transcript

Speaker 1:
[00:00] K-pop demon hunters, Saja Boys Breakfast Meal and Huntrix Meal have just dropped at McDonald's. They're calling this a battle for the fans. What do you say to that, Rumi?

Speaker 2:
[00:09] It's not a battle. So glad the Saja Boys could take breakfast and give our meal the rest of the day.

Speaker 3:
[00:14] It is an honor to share.

Speaker 2:
[00:16] No, it's our honor.

Speaker 3:
[00:17] It is our larger honor.

Speaker 1:
[00:19] No, really, stop. You can really feel the respect in this battle. Pick a meal to pick a side.

Speaker 4:
[00:28] I participated in McDonald's while supplies last. No one goes to Hanks for his spreadsheets. They go for a darn good pizza. Lately though, the shop's been quiet. So Hank decides to bring back the $1 slice. He asks Copilot in Microsoft Excel to look at his sales and costs, to help him see if he can afford it. Copilot shows Hank where the money's going and which little extras make the dollar slice work. Now Hanks has a line out the door. Hank makes the pizza, Copilot handles the spreadsheets. Learn more at m365copilot.com/work.

Speaker 5:
[01:01] You're listening to Comedy Central. From the most trusted journalists at Comedy Central, it's America's only source for news. This is The Daily Show with your host, Jon Stewart.

Speaker 6:
[01:38] Nice to see you, everybody. Oh! Thank you so much. Welcome to The Daily Show. My name is Jon Stewart.

Speaker 7:
[01:43] Great show for you tonight. Later on, we're going to be joined by the president of the United Nations General Assembly, Annalena Baerbock. We'll be joining us. She's the president. And we will talk about how nobody knew that the United Nations General Assembly had a president. I did not know that. The ladies and gentlemen, I want to start the program tonight in a slightly different place. I want to give credit where credit is due. We don't obviously often do this. The president did a solid over the weekend. President Trump signed an executive order in front of his fraternity brothers, fast-tracking the FDA process for novel psychedelic drug treatments for veterans suffering from all forms of PTSD and other psychiatric conditions, including addiction. I'm sorry. I'll let the president explain off the cuff as he does.

Speaker 8:
[02:40] In a 2024 study from Stanford University, 30 special operation veterans with traumatic brain injuries underwent an eye-bogaine treatment. Eye-bogaine. Remember the name. Is that pronounced relatively properly what you said? Yes. I don't want to get it wrong. Eye-bogaine.

Speaker 7:
[03:08] Body, body, body. Eyebow game, eyeball game. Rogaine with an eyeball, it's easy. By the way, they gave you the easiest to hallucinogenic to pronounce. They could have thrown f***ing ayahuasca in there. Psilocybin. But they gave you eyeball game. But even when they dumbed the shit down for him, it's a problem. I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I'm falling into old habits. It's good, you did a good thing. I'm nitpicking. I apologize. A lot of the people are going to get the help they need.

Speaker 8:
[03:40] Hi, Bo Gen, because it's so important. I've experienced an 80 to 90 percent reduction in symptoms of depression and anxiety within one month. Can I have some, please?

Speaker 9:
[03:50] I'll take whatever it takes.

Speaker 7:
[04:06] Oh, my God. He's depressed, too. Hey, don't be depressed, sir. Trump won't be president forever. But I have to say, there are little moments in these little Oval Office gatherings that are somewhat revelatory of the president's psyche and really a good starting place for any accredited mental health professional.

Speaker 8:
[04:33] I don't have time to be depressed. You know, if you stay busy enough, maybe that works, too. That's what I do.

Speaker 6:
[04:42] You can't get depressed if you stay busy.

Speaker 7:
[04:45] It's a little thing called outrunning the darkness. You can't be depressed if the sadness can't catch you. And to be frank, I don't think Donald Trump should treat that with hallucinogenics anyway. But if he did, would we even notice? If he took hallucinogenics, he'd be like, They're eating the cats and dogs!

Speaker 6:
[05:19] Right, right near my beautiful ballroom!

Speaker 7:
[05:23] By the way, did you know I'm Jesus? The poor fellow in the bed is still sick. It really freaks me out every time I look at that picture. All right, you know what, though? Maybe Trump's already taken them, given how intensely he focused on the signing of this bill. I mean, he signed the shit out of this bill.

