transcript
Speaker 1:
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Speaker 2:
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Speaker 1:
[01:16] How about this? At 80, let's just make it 80. Fine. Every year, you go take a physical and written test. And if you don't pass it, you don't come home. Welcome to another episode of Tosh Show. I'm Daniel Tosh, Eddie Gosling's here. We just got back from tour. Was your family excited to see you?
Speaker 3:
[01:46] They were. Nobody got up when I got home initially, but what about you?
Speaker 1:
[01:51] Everyone was excited. You know, my kids are at an age where it's like, anytime I go to the bathroom, they both like just cry, and I'm like, no, no, I'm gonna come back.
Speaker 3:
[02:00] It's funny.
Speaker 1:
[02:01] That's the longest I've ever been away from my wife or my children in their life and in my relationship with my wife. Like, since we were, yeah, since we started dating.
Speaker 3:
[02:15] It's a big break.
Speaker 1:
[02:16] How'd it go? I mean, it was nice. It really did. It recharged. Nothing makes your heart grow stronger or fonder.
Speaker 3:
[02:23] Fonder.
Speaker 1:
[02:25] How's it go?
Speaker 3:
[02:25] Absence makes the heart grow fonder.
Speaker 1:
[02:28] Absence makes the heart grow fonder. Well, I mean, truer words have never been penned. My kids were just so excited. And it's got its downfalls now because I have to do every activity. Like, who's going to take you to go potty? I want daddy. Who do you want to put you down for a nap or to bed? You know, they're both fighting over me. And now, so I've got to do all. I got to do all the things. And she acts like, oh, good, give me a break. But I know that it also hurts her heart a little bit to see how much.
Speaker 3:
[03:03] How adored you are. Yeah.
Speaker 1:
[03:05] They understand that I went out basically to fill the meat locker.
Speaker 3:
[03:10] Yeah. I mean, now you're back. You guys have all settled back into routine.
Speaker 1:
[03:14] OK. So I'm on tour. And as soon as I get home, you think, oh, you're just going to slip back into your old routine. Well, the problem is right now, my kids are on spring break. Oh, so it's just a nightmare. Yeah. So it's just every day. It's like, what's the activity? Whose house are we going for a playdate? Who's coming over for a playdate? Just unbelievable. And by the way, spring break isn't one week. No, it's two weeks.
Speaker 3:
[03:43] Yeah, that's wild.
Speaker 1:
[03:44] Yeah. For the preschool, it's two and a half. Yet you pay monthly for the school as if it's always in session.
Speaker 3:
[03:53] Like a big tip.
Speaker 1:
[03:54] No, it's nonsense. I don't fight the system. I just I'm just thankful that I'm fortunate enough that I can live in it. You guys have mommy's helpers?
Speaker 3:
[04:05] We do not.
Speaker 1:
[04:06] Mommy's helpers, it's not a nanny, it's not a babysitter. It's basically like a tween. You get like a tween kid that's responsible. They come over and they play with your kid. And that way, you know, you can get some work done, but if somebody, you know, breaks an arm, you're still there to be like, all right, let's load up in the car. And I got the perfect mommy's helper. She started her own little business, my AV guy's daughter. She's like, this is what I do. And she's great at it, and we trust her. So I actually need to talk to her dad. Speaking of the devil, that's who's calling. Well, not her, but hey, quick question. Up in Tahoe, should I use the exact same security cameras that I use here in Malibu, so that I can just have it all linked to the same system?
Speaker 4:
[05:05] Yes, but it's not the cameras, it's the NVR.
Speaker 1:
[05:08] Which cameras should I buy then?
Speaker 4:
[05:10] Touring, touring cameras, T-U-R-I-N-G. And if they don't sell them, I can get them. They're not expensive. They're like a couple hundred bucks, like two, three hundred bucks. But they have some AI stuff built into them. Because you were talking about, you wanted to talk about your cameras here, maybe doing a couple of changes?
Speaker 1:
[05:26] No, no, I don't want to change anything. I'm fine. I never want to use it. That's just work. That was work, John, just trying to tell me that I was talking about something to change. No. And then I can sync them up to my system?
Speaker 4:
[05:40] Well, no, no. So hold on. You need the same NVR if you want to be able to see it on the same system. That way, on the same app, you would just go Tahoe, Malibu. Otherwise, if you have two apps, it's stupid.
Speaker 1:
[05:55] No, I know. Exactly. That's why I wanted to make sure I bought the same thing. All right. But I can have them by touring cameras and you're going to tell me what...
Speaker 4:
[06:03] Don't worry about that. We're just going to do regular cameras. Because the touring cameras, you need the touring NVR, but you don't have an touring NVR at the house, and I'm not going to make you buy two NVRs.
Speaker 1:
[06:12] Okay. What cameras should I buy?
Speaker 4:
[06:15] Just make sure they're 4K with night vision cameras is all you need. I'll text you all this.
Speaker 1:
[06:20] All right. Thank you. Hey, your wife is on the show today. Oh, are you nervous about it? Man.
Speaker 4:
[06:26] Me? Not that mean. It's impossible to embarrass me. I'm nervous about nothing, but I'm excited for her. She's probably all nervous. She's going to tell me she's going to sweat when she listens to it the first time.
Speaker 1:
[06:36] All right. All right. All right. Send me that text.
Speaker 4:
[06:38] All right. We'll do.
Speaker 1:
[06:39] Thank you. All right, boy.
Speaker 5:
[06:41] Love that during you were touring cameras, that they're the best. And they got this cool function. You don't need that shit. Just get anything when you 4K whatever overrated pieces of garbage.
Speaker 1:
[06:54] This is this is my life is that I'm always just like, hey, didn't you say you wanted to change out all your camera? I'd say that. Oh, he can get me to waste some real money.
Speaker 3:
[07:06] Ah, yeah, quickly, huh?
Speaker 1:
[07:07] Those are cheap. Those are just 200 or 300 a piece. Get a couple dozen of those. Well, listen, I'm happy he's in my life. I'm more excited to talk to his better half. Enjoy. My guest today is someone who God does not want living next door to me. I know because when she did, the good Lord torched both of our homes with an apocalyptic wildfire. She has saved more lives in the hospital than she has lost, I think. She's a very good friend of mine. Please welcome ICU nurse Turn Botox Queen, Heather.
Speaker 6:
[07:46] Hi.
Speaker 1:
[07:47] Did you ever think you'd be sitting in this chair?
Speaker 6:
[07:49] No. I mean, when you took my husband down on here, I didn't think it would be my turn.
Speaker 1:
[07:54] Took him down?
Speaker 3:
[07:55] Total take down.
Speaker 6:
[07:56] Total take down.
Speaker 1:
[07:57] How dare you? Her husband, she married the, what you might call it, the chess player.
Speaker 3:
[08:04] Oh, yeah. They made it a tournament.
Speaker 1:
[08:07] No, not the chess. My AV guy, John, how big is your TV at home?
Speaker 6:
[08:13] I better get this right. I think it's 85 inches.
Speaker 1:
[08:16] I don't care.
Speaker 6:
[08:18] But we only have one TV.
Speaker 1:
[08:20] I don't give a shit either. These aren't my questions. Let's go. Do you believe in ghosts?
Speaker 6:
[08:25] No.
Speaker 1:
[08:26] How about miracles?
Speaker 6:
[08:28] I mean, I believe in the feeling of a miracle, but I don't know.
Speaker 1:
[08:32] You've never witnessed a miracle?
Speaker 6:
[08:34] I mean, I had three babies.
Speaker 1:
[08:35] Those aren't miracles. Certainly one of them is not. One of them is a straight up catastrophe.
Speaker 7:
[08:42] Which one?
Speaker 1:
[08:43] I'm not going to do that to your family. You're from LA and became a nurse. That's how I knew, guys. That's how I knew that we would get along the moment I met her because she's a normal. When you're in comedy, you end up just hanging out with just comics. And if you do that too much, then you become one of those people, those comics that have a podcast, and talk to comics all day. I met you, let's say, 25 years ago-ish.
Speaker 6:
[09:13] I think that's about right.
Speaker 1:
[09:14] Holy cow.
Speaker 6:
[09:15] I've known you half my life.
Speaker 1:
[09:17] The better half, I'd say. I mean, physically, I probably would have preferred the first 25, but that's not important. Here's how we met. I was working at the Kame Magic Club in Hermosa Beach, California. Hermosa Beach. Oh, what a fun place.
Speaker 6:
[09:36] It was fun.
Speaker 1:
[09:37] South Bay. It's just like a whole community. It's like Orange County light. And you lived, you were born and raised in that neck of the woods.
Speaker 6:
[09:45] Yeah.
Speaker 1:
[09:46] Ish.
Speaker 6:
[09:46] South Bay adjacent. Uh-huh.
Speaker 1:
[09:48] So you came up to me after a show, like most girls did back in the day, and said, hey, what's your deal?
Speaker 8:
[09:57] I was not hitting on you.
