transcript
Speaker 1:
[00:02] This is a Headgum Podcast.
Speaker 2:
[00:05] Hacks is back for its fifth and final season, and so is the Hacks Podcast. Join the Hacks creators and showrunners Lucia and Yellow, Paul W. Downs and Jen Statsky as they unpack the Emmy-winning comedy series. On each episode, hear stories from the set, what goes on in the writer's room, and how these beloved characters close out their final season.
Speaker 3:
[00:27] Watch Hacks streaming exclusively on HBO Max and listen to the Hacks Podcast on HBO Max or wherever you get your podcasts.
Speaker 4:
[00:46] Hello, Sasheer.
Speaker 5:
[00:48] Hello, Nicole.
Speaker 6:
[00:49] How are ya?
Speaker 4:
[00:50] I'm good, how are you?
Speaker 6:
[00:51] Oh boy, looked in the mirror today, and I said it's time for these braids to get refreshed.
Speaker 5:
[00:57] Yeah.
Speaker 6:
[00:57] But that would require me to send a text, to find a date and a time that's good for both of us. And I simply don't have the capacity right now.
Speaker 5:
[01:06] Yeah. Maybe you could have like, cause you can schedule a text, did you notice?
Speaker 6:
[01:13] What?
Speaker 5:
[01:14] You can schedule a text. I don't know if you can schedule, I don't know how far out you can schedule a text, but I have definitely scheduled a text to go out like the next morning.
Speaker 6:
[01:22] Oh.
Speaker 5:
[01:23] So I wonder if like, cause like how long do you usually have your braids in? Or do you want your braids in?
Speaker 6:
[01:31] I mean, technically I should have them in for a month and a half, get the front refreshed and then go another month and a half.
Speaker 5:
[01:38] So maybe like after you get your braids done, you can schedule a text to go out a month and a half in the future that's like, Hey, are you available this weekend or like this coming week or whatever? Like, you don't even remember, it's already been scheduled.
Speaker 6:
[01:50] Wow. Wow. Queen of making things easier for yourself.
Speaker 4:
[01:57] And I'm the queen of like, how can I make that as hard as possible so I fuck it up?
Speaker 5:
[02:03] Well, it's not fucking up, it's just gonna take longer than you want.
Speaker 6:
[02:05] Yeah, it is so fuzzy. I'm sure the people watching, the black people watching are like, does she know what she looks like? And I want to say, yeah, I do, I do.
Speaker 5:
[02:18] You know, you can also use bandanas or scarves, you know?
Speaker 6:
[02:23] Yes, and I did tie one around my head and I went, I don't like it.
Speaker 5:
[02:26] Not your look.
Speaker 6:
[02:27] No, I'd rather just have the fuzz so people know.
Speaker 5:
[02:31] So people know. We all know, it's time.
Speaker 6:
[02:34] I know it's time, Tik Tok, Mr. Wick.
Speaker 4:
[02:37] It's time to get new braids.
Speaker 5:
[02:40] Mr. Wick?
Speaker 6:
[02:42] Yeah, in this scenario, I'm John Wick.
Speaker 5:
[02:45] And your mission is to get new braids.
Speaker 6:
[02:47] Uh-huh.
Speaker 5:
[02:50] Nice.
Speaker 6:
[02:51] Oh my goodness. You had a stand-up show last night.
Speaker 4:
[02:55] I did do a stand-up show last night.
Speaker 6:
[02:56] Was it last night?
Speaker 5:
[02:57] It was last night, yeah.
Speaker 6:
[02:59] Time is wild.
Speaker 5:
[03:00] Time is wild.
Speaker 6:
[03:01] Truly wild. I was like, wait, was that two or three nights ago? No, it was last night.
Speaker 5:
[03:04] It was last night.
Speaker 6:
[03:05] It was really fun.
Speaker 5:
[03:06] Thank you. It was so fun. I had a blast. Yeah, I had taken a hiatus from stand-up and I'm now actually getting back into it. Last year I was like, I'm ready. And then I was like, psych, I'm actually not ready. And this year I'm like, I actually am ready. And then booked a room and my goal was to get a half hour. I only did like 22 minutes, but like.
Speaker 6:
[03:32] Still great.
Speaker 5:
[03:33] Yeah, still great. Still a great start. And had some friends on, Julia Rossi, Francesca Ramsey, Cameron Esposito. And they were all so fun.
Speaker 6:
[03:39] Everyone was so fun and funny. Yeah. And I liked that everyone got on stage and was like, back at it again. Yeah. Just get my sea legs wet.
Speaker 5:
[03:48] I don't think I like purposely did that. Like I kind of did and didn't, but I was like, oh yeah. Everyone's just like, I haven't done this in months or years. Like it was nice that we all were like in and out of it. Which is actually really nice because I mean, maybe there are more standups like that as we age because life is happening. People have kids or they take breaks or they get jobs or whatever. But when we started doing standup, I felt like such a pressure to like, go, go, go, go, go and grind, grind, grind, grind, grind. Which I think was beneficial because I created a lot of stuff, but I was burnt out a lot of the time.
Speaker 6:
[04:28] Yeah. Especially in New York, the pressure is like, you got to get up at three shows a fucking night, and everything is in a rather close approximate. You just hop on the train and walk down the street. But yeah, you get older and you're like, oh boy, I got to get in my car, and I got to drive for 30 minutes in the dark to get in more dark.
Speaker 5:
[04:47] Yeah.
Speaker 6:
[04:47] Some of these jokes won't work for some of these people. I better stay home. I better get in bed.
Speaker 5:
[04:52] Get in bed.
Speaker 6:
[04:53] But I do love that you were like, I want to do it. You booked a room. Because I feel like sometimes when people give up something, they're like, well, that was the old me. I never know how to get back into it.
Speaker 4:
[05:04] I simply won't.
Speaker 6:
[05:05] But it's like sometimes you just got to jump in the deep end. Wait, what is it?
Speaker 4:
[05:12] What song am I thinking of? Shallow?
Speaker 6:
[05:14] Yep.
Speaker 4:
[05:16] I'm on the deep end, watch as I dive in.
Speaker 6:
[05:25] Yeah, you're not going to sink. You'll float to the top like Lady Gaga.
Speaker 4:
[05:30] Like Lady Gaga. Okay.
Speaker 6:
[05:32] I like that. I went through a phase where I watched that movie so many times.
Speaker 5:
[05:37] It's just really good.
Speaker 6:
[05:38] It's a great movie.
Speaker 5:
[05:39] It's a really great movie.
Speaker 6:
[05:40] I saw it in theaters and I remember, I don't want to ruin it for anyone, but the end, well, is there a twist that you might not see coming unless you've seen the other version of this movie?
Speaker 5:
[05:54] I don't want to spoil this remake of a remake of a remake of a remake.
Speaker 6:
[05:59] But when that thing happens, the audience collectively was like, and like the air was sucked out of the room. And I was like, theaters can't die. I think about things like that. Like they cannot die.
Speaker 5:
[06:09] I love a theater experience.
Speaker 6:
[06:11] Me too.
Speaker 5:
[06:11] I love laughing with people. I love gasping with people. I love when like the audience finds a joke that wasn't supposed to be a joke. And we're all like, oh, that's crazy.
Speaker 6:
[06:22] It's fun. It's so fun. When I went and saw The Substance, it felt like the theater thought it was a straight up horror movie. But I was like, it's really funny.
Speaker 5:
[06:29] Yeah.
Speaker 6:
[06:30] And like I was laughing and the person I was with was like laughing about things. And then like the audience like kind of caught on and was like, wait, this is funny. So like that was a fun thing to experience. I love the theater.
Speaker 5:
[06:39] Love the theater.
Speaker 6:
[06:40] Nicole Kidman was right.
Speaker 5:
[06:41] She was right. She was right. I sent you that thing about how she did the AMC commercial for free. Because she was like, I just want people to get to the theater. And I'm like, I'm going for you, Nicole.
Speaker 6:
[06:54] Yes, I'm going for her. And now I put, when I see previews of something, I'm like, ooh, that's on the list. Instead of the list that I had, I've just now put it in my calendar. So when it pops up, I go and I put it at 1 p.m. So I should be awake. I should be awake. So then I'll text people on that day to be like, let's make a date to go see it.
Speaker 4:
[07:14] Smart.
Speaker 6:
[07:15] I like that. It's because I missed Send Help in theaters. Sam Raimi's movie.
Speaker 5:
[07:20] Yes.
Speaker 4:
[07:23] I really want to see it.
Speaker 5:
[07:24] I also want to see it.
Speaker 6:
[07:25] I'm so in the theatrical window is so small now.
Speaker 5:
[07:28] It gets so short now. I go straight to streaming.
Speaker 6:
[07:31] Yeah.
Speaker 5:
[07:31] Yeah. I don't like that.
Speaker 6:
[07:32] I don't want to watch it stream to my home. I want to watch it with the people.
