transcript

Speaker 1:
[00:00] Your mother is doing stand up, and I've just added Brea, California, June 5th and 6th. Get your tickets at christinap.com.

Speaker 2:
[00:22] Welcome to another episode of Your Moms House. We're going to talk about some hard-hitting real stuff this week. Get ready. There's a crisis happening in the world, and we're the place to figure out how to resolve it.

Speaker 1:
[00:33] That's right, Tim.

Speaker 2:
[00:34] That's right. There's a lot of serious issues that we're going to get into on this show. A couple of things to just let you know. The End, Ari Shafir's storytelling show is out. It's at ymhstudios.com right now. We produced it. It's an epic, I believe, is it six, seven parts? How many parts is it? Seven episodes, crazy line up. Shane Gillis, Nate Bargazzi, Tony Hinchcliffe, Miss Pat, Krista Stefano, Ali Siddique, Jordan Jensen and so on and so on. I'm in one of the episodes. It's a lot of fun and we put a lot into it and it came out amazing. Please check it out if you have not. It's at ymhstudios.com. Also, Jean over here is on the road.

Speaker 1:
[01:22] I'm road dogging. I just did Mothership this weekend and thank you to everybody who came out. The shows were extraordinary and it was so much fun and I'm going to keep it going.

Speaker 2:
[01:32] My first tour doing an hour in a while.

Speaker 1:
[01:36] That's a pretty exciting thing. I know and it's so good. I haven't done Stand Up in like two years because of that whole-

Speaker 2:
[01:41] Invisalign, I remember. But now you're talking about-

Speaker 1:
[01:46] Talking about Invisalign and how hard it was for you to go through that. April 24th and 25th, Irving, Texas at the Punchline. And then Comedy Works, yes it does.

Speaker 2:
[01:57] Comedy and Prayer, May 14th and 16th in Denver.

Speaker 1:
[02:01] September 18th and 19th at the Dent Theater in Chicago, Illinois. Also-

Speaker 2:
[02:06] Illinois, not Illinois.

Speaker 1:
[02:07] It's Illinois, plural. Also, buy your mother some lip shits for Mother's Day. It's coming upon us. Order it now, right now in time for the holidays. Get all of it as a bundle. Get the liquid lipstick, get the perfect red, all at christinap.com.

Speaker 2:
[02:24] Exciting stuff.

Speaker 1:
[02:25] Can I tell you what I've been doing?

Speaker 2:
[02:26] Yeah.

Speaker 1:
[02:27] When I'm getting ready for YMH, I go live on the TikToks. So if you want to find me on, I'm the Christina P, right? I don't know what the fuck I am on TikTok. You can watch me put my makeup on and I listen to really cool tunes. I talk to you and I tell you stuff.

Speaker 2:
[02:43] It's just Christina P.

Speaker 1:
[02:44] Oh, it's Christina P. It's the Christina P on Instagrams.

Speaker 2:
[02:48] Right. My favorite thing is that we share an agent who is a musical savant. Yes. The guy, he can play piano. He can just hear something and play it. He has this crazy, almost encyclopedic knowledge of music and history and stories. Anytime your preferences come up, he's like, I don't know what's going on there, man.

Speaker 3:
[03:12] He hates it.

Speaker 1:
[03:15] He hates my music. He hates Bauhaus. What is this?

Speaker 2:
[03:18] It's so funny.

Speaker 1:
[03:19] He hates goth music. Well, I should tell you the most fun I had this weekend was at Comedy Mothership. Which as we all know is, is owned by the great Joe Rogan.

Speaker 2:
[03:27] Yeah.

Speaker 1:
[03:28] And it's usually the energy is very Joe Rogan, kettlebells.

Speaker 2:
[03:33] Yeah. Male driven.

Speaker 1:
[03:35] Male driven. God bless him. Love him. Well, this guy took over last weekend.

Speaker 2:
[03:40] Yeah, you did.

Speaker 1:
[03:41] And I don't think Joe would have liked what I did because I played the gayest, gothiest music.

Speaker 2:
[03:48] You played your music. Yeah. Not the yours.

Speaker 1:
[03:52] Yeah.

Speaker 2:
[03:53] Things that I've been hearing through a shut closet door for years now. I'm like, what is this? Who's dead in there?

Speaker 1:
[04:00] Yeah.

Speaker 2:
[04:00] And yeah, that was your load in music.

Speaker 1:
[04:02] It was so much fun. And yeah. And then we were talking about feelings in the green room, which I don't think has ever happened.

Speaker 2:
[04:10] Probably not as much. How are you feeling?

Speaker 1:
[04:13] Dudes were crying in the green room. We're just talking about life.

Speaker 2:
[04:16] Yeah.

Speaker 1:
[04:16] Listening to the Smiths.

Speaker 2:
[04:18] Look at you. Look at you.

Speaker 1:
[04:20] You're a baby gorilla.

Speaker 2:
[04:21] You're a goth lady.

Speaker 1:
[04:22] I'm a gothic. Can I tell you something? Dice hung out with me at the club a few months ago and he goes, I like what you're wearing. I like that skirt. You got to keep wearing. What is that? What is that? Tool? I'm like, yeah.

Speaker 2:
[04:37] He's the man.

Speaker 1:
[04:38] I figure if Dice tells you it's a good outfit.

Speaker 2:
[04:40] No, it's cool.

Speaker 1:
[04:41] And he's an iconic outfit guy.

Speaker 2:
[04:43] The most iconic, yeah.

Speaker 1:
[04:44] I had so much fun. The crowds are great. I made a trans friend in the front row. That's cool.

Speaker 2:
[04:49] That's unique.

Speaker 1:
[04:51] We're going to have coffee and she's going to tell me about how she became from a man to a lady.

Speaker 2:
[04:55] That's interesting.

Speaker 1:
[04:56] I know. I'm so curious because she's like a hot one. She's not like a...

Speaker 2:
[05:00] Not the one where you're like, you need a consultant.

Speaker 1:
[05:02] Yeah, not like last week.

Speaker 2:
[05:04] That's one of the things on the talk sometimes where you just see a guy in just heels and a dress and he's just like, I feel strong. I feel good today. And you're like, whew, Jesus Christ. Oh my God. And then people are like, you look beautiful.

Speaker 1:
[05:22] Thank you. Yeah, it's like a dude, like you in heels and a tight pencil skirt. There's that guy in the UK.

Speaker 2:
[05:28] I'm just shaking my head at the fact I don't know how somebody who has not worn heels can wear heels.

Speaker 1:
[05:35] It's so hard.

Speaker 2:
[05:36] I don't understand.

Speaker 1:
[05:37] I can barely. And I'm 50 and I still can't walk in them. It's so hard.

Speaker 2:
[05:42] Yeah, it's crazy.

Speaker 1:
[05:43] Can you try?

Speaker 2:
[05:45] I've stood in them before. It really was awful.

Speaker 1:
[05:48] Really?

Speaker 2:
[05:48] Yeah, I mean like, you know, that kind of thing where you go, let me try this on and you're like, holy shit. How does anyone take two steps in this? I don't get it. Yeah.

Speaker 1:
[05:55] Did you know that in like the 1700s, 1800s in France, the men wore heels?

Speaker 2:
[06:01] Yeah. But that was like a, not like the heels that a woman wears today. Those were like thicker, right? Like wider.

Speaker 1:
[06:08] The kitten heels. They're a kitten heel.

Speaker 2:
[06:09] Not these stiletto things.

Speaker 1:
[06:11] Not the horror stripper heels. No.

Speaker 2:
[06:13] A podiatrist in LA told me, he was like, oh yeah, like a huge part of my business are women who refuse to stop wearing these and just keep damaging their nerves and their feet are just completely destroyed.

Speaker 1:
[06:26] But they do look so good.

Speaker 2:
[06:27] They look good. Of course. And they elongate the leg and everything.

Speaker 1:
[06:32] Now, my mother wore heels everywhere.

Speaker 2:
[06:34] Everywhere.

Speaker 1:
[06:35] It's because she was only five foot five, maybe, and she felt short. So a lot of times short broads wear the heels.

Speaker 2:
[06:42] All kinds of broads wear heels. So it's not just short broads. Short broads, wide broads, tall broads. They just want to feel like a broad because I guess it doesn't make you feel like a lady.

Speaker 1:
[06:51] You feel like a broad. And my mother would wear those heels to grocery store, to everywhere. And she never, never not heels and lipstick, red lipsticks like me.

Speaker 2:
[07:01] That's a real commitment.

Speaker 1:
[07:02] I know, I should get into it. But you know what happened? I got that planter's fat shititis in my right foot. Heel's not good for that.

Speaker 2:
[07:10] Nope. I don't think your doc would say, put some heels on, it'll go right over.

Speaker 1:
[07:14] No, it's terrible.

Speaker 2:
[07:16] You gotta wear like ortho shoes.

Speaker 1:
[07:18] That's why it looks terrible. Now I wear the ugliest fucking shoes.

Speaker 2:
[07:21] They do look awful. They do, but it's like, what are you gonna prioritize? Looking a certain way or like healing yourself?

Speaker 1:
[07:28] Pain, yeah. Planter's fat, shititis.

Speaker 2:
[07:30] Yep, yep. All right, you ready to start the show? I got a cool clip.

Speaker 4:
[07:36] Stop teasing me with those eyes. I eat pussy like I'm starved. I pull her slap ass and I will fuck you like I own you.

Speaker 1:
[07:45] What's going on today?

Speaker 4:
[07:46] Don't make me show you why good girls bite pillows and can't walk straight. Who is Randy? Don't bring anyone loving to him.

Speaker 2:
[07:56] He's oily too.

Speaker 5:
[07:58] But he's oiled up. And the smile doesn't match the message.

Speaker 6:
[08:10] Welcome to Your Moms House.

Speaker 2:
[08:18] Don't you hate it? Can you go to his page to remind people that he also does uplifting messages? Because that's really how he built his following was this.

Speaker 4:
[08:54] One day you'll look back and realize, I wasn't the one who got away. I was the one who tried, the one who stayed, the one who cared when you didn't. And that's the part that hurts the most. You didn't lose me. You lost a version of me you will never get again.

Speaker 1:
[09:12] Okay.

Speaker 2:
[09:13] That's sweet. That's a sweet message. But he also does like if you go to his page, he also just does things about like scroll down, scroll, scroll some more. I like when he's like well dressed.

Speaker 1:
[09:25] He's so, look, his legs are oily too.

Speaker 3:
[09:27] The whole body is oily.

Speaker 2:
[09:28] Like God, before God elevates there, you scroll up. Like, you know.

Speaker 4:
[09:32] Before God elevates you, he will do three things in your life. One, he will reveal those around you, showing you who is truly for you and who is not.

Speaker 1:
[09:44] He's reading it.

Speaker 2:
[09:45] He reads all of them. He always reads them.

Speaker 1:
[09:47] Even the horny ones?

Speaker 2:
[09:48] I think some of them he reads. But the point is that like, that is how people were like, oh, this is a nice, this is a nice message, you know? And then he's like watching that. You're watching that and you're like this, I go to this guy's page. And he's like, here's some words of wisdom. And then just one day you're scrolling and it's like.

Speaker 4:
[10:06] I had a tremor, breath moaning between every sound she couldn't hold back. I was reading close and whispered.

Speaker 2:
[10:13] He's reading like erotic passages there.

Speaker 1:
[10:15] Yeah, yeah. I don't like his shit nailed to his walls.

Speaker 2:
[10:18] But it's also.

Speaker 1:
[10:18] Look at those nipple tinctures and stuff.

Speaker 2:
[10:20] It's also such.

Speaker 7:
[10:21] Stupid, I hate it.

Speaker 2:
[10:23] A crazy pivot. I know. To be like, God will provide the things that you need in this life. And then he's like, I will beat the pussy up. And make you bite the pillow.

Speaker 1:
[10:33] All right, now I'll tell you that story.

Speaker 4:
[10:34] Uh, I got a phone call one day.

Speaker 8:
[10:39] I wanted to make this thing.

Speaker 2:
[10:41] It's a way for other comics to show themselves. Oh, that's right.

Speaker 1:
[10:44] You're not hosting your own show.

Speaker 2:
[10:46] They did them dirty.

Speaker 4:
[10:46] I already figured out a way to put it up somewhere else.

Speaker 2:
[10:48] You thought about bringing it back. All the time.

Speaker 5:
[10:51] I need your and Tom's help.

Speaker 6:
[10:53] You guys ready for this? Okay. It's a crazy night we're going to have here.

Speaker 9:
[10:59] Shit's about to go down.

Speaker 5:
[11:01] We're here to talk ball.

Speaker 6:
[11:02] Storytelling show.

Speaker 5:
[11:03] Telling true, true stories.

Speaker 10:
[11:05] Word to word what happened.

Speaker 4:
[11:06] My favorite.

Speaker 5:
[11:07] We tell them the story.

Speaker 3:
[11:08] My story is a love story.

Speaker 6:
[11:11] It's about my first threesome.

Speaker 4:
[11:13] Bad first date.

Speaker 3:
[11:13] About ball. Football. Got arrested.

Speaker 11:
[11:15] Um, shit in your pants.

Speaker 2:
[11:17] What the?

Speaker 5:
[11:18] What the? What the is going on? That's my story.

Speaker 11:
[11:21] Don't think about it.

Speaker 1:
[11:22] Just laugh.

Speaker 11:
[11:38] Give me all of that.

Speaker 2:
[11:40] That would have been the all time best story to tell on this show.

Speaker 1:
[11:44] Listen up, mommies, because Way Day is happening at Wayfair from April 25th through the 27th. This is not a regular sale. I'm talking up to 80% off with free shipping on everything. From furniture and decor to home improvement and outdoor essentials, it's all on sale, and it ships for free. What I love about Wayfair is how easy it is to filter by style, color and material, which saves me from spending hours sifting through beige farmhouse or cottage core shit. And they even have assembly services, so instead of building furniture on a Saturday, I can do what I love most. Hang with my kids and feed squirrels by hand. That's right. Wayfair makes everything so easy. You can find anything you want, anything at all in your house. I'm talking benches, vases, furniture, all of that stuff. I get that. Wayday is the sale to shop the best deals in home. We're talking up to 80% off with fast and free shipping on everything. You know what I've gotten on Wayfair? I bought, not one, two outdoor wooden benches for my front yard. I sit on them every day, every night. I go out there, my kids jump on a trampoline, and I sit on my Wayfair wooden bench. It is extraordinary. Head to wayfair.com April 25th through 27th to shop Wayday. That's wayfair.com. Wayfair. Every style, every home.

