transcript

Speaker 1:
[00:04] Ladies and gentlemen, welcome back to Homemaker Chic Podcast. This is the podcast where we are rescuing the art blanked of homemaking from the daily grind.

Speaker 2:
[00:16] The art what?

Speaker 1:
[00:17] What did you say blank? What is our tech line that we've been saying every week for seven years?

Speaker 3:
[00:21] I don't remember.

Speaker 1:
[00:24] Look at us. Here we are. We're back at it. Here we are. Monday morning. Let's go. Let's go. Have you heard the saying that the young kids are doing where they say, let's go? Do your kids say that?

Speaker 2:
[00:37] That one hasn't hit the read house yet.

Speaker 1:
[00:39] Okay.

Speaker 2:
[00:40] No.

Speaker 1:
[00:41] I noticed it coming from Georgia. And then I noticed it coming from like other people and even some adults just like, let's go. It's like, is this happening?

Speaker 2:
[00:49] I'll keep my ears out. I was at Giverny like five days ago, Monet's house, and there were some Chinese gals sitting behind me. And I couldn't tell you if it was Mandarin or Cantonese or whatever. That's not my thing. But inserted into the conversation was my favorite. What are they? Are they Gen X? Gen Z? Gen Z expression was low key. So they're speaking Chinese, speaking Chinese, speaking Chinese, low key, speaking Chinese, speaking Chinese, speaking Chinese, low key. And I just smiled because my kids say that. They got me saying it for a while now.

Speaker 1:
[01:28] You know what's so funny is those English words that because of pop culture, they come in through music or from movies. They just transfer directly. So in Italian, every technological word is said in English. You just say it with an Italian accent, social media, computer, et cetera.

Speaker 2:
[01:47] Oh, social media. There isn't a word for social media.

Speaker 1:
[01:49] I mean, there is, but nobody uses it. But I love talking to people and they'll just be like, molto cool.

Speaker 3:
[01:56] Like really cool.

Speaker 2:
[01:58] It's cool.

Speaker 1:
[01:58] It's cool. Wow. It's cool. Yeah.

Speaker 2:
[02:01] And the things like the English words in French, if you don't say them with a French accent, like they're like what?

Speaker 1:
[02:08] Oh yeah.

Speaker 2:
[02:08] No, cool. You got to say it in.

Speaker 1:
[02:10] We can't.

Speaker 2:
[02:14] Okay. That's funny.

Speaker 3:
[02:18] I love language.

Speaker 2:
[02:21] I do too. I like on Instagram, I follow like French and Italian brain rot because then you learn like.

Speaker 1:
[02:27] You pick things up. You pick things up. This is like Homemaker brain rot. That's what Homemaker Chic is sometimes.

Speaker 2:
[02:34] Maybe today, Shaye. Come on. Homemaker brain rot.

Speaker 1:
[02:38] Hello. No, I'm kidding. So we pre-recorded last week's episode because Angela was in France. And so we haven't sat down together for a few weeks. So we are going to catch up today, but we're going to catch up in a way that really revolves around the home. Because inevitably, it's springtime, we're in this sort of season of shifting seasons. Once again, every three months, we have this conversation. But our homes are changing. All of a sudden, we can open the windows a little bit more. The food that we're eating is changing the way that we're spending our time because outside is a little bit more welcoming now is changing. So we're just going to spend some time in the home today, which I think will actually be really, really nice. It's been a big couple of weeks since you've been gone.

Speaker 2:
[03:29] Yeah, we recorded two episodes in advance.

Speaker 1:
[03:31] Oh, yeah, you're right.

Speaker 2:
[03:33] It's been a while since we sat down.

Speaker 1:
[03:34] You're right, which is great because setting up these stupid curtains makes me scream.

Speaker 2:
[03:40] Fifty hours now. So if you're watching us on YouTube, we had a little trouble getting matchy-matchy today.

Speaker 1:
[03:47] Sometimes it's like, I know this isn't the color of my lip gloss, but here we are.

Speaker 2:
[03:52] Yeah, that's not the color of your curtain either. Yeah, something's weird.

Speaker 1:
[03:57] You know what? Let me tell you this terrible story, okay? I like to start out podcasts this way. I was trying to buy our families plane tickets because we're all going to Italy in September for our work. There's six of us. There's actually eight of us. My parents are coming. I told my mom, you don't worry about booking your tickets. I will book your tickets. That way I can make sure I do it right. We get them all together, etc. I go to book them. I finally find the ones I want. Prices are through the roof.

Speaker 2:
[04:33] Air France wasn't through the roof. I just noticed there's a slight uptick from a couple of years ago.

Speaker 1:
[04:37] There's a definite uptick, most certainly. To Italy. Finally, I was like-

Speaker 2:
[04:42] Well, September, Shaye. I mean, September.

Speaker 1:
[04:44] It's September, but they're still like three, $400 above where they normally are. So and where they were like pre-War and Iran, let's say.

Speaker 3:
[04:53] Let's just say that.

Speaker 1:
[04:58] What? So I finally am like, okay, we're just going to do it. Today is the day. I need this off my to-do list. I go to buy the tickets. You cannot buy eight tickets together. You cannot book eight tickets together.

Speaker 2:
[05:08] I have had that. I had that a couple of years ago. You're like, oh, gee, could I log out, log back in?

Speaker 1:
[05:15] Could I buy seven and then one? What are we doing? But you don't qualify for the group thing until there's 10 people. So I guess you're just not supposed to travel with eight people. So I'm already some, I'm probably already an hour in, okay, these are for sure the flights. These are for sure the dates. These are for sure the tickets that we want.

