transcript

Speaker 1:
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Speaker 2:
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Speaker 3:
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Speaker 4:
[01:14] Wear the shorts, baby. Wear the shorts anyway. From the Vox Media Podcast Network, I'm Robin Arzón and this is Project Swagger, your transformation toolkit. Entire industries profit from women hating themselves. And I am on a one-woman mission to combat that. I have struggled with body image, especially postpartum. I have a five-year-old and a two-year-old, and both of those postpartum periods, even the second one, when I knew what to expect, hit me like an avalanche. If anyone listening has experienced feeling like they are having an out-of-body experience and that their body isn't their own, that's what it felt like for me healing myself from two C-sections. And as an athlete, as somebody who is able to say, okay, body, this is what we're doing today, and feeling weakness and doubt, I would even go as far as to say that I felt like a fraud. As a wellness professional, I felt like, okay, you should just be able to do what it is you do. And I was battling, actually, my own social media pictures, like my own, when a memory would pop up on my phone or on an app, like a classic memory of some photo where I was looking fabulous and tan and running and lifting and doing all these fabulous things that I have the opportunity to do at Peloton. It filled me with shame. Like, how can I give people advice on how to live a healthy life through movement and provide these tools when I don't even feel at home in my own body? And especially breastfeeding, I felt like all I was was a body to keep my babies alive. And I had really positive breastfeeding experiences. So I can only imagine for those who that's not the case. I had really positive breastfeeding experiences, but I didn't feel at home in my body. And so you're constantly dealing with feeling untethered to yourself and also like tethered to this human being. When I look at old photos of myself from postpartum periods, I have such empathy for that younger version of myself. And I know that my self-talk at that point was unforgiving. I wasn't kind to myself. I wasn't kind to my body. And we're going to talk today about what I would tell that younger version of myself and to you if you're in a similar experience, tactical free frames and redirects to be kinder as it relates to our body image. So, postpartum, I got rid of the scale. Actually, when I was pregnant, I didn't even, I asked the nurses to not tell me what my weight was. And I didn't do this with Athena, and I was completely in my head about my weight. And then with Atlas, I was like, don't know how much I weigh. If the baby's healthy, and you tell me I'm healthy, we're good. And I took that straight into the postpartum period. I wasn't weighing myself weekly. I wasn't focused on that number. So that is not the relevant number that I want you to focus on for a period of time. I get that it's a data point that is important for health. But if you are in this tornado of not feeling great in your body, I think that you do need to hit the pause button on the scale and replace it with the number on the barbell. All I focused on for a period of months was iterative, small, tiny little changes of moving weight, like picking up dumbbells, picking up heavy things. By the way, heavy is relative. It wasn't as heavy eight weeks postpartum as it is two years postpartum, obviously. I was giving myself a lot of grace, but then I had something to focus on that made me feel powerful. I liked the version of Robin at the end of a workout when I was focusing on the dumbbells and the barbells and the kettlebells and the bodyweight exercises and building up from, okay, I can do 30 seconds of a plank today. I did 45 seconds of a plank today, and that was the version worth celebrating, not the one who happened to lose a little bit of weight on the scale or up on the scale, because by the way, that is roller-coaster ride. I'm not interested in riding. So here is a reframe that I think is really helpful. When I would tell myself, I don't like how I look, I replace that with, what can my body do today? And that could be small. And it started really small. Like it started with 10 minutes of a walk with the baby in the baby carrier. But I still think it applies in any stage of life. When I thought I need to lose weight, I've reframed it with, am I fueling for the work I'm asking my body to do? Is this food giving me the energy I expected to give me? And it's with that energy that I'm going to be able to put in the work to feel at home in my body again. And when comparison comes up, comparison for me was actually against myself. Not usually against other people, but of course social media is pervasive against other people as well. I would consider, what is your social media diet? Like do a little edit of the scroll, do a little edit. If there are accounts that are making you feel like trash about yourself, mute them. But when the comparison game came up, I asked myself what matters for me right now? This brought me back to the presence and the joy that I was genuinely feeling about being a new mom. There's seasonality to all things. And I thought, okay, I might not feel 100 percent at home in my body, but I've also never been a mom to two kids before. I've never been in this season of life. So what matters to me right now? And I just tried to focus on that, knowing that it's all a small season. And there are actually in retrospect, there are moments that I would give anything to go back to my kids being infants, because I just didn't know what I don't know. And I didn't know what I was going to miss until I'm now sitting in this seat. When the voice gets critical, I think it's important to notice the voice, name it, and choose a better one. Like I have read, you know, I've done a lot of research in terms of like sports psychology and ways to reframe things. And sometimes folks will name it, will like name the voice that is finger wagging in the mirror. And I never did that, but I feel like I should. I wonder what her name would be. I don't know. I feel like it would be like one of the villains from a Disney movie or something. Maybe I would name it like Jafar. But there was, it's definitely has a tone of like, judgy from a place of like, where, where do you get off? So I think naming that voice and just acknowledging, like that's, that's part of it. But we're trying to turn the volume down. I don't think it's realistic initially to think you're going to eliminate it entirely. I don't believe in toxic positivity, but I am innately a positive person and I also am a champion and a cheerleader for you. So just know like, I'm trying to couch the advice in reality. And I think a more realistic objective is turning down the volume on that critic that you just named instead of eliminating it entirely initially. And anchor it in action. I can't overstate it enough. Any little bit of action is going to be a lot to quell anxiety. And I do believe that a loss of control, a feeling of a loss of control only exacerbates feelings of poor body image. But when we reclaim a little bit, when we can tether ourselves to a little bit of movement, that inner critic is a lot less powerful. And focusing on performance metrics, initially, I'm talking like first few weeks after I was moving again, didn't help me, like I covered up output on the bike, the Peloton bike. I covered up pacing even on the tread and I just did it on feeling. But little by little, as I was getting into my workout routine more and more, I enabled myself or I allowed myself to gamify it. And I had to make the choice that it's like you are going to be nowhere near your paces for maybe years and that's okay. You can start where you are right now and if that's a power walk, that's a power walk. Can we go 0.1 faster in today's power walk? And that I actually found pretty liberating. In the back of my head, I knew, okay, but are you ever going to get back to X-minute mile? I had to quiet that in order to find freedom and excitement and gamification and where my body was in that moment.

