transcript

Speaker 1:
[00:01] Hey, what's going on? It's Bill Burr, and it's time for the Monday Morning Podcast for Monday, April 20th, 2026. What's going on? How are you? Oh, Jesus. Jesus H Christ, what a fucking liver shot that Bruin's loss was yesterday. I have to tell you, I didn't flip out at all. I didn't scream, and I was sitting there with my kids, and I was just like expressionless. I don't know what it was. I just kind of felt like when it was two to nothing, with like 10 minutes to go. Even before that, I had this sinking feeling. I thought it was going to happen in the second period, but I had this sinking feeling. I'm like, they're going to fucking tie this game up and we're going to lose it in overtime. I don't know why. I don't know why I was thinking that, but in no way, shape or form did I think they were going to score four fucking goals in the final 10 minutes. Yeah, I was thinking, if we could just with five minutes left, if it's still two to nothing, I think we can win this game. But I knew if it became two to one, I knew we were going to be on our heels and then they were going to score and they were going to tie it up. But I did not think that they were going to win that in fucking regulation. That took me back to when we thought we forced a game seven against the Blackhawks and then they tied it up and then they won it. And then all of a sudden they were skating around with the Stanley Cup and you're like, wait, what the fuck just happened? Is it over? I do take a little, that fucking guy on the Sabres was like, you know, we weren't scared. This is what we do. Oh, you're fucking you weren't scared. I saw the looks on your faces. You were freaking out. So was the crowd. It's Buffalo. You just they you they all stop waving their fucking pom poms for like almost two full periods. We went up one nothing. The pom poms came down and it was quiet.

Speaker 2:
[02:05] It was like a fucking funeral in there.

Speaker 1:
[02:07] And then all of a sudden, that guy had that little cunty backhand, the fucking seven foot guy.

Speaker 2:
[02:12] And then they were like, oh, my God, I think it could happen.

Speaker 1:
[02:16] Then you guys all came back.

Speaker 2:
[02:19] Let's not fucking, okay?

Speaker 1:
[02:23] You won the fucking game, but don't insult me by acting like there's anybody confident in Buffalo in a sports sense, okay? You had Rick James, that was a confident guy, but he was making music. There has never been anybody in the history of sports in Buffalo, New York, that was ever confident that success was coming. Get the fuck out of here, all right? And I'm speaking from experience, because I grew up in Boston, outside of Boston during the dark ages. We did have the Celtics, but even then, even then, fucking Len Bias dies, and then that fucked all of us. We still got three though. Oh God, what the fuck would have happened? Lakers definitely would have at least one less banner hanging from their rafters. Maybe Larry Bird wouldn't have had to play so many minutes. His back doesn't get fucked up. Who knows? Who knows? Oh my God. Dude, I saw this fucking, the comment section sometimes on some of these videos, like the level of funny that the average person is now, I'm telling you, it's like on standup comic level. So there was this guy, he was playing pick up basketball. He didn't have a shirt on. He was like rail thin, but not like high metabolism thin, like more like meth thin. And he had on these acid washed jeans and with basketball shorts peeking out of the bottom, and basketball shoes on. He didn't take his pants off and he was just out there schooling people, passing the ball and shooting it. And fucking, I can't remember all the nicknames. Just my favorite one was somebody called, somebody called them Kevin McInhale.

Speaker 2:
[04:27] I was just like, Jesus Christ, I couldn't come up, I allegedly do this for a living.