Speaker 5:
[07:35] I do want to watch it with the people. But that's like how they're doing deals now.
Speaker 6:
[07:41] Yeah.
Speaker 5:
[07:42] Which I don't like.
Speaker 6:
[07:43] I don't like it either. It's a real bummer. But I want to see Obsession. Do you know that one? Oh, yeah.
Speaker 5:
[07:48] I saw the trailer for that. It looks good.
Speaker 6:
[07:50] Well, you see it because you're not a spooky ook.
Speaker 5:
[07:51] I'm not a spooky ook, but the concept is so interesting to me. I'm like, maybe I can try it. The trailer, I guess it was bloody. But I'm hoping it's not like crazy gory. I want to try it.
Speaker 6:
[08:06] Okay. Here's the thing. You can leave.
Speaker 5:
[08:09] I'm always exercising that, right? Yes. I will always leave when I need to.
Speaker 6:
[08:14] I will exercise my right to leave. To go home, get in bed.
Speaker 5:
[08:19] That started in college, maybe. Like when I had to see plays for my drama program, there were times where I was like, I don't want to be here anymore. And I would leave and it felt so good. It felt really empowering. Be like, I'm just I'm going to take my time back now. I don't have to sit there. Reclaim my time. I'm reclaiming my time.
Speaker 6:
[08:39] That's funny. I've only left one play at Intermission. Don't want to say what it is because it was a touring production and I know people put work into it. Of course. But there was a technical malfunction and the lead walked on stage, realized that the set pieces were not there and just went and then walked right back out. And I was like, huh? And then they're like, then they brought the lights up and they're like, hey, guys, oopsies, we got to fix something and we're like, okay. And then they fixed it and then he walked back out like nothing happened. I was like, okay. But then I was like, was it worth it?
Speaker 4:
[09:16] The scene wasn't that great. I didn't like it.
Speaker 6:
[09:18] And then at intermission, I was like, I gotta go.
Speaker 5:
[09:21] Yeah.
Speaker 6:
[09:21] Gotta get out of here.
Speaker 5:
[09:23] Yeah. I feel that. I heard there's gonna be a documentary about the Spider-Man musical. Because that was apparently a lot of chaos.
Speaker 6:
[09:36] A lot of people worked really hard.
Speaker 5:
[09:38] And a lot of people got hurt.
Speaker 6:
[09:40] I think somebody died.
Speaker 5:
[09:42] Oh, I don't know if I need to do that.
Speaker 6:
[09:43] I think.
Speaker 5:
[09:43] Whoa.
Speaker 6:
[09:44] I might be a liar, but I think. Or maybe someone died on a Spider-Man set.
Speaker 5:
[09:50] I actually have no idea.
Speaker 6:
[09:51] I know that tragedy has happened in the Spideyverse.
Speaker 5:
[09:53] What's the tragedy in the Spideyverse? Yeah. I mean, it's like they're doing crazy stunts.
Speaker 6:
[09:57] Yeah.
Speaker 1:
[09:57] No one died.
Speaker 5:
[09:58] Okay.
Speaker 6:
[09:59] No one died. But did someone die during a filming of Spider-Man?
Speaker 1:
[10:03] Yes. A worker died during the filming of the first Spider-Man movie in 2002. A crane that was used to build a set piece toppled over and struck him in the head.
Speaker 5:
[10:14] Damn.
Speaker 6:
[10:15] Fucking sucks.
Speaker 5:
[10:16] It sucks.
Speaker 6:
[10:16] It's so sad.
Speaker 5:
[10:17] It's so sad.
Speaker 6:
[10:19] Julie Taymor, Taymor did the choreography.
Speaker 5:
[10:22] Yeah.
Speaker 6:
[10:23] You know, she's like a legendary choreographer. And so much money went into the Spider-Man musical. And I believe it is the biggest, for lack of a better word, it's flop.
Speaker 5:
[10:36] How do I say this gently?
Speaker 6:
[10:37] Flop.
Speaker 4:
[10:40] In Broadway history, I think it is.
Speaker 6:
[10:43] But I would, I, here's why I want to go to the theater. I want to see someone's creative vision of Spider-Man with dancing.
Speaker 5:
[10:51] Yeah, I can't imagine.
Speaker 6:
[10:53] What is it?
Speaker 5:
[10:53] What is it?
Speaker 6:
[10:54] Was it Spider-Man turn off the dark? Yes. Turn off the dark.
Speaker 5:
[10:58] Turn off the dark?
Speaker 4:
[10:59] Spider-Man flip that light switch. That's what that means.
Speaker 5:
[11:05] It's too dark in here.
Speaker 6:
[11:06] Spider-Man.
Speaker 5:
[11:07] Spider-Man, turn off the dark.
Speaker 4:
[11:08] Turn off the dark. We gotta see something.
Speaker 6:
[11:13] I can't believe more people didn't flock to see that. I can't believe I didn't flock to see it.
Speaker 5:
[11:20] I think there was a short window when you could. I think they were in previews for a year or something like that, and they wouldn't let people come.
Speaker 6:
[11:27] Wait, really?
Speaker 5:
[11:28] Because they were trying to work out all the technical issues.
Speaker 6:
[11:31] Wow. Love to see that. That's a nice time. Wow. It is just so funny to me that someone would be like, you know what needs to be a musical? Spider-Man. Yeah. I mean, the third movie was kind of a musical. Oh? Sam Raimi had a lot of dancing and jazz in there.
Speaker 3:
[11:54] That's true.
Speaker 6:
[11:55] And then there's that lady, Spider-Man, Spider-Man, if nobody can do it, Spider-Man can't. That's not how it goes. I do not remember that. It's just a lady on the street. Allie, do you know what I'm talking about?
Speaker 1:
[12:05] I don't remember this lady, but I do know the song.
Speaker 6:
[12:10] It's from the Sam Raimi Spider-Man movies. I think it's in the third one. Yes, because when Spider-Man gets venomed and is black, oh, turn off the dark, get venom out of him. I wonder if that's what it was about. Who's to say? Nobody saw the Broadway show. But he's acting all bad or whatever. The lady singing about Spider-Man is like, Spider, it's like sadder.
Speaker 4:
[12:36] Is she like a street performer? Yes, nobody knows.
Speaker 5:
[12:39] She's like, Spider-Man, Spider-Man.
Speaker 6:
[12:42] Allie, can you please Google Lady on the Street singing Spider-Man song?
Speaker 5:
[12:47] From Spider-Man 3?
Speaker 6:
[12:49] Maybe Spider-Man 3. I'm 90% sure it's Spider-Man 3.
Speaker 5:
[12:52] Okay.
Speaker 6:
[12:53] Because I just read them all, or read them all. I just watched them all.
Speaker 5:
[12:57] Are you a Sam Raimi head?
Speaker 6:
[12:59] It's interesting who I'm discovering that I love. Yeah. Because they're so, I don't know what I was doing. There's so many movies I have not seen.
Speaker 5:
[13:06] I mean, same.
Speaker 6:
[13:07] But I really like Sam Raimi. I am a Camry Stan, James Cameron.
Speaker 5:
[13:12] Oh, Camry Stan?
Speaker 6:
[13:13] Like, Toyota Camry?
Speaker 4:
[13:16] Here's the thing, I fucked up his name. I said Camry and I met Cameron.
Speaker 5:
[13:20] I was like, Camry Stan?
Speaker 6:
[13:21] Who's Camry?
Speaker 5:
[13:23] New person, I don't know.
Speaker 1:
[13:24] Okay, this is from the second movie. Let me know if this is her.
Speaker 6:
[13:26] Oh, the second one.
Speaker 5:
[13:28] But only the singing lady?
Speaker 3:
[13:30] Oh, my God, so it is.
Speaker 6:
[13:35] I thought it was the third one. Okay, I'm so sorry.
Speaker 5:
[13:55] So she had two cameos in there.
Speaker 6:
[13:56] God bless. It's from the second movie when Spider-Man loses his power and he's not showing up.
Speaker 5:
[14:01] Oh, they're like, where is he? Wow.
Speaker 6:
[14:03] But isn't that fun that that lady was singing? And it doesn't support my theory of the third one being a musical.
Speaker 4:
[14:10] But maybe the second one's a musical?
Speaker 6:
[14:12] I feel like it's the third one, cause that's the jazz one.
Speaker 5:
[14:15] Maybe they all are musicals.
Speaker 6:
[14:16] Maybe.
Speaker 5:
[14:17] I'm actually really excited to see Nicolas Cage's Spider-Noir.
Speaker 6:
[14:20] Spider-Man Noir? Oh, is it Spider-Noir?
Speaker 5:
[14:22] I think it's Spider-Noir. I think so.
Speaker 6:
[14:24] It looks fun. I saw a trailer for it, and I was like, hey, let's do it.
Speaker 1:
[14:28] Yeah.
