transcript

Speaker 1:
[00:00] If I traveled to get dumped, if I went to a different borough, if I went to West Hollywood from the west side during rush hour, 90 minutes to get dumped, you better pay me. This podcast is a Dear Media production.

Speaker 2:
[00:29] Hi, guys.

Speaker 1:
[00:30] Hi, guys.

Speaker 2:
[00:31] Welcome back to another episode of Girls Gotta Eat.

Speaker 1:
[00:33] Welcome back. We are in Cabo as this airs.

Speaker 2:
[00:38] Yes, for a wedding of our friend, Oyssa. Yes, we're on a boat. Think of us on a boat.

Speaker 1:
[00:45] Yes, on 420, we will be on a boat. I'm just so glad to be back in Cabo. What happens in Cabo stays in Cabo.

Speaker 2:
[00:53] That's where you got a boyfriend.

Speaker 1:
[00:54] That's where I got a boyfriend, that's where I turned 40. If you know, you know, it has a special place to heart, but we're here for our friend's wedding as this airs. Rayna, I got to tell you, so I wanted to book some stuff. We're going to be there for five days, Shonk and I are. We're doing a trip Saturday through Wednesday. And I was like, I want to do some stuff. We have a few things with the wedding, but I want to do something on Sunday.

Speaker 2:
[01:15] Do each other.

Speaker 1:
[01:16] So I booked an excursion, and I don't think you're going to be in town yet, but I figured I would invite you live on air. We are going to do a three-hour e-bike tour.

Speaker 2:
[01:27] Ew, of what?

Speaker 1:
[01:28] Around the beaches and stuff. It looks pretty cool.

Speaker 2:
[01:30] You're a bike on the beach.

Speaker 1:
[01:31] You do. I think you have these like fat tire bikes. So here's what I...

Speaker 2:
[01:34] On the sand?

Speaker 1:
[01:35] I don't know.

Speaker 2:
[01:35] I didn't even know you could do that.

Speaker 1:
[01:37] So there was a few different options. And what I wanted to do, which they didn't have any availability, was it's a two-part excursion, e-bike and camels.

Speaker 2:
[01:47] I would fuck with some camels.

Speaker 1:
[01:48] And it said it's humane certified. Like I always, animal stuff. I'm always like, I want to make sure. But camels can be ridden.

Speaker 2:
[01:54] I've ridden a camel.

Speaker 1:
[01:55] Yeah, same. As a little kid, but not in recent years. So maybe the camels will open up and we'll do it, but.

Speaker 2:
[02:02] That sounds fine.

Speaker 1:
[02:03] Okay, well maybe you'd want to do the camel.

Speaker 2:
[02:05] Camels in Mexico?

Speaker 1:
[02:06] In Cabo, camels in Cabo. It's a thing.

Speaker 2:
[02:08] It's a thing?

Speaker 1:
[02:09] It's a thing.

Speaker 2:
[02:10] Camels are indigenous to Mexico. They're not indigenous. They have them there.

Speaker 1:
[02:15] I should look into this. To see if they're real. I think I'm just getting real camels, not AI.

Speaker 2:
[02:21] Get them there.

Speaker 1:
[02:22] Yeah.

Speaker 2:
[02:23] I land like midday on Sunday. I'm probably not going to go on a camel ride.

Speaker 1:
[02:26] Okay. Okay, guys. Well, you are hearing it here first. She's denying my invitation.

Speaker 2:
[02:32] Biking a hundred. I thought you were going to tell me if you're a hike, which I would consider on a vacation.

Speaker 1:
[02:37] I mean, we love to e-bike. And I had to tell you, I love to exercise and I love to break a sweat and be active on trips. It says like, you won't even break a sweat. They kind of are like, don't worry, you won't have to do the work. Like, it's an e-bike.

Speaker 2:
[02:50] What does that mean?

Speaker 1:
[02:51] That you don't really have to pedal.

Speaker 2:
[02:53] It pedals for you?

Speaker 1:
[02:53] Not all e-bikes are created equal, but like Shashank's e-bike that he has here in LA, he doesn't have to pedal. Like, it's not a city bike in New York, you do have to pedal. Yeah, it just goes. Yeah.

Speaker 2:
[03:01] As somebody who's never successfully ridden a bike, I don't know anything about it.

Speaker 1:
[03:05] I think they're going to make us wear like knee pads and shit.

Speaker 2:
[03:08] Like to wear knee pads? They're not going to make you do that in Mexico.

Speaker 1:
[03:11] I mean, helmets, of course, but I saw people wearing like elbow and knee pads. You guys, stop, I'm not rollerblading.

Speaker 2:
[03:16] I think Mexico is cooler than that. I don't think they're going to be like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

Speaker 1:
[03:20] I know, I really don't want to wear knee pads and elbow pads.

Speaker 2:
[03:21] The FDA recommends that you wear knee pads.

Speaker 1:
[03:23] I'm like, can I save these for later? I have to suck a dick later. Can I hold onto these?

Speaker 2:
[03:27] Can you bring your elbow pads to give you a blow job later?

Speaker 1:
[03:32] Anyway, so that's where we are, follow along.

Speaker 2:
[03:34] Okay, well, we're going to thank our partners and then jump right in. Thanks to Skims, get our favorite bras and underwear at skims.com/gge and hungry root. Get 40% off your first box and a free item in every box for life at hungryroot.com/gge with code gge.

Speaker 1:
[03:50] And thank you to Lola Blankets, get 40% off select products at lolablankets.com with code girlsgottaeat. And thank you to hers, get the support that actually reflects your needs. Start a free intake at forhers.com. Why did you just dab?

Speaker 2:
[04:07] The way that you just went.

Speaker 1:
[04:09] I just had to clear, you need to get like a, like it feels like it's like an air bubble in your throat.

Speaker 2:
[04:15] Don't I know how it feels in my throat? I have not been sick like this. Have you ever known me to be this sick? I can't remember another time, like the entire time of our friendship. So it's a cold, like I don't know what else to call this.

Speaker 1:
[04:27] Don't get me started on this. Colds need to be rebranded because there is such a spectrum. There is sniffles, of course. And then there is deathbed daggers in your throat. I don't buy it, I don't buy it that you just had a cold.

Speaker 2:
[04:40] I started to feel sick last Monday. Tuesday we recorded and I started to get a sore throat. I woke up, I never went to sleep really. Tuesday night, like three in the morning, I was staring at the ceiling, I had like tears in my eyes because I had to get up and fly to Salt Lake in the morning. And I was like, I don't think I have it in me. I am like really unwell, I haven't slept. I don't think I have a five hour flight in me, let alone like getting on stage. I messaged our agent. Luckily he was on the West Coast. So midnight he ran back. He was like, it's okay, we can move a show if you like really need to. I had to like cancel my opener. Him and I booked on Salt Lake. We booked Salt Lake and Nashville. I messaged you and I was like, I don't know what to do because I've never, you and I have never canceled a show. We've been on tour for eight years. We have never canceled. I've never been too sick to get on stage.

Speaker 1:
[05:21] First being sick. A few times we've had to like postpone a show. I just want to be clear, because people will be in the comments. You canceled them? Sure. And we hate to do it. It's like the worst thing when stuff comes up that's out of our control, like unforeseen circumstances. But as far as something personal, like day of, week of being sick, it's never happened. I mean, and we've been sick. I mean, I actually, last year, I had to cancel some bar shows here in LA, because I had the flu and they rescheduled them. But like, we've been really lucky and we've been healthy.

Speaker 2:
[05:50] The fact that like, it like breaks my heart that people would like buy plane tickets, book hotels, fly somewhere. Like, so I was trying to get ahead of it. I just couldn't, I was so sick. I like could not get out of bed. So I canceled, I moved the shows. So just so you guys know, Salt Lake and Nashville have been moved. Nashville will be July 29th and Salt Lake will be July 30th. So my only shows this summer at all.

Speaker 1:
[06:09] Oh my gosh, I didn't know you moved them then.

Speaker 2:
[06:12] Well, Andrew just was like, let's just get people a new date right away. I mean, we're really lucky. We have a great agent who just was like, this stuff happens, I'll contact the clubs. And they were really, really nice about everything. I just like said to you, like, I don't know what to do. I just, I've never been this sick. And it's just a fucking cold. I don't have the flu, I don't have COVID. I got tested for everything.

Speaker 1:
[06:30] I don't believe it. I don't believe it either. You were like on your deathbed. You could not speak. Your throat was like to the debilitating pain. Did they check you for bronchitis? Is that still a thing?

Speaker 2:
[06:39] They checked me for strep, but the weirdest thing, I wasn't coughing really.

Speaker 1:
[06:42] Yeah, I knew it wasn't strep. I'm telling you, it's something different. I just can't with this. That's a common cold.

Speaker 2:
[06:47] Shut up. And then you Google everything. It's just like, there's just no cure for it. Yes, there is. Big cold is profiting off of this. I got an IV. I got a $300 IV. And because it just said, this will fix everything. No change. I was like, I'll go to these shows, hell or high water. That's what I spent on an IV. No, no change at all. I'm trying to take all these medicines. I Googled it. Should I go to a hospital? Is it normal to produce this much snot? I have been a human snot factory. Have you ever used to produce that much mucus for your life? I don't think this is natural.

Speaker 1:
[07:20] There was a point where I would get these colds and I haven't had one in years where I would plug my nose with tissue to walk around the city because I would be going through packs and packs and travel packs of tissues. And some of this was when we still had to wear masks. I was like, I'm a disaster under here. I have tampons up my nose under this mask. I could not plug my nose.

Speaker 2:
[07:43] Just like a factory.

Speaker 1:
[07:44] But that throat feeling, I remember having that in Atlanta this one time. And again, I did all the tests, nothing. This is pre-COVID. It wasn't the flu. It wasn't strapped. I was crying in the parking lot of an urgent care. I barely could get myself there. I remember a doctor I knew at the time, they wouldn't give me anything other than like 800 milligram ibuprofen. And I could not function. I had a doctor call me on some hydrocodone just for pain relief.

Speaker 2:
[08:10] I know.

Speaker 1:
[08:10] That's a cult. Shut up.

Speaker 2:
[08:11] The pain was so bad. I was like, I was so frustrated. Like I cannot make this pain go away. I couldn't even go to the airport because I was like, I can't be on a plane. This was so bad. I have to tell you though, I went seven days. Today is the first day I put on makeup. I have not had alcohol, coffee or makeup.

Speaker 1:
[08:29] Coffee.

Speaker 2:
[08:30] I've had no coffee since last Tuesday. No alcohol, no makeup. My body is like returned to the earth. I've been eating like a fucking, I don't know, like a football player. Oh, you've been eating. Nonstop. I can't stop.

Speaker 1:
[08:43] I just don't know where this was going. Are you feeling healthy or not? I don't know where we're going.

Speaker 2:
[08:47] I don't feel healthy. I just don't feel like shit.

Speaker 1:
[08:50] So what I did was I didn't drink, didn't have coffee, didn't put makeup on, but I made up for it in calories.

Speaker 2:
[08:55] All I did was eat. I have no joy in my life. It's just like, all I can do is eat. I ordered a salica every night in New York, just because it's just beige carbs. Pasta, latkes, matzo ball soup. The other day I went and got food and I drove, I circled back around and went to Levain and got two cookies. Whoa, Levain.

Speaker 1:
[09:11] I feel like this is a little bit of a hot take because people talk about when you get the flu, let's just say you're the flu because obviously you had some strain of something. Like how much weight did you lose? What? No, the food is what's bringing me joy. I think about when Shashank and I had the flu last year, and there were some days where I just couldn't move and I didn't eat a lot. But once we returned to a state of we could eat, we weren't cooking, we didn't have the energy to cook. We were ordering the always pastas and just-

Speaker 2:
[09:38] Treat yourself.

Speaker 1:
[09:39] Yeah, treat yourself. We need a hit. We need a dopamine hit in this house.

Speaker 2:
[09:43] Just eat whatever you want as much as you want.

Speaker 1:
[09:46] That's so funny. We look great.

