transcript

Speaker 1:
[00:04] Hello, and welcome to the John Mark Comer Teachings Podcast. My name is Yinka Dawson, and I'm your host. Each week, we feature teachings by John Mark, or other voices in the formation space. And it's great to have you with us. We're starting a new series this week on forgiveness. To start us off, Bethany Allen, the associate pastor of Bridgetown Church, unpacks what forgiveness is and what it isn't, and why unforgiveness can be an even heavier burden. She shares vulnerable from her own journey and invites us to release our desire for revenge and surrender to God's justice. Here's Bethany.

Speaker 2:
[00:38] We are going to start our next practice tonight. Which is, yeah, it's exciting, except that it is on forgiveness. So you know, like one, two, punch, and well, thank you. One person's excited. Well, it is exciting. I think there's the reality that there's a tension, even when we speak about forgiveness, particularly with those that we like or don't like. So I think just like with some of the other practices, this has the potential to hit us at our core, which is why I think more than ever, we need to be settled in this space just to receive what the Lord has for us tonight. A lot of you know that we as a country saw a gunman shoot up high school and while there are a lot of different messages that kind of came out of that horrific tragedy, there is one that has continued to surface as we've seen these tragedies happen all throughout our country over a period of time. And that is this idea of forgiveness. I saw an interview from this young student who saw her friend get shot in front of her and one of the things she declared to the interviewer was that she had forgiven or chosen to forgive the gunman who shot her friend. And so we find these messages of forgiveness for the shooter, forgiveness for his family, and forgiveness somehow like just oozes up from this place of unspeakable evil and darkness and it's penetrates and it changes the way that we're viewing and experiencing what has taken place. And forgiveness, it's that's a grandiose kind of expression of it. It comes in all shapes and sizes. People need to be forgiven or experience the forgiving of someone else. If someone has lied about them and maybe they missed out on some promotion that they wanted or a parent lied to a kid and it was just small and it wasn't a big deal. But forgiveness needs to take place in there, right? There's a spectrum when it comes to forgiveness. And I imagine that none of us in this room are strangers to this concept. Whatever your experience has been, your relational experience with forgiveness, you'll need it, right? So it's part of what I would say the relational fabric of our lives, forgiveness. If you actually want a dynamic, not a static and dead relationship with someone, you're going to have to at least at some level engage in the practice of forgiveness. Would you agree? Yeah, which stinks. So anyway, thankfully, as disciples of Jesus, we have a rabbi who talked about forgiveness a ton. In fact, it was central to so much of the message that he spoke about. So if you will turn with me in your Bibles to Luke 7. And we're going to read just one example of forgiveness from Jesus in the scriptures. We'll pick up in verse 36. And I'll go ahead and read it for us since I'm the loudest one in the room. It says, when one of the Pharisees invited Jesus to have dinner with him, he went to the Pharisee's house and reclined at the table. A woman in that town who lived a sinful life learned that Jesus was eating at the Pharisee's house, so she came there with an alabaster jar of perfume. As she stood behind him at his feet weeping, she began to wet his feet with her tears. And then she wiped them with her hair, kissed them, and poured perfume on them. When the Pharisee who had invited him saw this, he said to himself, if this man were a prophet, he would know who was touching him and what kind of woman she is, that she is a sinner. And Jesus answered him, Simon, I have something to tell you, which is way more gracious than I would have been. I would have been like, let me tell you something, okay, you know, differently. He says, tell me, teacher. Two people, Jesus said, owed money to a certain money lender. One owed him 500 denarii and the other 50. Neither of them had the money to pay him back, so he forgave the debts of both. Now, which of them, he asked, will love him more? Simon replied, I suppose the one who had the bigger debt forgiven. You have judged correctly, Jesus said. And he turned toward the woman and said to Simon, Do you see this woman? I came into your house and you didn't give me any water for my feet, but she wet my feet with her tears and wiped them with her hair. You did not give me a kiss, but this woman, from the time I entered, has not stopped kissing my feet. You did not put oil on my head, but she has poured perfume on my feet. Therefore, I tell you, her many sins have been forgiven, as her great love has shown. But whoever has forgiven little loves little. And then Jesus said to her, Your sins are forgiven. The other guests began to say among themselves, Who is this who even forgives sins? And Jesus said to the woman, Your faith has saved you. Go in peace. In this text, there's a lot of things to know, but for the sake of time, we're just going to keep it kind of short. What we see from the very beginning is this really crazy contrast of both this Pharisee who would have been a religious person of the day, would have been notably