Speaker 1:
[04:32] I do do it for a living, but Jesus fucking Christ, that's fucking brilliant. So whoever wrote that, thank you for that laugh. Anyway, so as much as Buffalo, I can't believe they had pom poms at a fucking hockey game. It's bad enough there's no fights anymore, nobody really takes the body, they're just out there skating around. It's, but it is good though, you know, cause I don't like talking that shit where, you know, everybody, oh, it was better back in the old days. And it's just like, all right, but why don't we put your brain out there on the ice and you take one of those fucking hits as you follow through on a shot and Scott Stephens just comes by with a fucking chin high elbow, you know? Remember those guy, you know, he plays right on the edge. That's the best thing a Homer announcer would say about a fucking, a guy out there headhunting trying to end careers. But what? It was legal back then. It's like, yeah, it was legal back then. But most people out of respect wouldn't do it. You know what I mean? So it's like hooking up with the 16 year old in most states. But, you know, that's like, you know, so what? It's legal. They apply that to sports. Same guys, same fucking guys. It's like, yeah, you know, it's fucking legal. But, you know, what are we doing here? What are we doing here? Anyway, I don't know. I don't know. I'm still, that was as surprising to me that we lost it in regulation as me not flipping out was. But whatever. Maybe I didn't flip out because I had an absolutely incredible, incredible weekend. AFI, the American Film Institute, which I didn't know what that stood for. Made an ass out of myself on the fucking red carpet. Was, was honoring Eddie Murphy. And they asked me to, you know, they if I wanted to go to the event, I was like, absolutely. I mean, it's Eddie Murphy. And the day before the event, they go, do you want to go up and say something? And I was like, in my head, I'm like, no, I'm gonna be too nervous to do anything with Eddie watching. But I knew I was just, I just immediately said yes before I chickened out. And then for like the next, you know, fucking 24 hours, I'm like, you couldn't give me two days notice before this thing, but I kind of had an idea of what I wanted to say. And I don't know, I can't do the teleprompter thing because I just sound like a robot. So I just sort of, I had an idea of what I was gonna say and I just went out there and winged it and sort of made fun of myself from the beginning. But I got to tell you, it went great and I got off stage. You know, it's one of those fucking things. I mean, it was him, all 10 of his kids, in-laws and everything. It was like the Kennedy compound. They were just fucking all there right down the barrel. And yeah, it was fucking nerve wracking. Once the second I got out there, I was fine. I was fine. And, but it was one of those things too, where you get off stage and you can't remember what you said. And so what I always do is I always ask Nia, I was like, how was that? How was that? And she goes, it was perfect. It was perfect. And oh my God, fucking the level of relief. And then the next day she showed me, she took the video of it. And they had behind you, it was weird. It was like you and a video of you. And then they were cutting to Eddie and she, they cut to it at one point and I was making them laugh. And I borderline got emotional. Like that's what, how big a deal that guy is. So I know the thing is going to be airing, I think the end of May. But it's one of the coolest things I've ever got to do. And the level of comedian, musician and all of that, that was going up on that stage, to be asked to be a part of that was, I don't know, probably the biggest honor I've gotten as far as being a comic and all of that type of stuff. So thank you to everybody involved with that. And I still like, can't believe it happened. And it was such a high the next day when she showed me the video. And that I almost had like a depression come down afterward. It was, you know, and then that after party afterwards, I, you know, I hung out with a couple of comics that I totally love and respect. And we were all just saying the same thing, or just how like, it was, it was a amazing night. And Eddie went up in the end and he was so goddamn effortlessly funny, of course, as always. But then also was like, you could see he was really touched by the whole evening. And it was just, it was, it was unreal. It was unreal. So, definitely check that out. And now today, something fucking burst on my street. So my whole street is cut off, so I can't get out of my driveway. And which is awesome. This is like a fucking adult snow day. So, you know, we, I woke up the next day after yesterday, after the Eddie Murphy thing, and Mia and Nia did like a little, like 36 hour, you know, staycation, just stayed at like a hotel, and we had breakfast out on this little balcony. And we ended up, she goes, all right, you know, right before we get home, can we stop at this little place, you know, this little bookstore that also sold records? And I was like, all right, because I've been trying to find, not trying to find, I mean, it exists, but I've been trying to get the Beastie Boys, Paul's Boutique on vinyl, because I got my fucking hi-fi stereo setup out here, man, in my, my office out here. And I ended up buying that. What the fuck, this is the shit that I got. I got, I got the Beastie Boys, Paul's Boutique, and ironically enough, one of the Beastie Boys samples. I got that Root Down album, Jimmy Smith Live. I got that one. I got the Hiccups now. And then I found this other one. It's a double album, The Jimi Hendrix Experience, Live at the Los Angeles Forum, April 26, 1969. And then what was the last thing I got? Oh, this is for me and Nia. I got Darrell Hall and John Oates, Rock and Soul something. I can't see. I still got the price tag on it, but it's got all their hits on it. And we have a bunch of records, but like it's Nia's collection and mine, and they're all kind of mixed together. So I got to alphabetize them or do something. But I don't know. The older I get, like the more like I just want to go back to doing shit that I used to do before the world got so fucked up. I don't know about you guys. Do you feel like you're just trying to make your life really like small? It's like a stress response to the level of fucking just out of control corporate greed. How about Live Nation? Finally getting called a fucking monopoly. Jesus Christ. Well, there you go. I think the smoking gun for that was the emails within the office of them openly laughing at how bad they were fucking their own customers. If that isn't a statement of a monopoly, I don't know what is. Because like I was saying, like back in the day when capitalism was regulated, they would break up monopolies. So all you had was the quality of your product and how you treated your customers. So if you're fucking your customers and you're just sitting there openly discussing it and laughing and calling them stupid, that is a testament that you are a monopoly because it's like, where else are you going to go? We own all the venues, we fucking own everything. Just also, the fucking arrogance of that, of fucking them that hard because who gets blamed for it? Nobody knows their names, the person standing on stage and then I would get all those fucking e-mails, going like, dude, what the fuck, this amount to park, they literally think that we're involved in how much you get paid for parking. It's like, dude, they're fucking us too. Fucking 20 ways to Sunday. Anyway, so I hope more of that happens in the future because this is not good. The combination of unregulated capitalism and the technology that exists, that you now, once you get your foothold in a certain area of business, you close the door behind you, and nobody else can make money in that fucking area of business except for you, and you're going to get rid of everybody. And this is what I love too. This fucking AI technology. How come they're just, they're using AI to replace the working man? You know, if you really want to cut costs, why don't you make an AI CEO? You know, that is fucking empathetic, cares about the middle class, you know, worries about the future of the planet.

