transcript

Speaker 1:
[00:00] Does homework time ever turn into stress time at your house? Between work, activities and everything else, it's not always easy to give kids that one-on-one help they sometimes need. But that's where Wyzant comes in. Wyzant is the nation's largest network of tutors, trusted by parents nationwide with over 65,000 expert tutors across more than 350 subjects. What I love is how personalized it is. Every lesson is tailored to your child's needs, whether that's getting unstuck in algebra, prepping for a big test, or just building better study habits. Everything happens online, right from home, and you can schedule sessions around your real life. Plus, you only pay for what you need. No subscriptions, no big commitments. Help your child succeed in school and boost their confidence with Wyzant. Go to wyzant.com. That's wyzant.com and book your first lesson today. And just for Childproof listeners, use code podcast15 to get $15 off your first lesson. Visit wyzant.com and give your child the tools they need to thrive.

Speaker 2:
[01:00] Grown ups, if there's a child in your life who is interested in, curious about or fascinated by people and places from history, then my podcast, The Past and the Curious, might just be a hit in your home. From the invention of microscopes to world traveling dogs to fashions of the 1890s, Gold Rush ghost towns and audiences going wild for walking competitions, we've got a little bit of it all. Hosted by children's author and museum educator, Mick Sullivan, that's me. The show is fun, funny, engaging, honest and beloved by kids and parents alike. Find The Past and the Curious at all the usual podcast places.

Speaker 3:
[01:41] Raising a well-behaved child in this world requires strict discipline and punishment. Today, we will l-

Speaker 1:
[01:47] No, the f*** we will not.

Speaker 4:
[02:01] Hello and welcome to Childproof, and Airwave Media podcast. I'm Tori Phantom.

Speaker 1:
[02:05] And I'm Gwenna Laithland, and this episode marks a shift in format. We get a lot of emails, because we ask you regularly and routinely to email us stuff. And we see them, but we don't always get to share them.

Speaker 4:
[02:23] And we've been doing email roundups every few months, but that means a lot of stuff kind of gets lost in the mix, and so many of you have insightful things to say, life-changing advice that we've taken, and questions that are really brilliant.

Speaker 1:
[02:36] And we don't get to them because we run out of time. And then we realized, this is our podcast and we do what we want.

Speaker 4:
[02:44] It is our podcast.

Speaker 1:
[02:46] No one's telling us what to do.

Speaker 4:
[02:48] We're our own boss, and we set rules for ourselves that sometimes don't make sense. So we've talked a lot about villages and how they've gone virtual. Well, turns out that we have a virtual village in our inbox, and it's time to share those.

Speaker 1:
[03:04] Basically, we're going to Childproof Parasocial Parenting.

Speaker 4:
[03:08] Yeah. Still the same Childproof, but with more of you here with us.

Speaker 1:
[03:12] With more of you here with us, because honestly, we can only talk about things for so long. We are two people with two perspectives. About half the time, our perspective is the same perspective. So all we're doing is reinforcing each other. And you. And that's great. That's super helpful. But two perspectives only go so far. We do, however, have an audience. We have you guys. How many times have you been listening to our podcast or watching us on YouTube and been like, I disagree. Disagree with us then. We might bring it back up. I love to argue. I don't like to fight. I'm non-confrontational, but I'll argue.

Speaker 4:
[03:54] You are confrontational. You just told me to shut up before we started this podcast. That's confrontational.

Speaker 1:
[04:05] No, that's petty. There's a difference.

Speaker 4:
[04:08] But we do like it when people disagree with us, because if you disagree with us, well, maybe there's something we hadn't considered. Maybe it is almost like a conversation that we have, and then you send us an email and it takes us like six weeks to have it, but like, it could be interesting.

Speaker 1:
[04:26] Listen, we both have ADHD. The number of times in our actual lives, we'll just be like, blue corn. And that was the answer to a question we were asked three weeks ago. The answer was blue corn. We finally just accessed it and needed to answer the question. My favorite part is my husband does not question and fully follows when I do that.

Speaker 4:
[04:46] Is yours? Absolutely. And it's the other part too, where something completely random comes out of your mouth, and then you get the look of like, huh? And it's, I could explain to you how that just came out of my mouth from a 17 point synapse fire in my brain that took like 0.4 seconds. But then we're going to be here for a while. And that's fine. If you want to know how I got from 0.8 to 0Q, we could do that. But I promise it's related in theory.

Speaker 1:
[05:18] My favorite is when I when my husband's like, Yeah, go ahead and take me 0.8 Q. And then I get to about D and I was like, All right, wait, we need to side quest into 0.1.

Speaker 4:
[05:28] All right. It's like when you're interrupting yourself, like that's that's my husband is like, No, but you like, interrupt me all the time. I interrupt me too. Like I can't trust me.

Speaker 5:
[05:43] You're annoyed with how my brain works.

Speaker 1:
[05:46] I am more annoyed.

Speaker 5:
[05:49] Yeah, it's up there all the time.

Speaker 1:
[05:51] It doesn't stop.

Speaker 5:
[05:52] It's not nice.

Speaker 4:
[05:53] At least you get to leave. You know, I'm stuck with me.

Speaker 1:
[06:00] You can file for divorce and skedaddle, my guy.

Speaker 5:
[06:03] I get it. I would do it to me too.

Speaker 1:
[06:07] The fact that you put up with me, this is true love, truly.

Speaker 4:
[06:11] Yeah. I don't get to leave. You think the spirals that come out of my mouth are bad. You should hear the inside thoughts.

Speaker 1:
[06:18] Wait, wait. I need to piss off probably more than half of our listeners and both of us.

Speaker 4:
[06:24] The game.

Speaker 1:
[06:29] I just lost the game. So does your partner, as a male and a man of our species, does it have a brain off mode? Can your significant other just power down and sit there? Apparently, reportedly, experiencing no thoughts.

Speaker 4:
[06:56] I, it took me years to believe it when I asked, what are you thinking about? And he'd say, nothing.

Speaker 1:
[07:03] Nothing?

Speaker 4:
[07:03] What do you mean? Nothing. Nothing?

Speaker 5:
[07:08] Like, no, no, no, no.

