transcript

Speaker 1:
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Speaker 1:
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Speaker 1:
[01:13] Hey guys, I'm Carl Radke and welcome to More Life. We've got a great guest today. My dear friend, my bestie, Shea Gomez. She is the founder of No Booze Babes. It's a community celebrating a booze-free lifestyle. Excited for you guys to dive in. We are here live at Soft Bar in Greenpoint, Brooklyn. Shea Gomez, welcome to More Life. Great to see you, thanks for being here. We're here. I love it. You're here every other day anyway, so.

Speaker 4:
[01:46] Ish.

Speaker 1:
[01:46] This works.

Speaker 4:
[01:47] You know, we like to dance.

Speaker 1:
[01:48] Yeah, I know. By the way, Shea Gomez is here. She's one of my favorite people in New York City. She's actually one of the first people I really like. I DM'd you, I think.

Speaker 4:
[01:56] No, I DM'd you. You DM'd me. I could not wait to talk about this, honestly.

Speaker 1:
[02:00] Well, we're gonna get into that, but I've met Shea, what, four years ago? Three years ago? I've been a big fan of Shea's, she's shared a lot of her story publicly, but most importantly, this podcast is called More Life, which is a saying that I embody and love.

Speaker 4:
[02:12] I've heard.

Speaker 1:
[02:13] And this is something I ask all of our guests.

Speaker 4:
[02:15] Yeah.

Speaker 1:
[02:15] Do you have a saying that you like to live by?

Speaker 4:
[02:17] Okay, so I've been watching the podcast, and I'm like, what do I say? Like, I go through phases of my life where I'll be saying stuff, and then I'll kind of get over it.

Speaker 1:
[02:25] Sure.

Speaker 4:
[02:25] And I think the thing that kind of comes back is like, just show up. And I know that kind of sounds silly, but my mom always suggested that for me and my sisters, I have two younger sisters, and we're all really close. And my mom was always like, just show up even for 30 minutes. Like, you know, when you have an event or an invite or something, you're like, I just don't want to leave my bed, or like, it's too cold in New York City, whatever. Like, you can think of every excuse. She's like, just show up for 30 minutes. And then it's like, you end up having the best time, or you meet someone where you're like, oh my God, if I never showed up, I would have never met them. It means a lot to whoever's hosting. So like, I always try to like live by that.

Speaker 1:
[03:02] And you do show up. Like, I think you actually out of a lot of my friends here in New York City, you're always so supportive. If anything, the amount of support you've shown me, Soft Bar, my book, all the things, thank you. Like for real, thank you. And Shea puts her money where her mouth is. This girl shows up.

Speaker 4:
[03:19] I love my people though. That's like a huge reason why No Booze Babes is so important to me because I love people. Like, and I love helping people. I love supporting people. Like that's just how I love my life.

Speaker 1:
[03:30] So get into how you started No Booze Babes and then we'll unpack some more.

Speaker 4:
[03:33] Yeah, well, No Booze Babes, I feel like I realized today, it was kind of a long time coming because I come from a performing arts background. I went to a performing arts school.

Speaker 1:
[03:42] Was there a lot of drinking in the theater community? Is that a thing?

Speaker 4:
[03:45] I think people party hard after a show or like a cast party. I personally, when I was doing shows or national tours, I didn't drink during because I was like, I'm taking this seriously. This is my literal job. But then I would make up for it on like the backend.

Speaker 1:
[03:59] Sure.

Speaker 4:
[04:00] And then when I got sober, I first of all, it took me a long time. Like I took many breaks along the way. But when I finally was like, I'm committing to this. I am sharing this publicly. It was kind of like, hey, everyone know I'm not perfect. Like I'm not this. I was always like a rule follower. I always have cared about what other people think about me.

Speaker 1:
[04:20] Would you say you're a people pleaser?

Speaker 4:
[04:22] Absolutely. I'm still working on that. Therapy. Thank you. Shout out to my therapist. She's probably watching this. But yeah, I like have always cared so much.

Speaker 1:
[04:32] Sure.

Speaker 4:
[04:32] Don't we all? Yeah. With like getting sober, I started No Booze Babes at six months sober. Initially my whole like journey started with many breaks, but.

Speaker 1:
[04:42] Which by the way, I think is very normal. I tell a lot of people, it's not a linear path. You don't just wake up one day.

Speaker 4:
[04:48] No.

Speaker 1:
[04:48] Yeah. You might wake up one day and be like, I can't do this again, but it still is not like a switch. It takes time. It's messy. It's up and down.

Speaker 4:
[04:55] It was a lot of me like not listening to myself for a long time, and I'd be like, okay, let me do a dry January and feel better about myself and then go back to my same patterns. But then you have to have a couple of slips before you're like, okay, let's read it in.

Speaker 1:
[05:08] Which I think is so important for people to hear though. There's this perception of when you get sober, it's like the overnight thing. And just like losing weight or maybe getting in better shape, it doesn't just happen overnight. And it sounds like that was the same case for you. Being in a position of influence, you get probably a ton of questions about your sobriety or what that means to you. California is sober. I get all these questions all the time. I even get people DMing me. I go to AA. Now some people don't and they're sober and whatever works best for them. But I've had messages from people that are in AA that go, hey, I use THC, but I don't know how to talk about it. And I've also used some THC in my sobriety. I believe it's a really helpful thing. I'm curious if you can just kind of talk about your relationship with some of that or kind of how you view California sobriety.

Speaker 4:
[05:54] Yeah, I mean, I think that what stopped me from getting sober sooner was that I was in such a gray area of the picture that's painted of people stumbling and bumbling on the streets and drinking every day and hiding alcohols. I don't do any of that. I'm doing everything my friends are doing, but I wasn't loving who I was at that time.

Speaker 1:
[06:14] You were feeling lost inside, and the alcohol wasn't...

Speaker 4:
[06:17] The mind games? That is what messed me up. I was always like, when can I drink again? Oh, we're going out with friends in two days. Oh, I'll be able to drink. I'm at the table. We're all having a bottle of wine. I'm like, am I drinking faster than everyone? Can I have another glass?

