transcript
Speaker 1:
[00:00] Hello, it's Ed Gamble here from the podcast that you're currently listening to. Huge news, guys. My brand new stand-up tour, Fresh Hell, is on sale now. Tickets are available at edgamble.co.uk. Look at the full dates. I'm going all over the UK and a bit of Ireland. Come and see me in my brand new show, Fresh Hell, edgamble.co.uk. Welcome to the Off Menu Podcast, taking the dough of conversation, forming it into the balls of humour, baking it in the oven of chat, and covering it in the garlic butter of friendship. James, dough balls, garlic dough balls.
Speaker 2:
[00:49] That is it, Gamble. My name is James Akers. Together, we only drink restaurant every single week. We're inviting the guests, and asking them if they would ever start a main course of side dish and drink, not in that order. And this week, our guest is Graham Norton, the king. National treasurer.
Speaker 1:
[01:03] International treasurer.
Speaker 2:
[01:04] International treasurer. Absolutely love Graham Norton. I mean, you know, grown up watching him do stand up.
Speaker 1:
[01:12] Yes.
Speaker 2:
[01:13] Papa being father Ted.
Speaker 1:
[01:15] Father Ted.
Speaker 2:
[01:15] Obviously his iconic chat show. What's that? How are you speaking?
Speaker 1:
[01:22] Father Ted.
Speaker 2:
[01:22] Yeah. Love Graham Norton. I'm a bit intimidated talking to someone who's so good at interviewing. Yeah.
Speaker 1:
[01:30] I would normally, but I just think he's so friendly, isn't he? Hopefully he brings, hopefully he doesn't tear us apart for our interviewing skills, James.
Speaker 2:
[01:37] Actually, it'd be a privilege.
Speaker 1:
[01:39] Yeah.
Speaker 2:
[01:39] If he tore us apart.
Speaker 1:
[01:40] Yeah.
Speaker 2:
[01:41] I'd love it.
Speaker 1:
[01:42] We deserve it.
Speaker 2:
[01:42] We deserve it. It's been a long time coming. I'm sure there are people listening to this podcast for many years because they love the guests. And like, when is someone going to pick these guys up on their interview? The technique is awful. And it might finally happen. It might finally get you wish. We love Graham Norton, but we will kick him out at the Dream Restaurant if he picks an ingredient, which we deem to be unacceptable, the secret ingredient. And this week, the secret ingredient is Golden Grahams.
Speaker 1:
[02:05] His name's Graham.
Speaker 2:
[02:07] And he's golden.
Speaker 1:
[02:07] Yeah. He's the golden boy.
Speaker 2:
[02:10] The golden boy of television.
Speaker 1:
[02:12] Yes. It'd be funny if we kicked Graham Norton out.
Speaker 2:
[02:15] It'd be really funny.
Speaker 1:
[02:16] It'd be really funny.
Speaker 2:
[02:17] He says, Hey, I know it's my name, but I would like Golden Grahams. Get out.
Speaker 1:
[02:21] Yeah. Get out, mate. Because that's not something he has on his show. That's a format point he's not used to. As far as I'm aware, they don't have anything in place on his chat show where a guest could be kicked out if they say something.
Speaker 2:
[02:31] Is that red chair tip backwards and dunk them into some flames or something?
Speaker 1:
[02:37] Realized we've ripped off Graham Norton. We're just doing a linguistic red chair.
Speaker 2:
[02:41] We've ripped it off.
Speaker 1:
[02:42] Yeah. And we're chatting to people.
Speaker 2:
[02:44] And we're chatting to people, which he owns.
Speaker 1:
[02:46] Yeah.
Speaker 2:
[02:47] Well, you know, fair enough. We weren't to know when we started out. It's gone well now. It's too late to turn back now.
Speaker 1:
[02:52] Yeah. So if Graham does get kicked out, he won't have a chance to talk about his brand new show for ITV.
Speaker 2:
[02:58] The Neighbourhood.
Speaker 1:
[02:59] The Neighbourhood. It's a brand new reality competition format. Different families, different groups of people move to a neighborhood. And it's like an elimination thing. I think, I mean, we're going to find out more about it from Graham, but it seems very interesting. I've not heard about anything.
Speaker 2:
[03:16] Well, it's on the 24th of April and it's on at 9pm on ITV1. I think that's the take home, that's the takeaway.
Speaker 1:
[03:22] And ITVX.
Speaker 2:
[03:23] Oh yeah, of course. Let's not forget ITVX. And what about this podcast, Wanging On?
Speaker 1:
[03:27] Wanging On with Maria McElhane, his friend, Maria McElhane. They do a show together called Wanging On. It's a podcast. We do that. He's ripped us off.
Speaker 2:
[03:37] Yeah. And they've been friends for 30 years.
Speaker 1:
[03:40] Yeah. So they've got something to say to each other, I'm sure.
Speaker 2:
[03:42] Which we're like, I guess we've ripped that off in a way.
Speaker 1:
[03:46] Yeah. We're heading there.
Speaker 2:
[03:47] By being friends.
Speaker 1:
[03:48] Yes. We are friends.
Speaker 2:
[03:49] Friends for 18 years, maybe 17.
Speaker 1:
[03:52] Maybe.
Speaker 2:
[03:52] I don't know exactly what year our friendship started. It's weird if we knew that.
Speaker 1:
[03:57] Yeah.
Speaker 2:
[03:57] We're gone. We're officially, this is it.
Speaker 1:
[04:00] It's weird to do that at the beginning, isn't it?
Speaker 2:
[04:03] Yeah.
Speaker 1:
[04:03] Be like, remember this moment.
Speaker 2:
[04:04] Starting now. If you do that.
Speaker 1:
[04:07] Yeah.
Speaker 2:
[04:08] Right. Starting now.
Speaker 1:
[04:09] Yeah. Benito, can we be friends? Yeah. All right. Starting now.
Speaker 2:
[04:14] Not yet.
Speaker 3:
[04:18] Not yet.
Speaker 1:
[04:18] This is the Off Menu menu of Graham Norton. Welcome, Graham, to the Dream Restaurant.
Speaker 3:
[04:31] Thank you very much.
Speaker 2:
[04:33] Welcome, Graham Norton, to the Dream Restaurant. We've been expecting you for some time.
Speaker 3:
[04:37] Thank you, thank you, thank you.
Speaker 1:
[04:38] Very high energy, but you're very high energy on your show.
Speaker 3:
[04:41] I am, kind of, yeah.
Speaker 1:
[04:42] You're high energy when you need to be, and then you can sit back, and you switch up the energies quite nicely.
Speaker 3:
[04:48] I think people think I'm very busy. They'd be amazed how much time I sit staring at walls, picking my nose in a low-energy way.
Speaker 2:
[04:57] It's very exciting for us. I think, like, I mean, we're not, we've never claimed to be the best in the biz when it comes to interviewing anyway.
Speaker 1:
[05:04] We would never do that.
Speaker 2:
[05:05] But every now and again, we get to interview people who themselves interview people.
Speaker 3:
[05:10] Which is weird, right?
Speaker 2:
[05:11] It is.
Speaker 3:
[05:11] It is. It's a bit better that, you know.
Speaker 2:
[05:13] Yeah. Pot will eat itself. Yeah. It's like if we stick to food, a chef cooking for a chef.
Speaker 1:
[05:19] Yes.
Speaker 2:
[05:20] But this is like two trainee chefs cooking for the master.
Speaker 1:
[05:25] Yeah.
Speaker 3:
[05:25] I don't know about that, but it's very nice for you to say, but I've been doing it a long time, but I still, you know, but the thing that keeps you interested, I think in this thing, whatever this dynamic is, is that you never quite know what you're going to get. You never, you know, you could be all prepared. You can see them on other shows. You can listen to them on podcasts. But once they're in the chair opposite you, it's still kind of an unknown quantity.
Speaker 1:
[05:48] Do you remember who surprised you the most that you've interviewed?
Speaker 3:
[05:51] Loads of people have surprised me. Back in the day, when I was really clueless, like some of the big Hollywood actors, you kind of think, oh, they're going to be so boring and serious. And then, and, you know, Dustin Coughlin came on. He was like a clown.
Speaker 1:
[06:04] Yeah.
Speaker 3:
[06:04] Just told like dick jokes and he was just brilliant.
Speaker 1:
[06:08] Was that back in the day with the Channel 4 show, when you were doing all of, that was like in our house, that was, we had to watch that because it was when Big Brother was on and you were doing like the monologues at the top about Big Brother.
Speaker 3:
[06:18] Yeah.
Speaker 1:
[06:18] And he came on and did a sketch where he was pretending to be someone from Big Brother, right?
Speaker 3:
[06:23] He dressed up as various characters from Big Brother. And like, and it was either season one or season two of Big Brother, when it was, you know, people were blowing everyone's minds. And for those kids to get out of that house, Yeah. I find out that Dustin Hoffman had been playing them.
Speaker 1:
[06:39] And I remember the specific one, because it was such a big, I was like, it blew me away when it was the, it was, I think it was called Johnny. He was a fireman.
Speaker 3:
[06:46] He was a fireman, definitely.
Speaker 1:
[06:47] From County Durham, and he came out, I remember this moment very well. And he came out and he came on your show, and you showed him a video of Dustin Hoffman pretending to be him in the diary room. It's like, what does that do to your brain?
Speaker 3:
[07:00] It is, I mean, and when you think back to, you know, Big Brother then, I mean, it was so huge.
Speaker 1:
[07:07] Yeah.
Speaker 3:
[07:07] I remember once, it was during that time, and rarely, you rarely know kind of when you're having a moment that you could look back on.
Speaker 1:
[07:15] You know what I mean?
Speaker 3:
[07:17] Normally, it's over by the time that happens, but I remember we were having dinner after doing the show and we were in the Oxo Tower and it was a beautiful night and we were sat on that little terrace looking out over London and London Studios were right next door and it really felt like we were at the heart of everything that was going on. It was like, it was exciting at the time.
Speaker 1:
[07:37] That's nice.
Speaker 2:
[07:38] Well, I think we have a new show that is gonna do that, The Neighbourhood.
Speaker 3:
[07:45] Oh, this old dog is learning some new tricks. Yes, there is a new show called The Neighbourhood. Yeah, who knows? Maybe we'll be coming back. It's a big ITV format show. They're taking a really big swing on this thing. It's huge. It's absolutely massive. It wasn't Durham. It was somewhere else. Derbyshire is where we went. And they took over. It's kind of a holiday village. And they took over the whole thing. And it's these real pre-existing households. So some of them are kind of families. Some of them are like blended modern families. Some of them are housemates, like uni friends. And six of them come in and they compete for a quarter of a million.
Speaker 1:
[08:32] Wow.
Speaker 3:
[08:32] Which, what's interesting is, like for the minute they get there, you're only six households away from a quarter of a million.
Speaker 1:
[08:38] Yeah.
Speaker 3:
[08:38] You know, it's not like you're 22 people away from the prize. Yeah. It's very close.
Speaker 1:
[08:44] So it's competitive straight away.
