transcript
Speaker 1:
[00:00] All right, in this episode, Jay Mohr joins me live at the Carr Museum. Kind of cool, always funny. Also, Rudy's got the news, and we'll do that right after this. This is Adam Corolla from the Adam Corolla Show. If you care about sports, you care about moments. And right now, they're everywhere. March Madness is tightening, and the road to the 2026 World Cup, soccer is heating up from the sweet 16 to international test matches. BetOnline is built for fans who don't just watch. They track, study, and stay ahead. College Hoops is down to the best of the best. Tighter games, sharper lines, and props that actually matter. At the same time, international football is building toward the biggest tournament in the world. BetOnline delivers it all. Live betting, instant updates, and in-game odds that move with every possession on the court and every attack on the pitch. The $50,000 Sweet 16 Bracket Contest is live. A fresh chance to get in, build it right, and take your shot while the road to 2026 continues to unfold. Big moments don't wait. Bet on line, the game starts here.
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Speaker 5:
[02:33] I sold my car in Carvana last night.
Speaker 2:
[02:35] Well, that's cool.
Speaker 6:
[02:36] No, you don't understand.
Speaker 5:
[02:37] It went perfectly, real offer, down to the penny.
Speaker 7:
[02:40] They're picking it up tomorrow.
Speaker 6:
[02:41] Nothing went wrong.
Speaker 2:
[02:42] So, what's the problem?
Speaker 8:
[02:43] That is the problem.
Speaker 6:
[02:44] Nothing in my life goes as smoothly. I'm waiting for the catch.
Speaker 9:
[02:47] Maybe there's no catch.
Speaker 5:
[02:48] That's exactly what a catch would want me to think.
Speaker 2:
[02:51] Wow, you need to relax.
Speaker 6:
[02:52] I need a knock on wood.
Speaker 8:
[02:53] Do we have wood?
Speaker 6:
[02:54] Is this table wood?
Speaker 2:
[02:54] I think it's laminate.
Speaker 8:
[02:56] Okay, yeah, that's good. That's close enough.
Speaker 2:
[02:57] Car selling without a catch.
Speaker 8:
[02:59] Sell your car today on Carvana.
Speaker 2:
[03:02] Pick up these may apply.
Speaker 1:
[03:04] This episode of Adam Carolla Show is brought to you by Simply Safe.
Speaker 3:
[03:15] From the Jordan Family Events Center in Santa Ana, California, this is The Adam Carolla Show. Adam's guest today, Jay Moore, and Paul Newman's race cars. Plus the news with Rudy Pavich, and now, Adam Carolla.
Speaker 1:
[03:33] All right, everybody, Jay Moore has hit the stage. For those listening at home, we're at the Jordan Family Events Center, and that's where all the Newman race cars are, all 13. I gave you guys a tour, kind of a fun hobby that my kids don't give a shit about, but I wish my dad had collected something instead of venereal diseases.
Speaker 10:
[04:02] No, he never had sex with anybody.
Speaker 1:
[04:05] Jay Moore, I was thinking about coming up here today and talking to you because I realized that there was a movie called Bobby Deerfield.
Speaker 10:
[04:19] Do you guys remember the 70s race car movie with Al Pacino?
Speaker 11:
[04:25] Yeah, which one of these is the gas?
Speaker 10:
[04:30] And I thought, Al Pacino, it wasn't a big hit.
Speaker 1:
[04:35] He wasn't really convincing as a race car driver, I don't think.
Speaker 12:
[04:41] How do they fit all these horses under the hood? This crowd is to wake up.
Speaker 13:
[04:49] Hurrah!
Speaker 10:
[04:51] Well, get into the mic a little more, Jay.
Speaker 13:
[04:53] I think that's what I'm saying.
Speaker 1:
[04:58] Then I thought to myself, I don't think Jay Mohr knows much about racing or cars.
Speaker 12:
[05:04] Even though my dad raced.
Speaker 1:
[05:06] Your dad raced?
Speaker 12:
[05:07] SCCA, Northeast, like Lime Rock, Bridge Hampton, Watkins Glen. He was a spec racer. That's why I always go by, what? What else? Yeah, Adam, maybe if you brought a fucking bio, you know this.
Speaker 10:
[05:22] What did he race back in the day?
Speaker 12:
[05:24] Spec racers.
Speaker 1:
[05:26] Really?
Speaker 13:
[05:26] Yeah. Your dad, I didn't know that about the man.
Speaker 12:
[05:30] Yeah, well, we never went on vacation as kids because he said we didn't have any money. And then as soon as all the kids graduated high school, all of a sudden there was a brand new race car in the driveway and he bought a yacht.
Speaker 1:
[05:41] So your dad, Les Mohr, was an actual...
Speaker 10:
[05:45] No, it's not his first name, but that'd be...
Speaker 12:
[05:46] Take it back, son of a bitch.
Speaker 1:
[05:48] It'd be great if his first name was Les, that's all.
Speaker 13:
[05:51] Willie T.
Speaker 12:
[05:52] Mohr.
Speaker 10:
[05:52] Willie T.
Speaker 13:
[05:53] Mohr, he went out racing after you guys got out of school.
Speaker 12:
[05:58] I remember walking the track with him and stuff. Yeah. And he knew Paul Newman, he knew Tom Cruise and all those guys and all those... Mike Joy and him are good friends from NASCAR.
Speaker 1:
[06:08] Wow.
Speaker 12:
[06:09] I mean, I hosted the NASCAR Awards seven times.
Speaker 10:
[06:12] Seven times?
Speaker 12:
[06:13] Seven times. Last time didn't go too well because of my drug addiction.
Speaker 1:
[06:18] Oh, yeah.
Speaker 12:
[06:20] I was so dehydrated on Adderall that I needed an IV in the writers room. And in my mind, Adam, I was just showing them what lengths I was willing to go to stay in the fight and put on a good show. The NASCAR executive was walking, they just see a comedian hooked up to an IV, and it looked like what it was, like this guy is an obvious drug addict. And I thought I looked like, you know, Willie Lowman in there, just like a nice blue collar guy from Jersey trying to get his writing on.
Speaker 1:
[06:50] Well, NASCAR really shouldn't judge because obviously its origins are born from running moonshine, right?
Speaker 12:
[06:58] Yeah.
Speaker 1:
[06:58] So, you know, moonshine, 1941, Adderall, 2017. I mean, is there really?
Speaker 12:
[07:08] You could fit a lot more Adderall in a stock car than you can moonshine.
Speaker 1:
[07:11] You could feed an entire village Adderall with what you could get.
Speaker 12:
[07:15] You could use them as shares by the time you got there.
Speaker 1:
[07:18] You, the trunk of that Hudson Hornet could carry so many pills of Adderall. As a matter of fact, I remember the Five and Dime would have that competition. You'd have to guess how many Adderall pills were in the trunk of a Hudson Hornet.
Speaker 12:
[07:31] Bring me in. I'll guess it to the dot.
Speaker 1:
[07:35] So your dad raced.
Speaker 13:
[07:36] I did not. I did not know that.
Speaker 12:
[07:38] Don't you remember me and Danica Patrick? It was on the news that I don't like women because I roasted her at the NASCAR Awards. I said, Danica, she was sitting right there. I go, Danica, I hope you're not uncomfortable tonight. I know you're not used to sitting in the front. And they just did a cutaway of her mean mugging me.
Speaker 10:
[07:56] Oh, that's a good joke.
Speaker 12:
[07:58] It was a great joke. I made fun of Jimmy Johnson's stupid face for 10 minutes. Nothing. No joke about a woman.
Speaker 1:
[08:05] I like all those car shield commercials she does.
Speaker 10:
[08:09] Her inevitably ice cube or ice tea.
Speaker 1:
[08:15] You know, they sit around and they go, do you have a car with more than 7 million miles on it? Engine replacement can be $4,100. And then they show poor people talking about getting a free transmission. I don't know. Maybe that stuff's smart. Maybe we should all sign up for it.
Speaker 12:
[08:34] Yeah. And what's the deal with the reverse mortgage? Like, that's always on during the day. Because, you know, I don't work. I just lay around and take naps all day. Yeah. It's always like Joe Namath. I don't know when his ears got to be the size of radar dishes. No, no.
Speaker 1:
[08:47] His ears stayed the same. His face got narrower.
Speaker 12:
[08:50] Oh, yeah, yeah. You know, that's...
Speaker 10:
[08:52] He looks like an angel fish now.
Speaker 12:
[08:54] Yeah. I can't believe he got AIDS.
Speaker 1:
[08:57] No, listen. Tom Selleck's greatest role is selling a non-reverse mortgage.
Speaker 12:
[09:06] Oh, I thought it was reverse mortgage.
Speaker 1:
[09:08] I don't know what it is, but it's Tom Selleck's greatest role.
Speaker 12:
[09:12] And how about Penn Life Insurance?
Speaker 1:
[09:14] Oh, yeah.
Speaker 12:
[09:15] That's a big one too.
Speaker 1:
[09:18] If you watch enough Fox, everything is for either life insurance, reverse mortgages, or some kind of fungus, which I guess awaits all of us one day.
Speaker 12:
[09:29] Or moderate to severe psoriasis.
Speaker 13:
[09:32] Yeah, the heartbreak of psoriasis.
Speaker 12:
[09:34] And they all have show tunes.
Speaker 1:
[09:44] I do love it when they're doing a Bunsby Berkeley thing on a softball field.
Speaker 11:
[09:48] It's like, what's this guy to do with vaginal dryness?
Speaker 10:
[09:53] One of the many side effects.
Speaker 12:
[09:56] And in rare cases, death.
Speaker 1:
[09:59] Can we do, listen, I'm not good friends with Robert Kennedy Jr., but I do have his phone number.
Speaker 14:
[10:07] We should call him.
Speaker 10:
[10:09] I should call him.
Speaker 14:
[10:10] He's your head in time.
Speaker 12:
[10:11] I meant to hear you said you call me head in time.
Speaker 1:
[10:14] Can we, hold on, Robert, let me pitch this to you.
Speaker 14:
[10:18] I'm all ears.
Speaker 1:
[10:20] You're getting the vaccine schedule looked at. You've turned the pyramid, the food pyramid upside down. You're getting red dye number 17 out of the Cheetos. Could you do America this favor? Because I know you don't want to allow pharmaceutical advertisements on TV. Like they do in Europe, right?
Speaker 10:
[10:41] They don't, we shouldn't allow it.
Speaker 1:
[10:43] But listen, here's what I would say, because I know Pfizer and Upjohn and all these, Lily, all these pharmaceutical companies have pretty powerful lobbies, right? I'll meet you halfway. You can advertise your pharmaceuticals on TV, but no more warnings about the side effects. It's going to be 60 seconds of people dancing on a softball field. And then at the end, you go talk to your fucking doctor.
Speaker 10:
[11:15] That's it. Not talk to your doctor. And here's what you guys might talk about.
Speaker 15:
[11:21] Just talk to your doctor.
Speaker 10:
[11:23] Because they say, talk to your doctor.
Speaker 1:
[11:25] And then they start talking about rectal bleeding.
Speaker 12:
[11:29] Yeah.
Speaker 1:
[11:29] And I'm trying to eat.
Speaker 12:
[11:30] I'm sorry. Yeah.
Speaker 1:
[11:32] I mean, yeah. Just go and talk to your doctor. Like it always drove me nuts when they had all those wonder cleaning things, you know, the sprays, you know.
Speaker 10:
[11:41] Remember when you're a kid, they go, works on RVs, works on boats, works on households.
