transcript

Speaker 1:
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Speaker 4:
[00:39] Hey friends, welcome to the Raising Boys and Girls Podcast. I'm Sissy Goff.

Speaker 3:
[00:43] And I'm David Thomas, and we're so glad you've joined us for this conversation. Let's dive in.

Speaker 4:
[00:55] Zee Pendleton and Angela Rice are life-long Nashvilleans who have a shared passion for early childhood education. They have been friends since first grade and worked together for over 30 years at St. George's Kindergarten in Nashville, Tennessee, where Zee currently serves as director and Angela as assistant director. Between them, they have five daughters and five grandchildren and lovingly say they have an additional child, which is St. George's. These powerhouse ladies have touched the lives of so many children and families over the years, including mine. And we could not be more thrilled to get to have them back on the podcast today. And you all, they have so much wisdom for parents of little. So listen all the way through, share this with your friends, with young children. There's so much helpful, rich information. We are getting to have another conversation with two of my favorite humans, who have loved on two of my other favorite humans in the last few years. And Zee and Angel, we just are delighted for you two to be with us and trust your voices and your hearts and your wisdom so much in this arena of preschoolers. And where they are today, we were just talking about how different things are in parents, that they're different among kids and among parents. The differences are really pronounced. And I hadn't had a chance to tell you this yet, but I was going to tell you all, I did this interview this morning, which I would be curious if you all would have the same reaction from a church out of town. And they wanted me to talk about preschoolers and screens. And they had pulled their church, and it's a huge church, pulled their church to find out what the most common questions were. And the first was something like, how do I prevent meltdowns with my preschooler when removing screens? And I said, well, can I back up first? Because I believe that question is more about parental anxiety than anything else. Because your preschooler is going to melt down when screens are removed. They can't regulate themselves yet. And we are seeing this trend, and we keep talking about it with parents. And I think it's very well-intentioned parents. But I think there's this message they're receiving that if I'm the bad guy, I'm going to disrupt attachment, that that's a big theory. I'm going to damage my relationship forever. I'm going to be the reason they have to see David and Sissy for counseling. That's right. And so there's this fear of, I can't say no. And anyway, I just thought when that question came up, I thought Zee and Angela would totally get it.

Speaker 5:
[03:41] I mean, we do. I mean, you can't be fearful. You cannot be afraid of your child's reaction.

Speaker 4:
[03:48] Yes.

Speaker 5:
[03:49] Because if they're doing it too, it's going to continue on throughout.

Speaker 4:
[03:55] Yes.

Speaker 5:
[03:55] You know, teenagers, right? Right. You've got to get control of that sooner rather than later.

Speaker 4:
[04:02] Yes, exactly. So, if y'all were going to say, from your vantage point as preschool directors, what feels different about toddlers right now compared to even five years ago?

Speaker 6:
[04:15] Well, I'm going to let Angela go first because she said I talked the whole time the last time. So, there you go. She took over the conversation.

Speaker 4:
[04:23] By the way, we've already talked about in a record, in an introduction about how y'all have been best friends since first grade and all the things that you mean to us and to the world.

Speaker 5:
[04:33] Y'all know what y'all mean to us and to our community. So, we're just grateful for y'all also. But, you know, I mean, like, now these children, it is that anxiety. It is that stress. It's such a young age that we're seeing. And in my notes with the questions I had put, I was in a classroom a couple of weeks ago and there was this little boy in the classroom and he was physically shaking, like shaking uncontrollably. And I'm like, what is wrong? And it was the next change. Like it was having to stay for an after school camp. And I've never seen a child physically shake with such anxiety like that before. And that was heartbreaking. Cause there was nothing I could do for him to take that physical shaking away from him. And I think that's what we see a lot.

