transcript

Speaker 1:
[00:00] The 93X Half-Assed Morning Show.

Speaker 2:
[00:12] All right, the beginning of a fresh new work week. There's nothing quite like it. It's even more special to be able to share the experience with all you wonderful people. Welcome to the 93X Half-Assed Morning Show. Look at all the smiling faces in the room. Cubbies here.

Speaker 3:
[00:33] I'm rocked up.

Speaker 4:
[00:34] Yeah, you're bricked?

Speaker 3:
[00:35] You guys.

Speaker 5:
[00:36] Oh, gross.

Speaker 3:
[00:37] I didn't mean it like that.

Speaker 4:
[00:38] Oh.

Speaker 3:
[00:39] But yes, now that you mention it.

Speaker 2:
[00:43] What was the question?

Speaker 3:
[00:44] He asked if I was bricked.

Speaker 2:
[00:46] Like with a boner?

Speaker 3:
[00:47] Like an erection. Oh. No, I wasn't.

Speaker 2:
[00:50] God, help us all.

Speaker 3:
[00:51] But when you say that, I picture one and here we go.

Speaker 2:
[00:54] Now it's happening?

Speaker 3:
[00:55] At least moved.

Speaker 2:
[00:55] Did the room clear out?

Speaker 6:
[00:59] Oh, wow.

Speaker 2:
[01:01] Yeah, the smiling faces from one end of the one end of the building to the other. If you don't mind, I'd like to dump a little advice on the young people who might be listening this morning. Well, actually, I think this advice could even be valuable if you're a little older. And this stems from how I spent my weekend. It's simple advice. Don't be a hoarder. Don't do that to your family. Don't do it to your children. I spent the weekend at my folks place. They're both gone now. And my siblings and I have been spending time up there trying to clean out the house that they lived in so we can get rid of the joint. The amount of useless garbage that they owned, it's killing me, Cubby.

Speaker 3:
[01:52] I know.

Speaker 2:
[01:53] It's killing me. I'm sorry.

Speaker 3:
[01:55] You and I were talking about it off air. And I knew it was bad from what you said. But the way you described it, I mean, it's even worse.

Speaker 2:
[02:03] Oh, no.

Speaker 3:
[02:04] We're a little worried about my mother-in-law. My wife's mom is...

Speaker 6:
[02:07] The drug addict.

Speaker 3:
[02:08] Yeah. She's a druggy.

Speaker 2:
[02:10] The one who's on drugs.

Speaker 3:
[02:11] She has so much stuff. And she's starting to realize it. And I think I'm going to run into the same problem as you, where some people in my family are very sentimental. And so if you want to get in there and just get rid of stuff, clean it up as fast as possible, if you have folks like that, you got to slow down quite a bit.

Speaker 2:
[02:30] Talk to that woman.

Speaker 3:
[02:32] My wife? I've already kind of started.

Speaker 2:
[02:33] No, no. Not your wife. Your mother-in-law. Grab her by the bathrobe and say, look, lady, I'm not cleaning up after this. I'm not going to do it. Threaten her.

Speaker 3:
[02:44] It's pretty bad. She's very sentimental too, so she doesn't, and also she's someone who thinks, gosh, you know, I might use this potato peeler. I don't eat potatoes. I mean, that's a bad example, but there's things like that she doesn't use.

Speaker 2:
[02:58] It's not a bad example. It's not a bad example at all. But what's going to happen is this, Josh. You know that potato peeler?

Speaker 3:
[03:04] Yep.

Speaker 2:
[03:05] You're going to find a box of them in the basement.

Speaker 3:
[03:08] Oh, I'm sure.

Speaker 2:
[03:09] If you thought she was sentimental about that one potato peeler, wait till you find a box in the basement with 78 other potato peelers.

Speaker 7:
[03:18] Oh, my God.

Speaker 2:
[03:20] You're in trouble, dude.

Speaker 3:
[03:21] Yeah, I know.

Speaker 2:
[03:22] Talk to her.

Speaker 3:
[03:23] We do talk about it. We've talked about, like, helping her right now. Like, why don't we kind of go through some stuff and start slow?

Speaker 2:
[03:29] Let me guess.

Speaker 6:
[03:30] She puts that off.

Speaker 2:
[03:33] Oh, no. Maybe next weekend. But I have to go to Gloria's and practice for the church choir. She'll put it off and put it. No, no, I'm fine.

Speaker 3:
[03:41] She's got a little teeny car. She's got a two-car garage. It's just her, and she can't park in that thing.

Speaker 2:
[03:48] Oh, no.

Speaker 3:
[03:49] And she's got, I don't know, let's say maybe a three-bedroom house, basement, everything. It's completely full. It's just her again. There's stuff everywhere.

Speaker 2:
[03:58] I knew people would be able to relate. I'm receiving text messages already on the old Luther Bloomington Key, a text line, 651-989-9393. Here's St. Paul Linoh Jesus, who said when his dad checked out, they filled two 40-yard dumpsters with junk. Oh, my God. It was exhausting, and he says he feels for me. We haven't gotten to the dumpster phase yet. So far, we're just bagging it up. We haven't gotten to the big stuff yet. So anyway, my lower body is dog feces today from the amount of trash I hauled out the basement. It didn't need to be this way. Please, people, don't be a hoarder because when you're gone, somebody else has to deal with it. F me running.

Speaker 3:
[04:46] Maybe that's their strategy.

Speaker 2:
[04:49] Maybe.

Speaker 3:
[04:49] I'm not going to deal with that. Let somebody else deal with this.

Speaker 2:
[04:51] Maybe this is payback from the way I behaved as a young person. I don't know. I know plenty of you have been there.

Speaker 3:
[05:00] Shoot, I've got just a couple of things in my house I've got to bring to the dump or have somebody pick up or whatever, and that's driving me nuts. I can't imagine living in that type of situation.

Speaker 2:
[05:09] Whether it be cleaning up after a hoarder or living with a hoarder, I know plenty of you know what I'm talking about. Come on. It's just not right.

Speaker 7:
[05:18] There is somebody that lives pretty close to me, and they must have just passed away. I mean, I guess that's the rumor in the neighborhood, but it's pretty obvious that that's what happened, because they seemed like a very, very serious hoarder, and it looks like their family is over there, like taking everything out of the house, and it looks exhausting, and they had to get rid of these two huge broken down RVs. That would suck having to deal with that.

Speaker 2:
[05:49] I don't know how many dumpsters we'll be able to fill. I've only seen something like this once before. A friend of mine's folks checked out quite a few years ago. And yeah, we filled up a couple of dumpsters. It's just obscene. What was really funny when I was helping clean out this buddy's parents' place, like I said, they both checked out, it was quite a few years ago, he asked, you know, would a couple of you be willing to come over and help me clean out mom and dad's place? And I said, yeah, I'd be happy to help. I had an idea of how bad it could be. But, you know, you don't really know until you're on the front lines of such a thing. But what was funny about it, see, I'm not a sentimental guy. You were mentioned in this earlier, Josh, a little bit of sentimental feelings can get in the way of cleaning out a house. Oh, I want to save that. Someone might be, well, maybe we can donate that. That's not how I'm programmed. If it doesn't look useful, it goes into a trash can for me. So at my buddy's place, it was kind of funny how non-sentimental he was. So he put me in his childhood bedroom, okay? Which is, I mean, he had been living elsewhere, of course, for many years. But his mother had used his childhood bedroom for storage, for garbage. But there were still some childhood items there from when he was a kid. This is how non-sentimental he was and it was kind of funny. He said from the other room, he said, okay, if you find anything that you think I might like, holler it out and I'll tell you whether to keep it or not. So I'm finding some things. I'm like, oh, hey, here's a picture of you and your dad and your mom on your fifth birthday. Throw it. Hey, here's your very first hockey team picture. Throw it.

Speaker 3:
[07:45] Dude, I'm the exact same way.

Speaker 7:
[07:47] No.

Speaker 3:
[07:47] But to the point where my wife thinks I'm some sort of cyborg, she's concerned about me that I attach sentimental value to nothing.

Speaker 7:
[07:53] I would be concerned too.

Speaker 2:
[07:54] That was fun. And I'm just a touch higher than that as far as sentimental. I throw away almost everything. But this guy, he didn't want any memories of his childhood. Hey, here's a picture of you and your dad and your mom and both sets of grandparents. It appears you're at Mount Rushmore on the 4th of July in the firework. Throw it.

Speaker 3:
[08:19] Pictures I'd probably keep. Scan those. But outside of that, yeah, I've never, there's really been nothing that I've attached value to. Just something like that potato peeler we're talking about. Oh, that was your great grandmother's potato peeler. Throw it.

Speaker 2:
[08:33] Yeah. Stab someone with it first and then throw it. The only fun I had over the weekend, cleaning out my folks' basement, and I only got about a quarter of the way through, I'm telling you, you've never seen anything like it. The only fun I had was seeing the surprised expressions on the faces of the mice when I removed a box that they'd been living under for the last 17 years.

Speaker 4:
[08:56] Hey, man, this is our house.

Speaker 2:
[08:58] They had the same face as you might see on a human being when you walk in on them masturbating. You know what I mean?

Speaker 6:
[09:03] Like, oh, hey.

Speaker 3:
[09:04] I've seen that face.

Speaker 2:
[09:06] What are you doing here? I saw a lot of surprised expressions on the face of mice families, mouse families.

Speaker 7:
[09:14] No, thanks.

Speaker 3:
[09:15] Joe Bob Jesus said his wife's uncle was a hoarder. Snow shovels to clear rooms of garbage, emptied pee and poop buckets from the basement because the plumbing didn't work.

Speaker 7:
[09:24] Just set it on fire.

Speaker 3:
[09:25] You know, there's companies that will do that for you. I think our bodies at SeamClean do something like that.

Speaker 2:
[09:30] There's all kinds of companies now that you can call and they'll clear.

Speaker 3:
[09:33] If it's that bad, it sounds like it is.

Speaker 2:
[09:36] Poop and pee buckets, OK. I fell short of that over the weekend. Thankfully, my folks didn't poop and pee.

Speaker 3:
[09:41] They seemed potty trained to me.

Speaker 2:
[09:42] They were. So there you go. That was my weekend. And as I said, I can see a lot of yous can relate. And you're texting in. I look forward to. Oh, god, what does this one say? My mom died, took seven months to clean out. Oh, wow. Seven months to clean out one bedroom apartment in three garages that she had full of trash. A lot of mouse crap. Oh, here's a question. Is there anything for sale? Yeah, some things will be for sale. There are some items that we will be able to. Yeah, it's not all garbage, but so far it's mostly garbage. Two 40-yard dumpsters, six truckloads when my grandpa died.

Speaker 3:
[10:27] Whoa. HVAC delivery Jesus said he worked for a junk removal company for two years. He said there's stuff he saw that still wakes him up at night.

Speaker 2:
[10:35] No. Have I found anything cool, anything of value? Yeah, can't think of it now. The garbage overwhelms all other memories. But sure, you find some hidden treasures in things like old yearbooks. Yeah, there's been anything of value, maybe. But again, I was so overwhelmed with the negative, now I can't think of the positive.

Speaker 3:
[10:57] Clown Jesus said his sister is moving into their mom's house. I'm a little confused on who this is. Somebody's moving. They're going to need two dumpsters to clean out a 600 foot square house.

Speaker 2:
[11:10] Oh man. Yeah, it's a hell of a deal. So there you go.

Speaker 3:
[11:16] 600 square feet and two dumpsters.

Speaker 2:
[11:18] Josh, I'll try anything twice Jesus says. You are a hoarder. Don't even pretend, Josh, that you aren't a hoarder. You are a hoarder of undeserved guilt and worry.

Speaker 3:
[11:31] I had some of that over the weekend.

Speaker 2:
[11:33] Of course you did. You hoard emotions.

Speaker 3:
[11:36] Yeah, at times.

Speaker 2:
[11:37] You're emotion. Now what happened over the weekend?

Speaker 3:
[11:40] I don't know. It was just kind of kicking in. It was a very bug-filled weekend for me. I had a tummy bug, so I missed out on some fun stuff with the family. That sucked.

Speaker 2:
[11:47] I'm sorry to hear that, you little case of the squirts.

Speaker 3:
[11:50] Yeah, a little bit.

Speaker 2:
[11:51] That's gross.

Speaker 3:
[11:52] I know. I missed out on Topgolf, and it's been a while. I wanted to go Friday night.

Speaker 6:
[11:57] Topgolf?

Speaker 3:
[11:58] Have you ever been to Topgolf?

Speaker 2:
[12:00] Is that where you stand in a little thing, and you look out onto the thing, and you golf, and there's a bar behind you?

Speaker 3:
[12:06] Yeah, that's exactly it. It's a lot of fun.

Speaker 2:
[12:09] I've been to something like that.

Speaker 3:
[12:10] Yeah, I wanted to go. It was kind of like a last-second thing, and I'm like, boy, I don't know if I can make it from my house to Woodbury without pooping my pants.

Speaker 2:
[12:19] Oh, Jesus, balls, you never had that problem.

Speaker 3:
[12:21] I know, and it was bad. I don't know what was going on. Well, my brother, my son, stayed home from work or school earlier in the week.

Speaker 2:
[12:31] Oh, you caught it from the kid.

Speaker 3:
[12:32] I think I caught it from him, so of course, he's grounded. I wasn't happy about that. I thought I'd come out unscathed, but no, it got me.

Speaker 2:
[12:40] Hey, a picture of you and your son at Topgolf. Throw it.

Speaker 3:
[12:44] No, pictures I'll keep. And you guys, I'm also-

Speaker 2:
[12:47] Just imitating that buddy of mine again. I'm sure you're the type of guy that would save some things. You're not completely cold-blooded. This is the buddy of mine. You know this buddy of mine, the one who kills horses and whatnot.

Speaker 3:
[12:59] Oh yeah, he has that same-

Speaker 2:
[13:00] He has a black heart. He has a, deep down inside, he has a black heart. There's not a lot of love or care he has for anyone or anything, so when we were cleaning out his parents' place, he didn't care to keep anything. You're not black-hearted.

Speaker 3:
[13:13] No, not at all.

Speaker 2:
[13:14] You're absolutely the opposite.

Speaker 3:
[13:15] I ask my wife every, like, is it cool if we ditch this? Is it cool? I always ask, make sure there's nothing I've ever snuck into the dumpster or anything.

Speaker 2:
[13:22] So you're feeling better now?

Speaker 3:
[13:23] Oh, yeah, much better. Although I found out on Friday, this is gross, so I had to have my eyes checked.

Speaker 2:
[13:28] It's always the eyes.

Speaker 3:
[13:30] I know you guys are going to give me crap because I got to get glasses.

Speaker 4:
[13:33] Well, that's going to be great.

Speaker 2:
[13:33] I'm going to make fun of you. Why the hell would we do that?

Speaker 3:
[13:36] Because last time I wore glasses, you guys gave me all kinds of crap, saying how stupid I looked.

Speaker 4:
[13:40] We didn't say we said stupid, we just kind of noticed that you had them on.

Speaker 3:
[13:44] Ashley said I looked stupid in there.

Speaker 2:
[13:46] Well, the young people will all get there someday. I wouldn't give you a hard time over that because I'm blind too.

Speaker 3:
[13:51] When the lady is looking at my eyes, she's like, oh, yeah, you got some fungus going on or something. I'm like, what? I have a buildup, those eye-eating mites. I'm being attacked by those things. It's disgusting. I'm a monster.

Speaker 2:
[14:08] Wait a minute, you have bugs in your eyes?

Speaker 3:
[14:11] We all do, she said. I've got extra, so I had to get some sort of raid to spray my eyes.

Speaker 2:
[14:18] Like a cow?

Speaker 3:
[14:19] Yeah, I know what's going on. Right. Just like a cow.

Speaker 2:
[14:23] This is over the weekend?

Speaker 3:
[14:24] On Friday, I had my appointment.

Speaker 7:
[14:25] Oh, that makes me uncomfortable.

Speaker 2:
[14:27] That's really gross.

Speaker 3:
[14:28] I know. I think I'm better now because I had to just raid my eyes, and it's whatever reason she's like, you just got something going on.

Speaker 2:
[14:37] Every orifice in your body is gross. When I got my, what do you call these things on my face?

Speaker 3:
[14:47] Glasses?

Speaker 2:
[14:48] When I got my glasses, they didn't say anything about bugs in my eyes.

Speaker 3:
[14:52] Yeah, she mentioned, well, everybody has them, she said. It's normal, so I'm sure that's why. But it, they had to give me this spray.

Speaker 2:
[15:01] Really, you had to spray something into your eyes?

Speaker 3:
[15:03] Yeah, well, you close your eyes, it's more like on the lids and whatnot.

Speaker 2:
[15:06] Jesus.

Speaker 3:
[15:08] Oh, I was going to tell you something. I forgot about it.

Speaker 2:
[15:09] Well, that's really interesting. I've never heard of the eye bugs. I didn't know that we all had them.

Speaker 3:
[15:13] Oh, so I brought up, like, well, I've never, I haven't washed my face since high school. I just put water on it. She said that could be part of it.

Speaker 7:
[15:22] Wash your face.

Speaker 3:
[15:22] Do you guys ever like put soap on it?

Speaker 7:
[15:24] No, every twice a day.

Speaker 2:
[15:26] I haven't washed my face since I accidentally fell into the tub when I was two.

Speaker 3:
[15:31] Yeah, I never put soap on it.

Speaker 2:
[15:33] So why do why don't I have eye bugs?

Speaker 3:
[15:35] Maybe you do and nobody said anything. Ashley, but you're wiping makeup off, right?

Speaker 7:
[15:40] No, I do it even when I don't wear makeup.

Speaker 2:
[15:45] I didn't know this about you, Josh.

Speaker 7:
[15:48] I don't know, greasy and gross. You've touched things all day and then touched your face, like clogs, your pores. Yeah, you got to wash your face and then moisturize.

Speaker 2:
[15:56] Maybe I'm immune or something. So what they told you was you got to get rid of all these critters in your eyeballs before we fit you for some glasses?

Speaker 3:
[16:04] No, she just said, do you get kind of itchy or burny up there every once in a while? I'm like, yeah, probably a couple of times a week. Wow. This is why you got a couple of eye families, or excuse me, bug families living in your eyes.

Speaker 2:
[16:17] Well, bust out the glasses then.

Speaker 3:
[16:19] I ordered them on Friday. In two weeks, I'll have them.

Speaker 2:
[16:22] Now, are these the type of glasses, like readers or you're going to need to wear them everywhere you go?

Speaker 3:
[16:27] Both. So she said-

Speaker 6:
[16:28] You got a pair of both coming.

Speaker 3:
[16:29] Yeah, because they have like transition ones, but I tried those once, I couldn't get used to it.

Speaker 2:
[16:33] I don't remember the folks making fun of you. I guess I-

Speaker 3:
[16:37] It was mostly Ashley.

Speaker 7:
[16:38] Yeah.

Speaker 3:
[16:39] And it was immediately.

Speaker 6:
[16:40] Why do you think he looked-

Speaker 2:
[16:42] Were you just busting his balls or he really looked dorky in his glasses?

Speaker 7:
[16:46] I imagine I was just busting your balls. I can't remember.

Speaker 2:
[16:48] How do I look in glasses? I've never asked you people.

Speaker 3:
[16:51] I'm so used to them now, I don't think they look bad at all. I don't remember thinking anything.

Speaker 7:
[16:56] It's weird seeing you without them now.

Speaker 4:
[16:59] I'm not used to seeing you without either those glasses or a pair of sunglasses.

Speaker 2:
[17:02] I like to wear sunglasses. Eventually, I guess I'll get to the every day, everywhere as you go glasses, but right now I just use the readers. Well, all right. Sorry about your troubles there, Josh. Again, whatever, every opening on your body is filthy.

Speaker 7:
[17:17] Well, something weird. It's never normal.

Speaker 3:
[17:20] Oh, it is. You're right. I'm an odd, odd monster.

Speaker 7:
[17:23] How are your ears doing? No, they were. They were super itchy.

