transcript

Speaker 1:
[00:00] As people age, it's normal to ask what more they could be doing to take care of their health. It's important to be proactive, especially when it comes to your brain health. Don't wait for something to feel off before taking action. Make your next checkup count. Ask your doctor about your risk factors for dementia and a cognitive assessment. Visit brainhealthmatters.com for more information and resources provided by Lilly.

Speaker 2:
[00:31] Look, if you've got prescriptions, the Walmart app is your place to manage them. Transfer your scripts, refill them, and have them delivered straight to you. Migraines managed, allergies alleviated, dermatology, derma delivered. Ding dong. Is that your pizza? Nope. Walmart pharmacy delivery with a refill. Switch to Walmart and manage your prescriptions in the app. The Walmart you thought you knew is now new. Delivery not available for all prescriptions. Exclusions apply.

Speaker 1:
[01:01] Thanks for listening to My Call of the Day, brought to you by Native Path College. And want less joint pain? Yes. Better sleep? Healthier skin? And even improved bone density scans? Sure. Add Native Path to your daily routine. Try it risk free at getnativepath.com/dr.laura. Remember, you can hear my radio program daily on SiriusXM Triumph and connect with me 24-7 at drlaura.com. Matthew, welcome to the program.

Speaker 3:
[01:33] Hi, Dr. Laura. Thanks for taking my call.

Speaker 1:
[01:37] Thank you.

Speaker 3:
[01:40] Sorry, this is a kind of a sad one.

Speaker 1:
[01:44] Okay.

Speaker 3:
[01:44] I'll get through this here. We have family, friends and neighbors and they were on a trip and we found out on Sunday that their 10-year-old daughter had died.

Speaker 1:
[02:00] So what were the what were the circumstances?

Speaker 3:
[02:05] Well, she basically suffered the equivalent of a massive stroke and then was airlifted to the hospital. They did surgery, but then they had discovered that she had leukemia, but she had had no symptoms. So then, just by Sunday, she had passed away. The family is not back yet. They're getting back today. So we don't know every single detail. We've kind of been in touch with them a bit. And there's two other families on the block who are all kind of close and our kids play and stuff like that. So that was sort of my reason for calling was our son, who's eight. He and this girl were like really, they were good friends, like kindred spirits. They were just very silly and whatnot together.

Speaker 1:
[03:08] So what did you tell them?

Speaker 3:
[03:11] Well, we just told them, we told them on Sunday that she had had like an accident. Not an accident, but my wife worded it basically like what happened, like she had fallen on the ski hill and wasn't waking up and they had to take her to the hospital. And then there was some complications with that. And then they tried to help her and they just couldn't and that she had died.

Speaker 1:
[03:41] Okay. And what did your boy do with that information?

Speaker 3:
[03:45] Okay. So when, as my wife was telling him, he had been, he was opening a puzzle. So I noticed right away that he really started flicking the flap on the puzzle, like over and over. He could sense that this news wasn't going to be good. And then he just kind of, like, he didn't start to cry or anything, he just took it in. And we talked a bit and then our plan that day was to go for Easter dinner at my wife's parents. So we asked for something and he still wanted to go. So we went, you know, and everything there was relatively normal. I took the Monday off work thinking he might not want to go to school, but he wanted to, he's like, yeah, don't go to school. We talked again about on Sunday night, you know, like, you know, just and he said, he's like, well, he's like, it's okay. You know, he's like, I'm okay with it. And then Tuesday, there was an assembly at the school and my wife was there, but the theme of the assembly was friendship. So then he came up to my wife and he had tears, like, welling in his eyes and he said, I don't, I don't feel very good. I'd like to go home. So they went home and she said, do you think this has to do with, you know, Luanne, her friend? Like, I don't know. He's like, I don't, I don't think so, but.

Speaker 1:
[05:32] As people age, it's normal to ask what more they could be doing to take care of their health. It's important to be proactive, especially when it comes to your brain health. Don't wait for something to feel off before taking action. Make your next checkup count. Ask your doctor about your risk factors for dementia and a cognitive assessment. Visit brainhealthmatters.com for more information and resources provided by Lilly.

