transcript

Speaker 1:
[00:01] Joey, guess what? Shopify is back. Shopify is the commerce platform that is behind millions of businesses all around the world, including your very own Big Mouth and Blue Eyes over here. We sell all of our merch on Shopify. It's mostly because it's so easy to get started, and it's so easy to run, and you all know we can't tackle complicated things sometimes.

Speaker 2:
[00:26] We know a lot of UDBs are very creative. You have amazing ideas for new businesses or products or something that you make.

Speaker 1:
[00:33] Oh yeah.

Speaker 2:
[00:34] And you're like, where do I start? Shopify is a great platform to launch your business on. So whether you're uploading new products or trying to improve existing ones, Shopify is packed with lots of helpful tools that can help you write product descriptions, give you headlines and even enhance the look.

Speaker 1:
[00:53] A lot of times it's just daunting to start something and you just kind of need that push to go. Shopify is like, I got you.

Speaker 3:
[01:01] I'm gonna make this real easy.

Speaker 2:
[01:03] Also, sometimes we need a little help. What I love about Shopify is they're happy to help you in any way they can because they have award-winning, yes, award-winning 24-hour, seven days a week customer support.

Speaker 1:
[01:16] And they're gonna help you tackle all of those tasks like inventory, payments, analytics, all of that stuff. You don't need to save a bunch of websites to try and figure out what's going on. Again, Shopify is like, we got you.

Speaker 2:
[01:31] Y'all, it's time to turn those what ifs into with Shopify Today.

Speaker 1:
[01:36] Sign up for your $1 per month trial today at shopify.com/itn.

Speaker 2:
[01:42] Go to shopify.com/itn.

Speaker 1:
[01:45] That's shopify.com/itn. Do the sound again, Rick. Oh, that's fun. So I know you're not on medication for your self-diagnosed ADHD, and that's fine, but I am. So I'm speaking to the people who are on ADHD meds. Every once in a while, you take your medication, you pop it in your mouth, and then you go do a little chore or something, and you come back and you go, now, did I take my medication?

Speaker 4:
[02:12] Oh no.

Speaker 1:
[02:13] And just before this recording, I had one of those moments, and I was like, I mean, bottoms up. So we'll see what happens.

Speaker 4:
[02:21] Oh no, she done double dipped in the meth. Prescription meth.

Speaker 3:
[02:26] I'll see you on the other side, DBs.

Speaker 1:
[02:35] I seriously, I had my medication in my backpack, I opened it and then I got distracted by the cats, and I came back and I was like, now, what do I have?

Speaker 3:
[02:44] I guess we'll see.

Speaker 2:
[02:45] I do it all the time. It's all good, babes. I don't judge you for that.

Speaker 1:
[02:50] You just judge me for everything else. Welcome everyone to I Think Not, the podcast where we should not be trusted with controlled substances. My name is Ellyn Marsh, and across from me is Joey Taranto.

Speaker 2:
[03:03] Imagine this being someone's first time here. I'm like, that's a crazy thing to say, but hey, listen, you're not always wrong.

Speaker 1:
[03:10] If it is your first time here, we're just silly gooses, and we love you and we're so glad you're here. Come on in, the water's fine. If you're a DB, hey, what's up? Sit down, pop an edible, talk to you at the edge.

Speaker 2:
[03:22] Also, I don't always sound like I had glass for breakfast, but my allergies are out of control, and it's all, you know, it starts in your head, like behind your nose, and then it just drops. So right now, my allergy issues are in my bussy. So let's get this show going.

Speaker 1:
[03:36] Well, we are, I Think Not, the podcast that recaps your favorite True Crime TV shows. We got them all. We've done them all. Every Monday, we give you the True Crime headlines on our rundown, and we cover TV shows, docu-series and documentaries over on our Patreon.

Speaker 2:
[03:52] That's right. We also have a ton of community events that you can get involved with on whatever tier, on whatever your budget is, over on Patreon, and that's patreon.com/ithink Not. Gosh, I sound like Kathleen Turner trying to get you to join our Patreon.

Speaker 5:
[04:05] It'll be great.

Speaker 1:
[04:06] Listen, she is an underrated actress, and for those of you thinking it costs an arm and a leg, we got a ton of bonus content just starting at $5. Right now, we are covering the most fascinating docu-series called Trust Me. Trust Me. Go watch it on Netflix. It's in four parts on Netflix. We're covering it in four parts. We just covered part one last week, so it's not too late. But hey, if you don't want anything extra and you don't want another app on your phone, you can also get Apple subscriptions or you can always enjoy us on the general feed Mondays and Wednesdays.

Speaker 2:
[04:39] Well, now that we've got the housekeeping out the way, shall we get to the episode, Yellin Marie Marsh?

Speaker 1:
[04:44] So we are continuing our cover of Unsolved Mysteries, but here's the news, we're on season two. And we didn't like the first episode, so we're starting with season two, episode two.

Speaker 2:
[04:56] Yeah, sorry, I just could not start off with like, Aliens and then, you know, Long Lost Loves from the Renaissance period.

Speaker 1:
[05:02] Joey hates love, you heard it here. Carry on, honey.

Speaker 2:
[05:05] I was in love once.

Speaker 5:
[05:10] Tonight, on Unsolved Mysteries, the residents of a Florida nudist camp were stunned to discover that one of their most popular members was allegedly a fraud, a cheat and a child molester. In Ypsilanti, Michigan, a small town realtor was callously gunned down in his office by two unknown killers. Was this regular family man the victim of a professional hit? In a tiny church in Ambridge, Pennsylvania, the congregation are certain that they have witnessed a miracle. The eyes of Jesus and the carved wooden statue over their altar were once open. Now they say the eyes are closed. Join me for these fascinating stories. Perhaps someone, somewhere, has that one vital clue that can help solve a mystery. Perhaps that someone is watching. Perhaps it's you.

Speaker 2:
[06:01] So our story begins with Episode 2 on January 11th, 1984 in Ypsilanti, Michigan. Just outside of Ann Arbor, I've been to Ypsilanti.

Speaker 1:
[06:10] Wait, seriously? Did you ask why there are so many strange consonants in the title of the city?

Speaker 2:
[06:17] No, it's kind of Ypsilanti, Passamaquoddy. That's the second time.

Speaker 1:
[06:21] It is so Passamaquoddy. There's a Y, a P, and an S all in a row.

Speaker 2:
[06:27] Yeah. Mind you, that's the second time I've mentioned Pete's Dragon on this podcast. What's happening in the span of a week?

Speaker 1:
[06:32] Yeah.

Speaker 2:
[06:32] My dad went to go minister at a church there, and I went with him, and it was snowing like crazy, and then me and my mom went sledding at midnight. Isn't that cute?

Speaker 1:
[06:41] If you're new here, she died. But what a memory and what a throwback.

Speaker 2:
[06:46] So we're at a real estate office in this town of Ypsilanti, and it's owned by a man named Jack Brown. Well, two men walk in, and it's clear, these people been here before. They know the layout of this office. One stays up. Oh, sorry, go ahead.

Speaker 1:
[07:00] Well, I mean, obviously you're gonna introduce Sylvester Stallone, right?

Speaker 2:
[07:05] Did he look like Sylvester Stallone?

Speaker 1:
[07:07] Babe, he looked like Sylvester Stallone if Sylvester Stallone had aged naturally. I mean, I think it's great, because what does that guy do between Rocky movies? You know, you gotta get your insurance week somehow.

Speaker 2:
[07:21] Sure.

Speaker 1:
[07:21] That man has like, well, Sylvester Stallone is here committing crimes.

Speaker 2:
[07:26] Well, also, the guy who's playing Jack looks like the nerd guy from The Office. What's his name?

Speaker 1:
[07:31] Dwight.

Speaker 2:
[07:31] Yes.

Speaker 1:
[07:32] I didn't notice. Yeah. All right.

Speaker 2:
[07:34] So Sylvester Stallone goes to the back office and he sees Dwight, and he's like, you think you're smart, don't you? And the guy's like, I mean, kind of maybe. And then he just blows this guy's brains away. Like, what the hell? And that's how we start the episode, y'all.

Speaker 1:
[07:47] So nothing has changed between season one and season two. So after the shooting, they sort of shepherd the three employees into the bathroom, lock the bathroom, and they leave the office. And sadly, Jack Brown passed 12 hours later. He was shot in the neck and he was only 47 years old.

Speaker 2:
[08:07] Well, what became very clear very quickly is this was not a robbery. This was not some deal gone wrong. This was a contracted killing. And the thing is, is like, we're in Ypsilanti. It's not exactly the Gambino crime family here. There's not a mafia of Ypsilanti. You know what I'm saying?

Speaker 1:
[08:24] Robert Stack is like, what's going on? And I'm like, what's going on?

Speaker 5:
[08:29] And then Robert Stack says, A five year investigation has not been able to answer these questions.