Speaker 3:
[17:26] Got a lot of ear infections in the last few years.

Speaker 2:
[17:28] Your nose and your yap seemed to be the only untouched opening on your body. The eyes, the ears.

Speaker 3:
[17:36] The anus.

Speaker 2:
[17:36] The monkey button.

Speaker 3:
[17:37] Yep.

Speaker 2:
[17:39] And the by damn urethra.

Speaker 3:
[17:41] Correct.

Speaker 2:
[17:41] All in terrible trouble.

Speaker 3:
[17:43] Yeah, it's disgusting.

Speaker 4:
[17:43] And as we've talked about many times, you're the most cleanest living guy I've ever met in my life.

Speaker 3:
[17:48] I do my best.

Speaker 2:
[17:49] Well, no clean. There's clean living as far as his diet. Yes. But clean in general? No, he's not a showerer.

Speaker 3:
[17:58] Well, I am now thanks to Audible. I shower way more than I ever did. I mean, not every day.

Speaker 4:
[18:03] Is it funny to listen to your audiobook?

Speaker 7:
[18:05] Dude, that sounded like a commercial.

Speaker 3:
[18:08] Like the world's worst angle for a commercial. I didn't even consider that.

Speaker 7:
[18:12] I loved that, the way that that came across.

Speaker 3:
[18:14] Yeah, I didn't mean it even like that.

Speaker 7:
[18:16] But yeah, if you want to shower more, get Audible.

Speaker 3:
[18:19] Hey, I was a disgusting monster. I'm still a little bit disgusting.

Speaker 2:
[18:23] You do shower more often now because that's a safe place where you get to listen to your favorite books.

Speaker 3:
[18:28] Yeah, because I only listen in the car, which, by the way, I'm selling my truck because I found a dead moth in it. A car in the car or the shower.

Speaker 2:
[18:36] OK, so you are because there was a time when you were filthier than most hippies.

Speaker 3:
[18:39] Oh, God, yeah.

Speaker 2:
[18:40] Maybe that's the source of the problems that you're having today.

Speaker 3:
[18:43] Could be some residual stuff.

Speaker 2:
[18:45] You never took a shower for years.

Speaker 7:
[18:47] Are you afraid of moths?

Speaker 3:
[18:49] Oh, any bug I'm not a big fan of. I have a hippie joke. Let me see if I can find it.

Speaker 2:
[18:56] All right. Speaking of hippies, it's that big pot smokers gimmick today, right? I don't know if we want to do the whole thing. I don't have any interest in doing the whole, you know.

Speaker 4:
[19:06] Yeah, I'm with you.

Speaker 2:
[19:08] I can tell you that the following joints will give you some type of a deal.

Speaker 3:
[19:12] It's kind of funny. Oh, this is so embraced, right?

Speaker 2:
[19:14] What's that?

Speaker 3:
[19:15] Yeah, marijuana culture. We're back in the day, it was not like it would be attached to hippies. And certainly big companies aren't going to want to associate themselves with marijuana. And now that's the opposite.

Speaker 2:
[19:25] Here's some joints. You can get a deal on a bite to eat because today is the pot smokers gimmick. Chipotle, insomnia cookies will give you a deal on a cookie.

Speaker 3:
[19:36] You guys like those.

Speaker 7:
[19:38] Those are delicious.

Speaker 3:
[19:39] I brought those in for you guys. You love them.

Speaker 7:
[19:40] Fancy.

Speaker 2:
[19:41] I'll eat any kind of cookie. Jimmy John, KFC, Subway, Taco Bell, Wingstop. Here's a couple of joints here. Do we have these in town? Something called Go Puff and something called Mellow Mushroom. You ever heard of that?

Speaker 3:
[19:54] I hadn't heard of those before.

Speaker 2:
[19:55] There you go.

Speaker 3:
[19:57] Why did the hipster burn his mouth?

Speaker 6:
[20:00] I have no idea.

Speaker 3:
[20:02] He drank the coffee before it was cool. I might hit up Chipotle to get one of those deals.

Speaker 7:
[20:07] Yeah. I might go to Jimmy John's.

Speaker 3:
[20:10] Do you have to take a hit of something to prove you're into marijuana culture before they give you some sort of discount?

Speaker 7:
[20:15] Just rub your eyes super hard before you go in there so you look stoned.

Speaker 3:
[20:20] It's the iMites.

Speaker 7:
[20:21] Josh, you don't even have to. You're good.

Speaker 2:
[20:24] This new condition that you have, iMites, piles of bugs reproducing in your eye sockets, is it called blepharitis?

Speaker 3:
[20:35] Boy, there was a name she said that I had never heard.

Speaker 2:
[20:42] B-L-E-P-H-A-R-I-T-I-S, blepharitis. Anyway, a listener says he's got it too. He uses baby shampoo and cotton pads in the shower.

Speaker 3:
[20:52] Yeah, I'll try something. I mean, whatever that spray is that I got, it seemed to work. At least I feel better. Maybe it's a placebo effect.

Speaker 2:
[21:00] Grass janitor Jesus says he washes his franken beans every morning to keep the bugs off. Bugs in your eyes.

Speaker 7:
[21:12] I could have lived forever not knowing that there was bugs in my eyes, Josh.

Speaker 3:
[21:16] Yeah, I pretty much regretted bringing it up immediately.

Speaker 2:
[21:20] That's very interesting. I'm glad you did.

Speaker 3:
[21:21] So if you have like itchy eyes or they kind of get stingy sometimes, get checked for bugs. Red Butcher Jesus said, I need to get some raid and then wash out that raid with bleach. That's the only way to take care of it. Dana, you're the Chipotle spokesman here. SuperLuber Jesus said, there's a deal where if you wear your favorite hockey jersey, you get buy one, get one free or you wear this.

Speaker 4:
[21:47] I hadn't heard of that by that, but that sounds awesome.

Speaker 3:
[21:49] Yeah. I guess look that up before you go there.

Speaker 2:
[21:52] One more time, you wear a sweater in there and you get what?

Speaker 3:
[21:55] You get a buy one, get one? That seems like a pretty good deal. Yeah.

Speaker 2:
[21:58] Well, in honor of the National Hockey League Playoff, I'd imagine that's the gist there.

Speaker 3:
[22:04] Look that up before you go.

Speaker 2:
[22:05] That'd be pretty sweet.

Speaker 7:
[22:06] That's what I'm seeing on Google. It says the hockey BOGO is back. Yeah. Wear your jersey and you get a buy one, get one. You're right. That sounds cool.

Speaker 3:
[22:16] It does sound cool.

Speaker 7:
[22:17] Why not? Get yourself one for now and one for later.

Speaker 2:
[22:21] We originally fired up our program talking about hoarding. I'm currently in the process of cleaning out my parents' place. Specifically, in case they're listening from the great beyond, I want to properly place blame. The old man had one box full of stuff. One. The rest all belongs to my mother.

Speaker 3:
[22:49] Was she very sentimental?

Speaker 2:
[22:53] I guess.

Speaker 3:
[22:53] Maybe frugal, where she thought, if I need this again, I don't want to go buy it.

Speaker 2:
[22:57] I don't know how to define it. I don't know the source of it. Was she very frugal? Sentimental? I can't say if that's why I went through 250 plastic bins of worthless material. I wish I could tell you how or why, or what part of her personality was at work there, but my damn. Here's a listener who said, how about the, you know, eventually we're going to have to fill some dumpsters. We haven't gotten to that point yet, but we got some text messages saying, my grandpa died, we filled four dumpsters. My grandma died, we filled three and a half, and she had six storage facilities full of crap. Here's a guy who texted in to say, how about those worthless dicks that will dig through your dumpster after you fill it?

Speaker 3:
[23:45] Oh, yeah, I've seen that before.

Speaker 7:
[23:46] We've been famous at those.

Speaker 3:
[23:47] Yeah, we had one once.

Speaker 2:
[23:49] That's one of the...

Speaker 7:
[23:49] Whatever, I guess.

Speaker 6:
[23:51] Well, I mean, get the hell off my property.

Speaker 7:
[23:54] Yeah.

Speaker 2:
[23:54] That's one of the concerns my brother has. He's been saying, when we get these dumpsters, we're going to have to babysit them overnight. So jagoffs aren't going... Of course, if somebody is so hard off, they want to go through my dumpster, I don't want them on my property, but I do have a certain amount of sympathy for that. What my brother is worried about is the derelicts in town who will see a dumpster and say, oh, I'll put my old dinner table in there, right when nobody's looking.

Speaker 4:
[24:22] My parents tell that big time.

Speaker 2:
[24:23] Put some old couches in there when nobody's looking. So they had people swing by and...

Speaker 3:
[24:28] Remember I was telling you, we had our last engineer, you don't want to mess with that guy, he did a stakeout because somebody was using our dumpster, so he stayed overnight.

Speaker 4:
[24:39] That's not crazy.

Speaker 3:
[24:39] And had nine and one dialed ready to call the cops and he sent me pictures in the middle of the night of the person they caught.

Speaker 2:
[24:47] Oh, so he sat there and...

Speaker 3:
[24:48] Oh, all night long, he just waited.

Speaker 2:
[24:51] Played a dumpster cop.

Speaker 3:
[24:53] And then went out there and taunted him, that's just how he was.

Speaker 7:
[24:56] Oh my God.

Speaker 2:
[24:57] What did they throw in your parents' dumpster, Dana?

Speaker 4:
[24:59] Oh, just worthless junk that they were too cheap to get in their own dumpster, so they would just go in the middle of the night, throw out small lawn chairs or something, just worthless stuff and eaglen that they would just toss in there anytime they got a bagster or a dumpster or anything like that.

Speaker 5:
[25:16] I love a...

Speaker 7:
[25:17] Sorry, go ahead.

Speaker 5:
[25:18] No, you go ahead.

Speaker 7:
[25:18] I love when somebody you know gets a dumpster and they're like, oh, if you have anything you want to throw away, I'm like, yes, I have so much stuff. Thank you.

Speaker 3:
[25:26] Yeah, we've been in that spot. We've done that before.

Speaker 7:
[25:28] It's the best.

Speaker 2:
[25:29] Just dawned on me. Unbelievable. Steel Monkey Jesus has a question here via text about cleaning out my folks' basement or the house in general. How many dildos do you find? Did you find? Just you, dude.

Speaker 3:
[25:47] I'd be afraid of finding something like that.

Speaker 2:
[25:48] No, no dildos yet. What was I saying? I lost it. Thanks a lot, Steel Monkey Jesus with your stupid dildo joke. I lost it. Oh, no, I got it. Maybe the most impressive collection of anything, any category so far at my folks' place has got to be the cleaning supplies. I have enough cleaning supplies. Buckets of soap like for your floors or your walls, hand soap, polish for this side of it. I have enough cleaning supplies. I could polish, I'm going to say all of Hennepin County. Hundreds of bottles of, you name it, I'm not that good at this, 409. Help me out.

Speaker 7:
[26:44] Yeah, like Windex, Pine Sol.

Speaker 6:
[26:46] Exactly.

Speaker 7:
[26:47] Cool. I'm actually jealous.

Speaker 2:
[26:51] And how are you jealous of that?

Speaker 7:
[26:52] You never have to buy that again.

Speaker 2:
[26:54] So I'm supposed to put this all in my pickup and bring it home?

Speaker 7:
[26:57] Some of it.

Speaker 2:
[26:58] Hundreds of bottles. The other item, I don't know what was going on with my folks after hours, if they were involved in gang activity. Hundreds of bottles of spray paint.

Speaker 7:
[27:11] Oh wow. Why?

Speaker 6:
[27:13] I don't know if they were tagging bridges.

Speaker 2:
[27:15] Are they responsible for spooner blows?

Speaker 6:
[27:18] I don't know.

Speaker 2:
[27:20] Hundreds of bottles of cleaning, fluid and spray paint.

Speaker 7:
[27:26] Weird.

Speaker 6:
[27:29] Yeah.

Speaker 3:
[27:29] I'm trying to figure that one out. You think you'd know, oh yeah, that's for that project right over there with the spray paint.

Speaker 6:
[27:36] F me.

Speaker 2:
[27:39] It's been something so far and we're just getting started.

Speaker 3:
[27:43] Spray paint is pretty fun actually. I enjoy spray paint.

Speaker 7:
[27:46] It is so fun when you get to use it.

Speaker 2:
[27:48] Tell me about the joys of spray paint.

Speaker 3:
[27:50] Well, I'm most instant satisfaction of seeing that on there.

Speaker 2:
[27:53] When's the last time you spray painted something?

Speaker 3:
[27:56] 2014.

Speaker 2:
[27:57] What did you spray paint?

Speaker 3:
[27:57] A railing with some Rustoleum spray paint and I almost killed myself. I breathed in so many fumes. It was like a pretty long railing and it took a lot and I thought, I should probably get one of those masks because I'm dying. I don't know where I am. I woke up in the neighbor's pool somehow. It was awful.

Speaker 4:
[28:19] I'm a dumbass, but even I know you need to wear a mask or do something like that indoors.

Speaker 3:
[28:22] I thought I'll be fine. Don't tell me to wear a mask. Sorry, I was having a flashback.

Speaker 2:
[28:27] You had a little bit of a headache when that was over?

Speaker 3:
[28:29] Oh, it was awful. Yeah, it was really bad. I had to take breaks every couple hours.

Speaker 7:
[28:34] Oh my God, dude.

Speaker 3:
[28:36] I think I just took a year off my life. I'm probably going to give myself imyte someday.

Speaker 7:
[28:40] Yeah, that's what did it.

Speaker 2:
[28:42] Jesus criminy.

Speaker 3:
[28:45] It looked like a huffer around my nostrils. There's some black spray paint on there, just breathing that stuff in. You're right, Dana, wear one of those respiratory masks or whatever they are.

Speaker 2:
[28:57] I almost killed myself with ammonia when I was a kid.

Speaker 3:
[29:00] Oh, that'll do it. What happened?

Speaker 2:
[29:05] I got a bug up my ass when I was a kid. My folk's basement was disgusting, and it was unfinished, unfinished floor and walls. I got it in my head that I think I was a pretty young kid, and I was watching television, again, back to cleaning supplies. I was watching television, and they were advertising some kind of cleaning supply, and it said, with ammonia, right? That was the special side note, the special tag as to why or how this cleaning supply was so effective. I got the idea to clean the floor in my folks' basement. No one was home, just me, and I found a big bucket of pure ammonia in the basement. So I poured it all over the floor and started mopping the bare floor of the basement with ammonia. How I didn't drop dead, I have no idea. But of course, the scent, the smell, about killed me.

Speaker 3:
[30:10] I kind of like the smell, but yeah, I'd imagine-

Speaker 2:
[30:12] A little goes a long way. I'm pouring ammonia, pure ammonia on the floor of the basement, and I'm mopping it around. Mom will be so proud of me when I, well, instantly, it feels like my head's going to explode, and I'm nearly unconscious.

Speaker 6:
[30:25] And so I got the hell out of there.

Speaker 2:
[30:27] Didn't realize what I had done. My mom comes home and says, oh my god, what has happened here? I went into the basement with the Bavaria, and I was cleaning the floor, because I love you, and whatever, a little kid.

Speaker 7:
[30:41] It didn't work.

Speaker 2:
[30:42] And I mean, had my mother walked into the house like she normally did, with a cigarette in her mouth, we would have ended up in pieces in the next neighborhood. So we had to open every window in the house for the next-

Speaker 3:
[30:59] Learned a lesson.

Speaker 7:
[31:00] Yeah, you tried to do good.

Speaker 2:
[31:01] Yeah, just ridiculous. I mean, but I wonder if, honestly, if that had any long-term effects on me.

Speaker 7:
[31:10] Probably, yeah.

Speaker 2:
[31:11] Jesus. All right, it's going to be something special today. Oh, Randy and Brad will be here. Of course, we got plenty to talk about with all the sports going on, the Timberwolves and the Pigs and the whole- But we'll get her going to the right direction here on 420. The stupid news will be coming around the corner here in a few minutes. Thanks for listening to the Half-Assed Morning Show.

Speaker 1:
[31:34] Stupid news on the Half-Assed Morning Show.

Speaker 2:
[31:53] Yeah, we started off the show talking about hoarding. Got a couple of text messages here I wanna share with you. We started off the show talking about hoarding. Don't be a hoarder. Don't put your family through that, because once you're gone, they gotta clean up after you. I'm currently in the process of, my siblings and I are currently in the process of cleaning our folks' place out. Spent the whole weekend up there. And my god, we got a long ways to go. So I got a couple of text messages on hoarding. The collections of odd items, it's something to see. I found boxes full of hat making supplies. How to make your own hat. You ever even heard of something like that, Ashley?

Speaker 4:
[32:47] No, no, I haven't.

Speaker 2:
[32:48] So there's a box full of material for the hat. There's a box full of whatever threading you need to thread the hat together. There's a box full of ribbons to put on the hat, feathers, hat making. What else did I find?

Speaker 4:
[33:04] Is that going to be a new hobby for you?

Speaker 2:
[33:06] No. Now that it's in the trash, it's not going to be a hobby for anybody. I found boxes of fake flowers. Why you'd need to keep boxes full of fake flowers.

Speaker 3:
[33:18] Kind of sounds like you could open up a couple of businesses with what you've talked about so far.

Speaker 2:
[33:23] Lots and lots of cleaning supplies, hundreds of bottles of cleaning supplies, hundreds of bottles of spray paint. The randomness of it all.

Speaker 3:
[33:32] Really hundreds.

Speaker 2:
[33:33] Will blow your mind. It'll blow your mind. You think you know until you get into the deep dark portions of your folks' belongings. You think you know. You don't know till you get there. So here are some text messages. Trunk Junker Jesus. Yeah, on the top, on the topic of folks leaving things behind. And if there's one item, you can be sure there's 101. So this guy says, after we moved into the house that we live in now, we didn't have to buy trash bags for over two years. Thanks, dead lady. The dead lady left two years worth of trash bags behind.

Speaker 6:
[34:20] Oh yeah, I got a lot of those, Cubby.

Speaker 3:
[34:24] Did they have them there or did you have to buy those?

Speaker 2:
[34:27] Plenty of them at the house.

Speaker 3:
[34:28] Did they? Okay.

Speaker 2:
[34:29] Oh, I just thought of something. And this, I did bring some of these home. An endless supply of ziplock bags for your foods. Nice.

Speaker 6:
[34:40] I've got a bucket.

Speaker 2:
[34:42] I can share it with all of you. Okay, here's another text. He says, my mom, this individual says, my mom loves going to the thrift store. Well, who doesn't? We all like going to the... Of course. It's fascinating. There are some towns with just some great old thrift stores where you can find something from the 1800s for the love of Christ. This listener says, my mom loves going to the thrift store. She calls it the dead man store because of all the people cleaning out their parents' place. Yeah, it's the dead man spot. It is. I just don't want to bother setting things aside, right? First, you have to set things aside. Then you have to bring them to the thrift store. I'm not going to play that game. I'm not... That's too much work. It goes into the trash can unless it's obviously something very special and sentimental. Here's a guy who says, Hey, our mom died. My brother moved into her house. Now it's his problem.

Speaker 5:
[35:41] True.

Speaker 3:
[35:45] We got that coming, hopefully, in a long, long, long time. But My Mother-In-Law's Place is going to be... I'll probably have to consult you for some advice after you go through this. A few people are saying, do you own a match? Folks are bringing that up. Ashley, I think you said that.

Speaker 7:
[36:04] Yeah, I said a bonfire.

Speaker 2:
[36:05] It would be easier just to burn the joint down, but I don't need to go to prison. All right, on to the stupid news, you dirty bastards. Speaking of all of this drama, cleaning out somebody's house, cleaning out a hoarder's house, eventually we're going to have to get the dumpsters going. We've warned you before, but some folks are too stubborn to listen. We've warned you not to F with the people who handle your garbage, because much like your wife on your honeymoon, they will F you and they will F you good. So here's the deal now. A company out there in California who will rent you a dumpster, they call themselves Express Rental Dumpster. They say that they rented out a dumpster to some mark, and they say that the customer filled that dumpster with trash. By God, he did. And per their agreement, the dumpster was hauled away. But then the customer didn't bother to pay Express Rental Dumpster, the money that he owed them for their services. So, the folks over there at Express Rental, they picked up that dumpster, they brought it back over to the dude, and they tipped that pig smooth over onto the cheap bastard's driveway. Told you.