Speaker 2:
[09:47] Really? I feel great. I mean, I feel like I look great, but I do not feel great.

Speaker 1:
[09:52] I do not know what you're saying.

Speaker 2:
[09:54] I'm still a little foggy. And we had this whole conversation and you were like, are you?

Speaker 1:
[09:59] Okay.

Speaker 2:
[09:59] Well, I'm sorry that I canceled on you guys. You guys know that me and Ashley would literally never-

Speaker 1:
[10:03] And after what I did to bring you to Salt Lake, you canceled. Feels personal. Ashley made me go here.

Speaker 2:
[10:09] I wanted to go there so bad.

Speaker 1:
[10:11] You guys were kidding Rayna. She doesn't like when I say this.

Speaker 2:
[10:13] But I mean, what a time to be in Salt Lake. I feel like Chase is so hot right now. Is Chase even going to matter in July?

Speaker 1:
[10:20] No, Chase is so upset you canceled the show.

Speaker 2:
[10:23] I have all these jokes about the stool on stage and Taylor, Frankie, Paul.

Speaker 1:
[10:26] Oh no, the stool joke.

Speaker 2:
[10:28] I've been really enjoying them. I can't do it in Salt Lake. I got to wait till July.

Speaker 1:
[10:32] Something else will transpire.

Speaker 2:
[10:34] I really hope you guys are still causing drama there in July.

Speaker 1:
[10:37] Well, yes, we were in New York all last week and I had mentioned that I was looking at some homes to buy. Did I, or was I being cagey? I don't know. It's not a secret. I'm just, you know, I don't know what I'm doing, but.

Speaker 2:
[10:48] She doesn't want to commit out loud that she's going to move.

Speaker 1:
[10:51] We're not committed. No one knows, even me.

Speaker 2:
[10:55] It's more of more than I know. She's shocked we can tell him later, but I need to know. We can tell him later. We'll tell him where he's living in a matter of days, but.

Speaker 1:
[11:05] So I've said this before. I cannot imagine moving again to a temporary home. Like we have a large-ish house here in LA. It is packed to the walls, the garage, the basement. Like we have so much stuff. This is two grownups and all of their things. This is not a hot take, but I was like, we cannot do that move. There is nothing more intense than a fully across the country move of all your things and downsizing from a house to an apartment. I mean, it sends a chill down my spine to think about and the cost alone of the move.

Speaker 2:
[11:33] So I'm selling everything.

Speaker 1:
[11:34] Five, 10 grand. I mean, it's just so crazy. So yeah, and you can do that too, but we have nice things. Like I want to bring our stuff.

Speaker 2:
[11:39] Also, there's two of you.

Speaker 1:
[11:40] Yeah. So I was like, I want to buy in New York. And I went around and saw what was out there. And that is, it's a humbling experience no matter what. I have a healthy budget. I was looking at decent places, but it still doesn't matter. It's still like, how could I live like this? Like, it doesn't matter what your two, three million, five million. Like you're still like, it's small for that price tag. And you have to really reconcile that. So buying in New York, it's just, it's a different animal altogether. It's not like, well, buy it and you can sell it. Yeah, of course you could always buy and sell, but you're really supposed to live somewhere for five years to have it be even worth your investment. We hear that time and time again, the taxes, the property tax, all the things. It's so different than any other city. This is not how it takes the most expensive city to live in the world. So I went around and I saw places I liked and I still couldn't come to terms with like pulling the trigger on something on my forever home price and not having lived there. I had this thing in my head of like, I've lived there. I know what to expect, but I'm not living in the same neighborhood and I have not lived there, which Shoshankis never lived there. And so I do feel like I've come to this conclusion. I had a long breakfast coffee with Kelly and she was like, should you just like rent? And I'm like, no, I'm not doing it. This is the thing I don't want to do. And now I come to the conclusion that we probably just do need to rent. Just because that living nightmare of a move that I'm talking about will still be better than regretting buying something.

Speaker 2:
[13:00] Let me tell you, the regret in my body, I can't just get up and go. It sucks.

Speaker 1:
[13:08] Yeah, it's a commitment.

Speaker 2:
[13:09] And I love my house and I'm proud of it. And I renovated it. It's the most beautiful thing. It's the thing I'm the most proud of. Every day I walk around and I'm like, I can't believe I get to live here. But like, I don't want to live there anymore.

Speaker 1:
[13:19] I know.

Speaker 2:
[13:19] I made a mistake.

Speaker 1:
[13:20] I know, and I do be changing my mind. We talk about this all the time. And so I do think if we move back, we will rent. And then after a year or whatever, we will know of, do we even really want to be in this neighborhood or in the city or what we want to do? We've never lived there together and what we really do need in terms of space and what works best for Azul. So that's just where I'm at. Just wanted to keep you guys updated. But man, it's just, it's crazy. People don't own in New York. We don't have any friends. I mean, I don't know anybody. All our friends are married. They're in their 30s, 40s. Some of them have kids or having kids. Everybody rents. Again, the coldest take, but it's just you even ask people, would you buy? And they're like, no.

Speaker 2:
[14:02] It's just, I don't know. The amount of money you have to put down to live in New York, I don't know, to buy something, it's not worth it to me. I'd rather buy a house outside of New York and rent in New York.

Speaker 1:
[14:11] Yeah, I know, but it just feels like if that is where we're going to live, that's where I should buy the thing.

Speaker 2:
[14:17] People are always like rent versus buy, and it's like, you're just lighting your money on fire. You're not lighting it on fire. You've got to live in that place for a month.

Speaker 1:
[14:24] You get to pay to live. And someone else takes care of stuff. Being in these homes, and there's this great realtor named Jason, and you know him, and we have a lot of mutual friends. He's a more erroneous friend. But even him asking the selling agent, like, are there any assessments on the place? What immediately unexpected cost could you get hit with? It's just, it's interesting. We saw six places total, two in Manhattan, which I actually don't really think is for me. I think I do want to be in Williamsburg, and four in Williamsburg. And it's very funny the houses that you see that people are currently living in, that have kids, because there's just kid shit everywhere. And it's hard to picture our adult life with-

Speaker 2:
[15:02] In New York.

Speaker 1:
[15:04] In a tight space. People that have children in New York, and they're just the stuff. I'm like, there's not enough space for me and my husband. And there's kid stuff. This one, Rayna, there's this beautiful counter, like the gorgeous Kitchen Island counter, whatever. And I'm thinking, you might not even need a dining table in here, because the counter is so wide, and it would be so great to eat at. And they have no stools, because under the counter, placed under it, is the kid's kitchen. Like the play kitchen. Like, you know how I bought Jay and Erin a kitchen, but it's in their play room. The kitchen's under there, in their kitchen. Their kitchen's in their kitchen. The kid's kitchen's in-

Speaker 2:
[15:40] They don't get to use the countertop, because the kid's stuff is under it.

Speaker 1:
[15:45] The kid's kitchen is in their kitchen. Are you hearing me?

Speaker 2:
[15:47] Guys, I'm not strong enough to be a parent. I'm not. I have to forfeit my kitchen island. Parents are so strong.

Speaker 1:
[15:53] Right next to that, basketball hoop. And my nephews have all this stuff too, but my brother lives in this big house. It's just crazy because I really am such a supporter of a bunch of toys and stuff. Some people are like, they want to be more minimalist, and they don't want their kids to take over their house. I think there's a consumerism aspect of it too, but your kid should have books and play things in basketball hoops and play kitchens and all the things, but when you have them all in your 1,100, 1,200 square foot apartment, it's wild to see, and I don't see it a lot. And this is the cleaned up version because people are touring the home. What does this look like midday?

Speaker 2:
[16:29] I'm not strong enough to be a parent in New York City. I could never do it. How could people do it?

Speaker 1:
[16:34] Mad respect, but that play kitchen under the, the kitchen in the kitchen?

Speaker 2:
[16:38] I mean, you just got to get in where you fit in. Where else are you going to put it? But I couldn't have kids. I was hit with this also earlier this week because our friend Jeremy's mom texted me. It was like, I heard you were sick. It was so sweet. And she told me, she was like, I used to travel a lot, but of course, when I had kids, I couldn't get this sick. I didn't have a choice. And I was like, oh, right. I could be this sick with kids to take care of. I was only responsible for me. I was in a living hell. I could respond to you when I felt like it and our friends when I felt like it. What if I had to get up and feed somebody?

Speaker 1:
[17:10] Well, you know what I feel obviously for any parent who was dealing with any sort of like illness, like chronic illness or anything that's not healthy day to day. I mean, not everybody is A plus healthy, but when my mom was sick as a child, I remember these moments. I remember my mom come, I was so young and I remember her walking in the door and she had like a bladder infection or something. And she was like keeled over and like crying. And she just had to go straight up to her bedroom. And then I remember another time when she had mono and she just had to like be sleeping in the guest room for like days on end. For me, it felt like weeks because you're a kid in time, you know, but it was probably not probably a week or so and like, I remember them so vividly because your parent can't take care of you. Like I remember my mom being sick as like core memories.

Speaker 2:
[17:50] It really like hits me like just how strong moms are.

Speaker 1:
[17:53] I know, I know.

Speaker 2:
[17:54] I don't know how you get up. All I had to do was think about me and how I was getting it through the day. But like that's not an option when you're a parent.

Speaker 1:
[18:02] Pregnant women are having nausea every day and going to work.

Speaker 2:
[18:05] It's crazy to me. I have a stomach ache.

Speaker 1:
[18:07] We can't report if I have a stomach ache.

Speaker 2:
[18:09] That's not happening.

Speaker 1:
[18:11] We better push it.

Speaker 2:
[18:12] I mean, if it's raining out, we should talk about it for an hour before we can even go anywhere.

Speaker 1:
[18:17] Fucking wind, I can't. Well, it's very funny who checks on you. You were very sick.

Speaker 2:
[18:22] Everybody checked on me.

Speaker 1:
[18:24] I had these dumb things happen in New York. So my Uber did hit, I didn't get an accident, but my Uber hit this G-Wagon and it was just a bump. And I get on my Instagram, talk about it. I'm not doing it in a sympathetic way. I'm like laughing about it. I don't know where to get out of the car or not. They're yelling at each other or whatever. And then people are like, are you okay? Are you okay? I appreciate it. But like, I thought I was being like funny about it. I'm in the car fine. Like I don't, my neck doesn't hurt. Like, and then I had joked about like slamming my finger in this bathroom door. And then I got in that, this was a little more serious. I got in the airplane and they gave me an ice pack.

Speaker 2:
[18:56] Did make it seem serious. Yeah. Did I? I felt like it was serious.

Speaker 1:
[18:59] I thought maybe my finger was broken and the main reason why I wanted to make this post on my Instagram was to jokingly, like thank the Delta flight attendants who I said acted like first responders on the scene. Like they act like this happens every day. I asked for a cup of ice and they were like, no, we need to put ice in a bag. Let's double bag it. And then do you need to band-aid this? They were ready and it's fine. It's just like bruised, but I thought it might've been broken because the pain was like shooting through my body, but it's just funny. And I'm like, I don't even know if I want to post this stuff because I don't need to be checked in on. My mother-in-law, do you need to go to the ER? After the Uber crash.

Speaker 2:
[19:31] Thank you for bringing this up. I feel like I don't care when other people get sick. I just, I don't, really sick, I care, but like you check in with me every morning. You take being sick very seriously. Like every morning, what's the status update? Emily every morning, Melanie every morning, Megan, I'm worried about you. How are you? I mean, all of our friends check in. If somebody hadn't even had a cold, they would never hear from me ever. I'm so different than this. You're the only person I would check on, but my life is so tied to you. It's just so serious that you had to cancel work. I realize how much more, I say it all the time, I'm not that thoughtful. How thoughtful other people are. If somebody said to me, I have a cold, I'd be like, talk to me when you don't have a cold. Everybody around me was continuously checking in.

Speaker 1:
[20:18] It's Rayna. It makes me, again, so thankful for the people that care about me in my life, literally. We are really grateful for everybody that is going to check in on anything, but it's very funny.

