transcript

Speaker 1:
[00:28] What's that you're wearing? It smells like white lotus or something.

Speaker 2:
[00:32] That's my hair oil.

Speaker 3:
[00:34] Oh, you should get him some.

Speaker 1:
[00:35] I haven't heard that term in a long time.

Speaker 4:
[00:37] Really? My hair oil?

Speaker 1:
[00:38] No, that's my hair oil.

Speaker 4:
[00:39] Oh, really? Who did you hear that from before in the past?

Speaker 1:
[00:43] I don't know. I think I heard it.

Speaker 4:
[00:45] Your grandmother.

Speaker 1:
[00:46] No, no, it was the Shell Station in Bakersfield.

Speaker 4:
[00:49] Oh, I see. Was she working behind the counter?

Speaker 1:
[00:51] I don't know.

Speaker 4:
[00:52] Yeah, you don't know anything.

Speaker 1:
[00:54] I don't know much.

Speaker 4:
[00:54] I know.

Speaker 1:
[00:55] Does it smell good to you? What?

Speaker 4:
[00:56] Does it smell good to you?

Speaker 1:
[00:57] It smells good, yeah.

Speaker 4:
[00:58] Yeah, yeah. It's her product she created.

Speaker 1:
[01:01] You created a product?

Speaker 4:
[01:02] Yeah.

Speaker 2:
[01:02] Sesafora. Do you want one?

Speaker 1:
[01:04] Sesafora?

Speaker 2:
[01:05] Sesafora.

Speaker 1:
[01:07] What did she say?

Speaker 4:
[01:07] Sesafora. Sesafora.

Speaker 1:
[01:09] It's pronounced Saffora.

Speaker 4:
[01:10] Oh, it is?

Speaker 1:
[01:11] Yeah, it's already a big company.

Speaker 4:
[01:13] All right, I didn't know that.

Speaker 1:
[01:14] They sell make up all over North America.

Speaker 4:
[01:17] America.

Speaker 1:
[01:18] North America.

Speaker 4:
[01:18] Yep.

Speaker 2:
[01:20] Whole world.

Speaker 4:
[01:21] Your eyes.

Speaker 1:
[01:24] Say it.

Speaker 4:
[01:26] Your eyes.

Speaker 2:
[01:27] Get the hair oil, hair oil. That's not the hair oil.

Speaker 1:
[01:30] Don't leave my eyes hanging. I'm seducing the camera. You said your eye, and then you just left it, and I'm doing this.

Speaker 4:
[01:37] Yeah, yeah, yeah. I want you to keep doing it.

Speaker 1:
[01:39] I am, but you just like left it.

Speaker 4:
[01:40] Your eyes are blue as the wind.

Speaker 2:
[01:44] Oh, bless you.

Speaker 4:
[01:45] I wrecked it. You fucking wrecked it, dude.

Speaker 1:
[01:47] I'm seducing, I'm seducing.

Speaker 4:
[01:49] Are you being real right now, dude?

Speaker 5:
[01:51] Yeah, I'm being.

Speaker 4:
[01:51] Are you being absolutely real right now, dude?

Speaker 5:
[01:53] Can I get a bless you?

Speaker 4:
[01:54] Bless you.

Speaker 2:
[01:55] I did, I gave you one.

Speaker 4:
[01:56] Yeah, bless you.

Speaker 1:
[01:57] No, I'm seducing six cameras, and I get like a SARS sneeze.

Speaker 4:
[02:00] Yeah, yeah, yeah. You got a, there was more bird flu?

Speaker 1:
[02:03] Yeah.

Speaker 4:
[02:03] Yeah, it was a bird flu, yeah.

Speaker 1:
[02:05] Could we do it again without the infection?

Speaker 4:
[02:07] I really can't.

Speaker 1:
[02:08] Well, what about what I want? Not what you want.

Speaker 4:
[02:11] I'll try it again.

Speaker 1:
[02:12] Thanks, that's all I asked.

Speaker 4:
[02:17] Your nose.

Speaker 1:
[02:18] Eyes.

Speaker 4:
[02:19] I want to go nose.

Speaker 1:
[02:20] I don't do nose.

Speaker 4:
[02:23] You don't do nose?

Speaker 1:
[02:23] I don't do nose.

Speaker 4:
[02:24] Yeah, yeah, yeah. Your eyes are as deep as an open wound on a blue whale's fin.

Speaker 1:
[02:38] Thank you.

Speaker 4:
[02:38] You're welcome. Give me one.

Speaker 1:
[02:42] Your eyes are as puffy as a lemon meringue pie. I'm not finished.

Speaker 4:
[02:49] Oh, it's all right.

Speaker 1:
[02:50] Your eyes are as puffy. I'm changing it to a blueberry cobbler on my grandmother's window ledge and four chickadees fly down and peck at the cinnamony crust on top.

Speaker 4:
[03:06] Okay. Let's go more. Can you do one to me or can I do one to you?

Speaker 2:
[03:13] Okay.

Speaker 1:
[03:14] Yeah.

Speaker 2:
[03:14] My eyes though?

Speaker 4:
[03:15] No, not your eyes.

Speaker 2:
[03:16] Oh yeah. My lips since you make fun of them a lot.

Speaker 6:
[03:19] Yeah.

Speaker 4:
[03:20] Your lips are like a Seth. Can I start over? Can I start over?

Speaker 1:
[03:28] Whoa.

Speaker 6:
[03:28] Where was that going?

Speaker 4:
[03:30] Seth Green. Oh. No, no.

Speaker 1:
[03:35] That's a woman. That's a lady. You don't Seth Green a woman. All right.

Speaker 2:
[03:40] You don't Seth Green me.

Speaker 4:
[03:41] All right. Your lips are like a North, North, fuck.

Speaker 5:
[03:46] Wow, dude, are you okay?

Speaker 4:
[03:48] I can't do it. No, I'm not okay today.

Speaker 1:
[03:49] What's going on?

Speaker 4:
[03:50] Give me another one. I'm going to do. Your lips look like a West Congo Lake puffer fish deep within, you mean, a quagmire of different rocks that smashed his face and the moisture, what they call blood, form a puffy gel, right? Called oodamoo. Oodamoo. That was not as good as yours.

Speaker 1:
[04:19] I would have just said.

Speaker 4:
[04:21] Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I try to go along with you. I don't think I'm as good at that. I would have done that. That's what I was talking about.

Speaker 1:
[04:27] Oodamoo was all you needed. It's a Congo puffer fish. You could have just gone, your lips are oodamoo.

Speaker 4:
[04:31] Oh.

Speaker 1:
[04:33] You did all that other hyperbole.

Speaker 4:
[04:36] Yeah, hyperbole.

Speaker 1:
[04:37] All that like herbal diarrhea.

Speaker 4:
[04:39] Isn't that what you did?

Speaker 1:
[04:40] I do what's called eloquent.

Speaker 4:
[04:43] Oh, you do eloquent. Can you teach me eloquent?

Speaker 1:
[04:46] Sure.

Speaker 4:
[04:46] Yeah, teach me something.

Speaker 1:
[04:48] Well, let's see some lettuce, guy.

Speaker 4:
[04:51] Lettuce?

Speaker 1:
[04:52] I'm not giving you a freebie.

Speaker 4:
[04:53] You need money.

Speaker 1:
[04:54] Yeah, lettuce.

Speaker 4:
[04:55] Oh, yeah.

Speaker 5:
[04:55] Oh, lettuce.

Speaker 1:
[04:57] I'll stab you some lettuce.

Speaker 4:
[04:59] Yeah, you want some lettuce?

Speaker 1:
[05:00] What do you got? What do you got, play hair?

Speaker 4:
[05:03] Yeah, yeah. Here you go. How you doing? You want some fucking lettuce?

Speaker 1:
[05:07] Go give me the lettuce.

Speaker 4:
[05:08] Here's some lettuce for you, baby. What's up? A dollar.

Speaker 1:
[05:10] Okay. What do you want? What word?

Speaker 4:
[05:14] Nobody teach me how to do eloquence.

Speaker 1:
[05:16] I am, but you got to give me the topic you want.

Speaker 4:
[05:18] Oh, really?

Speaker 1:
[05:18] You're paying for it. How about his face?

Speaker 4:
[05:21] Yeah, yeah, yeah. Do his face.

Speaker 1:
[05:25] Your face is like a jack-o'-lantern glowing in the night on Jeffrey Dahmer's front porch. It's illuminated with candles and you end up eating your own face because you're a cannibal, you freak. That was a bonus. I did a bonus freak.

Speaker 4:
[05:44] I think what it is is that Unumu was an insen- What do you call it?

Speaker 3:
[05:50] What do we call what?

Speaker 4:
[05:51] Unumu? When you go, freak. What do you call it? Oh, oh, oh.

Speaker 3:
[05:55] Monomontopeia? No?

Speaker 4:
[05:57] Well, yeah. Essentuate. Is that the word? Essentuate?

Speaker 1:
[06:01] Accentuate, not assentuate. Accentuate.

Speaker 4:
[06:05] Accentuate.

Speaker 1:
[06:05] But to me, it was just a bonus. I threw, because you gave me a dollar. You're a friend. We are? Yeah. If you think I'm just going to do one and not give a buddy a freebie, a bonus at the end. I had it on. I could have just said freak.

Speaker 4:
[06:19] Oh, so if I give you more money.

Speaker 1:
[06:20] But I went, freak.

Speaker 7:
[06:22] Oh, right. If I give you more money. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1:
[06:25] And that's a bonus.

Speaker 4:
[06:25] Let's see what else do I have here.

Speaker 1:
[06:27] Oh, you want another one?

Speaker 4:
[06:28] Yeah. Here's a rare $2 bill.

Speaker 1:
[06:31] Oh, wow. Wow.

Speaker 4:
[06:33] You don't see these anymore.

Speaker 1:
[06:34] Why do you have a rare $2 bill?

Speaker 4:
[06:36] It's my lucky $2 bill. I'll never use it.

Speaker 1:
[06:39] So it's been in your wallet for how long?

Speaker 4:
[06:41] 25 years.

Speaker 1:
[06:43] Wow, dude. Wow.

Speaker 4:
[06:45] What do I get for this?

Speaker 1:
[06:47] Well, you give me another word, another...

Speaker 4:
[06:49] Yeah, but this one has to be two minutes long.

Speaker 1:
[06:53] Okay. Do you think that's hard for me?

Speaker 4:
[06:57] No, I don't think it's hard for you. Can somebody have a timer?

Speaker 1:
[07:00] Yep.

Speaker 4:
[07:00] Yeah, yeah, yeah. I time this one, right? And then I'm going to tell you... You're going to do George, our producer's face.

Speaker 1:
[07:07] But they can't see him, so they don't know.

Speaker 4:
[07:09] All right.

Speaker 1:
[07:09] But if you want to...

Speaker 4:
[07:10] Talk about my nose, then.

Speaker 2:
[07:12] Oh, you got a timer up there? Okay.

Speaker 4:
[07:13] You're talking about my nose?

Speaker 1:
[07:14] Yeah.

Speaker 4:
[07:15] My lips?

Speaker 1:
[07:16] Yeah. How about your whole face?

Speaker 4:
[07:18] Yeah, do my whole face.

Speaker 1:
[07:18] Okay.

Speaker 4:
[07:19] Two minutes for a rare $2 bill.

Speaker 1:
[07:22] Who's timing it?

Speaker 4:
[07:23] We are right now.

Speaker 1:
[07:24] Oh, so I don't get paid till after I do it?

Speaker 4:
[07:26] Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1:
[07:27] Okay. Tell me when the timer starts.

Speaker 4:
[07:30] Five, four, three, two, one.

Speaker 1:
[07:33] Your face puffs in the night like a lighthouse at the edge of the world. It radiates a soft yellow light across the top of the ocean, flickering, dancing, square dancing, sniffing the night like an anteater blowing ants backwards out of its nose. Your eyes drip down your face like runny fried eggs in the dumpster in Denny's. And the massive pussies it on your chin boils like a volcano crying in the night. Your whiskers dangle down like elk pubis brushing the forest floor where the mushroom people live. The elves and the ants fleeing thinking that perhaps, maybe this time, the hair monster has come. Your eyes and your hair, your cheeks puffed up like Chinese roasted potatoes boiling in a pot deep in the heart of Koreatown, even though they're Chinese. Your ears full of wax, finding their way in the middle of the night to the European wax center at 5729 Melrose Boulevard and dripping, dripping through the blackness of night onto an altar boy crying, crying behind the Dairy Queen in the middle of winter where two homosexuals are playing in the snow and making snow anils. Yes, your face puffs like a disease, dripping down the side of Helen Keller's hairy leg and forming a puddle that inches its way closer to the sea with a salmon spa and squirt.

Speaker 4:
[09:34] You did it. Time.

Speaker 1:
[09:35] Wow.

Speaker 2:
[09:43] I like, my favorite was the European Wax Center, because I've been there, I've gotten my bush wax there.

Speaker 1:
[09:48] You did?

Speaker 2:
[09:49] Once upon a time, yeah.

Speaker 1:
[09:50] See, I went in there about three weeks ago. You did. I was driving by, and I saw it, it was at a strip mall, it's a European wax center, and I was like, I haven't bought candles in ages. And I go in.

Speaker 4:
[10:04] Yeah, yeah, are you being real?

Speaker 1:
[10:05] I'm being real, I come out.

Speaker 4:
[10:06] You thought it was a candle store.

Speaker 1:
[10:08] I went in to get candles, I was looking blueberry, cran, cinnamon, raspberry. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I came out an hour later with a Brazilian, and I've been walking sideways like a horseshoe crab for about three weeks.

Speaker 7:
[10:21] Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 4:
[10:22] That's not what that is.

Speaker 1:
[10:24] Well, now I know.

Speaker 4:
[10:24] I never thought it was a candle, yeah.

Speaker 1:
[10:25] Now I know.

Speaker 4:
[10:26] Why do you know what a person would have been like, oh, you don't sell candles here, I'm gonna leave?

Speaker 1:
[10:30] Well, European wax center, like guys don't know.

Speaker 7:
[10:35] You're Canadian.

Speaker 1:
[10:36] Yeah.

Speaker 4:
[10:37] Okay.

Speaker 1:
[10:38] But Europe, do you know what like a wax center is?

Speaker 7:
[10:41] Yes, I do.

Speaker 1:
[10:41] You're a guy.

Speaker 4:
[10:42] I know.

Speaker 1:
[10:43] Have you ever been, did you ever go through what I went through?

Speaker 4:
[10:46] No, I never did.

Speaker 1:
[10:47] Okay. What do you mean?

Speaker 4:
[10:49] Okay.

Speaker 1:
[10:49] Well, I went through a trauma.

Speaker 4:
[10:51] Oh, it's a trauma.

Speaker 1:
[10:52] Well, you seem to just be rolling it off.

Speaker 4:
[10:54] I know, but you paid for your own trauma.

Speaker 1:
[10:56] I didn't know. I thought it was getting a candle.

Speaker 4:
[10:58] Oh, I see.

Speaker 1:
[11:00] I thought it was getting a...

Speaker 4:
[11:00] Oh, so you probably went in there, right, and said, can I buy a candle?

Speaker 1:
[11:04] Right.

Speaker 4:
[11:04] Which is code word for can I get waxed?

Speaker 1:
[11:06] They slapped me down.

Speaker 4:
[11:08] They slapped you. You paid.

Speaker 1:
[11:09] I paid.

Speaker 4:
[11:10] You went back inside a room.

Speaker 1:
[11:12] Yeah.

Speaker 4:
[11:12] Right. They laid you down.

Speaker 1:
[11:14] Pulled my pants off.

Speaker 4:
[11:15] Yeah. And you go, whoa, where are my candles?

Speaker 1:
[11:17] Yeah. And they waxed my vagina.

Speaker 4:
[11:22] I heard your vagina is very nice.

Speaker 1:
[11:24] It's smooth.

Speaker 4:
[11:25] Yeah.

Speaker 1:
[11:25] Yeah.

Speaker 4:
[11:26] It's very good. I'd like to see it one day.

Speaker 1:
[11:27] You would?

Speaker 4:
[11:28] They're like armadillo toes.

Speaker 1:
[11:30] No, I said it's...

Speaker 4:
[11:32] Is that what you said?

Speaker 1:
[11:32] Would you like to see it one day?

Speaker 4:
[11:34] Did you say they look like armadillo toes?

Speaker 1:
[11:36] No, I said it's as smooth as an armadillo's and then you cut me off.

Speaker 4:
[11:39] Oh, I created toes.

Speaker 1:
[11:41] But if you'd like to see it, I can show you now.

Speaker 4:
[11:43] I would not like to see it. I was kidding.

Speaker 1:
[11:44] I'd love to show you.

Speaker 4:
[11:45] Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But does it look beautiful?

Speaker 1:
[11:47] Yeah.

Speaker 4:
[11:47] Yeah, no, sit down, sit down. What are you doing?

Speaker 1:
[11:50] You said you wanted to see it.

Speaker 4:
[11:51] Yeah, I don't want to see your fucking vagina right now.

Speaker 7:
[11:53] Why not?

Speaker 4:
[11:54] Because I don't like armadillo toes.

