transcript

Speaker 1:
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Speaker 2:
[01:31] I think the density of their children could not match the fight over the juicer.

Speaker 3:
[01:36] Kim wanted the juicer more than she wanted her kids.

Speaker 2:
[01:38] Kim didn't give a fuck about those kids, but you touch her juicer?

Speaker 3:
[01:42] She's coming for ya.

Speaker 2:
[01:43] The way that Kim...

Speaker 3:
[01:45] She's a health queen.

Speaker 2:
[01:46] Out of nowhere, this woman is like, actually, I'm gonna start juicing. You're... She is a fucking loony tomb.

Speaker 3:
[01:54] She's a petty bitch.

Speaker 2:
[01:55] She is psychotic.

Speaker 3:
[01:57] Or was it producers? This episode, to me, felt very produced. I was like, I feel like we're watching a sitcom, almost.

Speaker 2:
[02:06] Well, here's what I think. I feel like Ken told... KKKKen said to her, he was like... So he told her about the juicer. And then she was like, oh, you know what? I was actually planning on starting juicing tomorrow.

Speaker 3:
[02:22] I'm actually starting my health kick tomorrow. It's crazy after all this time. Tomorrow's the day.

Speaker 2:
[02:27] I'm gonna bounce on the trampoline. I am going to rebound. I'm going to stretch in a split. I am going to kettlebell. Yeah.

Speaker 3:
[02:37] And walk.

Speaker 2:
[02:38] And juice.

Speaker 3:
[02:39] And juice.

Speaker 2:
[02:39] And dance.

Speaker 3:
[02:40] And dance.

Speaker 2:
[02:40] Yes.

Speaker 3:
[02:41] Don't forget the dance.

Speaker 2:
[02:42] The way that Kim had to look at her paper as she's putting up her lesson plan on the blackboard of.

Speaker 3:
[02:49] I'm like, I think we got it. I think we know we're gonna rebound. We're gonna walk. We're gonna kettlebell.

Speaker 2:
[02:53] I feel like she was looking to like check her spelling. Like she was like, read, sound it out.

Speaker 3:
[03:00] Home school by Kim isn't doing so hot.

Speaker 2:
[03:02] No.

Speaker 3:
[03:03] Are they still homeschooling those girls? Because I don't think anybody's in charge of them.

Speaker 2:
[03:07] No, I think Amber's in charge of them.

Speaker 3:
[03:08] Okay, that's what I think. Lydia's still getting on to their power schools and checking their grades.

Speaker 2:
[03:14] I think that Lydia's busy having sex.

Speaker 3:
[03:16] Okay.

Speaker 2:
[03:16] Yeah, Lydia's busy. Lydia's got a mouthful.

Speaker 3:
[03:19] She's busy educating herself.

Speaker 2:
[03:21] Yeah, she's been watching a lot of sex ed stuff. You know, she's like, I missed out.

Speaker 3:
[03:26] Do you think she's gone on a porn? She's watched a porn?

Speaker 2:
[03:28] No.

Speaker 3:
[03:29] Okay.

Speaker 2:
[03:29] The father would see that.

Speaker 3:
[03:30] Yeah, right.

Speaker 2:
[03:31] No.

Speaker 3:
[03:31] Okay. Yeah, you're right.

Speaker 2:
[03:32] Absolutely. She just does.

Speaker 3:
[03:33] She read like a smut novel. How did she figure out how to be so freaky?

Speaker 2:
[03:36] Well, just because you're Christian don't mean you can't be freaky.

Speaker 3:
[03:39] I know that, but I feel like she's listen.

Speaker 2:
[03:41] There are some stories from the Bible that are pretty hot and heavy.

Speaker 3:
[03:45] Okay.

Speaker 2:
[03:45] Okay. I don't know them. I don't know about Philippians 517 or Corinthians 9 to or any of those Jobbians 1820. I don't know. But I do feel like there's some crazy stuff that goes on in there.

Speaker 3:
[04:01] And I know there's some slutty women, right?

Speaker 2:
[04:03] Yeah. Well, I think all women are sluts, basically.

Speaker 3:
[04:07] Okay. Lydia, I can't wait to get into her slut era. Oh, she's like 10 o'clock lights are off.

Speaker 2:
[04:15] Oh, no lights are on. She wants she wants Zach to see every inch of her body.

Speaker 3:
[04:20] I mean, okay. And it's a great body.

Speaker 2:
[04:22] She's got a great body. I need to give a shout out right now, okay, because I was just shown the absolute funniest thing I have ever seen from a TikToker named Hot Hot Black Nerd Girl on TikTok.

Speaker 3:
[04:39] All right.

Speaker 2:
[04:40] She does an un-serious convictions of the Plath family.

Speaker 3:
[04:45] It was so funny.

Speaker 2:
[04:46] I'm not going to ruin it for you because I want you to experience it in its entirety, but this girl is my fucking girl. I love her. I love her so much.

Speaker 3:
[04:54] I love it. I love the crimes that she had pinned against them. What they needed to do to pay for their crimes.

Speaker 2:
[05:00] Here's the thing. I'm adding my own into the hat because production, giving us an episode without Micah.

Speaker 3:
[05:08] Or Mariah. Hardly any Lydia. No Zach.

Speaker 2:
[05:12] We've gotten used to no Mariah.

Speaker 3:
[05:13] No Taylor.

Speaker 2:
[05:15] Where's Taylor?

Speaker 3:
[05:15] Where's Taylor?

Speaker 2:
[05:17] Taylor is out.

Speaker 3:
[05:17] He was so upset.

Speaker 2:
[05:18] Taylor is at a rally right now.

Speaker 3:
[05:20] He didn't make this episode.

Speaker 2:
[05:21] Taylor is at a non-gay rally. Taylor is at the Capitol. Yeah. Oh my God.

Speaker 3:
[05:30] Him and Ken are going together.

Speaker 2:
[05:31] But it's like at least give us a flash of Micah to kind of like as a palate cleanser. You know, give us something good to look at.

Speaker 3:
[05:37] Give us him with his shirt off real quick.

Speaker 2:
[05:39] Right. That's you know, that's all we need.

Speaker 3:
[05:41] Way too much, Ethan, for my liking.

Speaker 2:
[05:43] Oh, my God.

Speaker 3:
[05:45] He's a fucking creep and a serial killer. I'm not even kidding.

Speaker 2:
[05:48] He is. You know, I mean, Kim didn't say don't drive past her house at 2 a.m. for no reason.

Speaker 3:
[05:55] She knew what he was going to do.

Speaker 2:
[05:56] She was like, Ethan, don't do it.

Speaker 3:
[05:59] I'm not bailing you out.

Speaker 2:
[06:00] And also, like, I'm sorry, but like as someone who's done a little bit of light stalking before in their life, you don't drive that car.

Speaker 3:
[06:07] He's doing it on purpose. He wants to just like roll around town and be like, wait, like, freak her out. Like, is that gas lighter?

Speaker 2:
[06:13] Like, what's his name? Jovan before the 90 days fucking creepy shit.

Speaker 3:
[06:18] OK, wow.

Speaker 2:
[06:19] Let's get into this season eight episode for that dog won't hunt. What the fuck is that about?

Speaker 3:
[06:27] I don't know. That dog won't hunt.

Speaker 2:
[06:28] I was happy to see that we started this episode off with KKKKen in the kitchen like he belonged doing a woman's job.

Speaker 3:
[06:37] Kim found someone else to cook for.

Speaker 2:
[06:39] Thank God. I mean, Kim wears the Kim is the one wearing the six pants in this family. You know, she always is that booty. Don't that. I mean, Nicky wish, you know, Cardi wish they wish they could have Kim's need a BBL. No, she's a listen. I want that split. I want to press. I was like, and then the I remember when she opened the dance studio, we were all pretty impressed by her abilities.

Speaker 3:
[07:11] Well, yeah, I think we saw her leap, right?

Speaker 2:
[07:14] Yes. But no, we saw her stretch.

Speaker 3:
[07:16] Okay.

Speaker 2:
[07:16] The stretching is what shocked us on record.

Speaker 3:
[07:18] I don't think she's a great dancer. No, but I think she's got more skill that we give her credit for.

Speaker 2:
[07:23] I when I go to the doctor, I'm asking for a PBL, a Plath booty lift. That's what I'm looking for.

Speaker 3:
[07:31] Okay. The Kim Plath booty lift.

Speaker 2:
[07:32] Yeah, it's that thing. Don't quit.

Speaker 3:
[07:36] She got a shelf.

Speaker 2:
[07:37] Ken, he don't like to see her go, but he loves to watch her leave.

Speaker 3:
[07:41] He you know, we don't know what Ken sang at any point in time.

Speaker 2:
[07:44] To take notes on this show.

Speaker 3:
[07:46] We know where he's looking.

Speaker 2:
[07:47] When Ken is talking is the fucking hardest thing ever. So Barry, he stops by the farm because he wants to drop off some oats for the horses. Now, pay attention, because I I swear to you, Barry said this is on the slide, he said, I'm dropping off oats for the horses and cows. I'm telling you, there's not a cow on Plath Farm. I'm telling you right now, the way he said it. And then he was saying like, oh, when he was talking to Ken about it, he was saying like, oh, yeah, like, you know, this is for her. Like one singular horse.

Speaker 3:
[08:29] Kim likes to eat the grain. Yeah.

Speaker 2:
[08:31] Yeah. Who was Veronica hanging out with at the wedding?

Speaker 3:
[08:35] A horse.

Speaker 2:
[08:35] Horses, right? Not cows.

Speaker 3:
[08:37] You're right. I haven't seen a cow.

Speaker 2:
[08:38] No. He said that on the sly.

Speaker 3:
[08:41] Oh, bear.

Speaker 2:
[08:42] And also like, fuck you, Ken, for taking over Barry's farm, right? To come out and greet him like, oh, I don't want you coming inside the house. I'm going to come out and greet you out here.

Speaker 3:
[08:52] Can you imagine just be like, hey, I just moved in and took your spot.

Speaker 2:
[08:55] Yeah.

Speaker 3:
[08:56] Don't you feel like it's like you have to mutually? I feel like I know not everyone can do this. So like this is just in my own perfect world. OK, but like it would be so weird to move into somebody's family home, especially ones who've been on TV, who have nine children who like lived there and were like secluded from the world.

Speaker 2:
[09:14] Like, it's just like imagine, imagine that you or Barry has to build a house on the farm.

Speaker 3:
[09:20] Let's bring it. I know.

Speaker 2:
[09:21] Let's build every plathouse.

Speaker 3:
[09:22] I'm telling you right now, Barry finds every excuse to stop by the farm for something. He's there every day stopping by. Sorry, I had to just check on, you know, moonshine, the horse. Oh, I had to just. Oh, I saw these these things for the chickens that I thought they'd like.

Speaker 2:
[09:36] Yeah.

Speaker 3:
[09:37] Oh, I came by because I'm looking for Ethan and I brought him a tool. Like it's.

Speaker 2:
[09:40] But here's the thing. He's doing recognizance.

Speaker 3:
[09:45] Recon.

Speaker 2:
[09:45] He's doing recon. Thank you. He's doing recon because he's like, this divorce may be over, but I'm not done. And I will get back every piece of me that is owed because when we bought that juicer for 2699 back in 1994, I like we did lay away at Sears.

Speaker 3:
[10:06] I have so many thoughts on the juicer, but I'll wait. I'll wait until he gets like.

Speaker 2:
[10:10] This is the mother of all juicers.

Speaker 3:
[10:13] You won't miss it. This thing is huge. It's like a small little white box. I'm like, we didn't even have a fancy juicer when we had one and it was three times that size. The juicers are huge. What are you talking about?

Speaker 2:
[10:23] The mother of all juicers.

Speaker 3:
[10:25] And it fits in that little box. Yes, I would miss it. It's in a little white box with a bunch of other shit.

Speaker 2:
[10:31] The fact and also it's labeled. This juicer has been a point of contention in their relationship.

Speaker 3:
[10:39] The mother of all juicers, but like we have, it's been sitting on a shelf for 20 years. Is it still working?

Speaker 2:
[10:44] Probably not.

Speaker 3:
[10:44] Like, let's just buy a new one, Barry.

Speaker 2:
[10:46] Barry's not.

Speaker 3:
[10:47] Get to Amazon.

Speaker 2:
[10:48] Barry's doing kombucha or kombachi or kombusi. He's not interested in juicing, but he just wants what is his back.

Speaker 3:
[10:55] And that's when he was walking around that barn. He's like, I think that's mine.

Speaker 2:
[10:58] Oh, yeah.

Speaker 3:
[10:59] Oh, every time he comes, he loads up the back of his truck. He's like, these are all mine.

Speaker 2:
[11:03] Oh, whose mumu is that? That looks familiar.

Speaker 3:
[11:06] I'm familiar with those kitten heels. I think those are Ambers, but I think she wants them at my house.

Speaker 2:
[11:10] Yeah. Oh, Ken, are those your size 16 kitten holes? You know, mootsy tootsies. So Barry and Ken together are so fucking awkward.

Speaker 3:
[11:21] It's so bizarre. Barry's like, so making my skin crawl.

Speaker 2:
[11:25] I will take the feed over all here.

Speaker 3:
[11:27] And he's like, where would you like me to set it down? I was like, Barry, you know better than him. You're way around this place.

Speaker 2:
[11:34] Right. You pick where it can don't do shit.

Speaker 3:
[11:36] I'm like, can you go feed the horses?

Speaker 2:
[11:37] Now, KKK Ken decides he's like, you know, Barry, I'm going to get that important thing. I thought to myself, thank you, Ken. He asked me, he's getting any pussy.

Speaker 3:
[11:51] OK.

Speaker 2:
[11:51] Yeah. Thank you, KKK Ken, for asking this question. But in a real world situation, this is so fucking weird.

Speaker 3:
[11:58] Yes.

Speaker 2:
[11:59] And I like Barry being like, how's it going with Kim? You want me to give you a few pointers? She likes it when I stick my entire body inside of her vagina because I'm built like a penis. And she likes when I talk like blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

Speaker 3:
[12:13] She's still like that tickly thing, you know, she like these. She's still showing you a dance performance every night before you get in bed.

Speaker 2:
[12:20] She showed you the split.

Speaker 3:
[12:21] Yeah, a naked split. She's still doing the naked split.

Speaker 2:
[12:24] She's doing a Sunday split, you know, the holy split.

Speaker 3:
[12:28] On Sundays, we break out that split.

Speaker 2:
[12:31] Do you think Lydia pauses on Sundays?

Speaker 3:
[12:33] Pauses? Pauses. Oh, pauses her sexual acts, yes.

Speaker 2:
[12:37] Because we know she's got America's Got Talent.

Speaker 3:
[12:39] We take a Sabbath on Sunday for the sex. Yes, we don't do...

Speaker 2:
[12:42] Or do we do a sex Sabbath where it's all sex all day on Sunday?

Speaker 3:
[12:46] No, no, no, I believe Sunday we're resting.

Speaker 2:
[12:48] Okay.

Speaker 3:
[12:48] Zach needs some time to rest after Lula has been at him.

Speaker 2:
[12:51] True, that is true. Yeah, that's good.

Speaker 3:
[12:53] He's like, please, please, it's America's Got Talent night.

Speaker 2:
[12:55] So Barry's like, you know, Ken, I've been on this health journey for a while now, and I have just been thinking so much about wanting to do juicing. And you know what? I'm thinking about it now. Kim had a juicer at one point. She really got into the juicing when she was on that health kick one time.