Speaker 3:
[08:46] Well, it's an odd thing. It's kind of half competitive and then half lovely because they all get on. It's, I'm probably not selling the show if I say it's wholesome, but it genuinely felt wholesome because the sun is out. Like we're doing these, the way they vote each other out is quite cute. They do these things called the removals, where each household puts a for sale sign outside the house they want to leave. And we're doing them and the sun is setting and they're literally a duck with her ducklings walking across the set. It was about like a heron flying overhead.
Speaker 1:
[09:25] I think people want a bit of wholesome sometimes though, right? Especially, I think there's always like a reflective thing of how the world is versus what the TV you want is. And it's always the opposite, I think.
Speaker 3:
[09:34] I mean, I think this, you watch it and one, there's a site kind of Truman Show, the art department has done an amazing job of kind of, it's all real, it's all there, but it's kind of heightened. And even when you were on set, you'd kind of see flowers and you're kind of, are those real? Is that fake? And you'd have to touch them. And then, you know, you'd see people watering fake flowers. So there's that element, but then, you know, I don't think this was meant to be a part of the show, but what's kind of lovely is some of these households in real life would either never meet or certainly would not spend time getting to know each other. And that I found really kind of cheery and optimistic and lovely that the households did not behave in the way that I, you know, cynically thought they would.
Speaker 1:
[10:27] Yes.
Speaker 3:
[10:28] They didn't turn on the people they thought they would.
Speaker 1:
[10:29] Do you live in the neighborhood as well?
Speaker 3:
[10:31] I'm there most of the time.
Speaker 1:
[10:34] You don't have like a house right on the top of the hill or something?
Speaker 3:
[10:36] I did have a little cottage on the top of the hill. But because there was nothing to do, I did kind of just hang out there because I was in, I had my own little house by the lake and it had a big bank of monitors where I could kind of watch everything that was going on. Because these poor people are being filmed 24-7. Now that I'm doing the voiceover and watching it, I'm seeing all this stuff that I didn't know had happened.
Speaker 1:
[11:01] Great.
Speaker 2:
[11:02] That's good that behind all the wholesomeness, there's a big house by the lake where someone's watching on loads of monitors 24-7. That is good.
Speaker 3:
[11:12] But it was interesting though, the people who came in with that mindset thinking, right, this is all a TV show and a game, and they came in with like a game plan, they didn't do very well. It was the people who just came in and jogged long and got on with people. They made it kind of further in the show.
Speaker 2:
[11:29] Sold.
Speaker 1:
[11:30] Yeah.
Speaker 2:
[11:30] Let's get into your dream menu. We always start with still on...
Speaker 1:
[11:33] Well, we should do a bit more.
Speaker 2:
[11:35] Oh, sorry, yes.
Speaker 1:
[11:36] James, we should do a bit more, Wanging On.
Speaker 3:
[11:38] Oh. Oh, God, this old dog learning his thing.
Speaker 2:
[11:41] It's going to get me. See, I thought we were going to get rid of the bit of me fucking up, but now we've got to keep it in because I did that.
Speaker 1:
[11:49] Yeah.
Speaker 2:
[11:50] Fair enough.
Speaker 1:
[11:50] I'm a pro at making you look shit.
Speaker 3:
[11:53] People want to hear it all.
Speaker 1:
[11:54] Yeah.
Speaker 3:
[11:55] Authentic voices.
Speaker 1:
[11:57] Your podcast, Wanging On.
Speaker 3:
[11:59] Yes. I'm so sorry I've joined. I mean, mind you, I thought we must be the last possible podcast. No. People are still climbing on board, the podcast train, destination nowhere. But yeah, basically, it's a thing. I did it on Radio 2 with my friend Maria. It's problems. People write in. So we did it for 10 years on Radio 2. Then I went to Virgil for three years. Then I quit that. People said, oh, you should do a podcast. And we think, you don't mean that. And we did. And it turns out people do quite like it. Yeah.
Speaker 1:
[12:36] They do like them.
Speaker 3:
[12:37] Yeah. I listen to way more podcasts than I used to.
Speaker 1:
[12:43] Yeah.
Speaker 3:
[12:43] Yeah. Do you guys listen to podcasts?
Speaker 1:
[12:47] I listen to a few. James doesn't listen to any of them. He'll never listen to this back. He'll never.
Speaker 2:
[12:51] No.
Speaker 3:
[12:51] What do you just live in silence?
Speaker 2:
[12:53] I like the music all the time.
Speaker 3:
[12:55] That you play or is on the radio?
Speaker 2:
[12:58] No, that's like I've bought online. I'm buying it online. I'm downloading. I'm doing that and then listening to it. Quite obsessively listen to music. But then like every now and again, maybe every five years, I'll discover a podcast I like.
Speaker 3:
[13:14] That recommends some music.
Speaker 2:
[13:16] Normally, it's a limited series. It's not one that runs and runs. I did Dead Eyes, but that's because it's like that is 30 episodes or whatever.
Speaker 3:
[13:24] What was Dead Eyes? Sounds good.
Speaker 1:
[13:26] Dead Eyes is by an improviser and actor who was cast in Band of Brothers.
Speaker 3:
[13:33] I have heard that.
Speaker 2:
[13:34] Yeah.
Speaker 1:
[13:35] I've actually listened to it. You've got to consume a lot of content.
Speaker 2:
[13:39] Dead Eyes. It's fantastic. At the end of it, I felt properly like I would feel at the end of a TV show when it's finished or something like satisfied, but also a little bit sad that it's over.
Speaker 3:
[13:52] Yeah. That's a lovely feeling.
Speaker 2:
[13:54] Yeah. That's a nice feeling.
Speaker 1:
[13:55] They'll never get that with us.
Speaker 2:
[13:57] No. Well, I fucking hope so. I hope one day I'll feel the relief and sadness that it's over. Well, still a spark in water, I guess.
Speaker 3:
[14:11] Back to the format.
Speaker 2:
[14:12] Yeah.
Speaker 3:
[14:18] Sadly, I do have a problem. Also, can I just say, I'm totally invested in this. I'm playing the game. I listen to this podcast. I enjoy this podcast. But I don't want anyone listening to this to think that I think my choices are interesting. Okay. Sure. You know, I worked in restaurants for years, and those customers who kind of do all the kind of, if you were me, what would you have? All that, like their dinner is interesting to anyone else, apart from them. Yeah. So, I...
Speaker 2:
[14:48] I'm in.
Speaker 3:
[14:49] But I just don't want anyone to think I'm that guy.
Speaker 1:
[14:51] And we want truth from you, Graham. You don't need to suddenly start picking wild things.
Speaker 3:
[14:56] No, no, I'm making choices.
Speaker 1:
[14:57] Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2:
[14:58] Also, I was going to say, you don't need to worry, because it's a podcast, we're asking. But you did, because, you know, you probably had this when you've interviewed people. And then afterwards, someone says to you, oh, I heard such and such on your show the other day. They love the sound of their own voice. And you're like, there's an interview in it. Yeah.
Speaker 3:
[15:15] I remember I wrote an autobiography, and one of the reviews said it was all about him.
Speaker 2:
[15:19] Yeah, yeah. The book, Graham Norton.
Speaker 3:
[15:24] That's right.
Speaker 2:
[15:25] Yes, it was.
Speaker 3:
[15:27] Yeah, that's right.
Speaker 2:
[15:29] We love it when someone loves the sound of their own voice on our podcast. Please talk.
Speaker 3:
[15:33] I love the sound of my own voice.
Speaker 1:
[15:35] You don't believe your choices.
Speaker 3:
[15:36] I don't believe my food choices are interesting.
Speaker 1:
[15:38] They're just your genuine choices, which is good. Still or sparkling water?
Speaker 3:
[15:42] I'm going sparkling.
Speaker 1:
[15:43] Oh, boring.
Speaker 3:
[15:47] It's still at home. I'm out. I'm in a restaurant. It's so sparkling.
Speaker 2:
[15:52] And surely you can't, when you do do like, when you're interviewing people, you can't have sparkling water on the table, can you?
Speaker 3:
[15:58] I don't have any water on the table.
Speaker 1:
[15:59] You have wine.
Speaker 2:
[15:59] You don't have any water on the table for your shows?
Speaker 3:
[16:01] The guests can have it. I don't have any water.
Speaker 2:
[16:04] What the hell?
Speaker 1:
[16:05] You have a little wine, right?
Speaker 3:
[16:05] Yeah, a big wine.
Speaker 1:
[16:06] Big wine.
Speaker 3:
[16:07] People think it's so big, people think it is water.
Speaker 2:
[16:11] Yeah.
Speaker 3:
[16:11] Cause it's got ice in it and it's in a huge glass.
Speaker 2:
[16:14] I assumed you would have some water nearby, something like that.
Speaker 3:
[16:17] No, no, just wine. Don't wine.
Speaker 2:
[16:21] Respect.
Speaker 1:
[16:22] How are you pacing yourself through that wine during the record?
Speaker 3:
[16:25] Honestly, I really do just sip it.
Speaker 1:
[16:28] Yeah.
Speaker 3:
[16:29] It came about because years ago when I started doing stand up or just doing like solo shows and stuff, like friends would go, oh, you seemed nervous. And I could feel it in myself. I could feel that I was nervous. And then I was doing a terrible gig for the Australian Tourist Commission and-
Speaker 1:
[16:51] That's an immediate no from him.
Speaker 2:
[16:53] A no brainer for Buckingham. Yeah.
Speaker 3:
[16:57] Honestly, I was so early, I was so green. It was because somebody I knew worked there. So, you know, one of those things, they should never have booked me. But anyway, I was a surprise. So I was supposed to be like a pretend guest at the thing. But so I had to stand with my glass of Australian wine. And I was sipping it. And because you're in that kind of adrenaline heightened thing, I could feel the wine, like going through, I could feel it in me. And it, and just those couple of sips just took the edge off.
Speaker 1:
[17:32] Yeah.
Speaker 3:
[17:33] And so after that, I went, right, I'm gonna do this. If I'm gonna monitor it, if it goes into suddenly, oh, you need two glasses of wine before you go on, then I'll knock it on the head. But for now, it's doing a job. And, you know, I don't really get nervous anymore. But so now it's just habit. But that's where it came from, was just that it was like, almost like science that I could dose myself with a little bit of wine and just take the edge off.
Speaker 1:
[18:00] How did the gig for the Australian Tourist Company?
Speaker 3:
[18:02] Really good.
Speaker 1:
[18:03] Wow.
Speaker 3:
[18:04] Yeah. Killed, killed. They talk about it still.
Speaker 2:
[18:07] You've heard of Australia, haven't you?
Speaker 1:
[18:08] Yeah. Good point. I've been. I've been to the Tourist.
Speaker 3:
[18:11] See?
Speaker 1:
[18:11] There's a reason for that.
Speaker 2:
[18:13] So you want sparkling water or do you want a humongous glass of wine?
Speaker 3:
[18:17] I will have a humongous glass of wine. Yeah.
Speaker 2:
[18:19] Yeah. Yeah.
Speaker 3:
[18:20] I might start with something else though, like drinks-wise.
Speaker 1:
[18:23] Sure.