Speaker 1:
[09:58] I know you weren't, but you know, I was hoping that you were, but you weren't. So it was one of my first sets there, and I'd get like 50 bucks. I'd perform for 10 minutes, and you came and said hi to me after show, and you and a group of friends, and then we just started hanging out. It was like, this is my local group of friends. It never was as fun as I wanted it to be. Like you guys would be like, oh, it's a Saturday, we're going to meet at, what's it called, to play volleyball?
Speaker 6:
[10:26] Right, or some random bar.
Speaker 2:
[10:28] I don't know, yeah.
Speaker 1:
[10:29] You had a core friend group. You had Mae, the Asian, Sol Moss, the girl that would eat whole onions for no reason. What? Then you hung out that, there's one like little, your boyfriend at the time was John, but then you also hung out with this other dude that just used to love to show everybody that he had a black credit card. What was his name?
Speaker 6:
[10:55] I think you're talking about my friend John.
Speaker 1:
[10:57] Was that your other friend?
Speaker 6:
[10:58] Yeah.
Speaker 1:
[10:58] Oh, do you still hang out with that guy?
Speaker 6:
[11:00] Yeah, we vacation with his family.
Speaker 1:
[11:02] I bet you do. I bet he pays for everything. Is he still paying for stuff?
Speaker 8:
[11:07] He always hosts a great time.
Speaker 1:
[11:10] That's so funny. I just remember this guy always like, yeah, yeah, I'll pay the bill. I was like, I was 25, so I was like, oh, great. Look at this rich kid.
Speaker 6:
[11:18] But you're leaving out when, so I had to meet you after the show because I think that was some of your best material, if we're being honest.
Speaker 8:
[11:25] I loved old Daniel.
Speaker 7:
[11:29] I don't like any of this.
Speaker 6:
[11:31] But after the show, I was like, John, we have to meet this guy. I was dying laughing. And then you had the first generation iPod in your pocket.
Speaker 1:
[11:41] Okay.
Speaker 6:
[11:41] And I asked you if you were a diabetic because I thought it was an insulin pump.
Speaker 7:
[11:46] And you were like, no, you idiot.
Speaker 1:
[11:49] Just rocking out to some music.
Speaker 8:
[11:51] But I had never seen, that was before we all had iPhones or iPods.
Speaker 1:
[11:55] Man, I had a first generation iPod.
Speaker 6:
[11:57] And your cargo pants, you were wearing green cargo pants, and you had this iPod.
Speaker 1:
[12:01] You really remember this day.
Speaker 7:
[12:03] Because you've become so cool now.
Speaker 5:
[12:07] You've become so cool.
Speaker 1:
[12:09] That's so funny. I mean, we hung out a lot back then. Just like I didn't have anything to do all day long.
Speaker 6:
[12:16] You enjoyed to play basketball, poker nights.
Speaker 1:
[12:20] The poker nights were great. A lot of times I would just come over to your houses. I'd fly in or after shows, just 12 at night, just start banging on doors, waking people up, what's going on? Where are we hanging?
Speaker 6:
[12:32] Throwing a bag of dog poop in my face.
Speaker 1:
[12:36] Yeah. Well, listen, we all have done some things. I don't recall throwing dog poop in your face.
Speaker 7:
[12:43] You did. It was in a baggie.
Speaker 1:
[12:45] Okay, it was in a bag.
Speaker 7:
[12:46] Right.
Speaker 1:
[12:46] That's fine. If it's in a bag, if it's sealed tightly in a bag, it's not throwing feces. What did I have to eat at your wedding?
Speaker 6:
[12:56] Oh, lobster, but just you.
Speaker 1:
[12:59] Yeah.
Speaker 6:
[13:00] You said you would only come if you got to eat lobster.
Speaker 1:
[13:02] No, you send a thing out where you pick like chicken or fish.
Speaker 8:
[13:06] No, I think it was, I don't even know.
Speaker 1:
[13:08] Pasta or something else. I remember. I just wrote, I'd like a lobster.
Speaker 7:
[13:13] Yeah.
Speaker 8:
[13:13] And you got a lobster.
Speaker 1:
[13:14] And then they thought it was funny. They brought me a lobster.
Speaker 7:
[13:16] It was funny.
Speaker 1:
[13:17] It was.
Speaker 6:
[13:17] Because I told my photographer, I was like, you better capture his face when this lobster gets delivered.
Speaker 1:
[13:23] I mean, it was embarrassing, but then when I was eating it, you were happy. I was very happy.
Speaker 8:
[13:27] Well, it's always a joy to surprise you.
Speaker 1:
[13:29] I married at Shutter's.
Speaker 6:
[13:30] No, Casa Del Mar, next door.
Speaker 1:
[13:31] Oh, next door. I remember that.
Speaker 8:
[13:34] Yes.
Speaker 6:
[13:35] You did wear jeans.
Speaker 1:
[13:36] I know.
Speaker 7:
[13:38] Just saying, you wore jeans to my wedding.
Speaker 5:
[13:40] That's great.
Speaker 1:
[13:42] I didn't know I was eating lobster.
Speaker 7:
[13:44] They were a little bright. They were like bright blue.
Speaker 3:
[13:47] Bright electric blue jeans.
Speaker 8:
[13:49] Not even like black jeans, like blue jeans.
Speaker 5:
[13:51] Yeah, we need to picture this.
Speaker 1:
[13:53] I don't know if it's true. I think this is like revisionist history. I mean, you remember the pants I wore the day I met you, and that was 25 years ago.
Speaker 8:
[14:00] Well, you had interesting fashion choices before you had help.
Speaker 1:
[14:07] Delightful. Maybe I didn't own nice pants. Do you think about that?
Speaker 6:
[14:11] Yeah, I didn't realize how early on in your career I met you.
Speaker 1:
[14:14] Yeah.
Speaker 9:
[14:14] I thought you were already.
Speaker 1:
[14:16] You thought I was established.
Speaker 9:
[14:17] Like A-list.
Speaker 1:
[14:20] Yeah, I was A-list. Big old A-list comedian doing five-minute guest spots. We'll be right back. This time of year always makes me rethink what's in my closet. I'm trying to stick to pieces that are well-made and easy to wear all the time. That's why I keep coming back to Quince. The fabrics feel elevated. The fits are thoughtful. And the pricing actually makes sense. Quince makes high-quality everyday essentials using premium materials like 100% European linen and their insanely soft flow-knit activewear fabric. The best part is that their prices are 50% to 60% less than similar brands. How? Quince works directly with ethical factories and cuts out the middleman. So you're paying for quality, not brand markup. Everything is designed to last and make getting dressed easy. You guys know, everyone here, except Eddie, has been rocking Quince gear for months now. And not just clothing, they sell all sorts of stuff. Pete has a Quince pillow. Refresh your wardrobe with Quince. Go to quince.com/tosh for free shipping and 365-day returns. Now available in Canada too, go to quince.com/tosh for free shipping and 365-day returns. quince.com/tosh. You guys know I practically live on a farm. Dogs, chickens, pigs, panda, it's a lot. I love them deeply, not all of them, but you know what I mean. The problem is they bring bugs. They've been known to attract ants, flies, and spiders. I won't stand for that. And now I can fight the bugs myself with Pesties Do-It-Yourself Pest Control. Now this is genius. Pesty is effective, easy, and affordable. Those are the three E's. Other pest control companies charge hundreds of thousands of dollars. Millions. Some charge millions. With Pesty, you can get started at just $35 per treatment with a customized plan based on your season, location, and weather. Oh, that's interesting. They send you a kit with everything you need, pro-grade pesticide, sprayer, mixing bag, gloves, and instructions you can complete in less than 10 minutes. This is perfect. Bugs hate to see you come in with Pesty. Go to pesty.com/tosh for an extra 10% off your order. It's a pestie.com/tosh for an extra 10% off. Shoot your shot on prize picks and get $50 instantly in the lineups when you play your first $5. That's right, prize picks. It is now giving you $50 in the lineups when you sign up and play your first $5. I recorded this before I found out whether or not the Miami Heat played their way into the actual NBA playoffs, so let's focus on the Lakers for now and encourage you to pick less on everything. Just less. Less wins, less points. It pains me to say this, but they are injury ravaged and don't stand a chance. Pick less for everyone on the Lakers. Points, less, assist, less, rebounds, less. Age, more. That's not going to be pretty. Download the prize picks app today and use the code Tosh to get $50 in lineups after you play your first $5 line up. That's code Tosh to get $50 in lineups after you play your first $5 line up. Prize picks. It's good to be right. Your husband was on the show, what in your opinion was the most embarrassing thing he said? Was it that he was fully-juvenated, or he doesn't understand the phrase glass ceiling, or that he was protecting the neighborhood with a gun?
Speaker 7:
[18:14] Most embarrassing?
Speaker 6:
[18:15] For sure, juvenated. And it's like haunted me.
Speaker 8:
[18:20] But if you know John, you know that that's part of his personality.
