transcript

Speaker 1:
[00:00] The following podcast is a Dear Media production.

Speaker 2:
[00:05] Welcome to another episode of After Bedtime. I am sitting here with VP Hype Squad, my husband. Post, what do we want to call this? Post...

Speaker 3:
[00:15] The accident.

Speaker 2:
[00:16] Traumatic event. It wasn't an accident. Well, you accidentally smashed your head into a planter on the ground.

Speaker 3:
[00:23] Emergency?

Speaker 2:
[00:24] Sure.

Speaker 3:
[00:24] Medical emergency.

Speaker 2:
[00:25] Medical emergency. So we're sitting together for the first time.

Speaker 3:
[00:28] In two weeks, we haven't sat together.

Speaker 2:
[00:31] Yeah. I mean for a podcast.

Speaker 3:
[00:35] It's been longer than two weeks. Is this what it takes to get back on the show?

Speaker 2:
[00:39] Is that what it takes? That's what I'm about to intro, is that, hello besties, welcome to this very special episode that was supposed to be about our 10 year anniversary. So we went to Palm Springs for our 10 year anniversary. Lovely trip without children. And we brought our podcast equipment so that we could do an episode. 10 years of marriage, a trip to celebrate. We were going to share 10 lessons that we have learned over our 10 years is going to be light and easy and reflective.

Speaker 3:
[01:16] And then the universe was like, psych bitch.

Speaker 2:
[01:20] Then, and now we're going to get a little more serious. There are moments that split your life into before and after, and this episode might get a little bit emotional. But when I found Tyler bleeding outside of our hotel room, well, from the hotel bleeding from the head, as the headline said, I, it definitely became a before and after moment. The before, you think you have time. The after, you realize, holy shit, I don't have any time. Like now is the time. We were supposed to be recording this and having this episode on like a nice, relaxing Palm Springs day bed. And when I found Tyler outside of our hotel, and we'll get into what happened, in that moment, everything in my body went cold, dissociated. I mean, the worst going through my mind. And because suddenly there was a question that I had never let myself ask, what if this is it? What if it's over in this moment? And I have to be honest, it went through my mind many, many times. Not in that, when the EMT showed up, when we were at the hospital, it was terrifying. And what ran through my head was, what about all of the things we've been putting off and all of the conversations that we said we'll get to and all of the tiny resentments and the stupid fights and I haven't even been able to apologize for those. And what if this is how it ends? And the only thing that I could think was none of this fucking matters. Like, I don't care about any of it, not a single thing we've argued about, not the tone, not the timing, not who was right. The only thing that matters is that he has to be okay. He has to be okay. And whether or not I was about to lose the life that we built together. Oh, so this episode has shifted a bit. This episode is about 10 years of marriage. But really, it actually became about what becomes painfully clear when you're forced to face how fragile all of this actually is.

Speaker 3:
[03:23] We're just going to catch up after that, huh?

Speaker 2:
[03:24] We're just going to catch up. That was casual, right?

Speaker 3:
[03:26] We're just going to catch up. Here's the deal.

Speaker 2:
[03:28] Okay.

Speaker 3:
[03:28] I love going to our daughter's softball games. You know that.

Speaker 2:
[03:34] I think the people were expecting to find out what happened in more detail in Palm Springs. But I'm with you and I would love to talk about softball.

Speaker 3:
[03:42] So here's the thing. I love going to the games.

Speaker 2:
[03:44] Me too.

Speaker 3:
[03:45] During the weeks, there's no hot dogs at the concession stands. And I love hot dogs.

Speaker 2:
[03:51] Of course.

Speaker 3:
[03:51] I can put them down. But they only have them on the weekends. But her weekend games are at like 9 a.m. And listen, I would house some hot dogs at 9 a.m. Just not available.

Speaker 2:
[04:03] The timing is not the problem. The availability is the problem.

Speaker 3:
[04:06] They don't have them in the weeks, during the week and they don't have them on Saturday morning. So I love to go to softball games. I'm probably just going to start bringing my own hot dogs.

Speaker 2:
[04:13] I have an alternative solution because I always go into problem-solving mode instead of validation mode. This is a listen or fix, would you like a listen or a fix?

Speaker 3:
[04:22] Honestly, I would love a fix.

Speaker 2:
[04:23] Okay, great. See, this is great. So I feel like because the softball is in the suburbs, and do not confirm or deny this, there's probably a Costco somewhere in the vicinity. Okay. And I'm just going to say it's what, a dollar hot dogs? I'm just going to say like you go to the warm up, you know, or like right before you either drop her off, pick her with you, get a hot dog before the game, and just load up, get like three, four hot dogs, bring them to the stands. You know what I mean?

Speaker 3:
[04:50] I just like show up with six sodas. I'm just like, I just got sodas for everybody. Definitely didn't buy six hot dogs.

Speaker 2:
[04:56] Cause it just comes with the soda. You don't even want the soda.

Speaker 3:
[05:00] I brought sodas for the team. Don't worry about how or why.

Speaker 2:
[05:04] Or the fact that I'm showing up and giving your children soda.

Speaker 3:
[05:07] Don't worry about the 12 hot dogs. There were no 12 hot dogs. Don't worry about it.

Speaker 2:
[05:11] No one's getting a hot dog, but you're all getting a soda.

Speaker 3:
[05:14] We're out of hot dogs, guys. I regret to inform you. Anyway, so yeah, we were in Palm Springs.

Speaker 2:
[05:19] Okay, we're going there, yeah.

Speaker 3:
[05:20] We're going there. I don't even know how to segue into it.

Speaker 2:
[05:25] Yeah, you just did. That was good.

Speaker 3:
[05:26] It was good enough. Yeah, the before and after thing is wild. I joke about a lot of things at all times, and this is one that, this is something I can't really find the humor in it too much. We joke about it a little bit, but I have not thrown down some like, oh, that was in poor taste jokes about this, even though it happened to myself, because it's such a fragile event in our life. And there was so many different ways and so many different reasons this could have happened. And to be clear, we still don't know what happened. And it's like, we could get into all of it, but we're not going to. HIPAA, you know how it goes.

Speaker 2:
[06:09] Can we start just in like under a minute for anybody who doesn't know what happened? Yeah, sure.

Speaker 4:
[06:13] Like in under a minute, we were on our last day of a wonderful 10-year anniversary together.

Speaker 2:
[06:20] No kids. Thank God the kids were not there. Thank God you weren't alone with a kid because you take care of the kids a lot. So like, thank God you weren't alone with one of our kids.

Speaker 3:
[06:29] Yeah. And that happened. Good Lord. I had just come back with coffee. I thought I was going to throw up because I felt really dizzy.

Speaker 2:
[06:36] You felt also by the way, really off from the minute you woke up and all through the night. Not that we have to like completely describe every minute, but you were like, really not okay just as soon as you woke up. And we're like, oh, that's weird. You were like, really off.

Speaker 3:
[06:50] I thought it was just because I had a terrible night of sleep. So I felt really off, was progressively getting like dizzier during the morning, which is super abnormal. Thought I was going to throw up.

Speaker 2:
[06:59] So your shirt was soaked in sweat though, even before you threw up too. There were like so many warning signs beforehand. I know what I'm saying is also like your shirt being completely soaked in sweat happened before.