Speaker 3:
[13:17] A long, long time ago.

Speaker 2:
[13:18] Do you think that you guys might by chance have it? Barry knew where the fuck the juicer was.

Speaker 3:
[13:23] He knew exactly where it was. We know Kim didn't move it.

Speaker 2:
[13:25] No, he knew where that juicer was. He was like, I'm going to...

Speaker 3:
[13:28] He's been in that house when they're not home.

Speaker 2:
[13:30] Oh.

Speaker 3:
[13:30] He waits for them to leave and then he roams that house. He plays the jukebox. He dances in his moo moo and his kitten heels to that jukebox. They're like, there's fresh vacuums.

Speaker 2:
[13:42] Wow. He does.

Speaker 3:
[13:45] He does.

Speaker 2:
[13:46] And that's where Ethan gets it from.

Speaker 3:
[13:47] That's why he was like, I know Neil Diamond is A1. Like, sweet Caroline, I'm coming for you.

Speaker 2:
[13:51] Is that Neil Diamond?

Speaker 3:
[13:52] Yes.

Speaker 2:
[13:53] Okay. I didn't know if you had that right or not.

Speaker 3:
[13:56] Yeah. They find his clip on earrings.

Speaker 2:
[13:59] Let's twist again.

Speaker 3:
[14:00] They find his clip on earrings.

Speaker 2:
[14:01] Like we did last summer.

Speaker 3:
[14:03] Yes. He leaves them in weird spots. He's like doing weird shit.

Speaker 2:
[14:06] Yeah.

Speaker 3:
[14:07] He moves Kim's snacks.

Speaker 2:
[14:08] Here's my question.

Speaker 3:
[14:09] He knows where her secret sugar drawer is.

Speaker 2:
[14:12] He replaces all of her candies with sugar-free version.

Speaker 3:
[14:16] Like the Adkins regular ones.

Speaker 2:
[14:19] Do you think that when Barry is in his regalia, his muumuu and kitten heels, what is his panty situation?

Speaker 3:
[14:28] No panties.

Speaker 2:
[14:29] No panties. He's just free balling. Okay.

Speaker 3:
[14:32] He likes the way it feels.

Speaker 2:
[14:33] I didn't know if he wore a big beige panty.

Speaker 3:
[14:37] No. He likes the free feeling. Okay.

Speaker 2:
[14:39] Gotcha.

Speaker 3:
[14:40] Yeah. I think he likes to feel the fabric on his balls.

Speaker 2:
[14:43] Yeah.

Speaker 3:
[14:44] Yeah.

Speaker 2:
[14:44] Okay. Good. I'm glad we could put that to rest.

Speaker 3:
[14:47] Also, did you catch Ken being like, yeah, I don't know, put it anywhere. The girls do all the farm chores.

Speaker 2:
[14:51] Yeah.

Speaker 3:
[14:51] I'm like, of course you're not doing shit. And we know Kim would never do shit.

Speaker 2:
[14:54] No, God. Kim and Ken's relationship. I want to study. I want to be Dr. Orna from Couples Therapy because I'm telling you right now, it's fucking weird.

Speaker 3:
[15:09] It's really fucking weird. But I just know that once those kids, they send the kids to their rooms to watch TV or whatever. And then they sit on that couch and eat microwave nachos.

Speaker 2:
[15:18] Yeah.

Speaker 3:
[15:19] Every night.

Speaker 2:
[15:19] Yeah.

Speaker 3:
[15:20] But with a big soda.

Speaker 2:
[15:21] But in this episode, when Kim has to release him back to the living room, you could go back to the living room now.

Speaker 3:
[15:28] Do you think she did dominate tricks?

Speaker 2:
[15:30] I think.

Speaker 3:
[15:30] Do you think she puts him in a dog kennel?

Speaker 2:
[15:32] Yes.

Speaker 3:
[15:33] Do you think she pees on him?

Speaker 2:
[15:34] Yes.

Speaker 3:
[15:34] OK.

Speaker 2:
[15:35] What else?

Speaker 3:
[15:35] She lifts her leg like fire hydrant.

Speaker 2:
[15:37] She's like, getting your fire hydrant pose right now. Yeah, absolutely.

Speaker 3:
[15:44] You're right. There's so many weird things.

Speaker 2:
[15:46] Yeah. Here's here's what fire hydrant is. She makes him go stand in the. There's getting like a dog position in the shower. And then she just puts she's flexible. She puts one leg up on the shower and she just pees on him. Absolutely.

Speaker 3:
[16:01] She does and loves a golden shower.

Speaker 2:
[16:03] Oh, my God. It is.

Speaker 3:
[16:05] Don't want to yuck your yum, Ken.

Speaker 2:
[16:07] Oh, I do. I do. So after we get our hands on the juicer, Barry has made contact. He's like, yeah, what's our how about we check out your box?

Speaker 3:
[16:19] He came when Kim was gone.

Speaker 2:
[16:21] Oh, because he's watching.

Speaker 3:
[16:22] She will not let me take that juicer, but I'm going to get in there and get it. And where they're like siblings fighting over their favorite toy.

Speaker 2:
[16:29] Where is Kim, the harbor? You think she's got appointments on at the harbor? Yeah, she's servicing.

Speaker 3:
[16:38] She's got a boyfriend over there.

Speaker 2:
[16:39] Boyfriend's boyfriend. No, no, no. She doesn't let anyone go.

Speaker 3:
[16:43] Nobody owns her.

Speaker 2:
[16:44] Right.

Speaker 3:
[16:45] But she does go back there and she she collects money. You know, she's working.

Speaker 2:
[16:50] Yeah.

Speaker 3:
[16:51] Yeah.

Speaker 2:
[16:51] She's got a JOB.

Speaker 3:
[16:52] She knows she's a hard worker over there. Yeah.

Speaker 2:
[16:54] You know, Harbour Ho.

Speaker 3:
[16:56] No days off.

Speaker 2:
[16:57] Never, never a day off for her.

Speaker 3:
[16:59] And then Barry, he's in their house and he's like, well, I love what they've done with the place. Looks a lot different.

Speaker 2:
[17:05] Real cozy, real cozy.

Speaker 3:
[17:08] Lots of stuff. They're like really cozy, like hoarder cozy. You know, he's like, this place is a fucking mess.

Speaker 2:
[17:14] Oh, he was disgusted.

Speaker 3:
[17:15] And the way he was like, can I play a song on the jukebox? I'm like, you walked quickly past that. You've been in here.

Speaker 2:
[17:20] You know, the jukebox is here to see a giant like 75 inch TV in the Plath living room took me back.

Speaker 3:
[17:30] We didn't even have a TV before.

Speaker 2:
[17:31] If they did, they had one with like turn dial switches. Yeah. You know, they did not. They did not have this. I can tell you that. Ken has come in here and he has marked his territory.

Speaker 3:
[17:43] The way that the younger girls like need a massage for the whiplash they've had in their childhood.

Speaker 2:
[17:48] Yes.

Speaker 3:
[17:48] The rules have changed so much.

Speaker 2:
[17:50] Yeah.

Speaker 3:
[17:51] Their childhood went from zero to 100 real quick. You know?

Speaker 2:
[17:54] Yeah.

Speaker 3:
[17:55] They were like, we have access to any channels we want. Ken even has Skinimax.

Speaker 2:
[17:59] Oh, it's not Ken who has it. It's Kim.

Speaker 3:
[18:05] All we had before was PBS and that was only on Sundays.

Speaker 2:
[18:08] Right. And I think that if I had to guess who's going the most rowdy with all that stuff, Cassia.

Speaker 3:
[18:15] You got to keep your eyes on her.

Speaker 2:
[18:16] Right. You got to keep your eyes on her because she is.

Speaker 3:
[18:20] Going straight down.

Speaker 2:
[18:22] I know it's all right. You know what? If I haven't pissed people off enough yet, I got to say, Ken, KKK Ken having a GSD, German Shakespeare Dog. It tracks.

Speaker 3:
[18:36] Let's just say it tracks.

Speaker 2:
[18:37] It tracks. And I'm scared.

Speaker 3:
[18:38] I'm scared. I don't want to mess with that. You know, he knows what he's doing.

Speaker 2:
[18:42] Do you think that this GSD goes to Ken's meetings?

Speaker 3:
[18:47] What kind of meetings?

Speaker 2:
[18:48] Oh, yeah, probably.

Speaker 3:
[18:49] And he's also training it to attack Barry.

Speaker 2:
[18:51] You know, I'm in shock because this GSD was mostly black fur. And I don't, I imagine Ken not to appreciate that.

Speaker 3:
[18:59] You thought he'd get a lighter furred?

Speaker 2:
[19:01] Yes.

Speaker 3:
[19:04] Is it Ken's dog or is it Kim? Does Kim have this dog?

Speaker 2:
[19:07] That's not Black Crack.

Speaker 3:
[19:08] Okay. No, no, I know. But I thought Kim maybe had a dog. No.

Speaker 2:
[19:12] Where did she have the dog in her apartment?

Speaker 3:
[19:13] Just roaming on the farm.

Speaker 2:
[19:15] Okay. Oh, she just left it out there.

Speaker 3:
[19:16] Yeah.

Speaker 2:
[19:17] Okay. Now he's like, oh, my family's back.

Speaker 3:
[19:18] I don't think she takes great care of animals.

Speaker 2:
[19:20] No, no.

Speaker 3:
[19:22] She left the farm.

Speaker 2:
[19:22] She doesn't take good care of anything, you know?

Speaker 3:
[19:25] No, not even her kids.

Speaker 2:
[19:26] Just that juicer. That juicer she will go to war for. Kids, absolutely not. I like Barry calling Ken stoic. And I'm like, that's a nice way of putting that he's not all there. Because I think that's what we're trying to say about KKKKen.

Speaker 3:
[19:42] He's a Ken stoic, meaning, I don't know, he doesn't say a word. And when he does, I can't understand it.

Speaker 2:
[19:46] Right. And I don't know if I always wonder, does Ken know what Ken's saying?

Speaker 3:
[19:51] Right. And I don't want to be in this position to say, like, I'd rather marry Barry.

Speaker 2:
[19:57] Right.

Speaker 3:
[19:58] But I'm not marrying Ken.

Speaker 2:
[19:59] No, no.

Speaker 3:
[20:00] Like, at least Barry's got some personality. I don't know if I like it.

Speaker 2:
[20:04] Here's the thing about Barry. Here's the thing, though. We saw that Ken is obedient. You're right.

Speaker 3:
[20:09] You're right.

Speaker 2:
[20:10] Kim didn't only train that GSD, she trained Ken. So Ken, sit. Ken, sit right now. Sit. Ken, get me my, get my, my candy.

Speaker 3:
[20:20] Ken's really good at his commands.

Speaker 2:
[20:22] Yeah.

Speaker 3:
[20:22] On your place. Ken, on your place. And his place is like a puppy pad in their bedroom where he watches her have sex with other people.

Speaker 2:
[20:36] Absolutely.

Speaker 3:
[20:36] Get on your place.

Speaker 2:
[20:39] And people come in and they're like, oh, is, is he supposed to be here? And she's like, yes, don't pet him though. Don't bite.

Speaker 3:
[20:49] Don't pet that dog. He's a dog.

Speaker 2:
[20:51] Yeah. He's an old guy. We should take him out back and shoot him. Yeah. Filthy dog. Filthy animal. He's got, he's always dragging his ass on the carpet.

Speaker 3:
[20:59] I just know that GSD is a girl and it's named like Sasha.

Speaker 2:
[21:04] What?

Speaker 3:
[21:04] Yes. It's weird.

Speaker 2:
[21:06] What? Sasha? Where does Sasha come from?

Speaker 3:
[21:08] You know, like when people do like way too human names for their dogs.

Speaker 2:
[21:10] No. First of all, that dog's name is Coda as is as is every, you know, German Shepherd and Husky.

Speaker 3:
[21:18] Its name is Max or Max.

Speaker 2:
[21:20] Yes. Max Coda.

Speaker 3:
[21:22] Are you sure? I'm thinking it's a girl.

Speaker 2:
[21:26] Let me tell you some names. I know it's not OK. I know its name is not Martin Luther King Jr. That that I know. OK.

Speaker 3:
[21:37] Mad Max. OK, it's Mad Max. Yeah, you're right. It's a boy. He would never get a girl dog.

Speaker 2:
[21:42] No. Why?

Speaker 3:
[21:43] I'm so wrong. I read that so.

Speaker 2:
[21:45] Yeah, it's OK.

Speaker 3:
[21:45] Take it back.

Speaker 2:
[21:46] If anyone hears getting the girl animal, it's Ethan. And not for any good reason. Not any good reason here.

Speaker 3:
[21:54] So I think Ethan should be in a facility.

Speaker 2:
[21:56] Me too. I don't know.

Speaker 3:
[21:58] I'm worried for the world.

Speaker 2:
[21:59] I still like I want to find old Ethan. Where did he go?

Speaker 3:
[22:03] Make his way back to old Ethan with a lot of therapy.

Speaker 2:
[22:05] Can we, though, make it back?

Speaker 3:
[22:07] No, we can't forget.

Speaker 2:
[22:09] That's the thing. Even if I see him over there, quack and lock down the toy car. Yeah. Well, look at that. This woman's got her boobies out. I don't think I can come back.

Speaker 3:
[22:22] I hope for his sake he can find his way back to who he once was. But I think he'll forever just get angrier and angrier and angrier. Yeah.

Speaker 2:
[22:30] Guys, we've got a new side character. And the theories that are going through my mind right now about Russell, Russell, Russell's military vehicles. I'm like, Russell, does your wife like that little extra nub when you finger her?

Speaker 3:
[22:47] Too far.

Speaker 2:
[22:50] He just got that one nub.

Speaker 3:
[22:51] I was just like, did he put that right in the military vehicles propeller? Yeah.

Speaker 2:
[22:56] Here's the thing. Russell has never been near a military base, but he does like the cosplay.

Speaker 3:
[23:04] You're right. You know, he's always wanted to be, but he's never made it. No, he can't make it through boot camp. He's been to boot camp.

Speaker 2:
[23:10] Well, they're like, you got to have all ten fingers. He's like, I got nine and a half.

Speaker 3:
[23:12] He's been to boot camp like ten times and he's never passed.

Speaker 2:
[23:15] Yeah.

Speaker 3:
[23:16] You know?

Speaker 2:
[23:16] Yeah.

Speaker 3:
[23:16] So he's like, forget it. I'll just fix the vehicle.

Speaker 2:
[23:18] He can't hack it.

Speaker 3:
[23:19] Yeah.

Speaker 2:
[23:19] No. So Ethan is the son Russell always wished he had. And he has a son.

Speaker 3:
[23:25] Yeah.

Speaker 2:
[23:25] But that son is a disappointment.

Speaker 3:
[23:27] Yes. That son. No, he doesn't.

Speaker 2:
[23:28] That son's a little twinkle toes.

Speaker 3:
[23:30] Yep. That son's more into the arts and he's like, you'll be in the military vehicle.

Speaker 2:
[23:34] But here's the thing. Let me tell you something. Russell's main motivation for the military is to be around other guys. Was the showers.

Speaker 3:
[23:41] Yeah.

Speaker 2:
[23:43] I think that when you get a couple of hoping for a golden shower, a couple of blue moons in Russell, everything starts tasting a little fruitier. You know what I'm saying?