Speaker 2:
[20:28] It's like, your finger, how's your finger? Okay, your finger I took really seriously, but if somebody told me they had a cold or even the flu, I wouldn't really take it that seriously.

Speaker 1:
[20:37] The flu is so serious. Oh my God, we both almost did not survive it. I just hope you don't get it. I get it every eight years.

Speaker 2:
[20:47] I think I got the flu shot.

Speaker 1:
[20:48] I really feel it every time I see a comedian having to cancel tour dates for being sick. It sucks. It's like, A, your livelihood, but people have bought tickets, and it's short notice. The few times we've had to cancel shows, we really want to give people a long runway, and we hate to upset or inconvenience anybody, especially people who have made plans, but it sucks when it's the day of. You're like, this is not happening tonight.

Speaker 2:
[21:13] I even saw, could I have Matt do 45 and I'll do 30?

Speaker 1:
[21:17] Oh, like still go. I thought you meant, like, could you send him in your place? You make me go, that would be fine.

Speaker 2:
[21:28] People would actually have a good time.

Speaker 1:
[21:29] Some people wouldn't like it. They like you more than me, whatever, but it would be okay.

Speaker 2:
[21:35] People would be so excited to you.

Speaker 1:
[21:38] I'm here, so like I was the one that wanted to come here anyway. What a funny surprise.

Speaker 2:
[21:45] I really thought, like, could I have him do this? But I was like, I don't think that's the experience. People didn't pay for that experience.

Speaker 1:
[21:50] Yeah, that's fair. Okay, so just one more thing. We wanted to mention, we're having a big sale for Vibes Only. If you guys are new here, we have a sexual wellness company. We sell the best, most high quality, elite vibrators and accoutrement for the bedroom, like lube and this amazing, intimate moisturizing oil and blow gel, one of our top sellers in different flavors. That's for, of course, oral sex for anybody. And we are having a really big sale. I mean, 420, great time to get high and masturbate, obviously.

Speaker 2:
[22:18] The best orgasms I have ever had in my entire life is when I am stoned and masturbating. Never have a better orgasm in your life.

Speaker 1:
[22:25] Whether you smoke or not, treat yourself. So, some of these really incredible items are up to 40% off. So, these vibrators include the Poppy, which is this hand-held, ergonomic, has a finger loop to hold it. We're obsessed with it, like one of our faves. The Scarlett, I'll let Rayna take the Scarlett. The Lucy Love Kit and the Lucy 2, these are bullet vibrators with three different silicone sleeves, so you really get four vibrators in one. The Farah, which is a finger vibe, which is great for partner play. And the Debbie, and then we are going to have 30% off the peppermint blow gel. The Play Pillow, the sex pillow, that'll totally change the game. And our clean up towels. And then still we have nipple clamps as a gift with purchase for all orders over $150. Okay, so if Rayna wants to jump in on the Scarlett and the Debbie.

Speaker 2:
[23:12] Just the one.

Speaker 1:
[23:13] You love the suckers.

Speaker 2:
[23:14] Yeah, my favorite vibrators are the Airpulse vibrators. So the Scarlett is small, it's hand held, it's great for travel. And then the Debbie is a little bit larger of an Airpulse suction vibrator. The hole is just bigger. I mean, it will send you into orbit.

Speaker 1:
[23:26] Yeah, they're both so good.

Speaker 2:
[23:28] All these are great also for solo or partner play. The packaging is so beautiful. If you want to gift it to somebody, it just gives you to yourself, honestly. Just the best orgasms. They're classy. Have a classy orgasm on 420.

Speaker 1:
[23:40] Yes. So some stuff will stay on sale, but in terms of everything we mentioned, just get it while it's hot, 24 hour sale.

Speaker 2:
[23:48] Yeah. And if you guys forgot any of this, it is on the website. If you want to sign up for our email list, you can sign up at vibesonly.com and you'll get those emails with the discounts, but just go to our website, vibesonly.com. Buy yourself the gift of orgasms, the most beautiful, high-end sexy vibrators that you guys could ever put in or on your body.

Speaker 1:
[24:04] So this will be today only. This will end at midnight Pacific time of 420. And some of the stuff will stay on sale, but if you want to get all those things we just mentioned, shop today on 420 if you are listening. And the one I brought to New York, I was obviously bringing a vibrator, I brought the Lucy Love Kit, The Heart. So there's these three amazing sleeves one is for nipple play and one's like a lipstick shape and then the heart is the biggest one and it's this red heart, you just slide it on the bullet and it just has that textured pad, it just feels like so good on your body. I just love it. Our toys are the best.

Speaker 2:
[24:41] I actually have been traveling with the Farah, it's this finger vibe, you slip on your finger, it's the laziest orgasm you could ever have. You literally just slide it on your next finger and just press it against yourself. Sometimes I stick it inside myself a little bit.

Speaker 1:
[24:53] You can do that, just make sure you don't lose it in there.

Speaker 2:
[24:55] If you partner likes to watch you masturbate, it's a fun thing to put on a show with, it won't emasculate some dumb man that's like, that's bigger than me. It's not, well, I hope it's not. It's just like tiny.

Speaker 1:
[25:05] But if it is, you need it even more. So get the Ashley Maxx if it is. Okay, so vibesonly.com, you guys shop the 420 sale. Okay, let's just take a quick break and then we will get into the topic. I am telling you guys about Lola Blankets. Oh my God, Rayna, I feel like we've not talked about them in a while because they've probably been sold out. They are such a hot commodity. I was getting these for people for Christmas and I think I was buying whatever I could to gift to people.

Speaker 2:
[25:33] They're so soft and they look so chic.

Speaker 1:
[25:36] Oh my gosh, these are the best blankets. This is a status symbol. They're affordable, but I do feel like you know you go to someone's house, they have this blanket.

Speaker 2:
[25:47] They're really soft, they look great. They're draped over the end of your bed or draped over a couch. They just look so nice and they're so soft and they come in a ton of different colors.

Speaker 1:
[25:55] So any occasions you guys have coming up, I mean Mother's Day, it's just the perfect gift for anybody. I've gotten these for so many people. I did get my mom one for Christmas. I got one for Lindsay and Buck, my cousin and her husband for Christmas, and everybody is obsessed. If they don't know about it and you gift it to them, they're like, what is this? How can this just be so soft and comfy? So Mother's Day, again, it is about celebrating mom. It's the best gift for her, cozy, luxurious, thoughtful. We absolutely love it. So Lola is known for its life-changing softness that is the world's number-one blanket, crafted with ultra-soft faux fur and a signature therapeutic four-way stretch. So it is machine washable, double hemmed, built to last for years, and they look incredible. I mean, we have the antique ivory color, and we have like a darker color couch, so it looks really nice. I mean, we love the beiges. There's patterns. They have camo ones now, animal print, whatever you guys are into. You can really make a statement. And they're just so great for gifting, your home aesthetic, 20,000 five-star reviews. Everybody's just obsessed. Again, there's a reason why it's called the world's number one blanket. So the size is two. I have a large, the XL is massive. I recommend it. Don't get it twisted. But I think I have a large, we do. And then I got my mom like a medium.

Speaker 2:
[27:04] I got that XL.

Speaker 1:
[27:05] You got the XL?

Speaker 2:
[27:05] I just, I like to, I have blankets around my living room. I just like to keep it open.

Speaker 1:
[27:08] That's a flex. They also make a weighted blanket if you want that. And there's matching pillows, which are incredible. You can do bundling too. So for a limited time, our listeners can get 40% off. Select Lola Blankets products with code girls gotta eat at checkout, just head to lolablankets.com and use code girls gotta eat. After you purchase, they'll ask where you heard about them. Please support our show and let them know we sent you this Mother's Day Wrap Mom and the everyday luxury of Lola Blankets.

Speaker 2:
[27:32] So as somebody who really travels a lot, two people who travel a lot, I think it can be really hard to eat healthy. And especially when I land back in LA, like if I first thought is like, what am I going to eat? How am I going to stock my fridge for the week? It's really important to me to just immediately figure out how am I going to feed myself something that's really good for me, like high protein and healthy, and like it's going to fuel me for the week. And I find myself spending too much time just driving like three different grocery stores when I land. So I'm going to tell you guys about Hungry Root and why I love it. They plan your meals for the week, they fill your cart, and they deliver everything you need right to your door and eat healthy every single day. So literally I could like place this order while I'm out of town, it'll be there when I get there. And they take into account all of your health goals, your dietary preferences and your budget also to curate a custom delivery each week. So you take like a little quiz, they take into account literally everything. Are you cooking for kids? Are you dieting in a certain way? Do you have dietary restrictions? I love that they can also help you with budgeting. And then they put together a grocery list for you. They learn sort of your tastes and dietary needs, and they'll tailor all the deliveries according to what you need. 100 offers over 50,000 chef crafts and recipes, and a lot of them are ready in 15 minutes. So they're going to build out the carts. You have everything you need to make these meals. And Ashley and I have used it to make tacos and burgers and pastas, breakfast items, even snacks, just tons of stuff you have in your house. And they make sure that everything is organic produce, non-GMO options, no hormones or antibiotics. It's really just great. You should go peruse what they have. You'll really find a lot of things that you'll like, lots to choose from, tons of variety. And you're going to love Hungry Root, but as much as we do, for a limited time, get 40% off your first order. Plus get a free item in every box for life. Go to hungryroot.com/gge and use code gge. That's hungryroot.com/gge. Code gge to get 40% off your first box and a free item of your choice for life.

Speaker 1:
[29:15] OK, so we are talking about breakups today, which will get into all the intel and info we crowdsourced from our audience and our own feelings and stuff. But we want to talk about this book that we are reading along with the rest of the world, which is Strangers by Belle Burden.

Speaker 2:
[29:32] You told me you were reading this, and you were like, everybody's reading this, and I'd never heard of it. And it's like one of those things that somebody mentions it, and you're like, oh, this is everywhere. I immediately saw it on like four different of our friends' Instagram stories. This book is truly everywhere.

Speaker 1:
[29:45] So shout out to our audience. I saw comments on Spotify after we did the episode, I Love My Husband Who Hates Me, and they were like, you have to read this book. And they're like, Tynx was talking about it. Like people were just like, Oprah, but you know, this is hot right now, and you have to read it. And I literally was like, I will buy it today. Like you guys just know, I mean, for you guys to comment that under this episode, like you got to read this book, I was like, I absolutely will read this book.

Speaker 2:
[30:11] And we are going to give some spoilers. I will summarize what the book is, but further down, spoilers. In summary, it's a memoir of a woman who's in New York City married to this man for 21, 22 years. They have three kids, the pandemic hits. And basically within a week of the shutdown, she finds out that he's having an affair and he leaves her. And that's sort of that. She doesn't really get an explanation from him other than I'm just not happy and this is sort of the end of things. And this is her trying to pick up the pieces essentially. And she takes you through the whole journey. It's really personal and moving and sad and heartbreaking. And you are just sort of waiting like this really important conversation that she's going to have with him.

Speaker 1:
[30:47] I haven't finished it.

Speaker 2:
[30:48] I'm not going to go with it.

Speaker 1:
[30:49] Okay. But I like, I don't even want like a mild spoiler.

Speaker 2:
[30:52] I'm not going to give you a mild spoiler.

Speaker 1:
[30:52] Okay, okay. Because my mom almost did this. I was like, stop talking.

Speaker 2:
[30:54] I love spoilers. But it's just, it's the journey to that. And she's a lawyer. She does pro bono work for immigration law, which is really wonderful, but not was not a writer. And she wrote this book post divorce and post her husband leaving her. And it is just a true story. And it's really interesting. This just gut wrenching story about somebody who truly just walks in the door one day and leaves you.

Speaker 1:
[31:14] Yeah. And that's the very beginning. So that's not that's what the book's about. It says that on the jacket that he has this affair, but it's he like apologizes for the bear. And then she's like, okay, we're going to get through this. And it's like day one of the pandemic quarantine. And then he just leaves her and he turns into a different person. He becomes really cold. He doesn't want custody. You know, when she's like, what in the and she opens a book and she's like, this is my story is true as I know it. And she's changed names of him, but not her and her family. She's kind of a famous family. We'll talk about this. And there's parts in the book where you can tell she's trying to be like, was this a sign? Should I have clocked this more?