Speaker 6:
[14:28] I do love Nicolas Cage. Ghost Rider is a fun time.
Speaker 1:
[14:32] Oh, yeah.
Speaker 5:
[14:33] I still haven't seen it.
Speaker 6:
[14:34] It's about a man who they say makes a deal with the devil, but the devil definitely just took his signature. Like, there was no deal to be had. He took advantage of a little boy.
Speaker 5:
[14:44] Oh, no.
Speaker 6:
[14:45] And he was like, I'm going to take your daddy's cancer, and then you have to ride at night as a flaming skeleton.
Speaker 5:
[14:52] A child can't make that decision. That's crazy.
Speaker 6:
[14:55] It is crazy. And also, I don't think the devil gave him all the ins and outs. I don't think he once said he was going to have to be a skeleton on fire riding a motorcycle.
Speaker 5:
[15:03] That's terrible.
Speaker 6:
[15:04] It was wild. Really a treat of a movie.
Speaker 5:
[15:08] But the dad survived?
Speaker 6:
[15:09] No. Oh, I don't want to ruin things, but he doesn't. It's one of those...
Speaker 5:
[15:15] Monkey paw situations?
Speaker 6:
[15:17] Yeah. I was going to say a Tasmanian double clause, and I didn't know what it was.
Speaker 5:
[15:24] But yeah, that sounds crazier.
Speaker 4:
[15:26] A Tasmanian double clause?
Speaker 5:
[15:28] Everything's fucked up.
Speaker 6:
[15:29] Everything's crazy. Yeah.
Speaker 5:
[15:32] Damage if you do, damage if you don't. Yeah.
Speaker 6:
[15:35] Here's the thing about Ghostwriter. You're going to like it. Nicolas Cage is always having fun.
Speaker 5:
[15:41] Seems like it.
Speaker 6:
[15:42] Always. And I really like that for him.
Speaker 5:
[15:44] Well, there's a little snippet of an interview where he's talking about Spider-Noir and he's like, I tried to embody what it would be like to be a man who actually was a spider. Like that was his acting choices. I can't wait to see what that looks like.
Speaker 6:
[15:58] I can't wait. That's really fun. That's like the legendary Vin Diesel wearing stilts to be Groot.
Speaker 5:
[16:04] He's like, I'm going to be a tree.
Speaker 6:
[16:07] I wonder if he ever was like at home still, like just on his stilt standing.
Speaker 5:
[16:11] He's just standing in the yard still letting birds land on him.
Speaker 6:
[16:17] I hope. I hope. Speaking of Vin Diesel, are you a roller coaster person?
Speaker 5:
[16:21] I used to be, but I'm not.
Speaker 6:
[16:23] I'm trying to find somebody to go on the Fast and the Furious coaster with me.
Speaker 5:
[16:27] Tess will probably do it.
Speaker 6:
[16:28] Tess probably would do it. The cars are shaped like cars.
Speaker 5:
[16:33] I saw the video, yeah. That's very cool.
Speaker 6:
[16:38] The cars are shaped like cars.
Speaker 5:
[16:41] Maybe I'll watch the video again or find a longer one. Because if I'm not into flips anymore, I don't want to be upside down against my will. I want to control that. I don't want too many twists and turns. Because I just feel like my body is older. I don't want to be whipped around anymore.
Speaker 6:
[17:01] I really do understand that sentiment. And last time I went to Disney, we were all getting on the Incredicoaster. And I was like, I don't know if that's for me. You know what? Who am I? When in Rome, be a Roman. So I got on the Incredicoaster, and I had the time of my life. I couldn't really register when I was upside down or not.
Speaker 4:
[17:24] I was like, I'm outside going really fast. And I really liked it.
Speaker 6:
[17:29] We rode it twice.
Speaker 5:
[17:30] Ooh, that's fun.
Speaker 6:
[17:32] It was a really fun time. I think I'm a coaster head.
Speaker 5:
[17:35] Great.
Speaker 6:
[17:36] And here's the thing about amusement parks. I don't want to be in them. And there is no service for someone to just like pick me up and carry me around the park. I wish there was. Like, here's a big man who lets me get on his back.
Speaker 5:
[17:51] Maybe you can hire somebody. The park won't provide it.
Speaker 6:
[17:56] I don't have to pay for his ticket and everything. What if he's not reliable and starts complaining?
Speaker 5:
[18:01] Yeah. Maybe you should get like a horse.
Speaker 6:
[18:07] Imagine I go to Disney World and I'm like, this is my emotional support horse. I have to ride a horse.
Speaker 5:
[18:15] From coaster to coaster.
Speaker 6:
[18:18] Riding horses is hard. Every time I see someone on a horse, I'm like, how? Because you're supposed to go with it. And every time I would try, I've ridden a horse twice, but every time I try to go with it, my body would do the opposite. So then I would be rising as it would be rising. And then I would slam into the horse. Oh, my goodness.
Speaker 5:
[18:49] Yeah.
Speaker 6:
[18:50] Really rocked me in a way I wasn't expecting.
Speaker 5:
[18:52] I think the only time I rode a horse as an adult was in Iceland. And their horses are wild. Barely domesticated. And so they like, you know, we went to this ranch where you could ride them. And they also like opened the gate for a couple of the horses to come out. And then all of them started coming to the gate. And they're like, no, no, no, no, no. Not all of you, just a couple of you. And then we got on them. And they told us like, you know, like which movements meant what. And I thought I was doing what I was supposed to be doing. But occasionally my horse would just like walk away from the group and be like, nah, I want to go over here. Just like making its own choices. Like, no, I'm going over here now. And like everyone else is doing that too. And I was like, let's go back to the group. And I was like, fine. And then, I don't know, I must have done something, but I really don't think I did. It just started sprinting. It just bolted all of a sudden. I was like holding on for dear life. And like, thankfully, I didn't fall, but I was like, this is way too fast.
Speaker 4:
[19:57] This is crazy.
Speaker 6:
[19:58] That's wild.
Speaker 5:
[19:59] And then it stopped and I was like, all right, let's go back.
Speaker 6:
[20:02] All right, did it, had my fun.
Speaker 5:
[20:04] I was able to run, thank you.
Speaker 6:
[20:06] Maybe that, did you scream at all?
Speaker 5:
[20:08] I don't think I did, because I didn't want to scare it. I also think I was so scared that it like took my breath away.
Speaker 6:
[20:14] I was like. Maybe the horse could like feel your heart beat, and was like, let's get it up.
Speaker 4:
[20:19] Let's get it pumping.
Speaker 5:
[20:21] I think they do sense your energy. So if you're skittish, they get skittish.
Speaker 6:
[20:26] When I met a bunch of horses with the Compton Cowboys, they were like, you've got like a good energy around these horses and they sense it, because they kept coming to me. And one kept motorboating my titties. And one of them got a boner. And he was like, yeah, he likes you.
Speaker 4:
[20:43] I don't know if that was like a bit.
Speaker 6:
[20:46] But I like went home and I was like, oh my God, I give horses boners. Nobody can tell me anything.
Speaker 5:
[20:53] My sexual energy is so powerful that a horse got hard for me.
Speaker 6:
[20:59] Who else can say that?
Speaker 5:
[21:00] Not many people.
Speaker 6:
[21:02] Can't tell me nothing. You don't think I'm cute? This horse over here does. Okay, okay, what other things can you ride?
Speaker 5:
[21:16] Horses, donkeys, camels. I feel like we're not supposed to.
Speaker 6:
[21:31] I also feel like that in Mexico, I tried to ride a camel. And I might have told this story, maybe.
Speaker 5:
[21:39] I don't know if I know this story.
Speaker 6:
[21:41] I feel like I've told it on a podcast. Whatever, if you heard it, sorry. I went to Mexico with a bunch of friends, and we signed up for camel riding. We all checked in. They give you a bracelet, and then she gives me two bracelets, and she puts the second one on, and it's white, and she goes, that one's special. And I said, oh, can we get to the camels? And they're like, all right, you're partners, you're partners, you're partners. And he's like, and you're too fat to ride. And I was like, what? He was like, that's your bracelet?
Speaker 4:
[22:12] And I said, wait.
Speaker 5:
[22:14] They brought you down there to say that to you?
Speaker 4:
[22:16] Yes. Why didn't they just tell you that at the entrance? I don't know.
Speaker 5:
[22:21] And come gather, gather around.
Speaker 6:
[22:22] Gather around, just so you know, you're too large to ride the camel. And I was like, and then my dear friend Nick was very nice. He was like, the more, none of us are riding. And I was like, no, no, no, we're already down here. We paid, I will. And the man goes, hold everyone's stuff.
Speaker 4:
[22:38] And I was like, yep, I'm gonna hold everybody's stuff. And I was like, woo wee.
Speaker 6:
[22:48] It's humbling.
