transcript

Speaker 1:
[00:01] This is a Headgum Podcast.

Speaker 2:
[00:05] Hacks is back for its fifth and final season, and so is the Hacks Podcast. Join the Hacks creators and showrunners, Lucia and Yellow, Paul W. Downs, and Jen Statsky as they unpack the Emmy-winning comedy series. On each episode, hear stories from the set, what goes on in the writer's room, and how these beloved characters close out their final season.

Speaker 1:
[00:27] Watch Hacks streaming exclusively on HBO Max and listen to the Hacks Podcast on HBO Max or wherever you get your podcasts.

Speaker 3:
[01:08] All right, so is this your first salami-making class?

Speaker 4:
[01:15] Yes, first ever.

Speaker 3:
[01:17] Oh, okay, great. And I never wanna assume, but what is your relationship? Or are you celebrating something?

Speaker 5:
[01:27] We are, Deborah, do you wanna say?

Speaker 4:
[01:30] Podcast co-hosts? Podcast co-hosts, we're podcast co-hosts avoiding our third co-host.

Speaker 3:
[01:36] Got it. Oh, okay, we actually get a lot of that here. Yeah, so that's totally normal, totally fine.

Speaker 4:
[01:44] We're celebrating not having to hang out with him today.

Speaker 3:
[01:47] That's perfectly acceptable. And this is yours, you said it's your first kind of salami making class. Do you have any relevant experience that you might need just to let me know of so I can get an engaged skill level?

Speaker 5:
[01:59] Well, I was a bit of a ham in college, I was in the theater program, but-

Speaker 3:
[02:02] That's very funny.

Speaker 4:
[02:03] He was the ham in college, he was funny in college. He's funny now too.

Speaker 3:
[02:06] Okay. So just funny and want to be the center of attention.

Speaker 4:
[02:12] This was the cheapest Groupon, so that's why we're here.

Speaker 3:
[02:15] Oh, you use the Groupon?

Speaker 4:
[02:16] Yes.

Speaker 3:
[02:17] Okay. I am being a little too nice to you. That's okay. You know what? It doesn't matter. Yeah. So what meats did you bring?

Speaker 5:
[02:27] Well, I thought we were making salami.

Speaker 3:
[02:29] Out of what, motherfucker?

Speaker 6:
[02:31] Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

Speaker 4:
[02:33] Do not give us a Groupon experience.

Speaker 3:
[02:36] I'm sorry. I didn't. I was doing the nice one, and you said you used a Groupon. You came to a salami making class, and you didn't bring any meats with you?

Speaker 5:
[02:43] You know what, buddy? If you keep this up, I'm going to go through this whole eight-hour class, and then at the end, call Groupon and demand a refund.

Speaker 4:
[02:53] You keep this up? Unbelievable. $300 and you're not providing us with any meat?

Speaker 3:
[02:58] Oh, $300? Oh, my apologies. You got ripped off. I will take my tone back. I take that all back. I'll give you- Yeah. I mean, this is a no meat salami making class. This is a $25 class at most. If you didn't bring meat, you can use- You know when you go to a fancy restaurant, you're not dressed for it, and they kind of lend you like a jacket so that you will kind of fit in with the aesthetic.

Speaker 4:
[03:27] I've seen it in movies.

Speaker 3:
[03:28] Yeah. Well, we can give you, and I'm using air quotes here, meat to use for the class.

Speaker 4:
[03:39] The air quotes are making me nervous. We just wanted to sort of drink a glass of wine and eat some charcuterie.

Speaker 3:
[03:45] Well, you're at a salami making class, not a drinking a glass of wine eating. This is our meat. This is our donor meat. This is JPC. You can use him basically as you would use meat.

Speaker 5:
[03:56] I didn't know it was going to be Middle Eastern meat. Is this a donor?

Speaker 3:
[04:00] A common misconception. JPC is actually just like a regular white guy. I know in the summertime it can get a little confusing, but.

Speaker 4:
[04:07] JPC, Adal and I, we did have a cold, but we are suddenly feeling better. Much better.

Speaker 5:
[04:13] Yeah.

Speaker 3:
[04:14] Actually, do you guys find me at my other job so that you could beg me to quit my other job and come back to the podcast?

Speaker 5:
[04:23] No. I wish I could say yes, but honestly, no.

Speaker 4:
[04:27] Yeah, no, we can't even sum it up. Well, it's total coincidence.

Speaker 3:
[04:30] I'm here. I might as well do the podcast. I'm JPC.

Speaker 5:
[04:33] I'm Adal Rifai.

Speaker 4:
[04:34] I'm Erin Keif, fully made of salami and fully ready to go.

Speaker 3:
[04:38] Yeah, absolutely. Oh baby, I met this girl at the bar last weekend. Fully made of salami, fully ready to go.

Speaker 7:
[04:45] Oh, did you get her number?

Speaker 3:
[04:47] No. Fuck.

Speaker 5:
[04:50] Well, clearly she's going to turn back into a whatever at midnight.

Speaker 3:
[04:53] Yeah.

Speaker 5:
[04:54] If you were made out of meat, what meat would you want to be made out of? Human. This is tricky because, huh?

Speaker 3:
[04:58] Human.

Speaker 5:
[04:59] Yeah, that was going to be all of our answers.

Speaker 3:
[05:03] What meat would I want to be made out of?

Speaker 5:
[05:05] It's tricky because you want to be a meat you like, but you also don't want to nibble on yourself.

Speaker 4:
[05:13] Anything but tofu. I know it's not meat, but I just don't want a protein substitute at all.

Speaker 3:
[05:17] That's not meat. If I say that I want to be made out of turkey, can I fly?

Speaker 5:
[05:23] No.

Speaker 4:
[05:23] Fuck. I want to have turducken energy. I want several different kinds of. No. I caught myself before I could make it to the soundboard. That's the first time I've ever fully gotten back from a cliff fall. That is crazy.

Speaker 7:
[05:42] I almost said it and I didn't.

Speaker 3:
[05:43] Erin, what would it have been that you said? Because I think I know.

Speaker 7:
[05:46] You will never know.

Speaker 5:
[05:48] You want to be something stuffed inside you?

Speaker 4:
[05:53] I was going to say this.

Speaker 3:
[05:55] Erin's now. Erin, I think that's the proudest I've ever been of you.

Speaker 4:
[05:59] Thank you. I wish I had done anything to make you more proud. JPC, do you want to read what I was going to say?

Speaker 5:
[06:07] Yes.

Speaker 3:
[06:08] Yeah, I don't care. I'll put it on my soundboard. What you were going to say Erin is, I wish I could have several kinds of meat inside of me. I think that that would have been fine for you to say and good even.

Speaker 4:
[06:19] My lips are sand and you know what? It's okay. We're okay.

Speaker 3:
[06:25] We're all okay and this is the podcast Hey Riddle Riddle. We're podcast about three friends who are okay with saying things that can be taken out of context.

Speaker 4:
[06:37] I love it. I love it.

Speaker 5:
[06:39] My favorite city is Springfield.

Speaker 3:
[06:43] Okay, that's actually no context for that. That's Anytown USA, baby.

Speaker 4:
[06:49] Whoa, did you see that thing that happened in pop culture today? That was crazy.

Speaker 5:
[06:54] Can you believe this cabinet?

Speaker 4:
[06:56] It could be any kind of cabinet.

Speaker 3:
[06:58] Yeah, man. I'll get the WD-40. I'll oil it.

Speaker 8:
[07:01] Stop bringing it up.

Speaker 3:
[07:02] I feel like, okay, well now you're just playing with it.

Speaker 8:
[07:06] I hear it too, man.

Speaker 3:
[07:07] I hear it too.

Speaker 5:
[07:08] Oh, Casey Clip. This is a fun game. Casey Clip, now you're just playing with it. It's fun to just do these innocuous things until we catch someone.

Speaker 3:
[07:17] It's like that game where you try to say, like a penis progressively louder when you're in like a public place, you know?

Speaker 5:
[07:23] What's this game?

Speaker 3:
[07:24] It's the Penis Loud game. Erin, tell me you've heard of the Penis Loud game.

Speaker 8:
[07:28] Penis! So Erin wins, and she's at her house.

Speaker 4:
[07:33] Oh, my poor downstairs neighbors. They're at the end of their rope with me, and I completely understand. You can hear this. I am so sorry.

Speaker 5:
[07:41] I hope they're writing down on like a notepad of like this exact time, and then yell penis really loud.

Speaker 4:
[07:48] Yeah.

Speaker 5:
[07:48] So they can present that in court.

Speaker 4:
[07:50] It's just day in, day out. She's watching porn, and you hear her sobbing after going, why did I do this?

Speaker 3:
[07:59] I never had like fun neighbor experiences like that.

Speaker 4:
[08:05] It's rare.

Speaker 3:
[08:06] Yeah. When I lived in an apartment, where I was in the downstairs and my landlords were upstairs, there's just the two of us in this duplex basically. Not duplex. What's it called when it's above? Like double? It's like two single-family, whatever. But one time they had this with their adult, like I think college-age daughter, they had this like screaming, like blowout fight and we're home. So we're just like, and we try to watch TV, but it's like way louder than the TV. And we're just like sitting there being like, I guess she's back from college, huh?

Speaker 8:
[08:44] I guess they're kind of having it out right now.

Speaker 3:
[08:47] And then like the next day, it was so awkward because he was like, yeah, sorry about that.

Speaker 8:
[08:51] And we're like, yeah, maybe you should, maybe you should talk to somebody about maybe some of those issues.

Speaker 5:
[08:58] Our neighbors here, my place, and here's the thing, I'll protect their identity. You don't know which side of my house.

Speaker 3:
[09:07] Come in behind.

Speaker 5:
[09:08] They had their college-aged daughter come home and they had a screaming match at like very late at night. And it's like, okay, that's fine. Obviously going through something, not going to like complain because, you know, this is, it's bad enough. And then later that week, this is somewhat recently, later that week, the wife came over and said something to Gemma of like, well, she's taken out a restraining order. So now the guy has a, might be a pseudonym or might be his real name.

Speaker 3:
[09:42] It depends on if we forgot.

Speaker 5:
[09:43] Depends on if we forgot. I guess has a restraining order against his daughter. Because they yelled at each other, I don't know.

Speaker 3:
[09:50] I do, whenever you're on the other side of like a family squabble like that with zero context, you have no context for what the fuck is going on. You're like, I'm not really on anyone's side right now.