Speaker 1:
[08:35] Cool. Again, nothing's changed.

Speaker 2:
[08:38] So a man named Dutch Jordan, who is the vice president of this realty office is like, Oh, okay, sorry, sorry, sorry.

Speaker 1:
[08:45] I'm sorry. I don't mean to keep getting in the weeds. That is not what his lower third says. His lower third says vice president of realty office. So is the business called realty office or are there words missing? I mean, I guess it doesn't matter. Whatever realty office it is, Dutch is the vice president of it and you should put respect on his name, but there's some words missing there. Am I crazy?

Speaker 2:
[09:08] God bless you. What is it like being a medicated person? What, actually, what is it like being an unmedicated person with ADHD? I can't imagine. Because you just notice everything.

Speaker 1:
[09:17] It said vice president of realty office. It should be the name of the realty office or vice president. You know what? I'm fine.

Speaker 2:
[09:27] Well, listen, I'll tell you.

Speaker 1:
[09:28] This is my journey. I don't mean to make it everyone's problem.

Speaker 2:
[09:31] Look, I'll tell you, my bigger takeaway from Dutch is that he looks straight into this camera and I guess they asked him like, what do you know? And he goes, I actually have no idea why anyone would want to kill Jack. And I'm like, thanks, Dutch, you've been an enormous help. Appreciate it. What happened? I don't know. Why do you think this? I don't know. What's gonna happen next? I don't know. Have a good day.

Speaker 1:
[09:51] Thanks, Dutch. There's some coffee and bars in the back. There's some coffee and bars on your way out.

Speaker 2:
[09:56] We both said coffee and bars.

Speaker 1:
[09:58] I know. That just comes to my mouth every time I think of that. The important information Dutch provided was he heard the gunman say, you think you're pretty smart, don't you? He heard Jack say, well, yes, and then the gun went off. To be fair, that is a really hard question to answer. I mean, I feel like my mom used to ask me that all the time. You think you're pretty smart, don't you?

Speaker 2:
[10:24] Yeah.

Speaker 1:
[10:24] Because what is the answer? If you say, yes, I'm smart, you sound like an egomaniac, and if you say no, you sound stupid. I feel like that's a lose-lose question.

Speaker 2:
[10:35] I think if someone has a gun pointed at you, there is no right answer, my love.

Speaker 3:
[10:40] Are you smart? I don't know. Do you want me to be smart? I'll be smart, I'll be dumb, I'll be ambivalent.

Speaker 2:
[10:44] So Dutch says, I hear the gun go off, and then he goes, well, I figured Jack bought the farm and we were next. Hey Dutch, can you calm down just a little bit?

Speaker 6:
[10:53] Hey Dutch, can we use some tender rounded language?

Speaker 2:
[10:57] Hey, bought the farm. Sorry. So now we meet Detective Hall of the Ipsilanti Police Department, and he's gonna be a fuck ton of help.

Speaker 1:
[11:06] He says that he had heard stories about Jack, nothing raised red flags, nothing was weird or shady, so maybe he was leading a double life. Honestly, I was gonna go with satanic panic, but it's really a toss up at this point. Double life, satanic panic, so that works.

Speaker 2:
[11:25] Also, the way this man talks, it's with all the enthusiasm of a cold sore. It's just bad. You know what I mean? I was like, couldn't y'all get anyone else, like maybe his assistant?

Speaker 5:
[11:35] The night before Jack's murder, his brother saw him on the phone in a state of extreme agitation.

Speaker 7:
[11:40] Where's Jack? He's back on the phone.

Speaker 8:
[11:43] When I arrived, Jack was on the phone. I could tell by this conversation that he was getting upset.

Speaker 2:
[11:52] So when Jack gets off the phone, Norm's like, yo, you good? And Jack says, look, I just have to take care of some things. I'll be right back. Y'all go on with whatever you're gonna do, poker night. Do men love poker night still? Do they do like at home poker nights?

Speaker 1:
[12:08] I don't ask some questions. I just nod my head and I think of other things. I don't know what they do. I don't know what they do in their free time. I think they just sit and just go like ping, like that to their balls. Maybe they play poker. I don't know. Well, obviously Norm is now looking back in hindsight. Obviously something was wrong and he just, you know, looking back, he's like, oh, maybe I should have pressed. And there's a lot of hindsight going on because wife Anne Brown is here and she says something that a lot of people feel. Not just when something awful like this happens, you know, a murder, a loss of a life, but whenever anything bad happens, you look back and you think, okay, what were the signs I missed? What clues did I overlook? What was going on? It's just looking back and thinking, was that a sign? Was that a sign? Just the overthinking. I mean, I feel so bad for people who do that. You know, it's like for me, once it's done, it's done. It's like water off a, I'm like Elsa. I don't ever replay anything in my, that must be a miserable existence for people. I just, that's so sad to me.

Speaker 2:
[13:11] Is lying a part of being ADHD?

Speaker 1:
[13:14] What are you talking about?

Speaker 2:
[13:15] Okay. So anyway, Jack's wife Ann says, I remember one night we're driving home from a Christmas party and Jack was annoying me because he was kind of drunk and just talking shit. And I was like, good God, my God, can we push this Oldsmobile past 50? I'm brilliant. She's trying to get home. She remembers Jack just saying something random, like, what would you do if you knew some really powerful people did some really bad things? Would you write their names down and put it in a safety deposit box? And she was just like, the fuck is you talking about? And what was in that eggnog?

Speaker 1:
[13:47] She's like, I'm stopping you at five Sauvignon Blancs next time, okay? Too much is sipping on grandma's cough syrup. And then she, you know, it just kind of went away. He just said, you know what, actually, it's better if you don't know. And I was like, I don't know what he was thinking. I thought he was drunk. And she says, you know, I'm not stupid. I'm very intelligent. Girl, we have all done that. We have all wanted somebody next to us who's a little bit drunk to shut the entire fuck up. But now she's thinking, maybe this has something to do with it.

Speaker 2:
[14:20] Yeah. And she says, now I believe him. So sometime after his death, Anne began searching the house for a safety deposit box key because she's like, what if he made that list? What if that list has the names of who killed him? It's sitting in a bank somewhere. Basically, she is scouring the house for clues. She didn't find anything. But in her interview, she's like, I want to know who did this to my husband. I want to know not only who murdered him, but I want to know who hired him.

Speaker 1:
[14:48] Yeah.

Speaker 5:
[14:49] The same day that Jack was murdered, a major drug bust occurred in the area, triggered by an anonymous informant. Could there have been a connection?

Speaker 1:
[14:57] And they make it a point to tell us that the reason that this bust occurred, the reason that they could go in and get these guys, was due to an anonymous informant. So, yeah, maybe they're connected. And Anne also says, even if he was involved in that, even if something nefarious was going on, it doesn't give anyone the right to kill someone, but she really can't believe it. She really can't believe that her husband, now deceased, would be involved in anything bad, but that actually doesn't matter.

Speaker 2:
[15:30] No, totally. And then they show us two composite sketches of the two suspects. The man who actually shot Jack is described as being 35 to 40, six feet tall, wearing a beige jacket. And I was like, what, why do you need to tell us that? Do you think he's never gonna take the beige jacket off?

Speaker 1:
[15:46] That looks like, no, he's wearing a blue sweater.

Speaker 2:
[15:49] Oh shit, so close. And the second man was approximately 50 years old. Imagine if he was like, I'm 30, 5'10, wearing a ski cap, also armed. I was like, again, did he not take this ski cap off?

Speaker 1:
[16:03] Oh yeah. And that is all they fucking tell us. The bluest of blue balls they have left us with. You guys are just season two. You're not even buying us dinner at this point. You're just sticking it in. Raw dogging, if you will. And I looked, I actually looked a lot of places. I got nothing.

Speaker 2:
[16:24] Same.

Speaker 1:
[16:25] All I know is Dutch has passed, his first wife has passed, his sons have sadly passed. When we were talking earlier about the crime rate, I was looking up, how do you say it? Ypsilanti?

Speaker 2:
[16:38] Ypsilanti.

Speaker 1:
[16:39] Sure. I was looking up the crime rate and there was actually something called the Michigan Murders, but that was in the 60s and it was in Ann Arbor and Ypsilanti.

Speaker 2:
[16:51] Ypsilanti.

Speaker 1:
[16:52] He was called the Ypsilanti Ripper and the Co-ed Killer. And it's really hard to measure these things because the 80s were, there was so much violence and that violence has like cut down by 50 percent. But I'd still, to your point, don't think it was any kind of mafia hub by any means. It wasn't like the Atlantic City of the Midwest. Ypsilanti were like the Atlantic City of the Midwest.

Speaker 2:
[17:22] Well, the thing is, a lot of the times we do get updates on these cases, a lot of them do end up getting solved. But this one, like nothing, not an update, not a nothing.