Speaker 3:
[07:11] That was like the least of my problems.

Speaker 2:
[07:13] But I'm saying I think it's weird. It's like a signal, a signal that something is off and wrong.

Speaker 3:
[07:17] I didn't feel good. I felt dizzy. Thought I was going to throw up. I went to go throw up, got super dizzy, couldn't hold on to the planet and just started like-

Speaker 2:
[07:25] Planet?

Speaker 3:
[07:26] The planet. If I let go of the planet, I would have shot into outer space.

Speaker 2:
[07:30] I don't follow, but go ahead.

Speaker 3:
[07:33] You know. So I was holding on for dear life and then just ka-pow, ka-blammo, Kelly Kapowski right into this metal planter with my face.

Speaker 2:
[07:44] Yeah.

Speaker 3:
[07:45] And that was not great.

Speaker 2:
[07:46] No.

Speaker 3:
[07:47] And then I was like, I'm bleeding.

Speaker 2:
[07:49] A lot.

Speaker 3:
[07:50] A lot. I was like, my face is very wet right now. And then, you know, when you know, like classic Tyler.

Speaker 2:
[07:55] Yeah.

Speaker 3:
[07:56] I was, I opened my one eye.

Speaker 2:
[07:58] Okay.

Speaker 3:
[07:58] And I was like, see all this blood.

Speaker 2:
[07:59] Because the other one won't open.

Speaker 3:
[08:00] I think it did, but I was like, whatever this is, I don't want it in my eyeball. You know, you watch the movies, you don't want blood in your eyes, right?

Speaker 2:
[08:06] Sure.

Speaker 3:
[08:06] So I open my eye, I see all this blood dripping off of my face. And I go, oh, I'm dripping it on the planter. I need to move forward. So I drip it onto the dirt instead of on the planter.

Speaker 2:
[08:16] That's so you to just be like, I'm sorry, I don't want to inconvenience you, planter.

Speaker 3:
[08:20] I felt really bad. I was like, the hotel probably paid a lot for this planter. I don't want to get blood stained.

Speaker 2:
[08:25] I just want to tell you that there's blood, and I don't want squeamish besties, I'm sorry, but there's blood fucking everywhere. It's a pool of blood on the bottom. There is blood all over the planter. His sunglasses are split in half. There's blood everywhere.

Speaker 3:
[08:39] And I really didn't know.

Speaker 2:
[08:40] All of this happened, by the way, and I'm not there for any of it. He's all alone. And then in this time, there's convulsing happening. By the time I do get out there and find him, and he's with other people from the hotel, thank God. He's convulsing even more. They take him off to the ambulance, which is absolutely... That whole moment was just like the moment I was talking about before, where it's like time slowed down. Holy shit. Is this about to be like the moment that I am traumatized for the rest of my life and everything changes in this second. He goes to the hospital. Even that is traumatizing. Like I said, he couldn't talk for like 10 hours. His eyes are closed for 10 hours. It was just a really, really, really, really traumatic, scary event.

Speaker 3:
[09:30] Yeah. I mean, in the moment, I was just focused on my face hurting. But as that subsided, I was like, holy cow, this could have been so much worse. Yes, this was a terrible accident, but I am so fortunate regarding the circumstances and the causes. And I won't get into all the details about what we do and don't know about why this happened, but they did an x-ray of my head and there was no tumors or brain swellings or signs of concussions or signs of a seizure. So while there's still a lot of unknown around this, which itself is scary because I'm like, oh, could this potentially happen again? That's kind of scary to have that lingering. But at the same time, there's so much stuff that got ruled out that I'm just incredibly grateful for.

Speaker 2:
[10:16] Thank God.

Speaker 3:
[10:17] Yeah.

Speaker 2:
[10:17] Thank God. We didn't know that for a while, too. So that was really scary, just living in it for eight hours. And you can't open your eyes and you can't talk, or barely talk, mumbling. We have no idea what's in there, what's not in there, what's happening. That was the most terrifying part. Yeah.

Speaker 3:
[10:32] And my arm and my collarbone and my face, and surprisingly, I only needed stitches. And even the ER doctor was amazed that I didn't break any facial bones or my collarbone because especially, like, there was an impact on my collarbone that was, like, quite severe and very lacerated. And he was like, I have no idea how this is not broken.

Speaker 2:
[10:55] Yeah.

Speaker 3:
[10:55] So again, like, just, I feel super fortunate and I can't even joke about it because, like, I know other people do not come out of this so lucky. And so I don't even want to want to joke about it because of how fortunate I was in this situation, regardless of how scary it was for Kristin and myself.

Speaker 2:
[11:14] Terrifying.

Speaker 3:
[11:15] Not good.

Speaker 2:
[11:16] Terrifying.

Speaker 3:
[11:16] Wouldn't recommend it.

Speaker 2:
[11:16] EMDR. Immediately.

Speaker 3:
[11:18] EMDR.

Speaker 2:
[11:19] For me. Immediately. Finding you.

Speaker 3:
[11:21] Straight to EMDR.

Speaker 2:
[11:23] Jesus. Oh my God. Okay. So are you ready? Do you want to go into the 10 things we've learned in our 10 years of marriage that got shifted a little bit based on this, like, big event of being like, oh, all the shit that I thought mattered before maybe doesn't matter as much.

Speaker 3:
[11:39] Yeah, I'd definitely like to jump into that.

Speaker 2:
[11:41] Let's jump into it.

Speaker 1:
[11:45] I don't know if this ever happens to you, but I have these moments where I just randomly walk into my house, look around and have a full identity crisis. I'm like, is this my style? Was this ever my style? And whenever I have this little identity crisis in my home, there is one place I go and it's Wayfair. It is the first place I go when I need to do a little upgrade, I need to tie a room together. They are officially having Way Day at Wayfair. And this is not a casual sale. This is like up to 80% off fast and free shipping on everything. Like recently, I got this outdoor set up. There's a rug, there's seating. It's like the whole thing. And now we all love hanging out, especially with the warm weather. It makes the outdoor hangout spot just feel so much nicer. We all want to be there. And also Wayfair verified, obsessed. Their team literally vets products through a 10-point inspection, so you're not just guessing and hoping it looks good when it shows up, because nothing is worse than ordering something and being like, hmm, this is not what I had in mind. And the shipping, fast, free, no drama. It just showed up, worked out, which is apparent, is honestly the bar. Make your home feel like you want it to. Wayday is the sale to shop the best deals in home. We're talking up to 80% off with fast and free shipping on everything. Head to wayfair.com April 25th through the 27th to shop Wayday. That's wayfair.com. Wayfair, every style, every home. Okay, I want to take you back to the moment before we started Big Little Feelings. Truly, we just had this idea. It was in our hearts. We knew we wanted to help parents. And also, we had absolutely no clue what we were doing. And I think every single person who has ever started anything, a podcast, a business, anything, knows exactly that feeling. You got to take that shot. And once you decide to go for it, you need something that actually makes it possible to run the thing. And that's where Shopify comes in. Shopify powers millions of businesses, like literally 10% of all e-commerce in the US., wild, and it's built to make your life easier. You can build a beautiful online store with their templates, which is huge because branding is overwhelming when you're just starting. They have a ton of tools. They've integrated AI that can help you write product descriptions, headlines, even enhance your product photos if you need it. And the biggest thing, everything is in one place. Inventory, payments, analytics. You are not juggling 15 different platforms trying to figure out what's going on. So, if you've been sitting on an idea stuck in that kind of what-if loop, this is your sign. It's your time to turn those what-ifs into with Shopify today. Sign up for your $1 per month trial today at shopify.com/blf. Go to shopify.com/blf. That's shopify.com/blf. I walk into the kitchen and it's quiet, which if you're a parent, you already know it's not a good sign. I turn the corner and there is yogurt everywhere. Floor, cabinet, rug, child, yogurt everywhere. And I stood there like I cannot scrub another rug, which is exactly why I'm obsessed with tumble rugs. I have two in my home. They are beautiful. They are spill proof. And by that, I mean that liquid literally beads up on top of it. So you can just wipe it off. It feels great. And second, they're machine washable, like actually washable. You can take that top layer off and throw it in the washer, and it's done. And so the rug pad system, it is genius. It is cushioned, non-slip, tucks into hidden pocket so it doesn't slide around or bunch up. They're also non-toxic. They're OEKO tech certified. So safe for your kids, pets, all the chaos happening on your floors. I also have one right now in a high traffic area, which is our front door, and it has proven the test of time. So if your house is like mine, where life is actually happening, there's spills, there's messes, there's just chaos, you need this. Machine washable rugs made better. For a limited time only, our listeners get 10% off and free shipping at tumbleliving.com/blf. That's T-U-M-B-L-E living.com/blf. After you purchase, they'll ask you where you heard about them, and please support our show and tell them our show sent you.