Speaker 4:
[13:14] Shipt knows that no order is ordinary. When you order produce, Shipt sees the meals and memories you'll produce with it. Not just soap in your cart. It's what washes away the day.

Speaker 12:
[13:34] Use code SAVINGS to become a Shipped Member. For half off, only $49 at shipt.com slash offer. Terms apply.

Speaker 1:
[13:44] Is this like the minister that's anti-gay and then in real life, they're gay? Is he trying to offset his horniness by doing that?

Speaker 2:
[13:58] My thing is like every dude's got an angle, right? I think he was building a following with this uplifting messages to inspire your soul like he has written there. Then he was like, yeah, but that's not really what I'm... I really am this guy and I want to see who will interact with me if I put this guy out there. So not only am I going to say wild shit, I'm going to get butt naked and oil myself. The oil is a real choice.

Speaker 1:
[14:25] And the legs are oiled.

Speaker 2:
[14:27] I mean, he's oiled everywhere. And then to be like, at the end, the craziest part, the craziest part is that in this video, he's like...

Speaker 4:
[14:36] Stop teasing me with those eyes.

Speaker 2:
[14:39] I eat pussy until whatever. And you're like, yeah, got it. That's cool. And then I don't see the scrolling part here. But at the very end, he's just like...

Speaker 1:
[14:48] Yeah, I know. The little rascal smile.

Speaker 2:
[14:50] The little...

Speaker 1:
[14:53] What's his name? Alfalfa? Yeah. He's like, I didn't do anything.

Speaker 4:
[14:58] Stop teasing me with those eyes. I eat pussy like I'm starving. I pull her slap ass.

Speaker 2:
[15:05] There's somebody, by the way, who's only seen uplifting messages from him. And this is the first time they're seeing something else and they're like, wait, is this the same account?

Speaker 1:
[15:14] It's so general.

Speaker 4:
[15:14] And I will fuck you like I you.

Speaker 2:
[15:17] What?

Speaker 1:
[15:17] Got it.

Speaker 4:
[15:17] Don't make me show you why good girls bite pillows and can't walk straight.

Speaker 1:
[15:23] The smile. That really seals it.

Speaker 2:
[15:26] The smile's incredible.

Speaker 1:
[15:28] I got to... And I know that there are women that are like, that's my jam. Like what kind of woman is like, that's my jam? Cause to me it's repulsive. I can't even... My vag can't get dry enough when I...

Speaker 2:
[15:40] Hear someone talk like that?

Speaker 1:
[15:41] It's just not for me.

Speaker 2:
[15:43] When you say, are you saying the gentleman in particular, the messaging or what? What's the part?

Speaker 1:
[15:48] I don't like the... I like there to be some pretense of gentlemanliness. And then if I like the gentleman, maybe.

Speaker 2:
[15:55] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1:
[15:56] This is like, I'm going to eat you. It's like dudes, gay dudes talk to each other that way.

Speaker 2:
[16:02] Yes. Well, that's the thing is that some... I don't know. It's like maybe the guy has never had success with the other route. So maybe that's the thing where he's like...

Speaker 1:
[16:15] Oh, he's blatant. Any, any. This guy, that's like, stop teasing me with those eyes. I want to lick your pussy and smash your butthole and spread it open and da-da-da. Who is this working for? What type of gal?

Speaker 10:
[16:29] Uh, nasty bitches. What you mean? I mean, you think he don't get some? There's some bitch that likes this, for sure.

Speaker 2:
[16:38] Yeah, I mean, he's right.

Speaker 10:
[16:39] He's confident. I believe his ass. You know what I'm saying? Oh, yeah. I believe him.

Speaker 1:
[16:44] So just nasty bitch.

Speaker 10:
[16:45] Yeah, just a nasty bitch. He gets those nasty, nasty bitches.

Speaker 2:
[16:50] Yeah, you're right, because what girl's going to be like, what's up? I love that message.

Speaker 1:
[16:56] Maybe I'm not.

Speaker 2:
[16:57] Because I think most, I can't speak for women, but I think most want some version of what you're talking about where they're like, I like this person, therefore, when they talk to me like that, it's a thing. But like for some random to be like, I eat pussy like I'm starving. It's like, I don't think most women would be like, that's exactly what I mean.

Speaker 1:
[17:16] That's what I mean. Because women can get laid anytime. All times are times I can get laid. I don't need to have it advertised like that. Do you know what I mean?

Speaker 2:
[17:27] Yeah, of course.

Speaker 10:
[17:28] You know what I personally think? What actually happened? I bet he was really, you know, he was on the path of God. Right? He was trying to tell you the good word. He was trying to give you the psychological, you know, information or whatever. And then it got to a girl and she liked it. And she just happened to be a really nasty bitch. And she gave him the craziest sloppy top Batman's ever fucking received. And then all the things she told him to do, he's like, oh, so that's what girls like? And then he lost her. And then he's thinking, I'm going to get one like that by just doing this shit again.

Speaker 2:
[18:01] That's possible.

Speaker 10:
[18:01] So it was really that bitch's fault.

Speaker 2:
[18:03] It's totally possible.

Speaker 1:
[18:05] See, and he knows the minds of the creep. He knows exactly. He knows.

Speaker 10:
[18:13] He knows.

Speaker 1:
[18:14] No, it's because you grew up around creeps. It's not that you're the creep. But if you grew up with a creep, you know creep.

Speaker 2:
[18:21] I do think there's something to that. When you go, this is my public persona. It's one thing if you're like this, I'm in private. When you go, this is my public persona. He's trying to find the thing that he once had. I think that makes sense. He once had that. Or it could be that he was super godly and then didn't find the type. She's like, I'm not like that. I'm not nasty. He's like, well, that's what I want. I want a nasty ass bitch. So I'll put out some nasty ass messages. You know? Like, yeah.

Speaker 1:
[18:57] So he is a dichotomy. He's a god fearing man that wants a nasty bitch.

Speaker 2:
[19:01] And he literally goes back and forth between the Lord will provide for you. And then he's like, when the asshole spread open, I will dig in there. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. He's both.

Speaker 1:
[19:13] He's both. He wants.

Speaker 2:
[19:14] We are complex individuals, you know?

Speaker 1:
[19:17] But I get it. Like you do want somebody that's got moral Christian values, but then, you know, yeah, not someone that's a square.

Speaker 2:
[19:25] And maybe that's he goes, I don't do a gray area. You know, he's like, it's very black and white for me. He goes to both. Now, enough of that. Let's just get something a little more sensible going.

Speaker 5:
[19:39] Yeah, another one. I went against what I said I was going to stand by and accepted a new friggin crazy bitch. Oh, yeah. And she wanted to go to it wanted to go to the Play Store and get some other Google chat. I said, we're doing fine right here. And she said, well, are you married? Do you have kids? I said, look, I have a daughter and two sons I've never met. I was in jail when they were born. Oh, yeah. She messaged back about three minutes and responded, Oh, that's nice. I said, you skis. That's why I fucking don't. I don't trust you bitches on the Internet. God damn, man. She was she's going to try and beg, borrow or steal money out of me. And that shit ain't going to fucking fly. I told her, you know, I've been around the block more than once. Hell, I own the damn block. Don't trust anyone on the fricking Internet. My God.

Speaker 2:
[20:34] I got it. Well, there's a thing that he doesn't realize he wasn't talking to a woman based on his story.

Speaker 1:
[20:41] Definitely.

Speaker 2:
[20:41] You know, he was talking to a foreign man or a bot. And that's why the response was, that's nice. It's not an actual woman that he was talking to, but he's not aware of that. That's pretty cool. He was, I was in jail. That's nice. He's like, are you trying to pull one over on me, bitch? Yeah, that's not what actually happened. Anyway, that's the guitar guy.

Speaker 1:
[21:09] No, I remember. But I remember he moved the amp last week.

Speaker 2:
[21:12] That was a big deal. Yeah. He was like, where am I going to put this thing?

Speaker 1:
[21:16] Yes. And then he found a new place for the amp. I was hoping to get an update on that, on the equipment.

Speaker 2:
[21:22] Is it still behind the couch? Did you put it somewhere else?

Speaker 1:
[21:25] What's going on with the house? I'm tired like a bum. Now I'm going to live like a hobo.

Speaker 2:
[21:31] That's kind of funny.

Speaker 1:
[21:32] Yeah, I like that.

Speaker 2:
[21:32] There's that amp. It's on the table. Well, he moved it. It's the saga that never ends. And then on the next post, I believe that's a receipt. Is that a receipt on the next post there?

Speaker 1:
[21:43] Yeah. No, those are the phone numbers of his friends.

Speaker 5:
[21:46] I haven't quite written yet. And old stuff from different bands and different places and different times.

Speaker 2:
[21:53] Nice.

Speaker 5:
[21:54] One of my old singers, Trent.

Speaker 2:
[21:56] That's his number.

Speaker 1:
[21:57] That's his phone number. No area code, though.

Speaker 5:
[22:00] Song list from different bands I've been in.

Speaker 2:
[22:02] That's cool.

Speaker 5:
[22:03] Things I need to revisit. I went and-

Speaker 2:
[22:07] That's cool.

Speaker 1:
[22:09] What is he using as a curtain? Go back one more. The amps. Let's look at-

Speaker 5:
[22:15] I'm wondering-

Speaker 1:
[22:17] What is he using as a curtain? Is that a burlap sack?

Speaker 2:
[22:22] I don't know what that is.

Speaker 1:
[22:24] What could that be?

Speaker 2:
[22:27] There's some of the light is out, right? About a quarter of the light that would enter is out of the room.

Speaker 10:
[22:34] Can you zoom in on that?

Speaker 2:
[22:35] Can you see what that is?

Speaker 1:
[22:36] What in the world is he doing in there?

Speaker 2:
[22:37] Good eye, Christine.

Speaker 11:
[22:38] Thanks.

Speaker 1:
[22:42] Maybe it's a blanket. Oh, it's a blanket with tassels.

Speaker 8:
[22:46] I think it might just be like window insulation type of stuff.

Speaker 11:
[22:50] All this stuff here is insulation and that might just be more like shit.

Speaker 2:
[22:53] I wonder if that's okay to breathe in. That's interesting. That is interesting.

Speaker 1:
[23:01] Of course it is. Well, the fan looks clean too. He doesn't need to switch out the air filter on that.

Speaker 2:
[23:10] You know, p8033321gmail.com, underscore KUFU, underscore FVR. Well, I'm interested to see where this amp ends up. It's good to see you again. Don't trust those internet hoes, man.

Speaker 1:
[23:26] No.

Speaker 2:
[23:27] Yeah, don't trust them for sure.

Speaker 1:
[23:29] I'm surprised that he's disappointed in that online love.

Speaker 2:
[23:33] There's kind of something for this show in the far right.

Speaker 5:
[23:35] What's that?

Speaker 2:
[23:36] Well, look at that text over there. Hit that. Can you read that?

Speaker 1:
[23:41] I was just informed my new achievement, another achievement on one of my reels, looking for the retarded zombie.

Speaker 5:
[23:48] Huh.

Speaker 1:
[23:49] Who's the retarded zombie?

Speaker 5:
[23:51] I don't know.

Speaker 2:
[23:53] It's all good stuff. All right. So something to cleanse the palate. That can't be good for you. It can't be. I'm not a doctor, but that cannot be to your benefit, to hammer something into your neck or your tailbone.

Speaker 1:
[24:43] This guy's getting new clients. People are like, you know what you need to do? Go see this guy. He's going to hammer you. Yeah, must be.

Speaker 2:
[24:50] Your back hurts? Go see. It's like, chill, chill, chill, bro. That's just trauma. It's just trauma. That's trauma on your tailbone.

Speaker 1:
[25:10] OK, but you're not thinking about the positives.

Speaker 2:
[25:17] Oh, right up the vertebrae there of the lower back. And your lumbars are all fucked up now. You feel good? Holy shit.

Speaker 1:
[25:25] Maybe he's breaking apart the fascia. He's breaking things apart and then they have to re- maybe growing collagen? I don't-

Speaker 2:
[25:34] I don't think that's what's happening.

Speaker 1:
[25:35] This is terrible.

Speaker 2:
[25:36] I don't think that's what's happening.

Speaker 1:
[25:38] Oh my God. Oh no, no, no, no.

Speaker 5:
[25:42] This fascia.

Speaker 2:
[25:43] This fascia.

Speaker 1:
[25:44] Oh, fucking don't.

Speaker 5:
[25:45] Don't.

Speaker 2:
[25:46] Let's see. I'm going to readjust your-

Speaker 1:
[26:14] Tom, do his... Relief, sweet relief.

Speaker 2:
[26:26] That is total relief, yeah.

Speaker 1:
[26:35] It's healing sounds.

Speaker 2:
[26:36] You all better now? You good? I mean, that guy's... First of all, I don't know if he's okay after that. He's staring at... He's like... He does not know what just happened to him. Good Lord. He's so scared. He's so scared.

Speaker 1:
[26:58] I just saw a post on Instagram about this poor man that had the neck adjustment done by a chiropractor. He was paralyzed, of course, and he won how many millions of dollars? It's like, God, damn it.

Speaker 2:
[27:11] Thanks for the check. Totally worth it. I don't know who signs up for the neck shit. Man, you must be in some type of way if you're going to sign up for that. I've done it.

Speaker 1:
[27:23] Remember that crazy chiropractor in LA?

Speaker 2:
[27:25] Do I remember? Yeah.

Speaker 1:
[27:27] He would do it.

Speaker 2:
[27:28] I was out of his fucking mind.

Speaker 1:
[27:29] I know. Now, looking back, we shouldn't have let him do that.

Speaker 2:
[27:32] Look how fast my hands are. That's what he would do. He'd go, look how fast I am. Look at that shit. I'm like, okay. You see how fucking fast I move? I go, yeah, I can see that. It's crazy how fast you are. It's so crazy.