Speaker 5:
[22:49] They really should have told you that at the entrance. But I guess maybe they're like, we do need someone to hold their stuff. Yes.
Speaker 6:
[22:57] And I will say, I guess in Mexico, it's also happened in Mexico. Yeah, we were in Mexico. And we went, there's a zipline.
Speaker 5:
[23:08] Oh yes, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 6:
[23:09] And I was like, am I too fat to ride that zipline? And he looked me up and down and went, meh, meh, I think you should be okay. And I was like, I'm not riding it. I'm not riding it. Then I watched a big tall man get stuck. And then he was laughing at him.
Speaker 4:
[23:21] And I was like, were you trying to set me up?
Speaker 5:
[23:24] That would have been you.
Speaker 4:
[23:25] Yes.
Speaker 5:
[23:25] Yeah.
Speaker 4:
[23:26] And I was like, do Mexicans like seeing fatties stuck? Or sad?
Speaker 5:
[23:34] I mean, maybe it's not the goal. But they're like, if it happens, that's funny.
Speaker 4:
[23:39] It happens.
Speaker 6:
[23:40] Oh, well. But it is funny that both of those incidents happened in Mexico.
Speaker 4:
[23:44] Yeah.
Speaker 6:
[23:44] And guess what? I'll return. I'll come back.
Speaker 4:
[23:47] I'll keep going back. That's nice.
Speaker 6:
[23:50] Where are we? Costa Rica, where we were checking into a hotel and they were like, sisters? And we were like, no. And they went, sisters.
Speaker 5:
[24:00] Sisters.
Speaker 6:
[24:02] Yeah, we're sisters.
Speaker 5:
[24:05] No, we're lovers. Lovers. Yeah, we're sisters. Okay, sisters. Yeah. I mean, in Zimbabwe, when we went to the Victoria Falls, to Devil's Pool, they brought us all the way out to the water. And then, and then we're like, pointed at me, and they're like, you can't swim. So you, you go first? And then I just struggle in front of everybody.
Speaker 6:
[24:36] I know it happened to you, but sometimes watching something happen to someone is like, it's just like a different level, because I was like, I can't believe that man pointed at my friend and said, you are a weak swimmer, you go first. And then watching you doggie paddle against a current with a whole new white family that were my new friends going, oh, I hope she makes it. I was like, I don't think they're going to let her die.
Speaker 5:
[25:06] But they really just wanted me to struggle, because there was another lady who was like, I can't swim, and she got to ride someone's back.
Speaker 6:
[25:16] Because she said she couldn't swim before the excursion.
Speaker 5:
[25:19] But they were like, you have to be a strong swimmer. And she was like, I can swim to save my life.
Speaker 6:
[25:24] Yes, they didn't say strong, and they really should have, because we swim against the current. And then I loved that they were so incredulous after. They were like, so you don't work out or anything?
Speaker 5:
[25:35] No, worse. The guy said, it looks like you work out. So what's the issue?
Speaker 1:
[25:41] He's like, don't you do sports?
Speaker 6:
[25:43] Yeah, that's what it was. Don't you do sports?
Speaker 5:
[25:46] I was like, yoga? They didn't train me for this.
Speaker 6:
[25:50] God, I think about that a lot, that trip where we get back and I tried putting those crocs I had on back and they were like, oh, those aren't ours.
Speaker 4:
[26:02] I took someone's shoes. Someone's trying to go home and there's like, where are my dirty red crocs?
Speaker 5:
[26:09] It's just like, it'd be barefoot.
Speaker 6:
[26:10] Just this lady's doggy paddling with them. That was a lot. It was a lot.
Speaker 5:
[26:16] Very, very fun. But it was very funny.
Speaker 6:
[26:21] When we were in Costa Rica, when we were five kilometers from the soccer field, that was the hotel's address, when we checked in, nobody was like, hey, so we have rooms of different levels. Some of them, you have to descend ten stories, which means when you leave, you're going to have to come up ten stories. And I feel like they should have said that.
Speaker 5:
[26:43] They should have said that.
Speaker 6:
[26:43] Because our room was so far down this mountain, and every morning, I would go, what if I stayed in this room? What if I didn't see Costa Rica at all?
Speaker 5:
[26:54] It's not like they wanted us to see it anyway. We kept being like, where do people hang out?
Speaker 6:
[26:58] Hang out?
Speaker 5:
[26:59] Where do locals go?
Speaker 6:
[26:59] And they're like, home.
Speaker 5:
[27:01] You just go home. And we're like, but it's like Saturday night, where do people go? And they're like, on a Saturday?
Speaker 6:
[27:08] No, we go home.
Speaker 5:
[27:11] But also, maybe they just were gatekeeping, which fair.
Speaker 6:
[27:14] Maybe, because they did end up sending us to a very touristy...
Speaker 5:
[27:18] Was it Flamingos?
Speaker 6:
[27:19] Flamingo?
Speaker 5:
[27:21] I can't remember what the area was called, but it was very touristy.
Speaker 6:
[27:23] Yes, where we ran into people we knew. I was like, this is nuts.
Speaker 5:
[27:28] That was very funny.
Speaker 6:
[27:30] It was fun, but we were like, yeah, we want to party with locals. And they were like, we don't want you. We don't want you at all.
Speaker 5:
[27:38] Party?
Speaker 2:
[27:38] Never heard of it before.
Speaker 6:
[27:40] Nah, we don't know that one either.
Speaker 5:
[27:42] Okay.
Speaker 6:
[27:45] But every morning when we would leave, I would go, just go, leave me. And then I'd huff and puff up those stairs. I'd be taking breaks. The little cleaning ladies would like be waving at me. And I'd be like, I'm doing it. And then I'd get to the top and be like, well, should I go back down?
Speaker 4:
[28:03] I'm tuckered out.
Speaker 6:
[28:05] That's the day. My God.
Speaker 5:
[28:07] Yeah.
Speaker 6:
[28:10] That was that trip. You told me to tell a joke that nobody likes, but it ended up being great. It did end up being great.
Speaker 5:
[28:16] Did it ever get, is it on anything?
Speaker 6:
[28:18] No, no, because I think it's a great joke. And my first special, when they were editing it, they were like, this is such a great piece. Let it be good. Cut that. And I said, all right. So it just lives on my desktop.
Speaker 5:
[28:35] Damn. I just really want the world to see it.
Speaker 6:
[28:40] Let's take a break.
Speaker 5:
[28:46] I am constantly trying to figure out how to make my sleep better. And I didn't realize that the bedding on your bed actually affects your sleep. Like, have you noticed that your sheets keep slipping off the corners lately? Or maybe your pillows don't feel as supportive as they used to. Most people actually keep their bedding way longer than they should. It slowly wears down and you don't realize how much is affecting your sleep until you finally replace it. And most people think they need to replace their mattress, which I have definitely replaced my mattress thinking that was the problem. But the biggest difference usually comes from replacing what touches you every night. That's why I upgraded my bed with bowl and branch. They make everything your bed needs. Their signature organic cotton sheets, pillows, blankets and comforters are all designed to be breathable, incredibly soft and get better over time. Most people start with the signature sheets and a lot of customers buy two sets so they can rotate them. We also added the waffle blanket and now the whole bed just feels amazing. The moment you get into bed, you notice the difference. My bedding was definitely getting smaller, like too small for my bed because the corners really were lifting or it was like hard to make the bed. And I always felt like I was getting too hot on my sheets and I wasn't sure if it was the temperature of the room or the sheets themselves. But I really love that Bowl and Branch uses organic cotton, like you get to actually be able to breathe and feel cool in your bed. And that's ideal for sleeping. Upgrade your sleep with Bowl and Branch. Get 15% off your first order plus free shipping at bowlandbranch.com/bestfriends with code BESTFRIENDS. That's Bowl and Branch bollandbranch.com/bestfriends. And use the code BESTFRIENDS to unlock 15% off. Exclusions apply.
Speaker 6:
[30:37] This episode is brought to you by Alma. A year from today, who do you want to be? What version of yourself would you like to meet? Do you feel less anxious or feel more like yourself? Maybe your relationship is stronger or the grief feels smaller. What if that thing you've been secretly worried about just took up less space in your mind? The right therapist can help you get there. Alma will help you find them. Alma has a directory of 20,000 therapists with different specialties, life experiences, and identities, and 99% of them take insurance. You deserve to feel like that future version of yourself. A year from today isn't that far away. Get started now at helloalma.com/bestfriends. That's helloalma.com/b-e-s-t-f-r-i-e-n-d-s. Support for this podcast is brought to you by Chamberlain University. I have to tell you, anytime I go to the hospital or a clinic, my anxiety is absolutely through the roof. It's just an overwhelming scary place to be. But I feel like we've all experienced meeting an exceptional nurse who walks into the room and changes your day completely. They are so experienced and they know exactly what to say to take the panic out of the room and make a terrifying day feel completely manageable. If you're looking for a new career path or you just want to do a job that truly matters, you cannot help but think, wow, that is exactly the kind of nurse I want to be. Chamberlain University is where you start. Discover your calling at chamberlain.edu. Chamberlain University belong to something greater certified to operate by Chev. Ooh wee, what a treat of a break.