Speaker 1:
[18:24] Yeah, well, sure.
Speaker 7:
[18:25] He likes to make up words.
Speaker 1:
[18:28] Don't bother him with details. My mom was a nurse for 60 years, but I don't know if my mom had worked in the ICU. She worked in the ER a lot, but I don't think she worked in the ICU ever. You worked in the ICU your entire career.
Speaker 6:
[18:42] Yeah.
Speaker 1:
[18:43] How many years?
Speaker 6:
[18:43] 18.
Speaker 1:
[18:44] 18 years. And you used to share with me the most horrific things because I liked hearing about it.
Speaker 6:
[18:49] I know.
Speaker 1:
[18:50] Your husband wouldn't?
Speaker 7:
[18:51] No.
Speaker 6:
[18:52] Even in the beginning, like when I needed to decompress and tell him, he'd be like, please, can you stop?
Speaker 1:
[18:56] Right.
Speaker 7:
[18:56] And then you'd ask me, like, what's the grossest thing you saw this week?
Speaker 1:
[19:01] I just was always fascinated because forget the grossest thing that she saw every week, because you see people at their most vulnerable, and that's always kind of emotionally, I don't know how you go through it. It's just a weird thing to be drawn to. Most people don't stay in the ICU as long as you did. You just said, no, it's just where I want to be. I want to be where all the horrible coin flip action is.
Speaker 6:
[19:24] I initially was drawn to it because you can really focus on your patient. So when I was in nursing school and I did the rotations elsewhere, I felt like I was just throwing pills at people and I didn't get to know their story. And in the ICU, I felt like I actually could dig in in that 12 hours and sort of move the needle or make an impact on their life in one direction.
Speaker 1:
[19:45] 12 hours is such a long shift.
Speaker 6:
[19:47] It is a long time.
Speaker 1:
[19:48] The smells that you encountered at work is just off the charts.
Speaker 6:
[19:53] You can't find them anywhere else.
Speaker 1:
[19:55] No.
Speaker 6:
[19:55] Like some C diff poop, there's nothing like it.
Speaker 1:
[19:58] Oh, the smells of a woman. Is that just awful in there?
Speaker 6:
[20:03] It can be. I mean, but they're not the most memorable. I would say it's more fungating wounds. You know, those are the worst smelling things. Like if you have an open wound, it's like.
Speaker 1:
[20:13] What about one of those viruses where it's like just slowly eating your whole body and it's like shut the hospital down because it's like spread the hospital down.
Speaker 6:
[20:19] But I mean, those patients are difficult. They keep taking them back to surgery and de-breeding the bad tissue until they get to a healthy point.
Speaker 1:
[20:26] Is that mean just cutting off?
Speaker 6:
[20:27] Yeah.
Speaker 1:
[20:28] Yeah.
Speaker 6:
[20:28] But I mean, yeah, this is necrotizing fasciitis. So, you know, it's like a flesh eating bacteria is kind of what you would call it.
Speaker 1:
[20:34] How often have you seen that in your life?
Speaker 6:
[20:36] I probably saw that half a dozen times. One time it was a woman who I think she was a teacher and she like used like dirty nail clippers and it all stemmed from like her just trimming the skin on her finger.
Speaker 1:
[20:51] Guys, did you have you ever cleaned your nail clippers?
Speaker 6:
[20:54] Never.
Speaker 1:
[20:55] Never in my life.
Speaker 6:
[20:56] Right. I don't know where they had been, but that was kind of the story that we got, like how this started with her. So anytime I go to get a pedicure, I think of her.
Speaker 1:
[21:03] OK.
Speaker 6:
[21:04] I'm like, oh, OK.
Speaker 1:
[21:05] So you're saying it could have been from from a professional place.
Speaker 6:
[21:07] Yeah, I'm not sure if she did it herself. But yeah, you should definitely clean your stuff.
Speaker 1:
[21:10] Well, I only but I'm only clipping my own nails.
Speaker 6:
[21:13] But you know, you might take it with you on vacation or who knows.
Speaker 1:
[21:16] Top of your head, what's your record as an ICU nurse? Live to don't live.
Speaker 6:
[21:21] Well, that's not fair. It's I mean, everyone there is on the verge of dying or they shouldn't probably be there. We transfer them out.
Speaker 1:
[21:28] Would you see a death, a shift?
Speaker 6:
[21:30] No, not every single shift. But I would say I would and definitely not like my patient personally, but probably on our unit, almost every shift somebody would pass. Yes. But even like I went into nursing with the idea that I was going to do pediatrics. And then when I started in that rotation, I realized, oh, I can't do this. Like with adults and older people, it makes more sense to me, you know? And I was better at telling people, hey, I need you to let me do this to you or you're going to die. I don't know how you reason with a child or a baby. Like, I don't think I could do that.
Speaker 1:
[22:02] You were in the room for when my son was born.
Speaker 6:
[22:05] I know. I told him that at his birthday the other day. It blew his mind.
Speaker 1:
[22:08] He didn't know that.
Speaker 6:
[22:09] No, he was in the Bounce House and I was like, hey.
Speaker 1:
[22:11] We didn't want him to know that.
Speaker 6:
[22:12] I was like, hey, I was one of the first people to meet you. And he literally stopped jumping in the Bounce House and looked at me and he was like, you were? I was like, yeah.
Speaker 1:
[22:20] Did you tell him that his head was this long because he was stuck for 12 hours?
Speaker 9:
[22:24] His head looked like that too.
Speaker 6:
[22:25] It's normal.
Speaker 1:
[22:26] Yeah, that wasn't normal. That was alarming.
Speaker 9:
[22:29] It goes down.
Speaker 1:
[22:30] His head's. It did go down. His head's not beautiful, but it did go down. I mean, it got that.
Speaker 9:
[22:35] It's ground.
Speaker 6:
[22:36] It's not a football anymore.
Speaker 1:
[22:37] And I also watched Dr. Finke take his glove and quickly pick up a piece of my wife's poop and then just put it in the trash can like nothing happened.
Speaker 7:
[22:45] What a good doctor.
Speaker 8:
[22:46] That's so nice.
Speaker 1:
[22:47] He just went.
Speaker 8:
[22:47] Yep.
Speaker 1:
[22:48] And then I was like, I just saw you.
Speaker 7:
[22:50] I feel like you did call it out.
Speaker 1:
[22:51] I was like, you just picked up her poop. Oh, it's so disgusting. Do I see you nurses earn more than nurses in other departments?
Speaker 6:
[22:58] No, but they should.
Speaker 1:
[22:59] Yes, a lot of times people cherry pick when all the pay is the same, what's going to be the easiest, most enjoyable day.
Speaker 6:
[23:08] Yeah. We actually talked about that as a group a lot. Like we have a group text that it used to be called-
Speaker 1:
[23:13] You couldn't unionize and like-
Speaker 6:
[23:15] Well, there is a union.
Speaker 1:
[23:16] Well, I know, but like just of ICU nurses?
Speaker 6:
[23:19] Oh, I don't know. No.
Speaker 1:
[23:20] All right. But you guys used to say this is BS?
Speaker 6:
[23:24] Well, it is because like when the other floors need help or they can't get an IV, or it's like we're the team that shows up to help those other floors. So obviously, there's a different level of skill that is needed in critical care.
Speaker 1:
[23:38] I remember this guy that had done horrible things. I don't remember the details, maybe you probably will. But he'd done horrible things, and he was just a disgusting human, and you needed to save his life, and there was nothing on him for any identification. But somehow, you got like his phone unlocked, and the only thing that he had that was recognizable was Twitter, and that the only person that he followed was me.
Speaker 6:
[24:05] That's amazing.
Speaker 1:
[24:06] Do you remember this story?
Speaker 8:
[24:07] I do remember.
Speaker 6:
[24:08] I mean, I cannot for the life of me remember exactly what his story was, but I remember telling you this.
Speaker 1:
[24:14] It was like this-
Speaker 8:
[24:14] Because I was like, what in the world?
Speaker 1:
[24:16] He's the most disgusting human in the world, and the only person that he followed on social was you.
Speaker 8:
[24:21] I found it very entertaining, and also I was like, am I getting punked right now?
Speaker 6:
[24:27] I probably had to de-louse him or something.
Speaker 1:
[24:30] Have you ever had a patient that was also handcuffed to the bed?
Speaker 6:
[24:34] Yeah.
Speaker 1:
[24:35] For doing what?
Speaker 6:
[24:35] I don't know, being a criminal. I think if they come in and they're the police, or they sometimes would show up like that.
Speaker 1:
[24:41] Yeah, that's kind of fun. Scary.
Speaker 6:
[24:44] Yeah, it is. I mean, but I got desensitized to being scared because I got spit on.
Speaker 1:
[24:51] You got spit on?
Speaker 6:
[24:52] Oh, multiple times.
Speaker 1:
[24:53] What did you do to deserve that?