Speaker 3:
[37:45] I'm always afraid of upsetting the dumpster folks. I follow every single rule they've got. I'll read the side of that thing, I'll look on their website. What are the rules? I make sure and follow all of them.

Speaker 4:
[37:54] That doesn't surprise me one bit.

Speaker 3:
[37:56] I'm a law follower.

Speaker 2:
[37:58] You sure are.

Speaker 3:
[37:59] I'm not going to bend the rules.

Speaker 2:
[38:01] There's video going round and round of the garbage being sprayed all over the dude's driveway, and it is a pile, by God.

Speaker 4:
[38:11] They went for it.

Speaker 3:
[38:12] That guy was mad. Whoever's driving that truck, he was upset.

Speaker 2:
[38:16] The feller who runs the dumpster joint, he goes by the name of Martin. Martin says the plug who won't pay the bill was asked repeatedly to square up, and the plug gave Martin credit card numbers that turned out to be phony. The dude said over and over again he would, quote, pay later, but it never added up to dick. So Martin said, piss on it. You want to play games? This is what you get. Again, they hauled the dumpster away. Some bitch wouldn't pay. They brought it back to his property and tipped it over in his driveway. As you might imagine, this caused a little bit of a problem in the neighborhood. Before you could say Jack Robinson, there were derelicts rummaging up and down through the trash. There were karate fights on the sidewalk over who got to take home an old popcorn popper and some used Bowflex exercise equipment.

Speaker 4:
[39:22] I'm picturing like a Black Friday scene from back in the day like Kmart or people just shoving each other for a George Foreman grill.

Speaker 3:
[39:29] They're like in a, like in a poc, how do you say that word? Apocalyptic movie?

Speaker 4:
[39:33] Yeah, there you go.

Speaker 2:
[39:34] The cops stopped by. It was a gong show. Don't F with those people.

Speaker 3:
[39:41] No, not at all.

Speaker 2:
[39:43] Yeah, I mean, this must have been kind of an iffy neighborhood because within minutes, as soon as the dumpster tipped it all over on the driveway, there were derelicts coming out of the woodwork.

Speaker 7:
[39:52] They're like they're waiting around for this.

Speaker 2:
[39:54] You know, what guys got one boot in one hand and he's searching for the other, right? And then someone else, again, popcorn popper, the Bowflex machine. People were fighting over the Bowflex.

Speaker 4:
[40:05] Calling their cousins from two towns over to let them know what's going on.

Speaker 3:
[40:08] I bet for that, the driver, that might have been kind of satisfying, dumping that out a little bit.

Speaker 2:
[40:14] Oh, I bet.

Speaker 7:
[40:15] Yeah. That'd be fun. Screw you, dude.

Speaker 4:
[40:19] One of the last times I moved, I had a window that was like, we'll be there between noon and two or something like that. They called me at nine and said, hey, we're ready to go. If you're ready, I go, oh wow, cool. Yeah, absolutely. Let's get this thing going. And they show up and I said, somebody cancel? And they go, no, we had about everything moved on to the truck. And then the lady started dropping some really racist stuff on us. So we just didn't say a word. We just took everything off the truck, left in her front yard and drove away.

Speaker 3:
[40:46] Jeez, it's terrible.

Speaker 4:
[40:48] I know.

Speaker 3:
[40:48] I mean, her, not them.

Speaker 4:
[40:49] Oh yeah, absolutely.

Speaker 3:
[40:50] But I deserved worse.

Speaker 4:
[40:52] But they said they just kind of looked at each other, shrugged their shoulders and go, oh, OK. And then they just took everything off. And she said, what am I going to do with all this stuff? They just said, not our problem.

Speaker 3:
[41:02] Storm Chasing Jesus said, as an owner of a dumpster company, if you don't pay, we'll dump the contents back on the driveway. And it's legal. We own the dumpster, not the contents.

Speaker 6:
[41:12] Yep, it's awesome.

Speaker 3:
[41:15] I bet every once in a while, you're kind of hoping, I hope somebody doesn't pay this year.

Speaker 6:
[41:21] Yeah.

Speaker 2:
[41:23] Oh, I'm sure there's some fun involved, Cubby, no doubt. All right. So I suppose you could consider this a continuation of a couple of conversations we had last week where we covered smart toilets. In case you didn't know, there have been some incredible technical advancements lately for your toilet bowl. You ought to look it up. It's pretty interesting. We also had a story last week about a regular, everyday jabroni who was the victim of a violent code brown situation. It was so bad, the poor bastard had to break into a building and find a bathroom simply to avoid soaking his blue jeans in 100-mile-per-hour lava-hot diarrhea. It sounds like this here is another advancement in the toilet industry, and this one might be able to help folks avoid a desperate, terrifying code brown episode altogether. As long as you don't mind taking a fat shh, right there on the inside of your damn car. So Chinese automakers are in the process of creating what they call here a voice-activated toilet seat that slides out from underneath the passenger seat of your vehicle. Awesome. The Chinese folks who are trying to design this damn thing, they'll, this is what they say, they say it'll be perfect for folks who are on, quote, long journeys while camping or while staying in your car. Do they mean folks who are living in their cars? I'm not, I'm not sure. The toilet can either be pulled manually out from under the passenger seat or it can be activated by voice. Go, go, gadget, turd catcher. And yes, by a dam, the in-car crapper comes with a fan. We call it a fart auger in my neighborhood.

Speaker 3:
[44:02] Oh yeah, that's the term.

Speaker 2:
[44:04] It comes with a fan, and there's an exhaust pipe built in too to spit the horrible smells out the car before the new guy on your road trip is off puking in the corner of your motor vehicle. It will... It's got the fart fan, and it's got the exhaust pipe built right into it.

Speaker 3:
[44:28] Anteater Jesus said, They're trying to get me to retire my five-gallon bucket, and I'm not going to do it. Gross. That's a cool invention.

Speaker 7:
[44:37] Road trips? That is really cool.

Speaker 3:
[44:38] Because there's always one or two people that just every five miles, especially like little kids, I got to go again. I got to go again.

Speaker 2:
[44:48] Yeah.

Speaker 7:
[44:49] The camping thing, that's pretty appealing. That's really cool. Road trips, I like stopping, but I guess not every five minutes like you were saying, like a kid or something.

Speaker 2:
[45:00] Sure, it sounds...

Speaker 3:
[45:03] Camping, though, I'd rather just go in the woods or something than go into the car.

Speaker 2:
[45:07] That's where I was going with it. It sounds very convenient. That's the word that was escaping me, sure, for camping. But would you as a grown person, or would you allow another grown person to take a friggin dump in your car? No.

Speaker 6:
[45:19] No, you go to the outhouse.

Speaker 2:
[45:20] Like Josh said, you go in the woods.

Speaker 3:
[45:22] Yeah. I mean, if it's a desperate... See, you know how sometimes maybe you share a small area with somebody and there's a bathroom, there's rules on... Dana, haven't you had that rule with a girlfriend? There's a number two bathroom and a different...

Speaker 4:
[45:34] Oh, my wife, yeah. No, I'm not allowed to poop in the fancy toilet.

Speaker 3:
[45:38] Yeah, so there's some people have rules, but that's probably what you have to do in the car. Number twos are for emergencies and that thing. Yeah, and if you have access to another bathroom, you probably use that.

Speaker 4:
[45:49] And I've told you guys this story, too. When I lived in my divorce shack, it was a very small apartment, just the one bathroom. And there were times where I knew I had to make some business, and I'd find an excuse to go down to the lobby, even one time ordering Jimmy John's, saying, hey, you know, should we get a sandwich? Let's get some sandwiches. So I used that as an excuse to go down to the lobby, so I wouldn't just absolutely destroy the entire apartment.

Speaker 3:
[46:11] You do ask us a lot if we want Jimmy John's after the show, and then you disappear and never come back with a sandwich. I've never heard this. Crocs with Socks Jesus said they have that same kind of throne on boats called a cassette toilet.

Speaker 2:
[46:25] Yeah, I've used a boat toilet before, yeah.

Speaker 3:
[46:28] I've seen those like in the, it's like a, almost like a shower type situation, but on a receipt. It's interesting, I haven't heard of that.

Speaker 2:
[46:38] I always just kept the coffee can in my boat. There was no toilet on my boat.

Speaker 3:
[46:43] Didn't you hang it over the side once?

Speaker 2:
[46:48] For number two, I mean? Oh, that was years ago when we were kids. The boat that I've owned here for the last 17, 18 years, I never went anywhere remote with it. I only ever took it out on Lake Minnetonka. A lot of houses, a lot of people, a lot of boats out on Tonka. See, you got to be subtle about it. When we used to go way up north, yeah, you could take a deuce right over the side of the fishing boat. There's nobody around, right? In the middle of nowhere is out on Vermilion or way up on Namikin or Cabotogama. But yeah, there was one particular day where I had a code brown ski, and so did one other guy in the boat. So we just took off every stitch of our clothing and jumped over the side of the boat, and took a big shh while we were, what do you call this, Josh?

Speaker 3:
[47:37] Swimming?

Speaker 2:
[47:38] Waiting while paddling in the water.

Speaker 3:
[47:41] Treading water?

Speaker 2:
[47:42] That's where I was going. We just...

Speaker 3:
[47:44] Wacaw Dump.

Speaker 2:
[47:45] What floated up to the surface was horrible.

Speaker 3:
[47:48] Close. I've never poofed in water. I guess that makes sense.

Speaker 2:
[47:51] What floated, I did not expect, I thought maybe it would sink. It floated up to the surface.

Speaker 3:
[47:56] It was a dozen in the toilet. Horrible.

Speaker 2:
[47:59] I was a 16-year-old kid. I wasn't sure what was going to happen.

Speaker 3:
[48:03] Farm, oh sorry.

Speaker 4:
[48:03] It's a good way to get pink eye.

Speaker 2:
[48:05] You're right. We both just, we jumped in in the nude and we unleashed the fury and then we crawled back into the boat. It was a grotesque scene overall. But we were mostly alone in that bay, so we didn't care.

Speaker 3:
[48:18] Farm Soup Jesus said there was a big rig repair shop locally. They had a semi come in with a drive shaft that was vibrating. They found out it was from frozen poop from a hole they had cut in the floor. It just froze right on there.

Speaker 2:
[48:34] So people are texting in questions about this in-car crapper. You pull it out from under the passenger seat. People are asking, is it safe to use while the car is in motion? I'm not sure.

Speaker 3:
[48:49] It looks like you're just sitting on it. It just slides out. I would think you'd probably be pretty safe.

Speaker 2:
[48:53] We'll find out if this actually becomes a product. The Chinese scientists are working on this. They've got the fart auger. They've got an exhaust pipe. Furthermore, they say they're rigging up some type of heater. See, that sounds great because the only thing that makes human feces and urine even better is when you heat it up a little bit, right? The heater, they say, will evaporate the squeege. It will burn away the pee, so you don't have to empty it out on your uncle's driveway or at your workplace parking lot or wherever you were going when you stopped and take a piss on the inside of your car.

Speaker 3:
[49:33] Yeah, everybody loves the smell of somebody peeing in the bonfire.

Speaker 2:
[49:36] Right. So, there's some type of heater that's going to be included to burn away the pee. I like the way the story ends here. It says here, the future is here, and it's friggin weird.

Speaker 3:
[49:53] Otaku guy Jesus said, in China, sometimes the traffic jams can last days. So, I bet that's why they made the car toilet. Well, I suppose there's a lot of folks there.

Speaker 2:
[50:03] Oh, is that right? OK, I never considered that. In China, traffic jams can keep you there for a day and a half? OK.

Speaker 3:
[50:10] He mentioned one that he said there was like a well-known one that lasted 12 days once. It must have been a terrible accident of some sort.

Speaker 2:
[50:17] Dude, you know, you mentioned those boat toilets that kind of pop up like a personal shower, right? There's a plastic frame and plastic covering that gives you a little bit of privacy. Thank you. I used one once, and it was the first time I'd ever used a toilet on a boat, like I was explaining. Most of my life, I spent fishing in isolated bays where you could just hang it over the side. One guy I fished with stood up on the outboard motor, and then got into the catcher's position and pooped while squatting on top of the outboard. Anyway, so I'd never been in one of these fancy, it's like a phone booth shaped personal toilet on a boat. I'd never been in one before. I went in there, I was pretty drunk. It was a mixed company. I couldn't hang it over the boat, it would have been rude. So I went into the portable toilet on the boat. But being a little bit drunk and being a first timer, I forgot where I was. As soon as I got in there, I forgot where I was. I didn't prepare my body for a wake. So I begin to urinate and we get some waves and I urinated all over. I don't think any of it got in the toilet. It got on the floor, it got on the wall of the person, it got on the ceiling. It was just a complete mask as I'm drunk and I'm a first timer. So what am I supposed to do? I don't have a towel on me. I'm not going to open up the door with these. Some of them were older people, men and women. I wasn't going to say, hey, I pissed all over this thing. Does anyone have a towel? So I thought, OK, we're only going to be out there for another hour. No one else is going to use this thing.

Speaker 6:
[52:07] So I just left it.

Speaker 7:
[52:09] That's so bold.

Speaker 2:
[52:10] I took my chances that I would be the only one to use it. So I just left and went back to my seat, cracked a beer. Sure as hell, 10 minutes later, some 65-year-old woman was saying, well, I have to use the bathroom and it's a number two. What am I supposed to do? Right? And I'm thinking, son of a bitch. So she goes in there. I can only imagine what she was thinking. She knew, she saw me. She knew I was the only guy that went in there. So she just sat in my, in a pool of, she never said anything. She was polite enough to, she could have easily walked out and said, what are you, an animal?

Speaker 7:
[52:51] I would have, but what is this?

Speaker 2:
[52:53] Well, she was very nice and polite, so she didn't say Jack.

Speaker 3:
[52:56] I'd imagine that'd be trying to like pee on an airplane when there's some turbulence. That'd probably get you pretty good.

Speaker 7:
[53:01] Oh, definitely.

Speaker 3:
[53:02] I've had to have it where I had to put my arms out and brace myself for a thought, oh, jeez, this is going to be bad.

Speaker 2:
[53:08] Oh, God. Have we talked about the bumper dumper? No, a couple of text messages came in. Have we talked about the bumper dumper where... No, we haven't. I remember that gimmick. It hangs off the tailgate of your pickup? Yeah, something like that.

Speaker 3:
[53:19] Yeah, people are sending in photos of that thing.

Speaker 2:
[53:22] All right. Oh, there's so many unbelievable things going on. What is this? Oh, this is a hell of a deal.

Speaker 3:
[53:36] Oh, yeah.

Speaker 2:
[53:37] I got to go slow for this one, just so I can understand it. I'm sure you'll be fine, but some of these effing crooked scams are so far beyond anything I'd imagine. So I'm going to do what I do. I'm just going to go ahead anyway. We're back in California again. A 28-year-old kid called Jarrell. He got himself tossed into the local jailhouse. He was arrested over a series of shady thefts at some Target stores in his neighborhood. The cops say Jarrell pulled off his little gimmick at least 70 times. They say he snatched up and around $34,000 worth of stolen items overall. So here's how it all played itself out. The story says here that Jarrell was involved in what the cops call organized Lego retail crime.

Speaker 4:
[54:35] I have an alibi.

Speaker 3:
[54:37] That stuff is so expensive, man.

Speaker 4:
[54:39] It really is.

Speaker 2:
[54:41] Organized Lego retail crime. So here's the scam, if you can believe it and understand it. Jarrell would go ahead and buy Lego sets. And then when he got them home, he'd open up the Lego set. He'd remove the supposedly valuable mini action figures and whatnot from the Lego set. Then he would throw little dried pieces of pasta into the box and return the Lego set back to Target to get a refund. So if you don't mind me guessing here, he would throw the dried hard pasta in there. So when he returned the Lego set, the rattle of the pasta in the box would sound like the little action figures that were still rolling around in there.

Speaker 3:
[55:32] Yeah, I bet it would sound just like that.

Speaker 2:
[55:34] So I guessed right?

Speaker 3:
[55:36] That'd be my guess. Yeah, I don't know for sure.

Speaker 2:
[55:38] Oh, for a minute there, I assumed you guys knew all the ins and outs of retail Lego.

Speaker 7:
[55:43] Did he do this with all the Legos?

Speaker 2:
[55:46] All the Legos?

Speaker 7:
[55:47] Yeah, like all the Legos in the box?

Speaker 2:
[55:48] Did I say this?

Speaker 7:
[55:49] Or just the action figures?

Speaker 2:
[55:50] Just the action figures.

Speaker 7:
[55:51] Because then it seems pointless because the existing Legos that are still left in the box are going to make that noise regardless, so I don't really think he needed to put the pasta in there. I thought maybe he was shipping it back, and I thought maybe with that they'll weigh it to make sure.

Speaker 4:
[56:08] There was a guy, Ashley, that was doing that with the Nintendo Switches where he'd take the Switch out and then he would replace it with the same amount of weight in the box and send it back to Amazon.

Speaker 3:
[56:17] Yeah, I was wondering if it was a weight thing to cookie. I used one of those two.

Speaker 2:
[56:22] Your guess is as good as mine, but so the reason why he would keep the action figures from the Lego set is I guess they're expensive and you can sell them online to morons.

Speaker 4:
[56:33] Yeah, not to upset the rest of the A-Falls out there, but I want to clarify they're called mini-figs.

Speaker 3:
[56:38] Mini-figs, gotcha.

Speaker 2:
[56:40] Eventually, someone over there at Target caught on to Jor-El's nonsense and they pounced on his ass. So I just don't know what the F world do folks like Jor-El live in where they even get these ideas, but that was his gimmick.

Speaker 4:
[56:58] When I read the story, I was like, that's brilliant actually.

Speaker 3:
[57:03] Are they locking up Lego sets with how expensive some of them are?

Speaker 4:
[57:06] Some stores do, I've seen it at Walmart, they lock them up for sure. Target, they're still on the open.

Speaker 7:
[57:11] I'd be so ticked off if I bought a Lego set for like, you know, $300 and there was pasta in there. What? You're kidding me.

Speaker 2:
[57:21] Listener said it had to be Rotini. Rotini sounds like Legos.

Speaker 7:
[57:27] That's, no joke, that's the pasta I pictured like in the little plastic wrapping they have.

Speaker 2:
[57:34] Others are saying it must have been Rigatoni. Rigatoni sounds just like Legos. Fascinating.

Speaker 8:
[57:45] Oh, wow.

Speaker 2:
[57:47] Okay. We got time for one more, I think. What is this? 1982. There's a rock musician out there by the name of Magdalene Rose. Do you know this singer, Josh? Do you have her poster?

Speaker 3:
[58:06] No. I have some of her music here for you.

Speaker 2:
[58:10] Music? Yes. Okay. There's a rock musician out there by the name of Magdalene Rose. I think I'm pronouncing her first name correctly. There are churches here in the United States who are not happy with her image, and they're protesting her shows. She's currently on tour in this and that. So, the religious folks are hating her and protesting her. The twist here is that this Magdalene Rose is a Christian artist. She sings about Jesus and that whole scene, but the church-going crowd thinks she's too heavy. Is she heavy? I haven't heard her sing yet.

Speaker 3:
[58:51] I mean, it's not what I expected because I've got a cousin who's very religious. He's been in metal bands that were religious, and way harder stuff than this. I was actually at a bar a couple years ago. I thought it was like in Bloomington. And they had TV screens with nothing but like metal, religious metal and stuff. I heard some of the lyrics, I'm like, are all those songs about Jesus and God? And one of my friends was like, oh yeah, they always play the religious channel here for heavy metal stuff.

