transcript

Speaker 1:
[00:00] The 93X Half-Assed Morning Show.

Speaker 2:
[00:11] Yeah, that poor fishy.

Speaker 3:
[00:13] Oh, don't you dare. Don't you dare.

Speaker 2:
[00:16] Oh, time can be a cruel bitch. Oh. Right, Cubby?

Speaker 3:
[00:21] What a terrible way to start the war.

Speaker 2:
[00:24] What, we were listening to that song by that old band from back in the day.

Speaker 3:
[00:29] I enjoy it quite a bit.

Speaker 2:
[00:33] Faith No More.

Speaker 3:
[00:34] Yep, they have a couple really, really, really good songs.

Speaker 2:
[00:37] Poor fishy. Yeah. At the end of the music video, there's a fish.

Speaker 3:
[00:42] There's a guy we used to work with that any time that song came on, he would say the same thing at the end of it. Poor fishy. And if you haven't seen the music video, you have no idea what we're talking about. There's a fish flapping around at the end. And almost to the point where I wanted the song to cut off before the endings, so we wouldn't have to hear that.

Speaker 2:
[01:00] Here we are. Just a few minutes ago, we were all sound asleep. Next thing you know, the mics are live and we've got a job to do. Welcome to the 93X Half-Assed Morning Show. It's our special Earth Day broadcast, don't you know?

Speaker 4:
[01:13] It's a big one.

Speaker 5:
[01:15] Whatever happened to Earth Day?

Speaker 2:
[01:17] Now, some of you might be too young to remember, but there was a time when they really beat us over the friggin skull with that Earth Day gimmick.

Speaker 3:
[01:26] Oh yeah, we would have, like, I would say at least half of our classes on Earth Day would talk about something Earth Day related.

Speaker 4:
[01:34] And they still do. My wife is a second grade teacher and she said today is all Earth Day curriculum.

Speaker 3:
[01:39] Did she say what kind of stuff? I wonder if it's changed much.

Speaker 4:
[01:42] I'll ask her. If she's awake, text me. But yeah, she said that today is different. She doesn't have to do the normal, like math, science, all that kind of stuff. It's just a whole last day of Earth Day material.

Speaker 6:
[01:53] That's fun.

Speaker 2:
[01:54] What the hell ever happened to Earth Day? People would gather in large numbers to pick up trash in the woods. There were other earthy things happening from one end of town to the other on Earth Day. If you didn't get involved, this is what I remember also. If you disregarded Earth Day years ago, you would get side-eyed. I think it was mostly in the 1990s. Maybe it was just a more environmentally aware era, the 90s. Today, nobody really says Dick Tracy about Earth Day.

Speaker 3:
[02:24] Maybe it was built for free labor because one of the things we do as a school, we'd run around and they made it perfect, so exciting for us, like we're doing this great thing. We would run around outside and pick up all the trash.

Speaker 2:
[02:36] That's right.

Speaker 3:
[02:37] So it's like a spring thing. You had a whole winter of trash going everywhere.

Speaker 2:
[02:41] So yeah, this was the 90s. You were in high school.

Speaker 3:
[02:43] Yeah, free labor is what that was.

Speaker 2:
[02:45] They really, they pinned us and held us down and made us try to care about Earth Day back in that era. Now, you never hear word one about it.

Speaker 6:
[02:56] My mom's cleaning up trash today. Her and her work at FedEx. Yeah, they're like going by some river somewhere and cleaning up trash. That's supposed to be like 85 degrees today. I was like, that does not sound fun.

Speaker 2:
[03:13] I used to know a guy who would make his own pants out of hemp. That was back in the 90s. Remember when you couldn't cross the street without someone telling you about the benefits of hemp?

Speaker 3:
[03:23] Oh yeah. It seems like that's not as big anymore. Maybe that still is and I'm out of the hemp circles.

Speaker 2:
[03:28] It's just like Earth Day.

Speaker 3:
[03:30] My parents used to make their own outfits.

Speaker 2:
[03:32] It's not as big as it used to be. What did your parents make their outfits from?

Speaker 3:
[03:36] I don't know. If my mom's listening, that's Dana.

Speaker 2:
[03:38] Dried manure. They were deep, dark, hippie dippies. Yeah.

Speaker 3:
[03:45] I mentioned before they made their wedding outfits. What's going on, man?

Speaker 6:
[03:50] It's cool that they could do that.

Speaker 5:
[03:52] Sure.

Speaker 2:
[03:53] I don't know if cool is the word, but I know a guy who used to make his own pants. And you know what?

Speaker 5:
[03:59] They looked terrible.

Speaker 3:
[04:00] Oh, did they?

Speaker 2:
[04:01] They looked awful. But he was really proud about the fact that he would sit at home and weave hemp until he had a pair of pants.

Speaker 3:
[04:13] I never knew how lucky my wife is. Today's her birthday. Growing up, that sucks having to share your birthday with just a giant holiday like Earth Day. It's completely ignored. Nobody wants to talk about your birthday.

Speaker 4:
[04:25] Having a birthday on Earth Day is worse than having a birthday on Christmas.

Speaker 3:
[04:28] Way worse.

Speaker 4:
[04:29] No doubt about it.

Speaker 3:
[04:30] Way worse. The Earth Day is the star of the show. So happy birthday to my wife. I didn't know she was lucky enough. She shares a birthday with 609. Happy birthday to you too, 609. I haven't seen a text from 609 before.

Speaker 2:
[04:44] I'm not familiar. Happy birthday to your wife. Okay, this must be it. And I just wasn't aware of it. I didn't know we had won the battle. I was wondering aloud, how come nobody makes any noise about Earth Day anymore? Jesus, back in the 90s, you turn on the television, there was something earthy going on, right? Okay, I guess we won the battle. It's over. 651 to 715. Jesus says, we saved the earth. The 90s kids saved the earth. So that's why they don't, there's nothing to do anymore. It's over.

Speaker 3:
[05:21] Yeah, we did it.

Speaker 6:
[05:23] Good for you.

Speaker 3:
[05:23] USA, USA, we saved the world.

Speaker 6:
[05:26] Stop it.

Speaker 2:
[05:28] I didn't know that.

Speaker 3:
[05:28] You kids that graduated in the 2000s, what did you do?

Speaker 2:
[05:31] Nothing.

Speaker 3:
[05:32] We saved the world.

Speaker 2:
[05:34] Okay.

Speaker 6:
[05:35] Maybe it's more like, hey, there's no saving we can do, so we might as well just not do anything.

Speaker 3:
[05:43] You guys have given up?

Speaker 6:
[05:44] Yeah, maybe that's the situation.

Speaker 2:
[05:47] The 90s kids solved all the problems. I'm sorry, I missed that announcement.

Speaker 7:
[05:53] That's awesome.

Speaker 3:
[05:56] I like the ability to take credit for things we had very little to do with. I can tell you, we cleaned up around our school.

Speaker 4:
[06:03] I think Ashley's right, though. The damage has been done to this point. My wife will get on me if I put something in the recycling that belongs in the trash or vice versa, and I think, you know, I don't think this is going to be the thing that puts us over the top, and we're going to face the inevitability at this point.

Speaker 6:
[06:19] We're too far gone.

Speaker 4:
[06:20] We're way too far gone.

Speaker 3:
[06:21] I wonder if any of our friends in that type of business can let us know. I've heard before that nowadays it doesn't matter where you toss it, it all goes to the same place.

Speaker 4:
[06:32] I've heard too.

Speaker 3:
[06:32] So I don't know if that's true or not. I don't know if things do get recycled, but I've heard for the most part that's how it goes.

Speaker 4:
[06:37] And she acts like as if I just took a dump on the kitchen floor. Like she's so shocked. Like, how would you put styrofoam in the recycling?

Speaker 6:
[06:46] I get shamed for that stuff too. Like, chill.

Speaker 2:
[06:48] Is your wife earthy?

Speaker 4:
[06:50] A little bit, yeah. Well, she's teaching Earth Day curriculum today, so yeah.

Speaker 2:
[06:55] She's doing what?

Speaker 4:
[06:56] She's teaching Earth Day curriculum today, like I said, the beginning.

Speaker 2:
[06:58] Oh, right.

Speaker 4:
[06:59] All day Earth Day in school today.

Speaker 2:
[07:02] OK, some people are texting in saying, you know, some of those folks in the 90s who were walking around picking up trash, some of those folks didn't give two pumps about Earth Day. That was something called community service. And sure, I'm aware of that. There's that crew out there too. They contribute to helping our planet by getting two, three DWIs and then walking up and down the freeway on a Saturday morning and stabbing trash.

Speaker 4:
[07:32] Oh, yeah.

Speaker 3:
[07:32] I had a couple of buddies that have done that.

Speaker 4:
[07:34] Sure.

Speaker 3:
[07:34] IT Systems, Jesus, this is a little aside, but what about time capsules? He said, yeah, we did those in school. And I think about it, they never opened them up.

Speaker 6:
[07:42] Yeah, same here.

Speaker 3:
[07:43] We had to write, hey, where do you want to be? And by the time you graduate high school, It was all a scam.

Speaker 2:
[07:48] I guess so.

Speaker 6:
[07:49] I want to read that.

Speaker 3:
[07:49] They're trying to steal our identities or something.

Speaker 2:
[07:52] Nobody's fourth grade class ever got together again and cracked open the time capsule. It was just, they were just giving you something to do to keep you out of trouble. That's all it was.

Speaker 6:
[08:02] What the heck? Now I'm mad about it.

Speaker 2:
[08:04] They never buried the box, nothing. It was all a scam.

Speaker 6:
[08:08] Man.

Speaker 2:
[08:10] Did any of these ever go through an earthy stage?

Speaker 6:
[08:12] No. What do you mean?

Speaker 2:
[08:14] An earthy, a hippy-dippy earthy stage. You don't know what that is?

Speaker 6:
[08:20] Yeah, I guess. A little bit, yeah. Well, I just told you guys about this and you said that that was very hippy-ish of me. The summer where I got really into kayaking and would shove that thing in the back of my Volkswagen Beetle listening to the Red Hot Chili Peppers. Smoked a lot of weed.

Speaker 2:
[08:37] I do remember that. Josh, I once had a tie-dye T-shirt.

Speaker 3:
[08:43] Did it have a band name on it or anything?

Speaker 2:
[08:45] I'm getting there. Yeah. Yes, it did. I had a tie-dye T-shirt and it had Fred Flintstone on the front of the T-shirt. Can anyone finish the joke for me already? I thought maybe Cubby could. Okay, it's tie-dye.

Speaker 3:
[09:06] Like stoners, something Flintstoners?

Speaker 5:
[09:09] You're close.

Speaker 3:
[09:10] Flintstoned?

Speaker 5:
[09:10] You're close.

Speaker 2:
[09:11] It's Fred Flintstone. It's a tie-dye T-shirt. Fred is smoking a joint.

Speaker 6:
[09:17] Fred Flintstoned?

Speaker 2:
[09:20] Isn't that what Josh just said?

Speaker 6:
[09:21] Isn't that what he just said?

Speaker 3:
[09:22] When you said it, it was better. You made it better.

Speaker 6:
[09:26] I'm thinking out loud. Sorry.

Speaker 5:
[09:27] Grateful Fred.

Speaker 3:
[09:29] Oh, yeah.

Speaker 2:
[09:31] It wasn't because I cared at all for tie-dye, or for the Flintstones, or for marijuana, or for the Grateful Dead. It was a free T-shirt that a buddy gave me at work, and I could use a T-shirt at that time in my life. So I did mislead some people by wearing the tie-dye Grateful Fred T-shirt around town. People thought maybe I was into the hippie-dippie pot smoking scene, which I was not, but...

Speaker 6:
[10:00] Sounds like a cool T-shirt.

Speaker 2:
[10:01] It really wasn't. It was really stupid.

Speaker 6:
[10:03] Yeah, it sounds pretty dumb.

Speaker 3:
[10:04] I don't think I could pull off tie-dye. Or many things.

Speaker 2:
[10:09] There ain't much to it, Cubby. There ain't much to it.

Speaker 6:
[10:11] I think... No, I think you could. It has to be the right kind of tie-dye, though. It can't be like that bright stuff. You're more of like a blue.

Speaker 3:
[10:20] I'm more of a muted tone gentleman?

Speaker 5:
[10:21] Yeah.

Speaker 2:
[10:24] Sure, there you go.

Speaker 3:
[10:26] Well, I'll tell you, I had a buddy that was really into Fish, really into The Grateful Dad. You know, that was his style of music. Big time stoner. And I think everything he owned was tie-dye.

Speaker 2:
[10:36] Yeah. Did he ever make his own pants?

Speaker 3:
[10:40] No. But he was one of the richest kids I'd ever met and had some of the coolest guitars. And he pretty much all he did was just kind of sit around, get high and play guitar very, very well.

Speaker 2:
[10:53] Offended Millennial Jesus says the old time capsule bit when we were kids was just more or less giving kids a heads up. How should I say this? It gave kids a sneak preview into what life is all about, to watch your hopes and dreams get buried deep in the ground. Because you write down, I want to be a pro baseball player. I want to get married someday. Then they put it in the time capsule box and it's watching your hopes and dreams get buried deep, deep down.

Speaker 3:
[11:35] All right. This is good news. Forklift, Chili Jesus and Farts in My Sleep and Wakes Myself Up Jesus, both said that the recycling and trash is separated, so it is doing something. But I always do it just in case. But I'd heard apparently incorrectly that it just goes to the same place mixed up and it's something to do with China and expenses and things like that. I can't remember exactly everything.

Speaker 4:
[12:01] It always comes back to China.

Speaker 3:
[12:02] It does.

Speaker 2:
[12:03] Did you wear earthy shoes in the 90s, Josh? Did you get yourself a pair of Jerusalem cruisers?

Speaker 3:
[12:10] No. My family, like my wife and kids all had, maybe not Cam, but the rest of them did and I do. I remember everybody calling them Jerusalem cruisers.

Speaker 5:
[12:22] Oh my God!

Speaker 3:
[12:23] I've always been a tennis shoe guy.

Speaker 5:
[12:26] Yeah, you like your little sneakers.

Speaker 3:
[12:28] Yeah, that's all I've ever had. I've never had slippers. I've never had Crocs. You've never had slippers?

Speaker 6:
[12:34] Dude, slippers are great.

Speaker 3:
[12:35] No, I had some slides, I guess they call them. I always called them flip-flops.

Speaker 2:
[12:39] Flippy-flops.

Speaker 3:
[12:40] I've been corrected and people are telling me it's slides now. I had some of those for a little bit.

Speaker 2:
[12:44] So again, back in the 90s, when everyone was so much more earthy, I had my Grateful Fred T-shirt, which was totally unintentional. But my Birkenstocks were intentional. I saw them around town and I thought they look comfortable and I put them on my feet. And especially for a guy with rotten feet, this was a dream come true. I didn't have to cover them at all. Those Birkenstocks, they gave your feet all the air and freedom that your feet could ever dream of.

Speaker 3:
[13:21] It never bothered you having that little G-string through your big toe and whatever?

Speaker 2:
[13:25] Well, that's a flippy flop.

Speaker 3:
[13:27] Oh, I always thought...

Speaker 2:
[13:28] Birkenstocks had the buckles that went over the top of your feet.

Speaker 3:
[13:31] Oh, you had actual Birkenstocks. Okay, gotcha.

Speaker 2:
[13:33] Yeah, but...

Speaker 3:
[13:34] I thought they... Because my wife has Birkenstocks that have that thing through the toe.

Speaker 2:
[13:39] On the topic of flip-flops, yes, I originally did not like the sensation of that thong between my big toe and my second toe, but I got used to it. But the Birkenstocks, I just loved them, and I wore them everywhere I went. And I had to take a knee at the bar the first time some dude walked up to me, pointed at my shoes, and said, hey, dude, nice Jerusalem cruisers. That was... That's an all-timer. I think we put that on the all-time list.

Speaker 3:
[14:06] Big-bucket-mouth Jesus had an idea for your T-shirt where it had Fred Flintstone and it was pot-related in tie-dye.

Speaker 2:
[14:13] Yeah.

Speaker 3:
[14:13] He said it could have said Yabba Dabba Doobie.

Speaker 2:
[14:16] It could have.

Speaker 3:
[14:17] That's excellent.

Speaker 2:
[14:18] I'm guessing that was on the wax board at the corporation when they came up with that. That was probably in the final four before they settled on Grateful Fred.

Speaker 3:
[14:29] Hey, I started to interrupt real quick. Dana, did something happen on the board? We're getting a lot of texts saying the stream went down or there's just commercials playing. Was there not a stop put in there?

Speaker 4:
[14:37] No, haven't touched a thing.

Speaker 3:
[14:39] I mean, is the stop in there or whatever?

Speaker 4:
[14:41] Yep.

Speaker 3:
[14:41] Okay, sorry to do this on the air. I'm trying to figure this out here. Box Tossin Jesus wants to know if I've ever tried Hey Dudes. No, I've purchased them as a gift for people in the past. But you have some, Nick.

Speaker 2:
[14:55] I used to. I already killed them.

Speaker 3:
[14:57] Oh, yeah, they look kind of thin.

Speaker 2:
[15:00] Yeah.

Speaker 3:
[15:01] You inherited those.

Speaker 2:
[15:02] When my dad checked out, somebody said, hey, go through his shoes and his pants and grab as much money as you can before we have to bury them. No, I'm kidding. They said, here's some old shoes and pants of the old mans. And I really like those Hey Dudes. I didn't even know he wore them, but I put them on. Oh, those are wonderful.

Speaker 6:
[15:26] Yeah, I've heard they're very comfortable.

Speaker 2:
[15:27] But again, my rotten feet murdered them quite quickly.

Speaker 3:
[15:30] Those are crazy popular now, aren't they?

Speaker 6:
[15:32] Yes.

Speaker 2:
[15:32] I saw some at the mall the other day. They look great. Yeah, I like those. Yeah, there you go. Earth Day. I knew a guy who actually did put his D in a tree.

Speaker 3:
[15:51] For humor purposes?

Speaker 2:
[15:53] Yeah, he became an outcast that night. Of course, tree humpers, tree huggers, right? That's the nickname that the earthy people get.

Speaker 6:
[16:03] Yes.

Speaker 2:
[16:03] This guy really did penetrate a tree. That was pretty much it for him.

Speaker 6:
[16:12] That's what did it?

Speaker 2:
[16:13] Yeah. That was the last draw. Nobody talked to him ever again.

Speaker 6:
[16:19] Did he do it like all the way?

Speaker 2:
[16:22] No.

Speaker 6:
[16:24] I guess better.

Speaker 4:
[16:25] You became an outcast after that?

Speaker 6:
[16:28] Yeah.

Speaker 3:
[16:29] I'll tell you what.

Speaker 2:
[16:30] Pretty much immediately.

Speaker 4:
[16:31] Because I had a buddy who banged a watermelon once, and we just thought it was funny.

Speaker 3:
[16:35] Geez, I don't know that I think that was funny. I can't decide.

Speaker 4:
[16:38] Yeah.

Speaker 2:
[16:39] But wait a minute. Maybe I need to be more clear. Did your pal hump a watermelon in front of a crowd?

Speaker 4:
[16:46] Yeah.

Speaker 3:
[16:50] So I used to walk around Lake Harriet every day in Minneapolis, and there was two trees that were gynecologically correct, and how perfect the knot vagina was, and knot in two different ways, I guess. It looked exactly to the point where I'd see new walkers kind of point at it and furrow their brow like, is that a vagina? It looked like somebody created it. But no, it was just God that did that.

Speaker 6:
[17:19] Is that a vagina?

Speaker 3:
[17:20] It was perfect. From what I understand, a vagina to look like.

Speaker 2:
[17:24] This is a tree that you would rollerblade past when you were a...

Speaker 3:
[17:28] Rollerblade. I tried that once. I sucked at it.

Speaker 6:
[17:30] I can't imagine you rollerblading.

