transcript

Speaker 1:
[00:08] Welcome to today's episode of The Mindset Mentor Podcast. I'm your host Rob Dial. If you have not yet done so, hit that subscribe button so you never miss another podcast episode. And if you're out there and you want to learn and grow and improve your life, this is the show that you need. I put out episodes four times a week to help you learn and grow and improve yourself. So if that's what you're looking to do, join us on this journey. Today, I'm gonna be talking about how to begin again when everything in your life seems like it's falling apart. Because let me tell you something that most people don't understand. When everything in your life falls apart, your first instinct is to think that something went wrong. But what if that isn't actually true? What if everything falling apart is actually the first thing that's gone right in your life in a long time? Take this journey with me. Let me see if I can change your mind around it and we can rebuild, okay? When your life collapses, whether it's your relationship, your career, your identity, it doesn't mean that you lost your life. It doesn't mean that you lost everything around you. It means that you lost this external structure that was holding together a version of you that probably wasn't even actually you in the first place. And that's really hard to fully accept in the beginning. I completely understand. Because it felt like you, like it looked like you. You built it. You sacrificed for it. You took time and energy in years to build that life. But what if you built your ladder up the wrong wall? What if the old version of you, who thought that you were, was the one who built it? And that just doesn't line up with the future that you're creating. Because here's the deeper truth to all of this. You probably, knowing most people, didn't really build that life 100% consciously. You probably built it from conditioning. Like what you were supposed to do, what you thought you were supposed to do, you built it from an old version of yourself. So maybe everything crumbling and falling apart is actually a gift. Maybe your true self unconsciously destroyed it so that you can come in and build from a place of alignment with who you actually are and who you want to be. So maybe if you look at it from a different perspective, when everything is falling apart, maybe it's not random. Maybe it's not God punishing you. Maybe it's not bad luck. Maybe it's what happens when your reality can no longer support your misaligned identity. Do you see that? I want you to really think about that for a second. Maybe it's what happens when reality can no longer support your misaligned identity. Can you just, I know it's hard, especially if you're going through it. Can you just get yourself to look at it from a different perspective of maybe this is crumbling because this isn't actually what I wanted in the first place. Maybe you unconsciously did it. Who knows? Right? There's something in psychology that's called cognitive dissonance. It's this tension between who you are internally and how you're living externally. At first, it shows up as anxiety or restlessness or that feeling that something is off. If you ignore it long enough, it doesn't go away. It builds and builds and builds. As it builds, it intensifies and it gets heavier. Eventually, it's so heavy, the entire system just collapses. When everything breaks around you, the good part about it is that your brain becomes more flexible because your external environment that you had, that your old identity aligned with and identified with, I guess is a better word, your old identity identified with, you look at it and it's no longer there. So if everything externally breaks around you, then it gives you a chance to change internally. It makes you more open to change. It makes you more adaptable. In other words, when your identity falls apart, your brain becomes more programmable because your environment is completely different. You are never more capable of becoming somebody new than the moment when your old self no longer works in your reality. And it's much easier to change your actions and your identity when your external environment does a complete 180 from where it was heading and it starts breaking down. Now, let's get a little, go on a journey with me. Let's get a little woo woo, shall we? We can call it God or it might be the universe or it might be your subconscious or it might be your higher self, whatever is you want to call it that might have come in here and just, you know, destroyed the entire thing through a wrecking ball at your life. But there's something in this universe, in this world, whether it's actually internally inside of us or whether it's outside of us that knows you're living out of alignment, you're fully out of alignment with your true self. And if you don't course correct, it's going to correct you because you felt it before. You know what I'm talking about, right? You felt that voice that's inside of you, that little whisper that's saying this isn't right for you or this person isn't right for you. Or you felt like that discomfort saying like, hey, this isn't truly you. Or you felt like that pull to leave, pull to leave that job or to leave that person or to leave that environment. You've heard the whisper. I know you have. There's a thing called the feather, the brick, the truck. I'll give it to you an example. So it's like the way the universe or whatever it might come through and change your life, right? You get the feather is like the whisper in the back of your ear, right? And so maybe for instance, it's like losing weight. Maybe you're