Speaker 3:
[18:24] So that isn't even in your choices, is it?
Speaker 2:
[18:26] No.
Speaker 1:
[18:26] Yeah, but we let people hack it. Oh, okay.
Speaker 2:
[18:28] We let people have different drinks throughout the meal.
Speaker 1:
[18:31] And a pair of teeth.
Speaker 3:
[18:31] Okay. Well, I would have, then I'd start with, ideally, but you can't ask for this because no one knows how to make it, no one knows how to make it, is a dirty wet martini.
Speaker 1:
[18:42] Dirty wet martini?
Speaker 3:
[18:43] Yeah. Because all martinis are dry now.
Speaker 1:
[18:46] Yes. So you want like half of a mousse, half...
Speaker 3:
[18:49] A little bit of a mousse. Well done. I'm going to your restaurant.
Speaker 2:
[18:52] Yeah. He's the guy. You don't want to come to mine.
Speaker 1:
[18:54] Yeah, yeah, yeah. I know my martinis a bit.
Speaker 2:
[18:56] Yeah. I would have just looked at you and gone, they're all wet. That would have not gone well. Yeah, he knows his stuff.
Speaker 1:
[19:04] Gin or vodka?
Speaker 3:
[19:05] Dirty, so vodka.
Speaker 1:
[19:07] Yeah, you can't dirty the gin.
Speaker 3:
[19:08] Well, can you dirty gin?
Speaker 1:
[19:10] You can give it a go. I don't think it tastes very much.
Speaker 3:
[19:12] I'm just not mad. I like gin, you know, but not as a martini. Too much gin.
Speaker 1:
[19:18] How many olives?
Speaker 3:
[19:19] I don't care. I don't ask, as it comes, you know, so long as there's a bit of, you know, the brine in there.
Speaker 1:
[19:26] Yeah, you need the brine. Have you experienced the blue cheese olive martini?
Speaker 3:
[19:30] Fuck off. That's so rank.
Speaker 1:
[19:35] I love it.
Speaker 3:
[19:36] Really?
Speaker 1:
[19:36] Yeah, big time.
Speaker 3:
[19:37] Oh, no, that's, it's just, no, it's working way too hard. It's doing way too much. There shouldn't, you shouldn't have cheese in your drink.
Speaker 2:
[19:46] Yeah.
Speaker 1:
[19:46] And you can see the cheese, it's sort of, there's a scum on the top. There's a cheese scum on the top.
Speaker 2:
[19:50] Only if you leave it in there. I ordered it once. I was like, I've heard so much, mainly from Ed asking this question on the podcast about these blue cheese olive martinis. So the only time I've ever been offered it, said yes, they arrive. I'd say within five seconds, I'd eaten all the olives. Yeah. So I did nothing. So I was like, oh, these are good. Had all the blue cheese stuffed olives. And then we just sat there like, oh, I guess that doesn't really.
Speaker 3:
[20:13] With a martini.
Speaker 2:
[20:14] Yeah. I've got a martini now.
Speaker 3:
[20:15] I've had that.
Speaker 2:
[20:16] Yeah, I should have had it.
Speaker 3:
[20:17] I'll take that off you.
Speaker 1:
[20:18] I was just in Chicago and I went to a steak house. I was alone and started with a martini. I'd say it was a pint and a half of martini with blue cheese olives. Best night of my life.
Speaker 3:
[20:28] America, here, you order martini and there's little kind of dolls house glasses arrive. With America, oh, lovely.
Speaker 1:
[20:37] Huge.
Speaker 3:
[20:38] Huge, big.
Speaker 1:
[20:39] You're going to drink it quickly.
Speaker 3:
[20:40] Deedee Von Tees could be in your glass. I love it.
Speaker 2:
[20:44] Poppadoms or bread? Poppadoms or bread? Graham Norton, Poppadoms or bread?
Speaker 3:
[20:47] I'm going bread.
Speaker 2:
[20:48] Probably shouted over that.
Speaker 3:
[20:49] Yeah.
Speaker 2:
[20:50] Didn't know you were going to talk.
Speaker 1:
[20:51] That's the rules.
Speaker 3:
[20:51] Because I've listened to a lot of this podcast, but I haven't listened to all of it. How is Poppadoms a choice?
Speaker 1:
[20:56] Well, we say it's the sort of thing that would come at the start of a meal.
Speaker 3:
[21:00] In an Indian restaurant?
Speaker 2:
[21:01] Yes.
Speaker 1:
[21:02] I'm trying to back James up here, but he did it on the first episode without asking, and now we have to do it.
Speaker 2:
[21:07] Basically, I think the day before the first episode or something like that, I've been to a curry house. They brought the Poppadoms out. I thought, I fucking love Poppadoms. I love them so much. I want to get it into our podcast somehow. They're so good. I was like, Joe, I actually think I prefer it when they bring out Poppadoms, when you go to a restaurant and they bring bread out at the beginning. So, I'm going to do that tomorrow.
Speaker 3:
[21:31] No, I like Poppadoms. It just never crossed my mind in a non-Indian restaurant to cover it.
Speaker 1:
[21:37] You're right.
Speaker 3:
[21:37] Where are the Poppadoms?
Speaker 1:
[21:38] Yeah, you are correct about that.
Speaker 2:
[21:39] This restaurant is kind of like your bread. Any particular type of bread?
Speaker 3:
[21:46] Oh, now you're giving me the bread choices. I mean, to be honest, I could do without the bread. I don't care about the bread.
Speaker 1:
[21:54] Try to replace it with a drink.
Speaker 3:
[21:55] I'll take it. Well, I'm still enjoying my martini. I'll have another one if you're in Aubrey. Since you're here. If it took a long time, if it took a long time, I will often then order my drink when they bring the first one. Because you kind of think, I'll need that. I'll need that lag.
Speaker 2:
[22:11] See, normally with our Irish guests, there's a little bit of pressure on this course to hit some certain points.
Speaker 3:
[22:18] Oh, soda bread.
Speaker 2:
[22:19] Hit soda bread, hit a certain type of butter. Oh, Kerry Gould. Yeah, those things come up. People are quite delighted when those things, not Graham Norton.
Speaker 3:
[22:28] No, I could care less. I occasionally would have a bit of toast or something.
Speaker 2:
[22:35] Yeah.
Speaker 3:
[22:35] But I rarely eat bread. Like it wouldn't cross my mind to buy bread in a shop.
Speaker 2:
[22:39] Sure.
Speaker 1:
[22:39] I rarely buy bread. I love bread. But that's why I don't buy bread.
Speaker 3:
[22:42] Oh, because you eat it.
Speaker 1:
[22:43] Yeah, because I eat it. I eat it all. And the other day, I did buy a Gale's loaf. And then I was like, I can't touch that again. So I put it on the draining board. Because I wouldn't look at it.
Speaker 3:
[22:54] What? So that it would get wet.
Speaker 1:
[22:56] So when I go into the kitchen, I'm just like looking around the kitchen. I'm not going, oh, I want some bread and go straight to the draining board.
Speaker 2:
[23:02] Sorry. You put it on the draining board so that you wouldn't look at it. What are you talking about?
Speaker 3:
[23:06] It says a lot about how many dishes you do. Someone in your house does not do drying up. I'll put this somewhere. I'm never going to see it near the draining board. I'm never going to see it near the draining board. You could have hid it in the oven.
Speaker 1:
[23:20] If I put it in the dishwasher, I'll see it every day. Put it in weird places so it's not a go-to. I'm not putting it on the side where the rest of the food goes.
Speaker 2:
[23:31] I'll tell you where you should put it, where in our house if it goes and then everyone forgets about it and doesn't see it. That's where we've got a bread bin, but we absolutely have had to stop using it. Because every time we put bread in there, then it's out of sight, we completely forget about it. Next time, a few weeks later, buy a loaf of bread, have some toast, got to put it in the bread bin, big moldy loaf in there staring back at you.
Speaker 3:
[23:57] You have bread.
Speaker 2:
[23:58] You don't have to have bread if you don't want to have bread.
Speaker 1:
[24:00] If you don't want bread, Graham, you don't have to have bread.
Speaker 3:
[24:01] Well, then I'm not having it.
Speaker 1:
[24:02] This is your dream meal.
Speaker 3:
[24:03] Take it back.
Speaker 2:
[24:04] Take it back.
Speaker 3:
[24:05] Put your tongs down.
Speaker 1:
[24:06] Yeah. So as a restaurant, we're nervous now because we're excited to have, we're excited to have Graham Norton and then, and then we go back to the kitchen and go, Graham didn't want the bread.
Speaker 2:
[24:15] He didn't want it.
Speaker 1:
[24:16] And now the chef's worried.
Speaker 3:
[24:17] No, I don't think waiters ever care if you turn down the bread. I think the key thing to remember is waiters don't care at all. Yeah. Yeah. So long as you pay, that's all they care about. Okay.
Speaker 2:
[24:29] Yeah. Some waiters only start to care or show they care at that point when it's time to pay. The whole meal, just looking at you like you're a piece of shit. You're trying to get them to like you. They're not interested. Then they come along and hand you the card machine. And then as you're about to pay, they go, anything fun planned tonight? What are you up to tonight?
Speaker 3:
[24:51] Oh, that sounds good.
Speaker 2:
[24:52] I like that. That sounds like my kind of evening. You're cool.
Speaker 1:
[24:57] And the tip, you just do the tip on the tip there.
Speaker 2:
[24:59] Then you look at the screen, add a tip.
Speaker 3:
[25:02] Yeah. I mean, when I did it, the thing that I think, like I never worked in very good restaurants. So when waiters come up now at the beginning of a meal and go, you know, is everything okay with your food? Like I would never have done that because I knew the answer.
Speaker 1:
[25:17] Well, like in places, there's some places where coming up and checking if everything is all right is built into the routine of how you work there, right?
Speaker 3:
[25:23] Oh yeah, no, it's the, you have to.
Speaker 1:
[25:26] But in Nando's, it's very obvious because they have to come and take the cockerel away from the table.
Speaker 2:
[25:31] Yeah.
Speaker 1:
[25:31] So in Nando's, there's a little cockerel.
Speaker 3:
[25:35] I've never been there.
Speaker 1:
[25:36] So there's a little wooden cockerel at your table when you sit down.
Speaker 3:
[25:39] I might go now.
Speaker 1:
[25:40] Yeah.
Speaker 2:
[25:41] It's not life size, it's tiny.
Speaker 3:
[25:42] Yeah, it is.
Speaker 1:
[25:43] It's very small. It's within the table number. And they come over when you've started eating the food and they go, is everything all right? And you go, yeah. And before you finish saying, yeah, you're taking the wooden cockerel away and fucked off.
Speaker 2:
[25:53] Yeah.
Speaker 3:
[25:54] What's that about?
Speaker 1:
[25:54] Well, I think it's just, it's so they know that they've asked. So, you look at the tables and you go.
Speaker 3:
[26:00] Too late to complain now, the cock's gone.
Speaker 2:
[26:01] Yeah. Let's get into your menu proper, your dream starter.
Speaker 3:
[26:09] I know. Starters I found difficult because starters are normally the nicest bit of the meal.
