transcript

Speaker 1:
[00:00] The McElroy brothers are not experts, and their advice should never be followed. Travis insists he's a sexpert, but if there's a degree on his wall, I haven't seen it. Also, this show isn't for kids, which I mentioned only so the babies out there will know how cool they are for listening. What's up, you cool baby?

Speaker 2:
[01:10] Hello, everybody. Welcome to the Maximum Fun Drive. It's My Brother My Brother Me. I'm your Middlest Brother, Justin McElroy. I'm sorry, Justin, I'm pretty sure you have to sing Send In The Clowns.

Speaker 3:
[01:21] Yeah, it is actually contractually obligated that you sing the song Send In The Clowns.

Speaker 2:
[01:26] No, if you don't do it, people- Send In The Clowns is for the monumental episodes. This is Pay The Piper. Oh, right, right, right.

Speaker 3:
[01:33] Oh, you're right, you're right, you're right. So yeah, I guess hit Pay The Piper maybe a little bit harder. The notes, I'm getting these notes back from the focus group that we hired to sit and watch us.

Speaker 2:
[01:41] So yeah, that's so interesting. Let me try again because I know that we have paid. This is the one bad thing about Max Fund Drive, which is the time that we come to you every year and say, hey, if you like the content that we make here in the Max Fund Network, if you could kick in a few bucks to help make that happen. The negative thing about it that a lot of people don't want to talk about, but I would like to get out early is that we have already prepaid a consulting firm hundreds of thousands of dollars. To optimize this drive, there is no way we are not already sunk. We are taking a huge bath. Good money after bad.

Speaker 3:
[02:17] Taking a huge bath, we've never not been in the red despite how much incredible support we've gotten, but Jesse loves this consulting firm. He is crazy about them.

Speaker 2:
[02:26] Jesse's not even in charge anymore. It's a co-op run by the employees, but still, somehow, he's the one who's like-

Speaker 3:
[02:33] He'll still text you like, Using the firm? He does it in all lowercase, so he's being coy about it, but he loves this fucking firm. But it is the Max Fund Drive and this show exists because of people like you listening to it and enjoying it now, so please go to maximumfund.org. There's so many great, wonderful prizes. I don't know if we're supposed to call them prizes, but I like that.

Speaker 2:
[02:54] What's up, Trav Nation? I'm your Middlest Brother, Travis Big Dog Wolf of Vroom Vroom, the heater award-winning hat in hand, McElroy.

Speaker 3:
[03:02] What's up, Trav Nation? It's me, your sweet baby brother, 30 under 30 media luminary, built for tough, I don't have a baseball one yet, Griffin McElroy.

Speaker 2:
[03:10] It felt like the time did apply yet.

Speaker 3:
[03:13] Yeah, yeah, strong.

Speaker 2:
[03:13] I was waiting for the right moment. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So we haven't said it yet, but this is Max Fund Drive. I should have mentioned that up top. Yeah, we should have mentioned it. This is your chance to support the art and artists you love, and that's us. Because the number one thing we are, artists.

Speaker 3:
[03:32] Artists making art because of you. Thanks to you for supporting us.

Speaker 2:
[03:37] Sorry, I was just reading back over the past highlights of the Mbem Mbam bonus content, and I had completely forgotten that we re-recorded one of our episodes with Matt Toyle.

Speaker 3:
[03:50] Yeah, it was conceptual. It was extraordinarily conceptual. That's right, Justin. That is but one of the many Boko offerings waiting for people to support us.

Speaker 4:
[03:58] What about Pranky Doodle Dandy?

Speaker 3:
[03:59] Pranky Doodle Dandy, I think Pranky Doodle Dandy contains my best joke. My best joke I've ever deployed is in Pranky Doodle Dandy. It was against our friend Lin, and you just gotta hear it to believe it because it's so fucking sick. It's like a sick burn and a great joke.

Speaker 2:
[04:14] So if people go to maximumfun.org/join, you can get all these details. You can hear about all this. Travis, you were mid spiel and I interrupted. I'm so sorry. Well, we have a lot of great Boko. Some past highlights include Pranky Doodle Dandy, which includes Griffin's best joke. We did a full re-recording of episode 400 with Matt Doyle.

Speaker 3:
[04:38] That was our Escape to Margaritaville Blue Carpet premiere episode. It was a fever dream.

Speaker 2:
[04:43] There's all kinds of stuff. You can go to maximumfun.org/join to become a member today.

Speaker 3:
[04:48] Do you want to talk about what we did this year for our book co?

Speaker 2:
[04:50] Yeah. I think you could do it, but then I think Travis is going to do it again after. In a more professional, like someone who won an iHeart media podcast award.

Speaker 3:
[05:02] We did not win it for Pledge Drive, we won it for ads, which is very much the opposite.

Speaker 2:
[05:07] It's an ad, this is an ad of Pledge Drive.

Speaker 3:
[05:09] It's an ad for your soul.

Speaker 2:
[05:11] It's an ad for us, I guess so. So big radio doesn't come in and buy out the whole station and shut us down, like they've been threatening to do for so long. Old man radio, radio killed the podcast star. SiriusXM has been banging on the door, saying you guys have a radio station, we're a radio company, let's work this out.

Speaker 3:
[05:31] They don't want us to do a show on there, they want to shut us down.

Speaker 2:
[05:35] They want to shut us down because we're competing with Howard Stern. They've been calling me a lot, they're like, how would you like two hours after Mark McGrath of Sugar Ray? And I'm like, what do you mean two hours after, what does that mean? And they're like, you could sit in the booth that he was just in for two hours thinking your thoughts. And I'm like, that sounds great, would I play music? And they said, oh God, no. So we don't play music.

Speaker 3:
[05:57] Travis, I actually, I hate to do this in the middle of our pledge drive where we're asking people to support us at maximumfund.org/join, but none of Mark's McGrass microphones are plugged in. They just let him go in there, but none of his mics are plugged in. There's nothing recording. He just goes in there and they say, time for your show. And it's different every week. Yeah. But none of it is actually real. It's a toy. In fact, it's using a Fisher Price toy microphone, but he hasn't noticed yet.

Speaker 2:
[06:24] That tracks. So for as low as $5 a month, you become a member or if you're already a member, you can consider upgrading, boosting, all those things. There's a whole bunch of different levels, a whole bunch of different rewards. And if you go to maximumfun.org/join, you'll find out about those now. What kind of special stuff do we have planned for the Max Fun Drive? Well, I'm glad you asked. I've invented a new game.

Speaker 3:
[06:46] Oh, we didn't even mention, did we mention? I just want to hear what our bow code this year is. Oh, right.

Speaker 2:
[06:52] We sat down with Janet Varney for a masterclass on voice acting in which Janet Varney shamed us into being better voice actors, question mark. You can check that out as well as every past bow code, not just from My Brother My Brother And Me, but from all the Max Fun shows, including Adventure Zone, Sawbones, Schwaners and Wonderful at maximumfun.org/join. Now, are you ready?

Speaker 3:
[07:18] How come whenever she said mean stuff to us, she always did it in the Cora voice because she was like, I want it to feel like Cora is like fucking burning you and razzing you.

Speaker 2:
[07:26] That's how she do.

Speaker 3:
[07:28] I guess so.

Speaker 2:
[07:28] That's how Janet Barney do.

Speaker 3:
[07:30] It's very powerful. A good, strong, powerful move.

Speaker 2:
[07:32] It's River Natural. These are two real weird shows. Weird stuff happens on them. Sometimes the same on both. It's River Natural. Welcome to River Natural, a game in which I will give you a plot line and you will tell me if it's from Riverdale, Supernatural or both.

Speaker 3:
[07:53] This is a good, good, good, good, good idea, Travi. I'm so excited for it. And I'm excited for your mustache.

Speaker 2:
[08:01] Thank you very much, Griffin.

Speaker 3:
[08:02] That I did have to tell you, I did give you some criticism, some editorial notes before. It was quite lopsided by about a good quarter inch.

Speaker 2:
[08:10] But sometimes it takes a brother's eye and a mother's love. So really quite a gift because you could let the internet handle your light work and that's very beautiful of you, Griffin.

