transcript

Speaker 1:
[00:00] The word is xylophone.

Speaker 2:
[00:03] Xylophone, X-Y-L-O-P-H-O-N-E, xylophone.

Speaker 1:
[00:12] Correct.

Speaker 3:
[00:13] Next contestant, Daniel Strom.

Speaker 2:
[00:20] The word is business.

Speaker 4:
[00:29] Could you repeat the word, please? Do I have the origin of the word, please? It comes from the Latin phrase, bisnia.

Speaker 1:
[00:54] Business, one's work or employment?

Speaker 4:
[01:01] Could you use it in a sentence, please?

Speaker 2:
[01:06] Business, I'm in the insurance business.

Speaker 5:
[01:13] Could you spell the word, please?

Speaker 2:
[01:18] No.

Speaker 4:
[01:22] Could you repeat the word, please?

Speaker 1:
[01:25] The word is business.

Speaker 4:
[02:42] T-S-D-T-Q-M-P-R-F-T-D-P-D-P-M-H-R-K-T-B-T-F, Business.

Speaker 3:
[02:55] They are sending shockwaves over the airwaves. They are rude and abusive, but want you to listen to them. We are talking about shock jocks, disc jockeys who aren't afraid to say what they think, but the ratings continue to rise, or so they claim.

Speaker 6:
[03:11] For one thing, I have no shame before another mortal. All my shame is between myself and Christ. I never drop my eyes to another human being.

Speaker 7:
[03:20] People have called me the computer voice or the computer lady, and sometimes they think that I'm really a computer, and I don't really mind that. I mean, I've been called worse, so...

Speaker 4:
[03:30] I gotta hand it to you, Kennell.

Speaker 8:
[03:44] Hello, good morning, and welcome, everyone, to a Wednesday edition of TBTL, the show that just might be too beautiful to live.

Speaker 5:
[03:51] Get on the magic carpet and ride.

Speaker 8:
[03:52] My name's Luke Burbank. I'm your host.

Speaker 4:
[03:54] Is it too early to get a fish sandwich?

Speaker 8:
[03:56] Coming to you from the Madrona Hill Studio, perched high above the mighty Columbia, where it's just absolutely storming out there. Rain is... Didn't know you liked to get wet, though. It's not going sideways anymore, so we're gonna call that an improvement. It was one of those mornings where I had to steal myself to run from my house out here to the Madrona Hill Studio, because it was that unpleasant. But now I'm here, I'm inside, I've got my cup of coffee, and I'm ready to party with the best of them and bring you all episode 4711 in a collector's series.

Speaker 6:
[04:35] Let the fun begin.

Speaker 8:
[04:37] Three guys in California are going to be doing some jail time because of an insurance scheme that they ran that was looking back on it.

Speaker 4:
[04:47] That's just absolute stupidity.

Speaker 8:
[04:49] It had a low probability of success. We will get into that story. Also, great news, America. I'm back, baby! I'm back on the list of famous Albanian Americans thanks to listener Chad, who was instrumental in getting me back on the Wikipedia page. We're going to take a look. I haven't actually looked at it yet. I just saw an email about it, but I'm going to go take a look later and we're going to experience it together and it's like for me to bask in the warm spotlight of attention that is being one of the more famous Albanian Americans out there. This guy is one of the more famous cobros out there. In fact, he's the longest running cobro of this program. Oh my God!

Speaker 2:
[05:33] He made it!

Speaker 8:
[05:34] May be best known for his depictions of the tall ships. He's Andrew Walsh and he's joining me right now. Good morning, my friend.

Speaker 5:
[05:41] J-K-P-T-Y-C-V... I'm sorry, I got that drop stuck in my head. Thank you.

Speaker 8:
[05:53] I have thoughts about that sketch. That's of course the great Will Forte on SNL. And then I think Chris Parnell with an underrated performance per always.

Speaker 5:
[06:02] Yes, a very limited dry performance.

Speaker 8:
[06:06] But what I've always wondered about with that sketch is, did they write all of those letters out on the cue cards for Will Forte? And was he reading those letters or was he just trying to make up a string of letters? Because that could actually prove to be harder than you might think, right?

Speaker 5:
[06:25] Well, yeah, well, it's funny you should ask because I was practicing it while my mic was down because I knew I was going to fade up. You know, by the way, we did sort of skip over the fact that we just made TBTL history. I believe that was the first time in 4711 episodes that I did a fade up on my own voice when you introduced me. I was a big deal.

Speaker 8:
[06:48] Remember, it was a long time ago now, by which would be a few years, but I feel like not a few years. There was something going on with your mic like a while ago.

Speaker 5:
[06:56] Oh yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 8:
[06:57] Yeah, but a year ago or before you got this fancy, fancy machine that you're using now.

Speaker 5:
[07:02] Well, it was happening. I think that was a cable issue.

Speaker 8:
[07:04] Yeah, but I thought I literally thought I didn't realize you were going to do a fade up. I didn't realize you were going to go all the way from the Mazzy Star and fade into me. And so I thought, oh no, Andrew's Mike is doing that funny stuff again. And then I realized, oh no, Andrew's doing that funny stuff again.

Speaker 5:
[07:21] And it was such a good bit, too. People are still talking about it. And that was like three minutes ago. I'm also writing Fade Into Luke is a possible show title, just in case I'm feeling lazy after the show. It's always nice to have something to fall back onto.

Speaker 8:
[07:35] Yeah, and then usually something better presents itself. I know what you mean. It's nice to have a safety net of an idea. But yeah, I wonder for that sketch, if they made somebody actually, like if they were down to the granular level of what letters Will Forte would say, because he says Q a bunch of times.

Speaker 5:
[07:53] Yeah, that's the only part that I think that he probably knew. Here's my guess. And I don't know Will personally. I mean, we travel in sort of the same circles, obviously.

Speaker 8:
[08:03] I'd welcome the opportunity, but...

Speaker 5:
[08:05] Yeah, he is really, really great. By the way, I always have trouble remembering him. And there's Will Forte and there's Bill Hader. And usually Bill Hader is... Usually when I see either one of them, I have to say, oh, he was the guy in Barry. And today, like this sketch, which you played for me years ago, popped up into my Tikitakis. And I was like, oh yeah, which one is this? And I said, oh, he's the guy from Barry. It's Bill Hader. And then I looked at him more, I'm like, he's not. He's Jenna Maroney's boyfriend in 30 Rock. And I know his name isn't Bill, but I know that it sounds like Bill. And then I remembered it was Will and Will Forte. And now I've got a whole, I think I've got a whole brain path now of remembering both of their names, which is quite a achievement for me. I know the bar is low. No, that is good.

Speaker 8:
[08:52] I don't want to, I don't want to like further complicate things, but you also got to add to the list, not that they look very similar, but like you got Will Ferrell, who's SNL famous. Will Ferrell, Will Forte, both from SNL. Luckily, they're different enough looking, but then you've got Bill Hader. When you mentioned Bill Hader for some reason, it just reminded me of Bill Hader being interviewed on Jiminy Glick, which then reminded me of something, which was really great, because Bill Hader, the theme of Bill Hader is he just seems like the most, like, un, well, how do I put it? Like, he just seems like the sweetest, most kind of like self-effacing guy. Anytime I see him interviewed, he's always just like, he's a really, you know what it is? He's a really quick laugh.

Speaker 5:
[09:38] Oh, yeah.

Speaker 8:
[09:38] Which from a funny person is just such a, it's such a gift, because a lot of times somebody is funny, you know, their sort of comedy brain is warring along at a pretty high rate of speed, and maybe they're not the easiest laugh. Maybe they're a tougher laugh, because they're kind of next level with their humor. Bill Hader, in every interview I've ever seen him doing, he's just such a generous laugher.

Speaker 5:
[09:58] I love that.

Speaker 8:
[09:58] Which I just love. I mean, honestly, it's...

Speaker 5:
[10:01] The thing you like most about me?

Speaker 8:
[10:04] Well, I wish you would do it more, is what I'm really trying to say. See, just like that, sir. No, but so I was thinking of Bill Hader being interviewed by Jiminy Glick the other day, but then what it really reminded me of, and I know this is like a kind of a tangent, but you know, what can I say? It's Roku Wednesday. Follow up to the hit Roku Tuesday.

Speaker 5:
[10:22] It's Roku Red's Day.