Speaker 1:
[06:31] And that is paralyzing thought. I've been in that position. It's not normal.

Speaker 4:
[06:34] I'm like, I'm fine. No, that's not normal to think about that. It's just took up so much space in my mind. And going to your question about THC and different alternatives, I think I've been in this alcohol-free space for six and a half years, and crazy. But I think people should know about options and get to decide for themselves. I'm not saying like it's for everybody. Some people don't have non-alcoholic alternatives. That's like triggering to them. I think it's knowing yourself, listening to yourself. And yeah, like I've had a lot of brands send me things because I'm sure you have. And some have been THC brands, and I've been like, hmm, interesting. And I've tried some and it hasn't taken me away from myself. Like with alcohol, I was out of control. I was blacking out. I was not remembering things I was saying and doing stupid stuff. Like having a little THC drink hasn't made me feel like that. And I think it's also like educating yourself. I know we've talked about this. Because I think it's a hush hush because people are like, oh, then I can't call myself sober or like this or that. And I think like I didn't get sober because of the shame, because I was scared of not appearing like perfect and all of this stuff. And we don't need more shame.

Speaker 1:
[07:47] That part right there, that's the biggest part.

Speaker 4:
[07:49] We're so good on ourselves already.

Speaker 1:
[07:51] I mean, it's scary. Was it scary for you that you're 21, 22, just out of college back in New York, and you'd realize you need to stop drinking or maybe take a break?

Speaker 4:
[08:00] Yeah.

Speaker 1:
[08:01] How hard was that first week for you?

Speaker 4:
[08:04] Oh my god.

Speaker 1:
[08:04] Can you talk?

Speaker 4:
[08:05] Are we talking break wise or the three month break is what changed my life? But yeah, I mean, it was fine because there was an end date. I think the thing that always scared me was forever. Even though I had a voice inside, I think it's your gut feeling, it's whatever you want to call it, of like, girl, your life would be better without it. I remember meeting someone who didn't drink and I was jealous.

Speaker 1:
[08:28] Yes, that's actually a really big tell. Was this someone, is it a famous person?

Speaker 4:
[08:32] No, it was someone I worked with. I worked in the service industry forever. I think being in performing arts and auditioning and this and that, I have the flexibility of being a server. And people drink a lot in the service industry. I was drinking on the job. I had a little cappuccino cup with rosé or the bartender would be like, oh, there's a spicy margarita in there. And I think I was just doing it because I was like, ooh, fun, ooh, it's a little bad. My good girl in me was like, ooh, look at you.

Speaker 1:
[08:58] Now, did your parents and your sisters have any idea some of your behaviors at this point? For example, my mom was up here a couple weeks ago and I was reminding her, I used to call her at five, six in the morning and say crazy shit.

Speaker 4:
[09:11] I used to cry on the phone to kind of FaceTime her. And I remember one of my last times ever drinking, the thing that really shook me was in open bar at a wedding of someone that I went to high school with. And I was so anxious about seeing people from high school, like, what am I doing? Like, who am I? So I was drinking beforehand. I was taking full advantage of the open bar. It was horrible. I like ubered myself home that night without my partner. Like he was back at the party. Nothing made sense. And I remember facetiming my mom and crying. And in the middle of the like cries, I forgot what I was crying about. Like I was like, what am I? What am I upset about?

Speaker 1:
[09:50] Insanity.

Speaker 4:
[09:51] Yeah. Like, yeah. So Carol received a lot of calls. And I do remember a lot of like when I was hung over, I talked to my mom every single day. I talked to my girls every single day. And I remember my guilt of like not remembering a night, feeling fuzzy, maybe doing something I regretted. It would make me feel better when I'd call my mom and tell her the things I did remember, like to make myself feel like I did.

Speaker 1:
[10:16] You'd curate a story.

Speaker 4:
[10:18] Yeah. I wouldn't tell her I blacked out. I don't remember certain things, but I'd be like, yeah, like I was having a good time. Like I was trying to make myself feel better by giving myself credit of like, oh yeah, I remember like this and that. I didn't remember a lot of it, but there was a time when my younger sister, Sydney, who's also sober came and visited me.

Speaker 1:
[10:36] Did your sister and you get sober around the same time?

Speaker 4:
[10:38] Yeah, I mean, a couple of months, we have a couple of months difference, but.

Speaker 1:
[10:43] Did you inspire her? Did she inspire you?

Speaker 4:
[10:44] Yeah, I inspired her.

Speaker 1:
[10:45] Hell yeah.

Speaker 4:
[10:46] She's like, Shea, I know you've been sharing a lot about, there was a little bit of preachiness. I know you mentioned this when you're podcast.

Speaker 1:
[10:51] I think early on in sobriety, and listen, I'm so proud when people make that step, but I even was this way. The first year, six months, I was like preachy, high and mighty, kind of like thinking I knew everything and judging people. It took me some time to get to work through that after year two of sobriety.

Speaker 4:
[11:06] You get grounded and you're like, oh wait, actually, I'm still dealing with shit, but I'm just sober through it. So yeah, no, I was sharing with my sisters, I feel amazing, da da da. And Sid was like, oh, I haven't drank in a week, I know it's not a big deal. I'm like, not a big deal. I was like, this is amazing, it's huge. Because I know that alcohol affects me and my sisters all the same way. I know what it's like, it runs in our blood, it runs in our family.