Speaker 6:
[24:55] I mean, everyone gets spit on. But I don't know what I probably I was trying to.
Speaker 1:
[25:00] You said something racial?
Speaker 8:
[25:01] No, I probably was just trying to clean them or something.
Speaker 6:
[25:05] You know, who knows? But the way we handle that is you just put a mask on them. And if they're restrained, then they just are spitting into a mask instead of into your face. That's good.
Speaker 1:
[25:15] But anything more inappropriate come flying your way from a human body?
Speaker 6:
[25:19] Yeah. I mean, I've been hit by a confused person. I've had being thrown towards me.
Speaker 1:
[25:26] Basically, I've been working at a zoo.
Speaker 6:
[25:28] Right.
Speaker 1:
[25:29] You ever kissed? You ever been kissed?
Speaker 6:
[25:32] Oh, I've had patients try, yes.
Speaker 1:
[25:34] Have you ever given them a soft kiss when they were? Well, I'm saying when they're completely sedated or under, you've never like...
Speaker 3:
[25:40] Nobody would know. Nobody would know.
Speaker 1:
[25:42] Are you allowed to?
Speaker 6:
[25:43] No. I don't know.
Speaker 3:
[25:44] No.
Speaker 1:
[25:44] You don't know if you're allowed to?
Speaker 6:
[25:45] No, I'm not.
Speaker 1:
[25:46] That was a trick question. You're not allowed to kiss patients.
Speaker 8:
[25:49] What I have done to a sedated patient, and I got caught doing this by my nurse friends, so sometimes we would get homeless patients, and they'd be intimidated.
Speaker 6:
[25:57] I knew you were going to say that. And they would be sedated or on the ventilator.
Speaker 8:
[26:01] And we would take that as an opportunity to really comb through their hair.
Speaker 6:
[26:07] And there was one time this guy had this horrible clogged pore on his nose. I mean, it was huge. And I was like, I have to get this out for him. It was just obscene.
Speaker 8:
[26:17] So I closed the curtain and I was like, popping this clogged pore on his nose.
Speaker 7:
[26:22] And my friend walked in and he was like, oh, you're sick in the head.
Speaker 1:
[26:25] That is the most disgusting. That is so disgusting.
Speaker 6:
[26:30] I couldn't leave it.
Speaker 8:
[26:31] I was like, oh, this person needs help.
Speaker 1:
[26:33] Oh, that is so gross.
Speaker 3:
[26:34] It's very nice you did that.
Speaker 8:
[26:36] I thought it was a kind gesture.
Speaker 1:
[26:37] It is a kind gesture and it is so...
Speaker 3:
[26:39] Like a scoops over.
Speaker 1:
[26:41] Yeah, it gives me the willies, for sure, to think about it and to know that you did that. Then you came home and you put your hands on your husband.
Speaker 7:
[26:48] Right.
Speaker 8:
[26:49] Probably why he never wanted to hear about my dick.
Speaker 1:
[26:50] Do you feel like you're desensitized to death?
Speaker 7:
[26:53] Sort of.
Speaker 6:
[26:54] There was a couple of moments in my career where I felt like I was getting a little burnt out. At one moment when I felt that way, I went and got my yoga certification, and I thought I was gonna teach yoga classes to balance myself out. Then the next time I felt that way, I went and got certified to be a doula. So then I was like, oh, I'll help people bring babies into the world, and I thought that would maybe balance me out. I think I just have a healthy relationship with the idea of death now.
Speaker 1:
[27:17] You're not afraid of death, are you?
Speaker 6:
[27:19] No.
Speaker 1:
[27:19] But you're a parent, and all I do is spend all day fantasizing. Not fantasizing is not the right word, but I'll get fixated on horrible worst-case scenarios.
Speaker 6:
[27:30] I do the same.
Speaker 1:
[27:30] You still do that?
Speaker 6:
[27:31] Oh, and I'm the worst.
Speaker 1:
[27:32] Okay.
Speaker 6:
[27:32] I see everything.
Speaker 1:
[27:33] But do you think it would wreck you, or do you think you'd be able to like, well, that just happens?
Speaker 6:
[27:37] Oh, like if something happened to my kid? Oh, no, it would be awful.
Speaker 1:
[27:40] Like I always think if I lost a kid, I might just give the other one a kiss, and then just go walk off a cliff.
Speaker 6:
[27:47] I don't know how I would-
Speaker 1:
[27:48] Is that a bad way to respond?
Speaker 6:
[27:49] Yes.
Speaker 1:
[27:50] I know, but I just think, I don't know that I would have it in me.
Speaker 8:
[27:53] I don't know that I could handle it either.
Speaker 6:
[27:54] But I do feel like I picture things, like I see things before they're going to happen, and so I think it annoys my kids sometimes, but I can see what's ahead. Like when they're doing something, I'm like, okay, you're going to lose a finger. Like, let's stop that right now.
Speaker 1:
[28:07] Sure. Okay. But I'm just saying, it didn't desensitize you to the point where you're like, oh, you know, sometimes things happen.
Speaker 6:
[28:14] No. And when I've been in the hospital with family members or like helping my mom with my grandparents through that time of life, like I'm still very much emotionally affected like everybody else. But I think it's helped me, if anything, to see things clearly.
Speaker 1:
[28:26] Old people death does not bother me.
Speaker 6:
[28:28] No. Like you want to give them a peaceful death.
Speaker 1:
[28:29] There we go. You made it. You made it.
Speaker 6:
[28:31] Yeah. We were actually talking about this. We watched The Pit last night with my 13-year-old. And last night's episode, it was end of life on an elderly guy.
Speaker 1:
[28:40] Yeah.
Speaker 6:
[28:40] So the two kids are there, and I could see he was kind of feeling emotional for them. And I was like, no, no, no. This is a gift that they're giving their dad to allow him to die naturally. Like what I've seen.
Speaker 1:
[28:51] I get it. But you know what, I think your son's a little too young for that show.
Speaker 6:
[28:57] Maybe.
Speaker 1:
[28:57] Okay. I think maybe we should knock that off. I don't know.
Speaker 6:
[29:01] We'll see.
Speaker 1:
[29:02] But I'm all for right to die. Like this is absurd.
Speaker 6:
[29:05] What we label as being good. Like some of these medical advancements are amazing. But like, is it really a win if someone lives like a year and a half longer, like in a bed? Like, I don't think so.
Speaker 1:
[29:17] I think there should be a, how about this? At 80, let's just make it 80. Fine. People are doing good things. At 80, every year you go take a physical and written test. And if you don't pass it, you don't come home.
Speaker 8:
[29:34] I mean, but there's people who are fine till they're 95.
Speaker 1:
[29:37] Right. Because they're going to pass the test.
Speaker 7:
[29:40] But what do you mean you don't go home?
Speaker 1:
[29:41] What happens to them? No, it's done. It sucks. Yeah, no, it's done. You're done.
Speaker 7:
[29:47] I mean, there's no plug to pull.
Speaker 1:
[29:48] No, no, no. It's done.
Speaker 8:
[29:50] At that point. Just knock them off.
Speaker 1:
[29:52] I'm just saying, I think you could be, and it's not like, oh, you have to be so smart. No, it's just simple things. Like, if your mind is still intact, your body is still physically intact. Good. Oh, you're enjoying life. Great.
Speaker 6:
[30:05] Great.
Speaker 1:
[30:05] Continue on.
Speaker 6:
[30:06] Okay.
Speaker 1:
[30:07] You're not enjoying life. You're a drain on your family and everybody else, and it's sucking the life out of everyone around you. Let's wrap it up.
Speaker 6:
[30:16] So then you have to put the family members in on the test too.
Speaker 1:
[30:18] I don't have all the things worked out. Have you ever told somebody that was under or on a ventilator or sedated, have you ever confessed things to them?
Speaker 8:
[30:26] No.
Speaker 1:
[30:27] You ever whispered something into their ear, like right before?
Speaker 8:
[30:31] No.
Speaker 1:
[30:31] Like right before they pass?
Speaker 6:
[30:32] I mean, I always would tell family members that, you know, we always assume that the patient can hear you, even if they're not responsive. So like, I would encourage their family to talk to them or to play music or something like that. But no, I didn't leave secret messages in their ear.
Speaker 1:
[30:46] Yeah, that's pretty, that's a lot. That's a lot to come home. And you just got to come home and you got to listen to your kids yell at you. How many children have you and John made?
Speaker 6:
[30:57] Three.
Speaker 1:
[30:57] You made three children. How many of them on purpose?
Speaker 6:
[31:01] 100% on purpose, like planned? Two.
Speaker 1:
[31:03] Two, two. And then one, how mad was your husband when you were pregnant the third time?
Speaker 6:
[31:13] He wasn't mad.
Speaker 1:
[31:14] He wasn't mad?
Speaker 6:
[31:15] No, he wasn't mad at all. And but then at that moment we were like, okay, we're going to be done. And so we had talked about him getting a vasectomy and he, and then he became really attached to us having the third. And so then he wouldn't get the vasectomy until after she was born.