Speaker 8:
[10:24] It's Roku Red's Day. Can I just play you? I don't know if this is going to pay off, but I recently saw a Jiminy Glick interview with Sean Hayes. Sean Hayes is, of course, famous from Will and Grace, and now he's part of the Smart List podcast, and he's been in a million other things, but those are like the two, I think, things he might be most well known for. You know who Sean Hayes is? Yeah, yeah, sure. Okay. This was him being interviewed. I think it was when Martin Short, as Jiminy Glick was filling in for Jimmy Kimmel, I believe he might have been legit hosting the show in the summertime. It's a really good idea. Now, here's the thing. What I saw was a condensed version of this interview, and it had what I thought were some of the better Jiminy Glick moments. I don't know how to find that condensed version. So what I have here is like the four-minute version. We do not have to watch the full four-minute version. But can I play you just a little bit of Jiminy Glick interviewing Sean Hayes?

Speaker 5:
[11:16] Can you just remind me the era though? Is this like within the past year or this going back?

Speaker 8:
[11:20] It talks about SmartList, so it's in... That podcast is in existence and is popular. So I would say this is in the last couple of years. It looks based on... I'm just looking at a freeze frame of Sean Hayes right now. But it looks... And it starts with Sean Hayes is in the interview room and Jiminy Glick is not yet there. And Sean Hayes is kind of checking his watch. And let's just see.

Speaker 4:
[11:48] Oh, you're hungry. I'm sorry. I have a big celebrity coming to sit here in a second, but I think I ordered a club sandwich covered in stevia. Ah, you go. I think you may have a mistake.

Speaker 8:
[12:03] I'm actually the person you're supposed to interview. My name is Sean Hayes.

Speaker 4:
[12:08] You're Sean Hayes?

Speaker 2:
[12:09] Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh my God, have you had work done?

Speaker 5:
[12:12] No.

Speaker 4:
[12:13] You're an unrecognizable person. I've actually had no work done.

Speaker 5:
[12:17] Well, anyway, I love you.

Speaker 4:
[12:18] I'm sorry. I don't recognize you at all because of the cosmetic surgery, but this is gonna be fun. Now, would you ever do a sitcom? Excuse me.

Speaker 7:
[12:33] Yeah, I was on a sitcom called Will and Grace.

Speaker 4:
[12:34] With Tony Danson.

Speaker 3:
[12:35] No, that was Who's The Best.

Speaker 4:
[12:37] See, that was a good one.

Speaker 5:
[12:39] Yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 4:
[12:40] And it was successful.

Speaker 5:
[12:41] Yes.

Speaker 4:
[12:42] But Will and Grace. Yes. What was it about? It was about, as I understand it, a gal on the go and a dude, but they never did the deed because he was different. Well, he was gay, Will was gay, and his friend Jack that I played as gay. Are you okay? Oh, my God. Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 3:
[12:58] But this was a lot of intelligence.

Speaker 8:
[13:00] This was intelligence.

Speaker 4:
[13:00] Well, you know what? This is why Trump's gonna win. I would love a doughnut.

Speaker 8:
[13:09] What I'm realizing is Jiminy Glick is more visual than I think I thought it was. Because he's just doing these like the cutaway or not even the cutaways. Yeah, the cutaways to the expressions that Martin Short is making are really where the comedy is. I think what sold me on it too was he sits down. And of course, the joke is that he thinks that Sean Hayes is just like a production person on the shoot. He says, I'm going to be interviewing someone really famous. But I did put in a lunch order. It's a club sandwich covered in stevia. A club sandwich covered in stevia is one of the funniest things I have heard in like two years to be for some reason. But I'm sorry that didn't pay off.

Speaker 5:
[13:48] Oh, no, I thought I think it was great. I know for real, I was really enjoying that. It's funny to bring this up, though, that aspect of it, because I really do not mean to take this to no fun town. I am glad that Jiminy Glick is still a going concern, but I am kind of surprised about the food stuff, because I don't think it's... I mean, listen, I'm not the person who should be speaking on this necessarily, but I don't think it's necessarily bad for a skinny person to necessarily play a larger person, but is the joke that he's fat and are the jokes that, look, I eat too much. I'm a food monster. And like that, and that's why when he made the joke about food, I was like, oh, I didn't remember that being part of Jiminy Glick. I remember him being, yes, a fat guy. But I read something online that I think is a truism that goes back a long time that most people probably heard of, and I don't think I had heard it put this way before. But it was actually somebody responding to something that Gavin Newsom posted, of people. And basically, he was calling out some terrible, terrible person, some MAGA person. But he basically was just making a joke about him being gay, like being on Grindr or something. And I don't think there's any rumors of this person being gay or anything. It was just like Gavin Newsom was just Gavin Newsom-ing up. And some people were like, oh, sick burn. And I was immediately like, is it a sick burn to imply that somebody is gay? And then somebody wrote underneath it, like if the full joke is just woman or gay, like there's nothing more to it. It's just like you are woman or you are gay. It's not joke. Why am I talking like caveman? But it's not a joke.

Speaker 8:
[15:24] I actually think that's funny. If it's woman or gay, it's not a joke.

Speaker 5:
[15:27] It's not a joke. And I would include fat in that too. Like if you feel like you're parodying a certain kind of talk show host who would fit this, like I think there's an argument to be made there. But if Jiminy Glick's character is also just kind of like, I'm big fat man who shovels food in face. I don't love that. I don't love...

Speaker 8:
[15:45] Well, yeah. What I would say about that is that, for first of all, it's a good point. I'm also not the person who's in a, as we say, bigger body. So I, you know, I can only, like I don't want to speak for somebody who has different feelings about the Jiminy Glick character. I will say that like him eating a doughnut is the least funny thing that he does to me. So I guess what I would say is the look is not critical to the comedy for me. In other words, I don't think I, how do I put it? If Jiminy Glick would have been just Martin Short, but not in that fat suit, I would still think it was very, very funny. Now maybe that invalidates the whole thing because that is, initially, I do think that was somewhat of the bit, but I think there's another, well, you want to talk, it's a real double threat because I think that's also the joke is that he's closeted, he's a closeted gay man because he's always talking about his wife, his affect is very...

Speaker 5:
[16:40] But see, the joke there isn't just, he's gay, the joke there is he is gay, I gave man, he gay.

Speaker 8:
[16:48] Sure title?

Speaker 5:
[16:49] I could just see, probably not. I could just see, and again, I'm not even making these arguments and I want to make it very clear to you, I am not saying we need to cancel this character and I couldn't agree with you more that the funny stuff about Jiminy Glick has nothing to do with the shape of his body, it's how he acts. And I'm saying that if there is an argument about him being a closeted gay man who is in this body, the humor would be because it's a parody of a certain stereotype or trope in the entertainment industry and the joke is about how just sort of facile he is and shallow and self-obsessed and all those things. And to sell the character, we're just putting it, that's fine. But if it kind of keeps coming and the fact that it's kind of like, oh, I'm referring to, and again, let me just say one more time, I'm not making the judgment on these things. I'm just saying the thoughts that are going through my head is somebody who is not speaking on behalf of anything or making the quote unquote rules here. But I sort of think you can make an argument that like, oh, this is a complicated character with this backstory and so therefore, it's kind of funny when he mentions his wife because of the context around it.

Speaker 8:
[17:53] Corky Sinclair in Guffman when he's talking about, he ran into someone in the women's department of the store because he does all the shopping for his wife.

Speaker 5:
[18:02] Right. I don't think that the joke there is just like, this guy is gay. It's more complicated. Whereas if it's just like, hey, look, I'm eating my feelings because I'm a fat man, then you're like...

Speaker 8:
[18:14] It's kind of too bad that that was how the character was launched because now there's no undoing it. And like, or I mean, I, you know, and like again, I think that the stuff about the Jiminy Glick character that makes me laugh has nothing to do with the physicality of it. And like I said, the fact that there's always a plate of donuts next to him and all that stuff is like, it would have been better. It would have been a better scenario if the character would have been launched as Martin Short with that same hair and those same glasses, but he's just like Martin Short.

Speaker 5:
[18:43] Yeah. Which is still kind of funny too, because he's kind of funny.

Speaker 8:
[18:47] Totally. Just do like just all of the same jokes, minus, and by the way, how about you're still eating donuts, but you're just Martin Short?

Speaker 5:
[18:53] Yeah.

Speaker 8:
[18:54] Just leave out, it is kind of easy, and yeah, it's too bad because it is not central to my enjoyment of the character. How about that? This is where I get to the real reason I brought up Jiminy Glick for absolutely no reason today, Andrew, so I could do my humble brag that I like to do, which is the time when I was on stage with Martin Short being interviewed, and he was the character of Jiminy Glick.

Speaker 5:
[19:17] Oh yeah. What was the context?