Speaker 3:
[17:31] Oh, I'm what you call an ankle burner, Ashley.

Speaker 2:
[17:34] You're on your bicycle, riding around the park.

Speaker 3:
[17:36] Walking.

Speaker 2:
[17:37] Walking. You'd walk around the park and you'd see the vagina tree.

Speaker 3:
[17:40] Oh, yeah. If anybody still walks around that thing, I'm sure if you do it regularly, you've seen it. There's like that. That was known. People knew about that one and then also somebody made like a little troll house. I don't know. I think that I can't remember exactly what it was called, but...

Speaker 2:
[17:55] Like where the Keebler Elves? Yeah.

Speaker 3:
[17:58] Elf maybe is better. Whereas like a little fancy door at the bottom. It looks like something out of The Hobbit.

Speaker 2:
[18:05] Did it... Did the Vagina Tree... Like I'm not trying to be cute here, but did it plant dirty thoughts into your head? Did you go home after passing the Vagina Tree? Did you go home and call ex-girlfriends?

Speaker 3:
[18:17] Can I be honest with you?

Speaker 2:
[18:18] Yes.

Speaker 3:
[18:19] I got so turned on once, I humped a watermelon in front of everybody and Dana laughed.

Speaker 2:
[18:24] Our generations are very different.

Speaker 4:
[18:26] Oh, without a doubt.

Speaker 2:
[18:28] So, you're telling me that you had a friend with an erect penis, have sex with a watermelon in front of, like there's a hole in the wall, and he did this in front of a crowd and you thought it was funny?

Speaker 4:
[18:38] It was very funny, yes.

Speaker 2:
[18:39] Okay. We all laughed.

Speaker 3:
[18:40] You know what?

Speaker 2:
[18:41] My generation went the other way. When this dude that I was referring to with an erect penis, put it inside of a tree, we all decided we're no longer friends with that guy. We decided not to socialize with them anymore. Dana put this man on a pedestal.

Speaker 4:
[18:55] I told my wife that story, so this friend, he's still a good friend of mine. He was-

Speaker 2:
[19:00] Erect penis.

Speaker 4:
[19:02] I can't remember the specifics, if it was erect or not. I didn't really get up close to check it out, but he- Why?

Speaker 2:
[19:08] How do you not remember that? But go right ahead.

Speaker 4:
[19:11] Okay, so when I first started dating my wife, this buddy and his wife reached out and said, hey, we see you're dating somebody new. You guys should come over, let's get some pizzas and meet her and stuff. So we do, and we went, we met their kids and had a great time. And then we get in the car to go home and she goes, oh, they're so lovely. Like, what great friends. Like, I can't believe I was nervous to meet them. And then, so yeah, you know, I've known him since we were in eighth grade. And then I tell that story because it's completely normal in my group of friends. We don't find that odd. And she was horrified. And I realized like, oh yeah, I guess if you don't know us or anything like that, you might find that kind of odd.

Speaker 3:
[19:49] It is a little bit.

Speaker 6:
[19:49] Yeah, it's a little bit.

Speaker 3:
[19:51] You know, it seemed odd from the get go, but I thought, you know, I'm trying to think if I could see some humor in that with good friends. But then Nick mentioned the erection. And I never thought about that. If I'm looking at a buddy with an erection, our relationship changes at that point. And I want you guys to know, it's over. As respect to you guys and really a compliment and to explain how I feel about you, I couldn't get an erection around any of you.

Speaker 6:
[20:16] There's nothing that I would hate more in my life.

Speaker 3:
[20:18] It would be disrespectful. I would not be respecting you if I was able to achieve an erection in your present.

Speaker 6:
[20:24] I would have to beat you up.

Speaker 3:
[20:28] I just beat up a guy with a really disappointing boner.

Speaker 4:
[20:30] Josh getting his ass kicked with a boner? That would be something to see.

Speaker 2:
[20:36] Yeah, I think we probably would have kicked that guy's ass. We would have collectively turned on him, waited for his erection to go down, and then kicked his ass.

Speaker 3:
[20:47] Yeah, he might be a great guy, but he screwed up there. He screwed watermelon and then up. Where did this text go? Ah, shoot. Oh yeah, here we go. You picked him up, you dropped him. Jesus, he was always good for some funny stuff. He said, if you're going to hump a watermelon, you got to play the long game. Yeah, that's the way you do it. I need the extra inches here. Can't go in at the side. I'm going to poke right through. Wouldn't that be, what a bummer it must be for your buddy if he humped it the short way. I really missed an opportunity there.

Speaker 2:
[21:22] There are some situations, Josh, where you had to be there.

Speaker 3:
[21:26] Yeah, I guess so. I want to give you guys the benefit of the doubt.

Speaker 4:
[21:29] It was part of a long-running joke. It was a 4th of July weekend, and it was kind of the morning of, it was like the Saturday. We were going into town to get some supplies, and somebody said, well, get a watermelon just so we eat something healthy this weekend, and somebody else added in. Make sure it's a nice, juicy one, like a nice big old ass. And then so we started sexualizing the watermelon from the get-go, talking about how plump and juicy it was. So it was kind of a payoff to like a running joke throughout the day.

Speaker 6:
[21:55] I don't like the word plump.

Speaker 4:
[21:58] That's your takeaway from the story.

Speaker 3:
[22:00] He put juicy right after.

Speaker 6:
[22:01] Yeah, I don't know. I didn't like that. That was my takeaway was being uncomfortable.

Speaker 3:
[22:06] Did he ever think at one point like I can fake hump it with my clothes on and just pretend like, look guys, there's an idea.

Speaker 4:
[22:14] Yeah, he went for it. It's called commitment to the bit, Josh.

Speaker 3:
[22:18] That's too much commitment.

Speaker 5:
[22:20] Oh, cripes.

Speaker 3:
[22:22] Somebody else says, humping a watermelon, have you seen the price of those things? They've always been expensive. I can't imagine what they are now.

Speaker 6:
[22:30] You guys didn't eat any of it after that, did you?

Speaker 4:
[22:33] No, no, no, no.

Speaker 3:
[22:34] It's kind of treasonous almost on the 4th of July because that's a very patriotic fruit.

Speaker 4:
[22:40] It is something that you typically eat only on the 4th of July, at least as far as I go.

Speaker 3:
[22:43] For the most part, same with us.

Speaker 6:
[22:46] You guys are missing out. You can have watermelon whenever you want.

Speaker 4:
[22:48] What?

Speaker 3:
[22:48] Are you serious?

Speaker 4:
[22:50] So I could hump watermelon whenever I want to?

Speaker 6:
[22:52] No, Dana, you can't.

Speaker 3:
[22:54] No. I just tell them, you know what, I've had a lot of years to think about this. What you did was wrong.

Speaker 6:
[23:00] Yeah, instead of a really long paragraph.

Speaker 3:
[23:04] So when he sobered up, he didn't say, guys, I humped a watermelon yesterday.

Speaker 4:
[23:08] No, that's the thing about a group of friends, I guess, maybe we're obviously, I'm finding out more weird than normal groups of friends, but it wasn't like the incident. It was just something that happened and we just moved on and thought it was funny.

Speaker 6:
[23:21] So have there been worse things where like that doesn't really compare because at least it wasn't that?

Speaker 4:
[23:29] Nothing at the top of my head, Ashley.

Speaker 2:
[23:31] Yeah, she-

Speaker 6:
[23:32] Think about it. That's a good question.

Speaker 2:
[23:33] Yeah.

Speaker 3:
[23:34] What has somebody done that even you guys said too far?

Speaker 2:
[23:41] We spent a lot of our time being reckless and violent and with the drinking and the drugs, but we pretty much kept our dicks to ourselves. We did.

Speaker 3:
[23:55] Yeah, we never played that game.

Speaker 2:
[23:56] Generations are different. As you should. Different generations, the younger people. You know, I've had my time on air talking about the sack tap generation.

Speaker 3:
[24:07] I was going to mention that.

Speaker 2:
[24:08] That never would have flown when we were kids. We did a lot of reckless, stupid things, but we kept our dicks to ourselves.

Speaker 3:
[24:14] Things were... That's just good advice, by the way. Keep your dicks to yourselves. You know, when we have four years between us, so... Now, it doesn't mean anything, but when you're younger, four years is huge, right? And so, there was a generational thing, because when we were in sixth and seventh grade, the sack tap was where it was at. The surprise sack tap... I mean, that was... We did that constantly. I'm sure that led to my fertility issues, how many times I got nailed in my nuts. And there was never any anger about it. And it never seemed weird. It was just kind of a funny thing. All of a sudden, guy doubles over, because some other dude just sack tapped him.

Speaker 2:
[24:54] Yeah, it totally and completely blew my mind the first time I saw that in public, a group of guys hitting each other in the balls.

Speaker 6:
[25:04] Why? That just does not... I mean, why do that? I've always hated seeing guys do that.

Speaker 2:
[25:09] I have never intentionally made contact with any of my friends' genitalia.

Speaker 3:
[25:13] It didn't go past maybe seventh grade, if that makes it any better. We all realize what we're doing isn't right here. I mean, this leads to humping watermelons in the future.

Speaker 4:
[25:23] It's a gateway drug.

Speaker 2:
[25:24] And you know, the first time I saw it, these were 24, 25-year-old guys. And I just couldn't believe it. I kept waiting for...

Speaker 3:
[25:30] That old, huh?

Speaker 2:
[25:31] Yes, it was at a bar. I'm at a bar drinking, and a group of young guys come in. They appear to be 24, 25, and they're all doing this, ha ha ha, ha ha ha, hitting you in the balls, back and forth.

Speaker 5:
[25:40] And I kept waiting for a fight.

Speaker 2:
[25:43] I kept waiting for a fight. But then I realized, well, this is a game. And they're all actively partici... willingly, I couldn't believe my eyes.

Speaker 4:
[25:52] It's a form of bonding.

Speaker 2:
[25:53] Because in 1988, if I would have walked up to my buddy Dio, let's just use Dio, or Wang, let's use Wang as an example. If I would have walked up to him in 1988 and tapped him in the balls, he and I would have had a fist fight at that point. But that, like I said, different generations have different parameters on things like that.

Speaker 3:
[26:11] I got a buddy that I think would still find that funny. I'm not going to try it, but I could see him being...

Speaker 2:
[26:16] Exactly what guy you're talking about.

Speaker 3:
[26:18] No, it's not that guy. It really is. It's a different guy. I don't think he'd find that funny, who you're picturing.

Speaker 2:
[26:22] The guy who's always telling you how many times he jacks off and whatnot? That's the guy I was picturing.

Speaker 4:
[26:27] No, no.

Speaker 3:
[26:27] Not him. Not him. He's too busy jacking off.

Speaker 4:
[26:31] He's too focused on his own genitalia to worry about hitting somebody else in theirs.

Speaker 3:
[26:35] You know, I was so shocked about your story about your buddy humping the watermelon that this never occurred to me. People are texting in and saying, Dana's friend humped the watermelon. Because you do seem so OK with this. Were you the watermelon humper?

Speaker 4:
[26:48] I was not the watermelon humper. I would admit that. You would?

Speaker 3:
[26:51] Because I wouldn't.

Speaker 4:
[26:52] 100%. Alright.

Speaker 2:
[26:58] There you go. Happy Earth Day. That's where the conversation began. Yeah.

Speaker 6:
[27:03] Wow.

Speaker 2:
[27:03] If you can believe it.

Speaker 4:
[27:04] We went from Earth Day to banging watermelons.

Speaker 6:
[27:06] I guess that's kind of earthy.

Speaker 3:
[27:08] Oh, Asian Cop.

Speaker 2:
[27:09] It absolutely is. Watermelons come from the earth.

Speaker 4:
[27:11] Yeah.

Speaker 3:
[27:12] Very true. Asian Cop Jesus said he and Type 1 Cop Jesus, they cover up when they approach each other at work.

Speaker 2:
[27:20] So they're nut touchers.

Speaker 3:
[27:21] I guess. Yeah. Oh, back to Earth Day and cops. Thanks to all the cops out there for taking out the trash. I love that saying when cops say that. They're going to go out there and take out the trash. That's what they do.

Speaker 2:
[27:35] Do you still remember your first episode of Hill Street Blues? Oh, yeah.

Speaker 3:
[27:39] We used to watch the heck out of it. Be careful out there.

Speaker 2:
[27:41] Smooth out of Hill Street Blues. Boy, did that have a terrific theme song.

Speaker 3:
[27:47] Dude, that's the first thing I think of.

Speaker 2:
[27:49] It charted.

Speaker 1:
[27:51] Stupid news on the Half-Assed Morning Show. All right.

Speaker 2:
[28:07] I always think of this as a great time to maybe field a text message or two. That has come our way. 651-989-9393 is our Luther Bloomington Key attacks line. If you ever want to get ahold of us with something cute. So I've got one here for you, Cubby. We got to talking about the Sack Tap routine. Some generations of dudes, they find it absolutely hilarious to punch each other in the nuts a little bit, a little dippy dip. You crack each other's... Others, other generations of dudes avoid touching each other's penises. It all depends on how you were raised, your generation, this and that. I've never heard of this routine, but it struck me funny. One listener texted in, Josh, to say, what about the random karate chop to the neck?

Speaker 3:
[29:13] Oh, jeez, I've never experienced that.

Speaker 2:
[29:16] We never played the random karate chop.

Speaker 3:
[29:18] That could kill a person.

Speaker 2:
[29:19] A dude says, my brother would always do it to me when I was driving.

Speaker 4:
[29:23] Oh, jeez, that's so dangerous.

Speaker 5:
[29:29] Oh, my word.

Speaker 2:
[29:31] We did not play random karate chop. Especially when someone was behind the wheel of a speeding motor. We didn't play random karate chop at all. But I bet it toughened you up a little bit.

Speaker 3:
[29:45] Yeah, I would think so. It certainly made you jumpy. You had done a swivel constantly.

Speaker 2:
[29:51] Be on the lookout after we get off the air. Maybe today is the day the Half-Assed Morning Show begins to play random karate chop to the neck.

Speaker 6:
[29:58] Please, no. I don't want that.

Speaker 8:
[30:01] Oh, my word!

Speaker 2:
[30:03] That son of a bitch never got up, did he?

Speaker 3:
[30:05] No, well, his head came off.

Speaker 2:
[30:06] The head? Right. God, help us.

Speaker 3:
[30:10] Crocs with socks, Jesus, always found it weird in movies when one guy grabs the other's junk. That's it. I was taught growing up, and I wonder if you were too, Nick, that's a desperation thing where you think, I'm about to die. That's the only time you go for a guy's nuts.

Speaker 2:
[30:26] And you give them that anaconda squeeze.

Speaker 3:
[30:30] I remember my dad and uncle saying, you never go for it unless it's a life or death situation.

Speaker 2:
[30:34] Yeah, in certain movies, it would completely overwhelm the bad guy. The bad guy, whoever the character was, would be paralyzed.

Speaker 3:
[30:44] It's your stop button.

Speaker 2:
[30:46] Paralyzed by that grip.

Speaker 3:
[30:47] Cabinet hauler, stone installer Jesus said, what about corndoggin? Oh, dude, you're not familiar, Nick?

Speaker 6:
[30:54] What is that?

Speaker 2:
[30:55] Doesn't ring a bell.

Speaker 6:
[30:56] It doesn't sound good.

Speaker 3:
[30:59] I'm sure you've seen this before. At least I'd imagine.

Speaker 2:
[31:01] Maybe our friend group had a different term for it.

Speaker 3:
[31:03] You might have. Corn doggin is terrible.

Speaker 2:
[31:05] Lay it on me.

Speaker 3:
[31:05] It's worse than the sack tap. Give it to me. I'm going to provide it to you. When you come up to somebody from behind and you knee them between the legs to get the testicles. Did you guys have a different name for it?

Speaker 2:
[31:19] We did not play that game.

Speaker 3:
[31:21] Oh, that is way worse. Now, that caused anger. The sack tap in 1986 and 1987, people weren't really angry about it. It was kind of something that people did. Corn doggin is different. That's mean.

Speaker 4:
[31:32] Yeah, that's just assault.

Speaker 2:
[31:35] I can't believe you guys were sack tapping in 86, 87. I didn't hear about it until the early 2000s.

Speaker 3:
[31:42] Well, I went to school with a lot of rich kids. They had religious...

Speaker 2:
[31:45] Well, I went to Wysetta High School.

Speaker 3:
[31:47] Oh, good point.

Speaker 2:
[31:48] I'm just saying, I can't believe that never spread to my neighborhood.

Speaker 3:
[31:51] Yeah, they had access to technology that us regular plebs didn't have yet.

Speaker 2:
[31:55] Never saw it, never even heard about it until I was 30 years old. Okay, you come up from behind, it's called the corn dog, he says, you come up from behind and knee a guy in the balls?

Speaker 3:
[32:04] Yeah.

Speaker 2:
[32:05] That can kill a guy.

Speaker 3:
[32:06] I know.

Speaker 2:
[32:07] There was one game similar to that, that I never was a part of, but I watched it happen all around me. As youth hockey players, we called it a T-bar.

Speaker 3:
[32:21] I'm not familiar with that one.

Speaker 2:
[32:23] You'd come up behind your teammate at hockey practice, you'd put your stick down between his skates and then lift it up into his bag.

Speaker 4:
[32:31] Hey, goose him a little bit.

Speaker 2:
[32:32] Well, we called it a T-bar. I hated it. I never contributed because I thought it was just way too mean, way too foul, but it was called the T-bar. You come up behind your teammate with the hockey stick and you lift upwards and raunch his balls. I do remember the T-bar got so out of control with one of my youth hockey teams. Again, I never did it once. I had more respect than that. I remember while we're dressing, putting on our hockey gear before a practice, one of my teammates said, attention everyone, you're horsing around in the locker room. Hey, everyone be quiet. I got something to say. He says this, I forgot my nut cup. He said, if anybody T-bars me at practice today, I'll F and kill you.

Speaker 1:
[33:28] Grab it and f**king twist it.

Speaker 3:
[33:30] Making maps, Jesus said. They used to call what we called corndogging the rhino hump.

Speaker 2:
[33:43] Yeah, different strokes for different folks. I never thought that was funny. The nuts and the wiener off limits.

Speaker 3:
[33:54] Yeah, I'm with you on that now. I've learned since then. Sofa King Cool Jesus said they used to do this deal. We did it too. They called it get and got. I don't know if we ever had a name for it. But somebody would kind of kneel over behind a person, right? Get on all fours.

Speaker 2:
[34:12] Sure.

Speaker 3:
[34:12] And then someone would push that person over the person from behind.

Speaker 4:
[34:16] That was a big one.

Speaker 3:
[34:17] That's before we knew about concussions.

Speaker 2:
[34:19] I mean, that was...

Speaker 3:
[34:20] We used to do that a lot.

Speaker 2:
[34:21] Yeah, that was like first grade, second grade stuff.

Speaker 3:
[34:24] Or pulling chairs out when people would sit down. That's a classic.

Speaker 2:
[34:28] Pulling it. They call that the old... I don't know what they call it. People are texting in about the chuck wagon.

Speaker 3:
[34:34] What's the chuck wagon?

Speaker 2:
[34:35] I don't know. I'm reading all these slang terms for different brutal tricks you can play on your... Maybe I can find that chuck wagon. The chuck wagon sounds like you walk up and kick somebody in the bag.

Speaker 9:
[34:47] Oh, from behind, from behind skis.

Speaker 2:
[34:52] Chuck wagon, here it is. You come up from behind and then kick a guy between the legs?

Speaker 4:
[34:59] That's just wrong.

Speaker 2:
[35:01] That's so mean that it shouldn't have a cute nickname. You should label something else the chuck wagon because there's nothing cute about kicking a guy in the sack from behind. You're not even giving him a chance to defend himself.

Speaker 4:
[35:16] At least with a tipper or a sack tap or whatever, you can see it coming. You have a chance to defend yourselves.

