transcript

Speaker 1:
[00:00] Getting stuff for free was one of my favorite dopamine hit highs, I guess. I don't know what else to call it, but I not only love getting hand-me-downs from people or anytime anyone was getting rid of anything and offered it to me, it was an immediate yes, but I would drive around on garbage night, and there was multiple different garbage nights for affluent neighborhoods and dumpster dive, grab furniture off the side of the road and tell myself I was gonna fix it up. I would go to yard sales every Saturday morning, especially at the end of the day when they were done selling stuff. Oftentimes, it was all just free, and I took everything. A huge contributor to my clutter was the thrill of the hunt, whether it was getting something for free, getting something for a good deal, or just getting something at all. There are three ways that clutter comes into your home. I call them the ABCs of clutter. The first is the A, which is acquiring. This really means acquiring things for free. Those little samples, the freebies, the hand-me-downs, the dumpster dives on the side of the road. Anytime you're like, it's free, yes, I'll take it, you're acquiring new stuff, which usually leads to clutter. The second is B, for buying. We all need to buy things, but in this instance, I'm really talking about when we buy for the feel-good feels, like we're sad, or we had a bad day, or we want to treat ourselves because we had a good day, or we just want that little dopamine rush that comes with something new and shiny, so we're buying to get it. And the last is C, and this is consenting to allowing people to store things in your home. And this can actually feel good sometimes too. It feels like you're being really helpful, whether it's your grown kids who want to store things in your garage, or even your mom has passed and instead of just getting rid of everything, you're consenting for it to come in to your home and you're going to go through it later. In this moment, it feels good for a second. All of them do, but the result is a home that you hate and a life that feels overcrowded and overwhelming, and you feel exhausted. I will be the first to admit that getting something new feels amazing sometimes. Whether it's free or you buy it, I think it's definitely the thrill of the hunt or the deal, the money-saving, that feels really good for some people, maybe for everyone. But there's also that promise of what the thing will do for your life. Yes, I'm going to do XYZ with it, or this is going to make my butt look so good, or this is going to make my skin look so much smoother, like we feel this genuine excitement for possibilities when we buy things. And also the feel good of like, I'm a good person that comes with consenting. All of that in the moment feels amazing, but it's fleeting, it's fast, and then the end result is now crushing clutter. In today's podcast, I want to talk about what comes right before we get something new. So, the emotions that we feel, you know, those triggers that make us want to go dumpster diving or go shopping. Let's really talk about those because that's how we can stop the overconsumption, is getting to the root of why we're doing it in the first place. Just like always, you are not allowed, like you're not allowed to just sit and listen or watch. Unless you're driving, please continue driving. But if you're at home, let's do something together that's going to make you feel like you've accomplished something amazing today. I want you to feel proud of yourself, but most importantly, I want your house to be a little bit easier. I want you to have less friction. A perfect thing to focus on today is duplicates. I love duplicates and decluttering them because it does not negatively impact your life in any way. Maybe you have 25 bath towels, getting rid of 10 and now only having 15 bath towels will not change your life at all. You'll still be able to shower or have a bath and dry yourself off. The only thing that is a result of that is you're going to have a little bit more room in your bathroom or your linen closet. The same goes for your mugs. You're still going to be able to enjoy coffee. You just have a little extra space. Think of all the things that you have duplicates of, everything from your underwear all the way to your potato mashers. Please, for the love of Peter, only have one potato masher. But the point is, this is something we can focus on, is decluttering those duplicates, even reducing the number by a little bit. You're going to make a big impact on your home, but it's not going to feel stressful and you're not going to have any regret. Some of the most common triggers that make us want to acquire or buy or even consent, are we're just feeling really stressed. We're just like, I just need to detox my brain. I'm feeling super overwhelmed or we're feeling sad. We're feeling unloved. I know for myself, my love language is gifts. So when I'm feeling maybe a little unloved, my first instinct is to buy myself something, to cheer myself up. It could be that we're just bored. I mean, sometimes life is super boring and buying stuff is fun, even acquiring stuff kind of fun too. There are so many different reasons why we get this like, I got to go and I got to get something new, but it's what comes after that really sucks. I read this study actually about the home shopping network. Remember that was like a big thing years ago. They studied people who compulsively bought from the home shopping network and something that they all had in common was loneliness. Did you know like being lonely is actually one of the number one contributors to overspending? It's crazy. So whether you're feeling overwhelmed or sad or bored or lonely, it's that that knocks you into the next cycle of this, which is the hunt, the deal, searching, the scrolling, the going out with a flashlight in the middle