Speaker 1:
[07:09] What's the background noise sounding like? Have you got like, what's the popcorn going off back there?

Speaker 4:
[07:14] Hello, father.

Speaker 5:
[07:16] Mosquitoes, mosquitos, really, father?

Speaker 1:
[07:22] That's a deep cut old joke. For the for the fans that have been following us for a while, you understand why that's funny. For the fans that have not been following us for a while, Tori has a plague.

Speaker 4:
[07:33] Yeah. The K-9 Avantix camp theme song has been playing in my head for over 20 years. I don't even have a dog.

Speaker 1:
[07:44] No, but my husband has a brain-off mode. And like you, the first few years of our relationship, he was like, no, I can just experience no thoughts, not for super long. Eventually, you know, I power back on. But that's how I fall asleep so fast. Like I just I lay down, I get comfy. Literally, I turn my brain off. I'm like, I have to medicate myself with marijuana to almost be able to do that.

Speaker 4:
[08:09] That's Jim is the same way. If he just he could be asleep before his head hits the pillow. And I, it, I have a fear in my head when I am laying down. And I realized like last night, I was up until like two o'clock in the morning because my brain was spinning. And what I do is I get to a point where I just start spamming my brain. Anytime my mind wanders, I go back to, I can think about it tomorrow. I can think about this tomorrow. I'll think about it tomorrow. If it's that important, I'll think about it tomorrow. Tomorrow, I can think about this. And then it's boring enough that eventually, I'll fall asleep.

Speaker 1:
[08:42] I started thinking about the dictionary.

Speaker 4:
[08:45] Don't get me started. Don't get me started. You're about to get a revolutionary tangent.

Speaker 1:
[08:53] I didn't mean to do that. No, we're not telling that story. Okay, no, but I will think about the dictionary. I'll just pick a word. Whatever word happened to float through my head of things I'm not supposed to be thinking about because I'm supposed to be powering down and going to sleep. Shirt, what comes after shirt in the dictionary. Skirt, do I don't know my alphabet. Then I typically bully myself about dictionary entries long enough, I just power down.

Speaker 4:
[09:18] You're such a nerd. I love it.

Speaker 1:
[09:20] I know. I'm not even sorry about it. I publicly shared that on a podcast.

Speaker 4:
[09:27] I like it. Tell us how you get yourself to fall asleep and if you have a power down mode, childproofmail at gmail.com.

Speaker 1:
[09:36] Nice signatory.

Speaker 4:
[09:37] Thank you. Do you know I also recently learned that some people don't think in words?

Speaker 1:
[09:46] I think in both.

Speaker 4:
[09:48] I think in both too, but there is like a narrator in my brain, and when I feel depressed, I change the voice to John Malaney's.

Speaker 1:
[09:57] I wish I had that ability. I don't, the voice in my head is unrecognizable and vaguely mine, if that makes any sense at all. There is a handful of people listening that understand what I just said.

Speaker 4:
[10:10] But there's words.

Speaker 1:
[10:12] Yeah, there's words. I am fascinated by the people who don't have, there is an actual name for it, I don't remember, but they can't visualize things. Like if I say envision an apple, they understand the concept, the taste, the idea of apple, but they're not picturing an apple in their head. I have-

Speaker 4:
[10:29] What color is the apple you pictured?

Speaker 1:
[10:31] It's always red for me.

Speaker 4:
[10:33] Yeah. I think of a nice gala apple.

Speaker 1:
[10:37] It's always red with the little spot of yellow there, at where the light reflects.

Speaker 4:
[10:42] On the right or left side?

Speaker 1:
[10:45] Left side. I had to check my hand tattoos to check that out. Left side.

Speaker 4:
[10:48] It's the right side for me.

Speaker 1:
[10:51] Anyway, how do you envision apples?

Speaker 5:
[10:54] Email us at childproofbail.gmail.com. Yeah.

Speaker 1:
[10:59] But, but, but, hey, Tori, hey, Tori, hey, Tori, hey, Tori, did you know I wrote a book?

Speaker 4:
[11:05] About 74. But yes, I know you just had one come out.

Speaker 1:
[11:09] I did. I did just have one come out. If you've been listening, I think it was actually last episode, I think. I released an epi- sorry, you'll have to cut that. I think it was last episode that creamed corn came out. We released full-

Speaker 4:
[11:26] It was two ago, it was creamed corn.

Speaker 1:
[11:28] It was two ago.

Speaker 4:
[11:28] Last time it was road rage.

Speaker 1:
[11:30] Okay. So two episodes ago, we did, I released creamed corn, the full essay that's in my book, Thinky Thoughts, All Grown Up and Still Just as Confused, available everywhere you find your favorite books today. But in that essay, I share my mom's recipe for chocolate chip cookies. It's very specific, almost impossible to create, but my mother can do it every time. And I specifically asked my mom in the essay, like it's published in the book. And mom, when you read this, yes, this is a request for your chocolate chip cookies. And I have chocolate chip cookies.

Speaker 4:
[12:04] You got the cookies.

Speaker 1:
[12:06] I got the, if you're watching the video version of this over on the YouTube, then you can see the world's most perfect chocolate chip cookie made by my mother.

Speaker 4:
[12:16] Did you do those for me?

Speaker 1:
[12:17] No, mine, back up, write your own book. I'll tell you what, you finish your middle grade American Revolution history book and I will have my mother mail you cookies.

Speaker 4:
[12:29] You know, honestly though, I mean, I mentioned this.

Speaker 1:
[12:31] I mean, your mom's not gonna do it.

Speaker 4:
[12:33] Well, she would, but they'd be burnt. But I...

Speaker 1:
[12:42] I'm cackled at that.

Speaker 4:
[12:45] I know, I mentioned this to you before, but I have never felt more motivated to write my book after my kid had an MRI. I get to sit in the MRI room, okay? But that means it's like going through, if you have-

Speaker 1:
[12:58] Ma, ma, ma, ma, ma, ma. I'm just gonna keep doing that while you tell the story. Ma, ma, ma, ma, ma.