at least at some level self-righteous, not marked by a ton of humility, and then this woman who the scriptures say lived a sinful life. And we think that probably means that she was a prostitute or someone who just had a really, really negative reputation. And in the scriptures, we see this great contrast. And you can imagine, I just want to think about how the story progresses. This woman then goes to the house of a Pharisee, and she goes inside. Like that would have been enough for me. I would have been outside the thing and been like, Jesus, you know, or whatever. I just, I would have been trying to do it from the outside. And she goes into the house. And not only is she in the house of the Pharisee, a religious leader of the day who she knows would have judged her. She goes in and Jesus is there too. And she doesn't stand back and do nothing and just kind of whisper like, hey, when you get a second, could we? She goes over to him and immediately begins to weep and allows her tears to fall on him, to almost anoint him and to wash his feet. And then she wipes his feet with her hair. It's like this very personal and intimate moment. And the extraordinary vulnerability and humility we see in this woman should be striking to us. And then this Pharisee obviously super appalled by that. It was really just distasteful in his opinion. And Jesus, reading his mind or whatever he was doing, Decided to tell him a little story, which again would be way more gracious than what I would do. And he says, there's this story about these people who have experienced debts and both had great debts. When both were forgiven, one bigger than the other, who would have, who loved the guy who set him free more? And he's like, well, of course, it's the guy with the bigger debt. And then he just simply beautifully states that those who have been forgiven will love much, whose debts have been erased will love much. And there's just this unique, beautiful, simple expression of forgiveness, this beautiful insight to the reality and power of forgiveness, particularly for those of us who are in the kingdom of God, that we see in this woman. I love the last phrase that Jesus speaks to this woman. He says, your sins are forgiven, now go in peace. And this was a common expression that he would have spoken. That word in the text, peace, actually means safety and health, fullness and rest. And I just want you to notice just from this small story that we just read, the way that forgiveness is directly and intrinsically tied to peace. There's a connection between the two and I think this story has given us great insight into what forgiveness does if it's actually taken place. So there's no doubt that the words of Jesus in Luke 7 give us powerful insights on like a million different levels. But this is just one of many stories from the life and teachings of Jesus. We know that as we read through the Gospels, we know that forgiveness is just so central to everything that he talks about. And not even the Gospels, but all throughout the scriptures, we see this thread of forgiveness woven from Genesis, where we hear about the sacrificing of animals for the forgiveness of sins, all the way to Jesus on the cross, sacrificing himself for us. Forgiveness in the kingdom of God is what we eat, breathe and sleep is essential to our life. It is, as someone said once, the oxygen of the kingdom, which means that unforgiveness, the opposite of forgiving people, if you didn't know what that meant, is actually a giant obstacle for life in the kingdom. And for many of us, I think it's a roadblock. It's something that keeps us from being able to move forward in our intimacy with God and particularly in our intimacy with other people. Turn with me to Matthew chapter 6, just for a second. And we're just going to pick up in verses 14 through 15. And this should be familiar to some of you. We've read through this, I think it was this summer or fall. What day is it? Verse 14, this is Jesus talking. It's this famous sermon on the mountain. He says, he's talking about prayer. He's talking about forgiveness. And he says, for if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive others their sins, your father will not forgive your sins. Here once again, we have Jesus addressing this concept or this idea of forgiveness. It's clear that he's saying that we will need forgiveness in the kingdom of God. He's saying you will at some point in time be the offended and you will, on others, other times be the offender. And I think this text, particularly these words of Jesus, show us how seriously he takes this idea. It's clear that he's saying that if his disciples don't forgive others, then their heavenly father won't forgive them. And every time I read that, it's incredibly striking to me because I'm kind of like, that doesn't seem fair. You don't know the situation and the circumstances. But Jesus is clear. There's no way to exegete around it. Trust me, I have tried. This is what he's saying. And it's not a small thing for him to say. But if we read this the right way, I think the way that the, hopefully the author intended it, we'll also see that this is actually more about maintaining relationship and intimacy with God than anything else. It's us being willing to remove every single roadblock that would keep us from fellowship, not only with him, but with each other, so that we can have intimacy, so that we can have what he calls life to the full. In this text, I think it's really clear that we see forgiving others is directly