Speaker 9:
[17:33] It really seems unfair because Jack didn't deserve to die. If he did do something wrong, he did something bad, I've thought in my mind that maybe I didn't want to know that if he did something bad, I don't want to know about him. But it's not true. I can think of anything he could have done that would give those people the right to come in and take his life.

Speaker 2:
[17:58] I'm so sorry to this family, but I don't think it's ever gonna get solved.

Speaker 1:
[18:04] Joey, guess who's back? Skims. I feel like you have all heard me say how much I love Skims, but I guess I will say it again because they are constantly coming out with new products and changing the game. And every time they come out with something, I love it, and they've done it again with their new cotton fabric. I love their new underwear collection, the Everyday Cotton, because I pretty much only wear cotton underwear, and I'm a full-butted conagal. I don't do the thong to the thong thong thongs. And now they have my favorite Skims bra, the Unlined Demi Bra that I wear at home in cotton, and it is so soft, it is silky.

Speaker 2:
[18:48] Listen, Skims also makes great gifts because I got my sister the Everyday Cotton Ultimate bra and she loves it. She's got grand titans like you and they're very happy.

Speaker 1:
[18:58] So shop Everyday Cotton and all of my favorite bras and underwear at skims.com. After you place the order, be sure and let them know we sent you. Select podcast in the survey and be sure to select our show in the drop-down menu that follows. Enjoy your tushies and titans. Joey, I have never been so excited to say guess who's back.

Speaker 2:
[19:22] Who?

Speaker 3:
[19:24] Lumi Gummies is back.

Speaker 2:
[19:26] So imagine if edibles just made you feel good instead of too high. Consistent, mellow, and super delicious. Lumi Gummies are specifically designed to make you feel good, not stoned.

Speaker 1:
[19:38] Yeah, whether you're looking for an end-of-day de-stresser or a mid-day mood boost or help getting the best sleep ever, Lumi Gummies has a strain that's right for you. Lumi, we have missed you. Lumi Gummies come in nine strains and they can fall into three effect categories that's suited for different uses. You have Sativa, Hybrid, Intica. It just kind of depends on what you're looking for. Are you looking to sleep? Are you looking to be a little giggly and a little creative? Lumi has got you.

Speaker 2:
[20:12] Listen, that Sativa orange cream cookie, delicious. I pop one, I go for a walk at the reservoir near my house, I put my music in my ears, and I am like so happy I can't even explain it to you. Also, it just helps me zoom in on what I'm doing, which is most of the time walking and meditating without feeling crazy. I'm so glad Lumi is back. They're literally my favorite.

Speaker 1:
[20:35] And sometimes I do want to giggle, but if you want to try the Cotton Candy Kush Gummies, oh, kiss insomnia goodbye, they are going to give you sleep and some pain reduction if you need that to go to sleep, and they're delicious. And like we said before, you're never going to feel too high. It's like they just take you to that just right place.

Speaker 2:
[20:55] Lumi Gummies are available nationwide.

Speaker 1:
[20:58] Go to lumigummies.com. That's L-U-M-I gummies.com and use code I Think Not for 30% off your order.

Speaker 2:
[21:08] Again, that's L-U-M-I gummies.com. Code I Think Not.

Speaker 1:
[21:13] lumigummies.com code I Think Not.

Speaker 2:
[21:17] I know what I'm having for dessert tonight.

Speaker 1:
[21:18] Cheesecake?

Speaker 2:
[21:27] Our next story is one I've heard many times growing up in New Orleans. Oh, really? Oh yeah, New Orleans is very Catholic, and so a lot of my family outside of my parents and my siblings are very Catholic.

Speaker 1:
[21:39] You know this particular story?

Speaker 2:
[21:41] I don't know this particular one, but I've heard many stories of Jesus showing up on toast, Mary showing up in someone's yogurt, and St. Francis doing backstrokes in someone's cereal, okay? There have been many sightings that people call miracles, but the Catholic Church is very conservative when it comes to confirming that there's been a miracle. And we've all heard this, right? Oh, that statue was crying blood, that statue of Mary gave a little toot during Mass, just things like that. It's a miracle.

Speaker 1:
[22:09] All I know is Robert Stack is in a Catholic Church and I'm already triggered.

Speaker 2:
[22:13] But I just want to drive home that the Catholic Church has only confirmed maybe three out of a quadrillion sightings of a miracle. I think the last miracle they confirmed was your former best friend landing a husband. Anyway, moving on.

Speaker 1:
[22:28] Picture it. Portugal. 1917. Honestly, great year for music.

Speaker 2:
[22:34] Oh, great.

Speaker 1:
[22:34] You know, the music of 1917? I have some favorites.

Speaker 2:
[22:38] Lots of mandolins.

Speaker 1:
[22:39] Yeah. So I'm sure you know, your ankles are beautiful.

Speaker 2:
[22:43] Uh-huh.

Speaker 1:
[22:44] Our love is like a steam engine. It didn't, it was more of a niche hit. If the war doesn't get you, measles will. That was sort of a... That, honestly, he toured with that for years.

Speaker 2:
[22:58] Gorgeous.

Speaker 1:
[22:58] And then, obviously, the biggest hit to come out of that year, you know it, right?

Speaker 2:
[23:04] Oh, remind me.

Speaker 1:
[23:05] My horse, he's seen some shit.

Speaker 2:
[23:07] What the?

Speaker 1:
[23:08] Yeah. I mean, that hook though, who could, it's like...

Speaker 2:
[23:26] The Tupac of the 19s.

Speaker 1:
[23:28] Honestly, at this moment, I know we're not that far into the episode. I think I'm gonna confirm. I double dosed my medication.

Speaker 2:
[23:35] I would agree with that. Okay. Anyway, go on with how Portugal is one of the three confirmed miracles. Tell them the story.

Speaker 1:
[23:42] Right. Well, you just told the story. We're in Fatima, Portugal, and I guess the biggest miracle appeared there. So during this time, there were three young kids, and these kids said, God appeared to them, made them a promise, and that promise was he was gonna show signs of his existence. And those 1917 kids were like, yes, mama, slay the house boots down, show that existence, honey. I am so cringe. I hate myself.

Speaker 2:
[24:16] No, you're fine. Well, apparently God was like, actually, I've got a date and a time, so show up on this day and this time and this field and I'm gonna make an appearance. And so everyone came from the town, some journalists showed up. It's a massive crowd.

Speaker 5:
[24:31] And on the day in specified time, in the middle of a rainstorm and in front of a huge crowd, the clouds parted and according to witnesses and reporters, the sun apparently touched the earth.

Speaker 2:
[24:42] When you say the sun touched the earth, do you mean the sun as in sunbeams or as the sun as in the actual sun gave the earth a fist bump? You know what I'm saying?

Speaker 1:
[24:52] Do you know how far away the sun is from the earth?

Speaker 2:
[24:55] I do, but I'm just going by the words they use because listen-

Speaker 1:
[24:59] How many miles is it?

Speaker 2:
[25:00] It's years, it's many, many years away, like years.

Speaker 1:
[25:03] No, there's a mile set to it.

Speaker 2:
[25:04] I don't fucking know, but is many miles?

Speaker 1:
[25:07] 93 million.

Speaker 2:
[25:08] Okay, wonderful, but what I'm saying is I don't think it's such a far-fetched question for me to pose when these people, they think Jesus is gonna show up and do the Macarena from the sky. You know what I mean? Anyway, this was deemed a miracle and everyone goes back to this spot every year to celebrate the anniversary of a bunch of kids getting their cornea scorched by the sun.

Speaker 1:
[25:36] Well, there are some more miracles taking place in Yugoslavia in a village called Mediguria. This goes back to 1981. Again, there are a couple of kids and they said, I love this story, the Virgin Mary keeps appearing to them, but she keeps coming back and being like, you guys, this is the last time I'm coming around. No, I'm serious. You guys, stop. Listen, the second coming of Christ is coming. I'm not gonna be out here stealing his, you guys, this is the last time. But the kids are like, she kept coming back. I was like, Mary's a people pleaser, it's fine. I swear, I swear, this is the last time. I'm so sorry. I had one more thing to tell you. Oh my God, I forgot what it was now. Okay, stop, okay, stop.

Speaker 2:
[26:20] What is the 411? What are all the tunes? What's going on? Any more mandolin hits?

Speaker 1:
[26:27] And they're like, Mary, come on, you're being a little needy. She's like, I know, I just miss you guys.

Speaker 2:
[26:32] Listen, we are not making fun of any Catholic folks who are here. I'm just saying, some of this is, kids are stupid and they're bored.

Speaker 1:
[26:38] Honey, if they are here and they are Catholic, they are laughing, right? We're not saying anything offensive. It's a crazy story. If they believe this story, they should, you know what, subscribe to the Patreon. There's some great content there.