of the night to all of your neighbors to see if they're throwing out something good. This hunt part, like the scrolling, the researching, the finding, that is actually the part that makes us the happiest, that gives us the most dopamine. And I know this because there are times I look outside and there's an Amazon package at my door and I have no idea what it is. Did I order it yesterday? Yes. Did I forget? Absolutely. So it's like Christmas morning, right? And I open up the package and never ever have I been like, woo, excited. I mean, I get a little bit of, oh, this feels nice to have something new, but the actual thrilling, the actual part that's making me feel better or less overwhelmed or distracted or less lonely is the part that comes before the getting. It's the searching and the hunting and the scrolling. Let's talk about the two different levels of dopamine we get. We have this anticipation dopamine, these chemical reaction that happens in our brain when we are anticipating getting something new and we're looking for it, we're thinking about it when we're actually at the store or the thrift store and we're hunting for something. That is a totally different chemical feel good reaction than possession dopamine. So the happiness, the high, the chemicals we get from owning something. And you'll see this a lot with collectors. It's, they have this beautiful collection that they've collected for years and years and they're looking at it and yeah, it feels good, but finding a new piece for the collection is where the real addictive hit comes from. I'm not a scientist, but I'm pretty sure that the chemical dopamine that our brain makes is for survival for this reason. It trains our brain to want to like go after things, whether we want to go collect berries to eat or like chase down a gazelle so we can eat or like search out shelter or fire. It's, it's training us. It's a reward system that rewards that hunting, that like the anticipation, the finding, the searching part. And we still get dopamine a little bit, I guess, from like owning stuff and looking at our things, but not to the same degree. That is more like to maintain it, to make sure everything's, you know, running smoothly. It's not the same feel good hit at all. So questions like, is this the thing that's going to change my life? Is this a great deal? Am I saving money? Is this a limited edition? It's going to be gone. Those are all the type of questions that, that's part of like the spike that we get, that hit from dopamine that keeps us going out and keeps us acquiring. It's kind of like slot machines a little bit. I don't know if you've ever been to the casino. I will admit, I have to restrict myself. I have an addictive personality, obviously. That goes without saying. So when I am in a casino, I like, I choose the penny slots, right? Cause I'm like, I'm gonna not spend too much. I'm gonna have a deal. And the whole time, I know I'm walking away with nothing, but it's the anticipation that maybe, maybe I'm gonna hit, I'm gonna get a little something. And we're just chasing dopamine. Any addiction I feel like is this chase of this feeling. And when we actually catch it, it doesn't, it just doesn't give us the same reaction. It's why it's so easy to go out and buy a bunch of organizing products, right? All these things that are gonna like make our house. Ooh, we get to find the deal and find these colored file folders. But it's a lot harder to actually organize. It's also a lot easier to shop for craft supplies and imagine all the cool stuff we're gonna make than it is to actually get in and make a craft. And even when we think about consent, like consenting to other people's stuff coming into our house, it does feel a little good. We get to like, yeah, we're helping someone, but we're also consenting to keeping all our stuff. Why? Because the act of going through it and sorting and deciding what stays and goes, that doesn't give us the same hit. We're choosing easy over hard. What we're really chasing is instant gratification, right? This is it. It's all about instant gratification. And look at the world we live in with like TikTok. I can barely sit through a two-hour movie anymore. I am so bored. I want to like, it's like, give it to me now, give now, now, now. We're all struggling with this, but I do think there's a way we can hack our brain. Overconsumption just sucks. It really does. It's so hard and I've been doing this for so long and talking about decluttering and having less and I am in it, okay, in it to win it. And yet I still want to buy and acquire, like I have to have, like an addict, have real boundaries and rules around my life to stop me from completely filling my home. And even then I'm still buying more than I should. So why, like, why am I doing this? I know that it's because it's instant gratification. I know that it's because it's too easy. And society makes it easy. I mean, literally, when we're on our phones, which is always in our face, always in our pocket, every third thing we're looking at is an ad promising us. The people who run casinos and they're like, they pump the oxygen in, they have all the sounds and the buzz, they know that this gets you filled with dopamine and the chemicals and keeps you in there longer. Guess what? Advertisers know how to do the exact same thing. They get you to stay on the platform, they get you to buy, they get you to feel that rush. Costco is so bad for this. Every end cap when you go to Costco has a product that will only be there for a very short amount of time. And when it's gone, it's gone. And they do this on purpose. They get a limited supply of like weird ass crap. So when you're going there to get milk and potatoes or whatever, who would get milk and potatoes? Not the point. And you see these like, you know, it becomes like next week we should go to Costco because who knows what