transcript
Speaker 1:
[00:00] Instagram teen accounts have automatic protections for what teens see and who can contact them, plus time management tools. And Instagram will continue adding built-in safety features to help create age-appropriate experiences. Learn more about teen accounts and Instagram's ongoing work to protect teens online at instagram.com/teenaccounts.
Speaker 2:
[01:12] Ladies and gentle thems, welcome to another episode of Two Dykes And A Mic. I'm McKenzie Goodwin.
Speaker 3:
[01:17] And I'm Rachel Scanlon-A-Lee, bravely wearing a hat for the first time ever on this podcast. I have been slowly making my way into the age old practice of a butch, not showering, but wearing a hat.
Speaker 2:
[01:34] That's nice.
Speaker 3:
[01:35] What do you think about me?
Speaker 2:
[01:37] I mean, I think about you a lot.
Speaker 3:
[01:40] Cool. Cut the episode. Wrap it there. Thank you. When you think about me, you're like...
Speaker 2:
[01:47] I think about you all the time.
Speaker 3:
[01:48] Yeah.
Speaker 2:
[01:48] And usually when I'm about to text you, you text me and then I go, weird, I was just going to text you.
Speaker 3:
[01:54] Same. Same, same, same, same, same.
Speaker 2:
[01:55] I mean, here's the thing. You're my bestie.
Speaker 3:
[01:59] And when you think of me, do you think of me as like a woman?
Speaker 2:
[02:01] No.
Speaker 3:
[02:02] No.
Speaker 2:
[02:02] You're a being, like flubber. And it just like, flubbered, dude.
Speaker 3:
[02:13] Of all the beings, that fucking, dude, yeah. The way that you see me so completely is like, why I think we're such close friends is that I don't have to explain anything to you. You just understand that like, I know what you are. I am a being like flubber. I said on our last live episode, I was like, I don't identify with a pronoun, but really just like a bunch of trees in the forest. Do you know what I mean?
Speaker 2:
[02:38] Yeah, but flubber equally as, I think if you and I aren't that, I'm the high school science teacher that has flubber.
Speaker 3:
[02:46] Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2:
[02:47] I haven't seen the movie in 35 years.
Speaker 3:
[02:48] I'm accidentally, my memory, cause I was kind of young when they came out, I'm mixing nutty professor with flubber, which would mean you are someone in a fat suit. And I identify as Norbit, for sure you're Norbit.
Speaker 4:
[03:03] I am.
Speaker 3:
[03:03] Your whole essence is Norbit. Somebody I think who's never fucked?
Speaker 2:
[03:08] Yeah.
Speaker 3:
[03:09] But could and then barely survives it.
Speaker 2:
[03:12] Yeah. Yes.
Speaker 3:
[03:13] Norbit, flubber. Hi, welcome back to the shock. I'm flubber.
Speaker 2:
[03:17] I'm Norbit.
Speaker 3:
[03:18] We're so happy you're here.
Speaker 2:
[03:20] I think that we need to make movies again.
Speaker 3:
[03:22] Fun again.
Speaker 2:
[03:23] Like flubber and Norbit. Make movies fun. I did see a trailer for a fun movie that's coming up.
Speaker 3:
[03:28] What was it like?
Speaker 2:
[03:29] Our good friend, Raven-Symon.
Speaker 3:
[03:30] Shout out, Rave.
Speaker 2:
[03:32] Posted a trailer that she was in. This movie, I believe, starts with Ru Paul as Madame President.
Speaker 3:
[03:42] Right? I don't know. I watched it. I watch a lot of things on silent.
Speaker 2:
[03:48] It looks like Scary Movie. It looks like a parody movie again.
Speaker 3:
[03:52] Thank God.
Speaker 2:
[03:53] And I'm like, here we fucking go. This is the shit we need. Scary Movie 6 is coming out. Or Scary Movie 5, whatever, the newest one. And we're getting more parody movies. This is the shit we need.
Speaker 3:
[04:03] This is what we're moving towards in the bright direction. Silly, silly, silly. We need to laugh. Things are horrific.
Speaker 2:
[04:07] I want Reno 911 back.
Speaker 3:
[04:08] I want Reno 911. I want a spin-off of only the women of Reno 911.
Speaker 2:
[04:12] Dude, the way in which they beefed it by not having an all women Reno 911.
Speaker 3:
[04:18] If you were a young lesbian, and I know you were, and the women of Reno 911 probably never been a young lesbian. No, but you were born an old lesbian, and I like that.
Speaker 2:
[04:27] Yeah. Sorry, continue.
Speaker 3:
[04:29] And that's fine. And there's some lesbians that are old women. I'm talking Carol, Carol lesbians. And there's some lesbians that have always been little boys.
Speaker 2:
[04:36] Can I ask or can I say?
Speaker 3:
[04:38] Please.
Speaker 2:
[04:38] I actually don't think that there is such thing as a young lesbian. I think all lesbians are born old women.
Speaker 3:
[04:44] Yes.
Speaker 2:
[04:44] And we Benjamin Button back.
Speaker 3:
[04:46] Yes.
Speaker 2:
[04:47] But if you are bi, you can be a young bi.
Speaker 3:
[04:50] Yes, of course.
Speaker 2:
[04:51] And then if you are a dyke.
Speaker 3:
[04:53] Yes.
Speaker 2:
[04:53] Which I'm kind of looking at you.
Speaker 3:
[04:55] For sure.
Speaker 2:
[04:55] Ray, you're only a young boy.
Speaker 3:
[04:58] Right. You don't age past it. It's kind of spectacular.
Speaker 2:
[05:01] Lesbians are old women.
Speaker 3:
[05:02] Yep.
Speaker 2:
[05:03] Butches are young boys.
Speaker 3:
[05:06] Yep.
Speaker 2:
[05:06] And bi's are young bi's.
Speaker 3:
[05:08] Amen.
Speaker 2:
[05:08] Sorry.
Speaker 3:
[05:09] Sorry. That's the truth. We call them as we seize them and don't make the rules.
Speaker 2:
[05:12] But I do.
Speaker 3:
[05:13] But we do.
Speaker 2:
[05:14] But we actually do here. Welcome back to The Shock.
Speaker 3:
[05:16] To Two In The Pank.
Speaker 2:
[05:18] Oh yeah. If you guys haven't listened to last week's episode, you're gonna need to.
Speaker 3:
[05:22] You're gonna want to. Ken and I, we have episodes that come out every single week. You can subscribe on YouTube.
Speaker 2:
[05:28] You can also subscribe on Spotify, Patreon and Apple. These episodes come out every other week.
Speaker 3:
[05:34] Right.
Speaker 2:
[05:34] They're only for subscribers. And we get-
Speaker 3:
[05:36] And our Patreon-
Speaker 2:
[05:37] We get raw and real.
Speaker 3:
[05:38] We do a live Zoom episode every month on Patreon that is truly some of the most fun that I've ever had.
Speaker 2:
[05:45] Last months went off.
Speaker 3:
[05:47] Dude, we've had-
Speaker 2:
[05:48] Last months went off.
Speaker 3:
[05:49] It went crazy.
Speaker 2:
[05:49] We had so much fun.
Speaker 3:
[05:50] A lot of people screenshot us in weird positions. They make you bald a lot. We have fun.
Speaker 2:
[05:55] They do make me bald a lot.
Speaker 3:
[05:56] We interact a lot. It's a lot of fun. And also, if you're listening to the episode today, Kenny and I tomorrow are gonna be performing live.
Speaker 2:
[06:02] In Baltimore.
Speaker 3:
[06:03] In Baltimore. Tomorrow.
Speaker 2:
[06:04] We gotta get on that flight.
Speaker 3:
[06:05] I gotta go. April 22nd. The day after that, April 23rd, we're gonna be in Albany, New York. And we have a little time off. And then McKenzie and I are gonna be in Cleveland, Ohio, May 20th. And then May 21st, we're gonna be in Columbus, Ohio.
Speaker 2:
[06:16] Cannot wait for these shows.
Speaker 3:
[06:17] It couldn't be more of an exciting time.
Speaker 2:
[06:19] It's very exciting. So subscribe to us. That is what keeps the podcast going.
Speaker 3:
[06:23] Yes.
Speaker 2:
[06:24] All of our paid subscribers.
Speaker 3:
[06:26] And also while you're on our YouTube, type in Rachel Scanlon Comedy in the search board. I just launched my own YouTube page where I'm posting stand up clips. And by the way, I'm not just repurposing old clips. I'm posting longer versions of my stand up content of the people who are not able to come see me live.
Speaker 2:
[06:45] That's great.
Speaker 3:
[06:45] I want you to see the stuff that I'm doing.
Speaker 2:
[06:47] Yeah.
Speaker 3:
[06:47] And so you'll find it there on my YouTube page. And subscribe because that's also very helpful. So we appreciate it.
Speaker 2:
[06:53] Dude. Hell yeah. Click the link. Subscribe.
Speaker 3:
[06:57] Subscribe.
Speaker 2:
[07:00] What were we just talking about?
Speaker 3:
[07:01] Well, you were starting to talk about something. And then I asked you how you picture me and you said flubber. So that kind of sent us into a bit of a tailspin. Do you like my hat?
Speaker 2:
[07:11] Yeah.
Speaker 3:
[07:12] You look incredible.
Speaker 2:
[07:13] Thank you.
Speaker 3:
[07:14] You can read it.
Speaker 2:
[07:16] Of course. I do not know how to read.
Speaker 3:
[07:20] I'm so glad that you see me as flubber. I feel very seen in that moment. Do you have a hair binder on you by chance?
Speaker 2:
[07:24] I do not.
Speaker 3:
[07:24] I kind of want to put my mullet in a little pony.
Speaker 2:
[07:28] I wouldn't.
Speaker 3:
[07:29] No, I think it's going to give like swords, swordsman. I feel like if I put it in a little pony, I'm going to look like a swordsman.
Speaker 2:
[07:36] Have you seen Princess Bride?
Speaker 3:
[07:37] But of course, that's my inspo.
Speaker 2:
[07:38] Maybe that's what, yeah, a little goatee right there, that would look good on you.
Speaker 3:
[07:42] That's, I know.
Speaker 2:
[07:43] That should be your gender.
Speaker 3:
[07:45] It is.
Speaker 2:
[07:47] Okay, don't scream at me. Don't scream at me, Dairy Boy.
Speaker 3:
[07:50] As you wish.
Speaker 2:
[07:51] Let's get into some.
Speaker 3:
[07:53] Wait.
Speaker 2:
[07:54] Wait. Don't wait.
Speaker 3:
[07:55] Stop rushing through this episode.
Speaker 2:
[07:57] I'm not.
Speaker 3:
[07:58] You look, can I say?
Speaker 2:
[08:00] Don't.
Speaker 3:
[08:01] You look exquisite.
Speaker 2:
[08:03] Did you see that Marishka Hargitay is making her Broadway debut?
Speaker 3:
[08:06] Of course, I did.
Speaker 2:
[08:08] Because it's giving Detectives. So I immediately thought of-
Speaker 3:
[08:10] No, you look exactly like Marishka.
Speaker 2:
[08:11] The only Detectives.
Speaker 3:
[08:12] Well, you look like this person who went into wardrobe of Marishka Hargitay.
Speaker 2:
[08:18] I look like I've stolen all her wardrobe.
