transcript
Speaker 1:
[00:22] Well, hello, and welcome to Watch What Crappens, a podcast about all that crap on Bravo that we just love to talk about. I'm Ben Mandelker, and joining me today, back in Texas, is Ronnie Karam. Hi Ronnie, how's it going?
Speaker 2:
[00:36] Hello, hello.
Speaker 1:
[00:40] Look at you, look at all these, all these places you've been to, LA, San Diego, Texas, just a traveling man, a man about the culture.
Speaker 3:
[00:48] All around the world.
Speaker 4:
[00:51] Yeah, I'm back.
Speaker 1:
[00:51] Ay, ay, ay, ay.
Speaker 4:
[00:52] I'm back with my little Bueller, snoring already. He's been back home five minutes, and he's already on the ground snoring. So, you know, everything is as it should be.
Speaker 1:
[01:02] Perfect. Today, we are talking about Below Deck Down Under. Please join us on Patreon at patreon.com/watch what crap ins, bonus episodes, newsletter, ad free, all the good stuff. Also, I want to give a shout out to a podcast that I guess it on. It's going to be dropping, I think tomorrow. So probably by the time you hear it, it might be tomorrow. The podcast that I joined is called, not joined, but that I guess it on is called Fixing Famous People. It's hosted by Chris DeRosa as, as well as, where can I find what, what's his face is less? You're killing it.
Speaker 5:
[01:47] You're doing great, Colley.
Speaker 1:
[01:49] Dominic. I'm just couldn't, I don't know Dominic's last name though. Just occurred to me. I'm doing a great job promoting this podcast.
Speaker 4:
[01:56] People don't know our last names.
Speaker 5:
[01:58] Just say their first names.
Speaker 1:
[01:59] Okay. Either way.
Speaker 4:
[02:02] Dominic.
Speaker 1:
[02:04] Yeah. No, Dominic is great. He used to be a producer on several of these shows. And Chris is also producer on several of these shows. So they have really know their stuff.
Speaker 4:
[02:14] Chris Doloresa knows his shit. That's for sure. I know that much.
Speaker 1:
[02:18] Yeah, that's true.
Speaker 4:
[02:20] Dominic? Not sure about Dominic. I'm just kidding. I just haven't met Dominic.
Speaker 1:
[02:24] We're just gonna, for Dominic, just gonna get dumped on for whatever reason.
Speaker 2:
[02:28] I just wanted to stick with dumping on Dominic.
Speaker 1:
[02:32] You know what? Because you know what? The problem is I made a last minute decision to mention this podcast right now, and I was not mentally ready to mention the names I needed to mention. But Chris and Dominic, but honestly, it was a great podcast, and we talked about Misha Barton. We did a deep dive on Misha Barton and how we can fix her. And then I subsequently told the stories of the early aughts and my brief intersection of me and the cast of EOC. So if you want to hear stories of my youth and how my experiences, my one and only story meeting Misha Barton and sitting in a booth with her at a diner and what that was like, definitely go listen to their podcast.
Speaker 4:
[03:18] I remember that story.
Speaker 1:
[03:21] Yes. Yes.
Speaker 4:
[03:23] Well, that's fun, babe. Right on.
Speaker 1:
[03:25] Yeah. Go check them out. Okay. Today, Below Deck Down Under, more squabbles with the kids, aka Mike and Alicia, more intrigue with Eddy and what's her, Janna. See, I can't remember Janna's name either. It's not just you, Dominic. And then, but most importantly, Joao trying so hard not to be a fuck boy, but he's a fuck boy. And one big cheesecake in the end. One big beautiful lemon cheesecake.
Speaker 4:
[03:56] Yeah, I did something to our screen. I can't really tell what I did. Am I looking at all the windows? I don't know. I'm looking at like all windows at one time. Hold on. This recap's gonna be crazy. Okay, close this view. I don't know what I did, but I had like five screens in my face. It's already started off. I know, but I'm just warning, it's gonna be Looney Tunes because we're doing this a little later today. And once the sun goes down, it gets nuts in here. So watch out, because the sun is in fact going down. All right, here we go, Below Deck Down Under S04E12, Dates and Confused. So Daisy is in the galley screaming at Ben because he's like, come on, Daisy. And she's got a, she's carrying one dish, she gets all the way to the top of stairs.
Speaker 5:
[04:42] And he's like, come on, Daisy, where are you going?
Speaker 6:
[04:44] I said, go to hell with the god damn it, Ben. I'm just one person.
Speaker 5:
[04:47] Everyone's talking about, fuck me, I can't be in a hundred places at one time.
Speaker 6:
[04:51] What do you want, Ben?
Speaker 4:
[04:52] And he's like, listen, we want the frittata taken up, please.
Speaker 1:
[04:59] It's not a phrase you hear a lot. We want the frittata. Frittata is commonly, I think, known as the saddest of the egg dishes. I don't know if it's commonly known. I think it is.
Speaker 4:
[05:08] It's neurotic. I'll tell you what, the frittata has anxiety. Doesn't it sound like it? Like the frittata is like, I'm from the frittata. It's like crazy, you know? Like, can't you just be an alma? Just chill. It's like, no, I'm a frittata. Do you whip it more?
Speaker 1:
[05:24] Yeah, it's the Jan Brady of eggs. It's caught between a quiche and an omelet. It doesn't really know what it is. And it has like all the pressure of being this wonderful brunch thing. And everything gets thrown into it. And it's like, okay, frittata, work your magic. And it's like, I don't know what to do. I don't know what to do. I'm a frittata. And yes, frittata can be delicious. And yes, I just made one literally last week. And it was actually fantastic. And it's not that frittatas are bad. There's just something about a frittata that I don't know. It's just, it feels sad.
Speaker 4:
[05:51] It's try hard.
Speaker 1:
[05:53] In a world where we have quiche, it just feels like if you're going to a frittata, it just feels like, it just feels sad.
Speaker 4:
[05:59] I feel like it's trying too hard.
Speaker 1:
[06:01] Of quiche.
Speaker 4:
[06:02] Well, it couldn't get to quiche, but it's trying too hard. Like it won't just be an omelet. It's like, no, I'm not just an omelet. I'm a frittata. And they're like, okay. So you're going to be a quiche. And it's like, mm, you know, I don't.
Speaker 1:
[06:13] Not as luxurious.
Speaker 5:
[06:14] That's harder.
Speaker 4:
[06:15] That's harder. Can we baby step our way to greatness? I'll just start, you know, I'll go the midway. I'll go, I'll be like a more fluffy omelet.
Speaker 5:
[06:23] Cause that's what it is, right?
Speaker 4:
[06:24] Isn't it a frittata, something that you just whisk more until it's fluffier and then.
Speaker 1:
[06:29] Well, it's, it's kind of, it's usually something that you like bake. It's usually several eggs and you throw a whole bunch of things in it. So like one big thing for multiple people and you sort of, you throw a bunch of stuff into it and you can do it on your stovetop and cover it or you can put it into the oven. And the thing is that like it has, it seems like it should be easy and it generally is easy, but sometimes you can get a really sad frittata where you put all this stuff into it and then it winds up being like half an inch tall. And that's when it's really sad. It's just like this little kind of like, yeah, I've had a lot of sad frittatas. When they're like big, when they're big, that they're actually quite, that's like the best, but you have to put in so many eggs. And I don't know, there's like an intentionality behind a quiche and an omelet, it's like, ooh, let me put this in. Let me have, let me have a Southwestern Denver omelet. Hi, I'd like an omelet named after a city, please. Thank you. But like, no, there's no Denver frittata. If there is, it's just trying to be a Denver omelet. The frittata is like, oh, I've got some shit in my fridge. Let me chop up and just throw it in that frittata. Like the frittata just like receives the garbage and it has the burden of trying to make that garbage amazing. And that's a lot to put on one egg dish.
Speaker 4:
[07:41] Frittata was once named Fritta, but they just, it was just so hyper all the time. It was like, what's your name?
