transcript

Speaker 1:
[00:00] The 93X half-assed morning show.

Speaker 2:
[00:10] And it again, Cubby, one more time. Ah, I love that, and we hear you. It's gotta be a sleepy crowd out there. Oh, a little bit sepies. Late night last night for you jock-huffers. Two late playoff games. One for the Pigs, one for the Timberwolves, one went one way, one went the other. Good morning.

Speaker 3:
[00:36] Morning.

Speaker 2:
[00:37] We're feeling it, by damn, we are. And we'll cover all that nonsense. We'll cover all of what happened last night, later on this morning, but I think it's only right to acknowledge how a lot of us might be acting a little nuts. Please go away, let me sleep for the love of God! Yeah, we might be acting a little iffy this morning, from a lack of rest. Jesus. Welcome to the show. Oh, Christ, what do we got going on later? Company?

Speaker 3:
[01:12] Yeah, a lot of company today.

Speaker 2:
[01:14] Dr. P. Jesus, C. Willie Miziles, and then someone's going to have to stay on my ass about our concert announcement at 8 o'clock this morning, because I will eff this up if you allow me to. I'll eff this up.

Speaker 3:
[01:31] I made a little note.

Speaker 2:
[01:32] Did you?

Speaker 3:
[01:33] And so we'll be good, I think.

Speaker 2:
[01:36] Give me the signal. That's all you got to do at 8 AM. If it appears like I'm not following, give me the signal. Yeah, we got to let you in on a show coming to town at 8 o'clock. A hint for you, in case you don't already know. This one's for the hardcore, son.

Speaker 3:
[01:58] It'll be too loud, but I think it'll be worth it.

Speaker 2:
[02:02] This one's for the hard nuts. This show ain't got no room for posers.

Speaker 4:
[02:10] Must be Captain Geech and the Shrimp Shack Shooters then.

Speaker 3:
[02:13] They're opening. We're allowed to give that information out. That's not the headliner, though.

Speaker 2:
[02:17] We'll tell you all about it at 8 o'clock.

Speaker 3:
[02:19] I wanted to tell you guys about my entertaining drive through St. Paul yesterday. When we left here, it totally slipped my mind. It was 420, which was probably in effect of the marijuana. But on my way home...

Speaker 4:
[02:31] Yeah, you did do a lot of marijuana yesterday, Josh.

Speaker 3:
[02:33] I had three whole marihuanas.

Speaker 5:
[02:34] You did, yeah.

Speaker 3:
[02:36] On my way home, I saw a guy dressed like a marijuana plant waving at traffic, and for whatever reason, he put me in an incredible mood.

Speaker 2:
[02:43] Who's having a mattress sale?

Speaker 6:
[02:44] I don't know what was going on.

Speaker 3:
[02:46] I don't know that there's a dispensary or anything right around there, but there was like a couple of food trucks, and I'm not sure what the businesses were behind it. I couldn't really see past those food trucks, but I've never noticed it. I drive by there twice a day. I've never noticed one there.

Speaker 2:
[02:59] The easy answer would be a dispensary.

Speaker 3:
[03:01] That's my guess.

Speaker 2:
[03:02] Is advertising their goods a mattress sale or a bank grand opening?

Speaker 3:
[03:09] I'm going to guess not those last two.

Speaker 2:
[03:11] You don't think it would be?

Speaker 3:
[03:11] Because of the marijuana plant. But it took me a second. I'm like, what's that giant tree monster? And realized as I got closer, that guy's just a big weed. That was pretty good. So whoever's doing that on Snelling Avenue yesterday, nice work.

Speaker 2:
[03:25] He waved to you and it made your morning.

Speaker 3:
[03:27] Oh, he was so enthusiastic out there. You know, he's probably high.

Speaker 2:
[03:30] Hooray! Illegal drugs, he was saying.

Speaker 3:
[03:33] Yeah, it was cool.

Speaker 2:
[03:35] Dangerous illegal drugs. Was that what he was hollering?

Speaker 3:
[03:38] I don't know. I couldn't hear him.

Speaker 2:
[03:40] I'm glad you enjoyed it. I'm surprised you didn't pull over and try to get to know this individual a little better.

Speaker 3:
[03:46] Yeah, it was pretty busy. And there was a couple of food trucks, or some sort of big food truck looking things. It was tough to tell. I'm sure they're there for munchies or whatever.

Speaker 2:
[03:55] Oh, that's great.

Speaker 3:
[03:56] By the way, everybody knows this concert. That's how it goes nowadays. People texting in, they know exactly the announcement.

Speaker 2:
[04:02] I don't care. I don't care at all. I'm just going to do what we got to do. Because I'll tell you this, Cubby, if we surprise one person, that's good enough for me. That's worth it for me. One sorry swinging D. If we surprise one of them, I'm good with that.

Speaker 3:
[04:21] I'm someone who likes to wait for the gift or something. My wife is the opposite. I just had my birthday a month ago.

Speaker 2:
[04:29] Happy birthday.

Speaker 3:
[04:30] Oh, thank you very much, finally. She'll say, hey, I got your gift for next year. Do you want it? Or Christmas, Christmas is coming up in a couple of weeks. Do you want your gift? She can't wait to receive or give gifts. I'm the opposite. I'm like, no, I'll wait for Christmas.

Speaker 4:
[04:45] Yeah, I can't wait. Yeah, I'm the same way.

Speaker 3:
[04:48] Are you guys really?

Speaker 4:
[04:49] I'm actually in your life.

Speaker 3:
[04:50] So if I wouldn't Google it, meaning if I heard, oh, there's a concert announcement coming up, I like to wait for that. That's suspense. Although it doesn't exist anymore. I figured, you know, it's kind of like, hey, we have this great announcement and people like, yeah, we heard about it on Facebook yesterday, douchebag, that kind of thing.

Speaker 2:
[05:07] So you're the type that you can still get excited about little things like this.

Speaker 3:
[05:13] Oh, definitely.

Speaker 2:
[05:14] All right, good. We need more people out there like you. 8 a.m. That's the time to talk about this concert. Somebody's going to get their ass kicked. That's my prediction about this concert, somebody.

Speaker 3:
[05:30] Willingly so, I bet. I bet they'll be into it. Like, that's the type of show you're like, kick my ass so I get the full experience.

Speaker 2:
[05:40] It'll be a little older crowd, but still, someone's going to get their ass kicked. All right, speaking of all these effing ball games, the playoffs and such, there are much easier, less stressful competitions out there for regular folks to enjoy. You don't got to be a billion dollar athlete. You don't got to be 7'4. You don't have to be gifted athletically. All kinds of competitions that we regular folks can get involved in. Now, maybe this is old news. It all sounds very hip and social media-y. So, I'm probably the last guy in town to have heard about this. Because I'm not dialed into that scene. Did you know that folks are out there playing competitive rock, paper, by god scissors? That's fun.

Speaker 3:
[06:37] I think we've even talked about that.

Speaker 4:
[06:39] Sounds like something from the Ocho.

Speaker 3:
[06:42] It does. I agree with you, Ashley. It sounds fun for maybe five minutes or so, watching something like that. Maybe being a part of it's more interesting.

Speaker 5:
[06:50] That's what I mostly meant was participating.

Speaker 3:
[06:53] Because you pictures like the Ocho and stuff, I do get excited for these silly things and realize, I'm pretty good. I saw it now.

Speaker 4:
[06:59] There's a reason why it's on once a year.

Speaker 2:
[07:01] I sure as hell couldn't watch it. As a spectator sport, I was more directly talking about competing. Competitive Rock Paper Scissors, so some of you knew that, some of you did not. Did you know that at least one of these Rock Paper F Me Running Scissors Contests dangled a $10,000 prize to the winner?

Speaker 3:
[07:27] That's crazy.

Speaker 2:
[07:29] 10 grand.

Speaker 5:
[07:32] That ain't bad.

Speaker 2:
[07:33] No, hell no, that ain't bad. I think even the second place winner even took home, I don't know, $5,500.

Speaker 3:
[07:42] Ashley, you're into competitive, like, billiards, right? Are you still doing that?

Speaker 5:
[07:48] Yeah.

Speaker 3:
[07:48] What's the biggest prize for an event you've ever seen?

Speaker 5:
[07:52] Oh, God, probably around the same.

Speaker 3:
[07:55] 10,000?

Speaker 5:
[07:56] About 10 grand, yeah.

Speaker 3:
[07:57] Oh, wow.

Speaker 5:
[07:58] Jesus.

Speaker 3:
[07:59] Just like at a local bar?

Speaker 5:
[08:01] I guess in a roundabout way, yeah. Is it like a big, like, end of the year thing?

Speaker 2:
[08:07] You have played in a tournament?

Speaker 5:
[08:09] No, I have not. Oh.

Speaker 2:
[08:11] I was going to say, hell, me and some pals play for money on Saturday nights. And if you have a great night, you might bring home $35.

Speaker 5:
[08:21] Yeah.

Speaker 2:
[08:23] $10,000 for the competitive Rock, Paper, Scissors tournament. 384 people turned out. It was a three-day event. Now, according to history, when's the last time, Josh, we played a little game of in the history now.

Speaker 3:
[08:46] Too long.

Speaker 2:
[08:46] Long time. According to history, the game of rock, paper, scissors dates back to ancient China. You want to know the most common strategy. What's the proper word, Josh?

Speaker 3:
[09:00] Strategy?

Speaker 2:
[09:02] What was your strategy in Rock, Paper, Scissors?

Speaker 5:
[09:05] Is it to use Rock first?

Speaker 2:
[09:07] No strategy at all.

Speaker 5:
[09:09] Oh.

Speaker 2:
[09:09] Yeah.

Speaker 5:
[09:10] I always thought there was one.

Speaker 3:
[09:12] I'd heard paper first. And then there's like, depending on what your opponent does, there's certain rules on what you're supposed to do next.

Speaker 2:
[09:23] That was at least the most common strategy for the competitors in this tournament. They were asked, what did you do? Did you start with the this? Did you go with the that? They said, most of them said, no strategy at all.

Speaker 3:
[09:35] I would think if you're with people that are, I'm guessing, pretty good, that's probably the best way to go. Because everybody's heard the strategies before.

Speaker 2:
[09:44] A 29-year-old guy who, during the day, is a veterinary assistant, a 29-year-old guy who works as a vets assistant, he's the lucky dick who walked away with 10 grand.

Speaker 3:
[09:58] I agree with Hillman Welder, Jesus. He's saying what would make it more interesting is that they used actual rock, papers and scissors. That would, now I'd watch that a little longer than five minutes.

Speaker 2:
[10:11] Oh, man.

Speaker 3:
[10:12] Boy, I'll tell you what. Over the years, solved a lot of arguments with rock, paper, scissors.

Speaker 2:
[10:17] You did?

Speaker 3:
[10:18] Yeah, growing up with a big family, who got the last ice cream cone or whatever it was, a lot of rock, paper, scissors.

Speaker 2:
[10:24] That's really interesting to me because I always thought of this as kind of like a television thing or I never really, I never watched this happen ever in my life. We did not get involved in rock, paper, scissors. I always just thought it was something I'd see in movies and television. So it's cool to meet somebody who actually has been on the ground floor and played the game.

Speaker 3:
[10:48] Oh, yeah. Plenty of times.

Speaker 2:
[10:51] Well, to make you feel better, Josh, there are a couple of listeners who have texted in this morning to say they have zero idea what concert we'll be announcing at 8 a.m. There's drunk uncle firefighter Jesus. He said, I'm wide awake and patiently awaiting the concert announcement.

Speaker 3:
[11:09] I like that. It's a shared experience. I miss the shared experiences.

Speaker 2:
[11:13] Always tired southern Minnesota welder Jesus. He says, I have no idea the concert that will be announced, so he'll be here for you.

Speaker 3:
[11:24] And then, how good, sorry, I'm thinking more about this rock paper scissors.

Speaker 2:
[11:28] Yeah.

Speaker 3:
[11:29] I wonder how good the judges are. Like, if I were to slightly wait to see if I could tell what your hand's doing, would they pick up on that immediately?

Speaker 2:
[11:38] I'm glad you brought that up because I read more of this article than a normal human being should have, right? I read this article about competitive rock paper scissors. And I went deeper than I even thought I could. I surprised myself. There is a judge that stands right there with every matchup. And if somebody, they want that sumbitch to be simultaneous. And if somebody does pop a little early, and don't get cute with that, they'll make the competitors start all over again. It's got to be bing, bing, bing on the nuts. The timing has to be right. There is a judge who watches over the whole schmear.

Speaker 3:
[12:24] I'm assuming we watched the same video from this article.

Speaker 2:
[12:27] I didn't watch any video.

Speaker 3:
[12:28] Oh, you didn't watch the video?

Speaker 2:
[12:29] No.

Speaker 3:
[12:29] The judge is looking very closely. He's kind of almost like bent over, you know, like really paying attention. He's really staring at this thing.

Speaker 5:
[12:38] Is it that serious?

Speaker 2:
[12:39] Yeah, he's just looking at the hands. Oh yeah. Right? Is it a seventh grader?

Speaker 3:
[12:44] Oh, he was an adult.

Speaker 2:
[12:45] Okay.

Speaker 3:
[12:45] It was a lot of it. It's like, you know, people, bar-aged people, like your typical college crowd.

Speaker 2:
[12:51] Hell, that's cool. They've got, it's cool they've got 384 people that would show up for that. I wouldn't, but it's cool that they have it.

Speaker 4:
[12:59] For 10 grand, you wouldn't show up?

Speaker 2:
[13:01] Probably not, no.

Speaker 3:
[13:02] People are holding up signs. I mean, the crowd was really into it.

Speaker 2:
[13:06] Let's go, scissors. What are they? But it's also really, I mean, maybe cool isn't the word, but interesting to me that they have a serious group of officials who would dedicate their day to making sure.

Speaker 5:
[13:22] Yeah, do they have to go to training for this?

Speaker 2:
[13:25] Now, 10 grand wouldn't be enough for me to show up at a rock, paper, scissors tournament. If it was something insane, a million dollars, yeah, I would give it my best shot.

Speaker 6:
[13:34] Scissor me, Daddy Ass!

Speaker 2:
[13:37] My god, I haven't thought about those boys in years. Oh, they were funny. What the hell were they called?

Speaker 3:
[13:42] The Acclaimed?

Speaker 2:
[13:43] The Acclaimed, oh my god. I used to watch those. They were hilarious. Scissor me, Daddy Ass. And then we could go down this route when it comes to off the beaten path type competitions. You don't have to be watching the NBA until 1 o'clock in the morning. You don't have to be watching the NHL until 1130 at night to get your fix of competitions. This is not for the average schmuck. You got to be pert near a genius for this. I saw a video yesterday of a robot running a half marathon against humans.

Speaker 3:
[14:27] Usain Volt. That's the internet joke about this guy.

Speaker 5:
[14:30] That's great. The cute little guy.

Speaker 7:
[14:34] You prick.

Speaker 2:
[14:36] You had to come at me with the Usain Volt.

Speaker 5:
[14:39] This was, sorry.

Speaker 2:
[14:40] It's freaky to watch, isn't it? Oh, yeah. Is it not freaky?

Speaker 4:
[14:44] Oh, any time I see those robots do anything these days, those super advanced ones, it's like, all right, well, James Cameron kind of predicted this with the Terminator. Now we're all dead.

Speaker 3:
[14:53] The karate robots rule. Those ones were awesome.

Speaker 2:
[14:57] What were you saying, Ashley?

Speaker 5:
[14:58] This is on the website. It's on 93x.com.

Speaker 2:
[15:00] The robot defeating all the humans in the half marathon?

Speaker 5:
[15:04] Super cool.

Speaker 2:
[15:07] Oh, God. Yeah, check that out. Some bitch, what did he eat? He beat every human being by an hour and a half or something.

Speaker 3:
[15:21] His little legs.

Speaker 2:
[15:22] It wasn't even close. It wasn't even frigging close. All right. Yeah, a humanoid robot, they call it. He won a half marathon in Beijing, China. What else is going on? I wasn't sure I was going to be able to work today.

Speaker 5:
[15:46] Why?

Speaker 2:
[15:47] Yesterday afternoon, the dentist office in my neighborhood, the entire staff of the dentist office, every one of them had a poke at me. They bombed my mouth like I was Angela White at the dentist office yesterday.

Speaker 5:
[16:07] Do you have a cavity or something?

Speaker 2:
[16:08] No, I've never had a cavity.

Speaker 3:
[16:10] I'll show you a cavity.

Speaker 5:
[16:11] Me either.

Speaker 2:
[16:12] Cleanest yap in the county.

Speaker 5:
[16:14] Cool Kids Club.

Speaker 3:
[16:16] I've only had a half cavity. I was so glad because my wife gets some impeccable oral hygiene. I brush once a day. Although I got into flossing lately thanks to dental babe, Sheezus. Now I'm doing that, not every day, but pretty close. Good. I've never had one and they said, oh, you got one that might be starting here. I was happy because I could finally tell my wife, now I have kind of one because it wasn't really fair. I felt bad. And I think it kind of pissed her off a little bit.

Speaker 2:
[16:45] I wasn't sure I was going to be able to talk coherently on the program this morning because of the oral bombing that I took yesterday at the dentist's office. How many of you is out there have, or Josh, you're one, have received a crown? Is that what I call it?

Speaker 3:
[17:02] Yeah.

Speaker 5:
[17:03] Oh, I heard that those are painful.

Speaker 2:
[17:05] Both my front teeth, the two. Front chiclets there. They crowned their ass yesterday and after it was over with, my front teeth felt so oversized and I was still so numbed up by the, I don't know, 37 shots of Novacaine that I took to my gum line, which is a lot of laughs for everybody involved. I didn't know if I, I thought I would go on the air sounding like Bugs F'n Bunny, but the things straighten themselves out. That was a friggin, that was a poke, Cubby.

Speaker 3:
[17:45] I was telling you off air, I had the same thing where they made them a little too big and it affected my speech.

Speaker 2:
[17:50] Yeah.

Speaker 3:
[17:51] Where I had, they had to shave them down a little bit to make it better, but I had to relearn how to talk. I mean, it changed the way, like especially S's and T's and things like that were a lot different.

Speaker 2:
[18:04] FU. Jesus texted in, top or bottom? Top. My two front teeth are now at least temporarily crowned and then I go in in a few days and they permanently crown them. I'm not entirely sure how to speak this language, but it was a train wreck. That dentist was leaning all of his weight into that driller. It was like a power sander.

Speaker 3:
[18:30] Oh, yeah. And then the burning smell and then the light show with the laser guns and all that kind of stuff.

Speaker 2:
[18:38] God help us. I didn't think I was going to be able to make it out of there in one piece.

Speaker 3:
[18:44] So, you got to go back. They did a good job. You would ask me if I noticed when you walked in. I wouldn't be able to tell at all had you not said something. Even now, I mean, it's tough to tell.

Speaker 2:
[18:54] Yeah, it looks pretty good. At first, I thought, oh, that doesn't really, but I guess it does look. Problem was, I guess, my first, my two front teeth were falling apart on me. They were about ready to give way.

Speaker 5:
[19:10] Oh, you don't want that. No.

Speaker 2:
[19:12] So, it was presented to me like this, 10 grand for implants or 1,200 bucks or something like that. Half of that is covered by insurance for these crowns. Yeah, it wasn't that long ago. It wasn't that long ago. I was just kind of checking myself out in the mirror in the morning. I think I had just got done brushing my yapper. And I felt a little something in my mouth, a little piece of something. I thought maybe a bristle from my toothbrush had fallen off or it was like a dried chunk of toothpaste. No, it was a piece of my tooth.