Speaker 3:
[08:19] And there it is.
Speaker 2:
[08:20] Oh my God, I have to tell you something. What? After.
Speaker 3:
[08:24] No. Now.
Speaker 2:
[08:25] No, I can't. It's gossip.
Speaker 3:
[08:28] Oh my God.
Speaker 2:
[08:28] It's gossip. We can't tell.
Speaker 3:
[08:29] We tell the gossip on the live episode.
Speaker 2:
[08:30] Yeah. I'll tell you guys on the live episode, but it does have to deal with I- Oh my God. It's fucking crazy.
Speaker 3:
[08:36] I can't wait.
Speaker 2:
[08:36] It's crazy. I'll tell it on the live episode.
Speaker 3:
[08:38] Come on on our live episodes.
Speaker 2:
[08:39] It's actually nuts. I can't wait.
Speaker 3:
[08:41] We have a lot of tea on the live episodes. We make everybody sign an NDA. It's a whole situation.
Speaker 2:
[08:45] It's a whole situation.
Speaker 3:
[08:46] It's a whole situation.
Speaker 2:
[08:48] You and I did-
Speaker 3:
[08:49] And me and you.
Speaker 2:
[08:50] And me and you, we just took photo shoots.
Speaker 3:
[08:52] Do you think we're Sully and Mike Wazowski as well?
Speaker 2:
[08:56] Yeah. If it's a Pixar movie-
Speaker 3:
[08:59] Don't you think?
Speaker 2:
[08:59] If it's a Disney movie, we're Timon and Pumbaa. Dude, I identify as honestly every character that is a duo.
Speaker 3:
[09:08] The side characters who are best friends.
Speaker 2:
[09:10] Yeah. It's us.
Speaker 3:
[09:11] That's- You actually look like Timon.
Speaker 2:
[09:15] Thank you.
Speaker 3:
[09:15] I literally look like Pumbaa.
Speaker 2:
[09:19] Yeah. We are-
Speaker 3:
[09:21] Oh my God. Do you know what in Hercules?
Speaker 2:
[09:24] Yeah.
Speaker 3:
[09:25] Pain and-
Speaker 2:
[09:26] Oh yeah. Yes. I mean, I always wanted to identify as the Hydra.
Speaker 3:
[09:32] You're not.
Speaker 2:
[09:33] I'm not.
Speaker 3:
[09:33] You're not.
Speaker 2:
[09:34] I want to. Who would you want to identify in?
Speaker 3:
[09:38] In Hercules.
Speaker 2:
[09:39] Hercules?
Speaker 3:
[09:40] You know that. Every time I put on an outfit, I try to make my proportions look like that. Huge ears, nothing but pecs, gigantic feet.
Speaker 2:
[09:51] Yeah.
Speaker 3:
[09:51] Like deltoid it out.
Speaker 2:
[09:53] That's your body.
Speaker 3:
[09:55] Yeah, the heavenly curls is what I'm going for here. I'm not achieving that, but it's good to have a goal. I feel like you give pegasus, and we're not talking about that enough. Yeah, I want to ride you. Yeah, I want to ride you.
Speaker 2:
[10:08] You can't say that on this pod.
Speaker 3:
[10:09] Well, I'm picturing also when I pictured it. I pictured when Hercules is a baby and still full god, and you're in the crib with me as a little pegasus. Pegasus.
Speaker 2:
[10:20] That's us. Yeah, okay.
Speaker 3:
[10:22] Babies.
Speaker 2:
[10:24] You and I.
Speaker 3:
[10:25] And me and you.
Speaker 2:
[10:26] Recently did a photo shoot for something that we cannot talk about yet.
Speaker 3:
[10:29] But we're excited soon.
Speaker 2:
[10:31] We're so excited to tell you all about it. This photo shoot was so fun.
Speaker 3:
[10:36] For sure.
Speaker 2:
[10:37] We had the actual time of our lives.
Speaker 3:
[10:39] Yeah. You were hungry that day.
Speaker 2:
[10:41] I'm hungry at all. Listen, the Invisalign has fucked up my eating schedule. Because I eat, as you know, dinner in the morning, and then I have about 18 snacks throughout the night like a little scavenger.
Speaker 3:
[10:54] You eat such small but so frequently.
Speaker 2:
[10:56] It's all the time.
Speaker 3:
[10:57] It's so weird how thin people are just like, they have tiny portions, but you eat all the time.
Speaker 2:
[11:02] All the time.
Speaker 3:
[11:02] I eat all the time huge portions, mostly cottage cheese.
Speaker 2:
[11:05] Yeah. You and Kath. Kath is eating only cottage cheese these days.
Speaker 3:
[11:09] I miss it. Would it be crass? You can say no. If like when we got into Gay News, I like ate a beef stick.
Speaker 2:
[11:16] That would be unacceptable.
Speaker 3:
[11:18] All right. And I asked for a reason.
Speaker 2:
[11:19] Yeah. I almost sent you a picture the other day. I was at the grocery store and there's a whole rack of beef sticks and I almost sent it to you instead of thinking of you.
Speaker 3:
[11:26] You know me. It's turkey, by the way. I'm eating the turkey sticks. I'm not eating beef sticks.
Speaker 2:
[11:30] It is disgusting. It's heinous.
Speaker 3:
[11:32] Well, they do have a scent to them.
Speaker 2:
[11:33] They have because you've done it on-
Speaker 3:
[11:35] They're like 10 grams of protein.
Speaker 2:
[11:36] You've done it on airplanes before.
Speaker 3:
[11:37] Well, it's better than an egg.
Speaker 2:
[11:42] Would you like to talk about this photo shoot we did?
Speaker 3:
[11:45] I can't believe this.
Speaker 2:
[11:46] You got to touch my body a lot. Let's just be real.
Speaker 3:
[11:51] Let's just be real. Ken and I did a photo shoot in the water, which I've never seen that much of your body. You were still in a big t-shirt.
Speaker 2:
[11:59] I was in a huge t-shirt, but let's not give it away. I'm in a shirt, but you got to hold my body, see my legs.
Speaker 3:
[12:08] I love seeing your legs. We have the same legs. Mine are just hairy.
Speaker 2:
[12:11] Yeah. You got to baptize me.
Speaker 3:
[12:14] That was cool. Can we show a video of that?
Speaker 2:
[12:16] No, we cannot.
Speaker 3:
[12:17] God damn it.
Speaker 2:
[12:18] We'll release it when it comes out.
Speaker 3:
[12:20] I baptized you and it came to me like muscle memory that I was like, wow, I really was gonna be a pastor. If this didn't pan out, I'd have a small congregation in the Midwest.
Speaker 2:
[12:30] Here's the thing, it still might not.
Speaker 3:
[12:32] For sure.
Speaker 2:
[12:32] So Midwest, buckle up.
Speaker 3:
[12:34] Hold tight.
Speaker 2:
[12:35] Hey listen, are you watching Real Housewives, BH?
Speaker 3:
[12:39] No.
Speaker 2:
[12:39] Okay, you got to fly in.
Speaker 3:
[12:41] What's going on?
Speaker 2:
[12:42] There's a woman who's kind of like a cult leader possibly that's on it. What's her name? Her name's like, I think Amanda or something. And she's got some type of lisp that I am.
Speaker 3:
[12:52] Into?
Speaker 2:
[12:53] No, I'm catching on to though.
Speaker 3:
[12:55] Are you adapting it, you mean?
Speaker 2:
[12:56] Maybe as a screenplay. Best adapted screenplay is her lisp.
Speaker 3:
[13:00] It's a lisp for a Real Housewives.
Speaker 2:
[13:04] Listen to me, I think if you kind of take what she's doing and kind of keep it going, but make it a little gay, I think you could be onto something.
Speaker 3:
[13:12] I will. You know, like those types of like Methodist Church. Ha ha, that was bad.
Speaker 2:
[13:18] Why do you take a lisp? If I say the word lisp, then you have a lisp.
Speaker 3:
[13:22] I think I have like no boundaries. I think I'm like a true empath, negative, like people-pleaser. If somebody brings up something, it like gets in my body. Like it becomes in my body. Like if I'm next to somebody who's anxious, I have to leave because I'll be like, if I'm on a plane next to somebody who has like a fear of flights, I ask to move because I will adopt your panic attack.
Speaker 2:
[13:44] Yeah.
Speaker 3:
[13:45] That's not good, by the way. Like I need help. I need help with that. That's bad.
Speaker 2:
[13:51] Can I bring something up? No. Why do you think that they made the word lisp so hard?
Speaker 3:
[13:59] I like that. That's so rude.
Speaker 2:
[14:00] It's rude. To have an SP at the end of the word lisp.
Speaker 3:
[14:04] That's cunty.
Speaker 2:
[14:05] Come on.
Speaker 3:
[14:05] Please.
Speaker 2:
[14:06] Now you're making everybody have a lisp when they say live.
Speaker 3:
[14:10] All this to say, all lisp to say, I would be the type of priest, sorry, pastor at a Methodist church.
Speaker 2:
[14:19] Methodist?
Speaker 3:
[14:20] Yes. That has a rainbow sash.
Speaker 2:
[14:23] Cool ones.
Speaker 3:
[14:24] That on the side of the church, it says all are welcome here. We're all liberals and we're gay for the Lord.
Speaker 2:
[14:34] Gay for the Lord.
Speaker 3:
[14:35] That's my vibe.
Speaker 2:
[14:36] I like that.
Speaker 3:
[14:37] It still could happen.
Speaker 2:
[14:39] I'm saying never say never.
Speaker 3:
[14:40] Right.
Speaker 2:
[14:41] I know a great place you could buy a bunch of property, buy a lake, start your own church.
Speaker 3:
[14:48] You have to buy five.
Speaker 2:
[14:49] You have to buy five.
Speaker 3:
[14:50] But you would make a killing.
Speaker 2:
[14:52] It's a great deal.
Speaker 3:
[14:53] Yeah.
Speaker 2:
[14:54] Little inside joke.
Speaker 3:
[14:56] You're funny, dude. I'm into you. Also before we move anywhere forward, I need you to know.
Speaker 2:
[15:01] You have some shows coming up, don't you?
Speaker 3:
[15:02] You're not going to believe this. Boston's already sold out, has been for months. Super sorry. Charleston, South Carolina, April 30th through May 3rd.
Speaker 2:
[15:08] I'm bringing my wife.
Speaker 3:
[15:09] 30th? We're moving. I'm there for five nights of shows. I am moving to the South.
Speaker 2:
[15:14] That's great.
Speaker 3:
[15:15] I'm going to come back in all pastel.
Speaker 2:
[15:16] I can't wait for us to go.
Speaker 3:
[15:18] Yeah.
Speaker 2:
[15:19] We're going to be down there.
Speaker 3:
[15:19] I just started re-watching Southern Charm in preparation.
Speaker 2:
[15:25] Don't.
Speaker 3:
[15:25] Ruff.
Speaker 2:
[15:26] Yeah, don't do that.
Speaker 3:
[15:27] Good though. Insane. Whitney?
Speaker 2:
[15:28] Don't do it.