Speaker 1:
[27:45] Why aren't we going to him? I think, did I have back pain after having babies or something?

Speaker 2:
[27:49] You went first. You went first and I went after you. And then I remember one time he was, you know, he sat me down and he was like telling me all about his training. And he was like, yeah, you know, a lot of people talk shit about chiropractors. Like we're fucking nothing. And I'm like, okay. And he told me about, you know, what he does. And then I remember one time he was going to do a back adjustment. And to do the back adjustment, I don't know the terminology, but they put some type of cream and they kind of, you know, prep the area. And so he's doing like thumb and scraping. And I go, I'm just face down. I just go, this feels amazing. Like where you're massaging. And he goes, I'm not massaging you. And I was like, okay, whatever you're doing feels great. And then he told me like the term, like the proper term for what he's doing to prep the area for the adjustment. And I was like, got it. He was like, I'm not a fucking massage therapist. It's like a fucking fast I am. I was like, okay.

Speaker 1:
[28:49] And he had a dog that was like really old and smelly. Remember? And it would breathe next to you. And you're like, dude.

Speaker 2:
[28:54] Yeah, yeah, that dude was, but he was really good.

Speaker 10:
[28:57] He was, yeah.

Speaker 1:
[28:58] Better than this guy.

Speaker 2:
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Speaker 2:
[31:11] You see that quadriplegic who's been charged with murder?

Speaker 1:
[31:15] No, let's see.

Speaker 2:
[31:16] Yeah, so they charge this guy with murder and everyone's like, he doesn't have hands, right? Then there's a video out of him doing a headstand, doing a line of coke upside down, and then he grabs a gun and shoots it out the window. There's all kinds of footage of him using guns. It's really crazy.

Speaker 1:
[31:35] What?

Speaker 2:
[31:35] This is the guy here. He's a cornhole player, like a championship cornhole player.

Speaker 1:
[31:40] I hate that word.

Speaker 2:
[31:41] But here's... Against your neck.

Speaker 8:
[31:44] Hurry up. I'm losing energy.

Speaker 2:
[31:46] He's doing coke?

Speaker 1:
[31:48] Coke for him.

Speaker 2:
[31:51] Right?

Speaker 1:
[31:53] Dang.

Speaker 5:
[31:55] Hey, that was perfect, man.

Speaker 8:
[32:00] I don't give a f**k, f**k you, bud. dude.

Speaker 2:
[32:11] How can this guy shoot somebody? You're like, well, here you go.

Speaker 1:
[32:15] Yeah, I mean.

Speaker 2:
[32:16] I also think we should honestly maybe put him in a special category of like, that's an amazing crime.

Speaker 1:
[32:23] Yeah, I agree.

Speaker 2:
[32:26] Like maybe not, hey, how can we punish this guy, but how can we learn from this guy?

Speaker 1:
[32:30] How can we learn from him? How can we showcase these talents? Why is he just shooting out the window?

Speaker 2:
[32:34] Because he's on Coke and he's like, fuck everybody out there.

Speaker 1:
[32:36] Think he lives in a city or I hope he lives somewhere in rural North Carolina, right?

Speaker 2:
[32:40] There's a bong there too, that's pretty cool.

Speaker 1:
[32:44] Yeah, but don't you think it's stupid to assume that like handicapped people can't, that's a workaround. That's what they do. You learn to work with what you got.

Speaker 2:
[32:51] You're 100% right.

Speaker 1:
[32:53] That's so, gosh, I wonder what else he can do.

Speaker 2:
[32:56] But that's what I'm saying. This guy's attitude is what I'm impressed with. I mean, yeah, he killed somebody. Okay, that's bad. But aren't we gonna talk about how great of an attitude he has?

Speaker 1:
[33:05] How did he kill them? So who did he kill and why?

Speaker 2:
[33:07] It's like when people go like BTK was a terrible serial killer. He was also an incredible city controller.

Speaker 1:
[33:13] I know.

Speaker 2:
[33:13] Like he knew how to run things in that city.

Speaker 1:
[33:16] I know.

Speaker 2:
[33:18] What happened? In March 2026, he was involved in a shooting inside a car. Police say he shot and killed his friend Bradrick Wells during an argument while driving.

Speaker 1:
[33:27] He can drive too?

Speaker 2:
[33:28] I fucking wouldn't be surprised. Jesus. Authorities allege after the shooting, he drove away with the victim still in the vehicle and the body was later found nearby. The grand jury indicted him on first degree murder charges and additional charges including firearm use in a violent vehicle, reckless endangerment, gun possession. He could be held without bail. He's being held without bail, could face life in prison if convicted. His lawyers are saying it was self-defense. Yeah, pretty wild. Yeah, there's footage of him hunting, like going up in a tree stand.

Speaker 1:
[34:00] So cool. Can we see that? Like I like to see how he moves. Now I'm more curious about what he can do.

Speaker 2:
[34:06] Yeah, it's pretty amazing, man.

Speaker 1:
[34:08] He sounds like he's got a little bit of a temper.

Speaker 2:
[34:11] I would say, yeah.

Speaker 1:
[34:13] Something tells me.

Speaker 2:
[34:14] A bit of a short fuse.

Speaker 1:
[34:15] What could you be fighting about?

Speaker 2:
[34:17] Shooting, because it's really nuts to see him handle a firearm.

Speaker 1:
[34:23] They were having an argument while driving, and he shot his friend during an argument.

Speaker 6:
[34:27] I don't know.

Speaker 2:
[34:29] Here he is. Wow.

Speaker 6:
[34:30] Yeah.

Speaker 2:
[34:32] Let's see. Everyone's like, how could this guy do it?

Speaker 1:
[34:35] And that's so weird that he's into cornhole. Look.

Speaker 6:
[34:38] Look at him. What does that mean? Well, look at some of the videos on your screen right now. These are videos that he posted to his personal YouTube channel, which obviously show him loading and firing several shots from a handgun, as you see there. Weber was charged with first and second degree murder. As for next steps in this case, he is waiting to be extradited back. Great smile.

Speaker 1:
[34:58] Definitely. It's such a funny dichotomy. He's like, I'm into killing people and cornhole.

Speaker 5:
[35:03] Yeah, I know.

Speaker 2:
[35:04] It's sort of like David, who's like, the Lord will bless you and I want to eat your ass.

Speaker 1:
[35:08] Yeah. What a weird set of hobbies.

Speaker 2:
[35:12] More complex individuals, you know?

Speaker 7:
[35:14] Jesus Christ.

Speaker 1:
[35:16] By the way, cornhole is the most boring fucking thing on the planet, too.

Speaker 2:
[35:19] But the skill for a handless person to do that.

Speaker 1:
[35:22] That's amazing.

Speaker 2:
[35:23] I mean, it's all about little movements that you do. I don't know.

Speaker 1:
[35:29] Talented guy.

Speaker 2:
[35:30] He's a talented guy. Yeah.

Speaker 1:
[35:32] But he's in jail now, right? Like he's in prison? Yeah.

Speaker 2:
[35:34] I mean, look at this guy. He goes hunting. Isn't that photo? I saw footage of him going up in a tree stand.

Speaker 1:
[35:43] He's a wild kid, though.

Speaker 2:
[35:45] Yeah.

Speaker 1:
[35:47] That's cool to put a video of yourself up shooting out a window, though. Doing coke and then.

Speaker 2:
[35:52] Fuck yeah. I mean, so do that and be like, hey, record.

Speaker 1:
[35:56] Yeah, maybe not record it.

Speaker 2:
[35:57] Record the shit, dude. Yeah.

Speaker 1:
[36:04] The fuck am I watching, bro?

Speaker 2:
[36:05] Tooth extraction. But hold on. This is impressive.

Speaker 1:
[36:09] I can't.

Speaker 2:
[36:10] You got it. You got it.

Speaker 1:
[36:19] Oh, was he to get pliers at least?

Speaker 2:
[36:21] Yeah.

Speaker 13:
[36:23] dude.

Speaker 1:
[36:27] Oh, I heard it snap.

Speaker 2:
[36:31] Oh!

Speaker 9:
[36:32] Oh, God!

Speaker 2:
[36:35] Toothache gone. Toothache gone. Yeah, the toothache goes away when you rip it out with a pair of pliers. A lot of people don't know that. This man is a savage.

Speaker 5:
[36:44] Dude, I just got the chills.

Speaker 1:
[36:46] And he's not high on meth. We saw a fed smoker doing that.

Speaker 2:
[36:50] His face is tattooed. Sure. So I would say that he has a tolerance for pain that not everybody can deal with. But what a fucking animal, dude. So impressive.

Speaker 1:
[37:02] I hope he's drunk, at least.

Speaker 2:
[37:03] Doesn't look like it. Doesn't look like it. dude. He just looks like a guy who's like, yeah, I don't give a fuck. And look, he didn't even wince afterwards. And they were like, eh, he was like, toothache going.

Speaker 1:
[37:16] So calm.

Speaker 2:
[37:18] Wow. I wouldn't want to, I don't know, I feel like you meet someone like this. You're like, no, you're right. You know, like whatever they say, you go, you're right. Yeah. 100%.

Speaker 1:
[37:29] That is gnarly, bro.

Speaker 2:
[37:31] Salute, my man. That was impressive.

Speaker 1:
[37:33] Look how big his tooth is, too. Look at those roots. That's a hard pull. Those things are embedded. Those are bones in your jaw, bro.

Speaker 2:
[37:41] I mean, I would quit so far before.

Speaker 1:
[38:13] Sometimes the pain.

Speaker 2:
[38:14] The toothache is unbearable, yeah.

Speaker 1:
[38:16] Now hold on though, too. The bacteria is still in the mouth. So the reason they, don't they clean that out and stuff?

Speaker 2:
[38:22] In a professional environment, they would. Yeah.

Speaker 1:
[38:25] I hope he swishes some Listerine in his mouth.

Speaker 2:
[38:28] I assume he rinsed after this.

Speaker 1:
[38:29] Maybe some salt water at least.

Speaker 2:
[38:30] He just goes, well, that's not a fun video to watch. I'll show you the cool part. What is the tattoo of?

Speaker 1:
[38:35] It's a Maori tribal maybe, I would say, right? Like New Zealand or something.

Speaker 2:
[38:41] Well, yeah, you're 100% right. What I'm saying, what's the imagery that we're seeing on the side?

Speaker 1:
[38:46] It's a gallbladder or a liver.

Speaker 13:
[38:49] I don't know what it is.

Speaker 1:
[38:51] It looks terrible though.

Speaker 10:
[38:52] Is it a fish?

Speaker 2:
[38:54] I don't know.

Speaker 10:
[38:54] I almost see like a goldfish. It can't be that.

Speaker 2:
[38:58] Is it this fish?

Speaker 9:
[39:07] Oh, shit.

Speaker 6:
[39:09] Look at his face.

Speaker 1:
[39:15] It is not that heavy.

Speaker 2:
[39:17] It's crazy how strong they are.

Speaker 1:
[39:19] That is a tuna, right?

Speaker 2:
[39:21] It's an amberjack.

Speaker 1:
[39:22] Oh, amberjack.

Speaker 2:
[39:25] You know how good he's gonna feel killing that thing? He's gonna be like, fuck this guy. I reeled in a 26 pound amberjack, like 25 years ago in Florida, back off the coast. And the struggle was so intense and so long. And you go, that's it? It's 26 pounds. And then you see people that reel in 150 pound fish and you're like, I don't understand. That thing right there, that weighs, what is that? That thing weighs 20 pounds.

Speaker 1:
[39:55] Yeah, so it's like a baby.

Speaker 2:
[39:58] But I'm saying it's the strength.

Speaker 1:
[40:00] Yeah, their muscles.

Speaker 2:
[40:01] Oh my God, look at his face, he's a hack. He looks like he's in so much pain.

Speaker 1:
[40:06] Well sometimes too, they got those spikes around the back. You know what I'm saying. Like the scales can puncture your hand too.

Speaker 2:
[40:15] I thought we were gonna, cause he looks like he has struggled. I thought we were just gonna watch him turn and drop it into a grinder type of thing and just be like, fuck you to the fish.

Speaker 1:
[40:25] Well I would throw the fish on the floor and try to crack its fucking skull. Wouldn't you do that? Like just smack it on the ground or something? Throw it? Can't you just throw it?

Speaker 2:
[40:37] I'm surprised that it ends here. You would think that it's gonna be, I thought he was gonna lay it on a table or something.

Speaker 1:
[40:43] And then smash its head with a hammer.

Speaker 2:
[40:44] Smash its head maybe, yeah.

Speaker 1:
[40:46] Cause you don't have to eat the head of the amberjack, right?

Speaker 2:
[40:48] You certainly don't have to. That's not the part you want. That's not the part that most people are going for. Yeah, they want that meaty fatty body.

Speaker 13:
[40:55] Yeah.

Speaker 10:
[40:56] It's a good fish, bro.

Speaker 2:
[40:58] Alright, why don't we take a quick break? And we'll be right back. We are back with one of our all time favorites. You can watch his new special, The End Of The Beginning Of The End, which is out now on YouTube. It's David Cross, everybody.

Speaker 11:
[41:14] Hey, thank you for having me. Now, I'm curious, this was a co-production with somebody. Do you know? Is that information up there?

Speaker 2:
[41:24] It doesn't say that there. Well, it's here. So David Cross is partnering with 800 Pound Guerrilla Media and YMH Studios.

Speaker 11:
[41:32] What?

Speaker 10:
[41:33] YMH Studios.

Speaker 11:
[41:35] Is that cool?

Speaker 2:
[41:38] Yeah.

Speaker 11:
[41:38] OK.

Speaker 2:
[41:39] So this special is produced by YMH.

Speaker 11:
[41:42] Yeah. And YMH stands for?

Speaker 2:
[41:46] Your Momma's Place.

Speaker 11:
[41:48] They got the H and the P.

Speaker 2:
[41:49] They got the H and the P wrong. Yeah. We did. We produced this. We produced the special with you and 800 Pound Guerrilla.

Speaker 11:
[41:57] Yeah.

Speaker 2:
[41:58] And you shot in Athens, Georgia. Home of what? You grew up near there or in Athens?