Speaker 1:
[11:46] And then they go, works on anything. We'll just put that at the beginning. We don't need to go through all the specifics it works on.
Speaker 10:
[11:54] It said worked on him. Talk to your doctor.
Speaker 1:
[11:57] Done.
Speaker 12:
[11:58] And make sure you take a cold plunge wearing loose jeans. How about this? Why don't we get a guy like Chuck, somebody on your staff, and have them sign up for the reverse mortgage, have them get depend life insurance. Just send one guy through that never ending buzzsaw. Like somebody has to do it. We have to know what this all is.
Speaker 1:
[12:18] I like the commercial where the old lady is sitting upstairs and there's a gold mine underneath her house.
Speaker 14:
[12:27] Wake up, bitch.
Speaker 1:
[12:29] You've got equity. And she's sitting in her computer going, What was that? There's guys mining for gold underneath. They never show the other part of the commercial where a giant sinkhole opens up and the house collapses into it.
Speaker 14:
[12:44] Sinkholes are on my agenda.
Speaker 11:
[12:48] Gold plunges with blue teeth.
Speaker 14:
[12:51] What happened to that guy?
Speaker 12:
[12:52] By the way, his sister was interviewed on CNN and she has the exact same voice. They're like, your brother, RFK Jr. She's like, don't get me started.
Speaker 11:
[13:02] Really?
Speaker 12:
[13:03] Yeah, like the whole family, like I don't know, they got a tube to breathe through.
Speaker 14:
[13:08] I don't know.
Speaker 12:
[13:09] Yeah, I could have come up with a better joke than that.
Speaker 14:
[13:11] The whole family got karate chopped in the throat.
Speaker 11:
[13:14] They all got a trach.
Speaker 1:
[13:16] Oh, you guys, I don't know why this reminded me of the trach thing, but when I used to do Crank Yankers, the TV show, thank you, thank you. Once in a while, you'd be making a prank call and the person was so angry that they would never sign off and you could never use it. And the only time I had a guy on the other line go insane and threaten to kill me, over the phone was, I was doing a prank call.
Speaker 10:
[13:51] I was Mr. Birchham and thank you.
Speaker 1:
[13:56] Mr. Birchham had a morbidly obese wife, right? And I worked out this whole scenario where she was going to get the gastric bypass surgery which insurance would cover. But insurance would not cover the ambulance drive from my house to the hospital for her to get the surgery. And even though it was only like six miles away, that was going to be like $4,400.
Speaker 10:
[14:22] So I was calling moving companies, asking if they had a steak bed that we could get my wife in, you know?
Speaker 1:
[14:30] And I was saying, listen, I'll take her out, I'll take the bay window out of the living room, I can drive a forklift, I'll get her on that stick, I'll get her on that flatbed and I'll flag her for any parts hanging over, you know? And all you got to do is drive six miles, you get 500 bucks, you know? And most of the guys I was talking to were kind of buying it, like, all right, I get it, I get it, you don't want to pay 4,400 to an ambulance? And I told her, I told him I would, if I hit her with a cocktail of like, Robitussin and Nyquil, she'd go under and we could make her docile, we could move her and I'd wrap her with, I'd ask if they had bubble wrap or padding blankets or something, you know, make her comfortable. And they were kind of going along with it, but one guy I could tell was making fun of my fat wife with his buddy at work. So he was like, she's 700 pounds?
Speaker 13:
[15:26] 700 pounds, dude.
Speaker 15:
[15:27] Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1:
[15:28] Do you want to move her with a truck?
Speaker 10:
[15:30] Yeah.
Speaker 1:
[15:30] And I realized, my character realized and I said, I got really indignant.
Speaker 13:
[15:36] And I said, excuse me, but I'd prefer you not to make fun of my wife.
Speaker 15:
[15:41] She has a disease.
Speaker 1:
[15:43] She is morbidly obese.
Speaker 10:
[15:45] That is a disease and you are making fun of her.
Speaker 1:
[15:48] And I'd appreciate it if you could reel it in a little. And the guy got back on his heels and he goes, no, no, no, no, no, no, listen, I get it. I get it. I have a five year old son who, who breezed through a tray coal. So I understand the disability. And I said, well, first off, your son brought that on himself. He was a smoker. My life is innocent. This guy just yelled, I'm going to kill you wherever you are, wherever you are.
Speaker 10:
[16:18] I'm going to find you and I'm going to kill you.
Speaker 12:
[16:21] That's amazing. What did Merchant offer to pay the moving company instead of in lieu of the $4,400 for the ambulance?
Speaker 1:
[16:29] It was, you know, like $400, $500 bucks in Quiznos. You know, like, I mean, this was a scenario that made sense to me. The ambulance would charge X amount moving. You could do it for $300, $400 bucks. No problemo. And I'm bringing lunch. And I had guys agreeing to do it.
Speaker 12:
[16:50] We used to watch in New York, they had public access. They had it here at LA too. But public access TV, you know, like Wally George was on it here and stuff. Yeah. And they had these two guys talking sports. It was a big fat guy and a little guy. Me and my roommate are stalled out of our heads watching this live and you could call in and I called in. I'm like, hey, it's Mike and Queens. They're like, hey, what can we do for you? And I go, I was just wondering where you got your shirt. And the big fat guy goes, oh, all my clothing's from. I go, no, no, no, you're the little guy. He goes, I don't know. I go, because I thought maybe you blew a gay guy for it. And the guy in real time looks into the camera and goes, your mother got me this shirt, you mother f***.
Speaker 11:
[17:30] Like, he's going crazy.
Speaker 12:
[17:32] We're like ripping bong and it's like, ahh. We gotta bring back live, live public access TV.
Speaker 1:
[17:42] I used to do a show out of Eagle Rock public TV. Does anyone go that far back? So I used to do a Saturday show called like, Ask Mr. Builder Guy or something. It was like home improvement with some comedy. And I'd do it live out of the Eagle Rock Studios. And I saw one of the old tapes recently. The phone number at the end, like call, it's just my home phone number in my apartment in Santa Monica. That, so that time I would just call.
Speaker 10:
[18:21] We'd just take live phone calls and it would just, most of them were just guys.
Speaker 1:
[18:27] I'd pick up the phone and go, hey, what can I help you with? What's your home improvement question?
Speaker 10:
[18:31] And that is your fuck, like I think the record's like 27 before we hung up on them.
Speaker 1:
[18:39] And then, but that tape, weirdly, a couple years later I met Jimmy over at K-Rock. And Jimmy was sort of like, you seem funny, but is there any tape of you doing anything? He was picturing, you know, tonight at the improv or something like that. I said, the only tape I have is this public access thing where there's a potted plant and a guy yells fuck 28 times. And he said, let me check out that tape.
Speaker 13:
[19:14] And I was like, all right, it's just a public access or whatever.
Speaker 1:
[19:17] But I showed him that tape must have been 1994. And he was like, it's good. Like, I get it.
Speaker 10:
[19:26] I get what you do.
Speaker 1:
[19:27] And then sort of went to work, get me on K-Rock after that, which is huge if you're from this neck of the woods, right? Yeah, hopefully we'll have that doc coming out pretty soon.
Speaker 12:
[19:44] What was your first gig at K-Rock? You were the sports guy, the weather guy, the traffic guy?
Speaker 1:
[19:48] I was Mr. Burcham, the home improvement guy. I was, Jimmy, I trained him to fight Michael the Maintenance Man in a boxing match, and then he was trying to get me on the radio, but he didn't have a lot of pull. And they said, he said, what do you do?
Speaker 13:
[20:12] And I said, I just hang around at Crack Wise. And he said, well, we don't need that, because that's what Kevin and Bean do.
Speaker 1:
[20:19] So you're going to have to come up with a character. And I said, I don't really do characters. And he said, well, you better figure it out, and then call in Monday. So that's when I figured out Mr. Burcham. Mr. Burcham taught remedial wood at Louis Pasteur middle school in Monrovia. And I worked out a whole life.
Speaker 13:
[20:41] His dog was named Saw Buck.
Speaker 1:
[20:44] He had the fat wife, Nick Higgins Stoller was his only student he liked.
Speaker 15:
[20:50] He hated every other, every other student in his wood shop.
Speaker 12:
[20:54] You'd be good like as a spy, as a spook, like with the cover story. If you remember.
Speaker 1:
[20:58] Oh, I even found out, you know where Mr. Burcham was from? Plenty Wood, Montana.
Speaker 12:
[21:04] Plenty Wood.
Speaker 10:
[21:05] I went and found it on a map.
Speaker 1:
[21:08] There's a place called Plenty Wood, Montana. And that's where Burcham hailed from because he loved woodworking so much.
Speaker 12:
[21:16] I was going to go Wilkes Bar, but we'll go Plenty Wood.
Speaker 1:
[21:19] Well, you know, before the smartphones and everything with you kids, you had to get out an almanac and look at stuff. Like it was crazy, right?
Speaker 12:
[21:29] Everybody had a big bush.
Speaker 1:
[21:32] Everyone had a big bush and a Thomas guy.
Speaker 12:
[21:35] Even guys now don't have it.
Speaker 1:
[21:37] Guys, no.
Speaker 12:
[21:38] You got a manscape.
Speaker 13:
[21:39] Yeah, no bush.
Speaker 1:
[21:41] It's got to be rough being a crab these days. You know what I mean?
Speaker 10:
[21:46] These are lean years for the pubic lice.
Speaker 12:
[21:49] You got to go straight eyebrows.
Speaker 14:
[21:51] Yeah.
Speaker 12:
[21:53] That's like pan house to crabs.
Speaker 14:
[21:54] Yeah.
Speaker 12:
[21:56] Way better view.
Speaker 10:
[21:58] I bet Japan doesn't have much of a crab issue.
Speaker 1:
[22:02] They're very tiny and they're hairless.
Speaker 12:
[22:04] And who has the worst crab?
Speaker 10:
[22:06] Armenia.
Speaker 13:
[22:07] Yeah. The Hermos.
Speaker 1:
[22:09] That's a crab laid nation right there.
Speaker 15:
[22:11] No disrespect.
Speaker 16:
[22:13] No disrespect.
Speaker 13:
[22:14] No.
Speaker 1:
[22:14] Just a nation filled with crabs. All right, Jay.
Speaker 12:
[22:20] What's the guy to woman ratio here? About a thousand to one?
Speaker 3:
[22:23] No.
Speaker 12:
[22:24] You really pack in your demo, don't you?
Speaker 3:
[22:26] Listen. Listen.
Speaker 1:
[22:28] These dudes are salt of the earth.
Speaker 12:
[22:34] That's right.
Speaker 1:
[22:34] When you say salt, I mean raises your blood pressure and almost free.
Speaker 12:
[22:39] Half the room looks like they stormed the Capitol on January 2nd. They want to get there before the traffic.
Speaker 10:
[22:48] Listen, I don't know.
Speaker 1:
[22:51] I know people must make fun of me for caring as much as I do about these old cars and the Japanese cars.
Speaker 10:
[22:57] I think it's great, Ace.
Speaker 12:
[22:58] I mean, it bores me to tears.
Speaker 4:
[23:00] I like it.
Speaker 1:
[23:03] And I will, and I do drive most of them. And it is, you do feel a connection. One thing I forgot to bring up when I was giving one of my 27 tours is there is a good story on this car, a 2 plus 2 turbo V6 300cc.
Speaker 12:
[23:23] I'm going to go to the store. You guys want anything?
Speaker 15:
[23:26] Anyway, it's got a 411 rear end, compression ratios 11 to 1, O-ring heads.