Speaker 2:
[05:37] Do you have miles? Are you using miles?

Speaker 1:
[05:40] It's get worse, it gets worse, everyone strap in. So I can't buy eight tickets at once. So I'm gonna buy our family six and then I'm gonna buy my parents two. I go to buy our family six through Alaska because we have an Alaska card to get the miles because now Alaska flies direct to Rome. Oh, but this is a new card because they just opened this flight. So I was earning points towards my flights through another airline. So my card's really new. So I go to book my card first, book the flights through my debit card. It doesn't work. I have to call three different banks to get them to up my daily limit so that I can purchase these tickets.

Speaker 2:
[06:24] Yes, I love that.

Speaker 1:
[06:25] So now I'm like an hour and 45 minutes and I'm having a really good time. They do the limit and then I think, okay, well, I realize if I don't book through my Alaska card, we have to pay for bags. Which sounds small until you realize it's eight people and it's like $700 for both ways.

Speaker 2:
[06:44] Oh, no, you got to get the bags.

Speaker 1:
[06:46] So I got to book through the Alaska card. Well, it's a new card. The whatever it's called is low. What's that called?

Speaker 2:
[06:55] Yeah, whatever the threshold, the limit.

Speaker 1:
[06:56] Okay, I don't have enough to book eight round trip tickets to Italy, okay? So then I have to call them and they're like, well, are you Stuart? No, I'm not Stuart. Okay, well, we need to talk to Stuart.

Speaker 2:
[07:06] Yes.

Speaker 1:
[07:08] Okay, we can do it without Stuart, but you can't use the app. You have to, and we got to send him a pin. Stuart's gone. Stu, can you send me the pin? Stu doesn't see the text message. I asked them to up the thing once Stuart gets home and I can retrieve the pin. They say no. This is like three hours and 45 minutes of work. I want to put my head through a wall. I want to rip the flesh from my bones. And I realized that that's a dramatic reaction. But the amount of two-factor authorization, code, trust this browser, nonsense that I had to go through to accomplish nothing. By the way, I still haven't bought the tickets. I just told Stu, look, Homemakers, I feel like there's sort of this error a little bit, like we're losing it. People are sort of like, people aren't feeling great right now. How could we? How could we when this, like that is an act, like that's a normal sort of situation. Do you know what I mean?

Speaker 2:
[08:17] That's, yeah.

Speaker 3:
[08:18] How could, yeah.

Speaker 1:
[08:19] Who can exist in that and be like, yay.

Speaker 2:
[08:24] Well, it's like, okay, you have something on your to do list and you have to brace yourself knowing what's coming. I spent two hours on the phone with Air France on the way to my flight, trying to sort something out. I got transferred like 1,800 times, a different reason every time.

Speaker 1:
[08:46] That reminds me, I tried to just be old lady about it. I call them, I'm like, I would like to speak to a person. I would like to book my tickets through a person. Okay, ma'am, we can do that. It's $35 a person. Excuse me to use a person. Right. So like you're... There is a great reel that I shared on Instagram last week, and I know this happens to other people because people make reels about it. And it's, of course, it was satire. And she was just poking fun at the amount of, she's like, Oh, you don't download, you can't get water from my fridge unless you download the app. You haven't downloaded the app yet, you know? Oh, we have to check in and scan our faces and do this. I mean, it's enough to send a sane person crazy.

Speaker 2:
[09:42] Yeah.

Speaker 1:
[09:43] It's not, there's something that's so unhuman about it. And we've actually taken out elements that allow it to be human.

Speaker 2:
[09:52] Right.

Speaker 1:
[09:55] So...

Speaker 2:
[09:55] It's not, it's not fun. You do have to gird your loins and, like, you just go in, like...

Speaker 1:
[10:01] Oh, you have to be like, I want this and I'm going to figure it out. And I'm going to just take the lashes. That's what it feels like to me. It's like you're just on the whip and post, man, and you're just taking them.

Speaker 2:
[10:13] Yeah, my little debacle was the night before I left, I was getting checked in and this pop-up came up, asked me if I wanted to upgrade to business. And actually Joel was checking me in and he just goes, baby, you should do that. Really? Like I always saw you like steer red, like not premium economy. I don't get a life jacket.

Speaker 1:
[10:37] It's okay, I'll suffer.

Speaker 2:
[10:39] I'll suffer, my legs will just cramp. And it was really, really affordable. He said, you should do that. You should figure out a way to do that every time. Like it's, then you won't be drained when you get there. You're going to work. You know, it's whatever. So I did it. And then you get a lot more pounds per suitcase. Well, I'm going like, I'm buying a lot of stuff when I'm there for my shop. A lot. And it's heavy. So on the way down, I spent two hours on the phone, trying to get, see if I could get business on the way home. Like I would like to upgrade to business on the way home. Did you use your miles? Yes. Well, then we need to transfer you to Flying Blue. Okay. On hold, on hold, on hold. With the Air France music. You know, go through the whole thing again. And it just like, just ping ponging from person to person to person to person. Finally. I mean, I started pre-Green Bay and I didn't wrap this rigmarole up until about Milwaukee. Couldn't do it because it's only an upgrade offer 30 hours before your flight, if you used your miles. Otherwise, I could upgrade.

Speaker 3:
[11:50] Yeah.

Speaker 2:
[11:50] I'm like, okay, well, that doesn't really help me shop.