Speaker 1:
[11:56] You just said you wanted to see it.

Speaker 6:
[11:57] No, please, please, please, please sit down.

Speaker 1:
[11:59] What the hell's wrong with you? Why won't you let me show it?

Speaker 4:
[12:02] Don't be, what are you doing, dude? Don't put your dick out, dude.

Speaker 1:
[12:06] Well, fix it.

Speaker 3:
[12:08] You're putting a belt on.

Speaker 1:
[12:11] Quit pretending you don't know how to do this.

Speaker 4:
[12:16] Put this loop right here.

Speaker 5:
[12:18] Nice belt.

Speaker 4:
[12:20] Sit down.

Speaker 1:
[12:21] I don't know why you asked me. Anyways, how are you?

Speaker 5:
[12:25] Good. How are your pants?

Speaker 4:
[12:29] That's what it looks like. Okay, good. Thank you for the reference.

Speaker 5:
[12:34] It's like rough, though. Scaly.

Speaker 4:
[12:36] Scaly.

Speaker 1:
[12:38] Those things are like nature's tanks. I used to drive an 18-wheeler and I was down in Florida.

Speaker 4:
[12:44] You were.

Speaker 1:
[12:45] And one of these things ran across the road. I hit it and my 18-wheeler flipped up over end and that little critter just kept going.

Speaker 4:
[12:57] Don't call that a whore.

Speaker 1:
[12:58] It ruined my rig.

Speaker 4:
[12:59] Oh, you can call it a whore.

Speaker 1:
[13:01] If something ruins my 18-wheeler, my Mac, I'm going to call it a, you know what?

Speaker 4:
[13:05] Yeah, yeah. Did it survive?

Speaker 1:
[13:07] Yeah, I told you, it ran off of my rig and I was hauling rebar and that's heavy. And this.

Speaker 4:
[13:16] Rebar, yeah, that's very heavy.

Speaker 1:
[13:18] Hit it and then the whole rig.

Speaker 4:
[13:19] Wow, I didn't know that armadillos were that strong.

Speaker 1:
[13:22] Over, boom.

Speaker 4:
[13:23] Boom.

Speaker 1:
[13:23] Off he goes to eat mealworms and grubs.

Speaker 4:
[13:25] Right.

Speaker 1:
[13:26] Dragonfly larva.

Speaker 4:
[13:27] It was almost as if Michael Bay was there filming it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 5:
[13:31] Or who? Christopher Nolan. Dark Knight.

Speaker 1:
[13:36] Who's your nutty friend?

Speaker 4:
[13:38] I got him from a special place.

Speaker 1:
[13:39] Yeah.

Speaker 4:
[13:40] Yeah.

Speaker 1:
[13:40] You don't know Christopher Nolan?

Speaker 5:
[13:43] Dark Knight, he flips the whole rig over. He did? Yeah.

Speaker 4:
[13:47] No, he's just doing a Michael Bay joke.

Speaker 5:
[13:48] Oh, because you know him, right?

Speaker 4:
[13:51] Don't be like this. I mean, Harland knows a lot of people.

Speaker 1:
[13:55] Are you having a fight?

Speaker 4:
[13:56] No, we're not having a fight.

Speaker 1:
[13:57] I know Michael Bay.

Speaker 4:
[13:59] Yeah, he goes to the store a lot.

Speaker 1:
[14:01] I did a commercial for him once.

Speaker 4:
[14:02] Did you really? Yeah. I did one too for him as well.

Speaker 1:
[14:05] Which one? Can we talk about it or?

Speaker 4:
[14:06] I don't want to talk about it.

Speaker 1:
[14:09] Can you name the product at least?

Speaker 4:
[14:10] It was Pepsi, Pepsi, Pepsi, Pepsi. What was yours from Squirt?

Speaker 1:
[14:18] I did a Squirt commercial for him.

Speaker 5:
[14:24] Wow. Yeah.

Speaker 4:
[14:27] This guy right here, do you guys have you met before him?

Speaker 1:
[14:30] Yeah.

Speaker 4:
[14:30] You were?

Speaker 1:
[14:31] Last time I was here.

Speaker 4:
[14:32] Yeah. You like him?

Speaker 1:
[14:35] I don't know him well enough. I don't dislike him, but I don't know him.

Speaker 4:
[14:40] What's the feeling though? Is it positive or negative?

Speaker 1:
[14:43] Positive.

Speaker 4:
[14:44] It's a positive feeling.

Speaker 1:
[14:44] Yeah. Seems like a friendly, nice guy, but I don't know him.

Speaker 2:
[14:48] He tried to give you knuckles just now.

Speaker 1:
[14:50] Oh, yeah.

Speaker 4:
[14:50] He tried to give you knuckles.

Speaker 5:
[14:52] Well, I've seen him at the store too, so. Yeah.

Speaker 1:
[14:54] Now and then.

Speaker 4:
[14:55] Yeah. Now and then.

Speaker 1:
[14:55] But I don't know him. I don't know him.

Speaker 4:
[14:57] But if you saw him at the comedy center, would you say hi?

Speaker 1:
[14:59] Yeah. I've said hi to him.

Speaker 5:
[15:01] Yeah.

Speaker 4:
[15:01] Sometimes you ignore me.

Speaker 1:
[15:03] Yeah.

Speaker 4:
[15:04] Yeah.

Speaker 5:
[15:04] Why?

Speaker 1:
[15:06] I like to play a little game of mystery with you.

Speaker 4:
[15:09] You and I are mystery people.

Speaker 1:
[15:10] I like to keep you on a hook.

Speaker 4:
[15:12] Yeah.

Speaker 1:
[15:12] I like to keep you on a line and a hook. I like you to never know if you're on steady ground with me.

Speaker 4:
[15:18] Yeah. And you're not.

Speaker 1:
[15:20] I like to play with your mind.

Speaker 4:
[15:21] Your mind and your toes.

Speaker 1:
[15:23] I like to kind of keep you like twisted on your heels.

Speaker 4:
[15:26] Yeah.

Speaker 1:
[15:27] I never want you to know where you sit with me or how we stand.

Speaker 4:
[15:31] Who you are.

Speaker 1:
[15:32] Or what I'm all about.

Speaker 4:
[15:34] What are you doing?

Speaker 1:
[15:34] What's my journey?

Speaker 4:
[15:35] Yeah. Your mind is somewhere else. It might be in another place. Klarna will help you with budgeting. Klarna, it lets you split purchases into different payment options. I love budgeting, don't you?

Speaker 2:
[15:59] I love the option to not pay the full bulk amount immediately.

Speaker 4:
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Speaker 2:
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Speaker 4:
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Speaker 1:
[18:48] I'm thinking about you right now.

Speaker 4:
[18:50] I'm thinking about you too. I'm looking somewhere else. I was literally just thinking about you.

Speaker 1:
[18:54] But I'm looking over this way.

Speaker 4:
[18:55] Yeah, I'm looking this way, but you know when it goes in the circle. You know how like that new space rocket that we sent around the inertia?

Speaker 1:
[19:03] Yeah.

Speaker 4:
[19:04] That's what my mind was doing. Inertia around the moon.

Speaker 1:
[19:07] Yeah.

Speaker 4:
[19:08] Yeah, and it went right into his brain, right? But his went into a black hole. Yeah, and when I say black hole, I mean butt hole. Whoa. Is it not black?

Speaker 1:
[19:18] Player. Wait, why?

Speaker 4:
[19:22] How is that a bad thing to say?

Speaker 2:
[19:23] I didn't say anything.

Speaker 4:
[19:24] Oh yeah, yeah. Yeah, go ahead.

Speaker 5:
[19:26] I didn't say anything.

Speaker 4:
[19:27] Okay.

Speaker 2:
[19:28] I've never been up there.

Speaker 5:
[19:30] Nobody has.

Speaker 4:
[19:31] Yeah, but I'm sure it's nice.

Speaker 2:
[19:33] Yeah, I'm sure.

Speaker 4:
[19:33] Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 5:
[19:34] Flat earth.

Speaker 4:
[19:36] You think it's flat earth theory?

Speaker 2:
[19:37] Yeah, I was like.

Speaker 5:
[19:38] Yeah, everybody has a flat butt hole.

Speaker 2:
[19:40] It's no problem. Oh, that's actually the most untrue thing.

Speaker 3:
[19:45] You think your butt hole is flat?

Speaker 2:
[19:46] Oh, it's got ridges.

Speaker 5:
[19:48] When you sit it down like this.

Speaker 4:
[19:50] Harland, you're an expert of butt holes, right?

Speaker 5:
[19:52] Yeah.

Speaker 1:
[19:53] Right? Yeah.

Speaker 4:
[19:54] In terms of the ridges, why, all the different parts.

Speaker 1:
[19:57] Yeah.

Speaker 4:
[19:57] Right? So when you look at a butt hole, those little ridges, they look like wrinkles.

Speaker 1:
[20:03] Yeah.

Speaker 4:
[20:04] Why do they exist? He's an expert. He went to college. That was your master's, no?

Speaker 1:
[20:08] Yeah.

Speaker 4:
[20:09] Yeah. What university?

Speaker 1:
[20:12] DeVry.

Speaker 4:
[20:12] DeVry. Yeah, DeVry. Five years to study the butt hole at DeVry University, which is a long time, I believe.

Speaker 1:
[20:21] Yeah.

Speaker 4:
[20:21] But you got your master's in it.

Speaker 1:
[20:22] Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 4:
[20:23] So the wrinkles on the butt hole.

Speaker 1:
[20:25] Well, they're actually not wrinkles.

Speaker 4:
[20:27] What are they called?

Speaker 1:
[20:27] Scientific name is anupals.

Speaker 4:
[20:31] Oh, they're anupals.

Speaker 1:
[20:35] The average anus has 47.

Speaker 4:
[20:40] 47?

Speaker 1:
[20:40] Yeah.

Speaker 4:
[20:41] Anupals?

Speaker 1:
[20:41] Yeah.

Speaker 4:
[20:42] Why do they exist?

Speaker 1:
[20:43] Well, what they do is they help the inertia of the loaf.

Speaker 4:
[20:47] The loaf. Is that the scientific term for feces?

Speaker 1:
[20:51] Yeah.

Speaker 4:
[20:52] The loaf.

Speaker 1:
[20:53] The loaf.

Speaker 4:
[20:53] Yeah. I'm sorry because I'm the curious fellow.

Speaker 1:
[20:58] I'm trying to give you the answer.

Speaker 4:
[20:59] Why do they call it the loaf? Because whenever I poo and I look at my poo, I don't go, oh, sourdough bread. I mean, I don't, it doesn't look like a baked...

Speaker 1:
[21:09] What does it look like to you?

Speaker 4:
[21:11] To me, it looks like a brown submarine.

Speaker 1:
[21:14] Okay.

Speaker 4:
[21:14] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1:
[21:16] And if you saw a submarine in the ocean, and you put crust on it, it would look like an underwater loaf.

Speaker 4:
[21:25] That is so true. You're the master.

Speaker 1:
[21:27] Yeah.

Speaker 4:
[21:27] As it continues. So, the nupals.

Speaker 1:
[21:29] Yeah, the anupals.

Speaker 4:
[21:31] The anupals.

Speaker 1:
[21:32] Anupals.

Speaker 4:
[21:32] And you called it the anus.

Speaker 1:
[21:34] The anus. Yeah. It just seems weird hearing the word anus and then that giggle. Like, I'm going to do it again. And you'll have to force the giggle.

Speaker 4:
[21:47] No, I don't want to force the giggle.

Speaker 1:
[21:48] But just if you could force it, cause I'm going to...

Speaker 4:
[21:50] I've never heard anus before.

Speaker 1:
[21:51] Ready? Anus. Oh, you don't have the giggle in you.

Speaker 4:
[21:55] I don't have the giggle anymore.

Speaker 1:
[21:56] So if you ever...

Speaker 4:
[21:57] Oh, do it again.

Speaker 1:
[21:58] Anus. Yeah, it's like if the Pillsbury Doughboy was addicted to ass, I think that's what it would say. Would you want me to do it in his voice? Whose voice? Pillsbury Doughboy.

Speaker 4:
[22:10] I would like to.

Speaker 1:
[22:11] Anus.

Speaker 4:
[22:14] Yeah, I think we found something together.

Speaker 1:
[22:16] But back to the anus.

Speaker 4:
[22:21] And the anupal. No, don't Google it.

Speaker 1:
[22:23] The anupal.

Speaker 4:
[22:23] Yeah, because that's rude to our professor here. Yeah, please take it out, please. Thank you.

Speaker 1:
[22:27] So, there's physics behind the anupals.

Speaker 4:
[22:30] The anupals, yeah.

Speaker 1:
[22:31] Right. So, have you ever seen, and you can bring this up if you want, the pads on a gecko's fingers.

Speaker 3:
[22:38] Oh, look that up.

Speaker 4:
[22:39] The pads of a gecko's finger.

Speaker 2:
[22:40] The adhesives.

Speaker 1:
[22:41] It helps them, well, they're little ridges, and they help them stick to the walls, believe it or not. And so, there they are. Whoa, there we are.

Speaker 4:
[22:49] Is that, like, if I look at a normal human being's, an average human being's anupal.

Speaker 1:
[22:55] Yeah.

Speaker 4:
[22:56] Yeah. I mean, because sometimes, I'm sure, it's smaller with Brad Williams.

Speaker 1:
[23:00] No, no. Picture the anupals as the lines on his fingers, but picture his palm as your anus. So, the anupals on the outer rim of your anus, as those are designed to help him scale the walls, the anupals are designed to help pull your loaf out. Wow. It gives them traction.

Speaker 4:
[23:23] So, it has, it does have purpose.

Speaker 1:
[23:25] It has a function. They have a function.

Speaker 4:
[23:29] Them.

Speaker 1:
[23:29] Them. There's 47 of them.

Speaker 4:
[23:31] They them.

Speaker 1:
[23:32] Well, it's not.

Speaker 4:
[23:32] We don't know.

Speaker 1:
[23:33] We don't know.

Speaker 4:
[23:33] Yeah, yeah, yeah. He, she, whatever.

Speaker 1:
[23:35] There's 47 of them.

Speaker 4:
[23:37] Yeah, there's 47 of them.

Speaker 1:
[23:38] And so, have you ever been mid-loaf and it's sort of, you get a log jam?

Speaker 4:
[23:43] What is a log jam?

Speaker 1:
[23:44] I don't know. It sort of just stops. The loaf stops.

Speaker 4:
[23:48] Oh, it's like, like the straight of her moves.

Speaker 1:
[23:50] Right.

Speaker 4:
[23:51] Yes. It's like the straight of her moves. It just stops.

Speaker 1:
[23:53] But then all of a sudden it starts moving again. And that's the end pupils pulling it.

Speaker 4:
[23:57] All right. That's because somebody announced that maybe the war's going to end in a couple of trickle out.

Speaker 1:
[24:03] No, no.

Speaker 4:
[24:03] Okay.

Speaker 1:
[24:04] You're politicizing your loaf.

Speaker 4:
[24:07] I am. I am. I apologize.

Speaker 1:
[24:10] You're really pulling politics into your anus. We don't want to go there.

Speaker 4:
[24:14] I'm going to loaf out the politics.

Speaker 1:
[24:16] Yeah.

Speaker 4:
[24:16] All right. Let's start.

Speaker 1:
[24:18] But if there's a log jam, if you want to bring the gecko fingers up again, the nupals serve a physical function. They help those little ridges.

Speaker 4:
[24:30] Yes.

Speaker 1:
[24:30] They help extract the loaf.

Speaker 4:
[24:33] Wow. Yeah.

Speaker 1:
[24:35] I mean, you asked.

Speaker 4:
[24:38] You went to college for it.

Speaker 1:
[24:39] DeVry. Let's say the name.

Speaker 4:
[24:41] All right. You went five years to study that specific part of the human body.

Speaker 1:
[24:45] Yeah.

Speaker 4:
[24:46] Why wouldn't I ask that question? It's a very curious question. Am I not right, Khalyla? Yeah. I know. So can I ask you another question?

Speaker 1:
[24:53] Go ahead. Sure.

Speaker 4:
[24:54] Doctor. Yeah. Yeah. So if you look at the human ethnicity, will you agree that there are ethnicities on the earth? Yes. Why'd you have to think about it?

Speaker 1:
[25:14] No, I didn't. I said yes almost instantaneously. Why did you try to deceive your audience and make them think I hesitated?

Speaker 4:
[25:23] Because in editing, we're going to leave a gap. A five second gap. Anyway, I'm kidding. Don't do that.

Speaker 1:
[25:31] But I wouldn't mind if you left a five second gap.

Speaker 4:
[25:34] And that'd be funny.

Speaker 1:
[25:34] If there's one thing I know, girl's like a stupid guy. And so if you can make me look stupid, that's going to work for me, even though I do have a degree from DeVry.

Speaker 4:
[25:44] Yeah, that's right. So if you have a black person, a brown person, so you have the anus, anupals, and the tube itself, no matter what race, color the person is, it's always pink. Why is that?

Speaker 1:
[26:06] Well. An easy question. It is?