Speaker 1:
[23:35] The headrest in that car is embroidered leather.
Speaker 13:
[23:42] Sorry, I didn't know what you were talking about.
Speaker 1:
[23:43] No, if you look at the headrest in the other cars, it's like just a piece of rubber, it's like a bump stop. That car has a hand-tooled, embroidered leather, red, white, and blue PLN in its initials. It's this car right here, and I recommend at some point you guys pop your head and check it out. But it is embroidered, it's hand-embroidered versus just sort of the bump stop for your helmet made out of plastic. And I talked to Bob Sharp, who built these cars for Paul and was a team, he was a Newman Sharp racing team. And I said to him, I said, Bob, did you make that headrest for Paul?
Speaker 10:
[24:33] Like, how did that get on the car?
Speaker 1:
[24:35] And he said, we wouldn't have done that. Extra time, little extra weight, dudes, they just want to go fast. He said, Joanne Woodward was doing a lot of needle point and like a lot of making belts and leather belts and her and actually deep cut Sam Posey, who was a famous racer, Sam Posey's wife, and Newman's wife would do a lot of needle work. So, evidently, Joanne made that headrest for Paul to be installed in this car and I know some of you are thinking about running out to your car and grabbing the vice grips and walking away with it.
Speaker 10:
[25:18] If that goddamn thing is missing at the end of the day, we got a ring doorbell camera every four feet in this house.
Speaker 1:
[25:26] But, yeah, that is one of the stories I forgot to tell you about that car and, like I said, if you want to see footage of these cars driving with either me or Newman, it's on the internet. Jay, I haven't fully exploited you doing different voices up here, and I was thinking, what would it sound like if Norm MacDonald just won the Indy 500?
Speaker 10:
[25:57] I was interviewing him, Norm.
Speaker 14:
[26:00] Oh my God, that took forever.
Speaker 10:
[26:03] Yeah, now you're driving for Pinsky this year.
Speaker 12:
[26:07] I am?
Speaker 10:
[26:08] Yeah, Norm, come on, it's on the side of the car.
Speaker 12:
[26:11] I don't know, I'll tell you that, Pinsky, that Roger Pinsky guy, you know. I go, hey, I got an idea, seat coolers.
Speaker 1:
[26:20] Norm's a lot of weight, it's a lot of weight for a race car.
Speaker 12:
[26:22] You know what's a lot of weight is the salmon swimming up the crack of my arse right now.
Speaker 10:
[26:29] You just won the Indy 500, I mean a race that's a hundred years old.
Speaker 1:
[26:34] It's historic, it's absolutely amazing.
Speaker 13:
[26:38] You put the car on the pole.
Speaker 12:
[26:39] Secret Adam, I'm an old chunk of coal, and well that, it's no brickyard, but I'll tell you, I enjoy crossing that finish line and knowing that everyone behind me lost.
Speaker 1:
[26:53] Oh yeah, it smells good.
Speaker 12:
[26:55] Yeah, I'm the only guy that didn't lose. All the 30 guys start that race. You know what's funny? Every guy, they're sitting in their cars there, you know, and they'll go, I got a real shot to win this, you know.
Speaker 14:
[27:09] Ah, I've trained my whole life.
Speaker 12:
[27:11] Yeah, and then they'll lose, huh? Yeah.
Speaker 1:
[27:14] Now, what would it sound like if Joe Pesci won the 500?
Speaker 14:
[27:19] Joe Pesci? How the? I wouldn't have, hey, I'm waiting to put the phone book for me to sit on, you stuttering prick, yeah?
Speaker 1:
[27:28] I'm saying, you're set, you got pole position, you led almost the entire race, Joe.
Speaker 14:
[27:33] I'm like, with that big titted animal, with my big thing of milk, you know, what the, you prick, yeah?
Speaker 10:
[27:40] Yeah, it's tradition, you gotta drink the milk.
Speaker 14:
[27:42] All right, I'm all right. Yeah. I should have thought this out a little bit before. You got all dated, organizer thoughts here. I'm sitting here all by myself trying to do Joe Patrick at the finish line. What's the goddamn flag that says there's one world I have to go? I can't even see her over the goddamn steering wheel. I gotta sit on a phone book and everything, Henry. I'm trying to manage, but Adam would help me out. My pit crew, bunch of jerks, whole pit crew jerks.
Speaker 1:
[28:09] Oh, really? Not good, guys.
Speaker 14:
[28:11] Whole pit crew jerks, whole rats, whole bunch of rats.
Speaker 1:
[28:13] They changed the tires and refueled you in 21 seconds.
Speaker 14:
[28:17] Yeah, two and a four is what I'm talking about.
Speaker 1:
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Speaker 1:
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Speaker 3:
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Speaker 1:
[31:51] What would Harvey Keitel sound like?
Speaker 11:
[31:54] Look, I understand you're going to challenge the results of the race. Don't make any mistake.
Speaker 14:
[32:01] I won the goddamn race. And that's okay.
Speaker 12:
[32:07] Do you guys know who Harvey Keitel is? Well, that makes some noise. Don't spook the thoroughbred.
Speaker 11:
[32:19] Look, I understand you took last place.
Speaker 14:
[32:21] You're super fucking pissed. It's not my fault you got a goddamn barbeque attached to your back bumper.
Speaker 12:
[32:28] You're like peshy sign of...
Speaker 4:
[32:29] Had a little bow.
Speaker 1:
[32:31] I was thinking on the way here about the most specific car song ever, which is shut down by the Beach Boys. And you guys will know it.
Speaker 12:
[32:51] You mean most specific like singing exactly with the car, as opposed to Gary Newman.
Speaker 14:
[32:55] You're in my car.
Speaker 13:
[32:57] Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 12:
[32:58] Just I'm in a car.
Speaker 1:
[32:59] Well, so like when you listen to Deep Purple's Highway Star, the lyrics to that song is like, my car goes a million miles an hour, it's got big fat tires and everything.
Speaker 10:
[33:12] Like it's not very specific.
Speaker 1:
[33:14] Big fat tires doesn't, it's not really racing terminology.
Speaker 10:
[33:17] They're British.
Speaker 13:
[33:19] So they're already on the wrong side of the road.
Speaker 1:
[33:22] But the Beach Boys, Tack It Up. You guys know the song? I mean, it's shut down. You know the one? No. Tack It Up, Tack It Up, Buddy Gonna Shut You Down.
Speaker 13:
[33:35] It Happened On The Strip Where The Road Is What? Right.
Speaker 14:
[33:40] Yeah, I'm a fuel-injected singer. I ain't no 413.
Speaker 12:
[33:43] Rather than, you know that one, right?
Speaker 1:
[33:46] I thought, if I read you those lyrics, would you know what they meant? Would Jay Mohr know?
Speaker 12:
[33:57] My engine light goes on. I call AAA. I'm an idiot.
Speaker 1:
[34:01] I told Andrew to load up those lyrics.
Speaker 11:
[34:04] Andrew from Philadelphia.
Speaker 10:
[34:06] Andrew from Philadelphia. All right.
Speaker 12:
[34:09] This is the most rested I've ever seen Andrew in my life.
Speaker 10:
[34:13] All right.
Speaker 1:
[34:14] Tack it up, tack it up. Buddy gonna shut you down. It happened on the strip where the road is wide. Two cool shorts standing side by side. My fuel-injected Stingray and a 413.
Speaker 12:
[34:32] Stingray. Stingray is a Corvette.
Speaker 1:
[34:35] Corvette.
Speaker 12:
[34:36] And it's fuel-injected, which means it's not running out of fuel.
Speaker 1:
[34:39] And what about in the 413?
Speaker 12:
[34:42] That's the size of the engine.
Speaker 13:
[34:43] Oh, that's good.
Speaker 1:
[34:45] We know what kind of car it is.
Speaker 12:
[34:47] Cubic engine, 413.
Speaker 13:
[34:48] Yeah, that's good. 413.
Speaker 12:
[34:50] It's a Chevrolet.
Speaker 13:
[34:51] Max Wedge Dodge.
Speaker 12:
[34:53] Dodge Corvette?
Speaker 1:
[34:54] No, no. It's his fuel-injected Stingray and a 413.
Speaker 12:
[35:00] Oh, I missed that part.
Speaker 10:
[35:01] It's the Dodge start going against the Corvette, right?
Speaker 1:
[35:06] Reving up the engines and it sounds really good.
Speaker 12:
[35:07] That means you're hitting the gas. That means you're hitting the gas pedal.
Speaker 1:
[35:11] Yes, revving up the engine.
Speaker 10:
[35:13] You got it.
Speaker 1:
[35:14] All right.
Speaker 10:
[35:17] Tack it up.
Speaker 1:
[35:18] You know what tack it up means?
Speaker 10:
[35:19] T or P?
Speaker 1:
[35:20] Tack?
Speaker 10:
[35:20] Tack with a T.
Speaker 12:
[35:22] No.
Speaker 1:
[35:23] Tachometer. Oh.
Speaker 10:
[35:25] Rev it up.
Speaker 12:
[35:26] Okay.
Speaker 1:
[35:26] Tachometer, right? All right. Buddy going to shut you down. Declining numbers and an even rate. At the count of one, we both accelerate.
Speaker 12:
[35:38] Is that the tree?
Speaker 10:
[35:39] The Christmas tree.
Speaker 12:
[35:40] Yeah, okay.
Speaker 10:
[35:41] All right. We got that.
Speaker 12:
[35:42] I'm doing all right.
Speaker 1:
[35:42] Doing all right. My stingray is light.
Speaker 10:
[35:49] The slicks are starting to spin.
Speaker 12:
[35:52] That's his tires.
Speaker 13:
[35:53] Right.
Speaker 1:
[35:53] But the 413 is really digging in.
Speaker 12:
[35:57] That's the other car.
Speaker 13:
[35:58] That's the other car. That's the Dodge.
Speaker 1:
[36:00] That's the Dodge Darb with the max wedge engine in it. Super stock Dodge is widened out and low, but my fuel injected stingray is really starting to go. To get the traction, I'm going to ride in the clutch. My pressure plate is burning.
Speaker 10:
[36:17] That machine is too much.
Speaker 12:
[36:19] He's going to a lower gear to get better traction.
Speaker 1:
[36:23] No. No, no. To get the traction, he's riding the clutch.
Speaker 10:
[36:27] So he doesn't dump the clutch and spin. He's nursing the clutch.
Speaker 12:
[36:32] Kind of like a skip barber heel toe racing.
Speaker 1:
[36:34] Oh, we pulled a skip barber reference out. He's a riding the clutch, his pressure plates burn, and that machine's too much.
Speaker 12:
[36:48] No idea.
Speaker 1:
[36:49] The clutch is the actual disc, and the pressure plate is what you engage and disengage with your foot. So when your foot's all the way off, the pressure plate is engaged.
Speaker 10:
[37:00] When you push it in, it disengages.
Speaker 1:
[37:02] If you're riding it, it's spinning on the pressure plate and burning it up.
Speaker 12:
[37:07] Okay.
Speaker 15:
[37:07] Hot clutch talk.
Speaker 1:
[37:09] Come on, ladies. You know you love it.
Speaker 12:
[37:12] All right. I can hear the vaginas drying right now.
Speaker 15:
[37:20] Pedals to the floor.
Speaker 12:
[37:24] Is there a woman here that knows what's happening?
Speaker 3:
[37:28] One, two, three, four.
Speaker 12:
[37:33] I asked earlier, you to put your hands up. You don't get to hop in late if you're a chicken.
Speaker 1:
[37:37] You gotta love the Beach Boys, because this wasn't a song. It was a Chilton's Guide. It was like literally a manual to rebuild a car in their song.