Speaker 3:
[23:53] I just feel like Russell and Taylor should get together.

Speaker 2:
[23:56] Russell was up and down in Ethan, like watching him work. Like, that's good boy.

Speaker 3:
[24:00] He had a little crush on Ethan.

Speaker 2:
[24:02] Put that thing right there. Oh, yeah, that's my boy.

Speaker 3:
[24:05] Why did we not look Russell up?

Speaker 2:
[24:08] Good question. Good question.

Speaker 3:
[24:10] Sitting here now realizing what the fuck is wrong with me.

Speaker 2:
[24:13] You know what? There's never a bad time to whip out your phone and Google. OK, Russ, you know what? I'll do it on Facebook.

Speaker 3:
[24:20] Russell's military.

Speaker 2:
[24:21] Oh, yeah, that's how I should do it. Russell's military vehicle.

Speaker 3:
[24:24] You'll find it right there.

Speaker 2:
[24:25] Russell's military vehicle.

Speaker 3:
[24:28] I did get a kick out of Russell, though, when he told Ethan, like, if you take over the point, seven reviews, it's in Grady County. OK.

Speaker 2:
[24:35] All right. Let's I want to see these reviews because you know there's one on there that's like, you know, my husband went and just do the bad review. It felt a little bit weird. Yeah.

Speaker 3:
[24:45] No, didn't you get a kick out of when he said, if you work here and you take over, I will print the shirts in black for you.

Speaker 2:
[24:51] But the way that he wanted to put his name on Ethan.

Speaker 3:
[24:55] Yeah, on his heart. But Ethan's got someone else already written on his heart.

Speaker 2:
[24:58] Ethan is the definition of Debbie Downer from SNL.

Speaker 3:
[25:01] I know. I was like, when did this boy turn into such a romantic? He's just like doing these grand gestures for a girl that doesn't want him.

Speaker 2:
[25:09] But also it's like, I feel like they could have been like, oh my God, it smells out here. It's like how I used to love when Teegan farted in my face.

Speaker 3:
[25:18] Teegan didn't smell like this.

Speaker 2:
[25:20] No, I miss my Teegan.

Speaker 3:
[25:21] Teegan did sugar plum fairy from Bath and Body Works.

Speaker 2:
[25:24] Oh.

Speaker 3:
[25:24] Sweet sugar cookie.

Speaker 2:
[25:27] Okay, good news is it is open right now if we want to call.

Speaker 3:
[25:31] No.

Speaker 2:
[25:32] Okay, Dominic wrote a one star review.

Speaker 3:
[25:35] Okay, what did Dominic say?

Speaker 2:
[25:36] If you're going to paint a car to look like a police military car and have brush guards on it and look like a police car, at least drive a little faster than the speed limit. Nothing like creating a traffic jam on the interstate going 65 because people are afraid to pass you thinking you're a culp. Oh. Dominic.

Speaker 3:
[25:55] Dominic didn't visit, just didn't like him on the road. Okay.

Speaker 2:
[25:58] Oh, Edward Lepennan, only four stars. Here's what makes you go from a five to a four star.

Speaker 3:
[26:04] I don't know.

Speaker 2:
[26:04] I'm either a five star or a one star.

Speaker 3:
[26:06] And I always feel like when you read the four star reviews, they're like, everything was great. It just wasn't exceptional.

Speaker 2:
[26:11] Edward says, it was not what I was expecting. The owner answered all my questions. He is very knowledgeable about military vehicles. Edward, where was not what you expected? Were you guys having blue moons? Was that what you were not expecting?

Speaker 3:
[26:27] Something unexpected happened.

Speaker 2:
[26:28] Yeah, it is right.

Speaker 3:
[26:30] And that was the end of the review.

Speaker 2:
[26:31] Yep. That was it. All right, another four star, very knowledgeable on all road vehicles, specialized in older military jeeps, but deals in mostly military vehicles and parts.

Speaker 3:
[26:41] Well, yeah, it's his name of his company. Am I sticking up for Russell right now?

Speaker 2:
[26:45] I think so. OK. You know what? Russell needs to get on that that site that helps you get rid of bad reviews.

Speaker 3:
[26:51] Yeah, he does.

Speaker 2:
[26:52] Yeah.

Speaker 3:
[26:53] Who didn't someone on one of the shows we watched sell reviews or something?

Speaker 2:
[26:57] Oh, is that a thing?

Speaker 3:
[26:58] What did I make that up? I thought someone owned a business that like would flood your reviews.

Speaker 2:
[27:03] Hold on a second. Hold on a second right now, because I'm seeing this emblem. Yeah, that's what Isaac had on his hat.

Speaker 3:
[27:10] Oh, really?

Speaker 2:
[27:11] Yeah. Russell's military vehicles. It was that same emblem.

Speaker 3:
[27:15] Oh, really?

Speaker 2:
[27:15] Yes.

Speaker 3:
[27:15] He's another friend of the family. Watch out. Kim's going to fuck him.

Speaker 2:
[27:18] Oh, Kim's already fucking him. That's already happening.

Speaker 3:
[27:22] Maybe he'll come.

Speaker 2:
[27:23] Sometimes she comes home and there's like he'll be up on Mary's matchmaking. She's got like black grease stains on her vagina. And Kim's like, what's that? She's like, don't you worry about it. Place, Kim, in your place.

Speaker 3:
[27:35] On your place.

Speaker 2:
[27:37] Oh, my God. Now, nothing on his website does work. OK, that's unfortunate.

Speaker 3:
[27:45] Now, did you find his Facebook?

Speaker 2:
[27:46] There is a link to his Instagram, but you click it and it don't go nowhere.

Speaker 3:
[27:51] Does it say what the link is?

Speaker 2:
[27:52] No, it just says Instagram and it doesn't go anywhere. Russell's military. What is it called? Vehicles?

Speaker 3:
[27:59] Military vehicles? Yeah, yeah. Military.

Speaker 2:
[28:02] Oh, the problem is that pro. I wrote Mimitary.

Speaker 3:
[28:05] You again?

Speaker 1:
[28:08] Oh, my God.

Speaker 3:
[28:10] So anyway, I wanted to find his personal face. OK, well, I think we could find that.

Speaker 2:
[28:15] Maybe if I can find his name, you know, Russell Russell Russell, Cairo, Georgia.

Speaker 3:
[28:20] Come on.

Speaker 2:
[28:21] Oh, it did say that it is in Cairo. So I'll do Russell. Is Russell have two L's? Sure. And then I'm going to go to people and then I'm going to filter and I'm going to put in city. I'm going to put in Cairo.

Speaker 3:
[28:35] OK.

Speaker 2:
[28:36] There's only one Russell there. Cairo, Georgia.

Speaker 3:
[28:40] All right.

Speaker 2:
[28:40] We got Russell Pollock. Oh, here we go. Russell Dease, because he's got Russell's military vehicles as his profile picture.

Speaker 3:
[28:48] OK.

Speaker 2:
[28:49] Yeah. Married to Lori Ray Dease.

Speaker 3:
[28:52] OK.

Speaker 2:
[28:52] Now let me check out Lori Ray for a minute.

Speaker 3:
[28:54] See how they spell Dease.

Speaker 2:
[28:56] She got strong shoulders.

Speaker 3:
[28:57] D E I S or what?

Speaker 2:
[28:59] D E E S E. Yeah. OK. So nine years later, he's got pictures of people on a military vehicle. But nine years later, I don't think you were in the war then.

Speaker 3:
[29:12] So nine years later.

Speaker 2:
[29:14] OK. Sweet girls going off to college.

Speaker 3:
[29:16] He's just probably polished up the vehicle.

Speaker 2:
[29:18] I will say he got a very gorgeous daughter.

Speaker 3:
[29:19] Yeah, his daughter's real cute.

Speaker 2:
[29:21] Right. You know, right. I was looking I was hoping to find more posts like what Taylor had.

Speaker 3:
[29:25] Yeah, that's what I was expecting from him. But no, no, seems all right.

Speaker 2:
[29:29] All right.

Speaker 3:
[29:30] All right.

Speaker 2:
[29:30] Well, we didn't scroll that far.

Speaker 3:
[29:32] No, we didn't. So there could be more. Here's him again 12 years later. But I think he's just fixing up.

Speaker 2:
[29:38] I think if anything, he was a mechanic in the military.

Speaker 3:
[29:41] Yeah, I think so. But I think right. He talks about he's always with a car, even when it's lit.

Speaker 2:
[29:46] Years later, he's got he tells people he's got a purple heart and do not you don't want to know the true story behind the finger. He says it was blown off, but that ain't the truth.

Speaker 3:
[29:58] Oh, boy.

Speaker 2:
[29:59] Couple of blue moons, you know, things start tasting a little further.

Speaker 3:
[30:02] You don't want to party with Russell.

Speaker 2:
[30:04] No. So he's like, yeah, it's a girl named Teagan. And Russell's like, wow, what a name. Wait till you see her tits.

Speaker 3:
[30:14] When he's like, you got a picture of her? I was like, OK, Russell. And then he pulls it out and he's like, that's a real enticing photo of her. I'm like, what does that mean?

Speaker 2:
[30:23] But also he goes, oh, yeah, get out of that big, thick, girthy wall. Russell, Russell, like, calm it down. We're watching. You know, this is being filmed, right?

Speaker 3:
[30:35] It's on TV. You know, your wife's going to see this.

Speaker 2:
[30:37] Yeah. Oh, I like that big old thing.

Speaker 3:
[30:40] What an enticing photo. She's got those big natural boobs. And I know I wrote a song about it.

Speaker 2:
[30:51] I just was enticing, enticing. Well, here's the thing. Russell's definitely that one like, well, she asked for it. Look how she was dressed.

Speaker 3:
[31:01] She had her boobs out. You know what else to expect?

Speaker 2:
[31:04] Right.

Speaker 3:
[31:04] Yeah, I was like enticing. That's not ever how I would look at a photo.

Speaker 2:
[31:07] Ethan, you keep wearing those tight jeans to work. I think you're asking for it.

Speaker 3:
[31:11] You're also enticing.

Speaker 2:
[31:14] He's like, I never see you smile like that.

Speaker 3:
[31:16] She's got those bedroom eyes. I'm OK.

Speaker 2:
[31:18] And I've never seen Ethan smile like I didn't even know you had.

Speaker 3:
[31:21] He's like, you were looking at her boobs, weren't you? And I was enticing photo.

Speaker 2:
[31:25] You were looking at her boobs and I was looking at you. Right.

Speaker 3:
[31:28] You have a daughter.

Speaker 2:
[31:29] He's like, oh, you got any nudes? You got any nudes of her?

Speaker 3:
[31:32] You got her OnlyFans link. I heard I watched the show last season.

Speaker 2:
[31:35] She's got an OnlyFans.

Speaker 3:
[31:37] I reached out to Veronica to get the link just because I wanted to reach out to her on your behalf. Yeah, that Veronica, she's got to tell her how much you're missing her.

Speaker 2:
[31:46] She's got strong shoulders.

Speaker 3:
[31:50] So no attention to her.

Speaker 2:
[31:52] No. Ethan says that Teegan gave him the freedom to go live down in Cairo, but he kept saying he's going to move to Wisconsin. Never did.

Speaker 3:
[32:01] And she was like, well, if you're not going to try hard to be with me, then I don't want to be with you. And I'm thinking, Teegan, keep running. You have a daughter. You don't want her around.

Speaker 2:
[32:08] Run fast for your money. Fast for something. I don't know the rest of it.

Speaker 3:
[32:13] Something. Run fast for your father?

Speaker 2:
[32:14] Sure.

Speaker 3:
[32:15] Run for your children and your sisters and mothers.

Speaker 2:
[32:17] Is that what it says?

Speaker 3:
[32:17] I think so.

Speaker 2:
[32:18] Wow. OK. Look at you go. But Ethan's like, but here's the thing, Russell, I can't take over your business because I ain't staying in Cairo. I'm moving to Wisconsin.

Speaker 3:
[32:28] And he's like, have you told her? He's like, no, not going to.

Speaker 2:
[32:31] You told your family?

Speaker 3:
[32:32] Like a fucking creep?

Speaker 2:
[32:33] No, you tell your mom, your daddy, your brothers, your sisters and your mothers. I got all my sisters with me. You know, did you tell him? Did you tell your mom, your daddy, his brothers, your sisters, your cousins, your dog? He's like, we only got one GSD and it's not our family dog.

Speaker 3:
[32:47] It's Ken.

Speaker 2:
[32:48] And I hate to say this, but it is black.

Speaker 3:
[32:58] My mom's boyfriend, her little buddy.

Speaker 2:
[33:00] Yeah, mom's little butt buddy.

Speaker 3:
[33:02] Mom doesn't like dogs. She totally can't.

Speaker 2:
[33:04] He always smells like piss.

Speaker 3:
[33:05] I'll tell you that Ken does smell like piss.

Speaker 2:
[33:10] Yeah. Well, one, because he's got a weak sphincter or weak whatever. So he always dribbles.

Speaker 3:
[33:15] Ken is leaking a lot. He always dribbles.

Speaker 2:
[33:19] But then because Kim's always pissing on him.

Speaker 3:
[33:21] Yeah. He smells like a public restroom. That piss gets in your pores. You're like, God, it smells like the public restroom.

Speaker 2:
[33:25] Yeah. Not a good one, either. I'm not talking like a quick trip. Or a come and go.

Speaker 3:
[33:29] Definitely a gas station.

Speaker 2:
[33:30] I'm talking or a maverick. Yeah, I'm talking of where the airport. A rest stop. That's what I'm talking about. Yeah. And now even doesn't know if Teegan is still single.

Speaker 3:
[33:44] I was like, Ethan, you should take this opportunity from Russell, OK? Yeah. He's handing you his business and he'll even get you black shirts, black shirts with his name all over his dream job.

Speaker 2:
[33:55] Right.

Speaker 3:
[33:55] You know, getting the whole shop. He's like, no, I got to try to make it work with my my Teegan.

Speaker 1:
[34:01] Yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 3:
[34:02] And he's like, have you talked to her recently? He's like, no, I don't even know if she's moved on. I'm like, he's going to show up and he's going to be that guy that like shoots his ex-girlfriend's new boyfriend.

Speaker 2:
[34:11] OK, listen, my apologies to Jen Wang, our listener. But what other song am I supposed to sing? But that ain't my truck in her drive. That ain't my raper car in her driveway. Man, this ain't my day tonight.

Speaker 3:
[34:26] Yeah, it is like the Grim Reaper car.

Speaker 2:
[34:28] Yeah. Yeah, that I'm sorry, but I don't know what it was that there's Bundy was driving bodies in the back of that. He's like sleeping in the back just like sleeping on a couch. Like, is that what you tell people to lure them back there?

Speaker 3:
[34:41] He's like, you want to sit in my car? The seats are killing random people.

Speaker 2:
[34:48] They can't they don't realize it's a serial killer because it's random.

Speaker 3:
[34:51] Yes.

Speaker 2:
[34:51] Gotcha.

Speaker 3:
[34:52] What was that guy that was killing like? Was that the Gila Goa Beach killer that was killing like the Dildo Beach that was killing like was it sex workers, sex workers, but a lot of them weren't even in contact with their family. So they didn't even know for a while that they were like missing.

Speaker 2:
[35:06] Well, and also police don't take it seriously because they're like homeless people.

Speaker 3:
[35:10] And he's like, no one will know, you know, like it takes a long time for it to get reported.