Speaker 2:
[31:50] What we all do is we mine the past for all these clues that we missed. And you know, should I have figured this out? I mean, what he does to her is so sick. I mean, not only do they have children together, they've been together for 20 plus years to leave somebody with no explanation, with no real conversation, no real information about why, why you're leaving. Other than, I had an affair, I'm not happy, I'm leaving. No other conversation is so sick. It's so unbelievably horrible and unfair.

Speaker 1:
[32:18] Yeah. And people eventually tell her that, like, this is not normal. And, you know, I'm only halfway through the book, and it's not because I literally cannot put it down. It's just the amount of time that I've had to read it. But she tells the breakup and then she goes back and shares their whole relationship. So you're just like, how do we get here? And then we come back to present day. And that's kind of where I am. But I love this quote and I clocked it when I read it. And I saw this on her Instagram and it says, wouldn't your own story look different if you knew how it was going to end? You know, like if they never broke up, she wouldn't be looking back at these things that he did that were signs. But now she has to reflect on them and be like, could I have figured this out? One, I posted this on my Instagram story that I thought was the sign is that he didn't want to have dancing at their wedding. It says he insisted we didn't have dancing and I conceded and I regretted it. No dance. What are you talking about? Like they made sure to set the wedding up so there was no dancing. Like a dinner party and there's little things too. But again, you're like, you're not thinking about it in the moment because the rest of the story is he's a great partner and father and he was the breadwinner, but she had all the family money and the trusts. And I mean, there's this whole prenup theme of the book. And I'm not quite at the part where I like see what goes down. I'm in the edge of my fucking seat because you're reading this book about her buying homes with her trust funds, but he had changed the prenup. So everything that was in their individual names is not split up. But if you know, you know, but I'm like screaming reading this book. Like, oh my fucking God.

Speaker 2:
[33:47] I just think we all do this to ourselves after a breakup. We just beat ourselves up. Like, were there signs? Were there clues? Why didn't I see them? Why didn't I do more state of the unions about my relationship? And I think that nobody's expected to be an archeologist of their relationship at all times, at a Sherlock Holmes of what's going on. And it's not fair to hold yourself to the standard of like every day I have to check in and be like, are you happy? Are you sure you're happy, but are you sure you're not? You know, it's- Yeah, of course. But we all do this to ourselves. And I think it was also a little generational. She talks a lot about people kind of like making a lot of excuses for him and saying it's okay that he did what he did and kind of letting it go. You should let it go. And it feels very generational. I think she's 55 at the time of writing the book.

Speaker 1:
[34:27] But she talks about the women in her life and the infidelity that her grandmother famously may have experienced. Her grandmother was this fashion icon, Babe Paley.

Speaker 2:
[34:38] If you guys watched the show about Truman Capote on FX that came out last year, she is depicted in it.

Speaker 1:
[34:44] They were friends, but then he sort of betrayed her when he said that her husband had cheated on her. Her husband was an actor. And then her mom, she's just like, was I always destined to be cheated on, essentially? And he had a situation where his dad just up and left the family. And you're kind of like, oh, some of this stuff, it could have been the writing was on the wall. But to your point, also, marriage is ebb and flow. Maybe you are going through a rocky patch, but he's still showing up for me, and he's showing it for the kids. And we have a good thing going. And so it's fascinating to read. She's an incredible writer. And I love that she did this. And I obviously can't put it down. And you finish it in full. And I feel bad that I'm not letting you speak on your full thoughts.

Speaker 2:
[35:22] Oh, no, it's fine.

Speaker 1:
[35:23] You are.

Speaker 2:
[35:24] And I think that the feedback on the book has been really interesting, and it was really meaningful to me because people have been sort of split down the middle of like, some people are very sympathetic to her and have obviously written to her and told her story and said, You changed my life and thank you for creating community around this. And this happened to me and it really made me feel emotional about what people say to us about our show and that sharing these really painful moments will change other people's lives and will normalize what they're going through and normalize their pain. And a lot of other people pushed back on her and had a lot of really negative feedback about, look at all the money you have. This stuff happens. You know, you sound bitter. A good mom wouldn't write this stuff about somebody's father. I mean, there's been a lot of positive, probably overwhelmingly positive feedback, but a lot of negative feedback also. And it just reminded me that no matter what you put out into the world, some people will love it and some people will have a problem with it. And that doesn't mean you shouldn't share your truth.

Speaker 1:
[36:17] Okay.

Speaker 2:
[36:17] It's really brave.

Speaker 1:
[36:19] I see what you're saying. Yes. And as I'm reading the book, I actually had that thought. Some people will not find her to be a sympathetic character because she's rich. And she has this generationally wealthy family, fame mixed in there too. And so you're reading this and you're reading about the apartments and the houses and the education and the family members and all the wealth. And you're like, I can't relate or sympathize. And I'm not saying that's how I felt. I'm fascinated by it. I'm looking up everybody that I can look. I was like, I got some pictures of her grandmother, chapter one. I'm so into the true story of it all and who these characters are. But I see your point, which is like, that's just a projection. These are still human beings and you're read it or don't. But I do see why people would say that.

Speaker 2:
[37:03] People were like, marriage is end. What do you want? You have all this money and like, this is a gross thing to do to somebody's father. And I just, I found it really fascinating that people truly just see your experiences only from the lens of which they come through and the trauma that they've experienced. And yes, I understand that somebody that has no money, whose husband left them reads this and is like, how dare you? But she says over and over and over again, I'm not asking for sympathy.

Speaker 1:
[37:27] I know that I- This is just my story.

Speaker 2:
[37:28] This is just my story. But it just, it reminds me to just always be honest to my own truth too and just speak what I think and feel. It's not going to be for everybody. And that's okay.

Speaker 1:
[37:36] Yes.

Speaker 2:
[37:36] There's going to be plenty of people that don't fuck with you.

Speaker 1:
[37:39] Yeah. And I don't know, maybe this is, you tell me, but it feels as though this is something her children would have wanted her to do. She seems like a great mom. But it seems like if she sat the daughters down and asked, I'm going to do this, how do you feel about it? They would be like, let it rip.

Speaker 2:
[37:56] Every child's different. Every child's temperament is different. And every person's relationship to privacy is different. So some people would look at their parents and say like, this is brave and strong. And I love that you didn't silently go away.

Speaker 1:
[38:07] Yep.

Speaker 2:
[38:08] Other people would say, what did you need to do this for?

Speaker 1:
[38:10] Well, does it come up? You can tell me. Yeah.

Speaker 2:
[38:12] She talks about it.

Speaker 1:
[38:13] Okay. Thank you for protecting me. I love not knowing what's going to happen. Obviously we know they got divorced.

Speaker 2:
[38:19] I was laying there crying, listening to her talk about people messaging her saying like, this changed my life. Thank you for putting words to my own pain. And it really just reminded me like that you and I sharing our stories like does touch people. And every time you guys email us and say like, I see myself in your stories, like that's what makes me want to do this podcast forever.

Speaker 1:
[38:37] I totally agree. We love you guys and thanks for the book rec. But also, I don't know, isn't it kind of, I don't know. There's some people that will never be happy, because don't you want to read about rich people that you think have no problems and they have fucking problems? You know, like pain is pain, heartbreak is heartbreak. And of course, money makes everything a lot easier. It makes managing all those things easier. But it's like, you think it's the same people that'll be like, oh, rich people problems that also want to know rich people have problems.

Speaker 2:
[39:06] Yes.

Speaker 1:
[39:07] So, I mean.

Speaker 2:
[39:07] Some people just like to have a problem with everything, a hot take or something. If you don't like it, don't read it. If you don't agree with this, don't fuck with it. I don't know.

Speaker 1:
[39:15] Yeah. So anyway, I don't think there's anyone that wouldn't enjoy this book. I mean, I told my mom about it and my mom was like, oh, I'm done. You know, she blew through it in a day. Like, everyone is obsessed with this book, but I don't want it to be. Oh, I already know I'm going to be sad when it's over. Like, it's all I think about.

Speaker 2:
[39:32] It's the first book I finished this year.

Speaker 1:
[39:35] We were joking because some people have messaged me like, oh, Ashley, you're the reader now. Like, I was illiterate before.

Speaker 2:
[39:40] You were the original reader also. I discovered reading like three years ago.

Speaker 1:
[39:46] Yeah. So, all right. Well, that just kind of leads us into the conversation. I mean, very different things. Like, today's a lighter conversation about breakups, and we've done so many breakup episodes. I mean, we will have Amy Chan next week talking about dating, not about breakups, but Amy's breakup episode is goaded, and that we re-released it on August 31st, 2025, if you guys, or you can scroll back to the original if you want, which was 2019 or 2020. But we re-released that recently. We did an episode, Rayna, So You Got Blindsided in September 2018. I thought it was fresher than that, because we'll talk about being blindsided today, but we have a lot of content out there. This is a little lighter about the best place and way to break up. And I forget how I got this idea. I think I saw something where I was like, what a diabolical place to take someone to break up. And I was like, I want to talk about this.

Speaker 2:
[40:39] We polled you guys about how you'd want to get broken up with when, where. The responses are so funny, and nobody doesn't have a traumatic breakup story or 10.

Speaker 1:
[40:51] Yeah.

Speaker 2:
[40:51] One of the things I asked is, just high level, is there a right way to break up with somebody? Our audience responded pretty much overwhelmingly with, there's not a great way, but there's a wrong way. Every single person was like, yeah, you can do it with respect and dignity and honesty, or you could do it all these other ways. I am so baffled by people. That book is the top level of, you've been with somebody for 20 years, you need to honor this commitment, you need to honor what went on between the two of you. But if you and I have been together for five months, you should honor the fact that we've gotten to know each other, we've been inside of each other, I guess. We shared things, we had intimate moments, I showed you a part of me other people don't get to see and I'd like some respect in the ending of this. It's fine to end a relationship, sometimes you're not my person, we're not going to be together forever, that's fine, I find to feel like that.

Speaker 1:
[41:44] Yeah, breakups are so telling about how people choose to do them and if they've considered you, if someone breaks up with you that you've had a significant relationship with completely thoughtlessly, you have dodged a bullet and if they ghost you and don't break up with you at all, those are the worst people. So at least the people we're talking about today aren't the worst. There's nothing worse, there's nothing worse than leaving someone with no explanation, no closure, no nothing. And so when these things happen, I mean, it's so much easier said than done, especially in the moment of saying you're better off, you dodged a bullet, but if someone really breaks off your relationship in such a thoughtless, careless way, you really, that was not your person.

Speaker 2:
[42:25] I just, I can't imagine a scenario where somebody is begging and pleading with me to just give them an explanation and just not doing it. Like I understand that a lot of people were not giving the tools to do it and they don't understand how the conversation, you just have to have it. It is so sick and unfair that somebody, you could just ease their pain a little bit and you just are refusing to.

Speaker 1:
[42:48] A complete refusal. And I know that some people have been in situations of trying to break up with somebody and they won't let them and they hound them and they badger them and they stalk them and this and that, but whatever, that's not everybody certainly and you can't put your trauma with someone onto the next person. But people who truly do nothing, like at the end of the day, like even if it is a text after a year, better than nothing, but still, bare minimum, I don't appreciate it.

Speaker 2:
[43:14] So the trauma that people experience, I mean, one of my girlfriends, truly her boyfriend of seven years came home from a work trip and was like, I'm not in love with you and I'm leaving you, and left. And like, I think they talked like a little bit, but like she never really got that type of conversation. It was like, I've been feeling X kind of way for X amount of time. And she was saying to me last night, and it's been three years since they broke up, four years. She said, I never got a text message to reopen this conversation. And I feel like other people get this and I'll just, what, I'll just never get this. Like it feels like this open wound, I'm never going to get to close. Like people truly don't recover from this.

