transcript
Speaker 1:
[00:00] Welcome back to another episode of Kindred Conversations. I'm Paris Tewes.
Speaker 2:
[00:03] And I'm Brittany Frye. And I will start with my moment of gratitude.
Speaker 1:
[00:06] Can you please do?
Speaker 2:
[00:08] I, this week, am feeling so grateful for our Kindred Conversations Cards, the Girls Night Edition. We have used these countless, countless times, like, just more than I could ever vocalize. And they never go out of style. They're always interesting. I can't tell you the number of times someone will read a question. I'll be with a group of girls and someone will read a question and I'll be like, oh my gosh, that's such a good question.
Speaker 1:
[00:39] I love that question.
Speaker 2:
[00:41] Or I'll like laugh at the question because it's kind of funny. And then I'm like, oh my gosh, that's so embarrassing.
Speaker 1:
[00:47] We're so brilliant.
Speaker 2:
[00:49] I literally cringe at myself, but it genuinely makes me so proud of them. And I recently used them at a Girls Night where some people knew each other. And there was like one girl in particular that nobody had really met yet. And it was just, it was the perfect icebreaker where not only did it introduce everyone around the room to the one girl that didn't know anyone, but then also it actually was interesting to everyone because it provided this really awesome, like unique opportunity to get to know each other in a deeper way that maybe we didn't already. Anyway, I just, I love these cards. I think they really just speak for themselves, and I continually feel over and over again, that they do the job that we created them for. So I'm feeling particularly grateful. And also that is my big shout out, that if you have not purchased our Girls Night Cards, I really think that they are such a fabulous addition to any kind of Girls Night. Any, whether that be like with friends, or if you're doing one with your family, I've just used them in so many different scenarios. And they always are a shining star of the night.
Speaker 1:
[02:03] I'm proud of them too. We'll link those in the episode notes. Because we want everyone to have them, because we really believe in them. We just did, or I just did a podcast episode. I was a guest on His House, which I think if you haven't listened to that podcast, I think you would love. But I was a guest and we talked about friendships, and I want to do our next episode. I want to talk a lot about friendships, because I have a lot to say. But I've been reflecting on the topic a lot. And that was one of my main take aways just from the topic is, you might have great friends. I think sometimes we get in this feeling of like, oh, I need new friends. I feel like that's a common sentiment. And I think I just want to shake everyone. It's just like you don't need new friends, you just need better conversation, you need better friend culture. You just need to change what you're doing with your friends. Because I think sometimes as women, we're tempted to get together and we don't have necessarily the best plan. And our conversations don't always go to a super uplifting place all the time. I feel like when you are really intentional about how you're spending your time together, your friendships are completely different. So another reason I love our cards, just have to plug them. And yeah, I want to talk a lot more about that next time.
Speaker 2:
[03:14] Okay, I have so many thoughts already about you saying that. So I'm so excited.
Speaker 1:
[03:19] I know, shoot. Did you just do that today? No, we have plans. We'll do that next time. But stay tuned for that because we have lots of thoughts.
Speaker 2:
[03:25] Yeah, yay.
Speaker 1:
[03:27] Okay, I'll do my moment of gratitude. I had this moment last week that was just like a perfect motherhood moment. And those don't happen every day. So I just like have been relishing in it, just loving, just like I keep going back to that moment. Like this is why I do everything that I do. But last Sunday, Pierce and I were just in bed and all of our kids had made their way up in, well, some of them were already in our bed, some of them had made their way into our bed. But my littlest was still asleep and then the bigger three were, we were all just snuggling in bed. And Miles and I had been reading a book, it's called The Place to Hang the Moon, and it was like our first book that we read together. Like, it's not like a little kid book. And anyways, we were just finishing it up and he brought it into bed with me. We were snuggling, we were reading the book, and I love to read, so this is already just peak happiness for me. And then Pierce and our little girls are on the other side of the bed just giggling. They're snuggling, they're giggling. I'm like, this is everything I have ever wanted in this moment, I just wanna bottle it up. And I loved it so much, and it also made me think a lot because we have had my son listen to, well, we call it a podcast, but it's not a podcast. He listens to an audio book before bed like almost every single night. And this is the first time that I felt like I actually have the capacity to read to him. And still like there have been nights where I just like don't have time and he reads or he listens to the audio book. But just the whole experience of reading the book together was so special. And it just had me reflecting a lot on like, this has been something that we've been replacing with just kind of like a cheaper version for the last little bit. Like I feel like in audio book, there's nothing wrong with listening to an audio book, but it's a cheaper simulation of something that is so special and so magical. And when we actually took the time to have that real connection and like do the real version of it, it was like one of my favorite motherhood moments I've ever had. And so it's just had me reflecting on, okay, where are other places I'm doing that in motherhood? Because I know that I am. And also to be fair, like I think there are times when that's really appropriate and fine, like I don't want to get down on myself because that's okay, like there's nothing wrong with an audio book. I can't do everything. But also I just want to make sure that I'm not just defaulting to like, oh, this is the quick fix. This is the easier option. I was even thinking like I've been doing that a lot with family dinner, which again, we've been in a season of survival. I don't want to be too hard on myself about it, but like we've done a lot of like really quick dinners where we're like eating on the go, we're like not eating together. It's just like, it gets the job done, but it's not filling my soul the way that dinner can. It's like, that's enough. That's the way I want to do it. Anyway, it's had me reflecting on all these different ways that I want to bring just like the real version in a little bit more.
Speaker 2:
[06:23] Okay, I love that. What a great thought. I immediately thought of dinner as well. That's like such a quick one and an obvious, I feel like part of your day that it's really obvious whether you have the time for it or not, whether you're going to be able to invest in a bigger production or you're like, no, no, we've got to do the quick thing.
Speaker 1:
[06:42] Yeah.
Speaker 2:
[06:43] Anyway, but I'm going to be thinking about that. I love that thought. That's so sweet.
Speaker 1:
[06:47] That's my long winded moment of gratitude.
Speaker 2:
[06:49] No, I love it. I think that's really thoughtful. And also that moment, those are so magical. The things that you're like, if I could have glimpsed this 10 years ago, this is everything I ever wanted.
Speaker 1:
[07:02] No, I actually wrote in my journal about it. I'm like, this is how I want to remember these early days of motherhood. And obviously there's a lot that goes with it too, but those moments make it also worth it.
Speaker 2:
[07:11] Totally, totally. I love that.
Speaker 1:
[07:13] Okay, I have a just really random story I wanted to tell you before we get into it. Oh, yes. Okay, let's do it. So I have had a few car problems lately, just small but really annoying. My car window won't roll down. Like whenever I'm trying to do a pickup and a teacher's trying to talk to me or someone's trying to put something in my car.
Speaker 2:
[07:30] To open your door?
Speaker 1:
[07:31] Yes. I'm like, sorry, it doesn't work. Like it's just annoying. Or like I'm trying to get Miles' attention to come get in my car and it just doesn't work. So that's been like for a couple of months, I just hadn't had like, I don't know the motivation. It's just like a small annoyance. So I hadn't taken it in.
Speaker 2:
[07:45] Totally.
Speaker 1:
[07:46] But then last week, oh, and my key doesn't work. Like my key fob hasn't been working. Like I can start my car, but like I can't sense that it's in my car. And then the third thing is my hatch when it opened. So I haven't had a trunk for like the last two weeks, which has been driving me nuts. It was only like that for a few days before I was like, okay, it's time. Yeah, like I made an appointment and I had to wait a week for the appointment, but it was very annoying. Like, not having a trunk. That's so, like my car was a disaster. It was so annoying. And I had like gone through ChatGPT with it. Like I was trying to like do all the things I like laid. I took all the car seats out and I like laid my trunk back. I was like trying to manually open it with a screwdriver.
