want to miss the Red Tag sales event going on right now. Discover the DR. Horton difference. Visit drhorton.com. DR. Horton, America's builder, an equal housing opportunity builder.

Speaker 2:
[32:39] K-pop demon hunters, Saja Boys breakfast meal and Huntrix meal have just dropped at McDonald's. They're calling this a battle for the fans. What do you say to that, Rumi? It's not a battle.

Speaker 3:
[32:50] So glad the Saja Boys could take breakfast and give our meal the rest of the day.

Speaker 1:
[32:54] It is an honor to share.

Speaker 2:
[32:55] No, it's our honor. It is our larger honor.

Speaker 4:
[32:59] No, really, stop.

Speaker 2:
[33:01] You can really feel the respect in this battle. Pick a meal to pick a side.

Speaker 1:
[33:06] Bada bada bada bada.

Speaker 5:
[33:08] Participating McDonald's while supplies last.

Speaker 6:
[33:13] We are back. Now, before we get to The Nerve's first birthday party, and my t-shirt is in honor of what is becoming our life's work here at The Nerve. Locating Stedman Graham, whether he is still with us or we are just really going for the remains. Last we heard his Valentine's Day gift from The Nerve, which we mailed to the last place he was seen reliably alive, has yet to be picked up and it's been months. Marlaina is going to join to discuss. But first, we have a few Troublemaker emails and artworks to get to. Number one, Paul from New Zealand, and Pam, I got your email and I'm thinking about how we're going to address it. It was a great email. Paul from New Zealand, his artwork for The Nerve's first birthday. Paul and Pam, we could not love you more here at The Nerve. Now, we heard from a first time writer who goes by Water Girl, who began watching The Nerve on New Year's Eve. We can think of no other healthy way to bring in a new year. She wants to comment on that insufferable, her words, not mine, but I completely agree, an insufferable obese Lena Dunham and her former dog, who she quote, re-homed due to the dog's supposed behavioral issues. Lena said the dog became incorrigible and what could she do? I know this to be true because The New York Post did a very deep reporting job on it, and they were not sued. They were not asked to retract and apologize, so you know it's true. Lena heavily medicated the dog reportedly, and when she re-homed Lammy, that's what she named him, she's an asshole. After four years to the dog's new home, the Zen Dog, she claimed Lammy had serious behavioral issues. The original rescue agency, Bark, which is a Brooklyn-based, I believe, agency, but I know people who have adopted from Bark, and I donate to Bark, they are extremely responsible when it comes to adopting out animals. Okay? Bark refuted Lena's claims of the dog's past abuse as a puppy before Lena ever got to adopt Lammy from Bark. In my humble opinion, this Troublemaker writes, although it is horrific to surrender any animal who becomes a member of your family, Lammy is in a much better situation now. Without Lena, I agree, you know, sometimes it's like CPS, as bad as CPS can be and as bad as foster homes can be or the shelter system, sometimes the home of origin is even worse. Lammy was adopted by, oh, I didn't know this, by a guy from The Zen Dog, and he said that Lammy was a hot mess. When he arrived at The Zen Dog, I wonder how Lammy became such a hot mess. Perhaps living 24-7 with Lena had something to do with it. Agreed. We are hearing again from Troublemaker, Nadia, of the ongoing chronicles of Puss and Pooch. Puss is her feline, Daisy J. And Pooch, of course, is none other than the heroic Teddy Van Halen, who is special forces but never brags about it as real warriors do not. Troublemaker Pictures. Since psycho-arsenist Ryan Reynolds is no longer a viable option as a leading man, I believe it was Paramount who has dropped his three-picture deal. We'd like to think The Nerve had a little something to do with that, as has Blake's lawsuit, which he refuses to drop. So we're popping the popcorn, know what I'm saying? Has willfully destroyed his career in Hollywood. He must now resort to being a spokesperson, I've heard from so many of you Canadians, for a new maple glazed donut at Tim Hortons. This isn't Ben Affleck for Dunkin Donuts, okay? This is a career on the decline. Couldn't happen to a better psycho arsonist. And between him and Jon Hamm, it's fucking neck and neck. Jon Hamm, Nerve's