Speaker 2:
[26:55] But also, I just want to say, all of these sightings, it's just confirmation that kids are stupid and we're stupid for believing them.

Speaker 1:
[27:02] Yes.

Speaker 2:
[27:03] Anyway, so basically the bishop of Medjugorje, but they keep calling it Medjugorje, and I'm like, there's no IA on the end. It's Medjugorje. Anyway, the bishop is like, hi, this is bullshit. But the pope was like, you know what? This sounds crazy. Like Mary showing up, she is funny that way. So why don't we just review it again? Anyway, Robert Stack is very excited to tell us that we in America might be having our very own miracle.

Speaker 5:
[27:30] Some skeptics believe that this is nothing more than a hallucination. Others suspect a hoax. But many eyewitnesses are positive that they experience something that has no physical or scientific explanation. A phenomenon, they insist, was divinely inspired.

Speaker 1:
[27:46] Apparently, there is a small town in Pennsylvania and there was a miracle there. Yes, okay, they got Wi-Fi. Yay, Pennsylvania. It's just outside Pittsburgh in a place called Ambridge. Yeah. It's one of those areas that we see in the United States that was big during the Industrial Revolution and now there's a bunch of abandoned, condemned, dilapidated mills and these people are there. They're like, this is our home, but it's slowly deteriorating and a lot of them are part of the local church.

Speaker 2:
[28:22] This church is called the Holy Trinity Church. People are there to find solace and community. In the front of this church, they have a big wooden plaster statue of Jesus just hanging on the cross suspended from the ceiling, which has been there since 1931. And the year before this episode, the statue had been refurbished. And we meet the local artist who did it named Dominic Leo. And we see him painting Jesus' face, except it looks like Zombie Jesus. What is this man doing?

Speaker 1:
[28:50] Okay, we see him painting this face. And not to be blasphemous, because Lord knows we've had a lot of blasphemy. We got that covered. But why are they giving Jesus a smoky eye? It is a defined smoky eye and a red lip. And honey, everybody knows, if you do a smoky eye, you gotta do a pale lip. You can't do a smoky eye and a red lip. You're doing two different looks. But the point is, Dominic, what the fuck is going on with what you done did to Jesus?

Speaker 2:
[29:23] Baby, also, he added a little too much mint green to the skin color. So he literally has like a hue of green, like zombie green. Anyway.

Speaker 1:
[29:34] It reminds me of that old woman who tried to refurbish that painting.

Speaker 2:
[29:38] In Spain.

Speaker 1:
[29:39] Yes.

Speaker 2:
[29:40] Of Jesus.

Speaker 1:
[29:41] No, it wasn't Jesus. Was it Jesus?

Speaker 2:
[29:44] Do you not remember how I went on and on about that for like maybe a year? Yes, it made you cry. Because I was so tickled by it. Hold on.

Speaker 1:
[29:53] But that's what it looks like. He's messing up Jesus' face. What? Show me.

Speaker 3:
[30:01] Yeah, that's it. That's it. Yeah.

Speaker 1:
[30:05] You were crying, laughing when you showed that to me.

Speaker 2:
[30:08] Listen, you really have to be careful about who you ask to refurbish your Jesuses. Anyway, Dominic is going on and on about how the eyes are open. He's painted the eyes open. He used a blue, gray, and then a special color to bring out the death. I was like, girl, okay, thanks, Dominic. You made Jesus look like an extra in The Walking Dead. You know what? God bless.

Speaker 5:
[30:30] On March 24th, 1989, a special three-hour mass was held to celebrate Good Friday. Worshipping together was a devoted prayer group. 300 men and women would take their Catholic beliefs very seriously.

Speaker 2:
[30:43] So we hit March 24th, 1989, and Robert Stack tells us this church is having a special three-hour mass.

Speaker 1:
[30:52] Why is there a three-hour mass? Girl, I had the same reaction.

Speaker 6:
[30:56] What are you guys talking about?

Speaker 1:
[30:58] I need a crisp, tight 60 minutes. That brunch isn't gonna eat itself. Did the choir sing extra songs? They're like, this is a tune we heard at Coachella. Hit it.

Speaker 3:
[31:11] What is happening?

Speaker 1:
[31:13] No, but I'm serious. I'm not being funny. What could take up three hours?

Speaker 2:
[31:17] Well, it was a Good Friday service. There's 300 people there. And I'm like, there is no reason. Even God took breaks. I'm just saying, a three-hour service, God's grateful you showed up.

Speaker 1:
[31:27] The priest is like, and thus saith the Lord. Speaking of the Lord, that reminds me of this story when I was in college.

Speaker 3:
[31:35] What are we doing?

Speaker 2:
[31:37] There's no reason.

Speaker 1:
[31:37] Absolutely. Listen, Joey has been on his knees for close to two hours. Three hours, absolutely not.

Speaker 2:
[31:44] Okay. Did that feel good?

Speaker 1:
[31:46] Actually, it was pretty funny.

Speaker 2:
[31:48] Anyway, there's 300 people in this congregation and they're taking communion, which they're probably grateful for the snack.

Speaker 3:
[31:55] I imagine them having like a hypoglycemic.

Speaker 1:
[31:58] They're like, I'm so hungry. My blood sugar's dropping.

Speaker 2:
[32:01] I know. I would be like, could I have a little extra of Jesus' body and a little bit more of that blood? Cause I am thirsty. I'm parched from eating. I'm parched.

Speaker 1:
[32:19] Joey, we have a new sponsor! Well, it has to do with shopping and saving money, so you know it's gonna be my favorite. Whatnot is here.

Speaker 2:
[32:30] So if you're like, what is Whatnot? I would love to tell you. Whatnot is an app that you can download where you get to do live shopping in the app. And it happens in real time. Basically, someone pops up, you hop into their live, and they're selling different pieces. And whatever you're in the market for, they've got, whether you're looking for clothes, shoes, electronics, video games, you name it, they got it.

Speaker 1:
[32:54] You all know I love a deal, and I love thrifting. I love not putting stuff in our landfills. And this is actually what I loved about Whatnot. It's actually fun to shop, because sellers are selling their curated items. And so I just watch it live. You can see the products up close. They can touch it. You can live chat and say turn it to the left, turn it to the right. However, the best deals do go fast, so do not sleep on Whatnot.

Speaker 2:
[33:23] Now, I'm not gonna lie, I did join a man's live simply because he was handsome. But then this handsome man had a beautiful itinerary, and I bought a pair of vintage corduroy jeans by Tommy Hilfiger for $20. I love them.

Speaker 1:
[33:38] I love that for you. I bought Lola a bunch of Lululemon stuff, cause you know I'm not paying full price for that. There is truly something for everybody, not just clothes, there's beauty stuff, they have luxury bags, accessories, all kinds of things for different shoppers. So download the Whatnot app today and get free shipping on your first order.

Speaker 2:
[34:00] Just search W-H-A-T-N-O-T, Whatnot in the app store and start scoring amazing deals.

Speaker 1:
[34:07] Amazing deals? Never heard of it. Tell me about it. Sounds fun. This is one of Joey's favorites. Tell him who's back, Joey.

Speaker 2:
[34:18] Y'all, Fume is back. And if you're like, what is Fume? I'd love to tell you. Fume is a flavored air device designed to help folks quit vaping and smoking by breaking the hand-to-mouth pattern. It's super simple. It's natural. And it's brilliant because there's no nicotine, there are no batteries, there's no vapor. It's just this weighted, twisty, fidgety-friendly thing that you can use to help curb your cravings.

Speaker 1:
[34:45] I think you talked about this last time, and it's so true because cravings aren't just about nicotine. It's that habit, it's that motion, it's that oral fixation. And then it gets so hard to quit because if you break that loop, if that little pattern is broken, then the cravings come back. So Fume replaces that habit with flavored air and a fidget device. Everybody's happy, especially ya lungs.

Speaker 2:
[35:09] Let me tell you something. Also, I have ADHD, which adds a whole other layer to this. And I will say this little Fume fidgety device has been a godsend. And you know where I love it the most? At a rave or on a plane.

Speaker 1:
[35:23] And also when you grab a Journey Pack, you'll also get a free gift just for using our code, I Think Not.

Speaker 2:
[35:31] Fume has already helped over 700,000 people take steps toward better habits, and now it's your turn.

Speaker 1:
[35:37] Use code I Think Not to get a free gift with your Journey Pack.

Speaker 2:
[35:40] Head to tryfume.com. That's tryfum.com. And use code I Think Not to claim your free gift today. There's healthy fidgeting, and then there's unhealthy fidgeting.

Speaker 1:
[35:53] I don't even want to know.

Speaker 2:
[35:54] It's 2026. Let's do the healthy fidgeting. Okay.

Speaker 1:
[36:01] Joey, guess who's here?

Speaker 2:
[36:02] Who?