Speaker 8:
[06:12] Dude, that's a good one. See that, Joe? You think Biden can do that?

Speaker 7:
[06:31] Hey, man, you ever really looked at your signature on weed? Look, I do, I think it's a good thing what he did. I swear to God, it's a good thing what he did. And this is not political. I don't mean this as political, but it was weird as shit the way he signed that. It was weird as shit. I'm looking at that signature right now. Does that even say Donald Trump? The last name is longer than his first name. It looks like it says Leonard Skinner.

Speaker 6:
[07:15] It doesn't make any sense. None of this makes sense.

Speaker 7:
[07:24] I'm sorry, I'm trying to derail the program. Can we go back to just play him writing the last name? I swear to God, he doesn't write Trump.

Speaker 6:
[07:37] That's not right.

Speaker 7:
[07:39] That's too many letters. I counted like 10 letters unless he's just adding characters like this is his Wi-Fi password. It doesn't say Donald Trump. I would make sure this executive order is even legal because it appears to have been signed off by David Hasselhoff.

Speaker 6:
[08:00] That's us, David Hasselhoff.

Speaker 7:
[08:03] But the signing capped off a bit of a winning streak for the president, the biggest news being the Friday announcement of his total victory over Iran.

Speaker 10:
[08:11] President Trump marches to victory.

Speaker 11:
[08:13] Trump told the media Iran has agreed to everything.

Speaker 12:
[08:16] The announcement really sparked a huge surge on Wall Street. New record highs on the S&P 500 and the NASDAQ crude oil prices falling off a cliff.

Speaker 8:
[08:24] Most of the points are already negotiated and agreed to. You'll be very happy. A great and brilliant day for the world.

Speaker 7:
[08:41] If I may offer you a humble apology, I was one of the naysayers who said this president got us into a war on an impulse. I said this president didn't have a plan for a coherent exit strategy. I said this president was cavalier about the damage that this war of choice would cause. I said this president seems to slosh when he moves because of the venous insufficiency. You're like a milk carton when you push across a kid's dick. I said all of those things, and I would like to take back three of those statements. He does slosh. But the president's allies knew all along what time it was.

Speaker 10:
[09:30] The president is playing chess when the rest of the world is playing checkers.

Speaker 7:
[09:36] That's how he does it. I can't believe at the beginning, when the whole thing started, that the rest of the world didn't say, wait, why are you playing? Why do you have a horse in a castle? And we have the little disks. What kind of chess were they playing?

Speaker 13:
[09:52] He's playing three-dimensional chess.

Speaker 14:
[09:54] Four-dimensional chess.

Speaker 15:
[09:55] Playing 5D chess.

Speaker 7:
[10:04] That's the chess where the seats move and they spray water at you. I'm sorry, Analyst Dean Cain, could you expand on that?

Speaker 15:
[10:18] President Trump is playing 5D chess. The dominoes are slowly just falling and toppling.

Speaker 7:
[10:27] What game is he playing? He's playing chess and then the dominoes, he's at checkers ordering dominoes. The point is, I'm hungry. And while the world played Jenga, Donald Trump is playing hungry, hungry hippos, whatever the analogy is. Because of Trump's brilliant interdimensional Jedi mind, he basically got everything he wanted from Iran.

Speaker 8:
[10:52] Iran has removed or is removing all of the sea mines. No money will exchange hands in any way, shape or form. They will never have a nuclear weapon. The USA will get all nuclear dust.

Speaker 7:
[11:06] The nuclear dust. Does that mean we also get the nuclear dust bunnies? It's so adorable how they beg for death. But look, the enriched uranium was a huge part of this war. The fact that Iran has agreed to transfer all of its enriched uranium to the United States, it's a win.

Speaker 16:
[11:31] The Iranian Foreign Ministry says Iran's enriched uranium is not going to be transferred anywhere under any circumstances.

Speaker 7:
[11:45] Just checkers is a tougher game than I thought. All right, so there's still a couple of fine details to work out on the nuclear aspect, but the truth is, we only fought this war to get Iran to open the Strait of Hormuz. They closed when we started this war. But let's keep the main thing the main thing.

Speaker 8:
[12:03] Iran has just announced that the Strait of Hormuz is fully open and ready for business and full passage.