Speaker 2:
[35:23] When I watched that game of sack tap at the bar, part of the game was that they don't see it coming. You see what I'm saying? That's what I watched. As soon as the guy took a drink of his beer and looked off to maybe look at some girls, that's when they would sack tap him.

Speaker 3:
[35:42] Physics teacher Jesus said he had a friend in high school who had the chair pulled out from underneath, broke their ass bone, had to sit on a donut the rest of the school year.

Speaker 8:
[35:52] That sucks.

Speaker 3:
[35:53] That happened so much. One time I cracked my butt right into the ground and then I smashed my head on the chair. But we thought it was hilarious.

Speaker 4:
[36:02] Of course. Kids getting hurt is funny.

Speaker 5:
[36:04] Oh God.

Speaker 3:
[36:05] I kind of forgot all the stupid stuff we used to do. This is fun. Thank you for these texts. We were morons.

Speaker 2:
[36:11] They're flying in so fast, I can't even... Oh God. The gas attacks me too. I can't even keep up with the text messages.

Speaker 3:
[36:18] Somebody says we used to play this hilarious game where you just walk up to someone and sucker punch them in the jaw. You're kidding, right?

Speaker 2:
[36:27] Well, I thought that's a current thing.

Speaker 3:
[36:29] Oh, I thought that's like a TikTok thing, right? The knockout. Yeah, that's not like something you do to buddies, though.

Speaker 6:
[36:35] No, that's not it.

Speaker 3:
[36:36] You just do that to frigging people just trying to go to work.

Speaker 2:
[36:40] People going to work. Like some of you are right frigging now. All right. And I'm not trying to be cute here. This is not a sex joke. I'm being straighter than a Grizzlies D. Have you ever pounded schnitzel?

Speaker 4:
[36:58] No. No.

Speaker 2:
[37:01] Do you even understand what I'm saying?

Speaker 4:
[37:02] I'm not. Yeah, I was going to say I'm not even positive. I've heard that word. I'm not positive what it is.

Speaker 2:
[37:06] I didn't know either until I read a little further or father, as my dad would say. When I read a little father, I found out schnitzel. It's like a thin slice of animal carcass.

Speaker 6:
[37:22] Oh, yeah.

Speaker 3:
[37:22] Like maybe a chicken breast or a chicken fried steak.

Speaker 6:
[37:26] Okay, then yes. Yes, I have.

Speaker 2:
[37:27] You pound it.

Speaker 6:
[37:28] What am I talking about?

Speaker 2:
[37:29] From what I understand, you use some kind of a hammer and you pound the living hell out of it until it's as thin as paper and then you eat it. It's German. I don't know.

Speaker 6:
[37:36] Yeah, a little meat hammer. I've got one of those. I use it. Shut up. I use it.

Speaker 2:
[37:43] Nobody said anything.

Speaker 6:
[37:44] Multiple times a week.

Speaker 2:
[37:46] She said little meat hammer.

Speaker 6:
[37:47] Yeah.

Speaker 3:
[37:49] That's demeaning. It's just a meat hammer.

Speaker 2:
[37:51] I looked at Dana, he looked at me and Ashley said, shut up. Nobody had said anything.

Speaker 3:
[37:57] My wife used to use one of those all the time. She doesn't anymore.

Speaker 2:
[38:00] I wonder what she used. She used her little meat hammer.

Speaker 3:
[38:03] Yeah, hers is quite large actually.

Speaker 6:
[38:05] Honestly, one of the reasons why I use it so often is because if you don't, then the chicken just takes forever to cook and I ain't got time for that.

Speaker 3:
[38:12] I wonder if that's what... Maybe she has more time, but yeah, she would just grab the thick shaft of that thing. She would beat the meat with it, right? Now I haven't seen her do that forever, but that was kind of her thing. Loud as heck. I was afraid at that time she was going to shatter our countertops. She was angry back then maybe.

Speaker 2:
[38:31] All right, pounding schnitzel. It's a real thing. People will go ahead with that. As silly as it sounds. And in Germany, as far as I know, the birthplace of schnitzel, a dude got his ass kicked for making too much damn noise while pounding out the schnitzel. So there he was, he's pounding it out. The friggin schnitzel. Making a real racket. And his neighbor comes over and absolutely slapped the piss out of this guy. I mean, gave him a beating. Someone.

Speaker 4:
[39:17] That's gonna say that's bold to do with somebody who's got a tiny meat hammer in their hand.

Speaker 2:
[39:21] Yeah, I suppose. They have a weapon. Someone had to up, the beating was so terrible. Someone had to up and call the police. Die Polizia. How do you say that in German? I used to know that.

Speaker 3:
[39:37] Well, I thought that was like an Italian thing. That's German.

Speaker 2:
[39:40] Yeah, that was just my attempt at German. No, no, don't repeat that and say that's how you say it in German. I was trying my best. Die Polizia. I can't say it anymore. The police. There you go. The angry neighbor guy who was 61 damn years old, he wasn't content to just crack the schnitzel pounder across the face once. He slapped this poor bastard around the room for about 10 minutes before the cops raced in there and pulled him off of the guy.

Speaker 6:
[40:15] Had some pent up rage.

Speaker 2:
[40:19] Die Polizia. I think that is it.

Speaker 3:
[40:22] Well, yeah, I don't know.

Speaker 2:
[40:24] Can you look it up on your thing? Don't you have the ability to make the...

Speaker 3:
[40:29] It's going to activate my sciatica.

Speaker 2:
[40:33] It says here, it's not clear if the alleged hard and loud schnitzel pounding. It's not clear if that occurred or happened. I don't know why. Why didn't I edit that out? Occurred is stupid. No one says, no one talks like that.

Speaker 10:
[40:50] Why do? Sometimes.

Speaker 2:
[40:51] Do you really? Yeah. It's not clear if he was pounding that schnitzel during Germany's legally mandated quiet hours, which are between 10 p.m. and 6 a.m. They're trying to figure out if the schnitzel pounder was breaking the law with his loud pounding. I mean, dude who gave him the beating is still going to get in trouble, but they want to find out why did this happen? How did this happen? Was dude pounding the schnitzel after hours? So we don't know all the facts here, but we do know that that schnitzel pounder, his neighbor is a total dick.

Speaker 3:
[41:27] Yeah. Great cardio. I mean, I don't think I could give somebody a 10-minute beating. It's 61 especially. I hope I don't become an angry old guy. I've noticed like, you know, it seems like guys, well, maybe men and women, they can go one or two ways when it comes to that. Like my dad was a very angry person the majority of his life. But as he got older, he was the complete opposite. We're to the to the point where my wife never believed the temper he had. Kids do. They just can't couldn't see it. There's no way that guy was so angry. But I've seen it the other way, too. We're well-adjusted, folks. They get to a point, they're like, you know what? Life's been pretty rough. I'm mad at everybody now. The old shaking your fist at the clouds and...

Speaker 2:
[42:07] To be able to dish out a 10-minute beating at 61 years old. I didn't think about it until you said it out loud. That is impressive. The guy must be in decent shape. Recently, we were telling bar fight stories. And we were talking about these two friends of mine, these large sumbitches. And we were talking about a night where they beat some people up in the parking lot. And yeah, they were big, imposing characters, but they were so big that if you could get them to swing or miss two or three times, they were cooked, right? We all know guys like that. Big, powerful sumbitches. But if you can get them to miss, if you can elongate that fight, they're going to run out of steam. And these people I'm talking about were 20 years old. This guy at 61, to be able to... Now, I hope he gets in trouble. It's wrong that he tuned his neighbor up over friggin Schnitzel. But the fact that he was able to give a 10-minute beating, there's something to be said about that. You guys got any loud neighbors?

Speaker 6:
[43:10] No, thankfully not.

Speaker 3:
[43:12] No.

Speaker 2:
[43:13] No, I don't either.

Speaker 4:
[43:14] Yeah, we got a couple two doors down that they drink all day and they like to holler at each other every once and again.

Speaker 6:
[43:19] Good for them. That's awesome.

Speaker 3:
[43:22] They have a little personality to the neighborhood.

Speaker 4:
[43:24] Yeah. I was grilling last night. I was overhearing them. They're very upset about the government right now. So they had a lot of opinions.

Speaker 2:
[43:31] They're not alone. They're not alone.

Speaker 4:
[43:33] A lot of opinions and they're yelling at each other about it for some reason.

Speaker 3:
[43:36] Oh, they disagree, huh?

Speaker 4:
[43:37] It sounded like it, yeah.

Speaker 6:
[43:39] If you ask my dogs, if we have loud neighbors, they would say, yes, everybody's so loud. God, the stupid dogs.

Speaker 2:
[43:45] I'm not sure I understand what you mean.

Speaker 6:
[43:46] Because they hear everything. Somebody, God forbid, somebody shut their door. That lives like four houses away yesterday and they started freaking out.

Speaker 2:
[43:54] Your dogs bark at everything.

Speaker 4:
[43:56] Oh, yeah. Now, the thing about we might be the loud neighbors because if somebody has the audacity to walk down the sidewalk, our dog acts like it's a terrorist coming to kill us.

Speaker 6:
[44:04] Yeah, same here.

Speaker 2:
[44:06] Speaking of meat-related crimes, some butler walked into a Walmart a few weeks ago, and he snatched more than $100 worth of......sausages. Oh, man, when we were kids, we loved to watch Cubby's Great GamGam warm up the sausages.

Speaker 3:
[44:25] What did you learn about Great GamGam?

Speaker 2:
[44:27] We learned that she was a whore, but we loved it when she would warm up those sausages. So, yeah, I don't know. Whatever. This dude jammed 20 packages of Horse D into his backpack, thought he could walk smooth out the store, got on his bicycle. Coincidentally, there was a bicycle cop in the area, and there was a bicycle chase. Bad guy on a bicycle cop, and the cop dumped the mountain bike version of the pit maneuver on the kid.

Speaker 6:
[44:56] Oh, sick.

Speaker 3:
[44:57] That's hilarious.

Speaker 2:
[44:58] It was all over for stealing sausages.

Speaker 6:
[45:02] I've never seen a bike cop.

Speaker 3:
[45:05] You really haven't?

Speaker 6:
[45:07] No, I guess I don't really spend that much time down there, so maybe that's why.

Speaker 4:
[45:11] You didn't watch Pacific Blue in the 90s with Mario Lopez?

Speaker 6:
[45:14] No, I've always wanted to see one of those cops that rides a horse around.

Speaker 4:
[45:18] Oh, those are fun.

Speaker 3:
[45:19] You haven't seen those either?

Speaker 6:
[45:20] No.

Speaker 3:
[45:20] You're missing out.

Speaker 6:
[45:21] I know.

Speaker 3:
[45:22] I don't want to go downtown, but I will with you just so you can experience that. And I can watch the... you'll love the horse cops.

Speaker 6:
[45:28] It's adorable.

Speaker 2:
[45:29] The horse what?

Speaker 3:
[45:29] Horse cops.

Speaker 2:
[45:31] Oh, thank Christ.

Speaker 4:
[45:32] I saw a drunk.

Speaker 3:
[45:35] Yeah, that was a pee at the end of there.

Speaker 2:
[45:40] When you were a kid, did anyone in your family or any of your family friends, did they refer to a big stick of summer sausage? Did they refer to it as horsey?

Speaker 3:
[45:53] No.

Speaker 2:
[45:53] Okay. You guys were raised by a better class of...

Speaker 3:
[45:57] We used to have ringed baloney quite a bit. Did you guys ever have that going up there?

Speaker 2:
[46:02] When I was a kid, I loved ringed baloney.

Speaker 6:
[46:04] Yes.

Speaker 2:
[46:04] Okay. So my dad, Hillbilly, his friends, Hillbillies, anytime you had a big long stick of summer sausage, they referred to it as horsey.

Speaker 6:
[46:16] Well, now I'm going to think of that every time I see summer sausage. That's good.

Speaker 2:
[46:20] I can't believe it. Well, again, you guys were raised by a better class of people. So I'll just say horse D for our intents and purposes here on the program. I'd love to be able to use the C word because it's much more impactful. But you know what I'm saying. I was a tiny little kid and we were, I think we were on a fishing trip. We pulled over on the side of the road, three, four pickups worth of hillbillies. And we're going to have a little snack on the side of the road. And the boys are going to smoke some cigarettes and drink some beer. The grown folks. I'm a tiny little kid. And my dad's best friend has this roll, this, what do you call it? Tube?

Speaker 6:
[47:00] A log.

Speaker 2:
[47:01] A log, thank you, of summer sausage. And he walks up to me and he goes, horse D. He's got a knife in his hand. He's going to cut me. And he goes, he wants some horse D. And as a tiny little kid, I really thought that's what he was holding in his hand.

Speaker 3:
[47:17] I understand. I remember my parents would have grasshopper pie and I thought they were monsters. Disgusting, not realizing there wasn't grasshoppers.

Speaker 2:
[47:26] And now I'm watching this guy and my dad cut pieces of what I thought was literal horse D and eat it. I got a...

Speaker 6:
[47:36] Part of the traumatized Nick.

Speaker 2:
[47:37] Yes, I thought, they're really eat. But as a little kid...

Speaker 6:
[47:40] They're animals.

Speaker 2:
[47:41] Yeah, I mean, in the end, I thought, OK, well, we do eat animals. I just had no idea that we ate horse D.

Speaker 6:
[47:49] So casually, too?

Speaker 5:
[47:51] Yeah, so casually.

Speaker 2:
[47:51] And out in the open, it was daylight. A year later, I learned it was just a hilarious nickname.

Speaker 5:
[47:56] For some...

Speaker 2:
[47:58] You want some horse D? You hungry?

Speaker 3:
[48:01] What would be considered the grossest thing you eat? Like, for example...

Speaker 2:
[48:07] Currently?

Speaker 3:
[48:07] Yeah, or just in general. Like, I love liver. And I tell some people who think that's absolutely awful.

Speaker 6:
[48:13] Yeah, it's pretty gross. I don't really eat gross things. I make, like, weird combinations. Like, almost every day, I have, like, a peanut butter, like a piece of toast with peanut butter on it, an over-easy egg, and then a crap ton of hot sauce on it. And people think it's gross that I'm doing, like, the peanut butter with hot sauce, but it's delicious.

Speaker 2:
[48:32] Oh, you know why they think it's gross?

Speaker 6:
[48:34] Why?

Speaker 2:
[48:35] Because it friggin is.

Speaker 6:
[48:36] It's so good.

Speaker 2:
[48:37] Peanut butter, a... What do you call it? An over-easy egg and hot sauce?

Speaker 6:
[48:42] Yeah.

Speaker 3:
[48:42] That sounds like a mess.

Speaker 2:
[48:44] That is absolutely...

Speaker 6:
[48:45] It is a fork.

Speaker 2:
[48:45] That's the dumbest thing I've heard all day. Josh, my diet... There's nothing shocking about my diet. If I could think of one thing that some people might consider gross... maybe would be that I do enjoy things like pickled herring.

Speaker 3:
[49:01] I was gonna mention that one. My dad would eat that a lot. I'm sorry.

Speaker 2:
[49:04] Wait a minute. Pickled herring, a common food that people eat all over the...

Speaker 6:
[49:10] I've had it. I just don't like it.

Speaker 2:
[49:11] That's gross.

Speaker 6:
[49:12] I don't like it. It's a texture thing.

Speaker 3:
[49:14] What about chicken hearts?

Speaker 2:
[49:16] I've had...

Speaker 3:
[49:17] They're all right.

Speaker 2:
[49:17] When I was a kid, I ate chicken and duck organs.

Speaker 3:
[49:23] Yep.

Speaker 2:
[49:24] As part of our family Thanksgiving, we used to eat everything.

Speaker 3:
[49:27] Do you guys ever have tongue?

Speaker 2:
[49:28] As an adult, if I did ever eat it, I don't remember it. But currently, there's nothing shocking about my diet.

Speaker 3:
[49:35] Beef tongue, did you guys have that ever?

Speaker 2:
[49:36] Again, I don't remember. If I did, I don't recall.

Speaker 3:
[49:39] I remember just like some of those where I was shocked at first. It was something where you had to eat whatever dad put on the table.

Speaker 2:
[49:47] Do you want any horse, Dee?

Speaker 3:
[49:49] I wouldn't try that. Genitalia, I stay away from.

Speaker 6:
[49:52] I felt weird eating bear meat just because I think of a cute, cuddly bear with those adorable little ears. But it was probably one of the best things I've ever had. It's so good.

Speaker 2:
[50:04] Bear and buffalo, I find to be delicious.

Speaker 3:
[50:08] Buffalo, dude, anytime some place has a buffalo, Bites and Burger, whatever they call it there, I'll get that.

Speaker 2:
[50:13] I love it. Now, you're going to want to bomb your microphone with all different levels of wiener jokes here. Wieners, buns, the whole works. But I'm going to go ahead and do you a favor and warn you that these are high school kids. So you might not want to come off too aggressive.

Speaker 6:
[50:30] All right.

Speaker 3:
[50:31] We'll see.

Speaker 2:
[50:32] It says here now a group of high school kids out there in Kansas. They're going to take, Cubby, they're going to up and take the greatest motor vehicle in the world, the Oscar Mayer Wiener Mobile. These lucky bastard high school kids are going to take the damn Wiener Mobile to they prom.

Speaker 6:
[50:57] That's awesome.

Speaker 3:
[50:58] Is it our sister station that has an adult prom? Does Love 105, or is that KDWB?

Speaker 2:
[51:03] I believe, probably both maybe because radio is so gimmicky and incestual. But I think our sister station, Love 105, did cut loose with an adult prom quite a few times.

Speaker 3:
[51:16] What if you got a chance to do this?

Speaker 2:
[51:18] To ride the, I'll take the Oscar Mayer Wiener Mobile to wherever you point me.

Speaker 3:
[51:24] Would you take your wife to prom or is there somebody else you have in mind to ask?

Speaker 2:
[51:27] I got a couple other women in mind.

Speaker 3:
[51:29] Oh, OK.

Speaker 2:
[51:30] But I'd take the Oscar Mayer Wiener Mobile to any event, Josh. It's my favorite vehicle.

Speaker 6:
[51:36] There's not that many seats in there, if I remember correctly.

Speaker 3:
[51:38] I didn't get a chance to see it when it was here.

Speaker 2:
[51:40] There's not a ton of room in there to sit, but that's all right, I guess.

Speaker 6:
[51:44] Yeah, it's still cool. I want to sit in front, though, away from my date, because I want to sit with the driver there.

Speaker 2:
[51:51] Sit with the driver.

Speaker 3:
[51:52] The pilot, the hot dogger?

Speaker 6:
[51:53] Yeah, God, they're so funny and so quick with it.

Speaker 3:
[51:58] They have training.

Speaker 6:
[51:59] That's so cool. What a dream.

Speaker 2:
[52:01] Again, these Kansas High School kids, lucky pricks, they're going to take the Wienermobile 2 Prom. Now, this is really going to make you bite your lower lip. You're going to want to be cute about this. You're going to want to say something so bad.

Speaker 3:
[52:21] Oh, I doubt it.

Speaker 2:
[52:23] These effing kids, for real, they go to Seaman High School.

Speaker 3:
[52:30] And they're taking the Wienermobile 2 Prom?

Speaker 6:
[52:33] They know what they're doing.

Speaker 2:
[52:35] Josh, hold on. Hang on. Don't say it.

Speaker 5:
[52:39] He wants to say something so bad in the microphone.

Speaker 2:
[52:42] Is your head going to explode? Okay, you're over it now.

Speaker 3:
[52:46] Yoga breaths, yoga breaths, yoga breaths.

Speaker 2:
[52:52] They go to Seaman High School. One of the kids with a completely made up first name, Brecken, he said he and his pals crossed paths with the legendary Oscar Meyer Wienermobile in a parking lot in their neighborhood. A day or two ago, they walked up to the driver, a gal called Maggie, and they asked Maggie, they asked her, hey, can we rent this pig and use it for prom? And Maggie, being cool as balls, she said, yeah, let's go ahead with that. But I don't trust high school kids, she said, especially ones from Seaman High. So I'll drive you little ungrateful bastards to prom. And the kid said, you got a deal. The Oscar Mayer Mobile Captain, Maggie, she didn't charge these stupid kids a dime. She just did it. She upped and drove them to and from prom. She did it because she knows she totally rules.