Speaker 1:
[36:04] Mint Mobile. I have been absolutely going through it with my wireless provider. I have no idea why. You know this. My calls drop. Everything is scratchy. We call each other back 10 times. Plus, I am paying a fortune. And Mint Mobile is like, why are you all overpaying for wireless? Because that's all you know. Mint is here to fix all that.

Speaker 2:
[36:27] Let me tell you something. There are some things that we've just accepted. Like, oh, that's just how it is. And one of them is overpaying for wireless service. Mint Mobile is here to the rescue because they have plans starting at 15 bucks a month. All plans come with high-speed data and unlimited talk and text delivered on the nation's largest 5G network. What a blessing.

Speaker 1:
[36:48] And I know what you're thinking. I know what you're thinking, but I don't want to give up my phone number. Don't worry about it. You can bring your own phone and number and activate with eSIM in a matter of minutes. Just go, start saving. No long-term contracts, no hassle. Go, go, go!

Speaker 2:
[37:04] I hooked my nephew up with a Mint Mobile plan and he is loving it, especially because sometimes service in New Orleans can be real weird, but he's like, I haven't dropped a call, I haven't missed a text, I have not missed a single TikTok video. And I said, you know what? There is a God.

Speaker 1:
[37:18] Yeah, that's the only weird thing in New Orleans. Anyway.

Speaker 2:
[37:20] Okay, how dare you.

Speaker 1:
[37:22] So if you're like me and you like your money, Mint Mobile is for you.

Speaker 2:
[37:27] Shop plans at mintmobile.com/ithink Not.

Speaker 1:
[37:31] That's mintmobile.com/ithink Not.

Speaker 2:
[37:34] Upfront payment of $45 for three month, five gigabyte plan required. Equivalent to $15 a month.

Speaker 1:
[37:40] New customer offer for first three months only, then full price plan options available.

Speaker 2:
[37:46] Taxes and fees extra. See Mint Mobile for details.

Speaker 1:
[37:49] Tell me more about that just one weird thing that's in New Orleans.

Speaker 2:
[37:52] I don't like where this is going. Anyway, this altar boy named Jim Svitkovic, he says, after I took my communion, I knelt down next to the altar. I look up and I see that statue of Jesus hanging on the cross, and Jesus' eyes are closed. And I was like, well, probably because he was tired of looking at everybody for three hours, my God, my God, but whatever. Anyway, Jim is like, I remember his eyes being open, and now they're closed, and I was terrified, but I was elated because Jesus closed his eyes for me, and I was like, did he close his eyes, or have you been at church for three hours, and you're delirious, and the only thing you've had is a little sip of grape juice, and also one wafer.

Speaker 1:
[38:44] So Jim gets his brother, Tom, great names, by the way, don't knock yourself out. Just the bare minimum there. And he's like, Tom, look up at Jesus. And Tom's like, yeah, you know what, go look from the other side. Maybe it's a reflection or something. So Jim goes to the other side of the altar, he goes, no, they're still closed, oh my gosh. And Jim is so overcome with emotion, he starts crying, and the priest is like, what's up?

Speaker 3:
[39:12] And Jim's like, I just, I am a little hypoglycemic, so let me just get that out there right now. I'm starving, but Jesus' eyes are closed.

Speaker 10:
[39:22] So I went back out with another priest who was helping me that evening, and we looked, and there was a change, and I started to look around in church at the people.

Speaker 2:
[39:33] Well, the priest is like, the artist who refurbished this statue the previous year is here. And so Father Vincent, that's the priest's name, is like, hey, yo, Dommy, why don't you come up here?

Speaker 3:
[39:46] Before you leave, come here, come here, come here. Dominic!

Speaker 2:
[39:49] Dom, I need you to come up here and take a look at this statue, and Dom is like, what, you don't like the zombie eyes? It's a special technique, all right? I can't take it, no takesie-backsies.

Speaker 1:
[39:56] Jesus Christ, Dominic, what did you do to Jesus Christ?

Speaker 3:
[40:01] Jesus Christ, you see how he fucked up Jesus' face?

Speaker 2:
[40:06] Why does Jesus look like he's on day three of a meth bender? What's happening here?

Speaker 3:
[40:10] This fucking guy.

Speaker 2:
[40:11] Anyway, so Dom is like, oh, I'll take a look at it, right? They explain the situation, and Dom is here in real time. Through tears, he's like, not only were eyes, sorry, not only were Jesus' eyes closed, but the area around Jesus' eyes were like fleshy, and they seemed to be wet from tears, and they were moving. And so, look, I don't want to insult people.

Speaker 1:
[40:37] Okay, why are you stopping now? What, all of a sudden you woke up and you're like, I'm gonna stop insulting people? That's half of your repertoire.

Speaker 2:
[40:44] Now listen, I'd rather walk on my lips than talk shit, but. I just want to know, did y'all hand out grape Kool-Aid for the blood of Christ? Or were you giving Merlot to people on empty stomachs? You know what I'm saying?

Speaker 1:
[40:58] Listen, you know I never gossip. You all know that about me, far be it from me. Only when a person is perfect can they judge others. Dominant fucked up that Jesus.

Speaker 2:
[41:10] He really did.

Speaker 1:
[41:11] And he's so emotional on this episode because he knows he's busted.

Speaker 3:
[41:16] He's like, I'm never gonna be hired to restore another Jesus anywhere in town.

Speaker 1:
[41:21] So I have to make this look like a miracle. This is a con.

Speaker 2:
[41:25] I don't know, it's very interesting. I mean, they grab a ladder, they got Dominic yeeting himself up this ladder, hanging off the top, being like, yep, yep, yep, I see the eyes, they're closed, and there's a couple of tears. And then Dom is like, well, the left eye is closed and the right eye is slightly open. And I'm like, what is it? Are they closed or are they open? Nobody takes the backsees.

Speaker 1:
[41:44] He looks like one of those broken keepy dolls.

Speaker 2:
[41:46] Yeah, exactly.

Speaker 1:
[41:47] This artist, Dominic, is laying it on thick. He is giving the performance of a lifetime. Incidentally, you can catch him this spring playing Alfred P. Doolittle in the Holy Trinity's Immaculate Player Theatre Group's adaptation of My Fair Lady. Honestly, strong character work. You just have to listen to this man.

Speaker 11:
[42:07] It was just unbelievable what I saw. This eye here, this eye here was closed completely except for a little sliver of gray. But this eye here was open slightly and you could just see the bottom, the bottom of the retina. And this is what really did it because when I seen that, it looked like it was burned, that it had been burned from energy of some sort.

Speaker 1:
[42:30] That man is an actor. Listen, I get it. He's trying to protect his gig. I think he had a couple of edibles, got a little stoned and was like, oh shit, I fucked up Jesus' face.

Speaker 2:
[42:42] Yeah.

Speaker 1:
[42:42] Now I gotta make it look like a miracle.

Speaker 2:
[42:43] Yeah, and what helps his story is that other people confirm what they're seeing. This state trooper named Chris is like, I'm a cop, I'm a cop, I investigate, let me up there, I wanna look in Jesus' eyes. And he gets up there and he's like, yep, that's a miracle. I deem this a miracle. I've had beers with these guys and we've all experienced a miracle together.

Speaker 1:
[43:01] He says that he's been a trooper for 28 years, so he's trained, doesn't say what he's trained in, and he says, listen, I know the crucifix better than anybody. So everybody out of all the buddies out there, Trooper Marion knows the crucifix the best. If you have crucifix questions, go to him. Who says that? I know the crucifix better than everybody?

Speaker 6:
[43:24] What does that mean?

Speaker 2:
[43:25] I don't know. I mean, another parishioner, she's like, I remember when that statue wasn't hanging from the ceiling. It was just against the wall next to a bunch of candles. And I looked in Jesus' eyes and I remember him being open. And now they're closed. So I don't give a fuck what you say. It's a fucking miracle. And if you don't like it, you can eat my ass. God bless.

Speaker 1:
[43:42] That's a quote. So Rick, you don't need to play the clip on that one because Joey just quoted it perfectly. Thank you, honey.

Speaker 2:
[43:47] She's like, don't make me blow out your candles. Okay, because I will. I don't care if you paid a buffalo nickel for a miracle. Okay, anyway, so then another parishioner is like, ooh, y'all, calm down. I'm downloading a message from heaven. Give me a pen and paper. I'm writing it down. And then I'm going to let Robert Stack tell you what it said while Enya sings her hits.

Speaker 5:
[44:09] I have given this sign for all those who have faithfully come. Truly, my presence is within this church. Within the months to come, many will flock to see what I have done. Welcome them, just as the people of Medjugorje welcome those who flock to see my mother.

Speaker 2:
[44:28] And there's the message.

Speaker 1:
[44:30] That happened. Because it did. That's what happened. And thus saith the Lord.