Speaker 6:
[07:47] Frittata.
Speaker 4:
[07:48] Okay, well, it says Fritta here.
Speaker 6:
[07:49] Yes, that's my name, Frittata.
Speaker 4:
[07:51] Okay, so you just have to-
Speaker 1:
[07:52] She was Fritta in high school. Fritta in high school. And then you didn't see her until-
Speaker 4:
[07:56] No one took her seriously.
Speaker 1:
[07:58] You met her, you like ran into her in, like when you were 27 and she'd been like studied abroad. And then you were like, oh my God, this is my high school friend Fritta. It's Frittata.
Speaker 4:
[08:08] I had it at the top.
Speaker 1:
[08:09] I thought her name was Fritta. No, it's Frittata, I've been in Europe.
Speaker 4:
[08:12] Yeah, I'm gonna, you know, sometimes we've been doing this so long that sometimes we'll predict things that happen in the future, you know? And then in the future, when it becomes the future, people are like, oh my God, they predicted this. I'm gonna predict that somebody is going to eventually be named Frittata on this show.
Speaker 1:
[08:28] Frittata Pierce?
Speaker 4:
[08:30] Somebody, yeah. Somebody from like South Africa is gonna come on and they're gonna be named Frittata and I'm gonna win. I don't know what I'm gonna win, but somebody better send me something good. So Daisy's freaking out and screaming, and Ben's like, oh, she'd be great at this job, wouldn't she, Ellie? She'd handle the stress really well.
Speaker 1:
[08:52] I feel like, I just spilled coffee all over my face. Sorry, everyone. That was a little bonus for Crappens On Demand. I feel like I don't want to hear about Ben's coffee spillage. I feel like I work pretty hard, and if service is slow, there's a reason. And in this case, Ben is in the wrong, as in he doesn't know how to drink his own coffee. How about you give me your pot washer for a minute and to run plates?
Speaker 4:
[09:18] So we're still working on this cake, okay? Now I know that, you know, how this is shot and everything, it's the same day that they're working on this cake, but it's been a week and I'm still watching them cook this cake. And it's like days, and people actually got mad at me this week because I wasn't mad that Ellie made a cake, because I felt like she got up early.
Speaker 1:
[09:36] What? I know, but it's like get up early.
Speaker 4:
[09:40] I know, I know, but I'm just saying, like, yeah, I get it. But you know, so people were mad at me for that. I'm still not mad about it, but I will say, I'm getting mad about it, because now it's been a week of my life where people have been getting mad at me about my opinion over a fucking cheesecake, because that's what it's like recapping Below Deck. And then it's still going on. And then it not only goes on today, it just keeps going. It's like days, this cheesecake goes for days, okay? It's not worth it. It's not fucking worth it, okay? We all like a cheesecake. You know why? Because it's fucking easy. It's easy. You get some cream cheese, you get some ricotta, you go whatever the fuck else, an egg or whatever, sugar, mix it all together, done. You put it in the fridge. Why is it taking you three days, girl? This cheesecake took longer to make than your entire relationship which a while lasted.
Speaker 1:
[10:29] I know, the recipe is literally on the back of the Philadelphia brick. It can fit on the brick. If it fits on the brick, you must acquit yourself of this task.
Speaker 4:
[10:44] You're Cochrane-ing, I like it. Stop.
Speaker 1:
[10:46] That being said, I'd like to go by his office.
Speaker 4:
[10:48] Listen to Philadelphia Cochrane, okay?
Speaker 1:
[10:51] I did just drive by the Johnny Cochrane offices. Yeah, at Highland and Wilshire. Well, I don't think they're there anymore.
Speaker 4:
[11:01] You're the one calling it the Johnny Cochrane offices.
Speaker 1:
[11:04] Well, because his offices used to be there for the longest, for many years, that was like the Johnny Cochrane offices.
Speaker 4:
[11:08] God, the Bed Bath and Beyond is like, can I get my own identity now? Like, how long is it going to take?
Speaker 1:
[11:13] Well, it's like the Larry Flint building. It's the Johnny Cochrane offices.
Speaker 4:
[11:18] Well, the Larry Flint building, you can't forget because you fly over and it's in the shape of a vagina. So you see it from the sky. Like, you can't rebrand that, you know what I mean? Like, Philadelphia cream cheese is not going to move into the Hustler building. Like, it's a whole lot.
Speaker 1:
[11:31] No, you never know.
Speaker 4:
[11:33] I guess you never do.
Speaker 1:
[11:33] I would love that, actually. I would love it if we had a Philadelphia cream cheese building in the city because I would just sit there every single day and just stare at it. Be like, let me in. The point is-
Speaker 4:
[11:42] But it's like the most unoriginal shape because every building is already shaped like a brick of Philadelphia cream cheese.
Speaker 1:
[11:47] They just claim it all. All the buildings have their own. That's ours. Oh, another one.
Speaker 4:
[11:51] Rectangle, it's another rectangle.
Speaker 1:
[11:54] Nailed it. Yes. Land O'Lakes is like, I would like a word.
Speaker 4:
[11:57] Take that, Johnny Cocker and Cream Cheese.
Speaker 1:
[12:01] I believe some of these are buttersticks. But I will say, I 100 percent agree with you, this cheesecake felt like it took a month to make. It took longer than the Top Chef Hog challenge. But that being said, I mean, the final product looked delicious. I mean, it looks absolutely wonderful.
Speaker 4:
[12:19] So we'll get there when we get there. Hold your horses. Okay, no one knows how the cheesecake is going to turn out yet, Ben.
Speaker 1:
[12:25] Okay?
Speaker 4:
[12:30] So, Ben's like, we're doing a great job down here.
Speaker 3:
[12:35] Coca-Cola, Coca-Cola chest.
Speaker 6:
[12:38] And she's like, wait a minute, I didn't understand.
Speaker 4:
[12:40] He's like, oh, God, let me put another beam in the honey, the honey babe sweetie jar, the honey don't jar.
Speaker 1:
[12:48] All right.
Speaker 3:
[12:48] Oh, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho.
Speaker 1:
[12:52] Then Daisy goes and serves breakfast, and the guests are like, there's no soap in this one, right? She's like, salt? Soap? It was a joke, a call back. She's like, oh, no, no, no, no, no. You're the guinea pig. You'll see. So then Ben is like, Daisy, chill, okay? Like, what's going on? Talk to me. You're doing the whole breakfast. Are you doing all of the breakfast? Yes, me and Jenna are doing the breakfast. What don't you know about that? Why can't you figure that out? Jenna's doing drinks, okay? Well, I thought you were actually on your own. So she's like, Jesus fucking Christ.
Speaker 4:
[13:25] He's like, then why are you saying it's only you?
Speaker 6:
[13:27] It's like, ah, she's doing the drinks, goddammit.
Speaker 4:
[13:30] So Jason is radioing, cause it's time to dock everybody. So Ashley takes a bite of the eggs upstairs and Tyler's like, oh my God, is there soap in it? Okay, guys, we get it. It wasn't rat poison, okay? You're all still alive. So Ashley eats it and then she just looks at him and she goes, it's an egg. And they're like, oh good, man.
Speaker 6:
[13:53] Yay, they did it.
Speaker 1:
[13:55] Meanwhile in the galley, guess what's cooking? The cheesecake is cooking.
Speaker 7:
[13:58] She's like, good stuff. I feel like everything happens for a reason, Ben.
Speaker 1:
[14:02] He's like, well, yes, I know what the reason is. So you can marry Joao.
Speaker 7:
[14:07] He's like, oh my good, yes, yes, that would be very good. Merging genetics, the plan is going forward, mother.
Speaker 4:
[14:13] The way to a man's heart is through his lactose intolerance, I always say.