Speaker 8:
[10:02] I guess the side I'm on is maybe quiet down. That's my side.

Speaker 5:
[10:09] Oh man.

Speaker 3:
[10:10] I did hear, one time I did hear a roommate and I live with roommates and I won't say who this is, having, I would say performatively loud sex in their apartment because they thought that no one was home and no one was home when they started. But then everyone came home and we were just like, people would come into the door.

Speaker 5:
[10:33] We saw you gave a big applause at the end.

Speaker 8:
[10:34] Well, people would come into the door, we'd be like, come into the kitchen, like, just let's all sit at the table. And we didn't do performative applause.

Speaker 3:
[10:44] It was better because it was abject silence. And much later, it wasn't like they finished having sex and came out of the room, but much later, when they did come out of the room, we were all just sitting around our kitchen table. Their room was right off the kitchen.

Speaker 8:
[10:55] And it was, we didn't say anything, we didn't look at anything, we were all just there. They were like, well, I know. I know what's happening here.

Speaker 4:
[11:03] No, no, no. I was on a team in Chicago called WebBus, and we would rehearse every Wednesday night at my house. And for the first couple of years I was in Chicago, my downstairs neighbors were awful. They did not like that three single young women lived above them. They were very conservative and a little bit scary, and they were constantly complaining about us. Some I'm sure was justified sound complaints, but they would complain about us. They would eavesdrop basically of us coming in and out of the house and the content and what we were talking about. And they would be like, they're so inappropriate. These girls are so inappropriate. And one time there was a scene in Wet Bus and the scene was like, someone was coming out of the closet in the scene. And then we just hear a banging on the door mid rehearsal. And I was like, oh my God, I got to go down there. And I went down and the downstairs neighbor was like screaming at me. He was like, you're a bunch of nasty girls.

Speaker 7:
[12:07] You're nasty up there.

Speaker 4:
[12:09] The stuff you're talking about is nasty. And I was like, yeah, we're going to go ahead and get you kicked out. You can't be harassing us. Because I let gay people in my apartment.

Speaker 3:
[12:20] Yeah, the content. I mean, look, you got to do improv. You got to stomp on the floor. Don't make it gay.

Speaker 5:
[12:26] People being gay affects my life somehow.

Speaker 4:
[12:28] I'm like, there's so much to complain about. You could be complaining about hearing Zip Zap Zop. You could be complaining about the other nonsense that we're doing. I'm sure Harrison Lott was doing a fucking cartwheel every five seconds. Who knows? But instead, that is what he complained about. But then he moved out and then our friends moved in below us and it was way more fun.

Speaker 5:
[12:47] If two men are gay, that means that there's more available women, which means I'm going to cheat on my wife now.

Speaker 4:
[12:52] It's your fault. Actually, that math checks out. I'm running the numbers.

Speaker 5:
[12:58] You made me cheat on my wife.

Speaker 3:
[13:00] One of my big regrets from my 20s and all the apartments that I lived in, was that I lived in places for long periods of time and I didn't have enough like, I got to get the fuck out of here experiences. Because a lot of places that I stayed, I could stay here for the next three or four years, that'd be okay. I wish I had more got to get the fuck out of here experiences. They make better stories now that I'm on the other side of it.

Speaker 4:
[13:23] I only lived in three places in Chicago and no having to leave in the middle of the night type situations. They're all pretty decent places.

Speaker 5:
[13:34] It would be fun at some point in life to have neighbors in a Seinfeld situation of like, they just walk in the door and start rummaging through your fridge. I'm describing raccoons, aren't I?

Speaker 4:
[13:44] Yeah, wait a minute. I think you want raccoons to come in your house. I know it is fun to have, but that is like a dorm living thing that I feel like I miss. I wish that I had friends like who live in my building, who could just come in and...

Speaker 5:
[13:57] That was the best in college is like you prop your door open and then it's just like a constant flow of people coming in and do a bit serve.

Speaker 4:
[14:03] Yeah, constant flow of people coming in and not complete silence.

Speaker 5:
[14:09] Erin.

Speaker 6:
[14:11] Hello, darkness, my old friend.

Speaker 5:
[14:14] The RA constantly popping in and saying, who's drinking? Oh, you caught me.

Speaker 4:
[14:18] Erin, please drink. Do anything interesting.

Speaker 3:
[14:20] RA's popping in. Just have to check that you're breathing because you're not moving and you're not blinking. So putting a mirror under your face. Okay, good. Have a good day, Erin. Do you guys want to do some riddles? Yes.

Speaker 6:
[14:33] Okay.

Speaker 3:
[14:34] So I have some riddles. These are going to be listener submitted riddles. Some of them I quite like.

Speaker 6:
[14:43] That's fun.

Speaker 3:
[14:44] But these are all riddles from 2019. So this first one is coming to us from February of 2019 from Oliver. A fun thing about this, and sometimes I read the e-mails and make my own notes based on them. This riddle was sent to us by someone who at the time of sending it, was 16, but is now 22. That's pretty fun, huh?

Speaker 4:
[15:05] That's pretty fun.

Speaker 3:
[15:07] This is a riddle from a child who is now an adult.

Speaker 4:
[15:11] Help, help, help, help, help, help, help, help. You are a nasty boy. You say nasty things.

Speaker 3:
[15:18] I would have bleeped Oliver's name if we had read this five years ago, but what is that, seven years ago, but no need now.

Speaker 4:
[15:25] Stop doing the math, you're stressing us out.

Speaker 3:
[15:27] Becoming an adult Oliver. I hope you are still listening to the show. There was a man who was born before his father, killed his mother, and married his sister. Yet, there was nothing wrong with what he had done. Why?

Speaker 5:
[15:42] Jamie Lannister.

Speaker 3:
[15:43] It was Jamie Lannister.

Speaker 5:
[15:45] Wee.

Speaker 3:
[15:46] And Oliver, you were too young to understand that reference at the time. But this was from a television show that you weren't allowed to watch, or a book you weren't allowed to read.

Speaker 5:
[15:55] Okay. So this is a man who was born before his father. So he goes to a church where the pastor is much younger than him.

Speaker 3:
[16:04] Let him cook.

Speaker 5:
[16:05] He killed Mother Teresa and he married a former nun sister.

Speaker 3:
[16:10] Yes. I mean, I know I do this too often, Adal, but you are recused from doing the rest of the riddle because that answer kind of works. It's not the answer to this riddle, but it's good enough that I'll give you the day off.

Speaker 4:
[16:25] Give him the day off.

Speaker 3:
[16:27] What?

Speaker 5:
[16:27] I always say date within the church.

Speaker 3:
[16:29] Date within the church.

Speaker 5:
[16:30] You can be born before your father, kill your mother, marry your sister.

Speaker 4:
[16:34] Can you repeat it again?

Speaker 3:
[16:35] Adal is thinking correctly here, Erin, because he's thinking in that lateral fashion, right? But so I'll read it one more time. There was a man who was born before his father, killed his mother and married his sister, yet there was nothing wrong with what he had done. Why?

Speaker 4:
[16:53] Board game.

Speaker 3:
[16:55] Oh man, board game does not work.

Speaker 5:
[16:58] A play.

Speaker 4:
[16:59] A play.

Speaker 5:
[17:00] I didn't want to say the same.

Speaker 4:
[17:01] They're all in a community theater, sure. Yes.

Speaker 5:
[17:03] This is the two of you are having a board game night, and JPC, you are introducing a pretty wild off-the-rails board game that you came up with, that you think you've been dubious about showing it because you're concerned that you might be judged. But tonight's the night you're going to debut it.

Speaker 3:
[17:20] Okay, guys, so you all remember when I was in that like really bad car accident when I was 20 and I was in like a coma for four days. So I've been working with this therapist who has helped me kind of regress back into that coma state, and I remembered some of the great ideas I had in that coma, and I've kind of turned them into a board game.

Speaker 4:
[17:42] Okay. Well, I have a party at like 930. So how long is it going to take?

Speaker 3:
[17:46] Way longer. Cancel that. So this board game, it's called, it's called Living Inside Your Mime.

Speaker 4:
[17:56] Okay. I'm a couple of red flags right out of the gate here for me. I see dice. I see several different timekeepers. I see cards.

Speaker 3:
[18:06] Yes.

Speaker 4:
[18:07] I see, oh my God, there's already too many parts. What are these gems for?

Speaker 3:
[18:14] Okay. So that's going to be, the gems are going to be the only thing that survives in your burn bucket. Everybody also should have a burn bucket, right?

Speaker 5:
[18:20] I have three bloody padlocks.

Speaker 3:
[18:22] Oh, I forgot. You're the record keeper. Yes. So you're going to have the bloody padlocks. You will have burn buckets. Okay. So you'll get the game as we play it. But in order to see who goes first, everybody has a cigarette. Let's just see who can smoke theirs the fastest. Whoever can smoke their cigarette the fastest, and you have to smoke, and you have to smoke. Make sure it gets in your lungs.

Speaker 4:
[18:48] I would like the number for the doctor that cleared you to drive again, because this is concerning.

Speaker 3:
[18:55] It's interesting that you bring up going clear, because they're not even a doctor. Okay. So let's begin. Let's see. Does everyone have-

Speaker 4:
[19:05] You're dealing out money and cards. You're dealing out real money and playing cards.

Speaker 3:
[19:11] I'll make change for either one. If you need change for the money or the cards, we can do that as well.

Speaker 4:
[19:15] All right. I want to change for the king.

Speaker 3:
[19:17] Okay. Great. Change for your king.

Speaker 5:
[19:19] I finished my cigarette and inside was a little card that said, let's all now listen for the man in the walls.

Speaker 3:
[19:25] You smoked the wrong cigarette. That's a game cigarette. Which cigarettes are you guys using? You all smoked game cigarettes? Okay. Well, here's the way that goes. So everyone has your fingerless gloves, right? I'm sorry, not enough finger holes in the fingerless gloves. Just fold them down or whatever.

Speaker 4:
[19:42] What's that ticking that just started?

Speaker 3:
[19:44] That is the oven. So we have to get it hot because of what's going to happen in round three. It's not in relation to your burn bucket. So those are going to be for safety, not for points in the game.

Speaker 4:
[19:56] How long are each of the rounds?

Speaker 3:
[19:58] How long is your hair? Let's cut some. So everybody gets a little bit of hair cut off.

Speaker 5:
[20:02] Can we fast forward three hours?