Speaker 8:
[19:19] It was at the Paramount. Martin Short was touring. He was touring like a one-man show, and one part of his show, he was not Jiminy Glick the entire time. He was in character, he was himself, he was different characters, he did a bunch of different stuff, but he at some point leaves the stage, and then he comes back as Jiminy Glick, and he interviews a local notable person in the style of Jiminy Glick, and apparently, they couldn't find any local notable people, so they couldn't find Moss back. I mean, seriously, they literally asked me either the day of the show or the night before, which indicated to me, Gene Enerson had fallen through. You know what I mean? It was definitely not, I was not there first, they suddenly realized I was not, Pat O'Day had fallen through. Like, this was bottom of the barrel type of stuff, and so they reached out to me, and I was like, are you kidding me right now? Like, this is incredible.

Speaker 5:
[20:19] And the fact that you can just be yourself, you don't have to, I mean, I'm sure you were nervous, or maybe you weren't, but you can tell me, but it's not like they at the last minute said, can you interview this person, and you have to do all the prep for it. You just, I assume, had to be up there and just be game and answer his questions?

Speaker 8:
[20:36] That was the problem, though. The problem ultimately that I learned was, and this has happened to me, I can't think of the example, but I know this has happened to me at least one other time where my job is to be the straight person. And it's not that I'm so funny and so brimming with comedy all the time, but it was actually way harder than I thought because I had to really stifle the urge to try to make jokes. Or my job was to be, was again, to be the straight person and to be the sort of foil for the Jiminy Glick character. And I didn't know how to be on stage and not be trying to get in on the action a little bit or throw in my jokes. But again, it's like, that's not your job when you're being interviewed by that character. So it actually put me, I was way worse at it than I wanted to be. I found it to be more challenging than I thought it was going to be. I also was nervous. I got to go meet Martin Short before the show, which was actually pretty cool, too, like he was in his dressing room. Literally, it's one of those dressing rooms with all of the bulbs in the square around him. Every time I'm in a dressing room that has one of those, I feel like I'm in a movie about my life, and I'm like, am I pretty, mama?

Speaker 4:
[21:49] That's literally what I was going to say.

Speaker 5:
[21:51] You're putting on lipstick saying, do you love me now, mommy?

Speaker 8:
[21:53] Yeah, it's like it's finally, but they ushered me in. I got to meet him. He was, of course, extremely nice. The other thing was about these kinds of, again, on the rare occasion when I get to do something like at this level, the thing that always kills me is that they're going to introduce me on to this stage and no one in this room is going to know who I am. No one in this theater is going to know who I am. And the idea is Jiminy Glick is interviewing a local celebrity. And then when they bring the local celebrity out, it's not a person who they know locally. I hate that. I hate being introduced with the expectation that the people in the room know who I am, unless we're talking about like Wait Wait or certainly a TBTL thing. But if it's not like Live Wire, Wait Wait or TBTL, there is almost no chance that the people in the room are going to be like, Oh my God, it's the Luke Burbank. That just gives me such a bad feeling. The other thing, and this is really where I'm going with this, was because this was a stage show, it's a traveling production, it's not for television, it's not being filmed close up. He didn't have the real Jiminy makeup. He had this weird mask that they put on him. This goes to the fat suit part of it, that just had a hole cut out for his regular mouth.

Speaker 5:
[23:10] The audience didn't pick up on it or he just didn't care?

Speaker 8:
[23:12] It was too far away.

Speaker 5:
[23:13] Yeah, okay, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 8:
[23:14] I think it would have been too hard, well, it would have been probably too hard and too expensive to fully make him up and then unmake him. Because remember, this was just one part of this show. This wasn't the entirety of the show. It had to be something where he could run off stage, they could play a clip of something, and then put him in this much less convincing when you were up close to it.

Speaker 5:
[23:36] Yeah, that actually sounds a little bit horrifying, honestly.

Speaker 8:
[23:39] It was pretty uncanny. So just imagine me, I'm on stage. I'm a bundle of nerves because it's Martin Short and also the Jiminy Glick character, which I am really, really fond of the bit, and he's talking to me through this weird mouth hole, and I could tell I'm doing bad at it.

Speaker 5:
[23:57] Yeah, I understand it being hard to just like, especially because you have a... I think you and I both have this tendency, but you're in a position to do it a lot more, and you're way, way, way more of a showman, obviously, than I am. But that idea of just like your instinct is always to keep the needles moving. I mean, the things that you're asked to do, whether it's a relatively small venue where you're MCing something, I don't know if that's the right term, or doing something on stage for one of your productions or whatever, on a much bigger sort of platform. Like, I think your instinct is like, and well honed for a reason to not just keep the needles moving, but to keep people laughing, to keep smiles on the face. And I could see why that would be hard to be turned off, especially when you're on stage. And I will say, G Scott would have killed it. So, that's too bad.

Speaker 8:
[24:50] Yeah. We've called Ursula Royteen. We've called Jake Scorheim. We've called Spike and The Impalers. Did you tell that I was on the Kiro website the other day? Every once, I mean, this is really like a once in a year kind of a thing. This is going to sound, you know, this is going to sound like I'm trying to be dismissive of the radio station that we used to work at and where my brother currently works. And where some good friends of mine work still and people I like. It really isn't this is, I do not mean and where TBTL got its start and where the Andrew Walsh show once reside.

Speaker 5:
[25:27] And where the Andrew Walsh show got its start.

Speaker 8:
[25:29] Yes.

Speaker 5:
[25:30] And it's and where the Andrew Walsh show got its end, who can forget when the Andrew Walsh show got its end.

Speaker 8:
[25:42] But like, but like I go through long stretches, forgetting that they're still, they're still doing a significant, like hours of locally produced talk radio on that station. I think it must have been, something must have burbled up in my local media diet or something. Maybe it was a mention somewhere else about like, you know, a host on Cairo radio. But it's just, you know, I guess it's because life moves on for everyone. And my life is, you know, it is what it is now. And I'm doing the stuff I'm doing with you. And it's like, it's wild to me to go over there and look at the lineup and see G and Ursula holding it down from nine to noon. And that's not a commentary about anyone's broadcast abilities. It's just kind of like, I just forget for like months and months at a time that every day people are going into that radio station where you and I used to work and sitting at the desks we used to sit at and going in. And hearing the news and then coming, you know, coming in when it's time to talk at the top of the hour and forward promoting and all of that is still happening over there. And even though I think a lot of the content has skewed in a direction that is not really my taste and isn't really my worldview. On some level, I'm happy it's still happening. I'm happy that there is local talk radio being produced because boy, is that ever a boy, is that a dying art? I mean, that is really, really, really an endangered species at this point. So, of course, I wish that, again, I wish some of the takes were different, but I'm glad it's still happening, I guess.

Speaker 5:
[27:15] Yeah, me too, because once that goes away, like, did they finally outsource the night show? No, they're still producing in local night shows. Are they? Or maybe not, maybe not.

Speaker 8:
[27:24] I think the night show is done.

Speaker 5:
[27:25] See, and now that'll never come back.

Speaker 8:
[27:26] You ruined it.

Speaker 5:
[27:28] If you're happy.

Speaker 8:
[27:29] Actually, you know what? I think they might play like Jason Rantz at night. I think they might rebroadcast.

Speaker 5:
[27:34] From the from the conservative station?

Speaker 8:
[27:36] No, I think I'm wrong about that.

Speaker 5:
[27:37] Yeah, I hadn't heard that. But anyway, yeah. But yeah, once you start giving up that real estate, if you start like having to be a national blowhard or, you know, some sort of pay for play programming or something like that, you're just you're probably never clawing that back. That's why I thought it was even when, you know, I did have that one year of hosting my show there, which, you know, me, I was never I was hosting TBTL. Actually, I was never like proud of that, but it was like I was proud of the station for at least keeping somebody. You know, it was me on the air.

Speaker 8:
[28:06] Can I can I let's see, can I give them a little credit actually? Are they the folks over at Cairo? Well, the seven to ten slot is not local, but it is not the worst programming. It's national, but from seven to eight is something called The Takeout with Major Garrett. Now, Major Garrett is the CBS political. He's the CBS News political guy. And he's actually, you know, he's a he's a legit journalist. He's a legit down the middle guy. John Dickerson follows him up.

Speaker 5:
[28:35] What?

Speaker 8:
[28:35] 8 to 9 prime time with John Dickerson.

Speaker 5:
[28:37] I love John Dickerson.

Speaker 8:
[28:38] Yeah. John Dickerson, 8 to 9 on Kiro at Night.

Speaker 5:
[28:42] Again, these are radio show because I used to listen to him all the time on, you know, the gab fest thing. I would tell you.

Speaker 8:
[28:47] Yeah. It's late political gab fest is the best.