overweight and you're like, man, you have that little whisper in the back of your ear and it's like, hey, you should definitely lose some weight. Like it's probably not the best thing to not lose weight. It's probably better for you to lose weight. And it says this for a couple of years and a couple of years and a couple of years and you might not listen to it. If you don't listen to the feather, you're going to get the brick. And the brick might be your ACL tears because the weight of your body, your knees can no longer support. And so that's like the brick. Oh, you went from a little tickle in your ear to now getting smacked across the face by a brick. And it's like, oh, your ACL. And if you don't go and you don't change and you don't change, you don't change, then a truck's going to come and run you over. And it might be like the truck is the universal truck is a heart attack or something like that, right? Like it builds and builds and builds the longer that you don't listen. It's like the universal two by four to the side of the head because you weren't listening to the whispers. So it had to get louder. So what happens? The system forces a correction. The relationship has to end. The job has to disappear. The path has to close. You have to lose your money. Everything familiar has to break down in order to rebuild. And we will be right back. And now back to the show. And you think like, oh my god, this is the worst moment of my life. Why is this happening to me? But the better question is, what if this is happening for me because I couldn't walk away on my own? Like what if this is giving me my space to create my true life? Like for me, I remember the job I had when I was younger. I get into a sales company when I was 19. I moved up the ranks of the company very quickly. I started training people. I was running my own office. I had my own franchise by the time I was 21. By the time I was 24, I had been working 110 hours a week for three years. I was just like not able, I couldn't get myself to quit. I was so involved and I put so much time into it. I couldn't get myself to, even though my health was going down, my finances are going down, my office was selling less, all of this stuff. And I wouldn't give it up. Everything was going in the wrong direction. I was doing so well and then it started doing so terrible. I wouldn't give it up and then they're like, hey, we're going to relocate your office. And I was destroyed because they wanted to move me from one place to another place and the other place they're going to send me to was just like, not a good place, not a good territory. And I thought to myself, what if this is just my opportunity to leave? What if this is God giving me the moment to be like, hey, now you can finally leave, right? And so I want you to understand when you're going through these things, you're not losing anything. You're getting a clean slate to rebuild your life from scratch. So maybe it's not starting over like you think. Maybe it's a fresh start. Like even just that small little shift in your words changes perception, right? Starting over, oh God, it sounds so bad because you're like, I spent so many years building and going to school and investing into that relationship or whatever it might be. It's like starting over just doesn't feel good. A fresh start, that feels a lot better. So maybe it's a fresh start for you. Maybe that version of you is not who you were meant to be in the long term. And so the real pain isn't the loss of what you're going through. The real pain is this identity gap that you're going through. It's the moment where you ask, if I'm not that person anymore, who am I? Like your brain hates that question because your brain is wired for familiarity and certainty. It doesn't like if you're trying to figure out who you are. It wants to know who you are. So it can operate in this world as that person. Uncertainty activates the same regions in your brain as physical pain, which means it doesn't just feel confusing. It actually feels painful as well. And so at that point, this is where most people get stuck. When they have everything fall apart, they immediately go, how can I build it back again to the same? So they try to go back. They try to rebuild the same life. They try to recreate the exact same life in the exact same identity. Do not do that. This is your moment that the creator of this universe maybe is giving you to say, hey, you're not that person anymore. You're a different person. You're creating a different life. I'm removing everything from me so you don't have to even think about it. Because most time people will try to rebuild what they already had because familiar pain feels safer than unfamiliar growth. But going back is not healing. It's not changing. This isn't something that happened to you. It's something that happened for you. Sometimes, I get it because I've been at rock bottom before. It's not fun. If you're there, I get it. But sometimes rock bottom is the best place to be because now you can rebuild exactly the way that you want to and it can only get better if you're at rock bottom. And so you're not starting over, right? You're getting a fresh start. Before this moment, you were building a life from conditioning. You were building a life because you were told by your family, or by your parents, or by society, or by other people, or even by an old version of yourself, that this is what you're supposed to do. You were building from conditioning, you were building from fear, you were building from what you thought you should do. Maybe right now, because everything's been blown up in your life, you get to rebuild as your