Speaker 1:
[43:50] I know I was talking about a close friend of mine who was broken up with about a year ago, a little over a year ago, and they had been together for years. They were going to buy a house together. They were talking about having children and how they were going to do it with some like fertility struggles and really had gone through therapy. They'd done all the things. I mean, they were long-term committed couple planning and Mary talked about it. And he left her while she was with her family on a trip with a note. Moved his stuff out while she was out of town. I could cry. And then again, when she tried to speak to me, it was like a different person just completely cut off, shut off. And I was talking with a mutual friend of ours about it and was like, I'm so fucking mad at him because he could have broken up with her in a humane way. You know, like she would have been heartbroken. It would have been awful no matter what. But to do it in that way is so much more painful and so much more traumatizing. Like she, this has defined her life. And a year later, she's still working through it and she's dated. And it's not that she's still stuck there. But that, I don't know, the disrespect, the dismissiveness of this person you've been with for years that you love, that you thought you were going to spend the rest of your life with. Like just do it with some sort of care.

Speaker 2:
[45:09] And if this has happened to you, I don't even know you, there's nothing you could have done to provoke that type of behavior, it's so unkind and unfair. Yes, you will carry the wounds from a breakup for a long time, but not understanding a breakup, those wounds will last so much longer. Having all of your agency robbed from you.

Speaker 1:
[45:28] And some people, I don't know how to do it, I didn't know how, it was going to be too painful, I didn't know how to do it. Yeah, it's fucking hard, nobody knows how to do it. Ask anyone, ask AI, ask a chat bot how to break up, ask your sibling or your friend or any woman literally on the street. And they'll give you a better option than what you did. I'm sorry, it's so cowardly.

Speaker 2:
[45:49] It's crazy to me. They just saved themselves the discomfort of having to do this, because they couldn't look you in the face and watch your face crumble into crying. That's what you're afraid of. You'd rather create psychological issues for somebody for years to come.

Speaker 1:
[46:05] That you shared a life with.

Speaker 2:
[46:07] Insane.

Speaker 1:
[46:07] Insane, so we kicked it off with how to do it casually, and we asked you guys if you've been dating someone casually for a month or two, the ideal way to end things is, and 48% said over text is fine. 27% said they prefer a phone call over their text, and 25% said in person always. So 25% of people think no matter what, I want to talk in person, I disagree. Again, that's just my personal opinion. I do like the majority of people said a text is okay for a casual situation. I think a lot of these people don't want an in person or a phone call if it's been casual. They want a thoughtful text.

Speaker 2:
[46:44] A couple months, I do think that you can be, we divided between casual and committed. So those could be anything. Five months in, you could feel pretty committed to somebody. They've met your friends, your family, done holidays together. That's a different thing, but one to even three months, I don't mind a really well thought out, I'm not great in phone conversations, I'm a great person not having to handle this kind of thing, so I wrote you a text. I don't mind that.

Speaker 1:
[47:09] I mean, I was thinking more casual even on a few dates. Like, if we're committed in any way, I want more, at least a phone call, but I don't know that we need to sit down and do a big to do. But I just think like, it's casual, we're still feeling each other out. There is no exclusivity or commitment. Totally. Then text is fine.

Speaker 2:
[47:27] And I also like, in those situations, we always beat ourselves up. We feel embarrassed. You have nothing to feel embarrassed about, but you do feel like that. So sometimes I don't really want to be in front of somebody. You don't really know me that well, this person's making a judgment call on me, that I thought it was going well, they didn't think it was going well. Sometimes I just want to be able to digest the message and take a beat. This is not somebody I committed to being in a relationship with, so I do just want to take a minute.

Speaker 1:
[47:51] Yeah. And this is so nuanced and so person specific, all of this. Obviously you guys know that, like most topics. Everyone is so different with how they react to stuff, where they want to be. So just keep that in mind. Obviously this is just like, you know, our audience. And then, you know, next we said, if you're ending a committed relationship, 98% of you guys said it has to be in person and 2% said, I'll take a phone call. And that might be someone who's really shy or really reactive.

Speaker 2:
[48:19] I had to do a break up over Zoom.

Speaker 1:
[48:21] You would do one over Zoom?

Speaker 2:
[48:22] Yeah.

Speaker 1:
[48:22] Oh my God.

Speaker 2:
[48:23] We were long distance.

Speaker 1:
[48:24] Yeah.

Speaker 2:
[48:24] Well, he was...

Speaker 1:
[48:28] I forgot it was over Zoom. Is that the Zoom link?

Speaker 2:
[48:33] I felt really bad. And then you sort of just don't know like when to get off the Zoom.

Speaker 1:
[48:37] I know.

Speaker 2:
[48:37] You're just like, I'm going to close my computer now. Like, I didn't know what to do. I mean, a FaceTime is fine. A few months FaceTime.

Speaker 1:
[48:45] And also where are you located? I mean, long distance, long distance break up stuff. But our friend, one of our good friends, she was dating this guy. She lives in New York City and he was more in the suburbs, pretty far. He was coming in an hour to go on dates with her. And he was like, I need to know where you stand. She wants to move really slow for various reasons. I think he was finally like, it's been a long time. I need to know what's going on. I really like you. Yeah, can we at least spend the night together? And so she was going to tell him, they had a date planned and she was going to tell him, I've made my decision to not move forward basically. And I was like, but did you give him a heads up? Because if I came an hour, if I took multiple trains and she did, I forget what she said. She's a therapist, she did amazing, but she said something along the lines of not, it's not going to be good, but something along the lines of, oh, I think she offered, I'm happy to do this over the phone so you don't come all the way down here. If maybe like, it's not news you want to hear or something. He was like, no, I still want to do the dinner.

Speaker 2:
[49:45] He's like, I still have to eat.

Speaker 1:
[49:46] If I traveled to get dumped, Rayna, stop. If I went to a different borough in New York, if I went to West Hollywood from the West Side during rush hour, 90 minutes to get dumped, you better pay me.

Speaker 2:
[50:03] Okay, I broke up with somebody. I went down to DC to visit him. I went back to New York and broke up with him over the phone. I did not do it in DC.

Speaker 1:
[50:11] The end of a trip is like, that really does happen.

Speaker 2:
[50:13] We got a lot of those. And then remember that guy was dating from Denver. He was going to come to New York. And he sent me this whole long email about like, he was like, before I board the plane, I want to know like where you see these things going. And I don't know if this has like legs for a long time. And I was like, I can't tell you that.

Speaker 1:
[50:31] I was dating his friend and he was going to come to New York too. And I ended things, but what did I do? Called him.

Speaker 2:
[50:37] So he canceled. My guy canceled on me. Well, he basically was like, before I come there, I want to like... I do think he was trying to end things with me. But he was like, before I come there, I want to sit. Is this going anywhere before I keep traveling back and forth? I was like, I can't tell you this is going anywhere. I don't know. Just come here. So we canceled whatever. And then his friend was still going to come visit you.

Speaker 1:
[51:01] Yeah. And I was like, no, this was a double date. This was a double date relationship. Like this.

Speaker 2:
[51:06] Did you give him money for the plane ticket?

Speaker 1:
[51:08] Oh, my God. Stop. Yes. Why did you remind me? I did not know him. I felt that he said, do you think he made money on that? Do you think he actually could have got that? Was that before?

Speaker 2:
[51:24] It was like one hundred and sixty nine dollars. And you thought it was funny. So you like sent him sixty nine dollars. OK.

Speaker 1:
[51:29] This was before Covid, wasn't it?

Speaker 2:
[51:31] Yeah, this was the summer of twenty ninety.

Speaker 1:
[51:33] Yeah. So this was before airlines would just give you that refund. It was a real bitch. That's the best thing that came out of Covid was the airline flexibility cancellation policies changing forever.

Speaker 2:
[51:43] You sent him some money.

Speaker 1:
[51:44] Yeah, I sent him some money. And he was like so mad at his friend. He was like, it's his fault, isn't it? I was like, kind of. I mean, this wasn't going to be casual. Yeah. But he was so understanding. But yeah, I picked up the phone.

Speaker 2:
[51:59] I remember I was so nervous.

Speaker 1:
[52:01] I know.

Speaker 2:
[52:01] They worked at that summer camp together.

Speaker 1:
[52:03] Yeah. So yeah, I mean, you owe somebody in an in-person unless you really know that that's not if there's something going on where there's a better option for their like mental health or something, you know. So what if you're dating somebody and for a significant amount of time, you should know that. And then we asked where to do it.

Speaker 2:
[52:21] I'm really surprised by the results of this. So we asked, do you want it to be at their home, your home or a public place? And overwhelmingly 52% of people said, your home, meaning like my home, 28% their home and 20% of public place. My preference is at their place for two reasons. I don't want that. I really don't want the memory of it in my house. I just, I don't want to like look at my couch and be like, that's where I was like breaking down and crying. Like I'll go do that in my own time at my own house. And I want to be able to get up and leave when I want. I don't want to feel like it's not my decision when this ends. I don't want to have to ask you to get the fuck out. Like I want to be on my own terms. I get up, I leave.

Speaker 1:
[52:59] Again, I just hope it doesn't take a long time to get there and it wasn't a fucking hassle for me.

Speaker 2:
[53:03] Sure.

Speaker 1:
[53:04] I have some feelings on that. I mean, I do understand your home for I didn't have to lift a finger. You came over here and you left. And I think most people know to go. But I mean, I saw people said that. Like someone said, your home is sacred. I hated my bedroom after. And I think that's a totally normal personal preference. I mean, obviously if you feel that way too. I just think that we all go through the good, the bad and the ugly in our home. I think it's hard to avoid trauma in your home. You know, like I was, after Dewey died, like I was in the home, you know, you remember where this and that happened. Like, I don't think I'd ever look at my couch and be like, that's where I got dumped on the couch. But that some people do. And they feel differently. Like what I will say, if I lived somewhere with somebody that would be tough, you had that situation happen. You felt like you said you felt like you were in a coffin of your relationship. That's different. If you didn't live together, I don't think I would look at my home differently, but that's just me. Again, this is all personal preference.

Speaker 2:
[53:59] But also have I spent $40 in a round trip Uber to go over there and get broken up?

Speaker 1:
[54:03] I know. I mean, how close do you live? Like, yeah, did I get in the car to come get dumped? I mean, again, this is maybe a proximity thing and it's just personal preference.

Speaker 2:
[54:13] But 20% public place. So if you in this fantasy scenario, you get broken up with anywhere, 20% public place. So if you're cherry picking where you can get broken up with.

Speaker 1:
[54:26] So here's the thing I will say, everybody again, it's their own lens of their relationship. This is probably not what people are referring to, but a woman breaking up with a man who may be reactive or angry or you don't know how he's going to react. I mean, this, again, people could be viewing it through that lens, public place, breaking up with somebody who don't know how they're going to act. But I want to know how to move that. What are you talking? A park bench?

Speaker 2:
[54:50] I have had several breakups on a park bench in Washington Square Park. I have broken up with this.

Speaker 1:
[54:54] Busy park.

Speaker 2:
[54:55] That's just a lot to look at. A lot going on. One time I had dinner right up the street, and then we walked into Washington Square Park, and I was like, I can't be with this guy for one more minute. I cannot. And then he insisted on walking me home, and I was like, I don't want to explain this to you. I don't ever want to be anywhere near you ever again. What don't you understand about this? I made you pay for my dinner. I broke up with you at this park. I disrespected you so badly. Get away from me. And I was like, I don't need you to walk me home. I don't fight about it. I'm just trying to be respectful. And I was like, I don't want you to respect me. I don't want you to ever talk to me ever again. That's the point of this.

Speaker 1:
[55:30] I remember we were only casually dating, but we did end our relationship. He was walking me home from the stand and he was a comedian.

Speaker 2:
[55:39] And this is right before COVID.

Speaker 1:
[55:42] And I remember walking with him and him just doing the whole like, I don't know. I just really want to like focus on my career. And I said, nothing's going to be better for your core than dating me. I said, nothing's going to elevate your career like dating me. And he was like, that's hilarious. Can I use that?