Speaker 2:
[15:20] Why don't you do that?

Speaker 1:
[15:22] Doesn't take a fucking nine-figure bonus every Christmas because he fired 4,000 fucking people? That would be better for everybody, including the rich fucks, because I don't think they're doing, they're not doing the math. It's like if you lay off 4,000 people, they can't buy whatever product you're fucking making, you know? Because they just do, what? It's fucking legal, you know? As they're bribing politicians to make new laws to say that they can do this fucked up shit. All right, I'm off my fucking stump here. So anyway, I have a gig coming up where I'm going to play a little bit of drums so I have to learn some fun songs and then one what was really difficult for me the last time I played. So it's a Zeppelin song. But I've been playing a lot and really fucking freeing myself up. Like, finally, there's not me and the drums. Like, I feel like we're becoming closer together. You know what I mean? Like, you just got to be like, I don't know, any sort of like however you're performing or whatever you're doing, you just got to be like, you want to be chill. Like, I'll tell you, you know, before I went out on that, that AFI thing, like, I was fucking freaking out and I was like, I just paid attention to my breathing. I was like, all right, diaphragm, diaphragm. Breathing the diaphragm. If you breathe from the diaphragm, even though you know what you're about to do is fucking nerve wracking, your body will be like, oh, there's no reason to get into fight or flight. If you're new to stand up comedy, here's some information that you probably organically know. To be in the fight or flight mode and then to try to go out and make people laugh is not a good place to be in. So anyway, I've just been forcing myself to make mistakes. I always made mistakes, but I was always trying not to. Now, I'm just like, no, completely shit the bed. On the drums, just hear something and try to play it. You know, I'm not playing at a really fast tempo, but like just try and try to come out on one. And if you don't, guess what? Who gives a fuck? Who gives a fuck? Because I didn't realize that, like I was making all of these rules in my head. I can't, I can't, I can't do that. I don't, I don't know how to do that. And it's just like, well, yeah, nobody does Bill. And then, then they try and then they keep doing it, you know, unless you're a fucking prodigy. I saw this thing the other day, I heard this Buddy Rich story. And they were trying to sell Buddy Rich on a new bass drum pedal. And go, yeah, yeah, you can get this new bass drum pedal. It's got all this technology and it'll, it'll make you play even faster. And Buddy Rich goes, he goes faster than who? That's fucking amazing. That is some fucking, that is just like, oh, that's right, I forgot.

Speaker 2:
[18:54] I'm talking to Buddy Rich.

Speaker 1:
[18:57] I heard that story.

Speaker 2:
[18:57] Did I already tell you these stories?