inaugural episode. If you don't know, that's your homework. Nadia says Troublemaker Pictures has produced a brand new exciting blockbuster action moving, starring the canine Casanova, Teddy Van Halen, and his trusted co-star, the feline phenomenon, Daisy J. As two ninjas, covert agents determined to take down the wolf of Canadian and his little donut too. As Ryan were showing the art, as Ryan is lured by the flame of Daisy's lighter and is drawn to his incendiary past, Teddy is ready with his paralyzing blow dart as the two formidable spies fight to save the world from this insufferable moron. One quote has appeared by one mysterious Stedman Graham. This movie really lit me up. Okay. This is our final one. And you guys, I died when I saw it. I can't believe it's real, but it's real. So as you know, we at The Nerve have been agitating The New York Times baby steps. But hey, you want to publish controversial pieces about controversial figures in the culture? Leave the comments on, okay? Be interesting. Dare to be interesting. Dare to be a compelling read, New York Times. Well, it seems they've heard our plaintive wailings over here in Midtown West in New York City because they've begun doing so. They've begun doing so and they left the comments on, on Lena Dunham's interview, which we took to the woodshed as soon as we got back from spring break. Now, this troublemaker writes, I left this comment under the pseudonym Jordan on the latest article The New York Times dropped about Lena. I assumed it would get little attention. Imagine my satisfaction when I returned so many hours later to find that so many had recommended this shout out to The Nerve. Here is the comment, we're showing it on screen by Jordan, the pseudonym Jordan, this kind of obnoxious elitist fawning over quote unquote important people that no one cares about is exactly why we need shows like The Nerve. Now, more than ever, thank you Dee for unmasking yourself over here where it's safe, Troublemaker Central, recommended by the time she came back by 78 people. Keep your feedback coming, Troublemakers, and let's keep moving the culture over here. Email me at maureen at devilmaycaremedia.com or DM me on Instagram at maureencallahanwriter or at The Nerve Show. Remember to subscribe to our weekly email, otherwise known as The Nerve Substack. Just go over to thenerveshow.com, our website, you will see a prompt. Would you like to subscribe? Please do and join the party. Drops in your inbox every Friday after the full nerve, the last full nerve of the week. Coming up, the nerve turns one. We are officially one year old today. We will see you in a minute. We have talked about OneSkin's phenomenal products before, but now their same longevity science has been turned to target hair loss with their amazing OS1 hair scalp serum. Founded by a team of scientists, OneSkin's scalp serum is powered by their patented OS1 peptide. This works by targeting the cells in your hair follicles that contribute to shedding, thinning and slower hair growth. OS1 hair can reactivate that growth cycle and promote thicker, fuller and denser hair. It's drug-free, delivering effective results without harsh side effects. Clinical studies show that six months in, people saw a 43% increase in hair thickness and a 40% increase in hair density and an overall reduction in hair shedding, plus increased hair volume and fullness. Born from over 10 years of longevity research, OneSkin's OS01 peptide is proven to target the cells that cause the visible signs of aging, so your scalp and your hair stays healthy now and as you age. For a limited time, try OneSkin with 15% off using code NERVE at oneskin.co. That's 15% off oneskin.co. With code NERVE after you purchase, they're going to ask where you heard about them. Please support our show. Tell them you're a troublemaker and that The Nerve sent you.

Speaker 1:
[42:39] Now is your time to get into a new DR Horton home by taking advantage of its national Red Tag Sales event going on right now through Sunday, May 3rd. Stop by any of its participating communities and find select Red Tag homes at incredible pricing. So whether you're buying your first home or looking for an upgrade, you don't want to miss the Red Tag Sales event going on right now. Discover the DR Horton difference. Visit drhorton.com. DR Horton, America's Builder, an equal housing opportunity builder.