Speaker 2:
[55:57] That aged well, honestly.

Speaker 1:
[55:59] But then we did try, I remember the whole weekend, he spent like thinking about it. And he was like, I actually was wrong.

Speaker 2:
[56:05] I would like to prioritize my career.

Speaker 1:
[56:08] He's like, can you do a sketch with me? He's like, I actually do want to take you up on that whole career thing. No, and then it was COVID. And we tried to do like one Zoom date. We actually went on an in-person date when we got back to the city.

Speaker 2:
[56:22] I remember.

Speaker 1:
[56:23] So walking, I like... He looks good. Does he?

Speaker 2:
[56:25] Yeah, I saw him this morning. He looks hot.

Speaker 1:
[56:27] I think he could have gotten hot.

Speaker 2:
[56:28] He had like a funny joke or two also.

Speaker 1:
[56:30] I'm proud of that one. Okay, so I like a walk. You don't really have to look at each other. Like walking and breaking up is not bad. But I wouldn't be like, do you want to go on a walk to break up? The worst thing is a restaurant breakup. Rayna, a restaurant breakup is insane because are you doing it at the beginning or the end of the dinner?

Speaker 2:
[56:49] Like who paid for the dinner? Did I sit here through this whole meal and you were auditioning to see if like you would break up with me? Do you know what I mean? Like everything I said and did at this dinner, you were like, I could break up with her at the end of this.

Speaker 1:
[56:59] Do we sit down and we have ordered our meal and then you break up with me and we have to eat the meal together. That's so crazy. I'm leaving. Like if you guys had this situation, please let us know. And then the end of the dinner, when the check comes, diabolical. We've sat here this whole time.

Speaker 2:
[57:15] We've sat here this whole time and also I didn't do anything at this dinner to make you change your mind. You didn't have a lovely time laughing at my jokes.

Speaker 1:
[57:21] Right. It's Elle Woods. Elle Woods and Warner is my image that I see immediately of breakup in the restaurant. I just need to be with someone more serious. Oh, she's like crying in the restaurant. Yeah.

Speaker 2:
[57:32] I just, that is also really unfair because you've put me in a physical place where like, I can't have a reaction that honors what's going on here, which is you're breaking up with me.

Speaker 1:
[57:42] That feels manipulative.

Speaker 2:
[57:43] Yeah, it does. Like I can't yell and scream or cry or just like ask a bunch of questions and look mad in public. Someone's going to film me.

Speaker 1:
[57:50] I mean, I think that's why people do it. I think so they can tamp down your reaction. Again, the only time I really do feel like it is acceptable in my personal opinion is if someone's really going to react in a crazy way. I mean, and I can see this from a man too. Like if you really think you're going to go to her house and she's going to start throwing stuff, I get it. Go to the park. Okay, I asked AI overview on Best Places to Break Up. So a quiet public park, so maybe not Washington Square, but a quiet public park offers privacy space in a neutral setting away from shared living spaces, a calm cafe or coffee shop, better than a meal. I just still don't want to be in a restaurant. Yeah, okay. Near their home, near their home, allows them to be in a familiar place to deal with emotions while giving you an easy exit. Park bench near your home. Meet me on the corner.

Speaker 2:
[58:39] Park bench is fine. Park is tough because it's like, who leaves first? If I leave, you're going to try to walk out of this park with me. I'm scarred by him trying to walk me home. I was just like, can you get away from me?

Speaker 1:
[58:50] Okay. Lastly, I feel like this was a rogue choice from Gemini, but botanical garden.

Speaker 2:
[59:00] That's how people get married.

Speaker 1:
[59:02] If you bought tickets to break up with me, I only think of botanical gardens as like ticketed. I guess they could be free.

Speaker 2:
[59:08] No, they're not free. Botanical gardens in New York are expensive.

Speaker 1:
[59:11] It could take me up to Queens or wherever the fuck I've been one time. You get a grip on for that?

Speaker 2:
[59:15] That's crazy.

Speaker 1:
[59:15] And break up with me. So we asked you guys worst place you've been broken up with or broke up with someone.

Speaker 2:
[59:22] I couldn't get to the bottom of the slide. There were so many of them. The way that people have disrespected you, it's sick.

Speaker 1:
[59:29] The very top one from Christina, we love her. She's been a fan of the show forever. Panera.

Speaker 2:
[59:34] So I started with Panera and a lot of chains got a lot of attention. So we have Panera, Target, Tim Hortons, Disneyland, Dunkin, Starbucks, Olive Garden, Petco, Dairy Queen, Costco. And that's just to name a few.

Speaker 1:
[59:50] I'm so death. I want all those companies to weigh in in the chat.

Speaker 2:
[59:54] All those to me are somebody has exploded.

Speaker 1:
[59:56] You might be entitled to compensation if you've been dumped in the Dairy Queen.

Speaker 2:
[60:00] But like, if we're getting ice cream and you couldn't wait until we got out of the Costco, the Dairy Queen, the Petco, like Starbucks, Dunkin, like you're fucking mad. This is a breakup because you are angry. You are mad. Like it is crazy to break up with somebody of these places.

Speaker 1:
[60:18] It really is. Like that is so funny. I mean, there's some like dumped in New Year's party, drunk and no taxis available. That is some bullshit. I don't have a way to get home. Oh my God. Like at a time when Uber is surging, no. No. Any sort of surge pricing? No.

Speaker 2:
[60:32] Honestly, in a scenario where I'm around a lot of people is so bad. A bunch of people said right after sex, which is you are fucking garbage.

Speaker 1:
[60:41] Oh my God.

Speaker 2:
[60:41] A lot of people in there right after sex. If somebody has sex and breaks up with them, kick them in the balls.

Speaker 1:
[60:46] Oh my God.

Speaker 2:
[60:47] A lot of stuff on vacation.

Speaker 1:
[60:49] Okay.

Speaker 2:
[60:49] So like on a romantic vacation in Europe where we had to fly back together. You couldn't keep it together.

Speaker 1:
[60:56] So I'd love to jump in now with mine, which was on a cruise ship, on a cruise we went on together. We broke up day two.

Speaker 2:
[61:04] The cruise is so bad.

Speaker 1:
[61:06] We broke up day two. The rest of the cruise was horrible. We still had to share that tiny bed and that tiny bedroom and then drive back.

Speaker 2:
[61:13] Were you guys speaking?

Speaker 1:
[61:14] It was so tense. It was so awful. I kind of had to do a little bit of work. I was on this cruise that I got as a free trip for that. Oh, it was a free trip that you provided? Yeah, to write about it for this magazine. So I had to go do some random interviews and stuff. It was horrible. We were being cordial to each other. We were always off and on. We were long distance, but we were on the cruise together. And then day two, we were not together. Stranded at sea.

Speaker 2:
[61:36] That's crazy.

Speaker 1:
[61:37] Horrifying.

Speaker 2:
[61:38] Those are the smallest rooms. A trip that you provided. Yes. Halfway through a 10-mile hike, and we had to drive three hours back together.

Speaker 1:
[61:48] Yeah, that's, I can't.

Speaker 2:
[61:49] I'm stuck in a car with you.

Speaker 1:
[61:50] No, the car. Like, I think of the one time, it was like the worst day that Shashank and I, in our relationship, we just, we were in this fight. This was 2024, like, and we went to Maine for the day, and we just, like, kept kind of circling the drain of this fight, and we couldn't seem to get to a place, and we finally did, but driving back from Maine to Boston, like, silent in the car, I mean, it was just, like, the most painful experience.

Speaker 2:
[62:12] God, it's so bad, and you're like, I will, I drove back from Newport, Rhode Island like that. Yes, and we just didn't talk for four hours, and we were, like, politely trying to, like, pick a podcast we could both listen to, so we didn't have to speak to each other.

Speaker 1:
[62:26] That trip, I remember the night before you went on that trip being at D'Andrea in the West Village.

Speaker 2:
[62:30] Was that the night before that?

Speaker 1:
[62:31] We, yeah, we were out with, like, Meryl and Jackie, and you were like, this is, like, the final thing. Like, this is gonna make or break their relationship, and I was like, break.

Speaker 2:
[62:38] I could just, I was like, I'm gonna take him on this trip where I pay for the car, and then I pay for Gurney's in Newport, which was the most expensive place you could stay. I was like, could you help me navigate? No, could you help me pick a podcast? No, he's like, you seem tense, you think?

Speaker 1:
[62:53] Yeah, you're dumbed. Okay, this all caps the middle of a comedy show. This is so funny, because I'm thinking, like, the comedian made a bit that made you be like, you know what, that's how I feel.

Speaker 2:
[63:02] Like, do you ever feel like sometimes when you talk to a couple, they're about to have a fight in the car on the way home? I feel like this happens to me kind of a lot when, like, one person will say something and the other person's head whips around, like, what? That's your interpretation of this?

Speaker 1:
[63:18] You can feel you're not aligned as a couple. You shouldn't have come here and you definitely shouldn't have sat up front.

Speaker 2:
[63:23] Like, there was one couple, I said something about dating in LA and she's like, it's fucking trash, every man here is horrible. I was like, aren't you on a date? He looked at her like, are you fucking kidding me right now?

Speaker 1:
[63:35] Note from the pros, if you are not rock solid in a relationship, don't sit up front at a comedy show and if they try to sit you up front, I would say like, hey, we're a little rocky right now and we like to sit in the back. I could see Adele at the stand being like, I get it. You don't need to be crowd worked and broken up with live by the comedian on stage. Don't do it.

Speaker 2:
[63:53] I identify like three couples right at the front and I talk to them the whole set. You guys will either, you will walk out of here married or broken up for the end of this.

Speaker 1:
[64:02] 100%. Oh my gosh.

Speaker 2:
[64:06] At a friend's wedding.

Speaker 1:
[64:07] Come on.

Speaker 2:
[64:08] I do think that like, weddings obviously bring up a lot of feelings. You can't break up with me at a wedding. That's so mean. Oh my God.

Speaker 1:
[64:14] I remember my wedding. There was a couple that should-

Speaker 2:
[64:16] Do I remember your wedding? Well, first of all, my birthday party, everybody broke up at my birthday party.

Speaker 1:
[64:21] No, this shit does happen. And there was, I can't call them a couple because I don't really think they were together at the wedding. I think that they were technically already broken up and she still came, which was just a mistake. She shouldn't have come. He should have come solo and it's fine. We would have understood and just to see them both the Sunday after, both in the courtyard of the W sitting separately, both waiting for the flight that they probably were both in the same flight back. She was sitting there with her stuff. He was saying goodbye to us. It was crazy to watch. And then I heard about another couple. I don't know if they broke up. They broke up, I think, as soon as they got back, but I don't think they broke up at the wedding. But she realized at the wedding, this is not the person I want to be for a lot of reasons and same with your birthday.

Speaker 2:
[65:04] I mean, three couples, one of them was married, one lived together, one of them was a dumpster fire, so they shouldn't have never been together. But I do think those kind of moments definitely shine a light to the relationship, holidays, weddings, trips, but like, oh my God, have some self-control. I do understand it though. I understand being like, I can't spend one more minute.

Speaker 1:
[65:22] And then alcohol gets involved and you say the thing.

Speaker 2:
[65:25] Well, I'm sober, I don't know. I've been sober for, somebody's been sober for seven days.

Speaker 1:
[65:29] Oh my gosh.

Speaker 2:
[65:30] Yeah, a lot of stuff on vacations, a lot of stuff, a lot of parking lot breakups at the airport on delay in Switzerland with his whole family.

Speaker 1:
[65:37] Okay, in the car, I see. I don't know. And there's just so many different, I mean, we have such a large age range, people were talking about dorms and stuff, like dorm lobbies. And so, I mean, there's just so many stages of life when we talk about this kind of stuff. But I do feel like, have I ever broken up in a car? It feels like I have. It feels like an okay place.

Speaker 2:
[65:56] I had a parking lot fight the other day. It just feels like a nice place to have a fight.