Speaker 2:
[59:23] That's hilarious. Uh, this poor gal, her shows are getting canceled because of what they call here opposition from local religious figures and concerned citizens. Forget the word local. Opposition from religious figures and concerned citizens. I'm guessing the Bible group must be saying she's poorly representing Christian people. I don't know. It's 2020. What is it now? Six? Yeah. You haven't heard anything like that before? Where the hell you been?

Speaker 3:
[59:58] Medical device. Jesus said, as I lay dying is a Christian band and they're heavy as balls. The good news is, okay, he just sent a follow up text. Although their lead singer did pay someone to kill his wife. Maybe that's a bad example.

Speaker 6:
[60:13] No, no.

Speaker 3:
[60:14] Include that all in one text.

Speaker 2:
[60:16] That was a religious group?

Speaker 3:
[60:19] That was fun how that worked out as it updates in real time.

Speaker 2:
[60:24] There was a religious group out there where the lead singer tried to get his wife killed?

Speaker 3:
[60:28] I guess so.

Speaker 2:
[60:29] The good news is, most bands dream of this type of publicity. It sells tickets. It worked for Elvis. It worked for Black Sabbath, Kiss, Ozzy Osbourne, Motley Crue, The Beatles, you name it. Religious folks didn't like those acts either, and all it did was make them even more popular. Faith plus one. All of them used this kind of controversy to sell records. Hopefully, it works out for Magdalene Rose, and she's the top selling lady of all time. Magdalene herself said this, there's been more calls coming in from promoters because their churches want me off their shows, or they just completely cancel the shows because of the way I dress or the way my music sounds. No one has offered to speak with me or tried to understand why I create the music that I do. Well, God dang.

Speaker 3:
[61:25] Yeah, people are taxing in other metal bands that are way heavier. It surprised me. I thought, oh, wow, this is going to be real dark stuff here, but it wasn't at all. Like you said, it sounds like things you'd hear on the radio easily.

Speaker 2:
[61:38] Other than Striper, it never really worked for me. Being a hard rock band and singing about religious, holy things, it didn't quite make sense to me.

Speaker 7:
[61:51] It's a weird match up.

Speaker 2:
[61:52] I don't know why I gave Striper a break, but maybe because their singing was so beautiful.

Speaker 3:
[61:57] Yeah, and they had really cool riffs. Yeah, they were great.

Speaker 1:
[62:00] Sports on the 93X Half-Assed Morning Show.

Speaker 6:
[62:04] Oldie to the empty net, scores!

Speaker 8:
[62:06] Another one of the top weapons for the Minnesota Wild.

Speaker 6:
[62:10] Adds to their totals, 6-1. If the dagger wasn't already in Dallas tonight, it is now.

Speaker 2:
[62:17] After all of what the Pigs accomplished on Saturday, the only audio we have is of an empty net goal.

Speaker 4:
[62:25] That would be fun to get you going on a Monday.

Speaker 2:
[62:27] Disrespectful to the Forefathers. Yeah, let's see if the Pigs can build off of their good start in this year's series with the Dallas Stars. Game two is tonight at 8.45. They made themselves a statement on Saturday. What can they do with it from here, Cubby?

Speaker 3:
[62:50] Win it all. That's what they can do with it.

Speaker 7:
[62:53] That was fun watching.

Speaker 3:
[62:55] I hope they didn't blow other goals in one game. It's always the fear.

Speaker 2:
[62:59] I was curious, and maybe we can look this up before Randy Shaver and Brad Ryder join us. Six, okay, five legit goals and then the empty netter. Makes six from Saturday. I wonder if that's more goals than the Pigs have scored in some of their past playoff series. Oh, I bet it is. You know, with the, what is it, eight first round exits in a row? I bet you six goals from Saturday might be more than they scored in a series in the past. What else did I have cooking here? Timberwolves, they'd like to get a win tonight. Don't want to go down two-rip to the Denver Nugget. 9.45 tonight, so, you know, go F yourself. They need to get a win. They don't want to go down two-nothing. Twins got swept at home over the weekend. That was a pain in the ass. I wanted to say word life to the folks who run a bar of their own in Minneapolis. I know we've talked about it before. Famous for its full-on support of women's athletics, women's sports, a bar of their own. It's been nominated as one of the best sports bars in the country.

Speaker 3:
[64:11] That's great.

Speaker 2:
[64:12] By USA Today newspaper. It's up for a Reader's Choice Award or something like that. Good for them. They haven't been around for too long, have they?

Speaker 3:
[64:22] No, just a couple of years. Yeah.

Speaker 2:
[64:23] A couple of years? First sports bar dedicated entirely to women's sports. Of course, they got all kinds of hooch and beers and full menu. What is this now? Where are we? Okay, we're towards the end of April. The voting for this is open through May 11th. So if you want to go to USA Today's website, you could help the folks out at a bar of their own and vote them in as the best sports bar in the country. Real quick, before we go, we were talking a little bit about having to take a deuce while on a boat. Some folks have the fancy toilet you pull out from under a chair on the boat. Some of them have that phone booth looking set up that pops up from the bottom of the be-go in there. Some folks have to just hang it over the side, jump in the water. Here's a text message. A lot of us go out on fishing boats and recreational boats. We ought to know this stuff. Here's a text message that says, when I was a kid, I remember fishing with my folks and we were killing the panfish. But I told my dad, I said, I gotta take a shh. And his dad said, well, I'm not pulling anchor. I'm not going to shore. We're catching all these friggin fish. So he said his folks hung them over the side of the boat. Where there's pants and his underwear is on the floor of the boat. His folks picked them up and hung his little carcass over the side of the boat. And he said, after I was done, my dad got pissed because all the fish quit biting. After what he put over the side, the fish went away. They went somewhere else.

Speaker 4:
[66:04] That was a no win for everybody except maybe the fish. They got the heck out of town.

Speaker 2:
[66:09] Yeah, it's horrible. Josh has more news for you here in a minute.

Speaker 9:
[66:15] I want to be wined and dined.

Speaker 10:
[66:19] At 69.

Speaker 1:
[66:21] 93X Half-Assed Morning Show.

Speaker 11:
[66:23] A lot of property damage, debris everywhere, downed power lines, a number of homes where roofing is torn off. In some cases, siding, it looks like the whole siding was just peeled off the home.

Speaker 3:
[66:36] The National Weather Service confirmed multiple tornadoes touched down across Southeast Minnesota and Western Wisconsin on Friday, cutting a wide swath of destruction but remarkably causing only limited injuries. Officials say more than 100 homes were damaged while just one person in Iowa suffered minor injuries. The National Weather Service office in La Crosse reported issuing 26 tornado warnings, the most in a single day in more than 30 years, and noted that at least eight tornadoes touched down last Friday afternoon alone. Some of the hardest hit areas were Olmstead and Dodge Counties, where multiple powerful tornadoes with winds reaching up to 130 miles per hour, ripped through communities tearing apart homes and scattering debris across entire neighborhoods. Now that the storms have moved on, officials are warning of a different kind of threat, storm chasers.

Speaker 11:
[67:26] They parachute in or drive in. We'll say, oh, we know that, you know, you had storm in the area last week. Would you like us to go up and check your roof? I think be careful about that.

Speaker 3:
[67:37] Experts urge caution, emphasizing reputable repair companies and inspectors will give homeowners time to review estimates and make informed decisions. And people should never feel pressured into hiring on the spot.

Speaker 2:
[67:49] Did that gal say something about parachuting?

Speaker 3:
[67:51] Yeah, they parachute in.

Speaker 7:
[67:53] That's a joke.

Speaker 2:
[67:54] That's a joke, right?

Speaker 3:
[67:55] Yeah, she's joking. I think, but I'll tell you what, if that happened, I would hire that person. Although I would probably assume they charge too much if they could afford that.

Speaker 4:
[68:04] Be awesome, guys. Show them your backyard.

Speaker 3:
[68:08] Experts urge caution, emphasizing reputable repair companies and inspectors do give time to homeowners. The Insurance Federation of Minnesota recommends several immediate steps for those dealing with storm damage.

Speaker 12:
[68:19] The Insurance Federation of Minnesota says that you should contact your insurer promptly to report the damage. Take clear photos or video of damaged structures and personal belongings. Work with your claims adjuster to document losses or damage.

Speaker 3:
[68:33] Homeowners are also encouraged to report damage to their local emergency management office as soon as possible because the Minnesota Department of Public Safety uses that info to determine whether communities qualify for state or federal disaster aid.

Speaker 2:
[68:46] I've never had one of those jabronies walk up on my property and demand that they fix my roof after a storm. Have you had that problem, Josh?

Speaker 3:
[68:54] Twice, yeah.

Speaker 2:
[68:55] How did you deal with it?

Speaker 3:
[68:57] Well, one guy, I had to just say, hey dude, you got to go because he was damaging, like he took a little hammer and pounded on my window frame.

Speaker 2:
[69:07] That's bizarre.

Speaker 3:
[69:08] And he's like, yeah, so he's like, we'll get you some cash back, you know, we're doing some stuff in the neighborhood. He's like, this is what they look for. This is the exact type of dent. And he was up on my roof when I got home. I'm like, what's going on here?

Speaker 2:
[69:20] He went up onto your roof without your permission.

Speaker 3:
[69:25] And then he came back and he used like his fingernail. We had the world's...

Speaker 2:
[69:28] What the hell kind of psychotic sumbitch was this?

Speaker 3:
[69:30] Well, he was a crook, obviously. And at the time, there was so many... It was a hailstorm a few years ago. And there were so many people from outside the state. I went to Holiday to gas up, right? And there was no Minnesota plates in the whole thing. Just pickup truck after pickup truck from people out of state. These storm chains.

Speaker 2:
[69:51] F me. So you came home and said, Hello, who are you?

Speaker 3:
[69:55] Well, yeah, I mean, the guy, he climbs down the roof. He was friendly enough at first. But once he grabbed that hammer, I was like, what is going on here? You know, I'm not trying to. This is why people pay so much in insurance rates because of dudes like this.

Speaker 2:
[70:05] I've always heard the stories, but never been on the front lines for something like that.

Speaker 3:
[70:09] And so, oh, yeah, I forgot about this part. So I just said, listen, you know, we're going to explore some other options. I'm like, I don't like the idea of what you're doing here. And he's like, cool. He left, and later on, I realized he still put a sign out in front of our yard. So maybe one of the neighbors will go, oh, yeah, we'll check those guys out.

Speaker 2:
[70:26] Like his company, a name advertising, a sign advertising his company.

Speaker 3:
[70:31] Exactly.

Speaker 2:
[70:31] Jesus, that sounds just infuriating.

Speaker 3:
[70:37] A Florida woman is accused of dousing a roommate with gasoline and setting her on fire following an argument over a dog.

Speaker 8:
[70:44] Honestly, I just want to know why. I never would imagine that she would do something so vile and demonic.

Speaker 3:
[70:52] It does seem like a bit of an overreaction.

Speaker 2:
[70:54] Demonic is a good word.

Speaker 3:
[70:55] The suspect, 48-year-old Kymesha Tarpley, told responding officers she was at home with her roommate and ex-girlfriend Rachel Price, which she became irritated by this small dog in the living room owned by Price. The two began arguing about the dog, and that's when Price paid the penalty.

Speaker 8:
[71:14] I wouldn't have said I'm her enemy. And I don't even have enemies. Well, apparently I'm her enemy at this point.

Speaker 3:
[71:20] Tarpley claimed that during that dispute, the two struggled with a balcony door, which inadvertently quote unquote struck a container which had gasoline on it, knocking it over on the floor. She said Price then lit a cigarette. It was her fault. She jumped backward. She dropped that cigarette, and that's what ignited the fire. However, Price's version of events is much different. According to her, the argument did happen, but then Tarpley left, returned with a gas canister, and apparently unfazed with the current price of fuel, poured gasoline on her, then threw a lighter and ignited her f-body in flames.

Speaker 8:
[71:55] At that point, she tossed the gasoline on me that was in the gas can, and threw the lighter, and set me on fire and watched me burn.

Speaker 3:
[72:05] A fire marshal who just so happened to live downstairs heard Price's screams, grabbed a fire extinguisher and rushed upstairs to help. But, by then, Price had already suffered severe burns to her face and neck, and unfortunately, she remains in pain every day.

Speaker 8:
[72:18] I've been burned alive. How many people can say that and live through it?

Speaker 3:
[72:22] As for Tarpley, she was arrested and charged with attempted murder.

Speaker 2:
[72:26] Well, balls.

Speaker 3:
[72:27] I'll tell you what, this victim here has a great attitude. I mean, she's clearly messed up, if you watch the video, but she's so thankful that it could have been worse. A Washington state man tried to go ass to mouth, but got stopped just short of catching butt breath. The inmate is now facing additional charges on top of the ones which landed him behind bars in the first place. The Thurston County Sheriff's Office said the man, originally booked for domestic violence, was being escorted through the facility when a correction sergeant noticed him digging around for something in the back of his pants. Oh, boy. He hadn't misplaced it. He'd stored it. That's when the war on drugs got gross. The sergeant stepped in and discovered the inmate was attempting to stash a small amount of fentanyl in his prison wallet. What followed was a brief struggle over the drugs.

Speaker 2:
[73:16] Oh, you're fighting over something that was just up somebody's ass.

Speaker 3:
[73:18] Yeah. The inmate tried to swallow the narcotics, but officers stopped him before he could, which was, I thought, very kind of them, actually. They could have just said, you know what, screw you, go for it. Have your butt drugs.

Speaker 4:
[73:30] Yucky.

Speaker 3:
[73:31] His plan B to recycle the drugs backfired spectacularly. He was booked for possessing a controlled substance correctional facility, adding charges to the ones he was already facing. Yeah, it's, you know, we mentioned this before, these types of extreme actions. They should put those in like anti-drug commercials.

Speaker 4:
[73:51] Seriously.

Speaker 3:
[73:52] You don't want to be this guy.

Speaker 4:
[73:53] You don't want to be the butt drug person.

Speaker 7:
[73:55] Yeah, the guy trying to eat butt drug medicine.

Speaker 3:
[73:57] Not at all.

Speaker 7:
[73:57] Or medicine drugs.

Speaker 2:
[73:58] Does it make it better that it was his own butt drugs?

Speaker 3:
[74:02] It does.

Speaker 7:
[74:03] No, not to me.

Speaker 3:
[74:04] Oh, not to you?

Speaker 7:
[74:05] No.

Speaker 3:
[74:05] I think considering the alternative, if I had to consume butt drugs, I'd rather have it been...

Speaker 2:
[74:11] Yeah.

Speaker 7:
[74:12] When you put it that way, yeah.

Speaker 2:
[74:13] Yeah, I think it's common sense.

Speaker 4:
[74:15] It's kind of offensive that you don't want my butt drugs, Josh.

Speaker 3:
[74:18] Well, there's certain people, if I had to choose from a list, your name...

Speaker 4:
[74:22] Butt drug power rankings.

Speaker 3:
[74:23] You'd be up towards the top.

Speaker 2:
[74:25] Well, you went on and on last week about that Anna Taylor Joy. You'd probably enjoy...

Speaker 4:
[74:31] Oh, I'd take Anna Kendrick butt drugs any day of the week.

Speaker 3:
[74:34] You would?

Speaker 4:
[74:34] Oh, yeah.

Speaker 3:
[74:35] It's on you, by the way. Not that anybody's paying attention.

Speaker 2:
[74:38] You'd eat her butt drugs.

Speaker 3:
[74:40] No, I wouldn't. I'm not a butt guy. And you know this. Take it back.

Speaker 4:
[74:44] Oh, that's right. We were going to get you those basketball dribbling goggles so you don't have to ever see a beetle.

Speaker 3:
[74:50] That's right. I don't ever want to see one.

Speaker 2:
[74:52] Could have fooled me last week the way you were going on about Anna Taylor Joy.

Speaker 4:
[74:57] He gave her one hubba hubba.

Speaker 3:
[75:00] Yeah, any three-name person, I like to add a hubba hubba in there for.

Speaker 4:
[75:03] It's just out of respect.

Speaker 3:
[75:04] For rhythm and respect. A drunken Florida woman had an odd response to falling off her bike. She threw beer bottles at a witness who was also wobbly in their feet because it was a three-year-old child.

Speaker 7:
[75:18] Oh, she's embarrassed.

Speaker 3:
[75:19] Carolyn Miller from the, and drunk, Fort Walton Beach area was arrested after deputies responded to a disturbance last Tuesday around 6:30 p.m. Miller time.

Speaker 7:
[75:30] Did the kid laugh at her or something?

Speaker 3:
[75:32] That's her last name, not the beer slogan, although also the beer slogan.

Speaker 8:
[75:36] It's 5 o'clock in the morning.

Speaker 3:
[75:37] You've just pissed on a dumpster.

Speaker 8:
[75:38] It's Miller time.

Speaker 3:
[75:41] A police Facebook post said Miller fell from her bicycle. Witnesses say the toddler approached to see if she was OK. That's when Miller picked up two beer bottles and threw them in the child's direction.

Speaker 13:
[75:51] Witnesses telling deputies Miller grabbed two beer bottles and threw them at the child with enough force to hit him in the head had he not ducked.

Speaker 3:
[75:59] Not exactly the kind of bottle you'd expect to see anywhere near a toddler. Deputies say when they spoke to Miller, she couldn't explain coherently why she threw the bottle, saying only she believed she was being attacked, a real menace.

Speaker 6:
[76:11] She believed she was being attacked.

Speaker 3:
[76:14] The boy could have been armed with a juice box.

Speaker 2:
[76:17] Oh man.

Speaker 3:
[76:18] He was wearing diapers. No injuries to the child were reported, but Miller did have a minor finger injury from the bicycle fall and of course a ding to her dignity. Miller's been charged with aggravated assault with a deadly weapon.

Speaker 7:
[76:31] Poor kid was probably terrified.

Speaker 3:
[76:33] I would think so, but he dodged those beer bottles. That is impressive. Yeah. Get him an MMA contract.

Speaker 2:
[76:39] I'm guessing in that neighborhood, that kid's seen worse.

Speaker 3:
[76:42] Probably. Maybe he's even familiar with the way she operates. Being stuck in a car with a bunch of teenagers, sounds like a nightmare until you meet the adult behind the wheel in this next story. She's way worse. A woman in England's been jailed for 14 months after crashing a car full of teenagers, and somehow the driving wasn't even the most alarming part. It was her running commentary. Faye Dawson lost control of the vehicle while doing 80 miles an hour, 20 over the speed limit. And she was on the wrong side of the road, basically checking every box on how to drive like a jerk, or as they say in England, a jolly old wanker. There were five teenagers, ages 14 and 15, in the car, trapped in what quickly turned into a high-speed horror show. Four were injured. One even suffered a spinal fracture, which required hospitalization. Dashcam footage captured the teens screaming and begging for her to slow down, which seemed like a reasonable request when your driver is insane. At one point, she tells him, I am a rally car driver and a bitch. You get in here with your life, she said. The teens not yet realizing just how close they'll get to losing it at that point. She then asks if they're buckled in, adding, because if you die, I'm not responsible for you, before casually admitting, I'm not a safe driver. Right now, I am on alcohol and have had a smoke, so I'm even more effing dangerous, quote unquote. And the crash proved she effing was.

Speaker 6:
[78:13] Okay, so we're all right.

Speaker 3:
[78:34] She's a little goofy.

Speaker 4:
[78:35] That was the worst thing I've ever heard in my entire life.

Speaker 2:
[78:37] Do I even need it?

Speaker 3:
[78:38] Yeah, I need it. The teenager, the girl who suffered the spinal fracture later said, I thought I was going to die. She's since dealt with anxiety in vehicles, nightmares, flashbacks.

Speaker 7:
[78:49] Oh my gosh, I don't think I would ever get a good night's sleep for a while.

Speaker 2:
[78:52] I'm sorry to blow up, but what were these kids doing in her car in the first place?

Speaker 3:
[78:56] Well, it sounded like one of them might have been her kid.

Speaker 7:
[78:59] Oh.