Speaker 1:
[14:21] So now the guests are filling out these comment cards, like what stood out the most? And someone goes, I put sopiyak. Now, I like these comment cards in theory. I feel like they haven't been very impactful. I feel like Captain Jason needs to read them out loud at the meeting. He just reads them and goes, that's not good, and then moves on. I'm like, no, they are a tool. They are a reality show tool for public humiliation. Let's see it all the way through.
Speaker 4:
[14:48] Yeah, I agree. There were a lot of two stars. They got a lot of two stars on this one. It's time for a commercial.
Speaker 3:
[14:55] It's time for a Crappens commercial.
Speaker 4:
[15:00] So we go to the galley and they're still talking about cheesecake, and then we go to Mike fixing his hair. Man, we see a lot of Mike fixing his hair in this. If he took as much time to work on his brain, he might actually have a shot in this world, but you know, he doesn't. So Ozone's just like slowly opening up every time that man goes into his bedroom. It's like... It's just, poor starfish we saw last week was burnt to a crisp. It looked like it was in independent state, just melted, just a little hole of the ozone opened and just obliterated the starfish.
Speaker 1:
[15:36] Just so sad. It's like he's just intentionally shaping his head to be like a chestnut or a bike helmet or something. It's just like, it's got such a strange aerodynamic shape of like going up and wide and then back in, it goes, it's like this, it's just the strangest choice. Like I know he got his plugs and he's very proud of his plugs. But like if you're going to get the plugs, do something productive with them. Don't make this crazy nest on your head. This Olympic torch, this affront to hair.
Speaker 4:
[16:14] It really is. And as someone without hair, I just look at that and say, you know what, if that's what it is, just keep it. Like I don't need it. I don't even need it anymore, I'm not even jealous. Just keep it. So we go to Joao and Daisy and they're outside the galley listening to Ben and Ellie giggle and stuff. And Daisy's just getting worked up. She's like, I can't actually deal with that. I mean, listen to that. It's like they're trying to send me over the edge.
Speaker 1:
[16:41] And he's like, oh, well, already trying to send you over the edge.
Speaker 6:
[16:44] Ha ha ha ha.
Speaker 1:
[16:45] Yes, I'm over the edge. So then they laugh and he's like, well, let me know if you can, if you need anything.
Speaker 6:
[16:50] Ha ha ha ha.
Speaker 1:
[16:52] So then we go to Eddy bringing Alicia's laundry to her in Jenna's room and Jenna's changing. And he's like, oh, I'm not stinky anymore. Just boring, boring and non-stinky. I'm as inoffensive as possibly could be. I'm like a big, gentle candle that's not even melted. Just a generic candle you found in the back of a CVS. So what do you think about that?
Speaker 8:
[17:14] She's like, oh, that's great.
Speaker 7:
[17:15] I guess I'll kiss you now.
Speaker 4:
[17:18] Mike's hair, I mean, yeah, Mike's hair is so stupid that we don't even get to concentrate on Eddy's hair, which is also extremely stupid. You know, Mike is really saving everybody on this show. Everybody, he's like a human shield. He's a hair shield for everybody else on this show because he's so gross. So everybody goes outside to line up and say goodbye and Ben's like, wow, feels like another reality out here. You come out here and sunbathe and swim every morning. Why are you acting like you're stuck in there, Ben? So now the guests come out and Tyler is there, the drag queen who lied about having glam. He's like, we had the most wonderful trip and this is so deserved and I do have one more little competition because I'm rich and you're poor. For the first person to jump off the marina butt naked gets $1,000.
Speaker 1:
[18:06] So in a heartbeat, Mike is somehow naked. Alicia tries to do it too. I don't think she even wants the tip. I think she just wants to do something faster than Mike at that point. But Mike, he is an OnlyFans model, so he is pretty adept at this. And he's just naked and in that water in a heartbeat. So he gets the money and everything and they all laugh like, my God, they're gonna share it. And so then Jason goes to the fridge.
Speaker 4:
[18:33] I mean, is this okay to do? I feel like if I did that to my cleaning ladies, people would get very upset. If I went on Instagram, I was like, hey, I told the cleaning ladies, whoever gets naked and jumps into the pool first wins $100. Cause no one would believe the thousand cause it's me. They'd be like, Ronnie, how dare you treat people like that?
Speaker 1:
[18:56] This is, I would say, not appropriate. I just have to imagine that the producers sort of propose this as a thing and cleared it ahead of time.
Speaker 4:
[19:05] Well, that's what I'll say on Instagram. Next time I post a story of my maids getting naked and jumping off the balcony.
Speaker 1:
[19:12] Don't worry, this is all pre-planned by a producer.
Speaker 4:
[19:15] The problem is I don't have a pool, so the poor cleaning ladies will just be splattered all over the balcony, all over the ground. I probably would get in trouble for that.
Speaker 1:
[19:24] Yeah, it wouldn't be great. So Jason's on the bridge, and the guests have left him like a boob suit thing, like something if you're a drag queen, you'd put it on so it looks like you have, you know, boobs, breasts, a breastplate, they're called. Breastplate.
Speaker 4:
[19:41] They're big like latex, yeah, big latex boobies. You pull it over like a shirt and then you got big old bazungas.
Speaker 1:
[19:48] Yeah.
Speaker 4:
[19:49] Or you just take off your shirt if you're me. They're there.
Speaker 1:
[19:52] Yeah, I was about to say, some of us can do it naturally. And Jason's like, well, look at that, I'm gonna try it on. So he's like, I'm gonna try it on, and he puts it on over his shirt, which is a real interesting look, and then he's like, yeah, I'm not gonna wear this to a tip meeting, because I think he was planning to, and then decided that maybe not the best idea to come in with bare-chested, silicon boobies style to a tip meeting. And it probably also was hot.
Speaker 4:
[20:24] So now he comes, he takes a selfie of himself with the boobs in the disco helmet, that was funny. Okay, so then it's time for a tip meeting, and he's reading comment cards while he waits for everybody to gather, and he's like, what could have been better, less soap? All right, well, that's not good. I'll just put these away, never talk about them again. It's great.
Speaker 1:
[20:41] Yeah. So they all sit down for the tip meeting. He's like, well, this is just to say exactly what we can improve on. Okay, the tip was $22,000, that's $1,600 per person, but also that's $1,000 that Mike jumped in for, so $1,700 even. And then Mike is like, well, it was a team effort, and we all chipped in.
Speaker 8:
[21:07] I mean, I just chipped in a little bit more.
Speaker 1:
[21:09] No, you literally reverse chipped, and then you added like a little minor chip at the end, like you did not help. You actually reduced that tip. You let them know about this big secret. So the fact that you were able to earn back $1,000 off of what would have been a much higher tip is nice, but you failed this, sir.
Speaker 4:
[21:28] True. And that was a little tiny tip that you added, a little tiny tip, I have a tiny tip. So Ellie is the winner of the helmet, okay? And she's a good support about it. She's like, this is good, you know? So what?
Speaker 6:
[21:46] Bombs fell on my head when I was eight years old.
Speaker 4:
[21:48] So maybe helmet will be good. And she's like, oh, so we scramble. Of course I deserve it. I don't think anybody has ever been more deserving of a helmet than I am right now. All right, well, I know we just got over the halfway mark, but let's think of the bigger picture here. All right, the owner of the Sandy Lane Marina has given you a villa to use this afternoon. All right, not the evening, you're not going to get to sleep there. You have to leave after hanging out and getting drunk and then drag yourself back here, where I'll probably make you clean again. It's not really a vacation. It's five minutes, not on the boat, and it's a block away. Have fun.
Speaker 1:
[22:25] Yeah, I feel like there's no one on this island. They're on such a random island in the Caribbean, and I feel like we don't see anyone there. We just, we see a few people in the bars, and they go to this villa. There's like no one on the streets. There's no, there's like no one.
Speaker 4:
[22:38] It's like the Real Housewives of Dubai. There's no extras.
Speaker 2:
[22:41] There's no one living in the town.
Speaker 4:
[22:43] It's just the cast. It's creepy, huh?