Speaker 5:
[19:55] Oh, that's so scary.

Speaker 2:
[19:57] A piece of my tooth just broke off. So I guess they got her done. Now they fixed it. The doctor said, what do you call them again? The dentist said, don't be bobbing for apples or anything in the next few days.

Speaker 3:
[20:08] Oh, you got to be careful with those.

Speaker 2:
[20:08] He said, we're not done yet.

Speaker 4:
[20:11] Yeah, don't go eat some ribs or something like that.

Speaker 3:
[20:13] I had one chip quite easily on me. So yeah, but that was so long ago. I'm sure the technology is incredible at this point.

Speaker 2:
[20:21] They told me my two front teeth had about a week to live. So they had to fix them. Did they close the gap, a listener asked? No. That was an option. But my wife told the dentist, don't you close that frigging gap. Because that's part of what makes me so sexy, she says.

Speaker 3:
[20:45] Yeah, you got like a Madonna thing going on. It's hot stuff.

Speaker 2:
[20:51] She's known me for 38, 39 years. She said, I'm not going to, how am I supposed to talk to you with a straight face if you don't have a frigging gap?

Speaker 3:
[20:58] That would be kind of weird. It would take an adjustment to get used to it.

Speaker 2:
[21:01] God dang it, I should have filled the gap.

Speaker 3:
[21:03] You might still be able to.

Speaker 2:
[21:04] Just to walk in and you guys would go, what the hell is this? Everybody I know would say, what, what?

Speaker 3:
[21:10] When did George Clooney start working here?

Speaker 5:
[21:13] Would you just like add a tooth in there?

Speaker 2:
[21:16] You'd damn near have to. I don't know if they've got enough material in the back to fill this gap scheme.

Speaker 5:
[21:21] Coming with braces?

Speaker 2:
[21:24] I came close when I was a kid. Well, came close meaning I brought it up to my parents and they told me no, that's as close as it. I brought it up to my folks a couple of times, get me some braces or have a procedure like I had yesterday to close the gap. And of course my folks said, does it cost more than $1? And I said, yes. And they said, are you Steve Born? And I said, no, I'm his twin brother. And they said, well, then no.

Speaker 5:
[21:51] Ah, sorry.

Speaker 2:
[21:52] Which one are you? Are you Steve? No. Well, then we're not going to do the procedure. If you were Steve, we would.

Speaker 5:
[21:58] I didn't even ask my parents. It was just implied, I guess. At a certain age, they were like, yep, now it's time for you to get braces. And I was like, ah, that sucks. I did not want that. But I only got like my top four front teeth for my braces. So it wasn't like the whole entire situation.

Speaker 3:
[22:16] I had braces, but I had to wait until I was old enough to pay for them myself. And so I got them when I was 21, which is exactly when you want to get braces, when you first start going to the bars and stuff.

Speaker 5:
[22:27] How long did you have them for?

Speaker 3:
[22:30] Maybe about two years, I think.

Speaker 4:
[22:33] So uncomfortable talking to an adult with braces.

Speaker 5:
[22:35] Did you have a...

Speaker 3:
[22:36] I'm sorry I made you uncomfortable.

Speaker 5:
[22:38] Did you have a headgear? No, no. I would have... me and my brother both wore a headgear at night. It was so weird and so ugly, but I heard they don't do those anymore.

Speaker 4:
[22:48] I've made some advancements.

Speaker 3:
[22:49] Yeah, I'll tell you what, I don't know what's worse at that time. I got the clear ones, but it more just made my teeth look dirty. Like they look like something is on them.

Speaker 4:
[23:01] I had the clear ones too, Josh, and I regret I should have just got the regular braces. Don't try to hide it. Just, yep, I got braces.

Speaker 5:
[23:08] Yeah, one of the coolest parts of getting braces, if you get the normal ones, is you get to choose what color you want in your braces every, I don't know, every other month.

Speaker 3:
[23:17] I think if you're at the eight, like a middle school or whenever they usually do them, everybody else has braces, so it's not as big a deal.

Speaker 2:
[23:24] Right, when you're 21, 31, 41.

Speaker 5:
[23:27] And you got to pay the bill.

Speaker 2:
[23:28] Of course, junior high, yeah, every swing and dee. Here's a question texted in from Local34Jesus about my procedure yesterday where my two front teeth were crowned. Are your two front teeth as white as Donny's in the Wolf of Wall Street? I don't know the reference, but no, they did. I was worried about that too, because the rest of my teeth are pretty much tombstones, right?

Speaker 5:
[23:51] Yeah, they color match.

Speaker 2:
[23:52] They do, they match up, though they didn't make them overly white. That was a fear of mine. No, they match up the color as best.

Speaker 5:
[23:59] That was hilarious.

Speaker 3:
[24:00] Have you gone to the people that make it yet, make your new teeth?

Speaker 2:
[24:03] Oh, no. Am I supposed to go somewhere now?

Speaker 3:
[24:06] Well, I did, and they go and they measure the color temperature of your teeth and all that kind of stuff, and they match it up perfectly.

Speaker 2:
[24:13] From what I understand, Cubby, they're doing that gimmick at another building. I'm due back at the same dentist office here in five, six days for the permanent final final, but you went to a different building for that.

Speaker 3:
[24:27] Different place, the place that manufactures them. It's kind of cool. The guy gave me a tour and showed me how they do it, and there's just a bunch of people making perfect teeth for folks.

Speaker 2:
[24:35] Mediocre Machinist Jesus texted in to say he's 28 years old. He hasn't been to the dentist since he was 13. He says, I'm going in this Friday for a couple of five fillings that I need. I am getting anxious as all balls as the days near. I hate the dentist, he says. Yeah, hell, there's a lot of yous out there. I was nervous about it too after not going to the dentist for 20 years. This is three, four years ago. I finally went back to the dentist after 20 years. I was nervous about it too. You're going to be fine. But I get it. A lot of folks are real anxious about that scene. I'm actually pretty relaxed over there now. I don't really get too nervous about anything.

Speaker 3:
[25:20] Same here. And I feel for folks that are very apprehensive about it or get uncomfortable. I mean, they have that sedation dentistry. There's a place by me that that's the majority of what they do.

Speaker 2:
[25:30] You walk in, they hit you in the... As you're saying, hello, I have a three o'clock. They hit you in the jugular with a trank dart. You see stars, you feel warm, and then you wake up and the procedure is over. You feel a little bit of warm. Before you pass out, you feel very warm.

Speaker 3:
[25:47] And just like being mugged in a similar situation, you wake up and you have a lot less money than before you passed out. But this is more legit.

Speaker 2:
[25:56] Um, yeah, I mean, the 37 direct needles to my gum line was not altogether comfortable yesterday. It was not. But, you know, my toes curl a little bit. I don't know. I'm able to keep my composure over there. No, I didn't take any nitrous. We all know the glory of nitrous.

Speaker 3:
[26:21] Oh, yeah. If I was ever going to be addicted to something, that stuff is incredibly awesome.

Speaker 4:
[26:26] I've never had that. It's good stuff, though.

Speaker 3:
[26:28] Oh, yeah. The laughing gas?

Speaker 8:
[26:30] Yeah.

Speaker 5:
[26:30] Yeah, I've never had it either, Dana.

Speaker 2:
[26:31] Dana, it'll part your hair.

Speaker 3:
[26:33] Yeah. Be careful.

Speaker 8:
[26:35] All right.

Speaker 4:
[26:35] Well, I know what I'm doing this afternoon.

Speaker 3:
[26:36] Why jokingly asked my dentist a couple of times ago, like, hey, can you hit me up with some of that stuff? And she's like, oh, do you get a little apprehensive? Yeah, we can give you some. And I had to think about it for a second. Like, no, forget it. I'm fine.

Speaker 2:
[26:48] One of our listeners says about a past dental experience he had. He said, is it bad when you wake up and your underwears are on backwards?

Speaker 4:
[26:56] Depends on the hotness of the dentist.

Speaker 2:
[26:59] No, it's bad. Yeah, it's altogether bad.

Speaker 3:
[27:02] Backdoor slamming walleye Jesus said, braces on ladies, sexy as hell, he says.

Speaker 2:
[27:08] Well, everybody's got their damn thing. All right, still a little tender up here, Josh. Right up here, my teeth here. Yeah. A little tender from yesterday. They gave me a beating.

Speaker 3:
[27:23] Yeah, they work you pretty good.

Speaker 2:
[27:25] But the dentist said there's only one way to find out if he did a good job. Get over here and punch me in the face. Bring it Cubby. Hit me with everything you got. Like that 55-year-old dude who knocked you unconscious when you were 11.

Speaker 3:
[27:40] Yeah, he was like an idiot.

Speaker 2:
[27:41] Come over here and give me the good stuff.

Speaker 3:
[27:43] Makes it worse. I'm going to guess that guy was almost 80 years old.

Speaker 2:
[27:49] Punched you right in the side of the head.

Speaker 3:
[27:50] And I had nothing. He sucker punched me and I had nothing to do with it. Soft ass.

Speaker 5:
[27:53] Should have just pushed him over.

Speaker 3:
[27:54] My friend John should have took the punch.

Speaker 5:
[27:56] Stupid John.

Speaker 2:
[27:57] Sissy ass Josh goes down instead of fighting back.

Speaker 3:
[28:00] I don't like the description of me there, but was it going to punch an 80-year-old guy?

Speaker 4:
[28:07] World War II vet.

Speaker 2:
[28:08] Why not? He attacked you.

Speaker 3:
[28:11] He probably served our... Trust me, I wanted to.

Speaker 2:
[28:14] All of his past accolades go out the window when an 80-year-old punches an 11-year-old. I have nothing but respect for my elders, but I don't care who you are, you punch an 11-year-old in the face, he should have gotten some of that back.

Speaker 3:
[28:29] I get pretty decent at controlling my temper, and I did throw my bike. I had all this anger and energy, and I wanted to take it out on the guy, and I realized, and his wife's crying. I mean, it was such a bad situation.

Speaker 5:
[28:44] That's so ridiculous.

Speaker 2:
[28:45] You should have given him some of that back.

Speaker 3:
[28:47] Basically, we were biking through a parking lot of an old folks' home. We used to bike everywhere, and this guy didn't like it, and he came over and talked to me and three of my friends, and I was standing right next to the old guy. He was a little bit behind. Now I know.

Speaker 2:
[28:59] Who are you doing?

Speaker 3:
[28:59] Don't let an old guy take a tactical position on you.

Speaker 2:
[29:02] Riding around on those bicycles.

Speaker 4:
[29:04] Get off my lawn.

Speaker 3:
[29:05] A buddy of mine was very lippy, and I was even saying, all right, let's just go. What's the big deal? We don't have to yell at this guy.

Speaker 4:
[29:12] Let's go.

Speaker 3:
[29:13] And all of a sudden, I saw stars. It was like the movies. I'm looking around. This was pre-Chris Tucker. Which one of y'all kicked me? That's the situation.

Speaker 2:
[29:21] Man.

Speaker 3:
[29:22] Oh, man. That was difficult to hold on to the rage there.

Speaker 2:
[29:26] He kicked your ass.

Speaker 5:
[29:27] Why is his wife crying? Because he's the one that's punching kids.

Speaker 2:
[29:31] That's why she's crying.

Speaker 3:
[29:32] Yeah, I think she wasn't happy with his response. She was worried about what we were going to do.

Speaker 2:
[29:37] She's been dealing with him for 65 years, that guy.

Speaker 5:
[29:40] I would leave.

Speaker 2:
[29:41] We started off.

Speaker 3:
[29:42] I still feel it every once in a while.

Speaker 2:
[29:44] Well, we didn't start off, but dental procedures have been part of our conversation. We got to get the hell out of here, but I just got a text here from Johnny Bravo Jesus. He might be due for a visit to the dentist. A few years have gone by, he says. Josh, he says he's noticed that the coloring of his teeth, it's getting kind of butterscotch-y at this point. He's wondering if maybe he's, yeah, butterscotch isn't really the color that we're all going for. I mean, I can relate. So maybe you want to make a telephone call. Okay, look, again, our guest this morning, we believe we're going to see Dr. James Parnell a little bit later, Dr. P. Jesus, and then see Willie Miles. 8 AM, we have a concert announcement for you. We'll take a break and come back with the Stupid News Report here in a few minutes.

Speaker 8:
[30:39] Stupid News on the Half-Assed Morning Show.

Speaker 2:
[30:50] Word up. Yeah, we got to talking earlier about trips to the dentist office. I had to go there yesterday for a smooth two hours.

Speaker 5:
[31:06] Oh, that's a long time ago.

Speaker 2:
[31:07] Oh yeah, it was a poke. It was a poke ski. I took an oral pounding. They crowned a couple of my teeth, these two sum bitches right in the front. They crowned them. So we got to talking about trips to the dentist. Teeth, here's a listener who texted in and said this now. He texted in and said, speaking of teeth, chicklets, I just found a mouth guard like you might wear playing a game of hockey or football. He said, I just found a mouth guard on the ground at the car wash. I wonder if it will fit me.

Speaker 3:
[31:50] I guess there's one way to find out.

Speaker 2:
[31:53] Don't do that. That's from Streaks for Weeks, Window Washing by Damn Jesus. Lucky day for him, found a mouth guard.

Speaker 3:
[32:03] Some of those can be kind of expensive if you have the custom ones made.

Speaker 2:
[32:07] Oh, custom mouth guards?

Speaker 3:
[32:08] Yeah.

Speaker 2:
[32:09] I hear you.

Speaker 3:
[32:10] You got some dental work they got to work around.

Speaker 5:
[32:12] Gosh, for some reason that always annoyed me, like when my parents had to boil the mouth guard for my brother, because I couldn't use the stove at that time because they didn't want me to burn myself. It just always pissed me off.

Speaker 2:
[32:25] You couldn't give your parents and your brother five minutes on the stove?

Speaker 5:
[32:28] It felt like it took forever. I don't know why. I remember that being so inconvenient.

Speaker 2:
[32:33] What the hell is the matter with you? All right, sons of bitches, what can we do here? We can go headlong into the stupid news report. F'ing strippers, man. They deal with so many J-Brones. I love strippers.

Speaker 5:
[32:56] I don't know how they do it. That would drive me crazy having to deal with A-holes.

Speaker 3:
[33:00] I think any customer service job would be tough, especially nowadays, it seems. But yeah, especially the stripper thing. Sorry for saying especially so many times.

Speaker 2:
[33:09] You add liquor and cocaine and confidence and yeah, I don't know how that like the rest of you. I don't know how the hell the strippers deal with all the J-Brones.

Speaker 4:
[33:21] I agree. I've been asked many times to perform as a stripper. I just couldn't put up with it. I just say no.

Speaker 3:
[33:28] And you know what? Tassels look terrible on you.

Speaker 4:
[33:31] They do. They do.

Speaker 2:
[33:32] There's the drunk J-Brone. There's the high roller big shot douchebag J-Brone. How about the J-Brone that can't keep his filthy hands to himself? The dancing girls, the strippers, I know some of you are probably saying, well, they make a lot of money. And that's great. I just don't know how they can be so patient. If I were a stripper, I'd end up karate kicking a dude in the jaw with those big eight inch heels, Cubby.

Speaker 3:
[34:02] Yep. I wouldn't ever ask. It's a rude question. But I've heard some of those strippers can make a few grand a weekend. That's awesome.

Speaker 2:
[34:11] Good for them.

Speaker 3:
[34:11] This is not the first time I wished I was a hot chick. I don't know if I'd ever have the courage to get up there and do that, but a few grand a weekend?

Speaker 2:
[34:19] I'd take that eight inch high heel there on my sexy foot and wha-pah, I would. And I'd look hot doing it, too. I'd kick a dude right in the jaw. So here's a deal for you. It's a video, and it's going round and round. And this is effin bizarre. Frightening, as well. Something out of the far southeastern United States. At a boom boom room down that way, a full on stinking lunatic walked into the nudie bar, and it turned out very, very weird. So the whole story is like this here. Jay Brown comes into the topless joint. Later on, everyone found out he's a 44-year-old feller called Jeffrey. So he dangled there for a little while. Got a lap dance over here. He got a lap dance over there. And then he left. A few hours later, Jabroni comes back into the bar. But he was looking a little different than before. This time, he's not wearing a shirt.

Speaker 3:
[35:40] It's a bad sign. That is a bad sign.

Speaker 2:
[35:43] He's no longer wearing a shirt. He's got a mask over his mug and a hat on top of his dome. Okay. He walks in. He grabs one of the strippers by her hairdo. He pulls a pair of scissors out of his pocket. And he cuts a big pile of hair out of the gal's noggin. And then he ran like the wind.

Speaker 3:
[36:12] I mean, this is like a suicide by security guard situation. You're going to get killed at one of those places.

Speaker 2:
[36:18] This guy got out of there without being touched.

Speaker 3:
[36:23] Have you ever scissored a stripper?

Speaker 2:
[36:25] This is on video. I'm sorry, what was the question?

Speaker 3:
[36:27] Have you ever scissored a stripper in your day? Like this guy did?

Speaker 2:
[36:32] Similar.

Speaker 3:
[36:33] Yeah. Can I? Question. Yes. You've told the story about the lady who asked you to help her groom. Was she a stripper, the lady who you helped groom?

Speaker 2:
[36:46] She was not a stripper.

Speaker 3:
[36:49] Ah, dang it.

Speaker 2:
[36:52] But she was involved in gymnastics.

Speaker 3:
[36:54] Oh, that's pretty cool.

Speaker 2:
[36:56] That's hot. Oh, you're telling me.

Speaker 3:
[36:59] People seem to like that.

Speaker 2:
[37:02] So, dude walks in, he's got no shirt on, he's got a mask on his face, he grabs a lady, a professional dancer, pulls the scissors out of his pocket, cuts her hairdo loose, stuffs the hair, I forgot to mention this part, he stuffed the hair and the scissors back into his pocket.

Speaker 4:
[37:22] Oh, he kept the hair?

Speaker 2:
[37:23] Yeah.

Speaker 5:
[37:24] Oh, that's the whole point.

Speaker 2:
[37:25] And he ran like a son of a bitch.

Speaker 5:
[37:27] He needs it for later.

Speaker 3:
[37:30] I need this.

Speaker 2:
[37:31] Naturally, the stripper who got attacked by this whack bag was terrified, terrified. The police were called and they found psycho balls, Jeffrey, a few miles from the club, walking down the road like the sad ass maniac that he is. Just a walking down the road. The club, of course, knew his name and address and everything because, as you know, he had come into the boom boom room earlier that night. He got a couple of dances and what not, so they had a copy of his driver's license. Of course, Jeffrey was hammered out of his mind and he'd been dumping amphetamines into his system all night as well, and he's all done. The cops dumped aggravated battery charges on him, battery with a deadly weapon, all of that. God help us all. God help the dancing girls.

Speaker 3:
[38:31] No kidding, it does seem like a dangerous job. This guy should go away for a while. Learn his lesson, maybe. A guy like that probably isn't going to learn his lesson.

Speaker 5:
[38:41] No, probably not. I want to know what he was going to do with it.

Speaker 3:
[38:46] The hair?

Speaker 5:
[38:46] Yeah.