Speaker 3:
[20:06] Yeah. We should have just played Catan two hours in. I don't know what took us so long to just start playing Catan, but.

Speaker 4:
[20:14] Why are you mad? We are finishing this game. We are finishing. I'm obsessed.

Speaker 8:
[20:19] This is incredible.

Speaker 4:
[20:20] These are my gems. I earned them fair and square.

Speaker 3:
[20:23] You don't earn gems from a burn bucket.

Speaker 8:
[20:25] You guys are playing by the rules that I haven't explained.

Speaker 4:
[20:27] I have none of the cash in all of the cards, asshole.

Speaker 5:
[20:30] Well, I have the knife of deciding. Let's see what it says.

Speaker 4:
[20:35] My head is completely shaved at this point.

Speaker 5:
[20:40] You and Emma Stone.

Speaker 4:
[20:42] Oh, yeah.

Speaker 3:
[20:42] You and Emma Stone.

Speaker 4:
[20:44] Bagonia.

Speaker 5:
[20:45] Both love board games.

Speaker 3:
[20:47] You guys got the answer to this riddle.

Speaker 5:
[20:50] It was a play?

Speaker 3:
[20:51] No.

Speaker 5:
[20:51] Is Oedipus up?

Speaker 3:
[20:53] Oh, no, you didn't get the answer. I was reading my notes wrong.

Speaker 4:
[20:56] So it wasn't a play.

Speaker 3:
[20:59] Okay, let me walk through it. There's a man born before his father. Explain that to me in play.

Speaker 4:
[21:04] They're playing a part in a play. He gets cast as the man born before his father.

Speaker 5:
[21:09] And it's like a thing of like the father was watching the birth and he was born before his father.

Speaker 3:
[21:15] Okay, Adal, I know you're not playing anymore, but that's part of it.

Speaker 5:
[21:19] He killed his mother during birth.

Speaker 3:
[21:21] Okay, second part.

Speaker 5:
[21:23] Now here's where it gets awful.

Speaker 4:
[21:27] Married his step-sister because the father remarried.

Speaker 3:
[21:32] Erin, that's still weird.

Speaker 5:
[21:35] Erin, you're a nasty girl.

Speaker 4:
[21:36] JPC's actually giving me a big thumbs up and now think, I actually love that guy.

Speaker 3:
[21:40] I actually love that and I can tell we have kind of some of the similar search terms.

Speaker 4:
[21:45] Big thumbs up, everybody.

Speaker 3:
[21:48] And what other way could he marry his sister?

Speaker 5:
[21:50] Oh, it's like a Michael C. Hall situation.

Speaker 4:
[21:52] Oh, he officiated her wedding.

Speaker 3:
[21:54] He officiated her wedding. Finally, he grew up to be a minister.

Speaker 4:
[21:57] It's a Michael C.

Speaker 9:
[21:57] Hall situation.

Speaker 8:
[21:59] He married his sister.

Speaker 5:
[22:00] He married the woman who played dead rice.

Speaker 8:
[22:02] That's right. That's right.

Speaker 3:
[22:04] And finally, it's a Michael C. Hall situation. And okay, so Adal, you got double credit for that. Congratulations and good job. And thank you, Oliver. I hope you enjoy being an adult human in the world.

Speaker 5:
[22:14] Okay, so I got a riddle right. So I get to smoke a cigarette from the draw pile. Okay. All right.

Speaker 3:
[22:20] Spoke the whole thing.

Speaker 5:
[22:22] Okay.

Speaker 3:
[22:22] Okay. Coughing. Gotta go back to zero.

Speaker 5:
[22:24] It's just draw eight, okay. Coughing, go back to zero.

Speaker 3:
[22:27] All right. It's a game called Cigarette Pack. And you sit around and you smoke a cigarette pack and you then do whatever the cigarettes tell you. This next riddle is from Ed. Ed also lived in 2019 when they wrote this riddle. Ed says that all the riddles follow a similar structure that describes a three syllable word. The first three lines describe a syllable each and the final line describes the whole word. So there are gonna be four lines. The first three all relate to a syllable. And then the last line is the whole word. Okay. So here's the first one kind of as an example. My beginning is the standard name for an automobile. My middle describes most anything that's single, solid and real. My end can carry more than my start, but still is on four wheels. And then the big clue to get you to the word is my whole might be towed by my start or by my end. Can you my name reveal?

Speaker 5:
[23:36] So like is the first syllable like car for car or something?

Speaker 3:
[23:42] Well, yes, but also car is one syllable. So it's-

Speaker 5:
[23:47] Oh, I see. Yes, it is.

Speaker 3:
[23:48] You got it with car.

Speaker 5:
[23:49] So it can be a full word.

Speaker 3:
[23:50] Yeah, as long as it's one syllable, as long as it's not multiple. Yeah.

Speaker 5:
[23:53] Got you. So is the first word car?

Speaker 3:
[23:56] Car, yep.

Speaker 5:
[23:57] But this is part of, it's one word that's inside a larger word, right? It's not a phrase or something?

Speaker 3:
[24:02] Yes. The whole thing that you're getting is one word.

Speaker 5:
[24:05] Got you. So car is the first word.

Speaker 3:
[24:06] My whole might be towed by my start or my end. Can you my name reveal? Starts with car.

Speaker 5:
[24:11] What was the second clue?

Speaker 3:
[24:12] My middle describes most anything that's single, solid, real.

Speaker 5:
[24:18] That's not attached to car, right? This is a new word?

Speaker 3:
[24:21] It's a new one syllable. It's just a one syllable word or yeah.

Speaker 5:
[24:27] Okay, Erin, what do we think for this one? Corporial?

Speaker 3:
[24:32] It's one syllable.

Speaker 5:
[24:33] Corporial.

Speaker 8:
[24:34] It's one syllable.

Speaker 3:
[24:35] I also think maybe the middle one is a little harder to get. Try to get the third one.

Speaker 5:
[24:40] Okay.

Speaker 3:
[24:40] My end can carry more than my start, but still is on four wheels.

Speaker 5:
[24:46] Now, when it says my end, does it mean the end of this word or?

Speaker 3:
[24:52] No, it's just beginning, middle and end. So the first one was beginning, the second one was middle, the third one is end. This is the end of the word.

Speaker 4:
[24:57] So this is a full word.

Speaker 3:
[24:58] A full word, yeah.

Speaker 4:
[24:59] That comes at the end. Okay. Can carry more than the start.

Speaker 3:
[25:02] Yeah. And the start was car.

Speaker 5:
[25:04] Carriage.

Speaker 4:
[25:06] Truck.

Speaker 10:
[25:07] Ooh, bed.

Speaker 4:
[25:09] Bed.

Speaker 3:
[25:09] It's not truck. It's not carriage. Truck.

Speaker 4:
[25:11] Plane.

Speaker 3:
[25:11] Truck is close.

Speaker 4:
[25:12] Train. Truck is close.

Speaker 5:
[25:14] U-Haul, but one syllable.

Speaker 3:
[25:16] U-Haul is close as well.

Speaker 4:
[25:18] Moose.

Speaker 3:
[25:20] Think maybe smaller than a U-Haul, bigger than a truck, I would say. Oh, I guess some trucks can be huge.

Speaker 4:
[25:26] Van.

Speaker 3:
[25:26] Adal's van.

Speaker 5:
[25:27] Caravan.

Speaker 3:
[25:28] It's caravan.

Speaker 5:
[25:29] By Van Morrison.

Speaker 3:
[25:31] Mm-hmm.

Speaker 4:
[25:33] Caravan, of course. I'm embarrassed.

Speaker 3:
[25:35] Now, I think you have to do the example to kind of get how it's going, but my middle describes most anything that's single solid real that's A blank, like A, you know, A caravan. Okay, so that's the general style. Here are more of them from Ed. My beginning could be guacamole, salsa, hummus. What to choose?

Speaker 5:
[25:56] Dip.

Speaker 3:
[25:58] My middle describes a score, which, except in golf, would lose?

Speaker 5:
[26:03] Zero. My end. Dipzirioa.

Speaker 3:
[26:07] I got dipzirioa.

Speaker 5:
[26:09] It's like dipzirioa, but worse?

Speaker 3:
[26:11] It's way worse. My end asks if you're coming in to please just wipe your shoes.

Speaker 5:
[26:18] Mat. Dip nil mat.

Speaker 3:
[26:21] My hole is a foreign profession, often in the news.

Speaker 4:
[26:24] Diplomat.

Speaker 3:
[26:26] Diplomat.

Speaker 5:
[26:28] Wow. So low is the score?

Speaker 3:
[26:31] Yeah. Low is the score that would lose, except in golf.

Speaker 5:
[26:36] Yeah.

Speaker 4:
[26:37] I would like to see these are fun.

Speaker 3:
[26:38] Please, Erin.

Speaker 4:
[26:39] JPC, you are a diplomat and you're just absolutely blowing it at a fancy diplomat dinner that Adal and I are also at.

Speaker 3:
[26:48] Great.

Speaker 7:
[26:50] Thank you so much for coming to the dinner. It is so lovely to have so many different countries and cultures represented here at my dinner table.

Speaker 3:
[27:00] Excuse me. Sorry. I'm so sorry. Are we supposed to do a local voice?

Speaker 7:
[27:07] This is my natural speaking voice. Of course, just speak in your natural accent.

Speaker 5:
[27:12] Excuse me. Did you say we're not supposed to do a voice? I'm not doing a voice.

Speaker 7:
[27:19] Neither am I.

Speaker 3:
[27:23] It's just that I was assigned to the Bahamas.

Speaker 7:
[27:27] You are from the Bahamas?

Speaker 3:
[27:29] No, I'm not.

Speaker 6:
[27:30] I'm from United States.

Speaker 3:
[27:32] I didn't know if I was supposed to be doing a voice and I don't feel comfortable doing-

Speaker 7:
[27:35] Diplomats are typically from the country that I represent.

Speaker 5:
[27:40] Why don't you-

Speaker 6:
[27:41] I'm a diplomat from the United States.

Speaker 5:
[27:44] Would you like to try and guess where we are each from?

Speaker 8:
[27:48] I don't.

Speaker 5:
[27:50] All of us? Go around the room and guess.

Speaker 8:
[27:54] Like what?

Speaker 3:
[27:54] Cereal?

Speaker 5:
[27:56] Oh, he got us. I am of course Count Chocula.

Speaker 3:
[28:04] I was going to say Count Chocula.