Speaker 3:
[08:20] No, man, I mean, it looked like he was wearing like a upside down uppercase J. It was really quite I was going for a look.

Speaker 2:
[08:29] It was a love letter to Justin and you took that away from him. Like it was melting down one side. Yeah, it was a Salvador Dali mustache.

Speaker 3:
[08:38] So Travis, is it gonna fuck things up that I've seen probably two seasons of Riverdale and then as much supernatural as I can stomach that show is too scary for me.

Speaker 2:
[08:47] No.

Speaker 3:
[08:48] I feel like I'm gonna have a, I did, I feel like Riverdale didn't get too supernatural until later on.

Speaker 2:
[08:53] A lot of this stuff is from later season, Riverdale. So Riverdale.

Speaker 3:
[08:58] Which season does the smoke monster come out of Jughead's butt?

Speaker 2:
[09:02] That's episode one, season one.

Speaker 3:
[09:04] Okay, yeah, right.

Speaker 2:
[09:05] That's the opening shot, literally. So Riverdale's show about some all American teenagers and Supernatural, a show about two brothers traveling the world fighting demons and monsters and stuff. And the Venn diagram is a circle. Okay, are you guys ready?

Speaker 3:
[09:24] Yeah, I'm ready and willing.

Speaker 2:
[09:26] Okay, here is your first plot line. The main characters have to deal with a haunted doll moving on its own and terrorizing people. Is that Riverdale, Supernatural, or both? Both.

Speaker 3:
[09:42] I also think it's both. That seems general enough.

Speaker 2:
[09:46] That is correct. Sam and Dean do battle with a ghost that possesses dolls and murders people out of bed and breakfast. And Cheryl Blossom's unborn brother, which would have made her and her brother triplets, Julian possesses a doll and it causes friction between Cheryl and her girlfriend.

Speaker 3:
[10:03] Oh, what kind of that could mean anything?

Speaker 2:
[10:07] Well, her girlfriend's like, hey, hopefully for sake, please get rid of that haunted doll. And while you're at it, if you want to get rid of the corpse of your brother that you put makeup on and keep around the house for some reason, that would also be cool.

Speaker 3:
[10:21] If I had a doll with one of you guys in it, I would for sure get rid of it because I think that's what you would want.

Speaker 2:
[10:26] If a haunted doll is ever causing literal friction in your sexual relationship, it may be time to reevaluate because that is not an appropriate application of a haunted doll. I should also say spoilers for Riverdale and Supernatural if that wasn't obvious.

Speaker 3:
[10:41] Yeah, geez, pal.

Speaker 2:
[10:42] After traveling through time with an angel by their side, a main character tries to stop the assassination of Martin Luther King Jr. Okay, okay, okay, okay.

Speaker 3:
[10:51] Holy shit, dude.

Speaker 2:
[10:53] Fuck, dude. Either one is pretty bodacious. Both is the big play right now. It's the only show that's actually allowed to do stuff like this is Quantum Leap, as we all know.

Speaker 3:
[11:01] Yeah, Quantum Leap is the only one. Fuck, dude.

Speaker 2:
[11:05] I answered authoritatively first, Griffin. I'm going to let you.

Speaker 3:
[11:07] Okay, I know there is a time travel subplot at some point in Supernatural. So I'm going to say Supernatural. I do not think they would touch this rail with Archie and the gang.

Speaker 2:
[11:18] I'm going to go ahead and disagree with Griffin because there is also a time travel subplot in Riverdale where they go back to original Archie times. And everybody's Archie eyes to the original Archie vision.

Speaker 3:
[11:28] That sounds cool.

Speaker 2:
[11:30] Yeah, man, I've kind of, I know I'm not ever going to, I'm not going to watch it, but it sounds cool. Justin is correct. Woo! Tabitha, who is Pop's granddaughter, is chronokinetic, or more simply put, a time traveler. This is from the Wiki. The drama of her getting shot by Percival Hitman unlocked her gift, sending her back in time to December 24th, 1944, where she was guided by her guardian angel, Raphael, to complete her mission. As Tabitha continued to travel, she learned that some events in time are fixed points, meaning certain incidents from the past affect the fabric of the world so enormously that the universe won't let them be altered, such as the assassination of Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. So this is the Jughead Show River, Dan. Correct.

Speaker 3:
[12:16] Awesome. That's great. I heard, I'll be honest, Travis, I heard Angel and I thought, lay up, Supernatural is lousy with these fucking hot guys, usually. Egg on my face.

Speaker 2:
[12:28] Sorry, Griff. A witch burned at the stake centuries earlier possesses a main character and attempts to seduce another main character.

Speaker 3:
[12:35] Both. That's easy, both.

Speaker 2:
[12:38] I'm gonna say Supernatural. That would be Riverdale.

Speaker 3:
[12:44] What happened on that show?

Speaker 2:
[12:45] Cheryl's ancestor was a powerful witch, possesses her body, and attempts to seduce her girlfriend. If I'm not mistaken, the same girlfriend that didn't like having the haunted doll around.

Speaker 3:
[12:53] The haunted doll, yeah. Why is she sticking around, man? This is your sign. Get out of there.

Speaker 2:
[12:58] It is discovered, so right now, just as an employee, it is discovered that the events of the series are being written about in a popular book series.

Speaker 3:
[13:06] Whoa. Huh. Okay.

Speaker 2:
[13:11] Both.

Speaker 3:
[13:11] Supernatural.

Speaker 2:
[13:12] Griffin is correct. There's a book series that chronicles the Winchester Brothers adventures by an author named Chuck. There is a similar storyline in Riverdale that results in Jughead having to lock himself in a bunker and write stories to save the universe, but that universe is Rivervale, a dark version of Riverdale.

Speaker 3:
[13:29] Trav, I need to know this is a reputable wiki that you're getting these from and not something more, let's say, amateur generated, unauthorized.

Speaker 2:
[13:44] This is all real, baby.

Speaker 3:
[13:46] That's cool. So Jughead the Burger Man has to save the universe by writing his way out. That's cool.

Speaker 2:
[13:54] Well, there's two Jugheads because they're in Rivervale. So there's Riverdale Jughead and Rivervale Jughead, often referred to as narrator Jughead and writer Jughead.

Speaker 3:
[14:04] Okay. There's two Jugheads inside of all of us.

Speaker 2:
[14:08] That's true. So this is kind of like a Ted Mosby situation where you got two different Ted Mosby. You got the older guy telling the story to his kids. And then you got the younger guy who's an architect. And none of it can be trusted.

Speaker 3:
[14:24] You got Saget Prime.

Speaker 2:
[14:25] Saget Prime. And he's changing the story for the kids because sometimes they'll take out some of the profanity. And change lead to sandwiches.

Speaker 3:
[14:34] Residents, is there like a supernatural plot line on how on hymium, I think is how you shorten that one.

Speaker 2:
[14:41] They're all ghosts.

Speaker 3:
[14:42] Hymium. Okay, they're all ghosts.

Speaker 2:
[14:44] Residents of a town are terrorized by what they believe to be paranormal predators, but the main character's discovery is actually a family of crazed rednecks.

Speaker 3:
[14:53] Both shows. Both shows.

Speaker 2:
[14:57] My Brother My Brother And Me.

Speaker 3:
[15:00] By virtue of this segment, yeah, I think Justin should get at least a half a point.

Speaker 2:
[15:04] Okay, yeah, Justin can have a half point. Griffin is correct. In Supernatural, it's one episode. In Riverdale, it spans at least one season, maybe multiple seasons. It is at first believed to be an alien species called the Mothman.

Speaker 3:
[15:20] Oh, interesting. They didn't know that they could use that.

Speaker 2:
[15:22] Yep, until they discovered that it is an inbred redneck family, like you do.

Speaker 3:
[15:27] So you guys couldn't, it's the one cryptid we have. Well, I guess we have Flatwood Monster too, but come on.

Speaker 2:
[15:33] Okay, we got lots of cryptids. A D&D-esque game is unleashed on the town and many residents become obsessed. The game involves many real life dangers to advance, including every player receiving a mission to murder one of the main characters.