Speaker 4:
[38:46] Oh, I bet you could probably guess, Ashley.

Speaker 3:
[38:49] Make a stripper doll at home or something?

Speaker 5:
[38:51] Yeah.

Speaker 3:
[38:51] Develop a relationship, that kind of thing.

Speaker 2:
[38:53] I also agree with Josh. I think he was going to make a stripper doll.

Speaker 5:
[38:57] Like a voodoo doll.

Speaker 2:
[38:59] A voodoo could be part of what he does with the doll. I'm guessing he cuts a hole in that doll. Yeah.

Speaker 3:
[39:07] They all probably have a surprised expression on their face.

Speaker 4:
[39:10] It all comes back to masturbating.

Speaker 2:
[39:13] Yeah.

Speaker 3:
[39:14] A lot of life does. Dana, you lived in basically the Bates Motel there, your room at St. Cloud State, I imagine.

Speaker 4:
[39:25] You're not wrong.

Speaker 2:
[39:27] Again, I feel the need to tell my favorite strip joint story. I think this is my favorite. I mentioned all the different jabronies that strippers have to deal with. The drunk kid who's been 21 for an hour and a half, the big shot douche bag with all the money. Hey, look at me. They come over and see. You better come see me. I'm the guy with the money. You got the guys who can't keep their hands to themselves. I'm at the Bum Bum Room years ago. I'm jaw jacking with the manager because I knew the guy. Here comes a dude who looked like mid-80s Rick Flair. He had a big white hairdo, beautiful, gorgeous hair down to his shoulders, a big oversized pair of kind of hairy carry type glasses. If you're an older person, you know the reference. Charles Nelson Riley would be another if you're an older person. He's got a gorgeous like long mink coat. I mean, this guy presented himself to be the highest roller in town. And apparently he was because the manager says to me, hang on a second, this is one of our big spenders. Let me get this guy settled and then I'll be back in a few minutes. So I watched the manager walk Rick Flair to a VIP booth, sits his carcass down, and then the manager starts waving over all of the girls because this guy is ready to spend a fortune. So the girls are just hammering up and down on this guy for a while. Manager comes back, we start talking again. Maybe 10 minutes in, here comes Rick Flair. And the manager says, what's going on? Woo! And Rick Flair, version two, says, I'm just disappointed. And the manager says, what's the problem? And he says, I don't know. This place, you guys used to treat me well. But now, it's not cutting it for me. The girls, you call these beautiful girls, you call these your varsity strippers? D-bag. You know, I just wanted to come over here and tell you, I don't know, I think I'm done with your place. It's not quite what it used to be. And the manager, I could tell, was upset by this, aggravated by what the guy was saying. But he kept his composure and said, I'm sorry to hear that, Rick Flair, version two. Maybe you'll come back again and we can make it right. So Rick Flair, version two walks out the club. The manager turns to me and says, Jesus, what a prick. And I said, yeah, I don't know how you kept your cool. And he said, ah, there's always gonna be people like that. You can't lose control. Now here comes Rick Flair, version two. He comes back into the club and he says, hey, I bought a $3,000 bottle of champagne over there. I left it over there. And the manager says, yeah. And Rick Flair, version two says, well, I spent $3,000. That's $3,000 of my money. That champagne belongs to me. Can you go fetch it for me? And the manager says, you know what? You're right. Yeah, hang on a second. Goes over and grabs the champagne bottle, brings it over to Rick Flair, version two. And he says, I'll walk you out. I'll walk you out. And again, I'm sorry about everything. Hopefully you'll come back. They get out onto the sidewalk and the manager, instead of handing the bottle to this douchebag, he turns it upside down and pours it on the sidewalk and says, don't ever come back, you friggin douchebag. I thought that was just beautiful.

Speaker 3:
[43:19] That's like out of a movie. That's a cool guy move.

Speaker 2:
[43:21] Should have seen the look on Rick Flair, version two's face as that booze was being poured out onto the sidewalk.

Speaker 4:
[43:27] Get the hell out of here.

Speaker 3:
[43:29] Hairstylist Sheezus said there was a guy in St. Paul who cut off a hotel worker's ponytail back in the early 2000's. He was arrested. Since then, he calls salons saying weird things like, what if I asked you to do something crazy like cut off my wife's hair? And she's pretty sure that he's getting off when he's making those phone calls. The hair thing does, we mentioned before, nudity kind of adds a level of complexity to the person's psyche. Cutting off somebody's hair, that's another pretty big one. You watch enough criminal minds, you realize you're a psychopath or you're doing something like that. 100%.

Speaker 2:
[44:05] Rick Flair, a listener says, more like Prick Flair. You're right, listener, from the 512. Where the hell is that? What's 512?

Speaker 3:
[44:18] Texas, is it not? I have no idea.

Speaker 2:
[44:21] Oh, you're right, it says right here. What the hell are you doing in Texas? Get back to us on this guy with the Prick Flair joke. What are you doing in Texas?

Speaker 3:
[44:31] Right around the Austin area, it says here. Round Rock, San Marcos, Georgetown, Cedar Park.

Speaker 2:
[44:37] Did you take a wrong turn in Albert Lee and you ended up in Austin, Texas?

Speaker 3:
[44:42] You went way too far south, bro.

Speaker 2:
[44:44] Tell me. I know it's none of my business, but I want to know what you're doing. Okay, you've heard stories like this here before. Those wacky dicks who have something like a damn buck knife or a railroad spike buried in their effing cranium for 25 years and they don't even know it?

Speaker 5:
[45:07] I will never understand this.

Speaker 2:
[45:09] They don't remember how it got there. All they know is they've been battling a balls out headache since they were 11 years old or something like that. We hear stories like this now and again. What do you mean I got a railroad spike in my head? So how about this effing guy in China? He is. That's where he's been living. Okay, not to interrupt the story, but the Texas guy got back to me. I've lived in Texas for 20 years, he said. Oh, and he moved back to Minnesota here four years ago, but his cellular telephone still makes it seem like he's coming from Texas. Well, welcome back.

Speaker 3:
[45:47] Glad to have you back.

Speaker 2:
[45:48] Well, let's keep this going just for no good reason. What did you go to Texas for in the frigging first place? Twenty years ago. Tell us that.

Speaker 3:
[45:55] What took so long to text us? You've been here four years. Yeah. I know a few people who have area codes from out of state. Our boss does still.

Speaker 5:
[46:05] I've never noticed that.

Speaker 2:
[46:06] I don't have a boss. What were you doing in Texas? Why did you go there 20 years ago? All right. What was I talking about? The guy in China. Yeah. He's been living in China, and also he's been living for the last eight years with a metal chopstick lodged in his throat.

Speaker 5:
[46:34] Those are big, dude. What?

Speaker 2:
[46:37] The bastard just now finally had the chopstick dragged out of there.

Speaker 3:
[46:43] I'm assuming you saw the X-ray?

Speaker 2:
[46:45] No, I did not.

Speaker 3:
[46:47] I don't understand how this is physically possible to live with for eight minutes.

Speaker 5:
[46:53] He knows that hurt. He knows it.

Speaker 3:
[46:55] Much less eight years.

Speaker 2:
[46:57] It's a six-incher.

Speaker 3:
[46:59] I mean, it's outrageous. Six inches, way too big. I mean, what are you doing with that thing?

Speaker 2:
[47:06] Okay, the Texas guy got back to us.

Speaker 3:
[47:08] What's up?

Speaker 2:
[47:09] This story about this Chinese guy, we might be here for a while.

Speaker 3:
[47:12] We might save it for tomorrow?

Speaker 2:
[47:14] Because I want Texas updates. He graduated from high school. Where did you graduate from? I'm kidding. He graduated from high school. His dad got a job transfer to Houston. They gave me the choice of staying up here in Minnesota or moving down with his folks. You followed your parents to Texas. That's cute. Yeah. And again, welcome back to Minnesota four years ago. We're happy to have you. Okay. Eight years, Chinese guy. He's got a six inch metal chopstick lodged in his throat. And I'll be damned. His name is Mr. Wang. I know a Mr. Wang. We just call him Wang. He's a good pal of mine. He hasn't earned enough respect from anyone in town to be called Mr. Wang. But anyways, this Mr. Wang from China, he's up to 46 years old already. He's got the same kind of setup as the others you've heard before. Similar stories to this. He's got kind of the same setup. He goes off to the doctor after having a world class sore throat for eight years.

Speaker 5:
[48:25] Oh, that stresses me out. Like eight weeks, eight days, I'd be in there.

Speaker 2:
[48:32] He told the doctor, he said, it hurts like an old bitch.

Speaker 3:
[48:36] Well, I can imagine.

Speaker 2:
[48:37] And it feels like there's something, something or another in there, in my throat. And the doctor took a look and said, well, yes, stupid ass, you got a six inch long chopstick sitting sideways in your friggin windpipe.

Speaker 3:
[48:54] Are you guys decent with chopsticks?

Speaker 2:
[48:55] I'm pretty good.

Speaker 5:
[48:56] Yeah, I am.

Speaker 3:
[48:57] I'm not. We were at a Thai restaurant over the weekend, and all they had there were chopsticks. And I thought, oh no, I'm not going to be able to eat. I'm going to have to eat with my hands in front of people.

Speaker 5:
[49:07] I made myself get good at it because I always thought it was cool when I saw it in movies. It does look cool.

Speaker 2:
[49:13] Never tried it.

Speaker 4:
[49:14] I was at a Thai restaurant once, Josh, and when they brought the food out, they give you the chopsticks. But for me, they must have just judged the way I was dressed, the way I looked, and they just handed me silverware.

Speaker 3:
[49:25] He's a fork guy.

Speaker 4:
[49:26] Yeah, he's a fork guy. They looked at me and they said, yep, fork guy for sure.

Speaker 3:
[49:30] Somebody went through so much trouble to create that fork and the design all the way up to the production, it feels like really a betrayal not to get a fork. I wish I was better. I tried for a couple seconds and thought, this isn't going to work.

Speaker 4:
[49:42] Yeah, when you're bad at it and you get like just the tiniest little bite, you know, it's just not worth it.

Speaker 2:
[49:47] What the hell's the matter with you? I eat Chinese food with a spoon.

Speaker 5:
[49:50] Yeah, so does my husband.

Speaker 2:
[49:51] Yes, I shovel it in. I can't get it in my frigging hole fast enough. I love that Chinese food. I use the fattest spoon that we've got in the kitchen.

Speaker 3:
[49:59] I don't know if I've ever seen that.

Speaker 2:
[50:00] Oh dude. All right. Mr. Wang, again, he says, my throat hurts and it's been hurting for eight years and it almost feels like something's in there. And the doctor said, yes, there is something. It's a six inch long frigging, how do you call it again, chopstick. And Mr. Wang said, oh, that old thing. Yeah, I accidentally deep throated that pig around eight years ago. He had forgotten about it.

Speaker 5:
[50:27] I hate you.

Speaker 2:
[50:28] So all the times his throat felt like it was on fire over an eight year stretch, he never considered that swallowed chopstick might be the problem. I mean, he forgot about it. Is Mr. Wang a frigging moron or something?

Speaker 3:
[50:45] Gosh, it kind of seems that way, doesn't it?

Speaker 2:
[50:47] So this is often part of these types of stories, isn't it? Right here. This often comes into play with these types of stories. Mr. Wang told the doctor that he couldn't exactly remember how he ended up blowing a chopstick. Couldn't really remember it. He did mention that around eight years ago, he also had a crippling drinking problem. There we go.

Speaker 5:
[51:15] Makes sense. That's what I was looking for.

Speaker 2:
[51:20] He told the doctor, I'm not sure how that chopstick got into my throat, but I used to get real, real effed up back in those days, he said. Also, Mr. Wang told his doctor that back eight years ago, when it originally happened, when he swallowed that chopstick, he did see a doctor almost immediately who offered to remove the chopstick from his windpipe. But since it wasn't bothering his breathing, Mr. Wang chose to leave it in there.

Speaker 5:
[51:52] How did you forget about all of this?

Speaker 2:
[51:56] So I guess now we know Mr. Wang is a friggin moron.

Speaker 3:
[51:59] I mean, you understand when somebody gets, like, if this was the same thing, the metal chopstick in the brain, because it might have penetrated the part of your brain that tells you there's a metal chopstick in your head.

Speaker 2:
[52:08] Right.

Speaker 3:
[52:08] But swallowing something like that, I can't even imagine. I mean, even keistering it, you can maybe get by. But having that in your throat the entire time?

Speaker 2:
[52:17] So for eight years, Mr. Wang, well, number one, he cut down on his drinking, he said. He went on with his miserable life, apparently forgot about the chopstick until recently because it really started to hurt like hell. So it's all over now. A surgeon sucked that chopstick out of his body. They went on three, one, two, three, and they sucked it out. And Mr. Wang feels just wonderful now. Oh, God, that was gas. What the hell is wrong with some of you people? Why don't you do something about that?

Speaker 3:
[52:46] I almost swallowed a toothpick. And I can't even imagine.

Speaker 2:
[52:51] That's scary.

Speaker 3:
[52:51] Moving up to a chopstick. I was trying to do... What movie was that where the guy was trying to flip it with his tongue? It was an 80s movie.

Speaker 2:
[52:57] And he gets it trapped.

Speaker 3:
[52:58] Yeah, and he gets it stuck. You know what I'm talking... Yes, I do.

Speaker 2:
[53:01] I can picture the scene where a guy is flipping a chopstick around on his tongue.

Speaker 3:
[53:07] 651-989-9393 if you can help us out. Ah, shoot. And I thought, man, that'd be cool to learn how to do that. And I almost choked on that thing.

Speaker 2:
[53:14] This is going to be good. I'm looking forward to the answer.

Speaker 4:
[53:17] I've inhaled a Lego piece before. Swallowed it whole. Just a small one, just a one-piece-er. That's easy to do, I bet.

Speaker 3:
[53:23] I have a friend who did that.

Speaker 4:
[53:24] Wasn't too worried about it.

Speaker 3:
[53:25] He had to go to the doctor for that type of thing.

Speaker 4:
[53:28] Oh, really? I didn't.

Speaker 2:
[53:29] Josh!

Speaker 3:
[53:30] What?

Speaker 2:
[53:31] We have answers.

Speaker 3:
[53:31] What is it?

Speaker 2:
[53:32] You want me to give it to you?

Speaker 3:
[53:33] Yeah.

Speaker 2:
[53:33] Uncle Buck!

Speaker 3:
[53:34] Oh, yeah, that's right. Uncle Buck, that's a great movie.

Speaker 4:
[53:38] That is a good movie.

Speaker 2:
[53:39] Watch His Name John Candy's At The Bowlin Alley.

Speaker 3:
[53:41] That's right, thank you so much.

Speaker 2:
[53:43] Some dickhead he's jaw jacking with at the bowlin and then the toothpick is...

Speaker 4:
[53:47] There's a John Candy documentary that came out a few months ago and it's absolutely fantastic and it will absolutely make you cry.

Speaker 3:
[53:53] Eyeballed, eyeball.

Speaker 2:
[53:55] Is it called overrated?

Speaker 4:
[53:57] Oh, come on, dude.

Speaker 3:
[53:57] Are you serious?

Speaker 2:
[53:58] Of course I'm kidding you.

Speaker 3:
[54:00] Oh, I was going to say.

Speaker 2:
[54:01] Colorful bastards.

Speaker 4:
[54:02] Yeah, he had me going there.

Speaker 3:
[54:03] Sometimes you don't like...

Speaker 4:
[54:04] You just get sensitive when it comes to John Candy. Of course.

Speaker 2:
[54:08] He was awesome. I love that.

Speaker 3:
[54:09] Oh, man. Yeah, I went to Dana.

Speaker 4:
[54:11] I got scared.

Speaker 2:
[54:13] I was watching him on SCTV when I was nine years old. Oh, he was a riot.

Speaker 4:
[54:17] That makes sense. You've talked about him before. I was close walking out of the studio.

Speaker 3:
[54:21] I made a mistake if I watched the new Ozzy documentary and then I watched the John Candy one back to back.

Speaker 4:
[54:27] I was crushed.

Speaker 3:
[54:28] That was the dumbest decision I've ever made. Jesus, I was bawling harder than each one got worse.

Speaker 2:
[54:34] Did you just sleep until 2 o'clock the next afternoon because you were too depressed to get out of bed?

Speaker 3:
[54:39] Life sucks! They don't make celebrities like they used to.

Speaker 2:
[54:44] I'm never getting out of bed again.

Speaker 3:
[54:46] That John Candy one especially. And I remember turning to my wife crying and going, I just hope he knows while he was alive how loved he was. I hope he felt it because it seemed like when you watched the documentary he didn't.

Speaker 2:
[55:01] That really kicked your ass.

Speaker 3:
[55:03] Yeah, that and the Aussie one, they got me big time.

Speaker 4:
[55:06] Josh, that reminds me of the time when there was a Mr. Rogers documentary that came about seven, eight years ago. And me and my ex went and saw it in the theater and we're just balling. We're like, why did we decide to see this in public?

Speaker 3:
[55:19] Oh, yes, I think I heard this too. Thank you, Daniel. John the John Candy documentary done by Ryan Reynolds, wasn't it? Yeah, that sounds right. Oh, it was great.

Speaker 4:
[55:28] Yeah, absolutely fantastic.

Speaker 2:
[55:30] All right, we got a weird one here. Then we got to move on as far as the stupid news report goes. We've now moved on over to Japan. They can be a little different in Japan. Yeah, they can be different. Now, let's see if we can figure this one out. A dude in his 40s, he's a sergeant at the neighborhood fire department. He got himself suspended last week because he's been forcing his co-workers to play board games with him.

Speaker 5:
[56:01] Okay, that's cool. What kind of board games are you talking about?

Speaker 3:
[56:03] You will play with me.

Speaker 2:
[56:06] During work hours, he's been forcing his co-workers to play board games with him. I've never heard of, here's what makes the whole vibe much weirder than you're picturing in your head. This sergeant character wasn't pushing familiar popular board games on his co-workers, like say Scrabble or Monopoly, which is from a movie called I Love You to Death starring Kevin Klein. And what's the name of the gal who voices Marge Simpson?

Speaker 3:
[56:41] Julie Kavnar? Is that right?

Speaker 2:
[56:43] Yeah, that's correct. Sorry, forget that. Forget I said that. What's the name of the gal who was Tracy Oman? It's Kevin Klein, Tracy Oman, the Phoenix kid that died.

Speaker 3:
[56:56] River?

Speaker 2:
[56:56] Keanu Reeves, William Hurt. It's one of the funniest movies ever, and I'm sure you folks haven't seen it. It's called I Love You to Death.

Speaker 3:
[57:03] Oh, I've seen it.

Speaker 2:
[57:03] But there's, oh, the younger people I meant, Cubby. No, haven't. It's incredibly funny and you're missing out. But at one point, Kevin Klein's character picks up the board game and he says, who wants to play Monopoly? Anyway, these weren't regular board games that this sergeant was pushing at the fire department on his coworkers. This sergeant character, these were board games that he had developed himself. He made him up himself when he had free time at home. He made up his own board games and he wanted his coworkers to test play the games because he thinks he has a future as a board game designer.

Speaker 4:
[57:45] It's like your buddy who brewed some beer in his bathtub and is like, you gotta try my beer.

Speaker 5:
[57:51] That's so, so bad.

Speaker 3:
[57:53] But yeah, forcing your employees to drink that beer or whatever.