Speaker 6:
[05:35] I mean, going back to technology, I mean, these babies, my 14 month old granddaughter can swipe. And it's because she knows that that camera, that phone, there's something on there that I want. I mean, they are drawn to it. And, you know, I mean, this was a month ago when I'm sitting there and my phone was right there and she's doing this. And I thought, wow, that, I mean, I knew two year olds, but I mean, for just one year old, just to do that. And so, you know, I feel like the children aren't getting as much connection now as, you know, I mean, even when we were raising our kids that we didn't have this, you know, yes, we made it, put them in front of the TV, and they might have, you know, watched, you know, the line on VHS. But they're just not getting the, you know, the play, you know, playing with your child is so important. In fact, I texted my girls this morning. I was like, we're doing, Angie and I are doing another podcast. And did I play with y'all? I'm not talking about games, but did I sit down and play with y'all? Like I play with your children. And they're like, oh yeah, I'm sure. Yeah, of course. And I'm like, did I? And then my youngest spiked in. She goes, no, I think you had my big sisters. They played. But I mean, now it's such a joy to play Lego and ninjas with my grandson. And it's also providing a good lesson, a teachable moment because we were building a couple of weeks ago. He had all these little figurines and he was taking the ones. We were going to have a war. And that's what, you know, and he was taking the ones that were already made. And I said, well, James, that's not fair. I mean, look how my army is very small because I'm having to put it together. And he goes, well, I had to put these together at some point.

Speaker 5:
[07:36] Yeah.

Speaker 6:
[07:37] And so, okay. But I mean, just that, you know, and I said, well, you know, if you're playing with a friend, just, I mean, you're giving things. And I think that is maybe what is lacking.

Speaker 5:
[07:51] It's the interaction with a peer or with a parent. And the screen is not providing interaction with the physical being.

Speaker 4:
[07:59] Whether that's their screen or our screen, right? Right.

Speaker 5:
[08:01] Right.

Speaker 6:
[08:01] Right.

Speaker 5:
[08:02] Yes.

Speaker 4:
[08:02] Because sometimes it's, I mean, I feel convicted of that with the boys.

Speaker 5:
[08:05] Oh, me too.

Speaker 4:
[08:05] But my phone, yeah. And I think about it, I'm like, why am I looking at Instagram?

Speaker 5:
[08:09] Why can't I look at them? I know.

Speaker 6:
[08:11] And I mean, they love to look at pictures, you know, which, you know, okay, we're going back and looking at memories and that's fun, but it's still a screen.

Speaker 4:
[08:21] Right.

Speaker 6:
[08:21] And yes, I mean, I'm just as guilty. And, you know.

Speaker 5:
[08:27] There'll be times I have to tell her, put your phone down, pulling in today. I'm like, she was on her phone. I'm like, now you need to put your phone down and look at the new edition, like look at what they're doing, you know. And we're just, it's.

Speaker 6:
[08:40] But it's like, you know, you didn't have it. And now all of a sudden it's so important.

Speaker 5:
[08:45] Right.

Speaker 6:
[08:46] And that's what children are seeing with their parents or their teachers or all of us. I mean, you can't go anywhere without seeing somebody walking, scrolling at the grocery store, shopping anywhere. And so, I mean, I get it. But we need to kind of flip it back to actually being together, playing together down on the floor. You know, let's set up a big thing, a Barbie village, whatever. But yeah.

Speaker 5:
[09:17] And you know, and I think the parents do have to tell their children no. Okay. You, you've had a little bit of screen time. Now we're going to put it away. You can throw your fit. You can have your tantrum. But the, it's going away. And you just set up that expectation from the get-go that.

Speaker 6:
[09:36] Put a time on.

Speaker 5:
[09:37] There's limits. And your time is done. And you have your fit. It's okay.

Speaker 4:
[09:42] Yes. It's so good.

Speaker 3:
[09:44] Okay. You're answering this next question already. And let's just build on it. So where else are you all seeing evidence of kids struggling, emotionally, socially, behaviorally in all these years of work?

Speaker 5:
[09:58] I think there's just so much happening to these children at a younger age. The pressures that are already on them. And we've seen a lot of children at a younger age with bigger issues and...

Speaker 6:
[10:17] Big feelings.

Speaker 5:
[10:18] Big feelings.

Speaker 6:
[10:19] Knowing how to control these feelings.

Speaker 5:
[10:21] The self-regulation. How do they communicate that to their family, their friends?