Speaker 1:
[11:33] That's such a beautiful thing for you to have that kind of gift to share with your family, because I've kind of viewed my sobriety as a gift I've given my mother, unintentionally in a way, but I don't call her at six in the morning and cry. Now I might call her at five p.m. and cry, but it's for a different reason. But yeah, it's beautiful to be able to give that gift to your mother and also your sisters and in return to you back. I love hearing that. You guys know I'm always talking about routines, health and just trying to feel better, physically and mentally. And something I've been hearing a lot more about lately, especially from people in my life, is GLP-1 weight loss medications. I'll be honest, at first I didn't really know what to think. I kind of assumed it was just another trend. But the more I've learned and the more I've seen people actually go through the process, the more I realize this is a real health care tool that's helping people not just lose weight, but to feel better overall. More energy, better habits, more confidence. I actually have a friend who's been using Rho, and what stood out to me was how simple and structured the whole experience was for them. Everything is online, they felt supported through the process, and it wasn't just about the number or scale, it was about building something sustainable. And that's what Rho is all about. They offer access to FDA approved GLP-1 weight loss medications, and now there's a new option, a daily pill. So if the idea of injections ever felt intimidating, this is a much more approachable way to explore it. The pill uses the same active ingredient as the shot, and delivers comparable results. It can help patients lose around 14% of body weight in a year on average. Based on a study in non-diabetics with obesity or overweight, plus a weight-related condition with diet and exercise. It's one daily pill that helps reduce cravings and helps you feel fuller, which can make a big difference if you're trying to stay consistent. Rho also makes the whole process really accessible. It's 100% online care. You can do a medical visit, labs if needed, and see if you qualify all from home. Plus, you get support like provider messaging, side effect management, and guidance along the way. The new GLP-1 pill is available for 149 for the first dose plus the Rho membership, and they also offer a full suite of FDA approved GLP-1 options at really competitive pricing. If I was in a place where I needed this kind of support, this is absolutely something that I would look into. Go to rho.co. slash radke to see if you're eligible for the new GLP-1 pill from Rho. That's r-o dot c-o slash r-a-d-k-e to get started. And for safety information, go to rho.co. slash safety for boxed warning and full safety information about GLP-1 medications.

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Speaker 1:
[15:20] When you first started your social media sharing and getting sober, from the time you got sober to the time you got this Instagram account, No Booze Babes, how long was that?

Speaker 4:
[15:29] Six months is when I announced it. Initially, Sydney and I started it together. I was like, hey, let's do something. Let's do like sober sisters. Yeah, something like that. And then I think Syd came up with No Booze Babes, the name, and we were like, yeah, let's go. She lasted the first week and she's like, Shea, this is more of a you thing. It's too much for me.

Speaker 1:
[15:46] So funny. Is she kicking herself now?

Speaker 4:
[15:48] No. I mean, we had a whole podcast together. She's everything to me. She's such, I feel so grateful for that, Bill.

Speaker 1:
[15:54] Were you inspired by anybody on social that was sharing, or talk to me about that?

Speaker 4:
[15:59] When I was sober curious and toying with the idea of not drinking ever again, I did what you were saying. I was seeing people on social media smiling. I remember seeing Millie Gooch from Sober Girl Society and she just started DMing me recently.

Speaker 1:
[16:15] She's eight years sober today.

Speaker 4:
[16:16] Oh my God. Millie, honestly, queen.

Speaker 1:
[16:19] Keep going.

Speaker 4:
[16:19] I just was like, okay, she's smiling and her life hasn't ended. And then I saw others by doing hashtags like sober, hashtag sober curious.

Speaker 1:
[16:28] That's super helpful for people to listen to, though. As I think that first beginning of wanting to get sober or at least learning, you want to do it anonymously. Or find information without giving away what's really going on. Or try to learn more about what these topics are. And trust me, hashtags on Instagram or TikTok, you will find sober, recovery. One day at a time, you'll find a lot of good stuff.

Speaker 4:
[16:53] Going back to starting No Booze Babes, because I think it kind of feeds into what you're asking, is like I created the community that I needed, that I was searching for. Like I wanted to share parts of my story because I knew it would give people permission to share theirs. Or maybe see, yeah, maybe see like, oh my God, like, yeah, I have those same feelings. And because what I love about like, you know, the alcohol-free community and Instagram and all that is everyone has different stories. Everyone tries different alternatives. Like you kind of find what fits for you. Like I always say, No Booze Babes is the alcohol-free party. Everyone's invited to come and go as you please, just like you would any other party. Because, you know, Dry January is like, hey, everyone's here. And then people are like, you see the followers go, you're like, okay, that's okay. Do your thing. But I want it to be like a safe space forever when I want to feel inclusive. And a huge reason why No Booze Babes was important and it wasn't like Sober Sisters and all that is because I think since sobriety still, unfortunately has this negative stigma, I didn't want anyone to feel like, oh, I'm not sober. So I can't really like be a part of that. Like, I'm like, you're welcome to be here.

Speaker 1:
[17:57] Yeah, non-judgmental. I think that's so important because there is that kind of almost pure, like strict, rigid. If you don't do this, then you're not that. It's like...

Speaker 4:
[18:08] And it doesn't have to be like that. It shouldn't be like that. I just think that there's such a gray area and you're allowed to like pop in and figure it out.

Speaker 1:
[18:15] And I love that you say that because that's exactly how I feel. There is that kind of gray part where people that are new or learning or trying to figure out where they stand, it's confusing. And you're trying to make a good choice for yourself. But then there are certain things within the community of AA that I've also had to kind of get more comfortable with. And that takes time. But yeah, I'm just proud that you're saying that because there's so much nuance. And I think for people to listen and hear that, that's good. Because I will tell people, listen, go to an AA meeting online virtually, but turn your camera off and change your name.

Speaker 4:
[18:48] I've never been to... OK, and this is a thing that maybe is silly, but I'm scared that I don't belong there, that they're gonna be like, you're not sober enough.

Speaker 1:
[18:56] Thank you for saying that.

Speaker 4:
[18:58] I think especially being a woman in New York City, I was going out in my early 20s, I was dressing up, I wanted to be fabulous and drink the drinks.

Speaker 1:
[19:07] And by the way, you were very fabulous.

Speaker 4:
[19:08] Thank you. But I also, No Booze Babes is showing you, you can do all of those things still without alcohol, you can still dress up, you can still go to a fabulous dinner, I'm still out there dancing, doing all those things. It's not so scary and it's okay to ask questions.