Speaker 11:
[42:04] No, I grew up in Atlanta, a little outside of Atlanta. But yeah, I went to Athens a bunch. All my friends from high school, all of them went to UGA. And then I applied and I got denied.

Speaker 2:
[42:22] I had that happen at Denver University.

Speaker 11:
[42:24] Really?

Speaker 2:
[42:25] That was the only place I wanted to go because I visited Denver at some point in high school and I was like, I love the city.

Speaker 11:
[42:30] Where did you grow up? Wait, you grew up?

Speaker 2:
[42:31] I moved around a lot. But by the time I was in high school in Florida, and I was like, I just want to go to Denver. And I applied and this is so humiliating. I applied and I told my high school best friend that I was applying. So he's like, I'll apply. And this fucking box of rocks gets in, right? So that's not the humiliating part, you know, big head. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That one got in. He got in. And he had a lower SAT but a higher GPA. And then, I did not know this. My dad wrote them a letter.

Speaker 11:
[43:06] Oh, that's humiliating.

Speaker 2:
[43:07] That's to reconsider. And they were like, They wrote it back like, no, he's dumb. And then I got to see that letter. And he's like, what is this? And he's like, oh, I tried to get you in. That's so sweet. It is sweet.

Speaker 11:
[43:20] It's very nice. It's sweet. He also wanted you out of the house. Yeah. And far away.

Speaker 2:
[43:26] So far.

Speaker 11:
[43:26] Yeah. And what was it, Denver?

Speaker 2:
[43:29] University. Yeah. DU.

Speaker 11:
[43:32] I've never even heard of Denver University.

Speaker 2:
[43:34] I know. Well, I only knew about it because a guy that was a year above me was going. So I found out that he was, I was like, I didn't know there was even a school there.

Speaker 11:
[43:41] And what were you gonna major in?

Speaker 2:
[43:43] Just something dumb. Communications, you know, the easy.

Speaker 11:
[43:48] Communication. What does that even mean?

Speaker 2:
[43:50] I have a major in it. I don't know. So you did?

Speaker 11:
[43:53] So where did you go to school?

Speaker 2:
[43:55] One of the most elite universities in the country. Lenore Rhyne College.

Speaker 11:
[44:00] Lenore Rhyne?

Speaker 2:
[44:01] You know, Harvard, Lenore Rhyne, Princeton, Yale.

Speaker 11:
[44:04] Lenore Rhyne, yeah, she lives on, I know where she is. She's off with like Brown Olympus or something like that.

Speaker 2:
[44:11] She's solid and she started a school and I went there.

Speaker 11:
[44:14] In communications.

Speaker 1:
[44:15] What did you, what was your SAT score?

Speaker 11:
[44:19] I remember it, it was 1070.

Speaker 1:
[44:22] Wow.

Speaker 11:
[44:23] Well, but all, almost all of it was like verbal and zero.

Speaker 1:
[44:29] Yeah.

Speaker 11:
[44:29] Nothing. I mean, my math dragged me down. But I also, and my GPA was kind of average, you know, not necessarily. And again, I got, I actually got a F in algebra, algebra because I pleaded with my teacher to not give me an incomplete. Like I can't go to school. And little did I know that I wasn't, I would end up not attending school really. But I was like, please just change it to an F, you know, just so I could.

Speaker 2:
[45:02] Please fail me.

Speaker 11:
[45:04] And, yeah, in all things, you know, math just dragged me down.

Speaker 2:
[45:12] Same, dude.

Speaker 1:
[45:13] Same path. We're both in turds in math.

Speaker 11:
[45:16] And I had the kind of the not foresight, but by the time I was in, I don't know, 11th grade or so, I was like, everyone's using calculators. And why do I need, if I'm clearly showing an aptitude in this other completely different world, which is also important, and I'm never going to need to know fucking cosines, ever, ever, never. So why, why are you putting this onus on this thing that is preventing me from going to school, you know? For this other thing. And by the time we were like in 10th grade, people were using calculators. And like, I know how to push buttons, you know?

Speaker 2:
[46:14] Did you have the mind, I had the mind fuck of freshman year, I failed algebra and the guy was like, this is crazy. I can't believe how bad you are at this.

Speaker 11:
[46:22] Wait, you had algebra in freshman year?

Speaker 2:
[46:25] Freshman year, we had algebra one.

Speaker 11:
[46:26] Oh, that's early.

Speaker 2:
[46:27] And then I failed.

Speaker 11:
[46:28] You're talking about high school?

Speaker 2:
[46:29] High school, yeah. Oh, that's really early. And he was like, wow, like you're just like, your special needs. And I was like, cool. And then sophomore year, you go into, we have geometry. And I was like, oh fuck, here's another math thing. And I get a B plus and they're like, hey, good.

Speaker 11:
[46:44] Well, those are two different things.

Speaker 2:
[46:46] They are, but those are the math requirements I'm saying. So in my head, I'm like, I'm bad at math. And then I'm like, I guess I'm okay at math. And then even though I failed algebra one, freshman year, junior year, they're like, now you're in algebra two. Failed it again.

Speaker 11:
[47:00] Yeah, of course.

Speaker 2:
[47:01] And then senior year, they were like, you just have to go into like the class with the seventh graders and just see if you can, you know.

Speaker 11:
[47:08] Did you nail it?

Speaker 2:
[47:09] I think I got a D.

Speaker 11:
[47:10] Was it like a Happy Gilmore situation?

Speaker 2:
[47:12] It kind of was.

Speaker 11:
[47:13] Or Billy Madison, I should say.

Speaker 2:
[47:14] They were just like, just sit in this class so we can pass you.

Speaker 1:
[47:17] Dude, I was so stupid in algebra. I took algebra one A as a whole year and then one B as a second year. So like when I graduated, yeah, as a senior, I finally got to algebra two. I was so stupid.

Speaker 2:
[47:32] I think what kind of fucked me that year is that freshman year I moved. So when I moved to the new school, that's where I'm coming in the middle of the year and they're like, we're in this part of algebra. And I'm like, I don't know any of this.

Speaker 11:
[47:44] Were you public school?

Speaker 2:
[47:45] I transferred from a public school to a private school. And that was excruciating.

Speaker 11:
[47:49] That was all public school. And Georgia public schools were not the best. Yeah, it still bothers me. And it's something as I, you know, my daughter goes to public school and she's very, she's only in third grade, but I'm keeping an eye out for, you know, going, listen, to figure out when she'll be old enough to understand what this means and how to apply it and say, I don't give a shit about math, okay? I just want you, I want, you know, right now she needs to know the basics, you know, adding, subtracting, division, percentages, stuff like that, but there's gonna be a point in the near future where I'm like, just get a D. Get D and you'll be fine. I'm serious, I don't want you to worry about this shit. I want you to concentrate on this stuff. And I will say that to her, you know, when it's time.

Speaker 1:
[48:48] For sure, but that's why college is great because I...

Speaker 11:
[48:52] She's not gonna go to college.

Speaker 1:
[48:53] Yeah, let's be real. Fuck that. But then you can just do what you're good at. And then they make you take like one statistics class, which I barely got through. I paid my friend in beer to do my homework for me. And that's it, you just suffer.

Speaker 2:
[49:07] All the way to senior year in college without taking a math course, because I was like, I should stay away from those. And they're like, you need to take this minimal time. And I started taking it and I was like, I'm gonna fail this. And then I learned that the professor, who's a real like folksy guy, I heard him one time talking about boats. And then I was just like, I would go up to him and be like, I like boats. And then I bought him a boating magazine. And then he passed me.

Speaker 1:
[49:35] Clever Jack.

Speaker 11:
[49:36] It's that easy.

Speaker 2:
[49:37] It was that easy.

Speaker 11:
[49:37] The fucking boating magazine.

Speaker 2:
[49:38] He was like, I love this stuff, man.

Speaker 1:
[49:40] But what a great life lesson. That's how you actually operate in real life.

Speaker 2:
[49:45] I just lubed him up a little bit.

Speaker 11:
[49:47] Yeah.

Speaker 2:
[49:47] I'm like, yeah man.

Speaker 1:
[49:48] Greased his behind.

Speaker 2:
[49:49] You know, I was gonna say, cause I saw the special before it went public. You are able, do you enjoy a standing crowd? Cause you've had that for years.

Speaker 11:
[50:02] That's a conscious effort.

Speaker 2:
[50:04] What was the thought, what was the first time? Was there a first time you were like, I want to try this? Well, it's a very rock club feel, right?

Speaker 11:
[50:12] Yeah, when I first, when I did my first tour that went, that was beyond like, you know, clubs, right? You know, I headline clubs at that. But then I did a tour that was just a band, friends of mine, we had a van.

Speaker 2:
[50:32] Just like shut up you fucking baby time?

Speaker 11:
[50:33] Yeah, it resulted in that. Yeah, but the first tour was kind of up and down the East Coast. It was a band opening up for me in music venue, in a music venue. And then there'd be, they do 30, 45 minutes. And then there'd be no intermission. They bring me on and I just go. And it was great. And I did that tour and then Sub Pop reached out and said, hey, you want to do a bigger, more, you know, extensive US tour and we'll record it and we'll put out an album. It was like, yeah, great. That was shut up, you fucking baby. But all the same thing was it just is a different energy and you can, your relationship with the audience is completely different. I shouldn't say completely different, but you're-

Speaker 2:
[51:22] Do you feel like they're more engaged?

Speaker 11:
[51:24] Oh, yeah.

Speaker 2:
[51:24] They are. Yeah, for sure.

Speaker 11:
[51:26] And it's not that they're, you know, nothing against theater shows. I've done plenty of them. I've done specials in the theater. And it's not a bad thing. It's just different. And the last two or three tours, two tours ago, I said, I'm going to go back to this thing that I used to do. And I used a booking agent that was, just did music, didn't do comics. And I went with Arrival and they were great. And, and, you know, did some theaters, but I'd say half of the shows were in a music venue where it's standing and they know what I want and they tell them up front. And, and, you know, you do those theater shows and you see, depending on what you ask for, you see the first three, four rows maybe before the light drops out. And sometimes the lights are so glaring. That's why I wear a hat sometimes, just to cut the glare of those lights so I can see people. And, and, you know, they're paying attention and it's, it's, it's good, it's fun, but it's a different type of show.

Speaker 2:
[52:38] Do you make them stand even if they have like MS or they're like in a chair?

Speaker 11:
[52:41] Yeah, yeah. What I do is I have a minder, what I call a minder, and the minder will come over and not allow them to sit. If they, if the minder feels like they're-

Speaker 2:
[52:55] Lazy.

Speaker 11:
[52:56] Lazy, then yes, they will, they'll actually, they have a really mild, super mild taser, get them up.

Speaker 2:
[53:03] Get them up.

Speaker 11:
[53:04] Yeah, kind of like cattle prod thing because it gives them some room, you know, to distance themselves. And-

Speaker 2:
[53:10] I love that.

Speaker 11:
[53:10] Yeah, tase it up. And then I will give out, part of my merch is tasers with my face on them, you know.

Speaker 2:
[53:19] That's awesome.

Speaker 11:
[53:20] And then-

Speaker 2:
[53:20] It feels like you. It feels on brand.

Speaker 11:
[53:22] Yeah.

Speaker 2:
[53:22] Yeah.

Speaker 11:
[53:23] Yeah. I mean, that was, that was my high school nickname. Taser.

Speaker 2:
[53:27] Taser. Here comes Taser down the hall.

Speaker 11:
[53:30] Yeah. Here comes Taser and Dave. Yeah, it's great. And I urge you to try it.

Speaker 2:
[53:38] I'm definitely going to.

Speaker 11:
[53:40] No, not the Taser, the music venue.

Speaker 2:
[53:43] Oh, the music venue.

Speaker 5:
[53:43] Yeah.

Speaker 11:
[53:43] Standing. I'm telling you, you won't want to go back.

Speaker 2:
[53:48] Really?

Speaker 11:
[53:48] It's just a fun. That's not true. You will want to do theaters because they're more lucrative.

Speaker 2:
[53:57] But the rock scene, the feel.

Speaker 11:
[54:00] Do a couple of them. And it's just a.

Speaker 2:
[54:02] I feel like the Goth Queen here would be into this.

Speaker 1:
[54:04] I've done the Bell House in Brooklyn. That's standing room.

Speaker 11:
[54:08] Well, they put chairs out though.

Speaker 1:
[54:10] I think when I did it, people were standing. And I just felt bad for them the whole time. Because I I'm like, oh my God, because I know that there's a band I want to see here. And I'm like, oh, do I have to stand? But I'm also 50.

Speaker 11:
[54:24] You know what? I get I get that. But also. All I can't speak for y'all, but my a lot of my audience is, you know, roughly my age. And they are in the music and they know what they're getting. And it's like, it's like, you know, it's not a big deal to stand for 90 minutes, especially when you have beers. And they've gone to plenty of music shows and stuff. So.

Speaker 1:
[54:55] Cause your demo is like the cool.

Speaker 11:
[54:57] Yeah.

Speaker 1:
[54:58] Like the band.

Speaker 11:
[54:59] I got the cool kids.

Speaker 1:
[54:59] I like music. Yeah. I get it. Mine's like, let's lay down. I'm tired. If I could, I would let them fully lie down.

Speaker 11:
[55:08] I used to do more yoga shows.

Speaker 2:
[55:10] I know when I'm walking through an airport or a mall, and I see like a generally unhealthy looking middle-aged guy, that he's going to be like, what's up man? I can always tell. I'm like, you look like you need to go to the doctor. Things are kind of off. And then he's like, Tom. I'm like, there it is.

Speaker 10:
[55:28] I knew it was going to happen. I knew it.

Speaker 2:
[55:30] I could see it walking towards me.

Speaker 11:
[55:32] When you look at your audience, what do you see?

Speaker 2:
[55:34] The funny thing is-

Speaker 11:
[55:35] When you walk out.

Speaker 2:
[55:36] You actually, I've told her this for you. It's always surprise. It's not always 100%. So once I say like, still to this day, I see people gauges, the door knocker tatted up and I'm like, I didn't expect you here. Then you see, yeah, people of my age range. Then you'll be surprised. I'll get surprised that I'll see people in their 20s. Sometimes couples or dudes together. And then yeah, and then like a bulk of it, like just feels like they look like kind of like you. Like they look like they kind of like you.