Speaker 3:
[79:00] And then some friends.

Speaker 2:
[79:02] Mom had a couple of drinks.

Speaker 3:
[79:05] Yeah, so mom's a little nut.

Speaker 2:
[79:08] Hit one of those joints. She's a little off her rocker. That was really violent audio.

Speaker 3:
[79:14] A couple.

Speaker 2:
[79:15] That was really interesting to hear.

Speaker 3:
[79:16] Yeah. It's like the whole video. I mean, it's nuts. As soon as she's going on, these poor kids. A couple Kevin-related shows begin streaming today to start the week.

Speaker 2:
[79:28] Kevin?

Speaker 3:
[79:29] Tonight on Netflix at 8, the series premiere of Funny AF with Kevin Hart. Kevin travels the country to find the next stand-up superstar with the winner crowned by real-time votes from viewers. And on Prime Video, the series premiere of Kevin, an adult animated series starring Jason Schwartzman as a family pet who decides to abandon his owners after they break up. Another Kevin, happy birthday from your brother, Electrical Jesus. Happy birthday, Kevin. Happy birthday to Uncle Dan. Dog Training Jesus is 63 today. Happy birthday to you from Angry Inch Jesus and happy 420 birthday to Owatonna Drywall Jesus. That's 93X News.

Speaker 1:
[80:10] Randy Shaver and Brad Ryder on the Half-Assed Morning Show.

Speaker 14:
[80:15] Edwards will put up a shot, contested by Jokic, picked up by Gordon, and this is all she wrote. The Nuggets have gone 8-1 in game 1s in the playoffs over the last couple of years, the best mark in the NBA.

Speaker 2:
[80:32] Well, I suppose if you to Timberwell, you try not to get too low after losing their game 1, try and put that one on the shelf and move on. If you're the Man Bear Pigs, you try not to get too high on yourself coming off that win. We'll cover them both here this morning. Hello, boys.

Speaker 10:
[80:51] Hello. Good morning.

Speaker 2:
[80:53] Randy Shaver and Brad Ryder, of course, joining us. Yeah, the Wolves lost game 1 in Denver last Saturday night. They lost by 9. And game 2 is tonight at the very convenient and reasonable start time of 9.45.

Speaker 9:
[81:08] That works for me. Works for me, too.

Speaker 2:
[81:13] Yeah, well, it blows for some of the rest of us. That's for damn sure. It absolutely blows for quite a few of us. Yes?

Speaker 9:
[81:24] I was just going to say, if they play the way they did in game 1, you're not going to miss much.

Speaker 10:
[81:29] So you can go to bed by 11. Yeah, that's the case.

Speaker 9:
[81:33] Yeah.

Speaker 2:
[81:34] You know what was obvious in game 1? These two effing clubs hate each other's guts, which makes it even more fun.

Speaker 9:
[81:41] I'll tell you what else is obvious. Anthony Edwards is not near 100%. He is not anywhere near where he would need to be for this team to win.

Speaker 2:
[81:52] He's not healthy?

Speaker 9:
[81:53] No.

Speaker 2:
[81:54] Doesn't look like it.

Speaker 9:
[81:55] No.

Speaker 2:
[81:56] I wasn't able to watch much of the game on Saturday, so they played a poor basketball game overall.

Speaker 9:
[82:01] I wouldn't say a poor game. They had their chances, and they certainly can't compete with Denver. Down the stretch, they made some stupid plays and stupid fouls and just kind of self-instructed. But Anthony Edwards is obvious. His right knee is an issue. He can't move the way he's used to moving, and it affects everybody because he's not able to do the things that you, yeah, he scored 22, but it was a very quiet 22.

Speaker 2:
[82:36] So do you sit his ass?

Speaker 10:
[82:38] No. I mean, you can't really, but they are kind of who they are. I mean, Nick, if you didn't see the game, you've probably seen 40 games like this.

Speaker 2:
[82:48] I saw some highlights. I saw some pushing and shoving.

Speaker 10:
[82:51] You saw this all year. I was going to say, if you didn't see the game, they played about 40 to 50 games like this all year. They're a jump shooting team. They don't fast break and they don't take the ball to the basket. So when they're not hitting their outside shots, they're in trouble. And that's exactly what happened Saturday, too. They hit some shots early. They hit some shots in the first quarter and put them up by 10. And then they went cold.

Speaker 9:
[83:14] And if you look at the numbers, I think the the the nuggets went like one for 16.

Speaker 10:
[83:21] 17 in the second half. Yeah, one for 17 in the second half on three-pointers. But they still outscored them by 11.

Speaker 9:
[83:28] Yeah, that's crazy. That's just crazy.

Speaker 2:
[83:32] So that tells you.

Speaker 10:
[83:33] Because they know how to pick and roll, and they know how to take the ball to the basket, and they know how to run an offense where more than one person touches the ball every time down the floor.

Speaker 9:
[83:42] Yep.

Speaker 2:
[83:43] The Nuggets have now won 13 straight ballgames. It was a physical game. There were 42 fouls called. A couple of three of those were technicals. Chris Finchi. He didn't like the idea that the Nuggets had 33 free throw attempts, and the Timberwolves only had 19.

Speaker 6:
[84:00] He didn't like the idea.

Speaker 2:
[84:02] There he is.

Speaker 4:
[84:02] You know, he initiated the contact.

Speaker 10:
[84:04] He spills away, and then he gets rewarded for it. Jokic does the same thing.

Speaker 4:
[84:08] You know, we've got to be solid around that.

Speaker 10:
[84:11] But 16 free throws is a lot. You know, 16 free throws, it's almost as many as we've shot all game.

Speaker 2:
[84:18] The 16 free throws, he's referring directly to Jamal Murrah getting 16 free throw attempts in the ball game. The Nuggets went 34-33 on their free throws. That's 91%. The Wolves are never very good at the free throw line. Here's a question from one of the worst golf ball wacker guy. Jesus wants to know when Terrence Shannon Jr. might get some minutes in this series.

Speaker 9:
[84:40] Well, if we're relying on no offense to Terrence Shannon Jr., but if that's what we're worried about, we're not going to go anywhere in the play.

Speaker 2:
[84:47] So I think he's referring to the fact that Terrence Shannon Jr. looked terrific in his last six or eight ball games during the regular season.

Speaker 9:
[84:54] Again, Nick, if that's what we're relying on right now at this point in the season.

Speaker 2:
[84:58] I don't think that's the point the guy's making. I don't think he's saying, let's rely on Terrence. He's just wondering if.

Speaker 9:
[85:05] Again, though, if we're worried about Terrence Shannon Jr.'s minutes right now.

Speaker 2:
[85:09] All right, golf ball wacker guy, Jesus, you asked a stupid question, I guess. They're not going to acknowledge your Terrence Shannon Jr. question.

Speaker 9:
[85:17] I'm not saying he's not a good player and I'm not saying he wouldn't contribute, but that's not really the point right now for this Timberwolves team.

Speaker 2:
[85:23] Of course not. That wasn't the question's point either. The Wolves played a lame third quarter. They went a long stretch without a bucket. And both Jamal Murrow and Nicola Jokic had big scoring games. If you got to get one or both of those guys off their game if you want to beat the Nuggets.

Speaker 10:
[85:41] Jokic really didn't though. I watched most of the game. They lost the game in the second quarter because Aaron Gordon was on the bench the entire quarter. He did not play the entire second quarter. He had three fouls. He had three fouls in the first quarter. They sat in the entire second quarter. And yet, he didn't play the whole quarter and the Wolves got outscored by 10. So, I mean, you've got to take advantage. You've got to start taking the ball to the basket when a guy like that is on the bench and they didn't do it.

Speaker 9:
[86:10] And I would also say in the fourth quarter down the stretch, the Wolves had some really dumb fouls that stopped the clock and sent Denver to the free throw line. It's one thing to play great defense and try to deny the ball. It's another thing to hold the player or do it. There's Julius Randall had a stupid foul. There was just some things that happened down the stretch that just they just kind of self imploded down there. But bottom line is Anthony Edwards is not healthy. He doesn't look healthy. And this team relies on him a lot. So that's a problem for this team right now.

Speaker 10:
[86:50] We got another little stat for you. Jokic and Gordon were combined 13 for 15 on two point shots in the second half. So, I mean, maybe stop a pick and roll. That might help once in a while, too.

Speaker 2:
[87:04] Well, we'll all be well, some of us, Randy and Brad, sounds like they'll be able to stay up for game two. I'll be I'll be rooting for them in my dreams this evening as they start at 945 out there in friggin Denver. Where was I going to go with this? Oh, Aaron Gordon. I would almost bet my life that his marijuana is way better than yours. That dude just looks like he has the finest weed in town, does he not?

Speaker 10:
[87:37] Well, he does play in Denver.

Speaker 6:
[87:41] Yes.

Speaker 2:
[87:43] Well, I mean, these teams have, what did I read? These teams are very evenly matched, so much so.

Speaker 6:
[87:50] Yeah.

Speaker 2:
[87:51] That over the last couple, three years, the Nuggets lead the overall series, if you count regular season in playoffs, the Nuggets lead the overall series 15 to 14, and both have won a playoff series against each other during this stretch. So I would imagine if the numbers live up to what we've seen in the past, we got a long ways to go in this, son of a bitch.

Speaker 6:
[88:19] Yeah.

Speaker 2:
[88:20] Long ways to go.

Speaker 9:
[88:21] It is the Wolves' arrival. These two teams are rivals against each other. There's no doubt about it.

Speaker 2:
[88:27] And don't you hate, that's not the word, don't you love the dirty looks and the hatred between these two teams?

Speaker 9:
[88:32] Oh, yeah.

Speaker 10:
[88:33] Oh, yeah.

Speaker 9:
[88:34] Yeah.

Speaker 10:
[88:35] I will agree with Randy, though. I mean, there is something wrong with Ant. And if, you know, I know that they're evenly matched, but this feels a little bit like if they don't win game two, it might not be a long series, just because the longer the series goes on. And I know we have five days between games in this series or whatever it is. But Edwards didn't play what, like 13 of the last 15 games during the regular season for a reason, like we said, because he's not well and-

Speaker 9:
[89:02] To be healthy now, yeah.

Speaker 10:
[89:04] Yes, yes. And the longer this series goes on, the worse that knee is going to get. So I think they're going to need to win tonight or else it could be a short series.

Speaker 2:
[89:11] Fold Shaver like a taco, Jesus says. Fold Shaver like a taco, Jesus says. Okay, yeah, but what about Terrence Shannon Jr.? Well, wait a minute. And we don't, I don't want to go on and on about this. I don't. But we all saw, we all saw, when Edwards was hurt during the regular season, how well overall the Wolves played without him as far as sharing the basketball. So if he's not ready to go, then why don't set him?

Speaker 9:
[89:41] Nick, he's not in the playoff rotation. Forget it. He's not in the playoff rotation.

Speaker 2:
[89:45] No, no, no.

Speaker 9:
[89:46] We're moving away from Terrence Shannon Jr. I'm saying Terrence Shannon Jr. What? He's not in the playoff rotation. He's not getting in there.

Speaker 2:
[89:56] I'm not talking about Terrence Shannon Jr. anymore. Did you not hear what I said?

Speaker 9:
[90:01] Who are you talking about?

Speaker 2:
[90:02] Anthony Edwards. Randy Shaver, you said a few minutes ago, you said he's not healthy enough and it's affecting everything. We all saw how well the Wolves did play overall without him, so why not take a chance and just give that reason more?

Speaker 9:
[90:18] I don't think they'll do that. I mean, I think a 60% Anthony Edwards is probably better than a lot of players in the league. Fair enough. I'm just saying for this team right now, they rely so much on him in these kind of games that it's apparent that he's not able to contribute like he'd like to.

Speaker 2:
[90:42] Do you think it's negatively affecting the entire?

Speaker 9:
[90:44] No, no, I just don't think they have the horses when he's 60%.

Speaker 2:
[90:49] Fair enough, fair enough.

Speaker 10:
[90:50] Yeah, but they need him at 100% to win this series. He's at 60%. They don't have a chance.

Speaker 2:
[90:57] Winners from yesterday in the NBA Playoffs, generally speaking, Boston. Disgusting Oklahoma City, Orlando beat Detroit, which might.

Speaker 9:
[91:06] That's a big one.

Speaker 2:
[91:07] That might mean something. San Antonio won tonight. Toronto and Cleveland, aside from the Wolves and the Nuggets, Toronto and Cleveland, Atlanta and the New York Knicks. So now, in game one of their opening round playoff series with the Dallas Stars.

Speaker 6:
[91:27] The Pigs just crushed them, crushed them.

Speaker 2:
[91:30] They stomped a mud hole and then they went ahead and walked it dry.

Speaker 9:
[91:33] Yeah, not only did they pummel them in the second period, but they made sure they were not going to do anything in the third either. They just manhandled them.

Speaker 2:
[91:44] Six goals, five of those goals were legitimate. And that's a lot of goals against the Dallas Stars. And we were saying earlier, did anyone look this up? I mean, I...

Speaker 4:
[91:55] It's kind of a tough stat to find.

Speaker 6:
[91:57] Forget it. What's the stat?

Speaker 2:
[91:59] I would bet that the six goals they scored in game one, the Man-Bear Pigs, that might be more goals in one game than the Pigs have scored in an entire playoff series in years past.

Speaker 9:
[92:12] Oh, that's possible.

Speaker 2:
[92:13] But it is a lot of arithmetic and looking stuff up. Don't worry about it.

Speaker 9:
[92:18] It feels that way.

Speaker 2:
[92:19] It feels that way.

Speaker 9:
[92:20] Yeah, for sure.

Speaker 2:
[92:21] That's a lot of goals.

Speaker 9:
[92:23] So now what will they do? Will they bring Wollstedt back for game two tonight?

Speaker 2:
[92:27] Yeah, why not? Gene Snitsky went with the Wollstedt kid. His playoff debut.

Speaker 9:
[92:32] He was great.

Speaker 2:
[92:33] Stopped 27 shots. Yeah, I mean, that's usually the recipe. You stick with a hot goalie.

Speaker 10:
[92:38] Yeah, you probably play him until he loses.

Speaker 9:
[92:43] And you know, Dallas, they had Heskinen playing. They had some of their injured guys back, right?

Speaker 2:
[92:49] Yes. So they had the defenseman back. I didn't get to see the game again. I had a miserable weekend doing miserable things.

Speaker 9:
[92:56] So they had some of their healthy or their injured guys playing. So it wasn't like they were terribly shorthanded.

Speaker 2:
[93:02] Heskinen, Heskinen, whatever he was out there. Rupi Hintz, I don't think he was available. And that's a key player for the Stars. The players you'd expect to see make contributions did in game one. Boldy, Erickson Eck, the Russian kid, Zuccarello, weird as hell Quinn Hughes played despite being sick as a dog recently.

Speaker 9:
[93:23] Boldy was fantastic. I mean, wow, he's just such a great player.

Speaker 2:
[93:28] Here's a listener that says if they go with Gus tonight, Fire Snitsky.

Speaker 9:
[93:33] Oh, come on.

Speaker 2:
[93:34] Well, he's joking, of course. He wants to see the Wollstedt kid get another start.

Speaker 9:
[93:40] They could go with the other guy and still be okay though. They've got two goalies that are very good and he could alternate them back and forth if he wanted to.

Speaker 2:
[93:53] I think they'll stick with Wollstedt. So here's what Pigs fans need to know, even though you're understandably pumped after what you watched on Saturday. The stars have made the Western Conference final final each of the past three seasons. And they're 1 and 7 in game 1s at home during. They never seem to play well in game 1 at home, even though they make deep pushes into the playoffs. So I don't really know what that tells you. Game 2 begins tonight around 8.45. They just seem to be garbage in game 1, especially when they play at home. Oh, damn.

Speaker 9:
[94:37] Yeah, but they're facing a really good wild team. I mean, if there's a team that has a shot to stop that trend, I think it's this wild team.

Speaker 2:
[94:48] Well, like I said last week, this is a straight up coin toss. Both of these hockey clubs are good enough to win the whole frigging thing.

Speaker 9:
[94:56] Yeah. I don't think there's any question.

Speaker 10:
[95:00] Good news about the two games tonight, the Wolves game and the Wild game, they're both on networks that everybody can see on.

Speaker 2:
[95:07] Okay.

Speaker 6:
[95:09] They are? Yeah.

Speaker 9:
[95:10] Peacock.

Speaker 10:
[95:13] I thought it was NBC. I thought I saw it was NBC, the main.

Speaker 9:
[95:16] A late night game?

Speaker 10:
[95:18] Yeah, I thought that's what I saw.

Speaker 9:
[95:20] Covering up the main news? I don't think so.

Speaker 10:
[95:23] Well, I saw it on nba.com. It says 1030 Eastern, 930 Central, NBC.

Speaker 9:
[95:30] NBC Peacock, I think.

Speaker 2:
[95:33] I don't know. I'll find out tonight, I guess. But Brad is saying we can easily find the games.

Speaker 10:
[95:38] It's Peacock.

Speaker 9:
[95:39] It is.

Speaker 10:
[95:40] It's Peacock. Okay. Well, then on the NBA website, they're misleading people.

Speaker 2:
[95:45] All right. We'll find it one way or the other. Yesterday's winners in the National Hockey League, Colorado, Montreal, Buffalo scored four goals in the third period to overcome a deficit against I can't remember who they're playing.

Speaker 9:
[95:57] Boston.

Speaker 2:
[95:58] Boston. Las Vegas won. Tonight, Philly and Pittsburgh, Ottawa, Carolina, Anaheim, Edmonton. Randy, do you still need to call out for any players for this weekend's Pickleball Charity Tournament?

Speaker 9:
[96:15] If there's people that would like to play, we still need players, both men and women, for Saturday's event at Drop Shot Pickleball in Shakopee. You can go to our website, the Randy Shaver Cancer Research website, or to the Drop Shot website to sign up. We'd love to see you come out there. Nick's going to be out there on Friday night. I'm going to be playing. Belinda Jensen's playing. Glenn Perkins is playing. Marcus Sherrill's is playing. And a few of the great pros that are located here in the Twin Cities will also be playing in kind of a round robin with people that sign up that want to play for fun. So it's a Friday, Saturday event, but the main event is Saturday for the tournament event for players.

Speaker 2:
[97:09] All right.

Speaker 9:
[97:09] So yes, thank you.

Speaker 2:
[97:11] If folks are interested in showing up or signing up, where should they go?

Speaker 9:
[97:15] Go to the Randy Shaver Cancer Research and Community Fund website. And then or to the Drop Shot website. Drop Shot is located in Shakopee.

Speaker 6:
[97:27] Gotcha. Yeah, yesterday.

Speaker 2:
[97:29] Yesterday, Randy, me and my coach went out and we practiced pickleball.

Speaker 9:
[97:33] I played for two hours yesterday in an FCA event in Rogers. And I was so dead when I got done, I couldn't even move.

Speaker 2:
[97:43] I made it about an hour.

Speaker 9:
[97:45] That's good.

Speaker 2:
[97:46] But it's the first time I've played in, I don't know, a year or two. And, you know, trying to get warmed up to the idea of playing on Friday night. And you know what, Cubby?

Speaker 3:
[97:57] You still got it?

Speaker 2:
[97:57] I'm good.

Speaker 3:
[97:58] Yeah, it doesn't surprise me.

Speaker 2:
[97:59] Yeah, I'm good.

Speaker 9:
[98:00] Six to nine on Friday night for this event at Drop Shot.

Speaker 2:
[98:03] Come on out to Drop Shot. Watch the nightmare unfold. Oh, man. Let's see if he can anticipate this joke coming here in just a minute. Some listeners have texted in. And back to the Man Bear Pigs. They tell me that head coach Gene Snitsky has already named a starting goalie for tonight. Can you guess who it is?

Speaker 10:
[98:31] Terrence Shannon Jr. I was going to say Cesar Maniago.