Speaker 7:
[12:13] Yeah. That news is Ibo-gain to my ears. Could Biden have done that? No, because as I said earlier, the Strait was already open. But you heard it straight from the president. He declared the Strait of Hormuz is open.

Speaker 15:
[12:37] Iran declared the Strait of Hormuz closed.

Speaker 7:
[12:49] Oh, boy. All right. Iran is directly contradicting President Trump. He's not going to like that.

Speaker 17:
[12:57] On Truth Social, he wrote the following, the United States is going to knock out every single power plant, every single bridge in Iran. No more Mr. Nice Guy.

Speaker 7:
[13:06] Civilian infrastructure gone. No more Mr. Nice Guy. Say hello to Senor War Crime.

Speaker 18:
[13:16] Pew, pew, pew, pew.

Speaker 7:
[13:20] It's all right. It's all right. The audience seems to be split between old people and younger people, all right?

Speaker 6:
[13:31] I think that's very clear what's happening here.

Speaker 7:
[13:40] Now, you might be thinking to yourself, how did this happen? How did the certainty of total resolution that Trump announced morph into the uncertainty of total annihilation that Trump announced in less time than it took Carole G to own Coachella? Cool down. Hey, who wants an edible? Multivitamin. An edible multivitamin. See, what the naysayers don't understand about Trump is that what appears to the outside observer as chaos is actually the 5D-focused stratagems of a master negotiator. This is the art of the deal. You know, we never got to see Henry Ford assemble a car or Thomas Edison put the first filament into a light bulb or Malcolm Only fans reveal his bare foot in the town square. But thanks to God, the Iran War has given us all an opportunity. This is history. To witness in real time, Donald Trump applied the sacred principles of the art of the deal. Let's begin just a few weeks back, when Donald Trump and his bombing buddy Bebe launched fierce military strikes on Iran in the middle of a negotiation. Setting the stage for Art of the Deal, step one, state your demands.

Speaker 18:
[15:16] The president, declaring in a truth social post, there will be no deal with Iran except unconditional surrender.

Speaker 8:
[15:23] It's where they cry uncle or when they can't fight any longer, there's nobody around to cry on.

Speaker 7:
[15:30] Uncle, they cry uncle. I believe the president may be confusing war with tickle fighting, but the point is same. I remember when Lee cried uncle at Appomattox. But you always start every negotiation by demanding everything which sets you up for step two, Art of the Deal, the consequences of not exceeding to step one.

Speaker 8:
[15:56] We're going to hit them extremely hard over the next two to three weeks. We're going to bring them back to the stone ages where they belong.

Speaker 7:
[16:06] Yabba Dabba Oop. Total Surrender or Total Destruction? Game, set, and I'm sorry.

Speaker 14:
[16:15] Iran has shut down the Strait of Hormuz.

Speaker 7:
[16:19] Counter move. Shutting down the Strait of Hormuz? Well cry me a whore river. What's that going to do?

Speaker 12:
[16:29] The closure of the Strait of Hormuz causing chaos to the global economy.

Speaker 3:
[16:33] Constructing the global supply chain.

Speaker 12:
[16:35] Causing gas and food prices to surge.

Speaker 14:
[16:37] Skyrocketing jet fuel costs.

Speaker 17:
[16:39] Sending fertilizer prices soaring.

Speaker 16:
[16:41] A global economic downturn that could ignite mass famine.

Speaker 7:
[16:49] All right, I didn't want to have to do this.

Speaker 6:
[17:02] All right, you want to go, Ron?

Speaker 13:
[17:05] You want to do this?

Speaker 7:
[17:07] Move like that. Might unbalance your run of the mill deal maker, but the master has already prepared a step three.

Speaker 19:
[17:17] The president wrote, open the f***ing straight, you crazy bastards, or you'll be living in hell.

Speaker 7:
[17:41] That's right, the Art of the Deal step three is basically steps one and two, but with cursing. Your move, Oran. Oran says the Strait of Hormuz is still closed. I see what you did there. Your move is no move. Which brings us to step four.

Speaker 9:
[18:08] Iran has agreed to open the Strait of Hormuz.

Speaker 6:
[18:11] Boom, mother f***er! Step four, Art of the Deal.

Speaker 7:
[18:17] Just say it's open.

Speaker 6:
[18:21] Who's gonna check? Honestly, who's gonna? Who's gonna check if it's actually open?