Speaker 5:
[43:09] The hottest plate in town right now? Yeah, it's at Applebee's. Applebee's OM Cheeseburger is back, you guys. A juicy bacon cheeseburger coming in hot on a sizzling skillet of even more cheese. Cheese on cheese on cheese. I'm telling you, this burger is absolute fire. Head to your nearest Applebee's to try the even cheesier OM Cheeseburger for $11.99, or on the 2 for 25 menu. Dine in only for a limited time. Price and participation varies. No substitutions. Offer valid per person, per order.

Speaker 6:
[43:42] Troublemakers, it was one year ago today. And it's true what they say, time really does fly and they grow up so fast. The Nerve was born one year ago today, and we took one Jon Hamm out to the woodshed. If you haven't seen it, I am probably nervous, you can tell. But you all helped me immediately get a little bit more confidence. And now here we are, The Nerve. This demon spawn that we all love so much has turned one. And guess who is here to help us celebrate. And she will not tell me everything she's doing. She wanted it to be a complete surprise. It's none other than the other half of my brain. One producer, Marlaina. In she comes. Welcome.

Speaker 1:
[44:36] Marlaina.

Speaker 3:
[44:37] Oh, my God.

Speaker 1:
[44:39] Marlaina.

Speaker 6:
[44:40] Marlaina. Okay, I'm going to scooch over. Can you get it? Marlaina. Can you get it?

Speaker 4:
[44:45] Look, I'm balancing the cake.

Speaker 6:
[44:47] There's like a leg on this table. Oh, my God. Okay. First of all, Marlaina. Wherever did you get the idea for this ensemble?

Speaker 4:
[45:01] I don't know. I think someone named Maureen might have said it.

Speaker 6:
[45:05] Oh, my God. It's the Nerve. Okay. There I am. There's two of me. There's me and the Sex and the City drag. It's all me. Oh, my God.

Speaker 4:
[45:16] This is how you started. This is Halloween. Of course, I had to add that. This is when we had their Nerve at Night, even though these two were kind of neck and neck. And then this, yeah, the veil over your face. That was a classic moment.

Speaker 6:
[45:27] Should we talk about the veil over the face? So when it was announced late on a Friday in the summer of the Year of Our Lord 2025, and just like that would not be returning now or ever, Marlaina and I got on the phone immediately, and we were like, how do we do this? Like, what do we do? And we said, well, we have to throw a funeral. We have to throw a funeral. She said, do you have anything that's funeral-like? And I said, I really need a veil. Like, I need like a Jackie Kennedy veil. And I didn't have one. And Amazon was really slow because it was the summer. And I was out on the east end of Long Island where everything is just like clogged up. And so I had to go. And that is a very expensive bra that can double as evening wear if you want it to. And that's how it made its debut on The Nerve. I was like, I can wrap this baby around my face and it'll double as morning wear, morning attire, Victorian slightly vibe.

Speaker 4:
[46:29] Are you sure that was bra? I could have swore it was underwear over your head.

Speaker 6:
[46:33] No, it's literally like this lace. It's like one of those things you go and you buy in SoHo. And you pay, it's the cost of your electric bill. But you're like, this thing is really cool. It's like you can wear it like under, if you wanted to do kind of like a 30s green siren, like you would wear it under like a black blazer or something like that. Anyway, that's the origin story of that. Now, Marlaina, talk to us a little bit about the pearls, the missing t-shirt. Oh, you cut it.

Speaker 4:
[47:05] I cut everything.

Speaker 6:
[47:06] She's got, Marlaina wants to do a makeover on The Nerve, which we're going to do. We're talking about how we're going to get it done. But I was talking to one of the lovely women who does my hair from time to time. And she was like, you know, Marlaina has a real rock chick in her. And I was like, exactly. And that you showed up with your t-shirt cut like that just ratifies the direction I think we're going to go.

