transcript

Speaker 1:
[00:06] Those are real boards, Peters. Yeah, right.

Speaker 2:
[00:09] Take them outside and do some tricks.

Speaker 1:
[00:10] Yeah.

Speaker 3:
[00:11] Maybe we should put the, no, no, no. Don't cross them, yeah, show them. Maybe the bodega one we put, no, no, no, put it like right here. Should we put the bodega? We could hang it up there. Might be too tall, though, for camera.

Speaker 1:
[00:23] Oh, yeah.

Speaker 3:
[00:24] Put it on that pillar.

Speaker 1:
[00:25] Yeah, there you go.

Speaker 3:
[00:26] We could get rid of the YouTube thing. Who cares about that?

Speaker 4:
[00:29] That's 100,000. That's a big fucking deal. My kid saw that. He was like, you got one of them?

Speaker 1:
[00:35] Yeah. People care about that.

Speaker 4:
[00:37] People give a shit.

Speaker 1:
[00:38] Where are we at now? Are we going up? To 80. All right, all right.

Speaker 4:
[00:42] Do we go for it?

Speaker 3:
[00:43] When's the next one you get?

Speaker 4:
[00:45] A million.

Speaker 1:
[00:45] Damn, that's tough.

Speaker 5:
[00:47] That's insane. 100,000, a million.

Speaker 1:
[00:49] I know, right? Big jump.

Speaker 3:
[00:51] Guess we're keeping that up.

Speaker 1:
[00:53] I've never seen Salek defend anything like that in my life. Are you fucking kidding me? That's a big deal.

Speaker 3:
[00:58] Are we recording? Should we just keep that?

Speaker 1:
[01:01] That was kind of funny. Keep all that in.

Speaker 3:
[01:03] That was kind of stupid.

Speaker 1:
[01:04] All right.

Speaker 3:
[01:04] Hey, guys.

Speaker 1:
[01:05] Can we shit on Guy or no?

Speaker 4:
[01:08] Yeah, so we were supposed to have Guy Fieri in there.

Speaker 3:
[01:10] Let's not.

Speaker 4:
[01:11] Not shit on him, but like...

Speaker 1:
[01:12] We're supposed to have Guy on, but he's in a...

Speaker 3:
[01:14] We're supposed to have Guy Fieri on the podcast today.

Speaker 1:
[01:17] Yeah.

Speaker 3:
[01:17] And I guess he shook Andrew Tate's hand and we didn't have him.

Speaker 1:
[01:22] Yeah.

Speaker 4:
[01:23] We're going from Guy to Goy? Wait, no.

Speaker 1:
[01:25] No. Guy to no Goy.

Speaker 4:
[01:27] Yes. We're going to have an Ari Shaffir on the podcast.

Speaker 3:
[01:29] I guess this isn't the image rehabilitation pod.

Speaker 1:
[01:34] Welcome back. He's wearing a romper. Look at this.

Speaker 3:
[01:37] Holy shit.

Speaker 1:
[01:38] Looking good. There he is.

Speaker 3:
[01:40] You're dressed like a pregnant woman. What the hell happened?

Speaker 1:
[01:44] Hell yeah.

Speaker 2:
[01:46] Have you started?

Speaker 1:
[01:47] Yeah, you're on air.

Speaker 2:
[01:48] I'm not pissing a bottle. Now you've got a female bartender. I can't piss in bottles anymore.

Speaker 1:
[01:52] God, I hope you're wearing underwear.

Speaker 5:
[01:54] You have to drink a beer really quick for him to pee in a bottle.

Speaker 1:
[01:57] Oh, yeah, true.

Speaker 3:
[01:58] What is that? What kind of beer is that? Oh, Colombian beer.

Speaker 1:
[02:01] Looks damn good.

Speaker 5:
[02:03] Club Colombia Dorada.

Speaker 1:
[02:04] You know, the lime in the beer is a full on white guy appropriation. They don't do that.

Speaker 3:
[02:08] But you know what? I'll be damned.

Speaker 6:
[02:10] It works.

Speaker 1:
[02:10] It works. I like it.

Speaker 3:
[02:12] There's something about those Corona.

Speaker 6:
[02:14] Oh, push it again.

Speaker 3:
[02:14] You feel like you're on vacation.

Speaker 1:
[02:15] Yes, yes, exactly. When I was in college, we all went down to Mexico. It got pretty wild. But the Dos Equis were a quarter.

Speaker 3:
[02:24] Whoa.

Speaker 1:
[02:25] It was a different time.

Speaker 3:
[02:26] Yeah, I remember how cheap chacates used to be like a dollar.

Speaker 1:
[02:28] Oh, yeah, that's right. That's right.

Speaker 3:
[02:31] Goddamn.

Speaker 1:
[02:31] That's like a Mexican PBR.

Speaker 3:
[02:34] It kind of hit though.

Speaker 1:
[02:35] Yeah, they weren't bad.

Speaker 3:
[02:36] Still a little lime in one of those cans.

Speaker 1:
[02:37] That's true. I drink a lot of them.

Speaker 3:
[02:39] Yeah, that was all right.

Speaker 1:
[02:40] Yeah, back then, you'd wake up, you'd have diarrhea, and then you were back.

Speaker 3:
[02:44] I'm just not a big beer guy.

Speaker 1:
[02:46] Yeah, I gave it up with my old age.

Speaker 3:
[02:48] It's not my go-to. I'd rather have like a whiskey or like a cocktail or something.

Speaker 1:
[02:54] But beer looks good. It looks good. You see a baseball game with a big glass of beer. I'm like, oh, and the sun.

Speaker 3:
[03:00] It's the peeing for me that's the issue.

Speaker 1:
[03:02] Oh, the peeing. You already pee. You already pee a lot without beer.

Speaker 3:
[03:06] Or coffee.

Speaker 1:
[03:07] Right.

Speaker 3:
[03:08] Then in this fucking heat, you got to drink some water.

Speaker 1:
[03:10] Yeah. But yeah, beer, like the Shawshank Redemption, the roof scene with that bucket of gold beers. Man, that's heaven. But I'm with you. Hey, look at it. It looks like Jesus in Spring Break.

Speaker 3:
[03:25] This is wild.

Speaker 1:
[03:27] What's shaking, man? What is that? Linen?

Speaker 2:
[03:30] I don't know.

Speaker 1:
[03:30] That's nice.

Speaker 2:
[03:31] Yeah, right? Feel it. A little higher.

Speaker 1:
[03:33] All right.

Speaker 3:
[03:33] A little higher.

Speaker 2:
[03:34] Rub it up.

Speaker 1:
[03:35] Yeah. You look like an old map.

Speaker 3:
[03:38] So you had a little of the diarrhea.

Speaker 2:
[03:41] It wasn't... Yeah, it hasn't really stopped. I brought... I ate some street meat in Brazil day before I left, like closing time street meat. And it has... I have had like...

Speaker 3:
[03:50] It's lingering.

Speaker 2:
[03:50] Two logs since I've been home. Two logs. Rest just...

Speaker 6:
[03:55] I'm sorry, ma'am. I don't...

Speaker 1:
[03:56] Still...

Speaker 2:
[03:57] Nice to meet you too.

Speaker 1:
[04:00] All right, I guess we're going for it. It's summer, baby. The summer here, we're having a heat wave this week.

Speaker 3:
[04:03] This is so annoying.

Speaker 2:
[04:04] I love it.

Speaker 3:
[04:05] Really?

Speaker 2:
[04:05] Yeah, you can only time you can wear this outfit.

Speaker 1:
[04:08] That's true. Matt and Coachella.

Speaker 3:
[04:10] I'm in one of those old buildings where they can't switch all the way to AC yet.

Speaker 2:
[04:14] They're like, no, it's not on yet. We haven't committed to being warm.

Speaker 3:
[04:16] It's a whole thing. Brutal. Climate change is going back and forth and back and forth.

Speaker 1:
[04:21] It's like a woman with her boots.

Speaker 2:
[04:23] And what never changes is landlords. We're still going to do the minimum.

Speaker 3:
[04:28] It's just annoying.

Speaker 1:
[04:29] You guys know all them?

Speaker 3:
[04:31] We have the direct line. It's not working.

Speaker 2:
[04:33] I know. If we can't get it to work.

Speaker 1:
[04:35] Does the phone ring by going, have a, have a, Dougie?

Speaker 2:
[04:39] I missed you guys.

Speaker 1:
[04:40] Yeah, it's good to have you back there. You look like the gay Ayatollah.

Speaker 3:
[04:45] Or the Ayatollah.

Speaker 1:
[04:48] One was gay apparently. I heard that.

Speaker 2:
[04:50] Ayatollah is.

Speaker 1:
[04:51] Hey, yeah. Did he throw himself off a roof? Okay, I've made that joke about 900 times.

Speaker 6:
[04:57] I don't know the history.

Speaker 1:
[04:59] So you're right back in East Village. You're back home with the dog.

Speaker 2:
[05:02] Yeah, dog's not here yet. Dog's still hanging out. Because I'm in and out, so I had to leave her with the fucking sitters.

Speaker 1:
[05:08] Oh, weird.

Speaker 2:
[05:09] I'm in and out running around the country, doing pods like this.

Speaker 6:
[05:12] Hell yeah.

Speaker 1:
[05:14] Well, Guy Fieri canceled.

Speaker 2:
[05:15] It's time for the playoffs.

Speaker 3:
[05:17] I'm fired up, dude.

Speaker 2:
[05:18] One of the best times to be in New York is Yankees are now, lately, Did you kind of claim your return around baseball in the playoffs? Well, first I looked at the hockey standings and I said, no rush.

Speaker 3:
[05:29] Yeah.

Speaker 2:
[05:30] It turns out no rush at all.

Speaker 1:
[05:31] Not doing great, the Rangers.

Speaker 2:
[05:32] And then, yeah. I mean.

Speaker 3:
[05:35] I'm fired up.

Speaker 2:
[05:36] Yeah. Baseball's back.

Speaker 1:
[05:37] Woo. You missed the Yankees.

Speaker 2:
[05:39] This playoffs, Yankees, this playoffs is the best.

Speaker 3:
[05:43] The city takes on a different energy.

Speaker 1:
[05:45] Yes.

Speaker 3:
[05:45] Who knows when this, when is this coming out?

Speaker 1:
[05:47] Two weeks.

Speaker 3:
[05:48] Two weeks. All right. So hopefully we.

Speaker 2:
[05:49] They're not out by now. No way are they out.

Speaker 3:
[05:52] No, I think we got the Hawks.

Speaker 2:
[05:53] If they're out, you're doing an Ayatollah for sure.

Speaker 3:
[05:58] If they're out, I'll welcome it. I mean, no, we're taking the Hawks down.

Speaker 1:
[06:02] I mean, is there any team you're worried about?

Speaker 3:
[06:04] Yeah, every team, the Celtics, the Pistons, the Thunder.

Speaker 2:
[06:08] If we're looking past the Pistons.

Speaker 3:
[06:10] Pistons are fucking tough.

Speaker 2:
[06:12] It's the, what's it called? The popular pick to go in there, to look past. Yeah, everyone's going, it's the Celtics or the Knicks. I'm like, what about the number one seed?

Speaker 1:
[06:21] Sleeper.

Speaker 3:
[06:21] And they're tough.

Speaker 1:
[06:22] What does Kelcey say about the Knicks?

Speaker 3:
[06:25] Don't show me because it's going to depress me.

Speaker 2:
[06:27] What is that, an AI?

Speaker 1:
[06:28] Kelcey's like a betting prediction sign that knows all. They usually get everything right.

Speaker 2:
[06:33] You got Quetzalteca? That's fucking wild that you found that.

Speaker 3:
[06:37] We heard you.

Speaker 2:
[06:37] That is nuts.

Speaker 3:
[06:38] You've been on an adventure. Peters went all out for it.

Speaker 1:
[06:42] He's crazy.

Speaker 3:
[06:42] What are we starting with? What drink do we start with?

Speaker 1:
[06:45] Yes, lead the way, Ari.

Speaker 2:
[06:46] I mean, that is bathtub liquor. That is a lot of Mollin.

Speaker 3:
[06:52] I'll follow up my endoscopy Friday. This will be good for me.

Speaker 5:
[06:55] I think we end with this one.

Speaker 2:
[06:56] We end with that one, okay. Pre-by Alex before shots.

Speaker 1:
[07:00] Oh, let's do it.

Speaker 2:
[07:00] That's a pretty good idea.

Speaker 1:
[07:01] Let's do it.

Speaker 2:
[07:02] I mean, any shot you take, I'll tell you something about that country.

Speaker 3:
[07:05] We've done these, but I remember Ari took one of these at my place ones, and I'm like, yeah, these help your hangover. And then he texts me the next day, he's like, they didn't do anything. I'm like, well, not if you have 40 drinks.

Speaker 2:
[07:15] Sam ate pitchers, that's not cool.

Speaker 3:
[07:16] I know, I made pitchers and you went out with my boy Dan Hall from The Cellar, who is-

Speaker 1:
[07:21] Pitchers of what?

Speaker 3:
[07:22] Booze. Boolevardier pitchers and paper planes.

Speaker 1:
[07:25] Wow, a pitcher of that.

Speaker 3:
[07:27] A lot of Bodega Cat was going down.

Speaker 1:
[07:29] Look at that, it feels like the rock. We got our own vial.

Speaker 2:
[07:31] Can I tell you something I've learned from this podcast?

Speaker 3:
[07:33] Ari looks like it's an AIDS vial right now. Yeah.

Speaker 2:
[07:38] Why chase the bug? Well, you can drink it in the shot.