Speaker 7:
[18:30] Even if you have a boat, what are you gonna do? You're gonna drive all the way there?

Speaker 6:
[18:33] What are you gonna do?

Speaker 7:
[18:34] You're gonna go to the Strait of Hormuz yacht and regatta club? Get the f*** out of here. You didn't even know what the Strait of Hormuz was a month ago. Now you're a f***ing expert on the Strait of Hormuz. As far as you know, it's open. It's open! Now the next part is tricky. Because at some point, even though you stated very clearly that the Strait of Hormuz is open, people are gonna realize it's not open. They're still not getting food or fuel. Which is fine. Because this is where the Art of the Deal, where the fourth dimensional chess comes into play.

Speaker 20:
[19:08] Breaking tonight. President Donald Trump is saying the US. Navy will start blockading quote any and all ships trying to enter or leave the Strait of Hormuz.

Speaker 6:
[19:20] Hit him with the old razzle dazzle! You can't break up with me, I'm bringing up with you!

Speaker 7:
[19:38] Now, at this point, haters might assume you've been winging it the whole time. And they might be getting hungry or much poorer or cold. And they might have questions like, Hey Trump, do you even have a plan? Well, the Art of the Deal says don't fall for that!

Speaker 8:
[19:53] I have the best plan of all, but I'm not going to tell you what my plan is. I don't know how many people like you about that. I mean, who would answer a question like that? Why would I tell you that?

Speaker 7:
[20:02] Step six, Art of the Deal, don't tell anyone your plan. That would be the dumbest thing you could do. Which brings us to step seven. Call up a news person and tell them your plan.

Speaker 20:
[20:13] I just spoke with the president this morning. The president said if they do not sign the deal, the US will blow up every power plant and more in Iran.

Speaker 7:
[20:26] But telling one person your plan, that's still just four D-Chests. Step eight is five D-Chests. Tell everyone your plan.

Speaker 21:
[20:33] I spoke to him on the phone this morning and told me several things.

Speaker 14:
[20:37] President Trump today told me if Iran does not sign this deal, the whole country is going to get blown up.

Speaker 11:
[20:43] In our short phone call, the president told me the strikes have caused very great losses on their leadership.

Speaker 20:
[20:49] He also told me he doesn't think boots on the ground will be necessary.

Speaker 19:
[20:52] He told me that they had agreed to talk.

Speaker 15:
[20:54] I just got off the phone with the president and he called.

Speaker 7:
[21:02] You see how bummed out Brett Baer was that he called her? Yeah, I talked to the president, he called me. I had the number blocked, but I got there. So now everybody's on the same page. It seems like you're moving towards a resolution in a crisp and linear fashion. Everybody knows the plan. All that's left to do is send over a high level negotiating team to work out the fine print and arrive at an enduring peace. You've got them right where you want them, where you hit them with step nine. Who's talking to what now?

Speaker 14:
[21:42] The president's saying he intends to send Vice President JD.

Speaker 22:
[21:45] Vance to Pakistan for a second shot at peace talks today.

Speaker 16:
[21:49] And an important clarification. I just got off the phone with President Trump yet again. He told me that Vice President Vance will not be leading the US delegation.

Speaker 9:
[21:59] But then less than two hours later, I was told that Vice President Vance would again lead this delegation.

Speaker 7:
[22:12] Vans on. Vans on. Huh? So that's where we've arrived at, with the Art of the Deal. Basically, it's a cycle. It's a cycle of demands and threats and premature declarations of victory that allows the negotiator enough wiggle room to, at almost any point, claim that they've achieved exactly what they've set out to do. Ultimately, achieving a nuclear deal that will probably be worse than the nuclear deal Trump pulled our country out of with Iran to start a devastating war that has killed thousands of innocent Iranians, 13 American soldiers, eroded our credibility as the leader of the free world, sabotaged the world economy, and will cost the American taxpayers, who knows, maybe trillions. And as that realization sinks in to a population weary of your malignant narcissism and impulsivity, Trump hits them with step 10.

Speaker 8:
[23:21] Jimmy's going to be next.

Speaker 7:
[23:25] That's right, mother f**ker, step 10. Keep moving to outrun the darkness.

Speaker 6:
[23:33] When we come back, for Excellency, Annalena Baerbock, will be joining me on the show. Don't go away.