Speaker 7:
[28:05] I am the Honey Nut Cheerios Bee.

Speaker 4:
[28:11] Before this gets problematic, I guess.

Speaker 5:
[28:13] Suck me blood.

Speaker 3:
[28:16] Does the Honey Nut Cheerios- I was trying to think of Cereal Mascots that don't talk. I don't think the Honey Nut Cheerios Bee talks. They could be French.

Speaker 5:
[28:22] No, he does. He talks. He absolutely talks.

Speaker 3:
[28:26] He's a nasty old guff.

Speaker 5:
[28:27] It's a he, right?

Speaker 4:
[28:28] I don't know. I don't remember him talking. He talks?

Speaker 3:
[28:30] What does he talk?

Speaker 4:
[28:31] What does he say?

Speaker 5:
[28:33] What does he talk?

Speaker 3:
[28:33] What does he talk? What does he want?

Speaker 5:
[28:35] We got right here, right here in River City.

Speaker 3:
[28:37] Blue Slips Sink Cereal.

Speaker 5:
[28:39] I could have sworn there was Cheerios commercials where it was seemingly a guy bee and he did talk.

Speaker 4:
[28:46] I'm looking it up.

Speaker 8:
[28:48] Oh, my damn wife. Oh, my God. She wants me to mow the hive. I don't know.

Speaker 3:
[28:55] Yeah. I think it would be, what would Harvey Keitel be his voice or something? They should have celebrity stunt cast it.

Speaker 5:
[29:01] Well, he already smacks the frog. I do like the Golden Grahams Bear because he was kind of like, can't get enough of this. He was like a crooner.

Speaker 3:
[29:08] Yeah.

Speaker 6:
[29:09] Can't get enough of this Golden Grahams Bear.

Speaker 4:
[29:10] Oh, he does talk.

Speaker 2:
[29:11] Hold on, hold on.

Speaker 3:
[29:12] And the Golden Grahams Bear also felt like he was like, maybe he had like three drinks. Like he wasn't quite drunk, but he was loose. Oh yeah.

Speaker 5:
[29:21] He's had cocktails. So I feel like the bee was something like, hey kids, come eat Cheerios like this. Like, I'm very earnest.

Speaker 6:
[29:30] Golden Grahams, part of my balance of breakfast and I was wanting to have a martini because it's five o'clock somewhere. Golden Grahams.

Speaker 5:
[29:38] Robert Goode. I love Golden Grahams.

Speaker 4:
[29:40] Unfortunately, I am looking through Honey Nut Cheerios commercials.

Speaker 3:
[29:44] Okay.

Speaker 4:
[29:44] And there's one of him singing.

Speaker 3:
[29:46] That makes sense.

Speaker 4:
[29:47] Oh, but now I'm seeing this one. Okay, you guys, do you remember the Little Red Riding Hood, like wolf one Honey Nut Cheerios commercial from 1998? This is blowing my mind.

Speaker 3:
[29:57] Do I remember it? The wolf one?

Speaker 4:
[29:59] It's so scary. It's like a wolf puppet. Hold on. Hold on. He's about to talk.

Speaker 8:
[30:08] All right, we didn't leave it in. It's all worth it for Erin's silence and the little gasp.

Speaker 4:
[30:14] You can play the audio of the commercial. He talks, the bee talks, and he's a boy.

Speaker 3:
[30:18] What does he sound like, Erin? Can you do his voice?

Speaker 4:
[30:19] Honey nut Cheerios. So the wolf eats the Cheerios instead of the kid.

Speaker 3:
[30:24] Oh, okay.

Speaker 5:
[30:25] Well, well, well. Looks like everyone owes Dr. Adal an apology.

Speaker 4:
[30:33] Dr. Adal, I'd like to formally apologize.

Speaker 8:
[30:36] I can't operate on this bee. He's a man.

Speaker 3:
[30:40] Erin sent Casey the link. Well, you know what? Can we put it in the? I don't know. This is a main feed. I get nervous about putting like that kind of stuff in the main feed. Casey, if it falls back on you, you're going to have to go to jail. You're going to have to take the fall for it, Casey. Let's do, Casey says, okay. That's legally binding.

Speaker 5:
[31:00] Hey folks, Casey here, your editor. My attorney has advised that I not, quote unquote, risk it all for a Riddle podcast. So I don't know, man, Google it or something. Kelsey Grammer's in the commercial. It's fun. I would like to see like, you know, Captain Crunch is like, you're the captain, make it happen. Yeah. And Tony the Tiger is like, you know, everyone has like a big bombastic sort of tone and voice. I would love to see just any serial mascot that's like, hey, what's up, kids? Are you hungry or? Yeah. Like just like casual Charlie or something.

Speaker 4:
[31:39] Oh, hey, what's up? I really love this serial. That's not saying that you'll love it. But if you want to give it a shot, like it has my recommendation. But yeah, whatever.

Speaker 5:
[31:48] I got to get going. You don't have to chase me. You can just have it.

Speaker 3:
[31:50] Those discount cereals that are just in the bag, not the box. It's like all of those mascots are just guys like, yeah, my name is Peter. I guess I have kind of an interesting shirt. That's kind of my whole thing.

Speaker 6:
[32:02] That's so funny. I guess I'm not wearing it today.

Speaker 5:
[32:04] I feel like most 90s cereal commercials, it's like you had to like chase or kill the mascot to get the product.

Speaker 6:
[32:13] Yeah.

Speaker 5:
[32:13] And I just want someone who's like, no, we're trying to sell it actually. Did you kids have money or? You can have a little bit for free. That's fine.

Speaker 3:
[32:20] No, yeah, it doesn't come with spoons. You'll have to have spoons and bowls.

Speaker 5:
[32:24] Price in the box. You're not kids, are you? I mean, you're children, but nobody wants a toy.

Speaker 3:
[32:30] Don't have too much of it. It's full of sugar. It's really bad for you.

Speaker 8:
[32:33] But have one bowl.

Speaker 5:
[32:37] We're trying to sell the product, but we're not trying to lie to you. We're being realistic.

Speaker 3:
[32:42] Legally, we have to tell you, you also have to have toast or orange juice, or this is not a meal.

Speaker 4:
[32:47] You're not gonna get any fiber, protein, anything really.

Speaker 5:
[32:52] If you guys are ever in Dearborn, stop by the factory, please. I'll leave you passes.

Speaker 4:
[32:57] You know how there's nutritional value on the back of these things, and how much of your daily value of that thing it is? Ours is a negative, percentage-wise. We're stealing nutrients from you.

Speaker 3:
[33:09] I'm gonna get out of here. I gotta go to my stepson's.

Speaker 5:
[33:13] Can't get enough of these golden grams. Actually, after two bowls, I'm stuffed. So, there's a ceiling.

Speaker 3:
[33:19] If I'm honest.

Speaker 8:
[33:20] We gotta, all right.

Speaker 3:
[33:21] We did too much of this riff. Now we have to go on a break. No, we've had too much of our cereal. Now we have to go on a break. We'll be right back.

Speaker 4:
[33:38] I'm pretty smug this year, you guys. For Mother's Day, I got my mom exactly what she wanted.

Speaker 3:
[33:45] Smug, oh, the acronym, smart, mutiful, oven, and gross.

Speaker 4:
[33:52] Gorgeous. Okay, I got my mom an aura frame, and I filled it with photos of the two of you, because she's a huge fan. So now, when she's sitting in her living room, she can go, oh, I love that picture of JPC.

Speaker 7:
[34:06] Oh, I love that picture of Adal.

Speaker 4:
[34:07] Oh, I love the picture of me and the boys and Cabo together.

Speaker 3:
[34:10] Oh, Erin, we're getting into a kind of a gift of the magi situation, because I got my you an aura frame full of photos of mom and Adal. What did you do, Adal? It seems like you also did something like that?

Speaker 5:
[34:24] I got, yes, I got my mom aura frame, but I just fill it with photos of Madonna.

Speaker 3:
[34:28] Oh, I guess I'll die another day.

Speaker 5:
[34:31] No, it's from her tour where she had the cowboy hat. What was that tour?

Speaker 4:
[34:34] It was a good dream, cowboy tour.

Speaker 5:
[34:36] Cowboy tour.

Speaker 3:
[34:37] It doesn't matter because with aura you get free unlimited storage. You can add as many photos of Madonna and videos of your mom as you want. Plus, you can preload photos before it ships and then keep adding them from anywhere, anytime. You can even personalize your gift by adding a message before it arrives.

Speaker 5:
[34:55] And it's not just for moms. It's for dads, cousins, siblings, grandparents, pets. Madonna?

Speaker 3:
[35:05] Send one to Madonna.

Speaker 5:
[35:07] Truly, I have gifted these to everyone important in my life, and they all rave about it. They all love it, and they all have gone out to buy it for other people that they love.

Speaker 3:
[35:16] And I cannot stress this enough. If you know where Madonna lives, you can send her an Aura Frame. There's really nothing she can do to stop that from happening. You know where she lives. Aura Frames was named number one by Wirecutter. You can save on gifts moms love by visiting auraframes.com. For a limited time, listeners can get $25 off their best selling Carver Mat Frame with code RIDDLE. That's auraframes.com, promo code RIDDLE, R-I-D-D-L-E. Support the show by mentioning us at checkout terms and conditions apply.

Speaker 5:
[35:42] And we're not talking about that Madonna. We're talking about M-A-D-D-D-U-N-A.

Speaker 4:
[35:48] Yeah, the singer.

Speaker 5:
[35:51] Madonna.

Speaker 4:
[35:52] We've never seen the same thing. Ah, ah. Sorry, I'm just looking at myself in the mirror. You guys, I don't think I really like my clothes right now. I think I need a spring refresh.

Speaker 5:
[36:02] Oh, Erin, what kind of stuff are you looking for?

Speaker 4:
[36:06] Like stylish, timeless pieces, like maybe like a raincoat and like a cashmere, like sweater that's like transitional from winter to spring.

Speaker 3:
[36:15] Oh, Erin, I would not wear a cashmere sweater over a raincoat. It's going to get absolutely ruined if there's rain. I'm putting it together. That's not what she meant. Okay. Erin, have you heard about Quince? Quince makes high quality everyday essentials using premium materials like 100 percent European linen and their insanely soft flo-knit activewear fabric. They have linen pants and shirts that are lightweight, breathable and comfortable, basically the perfect layer for spring. The pants strike the right balance between laid back and refined, so you look put together without trying too hard. Erin, is that what you're going for?