they're going to have. We better go and see so we can get, like it becomes this addiction. And I see people walking out of Costco with their carts. It's the biggest cart I've ever seen in my mother fricking life, okay? And the cart is overflowing and half of it isn't even food. It's that end cap bull crappy that we've been convinced to buy and it's on Amazon. It's, who even goes on Facebook, but if you do, it's trying to trick you into buying stuff everywhere. So like, yeah, we're weak and that's okay. That's part of being human. But there are also little things we can do to fight back. This is something that I struggle with. This is probably one of my biggest struggles. Get myself to work out, that's a big struggle and also getting myself to stop over consuming. I just, I fall for it hook line and sinker again and again. And what's gross is I feel like the odds are stacked against me. Because it's to the point now and I'm not a conspiracy theorist or anything, but if I talk about something, the next time I go on my computer or my anywhere, it's like I'm getting ads for that. Are they listening? I think so. Is that crazy? Listen, I'm not going to get a tinfoil hat or anything, but I think it's sick how they prey on our natural biology, because this is survival biology that is built into us as human beings, this chemical reaction. We can't help this and they know that, and they're tricking us so that they can sell us things that we don't need just to make more money, and we don't have the extra money to be thrown around like this. It's awful, but this is the world we live in, so we can cry about it, or we can fight back. So here's how I hack. I'm going to start with the best hack, which I found that I know I have an addictive personality. So here's what I did. I took decluttering, and I hacked that into a dopamine hack by doing things for like a little bit of time, but finishing. What I mean by this is I'm going to find five things right now, and I'm going to fake celebrate that I got rid of those five things. And even faking that dopamine works. Okay, so I almost got addicted to decluttering because I started putting the correlation between things leaving and the feel-good chemicals, and I celebrated it. And listen, you could run on the treadmill for 10 minutes and just be kind of sweaty and not see results, but you can declutter something for 10 minutes and then stand back and be like, yes, look what I did. And then look at the bag or box that's going to be like, yes, I'm amazing. And it's that, yes, I'm amazing, that floods your brain. And now you start having that reward correlation between letting go and, and dopamine. So that's one way that I got the horde out. You know what I mean? Because that's step one, okay? Step one is let's get the crap out because every time we look at excess, it's signaling to our brain, that scarcity cycle of stuff equals safety, stuff equals like, you know what I mean? And when we can get the stuff out, that stops one of the many, many, many signals. The other thing that I do is I create friction in between the, the me and the buy. Because when it's too easy, I can't help myself. I can't, it's ridiculous. I had a real addiction to food. Now, if I had a pantry full of cookies, I would have no, I could not stop myself. Now, I might not be able to stop myself while I'm at the store by grabbing a candy bar. But if I didn't, if I only had the willpower for like a second and didn't buy it in the first place, I wouldn't have to have constant willpower at home every single day. And we can take that same approach to like everyday spending. Here's one small thing that I did that made a huge impact. I deleted my credit card from Amazon. So now when I want to buy something on Amazon, I can add it to the cart. But I have to like physically go find my freaking wallet, which is like never anywhere close to where I'm shopping, and then enter in the thing. And that slows down that dopamine rush. It takes me out of the thrill of the hunt, and it makes me have to do like the sustained boring stuff in order to complete the transaction. And I rarely do. So I still like load up my cart with a bunch of stuff, and then later when I go look, I'm always like, I actually don't want any of this stuff anymore. So that's one trick that I absolutely do. Another thing, especially in the beginning, when I was trying to save and try to stop spending, was I did the cash only. So I would leave my cards at home, and I would give myself a cash allowance that I had to go to the store with. And there's something about, I don't know if it's like the embarrassment of not having enough cash to pay for things, or it's just the reality that like, I have to kind of be doing math in my head while I'm out shopping. It creates friction in that thrill of the hunt, the chase activity. It's like putting, it's putting like little, ooh, speed bumps in my fun, funny, fun ride, which makes it less fun. I guess we're just going here in today's podcast. And maybe, I don't want to say everything's an ADHD thing, but if you have ADHD like I do, we have lower levels of dopamine. We need dopamine to live. So we're constantly seeking it. We're seeking excitement. I feel like there perhaps are two kinds of people in the world. There are hunters and there are farmers. And both are required for a functional society. There are people who need to be methodical and till the soil and plant the seeds and the little things. And then there are people that are like, look at it, it's a moose. And they chase it down and they rip it. It's thrown out with their teeth. And we need both of those people, except we live in a society that is formed around farmers. We live in a society that supports farmers and kind of the wilds over there are now stuck in a cubicle. It's like, you ever seen a meme with a cheetah sitting on an office chair in a little cubicle?

