transcript

Speaker 1:
[00:30] If you like it, go follow the show.

Speaker 2:
[00:33] New episodes are being released every week.

Speaker 1:
[00:36] The link is in the description.

Speaker 3:
[00:39] You talk about performance without a purpose.

Speaker 4:
[00:42] What's that?

Speaker 5:
[00:43] Let's say you have no races. Let's say you have no classes, no nothing. There's no purpose in your life. You know, people need to have purpose to get up. They need purpose to perform. You need to get to a point in your life where there's nothing on the docket. There is no 5K. There's no, I'm going to get into school to be this or that and still perform to the highest level. If you're not constantly performing without purpose, you're not going to be ready when the time comes. It's this magical thing, purpose, that we're all looking for. But what's funny about it all is that we need these things to perform. But we don't take a second to realize the purpose is always there. The purpose never leaves us. Because the very purpose is you. You are always the purpose.

Speaker 6:
[01:33] When I'm putting that work in and doing the reps, like that's when I'm actually my most in flow and enjoying myself the most. And so it's actually a lie that I've been telling myself that like, once the presentation goes well, I'll feel good because in some ways now, I feel like when the presentation happens, I'll be disappointed because I won't get to do this anymore. I'll have to find something else to pick as a target so that I can get back into my rocky cut scene. And so I think that that has taken some time and I've gotten better at it. I really do think I've gotten a lot better at it. At least recognizing because the more times I've had Ws and then realized that right afterwards I felt nothing, I had to think back of like, what are the things that I enjoyed most in my life? And it's always in pursuit. And I'm like, well then, why don't I set something really big, really far so I can be in pursuit for the longest period of time possible? And that's where I think a lot of people from the outside, they cast their expectations of life onto me and say, I wouldn't live my life that way. You're always working, you're always doing these things. But it's like, I'm actually always spending my time in pursuit because in pursuit is my button for enjoyment.

Speaker 4:
[02:42] There's this awesome quote by I think Jim Carrey, and it goes, I wish for the world to realize all of their dreams so they can realize they don't make them complete. And he's talking about that most people's dreams are very external, like champions, like they want to win a medal, they want a trophy, they want a nice car and all this stuff, then you get it. And when you have everything, you realize, this isn't what I wanted. I don't feel complete right now. And I have the amazing opportunity in my life to have accomplished so many of my dreams and realize that there's still a void missing there. The more money I get, the more titles I get, the more I get, it's not filling me up more. But then I discovered that over time, it's the effort, it's the journey, it's like suffering through time that I don't want to be at the gym or why I want to quit on my diet. And I push myself and every single moment, every day leading up to the show, and I win all those moments, that's winning, that's like winning in life continuously every day. And through that journey, being able to build my relationships, not sacrifice them for winning, be able to make myself a better person, not a more stressed out, anxious person, all that stuff coming together, I've already won before I have a trophy in my hands. When I stand on stage, I haven't quit on the workout, I haven't quit on a cardio session, my girlfriend still loved me in the background, she didn't hate me for neglecting her for the last three months of prep. I'm like, I won. You know, like I feel fucking good right now. And if I lose, am I gonna leave and be really sad and like cry and like grieve that loss? Absolutely. But I'm still gonna be proud of everything I put in. And at the end of the day, that's all I can control. And to me, that's winning.

Speaker 1:
[04:04] I was very lucky that I joined the military because when I joined the military, I had a structure, a pathway to execute on. And that's very, very beneficial for a young, idiot kid that's filled with energy and rebellion and aggression. That's awesome. Here, take all that energy and aggression and rebellion and focus in this direction. It's going to be beneficial. And you'll actually get rewarded for it. You'll get promoted for it. That's amazing. And kids didn't really have any kind of a code where, hey, these are some general rules that you will benefit from in life. For me, it's real easy because I know that a lot of my friends that are not here, and that's all I need to know. And I mean, I think about that every day. So there's no, for me personally, there's no lack of urgency when I wake up in the morning to think, oh, don't worry, I got all the time in the world because I know I don't. And I'm lucky to be here and I'm going to try and live in a way that will at least do justice for my friends that aren't here.

Speaker 6:
[05:20] One of the things for people who are not where they want to be is that they have pain, like oodles of pain. And I remember when I was starting out, I was looking for passion. I was looking for purpose. I was like, I just want to find something that I'm motivated by. But it's the cat and the cheese. It's like we're looking for cheese, but we have all these cat behind us and all we have is look and remember that they're behind us and chasing us. And so if you have the cat and you're staying in your current situation, you're being used by the cat. Right? You're being used by the business owner who it doesn't treat you well and you're in this job that you don't really want to be in. Right? Or you're being used by the situation or the context of the relationship that you're in with the girl that you're not that into, right? Versus saying like, this is terrible. And because of this terribleness, I now have something that I can run away from. And then like, rather than not looking at the knife or trying to take painkillers to not feel the pain, it's like completely sobering up, taking the knife and twisting it in your own heart and being like, I'm going to fucking do something about this. And I think that that's, that's what the hero's like. If we're heroes in our own story, it's not avoiding pain. It's choosing from the very beginning, the alchemy, which is like, you have these terrible situations, it's like, and you have the opportunity to turn them into magic and skip or shortcut all the growth you're going to have in a really short period of time, simply by twisting the knife and being like, I'm going to do something about it.