Speaker 5:
[36:46] Yeah.

Speaker 3:
[36:47] Okay.

Speaker 5:
[36:48] Erin, also you silly goose, the best part about Quince is that their prices are 50 to 60% less than similar brands. How you're screaming at me? Erin, please stop screaming.

Speaker 4:
[36:58] How?

Speaker 5:
[36:59] Quince works directly with ethical factories and cuts out the middlemen, so you're paying for quality, not brand markup. Everything is designed to last and it makes getting dressed easy.

Speaker 4:
[37:10] I have a purse from Quince that I have people stop me when I'm walking around LA to ask me where I get it because it looks very expensive, but it's not. It's going to last me years and years. I also have a ring from there that I love. They've got home stuff that's timeless and awesome, incredible rugs, curtains.

Speaker 5:
[37:25] They've got baby stuff.

Speaker 7:
[37:26] They've got baby stuff.

Speaker 5:
[37:27] Some awesome baby stuff that I purchased. It's very cute.

Speaker 3:
[37:32] So why don't you do yourself a favor and refresh your wardrobe with Quince? Go to quince.com/riddle for free shipping and 365 day returns. Now available in Canada too. Go to quince.com/riddle for free shipping and 365 day returns. quince.com/riddle.

Speaker 5:
[37:50] Erin, you're wearing your purse. You should, actually, you're pulling it off.

Speaker 4:
[37:54] And I look incredible.

Speaker 3:
[37:58] Okay, Adal, Erin, I've seen the movie. I've read the book. I'm all about Project Hail Mary nowadays. And I don't want to brag, but I have actually built something that is pretty cool and kind of relates to a sponsor of the show. If you know where I'm going.

Speaker 5:
[38:16] Oh, there's a little Rock friend here.

Speaker 6:
[38:18] So this is Adal.

Speaker 3:
[38:21] This is Rockette. Oh. Rockette Money. This is Rockette Money. He is an A.

Speaker 4:
[38:25] Oh, like the app that I love.

Speaker 3:
[38:28] Oh, man.

Speaker 4:
[38:29] Rockette Money is a personal finance app that helps find and cancel unwanted subscriptions, monitors your spending and helps you lower your bills so you can grow your savings.

Speaker 5:
[38:39] Yeah. I had a subscription. Speak of the devil. I had a subscription to the Rockettes at Radio City Music Hall. And I was losing money hand over legs. And thank God, Rockette Money caught it.

Speaker 3:
[38:52] Don't mention hands and legs around Rockette Money because he doesn't have kind of, don't worry about it, buddy. Look, all you need to know is that you didn't get your name from the app. You're your own guy. I love you. I found you in space. And Rockette Money has automatic transaction categorization across accounts, plus customizable categories and tags to reveal spending patterns. You can save for like a big event, like it helped me save for my wedding celebration. Or you can use it to set budgets and goals, which is something that I love setting. And I use it daily, weekly, monthly for that as well.

Speaker 4:
[39:27] It has canceled so many unwanted subscriptions. It has saved users over 880 million in canceled subscriptions. I know we're always signing up for free trials for things and forgetting it. And they're hoping that you're not going to notice. But you know who notices? Rocket Money. And they go, not on our watch.

Speaker 5:
[39:45] Rocket Money is like a good wingman at a bar who's like, whoa, you're not buying two old fashions, you're buying one.

Speaker 3:
[39:51] And don't worry buddy, I'm not going to forget about you when this ad's over. We're going to be really good friends from space because we were in space together. So it's not going to be a situation where I'm not going to forget about you.

Speaker 5:
[40:00] Hey Erin, that's just a rock with eyes drawn on, right?

Speaker 4:
[40:04] Yeah, I see the same thing you see.

Speaker 3:
[40:06] Plus, you can set automated savings goals in Rocket Money, so you can grow towards goals with adjustable amounts and frequencies. You can set it and forget it with Rocket Money.

Speaker 5:
[40:16] Whoa guys, look that rock is starting to float in the air. Let Rocket Money help you reach your financial goals faster. Join at rocketmoney.com/riddle. That's rocketmoney.com/riddle. rocketmoney.com/riddle.

Speaker 3:
[40:31] It's real.

Speaker 5:
[40:32] I love you, daddy. Oh, JPC.

Speaker 3:
[40:35] Guys, I was doing that. I was doing that with my mouth. I'm holding it.

Speaker 5:
[40:40] Oh, yeah, there's a hand on the rock. Well.

Speaker 3:
[40:44] Well.

Speaker 5:
[40:45] Well.

Speaker 3:
[40:54] All right, we're back, we're gonna do more of Ed's riddles, because I think we only really did one. So we're gonna do the second one, second of Ed's riddles. My beginning is what you might do if you don't want to be found.

Speaker 5:
[41:07] Hide.

Speaker 3:
[41:08] Hmm. My middle describes a score. Oh, I'm sorry. My middle is what you might do to move a boat around.

Speaker 5:
[41:17] Toe.

Speaker 3:
[41:18] My end, if found in a cocktail, you may want to drink down.

Speaker 5:
[41:23] Ice.

Speaker 3:
[41:24] My whole is the double in life's vital compound.

Speaker 5:
[41:29] Hide and I seek?

Speaker 3:
[41:31] Hide and I seek. Adal, I love hide. I think you're right on with hide.

Speaker 4:
[41:37] Hydrogen.

Speaker 3:
[41:39] Erin, it's hydrogen.

Speaker 8:
[41:41] It's hydrogen. You got it.

Speaker 5:
[41:43] Wow. Gin.

Speaker 3:
[41:44] Gin and row is how you move a boat around.

Speaker 5:
[41:47] Erin, fantastic.

Speaker 4:
[41:50] I'd like to thank Adal, Dr. Adal who forgave me earlier for saying that the Honey Nut Cheerios bee was a woman. Without him, I would not be standing here today.

Speaker 5:
[42:01] You were thinking of the queen, Erin, the queen.

Speaker 4:
[42:04] I was thinking of the queen.

Speaker 3:
[42:06] That would make more sense, but queens are much different. He definitely has like worker bee vibes, right? I guess most of the workers are women too.

Speaker 5:
[42:13] He's an absolute fucking plebe.

Speaker 3:
[42:15] It's a weird society that they have, and I can say that because I'm part bee.

Speaker 5:
[42:20] Which part?

Speaker 3:
[42:23] JBC, the bee. My beginnings cried by prophets to declare the end is near. Doom? My middle keeps your food good to eat for months and years.

Speaker 5:
[42:38] Salt?

Speaker 3:
[42:40] I love that. It's not salt. My end describes the gusting winds when they are quite severe.

Speaker 5:
[42:48] Howl?

Speaker 3:
[42:50] Okay, you haven't landed on any. But let's see if maybe you can just get it from the last one.

Speaker 4:
[42:54] Gusting winds.

Speaker 3:
[42:56] My holes a tiny flyer, favorable to the ear.

Speaker 5:
[43:01] Oh, little Amelia Earhart?

Speaker 4:
[43:03] Earworm.

Speaker 3:
[43:05] We've done little Amelia Earhart of the show before.

Speaker 5:
[43:07] I do want to see it.

Speaker 4:
[43:09] We're like the rush to ask for a scene from everybody. Have we done it?

Speaker 3:
[43:14] It sounds so familiar.

Speaker 4:
[43:15] No, it doesn't sound familiar at all to me.

Speaker 5:
[43:18] We've done little Amelia Earhart. We've done tiny Amelia Earhart.

Speaker 3:
[43:22] Hey, I'll tell you this right now.

Speaker 4:
[43:24] Is she a kid? Is it Amelia Earhart when she's a kid trying to get through middle school or is it a tiny version of grown up Amelia Earhart?

Speaker 5:
[43:32] I think if it's like picture, like... Stuart Little? Like Stuart Little, but it's Amelia Earhart and she's in a tiny plane and that's why they lost her.

Speaker 4:
[43:42] So this is not a young Sheldon situation. It's not Amelia Earhart at school.

Speaker 3:
[43:47] She's like a borrower's Amelia Earhart.

Speaker 5:
[43:49] Yes, I think young Amelia, while it could be for two or three seasons a hit for CBS, it's too sad because you know where it ends.

Speaker 3:
[43:57] It ends, yeah.

Speaker 4:
[43:58] Well, you know what, we knew where Big Bang Theory ended and we still muscled our way through young Sheldon as a culture.

Speaker 5:
[44:04] Erin muscled our way through. I don't think our corporate sponsors would like that term.

Speaker 4:
[44:09] We don't have corporate sponsors.

Speaker 7:
[44:11] If we did, it wouldn't be CBS.

Speaker 5:
[44:15] You always say that. Okay, we'll forego my little Amelia Earhart scene. Let's try and solve this riddle.

Speaker 3:
[44:23] I really don't want you guys to get too far away from the riddle because I don't want to have to bring you back to it, you know what I'm saying?

Speaker 5:
[44:29] Remind us the first, it was like the people cry, the end of time is near.

Speaker 3:
[44:34] My beginnings cry, nigh.

Speaker 5:
[44:36] Okay, the end is nigh, yes.

Speaker 3:
[44:38] Yes. My middle keeps your food good to eat for months and years.

Speaker 5:
[44:42] Now, salt does preserve some food, so you can salt pork and fish.

Speaker 3:
[44:46] Normally, if this was just a straight riddle, I would give you partial credit on that, but unfortunately, you won't get the end result if I-

Speaker 4:
[44:53] I've got a question.

Speaker 3:
[44:54] Yes, Erin.

Speaker 4:
[44:55] You said the hole is an ear. What's the ear thing?

Speaker 3:
[44:58] My hole is a tiny flyer favorable to the ear.

Speaker 5:
[45:01] Gnat.

Speaker 4:
[45:02] Gnat.

Speaker 5:
[45:03] King Cole.

Speaker 4:
[45:05] What's a bug that flies by the ear?

Speaker 5:
[45:09] Night fly, night and gale, night worm, night-

Speaker 3:
[45:11] Adal, Adal, Adal, it's night and gale.

Speaker 4:
[45:15] I don't get the ear part.

Speaker 3:
[45:17] Do you want to reverse solve the riddle?

Speaker 5:
[45:19] Gale would be the wind.

Speaker 3:
[45:21] Yeah.

Speaker 5:
[45:21] Night tin, tin can.

Speaker 3:
[45:23] Tin can.