Speaker 2:
[57:56] Tortured his poor coworkers over and over again. Try this, play this, what do you think of this?

Speaker 3:
[58:02] I want to get into more board games. We rarely play. The last board game we really got into was the Super Mario Monopoly. Oh yeah, I got that too. I like that because there's a built-in ending.

Speaker 2:
[58:15] You want to get into more board games?

Speaker 3:
[58:16] Yeah, like have a board game night. Do you guys want to come over for board games? I would love that.

Speaker 2:
[58:20] Just when you think a guy couldn't be more dangerous. So more or less, he was giving everybody the effing creeps over his obsession with his weird ass home-made board games. There were over ten different type of board games he was pushing. All originals, all that he created at home on blank pieces of paper. Give it a rest for Christ's sake.

Speaker 3:
[58:45] Yeah, I mean, he's making them play with him. I'm scared.

Speaker 2:
[58:48] Deep down, I got to admit, deep down, it's kind of cool. I think that this guy has this unique hobby. I will say that. But if you're climbing up everybody's ass all the time at the firehouse, forcing them all to sit down and play your your home-made jump to conclusions board game, people are going to friggin snap. Now, the thing is, the sergeant guy, he knows he's become an intolerable moron. He's very sorry for this. He's very embarrassed. He wants to come back to work real bad. He promises he'll let his coworkers work without breathing down their necks with his latest dumb game idea. So I hope he gets another chance. This game's called Who Molested the New Guy? Oh. And the new guy says, Wait, what?

Speaker 5:
[59:42] Jesus.

Speaker 2:
[59:44] I did. That's as far as the game goes, Chuck. Honk, honk. I did.

Speaker 8:
[59:51] Yeah. On the 93X Half-assed Morning Show.

Speaker 6:
[59:58] Boldy has the puck, centering pass, loose. Bennett empty at the other end. A rolling puck towards it. And it's in! It curled in! For the insurance goal for Dallas.

Speaker 2:
[60:11] Two days in a row?

Speaker 5:
[60:15] Sorry.

Speaker 3:
[60:16] Any empty net goal is going to make it out of you.

Speaker 2:
[60:18] Is this how the playoffs are going to be for me?

Speaker 5:
[60:21] Yes.

Speaker 2:
[60:21] Is audio a friggin empty net goals?

Speaker 5:
[60:24] Welcome to hell.

Speaker 2:
[60:25] Come on, man.

Speaker 4:
[60:28] I mean, it was the play that decided the game.

Speaker 3:
[60:32] That's the best.

Speaker 2:
[60:32] No, it was not the play that decided the game. The third goal was the deciding goal.

Speaker 3:
[60:37] Yeah, they didn't need it.

Speaker 2:
[60:39] They did not need it.

Speaker 3:
[60:40] But they took it, which is good for us.

Speaker 2:
[60:43] This is going to be my friggin This is going to be the death of me, isn't it? Whether the pigs move on in this round or not, all hockey playoff, you pricks are going to play empty net goal highlights for me until my heart gives way.

Speaker 3:
[60:58] And when the series wraps up, we could put together a little montage of empty net goal. Maybe just from around the entire league, not just this series.

Speaker 2:
[61:06] Well, that's what I'm saying. Yeah, I can see, even if the pigs don't make it, you guys are going to empty net goal me to death. And yeah, Josh, I could see you putting together a best of.

Speaker 3:
[61:18] What's the equivalent in the NBA? Is there anything that you just think is?

Speaker 2:
[61:22] A technical free throw.

Speaker 3:
[61:24] Oh, OK.

Speaker 2:
[61:24] Yeah, when you just you're all by yourself at the.

Speaker 3:
[61:27] Oh, yeah, sure.

Speaker 2:
[61:28] The one technical free throw for an illegal defense, that's the equivalent in the National Basketball Association. Yeah, the pigs got beat last night. Dallas came out with a little more heat and beat them by a final of 3-2-4-2. Hey, it's going to be a great series. Going to be a great series. Boy, did that goaltender for Dallas pull a couple of. He pulled a couple of saves out of his keister.

Speaker 4:
[61:54] He was on one. He was awesome.

Speaker 3:
[61:57] There was even a couple so good where you could tell he's like, oh my gosh, I can't believe I even did that.

Speaker 4:
[62:02] That was me?

Speaker 2:
[62:02] I did that?

Speaker 3:
[62:03] That was incredible.

Speaker 2:
[62:04] Our beer league goaltender would do that once in a while. He'd make a glove save and then look into his glove.

Speaker 4:
[62:08] Yeah.

Speaker 2:
[62:09] Is that real? That's the game puck?

Speaker 4:
[62:12] I didn't just have that in there from earlier?

Speaker 2:
[62:14] What the hell happened there? I had my eyes closed. I just kind of swept at it. Stars win game two. Wolves.

Speaker 6:
[62:25] Timber Wall.

Speaker 2:
[62:26] Got to win last night. Jesus, the beginning of that ball game, I was only able to watch a half. I was only able to watch the first half. By then, it was near 11 o'clock in the frigging God forsaken evening. The first quarter, they looked like they had absolutely no idea what they were doing there. Why are we here? What are we supposed to do? They were so frigging bad in the first quarter. They got a win. It was ballsy. Twins start a series tonight. We'll get all buck wild with this in a half hour when Randy Shaver pops by. Josh is coming up with some more news.

Speaker 8:
[62:59] 93X Half-Assed Morning Show.

Speaker 1:
[63:01] Isn't that a religious show with all the Jesus and Sheesus talk?

Speaker 9:
[63:06] Oh, hell no.

Speaker 1:
[63:08] Just kidding. They suck.

Speaker 7:
[63:12] If you're going to be dealing with a swarm of possibly a million bees, it would help to be a beekeeper and to have one of those suits. Our crews, our guys were making sure that they were as safe as they can be.

Speaker 3:
[63:27] Travelers on an East Tennessee interstate were forced to break for workers and drones, and perhaps even a queen when a truck carrying about one million bees crashed last week.

Speaker 5:
[63:38] Hell no. That is a nightmare.

Speaker 3:
[63:41] It looked like one. Drivers caught near the wreck were told to stay inside their cars as bees filled the air around the highway ramp late Friday morning and they obliged quite happily. Beekeepers and protective suits worked alongside emergency crews to regain control of the swarm, which had clustered around the wreckage and spread onto the nearby roadway. The affected stretch of the Tennessee Highway later re-opened as the truck driver and beekeepers worked to contain that swarm. Similar incidents involved escaped bees have occurred before, including a crash involving a semi-trailer, which released millions of bees onto an interstate in Utah. The Virginia Department of Transportation commiserated on social media with the most recent bee spill by recalling a similar 2018 crash in their state, and another similar incident occurred just three weeks ago in Oregon. In that situation, a semi-truck hauling millions of bees overturned blocking the highway. That one took a while to clean though. Three days after the crash, beekeepers were still trying to recapture the insects.

Speaker 5:
[64:43] No, thank you.

Speaker 2:
[64:45] Get yourself a big old bottle of Mountain Dew or a couple of apple cores and those sumbitches will all gather right there. That's how I, when I was living in a garbage townhome years ago, when I had wasps living in the walls of my townhome, they could get in from the outside because of some deterioration in the structure. The building was garbage. I had them living in the walls. So Josh, I would sit on my deck and I would put like a bottle of Mountain Dew or a couple of old apple cores out there and they'd all come running. Then I'd spray them with some WD-40 or whatever I had handy and watch them struggle and die.

Speaker 5:
[65:30] That's crazy.

Speaker 3:
[65:31] We had a crab apple tree. When those things would fall and reek, by the way, if you don't pick them up right away, that was a bee natal for sure.

Speaker 2:
[65:40] Yeah.

Speaker 3:
[65:41] You could hear them inside the house. There were so many out there.

Speaker 2:
[65:43] Did you have a dog in the neighborhood who would eat up those rotten apples and get drunk?

Speaker 3:
[65:48] No. One of our dogs would eat bees.

Speaker 2:
[65:50] Yeah, I had a bee eater.

Speaker 3:
[65:51] Yeah, she loved to eat bees.

Speaker 2:
[65:53] Doxin was a bee eater, but Megan Marie, the best girl in the whole world, my old Springer Spaniel, we had an apple tree on our property, and she would go and eat the apples off the ground and get drunk.

Speaker 3:
[66:03] Oh, I bet. You hear about that with raccoons, right? The drunk raccoons running around from the fermenting fruits.

Speaker 2:
[66:08] Oh, yeah. There's nothing funnier than a drunken Springer Spaniel.

Speaker 3:
[66:14] I bet they're lightweights.

Speaker 2:
[66:16] She could handle quite a bit actually.

Speaker 3:
[66:17] Well, she was a born.

Speaker 2:
[66:18] Right. But she'd wobble around the yard. She had a stupid look on her face. Just like when people get drunk.

Speaker 3:
[66:25] Turns out you can learn a lot from a story about stolen bees, like the fact that the hives can carry sentimental value and some beehive boxes can be badass. Maryland's Lower Eastern Shore Beekeepers Association is asking for the community's help recovering one of their members' stolen bees. The suspect took the beekeepers' box, stand and entire hive, the bee people said. The top cover of the hive box, it was described as having a decal of bees flying around it and a skull.

Speaker 9:
[66:56] Feels violating. You put all of your effort into keeping the bees healthy and then somebody picks up and disappears with them.

Speaker 3:
[67:03] A skull. The group said the bees hold significant sentimental value and originally belonged to a friend who passed away. The Lower Eastern Shore Beekeepers Association is offering 500 bucks for the safe return of those bees or information leading to their recovery.

Speaker 2:
[67:20] The Lower Eastern Shore Beekeepers Association.

Speaker 3:
[67:24] Yeah. They're heartbroken.

Speaker 2:
[67:27] Well, I'm sorry to hear that.

Speaker 3:
[67:28] As an aside, out of respect to my best friend in the whole world, Nick, I removed all the bee puns from the story I originally wanted to include.

Speaker 2:
[67:36] I was waiting for you to say sting this or, I don't know, hive that.

Speaker 3:
[67:43] Yeah, I took them all out. For example, you never heard me say a buzzworthy story or bee on the lookout or unbelievable or locals are going apiary or a police sting operation or hive never heard of such a thing or they have honey memories or their friend, police are looking for the public to spill the bees and buzzkill. None of those made it in the story. Out of respect. About 1,000 animal welfare activists showed up Saturday morning to make a grand entrance at a Wisconsin beagle breeding and research facility.

Speaker 2:
[68:19] Beagle, I get it. Another pun.

Speaker 3:
[68:20] That's right. I had another story about boobs, but I had to ditch it for time, so there's gonna be a boobies pun in there too. They found the welcome mat replaced with manure, metal, and a firm no. Dane County Sheriff Kevin Barrett said in a video statement that 300 to 400 protesters were violently trying to break into the property and assault officers. Again, there was over 1,000 there. He added that demonstrators ignored designated areas for peaceful protests and blocked roads preventing emergency vehicles from getting through. This is not a peaceful protest, he said.

Speaker 10:
[68:54] I want to first start off by empathizing with everyone out there that cares about animals and their well-being. But when people start breaking in and breaking the law, we have to intervene to keep and maintain the peace.

Speaker 3:
[69:06] Protesters pressed forward.

Speaker 2:
[69:08] That's very dramatic.

Speaker 5:
[69:09] I don't like the end there.

Speaker 3:
[69:10] Oh yeah, he was very dramatic.

Speaker 2:
[69:12] He digs the way he talks.

Speaker 3:
[69:14] Protesters pressed forward with determined, if somewhat doodoo-defying, determination attempting to cross barricades, which included a manure-filled trench, hay bales and a barbed wire fence. Even so, some protesters did get through the fence and were unable to enter the facility, however, where there's an estimated 2,000 beagles being kept. Police also say organizers employed a little schedule subterfuge, publicly stating Sunday was dog-seizing day, then showing up a day early instead, hoping to catch cops off guard. The weekend's protest actually marked the second such attempt in as many months to liberate those beagles. Saturday's confrontation follows a March 15th break-in in the same facility which has faced allegations of abuse. The facility for its part denies mistreating animals, but has agreed to relinquish its state breeding license, effective in July as part of a deal to avoid prosecution on animal mistreatment charges.

Speaker 2:
[70:15] Boy, what kind of damage do you take to your hearing if you're hanging around a building with a thousand beagles?

Speaker 3:
[70:23] I can't even imagine.

Speaker 2:
[70:25] One of them will knock your D in the dirt with how loud they can be.

Speaker 3:
[70:29] Just going to like a humane society or something.

Speaker 4:
[70:32] Seriously?

Speaker 3:
[70:33] They can be pretty loud.

Speaker 2:
[70:35] You can hear them from across town.

Speaker 3:
[70:37] Tomorrow, by the way, is National Beagle Day.

Speaker 4:
[70:40] Oh, wonderful. We got that to look forward to.

Speaker 3:
[70:42] Out of respect to my best friend and the entire world, Nick.

Speaker 2:
[70:45] So what are you saying? You don't have any respect for me?

Speaker 3:
[70:48] No, I'm saying out of respect. I took out all the dog puns from the situation.

Speaker 2:
[70:52] But then you dump the dog puns out when the story is over, which tells me you don't have any respect for me.

Speaker 3:
[70:59] No, no, you're misreading the situation. You see, I'm telling you...

Speaker 2:
[71:01] Give us the puns, go ahead.

Speaker 3:
[71:02] He's confused, he's confused. I'm telling you the ones...

Speaker 2:
[71:04] I'm not confused at all. I think I understand exactly what's going on around here.

Speaker 3:
[71:08] Oh, no, no, no, no, no. No, you're taking that the wrong way. See, what I'm doing is I want you to know how much I love you by saying I didn't include things like it was a rough situation or a real dogged effort or positively determined or no ifs, ands or mutts, a bone of contention or blocked access to the barking lot. I didn't say any of those things.

Speaker 2:
[71:26] You're forgetting, Josh.

Speaker 3:
[71:27] Because I love you, brah.

Speaker 2:
[71:28] You're forgetting, Josh, that two can play. Who would have thought that this was going to be the breaking point in our relationship? But you're forgetting that I also have a live microphone. Two can play this game.

Speaker 7:
[71:39] Cream pie, cream pie, cream pie.

Speaker 2:
[71:43] Cream pie, cream pie, double cream pie, grandma cream pie, dead person cream pie. Oh, no.

Speaker 3:
[71:55] Grandma cream pie.

Speaker 2:
[71:56] Grandma cream pie is what I said.

Speaker 3:
[71:59] I'm going to, like some sort of assassin, I'm going to have to take little bits of a poison each day to eventually become immune to it. I'm going to have to just, my mantra has to be cream pie for a while so it doesn't bother me.

Speaker 2:
[72:13] We're both going to have to grow some type of shield if this game is to continue. Some type of extra layer of skin here. Or we're not going to make it.

Speaker 3:
[72:25] We could fracture. Oh, God, that term is just so descriptive and so gross.

Speaker 4:
[72:30] Especially when you have grandma to it.

Speaker 3:
[72:31] Yeah, it makes it worse.

Speaker 2:
[72:32] Ankle deep cream pie.

Speaker 3:
[72:34] Oh, man. Back in the day, a safari guide who once said he'd rather be killed by an elephant than ever shoot one, proved that by being killed by an elephant without ever firing a shot despite being armed. The elephant suddenly emerged and charged at Gary Freeman as he was leading a tour group in South Africa April 9th. Freeman, identified as the owner of the reserve, was killed after the elephant charged. He tried to scare it off by waving the revolver he was carrying.

Speaker 2:
[73:04] Well, they don't know what that means.

Speaker 3:
[73:06] I was wondering that. Do they have gun safety training?

Speaker 2:
[73:09] No.

Speaker 5:
[73:09] Oh, no. He's got a gun.

Speaker 2:
[73:11] They don't understand the significance of that.

Speaker 3:
[73:14] He did live up to his word though and he refused to shoot and was ultimately attacked by the 8,000 pound wall of wrinkled rage bearing down on him. There's no evidence that suggests the firearm was used, a police spokesperson said. After the Reserve announced his death on Facebook, tributes poured in, including from community members who said he told them he would rather be killed by an elephant than shoot one.

Speaker 2:
[73:37] So then do you think deep down in his dying moment he had that in mind?

Speaker 3:
[73:45] That he'd go that way, you mean?

Speaker 2:
[73:47] That he would never kill an elephant?

Speaker 3:
[73:49] Yeah, he must have. He must have been committed to that.

Speaker 2:
[73:52] Even when his life was on the line, he said, I can't do it.

Speaker 3:
[73:56] Do you still, when you eventually pass Ashley, which I hope is forever from now.

Speaker 5:
[74:01] Thank you.

Speaker 3:
[74:02] Do you still hope to get eaten by some sort of animal of prey?

Speaker 5:
[74:05] Yeah, I think that's a cool way to go out, if you gotta go out.

Speaker 3:
[74:08] I'd rather go out in my sleep painless.

Speaker 2:
[74:10] What do you got, Cubby?

Speaker 5:
[74:11] That's probably smart.

Speaker 2:
[74:12] What do you got now for the elephant story? Is this a classic, the word I'm looking for, is it a classic case of tusk luck?

Speaker 3:
[74:21] No, I was worried if I did it again, I would, maybe I already burned out the bit. No, I'm done. I'm done. A Florida woman's, but out of respect for, no, it's kidding. A Florida woman's idea of light cleaning this week landed her in some serious trouble after she bashed a Brevard County Animal Enforcement Officer on the head with a broom. Officials say the officer went to Mary Eichert's home Monday following reports her dog had escaped and attacked someone. When the officer arrived, she began cursing and demanded the officer leave her property. According to the Sheriff, Wayne Ivey, moments later, things escalated. Eichert struck the officer over the head with a broom.

Speaker 11:
[75:02] She decides to attack her because her dog got out and bit someone. And when our team member went there to address the issue, she comes outside cursing at her and then swings a broom at her head.

Speaker 3:
[75:15] Not bad enough that it's Animal Enforcement Appreciation Week, but she decided to attack her, Ivey said. Eichert was promptly swept off to the Brevard County jail, and while sorting out her broom and board, police learned she'd already had a criminal record.

Speaker 5:
[75:29] What? You didn't like that one? Come on.

Speaker 3:
[75:36] You know, the guy has a heart condition, Ashley. Why would you do that? Someday I'll stop calling you Allie. Either you or my daughter has to change their name. Eichert was out on bond for other charges, so any chance of any new bond was revoked, the sheriff said.

Speaker 11:
[75:51] Sometimes I think maybe I speak a foreign language when I tell people not to put the hands on one of our team members. Well, apparently everybody didn't get the memo.

Speaker 3:
[76:01] He's not afraid to go there.

Speaker 2:
[76:02] He's pissed.

Speaker 3:
[76:03] For weaponizing housekeeping, he now faces a charge of aggravated assault with a deadly weapon.

Speaker 2:
[76:09] I'll be dipped.

Speaker 3:
[76:11] A North Vancouver chiropractor has been banned from tapping dead ass. The College of Complementary Health Professionals took what they called extraordinary action against Dr. Stephen Weller, whose bedside manner may have gotten a little too hands on with the backside. Weller has been accused of having a habit of certain unsettling behaviors. He is prohibited from engaging in any non-therapeutic physical contact with patients, including social gestures such as hugging and any open-handed smoothing or quote tapping of the buttocks.