Speaker 4:
[13:03] Or you could not do it. If you're a parent of a medically complex kiddo, you might know this. But if your kid has an MRI in some children's hospitals, they allow you to go in the room. Now, if you go in the room with your kid having an MRI, it's like going through airport security, but you get to keep your shoes. Everything in your pockets, all the metal has to go. They run a metal detector over you because an MRI machine is a giant magnet.

Speaker 1:
[13:29] Did you have to take your piercings out for that?

Speaker 4:
[13:31] I didn't because I wasn't the one in the machine.

Speaker 1:
[13:35] Okay.

Speaker 4:
[13:36] Yeah, they said my piercings were fine. But I went and I realized that I forgot to bring a book. I've done this before with her. I know to bring a book.

Speaker 1:
[13:45] A criminal straight to jail.

Speaker 4:
[13:48] But you know what? My kid is very bookish and she had brought four books with her. So I kept one of hers and I was like, fine, I'll read this middle grade book. It's not good. I found it on some website and I was like, maybe this will be okay. And I was like, it's not that the story is bad. It's that I don't appreciate the writing and it feels very pinry. Like it's a underestimates a kid's ability to understand. And that's when I decided that I have to write my own book because I want to. And now I'm in competition with this author who has no idea that I exist.

Speaker 1:
[14:22] So anyway, email your encouragement for Tori to write an American history book for children, middle grades, whatever it pans out to. Plans are still soft. Email your encouragement to Childproof Mail. gma.com. All right. Let's jump into the parasocial parenting.

Speaker 4:
[14:43] I was thinking the other day about how there are people in our lives who create comfort for everyone else all the time. And nobody really notices how much work that actually is. The meals, the laundry, the remembering birthdays, the making a house feel like summer you can land at the end of a long day. Sometimes those people are moms. Sometimes they carry different titles, but they are all important in our lives. So for Mother's Day this year, I've been looking at gifts that are less flowers that die in three days and more, you deserve to be comfortable for once. And Cozy Earth makes things like robes, slippers, bedding, the stuff you use in the quiet parts of your day. And it all feels very intentionally made. And they do a 100 night sleep trial and a 10 year warranty, which honestly tells me they expect this stuff to stick around for a while. If you want to give a gift this year that actually feels like care and not just obligation, you can go to cozyearth.com and use code Childproof for 20% off. And if you see a post purchase survey, let them know you heard about Cozy Earth here. Because honestly, the people who make home feel like home deserve to be comfortable too.

Speaker 1:
[15:44] Okay, Tori, I have a question. How many calendars does your family have?

Speaker 4:
[15:48] Emotionally or physically?

Speaker 1:
[15:50] Correct answer. Because we have a paper calendar, my phone calendar, the school calendar, the sports calendar, and then the calendar where I just remembered things in my bones and panicked at 3 a.m. Oh yes, the anxiety planner. Exactly. So we started using Cozilla, and it's basically a giant family command center screen where everything lives, schedules, to-do lists, reminders, meal planning, all in one place where everyone can actually see it.

Speaker 4:
[16:14] The key part being, everyone can see it. So you're no longer the human reminder app.

Speaker 1:
[16:19] Honestly, it just reduces the mental load. It's like putting your entire family on one big, very visible system so you don't have to remember everything for everyone forever.

Speaker 4:
[16:27] And it syncs calendars automatically, which means no more double booking dentist appointments over softball practice, with no subscription fee to do it either. And if that sounds like something your household could use, go to cozylaw.com and use code Childproof for $30 off your first order.

Speaker 1:
[16:43] That's cozyla.com code Childproof for $30 off. Just a quick thank you from a mom struggling with the tail end of her period and needing to feed herself. I have ADHD, which makes that hard on a good day. Mood. Today, I remembered I had pizza rolls in the freezer and that you guys taught me I don't have to wait for the oven to preheat. Although I decided to send this email so it is preheating and will probably be almost done by the time I had said because it took a hot minute to find the address. Thank God it's Friday. Michelle. Michelle, I absolutely understand.

Speaker 4:
[17:22] The struggle of having to fuel the flesh sack. That's how we refer to it here in this house. Yeah.

Speaker 1:
[17:30] There are absolute times like I'm hungry and I will stand up and I walk over and I will look at the food that I have on purpose but I do all the shopping and when I do not want to eat any of this, why is there no good food in the house? I have asked out loud, why is there no good food in this house? I exclusively by my own demands, do the shopping in this house.

Speaker 4:
[17:54] Yeah. Now, I have this problem where if I can't find anything that sounds good and I'll be hungry and I'm like, this isn't an emergency. It's not an emergency. I could feel hunger pains and I'm like, I'll eat later when something sounds good. That's not it. Follow me for more health tips. Don't do that.

Speaker 1:
[18:12] But about every three or four months, I will decide we need a freezer food day. So I'll go to the store for the shopping that I do. And I will just drain the freezer. Yes, I will take frozen ravioli. Yes, I will take frozen egg rolls. And we'll just have air fryer meals where we'll just sort of spread the bounty upon the counter and just like build a plate of frozen food, take it over to the air fryer, dump it in. Instructions be damned. All of those are going in at the same time.

Speaker 4:
[18:48] They all have different temperature and time requirements? No, they don't. No, they don't. No, they don't.

Speaker 1:
[18:57] It tells me to preheat my air. We discussed that again. I'm not preheating anything. I'm gonna pop it in there and wish them luck.

Speaker 4:
[19:03] You don't even boil your water.

Speaker 1:
[19:06] You dump noodles in cold.

Speaker 4:
[19:08] Yeah, I do.

Speaker 1:
[19:10] I can't do it. I tried it the other day.

Speaker 4:
[19:12] It's fine. I can't. No, it's the only problem is that if you boil it first, if you bring your water to a boil, then you can time it. But if you don't bring it to a boil, you just gotta check it. Also, I have several spaghetti noodles just stuck to the wall. They're part of the wall now. Because if you don't know, if you wanna know if your spaghetti is done, you can take a noodle and you throw it at the wall. If it sticks, it's done. And I did that twice, where I just left the noodles there and they're just part of it now. I just wanted to leave it there. It's decoration.