Speaker 4:
[26:13] Does this seem like an easy question, Khalyla?

Speaker 1:
[26:15] For someone who studied the anus at DeVry, it's an easy question.

Speaker 4:
[26:19] Why don't you say anything?

Speaker 2:
[26:20] Well, no, like he's the professional from DeVry.

Speaker 4:
[26:23] I know, but do you agree with what he's saying so far?

Speaker 2:
[26:25] Yeah, everything.

Speaker 4:
[26:26] Okay, good. Why aren't you writing it down like Heimlich?

Speaker 2:
[26:28] I have been.

Speaker 4:
[26:29] Okay. Oh, you guys are joint writing it down. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. All right, so.

Speaker 5:
[26:33] Okay.

Speaker 1:
[26:34] So, as you.

Speaker 4:
[26:35] What?

Speaker 5:
[26:36] Is this gonna be on the test?

Speaker 4:
[26:37] There's no test. There's no test.

Speaker 1:
[26:39] Yeah. If you want to write and, you know, wreck your wrist and eventually have horrible arthritis, that's on you. As Darwin told us, as.

Speaker 4:
[26:50] Who is Darwin?

Speaker 1:
[26:51] Charles Darwin.

Speaker 4:
[26:52] Oh.

Speaker 1:
[26:53] Yeah.

Speaker 4:
[26:53] Okay.

Speaker 1:
[26:54] As evolution tells us.

Speaker 6:
[26:55] Yes.

Speaker 1:
[26:57] We evolved from the great apes.

Speaker 4:
[27:01] Did we really?

Speaker 1:
[27:02] Yeah.

Speaker 6:
[27:02] Wow.

Speaker 1:
[27:03] Yeah. The gorilla, the chimpanzee.

Speaker 4:
[27:05] Yeah. Yeah. What about the orangutan?

Speaker 1:
[27:08] The orangutan.

Speaker 4:
[27:09] Yeah. Spider monkeys. Spider monkeys.

Speaker 1:
[27:10] Monkeys and apes are two different things.

Speaker 4:
[27:13] Well, explain the two.

Speaker 1:
[27:14] But apes are primates.

Speaker 4:
[27:17] Yeah.

Speaker 1:
[27:17] And they have a different DNA. They have their chromosomes are closer to ours than and chimpanzees' chromosomes are closer to us than any other mammal.

Speaker 4:
[27:27] I can't wait for this connection.

Speaker 1:
[27:31] But the less...

Speaker 4:
[27:31] No, wait. What I can't wait for?

Speaker 1:
[27:34] I can't wait. Look, do you want a noose answers pop?

Speaker 4:
[27:37] No, but I cannot wait to see. Okay, so yes, I...

Speaker 1:
[27:40] So the lesser apes or the monkeys, as you alluded to...

Speaker 4:
[27:45] Yes, I did allude to...

Speaker 1:
[27:46] If you're like me, when you were a boy, your father took you to the zoo. On the other side of the wall were tribes of mandrills, were tribes of baboons.

Speaker 4:
[27:58] Yes.

Speaker 1:
[27:59] When you're a boy, you would see the male, the leader of the pack, stand up and display posture. All of us as children, even you, wagon wheel tits, we all thought that those monkeys had bubble gum asses. They were big, they were big pink asses with an anus right in the middle.

Speaker 4:
[28:26] Right.

Speaker 1:
[28:27] All of us as children.

Speaker 4:
[28:29] And the anuples.

Speaker 1:
[28:29] Yes.

Speaker 4:
[28:30] Yes, yes.

Speaker 6:
[28:31] I remember the anuples.

Speaker 1:
[28:32] All of us as children, we dove over the wall and bit one of those in the ass and started to chew. Daddy had to come and rescue us.

Speaker 6:
[28:40] No, we didn't.

Speaker 4:
[28:41] No, we didn't.

Speaker 1:
[28:41] Well, I did.

Speaker 4:
[28:42] I know you did, but nobody else did that.

Speaker 1:
[28:44] But as...

Speaker 4:
[28:44] You ever jump over the wall and chew on one of those?

Speaker 1:
[28:46] But look at the massive, look at the real estate. Look at the size of the anus. That's what we call Ikea noose.

Speaker 4:
[28:56] Yeah.

Speaker 1:
[28:57] Yeah.

Speaker 4:
[28:57] Wow.

Speaker 1:
[28:58] It's like furniture.

Speaker 4:
[28:59] It's Ikea noose.

Speaker 1:
[29:00] So as we evolved from the great apes and the monkeys, as we stood erect, well, they stayed on all fours. Our anus receded into our anal passage. Our body. Right. And the pink remained, but outside we stayed just a little. Well, if you want to answer.

Speaker 4:
[29:20] No, no, I love the answer. I think my viewers, our viewers would love to learn about this. This is something new. I've never knew that.

Speaker 1:
[29:27] Oh, they're learning all right.

Speaker 4:
[29:28] Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, they are learning. And you know, you would think that, well.

Speaker 1:
[29:35] So as we evolve, the anus on humans sucked in. We retained the pink that you see there.

Speaker 4:
[29:42] I see.

Speaker 1:
[29:43] But it went inward.

Speaker 4:
[29:44] Yes, through evolution and went into.

Speaker 1:
[29:46] Whereas the great apes, they haven't evolved.

Speaker 4:
[29:48] They haven't evolved.

Speaker 1:
[29:49] They still walk around like double-buffalos.

Speaker 3:
[29:54] Helix, sleep.

Speaker 6:
[29:57] Helix, sleep.

Speaker 4:
[30:01] Dude, guys, I have beds in my room. And my, I have beds.

Speaker 3:
[30:04] You have multiple beds.

Speaker 4:
[30:05] Multiple rooms with many beds, right? That's what I meant to say.

Speaker 2:
[30:08] You're a mattress king.

Speaker 4:
[30:09] I'm the king of all mattresses. And I only use Helix because it's the best kind. I really do. People spend the night in my house. I go, oh my God, I slept so well. I go, what is it? I go, Helix. A study that they ran found that 82 percent of those involved saw an increase in their deep sleep cycle with sleeping on a Helix mattress.

Speaker 2:
[30:25] And honestly, I've had my Helix for over five years now, and it is still perfect as the first day.

Speaker 4:
[30:33] Me too.

Speaker 2:
[30:35] Let me see. And it's so easy. You just take a quiz. You take the Helix quiz online and they match you with a mattress based on the type of sleeper that you are. Like, for instance, me, I am a side sleeper and I run really hot, so I got matched with a midnight.

Speaker 4:
[30:46] Yeah, Helix is the best mattress on planet Earth. Just get it, man. Right. Award winning. Helix is the most awarded mattress brand tested and reviewed by experts like Forbes and Wire, free shipping and seamless delivery. Helix delivers your mattress right to your door with free shipping in the US. All right. I'm happy with it. Everyone in this room is happy with it. Get Helix sleep, man.

Speaker 2:
[31:09] He's very passionate. What's really cool too is that they give you 120 nights of a trial. So if you're like, you know what, I don't like it, you can give it back 120.

Speaker 4:
[31:19] You're going to do 10,000 nights after that.

Speaker 2:
[31:21] Exactly.

Speaker 7:
[31:22] Yeah.

Speaker 2:
[31:22] Exactly.

Speaker 7:
[31:23] But no need to worry.

Speaker 4:
[31:24] Don't worry about it.

Speaker 3:
[31:25] Go to helixsleep.com/tigerbelly for 20 percent offside wide. That's helixsleep.com/tigerbelly for 20 percent offside wide. Make sure you enter our show name after checkouts. We sent you helixsleep.com/tigerbelly.

Speaker 4:
[31:40] DraftKingsCaseers. Hello?

Speaker 1:
[31:43] Well, you don't have to look in. It's already on the outside.

Speaker 4:
[31:46] No, I still have to look in.

Speaker 1:
[31:47] If they evolve, it would suck in.

Speaker 4:
[31:49] I still have to look in.

Speaker 1:
[31:50] Yeah.

Speaker 4:
[31:51] If I were to look into that, what would I see?

Speaker 1:
[31:54] Well, yourself.

Speaker 5:
[31:58] Question, Professor.

Speaker 4:
[31:59] Yes. Yes, Padawan.

Speaker 5:
[32:02] You saw these as a young man.

Speaker 1:
[32:04] Yeah.

Speaker 5:
[32:05] Young boy.

Speaker 1:
[32:05] Yeah.

Speaker 5:
[32:07] Did you ever like, because you bit his butt.

Speaker 1:
[32:11] I thought it was Double Bubble or Grape-a-Roo. Have you ever had Grape-a-Roo or Rainblow? I was over the wall and I was just chewing on that thing, and my old man had to come and get me.

Speaker 5:
[32:24] Were you ever curious of like, Tickle, Tickle?

Speaker 1:
[32:28] Well, the closest I got to it, my dad took me, it was called Halloween Monkey Nights. And I dove over the wall and put a candle in one. Well, if you're going to laugh. Wow. You know, I have a degree. I don't, I have a degree guy in A News.

Speaker 4:
[32:52] I don't know what it is. I don't know if it's gonna be a thing. Oh God, it makes no sense.

Speaker 1:
[32:58] Well, it doesn't make sense to the lay person, but to a professor of A News.

Speaker 4:
[33:03] I don't think there was that house. So what was it that he used to bring you to? The monkey house, what?

Speaker 1:
[33:09] Monkey Nights.

Speaker 4:
[33:12] Oh, the famous Halloween monkey nights. Oh yeah, I didn't get the opportunity.

Speaker 1:
[33:17] What neighbor did you grow up in?

Speaker 4:
[33:18] I did grow up in Poway, California. We didn't have those.

Speaker 1:
[33:20] What did you have on Halloween at the zoo?

Speaker 4:
[33:23] Oh, it's at the zoo.

Speaker 1:
[33:24] Yeah, monkey nights.

Speaker 4:
[33:25] Yeah, I wouldn't go to those zoos on Halloween.

Speaker 1:
[33:27] Oh, you should have.

Speaker 4:
[33:28] Yeah, I did not know that that was a ritual of the whites.

Speaker 1:
[33:31] Yeah.

Speaker 4:
[33:31] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1:
[33:32] The whites? What's that mean?

Speaker 4:
[33:37] You're white.

Speaker 1:
[33:38] Am I though?

Speaker 4:
[33:39] Yeah.

Speaker 1:
[33:40] I feel like I'm light pink.

Speaker 4:
[33:43] Oh, here we go.

Speaker 1:
[33:45] I don't like the colors.

Speaker 4:
[33:47] I don't like the colors as well.

Speaker 1:
[33:48] Like black people to me are brown or bronze.

Speaker 7:
[33:51] They're not black.

Speaker 4:
[33:52] I'm not that yellow.

Speaker 1:
[33:53] Like this is black. Have you ever seen an African American who looks like that? Like that black? I don't think so.

Speaker 4:
[34:02] Actually, I have.

Speaker 1:
[34:03] Where?

Speaker 4:
[34:04] What?

Speaker 1:
[34:05] Yeah, you have.

Speaker 4:
[34:06] Yes, I have.

Speaker 1:
[34:07] Where? I got to hear this story.

Speaker 4:
[34:10] Yeah, it's in space.

Speaker 1:
[34:13] In space, you saw a black guy that was this black.

Speaker 4:
[34:18] I was an astronaut in 1978.

Speaker 1:
[34:21] If you're an astronaut, I'm an anus doctor.

Speaker 4:
[34:25] Yeah.

Speaker 2:
[34:26] I have another question, Professor.

Speaker 1:
[34:28] Yes.

Speaker 2:
[34:30] My friend Bobby is getting a colonoscopy on Wednesday.

Speaker 1:
[34:34] Wow.

Speaker 2:
[34:35] Any tips you can give him?

Speaker 4:
[34:36] Any tips you can give me?

Speaker 1:
[34:38] I would say, buy. I would go to the nearest Barnes and Noble or a Chapters. I would buy.

Speaker 4:
[34:48] What's a Chapters?

Speaker 1:
[34:49] It's a bookstore.

Speaker 4:
[34:50] Okay.

Speaker 1:
[34:51] Any bookstore you want.

Speaker 4:
[34:52] Okay.

Speaker 1:
[34:53] I would go to the English language section. Why?

Speaker 4:
[34:58] I don't know Mandarin Chinese or Korean.

Speaker 1:
[35:00] Well, can I finish? The professor's talking, garlic bread teeth or whatever they call you. I don't know what they call you down at the spa.

Speaker 4:
[35:08] Well, you didn't have to call me that.

Speaker 1:
[35:10] Well, what do they call you at the spa?

Speaker 4:
[35:12] Jimmy Small Eyes.

Speaker 1:
[35:13] I'd call you garlic bread teeth.

Speaker 4:
[35:14] Okay, go ahead.

Speaker 1:
[35:16] So I would, if you're going in for a colonoscopy, get to the nearest bookstore ASAP.

Speaker 4:
[35:21] Okay.

Speaker 1:
[35:22] Find the English language section.

Speaker 4:
[35:24] I think it's mostly English language, but anyway, let's move on.

Speaker 1:
[35:26] Okay. But they have specific, you know, they have science fiction, literature.

Speaker 4:
[35:30] I understand. So they're genres. They're genres.

Speaker 1:
[35:32] Right. So go to the English language section. If you're getting a colonoscopy. Yeah.

Speaker 4:
[35:36] Why wouldn't I go to the science section?

Speaker 1:
[35:37] If you'll let the professor finish, go again. Go and get four or five grammar books, okay? Rip the pages out and eat them raw or put them in hot water, add a little salt, some bouillon, some sliced onion and make a nice grammar soup and drink it and you'll have so many colons inside you. It will. All right. You're going to laugh after the colonoscopy. Clever.

Speaker 4:
[36:17] This guy over here. This guy is so fucking funny, this guy. Holy shit. You really tickle my bones. You tickle my bones.

Speaker 1:
[36:24] Well, you did ask, in fairness. You did ask, Khalyla.

Speaker 4:
[36:28] You know, because.

Speaker 2:
[36:29] Colon, semicolon.

Speaker 1:
[36:32] Well, semicolon if you're only getting half of it done.

Speaker 4:
[36:34] Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Very good. That's your advice.

Speaker 1:
[36:37] Well, yeah, that's my scientific advice.

Speaker 4:
[36:39] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1:
[36:40] You asked. You did ask.

Speaker 4:
[36:42] You know so much.

Speaker 1:
[36:43] I know you wanted to do a comedy podcast, but I didn't realize we'd cascade.

Speaker 4:
[36:48] Diary of the CEO or you know what I mean? Something that you would learn.

Speaker 1:
[36:51] I don't mind. I can flow. I can, I can, I can. I'm grateful. I can do this too. I can do this.

Speaker 4:
[37:02] What am I doing here?

Speaker 1:
[37:04] You're looking in my brain.

Speaker 4:
[37:05] Yeah, you know what? You felt it.

Speaker 1:
[37:07] Yeah.

Speaker 4:
[37:07] Yeah. Around the moon.

Speaker 1:
[37:09] Yeah. Around the moon. We and you feel each other.

Speaker 4:
[37:12] We feel each other.

Speaker 1:
[37:12] Lot of times we don't have to talk. We just feel each other.

Speaker 4:
[37:15] We feel each other, yeah. So, Doctor, that was your major was the anus. What was your minor at DeVry?

Speaker 1:
[37:22] Well, oh boy. Do we want to go there?

Speaker 4:
[37:26] Yeah, I do. I do because I think it's interesting. I think the fans would like to know because it's a very important, let me just say something before you answer. It's a very important topic. I think that it is something that not just American human beings should know, memorize, maybe study themselves because it's very, very important. And your minor was what?

Speaker 1:
[37:48] Clitoris.

Speaker 4:
[37:49] Yes.

Speaker 5:
[37:51] Clitoris, yes.

Speaker 4:
[37:53] Memorize. It's very important.

Speaker 1:
[37:56] Yeah.

Speaker 4:
[37:57] And there's the mysteries of the clitoris.

Speaker 1:
[37:59] Well, not to me. I studied it.

Speaker 4:
[38:02] I know, but tea, tea, I'm sorry. But for me, it's like, you know, you know how when you go into the Mariana trenches, you go real deep.

Speaker 1:
[38:12] Oh yeah.

Speaker 4:
[38:12] And you see those illuminating fishes.

Speaker 1:
[38:15] I'm sorry, before you go any further, because I know what you meant by what you just said. They don't.

Speaker 4:
[38:21] I know they don't.

Speaker 1:
[38:22] If you could tell them what the Mariana Trench is. Just to set the table, because they don't. Your viewers, them, the Dementoids watching from the shadows of their beady, glistening koala eyes.

Speaker 4:
[38:35] The netherworld, is that what you're saying? And Baal, the demon.

Speaker 1:
[38:39] Yeah.

Speaker 4:
[38:40] Yeah, yeah, good sound effect.

Speaker 1:
[38:41] Thank you.

Speaker 4:
[38:41] Are you Pablo Francisco? Yeah. Say that thing again, what you just said.

Speaker 1:
[38:46] Okay, so could you tell them, because they don't know what the Mariana Trench is.