Speaker 10:
[37:47] Now it's all this wet ass pussy talk.
Speaker 1:
[37:51] Well, I mean, come on. We've come a long way from burning up pressure plates to whop or whap or whatever that was.
Speaker 12:
[37:57] Dennis Wilson is the only Beach Boy that actually surfed. So which of the Beach Boys do you think actually raced?
Speaker 1:
[38:04] Oh, I don't think any of them did.
Speaker 12:
[38:08] But did they write it? Because that's so specific.
Speaker 1:
[38:10] Well, there's more. Now, you guys know.
Speaker 12:
[38:13] Great.
Speaker 1:
[38:17] Dennis Wilson was buried at sea.
Speaker 13:
[38:19] We've talked about this.
Speaker 12:
[38:21] Yeah.
Speaker 1:
[38:22] But buried at sea doesn't mean your ash is scattered to the sea. It means you are dumped in the ocean.
Speaker 13:
[38:30] You guys know that?
Speaker 1:
[38:31] And you know it's illegal to bury someone at sea who was not in the Navy or part of the Coast Guard or whatever. And he wanted to be buried at sea, which is weird because he died by burying himself at sea. But he literally drowned and then they pulled him back up and they were like, oh, now we want to bury you back where we pulled you back up from.
Speaker 10:
[38:57] Like I could have saved him a step, you know what I mean?
Speaker 1:
[39:00] But it's illegal to bury someone at sea who wasn't in the Coast Guard. And he got a letter from Ronald Reagan saying, Dear Dennis.
Speaker 10:
[39:14] And like, Ronald, it's not to Dennis.
Speaker 13:
[39:17] Well, it's not to Dennis.
Speaker 10:
[39:21] Dennis is dead.
Speaker 11:
[39:22] Would you like a jelly bean ad?
Speaker 13:
[39:24] Yeah, no, we can get some Mike and Ikes.
Speaker 1:
[39:26] We just need a piece of paper that says it's OK. You know the Beach Boys, right?
Speaker 12:
[39:31] Oh, I sure do.
Speaker 1:
[39:33] OK, so you know that song, Shut Down, with the pressure plates burning?
Speaker 14:
[39:39] He rides the clutch.
Speaker 1:
[39:40] He's riding the clutch.
Speaker 14:
[39:41] All right.
Speaker 12:
[39:42] Like Hyrule, Gorbachev.
Speaker 1:
[39:44] That's why he's the great communicator.
Speaker 10:
[39:48] He knows everything.
Speaker 1:
[39:49] The guy who wrote that song was in the Beach Boys.
Speaker 14:
[39:55] Dennis Wilson.
Speaker 1:
[39:57] Dennis Wilson.
Speaker 12:
[39:58] I sure like eggs.
Speaker 10:
[40:00] You like eggs?
Speaker 12:
[40:01] Are we doing like 88 ringing?
Speaker 14:
[40:03] Yeah.
Speaker 1:
[40:03] We need you to just sign a quick note saying we can bury him at sea, Ronald.
Speaker 12:
[40:08] Just hand it to him like a kid's menu. They get them early games.
Speaker 14:
[40:12] Yeah.
Speaker 12:
[40:13] So let me ask you this. Why is it illegal to be buried at sea?
Speaker 10:
[40:17] I just-
Speaker 12:
[40:18] Not ashes. That's legal.
Speaker 1:
[40:20] We are weirdly, we're pretty heavily regulated in the corpse department. You know what I mean? Because if you think about it, civilization was a billion years of literally just burying people wherever they died. You know what I mean? It's like you died on a trail, you got buried on a trail, or you got left on a trail.
Speaker 10:
[40:43] And everyone just sort of took care of their own, right?
Speaker 1:
[40:46] And it was totally unregulated. And then at some point, big funeral got involved. Big funeral.
Speaker 10:
[40:55] That's right.
Speaker 12:
[40:55] It's quite a lobby.
Speaker 1:
[40:57] They got involved. And the next thing you know, I paid $13,000 for my father-in-law's casket.
Speaker 11:
[41:08] Jesus Christ.
Speaker 10:
[41:09] I know.
Speaker 12:
[41:10] No, is that your father-in-law?
Speaker 10:
[41:11] Jesus Christ.
Speaker 11:
[41:12] Yes.
Speaker 1:
[41:14] It's one thing to say, take $13,000 and just throw it in a hole in the ground, but that's literally what I did.
Speaker 12:
[41:24] Who still wants to be buried in a cemetery? That seems so, like that's my biggest fear, like claustrophobia. By the way, when you drive by a cemetery, no one living is in it. Every stone you see in there was two days of people like, oh my God, I'm never going to get over it. They get over it.
Speaker 7:
[41:49] Yeah.
Speaker 12:
[41:49] Nobody goes to visit.
Speaker 1:
[41:50] No, no, I mean.
Speaker 12:
[41:52] Italians, Italians go.
Speaker 1:
[41:54] Italians and, you know, saving private ride.
Speaker 12:
[41:58] Yeah.
Speaker 15:
[41:59] They go.
Speaker 12:
[42:00] I want to be cremated. I told my wife, put me in an urn, I pulled my stones and just put me next to the TV because that's all I want to do is watch TV. Any turn, I think that's a Leonard Cohen lyric.
Speaker 15:
[42:12] Where you could watch TV.
Speaker 17:
[42:13] Huh?
Speaker 1:
[42:14] You want to be positioned so you can see the screen or above the screen on the mantle.
Speaker 12:
[42:18] I just want to be with the family as they watch the shows.
Speaker 17:
[42:21] Yeah.
Speaker 1:
[42:23] Do you want to be that close? Because you know they're going to start shit talking moments after you die.
Speaker 17:
[42:28] Right?
Speaker 10:
[42:29] I'd give his peshy a five, honestly.
Speaker 17:
[42:32] Today, yeah.
Speaker 10:
[42:33] Maybe a six on a good day.
Speaker 13:
[42:36] But it wasn't what you called it.
Speaker 14:
[42:37] What the fuck? Do you get your balls big enough not to get my Joe Pitchy a pile of bricks?
Speaker 13:
[42:41] Jay's fine.
Speaker 10:
[42:42] He's not rich a little. Let's be honest.
Speaker 13:
[42:44] Let's be honest.
Speaker 12:
[42:45] I would haunt the shit out of my family. For real. I'd haunt. Oh, I would fart in my son's bedrooms. Oh, yeah. How great is that to have sons? You just open their bedroom door, just close the door.
Speaker 1:
[42:58] Yeah. Why?
Speaker 12:
[43:00] That's what you hear in my house all day.
Speaker 11:
[43:01] Why?
Speaker 1:
[43:02] The ghost hunters always find a cold spot in the house where the ghost is. It's never improper insulation.
Speaker 11:
[43:10] Those guys are so full of shit.
Speaker 10:
[43:12] It's never like a door sweep on this door. The cold's getting in.
Speaker 13:
[43:16] It's always a ghost. You know what I mean?
Speaker 12:
[43:18] They're so full of shit. And I believe in ghosts, but those guys are bullshit artists. Like, listen to the recording. You can clearly hear the ghost say, go outside and step in front of traffic and die. Listen carefully. No, listen, this is proof that the place saw it. The ghost says, go outside and stand in front of traffic so you die. Listen carefully. You're like, that sounded like me. And then they slow it down.
Speaker 1:
[43:43] Slow it down.
Speaker 10:
[43:45] Yeah.
Speaker 1:
[43:46] But look, I took this infrared camera and you can see cool zones over here next to the window that's open.
Speaker 10:
[43:54] And then warmer zones next to the radiator heater on the other side of the room.
Speaker 1:
[43:59] And there's another cool zone in the refrigerator.
Speaker 10:
[44:03] Yeah.
Speaker 13:
[44:03] Okay.
Speaker 12:
[44:05] You ever see that thing they do where they got like AI, like stick figure dancing around on the screen where the ghost is supposed to be? Like you're sitting in a chair and right next to you, it's like, it's like, you're like, oh my God, it's right next to you. It's just like ragdoll, that little cutie.
Speaker 1:
[44:19] Also, it's always weird that we're haunted by either an old woman or a young girl who lost her dolly, which if you think about it, I could sleep through that. Like if somebody said, hey, Adam, there's a seven year old girl who lost her dolly, I'd be like, well, we'll talk about it in the morning. But they never really haunt, you know, if they really wanted to steal fear in you, it'd be like, you know who's haunting my house? A gay longshoreman.
Speaker 12:
[44:53] Yeah.
Speaker 10:
[44:54] And he's a top.
Speaker 15:
[44:56] And I'm a belly sleeper.
Speaker 10:
[44:58] And this is a situation that needs to be dealt with now. The girl lost her dolly, she could wander through my attic for as long as she fucking wants. This gay longshoreman, who's a power top, this needs to be addressed.
Speaker 12:
[45:14] You just hear down the hallway, whoo.
Speaker 15:
[45:20] He sounds like Paul Lin.
Speaker 11:
[45:22] Yeah.
Speaker 12:
[45:23] Are you really a belly sleeper?
Speaker 1:
[45:25] I'm a belly sleeper.
Speaker 11:
[45:26] How do you breathe?
Speaker 1:
[45:28] You know, I turn my head, it's so sad, but when I was a kid, my mom who was a hippie, and my mom had all those 70s hippie thoughts, like if you sit too close to the TV, you'll get radiated, or if you use a microwave, you'll get cancer, or if you fucking make your kid a sandwich, you'll die.
Speaker 15:
[45:51] You know, all those tropes from the 70s? If you hug your son, he'll turn to ash. She read somewhere in between Yul Givis telling her to eat a pine cone. Oh yeah. You don't remember Yul Givis? This one does. Yul Givis was for Grape Nuts, and he was a naturalist. By the way, the thing that's always funny about Jimmy Fixx, the long distance runner, part of Yul Givis, a naturalist, these dudes just never saw their second birthday. He claims they're just smoking a cigarette and drinking a pint right now somewhere, and he's 85, right? So, screw it. Now, he used to tell you many parts of the pine cone are edible. And my mom listened. My mom picked candy lines from the backyard and boiled them.
Speaker 10:
[46:51] We had weeds.
Speaker 15:
[46:55] So, my mom heard that a pillow was bad for your neck, and it screwed up your posture or something.
Speaker 1:
[47:02] So, she took my pillow and I then simulated my pillow by using my arms.
Speaker 15:
[47:09] So, she took the pillow and I just put my arms under my head, and I slept on my arms.
Speaker 12:
[47:15] And then you got raped by a ghost.
Speaker 10:
[47:16] And then I was raped by a longshoreman who lost his dolly.
Speaker 12:
[47:21] No, you were his dolly.
Speaker 1:
[47:22] I became his dolly.
Speaker 10:
[47:27] All right, back to shut down. There's more. Pedals to the floor. You're the dual quad drink.
Speaker 12:
[47:37] That is a hotel in Milwaukee.
Speaker 15:
[47:40] All right.
Speaker 1:
[47:42] And now, the 413 lead is starting to shrink. He's hot with ram induction, but it's understood I got a fuel-jected engine sitting under my hood.
Speaker 12:
[47:56] I got a little ram induction tonight when I get home.
Speaker 15:
[47:59] Oh, yeah?
Speaker 12:
[48:01] Hopin.
Speaker 1:
[48:01] Tell that to the longshoreman.
Speaker 10:
[48:05] Cross ram...
Speaker 1:
[48:07] Quad ram induction is the max wedge 413 with two four-barrel carburetors downdraft.