Speaker 1:
[19:46] You could also just bite the noodle, which is what I do. I do not fling pasta. Check what's done this.

Speaker 4:
[19:51] I just bite. I typically do just bite the pasta, but I was showing my kids, that's how the pasta ended up on the wall and it just lives there now. And I couldn't really, I can't remove it because it'll remove the paint too. I learned that the hard way years ago.

Speaker 1:
[20:05] I removed my headboard and removed the paint. Luckily, I own the house, so it's my problem. But there is a head shaped, or headboard shaped line of paint missing from it. So it looks like I still have a headboard in bad paint job. So I have a question though. Yeah. First, I have to check something. This is a question I've literally never asked you. We've been friends for working on a decade. I've never asked you this. Did, this is on purpose, did you like pizza rolls as a child, teenager, young adult? Were you in the pizza roll crowd?

Speaker 4:
[20:43] I have always wanted to like pizza rolls. I've had them though. Every time I see pizza rolls, I'm like, I'm going to eat some and then I make, and then they're not for me.

Speaker 1:
[20:54] I don't like pizza, but I loved Hot Pockets, I adored them.

Speaker 4:
[21:00] Oh man, I used to love Hot Pockets.

Speaker 1:
[21:01] Especially the ham and cheese ones.

Speaker 4:
[21:04] I like the meatball ones.

Speaker 1:
[21:06] Okay, so we'll discuss Hot Pockets since neither of us were pizza roll people, because I believe the same problem, because my husband was a pizza roll person, and he's like, I cannot decide what changed. On Hot Pockets, they used to taste good to me. They didn't taste real to me. Please be under no false impressions that I ever thought that this was real, like, not heavily processed food. I understand. Processed food is real food. I'm going to correct my language there because we can be responsible about our word choices. Heavily processed. I knew this food was over processed. There was no need for people to have handled it as much as it did before it became a Hot Pocket. I get it. But I loved them still. I have had them as an adult. And I legitimately cannot tell. Did I change? Did my tastes evolve? Or did they somehow make a food that was barely qualified as food worse?

Speaker 4:
[22:10] I feel like they probably made it worse. I haven't had a Hot Pocket in years. Now I'm going to have to get some and see. Because like, no, because like think about it, right? Because a freezer chicken nugget still tastes good. It still tastes like a freezer chicken nugget.

Speaker 1:
[22:23] So a freezer French fries hit different. They're their own type of French fry.

Speaker 4:
[22:28] Yeah, absolutely.

Speaker 1:
[22:30] I like the Raleigh's fries, but the freezer ones, we don't have Raleigh's in my area, Raleigh's Checkers.

Speaker 4:
[22:35] Oh, I have one like right down the road. But when it's right next to you, you don't want it as much because no fair. It's a big grease ball.

Speaker 1:
[22:45] It used to be a cross town drive to get to the Waterburger. So Waterburger was a treat. And then they built one five minutes from my house, five minutes, nothing is five minutes from my house. Other people's houses are five minutes from my house. But it feels like five minutes because I drive in Oklahoma time. So it's really, really close to me. I don't ever go to Waterburger.

Speaker 4:
[23:04] I've never had that. Now I want it. I've always wanted it. All right.

Speaker 1:
[23:09] We're going to have to do a fast food exchange. You're going to have to spend exorbitant amounts of money and fly to Oklahoma so I can take you to Waterburger. And then I will spend exorbitant amounts of money, fly to Kentucky so you can take me to it. Is it a Rally's or is it a Checkers? I don't understand what's that name.

Speaker 4:
[23:25] It's Rally's here. In New York, we had one on a highway rest stop and that one was the Checkers. If you don't know, Rally's and Checkers are the same restaurant. They just have a different name depending on where they are.

Speaker 1:
[23:36] Yeah. All right. So let's let's trigger a whole bunch of our audience, not with the game. We already did that.

Speaker 4:
[23:43] I just lost the game.

Speaker 1:
[23:50] What happens in your body? Where do you feel in your body when I say the words, new and improved formula?

Speaker 4:
[24:03] You can, I threw a fit because they changed the store brand, changed the box that my beef broth came in. Why would you do that? What was wrong with the other box?

Speaker 1:
[24:14] New and improved formula are the words of my nightmare.

Speaker 4:
[24:20] I need to know. Says who?

Speaker 1:
[24:23] Tori.

Speaker 4:
[24:24] Yes.

Speaker 1:
[24:25] Tori.

Speaker 4:
[24:26] Yeah.

Speaker 1:
[24:27] They changed our ranch dressing.

Speaker 4:
[24:31] That's criminal.

Speaker 1:
[24:32] Criminal. Absolutely criminal. For various reasons that are unimportant and don't need to be fully shared, we can't just have regular ranch. We have a particular ranch that is safe for everybody in the house to eat. Everybody can equally access this ranch. Otherwise, we have to have like four of them. I don't want to have four of them. So all of us enjoy, enjoyed this ranch. I walked into the store, and even worse, I don't shop in person as often as I used to. I will shop in person maybe every third or fourth trip, because I fully, fully body online delivery. I usually do the pickups. And I live, I live in range of an online delivery grocery provider. Okay, so I use that a lot. And I do pickups as well. I don't like going in stores. I'm not a people person. But I happened to have to pick up ranch on the day I chose to shop in person, to shop the traditional way. And I picked up that bottle and I saw that neon green label right across where the hunter green word should go. And I, I almost screamed in public. Yeah.

Speaker 4:
[25:53] Yeah. That's like new and improved formula is the same feeling as when you go into the grocery store, you've always gone into for years and suddenly they rearranged it. Why? Why? Why did you do? Why you do that? Don't do that.

Speaker 1:
[26:09] They remodeled my Walmart slowly over time, which meant that every time I walked in for four months, it was in a new layout because they'd have to move stuff as the construction crew poked on it around the store, fixing areas every time I walked in. Anyway, for it took from four months to for three months, I did not walk into that store. I didn't try. For one month, I tormented myself realizing I have no idea where anything is in the store. And then for three months, I exclusively used pickup and delivery.