Speaker 1:
[07:41] It's a little prep.

Speaker 2:
[07:44] It's the classiest outsider drink you can get, is a Boulevardier. You have to drink it, bartenders go, oh, coming right up.

Speaker 1:
[07:52] Exactly. It's got a little French twang, Boulevardier.

Speaker 2:
[07:56] I try a Godfather a lot. That's my house drink. Nice shot.

Speaker 3:
[07:59] We drank it at your place once, remember?

Speaker 2:
[08:01] Yeah, but a lot of times bartenders are like, I can look that up. I'm like, don't look it up. You're not going to make it right. How about a Boulevardier? And they're like, yes, sir.

Speaker 6:
[08:07] Hell yeah.

Speaker 3:
[08:08] What is a Godfather again? What's in that? It's scotch, right?

Speaker 6:
[08:12] You know?

Speaker 5:
[08:13] It's like scotch and soda, isn't it? Just a really old slum.

Speaker 2:
[08:15] No, it's a, what's that maraschino like liquor?

Speaker 5:
[08:19] Oh yeah, see, we don't have that at Stumbleman.

Speaker 2:
[08:21] Yeah.

Speaker 1:
[08:21] Oh yeah.

Speaker 5:
[08:22] Not a lot of Godfathers, but it's a-

Speaker 6:
[08:25] All right.

Speaker 2:
[08:26] What?

Speaker 1:
[08:26] That's three in a row.

Speaker 6:
[08:27] Oh, the guy who plays basketball. Knicks losing six.

Speaker 1:
[08:32] All right, there we go. Pull up Godfather drink there, Sally.

Speaker 4:
[08:38] Oh, it was- Champagne cocktails and their Sierra Madres. You talking about-

Speaker 2:
[08:42] No, the Godfather drink.

Speaker 4:
[08:44] Yeah, they make-

Speaker 2:
[08:44] No champagne.

Speaker 4:
[08:45] I'm saying it's a reference in the Godfather. You're talking about an actual drink?

Speaker 1:
[08:48] Oh, yes.

Speaker 2:
[08:48] It was that guy. Who played the Godfather?

Speaker 1:
[08:50] Marlon Brando.

Speaker 2:
[08:51] His favorite drink.

Speaker 1:
[08:52] Oh, really?

Speaker 2:
[08:53] So they named it the Godfather. All of South America. It's called the Padron.

Speaker 1:
[08:56] Whoa. Okay, Marlon Brando. Look at that.

Speaker 6:
[09:01] The Godfather.

Speaker 1:
[09:01] Boom! Scotch whiskey and amaretto.

Speaker 3:
[09:04] His favorite meal wouldn't sound as sexy.

Speaker 6:
[09:06] Yeah.

Speaker 3:
[09:06] 12 Rebis.

Speaker 6:
[09:07] Right, right.

Speaker 2:
[09:08] It's one to one. Peteyer the better, it offsets the amaretto. But blended, they asked for it, which is like not my house.

Speaker 3:
[09:14] That's it? It's just Scotch and amaretto?

Speaker 2:
[09:16] Yeah.

Speaker 3:
[09:16] That's nothing, damn.

Speaker 2:
[09:17] It's supposed to be blended Scotch, but when I bring people to my home, you're getting single malt.

Speaker 1:
[09:22] Hell yeah. I did Che Che and you... Oh, we have DiCerono. That's different.

Speaker 6:
[09:27] No, no. That works. That's amaretto.

Speaker 1:
[09:30] Oh, really?

Speaker 6:
[09:30] Yeah.

Speaker 2:
[09:30] A little orange peel. You got that?

Speaker 5:
[09:33] We have so much citrus, but not orange peels. We've got all the stuff for capparinias, pisco sour, let's go be nice.

Speaker 3:
[09:39] Capparinias. Holy shit.

Speaker 2:
[09:41] Okay.

Speaker 3:
[09:42] We're taking Ari's journey seriously.

Speaker 1:
[09:44] Okay. Which one are we doing?

Speaker 5:
[09:45] Well... The lime and the sugar.

Speaker 2:
[09:47] The last place I went, this was my outfit for Carnival.

Speaker 1:
[09:50] Oh, wow.

Speaker 2:
[09:51] So I had drank so many capparinias during Carnival.

Speaker 3:
[09:56] Is that what we start with?

Speaker 1:
[09:57] Yes.

Speaker 2:
[09:57] It takes a while to make. Have you already macerated the...

Speaker 1:
[10:01] Why don't we crack open a few Club Colombia's for an appetizer while you make whatever the hell. Carnanina.

Speaker 2:
[10:07] The only problem with capparinias is when you ask for it, you're like on the go, you're like, ah, give me capparinias, cool, I'll have a look. And then it's like 15 minutes later. Are you serious?

Speaker 6:
[10:14] Why?

Speaker 2:
[10:14] They make them with care. They have to like, they cut the limes, start smashing them down. It takes a while.

Speaker 6:
[10:20] Damn.

Speaker 5:
[10:21] Do we all want beer?

Speaker 3:
[10:23] Yeah, we'll start with one.

Speaker 1:
[10:24] We'll start with a beer. It's a tudge over.

Speaker 3:
[10:26] It's a hot day.

Speaker 2:
[10:27] Also, capparino is one of the best drinks for taking into the water with you.

Speaker 1:
[10:31] Ooh.

Speaker 2:
[10:32] You just like get a beach bar, and you're like, can I, like, yeah, don't give a shit, and you just take your glass right in there, drink it in the waves.

Speaker 3:
[10:37] Give us a rundown. Where did you start?

Speaker 2:
[10:39] Started in Mexico.

Speaker 1:
[10:40] Thank you. Hey, look at it, we're back, baby. What a time to be alive.

Speaker 5:
[10:48] Aye, aye, aye, aye, aye.

Speaker 2:
[10:52] Club Columbia, wait.

Speaker 1:
[10:53] Oh, that's lovely.

Speaker 2:
[10:54] Oh, that hits.

Speaker 1:
[10:55] Very nice. Love a brown bottle. Dorado. Golden Lager.

Speaker 2:
[11:02] First time I've had one of these, not this trip. I took Spanish class in 2018 in, outside Medellin, in Regado. And there are all these, like, pool halls with those no-pocket pool tables.

Speaker 1:
[11:12] Oh, yeah.

Speaker 2:
[11:12] Like billiards, and all the old men are playing it. They, like, shift, like, they have these, like, board keepers up there, and they just twist them with their sticks. It was so cool, and I just sat and watched them and drank some of these.

Speaker 1:
[11:23] Wow.

Speaker 2:
[11:23] But that was, like, a long time ago.

Speaker 3:
[11:24] Were you solo for that one?

Speaker 2:
[11:25] That was solo. Yeah, I lived with a family.

Speaker 1:
[11:27] Whoa.

Speaker 2:
[11:28] For, like, two weeks to try to, like, hit it off with their kid.

Speaker 1:
[11:31] Yeah.

Speaker 2:
[11:31] No Epstein stuff?

Speaker 1:
[11:32] No.

Speaker 2:
[11:33] Just, yeah.

Speaker 1:
[11:35] Just tell the outfit. Do you feel like your blood pressure and all that just went way to cortisol levels? You're out with no phone, in the jungle, drinking capillaries. Caparigna.

Speaker 3:
[11:49] Did you keep up with anything going back in America or in news or anything?

Speaker 2:
[11:53] OK. Early on, I was keeping up with the Yankees.

Speaker 1:
[11:55] All right.

Speaker 2:
[11:56] Because I'm, like, die hard, you know?

Speaker 1:
[11:58] Yeah.

Speaker 2:
[11:58] And it was, like, headed to the playoff bush. And then I realized after about five days, I'm like, this is taking me out of it. I'm checking, like, two to three times per game updates. And then I was off news completely. But I'm like, that's the only thing I'll check. And I'm like, this is dragging me back to America mentally.

Speaker 3:
[12:11] Whoa.

Speaker 2:
[12:13] So I was like, I'm going to check in. What's 10 days before the playoff? I'm going to see how they're doing.

Speaker 3:
[12:17] American news must be so much funnier from, like, a beach in another country. You're just chilling on, like, having a cappuccino. You're like, Trump started shit with the pope? What the hell? This is crazy.

Speaker 1:
[12:26] Yeah, right?

Speaker 2:
[12:27] You know how I found out about Venezuela? I was on an overnight bus, and I just see, like, three or four screens. Like, you know when you look at other people's, like, phones when you're on, like, a plane or something? And I'm looking at screens like, do you consider Maduro a valid leader or, like, a legitimate leader? I'm like, why is everyone researching that?

Speaker 1:
[12:43] Uh-oh.

Speaker 2:
[12:44] He was already gone.

Speaker 3:
[12:45] And where were you when the bus went?

Speaker 2:
[12:47] I was headed to Uruguay from Argentina. It was probably somewhere in Argentina.

Speaker 1:
[12:53] Wow. Damn.

Speaker 2:
[12:54] Yeah, and...

Speaker 1:
[12:55] The Maduro thing was pretty cool.

Speaker 2:
[12:58] People were fighting on it.

Speaker 1:
[12:59] Just how easy it was.

Speaker 2:
[13:01] Just in and out.

Speaker 1:
[13:02] In and out.

Speaker 3:
[13:02] It was nice to get a smooth W.

Speaker 1:
[13:05] And I think he thought I ran was going to be smooth as well, and then that was a shit show.

Speaker 2:
[13:09] But I know. I kept up on that one at all.

Speaker 1:
[13:11] Yeah, that's a whole other thing.

Speaker 2:
[13:13] Yeah, but then I had some Uruguayan guy, Geronimo. He's like, why is it always America? I guess something had to be done. Why always you guys? I'm like, yeah, fair. Totally fair. I'm like, you ain't going to do it, Uruguay.

Speaker 1:
[13:24] Exactly.

Speaker 2:
[13:24] You ain't going to do it.

Speaker 1:
[13:25] You got gay in your name.

Speaker 3:
[13:28] You're doing other parts of the world, you just say you're American and they're just pissed.

Speaker 1:
[13:33] I know.

Speaker 3:
[13:34] We were in Berlin and I was with my buddy and he was trying to get laid at some hipster bar in Berlin. They're like, where are you from? America. They're like, ugh.

Speaker 1:
[13:40] Yeah.

Speaker 3:
[13:42] Just say Canada if you want to get your dick sucked tonight, buddy. Just say Canada tonight.

Speaker 2:
[13:46] It's not the time to be nationalistic.

Speaker 1:
[13:48] Right. Although sometimes it helps. In the 90s, it was cool. I went to England during college to visit a friend and we went to Brighton, which is a cool hipster island in England. I was at a nightclub and I was like, one beer please. Girls were like, American.

Speaker 3:
[14:03] A beer?

Speaker 6:
[14:04] Not an ale?

Speaker 3:
[14:05] Novelty accent.

Speaker 1:
[14:06] Yeah. This voice has never helped me with women. It was the only time that they were like, hey, nice accent.

Speaker 6:
[14:11] I like your clit.

Speaker 3:
[14:14] I'm gay.

Speaker 2:
[14:16] I don't believe you.

Speaker 1:
[14:17] Yeah, it worked.

Speaker 2:
[14:19] Yeah. In small countries like Southeast Asia shit, they love us. They just know about our music and movies. And that we give more than the bill, which they can't comprehend.

Speaker 3:
[14:30] That's huge.

Speaker 2:
[14:30] They can't comprehend that.

Speaker 3:
[14:31] Tipping is big.

Speaker 2:
[14:32] Yeah.

Speaker 3:
[14:33] You just do that. I just do that in other countries even when you're not supposed to because I'm just used to it.

Speaker 2:
[14:37] The bill was 10. Why would you give me 12? That doesn't make sense.

Speaker 3:
[14:40] Yeah.

Speaker 6:
[14:41] Like what?

Speaker 1:
[14:42] I'm used to it. But were they like our movies, baseball? We got some stuff.

Speaker 2:
[14:47] Yeah. So I did log back in to check those last week of the playoffs.

Speaker 1:
[14:52] Okay.

Speaker 2:
[14:53] Last week of the regular season, then as soon as they went out, I was like, I'm back out. Then right then, I was also hell of missing baseball and I was in Oaxaca and I was like, they got a baseball team, the Oaxaca Guerreros. I'm like, I'm in. Season ended yesterday. I'm like, fuck. Number two seed. So I started going to playoff games. Oaxaca Guerreros playoff games.

Speaker 1:
[15:14] Are you just you in the stands, I assume?

Speaker 2:
[15:15] Yeah. They don't save seats, they just do sections and it's so much fun.

Speaker 3:
[15:21] Because they go crazy, right?

Speaker 2:
[15:22] They go crazy. First of all, I was like, I'm not going to eat because I want to get a hot dog at the game, you know? And then like no hot dogs, burrito plates, all sorts of like new types of food, plates. They just come by with it already made. Like who wants?

Speaker 1:
[15:34] Amazing.

Speaker 2:
[15:35] Yeah. They have some 12 year old girls with signs. I'm like, what are you guys selling? Like beers. And I'm like, okay. Yeah. It's so much fun. Every time they hit our home run, they put this elephant, like like Ganesh mask on them. And then they knight them with a sword.

Speaker 6:
[15:49] Oh, I love it.

Speaker 2:
[15:50] It was so much fun. I became a supporter. I'm a Guerrero until I die.

Speaker 1:
[15:53] See, what's great about those areas is, and what's horrible about those areas, is there's no regulation. There's no one coming in going, why is a 12 year old selling beer? Is that burrito up to code? Oh yeah. There's none of that, which is awesome. But also you could get a parasite that's been plaguing you for two weeks.