Speaker 1:
[26:14] Correct.
Speaker 3:
[26:15] Great.
Speaker 1:
[26:15] Thank you.
Speaker 2:
[26:16] Oh, no, not correct, but I like you, so we'll carry on.
Speaker 3:
[26:21] It's a fantasy, isn't it? It's a dream thing. So, there's a place in New York and these sound like they're not good, but they're delicious and they do these lettuce cups, right? And it's a little, you know, like the lettuce is like a little burrito thing. And inside, it's really, I think, it's just kind of avocado chopped up with some herbs and seeds and stuff. Like it does sound awful, but it's genuinely the most delicious thing.
Speaker 1:
[26:54] Is there a dressing in there or something?
Speaker 3:
[26:55] Yeah, there'll be something in there, a bit of soya or, you know, rice wine or something. I don't know what's in there, but it's delicious.
Speaker 1:
[27:04] Whereabouts is this restaurant?
Speaker 3:
[27:05] It's a place called ABCV. It's Jean Georges and, oh, I think you can get them here now. I think he opened a restaurant in some new hotel because I can't remember any of it, but yeah, so that recommendation's, Google it, kids. But these lettuce cups are just delicious. Really, really good.
Speaker 1:
[27:26] I love that so far you've had two martinis and then some lettuce to start. You're going to be all over the place, Graham. They're very filling, though. Send back the bread. Get your most out of the martinis.
Speaker 3:
[27:37] Two olives and some lettuce.
Speaker 2:
[27:40] You spend a lot of time in America. You're back and forth quite a bit, quite regularly.
Speaker 3:
[27:44] Yeah, I mean, less so now.
Speaker 2:
[27:47] For sure. That's why you're starting new civilizations in the UK and making a TV show.
Speaker 3:
[27:53] Yeah, so I must say, yeah, I go a lot less now. But I miss it. It's kind of heartbreaking. But especially New York, I love New York.
Speaker 2:
[28:04] Yeah, that's my favorite place to go a lot of the time in America is New York. Especially for food, you find just great stuff everywhere.
Speaker 3:
[28:10] Yeah, it's amazing. It really is. And you kind of think, oh, is London catching up? And in ways London is catching up. There's amazing food in London, but somehow it seems more accessible in New York or just easier to find in New York.
Speaker 1:
[28:26] It does, and it feels so fancy and authentic, do you know what I mean? First time I went to New York, I was looking around and even places that were probably terrible, I was looking at them going, I bet that's amazing. Yeah, because we're in New York.
Speaker 3:
[28:39] And also, the other thing is like here, if you hear about a great restaurant, you go, oh, that sounds fabulous. Oh, that will take me an hour and 45 minutes to get to. I'll need to eat again by the time I get home. So, yeah, whereas, you know, New York is, you're there.
Speaker 1:
[28:57] Popping a cab.
Speaker 3:
[28:58] Yeah. Yeah, do it, go on.
Speaker 2:
[29:01] Have you had meals with big celebs in New York? The big Hollywood celebs?
Speaker 1:
[29:06] Dish the goss, Greg.
Speaker 2:
[29:07] Dish the goss.
Speaker 3:
[29:08] Have I eaten with famous, oh, do you know what I have? I have. I did an animated film, animated voice.
Speaker 2:
[29:18] Soul.
Speaker 3:
[29:18] Soul, yeah.
Speaker 2:
[29:19] Brilliant in Soul.
Speaker 1:
[29:20] Yes.
Speaker 3:
[29:20] Thank you very much. Well, Soul, Tina Fey, was the lead, and Jamie Foxx also, but Jamie Foxx wasn't there, but Pete Doctor, is that his name? Yeah.
Speaker 2:
[29:33] The director?
Speaker 3:
[29:34] The director, yeah. And he had a dinner. You're very good at this.
Speaker 1:
[29:37] He loves films, this guy.
Speaker 3:
[29:38] Okay. He had a dinner, and so it was me, the co-writer and co-director who worked with him, and Tina, her husband, Jeff, and Amy Poehler came, because she's in Inside Out, which he also does.
Speaker 1:
[29:54] He's another doctor joint.
Speaker 2:
[29:55] Another doctor joint, you know what I mean?
Speaker 1:
[29:56] This is my rap name.
Speaker 3:
[29:58] And it felt kind of, you know, he felt like a competition winner. You know, I felt like I should have bid for this at a charity auction.
Speaker 2:
[30:04] Yeah.
Speaker 3:
[30:05] But here I am.
Speaker 2:
[30:06] That's what I felt like I did a film, and I was like, Ghostbusters, I was like, exactly the-
Speaker 1:
[30:11] Frozen Empire.
Speaker 2:
[30:12] Ghostbusters, Frozen Empire, yeah. I wasn't in-
Speaker 1:
[30:14] The original Ghostbusters.
Speaker 3:
[30:15] The original Ghostbusters.
Speaker 2:
[30:17] Could have been, we don't know. Yeah. But that's actually the phrase I used was competition winner. I think when you're like a comedian, and then you suddenly end up there with a bunch of people who have, their whole life has been aiming towards doing exactly that.
Speaker 3:
[30:31] Yeah.
Speaker 2:
[30:32] And you just like accidentally sidestepped into it, it does feel very competition winner-y in the best way.
Speaker 3:
[30:39] Oh, no, it's lovely. And also, they talk to you as if you have a right to be there, which is so kind of them, do you know what I mean?
Speaker 1:
[30:49] Do you call them that at the time as well?
Speaker 3:
[30:50] They take you kind of seriously.
Speaker 1:
[30:51] This is so kind of you, by the way.
Speaker 2:
[30:52] Yeah. Thank you for doing it.
Speaker 3:
[30:53] Oh, you know my name.
Speaker 2:
[30:56] You actually smashed that film, man. You're great.
Speaker 3:
[31:00] Oh, that's great.
Speaker 2:
[31:00] You smashed it out of the park.
Speaker 3:
[31:01] Wow.
Speaker 2:
[31:02] The energy in that character is very important. Like, brilliant character.
Speaker 3:
[31:07] Thank you. I have to say, I really enjoyed doing it because they did direct me, which was, you know, because I've trained as an actor, but you know, anyway, that ended badly. And did it?
Speaker 1:
[31:18] Did it?
Speaker 3:
[31:19] Well, hello.
Speaker 2:
[31:21] Father Ted, hello.
Speaker 1:
[31:22] Father Ted's soul. That's a pretty good CV, isn't it?
Speaker 3:
[31:25] I mean, there's been some lean years in between.
Speaker 1:
[31:29] Yeah. What have you been doing with yourself?
Speaker 3:
[31:30] A lot of rep. 30 years of regional rep.
Speaker 1:
[31:34] Dinner theatre.
Speaker 3:
[31:35] Yeah, dinner theatre.
Speaker 1:
[31:36] Faulty Towers, the dinner show.
Speaker 2:
[31:38] Oh yeah, you're very good in that. It's still going, isn't it?
Speaker 1:
[31:41] Yeah.
Speaker 3:
[31:42] Somebody must go to it.
Speaker 1:
[31:43] Yeah.
Speaker 3:
[31:43] I mean, they're not doing it for no one.
Speaker 2:
[31:45] It would be fun though, if you did, like, imagine if like, for a little while, you just did Manuel in that. And people went to that and they go, is that Graham Norton?
Speaker 1:
[31:54] That's so deep in character.
Speaker 3:
[31:55] Yeah. So, so deep, yeah.
Speaker 1:
[31:57] We talked about this before, that, what if you find out you just love the food at Faulty Towers, the dinner experience?
Speaker 3:
[32:03] Or there's the Mamma Mia dinner experience.
Speaker 1:
[32:05] What if that's your favourite food, though, in your life, but you hate the show? Yeah.
Speaker 2:
[32:10] Tastes delicious. You're having a go.
Speaker 3:
[32:13] That is some sort of definition of hell.
Speaker 2:
[32:15] Yeah. Having to put up with that.
Speaker 3:
[32:17] Yeah. Or you get somebody to offer you like free food for life, but you've got to make it.
Speaker 1:
[32:22] A Faulty Towers of Dining Experience black card.
Speaker 2:
[32:26] Don't tell him you got this.
Speaker 3:
[32:27] Have they stopped the Nando's one, haven't they?
Speaker 1:
[32:30] I don't know.
Speaker 2:
[32:31] Well, I think originally, it was this thing where they didn't want people to confirm that they existed. So it was this whole thing that you can't say that you've got one. So now I'm not sure. Now I think, had they really stopped them, or is this like, they're even more exclusive now. They've gone, we've got to go, let's create a fake room that it's stopped.
Speaker 1:
[32:52] Yeah.
Speaker 2:
[32:53] I don't know who to trust.
Speaker 1:
[32:54] I'm so far underground now.
Speaker 3:
[32:55] Yeah, I feel like it, well, also, it's in their discretion. You don't need a card. If the manager knows you and thinks you're amazing, they'll just comp your meal, won't they?
Speaker 1:
[33:05] Yeah, I mean, look, I mean, hands up, I had a black card for a bit. Did I use it very often? Absolutely not. Because when are you really going into a branch of Nando's very rarely and also guilt.
Speaker 2:
[33:17] Yeah.
Speaker 3:
[33:18] You feel ridiculous, why am I getting a free meal?
Speaker 1:
[33:20] It's just quite cheap.
Speaker 3:
[33:21] Well, also, I finally had a point in my life where I could afford it.
Speaker 2:
[33:24] Yeah.
Speaker 1:
[33:24] Yeah.
Speaker 3:
[33:24] And now you're telling me I don't have to pay.
Speaker 2:
[33:26] It's disgusting. It should be that a Nando's is just a random, like a golden ticket thing.
Speaker 3:
[33:32] That's a really good idea.
Speaker 2:
[33:33] And people just get the, you could go along, and if you can find me a meal, yeah, take the cock away, put a black card there.
Speaker 1:
[33:40] Man, I hope I win a black card.
Speaker 2:
[33:42] No, not you. You can afford your meals.
Speaker 1:
[33:46] But winning it would feel good.
Speaker 3:
[33:46] Did it expire?
Speaker 1:
[33:48] Yeah, they're a year.
Speaker 3:
[33:49] Oh, okay. Just in case your career tanks. Yeah, exactly.
Speaker 1:
[33:52] Just in case you get cancelled.
Speaker 3:
[33:55] Oh no, he doesn't go any nearer anymore.
Speaker 2:
[34:04] Your dream main course, Graham.
Speaker 3:
[34:06] Well, no, because you're obviously a big fan of main courses. I'm, let's all have fish.
Speaker 1:
[34:10] Oh, no, I'm starter and main course. He's all dessert.
Speaker 3:
[34:14] Oh, you're all dessert?
Speaker 1:
[34:15] Yeah.
Speaker 3:
[34:15] Bread, poppadoms and dessert. Yeah, you're happy.
Speaker 2:
[34:18] If I could survive on that and not die within a year, that'd be what I'd be in all the time.
Speaker 3:
[34:23] Yeah, I think you could.
Speaker 2:
[34:23] You could.
Speaker 1:
[34:24] It wouldn't be a nice life, would it?