Speaker 2:
[19:39] I feel like that.

Speaker 1:
[19:41] And I know some of you feel like that too, like a caged animal because we're wild and we should be out there chasing something down. And we should be like fighting for our lives because we are animals and we are wild and yet here we are caged. So to get that, we are chasing down the deals. We are hunting on Amazon Prime. We are driving around at night like psychopaths picking through people's garbage because we can't be doing what we're meant to be doing, which is being wild. We just live in a world that does not have enough stimulation, real stimulation for our brain. We got fake stimulation for days, but it means that those boring, mundane tasks like decluttering, doing our dishes, putting away our laundry, it's not giving us enough. We have to have discipline and forced motivation to make ourselves do that, unless we can do a little dopamine hack, and we can actually make these things feel more exciting. We can make these things feel like that little rush that we're craving. We can turn on our reward center in our brain and have that correlation between the boring tasks and still the feel good chemicals. So here's a few things that I do to get the dopamine while doing the boring thing. My favorite, I'm just gonna say what I'm gonna say because here, I'm putting it all out in this podcast. I like listening to naughty romance novels while doing boring things. It's like, will they fall in love?

Speaker 2:
[21:31] Will she have this dude or this dude?

Speaker 1:
[21:34] Sometimes one's a bat and one's a dinosaur. I don't know, it's fantasy. It doesn't matter. The point is, I'm like so into the exciting thing that I'm listening to that my body's just doing the boring thing. A lot of people will also put on like hype music, you know? I don't know what your hype song is, but any... Mine is like stripper music. I don't know why it all comes down to this, probably because I'm a wild animal trapped in a farmer's life. The point is, when you can feel that pumped excitement and pair it with doing something, that is going to give you all the feels. It's gonna make you actually wanna do the thing. Or you could like call your mom and have a nice conversation. You could listen to something cool like Whitney. You do you, boo. But the point is, whatever you get a little hit from, pair it with the boring thing. But maybe that isn't what you're craving, right? Maybe you're not like, give me all the hit of dopamine. Maybe you are wanting to feel loved. Maybe you're lonely. Maybe you're feeling like a different type of a void in your life. And I think that this is what's so important. So we can make up for that in a different way. If you are feeling lonely and that's the reason you're going to shop as for comfort, or you're feeling sad, or you're feeling bored, what can you do? What can you pair it with? Or even what can you add to your life that will fulfill you in that way? Here, I'm going to give you an example. Joe and I every other Friday have been volunteering at a soup kitchen. And what I think is so beautiful is the people coming into the soup kitchen, we're like, they're serving them soup and we're serving them coffee and we're the waiters and waitresses. But we also will bring blankets and old clothes and socks and gloves and things. And we lay it all out in this table. And then we get to see our sharing and who it's going to and see, like, the joy that it's bringing. And it does something to my brain, you guys, because I feel I love socializing with them. I like I just I feel like I'm getting a connection, but I also am now pairing that with decluttering. So now when I'm in my closet, literally today, I'm packing for a trip and I was going through some of my clothes and I was like, I can't wait to bring this to the soup kitchen. Like I found this sweater and I was like, I can't wait to bring this to the soup kitchen. And that I think I'm training using dopamine in my reward system to see decluttering is like even more positive than it was before. So could you invite a friend over and declutter with them together? Could you even body double? We have so many incredible groups on Facebook. You can join the Organizing Advice for ClutterBug's group, where people have Zoom meetings always going, where you can join other people from all over the world who are decluttering together so that it doesn't feel lonely. So you can take action on your home and your life while also fulfilling that need and making yourself feel connected and loved. If it's comfort that you're really looking for, what can you do to make yourself feel more comfy right now? Maybe you can light some candles and have a warm bath. Maybe you can put on a face mask, do some self-care instead of going and buying something. Do not go to Amazon and buy a new face mask. Look up a recipe on how to make one out of things that you have. The point is, maybe you are looking for companionship. Can you call an old friend? Can you make time to book a coffee date on a regular date with your sister that you haven't talked to long enough? Can you call your mother? We should all call our mothers. If you're feeling a lack of control, if you're just feeling so overwhelmed and life isn't going the way you want, instead of impulsively going and buying something to soothe that, what can you take control of? Can you clear off one part of a