Speaker 4:
[06:47] People who sit in their jobs and they feel like there's no value, it's not contributing to themselves or the world or really, it's just there for a paycheck. That, and it feels like tough, like uncomfortable, though there's just, you know, you're just miserable with it. But at least your friend, if he's chasing after something that's like a dream of his or a passion that he's chasing towards and his progress is uncomfortable, at least at the end of that line, it's what he wants. You know, that leads to obvious, like a lot of people ask me, how do you say so, like you mentioned discipline when you're at the point you want to eat and you're on a diet. Like, well, I love what I do. At the baseline, I'm passionate about what I'm doing and I love what the goal will be. I love the part of it. I love the impact it has on others, help people in my life and myself. So at the end, that's just, there's a reason, there's a purpose behind it rather than just mindlessly circling the hamster wheel.

Speaker 3:
[07:31] I've realized that it's scary when you find a thing that you're going to fully commit yourself to the pursuit of, especially if it's excellence that you're going after, because there's no more room for your inadequacies to hide anymore. You can't decide to change direction and do something else if things get tough. There's no more rejectacy, right? I've committed to this. This is my thing. And this is one of your rules.

Speaker 7:
[07:53] Yeah, commit to at least one thing.

Speaker 3:
[07:54] As hard as you can and see what happens. Yeah, precisely.

Speaker 7:
[07:57] Aim yourself in one direction. And I had to rule with my clients because, you know, you might say, well, I've gone halfway down this path and I found out it's wrong. Well, how do you distinguish that from just giving up? Well, that's a really hard question, right? It's a moral hazard because it's inappropriate to continue in a direction you now realize to be wrong. It's also inappropriate to give up and use that rationalization as an excuse. And how do you distinguish it?

Speaker 3:
[08:24] Especially since we're not transparent to ourselves.

Speaker 7:
[08:26] Well, right. Exactly. So that is genuinely a moral hazard. So one of the principles that I tried to abide by in my therapeutic discussions was, you can change course as long as the next thing you do is equally or more difficult. Because that's a check against just giving up. So you want to discipline yourself so you can get yourself organized so that you can go in a particular direction so that when you find the right direction, you can really go in that direction. And that does require an apprenticeship of sorts. And it might not matter in some sense exactly what the apprenticeship is as long as it is rigorous.

Speaker 3:
[09:02] People presume in the beginning that passion and purpose and meaning and joy and fulfillment are the things that get people going. But as I've said, of all of the high performers that I've spoken to, the vast, vast, vast majority of them are driven by insufficiency and resentment and terrible parents or terrible upbringings or a chip on their shoulder about bullies in school. Pick your poison. They have decided to use that to create the activation energy.

Speaker 8:
[09:30] What's the missing piece in your life? What's the thing that brought you joy as a kid that you've pushed aside? What is the most uncomfortable conversation with yourself that you've been running away from your entire life? Do you have the courage to engage with that? Are you willing to do a little bit more work? Can you pull back another layer on who you are? Are you man enough to do that? We all have stuff we don't want to deal with, stuff we compartmentalize or we think, well, I just put that one away and I'm not going to worry about that. I'm good. True growth, true expansion, and ultimately your highest expression and the manifestation of your greatest potential is inextricably connected to and linked to that willingness and courage to do that stuff that you don't want to do.

Speaker 3:
[10:28] I think one of the themes of your worldview that I've become familiar with is alchemizing bad times into good ones. A reminder that things that seem bad can end up being good. In retrospect, I think it's obvious and almost romantic to think about that alchemy in that way. But in the moment, it's basically impossible. How can people, or how do you have more of that perspective during a hard time?

Speaker 8:
[10:57] My undeniable optimism and faith that this isn't all it is.

Speaker 7:
[11:04] And if it is, so what?

Speaker 9:
[11:07] That's okay. Well, then really, so what?

Speaker 8:
[11:10] You know what I mean? What's the big deal? I seem to have tendency not to make a bigger deal out of things that other people make a bigger deal.

Speaker 2:
[11:18] And one of the core beliefs I developed over the years was just that I think everything happens for a reason. I think there's a higher purpose. I think it's my job to find it. I think that life happens for us, not to us, but it's our job to figure it out. So that's where that belief comes from. That's like, life has been happening for me. I don't know if you can relate to this in my bed as you could. It's like, have you ever had something happen in your life that was horrible? I mean, it was painful. You'd never want to go through it again in a million years. You wouldn't want anybody else to go through it that you care about. But after five or 10 years, you look back and you say, I never want to go through it again, but now I see the wisdom in it. I'm glad I did. It's like, it made me care so much more. It made me so much stronger. It made something in me more.