Speaker 2:
[08:24] Oh my gosh.
Speaker 1:
[08:24] But I couldn't do it and chat and I decided like, ultimately it was time to take it in. So anyways, yesterday morning, I'm like taking my car in. I'm like, this is going to be such a pain. It's going to take up my whole day. But like, I'm so excited to have a car working again. Not kidding, Brett. I pull in, my appointment is at 9.15. I pull in five minutes late and they're at 9.20. The whole appointment took three minutes.
Speaker 2:
[08:48] No.
Speaker 1:
[08:49] He fixed every problem. No. I felt so stupid. I literally go, I'm like, so my trunk's not working. I didn't even get out of my car. He literally just opens it and I'm just sitting there like, such, do that. He's like, oh, I just pressed and held it. I'm like, OK, I swear on my life. I tried that. Pierce tried that and then just like rub salt in the wound. He did it like 10 times just to make sure it kept going. Got it, thanks. He's just making sure there weren't any issues with it, but just fully did it work. I'm like, OK, well, I have this other problem. My window won't roll down. Hold it down for 10 seconds, resets it, goes immediately up and down. And my keys, my keys, it just needs a new battery. I'm like, got it. I was home 15 minutes after my appointment started and I was five minutes late. Which was great. It's great that it didn't take my whole day, but I...
Speaker 2:
[09:48] No, absolutely. It's amazing. It's what you want. And also you're just so humiliated.
Speaker 1:
[09:51] No, I was like, thank you. I felt so dumb. I thought you'd appreciate it. I was just absolutely dying. So that's my car mishap. I mean, it's great that nothing was really wrong, but like...
Speaker 2:
[10:04] Oh, absolutely.
Speaker 1:
[10:05] Yeah, humbly for sure.
Speaker 2:
[10:08] That is Johnny and I, every time we try and do anything in the house, we just feel like absolute idiots. We're just like, yeah. So we understand that we're helpless.
Speaker 1:
[10:15] Yeah.
Speaker 2:
[10:16] You know, we had to call the plumber last week when we were replacing a faucet, which should be so simple and it wasn't. And in our defense, he tried to get it off for probably 10 minutes and then was like, hey, this like piece is actually broken. Do you mind if I just saw it off? Anyway, so he definitely, like, we were like, okay, this was justified. You know, we're standing behind him. Like, okay.
Speaker 1:
[10:38] Yeah.
Speaker 2:
[10:38] So we're not stupid.
Speaker 1:
[10:40] Yeah. I just needed to present hold.
Speaker 2:
[10:42] But no, that is so relatable.
Speaker 1:
[10:44] Yeah. I had to share that. Okay. Do you want to talk about our first subject?
Speaker 2:
[10:49] Yes. I did a little real about this in Instagram or on Instagram yesterday, and it's just been on my mind lately. So I wanted to talk about giving kids autonomy, but not even necessarily because you're being so intentional about it, but just like you've reached capacity and then you realize that you can't do everything. And it ends up being a huge blessing for you and your kids. And I think so often, I don't know, you know, I just think we're given all the tools, all the resources and because of that, which is such a blessing, like that really is amazing to be a parent today where there are so many resources to answer so many questions. I just think about our parents, they probably, I mean, I feel like I have no idea what I'm doing, but they probably really didn't because they didn't have a lot of places to turn, you know, there's like the one or two popular parenting books and that's kind of it. Anyway, I think also though, what comes along with that is this feeling like you need to do everything. Yeah, perfectly. And that can be so crippling, I think. And at some point, you have to accept that you just, you can't. Anyway, I have realized that a lot of the areas that I felt like I was dropping the ball, my kids have ended up having to just be fully responsible for it and it has ended up being the best thing for them. So the examples I gave were one of them was Brooks doing homework. And this was something that because my other two kids aren't in a homework phase, it just did not fit in naturally with our routine. And I'm not going to spend an hour doing homework every night. And I also don't want to nag my kid who like just got back from six and a half hours of school.
Speaker 1:
[12:25] Who's seven.
Speaker 2:
[12:26] Yes. To be like, okay, homework time. Like that just didn't feel good to me. So honestly, I just didn't touch it. Like we maybe tried a handful of times over the last two years. And other than that, I just had to accept that like, this is something that maybe one day we'll all like have the capacity to help.
Speaker 1:
[12:43] Yeah.
Speaker 2:
[12:45] Or sort of take it on, I guess. Anyway, but instead, the best thing has happened, which is exactly what I had hoped for initially. And Brooks has just fully taken responsibility of it. And I'm like, that is so much better for him in the long run. And that's actually what I wanted. Do you know what I mean? But I didn't know exactly how to get there. And honestly, by me totally releasing control over it, it has given him the opportunity to step up and just take control of it himself. And it's been so darling to watch. And the other example I gave was packing for trips. And again, this is just something that it just hangs over my head. And in fact, it has prevented me from going on trips at times, because the thought of having to pack for my entire family, it just stresses me out so much. Anyway, I hit the point about a year ago where I'm just like, I can't do this. I can't pack for everyone. And I realized, okay, my kids know, like they know where their clothes are. They put their clothes away. They get so excited for their trips. They're asking to pack. So I just was like, you know what? I'm just going to give them a list and see how they do. And obviously they don't do perfectly, but they do good enough. And maybe there's a couple little trade-ins we need to do. But for the most part, I can just hand them a list and they run with it and they pack for themselves. And then it makes the trip easier too, because they know what's in their suitcase and they're getting themselves dressed. And I don't have to worry about it. Anyway, I've just been thinking there are a few areas in my life that by me feeling like I don't have the capacity to really take it on, my kids end up doing it, and it ends up being so much better for both of us. Anyway, I'm wondering if you have anything like that.
Speaker 1:
[14:27] Okay, well, I have a few thoughts about that, first of all. First of all, I think that your kids are so blessed to have a mom that when she feels like she's at her max capacity, doesn't feel like you have to run yourself ragged to try and do all of the things. I think that is a gift to be able to say, like, okay, I've reached this point where I'm maxed out and I'm gonna start letting go of things. That is such a gift to your kids, and I think we could all do better at that, just realizing, okay, there's too much on my plate, what can I delegate? And absolutely, your kids are gonna be more independent and more confident because of that, but also you're happier and they get to have a mom that is happier and more just like not killing herself, to try and make sure the vacation outfits are perfect, you know? Right, right. And I also feel like that works because you also have, they also have these parameters, like it's within such a safe learning environment. Like Brooks, if he's not doing his homework and he falls behind in school, like stakes are low, you can help him, he's seven.
Speaker 2:
[15:26] Absolutely.
Speaker 1:
[15:27] Stakes are so low. And packing, like you also have, I know that your kids have a closet like things can't go that wrong, you know? Like it's like everything's pretty basic. Everything's pretty neutral. Like you've kept things pretty simple. So it makes it really easy. Like you don't have these insane systems. It's like it's so doable and things go together. And if they if they don't, it's not the end of the world. Like these are just like such safe learning experiences and like age appropriate learning experiences that I think are so good to try and give our kids. When I had my first, I felt like I observed this in other moms. I realized that, okay, moms with a lot of kids, like they are not worrying about like the little things because they can't. Like no mom with six kids is a helicopter mom because she can't be like, she literally can't be. And I could see like these really experienced moms, like that they were just more laid back about things. And so I remember with Miles just being like, okay, what would I do if you were my fifth kid? And like actually trying to do that just because I think sometimes, I think there are advantages to that. And I think that's one thing about having more kids is like, you just can't do everything.