Speaker 1:
[18:58] I heard two really good ones. I heard another one, and there was some trumpet player who won the Downbeat Trumpet Player of the Year award, you know, back when jazz was mainstream popular music, and it was literally like winning a Grammy or an Oscar. And I think it was Chet Baker, was that who? I can't remember the guy. I'm not, I don't know enough about that type of music. But anyway, I think he won it. And of course, he's sitting there going like, Jesus Christ, I won it. They didn't give it to Miles. Were they sick of giving it to Miles? So he ends up running into Miles and he goes, oh man, I'm sorry. Like, he's literally apologizing for winning it. And he goes, I almost wrote you a letter of apology when I, when I, I don't know why they gave it to me. And I almost wrote you that letter of apology. And Miles goes, goes, motherfucker, you got about 15 other people you got to write letters to before you write one to me. Oh, wait, I think I told you that. Did I tell you guys that? I can't remember. I'm a, I'm a fucking old man. I can't remember what the hell I told you anymore. And I'm also flying high off of that gig Saturday night. Thank God. Oh, my God. You know what was funny was right before they asked me, I was so excited to go. I was just happy that they asked me. And I said, Nia was going like, you know, she's always checking on me, in on me, because, you know, in the past, when before I fucking got on the other side of this shit, I was such a moody, depressed person at any moment that she was, you know, would sort of try to get the temperature of the water. She'd be like, how you feeling? How you feeling? I'm like, this is fucking great. This is great. This is like, you know, anytime I go to these events, I'm usually going on at some point. So I got to like be in my head and thinking about what I'm going to do and da da da da da. This is great. I can just go here and enjoy all of these brilliant people going up there talking about Eddie. And then I'm going to say, yeah, I'm just, you know, happy to be an audience member. I was like super chill. And then like fucking on our way over to the hotel. Hey, guess what?

Speaker 2:
[21:18] You're going in.

Speaker 1:
[21:20] Back up Goal Tender Billy. Okay. Okay.

Speaker 2:
[21:23] What was that thing from?

Speaker 1:
[21:26] What was that great Canadian movie? Protect the Short Side. What the fuck was that one? Hey, you hosers. Those fucking beer-drinking guys. Was it Rick Moranis? In the end, he's playing hockey against those robots. And they just come down and they just skate right into him, slam into him, like just absolutely destroy him. And he gets up and he just like nonchalantly goes, hey, he was in the crease. I watched that movie a thousand times. What the fuck was it called? Ah, what the are you gonna do? You know, you try, and then it goes away. Anyway, oh, everybody, next week, this time next week, I'll be in New York City for the 13th annual Patrice O'Neill Comedy Benefit, Tuesday, April 28th at the New York City Center Theater, in New York City. We got an incredible lineup. We got Adam Ray, we got David Tell, we got Drew Dunn, another Boston guy, Jordan Jensen, Matt Richards, Zarna Garg and me, Bill Burr. As always, the Great Rich Foss will be our MC and we'll have some special guest drop-ins. Tickets are on sale now and they can be purchased at patricecomedybenefit.live. Oh, sorry, at patricecomedybenefit.live. All right, everybody, it's time for the advertising here, advertisements for this week. Look at who it is, everyone, it's Hims. Erectile dysfunction is way more common than most guys think. Millions of guys deal with it at some point and that's exactly why Hims offers a straightforward way to handle it. Hims connects you with licensed health care providers online, giving you simple access to legitimate erectile dysfunction, options from home, no awkward appointments, no talk, my fucking dick doesn't work, no pharmacy lines, just to complete a simple online intake. And a provider will review your information to determine if treatment is right for you. If prescribed, your treatment ships directly to your door in discrete packaging. That includes, I don't know how to say this, sildenafil, sildenafil, sildenafil, also known as generic for viagra. Available through hymns at up to 95% less than brand name versions. People, do you really want to go four-stripe Adida when it comes to your dick?

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Speaker 1:
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Speaker 2:
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Speaker 1:
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Speaker 2:
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Speaker 1:
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[35:58] I like how they just talk shit.

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[36:22] Code Burr.

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Speaker 2:
[36:31] All right, simply safe.

Speaker 1:
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Speaker 2:
[36:50] But you're giving a huge presentation at work.

Speaker 1:
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Speaker 2:
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Speaker 1:
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Speaker 1:
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Speaker 2:
[38:04] There's no safe like simply safe.