Speaker 12:
[48:14] This all sounds like gay porn to me. Say exactly what you just said and imagine it's gay guys in a bar talking.
Speaker 1:
[48:23] The 413 has quad ram induction, which is a four-barrel Holley double-pumper and downdraft.
Speaker 12:
[48:33] A dump?
Speaker 1:
[48:34] Double-pumper downdraft.
Speaker 12:
[48:35] Double-pumper.
Speaker 1:
[48:36] Double-pumper.
Speaker 13:
[48:38] All right, one more voice out of you.
Speaker 1:
[48:44] What if, let's see, what if Christopher Walken won the Indy 500?
Speaker 12:
[48:52] Well, I can't wait to make my jump to NASCAR. You can't live with these kinds of cars your whole life. At some point, you have to sell out to corporate. Yeah, but it was a good race. I put my foot on the gas pedal more often than they did.
Speaker 10:
[49:13] Yeah, see, Christopher, they, Chris, yeah, of course, they normally just say NASCAR.
Speaker 12:
[49:21] They don't go NAS, well, it depends on where you're from, you know, but we got a big secret out there on the track that no one else has, you know.
Speaker 10:
[49:39] No brake.
Speaker 12:
[49:39] No brake.
Speaker 15:
[49:40] Just the gas.
Speaker 12:
[49:41] No brake.
Speaker 10:
[49:42] No brake?
Speaker 12:
[49:43] There's no brake.
Speaker 15:
[49:44] And so just the gas.
Speaker 12:
[49:46] Just gas, no brakes. Uh-huh.
Speaker 15:
[49:48] So there's no brakes.
Speaker 10:
[49:49] Okay, I know, don't get violent, but that's the key.
Speaker 12:
[49:52] That's why we win all the time.
Speaker 10:
[49:54] The key for you is never slowing the car down.
Speaker 12:
[49:58] If I slow down, it's because I took my foot off the gas for a nanosecond.
Speaker 1:
[50:03] Just a part of a second.
Speaker 12:
[50:05] An eyelash.
Speaker 1:
[50:06] Just an eyelash.
Speaker 10:
[50:07] A whisper. A whisper. Okay.
Speaker 1:
[50:09] So you're saying no brake?
Speaker 12:
[50:11] No brakes.
Speaker 1:
[50:12] Steering wheel, right?
Speaker 12:
[50:14] Everything's right off the line. Classic. Except we just took the brake pedal out because they weighed too much. The brake pads gone.
Speaker 1:
[50:24] No pads.
Speaker 12:
[50:25] Nothing.
Speaker 10:
[50:26] You run a disc or drums?
Speaker 12:
[50:27] No, you don't understand what I'm saying, Mr. Corolla.
Speaker 10:
[50:30] Okay, don't get persnickety.
Speaker 12:
[50:32] There's nothing. There's nothing in that car that will allow you the idea of slowing down. You gotta put your pedal to the metal like the Beach Boys song. Uh-huh.
Speaker 15:
[50:43] So you're saying, Mr. Walken, you just do that big indie oval with never any thought for braking.
Speaker 12:
[50:51] Never a thought.
Speaker 1:
[50:52] And then what happens when you have to pit? You know, how do they slow you down?
Speaker 12:
[50:57] You know, my pit crew is entirely made of bats.
Speaker 15:
[51:02] Bats?
Speaker 12:
[51:03] Bats.
Speaker 15:
[51:04] Two that go long side the car?
Speaker 12:
[51:05] They fly long side the car. I slow it down to about a hundred and four and the bats. I got a special eye thing that I do. I give them the old eyeball and they come flying out of the belfry along side the car. They change out the tires and they go, Oh, this car's got no brakes.
Speaker 10:
[51:25] It sounds almost unbelievable.
Speaker 12:
[51:28] Well, there's more than one way to skin a cat.
Speaker 1:
[51:31] With a bat?
Speaker 12:
[51:33] With a bat? The bats, they're a great...
Speaker 1:
[51:35] You're saying the bats skin the cats?
Speaker 13:
[51:37] No.
Speaker 12:
[51:37] Well, you take it and put it in words in my mouth. This is mainstream media right here.
Speaker 10:
[51:44] You're saying I'm fake news?
Speaker 13:
[51:46] No.
Speaker 12:
[51:47] I said you're mainstream media. You're Adam Carolla, for God's sakes. I'm just saying, my pit crew, it used to be hawks, but the hawks would get distracted. My rodents and certain legumes that they saw growing that looked like a rodent, but the bats, they don't get distracted. They see my car going by and that's why if you look at the side of my car, it just looks like a sordid fruit.
Speaker 1:
[52:12] Chris, we're walking, everybody.
Speaker 12:
[52:15] Thank you.
Speaker 1:
[52:16] Jay Mohr. O'Reilly Auto Parts. Maybe you've heard me talk about O'Reilly. I love this place. There's two that I go to in my neighborhood. Friendly, courteous folks, knowledgeable. If I have a car issue, it's always off to O'Reilly. They've got thousands of parts in stock, either in store or you can go online. So you never have to worry if you're in a jam. They got your back. They also test your battery and they'll do it for free and they'll help you replace it. They'll find you the right size because every car nowadays got its own battery going. So whether you're a car aficionado or an auto novice, you'll see the employees at O'Reilly Auto Parts are helpful and they're friendly. O'Reilly is your one stop shop for all things auto. Do it yourself. It is O'Reilly Auto Parts, right Dawson?
Speaker 3:
[53:15] Stop by O'Reilly Auto Parts today or visit us at oreillyauto.com/adam. That's oreillyauto.com/adam.
Speaker 1:
[53:24] Home Chef. Well, after the holiday chaos, the last thing you want to do is overthink dinner. Home Chef. They've been great for that. Fresh food shows up pre-portioned and the recipes are simple enough that even I won't screw them up. Home Chef makes cooking simple. Fresh food, delivered, easy recipes to follow, and meals that actually taste great. I've had everything from easy sheet pan dinners to heavier cold weather stuff, and it all feels and tastes like real food because it is not Science Project food. Good, hearty food. It's Home Chef, right Dawson?
Speaker 3:
[54:10] For a limited time, Home Chef is offering our listeners 50% off and free shipping for your first box. Plus free dessert for life. Go to homechef.com/acs or Adam. That's homechef.com/acs or Adam. For 50% off your first box and free dessert for life. homechef.com/acs or Adam. Must be an active subscriber to receive free dessert.
Speaker 1:
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Speaker 3:
[55:19] Lucy is the only pouch that delivers long lasting on demand flavor. Get 20% off your first order when you buy online at lucy.co/acs with promo code acs. And if you don't want to wait, check out their store locator to find Lucy near you and grab it today. And here comes the fine print. Lucy products are only for adults of legal age and every customer is age verified. Warning, this product contains nicotine. Nicotine is an addictive chemical. It's time to check Adam's voicemail.
Speaker 9:
[55:55] Adam, this is Dan in Cave Junction, Oregon. I think you might have been a little bit hard on Swalwell because in order to eradicate rape in California, he had to become a rapist.
Speaker 3:
[56:10] You can leave us a message at 888-634-1744.
Speaker 1:
[56:15] Yeah, good point. Rudy's got some news, but since that guy brought up Swalwell, there's a Ted Lieu. You know, but it strikes me. I know this sounds racist, but I don't think it is.
Speaker 6:
[56:33] Hang on. Let me get a pen.
Speaker 1:
[56:35] I don't know. Ted Lieu is Asian and Ro Khanna is Indian and usually two of the smarter breeds. But California politicians are so fucking dumb that even the smart breeds are retarded.
Speaker 3:
[56:52] So dumb, like Padilla.
Speaker 1:
[56:53] They're like, well, yeah, but Mexicans aren't known for their skill behind the chess boards. You know what I'm saying? I'm saying there's plenty of dumb Mexicans. You got to search foreign wide for an Indian and an Asian that are dumb, but we get them here in California. Maybe we convert them to dumb. Maybe it's not their fault. I'm sure their parents are upset. So Ted Lew, like I said, there's corrupt Asians and there's corrupt Indians, but you don't really get the dumb ones. We have, Ted Lew's dumb. I don't know what his heritage is, but it takes you a while to find a really dumb Asian, and he is it. But he didn't know anything about the Swalwell situation. We can play you that clip.
Speaker 6:
[57:39] Convenient.
Speaker 1:
[57:39] Very convenient.
Speaker 7:
[57:40] I had no idea until I read the San Francisco Chronicle article when it was published, and I believe Representative Swalwell did the right thing by resigning.
Speaker 1:
[57:49] Roseanne. What did he say?
Speaker 7:
[57:52] Representative.
Speaker 1:
[57:53] Oh, he was saying representative. Let me hear that again. I thought he said Roseanne Swalwell.
Speaker 7:
[58:01] I had no idea until I read the San Francisco Chronicle article when it was published, and I believe Representative Swalwell did the right thing by resigning.
Speaker 1:
[58:09] He said Roseanne Swalwell, but anyway, Representative. All right, so here's what I want to say. Are you guys ready? Please. These people, and this would be Adam Schiff and Ted Lieu and all the assholes, they all knew Trump was colluding with Russia for four years. That information they got, except for that never happened. So that they were completely aware of. The guy who was sitting next to them and going out to lunch with them, who was a rapist, they knew nothing about that. So they knew what was going on in Russia and Putin. Four years they had, somehow had access to all this information that no one else had access to, but could not discern the rapist amongst them. That sounds fish, it sounds fishy to me. I feel, so you knew about the thing that didn't happen, but you didn't know about the thing that did happen. That, your sleuthing skills are pretty, pretty weak. Oh, here's, here's, not Swalwell, sorry, Adam Schiff.
Speaker 17:
[59:17] Do you still have questions about who knew what when about his behavior?
Speaker 5:
[59:23] Well, I don't know what others may have known. I can tell you that I certainly didn't know that he was involved in any conduct along the lines of what is planned. Right, but you knew all about Russia.
Speaker 1:
[59:31] You knew all about Russia. Every week, there was a new bombshell that was going to burst about Russia and you, and you knew all of it, but you don't know anything about your buddy who's a rapist. Stateside, you don't have to go all the way to Russia for that information. Oh, that's interesting. What else do you know about and not know about, and what's coming next, and what shall we listen to you about? Next time you tell us, I know about something, how should we absorb that? Hmm, fucking lying douchebag. And by the way, what else don't you know?
Speaker 6:
[60:07] Yeah.
Speaker 1:
[60:07] Okay, well, I'm glad you're in charge. You seem to have some sort of crystal ball.
Speaker 6:
[60:12] Yeah, these are the guys that cried wolf way too many times, and it's starting to come back and bite him in the ass a little bit. So.
Speaker 1:
[60:19] Right.
Speaker 6:
[60:19] Yeah.
Speaker 1:
[60:20] Yes.
Speaker 3:
[60:20] Not enough, though.
Speaker 6:
[60:21] Yeah.
Speaker 1:
[60:21] Unaware.
Speaker 10:
[60:23] He was unaware.
Speaker 1:
[60:24] This is the definition of stupid or liar.
Speaker 3:
[60:27] Yes.
Speaker 1:
[60:27] He's either fucking stupid, and I don't think he is, or he's lying, but he was also lying about Russia, too. I don't know what happened four years of you got a bunch of information. Where is it? What's going on? And by the way, hey, news outlets, would you do your fucking job? This guy gaslit you for four years. He lied to you for four years. He ran a Ponzi scheme on CNN for four years and no hard feelings, no follow-up questions, no nothing. No, oh, Adam Schiff wants to come on and talk about the Dreamer Act. Yeah. Fuck that guy. Lied to us for four years.