Speaker 1:
[11:52] It should be like the opposite.

Speaker 2:
[11:54] Like, I can't, if I'm going to, if my evil plan is how much more crap can I buy?

Speaker 3:
[11:59] Yeah.

Speaker 2:
[12:00] I kind of need to know if I've got that extra poundage. You know, I was just, hmm.

Speaker 1:
[12:06] So did you apply business on the way back?

Speaker 2:
[12:09] I did.

Speaker 1:
[12:09] Okay.

Speaker 2:
[12:10] I did because I was going to stay a couple extra days. And I called them and I said, can you just tell me like how many business seats are available today, or for tomorrow's flight, the regular flight, and how many are available if I stay one day more or two days more? And there was a slightly bigger inventory for the next day. And I just needed to put the thought to bed. And I had so much stuff. I had already bought two extra suitcases. And I just thought, if I do this, what I'll pay to upgrade, which again, wasn't a lot, it was affordable, that will cover the extra poundage weight I would have paid on all these suitcases. And it was a lot of work to haul. I had seven suitcases by myself. I'm pushing two carts by myself. That's a lot of work for one person.

Speaker 3:
[13:00] That's insane.

Speaker 2:
[13:02] I'm a pro, but to get the pampering after sweating and to be able to sit in the lounge and eat, have a glass of champagne, and they treat you like, if that's business class, I cannot fathom first class because it was like, are you comfortable, Mrs. Reed? Is there anything we can get you, Mrs. Reed? Here's a glass of champagne within two minutes of sitting down. Like, a really nice pillow, really nice blankets, a cosmetic bag with Clarence skincare in it.

Speaker 3:
[13:35] Hello?

Speaker 2:
[13:37] What? And then like large sizes in the bathroom. I would literally, I would low key go in the bathroom and like take my shirt and just like spray my side with this Clarence spray because it's so refreshing and minty, you know, it's like sort of like the Cotely elixir spray. Only better. It was sublime and I'm ruined for life.

Speaker 1:
[14:00] Yeah, that's the problem. Once you see behind the veil, what do you, what do you?

Speaker 2:
[14:04] Holy crap. I'm like, wait, this is what's going on four feet away.

Speaker 1:
[14:08] Yeah.

Speaker 2:
[14:10] Behind the curtain. No wonder most of my guests fly, business class or first class, they've been waiting to go on a trip. They've been saving their miles or they can just flat out afford it. And they get to Paris and they're just nonplussed.

Speaker 1:
[14:22] They're just like, oh my gosh.

Speaker 2:
[14:24] They're not dying. I'm like, this is why my people show up.

Speaker 3:
[14:30] So they're like, they just feel good.

Speaker 2:
[14:33] Oh, they're like, I'm a little tired. Am I go nap? In the meantime, I'm like rubbing my legs to work the blood clots out. You know, it's just so bad.

Speaker 1:
[14:43] We always joke, like, if you ever want to feel just like low, low class, fly. Fly. They will make you, like the classist system of flying is so severe.

Speaker 2:
[15:00] Yeah. To be fair, I think Air France is a great airlines. I find them very accommodating and helpful, but it's tight.

Speaker 3:
[15:11] It's just what it is.

Speaker 2:
[15:13] The to be able to recline your seat to a horizontal position.

Speaker 1:
[15:20] I can't even imagine. What the what? No.

Speaker 2:
[15:22] I mean, it was like, sorry, I mean, call me just Polly and I've never flown like that before. That was an amazing, I will never forget it.

Speaker 1:
[15:33] What's funny is horizontal is always the word that comes to my mind. I'm like, what I would give to be horizontal right now? Because your body's tired, it wants to sleep, it gets a little stiff.

Speaker 2:
[15:48] My legs, it hurts. I'm in pain the whole time I fly. My legs hurt so bad. So I just went like, I slept three and a half hours on the way there. I slept five hours on the way home, which is good because then I did all those bags by myself at O'Hare. And then I drove through a tornado. So for those of you that live in the Milwaukee area, Grafton, Port Washington, I was on the road when all that hit. It was awesome.

Speaker 1:
[16:16] Oh my gosh. All right. And then we come home.

Speaker 2:
[16:23] Then we get home.

Speaker 1:
[16:24] We got to do the thing. So let's say thanks to our sponsor, Azure Standard. I forgot what season this is, as I said that out loud. 28. Azure, we love you so much. I got to tell you, so I'll look at my coffee delivery.

Speaker 2:
[16:40] It is like those little window supports. Thank you, honey. Lovely.

Speaker 1:
[16:44] Okay. So we're really excited to, not everybody who listens to this podcast yet has tried Azure, and I want you to. They're extending a promo, which in this time, with the grocery prices being what they are, you should take advantage of. Okay. So you can use the code Homemaker Chic, all one word, for 15 percent off if you're a new customer. So you go into Azure, you create an account, you find a drop point that's near you, and you place a minimum order of $100. Now remember, Azure is much more than just groceries. So I even get my plant starts there.