Speaker 6:
[10:29] And they're over-scheduled. They're tired. They come to school tired. And there needs to be boundaries and limits and consistency in your daily routines, which I feel like when you've got all this going on... And this isn't anything that the average person doesn't know. When you become a parent, but I think in today's society, it's just hard to do. Well, so-and-so signed up for tennis, and so-and-so signed up for soccer. We got to do this, we got to do this, and we're going to grab dinner on the way home, and we're going to go to church on Wednesday nights. And all of it is good stuff. But it's just the children are worn out and tired. And I think that has an effect.

Speaker 4:
[11:11] Well, and to hear y'all say that, I mean, I think you are seeing those kids firsthand, coming in, in the mornings, and to see them tired. I mean, I think that's sobering to me and convicting that we really do need to do something different.

Speaker 6:
[11:26] And we start at 8.30. So when they go off to kindergarten, and they've got an extra hour and a half to their day.

Speaker 5:
[11:35] That's a big adjustment.

Speaker 4:
[11:36] That is a big adjustment.

Speaker 6:
[11:37] So, you know, it's like I said, they're all going to be okay. But I feel like there's just something missing now. Just, there's just a layer of what are these kids going to look like 10 years from now?

Speaker 4:
[11:54] Yes.

Speaker 6:
[11:54] It's kind of scary. I mean, and I say that speaking, you know, I have grandchildren that are these age children and just thinking, oh gosh, you know, I mean, everything. What technology is going to be out there, you know? And we all have to remind ourselves about the phone and the screen time.

Speaker 4:
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[15:50] With 100-day risk-free trial, free shipping and returns, you can experience this game-changing cookware with zero risk. And now back to our show. Well, let's flip it a little bit to some strengths. What are some strengths you're seeing in kids today that might surprise parents?

Speaker 6:
[16:10] They can do it. I mean, they can do it if they are allowed to do it.

Speaker 5:
[16:14] And that's the point.

Speaker 6:
[16:16] They have to be allowed to do it. Is it easier to carry them in and carry their bag? Yeah, it is. Is it easier to put on their coat, not teach them how to put on their coat? Yeah, it sure is. And faster. And faster.

Speaker 5:
[16:31] But the looks on their faces when they come in and they can carry that bag or that lunchbox, you know, they are so proud of themselves when they walk in the door that they can do it.

Speaker 6:
[16:42] And that helps with the separation from a parent, you know, it just helps if they are being independent and doing things for themselves. And I mean, often say, give them chores. Even a two or three year old, take your cup to the sink, take your plate and put it away. Your socks go in the dirty hamper. And that in itself is teaching two step directions, which they're very expressive now. Children, they know all these words. I mean, my granddaughter said the other day, I was FaceTiming screen. But she had these little ducks and one was off to the side and she goes, she's just sad and frustrated. And I said, and she's two and a half. And I said, frustrated. She goes, she's sad and frustrated. And so they know these words, but like they, you know, it's just hard for them to, to really know what some of these words mean.

Speaker 4:
[17:41] Yes, or know what to do with them.

Speaker 6:
[17:42] Exactly. So big feelings and not being able to control them.

Speaker 4:
[17:46] Yes. Yes.

Speaker 6:
[17:48] Because I think they lose control and their parents are saying, you're frustrated. I hear you.

Speaker 5:
[17:53] You're frustrated.

Speaker 6:
[17:54] The gentle parenting.

Speaker 5:
[17:55] The gentle parenting. Tell me about why you're frustrated.

Speaker 6:
[17:59] Right.

Speaker 4:
[18:00] Right. And not helping them learn to work through it. Yeah.

Speaker 3:
[18:03] Yeah. We've talked about some differences in kids. Can we talk about some differences in parents?

Speaker 4:
[18:07] Sure.

Speaker 3:
[18:08] Would love to hear you all speak more to differences you're observing with parents in this particular season. And also, what are parents carrying that maybe they weren't carrying before?