Speaker 1:
[31:28] Yeah, I didn't get a vasectomy until after my second was born. But I don't know why I waited because it wasn't.
Speaker 6:
[31:34] Well, now in hindsight, you're like, oh, it's fine. But I guess, you know, he was like, well, I'm just going to wait. I'm like, so what, you're going to get a vasectomy when I have a newborn?
Speaker 1:
[31:41] Does he have one now?
Speaker 6:
[31:42] Yeah.
Speaker 1:
[31:43] Okay, that's nice.
Speaker 6:
[31:44] That is nice.
Speaker 1:
[31:46] Three children and all of them so uniquely different. Isn't that weird? You're two same people, yet all three of your kids, very different people.
Speaker 6:
[31:55] Yes. I think they kind of just come out who they are.
Speaker 1:
[31:57] Oh, so you don't really think you need to parent?
Speaker 6:
[31:59] No, I think you do. I'm just trying not to mess them up.
Speaker 1:
[32:01] Too late. I got mad when you had your third one, because I was like, what's going on? Because I was single.
Speaker 7:
[32:11] Oh, you were so annoyed. Like, can't you go surfing?
Speaker 8:
[32:13] I'm like, it's nap time, fool. Like, no, he can't go surfing. But now you're in it. Now you have a nap time.
Speaker 1:
[32:19] Yeah. Well, now it's different. No, listen, so these are my, once just my friends down in South Bay, then I moved to Malibu and I forced them to, I'm like, you guys got to move to Malibu. House is opening up next door. Boom. Boom. We're all living together. It was one magical day I snowballed you guys. I was like, you got to check this out. I was showing them everything. And then boom, now their whole lives up here. I remember one time when your youngest was born, and my wife, girlfriend of the time, was holding your baby. And I believe it was your father-in-law, was standing next to her and they were just looking at the baby. And I walked in there and I just took my wife, my girlfriend's pants down. I pantsed her because she was holding a newborn.
Speaker 2:
[33:07] She couldn't let go of the baby.
Speaker 1:
[33:08] And she didn't have underwear on. So now she's just naked from the waist down, holding a newborn next to your father-in-law.
Speaker 2:
[33:16] Yes.
Speaker 1:
[33:16] And he was so uncomfortable with the situation.
Speaker 2:
[33:19] Of course.
Speaker 1:
[33:21] He refused to look down. He was just like, okay.
Speaker 3:
[33:25] But he didn't think it happened, pretending like it didn't happen.
Speaker 1:
[33:27] She couldn't do anything. She had to leave her pants down.
Speaker 8:
[33:31] What if she would have dropped my baby?
Speaker 1:
[33:33] Well, then you would have known that she's a witch. Yeah. You've seen many randoms that I had dated over the years. Are you happy with who we settled down with over here?
Speaker 8:
[33:45] For sure.
Speaker 1:
[33:45] Oh, man. I feel like I had a few that were pretty nice.
Speaker 8:
[33:48] You did good with Carly. Hold on to her.
Speaker 1:
[33:51] Let's talk about this for a second. Real quick. Now, you're married to John.
Speaker 6:
[33:56] Yes.
Speaker 1:
[33:57] Now, when we first started meeting, you were just dating, but you weren't high school sweethearts.
Speaker 6:
[34:03] No, we met in high school.
Speaker 1:
[34:04] You met in high school, but he liked you, but you didn't like him or something like that.
Speaker 6:
[34:07] Yeah, we started dating, I think I was like 21.
Speaker 1:
[34:10] Then you broke up for a while. That was fun. How long of a gap was that?
Speaker 6:
[34:14] I think it was a little over a year.
Speaker 1:
[34:16] Yeah, that was nice. That was a fun year. We hung out a lot more then. And then-
Speaker 7:
[34:20] You were actually very supportive.
Speaker 1:
[34:22] Of course I was. I was trying to move in. I was trying to weasel in.
Speaker 6:
[34:26] No, you were always supportive of like, you were like, what's going on? Are you guys talking?
Speaker 8:
[34:30] Are you guys working this out? I mean, you're probably-
Speaker 1:
[34:32] Did you date in between there?
Speaker 6:
[34:33] I did.
Speaker 1:
[34:34] How many men have you said I love you to in your life?
Speaker 6:
[34:37] I love you?
Speaker 1:
[34:38] Uh-huh. Let's go.
Speaker 8:
[34:40] Three or four?
Speaker 1:
[34:41] Three or four dudes? Now, if, heaven forbid, we know it could happen, John does something stupid and he's gone. Sure. Okay. Of those three or four, is there one that you're like, nah, I could give it another go with that person?
Speaker 6:
[34:56] I don't think so.
Speaker 1:
[34:58] You say that. You say that, but you broke up with John and you got back together with him. And the reason I bring this up, is because it's in her jeans. Her mother and her father, when did they get divorced?
Speaker 6:
[35:12] They never got divorced.
Speaker 1:
[35:13] When did they separate?
Speaker 6:
[35:14] They separated when I was in third grade.
Speaker 1:
[35:17] Third grade.
Speaker 6:
[35:18] And then when John and I got engaged.
Speaker 1:
[35:20] This is now, we're talking, a good from third grade to 25.
Speaker 6:
[35:27] I was probably 25.
Speaker 1:
[35:28] So it's at least 15 to 17 years apart.
Speaker 6:
[35:32] My parents came over and said, we wanted to let you know we're going to get back together. And I was like, oh.
Speaker 1:
[35:39] You weren't thrilled.
Speaker 6:
[35:41] I was.
Speaker 1:
[35:42] Annoyed.
Speaker 6:
[35:42] I was a little worried. I said to them, I think they were expecting me to just celebrate. But at that point in my life, I was like, okay. And really my response back to them was, well, I hope you're going to go to counseling, if you're going to embark on this journey again.
Speaker 1:
[35:57] Your dad seems like someone that would be completely open to counseling.
Speaker 8:
[36:00] Oh no, he does not like that at all.
Speaker 1:
[36:02] Her father, just to give you context of her father, he used to encourage me to steal ramboard from Tosh.0. Yeah. And he just loved the rolls of that cardboard.
Speaker 8:
[36:16] He still talks about that one roll you gave him.
Speaker 6:
[36:18] To him, good cardboard is like gold.
Speaker 1:
[36:21] That gets it. Okay. So this is who you're dealing with. Anyway, the point is they got back together and they've been together since. How long have they been together now on the second go?
Speaker 6:
[36:30] I mean, as long as John and I have been married.
Speaker 1:
[36:31] How long have you guys been married?
Speaker 6:
[36:33] Fifteen years.
Speaker 1:
[36:34] Fifteen years. That's pretty great.
Speaker 6:
[36:36] Yeah.
Speaker 1:
[36:36] Now, when I met you, I met your sister at the same time. Your sister is 10 years older than you.
Speaker 6:
[36:42] Yes.
Speaker 1:
[36:42] At the time, she was a showgirl in Vegas.
Speaker 6:
[36:47] No, she had retired.
Speaker 1:
[36:48] No, I'm sorry. An exotic dancer.
Speaker 7:
[36:50] No, she was not an exotic dancer.
Speaker 1:
[36:52] So I got the word wrong.
Speaker 8:
[36:53] She was a showgirl.
Speaker 6:
[36:54] She was actually, I think, I think she was newly single when you met her too. Like she had gotten divorced. Oh, man.
Speaker 1:
[37:03] Let's get back to her.
Speaker 6:
[37:04] She wasn't a dancer anymore. She was working in the ER then.
Speaker 1:
[37:07] Let's get back to her exotic dancing days. Can you call a showgirl an exotic dancer? Because it is exotic.
Speaker 3:
[37:14] The feathers and everything.
Speaker 6:
[37:15] Right.
Speaker 1:
[37:15] Did she have feathers?
Speaker 6:
[37:16] I think they might have done one number that was like old school Vegas.
Speaker 1:
[37:19] Does she ever post any of her throwback photos?
Speaker 6:
[37:22] Oh, she does.
Speaker 1:
[37:22] Oh, I love it.
Speaker 6:
[37:23] Yeah. She used a bunch of her old dancing photos recently for a training that she did because she was showing her life. From like she grew up as a ballerina, and then she did this show girl professional dancing period, and then went into medicine.
Speaker 1:
[37:38] Did you ever go see her perform?
Speaker 6:
[37:39] Oh, yeah.
Speaker 1:
[37:40] Did you like it?
Speaker 6:
[37:41] Yes, I loved it. I mean, I danced too. So I never danced in Vegas, but I loved it.
Speaker 1:
[37:47] You just danced amateurly? Where did you dance?
Speaker 3:
[37:50] Where are the other circuits?
Speaker 6:
[37:51] I mean, I danced mostly just as a hobby. I taught dance, and then, you know.
Speaker 1:
[37:56] Right. But you didn't dance on stage with your boobs out?