Speaker 2:
[17:28] I was going to say, it's gardening season. If you need little cute starts or something, your tomatoes were a bust. Yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 1:
[17:36] All kinds of different things that they have there. You create your order and then you can use that code Homemaker Chic for 15 percent off. They're starting this new program where they're hiring local drivers who will actually bring you your drop order, which I think is so wonderful. I would hate to actually ask somebody to do ours because it's so big. It's a lot. I just use it as my full grocery order for the month, and then I will just run to our local grocery store if I need little things to fill in throughout. But we did something with Azure, which I'm really excited about, and I forgot to tell you about this the last two weeks, but Azure actually sponsored a new online course that I made called the Beginner's Guide to Cooking from Scratch. So what they're finding is that they have this whole new generation of customers and people who are like, they're actually like live in cities. You know, they live in New York and they're like, I don't need a 50-pound bag of wheat berries, but I just want the convenience of all of these healthy products put together in a way that I can shop for them easily online and basically have them delivered once a month, because that's really swanky, that's really sweet. And a lot of these people are learning how to cook. And so they came to us and said, would you be interested in making this course for our people? And I was like, heck yes, I would. Because as we did talk about last time, there's this whole new generation of home cooks, just like there's this whole new generation of homemakers coming up. It's pretty fun to watch. So you can visit the elliothomestead.com/beginners. I'll put a link to that in the show notes. Of course, the Azure code is already in the show notes if you want to take advantage of that. But I feel really grateful. It's funny, I have been an Azure customer for 15 years, a really, really long time. And sometimes it feels pretty weird to be in the conversation with these companies that you admire so much. It's pretty fun. Yeah. Anyway, you can visit azurestandard.com and use the code homemakerchic, all one word, to capitalize on that 15 percent off promotion when you become a new customer and place a minimum order of $100 or more. Yeah. Cool. Yeah. Okay. So we come home. We come home and what do we find? What do we tackle first? Okay. So let me preface, let me preface this. Angela and I had a private conversation, but I had a meeting with my doctor while she was gone, and I couldn't talk to her about it, and it was really, really difficult. And my doctor reiterated the importance for some people of their environment. Some people have the constitution that's incredibly impacted by their environment. And also-

Speaker 2:
[20:59] I think it's just so great to hear a doctor say that.

Speaker 1:
[21:03] It was so great.

Speaker 2:
[21:04] Did you record that?

Speaker 1:
[21:05] Also, it did extend a little bit of grace from me to other people in my household, because I'm like, if I want them to acknowledge that this is important to me, then I also need to be able to acknowledge that they literally don't see it, or they're not impacted by it in the way that-

Speaker 2:
[21:27] Then the reverse is true for some people.

Speaker 3:
[21:29] They're not trying to hurt me.

Speaker 1:
[21:31] They don't poke me in the eye. It doesn't impact them. They don't feel the emotional pull that I do from my environment. And A, what it must be like to live like that. I mean, I know the grass is always greener, but come on. I can't even imagine the joy of not feeling so, having yourself feel so tied to your environment.

Speaker 2:
[21:57] Yeah, it sounds very free.

Speaker 1:
[21:58] It sounds really nice.

Speaker 2:
[22:00] Wow.

Speaker 1:
[22:02] So some people might be listening who are like that. If that's not you and I.

Speaker 2:
[22:10] No, that is not me at all. No, not at all.

Speaker 1:
[22:15] So you come from this environment in France where it's beautiful and clean, and you have probably a maid come into your hotel and make your bed.

Speaker 2:
[22:27] Oh, you want to hear something really sad? I didn't have a maid come into my hotel, make my bed, because on the first day she did and she vacuumed up my hearing aid.

Speaker 1:
[22:38] You just got it.

Speaker 2:
[22:41] I'm going to cry. I can't even talk about it. Oh my gosh, I'm going to cry. I spent all that money on that hearing aid. And it was on my, I took it out to go to sleep. I set it on the nightstand and it was black, and then my nightstand was black. And the room wasn't really bad. I mean, she just, it was just gone. Gone. And I actually didn't have her clean the rest of the week because I just was holding out hope that I was going to find it. And I packed really methodically, like as I got home from each flea market, I would pack the suitcase, you know. So my room wasn't chaotic. And on that last day, I got up really early and one by one, I took all my bags to the lobby. So I would just have an empty room. And I crawled around with a flashlight. And I shook every blanket out, put all the dirty linens in the tub for her. Like I just, and I just was like, I'm going to find it. Surely it's in here. It's got to be in here. And it wasn't.

Speaker 1:
[23:41] I am so sad for you. I'm really sorry that happened.

Speaker 2:
[23:44] Me too. That took you a lot of years to even like, accept, do, yeah, to do the thing, to do the right thing. And I researched the snot out of them, like just because they were like over the counter. They were like top of the line, over the counter hearing aids. And yeah. So I have the left one, but my hearing loss is in my right ear. So I feel very sorry for me.

Speaker 1:
[24:11] I'm sorry.

Speaker 3:
[24:12] That's just so awful.

Speaker 1:
[24:15] Dang.

Speaker 2:
[24:16] So I did not have a maid.

Speaker 1:
[24:18] Okay.

Speaker 2:
[24:21] Well, it just kept getting dustier and dustier.

Speaker 1:
[24:23] Fair enough. It's interesting, Stu and I have been talking actually a lot about this topic, doing the thing. I think we're under also this impression, which actually does tie into your hearing aid. We're experiencing this in our home over and over and over again right now in the season for whatever reason. You do the thing once and you're like, I did it and you're so proud of yourself and you see the benefits and you get to reap some of the rewards. I'll be danged if you don't have to do it again. Like the thing doesn't always, it doesn't hold.

Speaker 2:
[25:01] It doesn't always hold, like that's.