Speaker 4:
[47:27] I know we're going to talk about this another time, but I think when this makeover finally commences, I want to ask you how you see me dressing, not the rocker thing that you just said, like if you had to say, like, hmm, what would Marlaina wear? Not what you want to see me wear.

Speaker 6:
[47:44] Understood completely. No, I get it. It's really, it's all about you. It's all about you. I can't wait to do this. I think it's going to be so much fun. Now, before we light our, first we have to have, okay, may I pour for you, please? Oh, please do. From our Nerve Clicko, which is another one of Marlaina's indelible puns. She cannot stop herself. Our Champagne Toast, and before we light our Nerve Cake, which is so adorable. I can't even, with how cute this thing is, I'm dying. I'm dying. Who among our repeat offenders is number one for you right now?

Speaker 4:
[48:23] Number one in that I actually secretly like them, or number one in that-

Speaker 6:
[48:27] Woodshedding, woodshedding, woodshipper, stump grinder, burn pile, number one.

Speaker 4:
[48:33] Well, the one that I'm dying to revisit, but she hasn't resurfaced is Tracy Ellis Ross.

Speaker 6:
[48:40] She knows she was bragging she got season two.

Speaker 4:
[48:42] And we haven't seen it.

Speaker 6:
[48:44] Do you think The Nerve Traveler had anything to do with that? Because Belinda and I both left our respective rooms and actually went out and saw stuff in Mexico City, whereas Tracy Ellis Ross showed those of us at home viewing her travels to exotic lands, the hotel landscaping and the pool.

Speaker 4:
[49:04] Right. So basically Roku was like, wait a second, we just paid all of this money for you to travel to all these places and basically sit in your hotel room. And Maureen Callahan and Belinda Carlisle actually left their hotel room. So maybe, maybe they thought better of it. They reversed course.

Speaker 6:
[49:23] Perhaps. I want to, I want to talk about, so we have a troublemaker who goes by Pilot Gal. And Pilot Gal came to our attention when she did a tarot poll asking if Stedman Graham is still with us. And the answer wasn't good. It was not good. And Pilot Gal did a tarot poll for The Nerve's first birthday, which I believe you have. Can I see it? Oh, these, those are, here we go. Okay. I have to put on my look optics. These are, we don't get paid by look optic.

Speaker 4:
[50:01] We don't, but you inspired me, Maureen.

Speaker 6:
[50:05] She did go by the same.

Speaker 4:
[50:07] Almost.

Speaker 6:
[50:07] Which they look amazing. They look, oh, I need page three of this, of the over read.

Speaker 4:
[50:11] Is that it?

Speaker 6:
[50:12] I think, yes, this is it. Okay. So the poll, the card pulled here is The Devil. Now, with the tarot, it's never literal. The Devil can have many interpretations. So when it comes to Oprah and Gayle, they're the devils. We're devils as well, but we're like on the side of, we're venging devils, I suppose. Okay. So Pilot Gal noted that she did a poll asking what's up for The Nerve in year two. She says her throat chakra got blocked mid reading, which I mean, Mark Bowden would have a field day, right? Like it wasn't coming out like of her mouth, like Oprah's energy is, it's like a mushroom cloud. Okay. So the cards warn us, Pilot Gal says, and thank you for doing this reading. We really appreciate it. Okay. Did I share this with you before?

Speaker 4:
[51:05] Well, I do get our sub stack and yes, we spoke about it a little bit.

Speaker 6:
[51:08] You do get, you work on the show, you run the show, of course you get the sub stack. Okay. Oprah is, this is the reading. I'm not making this up. Oprah is obsessed with The Nerve. She is emotionally wrecked, a puddle on the floor per the Ace of Cups. Excuse me, pilot gal, that's Meghan Markle's default position. We're always on the floor waiting for Harry to come home so we can, you know, overwhelm him with our tears. Okay. Oprah, pilot gal goes on, has teamed up with two other parties to try to cause chaos for The Nerve. One of them's Gail. We know that. She's also apparently considering drastic action. The cards suggest that Oprah might threaten a lawsuit against The Nerve. Bring it. It's so exciting. You can get sued by Oprah Winfrey. Oprah Winfrey knows who we are, Marlaina. Did you ever see this one coming? I didn't. But Pilate Gallo says that the cards say that Oprah will reconsider once she realizes that a lawsuit means discovery, emails, texts, receipts, timeline, in the words of a housewife of Salt Lake City.