Speaker 1:
[38:07] No, shipstation.com code Burr. There we go. Sorry about that, everybody. Look, I do my best. You know, what did I just do? Clicking. I'm clicking. There's the screen I want. Okay. Oh, we got, we got the reads here for the week. Not the reads. We have the questions asked by you guys. And by the way, thank you for all you guys continuing to come out to my shows. I really do appreciate it. No bullshit. You know, it's a tough goddamn economy. There's a lot of shit out there to choose from, you know? Everything from standup comedy to people hammering nails into the end of their dicks. I mean, these people, this is all the competition out there. All right, I'm gonna fucking lay down on the couch here for the rest of this podcast, because goddamn it, what do I care, huh? What do I care? I had a great fucking weekend. All the stress is gone. All the worry, and as always, I worried, I worried, I worried, and then it went fucking great. All right, attack by seagulls. Oh my God. Now, are seagulls and pigeons really dirty birds? Are they really that dirty, or is it just they're close enough for us to see how filthy all the birds are? I don't know. I will say the other day, I was sitting on my back porch as I do. I'm in my back porch years, and the amount of birds singing in the trees, it was like I was in the beginning of a Disney movie. It was Snow White skipping down the fucking trail. You know, no bear mace, nothing. She doesn't have to worry about anything. She's a fucking princess, right? That was like the level that these birds were singing. And then all of a sudden, they just stopped. And I looked up in the air, and there was these two hawks just circling around. And I was like, oh, I see what happened. Dad's home. Dad is home. All right, Attack by Seagulls. Billy, Billy, Orange Taint. Very specific. All right, greetings from Dublin, Ireland. You know, a few weeks ago, a few weeks ago on your podcast, you were talking about birds and your lack of trust of them. I am 26 and have been attacked by seagulls nine times in my life. Well, you must live on the water, huh? Stop eating your corned beef sandwich outside. Why don't you go inside? You silly cunt. Is that what you guys call each other over there? I'm not going to bore you with each beating, but I'll give you the story of my first avian altercation. Jesus Christ, dude. You should watch that movie, that Alfred Hitchcock movie, The Birds. The first time I was eight years old. Jesus Christ, that must have been fucking traumatic. I was eight. You know what? You might have just been old enough. If that happened at six, that would have altered who you married. But eight, eight is when you're starting to get a little protective lining outside of yourself. The first time I was eight during, I don't know how to say this, Susbeg, S-U-S-B-E-A-G, Irish for lunchtime. I was strutting around the playground with a mighty ham and cheese sandwich in my hand, when suddenly a massive seagull swooped all in capitals down and tried to take the fucking thing out of my hands. I then began to battle this winged demon. There you go! I love eight-year-old you. You didn't just fucking quit. When out of the corner of my eye, two teachers blissfully ignored me and walked straight past. Well, I mean, that's the Irish way. Oh, the Scottish way. I remember one time seeing this Scottish comic on stage in Scotland. I couldn't understand a word he was saying, and everybody was dying laughing, and then me and Mia were laughing because we couldn't understand him. And the only thing I understood was he tagged a joke with, you know, what do you say? He said, toughen up, you wee cunt. So that's probably what they were thinking. So they walked straight past. Even at eight years of age, I knew the fight was pointless. Was I really going to continue to eat this sandwich if I won? Yeah, but you had the satisfaction of fucking looking at that bird as you threw it out. Uh, the seagull got away with most of my lunch. I fell to my arse. And just like that, my battle against the gull species began. Oh, yeah, dude, go fuck yourself, ginger obelix. Hey, you know, that's a great beginning to a movie. Like one of those revenge karate movies. Like at some point, I have to think that a seagull, grabbing your sandwich, you know, I feel like the move is you pull this sandwich in close to you as your other hand comes in and smashes that thing right in its fucking face. It's sort of like a right hook, depending on what hand you carry your sandwich in. But like at that point, I think you give it three quick ones. And then you break its fucking neck, and then you pick it up by its feet, and then you shake it over your head, so all the other birds... I don't know, you know, seagulls don't rattle. They don't give a fuck. They just think, good, one less, more fucking ham and cheese sandwich for me. Those things try to eat other birds, and they like swallow them whole. Pelicans do that. It's, I don't know, man. Nature is, I don't know. I swear to God. Forget about what human beings do to each other, what predators do to prey. And then you go to church on Sunday and they talk about a loving God, and that there's a hell after this if you're an asshole. It's like, it gets worse than this. Like, worse than what I see on the news, worse than what I see out there, the inequality, the greed, false flag. It gets worse than this. That's what you're telling me? I watched this, this is a fucking horrific story. I saw this thing one time where this fucking baboon, not even that, I think like a spider monkey, it wasn't even like a bigger monkey, it would go up there, these little, it's weird, even at full size, they look like the size of like a baby deer. I mean, like a giant chihuahua. So when they get like big enough, they have like these horns and these monkeys come down and they try to take their babies. And what they do is when they take the baby, they break the fucking their back legs so they can't run away. And then they eat them alive from the back end. And they do it from the back so they want for whatever reason, it tastes better to them if the thing is still alive when they eat. It was, I had to shut it off. It was one of the most horrific thing. Like, like God really did a good job with with cats as far as like lions, tigers, mountain lions and shit. What I love about those predators is they fucking, they choke you out. And if