Speaker 1:
[25:03] That's so shocking. I told you guys this, I got a new car to me, a new to me car and I have saved for this car for like six years. I want to take it and get it washed like every day because I'm just so proud of it and I love it so much. And obviously, that's, that's ridiculous. But, but I try to do it once a week. I try to go out and make sure there's no shrapnel from the children left in there. There's no like food or empty coffee cups. I try to like do a quick little vacuum, take good care of it. And what's shocking is how quickly that like every week rolls around. Where you're like, I just, I took the time, I mentally prepared, I set this thing aside to do the thing. You're saying I had to do that again seven days later. Like you have to fix it again. You have to balance it again. You have to clean it again. It's in the home. These actions are incredibly repetitive. So my doctor told me that instead of saying, I need to or I have to, which is pretty much the way I always talk to myself. I have to run to the grocery store this afternoon. Okay. I need to make dinner before I finish this thing. I have to sit down to work before I'm gonna be free to go do this. She suggested talking to yourself in a different way, which we've talked about here on the podcast before, right?

Speaker 2:
[26:46] Right.

Speaker 1:
[26:46] Telling ourselves true stories.

Speaker 2:
[26:47] We've talked about talking to ourselves, not listening to ourselves, yeah.

Speaker 1:
[26:53] Well, we're actually really good at listening to ourselves. So she was saying, especially with your housework, which is why I'm sharing it here on the podcast. Especially with your housework, it's really important to put it in the right frame of mind. So instead of saying, I have to, I have to, I have to, say, I get to, or I love to. And it sounds kind of awkward at first. Because culturally, we say, I have to. I have to make sure this thing is done. Instead of, okay, I get to make a nice little dinner for my family before we got to leave. Or I love these 20 minutes where I get to pull something out and just make it happen. Doesn't that sound kind of weird?

Speaker 2:
[27:44] It does. It sounds contract. What is she saying is going to be the best?

Speaker 1:
[27:47] Oh, she's like totally lying to herself.

Speaker 3:
[27:49] Okay.

Speaker 1:
[27:50] Because even if you don't love it, your body follows your mind.

Speaker 2:
[27:58] Yeah.

Speaker 1:
[28:00] Yeah. That's just true. Your body has a physical reaction to what's going on up here mentally. And so you're saying mentally, you're basically be like, hey, mentally, here's what's going to be going on. When we have to make dinner for our family or we have to-

Speaker 2:
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Speaker 1:
[29:20] Let's go out the floor again. We are going to be grateful and recognize that this is a good thing.

Speaker 2:
[29:28] And what is she saying is the long-term benefit of that? Then you have less of a fight or flight response over time to that?

Speaker 1:
[29:42] You're less derailed by circumstances that are outside of your control. Okay, so here's an example. I have unknowingly, Stuart and I both, and pretty much all my friends as well, you and I have, we keep saying things like, this is a thick time of life, this is a really busy time of life, the family is pretty maxed, you know, while there's a lot going on, it's hard to keep up with, we're driving everywhere, these are big heavy things, like, this is constant across every relationship I have.

Speaker 2:
[30:19] Right.

Speaker 1:
[30:22] When a kitchen pipe explodes and your basement floods, and you don't have water, how does that fit into this story that you have woven? Well, you've already told yourself, the glass is full. So, you add anything else in there and it overflows, like, it can only end in disaster. So, that looks like outbursts, overwhelmed, fatigue, cynicism, victim mentality. I was already maxed and then this happened. Like, what are the chances? You know? Um, that's a serial problem for me. So, the idea is flipping the script where you're not actually changing your circumstances, because not all of them are changeable. Are you just not going to have teenagers?

Speaker 3:
[31:23] Like, what's the solution there?

Speaker 1:
[31:27] So, you can't really change the circumstances. What you can do is start to tell yourself the truth of, like, I, you know, this time is going to go so quickly, and I feel so grateful that I get to walk alongside my kids for so many of their activities. I'm so glad that I get to be alongside them and hear their little chitter-chatter and hear their funny little mannerisms and see them coming into their own. And, you know, we only have five more years of this. I'm just making that number up. We have more. We only have five more years of this. And I really appreciate hearing the laughter and hearing their noise and getting to have these conversations with them. And, right, you're just flipping the script. If that's your disposition, same situation, but all of a sudden your heart is now thinking, the chitter-chatter is good, the noise is good, the mess is good. I feel grateful to be a part of this. When your pipe bursts, it just sort of becomes part of the story. It has a place to go.

Speaker 2:
[32:30] Yeah, I think that's, yeah, it's not like you're pollieanning your way through it. It's just that you've left room in your cup.

Speaker 1:
[32:37] You've left room in your cup, mental cup. Yeah, I like that a lot.

Speaker 2:
[32:42] I like that. I just made a note of morning notes because changing thought patterns is like borderline impossible.

Speaker 1:
[32:51] Okay.

Speaker 2:
[32:53] To me, there would need to be some sort of a physical action and I can see myself sitting down in the morning and looking at a day that is just swampy and full and complainable and putting a spin on it on paper first.

Speaker 1:
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Speaker 1:
[35:57] Okay, so Angela, that's exactly what I did. And I sat down. Now, I'm a Christian, okay? That means like, I'm not talking about mantras or just, just positive mindset for the sake of positive mindset. I think these are actually all Christian principles of gratitude. So when I, before I sat down to do my bills, I wrote down, here's my beliefs. Here is what I'm going to believe about money. The Lord has provided us with everything that we need. The Lord has been so generous to us in what we have been given. I feel so grateful for every dollar that I am able to spend on my family. We have access to health care and medicines and braces, and this is more than we deserve. Physically wrote down, and I read through them, and you're sort of, you know, as a Christian, you're sort of praying them. You're just sort of praying these truths back to the Lord, and they are truths.