Speaker 6:
[61:08] Now, well, he lied to us about the thing that we are also happy about.
Speaker 1:
[61:13] We did it too. Yeah, I guess you may be right. All right. Also, I was looking at this Mamdani supermarket thing. I was laughing about it, but I'll tell you why I'm laughing about it. We'll play the clip. This is his $30 million supermarket is going to open. I don't know how it works. So here's their plan. He's going to open up a supermarket down the street from your supermarket that your family runs, except your family has to pay taxes and a mortgage or rent on their supermarket. But then the competition down the street is government subsidized. They don't have to pay mortgage, rent or taxes. So aren't they going to ruin your business?
Speaker 6:
[62:08] Yeah.
Speaker 1:
[62:09] This is what I've been telling these assholes the whole time. I got into this with Gavin Newsom. Illegal selling flowers on the street undercuts the business who's the florist who has to pay workman's comp and insurance and all of that stuff that you guys impose upon him. He's now being undercut. So he's going to open the government supermarket, which always works out great. I think they tried it in like Kansas City or something. It's like this shit. It's a shit show. Here's the thing about the government supermarket. The government supermarket is basically like the plastic pumpkin with the Reese's pieces in it and the family that's out of town for Halloween. That shit will work in my neighborhood, but not when you go to the poor neighborhood. It doesn't work in the poor neighborhood. You could probably do the government market in Beverly Hills and maybe Malibu or Santa Monica. If you did a government market and you just went, it's going to be in the middle of Malibu, but we're just going to limit it to people who live in Malibu, you could pull it off. Fat, dumb, poor people on SNAP, that shit ain't going to work. People that fight people behind counters at Popeyes because they're out of dipping sauce, that market is not going to work with those people. The pumpkin works in a good neighborhood. The pumpkin does not work in a shit neighborhood, and the market's in a shit neighborhood with poor, dumb people, who you guys look at as super hard working and just sort of down, out on their luck or down and out, but it's not. It's dumb, lazy, poor people. I grew up with these people. I was sitting around and calculating it while I was on the road because I worked Friday, Saturday, and Sunday the last few weekends. Nobody in my family, my entire life ever worked a Saturday, not once. My grandmother had a full-time job, but she worked for the VA. There's no Saturday. My dad was like school teacher, whatever. My mom didn't work, and then my stepdad worked for Lockheed. No one, you know what, to be fair to my dad, later on, late, late, late in life, may have done a little therapy on a Saturday, but also didn't really work during the week.
Speaker 6:
[64:38] Well, to be fair, Adam, you had a lot of sporting events and a lot of things that the family had to attend on a Saturday.
Speaker 11:
[64:44] That's true, that's true.
Speaker 1:
[64:46] The days were filled with Pop Warner football. All right, so let's stop calling all, I was yelling at Rudy. All right, I'll play this clip and then remind me with the gym. Sorry, in the hotel.
Speaker 8:
[65:00] Grocery prices are out of control.
Speaker 1:
[65:02] Out of control.
Speaker 8:
[65:02] The cost of eggs and milk has skyrocketed.
Speaker 1:
[65:04] All right, pause. All right, me and Drew looked it up. Eggs are between 19 and 30 cents a piece. That's what eggs are. So a three egg omelet is under a dollar. Not too shabby. Not too shabby in this day and age, right?
Speaker 6:
[65:24] Yeah, we went back to eggs being a buck fifty for a 12 pack of them, and nobody's gone back and been like, oh, thanks for getting those egg prices back down again.
Speaker 1:
[65:32] Also, it's like the most complete food you could eat. You could probably live just off of eggs. This is my thing with these poor people living in food deserts. Take a dozen eggs, hard boil a dozen eggs, you're done with lunch for that week. You don't like it. It's not a chicken nugget, but it's good for you. All right, so anyway, eggs are super expensive, even though they're 20 cents a piece. I guess, you bought more eggs than I had.
Speaker 6:
[65:59] I literally bought four hard boiled eggs on my way to the studio today to eat, and they were cheap. I just got them at the gas station.
Speaker 1:
[66:05] All right, so eggs and milk and bread are super expensive except for everyone can afford it. But let's keep going with this soliloquy here.
Speaker 8:
[66:15] Grocery prices are out of control. The cost of eggs and milk has skyrocketed. Some stores are even using dynamic pricing, jacking up the cost over the course of a day depending on what they can get away with.
Speaker 1:
[66:26] All right, hold on a second. Does anyone have any fucking idea what the fuck he's talking about, jacking up prices during the day? So you go in and you grab some top ramen for a buck 29, and as you're walking to the counter, some guy with a gun just tags it up for $4. So like, oh no, it's Tuesday, it's three in the afternoon, we can get a little more, a few more bucks at it.
Speaker 13:
[66:48] I don't know what the, sorry, there's a moth coming at me.
Speaker 1:
[66:50] I don't know what the fuck he's talking about. I've never seen this. Trader Joe's is just Trader Joe's, all day, every day. It's more than it was 10 years ago, but it's still cheap and it's still the same, and they're all the same. And or you can go to Gelson's, and then Gelson's is really expensive.
Speaker 6:
[67:09] Yeah, it's not Uber. It's not like you go at 7 a.m. and the Toblerone is $1.50, and then you go at 3 p.m. and it's $6.
Speaker 1:
[67:16] There's dynamic pricing, you get it? They're gauging us like Exxon and Mobile are gauging the people who live in California for their gas, except for no one else, and it's really the government that's gauging. But okay. And they start with a, here's what they do. They start with a bullshit premise. The whole premise is bullshit. Eggs and milk are too expensive. That's their jumping off point. Stuff that's 20 cents a piece. Again, three egg omelet under a dollar. Okay. Milk, I don't know, two bucks for a quart, whatever. That's a jumping off point. Then they start going into a lie about gauging and dynamic pricing. Does anyone know what they're talking about when he says dynamic pricing? Does anyone know what that is?
Speaker 3:
[68:04] I know what that's supposed to mean.
Speaker 1:
[68:06] I know what it's supposed to mean. It's supposed to mean Exxon is gauging you in California, but they're not, you guys overregulate them. But all right, let's see what else. Also, I know this drives Andrew insane, and maybe Nick Shirley needs some his way too, which is the mic has a clip. Clip it on your fucking lapel and talk. Don't hold it in front of your face. It's a clip on my, is anyone ever seen a talk show where you're sitting there next to Conan O'Brien or something and you're holding the mic, you clip the mic on, it's got a clip.
Speaker 3:
[68:45] This is something I've noticed is universal in government all through press conferences, whatever campaign stops. Nobody hires an audio engineer. No one tells these people how this actually works.
Speaker 1:
[69:01] Clip it the fuck on your lapel. But anyway, he's holding the mic, talking about dynamics. So we're getting gouged depending on what time of the day it is. Here we go.
Speaker 8:
[69:12] It doesn't need to be this way. I'm Zahram Nandani and as mayor, I will create a network of city-owned grocery stores. It's like a public option for produce. We will redirect city funds from corporate supermarkets to city-owned grocery stores.
Speaker 1:
[69:25] It's going to be awesome.
Speaker 8:
[69:26] The mission is lower prices, not price gouging. These stores will operate without a profit motive or having to pay property taxes or rent, and we'll pass on those savings to you. They'll partner with small businesses and nearby farms, and sell at wholesale prices. The job of city government isn't to tinker around the edges while one in four children across our city go hungry.
Speaker 1:
[69:45] All right, hold on. One in four in the city of New York are going hungry. So 25% of women, I should say kids, in New York, 25% of them are hungry, are going to bed hungry. But I looked it up, more than 40% of them are obese. So there's some fat ass kids that are hoarding all the food. You should go find the fat kids who are taking the food away from the hungry kids, right? So how does that math work out? 25% are hungry and then almost 50% are obese. So we got to start blaming the fat kids, right? That's they're taking too much food.
Speaker 6:
[70:32] Yeah. How about a little less subway, a little bit more walking on? Waddle your fat ass on down to the old city grocery store.
Speaker 1:
[70:38] Also, this is more bullshit. Like you really think there's 25% kids that are hungry. By the way, when kids are hungry, Dr. Drew was telling me, because I was a hungry kid, you snap into action. Like when you're fucking hungry, you see guys walking out of a subway and you're like, hey man, can I have that sandwich? You'll pick shit out of the garbage. You're like, you will act like it. I've never seen that in New York. I only see fat kids.
Speaker 6:
[71:06] There's municipal liquor stores in Minnesota. Well, the city that I lived in had a couple of them. And they had the audacity to put something in the mail to all of the residents, saying, hey, we know there's a brand new big box store down the street that's selling all the wine and beer that you love at half the price that we are. But if you stop shopping with us, we're gonna go ahead and jack up, we might have to jack up property taxes. So I wrote them back an email and said, how about this? How about you guys, if you could, do me a solid. If I can prove, if I go out and I get a DUI or I do something stupid on the alcohol that you sold me and I can prove I bought it at a municipal liquor store, I then get no reprimand, there's no, I get no charges, yeah, no repercussions. I get, there's no, nothing happens. I'm good. And they went, yeah, it doesn't work that way. And I was like, well, of course it doesn't work that way because you guys are just trying to get more money out of us.
Speaker 1:
[71:58] All right. So I back it up a little. I'm curious again about how the dynamic pricing works. We'll just play from there. So supermarkets are raised. Has anyone been in a supermarket when prices were going up as you were shopping? I don't think I've ever experienced that, but all right, here we go.
Speaker 6:
[72:18] Yeah, it's like when you go to Google to get a flight and then it's in the red where it says very high or moderate at different times. It's insane that they think we would buy into some of this bullshit.
Speaker 1:
[72:29] The class warfare is to really just get dumb people agitated and they can vote for them. I'll give you a, I have a war on poor people and dumb people. That's my thing because I grow up with those people. All right, Dawson, if we don't have it, we have an issue. That's fine. Oh, here it is.
Speaker 8:
[72:51] Or even using dynamic pricing, jacking up the cost over the course of a day, depending on what they can get away with. It doesn't need to be this way. What they can get away with. I will create a network of city-owned grocery stores.
Speaker 1:
[73:03] It's got to have a music bet too, you know?
Speaker 8:
[73:05] We will redirect city funds from corporate supermarkets to city-owned grocery stores, whose mission is lower prices, not price gouging. These stores will operate without a profit motive or having to pay property taxes or rent, and we'll pass on those savings to you. They'll partner with small businesses and nearby farms.
Speaker 1:
[73:23] Trying, happy people.
Speaker 8:
[73:26] Isn't it tinker around the edges while one in four children across our city go hungry?
Speaker 1:
[73:31] All right. Let me say something personal. The Democrats have a artist rendering version of their plan, and then there's the reality of their plan, which is always a shit show. But it's funny to look at the artist rendering of the bullet train or the Seventh Street Bridge or Mamdami and his supermarkets, they have a happy drawing of it, never works out. Listen, poor people, dumb people, they're going to have to start getting their shit together. That's basically what I'm talking about. I'm uniquely qualified to talk about this because I hung around with poor lazy people my entire life. I saw exactly how they operate, and then I hung out with rich people. Rich people are better, they work harder, they put more in, and they're generally more reliable, prompter, they care more, and they're a lot more responsible, and they take care of their kids and so on and so forth. This poor but proud thing, it's basically the same shit they do with American Indians, like, look at these brave, hard-working, that guy's fat, he's an alcoholic and he gambles all day. Like, what do you talk, what is it? You're looking at a drawing of somebody, not a reality of somebody. So I was, I just got back from Phoenix, and I was staying at the rich white guy facility, big, beautiful compound.