counter? Can you organize a junk drawer? Can you put your clothing in color coordination in your closet? This is actually super effective. It soothes that part of us, that anxiety inside of us, without us having to spend money or contribute to the clutter. If it's the something new that you're craving, have you gone to the library recently? Seriously, your library is amazing. It has puzzles you can take out and books and DVDs, so many things that again, you don't have to buy but it feels like new. I have this thing where I like change, like compulsively like change. I would move every month if I could. So what I do is I like to sometimes just shop my house. I'll pick one small corner and I'll say, how can I make this look different? And I'll run around and grab little plants or a little knickknack from here and there, and I'll just swap things around for the sake of change. And without spending anything, that's part of the game. I'm not allowed to buy anything new. I can make a space feel very, very different and still get that same dopamine hit. So together, let's do a challenge. I want to do a seven-day stuff hangover detox with you. Like together, we will body double. We will have a seven-day detox right now. And on day one, this is going to be really easy. This is just to identify what your trigger emotion really is. Like what for you is causing you to go seek out the hunt and to want to go and either acquire or buy or even consent to things coming into your home. And for me, I know it's all about excitement. I'm looking for a rush. That's my kryptonite, man. It's I want that thrill in my life that I don't get with the day-to-day stuff. Day two, I want you to unsubscribe or unfollow something that triggers you to buy. You can actually go in your phone and you can look up like in your mail app, you can click on subscriptions, which is a relatively new thing. And then all that spammy stuff that gets sent to you will come up and you can just like unfollow, unfollow, unfollow. Listen, Google how to do it. It's pretty cool. But there are triggers in your life, whether it's that influencer you're following that's convincing you to buy the stuff from Amazon, or it's those pop-ups on Facebook or in your email. And can you take some time on day two to just unfollow and unsubscribe? Day three, I would love it if you focused on finding one box or one bag of items that were free to you. Like you didn't intentionally go out and look for them. Someone gave it to you as a gift, or someone offered it to you. Someone didn't want to drop it off at the donation center and feel the guilt of wastefulness, so they just stuck you with it. This happens all the time. That church group was like, you want all these boxes of clothes? No, Susan, I do not want your old clothes that you just feel guilty taking to Goodwill.

Speaker 2:
[29:02] But you say yes.

Speaker 1:
[29:04] I want you on day three to find one box of these things. And if you aren't a person who collects hand-me-downs and things, gifts count. Maybe someone, maybe it was even your kids or your spouse, gave you some heart-shaped jewelry. Ain't nobody want heart-shaped jewelry, okay? That counts. Also, quick note, you do not have to ever feel guilty about dropping your donations off at like a thrift store like Goodwill or any other place. I, especially when I was at my brokest, was so grateful to shop there and find beautiful things at a good deal. You are helping your community when you donate to a thrift store. Day four, I want you to set one container limit. This is what I mean. Think about something you have excess of. Maybe it's coffee mugs or maybe it's kids' choice. Pick a container for it to go. One shelf, one cabinet, one bin, and we can only keep what fits in that container. Give yourself a limit on one category of thing that you tend to over accumulate. If it's clothing, you have one closet, and the hangers you have are the hangers you have. If you've got stuff that doesn't fit, it has to go. That is your container. That is your limit. And we're not doing this to your entire home. You're picking one small area to give yourself a container limit on day four. Day five is earned dopamine challenge. I want you to pick one space. It can be your kitchen counter. It can be your coffee table. It can be your dining room table. It can be the top of your dresser. And I want you to clear it. I want you to make it empty and then take a picture, like an after picture. Better yet, take a before picture first and then take the after picture and just allow yourself to ah at the difference. I call this sometimes the power of pretty because when we take time to complete something and make it better, that gives us a dopamine hit. And the best thing we have to do is make sure we complete the cycle. So if we start clearing a space, even if we work 10 hours on it and it isn't done, we don't get the dopamine hit. Did you know this? Like we have to be done. It doesn't have to be done well, but it has to be done in order to get that chemical hit. So pick something small enough that you know you can do in 15 minutes, 20 minutes. Take the before picture, clear it and take the after picture. Then just celebrate in all your happy chemical juices. Day 6 is a no-buy day. Now for some of you, this might be super easy, but for some of us, this also might be very hard. No buying anything. No going out to the store, you're