Speaker 4:
[38:50] But here's the miracle, here's the miracle. I don't know.

Speaker 1:
[38:53] Okay, do you want me to tell you?

Speaker 6:
[38:54] Yes, tell me, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1:
[38:55] So the Mariana Trench, the Mariana Trench is the deepest place on earth where you can go and get spaghetti sauce on your meatballs. And the Marinara Trench, what? If you're gonna ask shit and then just...

Speaker 4:
[39:12] That's not what I meant. I know that restaurant, it's really good.

Speaker 1:
[39:15] Okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 4:
[39:16] Maria's Trench is very good.

Speaker 1:
[39:17] Okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 4:
[39:18] But I was talking about the Mariana Trench.

Speaker 1:
[39:20] Mariana.

Speaker 4:
[39:21] Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's the deepest part of the ocean.

Speaker 1:
[39:23] Right.

Speaker 4:
[39:23] And there's like this illuminating, you know what I mean, fish down there.

Speaker 1:
[39:26] There's squid and there's fish that are luminous.

Speaker 4:
[39:29] And to me, the clitoris scares me in that way. It's a mystery. Yes, you have one.

Speaker 1:
[39:34] Yes.

Speaker 2:
[39:34] Professor, I have a question about the clitoris.

Speaker 1:
[39:39] They always do. Hello.

Speaker 2:
[39:44] Why don't men know where it is?

Speaker 1:
[39:48] Good question.

Speaker 4:
[39:48] That's a philosophical question.

Speaker 1:
[39:50] Good question.

Speaker 4:
[39:50] Yeah, that's a question that Descartes would ask.

Speaker 1:
[39:53] Who?

Speaker 4:
[39:53] Descartes.

Speaker 1:
[39:55] Isn't that French for shopping cart?

Speaker 4:
[39:57] Yes.

Speaker 2:
[39:58] Right?

Speaker 1:
[40:01] Uh, here's why.

Speaker 2:
[40:05] Why can't they ever find it, Professor?

Speaker 1:
[40:08] Are you a dog person?

Speaker 2:
[40:10] I am.

Speaker 1:
[40:11] Picture one of the most awkward breeds in the whole lineage of Daschhund.

Speaker 2:
[40:21] Okay, yeah.

Speaker 1:
[40:21] What would you say is one of the most awkward breeds of Daschhund?

Speaker 4:
[40:28] Yeah. Is that how you pronounce it, Doctor?

Speaker 1:
[40:30] Yeah, that's how- Daschhund. Yeah, yeah. Daschhund.

Speaker 4:
[40:33] Daschhund.

Speaker 1:
[40:34] That's the German subsequent of the refraction of the militant. Now, what would you say is one of the most awkward breeds? And I'm trying to draw a parallel here, so the lay person can understand.

Speaker 4:
[40:49] I'm with you.

Speaker 2:
[40:50] Awkward looking dog that I've ever seen, but I think they're really cute, are the Mexican hairless dogs? Can you bring that up, Gilbert?

Speaker 1:
[40:59] Interesting, the exact opposite of what you're trying to do, because hairless represents complete visual freedom. You can see everything with a hairless, so with that breed, it almost is a clit.

Speaker 4:
[41:16] I see.

Speaker 2:
[41:16] Okay.

Speaker 4:
[41:17] Yeah.

Speaker 1:
[41:17] It's almost a frisbee catching clit.

Speaker 4:
[41:20] What we'd like to do is find the hairiest dog, is that what you're saying?

Speaker 1:
[41:23] You're sort of in it, but this one, that's a paw-shaking clit right there.

Speaker 4:
[41:28] Yeah, yeah, yeah. Let's go to the dachshund. You want to go dachshund? Where would you like to go?

Speaker 1:
[41:35] It's not hairiest. I'm talking about one of the most awkward. Think about the anatomy of, as the French say, le clut.

Speaker 4:
[41:44] Oh, yeah, yeah, le clut, yeah.

Speaker 1:
[41:48] Okay, that's...

Speaker 4:
[41:49] Are we working here or what?

Speaker 1:
[41:51] That's interesting.

Speaker 4:
[41:52] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1:
[41:52] It's not what I'm looking for.

Speaker 4:
[41:53] What would you call that? 1960s Haida Ashbery clut.

Speaker 1:
[42:00] Oh, oh, this one? Yeah. Yeah, this is probably... Yeah, that's like hippie clut for sure.

Speaker 4:
[42:07] That's hippie clut for sure. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Can we find something in our generation or in the 2000s, please?

Speaker 3:
[42:13] Such as?

Speaker 4:
[42:14] Beethoven. Oh, here we go. Yeah, that's... We're going farther back.

Speaker 1:
[42:19] We're a little closer.

Speaker 4:
[42:19] Yeah, this is Genghis Khan. No, I think this is Genghis Khan clut.

Speaker 1:
[42:22] It starts with S-H. I mean, if you want to play this...

Speaker 6:
[42:25] Yeah, let's go.

Speaker 4:
[42:26] Let's go.

Speaker 6:
[42:26] Let's...

Speaker 4:
[42:27] Forget the dog references. I think we're losing it.

Speaker 1:
[42:29] No, I can tell you. The Shar-Pei. Can we bring up the Shar-Pei?

Speaker 4:
[42:33] Oh, yeah, the Shar-Pei.

Speaker 6:
[42:33] Let's go to the Shar-Pei.

Speaker 2:
[42:34] I love a Shar-Pei, but... Okay, never mind.

Speaker 4:
[42:36] Please don't question the dog.

Speaker 6:
[42:37] I love Shar-Pei.

Speaker 1:
[42:38] Take a look at the Shar-Pei. Yeah. And, oh, that's a Shar-Pee.

Speaker 4:
[42:43] Okay, is that the Shar-Pei?

Speaker 6:
[42:44] Yeah.

Speaker 1:
[42:45] Yes. If we could see a full body shot of a Shar-Pei, please. A full body shot of a Shar-Pei.

Speaker 4:
[42:50] Yeah, yeah. I gotta fire my... Sorry, is the question... Is that a Shar-Pei?

Speaker 1:
[42:54] Yeah, that's not the best specimen, but if you look at the extreme Shar-Pei... Give me a better specimen, please.

Speaker 4:
[43:00] Give me an extreme Shar-Pei, please.

Speaker 1:
[43:01] They're crawling with flaps. There we go.

Speaker 4:
[43:03] Oh, there we go. Here we go.

Speaker 1:
[43:04] Now, try and find a clit on that whore, on that puppy.

Speaker 6:
[43:09] On that whore. On that whore.

Speaker 5:
[43:13] She is a whore.

Speaker 1:
[43:16] And this is the mystery of the vulva.

Speaker 6:
[43:19] I get it. I get it now.

Speaker 1:
[43:20] There are so many. That's like a can of Pringles that's filled out in the back of a John Deere truck.

Speaker 4:
[43:26] Yeah, I fully understand now.

Speaker 6:
[43:27] Look.

Speaker 4:
[43:27] There he goes. Yes.

Speaker 1:
[43:29] That's the easiest way I can put it. I mean, just try.

Speaker 4:
[43:33] It's like an endless ocean of flaps. Of flaps. Yeah.

Speaker 1:
[43:37] Flaps and ridges. Where do we go?

Speaker 4:
[43:39] Where do we look?

Speaker 1:
[43:40] Where do we look?

Speaker 4:
[43:42] Yeah, where do we look? Where do we look?

Speaker 1:
[43:43] Good luck.

Speaker 4:
[43:44] Yeah, good luck.

Speaker 1:
[43:45] I don't even know if I'm looking at his asshole now or his face.

Speaker 4:
[43:48] Exactly. Wow.

Speaker 1:
[43:50] Yeah. So I hope that helps.

Speaker 4:
[43:52] I hope that clears that up.

Speaker 1:
[43:53] This is what men see when you go to look for the clip.

Speaker 4:
[43:57] But specifically, you know, what is the, what is the role of the clitoris?

Speaker 6:
[44:09] Shopify, Shopify, Shopify, Shopify.

Speaker 4:
[44:14] We have an online business, we use Shopify. Do you know why? Starting something is hard. Is it not? Totally. I tried to make my own sock once.

Speaker 3:
[44:24] And you tried to sell it?

Speaker 4:
[44:25] I tried to sell my own sock.

Speaker 1:
[44:27] It was very difficult.

Speaker 4:
[44:29] And it's like starting your own business is hard. Is it not?

Speaker 3:
[44:33] It is.

Speaker 4:
[44:34] And when I was doing the sock, where I was like, I wish someone could help me, there was nothing like it.

Speaker 8:
[44:38] No one can help you.

Speaker 4:
[44:39] No one can help me, right? So I finished. And now it's just a toe sock.

Speaker 8:
[44:41] You finished in the sock?

Speaker 4:
[44:42] No, just a toe sock, right? But my point is that if you're starting an online business, Shopify will help you. Shopify is the commerce platform behind millions of businesses around the world and 10% of all e-commerce in the US from household names like Skims, Allbirds, TigerBelly, to brands just getting started as well.

Speaker 3:
[45:01] Like your sock business. What was it called?

Speaker 4:
[45:02] Yeah, socks.

Speaker 8:
[45:03] Socket Toomey.

Speaker 4:
[45:04] Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2:
[45:04] That's a real one.

Speaker 8:
[45:05] Oh, really?

Speaker 2:
[45:06] Yeah. Socket Toomey is a-

Speaker 4:
[45:07] Mine was just called sock. But get started with your own designs for you. With hundreds of ready-to-use templates, Shopify helps you build a beautiful online store that matches your brand style.

Speaker 2:
[45:17] Accelerate your efficiency whether you're uploading new products or trying to improve existing ones. Shopify is packed with helpful AI tools that write product descriptions, page headlines, and even enhance your product photography.

Speaker 4:
[45:29] Best yet, Shopify is your commerce expert with world-class expertise and everything from managing inventory to international shipping to processing returns and beyond.

Speaker 2:
[45:38] And Kat, what if people haven't heard about my brand?

Speaker 8:
[45:41] Well, that's okay. Shopify helps you find your customers with easy to run email and social media.

Speaker 2:
[45:46] But Kat, what if I get stuck?

Speaker 8:
[45:48] Oh, it's okay. Shopify is always around to share advice with their award-winning 24-7 customer support.

Speaker 4:
[45:54] Talk about the purple button, please. And did I mention the iconic purple button?

Speaker 3:
[45:59] So you wanted to bring it.

Speaker 4:
[45:59] I wanted to bring it. The shop pay button that's used by millions of businesses around the world. It's why Shopify has the best converting checkout on the planet. It also helps boost conversions, meeting less cards, going abandoned, and more sales for you.

Speaker 3:
[46:14] It's time to turn those what ifs into with Shopify today. Sign up for your $1 per month trial at shopify.com/tigerbelly. Go to shopify.com/tigerbelly. That's shopify.com/tigerbelly.

Speaker 4:
[46:29] What is the role of the clitoris?

Speaker 1:
[46:34] The role of the clitoris, it's sort of the miniaturized man penis. It's there to create stimuli, it's there to create sexual arousal. It's there for the woman to have a pleasure center during coitus.

Speaker 4:
[46:51] Oh, is that a season or a ritual?

Speaker 1:
[46:53] It's a season.

Speaker 4:
[46:53] It's a season.

Speaker 1:
[46:55] It's that two-week window when spring's just turning into winter.

Speaker 4:
[46:59] Yes, I've heard of it. I wear a funny hat that two weeks. I do the dance.

Speaker 1:
[47:03] It's almost fall, but it's not quite.

Speaker 4:
[47:04] We've been to the festival.

Speaker 1:
[47:06] Yeah, the Coitus Festival. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 4:
[47:08] There's one 40 miles of Alhambra. There's a beautiful Coitus Festival.

Speaker 1:
[47:13] By the way.

Speaker 4:
[47:13] We wear the dresses, the white hats, and we do the dance.

Speaker 1:
[47:17] You want to do the dance? Let's do the Coitus.

Speaker 4:
[47:19] The Coitus dance. Here we go. I don't know if you remember, but yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You started that? Okay, that was it. That's pretty much it. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1:
[47:32] Wow. I think I just threw my ass out.

Speaker 4:
[47:34] Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But if you go to the Coitus Festival, it's beautiful.

Speaker 1:
[47:39] Well, also, I mentioned earlier...

Speaker 4:
[47:41] I don't know why you and I are the only one people there, but you know...

Speaker 1:
[47:44] Who cares?

Speaker 4:
[47:45] Yeah, yeah, who cares?

Speaker 1:
[47:46] We do things our way, but I might add that I mentioned earlier I walked sideways like a horseshoe crab after the European WAC Center earlier.

Speaker 4:
[47:56] Yes.

Speaker 1:
[47:57] The Coitus Festival, I walked in a zigzag for four weeks because that's intense. Sorry, what was your question?

Speaker 4:
[48:07] No, there was a...

Speaker 2:
[48:07] That was a question.

Speaker 4:
[48:08] My question was what the role was, and you answered it perfectly. Yeah.

Speaker 1:
[48:11] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2:
[48:11] The Pleasure Center.

Speaker 1:
[48:13] It's a pleasure center for women. Go pee, go pee.

Speaker 4:
[48:15] Yeah, go pee.

Speaker 5:
[48:16] I'm going to find the clitoris.

Speaker 1:
[48:18] Whoa.

Speaker 5:
[48:19] What? Okay, wrong timing.

Speaker 2:
[48:22] He literally had to write to me, I got to pee. And I wrote back, go pee.

Speaker 1:
[48:28] That's code for loaf, you know that.

Speaker 4:
[48:30] I know, I know that.

Speaker 2:
[48:31] Yeah.

Speaker 1:
[48:31] Like, anyone could hold a pee. Like, you could be uncomfortable and hold a pee, but when you're holding a loaf. No, he's...

Speaker 4:
[48:39] Also, and people don't know this, so he has a major in the anal, anus.

Speaker 1:
[48:46] Anus.

Speaker 4:
[48:46] Yeah, I mean, he has a minor in clitoris.

Speaker 1:
[48:49] Yeah.

Speaker 4:
[48:49] Right, but he also, before, you wanted to be a zoologist, because you talk about animals all the time.

Speaker 1:
[48:55] Icthology, the study of fish.

Speaker 6:
[48:57] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1:
[48:57] Zoologist, marine biologist.

Speaker 6:
[49:00] Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 4:
[49:00] He loves Korean biology. Yeah, and it involves Kareem Abdul-Jabbar. And he's involved as well. That's what they call it, Kareem, you know. But anyway, I'm happy to answer your questions. I'm happy to be here. Yeah, yeah. So he was a zoologist, and if people don't know this, but Dr. Williams, may I call you that?

Speaker 1:
[49:20] Professor.

Speaker 4:
[49:21] Professor Williams, yeah, has discovered six species. Two in the ocean, two on land, one in the air, and one in the unknown. Would you like to talk about all of them or the only specific ones?

Speaker 1:
[49:36] If you want to pick, you pick the category. I'm open to talking to all or one or three, whatever you want.

Speaker 4:
[49:42] Yeah, well, what is the rarest sea animal that you discovered that was in the ocean, and what part of the ocean and the description of this animal, please?

Speaker 1:
[49:49] Okay, so there's a sub-species of the anglerfish. Are you familiar with the anglerfish?

Speaker 4:
[49:54] I love the anglerfish.

Speaker 1:
[49:55] You're familiar with it?

Speaker 4:
[49:56] We just said we loved it.

Speaker 1:
[49:58] But I have a feeling you're patronizing, I think you're PPing me, patronizing the professor.

Speaker 4:
[50:03] Pull up an anglerfish, please.

Speaker 1:
[50:04] Wait, wait, don't pull it up.

Speaker 2:
[50:05] Don't pull it up, don't pull it up.

Speaker 1:
[50:06] Why don't you tell us what it looks like?

Speaker 2:
[50:08] Oh, and tell, Bobby.

Speaker 1:
[50:10] Larry, Larry lullaby eyes.

Speaker 2:
[50:12] And Bobby, tell us, tell us.

Speaker 4:
[50:14] An anglerfish has antennas that go big.

Speaker 2:
[50:16] Okay, and tell us what happens with the male and the female.

Speaker 4:
[50:19] What?

Speaker 2:
[50:20] There's something very specific that happens.

Speaker 4:
[50:22] Wait, those angle, those things, right?

Speaker 2:
[50:24] Okay.

Speaker 4:
[50:25] Are there eyeballs?

Speaker 1:
[50:26] Oh, no.

Speaker 4:
[50:27] Yeah, doctor?

Speaker 1:
[50:28] It's not their eyeballs.

Speaker 4:
[50:29] It's their anus?

Speaker 2:
[50:30] It's their light bulb.

Speaker 4:
[50:31] It's their light bulb. But do they not have a thing, one thing? Coming out, right? And it's got a light at the end of it, right? But I don't know how they thicc. The angler fish we're familiar with, but you discovered a...

Speaker 2:
[50:43] Different species.

Speaker 1:
[50:44] Yes, this is called, and it blends into my other research, it's the anual fish. And what it does, the angler fish has a pressivus that comes out.

Speaker 4:
[50:57] Yes.