connected to our relationship with him. And so often we want to ignore that reality. We want to ignore that truth. But unforgiveness is the thing that can keep us from him. Now the message of forgiveness, Jesus' teaching carries with it a million different implications for our lives that I actually think are catalytic. When I think back to significant times in my life, a lot of them center around moments of forgiveness. And maybe that's true for you too. And I love the teachings of Jesus and I love how he talks about forgiveness. And I love that his teachings aren't just like one dimensional. I love that he is a brilliant rabbi who, not only taught forgiveness, but in his entire person, mind, body, heart, soul, and spirit, he embodied it. And so the question then for those of us who are even beginning to begin this conversation about forgiveness is how do we become like him? And what do we need to do? What does it mean to forgive someone, really? I mean, there's a million different implications for it. Why does it really matter, except for this little thing being in relationship with God and others? I think culture and specifically Christian culture has defined this a million different ways what forgiveness is and what it's supposed to look like for better or for worse. So I think tonight a helpful place for us to start would be in addressing what forgiveness isn't. Forgiveness is not forgetting. You've heard it said, right? Forgive and forget, just get over it, move past it. Well, I think if you've been alive for more than five minutes, do you understand that that is not a reality? I mean, am I right? Right? I mean, we are beings that were created to remember. Did you know that? You have like a little system. I don't know how it all works. We'll talk about it later. But some of you, actually someone in this room is like, well, actually, I'm like, no. I mean, that's interesting for another time and another place where I'm not there. No, it is interesting. We are beings that were created to remember, right? And all throughout the scriptures, we hear this beautiful, repetitive phrase, remember, remember, remember. From the Old Testament to the New, we are people who are called to remember. So this is the reality that we live in. We have access to our memories. We have access to our memories that are framed the way we understood them. So to say we have to forgive and forget is actually an impossibility that suffocates so many of us and makes us believe that we are incapable of doing what we are actually capable of doing. We are not computers who at will can just shut off systems. It's not an option for us. So I think we need to recognize that remembering will be part of the path of forgiveness. But contrary to what it may feel like, it doesn't have to hold us hostage. We're going to talk about that a lot more in a few weeks, but I just want you to begin to wrap your head around this. Did you do it? Great. Next, forgiveness is not a feeling. Oh, which is disappointing. That means that there's going to be times when we decide to forgive over and against what we're actually feeling in the moment. Forgiving doesn't demand that we forget. It's not the place where we pretend we were not hurt by something or that something didn't happen. It doesn't mean we excuse or condone certain behaviors, but it is also not the place where emotions get to run wild and dictate your future or dictate the outcome of your circumstances. As people who live in the reality of the kingdom, we have access to so much more than that. So much more than our feelings. We have access to the feelings of God, the wisdom and the knowledge of God. And so we've got to again accept that forgiveness is not about how we feel, but it is about being in step with the Spirit and doing what He's inviting us into. Next, forgiveness does not mean that something is not a sin. I don't know who said it, but a sin is a sin is a sin. And it could have been me who said it. In all honesty, I was like, did someone say that or was it just in my head? Anyway, write it down and put my name next to it. Sin is sin is sin. In the scriptures, it's really clear. It's just stuff that's like, man, this is definitively sin. And sometimes when we're in our relationship and being sinned against, there's pain or there's hurt or whatever it may be. And the reality is that thing is just a sin and forgiving doesn't negate that fact. For some reason, in the Christian world, we have this like thing that clicks over in our brain where we're like, if I forgive them, then it means they didn't actually wrong me. Do you know what I'm talking about? Some weird system. I don't know if they put it in when you're little or what happens. But that's just it. It's not true. Some things are still free. You're free to call something a sin and yet still respond in forgiveness. Hear me when I say forgiveness is not the measuring stick of justice. It's the place where we invite Jesus to come in and reframe and heal. And then from there, help us figure out how to move forward. That's, I think, what Jesus is talking about. Next, forgiveness is not always allowing someone who is toxic, and I mean that respectfully or painful back into your life. In the process of forgiveness, I think again, in Christendom, the world that we're kind of operating in, we often think that this is just one and the same. In the process of forgiveness, I think there's wisdom that has to be heated about what it means to allow the one who has hurt you back into your life. Of course, as disciples