Speaker 5:
[18:20] I think parents' technology. There again, it's the technology. It's the keeping up with the Joneses. Lives are on Instagram. On the Facebook, they're seeing these snapshots in other people's lives. And yeah, it all looks great, but really when they go home at the end of the day, it's not all great. They're not showing the bad things, the bad parts of the day, the hard parts of the day. It's just the good parts. And that's not reality. And these people, they see it. And it's the pressure of, well, my family has to look happy like that. You know, so there again, it's that technology component. And I think parents are too busy. You know, they're busy in their lives. And then, like Zee said, they've got their children doing so many different things, and they're busy. You know, they just need to slow down, be in the moment, live in the moment with your children, and enjoy the time, because it is fleeting, which we have talked about before.

Speaker 6:
[19:29] And I think it's being busy and having all these activities. It's hard to be consistent with your discipline. Yeah. You know, so again, it goes back to everything. I am, you know, I'm just tired. So I'm going to do it for them. Oh gosh, we're up till 8.39 again. Oh gosh, you know, it's the weekend. We're going to be up till 10. So, and I was a parent too. And I honestly have no idea how I got through it. I still...

Speaker 5:
[19:58] The village, it takes a village to raise children. We were each other's village. We still are, no matter how old our children are. You know, you have to surround yourself with an awesome community that has good intentions and wants good things for you and your family.

Speaker 6:
[20:17] And life is not fair.

Speaker 5:
[20:18] You know, the same values. No, it's not fair.

Speaker 6:
[20:20] And you're not their friend. You've got to... Right now, if you don't set the limits and boundaries, I mean, once that horse gets out of the stable, I mean, it's...

Speaker 5:
[20:29] You can't rein it back in. It's going to get a burn harder.

Speaker 6:
[20:32] And, you know, it is funny to see some of the children that are now high school age or college and see, oh yeah, that's...

Speaker 5:
[20:42] We called that back in the day. We knew that was just going to turn out.

Speaker 6:
[20:46] Yeah, it's very... It is just...

Speaker 5:
[20:51] It's a different world.

Speaker 4:
[20:52] Yeah.

Speaker 5:
[20:53] You know, than a couple of years ago. And I think for years we've seen a gradual change. But for some reason, this year, it's been a drastic change.

Speaker 4:
[21:05] That's so interesting, y'all.

Speaker 5:
[21:06] In the parenting and the parents. And, you know, we discussed this a lot. You know, what is causing this change?

Speaker 4:
[21:14] Yes.

Speaker 5:
[21:15] What is the difference?

Speaker 4:
[21:16] Yeah.

Speaker 5:
[21:17] And I just... We don't know. I mean...

Speaker 6:
[21:20] Yeah.

Speaker 4:
[21:21] Well, I'm so glad for y'all to say that. And it reminds me this new book that we have coming out, which we want to give y'all each one today.

Speaker 5:
[21:29] Yes, can't wait to read it.

Speaker 4:
[21:29] But it's been so interesting. There have literally, every time we post about the changes, and we've been calling it this crisis of capability, there are three educators who say, thank you so much, please talk more about this. We're seeing this in our classroom every day, from preschool through high school. And I think parents that are listening, I mean, really, your kids' teachers spend as much time almost with your kids as you do.

Speaker 5:
[21:58] Correct.

Speaker 4:
[21:58] And they are seeing it, and they're seeing the changes among, not just your child, and your child may be really capable, but they're surrounded by other kids who are struggling. And we've got to be paying attention. We've got to do something to right the ship.

Speaker 6:
[22:11] Partners in preschool, elementary, high school, and you need us, we need you. Everybody benefits. It's a win-win if we all are on the same team. And I think what we've seen a lot, and definitely the last couple of years, is that's your job to do that. I can't possibly teach them their phone number, and not that anybody's ever said that, but they're not learning their phone number. We can't teach them all this stuff and then it not be practiced at home. Oh, but school is where they need to be learning this. 100% agree. However, you're not asking us to teach algebra because you are going to pay somebody to do that or whatever. But for us, we're trying to help these children be socially and emotionally ready to go to the next phase. And I mean, I'm just not sure that all of them are prepared, you know?