Speaker 1:
[65:59] Yeah, I'm okay with a parking lot. Can I pick you up? Can I take a drive? I don't know. I'm not mad about it. It's neutral.

Speaker 2:
[66:07] Are we in their car? I don't want somebody to pick me up in a car to break up, grow up. Okay, but you don't want it to be in the house. I had a parking lot fight with somebody the other day, and it was nice. It was cathartic. We were walking through the parking lot, yelling at each other. And then we got in the car and we made up.

Speaker 1:
[66:24] Okay, Rayna, you don't want to have it in your house. Where do you want it?

Speaker 2:
[66:27] Thank you for asking. I want to do it at their place. Okay. I want to be there and they can bring up with me and I can leave.

Speaker 1:
[66:31] But what if they live in Los Feliz?

Speaker 2:
[66:35] Just FaceTime me.

Speaker 1:
[66:37] Okay, FaceTime.

Speaker 2:
[66:38] No, you're right. If they live somewhere else and they're going to bring up with me, I seriously, they should drive to me.

Speaker 1:
[66:43] Yeah. And then get the car and do a lap.

Speaker 2:
[66:46] Yeah, do it in the parking lot outside of my house.

Speaker 1:
[66:48] Okay. So we are just going to take a quick break and then we're going to do the question that is my personal favorite.

Speaker 2:
[66:54] You want to do it. You're like, what does that mean? I was like, it's open to interpretation.

Speaker 1:
[66:57] I am telling you guys about hers. Okay, so we were talking about health. So more important than ever, as Rayna knows. And of course, I mean, there's such a spectrum of health concerns, but how many times have you brought up the same health concern only to feel rushed through an appointment when there is no time for nuance? It can be hard to truly feel heard. And that's where hers comes in because traditional health care often feels like it's built for efficiency, not real life. So if you've ever wanted a health plan that actually fits your schedule, your symptoms and your priorities, you're not asking for too much. Hers is rethinking the outdated health care system to finally give women what they deserve. Care that's convenient, supportive, built around their real needs and backed by experts in women's health. It is not one size fits all, but ongoing support that fits your life. You are just going to start with a free online medical intake form that goes beyond the basics so you can explain what you're experiencing. And if something feels off but you aren't sure what, hers also offers access to in-depth lab testing to give you real clarity. Then if eligible, a licensed medical provider will determine right for you treatment plan options that go beyond just medicine with diet and lifestyle guidance. Hers offers comprehensive care entirely online for the health concerns that women don't want to navigate alone. Reach out 24-7 with any questions or help adjusting your plan. It's care that helps you move forward instead of staying stuck. So feeling like yourself again doesn't feel so far away. It's time you get the support that actually reflects your needs. Start your free intake at forhers.com. That's forhers.com, forhers.com.

Speaker 2:
[68:14] All right. I'm telling you guys about skims. You know, it's like truly the only bras and underwear they wear. It's the bra that I'm wearing right now. I love the amount of sizes they have. I like the versatility. I like the quality. I gift it to people. So one of the things I love and I wear constantly is the Skims Everyday Cotton. So it comes in underwear and bras. But if you can't find like a great bra with like cotton fabric that you love, this is really it for you. I sleep with it every night. And my sister-in-law gave birth and she was looking for supposed pardon bras. I recommended these as well. And it's just like something comfortable to wear all day long. It's the only bra I don't feel like I have to like rip off my body. It really is just like a dream bra. And I wear it under every outfit. It's comfortable, obviously seamless. I'm wearing like a cocoa brown one right now. I have it in tan. I have it in black. And there's tons of cute underwear to match also.

Speaker 1:
[68:59] I just love cotton. Just like that's what I want on my vagina, quite honestly. I want like that's the fabric I don't want. I don't want like poly 100% polyester on my pussy. So I was just I wore these. I just traveled in them recently. So comfy.

Speaker 2:
[69:13] Oh, and it's travel panting.

Speaker 1:
[69:15] It's comfy.

Speaker 2:
[69:17] I love the fabrics they do. And they just released the Everyday Cotton Ultimate bra. So it has the same roundness and iconic lift. It like feels even better in the everyday cotton. Especially under a t-shirt. I don't think it gets better. So I mean, wear it on planes, wear it to sleep in, wear it to travel. I pretty much always have a Skims bra on wherever I go. You can shop Everyday Cotton and all of my favorite bras and underwear at skims.com. And after you place your order, be sure to let them know that we sent you a select podcast in the survey and be sure to select our show in the drop down menu that follows. She sells some skims.

Speaker 1:
[69:49] Okay, so we put on our Instagram story, the best time to break up with someone. And I had sent Rayna my ideas for the prompts. And then I saw this when she went rogue. And I said, what does this mean? And she was like, whatever people think it means. And it's so funny because the answers are like, when you know it's not right. And then Friday afternoon, like the way people interpreted, I love our audience that some people took it in like, what stage of the relationship, when should you do this? And other people were like day and time.

Speaker 2:
[70:18] Time of day. A lot of people picked seasons. A lot of people said spring. Spring came up because it's about to be summer. And so, you can go have like a sexy, slutty summer. A lot of people picked days of the week. Obviously, Friday came up a lot.

Speaker 1:
[70:32] Okay, Friday afternoon, Friday evening came up a lot. That's when you fire people. Yeah, this was literally like the same concept, but-

Speaker 2:
[70:39] Break up with me during the work week?

Speaker 1:
[70:41] Well, and in the morning, if you break up with someone Monday morning, you're a monster.

Speaker 2:
[70:46] That's diabolical. What are you doing? You don't care about me at all?

Speaker 1:
[70:49] Yeah, what did I do on a random Wednesday? It's just spring. I love that. Friday after work. I mean, I do like that as a person getting broken up with so you can be with your girls for the weekend.

Speaker 2:
[71:01] Yeah. Give me the weekend. Give me the summer.

Speaker 1:
[71:04] Okay.

Speaker 2:
[71:05] How do you feel about around the holidays?

Speaker 1:
[71:07] Well, I feel like that came up a lot, like before the holidays. And we've always said that because the holidays of when you might spend together, family, friends.

Speaker 2:
[71:15] So like right before the holidays, fine.

Speaker 1:
[71:17] But I mean, we always talk about how guys wait till the last minute. They just procrastinate and procrastinate. And that's where the blind side it comes from, because you have not been warned. And so before the holidays, Halloween or Thanksgiving Eve.

Speaker 2:
[71:34] Halloween is not a holiday. That's the holiday.

Speaker 1:
[71:37] I meant that's prior to the holidays, October 31st. Like that's three weeks till Thanksgiving.

Speaker 2:
[71:44] I think around, like let's circle around Halloween right after. Early November, don't ruin my Halloween. But I would like to reserve the right to not ruin all of my holidays with you and create even more memories with you.

Speaker 1:
[71:57] Someone wrote early fall, August or spring, March through April.

Speaker 2:
[72:02] That's the whole year.

Speaker 1:
[72:03] But then I love the people that are like, when you realize it's not right, you know, like it's very funny the way people interpreted this. Cause if that girl realizes early fall, spring girl, if she realizes she doesn't want to be with somebody in the winter, is she gonna see it through till it's appropriate?

Speaker 2:
[72:17] A lot of people would. I think a lot of people in colder cities and states are like, I'll just do this for the winter. What else am I doing? I just feel like when I have decided that I'm going to break up with you, like I feel things very like deeply and extremely. It's not the best quality in the world, honestly. It makes me delightful. But like when I've decided, like when I've rung the bell, I can't like unring the bell. Like your touch will give me the creeps. Your presence will make me insane. Like I will have decided I'm going to break up with you and then everything you do, I will use that as more evidence for you to break up. Like I don't think I can last 48 hours before doing it.

Speaker 1:
[72:53] Yeah, and it just depends. I mean, breakups are obviously a huge spectrum. I mean, there's a lot of breakups in a healthy long-term relationship that are not a surprise.

Speaker 2:
[73:05] Absolutely.

Speaker 1:
[73:05] And they could feel mutual even if one person ripped the band-aid off first, you know. So it's just, it's hard to have this discussion because they're so different. I mean, there's truly breakups that one person thought it was going great and you just get dumped. And then there's breakups that have been a long time coming and it's mature and no one's screaming and crying. And so, you know.

Speaker 2:
[73:29] Like my Zoom breakup, we had had multiple conversations leading up to this. Like we, I don't know why this analogy keeps coming up for me, but like we had hit a deer with our car. We had to shoot the deer in the head. I shot the deer in the head. But like, is that a crazy analogy?

Speaker 1:
[73:44] Did I remember this? Oh, that didn't happen.

Speaker 2:
[73:47] No, we didn't actually.

Speaker 1:
[73:51] Okay, one time?

Speaker 2:
[73:52] The relationship is the animal.

Speaker 1:
[73:53] Okay, sorry. But remember those people hit a deer and that guy shot it?

Speaker 2:
[73:57] Yeah, first date. There was an email we got into the podcast in like 2018, and this girl was on a first date and they hit a deer, and this guy took his gun out and shot the deer in the head.

Speaker 1:
[74:09] I'm sorry, I just had like a stroke. Like, that was Rayna? No.

Speaker 2:
[74:13] I was such a pussy.

Speaker 1:
[74:14] Okay, come back to your analogy.

Speaker 2:
[74:17] We just, we knew that this relationship was over. It's just neither one of us could like pull the trigger, so I pulled the trigger. But like, I, except for my really, my fiance walking in the door and leaving me the day after our engagement party, all the other like endings to a relationship I've had have been like, we knew that this was not going well.

Speaker 1:
[74:35] Yeah.

Speaker 2:
[74:35] I don't think I've had somebody walk in and dump me like that, except for the biggest one.

Speaker 1:
[74:40] Yeah, I know. I think about the first breakup with my ex, which we would then go on to just break up and get back together a million times. And it was so unhealthy and it was so toxic. But I did not think we were going to break up. And we had just gotten a Christmas tree stand. We hadn't cut the tree yet. So we were preparing for Christmas. And I was just like, we went to Target, we got the Christmas tree stand. I mean, this is obviously so many years ago. And then we broke up and like, I was like, I still have to get the tree. And I was like crying at Home Depot. Like, I just can't, like, I remember thinking we were never going to break up, even though the writing is so on the wall. We are so toxic. We are terrible. We're like the worst couple at the party. We're ruining everyone's time. And I still just didn't think we were going to break up. So I can relate to that situation too, where you're like, I thought we were committed and in it. And it is right before the holidays. And I just didn't see this coming. And it was awful.

Speaker 2:
[75:29] I thought we were committed to this toxicity. And we were going to both be in it.

Speaker 1:
[75:33] And then I remember him, I was like, please don't do this. You know, and he was like, okay, I just need some time to think. And I was like, well, we're going to be fine. Like we're, we've gotten through harder times. And I remember he called me or, and I was in the car, I was driving to go meet Jenny maybe, and someone else at Super Rica, this restaurant in Atlanta. And he told me like, it was over and I went to the bathroom, like melted down. It was awful. But like, it was just like, there were so many different pieces of the finality of it. And then obviously we lived together at the time, Dewey, and that was a disaster. But it's, it's so painful, even when it's like obvious. If you're like me and you're like, I'm not going to break up over this though. This terrible relationship is not going to end.

Speaker 2:
[76:10] Well, that's such an interesting dynamic, which I've never been in. I've been in every other terrible dynamic. But do you guys break up and you fight so much that like it doesn't mean anything?

Speaker 1:
[76:18] I know. I mean, but that was the first one. Like after that, then it stopped meaning stuff. And then I stopped being like, I can't tell people we broke up again, but that was the first one. And I mean, I remember going home for the holidays, like going home for Christmas. And it was so awful. This is when I went to take that walk in the woods. And I was like peeing and crying. Cause I was like, I got to the picnic spot. And I was like, I had to pee, but I'm like sobbing. And I was like, this is a low moment. 30 degrees out, ass in the air, pussy out, crying, peeing. On some dead leaves.

Speaker 2:
[76:45] Here's the worst feeling in the world.