Speaker 2:
[35:14] You're right.

Speaker 3:
[35:15] And then he hides their bodies in the back of that car. So he doesn't. Yeah.

Speaker 2:
[35:19] This is a great time to remind everyone that this podcast is strictly satire. OK, and we are just allegedly, allegedly, we're just having a little bit of fun.

Speaker 3:
[35:26] We're just we love to run with the theory.

Speaker 2:
[35:28] Right.

Speaker 3:
[35:29] It's all fake. Ethan's a great guy.

Speaker 2:
[35:31] Stand up, gentlemen. Stand up, gentlemen.

Speaker 3:
[35:33] For sure.

Speaker 2:
[35:34] He is as good as Russell's pointer finger is long.

Speaker 3:
[35:39] He's shown us who he is, you know.

Speaker 2:
[35:41] Right. That's true. You know, Russell's like, man, I think that he's making a mistake. Kind of sounds like one of them rebound things like in what world does a rebound?

Speaker 3:
[35:51] The same girl. From what? No, it's not a rebound. A rebound would be a new girl.

Speaker 2:
[35:54] He's going to rebound off her titties like Kim's rebounded on a trampoline. OK, I don't think this is a rebound thing. I feel like he's like, you know, boys always think they're into these ladies, but then you get them in the military and they start realizing what camaraderie really is. All right.

Speaker 3:
[36:10] You want to be around men, you know, good male fun. You got Kim's next business, that dance studio. She's going to buy it back.

Speaker 2:
[36:17] Yeah.

Speaker 3:
[36:17] She's going to start a rebounding workout class.

Speaker 2:
[36:20] Hell, yes.

Speaker 3:
[36:21] And I would love to be there.

Speaker 2:
[36:22] Here's the thing that was, oh no, the dance studio was on the first floor, right? Her apartment was on the second floor.

Speaker 3:
[36:26] Do you think she still owns the apartment above?

Speaker 2:
[36:28] No idea.

Speaker 3:
[36:28] I know the studio went under.

Speaker 2:
[36:29] Yeah.

Speaker 3:
[36:30] I don't know if she still owns the Airbnb.

Speaker 2:
[36:32] Not sure.

Speaker 3:
[36:32] That's kind of their biz, renting out. But now that she's on the farm, can you not rent it?

Speaker 2:
[36:37] No, I think there's another part, but even better.

Speaker 3:
[36:39] Even better that she lives there? Oh my gosh. We got to get over there.

Speaker 2:
[36:42] The tourist numbers are going to be skyrocketing in K.Roe, Georgia. Ain't that the truth? So anyways, that's Ethan getting ready to head on off to Wisconsin and Russell has gone missing. We don't know where Russell is, OK? I think maybe his fingers got a little...

Speaker 3:
[37:02] All eyes on Russell.

Speaker 2:
[37:03] That nub got a little too frisky, OK? And now he's gone.

Speaker 3:
[37:07] He's like, oil check.

Speaker 2:
[37:08] Gone like a freight train.

Speaker 3:
[37:10] Yep, that's his party check.

Speaker 2:
[37:14] He's like, hey, they want me to change out all on that military vehicle. And he's like, yeah, sure. And he's like, well, check. That's what me and my comrades did in the in the military.

Speaker 3:
[37:23] Get you with that finger.

Speaker 2:
[37:25] That's how he lost it.

Speaker 3:
[37:28] Half of it's still in someone's hand. What's wrong with us?

Speaker 2:
[37:38] Everything, everything wrong with this. Oh, my God.

Speaker 3:
[37:43] Let's head on over to something even more exciting. Barry meeting with a matchmaker.

Speaker 2:
[37:46] Oh, OK, guys, I will tell you this. I didn't see Barry pulling up YouTube and doing the Bob Ross paintings, but he does. There's two right in front of him. I like imagine Barry in a Moo Moo kitten heels flower hat. And he's just like doing Bob Ross.

Speaker 3:
[38:06] Barry is like an interesting guy. There's so many facets to Barry.

Speaker 2:
[38:10] Let me tell you, Barry can pull out a backflip.

Speaker 3:
[38:12] And Barry has so many hidden talents.

Speaker 2:
[38:14] Yes. That's what I'm saying.

Speaker 3:
[38:15] Yeah.

Speaker 2:
[38:15] He can pogo. He can backflip. He can do it on a cycle. Yeah.

Speaker 3:
[38:19] Yeah. He can very like had a small stint in a circus.

Speaker 2:
[38:22] You know that thing where people grab the one foot and then they hop over it. He can do that.

Speaker 3:
[38:26] Of course he can.

Speaker 2:
[38:27] Right.

Speaker 3:
[38:27] Especially this fitness Barry.

Speaker 2:
[38:28] Oh, yeah.

Speaker 3:
[38:29] Yeah.

Speaker 2:
[38:30] He can do the alphabet backwards.

Speaker 3:
[38:31] Yeah.

Speaker 2:
[38:32] Super fast.

Speaker 3:
[38:32] He's also really good at cooking some sort of dessert. You're like, you wouldn't expect it, but he's like his key lime pie is amazing or something.

Speaker 2:
[38:38] What's the one that you got to be quiet about? Because you don't want it to collapse.

Speaker 3:
[38:42] Oh, I don't know.

Speaker 2:
[38:43] Isn't that a thing?

Speaker 3:
[38:43] I don't know.

Speaker 2:
[38:44] Okay.

Speaker 3:
[38:44] You have to be quiet. Maybe creme brulee. I don't know.

Speaker 2:
[38:47] I don't know.

Speaker 3:
[38:48] But he's got all these hidden talents.

Speaker 2:
[38:50] No, Ethan's favorite dessert is creme brulee because that's the one where you get the lighter out and burn it.

Speaker 3:
[38:56] He loves that.

Speaker 2:
[38:57] Yeah, he does. He absolutely does. But imagine Barry just sitting there doing his Bob Ross.

Speaker 3:
[39:03] I didn't even know there was such a thing.

Speaker 2:
[39:05] I love it. You didn't know. What do you mean?

Speaker 3:
[39:06] I didn't know that they did Bob Ross paint along.

Speaker 2:
[39:09] Yeah, on YouTube. Yeah. I mean, Bob Ross, I think, is dead now.

Speaker 3:
[39:11] Okay. Someone else is still alive.

Speaker 2:
[39:13] I don't know. But yeah, they're like recording. You just go on YouTube and do a Bob Ross painting.

Speaker 3:
[39:19] So Barry gets on the Zoom. He's meeting with Renee, who we looked up, and she's Renee something with one true match.

Speaker 2:
[39:26] Yes.

Speaker 3:
[39:26] A Christian matchmaking service. Also, she gives relationship dating advice on Instagram.

Speaker 2:
[39:32] She's very Mary Brown coded.

Speaker 3:
[39:34] Mary Brown would love her.

Speaker 2:
[39:36] Oh. Mary Brown wants to come in and help her with her business.

Speaker 3:
[39:39] She thinks she's like the dating version of Mel Robbins.

Speaker 2:
[39:41] Yes.

Speaker 3:
[39:42] I liked Mary Brown's matchmakers better.

Speaker 2:
[39:45] Same.

Speaker 3:
[39:45] If I was going to pick somebody, I'd go with Mary Brown.

Speaker 2:
[39:48] Yeah.

Speaker 3:
[39:48] I would love to set Mary Brown up with Barry.

Speaker 2:
[39:50] I feel like. Yeah.

Speaker 3:
[39:53] My matchmaking service, that's what I'm doing, you know? I think they both love to adventure.

Speaker 2:
[39:57] Right. And as she's currently turning into Skeletor.

Speaker 3:
[40:00] Yeah. They're both. They both work out now, maybe. Well, I don't know if she works out by doing a shot, but right. All the same.

Speaker 2:
[40:05] All the same.

Speaker 3:
[40:05] Yeah.

Speaker 2:
[40:06] She shoots up.

Speaker 3:
[40:07] She loves an adventure, though. She loves to travel. He wants to travel.

Speaker 2:
[40:10] She can put so many moving boxes on her shoulders. That's her hidden talent.

Speaker 3:
[40:14] Zona would love to run on the farm.

Speaker 2:
[40:16] Oh, Zona would be so happy.

Speaker 3:
[40:18] I think it's perfect, honestly.

Speaker 2:
[40:20] Yeah. You know, she doesn't have anything going on. And she's got experience running B&Bs.

Speaker 3:
[40:25] Yeah. They both love a rental.

Speaker 2:
[40:27] Yep. I think this is it.

Speaker 3:
[40:29] I think it's perfect. Honestly, I think they're good for each other.

Speaker 2:
[40:32] I feel like Barry thinks she wanted more kids.

Speaker 3:
[40:35] He's got nine.

Speaker 2:
[40:36] Yeah. You know, perfect. Not all of them talk to them, but it's OK.

Speaker 3:
[40:40] It's fine.

Speaker 2:
[40:41] Barry thinks Renee is the kind of gal that's in to him. Like he thinks that's what I feel like.

Speaker 3:
[40:47] I'm going to actually hit it off with the matchmaker.

Speaker 2:
[40:49] To find out next week that at exercise class, they call him Plath Daddy.

Speaker 3:
[40:53] Yeah.

Speaker 2:
[40:54] That was a big mistake because that has gone to his head.

Speaker 3:
[40:57] It has gone to his head. And he loves exercise class because he gets attention there.

Speaker 2:
[41:01] Oh, yeah.

Speaker 3:
[41:01] He's like he never misses it.

Speaker 2:
[41:03] Nope.

Speaker 3:
[41:03] Nope.

Speaker 2:
[41:04] He's also like his family deal. If his family went and saw him at exercise class, I've never seen my dad be this guy. You know, he's like out there clapping like to the music. He's like, come on, everybody.

Speaker 3:
[41:16] He is like the class clown. People are like Barry is hilarious.

Speaker 2:
[41:20] How sad is your life when you're like Barry's the class clown? Sad. All right. I don't want to be.

Speaker 3:
[41:24] There's not a lot of funny people.

Speaker 2:
[41:25] I don't want to be in there anymore.

Speaker 3:
[41:27] Sorry, Dollar K wrote.

Speaker 2:
[41:28] So Barry starts talking to Renee and Barry. I can't hear you. Barry, your your mic is off. Barry.

Speaker 3:
[41:37] We talk a lot on Patreon about embarrassing things that shouldn't be that embarrassing, but are. And this is one of them being on a Zoom where you're talking and you think they can hear you, but they can't. And they're just sitting there like, I see your mouth move. Don't hear you and it takes you forever.

Speaker 2:
[41:49] Why does it take so long to tell you though?

Speaker 3:
[41:52] I don't know. It's like, cause she's not paying attention. I don't know. And then it takes so long to figure out how to unmute yourself. And then you're like, sorry, I was just sitting here so awkwardly and you couldn't hear me.

Speaker 2:
[42:00] Do you think that before this, she was watching an episode of Plathville? Yeah.

Speaker 3:
[42:04] I think she's a big fan. She offered these services for free.

Speaker 2:
[42:07] Oh, for sure. For sure.

Speaker 3:
[42:09] Should we think Barry is ever going to get a match from this?

Speaker 2:
[42:11] No.

Speaker 3:
[42:12] Okay. No, I didn't think so either. I think it's a one-and-done. She met with him to be on the show. Well, no.

Speaker 2:
[42:17] Maybe he'll do a date for the show.

Speaker 3:
[42:19] Yeah, true.

Speaker 2:
[42:20] But no. I don't think that... So Barry has taken the personality profile assessment. I hate the way he talks.

Speaker 3:
[42:29] I know.

Speaker 2:
[42:30] But I'm like, what is Barry's profile? You know, bump on a wall.

Speaker 3:
[42:34] He's using a picture in a tank top. I can tell you that right now.

Speaker 2:
[42:37] Oh.

Speaker 3:
[42:38] Muscles out. Yeah.

Speaker 2:
[42:40] Hat on.

Speaker 3:
[42:40] No glasses.

Speaker 2:
[42:41] Yeah. Yeah. And we also had to find out his love language. You know, did the love language quizzes. And I'm like, I don't want to know if it's physical touch. Oh, God. We know that's Kim's. No thanks, Barry. And he's like, you know, and then we got to find out, you know, what kind of quirks does Barry have? You know, what kind of kinks does Barry have in the Budwark?

Speaker 3:
[43:05] Who is Barry?

Speaker 2:
[43:06] Don't talk in third person, Barry. Ace don't like when Bear talk in third person, OK? Ace don't like that.

Speaker 3:
[43:16] Did we get the love language? No type. Yeah, I didn't think so. I would love to know. And I would love to see what he filled out about himself because I feel like somebody else should have done it for him. He really hyped himself up.

Speaker 2:
[43:27] There are certain enneagrams who I'm like, you shouldn't have taken it yourself because you think of yourself one way, but that's not who you are.

Speaker 3:
[43:34] You know, right?

Speaker 2:
[43:35] Yeah, right. Some people, I think they do get it right.

Speaker 3:
[43:38] But there are some people I think a lot of people end up on a two who aren't a two.

Speaker 2:
[43:41] Right. They just think a lot of people are like, oh my God, I just give, give, give and give. Yeah. I pour from an empty cup all the time.

Speaker 3:
[43:48] I'm like, you're not you're not a giver.

Speaker 2:
[43:51] I thought your cup was overflowing with how selfish you are. But okey dokey.

Speaker 3:
[43:55] Glad you're the motherly type.

Speaker 2:
[43:56] So Renee's like, Barry, I am just I love that you are on this journey and I am so appreciative that I can be side by side with you. Well, on one side, the other side, Jesus is with you. There's four.

Speaker 3:
[44:10] Just ask Lydia.

Speaker 2:
[44:11] There are three sets of here footprints in the sand. And you are not dating alone. I am with you every step of the way. OK.

Speaker 3:
[44:21] And if ever I'm not available for a threesome, she's like, that's not what I mean, Barry.

Speaker 2:
[44:24] And if ever I'm not available, you're still not alone because Lord Father is with you every step of the way.

Speaker 3:
[44:32] I love that.

Speaker 2:
[44:33] So Renee, she's oh, also, when we go to Renee's social media, there was a podcast that came up called Call Her Holy.

Speaker 3:
[44:43] It was like a suggested follow after I went to her page.

Speaker 2:
[44:45] Yeah.

Speaker 3:
[44:46] I was like, it's a play on call her daddy, but it's call her holy and and call her holy isn't.

Speaker 2:
[44:52] So I'm a call her holy on over here.

Speaker 3:
[44:54] I don't think that does what you wanted it to do.

Speaker 2:
[44:56] I don't think that was a good idea.

Speaker 3:
[44:57] That's something Lydia Plath would do.

Speaker 2:
[44:59] Let me tell you, it's because they're so pure and innocent that they that doesn't cross their mind.

Speaker 3:
[45:04] Right.

Speaker 2:
[45:05] You know, and it's like only disgusting people like us here.

Speaker 3:
[45:07] Call her holy. Give a listen.

Speaker 2:
[45:09] Yeah, guys, go on over to call her holy. You know, just be careful you don't click on call her. HOLEY. You know, that's a different podcast. That's our other podcast. Call her holy. You know, that's the truth. So she's like, Bear, when I one of the questions I asked was, how ready are you to get back out in the dating pool? One to ten. And you said a five.

Speaker 3:
[45:32] Why is that? He's like, well, you know, I want to get to a ten, but I'm fresh off of a divorce.