Speaker 2:
[98:37] Yes. Oh, my God. The Twins got swept at home over the weekend. That blows. They lost a couple of one-run games on Friday and Saturday. Yesterday, it looked like they had the Reds right where they wanted them. And then things all went to hell in the ninth inning.

Speaker 9:
[98:52] Starting pitching has been really good. Their bullpen has been sketchy. That's really kind of the bottom line right now.

Speaker 2:
[98:59] Let me give you some numbers on those starting pitchers. What does this say? Well, Bailey Ober had a nice start yesterday.

Speaker 9:
[99:05] Yeah.

Speaker 2:
[99:06] One earned run over six and a third. The Twins starters gave up just three earned runs over 18 and a third innings in the series.

Speaker 9:
[99:15] Yes.

Speaker 10:
[99:15] Oh, that hurts that you didn't win at least one of those games. Yeah.

Speaker 2:
[99:18] Bullpen did struggle. Also, Twins batters were six for 35 with runners in scoring position against the Cincinnati Reds.

Speaker 9:
[99:29] But I think we have to be encouraged, really, honestly. I know the Twins have fallen to 500 at this point, but the hitting will come around once it gets warmer outside and things get going. I think the hitting will come around. I think you have to be concerned about the bullpen and there might be some changes coming. AAA is supplying maybe some pitchers this week in an effort to kind of shore some things up, but the starting pitching has been really good. Other than Simeon's Wood Richardson, who's off to kind of a slow start, everybody else has been and what I love about Shelton is that he's letting them go. He's letting them, you know, he's letting them pitch into the sixth inning, seventh inning. I think that's a good sign.

Speaker 2:
[100:14] So, yeah, we like what Derek Shelton is all about so far. They got a day off today before starting a series in Queens, New York, against the Metropolitan.

Speaker 9:
[100:23] Perfect.

Speaker 2:
[100:23] The New York Mets have lost 11 games in a row.

Speaker 9:
[100:26] Just what the doctor ordered.

Speaker 2:
[100:29] Yeah.

Speaker 6:
[100:31] Back to Pickleball real quick.

Speaker 2:
[100:32] In your event this weekend at Dropshot Pickleball, Randy Shaver, former radio guy, Jesus, has a question. Can I come play if I have no clue how to play?

Speaker 9:
[100:45] Sure, you can sign up and play.

Speaker 2:
[100:46] Yes. And he has a question. Is it stupid easy to learn? Well, after playing yesterday with my coach and two other experienced pickleball players, I was reminded of a couple of things. Yes, it's easy to learn to play. If you ever played any tennis or ping pong, you'll get the hang of it quickly. The most difficult part of Pickleball is remembering where to stand and understanding how to score, how to keep score.

Speaker 4:
[101:12] Sure. Yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 2:
[101:13] I will be asking someone all night long on Friday, what's the score? What's the score? Because I don't under... And where you stand is an issue for your teammate if you're playing doubles, but overall, it's easy to play.

Speaker 9:
[101:27] Yeah, depending on if you're serving or not, where you stand. That's right.

Speaker 2:
[101:30] Right.

Speaker 5:
[101:31] Are you able to...

Speaker 9:
[101:32] But you'll figure it out.

Speaker 3:
[101:33] Are you able to say who your coach is, or is that a secret?

Speaker 2:
[101:36] Oh, no. It's one of my wife's... Well, it's my wife's best friend by the name of Kim. You know Kim.

Speaker 3:
[101:41] Oh, yeah.

Speaker 2:
[101:42] Yeah. She is a experienced...

Speaker 3:
[101:44] That's right. She told me about that...

Speaker 2:
[101:46] .veteran championship level pickle baller. She is my coach. Hello, coach, if you're listening. Thank you for yesterday's practice. Yeah, I never know what the score is, Josh. I have no idea what the score is at any time.

Speaker 3:
[101:58] Took me a while to figure that out, too. Yeah.

Speaker 9:
[102:00] Just assume you're winning, Nick.

Speaker 2:
[102:02] I always do.

Speaker 9:
[102:03] Yeah, just assume you're winning.

Speaker 2:
[102:05] In life and in everything else.

Speaker 4:
[102:06] It's like being at a bowling alley where they don't have the automatic scoring.

Speaker 9:
[102:09] Right. Oh, gosh.

Speaker 4:
[102:10] That's miserable.

Speaker 2:
[102:12] Oh, wow.

Speaker 3:
[102:13] We learned that in school.

Speaker 4:
[102:14] I think we did too, actually, to think about it.

Speaker 9:
[102:17] I learned that in college.

Speaker 4:
[102:18] Oh, did you take bowling to college, Randy? Yeah.

Speaker 9:
[102:20] Hell yeah.

Speaker 4:
[102:21] That was awesome.

Speaker 2:
[102:22] You guys understand how to score bowling without having it on the television?

Speaker 9:
[102:27] Yes.

Speaker 2:
[102:28] I love watching bowling on television. I still don't understand the score. I didn't go to college.

Speaker 9:
[102:34] Oh, man. I learned how to play billiards in college.

Speaker 3:
[102:39] Oh, cool.

Speaker 4:
[102:40] For a class or just at the bar?

Speaker 9:
[102:42] No, it was a class. Oh, wow.

Speaker 6:
[102:44] Little pocket billiards?

Speaker 9:
[102:46] Yeah. I was on the athlete program in freshman year, so I was taking a bunch of that kind of stuff.

Speaker 2:
[102:52] When's the last time you played a game of pocket billiards?

Speaker 9:
[102:55] Not that long ago. I have a table downstairs.

Speaker 12:
[102:57] Oh, you do?

Speaker 9:
[102:58] Oh, I certainly do.

Speaker 2:
[102:59] Oh, I guess I've only been in your house twice, and I was awfully drunk both times.

Speaker 6:
[103:05] Do you play often?

Speaker 9:
[103:07] I play once in a while. Rosanna and I will play. She likes to play.

Speaker 2:
[103:13] We should play some time.

Speaker 9:
[103:15] I'm sure you're very good. I'm not that good, but I love to play.

Speaker 2:
[103:18] Well, see, here's the thing. My wife refuses to play pocket billiards. She's totally bored and uninterested in the sport, so I go ahead with the easy jokes. I play a lot with myself.

Speaker 9:
[103:33] She doesn't like angles.

Speaker 2:
[103:35] No, she doesn't want anything to do with it. So I'm the stripes, and then oops, I missed. Now I'm the solids. You know, you play a little. We should play sometime.

Speaker 9:
[103:43] I would like that.

Speaker 2:
[103:43] I enjoy the hell out of it. I enjoy the hell out of pocket billiards. Here's a listener who's texted in Jiu Jitsu Jesus. So I mentioned that, you know, I played a little pickleball yesterday. I'll be playing Friday night at Randy's tournament. And I've mentioned before, my other form of exercise is mall walking. Now my wife and I are mall walkers. Jiu Jitsu Jesus wants to know, when is 93X going to host a mall walking 5K, like a charity event?

Speaker 3:
[104:13] That sounds fun.

Speaker 9:
[104:14] That sounds fun.

Speaker 2:
[104:15] You took walking in college. Did you not, Josh?

Speaker 3:
[104:18] No, not walking. Fitness walking, Nick. There's a difference. It was me and about 15 other gals. And they got me a cake at the end of it because I guess they were taking bets on when I'd quit. Ah!

Speaker 2:
[104:32] You were the only guy.

Speaker 3:
[104:33] Yeah.

Speaker 6:
[104:33] Fitness walking.

Speaker 3:
[104:35] Correct.

Speaker 9:
[104:36] It was fitness walking or fitness speed walking?

Speaker 3:
[104:39] Yeah, like speed walking.

Speaker 13:
[104:40] Yeah.

Speaker 6:
[104:40] Yeah.

Speaker 9:
[104:40] Yeah.

Speaker 10:
[104:41] We have a class here called power walking. Was it the same thing?

Speaker 3:
[104:44] I don't know. I'm not 100% sure. I'm guessing it's probably the same. Yeah, I learned a lot. Actually, surprisingly, there's something to learning how to walk.

Speaker 2:
[104:54] Fitness walking is different than power walking.

Speaker 3:
[104:57] I don't know. You walk fast.

Speaker 2:
[104:59] Right.

Speaker 3:
[105:00] And you know what? It's probably good, at least from my experience at a Normandale there. Good training for walking the line when you're drunk because you kind of put one foot in front of another. I suppose, yeah. You know, going as fast as you can.

Speaker 2:
[105:14] I'd like to see you recreate what they taught you about the pace and the positioning of fitness walking. I'd like to see how different it is than just walking across the room naturally. When my wife and I mall walk, I go very slow. So fitness walking, there is a pace to it. You will break a sweat. Josh?

Speaker 3:
[105:39] Yeah. Do you want me to give you an example?

Speaker 2:
[105:42] Go ahead. Do it real quick.

Speaker 3:
[105:43] Okay. Be gentle. It's been a while.

Speaker 6:
[105:44] Be honest now. He's taking his jacket off.

Speaker 4:
[105:46] Yeah. You know he's serious right now.

Speaker 3:
[105:48] Oh boy.

Speaker 2:
[105:48] Give us really what they taught you, how to fitness walk.

Speaker 6:
[105:53] Okay.

Speaker 2:
[105:53] He's moving some chairs out of the way. He's preparing to fitness walk for me.

Speaker 6:
[105:58] Go ahead. Oh my damn. Are you serious?

Speaker 4:
[106:01] That's a solid stride, Josh.

Speaker 6:
[106:04] That's one iota short of a jog.

Speaker 2:
[106:08] I mean, you're really digging hard.

Speaker 4:
[106:11] Yeah.

Speaker 3:
[106:11] I was a star student. I really tried.

Speaker 6:
[106:14] That is a fast pace.

Speaker 4:
[106:16] Josh, of the 15 girls in the class, how many did you hook up with?

Speaker 3:
[106:20] Oh my gosh. I'll only see none. Believe it or not, they weren't interested in a guy that took fitness walking.

Speaker 2:
[106:30] I'm telling you, Cubby, that was a pretty ridiculous pace.

Speaker 3:
[106:36] It looks silly though. I've never done it in real life.

Speaker 2:
[106:38] You did look like a jag off.

Speaker 3:
[106:39] It looks pretty silly.

Speaker 11:
[106:40] Yeah.

Speaker 4:
[106:41] If I saw something to do down the sidewalk, I'd be a little concerned.

Speaker 11:
[106:43] Yeah.

Speaker 2:
[106:44] Randy, how about a billiard tournament for cancer funds someday?

Speaker 4:
[106:48] Sure.

Speaker 9:
[106:50] You'd have to find a bar that's got multiple tables and that kind of thing.

Speaker 2:
[106:54] We can call the folks at two stooges, three stooges, four stooges. What's the one up there in Coon Rapids, Spring Lake Park?

Speaker 4:
[107:01] That's an Ashley question.

Speaker 2:
[107:02] Yeah. She's up in that neighborhood.

Speaker 3:
[107:03] I was just going to ask about Ashley. Is she as good as she says she is, her and her husband?

Speaker 2:
[107:08] I'm sorry.

Speaker 3:
[107:09] No comment?

Speaker 2:
[107:10] I was reading a text message.

Speaker 3:
[107:11] I was asking, is Ashley as good?

Speaker 2:
[107:13] No.

Speaker 3:
[107:13] Okay. I saw her play one today at a bad night.

Speaker 2:
[107:15] She thinks she's good. She's not good. Her husband, he's got some skills, though.

Speaker 3:
[107:20] Yeah. When we, there was like everybody was playing at your house. I saw her and her husband play, and she mentioned she had a bad night.

Speaker 2:
[107:26] She's not very good. Two Stooges. Shooters in Burnsville.

Speaker 4:
[107:30] Oh, that's the other one I was thinking of, yep. Yeah.

Speaker 3:
[107:31] I've been there before.

Speaker 6:
[107:32] What about a charity beef walk?

Speaker 4:
[107:34] Oh, no.

Speaker 3:
[107:36] That term is so gross.

Speaker 6:
[107:37] Yes.

Speaker 4:
[107:37] It's so funny, though.

Speaker 6:
[107:39] Yes.

Speaker 2:
[107:40] I love to hate that term. We got all kinds of angles. We can play pocket billiards. We can mall walk. We could have events planned for the whole calendar year. Not to darken the mood here, but what in the hell killed Garrett Anderson?

Speaker 9:
[107:57] Oh, I don't know. They haven't released the cause of death.

Speaker 2:
[108:01] Terrific hitter from the 90s and into the 2000s, California Angel, Garrett Anderson died. He's the franchise all-time leader in hits. Yeah. Died last week. I don't know how. We didn't know this Friday, I guess. The news didn't work.

Speaker 9:
[108:16] I think it happened after the show. Yeah.

Speaker 3:
[108:19] I thought they said a heart attack.

Speaker 2:
[108:20] God dang, he was 53. Yeah. He had a medical emergency at his home. If he's having a heart attack at 53, Jesus. What about the rest of us who were in that age group? Yeah. Great hitter. Seemed like a real nice guy. Won a World Series with the Angels, All-Star teams up the yin-yang, Silver Slugger Award. He was one of my favorite hitters to watch. That is so sad. Yeah. God dang. He was doing some television work with the Angels, you know, on and off like we get from Justin Morneau and our guy Glenn Perk. That is so friggin sad. Had a wife and a kid or two. All right. I'm sorry to bring that up, but that's just-

Speaker 9:
[109:05] No. No. I'm glad you did.

Speaker 2:
[109:09] Ah, dang. Oh, continuing with baseball. I don't know if we have this video up on our website. A minor leaguer up to the plate for an at-bat.

Speaker 6:
[109:21] He threw his bat at the pitcher.

Speaker 2:
[109:23] After the pitcher smoked him in the batting helmet with a fastball. This is up. It's up on our website if you want to check it out. Friday night game, a couple of minor league clubs, the Warchester Red Sox, the Nashville Sounds, whoever the hell those people are. It's a fun video, though. I mean, he got freaking beaned right to the batting helmet with a heater. Looked like a Randy Johnson, kind of a lefty sidearm pitch. It got away from the pitcher. And he threw his aluminum bat back at the mound. Now, the benches did clear. It didn't escalate into anything ridiculous. But that was, I'm surprised more, more batters don't just fire that frigging bat.

Speaker 4:
[110:09] Kind of reminded me of when Torrey Hunter against the White Sox. Things like 04 or something. One got thrown behind him. He was trying to hit him and it hit the backstop. And Torrey picked it up and threw it right back at the pitcher as hard as he could. Oh, I wish you would have hit him.

Speaker 2:
[110:24] That was a White Sox matchup, wasn't it?

Speaker 4:
[110:26] Yeah.

Speaker 2:
[110:28] Now, for the batter in this video, if you get a chance to see it where he gets plunked and then throws the bat back at the pitcher, this batter might have been like a last straw type of a situation. It says it was the eighth time this season in just 15 games that this batter has been hit by a pitch. He gets plunked a lot. I don't know if he's crowding the hell out of the plate. I've watched enough of his. Eight times in 15 games he's been plunked. The guy had a breaking point, I guess. I don't think many of us follow college baseball too closely, but I got to let you in on this. Saturday, by the way, Jimmy's Billiards in Columbia Heights is another place where we could have a billiard tournament. People are texting in this stuff up and down. OK. Saturday, Northern Colorado University took on the University of St. Thomas here in town. They played 21 innings of baseball. I saw this. It sounds like maybe they were playing a little bit Friday. It got too dark. They had to restart the game or continue the game on Saturday. But overall, they had played 21 innings of baseball without determining a winner. And what a dramatic way to end this marathon ball game. Northern Carolina, Northern Colorado, won it on a bases loaded walk-off balk.

Speaker 4:
[111:57] Oh, that's always exciting.

Speaker 2:
[111:59] Most exciting play in sports.

Speaker 4:
[112:00] We have 100 percent.

Speaker 2:
[112:02] A bases loaded walk-off balk with two outs in the bottom of the 21st inning. That's one way to do it right there.

Speaker 4:
[112:10] Something you dream about as a kid being at the plate.

Speaker 3:
[112:13] You celebrate that win.

Speaker 4:
[112:15] Yeah, you kind of practice it in the backyard.

Speaker 2:
[112:18] I don't know if we can post that video up on our website because that is one hell of an anti-climactic game ending moment.

Speaker 6:
[112:33] The walk-off balk or the walk-off balk or the walk-off walk.

Speaker 2:
[112:39] It doesn't get any better than that.

Speaker 4:
[112:41] You're just going to look at each other, oh, all right, I guess we're done here.

Speaker 3:
[112:46] Maybe after 21 innings, they just didn't care.

Speaker 10:
[112:48] Yeah. I saw the video. They did celebrate it like they just won the World Series.

Speaker 2:
[112:53] They did. They're college kids. They're heading straight to the sorority house to have a panty raid.

Speaker 4:
[112:58] They know what's next. That's what they were celebrating.

Speaker 10:
[113:02] And it was a balk.

Speaker 2:
[113:04] Yes, it was. The pitcher acted as if he had no idea, but it did look like a. Ah, there you go.

Speaker 6:
[113:16] Well, you do you follow college?

Speaker 2:
[113:17] Wait a minute. I'm forgetting now, Brad Ryder, you coach college softball or baseball?

Speaker 10:
[113:22] I coach high school softball.

Speaker 6:
[113:23] High school softball.

Speaker 2:
[113:25] OK.

Speaker 10:
[113:25] Yeah.

Speaker 2:
[113:27] Have things gotten started for you yet?

Speaker 10:
[113:29] Oh, yeah. We're right in the middle of the season.

Speaker 2:
[113:31] What?

Speaker 10:
[113:33] Yeah, we're right in the middle of the season.

Speaker 2:
[113:34] Winter just ended a couple weeks ago.

Speaker 10:
[113:36] Have you got any?

Speaker 4:
[113:37] No, not on Sunday.

Speaker 10:
[113:38] Oh, yeah. We played four. We played five games. We got four games this week, too.

Speaker 4:
[113:43] Do they bust? Do the players bust your balls like we do? Because that would be awesome.

Speaker 10:
[113:48] What do you mean?

Speaker 12:
[113:49] Oh, you mean like you guys do here?

Speaker 4:
[113:51] Yeah, they bust your chops.

Speaker 10:
[113:53] Oh, once in a while.

Speaker 2:
[113:55] Oh, you mean because of his appearances on this program?

Speaker 4:
[113:59] No, just in general.

Speaker 10:
[114:00] No, dads do. Their dads do once in a while.

Speaker 2:
[114:04] Do some of the dads listen to our program?

Speaker 10:
[114:07] Yeah. Oh, absolutely. Yeah.

Speaker 2:
[114:10] You want to make any shout outs?

Speaker 9:
[114:12] Do they do the famous line to you?

Speaker 10:
[114:14] Oh, no, they do not. They do not use that line. Thank goodness. In front of their 15-year-old daughter.

Speaker 3:
[114:24] Probably good.

Speaker 9:
[114:26] Just wondering.

Speaker 3:
[114:28] Just a little curiosity.

Speaker 10:
[114:30] I don't want to miss anybody, so I'll just give a shout out to all my softball dads out there listening. And the umpires who I come in contact with occasionally who say brotherhood.

Speaker 3:
[114:40] Oh, cool.

Speaker 2:
[114:41] That's very cool. People are still texting in different bars that we could host our possible future billiard tournament. You know, different bars where we could host that tournament to raise some money for Randy Shaver's Cancer Research Fund. How about a joint called The Mug in Farmington? Well, Randy has always said, look, we'd like to save some lives, but we're not going to Farmington.

Speaker 9:
[115:07] Yes.

Speaker 10:
[115:08] Farmington, that's where we play today.

Speaker 9:
[115:11] There you go.

Speaker 2:
[115:12] We want to save people, but not that bad. Kidding, of course.

Speaker 9:
[115:17] We'd go a long way to do it, but not to Farmington.

Speaker 10:
[115:26] Anybody from Farmington listening that's got a daughter playing softball today? I did not say that.

Speaker 2:
[115:32] You got a game against Farmington?

Speaker 10:
[115:35] Yeah.