Speaker 1:
[19:25] And you said something that I relate to so much. People that are sober still like to get dressed up and go out too. Hell yeah. I still like to go to a nice dinner, I still like to snack, go to ice cream, I still like to go to music, dance, whatever.

Speaker 4:
[19:38] Life isn't over.

Speaker 1:
[19:39] Exactly.

Speaker 4:
[19:39] There's a lot of judgment in the sober space too. I think that's why, again, I'm creating what I want. I wanted to be judgment free. People have come to you and been like, hey, I do drink and I don't want you to, I'm not judging you because this is hard. This is really hard and people's journeys are imperfect. And I'm not like, oh yes, everything's great. After you get sober, you have to deal with a lot of the feelings you've been numbing. You have to deal with different relationship dynamics. You have to get out there and date. You have to figure yourself out. It's funny that early in my 20s, when I was the most lost, when I was going through heartbreak and my parents divorced and moving to New York City and feeling like, who am I, where am I? That I was choosing to drink through that because I was taking myself away from me. I was numbing, that wasn't me. And I was doing a lot of things that I regret, that I would never have done sober.

Speaker 1:
[20:34] Have you forgiven yourself for any of those regrets?

Speaker 4:
[20:36] Oh yeah.

Speaker 1:
[20:37] Good.

Speaker 4:
[20:37] It's crazy.

Speaker 1:
[20:38] I sometimes will, it peaks back in my head, like something I've done six, seven years ago, but stuff on TV that I'm reminded about.

Speaker 4:
[20:45] I can imagine that Carl, and I feel for you on that because I'm like, people can rewatch your show and be like, oh, I can see all this stuff and-

Speaker 1:
[20:54] If they think it happened just like in that, something from six years ago, they think that's happening right now. But it seems like you're really good with forgiving yourself. Do you still hold on to stuff from the past before you got sober?

Speaker 4:
[21:06] I'm a Taurus. I hold on to everything, and I remember everything that people say, so don't cross me or my sisters.

Speaker 1:
[21:12] You heard it here first. Watch out for Taurus.

Speaker 4:
[21:14] Literally, watch out, the bull.

Speaker 1:
[21:16] I didn't know that about Taurus.

Speaker 4:
[21:17] Oh, yeah.

Speaker 1:
[21:17] My first car growing up was a Taurus.

Speaker 4:
[21:19] Your what?

Speaker 1:
[21:20] A Ford Taurus.

Speaker 4:
[21:21] I'm dead. I love that for you. But yeah, I mean, I think honestly getting sober helped me, and sharing openly about my sobriety helped me release a lot of the shame, because I'm like, that's not me anymore. I used to do that stuff, and that's why I can overshare about it and be like, yeah, I was having drunk sex, and I didn't remember, and I didn't know, and then I was sober being like, what am I do? I can recall some really shameful, I know we've exchanged stories of me finding throw up in a bag days later. You know what I mean? I'm like, I can say those things now because I'm not actively living that life anymore.

Speaker 1:
[21:55] Totally. Do you laugh at some of those stories?

Speaker 4:
[21:56] I do.

Speaker 1:
[21:57] I find laughing to be, it's like wrapping your arms around it. It's more comfortable, and if you can't laugh at it, then you're probably not healed over it, in a way.

Speaker 4:
[22:04] Hello, yeah.

Speaker 1:
[22:05] But you were talking about just like, you got sober. Now the whole world is back open to Shea. You've got New York City, you've got dating, you've got all this stuff happening. I'm curious, like, I'm still navigating the sober dating world. You seem to do it well, or at least that's what it looks like on Instagram. Talk to me about like, as soon as you're six months in with your account, you're dating maybe, how long until you like really started to put yourself out there after you got sober?

Speaker 4:
[22:31] So that's the thing, is that I actually was in a relationship when I got sober. And I don't know if I would have gotten sober if I wasn't in that relationship. It was with the high school sweetheart, we got back together.

Speaker 1:
[22:41] Now did he get sober?

Speaker 4:
[22:42] No, he didn't get sober, he didn't drink a lot. Because I can never be with someone who drinks a lot, it's just not for me. But I was always kind of the one who was getting crazy.

Speaker 1:
[22:54] Did he ever tell you, like, hey, Shea?

Speaker 4:
[22:56] No, but I will say, I didn't need him to in that time because I was coming home and locking myself in the bathroom and falling asleep, laying in the tub, like, wasted. And he would have to Jimmy the door open. And he didn't say, Shea. But I was like, that is not okay. I think when you're drinking is affecting another person, whether they say it or not, or affecting our plans the next day, or I'd be fuzzier. The thing that really killed me is, it wasn't like, oh, we're going out raging all the time. Me, I'm talking about me, not us. Sometimes we'd be cooking dinner together and we opened a bottle of wine. And by however many glasses you split, things start getting fuzzy. And sometimes we'd talk about deep things and I wouldn't remember the conversation. I couldn't recall the conversation. And I was like, again, I'm beating myself up on the inside. I can control this. I'm the one who's consuming this. Why am I letting this consume my life and taking away? So, yeah.

Speaker 1:
[23:57] How long did you guys stay together after you were now sober?

Speaker 4:
[24:01] I think like almost two years or something.

Speaker 1:
[24:03] But did the sobriety kind of really open yourself up to like what maybe the relationship wasn't fulfilling for you?

Speaker 4:
[24:08] Yeah, I think so.

Speaker 1:
[24:09] That's what I was curious. Did you like, being in a relationship, now you're sober, but knowing maybe it's not the right relationship?

Speaker 4:
[24:15] I mean, he was really supportive for sure. And I think what changed things was COVID happened. And we ended up moving back to California, which is where we were both from. And I think we just, we were just disconnected.

Speaker 1:
[24:26] One of those COVID relationships.

Speaker 4:
[24:28] That summer, I was so lost. I was drinking so heavily. And I met a girl that I was like, I'd never looked at women in a way of like, ooh, who are you? And that kind of rocked my worlds too.