Speaker 5:
[45:24] Tintin, if he can something.

Speaker 3:
[45:26] Yes.

Speaker 5:
[45:26] Night tin, tin, gale, Florence.

Speaker 3:
[45:30] Florence and her machine.

Speaker 5:
[45:33] Tin the can.

Speaker 3:
[45:34] My- okay, here's your next one.

Speaker 5:
[45:35] Okay.

Speaker 3:
[45:36] My beginning does not go out. It stays there at its seat. My middle is a favorite seat. I'm sorry, I should have given you time to guess. My bad. My beginning does not go out. It stays there at its seat.

Speaker 4:
[45:48] Erin, what do you think?

Speaker 3:
[45:50] It's fine. If you don't know, we'll just move on. My middle is a favorite sandwich filling JPC likes to eat.

Speaker 4:
[45:57] Turkey.

Speaker 3:
[45:57] Egg?

Speaker 4:
[45:58] No, no, because you're a vegetarian.

Speaker 8:
[46:01] You're the one guessed that.

Speaker 3:
[46:02] That was the meat that I wish it could be made up.

Speaker 7:
[46:04] I know, that's why I said it.

Speaker 3:
[46:06] My end has been folded up, all tidy and neat.

Speaker 5:
[46:12] Wrap?

Speaker 3:
[46:13] My whole is not finished, because it's...

Speaker 7:
[46:18] What?

Speaker 5:
[46:19] Incomplete. Incomplete.

Speaker 3:
[46:21] Well, incomplete.

Speaker 5:
[46:22] Oh, come sandwich.

Speaker 7:
[46:24] Ew, what?

Speaker 5:
[46:25] Erin, don't do that. Erin.

Speaker 8:
[46:27] Don't do what?

Speaker 5:
[46:28] JPCquicks, say that's right.

Speaker 8:
[46:29] Yeah, it's right, Erin.

Speaker 5:
[46:31] Oh, not to you, Adal.

Speaker 4:
[46:32] Ew, not to you, ew. I mean you. Like, you have never... You're not familiar with the show, are you?

Speaker 3:
[46:35] You're not familiar with the show, are you?

Speaker 8:
[46:37] You have never...

Speaker 3:
[46:38] You're not familiar with the show that you're on.

Speaker 5:
[46:40] I'll have what the...

Speaker 3:
[46:42] I've never heard of a cum sandwich before.

Speaker 8:
[46:43] Grow up, Erin.

Speaker 4:
[46:44] Oh, clutch my pearls. A cum sandwich on this very podcast? What will little Amelia Earhart say?

Speaker 3:
[46:52] I think I'm lost.

Speaker 4:
[46:54] Oh, we've got another mad dash to play little Amelia Earhart. Of course we all want to play her.

Speaker 3:
[47:02] Of course I want to play her. Okay, let's do your next one. Let's go to the next one.

Speaker 5:
[47:06] It should be, we should make something, it's like Muppet Babies, but it's just little versions of famous people who died tragically.

Speaker 8:
[47:18] You went up at the end of that, like it was the part that saved it. Who died tragically?

Speaker 5:
[47:24] Don't worry, they died tragically. And it's just them as little kids getting into antics.

Speaker 8:
[47:33] I don't mind.

Speaker 5:
[47:35] Thank you.

Speaker 3:
[47:36] Hey, their estates have to make money. Honestly, after I'm dead, my estate can sell me all over the place. I don't give a shit.

Speaker 4:
[47:42] Oh my God. Can I be in charge of your name and estate? Damn it. Please, please, please. I'll only give it to the worst possible people for the worst possible reasons.

Speaker 5:
[47:53] JPC, I will cart your dead body around the US on a train, much like they did with Abraham Lincoln and Billy the Kid.

Speaker 3:
[48:00] Yeah. Talk to me about, here's the thing though. My wife's too pretty to work. What's the money going to be like? I got to make sure she's well taken care of.

Speaker 4:
[48:09] I will send 60% of the money to your wife and kid.

Speaker 3:
[48:17] I'll have to do some research to see if 60% is a good rate for that service. Because I know when-

Speaker 4:
[48:22] 40% I will give to chaotic things that you would be donating to if you were still alive.

Speaker 3:
[48:27] Erin, you're doing this pro bono.

Speaker 4:
[48:29] I'm doing it pro bono. I'm doing it out of the kindness of my heart.

Speaker 3:
[48:32] I need you to take a cut.

Speaker 4:
[48:33] I'll take a cut of your body. I will take your hand.

Speaker 3:
[48:36] My turkey.

Speaker 4:
[48:37] Your turkey for Thanksgiving.

Speaker 8:
[48:43] The hand of the body is the turkey of the body, right?

Speaker 5:
[48:46] Yeah, that's when you're making a turkey in grade school.

Speaker 3:
[48:49] Okay, call that. I guess my fucking hand turkey that I give Adal every year just fucking dirt.

Speaker 5:
[48:55] I will say, and this is nothing. The first time, I might have been in Kansas or something. The first time I saw a turkey, I was like, like my uncle or someone was like, oh, there's some turkeys. And I looked at them and I go, what are you talking about? And he goes, those are turkeys. And I'm like, I've drawn turkeys many a time. I've made over 200 turkeys with my hand. My dude, those are not turkeys. And eventually, as I got older, I'm like, oh, those are, I assume turkeys constantly had their tail out.

Speaker 3:
[49:24] Yeah.

Speaker 5:
[49:25] Full, full display. They do not.

Speaker 4:
[49:28] Yeah, they're being bashful.

Speaker 3:
[49:31] Is it kind of like, you thought like a turkey would be like more like a peacock?

Speaker 5:
[49:35] Yes. Yeah, okay. Even peacocks don't have it, don't have it fully blown all the time.

Speaker 3:
[49:40] No, no. Yeah. And sometimes whenever you see like a peacock, even peacocks, kind of a dirty tail, you're like, oh man, I'm sorry, man. I'm sorry, dirty tails color. Cause it should be big and beautiful, right? That's the whole, that's the whole point of a peacock.

Speaker 4:
[49:53] That's how I comfort men in bed. I go, yeah, even peacocks are not sort of doing their thing all the time.

Speaker 5:
[50:01] That happens to all, that happens to a lot of peacocks.

Speaker 4:
[50:04] And when I sleep with peacocks, it's awesome.

Speaker 6:
[50:09] I love the cum sandwich.

Speaker 3:
[50:11] Here's the idea that this is the last one. This is Ed's last one. Well, maybe I went on to do a lot of great other things. Maybe Ed's an astronaut now. We just don't know and we can't know and we don't want to know Ed.

Speaker 5:
[50:21] Is it Ed Astra?

Speaker 3:
[50:23] It is.

Speaker 5:
[50:23] Wasn't he an astronaut, I presume from the trailers?

Speaker 3:
[50:26] I'm assuming Ed Astra was an astronaut of some sort.

Speaker 5:
[50:30] I presume they spelled Ed wrong, A-D.

Speaker 3:
[50:34] Okay. My beginning would deny the sun his heavenly throne.

Speaker 5:
[50:39] Night?

Speaker 3:
[50:40] No. No. My middle is definitely a hole or maybe it's a stone. My end describes what belongs to a woman alone. My hole.

Speaker 4:
[50:57] What?

Speaker 3:
[50:58] Nothing. My hole, once you've said it, we can all go home.

Speaker 4:
[51:05] Goodbye.

Speaker 5:
[51:05] Jupiter.

Speaker 4:
[51:06] Jupiter.

Speaker 3:
[51:07] It's Jupiter.

Speaker 4:
[51:08] No, Casey. No, Casey.

Speaker 8:
[51:10] Well, luckily- Hot dogs. Well, Erin, come on.

Speaker 6:
[51:15] Hot dogs.

Speaker 8:
[51:17] Hot dogs. Really try to get out of the episode.

Speaker 3:
[51:21] That's very funny because, Ed, just a few months ago, that still would have ended the episode and we would be absolutely fucked and people would be pissed with this half episode in their feeds, but not anymore. But then Erin did say hot dogs, so I guess we have to end the episode.

Speaker 8:
[51:35] Hot dogs.

Speaker 5:
[51:36] Just for my peace of mind, can we go back through that? So the thing that keeps the sun from rolling into night?

Speaker 3:
[51:44] No, no, no. My beginning would deny the sun his heavenly throne, son, S-O-N. Jew? Jew.

Speaker 5:
[51:55] Jew.

Speaker 3:
[51:56] Because a Jewish person does not believe that Jesus was the son of God.

Speaker 5:
[51:59] Oh, yes, yes, yes.

Speaker 3:
[52:00] Son, his heavenly throne.

Speaker 5:
[52:02] I see, I see, I see.

Speaker 3:
[52:03] My middle is definitely a hole or maybe it's a stone, pit.

Speaker 5:
[52:07] Yeah.

Speaker 3:
[52:07] My end describes what belongs to a woman alone. No, just think like pronoun.

Speaker 5:
[52:15] Her.

Speaker 8:
[52:15] Her. Jew, pit, her.

Speaker 3:
[52:17] Jew, pit, her.

Speaker 5:
[52:18] I see.

Speaker 3:
[52:18] Yes, yes, yes. I think with a couple of these, you guys got it based off of the full word clue. So maybe if I were smarter, I would have just not given you the full word clue to begin with. But I was. Made you go through the parts, yeah.

Speaker 5:
[52:34] I will say I appreciate that there's two ends to start from, that you can attack it from either side. So I do really like that there's options.

Speaker 3:
[52:42] Yeah. Have we done things like that before?

Speaker 5:
[52:45] We have, but it's been a minute.

Speaker 3:
[52:47] Yeah. Maybe it was 2019, the last time we did them.

Speaker 5:
[52:49] Who knows?

Speaker 3:
[52:50] But thank you so much, Ed, for submitting. All right. I want to get to one that, okay. I thought this is hard and I didn't want it to be the one that we like started with because I thought this is a little hard. But I think that now that we're into it, you guys could get it, okay? Cool. This is from Michael Short, who said I could use their full name in New York. I guess I said in Y, I'm assuming that's New York. Michael says, you are sick and have been prescribed a very exacting medication regimen. You have two pill bottles. One says pill A, one says pill B. Every day, you must take one pill of A and one pill of B. You must be careful. Taking two or more Bs can have unpleasant side effects or even death. In order for the B to even work, it must be accompanied by the A. So you can only take one A and only take one B, okay? And you can't do more. You open up the clearly labeled A bottle, tap the bottle and one A pill drops into your hand. Then you open up the B bottle, tap it, and you accidentally get two B's falling out of the bottle into your hand. You now have three pills in your hand. Honey Nut Cheerio B's? And they're stinging you and you're dead.