Speaker 3:
[34:26] I'm not sure your gut health would be great, but you'd live.
Speaker 2:
[34:29] Oh, well, that's gonna be something to think about. I didn't know I'd live.
Speaker 3:
[34:34] I would say Popadoms are probably your breakfast go-to.
Speaker 2:
[34:37] Yeah, Popadoms for breakfast and then desserts all day.
Speaker 3:
[34:39] And then dessert for lunch and dinner.
Speaker 2:
[34:40] Yeah, Dream Main course.
Speaker 3:
[34:42] Okay, I'm going with salmon. I'm going to have just a darn of salmon.
Speaker 2:
[34:48] A what?
Speaker 1:
[34:48] A darn?
Speaker 3:
[34:49] A darn. It's a new, well, I don't know if it's a new word. Do you remember? You used to get salmon steak. You never see a salmon steak anymore.
Speaker 2:
[35:00] I'm not seeing that. Tuna steaks, I'm familiar with.
Speaker 3:
[35:03] Swordfish. There's something bad about swordfish in there.
Speaker 1:
[35:06] Is there?
Speaker 2:
[35:07] Yeah, probably. Even with tuna, I think it's just like, yeah. Like people shouldn't be.
Speaker 1:
[35:10] Oh, is it sustainability?
Speaker 2:
[35:11] Yeah, I think there's stuff in there.
Speaker 3:
[35:12] Well, also there's the mercury poisoning in tuna as well.
Speaker 2:
[35:15] Right, okay.
Speaker 3:
[35:15] So salmon, a darn is that funny little, you know, it's just a...
Speaker 1:
[35:22] A long bit.
Speaker 3:
[35:23] Yeah. A slice of it. It's got some skin on one side.
Speaker 1:
[35:25] Yeah, okay.
Speaker 2:
[35:26] Yeah.
Speaker 1:
[35:27] Like a fillet, is it like a fillet?
Speaker 2:
[35:28] Is it a fillet?
Speaker 3:
[35:29] I don't know.
Speaker 1:
[35:30] I've never heard darn before.
Speaker 3:
[35:31] Have you never heard darn?
Speaker 1:
[35:32] I've never heard darn.
Speaker 3:
[35:32] Is that an Irish thing?
Speaker 1:
[35:33] Yeah, it must be.
Speaker 3:
[35:34] I don't know. I mean, I never see it on a menu, but I see it in a supermarket. Darns of salmon.
Speaker 2:
[35:40] A supermarket in Ireland?
Speaker 3:
[35:42] Yeah.
Speaker 2:
[35:43] Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 3:
[35:45] I like darn salmon.
Speaker 1:
[35:48] That could be your next animated feature, that darn salmon.
Speaker 3:
[35:51] That darn salmon. Darn salmon.
Speaker 1:
[35:53] Swimming upstream.
Speaker 3:
[35:54] Desperate to spawn. I'm surprised they haven't made that.
Speaker 2:
[35:58] Yeah, you'd think, because Finding Nemo did so well.
Speaker 1:
[36:02] Yeah.
Speaker 3:
[36:02] So, yeah.
Speaker 1:
[36:03] Salmon swimming upstream to achieve a goal.
Speaker 3:
[36:05] Yeah. And you could meet bears along the way. I kind of thought you could meet Daniel Boone. All sorts.
Speaker 1:
[36:12] A fisherman, like a fisherman bad guy.
Speaker 3:
[36:14] Yes. Yeah.
Speaker 1:
[36:15] Oh yeah.
Speaker 3:
[36:16] Some industrial people, people are trying to farm salmon. Yeah. You could meet all the zombie farmed salmon.
Speaker 2:
[36:21] Oh yeah.
Speaker 3:
[36:22] Living in a big thing.
Speaker 1:
[36:23] Yeah.
Speaker 2:
[36:23] This writes itself.
Speaker 1:
[36:24] Yeah.
Speaker 3:
[36:25] What are we doing here?
Speaker 1:
[36:27] This writes itself. Graham's done a lot of that.
Speaker 2:
[36:29] No, no, no, no.
Speaker 3:
[36:31] You and the bad fisherman.
Speaker 2:
[36:32] We're fine.
Speaker 1:
[36:34] I love the idea of sitting in a writing room, letting everyone else do the work and go, this writes itself. This is incredible. Good job, guys. It writes itself.
Speaker 2:
[36:44] Keep on writing it. What do you want with your salmon? How do you want it done?
Speaker 3:
[36:49] Just like pan fried. I don't really care.
Speaker 2:
[36:51] Okay.
Speaker 3:
[36:52] Yeah, I'll eat it. Pan fried, say. Pan fried. Oh, sometimes it comes with a kind of little, one of those yellow sauces. Like Hollandaise. Hollandaise. Something A's.
Speaker 1:
[37:05] Do you have an A's preference?
Speaker 3:
[37:08] What's the one with tarragon in it?
Speaker 1:
[37:10] That's Bernays, I think. Or is it Hollandaise? I think it's Bernays.
Speaker 3:
[37:14] I hear the sound of typing.
Speaker 1:
[37:15] Yeah. I believe it's, I believe it's Bernays. I'm putting, I'm putting everything on Bernays.
Speaker 3:
[37:20] But then what's the one? Because two of them have green things in them.
Speaker 1:
[37:25] Right.
Speaker 3:
[37:25] This Hollandaise is nothing in it.
Speaker 1:
[37:27] No, no green.
Speaker 3:
[37:28] Just, just yellow. Then there's two green ones. One is tarragon and one is, is it coriander or something?
Speaker 1:
[37:35] Bernays is tarragon.
Speaker 3:
[37:36] There is another one.
Speaker 2:
[37:37] Five points for Gamble.
Speaker 1:
[37:38] Thank you. Yeah.
Speaker 3:
[37:38] Well done. No, I've made it up.
Speaker 2:
[37:40] Yeah.
Speaker 1:
[37:41] Like darn of salmon.
Speaker 2:
[37:42] Yeah.
Speaker 3:
[37:44] It's my fantasy meat.
Speaker 2:
[37:45] You're vernacular.
Speaker 3:
[37:47] I've got some knitted salmon.
Speaker 2:
[37:49] We believe in all of it.
Speaker 3:
[37:50] No, Irish people will leave comments saying darn exists.
Speaker 1:
[37:53] Yes.
Speaker 2:
[37:53] Good.
Speaker 3:
[37:53] Yeah.
Speaker 1:
[37:54] So a darn of salmon with Bernays are we going with? Yeah.
Speaker 3:
[37:57] Bernays, the yellow one with the green things in it. And I'm not to go to sides yet, though. That's a, that's a whole different feature.
Speaker 2:
[38:03] Yeah. We'll get to that.
Speaker 1:
[38:05] That's a, please don't, don't tread on the format.
Speaker 3:
[38:08] I respect the format. The format is king.
Speaker 2:
[38:12] When we asked you how you wanted it, you said you didn't care. I had flashbacks to when we, we had Robert De Niro on the pod and he just said, he'll just have whatever's good for every course. Does that surprise you? Having interviewed him?
Speaker 3:
[38:23] No, it does not.
Speaker 1:
[38:26] We loved having him on and it was amazing to be in the presence of Robert De Niro, but he was not invested in the format.
Speaker 3:
[38:31] No. I think what I would say about Robert De Niro is, he's a very benign presence. His silence isn't an indicator of him hating the experience.
Speaker 1:
[38:44] Apart from when Tom Middleton did an impression of him on your show.
Speaker 3:
[38:48] Even that, he kind of went, because Tom Middleton did an impression of him in... It was him and Al Pacino, in whatever movie they did. And I remember after he finished, Robert De Niro went, oh, that's actually one of my favorite scenes. I went, is it still?
Speaker 2:
[39:06] Yes. Cause I think Hiddleston had maybe, it was the same episode, literally just done a very good impression of you.
Speaker 3:
[39:14] Yeah. I mean, I think those clips of Tom Middleton doing impressions, do the rounds. I think it was all from one episode.
Speaker 2:
[39:20] Yeah.
Speaker 3:
[39:21] I think he's only done impressions on the show once.
Speaker 2:
[39:23] Yeah.
Speaker 3:
[39:23] But he did a lot of them. So they have done the rounds.
Speaker 2:
[39:29] I think the one of you is so good that you clearly got a bit of wind in his sails and maybe didn't judge him on where he should go next as well as he could have. Cause he absolutely nailed an impression of yours. Like that, it's good. And then he goes into a deneer, right?
Speaker 3:
[39:46] In front of, I mean, look, it's a positive thing to do.
Speaker 2:
[39:50] It is.
Speaker 3:
[39:51] Yeah.
Speaker 2:
[39:51] Yeah.
Speaker 3:
[39:54] And Robert De Niro wasn't talking. So we needed to hear that voice.
Speaker 2:
[40:00] Yeah. Yeah. Good on him.
Speaker 3:
[40:02] But was he nice on here? He was nice.
Speaker 2:
[40:04] He was very nice. Oh, he's lovely.
Speaker 3:
[40:05] He's a lovely man, isn't he?
Speaker 2:
[40:06] We were delighted that we had De Niro on the pod. And to be honest, I think we were doubly delighted that he just didn't have whatever was good. Your dream side dish.
Speaker 3:
[40:21] Now, see, you talked about soda bread and Kerrygold earlier. I am going full potato. Really, I've ordered this because it comes with mash.
Speaker 1:
[40:31] Great, fantastic. So really, the mash is the main and the sum is the side.
Speaker 3:
[40:35] Often, I will order whatever comes with the mash. Yeah, yeah. I love that. I'll often order a main course based on what's with it, because those are the things. It's delicious. It's very hard to make bad mash. I'm sure you can.
Speaker 1:
[40:52] You really can. Yeah, you really can. What, in a restaurant? Oh, in a restaurant? No, probably not. Home mash is bad stuff.
Speaker 3:
[41:00] Oh, yes. But you can get it if you don't cook your potatoes properly.
Speaker 1:
[41:03] Yeah, or the way you mash it, if you're over mashing it, it can go gluey.
Speaker 3:
[41:08] Oh, yes.
Speaker 1:
[41:09] That's why in restaurants now, they use the big riser, don't they? A lot of the time.
Speaker 3:
[41:12] Yes, they do.
Speaker 1:
[41:13] And that stops it becoming gluey, and then you can just sort of mix in all of the butter.
Speaker 3:
[41:17] I feel my home mash is often a bit gluey.
Speaker 1:
[41:19] Yeah.
Speaker 3:
[41:19] And it's because I got really bored of trying to wash the small, like the mashers, the small mashers. So I've just got one of those. You know, remember you used to have that game where you had to, you know, not make the electric noise. I've got a masher that looks like that.
Speaker 1:
[41:37] So it's just like one squiggle.
Speaker 3:
[41:38] It's just one squiggle.
Speaker 1:
[41:40] You ain't mashing anything with that, really.
Speaker 2:
[41:42] Yeah.
Speaker 3:
[41:42] But washing up is really easy.
Speaker 1:
[41:43] Yeah.
Speaker 3:
[41:45] Swings and roundabouts.