of Jesus, we work to live at peace with all people. We work towards relational reconciliation, and we do that the best we can, but it is not always a guarantee or even the definitive statement that we must do it. Forgiveness will be the repairing agent in a damaged relationship, 100%, but it does not obligate us to reconcile with the person who harmed us or to release them from legal accountability. In the realm of forgiveness, I think there's a reality to setting boundaries and being accountable and living in true communities so that we are able to actually embrace the fullness of what it is and embrace the healing that comes with it. Forgiveness, just to be very clear, is not the same as reconciling with someone. Those are two actually different things. And we're going to talk about that way more in the next couple of weeks. But I just want to be clear, it doesn't demand that. And for those of you who are in really unique situations, and I know some of those, I just want to be clear, there is a healthy moment, there's a healthy Christ-like response to setting boundaries and living within those parameters. Next, forgiveness is rarely, again, super annoying, a one-time event, which is how I'd prefer it. I usually have enough gusto to do something, but I'd prefer not to do it again. Just one and done, and that's it. Forgiveness, as I mentioned earlier, is often a choice. It's not always, like, you know, it's not always something that gives way to just like this monumental moment. For the most part, it is just going to be a deliberate act of choosing. Some days, you're going to feel like you want to forgive someone, and you have the, again, like I said, the gusto to actually do it. But then other days, you are going to feel like no freaking way. Nope. And forgiveness is not going to be just that one moment that happened in this space or that space or the other. It's about choosing it over and over again. It actually becomes a discipline or a practice for lack of better words. So, that's a little bit not an exhaustive list to be clear and to be very sure. But it is something we wanted to hit on. We wanted to say this is not what forgiveness is. So now that we've got that just totally in us and memorized, let's talk about what forgiveness is. My dear friend and favorite theology professor, Gary Brashears. Mostly I love him the most because he likes me. You know, that's helpful. And I didn't have a lot of theology professors who did. So anyway, and I mean, I love him for all the other million reasons, but he defines forgiveness this way. He says that it is the personal act to release the one who send against me from my personal right to collect on the moral debt or to pay him or her back for his or her offense. And I love this definition. I actually think it's super helpful as we consider what forgiveness is. And practically this has to kind of play out in a more tangible way. I mean, I know we get this conceptually, but what does it actually mean practically? And I think it means this. First, that we return to God the right to take care of justice. And, you know, I would love to say this is an easy one, but this is not. I don't know if you picked this up about me, but I'm slightly passionate. And in my passion comes a lot of clarity, only in, like, rare moments. But when I have those rare moments, I'm like, some things are black and some things are white. And there's just not a middle ground. I'm like, the gray doesn't even exist. And I'm not even willing to talk about it. That's the kind of person I am. So you can imagine that this kind of sphere is hard for me to release justice, because often, honestly, and you probably do too, we feel like we're better at justice than God is because he feels slow, right? He feels like he's just dragging his feet. What are you doing? This thing is happening. I mean, really, that's how you feel, right? Or maybe he just didn't do it the way you thought. You're like, are you kidding with blessing? Is this some biblical what's and then a storm's coming? What is it, right? We're putting all the pieces together. It's so hard for us not to think that we know better, but in this space and actually forgiving, we have to let go of this desire for revenge or to punish someone for something they have done. This is the space where we just declare by faith that he knows better. And in fact, not only better, but he knows best. If we give God the reins, if we allow him to handle justice in a way that we never could, we will experience freedom and life in ways we never could. Giving back to God our rights to justice actually frees us up from sin and in the future bondage of sin that is out there looming for us in this particular dynamic. So the invitation then is to give God the reins. Say like, I'm going to trust you to work on behalf of me. And I know that for some of us, that is a hard space of faith. It's a hard thing to do to say like, you're going to have to defend me as I have no other defense. And it is, it is a space of great faith. But I believe it is a space where he is able to make himself so big. Remember that he is a God who is after you and for you. He withholds nothing good. Next, forgiveness means that we will determine to do what is good rather than evil. And not only will we determine to do good, we will want good rather than evil. Forgiveness has this ability to free us up to begin to want good not only for ourselves, but for the one who hurt us, which seems like radically impossible. I get that. But if you think about the situation