Speaker 5:
[10:10] If we have a listener who's like, movement is so associated to me with trying to lose weight, how do I make that action something that is centering me in my body in a good way and not something I'm doing out of anxiety to look smaller?

Speaker 4:
[10:24] I would say, find experiences, get curious around experiences that are rooted in joy and celebration. I think that there are a lot of in-person workout experiences and virtual, obviously with Peloton, where you're there for the fun, you're there for the kiki, you're not even thinking about the workout. It might be a dance class, for you it might be trying the random hot Pilates studio around the corner, it might be hopping into my walk plus run, where I'm just going to tell stories, it might be the pop ride. And a lot of times I think it's centering around community. I think it's finding the workout buddy, I think it's being brave and going up to the person at the studio and saying, Hi, I'm so-and-so. And for me, signing up for races was incredibly healing, because yes, it's a more regimented program, but it was in the regimented programming that I was thinking less about body and more about the upcoming finish line. And so that is like same type of movement, different framing.

Speaker 5:
[11:33] How do you respond to people who comment on how your body looks?

Speaker 4:
[11:39] How are you responding to the people who are talking about your body and what you should be wearing? Oh my gosh, there's, I have a lot of thoughts on this. If it is a person in your life, like it is, if it is the titi, the auntie, the person at the family party, you establish the boundary. And I think that you have to express as uncomfortable as it's going to be, that's not a conversation that you're willing to have. That's not a topic that's up for conversation anymore. And that is a relational boundary that we have to establish with people who are doing our body image a disservice. When it's like the Joneses or like the social media stuff, this is where you really need to mute people, restrict people, and know that there are like just keyboard warriors out there and they're gonna say wild stuff. I've received wild, wild, wild comments and DMs and things over the years. And granted, like I put myself out there, so it's kind of like part of my job. But I'm not just accepting that. Like I'm, I'm muting and editing my feed. So it's a place where I want to be. And during periods where I'm just like, I don't have the bandwidth emotionally for this. I completely delete my social media apps, like completely off of my phone. And I take time, like sometimes weeks where I'm not engaging with it at all. That is also where I will conclude saying that the movement, I keep going back to the movement piece, but I'm much less vulnerable after a workout. My self-talk is better. I'm more forgiving. You know, the same outfit that I might put on, that I might be hesitant to put on before first thing in the morning, after a workout, after I've had my smoothie, after I've had a meal and hydrated. Oh, look at fabulous. And the same thing that I tried on three hours before, and I was talking trash to myself. So remember the experiences, the people, the processes. Those are glimmers. Those are what I call glimmers. You have to focus on the glimmers and try to maximize your touch points to those things, because that is when you're going to be filled with joy. And if you're filled with joy, you're not even really paying attention to all that noise. And then here is my final little piece. Wear the shorts, baby. Wear the shorts anyway. Wear the shorts, practice exposure and neutrality. Surround yourself with people and conversations that make you feel good about yourself. And notice the environments, the thing you're wearing that makes you feel more like yourself. The clothes and the number on your pair of pants, they are a tool. You are not supposed to fit into them. They're supposed to fit you. So I gave myself the freedom to box up anything in my closet that remotely made me feel bad about myself. And I did that one day and I realized, oh my gosh, I have like no clothes in here. So I went shopping.