Speaker 3:
[15:30] Portland, Maine, May 8th through 10th. And then Burlington, Vermont, May 14th through 16th. Then here are my new cities for the summer. These are very exciting. I just dropped these. I have a new flyer. It looks like this. I'm in a swimsuit. People are not into it. Also, the people are like, quality's changed. Shot it on an iPhone real quick. That's why, but I'm still putting my heart and soul into it. This is what I have. Who am I? You won't believe where I'm gonna go. June 13th, Tulsa, Oklahoma. Hi. June 14th, Oklahoma City, Oklahoma. Then July 17th through 18th, Salt Lake City, Utah. Hoping to touch up my hand tattoos when I'm there. Def. Not Def. Yeah, Def. Okay. And then I'll be in Brea, California, August 9th. I can't wait. Those are my summer shows. I'm so excited to be on the road in the summer.
Speaker 2:
[16:11] Dude, I'm proud of you.
Speaker 3:
[16:11] It's gonna be a great time. Now, me, Flubber, you a professor, Professor Norbit.
Speaker 2:
[16:21] Let's get into some.
Speaker 3:
[16:23] Good, good, good. What if I'm not ready? Well, wait, weren't we gonna say something about our exciting time in the pool together?
Speaker 2:
[16:31] Yeah, you held me. We had so much fun. We have some very exciting stuff coming up.
Speaker 3:
[16:39] Can I say something, one other update, and then we can move forward?
Speaker 2:
[16:41] Yeah.
Speaker 3:
[16:42] My wife and I got room service for the first time, together.
Speaker 2:
[16:46] How is that possible?
Speaker 3:
[16:47] Well, I've done room service twice, but alone.
Speaker 2:
[16:50] You're telling me, wait. What? You're telling me you've never, on your honeymoon, you didn't do room service.
Speaker 3:
[16:57] We bought a package and then the breakfast was included, but you had to go downstairs.
Speaker 2:
[17:03] I hate when they do that. Don't make me walk to breakfast.
Speaker 3:
[17:06] And I had to.
Speaker 2:
[17:06] I'm going to want it in bed.
Speaker 3:
[17:08] Nude, with my underpants pulled over my tits.
Speaker 2:
[17:11] Yeah.
Speaker 3:
[17:12] That's the only way I'm going to be happy.
Speaker 2:
[17:15] I'm shocked that you, wow.
Speaker 3:
[17:17] And she did it one time without me when I had to, she came with me to a city, but I had to leave. And I was like, just order room service. We'd never done it together before.
Speaker 2:
[17:27] I mean, it's luxury. Here's the thing, it's going to take forever. It's going to be unbelievably expensive. It's like $70 for a hamburger with fries.
Speaker 3:
[17:36] Yes, it is.
Speaker 2:
[17:37] It's honestly never worth it.
Speaker 3:
[17:39] Right.
Speaker 2:
[17:39] Ever.
Speaker 3:
[17:40] But for the experience to be in a robe in the morning and like, let's not even.
Speaker 2:
[17:44] And have coffee brought.
Speaker 3:
[17:45] Yeah.
Speaker 2:
[17:45] There's nothing like coffee brought to your room. Will you have a carafe?
Speaker 3:
[17:49] Yeah, baby.
Speaker 2:
[17:50] That's actually pure luxury.
Speaker 3:
[17:52] That's pure class.
Speaker 2:
[17:53] That's awesome.
Speaker 3:
[17:54] That's pure class. And we'd never done it together before.
Speaker 2:
[17:56] How was it? Did you make love right after?
Speaker 3:
[17:58] Yes.
Speaker 2:
[17:59] Yeah.
Speaker 3:
[18:00] Well, I had to wait a little bit.
Speaker 2:
[18:01] If you want to get L-A-I-D, laid. I'm talking, you're at a Marriott, you're at a DoubleTree, okay?
Speaker 3:
[18:11] Get yourself some.
Speaker 2:
[18:12] Normally it's not going to happen, right? Right. You're going to go, it's a Hilton Inn. You're going to want to call room service up.
Speaker 3:
[18:20] Yeah.
Speaker 2:
[18:21] You're going to get a hot pot of Joe.
Speaker 3:
[18:23] Yes.
Speaker 2:
[18:24] Oat milk on the side, fresh fruit.
Speaker 3:
[18:27] Yes.
Speaker 2:
[18:29] You're going to have sex.
Speaker 3:
[18:30] I want you to know that our vibe is a little bit more, because I have a time kink. Our vibe is a little bit more like, I'm going to call it in and then quick, can we before it gets here?
Speaker 2:
[18:39] You definitely can. Even if you take your time, you can. Room service takes so fucking long.
Speaker 3:
[18:44] This one was actually fast.
Speaker 2:
[18:45] I'm not even hungry by the time it comes.
Speaker 3:
[18:47] This is actually something I wanted to tell you because you're going to be so proud of me. In this hotel room, there was also a jacuzzi.
Speaker 2:
[18:54] It was in the room?
Speaker 3:
[18:55] In the bedroom, right next to the bed was a jacuzzi.
Speaker 2:
[18:57] Where were you guys staying?
Speaker 3:
[18:59] I don't even know.
Speaker 2:
[18:59] No, like Seattle. Seattle.
Speaker 3:
[19:01] Yeah.
Speaker 2:
[19:02] What a choice. It's giving Las Vegas.
Speaker 3:
[19:04] Yes. It's giving Edmonton in the mall in Canada.
Speaker 2:
[19:08] God, I miss that place.
Speaker 3:
[19:09] Yes. Fantasy Hotel, it's giving that.
Speaker 2:
[19:12] Did we share a room?
Speaker 3:
[19:14] No.
Speaker 5:
[19:16] This episode is brought to you by State Farm. You know those friends who support your preference for podcasts over music on road trips? That's the energy State Farm brings to insurance. With over 19,000 local agents, they help you find the coverage that fits your needs. So you can spend less time worrying about insurance and more time enjoying the ride. Download the State Farm app or go online at statefarm.com. Like a good neighbor, State Farm is there.
Speaker 1:
[19:42] Zootopia 2 has come home to Disney Plus. Let's go. Get ready for a new case.
Speaker 3:
[19:47] We're gonna crack this case and prove we're the greatest partners of all time.
Speaker 1:
[19:50] New friends.
Speaker 3:
[19:51] You are?
Speaker 1:
[19:52] Gary the snake. And your last name? The snake.
Speaker 5:
[19:56] Dream team. In new habitats. Zootopia has a secret reptile population.
Speaker 2:
[20:02] You can watch the record breaking phenomenon at home.
Speaker 5:
[20:05] You're clearly working it.
Speaker 1:
[20:07] Zootopia 2, now available on Disney Plus and on YouTube.
Speaker 2:
[20:15] We're excited, PG.
Speaker 3:
[20:16] Yes, we did.
Speaker 2:
[20:18] We did. I think the second time you went, there was a jacuzzi in yours.
Speaker 3:
[20:22] And I got that ear infection.
Speaker 2:
[20:23] Yes, and we shared a room the first time, and it was like a lover's room.
Speaker 3:
[20:27] Yeah, for sure.
Speaker 2:
[20:27] Do you remember? It was like unbelievably romantic.
Speaker 3:
[20:30] Mirrors everywhere.
Speaker 2:
[20:30] Mirrors everywhere. Where I was like, should we?
Speaker 3:
[20:34] The whole room was slippery.
Speaker 2:
[20:36] Dude. That was insane.
Speaker 3:
[20:38] You were like, should we?
Speaker 2:
[20:39] When you're at, when in Rome.
Speaker 3:
[20:40] When in Edmonton, Canada.
Speaker 2:
[20:41] And it was Roman themed.
Speaker 3:
[20:43] It was. We did share that room.
Speaker 2:
[20:46] Yeah.
Speaker 3:
[20:47] Wow.
Speaker 2:
[20:47] Those were the days.
Speaker 3:
[20:48] Those were the days. Okay. We had room service.
Speaker 2:
[20:53] Yeah.
Speaker 3:
[20:53] We fucked before it came.
Speaker 2:
[20:54] Okay. Classic.
Speaker 3:
[20:55] Then we were in Jukusi. There was, it was hot because by the way, hot water makes steam in your bedroom. So it was giving kind of like Rainforest Cafe.
Speaker 2:
[21:06] Yeah.
Speaker 3:
[21:06] Kind of Louisiana vibes.
Speaker 2:
[21:08] Yeah.
Speaker 3:
[21:08] You know what I mean? Swampy. So I crack open a window so that we could get some fresh Seattle air.
Speaker 2:
[21:14] Did a bird come in?
Speaker 3:
[21:16] No, but I would have not handled that well.
Speaker 2:
[21:19] Dude, I've had birds.
Speaker 3:
[21:20] If a bird would have flown, I would have been really, really bad.
Speaker 2:
[21:23] Have you ever had that happen?
Speaker 3:
[21:24] No, I don't. I don't with birds at all.
Speaker 2:
[21:26] I've had it happen multiple times.
Speaker 3:
[21:29] I would be unwell.
Speaker 2:
[21:29] I, when you have to get a broom out.
Speaker 3:
[21:32] What?
Speaker 2:
[21:32] To start chasing a bird out of the house.
Speaker 3:
[21:35] Dude.
Speaker 2:
[21:36] Nothing becomes unsexier also than your wife watching you try and get a bird out of the house.
Speaker 3:
[21:41] No. You know when you don't have a bra on, but you have to like move quickly to like help your family and your tits are just like, it's like, is that the broom or is that your left tit trying to squat a bird out of here? I mean, it is bad.
Speaker 2:
[21:53] It's bad.
Speaker 3:
[21:54] No.
Speaker 2:
[21:54] Keep those windows shut.
Speaker 3:
[21:55] I just, that's why when you and I were in that fire by the hotel, I had to put a bra on because if I'm moving quick, these tits need to be fucking strapped.
Speaker 2:
[22:04] You know what's crazy is there's so many people that listen to the pod now that have no idea of all these old episodes of the-
Speaker 3:
[22:09] You have to listen to the back catalog. You have to. It's wild back there.
Speaker 2:
[22:12] You guys, we were in a fire together. And not to brag, I saved your life.
Speaker 4:
[22:16] You did!
Speaker 3:
[22:17] You have also multiple times saved my life from fire. At least two.
Speaker 2:
[22:21] I'm good under pressure.
Speaker 3:
[22:22] And I'm bad under pressure. I become a Southern femme when I'm scared. I'm like, Kenny, help! I need my pearls! I get bad under pressure.
Speaker 2:
[22:30] You did, you did, I know.
Speaker 3:
[22:31] If I'm out, I get scared.
Speaker 2:
[22:32] No, I got you.
Speaker 3:
[22:33] Thank God you're here. You're such a dad.
Speaker 2:
[22:35] Imagine if a bird ever does get in your house, you call me.
Speaker 3:
[22:37] You know I will.
Speaker 2:
[22:38] I have a chainsaw.
Speaker 3:
[22:39] You know I will. Here's the thing about us. You're a dad and I'm a Southern belle.
Speaker 2:
[22:43] Yeah.
Speaker 3:
[22:44] I'm like, have you seen the Princess and the Frog?
Speaker 2:
[22:46] Yeah, of course.
Speaker 3:
[22:47] Tiana's best friend, who is like that young girl who is like, can I please have some of your world famous beignets? That's me.
Speaker 2:
[22:55] Dude, I'd go for a beignet right now.
Speaker 3:
[22:56] But you're kind of that like weird bug in the sky.
Speaker 2:
[22:59] I'm the villain. I'm that tall lanky.