Speaker 1:
[22:46] Yeah, it's like on Beverly Hills a few weeks ago when they went to that random town in Italy, and there was no one there. Like, where is everyone in Cannawan?
Speaker 4:
[22:54] Yeah, but at least they called that one a ghost town, you know? Or they called it like an abandoned church. They called it abandoned or something.
Speaker 1:
[23:01] So ghost town. That's what they called it. So everyone cheers. And Jason's like, I really want you guys to bond. Not going to happen. He's like, this is a great opportunity for the crew to have a day off. It is, you know what? This is a great opportunity to have for the crew to have a day off. That's, I guess that's why you give them a day off.
Speaker 4:
[23:21] Yeah, that's what a day off is. I wonder if he says that every Saturday.
Speaker 1:
[23:24] When I give you a day off, just know that this is a great opportunity to have a day off.
Speaker 3:
[23:29] Hi guys, guess what we've got today?
Speaker 4:
[23:31] It's Tuesday. Great opportunity to go to work. Right? Okay, thanks.
Speaker 1:
[23:36] Thanks, thanks. I'm really feeling some tension in the crew, and so I've decided I'm going to step in and send them off the boat and not deal with it. All right. You know, we're halfway through the charters. They're tired and hopefully this reset can bring some energy back into it, and we can get through the rest of the season.
Speaker 4:
[23:55] All right, Daisy, would you like to say something?
Speaker 6:
[23:58] I would.
Speaker 4:
[23:58] All right, you've got the floor.
Speaker 6:
[24:00] God damn it.
Speaker 4:
[24:01] All right, could you say a little bit more than that? Give a monologue.
Speaker 6:
[24:05] God damn it. God damn it.
Speaker 4:
[24:08] All right, Daisy, you're going to need more words. So she's like, I've been upset this truck. I've been seeing a lot of selfishness from different people, and whether that's regarding they think they work harder than other people. I've seen people bickering at each other in front of crew. It's been actually relentless, and the crux of it has been quite selfish behavior. And we're a team, and we work as a team, and it just can't happen again.
Speaker 6:
[24:29] Do you understand?
Speaker 4:
[24:30] I'm like, all right.
Speaker 8:
[24:33] Yes, you all must respect each other. We don't have to be petty.
Speaker 1:
[24:37] It's just about respecting each other. For instance, if you don't like a girl, maybe you tell her directly to her face instead of bringing her along just so you can get a free cheesecake and maybe a blowjob. But I don't know, just thinking out loud.
Speaker 4:
[24:48] And Mike's like, yeah, I agree. We need respect. We need to have more respect. And they're like, oh, God, shut up. She's talking about you. So Jason leaves and Mike's like, so Lisa, I think you've stepped up really a lot.
Speaker 3:
[25:02] Ha ha ha.
Speaker 4:
[25:04] He's like, Don't, it's not funny. It's not funny. I see what you're doing.
Speaker 8:
[25:08] I don't think that I work harder than everyone.
Speaker 1:
[25:11] He goes, Why don't you think that that was, why do you think that was pointed at you, Alicia?
Speaker 8:
[25:14] Because of what Mikey said.
Speaker 1:
[25:16] Mikey didn't say anything, Alicia.
Speaker 8:
[25:18] Yeah, nice to presume, though. I think some people just need to relax.
Speaker 1:
[25:21] There you go again. Do that again, Mikey. And I swear there'll be consequence. So Lisa is like, You're going to have to keep me away from him tonight. I'm like, is this for real? Is this real life? I'm talking to you about respect and you're disrespecting me and the conversation of respect. Sorry.
Speaker 8:
[25:37] No, that's not how it works.
Speaker 4:
[25:40] So now Mike is whispering to Daisy. It's like, You can see I'm being attacked, right? You know, I'm going to react to it. You know what I mean?
Speaker 6:
[25:47] She's like, Oh, what's the solution? I don't know. I'm not the boss.
Speaker 4:
[25:51] You're barely an employee. Just shut the fuck up, dude. My God. You don't need to be as loud as your haircut.
Speaker 1:
[25:58] Yeah. And you were not being attacked. You started it by saying, making little snide comments. Alicia reacted. And then you said like that suddenly you were somehow the victim of this back and forth. Daisy is losing her mind. It really must be like having two, you know, seven year olds. And Mike is, you know, Mike has been like, you're the boss, figure it out. And she's like, no, no, no, no. You're not going to put this back on me and tell me that I have to sort out your shit.
Speaker 8:
[26:23] He's like, no, no, no. I'm saying, I don't want to pick with other people. You can clearly see that's just targeting us.
Speaker 1:
[26:28] It's like, no, no, you're putting it back on me. I can't just, this guy's talking to his boss this way. I just can't even believe it. I'm actually shocked at the way he just addresses and medals with both of his bosses on this show.
Speaker 4:
[26:40] You're shocked? I mean, this guy hasn't ever kept a job. The guy can't even keep a job on OnlyFans and that's self-employment.
Speaker 1:
[26:47] Yeah, seriously.
Speaker 4:
[26:48] That was one of the jobs he listed that he couldn't keep. Girl, it's OnlyFans. Nobody to fire you on OnlyFans.
Speaker 8:
[26:57] Mike, Mike, can I ask you a Zim favor? Please don't get defensive. But the only thing is that my duty is my duty to tell you of a problem. It's for you to deal with it.
Speaker 1:
[27:05] It's like, yes, but you see how you're talking to me right now.
Speaker 8:
[27:07] That's what I'm saying, Mike.
Speaker 1:
[27:08] Not for me, eh?
Speaker 8:
[27:09] Not for me. It's like, yes, I guess.
Speaker 4:
[27:13] Yeah. So let me just tell you, my watch just told me to stand up. And you know what I'm going to tell my watch? Go fuck yourself. OK? Get off of me.
Speaker 1:
[27:22] Why don't you tell your watch stand up for what? For what?
Speaker 4:
[27:24] Yeah. What's the point? It's time to stand. It's time to sit your ass down and get the fuck off my wrist. Asshole watch. OK. So Alicia and Betul are talking about how, I mean, Alicia, I mean, poor Betul is just like, she just sits there for people to complain to her all day.
Speaker 5:
[27:41] So Alicia's like, well, I work a lot harder than he does.
Speaker 4:
[27:45] And she's like, oh my God, don't worry about the things you can't change, you know, don't give him a reaction. I just thank you for giving me one line today. Thank you. Thank you for stopping by. So then we go to Mike and Eddy's cabin and he's bitching about her and he's like, some people on this boat are so paranoid, it's ridiculous. She just needs to focus on herself and stop worrying about everybody else. And he's saying, which I think he's right actually about Alicia, where he's like, well, she's just trying to prove herself in this position by pointing everything out that I'm doing wrong. He is right, but you're such an asshole and you are doing everything wrong as well, that nobody cares that you're right. Like nobody cares that she's an asshole because you're also an asshole. That's why there can't be two brats in a family, because if you're both brats, no one cares. But if one of you pretends to be a good child, and then you're accusing the other one of being a brat, then your mom will like you better. Work for me.
Speaker 1:
[28:35] Whatever it is, they're both honestly two idiots. They're two idiots that need to work in a different industry and away from each other. Okay, I'm sick of them both. They drive me nuts. I don't like watching stupid people fail at a job.
Speaker 4:
[28:52] I know. I wish you could just treat them like you treat actual children. When they're fighting like that in the car, you pull the car over in the middle of the freeway, you kick them out of the car, you unstrap them from their fucking car seat, you put them out in the freeway and you say, good luck getting home.
Speaker 1:
[29:08] It's just too much. I'm sorry. I'm not going on this boat, but I'm like theoretically in some weird alternate universe, some parallel universe, I could have gone on that boat, I guess. And then I would have had bad service because of you. Or maybe even another alternate universe, I could have been working on that boat and I would have had to deal with both of you. I just don't want to see these two idiots anymore. They're driving me nuts. They both keep on failing and I don't want to have to take a side on who's dumber and who's more inept because it's just not fair to us. Because the moment you say one is the bigger idiot, then the other one does something that's more idiotic. So I'm just not going to have it. I think honestly, fire them both, get rid of them both and get some new people in here because they're both totally, totally bonkers. Yeah.