Speaker 2:
[76:44] Dude.

Speaker 4:
[76:45] Give you an open-hand smoothing.

Speaker 3:
[76:46] Thank you. Back cracks are okay for the chiropractor. Butt cracks, however, are not.

Speaker 2:
[76:52] He's still working, huh?

Speaker 3:
[76:53] Yeah, they say you can work, but stop it with the butt rubbing and whatnot.

Speaker 2:
[76:58] He must be damn good. He must be real good at his job if he's keeping it. I'm surprised to hear that.

Speaker 5:
[77:03] Well, it doesn't say whether or not he's going to be successful. I'm going to go ahead and guess that he's not going to be very successful.

Speaker 3:
[77:09] Yeah, he might lose some clients.

Speaker 2:
[77:10] Still got a job. He ain't in the... Well, I mean, I guess he is in the papers now, but...

Speaker 3:
[77:14] A complaint made by a patient earlier this year said Weller engaged in a pattern of boundary violations and inappropriate touch during treatment. Those allegations led the committee to require him to provide the college with a copy of his treatment calendar and the names and contact information of every patient treated so they could check in with him. And he may be subject to random audits of his practice.

Speaker 2:
[77:38] Well, sure. Gets his hands on some folks now and again, huh?

Speaker 3:
[77:44] I went to a chiropractor once, and it's one of those things where we're like, OK, I think what we need to do is see you every day for the next rest of your life.

Speaker 2:
[77:53] Here we go.

Speaker 3:
[77:54] But he cracked my sternum, and now every once in a while my sternum cracks, which was something that never happened before. I didn't even know he could crack his sternum. Did you guys ever go to a chiropractor? No.

Speaker 5:
[78:04] I did, and it was one of the best things that my parents ever had me do. When I was a kid, I had really bad ear aches, just chronic ear aches, and they were going to put tubes in my ears. But surprisingly, the old school doctor, the family doctor we had grown up, said to take me to the chiropractor. I had my neck cracked and something done to my back for three months, and I have never had an ear ache since then.

Speaker 3:
[78:31] It's crazy, isn't it? You hear people, you have something that seems completely unrelated. They say, oh yeah, I went to the chiropractor. It's never happened again.

Speaker 5:
[78:38] It's crazy. It's awesome. I don't even know what an ear ache feels like. It looks bad when people have them.

Speaker 2:
[78:44] I'll go to the massage parlor.

Speaker 3:
[78:47] I've only had one. We had the same experience of what's called a sports massage, and I really thought the lady was mad at me. It hurt. That's not the one. It hurt terribly bad.

Speaker 2:
[78:56] It was awful.

Speaker 3:
[78:57] New to streaming today, if you're in the mood for something dark and a little dangerous, Unchosen is now on Netflix.

Speaker 2:
[79:05] Oh no. It looks good.

Speaker 3:
[79:07] Yeah, it does. She spent her whole life inside a tightly controlled cult until one stranger cracks it and her wide open. What starts as a forbidden longing turns into a reckless affair, pulling her into a world of temptation, deception and dark secrets. Andy MacDowell turned 68 today. WWF superstar whose career was unfortunately cut short by taking an out of control parasailor's knees to his face at full speed, Brutus the Barber Beefcake at 69. And Tony on Taxi, Tony on Who's the Boss. On the Tony Danza Show, he was Tony. And Tony Senior on the short-lived Netflix series, The Good Cop, Tony Danza, 75.

Speaker 2:
[79:48] I mean, a living legend, really.

Speaker 3:
[79:50] Totally agree. I wanted to be Tony Danza when I was a kid.

Speaker 2:
[79:53] I was quite fond of him as well, especially his role of Tony Banta on Taxi. I just saw him on television the other day, Josh, when I was watching Cannonball Run Part 2.

Speaker 3:
[80:08] I never saw the second one.

Speaker 2:
[80:09] Oh, my God.

Speaker 3:
[80:10] The way you said it suggests to me maybe I shouldn't watch the second one.

Speaker 2:
[80:13] They're all silly and stupid, but I mean, come on, it's Burt Reynolds, Dom DeLuis, Tony Danza, Jamie Farr, Terry Bradshaw, Dean Martin, Jerry Lewis. I could continue on and on and on and on and on. The Cannonball Run series, not great movies, not by any stretch, but there's so many fun characters in the movie.

Speaker 3:
[80:36] Happy birthday to Orion, turning the big 06 today, and Killer Jesus texting happy birthday to, uh, Farts in your Tupperware, Jesus.

Speaker 5:
[80:46] I don't like that, man.

Speaker 3:
[80:48] That'll keep. That'll keep. And that's 93, especially if it's the name brand stuff. And that's 93X News.

Speaker 1:
[80:54] Randy Shaver.

Speaker 4:
[80:56] On the Half-Assed Morning Show.

Speaker 6:
[80:59] Paddle to the board. DiVincenzo has it. Up to Randall. Five seconds. DiVincenzo with the exclamation point. Murray the Heave. Off the mark. Minnesota, a sucker. Here in Denver, this series is tied at a game of peace.

Speaker 2:
[81:17] Now what, bitch?

Speaker 6:
[81:19] Take that. Huh?

Speaker 2:
[81:21] All right, that's how you do it. Michael Grady with the call.

Speaker 6:
[81:25] He's great.

Speaker 2:
[81:26] Oh, he's simply the best in the business. And that added to my experience last night, at least for the first half, because after the first half, I had to go to bed. Thank you, National Basketball Association. Hello, Randy Shaver.

Speaker 12:
[81:38] Good morning, good morning.

Speaker 2:
[81:40] Difficult to try and watch two important playoff games at the same time.

Speaker 12:
[81:46] A challenge.

Speaker 2:
[81:47] And in the middle of the night, also, I was able, like I said, to go to about half time of the Timbalwold before having to give up. After last night's ball games, the Pigs and Wolves each find themselves in a tied series. Coming back home, we'll start with the Timbalwold.

Speaker 6:
[82:05] Timbalwold.

Speaker 2:
[82:06] Who were just nothing more than a pile of dog feces in the first quarter of last night's basketball game. They had a look on their face as if they weren't quite sure what their purpose was in that moment. Taking a lot of three-pointers, short possessions, one pass, and a deep three-pointer. And I mean, Denver was just whooping their ass. Obviously, there was a complete change of game plan at the start of the second quarter. Finchi or Mike Inori or somebody on that bench, Randy Shaver, must have said, look, let's drive to the basket like grown men, for Christ's sake.

Speaker 12:
[82:47] Yep, yep. I think they stopped settling last night for outside shots. Anthony Edwards, I think, led the way. He looked healthy last night. He looked energized, especially second quarter.

Speaker 2:
[83:00] Yeah, I think he loosened up a little bit after that first quarter.

Speaker 12:
[83:03] Yep. And he was the guy who really kind of inspired them to get to the basket last night. I just thought they played really physical. I thought they played really hard on both ends of the floor. It was a kind of a sloppy game at times. In the second half, I thought it was kind of, just kind of sloppy at times. Sure, Jokic is not playing well. He got off to a slow start again last night. Go Bears doing a great job defending him. Not making it easy for him. Yeah, he got some numbers. He always is going to get the numbers. But if you look inside the numbers, he was one for seven from three point land. He was eight for 20 from the field. He was only a plus one on the floor. He just was not effective. And a guy like Devin Chenzel last night was lights out. He hit some huge shots, especially late in the game that put it away.

Speaker 2:
[84:08] So when he's got it cooking, he has a beautiful stroke.

Speaker 12:
[84:11] Oh man, he was so good last night in the fourth quarter. They played a great second half for the most part. And it's a monster win. Now it's only one win. The series is tied, so now it's the best of five going back to Target Center. But at least the Wolves, they control their destiny here a little bit too.

Speaker 2:
[84:35] Oh man, I only wish I could have seen the majority of the basketball game. You mentioned the struggles of, what the hell's his first name? I'm so used to just calling him Jokic.

Speaker 3:
[84:47] Nicola.

Speaker 12:
[84:48] Nicola.

Speaker 2:
[84:49] The struggles of Nicola Jokic. In the fourth quarter, Jokic and Jamal Murah, who are obviously their top two pimps. In the fourth quarter, those two went two for 12.

Speaker 12:
[85:04] Yeah, they were dog tired, Nick. The Wolves played some really good defense last night. And actually, in the fourth quarter, there was a stretch where both teams looked dead tired. But Murray, in particular, looked gassed in the fourth quarter. And I think that led to some bad shots. And Aaron Gordon did not help their cause last night like he did in game one. He just was not very effective offensively.

Speaker 2:
[85:34] So are you telling me that the bored, lazy Timberwolves had more in the tank than the Denver Nuggets?

Speaker 12:
[85:40] They did after the first quarter. That's for sure.

Speaker 2:
[85:42] That's good to hear.

Speaker 12:
[85:43] They did. And again, I think Anthony Edwards, who played 40 minutes last night, looked healthy last night. He looked like the ant that you need to have on the floor in order for you to win. He had 10 rebounds last night, nine on the defensive end. He was everywhere last night.

Speaker 7:
[86:04] So yeah, I mean, he they were good.

Speaker 2:
[86:07] He certainly looked like he loosened up a little bit after the first quarter. Everybody loosened up a little bit. They relaxed a little bit and they changed their game plan. They made adjustments. Stop tossing up the three pointers. Let's drive to the basket. Let's get some fouls. Let's be physical. And hopefully, this theme continues when they come back home. A game of three is Thursday here in town.

Speaker 12:
[86:30] The key is not settling for those outside shots. Move the ball, get to the basket, force Denver to foul you. The strategy worked last night from the second quarter on and it was a big win for the Wolves.

Speaker 2:
[86:45] Terrence Shannon Jr. did not play Coach's Decision. Just for the record. I know some people were going to...

Speaker 12:
[86:51] Yep.

Speaker 4:
[86:51] But Randy's completely right. The Timberlake can't be like my wife and settle. They've got to get better shots.

Speaker 3:
[86:57] That's an extreme example. That's more than just settling.

Speaker 12:
[87:02] When I was thinking about using that term, Dana, I was thinking of you.

Speaker 4:
[87:07] I bet you were.

Speaker 2:
[87:08] I've been saying that about Josh for decades. I mean, you're the best thing that's ever happened to your wife and her family, and you settled.

Speaker 3:
[87:16] That is not true.

Speaker 2:
[87:19] Now, I love this. Reading some post-game comments from last night's Timberwolves win over the Denver Nuggets. Reading some post-game comments. The Timberwolves, they're trying to be dicks about this. And you know how much I love that. You know how much I love when one of my local clubs decides hey, let's be dicks. After the game, Jaden McDaniels pimp that he is. He was talking about the defensive skillset of the Nuggets collectively as a team, their defensive prowess or lack thereof. And McDaniels said this. After Jokic and Jamal, meaning Murrah, they're all bad defenders. And he named them Tim Hardaway, Cam Johnson, Aaron Gordon, the whole team. We decided to go at them because, yeah, they're all bad defenders.

Speaker 12:
[88:23] That's going to be bulletin board material for the Nuggets for Game 3.

Speaker 2:
[88:27] And he knows that. And Jaden McDaniels, he ain't scared a dick. That's what I like about that kid.

Speaker 12:
[88:33] Absolute zero emotion on the floor. Never. Never.

Speaker 2:
[88:38] Unless it's anger, of course. He might show some anger. He has little temper tantrums.

Speaker 12:
[88:44] He is scary on the floor.

Speaker 2:
[88:46] Yes, he is.

Speaker 12:
[88:46] He's like Quinn Hughes for the Timberwolves. You look at him and you're not quite sure what he's thinking.

Speaker 2:
[88:55] Yeah. Similar, a little different. I mean, yeah, McDaniels just kind of looks bored.

Speaker 12:
[89:03] Deadpan.

Speaker 2:
[89:04] Deadpan. Where Hughes, it looks like chipmunks are having knife fights in his head. So also Finchy isn't afraid to run his yap. And let's see here. OK, so he complained again before the game about the lopsided officiating. You know, and this is all a mine def, you know.

Speaker 12:
[89:28] Sure it is.

Speaker 2:
[89:29] Some people might say, oh, stop complaining. But there's a method to this madness. If you whine enough, there are referees who will listen. And all coaches and players know this. That's why they constantly complain about the officiating. So after the game, before the game, Finchy complains about the lopsided officiating. And he said, hey, maybe my players need to start flopping too. Well, maybe it worked. Maybe you could say it worked because last night, each team went to the free throw stripe and equal 30 times. These guys, I know at times, some of them are straight up whiners. No question about it. Where there's no method to it. But there are others who know what they're doing. Finchy's one of them.

Speaker 12:
[90:18] Yep, just trying to play the refs the best they can.

Speaker 2:
[90:21] Other NBA winners from last night, you got to go with Cleveland and Atlanta. Got a win over the New York Knicks. Cleveland and Atlanta were your winners last night. Victor Wemba-Yamba. Wemba-Yammy? Has been named the NBA Defensive Player of the Year. Unanimous. Yes, it was.

Speaker 4:
[90:43] I wonder how many years it's going to take for me to get used to seeing a man of that size do the things that he does. It still just feels like I'm watching an alien out there.

Speaker 3:
[90:50] That's why they call him the alien. Yes.

Speaker 6:
[90:52] Yeah.

Speaker 2:
[90:53] I think they should call him the lucky bastard.

Speaker 12:
[90:56] I think we're going to get a good bird's eye view of Wemba-Yamma in the next series.

Speaker 6:
[91:01] Wemba-Yammy?

Speaker 3:
[91:03] Jesus.

Speaker 12:
[91:04] They're going to dispose of Portland in probably four games. And so they're going to have a little bit of rest time, because I think the Denver Wolves series will probably go six games, at least. So we'll see Wemba-Yamma up close and personal.

Speaker 2:
[91:20] I know this might be the liquor talking, but the reason why I call him the lucky bastard, and he's not the only one. There's plenty of players out there. Josh, he's seven foot four. He does have athletic ability, and he plays basketball in an era where they basically hand you a half a billion dollars. There were seven foot four guys with athletic ability in 1866. What did they do? Paint ceilings?

Speaker 3:
[91:47] Pretty much.

Speaker 2:
[91:47] You know what I mean?

Speaker 3:
[91:48] Yeah. In 1876? Yeah.

Speaker 2:
[91:51] What did he do? He was a ceiling painter.

Speaker 3:
[91:53] Cannon fodder. Put those guys on the front line.

Speaker 2:
[91:57] They gave him a handful of peanuts at the end of the day. To be seven foot four with athletic ability playing in the modern NBA. By damn. What a gold mine. So yes, he was the first ever unanimous winner of the Defensive Player of the Year Award. He's the youngest player to win the award. As we all know from watching him now for a couple of years, it appears to be very easy for him. You ever play basketball against seven-year-olds?

Speaker 3:
[92:27] Sure. Yeah.

Speaker 2:
[92:29] You're able to block?

Speaker 3:
[92:30] Humbling.

Speaker 2:
[92:30] You're able to...

Speaker 3:
[92:33] Right?

Speaker 4:
[92:34] Yeah, I think that's what he was going with.

Speaker 3:
[92:36] Not right?

Speaker 2:
[92:36] That's not where I was going with that.

Speaker 3:
[92:38] It wasn't where you were going with that.

Speaker 2:
[92:39] Have you been struggling against the kids?

Speaker 3:
[92:41] Oh, yeah.

Speaker 2:
[92:42] Oh.

Speaker 3:
[92:43] I told you before, there was a kid in my neighborhood. I'm going to guess at the time he was, I don't know, maybe fifth grade. I was playing in our driveway with my son and him, and I went back into the house. And the last thing I heard him say is, man, your dad sucks at basketball. And he's right. He's right. He's one of the funniest kids I've ever met. But sometimes I'll leave going, oh man, he dissed me so many times and he's so good at it.

Speaker 2:
[93:12] How old was this kid?

Speaker 3:
[93:14] Maybe fifth grade at the time.

Speaker 2:
[93:15] Number one, he should have more respect. But he's right, you do suck at basketball.

Speaker 3:
[93:19] I'm pretty bad at it, yeah.

Speaker 2:
[93:22] I want to see a game of one-on-one between you and one of the oldest bros, a guy who you've had a crush on for decades, Curtis. Curtis is a great athlete. If you put skates on his feet or a baseball bat in his hand, you give him a basketball, brace yourself. It's terrible.

Speaker 3:
[93:39] I mean, every once in a while I get lucky, but sometimes it's so bad, even I don't get it. I predict it's not going to be good, but I think how could a person miss that bad? I thought it was going to get close.

Speaker 2:
[93:50] You versus Curtis in a one-on-one show. Speaking of terrific defensive players, Randy Shaver, I finally received your gift in the mail.

Speaker 12:
[93:58] There you go.

Speaker 2:
[93:59] I am very, very excited to display this somewhere in my home. If you've been listening, Randy, a week ago mailed me a nice gift and it took forever to get here. It's finally here. It says here, simply and sweetly, it says, for your collection, Love, Randy. It is an Akeem Olajuwon basketball card, a Legends edition Akeem Olajuwon basketball card. It's been sealed in plastic, so it is not damaged in any way. Thank you, Randy.

Speaker 12:
[94:35] Yeah, you're welcome.

Speaker 2:
[94:36] The greatest player to ever live, in my opinion, Akeem the Dream Olajuwon.

Speaker 12:
[94:40] I know how you feel about him.

Speaker 2:
[94:41] Tears in my eyes when we talk about the dream. And you know what else? Because you delivered this present in the mail, I now have your home address. And there's a chance if you aggravate me or Cubby, I make this public information.

Speaker 3:
[95:00] He was practicing forging your signature yesterday. It might come in handy with some loans.

Speaker 12:
[95:05] Yeah, good luck with that one.

Speaker 2:
[95:07] All right, we've got a little more basketball to cover. And then we're going to get to the Man Bear Pigs. Let me, what's the word we use in the business, Josh? I want to say something before I say something else. Preface? Thank you. That's exactly. Let me preface this by saying, I've had an ongoing routine on the program here, where I go after Shaquille O'Neal for some things he's done in his past that we've read about, some really disgusting things. Namely, a certain episode where he, Josh, if you remember, he took one of his teammates' toothbrush, when he was still playing basketball in the NBA, they were in the locker room, he took one of his teammates' toothbrush, he shoved it up his ass, like as far as he could, and then he secretively put the toothbrush back in his teammates' locker so he could laugh and watch that teammate brush their teeth with the contents of Shaquille O'Neal's lower intestine. Okay, that's, when we heard that story, it directly changed my opinion of the man, and I've been going on and on about it for months. Now, here's the part where I preface, because I haven't in the past, but I should preface by saying, I am well aware of what a charitable, wonderful guy Shaq can be. There are stories up and down about what this man has done for people.

Speaker 3:
[96:45] Almost monthly, it seems.

Speaker 2:
[96:46] I'm well aware of it. I just want to make it clear that I'm well aware of it.

Speaker 3:
[96:50] Maybe he's atoning for all the butt stuff he's been a part of in the past, you think? Maybe he's growing up. He realizes, I got to put something else out in the world.

Speaker 2:
[96:59] So I just want to make it clear that I'm not completely condemning the man. I'm a little disturbed by some things that I read about him, but I'm well aware of the good. At any rate, somebody sent us this yesterday, didn't they?

Speaker 3:
[97:10] Yeah, Joe, a listener named Joe emailed this to me yesterday. And thank you, Joe.