Speaker 4:
[52:23] Credit card receipts for a tombstone.

Speaker 6:
[52:28] Teddy will find our remains. Trust me. Okay. The site of Stedman's remains, suddenly, the energy will shift in Oprah's thoughts about suing us from we ride at dawn to we absolutely will not. If Blake Lively has done anything, she saved us. Who knows? The bottom line, The Nerve is in a strong position with powerful protector energy in our corner. That protection extends against Oprah and Gayle and psycho arsonist Ryan and any other repeat offender who might be getting ideas. Shall we light our cake?

Speaker 4:
[53:07] Not yet.

Speaker 6:
[53:08] No, why?

Speaker 4:
[53:09] Because I have something for you as usual.

Speaker 1:
[53:13] Or not.

Speaker 6:
[53:14] You are a giver. Cheers, Marlaina. Cheers.

Speaker 2:
[53:19] Not yet.

Speaker 6:
[53:20] I can't cheers.

Speaker 4:
[53:21] We can do like a pre-cheers and then we can cheers after.

Speaker 6:
[53:25] Cheers to all the troublemakers as well.

Speaker 4:
[53:27] Yes. Because I was actually like really thirsty.

Speaker 6:
[53:32] That's actually really good.

Speaker 4:
[53:35] It's been like simmering. We started that. We did those for the Emmys.

Speaker 6:
[53:39] Those were our first live stream, the Emmys.

Speaker 4:
[53:43] I know. It feels like a long time ago.

Speaker 6:
[53:48] We're gearing up for our next one, which is in a couple of weeks. We can't wait to tell you guys all about it. Okay. Okay. I won't. I won't. Is something going to come up on the prompter?

Speaker 4:
[53:58] No. I purposely didn't put it in prompter so you couldn't get ahead of it.

Speaker 6:
[54:02] I don't know if I like this, Marlaina.

Speaker 4:
[54:04] I think you're going to love it actually. All right. I hope so. If not.

Speaker 6:
[54:08] If you say so. I'll just. You'll just take your leave.

Speaker 4:
[54:13] I'll just get on the train and go straight to the woodshed. Okay. Today, The Nerve is officially one. And if I say so myself, it has been a pun of fun.

Speaker 1:
[54:26] My God.

Speaker 6:
[54:29] Line two. She can't help herself. See what I deal with every day? Every day. Go on.

Speaker 4:
[54:34] You're a masochist. Out of the gate, we had Momentum and Verve. By week three, we already had a mini-nerve. Now, that was just supposed to be some bonus content that wasn't shown. But the following week, it took on a life of its own. We have a woodshed, a woodchipper, and a cultural court. And let's not forget our Dwarf Minds special report. We have a full investigative team. Why? Because we can. Plus, no one else is looking for Stedman Graham. Can. Graham.

Speaker 6:
[55:22] It's okay. It's a cheat. It happens all the time. Go on.

Speaker 4:
[55:26] Since then, we have continued to grow and grow. And with a blink of an eye, we added another show. And then without skipping a beat, along came the substack as The Nerve's next feat. By Christmas, The Nervey Traveler was a go. So much progress. Still, you won't give Bill Maher a furlough.

Speaker 6:
[55:50] Bill, if you haven't gotten the message, Marlaina just wants just one date. Just give her one date. Go on.

Speaker 4:
[55:58] Livestreams, Nerve Awards, Book Club and more. And of course, there is our rapport.

Speaker 6:
[56:06] Best of all. Can't put a price tag on that.