Speaker 2:
[06:04] Look, if you've got prescriptions, the Walmart app is your place to manage them. Transfer your scripts, refill them, and have them delivered straight to you. Migraines managed, allergies alleviated, dermatology, derma delivered. Ding dong. Is that your pizza? Nope. Walmart pharmacy delivery with a refill. Switch to Walmart and manage your prescriptions in the app. The Walmart you thought you knew is now new. Delivery not available for all prescriptions. Exclusions apply.

Speaker 4:
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Speaker 5:
[07:00] Hi, I'm Angie Hicks, co-founder of Angie. And one thing I've learned is that you buy a house, but you make it a home. Because with every fix, update, and renovation, it becomes a little more your own. So you need all your jobs done well. For nearly 30 years, Angie has helped millions of homeowners hire skilled pros for the projects that matter. From plumbing to electrical, roof repair to deck upgrades. So leave it to the pros who will get your jobs done well. Angie, the one you trust defined the ones you trust. Find a pro for your project at angie.com.

Speaker 4:
[07:30] And now, the next chapter of the Serta Counting Sheep.

Speaker 1:
[07:33] Hey Uncle Number One, why aren't we counting anymore?

Speaker 6:
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Speaker 1:
[07:41] Oh no!

Speaker 6:
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Speaker 5:
[07:54] We'll never get counted again!

Speaker 6:
[07:56] Uh, nope.

Speaker 4:
[07:58] Serta, we make the world's best mattress.

Speaker 1:
[08:04] Well, did he have any physical symptoms of a cold or anything?

Speaker 3:
[08:09] No, no. Like, we're fairly comfortable.

Speaker 1:
[08:12] Well, when he said he didn't feel good, what symptoms did he describe?

Speaker 3:
[08:17] His tummy, his stomach was sore. He's like, I don't feel that.

Speaker 1:
[08:20] That was anxiety because they were talking about friendship and he lost a friend.

Speaker 3:
[08:24] Yeah.

Speaker 1:
[08:24] He didn't think of it in terms of he lost somebody until that time in the school.

Speaker 3:
[08:31] Yeah. That's more or less what we figured.

Speaker 1:
[08:35] Like, yeah, you're right.

Speaker 3:
[08:37] Like, yeah. And so then, like, and then my wife was putting him to bed that night and he's partway through, he said, he said, I feel better now. Then I was putting him to bed one night and I said, no, do you want to, I just asked if you want to look at any photos of Luanne. And he was like, nah, not right now. So like, we're not, you know, this is-

Speaker 1:
[09:01] Why were you, why were you offering photos of her? Why were you doing that?

Speaker 3:
[09:07] I don't know. I just, I didn't want to not say anything. I don't want to bombard him.

Speaker 1:
[09:12] You know, you guys have done enough. You know, I don't know why you kept, why you did that step of stirring it up again. The next step is yes, you lost a friend and that hurts. That's what you should be talking about, not looking at pictures of her. Yes, you lost a friend. What's that going to be like for you? You used to be able to go hiking up the mountain with her and now you don't have that. So how is that going to be for you? So we're back to talking about him coping. The next step is when, please stop annotating. The next step is telling him it's our job as caring people to go to their home at least one time, give everybody a hug, bring some food, tell them how we're going to miss her. This is our next step, is to help them.

Speaker 3:
[10:05] Okay. Now, if he doesn't want to talk about it at all or anything like, what do we do?

Speaker 1:
[10:17] Are you sounding like a mother instead of a father? Leave him alone for God's sake. If he's going to school, he's eating and sleeping well, and he's playing, he's doing okay. If at some point he's not, he'll tell you that.

Speaker 6:
[10:30] Stop it.

Speaker 3:
[10:32] Okay.

Speaker 1:
[10:35] Is he eating, sleeping, and going to the bathroom? Sir, is he eating, sleeping, and going to the bathroom?

Speaker 3:
[10:42] Yes, ma'am.

Speaker 1:
[10:43] Well, then some of the grieving, stressed stuff, he's doing fine with. He's brought up in a good home with people emotionally caring. Give it a break. You've raised him to be able to talk about things and face them. Now, you tell him what you do. You help other people with their grief.

Speaker 3:
[11:03] We tell them what we do. Okay.

Speaker 1:
[11:08] Losing a friend is bad enough. Losing your daughter is the worst.