Speaker 2:
[97:15] And I think Joe fetched this off of nba.com or something. Can you tell the source of this material, Josh?

Speaker 3:
[97:22] I don't fully know. It's a Reddit thread. And so, at least I think it is. Dana, are you familiar with Reddit?

Speaker 4:
[97:27] I've heard of Reddit, yes.

Speaker 3:
[97:29] I mean, do you know it well enough to know? So hopefully this isn't ridiculous sounding. But so above it, there's like an R slash NBA. But underneath it, there's somebody's Reddit name, I guess. So is that officially NBA or is that just the...

Speaker 4:
[97:45] That's just somebody posted in the NBA thread.

Speaker 2:
[97:47] Fair enough.

Speaker 3:
[97:48] So it's not officially from the NBA?

Speaker 4:
[97:49] No, no, because it could be somebody who posted it in the NBA thread.

Speaker 2:
[97:53] So you never know, but this is... Thank you, Josh and Dana. This is something that a listener sent to us. And the title is, Every Documented Incident Involving Shaquille O'Neal, His Own Feces and His Teammates.

Speaker 4:
[98:06] No.

Speaker 2:
[98:07] OK. Almost all of these, according to the story, took place in his time with the Miami Heat and the Phoenix Suns. OK, Ty Lue, who... Is he still coaching anywhere, Randy? Ty Lue?

Speaker 12:
[98:20] He's still with the Clippers.

Speaker 2:
[98:21] Clippers. He was a decent player, too, back in Shaq's era. Ty Lue claims, Oh, no, rookie Devin George. He's a local guy.

Speaker 12:
[98:32] Yeah, from Minneapolis, from Augsburg College.

Speaker 3:
[98:34] Perhaps somebody on the show might be...

Speaker 12:
[98:38] I think it's when he played for the Lakers.

Speaker 2:
[98:42] Yeah, sure.

Speaker 12:
[98:43] Devin did, yeah.

Speaker 2:
[98:45] What did you say about Devin George, Josh?

Speaker 3:
[98:47] It could be somebody who's an Eskimo brother with Devin George.

Speaker 2:
[98:53] Ty Lue claims that when rookie Devin George failed to bring donuts to a team meeting, Shaq retaliated by defecating in Devin George's shoes.

Speaker 12:
[99:08] Oh, God.

Speaker 4:
[99:12] Oh, boy. Oh, man. Hope he at least had socks on when he put those things on.

Speaker 2:
[99:18] Multiple former teammates, including Hall of Famer Gary Payton, claim that Shaq would save weeks worth of urine and feces and then unprovoked pour it on rookies.

Speaker 12:
[99:35] Oh, God, that's disgusting.

Speaker 3:
[99:37] This is all pretty bad. I'm lucky I've never been a part or party to a poop prank. Outside of one time, I just heard one of our work trips, somebody pooped in somebody else's hotel room shower.

Speaker 2:
[99:49] Yes, I was witness to that.

Speaker 3:
[99:51] Okay, I didn't witness it. I just heard the story afterwards.

Speaker 2:
[99:55] Okay, again, this is just some information a listener sent us, some kind of a Reddit thing. At random, Shaq would defecate in his hand and display it to teammates.

Speaker 3:
[100:14] Man, look what I made you.

Speaker 4:
[100:17] God, he was like a hero when I was in elementary school.

Speaker 3:
[100:21] If you only knew then. I actually, you know, in an elementary school.

Speaker 4:
[100:24] I would have thought that was pretty damn funny.

Speaker 3:
[100:26] Might have upped it.

Speaker 2:
[100:27] You guys aren't going to believe this. He walked into the classroom and he had his poop in his hand. It was the greatest thing I've ever seen. Who? What's his name? Donnie. He's going to be real popular around here. I guarantee it. It's Donnie. All right. Okay. A poop prank and then we'll move on to hockey. The one that I like to tell now and again was up north trip. We were maybe 19, 20 years old, a pack of jabronis up at somebody's cabin. Someone played a poop prank on our collective group via a box of donuts. So, you know that variety pack of donuts you get with the, you got the coconut ones and the powdered ones.

Speaker 12:
[101:16] Did you get a double chocolate?

Speaker 3:
[101:18] Oh, we'll avoid that. I hope I'd be able to tell the difference between a bear claw and somebody's number two.

Speaker 2:
[101:28] I didn't get pranked.

Speaker 12:
[101:31] Or did you get the corn with double chocolate?

Speaker 4:
[101:34] Oh, Randy.

Speaker 2:
[101:36] You've never had a corn with double chocolate donut. So, there was one guy that was the target. And there was one guy who was the troublemaker.

Speaker 12:
[101:52] There's always one guy.

Speaker 2:
[101:54] Right. So, the troublemaker shows us that he has this box of donuts. I mean, there's a couple of coconut ones. There's a couple of powdered ones remaining. And there was a chocolate donut in there, too. But it really wasn't a chocolate donut. This troublemaker made potty and then shaped it like a donut.

Speaker 3:
[102:19] Was this alcohol or drug fueled?

Speaker 2:
[102:23] Well, it was... We were on our last day there and we're terribly hungover. That was the scene. You know what I mean? We've been drinking for three or four days. And it's the morning. We're packing up to leave. No one's in their right mind kind of a setting. So dude made a poop donut. And he says, nobody say anything. I'm going to offer all of you a donut. You all turn it down. I know the target guy will maybe be... So he goes, anyone want a donut? No. How about you? No. How about you? No. The target guy said yes. And he reached for the poop donut, right? And we're all bracing ourselves. Is he really going to... And at the last second, he realizes it's not a donut. It's poop. And he says the famous line, and we still trade this line back and forth. This is 25 years ago. We still trade the line back and forth. He says, quote, friends don't do that to friends.

Speaker 3:
[103:19] He's right. He's right.

Speaker 2:
[103:21] He was absolutely right. I was not in support of this bit at all. But I got outvoted.

Speaker 3:
[103:28] So you witnessed the poop prank here at work. How was the response? Did the gentleman get the response he wanted, which I'm assuming is some laughs and stuff like that?

Speaker 2:
[103:37] You're talking about the dude who pooped in a shower when we were out of town at IZADES?

Speaker 3:
[103:41] IZADES, yeah.

Speaker 2:
[103:41] What was the reaction? Overwhelmingly negative.

Speaker 3:
[103:45] Was it?

Speaker 2:
[103:45] Yes.

Speaker 3:
[103:46] Ah, that's got to suck for that guy.

Speaker 2:
[103:47] Andrew dropped the deuce, did not get the result he was looking for. He thought he would be crowned the king of comedy. It went the other way on him.

Speaker 3:
[103:54] This guy wasn't, I would never have guessed it would be him. He wasn't the gentleman you described in your group of friends, you know, the troublemaker, the guy. It was kind of, it seemed opposite of who he is.

Speaker 2:
[104:04] It was a surprise, and it did make me think lesser of that person. The Dallas Stars squared it up, Randy.

Speaker 6:
[104:16] Wimbledon?

Speaker 2:
[104:17] No, the Dallas Stars, Josh.

Speaker 6:
[104:19] Oh, state of hockey.

Speaker 2:
[104:22] They won the game 3-2-4-2.

Speaker 6:
[104:25] Bruh. Bruh.

Speaker 2:
[104:31] We're squared up at one win apiece. For Christ's sake, here we go.

Speaker 12:
[104:35] Well, you knew that this was going to happen.

Speaker 2:
[104:37] Oh, you knew it would be a close series.

Speaker 12:
[104:39] Yeah, it's probably going to go seven games. I mean, these two teams are so evenly masked. And on any given night, either one of them can win. But Dallas played certainly a lot better hockey than they did in game one. And you knew they would.

Speaker 2:
[104:55] Boy, that Ottinger kid made some saves last night.

Speaker 12:
[104:58] He made some monster saves.

Speaker 2:
[105:00] Including one on a, the Russian kid had a point blank shot with just a couple minutes to play. The Pigs were on a power play. And that Ottinger kid, 28 shots, he stopped. And they were dramatic. Some of them very dramatic. His teammates, I'm sure, gave him the extra beer in the cooler after that game. It was a very physical game, which folks expect at this point in the season. I got a question.

Speaker 12:
[105:29] Too many penalties by the Wild last night.

Speaker 2:
[105:32] Both clubs probably were in the sin bin more often than they'd enjoyed.

Speaker 12:
[105:35] Didn't help the cause last night.

Speaker 2:
[105:37] Jesus, our guy Marcus Fellina almost broke some dude's head right off of his body.

Speaker 12:
[105:41] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 3:
[105:43] That was cool.

Speaker 2:
[105:44] But speaking of the physical play, that was kind of cool. I like watching guys get their heads and then you DDT them. I got DDT. The Trennan kid for the Pigs, did he make it home alive?

Speaker 3:
[105:55] That didn't look good.

Speaker 2:
[105:57] Oh, did he take an open ice hit? And it was legal. It was straight up.

Speaker 12:
[106:02] Yeah, it was clean hit.

Speaker 2:
[106:03] Yeah. He just got his boots smoked. And he's a big dude.

Speaker 3:
[106:08] Yeah, I was looking forward to how Marcus was going to respond to that.

Speaker 2:
[106:11] You know what? I was very proud of Marcus in that moment. Because he knew that was a clean hit.

Speaker 3:
[106:17] Yeah.

Speaker 2:
[106:18] A lot of guys would have overreacted and done something crazy. And I love crazy overreactions in all sports. I love violence. But I was proud of Marcus in that moment. Of course, he had to step up and say something because that's his role. But I think he knew that was clean as balls right there. Faber had a couple of goals. You had that Robertson kid for Dallas. He's got 45 goals on the season, I believe. He got involved. The stars were a much more effective hockey club last night. It didn't help that the Pigs went 0 for 4 on the power play. You know how important that can be.

Speaker 4:
[106:54] You got to get it going.

Speaker 2:
[106:55] You got to stop losing. You just got to get the power play going.

Speaker 12:
[106:59] You just got to shoot the puck.

Speaker 3:
[107:03] If only the home fans were there to remind them.

Speaker 12:
[107:06] Yeah, just to remind them. Shoot the puck.

Speaker 3:
[107:07] Tomorrow night, they'll know.

Speaker 12:
[107:09] Yeah, just yell, shoot. Shoot the puck.

Speaker 2:
[107:11] Now, the boys were playing without Zuccarella because of an upper body injury. And he had three assists in the series opener. I'm not sure his status. The Pigs missed a chance. The Pigs missed a chance to take a 2-0 series for the first time ever. Wimbledon? They've had 15 cracks at this and they've never gone up 2-0. And there was one more stat that was sent in to me. Not that we're done talking hockey, but we got to move on to something here in just a second. Here's another stat that was sent my way. The Pigs are 0-6 in the history after being up 1-0 in the series. Oh, really? Well, wait a minute. That's kind of what I just said. But anyway, they've never been able to take that 2-0 series lead. They're also 1-11 when having a lead in a series. Whatever. It's going to be a hell of a deal. And like Josh said, the next game will be tomorrow night.

Speaker 12:
[108:10] And the good thing now is that the Wolves and Wild, at least for the midweek games, are staggered. The Wild play on Wednesday. The Wolves don't play until Thursday. And then I think they meet up again on Saturday.

Speaker 2:
[108:22] That's correct. That'll make it easier on folks who are double dipping here. Trying to watch the Timberwoe and the... Okay, Randy Shaver, we got to take a little break. If you were listening earlier, we warned you.

Speaker 12:
[108:34] No, I didn't hear this.

Speaker 2:
[108:35] Oh, no, I was just speaking in generalities.

Speaker 12:
[108:37] Oh, gotcha.

Speaker 2:
[108:39] If you were listening earlier, we warned you that we would have to shut it down for just a minute here. This is going to part your hair for you, Randy Shaver.

Speaker 12:
[108:48] That will be hard to do.

Speaker 3:
[108:51] It's perfect hair.

Speaker 2:
[108:54] We warned you earlier that we had a concert to tell you about, and I'll be dipped. Here it is. It's the return of Slayer. Oh, I thought a song might kick in there.

Speaker 3:
[109:08] Oh, podcast and whatnot.

Speaker 2:
[109:11] Yeah, it didn't sound as cool without the song backing it up.

Speaker 3:
[109:14] It's kind of like when you introduce a band, and then they'll be up in 15 minutes to get that whole thing.

Speaker 4:
[109:19] Yeah, that always sucks. You feel so awkward.

Speaker 2:
[109:22] All right, everybody, hang on to something. In about 20 minutes, here they come. Great White. Slayer makes its return to town. Cubby, it's the 40th. Are you ready to feel like an ancient, broken old man? It's the 40th anniversary of the Reign in Blood Tour. Here's the friggin deal. It's the 40th anniversary of the Reign in Blood F Me Running Sideways Tour. And like Josh said, they're playing Mystic Lake Anthotheter and it's going to be September 4th. Tickets are on sale Friday at 10 a.m. And you can go to 93x.com for all the ticket info that you might want on this friggin program coming to Town Slayer. Keep it here. Keep it tuned in. All that business. Don't change the channel. Lindsay and Pueblo will have Winnem Before You Can Buy Him Slayer Tickets all this week and over the weekend. Slayer's going to beat your ass, Randy.

Speaker 12:
[110:23] Wouldn't be the first time.

Speaker 2:
[110:24] No. They tuned you up in the past?

Speaker 12:
[110:27] Oh yeah. For sure.

Speaker 2:
[110:29] Other NHL winners from last night, Philly, Carolina won in two overtimes over somebody. Ed Mental won a game. You know what a lot of folks were talking about? On night one of the playoff, what was that? Saturday night? I can't remember now. Night one of the NHL playoffs, a lot of folks were watching ESPN for the hockey coverage. But no one heard a word they said about power plays or shooting the puck or getting the... All anyone wanted to talk about was PK. Subban's pants.

Speaker 3:
[111:04] What was going on with those things?

Speaker 2:
[111:05] Have you seen those now though?

Speaker 3:
[111:07] Yeah, I think they're on our website. Let me double check.

Speaker 2:
[111:09] A lot of the NBA players are wearing those pants too.

Speaker 3:
[111:12] Yeah, his pants are on 93x.com.

Speaker 2:
[111:15] It's a throwback to the big, massive dark cider pants from the late 90s and early 2000s where you could really fit a couple more human beings inside the pants if you wanted to.

Speaker 3:
[111:26] Yeah, it's bizarre.

Speaker 2:
[111:27] Randy, did you see PK.

Speaker 12:
[111:30] Subban?

Speaker 2:
[111:30] His pants.

Speaker 12:
[111:32] I'm looking right now. I didn't notice them before.

Speaker 2:
[111:35] They're huge. Big, oversized, wide leg. It almost looks like he's wearing a skirt to his ankles like they did on Little House on the Prairie. But they say here PK is known for his eccentric fashion style. I only remember that he was known for farting in the crease.

Speaker 3:
[111:55] Oh, yeah. He brought that up before.

Speaker 2:
[111:58] Zachy Parisi told us that sometimes.

Speaker 12:
[112:00] I think my wife has a pair of those.

Speaker 2:
[112:03] Big, giant pants?

Speaker 12:
[112:04] Yeah, those big, not bell bottoms, but they're oversized.

Speaker 2:
[112:11] Yes. Oh, yeah.

Speaker 3:
[112:12] You know what? I have seen those on women before.

Speaker 2:
[112:14] They're becoming a thing for men and women. Like I said, if you watch an NBA playoff game, the injured players, the guys like Terrence Shannon Jr., who did not play, Coach's Decision, they're wearing these huge pants now. It's a friggin thing. That German kid, who's the German kid that the Wolves have on the roster? He's barely played. He's got a curly.

Speaker 12:
[112:34] Oh, Berenger?

Speaker 2:
[112:35] No, no, German, not French.

Speaker 12:
[112:37] Oh.

Speaker 2:
[112:38] He's got a head of curly hair. I can't think.

Speaker 12:
[112:40] Don't know.

Speaker 2:
[112:41] Someone look at the Wolves' roster. The rookie, he's a German kid. His name is Otto von Wolfhausen or something like that.

Speaker 5:
[112:46] I hate these kind of pants. That's like all the stores have now. I don't want to wear sweatpants or pants that are four times bigger than my leg. It just looks weird.

Speaker 3:
[112:57] It does look a little odd.

Speaker 2:
[112:58] There's no question they look very weird.

Speaker 5:
[113:00] And there is no way I have yet to see a girl in them. And I'm not capable of it either, where it doesn't completely just erase your butt. Because of it being so big, there's just nothing going on there. So you just look flat, flat as heck.

Speaker 2:
[113:17] What's Otto's name, Dana?

Speaker 4:
[113:19] I'm looking. I'm not seeing a name on this ESPN roster. Anybody name Otto? There's a Rocco.

Speaker 2:
[113:23] Rocco, yeah. What's his last name?

Speaker 4:
[113:25] Zikarski. Yep, there you go.

Speaker 2:
[113:27] Look, watch the Wolves series, obviously, for the basketball. But if you want to see this Rocco kid, I've noticed, is he's prone to wear the giant pants. If you haven't seen him yet, you'll see him on the bench during this Wolves series. I guarantee Rocco will put a pair of them on for you.

Speaker 4:
[113:43] It reminded me of a story when I was covering the team back in the day when they had Alexey Shved. Remember Shved?

Speaker 7:
[113:48] Sure.

Speaker 4:
[113:50] After pregame, he put on a pair of corduroy pants, and his locker was across from Pekevich and JJ. Bureya, and they would constantly just rag on the kid. It was very funny. Those two could have been a great comedy duo together. They were so funny.

Speaker 3:
[114:04] They played well off each other?

Speaker 4:
[114:05] They did. Pekevich goes, hey, Alexi, did you get those corduroy pants at Abercrombie Kids?

Speaker 2:
[114:17] JJ. Bureya. I loved watching him play hoops. He's a coach for somebody now.

Speaker 12:
[114:21] He coaches for Denver.

Speaker 2:
[114:23] Oh, yeah. I knew I saw him somewhere.

Speaker 12:
[114:25] Is it Denver?

Speaker 2:
[114:26] I don't know.

Speaker 12:
[114:26] I thought I saw him last night.

Speaker 2:
[114:28] Yeah, I saw him somewheres. Remember that great moment from when JJ was playing for the Timberwolves? I believe they were playing the Los Angeles Clippers. The play-by-play characters involved, the ones who worked for the Clippers, are trying to fill some time as JJ. Barea is dribbling the basketball up the court. One of the announcers says, he married Miss Brazil. The other announcer says, who did? The first guy says, JJ. Barea right there dribbling the basketball. The second announcer says, that guy? Married, because he did. He married Miss Brazil or Miss South America, something.

Speaker 11:
[115:12] Yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 4:
[115:13] And she's about six inches taller than him.

Speaker 11:
[115:15] Good for him.

Speaker 2:
[115:16] Scorching hot.

Speaker 8:
[115:18] JJ. Barea, you know, he married Miss Universe. I beg your pardon. JJ. Barea married Miss Universe, Miss Puerto Rico, who later won Miss Universe. This guy right here.

Speaker 7:
[115:27] That guy right there.

Speaker 8:
[115:28] Jose Juan Barea.

Speaker 2:
[115:30] Jose, one lucky guy.

Speaker 8:
[115:32] Yes, he is.

Speaker 3:
[115:34] Oh, man.

Speaker 2:
[115:37] Christ, it was Miss Universe. Oh, what else do we got?