Speaker 2:
[16:26] I don't think that we're sharing this from like, here are the research-backed Gottman Institute to make your marriage better. And also for the besties listening, this is just completely anecdotal of like five things that I have learned in being married for 10 years, and you, the five things that you've learned in the five years of being married. And we're going to share that.

Speaker 3:
[16:47] 10 years being married.

Speaker 2:
[16:48] And it could be wrong.

Speaker 3:
[16:49] I love the word anecdotal.

Speaker 2:
[16:50] You do?

Speaker 3:
[16:51] I love it too. It's so satisfying.

Speaker 2:
[16:53] Whoa, like the sound of it?

Speaker 3:
[16:54] Yeah. Not like there's the other word that's like where you're circling, per-severating? Perseverating. I hate that word.

Speaker 2:
[17:03] Yeah, me too.

Speaker 3:
[17:03] That's terrible.

Speaker 2:
[17:05] Oh, just like how it feels.

Speaker 3:
[17:06] I'm going to think about it a lot about-

Speaker 2:
[17:09] We're making autism jokes.

Speaker 3:
[17:10] The per-severating joke for you.

Speaker 2:
[17:11] Not because we're making fun of autistic people, reviews, reviewers. It's because Tyler has autism.

Speaker 3:
[17:18] Shout out reviewers that don't listen to the whole thing.

Speaker 2:
[17:23] We love you, reviewers.

Speaker 3:
[17:25] Only if you're leaving thumbs up and five stars.

Speaker 2:
[17:27] I feel like most people do for you, so that's good. It's just like one time that we didn't disclose that you have autism, and we were laughing about something autistic. And then I understand how somebody could get there, where it's just like, what the fuck? Are you guys making fun of autistic people?

Speaker 3:
[17:40] That would be miffed.

Speaker 2:
[17:43] I don't know what that word is.

Speaker 3:
[17:45] It's like upset. It sounds sexual. Mildly upset. Miffed? Miffed.

Speaker 2:
[17:49] Okay, so 10 things we have learned in our 10 years of marriage, we each brought five things, neither of us have shared what the five things are. Fun fact is that I prepped my five things, which is, I do prep for the podcast actually, I don't prep for anything else in my life, and Tyler is free balling it. Is that right?

Speaker 3:
[18:10] Just like our marriage.

Speaker 2:
[18:11] So if you're listening to this, whether you're married, partnered, or just loving someone deeply, I don't know, even your cat or your dog, I think you'll honestly hear yourself somewhere in this, because this is not a polished advice how to have a perfect marriage. This is just us being together, learning and sharing what we have learned. We've been married for 10 years, but how long have we been together?

Speaker 3:
[18:34] Like 16 years.

Speaker 2:
[18:35] That's a lot.

Speaker 3:
[18:36] That's a lot of years.

Speaker 2:
[18:37] That's a lot of years.

Speaker 3:
[18:38] Where I am looking out for when we cross the threshold of more than half our life, which is not far away.

Speaker 2:
[18:44] Whoa, I got chills.

Speaker 3:
[18:47] Actually, we only have like a year left.

Speaker 2:
[18:49] Can we celebrate that?

Speaker 3:
[18:50] Yeah.

Speaker 2:
[18:51] Could you not have a medical event on that one?

Speaker 3:
[18:53] We'll see.

Speaker 2:
[18:53] Okay.

Speaker 3:
[18:55] No promises.

Speaker 2:
[18:56] Okay, do you want me to go first or you go first?

Speaker 3:
[18:58] Obviously, I want you to go first.

Speaker 2:
[18:59] Of course you do. I don't know why I asked.

Speaker 3:
[19:00] I need you to set the stage, because if I go first, you're gonna be like, that is not what I'm looking for at all.

Speaker 2:
[19:05] I want you to not base it off of mine though.

Speaker 3:
[19:07] I'm going to.

Speaker 2:
[19:08] No, so you go first then.

Speaker 3:
[19:09] But my own stuff.

Speaker 2:
[19:10] I want you to free ball it.

Speaker 3:
[19:11] All right, number one, I have learned to appreciate the moments where we frustrate each other.

Speaker 2:
[19:18] Oh.

Speaker 3:
[19:19] But like in the, not the ways that like, oh, you keep leaving the toilet seat up. Not you, that would be a me thing. That would be weird if you did that.

Speaker 2:
[19:24] You actually don't do that.

Speaker 3:
[19:25] I don't do that.

Speaker 2:
[19:26] Never not one time in 18 years. It's amazing.

Speaker 3:
[19:28] Maybe, no, like a couple of times.

Speaker 2:
[19:30] No.

Speaker 3:
[19:30] Couple of times.

Speaker 2:
[19:31] Never.

Speaker 3:
[19:31] But the times when you're like really ribbing me, like ribbing, do we say that? In the new millennia, ribbon. Like where you're ribbing me when like, it's like a playful, joking, but like very bothering. But like at the same time, you still can like tell the other person's like not angry about it yet. You're getting there. This doesn't make sense. What's a way to describe it?

Speaker 2:
[19:54] This might be why I asked you to write them down.

Speaker 3:
[19:56] It makes sense in my head.

Speaker 2:
[19:58] Okay, go back to what you said, cause it was really good. What was it? And then go and just explain that. Cause you did not explain what you actually said out loud. You said, I learned to enjoy the moments where.

Speaker 3:
[20:16] Where you aggravate me.

Speaker 2:
[20:18] It was something else, but sure, go with that.

Speaker 3:
[20:20] No, it wasn't aggravate. It was like where you.