Speaker 3:
[16:09] There's also so much, I think we talked about this the other day, but there's so much hometown pride where like, you go to a place like Cuba, they just play for their hometown. So it's not like, it's not like, you know, it's like if all the Yankees were just New Yorkers.

Speaker 1:
[16:20] Yes, I love that.

Speaker 3:
[16:21] I was like, holy shit, he was, so it's so cool, I remember like, Clint Frazier was a Yankee, and you're like, this is fucking cool.

Speaker 2:
[16:26] Yeah, he grew up here.

Speaker 3:
[16:27] He's a New York kid.

Speaker 2:
[16:27] Yeah, he has an accent.

Speaker 3:
[16:28] Jose Alvarado's a Nick, he's a fucking kid from Queens. Right. There's something extra special about that, I don't know.

Speaker 2:
[16:33] Yeah, when I was in DR, like a few years ago, I went to a game, and Pouls was playing. And he was like, I've been waiting to play for my hometown team for 25 years. I'm retired, I'm playing.

Speaker 3:
[16:47] It's so funny that they just get the worst version of him, though. He's like one of the greatest ever. And they're like, I'll come back when I'm 42 and fat. Yeah. But that's what happens, right? I mean, that you still want to play, and you still kind of can play.

Speaker 1:
[17:00] Yeah.

Speaker 3:
[17:00] You see some of these guys at old timers games, and you're like, they could still fucking play.

Speaker 2:
[17:03] Yeah, Reggie Jackson at some old timers game I went to, I think it was a Camden Yards. He came out and was like, I don't know, swing, and then missed a few, and then hit like three home runs in the place, and that's when he rounded the bases.

Speaker 3:
[17:14] By the way, that was his career anyway. He struck out more than anybody, but he hit bombs.

Speaker 1:
[17:18] Yeah, well, people care about the early, where's Pacquiao from?

Speaker 3:
[17:21] Philippines.

Speaker 1:
[17:22] They say in the Philippines, when he's fighting, the whole city shut down, like everything is out, except for that fight.

Speaker 3:
[17:29] I love how much Ari loves baseball, though. He's like a baseball psycho.

Speaker 2:
[17:32] That's part of a born New York vibe, but also Jews love baseball.

Speaker 3:
[17:36] Yeah.

Speaker 1:
[17:37] Yeah, that's true.

Speaker 3:
[17:38] I think it's just so American, too. I guess it's everything. It's like so Latin American now, too, and Japan. Japan loves baseball. But it feels like it's so ingrained in American culture.

Speaker 2:
[17:49] It's our game.

Speaker 3:
[17:50] Yeah.

Speaker 2:
[17:51] The best in terms of people playing for their hometown is State of Origin in Australia.

Speaker 1:
[17:56] No.

Speaker 2:
[17:56] It's Rugby Sevens, I think.

Speaker 1:
[17:57] Oh, okay.

Speaker 2:
[17:59] These are the best players in the world. They go off to play in New Zealand, they go play whatever. But Brisbane plays against Sydney or their states, New South Wales versus Queensland, and they all come home to play for their state. And sometimes these guys are teammates on other teams, and now they're enemies, and they're punching each other. And the long line is state versus state, mate versus mate. And you've seen them teammates fully fucking fist fight. It's a best of three, and it's nuts. Go Maroons. Blue's drool, Maroons rule.

Speaker 1:
[18:27] Oh, I love it, yeah.

Speaker 3:
[18:28] I feel like rugby's gonna catch on America.

Speaker 2:
[18:30] It should.

Speaker 1:
[18:31] It'd be great. I don't know if we're tough enough.

Speaker 2:
[18:33] Black people gotta start it.

Speaker 1:
[18:35] Yeah.

Speaker 2:
[18:35] If black people start rugby, it's on.

Speaker 1:
[18:37] Interesting.

Speaker 2:
[18:39] Look, pretty much black people started doing just like poetry to a beat and that caught on.

Speaker 1:
[18:43] Yeah.

Speaker 2:
[18:43] That's so gay, but they made it cool.

Speaker 1:
[18:45] They made basketball cool.

Speaker 3:
[18:47] They had to add in shooting each other.

Speaker 2:
[18:48] Yeah.

Speaker 3:
[18:49] This is so gay. We gotta murder each other, guys.

Speaker 2:
[18:50] We gotta do something. We can't do this.

Speaker 1:
[18:54] Yeah, yeah. I went to the Rangers game a week ago and there was a hockey fight, a goalie fight.

Speaker 3:
[18:59] Oh my God. So Sterkin and that guy in the devil.

Speaker 1:
[19:02] It's like once in a lifetime.

Speaker 2:
[19:03] That was his last fight I'll ever do. He retired.

Speaker 3:
[19:06] No, that was quick, the other guy, the older guy.

Speaker 1:
[19:09] But just seeing the two goalies go in the middle, drop gloves and go at it was awesome.

Speaker 2:
[19:15] That's like a Chappelle pop-up. You see two goalies, when they look at each other.

Speaker 3:
[19:20] It was over way shorter than a Chappelle set for sure.

Speaker 1:
[19:23] Right, right. Less smoking.

Speaker 3:
[19:24] What is this here?

Speaker 1:
[19:26] This is Mark's wife. Oh, what are you putting this on? My wife is playing hockey in a league now in Jersey. What? That's her as a goalie. I gotta say, that's a-

Speaker 3:
[19:34] Making play hockey?

Speaker 1:
[19:35] Oh, she grew up playing it. Look at her. That's her as a goalie. Oh, she saved it! She got hit in the tits.

Speaker 3:
[19:41] She just lost her second baby right there.

Speaker 2:
[19:44] No offense, that's the least attractive I've ever seen.

Speaker 1:
[19:48] Another save. It's amazing I got her pregnant.

Speaker 2:
[19:53] You might get hard for that.

Speaker 3:
[19:54] She is good at closing her legs.

Speaker 1:
[19:57] That's true. There you go, they got one in.

Speaker 3:
[20:01] She looks like you, buddy.

Speaker 6:
[20:01] One goal in 30 seconds.

Speaker 1:
[20:03] But those guys were good. This is a real league with refs and all this shit.

Speaker 3:
[20:07] I love that, dude.

Speaker 1:
[20:08] Yeah, she's out there. I went and visited. I was the only guy in the stands like, come on, bitch.

Speaker 2:
[20:13] That's great.

Speaker 3:
[20:13] Just like all of women's sports.

Speaker 2:
[20:17] Yeah. Bro, I was wearing it. So I took with me anything I took with me. I got to be able to not take it home because of the odds of it getting stolen or go up or losing something, stains, whatever. So I took with me a Yankee Giveaway Nasty Nester T-shirt. It's not in the Yankees anymore. I'm like, I still like it. It's just the mustache. Yeah. But I'm like, so I wear it at the baseball game. Some guy started sending me drinks, beer after beer. Try to send them. No, no, I'm cool. Then I went up to talk to him. I was like, all right, I can afford a fucking $2 beer.

Speaker 1:
[20:46] Yeah, that's the one.

Speaker 2:
[20:47] That's the one.

Speaker 1:
[20:48] There you go.

Speaker 2:
[20:49] Sick shirt. Good pull on the ones and twos. Yeah. Anyway, I went over there. He goes, I'm 16. I can't drink. He just looked older. He was with his mom. And he goes, I'm a humongous Yankee fan. I noticed you wearing that. And I was just like, I'm so stoked. Have you been to Yankee Stadium? I'm like, bro, like 50 times. Oh. I went to the World Series game. He's like, no fucking way. Send me another drink. At the end of the game, I was like, buddy, this is yours.

Speaker 1:
[21:12] Wow.

Speaker 2:
[21:13] I just gave it to him and walked home to topless.

Speaker 1:
[21:16] Hell yeah.

Speaker 2:
[21:17] He goes, I couldn't. And his mom's like, shut up. He goes, I can, I can. He was so happy. He was so stoked.

Speaker 1:
[21:23] Has he heard of the internet? I mean, he could have bought one instead of spending $48 on beers.

Speaker 2:
[21:28] Yeah, you could just get one.

Speaker 1:
[21:29] But it means more from the old man.

Speaker 3:
[21:30] Yeah, it's a story.

Speaker 1:
[21:31] It's a story, yeah. An American Yankee fan gave me this shirt. This is hit the spot.

Speaker 2:
[21:36] That's a taste. That is a taste.

Speaker 3:
[21:38] I would like that.

Speaker 1:
[21:38] Oh, we have one.

Speaker 3:
[21:39] I'd like the show to switch over.

Speaker 1:
[21:41] We have two. Do we have three?

Speaker 2:
[21:43] Well, that's a two is not enough.

Speaker 5:
[21:44] Yeah. Oh.

Speaker 1:
[21:47] The rule of threes. Look at that.

Speaker 2:
[21:50] Wow.

Speaker 1:
[21:50] Very exciting.

Speaker 2:
[21:51] Oh, you upscaled it with a toasted lime there.

Speaker 3:
[21:55] Oh, yeah.

Speaker 1:
[21:55] You took the jacket off.

Speaker 3:
[21:56] It smells good. So, a caipirinha is Brazilian, right?

Speaker 2:
[21:59] A caipirinha is Brazilian. Maybe you can make it with cachaça or vodka. What did you make it with? Cachaça. Nice. That's the right way.

Speaker 1:
[22:06] If it's Brazilian, there's no pubes in it. That's right.

Speaker 2:
[22:09] That's right.

Speaker 5:
[22:10] That's not in the recipe.

Speaker 1:
[22:14] Damn.

Speaker 2:
[22:15] That's so fucking refreshing.

Speaker 3:
[22:17] So, what's in a caipirinha?

Speaker 1:
[22:17] What is in that?

Speaker 5:
[22:18] Cachaça.

Speaker 2:
[22:19] Cachaça.

Speaker 5:
[22:20] Shit ton of sugar, shit ton of lime.

Speaker 1:
[22:22] That's why.

Speaker 3:
[22:23] That's it.

Speaker 2:
[22:23] It's a shit ton of sugar. It masks it so well.

Speaker 1:
[22:26] It really does.

Speaker 2:
[22:27] I had multiple barfing days and then going, what the fuck? And then finding other people at the hostel, goes, no, they made them stronger there. They put in an extra sugar.

Speaker 3:
[22:36] Yes, they're false.

Speaker 2:
[22:37] It fucked us all.

Speaker 3:
[22:37] Not that I'm an adult man puking. It was on them.

Speaker 1:
[22:42] Boy, that is delightful.

Speaker 2:
[22:44] Yeah. Damn, that is really good. Right on the beach. Imagine yourself on the beach.

Speaker 3:
[22:48] That's crazy.

Speaker 2:
[22:49] With shades on, so you can stare at all the butts. Just like light head movements, but stare at butts.

Speaker 1:
[22:53] And dare I say Brazilian butts are the pinnacle of...

Speaker 3:
[22:57] Why, they call them the lift.

Speaker 1:
[22:58] That's right. They got the lift. The BBL.

Speaker 2:
[23:01] The Brazilian butt lift, yeah.

Speaker 1:
[23:02] Yeah, they got that in the wax.

Speaker 2:
[23:04] Dude, their bathing suits are shaped different. They won't fit American women.

Speaker 3:
[23:08] Wow. I feel like we've lost a lot of good influencers to that surgery.

Speaker 1:
[23:11] Yeah.

Speaker 3:
[23:12] A lot of women have gone down.

Speaker 2:
[23:14] What do you mean?

Speaker 3:
[23:15] Just, you know, they're like, we're talking about TikTok star 30 Dead from Butt Lift. You see a lot of those headlines.

Speaker 1:
[23:21] Right.

Speaker 3:
[23:21] It's dangerous.

Speaker 1:
[23:22] It is, yeah. And then you get a bad job, and they put all kinds of firestone tires in there and shit. They got to fill it out. Firestone tires. I think you get some weird, a couple of old boots.

Speaker 2:
[23:35] Yeah. Wow.

Speaker 1:
[23:36] Yeah. I think Kim K is getting hers removed.

Speaker 2:
[23:37] Boots on the mound.

Speaker 3:
[23:39] She's getting a butt reduction.

Speaker 1:
[23:41] I heard that.

Speaker 2:
[23:41] Kim Kardashian or Kim Kongan?

Speaker 1:
[23:43] Kardashian.

Speaker 2:
[23:44] Oh. Because it's out now.

Speaker 1:
[23:46] Yeah. Kongan can afford that.

Speaker 3:
[23:47] The butts are out?

Speaker 2:
[23:48] I guess.

Speaker 3:
[23:49] I feel like a good butt.

Speaker 2:
[23:50] Jesus. I mean, that's not a good butt, though.

Speaker 1:
[23:52] That's a large.

Speaker 2:
[23:53] That's crazy. But Ro Martins into that.

Speaker 1:
[23:56] Ample cheek.

Speaker 3:
[23:57] Yeah. Like it's a little too much?

Speaker 2:
[23:58] It's a little too much. It's ridiculous.

Speaker 3:
[24:01] I remember meeting one of those women. I saw she was a butt person and I saw her at a show. I was like, oh, your butt is way too big. It looked cool in that photo. Then I saw it. I was like, this is a crime.

Speaker 1:
[24:12] Yeah. Look at that.

Speaker 6:
[24:14] That's silly. That's lunacy.

Speaker 1:
[24:17] How do you penetrate that? How many inches do you need to?

Speaker 3:
[24:20] You need a running start, I'll tell you that.

Speaker 2:
[24:22] That's an only fuck from the front.

Speaker 1:
[24:24] Yeah, I need a booster dick.

Speaker 2:
[24:25] If you love missionary, get that implant.