Speaker 12:
[115:41] Jose, one lucky guy.

Speaker 3:
[115:44] That guy? What a dork.

Speaker 2:
[115:46] The twins are back at it tonight.

Speaker 12:
[115:47] Yep. Turn up the volume on your TV tonight because if the Mets do something bad early on, they're going to get railed at home tonight.

Speaker 2:
[115:59] They've lost 11 in a row.

Speaker 12:
[116:00] Yeah.

Speaker 2:
[116:02] Playing at the New York Mets ballpark, the twins are tonight. The first of three, I think the game begins around 6 o'clock. The pitching matchup tonight, for starters, will be Simeon Woods Richardson and a kid called Nolan McLean. Oh, you know what you do.

Speaker 12:
[116:15] He's really good.

Speaker 2:
[116:16] Well, you know what you do when you're going up against McLean, don't you? You shoot the glass. Is he good, this McLean?

Speaker 12:
[116:25] He's really good, yes.

Speaker 2:
[116:28] But they've lost 11 in a row.

Speaker 12:
[116:29] Well, he's one in one. It's not his fault. He's pitched really well.

Speaker 4:
[116:33] There's been a lot of talk about why the Mets have been struggling so bad, but it's very simple. Dan Housen cursed them about a week and a half ago.

Speaker 2:
[116:40] Well, no, no, we talked about that.

Speaker 12:
[116:41] He tried to uncurse them.

Speaker 4:
[116:42] Oh, that's right. He had uncursed them.

Speaker 3:
[116:44] That's right. Yeah, we mentioned that.

Speaker 4:
[116:45] Yeah, okay. Yeah, now that makes sense.

Speaker 12:
[116:47] And it didn't work.

Speaker 4:
[116:49] No.

Speaker 2:
[116:50] So Dan Housen.

Speaker 3:
[116:51] He's too powerful.

Speaker 2:
[116:52] Is a failure. Mick Abel, twin-starting pitcher. Mick Abel is going to get dumped onto the damned injured pile.

Speaker 12:
[117:00] Yeah, that's not good.

Speaker 2:
[117:02] Injured list. Elbow inflammation.

Speaker 12:
[117:04] Yeah, that's not good.

Speaker 2:
[117:06] So who are they going to drag up from St. Paul's? Zebby Matthews?

Speaker 12:
[117:09] No, they're bringing up, I thought they're bringing up the kid that they got in the trade with Toronto.

Speaker 2:
[117:15] Oh, Rojas.

Speaker 12:
[117:17] Yes, I think he's going to pitch, and I think they brought up Conor Prelip, too.

Speaker 2:
[117:21] Okay.

Speaker 12:
[117:22] So they're bringing up a couple of guys to pitch.

Speaker 2:
[117:25] Oh, that's too bad about Abel because of the last.

Speaker 12:
[117:27] Yeah, he's been so good.

Speaker 2:
[117:29] The last start I watched from Mick Abel, who the hell were they playing when they won four in a row? Detroit. He looked terrific. He looked like very promising.

Speaker 12:
[117:42] Yeah, let's just hope it's a temporary thing. It's nothing serious because obviously when pitchers have shoulder, arm issues, elbow issues, it can lead to prolonged stretches on the DL.

Speaker 2:
[117:56] So before we go, because we're going to shut her down here in a few minutes, we got Dr. P. Jesus going to swing by. But speaking of pitchers, how about a little weird stat of the day from baseball history? Randy Shaver, when you think of the best pitchers from the 1980s, guys like, who comes to mind? Roger Clemens, Doc Gooden, Jack Morris, Nolan Ryan, anyone else? Oral Hersheiser, who am I missing?

Speaker 12:
[118:28] I think you got it covered.

Speaker 2:
[118:29] Fernando Valenzuela. Mike Scott.

Speaker 12:
[118:34] Mike Scott, Houston Astros, yeah.

Speaker 2:
[118:37] Burt Blylevin.

Speaker 12:
[118:40] Yeah, Burt, probably more 80s than 90s.

Speaker 2:
[118:43] That's what we're talking about, the 80s, yeah.

Speaker 12:
[118:45] Oh, you said 90s.

Speaker 2:
[118:48] I might have misspoken, said 90s. I apologize. I meant to say the 1980s.

Speaker 12:
[118:53] OK.

Speaker 2:
[118:55] Now, here's a guy that should always get a mention when discussing the best pitchers of the 80s, but a lot of folks forget about him. I know you didn't, Randy Shaver. Dave Steeb.

Speaker 12:
[119:07] Yeah, Toronto, fabulous starter.

Speaker 2:
[119:10] Did you know that he's considered one of the unluckiest pitchers in big league history?

Speaker 12:
[119:14] Yeah, I recall something about that.

Speaker 2:
[119:17] Yes, he had in his career three no hitters ruined in the final at bat. And all three came with two outs.

Speaker 10:
[119:28] That sucks.

Speaker 2:
[119:31] I mean, I had heard this about Dave Steeb before, but it's been a long time since I had the particulars right here in front of me. Three no hitters went to hell on him in the final at bat when there were two outs. One was a perfect game.

Speaker 4:
[119:47] Oh, wow. Wow. I won't be surprised after the third one. He just slams his mitt down and says, I'm done with this game. You can have it. I'm over it.

Speaker 1:
[119:57] In 1988, he had a pair of no hitters broken up, like I said, with two outs in the ninth, in back-to-back starts.

Speaker 2:
[120:10] Come on. If he had a dog, he went home and kicked it.

Speaker 1:
[120:20] Now, again, that grabs me. That fascinates me, especially to read it all, to have all the information in front of me. He eventually did get a no hitter in the 1990 season, which remains the only in Toronto Blue J. You say it, Josh. In Toronto Blue J.

Speaker 3:
[120:39] Oh, I get it. Randy's got to say it. I love how Randy says it. What's that now? Toronto Blue J.

Speaker 1:
[120:44] It was the only no hitter, Randy Shaver, in Toronto Blue J.

Speaker 3:
[120:49] History.

Speaker 2:
[120:51] Oh, in the history now.

Speaker 3:
[120:53] That's Denny now. Denny needs to say that.

Speaker 1:
[120:56] Yeah, well, that's where we're going with this.

Speaker 3:
[120:57] Yeah.

Speaker 2:
[120:59] In the history of the Toronto Blue Js now, you got to remember now, only Dave Steeve has thrown a no hitter. In the history.

Speaker 1:
[121:18] Thanks, Randy.

Speaker 2:
[121:19] You're about to see you tomorrow.

Speaker 1:
[121:20] All right. 651. What happened?

Speaker 4:
[121:23] I'm so sad.

Speaker 1:
[121:25] Randy, we can do this again tomorrow.

Speaker 2:
[121:28] Okay.

Speaker 1:
[121:29] Okay. What an emotional roller coaster this friggin got.

Speaker 2:
[121:35] Dr. P. Jesus. The 93X Half-Assed Morning Show. All right.

Speaker 1:
[121:44] Someone haul his old ass in here. Here comes Dr. P. Jesus right now. It is 829 here on the 93X Half-Assed Morning Show. Feel free to text the telephone number of 651-989-993-93 if you'd like to ask the damn doctor. Hey, brother.

Speaker 3:
[122:03] Hey, buddy.

Speaker 1:
[122:04] What's up? Oh, man, you're looking at it, by God. I'll tell you right now. You're looking at it. We're all a little funny today. We're all a little iffy. We were up all night watching those friggin stupid ball games.

Speaker 3:
[122:13] Over tired. Yeah.

Speaker 5:
[122:15] I'm usually here Monday and you guys are chipper.

Speaker 3:
[122:18] Oh, we're just tired.

Speaker 1:
[122:20] On Mondays, we come out the gate hot.

Speaker 5:
[122:22] You do.

Speaker 1:
[122:22] We do.

Speaker 5:
[122:23] But you're already worn out by Zeus.

Speaker 3:
[122:25] Well, you heard Ashley. She could barely get through her traffic right now.

Speaker 5:
[122:28] Oh, yeah. I need to add to the traffic report, by the way.

Speaker 1:
[122:30] Uh-oh.

Speaker 3:
[122:31] Please do.

Speaker 5:
[122:32] Can we do the helicopter thing? Yeah. The 280 South exit off of 94 East is closed.

Speaker 1:
[122:40] I'm sorry.

Speaker 5:
[122:41] Oh, there we go. Thanks. He said 280 exit is closed.

Speaker 1:
[122:44] Let's do the helicopter thing. I started undoing my jeans.

Speaker 3:
[122:48] I don't have the ability to do the helicopter. Fun fact.

Speaker 1:
[122:52] Sound effect. What happened now?

Speaker 4:
[122:54] That's been closed. You're just learning about this now?

Speaker 5:
[122:56] I must have just, yeah, the 280 exit. So I was like, oh, I don't know how to get there from here.

Speaker 1:
[123:02] Yeah.

Speaker 4:
[123:02] It's life changing and depressing.

Speaker 5:
[123:04] It was like, oh, wow, this is quite a circuitous way to go.

Speaker 4:
[123:07] I know. I'm so angry about it. I'm going to end up hitting a kid, like on accident. But there's so many, because now I have to drive through campus. There's so many students out there.

Speaker 3:
[123:18] You can still come through the back way. I do, Ashley. But yeah, Ashley and I, we take that twice a day.

Speaker 5:
[123:23] Yeah, I'm going to have to go back to the going through kind of uptown area, blah, blah, blah.

Speaker 1:
[123:29] This is all very valuable information for our listeners, Dr. P.

Speaker 5:
[123:33] But anybody who was planning on coming here, maybe skip the 280X.

Speaker 3:
[123:36] Don't worry, they'll get this thing finished by the state fair.

Speaker 4:
[123:39] Yeah, that's crazy.

Speaker 5:
[123:41] Of 27.

Speaker 4:
[123:42] That's crazy.

Speaker 1:
[123:43] Yeah, they shut that pig down a few days ago. Sorry you had to find out this way.

Speaker 4:
[123:47] The other half is getting shut down on the 29th.

Speaker 5:
[123:49] OK.

Speaker 1:
[123:50] 6519899393. If you have a question, let's start with a guy who fell out cold on us. And he uses some medical terms in here that I hope you understand. You've got a way better shot than the rest of us, that's for sure. Had an incident at work Monday night. I ended up passing out, says a listener. Ended up being sent to the hospital via an ambulance. Got checked out. He said, basically, it was the typical feeling of vagal, vagal reflex.

Speaker 5:
[124:24] Vagal, yep. Vagal nerve.

Speaker 1:
[124:27] It was the typical feeling of vagal reflex. It took a few minutes to completely pass out. I lost my vision along the way. Found out I have no heart abnormalities. I'm wondering if this is possible, possibly stress-related. It doesn't make sense to me that I had a random SinCope episode.

Speaker 5:
[124:54] Syncope.

Speaker 1:
[124:55] Jesus, this guy knows all the...

Speaker 5:
[124:56] He is. No, I mean, you're right. He is dropping some medical terms in there.

Speaker 1:
[125:00] For reference, he's a 30-year-old. He's never passed out completely like that before. He has been extremely stressed.

Speaker 3:
[125:08] I don't know if this has anything to do with anything, but I think he is a she. I think that came from someone who's a nurse, by the way. Oh, okay. I don't know if that makes a difference.

Speaker 5:
[125:17] Well, it makes a difference just because she knows the terminology for sure.

Speaker 1:
[125:21] There you go.

Speaker 5:
[125:22] Yeah. Well, so where do we start? Syncope means to pass out. Probably the most common reason people do is the thing called, I've called it vasovagal syncope, and so the vagus nerve is an important nerve that controls a lot of bodily functions that, so if you eat, your vagus nerve is active, so it goes into effect. Versus if you see the saber-toothed tiger and you're running away, having the fight or flight response, that's the opposite of the vagus nerve reaction. So it's like your gut shuts down. But typically with vasovagal syncope, it is like something is going on that, usually you are a little stressed or maybe you got hot or you saw something that is alarming. I mean, the classic thing is somebody sees blood and they kind of go, oh, you know, like they feel a little shock. And then your body does this thing where that vagus nerve kicks in suddenly and it lowers your blood pressure and you start to go, oh boy. You know, usually you get, people sort of start to break out into a cold sweat, maybe feel nauseous. Your vision does start to darken and unless you like lay down or put your head between your knees so that the blood, you know, can get to your head, you usually just go bloop.

Speaker 1:
[126:49] Right.

Speaker 5:
[126:50] So it does happen quite a bit. I would say that stress is, you know, a possible thing. I mean, some people are just more prone to it. I would say it's usually pretty unsatisfying when you see people who come in with that and you're trying to come up with a perfect reason, you know, if you're a little dehydrated, you know, if you drank too much. Oh, God.

Speaker 1:
[127:15] Yeah, I had something. Everything you described about that. Things are closing down. Your vision is leaving you. You're pouring sweat. You get a little hot. Everything you described happened to me because I was wildly hung over. Yeah. And I was walking through the mall with a jacket on. Wintertime. I got hot. Anyway. Yeah. I mean, all of that makes sense to me.

Speaker 5:
[127:38] Yeah, it's just sort of it's kind of like it's a misfiring of your nervous system. I don't know why it happens, but it's pretty classic sign.

Speaker 1:
[127:46] Pretty common.

Speaker 5:
[127:47] Yeah, it is. And the thing is, the most common thing people get concerned about is, did I have a seizure? Because it can look like that. The other thing that's happening is when you go down and you pass out from that, a lot of times people will be shaking kind of, and it will look like a seizure. But you usually come out of it pretty quickly, which is different than a tonic, colonic seizure. You don't pee and poop your pants, which is often what can't.

Speaker 1:
[128:15] That sucks for the rest of us, though, right?

Speaker 5:
[128:17] Yeah, that's true.

Speaker 3:
[128:18] It's not as funny.

Speaker 5:
[128:19] Right. Because with a seizure, that's a lot more common. But yeah, people kind of wake up, but they feel very bad. And they're usually, again, it's like cold, clammy sweat that just feels like death. And I mean, it's just hard to tell the difference between that and a heart attack or something like that. I mean, a lot of people, they see that in the brunch room so much. By the time you get there, you're usually doing fine and there's no signs of anything. And then some people just end up having episodes like that a lot, and that can be a major problem. One episode is generally not, I mean, it doesn't really mean much. I mean, maybe it's just, it's a time to sort of step back and say, boy, I'm pretty stressed. And maybe I'm not eating well and taking care of myself. If you start to have more and more episodes, even remotely, you know, similar to that, then you do want to get checked out. Because it could be an abnormal heart rhythm. It could be all sorts of things.

Speaker 1:
[129:15] You're going to end up hitting your head on the toilet or something like that.

Speaker 5:
[129:17] Yeah. Yeah. I mean, people, no, people do. I mean, that is the thing. You can, yeah.

Speaker 1:
[129:21] Did you hit your head on the toilet?

Speaker 3:
[129:22] Yeah. I had a seizure once and hit my head on the toilet. It's a lot of fun waking up in your underwear with a paramedic standing over you when you're in the bathroom and you just hit your head on the toilet.

Speaker 5:
[129:31] And you're bleeding all over the place, probably?

Speaker 3:
[129:34] Dr. P? This person, oh, by the way, Audie Parts Jesus texted to say hi.

Speaker 5:
[129:38] Hey. Hi, Doug.

Speaker 3:
[129:40] He said you'd know who it was.

Speaker 5:
[129:41] Oh, I do.

Speaker 3:
[129:42] A possible blocked saliva duct under a tongue here.

Speaker 5:
[129:46] Oh. Ouch.

Speaker 3:
[129:47] It's been swollen and painful for two weeks. I've been treating it with warm saltwater daily for a week. Should I go to my dentist or somebody like yourself?

Speaker 2:
[129:55] Pop it with your tooth.

Speaker 3:
[129:58] That's a non-educated opinion.

Speaker 4:
[130:02] I get those sometimes. I don't know why, but I usually just run them over my tooth.

Speaker 5:
[130:07] How long did they say? A week?

Speaker 3:
[130:08] A week they've been treating it. Sounds like it's been for a couple of weeks.

Speaker 5:
[130:11] Yeah. If you notice if you're getting redness or warmth under your jaw, signs of infection, then you definitely want to get in to be seen because it should have some antibiotics. Could be a bile duct stone that's blocking things.

Speaker 1:
[130:28] And it hurts, huh?

Speaker 5:
[130:29] It usually will hurt. Honestly, it sounds like they've been trying to do the things that could help it resolve. Sucking on sour candy because it releases saliva can sometimes just pop that thing out of there.

Speaker 1:
[130:48] That sounds like a fun way to break up a problem.

Speaker 3:
[130:51] Yeah, really.

Speaker 5:
[130:51] No, no.

Speaker 1:
[130:52] Get yourself a bag of Jolly Ranchers.

Speaker 3:
[130:53] Too bad it can't solve every problem.

Speaker 5:
[130:55] Yeah, it probably could, actually. But yeah, try that. In terms of who to go to, I think you could do either. You could certainly go see a primary care doctor. I don't know. I mean, I guess a dentist could resolve it too and give you antibiotics if you need it.

Speaker 1:
[131:11] Good advice. Josh, does anyone have any idea why that band called themselves saliva?

Speaker 3:
[131:16] No, it's funny. Sometimes you hear something so much that you don't really think about it. That's stupid.

Speaker 1:
[131:21] What were they doing?

Speaker 3:
[131:22] That's dumb.

Speaker 1:
[131:23] It's terrible.

Speaker 5:
[131:24] Yeah.

Speaker 3:
[131:25] You don't shame on them. I like a couple of their songs.

Speaker 5:
[131:28] I wouldn't want to be in saliva.

Speaker 1:
[131:30] One of the dumbest friggin band anyway.

Speaker 3:
[131:32] Huba Stank. They also ended up hating their name.

Speaker 5:
[131:34] Oh, I bet they did.

Speaker 4:
[131:35] Even the Foo Fighters have.

Speaker 1:
[131:36] Huba Stank wasn't the only one who hated their name. Snot.

Speaker 3:
[131:39] That was another one where I think they came out and said, gosh, maybe we should have done something different.

Speaker 1:
[131:43] We're jawjacking with Dr. P. Jesus here. If you have a question, go ahead and text it to 651-989-9393. Here's another one. A listener says, I get really bad lower back pain when I make a doo-doo pie. Sometimes even before I need to make a doo-doo pie. Lower back pain.

Speaker 5:
[132:05] Hmm. Did you make up that song?

Speaker 1:
[132:08] That's a song by Saliva.

Speaker 5:
[132:13] Okay. Lower back pain before and during.

Speaker 1:
[132:18] Sometimes before, but it sounds like mostly during doo-doo pie making.

Speaker 3:
[132:24] I wonder what they are making if it's something museum worthy.

Speaker 1:
[132:32] It's got laces on it and it says Wilson on the side.

Speaker 5:
[132:36] The location of the pain would be helpful too, because if it's around where the doo-doo pie comes from, that's a very different set of things than if it's just lower back musculoskeletal pain.

Speaker 1:
[132:50] Yeah.

Speaker 5:
[132:52] I mean, obviously hemorrhoids, yada, yada, yada, ba-ba-da-ba-da-ba-ba-da-boop, all that stuff for the pain around the actual rectum, anal fissures, stuff like that.

Speaker 1:
[133:02] You kind of came off like DeNiro there.