Speaker 3:
[23:01] Oh my God, the voodoo guy.
Speaker 2:
[23:02] I'm the voodoo guy.
Speaker 3:
[23:03] For sure. God, all this to say, I ordered room service with my wife for the first time. Then we took a bath. I opened up a window, okay?
Speaker 2:
[23:11] Did you bath or did you jacuzzi?
Speaker 3:
[23:12] We jacuzzi, sorry. We jacuzzed.
Speaker 2:
[23:14] So you put on the jets.
Speaker 3:
[23:15] Yes.
Speaker 2:
[23:15] I just wanna say, I just wanna say, I would not do that if I were you.
Speaker 3:
[23:22] Okay, and I went back and forth a bunch of times, but this hotel was exceptionally clean.
Speaker 2:
[23:26] Okay. It was like, I know.
Speaker 3:
[23:29] Because if you're in Edmonton, I got an ear infection.
Speaker 2:
[23:32] Don't put on a jacuzzi at a hotel. Just be careful, you guys. I know.
Speaker 3:
[23:36] You can get stuff.
Speaker 2:
[23:36] You can get stuff.
Speaker 3:
[23:38] I know. I went back and forth a thousand times, and I put in a ton of soap and ran it before we were in there.
Speaker 2:
[23:43] Okay, good.
Speaker 3:
[23:43] So in my head, I was like, I took the risk. And by the way, this was yesterday. There's still room for side effects to show.
Speaker 2:
[23:53] On the next private episode next week, we'll find out. Maybe Ray will have a fungal infection.
Speaker 3:
[23:59] Anyways, I opened up a window, and then later on in the day, it's time to go to my show. I will go to close the window. The window won't close. There's jammed, and Seattle at nighttime, it's dropping to be 50 or below. It's cold. Also, we're in a part of a neighborhood that's sirens all the time. It's loud. I couldn't close it. I had the front desk guy at midnight to come. He cannot close it. There's no maintenance guy. So I'm like, shoot, we'll just put in earplugs and put on a blanket because it's freezing and it's loud. Then I go, what would my best friend, Ken, do? Then I said to them, hey guys, and I was mean, I said, hey.
Speaker 2:
[24:40] They didn't offer you another room?
Speaker 3:
[24:43] No.
Speaker 2:
[24:45] I'll get in there and if there's like the slightest smell of smoke or like chemicals, I go, move me.
Speaker 3:
[24:49] I know, any slight inconvenience, you're like.
Speaker 2:
[24:53] Not even an inconvenience of like, I don't want to, one, it's a security risk if the window doesn't close. Also, you can't just like, that's paying a full rate. Give me a room that works.
Speaker 3:
[25:04] I literally said this is a security risk because I channeled you.
Speaker 2:
[25:07] Yeah, you must have.
Speaker 3:
[25:08] I became you. I went. Because there's not another room open, I was like, however, if you guys wanted to do the right thing, yeah, good. Right? Kind of guilt them.
Speaker 2:
[25:21] Yeah.
Speaker 3:
[25:22] I said you could comp our room service bill.
Speaker 2:
[25:28] Oh, that's nice. And? They did. There you go. There you go.
Speaker 3:
[25:33] Dude, I was the happiest flubber you could have seen.
Speaker 2:
[25:35] Ask.
Speaker 3:
[25:36] Ask.
Speaker 2:
[25:36] There's no harm in asking. This is the one thing I'll say. When things go wrong, be calm.
Speaker 3:
[25:43] Keep your tits in line.
Speaker 2:
[25:44] Also realize that the people that are there are just doing, they're working a job.
Speaker 3:
[25:47] They have no power. Nobody knows anything.
Speaker 2:
[25:49] Also, don't get upset. I don't like when people go full Karen on people. Don't get upset with people. Don't be rude. Be polite and just ask for something. See what the possibilities are. But also if there is a security risk, if your door doesn't close, if your door doesn't lock, if there's not one of those, if your windows don't lock, change rooms.
Speaker 3:
[26:07] You got to.
Speaker 2:
[26:08] You have to. Be safe out there, everybody.
Speaker 3:
[26:10] If we have to take care of each other.
Speaker 2:
[26:11] Also, I remember this was a big thing. Don't answer your door for people that are working there.
Speaker 3:
[26:17] Yeah.
Speaker 2:
[26:17] And are like, we need you to move your car, or we need you to come down and redo something at the front desk. Don't open your door for people like that.
Speaker 3:
[26:24] Imagine my surprise when I was in Venice, Italy, and people said, we need you come down because the police are here, and I'm going, no way. And they're like, actually bring your passport. We need you.
Speaker 2:
[26:32] Yeah.
Speaker 3:
[26:33] But it's usually a trap. Listen to Ken.
Speaker 2:
[26:35] Usually it's a trap.
Speaker 3:
[26:36] But sometimes it's racism coming after your wife in Italy. But usually it's a trap. Listen to Uncle Ken.
Speaker 2:
[26:46] We now have some gay news news. Now we have fun stuff to talk about.
Speaker 3:
[26:53] What was not so what me doing room service isn't fun to you?
Speaker 2:
[26:57] This week in Gay News. I know that you're still on TikTok and I'm not.
Speaker 3:
[27:01] Right.
Speaker 2:
[27:02] I've deleted TikTok, X, the Reds, TaskRabbit. That was where I got a lot of my social media was TaskRabbit.
Speaker 3:
[27:11] There's so much goss on TaskRabbit. On Facebook Marketplace. Yeah.
Speaker 2:
[27:15] Actually, there is.
Speaker 3:
[27:16] Yeah.
Speaker 2:
[27:16] Which we learned from Kendall.
Speaker 3:
[27:18] I'm there.
Speaker 2:
[27:18] Okay. This week in Gay News. This has been all over TikTok recently and it's the Khia Asylum. And do you know what the Khia Asylum is?
Speaker 3:
[27:28] Explain.
Speaker 2:
[27:29] Okay. I'm so glad you don't. Do you know who Khia is?
Speaker 3:
[27:32] I don't.
Speaker 2:
[27:33] Okay. So this is actually good for you.
Speaker 3:
[27:35] It's Khia.
Speaker 2:
[27:36] Khia refers to a real person named Khia Shimon Finch, formerly Chambers, who was a rapper who rose to fame with the 2002 hit single, My Neck, My Back.
Speaker 3:
[27:48] My, yeah.
Speaker 2:
[27:50] A very famous song.
Speaker 3:
[27:51] Yeah.
Speaker 2:
[27:52] We still sing it. We still talk about it to this day.
Speaker 3:
[27:54] All you, pop your pussies like this.
Speaker 2:
[27:57] That's Khia.
Speaker 3:
[27:57] Don't stop, don't miss, do it. Do it.
Speaker 2:
[28:01] Exactly.
Speaker 3:
[28:02] Oh my God.
Speaker 2:
[28:03] A hit, right? But a one.
Speaker 3:
[28:05] Lick it good. So, he just.
Speaker 2:
[28:08] Hey, this is a.
Speaker 3:
[28:09] Oh, sorry.
Speaker 2:
[28:09] Leah, please bleep that.
Speaker 3:
[28:11] Sorry.
Speaker 2:
[28:12] Okay. Following the hit, she faded into relative obscurity. So, what this, what happens is, so on Twitter, a fan decided to take Khia's name and turn it into a term to describe a pop star whose career never really took off or stalled after their first breakthrough.
Speaker 3:
[28:33] Okay.
Speaker 2:
[28:34] So, it traced back to 2014 when someone on Twitter made fun of a Khia fan who cried while meeting the rapper. And they said, this has got to be a Photoshop. Ain't nobody crying when they met Khia in 2014. So, after that, Khia is now supposed to mean an unknown, a civilian, a local, a regular person. And in the cruelest sense, it refers to pop stars whose music and careers have flopped. So people call Bibi Rexha, Ava Max, some mainstream people that had pop hits, like Iggy Azalea. They'll say that they are now in the Khia Asylum.
Speaker 3:
[29:13] Incredible.
Speaker 2:
[29:15] It's been kind of popping off everywhere right now. And people are saying like, Hillary Duff was in the Khia Asylum, but has broken free.
Speaker 3:
[29:22] She broke free.
Speaker 2:
[29:23] She's on ankle monitor.
Speaker 3:
[29:26] She is out on like good behavior, but like we're watching you.
Speaker 2:
[29:30] We're watching.
Speaker 3:
[29:31] Like you're one step away from being right back in the, what do they call it? The asylum.
Speaker 2:
[29:35] The asylum, the Khia Asylum.
Speaker 3:
[29:37] She's on warning.
Speaker 2:
[29:38] I will say Hillary has broken out, right? She's doing a huge press tour right now. But I will say if this album flops, she's right back in the clink.
Speaker 3:
[29:45] I feel like Hillary Duff is in like a halfway house.
Speaker 2:
[29:48] Yeah.
Speaker 3:
[29:48] Where like we're waiting. You can check in and out.
Speaker 2:
[29:53] Yeah.
Speaker 3:
[29:53] But you have to come back here.
Speaker 2:
[29:54] Yeah. Of the Khia Asylum. And if you fuck up, yeah.
Speaker 3:
[29:58] You're going straight back to the slammer.
Speaker 2:
[29:59] I will say, I agree. I think Hillary is out on parole right now.
Speaker 3:
[30:04] Yeah.
Speaker 2:
[30:04] For sure.
Speaker 3:
[30:05] She definitely has a PO officer. And it's all of the gay community going.
Speaker 2:
[30:08] We're watching you.
Speaker 3:
[30:09] We're watching you.
Speaker 2:
[30:10] We're also rooting for you.
Speaker 3:
[30:11] Yeah.
Speaker 2:
[30:13] Who do you think, who do you want to see come out of the Khia Asylum next? Who are some of your faves that you know are in there?
Speaker 3:
[30:24] I feel like this might be too deep of a cut for you.
Speaker 2:
[30:26] Doubt it.
Speaker 3:
[30:28] There was a band.
Speaker 2:
[30:29] Okay.
Speaker 3:
[30:31] I'm talking late 90s, early 2000s called BB. Mack. They had a song called Back Here.
Speaker 2:
[30:37] Yeah. I do know BB.
Speaker 3:
[30:39] I want to sing a bit of it for those listeners who have no idea what I'm talking about. Until you're back here, baby. Miss you, want you, need you, so. Is this ringing a bell?
Speaker 2:
[30:51] It's absolutely ringing a bell.
Speaker 3:
[30:53] Now they had that hit. I'm talking like that's some music. Now that's what I call music six. They went bye bye. I want them back back. Until you're back here, baby. I'd also like the Baha Men to drop another album in 2026.
Speaker 2:
[31:08] I'd like to see it.
Speaker 3:
[31:08] Who let the dogs out? Let's find out who let the cats in. Hi, we're the Baha Men and now we're highbrow. Just a pitch.
Speaker 2:
[31:17] I think it's interesting that you're going all men, exclusively male singers.
Speaker 3:
[31:21] Oh, well I've only done two.
Speaker 2:
[31:23] Well, two for two being men is bizarre.
Speaker 3:
[31:26] I have a lot more to go.
Speaker 2:
[31:27] I wanna hear another.
Speaker 3:
[31:28] You give me another.
Speaker 2:
[31:30] Kelly Clarkson is definitely the ringleader of the Khia Asylum.