Speaker 5:
[32:27] Whoa, this is a treat.
Speaker 6:
[32:28] Mm, mm mm mm, we really broke. Are there any jokes that you love that you're like, I just can't make them work, the audience does not like them?
Speaker 5:
[32:41] Yeah, actually as I've been combing through old material to see if I can revamp anything, there are jokes where I was like, oh man, I really loved that, but I didn't do anything with it. And there's one that is an act out, which I did, I used to do so many act outs on stage, and now I'm like, damn, I do not have the stamina. I do not have the stamina. It's a lot, but it was about riding the subway train, and this happened in real life. The announcements, like the automated announcements that go off were like going on repeat and on loop, and it was like, ladies and gentlemen, if you see something, say something. Ladies and gentlemen, if a pregnant or elderly person needs a seat, please give them your seat. Ladies and gentlemen, I don't know what the third one was, but like, and then they repeated, and then they would get chopped up and interrupt. So it was like clearly a glitch was happening, and everyone was kind of like, what is happening? Like, everyone was noticing it, and so I wrote a joke from the perspective of the conductor, and they were somebody who like went through something really traumatic on the train, and they're like pressing this button, being like, just get up, just get out of your seat.
Speaker 4:
[33:52] And you see an old person, god damn it.
Speaker 5:
[33:56] And I just kept going, and it was like fun for me, but I have no idea if the audience actually liked what was happening.
Speaker 6:
[34:05] That's really funny.
Speaker 4:
[34:07] That's really funny.
Speaker 6:
[34:09] I was, I think I had done like three shows leading up to doing two shows at the Wilbur in Boston. I love the Wilbur. The late show, I actually lost my mind. Was like lost in the sauce, was having such a good time. I started doing this like weird little dance. I can't remember at what point in my act, it was like I was doing this dance. And then I do the little dance and then like throw my head back and cackle.
Speaker 4:
[34:37] Like knees laughing.
Speaker 6:
[34:40] Then I would call it back.
Speaker 4:
[34:41] And the third time I called it back, I was like, wait, do you guys even like this? And then I couldn't stop laughing because I was like, I was like, I should be concerned about all of you. You paid.
Speaker 5:
[34:54] But I'm having a great time.
Speaker 4:
[34:55] I'm having such a nice time.
Speaker 6:
[34:57] And then I said, if you have friends who are at the first show, talk to them because they didn't get this show.
Speaker 4:
[35:03] This show is different.
Speaker 6:
[35:05] Nobody will ever get this show. That is really funny. Oh man. Yeah, sometimes I'm on stage having the time of my life and I have to remember, like, whoa, what about the people who paid?
Speaker 5:
[35:20] But I think, I also feel like if you're having fun on stage, the audience is having fun. Like, you just can't, like it's infectious. You can't help but also be like, this is a great time. I have no idea what's happening, but I'm having a blast.
Speaker 6:
[35:34] There was one comedian whose name I'll tell you after. He would tell a joke and he'd be like, oh, yeah.
Speaker 5:
[35:43] And.
Speaker 6:
[35:47] And Sasheer, I was guffawing. I was scream laughing because it made me laugh. The audience hated it. Cause it would be like the setup, like his joke and then.
Speaker 5:
[36:01] Yes.
Speaker 4:
[36:05] For 45 minutes. And I, I'm like crying now.
Speaker 6:
[36:10] It was so funny and the crowd hated it.
Speaker 4:
[36:14] No.
Speaker 6:
[36:16] And sometimes those are my favorite shows. I remember I did a college show with Kevin Burnett and Jermaine Fowler and me. There's the three of us. And Kevin went first and bombed. And the way Jermaine was laughing at the bomb made me laugh. We were the oh. And it was in this like weird, like cafeteria-esque thing where there was a balcony and everyone was below. So people were just turning and like looking up at us, just dying. And then looking back at Kevin and being like, I don't understand, well, what are they laughing? This we don't. And then Jermaine proceeded to bomb super. So me and Kevin were up there laughing so hard.
Speaker 4:
[36:56] And then I bombed and then they were laughing at me. And I got to the point where we were just talking to one another and we were like, did you think that one was good? I think I thought it was good.
Speaker 5:
[37:06] It works everywhere else.
Speaker 6:
[37:08] And like Jermaine would be like, yeah, yeah, no, it's good.
Speaker 4:
[37:10] You can add on to it, I wish I could remember what school it was.
Speaker 6:
[37:17] It was one of my favorite shows. And it's like it shouldn't be. It went so poorly, like children not smiling, not smiling. Like I took away Christmas from them.
Speaker 5:
[37:29] They were like, oh, no, mad at us. Oh, no.
Speaker 6:
[37:34] One of my favorite shows I've ever done.
Speaker 5:
[37:35] Yeah, those college shows are wacky. One time I did a show where they had a buffet line right outside the door of the auditorium. Also, I had no opener and the person just brought me up. Like some student was like, Sasheer Zamata. And I was like, oh, okay. And then I just walked on stage and people are filing in holding plates of like macaroni and cheese and chicken as they're, and they're like, I was like, am I supposed to even be on? Like, do you want them to eat before I start? It's a mess.
Speaker 6:
[38:12] That's really, really funny. I once did it, you know that picture of me where I'm sitting in a chair, where I'll never forget it. That was taken in a lecture hall where they made me do stand up.
Speaker 4:
[38:28] Like it was just like, the campus students, welcome Nicole Byer.
Speaker 6:
[38:32] And then I just like came in from a door like a teacher and then had a podium.
Speaker 4:
[38:38] They didn't have a cordless mic. So I did stand up from behind a podium.
Speaker 6:
[38:44] I can't remember, there was something I didn't. I was like, oh well you couldn't see my feet during that.
Speaker 4:
[38:50] Because I'm behind a podium.
Speaker 6:
[38:52] I'm behind a podium.
Speaker 5:
[38:53] Like a teacher.
Speaker 6:
[38:54] I couldn't, like some colleges, you never put a show together, you're like, I don't know what the comic needs. But it's definitely not a podium. It's definitely not a podium. And it was a lecture room. I could see every single person's face. It was so wild.
Speaker 5:
[39:13] Yeah, I don't know. I guess, yes, no, like not everyone, obviously these students probably have not run comedy shows. And then whatever adult liaison who was also in charge of this may not know how to run a show either. But I ran really great shows in college. And I don't know what, like, I mean, I was in theater, so I guess I did learn about lighting and stage management. So I did have training, okay. But like, yeah, I could definitely be like, this audience is too bright. We need to darken the room. They need a mic that they can walk around with. But like, but yeah, it's just very, very little things.
Speaker 2:
[39:56] Just little things.
Speaker 5:
[39:58] Also, everyone's writer tells them exactly what they need.
Speaker 6:
[40:01] But my writer doesn't. I believe the only thing in my writer is Welsh's fruit snacks, makeup wipes, and tampons.
Speaker 5:
[40:10] I think I do ask for a wireless mic. And one time, I went somewhere and they're like, here's your 757 British da-da-da-da mic. And I was like, what? They're like, you asked for this. I was like, I have no idea what you're talking about.
Speaker 6:
[40:27] That's really funny.
Speaker 5:
[40:29] I guess my agent put it in the writer and I was like, oh, we don't, it didn't have to be all that. I don't even know what that, I don't know brands of mics.
Speaker 6:
[40:35] That's really funny. And they're like, she didn't like the British mic mic. We imported it.
Speaker 5:
[40:42] We flew this in special.
Speaker 4:
[40:44] It got here this morning. We overnighted it.
Speaker 5:
[40:46] I'm like, blah.
Speaker 6:
[40:48] You throw it.
Speaker 4:
[40:49] Don't eat this shit.
Speaker 6:
[40:51] I'll just talk from my diaphragm.
Speaker 5:
[40:54] They're like, blah.
Speaker 6:
[40:57] God, that's so funny. I know I've talked about this. Maybe I'm why won't you date me? It was a show in, I think, Missouri or Minnesota. It was one of the middle M's. And they did not tell me it was Friends and Family Weekend and that there was content restrictions. And in the middle of like, my pussy, I heard a baby go, and I was like, wait, there's babies here? And then someone in the crowd was like, it's Friends and Family Weekend. And I was like, oh no.
Speaker 5:
[41:27] Didn't know.
Speaker 6:
[41:27] Then the school sent out an email on my behalf apologizing.
Speaker 5:
[41:33] They apologized for you?
Speaker 6:
[41:34] Yes, which is rude, because I don't apologize. Yeah, it's like, I didn't know.
Speaker 5:
[41:38] You didn't sign up on that.