Speaker 11:
[56:12] Yeah, I get that. I get a lot of Brian Poseyne looking guys, a lot of them. And a lot of-

Speaker 1:
[56:21] Brian Poseyne looking.

Speaker 11:
[56:24] Yeah, I get a lot of those guys. I get a lot of me. And sometimes like the gay version of me. And then a lot of like tatted up kind of feminist, younger feminists. And then what's surprising, I guess, but shouldn't be. Starting a couple tours ago, kids that were brought and are there with their parents, like teenagers or, you know, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22. And then like, yeah, I brought my kids and- Yeah. That's happened more than once.

Speaker 2:
[57:03] I told you this on the last, like when you were here, but like for you and I, that your, that album was like, as we were, baby comics. So it was super influential for us.

Speaker 11:
[57:14] Oh, good. Yeah. Happy to hear that.

Speaker 2:
[57:16] I mean, we were just like obsessed with that dude. And then-

Speaker 11:
[57:19] Well, I think, but you can hear, sorry to interrupt, but you can hear the aspect that I'm talking about. That was all music venues.

Speaker 2:
[57:30] Yes, of course.

Speaker 11:
[57:31] And so, and I think the bulk of it was from Portland, a show in Portland and a show in Atlanta. And then the Portland show was at the Crystal Ballroom. That was all standing. You know, that girl was like, let me feel it or whatever, that thing, that part. She was right there at the stage. And you know, when you, if you're at the front of the stage, you got there, you know, two hours ago. And I know that, I've been that person, you know, and again, it's just different energy and it's, you know.

Speaker 1:
[58:10] It's uniquely David Cross, for sure. It does feel.

Speaker 11:
[58:12] I think more and more people are gonna do it.

Speaker 9:
[58:15] I hope so. Oh God.

Speaker 1:
[58:17] I don't know.

Speaker 9:
[58:17] Don't talk about it so much.

Speaker 1:
[58:19] Don't want them.

Speaker 2:
[58:20] Don't.

Speaker 11:
[58:22] You know, also there's that part in the show, in the special, where I'm talking about climbing Machu Picchu with Bob Lundkirk. And there's that interaction with a guy who's right there. I mean, he's too deep. He's right. You know, I could touch him. And that wouldn't have happened in the theater. That's true. I mean, if it did, I'd be talking in the dark and you wouldn't hear the person, really. And it would end up probably being cut because it would be fun in the show, but you wouldn't hear it, you wouldn't see it. And this guy's right there.

Speaker 1:
[59:00] You know what, David Cross, I'm going to do standing room only from now on.

Speaker 11:
[59:04] You don't have to do it from now on. Try it once.

Speaker 1:
[59:05] I'm going to have Mothership remove the seating. And then I'll...

Speaker 9:
[59:10] No, you should book a venue.

Speaker 2:
[59:11] You should book a venue.

Speaker 11:
[59:12] I'm telling you. I will, I will. And if when you do it, get in touch and let me know how it went and how it felt.

Speaker 2:
[59:20] I bet also...

Speaker 7:
[59:20] And if they hated it, it's your fault.

Speaker 2:
[59:21] You know, when you have like a real asshole at a show and they're seated, there's something about like, depending on the venue and the situation, everything happening in that moment, person still has like their space of their seat. But I bet when they're standing and people are around them, they get it more from the people around them.

Speaker 11:
[59:41] Yeah, probably. Yeah.

Speaker 2:
[59:42] Yeah. I would think that people would just be like, the fuck are you doing, man?

Speaker 11:
[59:44] Yeah.

Speaker 2:
[59:44] They feel more comfortable.

Speaker 11:
[59:46] And they would feel it.

Speaker 2:
[59:48] Yeah.

Speaker 11:
[59:48] You know, intensely. Yeah.

Speaker 2:
[59:49] Yeah.

Speaker 11:
[59:50] Yeah, for sure.

Speaker 2:
[59:50] It's interesting. It's an interesting part of it. Okay. So make sure you guys check out the special, The End Of The Beginning Of The End. You always do this thing too where like, cause when the special starts, you go on this bit that you always like, I love that I've always felt like you will take people on a long ride of before the...

Speaker 11:
[60:14] Of long, meandering, boring rides. No.

Speaker 2:
[60:16] No.

Speaker 1:
[60:16] No, it's so good though.

Speaker 2:
[60:18] No, of like, where like as you're watching and you're listening, you just keep leaning forward cause you're like where, cause all you always want is surprise. Like you want surprise.

Speaker 11:
[60:26] I mean, I, that's, I think, you know, there's some things I'm good at, some things I'm not good at as far as stand up. And I think that's one of the things I'm pretty good at.

Speaker 2:
[60:36] Yeah.

Speaker 11:
[60:37] Like you don't know the, what's like still to this day, like, is he serious? Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2:
[60:43] Oh my God.

Speaker 11:
[60:43] Cause this is gonna be heavy. Oh, I get it.

Speaker 2:
[60:45] Your deadpan is like unlike anybody's, like where you're like, wait, maybe he really feels this way?

Speaker 11:
[60:51] I think the, I think the joke that ends up with the punchline, the entire time there was a rock in my shoe is what made my wife marry me. Oh, really? She, that pulled her in.

Speaker 1:
[61:08] Oh, I loved it. They're mining gold to get the medicine for Susu, the medicine for Susu. And then the gold fleck ends up on your dessert and then shit it out. And that's that. And you're like, that's that. I always think, and since that joke, every time I see a gold fleck on a dessert, I think about your bit and how exorbitant and retarded that is.

Speaker 11:
[61:33] It's crazy.

Speaker 1:
[61:33] It's so stupid.

Speaker 11:
[61:34] There are places, New York has them, certainly Las Vegas, where it's like, no shit. It's like the thousand dollar burger.

Speaker 1:
[61:42] Oh my God.

Speaker 11:
[61:43] And it's, you know, it's a hundred dollars of it is the quality of the meat, right? Or the food. Or like the, and then $900 of it is, and we dip it in gold. And then there's some fucking asshole who's like, it thinks that makes them cool or like, they're just eating.

Speaker 2:
[62:03] What are you gonna get?

Speaker 11:
[62:03] Golden dipped.

Speaker 2:
[62:04] I'm getting the thousand dollar burger.

Speaker 11:
[62:06] I'm getting the hundred dollar burger.

Speaker 2:
[62:08] You fucking loser.

Speaker 11:
[62:08] Tastes the same, but look at this.

Speaker 1:
[62:11] Oh, it's real.

Speaker 2:
[62:12] Yeah.

Speaker 11:
[62:12] It's a real thing.

Speaker 1:
[62:13] Oh my God.

Speaker 11:
[62:13] They have them all over the place. Yeah. What is this? What does that say?

Speaker 1:
[62:17] The glam burger.

Speaker 11:
[62:18] $1,770.

Speaker 2:
[62:21] Yeah, cause I'm a fucking, I'm not a piece of shit.

Speaker 9:
[62:23] Look, look, it's the, I mean.

Speaker 13:
[62:26] Worth it.

Speaker 2:
[62:29] You think the person that orders that goes, whoa, whoa, whoa. I'm not going to tip you 20% on that. I might tip you on the meat. The meat was like a hundred bucks.

Speaker 11:
[62:38] Yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 1:
[62:39] It's just the bun.

Speaker 11:
[62:40] What if you just gave them the bun?

Speaker 1:
[62:44] I think there's caviar on that too, though.

Speaker 2:
[62:46] yeah, dude.

Speaker 11:
[62:46] Put it on there. Caviar, bacon. I mean, who doesn't like caviar and bacon and gold?

Speaker 2:
[62:51] I don't know how anyone can, I wonder what it's like to look at this and not know if you're going to have diarrhea. Because I know that it's going to be the meatiest.

Speaker 11:
[62:59] Also, you have to now look at your shit. Yeah. You eat that golden burger.

Speaker 1:
[63:05] Yeah.

Speaker 11:
[63:06] And now there's no way you're like not taking a peek, wiping your ass, looking at it, going, I don't see it's panning for gold, kind of. Yeah. In a way.

Speaker 1:
[63:17] That's so true. That might be the only reason to consume a golden burger.

Speaker 11:
[63:21] Honey, get in here. Yeah. Or you eat it, don't tell anybody, and then you take a shit, and you're like, wow, I'm made of magic.

Speaker 9:
[63:32] I'm shitting gold.

Speaker 11:
[63:35] Can you, I don't know who the person is who's doing, operating that thing. Can you look for other golden foods and see what they've got?

Speaker 2:
[63:43] Golden flaked foods, maybe, you know?

Speaker 1:
[63:45] Golden, that the flecks on the dessert always get me.

Speaker 11:
[63:49] Like, golden, fancy golden.

Speaker 2:
[63:50] Yeah.

Speaker 11:
[63:51] Yeah, what's that there? Gold sushi. It's insane.

Speaker 1:
[63:54] You need gold sushi.

Speaker 2:
[63:56] What a bunch of assholes.

Speaker 11:
[63:57] What a bunch of assholes.

Speaker 10:
[63:59] I mean, just these people.

Speaker 1:
[64:00] Right, and isn't it a metal in your body? It can't be good.

Speaker 11:
[64:05] Wait, I have to go look in this.

Speaker 9:
[64:06] Sorry.

Speaker 11:
[64:06] Hang on one second.

Speaker 9:
[64:07] Yeah. All right.

Speaker 11:
[64:09] Golden donuts, golden ice cream.

Speaker 2:
[64:11] Golden ice cream.

Speaker 11:
[64:12] Golden lamb shake.

Speaker 2:
[64:13] Golden lamb shake is nice. Very nice.

Speaker 1:
[64:17] That looks disgusting.

Speaker 9:
[64:18] They didn't even have enough gold to cover.

Speaker 2:
[64:21] Yeah. This skimped on the gold. A gold cake. Oh, my birthday's Thursday.

Speaker 11:
[64:28] Is it really? Yeah. I just had my birthday.

Speaker 2:
[64:30] Happy birthday.

Speaker 11:
[64:30] Happy birthday.

Speaker 2:
[64:31] Man, did you eat gold?

Speaker 11:
[64:33] Yeah, I had gold. Well, no, actually, to be honest, I ate a diamond. I just swallowed a diamond all off Marathon Man. Just had a couple of diamonds.

Speaker 2:
[64:44] What a way to celebrate.

Speaker 11:
[64:45] Yeah.

Speaker 2:
[64:45] That's really cool because you're not a fucking loser. That's what you're telling people.

Speaker 11:
[64:50] It's what smart, fancy, worthwhile people do.

Speaker 2:
[64:53] Yeah.

Speaker 11:
[64:54] And I still haven't shitted out. And I've been my birthday was on the fourth and I've been like having, you know, sifting because it's a small diamond.

Speaker 2:
[65:05] Of course. Yeah.

Speaker 11:
[65:07] But your ring.

Speaker 2:
[65:08] Yeah.

Speaker 11:
[65:08] Fancy. Thank you. I love that.

Speaker 2:
[65:11] Imagine eating that.

Speaker 11:
[65:12] How much? I know not in one.

Speaker 1:
[65:14] Not once. What if we broke it up and I smash it with a hammer? Yeah.

Speaker 11:
[65:17] Yeah. I could do it that way. I would sprinkle it like a power smoothie.

Speaker 2:
[65:21] Oh, that's such a good idea. That's such a good idea.

Speaker 1:
[65:25] But then imagine sifting through your brown to find.

Speaker 11:
[65:29] Yeah. Yeah. No. I mean, I'm still looking and I've gotten to the point where I can't. I don't shit in water anymore. I just shit in a sieve, you know? Yeah. Just squish it down.

Speaker 2:
[65:42] Do you call in the wife and daughter every time you shit? Like, let's see if it's here.

Speaker 11:
[65:46] I have them help. Yeah.

Speaker 2:
[65:47] That's cute.

Speaker 11:
[65:48] Yeah. Yeah. And then wash up, obviously.

Speaker 2:
[65:50] Of course.

Speaker 11:
[65:50] You know.

Speaker 2:
[65:51] Of course.

Speaker 11:
[65:54] How much did that set you back?

Speaker 1:
[65:55] It's $100. This is for Metsu.

Speaker 2:
[65:57] 63, I think.

Speaker 11:
[65:59] It's beautiful.

Speaker 1:
[66:00] Thank you.

Speaker 11:
[66:01] I mean, that is a that is a I never notice wedding rings. Really?

Speaker 1:
[66:05] Do you want to try it on?

Speaker 2:
[66:06] Gumball. It's a gumball.

Speaker 1:
[66:08] See what it feels like, David.

Speaker 2:
[66:09] It's a gumball machine.

Speaker 1:
[66:10] Put that ice on.

Speaker 11:
[66:10] Oh, that's heavy.

Speaker 2:
[66:12] Eat it.

Speaker 9:
[66:14] Eat it.

Speaker 13:
[66:15] Yeah.

Speaker 9:
[66:16] Wow.

Speaker 11:
[66:16] Dude, you have some dainty fingers. I can't even get this on my pinky.

Speaker 1:
[66:19] I'm such a lady.

Speaker 13:
[66:21] You like that?

Speaker 11:
[66:21] I kind of like it. It's cool.

Speaker 1:
[66:23] It's fun.

Speaker 11:
[66:24] I, you know, it's fun.

Speaker 1:
[66:26] And the older I get, I like wearing this stuff. And the secret is just to wear it because my mother had a lovely collection of jewelry. And when she died, I found it in a bag hidden in the back of her closet. And I was like, oh, that's so messed up.

Speaker 11:
[66:40] Was there any shit around it?

Speaker 1:
[66:41] She she she scraped it off. Yeah, she she shit into them. And yeah, I had to mine through it all. But I thought, what a waste. Like, if you're going to have fancy shit, just wear it. Because there is no special occasion. Every day is a special occasion. So I wear ridiculous things a lot.

Speaker 11:
[66:56] Yeah, I hear you. But maybe she was afraid of getting mugged. Yeah, that's true.

Speaker 1:
[67:00] But she lived in Marina Del Rey. Like, she wasn't. She wasn't.

Speaker 11:
[67:03] That's not going to happen.