in which you were injured or for which forgiveness is necessary, then you will also hopefully recognize that the common denominator between your pain and the person who injured you is evil, it's sin. And the call for the disciple of Jesus is to actually hate that crap. And to get mad about it. And to not objectify again the person and their sin, but hate to the sin and begin to move in that direction. To declare your victory as a child in the kingdom of God, and to look at it through that perspective and go, it's evil that has made you do this, it is sin that's happened to me, this is all infecting us, and I'm mad at that stuff. Like, get that out of here. And when I stop looking at just the offender, I'm able to go, it's not just this person, they're also a victim of this evil on this earth. And I'm able to actually see them in their humanity, and maybe, and this is by the grace of God, this is an act or work of God, but actually want for them freedom, and want for them goodness and good things. Determining to do good and wanting to do good means we're actually pressing into the narrative of the kingdom, of the belief that God actually brings beauty from ashes, that He actually is able to bring good from evil, and that He's able to heal us in the way that He says He is, that He's able to restore us and to rebuild us. Finally, forgiveness means that we will see it for what it is, which is an unmerited gift. Forgiveness isn't earned, it's given. I know that sounds simple, but for me, it's one of the most profound things in my study here. Forgiveness is something we give, not something that's earned over a period of time when the person seems to be this repentant or that repentant or whatever. I'm a measuring kind of person. I'm certainly not the middle child like my brother, and he is a big measurer. Because as you imagine, the baby gets a lot of good things and the big one gets to do all the things first. And so then he's like, but where's all measures? He's a measurer. Anyway, he's wonderful. But I have that propensity too in me to go like, I haven't done enough to be worthy of my forgiveness. What does repentance actually look like? Because I don't know, I don't think this is it. And to be more withholding, I have the pharisaical nature, if you haven't picked up on that. And so that's my propensity. But as I've studied this, I'm learning that forgiveness is something that is granted from the heart. And it is often expressed in a practical, tangible moment of release. It is what one scholar said, a true act of love. And I believe it's the place where we will absorb some of the pain that was caused and committed against us. And in that space, in that absorbing, what really wasn't ours at some level, we will also get to extend an invitation both to the Lord and to the offender of peace. And so as we press in to this reality of forgiveness, I think we think easy enough or easy enough for you to say, but it's really not. Because one thing we need to talk about when it comes to forgiveness is how hard it is. It's easy enough for me to stand up here and say to you, like, these are all the things, and you'll work through them this week in your practice. But for many of us, I think, and I've known forgiveness to feel really, really impossible. I know that, I don't know, actually, how many of you know my story. But for those of you who don't, my mom left our family when I was 14, and we didn't have any real contact with her for seven years. So when I was 21, my mom reached out to me and asked if she could see me. And she wanted to ask for my forgiveness, and I knew that. And man, I had a lot of feelings about that. You know, I was alive at 21. Just in a way, I'm not now, as you can imagine, so vibrant. And the pain I had was genuinely very deep. The loss I had experienced was excruciating. And the thought of seeing her face in front of mine was honestly the one thing that could make me violently sick to my stomach. So, I said no, like any good Bible student at the time. And I just, I moved on, or I tried to move on. I know in my experience what it feels like to be betrayed and abandoned, to be hurt by somebody who wasn't supposed to hurt you that way, and to hurt so much that sometimes you cannot breathe. Forgiveness for me wasn't on the table, and it was not an option when it came to my mom, at least not the kind that led to anything other than me just moving on and pretending like she didn't exist. I thought that would be the noble right thing to do. I wouldn't dishonor her by writing a MySpace post, but that's what we had back then. Some of you are Googling it, so okay. That was my formula for forgiveness. So I don't stand up here, I think really the reason I could talk to you tonight is because I know some of that. I know forgiveness is hard. I'm not standing up here acting like it is, or hopefully I'm not. And I know what it means to stare plainly in the face of the thing that wounded you the most and count the million ways that you have been changed by it. And it was hard. But I want to say this. I think what is harder is the pain you live with when you don't forgive. What is harder is the poison that begins to sicken your heart and mind, that hardens you in places you didn't invite it to. What's harder still is the way unforgiveness robs you of your life and your freedom and your joy. There's that cliché that I'm sure you've heard. Some of you have it like tattooed or knit somewhere. But it's, forgiveness is setting somebody free and realizing that somebody is