Speaker 4:
[23:18] Yes. And it takes partnership to get them there, as you said, that village. Yeah. So you've addressed this a little bit. Where do you all see parents unintentionally getting in the way of building capability in this stage of life? With the best of intentions, so often.

Speaker 5:
[23:35] Yeah. I mean, I think it's like we said, carrying their child's bag in, or, you know, letting them carry it in, giving them basic skills to help them succeed down the road and be confident. And they have to be willing to let their children make mistakes.

Speaker 6:
[23:54] Yeah. That's the biggest thing, is allow them to make mistakes.

Speaker 5:
[23:58] Because it's okay. We all make mistakes in life.

Speaker 4:
[24:01] Yes.

Speaker 5:
[24:01] And it's okay.

Speaker 4:
[24:03] Yes.

Speaker 5:
[24:03] It's okay to make mistakes. Don't feel the pressure that you cannot make a mistake.

Speaker 6:
[24:10] Yeah. I mean, they don't want them to hurt for anything. And I get that. I don't want mine to hurt for anything. But at the same time, if they don't, then they don't learn to be capable.

Speaker 4:
[24:24] Yes.

Speaker 6:
[24:26] And, you know, that's what we all want. We want them to be strong, capable adults.

Speaker 4:
[24:31] Right. Right.

Speaker 3:
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Speaker 4:
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Speaker 3:
[26:06] A protest?

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Speaker 3:
[27:35] And now back to the show. What would you two say are the most common questions or concerns parents bring to you?

Speaker 5:
[27:43] Well, this is a good one. Because I came up to Zee's office and I'm like, okay, look, you answer your notes, I'm going to answer mine, we'll look and compare. And we were talking and we were at this one. And I said, to me, it's very interesting. I used to have parents in my office two or three times a week, you know, sitting, you know, asking advice, wanting to talk. And now they're not asking questions. They're not in my office. They are seeking questions, answers from ChatGPT. Google.

Speaker 6:
[28:18] Right. You know, social media.

Speaker 5:
[28:20] They're not coming to us. You know, the professionals, the established.

Speaker 6:
[28:25] Yeah.

Speaker 5:
[28:26] And they don't want it. They don't want the advice or the knowledge.

Speaker 6:
[28:31] And so more often than not, I mean, we will have these conversations, but we're initiating them. And so, okay, so what do you mean? I mean, my four and a half year old, you know, needs to be potty trained. What do I need to do? Well, I mean, if your child's four and a half and you're not working on this at home, then, and these are some real, you know, that's really going on. And, you know, they don't want to hear that, and why don't we just work on, you know, some fine motor or some, oh, no, no, no, no, no. I mean, and it is harder and harder where it used to be, you know, we would make a recommendation and they'd be like, oh, thank you so much for, for anything. And we're not putting a mark on your child, we're just trying to help your child. And, you know, and behavioral, I mean, you know, we just have to say, listen, this is what we're seeing, your child is a bull in a china shop and he's been, you know, saying stuff on the playground to others because they're playing, what is that, K-pop? Demon Hunters or zombies?

Speaker 5:
[29:50] That was a good one. And I was like, what is K-pop, Demon Hunters? Oh, no, I had asked my six-year-old grandson.

Speaker 4:
[29:56] What is that?

Speaker 5:
[29:58] I did not know what that was.

Speaker 6:
[30:00] And, yeah, I mean, and so I think there's just, so they're hearing these big words and repeating them, and they don't know what they are. They don't know what murder is.

Speaker 4:
[30:12] Right.

Speaker 6:
[30:13] But they're, you know, I'm going to come to your house. And you know, you can't say that, right?

Speaker 5:
[30:19] The parents don't want to hear the negative part. And no parent wants to hear anything negative about their child. But when we're saying it to them, we're doing it with the best intentions to get them the help and the guidance that they need. And you know, we do know early intervention works, and it is the best life-changing course to take. And these parents, a lot of them don't want to hear that.

Speaker 6:
[30:49] They don't want to hear it until it's almost too late.