Speaker 4:
[29:53] So Ellie walks by Joao in the crew mess and she's like, I need a hug.
Speaker 3:
[29:58] So they give a big, he gives her a big long hug.
Speaker 4:
[30:00] And then Eddy goes to Jenna's room and he's like, just the lady I was looking for tomorrow, would you like to go for maybe a drink or something like that? Felicia doesn't ask me first.
Speaker 6:
[30:10] She's like, I don't like that.
Speaker 3:
[30:11] Well, this year I decided to just start getting into dating after three years, so it's scary.
Speaker 4:
[30:16] My problem is I'm a lover boy.
Speaker 2:
[30:19] Oh, God, here we go.
Speaker 4:
[30:21] The second time, we've also got this on Summer House with KJ.
Speaker 6:
[30:24] I'm just a lover boy. I don't know if I can do this.
Speaker 4:
[30:29] And KJ, we thought, well, this guy's gonna be a fuck boy because he says all the fuck boy things, but then he turned out not to be a fuck boy. And I guess Eddy's not really a fuck boy either. Is that weird? So our actual people calling themselves lover boys, our actual lover boys calling themselves lover boys now? It's weird.
Speaker 1:
[30:46] I am not gonna say that Eddy is not a fuck boy. I don't feel like there's any evidence of that just yet because Eddy's already done some of that stuff. But KJ, I mean, he's still his era. I mean, KJ has put the money where the mouth is. He has been doing more solid brand building for Lover Boy than Lover Boy has been doing for itself. So, yeah.
Speaker 4:
[31:08] So he tells us that he wears his heart on his sleeve. Boy, I don't trust guys who talk like this. I just don't believe them. And his last, this part, I believe though, he says, my last relationship, I think I saw into it a lot deeper and more than she did. And then we see a picture of them at like a game or something.
Speaker 5:
[31:24] And he's like, yeah, I'm with a girl.
Speaker 4:
[31:25] And she's like, why are you taking my picture? And I just got her. And so I could see him being way more in love with somebody. They probably dated two times, you know?
Speaker 1:
[31:36] Yeah.
Speaker 4:
[31:36] Like two dates.
Speaker 3:
[31:38] But I bought a popcorn and then she left me.
Speaker 1:
[31:42] Yeah, I don't know. I think I'm just like over so many of these people. I think it's a great season. I love this season of Below Deck Down Under. I'm totally in it. But part of being really into a season is hating the people that are on the show. That's just the way Below Deck works. So now we're in Mike's cabin. Joao walks in and he's like, ready to roll, ladies and gentlemen.
Speaker 8:
[32:02] He's like, so you get a big night with Ellie. He's like, no, I had a chat with her last night. And he's like, oh, did you tell her that you fancy Daisy instead? He goes, fuck off. Instead, I was actually very clear. I said, as you can see, Ellie, there are two people, when two people are in love or when there are friendships, they go down a path. And sometimes those paths intertwine.
Speaker 1:
[32:19] Sometimes those paths have gravel and one person wants pavement and one person wants gravel. But if you put a little bit of gravel in the pavement, then it's kind of like a gravelly pavement situation. And both people can be on the same path. And then when you stop along the way, maybe you see a little lemonade stand and you say, can I have some lemonade, please?
Speaker 8:
[32:32] And they say, what type do you want? Sugar or sugar-free? And I say, I don't know.
Speaker 1:
[32:36] So anyway, I think you understand what I'm trying to say.
Speaker 4:
[32:39] We're going to get married one day as friends. Friends who get married, love each other deeply, have passionate romance, friendship, sex. I'm glad we had this talk. See you for breakfast when we wake up together. Okay.
Speaker 1:
[32:57] So, Joao leaves, and Eddy is... So now basically Mike has announced that since Joao has friendzoned Ellie, or since Joao has announced that he's done that, I don't think that he's actually done it. But since he says he's done it, Mike is now deciding that he's going to take another stab at Ellie, even though the first many times she rejected him. This time, it's going to work.
Speaker 4:
[33:21] Mike, you're like me waiting at the Goodwill for a new shipment. I'm just waiting for discarded clothes. But those discarded clothes come and they still don't fit me, okay? She doesn't want you. She does not want you. Nobody wants you, Mike, okay? You're going to need to work harder. Change your hair, change your eyebrows, change your personality, baby steps. And then those are starts.
Speaker 1:
[33:43] And then go away.
Speaker 4:
[33:44] Yeah. And then maybe wait for somebody to kind of at least maybe a little bit flirt with you or give you some kind of, some kind of sign that they're into you. No one has. You are a pest, okay? You're a fly on poop.
Speaker 1:
[34:00] Flirt with the bottom step of a staircase and throw yourself down them, please. So, they...
Speaker 4:
[34:06] No, no, the top step, the top step.
Speaker 1:
[34:09] Well, no, I'm saying that he should flirt.
Speaker 4:
[34:12] Flirt with the top, flirt with the bottom, like if you're standing on the top.
Speaker 1:
[34:16] Like go over to the bottom step and you get there by falling down.
Speaker 4:
[34:20] Oh, I thought you meant like stand on the first stair and then fall off of it. And I was like, well, that's just a trip.
Speaker 1:
[34:26] Ultimately, I just want him to fall down a staircase and I figured he could get to the bottom staircase and then flirt with it.
Speaker 4:
[34:34] Flirt with the bottom step of the staircase.
Speaker 1:
[34:41] Assuming, I love my reads. Okay, everyone, this is a read that involves a certain amount of relative positioning. So how about you flirt with the bottom step of a staircase, assuming you're at the top of the staircase when you start. Because if you start at the bottom, then there's really nothing.
Speaker 4:
[34:56] I guess you have to when you're talking to me, because I thought you were saying like, stand on the bottom step and then fall off of it. And that just wasn't enough. I needed more violence.
Speaker 1:
[35:05] Better at the top. Yeah, better at the top. Because at the top of the staircase.
Speaker 4:
[35:09] Maybe, yeah.
Speaker 1:
[35:12] Here's what you do. Okay, you get on the top of a staircase, okay? Make sure you're not wearing any soft clothing. So if you fall, it really hurts. And stay away from the bannisters and just throw yourself down. And then there's a step and then you kiss it.
Speaker 4:
[35:26] You know what? Times have changed. Like language has changed so much, we can't just say what we mean anymore. Like you can't say the R word anymore, which is good. We shouldn't be able to say the R word, right? There's a reason that that's out. But now people say other words instead.
Speaker 5:
[35:40] They're like, well, she's a little special.
Speaker 4:
[35:43] Well, is that better? Like you're saying the same thing. Like now we can't just say, oh, just kill yourself. Like people used to say that all the time. It wasn't so bad. Like just kill yourself. Now we have to be like, you know what you need to do?
Speaker 3:
[35:55] You need to flirt with the bottom of the step.
Speaker 4:
[35:58] But if the wind is blowing from the top of the, flirt with the wind on the top of a step and then wait for it. And then find a way to the bottom of this. No, just rewind to 2010. Just kill yourself.
Speaker 3:
[36:14] Just kidding.
Speaker 2:
[36:15] You shouldn't be able to say that anymore.
Speaker 1:
[36:16] But what I like about, throw yourself down some stairs. There's something kind of campy about someone falling downstairs. I mean, it's like very dangerous to fall downstairs and you could really like maim yourself and like do like severe harm.
Speaker 4:
[36:31] But... Let's see, look at all the qualifiers you have to give.
Speaker 1:
[36:36] Yeah, you know why? Cause people are gonna fucking write to us and be like, it's actually really not funny. Cause to this day, I have a tingly elbow. And like, I feel bad. Like when you do a podcast.