you. Seems the person unforgiveness most hurts is us. In our attempt to keep them from healing, we usually poison our own hearts far more deeply. You don't have to turn there, but you can if you would. Just Hebrews chapter 12, verse 15. It's just a verse I want to read to you. The author there, he says, that as disciples were to see to it that no one falls short of the grace of God, and that no bitter root grows up to cause trouble and defile many. When we don't forgive, when we allow unforgiveness in our lives, we're at risk of being defiled by bitterness, and all that it entails, and it won't only affect us. See, that's the thing we think about unforgiveness, or not forgiving someone, is we think it's just my thing, and it's my personal experience. It's certainly what I thought, and actually it's affecting everyone around you. It is. It's having an impact on your children, on your husband, on your family, on your relational dynamics with your friends, or your boyfriend, or whoever it may be. It's this thing that just kind of pervades, and it kind of burrows down into the depths of who you are. And the call of the Disciple, at least in this book of Hebrews, is that we're to be people who pull up unforgiveness, and we do that by its roots. Which means that we actually have to go to the places of our deepest pain, of the deepest offenses committed against us, and to bring that wounding, that root, that thing that hurts the most, we pull it up, and we bring it to Jesus. And it's for the purpose of us being free, of being given back the life that was supposed to be ours, and it's also this holy moment where God takes the worst thing, and He and His kindness and goodness absorbs it into Himself, and gives you back a healthy plant. Right? He takes all the bitterness and all the bad things that would infect the soil and infect the landscape, and He gives you a beautiful plant. And forgiveness is not easy at all, but it is possible. For those of us who are particularly in the kingdom of heaven, and listen, in most of my experiences with forgiveness, I've done it in community. And honestly, the truth is the burden is lighter, lighter when other people help you carry the weight as you're walking through the process of forgiveness. But in the practice this week, we're going to focus on reflecting on the forgiveness we've received from God. So that maybe, hopefully, that we'll be moved to a place, just as this woman in Luke 7 was forgiven much, that we'd be moved to love much. And in our loving much, that we would be able to forgive much. Now, this practice, I think, it sounds simple enough, because it is pretty simple. But it's going to be really important that we cultivate safe spaces and spaces in our communities where this healing and this work can be done. So I just want to invite you to do that. If you've ever walked through forgiveness in a bigger way, you know how vulnerable it is, how hard it is. And so I just invite you to be sensitive to that, to be sensitive to the spirit in that, and to consider if you don't have a person you can think about, to consider somebody in your community who would have been maybe like me. It's not something I was broadcasting to people, but was carrying in myself for seven long years. The invitation to forgiveness, at least as Jesus extends it, is always gentle. And what I love about him is he's not in a hurry. He's just not. But at the same time, he will be, and I'm just telling you, he will be unrelenting and working for your good. Which sometimes means that he's going to invite you into the realm of forgiveness. Right after my mom reached out to me about meeting, I was woken up seven nights in a row, which is so dramatic of God, but there we are. I respond to drama a little bit. Every night, he'd wake me up at the same time. I'm not even kidding. Some of you are like, you should be alarmed. I know, but I'm not. In hindsight, I feel great. He would wake me up and he'd say, Bethany, he just remind me of this narrative of the fact that I had been forgiven so much. Then he kept saying these things like, I will continue to forgive you with open arms. That's going to be our narrative. Then I would hear him say like, I will give you the grace to forgive your mom. Then we argued a lot. We have that, if you haven't noticed. I told him all the reasons this was an impossible thing to ask me to do. There's nothing cute about that conversation. It was brutal. I would talk through the pain. We would go through the images of all the places she should have been, like in the hospital with my sister at prom, at my graduation. And I would just tell him, these are the reasons I can't. I just can't. Over and over again, he would be just so naggy. And he would just say and remind me of all the things that he had done for me. Of all the ways he had loved me in that season. And I think as he just kept doing that, it was like this little tiny seed of faith was planted in me somewhere. And I did it like a sneak attack. It was totally, I wasn't aware. He was like chocolate and I was like really? And he was like, you know, or whatever. I think. And that faith began to grow over time. And I think after that week of sleepless nights, and I think I thought, I think I thought, well maybe they'll do something for us. So on the last night, the seventh night of the wake up calls, I relented and I said, okay, I'd go see her. But basically, I was like unwilling. You know, I was like, I'm going, but barely. I'm like, you know, that's how I operate with him. And I did, I went and