Speaker 2:
[16:38] No, no, absolutely. I had the same thought as I was thinking about this.
Speaker 1:
[16:42] And it's, I feel like it's great. It's great for the kids. Obviously there are like limits for that, but I think that that is so great for our kids. Also, this topic is reminding me so much of the book, How to Raise an Adult.
Speaker 2:
[16:55] Yes. I could not remember the name of the title of that book.
Speaker 1:
[16:59] Yes, How to Raise an Adult, and it's by Julie Lithcott-Hain, Lithcott, I don't know how you say it, but she's a dean of a college, and the book was inspired by the fact that she had all of these kids coming to college that couldn't do anything for themselves. And so the whole book is basically just like you have to let your kids do things.
Speaker 2:
[17:19] Do things for themselves and fail.
Speaker 1:
[17:21] Yes, and that has to start at a young age and grow proportionate to their age. So that by the time they're 18, they are an adult and they're prepared to live on their own and prepared to make their own doctor's appointments and take care of themselves and do their own laundry and live independently. And that doesn't just happen when you turn 18, that starts when your kids are little and they're getting themselves dressed and they're putting their clothes away and all of those things. Absolutely. There's actually a quote I wanted to read from her. She said, perfectionism is not only the enemy of good, it's the enemy of adulthood. And that's what it reminded me of, just like packing, like your kids are not going to be perfectly packed. Like you have let go of that because you're at your max capacity. And you know, if you were a perfectionist about it, it would be the enemy of their adulthood.
Speaker 2:
[18:12] Yeah, that's such a great quote.
Speaker 1:
[18:14] Isn't it a good one?
Speaker 2:
[18:15] Something to just keep in the back of your mind kind of all the time.
Speaker 1:
[18:18] Yeah. I think that about chores, like a lot of times I just wanna like get my kids to bed or like get them outside or get them away so I can do chores so it can be done well. And then I always have to remind myself like, okay, it's gonna take twice as long and maybe not be done as well, but I have to include them in this because I don't want them to be taught that it's my job to do these chores. Like it is our family's job and I want them to learn. And we've gotta figure it out.
Speaker 2:
[18:47] Okay. I also was thinking about chores, but in a different way. And I have thought, I have had that similar thought, specifically like dinnertime, I've had to sort of be like, okay, I gotta bite the bullet here. And instead of being like, hey, go, you know, go do this or go do that, I've had to kind of be like, yeah, come help me. Like who's gonna set the table? And, you know, rather than when they're like, hey mom, can I help? Rather than being like, you know what, this is, you know, this one's just for mom right now. I was like, no, I can't turn that down. Like I want them to be willing to help and to know, you know, what goes into making that all work. But what I was thinking about chores, in my mind, we have this perfect chore system that is just really organized and consistent. And that's not what it looks like in reality. In reality, there are some Saturdays that we have a ton to do. And there are some that we don't have anything. And there are some weeks where we're really on top of stuff. And there are some weeks where we're really behind on everything. And so it's not consistent or regular. The expectations are the same every time. And in fact, I've realized that that perfect little, you know, in my head, sticker chart or tour chart where you organize their names and the duties and all the things, it's just like, that's not what it looks like in our house. And I actually think all the better for it. Like, they are getting used to a real life system and knowing what really does need to be done. And then the best thing about it is they are learning by my modeling. And as I started spring cleaning, like spring organizing, I guess, this spring, it was really sweet to watch. My husband took my younger two, my husband took my younger two out on an errand and Brooks was home with me. And this was completely unprompted, but he had been watching me unload and he wasn't participating because I was doing my bedroom. I'm doing our nightstands, the top shelf of my closet, my bathroom, cabinets, all of those things. And he'd just been sort of watching and hanging out with me. And we go out into the kitchen to get ready for dinner and he completely emptied and organized, cleaned out an entire cabinet in my kitchen that contained all of my kids' craft things.
Speaker 1:
[20:56] It's so cute.
Speaker 2:
[20:56] It was the cutest thing ever. The bottom shelf had all of their craft things and the top shelf has all of like kid utensils and cups and those sorts of things. And I keep them at kid level so that they do have control over it. But it had just grown to be a total junk cabinet. Everything was an absolute mess in there. And literally without my help, he emptied the entire thing, organized it honestly to my standards. Like it was really impressive and also darling and such a great teaching opportunity for me that the greatest tool in these scenarios is modeling.
Speaker 1:
[21:30] Yeah. And modeling and then giving them space to just do it.
Speaker 2:
[21:36] Yes, rather than me saying this is exactly how I want it done. And here's your list that I, you know, I just think giving them room and autonomy to learn and to do these things on and be okay with it not being perfect is like such a great gift.
Speaker 1:
[21:49] You can give them miles at his school. They've been learning about being proactive and he like really took it to heart. I don't know exactly what they did, but he came home like all motivated, like, I want to learn to be proactive. Like mom, I was proactive and I cleaned my room without you asking me. He's been taking all this pride in being proactive. I'm like, this is great. I need to teach all my kids this. Like, thank you to his school for teaching to be proactive. That's such a gift to your kids to let them be proactive and teach them to be proactive, but you can't do that if you are like white knuckling every single thing.
Speaker 2:
[22:23] If you're controlling everything, you have to be able to drop the ball sometimes and be okay with it. And this is also, I've thought about this in terms of, actually one of our friends was talking to me about this and I'm like, can we do the exact same thing in our house? She was bringing up library day at school and how if her son forgets his library book, then that's on him. And she said the first time it was like such a bummer. Like he was devastated and she was just like, I'm so sorry. But she was like, you know what? The second he got home from school that day, he went and grabbed his library book and put it in his backpack so that he didn't forget it the next week. And like, he will always know now that like that's his responsibility and he probably won't forget it. And I thought like, oh, we've done the exact same thing at our house. If it's show and tell day or if it's library day, it's kind of like, I can't keep track of those things, and honestly, not because I don't want to, I would love to. Every mom, I think, wants to overextend themselves.
Speaker 1:
[23:13] Wants to take care of their kids and feel like you're doing it right. Like you're on top of it. You want to be the mom that's on top of it, that's not letting things fall through the cracks.
Speaker 2:
[23:21] Absolutely.
Speaker 1:
[23:22] But if you're always so on top of it and you're not letting things fall through the cracks, you're not giving your kids that opportunity to learn how to do the same.
Speaker 2:
[23:29] No, for sure not. And with school things, there was a while, when your kid first goes to kindergarten, you're so on top of all the emails, all the... And it just got to the point where I'm like, my kids are all in sort of a different school situation and they all have different teachers and I'm getting different emails and they go to school different days of the week. And it was just, the papers are all different. It was just getting to be too much and things did start to fall through cracks. And the best thing that has happened from that is now my oldest son will, I don't have to read the emails. He'll come home and tell me what's going on. He will hand me the papers that need to be signed. He'll tell me if it's a special day he needs to dress up for. He'll tell me if he needs to bring something or if we need to worry about his lunch for a field trip, whatever it is. And I do obviously try to still be aware of what's going on. And I always follow up, if he tells me it's something tomorrow, I'm like, oh, better go check that email and make sure that he's not doing crazy hair day. That's not crazy hair day.