Speaker 2:
[41:46] Yeah. You're laughing when it comes to the washing up.
Speaker 3:
[41:47] Yeah. I really am.
Speaker 1:
[41:49] I don't wash anything up because it's full of bread on the draining board.
Speaker 2:
[41:52] Oh, yeah.
Speaker 3:
[41:53] Of course. You can't wash anything up.
Speaker 1:
[41:55] Yeah.
Speaker 2:
[41:57] When we were talking about your show earlier, here's one of my favorite parts of watching your show, is we get to see massive Hollywood stars sitting on a sofa with one of our friends.
Speaker 1:
[42:04] Yeah.
Speaker 2:
[42:08] My favorite two moments of that.
Speaker 1:
[42:09] I know what you're going to say.
Speaker 2:
[42:10] Joe that he's that to?
Speaker 1:
[42:11] Well, I know Ruffalo and Josh Whittaker.
Speaker 2:
[42:14] Ruffalo calling Josh Whittaker a paedophile.
Speaker 3:
[42:19] How was that broadcast? How was that ever okay? But it was funny.
Speaker 1:
[42:24] Yeah, really funny.
Speaker 2:
[42:25] Absolutely great. We bring it up at least once a year to Josh. Remember when the Hulk called you a paedo? Really good. Just absolutely goes for him two-footed out of nowhere. They don't think you deserve it.
Speaker 3:
[42:37] I feel like that wasn't the only thing. He went for the whole show. It was like a kind of a roast. I wonder, did Ruffalo mistake? Did they think they had an encounter before?
Speaker 1:
[42:51] Maybe. I think it's just something about Josh. It seems like he's weak. I can go after him.
Speaker 2:
[42:57] Yeah. Renner's there as well. Renner's a bit leery. Jeremy Renner's there. I think Ruffalo's is showing off to Renner.
Speaker 3:
[43:04] You're probably right.
Speaker 2:
[43:05] You're probably right. Must be a tough guy.
Speaker 1:
[43:07] Lads.
Speaker 2:
[43:09] And the other one, and we used to watch this quite a lot every night again, we'd watch it, Nish would put this on to watch it with people because it brings him so much joy, is Greg Davis telling his school story while Ryan Gosling laughs uncontrollably for the whole thing.
Speaker 1:
[43:25] And it's June Brown there as well. Is that that one?
Speaker 3:
[43:28] She's been there.
Speaker 1:
[43:29] She's been on with Greg, definitely.
Speaker 3:
[43:31] Has she?
Speaker 1:
[43:31] Yeah, I think so. Or maybe that's just-
Speaker 3:
[43:34] June Brown was on with Lady Gaga, but I do know.
Speaker 1:
[43:37] It's one of the other like real motley crew lineups.
Speaker 3:
[43:39] It was very motley crew. And that one, I think Greg doing that story for Ryan is amazing. And there's another one where Lee Mack tells a story, and John Cleese, who I think it's quite hard to make him laugh. And he really, really, really laughs.
Speaker 2:
[44:00] It's a really funny story. Yeah, it's a very good story.
Speaker 3:
[44:05] It's a very good story. And I do believe it.
Speaker 2:
[44:08] Oh, yeah.
Speaker 3:
[44:09] I think it's true. Yeah.
Speaker 2:
[44:10] Yeah. And if it's not true, then it's like, I like the fact that he's made it through. He's absolutely taken a step.
Speaker 1:
[44:17] Was there any other sort of questions over the thing of getting everyone out at the same time, when the show started? Did anyone say maybe we shouldn't do that?
Speaker 3:
[44:26] I'm sure people resisted it. I'm sure people resisted it, like publicists and things. So I don't quite know how we got around it. We just stuck to our guns, I think.
Speaker 1:
[44:35] I think it's just worked so well straight away.
Speaker 3:
[44:37] Yeah. I mean, you're out there for quite a long time. Like you haven't done the show, but you've done the show.
Speaker 2:
[44:43] No, no.
Speaker 3:
[44:43] I thought you've done the show.
Speaker 2:
[44:44] No, I've not.
Speaker 1:
[44:46] Hey, Graham, I've not done the show.
Speaker 3:
[44:47] No, I know you've not done the show. But you have done the show.
Speaker 1:
[44:50] No, I have not done the show. But this is weird. So I've only met you very briefly once before.
Speaker 3:
[44:54] Oh, here we go.
Speaker 1:
[44:54] So I did a show. This is probably about 10 years ago. I did a show called Almost Royal for BBC America.
Speaker 3:
[45:00] Was that you?
Speaker 1:
[45:00] That was me.
Speaker 3:
[45:01] Oh my God. You have done the show.
Speaker 1:
[45:04] So I have technically done the show, but we did it in the day before anyone else came in.
Speaker 3:
[45:07] Oh my God.
Speaker 1:
[45:09] And then it was spliced into the American broadcast. Yeah.
Speaker 2:
[45:12] You pranked Graham?
Speaker 1:
[45:13] No, no, no. Graham was in on it. Graham was in on it.
Speaker 3:
[45:16] Was there an audience? No, there wasn't an audience.
Speaker 1:
[45:18] It was literally on the day. And I remember it was like a very chaotic day for everyone. So I think everyone was annoyed that we were doing it that day because I think a guest had canceled. So there was like this mad rush of trying to sort things out.
Speaker 3:
[45:30] That's hilarious.
Speaker 1:
[45:31] That was you. Yeah, that was me. That was me and Amy Hoggart.
Speaker 3:
[45:34] So we had people, we also had people pretending to be William and Kate.
Speaker 2:
[45:39] You're now thinking that was Ed.
Speaker 3:
[45:40] No, no. I was thinking, he wouldn't have cast you as William. And then we also did one with Nicholas Galatzin for a movie he did with Anne Hathaway. And the end is on the show. And it's fake, but we did do it in front of an audience. And you could see the audience thinking, oh, but this is indistinguishable from the thing we just watched. It's as if Graham didn't mean any of it. Well, I think we let too much light in on the magic of the audience. Yeah, it's all bullshit.
Speaker 1:
[46:23] Yeah, no, that was a mad experience for us to come in and like pretend like we were on the show. But then it actually went into the American broadcast, the show, because it's BBC America. Oh, cool. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 3:
[46:34] Yeah, I mean, yeah, you are out there for quite a long time. You're out there for like an hour and a half.
Speaker 1:
[46:38] Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 3:
[46:39] But then there's music and often the music is twice. So, you're not chalking for an hour and a half.
Speaker 1:
[46:43] Yeah.
Speaker 3:
[46:43] But for those Americans who are used to coming out and doing their eight-minute segment or an 11-minute segment, they're like, really? I'm still here? And again, you were saying about being briefed. You feel like people are fully briefed and then, sorry, I thought...
Speaker 1:
[46:59] Do I go now?
Speaker 3:
[47:00] No. You stay. Quite a long time.
Speaker 2:
[47:09] Your dream drink, Graham?
Speaker 3:
[47:11] Oh, well, I've been drinking it.
Speaker 1:
[47:13] So, we've had a couple of martinis. Do you have another dream drink that you'd like to have?
Speaker 3:
[47:16] I'll have some white wine.
Speaker 1:
[47:17] Lovely.
Speaker 3:
[47:17] I'll have some... New Zealand Sauvignon Blanc is my white wine of choice.
Speaker 2:
[47:20] Fantastic.
Speaker 3:
[47:21] Yeah.
Speaker 2:
[47:21] How long has that been the case for?
Speaker 3:
[47:23] Quite a long time now. When I got to London first in the 80s, that was when the Australian Chardonnay was king. And then, isn't it weird how we just all decided we didn't like them anymore?
Speaker 1:
[47:36] Yeah.
Speaker 3:
[47:38] And like en masse.
Speaker 1:
[47:40] Yeah.
Speaker 3:
[47:41] It's like... Remember, it was like when gin became really popular.
Speaker 1:
[47:44] Yeah.
Speaker 3:
[47:45] We'd all been drinking vodka and then we were told, no, gin. You're drinking gin now.
Speaker 1:
[47:49] There's a thousand gin distilleries everywhere.
Speaker 3:
[47:52] I like gin now. And it's weird how marketing can change what's going on in your mouth.
Speaker 1:
[47:59] Totally. And it's all marketing as well, isn't it?
Speaker 3:
[48:02] Well, it is weird. You know, I didn't like that or I did like that. Now, you've told me my taste buds were very wrong all along and I shouldn't like it anymore.
Speaker 1:
[48:11] Do you think that will ever happen to New Zealand Sauvignon Blanc?
Speaker 3:
[48:15] I mean, it's been going for a long time. That whole New Zealand Sauvignon Blanc thing. But it could do, you know, fashions change. And it's weird now how things are happening. There's a... Have you come across the jalapeno white wine? No.
Speaker 2:
[48:32] No.
Speaker 3:
[48:32] Oh, apparently, what do I know? It started on TikTok, people putting jalapenos into their white wine. And I had some last night. And it is a very weird experience. Because it's not hot, hot. It doesn't burn. But there's a definite kind of a zing at the end. The aftertaste is very... Yeah, you know something hot's been in there.
Speaker 2:
[49:02] Yeah, because a few days ago, I had a jalapeno martini. And that was nice. And like you say, it wasn't... I thought, is this gonna be a mistake? It's gonna be really hot and spicy. But it's actually just like, just a nice, different flavor to have in a martini. It was quite good.
Speaker 3:
[49:18] Did it have a little kind of a little buzz at the end?
Speaker 2:
[49:20] Yeah, there was a little something.
Speaker 3:
[49:22] Yeah.
Speaker 2:
[49:22] I imagine that could work in a white wine. I'm not against that.
Speaker 3:
[49:26] I, for me, personally, I don't, I'm not drinking white wine thinking, if only this tasted of jalapeños. I don't quite get it. But I had it last night with my husband and he loved it. He thought it was really nice.
Speaker 1:
[49:43] Oh, there you go. That means there's going to be jalapeños in the house all the time.
Speaker 2:
[49:49] He's regularly in jalapeños thinking, if only this tasted like white wine. So, it works for him.
Speaker 1:
[49:54] That's why you're the perfect match.
Speaker 2:
[49:57] So, this New Zealand white wine is your dream drink. You've already got the martinis coming throughout the meal.
Speaker 3:
[50:02] Yeah, I'll only do two.
Speaker 1:
[50:04] Two martinis, I think is enough, right? We've had some bad nights on martinis where we've gone over the two.
Speaker 3:
[50:09] Well, you get giddy, don't you? You think, I can drink these. Turns out you can't.
Speaker 1:
[50:13] Yeah, they're clear. They must be all right.
Speaker 3:
[50:15] And also because you feel okay after two. You kind of think, wow, yeah, it's okay. Yeah, I could cut wood at a sawmill. I'm fine. But, yeah, after three, you're losing a hand.
Speaker 1:
[50:28] It's when you, if you have two or three, and then you've not gone to the toilet in wherever you are yet, and then you stand up and your legs go and you're like, oh, I should have thought about this. This has gone badly wrong.
Speaker 3:
[50:38] Yeah, I may be leaving my bike here.