true self. Maybe right now, you get to build from intention. Maybe you get to build from true alignment of who you truly are. And so you got to stop asking, like, how do I get my whole life back? And start asking, what was that life trying to teach me about who I'm not? That's the real lesson. What was my life trying to teach me about who I am not? And so let's talk about how to, if you are at that place, or if you find yourself at this place, how to actually rebuild into the person that you want to be, how to change the course of your entire life. And so here's how to actually begin at a deeper level. Number one is I want you to identify the old identity. Ask yourself, who was I being? What did I need that life to validate? And you go into and you start thinking to yourself, who was I trying to be? What was I building? Oh, I was trying to be the people pleaser. I was trying to be the strong person. I was trying to be the person who didn't need help from anybody. Like, who was I trying to be in that old identity? Because now we're trying to change this identity that you have. So it's like, who was I being? I can see many moments in my life where something that I was building fell apart. Three or four times I could think of where something I was building fell apart. Something I was building fell apart. And it's in that moment where it's like, I now get the opportunity to be somebody else. But if I'm going to be somebody else, I need to figure out who I was being in the first place that I no longer want to be. So the first thing you need to do is identify that old identity. The second thing that you need to do is find the hidden pattern. Like, why was I being who I was? Was it safety? Was it approval? Was it avoidance? Is it, you know, is it who I was taught that I was supposed to be? Or is it who I truly am? Is it what my mom wanted? Is it what my dad told me to be? You know, like so many times I see people that are just like, they become doctors or dentists or lawyers because their parents told them that that's who they're supposed to be. And they went through all of this school and so much hard work and years and years and years of studying and growing a business. And now they're 40 years old and they're 12 years deep into it of being that person. And they're like, this isn't even who I am. Like what the hell do I do from here? And so you've got to see like, why was I being that person, that old identity? Was it safety? Was it approval? Was I avoiding something? Was that truly who I am? Or is that just who I was told I need to be? Actually start to figure out what's the hidden pattern, okay? Number three is to identify your new identity, not goals. Identify who you want to be. So it's not like, what do I want? It's more of who do I want to be? Who do I need to become to be fully aligned? Who am I truly? Like that's a really hard question deep at my core. Now that I've lost my relationship or my job or my income or whatever it was, now those things have been disappearing, who am I now that those old identities are gone? What are my beliefs? So many people are living in beliefs that they were just taught as a child that they're not even fully on board with. So they have these beliefs that are structuring and changing their entire life, and they have this part of them that's like, I don't even know if I believe this shit. So what are my beliefs? What do I want in my future? What version of me is begging to emerge? And that's what you actually start figuring out. Number four is you gotta start rebuilding in small steps. Not huge, massive, doing everything completely different, but like small decisions. Start thinking about how you show up, how you walk into a room, how you speak, how you speak to yourself, what you tolerate, what you choose to do. Because identity is not big, like these big, huge moments. It's not built in those huge moments. It's built in what you repeatedly do. And so if you start making these micro adjustments, you're changing yourself 20, 30, 40, 50 times a day. And you're going, nope, don't wanna be that way anymore. I wanna be this way. Nope, don't wanna be that way anymore. I wanna be this way. It's built in who you repeatedly do. And so you have to understand that I get it when you're at a point of just complete rebuild. Your fears are gonna scream at you. Your old identity will scream at you and just beg, come on back. Be this person you've always been. This is all that you know. Your brain will try to convince you that all of this was a mistake. But remember this, the life that you had fell apart because the real you wanted a chance to finally come out. So yeah, it's uncomfortable. It's so freaking uncertain. It feels like everything's gone. It feels like everything's wrong. But if you zoom out far enough, nothing that is the most important to you was lost. You didn't lose your life. You lost this illusion of a life that you had built and who you thought you were. So maybe, just maybe, if you're at this point in your life, maybe you get to build something real from now on. So that's what I got for you for today's episode. If you love this episode, please share it on your Instagram stories. Tag me at robdialjr, R-O-B-D-I-A-L-J-R. And if you love this podcast and want to learn more about coaching with me outside of this podcast, go ahead and go to the website, coachwithrob.com. There's information there for you to learn about coaching with me. Once again, coachwithrob.com. And with that, I'm gonna leave it the same way I leave you every single episode. Make it your mission to make somebody else's day better. I appreciate you and I hope that you have an amazing day.