Speaker 3:
[31:34] You think she's only allowed to do covers now?
Speaker 2:
[31:38] I'm kidding. I'm just fucking with you because you love her so much. She obviously is way too good for the Khia Asylum. She's an unbelievable artist.
Speaker 3:
[31:46] Thank you.
Speaker 2:
[31:47] I would like to see Jewel.
Speaker 3:
[31:49] Incredible.
Speaker 2:
[31:49] I think Jewel's in there. She's been painting paintings on the wall, finger paintings.
Speaker 3:
[31:53] Yeah.
Speaker 2:
[31:53] She's doing a lot with her hands. My hands. You know what I'm talking about?
Speaker 3:
[31:57] Can I say something?
Speaker 2:
[31:58] Yeah.
Speaker 3:
[31:59] You know who I need to be put back in the asylum?
Speaker 2:
[32:01] Who?
Speaker 3:
[32:02] Chris Brown. Yeah. Why on earth did we let this man out of the asylum?
Speaker 2:
[32:09] We didn't.
Speaker 3:
[32:11] He broke out.
Speaker 2:
[32:12] No, he was never in.
Speaker 3:
[32:14] That's so.
Speaker 2:
[32:15] We never put him in.
Speaker 3:
[32:16] That's what's fucked up.
Speaker 2:
[32:16] But here's the thing. You can only go to the asylum if you don't have hits. And he, unfortunately, I can't believe this, has a lot of hits. Oh, I don't like him. No, I'm not standing him.
Speaker 3:
[32:26] We can't let this happen.
Speaker 2:
[32:27] But he's never been in there.
Speaker 3:
[32:29] The way that people, women, went to the Breezy Bowl.
Speaker 2:
[32:32] I know.
Speaker 3:
[32:33] Bravely, shamelessly.
Speaker 2:
[32:35] Yeah, I know. Leah flies up a pic. It's you and me at the Breezy Bowl.
Speaker 3:
[32:39] Flashing. Yeah.
Speaker 2:
[32:43] No, he needs to be in something. He needs to be in a real prison.
Speaker 3:
[32:46] Yes.
Speaker 2:
[32:47] For all that he's done.
Speaker 3:
[32:48] He needs to be in a real prison.
Speaker 2:
[32:50] Because he does hit women and that's not good.
Speaker 3:
[32:51] No, that sucks. Who else would you bring out of the Khia Asylum?
Speaker 2:
[32:55] God, there are so many and that's what's tough. I do think Michelle Branch. I'm going more early 2000s. I love her, Vanessa Carlton. I think they're not pop stars, but I think they were one hit wonders.
Speaker 3:
[33:11] Everyone Charlie XCX was just fluttering around here.
Speaker 2:
[33:14] Yeah. There's a lot more pop stars that have Zara Larson recently escaped.
Speaker 3:
[33:19] She just got out.
Speaker 2:
[33:20] Just got out, but again is on parole.
Speaker 3:
[33:22] For sure.
Speaker 2:
[33:23] Has to have another hit. She escaped on a past song.
Speaker 3:
[33:26] Yeah.
Speaker 2:
[33:27] Do you know what I mean?
Speaker 3:
[33:27] Of course.
Speaker 2:
[33:28] The song just kept getting heat on TikTok, so she got out.
Speaker 3:
[33:31] God bless her for that.
Speaker 2:
[33:32] Here's the thing. I love the lore and the lore.
Speaker 3:
[33:37] Do you know who just came out? I'm so sorry. Of the asylum?
Speaker 2:
[33:40] Demi Lovato.
Speaker 3:
[33:41] Sophie Tucker for that song. Can you believe that?
Speaker 2:
[33:46] There's a lot of people that are coming in and out.
Speaker 3:
[33:49] It's just like, bam. People are like, it's because TikTok is looking at the asylum and going yoink, yoink, yoink, yoink, yoink, yoink, yoink.
Speaker 2:
[33:57] It's a lot of pop stars are in there.
Speaker 3:
[33:58] Interesting.
Speaker 2:
[34:00] I know. Listen, I love it. I'm having so much fun watching people break down the Khia Asylum and what it means, who's in there.
Speaker 3:
[34:06] It's fun.
Speaker 2:
[34:07] Who's the warden. They did say Bibi Rexha is the warden of the Khia Asylum, which is funny. We're having fun. Listen, I don't like making fun of women, but we can make fun of pop stars sometimes. In other. Who are you laughing at?
Speaker 3:
[34:25] You're funny, dude.
Speaker 2:
[34:27] In other.
Speaker 3:
[34:28] You're my friend. I can't wait to see what you look like under that wig.
Speaker 2:
[34:31] I'll never take it off. I'll never take it off.
Speaker 3:
[34:34] Do you know who doesn't take off her wig? Who? This woman named Lisa on this season of 90 Day Fiance. She wears wig every day. She's been married to women for the past 25 years. She's dating this guy. He has no idea. He's very religious.
Speaker 2:
[34:49] About the wig or about the women? Both.
Speaker 3:
[34:51] Well, he requires the wig to stay on. He prefers her with it. So she keeps it on.
Speaker 2:
[34:55] Does the wig look like a wig?
Speaker 3:
[34:57] Unbelievably so, like a wig. It's all wig. And she recently shat the bed on an episode. He was like, it was disgusting. You wouldn't believe the things that I see.
Speaker 2:
[35:09] I don't want to watch it. For sure. In other gay news. Now this just happened last night. So I have to read it off my phone. And I do apologize to our listeners and viewers.
Speaker 3:
[35:20] What happened?
Speaker 2:
[35:22] Breaking news.
Speaker 3:
[35:23] I love when you go quiet. It makes me feel excited.
Speaker 2:
[35:26] Tomb Raider, the movie, is in production right now.
Speaker 3:
[35:30] Oh my God.
Speaker 2:
[35:30] This is the reboot of the Angelina Jolie horny masterpiece from the early 2000s.
Speaker 3:
[35:38] Of course. That's an outfit.
Speaker 2:
[35:41] It's a TV show. So they're coming out with the reboot TV show.
Speaker 3:
[35:44] Who's in it?
Speaker 2:
[35:45] Sophie Turner. We did gay news about this a while ago. Wow. She's from Game of Thrones. You might know her from Game of Thrones. Okay. She apparently sustained an injury.
Speaker 3:
[35:58] No.
Speaker 2:
[35:59] They're fully pausing the television show production for about two weeks minimum. They don't know. They're not saying anything. They're just saying she suffered a minor injury, and they won't confirm whether it happened on or offset. They're being very secretive about this. They're saying it's just a precaution, but we're going to allow her time to recover from whatever this is.
Speaker 3:
[36:21] I hope she's okay.
Speaker 2:
[36:22] I hope she's okay too. It's interesting. She was confirmed last year as Laura Croft, and she released all these pictures.
Speaker 3:
[36:30] I hope she didn't hurt her braid. It could be braid-related. I feel like it might be a braid injury.
Speaker 2:
[36:34] She needs to go down.
Speaker 3:
[36:35] Do you know the braid?
Speaker 2:
[36:35] Yeah. It's actually the only thing I remember.
Speaker 3:
[36:37] Right.
Speaker 2:
[36:38] It's the shower scene where she flips her hair up. Yeah. It's sad. I hope she's okay, but I'm also very excited that they are in production right now.
Speaker 3:
[36:46] Me too. It's an exciting time.
Speaker 2:
[36:48] It's very exciting.
Speaker 3:
[36:48] I love when women will put like a strap right here and then have like a knife on her.
Speaker 2:
[36:53] I love anything utility, anything utility. A thigh strap with a knife in it.
Speaker 3:
[36:57] Yeah.
Speaker 2:
[36:58] I'm going to need more of that.
Speaker 3:
[36:59] A woman trying to get information out of you and then like touches her thigh, but boom, it's a tiny dagger.
Speaker 2:
[37:05] That's right up our alley.
Speaker 3:
[37:06] Why are you laughing?
Speaker 2:
[37:07] I'm laughing because it's so real. It's so our generation to be like, and she's going to get information out of you.
Speaker 3:
[37:13] She's trying to get something out of me. I go, I can't do this. She's using her feminine wiles.
Speaker 2:
[37:18] We're right back to Charlie's Angels and Alias.
Speaker 3:
[37:20] As always.
Speaker 2:
[37:21] It's our generation's favorite type of show.
Speaker 3:
[37:23] I want an international spy to be in a wig.
Speaker 2:
[37:27] In cognito.
Speaker 3:
[37:28] Getting information out of me against my will.
Speaker 2:
[37:30] And also that wig, very obnoxious.
Speaker 3:
[37:33] Yes.
Speaker 2:
[37:33] The wig is bright red.
Speaker 3:
[37:34] Yes.
Speaker 2:
[37:35] Or Holland braids.
Speaker 3:
[37:37] It's a full bob.
Speaker 2:
[37:41] I love when they go undercover and it is the most absurd outfits.
Speaker 3:
[37:45] We're Swedish. For why? For who? For me.
Speaker 2:
[37:49] It's for me.
Speaker 3:
[37:50] Yeah.
Speaker 2:
[37:50] Now, at one point, weren't they gay shows as well?
Speaker 3:
[37:53] For sure. That's the perfect movie.
Speaker 2:
[37:59] I think I brought both of them.
Speaker 3:
[38:00] I love Charlie's and Jose's.
Speaker 2:
[38:01] I'm full throttle.
Speaker 3:
[38:02] I'm gonna need to go.
Speaker 2:
[38:04] I'm gonna need to have.
Speaker 3:
[38:04] I'm gonna need to watch that right now. Let's do a screening in the summer.
Speaker 2:
[38:07] We should. That has been it for G-G-G-G-Gay News News. This week in S-S-S-S-Straight News News. Ray, you're just gonna love this.
Speaker 3:
[38:22] Tell me, what's going on with the straight people?
Speaker 2:
[38:23] Straight people are buck wild. This week in Straight News, House Republicans advance a bill to ban strippers in schools, despite there being absolutely no evidence of that. So they're like, let's put all of our powers into writing a bill, promoting that bill, pushing it through the house, when there is, I've never heard of a stripper being at a school.
Speaker 3:
[38:47] Here's the thing, they're now passing bills for things that we have no evidence has ever happened.
Speaker 2:
[38:53] This shit doesn't happen. They're trying to pass laws based on things that do not happen.
Speaker 3:
[38:58] In that case, we're gonna need a law against people telling me that I look too tall in person.
Speaker 2:
[39:06] They do that. Yeah.
Speaker 3:
[39:08] This is what I'm saying.
Speaker 2:
[39:09] We're gonna need a law.
Speaker 3:
[39:11] Against women being too sexually satisfied by me.
Speaker 2:
[39:14] Yeah.
Speaker 3:
[39:15] Then.
Speaker 2:
[39:16] Yeah. Ban that. That happens way too often. Too much.
Speaker 3:
[39:19] Yeah.
Speaker 2:
[39:20] Ban all the women coming up to me and trying to tongue me down.
Speaker 3:
[39:25] Yes. Good.
Speaker 2:
[39:28] That happens too often.
Speaker 3:
[39:29] All the time. This is fucking ridiculous.
Speaker 2:
[39:31] No, it's crazy.
Speaker 3:
[39:32] I'm just a bill and I'm sitting here on Capitol Hill.
Speaker 2:
[39:37] It's just why are we doing this? Why are we doing this?