Speaker 3:
[12:02] Things are not what they are. Things are what we think they are. For instance, doing a hard workout gives you a signature feeling. You're laid on the floor, panting, heart rate at 180, sweating from everywhere with the taste of metal in your mouth. This is, oddly, enjoyable. But if this exact same sensation was to spontaneously occur in your car while you were sat in traffic, you'd call the ambulance for fear that you're having a heart attack. Framing is everything.

Speaker 1:
[12:25] The worst days of my life were in war, losing my friends and war is horrible. And the way I responded to it, and I asked him if he had ever known anyone that had cancer and had come out the other side. And he said yes. And I said, oftentimes those people say, I wouldn't wish it on anybody, but I'm glad it happened to me because it gave me such a better perspective about life and about value and about the fragility of life and all those things. And that's the way I feel about combat. I don't wish it on anybody, but I wouldn't give it up. I wouldn't trade it for anything. And so I think what you're talking about is a great way of looking at your past to say, oh, okay, I had some hardships and I benefited from those. It's basically the same thing as saying got bullied. Good. Now I know how to handle myself a little bit better. I didn't have a bunch of friends. Good. Now I feel more comfortable when I'm alone. I think it's the same sort of attitude in both those situations.

Speaker 3:
[13:26] I realized that reliably the quality of my work was better if I suffered. Therefore, if I suffered, I usually got better outcomes.

Speaker 8:
[13:37] And you feel good about yourself because you suffered. You worked for it, you earned it.

Speaker 3:
[13:41] So the lead indicator of what would be a lagging measure, the lead indicator was suffering, the lagging measure would be success. Then this is the thing that I did. I short-cutted the success part and went straight to the suffering part. And if success came without suffering, I felt like it wasn't worthy. I felt like I hadn't worked hard enough to get it. Nothing is going to be worthwhile that doesn't come with an associated amount of discomfort. Therefore, when you start to feel friends around you and the people that you used to be able to speak a common language with, start to push back and start to make the quips of, oh, not drinking tonight, yeah? Oh, you must be too cool for us now. I know it hurts. I know it hurts. That is the lead indicator, not even the lagging indicator. That is the lead indicator that you're doing the right thing. If you know that there is something that you're meant to do, if you know that there's something that you're meant to change, you will have to let certain groups, friends, routines, places, activities, recreations that you do, you're going to have to let those go. And there is this, you know, the rocky cut scene lasts for 90 seconds in the movie, but it can last for five years in your life. And you have no idea whether or not it's even going to work. And that's the bit that always got to me. The bit that always got to me was I didn't even know if it was, there was going to be any glory on the other side. It's like ordering an Uber and never knowing if it's going to arrive or not. You think, well, I'm just stood here doing the thing, but I don't know if it's going to come out on the other side. And I can promise you, anybody that has done anything, moved from any place they were to any place that they want to be, has gone through this lonely chapter. The pushback you are getting is the indicator that you are doing the right thing. It is. And if you can reframe the distaste that you get from other people as the same as that.

Speaker 6:
[15:40] Because they're projecting the things that they know they should be doing, that you are doing, that they're not doing, and you remind them of that.

Speaker 9:
[15:48] If everything is easy in life, if everyone loves what you're going to do, and you have no enemies, you have no opposition, nothing to resist, you're just going to be mush. You're not going to amount to anything. You're not going to be able to push yourself. You're not going to be able to change, evolve. Muhammad Ali said, If I didn't have Joe Frazier around, I would not have become the great boxer that I am. I mean, he would have been a great boxer anyway, but a nemesis like Joe Frazier put me on a much higher level.

Speaker 5:
[16:21] Because I know every motherfucker ain't going to do what I'm going to do. So this is how you level up. That's how you level up. I know there's a whole bunch of people with that right there. That fires me up. That makes me fucking happy, what you just said. That brings joy to my life right there.

Speaker 3:
[16:40] Why?

Speaker 5:
[16:40] Because I know there's so many people that have the ability and just refuse to get off that couch, refuse to study a few more hours, refuse to go deeper, to go further. And that's where I gain the advantage. It's so easy to be great nowadays, my friend, because most people are weak. Most people don't want to go to that extra mile. Most people don't want to find that extra because it sucks. It's miserable. It's lonely. You talk about that you were kind of lonely by yourself. I was the same way, and that used to hurt me growing up. Now I fucking thrive in that shit. That's the only place to be.

Speaker 6:
[17:22] The outcomes become so irrelevant compared to the reward that you get in the meantime, because the people who are experts, and this is from my good friend, Dr. Kashi, people who are experts at any skill become experts because they learn how to become rewarded from the work itself. They don't actually have something that you don't. It's just that they measure success differently. And so whatever the next mountain that you're trying to climb is, of course it's going to be higher, but it's going to require you to go through the smaller mountains to get to that point. Because the more able you are, the more able you realize you can become, and you will get way bigger outcomes from the things that you have, like the path that led you here, than you think you can. And so that's why since that moment where I lost everything, and then I was able to make more in the next 12 months, I realized that no work is wasted, because I am the output of the work, not the outcome.