Speaker 2:
[37:06] Right.

Speaker 1:
[37:08] Physically writing them, reading them. When you, what I found, I'm new, I'm new to this, but what I have found is that when I sit down to do those things, it is true. You just have to remind yourself of it quite often, I think, as you're as you're training, because you're right, it is almost impossible, but it's not impossible. There's something about the tangible reminder.

Speaker 2:
[37:42] Sure.

Speaker 1:
[37:43] I'm thinking the way that this applies for the homemaker, there's easy ways to think that this applies in your marriage. I am with the person that the Lord has for me. This relationship can be a beautiful and fruitful union. We can treat each other with respect. I love being able to communicate how I'm really feeling with my spouse. I look forward to the intimate time that we get to share together, which richly blesses both of us. These sorts of like, what are we... See, that sounds so new, Agee. I haven't quite found the verbiage for it yet. It sounds like, oh, well, how would we be speaking into our... We're speaking our truth. Like, that's not what I'm trying to say.

Speaker 2:
[38:33] Yeah, I hear that so much. Yeah, but it is rich. It's... Because even if you're not saying it, okay, like say you're just somebody, and you're just always like speaking the negative, okay, I gotta make dinner. Oh, I gotta make dinner. Oh, the laundry. I gotta do... No, no, no, no. I gotta... Both things are true.

Speaker 1:
[38:57] Right.

Speaker 2:
[38:58] You do have to make dinner, and it might suck, you know, like both things are true. So it's just deciding which truth are you going to start verbalizing to maybe stay in a state of gratitude and harmony and sympathetic, you know, sort of parasympathetic or, you know, or vice versa rather. Yeah, it's interesting.

Speaker 1:
[39:25] Because here's the thing, in the home...

Speaker 2:
[39:26] It's not that you're trying to say something that isn't true. It's not the like new age... It's not you're trying... You're not trying to manifest. Yeah, you're not trying to say something that isn't true and make it true by saying it.

Speaker 1:
[39:37] I'm a millionaire.

Speaker 2:
[39:38] Both things are actually true. Yeah.

Speaker 1:
[39:41] I'm not.

Speaker 2:
[39:42] Yeah.

Speaker 1:
[39:42] Right. Both things are true. And what's interesting is that nothing changes about the actual work you have to do. And I think that's where the homemaker can get a little boggy. I think refining systems, actually changing things that need to be changed is meaningful. But I don't think that's all the time. I think most...

Speaker 2:
[40:07] Yeah, but the word picture about the cup really makes sense though.

Speaker 1:
[40:10] Right.

Speaker 2:
[40:11] About, like, if it's already... If you've already treated the day, your cup, as it were, and it, like, it's full and it's chaotic and whatever, and it's up to here, and then the pipe bursts. Overflow is the only thing that can happen.

Speaker 1:
[40:22] That's the only place for it to go.

Speaker 2:
[40:23] And not my cup overfloweth.

Speaker 1:
[40:24] No, not in the good way.

Speaker 2:
[40:26] Not in the good way.

Speaker 1:
[40:27] Right, that's the only thing that can happen. So, money, I think, is another real big place that this applies in the home.

Speaker 2:
[40:36] Yeah, no, I wrote that down. I love it.

Speaker 1:
[40:38] Because, if the story is, we don't have enough, oh my gosh, everything is so expensive. There's not enough to go around, et cetera, et cetera. I really don't understand this piece of things. I don't have the time to organize this the way that I want. Oh my gosh, we subconsciously think those thoughts all day long. Yeah. That is so, I'm saying now, destructive. Because, eventually, you reap what you sow. So, if you've sown this story without almost even realizing it, or done it subconsciously, day in and day out, and day in and day out, it does become true in the sense that that's how you feel about it constantly. I've been thinking a lot about the different ways that this applies to the home, the I have to versus the I get to or I love. So I've been doing-

Speaker 2:
[41:51] And there might, there's gotta be other ones, like if I get to and I love, like feel cringy, like come up with something else.

Speaker 1:
[41:57] I think it only feels cringy because it's so socially unacceptable, in a sense.

Speaker 2:
[42:02] Well, yeah, complaining is-

Speaker 1:
[42:04] If I'm meeting up with a girlfriend and say, oh, I had to do this this week. And they're like, oh.

Speaker 2:
[42:11] Yeah, nobody's like-

Speaker 1:
[42:12] If I go meet with a girlfriend and say, I love, I love weeknight dinners. They really challenge me to kind of get creative and to use up what we have. She's like, you're unrelatable and we're no longer friends.

Speaker 2:
[42:27] No, it's really true.

Speaker 1:
[42:28] Because misery loves company and bitching is a lot easier than feeling like we're bragging maybe, or we're feeling like, oh, well, aren't you just Martha, not Martha Homemaker, what's the word?

Speaker 2:
[42:41] Suzy.

Speaker 3:
[42:45] Right?

Speaker 1:
[42:48] We're not supposed to be satisfied. I really loved what I made for Thanksgiving dinner. I was really happy with the way that it all came together. I really look forward to doing that again next year.

Speaker 3:
[43:02] Have you ever had a conversation like that?

Speaker 2:
[43:07] No, and because simply because of the subsequent judgment, I mean, you'd have to be around somebody that really loved you.

Speaker 1:
[43:16] To be like, I knocked it out of the park. I think I'm really improving on this. And I love that I get to kind of dive into this work. And my family really appreciates it.

Speaker 2:
[43:32] It's horrible.