Speaker 1:
[24:28] Here's the thing, you're aware of the things like you really need to be aware of. But like these small things that aren't so important, like it's such a gift, I think, to let them own it.
Speaker 2:
[24:37] For sure. Even like it was a costume day and Brooks really wanted to dress up for it. And I'm like, I'm not buying a costume. Like this is crazy. Why did they, you know, why did they theme this day where every mom's gonna have to go out and buy a costume for it? And I'm just like, you are gonna have to make it work. And he did. Like he went through the house, like found what we had, totally took control over it. And it was something that I honestly felt bad about. Like I was like, I wish I had the capacity to go out and buy this costume, but that feels so unnecessary to me. I just can't do that. And it ended up being such a great thing. And I just think that mindset shift as a mom is what is so helpful to realize that like, oh, you know, maybe me dropping the ball isn't actually me dropping the ball. Like maybe it's actually a gift I'm giving my kids. Like it is reality. It is helping them grow up. It is helping them gain responsibility.
Speaker 1:
[25:27] Like if you want something done, you've got to take some initiative for it.
Speaker 2:
[25:31] Absolutely. You gotta be proactive.
Speaker 1:
[25:32] Yeah, you gotta be proactive. Yeah, and obviously like too, these are such, these are not like, you're not taking your kids to like a doc, like a necessary doctor's appointment. It's like these things are so low stakes that I think it's such a good practice to just let go of it. And I love this thought of, okay, we being at our max capacity is actually a blessing to our kids. It's not that we should have so much more to give. It's not that we don't have enough to give. It's that we're giving all we can give and they can do things for themselves as well.
Speaker 2:
[26:05] Absolutely.
Speaker 1:
[26:06] So I'm the oldest of five, as you know, and I remember being in like fourth grade and learning that some people's parents, like we always had to have our folders signed. I remember learning that some people's parents took their kid's folder out of their backpack and signed it for them and put it back. Like my parents signed it, like I had to get it out of my backpack and bring it to my parents, which feels so appropriate for a nine-year-old, you know? Like that's so fine. But I remember learning that like a lot of my classmates, their parents were taking out of their backpack and just being like-
Speaker 2:
[26:43] Just taking care of it fully for them.
Speaker 1:
[26:44] Mind blown. Be like, mom, that's nice. Like you should do that for me. But it really does like it builds confidence to know that you can take care of your own little things and even like having your own little space and keeping it clean. And you know, where my girl's room is such a just blank slate right now. You know, I made that real just joking, like Pierce calls it the orphanage because there's just absolutely no personality, just beds and like it's just it's just been so functional at this point. And I that's one of my goals for the year is I'm like, I get to have little girls once I want them to have a little totally. Oh, so I've been fine with it until now and I'm still going to be like taking my time with it. But I want to take that opportunity to have a cute little girl's room. So this year that's happening. But Miles, he's like, mom, why aren't you making my room cute? Like I want you to do that tomorrow. Miles is my oldest son and I told him like, Miles, I made your room cute and then you destroyed it. You did not take great care of it. The things that were on the walls have been taken off the wall because you threw balls at them. We can maybe try that again with your room in a little bit. But I did make your room cute and it hasn't been taking great care of. So we're not investing in that right now. I think that's tough, but it's a lesson, we got to learn it. I'm okay with my kids learning those lessons even though it's a good thing.
Speaker 2:
[28:10] No, it is hard. And exactly, that's the thing. I'm like, I would be doing all of those things if I could. Do you know what I mean? It's so much harder to hold back and be like, no, I'm not gonna do this because it's a lesson they need to learn. That's so tough. And I want to do all of it. And sometimes I'm just like, shoo, I just can't get to it. But then I'm watching them learn, I'm watching them do things for themselves. I'm watching Brooks pack his own lunch in the morning. And I'm like, this is invaluable. The confidence they gain from being able to do those things for themselves is huge. And then, yeah, just the skills and the responsibility and being proactive. And I mean, these are all things that you just, you can't really just teach.
Speaker 1:
[28:51] You have to let them. Okay, I need to have Miles pack his own lunch. That's a good one. That I honestly feel dumb that I'm like, I haven't even thought to have him pack his own lunch, but he absolutely could. And he would love to.
Speaker 2:
[29:01] No, again, fully born out of just incapacity on my end.
Speaker 1:
[29:06] That's the thing, too, though. If they're doing it when they're young, they'll love it, and it'll be fun. If they're like 15 and you're like, sorry, you're on your own now, then it's not fun. It's like, wait, you make my lunch. But if it starts when they're young, you capitalize on their enthusiasm. Who says that? I feel like all the parenting books say that. You've got to capitalize on their enthusiasm when they're young. So I feel like if you're giving them tasks that feel big, they're exciting and not overwhelming. I feel like it can be my job to make sure that we have all of the components for a healthy lunch, and it can be his job to assemble them and put them together.
Speaker 2:
[29:36] Absolutely.
Speaker 1:
[29:37] Absolutely capable of that. He would probably like it better.
Speaker 2:
[29:39] Oh, I'm sure he would. I know. And that's the other thing. They take some initiative in the things that they have control over. All of a sudden, they're proud of it. They're excited about it.
Speaker 1:
[29:46] Yeah.
Speaker 2:
[29:47] It feels good.
Speaker 1:
[29:49] Okay.
Speaker 2:
[29:50] You wanted to talk about self-care.
Speaker 1:
[29:53] Yes.
Speaker 2:
[29:53] I'm so excited to talk about this. I wrote down a few thoughts.
Speaker 1:
[29:56] Okay. I feel like I wanted to talk about this because so often self-care feels like a to-do list item, like, and honestly even overwhelming. And I saw-
Speaker 2:
[30:04] That is so true.
Speaker 1:
[30:05] Isn't it?
Speaker 2:
[30:07] The reels where the moms are like red light mask, self-tan, reading a book.
Speaker 1:
[30:12] Walking on the treadmill, just trying to do all of it. Like how often do you feel like that?
Speaker 2:
[30:16] Oh, they feel so accurate.
Speaker 1:
[30:17] Yeah. It's like, okay, I have one hour to myself, got to do my self-care to like show that I'm taking my care of myself and I'm prioritizing myself so I can jump as my best self, but like to do that, I got to do all of these things. Anyways, I saw this reel of this girl and she's like, stop telling me that a trip to the grocery store isn't self-care by myself. Like, I'm enjoying it. Just let me be, let me have this, like stop hating on my self-care. And honestly, I feel like I'm in that phase right now where is that a low form of self-care? Maybe, but like, let me have it, like let me enjoy my silence, let me do my like a small task alone, like let me take a 20-minute shower and call it self-care. Like I know that I need more, but I know it's basic hygiene, but like that's basic, like at this point, it feels like a luxury, okay? Like just let me have it. That's how I'm feeling right now.
Speaker 2:
[31:08] Oh my gosh, that's so funny.
Speaker 1:
[31:11] Okay, but you've seen that, right? Like people say like moms, mama, always.
Speaker 2:
[31:17] Mama.
Speaker 1:
[31:17] Mama, a shower is not self-care. Which like I get their point. Like, let it be true. But also like I don't have time to get a manicure. That's not happening for me. It's like, let me enjoy this, okay? Don't take the enjoyment out of it because I know I need it, okay?