Speaker 1:
[24:41] Got it.

Speaker 4:
[24:42] That's something that I haven't talked about because I was very confused with my feelings at that time. I was going through heartbreak. I was drinking heavily. We were drinking heavily together. We kind of had this summer romance. I was like, I don't know. I was drinking so much that I didn't know if like, it's just this person or maybe it's just because I feel comfortable when I'm drinking. I couldn't decipher because I was too busy drinking to really stick with my feelings. Oh yeah, we drink all the time together. They were a very toxic person, but I was like, I like the game. So I was like, it's all swept up in that.

Speaker 1:
[25:18] Yeah, well, when you're doing maybe some toxic behavior, it's nice to actually be around another person who can get in the trenches with you.

Speaker 4:
[25:25] Yeah, I was like falling downstairs. I had like huge like bruises from when we'd go out. And then it was like a weird thing of we were out together. Then these like older men would buy us drinks. And they were all like, it was so weird. Again, I was crazy.

Speaker 1:
[25:37] I appreciate you opening up about this. Because if I can just add, I want to be supportive of everything you've been through. And obviously there's something you're not comfortable sharing. Totally understand. Some of the meetings AA have gone to over the last five years in New York City, there's a meeting that I've gone to in the West Village. And there's a large amount of lesbian, gay, bisexual, trans community. It's amazing. It's such a diverse meeting. And a lot of times when I'm there, I think to myself, a lot of these folks, they have these stories of the struggle of coming out or finding their sexuality or understanding themselves better. There's so many sober people in these meetings. And it's fascinating and heart wrenching to hear these stories of people suppressing those feelings, drinking through it. And it was just, it made me think a little bit maybe about something you might have encountered, just like, okay, you get sober and now your real feelings are coming through, or maybe you're attracted to women or all that. So can you talk about a little bit of that feeling?

Speaker 4:
[26:32] Yeah. Well, thanks for bringing that up because I feel like in the queer community, there's alcohol everywhere, just in life. But yeah, to suppress our feelings, to people's families don't accept them, to try to cope. And again, during this time, I was at such a fragile time. And so I was like, what does this mean for me?

Speaker 1:
[26:52] You weren't even trusting yourself.

Speaker 4:
[26:54] I don't even know what this means for me, my sexuality. I have to tell my mom, I told my mom everything. I hate lying. It was just such a weird time. And then it kind of fizzled out and I moved to New York. And why we're here is because when I went through the breakup with my ex-boyfriend after, during COVID and all of that, I got a therapist. Finally, how long did it take you? I got a therapist. This therapist helped me through the breakup. But also I was like, hey, there's been this lingering curiosity about maybe dating women, maybe dating men and women. Also, I remember telling my sister, I think I need to, I owe it to myself to also date women and to see if there's something there.

Speaker 1:
[27:33] Try it out.

Speaker 4:
[27:34] And I think a huge part of my sobriety is also allowing myself to explore my sexuality and change my bumble to men and women and date sober, but also try to date a woman sober, which I've never done. You know what I mean? It's been such a journey and I'm just grateful where I am today and I'm in a relationship and my girlfriend is amazing, but it's just, she's really hot and smart and great and really a cheerleader for me.

Speaker 1:
[28:02] And that's everything. You're comfortable in your own skin, it seems like.

Speaker 4:
[28:06] But I think going back to me, being a people pleaser and wanting to appear perfect, I think me sharing No Booze Babes being like, I can't drink like everyone else. I suck when I drink. I make bad decisions. I do shit. I am embarrassed of all of this stuff. That was almost freeing for me, sharing that publicly. And a thing that I haven't shared as publicly is about my sexuality, because I'm like, oh my God, I have to come out about my sobriety and I have to come out about my sexuality. Especially when I...

Speaker 1:
[28:33] It's a lot to like all at once.

Speaker 4:
[28:35] Yeah, I'm like, yeah, I don't drink. And they're like, oh, having feelings about that. And they're like, okay, well, what about your boyfriend? And I have a girlfriend, you know, especially as a femme presenting person, I feel like I'm constantly like, I don't owe any of you my story, but also, yeah, I'm sober. I have a girlfriend. She's amazing. It's just, that's like who I am. It's where I am. It's taken a long time to get here, but if I hadn't gotten sober in that relationship, I wouldn't be here.

Speaker 1:
[29:00] You think you'd still be with that guy?

Speaker 4:
[29:01] Absolutely not.

Speaker 1:
[29:02] Okay, good.

Speaker 4:
[29:03] No, we can talk about that after the show.

Speaker 7:
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Speaker 8:
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Speaker 1:
[30:05] Well, it's one thing that I kind of surprised you about yourself once the alcohol was out. I mean, it takes some time, like really worked through your system, but like you're maybe eight months in. What surprises about Shea at that point, being alcohol free?

Speaker 4:
[30:18] I just like myself as I am. I don't really, I've always been social. I haven't really needed alcohol. I love like, you know, we've hung out and stuff. Like I love being out and meeting other people and all of this stuff.

Speaker 1:
[30:28] It's hard to even think about you under the influence because like you have such a energetic personality.

Speaker 4:
[30:33] Just think slurring, falling down with these long legs.

Speaker 1:
[30:36] Were you mean or nasty?

Speaker 4:
[30:38] I was like making out with bartenders. I was like...

Speaker 1:
[30:41] Kind of wish we did see each other back in the day.

Speaker 4:
[30:43] We probably were in a bar. I was reaching over making out with bartenders. I was like, again, it was like men. I was having like sex with men that I was like, I didn't care about. I didn't, I would have never done sober. Like I just was, I don't know what she was doing. She was just being crazy. But again, I wouldn't be here. I wouldn't be who I am. But what I've noticed about being sober and open about it is that it's brought amazing people. We wouldn't be here. It's brought amazing people to me.

Speaker 1:
[31:10] I've met so many amazing people. You being probably top of that list. Like I'm blown away by the doors.