Speaker 3:
[24:27] I stood in the phone book, the fucker.

Speaker 1:
[24:28] Right, exactly. You need an assistant. You need the thing you use when you shoot pool, when you can't reach. My dick on the bridge, yeah.

Speaker 3:
[24:39] Oh my God.

Speaker 1:
[24:40] That is a lot of rumble.

Speaker 3:
[24:42] Too much ass, dude.

Speaker 2:
[24:43] Too much ass. You need fucking a vacuum changer where they can see if it's still faulting or even right.

Speaker 3:
[24:49] You don't need that much ass when you're that, how do you even hold it up?

Speaker 2:
[24:52] You gotta gain some weight to make it look okay. You gotta make it look like it's possible.

Speaker 3:
[24:56] It's killing all the asses.

Speaker 1:
[24:58] That's true.

Speaker 3:
[24:58] Maybe that's why asses are going out, the Ozempic.

Speaker 1:
[25:01] That probably is part of it.

Speaker 2:
[25:02] I heard the airline industry, because of Ozempic, saved $42 million in fuel costs last year.

Speaker 1:
[25:07] I heard the same thing.

Speaker 3:
[25:08] Is that real?

Speaker 2:
[25:08] People weigh less, they're less transport.

Speaker 1:
[25:11] Because they can tell you, hey, your bag's too heavy, but you can't go, hey, Brenda's too heavy.

Speaker 2:
[25:16] 20 pounds across the board off.

Speaker 1:
[25:18] Wow.

Speaker 2:
[25:19] Times 200.

Speaker 1:
[25:19] There you go.

Speaker 4:
[25:20] Oh, Ari, have you heard about the height holocaust in the MLB?

Speaker 1:
[25:24] Whoa, boy.

Speaker 2:
[25:24] First of all, I love a reuse of holocaust, so.

Speaker 3:
[25:27] That feels like not earned. I feel like you didn't earn holocaust here, but let's see where it's going.

Speaker 2:
[25:32] The height holocaust in MLB, okay?

Speaker 4:
[25:33] Yes, because the ABS strike zone thing, every major league baseball player has to measure themselves properly, because the strike zone is, it changes.

Speaker 2:
[25:42] So, Judge's strike zone just went way bigger?

Speaker 4:
[25:44] Yes, and people who said that they were 6'1, are actually 5'10.

Speaker 2:
[25:47] Oh. Oh, they're lying.

Speaker 4:
[25:49] Yeah.

Speaker 3:
[25:49] Yeah, that sounds a lot like the holocaust.

Speaker 2:
[25:53] It's almost.

Speaker 3:
[25:53] Good use of the word there.

Speaker 1:
[25:54] 6'1, 6 million.

Speaker 2:
[25:55] I mean, if that was the holocaust, where they're like, we need your actual heights, you're like, I don't want to, like, we're forcing you to, because we're totalitarian regime. It wouldn't have the same, it wouldn't hit as hard.

Speaker 3:
[26:05] Jewish baseball players in the holocaust, I'd like to challenge that. Can we get a video replay?

Speaker 2:
[26:11] That's so funny.

Speaker 3:
[26:13] Damn.

Speaker 1:
[26:13] So what happens?

Speaker 4:
[26:14] So people who are registered on their baseball card says they're 6'1, 6'2, they actually have to be accurately measured for this ABS strike zone.

Speaker 3:
[26:22] Because they've been lying about this for years. But why, I never understood, I feel like in every sport, in everything, I feel like even like pro wrestling, they'd be like, he's 6'9, and 480 pounds, you'd be like, no, he's not.

Speaker 2:
[26:34] No, he's not, no, he's like, no, outside Kansas City. It's just not very well known, but it's known. It's a suburb.

Speaker 3:
[26:41] Because you'll see, I've seen some of these players in person, I'm like, I'm taller than this dude. And he claims he's 6'3.

Speaker 2:
[26:47] Well, Barclay's thing was like, when he got in, they were like, what? He goes, well, that was his shoes on. Like, even with shoes on, you're not that tall.

Speaker 3:
[26:53] Really? Barclay's 6'4, and he was like, 6'4, that's a power forward. And he was guarding like 6'10, dude.

Speaker 2:
[26:59] That's Steph Curry's height.

Speaker 3:
[27:00] I know.

Speaker 1:
[27:01] No, he's 6'2.

Speaker 2:
[27:02] He's 6'3.

Speaker 3:
[27:03] Yeah, he's like Steph Curry's height, kind of. It's crazy.

Speaker 1:
[27:05] Damn.

Speaker 3:
[27:07] Barclay was just a fucking ox, dude. He was just built and strong and explosive.

Speaker 6:
[27:11] All right, I take it back.

Speaker 3:
[27:12] Yeah, but I think he's 6'3.

Speaker 2:
[27:14] I'm sorry.

Speaker 3:
[27:15] I think it's got to do.

Speaker 2:
[27:16] It was ridiculous.

Speaker 1:
[27:17] I've looked all these up.

Speaker 2:
[27:18] You were positive, and I was wrong.

Speaker 1:
[27:20] There you go, Barclay.

Speaker 4:
[27:21] With shoes, 6'3.

Speaker 3:
[27:22] There you go.

Speaker 4:
[27:23] Wow.

Speaker 1:
[27:24] Damn, yeah. Club Shea Shea was 6'2. I thought he was gonna be huge.

Speaker 3:
[27:27] You know that's not his name. Nice to meet you, Club Shea Shea.

Speaker 2:
[27:33] So demeaning.

Speaker 3:
[27:35] I was just over with my friend, the Joe Rogan Experience earlier.

Speaker 2:
[27:39] That's beyond their character name.

Speaker 1:
[27:43] I was hanging out. We had a pizza with Barstool. Portnoy.

Speaker 3:
[27:49] That's still hilarious you did that show.

Speaker 1:
[27:52] No, it was crazy. We drank cognac the whole time.

Speaker 2:
[27:54] You did the pizza thing with Dave?

Speaker 1:
[27:55] No, Shea Shea. Cognac is very good. It's kind of like a DeSaronno or whatever.

Speaker 2:
[28:01] I saw Portnoy in the streets about a year ago. I was like, oh, let me go say. I was inside a coffee shop. I saw him. I was like, let me go say. Then it hit me like, he doesn't know me.

Speaker 6:
[28:11] What am I going to say to him?

Speaker 1:
[28:12] He might know of you.

Speaker 2:
[28:13] Hey, I've heard of you.

Speaker 1:
[28:14] Right.

Speaker 2:
[28:17] I ate at one of your pizza places once.

Speaker 1:
[28:18] That is the tough thing when you see. But people do that to you all the time.

Speaker 2:
[28:21] I know. Then I second guess. I was like, don't do that.

Speaker 3:
[28:23] It won't go well.

Speaker 1:
[28:24] Good point.

Speaker 3:
[28:25] But he might know you.

Speaker 1:
[28:26] He might know. You're very recognizable. Look at his outfit.

Speaker 2:
[28:29] The side, sure. Yeah.

Speaker 6:
[28:31] For the front, not as much.

Speaker 3:
[28:32] Was he eating pizza on the street or was he just hanging?

Speaker 2:
[28:34] I think he was doing something. He had a camera guy with him.

Speaker 1:
[28:36] Oh, yeah. You don't want to fuck with that shit.

Speaker 2:
[28:38] It's a good setup scene.

Speaker 1:
[28:40] But you got to look. You look like a rabbi in Burning Man.

Speaker 2:
[28:42] Yeah. You're laughing a little too hard over there.

Speaker 1:
[28:46] I mean, in South America, when you were in the middle of nowhere, where people were like, who's this fucking weirdo?

Speaker 2:
[28:52] Yeah, some of those places. Guatemala is, say whatever you want about every country. That is the shortest country I've ever been to.

Speaker 1:
[28:58] Yeah, really?

Speaker 2:
[28:59] And if you have a Guatemalan fix-it guy, a super, they're tiny.

Speaker 1:
[29:03] Whoa.

Speaker 3:
[29:04] Why is that?

Speaker 2:
[29:05] Mayans. They had to get under those fucking carved doorways.

Speaker 6:
[29:08] Interesting. So they didn't have to duck.

Speaker 3:
[29:11] Isn't Guatemala known for jungles and volcanoes and stuff?

Speaker 2:
[29:13] Mm-hmm, that too.

Speaker 1:
[29:14] And nannies.

Speaker 6:
[29:17] Yeah.

Speaker 1:
[29:17] Hey, nanny.

Speaker 3:
[29:18] What was the best part of Guatemala?

Speaker 1:
[29:22] Besides the bathtub.

Speaker 2:
[29:22] Besides the quetzalteca? So I was there a few years ago, not this time. And I went to this northern, northern town. I've heard about the, you'll like this. I heard about a Schwyz, a very specific Schwyz.

Speaker 3:
[29:33] Love a Schwyz.

Speaker 2:
[29:33] That's just there. Or something like that, native. And I went to find it, some nuffin town. No shuttles go there. You got to take bus after bus after bus to get there. Yeah. And so I'm there, did it, market day is the next day. I'm like, let me stay for market. I'm the only white guy for months.

Speaker 1:
[29:50] Yeah.

Speaker 2:
[29:51] So they were like, everyone was talking to me.

Speaker 6:
[29:53] World Cup was going on.

Speaker 1:
[29:54] Oh shit.

Speaker 2:
[29:55] And then they love soccer in Latin America. So everywhere I went, I'd be like, it'd be like a electronic store. They'd be like, is there a game play? Like, come on in. Absolutely. And they loved Messi. They were all in on Argentine because they was their representative. So I was watching at some burrito place, across the street at a pharmacy. I had like 20 guys watching. And they were looking at me and they were like, you're rooting for Netherlands? And I'm like, no, you're from the Netherlands. I'm like, I'm not from the Netherlands.

Speaker 6:
[30:21] I'm like, come on, dude, you're Netherlands.

Speaker 3:
[30:22] You can tell by my voice I'm not from the Netherlands, right?

Speaker 2:
[30:25] But then I can't tell the difference. It's so funny, like, where do you think I'm from? Like, Australia? I'm like, do I sound Australian? Like, to us, yeah.

Speaker 3:
[30:32] Wow.

Speaker 2:
[30:34] So anyway, so they're like, come watch with us. Watch a second half over there.

Speaker 3:
[30:37] Were you secretly kind of rooting for the Netherlands?

Speaker 2:
[30:38] Sort of. Yes, yes, I was rooting for the Netherlands. As soon as they invited me in, I'm all fucking Argentina.

Speaker 1:
[30:45] Yeah.

Speaker 2:
[30:45] And then they won in a shootout, like a comeback shootout in overtime. And then they sent their kids off to get some Quetzalteca. They're like, we gotta celebrate, you're drinking.

Speaker 6:
[30:54] And I'm like, show them.

Speaker 2:
[30:56] And you're gonna have it. It's ass.

Speaker 3:
[31:00] It's ass.

Speaker 1:
[31:01] Yeah.

Speaker 3:
[31:02] It's like they're malort.

Speaker 2:
[31:05] Kind of, yeah.

Speaker 1:
[31:06] Do you ever worry like, all right, I'm blacking out with these strangers in the middle of Guatemala. I gotta get home. I gotta get back to my tree house or whatever the fuck.

Speaker 2:
[31:15] No, I got no home. It's fine if they invite me to a place.

Speaker 1:
[31:17] Oh, you know, hotel, you know.

Speaker 2:
[31:18] Hostels, hostels. Their place was like this. That place was like this $3 a night hotel.

Speaker 1:
[31:23] Yeah.

Speaker 2:
[31:24] With a dog that runs around, just like poops everywhere, but like white, like it had been there for quite some time. With a shower way away that dripped. It was so cold, I had to get those two of those Jesus candles and light them just to heat up my apartment or my little room.

Speaker 1:
[31:41] Yeah. Holy moly.

Speaker 3:
[31:43] You live an interesting life, man. It's amazing.

Speaker 2:
[31:45] Yeah.

Speaker 3:
[31:46] I'm with Mark. You're very trusting. I mean, you're getting blacked out from... I mean, there are... People are cool. Most people are cool.

Speaker 2:
[31:53] That's the story. The story is not Jordan missed three shots. The story is Jordan went 23 of 26 for 57 points.

Speaker 1:
[32:01] Ah, I see what you're saying.

Speaker 2:
[32:02] People are cool.

Speaker 3:
[32:03] You stay positive.

Speaker 2:
[32:04] People are cool.

Speaker 1:
[32:04] Yeah.

Speaker 2:
[32:05] It's not that it's not even a rare thing. But almost always people are cool.

Speaker 1:
[32:08] There's pickpocketing going on.

Speaker 3:
[32:09] Not just that. People become uncool with booze sometimes.

Speaker 2:
[32:12] Yeah.

Speaker 1:
[32:13] True.

Speaker 2:
[32:14] Yeah. Oh, yeah.

Speaker 3:
[32:15] Not anyone we hang out with anymore because you lose those people.

Speaker 1:
[32:18] You weed them out.

Speaker 3:
[32:19] You drink with the people who you don't want to be... We all know the people we're talking about, who are going to corner you and get dark, like a dark cloud where you're like, oh, boy.

Speaker 2:
[32:26] I got to get out of this.

Speaker 1:
[32:27] Oh, yeah.

Speaker 2:
[32:28] So let me tell you another game I played with Kate Zaltake. I was going to a rivalry game in some city in Guatemala. Doesn't even matter.

Speaker 1:
[32:39] Baseball?

Speaker 2:
[32:40] No, this is a soccer game.

Speaker 1:
[32:41] Got it.