Speaker 5:
[54:08] If the answer to this is going to be two B's or not two B's?

Speaker 3:
[54:12] Oh, Adal, and you have the rest of the day off, my friend.

Speaker 5:
[54:16] What?

Speaker 3:
[54:17] No, you're right. I already gave you a riddle off. I can't do it again just for a great joke. Okay, so you now have three pills in your hand and they all look exactly the same. They're all blue, the same size, and there are no markings of any kind on any of them. As soon as the pills fell under your hands, they got mixed up and you cannot tell which is which, okay? But you know that there's one A and two Bs in there. Of course, you could just throw the pills away and start over, but with health care in America, the pills cost $1,000 apiece. So how can you make sure that you get your daily and non-fatal dose of A and B without wasting any of the pills or your $1,000? This is why I wanted to save this one for the end because it's kind of a thinker, I would say.

Speaker 5:
[55:01] And just before we do the work, is this one where it's like, there's a legit like, you fill up this cone with 10 milligrams and then dump it into the 20 milligram and then from there, is it like that kind of thing or is it going to be like, is it going to be like a sort of trick answer?

Speaker 3:
[55:19] It's more of the first thing than the trick answer. Like you're like, oh, you take the bee and it flies away. It's like, it's not that.

Speaker 5:
[55:27] You see what you saw in that whole shit.

Speaker 3:
[55:29] Yeah, but you don't kind of have to do a lot of the like measuring or whatever. It's, yeah. But yes, you're more on the right track with the first version.

Speaker 5:
[55:39] So Erin, if you were to take a random pill, it's like a 33.33 repeating chance. And then with the last pill, it's a 50 50. Is this like a, not prices right? What's the, the Monty Hall problem?

Speaker 3:
[55:57] That's when they would all kind of dress up in like women's clothing and play silly characters in Camelot or whatever.

Speaker 5:
[56:03] I am the knight who's knee. I'm Monty Hall.

Speaker 4:
[56:07] Can you read it again? I'm going to write stuff down this time.

Speaker 3:
[56:09] Okay. Basically in your hand, you have one A pill and two B pills, but they all look exactly the same. You can only take one A and one B. You cannot take two of the B's or it could be very disastrous to you. So without throwing them away and starting again, how do you ensure that you're only taking one A and one B?

Speaker 5:
[56:34] For the sake of solving, which is what we're here for, do A and B taste the same?

Speaker 3:
[56:43] Interesting.

Speaker 4:
[56:44] They are the same color and everything. They look identical.

Speaker 5:
[56:47] I know they look identical. I just wanted to ask if the taste is the same.

Speaker 3:
[56:51] Yes, let's say that they have no properties that would give you any discernible difference. You won't get it from tasting or whatever, yes.

Speaker 4:
[57:01] Does one of them do something specific and so you can wait to see if it has that side effect?

Speaker 3:
[57:06] I love that question. No, you have to take them both at the same time. There's no way to wait for a side effect, but that is a great question. I will say, the answer to this involves a thing, and I've taken pills before, various medications, vitamins, things like that. This involves a thing that I know about, but I have never done except for my dog at one point. I did it for my dog at one point when they used to take a medication that they no longer take.

Speaker 6:
[57:37] Put it in peanut butter?

Speaker 5:
[57:38] Put it in your butt?

Speaker 3:
[57:39] God, oh my God.

Speaker 4:
[57:40] Cut it in half.

Speaker 3:
[57:42] Erin?

Speaker 4:
[57:43] You cut it in half.

Speaker 3:
[57:45] Okay, well, can you, but how, but how, how can we, how can we, how does that help us?

Speaker 5:
[57:50] You cut them, oh, go ahead.

Speaker 4:
[57:51] No, go ahead, after you.

Speaker 5:
[57:54] Erin, it was your idea.

Speaker 4:
[57:55] You cut them in thirds.

Speaker 3:
[57:58] Oh, you were right on the money with half.

Speaker 4:
[58:00] Half, okay.

Speaker 3:
[58:01] Okay, so, how did that help us? There's one thing that you have to do before you cut them in half. If you're cutting them in half as the first step, you're just gonna get-

Speaker 4:
[58:13] You have to separate them. Take them all out.

Speaker 3:
[58:15] Okay, wait, what?

Speaker 8:
[58:17] No, take them all out.

Speaker 4:
[58:22] Take all three out of the bottle and cut them in half.

Speaker 3:
[58:25] Yes, but they're all in your hand. You have three loose pills in your hand, one A and two Bs.

Speaker 4:
[58:31] Cut them all in half.

Speaker 3:
[58:32] Okay.

Speaker 4:
[58:33] But make sure they stay with their half.

Speaker 3:
[58:35] Okay.

Speaker 4:
[58:36] So you can keep track of-

Speaker 3:
[58:38] Sure.

Speaker 4:
[58:40] And then you take-

Speaker 3:
[58:41] No. There's something you have to- Adal, do you know there's something you have to do before you cut them all in half?

Speaker 5:
[58:47] Pray?

Speaker 3:
[58:50] Let's see, I'll give you a hint. There's an imbalance in them right now.

Speaker 5:
[58:56] Do you have to mark them?

Speaker 3:
[58:58] No, not mark them, but there's only one A and two Bs right now. So-

Speaker 5:
[59:07] You take one of them?

Speaker 3:
[59:09] You take another A out of the bottle.

Speaker 5:
[59:14] I didn't know we could do that. If you take another A out of the bottle, yes. Then if you cut them in half and have four of the halves.

Speaker 4:
[59:23] Yep. That's smart.

Speaker 5:
[59:26] But then that's, yeah, that's it. Wow. That's a good one.

Speaker 3:
[59:30] Yes. If you cut all the pills in half, you take another A out of the bottle and cut all the pills in half, you'll have, and you take four of those pills, you are sure to take one A and one B because as long as you're not keeping the new one separated and marking them as you go, and then save the other ones for the next day, and you'll have an exact four A's, and one A and one B from the four different half pieces.

Speaker 8:
[59:59] Smart. It's a half pieces, Riddle.

Speaker 3:
[60:02] I'm glad we didn't do that one first thing in the morning because I think Erin probably would have killed me if I-

Speaker 4:
[60:06] It's still early for me.

Speaker 3:
[60:07] I don't-

Speaker 4:
[60:08] Still before noon.

Speaker 3:
[60:10] I have what they call sympathy for you, Erin.

Speaker 4:
[60:15] I can't.

Speaker 8:
[60:16] I can't.

Speaker 3:
[60:17] It's not empathy because it's not that early for me right now.

Speaker 4:
[60:21] Unbelievable.

Speaker 8:
[60:22] It's almost two o'clock in the afternoon, but sympathy is there.

Speaker 3:
[60:25] Sympathy is there. I do want to see a scene. Erin, you are a chef in a kitchen. And basically, Adal and I are your sous chefs. The orders have gotten fucked up for today's supply, but you're having us fix it by just cutting everything in half.

Speaker 4:
[60:48] Great. Okay, everybody, we are behind, and I don't mean walking behind you, I mean we are behind on these orders. Let's see.

Speaker 5:
[60:55] Herd Chef.

Speaker 3:
[60:56] Can we use a different word?

Speaker 4:
[60:58] We are fucked, I guess. I don't mean what you guys do after these shifts in the alleyway.

Speaker 5:
[61:05] You've seen that, Chef?

Speaker 4:
[61:06] Yes. We got cameras everywhere. All right. What if we just start? I know that we're like a classic pub style restaurant.

Speaker 3:
[61:16] Chef, have you seen any of us stealing trash?

Speaker 4:
[61:18] Yep. Stealing trash, eating trash, digging through the trash. Someone's using trash to make art. That's the most depressing of all of them to me. Hey. And I just think, like, what if we rebrand really quickly and we become one of those fancy restaurants where the proportions are so small, and have a little bit of sauce on the plate and then a little something? Because then we can cut our burgers. It can be like a deconstructed burger where we take one-eighth of each burger, put it on a plate, put the sauce on. Everyone's sort of shifting nervously because now you found out I have cameras.

Speaker 3:
[61:52] Well, Chef, I was just thinking this is a portillo, so it's like a chain restaurant.

Speaker 4:
[61:58] Put an accent a goo over one of the letters. That seems like the least expensive thing. People will think it's a different entity and a little fancier.

Speaker 6:
[62:07] Portillos.

Speaker 3:
[62:08] Portillo.

Speaker 5:
[62:09] Portillos.

Speaker 4:
[62:10] Sure. Anyone else? Electrotilla. Anyone want to make eye contact with me? No, Chef. I didn't think so. All right.

Speaker 3:
[62:20] Can you see our faces for the people that are stealing the trash?

Speaker 4:
[62:23] Yeah, it's pretty clear. We also have very distinctive tattoos, so even if I couldn't see your faces, I'd be able to identify you in multiple different ways. Yes.

Speaker 5:
[62:30] Chef, I have a question.

Speaker 4:
[62:32] Yes.

Speaker 5:
[62:33] Not complaining about any of my coworkers. We're a team, but there's a bit of an overcooked situation going on, Chef, where a lot of us are just grabbing one ingredient at a time, where we could clearly grab a couple.

Speaker 4:
[62:46] Yeah, and some of you are getting hit by cars trying to bring the plate out to the customers. Can everyone be a little bit more careful?

Speaker 5:
[62:53] Everyone looks at the raccoon in the wheelchair. Yeah.

Speaker 3:
[62:56] Chef, could we maybe put a speed limit in the drive-through? Because that might be part of it as well.

Speaker 4:
[63:02] I feel like people are treating it like it's the Autobahn. We're not going to do that. Heard, Chef.

Speaker 3:
[63:06] Heard, Chef.

Speaker 4:
[63:06] We're never going to do that. A refrigerator just came whizzing by here.

Speaker 7:
[63:11] Was that this episode?

Speaker 5:
[63:12] No. No, Chef. But, Chef, I hope that Dave Matthews listens to that left. Am I fired?

Speaker 4:
[63:19] Yes.

Speaker 5:
[63:20] Sorry, Chef.

Speaker 4:
[63:21] Take your trash art and go.