Speaker 5:
[28:49] Another CBS guy, right?

Speaker 8:
[28:51] Well, yeah, he stepped away from he was he was he was big on CBS on the weekends and on and then he was co anchoring the evening news. That was an experiment that, you know, didn't really work out. Not that not that the Tony DeCople experiment is exactly, you know, topping the charts right now in terms of ratings. But so he stepped away from doing the the evening news stuff. I think probably before they decided to shake it up anyway. He saw the writing on the wall and then I on the work from nine to ten. I on the world with John Batchelor. They're just basically playing some pretty down the middle CBS News and CBS Radio content, which I gotta give them credit on that. It's not a three hour estate planning, elder care, law tigers for men ad, you know what I mean? Like this is weirdly reassuring to me that this is the programming actually.

Speaker 5:
[29:43] It's also weird to hear this news after that really. I don't think we addressed it on the show, but I know a lot of listeners were kind of concerned about the fact that there were some pretty major layoffs and cutbacks at CBS Radio a couple of weeks ago.

Speaker 8:
[29:55] They ended it.

Speaker 5:
[29:56] They ended it. I knew that they ended the newsroom, but these shows that you just listed, assuming that that's not an old schedule you're looking at, those must be being produced by CBS. You just mentioned this before the show. Is that TV audio that they're repurposing for radio, do you think, or are they podcasts or something?

Speaker 8:
[30:18] The John Batchelor Show, johnbatchelorshow.com, that one looks very... I would say the URL is not super functional right now, but it's cbsaudio.com apparently, and he's wearing a bow tie. He looks very Charles Osgood, and he's in front of a radio mic, which makes me think the thing they're playing from 9 to 10 seems like it's a radio show being generated by CBS News, and the Dickerson thing looks like maybe it's a TV or internet TV thing that's being repurposed. And I think the major Garrett thing is... I can't quite tell if that's... I think that might be audio only. It's hard to know, but yeah, they got what CBS got rid of, and I'm really bummed about it is the CBS News, radio news division that was producing the top of the hour newscast. Of course, you know it, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum. I mean, that is the freaking soundtrack of my childhood. I was also a weird kid who was listening to AM Talk Radio and AM News Radio, but that top of the hour CBS News, six minute block or whatever, that's what is going away, because I guess there just wasn't any money to be made in it, and who knows how big the staff was producing that, but that's what the CBS News bosses, my bosses decided was an expendable thing, so they got rid of that.

Speaker 5:
[31:38] Yeah, that's a bummer. You associate with childhood, and you know this about me, I was speaking of me, Andrew Walsh, I associated very much with like, I'm about to go live, right? Because that was the top of the hour news. And so I had this exact same microphone stand and set up in that studio, and so it always, and you know me, I'm always messing with this thing way too much, it's a nervous tick I have, but when you're getting ready to go live, and you're waiting for that, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, whatever theme song that was the Andrew.

Speaker 8:
[32:34] The thing that I'm hearing happening in my brain there is me lamenting that things aren't the way that they used to be, but things always change, and new cool stuff does happen, and the new cool stuff becomes the thing that people are used to. There was a period of time where radio didn't exist at all, and I don't know, we were gathering in the town square. Somebody was like, oh, we never gather in the town square anymore. We never gather to hear proclamations read as we used to, because now they're printing everything. Fee! Fee upon all this printing. Now people are just in their homes reading printed material. You know what I mean? I know that I'm caught up in my version of that, and yet it feels deeply personal to be that I can't turn on the radio and hear the kind of stuff that I used to hear across the radio dial.

Speaker 5:
[33:22] Yeah. And again, not to expand this too far out, but it reminds me a little bit of like, when I get angry at old school comedians, even just say you're Jerry Seinfeld, say like, well, comedy just can't thrive in this environment. And it's kind of like, comedy is thriving. I get on my phone and I flip through TikTok and I'm laughing my ass off. It just doesn't look like what it used to look like to you.

Speaker 8:
[33:44] Yes, exactly. So I have to try to hold on to that. In my own mind, when I get into like lamentation mode of the fact that I don't get to hear Bill Yend anymore or Larry Nelson, those are a couple of school. Those are for the old heads out there. That remember the old dates of Seattle Radio. But yeah, you know, I guess that's life.

Speaker 4:
[34:07] We was hoping for some razzle dazzle.

Speaker 8:
[34:09] Razzle dazzle.

Speaker 5:
[34:10] That's right, man.

Speaker 4:
[34:11] Razzle dazzle.

Speaker 8:
[34:12] On your mark. All right, let's thank some dazzling donors. We don't have, unfortunately, that law tigers for men money.

Speaker 5:
[34:28] And so I'm working the phones, by the way. I don't know if that's a passive aggressive swipe at me because I haven't landed. Yeah. No, I'm working the phones. I'm making the phone calls. I exhausted all of those contacts and all those leads you gave me. And I, by the way, I just can't do anything with these Glenn Gary leads. Yeah.

Speaker 8:
[34:46] They just like to talk to salesmen. I did everything I could, by the way, to work the PE angle on it, the personal experience, what with all the divorces.

Speaker 5:
[34:57] Oh, sure.

Speaker 8:
[34:58] That's why you went through that. I mean, I'd be the ideal on-air spokesperson for Law Tigers for Men. I could, you know, that they'd send those around. They'd be like, does anybody have a PE on this? Does anybody, has anybody been through whatever this thing is that we're trying to, you know, the salesperson is trying to sell? Does anybody need to buy a car?

Speaker 5:
[35:15] You know, sometimes they actually just put you in that position. Like, well, I wasn't really in the market for a machine that mixes cocktails in under 30 seconds or whatever, but sure, I'll give a shot.

Speaker 8:
[35:25] Don't call it a Keurig.

Speaker 5:
[35:28] What if you actually, who makes it? Keurig. What if somebody actually said, oh, okay, yeah, or like siding, or these home improvements? Sometimes I can tell, like, Mike Salk had some work done on his house because he had to for the PE., a personal experience. What if you just said, okay, I'll get a divorce. I'll kick the tie. Yeah. I mean, lawtigersformen.net.

Speaker 8:
[35:50] Sure. Can we tie these in though? Can I'll do the divorce if you can sign a deal also with a hair transplant place and a male enhancement service. So when I come out of this marriage, I really hit the ground running.

Speaker 5:
[36:06] And guys, she'll like it too.

Speaker 8:
[36:09] I'll tell you what, Andrew, I am so glad this is you're the only one on earth who would even mildly appreciate or understand this joke, it's you. I'm just really glad that Aaron Goldsmith, for once, listened to Gary Hill Jr. about having worked on this fireplace.

Speaker 5:
[36:27] You know what? Oh, I can't do it. I can't get into it. You were saying before that how nice it is to have somebody quick with a laugh. And I agree with that. And I also think I am.

Speaker 8:
[36:36] That laugh is rough, though, in that commercial.

Speaker 5:
[36:38] Yes. And the thing is, Aaron has a very natural recognizable laugh. But in that commercial, you can just tell how forced it is.

Speaker 8:
[36:46] And it bums me out because it makes you wonder how many others are kind of one of the guys from the Mariners broadcast team has been doing ads for a couple of years for this fireplace company. And talking about how they did the fireplaces at his house. And now this year, they clearly reached out to Aaron Goldsmith, the other guy and got somehow convinced him to have his fireplace built or fixed by them. But the premise of the commercial is kind of like Gary Hill Jr. has just been whinging at Aaron Goldsmith off air about this fireplace place for years. And finally, he broke him down and he agreed to let them come to his house and do some fireplace work. It's more backstory than I need about their fireplace related dynamic, I think.

Speaker 5:
[37:28] Yeah. And he said, if I don't get a fireplace from this place, I'll be sorry.

Speaker 8:
[37:34] So because we don't have any of those income streams, we have to rely on listener donations. That's how this whole thing works. Once a year, we have the TBTL-a-thon. We get on the air. We ask folks to continue supporting the show or maybe support the show for the first time. And they do. And that's how we get paid to do this as our job five days a week. And it's thanks to folks like Travis Spokes, who's all the way out there in White Plains, New York.

Speaker 5:
[38:01] Hey Travis, thank you for being a dazzler.

Speaker 8:
[38:05] Travis has been supporting the show and a part of the community for years and years and years. Travis says, hey friendos, I just want to thanks, just want to say thanks to the business boys for another year of parasocial friendships, garbage talk, occasional impromptu, no point conversions, and of course, the calming influence of John's impeccable radio voice. See that one feels, that feels astroturfed.

Speaker 5:
[38:30] How do you mean? You feel like Travis is laying it on a little thick?