Speaker 2:
[45:36] You're fresh off a divorce. You all haven't been together for five years at this point.

Speaker 3:
[45:40] I'm like, Kim has been around the block and back. Kim has been around the harbor on the side the whole time.

Speaker 2:
[45:45] Yes, Kim has got some miles on that.

Speaker 3:
[45:49] It's been five years since you've slept with anybody.

Speaker 2:
[45:52] Yeah. Do you think Barry could be asexual?

Speaker 3:
[45:57] I want to say yes, but I feel like he's kind of creepy. Like he's like very sexual.

Speaker 2:
[46:02] OK, I just feel like when he says that Kim wasn't having her needs met.

Speaker 3:
[46:07] Well, he didn't want to be with Kim.

Speaker 2:
[46:09] Oh, OK.

Speaker 3:
[46:11] Yeah, I don't think Barry was into Kim.

Speaker 2:
[46:14] You don't think so?

Speaker 3:
[46:14] No.

Speaker 2:
[46:15] OK.

Speaker 3:
[46:16] And just like last week, didn't they say like, you know, that mom's you know, he wants someone who's not mom's type?

Speaker 2:
[46:23] He is not interested in Cardi B.

Speaker 3:
[46:25] No, I'll say that. He's like, I love a flat ass.

Speaker 2:
[46:29] Something real flat, you know, something you can't set something on. The more pancake, the better. That's what I like.

Speaker 3:
[46:36] But with a crack is kind of my type.

Speaker 2:
[46:38] He also says that Kim, you know, just felt like, you know, she didn't have a voice in our relationship.

Speaker 3:
[46:44] She felt unloved. I'm like, she doesn't have a voice. She's the neck that turns the head.

Speaker 2:
[46:49] She is the neck and the head. Barry, you were just over there in your fucking mumu dress and kitten house. All right. I don't know why.

Speaker 3:
[46:56] Do we think that what that means is like for a while, Kim was like bowed down to him kind of like you're the leader of this family. And then after a while, she was like, fuck that. I'm not doing that anymore. And that's when she became so like overbearing.

Speaker 2:
[47:09] No, I think that Kim was like now she wants to rewrite history and be like, it was Barry's idea we did raise the kids like that.

Speaker 3:
[47:16] You're right.

Speaker 2:
[47:17] And I didn't have a voice. I wanted to I wanted to tell the kids, sure, let's go to DQ.

Speaker 3:
[47:20] You were just as bad.

Speaker 2:
[47:21] Let's go. She was the bad.

Speaker 3:
[47:23] Yeah.

Speaker 2:
[47:23] I am shocked to hear him say this. But Barry has learned he absolutely does not want an alpha female, a nurturer, someone soft and sweet, you know, kind of like opposite of Kim is what I'm looking for. He's like, have you ever seen that that documentary Keep Sweet? I was thinking, you know, a gal like that.

Speaker 3:
[47:41] Yeah, something like that. And someone actually, you know what? Someone just like my sweet Lydia, somebody who's call her holy, call her holy. And after 10 o'clock, she's call her a holy with an EY. I just love my sweet daughter Lydia.

Speaker 2:
[47:57] Yeah, no, I have been there, done that with the alpha female. That is definitely not Barry's tree. OK, no, not looking to climb that tree anytime soon. No, thank you. No, put off. I'm put off by the manipulation.

Speaker 3:
[48:11] I'm like, oh, also, though, he does bug me a little bit because I'm like, I know Kim was controlling and manipulative, and I do think she was the head that turns the neck. But you're just as know it's the neck that turns the neck that turns. She was the whole head. OK, she turned that neck.

Speaker 2:
[48:26] Uh-huh.

Speaker 3:
[48:27] But don't you think he was just as bad for a while?

Speaker 2:
[48:30] I think that Barry's a little bitch. I think he was in there doing his Bob Ross paintings and ignoring the whole family.

Speaker 3:
[48:36] I have to work and it's like, how many paint by numbers have you done today?

Speaker 2:
[48:39] Seriously, that's what he was doing. So, Renee's like, you know, I, Barry, let's talk about your type and he's like, well, kind of crazy, but something that I have always been very attracted to is somebody with all of skin. Now, I want to be clear. I don't mean a Hispanic.

Speaker 3:
[49:01] I still mean white. I just like a tan.

Speaker 2:
[49:02] I like a little tan.

Speaker 3:
[49:03] I like a little all of skin. I like someone who is rough in the sun, you know?

Speaker 2:
[49:06] Yeah. I like that. Someone who looks like they get outside.

Speaker 3:
[49:09] Kim has all of skin.

Speaker 2:
[49:10] Kim has leathered skin. OK, she's got leathered skin. And he's like, all right, let me put this easier for you. I'm going to put it into four words. The Sandra Bullock luck. That's what I'm looking for.

Speaker 3:
[49:23] You know, she was in Speed, Kanye Reeves.

Speaker 2:
[49:26] You know, she's been in a couple of movies since Speed.

Speaker 3:
[49:29] I was like, when I think Sandra Bullock, I don't think Speed, but OK.

Speaker 2:
[49:32] Right.

Speaker 3:
[49:32] And he's like, Miss Congeniality.

Speaker 2:
[49:34] You know, and you don't go slower than 50, you know, or it's going to blow.

Speaker 3:
[49:38] I was like, what does that mean? That was a sexual innuendo. I didn't want to hear.

Speaker 2:
[49:43] Jerks off at 50 miles per hour.

Speaker 3:
[49:44] He does.

Speaker 2:
[49:45] He's a choker on his dick.

Speaker 3:
[49:47] Do you think he watches Speed while he's doing it? Maybe that's his pornography of type. Maybe of choice.

Speaker 2:
[49:53] I'm like, OK, Miss Congeniality.

Speaker 3:
[49:56] Right.

Speaker 2:
[49:56] Right. Like, let's talk about some of the classics. Yeah. Let's talk about some of the classics here. OK. They like you didn't even mention Miss Congeniality.

Speaker 3:
[50:04] He loves that one. Oh, you know, he just didn't want to say it.

Speaker 1:
[50:07] Choice Hotels get you more of what you value.

Speaker 2:
[50:23] Barry can quote What's Your Perfect Date?

Speaker 3:
[50:25] Yep. You know, April 25th.

Speaker 2:
[50:28] Is that it?

Speaker 3:
[50:28] I think so. Or the 24th or the 23rd. I don't remember.

Speaker 2:
[50:32] Renee's like, you know, Barry, I think it would be really great if we had your girls write down some of the things that they're looking for from a mama. You know, because we know Kim's not the best. Right. And maybe then we can kind of take those things into account because there's not a lot of Sandra Bullocks in Cairo, Georgia.

Speaker 3:
[50:50] You know who we should hook up?

Speaker 2:
[50:51] Huh?

Speaker 3:
[50:51] Kaylynn's friend and Barry.

Speaker 2:
[50:54] But she had a husband, I think.

Speaker 3:
[50:55] Oh, you do? Yeah.

Speaker 2:
[50:57] I hope to God she wasn't the one who picked that sheet metal bar. That feels like a man's touch.

Speaker 3:
[51:03] I think she picked it.

Speaker 2:
[51:04] Oh, God.

Speaker 3:
[51:04] I think she picked it.

Speaker 2:
[51:05] Kim. Was her name Kim?

Speaker 3:
[51:07] Shabby Sheik. Yeah, another Kim.

Speaker 2:
[51:08] Yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 3:
[51:11] If anyone's ever on One of Mary Brown's live, we should suggest a date with Barry Plath.

Speaker 2:
[51:17] Yes.

Speaker 3:
[51:17] They both know the cameras. They probably have around this, like maybe some of the people in the same crew.

Speaker 2:
[51:21] Does Friday with Friends still happen?

Speaker 3:
[51:23] Sometimes.

Speaker 2:
[51:24] OK.

Speaker 3:
[51:24] So next Friday with Friends, let's get down.

Speaker 2:
[51:27] Let's get down to Barry Plath.

Speaker 3:
[51:28] Yes.

Speaker 2:
[51:29] Yes. Mary and Barry and Mary and Barry and Barry could also model her Lula Roe dresses.

Speaker 3:
[51:35] That's right.

Speaker 2:
[51:36] On the lives he loves.

Speaker 3:
[51:37] Those are perfect.

Speaker 2:
[51:38] Right.

Speaker 3:
[51:39] And he loves a pattern.

Speaker 2:
[51:40] Yes, he loves that. OK, so let's work on that, guys.

Speaker 3:
[51:44] But she loves to paint along.

Speaker 2:
[51:46] Yeah. Oh, she does.

Speaker 3:
[51:47] And have we seen her do?

Speaker 2:
[51:48] Yeah, she loves to paint an eggplant.

Speaker 3:
[51:50] Yeah. Oh, my gosh. Wow. Matchmakers.

Speaker 2:
[51:54] Wow. We're doing it.

Speaker 3:
[51:55] We're doing one successful match. So here's our second.

Speaker 2:
[51:57] Right. OK. Their relationship is not your content, Kate. Let's go out to the woods where it sounds like Kim is getting off, but it's actually just her with Isaac knocking down some dead trees.

Speaker 3:
[52:10] Producers did that on purpose.

Speaker 2:
[52:11] I know.

Speaker 3:
[52:11] I'm like, I was like, well, I don't need to hear what she sounds like in the bedroom. But now I know.

Speaker 2:
[52:16] But what we need to see after that is her either with Ken or Russell, not Isaac. That's where I was like, that was an odd.

Speaker 3:
[52:26] Well, this whole show is creepy like that.

Speaker 2:
[52:27] True. That is true. But they see they got 20 to 30 acres of woods on the farm.

Speaker 3:
[52:34] Yeah.

Speaker 2:
[52:34] Holy shit. This farm is bigger than I thought. Yeah.

Speaker 3:
[52:36] And they're like, and some of the trees die and you have to just push them over. And I was like, that actually looks like good therapy.

Speaker 2:
[52:42] Right. But you got to do it because Kim might be out there on our ATV. You know, riding along on a walk. Yeah.

Speaker 3:
[52:49] A jog, a light jog through the trees. And you don't want the tree to fall over on you.

Speaker 2:
[52:53] Kim, you ain't on a walk. You ain't on a light jog. She does think like one of her thing when it said bike, that's ATV.

Speaker 3:
[53:01] Yeah.

Speaker 2:
[53:01] Yeah. That's what she meant by bike.

Speaker 3:
[53:04] Electric bike.

Speaker 2:
[53:05] Yeah, for sure. Let's talk about Kaylynn, because Isaac broke up with Kaylynn and Kim is like, I just think the problem is they're not fucking enough. They got to be fucking.

Speaker 3:
[53:19] I think they should sleep together before marriage.

Speaker 2:
[53:21] I mean, if you think that Isaac hasn't been cornfield deep in Kaylynn. Right.

Speaker 3:
[53:27] I'm like, Kim, don't worry. You don't think any of the kids besides Lydia are waiting till marriage.

Speaker 2:
[53:30] He has put that corn on the cob. OK.

Speaker 3:
[53:33] Yeah, he is. Yeah.

Speaker 2:
[53:34] She has buttered his cob. All right. Kaylynn and the EM are fucking.

Speaker 3:
[53:40] His peanut farm has been farmed.

Speaker 2:
[53:41] Oh, he has been peanuted. Absolutely. There ain't a nut left on that farm. Kaylynn, Kaylynn and Kim have like an hours long conversation after she spots Kaylynn crying at Barry's house.

Speaker 3:
[53:58] That was odd. Who? Kaylynn was at Barry's. He's the comforter.

Speaker 2:
[54:03] You're looking for a shoulder to cry on in Cassia, you know, like who the fuck? Like where are you going there for? I don't know.

Speaker 3:
[54:09] Barry? Barry's great relationship advice.

Speaker 2:
[54:11] Did you do a paint by numbers? You and Barry had a painting slip?

Speaker 3:
[54:13] Come over, Bob Ross will fix this.

Speaker 2:
[54:15] Oh, I know. Best way to.

Speaker 3:
[54:17] And I made my key lime pie. Come here. I got extra fuzzy slippers in his eyes for you.

Speaker 2:
[54:24] Oh, my God. I just like, OK. And then imagine talking to on the phone with Kim for hours.

Speaker 3:
[54:30] Right.

Speaker 2:
[54:30] I'm out.

Speaker 3:
[54:31] And what was Kim saying? Like, join the Men Haters Club, Kaylynn. It's fun.

Speaker 2:
[54:35] Well, no, I think she was saying like, well, were you taking care of his needs? My boys have a lot of needs.

Speaker 3:
[54:39] You know, he likes you to be in the kitchen. He likes you to also be sucking on his corn on the cob and his peanuts.

Speaker 2:
[54:45] You know, she's like, well, Kim, I've been doing all sorts of stuff with his penis and stuff. But I don't know if I do like more stuff with the penis or whatever. You know, when I was talking to Mom and Daddy about it, talking to Mom and Daddy, you know, you're more you're cooler than Mom and Daddy.

Speaker 3:
[55:00] Yeah.

Speaker 2:
[55:01] No, Mom and Daddy, they didn't. They said just just pray about it, you know. And Kim's like, yeah, you got to get on your knees, but it's not for a prayer, baby.

Speaker 3:
[55:08] Let me tell you, I lived a long time with that belief system that Mom and Daddy have. And I'm switching it up.

Speaker 2:
[55:13] Let me tell you, you don't want to be so you don't need to crack open a Bible. You need to crack open those legs.

Speaker 3:
[55:18] OK, Kim's advice is always really good.

Speaker 2:
[55:21] You know, just like Kim, how are you now saying like, no, I think all my kids should be fucking.

Speaker 3:
[55:27] She's changed everything about what she's told them. She's like, forget everything I ever told you. It was all wrong. It was up. Eat the sugar, fuck.

Speaker 2:
[55:39] She's doing it all.

Speaker 1:
[55:40] Yeah.

Speaker 2:
[55:40] Yeah.

Speaker 1:
[55:40] Wow.

Speaker 2:
[55:41] But Kaylynn, she just really wants Miss Kim to make sure that she's checking in on Isaac.

Speaker 3:
[55:45] I know. And then Isaac was like, I feel really bad that she's still checking in on me after what I did to her.

Speaker 2:
[55:50] He's got a lot of guilt. I'm sorry.

Speaker 3:
[55:54] I know. I feel like you might be right.

Speaker 2:
[55:55] He cheated.

Speaker 3:
[55:56] But why wouldn't they say that?

Speaker 2:
[55:58] Because it's going to make him look bad.

Speaker 3:
[55:59] OK, true.

Speaker 2:
[56:00] Right. Because we can't have boys look at it.

Speaker 3:
[56:02] He's got to unscrew what he screwed up.

Speaker 2:
[56:04] Unscrew what you screwed up. I'm sorry. But like once you've buttered the cob, you can't unbutter it.

Speaker 3:
[56:10] Somebody got to unscrew it.

Speaker 2:
[56:12] You can't unbutter the cob.

Speaker 3:
[56:13] Yeah.

Speaker 2:
[56:14] You can't put the peanut back in the shell.

Speaker 3:
[56:16] There was some pretty little lady at the peanut farm. And he.

Speaker 2:
[56:20] You think?

Speaker 3:
[56:21] I don't know.

Speaker 2:
[56:21] Oh, I imagine Isaac goes to a bar with a fake ID, Ethan's ID.