Speaker 4:
[115:36] Please tell me it's home, at least. You don't have to go to Farmington, do you?

Speaker 10:
[115:38] Well, we do later this year, but today is at home.

Speaker 4:
[115:41] I'd call him sick that day.

Speaker 3:
[115:43] Have you seen their new high school? Yeah.

Speaker 4:
[115:45] Farmington actually has gotten a lot nicer than when I was a kid.

Speaker 3:
[115:47] Oh, man.

Speaker 4:
[115:48] It's pretty fancy.

Speaker 9:
[115:49] It's pretty nice.

Speaker 3:
[115:52] My cousin's son played football for Rosemont, so I went to a couple of games there. It's shockingly nice.

Speaker 9:
[115:59] Their football stadium is down in a bowl, right?

Speaker 3:
[116:01] Yeah.

Speaker 9:
[116:01] They're at Farmington. It's pretty cool.

Speaker 3:
[116:04] No, yeah. Maybe it's not a bowl. I can't remember exactly, but I just remember being pretty impressed by it.

Speaker 9:
[116:09] Yeah. It's pretty cool.

Speaker 2:
[116:10] Hey, Cubby, back to your fitness walking career, where you aced that class in college. Spring Winding Jesus. Winding? Winding? I'll go with winding. Spring Winding Jesus. He wants to know if you're familiar with the Malcolm in the Middle episode, where they dive into all the drama in the power walking community. Yeah.

Speaker 3:
[116:32] I was thinking that too.

Speaker 2:
[116:36] But you never engaged is the only word that I can come up with. You never engaged in that scene beyond college.

Speaker 3:
[116:46] Oh, no.

Speaker 2:
[116:46] No?

Speaker 3:
[116:48] I mean, beyond just specifically that class, I wouldn't practice or anything. We just go for a long walk, so that's pretty much it.

Speaker 2:
[116:57] All right. How about this? A parachutist got a little off course. The poor bastard. This poor sumbitch, Ashley's back in the room. She can tell me if we have this pecker head up on the website. Poor bastard was left dangling from the scoreboard at the Virginia Tech University Spring Football game.

Speaker 7:
[117:21] Yeah, that's up on the website.

Speaker 2:
[117:23] So as they were doing the anthem, dude falls out the sky carrying himself an American flag. He missed his mark, which was the frigging football field. And he wound up slamming into the stadium scoreboard. And there he was spinning for a while, just hanging there. Local fire department was on site, and they were able to get this parachutist safely to the ground. But I mean, he slapped into that scoreboard. And they had to take him to the hospital. Sounds like he's doing all right. He knows where he is and everything. But he missed his friggin mark. Oh, boy. And if the fire department wouldn't have been there, you know, the college kids would have left him there all night. That is up on our website. Yep. I've been to a few of those ballgames where those guys come sail. That's a skill set right there. Yeah. Be able to pull the cords, and you go this way. Then we could talk about the fan man again. He lost control. That's some bitch, didn't he, the fan man?

Speaker 6:
[118:30] And they beat his ass.

Speaker 3:
[118:31] Oh yeah, he got a whiff.

Speaker 4:
[118:32] He got a whiff.

Speaker 3:
[118:33] He was not, I don't think he got the reaction he had hoped for.

Speaker 2:
[118:36] Oh, they beat his ass when he landed in that boxing ring.

Speaker 4:
[118:39] He got beat up worse than the fighters did that night.

Speaker 2:
[118:41] Yeah, he did. That was Riddick Bowe and Evander Holyfield, if I'm not, I remember watching it live.

Speaker 4:
[118:47] Do you?

Speaker 2:
[118:47] On a television up at St. Cloud State, we ordered up the Riddick, but maybe it was on HBO, but we were watching. And there wasn't one swinging D in the room who could understand what had just happened. What the hell was it? Guy comes falling from the sky, gets wrapped up in the rope, he's got a fan on his back, and then everyone in the crowd started kicking his ass.

Speaker 4:
[119:07] Probably one of those ones where you woke up the next morning, you had a bunch of beards, you're like, wait, did that really happen? Or did I imagine that?

Speaker 2:
[119:13] Same as when Tyson bit Holyfield. No one could really understand what we were looking at for a few seconds.

Speaker 4:
[119:20] I remember that I was at a buddy's cabin and we didn't have access to pay-per-view, so we biked to the gas station the next morning to read the paper to figure out what happened. We were looking at the paper, reading the stories in the headline, like, are you serious? Is this a joke?

Speaker 2:
[119:35] Other people are texting in on their very difficult college courses. So Josh took a fitness walking, Randy took a pocket billiards class. I remember Big Al, one of the best hockey players I ever played with. Big Al, when he went to St. Cloud State for three months or however long he lasted up there, he took an ice skating class.

Speaker 7:
[119:57] Okay, easy.

Speaker 2:
[119:58] What a dick.

Speaker 1:
[119:59] I would say the best class I ever took in college was bowling, learning how to bowl.

Speaker 7:
[120:04] That's so sweet. What? You had such cool classes.

Speaker 2:
[120:07] You mentioned that you could, that's how you know how to score bowling. So...

Speaker 1:
[120:11] Well, not just score, but know how to use the marks on the lanes to be able to throw the ball, yeah.

Speaker 2:
[120:19] Turn that pig over and get her spinning towards the... Oh, here's a text that says, a buddy of mine took fishing.

Speaker 1:
[120:27] Oh, yeah. Oh, cool.

Speaker 2:
[120:28] In high school.

Speaker 4:
[120:29] That'd be awesome.

Speaker 2:
[120:30] I was doing arithmetic and he was catching crappies. Yeah, fishing, outdoor ed. That's what we called it, outdoor education. Yeah, we'd go fishing. That's when I learned I was the greatest kayaker in Hennepin County, was when we had that outdoor class. We fish, we kayak, we chewed tobacco. What else did we do?

Speaker 4:
[120:50] All we did was snowshoe, and I didn't enjoy it.

Speaker 7:
[120:52] We didn't do anything cool.

Speaker 2:
[120:54] Snowshoeing?

Speaker 4:
[120:55] Yeah.

Speaker 7:
[120:55] God, that's a lot harder than I ever thought it was going to be.

Speaker 2:
[120:58] My God, that's stupid.

Speaker 7:
[120:59] It's exhausting.

Speaker 4:
[121:00] Fishing sounds great. That'd be really cool.

Speaker 7:
[121:02] Yeah.

Speaker 2:
[121:03] Brock Lesnar has retired, apparently. He was very emotional about it at Rasslemania last night or two nights ago.

Speaker 4:
[121:10] Did you watch Dana?

Speaker 3:
[121:11] Yeah, I watched both nights. You guys ass kicked.

Speaker 2:
[121:14] Brock Lesnar, I didn't know he was still involved, but I'm out of tune with the television wrestling and I hate myself every day for it. I didn't know he was still active. So he had a match last night, he got whooped and he walked away tears. Did he get on the microphone?

Speaker 3:
[121:30] Didn't get on the microphone. He did the symbolic leave his shoes, untie his shoes and leave him in the middle of the ring. That's kind of the symbol of a wrestler retiring.

Speaker 2:
[121:37] Yes. Well, that's it. But he is a television wrestler.

Speaker 3:
[121:43] Right.

Speaker 2:
[121:44] Which means maybe that's not it.

Speaker 3:
[121:46] A lot of people suspected that his final match would be here in August when SummerSlam is at the New Metrodome.

Speaker 2:
[121:52] Oh.

Speaker 3:
[121:54] But apparently he doesn't want to wait that long. But again, like you said, it's television wrestling.

Speaker 1:
[121:59] How old is he now?

Speaker 3:
[122:01] Brock? 48.

Speaker 1:
[122:03] 48?

Speaker 2:
[122:05] Wow. Well, some of those guys are older than that, too. Well, yeah. But it's a little different when we're talking about a guy who we all remember as a college kid.

Speaker 3:
[122:18] Yeah.

Speaker 1:
[122:19] Yeah. No kidding.

Speaker 3:
[122:20] I just remember him as a Viking. That will be his legacy in my mind.

Speaker 1:
[122:24] Such a great wrestler in college. He was unbelievable.

Speaker 2:
[122:28] I did get one text this morning that said, um, please mention the retirement of Viking legend Brock.

Speaker 4:
[122:40] Dana, you have some weird jerseys. Did you buy a Brock jersey? No.

Speaker 3:
[122:43] And I regret it too. I don't think they're on sale for very long, but when you do see them pop up on eBay, they're very expensive.

Speaker 4:
[122:49] Oh, are they?

Speaker 3:
[122:50] Yeah. Cause I'm pretty sure he was 69 too. He sure was. That I think that kind of adds to the appeal. Oh God.

Speaker 2:
[122:58] Yeah, I think we all remember or have a Paul Heyman, Jesus Christ. I was just reading the name Paul Heyman, because Brock hugged Paul Heyman on his way out the ring. We all remember or have a good Brock Lesnar story from when he was a college wrestler or just from him being in town for all those years. He's lived in Canada now for years. Is that correct? I thought he became a Canadian.

Speaker 1:
[123:21] Yeah, he doesn't live here anymore.

Speaker 4:
[123:23] It was cool when he was a wrestler here at the U. He'd stop in every once in a while.

Speaker 3:
[123:27] Oh yeah.

Speaker 4:
[123:28] We got to know him a little bit.

Speaker 2:
[123:29] Is he still married to, don't tell me, a sable?

Speaker 3:
[123:32] Yep.

Speaker 1:
[123:34] He has a daughter that, wasn't she like a shot putter?

Speaker 3:
[123:37] Yeah.

Speaker 4:
[123:38] Supposedly she's incredible, right?

Speaker 3:
[123:39] Yeah, Colorado State.

Speaker 1:
[123:41] She's like an Olympian quality thrower, I believe.

Speaker 4:
[123:45] She did really well.

Speaker 3:
[123:46] And she looks just like her dad and not just like her mom, unfortunately.

Speaker 7:
[123:49] Oh, that's weird. Oh, I have seen those photos. Yeah, it's odd.

Speaker 2:
[123:53] This is big news. You're right, Dana. This is a fake retirement. Lesnar's last match will be at SummerSlam against Terrence Shannon Jr. And I'll tell you what, if we're worried about what Terrence Shannon Jr. is going to do at WrestleMania, we're not thinking right. It's not about Terrence Shannon.

Speaker 3:
[124:18] It's not going to be a very good card if we're worried about what Terrence Shannon Jr. is going to perform.

Speaker 2:
[124:25] Oh, man. Yeah, I mean, yeah, like Josh said, we wish Brock well if this is really the end.

Speaker 4:
[124:31] Yeah, definitely.

Speaker 2:
[124:32] And by God, congratulations on Sable again.

Speaker 4:
[124:34] But nice work there.

Speaker 2:
[124:37] If it is really over, I mean, yeah, we had him around the studio, the radio studio a lot. He almost, he thought about killing me for a brief second at the Xcel Energy Center.

Speaker 4:
[124:48] Why's that?

Speaker 2:
[124:49] Well, we had him in studio, jaw-jacking back and forth up and down. I think at this point he was out of school and he was in his first couple of years of wrestling with the Double-Double-E. That same night, I go off to a Pigs game and I walk up into the con course, that's the word I was looking for, and I see him. There's Brock. His back is like a drive-in movie screen. I couldn't make a mistake. That was Brock. He's walking in front of me. So I walk up and I half kind of slapped him on the back to get him to turn around. And he spun around and gave me this frigging look. His eyes were as big as dinner plates. Yeah, he kind of got into a killing mode. He got into a fighting stance.

Speaker 7:
[125:43] It's ready to beat your ass.

Speaker 3:
[125:44] Did you pee yourself a little bit?

Speaker 2:
[125:45] Well, I mean, I couldn't help but kind of backpedal.

Speaker 4:
[125:48] Oh, I'd freak out.

Speaker 2:
[125:49] Dude, it's me from the radio station from six frigging hours ago. Jesus. And then he's like, oh yeah, yeah, what's up, bro? What's up? But he spun around as if I hit him with a shovel. Maybe I don't understand.

Speaker 1:
[126:04] If it was for you, it wouldn't have lasted long.

Speaker 4:
[126:08] That's true, quick death.

Speaker 2:
[126:09] Maybe I don't, maybe Josh, I don't understand my own strength. When I patted him on the.

Speaker 4:
[126:14] I wouldn't be surprised.

Speaker 1:
[126:15] Yeah. Maybe, maybe he just, you just startled him because you're so strong.

Speaker 2:
[126:20] Yeah. Like it was a, he acted like it was a chair shot.

Speaker 4:
[126:25] He picked me up once and it was so easy for him. I felt like I was in an anti-gravity chamber.

Speaker 7:
[126:30] You feel like a little kid.

Speaker 2:
[126:31] Yeah.

Speaker 3:
[126:31] I'm picturing him cradling me like a baby.

Speaker 4:
[126:33] Yeah. He, I went up to him and he's towering over me. Obviously he just picked me up. It was like nothing to him.

Speaker 2:
[126:39] He kind of, you got, he kind of twisted your own into the 69 position there.

Speaker 3:
[126:44] Oh, the old stand up 69?

Speaker 4:
[126:46] Nobody can do that, can they? Has anybody ever done that?

Speaker 7:
[126:51] I'm sure, yeah.

Speaker 2:
[126:52] Everybody does the stand up 69.

Speaker 4:
[126:54] That's impossible.

Speaker 2:
[126:58] Yeah, he kind of spun cover your own. He was hugging your lower back. 69, just like his jersey number, which, as we noted earlier, was hilarious. It always is. All right, you some bitches. Well, you guys will be up late tonight watching those ball games. Randy, you're probably going to sound like garbage tomorrow morning.

Speaker 1:
[127:24] Oh, for sure.

Speaker 2:
[127:25] You're going to be up till 2 AM. Let's hope that pig goes into overtime. The pigs and the wolves. Multiple over times tonight. I won't, I mean, I'll make it. I don't know. I think I can, Josh, I think I can push her till about 1030, but then that's probably it.

Speaker 4:
[127:42] That's what I'll say.

Speaker 2:
[127:42] It sucks having these late games. We all know that. Thanks, Brad and Randy.

Speaker 4:
[127:47] You bet.

Speaker 3:
[127:47] The 93X Half-Assed Morning Show.

Speaker 2:
[127:50] Yeah, sure. Monday, huh? What a drag. But we're getting it done. I mean, you are too. It might not feel like it, but you are. You're getting her. Welcome back to the show. It's 830. How about a little heads up on something we're going to fold in half before the end of the program today. The last couple of weeks, 93X has been dangling a cool prize out there for everybody and all of us. We teamed up with A&L Sod again, trying to hook one listener up with a free full on yard glow up. They call it a glow up.

Speaker 4:
[128:31] I love this prize. What a cool thing to win.

Speaker 7:
[128:35] Yeah, something like this would be awesome.

Speaker 2:
[128:37] Couple of three years in a row now, we've teamed up with the folks at A&L Skis. So for the last two weeks, people have qualified. Before we get the hell out of here today at 9 AM, 8.59, 8.58, somewhere in that neighborhood. Josh is pushing for 8.55. He wants to be out of here. Before we leave, we're going to draw a winner, one winner.

Speaker 4:
[129:00] 8.52.

Speaker 2:
[129:03] They go this way, 2,000 square feet of fresh sod, a professional install, the works. And I'm with you guys. I really dig this prize. People submitted pictures of their broken-looking lawns. And our listeners voted on whose lawn was the most disgusting, dead-patch, weed-farm, awful dirt pile. And we're going to present the prize to one winner before 9 a.m. I'm jealous.

Speaker 7:
[129:37] Yeah, same here.

Speaker 3:
[129:39] When we first did this, I was still an apartment-living kind of guy. And I was kind of like, OK, well, grass, whatever, that's fine, I guess. But now I live in a house, this would be awesome.

Speaker 2:
[129:49] And I remember last year, year before, looking at some, for whatever reason, we weren't, we didn't get a chance to look at the pictures. I mean, it's not up to us. It's up to our listening audience. So that's fine. But we didn't get a chance to really look at any of the pictures ahead of time. I remember last year, year before, there were some people who were in desperate need of help.

Speaker 7:
[130:05] Like you couldn't even consider that a yard.

Speaker 3:
[130:08] It's just a dirt pile.

Speaker 2:
[130:10] A couple of blades of grass, you know. A lot of... In the past, there were a lot of children's toys everywhere, so their kids just destroyed the frigging yard.

Speaker 4:
[130:18] Oh, there's one in the most recent group of photos that had a sweet jump in the back of the yard.

Speaker 7:
[130:24] Oh, sick.

Speaker 2:
[130:25] Some of the past pictures, you had a dog taking a dump in the back of the yard. The dog had ruined it.

Speaker 7:
[130:30] So this is pretty cool.

Speaker 2:
[130:31] It is a great prize, and we're proud to have teamed up with A&L's side, and we'll get to this before 9. We'll get somebody this terrific prize.

Speaker 4:
[130:40] Yeah, it's fun.

Speaker 2:
[130:40] Your yard is going to be beautiful.

Speaker 4:
[130:42] If you go to our website and you can see the ones that were in the running, too. And it looks like there's a discount for 93X listeners at A&L side. So check that out if you want to get some grass for yourself. I love this kind of stuff.

Speaker 2:
[131:02] Yeah.

Speaker 4:
[131:02] It's going to be the nicest home in the neighborhood.

Speaker 2:
[131:08] All right. We will get to that. If you don't mind, let me share one of my favorite theories with you again. And there's no way you can talk me out of this one. My theory is that, does everyone remember the old rock and roll band, the Bon Jovis?

Speaker 7:
[131:25] Sure do. Yeah.

Speaker 4:
[131:26] First concert.

Speaker 2:
[131:27] My theory is, again, I am certain that John or Richie Bon Jovi, there was a David Bon Jovi, Tico Bon Jovi, and the bass player, God Rest His Soul, was Alec Bon Jovi. I am certain that they sold their soul to the devil. Because if you're around my age, you know that the first time, don't text me about friggin Runaway. The first couple of Bon Jovi records went nowhere. Nobody cared. It was awful. They looked awful. They sounded awful. It was garbage. And then suddenly, starting in 1986, they couldn't miss, right Josh? They were huge. They had the slippery, went well. And then they had the New Jersey. And then they had the this, that. They were massive, selling out. They became the biggest pop rock band ever. So, I'm convinced, because they went so quickly from garbage to a hit machine, they sold their soul to Satan himself.

Speaker 7:
[132:31] I can respect it.

Speaker 2:
[132:32] The reason I bring it up is apparently people have been talking. You know how they get, don't you Cubby?

Speaker 4:
[132:38] Oh, yeah. They'll get to Gavin.

Speaker 2:
[132:42] People have been talking about the things that they would sell their soul in return for things that people would sell. Of course, the easy answer is all the money in the world, right? Give me all the money, millions of dollars. I would sell my soul for all that money.

Speaker 7:
[133:04] That's a normal, I guess, how would you say it, like, saying, I suppose, that I throw out there all the time. Like, I'll see, I'll be scrolling on Facebook and see like a delicious plate of spaghetti. I'll turn to my husband and be like, dude, I would sell my soul to the devil for this right now.

Speaker 2:
[133:21] Also, maybe the source of this is it's become a popular online conversation?

Speaker 7:
[133:26] No, I think I'm just weird. I think I just say that often.

Speaker 2:
[133:29] Oh, you're maybe the only one. OK, I thought you were. Unlimited money, all the money in the world, that's the easy answer. The easy joke, of course, is two chicks at the same time. But let me tell you what people have been coming up with here, what they would sell their very soul for. A refrigerator that magically refills with your exact cravings.

Speaker 7:
[133:58] Oh, I like that. That always reminds me of Spy Kids.

Speaker 2:
[134:02] Never saw it!

Speaker 7:
[134:03] It would make sense why you have it. It would be kind of weird if you did, to be honest. It came out when I was younger, I believe.

Speaker 2:
[134:09] I'm going to watch Spy Kids today, just to make it weird.