Speaker 3:
[53:56] That's cool. That is awesome.

Speaker 2:
[53:57] That's a dream come true.

Speaker 3:
[54:00] I hope that their classmates appreciate it. I hope that they think it's as cool as we do.

Speaker 6:
[54:05] You have to. It's always cool, no matter who you are.

Speaker 2:
[54:07] I'm sure there's plenty of people out there who think the other way, but I've always thought that was my dream vehicle.

Speaker 3:
[54:16] Yeah, I could see why. It's cool.

Speaker 6:
[54:18] It's got to be difficult, though.

Speaker 3:
[54:20] No, actually, I'm not so sure where... There's a few things in my life. I'm not sure where my excitement comes from. If it's a genuine love of the Wienermobile or just because I think of you, if I see it and think how happy it would make you.

Speaker 2:
[54:32] I don't know, Cubby, but everything you just said was completely adorable.

Speaker 3:
[54:37] I mean, that's why I think I love the Timberwolves now and I'm confident it's because of your appreciation for them.

Speaker 2:
[54:43] Man, you know what I love to do?

Speaker 3:
[54:45] What's that?

Speaker 2:
[54:47] And it makes me really happy when friends give me large amounts of money. Yeah, I mean, think about that. Just think about it.

Speaker 3:
[54:57] I have a home equity line of credit that I could tap into if it helps at all.

Speaker 2:
[55:02] You know what? That would make me happy.

Speaker 3:
[55:04] It would?

Speaker 2:
[55:04] Yeah. All right. Prom is happening, huh? I guess I forget about prom, but that's the...

Speaker 6:
[55:12] Yeah, it's that time of year.

Speaker 2:
[55:13] That's this time of year.

Speaker 3:
[55:14] Oh, is it?

Speaker 6:
[55:14] Yep.

Speaker 3:
[55:15] I don't even know.

Speaker 2:
[55:15] Let me tell you something about prom.

Speaker 3:
[55:17] I mean, I got asked so many times. I just kind of forget.

Speaker 2:
[55:22] Well, I'll tell you one thing about prom. I was the only one of my pals who got laid on prom night, and I was lying.

Speaker 3:
[55:31] I don't know if that was, you know, that was always the thing, right? I remember going to prom. I went my senior year, and I remember thinking, well, this is it. I hadn't lost my virginity yet. And I remember thinking, this is it. It's prom. It's guaranteed to happen tonight. And I was friend-zoned harder than anyone's ever been friend-zoned.

Speaker 2:
[55:50] You still feel that.

Speaker 6:
[55:51] So sad.

Speaker 3:
[55:51] Yeah, I mean, I didn't like, I'm not like an aggressive move maker. But I think even had I been more clear, it wouldn't have happened.

Speaker 2:
[55:59] Was this your senior prom?

Speaker 3:
[56:00] Yes.

Speaker 2:
[56:01] Tell us the moment when it hit you square in the mush that you were in the friggin friend zone.

Speaker 3:
[56:09] I think when I showed up, she was already kissing another guy.

Speaker 6:
[56:11] Ah, yeah. That usually says something.

Speaker 2:
[56:14] Come on, what was the moment? What was the moment where you said, Oh, my damn, I'm not getting anything tonight?

Speaker 3:
[56:21] Well, I guess I don't know. There was no, there was no...

Speaker 2:
[56:26] Defining moment?

Speaker 3:
[56:27] Yeah, there was no, I mean, it was one of those things where it was kind of obvious, like, this isn't going to go anywhere.

Speaker 2:
[56:31] Right from the get-go?

Speaker 3:
[56:32] We had a lot of fun, but yeah, I knew this wasn't going to end with...

Speaker 2:
[56:35] You had a little bit of fun. You didn't have a lot of fun.

Speaker 3:
[56:38] Beam snapped.

Speaker 2:
[56:38] Beam snapped?

Speaker 6:
[56:40] Every one of my proms, I had a long-term boyfriend. He went with to every prom of mine. So it was never like a goal because it was like one of those things that was just going to happen anyway.

Speaker 3:
[56:54] You just knew like it doesn't matter the night.

Speaker 4:
[56:57] We've done this before. We'll do it again.

Speaker 6:
[56:59] Yeah, exactly.

Speaker 2:
[57:00] Speaking of little sayings and little things that you don't understand when you're young, and then when you realize it later, you appreciate its greatness. Again, when I was a kid, all kinds of adult males in my life would say things like, when they would leave the room, they'd say, well, I'm off like a prom dress. And as a kid, I would say, what in God's name does that mean? Got a little older? I appreciate the greatness of it all.

Speaker 3:
[57:28] So, and you graduated most recently, Ashley. What year did you graduate?

Speaker 6:
[57:32] 2016.

Speaker 3:
[57:33] Okay, so I was 93. Jesus. I don't.

Speaker 6:
[57:35] Whatever. I'm sitting here like, that was almost 10 years ago.

Speaker 3:
[57:38] I think we need to card you on your way in now. Was it, was prom the same type of thing? Like when we were growing up, where it's like, well, guaranteed tonight. Did you guys still have that?

Speaker 6:
[57:48] Yeah, I think that was usually the vibe. Well, they started, I guess I never, let me think. No, I never participated in this, but they would all, like a bunch of kids would stay over at somebody else's house and put tents up in the yard. I'm like, okay, so just like a yard full of sex, that's basically what it's going to be.

Speaker 4:
[58:09] It's like sex camp.

Speaker 8:
[58:10] Yard section.

Speaker 6:
[58:11] I always thought it was impressive that parents would let that go down. You know what they're doing out there.

Speaker 3:
[58:16] Yeah, you're right. Camping was always like, oh, they're going to have sex. Yeah. It's like Netflix. You know, when Netflix and Chill was the thing. Oh, you want to watch some Netflix? They're going to have sex.

Speaker 2:
[58:25] You know, you could have given a fun nickname to that yard sex set up with all the tents out there. You could have called it lawn darts. I'll be damned. Hey, Josh, how many stupid news stories, because we had such fun jaw jacking back and forth, this way, that way, how many stupid news stories are left over right here, if you can count them?

Speaker 3:
[58:50] Three, it looks like.

Speaker 2:
[58:51] Now, make another guess for me. Who's the happiest guy in the room right now?

Speaker 3:
[58:57] Can I ask you something?

Speaker 5:
[58:59] Yeah.

Speaker 3:
[59:00] Does he have two thumbs?

Speaker 5:
[59:02] It's that guy.

Speaker 2:
[59:04] Three stories already edited for tomorrow. I'm having the best day ever.

Speaker 1:
[59:10] Sports. On the 93X Half-Assed Morning Show.

Speaker 8:
[59:15] I always was in awe of the job that Alex did hosting this show. The smile, the warmth, the intellect that came through. When somebody said, hey, would you want to fill in as a guest host? Yes, it was my answer and it was quick.

Speaker 2:
[59:30] Everybody's favorite sportscaster, Joe Buck, even though he's always against us. Joe Buck is going to go ahead and host a television program called ESPN Jeopardy. Says here it will be a sports trivia show that will stream or possibly air on the Disney Family of Networks, if you understand what that means, then you're better off than others. He has hosted game shows before, Josh. Joe Buck spent a week as the host of the regular Jeopardy program after Alex Trebek took a dirt nap a few years ago.

Speaker 3:
[60:09] I could see him being a decent host. That ESPN Jeopardy sounds pretty fun. Although it is fun watching the regular Jeopardy questions or contestants try and answer sports questions. Yeah, they know everything in the world except for sports.

Speaker 2:
[60:21] Oh, they blow at sports. It's funny that I love sports trivia. I really do.

Speaker 4:
[60:28] Dan Patrick used to do a version of Sports Jeopardy. That was fantastic.

Speaker 2:
[60:32] I missed it.

Speaker 4:
[60:33] Yeah.

Speaker 2:
[60:33] Did any of you ever watch the show Stump the Schwab? Schwab.

Speaker 4:
[60:39] Yeah, of course.

Speaker 6:
[60:39] No, never heard of it.

Speaker 4:
[60:40] It was fantastic.

Speaker 2:
[60:41] Loved that show. The questions weren't overly ridiculous. It was fairly...

Speaker 3:
[60:46] That's what makes it more fun.

Speaker 2:
[60:48] Answerable. Yes. I mean, isn't that my...

Speaker 4:
[60:51] Yeah.

Speaker 2:
[60:51] Do any of you folks ever played Trivial Pursuit? Or you played it years ago. That was the worst part of Trivial Pursuit. You work your ass off the whole game. You make yourself out to be a total J-Bron, because you can't answer a frigging thing, right? But then you finally get the sports question, and it's horse racing or track and field. Polo. Come on. The thing that made that Schwab show so much fun was it was answerable stuff for average people. And I picture maybe the Joe Buck thing will be similar, but we'll see. I like the guy. Everyone needs to get over it, right? Joe Buck's a good guy.

Speaker 4:
[61:28] He's good at what he does.

Speaker 2:
[61:30] The Pigs, they want to get this one tonight. By God, they do. Pigs stars tonight, game three, right here in town. It starts around 8.30 or 8.45, probably closer to 8.50. It's our rink this time. It's our ice, and it's our ref in town. Bleed all over them, Cubby.

Speaker 3:
[61:49] That's right.

Speaker 2:
[61:51] Oh, by the way, real quick, I know we're running later than hell. I'm sorry. This is funny. A listener by the name of 2putjesus texted in with a question for us. Is Marcus Spallino on today? No. We're hoping to talk to him. We talk to him every two weeks. We're hoping to have him on next Wednesday when they'll be up to game four in the series. That's a joke. What day is it today? Wednesday. Yeah, we hope to talk to him next Wednesday, right? And maybe, I'm guessing, the Stars Pig series will still be active at that point. But this is a funny text from 2putjesus. He says, if Marcus is on today, which he isn't, will somebody ask him to chill the F out?

Speaker 3:
[62:32] One, two, three, not it. You guys go ahead.

Speaker 2:
[62:35] 2putjesus, he thinks that Marcus is a little too aggressive out there. Twins got a win last night. Randy Shaver, Brad Ryder, C. Willie Miles, every damn body going to join us in a half hour. Cubby's got some more news for you here in a couple of minutes.

Speaker 11:
[62:47] I want to be wined and dined at 69.

Speaker 1:
[62:53] 93X Half-Assed Morning Show.

Speaker 12:
[62:56] It's like obviously weird behavior.

Speaker 10:
[62:58] To have someone just like grab people, that's a little shocking.

Speaker 12:
[63:01] Knowing that someone can get away with doing that to so many women before being caught. You think twice before visiting these stores, at least by yourself.

Speaker 3:
[63:07] A 23-year-old Oregon man is accused of posing as a reflexology student for half a decade, telling women he needed help with a school project in order to feed his insatiable foot fetish for the feminine feed on which he was fixated. The Hillsboro District Attorney's Office said Cedric Valdez would wander through large retail stores, patrol parking lots, and linger near storefronts and shopping centers, delivering his well-practiced pitch. He claimed to be a reflexology student, studying a therapeutic practice for stress relief. But what he really wanted was to gain access to their oh-so-tempting, erection-inducing feet. He told his victims he was conducting a school project, the classic case of academic-sounding alibi meets toe-targeted intentions, and he needed help for his studies. Over time, he's accused of massaging his victims' feet, and in many cases, smelling, kissing, and even licking them.

Speaker 2:
[64:06] He'll give them... oh, hi.

Speaker 3:
[64:08] Hi.

Speaker 6:
[64:09] Hey.

Speaker 2:
[64:09] Go ahead.

Speaker 3:
[64:10] He'll give them, you said?

Speaker 2:
[64:12] Doesn't matter. Oh, okay. Forgot to turn on my microphone.

Speaker 3:
[64:15] Real quick.

Speaker 6:
[64:15] It's okay.

Speaker 3:
[64:16] Real quick, if I could. It matters to me. He would ask women if he could follow them to their cars, where he would remove their shoes and begin rubbing their feet, sometimes snapping photos and shooting videos, which he would later, out of respect, upload to porn sites. After his arrest, Valdez told police he was not a student, and that feet made him horny. He said he lied about the project to access as many little piggies as possible, with prosecutors estimating he had more than 100 victims.

Speaker 13:
[64:45] Prosecutors say he admitted to being sexually attracted to feet and said he had been doing this sort of thing for five years. The victims range in age from 14 to 47.

Speaker 3:
[64:55] Police say he was arrested at one of his usual high-heel haunting locations, a Target store, and is scheduled to go on trial in August.

Speaker 2:
[65:04] Feet, huh?

Speaker 4:
[65:06] Man, there's nobody more passionate about something than feet people are for feet.

Speaker 3:
[65:10] It does seem like of the compulsions, that one's a big one. Anytime we talk about it, the folks are obsessed. And maybe if you're just somebody who's into feet, you're tired of hearing about these guys. They're giving you a bad name. But I hear what you're saying there.

Speaker 4:
[65:23] Yeah, I mean, they come up with some odd scenarios in which to get access to feet.

Speaker 3:
[65:29] It hasn't been disclosed what kind of drug she was on, but based on the details of the following incident, it must have been a real good one. At Lake Mineola High School in Florida, a substitute teacher was arrested after being caught acting erratically in class. You'd be the judge. The incident unfolded about 10, 20 a.m. Monday when a school resource deputy received a staff alert for behavior that could be generously described as spirited. When the deputy arrived at the classroom, they found the substitute identified as 56-year-old Angela Faith Jordan yelling incoherently. Saying they should put her in a prison for life.

Speaker 2:
[66:07] She was saying that she needs to be put into prison for life?

Speaker 3:
[66:10] Yeah.

Speaker 6:
[66:11] Oh, what'd she do?

Speaker 3:
[66:12] She had a lot of things to say about herself. She'd been screaming at the top of her lungs, slamming her hands on a desk, making inappropriate statements to students, and in a move rarely found in standard curricula, twerking in the classroom. More evidence she deviated from an approved lesson plan, included telling students she would engage in sexual activity with them if they'd only ask.

Speaker 2:
[66:34] Hey, need a BJ? I'm your gal.

Speaker 6:
[66:36] Hey, I'm right over here.

Speaker 3:
[66:38] And then she referred to herself as a quote, million dollar prostitute, a claim she may need to fall back on as now she's out of a job.

Speaker 5:
[66:46] I'm now spending a million dollars cash to become an escort prostitute and I said no.

Speaker 2:
[66:52] Okay, she's cursing, swearing, she's twerking, she's offering up BJs and she's claiming herself to be a million dollar prostitute. Now, I have a question for you, Josh.

Speaker 3:
[67:01] Yeah.

Speaker 2:
[67:01] Does this automatically go into the history books as the greatest day in the history of junior high?

Speaker 3:
[67:07] Without a doubt.

Speaker 2:
[67:08] Yes.

Speaker 3:
[67:08] Without a doubt. I mean, they talk about this at every reunion coming up, assuming they have one in junior high. Well, this actually was a high school.

Speaker 2:
[67:17] Oh.

Speaker 3:
[67:17] So yeah, I'm sure they're going to talk about that.

Speaker 2:
[67:20] This is the greatest day ever. I'm sure a few of the students said out loud.

Speaker 3:
[67:24] The assistant principal rushed in and instructed Jordan to gather her belongings and take off. She refused. But she did admit she didn't want to be tased by the deputy. She continued refusing to leave, and a deputy ultimately restrained her and escorted her to the front office. That's how you know you're in trouble. Meanwhile, investigators spoke with a victim who said Jordan yelled at her, called her a derogatory name, and placed her hands on her head and the back of her neck before moving her hand toward her throat. Jordan now faces misdemeanor charges of disorderly conduct, simple battery and two counts of disruption of school functions.

Speaker 2:
[67:59] We had some nutty substitutes, but we can't come close to that one, Josh.

Speaker 3:
[68:05] We never had a weird one.

Speaker 14:
[68:07] Oh.

Speaker 6:
[68:08] We never had a normal one.

Speaker 14:
[68:09] Oh, they were all weird.

Speaker 3:
[68:12] A Maryland high school employee has been arrested after he was accused of filming students undressing in a girl's changing room last week.

Speaker 15:
[68:20] I just want to say, I mean, it's kind of crazy walking around every day, and it's like, it could be anybody. People are calling it disgusting, and that's what it is. It's really heartbreaking.

Speaker 3:
[68:28] Total penis face James Mulhern III, a media service technician at Walter Johnson High School in Montgomery County, was seen on camera placing a recording device inside the girl's changing room in the school theater just before several teenage girls entered to change ahead of a show. The device was later discovered in the theater's control booth, prompting school employees to call police last Wednesday and notify the principal.

Speaker 16:
[68:52] Police say two students found a video camera in the school's theater's control booth and reviewed the footage. Core documents say the memory card had videos of a man placing the camera inside the theater girl's changing room and then several teen girls changing before a school performance.

Speaker 3:
[69:06] When questioned, he first denied recording any student. I'm not that type of guy. But later admitted to having an inappropriate attraction to multiple students while working at the high school. And it didn't help his case when investigators recovered several pieces of evidence from both the school and his home.

Speaker 2:
[69:22] So he said, no, that wasn't me. But just for the record, I find a lot of these kids pretty hot.

Speaker 3:
[69:27] Yeah. And inappropriately so. He has since been placed on leave without pay as that investigation continues.

Speaker 2:
[69:36] We've gotten to the point now, Josh, where this absolutely never works. Maybe some pervert's got away with it 25, 30 years ago, but these days, just know, if you're going to put a camera in somebody's bathroom or locker room, you will be caught for this.

Speaker 3:
[69:54] Thank goodness, too. Yeah. You hear so many of these stories of things going on in school. It had to have been going on when we were young, right? It's just we didn't know.

Speaker 2:
[70:04] Absolutely.

Speaker 3:
[70:04] Now, like you said, people are getting caught. Relationships with the teachers and stuff, it seems so common now that it must have been. There's no way this is so new.

Speaker 2:
[70:13] Oh yeah. There's video. Some 87-year-old female teacher, Josh, from your day has video of you in your underwear. You just have to accept it. It happened, but people weren't aware of it back then.

Speaker 3:
[70:29] It's a film strip from my day.

Speaker 2:
[70:31] Yeah. Now, you're going to be caught.

Speaker 3:
[70:35] I loved being the film strip turner, by the way. I would volunteer where the little beep would happen, and I just turn that little knob to go to the next slide.

Speaker 2:
[70:44] Oh, you were the slideshow guy.

Speaker 3:
[70:46] Yeah. So, beep, and then I turned that thing.

Speaker 2:
[70:48] Yeah, me and my pal, we were the projector guys.

Speaker 3:
[70:52] Oh, yeah, I would volunteer for that, too.

Speaker 2:
[70:54] If any class needed a reel-to-reel projector, because it was movie day, me and my pal Taylor, we were the ones to fetch it. And we thought we were stone pimps by having that responsibility.

Speaker 3:
[71:08] Oh, yeah, I would try and... I hit that beep. I try and time it out perfectly. Put on a real good show is what I tried to do.

Speaker 2:
[71:14] If your slideshow skills were anything like your radio editing skills, I'm sure that you put on a great show for your classmates.

Speaker 3:
[71:24] You honor me. You honor me. It's just caring. That's all it is. You care. In class, you can expect flash cards, but usually the in-school flashing doesn't include teacher nipples. A Washington State High School teacher is under fire after her PowerPoint presentation went bust.

Speaker 2:
[71:42] Oh no, does she lose one in the process?

Speaker 3:
[71:44] No. She flashed some topless photos to students during a classroom presentation.

Speaker 2:
[71:49] Oh, I thought maybe it was going to be just an accidental loose puppy.