Speaker 3:
[56:27] With that kid that he worked on the farm with. What was his name? Ralph.

Speaker 2:
[56:31] No, it's Marco.

Speaker 3:
[56:32] Oh, Marco.

Speaker 2:
[56:33] Marco or Mario.

Speaker 3:
[56:34] OK.

Speaker 2:
[56:35] Someone with an M. He's the bad influence. And he's like, hey, dude, these two chicks think that they want to suck our peanuts, you know, and take it back to the farm and hide in the corn maze. Yeah. Ralph, I think, is a good guy.

Speaker 3:
[56:49] OK.

Speaker 2:
[56:49] Ralph is stand up gentleman.

Speaker 3:
[56:50] OK.

Speaker 2:
[56:51] Don't ever besmirch Ralph like that.

Speaker 3:
[56:53] You're right. You're right.

Speaker 2:
[56:54] Do not besmirch his good name. But Isaac's like, you know, mama, I just I had to break up with her because she's two and a half years older than me. And I know she wanted to get married.

Speaker 3:
[57:03] I know she wants to start having kids. And she's like, well, she pressuring you. He's like, no, no, not at all.

Speaker 2:
[57:08] No, she never even said she actually never talked about marriage. Yeah, no. And she's like, OK, are you? Is it because you guys ain't fucking? He's like, no, she is. She has seen my peanuts in every which way.

Speaker 3:
[57:19] Kim is like, good, because that's what I encourage. Right. I encourage, you know, trying every flavor.

Speaker 2:
[57:22] Yeah. Listen, I'm still trying to figure out the lady.

Speaker 3:
[57:26] So you know how horrible it was to have to sleep with your father for all those years and no one else? You know, I didn't know what I was missing. No, I can dominate Ken on your place, and then I still get to have sex with whoever I want at the harbor.

Speaker 2:
[57:38] Yes, it's true. Yeah. But she's like, you know, I think that the reason my kids have bad relationships is because they all wait to get married to have fuck. Not that they grew up in a broken home where I am a piece of shit and I treat them as controlling and I kept them away from the real world.

Speaker 3:
[57:55] None of that.

Speaker 2:
[57:56] It's not my fault. No, it's that they weren't fucking.

Speaker 3:
[57:59] Yeah. They rushed into marriage so that they could get into bed with somebody. You know, and she's like, look at poor Lydia. She's stuck with Zach.

Speaker 2:
[58:04] Oh, yeah.

Speaker 3:
[58:06] She'll never be sexually fulfilled.

Speaker 2:
[58:08] Yeah. Sometimes, you know, you just got to see the grass isn't always greener for yourself. I can tell you the grass ain't greener over here, but you got to check it out for yourself, you know? And that's what that's what Isaac has to learn.

Speaker 3:
[58:22] It's like, I hope I can just I hope I can make it right. He's working on unscrewing the screw two days without her and I can't do it. I've realized I miss her and I think she may be the one who's going to do my laundry.

Speaker 2:
[58:32] Do you think Lydia who's going to press my jeans for the peanut farm?

Speaker 3:
[58:37] You know, and after 10 o'clock, she turns into the first thing like Lydia.

Speaker 2:
[58:40] Oh, you think? No, no, I think Kaylynn. Kaylynn would meet you on her nurse shift lunch break and take care of a good time. Have a couple of peanuts. You know what I'm saying? Yeah. She, Kaylynn, I think gets down.

Speaker 3:
[58:51] Yeah, she's like, and I do want to have Hunter Green as my wedding color on the front.

Speaker 2:
[58:56] No, she wants camo green. She wants camo green as her color. And Isaac, you probably going to wear like a camo tie or something like that. Mom and daddy would really like if you weren't really fun. It'd be really funny.

Speaker 3:
[59:08] And I'm going to do boots.

Speaker 2:
[59:10] You know, you know what? I think that we should do like a deer cake like they do for Caleb on Sister Wives. Mom and daddy would really like that, you know? I think that'd be a great idea for you to have like a deer cake we cut into. And it's like bloody and intestines and shit. I think I'm cool as fuck. Cool as. Also, I know that Kaylynn again, I don't know this for sure, but I know for sure. She loves line dancing.

Speaker 3:
[59:33] Yeah.

Speaker 2:
[59:33] Her and Isaac are always line dancing.

Speaker 3:
[59:35] You can find them at the local saloon saloon every Friday night for line dancing.

Speaker 2:
[59:41] Uh huh. I know it to be true. Did you know that Cairo was the hospitality city?

Speaker 3:
[59:46] I did not.

Speaker 2:
[59:47] Mike, but because Kim's got two Airbnb's here, you know, like what else is in Cairo?

Speaker 3:
[59:53] I don't know.

Speaker 2:
[59:54] Like, I'm sorry.

Speaker 3:
[59:55] Not even Georgios. That's in Tallahassee.

Speaker 2:
[59:57] Right. I mean, if Georgios was there, I understand.

Speaker 3:
[59:59] Yes. You know, hospitality city.

Speaker 2:
[60:01] We've got Taylor at the front desk, you know, hostess of the year.

Speaker 3:
[60:04] You think hospitality, you think Taylor.

Speaker 2:
[60:06] H-O-Y, ho-y, hostess of the year. I was trying. Well, I wanted to say H-O-Y for hostess of the year, but then I thought it would be better if I could make it ho.

Speaker 3:
[60:20] Okay.

Speaker 2:
[60:20] But then hostess of eternity. Ho.

Speaker 3:
[60:24] You're right.

Speaker 2:
[60:25] That's Taylor.

Speaker 3:
[60:25] Right.

Speaker 2:
[60:27] Barry and the girls, they're all doing their cross stitching together.

Speaker 3:
[60:30] Barry, I tell you, he's a jack of all trades.

Speaker 2:
[60:32] Yep. He's like, you taught her the pearl method yet?

Speaker 3:
[60:35] He taught her to sew.

Speaker 2:
[60:36] I thought it was so funny. Like, mercies are seamstress. Yeah.

Speaker 3:
[60:40] Yeah.

Speaker 2:
[60:40] She's like, no, I got the pearl method. Amber ain't ready for that shit yet, though. All right. Let me tell you something. I've been trying to teach these girls, but I've been trying to teach Cassia, but she's always getting zigzags going. You know, she don't seem to be able to like get it going the right direction. It's going left. It's going right. It's going left. It's going right.

Speaker 3:
[60:58] Speaking of going left and going right.

Speaker 2:
[60:59] Yeah.

Speaker 3:
[60:59] Barry's going to bring up dating Cassia's face.

Speaker 2:
[61:03] She is.

Speaker 3:
[61:04] She's seen the ghost in two different directions. She's like, are you sure you want to date? Last time you picked someone, you picked mom.

Speaker 2:
[61:13] Yeah, I don't know if we want to do that again.

Speaker 3:
[61:15] Yikes. That was a bad call. You know, she's like, maybe we should pick.

Speaker 2:
[61:19] You know what I was thinking about? Taylor said that he met Lydia and Mariah, and that's when he found Jesus. OK, and that's when he realized that he's an ex-gay.

Speaker 3:
[61:29] Yeah.

Speaker 2:
[61:31] Do we think that Lydia was going to conversion camp?

Speaker 3:
[61:34] I don't know.

Speaker 2:
[61:35] You know, Lydia loved like a low pony. She loved a frizzy hair.

Speaker 3:
[61:41] She would never admit it.

Speaker 2:
[61:43] No, no, no. I know that. But is she like, I've been having tainted thoughts. And so I have to go to the ex-gay. Maybe.

Speaker 3:
[61:48] I don't know. But I do believe that Lydia met Taylor and was like, you could be a good person, but I've got to work on you first.

Speaker 2:
[61:54] Yes.

Speaker 3:
[61:54] And she was throw up Mandy Moore style throw in the pipe.

Speaker 2:
[61:56] Absolutely. Absolutely. She was.

Speaker 3:
[61:59] Lydia is a thing for Taylor turning.

Speaker 2:
[62:01] So they're like, Amber's like, Oh my God, thank God. I've been waiting for dad to get laid. It's about fucking time. OK.

Speaker 3:
[62:07] She's like, Mom's been fucking people all over the place.

Speaker 2:
[62:10] We hear her and Ken just and then they're like, and then we hear the GSD starts going crazy. What they don't know is that's not Ken. That's not Ken's boots knocking, all right. That is another man and the dog barking. That GSD don't bark. That's Ken.

Speaker 3:
[62:29] It's trained.

Speaker 2:
[62:29] Yeah.

Speaker 3:
[62:30] Kim trained it just like Ken.

Speaker 2:
[62:31] And it's Ken barking. OK. Amber's new confessional. She's looking cute.

Speaker 3:
[62:35] Yeah, she is.

Speaker 2:
[62:36] She's looking cute. How old is Amber now?

Speaker 3:
[62:38] I don't know, but I feel like Amber may come out on top.

Speaker 2:
[62:41] Yeah.

Speaker 3:
[62:41] Yeah. I feel like she had enough of like things turned when she was still at an age where like she didn't get too strong of Barry and Kim being crazy.

Speaker 2:
[62:50] I'm putting my money on Mercy. Okay. That's where my money's at.

Speaker 3:
[62:54] I feel like yes, but Mercy is so Mariah Plath to me that I feel Mercy is going to think she deserves a singing career and I don't know.

Speaker 2:
[63:00] But here's the thing, Mariah, Mercy is hitting her Mariah Plath at 12.

Speaker 3:
[63:05] Yeah.

Speaker 2:
[63:05] When Mariah hit it at 22.

Speaker 3:
[63:07] You're right.

Speaker 2:
[63:07] She's getting that out of her system now. You know, yeah, I got a chance. I I'll say it again. I'll say it again. I do not trust Cassia.

Speaker 3:
[63:16] No, I think Cassia is going to be very much a Lydia.

Speaker 2:
[63:19] Oh, no.

Speaker 3:
[63:21] OK.

Speaker 2:
[63:21] No, I think that Cassia is gone like a freight train.

Speaker 3:
[63:25] OK.

Speaker 2:
[63:26] Yeah.

Speaker 3:
[63:26] All right.

Speaker 2:
[63:27] Listen, I think Cassia is going to get in some trouble in her life.

Speaker 3:
[63:32] OK.

Speaker 2:
[63:32] Yeah.

Speaker 3:
[63:33] All right.

Speaker 2:
[63:33] There's going to be body cam footage of her doing a sobriety test, and they're going to be like, look at this finger. Damn.

Speaker 3:
[63:42] How long can you go without a cat?

Speaker 2:
[63:44] You made them too.

Speaker 3:
[63:46] No, I didn't.

Speaker 2:
[63:46] Yeah, you did. OK. We're going to hell anyway.

Speaker 3:
[63:50] They're like, are you like on a dating app, Dad? That's so fucking weird.

Speaker 2:
[63:53] And he's like, yeah, it's called something named Greener.

Speaker 3:
[63:57] Greener.

Speaker 2:
[63:58] I've been on Greener.

Speaker 3:
[63:59] It's weird, though. I haven't found a lot of women.

Speaker 2:
[64:03] A lot of penises.

Speaker 3:
[64:06] He's like, no, I'm actually using an elite dating service. OK, it's a Christian mingled type of special matchmaker, and I think she actually has the hots for me.

Speaker 2:
[64:16] And Renee actually said, what sort of things are you guys looking for in a mama? And Mercy's like, she got to like 80s music, because I just got into it thanks to hard rock and roll. Thanks to Ken's jukebox.

Speaker 3:
[64:28] Yeah, we love listening to Ken's jukebox.

Speaker 2:
[64:31] We are always turning on the jukebox, you know, and she's also got to like...

Speaker 3:
[64:34] Barry's like, I also love that jukebox.

Speaker 2:
[64:36] Yeah, he's like, you also got to like country music. You know, those are two really important things to us.

Speaker 3:
[64:41] And she's got to be okay with our singing.

Speaker 2:
[64:43] Yeah, Amber's like, you know, she's got to have a good sense of humor. She needs to like water activities.

Speaker 3:
[64:48] Like what's Barry doing? The one time he surfed, right?

Speaker 2:
[64:51] No, their water activities are... No, they go... What are those paddle boards? Oh, they're always paddle boarding. Yeah, didn't Kim try to paddle board once?

Speaker 3:
[65:01] Did she?

Speaker 2:
[65:02] I feel like I remember her out on their...

Speaker 3:
[65:03] She was kayaking once on the...

Speaker 2:
[65:05] Okay, that's what it was. That's what I was thinking.

Speaker 3:
[65:07] Yeah.

Speaker 2:
[65:07] Okay. Mercy's like, she's got to be good enough to help us with our math homework.

Speaker 3:
[65:12] Yeah, because mom quit. We don't have a teacher anymore.

Speaker 2:
[65:15] Yeah. Amber's like, I think it'd be great if she was good at communicating.

Speaker 3:
[65:19] You know, mom's not right.

Speaker 2:
[65:20] You know, anything not like mom Cassie is like, I think she needs to have a vision for where she's going. You know, I think that it's important. OK. And then Amber's like, what if she likes coffee?

Speaker 3:
[65:31] Mercy's like, what if she kisses you and she has coffee breath?

Speaker 2:
[65:34] Oh, my God, like Barry really hates coffee.

Speaker 3:
[65:37] Yeah, he does. Apparently.

Speaker 2:
[65:38] Yeah.

Speaker 3:
[65:39] I think Barry is very much still stuck in the very religious ways, but he just tries to act like he's cool now.

Speaker 2:
[65:45] Gotcha.

Speaker 3:
[65:45] But Kim, I feel like has dropped it a lot. Like she's like, I'm not even religious. She's like, that was all fake. I was a fraud.

Speaker 2:
[65:51] Right.

Speaker 3:
[65:52] But Barry, I think like the fact that this is like a Christian matchmaker and stuff, I think Barry's like, I want to be cool to the outer world, to like the show. I want to act like I'm not. He wants like a, you obey me.

Speaker 2:
[66:04] He wants a trad wife.

Speaker 3:
[66:05] He wants a trad wife. Yes. Yeah.

Speaker 2:
[66:06] Yeah, he does.

Speaker 3:
[66:07] Which Mary Brown is not, so that may not work out. But I would just like them to go on a date.

Speaker 2:
[66:11] Mary Brown has been too empowered.

Speaker 3:
[66:12] Yes.

Speaker 2:
[66:13] She's too worthy.

Speaker 3:
[66:14] She has found her worth.

Speaker 2:
[66:15] Right. She could not be with someone like Bear.

Speaker 3:
[66:17] No.

Speaker 2:
[66:17] Maren Bear is done.

Speaker 3:
[66:18] I know it's not a good match, but I just want it to happen.

Speaker 2:
[66:20] Yeah.

Speaker 3:
[66:21] Just maybe like a little session. Yeah.

Speaker 2:
[66:23] We should do like crossovers on TLC.

Speaker 3:
[66:25] We should.

Speaker 2:
[66:25] You know, we should. We find out Mary's got a blind date and as she's walking into the restaurant, it goes from Sister Wives, turns into Plathville.

Speaker 3:
[66:33] It's like Vanderpump. Yes. Vanderpump to, or Beverly Hills to Vanderpump. Yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 2:
[66:38] We're walking inside of Georgios and on the other side, we get the entire cast of characters at Georgios and now we're on Welcome to Plathville.

Speaker 3:
[66:46] And Mary and Jen are sitting at the bar.