Speaker 4:
[134:11] You might like it.

Speaker 2:
[134:12] Just to make the vibe...

Speaker 3:
[134:13] There's a whole franchise, you could plan your whole day around it.

Speaker 7:
[134:16] He would probably like those thumb people. But so it's this awesome microwave they have and you just like press in whatever you want and then zap, it appears. It's like the kid would get... he got like a McDonald's cheeseburger.

Speaker 4:
[134:28] I like that better when it was called Star Trek.

Speaker 7:
[134:30] Oh, really?

Speaker 3:
[134:32] I liked it better when it was Back to the Future and they could cook a pizza in two seconds.

Speaker 7:
[134:36] I liked it better when it was Spy Kids.

Speaker 3:
[134:39] Hey, it's okay. We all have our different tastes, Ashley.

Speaker 2:
[134:41] Josh, would you sell your soul in order to hit every green light until the day that you die?

Speaker 4:
[134:51] No, for me, it'd be like having an incredible talent, like being the world's greatest guitar player or wide receiver or something like that.

Speaker 2:
[134:59] Ooh, that's good.

Speaker 4:
[135:00] Or a combination of both.

Speaker 2:
[135:03] I don't think anyone's ever combined the two.

Speaker 4:
[135:05] No.

Speaker 3:
[135:05] Josh plays his own Super Bowl half-time show while he's playing the game.

Speaker 4:
[135:09] Exactly.

Speaker 2:
[135:10] Because the aforementioned Richie Bon Jovi of the Bon Jovi's, that some bitch couldn't play football, but he could play the hell out of a guitar.

Speaker 4:
[135:17] Definitely.

Speaker 2:
[135:17] Wow. I see where you're going with that. Incredibly skilled guitar player or incredibly skilled, you use the example of wide receiver.

Speaker 4:
[135:26] Or like a NASCAR driver or something really cool.

Speaker 2:
[135:31] I see where you're going because any of those talents equal two things, money and squish.

Speaker 4:
[135:37] Oh, yeah. I mean, I didn't even consider that. You're right.

Speaker 2:
[135:40] A private jet. So you never deal with airports again. These are things that people will sell their soul for.

Speaker 7:
[135:46] I don't really mind airports, but I've always I guess I'm one of those people like it's extremely early and I have never had a canceled flight. So I'm usually just big chillin. I like to get there nice and early so that I have time to have some drinks, some food.

Speaker 3:
[135:59] Oh, you're lucky. And I've had some absolute disasters over there for like 12 hours.

Speaker 4:
[136:03] What are the rules now on that we're getting on a plane in a week? Is it two hours ahead of time?

Speaker 3:
[136:08] That's what they say.

Speaker 7:
[136:09] Yeah, that's what I always heard.

Speaker 4:
[136:11] Word.

Speaker 3:
[136:13] Josh, you'll be there three hours early.

Speaker 4:
[136:15] I can't because it's early. It's right after the show.

Speaker 3:
[136:18] Oh, gotcha.

Speaker 2:
[136:19] Some folks would sell their soul for perfect sleep every single night.

Speaker 3:
[136:23] Oh, that would greatly benefit my life.

Speaker 4:
[136:26] I can understand that. Yeah. It would be cool to never need to sleep. Maybe I'd sell my soul for something like that or never need to.

Speaker 2:
[136:33] Yes.

Speaker 4:
[136:34] You know, whatever.

Speaker 2:
[136:35] What about, I mean, this, I have to admit, this list is kind of silly. Some of them. No one said anything about being able to fly. Oh, no, here's one. No, no, sorry. No one said anything about being able to fly. No one said anything about being invisible. Whatever happened to those token answers to this kind of thing?

Speaker 4:
[136:53] Yeah, those are better than what we've heard so far.

Speaker 2:
[136:56] What the hell's the matter with some of you? You're thinking too small here. You're thinking way too small. Sleep, airports, green lights.

Speaker 3:
[137:03] I remember as a kid thinking X-ray vision would be pretty cool.

Speaker 2:
[137:06] X-ray vision, sure.

Speaker 4:
[137:07] Yeah, every kid wanted X-ray vision.

Speaker 2:
[137:08] Uh-huh. Listen to this one.

Speaker 3:
[137:14] I just want to see some boobs, Josh.

Speaker 2:
[137:16] There are people out there who would sell their soul for a phone that never dies and always has a signal, for free food for life from your favorite restaurant, for being beautiful, 24-7. You look beautiful.

Speaker 7:
[137:36] That's a good one, yeah.

Speaker 3:
[137:38] Don't got to put any effort in.

Speaker 2:
[137:39] All right, here's one. Here's one. Okay, teleportation. Papa, I'm in Biafra. Papa, I'm in New York City. Papa, I'm at Cubby's front door.

Speaker 4:
[137:49] Yeah, teleportation, time travel.

Speaker 2:
[137:51] Dude, I want some of that time travel.

Speaker 4:
[137:54] Me too.

Speaker 2:
[137:57] You used to tell me that you were in the process of building a time machine.

Speaker 4:
[138:00] I've given up.

Speaker 3:
[138:03] Do you need a spare flux capacitor? Because I got one.

Speaker 4:
[138:05] Do you have one?

Speaker 3:
[138:06] Yeah.

Speaker 4:
[138:06] I'll take it.

Speaker 3:
[138:07] Deal.

Speaker 4:
[138:08] You can buy those at, is it O'Reilly's?

Speaker 3:
[138:10] Yeah, somewhere like that. Yeah, I've seen them online, too.

Speaker 4:
[138:12] It's like an online kind of Easter egg thing. That's hilarious.

Speaker 2:
[138:15] Here's something that sounds like you, Josh. Instant mastery of any skill that you try.

Speaker 7:
[138:22] Oh, that would be so sweet.

Speaker 4:
[138:24] That would be cool.

Speaker 2:
[138:24] You can build a house. You can fix that car.

Speaker 4:
[138:27] You can weld something for it.

Speaker 7:
[138:30] That can benefit the heck out of you.

Speaker 4:
[138:34] Oh, wow.

Speaker 2:
[138:37] Getting lucky every single time it matters.

Speaker 7:
[138:41] Then you're rich.

Speaker 2:
[138:44] I'm trying to figure that one out. Every single time it matters. Is this someone who's having trouble with their erection?

Speaker 7:
[138:53] I was thinking, you know, like the obvious things like scratch offs, power ball, but I was also thinking...

Speaker 2:
[139:00] Oh, I was thinking sex.

Speaker 3:
[139:01] Yeah, me too.

Speaker 7:
[139:02] Oh, really?

Speaker 4:
[139:02] When you say get lucky, that's usually the first time I think of it.

Speaker 7:
[139:05] That is so funny.

Speaker 2:
[139:06] That's where I went wrong.

Speaker 4:
[139:07] I can see why you think that.

Speaker 2:
[139:08] I thought they were using the old stupid slang term for having sex, getting lucky, but now I know what they mean. Now I know what they mean. So you win every bet. What examples were you using?

Speaker 7:
[139:22] Yeah, like the powerball, scratch offs.

Speaker 2:
[139:24] Oh, God. Yes.

Speaker 7:
[139:26] I was also thinking like just getting lucky out in the world, like, oh, that could have just killed me, but it didn't.

Speaker 3:
[139:31] Always catching a break.

Speaker 4:
[139:33] Wolfpack softball.

Speaker 2:
[139:34] Could have killed you.

Speaker 4:
[139:35] Yeah, there's a lot of stuff like making the green lights. I mean, all those people didn't realize what they could have had, had they just thought of that one.

Speaker 2:
[139:42] Right. Now I understand.

Speaker 4:
[139:43] Wolfpack softball. Jesus said his real answer would be to sell his soul to the devil to cure cancer, but his radio answer, a giant crank. That came to mind for me, too.

Speaker 2:
[139:54] Crank. Yeah, OK. But let's go back to what I assumed there for a minute. I thought we were talking about having sex. So maybe to put that spin on it, you are absolutely the most desirable human being that has ever lived. Everyone who lays eyes on you wants you bad.

Speaker 4:
[140:16] I'd imagine that would kind of get annoying after a while, does it, Nick?

Speaker 7:
[140:21] Knocking that off.

Speaker 4:
[140:23] Spanky Jesus wants the ability to point at anyone and they have instant diarrhea.

Speaker 7:
[140:28] That's bogus.

Speaker 4:
[140:31] What a cool talent.

Speaker 7:
[140:32] That's so bogus.

Speaker 2:
[140:33] I give you the squirts.

Speaker 4:
[140:35] I want a movie that's made with talents like that. Like the boys, but less violent and just more poop.

Speaker 2:
[140:43] Boom!

Speaker 4:
[140:43] Diarrhea. That's hilarious.

Speaker 2:
[140:46] You hope that nobody that you care for gets into your line of fire. You know what I mean? Oh, yeah.

Speaker 4:
[140:50] I didn't even consider that.

Speaker 2:
[140:51] I'm trying to shoot the diarrhea spell at Ashley and Josh cuts in front of my fire. And it's instant and it's terrible.

Speaker 4:
[140:59] I'd take a diarrhea bomb for you, Ashley.

Speaker 7:
[141:01] Oh, thank you. I appreciate that. I would expect you to.

Speaker 3:
[141:03] Even just what you went through this weekend. You're a good man, Josh.

Speaker 4:
[141:06] I've got some experience.

Speaker 2:
[141:08] Yeah. Some of these answers for what you'd sell your soul for. Again, today's society is thinking way too small. As I'm looking at text messages, I'm seeing people throw in grander answers. Mind control over.

Speaker 7:
[141:26] Oh, yes.

Speaker 2:
[141:27] Mind control, magical powers.

Speaker 4:
[141:31] This person wants sexy garbage man Jesus. He'd like to win just one argument with his wife. Just one, he'd sell his soul for it. Oh, mind control would be something.

Speaker 2:
[141:45] Dude.

Speaker 4:
[141:47] I'm trying to think what's the first thing I'd do. If I could control someone else's mind.

Speaker 2:
[141:52] I think you'd come in here.

Speaker 7:
[141:54] You had to test it.

Speaker 2:
[141:55] You'd mind def the boss into paying you $20 million a day.

Speaker 4:
[141:59] I suppose we're in a contract here.

Speaker 2:
[142:01] Mind def the boss. You'd probably mind def somebody in the house over there at your house. Maybe mind def the wife into whatever it is that...

Speaker 4:
[142:11] I'd like her to put away some of her shoes.

Speaker 7:
[142:14] Oh. If possible.

Speaker 4:
[142:15] There's way too many shoes and a very small entrance to our home.

Speaker 2:
[142:20] Well, you'd probably mind def your wife into letting 20, 30 extra women join the two of yous in bed.

Speaker 7:
[142:28] Josh couldn't handle that.

Speaker 2:
[142:28] Give us the right answer now. Don't look at me like that. Don't look at me like, oh, I'm going to get in trouble. I love her so much.

Speaker 4:
[142:35] Well, it's not that. It's just I don't, I don't. What do I need?

Speaker 2:
[142:38] Oh, will you stop it?

Speaker 4:
[142:39] 30. I want 40, 50 women in bed.

Speaker 7:
[142:42] That sounds more like it.

Speaker 2:
[142:47] Just always being able to make the right decisions, says one of our listeners.

Speaker 4:
[142:52] Yeah, that's a good one.

Speaker 2:
[142:54] Get me all of my teeth back is another answer. Well, what the hell happened to the ones you had?

Speaker 4:
[143:02] Give them back.

Speaker 2:
[143:03] What happened to you? Where did they go?

Speaker 4:
[143:05] Ford Nut Jesus just doesn't want to worry anymore. Bills, work, etc.

Speaker 3:
[143:10] That would be a good feeling.

Speaker 7:
[143:10] Yep.

Speaker 2:
[143:12] Well, don't ever try to talk me out of that Bon Jovi deal. I know what really happened behind the scenes there.

Speaker 3:
[143:23] You ever listen to their first two records?

Speaker 2:
[143:25] It's terrible!

Speaker 4:
[143:25] Runaway, Decent Song.

Speaker 2:
[143:27] Oh, God.

Speaker 4:
[143:29] Outside of the diarrhea one, nobody really used it for evil. I mean, mind control doesn't necessarily have to be evil. Am I missing one? I'm going through text here, I guess.

Speaker 2:
[143:40] Yeah. Yeah, we already, someone's texting in, teleportation, we already mentioned teleportation. You're right. No one has texted in to say, to instantly kill all of my enemies with the snap of a finger.

Speaker 4:
[143:50] Yeah. I mean, there's like, what's, talking about curing diseases and stuff. You're good people out there. You're giving off a pretty positive vibe overall.

Speaker 2:
[143:59] Oh, no, here's someone who says he's going to kill everybody. Again, before we go, we're going to give away this wonderful prize from A&L SAD. We'll tell you all about it again when we come back here on the program. Yeah, we're just minutes away from putting it in to this year Monday. Broadcast, we had a little conversation going earlier. Different things that people would sell their soul for. All the money in the world, two chicks at the same time, invisibility. What would you sell your soul for? What would you want in return? Here are some other answers that were texted in to our Luther Bloomington Kia text line. I don't know if we covered this one, because we covered damn near everything. Telekinesis. You can communicate without speaking with, let's say, Josh and I were telekinetic. We could. That's a good one.

Speaker 3:
[145:05] Bart Simpson sold his soul to Milhoes for $5, and then Milhoes then traded to the comic bookstore guy for some elf pogs.

Speaker 4:
[145:13] What's an elf pog?

Speaker 3:
[145:15] Like pogs, you know, with elf on them.

Speaker 4:
[145:17] Oh, yeah, yeah. Got you, got you.

Speaker 2:
[145:18] Fair enough. Here's a listener who would sell his soul for a thick blonde who can cook. But Josh mentioned earlier, we haven't had a lot of techs come in who want to use this for evil. You know, I want to sell my soul in trade for the ability to kill or something awful. A lot of folks have said some really, here's a listener who would save his soul to save all the suffering animals.

Speaker 4:
[145:45] That's awesome.

Speaker 7:
[145:46] That's beautiful.

Speaker 3:
[145:47] Having the force from Star Wars would be kind of cool.

Speaker 4:
[145:50] Yeah, I would be interested in that. As a kid, I tried to develop that.

Speaker 3:
[145:53] Yeah, it didn't work, did it?

Speaker 7:
[145:53] I would just be choking people.

Speaker 4:
[145:56] Is this evil? I mean, you could use it both ways, I guess, from I'll Try Anything Four Times Jesus. He wants the power to give anyone an orgasm just by looking at him. Grandma's funeral isn't going to be sad anymore. So it sounds like he wants to use it for good, but you could use that for evil in an inappropriate time.

Speaker 2:
[146:16] Immortality has come up. Some of our listeners would sell their soul for immortality, like Ronnie James Dio. To have the magic touch, everything you touch is fixed. Oh, you got a tumor?

Speaker 4:
[146:30] Oh, that would be awesome.

Speaker 2:
[146:31] I touch you.

Speaker 7:
[146:32] That would be overwhelming though.

Speaker 2:
[146:33] You got an old dodge or something that won't run? I touch.

Speaker 7:
[146:37] That's what you would be doing all day.

Speaker 3:
[146:39] Kind of like Mr. Miyagi.

Speaker 4:
[146:41] Yeah, he had that talent. Problem solver Jesus said, how about the ability to mute people, like the wife, the boss? He'd call it mime control.

Speaker 2:
[146:51] Mime control. How about this? I control all car accidents.

Speaker 4:
[146:59] All right, there's an evil one.

Speaker 2:
[147:01] You see a van going down the road, you don't like the looks of it, papa! You send it into a tree. I control all car accidents. He'd sell his soul and trade for that.

Speaker 7:
[147:10] That's insane.

Speaker 2:
[147:11] To always have a clean pinch.

Speaker 3:
[147:14] Oh.

Speaker 7:
[147:15] It's that much of a problem?

Speaker 3:
[147:17] You might need to look inward if that's the first thing you come to.

Speaker 2:
[147:21] To grow my fingernails really long.

Speaker 4:
[147:28] There's nothing after that?

Speaker 2:
[147:30] I think that's a reference to a television show. Here's someone who wants to use the selling of their soul for evil. They want to do it to me, Cubby. They want to make me fully aware of every empty net goal that's happened in the history of the National Hockey League.

Speaker 7:
[147:50] That's all that replays in your head constantly?

Speaker 2:
[147:52] That's all I have in my head constantly is over and over again, empty net.

Speaker 4:
[147:56] You go nuts.

Speaker 3:
[147:57] Any time you look at a TV, no matter what's actually on it, you see an Adam Sandler movie playing. So you try to put on a ball game, Adam Sandler. You try to watch Slapshot, Adam Sandler.

Speaker 2:
[148:08] I like that Magic Touch idea, which by the way is a great kiss song off their 1979 record, Dynasty. I know Josh is dying to play it before we leave. It's called Magic Touch. I'm kidding, you don't have to. Let's go ahead and make one listener very, very happy. Before we go, we got to get this done. Again, for the last couple of weeks, we've been qualifying people to get a full on yard glow up, is how they call it, from a joint called A&L Sod. For the past couple of weeks, people have been sending in pictures of their broken, busted, awful yard in hopes of winning what I have here in front of me, 2,000 square feet of fresh sod, a professional install.

Speaker 4:
[148:55] So cool.

Speaker 2:
[148:55] Beautiful. Five finalists were selected. Of course, they submitted their pictures of their gross looking lawns. Our listeners voted on the worst, the most deserved, dead patchy dry lawn. Our grand prize winner, and hopefully she's tuned in, is a gal named Kayla from Blaine. Kayla Alexander from Blaine. Broken yard? Yeah, sounds like Blaine.

Speaker 3:
[149:28] I was going to say that does kind of make sense.

Speaker 2:
[149:30] Congratulations.

Speaker 4:
[149:31] Not only will she have the nicest lawn in Blaine, she'll have the only lawn in Blaine.

Speaker 2:
[149:37] Congratulations to Kayla.

Speaker 4:
[149:39] She's the one that's got the sweet jump in the backyard.

Speaker 3:
[149:41] Oh, even better.

Speaker 7:
[149:42] I hope she doesn't get rid of the jump.

Speaker 2:
[149:45] You're able to see pictures?

Speaker 4:
[149:46] Yeah.

Speaker 2:
[149:46] What kind of a, like her kids made a bicycle jump?

Speaker 4:
[149:49] It looks that way, yeah.

Speaker 2:
[149:50] And it's just dirt?

Speaker 4:
[149:51] It's got to be. You're not going to get a skateboard over that, for sure.

Speaker 2:
[149:56] Now, from what I'm reading here, Scott and Blake are two characters who run A&L SOD. And they've reached out, and they would like to, of course, hook Kayla up. She's the grand prize winner. But they'd also like to maybe hook up the others who submitted the final five. They'd like to do something nice for the other four as well.

Speaker 4:
[150:22] Oh, that's great.

Speaker 2:
[150:24] What I have here, maybe 50% off any SOD they order before summer begins. That's awesome. So Jeff P of Eden Prairie, Todd N of North St. Paul, Ben N of Richfield, Michaela A of Burnsville. They want to recognize you folks as well.

Speaker 7:
[150:44] Everybody comes out a winner.

Speaker 2:
[150:45] Yeah. Thank you to A&L SOD for teaming up with this again. You've already heard us say more than once how much we enjoy this this bit.

Speaker 4:
[150:53] Yeah, that's an awesome prize. And we mentioned it earlier, if you go to 93x.com, you can find a code to get yourself a discount from A&L SOD. 93X is the code. Give them a call.

Speaker 2:
[151:03] You're rubbing your forehead again. Are you nervous about something?

Speaker 4:
[151:05] No, it's itchy.

Speaker 2:
[151:06] Oh, no, no.

Speaker 4:
[151:07] It's the imites.

Speaker 7:
[151:09] Oh, God.

Speaker 2:
[151:10] What were you saying? Give them a call over there.

Speaker 4:
[151:11] Give them a call or check out 93x.com if you want a discount.