Speaker 3:
[15:50] Oh man, that's cool.

Speaker 2:
[15:53] Justin, I feel like you've lost the plot a little bit. It's Riverdale, Supernatural, or both?

Speaker 3:
[15:58] Or both. There's only three answers.

Speaker 2:
[16:00] You can't write in E and then fill that bubble in. That doesn't work.

Speaker 3:
[16:05] Is neither an option?

Speaker 2:
[16:07] No. Riverdale, I'll say Supernatural or both.

Speaker 3:
[16:12] Okay.

Speaker 2:
[16:14] I feel like Supernatural be more tuned into that community.

Speaker 3:
[16:17] But I do think Riverdale is the right answer. Cause I think they would do a Jumanji episode for sure.

Speaker 2:
[16:23] Griffin is correct. In Riverdale, they play Griffins and Gargoyles. And at the behest of the Gargoyle King, a terrorizing figure that is seen wandering the town and he's like 10 feet tall. At one point, every player is assigned the mission to murder Archie.

Speaker 3:
[16:42] Whoa. Holy shit.

Speaker 4:
[16:44] Good luck.

Speaker 2:
[16:45] You never see that coming.

Speaker 4:
[16:46] Yeah.

Speaker 3:
[16:47] Damn. I want to be the Gargoyle King.

Speaker 2:
[16:50] It's really good. There's also a scene where Archie fist fights a bear. And I couldn't figure out a way to include that, that wouldn't make it obvious that it was Archie fighting a bear.

Speaker 3:
[17:00] Did the bear also have a game?

Speaker 2:
[17:02] No, this is separate. Archie kicks the bear's ass.

Speaker 3:
[17:06] Yeah, of course he does.

Speaker 2:
[17:07] Archie and the bear. And yeah, who would you rather be stuck in the woods with?

Speaker 3:
[17:13] One Archie or one bear?

Speaker 2:
[17:15] I mean, I would say if the Archie over the bear, but Jughead can rewrite reality. So I don't know where that puts him in the power rankings.

Speaker 3:
[17:23] Yeah. Travis, that was a really good game.

Speaker 2:
[17:25] Griffin wins. You say that because you won. That's the only reason you like the game.

Speaker 3:
[17:29] It's a really good game. I can't, I watched a not insignificant amount of Riverdale and they didn't get into any of this shit. They didn't get in anywhere near that shit.

Speaker 2:
[17:42] I am stricken with embarrassingly poor eyesight and can't see without my glasses. I lost my glasses this morning, so the only way I can see and read throughout the day is with my prescription sunglasses. How do I wear my sunglasses indoors, out in public without seeming like a douchey asshole? That's from Corrective Vision Needed in Columbus.

Speaker 3:
[18:02] The extra info here is so necessary.

Speaker 2:
[18:04] They are copper polarized lenses. This is going to be big Hollywood energy. This is not just a light tint. This is like, yeah, we could have all this cleared out by next week and get a Chipotle in here. Yeah, yeah, yeah, no, I'm just shutting down this stupid place.

Speaker 3:
[18:21] The type of sunglasses put such a fucking vital vector on this because if they were sort of more tame sunglasses, I would see no problem here. If you roll up into the Panera Bread looking like fucking cold trickle, then you're not going to, you are going to turn some heads.

Speaker 2:
[18:40] Yeah. I know that the quote, he can't see a thing without his glasses is from My Girl, but I, for some reason, my brain always first attributes it to the mummy with the guy. Travis, yes, yes. Oh, this sentence can't be going anywhere interesting. I'm just going to call it audible on this sentence. There's no way. No, you know, there's no way. It's going to pay off.

Speaker 3:
[19:01] One of Travis's brain mistakes.

Speaker 2:
[19:03] Yeah, is that I always think he can't see a thing because his glasses is about the member of the American party that loses his glasses and the mummy takes his eyes.

Speaker 3:
[19:13] Yeah, sure. Travis, I'm right there with you. But I also very recently lost my mummy.

Speaker 2:
[19:16] You're also more there with me when I tried to stop that.

Speaker 3:
[19:19] Who could say?

Speaker 2:
[19:21] Who could say? I think that a power move would be every time anyone says anything, lower your glasses and look over the top of them and say, I'm basically legally blind right now, and then slide them back up.

Speaker 3:
[19:35] That could, I mean, that's extremely descriptive. Like you're gonna, no one's going to say fucking shit after that, Trav, so it's a strong answer in that regard. But that is a, I don't know if that's a social encounter that most people are like wanting to sort of volunteer over and over and over.

Speaker 2:
[19:51] That's fair. I guess the, like you could really try to play it up like you're doing a bit because of how good your life's going. Oh yeah. Like people are like, hey Dave, how are things going? You look at me like, you're pretty good. You tell me.

Speaker 3:
[20:09] You tell me.

Speaker 2:
[20:10] Check the shades. Check the shades, I'm indoor. And then hand him a 20. Thanks for asking, kid.

Speaker 3:
[20:18] Uh oh, what's that? Jeans and flip flops? Hang loose.

Speaker 2:
[20:22] I just ran into Dave earlier today. Things are going really good for him, I think. He gave me a 20 and said keep the change, which I didn't understand at all, but he said it in such a way that I said, thank you, Mr. Dave. And I was confused but impressed. I don't know, man.

Speaker 3:
[20:41] I heard his house just burned down, but he's in like a fucking vibey mood right now.

Speaker 2:
[20:45] Yeah. Did he have insurance? Did he have like a big insurance? Was it arson, maybe?

Speaker 3:
[20:49] Do you think Dave burned down his own house for the arson money and that's why he's vibing so tight right now?

Speaker 2:
[20:54] God, he's so cool.

Speaker 3:
[20:55] God, he's damn, he's cool. Look at those polarized lenses. I think we got it.

Speaker 2:
[21:00] I went on an overnight work retreat with one pair of jeans, planning to wear them both days. Yes.

Speaker 3:
[21:05] Sure.

Speaker 2:
[21:06] I spilled coffee on my jeans, so I tried to wash them out in the sink last night. This morning, my jeans are soaking wet. I don't wear my pajama pants today with such purpose that my colleagues do not ask questions. They are light gray sweatpants. I think I can do this.

Speaker 3:
[21:23] That's awesome. More of that.

Speaker 2:
[21:25] That's a good context. I like that. I think I could do this. That's from 2Casual Friday. PS. I packed 3 shirts for this 2-day work retreat. Why couldn't I have spilled the coffee on my shirt? Shirt, pants, shirt, pants, shirt, pants.

Speaker 3:
[21:39] Shirt, pants, pull them on. Button up, tuck it into your underwear.

Speaker 2:
[21:43] Just sew the crotch where the buttons is. Shirt, pants.

Speaker 3:
[21:46] Yep.

Speaker 2:
[21:47] Shirt, pants.

Speaker 3:
[21:48] Button fly. Button fly. It's perfect. All the way around.

Speaker 2:
[21:52] I once saw a post somewhere that said like, I pack clothes like I'm planning to shit my pants every day. And that is very, when I pack, if it's like, I'm gonna be there for 4 days, so I'll need 12 pairs of underwear. Like that's my thought process. And like, I am the person, I will pack a pair of pants for every day and then like an extra pair of pants, mostly because I know that I will often just shrek around, knock stuff over, spill things on myself, sometimes right out the gate, you know? I have to quibble with our listeners. Y'all have gotta start coming to us a few mistakes earlier than you are. Like, it's so hard to do this after. Let's start from the beginning, okay? Hey, I'm going on a work trip. Oh, that's cool. Make sure you pack a couple pairs of pants. Nope, just one. Thank you. Okay. I am packing four articles of clothing. But here's the thing. Just don't spill anything on them. Nope, too late. Spill coffee on them. Oh, that stinks. Well, make sure you wash them. Yeah, I did. Oh, good. Well, make sure you get them dry. Nope, I didn't. Well, guys, what do I do now? Fucking, why didn't you come to us earlier?

Speaker 3:
[23:09] You know what I mean?