Speaker 2:
[44:36] I'm telling you, I used to love it in church when people would like, you know, during praise and worship, somebody would just be like, thus saith the Lord. It always starts with thus saith the Lord. God's like, look, I've got a brand. And so when I send messages, it's in Old English. Okay. And so you've got to relay that message in Old English. These people would just be like, thus saith the Lord, he are coming in the ooh, in the ah, in the ye old steamer. And it's just the most random words they'd string together. And everybody like, yes, amen. It's the word of God. And I was just like, how do I get out of here?

Speaker 1:
[45:11] Well, now we meet Suzanne Renee, who's a Catholic scholar. And she says this.

Speaker 12:
[45:18] There's a very, very great possibility that it could be a subjective reality that's born of the desire to share in the same kind of thing that has happened in Medjugorje. Terrific hunger to have it happen here. And also as a kind of affirmation that their prayer group is a successful prayer group, that it's pleasing to God, and therefore he sends them this sign.

Speaker 1:
[45:45] I love you, Suzanne, because basically the translation of that is, these bitches are crazy.

Speaker 2:
[45:50] Wait a minute, because I wrote down, that's a whole lot of words just to say, these hoes is full of shit.

Speaker 1:
[45:56] Yeah, you hear Suzanne.

Speaker 3:
[45:58] Ho, why is you here?

Speaker 2:
[46:00] Truly.

Speaker 3:
[46:01] I am a Catholic scholar.

Speaker 1:
[46:03] I got other Catholicism scholarly-like things to do.

Speaker 2:
[46:09] Yeah, I mean, the truth is, getting the Catholic Church to deem this a miracle, there's a lot of boxes you gotta check off before you get their seal of approval. Now, since Jesus decided to close his eyes, he's had a lot of visitors at that small church in Ambridge, Pennsylvania, and actually this has breathed new life into this once floundering town. And I say, truthfully, if it's not hurting anyone, and if it helps people and makes them feel good, helps their faith, I say have fun. I say go with it, because what do I care?

Speaker 1:
[46:42] Yeah, and actually, because this happened back in the 80s, that Catholic Church choir is playing on one of the side stages at Coachella this week. So congrats.

Speaker 2:
[46:52] What are they singing?

Speaker 1:
[46:53] It's called, Thus Sayeth the Lord, but it's serving in parentheses, so it's like, thus, ah, ah, ah, ooh, sayeth the serving Lord, you serve him, he serves, I serve, we all serve the Lord, serve, queen, serve, like that. It's niche dance music, only played in the Vatican, so.

Speaker 2:
[47:14] How many milligrams of that ADHD meth did you take?

Speaker 1:
[47:17] Too many, I believe. Okay. I'm really, really glad you are all on this journey with me. It makes me feel not so lonely.

Speaker 2:
[47:24] Now listen, I'm not a religious man, but if y'all ever see a statue of Jesus or Mary, and you're like, oh, their eyes are doing something, it better be rolling their eyes, because that I wanna see. I just wanna see Mary propped up with a bunch of candles, like, yeah, literally like this.

Speaker 1:
[47:37] Oh God, you guys are so exhausting. I only went to those kids in Yugoslavia. That was one time, you guys.

Speaker 2:
[47:44] Well, that cop pops back in to be like, you know, my nephew said it best, because he said, you know, the reason why Jesus closed his eyes is so everyone else would open theirs. This man, you would have thought that he wrote the Pledge of Allegiance. He was so pleased with himself. People were, you know, they didn't have money. They were struggling. So I think like this just gave them hope and they latched on to it. And for that, I say, great, you know? But even if the Catholic Church is like, don't call us again until that statue of Jesus is doing the cha-cha slide.

Speaker 1:
[48:44] Well, the thing, let me just pop in and say, the thing that it does do is kind of waste time, resources and money, because the bishops looked into that. They spent time, quote, investigating, and the bishops were like, it's not a miracle. I mean, what was the investigation? You put it side by side and they're like, nothing changed, it's the same Jesus, you guys are weird, but still, it's somebody had to do the investigation, you know, Father Jiminy Cricket or whatever.

Speaker 2:
[49:09] Yeah, again, it's not hurting anybody. If it makes people happy, bada-bing, bada-boom, who am I to judge? I have sex with strangers.

Speaker 1:
[49:18] I don't think you need to keep bringing that up, but carry on.

Speaker 4:
[49:29] Welcome to the Realms of Peril and Glory. Explore the mechanically magical vistas of Vale, the paranormal mysteries of Liminal London, and the cyberpunk chaos of Cyborg. Be awed by our incredible guests from familiar shows like Oxventure and No Rolls Barred. Search Realms of Peril and Glory to find out more.

Speaker 13:
[50:02] The war is over and both sides lost. Kingdoms were reduced to cinders, and armies scattered like bones in the dust. Now the survivors claw to what's left of a broken world, praying the darkness chooses someone else tonight. But in the shadow dark, the darkness always wins. This is old school adventuring at its most cruel. Your torch ticks down in real time, and when that flame dies, something else rises to finish the job. This is a brutal rules-like nightmare, with a story that emerges organically based on the decisions that the characters make. This is what it felt like to play RPGs in the 80s, and man, it is so good to be back! Join the Glass Cannon podcast as we plunge into the shadow dark every Thursday night at 8 p.m. Eastern on youtube.com/theglasscannon, with the podcast version dropping the next day. See what everybody's talking about and join us in the dark!

Speaker 2:
[51:17] Well, our final story takes place with some naked people. We are in a nudist colony called Sunny Sands in Northern Florida. And to them, nudity is a natural way of life. And I say, let me hear you say that after you've spent a half an hour sitting on a wicker chair.

Speaker 1:
[51:35] Robert Stack says, for 40,000 Americans, nudity is a way of life. I'd like to challenge those numbers. He said there's over 200 nudist clubs in the American Sunbathing Association. Does anyone get an association? What is the application process for getting an association? The American Sunbathing Association. Oh, they did change the name recently though.

Speaker 2:
[52:03] What is it?

Speaker 1:
[52:03] It's called the American Skin Cancer Association. What the fuck were they doing in the 80s?

Speaker 2:
[52:08] I know, everybody was turning their hoo-has and their hoo-hays into wrinkled little nuts.

Speaker 1:
[52:12] Have you ever been to a nude beach, for real?

Speaker 2:
[52:15] Yeah, of course.

Speaker 1:
[52:16] Is Fire Island just like one big nude beach, like you all just walk around with your...

Speaker 2:
[52:20] Well, it's technically not a nude beach, but some people get nude.

Speaker 1:
[52:24] Oh, okay. I went to a nude beach in Nice. It's always the people you just don't want to see naked. There was this German guy with his hands on his hips and his gentleman's sausage just... And he just... He was like the mayor of the beach.

Speaker 2:
[52:39] Yeah. Listen, I say live and let live. And it's at this moment that I would like to submit one of my favorite bits from Michelle Wolf.

Speaker 14:
[52:46] Okay. In Barcelona, there's a regular beach and there's a gay beach. And if you're one of those people that are like, why can't the gay beach be the regular beach? Go to the gay beach. You'll be like, that's not regular. I love that. And of course, there's also penises out at the gay beach, but the differences between the penises at the regular beach and the penises at the gay beach are like the difference between a dog park and a dog show. Like at the regular beach, they're like, we're all just having a good time. At the gay beach, they're like number five, and he's like, yes, yes, yes. I love her.

Speaker 2:
[53:40] I love her too. So we meet Jerry Noonan, who's a co-owner of Sunny Sands.

Speaker 15:
[53:46] There's a real unfortunate misconception that being in a nudist club means sexual behavior means a lot of drinking, a lot of party atmosphere, that kind of thing. And here you don't find that kind of atmosphere. Here you find families. In a nudist club, you'll find that things are a lot more wholesome than at Daytona Beach or downtown Orlando or a lot of places.

Speaker 2:
[54:12] I just want to step in to say, I'm all for nudist colonies. Live your best life. If that's something you want to do, if you enjoy it, if it makes you feel one in nature or like one with your body, great. I have a massive problem with people bringing their children into those communities and allowing them to run around naked. One, because they don't have the option. They're just naked. Also, they're so vulnerable. I just, it gives me all a bunch of red flags.

Speaker 1:
[54:39] Yeah, I do believe that kids should be raised to respect and love bodies. I mean, I'll tell you, when we used to vacation in Europe, and Lola was little, little girls just wear bottoms because really the tops are like actually sexualizing them. And when I, you know, we used to travel Greece and like, you know, we used to go places with my in-laws. And I was like, all these little girls are running around. And I realized I was so con, they don't have tits. They have nothing, you know, so like there is that whole thing. However, people can do whatever they want. I believe after a certain age, you know, little girls shouldn't even be bathing or showering with their dads. It's, it's, everybody's different, but there is no reason why, yes, children don't get the choice, number one. And there's no reason for children to be seeing naked men and women, there's just no need. I don't know, I would love to hear anybody who thinks differently genuinely not for an argument. I don't think that's the lesson in loving your body. I think it's inappropriate.