Speaker 1:
[50:57] And it uses it as a fishing lure, it angles.

Speaker 4:
[51:02] It's tricky.

Speaker 1:
[51:02] Well, it tricks fish, and they're really deep. They're really deep down in that thing you were talking about.

Speaker 4:
[51:09] But why is it different than the angler?

Speaker 1:
[51:11] Because this one, instead of coming out of its forehead, it has an extension coming out of its anus.

Speaker 4:
[51:20] I see.

Speaker 1:
[51:21] Yeah.

Speaker 4:
[51:22] And another bulb.

Speaker 1:
[51:23] Yeah, it has a lure, and instead of eating fish on the front end, this one lures fish in and it shits in their faces. Why? I don't know. That's mother, what am I, mother nature? I know, but you're the one that- I just study it.

Speaker 4:
[51:39] I know, but that's all you gathered from all your-

Speaker 1:
[51:42] Well, some animals are just, they're about vengeance. Like the hyena and the African lion.

Speaker 4:
[51:48] Yes.

Speaker 1:
[51:49] They have a very antagonistic relationship where the lion, who is a apex predator, will kill a hyena but not eat it. He will just kill it because it's competition.

Speaker 4:
[52:02] It's competition.

Speaker 1:
[52:03] So the angler fish, it's in a very, very limited space where there's very limited food way down in the depth.

Speaker 4:
[52:12] But there's a lot of, no one's around, though.

Speaker 1:
[52:13] There's other fish, but it doesn't need the competition, so it lures them in, shits in their faces, off they go.

Speaker 4:
[52:21] But my argument would be, if you go that deep into the ocean, literally fish will probably go through a day without even seeing another fish.

Speaker 1:
[52:31] Right.

Speaker 4:
[52:31] There's a lot of space.

Speaker 1:
[52:32] Right.

Speaker 4:
[52:32] Why would it shit in its own face? Or shit in somebody else's face?

Speaker 1:
[52:36] Because it doesn't want the competition.

Speaker 4:
[52:38] There's not a lot of competition down there.

Speaker 1:
[52:40] But anything's competition down there.

Speaker 4:
[52:43] Oh, I see. Let's talk about the air animal that you discovered.

Speaker 1:
[52:50] Oh, the air animal, okay.

Speaker 4:
[52:51] What's it called again?

Speaker 1:
[52:53] Well, it's a subspecies of the osprey, which is a...

Speaker 4:
[52:58] What is an osprey?

Speaker 2:
[52:59] I love ospreys.

Speaker 4:
[53:00] Tell me what an osprey is.

Speaker 2:
[53:02] Well, they're very, very...

Speaker 4:
[53:04] Describe them.

Speaker 2:
[53:05] They're seabirds.

Speaker 1:
[53:06] They're raptors. They're flying predators with very elongated talons.

Speaker 4:
[53:10] Yes.

Speaker 1:
[53:11] And they're diving prey birds. They dive into, they smash themselves into the water and pull up fish.

Speaker 4:
[53:17] Yes.

Speaker 1:
[53:18] And there's a subspecies...

Speaker 5:
[53:22] Kind of like a shoebill, right?

Speaker 1:
[53:24] Pardon you?

Speaker 9:
[53:25] Like a shoebill?

Speaker 1:
[53:26] A shoebill. No, that's a completely different... A shoebill is more of a beach land wandering bird with a shoe...

Speaker 4:
[53:37] You don't have to answer.

Speaker 5:
[53:39] Well, it's a question, right?

Speaker 1:
[53:40] Yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 4:
[53:41] Yeah.

Speaker 1:
[53:42] There's your osprey. Boom.

Speaker 4:
[53:44] Boom. Yeah.

Speaker 1:
[53:45] Yeah. So this is a very specialized way of hunting, that most birds can't do this.

Speaker 4:
[53:52] It's incredible.

Speaker 1:
[53:53] And their success rate is great, and they sort of have the market on fish.

Speaker 4:
[54:00] Yeah. So push pause.

Speaker 1:
[54:01] And so what happened is there's a subspecies called the bugle crow.

Speaker 4:
[54:09] Yes.

Speaker 1:
[54:09] And basically, these crows have adapted and evolved. They go to 7-Eleven dumpsters.

Speaker 4:
[54:15] Oh.

Speaker 1:
[54:16] They pull out bugles, put them on their feet, and now they've got the talons of a osprey, and wham, they're going in. And this is... Boy, oh, boy. It's like you're mocking me.

Speaker 5:
[54:33] And you're worried. It makes perfect sense.

Speaker 1:
[54:37] Well, they just want to eat, Guy.

Speaker 4:
[54:38] I know, Guy, but...

Speaker 1:
[54:39] Guy.

Speaker 4:
[54:40] They go to the dumpster, and they... Every finger.

Speaker 1:
[54:44] Yeah, on every claw, they put a bugle.

Speaker 4:
[54:47] Yeah.

Speaker 1:
[54:47] And now they got bigger talons than a osprey. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They're not missing.

Speaker 4:
[54:51] What's a bugle?

Speaker 2:
[54:52] They're the ones with the...

Speaker 1:
[54:53] Pull up bugle, for god's sake.

Speaker 2:
[54:54] Like nails with the triangular pointed...

Speaker 1:
[54:57] Pull up... The chips.

Speaker 2:
[54:58] The chips.

Speaker 1:
[54:59] Pull up the bugle. Not the bag, the actual thing. Show the bugle.

Speaker 4:
[55:03] I've eaten bugles at the airport before, yeah.

Speaker 1:
[55:06] Show the bugle.

Speaker 4:
[55:07] Oh, that's what you...

Speaker 1:
[55:08] Show the bugle.

Speaker 4:
[55:09] My argument, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1:
[55:10] Yeah, show the bugle.

Speaker 4:
[55:12] All right, but here's my argument against that.

Speaker 1:
[55:14] Show the bugle.

Speaker 6:
[55:15] Okay, yeah, yeah. Bugle.

Speaker 4:
[55:17] My argument against that. I'm sorry for being...

Speaker 1:
[55:20] No worries.

Speaker 4:
[55:21] My argument against bugle is that wouldn't the bugle just snap when it goes into the water? First of all, does it go into the water? I don't...

Speaker 1:
[55:31] And you thought I was lying. I got you, Professor.

Speaker 4:
[55:35] Does it go into the water?

Speaker 1:
[55:37] Yes.

Speaker 4:
[55:37] Doesn't the bugle get wet, and it just becomes like, you know, too moist for the talons to go into the skin of the fish?

Speaker 1:
[55:44] Have you ever punched a fish?

Speaker 4:
[55:47] No, I've never have.

Speaker 1:
[55:48] Okay, they're not brick. They're meat.

Speaker 4:
[55:50] They're soft. I understand that.

Speaker 1:
[55:52] You go in at 70 miles an hour with 10 bugles, you're going through a tuna like Golly Parton goes through a lemon meringue pie on a Friday night, and she's already got diarrhea.

Speaker 4:
[56:05] Does flavor count?

Speaker 1:
[56:06] What do you mean?

Speaker 4:
[56:07] The bugle flavors.

Speaker 1:
[56:09] You could have ranch, you could have sour cream and onion. It's how you like your fish seasoned.

Speaker 4:
[56:15] Oh, I see. They pre-season it with the claws.

Speaker 1:
[56:19] Well, yeah, if you've got a sour cream and a bugle.

Speaker 4:
[56:21] Wow, that's so brilliant.

Speaker 1:
[56:23] And you penetrate that soft flesh of a fish.

Speaker 4:
[56:25] It's like eating sour cream.

Speaker 1:
[56:26] It's going to permeate throughout the fish. You're going to have a nice onion.

Speaker 4:
[56:29] Yeah, or barbecue flavors, or salmon or whatever it might be.

Speaker 1:
[56:34] Blackened catfish without having to go to the oven.

Speaker 4:
[56:36] That's really brilliant. I did not know that.

Speaker 1:
[56:38] Well, this is mother nature.

Speaker 4:
[56:39] How did you discover it? You were at a 7-Eleven?

Speaker 1:
[56:42] No, I studied. I'm not at the drive, for God's sake.

Speaker 5:
[56:45] Next to the 7-Eleven.

Speaker 4:
[56:46] Yeah, yeah, yeah. This last animal I would like to talk about is...

Speaker 1:
[56:53] We did air and we did water.

Speaker 4:
[56:56] Should we do land and other?

Speaker 1:
[56:57] Land, sure.

Speaker 4:
[56:58] But other, I love that. I've been reading that book that you wrote.

Speaker 1:
[57:03] The land...

Speaker 4:
[57:04] Let's talk about the land animal.

Speaker 6:
[57:08] It's almost an hour. I know, but people want to learn.

Speaker 1:
[57:13] People love to learn.

Speaker 4:
[57:14] Dude, this is like a diary of CEO. They want to learn about things. Right, Khalyla?

Speaker 2:
[57:19] Yeah, no, I'm locked in.

Speaker 4:
[57:20] You are?

Speaker 6:
[57:21] Dude, I've learned so much.

Speaker 1:
[57:23] I didn't lose you at Clit.

Speaker 2:
[57:24] No.

Speaker 4:
[57:27] What have we learned today so far?

Speaker 1:
[57:28] Anus.

Speaker 2:
[57:29] Oh, I can give you a whole... You can test me on anything and I remembered every single detail.

Speaker 4:
[57:36] The Black Crow, the double angler.

Speaker 2:
[57:38] It's called a bugle crow.

Speaker 4:
[57:39] Yeah, the bugle, the double angler. There he is, right in the water. In the water. Oh, they don't fucking disintegrate.

Speaker 6:
[57:45] Wow.

Speaker 4:
[57:46] You have the photo to prove it.

Speaker 6:
[57:48] Thank you so much for that.

Speaker 1:
[57:49] And that's a testament to the food we eat today and put in our body.

Speaker 4:
[57:53] Because it's full of chemicals.

Speaker 1:
[57:56] That's a testament to how...

Speaker 4:
[57:58] Not a good thing.

Speaker 1:
[57:59] Well, not to you.

Speaker 4:
[58:02] But for the Black Crow, brilliant. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Interesting. And so we've learned a lot. So what do we learn today with the Anus, the Clitori? What else have we learned?

Speaker 2:
[58:10] Do we do the Anuangler fish in the Marianas Trench?

Speaker 4:
[58:14] Yes.

Speaker 2:
[58:15] Right?

Speaker 4:
[58:15] Yes. Which is also a restaurant.

Speaker 2:
[58:18] It is?

Speaker 4:
[58:19] Yeah.

Speaker 6:
[58:19] But the spaghetti.

Speaker 2:
[58:21] I didn't know that.

Speaker 6:
[58:21] Yeah.

Speaker 4:
[58:22] Yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 6:
[58:22] The sauce.

Speaker 2:
[58:23] Oh, I thought you meant like in real life.

Speaker 6:
[58:25] Sorry.

Speaker 4:
[58:28] Yeah. In real life.

Speaker 2:
[58:29] I thought that the restaurant was a Marinara Trench, not the Marianas Trench.

Speaker 4:
[58:34] Well, sometimes I pronounce like, I say Panona bread.

Speaker 1:
[58:37] Yeah.

Speaker 2:
[58:37] Yeah.

Speaker 4:
[58:38] Yeah. So anyway.

Speaker 1:
[58:39] By the way, Panera bread. Have you ever gotten their soup bowls that are made out of bread?

Speaker 4:
[58:45] Oh, yes.

Speaker 1:
[58:46] I went about a week ago. I got one of these soup bowls with the cream of chicken wild rice.

Speaker 4:
[58:52] Was it wild though?

Speaker 1:
[58:53] It was wild.

Speaker 4:
[58:54] Okay, good.

Speaker 1:
[58:55] And they put they put they don't put it in a ceramic bowl. They put it in bread. And it's about it's somewhere between a bowling ball and a softball. It's like right in the middle. And I'm driving down a Ventura Boulevard the other day. I got one hand on the, you know, that the Dodge neon steering wheel. And I got a bread bowl in the other hand. And I see a kid walking his dog. And this kid had braces and zits and...

Speaker 4:
[59:22] And I know you don't... That bothers you.

Speaker 1:
[59:24] It bothers me. I just, I wanted to eat this soup, but I just threw it out the window, hit the kid in the head, and kind of the perfect size with the soup, it lubed it and he had a bread helmet on and there's no visor in it. And he walked right into a wall and got killed. And all that for $4.97 on the soup. Wow.

Speaker 4:
[59:47] So you don't need to buy a gun these days. Just go get a Panera Bread Bowl.

Speaker 1:
[59:51] Have fun with soup.

Speaker 4:
[59:52] Yeah, have fun with soup. Can we go to Land Animal?

Speaker 1:
[59:54] Yeah.

Speaker 4:
[59:55] So you were in, what country were you in? Cambodia.

Speaker 1:
[59:58] Yeah.

Speaker 4:
[59:59] Were you not?

Speaker 1:
[59:59] I've been to Cambodia twice.

Speaker 4:
[60:01] No, but this Land Animal that you discovered, was it Cambodia or Vietnam?

Speaker 1:
[60:04] It was Cambodia.

Speaker 4:
[60:06] On the border, I think, right?

Speaker 1:
[60:07] It was on the border.

Speaker 4:
[60:09] Yes.

Speaker 1:
[60:09] And it was on the border of Vietnam and Cambodia.

Speaker 4:
[60:13] Yes.

Speaker 1:
[60:14] Which is a tough area. Have you ever been down there?

Speaker 4:
[60:17] Oh, that's where I party.

Speaker 1:
[60:19] Talk to me.

Speaker 4:
[60:20] Yeah. There's a rave there once a year. It's kind of like the, there's a Kanura event.

Speaker 1:
[60:27] What's it called?

Speaker 4:
[60:28] What? Kanura event. Kanura? Yeah. What's the big one? What is it?

Speaker 1:
[60:33] I don't know.

Speaker 7:
[60:33] The Coitus Festival. The Coitus Festival.

Speaker 1:
[60:36] Yeah.

Speaker 4:
[60:36] Let me think that again.

Speaker 3:
[60:37] The Canaris?

Speaker 1:
[60:38] Yeah.

Speaker 4:
[60:39] Is it Coitus Festival?

Speaker 3:
[60:40] Coitus Festival.

Speaker 4:
[60:40] There's a Coitus Festival there.

Speaker 1:
[60:42] Oh, why haven't we gone?

Speaker 4:
[60:45] Well, because you always want me to buy your ticket.

Speaker 5:
[60:47] Yeah.

Speaker 4:
[60:48] Yeah.

Speaker 5:
[60:48] Yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 4:
[60:48] So there's a Coitus Festival there. And yes, I've been on the border there.

Speaker 1:
[60:52] Okay.

Speaker 4:
[60:53] They love it.

Speaker 1:
[60:54] They love, love, love it.

Speaker 4:
[60:55] Two weeks in the jungles of Vietnam, Cambodia to the Coitus Festival.

Speaker 1:
[60:59] Love.

Speaker 4:
[61:00] And you know, we can.

Speaker 1:
[61:01] Yeah. Do the.

Speaker 4:
[61:02] Yeah.

Speaker 1:
[61:02] Come, Santa, please.

Speaker 4:
[61:03] Yeah. Wow, wow.

Speaker 1:
[61:13] Coitus 26.

Speaker 5:
[61:15] Yeah. What's up? Oh, she asked me a question.

Speaker 6:
[61:20] What was the question? I didn't ask a question. What was the question?

Speaker 2:
[61:24] I literally didn't ask a question. What was my question, Hymen?

Speaker 5:
[61:28] The question you just asked me.

Speaker 3:
[61:30] Did you just, did Hymen?

Speaker 2:
[61:31] Because Hymen scribbled.

Speaker 4:
[61:32] Hey, my notes.

Speaker 5:
[61:33] Okay, I'm not cheating.

Speaker 2:
[61:35] Okay.

Speaker 4:
[61:36] I'm sorry, doctor.

Speaker 1:
[61:37] No. It's a brain teaser.

Speaker 4:
[61:38] Professor.

Speaker 2:
[61:39] It's a what?

Speaker 5:
[61:40] It's a brain teaser.

Speaker 1:
[61:43] Oh.

Speaker 5:
[61:43] I'm sorry, professor.

Speaker 1:
[61:44] Don't worry.

Speaker 4:
[61:45] You weren't at the festival, but you were in, why were you in the Vietnam-Cambodia border?

Speaker 1:
[61:50] We were searching.

Speaker 4:
[61:51] Who's we?

Speaker 1:
[61:53] Well, me and my friends.

Speaker 4:
[61:55] Okay.

Speaker 1:
[61:56] Up here.

Speaker 4:
[61:57] Okay.

Speaker 1:
[61:59] We were searching for a subspecies of the American horny toad. Have you heard of these lizards?

Speaker 2:
[62:10] I've heard of the horny toad.

Speaker 4:
[62:12] Yeah. Not familiar though.

Speaker 1:
[62:13] Yeah. The horny toad.

Speaker 4:
[62:15] That's the Kodas Festival that we go to.

Speaker 1:
[62:17] There it is. There it is. Oh, the memories.

Speaker 4:
[62:19] Oh, the memories at that festival.