Speaker 2:
[14:40] I got new stuff.

Speaker 4:
[14:41] I got stuff in larger sizes. And some of that stuff is still in a larger size. And that's okay. Now, springtime, we're wearing less bulky clothing. I know it can be triggering for folks, but I implore you, wear the shorts. Show off the sleeveless top. Wear the thing that makes you feel proud and give yourself a chance. Give yourself a chance and know that you have an entire Project Swagger community celebrating you. So I want you to tag Project Swagger and we are going to be right there alongside you.

Speaker 6:
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Speaker 7:
[15:45] So you're saying with Hilton Honors, I can use points for a free night stay anywhere?

Speaker 5:
[15:50] Anywhere.

Speaker 7:
[15:51] What about fancy places like the Canopy in Paris?

Speaker 6:
[15:54] Yeah, Hilton Honors, baby.

Speaker 7:
[15:56] Or relaxing sanctuaries like the Conrad and Tulum?

Speaker 3:
[15:59] Hilton Honors, baby.

Speaker 7:
[16:01] What about the five-star Waldorf Astoria in the Maldives? Are you going to do this for all 9,000 properties?

Speaker 8:
[16:07] When you want points that can take you anywhere, anytime, it matters where you stay. Hilton, for the stay. Book your spring break now.

Speaker 9:
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Speaker 1:
[16:43] Go to your happy price, Priceline.

Speaker 4:
[16:49] Let's hear some voicemails. Just so you all know, I do not hear these before they're played in the studio when we're recording. I don't get a prep, I don't have a note, I have no idea what you all are saying, but I do have a note from my producer on this first caller. So Jennifer is a hybrid athlete with an emphasis on endurance running. She met me at a book signing and immediately made the jump from 75% plant-based to 100%. One week in, she has two questions.

Speaker 10:
[17:18] One, my energy levels are way up. Is that imagined? Is that in my head or is that real? Two, I get full pretty fast, but then I feel hungry again pretty soon. Do you have any advice for that? Thank you so much in advance.

Speaker 4:
[17:38] Okay. First of all, both of those things are very real experiences. Number one, you are going to have more energy. Your body is going to feel like, okay, wow, we have fuel that we can actualize on. The second part of your question, though, of feeling full and then being hungry. When you are transitioning to more plant-based foods, you're consuming more fiber, you're consuming more water, and of course, if you're doing it, what I believe is correctly, you're getting enough protein. Those fibrous foods are going to fill up your stomach faster, but that means you're still going to need to eat more frequently. So I eat more frequently. I don't eat just morning, noon, and night. I probably eat like six or seven times a day, but they're smaller meals, but they're smaller nutrient-dense meals. Imagine you could probably eat a whole bowl of kale and bowl of carrots. You would feel full, but that's probably 50 or 100 calories. That's obviously not sustenance in the same way that we would need to feel super vibrant. So consider that. Consider that your frequency of meals, in addition to the types of things that you're eating, are going to need to change and trust your body. If you feel hungry, then that's your body saying, I need more or I need something slightly tweaked, I need something slightly different in terms of frequency or in terms of volume. All right. Next up from Carolyn.