Speaker 2:
[31:33] Absolutely. Okay, on that note, you are going to die at this. I saw some girls real talking about how she always smells good. Every time she leaves her house, she gets compliments on how she smells good. And so she walked through her smell good routine and I have made it a non-negotiable. I'm like, I get that this is just great hygiene, okay? I get it.
Speaker 1:
[31:53] A smell good routine?
Speaker 2:
[31:54] Yeah, literally she recommended a specific toothpaste, mouthwash, like literally the mouthwash actually gave me a chemical burn. So yeah, we won't be using that again. It's like all these like really strong essential oils. Oh, 100% I bought it. 100%. And no, because she looked like she smelled good. I know. Oh my gosh, I know, I know. You don't have to say anything.
Speaker 1:
[32:27] Okay, okay.
Speaker 2:
[32:28] But here's what she did. And I have been doing it. So she started with oral hygiene. My dad's a dentist. I've always been very careful about my oral hygiene, it took it up a level. I have literally been flossing my teeth every 12 hours.
Speaker 1:
[32:40] Okay.
Speaker 2:
[32:41] Morning and night. Why is that a game changer? I don't know what is.
Speaker 1:
[32:44] Good hygiene. That's self-care.
Speaker 2:
[32:46] It is self-care.
Speaker 1:
[32:47] That's an act of love for yourself.
Speaker 2:
[32:48] Who flosses their teeth every 12 hours? I don't know, but I've started to and I'm loving it.
Speaker 1:
[32:53] Good for you.
Speaker 2:
[32:55] And okay, so she started with that. The mouthwash was a loss, but we're going to go back to the other one that I do really like. And then she was like, I don't care if all you have done today is get out of bed. Everyone, including yourself, deserves a showered you.
Speaker 1:
[33:10] A showered you, that's cute.
Speaker 2:
[33:12] I'm like, true. I usually wait until after my workout to shower, because then I'm all sweaty. But I was like, you know what? If my workout's not happening, then that means I'm not getting my shower. And so I have made myself just like, get in the shower every morning, even if there's no plans of, or especially if there's no plans of working out. Anyway, just things like that. She went through all these things. And I had been, it just made me realize like, okay, I've been wanting to get a new deodorant for a really long time, because you know, the natural stuff, and does everyone have the same issue where we're all just jumping from-
Speaker 1:
[33:43] Cycling through natural things.
Speaker 2:
[33:45] 100%, one natural deodorant to the next. Like we're all just trying to find it, right?
Speaker 1:
[33:48] We're all living the same life.
Speaker 2:
[33:49] Yes. So anyway, I'd been wanting to get one for a long time. And this was honestly enough motivation to be like, okay, we're on the smell good routine. Like we're gonna find the new deodorant. So I like get the new deodorant. And I also have been loving, posted about it a couple of times. And I'm gonna have to remember to like link all of these things because I genuinely could just geek out over products forever. But the Oak Essentials Body Oil, I can't remember the full name of it, but it's their body oil. I love it so good.
Speaker 1:
[34:18] Okay, yeah, you posted about it.
Speaker 2:
[34:19] All of their products smell like you just stepped out of a spa in the best way.
Speaker 1:
[34:24] Amazing.
Speaker 2:
[34:24] And that paired with just my normal like daily, I think it's Nivea lotion is so hydrating. Anyway, so every single day I'm like doing my shower, I'm doing my body oil, which I had only saved for like these everything showers, right? But it's just this really quick little routine.
Speaker 1:
[34:41] No, this is self care.
Speaker 2:
[34:43] Oh.
Speaker 1:
[34:43] This is self care. This is beyond basic hygiene. This is self care.
Speaker 2:
[34:46] It is, but it's like so, it honestly is laughable. Like when I started telling Johnny I was doing this, he's like, you're joking, right?
Speaker 1:
[34:54] You're like, I put on lotion every day after the shower. I feel so-
Speaker 2:
[34:57] I shower every morning. Imagine that.
Speaker 1:
[34:59] No, honestly, if I put lotion on every day, I would be like, I'm taking care of myself. Right? That would feel, yeah. That's a big deal.
Speaker 2:
[35:06] Fresh-shaven legs with a lotion of body oil every morning. Like, no, don't tell me that is not the most luxurious.
Speaker 1:
[35:13] That is a luxury if I do not have that frequently. To be clear, I shower every day, but the fresh-shaven legs and the lotion and like the routine.
Speaker 2:
[35:21] Oil.
Speaker 1:
[35:22] Yeah, that's amazing.
Speaker 2:
[35:23] Ooh, no, I'm loving it. Anyway, so yeah, bought the deodorant I liked, and these are just silly, silly, silly little things.
Speaker 1:
[35:30] But is that not what being a mom is? It's just like luxuriating in those simple pleasures.
Speaker 2:
[35:34] Just like taking the little moment.
Speaker 1:
[35:35] Yes. Like, let yourself have that, because it does like ultimately take like, what, two extra minutes, but it's self-care.
Speaker 2:
[35:43] Absolutely.
Speaker 1:
[35:44] And we're gonna let you have it.
Speaker 2:
[35:45] And I tell myself that as I'm getting ready.
Speaker 1:
[35:46] I'm like, no, we're not skipping this.
Speaker 2:
[35:48] This makes me feel good. Like, this is my moment.
Speaker 1:
[35:52] Yeah, this is your moment.
Speaker 2:
[35:54] Anyway, I'm loving those little self-care things.
Speaker 1:
[35:57] Okay, another one that I was thinking is making myself a good lunch. This is an insight into my mental and physical state the last little bit. I. This feels really embarrassing to admit, but it's just true. I realized that I could just, you know those like Ardell's Chicken Sausages? I think that's what they're called. But you can buy them like a big packet pack at Costco. I've realized I can see them cold out of the fridge, just straight out of the fridge. I ate some protein with no effort. Like, my go-to snack.
Speaker 2:
[36:39] Stop it.
Speaker 1:
[36:42] Literally so gross. Just cold, just cold, just straight out of like, got some protein. This is a confession.
Speaker 2:
[36:47] This went from a self-care to this full confessions episode.
Speaker 1:
[36:54] No, it's not good, but it's like, it's so hard to get enough protein in it. And I'm like, I'm trying to eat. I'm trying to take care of myself, but it's like, sometimes I'm just like running out the door and I'm just like, gotta grab a sausage to like not on the way to the gym. No, it's not good, but all that to say like, when I take the time-
Speaker 2:
[37:18] You're like, I deserve more.
Speaker 1:
[37:19] I do deserve more. And when I give myself more, I want to give myself some credit for it, okay? Like, I want to acknowledge it as self care. And yes, it's just like basic, like eating like the basic for me right now, like the not self care, just like bottom like of the barrel right here is eating a cold chicken sausage out of the fridge, okay? It's like, if I take the time to like meal prep myself a lunch, then I actually get a good healthy lunch. And you know, is that basic self respect? Yes. But will I luxuriate in it? Yes, I will. Yes, I will. Oh my gosh, I love that. Didn't plan on sharing that today, but.
Speaker 2:
[38:00] That's how I'm feeling about the, sometimes I accidentally skip a shower, but that's okay. You know what?
Speaker 1:
[38:05] I'm still a clean person, I promise. And you have a smell good routine. No one's thinking you're gross. You have a smell good routine.
Speaker 2:
[38:11] I'm newly adopted smell good routine. Okay. One of the things that I was thinking through is just using my time wisely in like some very, very small ways.
Speaker 1:
[38:22] Yes. Okay.