Speaker 4:
[56:08] Not done. OK. When The Nerve was about to launch and you asked me to join, it became clear that you and I were two sides of the same coin. You've called us twin souls. And I think that's apropos because physically as twins, you're more Arnold and I'm Danny DeVito. In some ways, in some ways we are the same and others we are not. I am a staunch pundamentalist and you an astronaut. Allegedly reported.

Speaker 6:
[56:49] I don't like to brag.

Speaker 4:
[56:52] I like to charcoal my skin. You prefer yours like white rice. And just like Rob Shooter, you and I are both a blend of naughty and nice. Most of our quick calls keep going and going, and neither of us would ever be caught dead saying, anchor in your knowing.

Speaker 6:
[57:15] That's brilliant.

Speaker 4:
[57:18] You wear lots of color and I only wear black. But we both know that Mel Robbins is a total hack. I actually thought I was a wordsmith, but to you, I hail.

Speaker 5:
[57:37] Oh, you're laughing way too hard.

Speaker 6:
[57:39] I'm loving this. I'm so touched.

Speaker 4:
[57:43] But no matter what, we'll always have Oprah and Gail. Okay, Maureen, that is all for right now, but it's certainly not it. So cheers to another year for putting out some top level shit.

Speaker 6:
[58:03] Top level shit. That's how it's done, Timmy C. That's how it's done. We've got to light our cake. You are such a poet, and The Nerve would be lost without Marlaina. I am so happy that you've joined us, that you've come from outside in the production area to the inside. All the troublemakers get to see your beautiful face and everything that you do for The Nerve. She's so right. Often one of us will text the other, hey, you got time for a quick call? Then it's like two hours later.

Speaker 4:
[58:36] Exactly. It's like, oh, I was supposed to be the doctor's appointment, Maureen.

Speaker 6:
[58:40] That's okay. It's okay. Here we go. Right in the center of the nerve. Do you have a lighter? You normally carry a black lighter.

Speaker 4:
[58:48] You stole my black lighter, but then you did. You did. And then I was supposed to put.

Speaker 6:
[58:52] Here comes Tim. He said, I got a lighter. Yes, you do, sir.

Speaker 4:
[58:58] So many Tims.

Speaker 6:
[59:02] Oh, there we go.

Speaker 4:
[59:03] Okay.

Speaker 6:
[59:04] We should make a wish. Do we? I know we're not supposed to say it. All right. We will make our individual wish and Troublemakers out there everywhere. Make a wish with us, please, for year two of The Nerve. One, two, three. Oh, that does it. That does it for this edition of The Nerve at night. We will be back on Friday with a full Nerve. If you haven't already, check out our sub stack at thenerveshow.com. Be sure to subscribe, plus Nerve merch. Grab something for yourself or pick something up for a fellow troublemaker at shopthenerve.com. We will see you back here on Friday for a full episode of The Nerve. Where you will never guess what we're about to say next. We are so becoming over in Gale. Look at this. We're this close to the end of the Maureen and Marlaina Chronicles.

Speaker 4:
[60:02] At the 92nd Streetwide.

Speaker 1:
[60:09] Now is your time to get into a new DR. Horton home by taking advantage of its national Red Tag Sales event going on right now through Sunday, May 3rd. Stop by any of its participating communities and find select Red Tag homes at incredible pricing. So whether you're buying your first home or looking for an upgrade, you don't want to miss the Red Tag Sales event going on right now. Discover the DR. Horton difference. Tap your screen now or visit drhorton.com. DR. Horton, America's builder and equal housing opportunity builder.

Speaker 5:
[60:39] The hottest plate in town right now? Yeah, it's at Applebee's. Applebee's OM Cheeseburger is back, you guys. A juicy bacon cheeseburger coming in hot on a sizzling skillet of even more cheese. Cheese on, cheese on, cheese. I'm telling you, this burger is absolute fire. Head to your nearest Applebee's to try the even cheesier OM Cheeseburger for 11.99 or on the 2 for 25 menu. Dine in only for a limited time. Price and participation varies. No substitutions. Offer valid per person, per order.