Speaker 8:
[38:34] Well, why is that in a different font than the rest of Travis' email? I feel like John might have cut in paper.

Speaker 5:
[38:39] I see what you're saying.

Speaker 8:
[38:41] I feel like this might be our colleague, John Sklaroff, TBTL employee numero uno, just wanting to remind us that he is also popular with the listeners.

Speaker 5:
[38:50] It is funny because it goes on and says, John's calming influence or the calming influence of John's impeccable radio voice, and then it says parenthetically, and his beefcake bod. Yeah, that's what really seems like this.

Speaker 8:
[39:02] I don't know what's worse, if Travis wrote that about John's bod, or if John lied in the message and put his own. I'm almost more comfortable with John putting that in than Travis commenting on John's body. Yeah. What's funny about this is that, well, I'll just read ahead here. I'd like to end with a request to hear some classic drops. I need me some slabjacking with a side of Priceless Granite. Here we are today, Andrew. We've been talking endlessly about the radio station we used to work at and about the ads on the station, etc. And that's what Travis is requesting, is a couple of classic little drops that are pulled from actual radio commercials that would air during our show, when it was a radio show, including slabjacking. And, of course, Priceless Granite.

Speaker 5:
[39:53] Wow, it's been a while. Now, don't we...

Speaker 8:
[39:56] It's been a while.

Speaker 5:
[39:57] I'm putting you on the spot, and you might not have it easily in reach. But did Jen Andrews also record a Priceless Granite, or was that a bit you guys did on the show?

Speaker 8:
[40:08] No, no, she did. But the problem is, let me see if I can find... I don't know if I ever had this. They had her playing, I think they had... I think there was at least two commercials that were airing, where she was just basically a kind of an actor in the commercial.

Speaker 5:
[40:28] Okay.

Speaker 8:
[40:29] Like something had happened, and then like, you know what I mean? So I think that it was like, it was she wasn't, I don't believe, I don't believe she was singing the Priceless Granite jingle, because that was, of course, that was this guy.

Speaker 5:
[40:42] I see something.

Speaker 8:
[40:43] But I feel like she was in a commercial saying like, the water heater is broken. And then I think she might have also been, I think she might have been in a Priceless Granite spot as well saying something, but not as Jen, not like-

Speaker 5:
[40:55] She doesn't sing, huh? Cause I thought that she loved-

Speaker 8:
[40:57] I thought she did. She sang in a different commercial.

Speaker 5:
[40:59] Okay.

Speaker 8:
[40:59] It wasn't a Priceless Granite. I think it was a windows commercial, a commercial for window replacement.

Speaker 5:
[41:04] Okay.

Speaker 8:
[41:05] Let me see if I'm- Listen, I'm going to try to find this right now. Jen talks- TBTL Jen Jingle, Jen birthday theme, Quiet Jen.

Speaker 5:
[41:16] I hope that's Jen being quiet, not you saying quiet Jen.

Speaker 8:
[41:18] Let's see what this is.

Speaker 6:
[41:19] It seems to me that no matter how much he enjoys power, it would seem like if he has an opportunity to leave with his head held high to go on to some new lofty thing, that maybe he would be willing to do that.

Speaker 5:
[41:33] She's talking about how the Andrew Walsh show got its end.

Speaker 8:
[41:35] Yes. Absolutely. Let's see. TBTL, Jen Jingle. I can't imagine. This is what we're looking for, but let's just see what it is.

Speaker 2:
[41:45] You'll love TBTL until it starts to sing.

Speaker 8:
[41:56] That was the Jen singing. I mean, that was us. Let's see. That was a spoof.

Speaker 5:
[42:00] They spoofed the lyrics. Those were listeners spoofing the lyrics, but yeah, that was-

Speaker 8:
[42:03] It was until it starts to leak. I think it was. I'm so sorry that I don't have the original. Maybe this might be a job for the Marsupial Gurgle website.

Speaker 5:
[42:13] I've been on Marsupial Gurgle. That's why I played that other one before.

Speaker 8:
[42:17] I think it was for a window company, and I believe that Jen's line was, she sang the word something to the effect of until it starts to leak.

Speaker 5:
[42:28] I was looking up the Jen stuff before. Now I'm just looking up the word leak, and unfortunately I'm not finding anything with Jen. I'm just finding a lot of me. When I laugh, my face starts to leak. Oh, look, I said the same thing again. When I laugh, I leak. Let's see, I have so many, there are so many instances of me explaining that I leak from my face. No, I just leak from my face a lot when you make me laugh.

Speaker 8:
[42:54] When I laugh, I leak. Still laughing at it.

Speaker 5:
[42:59] Oh, what's going on?

Speaker 8:
[43:00] All right, what are we doing? Travis wraps things up by saying, cheers to you guys and all the tens. Power out. Well, cheers to you, Travis.

Speaker 5:
[43:11] I tend to leak from the facial area when I'm doing a podcast. That's all I ever talk about according to Marsupial Gurgle. I'm sorry, when I laugh, my face starts to leak. I don't know why that is. This is my only bit.

Speaker 8:
[43:25] I leaked. Andrew, please, close the browser, look away from the computer. No good comes. This is why, and again, could not appreciate the work from our friend Lynn Pham more on the Marsupial Gurgle website. But for me personally, it is not a place that I can visit because-

Speaker 5:
[43:43] I laugh a lot, I love a lot, and I leak a lot. Yeah.

Speaker 8:
[43:46] Live, laugh, leak.

Speaker 5:
[43:48] Live, laugh, leak. Do we have a show called Live, laugh, leak? Anyway.

Speaker 8:
[43:52] Where I could go to Marsupial Gurgle and do a similar search for my- and by the way, for what it's worth, if you would have said to me, hey, what are some go-to's or what are things that tend to come up in a repetitive way? I wouldn't, that wouldn't even been on my list. There are other things you would repeat way more.

Speaker 5:
[44:08] You'll keep it to yourself, but-

Speaker 8:
[44:09] No, but you know what I mean? If you were to say that like tomorrow, my eyes are leaking because I'm laughing, I wouldn't be like, there he goes again. There you go again. You know what I mean? Your sense of like, man, I've said that a lot over 4700 times. It feels like a lot when you condense it into five discrete moments, but it's spread out amongst thousands of shows. I would rather die than see what comes back under certain search terms.

Speaker 5:
[44:38] Yeah, I won't do it. I promise you I won't do it. Please, please, please don't. I beg of you. Will you tell me? I won't do it. I've already closed that tab, but will you tell me the search term that makes you shudder the most to think about it?

Speaker 8:
[44:51] Oh, I mean...

Speaker 5:
[44:52] You don't have to do this if you don't want to.

Speaker 8:
[44:54] We have more definitely known this. I'm trying to think of what... I mean, the problem is, if I ask you for advice, then that's going to hurt my feelings.

Speaker 5:
[45:03] Yeah, no, I'm not waiting on this.

Speaker 8:
[45:06] Yeah, you're saying you're going to slowly back away from the topic all together.

Speaker 5:
[45:12] No, I already put you on the spot. I brought this up, and if I'm already making you uncomfortable, I'm certainly not going to suggest any.

Speaker 8:
[45:17] I'm trying to think of what my most commonly brought up things are. It's hard because I know that there are hundreds, if not thousands, and yet I can't land on one in my mind, but that's not because I'm unaware of the fact that there are things that I'm always going to say in response to other things or when a topic comes up or just stories that I tell repeatedly. I even had to withhold one when we were reading Travis' message, because Travis is from White Plains, New York, and I'm thinking that in years past, I've referenced that weird airline that was flying to White Plains when I lived, or sorry, when I worked at KVI, and speaking of PE., it was some fly-by-night airline, I remember doing ads on the station, and they didn't go to many places, but one of the places they randomly flew to was White Plains, and we had the opportunity to get free or cheap tickets, and I was like, I guess I'll take a ticket to White Plains. I didn't know Travis at the time, I had no reason to go there, but that's a story that I know that I've told on the show multiple times. Because the way that my brain works with this stuff, and I guess is how everyone's brain works, just other people have more, what do they call it, discipline, is I see some words, and then that's this one line, and then the other line is experiences that I can think of related to those words, and where those intersect is what I talk about. And in fact, that analogy I just gave is also something that I say on the show repeatedly.

Speaker 5:
[46:47] Really? No, that analogy you just gave about the lines, I've never, I do not recall you ever saying that before.