Speaker 4:
[30:53] So when a toddler is struggling with big emotions or dysregulation, we're asking on their behalf, what does helping them build regulation actually look like in real time? And I'm going to even back that up. Or maybe it's a part two of the question. But I do, I mean, we are trying to refer to occupational therapists a lot. And that's something you all do so beautifully. So when you talk about how to build regulation, but also when that feels important, because the two are certainly tied together. Yes.

Speaker 6:
[31:26] Right. And I mean, I think we have a yoga teacher now.

Speaker 4:
[31:30] I hear about yoga. I actually see yoga movements sometimes.

Speaker 6:
[31:33] It's amazing because it teaches them the calming exercises, the breathing exercises, and how to self-regulate, which is hard to teach.

Speaker 4:
[31:43] Right.

Speaker 6:
[31:43] And it's also part of our curriculum, which goes with everything else. And so we try to say, Hey, parents, if they're having trouble calming down, let's do this. Ms. Kimby says, blow bubbles or whatever Ms. Kimby says.

Speaker 5:
[32:02] Take a deep breath. Three deep breaths.

Speaker 6:
[32:04] Yes. And offering simple choices is just to not overwhelm them. If you say, okay, what do you want for a snack? We're going to, and you give them five choices. Well, of course, they are overwhelmed. And they, so sometimes offering two choices simplify it.

Speaker 5:
[32:22] Make it simple.

Speaker 6:
[32:24] And I think once you learn to do that, it makes everything easier, you know? The night before, hey, which outfit do you want to wear?

Speaker 5:
[32:33] Right.

Speaker 6:
[32:33] One or the other.

Speaker 5:
[32:34] And it's hard. It's not, you know, it's not easy. You know, any of this. And you just, you have to be in the moment and try to help them get down on their level, see what they're seeing, you know, talk about what they feel inside. Yes. And just try to understand their big emotions that they have. Yeah.

Speaker 3:
[32:57] Okay. It's a beautiful transition into this next question. Let's talk a little bit about building agency with kids in this space developmentally. So what would you all say are just some small, everyday ways with toddlers? What are simple kind of real world reps?

Speaker 5:
[33:12] Spending time with your children. Limiting the screen time. As I said before, be in the moment with your children. Give them the love and the support that they need. Show them that. Tell them how much you love them and support them. And just try to build their self-esteem and build them up.

Speaker 6:
[33:35] And let them do things on their own.

Speaker 5:
[33:37] Yes.

Speaker 6:
[33:38] And if they fail, it's okay. I mean, we all are going to fail. It's something. But it helps them be more capable. You know, and just to piggyback on what she said, playing with them, I think that's just, it does go by so fast. And like, I can't even remember if I, girls, I hope I played with you.

Speaker 5:
[33:59] You did. You had Polly Pocket. She liked the Polly Pocket Barbies. I remember how you lined the bins up.

Speaker 6:
[34:05] Well, good. I'm glad you remember.

Speaker 5:
[34:07] Yes, I remember.

Speaker 6:
[34:08] But it goes by so fast. And then all of a sudden, you're a grandparent and you do get to remember all the fun stuff, because I mean, you're living in that moment. And that's not what I think as parents, it was fast and furious when we were doing it. And I know it is now. And it's hard. It's not easy. And it's the hardest thing. It's what I told my girls, the hardest two things you will do, is staying married and raising your children. And it, I mean, but you do it.

Speaker 5:
[34:44] And I think we're now spoiled because we get to do it with our grandchildren. You know, we have learned. And I think as a parent, you know, these are things people can tell you, but you do have to live it. You have to learn it on your own. And for the majority of them, I hope for them that, you know, they do enjoy it and embrace that time, because it is so fleeting. And like you said, in the blink of an eye, all of a sudden, you're sitting there playing with your own children, and then you turn around, and now you're playing with your grandchildren. But you know, we don't take for granted. I mean, how lucky we are to have that role, that we get to do that. You know, but I think it's come with life lessons.

Speaker 6:
[35:30] Yeah, it has to. I can't even remember if I did it.

Speaker 5:
[35:33] I know, you did. You're good. You did.

Speaker 4:
[35:35] And how lucky those grandchildren are to have the two of you.