Speaker 3:
[71:52] No, accidental photos.

Speaker 2:
[71:54] She showed the kids pictures of her in the nude?

Speaker 3:
[71:56] Yeah. Well, someone's boobs, they're investigating to see if it was hers or a friend's, but it appears to be hers as well. Oh God.

Speaker 6:
[72:04] That sucks. Sorry.

Speaker 4:
[72:05] Mistakes happen.

Speaker 3:
[72:06] At Glacier Peak High School, a name that's suddenly taken on a whole new meaning, a teacher accidentally included some very revealing slides in a PowerPoint last Wednesday.

Speaker 1:
[72:16] Scrolled over, it was one nude photo. It was like about two rows of nude photos.

Speaker 3:
[72:23] In a letter, the Glacier Peak Principal wrote, it is our understanding these images have since been viewed by many others beyond the classroom. People took pictures and shared. The content included images of nude breasts and were briefly visible during a teacher's PowerPoint presentation, the principal said. She said the troubling mistake, which is under investigation, is not a reflection of the school's expectations for quote classroom materials.

Speaker 2:
[72:48] So, the school believes that it was an accident?

Speaker 3:
[72:50] They do think it was an accident.

Speaker 2:
[72:51] Okay.

Speaker 3:
[72:52] The presentation included four images of exposed bosoms appearing in small preview style boxes on one of the slides, thumbnails that revealed a bit more than intended. While the impromptu and unexpected sex ed moment has been racked up to an accident, some members of the public were quick to voice concerns about what was shown in class.

Speaker 2:
[73:11] Unfortunately, if this really was an accident, there's a group of people out there who are never going to believe this woman.

Speaker 3:
[73:17] Oh, and there's some that don't care. A lot of people got a little testes about the naked body parts. In fact, one person went to the extreme saying whoever it was should be arrested for showing pornography to children. The district assured families it aims to keep things buttoned up moving forward and followed a established process to determine next steps.

Speaker 2:
[73:41] Well, there you, I know I mentioned this once or twice before, but humbling, is that the correct word? You tell me, Josh. A very humbling moment from when I was a young kid in fifth grade. When class let out, my female teacher asked me to stay behind and I thought, oh God, what have I done? And she said, look, you gotta stop trying to look down my shirt.

Speaker 3:
[74:12] Were you guilty?

Speaker 2:
[74:13] Yes. Yes. Yeah. And I was so embarrassed. But she was right. I spent all my time trying to look at her boobs. Jeez. And she said, I had to stop it.

Speaker 6:
[74:30] Did you stop or try to, at least, or no? No. You didn't. No.

Speaker 3:
[74:36] Yeah, it seems like stories we hear nowadays it would be followed by, and maybe mix it up with looking up my skirt with what's going on.

Speaker 5:
[74:42] Oh.

Speaker 2:
[74:44] Ashley, I didn't stop, but I certainly tried to make it less obvious.

Speaker 3:
[74:49] A little more sly.

Speaker 6:
[74:50] That's nice of you.

Speaker 3:
[74:50] Wearing mirrored sunglasses in the class. Here's what's stepping into the ring and streaming on our screens today. Netflix Hulk Hogan Real American. The new documentary goes beyond the larger than life persona to tell the story of the man behind the bandana. Before he was Hulk Hogan, he was Terry Balea.

Speaker 2:
[75:11] Terry Balea.

Speaker 3:
[75:12] And his documentary dives into his rise, legacy, and cultural impact. It also features what is presented as his final interview. Jeffrey Dean Morgan Negan on The Walking Dead is 60 Today.

Speaker 2:
[75:25] Hey, real quick, back to the Hogan documentary. This is going to be very sad, isn't it? Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 4:
[75:31] I've read some reviews.

Speaker 3:
[75:32] Yep.

Speaker 2:
[75:33] And I have one more question. Are they going to cover the time period when he was the original bass player for Metallica?

Speaker 3:
[75:42] Well, I think that's the first like 20 minutes.

Speaker 2:
[75:45] Is him playing live with James and Dave Mustaine and Don't Tell Me Lars Ulrich?

Speaker 3:
[75:51] Yeah, I think they'd be very, just the Metallica would be very curious to see how that worked out too, after all of his claims.

Speaker 2:
[75:57] If you don't know what we're referring to, many years ago, this is what we heard, Hulk Hogan started telling people that he was in Metallica, that he was the original bass player. And someone asked Lars Ulrich about it and he said, I have absolutely no idea what this man is talking about.

Speaker 3:
[76:16] He took a lot of hits to the head.

Speaker 2:
[76:17] He did tell a lot of stories. Hulk told a lot of stories.

Speaker 3:
[76:21] Jack Nicholson, 89.

Speaker 10:
[76:23] Oh! Wow.

Speaker 3:
[76:24] Shout out to Paper Hall and Jesus, taking 93X with them, streaming during his weekly Nebraska run. We appreciate it. Good luck to Payroll Jesus, heading in for some urgery this morning. Happy 29th birthday to Jake from Papa G, who also thanks him for his new grandbaby, Maeve.

Speaker 2:
[76:41] Maeve!

Speaker 3:
[76:42] If I could, I'd like to selfishly recognize a couple of family members with birthdays today. Happy birthday to my wife, as well as my brother-in-law.

Speaker 2:
[76:51] Well, yeah, when you say selfish, your wife does come to mind.

Speaker 3:
[76:55] Happy 44th to Roxy from Hillman Welder Jesus, and happy 55th to Ed from Your Better Half. That's 93X News.

Speaker 1:
[77:04] Randy Shaver and Brad Ryder on the Half-Assed Morning Show.

Speaker 10:
[77:09] I love Dante. I told him after the game he got gorilla nuts. He's willing to take any kind of shot at any moment of the game, no matter how far it is. And you got to live with it, because he makes those a lot of times. And when he took the three at the end today, I was like, ah, Dante, then he made it. I was like, let's go, Dante.

Speaker 2:
[77:28] You know, if you didn't know it before this year Denver Series, if you didn't know it before the Denver Series, now you know. The Timberwolves are a very quotable group of guys. We welcome in Randy Shaver. Good morning, good morning. Willie Miles has just gotten comfortable in studio. Good morning, C. Willie. Good morning.

Speaker 5:
[77:48] Where Brad Ryder at?

Speaker 3:
[77:51] I'm here. Present.

Speaker 2:
[77:52] What a quotable group, the Timberwolves. That was Anthony Edwards, of course, after their big win in game two. Someone asked him about Dante DiVincenzo, who made some huge shots in that game. And you heard it right there. A1 from day one said that Dante got gorilla nuts.

Speaker 10:
[78:12] I'd be A1 from day one.

Speaker 11:
[78:15] I still think the biggest quote, though, the one that's going to be on the wall tomorrow at Target Center is what Jaden McDaniels said about the defense of the Denver Nuts.

Speaker 2:
[78:24] Well, there's no arguing that.

Speaker 11:
[78:27] That one could come back to bite him.

Speaker 2:
[78:30] Oh, I think he knew the risks.

Speaker 11:
[78:33] You may have poked the bear by doing that.

Speaker 2:
[78:36] He knew the risks. He just wanted to be a dick. Like we discussed yesterday, we discussed the Jaden McDaniels quote yesterday. I love it when my favorite local clubs act like dicks. And that's all Jaden, I think, was doing after the game when he pointed out how bad, in his opinion, Denver is at playing defense and even named the players that he thinks are bad defenders. Tim Hardaway, Cam Johnson, Aaron Gordon. Well, he actually said the whole team, they're all bad defenders.

Speaker 7:
[79:06] I want to wait until after you win the series.

Speaker 2:
[79:08] No, I like it. I like it. He's being a dick. He's being a dick.

Speaker 14:
[79:13] Is it true?

Speaker 2:
[79:15] I don't really know.

Speaker 11:
[79:19] I think the Wolves have their share of bad defenders too.

Speaker 14:
[79:22] Seriously?

Speaker 8:
[79:23] Yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 11:
[79:24] I mean, I think every team in the NBA.

Speaker 2:
[79:27] Every team in the NBA.

Speaker 7:
[79:29] Or effort on defense. Yeah, I think I think that's, you know, you play you play you play defense for what? Two quarters the other night. And all of a sudden you're going to call out the other team.

Speaker 11:
[79:39] I really think that's the that's the that's the actual proper word to use. It's not necessarily defense as much as effort. When you give effort, you can make up for some things on defense. If you if you give 100 percent effort. So I just think that they they have to be careful. Don't don't poke the bear, you know, just take care of business. Keep your mouth closed.

Speaker 2:
[80:03] These two teams have each other.

Speaker 7:
[80:05] How many times have I said how many times have I said this is an immature team? I mean, Brad, I listen, Brad, I hope no, no, listen, listen to me. I mean, if they if they feel like if they feel like they're so far above all this, then prove it between the lines like you did the second half the other night. They played a great second half. But I mean, like Randy said, you're just poking the bear. Just play the game and win the series and then talk.

Speaker 5:
[80:30] Eff it. Poke the bear.

Speaker 14:
[80:32] Yeah, you got to poke at it, man.

Speaker 5:
[80:34] Poke at them. These two kids.

Speaker 14:
[80:36] Too many egos, man.

Speaker 2:
[80:37] Brad, Brad, you overthink these situations.

Speaker 11:
[80:43] I don't think so. I don't think he over thinks it.

Speaker 2:
[80:46] These two teams hate each other. Once in a while, you're just going to be a dick. I mean, don't.

Speaker 11:
[80:51] Sure. I totally get where you're coming from, Nick. That's fine if you want to do that. The problem is the Wolves haven't won anything. You know?

Speaker 7:
[81:02] They haven't won anything.

Speaker 11:
[81:03] Yeah. I mean, I just think that you're better, sir.

Speaker 7:
[81:08] They act like they've won back-to-back championships or something. They haven't won anything.

Speaker 14:
[81:13] Well, have you guys ever heard of Fake It Till You Make It?

Speaker 11:
[81:16] They barely survived to be the 16th in the West.

Speaker 2:
[81:19] I mean, really, Miles says Fake It Till You Make It.

Speaker 11:
[81:22] I think they just have to play. I think they just have to be quiet and play.

Speaker 16:
[81:27] Stan, Grandma said she poked you and you haven't sent a poke back.

Speaker 12:
[81:31] Dad, I didn't even want to do it.

Speaker 5:
[81:33] Stan, poke your grandma.

Speaker 2:
[81:38] I don't see anything wrong with starting a little trouble.

Speaker 11:
[81:42] I get what you're doing.

Speaker 2:
[81:43] And I get what you're saying too. I'm just saying, these guys are young, they hate each other, they're angry. They're going to say things, sure, it might come back and bite him in the ass. So what? So what? You're just being a dick and having some fun.

Speaker 4:
[82:01] It's not like Denver players read that quote or heard that audio and said, all right, well, now I'm going to try. Now I'm really going to go for it.

Speaker 7:
[82:08] They might.

Speaker 4:
[82:09] All right. I don't think so.

Speaker 7:
[82:12] They all have something we don't have. What is a ring?

Speaker 5:
[82:16] Oh, God.

Speaker 4:
[82:17] Get over it. This whole year-and-a-hours stuff is just unbelievable.

Speaker 8:
[82:21] It's sports.

Speaker 4:
[82:22] Let them have fun.

Speaker 5:
[82:23] Jesus Christ.

Speaker 14:
[82:23] That's why I make fun of them.

Speaker 7:
[82:25] Well, we can have fun and we can keep losing series. That's fine.

Speaker 4:
[82:28] Geez, you hate the Timber Rolls, Brad. Just admit it.

Speaker 11:
[82:30] No, I do not.

Speaker 7:
[82:32] I do not anymore. Every person from that organization who I had a beef with is gone. I want them to win. The reason I'm frustrated is me. The reason I'm frustrated is because I want them to win. I want them to win and when I see stuff like this, I'm like, you guys just shut up and play.

Speaker 3:
[82:48] You know, Nick, when you were-

Speaker 14:
[82:49] Don't say that.

Speaker 3:
[82:51] When you were doing The Belger?

Speaker 14:
[82:52] That's never been a part of the game.

Speaker 7:
[82:54] Right.

Speaker 14:
[82:54] Everybody talks trash.

Speaker 3:
[82:56] It sounded like a fire in 1992.

Speaker 15:
[82:59] That's the whole fire alarm.

Speaker 14:
[83:00] I don't care how big of a winner or loser you are, you're going to talk trash.

Speaker 3:
[83:03] Or 22, I should say.

Speaker 7:
[83:05] You can talk trash on the court, just don't say stuff like that in the press. I worked in PR for God knows how long. Stuff like that makes you cringe if you're a PR person, I'm sorry.

Speaker 4:
[83:14] No, those poor PR people. Nick, you're not thinking about the PR people.

Speaker 3:
[83:19] Don't be talking trash.

Speaker 4:
[83:21] Spare a thought for the poor PR people.

Speaker 2:
[83:23] Let's go.

Speaker 7:
[83:24] I guess I don't know what I'm talking about.

Speaker 2:
[83:26] Let's get to some more quotable Terminowolf's comments. Let's see where we can go with this.

Speaker 7:
[83:34] We win this series, you can tell me I was flat out wrong.

Speaker 2:
[83:38] OK, Brad.

Speaker 4:
[83:40] I really don't care one way or the other.

Speaker 2:
[83:42] Rudy Gobert, Rudy Gobert. He was he had some media talk to him after game two, and they asked him if he was motivated after finishing fourth in the defensive player of the year vote. And Rudy said this one, I can't get I can't get past this one. Rudy said they want to disrespect greatness. Wow. I love that. It sounds like something something from like a Clash of the Titans movie, right? Like a Kings and Queens.

Speaker 3:
[84:22] Oh, yeah.

Speaker 2:
[84:23] What was that? Yeah. What was that show called? Game of Thrones.

Speaker 3:
[84:26] It does. I'm picturing a lot of reverb on it when they say it.

Speaker 2:
[84:30] When the King gets his toe stepped upon, oh, you want to disrespect greatness? That's what Rudy said when they were asking him if he's motivated by finishing fourth in the Defensive Player of the Year vote. Not the first time I get disrespected, probably not the last, but sooner or later, they'll realize the impact, impact, impact. Jesus, these guys are, I think these guys are nuts. I think some of them are nuts.

Speaker 4:
[85:00] I think you're right.

Speaker 2:
[85:03] Oh, and then some, and then now here's the passive aggressiveness now. So then someone asked Rudy Gobert, how did you stop Jokic there in clutch time in game two? You stopped Jokic and he said, I'm sorry?

Speaker 11:
[85:17] He didn't stop him. Jokic stopped himself. Jokic couldn't make a shot.

Speaker 2:
[85:22] Okay. That's not the point, but sure.

Speaker 7:
[85:24] One for ten, one for ten in the fourth quarter, something like that.

Speaker 2:
[85:29] Here's where Rudy gets real passive aggressive. How did you stop Jokic? And Rudy said, oh, I was lucky because as you guys know, I'm not a top defender. I got lucky.

Speaker 4:
[85:41] That's hilarious.

Speaker 14:
[85:41] I love that guy. Oh, man, I'm not a top defender.

Speaker 4:
[85:46] I don't know why I did it. It must have been luck.

Speaker 2:
[85:48] Who, me? Oh, you're asking me how I played a little defense? Well, what would I know about defense, right? Because I didn't win top defender.

Speaker 5:
[85:57] That's so good. I know. It's like you're talking to a seventh grader.

Speaker 2:
[86:04] I love these frigging guys as dangerous as they might be with the yappers. And then Anthony Edwards, sure with the gorilla nuts. Onions, that's my favorite.

Speaker 3:
[86:14] Oh, that is a good one. Michael Grady says, doesn't he say?

Speaker 2:
[86:19] That's a Bill. Bill Rafferty. Bill Rafferty, Bill Raftery, however you say it.

Speaker 3:
[86:24] Grady says something like that. I thought it was onions.

Speaker 2:
[86:27] What does he say?

Speaker 4:
[86:28] I know he's got one. When you hit a big three pointer, he's got something. I can't think of the top of my head. I bet somebody can text us in and remind us.

Speaker 2:
[86:35] Yeah, the onions thing is, is it Rafferty or Raftery?

Speaker 7:
[86:39] Raftery.

Speaker 2:
[86:40] Raftery, who we just got done hearing him call the college. That dude is just one of the best in the business.

Speaker 11:
[86:48] He is the best, yes.

Speaker 7:
[86:49] Hey, at least people can't complain about the announcers from the game the other night.

Speaker 2:
[86:53] What's that?

Speaker 7:
[86:55] At least people can't complain about the announcers from the other night.

Speaker 3:
[86:57] Oh, no, they can. They sure have been doing that, haven't they?

Speaker 2:
[87:00] Give us a minute on that, Brad Ryder.

Speaker 5:
[87:02] Give us a minute. No, no, no, we'll get there.

Speaker 2:
[87:04] We'll get there. But if you don't know what we're talking about, Bill Rafterty, just a wonderful guy, and does such a great job covering college basketball. When a player hits a big clutch shot, he says, and the way he says it is so beautiful. Right, right. He says, onions.

Speaker 8:
[87:27] Wow.

Speaker 13:
[87:28] Three pointer.

Speaker 8:
[87:40] That's a three to tie it.

Speaker 2:
[87:47] We got it. What's your name, Josh? What Michael Grady says is bottoms.

Speaker 1:
[87:53] Oh, yeah.

Speaker 3:
[87:55] Does he say cash?

Speaker 4:
[87:57] Yes, cash. I thought there was a three ball corner pocket, too. Word.

Speaker 3:
[88:00] I thought there was like an onion, something similar to that. Okay, yeah. I've heard those.

Speaker 2:
[88:05] He is so wonderful, Michael Grady.

Speaker 3:
[88:07] He really is.

Speaker 2:
[88:09] You know, last year, my wife and I went to go see the Timbalwell, and we like to get there awful early just because we're old now and we want to be seated and...

Speaker 11:
[88:26] Get good parking, find something to eat.

Speaker 4:
[88:29] Don't have to wait in line.

Speaker 3:
[88:31] Go to the bathroom before the game.

Speaker 11:
[88:33] Know where the bathroom is.

Speaker 5:
[88:38] All of the above.

Speaker 3:
[88:40] I know exactly what you're talking about.

Speaker 11:
[88:41] Oh, for sure.

Speaker 5:
[88:43] For sure.

Speaker 14:
[88:44] To this day.

Speaker 3:
[88:45] My family gets upset with me. Why do we have to be there an hour ahead of time? I'm like, you don't understand. There's so much to do.

Speaker 14:
[88:51] You'll see.

Speaker 11:
[88:52] There's nothing worse than stressing when you have to go to a game like that.

Speaker 3:
[88:56] Totally agree.

Speaker 11:
[88:58] Yeah, just nothing worse.

Speaker 4:
[88:59] We're getting dinner with a couple friends of ours, and they're engaged, and they're about 10 or 12 years younger than us. They're in their early 30s. And they said, hey, you know, next Saturday we had plans, but we lucked into some Tim Rolfe's tickets. Would you guys be okay with getting dinner like 5 o'clock? And my response is, we're 40. 330 would be perfect.

Speaker 2:
[89:20] So, yeah, my wife and I went to the game off full early, we're walking through the concourse, and here comes Michael Grady. And he's got his backpack, he's on his way over to the broadcast booth. This is a good hour before game time. And he walks past us, and I said, hey, Michael Grady, love what you do. And he said, thanks. And we kept walking, and my wife says, Jesus Christ, I just got so nervous.

Speaker 3:
[89:49] He exudes cool.

Speaker 2:
[89:51] We are both such big fans that she admitted, like she said, I locked up. As soon as I saw him, I locked up. I was so freaking nervous, I couldn't say. So who said something about people criticizing the announcers from the other night? All right.

Speaker 7:
[90:06] I just said that I was kind of poking fun at people. I said, we can't say anything negative about these announcers since they're on Earth, right?