Speaker 1:
[67:05] That's not going to happen. We weren't destitute.

Speaker 11:
[67:08] Yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 1:
[67:09] She was just paranoid Eastern European.

Speaker 11:
[67:10] That Marina Del Rey is such an interesting, weird. To me, like when I hear about people growing up there, it's kind of like Roosevelt Island. Like I know a guy who was born and raised Roosevelt Island, which is that little island in between Manhattan and Queens, Brooklyn, Queens. And, you know, they have a little tram there. You've seen it, you know.

Speaker 1:
[67:34] Is that where the Statue of Liberty lives?

Speaker 11:
[67:37] No.

Speaker 1:
[67:37] It's like one of the tiny islands. Wow. Yeah.

Speaker 11:
[67:41] Not just math.

Speaker 1:
[67:46] I've never heard of this place. It's, you will see.

Speaker 11:
[67:51] It's like that. So, yeah, you see that. It's a 59th Street Bridge. Gotcha. And so they have their own school system, hospital, all that stuff. And it's always, it's just one of those. But you have to take a tram to get there. It's just a weird, like, wow, you grew up there. You were a kid, you were a preteen, you were a teenager.

Speaker 9:
[68:14] What is that like?

Speaker 11:
[68:15] And that's, Marina Del Rey is such a strange.

Speaker 2:
[68:18] It's strange. You said you know a guy from there?

Speaker 11:
[68:20] Yeah.

Speaker 2:
[68:21] Did you, like, what's your assessment of him as someone who grew up there?

Speaker 11:
[68:24] Oh, he's awesome. He's one of the founders of Kickstarter.

Speaker 2:
[68:28] Oh. Wow.

Speaker 11:
[68:29] And he's great. He's a super cool guy. Really good morals and ethics. He's just a good, decent person.

Speaker 2:
[68:39] Nice.

Speaker 1:
[68:40] Yeah. Marina Del Rey is alarmingly boring, I would say.

Speaker 11:
[68:44] But it's like it's unto itself. It's got that weird because it's a little bit touristy for weird tourists.

Speaker 1:
[68:53] Yes.

Speaker 11:
[68:53] You know, I shouldn't say weird, but to go there as, you know, if you're in LA for whatever, you know, five, six, seven days and you make Marina Del Rey a stop, it's very strange.

Speaker 2:
[69:05] That's a strange choice.

Speaker 11:
[69:07] And just living there.

Speaker 2:
[69:08] Hollywood and Highland is where it's at, man. You want to go to LA and have a good fucking time. You got to go to Hollywood and Highland.

Speaker 1:
[69:13] Planet Hollywood.

Speaker 11:
[69:14] Yeah.

Speaker 1:
[69:15] Also, there's a cheesecake factory there that people really love in Marina Del Rey.

Speaker 11:
[69:19] Makes total sense.

Speaker 1:
[69:20] That's it.

Speaker 11:
[69:21] It feels like a place where a tier three rich people go.

Speaker 13:
[69:27] Yes.

Speaker 2:
[69:27] That's a really good idea.

Speaker 13:
[69:28] That's totally it.

Speaker 11:
[69:30] They have a boat. They don't have a massive boat. They have a boat and there's nothing wrong with that. Then they hang out there and they go to the cheesecake factory and they go back to their boat.

Speaker 1:
[69:39] You can live on your boat.

Speaker 11:
[69:40] You can live on your boat.

Speaker 1:
[69:41] I think people want to live on the boat. That's why they dock it in Marina Del Rey and then go to the cheesecake factory.

Speaker 11:
[69:45] It's just trippy. Because I've shot there a bunch. I'm arrested. We shot.

Speaker 1:
[69:49] Oh, really?

Speaker 11:
[69:49] We shot there all the time. And, you know, I lived near there, like Venice, Santa Monica, when I was working on the show and I, or my wife's, you know, who was then girlfriend's place in Venice. And, you know, you're always passing it. It's just never a place you would ever turn your car towards. You go in and go, and you just walk around and go, why? And there are tourists there.

Speaker 2:
[70:15] I feel like the only time I was really there was, there was always like a meeting, like offices, places had their headquarters or their offices there.

Speaker 11:
[70:22] Really?

Speaker 2:
[70:23] Yeah. Like there would always be like these, yeah, there's a couple like, you know, not like studio, like Paramount Studios, but like we have the VR place, the place that does the VFX for this. They all have like places in Marina Del Rey.

Speaker 1:
[70:39] I remember when you lived in Los Feliz a million years ago, and before I was a comedian and I was just a super fan, and I would see you at the coffee place.

Speaker 11:
[70:50] At the coffee place?

Speaker 1:
[70:50] Next door to the Electric Lotus.

Speaker 11:
[70:53] Oh yeah, the Onyx. The Onyx room, right?

Speaker 1:
[70:56] No, it's just a coffee place. I don't remember, but I remember being like, oh my God, Stephen Cross.

Speaker 11:
[71:01] Oh yeah, I lived, I only, until I moved away and then had to come back for work, I only lived in Los Feliz and Silver Lake. That was it.

Speaker 1:
[71:11] We were too, we were hardcore e-siders.

Speaker 11:
[71:13] Yeah.

Speaker 1:
[71:14] And then we had kids.

Speaker 11:
[71:14] Where did y'all live?

Speaker 2:
[71:15] We lived on Silver Lake Boulevard once and then I lived on Hyperion.

Speaker 11:
[71:20] Oh, right on. Yeah. Yeah, and it was one of the few, was that it? Onyx Lounge?

Speaker 1:
[71:26] No, it was next to the Electric Lotus Indian restaurant. It was a coffee, it wasn't that, it's just some shit coffee place.

Speaker 9:
[71:31] I thought that was the only.

Speaker 1:
[71:33] No, no mommy. It was some really independent, it was just a hole in the wall, literally like a long narrow building and I would walk through it and I'd be like, where's David Cross? Like writing jokes, you were just quietly to yourself.

Speaker 11:
[71:46] Oh, I thought it was a show. Weird.

Speaker 1:
[71:48] No, I think you were just writing, you were reading, you were doing your thing and I would never bother you, of course.

Speaker 2:
[71:55] Well, thanks for not bothering me.

Speaker 1:
[71:56] No worries. Do you remember Tim Tam when we lived in Silver Lake, we lived on Hyperion and you had to walk past the hardcore gay bar to go to Trader Joe's.

Speaker 2:
[72:04] Yeah, Rim Job Tuesdays, yeah.

Speaker 11:
[72:07] Wait, which, which, there are a couple of hardcore gays.

Speaker 2:
[72:09] Yeah, but MJ's had Rim Job Tuesdays on their sign.

Speaker 11:
[72:12] On the signage. Wait, where is this on Hyperion?

Speaker 2:
[72:15] So on the, on the, so on the right side, if you're walking, across from Gelses.

Speaker 11:
[72:19] Trying to go towards Rowena.

Speaker 2:
[72:20] Gelses is on the right, okay. So Atwater Village is behind me. Is behind you, yeah. So you're walking down, Gelses is on your right. On your left hand side, there's something, there's a cheese shop. Cheese shop. And then there's MJ's.

Speaker 11:
[72:31] Trader Joe's.

Speaker 2:
[72:32] Yeah, on the same side of the street as Trader Joe's. But before you would get to Trader Joe's.

Speaker 11:
[72:36] Oh, I don't know.

Speaker 2:
[72:37] There it is. Rim Job.

Speaker 1:
[72:38] Every fucking Tuesday.

Speaker 2:
[72:40] Every Tuesday. And then they had a picture of a guy's asshole behind the bar.

Speaker 11:
[72:43] Yeah. Oh my gosh, that is hardcore.

Speaker 1:
[72:46] Yeah, and then one time I met a friend for coffee there and there are signs in the restaurant, like, hey guys, don't fuck in here. Would you please not have sex in here?

Speaker 2:
[72:56] This is the place.

Speaker 11:
[72:56] Specifically, Todd. Todd.

Speaker 5:
[72:59] We know who did this.

Speaker 2:
[73:00] Todd and Bruce.

Speaker 1:
[73:02] Fuckin Bruce. Bruce is the gang's name.

Speaker 2:
[73:05] I just told this story yesterday that how, when they close, when MJ's close, that's when Brendan Walsh put up the sign that Silver Lake Gun Club is coming. And he put it up over there, like on the property, and then built a website. And so then locals would be like, we don't, and he had a phone number, so people would be like, we don't want a gun club here. And so he'd be like, too fucking bad, man. Like just to upset people.

Speaker 11:
[73:32] Oh my god, that's great. That's great.

Speaker 1:
[73:34] Yeah, rim job every fucking Tuesday. And it was so fun. There was always a line of dudes outside having the best time. I never heard of this place.

Speaker 11:
[73:43] I love a good, straight, friendly gay bar.

Speaker 2:
[73:46] Did you ever go to the gym that was on that street? Right down the street, Body Builders Gym? It was old school gym.

Speaker 11:
[73:52] That's a different kind of experience with gay men that I am looking for.

Speaker 2:
[73:57] Well, there were straights and gays there, but the smell was gay. And by that, I mean intense BO everywhere. And everyone would be like, that's fucking right. I smell. You like that? And you're like, dude, come on, man.

Speaker 11:
[74:14] I wouldn't say that.

Speaker 2:
[74:15] You had to.

Speaker 11:
[74:16] That's the last thing I would say.

Speaker 2:
[74:18] It was intense, bro.

Speaker 1:
[74:19] Because there were bears.

Speaker 2:
[74:20] They were building their musk.

Speaker 1:
[74:21] Building their musk.

Speaker 2:
[74:22] Yeah.

Speaker 11:
[74:23] Yeah. No, that's not my.

Speaker 1:
[74:24] What do you mean that's not your?

Speaker 11:
[74:26] That's just not, you know, not anymore.

Speaker 2:
[74:28] Yeah.

Speaker 11:
[74:29] You know, I got a kid now. I got to.

Speaker 2:
[74:33] You getting a massage today? You're like, what? Mike's here. He's fucking amazing.

Speaker 1:
[74:38] I know.

Speaker 9:
[74:39] Are you done with the machine?

Speaker 1:
[74:41] They loved you at that place, though. You had a lot of fans.

Speaker 11:
[74:45] Oh, yeah. I bet. Yeah. You got bear. You got a bear look.

Speaker 8:
[74:48] You too.

Speaker 11:
[74:48] Because I get the same thing. Oh, for sure.

Speaker 8:
[74:50] Yeah.

Speaker 11:
[74:50] And I have, I still get the occasional person who's disappointed that I'm not gay. I still do. Like somebody like, oh, you're not, I thought for sure. No?

Speaker 2:
[75:04] For sure.

Speaker 11:
[75:05] I thought we were going to get to, all right, you know. What a bummer. Yeah, you must get that.

Speaker 2:
[75:11] I've had it a few times. I've also never ever received a message from a woman ever that was aggressive in a sexual sense. That's what I have from men. Yeah. Like I've opened my.

Speaker 11:
[75:24] It's because men are more honest.

Speaker 2:
[75:25] Yeah, men are just like, bro, you love to fucking put my face in your asshole. You're like, okay.

Speaker 1:
[75:30] You never got messages like that?

Speaker 11:
[75:33] No, but I'm not talking like DM, stuff like that. I'm talking about like personal interactions. Oh, face to face. I'm never on social media. Yeah. I got rid of it back in, I can't remember, but it was good.

Speaker 2:
[75:46] Is it freeing? Feels good?

Speaker 11:
[75:47] Yeah.

Speaker 1:
[75:48] You don't even like TikTok?

Speaker 11:
[75:50] Hold on. No. I'm not saying I don't like it. I just don't.

Speaker 1:
[75:53] Maybe you haven't seen the right kind.

Speaker 11:
[75:55] I'm sure I would. Occasionally, my wife will send me some stuff on Instagram. Yeah. I'll go, God damn it. Because I know that the rest of my free time is, I'm going to look at the thing. Yeah, of course. I'm going to go, you know what? Those dogs. Look at those dogs and then scroll.

Speaker 2:
[76:13] This is a perfect time. Would you throw those on for a moment so that we can give you a taste of what you're missing?

Speaker 1:
[76:17] So, just so you know, David, I like to collect, I curate TikToks. But I like-

Speaker 11:
[76:24] That's what you sound like. That's what I said. Okay. All right. Yeah. This is new.

Speaker 1:
[76:29] I curate TikToks, but I like to highlight the marginalized communities, people that don't normally get represented. So I don't get your traditional dance videos and things of that nature. So there you go.

Speaker 2:
[76:40] Okay.

Speaker 1:
[76:40] I mean, being as like you're the king of alternative, I just thought this would be pretty cool for you.

Speaker 2:
[76:46] Okay.

Speaker 11:
[76:47] Am I going to listen or look?

Speaker 1:
[76:48] No, you're going to watch.

Speaker 7:
[76:49] Guys, I love anal sex as much as the next guy. But I just crush and butthole.

Speaker 12:
[76:56] Like, I can.

Speaker 7:
[76:57] I'm 47 years old. I'm 5'3.

Speaker 1:
[76:59] Yeah.

Speaker 7:
[77:00] 165 pounds.

Speaker 11:
[77:02] Patton and Tom Segura had a baby.

Speaker 1:
[77:04] Yeah. Totally.

Speaker 11:
[77:06] Holy shit.

Speaker 2:
[77:06] It's very similar.

Speaker 1:
[77:07] Oh my God.

Speaker 11:
[77:08] So what is he? Is he looking for?

Speaker 2:
[77:13] I think he's just informing the audience.

Speaker 1:
[77:15] He's letting you know that even though he's 5'3, 47, he can butt hard.

Speaker 7:
[77:20] Throw it down. Powerful hip thrust.

Speaker 11:
[77:34] Oh, this is a joke.

Speaker 1:
[77:36] No.

Speaker 7:
[77:36] Come on. So I shut the back of the room keys. I engineered that to be a certified hole polisher. So here's what you do. You go to the link tree in my bio.

Speaker 1:
[77:46] I read that. It's a plug. But he does love butt pounding. And his whole account is dedicated to telling you.

Speaker 2:
[77:53] That's pretty cool. Yeah.