you talk to like any of these professional fighters in the UFC, they say out of any, if they're going to lose a fight, they would like to be, you know, choked out or like submitted. You don't want to get knocked out. Obviously for the longterm effects on your life and your career. And it's just like that. That's what lines do. They just, they take you back. They fucking put you to sleep. Like, I mean, this is a fucked up thing. But if you watch that video of Siegfried and Roy, that fucking tiger grabs Roy by the neck and he just goes limp. That's it, done, out, over. And if there weren't people there, he would have had a nice quick death. But of course humans intervened and then he had to fucking lay in a hospital bed. I don't know that he ever regained conscious. I mean, obviously it was fucking horrific, but that was way better than, you know, Siegfried and Roy, if their fucking act was to have a, you know, make bears, you know, ride bicycles. And somehow one of them decided to jump off that fucking Apollo 3 speed and ripped off his muzzle, like, and get mauled to death. We all said that Leonardo DiCaprio movie, right? Or Grizzly Man, fuck that, fuck that. Anyway, so I think to move, I think what you should do to heal your inner child, my Irish friend, is I think that you should be walking around with a ham and cheese sandwich, maybe in the same fucking area. And like, like entrapment. I mean, this wouldn't hold up in court, but let one of those birds come down. And then I just think you give Neil right there, Fred. You let him get a good fucking hold on it. Maybe don't punch it. I think you just go in and you just grab that fucker right by its neck. Right by its fucking neck. And then you do the old to and fro, right? Fucking body slam to this side body slam. That's like you're waving the checkered flag at the end of a race. You fuck that bird up. Then you chop its head off. You take the feathers off. You throw it on the grill. I don't even think PETA gives a fuck about seagulls. All right, Super Size Me Guy. Hey, old Billy Sideburn Tits. I don't even know what that even means. When you mentioned Super Size Me and how Trump eats exactly like that guy and still hasn't kicked a bucket in your most recent episode, I had to write in, because I recently found out the guy from Super Size Me was actually an alcoholic who admitted to never being sober for more than a week in 30 years. The doctor in the movie looks at his horrible health results at the end of the movie and said any alcohol abuse, and he totally denies he's been binge drinking and fucking up his liver since he was 13. Oh, wow. The best part is, I can guarantee you, Trump doesn't know about that, which means he's been eating all of that processed horse meat on a bun all these years, not caring that he's gonna end up like the guy in the movie. Yeah, but if he's not drinking, dude, he's the president. He's got like fucking 20 doctors, the best guys in the world, keeping him alive. But to be fair, I don't think you could supersize old Donnie Trumple Stiltskin any more than he already is. The guy looked like half an inflated beach ball got rolled around in turmeric and blasted with a leaf blower. Yeah, I heard he's not looking too good these days. I don't watch any of that nonsense. I don't watch any of that fucking nonsense. It's all fucking nonsense. That Speaker of the House, she is worth $100 million. She's as big a criminal as Donald Trump is. She just doesn't have the opportunities that he does. They're all pieces of shit. And if you're picking a team, I don't know, if that makes you feel better, yeah, do that. Anyway, but yeah, it might not have been the McDonald's that killed him. Might have been the liver giving up after a 30-year alcohol onslaught. You know what? I would agree with that. I remember Bill Maher said one time, he talked about, you know, every man at some point has to stop drinking or you're gonna end up looking like Ted Kennedy. That's what he said. And it's the truth, like nothing. As far as, I mean, obviously meth and that harder drugs, but like, as far as like, you know, the sort of legal drugs that they're allowed you to do, nothing fucks you up like an ages you like alcohol. You know, taking a couple of hits off a joint as opposed to, you know, having a couple of stiff ones at the end of the night. Jesus Christ, bloats your face and all. And like none of it's good. We all know that none of it is good. But you know, how else do you combat the news? Anyway, that's all good points. It's weird. Then they'll go like, oh, having one drink a day is actually fucking good for you. Yeah, dude, that's how it starts, one drink. And then it's just like, I can polish off that bottle in three nights. Dumb viral story. Hey, Bill, you remember months ago that couple got caught cheating on their spouses when the Jumbotron cam caught them at a Coldplay concert? Dumb story. I didn't give a shit about it. Hey, none of that was any of my business. I hated hearing people's takes on it. It's just a distraction. Yeah, and also the amount of people that were also fucking around that were judging them. It's insane. And also, then you found out that they were actually both separated. It was just they were getting out of the way because it was bad for the company. I don't know what the story was, but I don't give a fuck. I don't give a fuck about anybody's personal life. That's your personal life. Whatever you do for a living, I don't give a shit about it. If it affects my life, that's what I give a fuck about. It's like how we watch ESPN. Just tell me who won and lost the game, break down the game, that's fine. I don't need to see anybody's wife and kids and all of that shit. A lot of people blame Patrick Mahomes, but that started with Kurt Warner. It started with him. Well, they just kept cutting to his wife in the fucking crowd for whatever reason. Anyway, this person says it's just a distraction. Anyways, the story went on, but then the bitch that got caught started doing, like I said, you didn't care and then you're calling her a bitch. The woman that got caught started doing interviews and is probably writing a book or something. Well, yeah, all of these fucking trolls got her fired. She's got to go make some money. In these interviews, she mentioned that Chris Martin didn't even check in on her once. Wow. Now, I'm not bringing this up to dive into this story some more.