Speaker 3:
[39:42] It's almost like a distraction from something else.
Speaker 2:
[39:46] From my Invisalign.
Speaker 3:
[39:48] This is all you.
Speaker 2:
[39:49] It's me.
Speaker 3:
[39:50] To distract people from your Invisalign.
Speaker 2:
[39:51] Yeah. I'm trying to keep the news cycle going.
Speaker 3:
[39:55] It's working.
Speaker 2:
[39:56] I'm trying to keep the news cycle moving so no one can tell that I have Invisalign.
Speaker 3:
[40:00] Kenny is the one going, I wonder if there's too many trans athletes and then putting in a tray. Dude, funny.
Speaker 2:
[40:06] It's a lot of work.
Speaker 3:
[40:08] You're really funny.
Speaker 2:
[40:09] Thank you. You as well.
Speaker 3:
[40:11] Thank you.
Speaker 2:
[40:12] Now, I'm the one telling JK Rowling to keep writing her manifestos while I put in my new trays.
Speaker 3:
[40:17] HBO, I think.
Speaker 2:
[40:19] It is HBO.
Speaker 3:
[40:20] Launching it.
Speaker 2:
[40:21] It's going to do really bad.
Speaker 3:
[40:22] Who needs to start it from over from the top?
Speaker 2:
[40:24] Here's the thing. Same with Lord Of The Rings. HBO was like, you know what, let's do a TV show. It flopped. It flopped. We do not need Harry Potter anything anymore. She is a-
Speaker 3:
[40:33] She ruined it.
Speaker 2:
[40:34] She ruined it. She did ruin it.
Speaker 3:
[40:35] Unless you're targeting it only at bigots and turfs.
Speaker 2:
[40:39] Yeah. She's, I mean, and maybe they are. Maybe they're like, that's a huge market for us right now.
Speaker 3:
[40:44] It's just like, let it go.
Speaker 2:
[40:45] Well, it's like-
Speaker 3:
[40:46] It's giving the episode of when Spongebob ripped his pants, which is unfortunately my life. Let it go.
Speaker 2:
[40:51] I want to say it's been years since I tore my pants.
Speaker 3:
[40:55] I tore mine literally yesterday.
Speaker 2:
[40:57] Where though?
Speaker 3:
[40:59] Right where the sun does shine.
Speaker 2:
[41:03] Really?
Speaker 3:
[41:04] Yes. I was running around with my godbaby in the backyard, heard a tear. That couldn't be me.
Speaker 2:
[41:10] What type of pant was it?
Speaker 3:
[41:11] It was a kind of like canvassy tan.
Speaker 2:
[41:14] Those are hard to rip?
Speaker 3:
[41:16] Not hard for me.
Speaker 2:
[41:17] I would like to say this.
Speaker 3:
[41:19] I blow through pants.
Speaker 2:
[41:21] I did back in the day, I was blowing through pants left and right.
Speaker 3:
[41:24] I blow through underpants.
Speaker 2:
[41:26] That you shouldn't.
Speaker 3:
[41:27] And I do.
Speaker 2:
[41:28] Maybe you're buying them too small.
Speaker 3:
[41:29] I would like to say they're huge.
Speaker 2:
[41:31] I'm happy that skinny jeans are no longer a thing.
Speaker 3:
[41:34] Right.
Speaker 2:
[41:34] Because I was blowing through skinny jeans. They were just too tight all the way up.
Speaker 3:
[41:39] Do you know those bodysuits that snap in the base? I know you do because you wear them on the road. Do you know what I'm talking about?
Speaker 2:
[41:43] I used to wear them on the road.
Speaker 3:
[41:44] What do you know what I'm talking about?
Speaker 2:
[41:45] For my personal health.
Speaker 3:
[41:47] Picture that on me with men's boxers underneath that. Are you laughing?
Speaker 2:
[41:52] Picture that with men's boxers underneath it?
Speaker 3:
[41:54] Do you wear it? Is that the underwear?
Speaker 2:
[41:57] I wear a thong under it, not a thong over it. Why would you wear something over it? It would be your jean. Underwear should be the first thing.
Speaker 3:
[42:11] First underwear.
Speaker 2:
[42:12] Yes.
Speaker 3:
[42:12] Then snaps.
Speaker 2:
[42:13] Yeah, so if you're wearing boxers.
Speaker 3:
[42:15] It's not snaps, then boxers, then pants.
Speaker 2:
[42:17] No. Unless you want that to be also your underwear.
Speaker 3:
[42:20] Well, I don't know the code of conduct. Because Bubbles asking me and I'm giving her the wrong answers.
Speaker 2:
[42:31] This is getting too medical.
Speaker 3:
[42:32] Okay.
Speaker 2:
[42:33] Okay. That is it. Been it for Cissississistraight News News. We now have some Ask A Dykes.
Speaker 3:
[42:42] And thank goodness.
Speaker 2:
[42:52] And if you have an Ask A Dyke, you can email us at twodykesandamike.com or you can call the Dyke hotline. The number is in the description.
Speaker 3:
[43:00] Dyke hotline twodykesandamike.gmail.com. Fastest way is if you type it out, print it, get it notarized, shove it up your ass. Then McKenzie gets it. It comes out of her nose, the right nostril only because the left one is too small.
Speaker 2:
[43:12] It's way too small. Hi Dykes, help. I'm really interested and attracted to the instructor of a dance class I was taking once a week for a month. Classic fumble, I never got their number. Now I'm left regretting it. I often get nervous because they must be around 30 while I'm 24. A majority of the time, I'm certain I've correctly read the energy in the room. I've caught them staring. I've definitely been staring. And even flirted a little while panicking about how to make small talk. They were the highlight of my weeks. Neither of us are online and it's unlikely to run into them. So I have two options. I either wait an undisclosed handful of months until another adult class is offered, or I catch them at the end of a kid's class that they teach and ask them out. On a scale of endearing to intense stalking, where do you place the second option? And how would you go about it? Especially if a handful of weeks have passed. Love you both. I've been sprinkles of gay. You've been the sprinkles of gay I needed when otherwise there were none.
Speaker 3:
[44:18] I'm happy to sprinkle all over you.
Speaker 2:
[44:20] You flubber all over everyone.
Speaker 3:
[44:22] I'm flubbing and you're spranking.
Speaker 2:
[44:24] I'm spranking and I'm planking.
Speaker 3:
[44:26] And I'm flubbing. Welcome back to Two In The Bank.
Speaker 2:
[44:29] Two In The Bank, dude. Two In The Bank rocked. That was really fun. Okay. Ray, how do you think about this? Because you take classes all the time and you used to also be an instructor.
Speaker 3:
[44:41] As somebody who loves group fitness classes.
Speaker 2:
[44:44] Yeah.
Speaker 3:
[44:45] And who was a professional group fitness coach.
Speaker 2:
[44:48] Yeah.
Speaker 3:
[44:50] For years.
Speaker 2:
[44:51] How would you, because you were in your early 30s when you were instructing.
Speaker 3:
[44:54] I was.
Speaker 2:
[44:55] If you had a 24-year-old student.
Speaker 3:
[44:58] Yeah.
Speaker 2:
[44:59] You hadn't seen them in a while. They came and met you outside of one of your classes and asked you out. How would you feel about that? Because I know my initial reaction.
Speaker 3:
[45:08] Well, what's your, it's hard for me to say because I, nobody has ever approached me.
Speaker 2:
[45:15] Yeah.
Speaker 3:
[45:15] And I'm married.
Speaker 2:
[45:17] Yeah.
Speaker 3:
[45:17] But nobody, I am always the approach-er. But what would you feel like?
Speaker 2:
[45:23] I've been asked out at two of my jobs. In both of them.
Speaker 3:
[45:28] By like customers?
Speaker 2:
[45:29] Yes.
Speaker 3:
[45:30] Wow. Kenny can pull.
Speaker 2:
[45:32] No.
Speaker 3:
[45:33] No.
Speaker 2:
[45:34] They were both elderly men. Blind. No, I just did, I felt it was inappropriate. What?
Speaker 3:
[45:44] Could you all hear that Kenny said they were elderly men?
Speaker 2:
[45:47] Blind?
Speaker 3:
[45:50] Let's hold space for how funny you are.
Speaker 2:
[45:52] They were both drug sniffing dogs.
Speaker 3:
[45:55] They thought I had something on me. I didn't.
Speaker 2:
[45:58] They kept sniffing my crotch.
Speaker 3:
[46:00] My crotch just has a weird react.
Speaker 2:
[46:03] I just want to say, can I just say real quick, there's nothing worse than going to a friend's house and their dog will not leave your crotch alone. That is genuinely one of the most panic. What do you do?
Speaker 3:
[46:14] What do you do?
Speaker 2:
[46:14] You can't shove the dogs head away because then you're like assaulting their dog, but you also can't let them just stay there. It's the worst. It's genuinely the worst feeling in the world to be at a friend's house and their dog's like checking out your crotch area.
Speaker 3:
[46:28] I hate when I feel like lesbians are always like, she takes after her mother and you're like, I don't want to do this with you.
Speaker 2:
[46:35] Who has ever said that to you?
Speaker 3:
[46:38] Every butch I know.
Speaker 2:
[46:39] Says takes after her mother?
Speaker 3:
[46:42] Right.
Speaker 2:
[46:43] Fuck that.
Speaker 3:
[46:43] Fuck that.
Speaker 2:
[46:44] If I was on a date and someone said that to me, I'd actually stop the date right there.
Speaker 3:
[46:48] No, dude, I'm telling you, also every tiny lesbian has a huge dog.
Speaker 2:
[46:54] World's biggest dog that won't stop sniffing crotches.
Speaker 3:
[46:57] No, and it's like, you can't even hold your dog back because your dog wants Kenny's crotch. That's so funny. Like, do something. Help me.
Speaker 2:
[47:07] Help me. Help me.
Speaker 3:
[47:09] Put your dog outside.
Speaker 2:
[47:10] Please, for the love of God, you guys put your dog outside.
Speaker 3:
[47:16] That is so funny, dude. There's something that we got to work on. You know what I mean? We got to take care of each other out here because McKenzie's fighting for her life.
Speaker 2:
[47:24] Whenever I meet a dog, I'm fighting for my life. I'm fighting for my life.
Speaker 3:
[47:30] Sometimes I will say, whoa, take me out for dinner first. That usually works to be like, help me. That's like my cry for help. My cry for help is like-
Speaker 2:
[47:38] When a dog's sniffing away at you.
Speaker 3:
[47:40] Yeah, I go, uh-oh, take me out for dinner first. And then I look at the owner with eyes that are giving, pleading. Help me.
Speaker 2:
[47:46] Pleading. Some might say pleading eyes. Okay, that's actually a really good way to kind of navigate when it- And I know this wasn't your Ask A Dyke.
Speaker 3:
[47:54] I didn't say your question at all.
Speaker 2:
[47:56] If you're ever in a situation where a dog is unrelentingly sniffing your crotch, which it seems like happens to Ray a lot too.
Speaker 3:
[48:04] It's a tale as old as time.
Speaker 2:
[48:05] It really is. I like take me out to dinner first.
Speaker 3:
[48:09] Yeah, give it a try.
Speaker 2:
[48:10] Instead of, okay, okay, I'm on my period. Which is my go-to.