Speaker 4:
[26:45] I can't with the... Well, and what's worse too is that when you do the pickup or the delivery, and so then you find out upon opening your groceries that it's new and improved, and that's usually coincides with the time you decided to stock up on your kid's safe food. And new and improved means it's no longer a safe food.

Speaker 1:
[27:03] It's no longer a safe food. That's not right anymore.

Speaker 4:
[27:05] Or even if it's like the same, that's like the fun part is trying to convince a kiddo with a safe food that it's not new and improved. Quote, unquote, they just changed the packaging. And I know this feels like a trap, but it's just the packaging. And I'm also mad. I get it. But the food is the same.

Speaker 1:
[27:23] I, this, this was a brilliant move that I don't think I have the executive function to pull off. But I have a real life friend who has a kid with some pretty, this child has RFID. So we've got safe food concerns all over the place. And the moment, the moment this woman heard RFID become involved in the, she stopped using all store containers ever. Every molecule of food she brings in, she brings inside and she pours into a see-through container.

Speaker 4:
[27:59] I wish my executive functioned in such a way.

Speaker 1:
[28:01] I know, I know. Because, first of all, it soothes her particular child to be able to see the food in its original state before it is changed by cooking. And that is something specific and unique to that child. Second, if the companies have the audacity to put a special box, a holiday edition, change the packaging, alter the format, that is not an obstacle to that child consuming the food because that child always sees it in clear rectangular or round containers.

Speaker 4:
[28:36] That's amazing.

Speaker 1:
[28:37] That barrier is removed. I was like, man, I wish I had the... I do some kitchen stocking just for my own entertainment. I am amused by it. Man, that's brilliant because my son does have... They changed the ketchup bottle and it's the same ketchup. They just changed the shape. And he's like, that's not my ketchup because his sister has spicy ketchup. I was like, this is your ketchup.

Speaker 4:
[28:57] Do you remember the atrocity of the Heinz Easy Squirt in the 90s that was purple and green ketchup?

Speaker 1:
[29:02] The purple stuff? Hey, speaking of 90s nostalgia.

Speaker 4:
[29:07] Great segue, Gwenna.

Speaker 1:
[29:08] Thanks.

Speaker 4:
[29:11] Our next email says, Hi, Gwenna and Tori. I am a long time listener, but a very late to the game emailer. Unfortunately, my squirrels get away from me and go to a rave when they need to stay put. What a mood. I'll give you a few of my replies to the email roundups. So this one, this first part, I'm assuming is in regards to when we asked about your 90s kitchen based on this paragraph saying, it was a kitchen journey in my childhood home. You see, really, I connected the dots there. Continuing, what started as a classic blue and white geese kitchen complete with border to match turned into my mom's canvas of sorts. It was once the color of red wine for a month and a sponge on sunshine yellow. This also included chickens. My stepdad had priming work ahead of him. There is probably 10 coats of paint. Now it's bright white. My friend group and I have... Wait, hang on. Let me explain. We're moving on to the next paragraph. So this is not still about the kitchen. I have to let you all know that... I got four hours of sleep. I'm sorry. My friend group and I have the vibe that my partner calls, Oh God, there's three of you. And our group chat consists of neurodivergent reels, fart memes and cat memes with the occasional check-in. We also will cackle like witches upon reuniting, which proceeds to make said partner make me promise not to destroy anything. The partners are not left out as one gets affectionately auto corrected in my phone all the time. Thank you for making my commutes home a little less millennial gray. Melanie.

Speaker 1:
[30:44] That email, I added that one to our list because the sponge painting triggered me in the best way.

Speaker 4:
[30:55] My, I remembered it, it. My mom got the sponge painting too. Yeah, it's like a stencil trim thing. It unlocked memory for me.

Speaker 1:
[31:05] Yeah, no, we had sponge cube stamps under the window in our bathroom because my house was built in the 50s and they decided that they should put a window like in the shower for some reason, like a whole window, like a normal person with a ledge and everything. Fun. In the shower. I don't, anyway, that house doesn't exist anymore. They tore it down.

Speaker 4:
[31:31] Just because of the window.

Speaker 1:
[31:32] Yes, only because of that. But no, underneath that ledge and then around the thing, my mom had taken one of those little teeny dandy cube sponges and did the checkerboard thing, just the two rows of squares alternating.

Speaker 4:
[31:44] Yeah.

Speaker 1:
[31:45] That was happening. And then we had sponged animals and they weren't very good. Because my mom cut sponges herself.

Speaker 4:
[31:57] Okay. I like, I love the energy though.

Speaker 1:
[32:02] It was the 90s, man. We didn't have the Internet. We didn't have anything better to do. Sponge painting, it was, I guess.

Speaker 4:
[32:06] It's the thought that counts, right? My mom got like these leafy stencils and then was like sponging them. But then it was hard to get them to stay in place and.

Speaker 1:
[32:19] It would always bleed over and then you try to take a little brush, but it would. Yeah, yeah, we've all done it.

Speaker 4:
[32:27] I honestly like I love that every single person, people are so cute, just like humans in general, because how often to all of us were like, I'm going to paint that. I just want I'm feeling crafty.

Speaker 1:
[32:39] No unique experience. Also, do you remember that time in our friendship where you took a year and a half to do a mural and for briefly, briefly furious at me because I did a mural in a weekend.

Speaker 4:
[32:52] Are you did you finish the other mural with the books?

Speaker 1:
[32:56] Yes, I did.

Speaker 4:
[32:59] Show off.

Speaker 1:
[33:03] I finished that months ago. I thought I was going to go all the way up now to be fair, to be fair, Tori's belief was that I was going to take this bookcase all the way up the wall where I was painting these individual books. I got to about hip height and I was looking at the pictures already on the wall of the stuff. I decided that was good and that was an intentional... It's one of those things when you have ADHD, you feel the need to over explain when you've stopped a project earlier than anticipated but you still did it on purpose. My ADHD did not kill this project. I intentionally looked at it, assessed it and went, actually, I like it just like that and I am going to stop.

Speaker 4:
[33:45] That is such a mood. Having to say, no, I didn't abandon this project. I decided I was done. It seems finished to me.

Speaker 1:
[33:55] I intentionally on purpose changed my own mind.