Speaker 3:
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Speaker 18:
[24:46] So you're saying with Hilton Honors, I can use points for a free night's stay anywhere?

Speaker 3:
[24:51] Anywhere.

Speaker 18:
[24:52] What about fancy places like the Canopy in Paris? Yeah, Hilton Honors, baby. Or relaxing sanctuaries like the Conrad in Touloume?

Speaker 23:
[24:59] Hilton Honors, baby.

Speaker 18:
[25:02] What about the five-star Waldorf Astoria in the Maldives?

Speaker 2:
[25:05] Are you going to do this for all 9,000 properties?

Speaker 24:
[25:08] When you want points that can take you anywhere, anytime, it matters where you stay. Hilton, for the stay. Book your spring break now.

Speaker 6:
[25:22] Art of the Deal is going to be my guest tonight.

Speaker 7:
[25:24] She is the current president of the United Nations General Assembly, privilege to serve as Germany's Federal Minister for Foreign Affairs. Please welcome to the program, Ambassador Annalena Baerbock.

Speaker 6:
[25:47] It's so nice to see you.

Speaker 7:
[25:51] Do you go by Madam President, Your Excellency, Ambassador? What is the preferred title?

Speaker 25:
[25:58] Whatever you choose, or Annalena, but it's hard, it's in Lena, not Lena.

Speaker 7:
[26:02] Annalena?

Speaker 25:
[26:03] Yes.

Speaker 7:
[26:03] That sounds, and I said Lena. Because, did I pronounce it correctly? I think you might be wrong.

Speaker 25:
[26:11] After 46 years, thank you.

Speaker 7:
[26:13] No, you're very welcome. I've been meaning to do that. You are the president of the United Nations General Assembly. I think most people did not realize that there is a president of the General Assembly. How long is your term? What are the duties?

Speaker 25:
[26:29] Indeed. It's a very short term. It's only one year time. So in German, we would say you are just being thrown into the water, the cold water we say in Germany. Sure. Then you just have to start swimming. The job is to bring the whole international family, so 193, to the table. Sounds quite similar. But in a time where one of these member states might have a nuclear weapon and the other one just has a conflict, imagine if you bring your family to the Thanksgiving table and you have the cranky uncle and you have your hippie mother and then you just sing from the same songbook. It's also a hard job. So yes, in these times where not everybody is ready to sing from the same songbook anymore, my biggest task is actually to defend the songbook, The Charter of the United Nations, Peace and Security, Sustainable Development and Human Rights.

Speaker 7:
[27:21] Right, for the United Nations. In that analogy, does the crazy uncle or the hippie mom have the nuclear weapon?

Speaker 25:
[27:31] Well, frankly speaking in history, the woman hardly had the nuclear weapon.

Speaker 6:
[27:38] No, this was the other name he was going for.

Speaker 7:
[27:40] So as president, you are tasked with selecting, or at least doing the interviews for the next secretary general, is that correct?

Speaker 25:
[27:48] Right.

Speaker 7:
[27:49] How many candidates do you have? Is this like a monster.com? How do they, how do you get candidates to be the secretary general? How are they submitted? Is it controversial?

Speaker 25:
[28:05] Yes, and it will be probably the hardest job interview ever, because these 193 member states, they can all ask a question, be interviewed, so I'm presiding over it. It starts tomorrow, actually, so if you want to see it, yeah, live on UN Web TV.

Speaker 7:
[28:20] Wait, what? You're going to do this live?

Speaker 25:
[28:22] Yes. Transparency, we do have in the international community.

Speaker 6:
[28:27] Let me ask you a question.

Speaker 7:
[28:33] What is the cutoff for resumes? And could I do it once a week?

Speaker 25:
[28:39] The interview?

Speaker 7:
[28:40] The job.

Speaker 25:
[28:41] The job? Well, unfortunately, it's a 24-7 job.

Speaker 7:
[28:45] How many people are you interviewing?

Speaker 25:
[28:47] At the moment, four, so yeah, the question was, so how is the process? You have to be nominated by a member state. There was a strong call for women, so 193 member states actually agreed on one thing, that they strongly called on the nomination of women. Yes, because for 80 years, there never has been a woman. And I mean, a woman here probably and out there in the world, we have heard it all before. It was really hard to find one, but explaining that after 80 years, you could not find a woman if you have 4 billion potential candidates because there are 4 billion women and girls around the world, it's really hard to explain.