Speaker 8:
[46:53] Here's one, I know when I've used that analogy before, when I'm telling the story of Ethan Hawke, there's a story, it's not so much an observation like my eyes leak, but it's more just like a story that I've told, I would say conservatively about 20 to 30 times on the show, of me running into Ethan Hawke in the break room at KUOW and telling him a story that he was, where the joke was on him. And that, and what I, so I've told that story a million times, and what I also always say associated with that story is that in my mind, I was just like, hey, this is Ethan Hawke, and then the other, so that's one line, and then in my mind was also like, what do I know about Ethan Hawke? What are things I have experienced related to Ethan Hawke? Ethan Hawke Puppet Show, at Rafifi, at Invite Them Up. And that's why I started telling him that story without actually going, huh, is he going to get the very obvious point that this was a joke at his expense? And he did, he did. He said, sounds like they're making fun of me.

Speaker 5:
[47:51] Before we move on to the next Asling donor, let me just do it one more time in the clear for old time's sake, and Lynn, I know you're not clipping clips anymore, but if you want to, you can use this one. I apologize, I leak when I laugh.

Speaker 8:
[48:13] Thank you, Travis. Couldn't do it without you. Maestro?

Speaker 6:
[48:17] On your mark. Now ready.

Speaker 8:
[48:23] Hey, it's our pal, Chris Surface. Down there in Tacoma, Washington.

Speaker 5:
[48:28] The Tacoma Little Theater. Hi, Chris.

Speaker 8:
[48:30] Yes, indeedy.

Speaker 5:
[48:30] Is that gonna come up in the message?

Speaker 8:
[48:33] I don't pre-read these things, Andrew. I don't have time. I'm very busy, very, very busy. But I'm hoping it does. Chris says, surface, like the surface of the sea, except spelled with an E. All right.

Speaker 5:
[48:45] Yeah.

Speaker 8:
[48:46] Hi, friendos. Chris writes, TBTL continues to be my rock in this crazy world that we live in, knowing we are all here supporting and traipsing through... Good use of traips.

Speaker 5:
[48:54] Yeah.

Speaker 8:
[48:56] I don't know if I've ever seen the word traipsing even written out.

Speaker 5:
[49:00] Should I? I'm gonna put the word traips in the marsupial gurgle to see if either one of us ever said it. I really am gonna do this.

Speaker 8:
[49:07] Yeah. I could see it coming. I don't know if it's one of my go-tos, but supporting and traipsing through this world together gives me hope. Our network of tens is unmatched and it brought me such joy one day when I was working at the theater I run.

Speaker 5:
[49:22] There you go.

Speaker 8:
[49:22] That's the little theater in Tacoma. And someone came in and they said, are you TBTL Chris? We had a great chat and it made me so happy at the end of the day. Thanks to Luke and Andrew and John and Jen and Sean. See this feels like old home day.

Speaker 5:
[49:36] It really does.

Speaker 8:
[49:38] In a kind of a sweet way, actually. It's nice to get to remember our pals, Jen and Sean and all of the radio commercials that we loved and hated back in the day. Thanks to Luke and Andrew and John and Jen and Sean and all the others who bring this show to life and keep us feeling entertained and a part of something. Here's hoping it continues to grow and we really do end global loneliness. The path that Jen started us all on. That's my rambling for now. I'll end with the hopes that you keep supporting the arts in your community. And if you're ever at the Tacoma Little Theater, stop in and say hello to me.

Speaker 5:
[50:15] Absolutely. I've been there. It's a beautiful, beautiful place. In fact, I was just daydreaming the other day about finding myself back in Tacoma and swinging by and saying hey to Chris and the gang. I'm not even joking. I was thinking about how I can work that into my life. I do have an update for you, though. Everybody's just on tenterhooks here.

Speaker 8:
[50:33] Have we traipsed?

Speaker 5:
[50:34] There's only one instance of it. The word traips does not appear. Traipsing appears once and it's actually...

Speaker 8:
[50:41] What about traps? Trapezoids like I've been working out.

Speaker 5:
[50:46] It says something about your traps house. I don't know what that means. Episode 3315 is called You Made Your Pizza Bed, Now Lie In It. It says, Phyllis P. Fletcher swings by to explain why she sent Luke and Andrew a very creepy video. I think it's interesting that that is the shortest show description. This is from December of 2020. Let's see here, December 2020. That's pandemic-y times. Did I just say plandemic? If so, I was just stuttering. Oh God, please. I'm not trying to make a statement here. But December, because that started in the spring of 2020. Now we're in the winter of 2020. I think we're really in the thick of it. Phyllis is apparently sending us creepy videos, and that's the only thing we talked about on that episode. And one of us, and I can't tell who, said this. If I were you alone in this area, kind of traipsing down this old abandoned path on this kind of post-rainy day, even describing it sort of makes me have to go number two. That's me talking about when I'm creeping around places, I have to go to the bathroom.

Speaker 8:
[51:53] That's why bookstores, right?

Speaker 5:
[51:54] Bookstores, for certain, you're one of the different things.

Speaker 8:
[51:56] You're a well-known bookstore creep.

Speaker 5:
[51:58] Yeah, when I'm creeping around a bookstore. No, that's similar, but that's not about creeping, that's just about the bookstore experience. But yes, in those quiet places like that, you just suddenly feel a little rumble.

Speaker 8:
[52:09] By the way, the Tacoma Little Theater is about to be featuring... I don't know, for all the talk that we've done about the Tacoma Little Theater, I don't know if I've ever actually gotten eyes on it. But what a beautiful place.

Speaker 5:
[52:21] Oh, goodness, yes.

Speaker 8:
[52:22] Just an absolutely lovely... Just like a lovely building and signage and location.

Speaker 5:
[52:27] Historic.

Speaker 8:
[52:29] All kinds of stuff. Starting in a couple of days from now, the play that's going to be staged there is The Mountaintop, a powerful reimagining of MLK's final night, weaving history, humanity and hope. Wow, what a worthwhile play. That's running April 24th through May 10th. So if you're in Tacoma or even if you're not, head down there. Looks like they got all kinds of fun stuff going on there at the Tacoma Little Theatre. So make sure you support the folks who are supporting TBTL and go say hi to our friend Chris down there. Chris, thank you. We really do appreciate you. We got to get some sort of a TBTL crossover going down there at some point. I had actually written my play called The Mountaintop about me remodeling my house. But I guess you got probably a better one going currently down there. So we'll leave it to the people who are currently staging a production at the Little Theatre. But Chris, thanks again. We are very, very grateful for your support.

Speaker 3:
[53:25] Hello, and welcome to Top Story.

Speaker 8:
[53:28] I've been saying this kind of a lot lately. In fact, who knows, maybe it's a whole section of marsupial gurgle, but I, for some reason, like the sense that I have of where I reside in people's minds is shaped by how many people send me a story. And oddly enough, Andrew, two people sent me this story that is our top story today. One was you, and one was Becca.

Speaker 5:
[53:53] Did I say, which one is this? Did I send you this? I couldn't remember if I actually hit send on that email or not.

Speaker 8:
[53:58] You did.

Speaker 5:
[53:59] This is the insurance one?

Speaker 8:
[54:00] It's the insurance fraud story. And also, and Becca never sends me anything like for TBTL content, but she said, I don't know, you might want to talk about this on your show. And that is not a thing she ever does. So I thought it was interesting that both of you saw this and thought, well, this could be TBTL material. It's a pretty, it's a pretty crazy story. Basically, there were these guys who submitted an insurance claim for damage to a, I guess a pretty high-end car. It was a 2010 Rolls Royce Ghost. That's the kind of car it was. By the way, this I'm reading from the, let's see, they don't give us a byline for this, but this is a Southern California TV station. This is ABC7. Three Southern California residents have been sentenced in a bizarre insurance fraud scheme, which prosecutors say involved them staging fake bear attacks on high-end cars. It all stems from a claim the suspects filed with their insurance company, saying a bear got into their car, which is a 2010 Rolls Royce Ghost at Lake Arrowhead. This was in 2024, and damaged the inside with scratches. The California Department of Insurance said the suspects provided a video to the company, which showed the bear, that's in quotes, in the car. An investigation in the claim, dubbed Operation Bear Claw, took a closer look at the video and found the bear was actually a person in a bear costume. The insurance department said investigators then took the video to biologists with the California Department of Fish and Wildlife, who also looked at the video. The biologist said it was clearly a human in a bear suit. I think it's interesting that the insurance investigators didn't trust their own eyes on this. They were like, yeah, it looks like a guy in a bear suit, but we're not biologists. We can't trust ourselves to make this call. Let's get some biologists in on it. The biologists were like, yeah, that's a guy in a bear suit, obviously.