Speaker 2:
[32:42] And so everyone's out there partying before the game. There's no booze because it's a rivalry game. They don't want fights.

Speaker 1:
[32:48] Damn.

Speaker 2:
[32:49] So we're out there. Then it starts raining. Everyone crowds in under the awning of bodegas. Bodegas, get it now?

Speaker 1:
[32:55] Hell, yeah.

Speaker 2:
[32:56] And then we start talking to some people, you know? It's me and like three guys in the house. Like, what? You guys aren't from here. What do you know? Like, we're just going to check out soccer. And we start talking. They're like, what do you know about the... I'm like, not much. They start teaching us chants, stuff like that. They go, eventually they go, you're sitting with us. I'm like, no, no, no. We couldn't get tickets there because like, that's like your home. It's right behind the goal. And he goes, fuck that. You're coming in. I'm like, but our ticket's not there. None of that matters. But I was like, all right, we're all getting drunk ahead of time because there's no booze in there. And then they start going, oh, there's booze in there.

Speaker 1:
[33:26] Ah, boy.

Speaker 2:
[33:27] What do you mean? He goes, you just got to take it in. And they taught me something that I'm going to teach all of you now.

Speaker 1:
[33:32] Oh, here we go.

Speaker 3:
[33:32] Get ready for him to spread his butt cheeks.

Speaker 2:
[33:34] Do you have any plastic bags, anything small?

Speaker 1:
[33:37] Oh, he might be on to something.

Speaker 5:
[33:38] I have the bag that the limes came in.

Speaker 2:
[33:41] Okay.

Speaker 3:
[33:41] Do you have a balloon?

Speaker 2:
[33:42] Dump that. Unless you have something smaller. Unless you have something smaller.

Speaker 5:
[33:46] That seems bigger.

Speaker 2:
[33:47] That seems bigger.

Speaker 5:
[33:48] Do you just shoot this?

Speaker 2:
[33:50] No.

Speaker 5:
[33:51] I can bring any cocktails with it. Like a Coke bag?

Speaker 2:
[33:53] Yeah, it's a shooter. Okay, let me show you something.

Speaker 6:
[33:56] And they have flavored versions of it too.

Speaker 1:
[33:58] All right. Now, when I was at LSU, we used to put booze and Ziplocs and line our coats.

Speaker 2:
[34:04] Oh, really?

Speaker 1:
[34:04] Yeah.

Speaker 2:
[34:05] So this is a thing I'm gonna teach you guys that this will get you booze into any place, anywhere.

Speaker 1:
[34:10] All right, this is exciting. Hot tip, folks.

Speaker 6:
[34:11] This is what they taught us.

Speaker 2:
[34:13] They go, okay, they're gonna search you, but not search you that that well.

Speaker 1:
[34:16] All right. Let me get a hit of that.

Speaker 2:
[34:21] It's not bad. The smell is not the worst.

Speaker 1:
[34:24] I thought it was gonna be like kerosene.

Speaker 5:
[34:25] I'm just a little sip right now. I don't believe it.

Speaker 3:
[34:27] It smells like Purell.

Speaker 2:
[34:28] Okay.

Speaker 1:
[34:29] Yeah. Good for the air insides.

Speaker 2:
[34:31] So you pour it into a bag. This is what they teach you to do.

Speaker 3:
[34:35] And you just put it in your shirt or something?

Speaker 2:
[34:37] I mean, they have smaller bags at the bodegas.

Speaker 1:
[34:39] It's like an ivy.

Speaker 5:
[34:40] It's like a little capris sun.

Speaker 2:
[34:42] Yeah.

Speaker 5:
[34:42] That could go wrong.

Speaker 2:
[34:44] And then, and they have these bags everywhere there.

Speaker 6:
[34:46] You tie it off, whatever.

Speaker 1:
[34:48] All right.

Speaker 2:
[34:49] Keyster it. That's exactly right.

Speaker 1:
[34:52] Okay.

Speaker 2:
[34:52] So they go, this feels like what your balls feel like.

Speaker 1:
[34:55] Oh.

Speaker 4:
[34:57] How do you keep it there though?

Speaker 2:
[34:59] It's in your waistband.

Speaker 3:
[35:02] TSA is about to get so much worse after this video.

Speaker 2:
[35:04] If they get you, what's that gonna feel like? Women too. That's just a cancer. Yeah.

Speaker 5:
[35:08] I was gonna say, I don't think I could get away with that.

Speaker 2:
[35:09] Yes, you can. Who's gonna go like this when they're churching you?

Speaker 4:
[35:12] Mark, can you frisk him? Yeah.

Speaker 1:
[35:16] It feels like a ball bag. I'll give it to you.

Speaker 2:
[35:18] During the game, it's just a slow, you pull it out, and then you go.

Speaker 6:
[35:24] Wow.

Speaker 1:
[35:27] So no sharing.

Speaker 2:
[35:30] They're sharing.

Speaker 6:
[35:33] Oh, my God.

Speaker 3:
[35:35] You couldn't have gotten a pineapple?

Speaker 1:
[35:35] What is happening? That was great. I'm okay.

Speaker 3:
[35:42] I'll try it, though.

Speaker 1:
[35:43] There's one cube on there.

Speaker 5:
[35:45] I have shot glasses.

Speaker 2:
[35:46] I mean, that's definitely a classier way to do it. So I asked the guy, like, so you got one on you now? He goes, I have 17 on me.

Speaker 1:
[35:52] Whoa, that's a big ball bag.

Speaker 5:
[35:53] That's a lot of balls.

Speaker 2:
[35:54] Yeah. So we got into the stadium, and he goes, hey, they're carrying this giant flag in. Go grab the flag as if you're working with them. I mean, this is like massive, it covers the whole section.

Speaker 1:
[36:03] Yeah.

Speaker 2:
[36:04] So we're like, okay. He goes, just sneak in with them. Just snuck in with them. And then at some point, I'm sitting there, me and the three guys, and then somebody goes, hey, hey, said something in Spanish, like this. And I'm like, what? And he said it, then he's like, I had trouble understanding Spanish, especially early on like that. And he goes, hey, you cannot sit here. This is not for you. And I was like, okay. And then that guy who invited us was way back goes, they're cool, they're with us. Okay.

Speaker 5:
[36:27] This is quite the lineup we have.

Speaker 1:
[36:29] Thank you.

Speaker 3:
[36:31] So you're all good?

Speaker 2:
[36:31] Yeah, we're all good. It was such a fun experience.

Speaker 1:
[36:35] Whoa, hey, Mazel Tov.

Speaker 3:
[36:37] Are we shooting this or are we just taking a sip? What are we doing?

Speaker 6:
[36:39] You can take a sip.

Speaker 1:
[36:39] Take a sip, we gotta see what we're gonna do.

Speaker 6:
[36:41] Whoa.

Speaker 1:
[36:44] If you get enough of those, you can just say you got prostate cancer.

Speaker 6:
[36:47] You just tried some?

Speaker 4:
[36:48] It's ass.

Speaker 6:
[36:50] That's not great.

Speaker 3:
[36:50] I mean, it's so. I don't hate it. I don't hate it. I don't hate it.

Speaker 1:
[36:54] Nah, it's not bad.

Speaker 3:
[36:56] It's got like a hint of like, vegetable oil. You know what reminds me of a little bit? What's that stuff the Greeks drink?

Speaker 1:
[37:01] Ouzo.

Speaker 3:
[37:02] Ouzo. It's got like a hint of that type of like wood type flavor, which I actually don't mind.

Speaker 1:
[37:06] No, I don't mind it. This is not bad.

Speaker 2:
[37:08] I'm shocked you could get this here.

Speaker 5:
[37:10] It's from Houston, Texas.

Speaker 1:
[37:11] You can find anything.

Speaker 5:
[37:12] That's what the back of the bottle says.

Speaker 2:
[37:14] Wow, the importers.

Speaker 4:
[37:15] It's not bad.

Speaker 5:
[37:15] The Greek liquor isles.

Speaker 3:
[37:17] What do you guys think over there? You don't like it?

Speaker 4:
[37:18] I didn't try it. What do you think, Peters?

Speaker 5:
[37:19] It's palatable, but.

Speaker 1:
[37:21] Yeah. A lot. It's better than vodka.

Speaker 2:
[37:23] Alcohol distilled from molasses.

Speaker 3:
[37:25] I get a question, Ari. When you're in these, when you're gone for what? Were you gone eight months?

Speaker 2:
[37:29] No, not like that. Yeah, about, yeah.

Speaker 3:
[37:32] When you're gone for eight months, what do you miss the most about America?

Speaker 1:
[37:36] Hey, good question.

Speaker 2:
[37:37] That's a great question.

Speaker 5:
[37:38] Not drinking out of ball bags?

Speaker 2:
[37:41] Dude, if you don't think I'm doing that in any sport I go to from now on, just to save the money.

Speaker 1:
[37:45] I'm with you.

Speaker 2:
[37:45] Forget about dry games.

Speaker 6:
[37:47] They cost a lot.

Speaker 1:
[37:48] Oh, yeah.

Speaker 2:
[37:49] It's crazy.

Speaker 3:
[37:50] Oh, Yankee Stadium, forget about it.

Speaker 2:
[37:51] I'm getting boozy.

Speaker 5:
[37:52] $28 for a surfside at Yankee Stadium.

Speaker 2:
[37:57] It's like, whoa, 16 ounces.

Speaker 3:
[37:58] I said, do you see that thing that Gio Hulli posted where he said Netflix didn't kill movie theaters, whatever popcorn and movies, whatever you're charging for popcorn and movies. He said like $6 soda or whatever. Like, all right, you haven't been to a movie in a while. Yeah. But he said like, but it was like those prices kill movies. I was like, you're not wrong. There's some truth to it.

Speaker 1:
[38:17] Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2:
[38:18] They make it acceptable. That's why I like when in Atlanta, their football stadium, they're like, we're going to be affordable. Like one dollar hotdogs, five dollar beers. It used to be. They're like, once you're in, we want you to have a good time and come back for Falcons games and for like whatever.

Speaker 3:
[38:32] What did you miss most about?

Speaker 2:
[38:34] So there's some stuff I missed, and there's some stuff when I got back that I realized, oh, I had been missing that.

Speaker 1:
[38:40] Okay.

Speaker 2:
[38:41] You know, miss my dog. Like, I mean like crazy. I made so many friends with street dogs.

Speaker 1:
[38:47] You were lonely.

Speaker 2:
[38:48] Yeah, I went so nuts with street dogs. Found some, you give them a couple treats, start buying treats, a couple of treats. They'll go with you for like a three hour hike and come back.

Speaker 1:
[38:56] You know, no worry. They're going to gnarled your leg on the way up.

Speaker 2:
[38:59] They beat to death the bad ones.

Speaker 1:
[39:01] Oh, nice.

Speaker 2:
[39:02] So it's taken care of me, for me. So when I got back, what I really noticed is brushing your teeth with sink water.

Speaker 1:
[39:11] That's big.

Speaker 2:
[39:12] Glorious and flushing toilet paper instead of throwing it away.

Speaker 1:
[39:16] Eww, what about a tampon?

Speaker 2:
[39:19] What?

Speaker 1:
[39:20] What happens with that?

Speaker 5:
[39:20] What happens with your tampons in South America?

Speaker 2:
[39:23] Well, I mean, I do what I always do. I just choke them in alcohol and throw them up there.

Speaker 3:
[39:27] Bring them into the game and then slurp on them.

Speaker 2:
[39:29] Yeah, if you're not boofing, you ain't living.

Speaker 1:
[39:32] T-shirt.

Speaker 2:
[39:35] Yeah, that part was, Bobby Kelly says something funny. He goes, it's funny, like...

Speaker 1:
[39:39] Finally.

Speaker 2:
[39:41] That's crazy.

Speaker 1:
[39:43] Just joking, Bobby.

Speaker 2:
[39:46] He said it's more dangerous to brush your teeth with tap water there than to brush your teeth with toilet water here.

Speaker 1:
[39:52] Yeah, I believe that.

Speaker 2:
[39:54] You could dip your tooth in there and then brush your teeth, and they're like, you'll be fine.

Speaker 3:
[39:57] And that was the whole Seinfeld episode. When they dropped the toothbrush, it was the girl from Second City, remember?

Speaker 1:
[40:03] Yes, yes, yes. My wife did all the right things in Mexico. She did one tap water with the toothbrush on accident. She forgot, she was like, oh, that's three drops of tap water. She got Montezuma's revenge, it ruined the whole trip. She was.

Speaker 3:
[40:17] It's such a funny word for shitting yourself.

Speaker 1:
[40:19] I know.

Speaker 6:
[40:20] Who's Montezuma?

Speaker 3:
[40:21] I don't know.

Speaker 4:
[40:21] I think he was a Spanish conqueror, and they said, and he killed a lot of the Aztecs.

Speaker 1:
[40:26] Yeah.

Speaker 4:
[40:27] And then they said, he said, where's the gold? And they're like in the middle of the country, and they sent in the middle of the country, and all of his guys died of that.

Speaker 2:
[40:34] Dysentery.

Speaker 4:
[40:35] Dysentery.

Speaker 2:
[40:36] So there's revenge on Montezuma.

Speaker 4:
[40:38] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2:
[40:38] And not his revenge.

Speaker 4:
[40:39] Yes.

Speaker 1:
[40:40] Got it. Damn. Yeah.

Speaker 2:
[40:42] Grammatically, it's problematic. It's not Montezuma's revenge.

Speaker 1:
[40:47] Okay, now let's flip it. What did you get back to America and go, I missed that shit when I was over there?