Speaker 6:
[37:59] No.
Speaker 1:
[38:00] What casino was she at?
Speaker 6:
[38:01] She was at the Riviera. Oh. The Riviera. She was in Splash.
Speaker 1:
[38:05] Oh, Splash.
Speaker 7:
[38:07] It was an amazing Vegas ride show.
Speaker 1:
[38:09] I used to eat in the belly of the beast of that casino with some of the showgirls. We'd all just be getting our free food. I thought it was neat that they were down there too.
Speaker 6:
[38:18] Yeah.
Speaker 1:
[38:19] Just sad.
Speaker 6:
[38:19] In between shows.
Speaker 1:
[38:20] Sad and depressing.
Speaker 5:
[38:22] They're not sad. It's fun.
Speaker 1:
[38:24] I think we had a good time. The casino itself was sad and depressing. No, they were the highlight of everyone's day. Why are both of you nurses? What were the odds of that? Your mom's not a nurse.
Speaker 6:
[38:36] No. My mom, before she had my sister, was a dental hygienist. But really, no one else in our family is medical. So I'm not sure why we were both drawn to that. I know why I was personally. But I think when you dance and you're really in tune with your body, and ballet kind of makes you pay attention to your body a lot, I think you want to learn more about it. That's what I think kind of pushed her that way. I'm not sure.
Speaker 1:
[39:00] By the way, she was told when her sister, who is so controlling, when I said, we're going to interview Heather, she was like, wanted to give you like media training. I was like, what are you talking about? Trying to prep her for this interview. Nonsense. Not going to happen. Now, your sister, I'm going to get a lot of the details wrong, but it doesn't matter. She was a nurse and then-
Speaker 6:
[39:25] She's a PA.
Speaker 1:
[39:26] PA, whatever.
Speaker 6:
[39:27] Okay.
Speaker 1:
[39:28] I don't need these details to be right. Always fact-checking me. Just help it. But first, she was a showgirl. Then she was a PA. Then she just randomly, is it random, got into doing like Botox, but which is like, oh, that's a common thing in Los Angeles. Of course, there's people. But she became kind of a celebrity in this world.
Speaker 6:
[39:50] She's big time. She was probably one of the first people. When she was in PA school, this is kind of her story that she tells. But when she was in PA school, one of the doctors that she was on a rotation with was told her study group, like, hey, you guys need to come over. I want to show you this new drug. And he basically injected them just in their frown. And nobody really knew what Botox was at the time.
Speaker 1:
[40:13] Just let some guy, hey, come over and inject stuff into my head.
Speaker 8:
[40:16] And then they all were like, what is this miracle drug that you showed us or whatever?
Speaker 6:
[40:20] And so she was always interested in it. And then she worked in the ER for 15 years, but she kind of always dabbled and did Botox on the side.
Speaker 1:
[40:28] But she has a presence on social media and she gives classes like around the globe.
Speaker 6:
[40:34] Oh, yeah. I think she's probably one of the smartest people in the industry, in my opinion. Like she's the safest, she trains people how to do this the right way.
Speaker 1:
[40:42] I'm sure that's incredibly, you know, biased. But the point is, she's making beaucoup bucks. She's taken off and she's telling Heather, knock it off with your ICU job and come work for me.
Speaker 6:
[40:59] For years, yeah.
Speaker 1:
[41:00] For just years. And Heather's like, no, I have to save, you know, smelly people. Just refused. And then finally, Heather's like, okay, her sister's going to open up a Malibu location, Heather's going to run it, and now you can be the breadwinner of your family.
Speaker 6:
[41:17] All's well that ends well, right?
Speaker 1:
[41:20] So you're finally, do you think you'll ever step foot in the ICU again other than when John needs it?
Speaker 6:
[41:26] No. Well, and this is why I was hesitant to leave. Over the years, I trained a lot of people that would leave the ICU and then try to come back. And it's kind of a disaster. Everything moves so fast in that world, like the technology changes and everything. So I knew if I left, I wasn't making a U-turn to come back. And I would miss, I thought I would miss it.
Speaker 1:
[41:45] Okay. So now you're going to be running this, this Botox place here in Malibu that hasn't opened yet.
Speaker 6:
[41:52] No.
Speaker 1:
[41:53] When is it going to open?
Speaker 6:
[41:54] City of Malibu. We're waiting on clearance from them.
Speaker 1:
[41:56] Good luck. Oh, they might not, you might wait months, years?
Speaker 6:
[42:00] I think we're like at the four to six week mark.
Speaker 1:
[42:02] But you're already working for her, but eventually you'll just be at this, what a short commute. That'll be the first time you've had a short commute.
Speaker 6:
[42:09] In my life.
Speaker 1:
[42:10] How much more money will you be making now?
Speaker 6:
[42:12] I don't know. We'll see.
Speaker 1:
[42:13] A lot more?
Speaker 6:
[42:14] I don't know.
Speaker 1:
[42:15] I don't need a dollar. Are you going to be making less money?
Speaker 6:
[42:17] I think I actually will be making more like when it works out, like hourly, like in the hospital, you're clocking, it's shift work. You're paid hourly. It's not like, oh, you had a really productive day. We're going to give you a bonus. That doesn't happen.
Speaker 1:
[42:29] How are you going to go from dealing with such serious, real problems to Malibu people going, I just think if I had just this.
Speaker 6:
[42:40] Yeah.
Speaker 1:
[42:41] Also by the way, you look beautiful today. I haven't seen you look good in I don't know how long. You don't dress up that often.
Speaker 8:
[42:50] Nope, I don't.
Speaker 1:
[42:52] I mean, it's been a long time. You're kind of just like you're in sweats.
Speaker 8:
[42:58] You seem to drop off like I'm going to go work out.
Speaker 1:
[43:01] Okay. But I mean, even if we go back to that, when I could just walk next door and walk into your home, which by the way, I never knock. I do a Kramer. I just say the N word. No, I kick doors in, I barge in. Here's why I bring up that you look nice. Okay. Because how many units have you injected into your face?
Speaker 6:
[43:28] So I've only in the last two years since I've been working with my sister, like I've been doing Botox regularly.
Speaker 1:
[43:34] You are doing it because I've always been like, this is so funny because you don't do this stuff at all.
Speaker 6:
[43:40] I hadn't before. I mean, I was just having kids and I was busy. And my sister was always like, come on, please, let me inject you. You look so pissed off. But so I've done Botox. I have not had any filler.
Speaker 1:
[43:52] And what's the difference between filler and Botox?
Speaker 6:
[43:54] Oh, come on. Come on.
Speaker 1:
[43:56] I don't know. I don't know.
Speaker 6:
[43:58] It's very different. So Botox is a neurotoxin.
Speaker 1:
[44:02] Botox wears off?
Speaker 6:
[44:04] Yes.
Speaker 1:
[44:04] Filler doesn't?
Speaker 6:
[44:05] Well, no, they both will, but they totally different functions. So Botox is going to relax the muscles. So it prevents you from making these horrible faces over and over again. We strategically inject it so that you can look refreshed and relaxed and a little happier.
Speaker 7:
[44:21] Filler is filler.
Speaker 6:
[44:23] As you lose volume in your face, then we place filler in those areas to kind of give you back that...
Speaker 1:
[44:28] What's more expensive?
Speaker 6:
[44:29] It depends on how you look at it. Like if you do filler, you're not doing that again if you have the right injector for years. You shouldn't be like kind of adding that every single year. Botox is something that you get every three to four months is what you would get.
Speaker 1:
[44:42] What does a session of Botox cost?
Speaker 6:
[44:44] It depends on the face.
Speaker 1:
[44:45] Just give me an idea.
Speaker 6:
[44:47] I mean, it just depends.
Speaker 1:
[44:48] Okay, my face.
Speaker 6:
[44:49] It's recharge per unit. Your face?
Speaker 1:
[44:51] I have never done anything. Can you believe it?
Speaker 6:
[44:54] Well, I showed your picture to our esthetician yesterday. Because I wanted to...
Speaker 1:
[44:58] What do you do? Do you go like this? Where would we focus on me?
Speaker 6:
[45:02] I think...
Speaker 1:
[45:02] My eyes, really, really...
Speaker 6:
[45:04] You don't need anything.
Speaker 1:
[45:06] That's what I always tell everyone.
Speaker 6:
[45:07] Right? But if you wanted it...
Speaker 1:
[45:10] Where would I start?
Speaker 6:
[45:11] Just upper face, probably upper face Botox.
Speaker 1:
[45:13] Upper face Botox. Now, how much would that cost me in my first little session? Is this like a $300 day or a $3,000 day?
Speaker 6:
[45:20] No, in between.
Speaker 1:
[45:21] Fucking God, everybody's so vague.
Speaker 7:
[45:24] Well, you have to assess the face.
Speaker 6:
[45:26] It's not this blank.
Speaker 1:
[45:26] You're assessing it. This is your job now.
Speaker 8:
[45:28] Well, I would have to count it out. You want me to do math.