Speaker 10:
[19:04] Hi, Robin. I know in a lot of your classes, you talk about how you protect your no, and I love that. But sometimes it's really hard to set those boundaries without feeling guilt and without upsetting people. How do you protect your no while also protecting your yes?

Speaker 4:
[19:24] I have no issue protecting my no. I say no all the time. But I do understand where it can feel like, oh my gosh, are they going to like me? I think like, are they still going to be okay? I find two things really comforting. One, you can practice it. Practice it in low stakes situations. Practice it in situations where it's not the most emotionally charged experience of your week. So practice it in low stakes situations, the same way you can learn how to do a push-up or learn how to do a sprint on the Peloton bike, you can learn how to say no. The second thing, most people aren't thinking about you. Most people are thinking about themselves, so why not make yourself happy? Why not do the thing that is going to, my no's, if I'm saying yes to something, I already know that I'm saying no to probably multiple things in its place. So my no's are protecting my yeses inherently, and I know that. And now, like my decisiveness is so clear that it's either a hell yes or it's a no. Like it does have to be an all the way yes, like with my full chest or it's a no. And the yeses are giving me energy, making me or my family healthier, filling up my bank account or protecting a boundary or a value system that I hold dear. That's it. I aligned on my values and that makes it really, really clear to establish my nos and my yeses, but it takes time and it takes practice and you are worthy. Thank you for your question. Reminder to call anytime, 1-877-ALL-SWAG. This week's edit, talking about family activities for spring. I love these. So I got these scavenger hunt boards. I ordered them, I think, on Etsy. And they have little things that we can go scope. It's basically like I spy in the city. So my kids will hold on to it. And it's like, oh, I saw the post office truck go by, or I saw a taxi cab, or I saw... Some of them are a little bit more suburban, where I'm like, I don't know. The next time we'll be able to see... I forget what it was the other day that Atlas was looking for that I was like, I don't know if we'll be able to actually find that. I got to get a New York City one maybe. But it gets us outside, and it keeps them engaged in the environment. Sometimes we just need a little bit of a reframe to make that same old boring little walk, give that springtime energy. Those were really fun. A picnic ritual, and now that my kids are getting slightly older, it's getting them involved in the planning, in the packing, in the cooking. It's like, y'all can pick what goes in the sandwiches. What are we doing today? And then exploring different areas of the city. I'm very into like, staycation vibes and being a tourist in your own place. I think that that brings a level of awe. And I mean like, the level of awe, like the original meaning of awesome, where you are having this minute or two thinking like, oh my gosh, like, isn't this incredible? I most recently felt that feeling of awe watching Artemis 2 go up. I was watching that with my kids. And I thought to myself, I'm responsible for modeling for them when I feel these moments of awe. And I think that is my goal for some of these outdoor activities in my own city, not requiring a ton of money or even time. And having moments where I'm like, oh my gosh, like, look at those trees, look at those birds, look at Central Park, like stuff that I really take for granted, I think as a New Yorker. And looking at it through my kids' eyes, they've never been these ages before in springtime in New York City, so I want to go on adventures with them, filled with awe. And then on that note, we had an Easter egg hunt with the kids and their cousins. We had an amazing Passover Seder as well. And in the Easter egg hunt, in the eggs, we had things for experiences that gave the kids agency. So, for example, if somebody got an egg and inside it was like, you get to pick the music for the next kitchen dance party, you get to pick the movie for the next movie night, you get to exchange this for a yes, right? Kind of on those yes day vibes. And it gamifies, I guess, these everyday moments in a way that was really exciting, at least for my kids and my nephews and nieces, because they're still so young. So here's to planning something this week, or noticing, rather, something this week that gives you awe. Because there are reasons every single day, even on our toughest days, for there to be awe. Life does not need to be perfect to be wonderful. Thanks for tuning in to Project Swagger this week. I will see you next time.