Speaker 2:
[40:54] I gotta be honest, and it's, I don't know. It's not you guys I'm attacking. You guys here, I mean, it's us, obsessed with politics in an unclassy way.

Speaker 1:
[41:05] Unclassy?

Speaker 2:
[41:06] It's just tacky, the amount that we talk about politics here.

Speaker 1:
[41:10] Yeah, we tried not to do it on air.

Speaker 2:
[41:13] Yeah, no, you guys are good about it on air, for sure, for sure. It's smart not to, but just like-

Speaker 1:
[41:16] Just in general.

Speaker 3:
[41:17] I feel like it's everywhere, so you kind of, unless, yeah, you try to make this escapist as possible. I think that's what people want.

Speaker 2:
[41:24] That's what they want.

Speaker 3:
[41:26] At least here.

Speaker 1:
[41:26] Yeah, but remember when you were in the 90s, and somebody brought up Kosovo, and you're like, shut up, you nerd, Sarajevo, hey, they're bombing and whatever, you're like, get out of here, you dweeb.

Speaker 2:
[41:36] Back then, you'd be like, I've never heard of that, what's going on?

Speaker 1:
[41:38] Yeah, trying to watch Beavis and Butthead.

Speaker 2:
[41:39] No one had a take already.

Speaker 1:
[41:41] Yes, now we have a take on everything.

Speaker 2:
[41:42] Trying to watch Beavis and Butthead is exactly right.

Speaker 3:
[41:44] Yeah, I try not to weigh in unless I got a good joke. Joke, a joke.

Speaker 1:
[41:49] But you still gotta watch it to write the joke.

Speaker 3:
[41:51] Totally.

Speaker 1:
[41:51] So you're still consuming.

Speaker 3:
[41:52] No, yeah, no, it's a problem. Yeah, but you gotta know what's going on in the world, too.

Speaker 1:
[41:57] I guess.

Speaker 2:
[41:57] Do you?

Speaker 1:
[41:58] Do you, though, yeah. Why do I know who Scaramucci is?

Speaker 2:
[42:00] Let me ask you two questions. How is your life different knowing vs. not knowing? And how is the world gonna change whether you or don't know?

Speaker 3:
[42:07] I'm not gonna change. Nothing I'm gonna do is gonna change the world regardless.

Speaker 2:
[42:10] Yeah.

Speaker 3:
[42:10] It's just I just want to know stuff. I mean, how are you gonna change the world reading a Steinbeck book?

Speaker 2:
[42:16] Right, no, you're not.

Speaker 3:
[42:16] It's knowledge. It's good. It's good to take things in.

Speaker 2:
[42:19] That's fair.

Speaker 1:
[42:20] But Steinbeck is art. He's a brilliant writer. This is a hey, Swallow blew me.

Speaker 2:
[42:24] Political discussion by people who have barely researched things.

Speaker 3:
[42:28] Yeah, I think you could tune out a lot of the current events, the scandals and stuff.

Speaker 1:
[42:32] Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 3:
[42:33] But there's stuff you should know.

Speaker 1:
[42:35] There's stuff you should know. But I think people make it their whole personality.

Speaker 2:
[42:39] I think it's way more important to know what was going to happen with the L train that ended up not happening. We got together, we go, that can't happen. And we change their fucking plans.

Speaker 1:
[42:48] Hear, hear.

Speaker 2:
[42:49] Village.

Speaker 1:
[42:50] Takes a village.

Speaker 2:
[42:52] Montezuma's revenge. So what would it be to be grammatically correct? Revenge on Montezuma.

Speaker 1:
[42:57] There you go.

Speaker 2:
[42:59] We need something catchier, though.

Speaker 1:
[43:00] Yeah. Fuck Montezuma.

Speaker 4:
[43:04] I'm double checking my Montezuma facts.

Speaker 1:
[43:06] All right. But it was, I mean, she was laid up, and I got to look at the toilet at one point, and it was just yellow bubbly liquid.

Speaker 3:
[43:14] You just hand divorce papers under the door.

Speaker 1:
[43:18] She would have been able to sign them. She had no energy.

Speaker 3:
[43:20] Damn, that sucks.

Speaker 1:
[43:21] It was bad. I had to help her to the toilet.

Speaker 3:
[43:24] And that's love right there, that's love. We always think of love as like bullshit, but love is taking care of someone when they're fucking struggling.

Speaker 1:
[43:30] Yeah, I was wiping her ass.

Speaker 3:
[43:31] You're a good hubby. You were wiping her?

Speaker 1:
[43:34] Well, I would hand her the paper towel.

Speaker 2:
[43:36] That's a good question.

Speaker 1:
[43:37] I hit her with a hose.

Speaker 2:
[43:38] What's your name?

Speaker 5:
[43:39] I'm Maddie.

Speaker 2:
[43:40] Maddie, nice to meet you. Are you always here?

Speaker 5:
[43:42] Sometimes.

Speaker 2:
[43:43] The other guy took off.

Speaker 3:
[43:45] When we have a guest, when we have a guest who we know wants to have a couple of cocktails, it's a good idea.

Speaker 6:
[43:49] And we don't know what the we're making.

Speaker 2:
[43:50] I did tell them, I was like, what I'm asking you to make, that's not a simple pour. You're going to need someone.

Speaker 3:
[43:55] Are there other drinks that we planned?

Speaker 2:
[43:57] I did say get a bow type of person.

Speaker 3:
[43:59] That's perfect.

Speaker 1:
[43:59] Let's get another round of a new thing.

Speaker 5:
[44:02] Get a Pisco Sour going.

Speaker 3:
[44:03] Ooh, this is what you were talking about.

Speaker 2:
[44:06] This is Peru.

Speaker 5:
[44:07] Peru?

Speaker 2:
[44:08] Peru. So there's a battle going on on who invented the Pisco.

Speaker 1:
[44:12] Macho Picchu.

Speaker 2:
[44:17] Macho Pisco.

Speaker 6:
[44:18] I like it. I like it.

Speaker 2:
[44:20] I didn't quite understand it, but I like it. It's either Chile or it's Peru. They're both like, fuck them. We have the Pisco.

Speaker 1:
[44:29] Got it.

Speaker 2:
[44:29] The Pisco is from us. Now, I believe it's clearly Peru.

Speaker 1:
[44:33] Okay.

Speaker 2:
[44:34] The reason is because they think it originates from a city named Pisco.

Speaker 3:
[44:40] Yeah. Are they both calling it the Pisco?

Speaker 2:
[44:42] Yeah. End of story.

Speaker 3:
[44:44] Yeah.

Speaker 2:
[44:45] End of story.

Speaker 3:
[44:46] What is a Pisco Sour?

Speaker 5:
[44:48] It's Pisco Sour and sweet, simple, a little bit of egg white.

Speaker 2:
[44:53] Oh, egg white. You get it in different flavors. I will tell you.

Speaker 5:
[44:56] First Pisco Sour, I have had it in blueberry.

Speaker 3:
[44:57] Get some protein in our day.

Speaker 2:
[44:58] Blueberry, yeah.

Speaker 5:
[44:59] Because I've been to Chile and Argentina.

Speaker 2:
[45:01] Really?

Speaker 5:
[45:01] I hiked Patagonia two Novembers ago.

Speaker 2:
[45:04] Nice. I was just there last November.

Speaker 1:
[45:07] So what is this, like a rum kind of stuff?

Speaker 2:
[45:11] It's its own thing.

Speaker 1:
[45:12] Oh, it's its own thing.

Speaker 2:
[45:12] It's like Malortz. It's its own thing.

Speaker 3:
[45:13] What is it? Look up what Pisco is.

Speaker 2:
[45:15] Wait, where did you go in Patagonia? Where did you hike? I was there last November. I was there a year after.

Speaker 5:
[45:20] Yeah, last November. So the trip was Chile and Argentina.

Speaker 1:
[45:26] It's a great brand name.

Speaker 5:
[45:27] It's supposed to be a longer trip, but we got stuck in the Miami Airport for 37 hours.

Speaker 6:
[45:31] Oh.

Speaker 5:
[45:32] It's not fun.

Speaker 2:
[45:33] Peru and Chile both claim its origin.

Speaker 1:
[45:35] There you go.

Speaker 5:
[45:35] All the way down to Punta Arenas.

Speaker 1:
[45:37] It's kind of like the Wright Brothers. Everybody go, they had the Wright Brothers.

Speaker 5:
[45:39] They're like, they're from here.

Speaker 1:
[45:41] First in flight.

Speaker 5:
[45:42] I'm like, it gotta be one place.

Speaker 1:
[45:44] Same with Rosa Parks. Everybody claims Rosa Parks.

Speaker 5:
[45:46] After being stuck in Miami for 37 hours, we'll see a penguin.

Speaker 2:
[45:49] I saw the penguins right after they gave birth. There's a bunch of baby penguins.

Speaker 5:
[45:52] So cute.

Speaker 1:
[45:53] Wow, that's fun.

Speaker 2:
[45:54] Yeah. Ah, the dads would come back with a bunch of grass and put it in there. Yeah.

Speaker 4:
[45:59] I want to correct the record on Montezuma. I fucked up. He was an Aztec ruler who Spanish killed. And this was his revenge on the back.

Speaker 1:
[46:06] This is his revenge.

Speaker 2:
[46:07] That makes sense.

Speaker 1:
[46:08] That makes sense dramatically.

Speaker 3:
[46:11] I bet someone in the comments already beat you too, though. Someone who had this diarrhea was like, I looked it up.

Speaker 2:
[46:17] This is my favorite comment. You don't know anything about Montezuma's revenge. And then, no explanation? No? What should we know? Just, you're wrong. I'm not going to tell you what the real thing is.

Speaker 1:
[46:27] Also, if I would remember it, I don't want to be the diarrhea guy.

Speaker 3:
[46:30] Can I just be the conqueror?

Speaker 2:
[46:32] Can you just make people waste two days on a vacation?

Speaker 3:
[46:35] Right before he died, he's like, I'll get my revenge.

Speaker 1:
[46:37] I'll get my revenge.

Speaker 5:
[46:41] Did you hike Patagonia at all? Because we did Torres del Paine on the Chile side, and then Mount Fitz Roy on the Montanion side.

Speaker 2:
[46:47] Torres del Paine, I was in a camper, and I parked wild camping on a river bank in the middle of nowhere. And Torres del Paine was past the river, way, way in the distance for two days. You saw a glimpse of it for like 10 minutes on day three. Got sunny, opened up, and you just got this most beautiful view you've ever seen in your life.

Speaker 5:
[47:08] That's fabulous.

Speaker 1:
[47:09] Now, do you feel when you're out there, you're representing America? Like, do you try to be nice and try to go, hey, I tip well, I'm cool to everybody, I'm an American?

Speaker 2:
[47:21] I do notice some American stereotypes. If you're removed enough, you notice it. Like, you know when you haven't seen somebody in a while, you're like, oh, I never realized, you're kind of this. Kind of this way.

Speaker 1:
[47:30] Yes, yes.

Speaker 2:
[47:31] We are confident where no confidence is warranted.

Speaker 1:
[47:35] We didn't earn it.

Speaker 2:
[47:36] We will go into American feminism is stupid feminism, American sports knowledge is stupid sports knowledge.

Speaker 3:
[47:41] We'll claim we know what Montezuma Revenge is without even researching it.

Speaker 2:
[47:45] We are so fucking confident.

Speaker 1:
[47:47] Blindly.

Speaker 2:
[47:48] And just like carry conversations. We're great at a party. We bring attitude to a party. Australians bring, I'll find the coke in the city.

Speaker 1:
[47:58] Yeah. You know what? We're louder too.

Speaker 2:
[48:01] We're loud. We know what we're doing even if we don't.

Speaker 3:
[48:04] Why are we so confident?

Speaker 2:
[48:06] I think it's our most dominant place.

Speaker 1:
[48:08] That's it.

Speaker 5:
[48:09] Something about the tea in the harbors.

Speaker 2:
[48:11] Yeah. When we come from wealth, the poor people here are one percenters in other countries. Yeah.

Speaker 1:
[48:17] We're the white women of countries. We're the white women of countries. We're entitled. We want everything.

Speaker 4:
[48:22] We're confident.

Speaker 6:
[48:22] That's a bit. Hey, I got a bit.

Speaker 4:
[48:25] Dunning Krueger.

Speaker 2:
[48:26] What is that?

Speaker 4:
[48:27] It's the dumbest person is the most confident in their beliefs.

Speaker 1:
[48:29] Ouch.

Speaker 2:
[48:30] Ronnie Chang had a great bit about it during COVID. He was like all these dummies talking about how viruses are spreading. You were a D student. You're supposed to shut the fuck up and let the A students talk. Now the D students are all talking. That's funny. Yeah. Same people who know how metal burns during 9-11. You don't know any of this. Shut the fuck up, D student.

Speaker 1:
[48:49] Yes, that's so true.

Speaker 2:
[48:51] Dunning Cruder. Cognitive bias for low ability individuals overestimate their competence.

Speaker 1:
[48:56] It's true.

Speaker 3:
[48:57] What's your favorite country that you went to on this one? What's your favorite South American country?

Speaker 2:
[49:03] Favorite is Ecuador. I spent six months there.

Speaker 4:
[49:06] Why is that?

Speaker 2:
[49:07] Wow. When stuff shut down, and I remember a Soder story of he went to the airport to go do the Tempe Improv.

Speaker 1:
[49:17] Okay.

Speaker 2:
[49:18] And then they called him, they turned around, they shut down.

Speaker 1:
[49:21] COVID.

Speaker 2:
[49:21] Turn around, yeah. He was already playing a one-third capacity room.