Speaker 7:
[29:32] Here's the other thing too. My guess is they'll bring in a woman to run it just at the point where it's basically unrunnable. Is it runnable anymore at the UN? You have the Security Council which can veto. I mean, Russia and China vetoed a resolution to keep the Strait of Hormuz open. That's where they, I mean, China gets a lot of its oil from the Strait of Hormuz and they still vetoed it. How difficult is it to even wrangle these countries anymore for resolutions?

Speaker 25:
[30:02] If you want to have an easy job, that's not the right one.

Speaker 7:
[30:05] It's not the right to be at the US.

Speaker 25:
[30:08] But on the other hand, I mean, there's always another option. So when they vetoed it in the Security Council and to those watching, so they are the five permanent members. They do have the veto because for historical reasons. And there has been a new initiative because obviously the vetoes in the Security Council led to the situation that in the past, many conflicts could not be solved. And it was also to the damage for the United Nations because it's about the credibility. So the majority of member states said, then you have to come to the General Assembly where all the 193 member states are. And this happened last week, so I called for this session saying, this has to come now for the General Assembly. We had a big debate with many states underlining that in an interconnected world, what happened in one part of the world affects everybody. So oil prices have exploded. One country even declared the state of energy emergency because obviously for poor countries, this is a total disaster. It's devastating. So after this session, we saw the ceasefire negotiations coming back together again. We have now this kind of instable ceasefire. So hopefully, everybody understands now that in this situation, nobody can win if we're not coming back to diplomatic terms, and that the United Nations is the only place where you can bring together all member states from around the world.

Speaker 7:
[31:41] Epcot Center, that's the place. They're all different. I think it represents most people. Let me ask you a question. Are we putting too much on the United Nations? You know, my image of the United Nations is like that. It's the General Assembly, and we come in, and we make peace deals. But maybe that's never really been its function. It seems like what it does well, because a well-timed resolution, what does that really do anyway, if it's vetoed or not vetoed? But it seems what the UN does well is, as kind of an international cleanup crew for the mess that the other nations make. You do foreign aid. You have refugee programs. Is that something that the UN would steer more into, and should we lower our expectations about their so-called peacemaking abilities?

Speaker 25:
[32:41] 100% right, because from the first day on, the United Nations was not meant to bring humankind to heaven, but to prevent humanity from hell. So it's therefore the...

Speaker 7:
[32:55] I bet that sounds excellent in German.

Speaker 25:
[32:58] Well, yes.

Speaker 6:
[32:59] I bet.

Speaker 25:
[33:01] So... I mean, yeah, because we would go back to German history, it was unfortunately my country.

Speaker 7:
[33:10] Exactly. You guys... Yeah.

Speaker 25:
[33:12] And we learned our lessons, and it took, rightly so, my country back then also was a cold war, being divided to come to the international family again. But this is why also me personally, as a former foreign minister of my country, we are making so clear without this United Nations, without the charter, nothing in the world would be better off. Sometimes people call the UN naive with all the morals and all the principles. But the grandfathers and the few mothers, they've been through the worst in life, through two world conflicts, a genocide with 6 million Jews being killed. Back then also many, many countries, more than 50s, 50 were still under colonial power. So this house was built to have at least some progress. And as you were mentioning, the vast majority of the work of the United Nations is to prevent conflict. Unfortunately, especially in these times, hate clicks six times better. So, the good stories hardly make it to the headlines. And journalists don't write about the war, which didn't happen. We learned it also in COVID, in the pandemic, there's no glory in prevention. But this is exactly the main work the UN is doing, preventing that out of a famine, another war would happen. Preventing that with regard to, for example, when we had the pandemic, where no army in the world could stop the virus because it didn't have any passports, even the strongest countries could not do it alone. It needed the United Nations, with the World Health Organization, to do the vaccination for half of the world's population children going around. That we don't have smallpox anymore. This is thanks to the UN.