Speaker 4:
[36:45] Times are different.
Speaker 1:
[36:47] But I will say, I just saw someone for some reason posted a montage of people falling down staircases on the show Dynasty. And so many people fell down those stairs. And it's funny.
Speaker 4:
[36:57] Yeah. There's a scene that the dust becomes her.
Speaker 6:
[37:00] Yeah.
Speaker 1:
[37:02] I was gonna say, it's funny in the context of like a funny moment. It's not funny in the context of real life. And if you think I'm actually saying he should really throw himself down a staircase where he could potentially hurt himself.
Speaker 6:
[37:14] I mean, yes, I am saying that. Sure.
Speaker 4:
[37:17] He'll be fine. I'm advocated for the return of the R word and just kill yourself. So I think you'll be fine. So, yeah, there's a whole scene in Death Becomes Her, the musical where she's falling down the stairs, and they got a whole separate actress to do it. And it's great. Like she's falling. It's like this acrobatic scene of falling down the stairs. It's so good.
Speaker 1:
[37:45] That's, I mean, that again, like if Mike were adept at something, he could fall down a staircase and be fine. He just would have to apply himself.
Speaker 4:
[37:53] Mike would be okay if he fell down the stairs. I mean, he's got that hair. It's like a helmet.
Speaker 1:
[37:57] Yeah.
Speaker 4:
[37:57] You know, he'd be fine.
Speaker 1:
[37:58] It's literally there to protect him.
Speaker 4:
[38:00] Yeah. So anyway, now people are boarding golf carts to go to this, the stupid Villa half day or whatever they're going to do. And it's around the block. It's embarrassing. It's an embarrassing travel. Usually they get to go on like a little boat and they're taken kind of far away to this like exclusive little beach club. And this time they're like, well, it's off season. Let's go to the empty place around the... We still have the code from the Airbnb. Just go around the corner. Just be out of there before night when security comes.
Speaker 1:
[38:27] And later on, there's a date. And that happens also like 50 feet from the boat. I'm like, is there anywhere else we can go? Come on. Jeez.
Speaker 4:
[38:36] It's a ghost town. It's like filming at Universal Studios and not even trying to hide it.
Speaker 1:
[38:41] Well, it is controller weekend, so I guess everyone was busy.
Speaker 4:
[38:48] They're all at this villa and it's pretty and stuff. And the first thing Ellie says, she looks around, she goes, where are the mirrors?
Speaker 6:
[38:54] Why are there no mirrors here?
Speaker 1:
[38:57] And then she spends the next three hours doing her hair because we sort of forgot that last season, she was known for taking forever to get ready. So then everyone else is frolicking in the pool and having a good time and Joao and Eddy and Mike are outside.
Speaker 8:
[39:11] And Mike is like, can I apologize for how I spoke to you earlier?
Speaker 1:
[39:14] He's like, can I stop you right there?
Speaker 8:
[39:16] Because all I saw is the way that you were speaking to Daisy. Fair Daisy, fair, sweet, sweet Daisy.
Speaker 1:
[39:21] And I did not like that. So let's have respect for each other. Just the way I have respect for Daisy. I mean, Ellie or one of them. I don't know, I want to bang someone.
Speaker 4:
[39:31] Speaking of you and Daisy. And then we cut to Ellie blow drying her hair.
Speaker 2:
[39:35] And then back to them.
Speaker 4:
[39:37] And Joao was like, oh, fuck off, fuck off. I'm not kidding with her. And they laugh. And then we go to Alicia, Jenna, Daisy and Eddy. And they're in the pool. I don't know. Just people are partying and stuff. Ben is still cooking, which I like that Ben like showed up and cut. I thought that was nice because wasn't it last season recently, there was that chef who was like freaking out that he had to cook alone on vacation.
Speaker 1:
[40:00] Yeah, it was Anthony on Below Deck.
Speaker 8:
[40:03] He's like, I will not do this, I'm not supposed to do that.
Speaker 6:
[40:05] I will not do this, I'm just gonna wait, I'm all just gonna wait.
Speaker 1:
[40:08] And he like punched like a lifehack.
Speaker 6:
[40:09] We were going to cook as family, and now we are not cooking as family. God damn it.
Speaker 4:
[40:13] Yeah, he lost his shit. And Ben just does it the right way. He's like, they're all drunk, nobody has any taste on this boat. I'm just gonna throw a bunch of fucking plain ass chicken, I'm gonna throw some adobo on some chicken, throw them on the grill and be done with it.
Speaker 1:
[40:26] Yeah, and I mean, they were treating Anthony like shit. They were kind of like ignoring him and he was stuck there doing it, but yeah, Ben had the right attitude, like whatever, just cook some shit. So then, Eddy is with Jenna on a floaty and he's like, my stupid little pea brain just sits there and goes, what would it be like if I married Jenna? Here's your little noggin line up, how's it line up with that? And he keeps on, by the way, touching her head, like sort of clasping it. And you can just see she's just getting the Ick. Like the Ick is coming, it's like high tide and the tide is bringing in the Ick.
Speaker 4:
[41:01] He's gross, and it's not in like a creep way, like he's being too creepier. It's not that, it's just that he's so ready to get married already, and he's, you don't even know her, she doesn't even know, she doesn't even like you either, you know, so.
Speaker 1:
[41:15] You were just flirting with Alicia like three days ago.
Speaker 4:
[41:19] Yeah, but that's why I don't think he's a fuck boy. I know he's like flirting with a lot of people, but I think he's just so desperate that he's like, oh my God, somebody said yes, oh my God, what if I married them? What if I married them? And then they get mad. And then someone else says yes, and he's like, oh my God, what if I married them? He's just a sad person who was short one time. Cause I still remember his backstory of like, I was short when I was young, and then everybody made fun of me for being short until I got into field honky, what is it? Rugby.
Speaker 1:
[41:47] Rugby.
Speaker 4:
[41:48] Yeah, rugby. And then everybody was naked in the shower and everybody was so weird. Then I took a couple loads and I realized, doesn't matter if I'm short, I can swallow or whatever his story was. But now he's not even short. It was like the weirdest backstory. I can't let go of it. But the backstory isn't even short, but now he's not short. And it really bothers me. Like it bothers me that this day is three months later and I'm still upset about it. Like, but you're not even short.
Speaker 1:
[42:17] Who would have thought such a short issue would have long consequences? So anyway, that was a long and short of it.
Speaker 2:
[42:26] Nobody.
Speaker 1:
[42:28] Asking him to have some personality seems to be a tall order. So it's.
Speaker 4:
[42:34] I wonder if that is the height of ridiculousness.
Speaker 1:
[42:38] I wonder if you ever saw the Robert Altman film Shortcuts. So it's not.
Speaker 2:
[42:47] The Oscar for best short goes to Long Night Ahead.
Speaker 1:
[42:55] So now it's nighttime and Mike and Ellie and Eddie are sitting outside. And you just know Mike. Mike has a look on his face and you know he's going to be up to no good. And I think this is why I think Mike is worse than Alicia. Ultimately, is that Alicia, she's just not she's not a bright person, but she's trying the best she can with her limited tool set.
Speaker 8:
[43:20] But Mike, he is there.
Speaker 4:
[43:21] How do you hear in what way? Like at work, at her job or what?
Speaker 1:
[43:26] Yeah, I think she's trying. She just can't she just can't figure it out. She just doesn't know how to do it. She just can't. She can't connect A and B together. She she's you know, she just doesn't she doesn't it's just not her. This is not her skill set. But I think Mike has all that going. And on top of that, he's come in. He is a reality star. He already was on reality TV. He's come in and he's just trying to have moments. He's trying to be gossipy. He's he is trying to just get screen time. And so there's just that added element of like you are inept and you are craven. Like you are also just like thirsty for the fame. And so we see it happen right here. He's going to stir up a hornet's nest.