Speaker 2:
[23:09] Like, hey guys, help me pack for my big trip.

Speaker 3:
[23:13] God, I crush at packing. I love packing so much and they never ask us to do it.

Speaker 2:
[23:17] Give me your perfect packing presentation.

Speaker 3:
[23:19] My perfect packing presentation?

Speaker 2:
[23:21] Cause I think packing's not cool. I think packing's for grandmas. Teach me, Griffin. Give me your perfect packing presentation.

Speaker 3:
[23:27] I mean, I like to fold them up tight. I like no creases. My undies, I roll into little burritos and I build sort of barriers between different items with those.

Speaker 2:
[23:36] I stopped folding my underwear a decade ago, so I don't...

Speaker 3:
[23:39] Oh, it's not a fold. It's a roll. This is what I'm saying.

Speaker 2:
[23:42] Oh, I put it like, I'm not gonna roll. It's like always a cram with the undies. Cram in a drawer, cram in a suitcase. Always a cram. I pack my packing experiences like a Severance, Innie and Outie, where when I get to the place that I'm going, I open my suitcase and I'm like, who packed this? Nothing is anywhere. I can't find, what's in here?

Speaker 3:
[24:04] I like it. Wherever I am with my bag is my home, and I want it to feel like home, and so I roll my underwear up into burrito shapes.

Speaker 2:
[24:10] Just like you do at home?

Speaker 3:
[24:12] Yes, sir. Yes, sir. It's like a Chipotle down there.

Speaker 2:
[24:16] How many pairs of pants do you bring?

Speaker 3:
[24:19] Two. Pairs of pants. Four spills.

Speaker 2:
[24:22] Do you do one jeans and one fancy knot jeans? That's usually what I do. I do a brown denim and a regular denim.

Speaker 3:
[24:30] Two kinds of pants. That's good.

Speaker 2:
[24:32] Now, I have a pair of dress pants that's kind of stretchy and soft, and they feel like pajama pants, but they look like dress pants, and those are my go-to flying pants.

Speaker 3:
[24:42] Yes, dude.

Speaker 2:
[24:42] Because I'm comfortable in these all day.

Speaker 3:
[24:44] Because no one knows. No one knows how comfortable I am.

Speaker 2:
[24:47] How do you dress up pajama pants?

Speaker 3:
[24:51] You got to starch them up.

Speaker 2:
[24:52] Starch is good. Starch and iron is good.

Speaker 3:
[24:55] Fold each leg sort of the wrong way, right?

Speaker 2:
[24:59] Make a pleat.

Speaker 3:
[25:00] Depth-wise, make a pleat. Make a nice sharp pleat with an iron. Starch those bad boys the fuck up. I get a lot of TikTok content of people starch maxing and making their clothes so rigid that they can stand up on their own, and then they have to put those clothes on. That's my algo right now. Anything's possible.

Speaker 2:
[25:18] You're gonna scoot into them like Wallace and Gromit?

Speaker 3:
[25:21] No, they have to lay down on the ground and scoot into them. They're wearing other pants, by the way. This is not a nude sexual sort of, this is not like my thing is starch maxing. I'm just saying it's ended up in my algo, and they keep giving it to me, because every time I'm like, there's no way they're getting those goddamn jeans on.

Speaker 2:
[25:37] So you are interested in it. It's not like it keeps popping up, and you're like, what is this doing here?

Speaker 3:
[25:42] Yeah, but their dick's not out. It's not about that.

Speaker 2:
[25:45] No one said it was.

Speaker 3:
[25:48] No, I know, but I want, Travis, again, preparation is a big part of it. Cutting it off at the past. I just want people to know this is because it's funny to me to watch people put on rigid jeans. You can make sweatpants into dress pants.

Speaker 2:
[25:59] Could you fashion a sweatband out of like a hand towel or something, cut the sleeves off a t-shirt, roll up playing like the Rocky theme on your phone, and you're like, I'm ready to company retreat. Let's do this. I'm like, I'm prepped, I'm pumped. Now you're the CEO. You got promoted because you care the most. Yes. I think if this person wanted to put in that level of effort, they would have dried their jeans. Fair enough. I'm not sure planning is their... There's no hair dryer? Where you're staying? I had the hair dry out. Oh my God. Cooper and the kids are throwing water balloons yesterday. And of course, that was the only pair of shoes that she has to wear to school and they're soaked. And I was like, it's 720. We got to leave in like 10 minutes. I was like, it's okay. I'll hit him with the hair dryer. So I put the hair dryer in his little kid's shoe and I turned it on full blast.

Speaker 3:
[26:54] Yeah.

Speaker 2:
[26:55] And the air that came back at me, it was as though I had opened the Ark of the Covenant and my, the layers of flesh. It couldn't be that a human child plus heat. No one is as adorable as your child. Any human. You know what I mean? I felt like Cajun Smith, like the virus that you people have infected my nostrils. It's repellent. I couldn't look at the kid the same. Like, you know what I mean? Like there's something wrong in her feet.

Speaker 3:
[27:27] It's not her fault that you turned her footwear into a fucking despicable meme minion fart gun. That sucks, dude. That's mean.

Speaker 2:
[27:36] Charlie came over and I said Charlie, it's the worst thing I've ever experienced. Don't huff this. What'd she do? Huffed it. put her mouth out for a huge snort and then like basically blacked out on her bed for five minutes. Blacked out in the booth. Nightmare, dude. It was like I held my, it was so bad that I held my breath and I could feel it hurting my eyes. Like I could feel it, like I sensed it. Jokes out of the room, Justin. Bend up a coat hanger, put the shoe on it and bend the other side over the dryer door and close it so that they're suspended in the air inside the dryer and then turn the dryer on. Save yourself. I did something like that. I use a coat hanger to kind of wedge open the microwave door and then I put the shoe in there. That's not something like that. And I kind of wedged it so the microwave could work open if you would just like rig it the right way. So that actually could get the shoe real clean.

Speaker 3:
[28:33] Pop off the governor and it'll work.

Speaker 2:
[28:35] And it gave you Hulk-like cancer.

Speaker 3:
[28:39] So that's super terrible shoe cancer.

Speaker 2:
[28:41] You tell me Travis, this is a glass plate. Whoa!

Speaker 3:
[28:46] Justin had a commemorative Utz brand glass plate. That he just collapsed. And he just folded. That's crazy. He changed kind of the physical properties of that glass plate.

Speaker 2:
[28:55] That's how strong I am.

Speaker 3:
[28:59] I think people, everyone's experienced this. And so that's going to work to your favorite question asker. If we can return to the question asker for just a moment. I think if you wear the sweatpants to the company retreat, but you carry your messy jeans around with you. You say, hey guys, just so you know, obviously this is unacceptable. It's not my first choice. I would be wearing these jeans. You hold them up. You say, but they're very wet. Now you also in the other hand, have to have the cup of coffee you spilled and say, this is the cup of coffee I spilled. This is not piss. This is not piss pants. I wouldn't show you those. That would be even more inappropriate, never. But as you can see, this was sort of the chain of events. I'm still, don't look at me different. Just imagine I'm wearing these jeans, but unstained and super dry.

Speaker 2:
[29:46] Can you door dash pants? Can you door dash pants?

Speaker 3:
[29:50] Absolutely you can door dash pants. You can door dash fucking anything, man. You can definitely door dash pants.

Speaker 2:
[29:55] I have door dashed pants. I door dashed a belt. That was embarrassing. Couldn't leave the room to go get a belt, could I? Pants falling down.

Speaker 3:
[30:04] Yeah, couldn't find a belt.

Speaker 2:
[30:05] Trapped. Trapped with no belt. Can't go buy a belt, pants fall down. You know what else you need to buy a belt, Justin? Money. You know what money is good for? maximumfun.org/join, supporting the art and artisty you love. Perhaps the worst segue I've ever heard.

Speaker 3:
[30:21] Maybe one of the all time stinkers.

Speaker 2:
[30:24] I'm out here trying to do my fucking best. One of the worst. This is the idea that you would- You do it better, King Shit. I will. The idea that my brother would use that as a springboard into asking people to pay him to do it more- You can't segue off my segue.