Speaker 3:
[11:12] Yeah. They're coming back tonight. Then there was some talk of maybe getting together on Sunday. My wife has picked up some groceries for them. I'm going to stop talking about the happiness and that, so.

Speaker 1:
[11:28] Good. This is what you teach your son now. In spite of your own unhappiness, you help other people with theirs. That's a great way of coping in life in general. The crappy, think about it. When you have felt crappy, but you did somebody a favor, you forgot feeling crappy.

Speaker 3:
[11:47] Right.

Speaker 1:
[11:53] This is what you teach your son now.

Speaker 3:
[11:57] So just to re-say that one point for me, like if we're talking about going over there Sunday and he doesn't want to.

Speaker 1:
[12:10] Matthew, you're teaching him how to be a decent human being. He doesn't get a vote.

Speaker 3:
[12:14] Okay. Got you. That's what I want to know. I don't want to force him, but-

Speaker 1:
[12:19] Yes, you do. Yes, you do because that's teaching. I don't want to force him to do his homework. I don't want to force him to exercise. I don't want to force him to eat vegetables. Give me a break.

Speaker 3:
[12:30] I know. It's just confusing a little bit. That's all.

Speaker 1:
[12:35] Why? Why?

Speaker 3:
[12:40] Well, I've never had a friend whose 10-year-old died, I guess. It's just-

Speaker 1:
[12:47] Have you ever had a friend who died? Have you ever had a friend who died? Then you know what it's like.

Speaker 3:
[12:54] Yes. Then you do some things even if you don't want to do them. I get it.

Speaker 1:
[13:02] A caring human being does for others in spite of their own pain. This is what you teach your boy.

Speaker 3:
[13:15] I got it.

Speaker 1:
[13:16] I got it. He becomes a good person and a man. You say, we're going over there tomorrow at time. Are there any other kids in the family, by the way? The family where the kid died?

Speaker 3:
[13:30] They have a 13-year-old boy.

Speaker 1:
[13:34] Okay. You go over and sit with a 13-year-old boy for a while. He's just lost his sister. So go over and see if he wants to talk. If not, just hang with him. You're teaching him how to be a decent human being and a man.

Speaker 3:
[13:50] Got it.

Speaker 1:
[13:51] Stop acting like he's a little powder puff.

Speaker 3:
[13:55] He's not. He's not a powder puff. I just didn't know. Like, you know, I just didn't know. That's all. That's why I called you, because I knew you would do exactly what you've done.

Speaker 1:
[14:07] Yeah. Throw me under the bus. Okay, Matthew, I'm really sorry this happened. As I've said, there's nothing worse in the world than losing a child. Nothing.

Speaker 3:
[14:17] Yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 1:
[14:19] Nothing. I think that's the worst pain there is. When I was in private practice, I had no clue how to help these parents. Not really. You have to live with the worst pain ever and get on with life. For your other children, for your spouse, for your own mental health. But it's the wrong order of things in the universe. I can't imagine it. 1-800-375-2872. If you like this podcast, be sure to rate it on Apple Podcasts or your favorite place to listen to my podcast. Of course, I'd love if you gave me five stars. Be sure to share this podcast with a friend on Facebook or your preferred social media platform.

Speaker 2:
[15:14] Look, if you've got prescriptions, the Walmart app is your place to manage them. Transfer your scripts, refill them, and have them delivered straight to you. Migraines managed, allergies alleviated, dermatology, derma delivered. Thank you. Nope, Walmart Pharmacy Delivery with a refill. Switch to Walmart and manage your prescriptions in the app. The Walmart you thought you knew is now new. Delivery not available for all prescriptions. Exclusions apply.

Speaker 4:
[15:45] Why have we asked our contractor we found on angie.com to be our kid's legal guardian? Because he took such good care when redoing our basement, that we knew we could trust him to care for our kids, the late of them. Should something happen to us?

Speaker 3:
[15:57] Are you my dad now? Uh, no.

Speaker 1:
[16:01] Sorry.

Speaker 4:
[16:02] I do basements. Connecting homeowners with skilled pros for over 30 years.

Speaker 1:
[16:07] Angie, the one you trust, to find the ones you trust.

Speaker 4:
[16:10] Find pros for all your home projects at angie.com.