Speaker 4:
[44:07] Well, I would have to counter that by saying, yes, that's true. All of what you said is true. And I would like to add that Alicia also spent the past two weeks like flirting with everybody else's guy and like purposely like trying to move in on all the men to piss off the women and then pull Joao aside when she knew Ellie was trying to hang, you know, so she's doing it too. And so I think that's why it's bad to have them both together because they're both trying in a very amateurish way to be reality stars and they're both just so bad at it. Well, I mean, I guess not bad because at least Mike, they both get results. They both piss people off, but it's just obnoxious to the audience, you know?
Speaker 1:
[44:50] I just feel like I get a sense from Mike that he's like, I've been, I know how to do this.
Speaker 8:
[44:54] It's not my first time at the radio.
Speaker 1:
[44:56] So he is like, so Ellie, what's going on with you and Joao?
Speaker 8:
[45:00] Did you guys have a nice little talk last night?
Speaker 7:
[45:02] And she's like, yes, we did.
Speaker 6:
[45:05] We had a nice chat last night.
Speaker 7:
[45:06] Very good, very good. Genetics project going first in my head.
Speaker 8:
[45:10] What was it about?
Speaker 7:
[45:11] Well, basically, we just had, we're having fun for the season and they're like, four charters left to go and we like each other. So let's get to know each other, you know?
Speaker 8:
[45:20] He's like, oh, really? And Joao said he likes you as well?
Speaker 7:
[45:23] Yes.
Speaker 8:
[45:24] Oh, that's nice, that's nice.
Speaker 4:
[45:27] And so they're like, well, what did Joao say to you, Mike?
Speaker 5:
[45:31] Oh, Joao said to me that he wasn't in the alley, not in the road, really? Well, yeah, the chat was Joao and Joao said, I've cut things off with Ellie.
Speaker 4:
[45:40] And I'm like, all right, little asshole. It's like, you see one happy girl and you can't take it. He's the kind of guy who's like, I'm going to break her down and make her cry. So I can be the one to like, you know, she can put her head on my shoulders, but he's, it's very low. The house on fire. So you can call the fire department, you know?
Speaker 1:
[45:59] Yeah. If this were Love Island, I'd be okay with it.
Speaker 4:
[46:03] He would never get on to Love Island.
Speaker 1:
[46:05] I'd be more forgiving of it. But like, because they actually have a job to do, I'm annoyed because it's like, this is fucking up workplace dynamics.
Speaker 7:
[46:13] So Ellie is like, oh, am I being played? Am I being lied to? Because going out the conversation, I had with Joao last night, I'm thinking that we are in a kind of a good place. You know, my jeans, his jeans, getting into jeans together. You know, it just makes no sense. What is happening here?
Speaker 6:
[46:28] Oh, we're going to have chat. We're going to have chat right now.
Speaker 4:
[46:32] So she goes up to Joao who's talking to Jenna.
Speaker 6:
[46:35] And Jenna is just like, the status, the status, struggling right now, it's really hard to restrain us.
Speaker 4:
[46:40] It's like, sorry to interrupt whatever you're talking about. It's hard to be stored. There's some juice.
Speaker 6:
[46:45] Okay, now listen, can we talk for a second?
Speaker 4:
[46:47] I'm sorry to interrupt the conversation, but you can continue later.
Speaker 6:
[46:51] Okay, I will talk to you now.
Speaker 4:
[46:52] You talk now.
Speaker 5:
[46:53] He's like, of course, of course.
Speaker 6:
[46:55] Ha ha ha ha ha. The guys, they told me you cut things off and you want nothing to do with me.
Speaker 4:
[46:59] He's like, Oh, really, really well.
Speaker 5:
[47:02] I bet that was Mike.
Speaker 4:
[47:03] Eddy, come here. Come here and tell her, tell her on Mike right away.
Speaker 1:
[47:09] So then Mike goes over and he's like, it's like, say exactly what you told Ellie.
Speaker 8:
[47:14] Tell her exactly. I said, look, maybe you two need to have a chat because I'm not sure where things stand.
Speaker 7:
[47:19] He's like, yes, yes. And you said that Joao told you today that he cut things off with me last night.
Speaker 1:
[47:24] Now, to Mike's credit, Joao is fucking lying here and he is trying to make himself sound like he still said he was interested in her and he just had pumped the brakes and that's not what it was. He basically announced at the end of the last episode, well, I'm so glad that we are now friends and I got it off my chest and everything is good. It is now officially over. Like he basically said that. And now he's acting like he didn't say it. So to Mike's, not to Mike's credit, but like we can't overlook the fact that yes, Mike is being messy, but Joao did pretty much say these things. Yes.
Speaker 4:
[47:58] So cut things off. That's not what I said. I said we'd had a chat.
Speaker 5:
[48:03] That's what I said. But you said to me that you and Ellie weren't working out.
Speaker 4:
[48:06] Oh really? Working out is not the right word, only because I don't work out. I meant I don't work out and everybody knows it. I don't want an over expectation of me having lats, because that's not going to happen.
Speaker 5:
[48:19] But you said to me, I'm not into Ellie because I like Daisy.
Speaker 4:
[48:21] He's like, oh God, Joao can't talk his way out of it fast enough.
Speaker 5:
[48:25] And Ellie's like, oh my God, this is awful, I'm going to go away.
Speaker 6:
[48:29] This is awful. I don't want to be a part of this.
Speaker 5:
[48:32] Is this healthy?
Speaker 6:
[48:32] Is this good for my mental health? Questionable.
Speaker 1:
[48:38] So she walks away and Joao's like, I never said cut things off.
Speaker 8:
[48:42] It's like, but if you think you're right, you're right, it's like, no, see, this is fine.
Speaker 1:
[48:46] Okay, this is the fucking sarcasm. You know, Mike doesn't know what I said to Ellie.
Speaker 8:
[48:50] Neither does Ellie.
Speaker 1:
[48:51] Neither do I, to be fair. I just said a lot of words.
Speaker 4:
[48:53] The property knows, even the dolphins are confused. It turns out one of the spy dolphins crashed into the side of a boat. It was very confused when it heard the sonars of my bullshit.
Speaker 1:
[49:06] You wouldn't know it, but Canawon is home to many evil plans, so there's plenty of dolphins about.
Speaker 4:
[49:13] Listen, you never know where those spy dolphins are. They're everywhere.
Speaker 1:
[49:18] So Mike walks away, by the way.
Speaker 4:
[49:21] You're telling me there's not spy dolphins in Canawon?
Speaker 1:
[49:23] No, I'm saying just get ready for the fish report this week. That's what I'm saying. Just get ready because it's a pretty big one. And I don't know, no spoilers. So Eddie is like, if I've done anything wrong here, he's just being a dick and it's a windup, that's it. So, okay. So over in the kitchen, Ben and Ellie, like she's crying. And this is actually really nice, considering that they were like at each other's throats a few episodes ago. Ben is really, he really is actually very, not paternal, big brother-y to her. Say, are you all right?
Speaker 7:
[49:58] And she's like, apparently he's into Daisy now. Apparently he wants genes of Daisy. Do you know what else is called Daisy? Sour cream, okay? So congratulations, your child will be sour cream.
Speaker 6:
[50:11] Congratulations.
Speaker 1:
[50:13] So he's like, man, I'm sorry you had to deal with that.
Speaker 7:
[50:15] Yeah, you're gonna have to whole fucking cake for his birthday too.
Speaker 1:
[50:18] He's like, well, you know what? We're gonna use that for guests. She just starts laughing.
Speaker 2:
[50:24] Yeah, that's funny. I love that.
Speaker 4:
[50:28] Oh, he's like, listen here, Blackjack Bones. Listen here, Blackjack Bones, we'll use it for the guests.
Speaker 6:
[50:33] He's like, oh, you want me bean?
Speaker 4:
[50:34] He's like, I'll give you a bean, my little love. So Eddy's like, okay, can we just all take five minutes and, you know, tidy up here? And Joao's like, I'm honestly, I've been packing things in bags this entire time. So, and Jenna says, yeah, I put so many bottles in the fucking bin and I'm done with it.