Speaker 3:
[30:40] It feels like I'm doing it.

Speaker 2:
[30:42] Travis, it's about awareness. It's about feeling the moment. In this moment, we're bullying you, so I have to build off of that, you see. It's about awareness. But you know what's not wrong? Supporting the art and artists that you love. Hi, I'm Travis McElroy, anti-bullying advocate and supporting art advocate. Sadly, dude, exponentially better than your last past. I know, I fucking knew it as soon as I did it, okay? I knew it was wrong.

Speaker 3:
[31:10] maximumfun.org/join is where you can go.

Speaker 2:
[31:13] I'm only a man.

Speaker 3:
[31:14] Help us make these shows.

Speaker 2:
[31:16] I'm just as God made me, sir. Please let him do the thing.

Speaker 3:
[31:20] Please let me talk about the thing that is actually the lifeblood of our podcast.

Speaker 2:
[31:25] Yes, of course.

Speaker 3:
[31:27] maximumfun.org/join is where you can go. This is our 15th drive, I believe. Does that sound right to you guys?

Speaker 2:
[31:33] We're better than we've ever been at this.

Speaker 3:
[31:35] We're the best we've ever been. Oh God, we're at the height of our power.

Speaker 2:
[31:37] We're at the height of our power.

Speaker 3:
[31:38] We have the peak performance. And so now is the time, if you've never, if you've been listening to us for over 15 years, but you've never thought about becoming a member or contributing, this show that you're enjoying exists because we are able to make it our job, our full-time job. We don't have other jobs, just this, and that is because of you. So it's so direct. It is a direct way of putting more things out in the world that you, I assume, enjoy it, because we're like 30 minutes into this one. You would have bailed by now if you weren't having an okay time. So please, please, please, don't just assume other people are going to cover your fare. maximumfun.org/join is where you can go to help our show and all of our shows. Keep on, keep on going, keep on going.

Speaker 2:
[32:28] Now for, if you can pledge five bucks a month, then you're going to get an absolute conucopia, conucopia of bonus content. I mean, hundreds of hours, probably thousands of hours at this point. We talked about the Master Class of Janet Farney that we did. In the past, we've also, besides the Margaritaville, we've done, we've riffed videos, we did Pranky Doodle Dandy. I think we did Oops All Bits. We did Oops All Bits. There's a ton of old episodes, if you haven't heard them before. Oh, there's the Taz Lords of Crunch, which is our cereal mascot episodes that we did.

Speaker 3:
[33:06] Oh yeah. I mean, all of the Charlie verse episodes where your daughter makes a one shot that is always fully unhinged. That's another Taz Boko.

Speaker 2:
[33:15] This year, the Taz Boko is cousin verse because Charlie Cooper, BB Dot and Henry collabed to create an adventure that I ran.

Speaker 3:
[33:28] Memorable. For you three.

Speaker 2:
[33:29] Yeah, man, it was wild.

Speaker 3:
[33:31] One of the more memorable like hours of my life was recording that.

Speaker 2:
[33:35] If you can pledge 10 bucks a month, there is a Max Fun Drive exclusive enamel key chain for you designed by Tom Deja. The My Brother My Brother Me key chain says, My other car is a big beautiful Buick Enclave. Probably can't do that, but we did it because what are they going to fucking do?

Speaker 3:
[33:55] They're not going to see it. Don't show it.

Speaker 2:
[33:56] Don't show anybody. That's a duper on board.

Speaker 3:
[34:01] Yeah. Some really strong contenders for your key chain consideration this time.

Speaker 2:
[34:05] Good stuff. And there's a lot more content. At 20 bucks a month, there's more gifts, but it's really about supporting the shows that you enjoy when you sign up. You tell them what shows you listen to and your pledge is split between those shows. So it's a direct way of supporting the stuff that you like. And we should say we have some bonus goals. We do these every year where when we hit certain milestones, we will do these special events. And the first one is I will cover Yellowstone Season 2 on Clubhouse, taking a real hit. That's a lot of life hours to trade away.

Speaker 3:
[34:43] That's so much life hours. It's a lot.

Speaker 2:
[34:45] I know. It's a lot. Yeah. Although considering what we got at 12K, it's really...

Speaker 3:
[34:51] Yeah.

Speaker 2:
[34:52] Yeah.

Speaker 3:
[34:52] Yeah. No spoilers, but we've really worked... We really worked really hard this time on all kinds of great stuff waiting for you. We've also been able to do a ton more video content this year, and that's because we've been able to hire people. We work with a whole team of folks that we've been able to sort of put together Little Giants style into a winning podcasting team, and we are able to do that because of you. Please think about supporting us at maximumfun.org, such join. We were only doing this for two weeks, and I know that there's some people who don't love the drive time, especially our advertisers. I know you probably think these boys won a prestigious podcast advertising award. They must be making payroll just from those, and those don't really keep the lights on.

Speaker 2:
[35:42] No, we forgot to charge them with Jayvon Us.

Speaker 3:
[35:45] It's basically, yeah, most of the stuff that we're able to do is because of listeners like you, and I really feel like PBS when I say that.

Speaker 2:
[35:56] It's actually really, if you think about it, the fact that we don't rely on advertising revenue as much and yet still try so hard at it is actually better. This might surprise folks at home. Most advertisers only pay for 60 second spots. Yeah, whoops. Also, before we get back to the show, everybody go follow McRoy family on Instagram and you'll get all the updates of all the streams we're doing over the next two weeks and the bonus.

Speaker 3:
[36:24] Every day. We're streaming every day. Yeah. So we're working hard for you. We're trying to make a bunch of stuff for you this year. So please, one last time, maximumfun.org/join. Thank you so much. No way, man. No way, man.

Speaker 2:
[36:43] It's a cursed estate haunted 19th century ritual object. Welcome to the Haunted Toe Watch. This time we're going to talk about a cursed estate haunted 19th century ritual object. The brush that increases desires. How both very vague and very specific at the same time. It's so specific, dude. It's a brush that increases desires. That's the whole object. It is amazing. It is real. And I'm going to tell you all about it right now on the Haunted Dull Watch. I just want to point. They posed this brush for this photo on a mirror that makes it look like a mimic with like teeth that are about to open up and chomp me.

Speaker 3:
[37:26] It's scary. Travis cursed.

Speaker 2:
[37:28] I've got the description in another tab. But I just want to show you guys a little bit more. Hey guys, I increase your desires. Hey ladies, free brush rides over here. Jesus Christ. It sucks.

Speaker 3:
[37:46] It sucks, the boy sucks.

Speaker 2:
[37:48] That sucks. I do want to show you guys, if I could, I'm not going to go through these, but you need to see how wild this space has gotten.

Speaker 3:
[37:56] The similar items? Okay.

Speaker 2:
[37:58] This is like, I'm keeping, I need you to know how haunted they'll watch. I am like using maximum restraint in this bit by not making our whole podcast about the supernatural world on eBay. Your baleen-esque filter, Justin, that only keeps the smallest krill in there.

Speaker 3:
[38:17] I know dude.

Speaker 2:
[38:18] It's incredible.

Speaker 3:
[38:19] Can I read some of these for the people who are not seeing?

Speaker 2:
[38:22] Can I have the fourth one there, Griffin? Yeah, you can.

Speaker 3:
[38:25] We got a $100 candle. That's a love spell casting obsession spell love magic ritual psychic witchcraft. But I know you're saying, fuck. But I'm trying to fuck now. I need something immediate in a panic. And can I interest you in a $80 ultra obsession emergency level spell casting, love ritual, Wicca pagan authentic.

Speaker 2:
[38:45] So this is like you have a nut emergency. Right. Me too nut.

Speaker 3:
[38:51] It's like I guess they will cast the spell if you buy it. So it's like an instant cameo.

Speaker 2:
[38:56] Oh, yeah.

Speaker 3:
[38:58] Like if they were sitting by John Leguizamo is like sitting by the phone. It's like ding. He's like, oh, fuck.

Speaker 2:
[39:02] Here we go.