Speaker 3:
[48:14] Yes, I'm on my period. Dude.
Speaker 2:
[48:20] Okay, back to the question.
Speaker 3:
[48:21] Back to the question at hand. As a coach. Yeah. Wait, it's happened to you by two elderly bald men.
Speaker 2:
[48:29] Blind. Sorry, he's blind. Sorry, he's gay. Yes. I hated getting asked out at work. But picture if it was not a man. Especially if they're a client. No, one of them was a woman. When I was at my, not to brag, library job.
Speaker 3:
[48:45] You've had it a thousand jobs.
Speaker 2:
[48:46] That's right. I worked circulation. Okay. I was flattered by it, but it also when you're-
Speaker 3:
[48:54] Funny for you to work circulation as somebody who has-
Speaker 2:
[48:57] Low blood circulation, as the doctors say.
Speaker 3:
[48:59] I was going to say no game.
Speaker 2:
[49:04] Both. When I was asked out, I didn't like it because it made me feel pressure, especially I also worked a restaurant job and they were a customer that came in a lot. So it made me feel like you have to say yes, because this person like tips you.
Speaker 3:
[49:20] I'll say, you pick, shoot your shot or staying a member at that gym.
Speaker 2:
[49:27] I agree.
Speaker 3:
[49:28] You can't have both because that person who works there has no choice, but to keep working there, that's how they make money.
Speaker 2:
[49:34] Well, there's a power imbalance and I'm very against asking people out with a power imbalance and that's at work. If you are their superior, you can't go back.
Speaker 3:
[49:42] It's different if you're not a regular. You go to a restaurant, your waitress is cute, you're like, I'm never going to be here again, you leave your number on the receipt, fine.
Speaker 2:
[49:51] I've done that before.
Speaker 3:
[49:51] Of course, we've all done that.
Speaker 2:
[49:52] Never called back.
Speaker 3:
[49:53] Not once has that worked for me.
Speaker 2:
[49:55] Never worked for me.
Speaker 3:
[49:56] I've done it all the time.
Speaker 2:
[49:58] I still do.
Speaker 3:
[49:59] I can't stop.
Speaker 2:
[50:00] I do it everywhere I go.
Speaker 3:
[50:01] I cannot stop myself from doing that. Nobody responds.
Speaker 2:
[50:03] Nobody calls me back.
Speaker 3:
[50:04] If you're not going to be there very often, fine. But if you're weekly going to this class, then you're like, I think it has to be like your final hurrah. This is your Hail Mary.
Speaker 2:
[50:13] I agree. But I also think it has to be when you're still taking the class. I think going weeks to months later after taking the class, meeting them outside a class that they teach does give a little bit of like, I'm followed. Yeah, I don't like that.
Speaker 3:
[50:27] I like that, but I'm nuts. I want to be followed.
Speaker 2:
[50:30] Perceived and followed. I think most women don't like to feel like they're being followed.
Speaker 3:
[50:35] Right. I am kind of like a weird.
Speaker 2:
[50:38] Flubber.
Speaker 3:
[50:38] Flubber in that way. Yeah. But you got to like make sure that, yeah, they don't feel, because the thing about being at that gym all the time where they post your schedule, people can choose to find you every time. You don't want to feel like every time I'm here you have to be here. So like definitely have it be like this is the last, like I, whatever, and then they can decide, because this could be like how you, this could be your meet cute.
Speaker 2:
[51:02] Yeah.
Speaker 3:
[51:02] But in case it's not, you don't want this person to feel like.
Speaker 2:
[51:06] They're being followed.
Speaker 3:
[51:07] This is like now something they have to deal with. They probably won't shoot your shop, but then go to a different gym.
Speaker 2:
[51:12] But that would be, so I would do their first, I think they said it's their first thing, of they would take the class again. Yeah, wait a handful of months until an adult class is offered again. That's what I would do. Take the class one more time, see if there's a vibe, ask them out.
Speaker 3:
[51:30] Yeah. It's hard to feel the vibe when somebody's coaching or doing something publicly. Because you have a coach voice, you have a coach vibe that is hard to know if it's specific to you or not. But I think it's definitely worth a try if you're like, now I'm not going to take this class anymore. I, as a coach, always assumed that these milfs that I was coaching were falling in love with me. And they never were, not once. Were they ever falling in love with me?
Speaker 2:
[51:58] You've got something else going on.
Speaker 3:
[52:00] For sure.
Speaker 2:
[52:01] I would wait till the last day. Last class, ask her out.
Speaker 3:
[52:04] Yeah. It's like when you're in school and right before summer, you ask your teacher out on a date.
Speaker 2:
[52:10] God, Rachel.
Speaker 3:
[52:12] What? It's polite to wait.
Speaker 2:
[52:15] We have another Ask A Dyke.
Speaker 3:
[52:16] Okay.
Speaker 2:
[52:18] I don't condone teacher-student relationships in this pod.
Speaker 3:
[52:21] You're being weird today.
Speaker 2:
[52:22] I'm going to watch the movie. You ever seen the movie Chloe with Amanda Seyfried and the ginger? What's her name?
Speaker 3:
[52:30] Who? From Bridgerton? The juicy one?
Speaker 2:
[52:33] No. Famous Ginger. Famous Ginger.
Speaker 3:
[52:35] Carrot Top?
Speaker 2:
[52:36] No.
Speaker 3:
[52:37] Raggedy Ann?
Speaker 2:
[52:37] No.
Speaker 3:
[52:38] The Wendy's Girl?
Speaker 2:
[52:39] Not Jessica Chastain.
Speaker 3:
[52:40] Lindsay Lohan?
Speaker 2:
[52:41] Oh, God. There's a lot more gingers than I thought.
Speaker 3:
[52:43] Nicole Kidman?
Speaker 2:
[52:44] No. God. Wow.
Speaker 3:
[52:45] I mean.
Speaker 2:
[52:46] The other one from The Kids Are Alright.
Speaker 3:
[52:47] Bozo the Clown?
Speaker 2:
[52:48] No.
Speaker 3:
[52:48] Julianne Moore.
Speaker 2:
[52:49] Julianne Moore. Amanda Seyfried. Tonguing Down Hard. You ever seen it?
Speaker 3:
[52:55] Is it an age difference movie?
Speaker 2:
[52:56] Yes.
Speaker 3:
[52:57] Is it sad?
Speaker 2:
[53:00] More of a thriller, but they hook up.
Speaker 3:
[53:02] Fly in with a review next time.
Speaker 2:
[53:04] I'm going to. I'm watching it tonight with the E, date movie.
Speaker 3:
[53:07] Cool.
Speaker 2:
[53:07] Okay. We have another Ask A Dyke.
Speaker 3:
[53:09] Great.
Speaker 2:
[53:10] Complex short story. It's kind of what I would call you.
Speaker 3:
[53:15] Thank you.
Speaker 2:
[53:15] If you were a book.
Speaker 3:
[53:17] Yeah.
Speaker 2:
[53:17] You'd be a complex short story.
Speaker 3:
[53:19] I would be Captain Underpants if I was a book and you know that.
Speaker 2:
[53:21] Yeah. Tra la la la.
Speaker 3:
[53:23] If you were a book, you would be the dictionary. And at the end, it would be a picture of you trying to have sex with me.
Speaker 2:
[53:29] Complex short story. I broke up with my-
Speaker 3:
[53:31] Are you serious?
Speaker 2:
[53:32] I broke up-
Speaker 3:
[53:32] Are you serious? You're not going to acknowledge anything that I said? You're not going to say anything about being the dictionary?
Speaker 2:
[53:40] I wouldn't be the dictionary, you bitch.
Speaker 3:
[53:44] What would you be? A play?
Speaker 2:
[53:46] No.
Speaker 3:
[53:46] A sonnet?
Speaker 2:
[53:49] I'd be withering heights. You would be- Not withering. Withering.
Speaker 3:
[53:53] It's a knockoff. The instructions to a kitchen aid.
Speaker 2:
[53:58] No. Wrong. It's not gay enough.
Speaker 3:
[54:02] You would be the transcript to Carol. Sold on eBay for a lot of money, and then in delivery got a little messed up.
Speaker 2:
[54:12] Flowing ad budget on metrics that look great till the CFO sees them. That's bull spend, and marketers are calling it out in Dashboard Confessions.
Speaker 4:
[54:22] I remember telling my boss, it'll be good for the brand when leads were slow. Yeah, it wasn't.
Speaker 1:
[54:29] Cut the bull spend. LinkedIn lets you target by company, job title and more. Advertise on LinkedIn. Spend $250 on your first campaign and get a $250 credit. Go to linkedin.com/campaignterms and conditions apply.
Speaker 4:
[54:43] From sauce, dust, to nuggets. It's Taco Bell's new Diablo dusted crispy chicken nuggets. Are they mild? If they were mild, we'd have to change the name to little rascal nuggets or minor nuisance nuggets. Definitely Diablo. New Diablo dusted crispy chicken nuggets. A brand new classic. Only at Taco Bell. At participating US Taco Bell locations for a limited time and while supplies last.
Speaker 2:
[55:15] I don't know what I think about these. It's showing a lot about what you think about me.
Speaker 3:
[55:20] Parentheses positive, I'm the one buying it. Parentheses mid, I'm the one going, here's all my savings from mowing lawns. I'd like that transcript. You get it? I put it right down my pants.
Speaker 2:
[55:32] Dude. You have another Ask A Dyke. I broke up with my ex in 2024 and we worked towards a friendship, which certainly had its challenges. But she meant the world to me and has given me my first truly healthy relationship. I couldn't bear the idea of losing her entirely. After eight months or so, as we were at a point in our friendship, it seemed to be in a good healthy place. She started seeing someone and I always championed her happiness and thought the new relationship was a good thing for our friendship. But her new girlfriend found our friendship challenging. We never met and I agreed to give our friendship space to let their relationship grow. But the space just turned into silence and a gradual ghosting. I feel heartbroken. I've lost one of my closest friends. I'm not a local and it's left me feeling super lonely. This all feels like it could have been avoided if I had been able to shake the girlfriend and show that I'm not a villain. I'm feeling it deeply and it's hard to shake any advice. That's sad.
Speaker 3:
[56:36] Shit.
Speaker 2:
[56:37] Yeah.
Speaker 3:
[56:37] I mean, this is, I hate to say it, a tale as old as time for the queer community.
Speaker 2:
[56:42] It is.
Speaker 3:
[56:43] When you decide to stay friends with somebody you've dated and then they start to date somebody new, if that means that then there's distance between your friendship, that means they probably still had feelings for you. Then you have to honor that distance. Because if it didn't naturally come to be that your friend who you dated was like, I wanted you to meet my partner and it just happened naturally, that means it was probably not.
Speaker 2:
[57:08] It was uncomfortable for somebody.
Speaker 3:
[57:09] Somebody felt like it wasn't quite right.
Speaker 2:
[57:13] Also, if that your ex felt like there could be a friendship without challenges, you would have been introduced to the girlfriend.
Speaker 3:
[57:20] This is what I'm saying. Something not on your end, obviously, but something somewhere was afoot because behind closed doors, whether there was an insecurity for the new partner or whatever, but otherwise it was a seamless. That's not your fault. This just happens.
Speaker 2:
[57:40] It's not that we're saying this is a good thing either. It sucks to be ghosted, especially by a friend, and that's not fun that you never got an explanation or anything either.