Speaker 2:
[38:23] But for example, I have started to tell myself like, this is self care when I want to go to bed early. And instead of making myself like, not even making myself like, sometimes I just kill time scrolling on my phone. We all do that.
Speaker 1:
[38:37] Yeah.
Speaker 2:
[38:37] Or, you know, maybe I'm gonna spend extra time picking up the whole house or whatever. There are times where you're just like, you feel like, oh, my bedtime's at 10, 10.30. Like I'm gonna do my things until that time. And I've started realizing like, I can go to bed at nine. I can't like, I don't have to stay up until 10. And being able to make that conscious decision of like, I'm gonna use my time wisely. I'm gonna intentionally go to bed early because it's self care. All of a sudden, it makes it feel amazing.
Speaker 1:
[39:07] Okay, love it.
Speaker 2:
[39:08] You know what I mean?
Speaker 1:
[39:09] Yeah.
Speaker 2:
[39:09] Or my other example of this is using my time intentionally with Johnny at night. We can just absolutely kill time next to each other, just like parallel activities. Like we're never actually connecting. We correspond to each other. But I've realized that using that hour, hour and a half at night to just be intentional with each other and like look each other in the eyes, have a meaningful conversation that again, I'm like, I'm treating that as self-care. That's something I get excited about. Like I get excited to think like, oh, we get to hang out.
Speaker 1:
[39:44] This is so fun.
Speaker 2:
[39:44] We get a mini date, you know, any night of the week from nine to 10.
Speaker 1:
[39:48] This is great.
Speaker 2:
[39:50] So anyway, just those like little moments of rather than just being sort of accidental with my time, being just a little bit more thoughtful. I feel like feels luxurious. It makes me enjoy my day.
Speaker 1:
[40:02] Yeah, I absolutely agree. A couple of things about that. I have the brick. I know you have the brick. I love the brick. One thing that I've done is I shut my phone off at 8.30. So I usually try and get my girls down early. Pierce usually puts our oldest to bed. And I have usually from 7.15 to 8.30, where I'm trying to do whatever work on my phone. And then my phone bricks at 8.30, which I have loved because at that point, it's like, okay, my screen time is over. Sometimes I'll unbrick it if I'm trying to finish up a last minute thing. But after that, it's no unintentional screen time after 8.30, which I've really liked that. And then also one mindset shift that has been really big for me. I have really cared in the past about putting my house to bed. And it still helps me so much. If I can make sure everything's picked up, make sure it's clean, feel good about that, that feels great. And then waking up to that feels so great. But also I will say there has to be a point where I'm like, I could do chores until 1 a.m. Oh, absolutely. Every single night. I just have to reach a point where I'm like, no, I am done. The house might not be clean, but I am done for the day. I am clocking out and it is late and I deserve to have time to myself. And I feel like this is funny. We're having a conversation about self-care and we're literally talking about doing chores and stopping the chores at a reasonable hour and making ourselves lunch and showering and having those little luxuries. But really, I feel like we will do ourselves a favor when we can acknowledge these things as self-care and not feel like self-care is something so big that we have to conquer every day. And I love a good walk by myself. That's one of my favorite things to do. I love to go to a hot Pilates class. There are other things that I like to do that feel bigger and feel important.
Speaker 2:
[41:52] Absolutely, require much more planning.
Speaker 1:
[41:54] Yes. And I think those are really important, too. But my day-to-day self-care, they are these little things.
Speaker 2:
[42:02] Absolutely. Okay, last thing I was thinking about, and you know this is something I admire in my mother-in-law. She's so darling and she just genuinely seems like she just enjoys her life. She just doesn't ever feel so in a rush. Like nothing's ever this huge deal, you know? She's just like sort of leisurely spending her days and like gets truly so much done. It's shocking. And Johnny and I are always, we come back from visiting them and we're like, how does she do it? Like, how does she get dinner? Like this level of dinner ready in 35 minutes. It makes no possible sense.
Speaker 1:
[42:35] It's like easy for her, she's not stressed.
Speaker 2:
[42:37] Like it's literally a time warp. We're like, what? Anyway, but one of the things that she loves classic movies and at any given point in the day, and she also loves Korean dramas.
Speaker 1:
[42:51] Okay, cute.
Speaker 2:
[42:51] So at any given point in the day, like she'll be making dinner, she'll have like a Korean drama on her iPad and just like watching it while she's cooking.
Speaker 1:
[42:58] Just like enjoying herself.
Speaker 2:
[43:00] Literally just enjoying herself. It's one of my favorite things about her. And I quickly realized like one of the best ways for us to connect was if I was at her house and she's like, Hey, like I've never seen this movie before. And she gets so excited to show it to me. And I'm so excited to actually sit down and watch a movie and connect with her. Like it's the best thing. Anyway, I have tried to just adopt the tiniest, tiniest bit of that. I get that she's in a completely different phase of life than I am, but I'm like, I can still have reflections of that in just like very, very small ways. And instead of if I have five minutes and I sit down, heaven forbid, instead of again, pulling out my phone, I've tried to be really intentional about what that looks like. So if I'm cooking and maybe I'm like waiting on something that's like sauteing in a pan, instead of like pulling my phone out and scrolling while I'm standing there, I will like pull out one of my cookbooks that I want to flip through and like very intentionally be like, I'm looking through this cookbook while I'm cooking tonight because it's fun because I'm liking reading what it says, or I want to read through these ingredients or whatever. So I'll do that. Or I purchased a bunch of 90s Arthur Stewart Living magazines for myself. And that's another thing. Like if I can sit down for five minutes, like I will sit down and flip through a magazine. Or sometimes I will even turn on like a family friendly show or movie, something typically that probably I grew up with that it's, you know, it's not like, oh, I'm turning this on for everyone to sit down and watch. But if you happen to be hanging out and it's, you know, on in the background, like it's enjoyable for everyone.
Speaker 1:
[44:37] Yeah.
Speaker 2:
[44:38] So I've tried to just like think a little bit more about those things and spending just five minutes. It does feel luxurious. And it also feels like they're just these tiny little pieces in your day that you're just kind of jumping from one like lovely moment to the next.
Speaker 1:
[44:52] I love that thought so much. There's a book that we read, How to Break Up with Your Phone.
Speaker 2:
[44:57] Yes.
Speaker 1:
[44:58] We read it forever ago for the podcast. Yeah, I think so. Wow, that feels like a really long time ago. But one tip that she gave in that book that I've always remembered is she talked about writing down a list of things that you want to do. So whenever you're going to pick up your phone to scroll, and I have not been very good about actually writing it down. I should. But I have thought about that a lot. Like, OK, what are the things I want to get done tonight? So it's not just like, oh, I just sat and scrolled on my phone for a couple of hours and had time for bed. I like to have like, OK, I want to do this face mask. I want to start this book. I want to organize this closet. And inevitably, there are always a lot of tours on there, too. But I like to just be focused in what I want to do, because if I don't know what I want to do, then I just end up on my phone.
Speaker 2:
[45:40] And letting it be like a sort of extra list, not like I need to email this teacher or I need to.
Speaker 1:
[45:45] Yeah, no, this is like a fun list of little pleasures. Like, look through this cookbook or like, plan out my flower garden or plan out my flower garden, just little things like that.
Speaker 2:
[45:55] Love that idea. I'm going to go home and write myself a list.
Speaker 1:
[45:58] And then you can even just leave it on your fridge and then just keep referring back to that.
Speaker 2:
[46:02] Perfect.
Speaker 1:
[46:03] Those little tiny projects that you want to be working on.