Speaker 3:
[39:03] It's like that. And then we also have a demonist spirit companion succubus siren sex spell.

Speaker 2:
[39:09] That's a cameo from Richard Schiff for Dwight's birthday.

Speaker 3:
[39:12] No fucking way.

Speaker 2:
[39:12] Dude, nine minutes long.

Speaker 3:
[39:15] You're kidding me.

Speaker 2:
[39:16] Schiff just watching the Olympics, bullshitting, unbelievable quality on the Richard Schiff cameo. If you want to get a Richard Schiff cameo, I highly recommend. It was just Richard Schiff bullshitting about the Olympics for nine minutes. It was fucking fantastic. I got Sidney at Dulé Hill once, and he records like five minutes just talking about stories of his time on West Wing, his time to firing for her candidacy is unbelievable. Unbelievable hit rate with the West Wing cameos. The fourth item here, become a real vampire, ritual spell casting, immortality strength, $40, but then above it, it says almost gone. Almost gone. They only got one left. What does that mean for spells? Strength dominant power.

Speaker 3:
[40:02] Every vampire can only sire 11 other vampires. Well, actually, the number of vampires you can sire depends on your sort of like potency, which is, ain't that just the way of things?

Speaker 2:
[40:15] So this brush is $120 or as low as $40.94 a month with Karno. Thanks Karno for helping me make good financial decisions. I am sad to report that some of the haunted doll space has been overrun by AI, so I have to work a little bit harder to find the descriptions that have the real heart and soul to it. So a lot of those that you're seeing with like it's a spell, I don't care, you know, somebody's generating it, whatever. So I gotta find the real shit. AI can't cast spells yet. Such as a brush that increases desires. Collectors understand containment, controlled environments, minimal handling, emotional distance, objects like this. Is this by their ex-wife? Hey, Travis, no, it's obviously in much the same way that you might look at a toaster and you see on the back, it says small metal makes brand hard and hot, right? Item description. This is the item description of the brush that increases desires.

Speaker 3:
[41:14] But the description is all like too powerful. Toasters don't say like, get so hot, so, so, so, so, so hot. You must understand, do not fuck around with this.

Speaker 2:
[41:24] Toaster owners understand one thing, burning bridges, distancing themselves from anyone who's ever cared about them.

Speaker 3:
[41:31] Emotional numbness.

Speaker 2:
[41:32] Collectors understand containment. Controlled environments, minimal handling, emotional distance. Objects like this don't awaken in new spaces. They remain inert until the moment they cross from custody into ownership. The transition is not symbolic, it's cognitive. What? Shit. How is that different?

Speaker 3:
[41:55] I didn't even think about that.

Speaker 2:
[41:56] Dude, this 19th century brush was never meant for casual use.

Speaker 3:
[42:04] What the is this? Even back when it was a brush, even back when it was a brush, you were really supposed to-

Speaker 2:
[42:09] Even back when it was just a brush, just a simple brush. Children, are you playing with Papa's brushes again? No, that's his business brush. That's his business brush. He has important meetings tomorrow with the governor. Justin, that previous statement, just to jump back real quick, is that a verbose way of saying, no, I can't demonstrate it to you right now. It doesn't work until you buy it. Yeah, dude, you literally, listen, objects handled close to the body repeatedly and privately accumulate association. We've, this is just science. So every dildo is haunted.

Speaker 3:
[42:51] Every dildo is haunted. Why do me and Justin both decide to sing that?

Speaker 2:
[42:55] And it's the dildo that increases desire. That would be a better dildo that increases desire would be better. That's just normal. It would be weird to have a dildo that decreases desire. They go like, you know, on second thought.

Speaker 3:
[43:07] Over time, this cube shaped Minecraft dildo is decreasing.

Speaker 2:
[43:11] Why did I buy the creeper?

Speaker 3:
[43:13] Why did I buy the creeper?

Speaker 4:
[43:14] Get out of there creeper.

Speaker 2:
[43:16] Over time, this one absorbed what people brought to it. Memory, mood, unresolved thought, use of quiet use, layered grief over longing, regret over hope, nothing malignant, just incomplete. When it left the collector, the brush didn't change. I did.

Speaker 3:
[43:34] Awesome.

Speaker 2:
[43:35] I was open in a way the previous owner never allowed themselves to be. The brush didn't add anything to my life. It accelerated what was already present. Fuck yeah. Questions I'd postpone, emotions I'd learn to bypass efficiently. It shortened the distance between thought and feeling. That is what it offers. This is the best TED Talk I've ever been to. This is what the brush can bring to your life today.

Speaker 3:
[44:07] I mean, bupropion is covered under my insurance, but it feels like I could probably cut that out of my life.

Speaker 2:
[44:13] You could have used your HSA to buy this brush.

Speaker 3:
[44:16] Yeah, the brush that increased desires.

Speaker 2:
[44:18] The brush that increased his desires. How is it with the executive function? Does it help with executive function? The brush doesn't add to your executive function, Trav. It takes what was already there and executes it more. Do you understand? It joins the link, the symbiotic link between executive and function. It makes it shorter, so it's one word.

Speaker 3:
[44:41] I do also take something that makes it so that anxious thoughts have a harder time going from, let's call it the idea factory to the movie screen for the silent witness inside me. Is this gonna accelerate that? Cause I'm not so wild about that.

Speaker 2:
[44:57] Griffin, do you understand that human beings only use 10% of their hairbrush, right?

Speaker 3:
[45:03] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2:
[45:04] The average human being only uses this brush, 100% of the hairbrush is you. This looks straight into your brain. When you put it on your head, it goes through the skull, into the brain.

Speaker 3:
[45:17] Okay, that would change you, I guess. I'm just now kind of looking at this cursed estate haunted 19th century ritual object brush that increases desires, and just so that I really hadn't paid much attention to the layout of the bristles on here, and this does look like a brush for horses. This does look like a brush for horses, a horse's brush. It has a push broom-like consistency to the bristles.

Speaker 2:
[45:39] It's very, very beautiful. I do feel like I should buy the brush that increases desire, because I've said it so many times that I'm desiring it now.

Speaker 3:
[45:47] You do need to be careful, because if you buy this, you will start buying more stuff. Your desire will be so increased.

Speaker 2:
[45:52] This is, okay, once the brush enters your space, certain effects are common. Now the first one that says is smoother hair, which I don't think you get any points for that, because that's just regular brush stuff. Wait, so it's supposed to be used for casual use? No, you just said, no, I made that one up. Once the brush enters your space, certain effects are common. Thoughts feel fully formed as if they arrive without preamble. Like the thought, shit, I wasted $120 on this brush. Oh no, oh no. Memory's surfaced without. How do I tell my wife that I bought a $120 Coast Brush?

Speaker 3:
[46:26] I told Deborah I never would do it again. Shit, she's gonna know.

Speaker 2:
[46:29] Memories surface without clear triggers. I remember the last time I bought a Coast Brush, oh no. Can I vote no on that one? Can I just not have that one? I'd rather not experience that. I got a good, like I got a pretty good ladle of memory surfacing without clear triggers, thank you. Yeah, I've heard pretty hard to forget a lot of shit. This is my favorite. Emotional timing slips and you react faster or later than expected. But not accurately. That's the thing. Not accurately. You will be way more angry or way more sad than the situation demands. Faster or slower. So something will happen and you'll react before it or 10 minutes later, but not right when it happens. If you ever see me say, Oh God, the plate. Just like pay attention. Star watching for plates.

Speaker 3:
[47:18] You're out at Fizzoli's with your family and you just, What? You're like, hold on, let me think. Shit, I did stub my toe earlier today, but this feels excessive for that.

Speaker 2:
[47:28] Lastly, reflective surfaces become difficult to ignore.

Speaker 3:
[47:34] That's so awesome.

Speaker 2:
[47:36] None of this is dramatic. That's the problem. The brush speeds up recognition faster than the mind prefers, like noticing too much at once without the buffer of narrative. What? Antique grooming tools are anti-mountain by design. They're handled close to the face, used repetitively, associated with preparation and self-presentation. They sit at the threshold between private thought and public appearance. So a new owner inevitably does- This person needs to write a fucking book. Get off of eBay and write a book, my friend. I want to read it so bad.