out of milk. Oh well, you don't have milk today. Like no buying. You're making dinner, you're like, oh, it'd be really nice to have carrots. We have it without carrots today. Like we are not buying anything at all for one day. One day is easy, okay? I do seven day, no spend challenges all the time. Seven days is hard. One day, you could do anything for one day. So the thing you're doing on day six is buying nothing. Day seven, we're calling urge surfing. This is where we feel an urge to buy something, to scroll, to research, to go out and hunt for things. And instead of doing it, we just feel the urge. We just ride it and we just don't allow ourselves to indulge and see how it feels. And bonus points, if you then, while riding that, do something positive like decluttering a space or taking that urge and going and volunteering, even going and having coffee with a friend, like ride it, feel it and see how it feels to not actually give in. I hope you're feeling really inspired after this podcast today. I hope you've learned something. But most importantly, I hope you understand that whatever it is that you're craving doesn't have to come in a bag. We can get the excitement, the comfort, the companionship, the feeling of love without going to a store, without hunting for it and trying to get it out of a physical object. Because we know that actually possessing that object does not feed it. We need to find another way to fill that void. The best and fastest way to get there is identify what that void is in the first place. That's something I hope you figured out in today's podcast. If you didn't, if you still don't know where your urge comes from for needing to over-consume, my therapist would say, grab a notebook and just start writing. Just start brain-dumping, just start writing out your feelings like, why do I? Keep this notebook out. The next time you are like, I want to buy something, is it because of the promise of what that will bring? Is it that you're not feeling, you're feeling insecure and you're looking to feel better about yourself? Is it that you're, you are feeling lonely? Like I haven't talked to anybody in days. It's probably loneliness causing me to do this. Is it boredom? Is it that you just want a change and you want some excitement? Like find your root, my friend, so we can not rip it out and throw it in the trash, but we can nurture that plant in other ways, so that it continues to grow without us having to spend our money and give up our space to make ourselves feel better. Last week on my Clutterbug main YouTube channel, I did a video about thrifting because I definitely struggle with thrift store addiction, but I have found a way to still get that thrill of the hunt, but with rules and boundaries, so that it doesn't add to clutter, so that I'm not buying things unnecessarily. I'm actually saving money, like I'm thrifting right because I stick to my three-step system. So go and check out that video if you're like me and you have a little slight addiction to yard-sailing or thrift store shopping, I know that video will help. I have to take a second to thank today's podcast sponsor, Caraway. I switched to Caraway Cookware years ago and I'm so happy I did. I had a bunch of Teflon pans that were all scratched and then I read that all of those scratches release thousands and thousands of microplastics into my food. I'm not a really overly health conscientious person, but that's a big fat no for me. So I switched to Caraway and I love them. They're so easy to clean. They're beautiful. They're heavy duty. I can fry and then put that pan right in the oven and cook. I feel like a real for real grown up, but the best part is it's all non-toxic cookware. Right now, you can go to carawayhome.com and use the code Clutterbug10 to save 10 percent off. This is exclusive for my listeners only. So again, go to carawayhome.com and use the code Clutterbug10 to save 10 percent off. Now it's time for my favorite part of the podcast, Talk to Cass and we're going to start with a question from Alyssa.

Speaker 3:
[37:02] Hi, Cass. Okay. So I'm a butterfly with a little bit of ladybug, I think, and yet still a little bit of perfectionist mindset in there, wanting to organize like a cricket, but I'm not that, I kind of let that go. Anyway, so I live in a really, really small home currently, and I think I could find solutions that look good for my tendencies in a small home environment. However, I have two little kids, two toddlers that are destroying everything that's out, and so I'm wondering if you have any advice. I want things out easy to see and access, and that's just inviting my children to reach and grab and pull everything out. So it's not something I can do in this season in the way that I want, if that makes sense. Um, so I just feel a little bit stuck. Um, maybe this will be a new video idea for you or something. I just wanted to put it out there and see if someone can help me with this. How can I baby slash toddler proof in a way that is sustainable? Because I feel like I need to create barriers for them, but barriers for them is barriers for me and putting things in things and behind things and making me lose track of them because I can't see them. And when I don't see them, I forget I have them and piles and I don't know, you probably get where I'm coming from. Thanks for everything you do and I love you and please help me.