Speaker 2:
[66:48] Yes.

Speaker 3:
[66:48] Talking to Taylor. Yes. Perfect.

Speaker 2:
[66:51] Yeah. I think that'd be a good show.

Speaker 3:
[66:52] They need more content, you know?

Speaker 2:
[66:53] Yeah.

Speaker 3:
[66:53] There's not that much to be had.

Speaker 2:
[66:55] I think that'd be good. But I just thought like, okay, is just Barry. I don't like coffee. I've never had coffee and I don't like the smell of coffee, but never has it crossed my mind like, oh, I hope I don't have to kiss you after you have coffee breath.

Speaker 3:
[67:08] Yeah. You've never said like you have coffee.

Speaker 2:
[67:10] The only time that coffee breath really bothered me was when I had Mr. Parr sophomore year of high school, but he turned out to be a child predator and got caught with the Sam. So I think maybe it wasn't just the coffee breath that was bothering.

Speaker 3:
[67:24] He was just triggering all around.

Speaker 2:
[67:26] Yeah. He was not right about a bad failure.

Speaker 3:
[67:28] Well, unsettled and it wasn't a coffee breath.

Speaker 2:
[67:30] Unfortunately, he did die in prison, Mr. Parr. Now it sounds like I went to school in Cairo.

Speaker 3:
[67:37] Got what was coming for him.

Speaker 2:
[67:38] Well, no, I think he just died.

Speaker 3:
[67:40] Well, still.

Speaker 2:
[67:40] I was hopeful it was something else.

Speaker 3:
[67:45] Barry is like, well, Renee is going to be vetting all of them. Do you guys know what vetting means? And they're like, yeah, like a vet helps animals. You're homeschooling yourself very well.

Speaker 2:
[67:54] Dad, obviously, I told you I want to be a vet when I'm older. I know what vetting is.

Speaker 3:
[67:59] And I was like, all right, let's get these kids into school.

Speaker 2:
[68:03] The fact that he wanted to clarify, you know what vetting is.

Speaker 3:
[68:06] I know, because he knew he was like, Kim's never taught them anything.

Speaker 2:
[68:09] Right.

Speaker 3:
[68:09] I'm like, homeschool is not a bad thing. But when your mom's MIA, right, she's your teacher. You got to have somebody. And you know, she's not letting them get on the computer to do it.

Speaker 2:
[68:17] No. She's just like, well, now they're free rein. Oh, Kim got them iPads so fast that they should leave her alone when they're there.

Speaker 3:
[68:25] You know, like go in your room again.

Speaker 2:
[68:27] Right. Go to that weird upstairs girl's room on your bed. Yeah. Yeah. Go up there. Watch your TV. OK. And Cassie's like, can we watch Skinimax again? She's like, I don't care what you're watching.

Speaker 3:
[68:37] Like, honestly, don't ask. Don't tell. Yeah.

Speaker 2:
[68:40] Just like Russell in the military. Don't ask. Don't tell.

Speaker 3:
[68:42] Policy around here. You know, you do whatever the fuck you want. And I won't ask as long as you do your chores.

Speaker 2:
[68:48] So back on the farm, we've got Kim entering her Suzanne Summers era. She is ready to get healthy. She's got her blackboard chart, which again, she's holding a piece of paper up to make sure she's got the formula just writing her columns very nicely.

Speaker 3:
[69:05] You know, rebound, walk, stretch, bike, dance, dance. Yeah.

Speaker 2:
[69:09] And Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday. That's very important that she gets in the splits. Surprisingly, she wants a variety of exercises. But what she doesn't mention is she's going to be doing five minutes a day of exercises.

Speaker 3:
[69:26] Yeah.

Speaker 2:
[69:26] So one minute splitting, she's counting sex, one minute jumping, one minute six. Yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 3:
[69:33] She's like, you know, Barry built me a ballet bar once and I'm hoping to get it back.

Speaker 2:
[69:38] Ken will do it for me.

Speaker 3:
[69:39] I'm going to start dancing.

Speaker 2:
[69:40] I'm going to get into the guy.

Speaker 3:
[69:42] I can't wait.

Speaker 2:
[69:42] I can't wait to get key in over there, get in your spot. And then put my ballet bar on.

Speaker 3:
[69:47] Barry did was the ballet bar.

Speaker 2:
[69:48] Oh, my God. Kim jumping on that trampoline. Go girl, go, go girl, go all right. Go girl, go.

Speaker 3:
[69:58] Heard the 100 jumps a day can change your life.

Speaker 2:
[70:00] You know, you know, she was she's got she had 10 kids. Yeah, she's been she's there's piss all over that thing.

Speaker 3:
[70:07] It's pissing her pants.

Speaker 2:
[70:08] Ken is like, God damn it. Is there one patient furniture in this house that ain't covered in Kim's piss? I'm already covered in her piss.

Speaker 3:
[70:16] She's like, this house reeks of pee. Yeah, both of you.

Speaker 2:
[70:19] Yeah, she's jumping. She's pissing. It's it's bad.

Speaker 3:
[70:22] She's breathing so heavy in this that I'm like, can we give her a pause after her jumping? Because I don't really want to hear it.

Speaker 2:
[70:29] It was like, she's like, you know, I was like so busy with the kids before. I'm like, you weren't. Lydia was busy with the kids.

Speaker 3:
[70:39] She's like, you know, they didn't eat sugar.

Speaker 2:
[70:40] And we ate a lot of healthy honey. You know what? I should get out my juicer. I love celery and ginger. Those are the two worst things you could juice. And she was juicing those two together, saying that was her favorite. Gross celery is spicy. I'm not interested.

Speaker 3:
[71:01] Celery juice, though, is like one of the best benefits, I think.

Speaker 2:
[71:04] But it's not good.

Speaker 3:
[71:05] No.

Speaker 2:
[71:05] It doesn't taste good. Yeah, I've sucked it down several times because people are like, you wake up, you have your celery juice, and you're going to be a new person. Your lymph nodes are all going to drain. It's going to be wonderful. It's like, yeah, but it tastes disgusting. Then ginger?

Speaker 3:
[71:20] No. People love ginger, but I think it's gross.

Speaker 2:
[71:22] That's disgusting.

Speaker 3:
[71:23] She's like, I'm going to look for that juicer.

Speaker 2:
[71:25] Right now, actually.

Speaker 3:
[71:26] I think it's right here. Where the heck is it? There's an empty spot right here where the box was.

Speaker 2:
[71:30] It's not here.

Speaker 3:
[71:31] The juicer of all juicers.

Speaker 2:
[71:33] It's not here. It's pretty big juicer. I don't think I could be missing it.

Speaker 3:
[71:36] Ken wanders in. She's like, why are you off your place?

Speaker 2:
[71:39] She's like, Karen, get in here.

Speaker 3:
[71:42] Where's my juicer?

Speaker 2:
[71:43] Where's my fucking juicer, Ken? Did you touch it again? And he's like, well, you know, Barry came over and he took it. He took the juicer. I said I had the juicer and I said we do have the juicer.

Speaker 3:
[71:53] Well, I've got a problem with Barry because that's not his.

Speaker 2:
[71:57] That in the divorce, we went through the divorce decree. That is line 296 on page 36 of our divorce decree, juicer Kim.

Speaker 3:
[72:10] OK, I bought that 30 years ago for $52.99.

Speaker 2:
[72:14] It's Sears Layaway. OK, and I will say this right now. I bought that with the money that the kids did from their traveling concerts. OK, and their first big show, I kept that. I kept that and got us a juicer.

Speaker 3:
[72:27] She's like, I've got to call Barry and Ken's like, I'm not going to fall.

Speaker 2:
[72:30] Then Barry just slowly kind of like.

Speaker 3:
[72:33] No, Ken.

Speaker 2:
[72:33] Oh, Ken. Ken just slowly like fades back. He like runs into the chair. He's so nervous. And they just kind of stand there.

Speaker 3:
[72:40] I feel like he was like, am I out of camera view? And they were like, no.

Speaker 2:
[72:42] And Kim's just drinking her water. And she looks back over there. She's like, you can go back to the living room. You are excused. Back to the living room. Get back on your place. Get back on your spot right now, Ken.

Speaker 3:
[72:53] Place.

Speaker 2:
[72:53] Place.

Speaker 3:
[72:55] Don't make me get out your leash.

Speaker 2:
[72:56] Don't make me get out your bacon strips. I'm going to take away your bacon strips. All right? Dogs don't know they're not bacon.

Speaker 3:
[73:02] It was just so weird.

Speaker 2:
[73:03] Yeah.

Speaker 3:
[73:03] You can go back to the living room.

Speaker 2:
[73:04] Well, I'm like, he's like, okay. Sorry.

Speaker 3:
[73:06] He's like, am I excused?

Speaker 2:
[73:08] Sorry about the momma.

Speaker 3:
[73:09] Sorry. I don't know what I'm doing here.

Speaker 2:
[73:11] Ken, if you don't get in your place right now, you're going in the kennel. You understand me? I don't care if these cameras are here.

Speaker 3:
[73:17] He's like, Maggie's in there.

Speaker 2:
[73:22] It's not a girl dog.

Speaker 3:
[73:25] Maximus is in there.

Speaker 2:
[73:31] Kaylynn, I'm going to hell. I'm going to hell, but I know what the dog's name is.

Speaker 3:
[73:37] What?

Speaker 2:
[73:38] Adolf.

Speaker 3:
[73:43] They've only taught it German.

Speaker 2:
[73:46] Nei!

Speaker 3:
[73:47] Nei! Do you know what that means?

Speaker 2:
[73:50] I think it means no or stop.

Speaker 3:
[73:52] I have no idea.

Speaker 2:
[73:53] Wow. Wow. Oh my God. You know what? I'm going to look up a German, a German word.

Speaker 3:
[73:58] A German command.

Speaker 2:
[73:59] Yes.

Speaker 3:
[73:59] Well, it is a German shepherd. They're just teaching it its heritage.

Speaker 2:
[74:03] Oh my God. I didn't even put that together. The way that I killed that joke without even knowing it. Kills me. Oh my God. Seats, plots, blieb. Here.

Speaker 3:
[74:21] It knows German.

Speaker 2:
[74:22] Yeah. Sure. Yeah. Wow. OK. Wow. That's good. That's good. OK.

Speaker 3:
[74:29] Let's leave that fucked up joke and let's head to eastern Wisconsin, where it's only going to get more fucked up.

Speaker 2:
[74:35] Ethan's like, I'm going to Wisconsin because I'm going to surprise Teegan.

Speaker 3:
[74:39] I got my tools, my duffel bag, my rope.

Speaker 2:
[74:42] My duct tape, my knife, my chloroform, my shovel.

Speaker 3:
[74:46] My garbage bags.

Speaker 2:
[74:48] You know, a couple of clothes. But, you know, mostly I just. A pair of rubber gloves. Some stuff you might need, you know. But that's only a Walmart backpack.

Speaker 3:
[74:58] They always have a Walmart backpack.

Speaker 2:
[75:00] That's only if I go to Teegan's and I see another man's truck in her driveway.

Speaker 3:
[75:06] I'm just going to sleep in the empty lot next to the mall. It's only like one minute from Teegan's house. I'm like, you fucking creep. Hi, I'm here. I moved here, but I just sleep in my car one minute from your house. Get a fucking hotel so I can monitor you.

Speaker 2:
[75:20] Get a hotel.

Speaker 3:
[75:22] What he didn't say is that he's he's watching the entrance and exit of her street like no.

Speaker 2:
[75:26] What every time she is that she works at Claire's doing the ear piercings at the mall. She would she would. Yeah, absolutely. You know, he's watching her walk out of the mall and some high school girls know if you if you give her an extra 50, she'll do your tongue, you know, but you got to do it when her manager's not there. You know, she does belly buttons, tongues and cartilage cartilage on Wednesdays during her manager's lunch and the high school girls know like you give her 50 bucks to get it.

Speaker 3:
[75:56] Claire's she'll hook it up. Yeah, but he's like, I want to watch and she doesn't ask for a parent signature.

Speaker 2:
[76:01] No, no, God, no, absolutely not. But she she works there.

Speaker 3:
[76:06] And so Ethan's like, I want eyes on the mall, you know, eyes on her house, the entrance and exit of her neighborhood and the mall.

Speaker 2:
[76:13] Yeah. And if I swear to God, if I see her talking to any of those Wetzel pretzel guys or the man at the cell phone counters in the middle, that you break it, I'm going to tell you right now this this rope duct tape now.

Speaker 3:
[76:28] Don't even get me started at the men who work at the cap store, you know. Oh, the hat store or whatever that is.

Speaker 2:
[76:33] Oh, God.

Speaker 3:
[76:34] Sports caps.

Speaker 2:
[76:35] No, no. She he's my locker.

Speaker 3:
[76:39] You got to watch out for the footlocker boys.

Speaker 2:
[76:41] No, you got to watch out for the guys who work at the perfume store. Oh, yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 3:
[76:45] They get her with that perfume.

Speaker 2:
[76:47] OK, pheromones.

Speaker 3:
[76:48] Perfumania.

Speaker 2:
[76:49] Yeah. Perfumania got to watch it there. So Ethan is not only just coming to surprise Tegan with like, Hey girl, came to surprise you. He's like, No, I'm going to move here. And then after I've established residency here, I'm going to let her know I'm here so that she can't get away from me. Right.

Speaker 3:
[77:05] And then it's real creepy because I'm right here.

Speaker 2:
[77:07] Right. And I'm just like, this seems like a terrible place.

Speaker 3:
[77:12] Literally seems like you're a stalker. I think she could call the police and say, my ex is a stalker and he's sleeping in the empty lot next to the mall to watch me come and go for my job at Claire's. What in the world is he doing?

Speaker 2:
[77:24] He's showing commitment more than words.

Speaker 3:
[77:26] He thinks this is like a romantic gesture and I'm like, no, it's not.

Speaker 2:
[77:30] Here's the thing.

Speaker 3:
[77:31] Also, let's not forget she has a six-year-old.

Speaker 2:
[77:33] Romeo and Juliet was like a romantic gesture. But I'm like, this is not Romeo and Juliet. This is Chris Watts and Shannon. You know what I'm saying? This is a different story, babe. This is not good.

Speaker 3:
[77:44] And she has a child. That makes it even more scary.

Speaker 2:
[77:47] Yeah.

Speaker 3:
[77:47] You know?

Speaker 2:
[77:48] He's like, what? Little Tootie is going to go over to the daycare and I know where that is. Sunshine. Sunshine kids.

Speaker 3:
[77:53] I used to be on an emergency contact list. I hope I'm going to pick her up, hold her hostage until her mom will date me again.

Speaker 2:
[77:58] I believe that Isaac's or he says this, but he says that Isaac's breakup with Kaylynn is what really inspired him to start stalking Teegan because he's like, you know, Isaac broke up with Kaylynn. Isaac's saying, you know, she's working with a male nurse at the hospital. And so I got to keep eyes on Teegan.

Speaker 3:
[78:15] Yeah, it's not romantic. It's creepy.

Speaker 2:
[78:18] Because here's the thing, if Teegan leaves Claire's and goes to the tattoo shop down the street, done.

Speaker 3:
[78:24] Don't forget she loves those EDM concerts.

Speaker 2:
[78:26] Oh my God. Imagine Ethan at an EDM concert in his jeans and his black shirt, black shirt, boots, you know.

Speaker 3:
[78:34] He's like, this is different than my mama used to listen to.