Speaker 5:
[55:55] Yeah. I remember saying, I didn't see the video. You have not seen the video, have you? Have they released that? I have. Oh, you have? See, I only saw the photo of the outfit or the costume, I guess I should say, the bear outfit, the costume, but it's like nobody's wearing it. It's just laying on the ground like evidence and I noticed that they have like really like some sort of pause with knives coming off of it.

Speaker 8:
[56:17] Yeah, it looks like almost something that like Wolverine would have. I have to be honest with you, like they almost, they kind of almost got away with it, I feel like because the video, I mean, I could try to send this to you, Andrew, you get eyes on it. What they did that was pretty smart is it's kind of grainy, it's black and white, and like when I'm watching it, and maybe this is because I'm not a biologist, it like, I find the video more compelling or more convincing than you would think. I'm going to send you this link, okay? So you can watch this. This is from the original story because here's the deal. I remember when this-

Speaker 5:
[56:54] Or is this in the show sheet because I might actually have this.

Speaker 8:
[56:56] But you have to click on a link in the show sheet.

Speaker 5:
[56:58] I'm just going to send this to you.

Speaker 8:
[56:59] I'm going to make it a little easier on you because really what the video is from, so there was an initial story which was insurance investigators are investigating what they say is a fake bear situation. That's what the video that was submitted to the insurance was in. Now the update a few months later is they've been sentenced. So anyway, let's say I'm going to send you this bear video. Like I said, when you watch the video, it's not as silly as it sounds. I guess they just went a little too far. They should have parked the car further away or something. You just have this brownish area with points. You just have this furry thing that's climbing around. I think their mistake was that they had the security camera too close to the vehicle for their video that they were submitting. They just should have parked the car further away, so you really couldn't make out any detail from the bear. And it's almost just like the last second of the clip is where the bear is moving in far too human of a manner. So watch this video. It's like three seconds long.

Speaker 5:
[58:03] At first, it's fine. I don't think I'd really... Huh. I'm watching.

Speaker 8:
[58:07] You see that at the very end? Here's where they made the mistake. So basically it was like their idea was, let's scratch up the inside of this car and we'll make it seem like a bear did it. What they did though was when the guy in the bear costume gets into the car, I find it to be decently convinced.

Speaker 5:
[58:27] Sure.

Speaker 8:
[58:27] Yeah.

Speaker 5:
[58:27] Okay. I'm seeing that.

Speaker 8:
[58:28] Then when he goes for the scratch, it's a human being in a bear suit moves differently than a bear moves. And that's where it's very obvious this isn't a bear. And it's so subtle, though, in a way, it's like it's just that a human being, we move differently than a bear would. And they were trying to sell. What they were trying to do was sell the slash mark. Yeah.

Speaker 5:
[58:54] And the slash marks themselves look fake. That's the problem here. And that would be the first things like they're too perfect. They look like... remember in music class when you were a kid? Did you ever have the... they had that device that you would put like... how many... is it five lines that is in like the... oh, like a measure of music? I'm forgetting what those lines are called. But do you remember that they would put five pieces of chalk in a device and then drag it across the chalkboard? Yes, of course. So you could then draw the notes.

Speaker 8:
[59:22] For like the treble or the bass clef?

Speaker 5:
[59:24] For the clefs, yeah. I mean, the clef is at the beginning, though. What do you call those lines? It's driving me crazy. The bars? They're bars. Anyway, they look way too... These just look way too uniform. I also think it's interesting that the photo I'm looking at of this, I think, driver's seat, it looks like it's got a bottle of booze wedged between the seat and the wall, but that can't be booze, right? They're not that crazy. That's some sort of like fancy iced tea drink you can get that looks like a cocktail. Are you seeing it?

Speaker 8:
[59:53] I'm trying to get eyes on that too. I guess I'm not. Oh, yeah. No, you know what? I think that's a hairbrush.

Speaker 5:
[59:59] We must be looking at different things. I'm definitely, I'm quite sure I'm looking at a glass bottle with a blue top on it.

Speaker 8:
[60:05] Yeah. Okay. You're right. Yeah. It also, yeah, you're right. They got $140,000 for this, by the way. Whoa. The slash marks, you're right. Those slash marks are not convincing at all. You're right. It's exactly like that thing you'd get in music class, way too uniform. You know what the bear would probably have done? They'd have probably eaten part of the seat.

Speaker 5:
[60:31] Yeah.

Speaker 8:
[60:31] There'd be like a very like weird, they might have taken a dump in the car. Like bears.

Speaker 5:
[60:37] I would.

Speaker 8:
[60:38] I mean, I have. It's what's amazing to me because, yeah, eventually I think that, you know, let me see if I can get back to the original article on this. They're getting some pretty serious time on this. I was surprised. The investigators uncovered two other fraudulent claims submitted to different insurance companies regarding the same incident. Officials say the total cost to the insurance companies was $141,000. This is what I don't understand. Like, so they tripled up. So presumably, let's say that they filed three fraudulent insurance claims with three different companies. So they set out to have three different companies insure this vehicle. They did this deal, they submitted it, they got paid. So each company was sending them a third of $141,000. Do those scratch marks warrant? What's $140,000? What, like $60,000? That's not the right math, but you know what I mean. Right. Yeah. Let's just call it $53,000 per filing. Like, it doesn't seem like the car was that jacked up.

Speaker 5:
[61:44] But I guess if you can't replace it, you have to replace the entire upholstery, or probably the entire $53,000. It's an expensive car, right?

Speaker 8:
[61:55] Not to tell them how to do it, but it's like, why don't you just park the car somewhere where there's no video, trash the interior, and say, we think a bear did it.

Speaker 5:
[62:05] Why don't you drive out in the middle of the woods, put a bunch of bear food in there, walk away for a while.

Speaker 8:
[62:11] Why don't you just say that this car was vandalized for reasons that are unknown to you by a human? And I don't understand.

Speaker 5:
[62:19] Why don't you hire a bear?

Speaker 8:
[62:21] Why don't you kiss a potato like everybody else?

Speaker 5:
[62:25] Because I've been scrolling across this video back and forth, I'm sure the audio has nothing worthwhile to share. But it's only 40 seconds. And we haven't heard TV news on this tape in a while. I'm going to have to play on this.

Speaker 1:
[62:35] We were even talking about this one during the commercial break. It's one of the most bizarre cases of insurance fraud we have ever reported. Somebody dressed up in a bear suit, vandalizing cars in Lake Arrowhead. Suspects provided their insurance company with this video claiming that a real bear entered their Rolls Royce Ghost and tore up the luxury car. Well, tonight, four LA residents have been arrested and charged with insurance fraud and conspiracy. They're also accused of trying to defraud two different insurance companies by damaging two other vehicles, both of them Mercedes. Investigators say the suspects defrauded the companies out of $141,000. Officials with the California Department of Insurance calling the crackdown Operation Bear Claw.

Speaker 8:
[63:15] So, okay, that makes a little more sense. There's multiple vehicles, so that this wasn't all for just those little scratches that we saw. But even so, it just it's one of those things where in the parlance of the kids these days, you're doing too much. Listen, I know from insurance fraud.

Speaker 5:
[63:29] You should be doing, Luke, the bare minimum. Don't encourage that. Don't encourage that. Pretty good. Pretty good.

Speaker 8:
[63:38] Yeah, like again, why complicate this? Why go out and get the bear suit? And like, I just, I feel like you just say, you know, the car, somebody jacked the car up for reasons that we don't know. But it's, we have, this is what you have insurance for. Somebody broke into your car and trashed it. And now we need to be made whole. Like why go through the, why go through all the steps of the bear suit and getting the guy to get, wear it and go in the car and theatrically scrape away at it. And then you send the video in like that's, I mean, that's where you, that's where you went, that's where this whole thing went awry.

Speaker 5:
[64:15] Luke, I will, I need to confess something to you. I was a little distracted at the very beginning of the story. And I need to tell you why. This is something I could be talking to you about off the air. But honestly, this involves the listeners as well. And I forgot about, I just got some bad, some bad news in my inbox that I completely forgot about. But we set this up the other day and then it whiffed out of my brain. Uh oh, I just got an email that says, Jury Duty Week of 427, 2026. That is next week. Remember, I got that postcard in the mail that said, you just have to like return this thing or whatever. And now it says, I have a badge number here. I'm not going to give out my badge number on the air, but it's pretty cool that I have a badge number.

Speaker 8:
[65:01] Give out your badge number, which will probably invalidate you. No, I just mean, go to the judge. Your Honor, I mentioned my badge number on my podcast. Did I do that? And then the judge will immediately take you off the jury.

Speaker 5:
[65:15] I'm going to wear a T-shirt that says, ask me how much of this I divulged on my daily podcast.

Speaker 8:
[65:19] Yeah.