Speaker 4:
[31:15] So meant to be. Like, thank God. Thank God we healed ourselves.

Speaker 1:
[31:18] I can't imagine not knowing you and going through kind of this world and navigating New York City, Brooklyn, business ownership, social media content, like all of it. Like you inspire me. So I can't even fathom the thought of never meeting you.

Speaker 4:
[31:33] No.

Speaker 1:
[31:33] But we met because of this choice that we make and this journey that we're on and trying to just live a better, healthy lifestyle.

Speaker 4:
[31:40] Yeah. And I didn't even know who you were. Like, that's the best part.

Speaker 1:
[31:43] Talk to me about this DM. Do you remember that?

Speaker 4:
[31:45] I had to go back because I was like, OK, what happened? OK. And this is what happened is my friend Danielle texted me one time. This was like, I think, after my breakup. I don't even know exactly the timeline, but she was like, hey, do you watch Summer House? And I was like, what is Summer House? I have no idea. And she's like, OK, there's a guy on it, Carl, and he's getting sober. And this is when I started No Booze Babes. I was like getting ready to host an event. She's like, you should date him. And instead of...

Speaker 1:
[32:11] You know how many people say that in my DMs?

Speaker 4:
[32:12] Oh yeah, everyone says it. We're like internet boyfriend or girlfriend. Basically. So I slid into your DMs and I invited you to my first ever No Booze Babes event. I did a happy hour and I was just like, oh, hey, I've never seen Summer House, but like I heard you're sober, so if you want to come to this, you didn't read it, Carl.

Speaker 1:
[32:30] I'm sorry.

Speaker 4:
[32:31] No, it's OK. But then three years later, I was like, time passes. Three years later, you're like, hey, I'm sorry I never saw this. Do you want to come try this NA Lover Boy? No, it's like, here we are. It was so meant to be like this.

Speaker 1:
[32:46] That was one of the funniest transitions of all time. But three years later, then you were responding.

Speaker 4:
[32:51] I feel like we've talked about things, but I'm like, I have to tell you on the podcast.

Speaker 1:
[32:55] I forgot it was three years. Well, can I tell you what I remember? We launched our amazing Loverboy non-alc. I was working with Kyle and Amanda. And we were coming up with who in New York City would be the ideal person to get that product when we launch. And I'm thinking, obviously, the sober community, maybe there's influencers. And I don't know how I saw you, but my explore page on Instagram is pretty dialed in. It's sports, it's cool watches, it's women, and then it's sobriety.

Speaker 4:
[33:24] In that order?

Speaker 1:
[33:25] Kind of, probably reversed. Women, sobriety, clothing.

Speaker 4:
[33:30] We love the honesty, Carl.

Speaker 1:
[33:31] But yeah, sorry. But I think I remember seeing what you were doing and the way you were going about it was like foreign to me almost. It was like, wait, you could be hot, you could be fun, you could be social and not drink.

Speaker 4:
[33:42] I remember meeting you and you were so open. You were telling me like what you were going through. And I was like, nice to meet you. I had no idea what you were talking about. But you, and I think that's something with sober people, there's an immediate connection, an unspoken, oh, I see you, I get you. We have some stories.

Speaker 1:
[34:02] Being vulnerable or being really open, how do you handle that? Because I'm so open.

Speaker 4:
[34:07] I'm so open that literally my girlfriend was like, maybe she'll work on being mysterious. And I was like, I don't know her. I don't know that.

Speaker 1:
[34:14] And can I ask, your girlfriend being obviously very supportive of your alcohol-free lifestyle, does she drink?

Speaker 4:
[34:19] Not really. Yeah.

Speaker 1:
[34:21] I think that does, as long as the other individual, partner, boyfriend, girlfriend, whoever it is, as long as they have a healthy relationship or at least a mindful relationship with it, I feel like that.

Speaker 4:
[34:31] I've never seen her drunk or anything.

Speaker 1:
[34:34] That's so important though in relationships.

Speaker 4:
[34:36] I would be so turned off. I remember I saw one of my exes drunk and I was like, this is what you are?

Speaker 1:
[34:41] Well, let me ask you, so with maybe your partner or someone else prior to that, like you're on one of your first dates with a woman, maybe things are going well. How are you navigating this like new area?

Speaker 4:
[34:51] Well, women are the best and they're so understanding. I changed my bumble. Here we go. Everyone buckle up. I changed my bumble to men and women. And I was like, cool, let's see what's going on. And I used the prompts to my advantage. And I always suggest this for people on the apps. And I think there was a prompt that was like, what's one thing I should know about you? And I said, I don't drink, but I don't mind if you do. And I did like an upside down, like whatever the upside down smiley, like playful, cheeky. So I'm like, hey, this is gonna filter out the people who are not for me, who are like, oh my God, you don't drink. Like bye.

Speaker 1:
[35:21] You just put it right on your page, I don't drink.

Speaker 4:
[35:24] And it brought the right people to me, going back to that. And I remember, I think one of the first people that I went out with was like, oh, I'm also sober. And I was like, okay, sick. Like it drew people to me or people are like, oh my God, this is so refreshing. I don't want to drink on a first date. Cause what things get muddy. You're like, are they a good kisser? You go home with them. You're like, why did I even do that? Just sobriety helped me to just be myself and know my worth and bring the right people to me.

Speaker 1:
[35:51] I think the bringing the right people is such an interesting cause I think when the fear some people have, and I know when I first got sober, it's like telling someone on a date that you don't drink. But I always would say, they already would know that before you got to the date, hopefully, about you. Cause if you're just confident in your story and who you are, tell them.

Speaker 4:
[36:09] And I've grown in my confidence. I've had to practice. Dating, I remember I went on a date with a guy and he was pestering me about the non-drinking. Like, I don't get it. So what's the point of non-alcoholic beer? What's... And I was like, dude, why are we fighting about this? Like, I do find that women were a lot more understanding because they were like, I just want to know you. I don't need to know why you drink or not. Like, you know, and I'm sure there are guys like that, but I wasn't going on the dates with them. So that's just how it happened.