Speaker 2:
[46:06] Oh, that's a great idea. I love that. Okay. Lastly, I wanted to catch up on our little shopping.
Speaker 1:
[46:14] Why is this so fun? I love talking about this.
Speaker 2:
[46:17] I do too. I'm like, hopefully it's interesting to listen because I talk about this all day.
Speaker 1:
[46:21] We'll talk about it. Okay. I had this realization though.
Speaker 2:
[46:24] Become a staple now.
Speaker 1:
[46:26] For sure. I like dressing. I like just dressing well all the time. It's something that I think is fun. But I realized in spring and summer, it feels a little bit more challenging just to do it in a way that like works well for my lifestyle and for how I want to dress.
Speaker 2:
[46:44] That is so true.
Speaker 1:
[46:44] It's so much more of a challenge and I actually find myself enjoying it more, which is surprising. Like because it's harder, I think it's more fun. And so I spend more time looking for outfit inspiration and trying to come up with these different things. And I actually, rather than thinking it's so frustrating, which sometimes it does feel frustrating, but most of the time it feels like a fun challenge and I spend more time thinking about my spring and summer clothes because of it.
Speaker 2:
[47:09] Okay. That's interesting. I definitely feel like the extra time it takes to, I'm like, I wish this was easier. But every fall I'm always like, Ooh, I'm so chic. The second you can pull out a jacket, I was just like, it's low effort.
Speaker 1:
[47:23] I do love fall and winter too. I just feel like I give it a lot less like mental energy.
Speaker 2:
[47:28] Absolutely.
Speaker 1:
[47:29] In the fall and winter. Just feels like it easier.
Speaker 2:
[47:31] It feels so much easier. And I'm still like, I haven't hit my stride spring and summer for sure. But okay, I will say I added quite a few things. I don't know if I mentioned. To your list?
Speaker 1:
[47:42] You're keeping a list, right?
Speaker 2:
[47:43] Yes.
Speaker 1:
[47:44] Okay, let's hear.
Speaker 2:
[47:45] Which I should have just put the list in here, but now I'm going to have to remember. Okay, recall. So I don't know if I mentioned this already, but we did a closet sale and I did purchase this jacket, actually, that I'm wearing from cute Melissa. And yeah, it's an oversized brown leather jacket. Love it so much. Okay. Also, Melissa changed the game. She said something that I haven't even told her.
Speaker 1:
[48:10] Our personal stylist friend?
Speaker 2:
[48:12] Okay. So Melissa, how do you say her last name?
Speaker 1:
[48:15] Is it Flippy?
Speaker 2:
[48:16] Flippy.
Speaker 1:
[48:17] Yeah.
Speaker 2:
[48:17] Oh, is it like Flippy?
Speaker 1:
[48:18] And we have to share her because she has the best outfit. Yes.
Speaker 2:
[48:20] So we will specifically, yes, again, reference the show notes. Also, we can share her in stories. She's so cute, has the cutest, cutest style.
Speaker 1:
[48:28] Yes, she does.
Speaker 2:
[48:29] It's so chic and so cool at the same time. Okay. So she just started this styling business, which is just perfect for her. Anyway, she said something about how, well, she has all, offers all these different services. And one of the things that she was saying is she'll kind of go through your current wardrobe and sort of edit it. And she talked about how one of the first things that she will look at if she does that is if the items that you have in your wardrobe are filling the function that you need in your life. And she just, for example, was saying, if you have a lot of going out clothes, but maybe you really don't go out very often, or you work in an office, but maybe you don't have any office clothes. You have a lot of casual wear. She was just saying like, you need to make sure that the pieces you're investing in really fit the function that you need them to in your life. And it was perfect timing because I had been looking at this beautiful dough and dress that I really would love. But that being said, I have a lot of really beautiful dresses and if I need a dress for a wedding or Easter or whatever it is, whatever the occasion, I have them. I have a few options to choose from. But what I really need right now is not another beautiful dough and dress. I actually like, how often, you know, do I actually need that? And I do think there's a purpose for it. But again, like I kind of have that purpose filled right now.
Speaker 1:
[50:02] And you're not also not someone who like wears a dough and dress like on a day to day basis.
Speaker 2:
[50:07] Yeah, no, 100%. Absolutely not either. And I would like to be, but I'm just like, that is not the phase we're in. It made me realize I actually need casual clothes. And those are the hardest for me to buy. Like it's really easy for me to find a really flattering, lovely dress. It's really hard for me to find a pair of casual flattering pants. And it just had me realizing like I've been avoiding making these purchases because they're hard rather than, you know, I've been-
Speaker 1:
[50:34] So you're investing in the wrong things in your-
Speaker 2:
[50:36] Yes. I'm doing the things that are easier, but like then I'm filling my closet with things you don't wear. That I don't need.
Speaker 1:
[50:41] Yeah.
Speaker 2:
[50:42] And so anyway, that being said, I went to the mall last week and I went fully with the intention of like, I need casual clothes and things that-
Speaker 1:
[50:50] And that's fun too, cause you got to go with the budget cause you had just sold all your closet.
Speaker 2:
[50:53] Exactly.
Speaker 1:
[50:53] That's the best feeling.
Speaker 2:
[50:56] It was so fun. My mom was like, oh my gosh, you were hyper. And that made me laugh because I didn't feel like I was, but I did have the thought on the way home. I'm like, I just had retail therapy and I haven't had it in years and it was the best.
Speaker 1:
[51:07] Okay, wait, I have to tell you, a girl had just, a girl bought a dress for me that I'd bought from the Dow and Sell, but it didn't fit me quite right postpartum. So I was, I had it on Facebook Marketplace and she had just sold like all of her clothes at like one of those resale boutiques. And so she came over and bought it for me and I'm like, I am so happy for you right now. She was just like riding this wave of like, just having like a budget to spend on clothes. Like that's just the best feeling about selling your clothes. Just knowing like, all right, I'm focused. I've got a budget, like let's go.
Speaker 2:
[51:42] Absolutely, absolutely. And I feel like it's been a long time. I way prefer to shop in person than online. And it's just been a long time since I feel like, I mean, this is a whole other topic, but I feel like stores do not carry good inventory in store. Everything good is online. So it's been a long time since I've gone to the mall and been like, that was a great shopping spree. I just often feel like I wanted to find something and I couldn't find anything. So anyway, I don't know, the stars aligned this day, I bought, which again, I'll have to link, you commented on it. I bought a sort of tech jacket, like high neck, windbreaker-y style. Anyway, really cute, like white jacket. Okay, I got one of those. I got actually two pairs of black sort of sweatpants. I bought them both just so I could wear them at home and like try them on with shoes and jackets and see what I liked. But again, I was like, I need a pair of pants that I can throw on when my hair is not done, my makeup's not done. Like I'm running to school drop off or whatever it is. There is no worse feeling in the world than like being kind of gross and having to put jeans on. Like, oh, oh, that makes me gag. I'm just like, oh, I hate it. Anyways, I'm like, I need casual pants that just fit the general energy of that errand, you know? Okay, so I got those. I also purchased, oh, a new pair of sweatpants.
Speaker 1:
[53:08] Okay.
Speaker 2:
[53:08] Just my old ones were from Brandy Melville and they had gotten to the point I'd painted in them, which I actually didn't mind a ton. So they like had some paint on them, but they are so worn out. I was wearing them around and they literally like the seams were coming undone in the center.
Speaker 1:
[53:24] That's a good feeling though. It was a good purchase when you wear it down.