Speaker 3:
[48:18] Yeah. I want more extremely Jungian philosophical haunted doll watches. I'm really excited about this new Horizon.

Speaker 2:
[48:30] I have been letting this person dictate the pace of my delivery with their paragraph breaks and I'm no longer going to do that. Okay, guys, so if you want to stop me from this point on, you're going to need two hands, okay?

Speaker 3:
[48:41] All right. Hit it.

Speaker 2:
[48:45] A new owner inevitably does three things. It pays attention to the object, assigns its significance and incorporates it into routine. From there, cognition takes over. Repetition plus emotional load gives any object psychological gravity. Attention is what? Using the brush during emotional stress, treating it as meaningful or exceptional, keeping it near fragile or valued items, attributing outcomes to it. These behaviors create feedback loops, language like it wants. It's also how you take care of a gigapet. Yeah, you got it. It wants, it reacts. It externalizes internal states, making them feel sourced elsewhere. The object doesn't act. The meaning remains active. Uh-huh.

Speaker 4:
[49:31] Shit, dude.

Speaker 2:
[49:32] Brush favors continuity. The brush favors continuity. It has outlasted many owners who believe possession implied control. What it actually relies on is love. Consistency. Over decades, it has absorbed not vanity, but fracture, unresolved decisions, stalled conversation, alternate versions of people that never fully emerged. These don't disappear. They compress. The brush becomes dense with unused selves. What?

Speaker 3:
[50:03] Fucking hell, man.

Speaker 2:
[50:05] Everything, everywhere, all at brush. It's the brush that increases desire.

Speaker 3:
[50:09] We love this brush.

Speaker 2:
[50:10] The first night with a new owner, always an adjustment. The mind maps it into the environment. Don't let the brush sleep in your bed. It's gonna want to, but once you let it do what it wants, it's never gonna sleep in your house.

Speaker 3:
[50:20] Yeah, if you give a brush a cookie.

Speaker 2:
[50:22] If you have a pool house like Ryan had in the OC, that would be actually better. That would be ideal. I'm gonna have its own space, which is nice.

Speaker 3:
[50:30] Yeah.

Speaker 2:
[50:30] There might be a heightened sense of presence, not because anything is watching, but because the owner is. What? Subtle behaviors become noticeable. Delays before responding. Okay. Tonal shifts mid-sentence. Pauses before mirrors. Because you can't ignore.

Speaker 3:
[50:49] You can't ignore the reflective.

Speaker 2:
[50:51] Do I own this brush? The brush functions like a prompt the brain can't control. Uh-huh. It's ADHD.

Speaker 3:
[50:58] Okay.

Speaker 2:
[50:58] What they're describing, I'm realizing now.

Speaker 3:
[51:01] It is the ADHD brush.

Speaker 2:
[51:02] Yeah, you're gonna speak.

Speaker 3:
[51:03] The brush that gives you ADHD.

Speaker 2:
[51:05] You're gonna speak before you think. You're gonna become distracted by reflective services. You're gonna react to things maybe long after they happen. You're gonna have a big emotional response to little things. You're gonna maybe forget what you were doing in the middle of it.

Speaker 3:
[51:20] You're gonna play like 6,000 hours of Stardew Valley.

Speaker 2:
[51:23] You're gonna start emptying the dishwasher, but you're gonna end power washing the sidewalk. The most frequently heard phrase you're gonna hear in your day-to-day life is, now wait, is this a dream you had or a supernatural episode?

Speaker 3:
[51:37] Don't give him ideas for games, Justin. You'll throw off the rhythm of these bits. It's been so long since we've done a Haunted Doll watch on the show. I do just want to make space for the observation that the Apologetics game has gotten like so much stronger, because it just used to be that they would say like, here's a Haunted Doll. If it doesn't move for you, then sometimes spirits are shy. Just keep waiting. And in this one, it's like there is no magic. There is no spirit. There is no god. It's inside the mind and that is the god. The god's inside your mind and cognition is, attention is essential for these dolls in your mind eye.

Speaker 2:
[52:13] Another way of putting that Griffin is, old conversations will replay, not as regret, but as unfinished business. Memories resurface not for nostalgia, but for correction. You may feel a low level urge to reach out, clarify, amend, resolve things no one else remembers clearly anymore. This is not conflict creation, it's continuity restoration. Is this brush being sold by the narrator from Stanley Parable? This brush is not being sold because I have purchased it, but I understand the question. At night, there can be a bodily sensation, a pressure.

Speaker 3:
[52:52] Maxwell Fund, I promise we're using our money in essential ways for the business.

Speaker 2:
[52:58] You know what I am gonna do? You know what I'm gonna do? I'm gonna fucking raffle it off. Someone will be the lucky recipient of the Brush That Increases Desire. It's on the line, I have ordered it, I've bought it. Hey, hey, hey, I can't talk long. Sorry, I'm on the road, the run. I'm on the road, the run, however you wanna say it. But the brush arrived and I just wanna say, super quick update on this, cancel this. I'm not gonna do it, I'm gonna keep the brush. I think it's better if I have it and I don't think anybody should have it. Now that I have the brush and see it, I feel like it's better for I will keep it. I can't even read the listing anymore, I fucked it. I cannot believe, guys, just let me power through the rest of this. I'm almost done.

Speaker 3:
[53:42] You're kidding me.

Speaker 2:
[53:44] I promise. Relationships may feel heavier, conversations read longer, silence gains texture. Some people lean in, mistaking the weight for depth. Others withdraw, unsettled by how much feels unfinished. Some people can't fucking handle the brush, guys. Some people may be like, wait, is this a brush conversation or is this a regular conversation?

Speaker 3:
[54:08] Is this more of your brush shit? Mark, listen, I love you and I'm excited for this new chapter in your life, but like you need to give me a heads up if it's a brush talk or not, because brush talks are exhausting. I don't have brush. You are the only one with the brush. So like I'm off kilter. There's not there's an imbalance here whenever we have a brush talk.

Speaker 2:
[54:26] Is there a signal you can give me when a pause is a normal pause and when it's a brush pause, please?

Speaker 3:
[54:31] Yeah.

Speaker 2:
[54:32] Something just like hold one finger up if it's a normal pause, two fingers up if it's a brush pause. The brush benefits from relational strain because strain generates reflection. Wow. And you can't ignore reflection. We've established that. You can't. It's settled.

Speaker 3:
[54:51] Reflection is strain leaving the body.

Speaker 2:
[54:54] The brush encourages repeated use. Baby, it's not me. I didn't want to cheat on you. Brush wanted me to cheat on you.

Speaker 3:
[55:03] Brush needed this for us.

Speaker 2:
[55:06] Do you understand, baby?

Speaker 3:
[55:08] Brush wants us to grow, babe.

Speaker 2:
[55:11] I love brush. There, I said it. The brush encourages repeated use, not for grooming, for alignment. You shouldn't use this old-ass brush. It's probably gross.

Speaker 3:
[55:21] Use this old-ass brush, but it wants you to use it as like a foam roller, it sounds like.

Speaker 2:
[55:26] Owners report an impulse to brush slowly, deliberately, while thinking of different versions of themselves. The one who stayed, the one who left, the one who almost spoke, the one who learned to manage instead of confess. The act becomes a sort of sorting behavior, a rehearsal of cohesion. Once those versions begin to feel adjacent instead of contradictory, resistance decreases. That's the inflection point. Oh wait, there's a little bit of smudge here. It actually says the brush that increases depression.

Speaker 3:
[56:01] That's crazy.

Speaker 2:
[56:02] Continuity requires participation. Without it, the object loses specificity, details blur the way it feels wrong in the hand. Objects like this are rarely discarded, not because they're dangerous, but because they feel unfinished.

Speaker 3:
[56:14] Yeah.

Speaker 2:
[56:15] They wait until someone needs integration badly enough to tolerate discomfort. The brush reflects a simple truth humans often avoid. Everyone fractures. Eventually someone decides coherence matters more than comfort, and they accept the cost. I've never, this is, is a Manosphere influencer selling a haunted brush on eBay?