Speaker 4:
[34:00] It's wild when that happens. Doesn't happen as often for me. You know me. It takes a long time to get me to shift my mind on something. I actually just told my artist kid that they can paint a mural in our hallway of The Amazing Digital Circus, which you're hearing about again.

Speaker 1:
[34:17] I knew it was going to be that. That super fandom is going to... It's going to cling. That's their Star Trek. That's their Star Trek.

Speaker 4:
[34:25] This is like... They're putting the last episode of the show in movie theaters. Yes, we have tickets.

Speaker 1:
[34:36] I am... I should not say this. I'm going to regret saying this because there are consequences for my words. Okay. I am this close to exploring because you two will not leave it alone. You keep bringing it up.

Speaker 4:
[34:55] All I'll say is that Jim hates animated stuff. It's just never been for him. He has such a niche thing.

Speaker 1:
[35:04] I generally don't like animated things.

Speaker 4:
[35:06] I don't either. It's just it's never been for me. This is psychological thriller type of humor animation. It's Jim's favorite show and he never watches anything animated. Now he watches all of the theory videos on YouTube and he watches it all day. He knew that it was going to theaters before my kid did. So if you are wondering if it's a good show, if it's something, it's not meant for kids. This is a show that is meant for grownups and the animated characters are actually human. It explains the whole thing. They're not supposed to be in the circus. So just like watch it.

Speaker 1:
[35:55] I'm sorry. As you were describing his love of this surreal sounding show, was that the hand that handed you the coffee that just crawled across the screen? Is he standing there while you're talking about his love of circus?

Speaker 4:
[36:09] Yeah. He just showed up at the right time where I'm talking about a digital-

Speaker 3:
[36:14] Somebody talking digital circus here. So, hi. How are you?

Speaker 2:
[36:18] Hi.

Speaker 3:
[36:19] He can't hear me. Last week, I was wearing my Kinger shirt. I was wearing a shirt from The Amazing Digital Circus at my place of work, and it's got one of the characters along with one of the other things that they turn into like when I die, not really dead. It's weird. And it says, I miss my wife. It's just what it says. My boss, she looks at it, she goes, Jimmy, I really like your shirt. She's like, what is that? She's like, I really like that. What is it? I said, I cannot explain to you briefly at all in a way that would make any sense to tell you what this is. Just know it's from a show that my kid liked and got me to like. So, it's from a show. That's pretty much all I can tell you.

Speaker 1:
[37:00] I honestly, I'm more enthusiastic than ever to...

Speaker 3:
[37:05] Keep talking about Digital Circus. I'll keep watching scary videos.

Speaker 4:
[37:08] She's more enthusiastic than ever to check it out.

Speaker 3:
[37:12] True.

Speaker 1:
[37:14] Mainly because no one can explain it to me. And now I have this unknowable desire to understand what it is.

Speaker 4:
[37:24] Yeah. No, it's literally you can't explain it. There's no way to synopsize it, but there's a reason that it's like mega viral and it's going into theaters worldwide for an episode that started as a YouTube series.

Speaker 1:
[37:38] All right. Well, we'll link it below. Please use discretion while consuming as it is not for kids. Also sidebar, sidebar lore drop about Tori's personal life. If you were listening to that and immediately went, wow, that guy sounds like a DJ.

Speaker 4:
[38:03] Yet he's a morning show host on the radio. That's why he sounds really great.

Speaker 1:
[38:09] I, I, he probably won't listen to this episode. I know what his listening habits are. I thoroughly enjoy listening to your partner's voice, Tori.

Speaker 4:
[38:21] That's a nice voice.

Speaker 1:
[38:22] I will outright say that. I, I, I enjoy listening to your partner's voice.

Speaker 4:
[38:27] Sometimes I have to tell him to turn off the radio voice when we're just having a conversation. But it is a nice video.

Speaker 1:
[38:33] It occurs to me, I might ask him to record an audiobook for me.

Speaker 4:
[38:38] I bet he would.

Speaker 1:
[38:39] He probably would too.

Speaker 4:
[38:43] This episode is everywhere and I kind of love that. I hope everyone else listening to this does.

Speaker 1:
[38:47] I'm pretty sure this episode is going to be, I'm pretty sure this is just the new format of the show. Partly because, and we've briefly touched on this, but just a refresher. Part of the reason we're doing it this way is we're still parents, we're still actively parenting. We no longer always have permission to share our children's stories because they are no longer just ours to share. Our children have achieved a level of consciousness and autonomy that means I might have parented really well through a thing and cannot at all describe that. Yeah, because that would be personal information that my children do not need public.

Speaker 4:
[39:23] Yeah, we moved from universal experiences with like little ones to personalize things with, you know, young adults, full on humans. I mean, to be fair, like the digital circus that we just went on about, that's literally because of being a parent that I know anything about it.

Speaker 5:
[39:43] Right, right.

Speaker 4:
[39:45] One of my favorite things about being a parent is that like you get to be exposed to things you never would have before because your kid has their own interests.

Speaker 1:
[39:55] Speaking of interests, as a fellow neurodivergent OCD specifically, we're just moving on to a different email.

Speaker 4:
[40:01] Great segue, Gwenna.

Speaker 1:
[40:01] Just absolutely no explanation. Thanks. I also have issues putting away laundry. Long process hurts my back and other things feel more worth my time. Pause. That is the most brilliant way of explaining productive avoidance I have ever seen. We'll discuss productive avoidance here in a sec. I hacked myself. I now enjoy putting away laundry by playing basketball. I have a closet organizer with laundry baskets on shelves. My husband and I each have a basket for tops, bottoms, and unders, six total. May not work well for you guys, but wanted to share. Also, we'll miss you every week, but bi-weekly weirdly makes them feel more special. Jessica, we've already done this in this episode. You've all already lost the game, but I need you to know that Jessica has been called a very specific name in my head that I will keep to myself. Just guess, because their postscript is, thanks for helping entertain and sharing your great, authentic, memorable expertise. And if you're watching the video, we put those words up on this screen. The first letter of each word spells-

Speaker 4:
[41:14] Let me write that down, so we put that up on the screen. That's a good idea.