Speaker 1:
[45:31] If I walked in with like a two by four sticking out of my stomach, you'd know what to do. You're telling me...
Speaker 8:
[45:37] I'd leave it.
Speaker 1:
[45:38] You're right. You gotta leave it. You don't pull it out. You pull it out. Poor What's-His-Name. Steve Irwin should still be with us. Who in their right mind thought they should pull out the barb?
Speaker 6:
[45:50] That's awful.
Speaker 1:
[45:51] Sorry.
Speaker 3:
[45:52] It always gets back to Steve Irwin.
Speaker 1:
[45:54] For me, it does.
Speaker 6:
[45:55] I just feel like you've brought him up before.
Speaker 1:
[45:58] I care. His death was so senseless. We'll be right back. This episode of Tosh Show is brought to you by Progressive Insurance. You chose to hit play on this podcast today. Smart choice. Make another smart choice with AutoQuote Explorer to compare rates from multiple car insurance companies all at once. Try it at progressive.com. Progressive Casualty Insurance Company and affiliates. Not available in all states or situations. Prices vary based on how you buy.
Speaker 9:
[46:32] Looking for the best place to shop this Mother's Day? Go with the brand that makes it easy to send something thoughtful to everyone on your list. 1800flowers.com. Right now at 1800flowers, order one dozen roses and get another dozen free. More flowers mean more smiles, all backed by the quality, attention to detail, and trusted delivery experience that make 1800flowers my top choice to send something beautiful mom will love. Make mom's day at 1800flowers.com/podcast. That's 1800flowers.com/podcast.
Speaker 10:
[47:02] Tacovus is the go-to for premium handcrafted Western boots. Stop by any store location for a warm welcome, a cold drink in hand, and a truly one-of-a-kind shopping experience. Let our friendly staff help you find your new go-to boots, whether your first pair or your 50th. Finish things off with a complimentary boot brand to make them extra special. Come for the boots, stay for the good times. Tacovus Forever West.
Speaker 1:
[47:38] Is any of this covered? Do you guys cover, is insurance cover any of this? Nothing.
Speaker 6:
[47:43] No, it's a luxury, not medically necessary.
Speaker 1:
[47:46] Is it mostly women? What percentage of men come in to get this kind of work done?
Speaker 6:
[47:50] Well, ironically, yesterday, like more than half of my patients were men, but that's not a typical day. It's usually mostly women.
Speaker 1:
[47:56] Can you get wrinkles out of balls? Scrotums, sorry.
Speaker 6:
[47:59] I have not tried.
Speaker 1:
[48:00] But can you?
Speaker 6:
[48:00] And I actually said, I drew a line in the sand, and I was like, I will not be doing any Botox in any buttholes or anything like that.
Speaker 7:
[48:07] There's some of these weird trends out there right now.
Speaker 1:
[48:08] What about injecting into like so you don't sweat?
Speaker 7:
[48:11] Yeah.
Speaker 1:
[48:11] Do you do that?
Speaker 8:
[48:12] Yeah.
Speaker 1:
[48:12] Can you do that around the old taint?
Speaker 6:
[48:15] I don't know, but I refuse. I'm retired.
Speaker 8:
[48:18] Below the waist, I'm retired.
Speaker 1:
[48:20] You're not going to...
Speaker 3:
[48:22] People really doing buttholes, they're getting their buttholes.
Speaker 1:
[48:25] What are they doing with their buttholes?
Speaker 6:
[48:26] I mean, I don't know. I haven't seen it or done it, but I've heard about some sort of Botox down there.
Speaker 1:
[48:32] That's interesting. What is the most effective treatment that you offer?
Speaker 6:
[48:36] It depends on what outcome you're looking for.
Speaker 1:
[48:39] I don't know. Look younger. Isn't that all people want?
Speaker 6:
[48:43] I would say Botox is kind of like your bread and butter baseline, really the most helpful to help you age gracefully.
Speaker 1:
[48:49] What else are you doing? Besides Botox?
Speaker 6:
[48:51] Lasers. So we have the Moxie and the BBL laser. We have the SoftWave machine. We do micro-needling.
Speaker 1:
[48:58] What's micro-needling for?
Speaker 6:
[49:00] Micro-needling is kind of like a resurfacing of the skin. And you kind of look a little bit raw when you're done, but it helps with cell turnover and collagen production.
Speaker 1:
[49:10] Will you do any of this stuff to John?
Speaker 6:
[49:12] He doesn't need it.
Speaker 1:
[49:13] Of course. Will you do it to him?
Speaker 6:
[49:14] Sure. I actually, he was part of our study that we did. I was micro-needling his own secretome. So basically we harvested his hair follicles through this company called Acorn, and they made this secretome. So it's like for hair rejuvenation. So I was micro-needling him as part of the study. He did six treatments of that.
Speaker 1:
[49:32] And did his hair growth come back any better?
Speaker 6:
[49:34] I think you have to keep going more than, the study was only for the six treatments, and I think he probably needs to-
Speaker 1:
[49:39] I hate everything with hair growth. Everything that works is still not as good as you want it to be. I mean, as somebody that's done forever. I've done PRP.
Speaker 7:
[49:47] But look at, your hair looks great.
Speaker 1:
[49:49] Yeah, but it's only on camera does it look good. If I'm out of the shower, and you're looking at the top of my head, you're like, oh yeah, you're, you know.
Speaker 6:
[49:58] You can see the pattern?
Speaker 1:
[49:59] Oh, no, you can just see that I'm thin as, it's just not good. I'm going to buzz it down this summer, and I'm going to do the individual transfers.
Speaker 6:
[50:08] Okay.
Speaker 1:
[50:09] But that's going to be a commitment.
Speaker 6:
[50:10] Yeah.
Speaker 1:
[50:11] But we'll just, we'll see what I do. Do those dumb red light mask actually do anything?
Speaker 6:
[50:16] I don't know. If you have the time to do that, go ahead, it can't hurt, but I don't know about it really moving the needle on anything.
Speaker 1:
[50:22] You cold plunge or any of that stuff?
Speaker 6:
[50:24] I don't cold plunge. I don't like cold.
Speaker 1:
[50:26] I don't like cold either.
Speaker 6:
[50:27] I like steam rooms. I'm hot. I like the hot.
Speaker 1:
[50:30] Are you going to people's homes?
Speaker 6:
[50:32] No, I'm not going to be doing house calls.
Speaker 1:
[50:33] No house calls?
Speaker 6:
[50:34] No.
Speaker 1:
[50:35] What about putting people to sleep with pro-for-fall? Do you guys do that?
Speaker 6:
[50:37] Nope, that's not going to be at home either. That should only be in the hospital.
Speaker 1:
[50:42] But it does give you a good night's sleep.
Speaker 6:
[50:44] Or you end up like Michael Jackson.
Speaker 1:
[50:46] Yeah, he's still sleeping.
Speaker 5:
[50:49] Best night of his life.
Speaker 1:
[50:51] I mean, he's doing fine. He's like, man, this feels like forever. All right, everybody that's on the show gets a gift. Oh, I'm so excited to give you this. This, you're gonna love it. Okay, go ahead, guys. Bring that in for me.
Speaker 6:
[51:05] I brought you a gift too.
Speaker 1:
[51:06] Wait, hold on, wait, not yet. You brought me a gift?
Speaker 6:
[51:08] I did, I brought you a gift.
Speaker 1:
[51:09] First thing I got you. This is gonna be nice, okay?
Speaker 6:
[51:11] Okay, oh dear.
Speaker 1:
[51:13] This?
Speaker 7:
[51:14] What is that?
Speaker 1:
[51:15] That's teak.
Speaker 7:
[51:15] It's so dirty.
Speaker 1:
[51:16] All right, so it doesn't matter. It's teak oil, okay? And the reason I'm giving you this is because I'm giving you a nice outdoor teak table. I had gotten something different. I replaced my outdoor table. But this will be a perfect table for your house. We're going to have to store it in your garage until your home is finished being built. But you put some teak oil on it, and it'll come right back to life.
Speaker 8:
[51:38] I mean, there's spider webs on this game.
Speaker 1:
[51:40] Yeah, it's disgusting. Here, take that.
Speaker 7:
[51:42] Is it an outdoor table?
Speaker 1:
[51:43] Yeah. Bring it over here, guys. Let's go. Oh, she is nice.
Speaker 7:
[51:46] Oh my gosh. How is this getting to my house?
Speaker 1:
[51:50] I'll put it back in my truck. Lift it above the table. Don't scratch my table with that table.
Speaker 6:
[51:54] Well, this is huge.
Speaker 1:
[51:57] You put this teak oil on here, and she will come right back to life.
Speaker 6:
[52:00] I cannot wait.
Speaker 1:
[52:01] Oh, that's a beautiful table.
Speaker 7:
[52:04] It is nice.
Speaker 6:
[52:05] It's got potential.