Speaker 2:
[53:40] Kind of seems like you're involved in the story, sir or ma'am.

Speaker 1:
[53:44] Okay. Hey, lady, I watched a kid get dragged out of rubble because bombs I'm forced to pay for, but I'm not allowed to complain about for optical reasons. Okay. So what you're saying is there's another false flag war out there. Yeah. Okay. I really don't want to hear anything about how anybody feels about anything. About another 10 years of living in an open therapy session, while the techno-authoritarians take over every part of our life. Thanks and go fuck yourself. Yeah. I think your overall point was the amount of attention that that couple at the Coldplay concert takes versus these fucking nerds who are saying clean air, fresh water and soil should be privatized and owned by these corporations. I mean, dude, that is the most insane fucking thing that could come out of somebody's mouth. And CNN, Fox News, nothing, nothing, nothing. What do they go after? Two people fucking around at a Coldplay concert, comedians tweeting something or doing a comedy festival, this or somebody hoarding hand, an individual hoarding hand sanitizer at the beginning of COVID got absolutely fucking dragged and shamed as all these big corporations were price gouging on masks. The fact that they turned our food supply into poison, the foreign of super companies, those people are like, you get them sick and we'll fucking air quote treat them. They just turn a blind eye to all of that type. It's all, yeah. Yeah, I don't know. But I think, I have been seeing out there, there's another few people got plotted, got arrested for plotting to try and kill some of these people at the top. And it's like, it's funny, then the news sits there and they report it like that is horrific. And that these people plotting to assassinate these CEOs is horrific, right? But they don't sit there and they go, like, why? Why are they plotting that? They don't look into what CEOs are doing. Because I can tell you that if I was doing their fucking job, and doing what they're doing to everybody, like, it's only a matter of time before some lunatic's gonna come for you. They have to fucking know that. They gotta know that. And then also, if you're just selling widgets and you need that level of security, you should probably be looking at the ramifications of your widget making and what it's doing to people that you now become a person of interest to lunatics. They're lunatics now, but in the future, if the level of greed, this level of fucking greed, this is what that whole fucking draft is about. That all of a sudden, everybody's gonna have to serve in the future. Yeah, because the what? The army is not big. It's not big enough for their level of greed and the shit that they want to do. And when we are literally in the process of making the exact same mistake that Germany made, where they were fighting a war on two different fronts and they attacked too many fucking people, and then what eventually happens is, is the world gangs up on you and kicks your ass. And that is the exact fucking thing that's gonna happen to us if these fucking cunts at the top don't slow their roll, as the kids say. And who's gonna pay for it? The regular person, unless we are so crushingly defeated that all of these fucking people, the upper one percent, and you know what, they're not gonna face the music. They're gonna commit suicide in their fucking, their home theaters or whatever, instead of a bunker. All right, Air, Water, Soil, Dear Billy Bonkers, the Tesla guy, they'll probably shoot him down in his fucking rocket. A long time Canadian fan living in the UK here. I wanted to address something that came up on April 13th podcast about that quote from the World Economic Forum in Davos. The listener who sent it in probably meant no harm, but the way the quote was framed to you was misleading. Oh Jesus, as I just went off on it. Let me start by saying fuck every single tech billionaire and all the circle jerking, aspiring Silicon Valley wannabes who look up to them. They are a cancer and a plague on our lives, our livelihood and humanity as a whole. As you once put it, they should all be buried under the prison. However, the statement that air, water and soil should be assets on a balance sheet is not malicious when you look at the theme and context of what the speaker was saying and who she is. It was said by Lindsay Hooper, CEO of the University of Cambridge Institute for Sustainability Leadership here in the UK. Can I just tell you something? In my country, the nicer the thing is named, the more toxic it is. Holistic, natural, for the people, that all means that you are going to get cancer from it. So this is a wonderful name. Institute for Sustainable Leadership. That all sounds great. But I'm a little jaded, and what I have learned, unfortunately, that in business, everybody has a side deal. Everybody cuts the side deal. You know who does that the most? Leaders. They talk out of one side of their mouth that they're going to hold these corporations, you know, or whatever. Like, leaders of unions in my business have notoriously had side deals with studio executives, and been padding their pockets as on one side, as simultaneously they're giving speeches to working actors that they're going to look out for