Speaker 1:
[38:59] I get you, you, okay, I have help, I have solutions. Here's the thing, everyone always, for some reason, stores things, waste or even chest down. So we don't think about taking advantage of the full wall space and if you have a small space, it's probably not forever. What I'm going to say off the bat is get open shelving that goes high because guess what? Toddlers are short and they can't reach up high. So this way you can put the things that you want to see and have that visual reminder and put away, but they can't reach it. Now for the stuff down low, we're going to have to do the label hack here because the other cool thing about toddlers is they can't read and you can. So if you're putting things in solid containers, but you're putting a big label, size matters, do not use some little dinky label maker, that is not going to be a visual cue. You need a big label for your brain. You're not going to forget that things are there. You're not going to forget to use it, but your children will just see nothing because they're also visual and out of sight, out of mind, except those suckers can't read. So no cue for them and they'll stay out of your stuff. Hopefully, I hope this helps. Now let's hear from Christina.

Speaker 4:
[40:21] Hi, Cass, my name is Christina. I have been absolutely loving your podcast. They've been truly, truly life-changing, especially Do It Shitty. I am an absolute perfectionist, very all or nothing. Therapy has helped little by little, but nothing as much as this in combination with decluttering and therapy. And just kind of doing the work, looking inward and trying to figure out why I have all of this and what it's taking away from me and my family. I have two young kids. I've had thyroid cancer. My daughter has a heart tumor. We just found out we have black mold in our attic. So, I mean, life is always life-ing. And I just spend all of my time dealing with stuff, shuffling the stuff, getting rid of stuff. We have had two dumpsters here in the last two years, and we got rid of a ton, but it was mostly like broken things or extra pieces of construction material or flooring. And now I'm finally to the good stuff. I'm finally to things that people could actually use, things that I could actually sell. And while I do feel like it would be great to sell it and get the money, I just, I'm finally able to be realistic. I know that getting it out or donating it or even trashing it is going to be better than nothing. I'm finally able to tell myself what is taking away from me, time with my family, time with my friends, doing things that I love and even the money that just adds up so fast. We could do a trip instead or rent a cabin with friends or just save it for retirement someday. So I want to thank you. I'm finally to a point where I can manage my house better. There's still so much to get rid of, but I can manage my house better. I can sit and read a book with my kids without feeling guilty for failing to clean the kitchen or something. I'm just enjoying my life a lot more. So I appreciate that. I just listened to your podcast. I do believe a year or two ago I would not have loved or excelled with the tough love method, but oh my gosh, I'm at a point where I absolutely love the tough love. I do think you're right. I think you were right when you said that the people who benefit from it are maybe the ones who have been putting in the work and have built that declutter muscle a little bit more because I think it would have been easier said than done before. And now I'm like, you know what? Yeah, do it shitty. I can just throw this away or I can just donate these things instead of listing them on Marketplace and wasting all my time with bots. So I love it. I love you. I appreciate you. And yeah, just wanted to say thanks.

Speaker 1:
[43:01] Thank you. I appreciate that. I think you're right. I think it's the journey that we're on. And Peter Walsh, he scolded me when we were doing a podcast together and he said, like hindsight is always 2020. And I'm at the place now where I can look back and be like, what are you talking about? Just throw it all out and start fresh. But I wouldn't have been able to do it like that in the beginning either. And so focusing on the little baby steps, we start with trash and we build our decluttering muscles. And it's always like peeling layers of an onion. And we just go a little bit further. Every time I declutter, I find more. And it could be the same space that I decluttered last week, but I'll find something new that I now have the courage that I didn't before. And we can all get to a place where it feels easy. And I'm just so happy to hear that your life is easier now because that's what it's all about. Now we have a question from anonymous.