Speaker 1:
[52:06] Here, then I got you this. This was just at a hotel I was at. I don't use anything.
Speaker 6:
[52:11] What's inside?
Speaker 1:
[52:12] It's just more face stuff.
Speaker 6:
[52:13] Body lotion.
Speaker 1:
[52:14] Is it awful?
Speaker 6:
[52:15] I mean, it's hotel stuff.
Speaker 7:
[52:16] I don't know.
Speaker 1:
[52:17] I don't know if it's good.
Speaker 6:
[52:17] But sometimes you stay at nice hotels.
Speaker 1:
[52:19] I stay at very nice hotels. Okay.
Speaker 7:
[52:21] We'll see. Well, I brought you this.
Speaker 1:
[52:23] What is this?
Speaker 6:
[52:24] So I asked our esthetician what you needed, and she said, well, show me his picture. And so I showed her your picture.
Speaker 1:
[52:31] Which photo did you show, though?
Speaker 6:
[52:32] Well, she made me pull up your Instagram, and then she watched a couple of videos. And she said, oh, he has sun damage.
Speaker 1:
[52:39] Yeah, of course I have sun damage.
Speaker 6:
[52:40] And I said, well, he's a surfer. So this is a medical-grade sunscreen. I think it's what, SPF 75?
Speaker 1:
[52:46] Anything past 20 is pointless.
Speaker 6:
[52:48] Well, but it's great, and this brand is really great.
Speaker 1:
[52:51] Water-resistant for 80 minutes.
Speaker 6:
[52:53] Yes. So try it on your face. It's got this tone-smart technology that kind of matches your skin.
Speaker 1:
[52:58] I don't like it when it looks like I'm wearing makeup.
Speaker 6:
[52:59] Try it, or let Carly have it, she'll like it. But it's really good stuff.
Speaker 1:
[53:03] How much does this cost?
Speaker 6:
[53:05] It's pretty pricey, but we're going to be the only people in Malibu stocking this line.
Speaker 1:
[53:09] Oh, good. So this is a fucking plug.
Speaker 6:
[53:11] Yeah, why not?
Speaker 1:
[53:16] You've always had a real subtle laugh. Anytime Heather comes to a show, I can just hear her.
Speaker 6:
[53:22] I know.
Speaker 1:
[53:22] The problem with her laugh too, besides it just being a cackle, is she doesn't laugh when everyone else laughs. She'll just randomly pick a time to let it loose.
Speaker 8:
[53:33] It's usually like if you get quiet and you make a funny face.
Speaker 1:
[53:37] Yeah. I don't even need to write jokes.
Speaker 7:
[53:38] No.
Speaker 1:
[53:39] She just wants me to go up there and just go.
Speaker 7:
[53:40] When you're like, would smirk, I would just lose it for some reason.
Speaker 1:
[53:45] Tell people how I changed your life when it comes to-
Speaker 6:
[53:48] Which time?
Speaker 1:
[53:50] When it comes to ordering at a restaurant.
Speaker 6:
[53:52] I mean, actually, I just said this to my parents the other day. I took them to lunch. And I was like, you know, Daniel says if they have bread pudding on the menu, you order it.
Speaker 7:
[53:59] And so we ordered bread pudding for lunch and my dad was the happiest.
Speaker 8:
[54:02] He's like, well, that was a good idea.
Speaker 1:
[54:05] If bread pudding is on the menu, you order it. Second thing I do a dessert, if there's like nine things that look good, order all of them.
Speaker 7:
[54:11] Yeah.
Speaker 1:
[54:11] And just deal with it. Oh, it's the best. You've made me some good desserts in your day.
Speaker 6:
[54:19] Yeah.
Speaker 1:
[54:19] You bring them over. That's always sweet. It's been a while since I've had your mushy bread or your mushy-
Speaker 6:
[54:24] It was like a chocolate souffle type thing.
Speaker 1:
[54:26] Yeah. Well, let's not go over, where it wasn't a souffle.
Speaker 6:
[54:29] No, but like it was like that because you like things raw and doughy.
Speaker 1:
[54:32] I like things raw and doughy. I want that on my tombstone. All right, Heather. Well, I look forward to you fixing my face.
Speaker 6:
[54:43] It'll be an honor.
Speaker 1:
[54:44] Oh, it's going to be exciting. I'm going to look so much younger the next time you guys see me. I want to thank Heather for being on the show, reluctantly. She did it, she was great. Nurses are good people, just the salt of the earth. Why is being the salt of the earth a good thing? I love expressions that I've never looked into what it actually means. Anybody care to know why we say the salt of the earth?
Speaker 5:
[55:13] We need sodium, I don't know.
Speaker 1:
[55:15] You think it's a sodium related thing?
Speaker 3:
[55:17] I think it's a biblical thing.
Speaker 1:
[55:18] You think it's biblical? I think it's just, it's fun to lick salt.
Speaker 3:
[55:22] The phrase originates from the sermon on the Mount in Matthew 513, where Jesus tells his followers, you are the salt of the earth.
Speaker 1:
[55:31] Okay. So he just made it up.
Speaker 5:
[55:33] He just said it.
Speaker 1:
[55:35] That sounds like a Trump quote. You just start talking and see what happens.
Speaker 5:
[55:40] Could have well been pepper.
Speaker 3:
[55:42] Then they're all like, let's go get fish.
Speaker 5:
[55:44] You're the chives of the earth.
Speaker 1:
[55:46] The salt of the earth. All right. Okay. Well, anyway, that's what she is. By the way, the table that I gave her, just getting it up here was not easy, but there's a staircase and it involves a turn and it's gonna be a pain. But Pete here thinks that table can go, he's like, I'm gonna go down the hall quite a ways with it, carrying it, and then put it in the elevator so we don't have to go up the flight of stairs. The idea that this would fit in an elevator is absurd to anyone who's ever seen the elevator or like looked at a 10-foot table.
Speaker 5:
[56:25] Ridden in an elevator.
Speaker 1:
[56:27] It's just comical and he attempted it. Meanwhile, there's like people like waiting. This guy in a wheelchair is like, hey, when you're done failing at Tetris.
Speaker 3:
[56:39] We'll get to you next, sir.
Speaker 1:
[56:41] Oh, anyway, of course, it didn't fit at all, just added a few extra scratches to the table. And then we brought it up the stairs. He's like, it was worth a try. I'm like, no, it wasn't. You walked twice the distance with that table by going to the elevator. We got some plugs, patreon.com/toshshow. Guys, I need you to join that. I'm kidding. You don't have to. But if you have money, $5 burning a hole in your pocket every month, you're like, I wish I didn't have this. Because eventually $5 is going to be like pennies where you don't want them.
Speaker 3:
[57:21] Yes.
Speaker 1:
[57:22] Although now people are collecting pennies.
Speaker 3:
[57:25] Who's doing this?
Speaker 1:
[57:26] I don't know. I don't know anyone that's collecting pennies. I'm just guessing that as soon as they say we're stop using pennies, that people will start collecting them.
Speaker 3:
[57:33] Get the pennies.
Speaker 1:
[57:34] I'm thinking that you could watch Fox News and there'd be a commercial like, you need to invest in pennies. The Trump penny. My first farewell tour. Tickets on sale. Adding shows constantly. toshshowstore.com. And by the sound of those horns, I know that it's time to play, They Love Me, They Love Me Not.
Speaker 3:
[57:56] There you go.
Speaker 1:
[57:57] Eddie, what do you got?
Speaker 3:
[57:58] Bo Mitchum 799. I've been trying to come up with something negative to say, so I can be on the I Love Me Not segment, but can't. The show is pure gold.
Speaker 1:
[58:07] Boom. You're on the I Love Me segment. And I don't know why you're wasting time trying to come up with something negative. That's the problem with America right there. Always trying to come up with something negative instead of focus on the positive.
Speaker 3:
[58:17] Exactly.
Speaker 1:
[58:18] Okay.
Speaker 3:
[58:19] Here's Toaster Lovin.
Speaker 1:
[58:20] Toaster Lovin?
Speaker 3:
[58:21] Toaster Lovin.
Speaker 1:
[58:21] Does that mean somebody's putting their dick in a toaster?
Speaker 3:
[58:24] Well, I guess maybe. Well, Tosh just did a sports gambling ad, and I just lost all respect for him.
Speaker 1:
[58:30] That's what did it, huh? That's what made you lose all the respect. He had all the respect for me, and then I did a sports gambling ad. Is that the problem?
Speaker 3:
[58:39] He lost it.
Speaker 1:
[58:40] That's a shame. Hopefully, he has an open heart, and I can win it back when I do some hair loss or bone or pill commercials. See you next week. This episode of Tosh Show is brought to you by Progressive Insurance. You chose to hit play on this podcast today. Smart choice. Make another smart choice with AutoQuote Explorer to compare rates from multiple car insurance companies all at once. Try it at progressive.com. Progressive Casualty Insurance Company and Affiliates. Not available in all states or situations. Prices vary based on how you buy.