Speaker 5:
[65:20] It says, this is a reminder. So it looks like maybe next Wednesday. It doesn't say yet. It says, if you have responded to the Summon Seven Days. I don't know. It's a little bit unclear as I'm reading this on the fly, but they have not told me where or when to show up yet. But, okay, here's what it says. It says, I will be contacted. The judge or bailiff may contact you up to one week in advance of your summons date. Now, today would be exactly one week. So today's the 22nd, and it said that I would have to show up for that French wordy thing, I think, although they didn't say it. Voir dire. Or as I call it, the French wordy thing. I'm the 29th.

Speaker 8:
[66:02] Yeah, you can tell I'm highly committed to you getting to talk this story.

Speaker 5:
[66:05] It is not just out of a sense of adventure for you. It's about a sense of survival of this podcast.

Speaker 8:
[66:09] It's just totally selfishly motivated.

Speaker 5:
[66:11] It says, the judge or bailiff may contact you up to one week in advance of your summons date. Jury selection will either be conducted remotely or in person. So I guess I'll find that out. Let's hope that it's remotely, right? It says, if you are selected, the bailiff will contact you to email with a questionnaire to answer. If you have not been contacted, please feel free to go to work and school. If you have responded at least seven days prior to your date and not contacted by a bailiff by 430 p.m. on 429, you were not selected for trial. So anyway, we'll see. I see I still I'm a little confused whether or not I still have to show up for this voir dire. Is that how you say?

Speaker 8:
[66:50] It sounds like it sounds. And I'm not just saying this because of my wanting you to not have jury duty so that I don't have my life disrupted. But it sounds like it's kind of like you'll hear from us. If if we're if this process is moving forward, that's how it hits my ears. But obviously you want to be careful about that. I'm just hoping you get if you do talk to a bailiff, I hope he's like rusty from the people's court. I hope you get kind of like a no nonsense, slightly world weary bailiff from one of the TV shows. It's kind of the foil for the judge.

Speaker 5:
[67:21] Yeah. Yeah. Or Moose. Not Moose.

Speaker 8:
[67:24] Moose. Yeah. Robert. Not Robert Moll. No. That's the other day. Robert.

Speaker 5:
[67:31] It is Moll though. It's something Moll, right?

Speaker 8:
[67:33] Oh yeah. Because wait.

Speaker 5:
[67:35] Martin Moll is the comedian.

Speaker 8:
[67:37] Yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 5:
[67:37] But it is not Moose either, I don't think. Is it?

Speaker 8:
[67:40] Biff? Was it Biff? No.

Speaker 5:
[67:41] Moose?

Speaker 8:
[67:43] Bull.

Speaker 5:
[67:43] Oh, Bull. Yes, of course. Bull. Richard Moll. Richard. Richard Moll. What did you say?

Speaker 8:
[67:51] Richard Moll. But M-O-L-L?

Speaker 5:
[67:54] M-O-L-L. Yeah. Anyway, I've always considered myself more of a John Lerriquette.

Speaker 8:
[67:59] I think of you more of a Marsha Warfield.

Speaker 5:
[68:02] Wait. She was a bailiff as well, right?

Speaker 8:
[68:04] She was another bailiff there. Yeah. But she was taking notes. She was in no nonsense.

Speaker 5:
[68:08] Oh, I'm looking at this now. And also Selma Diamond. I forgot she was an older, slightly older.

Speaker 8:
[68:13] Was Marky Post on that show?

Speaker 5:
[68:14] Yeah. Marky Post definitely was on that show. Absolutely.

Speaker 8:
[68:17] Night Court. Do they even have Night Court anymore?

Speaker 5:
[68:20] I mean, that's a show, but in real life.

Speaker 8:
[68:23] Yeah. The idea of Night Court, I guess I've never heard of that. You know what I mean? In the modern era, I don't feel like that's a thing. I wonder, that's an interesting era of big city law. Because the premise is that there's all kinds of wild and woolly behaviors happening in the middle of the night, and these are the people that have to deal with, they're the swing shift of justice.

Speaker 5:
[68:48] I guess so. Now, the thing is, I remember, I think I just quoted to you this on the show the other day or maybe off air that, was it Desus who used to say every Friday, he would post on Twitter or something like, Happy Friday, avoid the bookings, he would always say, which meant like, stay out of jail on a Friday because you'll be in there all weekend until the courts open on Monday. Was the idea of night court that that didn't used to be the case, that there was always some sort of a skeleton crew that could at least see you?

Speaker 8:
[69:21] I think that must be the premise of the TV show, and that has to be based on something that might have really existed at some point. Because I doubt that they invented the idea of it for the TV show. But what's funny is I just was Googling, is night court still a thing? And all I can get is information about the TV show Night Court.

Speaker 5:
[69:40] Which was rebooted, remember?

Speaker 8:
[69:41] Which is rebooted, exactly. And so it's like the TV show Night Court has far eclipsed the actual phenomenon of night court as far as something that the Internet is willing to tell me about.

Speaker 5:
[69:51] Yeah. And I was going to start Googling around too, but I feel like I've already been a little bit too distracted. I'll let you know how this goes. I will be... I'm not going to be inviting any kind of extra service here. Yeah, but I got to do what I got to do. I'll show up crying. I'll show up crying the whole time. I'll have a shirt that says ask me about what I've already said on the podcast about this and anything else. And I'll just be incredibly disrespectful.

Speaker 8:
[70:20] Can I tell you about my podcast?

Speaker 5:
[70:22] Can I tell you about my podcast? I already told my podcast about you.

Speaker 8:
[70:26] Be somewhere in between how I would handle it and how Phyllis Fletcher would handle it.

Speaker 5:
[70:31] Okay. Phyllis would already be the judge.

Speaker 8:
[70:33] Phyllis would have been promoted to judge midway through the trial. I would be honestly on trial. I would be criminally accused. What?

Speaker 5:
[70:46] Oh my God. Do you have anything pending, by the way? Is there any chance I sit on your trial?

Speaker 8:
[70:53] Oh God, that would be incredible. Then don't tell them you know me, because I need an ally.

Speaker 5:
[70:58] Oh, I think you're making a huge assumption there.

Speaker 8:
[71:03] That hurts.

Speaker 5:
[71:06] I hate to say it, Luke, but I think we got to get out of here. I got a puppy who's crate training and she is.

Speaker 8:
[71:10] All right. Well, then tomorrow, well, let me just say this. Thank you to, let's see, I think it's listener Chad who re-added me.

Speaker 5:
[71:19] Oh, yeah. I'm sorry. Albania page. That's okay. I checked it out the other day. It was there. How about tomorrow? Beginning of the show. Before I distract us, we'll see that you're still up there though. We need to make sure that nobody is. Because remember somebody added me to something one time and then the editor stripped my honor away. They said he's not famous enough to have a wiki page or something. So we need to make sure. Now you're in a very different situation than I am. Because I think you're going to be hosting CBS Nightly News here.

Speaker 8:
[71:48] I am now. Yeah, I'm filling in for John Dickerson.

Speaker 5:
[71:51] So anyway, I doubt that they would have stripped you of your honor. I'm still there.

Speaker 8:
[71:56] I'm still there.

Speaker 5:
[71:56] Oh, all right.

Speaker 8:
[71:58] Chad put me under Artists because he didn't want to put me under Others because that's pretty much reserved for mobsters and motivational speakers. But as of right now, Artists, I'm right there. Below Pema Brown and above Drida de Avanso. This is under Artists.

Speaker 5:
[72:14] Did I cut you off when you were saying this up to the Wikipedia page, the list of famous Albanian Americans? Why didn't he put you under Media though? I can't remember because you're a media guy.

Speaker 8:
[72:22] He explained, here's what he said. I put you in the Artists section as there were other TV folks in there versus Media. But boy, did I want to put you down in the Others section.

Speaker 5:
[72:32] Yeah.

Speaker 8:
[72:32] Crying emoji because we found out that the Others section is just all ne'er do well. Miscreants. But we'll see how the trial goes, Chad. Then you could move me to Others.

Speaker 5:
[72:42] Yeah. Right.

Speaker 8:
[72:44] Andrew is like, hang them.

Speaker 5:
[72:46] Why is he wearing a hang them high T-shirt?

Speaker 8:
[72:48] That also gets you kicked off. Okay. Thanks for listening, everybody. We're going to be back here tomorrow with more Imaginary Radio. In the meantime, everybody have a great Wednesday. Stay safe, take care of yourselves, and please remember, no mountain too tall, and good luck to all.

Speaker 2:
[73:06] Okay.

Speaker 5:
[73:07] Power out.