Speaker 5:
[63:23] Sorry, Diane, for his own hat. I'm going to become an artist, and Dave Matthews will never listen to the last episode.

Speaker 3:
[63:31] He hit that raccoon in a wheelchair with his hat. See?

Speaker 5:
[63:35] I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

Speaker 3:
[63:39] I'm sorry.

Speaker 2:
[63:40] The wind blew it.

Speaker 3:
[63:42] All right. Well, thank you again for everyone who submit those riddles. Again, I've put this challenge on the show before. If I read your riddle from 2019 and you still have the e-mail that you sent to us, reply back to it. I would love to hear back from some of these people from 2019 to let me know that they're still in the world. Okay. Well, you know what? This is a great segue because now we can go to one of my absolute favorite segments on the show. It's the one where I say, Casey, do we have a voicemail theme?

Speaker 5:
[64:45] They might be giants with hot niggity dog.

Speaker 3:
[64:48] Waffle says, this is probably fair use and honestly, whatever, who cares? It's enough of a transformation. Thank you, Waffle, for sending that in. If you want to send it in, like we've just shown you, they can be anything. Voicemail theme, 30 seconds or less, hrpodcast.gmail.com. Casey, do you have a voicemail?

Speaker 9:
[65:09] Hi, Adal, Erin, JPC, Casey and possibly Janet. I am a big fan of yours from the UK and I have pet tarantulas. Actually, great pets. Over the last year, I have had parcel thieves steal a package of live food from me that contained 100 live cockroaches. Related question, is there a moment in your life that you would love to have been a fly on the wall? Love you guys.

Speaker 4:
[65:38] I am dazzled.

Speaker 5:
[65:39] Wow. Yeah. When that person opened that package, that would be a true delight to see the look on their face.

Speaker 3:
[65:46] I am in love with the term parcel thieves. It just sounds so much more great improv team name. Package thieves.

Speaker 4:
[65:55] We are the parcel thieves.

Speaker 5:
[66:00] I would say when I was younger, my family moved around quite a bit. I went to six different schools in five years or something. Sure. At one of the schools where I was newer too, someone kept stealing my lunch because we just keep our lunch in the back of the class and someone would take out what they wanted and left the rest. After a week and a half or two weeks of that, my mom, and I was probably like eight or something. My mom took, she always gave me her fruit roll up, which is just, if you don't have them in the UK, just a very pounded flat sheet of sugary fruit flavor. She soaked it overnight in hot sauce and then rolled it back up and put it back in the package. Then someone took my lunch or took the fruit roll up at some point that following week and then never took my lunch again. I would have loved to seen that kid or teacher or principal, vice principal, bite into that and be like, what the fuck is wrong with this? Then have a panic moment.

Speaker 3:
[67:06] That's a good fly in the wall moment.

Speaker 4:
[67:10] My brain, I don't know why I can't think of one. My brain more like wants to go back and see crazy things I did get to see once.

Speaker 3:
[67:19] Yeah.

Speaker 4:
[67:20] If I had a wish, there's certain wipeouts and funny falls and little miracles that I've seen that it would be so fun to go back and get to rewatch one of those. Or there's that time my sister, Armie crawled on the ground when I was having a sleepover with my friend because she knew the scary story that my friend was telling.

Speaker 3:
[67:42] Yeah.

Speaker 4:
[67:43] She waited until the exact right moment and popped out and scared us so much that one of us peed and one of us cried. Then she had to go home. If I could watch that, I could die happy.

Speaker 3:
[67:56] I think about all the times I farted in an elevator and then gotten off and watched a crowd of people get on.

Speaker 4:
[68:01] All the times.

Speaker 3:
[68:02] Oh, man. I also think it would be very funny in your mind to be like, wow, those bastards that stole my package got a hundred live cockroaches and then it cuts to the parcel thieves and it's like three human-sized spiders.

Speaker 8:
[68:17] They're like, oh, jackpot. We eat good today, brothers.

Speaker 3:
[68:25] I also, I don't think that this person left their name, but they said that they have tarantulas and tarantulas are good pets.

Speaker 6:
[68:30] What do we all think about that?

Speaker 4:
[68:32] Glad someone is loving them because I don't have it in me. But yeah, that sounds scary to me.

Speaker 5:
[68:38] If you're going to have, I despise spiders, no offense. But if you're going to have a spider as a pet, tarantula feels like the most, because it's the one, I don't know if this makes sense. Because it's big enough that you can keep track of it.

Speaker 3:
[68:53] Track of it, yeah.

Speaker 5:
[68:55] I think that's the one spider, like if I went somewhere and someone put one on my hand or something, I'd be like, I wouldn't be comfortable, but I'd be like, fine. Any other spider in the world you put on the back of my hand, I think I'm flipping out, so.

Speaker 3:
[69:06] For sure.

Speaker 5:
[69:07] Yeah.

Speaker 3:
[69:08] I like spiders. I see a spider in my house, I'm like, do your thing, King, we love you here, welcome. If I see a big ass spider, I'm like, okay. I got to keep my eye on you.

Speaker 5:
[69:19] Well, that's different. If it's loose in your house, I don't want to be one of those camel, whatever those are called, camel spiders.

Speaker 3:
[69:25] I also think I have to, I don't know enough about spiders to know which ones are the ones that can kill you. So I'm like, if I saw, but I know it's usually bigger.

Speaker 4:
[69:33] You're throwing the spider out with the bath water is what you're saying.

Speaker 3:
[69:37] I also know, and hey, if this is true and I'm ignorant, let that be, I'm the first to admit that that is possible. But I can't imagine like looking at my dog, I'm like, my dog loves me, loves me. Looking at a spider and being like, yeah, this spider loves me.

Speaker 8:
[69:53] I'm like, I don't know. I don't know about that.

Speaker 3:
[69:55] That's a good point.

Speaker 8:
[69:56] Does it? Is it? Does it? I don't know. I give it flies. I know that's part of the relationship, but does it love me? I'm not really. I can not tell you.

Speaker 3:
[70:06] But either way, thank you for leaving us the voicemail. That was awesome. What are we plugging? Oh, one big plug for April The Penguins. We all know we got new merch from Ariel Sinha. Five new teams. They're fucking awesome. Check it out in our Dashery Store. You can find the link in the episode description. Then Erin, what do you have to plug?

Speaker 4:
[70:26] I will plug Gumshoes and Dragons. We're having a lot of fun over there, having fun on the Patreon as well. We just recorded a one-shot that he hosted that I had a blast doing.

Speaker 7:
[70:38] So just come and hang out over there if it suits you fancy.

Speaker 4:
[70:41] Adal, anything to plug?

Speaker 5:
[70:43] I want to plug the Switch, and I'm assuming it's on other systems, Game Overcooked. Now, a bunch of little animal chefs tried to fulfill orders and chaos ensues.

Speaker 4:
[70:55] Sometimes you get hit by cars.

Speaker 5:
[70:57] Sometimes you get hit by a car, sometimes you're on a boat and the boat keeps rocking left to right and everything keeps sliding around the ship. It's a game to play with people that either you'd ever want to see again or you trust them implicitly and you can survive yelling.

Speaker 4:
[71:13] Yeah.

Speaker 5:
[71:13] But Overcooked, very good time.

Speaker 4:
[71:15] Yeah. If you want to test all of your relationships, download Overcooked.

Speaker 5:
[71:18] If you want to kick the tires on your marriage, play Overcooked.

Speaker 8:
[71:21] Yeah, if you want to kick the tires on your marriage.

Speaker 3:
[71:25] Hey, I want to plug leaving a review for the show. First of all, I just want to thank everybody that leaves reviews. It's always nice when you do even if I don't pick yours to read. But I read five-star reviews and today I'm going to read one from my cat Beelzebub and it's called My Dog Is So Well Trained Now. This is such a great podcast. The co-hosts are also experienced and the advice they give is top notch. I start out with a lazy labrador that always barks at the door, would eat off the counters, and wouldn't come when called. Now, I still have a lazy labrador, but he only eats food off the floor now mostly, doesn't bark at the door about 50 percent of the time, and at least looks at me when I call his name. The coming when called is still a work in progress. I will say the guests are a bit random and I'm not entirely sure what they have to do with dog training or animal behavior, but still 10 out of 10. The title of the podcast might seem a bit misleading, but trust me, this is the best animal behavioral dog training podcast around.

Speaker 8:
[72:17] Wow, I mean, I gotta agree.

Speaker 4:
[72:19] I love it. Thank you. I agree.

Speaker 5:
[72:20] JPC, you and that dog both come on called because you answer the phone.

Speaker 4:
[72:26] And you know what that dog reminds me of?

Speaker 3:
[72:28] Hey, hold on.

Speaker 8:
[72:29] Before you get there, Adal.

Speaker 3:
[72:30] Before you get there, Adal, take the rest of the podcast off, buddy.

Speaker 4:
[72:33] Wait, there's like 10 more seconds.

Speaker 8:
[72:35] Three for three. You deserve it. You deserve it.

Speaker 4:
[72:37] There's three more seconds, hot dogs. Unbelievable.

Speaker 3:
[73:12] Hey there, Gabriel's and Colin's. If you like that, you're going to love this week's Patreon. It's our first Penguin Baseball League cinematic feature. You can listen to that plus our entire back catalog at patreon.com/heyriddleriddle by joining the Clue Crew for $5 a month or start your seven-day free trial or the Review Crew for $8 a month. Plus you get those ad-free episodes. See you there.

Speaker 2:
[73:33] That was a Headgum Podcast.

Speaker 11:
[73:36] Hi, I am Mandy Moore.

Speaker 9:
[73:37] Sterling K. Brown.

Speaker 5:
[73:38] And I'm Chris Sullivan. And we host the podcast That Was Us, now on Headgum.

Speaker 11:
[73:43] Each episode, we're going to go into a deep dive from our show, This Is Us.

Speaker 9:
[73:47] That's right.

Speaker 11:
[73:48] We're going to go episode by episode. We're also going to pepper in episodes with different guest stars and writers and casting directors.

Speaker 5:
[73:56] Are we going to cry?

Speaker 3:
[73:58] Yes.

Speaker 10:
[73:58] A little bit.

Speaker 3:
[73:59] Are we going to laugh?

Speaker 10:
[74:00] A lot.

Speaker 6:
[74:00] A whole lot.

Speaker 10:
[74:01] That's what I'm hoping, man. Listen to That Was Us on your favorite podcast app or watch full video episodes on YouTube or Spotify. New episodes every Tuesday.