Speaker 5:
[62:21] Wow.

Speaker 1:
[62:22] We had a fucking good time.

Speaker 4:
[62:23] Oh, there's a 2020, has it happened yet?

Speaker 5:
[62:26] Has it?

Speaker 4:
[62:27] Has it happened yet? 2020, it already happened.

Speaker 1:
[62:31] It happened.

Speaker 4:
[62:32] We missed it.

Speaker 1:
[62:32] We missed it.

Speaker 4:
[62:33] We missed it this year. Oh, that's unfortunate.

Speaker 1:
[62:36] But you know what? Next week, Coitus Cella is happening.

Speaker 4:
[62:39] Oh, really?

Speaker 1:
[62:40] Who's playing? A couple of, uh-huh.

Speaker 4:
[62:45] Let's go to the other animal.

Speaker 1:
[62:47] Yeah. The sub-species.

Speaker 4:
[62:50] We're still going with the?

Speaker 1:
[62:51] Of the horny toad.

Speaker 4:
[62:52] Oh, we're still going to go there.

Speaker 5:
[62:53] Yeah.

Speaker 4:
[62:54] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1:
[62:56] What was that?

Speaker 5:
[62:58] The sound the horny toad makes.

Speaker 1:
[63:00] Let's hear it.

Speaker 5:
[63:03] Move it, move it, move it, move it. Right? Yeah. Is it? It's good.

Speaker 1:
[63:12] Yeah.

Speaker 4:
[63:12] I've never seen it.

Speaker 5:
[63:13] Yeah. Well, it's nice you did it.

Speaker 1:
[63:15] Nice job, guy.

Speaker 5:
[63:16] Thank you.

Speaker 4:
[63:17] So, having him spend the night a couple of nights, you've taught him some things.

Speaker 5:
[63:24] Maybe.

Speaker 1:
[63:27] But the horny toad, I don't know if you know this about the horny toad. You probably know this, Khalyla.

Speaker 2:
[63:33] I only know about the horny toad because I picked one up where I've met a couple on my hikes in the desert.

Speaker 1:
[63:39] And did you know what their defense mechanism is? We call them the period lizards. Okay. They shoot blood out of their eyes. As a defense mechanism, they literally shoot blood directly, streams of blood.

Speaker 4:
[63:57] That doesn't seem right.

Speaker 1:
[63:58] It doesn't.

Speaker 4:
[63:59] I've never heard of it.

Speaker 1:
[64:00] The period lizard.

Speaker 4:
[64:01] Honestly, go Google that to see if that is true.

Speaker 1:
[64:03] About the horny toad?

Speaker 4:
[64:05] About the horny toad or the period lizard?

Speaker 1:
[64:06] The horny toad.

Speaker 4:
[64:07] The horny toad. The horny toad's defense mechanism, it shoots blood out of their eyes. I've never heard of that before.

Speaker 1:
[64:12] Yeah.

Speaker 4:
[64:13] Can you really Google it? Don't make it up.

Speaker 1:
[64:15] The way a skunk shoots ass off out of its ass.

Speaker 4:
[64:18] Yeah.

Speaker 1:
[64:20] You're absolutely correct.

Speaker 4:
[64:22] You're absolutely correct. It shoots blood. Yeah. And what kind of blood is it?

Speaker 1:
[64:26] Well, we call them, adoringly, we call them the period lizard.

Speaker 4:
[64:31] Yeah, but how do you know it's that blood?

Speaker 1:
[64:33] Well, they can only defend themselves once a month.

Speaker 4:
[64:38] I see. That's why you call it.

Speaker 1:
[64:40] Yeah.

Speaker 4:
[64:41] So that's what a horny toad does.

Speaker 1:
[64:44] Yeah.

Speaker 4:
[64:44] And you discovered in the borders of Vietnam and Cambodia what...

Speaker 1:
[64:48] We discovered a sub-species called the Tampax lizard. And we brought the two together and they're almost inseparable.

Speaker 4:
[64:59] Yes.

Speaker 1:
[65:00] Once a month, they get together and they do a mating dance. And the horny toad squirts blood onto the Tampax lizard. And it's one of these symbiotic nature relationships. It's like how the remora fish sticks to the side of a shark. The remora fish will stick to it, or the cleaner fish that go into the mouth of the barracuda. The horny toad will squirt his blood on the tampon lizard. And it's like you think about God and how he takes the symbiotic relationships between nature and all its creatures. Wow. And so this is something me and my team were able to bring together.

Speaker 4:
[65:42] Yeah.

Speaker 1:
[65:43] You did ask.

Speaker 4:
[65:43] That's so interesting.

Speaker 1:
[65:44] Yeah.

Speaker 4:
[65:45] Like certain birds will land on a mammal to pick off like little insects and stuff like that. They have a symbiotic relationship.

Speaker 1:
[65:52] Yes. That's called the oxpecker.

Speaker 4:
[65:55] Yeah, the oxpecker, yes.

Speaker 1:
[65:56] It will land on a wildebeest or it will land on a Cape buffalo or a giraffe. And it will pick blood-filled ticks.

Speaker 4:
[66:06] Yes. Yes.

Speaker 1:
[66:07] Off the mammal, said mammal, and in essence aids with their health.

Speaker 4:
[66:13] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1:
[66:14] Oh, there we go.

Speaker 4:
[66:15] Yeah, the oxpecker, yeah, pecker, yeah.

Speaker 1:
[66:16] Yeah. Is there a shot of the Tampax lizard, though? It is a new species. It is a new-

Speaker 4:
[66:23] Well, you discovered it.

Speaker 1:
[66:24] It might not be there yet.

Speaker 4:
[66:25] Two months ago. So, I mean, I don't know.

Speaker 1:
[66:27] It might not be there yet. We might not have it yet, but- It might not be.

Speaker 4:
[66:30] Let's start.

Speaker 1:
[66:31] We haven't released this.

Speaker 4:
[66:32] The last thing that we needed to talk about is, this is the most important one. You said you discovered a species, not land, not air, not water, and you said other.

Speaker 1:
[66:43] This is tough.

Speaker 4:
[66:43] Yeah, this is a tough one. So, it could be interdimensional. It also can be a space thing.

Speaker 2:
[66:52] But how did you even discover it?

Speaker 1:
[66:54] Okay, this is a toughy, but...

Speaker 2:
[66:57] Where were you? Out in outer space?

Speaker 1:
[67:00] No, I didn't say it was outer space. It does lean into what you're saying, but let's use the word mythical. Okay?

Speaker 4:
[67:08] Okay, well, that would still apply.

Speaker 1:
[67:09] There's a lot of ambiguity around it.

Speaker 4:
[67:11] I understand that. That would still apply that it was in land, water or air. Even when you say mythical.

Speaker 1:
[67:17] Mythical means...

Speaker 4:
[67:18] Because in Lord of the Rings...

Speaker 1:
[67:20] Yes, but we live in the real world, the Loch Ness Monster is mythical. The Chupacabra is... There it is. Oh my God. Oh my God, there it is. I didn't realize... Okay, that's been leaked.

Speaker 6:
[67:37] Yeah.

Speaker 1:
[67:39] Oh my God.

Speaker 6:
[67:42] That...

Speaker 4:
[67:44] Yeah, you took that photo. I remember you taking that photo.

Speaker 1:
[67:47] I was a little mad.

Speaker 4:
[67:47] Yeah, you texted me that photo.

Speaker 1:
[67:49] I wasn't... I haven't released my papers on it yet.

Speaker 6:
[67:51] Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Wow.

Speaker 1:
[67:53] But anyway, the proof is in the period.

Speaker 4:
[67:56] Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1:
[67:59] That's funny.

Speaker 4:
[68:00] Yeah, yeah. Okay, so...

Speaker 1:
[68:03] Boy, that picture is really cramped in there, isn't he?

Speaker 4:
[68:05] Yeah, it's very good.

Speaker 1:
[68:06] Yeah. It's a bloody good picture. He's really cramped in there. That's all I'm going to say about a period.

Speaker 4:
[68:11] I also, if you could... Because I know that Professor Williams... I know Professor Williams took a photo of when the two lizards met and the spraying effect.

Speaker 1:
[68:24] Oh, boy.

Speaker 4:
[68:26] Oh, boy.

Speaker 1:
[68:26] You're making my mouth water. What a day that was.

Speaker 7:
[68:29] We'll give you a second on that one.

Speaker 4:
[68:31] No, you will have to try to... With your research team while we talk about the other mythical. Okay, so here we go.

Speaker 1:
[68:37] Okay, so this is a toughy to talk about. Maybe some people don't believe it.

Speaker 4:
[68:43] I still don't believe it.

Speaker 1:
[68:44] But our research, it was in a mountainous area of, believe it or not, not too far from here. Where? Glendale, California.

Speaker 4:
[68:56] Wow, really? Literally 10 minutes from here.

Speaker 1:
[68:59] Stay with me.

Speaker 4:
[69:00] Literally 10 minutes from here.

Speaker 1:
[69:01] 10, 20 minutes from here. If there's traffic.

Speaker 4:
[69:03] Incredible.

Speaker 1:
[69:03] 20 minutes. And this is the beauty of mythical creatures. You don't know when, how, or where they're gonna show up. If they even exist.

Speaker 4:
[69:13] Okay.

Speaker 1:
[69:14] And the nearest parallel I can give to this is Yeti, Bigfoot, Sousquiatch. We've all heard of them. You've heard of Sousquiatch?

Speaker 4:
[69:26] No, no, no.

Speaker 1:
[69:27] Yeti, the Abominable Snowman, Bigfoot.

Speaker 4:
[69:30] Oh yes, I have.

Speaker 1:
[69:30] Sousquiatch.

Speaker 4:
[69:32] Yeah, yeah, I've heard of them.

Speaker 1:
[69:33] Have you heard of Sousquiatch? What about you, Gumbelbump, Fimbledy Dump, Flumber Dump, the Dimble Dump? Have you heard of Sousquiatch?

Speaker 5:
[69:43] No, I've heard of Sousquiatch.

Speaker 1:
[69:47] Yeah, that's it.

Speaker 5:
[69:47] Yeah.

Speaker 1:
[69:48] Yeah, you're in the wheelhouse.

Speaker 4:
[69:49] In the wheelhouse. Very good.

Speaker 1:
[69:51] So this was almost one of these fluke discoveries. I was actually driving through... Oh, there it is. There it is.

Speaker 4:
[69:59] That's the photo. It snuck up right behind us.

Speaker 1:
[70:02] Wow. Did we do it?

Speaker 4:
[70:10] Are you mad?

Speaker 1:
[70:10] I'm sort of. That's my research. That's because of me that that research exists. Oh, my God. That's so funny. It's bloody good.

Speaker 5:
[70:26] Can you have these as pets?

Speaker 4:
[70:27] You're a really good research team.

Speaker 1:
[70:29] What's that?

Speaker 5:
[70:30] Can you have these as pets?

Speaker 1:
[70:31] You can. I can.

Speaker 4:
[70:33] Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, my God. Well, I love it. Apex.

Speaker 1:
[70:40] Well, now, that's a frog.

Speaker 4:
[70:44] That's a frog on frog crime.

Speaker 1:
[70:48] So here we go. Glendale.

Speaker 4:
[70:51] Yeah, Glendale.

Speaker 1:
[70:52] And wherever there's mountains. And let's be honest. You look out the window.

Speaker 4:
[70:56] We've been honest this whole time.

Speaker 1:
[70:59] I know, but I'm just thinking a lot of your viewers, Khalyla, have never been to Glendale. They don't realize the vast amount of mountain range that's behind that city. There's a lot of mountains there. It's huge. Burbank. It's the Sierra Nevadas as far as I... Can you check? Is it the Sierra? It isn't?

Speaker 2:
[71:18] No.

Speaker 1:
[71:18] What is the mountain range there?

Speaker 2:
[71:21] It's not. It's Angela's Crest.

Speaker 1:
[71:23] Can we check on that? The mountain range behind up in Glendale is running north towards Cher's house.

Speaker 4:
[71:36] Cher does live there, huh?

Speaker 3:
[71:37] The Verdugo Mountains?

Speaker 2:
[71:38] No, Verdugo Mountains, yeah.

Speaker 1:
[71:40] Not the Sierra Nevadas?

Speaker 4:
[71:42] No, no, no.

Speaker 2:
[71:42] That's further up.

Speaker 1:
[71:44] Okay.

Speaker 4:
[71:44] Well, you're not a topographer. Why would you know?

Speaker 3:
[71:46] Doctor, there is...

Speaker 1:
[71:47] Well, I'm wearing a top right now.

Speaker 3:
[71:48] Doctor, your video footage released.

Speaker 4:
[71:51] Oh, wow. There it is.

Speaker 6:
[71:53] Wow, yeah.

Speaker 4:
[71:54] There it is.

Speaker 3:
[71:55] Yeah.

Speaker 1:
[71:56] Yeah.

Speaker 3:
[71:57] Sorry, we had to do that.

Speaker 1:
[71:58] And again, you'll only see this once a month, so this is rare.

Speaker 4:
[72:02] Yeah, this is rare.

Speaker 1:
[72:03] Yeah.

Speaker 6:
[72:07] How do we do it?

Speaker 2:
[72:09] This is crazy. This is crazy, dude.

Speaker 1:
[72:12] And you should... This is why they live in Keb, because it's arid. You get one of those Tampax lizards in the rain, and it just swells up. It's unbelievable. They can hardly move.

Speaker 4:
[72:22] Didn't you take a video of the black crow with the Pugles? Didn't you do that? Yeah. Yeah. That's really easy to find, that video. So anyway, yes. So the other...

Speaker 1:
[72:35] The other, the mystical one.

Speaker 4:
[72:37] There's a mountain range. We don't know what it is.

Speaker 1:
[72:39] Mountain range. So I'm always on the search to debunk these mythical creatures. Who doesn't want to know the answer to Bigfoot, Yeti, Sausquieu?

Speaker 4:
[72:48] I never wanted to know.

Speaker 1:
[72:49] You didn't?

Speaker 4:
[72:50] No.

Speaker 1:
[72:50] Okay, let's wrap up the show. Let's wrap up the show. He doesn't want... No, I'm kidding.

Speaker 4:
[72:56] Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1:
[72:57] Why don't you want to know about Bigfoot?

Speaker 4:
[72:59] I'll be honest, Professor. I don't really... I've never really believed in that specific mythology.

Speaker 1:
[73:04] Okay.

Speaker 4:
[73:04] I believe the Chupacabra.

Speaker 1:
[73:06] Okay.

Speaker 4:
[73:06] Yeah, I believe in the Loch Ness Monster.

Speaker 1:
[73:08] Okay.

Speaker 4:
[73:08] I believe in... You know, there's that weird Filipino myth of that man in a tree smoking a cigar.

Speaker 2:
[73:17] Oh, yeah. That's the Agta.

Speaker 4:
[73:19] What?

Speaker 2:
[73:19] Agta.

Speaker 4:
[73:20] Agta. I believe in him.

Speaker 2:
[73:21] There's also another word.

Speaker 4:
[73:23] Isn't there a man in a tree smoking a cigarette?

Speaker 2:
[73:25] Smoking a cigar, yeah.

Speaker 1:
[73:26] We call those homeless in my name. Do you believe that children are the future?

Speaker 4:
[73:33] And I believe they're in the past as well.

Speaker 1:
[73:35] Okay.

Speaker 4:
[73:36] Okay.

Speaker 1:
[73:37] So here I am in the hills, the mountains of Glendale.

Speaker 4:
[73:41] Yeah.

Speaker 1:
[73:42] And I'm looking to debunk the myth of the legendary South Squiaj. I'm walking along. It's sunset. Yeah. I haven't succeeded. I'm driving home through the windy forest road.

Speaker 4:
[73:59] Yeah.

Speaker 1:
[74:00] I see, silhouetted in the setting sun, a tall, probably the hairiest humanoid shape I've ever seen.

Speaker 4:
[74:10] How tall?

Speaker 1:
[74:11] I can't tell because of the sun, the refraction of the light.

Speaker 4:
[74:14] Yeah.

Speaker 1:
[74:14] My eyes don't party on Fun Fun Street.

Speaker 4:
[74:18] But if you were to guess?

Speaker 1:
[74:20] I'd say six and a half feet, maybe 12.

Speaker 4:
[74:24] Oh, so let's go nine.

Speaker 1:
[74:26] It was big.

Speaker 4:
[74:26] Nine feet.

Speaker 1:
[74:27] It was a big, big humanoid shape.

Speaker 4:
[74:30] Yeah.

Speaker 1:
[74:31] I got so excited.

Speaker 4:
[74:33] Yeah.

Speaker 1:
[74:34] I lost control of the Dodge Neon.

Speaker 4:
[74:37] Yeah.

Speaker 1:
[74:37] And it was also, I had...

Speaker 4:
[74:38] Can I ask you something?

Speaker 1:
[74:39] I had Kentucky Fried Chicken on the passenger seat. It could have been the Grease, but I was excited.

Speaker 4:
[74:45] Okay. So what happened next?

Speaker 1:
[74:47] So I'm swerving all over.

Speaker 4:
[74:49] Yeah.