Speaker 2:
[78:37] Oh, yeah, this is different than my music. Definitely.

Speaker 3:
[78:39] I like the old country showing their boobs off a lot.

Speaker 2:
[78:43] Bunch of sluts. They're all asking for it, you know.

Speaker 3:
[78:46] Yeah.

Speaker 2:
[78:46] And we got these little fairy guys running around in their little speedos and shit.

Speaker 3:
[78:51] Ethan's basically like, we're all fucked up and we can't hold the relationship because of my parents.

Speaker 2:
[78:55] Yeah. And I'm like, mom, thankfully, someone gets it.

Speaker 3:
[78:58] Yeah. Well, at least, you know, it's honest.

Speaker 2:
[79:00] Also, I feel like production is letting us know that he's a fucking creeper and a kidnapper because they have him pull into a parking spot and let the fog all come over the camera.

Speaker 3:
[79:10] And it was like, they're like, this is should we change the music? They're like, we shouldn't be associated with him right now.

Speaker 2:
[79:15] Should we change the music, change the lighting settings a little bit, like in post-processing? And we have a serial, the beginning of a serial killer movie.

Speaker 3:
[79:24] Yeah, it felt like we were watching the what's that one?

Speaker 2:
[79:28] Ted Bundy, the Ted Bundy one that was on Netflix or the one where he eats the people.

Speaker 1:
[79:34] Yeah.

Speaker 2:
[79:34] Yeah. What was his name?

Speaker 1:
[79:36] I don't remember.

Speaker 2:
[79:36] Nass Filler.

Speaker 3:
[79:38] They're all charming. That's the thing, though. Ethan's not charming.

Speaker 2:
[79:40] Yeah.

Speaker 3:
[79:41] So that's not going for true. Maybe he's not a serial killer.

Speaker 2:
[79:44] That is true. That is something they have in common. Yeah. He's like, you know, I'm only a minute from her right now. And I think I just, you know, I got my binoculars.

Speaker 3:
[79:55] So it's like, but I'm like, did she ask you not to contact her? Like, I think we need more contacts of why they haven't spoken.

Speaker 2:
[80:02] Is there a restraining order in place?

Speaker 3:
[80:03] I'm feeling like there is because I feel like she, if they, if the reason was just that like we have to break up because of the move, it seems like we would still be texting each other like, I miss you. I wish it would have worked out kind of a thing. Not like no contact.

Speaker 2:
[80:15] I know, but Javier from the boost mobile station in the middle of the mall has got her eye and she's like, listen, I'm moving on to bigger and better things.

Speaker 3:
[80:24] If you're not going to take over the military, I'm saying the fact that she has not contacted him means she has moved on or she's scared of him.

Speaker 2:
[80:30] Yeah. Yeah. I think, I think, yeah, it's not like a, well, you know, you know, the guys at Sbarro's always give her free breadsticks with her tits.

Speaker 3:
[80:37] Those breadsticks from Sbarro's are so good.

Speaker 2:
[80:39] She always is like showing those jugs off at the mall. Hell yeah, she is.

Speaker 3:
[80:44] She loves a low cut top.

Speaker 2:
[80:45] Yeah.

Speaker 3:
[80:46] Claire's doesn't have a dress code. Is it Claire's doesn't have a dress code? No, no, you can wear whatever you want there. It's a perk of the job.

Speaker 2:
[80:54] Right. It's it's really come a different way since we were children.

Speaker 3:
[80:57] Yeah.

Speaker 2:
[80:58] Yeah. It's it's a basically if you want to dress your daughter like a slut, take her to Claire's. Yeah. Um, Ethan's like, you know, this has nothing to do with my family. I love my family and I'm going to miss them. But this just has to do with making sure that Teegan can't fall in love with anybody else.

Speaker 3:
[81:13] I want to make sure she knows I'm here and I won't leave her alone.

Speaker 2:
[81:16] So he facetimes Kim and Kim's like, so what's up? She's like, actually, I'm in Wisconsin. She's like, oh, what's in Wisconsin? He's like, Teegan, I'm out front of her house right now.

Speaker 3:
[81:28] I'm going to sleep in an empty lot here so I can watch her. And Kim's like, OK, you're not like doing anything fucking weird, like driving past your house at 2 a.m., are you? He's like, nothing that can get you arrested. We've already had one arrest in the family. We don't need more.

Speaker 2:
[81:39] Right. No, I'm driving in her neighbor. I'm not driving her now. I'm respectful. OK.

Speaker 3:
[81:43] I'm parked outside of it. I'm sleeping in my car.

Speaker 2:
[81:46] I'm walking down her street at night. Totally different.

Speaker 3:
[81:49] I'm peeking in the window.

Speaker 2:
[81:50] Right. I am very stifle with this moment.

Speaker 3:
[81:53] Don't worry. I'm always in a black shirt. She'll never see me come in.

Speaker 2:
[81:57] Kim's like, well, you know, you could just tell her. And if she doesn't believe you, like you could say, well, I'm going to prove you wrong, babe.

Speaker 3:
[82:04] Yeah. She's like, I mean, like the I think the worst thing is like you call her and tell her and she just thinks like that's weird. But like if you don't tell her, I think she's going to think that's even weirder.

Speaker 2:
[82:13] You know, you don't tell her she's going to think you're a fucking.

Speaker 3:
[82:15] She knows like she can't be honest with Ethan because he'll be like, fine, I'm not going to ever talk to you again, mom.

Speaker 2:
[82:20] Yes.

Speaker 3:
[82:20] She's like, please just be careful.

Speaker 2:
[82:23] Yeah. So then Ethan decides to go down the street, basically by Teegan's house. And as production is talking to him about the car and the fact that it is very obvious.

Speaker 3:
[82:35] Like she knows you have this car, right? And he's like, yeah, she does.

Speaker 2:
[82:38] And nobody else in the world is driving this.

Speaker 3:
[82:40] It's very obvious.

Speaker 2:
[82:41] And he's like, oh my God, that was Teegan right there.

Speaker 3:
[82:43] I'm like, of course, because she can't come or go from this area without you seeing her.

Speaker 2:
[82:48] Yeah. I hope I hope Teegan calls the police.

Speaker 3:
[82:51] I hope so, too. I hope she has not taken him back. I don't know if she has. I know Isaac and Kaylynn are back together, but I don't know if he's an Ethan.

Speaker 2:
[82:58] It's fucking weird.

Speaker 3:
[83:00] It is fucking weird. But, you know, we wanted to do a meet up in Wisconsin when we were there this summer, and I'm thinking we meet up with Ethan. You think he's still in the parking lot?

Speaker 2:
[83:09] Probably.

Speaker 3:
[83:09] I think we know where to find him.

Speaker 2:
[83:10] 2 a.m. Or if there's a Wisconsin EDM concert.

Speaker 3:
[83:13] Yeah, that too.

Speaker 2:
[83:14] I don't know where in Wisconsin she is.

Speaker 3:
[83:16] Eastern.

Speaker 2:
[83:17] Eastern. Where are we going?

Speaker 3:
[83:18] We don't know. I'm not sure what's what.

Speaker 2:
[83:21] What are we going to? The Grand Waves or something?

Speaker 3:
[83:23] The Driftless region.

Speaker 2:
[83:24] Driftless.

Speaker 3:
[83:25] Driftless. Madison. And then Madison.

Speaker 2:
[83:28] Oh, okay. I'm going to look at them, man.

Speaker 3:
[83:29] Where's Eastern?

Speaker 2:
[83:30] Well, the east side.

Speaker 3:
[83:32] Okay. Well, I know that, but I don't know what's over there. What cities?

Speaker 2:
[83:35] That's what I'm trying to figure that out. I'm going to put in Madison and see where it's at on the on the in the shape and the hand. Oh, no, that's Michigan.

Speaker 3:
[83:45] For some reason, I feel like it's Western.

Speaker 2:
[83:46] Madison's like dead in the south middle.

Speaker 3:
[83:50] Okay.

Speaker 2:
[83:52] We need to be more like Milwaukee or Appleton or Sheboygan.

Speaker 3:
[83:57] Okay.

Speaker 2:
[83:58] Or Oshkosh Green Bay. Yeah.

Speaker 3:
[84:01] Okay. All right.

Speaker 2:
[84:02] That brings me to the video of that woman. Who years and years and years ago, she was on a journey to find a specific candle at Bath and Body Works. And she was like, you know, and I so I drive to the Bath and Body Works in Sheboygan. And as I'm there, I'm waiting my turn. I'm asking the lady, do you have the candy apple candle? And she's like, oh, I'm so sorry. We don't. The people in Oshkosh just told me you do. And I drove to Sheboygan. It's a great video. You've never seen it. You got to watch it.

Speaker 3:
[84:35] Well, you know how to say the names of clear.

Speaker 2:
[84:37] Yeah. Guys, listen, if you enjoyed this episode and you're not on Patreon yet, you got to come on over. Come on over. Come on over, baby. We have really let our hair down here.

Speaker 3:
[84:50] We don't care anymore. If we offended you, I'm sorry, but move on. We don't need a four star review. We don't need a one star review. Just five only. If you're going to take the time, do it because you like us.

Speaker 2:
[84:59] Yeah.

Speaker 3:
[85:00] And if you want to have some more fun.

Speaker 2:
[85:02] Yeah.

Speaker 3:
[85:02] It's more fucked up shit, but also just more fun.

Speaker 2:
[85:05] Right.

Speaker 3:
[85:05] More shows.

Speaker 2:
[85:06] Yeah.

Speaker 3:
[85:06] Come on, join us.

Speaker 2:
[85:07] We're doing Unexpected. We're doing Thousand Pound Sisters. We're doing, as you can imagine, those give us a lot of content. Yes. Sister Wives still.

Speaker 3:
[85:16] Always. Old Sister Wives always rewatch forever and ever.

Speaker 2:
[85:20] And then on Fridays, we cover a whole bunch of random shit.

Speaker 3:
[85:23] Just things that are going on in the world. Bravo world. You know, reality world.

Speaker 2:
[85:27] Also, just so you know, fair warning, we talk about ourselves quite a bit. You know, we do.

Speaker 3:
[85:30] We talk about our personal life.

Speaker 2:
[85:31] There's a lot of lore of our lives over there.

Speaker 3:
[85:33] A lot of inside jokes. So you got to go back.

Speaker 2:
[85:35] You got to go back to the beginning. There's over a thousand episodes. So good luck.

Speaker 3:
[85:39] Good luck.

Speaker 2:
[85:41] All right, guys, I hope all of you have a beautiful day. You know, I think we need to do some apologies.

Speaker 3:
[85:48] I think so, too.

Speaker 2:
[85:49] Okay. Apologies to GSD owners.

Speaker 3:
[85:51] Yes.

Speaker 2:
[85:52] And the GSDs.

Speaker 3:
[85:53] And anyone with a dog named Maggie, Maximus, Max, Mad Max.

Speaker 2:
[85:57] Adolf. Not going to apologize to that one.

Speaker 3:
[86:00] Okay.

Speaker 2:
[86:00] I'm not apologizing to that dog.

Speaker 3:
[86:02] No, no, no.

Speaker 2:
[86:02] You know, no, no, no. They don't deserve an apology.

Speaker 3:
[86:06] Apologies to everyone who loves a Bob Ross paint along.

Speaker 2:
[86:09] Apologies to Cassia. I'm going to leave it there.

Speaker 3:
[86:12] Always.

Speaker 2:
[86:13] I'm going to leave.

Speaker 3:
[86:13] Lots of apologies to Cassia.

Speaker 2:
[86:14] Every time we need to apologize to Cassia.

Speaker 3:
[86:16] No apologies to Kim or Ken. I don't think I...

Speaker 2:
[86:20] Apologies to Kim for doubting that she couldn't do a split.

Speaker 3:
[86:23] Okay.

Speaker 2:
[86:23] Yeah.

Speaker 3:
[86:23] Yeah.

Speaker 2:
[86:24] You know.

Speaker 3:
[86:24] Apologies to Kim that I'm guessing the Suzanne Summer. Summer is not coming again.

Speaker 2:
[86:29] Yes. This is not her Summer to be Suzanne Summers. No. Apologies to Teegan for, you know, saying that you work at Claire's when you could work at the tattoo shop. We don't know.

Speaker 3:
[86:39] Yeah, we don't know. But we said you were cool at Claire's.

Speaker 2:
[86:41] Right.

Speaker 3:
[86:41] You know, I don't really know. Apologies to Teegan for having a stalker one minute away from you in an empty parking lot. I hope you've gotten away from him.

Speaker 2:
[86:49] Yes, I do think that.

Speaker 3:
[86:50] Apologies to Kaylynn for saying you're going to have a camo print wedding with boots and your mom and daddy are telling you not to sleep with them.

Speaker 2:
[86:56] I think mom and daddy might still be on board with that. And I think Kaylynn could be into that too. And I imagine them doing, whenever they do a gender reveal, them shooting something.

Speaker 3:
[87:07] For sure.

Speaker 2:
[87:07] For sure. For sure they is. Apologies for saying that about you, Kaylynn.

Speaker 3:
[87:10] Apologies if you've done a shooting a paint bomb. Is that what it's called? Gender reveal.

Speaker 2:
[87:15] Oh, apologies if you've ever done a gender reveal. We've shit on you for sure. Any type. Any type, we've shit on you. Yeah. Apologies to Georgios for, you know, besmirching your name. Apologies to Lydia for saying you you fuck with the lights on like a crazy girl. Apologies to God. Apologies to God for bringing you into this episode so many times.

Speaker 3:
[87:35] You know, apologies to anyone else who's ever followed their dreams and, you know, followed a woman and didn't tell her you were there and stalked her.

Speaker 2:
[87:42] Yeah. Yes.

Speaker 3:
[87:43] Maybe it worked out for you.

Speaker 2:
[87:43] Apologies to Renee and apologies to the gals over at one holy or call her holy. Yeah.

Speaker 3:
[87:50] But you should change the name of your podcast.

Speaker 2:
[87:51] You should call it one holy girl. Apologies for that too.

Speaker 3:
[87:56] Apologies to Barry for always saying you wear a mumu, kitten heels, you know, clip on earrings.

Speaker 2:
[88:00] But we think you pull it off.

Speaker 3:
[88:01] But you look great.

Speaker 2:
[88:02] Apologies to Mare and Bear for trying to hook you up.

Speaker 3:
[88:05] Apologies to Mary for saying that we were going to hook you up with Barry. I know it's not a good look. You're above that. But let's just try it.

Speaker 2:
[88:10] However, not apologies because I do think he would still be a great model for your Lula Roe dresses.

Speaker 3:
[88:15] You're right.

Speaker 2:
[88:15] Yes. You know, I think that kind of clears it up. Apologies to Cassia for saying that you are going to have a sobriety test.

Speaker 3:
[88:23] Apologies to anyone who does like to get on their place and be nominated and have a Golden Shower.

Speaker 2:
[88:28] Apologies to our Golden Shower girlies and boys, you know. Apologies. So listen, if we missed you, just know that we apologize, okay?

Speaker 3:
[88:36] We're sorry. It's all in good fun.

Speaker 2:
[88:38] Right. This is just for fun, for silly.

Speaker 3:
[88:40] Allegedly on everything.

Speaker 2:
[88:41] Allegedly on everything. Thank you. Yep. All right. Make sure the attorneys hear that one. All right, guys. Splish splash. We're all trash. Goodbye.