saw my mom, and the whole thing was really awkward, really hard. I was 14, maybe, I don't know, the last time I saw her. So then I was like this full blown woman, and had really matured and blossomed into a beautiful young person. And yeah, and when you talk about your awkward moments, I'm like, nah, that's all right. I had like the, I peaked, you know, this awkward moment of my life. Anyway, my mom and I, we took a walk on the beach, and she told me she was sorry, and I'm pretty sure I didn't say that I forgive her in that moment. But in my heart, I had already committed that I would talk to her for five minutes a week because I talk to these annoying church women for five minutes a week, and I thought, well, I could do that for her. I mean, that's the truth. They're not here. They were in Alabama, so don't worry about it. It's not you guys. Then about a month after I moved to Portland, which was about two years after we had our initial conversation, my mom humbled herself to me in a way that was so like Jesus. I'll never forget it. She like full blown repented to me. And from that space, something greater opened up in our relationship. Forgiveness is the platform for more forgiveness. It is the bridge that holds the healing. It's the framework where all these good things can be put, things you didn't expect or you didn't imagine. Let me show you a picture. And this is my mom, and she's my best friend. And I talk to her every day, for better or worse, for her. And through forgiveness and through Jesus, we found a new way to live. We didn't, you know, is everything perfect and patched up? No. No. Do you regret everything? Do you like forget? Did you forget about everything that happened? No. Is there still healing that needs to happen? Does it still hurt sometimes? Yes. But hear me, I get to say these words to you because I'm someone who has been forgiven and who has gotten to forgive. And I know the power of forgiveness. And my prayer through this whole thing has been that you would know it too. I know what it means to offer up impossible prayers to God. And I had this image earlier this morning. It was nothing I had thought about ever, but I had this image. I went to a Baptist church growing up, much like this, but we had stairs that led down. And, you know, Baptists don't actually come to the altar. We go to the men in the suits, you know? I don't know if you know that, but that's what we do. And, and I remember it was like three years into my mom being out of my life. And I just felt like the Lord is like, go to the altar. I was like, oh, these people, they're going to look at me. And this isn't what we do here. And all those feelings. And he just invited me down to the altar. And I just, because he had been talking to me about forgiveness then. And I just said, I don't have, I don't have a way to go forward. I have no way. I don't see how this is even remotely possible. It's not even here. And he just said, if you'll just come, position yourself. It's the first step that I'm asking you to take. And I think for some of you in this room, that's your first step. With your impossible prayers, it's a step that you need to take forward, just maybe even with your physical body that says, like, God, if there's any way, would you make a way? And so tonight, that's what we're going to invite you into. Would you just stand and we're going to pray?

Speaker 1:
[39:41] This can be a heavy topic that often brings up all manner of pain and sorrow. Yet, as Bethany shared, God takes forgiveness very seriously. So for our reflection this week, let's ask the Holy Spirit if there's anyone in our lives who we need to forgive, and then ask what our next step might be in that process. Before we move on, let's start by taking a few deep breaths. And becoming aware of God's presence in us and around us. Invite him to be with you. When you're ready, ask the Holy Spirit, who might I need to forgive? Maybe someone came to mind immediately. Maybe no one came to mind, that's okay. But if you have someone in mind, let's move forward with that. Since forgiveness is a journey that we take one step at a time, let's finish by asking the Holy Spirit this question. Holy Spirit, what might be the next right thing for me to do to move forward towards forgiveness? Maybe you just need to decide in your heart that you'll forgive them. Maybe you need to decide again to forgive them. Or maybe you need to call a friend to process. Whatever it is, let this be an invitation to journey with the Holy Spirit, and prayerfully take the next right step. Father God, thank you for always forgiving us. Show us again how much we've been forgiven, that we might love you more deeply and have the strength to forgive everyone. Amen. Thanks for listening. This podcast is from Practicing the Way. We develop resources to help churches and small groups apprentice in the way of Jesus. Thanks to Little Thoughts for our show music. We're a crowdfunded nonprofit, so everything we make is completely free because it's already been paid for by The Circle. Our community are monthly givers. Special thanks today goes to Rebecca from San Antonio, Texas, Mark from Pomona Park, Florida, Drew from Baltimore, Maryland, Larry from Corsicana, Texas, and Josh from Greenville, North Carolina. Thank you all very much. To join these friends in The Circle or learn more about our resources, visit practiceintheway.org. Until next time, may the grace of the Lord Jesus Christ, and the love of God, and the fellowship of the Holy Spirit be with you all.