Speaker 6:
[41:39] No, had I known, they would have gotten a tight 40 minute set.
Speaker 3:
[41:44] Yeah.
Speaker 6:
[41:45] With hee hee ha ha's in the middle of every joke to fill the time.
Speaker 5:
[41:47] Which is also weird because it's like, if anyone who was on the booking staff had seen your material, they should know, maybe the booking staff were on a different weekend.
Speaker 6:
[41:55] Yes.
Speaker 3:
[41:56] Yeah.
Speaker 6:
[41:57] It was really wild. I couldn't believe it.
Speaker 5:
[41:59] Also, sometimes I've been to colleges where they were like, don't talk about this, and now that's all I can think about. I did an improv show. I don't remember if you were there, but there was a death.
Speaker 6:
[42:14] Yes.
Speaker 5:
[42:15] And they're like, we had a recent death here, so make sure you don't talk about death. Which is like, I mean, death, death is all around us. Like, we shouldn't avoid talking about death. But then, that's now all I can think of. Yeah. But I can't remember if we, we probably skirted it. I don't know if we actually touched on it or not, but it was just like, it's hard to be like, actively like, don't talk about that thing. Don't talk about that thing.
Speaker 6:
[42:45] Because then you really, really want to. I did a show at Notre Dame, and they're like, please don't talk about the Catholic Church.
Speaker 5:
[42:50] And I was like, why wouldn't I? I won't. It wasn't going to come up before.
Speaker 6:
[42:54] I don't have a single joke about that. I don't know.
Speaker 5:
[42:57] That means someone did and eviscerated it. Uh-huh.
Speaker 6:
[43:00] And it went poorly.
Speaker 5:
[43:01] Yeah.
Speaker 6:
[43:03] I did a show, an improv show, where the monologist got a suggestion that had nothing to do with death, and then talked about suicide. And then we did a scene as like the Z morning zoo, like a morning radio, like disc jockeys, like joking around about death. And then a woman ran out of the theater sobbing. And then the monologist got up and followed her. And we were like, what's happening? We get backstage at the half and the monologist goes, that was my daughter. Her friend recently killed themselves. And we were like, then why did you tell that story? He was a very interesting man. I was like, what? So we unknowingly triggered this poor woman. It was a funny scene though.
Speaker 5:
[43:59] And that monologist knowingly did it.
Speaker 6:
[44:01] Yes. We should take another break.
Speaker 5:
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Roe offers the lowest cost GLP-1s, whether you're using insurance or paying cash. After your first online visit, if you're eligible for treatment, you can expect to start your medication in less than a week if paying cash, or about two weeks if using insurance. I trust this source because it's FDA-approved and we like things that make people feel confident and are good for their health. Go to row.co/bestfriends to see if you're eligible for the new GLP-1 pill on row. That's r-o dot c-o slash best friends to get started on row. Go to row.co/safety, row.co/safety, for boxed warning and full safety information about GLP-1 medications based on study and non-diabetics with obesity or overweight plus a weight-related condition with diet and exercise. I've been doing a little spring reset with my closet lately, and I'm focusing more on quality over quantity. I already have a very packed closet, so anything I buy has to be one of the essentials. And building a wardrobe of pieces that are well-made, versatile, and easy to reach for every day, that's why I keep going back to Quince. The fabrics feel elevated, the fits are thoughtful, and the pricing actually makes sense. Quince makes beautiful everyday pieces using premium materials like 100% European linen, organic cotton, and super soft denim, with styles starting around $50. Their spring pieces are lightweight, breathable, and effortless. The kind of thing that you can throw on and instantly look put together. And that same focus on materials carries over into their accessories, like their leather bags, which are made from 100% hand-woven Italian leather and honestly look way more expensive than they are. Quince works directly with ethical factories and cuts out the middlemen. So you're paying for quality, not brand markup. Quince is great because I need a bunch of basics that I can put with the things I already have. Like, I got this cotton long-sleeve white top from them that I can wear under overalls, under a blazer, under a jacket. It's just like so versatile and so essential. And I love that they use quality fabrics. Like, I'm really trying to lean into my coastal grandma era with all the linen in my closet. And they have 100% linen. And I love that. Refresh your spring wardrobe with Quince. Go to quince.com/bestfriends for free shipping and 365-day returns. Now available in Canada too. Go to quince.com, quince.com/bestfriends for free shipping and 365-day returns. quince.com/bestfriends. Wow, what a yummy break. Yeah.
Speaker 4:
[49:57] What a nasty little noise.
Speaker 5:
[49:58] That was a nasty little noise.
Speaker 6:
[50:00] What's it called when your ears don't like sounds?
Speaker 5:
[50:03] There is a name for it.
Speaker 1:
[50:05] Like, misophonia.
Speaker 6:
[50:06] Ah, I wonder if I triggered someone's misophonia, and I'm really sorry if I did.
Speaker 5:
[50:11] Nice apology.
Speaker 6:
[50:12] Hey, thanks. I did like, actually, it was like, oh man, maybe I shouldn't do that. I love doing tiny little noises into the mic.
Speaker 5:
[50:21] There are some shows where people fully eat, and I'm like, that's crazy to me.
Speaker 6:
[50:26] I once had an interview, it was my friend Anne on Why Won't You Date Me, and Anne was like, can I just eat my salad? And I was like, no.
Speaker 5:
[50:33] It's gonna be horrible.
Speaker 6:
[50:34] Can we just eat my salad? And I was like, please don't.
Speaker 5:
[50:36] It's gonna be so horrible for the audience.
Speaker 6:
[50:39] Yeah, it's just munch, munch, munch, no, girl. I was like, a couple bites, and then you have to stop and let me know if you want more, and we'll pause it.
Speaker 5:
[50:48] I don't know if I have misophonia, but if people chew with their mouth open, it does really hurt my ears. Yeah.
Speaker 6:
[50:56] I don't know if I can clock someone chewing with their mouth open unless I'm looking at them. And when I'm looking at them and the food is doing, and I can see it, I'm like, ah.
Speaker 5:
[51:07] Yeah, I mean, that's also not good to look at. No, but if I'm not looking at you, I can't hear it. Wow. Because it's like, yeah, it's, you can hear it. It's wet.
Speaker 2:
[51:21] It's like loud.
Speaker 1:
[51:23] I don't like it.
Speaker 6:
[51:25] I don't think I like it either. The way you're just, your face is really changed.
Speaker 5:
[51:28] It's like, I don't, it makes me cringe. It's like, I don't love it. I was dating a person who had a real problem with closing his mouth when he was chewing. And I really loved him, but he just like, that was just a thing he could not fix. And I told him, I was like, it actually pains me to hear this. Like, I cannot take this. And he loved chewing gum. And he was like, no, I promise I can do it. And he can't, and he couldn't. And I was like, just know yourself. Like, it's like, do it when I'm not here.
Speaker 6:
[51:58] Don't chew gum when I'm home.
Speaker 5:
[51:59] And then he would chew gum, and I'd be like, ah!
Speaker 6:
[52:03] That is interesting. Because how do you practice? I don't know, I just chew with my mouth closed. I don't feel like it was like a lesson I got.
Speaker 5:
[52:13] I was told for sure, like as an etiquette thing, like make sure you chew with your mouth closed. I don't know if I was ever actually chewing my mouth open that it needed to be fixed or just preemptively just like make sure to chew with your mouth closed. But maybe if no one ever told you, I don't know. Or maybe like some people just naturally have a mouth that wants to stay open. I don't know.
Speaker 6:
[52:35] Because he has a mouth that just naturally wants to say, I want to see the sun.
Speaker 5:
[52:43] The tongue is like, let me out.
Speaker 4:
[52:45] Come on, come on.
Speaker 6:
[52:50] So I know an etiquette thing is like cutting up your food. I can't be bothered. I don't cut neatly. Like I'll cut something and it won't be cut to the core. So I'm like, and then I start ripping it with my fork. I'm sure an etiquette person would be like, you're not a lady. And I don't know why that etiquette person was from England.
Speaker 5:
[53:09] They usually are.
Speaker 6:
[53:10] It feels like it. Right? Because in The Princess Diaries, wasn't he from England who whipped her up?
Speaker 5:
[53:16] Who whipped her up?
Speaker 4:
[53:18] Isn't there a man who whips her up?
Speaker 5:
[53:20] I thought it was Julie Andrews.
Speaker 6:
[53:22] In The Princess Diaries? She's the queen of Geneva.
Speaker 5:
[53:26] Oh, but there was like a helper, right?
Speaker 6:
[53:27] Yeah. Isn't there a man? Yeah.
Speaker 1:
[53:29] I think he's...
Speaker 6:
[53:30] Hector? Yeah. That's the actor's name, I believe.
Speaker 1:
[53:34] I don't know.
Speaker 6:
[53:35] It's really strange when I have pieces of information that I'm like, I think they're right. But I'm like, I feel crazy because I'm like, nobody else knows.