Speaker 1:
[41:17] The game.

Speaker 4:
[41:23] You got us, Jessica. I just lost the game.

Speaker 1:
[41:27] Yeah, no, when Tori lost the game for me earlier, I'd already lost it because I already read that dang email. Jessica! First of all, productive avoidance is my favorite and least favorite habit of mine. I will avoid doing something I have to do by doing other things I have to do. And speaking of hacks, my favorite is when I get myself into a productive avoidance loop, and I avoid doing some, let's just, I avoid doing the dishes. And in order to avoid doing the dishes, I go do my laundry.

Speaker 4:
[42:08] You get so much done, so you don't have to do that one thing that would have taken way less time than all the other things you did. Suddenly, I have to get to this project that I have been avoiding for other things. I've been avoiding this project for six months, but I don't want to do my laundry, so it's time to do that project.

Speaker 1:
[42:26] Yes.

Speaker 4:
[42:28] Yes.

Speaker 1:
[42:29] I do that all the time, and I have weaponized it against myself. You know what? You don't want to do the dishes? Fine. Go do the taxes. Dishes or taxes? Dishes or taxes? Which one sounds like it sucks more?

Speaker 4:
[42:43] I'll drive off the cliff.

Speaker 1:
[42:44] I'll drive off the things you got. I lifehacked myself all the time.

Speaker 4:
[42:49] Oh, me too. Do you know what I did to make my laundry experience better? It's the silliest thing. We had upgraded my kid's computer chair a long time ago, but we didn't want to get rid of the chair. It's a fine chair. That chair now lives in my laundry room, and I have a spinny chair, which means that it makes it easier for sorting, but also when I get bored, I can go, weeee!

Speaker 1:
[43:16] This is not recommended at all, but I decided in the process of refining my relationship with food, if you've been watching me online, you may have noticed I'm a little more svelte than I used to be. I have lost weight. I have invested in my body the time and care I wish I'd been able to before, and it's working for me. I feel better in so many ways. But in doing that, I've been experimenting with various things, and I am a monster energy woman. I don't apologize for it. I have one monster white a day. And I decided, you know what? That's terrible for your kidneys. We don't know what the long-term impact of those types of chemicals constantly being introduced into your system are. We don't have any studies on this. I'm going to stop with the energy drinks. I'm not going to necessarily cut out caffeine, diet coke. We can't be perfect. But this one thing I can give my body a release from. So I stopped drinking monster energy drinks for about three months. But then I started getting kidney cramps. Then I started getting like the super dry skin on my knuckles. I started, like my mouth was constantly.

Speaker 4:
[44:36] Wait, does this coincide with that time you were having a really hard time with your like, I bet this is, you were having a harder time with life and you're like, I don't know if it's a physical thing. I don't know if it's because of gestures vaguely. I think it was because of the monster.

Speaker 1:
[44:51] It was because of the monster, but it wasn't just because of like withdrawals from the monster. I was dangerously dehydrating myself because drinking this monster in the morning, once I tossed this can, I would habitually grab my water cup, fill it and then carry it around. But without the habitual drinking of the monster and like going through those steps. And that happens at some random point of the day. I am not claiming I am at all properly hydrated because I've had a monster, but I am hydrated in some fashion, which stopped when I stopped drinking a monster in the mornings. I just stopped drinking fluid. I just stopped consuming fluid that was not in my, and I did not notice.

Speaker 5:
[45:39] And I, yes, because I'm mostly sure.

Speaker 4:
[45:42] Of the neurodivergent brain, you take away one part of the routine and the entire routine is gone. Right out the window.

Speaker 1:
[45:51] I was so furious at myself. Anyway, I've assumed drinking monster. And wouldn't you know, I'm a lot better hydrated than I was for that brief period of time where I stopped consuming liquid.

Speaker 4:
[46:04] Yeah, that scans. I find that very relatable. That's a thing that I have been working on.

Speaker 1:
[46:11] I'm a parent. I'm responsible for three other freaking human beings for some reason.

Speaker 4:
[46:16] I'm way better at taking care of my kids than myself. I'll tell you what.

Speaker 1:
[46:20] My children walk around with water all the time. I stopped drinking what is probably poison.

Speaker 4:
[46:26] What's so wild to me is we send the kids to school with water bottles now, when back in our day, you had three seconds at the water fountain, you'd stand in the line. And then if you took too long, someone would say save some for the fishes. And these kids just stay hydrated.

Speaker 1:
[46:41] I told them there was an entire poem about hydration in my book, Thinking Thoughts, available everywhere. You find your favorite books. It's one, two, three. That's enough for me.

Speaker 5:
[46:53] That was literally a little sing-song run.

Speaker 1:
[46:57] One, two, three. That's enough for me. I don't know how to hydrate myself. Because again, apparently I require Monster to do it.

Speaker 5:
[47:05] Yeah.

Speaker 1:
[47:05] Do we have time for one more email and parasocial parenting?

Speaker 4:
[47:12] I do believe that we have time for one more. So this email says, hi, both of you. I am a 16 year old born in 2010. That feels illegal. Non-binary kid living in Sweden, and I have had the luxury of being forced to learn how to cook in school, along with every other kid around my age. Homeschooling is illegal here, and all children in the school system, every kid in the country, need to take a class that directly translates to home and consumer knowledge. They wrote the word in Swedish. I'm not going to attempt that. If you hear this and you want to send me phonetic pronunciation, I will try that. But they said roughly between the ages of 12 and 16, which is Swedish grades 6 to 9, we basically get in duos and cook one meal per lesson. This means that my cooking mistakes not only got graded, but I also had to watch some of my friends suffer through eating them. I also got to eat their cooking mistakes, so it evens out. I ended year 9 with a C in the class. I don't understand how it happened, considering I am afraid to cook something in a frying pan because of the sound. I can't do two things at the same time, so when I have to make food, it takes way longer than it should. I can make amazing waffles though. A win is a win. I also wanted to thank you for helping me with the text I had to write for my English class about expectations. I basically wrote what I hear you guys say a lot about your parenting, but in my own words. Maybe a bit of your words, but not enough to be plagiarizing. I got an A. Sorry about any grammar or spelling mistakes. This is not my first language and my computer puts a red line under almost every word because it thinks I am writing in Swedish. Thank you and goodbye, Kirsten.