Speaker 1:
[43:36] That's why I actually think writing them down in a way that sounds right to you.

Speaker 2:
[43:48] I mean, you know, I'm thinking about me as a writer, so I make lists all day long. So even it doesn't necessarily have to be like a brain dump in the morning, but like at the top of the budget page for the week, here's what I believe about money, blah, blah, blah, blah. On the menu page, you know, this week I'm looking forward to blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. You know, just, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1:
[44:11] And look, we tithe and I'll tell you when the money mindset is in the right, when the wrong place and you write that tithe check. Okay, if y'all don't know what I'm talking about, maybe you're holier than me, but it's very possible. There are times when I'm like, take all of it, Lord, like take all of it. It's all yours anyway. It's all yours anyway. And I'll tell you, one of those is a lot more honoring to what the Lord has actually given us in our homes, in our families, in our relationships. And one of those is easy. I've been really trying to employ this with work. And because we are at a place where my children, it's wild, like you think toddlers are needy, and they are, but it's different.

Speaker 2:
[45:07] Teenagers, teenagers are...

Speaker 1:
[45:09] They're so, they're so different. We had two.

Speaker 2:
[45:13] I look forward to my teenagers sucking the lifeblood from my schedule. I look forward to late nights when they finally feel like talking to me and setting my need for sleep aside, so I can spend precious moments with them.

Speaker 3:
[45:32] Yes, it's...

Speaker 1:
[45:35] I won't say it's made me resentful of my work, because I really do not feel that way. I think it's made it a little harder to mentally engage because there's no nap time. So it's, it's just different for the work that I have, like the actual work. Also, work is changing and AIs being all wild, and social media is doing its thing, and like we haven't changed.

Speaker 3:
[46:05] The world has, right?

Speaker 1:
[46:07] And so writing, writing these things down of, I love that I have a job where I get to, ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba.

Speaker 3:
[46:20] I am good, because I'll tell you, insecurity kicks in pretty heavily when, like I saw this Instagram account last week, and they had been on Instagram for three weeks, and they had like a half a million followers, and I'm like, 15 years, just me and my 87, whatever it is that keeps going down, it's like 5,000 less than it was last year.

Speaker 2:
[46:42] This morning on YouTube, it was like negative 79, since yesterday.

Speaker 1:
[46:47] Every time I log in, it's 100 less, 100 less, 100 less. And I was like, okay. But Stu was telling me, this is kind of cool. So him and I, about six months ago, we decided, look, ain't nobody becoming Magnolia here, or Martha Stewart. We're just a work and family doing our thing. Okay? And his sort of take on that was like, it's okay for us to play small. Just play small. We just need our daily breath.

Speaker 2:
[47:19] Okay?

Speaker 1:
[47:21] And that's sufficient. He was saying now, like, businesses are calling themselves micro businesses. There's now micro colleges where there's like 50 people. Because they don't have to play the games of these big growth, endless stress. And so people are intentionally being like, no. I just love it.

Speaker 2:
[47:52] I just love it so much. I had a thought this morning, like this pressure thought about something I needed to do for Parisian Farm Girl and it was just like, wah, pressure. And I thought, oh no, no, no. Remember? Like you're not trying to do anything anymore. No, that's a long time ago. You don't, you're not even striving. Like you're just doing the thing because you love it. We're not striving to become anyone anymore. Where did that thought come from that you had to do X, Y, Z or, oh my gosh, it was so Icky.

Speaker 1:
[48:27] I love it.

Speaker 2:
[48:28] Micro, micro me, baby.

Speaker 1:
[48:29] Yeah, honestly, micro all of it. Micro my stuff, micro my budget, because too many transactions is just scary anyway. There's a great example of this, where we do our trips in Italy. There is a little restaurant that we go to, it's called Bistro del Bucca. And Christian is the chef there. He has a couple of employees that are like, the ones that I have met, they all have Down syndrome. They're from a local organization. And they come and they bust the tables and stuff. This restaurant seats maybe 15 people. And it is our guest's favorite place. It's remarkable. When we go, we rent the whole thing. The restaurant just closes down. And we just have Christian to ourselves for a night. And it's amazing. And he's open when he wants to be, basically.

Speaker 3:
[49:26] And if he wants to take a trip to Spain, then he just closes and goes.

Speaker 1:
[49:31] And as an American, I found myself doing the math. How much does Christian make running this business? How much can he possibly make? There's one seating, pretty much in all restaurants in Italy. Because they open at 7, Italians come at 8, tourists come at 7, Italians come at 8, they stay till 10, 30, 11. That's it. There's one seating.

Speaker 2:
[49:52] Yeah.

Speaker 1:
[49:53] So, okay, he can feed 15 people. Let's say he's open four or five days a week. One seating. How much can he possibly make?

Speaker 2:
[50:04] Right.

Speaker 1:
[50:04] But then you realize that there is this really beautiful work-life balance that people like him have or I think that's what kind of this micro idea is trying to get to. Micro home. How much do we have to manage? Microgrocery trips. You don't have to do these massive hauls. I don't know, just some of these things I've been thinking about, like how does that look across? How does that look across the other pieces of Homemaker?

Speaker 3:
[50:45] I don't know. Kind of interesting.

Speaker 2:
[50:47] I don't know, but I wrote it down.

Speaker 1:
[50:55] I think we do live in a culture that plays on our unsatisfaction.

Speaker 2:
[51:03] Oh, for sure. I mean, between complaining and dissatisfaction, yeah, yeah, yeah, for sure.