Speaker 2:
[20:22] Were not getting along or something like that.

Speaker 3:
[20:24] Yeah. Oh, oh, oh, oh, here's a good way to describe it. Okay. When there is like, when we are frustrating one another, and then one of us just makes that slight slight, as you like to say, bid.

Speaker 2:
[20:37] I do say.

Speaker 3:
[20:38] Of humor in that moment where we know we're on each other's nerves severely and it could snap at any moment. And one of us will slide a little teeny joke in there.

Speaker 2:
[20:47] A bid for connection.

Speaker 3:
[20:49] A little bid joke connection in there.

Speaker 2:
[20:50] Yeah.

Speaker 3:
[20:51] And then accepting that, because that's a fun one. That's a fun bid to accept.

Speaker 2:
[20:56] I agree with you.

Speaker 3:
[20:57] Try to find the levity in those more difficult, aggravated moments. It's not going to work every time. But when you can, that's a joyful experience, I feel like.

Speaker 2:
[21:08] I think for me, it's learning. And by the way, this comes from couples therapy as well, because this is a literal Gottman thing, is when you are having conflict, somebody has to be the first one to make either a bid or to make a timeout. So you're not always going to get a bid. And that might be fine. But someone's got to be the person in a conflict to either say, hey, we're getting too heated. I need a timeout. I need 10, 15 minutes or whatever. And they need to respect it. Or somebody has to be the first one to drop the rope and make a bid. That bid for us, a lot of times is humor, or sometimes the bid can be, hey, I'm sorry, that's harder in the moment for a lot of people.

Speaker 3:
[21:50] That one's probably not happening.

Speaker 2:
[21:52] But be the first one to make a bid. And that is one thing that has taken us a long, long time, and that we are still very much in progress on, but that we didn't even have the language for before. And we weren't even trying. The conflict just goes and goes and goes. It's all our stupid shit. But the bid, and noticing the bid, and then accepting the bid, I love that too.

Speaker 3:
[22:13] Yeah, it's a good one.

Speaker 2:
[22:14] Good one. I have one that was similar to that. So I'll just, I'll pivot all the way to that one. Instead, it was my number three.

Speaker 3:
[22:20] Okay.

Speaker 2:
[22:20] Okay. The way we talk to each other when we're stressed matters more than when things are good.

Speaker 3:
[22:28] Yes.

Speaker 2:
[22:29] You have to think about that for a second. And I don't know that I always thought that either, especially at the beginning of 16 years, you know, there's so much of this sort of fantasy, but you just, you like, it's so much easier. It's so easy. And like, you know, conflict might happen here and there, and this is before kids and stuff like that. And you have to really learn and evolve and grow to be comfortable with conflict and comfortable with stress, because it's part of real life. So I very much used to think, and I think you were in the same boat too, where it's like, if there is conflict and if there is stress in a marriage or relationship, it's like something's wrong, like this is over, everything is over, oh my God, you know, going to this worst case scenario, because I think that's what was modeled to us, that might also just be how we viewed relationships, because we never saw successful relationships, so we thought like, oh, relationships are more or less perfect, and if something is awry, then like 911, it's over. And I think through couples therapy, through learning what other people's marriages are like, which none of them are perfect, every single one of them has conflict and stress in it.

Speaker 3:
[23:41] And you're not getting the details, you're never getting the whole situation.

Speaker 2:
[23:44] Until you start opening up and talking about it though. And then I did learn that stress is so normal, conflict is so normal, but how, going back to this, how you talk to each other during the conflict and during the stressed moments matters more than when things are good. And that for me, again, just like mind blowing, mind blowing. Anybody can be patient when they're rested and regulated and happy. That's easy, but it's not real life. And there's kids crying and you're over stimulated and you're touched out. And the way we speak to each other there, I think being very, very committed to trying to be better in those moments, that's what I've learned. We're not even get those moments perfect, but we're trying really hard to speak better to each other in those stressful moments.

Speaker 3:
[24:37] And you mean like speaking kindly and not aggressively with one another.

Speaker 2:
[24:40] Yeah. Or even if things start to get aggressive because that's conflict, then it's like, how does one snap out of it? How does one ask for a time out? How does one become the bit like we just talked about? How do you handle, then also, how do you handle the conflict after, you know? Or when you are stressed, we are very good, I would say, about not being below the belt, so.

Speaker 3:
[25:02] We do a really good job with that. I will give us major props.

Speaker 2:
[25:05] Major props.

Speaker 3:
[25:07] We have name called each other one time each, I think in our entire 16 years, which is remarkable.

Speaker 2:
[25:13] Destroyed both of us when it happened. It was like, what?

Speaker 3:
[25:16] It was very surprising and shocking both times, I feel like.

Speaker 2:
[25:19] Yeah. We are very, so even though what you and I have, we'll just be very honest with the besties, is just like, we're always pinning to be right. We just can't let it go. What we're trying to do is be understood. We're just trying to be understood.

Speaker 3:
[25:33] We want each other to understand how we're feeling.

Speaker 2:
[25:35] So we're just going back and forth and back and forth and leveling up and leveling up. However, I will say that the way we speak to each other in those moments, I am proud of, because we do not go below the belt. And then B, we're really, really committed to furthering our sort of conflict style of getting better and better and better at handling those moments.

Speaker 3:
[25:58] Yeah, I think that's another really great thing, is that we've made...

Speaker 2:
[26:01] Wait, is this your second thing or is this...

Speaker 3:
[26:03] This is not my second thing.

Speaker 2:
[26:04] Okay, we're just spitballing. Go ahead.

Speaker 3:
[26:06] We're just rolling with it. Is that we do have a commitment towards slowly but surely improving our communication and our conflict style over time, which I'm proud of. And it's not perfect. There's still room for improvement. But this does lead me into like my number two.

Speaker 2:
[26:24] Oh, great.

Speaker 3:
[26:25] Is not personalizing everything in our conflict. Is this all going to be conflict?

Speaker 2:
[26:33] No, not for me. It might be for you because it's a surprise. You don't know what your other four are.

Speaker 3:
[26:38] This is why I need freedom. This is why I need to be able to expand my wings. Is that what they say about birds?

Speaker 2:
[26:44] Spread your wings.

Speaker 3:
[26:44] Spread my wings. Yeah, damn. How did I get that one wrong?

Speaker 2:
[26:47] Expand your wings.

Speaker 3:
[26:48] Expand my wings.

Speaker 2:
[26:49] I think you could also expand them.

Speaker 3:
[26:51] Stretch my wings, spread my wings.

Speaker 2:
[26:53] Mobility exercises.

Speaker 3:
[26:56] Anyways, is not personalizing things in conflict. Is that very often, I think, through life experiences, is that when there is conflict, that it is about me personally, as a person deep down the core of my personhood, when it's not, when it's about when we should take the trash out, when the dishes need to be done. You make a comment about when I should be doing the dishes, or when any, see, I already personalized it. When we should be doing the dishes as a family, I'm like, goddamn, I am just a piece of shit. And that's not the conversation.