Speaker 2:
[44:00] Hey, Cass, I just had a question. I have taken your quiz. Huge fan, by the way. I've taken your quiz over and over and over and over and over, girl. And let me tell you, I always get butterfly and I get it. I'm an artist. I have like severe ADHD. I'm not officially diagnosed because I haven't, you know, like gone forward with saying like, hey, I want medication for it. It's something my doctors and therapists like know about. Basically, my house is horribly, horribly cluttered and hasn't ever since I was little. Like when I was little, you couldn't see the floor. But basically, I'm an artist, so I have art everywhere. But, and I get that that's why I'm a butterfly because like the ADHD, I just leave things where I have them. But like, I can hear it and I know it sounds like, oh, you're a butterfly. But no, I don't like seeing like all of this stuff. Like I do like, I've tried putting, I do the hooks by the door and I have the baskets for the shoes that I like. I don't really like seeing the jackets, but you know, I'll do it. There's only three hooks by the door now, four little baby hooks. But I have like hooks for my keys and I have like over my specific areas, the walls, I will have them cluttered with like all my paintings on one wall or my wall above my desk has a bunch of my art on it. But on all my other walls, I like to have one piece of art with maybe like a little accent next to it or two or nothing. And like with my stuff, I prefer to have it like if it's on a shelf, I prefer to have it like hidden so I can't see it because seeing everything just stresses me out so much. So like ideally, what I started doing from your podcast too is, putting my appliances away. So like I have a very tiny kitchen. I live in a little three bedroom condo and I have this espresso machine and an air fryer and blender, all that good stuff and I only needed the ice maker out. I really only needed it. So like putting away, oh I even zoned above the sink, but putting away all the like a challenge above the sink really helps. Like every, anytime I need a coffee or an air fryer, I just get it out and I love not seeing it. And when I have other stuff too, I would like it to be sorted when I put it away, but not meticulously. I can't, I've tried, I've done like the binders and the files, but basically my question to you is, I'm sorry, I gotta start. How is it that I keep getting butterfly, butterfly, butterfly, but like I don't want it to be visual? Like I do like the decorations, yes. And I do forget, so I get that. So like, I like it behind a door, but I wanna open the door and I want it to be labeled. I just want it to look at me. I don't like everything out. Like that stresses me out so much, to where I just wanna cry. And I don't know, I just don't understand. And please, like I feel like you may just say, like, oh, you could be both. But like, how is it that I'm only getting one answer and it's like, no, this is what you are. And like, why does it keep saying I'm, like, why do my answers say I'm visual if I'm truly not feeling visual? Like, I don't know. I just wanted to ask you and see what you thought because I feel like I'm clearly not visual, but I don't know. So, I don't know. Just let me know what you think and thank you so much for the help.

Speaker 1:
[47:39] I have thoughts. My gut tells me you are probably a visual person, but here's where everybody gets this wrong. Being a visual person does not mean you like clutter. Being a visual person does not mean you want everywhere you look to be attacking your eyes with stuff. It means you need your important everyday things to have a visual cue for you to remember to use them. So when everything's visual, nothing's visual. You're not going to forget that you own underwear if it's in a drawer, but also you're not going to forget you have an air fryer or a blender. So if you're not using these things every day and you don't need the visual cue to remember, it shouldn't be out. It's actually detrimental to you. A visual organizer needs the things that they would naturally leave out anyways subconsciously to have a visual place to go. That's easy and that's convenient. All the other stuff can be behind closed doors. I have a feeling you think that because your place is cluttered right now, and you don't like looking at that, that you're not a visual organizer. But I would challenge you to say, I don't think you've actually experienced true visual organization in a clutter-free, organized space to know if you like that or not. That's what I would challenge you to do. Start with having less. Visual organizers need less stuff, period. You have to declutter, and then I would challenge you to keep tucking away the things that don't need to be out. Ladybug that stuff. That doesn't mean you're a ladybug. It means when everything's visual, nothing's visual, and you have to pick and choose the things you're naturally leaving out. Does that make sense? I hope this makes sense. Thank you so much for spending time with me today. I hope you're really proud of whatever progress you made. Hopefully, you decluttered some duplicates, or maybe you just did the dishes or the laundry. You did something today. Celebrate the crap out of that, okay? Fake-celebrate it. High-five yourself. Yes, you're amazing. Do a little jig. Give yourself the fake dopamine. It's actually real dopamine, but you're faking it for your brain to give it to you. Jump up and down. Act like a person who's excited and proud, and you'll feel it. This is how we trick ourselves. It's the ultimate dopamine hack to actually enjoy doing these mundane things. And I hope you take part in the seven-day stuff, hangover detox with me. I'm gonna put in the show notes what you can do every day. Maybe set a reminder in your phone for the next seven days, a reminder every morning of something you're gonna focus on. That will be helpful to keep you. And let me know in the comments what you're gonna do and if you're gonna do this with me. Thanks so much and I'll see you guys next time.