Speaker 3:
[57:50] But think of it this way. Your friend was only okay being your friend if they didn't have another partner. Maybe they were place holding with you, which is not fair to your friendship, that it wasn't an authentic just friendship because the second they have somebody else, they're like, it doesn't really work for me anymore. You gotta kinda look at what's happened. Obviously it's hurtful. You kinda gotta think about why.
Speaker 2:
[58:10] This is sad.
Speaker 3:
[58:10] It's sad.
Speaker 2:
[58:11] It's sad, and it doesn't, it's not gonna make it better knowing this. I would start trying to move on and find more people in the community that can help you. You know what I mean? Find more friends. Find more queer friends. Join a soccer league or a football league or whatever, flag football, to meet other queer people. Because you don't wanna hang on to this.
Speaker 3:
[58:31] There's a small chance that sometimes when you're a friend, whether or not you've dated, has a new partner, and they almost go into a relationship hole for a couple months where they're no longer around. I feel like this would happen in the younger 20s, where somebody would start dating somebody and they'd be gone. There's a chance they'd come back around, but like-
Speaker 2:
[58:48] That's shitty though. Yes, that's shitty.
Speaker 3:
[58:50] It is.
Speaker 2:
[58:52] Yeah. I don't like it. I mean, listen, it is not your fault at all.
Speaker 3:
[58:56] No. But this is the risk that we take with the way that we are friending people that we've dated.
Speaker 2:
[59:01] I know.
Speaker 3:
[59:02] But it's happened to all of us before.
Speaker 2:
[59:03] It has. Yeah. Yeah. That's a tough one. Because I've had it happen and then you do come back around years later and you can be friends, but it takes years sometimes.
Speaker 3:
[59:13] It takes a long time.
Speaker 2:
[59:14] Yeah. And those feelings have to subside.
Speaker 3:
[59:16] But we're sorry that this happened to you.
Speaker 2:
[59:17] It makes me sad. That's why I'm like, try and get out and meet other queer people or other, hey, if you can, a straight person.
Speaker 3:
[59:24] Mentally turn it into a wind in your head.
Speaker 2:
[59:26] Yeah.
Speaker 3:
[59:27] Be like, you know what? I'm irresistible.
Speaker 2:
[59:29] Yeah.
Speaker 3:
[59:29] Then just keep it pushing in with a new friend.
Speaker 2:
[59:30] Yeah. I'm sorry about that. We have one final Ask A Dyke.
Speaker 3:
[59:34] Do we?
Speaker 2:
[59:35] Well, we have a third one.
Speaker 3:
[59:36] Oh, shit.
Speaker 2:
[59:36] It'll be quick. One of my good friends, who we've hooked up but we're only friends, and I started hanging out a lot more recently and it's been great fun.
Speaker 3:
[59:47] Kind of like us.
Speaker 2:
[59:48] Just like us. Even though we've hooked up, it's never really felt like a romantic vibe since then. However, recently, I started hanging out with her and her girlfriend a lot and her girlfriend is the most flirtatious person I've ever known. I feel like it's flirtatious with, oh, she is flirtatious with many people, but it's especially intense with me. She wrote a lot of S's in this.
Speaker 3:
[60:10] You're talking so good.
Speaker 2:
[60:11] I'm having a very hard time.
Speaker 3:
[60:13] I can't even hear that you have it. You've come so far in three episodes.
Speaker 2:
[60:16] Thank you. She's very flirtatious with everybody, especially intense with me. She will kiss me most of the time she sees me, dazzle me with compliments about my beauty and my talent, and often gets really physically close to me. This is you.
Speaker 3:
[60:33] This is me.
Speaker 2:
[60:33] Okay. In my opinion, it's hardcore flirting. Okay. Sometimes I wonder if it bothers my friend, if she's in on it or thinks it's funny. I've told my friend some of the situations and have gone down while the three of us have been together, and they think it's possibly that they both know and are in on it together. So I think she's like, are they as a couple flirting with me? The thing is, I really don't get the vibes from my friend, just her girlfriend. Sometimes it's so intense, I even feel sort of uncomfortable, only because I'm worried that it could be hurting my friend's feelings or making her jealous. At the same time, I love the attention. There's part of me that just tells myself to enjoy it, and that it's just friendly, but I don't know. I never really had anyone flirt with me like this. Important note, recently I started to flirt back. In my opinion, me flirting back sort of is a nod to say, I see what you're doing and we're playing, right? But when I do that, I don't always get a playful reaction in return, which is a bit confusing. What would you do in this situation? Am I putting too much weight on it?
Speaker 3:
[61:37] As somebody who is an extreme flirt, like myself.
Speaker 2:
[61:40] This reminds me of you, and I had another friend just like this.
Speaker 3:
[61:42] I've, hearing how somebody else would perceive it is really making me be like, oh right, like there are some people that like, this means a lot or is confusing or they're really clocking it and then analyzing it and then thinking how they should respond. And if they do respond, then they're like, what does that mean? Cause I've never thought about it secondly.
Speaker 2:
[62:04] You're very in the moment flirty. You flirt with everybody. You're very touchy feely. And I think most people are not like that. So when you do get touched and you do get told, God, you look so beautiful today, they take it very intensely.
Speaker 3:
[62:19] Yeah. Some people are not-
Speaker 2:
[62:21] And seriously, they take it seriously.
Speaker 3:
[62:22] Yeah. Some people are not around like a theater kid.
Speaker 2:
[62:26] Yeah.
Speaker 3:
[62:26] And they're like, holy moly. I wonder what this means. And I think like for me, as somebody who is so like that, if somebody would say to me like, wow, I've never actually been flirted like this before with this before, that would be an instant cue to me that like, oh, you're really clocking it. And for me, I'm not at all. And that would make me adjust just to make sure that like, God forbid somebody is feeling any type of overwhelmed, stressed, anxious, you know, anything other than-
Speaker 2:
[62:56] Or they're coming on to them.
Speaker 3:
[62:57] Yeah. Or if it just be-
Speaker 2:
[62:58] Like it's inappropriate.
Speaker 3:
[62:59] Exactly. Cause I think like it's okay to let people know like, this is a lot for me. Because like you're at home thinking about it and that person is probably not at all.
Speaker 2:
[63:10] If that's the case.
Speaker 3:
[63:12] And who knows? There could be something sinister going on where they're like-
Speaker 2:
[63:14] Could be. But if it's your friend's girlfriend and your friend hasn't said anything or doesn't feel weird about it, I imagine it's like you and Nazara where Nazara is like, yeah, you're a touchy person. It does not bother me one bit. You and I are very touchy-feely. A lot of people think it is like a flirting behavior. Because we're all over each other all the time. Nazara would never even second, like same with Erica, would not second, guess it. So I have a feeling it's like that.
Speaker 3:
[63:43] There's just some people in the world that are more of these types of people who are like, they see things and they love the world and they're looking and so adorning of women that it is more natural to them. And it is not a sexual thing. And it's not like a...
Speaker 2:
[64:00] It's like when I get in your car every morning, you're like, god damn it, you look beautiful. Stuff like that. Imagine if I was like, fuck, she wants it.
Speaker 3:
[64:09] Yeah.
Speaker 2:
[64:10] And that would be not your intentions.
Speaker 3:
[64:12] Those two things wouldn't match up together very well. So you would need, I think like...
Speaker 2:
[64:19] Yeah, what would make you be like, oh, they're taking it too seriously.
Speaker 3:
[64:23] If they said to me like, nobody has flirted with me like that before.
Speaker 2:
[64:27] What if somebody was like, oh wow, you're such a flirt?
Speaker 3:
[64:30] I think even then I would maybe be like, cause some people use the word flirting as like a means to sex. Yeah, and so I think if somebody, also I can usually tell based on like, the face that somebody is making.
Speaker 2:
[64:42] Yeah, and maybe that's why-
Speaker 3:
[64:43] I can usually tell if they are either taking it seriously, like flirting back or if they're uncomfortable. I can usually tell based on how their face and body are moving. But maybe like not everybody can feel that way. But I think like you can tell, also maybe that's what I think you were about to say, you start flirting back and that person stopped flirting.
Speaker 2:
[65:05] Yeah, that's your, this is not what you think it is.
Speaker 3:
[65:09] Maybe.
Speaker 2:
[65:09] Yeah, because the person was like, I've started to flirt and it's not as playful back. That's like, yeah, I think you're right.
Speaker 3:
[65:17] Yeah, I think that could, if somebody, I'm being the way that I am, which is just like adorning of women, and then that person threw it back to me and was like shooting a shot.
Speaker 2:
[65:27] Doing a little bit of this.
Speaker 3:
[65:28] I think I would be like, oh shoot.
Speaker 2:
[65:30] You're taking this seriously.
Speaker 3:
[65:32] Or maybe like we're just, we operate very differently.
Speaker 2:
[65:35] Yeah, that's interesting. I would take a look if this person was in musical theater, theater, writing program.
Speaker 3:
[65:44] Ask if they're in Alto, if they do tech.
Speaker 2:
[65:45] Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Kind of anything in the arts. Anything in the arts. And go from there.
Speaker 3:
[65:49] Yeah, but also I do want to say, this is not on you. No. Like it's okay for you to be like, wow, that I've never interacted with somebody that flirty, and that's a lot for me. But that's totally fine, and it's not, that's like not, you don't have to be.
Speaker 2:
[66:05] Not at all.
Speaker 3:
[66:06] Don't let it overwhelm you. It's okay to put distance. It's okay to be like, I don't really like, I don't really, that's not how I operate.
Speaker 2:
[66:11] That's not how I move. Well, I don't want friends to touch me like that. I don't want people, yes.
Speaker 3:
[66:14] It's very much okay for you to be like, I can tell that you're very touchy. I'm not as much. You've got a girl, you could even throw it back on them and be like, you're acting like I'm your girlfriend. I'm not. And it's okay, because that extroverted person will take that and adjust. You don't have to adjust your boundaries. It's okay to say, I'm not comfortable with that.
Speaker 2:
[66:35] If you haven't hung out with theater kids, it's a lot. The amount of theater girls I've fallen for because they've been just extra. And I'm like, they want it bad.
Speaker 3:
[66:44] Yeah.
Speaker 2:
[66:44] And they don't.
Speaker 3:
[66:45] And that's okay. It's okay. Yeah. But I'm sure that it sounds like this person is like this with fucking everybody.
Speaker 2:
[66:51] Yeah.
Speaker 3:
[66:51] And so, God, I know it. But it's okay. That's not your fault. And it's okay to let them know like, hey, fucking back, back down a little bit, big dog.
Speaker 2:
[67:01] Back off.
Speaker 3:
[67:02] Back off. You know what you can say? Take me out to dinner first and then look at the girlfriend with longing eyes of help. That person is a dog who needs to be put outside.
Speaker 2:
[67:14] Good job, Rae.
Speaker 3:
[67:15] Good job with the call back to the dogs.
Speaker 2:
[67:17] It was great.
Speaker 3:
[67:17] Dude, thank you so much.
Speaker 2:
[67:19] This was great. We love you guys so much. I'm McKenzie Goodwin.
Speaker 3:
[67:22] I'm Rachel Scanlon-Ali. Come see us, twodykesandamic.com. We're coming to a city near you. We love you so much. Go do something gay today. Bye. I hope they like my hat.