Speaker 2:
[27:35] So how it goes is I'll be like, very objectively, and I'll always do the gothman thing too. And I'll be like, hey, because I know, I know based on your trauma, it always goes to that place. But like something objective, right? Where it's just like, hey, dishes are out of control. And I don't say it's like you, dishes are out of control. We should try, I don't know, switching off every other night or something like thing. You go to a place of like, I'm a piece of shit, she's calling me a piece of shit, I'm awful, I'm the worst husband, blah, blah, blah, blah. And like spiral and shame on the inside. And then what comes out then is like, you are so critical, I can't do anything right. And then you snap back and argue and whatnot.

Speaker 3:
[28:21] And then we go to Argy Town.

Speaker 2:
[28:22] Argy Town. Okay, so that's great. Not personalizing. I think also, not just from me, but also in general.

Speaker 3:
[28:28] But this is regarding our relationship. Well, this is about our relationship.

Speaker 2:
[28:32] Yeah.

Speaker 3:
[28:33] Well, and no, it's everything. If someone stops at a yellow light, they're doing it because they hate me.

Speaker 2:
[28:38] Yeah, no, it's like a real...

Speaker 3:
[28:40] I'm just talking about in our relationship. I'm trying to depersonalize.

Speaker 2:
[28:45] Real problem. Meanwhile, I am just like, nothing is about me.

Speaker 3:
[28:49] Oblivious, oblivious.

Speaker 2:
[28:50] Not a single soul gives a shit about me.

Speaker 3:
[28:55] So unbothered.

Speaker 2:
[28:55] And then every once in a while, you'll remind me or somebody will remind me and be like, you have like three and a half million people that follow you and care about you. And I'm like, word, some people do, or like, you know.

Speaker 3:
[29:08] I do, cause I experienced that firsthand. Yeah. Like after the accident and you posted about it. And then like the thousands of comments and well wishes and text messages and DMs.

Speaker 2:
[29:19] Like tens of thousands.

Speaker 3:
[29:21] Floored.

Speaker 2:
[29:22] I know. It was incredible. I really actually felt that and took that in too. I have to say that. That was fucking insane. That was fucking, it felt so good. Wow. People care about us.

Speaker 3:
[29:34] So, shout out. Even if you didn't say anything or anything, like if you just saw that and you were like, damn, that sucks. I appreciate you.

Speaker 2:
[29:41] No, really. It really actually did mean a lot.

Speaker 3:
[29:43] It meant a lot to me.

Speaker 2:
[29:44] Yeah. So, okay. So you take everything like personalizing and that's because of, and we don't have to get in like trauma, a little bit of autism.

Speaker 3:
[29:54] I don't know.

Speaker 2:
[29:55] I think so, right? Well, we'll find out. We'll report back. Personalizing everything.

Speaker 3:
[30:01] I've learned to depersonalize conflict.

Speaker 2:
[30:03] You're trying to learn.

Speaker 3:
[30:04] I'm learning to. I'm aware of trying to.

Speaker 2:
[30:07] All of these things are like works in progress, but we did not have any of this knowledge before our marriage.

Speaker 3:
[30:14] Can you believe it? We didn't know this when we were 20.

Speaker 2:
[30:17] But it's good because we would just think like, oh, you're an asshole and I'm this and you're control. And now we actually have the language and the wherewithal to understand our patterns and understand how we're showing up and how we're communicating and what we're learning. That's what this is about. Okay, so that was your number two. In the moment of seeing you in the hospital, like for the very first time and you looked rough, like rougher than you did outside, like it was terrifying.

Speaker 3:
[30:46] You took a picture and I was like, don't show me that, that looks terrible. I don't wanna see it.

Speaker 2:
[30:50] Literally guys, like if you saw this, it looks like he's one step away from death, I'm not joking.

Speaker 3:
[30:56] It looks bad.

Speaker 2:
[30:57] Really bad.

Speaker 3:
[30:58] It looks bad.

Speaker 2:
[30:59] It was so traumatizing. So in that moment, this is what came to my mind, was these small moments. So my number two is in our 10 years of marriage, what I have learned is that it's actually not about the big moments. I'm always planning and always doing this and always thinking like, oh, we got to do this big thing. And when you go to Disneyland, and what about spring break trip and all of this. And in the moment when it was just like, oh shit, and you're getting like images flashing through. I'm going to cry. I hope I don't cry, but I might cry. It's like I'm seeing Tyler with our kids, and he's doing the wrestling thing that he does with them that only he can do on our couch, and the sun is in the background, and the kids are laughing hysterically, and he's shaking them and then throwing them, and they're all laughing hysterically. And that's what came to my mind, was just these little glimmer moments. It was also a flash of just holding a hand on a walk. And I'm sure on that walk with the kids in front of us, somebody was melting down before it. I'm sure there was something horrible that happened around it. But I was picturing all of these just like micro moments, and none of them were from Paris or from some elaborate big thing. Every single one of them was just these small moments in the kitchen, in the morning, a glance. The small stuff is the big stuff that we take with us.

Speaker 3:
[32:35] That is beautiful, and it leads in to what will be my number two now. My number three is appreciating the small moment.

Speaker 2:
[32:45] Wait, but you don't have a list already. So are you just saying? I'm just copying you. Don't worry about it. At this point, I'm like, wait a minute. I was like, oh, how Sarah Diffin is. We have the same list, and now I'm realizing you don't have a list.

Speaker 3:
[32:57] Your point was the big stuff doesn't matter. And my point is, appreciate the little things. Two very different things. Well, you want to talk about before and after, and after, especially in those immediate days after, is those were the things I was noticing with you and with the kids and with friends and family, is those small moments, like the walking with our kids or sitting and cuddled with you and how your skin feels and how your hair smells, and those small laughs from the kids or how they say daddy or noodle being sweet, noodle being a sweetie.

Speaker 2:
[33:41] Noodle came into the mind. Oh, how sweet.

Speaker 3:
[33:44] He was such a sweetie when we came home.

Speaker 2:
[33:45] Oh my God.

Speaker 3:
[33:46] He was so gentle and he's been such a recuperatory dog. That's not a word. It actually probably is.

Speaker 2:
[33:54] I was going to say like a support dog.

Speaker 3:
[33:55] But no, it's like noticing. And then I've been noticing them when I'm out on my walks with Noodle. It's like the sun feels great, like take that in, like this smells nice, take that in. And appreciating the things for what they are. And that's something I was trying to even work on in the first place, but that's like just even put it more into focus after the incident, the accident.

Speaker 2:
[34:18] The incident. We need a re-brand of a word.

Speaker 3:
[34:22] The accident. The event.

Speaker 2:
[34:25] Trainwreck.

Speaker 3:
[34:25] I don't like the event. The trainwreck.

Speaker 2:
[34:27] Okay. I'm moving on to the next one, number three, right? For me?

Speaker 3:
[34:30] Number three for you. I can't wait to use it for my number four.

Speaker 2:
[34:33] It's literally.

Speaker 3:
[34:36] So let's hear it so I can start planning.

Speaker 2:
[34:38] I wish you would have prepped a list because I kind of wish that there was, you would normally probably say such different things than me.

Speaker 3:
[34:44] No, I actually have a good one for the next one.

Speaker 2:
[34:46] Okay, why don't you go first, though?