Speaker 2:
[90:16] Right. But Nuggets fans, no likey. Nope.

Speaker 7:
[90:19] Oh, OK.

Speaker 2:
[90:21] Nuggets fans, no likey. NBC has been criticized for putting Timberwolves announcer Michael Grady and former Timberwolves player Austin Rivers on the playoff broadcast.

Speaker 7:
[90:36] Austin Rivers played for like five minutes.

Speaker 11:
[90:39] Austin Rivers played for everybody. I mean, come on.

Speaker 7:
[90:42] Yeah, exactly.

Speaker 3:
[90:42] Including Denver.

Speaker 5:
[90:44] Come on. Yeah, she did play for Denver a couple of years before.

Speaker 11:
[90:47] Michael Grady was national this year. He really wasn't with the Wolves very much, so.

Speaker 7:
[90:55] But Michael Breen should never do a game against the Wolves and Nick's been because he's their regular announcer. I mean, people got to chill out.

Speaker 2:
[91:03] One comment said, again, these are Nuggets fans. I think NBC paid extra for the commentators to glaze Minnesota to the max.

Speaker 3:
[91:13] I hate that term.

Speaker 2:
[91:15] That's the first time I've heard that, glaze.

Speaker 3:
[91:17] Young people say that.

Speaker 2:
[91:20] The accused Gradian Rivers of being biased.

Speaker 11:
[91:25] Like that changes the outcome of the game.

Speaker 14:
[91:27] I mean, come on. Exactly.

Speaker 2:
[91:29] One person even called Austin Rivers a real douche. Again, they're forgetting that Austin Rivers played in Denver a couple years before he played here. In particular, OK, let's get to the specifics here.

Speaker 14:
[91:47] Hey, can I admit something? I don't usually confide in people about my sports, watching activities. Do you realize that when I watch football and basketball on TV, I do not watch it with the volume up?

Speaker 7:
[92:04] Oh, yeah.

Speaker 14:
[92:04] Drives my wife nuts.

Speaker 5:
[92:05] I can turn it all the way down.

Speaker 7:
[92:08] There's a lot of nights I don't either. There's a lot of nights I don't either.

Speaker 14:
[92:10] I played and coached the game so long, I'd literally look at it and I can tell what's going on. And I just can't, I don't like commentary on any parts. I'm used to being in a headset listening to it.

Speaker 7:
[92:24] To be honest with you, a lot of it isn't very good.

Speaker 14:
[92:26] No, it isn't.

Speaker 7:
[92:28] So you're better off turning it down. Yeah, there are certain people who are very good, like Michael Grady, but there are other people who are just awful. And so you gotta turn it down.

Speaker 2:
[92:37] I get what you're saying there, C. Willie Monser.

Speaker 11:
[92:40] Like the other night, Brad, when you sent a text and said, you felt so bad for Kevin Harlan, who was doing the Playboy play. And the two analysts with him. He was just, yeah, I got you.

Speaker 2:
[92:55] Who was Kevin Harlan working with?

Speaker 11:
[92:57] Oh, I didn't want to say. I won't say.

Speaker 7:
[92:59] I don't want to say either.

Speaker 2:
[93:01] Why don't you want to say? Were they local people?

Speaker 11:
[93:03] No, but it doesn't matter. The point was that Brad, Brad sent a text out. I think, Nick, you were part of that.

Speaker 2:
[93:11] Oh, I missed that.

Speaker 11:
[93:12] He too said, boy, Kevin Harlan, I feel bad for Kevin Harlan because it's not a good combination of people.

Speaker 2:
[93:19] Well, are you guys OK if someone else has the answer to the question? Who was Kevin Harlan working with? Anyone know?

Speaker 7:
[93:25] All right.

Speaker 2:
[93:26] Maybe we'll figure it out. But you're saying they were terrible. OK.

Speaker 7:
[93:29] Well, they're not terrible, but they're just they just wouldn't shut up. They wouldn't let Kevin talk, I mean, at all. They wouldn't let him call the game.

Speaker 2:
[93:38] So here's the specifics on what had Denver Nugget fans upset while Michael Grady and Austin Rivers were working the Wolves Nuggets game the other night. In particular, they did not like that Grady, listen to this, this is good. They did not like that Grady and Rivers used nicknames like Ant or Ant Man. They thought that national game announcers shouldn't act so familiar with anybody in particular.

Speaker 14:
[94:05] Well, they don't.

Speaker 2:
[94:05] Because that shows favoritism.

Speaker 14:
[94:08] No. It's a man's nickname.

Speaker 2:
[94:12] Right. This is good.

Speaker 14:
[94:15] That's like calling Magic Johnson Irving.

Speaker 7:
[94:18] Right.

Speaker 14:
[94:18] His name is Magic.

Speaker 7:
[94:20] I'll go ahead and tell you who we worked with in game one, because it just came to me.

Speaker 2:
[94:24] Who was it?

Speaker 7:
[94:24] It was Dwayne Wade and Candace Parker.

Speaker 14:
[94:27] Oh, well, that makes sense.

Speaker 7:
[94:29] I don't know that. Dwayne Wade just hasn't done a lot of it.

Speaker 11:
[94:32] No.

Speaker 7:
[94:33] Candace Parker just won't stop talking.

Speaker 5:
[94:37] So, it wasn't very good.

Speaker 2:
[94:38] Victor Wemba-Yamba.

Speaker 11:
[94:39] Oh, terrible fall.

Speaker 3:
[94:41] That was awful.

Speaker 11:
[94:43] That's a long way to fall, too, boy.

Speaker 2:
[94:46] He went and got himself a concussion in last night's ball game between the Spurs and the Trail Blazers.

Speaker 3:
[94:52] Looks like he took a little nap there for a second.

Speaker 11:
[94:55] And the thing is, if you didn't, if you assumed the fall was backwards, which is what I assumed because I didn't see it. I watched it this morning. I read, concussed and fell. Oh, he must have fallen backwards. That's not the case. Oh, my God. That was just a terrible fall.

Speaker 2:
[95:14] You're right, Cubby. It looked like he took a little nappy. Now, I don't know. I don't know how bad off the kid is, but I mean, he literally dribbled his own skull on the basketball court.

Speaker 11:
[95:30] He just couldn't get his hands in front of him to brace himself.

Speaker 2:
[95:33] I've seen Big Al do that after too many Steve Wasers. Wimba Yommie? Wimba Yombo. He's still a baby.

Speaker 11:
[95:39] That was just awful.

Speaker 2:
[95:41] His frigging skull bounced on the court more than once.

Speaker 4:
[95:44] Yeah, it was like he was skipping a rock.

Speaker 2:
[95:46] Yeah. Jesus, it looked like it hurt.

Speaker 11:
[95:49] Oh, I can't even. So let's look big picture just for a second. If Wimba Nyamma can't play for the next couple of games.

Speaker 2:
[95:59] Yeah.

Speaker 11:
[96:00] Portland won last night, even that series. The winner of that is who the Wolves would play if they beat Denver. So, I mean, what a gift it would be. Not that Portland's terrible, but what a gift if somehow Portland were to upset San Antonio and that's who the Wolves would get in the semifinal of the West. That'd be insane.

Speaker 2:
[96:24] Oh, my God. Yeah, that was a pretty nasty.

Speaker 11:
[96:28] Oh, bad.

Speaker 2:
[96:30] Situation there for Wimba. So, yeah, Portland wins last night on the road. Philadelphia won in their series again.

Speaker 11:
[96:37] Big win.

Speaker 2:
[96:38] The Houston Rockets are going to ruin everything.

Speaker 11:
[96:41] Yep. And the Lakers are without Luca and Reeves, I believe, right?

Speaker 2:
[96:46] They're going to ruin everything, the Houston Rockets. All right. I foresee a carnival like atmosphere at tonight's hockey game in St. Paul. It's going to be a carnival like atmosphere. Pig Stars Game 3. I know your newspaper says game time is 8.30. I think you'd be all right if you walk into the rink at 8.45. Yep. It's time to get back to business in the Pig Stars Series Game 3 tonight. Give it all you got. They want this one at home, by God. They do. And they're sticking with Jesper Volstead.

Speaker 11:
[97:31] Oh, boy.

Speaker 2:
[97:33] Which is fine. Which is the right thing to do.

Speaker 11:
[97:35] OK.

Speaker 2:
[97:37] The right thing to do. Letter Buck with the young kid.

Speaker 11:
[97:40] What did Gus do wrong?

Speaker 2:
[97:45] He pooped in his hand.

Speaker 11:
[97:48] Oh, yeah.

Speaker 2:
[97:48] No, I'm kidding. That was Shaquille O'Neal. I have no idea. No, it's just coach's decision. What do you mean?

Speaker 11:
[97:54] I'm just I'm just asking.

Speaker 2:
[97:56] Oh, no, no. And I was only answering with a joke because I have no idea.

Speaker 11:
[98:01] I was just I'm kind of surprised.

Speaker 2:
[98:03] Here's what I read.

Speaker 11:
[98:03] Wouldn't give Gus the shot at home. I don't know.

Speaker 5:
[98:07] Well, but but I get it.

Speaker 2:
[98:09] I think it's I think it's only normal to stick with one goaltender unless something horrible happened. Here's what I read, Randy Shaver. I heard there might have been some anxiety in the locker room. A couple of practices before the series started. I read that there might have been some anxiety amongst the players in the locker room. Wow. Some anxiety amongst maybe Bill Guerin and head coach Gene Snitsky over starting Gus, because of the way Gus ended the season. Gus ended the season a little shaky. Okay. So that was what I read was behind the original decision to start Volstead. And now that he's played two games and played pretty well, why change things up?

Speaker 11:
[98:58] I got you. All right.

Speaker 2:
[98:59] Yeah.

Speaker 11:
[99:00] All right.

Speaker 2:
[99:01] I completely forgot that we were supposed to give all the love and respect that they deserve to Luther Key of Bloomington for bringing us this Minnesota Wild Update. Roop, Roopy, Rope, whatever the hell his name is, Hintz, one of Dallas' best players who has missed the series thus far, this far. How do you say that, Josh?

Speaker 3:
[99:27] Thus far.

Speaker 2:
[99:28] Thus far. From what I understand, he did not travel from Texas to Minnesota, so that kid is still not able to play. You got to turn the screws tonight.

Speaker 11:
[99:40] Yes, sir. And no problem finding it. The game is on like six different channels tonight. It's on TNT, TruTV, HBO Max, FanDuel Network, SSN, Victory Sports, I mean, it's everywhere.

Speaker 4:
[99:57] Victory Sports. It's everywhere.

Speaker 14:
[100:00] HBO.

Speaker 11:
[100:02] There are no excuse that you can't find it. It's like they're making up for lost ground.

Speaker 2:
[100:12] Now, of course, the rink there in St. Paul is now what? I always forget.

Speaker 8:
[100:18] Grand Casino Arena.

Speaker 2:
[100:21] Grand Casino Arena. It used to, of course, be the...

Speaker 11:
[100:24] It'll always be the X.

Speaker 2:
[100:28] Right. I'm having trouble coming around to the new name. And right, like, I mean, I don't know. I don't think we should compare it to Willem Marina or Mariucci. But right. Once you hang a name on it, right. It'll be tough for some people. This is really interesting. I was reading the other day about a dude. Where the hell does he live? Someplace terrible. I think. Where is it, Josh? Where does he live? Is it Lino? Oh, God.

Speaker 3:
[100:55] Was it Lino?

Speaker 2:
[100:56] Yeah, he lives over by Lino. But that's not the point. It's not his fault. Maybe he got stuck with the rent or something. Anyway, he the big fat X that used to hang on the XL Energy Center, the rink there in St. Paul, he owns the damn thing. It's in his yard. It's the size of a I don't know how tall is it? It's a big friggin you guys saw it on the rink all those years.

Speaker 4:
[101:21] Nine feet tall, 11 feet wide.

Speaker 2:
[101:22] Jesus criminy. He's got it in his yard. He bought it for $21,000 at a charity auction. Wow. What's this guy's name? Ronnie, Donnie, Jonathan. And now he's rigged it up to where when he's watching a Pigs game and they score a goal, lights pop, fog machines blast, there's even some pyro, the whole neighborhood comes over.

Speaker 11:
[101:49] Boy, I bet they love the late night games.

Speaker 3:
[101:51] Oh, it's really cool. It's awesome. It's better than I even pictured.

Speaker 4:
[101:56] It looks like a WWE entrance.

Speaker 3:
[101:58] It does. It looks like he does this for a living.

Speaker 14:
[102:01] The horn goes off.

Speaker 2:
[102:03] Does the horn go off?

Speaker 3:
[102:04] Yeah.

Speaker 2:
[102:04] Oh, I didn't know he had a horn too.

Speaker 4:
[102:06] Yeah, and the whistles go woo as well.

Speaker 14:
[102:07] Yeah.

Speaker 5:
[102:08] The whistles go woo woo?

Speaker 4:
[102:11] That's early in the morning.

Speaker 2:
[102:12] I think you're right about that. I think the whistles do go woo woo. I didn't know he had the horn going.

Speaker 3:
[102:19] Yeah, this is on our website.

Speaker 2:
[102:21] Yeah. This is it.

Speaker 11:
[102:23] There goes the fog.

Speaker 14:
[102:26] Otherwise, it's not a score if you don't do it.

Speaker 2:
[102:34] Oh, God, and what's he got going? A song in the background, too? What do they play at Pigs Games now when they score?

Speaker 4:
[102:41] Well, Prince for a while long this time.

Speaker 2:
[102:43] Oh, let's go crazy, yeah. 100 pounds, the guy says. It's the most awkward thing in the world to carry. But again, he bought it for 21 grand at a charity auction. Now he's got it in his yard. His name is Jonathan. He lives out there in terrible Lionel Lakes. That must be something to see if you live in his neighborhood. Maybe there's a few old timers that aren't crazy about this. But I would think that was kind of fun.

Speaker 14:
[103:07] If you're not a hockey fan, you don't really understand what's going on. Here's a train coming.

Speaker 3:
[103:13] Well, like Dana said, it looks like something out of a pro wrestling introduction or a concert. It's really cool. He did an awesome job.

Speaker 2:
[103:21] Dude says, it's just something fun I can do to help distract myself from being so damn nervous about all these hockey games. And he does think it's very important that the pigs get rid of these Dallas stars as quickly as possible.

Speaker 3:
[103:39] I bet he never thought he'd use it so much in that first game.

Speaker 2:
[103:43] Your freaking Halloween decorations look like crap now, Josh, compared to this guy.

Speaker 3:
[103:48] Yeah. I can't even call them decorations next to this.

Speaker 2:
[103:51] That is something. Tampa Bay won last night. That's the lightning. Boston Bruins beat Buffalo. Utah won a game. Colorado won. Avalanche fans.

Speaker 11:
[104:07] They've only won, I think, twice 2 to 1.

Speaker 2:
[104:10] Yeah.

Speaker 11:
[104:11] And this was overtime last night, too.

Speaker 2:
[104:13] They're winning close hockey games.

Speaker 11:
[104:16] L.A.'s given them all they can handle.

Speaker 2:
[104:19] Last night, Avalanche fans caused a section of Plexiglass to shatter behind the LA. Kings bench. What a dork-ass thing to do, but that's hilarious.

Speaker 11:
[104:31] I think the game was tied 0-0 when it happened, too. It's not like it happened after a goal or something crazy.

Speaker 2:
[104:39] I think what happened was the stinking Colorado goaltender stopped a penalty shot.

Speaker 11:
[104:45] Oh, gotcha.

Speaker 2:
[104:47] And so there's some grown folks behind the Kings bench just railing on the glass, rocking it back and forth, and it finally gave way. And I mean, it shattered and spilled all over the damn place. Kings players were shaking Plexiglass out of their sweaters. Do we have this up on our website?

Speaker 11:
[105:10] Yes, it was all over the coach, too. It's just the whole thing just fell on it.

Speaker 2:
[105:14] Right down the back of his pants, some of it got in his ass crack. Wow. I don't know, you tell me. I got a theory here, or I got a stance to take, or whatever you might call it. You know how once you turn 12, you shouldn't be able to bring a glove into the stands at a baseball game?

Speaker 3:
[105:29] You don't like that.

Speaker 11:
[105:31] Or wear a jersey when you're older than 18.

Speaker 14:
[105:35] Uh-oh.

Speaker 4:
[105:36] Do you have one on today? No, no. I've stopped wearing jerseys to work. I've learned my lesson.

Speaker 14:
[105:41] Wow. Okay.

Speaker 7:
[105:43] Until football season starts, Randy.

Speaker 4:
[105:45] That's a good point.

Speaker 14:
[105:46] One thing I never done is wear a jersey that had a different name on it. If it wasn't my name on it, it didn't go on my back.

Speaker 2:
[105:52] You've never worn... There's no player that you would...

Speaker 14:
[105:55] I've never worn a jersey with another player's name on the back.

Speaker 2:
[105:58] Well, you don't wear your own jersey around town, I hope.

Speaker 14:
[106:01] Sometimes I did. I'm feeling pretty good about myself at one point. They're all hanging in my garage now.

Speaker 2:
[106:07] Who would be the player, if you ever were to pull a jersey over the top of your head, who would be the guy that you would show that respect to or whatever you want to call it?

Speaker 14:
[106:14] Doug Williams.

Speaker 2:
[106:15] Doug Williams?

Speaker 14:
[106:16] Absolutely.

Speaker 2:
[106:17] That's an awesome answer.

Speaker 14:
[106:18] Yeah. He's down from my hood, man.

Speaker 2:
[106:21] I was just going to ask. He's from your neighborhood. Doug Williams. That's the coolest thing I've heard all day because I love the story of Doug Williams.

Speaker 14:
[106:30] Doug Williams is a good person, he's a good man, he was a great quarterback.

Speaker 2:
[106:35] And he was a giant dude.

Speaker 14:
[106:37] He was a big guy, man.

Speaker 2:
[106:40] For his era, there weren't a lot of quarterbacks his size.

Speaker 14:
[106:43] No, the only unfortunate thing was he had to go to Tampa Bay. Yeah. Other than that.

Speaker 2:
[106:50] Wow. So again, some folks say once you hit puberty, you shouldn't bring a baseball mitt to a baseball game. Randy Shaver says, if you're over 18, don't be wearing a jersey. I also say once you're a legal adult, you're not allowed to bang on the glass at an NHL game more than once. You can give it one hard slap. But if you're an adult, you got to stop after one. Grown glass slappers have always.

Speaker 14:
[107:22] You should say grown glass slappers.

Speaker 5:
[107:25] They've kind of annoyed.

Speaker 2:
[107:26] I find that to be kind of annoying to be a grown person and you're dig, dig, dig, dig, dig.

Speaker 5:
[107:31] You know what I mean?

Speaker 14:
[107:32] I never get it.

Speaker 2:
[107:32] I'm almost part of the game.

Speaker 7:
[107:36] So that's just for somebody, a glass slapper.

Speaker 2:
[107:38] That's that's a thing for me. I'm not saying it's right or wrong. I'm just saying it's a thing for me.

Speaker 14:
[107:43] Sir, you paid to be here. Sit down.

Speaker 2:
[107:51] The San Jose Sharks, they missed the playoffs this season, didn't they? Barely, though. Yeah, they showed some promise. OK, yeah, they got one serious pimp on the roster, a 19 year old kid by the name of Macklin Celebrini. He actually this season broke their franchise record for points in a season. He broke a record that Joe Thornton had held for quite a few years in only his second year in the NHL. He broke the franchise record for points in the season. Now it's the off season, of course. He's 19, he headed back to his former school. I think he went to a BU, Boston University. He went back there to rake in college gals. He went to a party with his bros and now he's getting his balls busted by boring dildos and others for being caught on video doing a keg stand at a beer party. So, the straight lace narcs are pissed because he's a kid drinking beer underage. Other far more relaxed people were just disappointed that a 19-year-old kid would be so bad at doing a proper keg stand.