Speaker 1:
[51:10] And it's odd to not engage. And I think people will think you're probably not relatable. And inside, you're just like, I'm actually just really fragile. Thank you.

Speaker 2:
[51:29] I'm just trying to not poison myself. Okay.

Speaker 1:
[51:33] That's exactly what it is. It's a poisoning of the mind. It's a poisoning of the mind.

Speaker 2:
[51:44] Yeah.

Speaker 1:
[51:46] That's interesting.

Speaker 2:
[51:46] There's a lot to it though. There is a lot there, Shaye, because there's women listening right now. They're like, if I didn't vocalize my distress, my family would think I'm okay. And I'm actually really worn down. And I have a lot of validation in what I get to say. There is a lot to what you've just unpacked.

Speaker 1:
[52:07] I thought about that. And you and I, I texted you about this yesterday. When I was talking to Stu about this, what I found my mind saying to me was, you need to be better. You, this is also you can perform better.

Speaker 2:
[52:26] Yeah. Which is, that's an Ange thing. That's Icky. Icky, Icky, Icky for me. That's poison for me.

Speaker 1:
[52:32] Do better, Ange.

Speaker 2:
[52:33] Try harder.

Speaker 1:
[52:34] He was saying the kindest, most generous, most understanding things. And in my mind, I'm like, he's just telling you to work better, be better. Not at all. Not at all. I think it is, it is for the homemaker, it is a reorientation. It's a heart of gratitude. If you're listening to this and you have a cell phone, you should have a heart of gratitude. Right? If you have some place that you can sleep at night, like, I mean, we can go back to the basics here. Like, these are genuine gifts. I think what this does allow you to do is not come to your spouse or your children when you're pissed. And you've now the cup's overflowing and mom's angry, and now everyone is going to pay. And instead, it's you saying-

Speaker 2:
[53:37] Not only does it keep space in the cup, it keeps a little buffer between your precious people and your-

Speaker 1:
[53:43] Those people didn't burst the pipe. Like, why am I angry at them?

Speaker 2:
[53:46] Right.

Speaker 1:
[53:46] And they're going to pay for it for two days, two to three business days.

Speaker 2:
[53:52] And a few meals, right?

Speaker 1:
[53:55] When I leave some space in the cup, when I've told myself what's true and I-

Speaker 3:
[53:59] and there-

Speaker 1:
[54:00] it is fruitful, okay?

Speaker 3:
[54:02] It is fruitful.

Speaker 1:
[54:07] What that helps you to do, I think, is to stay calm because there is capacity. So then you're actually able to go to your spouse, you're able to go to your children, you're able to go to your best friend and you're able to say, I'm not freaking out, I'm not angry, not losing my mind, not having a meltdown. This adds a little bit extra to our plate right now, or I'm feeling particularly like this. Can you pray for me? Here's really where I'm at. How do you see us making it through this problem, or these kinds of things? I think it actually enables you to be able to work through it reasonably. And I think when we've been trained, I don't know about you, but when I'm mad, my family will like, what do you need mom? Clean up the sink, take out the garbage, sweep off the porch. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Okay. Well, what is that done? But train me that when mom hits this level, that's when finally things get done. And then she has to come down and ask for everyone's forgiveness.

Speaker 3:
[55:18] Yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 1:
[55:19] Anyone else out there?

Speaker 3:
[55:21] No?

Speaker 2:
[55:21] It's true. I'll tell my kids. I tell my kids, when they do that, I do catch myself. I'll say, just so you guys know, you're not responsible for my emotions. I'm having them right now and they're not good. I'm not saying they're holy or anything, but you don't have to try to fix them. Okay? I know it feels really like you want to try to fix them, but you don't have to. I'll just have them for a while and you'll see when they're gone. It's not your job.

Speaker 1:
[55:49] Yeah. But when you know you're not in the right and you know your emotions are out of control, there's a difference between having real emotions and tantrums. Thank you. I think it's actually okay to fake it. That's what I'm going to work on doing until I can get them a little bit more level through some of this work. It's just like, yeah, you're going to have a tantrum. Okay. Well, fricking put on a smiley face like you would if you were at work, a real job, because they didn't break the, you know, they didn't do anything, they don't deserve to the wrath.

Speaker 3:
[56:24] Okay.

Speaker 1:
[56:25] Gosh, sorry about that.

Speaker 2:
[56:26] Shaye has to go. You got to go.

Speaker 1:
[56:28] I got to do a Lord of the Rings talk with Stuart for his sub-stack.

Speaker 2:
[56:31] Okay. You got to go.

Speaker 1:
[56:33] Stuffed to.

Speaker 3:
[56:34] Big important stuff to do.

Speaker 2:
[56:36] I get to.

Speaker 1:
[56:38] I get to sit down with my husband and discuss this book that he forced me to read and I'm so glad he did. So leave us comments. I know we haven't been able to dive into comments the last few episodes, but if you guys can, I think this is a good topic. So I would love to kind of spend some time there. So leave us a review, leave us a comment, share this episode with somebody who you think would enjoy it. It helps the podcast so much. It's free for you. And of course, your support of our sponsors. All of their information can be found in the show notes. It's really, really meaningful to these wonderful businesses that we love so much. They keep us on the air. So absolutely.

Speaker 2:
[57:21] Okay.

Speaker 1:
[57:21] Okay. We'll be back here with you next Monday.

Speaker 2:
[57:23] See you soon.

Speaker 1:
[57:24] Cheers. Cheers.