Speaker 1:
[50:40] Yeah.
Speaker 2:
[50:41] We've talked about trying to get into dukes quite a lot on this podcast to have them martinis.
Speaker 1:
[50:46] Oh, yes.
Speaker 2:
[50:46] They only let you have one and all this.
Speaker 3:
[50:49] Do they only let you have one?
Speaker 1:
[50:50] Two, I think it's two. Yes, I think I've had two in there.
Speaker 2:
[50:53] Well, see, we've never been.
Speaker 1:
[50:54] Yeah.
Speaker 2:
[50:55] How come? Well, we aspire to, but it's never really worked out. We've had a few guests say, oh, I'll go with you. No, obviously they never. I'm not sure you would have.
Speaker 1:
[51:02] We've been let down by a couple of previous guests.
Speaker 2:
[51:04] They never actually followed through and do it.
Speaker 3:
[51:05] Can I just say, this is me now committing to never going to dukes again, I'd leave it that way.
Speaker 2:
[51:12] Yeah.
Speaker 3:
[51:15] I feel like the dream of what's going on in there, really it's a bit like just a provincial hotel. It's just some overstuffed sofas and some tourists.
Speaker 1:
[51:25] But it's a good martini.
Speaker 3:
[51:26] It's a perfectly nice martini. But I feel like they're riding high on when you couldn't get a good martini.
Speaker 1:
[51:34] Right. Okay.
Speaker 3:
[51:35] I think now you get a good martini in most places.
Speaker 1:
[51:37] Well, shout out to the Connacht, which is my favourite martini.
Speaker 3:
[51:40] Well, now you've just pulled on your pants and shat all over. Poor old Dukes. We're over here with some brocade curtains.
Speaker 2:
[51:49] We did a live show recently and there were two gentlemen in the audience wearing suits and Ed completely went for them. It was like YouTube suit motherfuckers. Why are you wearing suits?
Speaker 1:
[51:58] James went for them.
Speaker 2:
[51:59] I didn't go for them. You started on them.
Speaker 1:
[52:01] Well, the problem is one of them said that they don't normally wear suits. They tried to go to Dukes for a martini. So they're like, we don't normally wear suits. And one of the guys went, I'm a creative. And then James found out he worked for Apple. And then that was the whole show absolutely over.
Speaker 3:
[52:17] We're still food-based.
Speaker 2:
[52:19] Yeah, yeah, yeah. We should have, that would have been a nice third direction to lead into it.
Speaker 1:
[52:22] What do you mean we should have? I didn't, I stood back and watched you absolutely decimate a whole man's life. And also bless them.
Speaker 3:
[52:27] They were obviously proper fans.
Speaker 2:
[52:29] Yeah, yeah. He's making it out like I said. Second row of the Albert Hall.
Speaker 1:
[52:33] You said if he, if he was as a kid, met himself now and found out what he did, he would spit on him, is what you said.
Speaker 2:
[52:40] Yeah.
Speaker 3:
[52:41] That's nice. I'm sure he found that funny.
Speaker 2:
[52:48] His mate loved it.
Speaker 3:
[52:50] You met him telling friends after, and then James said this thing to me.
Speaker 2:
[52:53] James said.
Speaker 3:
[52:53] It's so funny.
Speaker 1:
[52:54] And I was wearing a suit, and we didn't get into the place we wanted to go to.
Speaker 2:
[52:57] James says that he believes that when I was a child, I was creative and good drawings. But if that younger self met me now, he'd spit on me. He told me I wasn't a creative.
Speaker 1:
[53:05] Funny comedy show, Graham.
Speaker 2:
[53:06] Yeah, very funny.
Speaker 3:
[53:07] Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2:
[53:08] And we didn't get into jokes. Your dream dessert.
Speaker 3:
[53:16] See, yeah, we could never hang out because you're just eating poppadoms and dessert.
Speaker 2:
[53:21] Yeah.
Speaker 3:
[53:21] Like why? I'm not that fun. I mean, if I'm on a plane, I'll have dessert.
Speaker 2:
[53:27] Interesting.
Speaker 3:
[53:28] Well, just because I paid for it and it might crash.
Speaker 1:
[53:34] So when you're on a plane, you constantly in mind serve.
Speaker 3:
[53:36] I'm having it all.
Speaker 1:
[53:38] But you're always thinking we might crash.
Speaker 3:
[53:40] Yes. I mean, well, you know, you're kind of think, well, I'll regret, you know, if I'm plummeting from the sky, I'll regret not having the tiramisu.
Speaker 1:
[53:47] Yeah. If you started plummeting, as before you eat...
Speaker 3:
[53:52] I would lunge for the dessert trolley.
Speaker 1:
[53:54] But if it was in front of you, would you eat the tiramisu as you were plummeting?
Speaker 3:
[53:57] I mean, I'd try. Yeah. I mean, you would, wouldn't you? It's better to die with a mouthful of tiramisu than not.
Speaker 1:
[54:06] The old phrase.
Speaker 3:
[54:07] Yeah.
Speaker 2:
[54:07] I think you'll be fine.
Speaker 3:
[54:08] Put that in a tea towel.
Speaker 2:
[54:10] There'll be people doing much worse things.
Speaker 1:
[54:12] Yeah.
Speaker 3:
[54:12] Oh, yeah.
Speaker 2:
[54:13] You won't be eating the tiramisu, but...
Speaker 3:
[54:15] And also, I'll probably finish my tiramisu by the time we craft.
Speaker 2:
[54:17] Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, exactly.
Speaker 3:
[54:21] Actually, I probably would go tiramisu if I'm doing dessert.
Speaker 2:
[54:23] But from a plane? The plane tiramisu?
Speaker 3:
[54:26] I prefer not to plummet through the skies and die in a fiery ball.
Speaker 1:
[54:30] Yeah. Well, people around you are whacking it.
Speaker 2:
[54:33] What? Whoa, Ed! Ed! No need to go there. What the hell?
Speaker 1:
[54:41] Yeah, apologies. We've got a national treasure on the podcast.
Speaker 3:
[54:44] And also, I think it's very hard to focus your mind.
Speaker 1:
[54:46] You're about to plummet into your death.
Speaker 2:
[54:48] Yeah. You'd have to be turned on by death. Yeah.
Speaker 1:
[54:53] Yeah.
Speaker 2:
[54:53] Yeah.
Speaker 3:
[54:54] And also, what a way to discover that's your cake. Yeah.
Speaker 2:
[54:57] Yeah. Oh, I found it. Finally.
Speaker 3:
[55:00] I found my thing.
Speaker 2:
[55:01] My life makes sense. Okay. So, we're going to Tim and Massoud. I'm a bit disappointed that it's not from an airplane. So, I would look quite like it if you had like an airplane kind of.
Speaker 3:
[55:11] Oh, I see. So, it could be just a catering company could deliver it to them.
Speaker 1:
[55:15] Yeah.
Speaker 2:
[55:15] You have to be die at the end, but I could give you an airplane.
Speaker 3:
[55:17] Oh, I'll have an airplane. Honestly, if the whole meal came from airplane, I'd be happy.
Speaker 2:
[55:24] Yeah.
Speaker 3:
[55:25] I love airplane food.
Speaker 1:
[55:26] What cabin are we talking?
Speaker 3:
[55:28] And now, I do throw money at the problem. Yes. But you get the little cutlery wherever you are. And that's the pleasure. It's the tiny little, I mean, I don't know, like, if you got a flight nice, but if you fly nice, I would think there's a napkin, and in there, there seems to be an inordinate amount of knives and forks. I mean, so many of them. And like, I'm pretty sure I just ordered one. I don't know why all this cutlery is in here.
Speaker 1:
[55:58] Everywhere, it goes everywhere.
Speaker 3:
[55:59] It's just, I feel like whoever wraps those things has never eaten.
Speaker 1:
[56:04] Yeah.
Speaker 3:
[56:04] They don't know what cutlery is.
Speaker 1:
[56:06] How many hands the humans have?
Speaker 3:
[56:08] Yeah. What are they for? I don't know. Here's some. Have some.
Speaker 1:
[56:12] I love the, I think about all the time, the, if you fly on Virgin, the salt and pepper pots that are like little planes.
Speaker 3:
[56:18] Yeah, they're adorable.
Speaker 1:
[56:19] I love those.
Speaker 2:
[56:20] Really?
Speaker 3:
[56:20] Yeah.
Speaker 2:
[56:20] I've never seen these.
Speaker 1:
[56:21] Have you not?
Speaker 2:
[56:22] No.
Speaker 1:
[56:22] Have you flown on Virgin before?
Speaker 2:
[56:23] I think so.
Speaker 1:
[56:24] Yeah. I thought on pepper pots.
Speaker 3:
[56:25] Do they still do them?
Speaker 1:
[56:26] Because I know where that, Oh, maybe I'm thinking in the past.
Speaker 3:
[56:27] Because everyone stole them, I think.
Speaker 1:
[56:29] Yeah. But no, I think they were, they're made of plastic. I think you can still.
Speaker 3:
[56:31] Oh, because before they used to be nice. They used to be like metal. And everyone stole those. They just wiped the whole car line off them.
Speaker 2:
[56:37] So people who have got those are pretty pleased themselves.
Speaker 1:
[56:39] Yeah, I think so.
Speaker 3:
[56:40] Yeah. Oh, yeah. They're putting them out on the dining room table.
Speaker 2:
[56:44] Yeah.
Speaker 3:
[56:45] Yes, I have flown up a path.
Speaker 1:
[56:49] My friend stole an EasyJet jacket once.
Speaker 2:
[56:52] How?
Speaker 1:
[56:53] We were flying back from somewhere. And in the overhead bin, there was obviously like a jacket that a crew member had to wear.
Speaker 3:
[57:01] That is proper kleptom.
Speaker 1:
[57:02] Yeah, and literally just took the jacket and then wore it to the pub the next night. It was pretty cool, actually.
Speaker 3:
[57:07] Was it?
Speaker 1:
[57:09] We were like 16 or something. It was pretty cool to wear an EasyJet jacket to the Wetherspoons.
Speaker 3:
[57:15] I remember doing another corporate, some travel awards, something, and they were talking about, and EasyJet donate their old uniforms to Africa, which seems like a mat, because they're nylon. I mean, you think it's cruel to make me walk around in orange nylon.
Speaker 1:
[57:38] But I've got to go to that village.
Speaker 3:
[57:42] I think you'll know when you're there. Is this it? Yes, it is. This is it.
Speaker 2:
[57:48] I'd love to get lost in that village and ask someone for directions. They tell me where the exits are. Yes, please. What's the best thing you've ever stolen, Graham?
Speaker 3:
[57:57] Oh, good question. I mean, when I was a kid, I remember shoplifting a kind of, I don't know what it was, if it was a glove puppet or something. It was made of kind of fun fur and googly eyes. I was delighted with myself. But I had to then reveal it at some point at home. My story of I found it did not fly very long. So I was frog marched back to the shop and had to give it back.
Speaker 2:
[58:30] That sounds embarrassing.