Speaker 2:
[53:27] And how often, I just wasn't letting myself buy new sweatpants because I'm like, oh, I could buy something so much prettier. And I was like, no, this is like her. Melissa gave me permission to be like, this is what I need.
Speaker 1:
[53:38] I'm going to invest in those ways and things like that. Yeah.
Speaker 2:
[53:41] So I, anyway, purchased a pair of sweatpants. I'm obsessed with them. I put them on every night. They're so comfortable. Fabric's amazing. And, oh, a really lovely yellow, just like classic yellow tee.
Speaker 1:
[53:55] Amazing.
Speaker 2:
[53:56] Really darling.
Speaker 1:
[53:56] I love you in yellow.
Speaker 2:
[53:57] And another oversized denim jacket with a navy corduroy collar that I've been wanting for, honestly, like almost a year now. So I hold the trigger on that.
Speaker 1:
[54:06] Good for you.
Speaker 2:
[54:07] Okay. So that was what I added to it.
Speaker 1:
[54:08] And those are like so wearable. Like you'll wear all of those things every single week.
Speaker 2:
[54:11] And then I did order and it hasn't come yet, but Buck, it was an Instagram reel, it got me. Buck Mason has these like, how do you know?
Speaker 1:
[54:21] Are they the pants? Yep, the pants. I got that reel too. And they're so good.
Speaker 2:
[54:25] They're cute, huh? But I am super anxious because I don't know, I am really picky about pants, but they're on their way. I did get the white ones, so I hope they're not too see-through, but they felt like a good pair of casual pants.
Speaker 1:
[54:35] I should be debating them. They're good. Especially for the spring summer.
Speaker 2:
[54:38] Validation.
Speaker 1:
[54:39] When you don't want to be like wearing. Oh, thank you. But like, I feel like those are perfect, especially white when you like don't want to feel so hot or like look so hot, but you like don't want to be in shorts.
Speaker 2:
[54:47] Absolutely. Yeah. So anyway, that's the roundup. That was a lot.
Speaker 1:
[54:52] Good for you. Okay. I have to tell you, I made this goal at the beginning of the year. I'm going to put every single thing that I purchase on a list and like, just to really hold myself accountable. Like, is it worth putting on a list? Am I going to like look back at this at the end of the year and feel like mad at myself that I bought this thing that I never wore that was just like a dumb purchase? Anyway, made that goal in January and now come April. I'm like, I don't identify with that. I would like to buy it. I would like a whole new wardrobe, please. I made that goal for myself when I had just spent so much money in the winter. I was super over it. And now I'm like, I would like to buy some spring clothes and I don't want to feel bad about it. I will say that that's the beauty of the list, is I never said how many things I could put on it.
Speaker 2:
[55:43] Absolutely. You just have to put it down.
Speaker 1:
[55:45] Yes.
Speaker 2:
[55:45] 100%.
Speaker 1:
[55:46] So I just have to not be ashamed of myself for how big it's going to go. But it's making me more intentional. It really is. But maybe more intentional than I want to be.
Speaker 2:
[55:59] There's a lot of a few accidental purchases in there.
Speaker 1:
[56:01] Yeah. Oh my gosh. But I did buy on our, we just went on a girl's trip, which we haven't even talked about, but we went on a little girl's trip and we stopped on the way up. We stopped at an antique store and I got these blue, like Western style boots. I'm so excited about them. And I also decided if it's second hand, I'm not putting it on my list. That does not count.
Speaker 2:
[56:24] I like the rule.
Speaker 1:
[56:26] So those are not going on the list. But anyways, love them. That's a really fun new purchase. And then honestly, I cannot resist like a good white lightweight. Summer top. I thought of you.
Speaker 2:
[56:37] Okay, fine.
Speaker 1:
[56:38] I'm happy with them. So, but I will say there have been a couple of times where I've bought something and it's just like not quite perfect. And I'm like so annoyed that I put it on my list because it just doesn't fit quite right. Or like I washed it and then I don't like it.
Speaker 2:
[56:53] And I'm like, okay. Then you're like, dang it. It's on the list.
Speaker 1:
[56:56] It's on the list. It's on the list and it's not quite right. So I've had a couple of those, but honestly, just like a couple of tops. Oh, and then we've both been obsessed with the Alex Mill overalls forever. I've wanted them forever. They are on Nordstrom Rack for half off in white. And I love white overalls.
Speaker 2:
[57:15] Same.
Speaker 1:
[57:16] So I got them and I loved them.
Speaker 2:
[57:18] I saw the link and I was like, this says Nordstrom Rack. And I meant to, anyway, I was going to ask you about it.
Speaker 1:
[57:23] Yeah, I bought them. I love them.
Speaker 2:
[57:25] We might be matching.
Speaker 1:
[57:26] I might exchange them for a smaller size, but I love them. They're so good. Let's match. I love overalls and I love White Overalls, even though they're less practical. But I just literally wanted them forever.
Speaker 2:
[57:36] I remember two more things on my list.
Speaker 1:
[57:37] I'm so happy to put them on my list. Okay, what's on your list?
Speaker 2:
[57:42] Okay, briefly. I should have said the brands, just so people could go look them up. If you're like me, you're like taking note. I will say my gray sweats are Lululemon. And the material is insane. I compared them with the Aritzia ones and I actually prefer the Lulule ones a lot. And then also the Tech Jacket is Lululemon as well. Anyway, if you want to go look them up. Okay, but then I was thinking, I have had some little gardening projects. I'm like trying to work on my front yard and do some window boxes and things. Anyway, I purchased a pair of garden clogs that I'm really excited about.
Speaker 1:
[58:16] Oh, fun.
Speaker 2:
[58:17] I actually think I went with, I really did a lot of research and it was just like comparing price point versus washability, you know, all the things. And I actually think I ended up going, maybe I'll be surprised when the mail comes, I'm not sure. I think I went with the bombas, just sort of like a slip on clog. So it's that, you know, you could hose it off material. So I did those. And then I'm really excited. I bought a lack of color sun hat in white that I think will just be like the cutest little garden hat.
Speaker 1:
[58:46] You're going to be so cute this summer. Can't wait to see.
Speaker 2:
[58:50] Anyway, I had to add those too.
Speaker 1:
[58:53] I like finding joy in shopping because I feel like, I am just a completely different size than I was last summer. I was eight months pregnant last summer. I need, I'm sorry. I feel very justified in shopping.
Speaker 2:
[59:08] No, I definitely, and the thing is it compounds because you kind of like lose a few pieces after one pregnancy. But once you've had so many pregnancies in a row, then you're like, oh, my entire wardrobe either doesn't fit or is now 10 years old and out of style. And so it's like, you kind of do have to do a little, I don't know, maybe we're fully justifying it, but.
Speaker 1:
[59:27] But I'm okay with it.
Speaker 2:
[59:28] Yeah, we'll be done talking about shopping now, but that was fun.
Speaker 1:
[59:31] But we had a ball.
Speaker 2:
[59:33] Had a blast. Thanks for chatting with me about it.
Speaker 1:
[59:36] Okay, well, I think that's all we have for today, but I'm excited for our next episode. We'll talk all about friendship. I think we should ask for some submissions too.
Speaker 2:
[59:43] Ooh, love. Okay, definitely.
Speaker 1:
[59:45] Thank you so much for being with us. Please don't forget to check out our Kindred Conversation Cards. We have our Girls Night Edition on our website. We will link that and everything else we talked about in the show notes, and we will be with you next month.