Speaker 1:
[36:36] Sobriety can shift people's relationship with gender and sexuality. I'm just curious your perspective on some of that.

Speaker 4:
[36:42] I mean, yeah, that's exact, I think.

Speaker 1:
[36:44] Did that surprise you?

Speaker 4:
[36:46] Yeah, it surprised me. It scared me. For a long time, I didn't even, like, I always say, like, my coming out was like, maybe only two years ago. And that was when I told my mom, cause she's like my everything.

Speaker 1:
[36:59] You told your mom you're first?

Speaker 4:
[37:00] Oh, I told my friends knew that I had like a summer. I'm so proud of you. My sisters knew.

Speaker 1:
[37:03] It's just awesome.

Speaker 4:
[37:04] Thank you. I mean, one of my sisters was there, like, you know, so they knew I was curious.

Speaker 1:
[37:08] Is that scary telling them?

Speaker 4:
[37:10] No, never my girls. My girls are my everything and my friends. I went to a performing arts college. They're all like, everyone's like, hey.

Speaker 1:
[37:16] Did anybody go, I knew?

Speaker 4:
[37:18] No, people were like, oh my God, like, fuck yeah. Like, that's hot. Like, good, good for you. Like, maybe there's a little spice to you, Shea. Like, you know what I mean? They're like, okay, cool. Like, we don't know everything about you. But it was really hard to tell my mom. And I think that by that time, I was like, I need to know that this is me, that like I am queer, that maybe I'm just open to dating whoever. Like, that includes women. It may not be the picture that she sees of me. So I was like, mom, I didn't go on a date with someone I met, whatever. Like, it was a girl.

Speaker 1:
[37:50] And you had this conversation in person or over the phone?

Speaker 4:
[37:52] On the phone. I didn't do anything right, Carl. Like, I said it to her right before she flew in the next day. Like, it was horrible. It was actually horrible. She couldn't really look at me. Like, and my mom's the best. She couldn't really look at me for a little bit.

Speaker 1:
[38:03] Well, I hope you telling this story would might help someone who's watching or listening. I think it will because-

Speaker 4:
[38:08] I know she's the best. She loves Jess.

Speaker 1:
[38:10] Well, you deserve that.

Speaker 4:
[38:11] It takes time.

Speaker 1:
[38:12] That's so sweet, but it takes time.

Speaker 4:
[38:14] Yeah.

Speaker 1:
[38:14] Do you think the sobriety changed what you're looking for and what you're willing to tolerate?

Speaker 4:
[38:18] Fuck yeah. Oh yeah. You're not like, oh, what? I just feel like you trust yourself so much more. Just like I trusted that voice, like girl, maybe your life would be better without drinking. Now I'm even like, I'm just more in tune with my body. And you gotta listen to that. Your intuition will tell you, your women's intuition will tell you something's right or wrong. And then so I'm really trying to like, and I'm working on it, to like listen to myself and be like, what is my body telling me? Like, how do I feel being around this kind of person? And how do I feel like when I'm working with a brand and they're like doing this and that, you know what I mean?

Speaker 1:
[38:51] Like, hmm. You gotta honor that and listen to that. Cause I'm a big believer in the energy and the body. Cause I, in my sobriety, I know, my body knows. It'll tell you in different ways, but you gotta listen to it and kind of take a second cause it will inform you. And I love hearing that you say that cause that's exactly how I am.

Speaker 4:
[39:07] When I was like, when I was drinking, I was like, am I sick? Am I this? Am I that? I didn't know because if I drank the night before, I'm like, oh, it's probably cause I drank. That I, but now I really can, I know when I'm sick. I know when I'm not just like, oh, I'm kind of still hungover.

Speaker 1:
[39:23] You know where your baseline is.

Speaker 4:
[39:24] Yeah, like you can listen to yourself. That has been like such a huge gift, listening to yourself. If I didn't listen to myself and that little voice, I was like, take a break, girl. Or like, don't drink forever. Start the page, go on a date with a girl, even though it's scary. Like DM someone who's, I guess, on a hit show and you know what I mean? Like I'm able to just go.

Speaker 1:
[39:43] Yeah. And how do you go through life now without numbing? I mean, what are your outlets for? Let's say Shea has a tough day, you have an audition and maybe it doesn't go as well as you wanted. You come back. What are tools or resources that you have to not use alcohol?

Speaker 4:
[39:59] I mean, my support system is amazing. And I think that's again, why No Booze Babes is so important to me because I want people to feel supported and like they're not alone. And yeah, if I have a bad day, I can like call my mom. I can like talk to my partner. I have my sisters.

Speaker 1:
[40:12] Everyone's well, you've shared on your social if you're having a moment too, I've noticed. Or even you've talked about some of your audition stuff and some of the more performance acting. I want you to keep sharing some of that.

Speaker 4:
[40:22] I should.

Speaker 1:
[40:23] Because I think it's really interesting to root for you. And I think you have incredible talent. Like you can tell you are like really good and gifted with dance and performing. So it's cool to see you open up more about that because I'm with you on the perfection post thing. Like I want to look great. Some of the videos and podcasts we've done here, I'm like, oh, I have a pimple here. And I'm like, I am my own worst.

Speaker 4:
[40:42] I love that you're doing this because like, you know, and I think we're still getting to know each other. But like what I know of you, I'm like, I think even just seeing people comment on videos, we do together or something, like people are so hard on you, but also like they think they know you. And I'm like, anyone is lucky to know you. You are just like, I'm like, he's a really good, nice guy. Like you are, you don't put that on. That's not fake. That is who you are at your core. You care about your people. You're doing amazing things. You're leaping and trying things. And you're brave. And I just like, I'm so proud of you for that. And I want people to know that that is genuinely you.