Speaker 5:
[53:43] But I just... You remember really specific parts of movies. Yes. And I don't.
Speaker 1:
[53:48] Oh, his name was Paolo.
Speaker 6:
[53:50] Paolo. What's the actor's name?
Speaker 1:
[53:51] Larry Miller.
Speaker 5:
[53:52] Not Hector.
Speaker 4:
[53:55] Not Hector at all. Who's Hector?
Speaker 7:
[53:57] I don't know.
Speaker 6:
[53:59] Is there a man in Pretty Woman named Hector?
Speaker 1:
[54:02] Well, that guy is in Pretty Woman. No, it's the same guy.
Speaker 6:
[54:05] Who's Hector, then?
Speaker 1:
[54:08] Oh, that's the driver, Joe. You're right. You're right.
Speaker 5:
[54:12] Okay, so someone is Hector. There's a guy named Hector.
Speaker 3:
[54:14] He's just the driver.
Speaker 1:
[54:15] Okay.
Speaker 5:
[54:16] Hector is the actor's name or the?
Speaker 1:
[54:18] Yeah.
Speaker 5:
[54:18] Okay, cool. Yeah. So you were remembering the driver of Pretty Woman?
Speaker 6:
[54:29] I guess so.
Speaker 4:
[54:30] Why do you know the actor's name? I don't know.
Speaker 1:
[54:33] He was the driver in Princess Diaries, and then in Pretty Woman, he's...
Speaker 6:
[54:40] He works at the hotel.
Speaker 1:
[54:40] Yes, he works at the hotel. He's like the guy.
Speaker 6:
[54:43] I remember Blue Collar Workers.
Speaker 4:
[54:46] In movies. That is wild that I remember that.
Speaker 6:
[54:51] Really funny. The mind is a prison.
Speaker 5:
[54:56] Should we answer some questions? Yes.
Speaker 1:
[54:58] Hi, Nicole and Sasheer. Thank you for being you. I love the podcast and seeing a new episode every week brings me so much joy. I'd really love your input on this one as it's left me feeling kind of weird. My husband and I are good friends with another couple. I was a former coworker with Sammy and her partner, and my husband occasionally play Magic the Gathering together. I had invited them to our wedding. They came and we had a great time. Sammy and her partner are getting married this October, and she's been telling me all about the wedding planning. I almost just assumed we'd be invited. However, they have a strict guest list of 60 people, so they're reserving the spots for family and close friends from childhood. She said we wouldn't make the cut unless people decline. Then she'll extend an invite. It hurts my feelings that I'm essentially on the B list. We live in Boston and she said that they are inviting friends from Boston, but only really close childhood ones. What do you make of this situation? Is she not as close of a friend as I thought she was? We've been friends for almost four years. Would love your advice. I don't have a lot of friends I never had, and so I occasionally feel insecure when I do have a solid friendship. Love you, ladies.
Speaker 6:
[56:11] I think it sucks and it might sting, but I think because this is something I'm working on. I'm not the main character in someone else's story. They have a strict list of 60 people. They thought of the 60 people that they can have. They would like you there, so people decline, then you get to be included. I don't think of it as a B list. It's like friends and family that have really influenced my life for more than four years.
Speaker 4:
[56:39] Yeah.
Speaker 6:
[56:41] You are friends, she is, or your friend is thinking of you and gave you the full scope of things, so you could understand why you're not invited. And I think it's okay to be like, it kind of hurts my feelings, but on the flip side, maybe it was really painful for her to be like, oh, here are the friends I can't have, and this sucks. Like maybe she is feeling some type of way, and maybe she hopes that like great aunt Denise can't come, you know, so she can invite the person that she likes that she met four years ago.
Speaker 4:
[57:09] Yeah.
Speaker 6:
[57:11] Yeah.
Speaker 5:
[57:11] Also, it's like pretty amazing that she even told you this. How awful would it have been if you just didn't get an invite? That happens to a lot of people, actually, where they are like, oh, wait, that's so weird. I didn't even know you were getting married, but I thought we were friends. Like, you know, she knew that you were friends enough that you would be expecting an invite, and she's giving you the rundown of like, well, we only have this many people, and 60 is a very small number. So that's like, I don't know how they split it, but like about 30 for each person. And that's a lot of people that you have in your life.
Speaker 6:
[57:45] I think they did 40-20.
Speaker 5:
[57:49] Let's guess we probably did 40-20. Which way, which way?
Speaker 6:
[57:52] Definitely the bride got 40, he got 20.
Speaker 5:
[57:54] Yeah, that makes sense.
Speaker 6:
[57:56] I'm sorry if I interrupted you, because I was like, I gotta tell a joke.
Speaker 5:
[58:00] Yeah, I like that. But yeah, and then yeah, you have the family, and who knows what situation is going on with the family. Maybe the mom's like, I need all of my sisters to be there, and all of their kids, and da-da-da. You know, like maybe there's needs that are outside of their control. And that's that. So yeah, I think it's wonderful that your friend even told you this and gave you this couple of what's happening, and that you could be going. There might be a chance that someone can't make it. Maybe someone can't actually leave their job that weekend, or get childcare that weekend, and then you can come, and that would be wonderful. But if you don't end up going, maybe you can do something that's like for you guys. Be like, we'll have a special marriage-themed magic the gathering game.
Speaker 6:
[58:50] Sasheer, that was what I was gonna say next.
Speaker 4:
[58:52] Nice.
Speaker 6:
[58:52] But if you don't get to go to the wedding, be like, can I throw you like a Chili's wedding where you wear like an iteration of white, and I don't know, we marry you to the triple dipper. I don't know, I didn't think it all the way out, but I want to.
Speaker 4:
[59:08] Do you want a Chili's wedding?
Speaker 6:
[59:09] Yeah.
Speaker 4:
[59:11] I want to marry some Southwest Germans. Give me a triple dipper.
Speaker 6:
[59:15] But like I think you could do fun things like that. Yeah.
Speaker 5:
[59:18] Yeah. Just make it like intimate. Because I'm also sure like weddings are so stressful and like you have to like cater to so many different people. It might be nice for her to do something with her friends outside of that. That's like, okay, great. And now we get to do whatever we want to do to celebrate you guys in your union. That's not like with everybody else.
Speaker 6:
[59:40] And if you're in like a friend group of like all these people who met like four years ago, maybe those people are also not invited. Maybe you can be her like wedding fairies where you like help her get ready with the bridesmaids. You deliver the mimosas. You like just so you could be a part of it. Like you're not taking up space in a way that's not helpful, but like you're there supporting even though you can't go to the actual ceremony.
Speaker 5:
[60:06] I think that's cute.
Speaker 6:
[60:07] Right?
Speaker 5:
[60:07] Yeah.
Speaker 6:
[60:08] I just came up with it.
Speaker 5:
[60:09] I like it.
Speaker 4:
[60:09] Yeah, the wedding fairies.
Speaker 5:
[60:10] The wedding fairies.
Speaker 1:
[60:17] This is called Best Friend Married My Enemy. Hi, Nicole and Sasheer and everyone else that helps out with the pod. Side note, it's one of my favorites. So backstory. My best friend and I have been best friends since high school. We're both 31 now. We literally do everything together. And on my side, at least, our relationship is a little codependent. We talk on the phone every day and hang out as much as we can. She's been married to her now husband for the past four-ish years. When they were dating, I did not see any red flags. But after spending more time with them as a couple and him individually, I've seen things that I really hate and don't think that they have a healthy relationship. In my opinion, he micromanages her with money and what she does during her free time and makes her feel bad about some of her life choices. She enjoys a drink to have fun and he's basically sober. When we do talk about this, I get the vibe that she thinks the same way. But I also understand that they have a relationship that I do not see and that there's probably more to their relationship that is full of kind, good things that cancel out the shitty things that he does. In the past, I would air out my feelings about him to my best friend but realized that that was hurting our relationship. So I bite my tongue whenever she tells me a story that irks my nerves. Recently, I've noticed a lot of sly or sneaky comments that her husband has made about me. Should I be upset at my best friend for letting these comments slide? I assume she hears them and notices when he makes rude comments towards me but she says nothing in the moment. Also, how do I manage these comments from him while also being friends with her? I've already made it clear that I do not like him and I probably never will like him. For the most part, I don't interact with him, but every so often, she invites him to events or nights out. I want to stay friends with her but it literally takes everything out of me to keep my mouth shut when he treats me or her in a rude way. Thanks for any advice, keeping the best podcasters to ever live.
Speaker 5:
[62:14] Oh gosh.
Speaker 6:
[62:15] Yeah, that sucks.
Speaker 5:
[62:15] I got to know what these comments are. I wish we had an example.