Speaker 3:
[34:47] Okay, I'll go into mine. See? Wait, then that puts me at number four and you at number three. I'm fine with that. I'll go two in a row. I don't care.

Speaker 2:
[34:57] We're the bosses of this. Do you know that?

Speaker 3:
[34:59] I'm second-in-command here. I can do almost what I want. I can almost do whatever I want, I bet. Go ahead. Maybe. Go ahead. Don't be afraid to set boundaries. I've learned to not be afraid to set boundaries, if that's okay if I say that. Stop it.

Speaker 4:
[35:16] Is that a joke?

Speaker 2:
[35:17] I think you were being real, though. No, it's a joke.

Speaker 3:
[35:19] I'm a great actor.

Speaker 2:
[35:20] Wow.

Speaker 3:
[35:21] Insofar as making sure my needs are met, my wants are met, and oh, did I take it without even knowing it?

Speaker 2:
[35:30] No, but this is so weird. When we sat down for this episode, Besties Listener, I sat down and I was like, fuck, I had a really good one in the car. And it's like more important than all the other ones that I wrote down and I have to do it. And then I forgot it and I was like, well, it's gone. That's what it is. And then you just said it. And it's not about boundaries though. It's about needs. So go ahead. I'm gonna go ahead and-

Speaker 3:
[35:50] Steal that.

Speaker 2:
[35:51] Follow up after you finish talking.

Speaker 3:
[35:53] Yeah, I bet.

Speaker 2:
[35:54] Go ahead.

Speaker 3:
[35:54] It took me a long time for personal reasons to prioritize myself. But it was also important I found in our marriage and for anybody's marriage, prioritize yourself. Don't be an asshole, but take care of yourself. And I put that off for a long time. And I'm in a place now where I'm able to say like, hey, I'm gonna do this. This is what I'm gonna do for me.

Speaker 2:
[36:17] It's not even a boundary with you, which is funny that you call it a boundary. I mean, I think that's good because it feels that big to your body. It's like just saying, when I'm literally saying like, please, what do you need? What can fulfill you? What is gonna make you better? I will do anything. And you're like, I am going to walk noodle at four. And I'm like, great. And to you, that feels like a boundary.

Speaker 3:
[36:43] The problem is, is that like, like when you're like, what do you need? And I'm like, a walk. And you're like, what else? And I'm like, a trip halfway around the world. There's like-

Speaker 2:
[36:52] I still make both happen, so.

Speaker 3:
[36:53] I know, but there's like no in between.

Speaker 2:
[36:55] Yeah.

Speaker 3:
[36:56] There's no in between.

Speaker 2:
[36:56] Well, we're working on it. What is the, in like 30 seconds or less, what's behind this? Why do you have such a hard time saying, prioritizing your own needs?

Speaker 3:
[37:05] I've always been a people pleaser. I've always been a people pleaser. My attachment type has been all fumbled up. So I'm like-

Speaker 2:
[37:13] What's your attachment type for the besties that don't know?

Speaker 3:
[37:16] I got that anxious attachment type, baby.

Speaker 2:
[37:18] What does that mean for the besties that don't know what anxious attachment means?

Speaker 3:
[37:21] Besties, do you ever feel like your partner is more important than you, and you have to do everything in your power to please them and make them happy? Even if it's to your detriment? Congrats, you've got anxious attachment diagnosed officially.

Speaker 2:
[37:35] Officially by Tyler Denham.

Speaker 3:
[37:36] Officially by Tyler, you're diagnosed now.

Speaker 2:
[37:38] Okay.

Speaker 3:
[37:39] Anyways, it took a while to-

Speaker 2:
[37:40] Where does that stem from?

Speaker 3:
[37:42] Childhood dog.

Speaker 2:
[37:45] Could we remove the dog and the, I don't know what you said before this, you know, where I'm just like asking you a question and it's always ending. I'm not gonna be serious about this, if that's what you're worried about. Yeah, like if you just removed the last word, you're saying amazing things right now.

Speaker 3:
[38:00] You can-

Speaker 2:
[38:00] Okay, so it came from your childhood. You formed an anxious attachment.

Speaker 3:
[38:06] Correct.

Speaker 2:
[38:06] Anxious attachment is when you are borderline fear or in fear that your, well, your parent, but then becomes your partner, is going to leave you, you're not good enough, things like that. So you need to really please and ensure that the other person is gonna stay, and you'll do like anything-

Speaker 3:
[38:31] Above and beyond.

Speaker 2:
[38:32] Above and beyond.

Speaker 3:
[38:33] To my own detriment.

Speaker 2:
[38:34] And you have no needs, and you have no, because you learned that your needs are a burden.

Speaker 3:
[38:39] Yeah.

Speaker 2:
[38:40] Okay.

Speaker 3:
[38:41] So that's been really transformational to shift that and be like, oh, this is not going anywhere if I go take noodle for a walk at four o'clock, instead of like nine p.m., you know?

Speaker 2:
[38:55] Yeah. And the irony is that because of the attachment style, and because you put your needs last, the irony, if I may, on this podcast-

Speaker 3:
[39:04] And I know it's coming.

Speaker 2:
[39:05] What's it coming?

Speaker 3:
[39:06] You're an asshole.

Speaker 2:
[39:07] You're a dick.

Speaker 3:
[39:08] You're a dick. You are kind of a dick.

Speaker 2:
[39:10] You're a dick. So it's like it never made a whole lot of sense to me on the surface. And then when I view it from a literal therapy standpoint and zoom out, and it's not the two of us, I'm like, oh, this makes perfect sense. But as a human being in it, I'm like, this makes no sense. You're telling me that you're prioritizing me or the kids so, so, so much. But we're also begging you to like, don't do that because it doesn't feel good. You're being a dick, you're showing up, you're disgruntled, you're irritated because you're not filling your own needs. Like, can you go fill your own needs and then come back and be fulfilled and patient and happy? You know, it's a real, the anxious attachment style is a real, by the way, I'm avoidant, so I'm like not a great person either, by the way. I got a lot of work to do. But it's such an interesting dynamic because it's like a circle, a cycle, you know?

Speaker 3:
[40:07] And if you're anxious attached, there's a strong chance that your partner is avoidant attached, so enjoy.

Speaker 2:
[40:15] There's many wonderful books on this, by the way. I highly encourage. Anything with Gottman is great.

Speaker 3:
[40:20] Pia Melody, another great resource.

Speaker 2:
[40:22] A very intense one if you're ready for that. Yeah, it's a good one though. So my piggybacking off of yours, so you did four, which is great. So my epiphany in the car, one of the biggest things I have learned in 10 years of marriage is that you have to have two whole people in your marriage to have a happy, healthy, successful marriage. And so one person or both people cannot be in their minds giving, giving, giving, or opposite, taking, taking, taking, or be super over concerned with the other but not at all concerned with themselves, unfulfilled in themselves. You have to have two whole, healthy, fulfilled people in a marriage or a friendship, I would argue too, in order to have a healthy dynamic between the two of you. And we both found that out, you know, a few years ago and have been really working hard, especially you, Tyler, on the becoming whole and becoming fulfilled because that's harder for you since you put everybody else's needs first.