Speaker 7:
[34:55] I mean, you haven't been downtown, believe me. Since Momdani, it was a whole lot. What I'm wondering about is, it's the sense that the changes that might be made in the UN to deal with all these various conflicts and things that are coming up, are overwhelmed by this new order of world power play, that people are rebelling against this idea of globalization, whether it comes through international norms of an international court or the United Nations. You know, the United Nations is the black helicopters. It's the new world order. It's all those things. When in large part, it seems like a place where it may be overly bureaucratic, but they're trying to get aid or take an international mechanism to help those that have been most hurt by the calamities that the great powers have visited upon the earth. If you were going to... What changes would you make at the UN to maybe make it more effective? Or is there a way to sell it to the new populist regimes that want nothing to do with international order? They don't want international climate treaties. They don't want international peace treaties, it seems. They don't want international rules of order. They want might makes right. How does the UN deal with that?

Speaker 25:
[36:30] Many questions in one. So maybe... That's right.

Speaker 7:
[36:35] You have 20 seconds.

Speaker 25:
[36:36] I can... That's the best what politicians can do. We are very short in answering questions. So, I don't know, 30 seconds are over.

Speaker 7:
[36:46] No, no, no, no.

Speaker 6:
[36:47] Please, take your time.

Speaker 7:
[36:48] We got plenty of time.

Speaker 25:
[37:19] So, in a single day, would the world be better off without the United Nations? Because millions of people would literally starve. You could not enter an airplane safely, none of us, because the Civil Aviation Organization is based with the United Nations. So, for all of us, it's in our interest, and not only for the people around the world to have this United Nations. But on the other hand, obviously, some things now might just right. But we have seen also lately, with the Strait of Hormuz, that obviously this conflict does not only affect everybody, but also you need the support of others to open the Strait of Hormuz. And this is why, for me, it's crystal clear, the International Peace Order, the Charter of the United Nations, is a life insurance for everyone. And nobody could sleep in silence and peace if we would accept that a bigger neighbour can just invite, invade their neighbouring country in the future. And as you mentioned, the climate crisis, I mean, you can deny it. You can just pretend it's not there. But we could see all over the world the wildfires, which also do not stop at the richest neighbourhoods in every country around the world, because like the pandemic and the virus, also CO2 doesn't have a passport. And it will just spread over the world, so we can only fight it together in our own interest.

Speaker 7:
[38:52] Would you like to see the UN have more teeth in terms of enforcement, like where they could levy fines? Do they levy fines? I don't know what they can do. I know there's certain peacekeeping things. But when, let's say somebody does violate international norms, international law, UN, I mean, the UN has said Israel has violated, you know, treaties, and yet nothing happens to them. What could happen? Can they levy fines? Can they charge countries, like in baseball, if you throw at somebody?

Speaker 25:
[39:25] Well, it's not the world police. Yeah, so you cannot just say...

Speaker 7:
[39:28] What if it were the world police?

Speaker 25:
[39:32] Well, we tried it with some courts, for example, the International Criminal Court. Unfortunately, the biggest powers, they did not ratify, but this is, again, the strength of the United Nations.

Speaker 7:
[39:44] You have to keep at it. You have to keep trying.

Speaker 25:
[39:46] Others said, we move forward. And this court, as you ask, can you try people? Yes, they did. They tried one of the biggest war criminals. When we had the Balkan Wars, when we had...

Speaker 7:
[39:56] You're talking about Vlosevic, right?

Speaker 25:
[39:58] Yes, we had Srebrenica, so genocide going on. So they tried them in front of a court. Now, for example, with regard to the Philippines, they had the dictator back there. So there's an international arrest warrant, and he will be probably tried in front of the ICC, the ICC, the International Criminal Court. For others who have not ratified it, for example, with Assad, then it's not possible. But they are also arrest warrant. You mentioned a couple of them. With different wars going on right now. So these...

Speaker 7:
[40:33] Who's the worst country right now?

Speaker 25:
[40:36] Well, I'm the president...

Speaker 4:
[40:38] Is it us?

Speaker 25:
[40:38] I'm the president of the General Assembly, speaking on behalf of all of them.

Speaker 4:
[40:42] Right.

Speaker 7:
[40:43] Who would they all say is the worst country?

Speaker 25:
[40:48] Well, obviously, the worst are those who deny dignity from other human beings. And this is why we have to stand up for it every day. Otherwise, coming back to my own country again more than 80 years ago...

Speaker 7:
[41:01] Why is it so hard for us to learn that lesson? It really blows my mind that this idea that violence and might makes right, to take us back to a world that we were when colonial powers and imperial powers ruled and war was inevitable in almost every location, it's almost shocking to see how far we've come, and yet people want to go back to that much more barbaric way of governance. Is that what's talked about in the halls, or are the halls of the UN a more administrative place than a philosophical place?