Speaker 3:
[56:45] This seems awfully, I'll be honest, a little brainy Trav for that particular sphere.

Speaker 2:
[56:52] Let the brush break you down so it can build you back up better than ever. I want to say one thing to you guys. This person is, okay, can you just hear me out for a second? Yeah.

Speaker 3:
[57:02] Yeah, yeah, please.

Speaker 2:
[57:03] Now that we've gotten to the end of the listing, for a cursed estate object, a 19th century ritual object, the brush that increases desires. Yeah. A Justin McElroy possession. That's what you're gonna start thinking of. Based on the novel Push Myself. A Justin McElroy investment, please.

Speaker 3:
[57:24] Yeah, please.

Speaker 2:
[57:27] You know, that person spent a lot of, that listing was way better than it needed to be at all, right? Sure. It was really good. And I think it stands to reason that the only kind of way you could justify spending that much time writing a dope listing for your eBay brush is that maybe that's really easy for you to do now. Uh-huh. Because the brush that you've been using, you know what I'm saying? Like maybe the listing is proof, the proof is in the listing, that this is functioning as intended.

Speaker 3:
[58:01] Yeah. So why are they getting rid of it?

Speaker 2:
[58:03] Because they're done, is my question. They're tired of being insufferable probably. Yeah. You know what I mean? Like it sounds like- I want to go back to being stupid. This sucks. Yeah. This sucks.

Speaker 3:
[58:13] My thoughts are too fast. Shoot.

Speaker 2:
[58:15] I'll tell you, more updates as they become available, it will temporarily be a Dust Dungeon Master position until some lucky person takes it home and increases their desires. No, again. Again, the brush is his house's. The brush is his house's and it's staying right there. Hey, so I want to do a sincere moment here. We have been doing this, as Griffin said, for 15 years. Started in 2010. This is our 15th drive. Our lives have been very much shaped and improved by being on Max Fund and from your support. And we have really worked to kind of live up to that. Adding new things, trying to keep in mind what our supporters would would like us to do and that kind of thing. Because I think it's a very symbiotic relationship. And like we've been doing more streams, we've been posting video clips from the shows, trying to be more active in everything that we do, because it means a lot to us and it means a lot to you. And every year when we do Max Fund Drive, it's the thing that I think we all kind of very buoyed by, I would say. Now Justin's clicked on the Secubus.

Speaker 3:
[59:38] Stop it, Justin.

Speaker 2:
[59:39] Justin, I'm trying to be sincere.

Speaker 3:
[59:42] He's trying to be sincere and you're ogling at the vampire sex spell. Get that out of my screen, Juice.

Speaker 2:
[59:49] We don't need them. Guys, look, we don't need them. For $299, you can make a demonic pact with Lucifer. We're wasting our time with the listeners. The brush is already acting on Justin.

Speaker 3:
[59:59] maximumfund.org says join. We need at least $300 to make a pact with Lucifer.

Speaker 2:
[60:05] $350, there's a 12 month protection spell I need. Guys, to protect me from the brush. Then it's gotta be $650 so we make the deal with Lucifer and get a protection spell to cancel out the deal we made with Lucifer.

Speaker 3:
[60:15] Okay, so we need at least $650. maximumfund.org says join. You can help get us over our goal of $650. You might be the one we need. Close that window, Justin. There's too many erotic things and I don't want... Thank you. Thank you so much.

Speaker 2:
[60:31] You're welcome. There's lots of great stuff there. Lots of rewards. $5, $10, $20. We mentioned the hundreds of hours of bonus content for just $5 a month. $10 a month, the enamel keychains. $20 a month, you get all that stuff. Plus a good clean fun toiletry bag or embroidered rocket visor. $35 a month, insulated stainless steel water bottle. All kinds of stuff. $50, $100, $200. All the way up, you can check them all out. You're just saying large amounts of money.

Speaker 3:
[61:03] $650. $650.

Speaker 2:
[61:05] Then I'm bringing it up because the other thing that you can do if you are already a member is to consider upping your donation to the next level or boosting slightly between levels if you're not ready to move up to the next level. Every bit of support helps and matters to us. Whether you become a $5 a month donor or a $200 a month donor, it all matters. All of it adds up. So if you've been a member for a while and you want to up your membership, maybe you've been listening to more shows on Max Fund this year than you were previously and you want to reflect that in your membership, you can upgrade or boost by also going to maximumfund.org/join. That's also where you can see all the reward levels, all of the membership levels, everything that you can do to support the shows. Get the brush that increases desire. No, no, foolish boy, the brush is ours.

Speaker 3:
[62:00] Remember the brush is ours.

Speaker 2:
[62:01] It's staying right here at home. And at 3000 new and upgrading donors, Travis is going to do that Yellowstone Season Two summary on Clubhouse. And I know you want to make Travis. Yeah.

Speaker 3:
[62:14] This network is unlike any other entertainment property that exists in the world. Yes. We've been doing this a long time and we've seen how lots of other places do it. And I would not want to be anywhere else. Maximum Fun has a truly one-of-a-kind community. It is co-op, it is employee-owned, it is special in so many ways. And if you like this show, then you can keep it going and help us just keep doing our thing, keep making more stuff for you. Because that's sort of the MaxFun model. And when you support it, you're saying that that way of doing things is good. And I would firmly agree with that.

Speaker 2:
[62:58] And the drive...

Speaker 3:
[62:59] So please think about helping us out.

Speaker 2:
[63:00] The drive only goes two weeks. So if you are thinking about doing it, if you're ready to do it, go do it now, maximumfun.org/join. Don't wait because then you'll forget and you'll miss out on your chance to be part of all the energy and the rewards. The rewards are the best part.

Speaker 3:
[63:14] Go to maximumfun.org/join. Now, before you forget, choose whatever level works for you within your budget. Five bucks a month ain't a ton of cash. It's the price of a cup of coffee, maybe. In this economy? I don't buy coffee out in the world, but in this economy, I mean, I will say it's about a gallon of gas. So that's fucking wild. Thank you all so, so, so much.

Speaker 2:
[63:34] Donate now. Does anybody want to throw something? I do want to throw something. I also wanted to mention, and it's a weird sync up with also doing Max Fund Drive, but I'm going to be at the No Theater this Friday. We're doing a fundraiser for the No. It's a Casino Night. I'm going to be there dealing Blackjack and hosting a live auction, which includes a Champions Grove attendance package. It's one of the auction items. If you go to notheater.com, you can get the tickets for Casino Night here in Cincinnati. Come hang out with me and support a great theater. It's going to be super fun. And I organized the whole fundraiser, so I'd really appreciate you coming to show them that I did a good job. I have my ADHD detective pipe. Oh, good.

Speaker 3:
[64:20] I got a Yoshi. I got Yoshi.

Speaker 2:
[64:22] What if we did simultaneous throws?

Speaker 3:
[64:24] No, no, I think it's a choose. Two parties bring a throwable, and the other party has to-

Speaker 2:
[64:29] I want Griffin to throw the Yoshi, just because I'm worried about Travis breaking his pipe. That's fair. It will break.

Speaker 3:
[64:35] Okay, BRB.

Speaker 2:
[64:41] Yoshi made a pretty good noise. It's a really good noise. That was a good, Yoshi made a great noise, Griffin.

Speaker 3:
[64:47] Did it get in frame? Did I get it in frame?

Speaker 2:
[64:48] Yeah, you nailed it, man. That was great.

Speaker 3:
[64:50] The little mountain behind me really helps. Yeah, it's huge targeting.

Speaker 2:
[64:54] My name is Justin McElroy. I'm Travis McElroy.

Speaker 3:
[64:56] I'm Griffin McElroy.

Speaker 2:
[64:57] This has been My Brother My Brother And Me. Kiss your dad, square on the lips.

Speaker 4:
[65:31] Maximum Fun, a work-around network of artist-owned shows supported directly by you.

Speaker 2:
[65:40] Thank you. The phone, it's ours, the brush is ours and it's not leaving here.