Speaker 1:
[49:25] Right.

Speaker 2:
[49:26] And then he was like, so he spent $100 to get to the airport, $100 back, can't even go. So he was just out $200, no shows, you didn't call him for spots. And I was like, I don't want to be here for this. This seems like the right time to get away.

Speaker 1:
[49:40] Yes.

Speaker 2:
[49:41] So I got away to Ecuador.

Speaker 1:
[49:43] You and O'Neill.

Speaker 2:
[49:45] What?

Speaker 1:
[49:45] You and O'Neill?

Speaker 2:
[49:46] No.

Speaker 1:
[49:47] Didn't he go?

Speaker 2:
[49:50] No.

Speaker 1:
[49:50] List.

Speaker 2:
[49:50] List visited me.

Speaker 1:
[49:51] Okay.

Speaker 2:
[49:52] Sorry. O'Neill came to me with Machu Picchu.

Speaker 1:
[49:56] That's what I saw.

Speaker 2:
[49:58] I remember doing an ad read for you guys. I did for my old podcast, Long Live Skeptic Tank. You had a podcast I recorded ahead of time, Us in a Car. I go, he's got a new podcast called, you had a different title for this.

Speaker 1:
[50:14] One More Drink.

Speaker 2:
[50:15] One More Drink. It's me in front of a waterfall.

Speaker 3:
[50:18] There was a pod called One More Drink already with six reviews, but we were like, let's just not take another name even if they might not exist anymore.

Speaker 1:
[50:26] Yeah.

Speaker 2:
[50:26] I mean, This We Might Be Drunk is way more fun.

Speaker 1:
[50:28] All right.

Speaker 3:
[50:30] The spirit of this pod was One More Drink because of Mark and I just being at the cellar and seeing each other. You used to drink every night and then you see each other once a week because of the road. It turned into One More Drink and then we would close the bar.

Speaker 2:
[50:42] My own core memory of New York stand-up comedy, two. One is being immediately put on the late show at the cellar. So I'm like, these are booze bags and I'm in. Learning how to appreciate a bullet ride on the rocks.

Speaker 1:
[50:55] Yeah.

Speaker 2:
[50:56] With booze bags and lists for no reason.

Speaker 1:
[50:59] Like the next booze bag.

Speaker 2:
[51:00] Yeah. Then the other memory was us being at the old Fablac bar, which used to be a fucking jam.

Speaker 1:
[51:07] Yeah.

Speaker 2:
[51:08] And me and Normand, just one more beer, one more beer, one more beer. And then all of a sudden you see a light cracking through the windows. And you're like, oh no, but also, oh yes.

Speaker 3:
[51:17] Yeah.

Speaker 1:
[51:17] You get out and this guy's like picking up all the garbage or deliveries going and you're like, oh no.

Speaker 2:
[51:22] Yeah.

Speaker 3:
[51:22] You feel like a loser, but you also feel kind of cool because it's that like rat pack photo.

Speaker 1:
[51:26] Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2:
[51:27] Yes, exactly.

Speaker 3:
[51:28] We're like, all right.

Speaker 2:
[51:29] Ask people going to work and you're going to sleep.

Speaker 1:
[51:31] Yeah.

Speaker 3:
[51:32] The problem is that the Fablac, which those you don't know is like the satellite room of the comedy seller, they just would, they used to just be a bar and they wouldn't kick us out.

Speaker 2:
[51:40] They wouldn't kick us out. And free drinks.

Speaker 1:
[51:42] Free drinks.

Speaker 3:
[51:43] And the staff would be drinking with us and like, do not try to go toe to toe with that bar staff. Because holy shit, they'll drink you under the table.

Speaker 1:
[51:49] You got that right.

Speaker 3:
[51:50] But we try and we'd still leave at like six, seven in the morning sometimes.

Speaker 2:
[51:53] You win if you fail.

Speaker 3:
[51:54] Yeah. But man, it would get wild and fun and just like, it was just, if the vibe was right, it was hard to leave.

Speaker 5:
[52:01] Yeah.

Speaker 2:
[52:01] When they got that new seller they're about to open, like, does that mean we can get the bar back? And they're like, no.

Speaker 3:
[52:05] I'm like, well guess who fought for the wall though in there? That's me.

Speaker 2:
[52:08] Save the show buddy. I went in there. There was, since I was gone, I'm like, there's no wall.

Speaker 3:
[52:12] We couldn't talk at the bar.

Speaker 1:
[52:13] I know. Much better show. Now what? All right, so whatever.

Speaker 2:
[52:16] So anyway, in Ecuador, when I was like, I'm off. This is silly. Let me get out of here. I've wanted to travel. It's time to now. So I went to Ecuador for six months.

Speaker 1:
[52:25] Damn.

Speaker 2:
[52:26] Took my dog, just got to rented a car and just drove around the country. Meanwhile, during that time, you guys, Schultz, TwoBear, all these guys massively succeeded.

Speaker 1:
[52:37] Look, Tim Dillon, throw it up.

Speaker 2:
[52:38] Yeah, everybody did.

Speaker 1:
[52:40] I don't know where or when that was.

Speaker 3:
[52:42] That was the old studio, dude.

Speaker 2:
[52:43] That's the old studio.

Speaker 1:
[52:44] I guess we were putting them back.

Speaker 2:
[52:45] Where was that? Look at that hair on that guy. Look at us wearing matching shirts.

Speaker 1:
[52:50] Oh yeah, it was a flannel day. I remember that.

Speaker 2:
[52:52] Still have those socks.

Speaker 1:
[52:54] I lost those pants drinking.

Speaker 4:
[52:56] That was a Boulevardier day.

Speaker 1:
[52:57] I went out drinking one night. I woke up with no pants.

Speaker 2:
[52:59] Where was this? Where was this?

Speaker 4:
[53:01] 38th Street. It's like a block away.

Speaker 2:
[53:02] Wow.

Speaker 1:
[53:03] Yeah, Ari, like 12 years younger.

Speaker 2:
[53:05] God damn.

Speaker 1:
[53:05] You've aged there.

Speaker 3:
[53:06] This is a nicer studio. That green is kind of ugly. I never realized that.

Speaker 1:
[53:10] Yeah.

Speaker 3:
[53:11] What were we, Moe's Tavern?

Speaker 1:
[53:13] Look at these colors.

Speaker 3:
[53:14] These colors are rough.

Speaker 1:
[53:16] Oh yeah.

Speaker 6:
[53:16] Normand's out.

Speaker 1:
[53:18] I'm out. Well, hey, don't make me pull up the picture of you at the Rogan studio.

Speaker 2:
[53:22] I think they lost that picture.

Speaker 6:
[53:23] I think it's a little bit off the internet.

Speaker 1:
[53:26] Keep it.

Speaker 2:
[53:27] Anyway, so that, because I was there for six months, Ecuador is my favorite, for sure. I have a soft spot in my heart. They qualify for the World Cup this year.

Speaker 3:
[53:34] What about Ecuador is so great, though?

Speaker 2:
[53:37] The people, the food.

Speaker 3:
[53:40] What kind of food is that? I don't even know what Ecuador is.

Speaker 2:
[53:41] It's not that much specific to Ecuador, besides encebollado. They have a specific type of ceviche, but it's just the freshest fish. And it's like, there's no real tourism board, so it's just like, everything you find is untouched.

Speaker 1:
[53:55] Yeah.

Speaker 2:
[53:56] And also they think the $2 bill is magical.

Speaker 1:
[53:59] Oh, I can see that.

Speaker 2:
[54:00] So you whip out a two at a place, they use the American dollar.

Speaker 1:
[54:03] Oh, really?

Speaker 2:
[54:04] Yeah.

Speaker 1:
[54:04] And it's just cheap as shit?

Speaker 2:
[54:06] Everything's cheap.

Speaker 1:
[54:07] See, that's the thing, I did your podcast before you left, and I was like, are you worried about money? You're gonna be gone for eight months. You're gonna run out of money because you're not working. And you said, the amount I'm saving on this apartment alone is gonna pay for the whole trip.

Speaker 2:
[54:20] I could not, I could not spend $6,000 in a month in South America.

Speaker 3:
[54:26] That's crazy, even where you're staying there.

Speaker 2:
[54:30] Hostels mostly. Yeah. So get a private, you don't tell anybody else, but you get a private and it's like 70 bucks.

Speaker 1:
[54:38] Damn.

Speaker 2:
[54:41] Or dorms for like 15, if there's no privates available, which is fine. It's fine. You're not in them.

Speaker 1:
[54:47] That's crazy.

Speaker 2:
[54:48] That fucking, I have no memory of that.

Speaker 1:
[54:50] That was a crazy day.

Speaker 2:
[54:51] He drank me under the table.

Speaker 1:
[54:53] To Ari's credit, you got up after an hour's sleep. We all left you and went out to eat, and you got up and did the show later.

Speaker 2:
[55:00] I didn't do the show, but I was up enough for it.

Speaker 1:
[55:02] Okay.

Speaker 2:
[55:04] I met up, I was like, let me get some tacos. I saw Rogan, I got up and I went over to the Rogan's pool room, and he's in there with like four high-level pro professionals of pool. But I'm like, what? Anyway, how I guess, hey buddy.

Speaker 6:
[55:17] Then they drove me home.

Speaker 2:
[55:18] You guys are trying to get me up, but come on, buddy, I've been drunk before. Leave me. I want to be on the floor.

Speaker 1:
[55:25] Yes.

Speaker 2:
[55:25] We've all been drunk. I know it's raining. I know.

Speaker 3:
[55:28] Because you tried to go toe to toe with Shane with beer.

Speaker 1:
[55:30] Yeah.

Speaker 3:
[55:31] Shane's got a lot of weight on you.

Speaker 2:
[55:33] Shane also is a bully to the point he's got, thank you. Well, he does have a lot of weight on him.

Speaker 3:
[55:37] He's got a lot of weight on you.

Speaker 1:
[55:39] He does this, he's been conditioning himself to drink Bud Lights for the past 12 years.

Speaker 2:
[55:43] I've been coming off sobriety.

Speaker 3:
[55:44] It's literally the equivalent of me bullying a girl on a date with like heaven other. Yeah, it's the same level of bullying.

Speaker 2:
[55:50] It's the same.

Speaker 1:
[55:51] Yes, thank you.

Speaker 3:
[55:51] Between your weight difference, the difference with Shane's?

Speaker 2:
[55:54] Yeah.

Speaker 3:
[55:55] Wait, what is it?

Speaker 2:
[55:55] So the night before, the day before we were all talking.

Speaker 3:
[55:57] Oh, guys, it's been a while since we talked about this. All right, let's do this. It takes a while to make this one.

Speaker 2:
[56:01] I'm sorry.

Speaker 3:
[56:02] Thank you so much, Matt.

Speaker 2:
[56:03] The day before we were all talking, I was like, I'm going to go toe to toe with you tomorrow. He goes, really? I go, actually, maybe not. Maybe one for two. He goes, so you're immediately being pussing out?

Speaker 6:
[56:10] All right, hold on, hold on.

Speaker 2:
[56:11] Let me get my...

Speaker 3:
[56:12] No, Shane will monitor your drinks.

Speaker 1:
[56:14] He will I will monitor.

Speaker 3:
[56:15] I hate the monitoring.

Speaker 1:
[56:16] Well, I'm opening for him this weekend, and I heard he quit boozing. So we shall see. Bullshit. I'll get him going again. I got Rogan going again. Nice. Iqbar. This episode is brought to you by Iqbar, exclusive snack, hydration and coffee sponsor. Iqbar protein bars, Iqmix hydration mixes, and Iqjo mushroom coffees are low sugar fuel designed to keep you going throughout the day. The ultimate sampler pack is a great way to try everything. You get nine Iqbars, eight Iqmix sticks, and four Iqjo sticks so you can test out different flavors and see what fits your routine. Iqbar protein bars give you a plant-based protein and fiber without added sugar. Boy, those nips are hard.

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[57:39] Okay, you've stopped. Who's going, is this costing me data? That's a crazy thing.

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Speaker 2:
[59:56] Sarah, the weather is getting warmer. What are we going to start doing?

Speaker 3:
[59:59] As the weather gets warmer, you start opening windows, spending more time outside. And that's when the bugs start showing up again. These fucking bugs, cunts. Pesties is a simple way to deal with it before you can.

Speaker 2:
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Speaker 2:
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Speaker 3:
[60:17] You need a customized kit, you mean? Something you need with a sprayer, pesticide gloves and instructions.

Speaker 2:
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Speaker 3:
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Speaker 2:
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Speaker 2:
[60:35] Oh, great.

Speaker 3:
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Speaker 2:
[60:39] What is it, like $1,000?

Speaker 3:
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Speaker 6:
[60:44] What the fuck, man?

Speaker 3:
[60:46] It gets bugs out of your house. Pesty. Go to pesty.com/mightbedrunk for an extra 10% off your order. That's P-E-S-T-E-T-I-E. pestie.com/mightbedrunk.

Speaker 2:
[61:02] I love that Sam was like, I'm not really drinking much lately.

Speaker 3:
[61:06] For like a month, I had to take a minute. Wait, wait, wait. I did take a minute off. Starting a business or launching something online can feel overwhelming, especially when you're trying to manage everything at once. Shopify is a platform that brings all of that into one place used by millions of businesses and it handles a significant portion of-

Speaker 2:
[61:28] Can I break into this podcast ad read for a second?

Speaker 3:
[61:30] Yes. Come by Ari. What's up?

Speaker 2:
[61:32] At arishaffir.com, I do use Shopify.

Speaker 3:
[61:35] It's huge.

Speaker 6:
[61:35] Yeah.