Speaker 3:
[109:06] Especially an athlete.

Speaker 6:
[109:07] Yeah, a terrible keg stand. I'm sure this dude could easily just do a regular hand stand. Why can't you do a keg stand?

Speaker 3:
[109:15] Maybe he had a couple before that was taken.

Speaker 2:
[109:17] Maybe he has equilibrium issues or something.

Speaker 6:
[109:20] You did mention him having a couple before that. Yeah, it looks like he definitely has been drinking all day.

Speaker 2:
[109:27] I'm saying he's been drinking since the final horn of the final regular season.

Speaker 6:
[109:32] Yeah, this is up on 93x.com if you want to look at it.

Speaker 2:
[109:36] For a 19-year-old, yes, I would expect a better keg stand out of a 19-year-old.

Speaker 6:
[109:40] Yeah, but people that are mad that he's drinking under, what do you think happens at college? That's like one of the whole points.

Speaker 3:
[109:47] You can drink at 19 in Canada, the article said. Oh, right.

Speaker 2:
[109:50] That's a great point.

Speaker 6:
[109:51] I drove to Canada to do that when I was 19.

Speaker 4:
[109:55] Oh, actually, I had friends when I was 19 that did that same thing for spring break, and they said, well, yeah, because we can drink up there. And I'm looking around in our living room with the hundreds of empty beer bottles and Sailor Jerry's empty 1.75s. I'm like, what do we do like five nights a week down here?

Speaker 6:
[110:11] I don't know. There's something different about going to sit at a bar at like 5 p.m. and have dinner and be able to have some beer. I can see that. Yeah, that was cool. And I didn't have anything else going on.

Speaker 2:
[110:25] Might as well.

Speaker 4:
[110:26] It's like Chris Farley in Wayne's World 2. He's like, I got no place else to go.

Speaker 6:
[110:30] Yeah, exactly, Dana. Exactly.

Speaker 2:
[110:32] This Celebrini kid, Josh made the point, he is a Canadian, right? He was born in Canada.

Speaker 3:
[110:39] Yeah, he's Canadian.

Speaker 2:
[110:39] So he's illegal to drink. Yeah, a lot of people texted in, not texted in, jumped on social media and said he had lackluster keg stand skills. I was never very good at it either.

Speaker 4:
[110:51] I never tried.

Speaker 2:
[110:52] I couldn't hold myself upside down like that. I would get sick. I'd feel sick.

Speaker 6:
[110:56] I'd always get it in my nose.

Speaker 2:
[110:59] I had a couple buddies, you could hold them upside down for 25 minutes if you wanted to.

Speaker 6:
[111:02] Geez, that was impressive.

Speaker 14:
[111:04] That was legendary in St. Cloud.

Speaker 2:
[111:06] Were you a good keg? Were you pretty good at it?

Speaker 14:
[111:07] Oh, I never did it.

Speaker 2:
[111:09] I've seen it done.

Speaker 14:
[111:10] They were legendary.

Speaker 2:
[111:11] I forgot you weren't a drinker. Yeah, some of those fellers could hang upside down for... Hey, the twins are playing on the road in New York against the Mets, and the boys came up with a nice comeback win. That scared me to death.

Speaker 4:
[111:28] Me too.

Speaker 2:
[111:31] It was clear that the Mets fans at the ballpark weren't exactly thrilled by what they saw.

Speaker 7:
[111:36] Well, do you think they lost 12 in a row now?

Speaker 2:
[111:39] Yeah.

Speaker 11:
[111:40] Devin Williams, what a terrible signing by the Mets. He's just been horrible.

Speaker 5:
[111:45] Horrible. He got booed pretty...

Speaker 11:
[111:50] Oh, he's been so bad.

Speaker 2:
[111:52] I'm going to go with thoroughly is the word. He was thoroughly booed by the Mets crowd. They were very vocal last night, the small amount of people that were at the ballgame. They were upset. It was a thrilling win for the twins, though. They broke up their own four-game losing streak. The final final was 5-3. Buxton hit a dung. Luke Kieschel had a couple of clutch hits, a real nice effort. But the Mets now, this is their longest losing streak since they dropped 12 in a row, which is where they're at now. Longest losing streak since they dumped 12 in a row in the year of 2002. And just for the record, no team has made the playoffs after a season in which they lost 12 in a row. The Mets were looking pretty good. This McLean kid that you told me about, Randy.

Speaker 11:
[112:40] Yeah, he's really good.

Speaker 2:
[112:41] He shut down the first 15 twins batters. Francisco Lindor hit a three run home run for the Mets. But then the twins made a comeback and the bullpen was solid for the twins.

Speaker 11:
[112:51] Yep.

Speaker 2:
[112:53] Tonight, Connor Prelip will make his Major League debut for the 20-twin twins, Clay Holmes for the Metropolitans.

Speaker 11:
[113:03] Here's another good young pitcher for New York.

Speaker 5:
[113:06] Royce Lewis is back.

Speaker 2:
[113:08] But for how long, I would imagine, people are asking.

Speaker 6:
[113:10] Yeah.

Speaker 14:
[113:11] A couple of games.

Speaker 2:
[113:15] Relief pitcher Cody Funderburke has been dumped onto the paternity list. Breeder.

Speaker 4:
[113:25] Yeah, we get it. He got laid. Good for you.

Speaker 3:
[113:27] Ashley used to make fun of breeders. Not so much anymore.

Speaker 2:
[113:31] That's just what we need.

Speaker 7:
[113:33] I think his wife is actually going through some health issues too in the process of them having their baby. So I think it's a little bit more serious than that.

Speaker 6:
[113:42] Oh, that sucks.

Speaker 2:
[113:44] Here's a guy who hates himself.

Speaker 4:
[113:49] Yeah, who made that joke about congratulating him for getting laid? Was that you, Josh?

Speaker 5:
[113:53] I'll take the hit.

Speaker 2:
[113:56] I think you'll like this. Rivalries are one of the biggest reasons we love sports so damn much. And we're caught up in a couple of big ones right now. Timberwolves with their smart mouths.

Speaker 5:
[114:06] I wish they would just shut up and play.

Speaker 2:
[114:12] Taking on their arch-rival Denver, the ultra innocent, they never say a word, Denver Nuggets, right? And you got the stars and the pigs. Rivalries. It's right. We love sports so much. Josh wanted me to mention these rivalries that we got going on right now. Carolina, Ottawa, Las Vegas, Utah. Yes. One of the deepest rivalries in college basketball just experienced something awfully rare. A kid called Matt Abel no longer plays basketball for the North Carolina State Wolf Pack. He has transferred to the University of North Carolina Tar Heels.

Speaker 1:
[114:56] Oh, wow.

Speaker 14:
[114:57] Big move.

Speaker 2:
[114:58] This Abel kid is the first North Carolina State player to transfer to North Carolina regular since World War II.

Speaker 9:
[115:08] Oh, wow. Geez.

Speaker 14:
[115:12] Think he looked that up before he did it?

Speaker 2:
[115:15] I don't know.

Speaker 4:
[115:15] I think he looked at probably the NIL money he was getting and didn't care.

Speaker 14:
[115:20] I want to make a move.

Speaker 2:
[115:23] World War II. True, I said.

Speaker 14:
[115:26] Wow.

Speaker 2:
[115:29] And finally, before we go, maybe you think you're having a bad day. No, it can't be this bad. Jose Antonio Morante Camacho. You might know him better as the king of all bullfighters.

Speaker 6:
[115:51] Oh, yeah, duh. Yeah, I love this guy.

Speaker 2:
[115:54] He has reportedly suffered a very serious injury after a bull gored him.

Speaker 6:
[116:01] Oh, no.

Speaker 2:
[116:01] And the bull's horn pegged him right in the can.

Speaker 6:
[116:05] Ah, that's so painful. I can barely even watch that.

Speaker 14:
[116:09] It's only a matter of time. I mean, the bull will win.

Speaker 2:
[116:13] See, Willie Miles, they're calling this a perforated rectum.

Speaker 4:
[116:17] Oh, that's not something you want perforated.

Speaker 11:
[116:21] And I can tell you, that one hurt.

Speaker 2:
[116:24] The king of all bullfighters is down.

Speaker 14:
[116:29] Right.

Speaker 2:
[116:30] And let me tell you something.

Speaker 5:
[116:31] The still photograph of the incident.

Speaker 2:
[116:35] It was all the way up there, wasn't it?

Speaker 5:
[116:36] Wasn't there?

Speaker 2:
[116:37] Josh, there was a photographer on site, and he was clicking away, and he got a picture of the exact moment that this poor bastard was pegged by a bull horn. It is terrifying.

Speaker 3:
[116:50] It is.

Speaker 5:
[116:52] You're right.

Speaker 3:
[116:52] The photo is perfect in every wrong way. Just the position of the gentleman's body as this is happening.

Speaker 14:
[116:59] He knew.

Speaker 11:
[117:00] Oh, God.

Speaker 2:
[117:02] I'll tell you what, Randy Shaver had killed my future bullfighting plans.

Speaker 6:
[117:08] All those plans you had.

Speaker 14:
[117:10] You mess with the bull, you got to get the horn to the rectum.

Speaker 2:
[117:15] They're calling Jose's injuries very serious. Yes. He was competing with the fourth bull of the afternoon. He was on his fourth bull of the the bull.

Speaker 11:
[117:27] Nothing happens after nothing good happens. After the third bull.

Speaker 14:
[117:31] Yeah, if you got to know when to walk away, you got to walk away. You got to know what to do.

Speaker 11:
[117:36] That's right. You got to know where to do that.

Speaker 2:
[117:39] Jose was battling a bull named Clan Destino, which is the Spanish word for worst anal ever.

Speaker 14:
[117:50] Oh, man.

Speaker 2:
[117:51] The bull charged at him and knocked him down.

Speaker 14:
[117:54] My God.

Speaker 2:
[117:56] The bull knocked him down. And as Jose tried to get to his feet and get the hell out of the way of the bull, one of its horns hammered his tender little star.

Speaker 11:
[118:07] Oh, my God.

Speaker 2:
[118:08] New guy was in the corner puking his guts out.

Speaker 4:
[118:10] Don't blame him.

Speaker 2:
[118:11] Next thing you know, grossed out doctors had to up and perform a two hour surgery to put his broken anus back together. That's what happened to Jose and the king of all bullfighters.

Speaker 14:
[118:23] My only association with a bull, I'll tell you a quick story, I was out in Vegas doing an event for the PBR and the guy asked me if I wanted to meet Earthquake. I swear I thought he was talking about the comedian Earthquake. It was a bull named Earthquake. I went down, and this is a true story, he was in a pen on the back of a truck and the thing walked up and looked at me, I didn't sleep for two days. This was the biggest, this bull looked like it worked out.

Speaker 3:
[118:56] You know, some of them do look like that.

Speaker 7:
[118:59] They didn't let you get on it, did they?

Speaker 14:
[119:01] God no, he said, you can touch them. I was like, no, I can't. Oh my God, that was the scariest bull and I went to the rodeo the next day and I didn't see very much. I got a belt buckle on it.

Speaker 2:
[119:15] Cool, so you didn't want to sit on the bull and take a picture?

Speaker 14:
[119:18] Not one, it never occurred to me to take a picture with him in the pen. I didn't want to turn my back to him. I backed away like I was looking at a rattlesnake.

Speaker 2:
[119:27] I'm friggin hearing you, C Willie Miles. Hey, before we go, does anyone mind if we go back to the topic of keg stands? You grab on to that friggin barrel of beer, your buddies pick up your feet and your ankles, they put your upside down, they put the thing in your yap and you...

Speaker 14:
[119:46] Yep.

Speaker 2:
[119:48] CPAP Jesus texted in, he went to Mankato State.

Speaker 4:
[119:53] They could get it done down there.

Speaker 2:
[119:56] Big drinkers at Mankato State.

Speaker 1:
[119:58] Well, they're all 33 years old. Right, they had a lot of experience. He said, I once did a...

Speaker 14:
[120:04] None of them are underage anymore, even the freshmen.

Speaker 2:
[120:07] No, not at all.

Speaker 1:
[120:08] He said, I once did a naked keg stain with a piece of cheese in my butt. Whoa! Buddy.

Speaker 3:
[120:14] Why? Bet nobody asked you to do that.

Speaker 2:
[120:19] You're a volunteer.

Speaker 3:
[120:20] Yeah, 100%.

Speaker 14:
[120:22] You came to the party with cheese in your butt.

Speaker 2:
[120:24] Hey, fellas, watch this. I got a great idea, fellas.

Speaker 6:
[120:31] Let's take them pre-gaming to a new level.

Speaker 1:
[120:33] Ashley, you want to ask them why? You go right ahead. I don't want to know why. I don't want to.

Speaker 6:
[120:40] Can I tell you something? So you remember you were in St. Claude, there's a house there called the Castle.

Speaker 1:
[120:45] Sure.

Speaker 6:
[120:46] They had a basement, they had a wheel. You would get on it, and there was a big spin wheel with a keg on it.

Speaker 3:
[120:52] I thought you said wheel at first. I was like, that is very scary.

Speaker 1:
[120:56] You get on a wheel.

Speaker 6:
[120:57] Yeah, and you put the, and they spin you around.

Speaker 1:
[121:00] Oh, no.

Speaker 6:
[121:01] Oh, yeah. And there was a tilted wheel, too. So we would do this, that, and they spin you around, and you just kept kegging.

Speaker 3:
[121:08] Oh, Lord. That sounds terrible.

Speaker 1:
[121:10] So they enjoyed cleaning up vomit?

Speaker 6:
[121:13] Apparently.

Speaker 1:
[121:13] Because there's no way I'm going to be able to.

Speaker 6:
[121:16] I can't believe that house is still there.

Speaker 1:
[121:18] Jesus, that house has seen some things.

Speaker 6:
[121:21] It's seen some things.

Speaker 1:
[121:22] You want me to binge drink, I'll binge drink, but no one's going to be spinning me in a circle while I do it.

Speaker 6:
[121:27] No, no, thank you. They tried everything.

Speaker 1:
[121:29] Randy Shaver and Brad Ryder enjoying it. Draft day. It's draft day today.

Speaker 14:
[121:34] Nick, what time is your party tomorrow night?

Speaker 6:
[121:36] It's draft day.

Speaker 3:
[121:38] Stop yelling at us.

Speaker 1:
[121:38] Stop yelling draft day.

Speaker 14:
[121:40] Draft day, draft day. It's a great movie.

Speaker 1:
[121:42] But it's not draft day tomorrow.

Speaker 2:
[121:44] Yeah, the NFL draft day.

Speaker 14:
[121:46] It's draft eve.

Speaker 1:
[121:47] I was saving it all for tomorrow.

Speaker 14:
[121:50] He's got his full seven round mock draft ready to go.

Speaker 1:
[121:54] We can talk all about it tomorrow.

Speaker 14:
[121:55] You're sorry.

Speaker 1:
[121:56] You frightened me by shouting draft day. I thought maybe I was wrong and it was tonight. It's tomorrow. Keep it in your frigging pants over there. Will, this is going to be NFL draft headquarters. No question about it.

Speaker 6:
[122:07] Draft day, draft day.

Speaker 1:
[122:09] Why do you keep saying that when it's not draft day? Quick shooter. Premature. Yeah. Awful premature. Premature draft day. What was that comedian who said, I saw a comedian who said, every once in a while I'll watch an ad on television about men who suffer from premature ejaculation. He said, I don't know if suffering is the right word. Those aren't tears. See you later. See you. All right.

Speaker 2:
[122:47] Yeah.

Speaker 1:
[122:47] Tomorrow we'll talk about the end of it. More with C Willie Miles when we come back in a few minutes.

Speaker 2:
[122:52] Half-Assed Morning Show 93X.

Speaker 1:
[122:56] I got you. I'm following so far. C friggin Willie Miles has upped and joined us today on the program.

Speaker 6:
[123:04] Smooth up in her.

Speaker 1:
[123:06] That's what you are. Thanks for listening, everybody. You know we appreciate the hell out of that. C Willie and all y'all. There's a new vibe going around. Can I let you in on it, C Willie Miles?

Speaker 6:
[123:18] I'm all for a new vibe, babe.

Speaker 1:
[123:20] We ought to get on board with this or we will be cast out of town. Isn't that how they used to do it? They'd put a sign on your chest that said, Jag off and they'd cast you out. They'd walk you to the city limits.

Speaker 2:
[123:33] Just communicate you. You're done.

Speaker 1:
[123:34] That's right.

Speaker 6:
[123:35] Like Michael Jackson. Beat it.

Speaker 1:
[123:37] We ought to get on board with this. There's an anti-modern technology movement.

Speaker 14:
[123:46] People had enough?

Speaker 1:
[123:48] That's what it sounds like to me, Dana. People have had enough with all the, I got my phone in one hand, I got my iPad in the other, I got my earbuds going, I got my laptop. From this, that. There's an anti-modern technology movement going, Josh, and it's time to pick sides.

Speaker 2:
[124:07] Well, I gotta tell ya, I've had to scold my family a couple times. We're gonna watch a family show, and everybody but me has their phone in their hand.

Speaker 3:
[124:17] Oh, I hate that.

Speaker 2:
[124:18] Can we just watch the, it's a half-hour show, which means a 22-minute show. Can we just watch this together? You guys have to be in your phones the whole time?

Speaker 1:
[124:29] Were you, did you have lined up for the family that evening?

Speaker 2:
[124:32] It was a fun family comedy.

Speaker 1:
[124:34] Tell me about it.

Speaker 2:
[124:35] We watched Scrubs and then we watched Animal Control.

Speaker 6:
[124:39] Right.

Speaker 14:
[124:40] That's a wholesome night of programming.

Speaker 6:
[124:42] Yeah, I don't need a phone to watch Scrubs. That's a good show.

Speaker 2:
[124:45] You can't handle 44 minutes of comedy?

Speaker 3:
[124:51] Even when I'm alone, I'll be like, all right, pay attention. You've been waiting for this to come out all week, put your phone away.

Speaker 1:
[124:58] So you're not constantly playing with your cell phone over there, Ashley, when this or that happens?

Speaker 3:
[125:03] I try not to.

Speaker 2:
[125:04] The only time we'll do it is we'll pause it and go, where do we know that guy from?

Speaker 3:
[125:08] Yeah, that's always fun.

Speaker 1:
[125:09] Next stop, Wikipedia.

Speaker 2:
[125:11] Yeah, or IMDB or something.

Speaker 6:
[125:13] All right.

Speaker 1:
[125:14] So here's what's going on. And it's only a matter of time. Things go one way and then they go the other. And then things come and go. You know what I'm trying to say.

Speaker 2:
[125:25] Right.

Speaker 1:
[125:27] People are ditching their smart phones and going back to flip phones. They don't care to scroll through websites and they just want to answer a telephone call, maybe send a text or two. But that's it.

Speaker 2:
[125:45] Personally, I love technology. I haven't really embraced AI stuff yet.

Speaker 1:
[125:49] You do love technology. That's why I was going to ask you what side are you on? You got to pick a side.

Speaker 2:
[125:53] Very much so, but I wish you could... I mean, if you don't get back to a text nowadays or an email immediately, people are upset with you. So if I could check my phone less, I would love that.

Speaker 1:
[126:04] Well, you can still check your text messages and your missed calls or whatever the term is with your flip phone. You don't need the smartphone anymore.

Speaker 2:
[126:14] Just any technology, I mean. If you could just kind of walk away from the constant communication and stuff like that.

Speaker 1:
[126:21] Wouldn't that be friggin nice?

Speaker 6:
[126:22] It used to be that way.

Speaker 3:
[126:23] A couple summers ago, I had my iPhone broke and I was, I don't, it was expensive and I just didn't feel like going to the store, so I used like this old backup phone that has always been in my family in case anybody ever breaks their phone. And all it could do was, you know, bless you.

Speaker 6:
[126:40] Bless you.