Speaker 3:
[41:36] Yeah, I mean, that's like super insightful because the things we're working on individually are the things that lead to that whole person-ness. And so you see like those bits about like, oh, not personalizing things, yada, yada, oh, not, you know, doing this or that. All of those parts that like are showing up in conflict, those are all part of a larger wholeness for myself. So like by working on those parts of myself that are deeper, not flawed, but just like issues that need to be worked on, that's what will help relieve the personalization of everything. So once we kind of realize showing up whole is what will, you know, take care of the other stuff in our relationship has been super insightful. So that's like the taking care of yourself, like instead of just taking care of Kristin, like doing those things, that's part of it. That's that work towards that wholeness.

Speaker 2:
[42:28] And I don't know that this is like that common of knowledge. Like I really for a long time, it was like, let's fix us, let's fix us. We need to fix our marriage, we need to fix our marriage. And not that it was in, again, like this detrimental state, but just to being like conflicts or this or that. It's like, what is going on with us? And we really didn't take that much of consideration, or it just wasn't that obvious to be like, oh, actually, like you, Tyler, are struggling in your life or with your childhood in these ways. I have a very traumatic childhood and all of my wounds and all of the things that I need to work on and those are coming out in our conflicts that we're doing in our conflict resolution. And so it really was such a game changer to not just be like, God, how do we just communicate better? How can we just like us, us, us, us, us? And to actually be like, you know what? We're just going to keep going in circles unless I can try to my best to become a whole person in my own way. And you becoming a whole person in your own way. And that's how then we're going to be able to show up and actually work on healthy communication, conflict styles, happiness because you're showing up a whole fulfilled happy person.

Speaker 3:
[43:43] Yeah, I never really put that together until you said that. That's really great. And a happy we starts with a happy me.

Speaker 2:
[43:50] No, really.

Speaker 3:
[43:51] Can I coin that? Trademark.

Speaker 2:
[43:52] Yeah, put it on a shirt.

Speaker 3:
[43:54] Love it.

Speaker 2:
[43:55] Put that shit on a shirt.

Speaker 3:
[43:56] Put that shit on a shirt.

Speaker 2:
[43:56] By the way, this also applies to parenthood. You know what I mean? It's true.

Speaker 3:
[44:00] Same thing.

Speaker 2:
[44:01] So if you need to work on yourself for any reason, it bleeds out into all the aspects and areas of your life. Okay, my number four is the version of me that's hardest to love. Is the one that needs it the most. Dash. The version of you that's hardest to love is the one that needs it the most. So where it's like, if I am rearing my head, like I can remember one conflict we had, and I was just like a monster, and then you met my monster, but then leveled up.

Speaker 3:
[44:36] Girl, you know I'm going to show up.

Speaker 2:
[44:38] Yeah, you got to.

Speaker 3:
[44:40] That's my specialty.

Speaker 2:
[44:42] You're just like, oh, we're.

Speaker 3:
[44:44] This is what you want to do? All right, let's go. Let's go.

Speaker 2:
[44:48] And what I really needed in that moment was somebody to like offset my monster and maybe co-regulate me with a little bit of love, and that's the same for you. So when you're showing up and you're a monster, what you need is empathy, understanding, love, someone to be down here.

Speaker 3:
[45:10] Isn't that like a kid's book where there's like a big monster dragon kind of thing, and the kid's like, hi, and they're friends, and then it turns back into something else.

Speaker 2:
[45:20] I don't know what you're talking about.

Speaker 3:
[45:21] Anyways.

Speaker 2:
[45:21] Number five.

Speaker 3:
[45:22] I like that. Number five for me, marriage is a journey. But here, I'm not going to be just super cheesy about that. What I'm going to say is marriage is not just the right now, it's the all of it. It's our whole relationship, and this is going to be when Kristin cries. Is that our marriage is a bunch of pieces and memories and milestones, and we're not going to go back. We can't go back to any of those previous milestones, memories, good things, bad things. Those are all there in the past to reflect on and look at and remember fondly. And then there's the present of where we are now, the good and the bad, the things we're working on, the things we cherish, the things we've made along the way. And then there's our future of where our marriage is going and all the things in our lives that will come and go, including our sweet little babies. They're not going to be here forever.

Speaker 2:
[46:22] Don't even.

Speaker 3:
[46:23] They are passengers on our marriage train.

Speaker 2:
[46:27] Don't even.

Speaker 3:
[46:28] Our marriage train is just chugging along on the tracks. They've got their stuff they're getting off on, honey. They're getting off and then it's you and me. It's you and me always. You're my ride or die girl. And so there's so much fondness. And I just want to like appreciate that fondness forever of all those small moments, all those hard moments, all those sweet moments, quiet moments and loud moments. And then all of those that are still coming because there's going to be more conflict. There's going to be more sadness. There's going to be more joy. There's going to be more happiness, more amazing moments, but appreciating each of it for what it is. And then reflecting on the memories of what they are, and being able to leave them in the past. I love you.

Speaker 2:
[47:14] I didn't really need to hear about kids getting off the station.

Speaker 3:
[47:16] Kids are getting off the bus.

Speaker 2:
[47:17] I feel like I could have heard, I heard like it's you and me and ride or die and I really liked that. But my body had a reaction when I heard about the kids getting off the train.

Speaker 3:
[47:28] Yeah, they're going to get on their trains.

Speaker 2:
[47:30] You keep saying it.

Speaker 3:
[47:32] Doesn't make it better.

Speaker 2:
[47:33] And I'm not ready for that. My number five is similar where I'm just like, this has been a wild ride. I would do it with no one else. I love you. I love your weird brain. I love how much you love. I love how much you love our kids. I love how much you are the biggest hype man for our kids and for me, especially in our marriage and our partnership. Absolutely nobody could love me the way that you love me. I don't think anybody could love you the way that I love you because I think that you are a phenomenal, incredibly talented, incredibly special, nobody else on this planet like you person. And I feel really honored to be on this wild journey with you. And seeing the things that pop up and come up, and having three kids, what the fuck? Three kids is a lot of kids. Okay, I'm not in a good way. These are precious, precious angels. I love every single one of them so much. And we did that and we're continuing to do that. And we get to just run on the beach with them. And I feel really grateful.

Speaker 3:
[48:42] We get to live life together.

Speaker 2:
[48:43] We feel really grateful.

Speaker 3:
[48:45] And I feel all about you.

Speaker 2:
[48:46] We've come a long way.

Speaker 3:
[48:47] Long way. Long way. Love you, Bub.