Speaker 5:
[35:38] Well, they are the, I mean, both of us adore our grandchildren. It's crazy. I mean, my husband and I are obsessed with our two.

Speaker 6:
[35:48] I mean, it's awful. It's just like, you know, the boys, I mean, it is absolutely the, you know, Brad and I, my husband say it is the only thing in life that's not overrated. And it is amazing. And we were just there being parents, I mean, yesterday.

Speaker 5:
[36:10] And we were just little girls playing in the dollhouse.

Speaker 4:
[36:13] That's right.

Speaker 5:
[36:13] You all were.

Speaker 6:
[36:14] And I don't want to crush on all these parents because I do know it's hard. And I know that.

Speaker 5:
[36:21] In times of change, you know, life is hard.

Speaker 4:
[36:24] Right.

Speaker 5:
[36:24] Everything in life is hard. Parenting, work, social life, it is all hard.

Speaker 6:
[36:30] And if you're seeing all of these other people, these great homes and great trips and, you know, oh, their children are going so and so, I mean, it is hard. And it's hard not to want to keep up.

Speaker 5:
[36:44] Yes.

Speaker 6:
[36:45] You know, I get that. I mean, I, again, influence.

Speaker 5:
[36:47] We're all guilty of that to some degree. We all see something and go, oh, wish I had that. You know, the grass is always greener, right?

Speaker 6:
[36:56] Yeah, that's right.

Speaker 5:
[36:58] So be thankful for what you have.

Speaker 4:
[37:00] Yes. Yes. So thinking about the parent who feels stuck or feels like, I just don't know if I'm getting it right. You all have said so many great things. Are there two to three things you would say, I really want you to focus on this in today's time?

Speaker 6:
[37:18] Let them fail. I mean, I think that is one of the biggest things because it's so hard. And I think it's at any point in life, you want your child to succeed no matter what. But learning the basics, sometimes they got to make a mistake, stand up, get up, do it again. And that's hard. I mean, even to watch my grandchildren, and for my daughters to tell me something they did, and their punishment or whatever. And I'm like, oh my gosh, are you kidding me? But yeah, I mean, I think that would be my biggest thing, would to let them have the opportunity to fail. Yes. And be consistent with discipline. Boundaries are everything. And I say that because my husband was a very big boundary guy. And if I had had to do it, I am a softy. I'm a softy with everybody around me. I mean, I am, she'll tell you. Teachers, parents, kids, I am. And so I'm thankful that he was, he drew the line in the sand and they didn't step over it very often.

Speaker 4:
[38:38] But you're right. I mean, boundaries matter so much. And we keep talking about this, but we, it is amazing how many parents will do parent consults with and we'll talk about boundaries and they'll look at us like, really, you can still do that in this day and time. And yes, you can. You're hearing it from all four of us.

Speaker 5:
[38:56] Yes.

Speaker 4:
[38:57] Boundaries create security in kids.

Speaker 5:
[38:59] Yes, it does. They need that.

Speaker 4:
[39:00] Yes. And maintain security in kids. It's both.

Speaker 6:
[39:03] I mean, I need boundaries.

Speaker 4:
[39:05] Right.

Speaker 6:
[39:06] Tell them what I'd be like if I didn't have boundaries.

Speaker 5:
[39:09] And I think it doesn't matter, like, my children, 35, 30. And I still don't know if I'm doing it right.

Speaker 4:
[39:17] That's true.

Speaker 5:
[39:18] You know, in this life, you just do the best you can.

Speaker 6:
[39:22] Yes.

Speaker 5:
[39:23] And you pray that you're doing the right thing. But I question myself, even at this day and time.

Speaker 4:
[39:29] Sure.

Speaker 5:
[39:29] You know, oh, maybe I shouldn't have done that. Maybe I shouldn't have said this, but I do the best I can.

Speaker 4:
[39:35] Right. Y'all, we're so grateful for the two of you.

Speaker 1:
[39:40] Oh my goodness. We're so grateful that you wanted us back.

Speaker 5:
[39:44] We just love y'all and this place. And it's just so happy.