Speaker 5:
[49:02] Kirsten, I hope we're saying your name correctly.

Speaker 1:
[49:06] I love you. And while you should in no way entertain this, should you ever come to Oklahoma, United States, please immediately email me back. I would love to take you out for coffee. No one will mess it up or cook it poorly when we serve it to you. But also, you're Swedish, you stay, you're safer there.

Speaker 4:
[49:28] Don't come here. Yeah. But just like behind the scenes, no one ever cares about, we have a shared note. That's how we've done this show this whole time. It's been years. We just use the Notes app and we share it. And this email, I popped it into the note. And Gwenna's Notes, in response to this, because we put like talking points, things that we want to remember, we want to say, Gwenna's Notes are...

Speaker 1:
[49:52] We vaguely attempt to... No, we vaguely attempt to keep ourselves on track. It clearly works really well.

Speaker 4:
[49:59] So well. But Gwenna's Notes for this one are just on mic sobbing about American education. More on mic sobbing about Oklahoma education.

Speaker 5:
[50:13] They teach them how to cook. They value life skills in other countries and places. I'm just trying to get them to teach my kid how to read because we're arguing about phonics in Oklahoma.

Speaker 4:
[50:29] Yeah.

Speaker 5:
[50:31] Now, wait, to be fair, after I typed that, you came through and added the following Kentucky, same kissy face emoji.

Speaker 4:
[50:46] And I meant it.

Speaker 1:
[50:51] So, listen, I, hey, Tori, yeah, are my periods like the little tittle at the end of a sentence, I just want to confirm which type of periods I'm referring to. Is my punctuation aggressive?

Speaker 4:
[51:07] Depending on the context, yes.

Speaker 1:
[51:11] My daughter also says that my application of emojis and punctuation, specifically periods, but apparently I abuse all of them, is aggressive and unnecessary? I don't understand how emojis work anymore.

Speaker 4:
[51:25] I know you, you like put a period at the end of okay. And that feels like you're mad at me. I don't, I clearly need more therapy, but.

Speaker 1:
[51:37] I need to, why kissy face emoji? Or was it just the one you picked?

Speaker 4:
[51:43] I don't really know how to use emojis either.

Speaker 1:
[51:45] Okay, cool.

Speaker 4:
[51:46] It felt like I didn't know if to go with the kissy face or the wink or the crying or the sobbing. Or that one where it's just like melting sideways.

Speaker 1:
[51:59] Apparently, the crying and the sobbing mean very different things between Gen Z and millennial because I sent what I thought was a sobbing emoji to my daughter texting me something like sad that happened like a sobbing emoji would have been. That means funny now. So I did not know that. And she legitimately got mad at me for a millisecond. Gentle parenting doesn't work according to the Internet, but she briefly got mad, she took a step back and went, I feel like there may be a chance for misunderstanding. Why did you find that funny? I was like, I didn't.

Speaker 5:
[52:35] How did you think I did?

Speaker 1:
[52:36] But like she took a step back and went, I am going to fish for more information before I let my feelings have full control of this situation. Why did you find that funny?

Speaker 4:
[52:44] Gentle parenting doesn't work. No, see my kid is just like me, where we both use the send button as a period.

Speaker 1:
[52:55] I double space.

Speaker 4:
[52:56] I just, first sentence send, second sentence send.

Speaker 1:
[52:59] I double space and that's where, that's how the periods end up. I don't actually type the periods, but when I finish typing a text, space, space.

Speaker 4:
[53:08] I will put the periods, if I'm sending multiple sentences, there is punctuation in that paragraph. But I never end a text with punctuation and I don't know why. I think I don't need a space, I just hit send.

Speaker 1:
[53:22] I have a friend, Michelle. Hi, I know you're listening to this.

Speaker 4:
[53:29] Hi, Michelle.

Speaker 1:
[53:31] She texts to this day, like we're still on T9 and it drives no periods. All of the Leet speak, all of them. I'm like, Michelle, you are 43 years old. You are well within range to have adapted to the new version of technology, and we all have quarties and two thumbs now. We don't got a T9. What before has six letters in it? Why did you type me the letter B and four? Stop that. Michelle, listen to me.

Speaker 5:
[54:02] I have publicly shamed you.

Speaker 1:
[54:05] Just using my platform for personal abuse now.

Speaker 4:
[54:10] I'll leave it. It's fine. It's fine with me. I don't know how to be professional and leave out. Whenever I'm trying to write an email or have more talk to a teacher or something in text form, how do I exist without my emotional support, LOL? I'm just afraid I sound aggressive without it, but I know not to use it. So I just want my emotional support, LOL.

Speaker 1:
[54:37] Tori.

Speaker 4:
[54:38] Yeah.

Speaker 1:
[54:39] I have seen you actually sound aggressive. Never. You don't sound aggressive. You can sound threatening and promising. You can sound sure, confident. You got it. Uh, aggressive is not. That's that's not your adjective. You don't get to keep that one.

Speaker 4:
[54:59] You haven't seen me with my parents. Anyway, thank you so much for listening to Childproof, a part of the Airwave Media Network of podcasts. Be sure to like, subscribe, share, comment, push buttons, click dots, ring bells. All of that helps us keep this podcast going. I think Gwenna is done being dead now.

Speaker 1:
[55:24] My newest book is out now. You can get it everywhere you find your favorite books. There are two essays available in the previous episodes from the one you're listening to right now. If you want to check it out before you commit to buy. And if you really like those episodes, I read you the whole book. You can get the audiobook from Macmillan Audio, again, everywhere you find your favorite audio books.

Speaker 4:
[55:44] And we do want to hear from you. Email us at childproofmail.gmail.com with suggestions, questions, anything else you want us to know.

Speaker 1:
[55:51] There's a higher chance than ever before. We're just going to talk to you about parasocial parenting. And remember, sometimes our kids are assholes.

Speaker 4:
[55:59] And sometimes it's Gwenna calling out Michelle.