Speaker 1:
[41:17] You make me look good, for sure. I just love hearing about, you have such a wealth of think perspective and things you've been through. And especially as it relates to the queer community, it's so important for people to hear that. And I think you're gonna really help a lot of people, especially today with just everything you're sharing. I hope you're feeling good about it.

Speaker 4:
[41:34] I feel like this is like a safe space, because I guess I haven't shared about it as openly, but again, I'm not carrying shame from it.

Speaker 1:
[41:42] But it's important for people to see that, because I think there's probably a lot of women out there, and I'm sure some men out there that are wanting to relate to someone. And I think what you just shared today and how you're sharing it will really help someone relate to it. And it's gonna literally help someone's life. And that's such a beautiful thing.

Speaker 4:
[41:56] Thank you. Well, I'm proud of you. And I just want to say one last thing of like, I know we talk about our sobriety a lot, but I think the cool thing is that our sobriety has opened up so many doors for us. And sometimes I'm like, I am so much more than my sobriety for sure. I do so many things. We do so many things. You're doing all the things, Carl. You're on tour here, left and right, taking a run there.

Speaker 1:
[42:17] Well, I mean, don't compare.

Speaker 4:
[42:19] But I'm just saying like at our core, our sobriety has helped us to become who we are, has helped us to explore who we are, has helped us to take leaps. And I think that that's what's so cool and important, but we are so much more than our sobriety.

Speaker 1:
[42:34] Totally.

Speaker 4:
[42:34] I mean, that's like, that's why I'm glad you're doing this.

Speaker 1:
[42:36] Yeah.

Speaker 4:
[42:36] So people get to know you on another level.

Speaker 1:
[42:39] Totally. Well, what's one thing, I asked this of all my guests here at More Life. What's one thing giving you more life right now? It could be a person, it could be a beverage, it could be a blog.

Speaker 4:
[42:50] Honestly, this conversation gave me more life right now. Like I'm so grateful to have you as a friend, but also have like this safe space because like I have been nervous to share about things like the perfectionist in me, the wanting to be liked by everyone.

Speaker 1:
[43:03] It's normal. Yeah. Totally normal.

Speaker 4:
[43:05] One more thing that's giving me so much life is my niece.

Speaker 1:
[43:09] Shout out to your beautiful niece.

Speaker 4:
[43:10] Oh my God.

Speaker 1:
[43:10] Shea's sister just had a baby, how? Two months ago?

Speaker 4:
[43:12] Four months ago.

Speaker 1:
[43:13] Four months?

Speaker 4:
[43:14] She's everything.

Speaker 1:
[43:15] Shea is an auntie?

Speaker 4:
[43:16] No, but like she's giving me more life because I'm just like, I want to be everything for her. I want to show her everything. I want her to know she can do anything and everything.

Speaker 1:
[43:27] I mean, how beautiful is that your niece, when she gets to an age where she'll actually kind of know what's going on, you'll be so present, so clear, so confident. Your sisters also will be. It's such a beautiful thing. The effort you've put in and all the hard work you've made is going to impact the next generation of your sister and your family.

Speaker 4:
[43:45] Well, that's like-

Speaker 1:
[43:45] There's so much beauty in that.

Speaker 4:
[43:46] Yeah, and that's what I've thought when I was drinking. Like, I can't be a mom, and if my kids like, Mom, come pick me up, and I've had a couple of glasses of wine, like, I don't have to worry about that. I can like show up and be there and be fully present, and be that mom that does the pickups, and even if my kids like in high school secretly drinking, and I'm like, yeah, you're underage, but I will come get you. Like, I will be there for you. Like, you know. Do you want to have kids?

Speaker 1:
[44:11] I do. I 100% want to have kids. I will say, after my brother had passed, I went to my brother's funeral. Obviously, I'm not trying to get too negative or dark here, but when I saw my niece, she looks like a Radke family member. She looks like my brother. She looks like my brother's former girlfriend who was the baby mother. Like, I see her and I look at myself and I look at my brother, because we look similar. And it reminded me of like, what do you leave behind? And she's going to be the one carrying on the family. And it reminded me of how much I do want to have family and have kids. But I got to meet the right person, and then that will happen and fall into place. But I'm trying to really attract, not chase. And I think that's so far seems to be working. But do you think there's any merit in attraction versus chasing?

Speaker 4:
[45:01] I'm an attractor.

Speaker 1:
[45:02] Yeah. But did you chase when you drank? Probably.

Speaker 4:
[45:05] Yeah, probably. Yeah. I think I just didn't know my worth and I was just like, oh, whatever. Like, I'll just...

Speaker 1:
[45:10] You know your worth.

Speaker 4:
[45:11] Yeah, I know my worth.

Speaker 1:
[45:12] You're a badass bitch.

Speaker 4:
[45:13] And you're a badass bitch.

Speaker 1:
[45:14] Sorry for the B word. I meant it didn't like...

Speaker 4:
[45:16] How dare you? No, I love that. No. Bring it on. I'm a badass bitch.

Speaker 1:
[45:19] Well, I'm so grateful for you. Your friendship, your support of the business. I'm just so proud and happy for you. Like, it's been cool to see you rise and you continue to do things. And I feel like you've got so much more ahead. I really believe that.

Speaker 4:
[45:31] We both do.

Speaker 1:
[45:32] Thank you guys for joining us on More Life. Shea Gomez, everybody. Thank you for being here.

Speaker 4:
[45:36] Thanks.

Speaker 1:
[45:37] Cheers. More Life is produced by Annie Siegel and executive produced by Adam Reynolds of Denim Pictures. This episode was directed by Annie Siegel, edited by Mike Urtiz, and recorded at Softbar Studios in Brooklyn, New York. More Life is a production of Sony Music Entertainment. From Sony, our executive producers are Chris Skinner and Joanna Clay. Original music by Function Adams. Set design by Michael Ignacio. Publicity by Caitlin Healy. Additional support from Abby Sharp. Special thanks to Allison Shano and Joanna Orland. New episodes drop every Tuesday. We'll see you next time.

Speaker 6:
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