Speaker 6:
[39:47] For what you give to the Nashville community is brilliant.

Speaker 3:
[39:51] Well, I'm right back at you.

Speaker 4:
[39:52] Yeah, that's the truth.

Speaker 3:
[39:53] And I want to say this too, before we wrap up. I keep thinking back on the two of you answering that question about how parents really aren't asking questions and how troubled I am by your answer to that. And I want to say to parents...

Speaker 4:
[40:08] It's very sad.

Speaker 3:
[40:09] It is. And I want to say to parents listening, let's remind ourselves all AI can do is offer us information. That's all it can do is just access and offer information. It cannot offer wisdom. And what the two...

Speaker 5:
[40:25] Or feelings. There's no feeling.

Speaker 3:
[40:27] Or perspective. And what the two of you have done throughout our conversation, what you have to offer all these parents is wisdom. Decades of lived experience, professional experience. And so I just want to remind parents, please consider that because you all are reminding us there's just a wealth of wisdom between the two of you that parents need access to. So wisdom over information.

Speaker 6:
[40:55] And we love to talk to them.

Speaker 5:
[40:57] Yes, we do. I mean, our doors are always open. I have Kleenex sitting right there. You can come and cry. You can talk. We can do whatever. Kind of like y'all here. We'll do whatever we need to do.

Speaker 4:
[41:09] And while you may not have Zee and Angel at your school, which I'm sorry that you don't, those of you listening, you have somebody that's on your child's team.

Speaker 5:
[41:17] Yes.

Speaker 4:
[41:17] Exactly. And the value of the wisdom and the value of getting to watch your child when you're not there. And the things that you see in terms of their interactions with peers, the places they might struggle that we don't get to see sometimes when we're living with them. I just, it is invaluable. The two of you are invaluable people.

Speaker 6:
[41:36] Well, I would just encourage any parent looking for advice to look to someone who's been through it. I mean, a parent with older children or somebody you respect at your church or your school, you know, a family member who's been through it. I mean, my girls call me all the time, what do you think? Do you think this is okay? Like, yes, I think this is okay. I do. Do you think I did this right? Yeah, I think, you know, but I do think it's hard because every, I mean, I think, what did we do without Google? I mean, you know, well, we talked to each other.

Speaker 5:
[42:11] I mean, we called each other on the phone and said, oh my gosh, this happened. I mean, we had phone conversations. We weren't texting.

Speaker 6:
[42:19] And there's not even that anymore.

Speaker 5:
[42:21] You know, actually speaking to each other.

Speaker 4:
[42:23] Yeah.

Speaker 6:
[42:24] And I mean, it is going back to, you know, the swiping, you know, they're also walking around with the phone, you know, to their, you know, just like they're playing, imitating.

Speaker 5:
[42:36] And their kids are on the playground.

Speaker 4:
[42:38] Wow.

Speaker 6:
[42:39] Or their grandmother.

Speaker 5:
[42:42] Or their yaya.

Speaker 6:
[42:43] Or their yaya. But y'all are the best. We love being here.

Speaker 4:
[42:48] Oh, you know, we're so grateful.

Speaker 3:
[42:52] Yes, we are.

Speaker 4:
[42:56] David, what a team we have that we get to call friends who help make this podcast possible.

Speaker 3:
[43:01] Chris Starritt, our engineer, our management team at KCH, and we are thrilled to be a part of the That Sounds Fun Network. Our music was created by the insanely talented Dave Haywood of Lady A.

Speaker 4:
[43:16] And if this podcast felt helpful to you, please consider subscribing, liking, sharing, all the things.

Speaker 3:
[43:23] We are grateful for you and cheering you on always.

Speaker 7:
[43:36] Every act of change begins with a neighbor, with someone saying, We take care of each other here. In food banks and food pantries, neighbors pack fresh food and dignity into every box, moving food from farms to families through Feeding America's nationwide network. So when that box reaches a home, it carries more than food. It carries a promise, that together we can end hunger. Feeding America, led by neighbors. Give now to end hunger at feedingamerica.org.

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