Speaker 6:
[62:20] Yeah, I feel like, okay, I'll just make up an example. He's like, oh, another drink. I think he'd be like, yes, I'm going to have another drink. Thank you so much for being worried about my intake but I think I got a handle on it. I feel like to combat people who have snarky comments, you just have to address it, not with meanness, be like, yeah, I'm having another drink, what of it? It's like, thank you so much for watching and take I think I'm okay.
Speaker 3:
[62:48] Yeah.
Speaker 5:
[62:49] Cool.
Speaker 6:
[62:50] I mean, I think that's how you would get around that.
Speaker 3:
[62:54] Yeah.
Speaker 6:
[62:54] It does suck that you have to be on the defense hanging out with your friend.
Speaker 5:
[62:58] It does suck. I really wish we had an example. Cause also, if you've already made up in your mind that you hate this person, sometimes that can color things that are happening in front of you and it's possible these comments aren't intended to be mean and maybe your perception of it is mean because you've already made up this version of who he is in your head and like you, the way you see him treating his wife, your friend, you've already painted that negatively too. So maybe you feel like all feels like the same thing.
Speaker 6:
[63:32] Yes. And the friend complaining about her husband might just be little complaints. Not like, oh, she has the same thoughts that I do. She's just complaining about this person that she loves. I do hate them. So like you are reading that complaint as like a sisterhood of hate in this man. But it's like, no, she goes home and sleeps with that man.
Speaker 5:
[63:51] Yeah. She might like where she is.
Speaker 6:
[63:53] Yeah.
Speaker 5:
[63:54] Yeah. So it's really hard to tell. And it also is hard to have a friendship with somebody if you genuinely hate their partner. Like, because they're that they're there.
Speaker 6:
[64:10] Yes.
Speaker 5:
[64:10] That they are a part of that person's life. And it's not like you're going to get much of her without him. So you kind of have to like, unless it's like a situation where it's like he is actively rude to you and like this is a situation where he spits on you, throws you down the stairs.
Speaker 6:
[64:32] Call the police.
Speaker 5:
[64:33] Yeah, actually, we need the authorities here. Yeah, if it's just like he's annoying or like just not your cup of tea, that's not a crime. Like that is tolerable. You can like coexist in the same space. But yeah, I think you just have to decide for yourself, is it something where it's like so much was like, I like actually can't be around this person or like my time is so unpleasant around them? Like, I guess then you have to decide, is it worth it?
Speaker 6:
[65:07] I think, yeah, I think you just got to, if you do want to spend time with this person and their partner, I think you got to like find things you do like about them and like focus on that. Like if you have something in common, like bring that up in the conversation. But I do think it's like, I really do wish we had an example of a comment that this person has made, because I think you can turn a lot of negative into a positive. Here, say a negative comment to me.
Speaker 5:
[65:38] Um, wow, it looks like you bought another purse.
Speaker 4:
[65:46] I love purses.
Speaker 5:
[65:49] Oh, no. Oh, that manic energy.
Speaker 4:
[65:54] I know. Okay, do it again. Okay.
Speaker 5:
[65:56] Um, wow, that's your seventh drink of the night.
Speaker 6:
[66:04] I'm sick. No, okay.
Speaker 4:
[66:09] I thought you were going to say the purse thing.
Speaker 5:
[66:10] Oh, I'll say it again.
Speaker 6:
[66:11] No, no, no, no, because she won't know what's coming.
Speaker 5:
[66:13] So yeah, it should be.
Speaker 6:
[66:14] You got to think of a third one.
Speaker 4:
[66:16] Okay. Okay.
Speaker 5:
[66:16] Um, uh, uh, um, wow. Lose your iron.
Speaker 4:
[66:26] Oh, my goodness. That's funny.
Speaker 6:
[66:29] I actually don't own an iron.
Speaker 4:
[66:30] Ah, I'm rumpled still skin.
Speaker 6:
[66:32] Get it?
Speaker 4:
[66:33] I'm rumpled.
Speaker 5:
[66:35] Hey, that's hilarious.
Speaker 4:
[66:37] I like this girl.
Speaker 6:
[66:37] And then you start making out.
Speaker 4:
[66:39] Get out of here, wife. I hate you.
Speaker 6:
[66:42] Yeah, I think it's maybe trying to find. I did a really poor job. I'm trying to explain what I mean, but like it might just be trying to find the levity in it.
Speaker 4:
[66:52] Yeah.
Speaker 6:
[66:53] Because also, again, you're not the main character. This man might not know how to interact with you.
Speaker 5:
[66:58] Yeah.
Speaker 6:
[66:58] He might not know how to interact just in public.
Speaker 5:
[67:01] He maybe was socialized poorly. Yeah.
Speaker 6:
[67:03] We don't know.
Speaker 5:
[67:04] We don't know. Also, maybe like, I don't know what all the hangs are, but if he's sober, maybe the hangs don't be at bars, you know? Yes. Not necessarily to cater to him, but if you feel weird about drinking around him or feel like he's going to monitor your friends drinking, maybe you two drink away from the husband. Maybe you guys do a different, let me go bowling or batting cages.
Speaker 6:
[67:35] Yeah.
Speaker 5:
[67:37] There's so many activities that you can do that don't require sitting down at a table eating and drinking and talking because sometimes that's not the best combo for a hang.
Speaker 6:
[67:46] Yes, because we don't know his reason for being sober. Maybe he's sober because he used to drink or maybe he just doesn't like alcohol. So it's not catering too, but it's like I don't like certain types of food, so I'm not going to go to that restaurant. And if someone invited me, maybe I'd be a little like meh, going and like a little, just like for me here.
Speaker 5:
[68:08] Yeah, it's just being considerate of everybody who's in the hang, so.
Speaker 6:
[68:13] Yes.
Speaker 5:
[68:13] And maybe an activity can be more conducive to like fun than like let's all sit down and talk.
Speaker 6:
[68:19] Yes, but on the flip side, if this person is saying actual harsh negative things to you, I do think that's a conversation that you have to have with both of them. Like, because if you have the conversation with your friend, that won't feel good for him. He'll be like, oh, so you guys talk about me behind my back. But I think it's like you got to sit both of them down and be like, hey, or just talk to him and be like, hey, I really don't like when you said X, Y, and Z. It made me feel bad.
Speaker 5:
[68:45] Yeah.
Speaker 6:
[68:46] So like, can we just like keep it to like no harsh comments or like commentary about stuff? Otherwise, like, I really love hanging out with you. But like, it's just sometimes you really like get under my skin when you say stuff like that.
Speaker 5:
[68:58] Or you can ask clarifying questions too.
Speaker 6:
[69:00] Oh, yeah.
Speaker 5:
[69:00] Like, oh, that thing you said, did you mean this? Or like, I interpreted it like this, but I'm not sure if that's what you meant. And maybe you'd be like, whoa, I didn't know that came off that way. Or I actually did mean it like that.
Speaker 4:
[69:12] You fucking bitch.
Speaker 5:
[69:15] I said what I said and I meant it. But yeah, I also feel like asking a question might help both of you, because maybe he doesn't realize how it's coming off. Or maybe he meant something completely different. And it's like, whoa, I guess I interpreted it differently. Yeah.
Speaker 4:
[69:32] Solved!
Speaker 6:
[69:34] If you have questions or queries, we have an email address, nicoleandsasheeratjamell.com.
Speaker 5:
[69:38] And we have a phone number that you can text, leave a voice message at, or a voicemail.
Speaker 1:
[69:42] It is 323-238-6554.
Speaker 6:
[69:46] All right. Well, we did it. Another one slammed in the can.
Speaker 5:
[69:51] Another one bites the dust.
Speaker 6:
[69:52] Another one eats the dirt.
Speaker 5:
[69:54] Another one goes to space.
Speaker 6:
[69:56] Another one's teeth click.
Speaker 4:
[69:58] Goodbye.
Speaker 6:
[70:01] Best Friends is a production of Headgum Studios.
Speaker 5:
[70:03] Our producer is Allie Kahan.
Speaker 6:
[70:05] Our executive producer is Anya Kanevskaya.
Speaker 5:
[70:08] The show is edited, mixed and engineered by Richelle Chen.
Speaker 8:
[70:17] Hi, I am Mandy Moore.
Speaker 6:
[70:19] Sterling K. Brown.
Speaker 3:
[70:20] And I'm Chris Sullivan. And we host the podcast That Was Us, now on Headgum.
Speaker 8:
[70:25] Each episode, we're gonna go into a deep dive from our show This Is Us. We're gonna go episode by episode. We're also gonna pepper in episodes with different guest stars and writers and casting directors. Are we gonna cry?
Speaker 7:
[70:39] Yes. Little bit.
Speaker 3:
[70:40] Are we gonna laugh? Often.
Speaker 7:
[70:41] A lot. A whole lot. That's what I'm hoping, man. Listen to That Was Us on your favorite podcast app or watch full video episodes on YouTube or Spotify. New episodes every Tuesday.