Speaker 1:
[58:32] Our friend's daughter recently like little kids asked for a badge in a shop. And he said, No, you can't have the badge. I'm not buying you the badge. And then the next day she's walking around wearing the badge. And he went, Where did you get that badge from? She said, Oh, my friend gave it to me. He said, What friend did she want? I don't remember.
Speaker 3:
[58:52] I think we've got to say, You bought it for me. You're losing your mind.
Speaker 1:
[58:57] But I love the not thinking two steps ahead and going, My friend and then going, I don't remember what friend it was. I don't know their name.
Speaker 2:
[59:04] So good.
Speaker 3:
[59:06] Did she get to keep it?
Speaker 1:
[59:08] No, he took it back to the shop, I think. You can't then let the kid keep it, I don't think. You've got to show them that stealing is wrong and it goes back to the shop, right?
Speaker 3:
[59:16] You're so old fashioned.
Speaker 2:
[59:20] Get with the program. My dad was really, I never would have stolen anything, but he said to me once when I was going to go and buy Christmas presents for the first time, make sure you buy, people don't buy anything for yourself, it's Christmas. So I went out, I was buying stuff for people, I'm about seven. I saw there was a No Oasis single out, who were an Oasis tribute.
Speaker 1:
[59:45] No Oasis, yeah.
Speaker 2:
[59:46] No Oasis, I really wanted it. So I bought it for myself. I had to snuck it in, made sure you couldn't see it. And then this sneaky fucker looked at the receipt, which was like in one of the banks.
Speaker 1:
[60:00] He knew what you were gonna do.
Speaker 2:
[60:01] He calls me in, what's this? I was like, huh? I think he got me first with the whole, yeah, you didn't buy anything for yourself, did you?
Speaker 3:
[60:09] Oh, you walked right into it.
Speaker 2:
[60:11] Yeah, I didn't buy anything for myself, what are you doing, that's goodness. What's this then? And then apparently, I don't remember this, but my reaction was I just went, oh, what have I done? Like really, the remorse come in front of him. Oh, what have I done?
Speaker 1:
[60:27] Oh, what have I done?
Speaker 2:
[60:28] And I told him, I told him I would give anything to take it back.
Speaker 1:
[60:33] Oh, so dramatic.
Speaker 2:
[60:36] And so he went, all right, well, if you want, you just give it to me and you don't have it anymore. I handed it over. Yeah.
Speaker 3:
[60:41] Oh, did he bring it back to the shop or anything?
Speaker 2:
[60:44] No, it was, it's my birthday in January. I unwrapped it. It was like, there you go. I was like, hmm, doesn't feel great. Doesn't feel like a treat.
Speaker 3:
[60:55] Yeah, what do you mean? Because you bought it.
Speaker 2:
[60:57] Yeah, I bought it. Yeah, I've paid for this, man. Yeah. You stuck me from listening to it for a month.
Speaker 1:
[61:02] That's all.
Speaker 2:
[61:04] Kind of over Noasis now.
Speaker 1:
[61:07] Yeah, they were a bit of a flash in the pan, Noasis.
Speaker 3:
[61:09] I'm amazed they actually did a single.
Speaker 2:
[61:11] Yeah. I'm amazed they didn't try and capitalize on the reunion.
Speaker 3:
[61:16] Oh yeah.
Speaker 1:
[61:16] You'd think Noasis would go.
Speaker 3:
[61:18] Still Noasis.
Speaker 2:
[61:19] Yeah, we've got to do it. I'm going to read your menu back to you now. See how you feel about it.
Speaker 1:
[61:23] Okay. Graham looks really worried about this part.
Speaker 2:
[61:25] Yeah.
Speaker 3:
[61:26] No, I'm looking forward to it.
Speaker 1:
[61:27] Yeah.
Speaker 2:
[61:28] You want sparkling water and you like a dirty wet martini at the same time. Popped on some bread, another dirty wet martini. Starter, avocado lettuce cups from ABCB in New York. Main course, a pan fried dine of salmon with bernay sauce. Side dish, mashed potato. Drink New Zealand Sauvignon Blanc and dessert, a tiramisu.
Speaker 1:
[61:49] Delicious. Yeah.
Speaker 2:
[61:50] That does sound very nice. That is delicious.
Speaker 1:
[61:52] And feels classic as well.
Speaker 3:
[61:54] It's not try hard.
Speaker 1:
[61:55] No, no, not at all. And it feels like you'd eat it in like a classic looking New York restaurant, apart from the dessert, which you'd eat on a plane.
Speaker 3:
[62:02] Yeah, obviously. No, I'll eat it in the restaurant. It can be on one of the little trays, though.
Speaker 1:
[62:07] Yes.
Speaker 3:
[62:08] And if the waiter could go out back and change into a uniform, I'd be delighted.
Speaker 1:
[62:12] Yeah, absolutely. An easy-jolt uniform?
Speaker 3:
[62:15] No.
Speaker 1:
[62:15] No, good. Because he'd be taking that away from an African family.
Speaker 2:
[62:18] Yeah. I want to try the lettuce cups the most.
Speaker 1:
[62:22] Yes, they sound delicious.
Speaker 2:
[62:24] Because I can't really imagine what they would be. Yeah, like you were saying, like there's so much better than they even sound, so I want to...
Speaker 3:
[62:29] And I've kind of cracked them. I can kind of make them now.
Speaker 1:
[62:32] So what do you put in them to make them?
Speaker 3:
[62:34] It's toasted cumin seeds.
Speaker 2:
[62:36] Oh, nice.
Speaker 3:
[62:37] Is the bit that is... Because you know when you're eating something, you're like, what is that lovely taste? What is that lovely taste? And I finally figured out that's what it is. Yeah. It's been years of eating them.
Speaker 1:
[62:46] I love that you've left that until the end as a little reveal, just right at the end. You didn't give us the secret when you were talking about it.
Speaker 3:
[62:53] You didn't ask.
Speaker 2:
[62:54] If people listen to it in a podcast, there's always a secret, I guess, revealed.
Speaker 1:
[62:59] We didn't ask, James. This is the thing. It's good to pick up little tips from Graham. We forgot to ask.
Speaker 2:
[63:03] We should ask the questions we want the answers to.
Speaker 1:
[63:05] What makes it so delicious? Yeah.
Speaker 2:
[63:06] If we want to find out something.
Speaker 1:
[63:08] Yeah. Because we never learn that if we want an answer to something, we forget to ask it.
Speaker 2:
[63:13] And the two of us.
Speaker 1:
[63:14] Yeah.
Speaker 3:
[63:16] Well, I have to say, I think it's good doing this with two people.
Speaker 1:
[63:21] Yes.
Speaker 3:
[63:21] Because then it's never your fault.
Speaker 2:
[63:25] Yeah. It's always Benito's fault. It's always Benito's fault.
Speaker 3:
[63:28] Yeah.
Speaker 1:
[63:28] It's no one's fault.
Speaker 2:
[63:29] Consistently.
Speaker 1:
[63:29] Well, this has been no one's fault. Graham, thank you so much.
Speaker 3:
[63:33] Hopefully, no one can apologize. No one's to blame.
Speaker 1:
[63:37] Next episode, by the way, we're going to start just getting all the guests in at the same time, so we're going to have three or four people on the sofa together.
Speaker 3:
[63:44] Good luck in this room.
Speaker 2:
[63:46] Massive whining.
Speaker 3:
[63:46] You may have to knock through.
Speaker 2:
[63:48] Yeah.
Speaker 1:
[63:49] Thank you so much for coming to the Dream Restaurant, Graham.
Speaker 3:
[63:51] It was a pleasure. Thank you very much.
Speaker 2:
[63:52] Thank you, Graham.
Speaker 1:
[63:58] Well, there we are, James. Graham Norton. What a joy it was to have him on the show.
Speaker 2:
[64:02] Such a pleasure to have Graham Norton on the show. There are some moments, I mean, we love all our guests. Yes. But there are some moments where you go, wow, what another name to add to the old CV.
Speaker 1:
[64:15] You nearly said notch on the bedpost, though, didn't you?
Speaker 2:
[64:18] Graham Norton is not a notch on the bedpost.
Speaker 1:
[64:21] A notch on the mic stand.
Speaker 2:
[64:23] Let me be clear.
Speaker 1:
[64:24] A notch on the mic stand.
Speaker 2:
[64:25] I didn't put a little notch.
Speaker 1:
[64:26] But that's good night, that's a good phrase for us.
Speaker 2:
[64:29] Notch on the bedpost, is that because when they've slept with someone, they put a notch on the bedpost, or is it because the bed is hitting the wall?
Speaker 1:
[64:38] I don't think it's that. Because that would suggest it hits the wall once.
Speaker 2:
[64:43] No, a few times, so eventually make a notch.
Speaker 1:
[64:46] Depends how, personally, I like to go one big, enough to make a notch, done.
Speaker 2:
[64:55] You fuss so hard that the bed hits that it makes a notch and they orgasm all at once.
Speaker 1:
[64:59] No, I do.
Speaker 2:
[65:00] You do.
Speaker 1:
[65:01] Come on.
Speaker 2:
[65:04] You can only control.
Speaker 1:
[65:05] It's over when I'm over.
Speaker 2:
[65:07] Yeah, yeah. Yeah. There's only so much as in your control, I guess. You can't be held to account.
Speaker 1:
[65:13] No, and don't help me to account on that.
Speaker 2:
[65:16] No.
Speaker 1:
[65:17] Graham did not say Golden Grahams.
Speaker 2:
[65:19] Surprise, surprise.
Speaker 1:
[65:20] Yeah. No, that's not him.
Speaker 2:
[65:22] Oh, sorry. We should get her on the pod. No longer with us.
Speaker 1:
[65:30] The Neighbourhood starts Friday, 24th of April, 9pm on ITV1 and ITVX. And the series debuts with a three-episode launch on Friday, Saturday and Sunday. So make sure you watch that and listen to Wanging On. Listen to Wanging On.
Speaker 2:
[65:44] Fantastic podcast.
Speaker 1:
[65:45] It's a delight to have Graham in the studio and I'm going on tour. I've got a new show called Fresh Hell touring from the end of January next year. Tickets on sale now at edgamble.co.uk.
Speaker 2:
[65:55] I'm currently on tour with my show, James Acaster. And there are some shows that have tickets available. So please, jamesacaster.co.uk or.com. I don't know my own website. Well, I'm not going on it. And why would I do that? But jamesacaster.com is actually where you should go for tickets.
Speaker 1:
[66:14] He got the.com. He bagged the.com, guys.
Speaker 2:
[66:17] Yeah, I'm pretty pleased with that actually.
Speaker 1:
[66:19] Well, James, thank you for being my friend for another week.
Speaker 2:
[66:23] Thank you for being my friend, Ed. Who knows when we started? But you got a new friendship now with Benito.
Speaker 1:
[66:29] Benito is starting now.
Speaker 2:
[66:30] So that's good, starting now.
Speaker 1:
[66:31] It's been about six minutes so far.
Speaker 2:
[66:32] Yeah, it's going pretty well so far, I think, for the two of you.
Speaker 1:
[66:36] See you later, guys.
Speaker 2:
[66:37] See you later, guys.