Speaker 25:
[41:45] Well, this is a philosophical question.

Speaker 7:
[41:48] That's why I'm not in the halls of the UN.

Speaker 25:
[41:50] Yeah. So I would say all, because it's just the diversity of the whole world, and you asked before what do we have to do and what would be the biggest task. For me and the Secretariat General, Antonio Guterres, at the moment to reform the United Nations, to make it more efficient, because the truth is as well. And I'm not a fan of sugarcoating, so we have to face it that over 80 years, it has built up on mandates, resolution by resolution. So we have 40,000 mandates, obviously not very efficient. Yeah. So in every company, you would just modernize your system. And this is what we're doing right now. We're in the midst of a deep reform called UNAD. But at the other hand, you should not use the shortcomings in trying to destroy the whole house. And this is where we are faced in, and you were addressing also the financial situation. If member states, and unfortunately also the host country, do not pay their bill anymore, obviously this house cannot function. And in a situation that people, especially children, are dying in this minute, you have like rotten aid in warehouses. This is obviously a situation which cannot go on. So therefore, as the president of the General Assembly, I can only recall that no day would be better off without the UN, and this is why we should all strengthen this house of peace and this house of humanity.

Speaker 7:
[43:23] Have you thought about, oh, please. I couldn't agree more that it needs to be reformed. And so my last question is, have you thought about letting the Ellisons buy it? So they ran Skydance, it's a very small production house, and then they bought Paramount, which is kind of a larger place, and then for some reason bought Warner Brothers, and now they own, we all work for them. They could add the UN easily. They have so much money.

Speaker 25:
[44:01] Well, as I just said, we have like an open call for candidates.

Speaker 6:
[44:09] Interviews start tomorrow.

Speaker 14:
[44:12] Madam President, such a point.

Speaker 6:
[44:14] There's such an honor. We'll be right back after this.

Speaker 2:
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Speaker 23:
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Speaker 6:
[45:22] That is our show for the night.

Speaker 7:
[45:24] Before we go, we're going to check in with your host for the rest of the week, Mr. Michael Kosta.

Speaker 6:
[45:27] Michael.

Speaker 7:
[45:31] Tell the people, what are you working on this week?

Speaker 13:
[45:34] John, I'll be looking in at the $250 million lawsuit that Cash Patel just filed against The Atlantic magazine for an article about his drinking.

Speaker 7:
[45:42] Wow. You know what? I had just heard about that. Is that... Is there truth to that? Does he have a drinking problem?

Speaker 13:
[45:47] Yeah, he's got a drinking problem. He drinks like a soft-ass bitch.

Speaker 7:
[46:01] Do you hang out with him socially?

Speaker 13:
[46:02] Yeah, and every time, it's the same. You know, I'll be seven martinis deep, and he's still nursing a green apple white claw like he's planning on driving home. I bet he's never even woken up in a pile of his own chunk. What a loser, John.

Speaker 7:
[46:19] My guy, obviously, I hate to say this, but it seems like maybe you drink a little too much.

Speaker 13:
[46:24] I will sue you for $250 million. You better lawyer up, asshole. I can do this all week.

Speaker 7:
[46:31] Well, aren't you hosting this week?

Speaker 13:
[46:33] What? I am?

Speaker 6:
[46:34] Yes.

Speaker 7:
[46:35] Michael Kosta, everybody.

Speaker 6:
[46:38] You're the host.

Speaker 20:
[46:39] Have you been negotiating a lot all day? Is that why your voice is hoarse?

Speaker 8:
[46:43] I've been screaming at Iranians all day, yes. A little bit of a laryngitis because of my scre... I've been screaming at Iranians.

Speaker 20:
[46:51] So, they're on leadership you're screaming at?

Speaker 8:
[46:53] You know why? Because that's the only thing they understand. They don't understand being nice.

Speaker 5:
[47:00] Explore more shows from The Daily Show Podcast Universe by searching The Daily Show, wherever you get your podcasts. Watch The Daily Show weeknights at 11, 10 Central on Comedy Central, and stream full episodes anytime on Paramount Plus. This has been a Comedy Central Podcast.

Speaker 22:
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