Speaker 1:
[76:48] Yeah, it was horrifying. But I just have to, we asked people then, the worst time to break up. And again, this is just more proof of how everyone is so different because someone said before the holidays of worst time.

Speaker 2:
[76:59] Yeah, I know. I think some people are like, I would rather not have to go home and tell everybody about this. I'd rather you just get through the holidays with me. You break up with me on January 2nd.

Speaker 1:
[77:09] I really want you guys in the comments. If you break up before the holidays or wait till after. I think this is two, probably really strong opinions on both of these things.

Speaker 2:
[77:19] I mean, when I broke up with my fiance, it was like right before Thanksgiving. I had to just go home and tell everybody. I was in hell. I do understand being like, I just want to, if I could cherry pick a date, it would not be during that time because you got to tell everybody and everybody's so happy.

Speaker 1:
[77:35] But you're this person who needs to do it once you, if you're speaking from how you are, you couldn't see through the holidays. You couldn't like-

Speaker 2:
[77:41] There's no way I could just-

Speaker 1:
[77:42] Power through the holidays.

Speaker 2:
[77:43] And I guess, I mean, there's so much context. Like if I've been with somebody for three months, six months, three years, five years, we have kids, we lived together. Like, yeah, I could power through it.

Speaker 1:
[77:53] Totally.

Speaker 2:
[77:53] If we had a long time committed relationship, we lived together, we had children, there's like a million things to think about. Yeah, I could power through six weeks of holidays.

Speaker 1:
[78:01] Yeah, and this is, are you in your 20s or in your 40s? I mean, this is so different. Like, I was a completely different person 10 years ago, 20 years ago, in terms of the way these things are handled. Cause yeah, you definitely certainly see couples who are separated and their kids don't know yet, you know, like you can put on a happy face for various reasons.

Speaker 2:
[78:23] Yeah, I think I'm thinking like infancy stages, six months in, we're on a vacation or something, I'm like, I can't let you touch me.

Speaker 1:
[78:30] And a lot of these worst time to break up are like when you're sick, when you just lost your job, when someone in the family just died, I mean, that's just like mean, but that is tough. Okay, so you want to break up with somebody, you're ready, can't stand them, you have to break up with them, you got to do it. And their grandfather dies.

Speaker 2:
[78:48] It's so tough when people's like life events get into the way of your happiness.

Speaker 1:
[78:51] Oh my God, stop. But what do you do?

Speaker 2:
[78:55] I mean, it depends how much kindness you want to have for somebody. I mean, I, I hate the thought that you would kick somebody while they're down. Like, of course. Why?

Speaker 1:
[79:03] But are you going to go to the funeral and console them?

Speaker 2:
[79:08] I think so.

Speaker 1:
[79:09] Yeah. I have no judgment either way.

Speaker 2:
[79:11] I just, I don't know. I guess it depends also, why do you want to break up? Like, am I breaking up because like we are so toxic and you treat me so badly and like you've cheated on me then like, sorry, I don't need to respect you. But like, if it's just like, I feel kind of unhappy here. And I think that like, I could see it through because I respect you.

Speaker 1:
[79:28] Yeah, the relationship matters. There's a grandpa, an asshole, who do you vote for?

Speaker 2:
[79:33] Right.

Speaker 1:
[79:34] Did your grandpa vote for Trump three times? I'm dumping you. Good riddance.

Speaker 2:
[79:38] I'm gonna go to this funeral. Oh, I might go to celebrate. Stop.

Speaker 1:
[79:41] No, RIP. But like, I thought it would be tough. Like, it would be tough. And then when, cause then, like what's the appropriate amount of time?

Speaker 2:
[79:51] A week. I think a week.

Speaker 1:
[79:53] Post funeral.

Speaker 2:
[79:54] Like, I feel like my Zoom break up, he wasn't ruining my life. It was just like time to rip the band-aid off. It was just like, I can't keep having conversations with you knowing that like, this is the imminent end. But like, I wasn't in hell. He wasn't being terrible to me. So if something bad happened to his life, I would have stuck around if I had to.

Speaker 1:
[80:10] Yeah, like someone said after their mom dies, it's like, I can't even imagine, like I truly can't, like for both parties, if this relationship is not working and something that tragic happens, how you navigate it.

Speaker 2:
[80:24] Yeah.

Speaker 1:
[80:24] And like you could be leaning on this person and they are wanting to break up with you.

Speaker 2:
[80:28] Oh my God.

Speaker 1:
[80:29] I know, it's so sad. Okay, so the last thing we wanted to discuss is if you want a warning shot of a breakup, and again, I think there are a lot of relationships we know this is over, we just need to rip the band-aid off, but I don't know, this feels like a lose-lose to me. Like if someone hints that the breakup is coming, you spend the day or the week waiting around until it happens, spiraling, but if they act like everything is fine, day of, week of, leading up to it and then they come over and dump you, then you're blindsided. Like what would you prefer?

Speaker 2:
[81:04] I don't know, it's like all of the answers are bad, right? Like you're going to be in pain, but like I think that what I could move on from quicker, what I could heal from quicker is like having somebody like had a couple of discussions with me ahead of time, and we really cannot come to a conclusion that we can both be happy and move forward together. Like I want to know that this is kind of maybe not my forever person, and this is the final conversation, and they've ended it with some respect and some kindness for me, and that will not create psychological issues for me forever. However, what I will say about like the true blind side, my ex-fiance, middle of the night, I'm leaving you, I didn't have to go through the negotiation phase with him of like, should we stay together? Let's keep talking. We never spoke again, I mean, until many years later. But like, there was no texting, bargaining, maybe we should go to therapy, maybe we should talk. Like there was, I immediately was in the like, let's try to deal with the fallout from this phase. I got to skip the negotiation phase.

Speaker 1:
[82:04] Guys are listening to this like, oh, so that's how to do it. Got noted.

Speaker 2:
[82:09] I would not wish, I would not wish that pain on anybody, but like, I guess the silver lining is like, I knew where, I knew a position I was in, like that it's time to try to figure out how to like pick the pieces back from that.

Speaker 1:
[82:21] Yeah. I remember one guy, we were dating, I would say exclusive, but not boyfriend, girlfriend, calling back to Nico's episode. Like we weren't dating other people, we were dating and we just weren't a match. Like when I look back, I'm like, I don't know what it was that made me, I don't know what place in my life I was. I just wanted somebody and he didn't give me a lot. So I wanted more. But he just like always knew he wasn't a good match. And it was like, it was time to call it. And I remembered however it played out, like we were gonna have a phone call that night, but like all day, I just spiraled. And I wouldn't do that today, I was just a different person. Like I would be able to like call my nervous system and be like, what's meant to be will be, and you know, the self-talk and all of that. But it's just, it's so hard. Like, do you want a warning shot or not? I mean, everybody would be totally different with this too. And again, if it's a breakup is a negative thing and it hurts, so it's like, it's a lose-lose because it's not a good situation no matter what. There's no perfect situation, but that is tough. I was, I remember being like, I can't work. Like, I can't function. Like, all day I'm spiraling. Cause I wasn't sure if that phone call that night was going to be like, I really want to work it out. You're hoping it will be, even though, even if you know that's not your match. I mean, I was like 26, 27 years old. Like, of course I'm hoping that he's going to be like, no, I love you and let's work it out. And he woke up with me. And I was like, this is a tough day.

Speaker 2:
[83:43] Okay, let me ask you another question. How much information do you want? If this is going to end regardless, that the person has made up their mind, the relationship is over, or you've made up your mind. How much do we share with the other person?

Speaker 1:
[83:55] I know.

Speaker 2:
[83:56] And this to me, by the way, is loaded again by like, how long have we really been together? Like, have we shared years and years together? Yeah, you're going to need to give me some information. Okay, I would like to answer.

Speaker 1:
[84:06] I don't know. I'd have to maybe like think about that before I fully answer. I think guys have been pretty honest with me. Like, this just, for various reasons, it's not working. I feel this certain type of way with you. Like, I got it. I got what they're saying, even though I was like hurt and maybe like insulted from time to time. But looking back, I like, I think they were trying to do right by me and like give me something. So I guess like something that's substantial, but not mean and insulting and I can never unhear it.

Speaker 2:
[84:38] That's a good line. Because I think some people are like, it's not me, it's you. It's like, well, it's a little bit of me. So can I have like a little bit of texture? Like it's the not knowing, it's the not like your brain is just on this loop. It can't close the loop. Like it's the not knowing anything that I think is so torturous to people that they're like, I just I need some type of information.

Speaker 1:
[84:58] Yeah.

Speaker 2:
[84:58] Okay. If it's not you, it's me. But why? Why don't you see this is like, I told somebody like I don't think we're growing in the same direction.

Speaker 1:
[85:05] Yeah.

Speaker 2:
[85:06] I don't know that I need to pepper in a bunch of other information.

Speaker 1:
[85:09] I mean, it's tough because again, like 20s versus 30s versus 40s, I've gotten to a place, I think we've spoken about this before of you're just not the one. Like I'm not in love with you and I don't think I'm going to fall in love with you. I don't think I want to commit to you. Like these things sound really harsh. Like I think sometimes one person is really trying to be gentle and you have to tell yourself that's what they're saying to you. Like you have to tell yourself like I'm not the one just like so and so wasn't the one for me the last person I broke up with. Like you have to translate it into like I am great and someone else will find me great but like this was not my person and unfortunately they figured that out before I did and this is maybe just my ego being bruised.

Speaker 2:
[85:53] So who is your ego? I said that exact speech to somebody. I said like I just I think the romantic part of our relationship has run its course and I don't think you're in love with me and I'm not in love with you and I don't think we're going to be. So like let's just call it and like we actually are selling each other's lives. I don't know, he just won't let me alone but like 12 years later, he's still not letting me alone. But like saying to him like I don't think you're in love with me first, like at least just putting the ball on his court being like you don't like me either.

Speaker 1:
[86:20] I mean, they could push back on that but yeah I think it's a tactic for sure.

Speaker 2:
[86:24] Yeah, and I mean that was like a really nice easy out. He didn't ask for a bunch of questions and I didn't have to give a bunch of answers.

Speaker 1:
[86:30] I think you can learn from some of these reality shows. Like what you don't want to do is you've seen this on The Bachelor where someone is getting broken up with and they lead with like you think they're about to propose. Like I really feel like it can come across being bamboozled. But I like it, like start with a compliment. I've really like loved getting to know you. I've had such a good time this and that. Like say it in a tone where you know there's a but coming. Which is like, but I don't see this long term. I really wanted to give this a shot and you're such a great person, but I don't think this is a long term match. Like someone might ask for more information.

Speaker 2:
[87:04] But like, sure. But what you just said was like eight seconds. It's like a perfect like eight to 10 seconds. And like that will free somebody from having to go to therapy for years.

Speaker 1:
[87:13] Right.

Speaker 2:
[87:14] If you just say that to somebody.

Speaker 1:
[87:15] Yeah.

Speaker 2:
[87:15] It's just, it's people ghosting me and disrespecting me and not being honest to me. Like long term, that's the thing that's hurted them. Hurted.

Speaker 1:
[87:22] Yeah. And again, years long, you're not going to get to do that at 30 seconds. I don't think. I think you owe someone more. So, you know, good luck out there, you guys. And thanks for sharing with us as always.

Speaker 2:
[87:35] God, you guys are so funny and smart and just amazing. And I can't believe all the places you guys have broken up. It's insane.

Speaker 1:
[87:41] Okay, well, girlsgottaeat.com, Girls Gotta Eat podcast on Instagram and TikTok. I am Ash Hess, my special, Here Comes the Bride, will be out on April 30th on YouTube and May 1st on Prime Video. So stay tuned for everything there. I'm going to be posting on my Instagram, Ash Hess. Like I mentioned, Rayna is raynagreenberg.com for our tour tickets, makeup dates in Salt Lake and Nashville on sale now. Okay. And again, you can always watch full video on YouTube and Spotify, Shop Vibes Only. And we just want to let you guys know there's not going to be a snack this Thursday.

Speaker 2:
[88:19] Have a good week, guys. Bye.