Speaker 2:
[48:50] Love you, Bub. Okay, and then this is my five and a half. Are we ready? Because I'm going to outro with this. Which is, this is what I'm trying to tell myself, and it's going to be hard because living every day, the little moments do pop up. But what I learned from the incident, I just kept coming back to this one thought, which is if that night had gone differently, what would I wish I had done more of? And it wasn't that I wanted to accomplish more. It wasn't that I want to achieve more. It wasn't flashes of all the things that have been bothering me for the past three weeks, which is like, oh my god, the appointments haven't been made and this part of the junk, part of the kitchen is just piling up and it's just a piece of shit, and we haven't finished our house yet, and what furniture is going to go into the master bedroom? And do we need to have wallpaper in the bedroom? And none of that shit actually mattered. None of it mattered, but I thought about how I wanted to show up in our relationship differently if you were going to open your eyes and start talking. And that's crazy to say, but it is, it's what went through my head of just like, okay, what am I going to do differently? Because none of this matters, like none of this small shit matters. So I put a couple of things down where I was like, I would like to release my frustration more. I would like to let things go faster. I would like to let go of my pride. I would like to be the first one to say I'm sorry, which by the way, I think I do. But I could do it even more, even more because at the end of the day, the life that you love is made in the smallest moments. And I don't really want those moments of small frustrations and the dishes and the this and the that to be getting in the way of these small moments. And I want to focus more on the things that we were talking about, honestly, in this podcast episode, which is like, when we say good night to each other, we give a little kiss the way that, you know, we lean into a hug into each other and we soften. I think those are the things that define a marriage. And those are the things that I want our kids to witness us do. And they do. So I'm so happy that they do. And that's what I would like to put into perspective rather than, like, you know, taking the trash out and shit like that.

Speaker 3:
[51:14] I love it.

Speaker 2:
[51:14] You do?

Speaker 3:
[51:15] Yeah.

Speaker 2:
[51:15] Okay. You're gonna take the trash out?

Speaker 3:
[51:17] I'm just kidding.

Speaker 2:
[51:17] Nope. I'm just kidding. Oh, I'm a little bit exhausted by this one. Was that a lot for you?

Speaker 3:
[51:28] Maybe it was up there.

Speaker 2:
[51:30] Yeah, even for you?

Speaker 3:
[51:31] It was up there.

Speaker 2:
[51:31] Wow. I think we, like, got a little...

Speaker 3:
[51:33] We're still processing.

Speaker 2:
[51:34] Oh, yeah. We're still both.

Speaker 3:
[51:35] It's so momentous and yet so much, like, reflection on the accident too. So I see a neurologist tomorrow.

Speaker 2:
[51:43] You see a neurologist tomorrow.

Speaker 3:
[51:44] That's exciting.

Speaker 2:
[51:46] Yeah. Maybe we'll report back. Maybe not.

Speaker 3:
[51:48] Maybe.

Speaker 2:
[51:49] You know?

Speaker 3:
[51:49] We'll see.

Speaker 2:
[51:50] Yeah. We're, like, in the midst of...

Speaker 3:
[51:52] It's still ongoing...

Speaker 2:
[51:53] .processing.

Speaker 3:
[51:53] That's the thing.

Speaker 2:
[51:54] I don't think we've even begun to.

Speaker 3:
[51:55] No.

Speaker 2:
[51:56] We're still, like, in it. I still feel a little bit... Not flight or fighty, but, like, kind of.

Speaker 3:
[52:01] It's mystery. That's the hard part.

Speaker 2:
[52:03] You don't know what's going on inside of your body.

Speaker 3:
[52:05] The outside of me has healed, but I still don't know what's going on.

Speaker 2:
[52:10] Badass scars.

Speaker 3:
[52:12] The 10-year-old in me and, like, all 10-year-old boys just want that, like, scar on their face, and I got it.

Speaker 2:
[52:18] You got it.

Speaker 3:
[52:18] It's a good one.

Speaker 2:
[52:19] Yeah. It looks like something really cool happened to you.

Speaker 3:
[52:22] It's so cool.

Speaker 2:
[52:23] Yeah. What's your story?

Speaker 3:
[52:24] I make up a new one every time somebody asks.

Speaker 2:
[52:27] Like what?

Speaker 3:
[52:28] I said bullfighting once, like running with the bulls. Surfing. I'm obviously going to use that.

Speaker 2:
[52:34] Oh, that's a good one.

Speaker 3:
[52:35] Mountain biking, perhaps.

Speaker 2:
[52:36] Yeah.

Speaker 3:
[52:37] I don't know why I'm only thinking of adventure sports. I need to come up with some new ones.

Speaker 2:
[52:41] And a lot of people thought you got mugged. I don't think that's cool though. That's not cool. You think that's cool? That's not cool. That's the opposite of cool.

Speaker 3:
[52:45] Getting mugged, that's not cool.

Speaker 2:
[52:46] That's not cool, man. All right. Yeah. We'll keep thinking of other stories, I guess.

Speaker 3:
[52:50] I'm gonna come up with cool ones.

Speaker 2:
[52:51] Okay.

Speaker 3:
[52:51] Maybe that'll be like the intro. Be like, hey Tyler, how'd you get that scar on your face?

Speaker 2:
[52:54] Totally.

Speaker 3:
[52:54] Throw something at you.

Speaker 2:
[52:55] I think like a cyber tooth tiger comes to my mind. Looks like a scratch.

Speaker 3:
[52:58] Got in a fight with Jake Busey.

Speaker 2:
[53:00] Saber tooth?

Speaker 3:
[53:01] Saber tooth.

Speaker 2:
[53:03] Fascinating.

Speaker 3:
[53:04] Not cyber tooth.

Speaker 2:
[53:05] Okay.

Speaker 3:
[53:05] Anyways, friends.

Speaker 2:
[53:06] Let's go take care of our children.

Speaker 3:
[53:08] I love you guys. I'm gonna go take care of our kids and find some hot dogs.

Speaker 2:
[53:10] You're gonna go to a softball game. Hit up the Costco beforehand.

Speaker 3:
[53:13] I love Costco.

Speaker 2:
[53:13] Hit up the Costco.

Speaker 3:
[53:14] Bye friends.

Speaker 2:
[53:15] Bye friends.

Speaker 3:
[53:15] Love you guys.

Speaker 2:
[53:16] I love you besties.

Speaker 3:
[53:16] And again, thank you all for the kind words. It meant more to me than you guys know.

Speaker 2:
[53:20] Go hug your spouse or divorce them, you know? Whatever.

Speaker 3:
[53:23] Whatever you took from this podcast. Take care of yourself. Take care of yourself.

Speaker 2:
[53:27] Yeah. Take care of you. Take care of you.

Speaker 3:
[53:30] Double down on your marriage or get divorced. Hug your dog. I don't know.

Speaker 2:
[53:35] Get a cat.

Speaker 3:
[53:36] Don't listen to me.

Speaker 2:
[53:37] Get a cat.

Speaker 3:
[53:37] Don't get a cat.

Speaker 2:
[53:39] I'm trying to convince Tyler to get a cat.

Speaker 3:
[53:40] Unless it works. Unless it suits your soul, your family's soul. Not your soul.

Speaker 2:
[53:47] I heard what I heard.

Speaker 3:
[53:47] You heard something.

Speaker 2:
[53:48] Besties, you heard it. I'm going to report back.

Speaker 3:
[53:51] With a cat.

Speaker 2:
[53:51] I have so many, so many cats on my phone right now.

Speaker 3:
[53:54] Only if I can call it Steven or Darlene. Done. No, that was too easy.

Speaker 2:
[54:00] Bestie, you heard it.

Speaker 3:
[54:01] We got to go.

Speaker 2:
[54:02] We now have a cat named Steven. It's on its way here. Bye, Bestie. See you next week with a cat.

Speaker 4:
[54:29] Please note that this episode may contain paid endorsements and advertisements for products and services. Individuals on the show may have a direct or indirect financial interest in products or services referred to in this episode.