Speaker 2:
[55:41] Yeah, I don't know, I don't have kids. I mean, it's interesting because when I was growing up, like my mom would go in the bathroom if my sister who was a teenager was showering if she needed something. You know what I mean? Like that's, I guess it's different.

Speaker 1:
[55:53] I'm sorry, it's different with girls and girls and boys and boys.

Speaker 2:
[55:56] Oh, okay, right, that's the distinction. Yes, and same. I feel the same way. I don't think a 12-year-old needs to be, yes, agreed.

Speaker 1:
[56:04] I had this conversation with my ex-husband. I said once she gets eye level to your bits, we're done. We're done with showering. When they're babies and you take them in the shower, who cares? But when they are cognizant of genitals, I'm different and what is that? Last funny story, my best friend from college, Melissa, she was at the beach and took a shower with her son because they were rinsing off and he goes, and her son, I don't know how old he was, four or something, he goes, mommy, your penis is disgusting.

Speaker 2:
[56:37] Kids are the fucking worst, I swear to God. He didn't know.

Speaker 1:
[56:41] He's like, why does she eat? It was the first time it registered that she had something different.

Speaker 2:
[56:46] Well, Jerry Noonan, the co-owner of this nudist colony, says, look, I want to make it clear. We screen potential members for a lot of reasons, especially if it's like a single man. We screen the fuck out of these guys. We vet them.

Speaker 7:
[57:02] Hi, my name's Rusty.

Speaker 5:
[57:03] In February 1988, a clever con man calling himself Garland Houston Russell, Rusty for short, arrived at the Sunny Sands Resort and asked to join the camp.

Speaker 1:
[57:13] So again, they vet him and Jerry says, I feel like he was comfortable, he was nice. Maybe he was a little bit lonely. He seemed like he was looking for a community, maybe even a partner down the line. And he had told the people who owned the camp that he was previously in the Air Force, he was discharged because his parents died in a car accident. And he was like, listen, their estate is in probate, but once that goes through, I'm gonna have a ton of money. And so he does a trial at this nudist community because he really wants to stay there.

Speaker 2:
[57:45] And the thing is, he was very charismatic. He seemed very genuine, very forthcoming, and everyone, including the nunens who owned this nudist colony were like, yeah, like he's great and he contributes. We should keep him here. And so they do. They say you're invited to stay. If there's that trailer, if you want it, it's yours. And Rusty says done and done. Did we mention that his nickname is Rusty?

Speaker 1:
[58:08] I don't think we did, but there you go. And so now we meet Vicky, who was a resident of Sunny Sands, and she said he was like an uncle or a big brother. The kids loved him, he loved the kids, and Vicky says my kids in particular loved him. They looked at him like Uncle Rusty. So now that Rusty had made new roots in this area, he renovated a store about 15 miles away, and he was gonna put a bunch of video tapes in it and have some kind of video tape business. He's like, oh, I got a bunch of these tapes when I was in the Air Force. Side note, the police say that the inventory was actually stolen from Texas. Well, here's his business model.

Speaker 5:
[58:48] For members of Sonny Sands, he had a special deal. He sold the tapes to his friends and bought them back at a slightly higher price, a tax dodge, he told them.

Speaker 7:
[58:58] Here's the deal. You're gonna give me a check for $500. I'm gonna give you a check for $600. You hold that check for 90 days.

Speaker 10:
[59:06] You pick up 20% on your money.

Speaker 7:
[59:07] You cash the check after 90 days. You pick up 20% on your money.

Speaker 10:
[59:10] You get to watch the tapes.

Speaker 7:
[59:11] You give the tapes back to me. And then I'll rent these tapes out as used tapes, you see. And then I get over on the government, right? Sounds beautiful. Right, you make the money.

Speaker 10:
[59:21] I'd rather give it to you than the government.

Speaker 7:
[59:22] Sounds great.

Speaker 2:
[59:23] Yeah, none of that made sense to me. But you know what? The thing I do know is what my father always said, which is, if it sounds too good to be true, it is.

Speaker 1:
[59:32] You have chlamydia. Wait, what was yours?

Speaker 2:
[59:34] Okay, all right. Our dads were very different. Here's the thing. In the beginning, the people who invested with Rusty were making their money back, plus interest. And now out of nowhere, we cut to neck and grandma, making bacon in the kitchen.

Speaker 1:
[59:48] Oh, who's at the door? What is that? Rusty?

Speaker 14:
[59:51] Oh, hi, honey. I was just, oh, sorry.

Speaker 1:
[59:54] I got a little grease on my titty there. Oh, what is it you need? And he's like, Ruth, listen, your teetons, you might be 70, but I'd climb those peaks. Anyway, can I have, I need $20,000. And she's like, oh yeah, no problem. Those are some nice neighbors.

Speaker 2:
[60:13] Tell them why he wanted the $20,000.

Speaker 1:
[60:16] Because he wanted to expand his business. He wanted to expand his store. Is there something crazier?

Speaker 2:
[60:21] No, but we just didn't tell him. He wasn't just asking for $20,000. He's saying, do you want to invest in my business while I expand it?

Speaker 1:
[60:27] Can I just talk to you for one second before we go?

Speaker 2:
[60:29] Go ahead, what?

Speaker 1:
[60:30] Baby, I am hopped up on Adderall.

Speaker 2:
[60:32] I know, honey. Your eyes have not looked at me once.

Speaker 1:
[60:35] I might be skipping a couple steps, so I'm gonna need you to wrangle all that grace. Like grace I give to you every single recording.

Speaker 2:
[60:43] Baby, those eyes, one eye is givin Space Mountain, the other one's givin Splash Mountain, and they're collidin. Anyway, somewhere in the middle is the Haunted Mansion. So Rusty, Rusty then, months later, goes to another couple in this naked community and is like, hey, would you like to invest $20,000 in my business? I'm expanding, but he did not tell them that he's already gettin $20,000 from Naked Grandma. So the couple is thinking, ooh, an investment, and we can help our friend. The thing is, is like Rusty has truly ingratiated himself into this community. They love him, and they have no reason not to trust him. They've seen his bits.

Speaker 1:
[61:23] And they're happy to support him. They're excited for him. They're like, you're growing business, and we can make a couple bucks in the meantime? Absolutely. But then on August 20th, 1988, this is where it all takes a turn and is not funny anymore. On that day, one of the daughters of his friends was at his trailer. She was 11 years old, and someone sees her running out of the trailer, crying. It turned out that he had attacked this little girl, threw her on the bed, touching her. And her sweet mother is Vicki, who we met at the beginning of the episode. And my heart, it was so simple, but she just said, and there are some details I just don't wanna share. I was like, thank you. You are entitled. We get the story. It was just very, I had never really heard anyone say that before. Yeah. It was just very, very sweet. We get it, Mama Vicki.

Speaker 2:
[62:16] Yeah. Well, this girl, she ended up hitting Rusty three times, and that's how she was able to get away. She goes home, distraught, tells Mama Vicki what happened, and the police are called.

Speaker 5:
[62:28] State attorneys issued a warrant for Rusty's arrest for sexual battery against a child under 12, charged for which he would be held without bond.

Speaker 7:
[62:36] We handcuffed him, put him back in the back of the mart car, and took him over to operations to be processed and to try to interview him.

Speaker 1:
[62:44] He said, yes, the little girl was over at my house. Yes, we were both nude. Obviously, we live in a nudist colony. We weren't touching each other. We were just play wrestling. It wasn't sexual at all.

Speaker 3:
[62:58] Fucking choke.

Speaker 2:
[63:00] Yeah, why is an adult man with no clothes on wrestling with an 11-year-old who has no clothes on?

Speaker 1:
[63:06] This is what we were talking about at the beginning of the episode. Listen, we know more, we do better. I'm not blaming Mama Vicky, but that is why being naked should not be normalized with children because it gives him this fucking pathetic escape route when everybody knows that it wasn't. And the girl was very specific in what she said happened. You're a piece of shit. You don't get that plausible deniability. Absolutely not.

Speaker 2:
[63:31] And the other issue is a child that age doesn't see red flags because the lines are blurred, because we're in a community where everyone is nude. So by the time they realize something, wait, this isn't right, this doesn't fall in line with what we are as a community, they're already in this awful situation. You know what I mean? So new spreads of Rusty's arrest and what happened to this poor girl. But here's the thing, the community was not only shocked, they didn't believe it. They accused that little girl of lying and Mama Vicky was like, no, no, no, everyone basically turned against us, which is horrifying.