Speaker 1:
[74:50] I hit it.

Speaker 4:
[74:51] Whoa.

Speaker 1:
[74:52] Okay.

Speaker 4:
[74:53] Yeah.

Speaker 1:
[74:53] Could be a mythical, could be the answer, the missing link.

Speaker 4:
[74:57] Yeah.

Speaker 1:
[74:57] Suddenly we find out about South Squiat. I jump out of the Dodge Neon.

Speaker 4:
[75:02] Yes.

Speaker 1:
[75:03] I rushed to the side of the road.

Speaker 4:
[75:04] Yeah.

Speaker 1:
[75:04] I'm cradling this hairy, hairy thing. It's almost like Shirley Temple, Kenny G, and Cher having an orgy in my arms. And I'm cradling this thing, and its eyes are shot. And I'm like...

Speaker 4:
[75:18] His eyes are shot? Shot. By what?

Speaker 1:
[75:21] I think I killed it.

Speaker 4:
[75:23] Wait, wait, wait, wait.

Speaker 1:
[75:24] And I'm like...

Speaker 4:
[75:24] You hit it with a car and then shot it with the eyes?

Speaker 1:
[75:26] I hit it with a Dodge Neon.

Speaker 4:
[75:27] And then you shot it with the eyes with your gun?

Speaker 1:
[75:28] No. It's laying on the ground. I hit it. It landed on the road.

Speaker 4:
[75:32] Yeah, but you said his eyes were shot.

Speaker 1:
[75:33] Shot. Closed.

Speaker 4:
[75:35] Oh, shot.

Speaker 6:
[75:36] Oh, I thought you took it.

Speaker 1:
[75:38] As in, shut up and let me tell the story.

Speaker 4:
[75:40] All right, all right. They were shot.

Speaker 1:
[75:42] So they were shot. And I'm laying there cradling this behemoth, this hairy beast. Yes. And I'm petting his forehead of his hairy face. And I'm like, please don't die, South Squiatch. Don't die. And finally his eyes fluttered open and he looked at me right in the face. He said, I'm Armenian. And I just drove away because there's a lot of them. Glendale.

Speaker 4:
[76:12] They play chess at the park.

Speaker 1:
[76:13] They're all over Glendale. Yeah. So anyway, you came close.

Speaker 4:
[76:18] Yeah. But that's not really a species to discover. I came close. You came close.

Speaker 1:
[76:22] Okay. I'm still looking. Yeah.

Speaker 4:
[76:23] You're still looking. You're still looking. I've hit many Armenians. Yeah. No, I have. You make the mistake. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm glad he didn't die. Did he die?

Speaker 1:
[76:32] No, he did not die. The hair protected him, cushioned him like bubble wrap.

Speaker 4:
[76:36] And now he works at a barber shop.

Speaker 1:
[76:37] Yeah. But anyways, I feel like we got to most of the stories and sort of got on the edge.

Speaker 4:
[76:44] I didn't know you could learn so much from DeVry. Yeah.

Speaker 1:
[76:47] Oh, yeah. Oh, my God.

Speaker 4:
[76:49] Yeah.

Speaker 1:
[76:49] It never stopped.

Speaker 4:
[76:50] It never stopped. I mean, what are the things you could become a master of, or you know what I mean, in DeVry, at the DeVry?

Speaker 1:
[76:56] Welding.

Speaker 4:
[76:57] Oh, welding. Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 5:
[76:58] Bowling.

Speaker 1:
[77:00] What is it?

Speaker 5:
[77:00] Bowling.

Speaker 1:
[77:01] Bowling is a sport, my guy.

Speaker 5:
[77:05] The history.

Speaker 1:
[77:07] Yeah. They don't really teach that at DeVry. You might want to go to, like, I don't know, like Melvin's Nut Farm or something. I don't know.

Speaker 5:
[77:15] Melvin's Nut Farm.

Speaker 6:
[77:16] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 4:
[77:17] That's where I learned.

Speaker 1:
[77:18] Yeah.

Speaker 6:
[77:19] Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1:
[77:19] But what else?

Speaker 4:
[77:20] Some other at DeVry?

Speaker 1:
[77:22] At DeVry, welding, woodwork, machine shop.

Speaker 4:
[77:26] I hear you got the Crow Bugle video.

Speaker 1:
[77:29] Oh, you got it.

Speaker 4:
[77:30] Oh, you got it. Catching a fish.

Speaker 3:
[77:31] We found it.

Speaker 4:
[77:32] Yeah.

Speaker 1:
[77:32] Awesome.

Speaker 4:
[77:33] Oh, wow. Look at that.

Speaker 3:
[77:34] Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow.

Speaker 5:
[77:39] Wow.

Speaker 4:
[77:39] This is slow-mo, guys.

Speaker 5:
[77:40] Yeah. Wow.

Speaker 3:
[77:46] It's very feminine. Yeah.

Speaker 2:
[77:48] Yeah.

Speaker 4:
[77:48] Yeah.

Speaker 7:
[77:48] Yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 2:
[77:50] Yeah.

Speaker 4:
[77:50] That fish is not in a hurry. I'll tell you that.

Speaker 1:
[77:55] I also love the fish swims on top of the water.

Speaker 7:
[78:00] Yeah.

Speaker 1:
[78:01] But that's science. That's science.

Speaker 4:
[78:03] That's science for you.

Speaker 1:
[78:04] Yeah. Thank you, DeVry. Yeah.

Speaker 4:
[78:06] Thank you, DeVry. So if you ever, don't go to Harvard, you know, don't go to Berkeley, DeVry.

Speaker 1:
[78:11] Yeah.

Speaker 4:
[78:11] Yeah. Yeah. So, do you have anything to promote?

Speaker 3:
[78:17] How you doing, Harland? Anything?

Speaker 1:
[78:19] Oh yeah.

Speaker 7:
[78:20] Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 4:
[78:21] How are you, Harland?

Speaker 1:
[78:22] Good. Real good.

Speaker 4:
[78:26] With Harland, you know what I mean? We don't do that.

Speaker 1:
[78:28] What?

Speaker 4:
[78:30] A normal, like, you know what I mean? Well, you up to, I don't do that with this guy. You know what I mean? Cause we're on a different level. Yeah. You know what I mean? We've evolved. We go to the festivals together. We understand it differently.

Speaker 1:
[78:41] What do you mean you don't? Now I'm feeling a little neglected, maybe. I'm feeling a little, that sort of was a bit of a slight.

Speaker 4:
[78:50] I don't think it was a slight. I don't think that you and I waste our time with small talk.

Speaker 1:
[78:55] I know, but I feel like you're disinterested in my journey now after that little side comment.

Speaker 4:
[79:00] Yeah, yeah. It wasn't a side comment.

Speaker 1:
[79:02] We had chuckles. We had laughs.

Speaker 4:
[79:03] We had chuckles and laughs, but I don't think that we're in a relationship where it's like you're a new person, and we're out there going, where are you from?

Speaker 3:
[79:09] Well, where is he from?

Speaker 4:
[79:11] Canada. Where? I don't know. Vancouver. You're the one. Big one. Am I close?

Speaker 1:
[79:18] It's all right. Canada is Canada. Second largest country in the world, from somewhere in the middle.

Speaker 4:
[79:25] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1:
[79:25] Okay, got it.

Speaker 4:
[79:26] Been to your house many times. Yeah. Yeah. I did your movie many, many years ago where I played a kangaroo.

Speaker 1:
[79:35] Kangaroo Hanzo Riley.

Speaker 4:
[79:37] Yeah, yeah, that's right. Kangaroo Hanzo Riley. And that was what, 20 years ago?

Speaker 1:
[79:41] Yeah.

Speaker 4:
[79:42] Yeah, in the desert? And then you showed me property. I owned that little property in the middle of the desert. Yeah, yeah. Do you remember that?

Speaker 1:
[79:48] Yeah.

Speaker 4:
[79:49] Yeah, so it's like, I don't think that we need to do this whole like, where are you from?

Speaker 1:
[79:53] Yeah, I think you're right.

Speaker 4:
[79:54] Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. I've known you for a very long time.

Speaker 1:
[79:59] But do you really know me?

Speaker 4:
[80:00] No, it's impossible to.

Speaker 1:
[80:03] Does that hurt?

Speaker 4:
[80:04] Does that hurt you?

Speaker 1:
[80:06] Yeah.

Speaker 2:
[80:07] I know some things about Harland.

Speaker 4:
[80:08] No, but what I'm saying is that he has an exterior, that's goofball, and it's a defense mechanism that I have. Like when I'm at the comedy store, I play a character, but they don't know.

Speaker 1:
[80:21] So this is your way of shooting blood at me through your eye? A defense mechanism?

Speaker 4:
[80:28] It's a defense mechanism, yeah.

Speaker 1:
[80:30] Well, she knows about me.

Speaker 4:
[80:32] Tell me more.

Speaker 2:
[80:33] I know more about your matters of the heart. Like when you went to Germany, fell in love, that whole saga of that relationship. Those are the things that stick.

Speaker 4:
[80:43] Yeah, I remember that too.

Speaker 1:
[80:45] Because you like love, you like emotions. Bobby likes adventure, and Bobby's deep, but you never let me get too deep.

Speaker 4:
[80:58] What is this?

Speaker 1:
[80:59] Adventure. There's our movie.

Speaker 4:
[81:02] And who am I?

Speaker 1:
[81:04] You're Kangaroo Hanzo Riley.

Speaker 4:
[81:07] I'm in the back, right?

Speaker 1:
[81:08] Yeah.

Speaker 4:
[81:08] Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1:
[81:09] Watch.

Speaker 4:
[81:10] Turn it up.

Speaker 1:
[81:10] I pull you up.

Speaker 2:
[81:17] Is that garlic bread teeth?

Speaker 1:
[81:19] Yeah.

Speaker 2:
[81:20] Look at them.

Speaker 1:
[81:21] It was born with little curled up kangaroo peckers. Wow.

Speaker 4:
[81:40] Why'd you make me do an Asian accent?

Speaker 1:
[81:43] Because I was your character.

Speaker 7:
[81:45] Good point.

Speaker 4:
[81:46] Oh, that's right.

Speaker 1:
[81:47] Because in the movie, I go, I keep a little Chinese friend behind the back seat.

Speaker 7:
[81:51] Ah, I see, I see, I see.

Speaker 1:
[81:53] And then I pull you up. But I didn't know at that time, to be honest, that you weren't Chinese, honestly. Really? Yeah, I didn't know.

Speaker 4:
[82:00] Oh, you didn't know I was Korean?

Speaker 1:
[82:01] We were like, so that was the-

Speaker 4:
[82:02] That was the beginning of our friendship.

Speaker 1:
[82:03] Yeah.

Speaker 4:
[82:04] Yeah, yeah. It's funny, I didn't even know him that well, and I went into the desert with a man I didn't know that well. Which is a dumb thing to do, I think.

Speaker 3:
[82:12] Yeah, how did he ask you?

Speaker 1:
[82:14] I just called you up.

Speaker 4:
[82:16] He just called me up.

Speaker 1:
[82:17] But I was honored that you did it, because you didn't know me that well, and he didn't even read the script, he just said, I'll do it. And when you did that, you ingratiated yourself. You're my friend for life, because that was really generous of you.

Speaker 4:
[82:33] It was one of those incidences where I was just like, fuck, Harland Williams has called me, and I go, he's asked me to go in the middle of the desert, because obviously I was a huge fan, and I was like, yeah, it's like an obvious yes, there's no you can't thought about it. I love you, buddy, dude.

Speaker 1:
[82:48] I love that, I'm not kidding.

Speaker 4:
[82:50] I mean, there's some people that would ask now, I probably would say no.

Speaker 1:
[82:53] Yeah.

Speaker 4:
[82:53] Yeah, yeah. Would you say no or yes?

Speaker 1:
[82:55] It depends who it was. If you asked me to do something, I'd say yes.

Speaker 4:
[82:58] I know you would.

Speaker 1:
[82:58] Yeah.

Speaker 4:
[82:58] Yeah, yeah, yeah, and I have something for you.

Speaker 1:
[83:00] Oh, wow.

Speaker 4:
[83:01] Yeah, yeah, yeah. But there are some people that I just wouldn't go to the desert with, right?

Speaker 1:
[83:08] It was fun, though, wasn't it?

Speaker 4:
[83:10] Because I remember the day.

Speaker 1:
[83:11] Yeah.

Speaker 4:
[83:11] I remember going to your house. I looked at your property, and I remember shooting that scene. I remember we had sandwiches.

Speaker 1:
[83:19] Yeah.

Speaker 4:
[83:19] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1:
[83:20] Subway.

Speaker 4:
[83:21] Subway. Yeah, Subway sandwiches.

Speaker 1:
[83:23] And we talked about this last time. You fed yours to the ants.

Speaker 4:
[83:26] I did. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1:
[83:27] You found a big ant hill, and you fed your Subway to the ants.

Speaker 4:
[83:30] Well, I think I like that animal.

Speaker 1:
[83:33] Yeah.

Speaker 4:
[83:33] It's one of my favorites.

Speaker 1:
[83:34] You love ants?

Speaker 4:
[83:35] Anyway, did you have fun today?

Speaker 1:
[83:39] Yeah.

Speaker 5:
[83:40] You did.

Speaker 4:
[83:40] We learned so much. Did you learn a lot, Jaime?

Speaker 5:
[83:43] Yeah.

Speaker 2:
[83:44] I like ants.

Speaker 4:
[83:45] You do?

Speaker 2:
[83:45] I like ant hills.

Speaker 4:
[83:46] Yeah, yeah. I don't like them in my house.

Speaker 2:
[83:49] I like the cities they build. No.

Speaker 4:
[83:51] Yeah, yeah. But in your house, do you like them when you see a straight line?

Speaker 2:
[83:55] I literally never kill an ant.

Speaker 4:
[83:58] Yeah. What do Mexicans do?

Speaker 2:
[84:00] What?

Speaker 5:
[84:02] Oh, ants in the house?

Speaker 4:
[84:03] Yeah.

Speaker 5:
[84:04] They usually cook.

Speaker 3:
[84:07] That's true though. Remember like at Cougo they eat.

Speaker 4:
[84:09] Oh, they cook the ants.

Speaker 5:
[84:10] No, the ants cook.

Speaker 4:
[84:12] Oh, they work for you.

Speaker 5:
[84:13] Yes.

Speaker 4:
[84:14] Oh, interesting.

Speaker 5:
[84:15] They look like little ants. And it's not really a line.

Speaker 4:
[84:18] Are you high?

Speaker 5:
[84:19] No, it's not like really a-

Speaker 4:
[84:20] No, what's going on with you right now?

Speaker 5:
[84:22] They don't form a line. It's a trail. It's not really a line. A line's like this.

Speaker 4:
[84:28] Well, do they do like a little dance? What are you talking about? There's a line.

Speaker 5:
[84:31] No, it's a trail.

Speaker 4:
[84:34] What are they doing?

Speaker 5:
[84:35] A trail to their home.

Speaker 4:
[84:38] It's a trail of tears or is it joy?

Speaker 5:
[84:41] Of joy because they have food for the queen.

Speaker 4:
[84:43] For the queen. You know the hierarchy.

Speaker 5:
[84:46] Yeah. You ever seen the ant hill?

Speaker 3:
[84:48] You ever seen Ants by Woody Allen?

Speaker 5:
[84:51] It's like a little trail of ants. You had an ant hill one time. You know what I'm talking about, my brother? Rarely.

Speaker 4:
[84:59] Rarely.

Speaker 5:
[85:00] Okay.

Speaker 4:
[85:01] Yeah.

Speaker 1:
[85:02] I feel weird being in the middle of your ant talk.

Speaker 4:
[85:04] I know, but I know that movie. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 3:
[85:07] Da da da da da da da da da da.

Speaker 1:
[85:13] I just feel like a third wheel.

Speaker 4:
[85:14] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1:
[85:15] I don't want to even, no, don't, it's a great talk. I just feel like I'm in the middle of it.

Speaker 4:
[85:20] Yeah, yeah, I don't know.

Speaker 1:
[85:22] I'm a little ant awkward right now.

Speaker 4:
[85:24] Yeah, yeah, you're a little ant awkward. Hey, honestly, speaking of Antarctica, why aren't we allowed to go there?

Speaker 6:
[85:31] You are.

Speaker 4:
[85:33] I don't think you are. You are. I'm allowed to take a flight to the middle of Antarctica.

Speaker 2:
[85:39] To go visit as a tourist.

Speaker 4:
[85:40] As a tourist. I don't think that's right. Google it.

Speaker 1:
[85:43] I just did. Well, I think I know what you're talking about.

Speaker 4:
[85:45] I think there's a city there.

Speaker 1:
[85:47] There's this conspiracy theory.

Speaker 4:
[85:50] That's what I'm saying, yeah.

Speaker 1:
[85:51] Where they say that there's a certain limit to how far you can go and to travel in it because it's so barren you would never know if you're in the exact spot, but they say beyond a certain barrier, there's a myth that there's cities and worlds and creatures and stuff that we're not allowed to see.

Speaker 4:
[86:10] Yeah, do you believe in this conspiracy?