Speaker 1:
[50:56] They can't even enjoy a day of debauchery. They're already cleaning up.
Speaker 4:
[51:00] Guys, nobody cleans more than each other. Can we stop this fucking tit for tat?
Speaker 6:
[51:05] I've had it.
Speaker 8:
[51:07] But there's some people in this boot who are definitely working harder than others. Like, I feel like you should sit down because you'll definitely work the least out of everyone. Alicia, I want you to know that I recognize that you're working really hard.
Speaker 7:
[51:19] Thank god you're being genuine.
Speaker 6:
[51:20] I love that.
Speaker 8:
[51:20] It's like, Alicia, I think a few people have had too much to drink.
Speaker 1:
[51:24] Okay, you know what? That's really out of order. That's out of order. You know what? If somebody said that to me, I would be really upset. That's not okay. It's like, is it? You're being mean. How hard it would both of you.
Speaker 4:
[51:35] I love when Daisy says that she walks inside and stumbles. It's like, how dare you tell someone that I've had too much to drink. That was the bottom step. All right. Someone jinxed me.
Speaker 1:
[51:47] And the goddamn reason I wasn't flirting with it. Okay. So I have to be friends with the bottom step first before I can flirt with it.
Speaker 6:
[51:54] I'm a lover boy.
Speaker 5:
[51:56] So Alicia's like, well, I'm not trying to be dramatic, but he wants to be fucking, he wants to fucking bite and bite me. And then the second time he act is, Alicia this, Alicia that.
Speaker 6:
[52:06] So how do you move forward, Alicia?
Speaker 5:
[52:08] But you need to, as the head of department, talk to him.
Speaker 6:
[52:11] Because I need, I fucking need, I'm done with this, Alicia.
Speaker 4:
[52:14] I've had it from him and I've had it from you.
Speaker 6:
[52:17] The two of you sort this shit out together. I have, whoa, damn it, bottom stop.
Speaker 1:
[52:27] All the dolphins, all the spy dolphins are like, we gotta go. They just leave. They're like, it's too dangerous. So now Mike is sitting below Alicia on the patio.
Speaker 8:
[52:37] He's like, does anyone know which is hippie?
Speaker 7:
[52:39] And he's like, oh, more than, let's just act oblivious.
Speaker 8:
[52:42] This shit don't actually care what the fucking consequences.
Speaker 1:
[52:46] It's my job to run a super yacht. Nowhere on my job description is it mediates two squabbling children. And if they don't rein it in, hats are gonna roll. I'm like, I mean, I do feel like as the boss, you need to, like, it's not enough to be like, you two sort it out. Like that's not enough because they're not gonna sort out unless you tell them, I'm gonna fire one of you guys. Like that's what you have to say. Like you have to say, you're gonna run this car right now and take you home, you're not going to Disneyland.
Speaker 4:
[53:13] Well, she's talked to them like adults, they just won't accept it because they're not adults, you know? So yeah, they have to fire somebody. So Ben, she walks into the kitchen, Ben's like, Daisy, could you yell at me? I love that, that was hot. So she's like, let's go, we're getting out of here.
Speaker 6:
[53:29] God forbid we have a goddamn vacation day, let's go back to the bullet.
Speaker 4:
[53:33] So they all have to pack into the vans, and they're all wasted to go around the block. And they go to the boat and everybody's fucking tired and wasted. So now we go to Alicia and Jenna's cabin, and Jenna's like, where's my big dick, colorful rainbow dick?
Speaker 6:
[53:50] I don't know where the fuck it is, why am I always missing my big dick? Who's stealing my dick?
Speaker 8:
[53:57] And Alicia goes, no, you don't get it, it was on my bed first.
Speaker 1:
[54:00] It was never on your bed first, it was literally handed to Jenna, and she had it, and you took it off of her bed. I hate this, I fucking hate the stupid rainbow dick gaslighting story that Alicia is perpetuating right now.
Speaker 4:
[54:17] So Jenna walks out and Alicia puts the dick in the wardrobe, and she shows Betul, she's like, don't tell Betul, never say what.
Speaker 5:
[54:27] I don't know what she said.
Speaker 1:
[54:28] I don't feel like Alicia is hiding it in a way, like let's hide it from her, this will be hilarious. I think she's hiding it because she wants to take it home with her, and that's what I do not respect.
Speaker 4:
[54:38] Yeah, so now we go to Daisy and Ellie's cabin, and Daisy's like, are you gonna be okay? Are you?
Speaker 5:
[54:45] She's like, I'll be okay tomorrow.
Speaker 4:
[54:47] She's like, what's wrong with you, Ellie?
Speaker 5:
[54:49] I just feel so stupid.
Speaker 6:
[54:50] He was like, oh, I want nothing to do with Elena, I'm done with Elena, Elena's stupid and disgusting and gross, she is a human word.
Speaker 5:
[54:57] I'm like, oh, this is so fucking mean, what have I ever done for this? I've never asked for anything. I've never asked you for a relationship. I've never asked you for anything.
Speaker 6:
[55:05] I asked you if you wanted to buy some fruit, so sue me.
Speaker 7:
[55:10] Do you know how much fruit I had to sell in order to get the dairy for that cheesecake? Oh my goodness, it was so much. I feel so stupid making cheesecake.
Speaker 1:
[55:19] Well, at least you remember to put the sugar in the cheesecake.
Speaker 6:
[55:22] Remember, Alicia.
Speaker 1:
[55:23] We don't forget around these parts.
Speaker 5:
[55:26] What the fuck did I do?
Speaker 3:
[55:28] Oh, boys are stupid.
Speaker 4:
[55:29] All right, good night. All right, that's enough. I've had enough of this.
Speaker 3:
[55:34] Pat, pat, pat on the head.
Speaker 4:
[55:36] Good night, please. I felt kind of bad for Ellie here. You know, Ellie comes on strong, but she's pretty good if you're just very clear with her and tell her, like, I'm not into you, then she just backs off and she finds somebody else that she'll be into, you know? But you have to not flirt with her and keep being like, want to come into my bed for a cuddle and then cuddling with her in bed and getting naked massages. I mean, it's not like it's coming out of nowhere. I mean, I get you're afraid to say, I'm not into you, but, you know, you're gonna do this all the way to the wedding, you know?
Speaker 1:
[56:15] Yeah, yeah, exactly. No, what makes her feel stupid is the stringing along and the dishonesty and knowing that all these people know he's not into her, but she doesn't know, and then she's sitting here making a cheesecake, you know? So, then we see Jenna and Ben in the crew mess, and they're really flirting a lot, and so Jenna's like, Do I look like shit? It's like, you look incredible, I've been thinking about you a lot, babe, my little tandoori chicken.
Speaker 7:
[56:42] He's like, oh really?
Speaker 8:
[56:43] I really, all things are good things, right, I hope?
Speaker 1:
[56:46] She's like, yes, of course. Nothing but good things, Jenna.
Speaker 4:
[56:51] So these two are into each other. So now Ben has seen the woman that he was ignoring actually went and got with somebody else. So now he wants her because, you know, she's young and hot and he's old and gross. And, you know, it's a competition. He could make somebody else cry, namely Eddy. I don't really even think it's so much that he's into Jenna as much as he just wants to make a younger guy cry. Yeah. And hey, gotta have a hobby. So go for it, I say.
Speaker 3:
[57:18] Congratulations, you've reached the end of part one of a two part recap. For part two, go look for the recap that says, part two. See you over there, suckers.
Speaker 1:
[57:30] Watch What Crappens would like to thank its premium sponsors. Ain't no thing like Alice in King.
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[58:00] Erin McNicholas.
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[58:11] Sip some scotch with Jessica Tratch.
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[58:19] Kristen, the Piston Anderson.
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[59:18] Can't have a meal without the Emily sides.
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[60:17] She ain't no shrinking Violet Coutar. We love you guys.