Speaker 1:
[77:55] And he does sell t-shirts about butt sexing and stuff too.

Speaker 11:
[77:58] Oh, I want to see one of those t-shirts. I'll get one of those.

Speaker 2:
[78:01] That's a great idea.

Speaker 11:
[78:02] Right?

Speaker 2:
[78:03] Actually, you know what, you guys just take care of it. Don't even, just take care of it. Order it for us, please.

Speaker 1:
[78:07] There's some merch, David.

Speaker 9:
[78:09] Oh, no!

Speaker 2:
[78:12] No! Oh, no! What is that? You got tattoos. You don't like tats?

Speaker 11:
[78:19] What is he doing?

Speaker 1:
[78:21] It's art. It's just he's filling it in, man. I don't know if it's real, though. I feel like that's not real.

Speaker 9:
[78:26] Really? That's real?

Speaker 1:
[78:27] It doesn't look real.

Speaker 9:
[78:28] Wait a minute.

Speaker 1:
[78:29] I don't think that's real.

Speaker 9:
[78:30] No. What the? Hang on.

Speaker 10:
[78:34] Oh, come on.

Speaker 9:
[78:35] No, but it's, it's, um.

Speaker 1:
[78:36] You think it's real?

Speaker 11:
[78:39] Look, it's not ink. I mean, it's not tattoo ink.

Speaker 2:
[78:42] Oh, okay.

Speaker 1:
[78:42] What is it? Is this paint?

Speaker 2:
[78:44] So he's pulling our leg.

Speaker 1:
[78:45] He's pulling your leg. Okay.

Speaker 11:
[78:47] Oh, God.

Speaker 1:
[78:47] But I like the effect. I mean, it freaked you out, which is nice.

Speaker 11:
[78:50] Yeah, I didn't like that at all.

Speaker 2:
[78:51] That was kind of crazy.

Speaker 1:
[78:51] Yeah, it's cool.

Speaker 2:
[78:55] That's a crazy flip.

Speaker 9:
[78:55] Oh, Jesus.

Speaker 11:
[79:00] This is why I fly to Austin and come on this show. Catch up on all this.

Speaker 9:
[79:04] Let's see.

Speaker 1:
[79:07] What's gonna happen?

Speaker 11:
[79:09] Ouch. Okay.

Speaker 1:
[79:10] Oh!

Speaker 2:
[79:11] Oh, Jesus.

Speaker 11:
[79:12] I love it. Christine, this is your collection? Yeah.

Speaker 1:
[79:18] I curate these. Yeah.

Speaker 11:
[79:19] And where do you get them from?

Speaker 1:
[79:21] Just my algorithm is so, so finely tuned.

Speaker 10:
[79:26] Yeah.

Speaker 1:
[79:26] I can't even get normal talks.

Speaker 10:
[79:28] Yeah.

Speaker 1:
[79:28] I won't even give it to me. Oh, this guy.

Speaker 10:
[79:31] So I don't worry about walking around alone.

Speaker 1:
[79:33] Teenager. I'm 37. I don't think so. So this guy was making all these talks. He's like, 17 year old model. I'm actually 37, but I look 17. And I think he just got into some legal trouble. Can you look it up, Josh? But his whole thing, I mean, for like a year, he's like, I look 17.

Speaker 2:
[79:54] I know I look young.

Speaker 11:
[79:55] Yeah. Look at those choppers. Those are not real. Oh yeah, he's older.

Speaker 2:
[80:03] Yeah. He's a model, it says, a 36 year old model.

Speaker 11:
[80:09] Yeah.

Speaker 2:
[80:09] Yeah.

Speaker 11:
[80:11] He's the kind of guy, and I'm just going off of looks, okay? I don't know personality. I don't know who this person is, but he looks like the kind of guy that you would see wandering around like Tompkins Square or whatever the equivalent is here in Austin, but who would be emaciated and completely fucked up, all in black and like open sores and be going, I'm fucking fabulous.

Speaker 2:
[80:44] Yeah.

Speaker 11:
[80:45] I'm fabulous.

Speaker 2:
[80:47] You'd be surprised to know I'm not 17. You're like, I'm not actually very surprised. I actually believe you.

Speaker 11:
[80:52] I don't think you're fabulous.

Speaker 1:
[80:53] That is such a specific. Yeah. That's so specific, that type.

Speaker 11:
[80:59] Yes.

Speaker 1:
[80:59] Wow, you really nailed that.

Speaker 11:
[81:01] And they walk around, they tell you how fabulous they are in their life. And I don't think so.

Speaker 2:
[81:06] Oh, no.

Speaker 11:
[81:07] You don't look. But see the picture on the right. Now, do people watch this podcast? So they don't know what we're talking about?

Speaker 2:
[81:15] No, they know what we're seeing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like they'll see that on the top left there.

Speaker 1:
[81:20] I don't think he's 30.

Speaker 11:
[81:22] But you would have to be listening. I mean, you don't have to be watching.

Speaker 2:
[81:25] Correct. Yeah, but people will. Okay, theater of the mind. Yeah. Oh, nice.

Speaker 1:
[81:32] Maybe your wife, maybe Amber would be interested in this product.

Speaker 2:
[81:36] I want you to come home with a present for her.

Speaker 1:
[81:42] Eyebrows are hard to draw in.

Speaker 11:
[81:48] I'm just waiting for the end for her to remove it.

Speaker 2:
[81:50] It's gonna look good, dude. It's gonna look really good.

Speaker 9:
[81:53] You're gonna like the way this looks.

Speaker 2:
[81:55] The thing is that it looks natural, which is what you want.

Speaker 11:
[81:58] Oh dear.

Speaker 1:
[81:59] Oh, it's beautiful.

Speaker 11:
[82:01] Who needs an arch? She just made herself less feminine.

Speaker 2:
[82:04] Pretty cool.

Speaker 11:
[82:05] Yeah.

Speaker 1:
[82:06] Well, I like straight across for the eyebrows. You don't want...

Speaker 2:
[82:10] You don't want like a curve to it.

Speaker 9:
[82:11] Curve, straight across.

Speaker 11:
[82:13] And she's going over her natural eyebrow, which you can still see, so not a good idea.

Speaker 1:
[82:18] That's true, you should shave your reels first.

Speaker 2:
[82:20] Isn't that how cartoon characters are sometimes drawn? Just like the straight brow. Yeah.

Speaker 1:
[82:24] Yeah.

Speaker 2:
[82:29] What's going on here?

Speaker 10:
[82:30] I don't know.

Speaker 11:
[82:31] We're in...

Speaker 10:
[82:32] This one would be in Bangkok or somewhere.

Speaker 9:
[82:34] Oh, oh, oh.

Speaker 11:
[82:35] Oh, that's terrible.

Speaker 2:
[82:37] Well, that's bad, but...

Speaker 11:
[82:38] Yeah, I don't like those.

Speaker 2:
[82:39] I know, but we just checked and...

Speaker 11:
[82:41] I don't like those. I don't like to see that.

Speaker 2:
[82:43] We checked. We checked. He's okay. He is okay.

Speaker 11:
[82:47] I don't like... I mean, I really don't like to see... I know. If a guy, like the guy who gets hit, who goes into the car, that's on him.

Speaker 2:
[82:54] Yeah.

Speaker 1:
[82:55] Yeah.

Speaker 11:
[82:56] This I don't like.

Speaker 2:
[83:00] Doing a... Oh, the wheel is gonna end bad.

Speaker 11:
[83:03] No.

Speaker 2:
[83:03] Yeah, it's gonna end real bad.

Speaker 1:
[83:06] I don't like it already.

Speaker 2:
[83:07] Oh, he's got the wobblies. But he's okay. He's okay. He's all right.

Speaker 11:
[83:15] These two teeth are part plastic because when I was third grade, I had a chipper, which was like the chopper bike, but for little kids. And I was going down a very steep hill with my friends and that happened to my, the wheel, the front wheel went and then just locked and I sprung and I landed on my face. Yeah. And then a neighbor had to carry me up to back to my house and my mom was on the phone and I remember this, you know, like old, old phone from the wall with a little cord, like, you know, and then screaming. And then, yeah, I had these.

Speaker 2:
[83:59] Did it go straight to the hospital? Is that where you go for that? Or no, I don't know.

Speaker 1:
[84:04] You had them, you said, made out of plastic.

Speaker 11:
[84:06] They were, they're like bonded. They're like stuff that goes on every once in a while, maybe seven, eight years, eight, nine years. They just.

Speaker 2:
[84:16] Have you ever thought about getting a perfect smile?

Speaker 11:
[84:18] I have, I have fucked up teeth.

Speaker 2:
[84:21] Well, we have the perfect smile. We could probably, we could order it for you.

Speaker 11:
[84:26] Is that a cue?

Speaker 2:
[84:27] No, it's just that they'll, I know that we.

Speaker 11:
[84:29] Is that a sponsor?

Speaker 2:
[84:30] Not a sponsor. Not, we're just, we're fans. Yeah.

Speaker 11:
[84:33] What is a perfect smile?

Speaker 2:
[84:34] Well, they'll pull it up. The perfect smile is something that can really change the way you feel and the way you look and you just snap it in.

Speaker 11:
[84:44] You should be a spokesman.

Speaker 2:
[84:45] Yeah.

Speaker 11:
[84:45] It's very. Oh no. Oh, those go over your teeth.

Speaker 2:
[84:49] Yeah, it's $14.

Speaker 9:
[84:51] Oh, well, maybe.

Speaker 2:
[84:52] Wouldn't you like to wear that?

Speaker 1:
[84:53] You got to see them in action.

Speaker 11:
[84:55] Do I have to hold my fucking cheeks out like this?

Speaker 2:
[84:59] What you can't do is talk or eat with them in, but you can do everything else.

Speaker 11:
[85:03] But I can still scroll TikTok. You can definitely be getting them.

Speaker 2:
[85:07] Scroll. I mean, look at that.

Speaker 11:
[85:08] It's so natural.

Speaker 1:
[85:09] So natural, so white.

Speaker 2:
[85:11] Yeah.

Speaker 11:
[85:11] Yeah.

Speaker 2:
[85:11] If you can find that Perfect Smile commercial, it's really great.

Speaker 1:
[85:14] And what's really cool about that product is they tell you to put them in hot water and then glue them to your actual teeth, which sounds like good advice. Just glue them on there.

Speaker 11:
[85:26] Yeah. $14 is what.

Speaker 2:
[85:28] It's a good deal.

Speaker 11:
[85:29] It's a really good deal, but I would rather pay $80. Just it would make me feel better if it was the exact same product.

Speaker 2:
[85:38] And it's like it's more, yeah. I know.

Speaker 11:
[85:41] Here you go.

Speaker 2:
[85:42] You're like, $14 for my teeth?

Speaker 3:
[85:47] Just about your broken, crooked and missing teeth. You hide your smile because you're ashamed of unsightly gaps and cracks.

Speaker 11:
[85:55] Are they just now finding out what they look like? Those are, sorry, but those are real. The ones they just showed. Oh my goodness. This is like late night infomercial vibes.

Speaker 1:
[86:20] And the problem too with the Perfect Smile is that the gums are bright red. So that you look infected and inflamed.

Speaker 11:
[86:27] Oh my god, that's a bad idea.

Speaker 2:
[86:28] You have nice teeth and you have gum disease.

Speaker 11:
[86:30] That is the most redneck shit I've ever seen.

Speaker 2:
[86:33] It's the Perfect Smile.

Speaker 1:
[86:33] It's the Perfect Smile. Yeah.

Speaker 9:
[86:36] I, because, oh no.

Speaker 8:
[86:38] Whatever happens this week will not destroy your life.

Speaker 3:
[86:41] Seriously.

Speaker 1:
[86:42] Not true.

Speaker 11:
[86:42] Whatever the bad thing is that you're worried about, you are strong enough to get through it.

Speaker 8:
[86:46] You are gonna get through it.

Speaker 1:
[86:47] No.

Speaker 3:
[86:47] And you can move on with your life.

Speaker 1:
[86:49] This person hasn't lived.

Speaker 8:
[86:50] You'll be okay. You got this.

Speaker 11:
[86:51] You'll have a good week.

Speaker 3:
[86:52] Thanks. Now go have a wonderful day and I look forward to hearing about it.

Speaker 11:
[86:56] Thanks, furry.

Speaker 8:
[86:57] Yeah.

Speaker 3:
[86:57] That's pretty neat.

Speaker 1:
[86:58] How do you feel about furries?

Speaker 11:
[87:00] I'm very much a... As long as it doesn't affect me, you can do whatever you want. You can be, say, feel, whatever you want. As long as it doesn't... And nothing would. But I still think, man, that's kind of fucked up. You know what I mean? I have the same reaction that most people would, but I'm also very much like, hey, man, do...

Speaker 2:
[87:29] It's sort of like when someone's into shit play, and they're like, I like someone to shit on me, and you're like, that's fine, but what's going on for real? Why?

Speaker 1:
[87:36] But I feel like that opinion has been lost. It's a very nuanced way of being where you go, hey, man, you're still fucking mentally ill, but I'm not going to stop you from being nutty.

Speaker 11:
[87:48] I just, it's so unappealing, it becomes very curious, right? Like, I actually have started this, I don't want to say it, because I'm working on it, but a bit about bestiality, and the, you know, sure, on paper, it's, it feels like that's not cool, but, you know, has anybody really checked with the animals?

Speaker 2:
[88:20] Right.

Speaker 11:
[88:20] Right?

Speaker 2:
[88:21] Yeah.

Speaker 11:
[88:23] There's, there's so much of that, like the other thing, rule 34, you know, rule 34, it's that, I'm paraphrasing it, but like anything is acceptable in porn. Like, like I think it applies to cartoon, like when you see Bart Simpson or the Family Guy lady and she's, you know, fucking, can I say that?

Speaker 10:
[88:55] Yeah, you can say that.

Speaker 11:
[88:58] That's rule 34.

Speaker 1:
[88:59] Okay.

Speaker 2:
[89:00] Okay. Pull it up! Pull it up, pull it up. Come on, guys, you got the, You got the machine thing?

Speaker 1:
[89:06] Yeah. Oh, rule 34, you're right. Yeah.