Speaker 1:
[64:11] I was trying just for a second to even have a monocle of understanding of how that mom must have felt, how Mama Vicky must have felt. Honestly, I can't even believe she got through this interview, that poor woman. So people at the nudist colony, you all fucking hold on to your butts, people at the nudist colony convinced the judge to give this pedophile bail, $25,000 bail. How did they come with signs? Did they write a petition? Who does that? Also, let's say you don't believe the little girl. Let's say you believe him. Mind your fucking business. This has to do with families, a mother protecting her kid. How do they petition the judge?

Speaker 3:
[64:53] Who was that judge?

Speaker 1:
[64:54] That made me nauseous. Sorry, go on.

Speaker 2:
[64:57] Also, let the police investigate. I think also this community was confronted with, holy shit, I'm gonna choose denial. Because if the other option is, I have to think that I've welcomed a man into our community, into my life. I've allowed him to be alone with my children. I've given him money. So this means I have to face a lot of things I don't wanna face, so I'm just gonna go with denial. That doesn't make it right, but I-

Speaker 1:
[65:20] Still not right, yeah. No, I know what you mean.

Speaker 2:
[65:22] But I can understand that mindset.

Speaker 1:
[65:24] So he gets granted the $25,000 bail, and he goes to Bob Pickens, who was the landlord of his video store, and he's like, Bob, listen, you know I'm a good guy. You know I didn't do this. I really need your help. Can you do me a solid and bail me out for $25,000?

Speaker 16:
[65:42] I was surprised when Rusty was arrested, and very frankly, he convinced me that he was innocent. That I suppose indicates some naivety on my part, but he was very convincing.

Speaker 1:
[66:01] So he goes, gathers up $25,000. Meanwhile, the Noonans, another family, were also trying to raise his bail. But then the Noonans are like moving some money around and like looking at money and looking at Rusty's account, and they're like, this guy doesn't have two pennies to rupt. Oh, this guy has no, he's in financial ruin. Wait, if he's financially a mess, maybe he's dangerous and maybe he's been lying to us.

Speaker 2:
[66:31] Oh, not only that, cause he lied about what he owned. It was a hot fucking mess. This is the Noonans who own the nudist colony, right? They're like, oh fuck, we've been had. So immediately they try calling the bonding agent to be like, hey, do you know who's posting bail? We want to stop them. This guy is actually a bad guy, but they couldn't stop it in time and Rusty got out.

Speaker 1:
[66:52] I feel like he just fucking left. You missed him.

Speaker 2:
[66:55] Not only did Rusty get out because his landlord, Bob Pickens, paid it. He also told Bob Pickens, you know, my reputation in this town is ruined and I've got this thriving business. It would be a real shame for it to just go to waste. Why don't you buy it from me, Bob? And Bob did. But here's the crazy, it gets crazier. Because Bob was not even the first or the second person that Rusty sold all his inventory to. He was the third. Mm-hmm.

Speaker 1:
[67:24] Everyone's coming to grab those beta tapes.

Speaker 3:
[67:27] I'm like, I'm gonna just get a U-Haul.

Speaker 1:
[67:30] What's that U-Haul doing? Probably a bunch of lesbians. Anyway, what's... Another three U...

Speaker 3:
[67:34] Is everybody lesbians here? What are we doing?

Speaker 1:
[67:37] Everyone's trying to go get those beta tapes.

Speaker 2:
[67:40] Crazy.

Speaker 1:
[67:41] And then, he sold his car, they tell us, twice. I don't understand how you can sell a car twice. And he's like, uh, pay no mind. He rented a car and drove off. Never showed up to his court date. So everybody that loaned him money, invested in his company, they're just out that money. And there's one person who comes and doesn't want their identity to be revealed. And I love what he says. He's like, listen, I got swindled, I got had. I lost a lot of money. That sucks. But whatever he did to that child, that is what I want retribution for. And I was like, bravo. Thank you for saying that out loud.

Speaker 2:
[68:19] Well, it turns out that Rusty is not Rusty's name. This man has 42 aliases. His real name is William Eugene Hilliard, and Rusty is his cousin, whose identity he stole from Tennessee.

Speaker 5:
[68:31] Hilliard has been arrested in 14 states and has wanted for fraud in Florida and Texas. His swindles total at least half a million dollars. Hilliard has green eyes and is nearly bald. He disguises his appearance with a toupee of straight brown hair, often worn with a headband. He is 44 years old, weighs 200 pounds and is six feet tall.

Speaker 2:
[68:52] This man has swindled people out of $500,000 or more. Also, he wears a really bad toupee.

Speaker 1:
[69:01] I just, ain't you tired, Ms. Hilli? Like, living that life, and we have covered so many of these swindlers in different ways. I mean, this man's a fucking pedophile, but the fraud part of it, living that life just must be exhausting. How do you even live? How do you breathe? How do you not look over your shoulder? How do you keep track of your 42 aliases?

Speaker 2:
[69:25] Well, being a disgusting pervert aside, he probably is addicted to the hit of swindling people. So that check hits and he's like, fuck, I got another one I gotta get. You know what I mean?

Speaker 1:
[69:35] It's like that time I stole a Diet Coke from Target. I really felt that I was on top of the world.

Speaker 6:
[69:39] Jesus Christ.

Speaker 2:
[69:40] All right, calm down, Karen Carpenter. So after this aired, folks in South Carolina said, yo, come get your guy. He's at South of Myrtle Beach and he goes by the name Ronald Edward Kent.

Speaker 1:
[69:51] Mm-hmm, thank God. Choke.

Speaker 2:
[69:54] So Ronald Edward Kent, otherwise known as Rusty, was extradited back to Florida, where he was convicted of sexual battery of a child under 12, and they gave that man life in prison.

Speaker 1:
[70:05] Thank God. So I could not find him because some of the court records also have him as Garland Houston Russell, but that was reported on by news outlets. I'm very confused because I couldn't find his prison status under that name. And a lot of times, if people like, you know, pedophiles and pieces of shit die, nobody cares. So there's no obituary or anything. So I'm pretty sure he's six feet under where he belongs. I hope his eyeballs are being eaten out by centipedes. Say something funny.

Speaker 2:
[70:39] Well, listen, I've not had visions of Jesus in my pasta or Mary hanging out in my room. But I did have a vision the other day of Gilbert Godfrey.

Speaker 1:
[70:50] The late great, may he rest.

Speaker 2:
[70:52] Yeah, he came to me in the night at a rave. And I saw him and I was like, Oh my, Gilbert Godfrey, what are you doing here? And he's like...

Speaker 1:
[71:03] He's already making himself laugh.

Speaker 2:
[71:06] I've got a message from the other side. And I was like, what's the message? Gilbert, he goes, Your friend Ellyn is a cunt! God bless!

Speaker 1:
[71:17] God and Gilbert Godfrey came down to tell you what you already know? That sounds like a terrible message from God. God should workshop that.

Speaker 2:
[71:26] No, I think it was actually confirmation.

Speaker 1:
[71:40] Oh, thank you, Down Bitches, thank you so much. I don't know where you are in the world, but the sun is coming out, and I am so happy about it. Don't forget tomorrow, part two of Trust Me on Netflix. And I'm going to be the best doctor in the world, and again, not to say my same thing I said at the beginning, but trust me, you all, this documentary is superb. It's a docu-series. They do such a great job. Please take a listen. If you want that, everything else over on the Patreon, Diddy, Jodie Hildebrandt, Elizabeth Smart, Perfect Neighbor, it's all over there, plus hundreds of our back episodes, patreon.com/ithink Not, but there are many ways you can support and help us for free.

Speaker 2:
[72:20] Follow us on social media, please. You'll find us on all platforms at I Think Not Pod. Also join our Facebook group, which is the I Think Not Podcast Facebook discussion group, which is a great way to connect with other DBs as well as keeping up to date with our comings and goings. Remember, an easy way to support us is you can download the True Crime Rundown wherever you listen to your podcast. It just gives us a little boost in the algorithm and helps us out.

Speaker 1:
[72:44] And speaking of downloading, hey, if you are listening on the Patreon or Apple subscriptions, please give us a download anyway. Then you can delete it. It's totally fine. You can delete it off your phone. This is just business. This is just housekeeping. You guys asked how you could support us for free. Well, no, you didn't. But anyway, we love you so much for being here. Thank you for letting us sit in your ear holes, Mondays, Wednesdays and Thursdays. It really is just such a blast. And I'm so happy summer is coming. Until next time, I love you, Joey. I love you too, Yellow Marine Marsh.

Speaker 2:
[73:15] And I love you, Davies.

Speaker 1:
[73:16] I love you, Down Bitches.

Speaker 2:
[73:27] I can't phonate. Cabernet 7 yay. Cabernet. I did say which friend.

Speaker 1:
[73:35] I got a lot of friends.

Speaker 2:
[73:36] It is scary.

Speaker 1:
[73:38] I know. It's so weird.

Speaker 2:
[73:39] Because I was about to say that. Just waiting for that countdown, like, you can just run your mouth. You got something to say.

Speaker 4:
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Speaker 6:
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