Speaker 3:
[126:41] The regular things that a phone does, so like just call and text. And that was an awesome like three months, I think it was, but it really sucked at work here because I'd be like, yeah, sorry guys, I don't see any e-mails. Like you cannot contact me via e-mail right now.

Speaker 6:
[126:57] I have a Nokia.

Speaker 14:
[127:00] Yeah, I read this article too, but then I was at T-Mobile last week and I saw they had the flip phone. So I asked the guy about them. I go, a lot of people buying these these days, people sick of their smartphones, they're going back to flip phones. He goes, yeah, a lot of people buy them. About 90 percent of them return them because they realize they can't live without it.

Speaker 2:
[127:15] Is that right? Yeah. People are bringing up the irony of all of us read this article probably on our phones. Certainly on the internet. Yeah.

Speaker 14:
[127:24] Yeah, I didn't see this one in the Star Tribune.

Speaker 2:
[127:27] No. Yeah, you didn't pick this up at the water cooler.

Speaker 14:
[127:30] No, it wasn't in Time magazine.

Speaker 2:
[127:32] Medical Device Shipping Jesus said, what if I'm watching the show on my phone? Yeah, as far as me getting frustrated with the family being on the phone, that's different. We'll cut you some slack on that.

Speaker 6:
[127:44] No, man, you got to watch it together. Look at the big screen. We have a big TV here.

Speaker 2:
[127:48] I've never done that. I've watched YouTube videos on my phone. I've never streamed a show or anything.

Speaker 3:
[127:52] Oh, I definitely have. Just sitting in my car waiting for something. I'll just throw on a TV show instead of doom screwing.

Speaker 1:
[127:58] All right. Speaking of the family scene, Josh, you were saying you try to be the patriarch of the family and sit everyone down. Let's watch this show together as a family. But everyone starts finger banging their phones right away, except for you. Do you think you could make this work? This is another element to this anti-modern technology movement. Yay. Today is Tech Free Sunday, and no one in the family is allowed to handle their cell phone or anything because it's Tech Free Sunday. You think you could talk them into that?

Speaker 2:
[128:34] I think if my wife has to be available for work constantly.

Speaker 1:
[128:38] But it's Tech Free Sunday.

Speaker 2:
[128:39] Yeah, but she's emails and stuff like, I mean-

Speaker 1:
[128:41] Tech Free Sunday.

Speaker 2:
[128:41] I'm with you on that. If the rest of the world would allow that.

Speaker 1:
[128:44] There's no way she could go one Sunday without blasting away on-

Speaker 2:
[128:48] Constantly getting contacted. A lot of emails. And then like Zoom videos and stuff she has to be a part of.

Speaker 1:
[128:55] So she would be out. Do you think you could talk the young people into it? No way.

Speaker 2:
[129:00] Yeah, I think I could.

Speaker 1:
[129:01] Really?

Speaker 2:
[129:02] Yeah. I mean, he wouldn't like it, but I could get him to do it.

Speaker 1:
[129:06] Oh, and then this friggin article goes into a conversation about vinyl records. We love to do this every five or six years, right? We love to do the vinyl record thing every five or six years.

Speaker 2:
[129:15] Oh, I just read an article today talking about how there's even a bigger surge than what was already going on.

Speaker 1:
[129:20] Oh, stop it.

Speaker 2:
[129:21] I even have thought about it because a couple of listeners were kind enough, like Medical Device Jesus, to get me some records, and I thought, well, now that I got a couple, maybe I'll pick up a couple more. I haven't done it yet. You done it, Cop Jesus said, I need my smartphone for the smut alone. My God, of course. I didn't consider that. Some people would miss the smut, and I wonder, Dana, what percentage of the folks that returned those flip phones realized, oh, my porn's gone.

Speaker 14:
[129:46] Oh, this thing can't access Pornhub? All right, no, I'm out.

Speaker 1:
[129:50] I love it when you use the word smut.

Speaker 2:
[129:52] It is smut is what it is. Filth.

Speaker 1:
[129:57] There's further conversation in here about film cameras. The old school clickety-click, and then you take it off to the photo mart.

Speaker 6:
[130:08] Right.

Speaker 1:
[130:09] Some guy masturbates to pictures of your wife.

Speaker 2:
[130:11] That happens.

Speaker 1:
[130:12] Then he says, here you go, that'll be 33, whatever. I don't know how much money.

Speaker 6:
[130:16] Wow, my photo's stuck together.

Speaker 2:
[130:19] That 100% happened.

Speaker 14:
[130:20] At our wedding, we obviously had the professional photographer like you typically see at a wedding. But then my buddy just didn't say he was going to do this, but he brought a film camera and just took a bunch of candid shots throughout the evening. Those ended up turning out really cool. I was really happy you did that.

Speaker 2:
[130:33] Was this your most recent one?

Speaker 14:
[130:34] Yes.

Speaker 2:
[130:35] Did I show up in any and how stupid did I look?

Speaker 14:
[130:37] Well, you took your pants off, if you remember that, when you did that. So it was a little embarrassing, but still pretty sexy.

Speaker 2:
[130:43] I was micro dosing.

Speaker 3:
[130:44] So I don't remember my tits.

Speaker 1:
[130:46] Here's a texter comparing the old days to today. Dude says, I miss buttons.

Speaker 2:
[130:54] Yeah. I'm not ready for an electric vehicle, but that's one of the things I wouldn't like about it is, as much as I love technology, it's like a big iPad and that's it. I like having knobs and buttons and stuff like that.

Speaker 1:
[131:07] Dude says, I miss buttons, touch screens and auto-correct are ass.

Speaker 2:
[131:15] I feel you there.

Speaker 1:
[131:15] How techie can you get, C. Willy Miles? Can you work a cellular telephone?

Speaker 6:
[131:21] Yes. Unfortunately, in our industry, you got to be a little tech savvy.

Speaker 1:
[131:26] Yeah.

Speaker 6:
[131:26] You're marketing and you're working with a lot of tech savvy people, and you got to send a lot of JPEGs and different things, photos, and you got to be able to pull off a video and attach it.

Speaker 1:
[131:41] You might have to send a club a video of your last show in Lino Lakes.

Speaker 6:
[131:47] Right. Or just a promo video, some of them want that. But I got people.

Speaker 2:
[131:52] Willy, you should have seen after the show yesterday, Dana and Nick were going to flip out with our engineer in here talking about DNS servers and all kinds of Wi-Fi.

Speaker 3:
[132:05] I'm so glad I got out of here.

Speaker 2:
[132:07] These guys were ready to kill. I think, Nick, you even said the next time he comes in here, I'm going to kill him.

Speaker 1:
[132:13] I don't like post-show company.

Speaker 6:
[132:16] Right.

Speaker 1:
[132:16] I want the four of us to sit in a room together, do what we got to do because the process for the following day's show begins immediately.

Speaker 6:
[132:25] Right.

Speaker 1:
[132:25] So I want to get done with everything we got to do for the next show so we can get out of here at a reasonable hour. So I don't like post-show company. And yesterday, here comes this guy. And he and Josh are doing their techie talk. Techie talk. So as soon as the guy left, I told Josh, I said the next time that guy comes in this building or in this studio, Dana and I are going to jump him and we're going to beat his ass.

Speaker 14:
[132:52] I'm just intimidated by how smart he is. The words he was saying, it was like I was hearing a foreign language yesterday. He's just so smart. He's brilliant.

Speaker 2:
[132:59] Yeah, he's incredibly intelligent.

Speaker 1:
[133:02] All right, the Anti-Modern Technology Movement is underway. Just duck under a bus or something if you don't want to get caught up in this because it's happening right now. What are people doing? They're deleting their apps and things like that. There's a craving for the 80s and 90s lifestyle, where if you weren't home, you were unavailable. People are missing the mystery of not being reachable 24-7. Josh, I think you already sort of made this point, but I'm going to go ahead anyway. It was a beautiful thing when you could just disappear. This is the point you made. It's so bizarre to me now that if you are not immediately available, it's offensive to some people, where when I was a 25-year-old guy, there were times when my closest friends and I didn't talk for five or six days, and that's fine. That's fine. The phone would ring, and you just would not answer it because you didn't friggin feel like it.

Speaker 2:
[134:19] It's kind of weird. Like, sometimes if you're in the shower or something and you realize you missed a text, within 10 minutes, you might get another one, like, hello, that kind of stuff. Why haven't you responded to me? Well, I don't always have my phone on me, most of the time, but not always.

Speaker 6:
[134:34] Right.

Speaker 1:
[134:35] See, Willy Miles knows what the hell we're talking about. Now, if you want to make it clear in your neighborhood that you are all in on the anti-modern technology movement, here's what they say. Here's how you put out the flag. If you go to a coffee shop or a bar or a restaurant or a park, you're sitting outdoor, you don't expose your cellular telephone. You keep it in your pocket, because how common is, as you guys all know, it's so common now, you sit down at the bar, put the phone in front of you. You sit down for a day, you put the phone, you go to the park, the phone's on the picnic table. So if you want to make it known that you are anti-modern, you keep that pig in your pocket or you don't bring it with you at all.

Speaker 6:
[135:21] Right.

Speaker 14:
[135:22] I've intentionally gotten better about leaving my phone in my pocket when my wife and I are doing something, say, going out to a restaurant or happy hour or something.

Speaker 2:
[135:29] Oh, because she saw some text you did for me.

Speaker 14:
[135:31] Yeah, exactly. All the news that were coming through. She actually noticed, she complimented me. She goes, I've noticed that and I'm very thankful. That's very thoughtful of you to make a better effort.

Speaker 2:
[135:41] If I take it out, I get uncomfortable. I don't like having it in my pocket. That's no reason to take, not because I really want to take a look at it, but.

Speaker 1:
[135:48] You got enough in those pockets, I'll tell you right now. Josh.

Speaker 2:
[135:52] Yes.

Speaker 1:
[135:53] Being present is the new cool.

Speaker 2:
[135:58] Yeah, that's what I think. Let's let's have a shared experience.

Speaker 6:
[136:02] Absolutely.

Speaker 2:
[136:04] We see each other like barely at all during the week. Let's just enjoy something for once together.

Speaker 6:
[136:09] Right.

Speaker 1:
[136:10] Oh, my damn. Well, then again, you still got young people in the house. Once they're gone, oh, I bet you're scrolling on that cell phone.

Speaker 2:
[136:21] I do wonder if we're just going to be not talking at all.

Speaker 1:
[136:25] Yep.

Speaker 2:
[136:26] Maybe she'll text me as I'm sitting right next door.

Speaker 6:
[136:30] My wife and I will have moments, not even moments, hours where we'll just sit out back without our phones and have those decompression, we call them decompression days. You know, this is a while back when I was touring Heavy, and we used to do that. She was working, you know, she worked for corporate America, and she has problems, issues like I have, problems, issues when I'm traveling and doing shows and something doesn't go right, and we sit and discuss it, and then after a while, that's about an hour, hour and a half, then we just go back to our regular scheduled program.

Speaker 1:
[137:05] Isn't that kind of how it goes? Jaw jack for a little while?

Speaker 6:
[137:09] Absolutely.

Speaker 1:
[137:09] How you feeling? How you doing? Anything happened today? Then you go to the two rooms that are furthest apart in the house.

Speaker 6:
[137:18] Absolutely.

Speaker 1:
[137:19] If my wife's in this corner, I go to the far opposite corner. That's how we end the night.

Speaker 6:
[137:26] There was a statement that was made once, and I don't know who said it, but my wife and I looked at each other and said, that is us. It's like you know you with the right person, when you can sit on the couch next to each other and not say a word for an hour and a half and get up and think that was the best conversation ever.

Speaker 2:
[137:43] Yeah. If you're comfortable with the silence, that's a good sign. I don't think that's a bad sign.

Speaker 6:
[137:47] No, that's a very good sign.

Speaker 1:
[137:51] The Half-Assed Morning Show 93X. Yeah, we're on our way out. You're a great crowd. We appreciate every damn thing. We'll be back tomorrow morning at 540. We were talking about the unstoppable anti-modern technology movement. It's underway. Hang on to something. There are hordes of people who are putting away the cellular telephone. They're killing all the apps. They're buying an old flip phone or throwing the whole works together. How do I say that? Throwing the whole works all together into the garbage. They're not answering your emails anymore. They're going back to 1978. There's an anti-modern technology movement. Josh, I did receive a text from one listener who says, I am so anti-modern technology, I'm listening to your show right now in Morse code.

Speaker 2:
[138:43] Do I sound as dumb in Morse code?

Speaker 1:
[138:45] You sound terrific in Morse code. Well, actually, this brings up a new term now that maybe you need to be familiar with. If you are the type of person who pays more attention to their cell phone than the company around you, say you're at someone's house or you're at a bar, doesn't matter, if you're the type that isn't all the way present, you're constantly fingering your phone while you're in a social situation, you are, this is the new word, you are a fubber.

Speaker 2:
[139:17] I told my wife she was fubbing one of our friends the other day.

Speaker 3:
[139:21] So you're a fubber.

Speaker 1:
[139:22] You want to call your wife out for being a fubber?

Speaker 2:
[139:25] Yeah, she fubbed this person's brains out and I had to call her out on it. Like, hey, you know what, you're totally buried in your phone. She's got a big thing going on at work right now, so it's been keeping her busy. I'm like, hey, we're out with these folks. Maybe you should put the phone down.

Speaker 1:
[139:38] What was so important on your wife's cellular telephone?

Speaker 2:
[139:40] It was work related, so it wasn't like she was on TikTok or something.

Speaker 1:
[139:44] Do you and your wife ever listen to that old wasp song? It was called Animal Fub Like a Beast.

Speaker 2:
[139:50] Oh yeah, she loves that one.

Speaker 1:
[139:51] Anyone else want to call someone out for being a fubber?

Speaker 14:
[139:54] Hmm, I guess I could call my cell phone. I'm at times a fubber.

Speaker 3:
[139:58] My husband is.

Speaker 1:
[139:59] Oh my God.

Speaker 3:
[140:00] Pisses me off.

Speaker 1:
[140:01] You know any fubbers, see, Willie Miles. You sit down.

Speaker 6:
[140:03] I'm just watching the clock, making sure my wife is not in the car. Yeah, she's a fubber.

Speaker 3:
[140:08] Is she?

Speaker 6:
[140:09] Oh yeah.

Speaker 1:
[140:09] Your wife is a fubber.

Speaker 6:
[140:11] Yeah, sometimes when we're eating dinner, I'll put our plates out because I'm the chef at the house. So I put our food on the table. If I put it on the table, you can't bring your phone.

Speaker 1:
[140:21] Okay.

Speaker 6:
[140:22] That's the only way I can get it. Because if I just bring a plate to her on the couch, depending on what I cook, some stuff we can eat on the couch, some stuff we got to sit down.

Speaker 1:
[140:31] You have children, right?

Speaker 6:
[140:32] No.

Speaker 1:
[140:33] So she's a mother fubber.

Speaker 6:
[140:34] Right. Children. I have grown adults.

Speaker 1:
[140:37] Josh, where did that one go? That was a pun.

Speaker 2:
[140:40] I liked it. Yeah, I liked the mother fubber.

Speaker 6:
[140:42] Sorry.

Speaker 2:
[140:42] I was looking at everybody else's reaction. That was good.

Speaker 3:
[140:46] Yeah. My husband's has always worked, though, so I can't get too mad about it, I guess.

Speaker 6:
[140:51] Hers is too, but I'm like, didn't you knock off at five?

Speaker 3:
[140:54] Yeah, exactly. I do say the same thing.

Speaker 6:
[140:56] At some point, you can't be responding to people after five to get used to it.

Speaker 3:
[140:59] Thank you. I'll say, that's what I tell him. I'm like, don't you guys have a cutoff time when you can put in orders? He's like, yeah. I'm like, do you ever tell him that? He's like, no. But he's in sales, so he always says, I want to keep him happy.

Speaker 1:
[141:14] I'm glad you said that, C. William Miles, because we have to stop using that as an excuse. If we want to be part of the anti-technology movement, you make that decision on your own. But if you want to be part of the movement, we have to stop saying that. We say that all the time, don't we? Well, yeah, I did send a text or I did send an email, but it was for work. Well, if it's seven, eight, nine o'clock at night, you should have put a lid on that.

Speaker 2:
[141:35] But people lose their fubbing minds if you don't get back to them, even if it's outside of normal work.

Speaker 1:
[141:40] Let them lose their fubbing minds.

Speaker 6:
[141:42] You got to set the tone right at the beginning.

Speaker 1:
[141:43] What the fub do you care? You've been working at this company for 30 fubbing years already. Fub that guy.

Speaker 6:
[141:51] Fub all of them.

Speaker 2:
[141:53] Fub you, fub you, and fub you. You're cool, fub you.

Speaker 1:
[141:58] Yeah, you know, so what if you don't get, we got to, let's try to make a point. So what if the other person on the other end of the line gets pissed off?

Speaker 2:
[142:04] Well, what if it's you? What if it's, you know.

Speaker 1:
[142:07] You're not going to offend me at all, Josh. If I send you a text at eight o'clock and you don't get back to me.

Speaker 2:
[142:12] Can I tell you how fubbing nervous I was with all that fub stuff we said?

Speaker 3:
[142:16] Yeah, I was nervous too.

Speaker 2:
[142:17] I was thinking, don't say the other word, don't say the other word.

Speaker 14:
[142:20] I had my hand ready to go on the dumb button.

Speaker 2:
[142:21] Did you really?

Speaker 6:
[142:22] Yeah.

Speaker 1:
[142:24] I never had a frigging doubt.

Speaker 6:
[142:25] No.

Speaker 1:
[142:26] Never had a frigging doubt. Fubbing.

Speaker 3:
[142:28] F-U-B-E-R?

Speaker 1:
[142:30] No.

Speaker 3:
[142:30] Fubber?

Speaker 1:
[142:31] P-H.

Speaker 3:
[142:32] Oh, fancy.

Speaker 14:
[142:34] No.

Speaker 1:
[142:34] You start with a P-H, you end with an uber.

Speaker 14:
[142:36] Well, well, well.

Speaker 1:
[142:38] Maybe it's, I don't know.

Speaker 2:
[142:41] Because it's for phone, you know, right, P-H?

Speaker 3:
[142:45] Wow.

Speaker 1:
[142:46] You could have given me all day on that one.

Speaker 3:
[142:49] Glad we have you.

Speaker 14:
[142:50] That's why it maybe had like French origins or something like that.

Speaker 2:
[142:52] So, yeah, like Price Fister?

Speaker 14:
[142:54] Yeah.

Speaker 2:
[142:55] I remember those commercials.

Speaker 1:
[142:56] When you're out and you're with people and you're still playing with your phone, you are a fubber and you got to change that.

Speaker 6:
[143:06] Right.

Speaker 1:
[143:08] Yeah.

Speaker 2:
[143:08] I think that if we could all, let's just mutually agree. You do your best, but if somebody doesn't get back to you, it's not because they're mad at you. They're not trying to fub you over, nothing like that.

Speaker 1:
[143:19] No, not at all. All right. That is that. Thank you, C.

Speaker 6:
[143:25] Thank you very much. I'd like to let everybody know that I'll be back at Krooner's on Mother's Day.

Speaker 1:
[143:30] Oh, yeah.

Speaker 6:
[143:31] I have a Mother's Day show. It's almost sold out though, but here's the good news. I'm back there on Wednesday in the main room doing my show for the big huge festival that's coming to Krooner's. Comedy Festival, five days, 40 comedians from all around the country. Man, that's awesome.

Speaker 1:
[143:49] Outstanding.

Speaker 6:
[143:49] In Canada.

Speaker 1:
[143:50] Keep us all posted on this.

Speaker 6:
[143:51] Absolutely.

Speaker 2:
[143:52] Please do.

Speaker 1:
[143:53] All right. Thank you very much.

Speaker 6:
[143:54] Absolutely.

Speaker 2:
[143:55] Before we go, happy birthday to Fix It Mitch from his least favorite co-worker. Hope it's a fubbing good one.