Speaker 11:
[89:11] And and it's all the, that stuff to me is like, wow, that's not appealing. But and that's like kind of the furry thing, right? Or the you know what?

Speaker 1:
[89:23] You know what? It's bothersome to me is to take things that you liked as a child.

Speaker 11:
[89:26] Oh, there it is. There is a porn of it. No exceptions.

Speaker 2:
[89:29] Yeah, that's rule 34.

Speaker 11:
[89:31] Yeah. There's a porn version that's appealing to somebody.

Speaker 2:
[89:38] Of that thing.

Speaker 11:
[89:38] That is a thing.

Speaker 2:
[89:39] Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. There's always a cool porn out there, whatever you want. It exists.

Speaker 11:
[89:45] There is a magazine that I, there's a place on Seventh Street that used to have all these international crazy, not you know, just catering to every fetish and whatever. Also like political magazines and all this stuff. And I got, my mom had, I can't remember what it was, but some, something that she had to go, like an elective surgery or whatever. She had to go to the hospital and she was in the hospital room for, a private room for like two or three days. And I got all these magazines and put them out of her reach. So I got a, there's a magazine called Sploosh or Splosh or something like that. It was British, you know, women who, uh-oh, I dropped a thing of oatmeal on me. And that was the whole thing. It's like, uh, uh.

Speaker 2:
[90:43] You got that for your mom?

Speaker 11:
[90:44] So I put it, but I put it on this dresser that was like across from her bed. And she was kind of, you know, had to stay in the bed. And like these lesbian magazines and the communist worker magazine I got on these. And she was so, she was so unhappy with me. Like, David, take those, take those away. All right, Mom, I got to go. I got to go back to New York. Bye. Yeah.

Speaker 2:
[91:07] It's nothing more fun than torturing a mother.

Speaker 11:
[91:10] But also to go and to see like, wow, and the poorest quality just.

Speaker 2:
[91:15] Yeah.

Speaker 11:
[91:16] Really? Yeah.

Speaker 1:
[91:16] Why didn't they? No production value.

Speaker 11:
[91:18] No production value.

Speaker 1:
[91:20] Why do the Brits love that? The Brits are really into S&N, like spanking and splashing. It's so funny.

Speaker 11:
[91:28] The they're yeah, the Brit was a British magazine. Sploosh or Splosh. Yeah, I love that shit. But they also did dogging.

Speaker 1:
[91:36] What's that?

Speaker 11:
[91:37] That's where you go, where somebody goes in in a car like you go to like a field, right? You bring in, you drive there and then you fuck somebody. And then you go around, like strangers will go around and jerk off while they're watching you.

Speaker 2:
[91:56] Oh, that's kind of nice.

Speaker 1:
[91:57] That is nice.

Speaker 11:
[91:58] It's sweet. It's community.

Speaker 9:
[91:58] It's community. Yeah.

Speaker 11:
[92:00] Dogging. Yeah. British England, British slang term for gauges and watching others doing so. There you go. Yeah.

Speaker 1:
[92:10] That seems harmless.

Speaker 11:
[92:12] No, it's fun. Yeah. And again, again, nobody. What?

Speaker 2:
[92:16] There's a panther in the house.

Speaker 11:
[92:18] Holy shit.

Speaker 2:
[92:19] The Ruskies and some of the Middle Easterners will do this.

Speaker 1:
[92:22] Arabs love this shit. Yeah.

Speaker 11:
[92:23] There you go.

Speaker 2:
[92:24] They'll have like a bobcat.

Speaker 1:
[92:25] And those are nice lace curtains, by the way. My nana had those in her apartment in Hungary, too.

Speaker 11:
[92:31] No, my great grandfather had a black panther.

Speaker 1:
[92:35] No.

Speaker 11:
[92:36] No, he didn't. He did not. In Leeds, England.

Speaker 2:
[92:41] Oh my God.

Speaker 11:
[92:43] Yeah.

Speaker 1:
[92:43] How come the English don't do this? This is specifically Eastern Blogger. This is very cultural.

Speaker 11:
[92:48] Well, they're more sophisticated. Yeah.

Speaker 1:
[92:50] They're European.

Speaker 2:
[92:51] And I think that's why they want the BDSM. There's such a...

Speaker 11:
[92:55] I didn't know. I didn't know that was... I thought that was more like German. Oh, yeah.

Speaker 5:
[93:00] I...

Speaker 2:
[93:00] I don't know. Maybe you're right.

Speaker 11:
[93:01] I don't think it's British. I know... I know dogging and... and splooshing or splash, whatever it is.

Speaker 1:
[93:08] Sploosh.

Speaker 11:
[93:09] I think it's sploosh. And...

Speaker 1:
[93:12] But there are all these flyers in the 90s when I lived in England for Dominatrixes and Get Spanked.

Speaker 11:
[93:18] in the... in the... phone box.

Speaker 1:
[93:21] Phone booth. Yes. And I was like, is this really... It wasn't just straight up hookers. It was very specific. It was always Get Spanked, Madame so-and-so will punish you.

Speaker 11:
[93:31] We know who's way, way into BDSM is the Hasidic community. No. Yes, absolutely.

Speaker 5:
[93:40] I'm not joking.

Speaker 1:
[93:40] How do you know that?

Speaker 11:
[93:41] Because I know a Dominatrix... You know Dino Stamatopoulos?

Speaker 1:
[93:44] No.

Speaker 5:
[93:44] No?

Speaker 11:
[93:46] So I knew... He was married to a Dominatrix for quite a while. And she, who's British, interestingly, she used to work in the East Village, Lower East Side, and the bulk of her and I met her friends and, you know, and that was her job. That was her work. And it was not a, you know, it wasn't a taboo or anything. She would just talk about it like, yeah, this is, you know, I had this client today. And a lot of their clients were Hasidim for real. For real, yeah. And I had heard that before or after at some point.

Speaker 2:
[94:27] But doesn't that make sense when somebody lives like more strictly by a court?

Speaker 11:
[94:32] yeah. Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2:
[94:32] So they want to release.

Speaker 11:
[94:33] Well, that's the same thing as like the latent homosexuals in the Christian community.

Speaker 1:
[94:38] Oh my God, we were just talking about that. Like the priest, I mean, not the priest, or the, the politician or the pastor who's anti-gay.

Speaker 11:
[94:46] Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1:
[94:46] And he gets busted for that.

Speaker 11:
[94:47] Yeah, all the time.

Speaker 2:
[94:48] All the time. Yeah.

Speaker 11:
[94:50] And so, yeah, if you live in that kind of restrictive.

Speaker 2:
[94:55] Yeah.

Speaker 11:
[94:56] All the more reason to be like, hey man, you do what you want to do, just don't affect me or my family.

Speaker 1:
[95:01] Oh, for sure. Go do that weird shit.

Speaker 2:
[95:03] Do y'all gay stuff if you want. If you want to be friends with Satan. Oh, that's pretty cool, Christine.

Speaker 9:
[95:11] Oh, I mean, this is us.

Speaker 2:
[95:15] Oh, wow.

Speaker 1:
[95:16] I mean, you've never seen that before, though, right?

Speaker 2:
[95:18] Nope. And you sure you don't want TikTok?

Speaker 1:
[95:22] I can send these to you if you want.

Speaker 11:
[95:23] Oh, and the eyes, he did his eyes too.

Speaker 1:
[95:26] Yeah.

Speaker 2:
[95:26] Interesting.

Speaker 1:
[95:28] Yep.

Speaker 11:
[95:30] God, man, the amount of, I can't imagine the regret if you do regret it later, of like, where?

Speaker 2:
[95:39] Where do you see it? Where's the potential regret?

Speaker 11:
[95:43] Just the eyes. I think everything else, yeah. Pretty solid. I mean, the mustard ketchup thing is pretty cool.

Speaker 2:
[95:49] So convenient.

Speaker 11:
[95:50] It is convenient.

Speaker 2:
[95:51] Yeah.

Speaker 11:
[95:52] I mean, are you tired of having to constantly dip your fry?

Speaker 2:
[95:57] In front of you. It's so awful. It's fucking amazing.

Speaker 1:
[96:03] And then he split his tongue on top of it.

Speaker 11:
[96:06] What do you think came first?

Speaker 1:
[96:08] Wow, you're really...

Speaker 11:
[96:10] Tongue split.

Speaker 2:
[96:11] Tongue first. Yeah, tongue first.

Speaker 1:
[96:12] No, the ears first, okay?

Speaker 2:
[96:13] Oh, right.

Speaker 1:
[96:14] The plugs and that horseshit. He's got to stretch out his lip. And then he's like, you know what?

Speaker 2:
[96:18] The nose is bold, though.

Speaker 1:
[96:19] I got into the tongue. And then he was like...

Speaker 11:
[96:23] Eyes?

Speaker 1:
[96:24] I think eyes and then the nose. And then, but how did he connect that he could find containers?

Speaker 2:
[96:29] All this, though, is just him being like, fuck you, dad.

Speaker 1:
[96:33] Yes, without question.

Speaker 11:
[96:35] Or just trying to get his dad's approval.

Speaker 2:
[96:37] Yeah, yeah, what do you think now?

Speaker 11:
[96:40] Yeah. But his dad was, you know, was a carny.

Speaker 2:
[96:43] Yeah.

Speaker 11:
[96:44] And he never got his...

Speaker 1:
[96:46] Oh, look, and he's got a horn in his forehead, too. So he's had that implant.

Speaker 2:
[96:50] Oh. Yeah.

Speaker 1:
[96:51] So much.

Speaker 2:
[96:52] Body mod. Fucking awesome, man. This guy's rad. Got one more here, I think. What's your big closer?

Speaker 13:
[96:59] Oh my gosh, forgot her bonnet.

Speaker 2:
[97:01] Oh no.

Speaker 13:
[97:03] This is why I wear bonnets. The first reason is that I like them.

Speaker 2:
[97:08] That is a good reason.

Speaker 13:
[97:09] But they also serve quite a few functions for me that might not be obvious. I live with a severe sound sensitivity called hyperacusis. I rarely leave the house, but when I do, I need to wear things that protect my sensitive ears. Ear plugs are easily hidden with bonnets. So, when I wear a bonnet, you can't tell that I have hearing protection underneath me.

Speaker 11:
[97:27] God, Lena Dunham has really.

Speaker 13:
[97:29] When I'm wearing a normal hat.

Speaker 11:
[97:30] Really.

Speaker 13:
[97:31] And that's okay. It's just not my preference for that to be seen. If I'm not wearing earplugs, I'm wearing noise canceling headphones, which slip really nicely over my bonnets. But with hats, they aren't quite as effective, and they need little gaps.

Speaker 2:
[97:43] This is a long explanation for sake.

Speaker 11:
[97:48] Also, don't, don't chickens make noise?

Speaker 2:
[97:54] I would think.

Speaker 9:
[97:55] All day.

Speaker 2:
[97:56] All day.

Speaker 9:
[97:56] All times.

Speaker 11:
[97:56] I would think. Rabbits don't make noise.

Speaker 2:
[98:00] That's right.

Speaker 11:
[98:02] I mean, there are other things to get.

Speaker 2:
[98:04] What if in the second half of this video, she goes, and that's why I ripped the vocal cords out of all my chickens. With my bare hands. Fucking A.

Speaker 11:
[98:14] And do you think she really has hypercook poof spices?

Speaker 2:
[98:18] No, I don't think so. I think that's just one of those. I have a condition.

Speaker 11:
[98:22] Is that, look behind her. That's a fucking blender, isn't it?

Speaker 2:
[98:27] Yeah.

Speaker 11:
[98:28] Wait, hang on.

Speaker 2:
[98:29] I'm going to...

Speaker 11:
[98:31] That's a fucking blender.

Speaker 2:
[98:33] She's making cakes and shit.

Speaker 1:
[98:35] It's a loud life.

Speaker 9:
[98:36] She's making loud cakes.

Speaker 2:
[98:38] Yeah, loud ass cakes.

Speaker 11:
[98:40] Cakes with chickens running around.

Speaker 2:
[98:42] No one's buying your story, ma'am. A hyper, get the fuck out of here.

Speaker 8:
[98:47] Back on the bed just so I can stroke your head. If you want me to stop, I can't understand. I will be gentle.

Speaker 2:
[98:58] This is in her feed. You understand that, right?

Speaker 11:
[99:00] Yeah. Why? What is, what's happening?

Speaker 1:
[99:04] Do you feel, look, he's trying to romance you, dude. Let it, let him romance you.

Speaker 8:
[99:09] Two hands.

Speaker 1:
[99:11] Don't you feel seduced?

Speaker 11:
[99:13] Lay you back on the bed. He's, okay, he's telling us what he'd do with both of his hands. Or no, he has more than two, but what he's going to do with two of them.

Speaker 2:
[99:22] Two of them.

Speaker 11:
[99:23] Yeah.

Speaker 13:
[99:26] Lay you back on the bed.

Speaker 2:
[99:27] You ever see this guy at a show?

Speaker 13:
[99:28] Just so I can stroke your head.

Speaker 1:
[99:32] If you want me to stop, I can understand. I will be gentle with my two hands.

Speaker 2:
[99:36] Yeah.

Speaker 9:
[99:38] My two hands, oh, my two hands.

Speaker 11:
[99:46] Okay.

Speaker 2:
[99:47] Wow. What a nice way to fucking wrap things up. The Two Hands song. That was so cool.

Speaker 1:
[99:52] But I want him to stroke my head. You know I like having head scratchies. Yeah.

Speaker 2:
[99:55] Of course, who doesn't like head scratchies?

Speaker 1:
[99:56] It's my favorite.

Speaker 2:
[99:57] Absolutely.

Speaker 7:
[99:58] I'd let him scratch my head.

Speaker 2:
[100:00] David Cross has a new special. It's The End Of The Beginning Of The End. It is out now on YouTube. We here at YMH Studios produced it. We're going to be doing it along with some other friends, but let's talk about us. You can watch right now. You're hilarious as always. Thank you for coming by. Thank you for letting us work with you.

Speaker 11:
[100:16] My pleasure.

Speaker 2:
[100:17] It was a pleasure. Yeah. I can't wait for you to come back. I hope you come back soon, man. Yeah. See you guys next week.

Speaker 1:
[100:23] Bye, mommies.