Speaker 6:
[75:01] Yeah, the RWF?
Speaker 1:
[75:03] Yes, the rich white guy facility. And I went into the gym, and the place was packed, packed with skinny, oldish white people, all, every treadmill was packed. And I thought, I got a little spoiled because traveling and going to all the places we go to, coming back from Nebraska and staying at the fair to Midland kind of lower echelon hotels, the one thing you could count on was an empty gym all the time.
Speaker 6:
[75:34] Yeah.
Speaker 1:
[75:35] The free buffet was always packed with fat people, but the gym was always empty. So then I walked in and the gym was kind of weird. What I was doing is I was on the phone with Dr. Drew and I'll do the treadmill and talk to Drew the whole time. But I don't really want a person on my right and a person on my left while I'm yelling at Dr. Drew on the phone. And normally, I just go into the empty gym and get on the treadmill. There's nobody in there. This time, someone on my right, all the treadmills were filled up. And then I realize at the shitty hotels, the poor, fat, dumb people eat all the free food, but nobody hits the treadmill. And I realize at the rich white guy hotel, they're all in the gym. And even if they had a free buffet, powdered eggs and fake waffles and whatever these guys have, I don't think these guys would be down with it. And everyone goes, oh, they have money. It's like when people go, these celebrities, they have a personal trainer. If I had a personal trainer, no, no, no. They got more discipline than you do. You can do pushups in your prison cell and be fucking jacked.
Speaker 6:
[76:48] Yeah, Rob Lowe has a saying where he went to go reach for a donut one time and he stopped himself. And someone said, hey, go ahead and eat that donut. He was like, headliners don't eat donuts. And I was like, yeah, that's right. Headliners don't eat donuts.
Speaker 1:
[76:59] So I really realize this problem we have, even though the poor people who are mired in shame want to constantly do this class warfare bullshit, like rich people got to pay their share. And then these guys who are carpet baggers, like Mondami, who are hustlers basically, realize there's a lot more poor people who are shamed for not working hard enough and I'll get them to vote for us. But that's not the problem. The problem is fucking people not working hard enough and there's no amount of government that's ever gonna fix that. I don't know anybody who's highly motivated that's not reasonably successful in this country. I don't know a person. I used to say it all the time. I go, I don't know a good carpenter that's ever out of a job. Who do you know? Who do you know that's good at their job that's ever out of a job? Acre Gold, we've all lost 30 bucks on a random lunch or streaming service. We don't ever use. Acre Gold lets you turn that lost money into physical 24 karat Swiss gold. You pick a plan, your balance builds, and once you hit the price of a bar, they ship it straight to your front door. Real gold in your hand at your house and for the collectors out there, they just dropped a limited edition Hot Wheels collection. Am I right Dawson?
Speaker 3:
[78:32] While you're checking them out, claim your free entry to the Speed Club Sweepstakes. They're giving away a one gram Hot Wheels gold bar plus a massive gram prize, the 10 gram 24 karat gold Hot Wheels bar. Both come in official collector packaging and they are up for grabs right now. Start stacking for just $30 at getacregold.com/adam. That's getacregold.com/adam. Subscribe today.
Speaker 2:
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[79:30] Five hour energy. Five hour energy shots bring you tasty caffeine and 17 flavors. They taste great. Confetti craze. Five hour energy shot tastes like a birthday cake. Enjoy a variety of bold flavors with as much caffeine as a 12 ounce premium cup of coffee, but with zero sugar and zero sugar crash. This is perfect for if I have two shows in one night, because I'm always a little lagging on the second one. That's where five hour energy comes in. Fuel your day with tasty caffeine available in store and online at fivehourenergy.com or Amazon. Give your caffeine a flavor upgrade with Five Hour Energy Shots. Get yours in store and online at www.fivehourenergy.com or at Amazon today. All right. Let's see. Yeah, he wants to tax the rich and then I know it. My mom is one of the dumb, lazy people and she thought up until her death that rich people don't pay taxes. Yeah. That's what she thought. But does she really think that or is she just ashamed for not contributing, and it makes it easier to point at somebody else? Here's an endowment. He's going to get rich people to pay. By the way, one percent pays 40 percent of the taxes in Manhattan.
Speaker 6:
[81:14] Yeah.
Speaker 8:
[81:15] When I ran for mayor, I said I was going to tax the rich. Well, today, we're taxing the rich. I'm thrilled to announce we've secured a Pied-a-Terre tax, the first in New York's history. This is an annual fee on luxury property.
Speaker 1:
[81:28] All right. Listen, I can just tell you, as a rich guy, there's all taxes. It's just taxes. It's nonstop taxes. And it's kind of a, it's an interesting grift. It's the same grift that they've done with dumb people of white cops shooting unarmed black people and executing them like racist cops. It doesn't happen. You guys made it up. It really doesn't exist. You've created something that doesn't exist and turned it into a thing. People think rich guys gotta start paying their fair share. It's not going to help the poor people. Poor people need to be told rich people are not your fucking problem. They're job creators. Your job is to get a job and then one day you can be a job creator.
Speaker 6:
[82:16] Well, as a guy who stays exclusively at the poor white guy facility on the road, I try to tell people that. I was in the gym this weekend, right? It's empty. And while I'm in there, I'm staring outside into the courtyard and it is just people smoking, drinking Monster Energy drinks. I was like, it's 11 a.m. What are you guys doing here?
Speaker 1:
[82:36] Yes, there is a lot. The other thing is there's a lot more addiction. There's a lot more cigarettes. There's a lot more alcohol. There's a lot more food addiction. There's like a lot more of that. You don't see it in the rich, whitey hotels. And yeah, that's how you grow up. But just. And by the way, everyone's a little bit of a grifter, like trying to figure out a way to scam and get some free shit. All right, so anyway, poor, not proud.
Speaker 6:
[83:02] Yeah.
Speaker 1:
[83:03] What do we got in the news?
Speaker 6:
[83:05] Well, here we go. Let's start it off with Gavin Newsom. California Governor Gavin Newsom's Political Action Committee spent more than $1.5 million buying thousands of copies of his new memoir, accounting for about two-thirds of all copies sold nationwide, according to campaign finance filings. The PAC spending help propel Newsom's memoir, Young Man in a Hurry, on to the New York Times Best Seller List and is raising new scrutiny as his national profile builds ahead of a possible 2028 presidential run.
Speaker 1:
[83:34] Yeah, man, but he's just here to do what's right. He's so damn tired of people taking stuff and he's going to fix that stuff.
Speaker 6:
[83:43] Yeah.
Speaker 1:
[83:43] He's here to do the damn right thing, man. That's all he, that's his why and his if. He knows his if, he knows his why, he knows his there's and he's looking for to do the right thing. He's trying to help people with stuff by buying books and then taking money, laundering it to the publisher so he can get a sweet advance on his book deal.
Speaker 6:
[84:07] You know what's funny? Because obviously now they have all of these books just sitting around and they thought, well, what the hell are we going to do with these things? So they sent them out to people that donated to his campaign and it reminded me of when we all bought Apple phones and then the U2 album was on there. What the hell, man? I didn't want this. Now you're going-
Speaker 1:
[84:24] Especially them.
Speaker 6:
[84:25] Awful, yeah.
Speaker 1:
[84:27] Yeah, he's gonna fight injustice, man. That's his thing. And move units of his own book. That's what he's into. It's not really his fault. It's the people that vote. It's the people.
Speaker 6:
[84:40] Yeah, absolutely. Yeah.
Speaker 1:
[84:42] All right, so hero.
Speaker 6:
[84:43] Representative Ilhan Omar says she and her husband aren't secretly sitting on millions, despite what her financial paperwork seemed to show, blaming an accounting error for the confusion. Omar's 2024 financial disclosure, not a tax return, listed her and her husband's assets somewhere between 6 million and 30 million. That's a huge jump from the previous year that raised many eyebrows online.
Speaker 1:
[85:05] So she says some people did some things. That's her thing. That's 9-11.
Speaker 6:
[85:11] Yeah, so what's funny is when she, you know, to her calculations, she's actually worth somewhere between 18,000 and 95,000, which means by her calculations, me, Dawson and Andrew are all wealthier than Ilhan Omar.
Speaker 1:
[85:28] I would assume she's lying about everything all the time. But listen, you got, you know, the Democrats have painted themselves into a corner. They are the party of poor people, and they're the party of trying to take down rich people, except for they all want to be rich too and are. So now there's an issue because Trump being rich doesn't bother anyone who votes for Trump. Bernie Sanders having three homes and being a millionaire may bother optically, may not look good. You know what I mean? Like one of them, if you're a preacher and you go, a man shouldn't lay down with another man, that's fine. But once you get caught in the bathroom at the airport, now there's an issue. I can say whatever I want and do whatever I want because I don't pretend to know or pretend to care. So you guys are all the no king millionaires, and you're always the poor but proud millionaire people. So now there's an issue. Everybody is rich, everyone is striving to get richer, everyone is working the system and getting their husband's jobs and Nancy Pelosi and her tax, her stock market tips and everything, and simultaneously having to pretend to be poor and sort of downtrodden and for the downtrodden. So it's a bit of a battle, and that's why Bernie Sanders switched it from millionaires to billionaires just in the last 10 minutes because somebody tapped him on the shoulder and explained that he was also a millionaire. The greatest tape of this ever, I don't know if we can find this, Dawson, but years and years ago, it was Howard Stern talking to Michael Moore, and Michael Moore's worth $50 million or so. He sold a lot of documentaries and made a lot of money. That's Michael Moore. But Michael Moore has to dress like an out of work lesbian trucker so people don't think he has money because he rails against people with money. That's all he does. So you can't be a guy with money and rail. Now my thing is, yes you can. You can be wildly successful and still rail against anybody you want. That just means you're successful. But he can't do it. So one day he was on Stern. It was got at least 10 years ago, probably more. In Stern, doing what he does, he was just like, you're a millionaire, right? Oh, no, no, no, no.
Speaker 3:
[88:11] You've been talking about this back in 06.
Speaker 1:
[88:13] I don't think it was that far back, but maybe it was a long time ago. But Michael Mohr, by the way, net worth was 50 million at the time. He's like, wow, no, no, no. But you're a millionaire, right?
Speaker 3:
[88:25] And he goes, no, no, no, no.
Speaker 1:
[88:26] And he goes, Stern keeps drilling down. He goes, but you're worth 1 million dollars. Are you not worth 1 million dollars? And he goes, maybe with the house. All right. So what's he doing? He's lying because he wants to rail against rich people and he doesn't want you to know he's rich.
Speaker 6:
[88:44] Yeah.
Speaker 1:
[88:44] So that's what they do.
Speaker 6:
[88:45] Well, much like seeing somebody that is your same nationality in a movie or on TV, they have to be able to, the people that are ingesting this content have to look at the people putting it out and go, you know what, one day I can also be worth $50 million and lie my ass off to people. So it doesn't seem that bad.
Speaker 1:
[89:03] Yeah.
Speaker 6:
[89:03] Yeah. All right.
Speaker 16:
[89:04] What else you got?
Speaker 6:
[89:05] So speaking of Democrats, James Carville previews, what is in store for Democrats if they retake power and says that they should just keep their plans quiet?
Speaker 16:
[89:14] Mm-hmm. He's gone insane.
Speaker 6:
[89:17] Yeah.