Speaker 1:
[86:12] Well, it's sort of this thing where they say, does the world really end? Like how much are they letting us know about where we live? It's the Truman theory. What's that? The Truman Show.

Speaker 4:
[86:23] Oh, because we've never really actually...

Speaker 1:
[86:25] Like who's really been there?

Speaker 4:
[86:27] Katy Perry.

Speaker 1:
[86:28] Oh yeah.

Speaker 4:
[86:29] Yeah, oh, she's been there.

Speaker 1:
[86:32] Well, what's with this moon thing they just did, and they went all the way up there, and they didn't even land?

Speaker 4:
[86:37] Why wouldn't you land?

Speaker 1:
[86:38] That's like going to Disneyland and not going on the rides.

Speaker 4:
[86:41] No, it's not even worth it. It's like just driving by Disneyland on the 405. Yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 7:
[86:48] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1:
[86:49] Here it is.

Speaker 2:
[86:51] Well, it's the first of many because they're going to eventually set up a moon colony.

Speaker 1:
[86:55] A moon base?

Speaker 2:
[86:56] Yeah.

Speaker 1:
[86:57] Would you go?

Speaker 2:
[86:58] Yeah. No, I'm too afraid of, I would, the G force of even any Disney ride like kills me. So I could never be a space person.

Speaker 1:
[87:07] Yeah.

Speaker 2:
[87:07] Could you?

Speaker 4:
[87:08] I don't think if you feel the G force when you're on the colony.

Speaker 2:
[87:12] Yeah, but coming back down, I'd have to come back down eventually. And the heat, did you not see that capsule burn? You didn't see the return of integrity back into earth?

Speaker 4:
[87:23] Yeah, I have integrity.

Speaker 2:
[87:23] And watch it, I cried my eyes out.

Speaker 1:
[87:26] You did? Why?

Speaker 2:
[87:27] Why? I don't know, there's a lot of weird things happening in the world. And sometimes when you see like people go up in space and you see those shots of the earth and it kind of reminds you how like-

Speaker 4:
[87:38] What mankind can do if we work together.

Speaker 2:
[87:40] We're kind of, yeah, it's just, we're this, it just, it's a reminder. There were just this rock and we're so small and it made me emotional.

Speaker 4:
[87:48] I think it's a different way. I think it shows humanity working together. You know, it's like that movie Deep Impact.

Speaker 2:
[88:00] Yeah, it's your favorite.

Speaker 4:
[88:01] It's one of my favorite disaster movies. And there's, you know, I like, I like having the black astronaut, you know what I mean? The Russian one, you know what I mean? Like, did you see Project Hail Mary?

Speaker 2:
[88:12] I'm watching it tomorrow.

Speaker 4:
[88:13] Yeah, there's an Eastern European, a Japanese guy and an American together. I like when they're like, you know what I mean?

Speaker 2:
[88:19] Oh, like the arrival.

Speaker 4:
[88:20] Yeah, where all of human race, you know what I mean? Work together. Working together to do something, you know what I mean? Beyond ourselves, for good, right? But instead, you know what I mean? We use it to kill.

Speaker 1:
[88:35] You can just see that at IHOP, really.

Speaker 4:
[88:41] Oh, like at two of the more, yeah, at IHOP, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1:
[88:42] Like all the international working to make breakfast.

Speaker 4:
[88:47] Oh, I see.

Speaker 6:
[88:48] Oh, the Belgian waffle.

Speaker 1:
[88:49] The flapjack.

Speaker 4:
[88:50] Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, I get it.

Speaker 1:
[88:51] Sorry, I didn't mean to step on it, but I...

Speaker 4:
[88:53] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1:
[88:55] I love that you get emotional about it. Yeah. Because you look back, you see Earth from that perspective, and you realize it's all we've got, and all the turmoil and the hatred and the war and the borders and the divides, and you realize we're all just one.

Speaker 4:
[89:11] We are.

Speaker 1:
[89:12] And why do we go through with these stupid, endless, violent confrontations with each other, when we're all the same, we all have this one home, and we're fighting over nothing.

Speaker 4:
[89:27] Exactly. People die. Yeah, that's exactly what we're saying.

Speaker 1:
[89:30] That can be emotional. I'm with you on that.

Speaker 4:
[89:32] That's emotional. And I think the only way we could unite as a world is if, and this is violent, but if an alien race attacks us. I think Project Hail Mary.

Speaker 2:
[89:42] I haven't seen it yet, so stand by.

Speaker 1:
[89:45] Really?

Speaker 4:
[89:45] You? I thought Project Hail Mary was the best movie I've seen in probably 10 years, in terms of perfection.

Speaker 1:
[89:51] Who'd you go with?

Speaker 4:
[89:52] What?

Speaker 2:
[89:53] His girly.

Speaker 4:
[89:54] The girl that I'm saying.

Speaker 1:
[89:55] Okay.

Speaker 4:
[89:56] And I never saw the trailer. I never saw anything. I didn't know nothing about it. Nothing. I went to the theater. I go, everyone's telling me to watch this. And we sat there. We cried three times. And at the end of it, I'll tell you why it was perfect. I mean, you know, we love pulp fiction. We love Tarantino movies. We love older Scorsese movies, like Mean Street Sector. There's some darkness to everything in an edge. Let's say early 70s cinema, there was a lot of realism. You know what I mean? Right? But there, but I think Steven Spielberg introduced this kind of hope idea and this like family-friendly universal idea of just hope and unity. And I think that Project Hail Mary is very ET like in that way. Oh, I see. Of a feeling of like anybody can watch this at any age, regardless, and walk out of the movie and go, that was a really good film.

Speaker 1:
[90:51] I want to see it. You sold me.

Speaker 4:
[90:53] Yeah. And I think that I recommend people watch it before it goes to streaming. I think it's a theater movie. Theater for sure. It's a theater for sure. Yeah, because IMAX. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1:
[91:05] I'll go this weekend, my guy.

Speaker 4:
[91:07] It really is that good.

Speaker 1:
[91:08] Out of 10, what are you giving it?

Speaker 4:
[91:11] A 9.

Speaker 2:
[91:12] What's a 10?

Speaker 3:
[91:14] Space movie wise.

Speaker 4:
[91:16] Space movie wise? Oh, that's a really good question.

Speaker 1:
[91:19] I'm with you.

Speaker 2:
[91:20] Because for me, Arrival is a 10 out of 10. Everything from the score to like the very end to the story about the child.

Speaker 4:
[91:27] I'll give Arrival a 10.

Speaker 2:
[91:28] There's so many.

Speaker 1:
[91:29] Who's in Arrival? I don't remember.

Speaker 2:
[91:32] Amy Adams and Jeremy Renner.

Speaker 4:
[91:34] Yeah.

Speaker 1:
[91:35] Fantastic. Yeah.

Speaker 4:
[91:36] And Keenan Ivory Waynes Jr. And also.

Speaker 2:
[91:40] The music was by Dennis.

Speaker 4:
[91:42] No, let me, can I just finish?

Speaker 2:
[91:43] I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

Speaker 4:
[91:44] The music was by Kid Rock.

Speaker 1:
[91:47] It was?

Speaker 4:
[91:48] New Kid Rock. The New Kid Rock. The New Kid called the New Kid Rock.

Speaker 1:
[91:52] All right.

Speaker 4:
[91:53] Yeah.

Speaker 1:
[91:55] So who's this girl?

Speaker 4:
[91:58] Amy Adams. She's good in The Arrival.

Speaker 1:
[92:00] Oh, the one you went to the movie with.

Speaker 4:
[92:03] She's over your imagination. That's none of your business.

Speaker 1:
[92:06] Why, is she on Tinder?

Speaker 4:
[92:07] No, I didn't. No, I met her in the wild.

Speaker 1:
[92:10] Well, I'd like to take her to a movie, too. When's it my turn to shine? Uh. Uh. Is she on Tinder or is she not? I'll find out. What's her name?

Speaker 4:
[92:26] She's not on Tinder.

Speaker 1:
[92:27] What's her name?

Speaker 4:
[92:28] Montgomery.

Speaker 1:
[92:29] Montgomery what?

Speaker 4:
[92:30] Ward.

Speaker 1:
[92:40] Montgomery what?

Speaker 4:
[92:41] Ward. Can we get that photo of the Sasquatch holding? Um, I thought you were looking that up.

Speaker 6:
[92:49] Honestly.

Speaker 4:
[92:50] Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 6:
[92:51] It looked good. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 4:
[92:52] Because I think there's a police photography, you know what I mean? Photo of that.

Speaker 2:
[92:56] A camera.

Speaker 4:
[92:57] A camera photo of that. I think he found her.

Speaker 1:
[92:59] Are you out with her this weekend?

Speaker 4:
[93:01] Was this the photo of the Armenian guy?

Speaker 1:
[93:03] Oh, there he is.

Speaker 4:
[93:04] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 3:
[93:05] There's the Nissan.

Speaker 4:
[93:06] Yeah, there's the Nissan.

Speaker 2:
[93:06] No, Dodge Neon.

Speaker 1:
[93:08] Oh, yeah.

Speaker 3:
[93:08] Yeah, Dodge Neon.

Speaker 4:
[93:09] And that's not Harland. Yeah, get specific.

Speaker 2:
[93:15] Also, also, there was KFC in the passenger seat.

Speaker 4:
[93:18] Yeah, yeah, yeah. Get specific.

Speaker 5:
[93:20] Can I see? Well, I like to take her to town.

Speaker 4:
[93:25] Let me see. Let me look. That's who she is. You want some?

Speaker 1:
[93:29] Fanyums. Is she a lot of fun?

Speaker 4:
[93:31] Yeah, yeah. She's a cool girl.

Speaker 1:
[93:33] I'm happy for you, guys.

Speaker 3:
[93:36] Harland, what's this movie called Wingman?

Speaker 1:
[93:38] Oh, wow. Uh-oh.

Speaker 4:
[93:41] Uh-oh what?

Speaker 1:
[93:41] Is this going to be a Sour Spot movie?

Speaker 4:
[93:43] It already has been.

Speaker 1:
[93:45] Well, this is last time I was here, we had a fight about it.

Speaker 4:
[93:48] I let it go. I don't care.

Speaker 1:
[93:49] Okay. Well, this is my new movie.

Speaker 4:
[93:51] Called Wingman.

Speaker 1:
[93:52] And can I say something, buddy? Because this is the first time the trailer for Wingman has been shown on a podcast.

Speaker 4:
[94:03] Yay.

Speaker 1:
[94:07] If you'll allow me to show it.

Speaker 4:
[94:09] Go ahead.

Speaker 1:
[94:09] It's my new movie. It's coming out May 26th.

Speaker 4:
[94:13] Yeah.

Speaker 1:
[94:14] Wingman. I wrote it. I directed it.

Speaker 4:
[94:17] Sure. I'm so excited to see it.

Speaker 1:
[94:20] And this is, can I say, here we go?

Speaker 4:
[94:24] Who's in it?

Speaker 1:
[94:25] It's two and a half minutes.

Speaker 4:
[94:26] Who's in it?

Speaker 1:
[94:27] Me, Jamie Kennedy, Yeah. Russell Peters, Kayla Wallace from Land Man.

Speaker 4:
[94:34] Great cast.

Speaker 1:
[94:35] Evan Marsh.

Speaker 4:
[94:36] Anyway, here it is. Is Rob Schneider in it too? Let's guy it.

Speaker 1:
[94:44] Your wingman is now officially on the clock.

Speaker 6:
[94:54] How do I know it works?

Speaker 1:
[94:56] There's an elephant in order to jerk itself off with its own nose.

Speaker 9:
[95:01] You're not actually considering this, are you? No. Okay, cause like a wingman, what, he's still in high school? Wingman.

Speaker 1:
[95:17] You don't get laid, I don't get paid.

Speaker 5:
[95:21] What have I got to lose?

Speaker 1:
[95:27] I need you to take these onion rings down into the jar, stack them on the bald Cyclops, and let me know the count.

Speaker 3:
[95:34] You're nuts, you're a madman, this is a huge mistake.

Speaker 1:
[95:52] See anything you like?

Speaker 3:
[95:54] She's beautiful.

Speaker 1:
[95:55] Look, have you seen that Julia Roberts movie, Eat, Pray, Love?

Speaker 9:
[96:01] Yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 1:
[96:02] Well, now you're looking at the sequel, Eat, Eat, Eat.

Speaker 2:
[96:14] You're crying.

Speaker 7:
[96:18] What makes you such an expert on women, anyways?

Speaker 1:
[96:21] P.O.P.

Speaker 6:
[96:23] Power of the Pussy. Oh, yes.

Speaker 7:
[96:33] All right.

Speaker 1:
[96:35] That was a mild setback. Dressed real nice. We're going for some, uh, Wall Street Beaver. There it is. First trailer.

Speaker 4:
[97:13] I love it, dude.

Speaker 1:
[97:13] Thank you for letting me show up.

Speaker 4:
[97:14] I've never seen anything like it.

Speaker 1:
[97:16] No?

Speaker 4:
[97:16] No, no, no. I didn't see Jamie or Russell in it.

Speaker 1:
[97:20] Well, what we did is the core of the movies about this nerd hires this crazy wingman to help him get hurt.

Speaker 4:
[97:27] I understood that from the thing. That's obvious, yeah.

Speaker 1:
[97:31] And so Jamie plays a rival wingman.

Speaker 4:
[97:34] Oh, I see.

Speaker 1:
[97:34] So he plays my nemesis. Right. He has high end clients. I have the low end losers.

Speaker 4:
[97:39] Right, right, right, right.

Speaker 1:
[97:40] And then Russell Peters plays one of Jamie's high end clients. And he steals that guy's girlfriend.

Speaker 4:
[97:46] Oh, I see. Don't give it away.

Speaker 1:
[97:48] I don't want to give too much away.

Speaker 4:
[97:49] Yeah, don't give too much away. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But, well, and you produce and direct it yourself.

Speaker 1:
[97:53] I didn't produce it, but I directed it. I wrote it and starred in it.

Speaker 4:
[97:57] That's amazing.

Speaker 1:
[97:58] It's coming out May 26th, and you can go to harlandwilliams.com and get a pre-order for Apple TV. And so we're excited, buddy. Yeah. Thank you. Thank you. Yeah.

Speaker 4:
[98:15] You know, it's so funny. Andrew and I created our own thing, a TV show.

Speaker 1:
[98:18] You did?

Speaker 4:
[98:19] Yeah, we produced it ourselves, and we're putting it out soon in November. And I think that's the next, you know, wave of doing it.

Speaker 1:
[98:26] Isn't it great?

Speaker 4:
[98:27] I love it because you have control.

Speaker 1:
[98:29] Yeah.

Speaker 4:
[98:30] And no notes.

Speaker 1:
[98:31] Yeah.

Speaker 4:
[98:32] Yeah. And I don't have people breathing down my leg. I do it this way.

Speaker 1:
[98:36] I love it.

Speaker 4:
[98:37] Or you can't say that or whatever.

Speaker 1:
[98:38] That's the bit, because Theo and Spade just put out their movie.

Speaker 4:
[98:41] I'm in that too, yeah.

Speaker 1:
[98:42] You're in that too? Yeah. I'm excited to see it.

Speaker 4:
[98:45] I couldn't get into Wingman, but I could be into every other movie. I just attire, you know, I mean, you know, all of it.

Speaker 1:
[98:52] We're not going to relive it.

Speaker 4:
[98:53] I'm not reliving anything.

Speaker 1:
[98:54] Yeah.

Speaker 4:
[98:55] Yeah.

Speaker 1:
[98:55] But you know, you love.

Speaker 4:
[98:56] I love. You love, pray.

Speaker 1:
[98:59] Wait, can you tell me about?

Speaker 4:
[99:00] No, I can't. I got to go.

Speaker 1:
[99:02] Andrew? Your project with Andrew?

Speaker 4:
[99:04] Yeah.

Speaker 1:
[99:05] You let me plug mine. I'd like to plug yours.

Speaker 4:
[99:07] This is my show.

Speaker 1:
[99:08] I know, but it's up to me if we plug your project or not.

Speaker 4:
[99:13] All right.

Speaker 1:
[99:14] I'd like to plug his project. It's called?

Speaker 4:
[99:17] The Bad Game Show.

Speaker 1:
[99:18] And do we have a trailer?

Speaker 4:
[99:20] No, we just shot last week. All of it.

Speaker 1:
[99:23] And thirdly, you don't have to snap my head off.

Speaker 4:
[99:26] I didn't.

Speaker 1:
[99:27] I'm just trying to be your friend.

Speaker 4:
[99:30] I am your friend.

Speaker 1:
[99:30] I'm trying to promote you.

Speaker 4:
[99:32] I know you did it on my own podcast.

Speaker 1:
[99:33] You snapped real deep and real hard, guy.

Speaker 4:
[99:36] Yeah.

Speaker 1:
[99:37] I'm fucking with you, guy. I love it too. I'm an actor. Did you see?

Speaker 4:
[99:41] Oh, it was the character from Wingman.

Speaker 1:
[99:42] Yeah.

Speaker 4:
[99:42] Wow. Come on. Thank you so much.