Speaker 3:
[133:04] A little bit.

Speaker 5:
[133:05] Really?

Speaker 1:
[133:11] It's just saliva. Take a doo-doo pie. He took a doo.

Speaker 5:
[133:20] Took a doo-doo pie.

Speaker 1:
[133:22] Hemorrhoids, this and that.

Speaker 5:
[133:24] Yeah. But if it's actually musculoskeletal back pain, maybe you pulled something on the job, and now when you get in that seated position, that- Right. Boy, it'd be nice if they could get back to us with a little bit more location.

Speaker 1:
[133:37] We'll see if they do.

Speaker 5:
[133:38] Because nothing obvious comes to mind in terms of spine or nerves coming out of the back that, yeah.

Speaker 1:
[133:46] All right. We'll see if they get back.

Speaker 5:
[133:48] Yeah, we'd love to hear a little more information.

Speaker 3:
[133:50] Here's a young woman who just had her last baby six and a half months ago, tried losing baby weight from all of her kids, and if had tried making healthier choices, balanced diet, fasting, nothing seems to work. I'm pretty active with four kids, and she's seen a lot of the GLP-1 commercials and wondering if it's truly effective and if it's something you'd have to continue doing long term.

Speaker 4:
[134:14] Is she breastfeeding?

Speaker 1:
[134:16] Pardon me?

Speaker 4:
[134:16] I said, is she breastfeeding? It's incredibly hard to lose weight while you're breastfeeding. I managed to do it by getting violently, violently sick and not being able to eat for a week. So that's always an option, I guess. But yeah, it's, I mean, Dr. P, I'm sure you can, you agree with this. It's really difficult to lose weight while breastfeeding because your body's trying to hang on to everything it can.

Speaker 3:
[134:40] You did it. You're a skinny queen.

Speaker 4:
[134:42] Thank you. Thank you very much. So that I can, like, give it away to the baby.

Speaker 5:
[134:47] Yeah, I mean...

Speaker 3:
[134:48] Those things, I mean, it seems like they work. I mean, based on...

Speaker 5:
[134:51] They do. Yeah, they...

Speaker 3:
[134:51] They kind of make me nervous. Like, we're going to find out something terrible.

Speaker 5:
[134:54] I know, right. Yeah, the GLP ones definitely work. The short answer is that, yeah, they only work as long as you're on them. And I think... I don't know what the exact number is, but a lot of people will gain weight back if they go off. Because if you don't change your, you know, your basic habits, then you often will go back to where you were. Now, I mean, that could be a bit different, though, after a baby. I have not... I don't know if there's any evidence about that.

Speaker 3:
[135:20] She said she stopped breastfeeding three months ago.

Speaker 5:
[135:22] Okay. But I mean, just in terms of, you know, she gained weight because she was pregnant. So if she was someone who maintained a healthy weight for a long time, then I think it'd be less likely for her to need to be on it forever. And I mean, it definitely leads to weight loss. You know, it also... The bigger problem is that it leads to weight loss, but it's not just fat that goes away. People lose muscle mass. And so you got to... I think that's where we're gonna... I hope the, you know, the piper doesn't come calling or whatever at some point with a lot of people on these meds. Just like, oh, yes, they're all thin, but my god, they have no muscle mass, and when they fall over, they break.

Speaker 4:
[136:09] I know some people that are on it where their muscle mass has just diminished incredibly. It's crazy to see. I mean, it works if you want to be skinny, but I can't help but think about the long-term side effects.

Speaker 5:
[136:22] Yeah. You're a beautiful skeleton. So yeah, but I think again, in that situation, probably, maybe it's a better scenario for temporary use for six months or something, and get some weight down. Generally, it's not covered by health insurance at this point for that. Usually, you have to-

Speaker 3:
[136:43] So there's no reason they'd cover that? Like with gastric, wasn't that sometimes?

Speaker 5:
[136:49] I mean, it depends, but if you have weight after baby, typically not. But some insurance companies do. But there's also, however you feel about our president and various things with the administration, they have come up with some lower cost medications, Trump RX. I mean, you could actually take a prescription and use that and get the weight loss medicines for a few hundred bucks a month instead of a thousand dollars a month. There you go.

Speaker 3:
[137:19] There's mixed reviews coming in. Quite a few people have tried them. And there's certainly mixed reviews. And I guess that's the fear, right?

Speaker 5:
[137:26] They're really, yeah. I mean, again, they are pretty darn effective, but they do have side effects. I mean, people, well, you inevitably, you feel kind of full and maybe a little nauseous. You tend to get constipated. Some people have diarrhea. I mean, it really does profoundly affect your system. So it's not without some costs in terms of that. And again, that loss of muscle mass and just a little bit of unclearness, lack of clarity about the long-term implications and the potential for the weight coming right back.

Speaker 1:
[138:01] You got to be careful. You got to be freak. We got to take a break. But what do you think of this, Dr. P? Before we take a break, there was a guy who texted in and said he's having some lower back pain when he makes a deuce. Sometimes even before he sits down on the toilet, he feels some back pain. Here's a listener who said, I know a guy who had those exact symptoms, and it turned out he had herpes.

Speaker 3:
[138:27] Oh, no. Good Lord. I hope it's not herpes.

Speaker 1:
[138:30] We'll take a break. We'll take a break.

Speaker 3:
[138:33] I've said that in my personal life before, too.

Speaker 1:
[138:35] Sorry, dude, who texted in with that question earlier about the lower back pain while taking a... But there's someone else out there who had the same thing, and it was herpes. We won't ask you to explain that one.

Speaker 2:
[138:48] Hi, everybody.

Speaker 4:
[138:50] Dr. P. Jesus, welcome to the Half-Assed Morning Show, 93X.

Speaker 1:
[138:56] We're back. We're back live with Dr. James Parnell, and he's been kind enough to sit in again this morning and field some questions from our listening audience. Now, this text here, where the hell did I put that? Son of a bitch. A listener says, he can tie in almost everything we've already discussed this morning. He can tie it in to one question or comment, okay? We've discussed passing out. We've discussed pain in your back. When you make a doo-doo pie, we've discussed vagal nerve reactions. So listen to this, Dr. P. He can combine everything we've discussed this morning into one statement.

Speaker 5:
[139:41] Sweet.

Speaker 1:
[139:41] He said, I once passed out while making a doo-doo pie.

Speaker 3:
[139:47] Oh, wow.

Speaker 1:
[139:47] My doctor told me it was a vagal nerve reaction. So he says, one minute, I'm sitting on the head making that pie. And then I was woken up on the floor of the bathroom by my friend who has herpes.

Speaker 3:
[140:05] No.

Speaker 5:
[140:06] Oh, that's terrible. I mean, no, no, that is...

Speaker 1:
[140:10] You don't need to go into that. That's just a joke.

Speaker 5:
[140:12] Well, I don't think it is, actually. Well, the herpes part might be. But that isn't actually a ridiculous scenario, though. Like, if you're constipated and you're pushing really hard or something like that, or sometimes, again, if you're kind of hungover and blah, blah, blah, and your nervous system is a little bit out of whack, people do pass out on the toilet. And there's even-

Speaker 4:
[140:33] I'd hate myself.

Speaker 5:
[140:33] Because that vagus nerve, again, it sort of-

Speaker 3:
[140:36] That's how Elvis died, right?

Speaker 4:
[140:38] Yeah.

Speaker 3:
[140:38] Constipation, pushing too hard on the toilet?

Speaker 5:
[140:40] Yeah, you're right. He did. He might have had a coronary or something like that.

Speaker 1:
[140:44] And there was hundreds and hundreds of different types of frightening drugs that were pumping through his system. Right.

Speaker 3:
[140:50] That had nothing to do with it.

Speaker 5:
[140:51] But that-

Speaker 3:
[140:51] That led to the constipation.

Speaker 5:
[140:52] That vagus nerve. So the vagus nerve basically, again, it sort of lets you digest, it lets you, but it also lets you let out your poop, and it also lets you urinate. And so, there's a thing called micturation syncope, which I just love saying that term. That means passing out while you're urinating.

Speaker 3:
[141:13] There's been times where it's been going so long, I thought I was going to pass out. Wow. I better brace myself.

Speaker 1:
[141:18] Passing out while taking a piss. I imagine you're going to anger everyone else on the city bus.

Speaker 4:
[141:23] If you do.

Speaker 5:
[141:25] Right.

Speaker 3:
[141:26] Rock washer Jesus wants to know why, the last couple of weeks when he goes to bed, he can hear his heartbeat in his left ear. Is there anything to worry about?

Speaker 4:
[141:34] I hate that stuff.

Speaker 1:
[141:35] Oh, I think, isn't that, I mean, we all hear our heartbeat from our noggin somewhere, right?

Speaker 4:
[141:41] Yeah, every once in a while, yep.

Speaker 5:
[141:42] Yeah, I'd say it's probably, he's probably got some fluid in his middle ear. That would be the most likely reason and therefore...

Speaker 1:
[141:49] Could be a creampie.

Speaker 4:
[141:52] That's a good guess.

Speaker 3:
[141:53] It's a terrible term. It's a terrible guess.

Speaker 4:
[141:55] People are into ear sex.

Speaker 5:
[141:56] It is hard to get it on the other side. Oh, boy.

Speaker 4:
[142:01] Never heard of ear sex?

Speaker 5:
[142:02] Is that a thing?

Speaker 4:
[142:03] Yeah.

Speaker 2:
[142:04] Kids are doing it. Yes, doc.

Speaker 3:
[142:05] No, they are not.

Speaker 1:
[142:06] Get over it.

Speaker 5:
[142:07] Oh, boy.

Speaker 3:
[142:08] I got an ear infection.

Speaker 5:
[142:13] But yeah, if you have, yeah, and you don't get this from ear sex, but if you have allergies or if you had a recent cold or something, you can get fluid behind your middle ear, or sorry, fluid behind your eardrum, which is in your middle ear. And then basically, when that's going on, you don't hear quite as well through sound waves because your eardrum doesn't work so well. But anything, any internal sound that gets transmitted through bone, you might hear your heart beating basically.

Speaker 3:
[142:44] Well, listen to this. Monster Truck Jesus said, as an EMT, I've seen a lot, all caps, of people die on the toilet. That feeling of having to go in the bathroom is something that happens before people die.

Speaker 5:
[142:57] Yeah, that's interesting. I mean, I think, yeah.

Speaker 1:
[143:02] It's usually connected to your heart health.

Speaker 5:
[143:05] Probably. That's interesting. Yeah, it'd be fascinating to hear an EMT talk about that.

Speaker 1:
[143:09] I know a guy who died on the John.

Speaker 5:
[143:11] But you, I mean, a lot of times people do feel very, well, you know, if you're having a massive blood supply problem to your heart, to your gut, to something, some catastrophic event, I think people often do feel like they need to vomit or, you know, go to the bathroom because it's just like, you don't recognize, it's a terrible feeling of pressure or pain.

Speaker 1:
[143:34] And you're like, uh, isn't that miserable?

Speaker 5:
[143:37] I mean, it is miserable.

Speaker 2:
[143:38] God dang.

Speaker 5:
[143:40] That's gotta be, I mean, yeah, I'd be, the last thought you have is I got to take a shh.

Speaker 2:
[143:45] Yeah.

Speaker 5:
[143:47] And then, and then your family finds you.

Speaker 2:
[143:50] Yeah.

Speaker 1:
[143:52] The dude that I know, yeah, his family had to find him with his pants and underwear is around the same. It's terrible.

Speaker 5:
[143:58] Yeah.

Speaker 1:
[143:59] He locked up, he shut down right there on the crapper.

Speaker 3:
[144:03] In your professional opinion, is the term cream pie pretty gross? Because in my opinion, that's disgusting.

Speaker 5:
[144:09] I mean, that's just a particular type of pie, right? I don't know what the problem is.

Speaker 3:
[144:13] Do you really not know the term?

Speaker 4:
[144:15] Exactly.

Speaker 5:
[144:15] I do not.

Speaker 1:
[144:15] I have a question for Dr. P2. What's your limit on puns?

Speaker 4:
[144:20] Oh, I bet you love them.

Speaker 1:
[144:22] Is there a limit?

Speaker 5:
[144:23] I did hear your battle earlier.

Speaker 1:
[144:29] Do you have a high tolerance for puns?

Speaker 5:
[144:31] The thing is, I'm not here every day, and I don't always listen to the news, so I don't always hear them. I do have a pretty high tolerance, but you're always here listening to them, and you are really good at writing them.

Speaker 3:
[144:44] He secretly loves them.

Speaker 1:
[144:45] Different people have different tolerances for puns. All right. Wait a minute. It's not as late as I thought. We still got some time. We still have some time with Dr. P. I have this problem, but we're not here to talk about me. We're here to help this listener out. Every time I eat, my nose runs uncontrollably.

Speaker 4:
[145:07] Gross.

Speaker 1:
[145:08] It happens to me, too, when I eat. It doesn't run uncontrollably. I'm not like a first grader at a bus stop in the winter. But there's some release in my olfactory zone or something. But I get excited. Does it have to do with saliva ducts and things like that?

Speaker 4:
[145:24] Get excited so you can just dump it and stuff.

Speaker 5:
[145:28] Well, this is great when the show really just all comes together. This is kind of a vagal nerve thing, too.

Speaker 1:
[145:35] F me running.

Speaker 3:
[145:36] And all of these comes back to the vagal.

Speaker 5:
[145:37] I mean, the vagus nerve is an important nerve, but it's a troublemaker.

Speaker 1:
[145:42] Doesn't seem to get the credit it deserves.

Speaker 5:
[145:44] I mean, it doesn't, right?

Speaker 1:
[145:46] After everything you've explained to us.

Speaker 5:
[145:48] I mean, it does help a lot of things work, like, you know, so including, you know, when you start to eat again, it's like helping your digestion. But for whatever reason, some people will also get a running nose, a runny nose when they eat. So I don't, it seems like it's something that, as far as I know, there's not like a medical problem that causes it other than what is happening. So it's not a sign of something bad. It's just really annoying.

Speaker 1:
[146:19] Something about being the big, dumb animals that we are, you know.

Speaker 5:
[146:24] Basically.

Speaker 1:
[146:24] I have a meal in front of me.

Speaker 5:
[146:26] Yeah.

Speaker 1:
[146:26] And all of my fluids are just rush to the surface, you know.

Speaker 5:
[146:35] Right. Your nose thinks it's going to help soften up that cereal before you. Thanks, nose.

Speaker 1:
[146:41] Like a damn dog with a bone.

Speaker 5:
[146:43] Right. Like just salivating all over the place, including from your nose. But it's, and it does seem to get worse as people get older too. So again, I think it probably just has to do with our bodies not, you know, they're not quite up to spec at that point.

Speaker 1:
[147:00] Yeah.

Speaker 5:
[147:01] So there are, if it's something that really, really becomes a problem, there are, there are nasal sprays that can help, that basically kind of block that effect in the nose.

Speaker 1:
[147:11] I hope I don't get there. I hope our listener doesn't get there, where before dinner we have to shoot nasal spray.

Speaker 5:
[147:16] Right. Pass it around the table. Yeah.

Speaker 1:
[147:19] Hang on a second here, before I have this pesquetty.

Speaker 3:
[147:23] Boy, based on expert texts from the listening audience here, we're all going to die on the toilet. Elk hiking Jesus said, I'm a copper. Probably half the death calls we get, we go and the victim dies in the bathroom with their pants around their ankles.

Speaker 1:
[147:39] Oh, no. There's something about that morning deuce and the pressure it puts on your heart if you're an older person or has, or you have a pre-determined whatever heart issue. That's what I've always heard. That's how it happens.

Speaker 5:
[147:49] Yeah. I mean, and people, you know, by far, the most sort of, I'm pretty sure it's by far, more, it's more common in the early morning hours to have like a massive heart attack. And so, yeah, if you wake up, you feel sick, you're kind of like, oh, I don't know what's going on. You don't really want to throw up or poop your bed. So you go to the bathroom, sit down and then.

Speaker 1:
[148:10] It's a terrible ending. But yeah, it is very common. Absolutely. What about the old theory of when you brush your teeth, it can give you a heart attack?

Speaker 4:
[148:19] I've never heard that.

Speaker 1:
[148:21] I'd heard that once before, that something about the process of brushing your teeth releases something in your body. And if you have prior issues or heart issues, it can kill you dead.

Speaker 5:
[148:35] I don't know that. Brushing your teeth, it releases small amounts of bacteria into your bloodstream.

Speaker 1:
[148:41] Maybe that's what I heard.

Speaker 5:
[148:42] Very, very minute amounts that I don't typically think of that as something that would kill you right away though. Perhaps I'll look that up for next time.

Speaker 3:
[148:50] I'd rather go that way than on the toilet.

Speaker 5:
[148:53] Yeah. If I had to choose. But I mean, it can theoretically cause infections on heart valves or prosthetic joints. I mean, we don't really worry about that much these days though.

Speaker 1:
[149:04] I hear you. Well, thanks, Dr. P.

Speaker 5:
[149:06] Yeah, good questions. Great stuff.

Speaker 1:
[149:08] Our listening audience, they knock it out of the park, don't they?

Speaker 5:
[149:11] Yeah, and I'm going to put in my will that if I'm found in the toilet, do not tell anyone.

Speaker 3:
[149:15] We'll move you. We'll clean you up and we'll move you.

Speaker 5:
[149:17] Please do. Yeah, make it look like I was doing something fun.

Speaker 1:
[149:19] I just hope you hit the target. If we're the ones who have to get you, you know. I'm fine pulling up your drawers and whatnot, but I just hope you don't want to clean me up. No, no, I want nothing to do.

Speaker 5:
[149:29] That'll be weird if you guys show up when I'm.

Speaker 1:
[149:32] Yeah, why would we get the call? Maybe it's a house party. We spent the night at Dr. P's place.

Speaker 5:
[149:38] Another one.

Speaker 1:
[149:38] We heard him get out of bed in the morning. And we heard a thud, right?

Speaker 3:
[149:42] We'd be honored to be your emergency contact.

Speaker 5:
[149:44] Really?

Speaker 3:
[149:45] Yeah, absolutely.

Speaker 5:
[149:46] All right.

Speaker 4:
[149:47] I don't know if we're the people are going to think we're the ones that killed him.

Speaker 3:
[149:51] Because of his doctor money?

Speaker 5:
[149:52] Yeah.

Speaker 4:
[149:53] We're at like a house party. I feel like that would get pinned on us. That happens while we're there.

Speaker 5:
[149:57] All right, we'll talk to you next time.

Speaker 1:
[149:59] Yeah, thanks, Dr. P. Good to see you.

Speaker 5:
[150:02] Enjoy the rest of your week. I hope it goes.

Speaker 1:
[150:04] Oh, are you going to go to the pickleball thing on Friday night?

Speaker 5:
[150:06] Oh, Shaver?

Speaker 2:
[150:07] Yeah.

Speaker 5:
[150:08] Yeah, yeah. Actually, I may still play in this tournament, too, but Friday. Yeah. Are you going to be there Friday?

Speaker 1:
[150:13] Yeah, Friday.

Speaker 5:
[150:14] Cool.

Speaker 1:
[150:14] We'll see you on Friday.

Speaker 3:
[150:15] Cool.

Speaker 1:
[150:15] Well, goodbye.

Speaker 3:
[150:16] Happy 11th to Ellie from Dog Trainer Jesus, AKA Papa. Have a great Tuesday, everybody.