Speaker 16:
[89:19] The Democrats win the presidency in both houses of Congress. I think on day one they should make Puerto Rico, DC a state and they should expand the Supreme Court to 13. Fuck it. Eat our dust. They've done everything they could. They held up to 22,000 election. They've stolen Supreme Court seats. They've gerrymandered everything that you can. The only way to fight this is don't run on it. Don't talk about it. Just do it. She's okay. We got 54 senators and we got 13 court members. Thank you. Goodbye. Because you're not going to get a fast shake any kind of way in this system. Eighteen percent of the United States elects 52 senators. Well, you're not going to make it equitable, but you'll make it better by adding Puerto Rico and DC. The Democrats are in it.
Speaker 6:
[90:08] None of them are hiding it.
Speaker 1:
[90:10] Well, here's the thing. If I thought it was a good outcome, then I'd be for it. My thing is I don't have an inherent problem with, let's say there's two systems, right? You got Democrat and Republican, but you also have metric and standard. I don't have a built-in bias or a problem with SAE American standard stuff, three-eighths wrenches versus 10-millimeter wrenches or something. Metric is a little better.
Speaker 6:
[90:50] Yeah.
Speaker 1:
[90:50] It's a better system if you're a mechanic, because the reason it's a better system is because if you have a five-eighths socket and it's a little too big, then someone will go, you want to go to half-inch or the 9-16th. But you have to think. But Metric, if you got a 12-millimeter socket and it's like a little too big, you just get 11, and that's too big, you go with a 10.
Speaker 6:
[91:21] Real men keep both, by the way.
Speaker 1:
[91:23] Yes, it's an easier life. But here's my whole point. They both work, use the standard stuff on the American, the Chevy's and use the Metric shit on the Nissan's and fine. I don't have an inherent problem with Democrats or Democratic policy except for it's a shit show and it ruins states and cities. The old version, Bill Clinton, 1997, whatever, fine, it's fine. My thing is I'm not against Democrats for the sake of being against Democrats. I just see what their cities turn into and it turns into a shit show. If it was the difference between standard and metric, I just go, I don't know, flip a coin. I'll go standard or I'll go metric because they're both pretty effective and they both work about the same way. This is not that. I live in Los Angeles. You guys fucked it up badly, badly, and you want to keep going that way. So I don't know. And what's Carville want? Like that's the other thing too. Like I just went fucking lower taxes in a border. That's all. And in school choice. What? Why is that bad? And by the way, if that's what you guys wanted, then it would be fine. But everything's drag queen story hour and defund the police and hand out needles in the mission district.
Speaker 6:
[92:49] Yeah. And they always talk about the system. Oh, it's the system. It's like, well, that system also made you wealthy. What are you talking about? So, yeah.
Speaker 16:
[92:57] All right. All right.
Speaker 6:
[92:58] One more here. So White House Secretary Carolyn Leavitt, excuse me, said Friday, the Trump administration is working with the FBI and other federal agencies to review a growing number of cases involving American scientists who have gone missing or died to determine whether any of these cases might be connected. In light of the recent and legitimate questions about these troubling cases, the president's commitment is to the truth. The White House is actively working with all relevant agencies and the FBI to review all of these cases together and identify any potential commonalities that may exist.
Speaker 1:
[93:31] The thing that's crazy about a couple of them, a couple of them are, this guy just went out for a walk with nothing but a handgun and like never came back. And the other, there's another one who just went for a walk with nothing but a handgun and never came back. I'm not sure how the handgun factors in on the walk. Some people do that, but these are science. They aren't ranchers. So something seems like somebody knew somebody was in peril or something. Whatever it is, I'm just going to go something, something, China. That's about all I got on this one. And I'll just assume something, something, China until we hear otherwise.
Speaker 6:
[94:15] Yeah. Well, it's crazy because some of these, you know, none of these people really worked with each other, but there are some of these scientists that worked in like with UFOs. And it was like other branches of the government where they were working in separate parts of the country, did not know each other, but kind of working on the same thing, which is wild. Even one of these cases where a woman went missing back in 2022, they're now adding that into the mix too, thinking that this may have gone back a few years.
Speaker 1:
[94:40] One guy just got shot on his porch, but that was LA. So it's like, all right, probably just his fault for sitting on his porch, right?
Speaker 6:
[94:49] Yeah.
Speaker 1:
[94:50] Yeah. So it's kind of, it's kind of a weird one. What do you got there, Andrew?
Speaker 16:
[94:56] Andrew took off with a gun.
Speaker 1:
[94:59] Oh, he's gunned down. Where was that guy gunned down? I can't read it.
Speaker 3:
[95:03] Yeah.
Speaker 6:
[95:03] The front porch of his home in, my eyes are so bad, I can't read them either.
Speaker 1:
[95:08] Oh, Antelope Valley or California.
Speaker 3:
[95:10] Yeah.
Speaker 1:
[95:11] Yeah. I don't know. It seems, look, here's the thing. All this stuff that I would always poo poo, Kennedy assassination or the Twin Towers or did we land on the moon or what? After COVID, it's all on the table for me. After all these guys lying and colluding and big tech and politics and all the bullshit, I'm now a big pharma and everything. It's all in the realm of possibilities for me now. All right. So something I wanted to talk about, which was the Phil's Pride Coffee Flag, Scott Weiner. Things ready to go. Here's all this guys. What is Scott Weiner? Is he a representative from California?
Speaker 3:
[96:01] And he's running for Senator.
Speaker 1:
[96:02] Oh, he's running for Senator. All right. Here's my whole thing. I don't care good or bad about the gay community. I don't want people elected who look out for the gay community or the black community or the Armenian community. I just want people who are elected who do a good job. That's all. These assholes spend their whole day at the gay pride thing and announcing, you know, they're going to take the sign down so you can cruise on Hyperion and Silver Lake and whatever. Phil's Coffee, this guy, we talked about this ass wipe like last week, said they're just going to take down all the gay flags. Taking down the gay flag is sort of like taking down a flag for a professional football team. It doesn't mean you're against football or professional football. It just means this is a place where Raiders fans and Steelers fans and Ravens fans are all welcome. We don't need to declare a team. Just anyone can come in here who likes football or not.
Speaker 6:
[97:08] It's why it's called a sports bar.
Speaker 1:
[97:10] Right. It's got an S on the end.
Speaker 3:
[97:12] I'm sorry, not running for Senate, running for re-election.
Speaker 1:
[97:16] Running for re-election. All right. But he's obsessed with cock, this guy. And so everything he does is sort of cock related. And again, just fucking run and do a good job for your city. But here he is. He's got to cut a video and celebrate now because Phil's coffee caved to him and his homo-Nazi constituency. And now they have to put the things back. And this is a big deal for him, not crime or potholes or poverty. This. It's a big win for the community. Music bad, it's a big win. He's standing, he's waving the gay flag, he's going into Phil's, he's waving his gay flag again.
Speaker 6:
[98:11] Thank you.
Speaker 1:
[98:11] Just suck dick on your own time, and then make good fucking policy. Jesus Christ.
Speaker 6:
[98:18] Yeah. You can also tell the homeless people and the potholes out in front of that Phil's location are not being taken care of. But we got that goddamn flag put up.
Speaker 13:
[98:26] Jesus Christ.
Speaker 1:
[98:28] You assholes vote for these fucking dicks. By the way, he was the same guy, Nick Shirley. Nick Shirley got hold of him. So everyone who signed the anti Nick Shirley Act, who doesn't want fraud uncovered, you can call it whatever you want. They don't like guys like Nick Shirley. Nick Shirley went to go confront all these people, which is a great video. None of them would talk to him, which again, it's a weird thing. Like if I'm just walking down the street and Nick Shirley goes, hey, Adam Carolla, I hear you hate red turn arrows. I will stop. Yes, I do. Do you have an hour? Cause let me explain. But you can go back. He sees Scott Weiner and wants to ask him why he signed off on this stop Nick Shirley Act. And here's his answer. Here's Scott.
Speaker 2:
[99:19] What do you think about the stop Nick Shirley Act?
Speaker 13:
[99:22] I think you're a psycho scam artist.
Speaker 1:
[99:25] It's a scam artist. It's a scam artist. He's the scam artist and he's a psycho.
Speaker 6:
[99:33] Yeah, he's the guy that is uncovering all the scam artists. Why is it this guy getting his?
Speaker 1:
[99:38] Why is Scott Weiner angry at the guy that's uncovering fraud when he works for the government?
Speaker 6:
[99:45] Yeah, well, because Nick Shirley is on the side of the right and anybody who's on the side of the right, regardless of what they are doing, whether it be good or bad, they are going to have a problem with them.
Speaker 1:
[99:54] Yes, that's what it is, but you're not supposed to wear it on your sleeve that way. You're supposed to pretend like you don't like fraud either, not declare war on the people. And by the way, nobody he tried to talk to had 10 seconds for him. Don't you think that politicians should be obliged to answer some fucking questions? Like they just blow past everyone and slam the door behind them and their security pushes them out? You're lawmakers. You're making policy. Tell us why. This is the guy you don't want doing what he's doing. Now sit down and explain to us and to him why you're against him doing what he's doing, which is awesome. So I don't know. So my whole point is, if this was metric versus standard, I wouldn't care, Carville, but we're dealing with fucking Uber nut jobs like the Scott Weiner, and then folks that are in a bizarre position of defending fraudsters and attacking people that uncover fraud. Just like you guys got bent in a pretzel, protecting, you now protect illegal felons who commit drugs and crime and human trafficking. You now have to protect them and fraudsters because Trump doesn't want either one of those guys. So you got fooled into this. I'm sorry, do we have a clip of this or are we just playing it?
Speaker 13:
[101:31] Sorry.
Speaker 11:
[101:32] Hey, can you give us your opinion? Thank you very much.
Speaker 5:
[101:35] Can you give us your opinion really quick on AB2624?
Speaker 13:
[101:38] I think you're a psycho scam artist, so have a good time.
Speaker 2:
[101:40] Please disclose how you think that.
Speaker 17:
[101:42] Look at how they just run away.
Speaker 12:
[101:43] These guys are fools.
Speaker 1:
[101:49] Stop and tell them why it's a necessary bill. By the way, they always do the safety shit. I told you guys they hide behind safety for everything all the time. It's a lie. All right, let's see. Friday, Saturday. Vegas, are you going to be out in Vegas?
Speaker 6:
[102:06] I will not be in Vegas with you this time, I will be coming up later this summer.
Speaker 1:
[102:10] May 8th and 9th over Kimmel's Club and then Covina on the 14th at the Laugh Factory. Doing a live pod there. Also, let's see, Friday, May 15th, Visalia, California, Fox Theater, huh? Saturday, 16th, Modesto. Oh, I didn't know that. Another theater. It's got Adam Corolla coming for all the live shows. What do you got, Rudy?
Speaker 6:
[102:35] This Wednesday, Thursday, I'll be in Chicago. Zany's downtown on Wednesday, Rosemont on Thursday, and then this weekend, Arlington, Texas, from Friday through Sunday.
Speaker 1:
[102:44] Rosemont's a fun club, I think. Yeah. All right, till next time. Adam Crawford, Rudy Pavich, and Jay Mohr. Say it. Mahala.
Speaker 3:
[102:56] Leave us a voicemail at 888-634-1744 and get tickets to see Adam Carolla at adamcarolla.com.
Speaker 2:
[103:09] Pluto TV has thousands of free movies and TV shows.
Speaker 3:
[103:13] We're coming at you with everything we got.
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Speaker 8:
[103:44] Woo, woo, woo, woo.
Speaker 2:
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