them. Okay? So anyways, let me hear what they're saying that they're doing. Her whole thing is holding businesses across all sectors accountable for the shit they do to the environment. And getting funding for sustainably focused education programs for Cambridge and beyond. The full point she was making was about assigning a monetary value to air, water and soil. Why would you do that? Why would you make those commodities like that? That's a good thing? So that the damage companies do to their environment can be quantified and put on their balance sheet as a liability. That has nothing to do with the privatization of the profiting from those resources. Well, it sounds to me what she's doing is placating that they are going to be privatized. And that what corporations plan on doing is putting the responsibility on the regular person and not on them. That's what they're trying to do. So I guess what? They're rolling with that and now we're going to police these guys. This feels like it's going to be like Greenpeace. Anyway, it has nothing to do with privatizing or profiting from these resources and everything to do with highlighting their finite and that we need a tangible way to hold larger corporations accountable for the near irreversible damage they're doing to the planet. No, it is irreversible. We've already gone past it. It might sound pendantic, I'd have to look that word up, but you've always seemed to care about the environment. And as someone who works in sustainable energy and food security and emerging markets, I thought it was important to correct the narrative on this because this isn't the first time I've heard that clip thrown out around out of context. That is not to say everything is peachy or that the WEF Davos Summit isn't mostly an excuse for Mark Kuckeberg and his troupe of tiny dick Revenge of the Nerds type assholes to hawk their latest privacy-invading AI solution to the highest bidder. Yeah, that's the other side of the coin. But if there was one positive thing said at that conference that came from this lady, and the clip bouncing around the internet is way out of context, yeah, it's probably because everybody else at that thing said really evil shit. So then, if she's the only one there with a good heart, they're trying to make her be the bad guy, like the people in Ireland where they were talking about the farmers, how they're trying to demonize them as they privatize farming. Anyway, I hope to catch a show of yours one day. Go fuck yourself. Yeah, well, she was probably the one good voice at that summit. Anyway, I don't know. When I look, what little I know about history, when shit gets out of control, at this, out of control, the only way it gets righted is by force. There's many different ways that force comes about, usually it's violence, and it's wars, and a lot of people fucking suffer. These people are just completely out of their fucking minds. They are just addicted to money, and they are just serving money and not people, and they are justifying all of it, and they're fucking. It's like no different than watching an addict who just can't stop using. These people just can't stop acquiring things and buying. They can't have enough power, they can't have enough money, and they can't make enough people suffer. And then simultaneously, they have an ability to justify all of it in their head by saying, if I don't do it, someone else would. This is how business is done. They have no fucking conscious whatsoever. And I don't want to get stereotypical here. It's, they're pretty empty. Like if you guys watch that documentary on the Rupert Murdochs, it is just like you're looking at people that have more money than they could ever need and they are fucking miserable. And they're all suing each other and they hate each other. Like, can you imagine being a father? And when you grow up, in the end, your job as a father ends with your kids hating you. They don't call you on your birthday and they try and sue you. I don't care how much money you have. Your life, you're a failure. An abject fucking failure. And now you have all those kids with all of those issues and all of that money are now going to go out into the fucking world and do God knows what to innocent people. Oh, Jesus, it's a quagmire. Anyway, well, now that you've corrected me on that, my apologies to her and whatever good fight she's fighting, I hope she fucking wins it. But it's going to take a bunch of regular people like you and me to get behind her. And I don't know, somehow sift through all of this bullshit and somehow, keep your eye on the ball and stop letting them divide us. There is no conservative and liberals. That's just fucking bins that they stuck us in. And then they throw one scrap of meat in between both of us and watch us fight us out as they eat the rest of the fucking. Oh, Jesus, Bill, we know, we know. All right. All right. That's the podcast. Go fuck yourselves. I'll check in on you on Thursday. I'm excited to go to Atlantic City this weekend. I'm excited to go to New York. Going to be checking out some Broadway plays there, you know, being my lovely wife. And we're going to be doing the Patrice O'Neill comedy benefit. One of my favorite things to do every year. All right. That's it. Go fuck yourselves. I'll talk to you later.