Speaker 2:
[61:37] I didn't use it because I got in this podcast today. I've been using it.

Speaker 3:
[61:41] Ari's got big fake tits, so he knows what he's talking about. Look at those jiggle. Shopify includes tools that help you write product descriptions, approve product images, and streamline your workflow. You can also create an email and social campaigns to reach customers and grow your audience.

Speaker 2:
[61:55] Yeah, sure. That's all great and narrow, but can it handle like shippings and returns and shit?

Speaker 3:
[62:00] It sure can, Ari. Sign up now for your $1 per month trial at shopify.com/drunk. Go to shopify.com/drunk, shopify.com/drunk. That would be number one.

Speaker 1:
[62:17] That is frothy and delicious.

Speaker 3:
[62:20] So the grape liqueur.

Speaker 2:
[62:21] Great job.

Speaker 1:
[62:22] This would feel good against your ball back.

Speaker 3:
[62:24] What is this?

Speaker 2:
[62:24] This is a staple of Cusco, the jewel of Latin America. This is a staple there, and it's just like, they're shockingly strong. You also can get them just straight, high level. Pisco, over rocks and stuff, like rum in Dominican Republic is like nicer.

Speaker 3:
[62:42] And just Pisco straight is really good.

Speaker 2:
[62:43] Yeah, but people mostly do Pisco sours. That's their drink.

Speaker 1:
[62:46] Now I get why they're fighting over this. This is delightful.

Speaker 3:
[62:48] This is really fucking good.

Speaker 5:
[62:50] I added a splash of pineapple to just make it a little.

Speaker 3:
[62:52] How does this compare, Ari, to like a Chilean or whatever Peruvian?

Speaker 2:
[62:58] Right there.

Speaker 5:
[62:58] Yeah, how does it compare?

Speaker 2:
[62:59] Right there. No, if I got this at a bar, Pisco, I'm like, great, thank you, this is awesome.

Speaker 5:
[63:03] Thank you. Yeah.

Speaker 1:
[63:04] What would that be at a bar? 14 cents?

Speaker 2:
[63:07] I mean, yeah, like $3.

Speaker 1:
[63:10] Nice.

Speaker 5:
[63:11] When you were in Argentina or Chile, was the currency rate constantly changing? Because when I just went, each, it was like per shop, they would be doing the math.

Speaker 2:
[63:20] Bolivia was that.

Speaker 5:
[63:21] Interesting.

Speaker 2:
[63:22] So Bolivia was, it was seven to one, but they're like, you are dumb if you try to go to a bank and get seven to one. That's dumb because the actual street currency was between 11 and 14 to one.

Speaker 1:
[63:36] Whoa. Wow. That's crazy.

Speaker 5:
[63:38] I went with a guide for all the hiking and we were like, oh, where can we exchange our bills? And they're like, no, no, keep it American. Because every single shop is going to be different. And sure enough, it was. We would go into one restaurant. We're like, okay, how much does this cost? They'd be like, one second, and then they'd get out a calculator and do it for math.

Speaker 2:
[63:54] And they'd go like this and turn it.

Speaker 5:
[63:55] And then show it. And then you'd go to, and you're like, oh, I think I know what the conversion rate is. I think it's this. And then you would go to a different shop.

Speaker 2:
[64:01] It's a massive difference. Math would be completely different. For a hundred bucks, how far it'll go, it'll go two extra days if you just get to the right place.

Speaker 1:
[64:08] Now, you're exotic over there where the lady's going, hey, who's this hunk of Jew?

Speaker 2:
[64:15] My hair, what's left of my hair would get touched a lot.

Speaker 1:
[64:17] Oh, that's the telltale sign.

Speaker 2:
[64:20] Yeah.

Speaker 1:
[64:21] Little beard play.

Speaker 2:
[64:22] Yeah. That wasn't as much as I would have loved, but it was all right. Yeah, the locals are like, what are you, yeah, I'm trying to think why I went to the deep jungle and stuff.

Speaker 1:
[64:33] More action from the street dog.

Speaker 2:
[64:35] It wasn't like Cambodia or Thailand where they see you as a way out.

Speaker 1:
[64:39] Right, right, yeah.

Speaker 2:
[64:41] There, they're really like, oh, I could get this one.

Speaker 3:
[64:43] They latch on you.

Speaker 1:
[64:44] Yeah.

Speaker 3:
[64:45] Really?

Speaker 2:
[64:45] Bro.

Speaker 3:
[64:46] Like how?

Speaker 2:
[64:48] Two ways in Cambodia or Thailand, they can get you on the hook. One, I'm moving you back to the States.

Speaker 1:
[64:56] Sure.

Speaker 2:
[64:56] To Tucson. Oh my god, what a better life.

Speaker 1:
[64:59] Classic.

Speaker 6:
[65:00] What?

Speaker 5:
[65:00] Did you say Tucson?

Speaker 2:
[65:01] Yeah.

Speaker 5:
[65:01] Sorry, I'm proud.

Speaker 6:
[65:02] Oh, really?

Speaker 2:
[65:03] Well, that was my example of the dumbest city I could think of.

Speaker 5:
[65:06] Oh, okay.

Speaker 1:
[65:07] I keep Tucson shitty.

Speaker 6:
[65:08] Wait, how many times?

Speaker 2:
[65:09] The second level is, just send me 500 bucks twice a year for my kids. I'm having trouble, and they have like eight of those guys on the hook for that. How you been? I'm doing great. I'm having a little trouble. My kid needs braces.

Speaker 1:
[65:23] I consider ghosting her if I get back.

Speaker 2:
[65:26] These old men are like, right, 500 bucks, not that much. Make your day. They do that twice a year. And they think, I'm still going to fuck her again when I get there. So those are the two ways they get you on the hook there. They really see that as like, you as an out in Latin America. They're not.

Speaker 6:
[65:42] Maybe Columbia.

Speaker 1:
[65:44] Yeah, I can see that. Now, are there nightclubs? What do you do at night?

Speaker 2:
[65:48] Depends where. Columbia is one of the most, Medellin is one of the most worldly cities in the world.

Speaker 1:
[65:53] Oh, I didn't know that.

Speaker 2:
[65:54] It's so high level. It's so cool. The food, the artsy bars. You know when you go to a cool East Village bar?

Speaker 1:
[66:03] Yeah.

Speaker 2:
[66:05] That's everywhere in Columbia.

Speaker 1:
[66:06] Oh, I didn't know that. I just know the blow capital.

Speaker 6:
[66:10] Oh, we did have a fun time once at Toot Park.

Speaker 1:
[66:13] Toot Park? Toot, toot?

Speaker 2:
[66:14] Nope.

Speaker 1:
[66:15] Oh.

Speaker 2:
[66:15] Prosta.

Speaker 1:
[66:16] Ah.

Speaker 3:
[66:18] Really?

Speaker 2:
[66:18] Yeah.

Speaker 3:
[66:19] What's happening there?

Speaker 2:
[66:20] Prostits.

Speaker 3:
[66:21] But what's the game like? What's it look like?

Speaker 2:
[66:23] So it's a nice park.

Speaker 1:
[66:25] Okay.

Speaker 2:
[66:26] It's mostly, find out where it is, you'll see it.

Speaker 1:
[66:30] Toot Park.

Speaker 2:
[66:30] It's mostly cement, but a little some trees and shit. And you just go see the Prostits. Cops are there. They don't care.

Speaker 1:
[66:37] That's legal.

Speaker 2:
[66:38] Yeah. And we just bought like Lucy's crushes and just sat and smoked and watched these toots get picked up.

Speaker 1:
[66:45] Wow. Was that her name?

Speaker 2:
[66:46] It's so fun.

Speaker 3:
[66:47] It's like the zoo for adults.

Speaker 2:
[66:49] What?

Speaker 3:
[66:49] It's like the zoo for adults.

Speaker 1:
[66:50] Is it Medellin?

Speaker 2:
[66:51] Medellin. It's Medellin. Yeah. Sorry. Yeah. It's so fun to watch. And you see most guys just go in trying to talk because they want to talk themselves into actually paying for it. Yeah. They don't just go, how much? They go, what's your name?

Speaker 3:
[67:02] How do these prostitutes look? Are they attractive or no?

Speaker 2:
[67:06] Sam, you're a question champ.

Speaker 3:
[67:08] Charlie Rose, baby. Yeah. I'm that drunk.

Speaker 2:
[67:13] The mixture between like, you could never score one at a bar to, to like just girl next door, like regular girl.

Speaker 1:
[67:21] That's still pretty good range. You're not getting a Salacuse.

Speaker 2:
[67:24] No.

Speaker 5:
[67:25] All right.

Speaker 1:
[67:28] Yeah, because you always hear about these Patrice O'Neill.

Speaker 3:
[67:29] Salacuse in a tube top would be pretty rough.

Speaker 1:
[67:31] Oh, God.

Speaker 6:
[67:32] Oh, tube top.

Speaker 1:
[67:33] You always hear about the Patrice O'Neill, and Norton would always go to Brazil to get hookers back in the day. Yeah.

Speaker 6:
[67:38] Wait, what is that?

Speaker 4:
[67:40] How?

Speaker 1:
[67:40] Who's that guy?

Speaker 4:
[67:42] That's the guy from Spin Doctors I was trying to do.

Speaker 1:
[67:44] That's fun.

Speaker 2:
[67:44] Oh, I was like, wait. I was like, I'm wearing that hat now. So one or two princes kneel right in front of you. He's been to Peru, clearly. Yes.

Speaker 6:
[67:58] Hold on. What's up?

Speaker 1:
[68:00] Reversible.

Speaker 6:
[68:01] That's right, buddy.

Speaker 2:
[68:02] That's alpaca.

Speaker 3:
[68:03] Hell yeah.

Speaker 1:
[68:03] Damn.

Speaker 3:
[68:06] Salacu's in a dress. I'm like, just make it quick. Come on.

Speaker 6:
[68:08] Just like my dick.

Speaker 2:
[68:11] It's a good picture, brother.

Speaker 6:
[68:13] That is good.

Speaker 2:
[68:14] Guys, honestly, here's what I missed. My friends.

Speaker 6:
[68:17] Hey.

Speaker 2:
[68:18] Yeah. A lot of times I was in a bar or not hikes. Hikes were different people, but in a bar and stuff like that, I'd be like, damn, like you guys, specifically you two would have been like, fuck, if I could just like say come down.

Speaker 6:
[68:33] You'd love these places. Yeah.

Speaker 1:
[68:35] I hear you. Because you can't really connect with the scene. You don't have the same inside jokes and you don't know the same shit.

Speaker 2:
[68:41] You don't have the inside jokes. It's like, oh, you guys would make fun of these guys with me.

Speaker 6:
[68:44] Right.

Speaker 3:
[68:44] Do you get lonely at all?

Speaker 6:
[68:46] Yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 2:
[68:47] There's moments of extreme, extreme, like, like soul crushing loneliness. But it's just moments.

Speaker 1:
[68:55] But see, that's when I would go to the phone. I'd be like, oh, what's he up to? Let me look at his Insta or what's this guy up to?

Speaker 3:
[69:01] You don't even bring a phone.

Speaker 2:
[69:02] I took that ability away from me.

Speaker 1:
[69:03] Good for you.

Speaker 3:
[69:04] You just didn't have a.

Speaker 2:
[69:05] No, I got a phone, got a new number with no, none of my contacts, none of my emails, none of nothing. And so if I had to look up a flight or a bus or whatever, I would do it on the phone. Or if I met somebody, I'd be like, yeah, I'll talk to you tomorrow. Let's do it.

Speaker 1:
[69:19] Yeah.

Speaker 2:
[69:19] But yeah.

Speaker 1:
[69:22] Did you get a little too chummy with some guys where you're like, what are you doing tomorrow? And some guys are like, hey, well, I'm leaving tomorrow. Get off me.

Speaker 2:
[69:30] Yeah, a couple of times I got too lonely and clingy. With dudes.

Speaker 6:
[69:33] It was funny.

Speaker 2:
[69:33] It's like, I got like leery with dudes.

Speaker 1:
[69:36] Yeah, I've been there.

Speaker 2:
[69:37] I need companionship.

Speaker 1:
[69:39] Yeah.

Speaker 6:
[69:40] You've been there?

Speaker 1:
[69:41] Yeah, I had that in college. I just went to college without knowing people. And I was like, what are you guys doing? And they're like, oh.

Speaker 6:
[69:47] Something else.

Speaker 1:
[69:48] Yeah, exactly.

Speaker 2:
[69:49] Where's else?

Speaker 1:
[69:50] Yeah.

Speaker 3:
[69:51] Well, you're starting from scratch.

Speaker 2:
[69:53] Starting from scratch.

Speaker 3:
[69:54] It felt good.

Speaker 2:
[69:55] Kind of like Norm saying we lost all his money, you know? And you're clean. I'm like, I've got to bring something to the table.

Speaker 3:
[70:02] Norm is so zen though. You just piss away a shitload of your, maybe your whole life's money. And then you're just like, it's good. Like that's crazy to me.

Speaker 1:
[70:13] Crazy.

Speaker 2:
[70:14] I'm sure there was a moment where he wasn't like, right away he wasn't like, this is good. It was like, probably came to terms with that.

Speaker 3:
[70:19] Totally.

Speaker 2:
[70:19] But so there is something though that I realized, like, look, I'm a, whatever I am as a comedian, I'm somewhere, I'm not the best, I'm not the worst. I'm somewhere. But I'm a professional New York comedian.

Speaker 1:
[70:35] Hell yeah.

Speaker 2:
[70:36] Raised in LA., perfected in New York. I'm so much funnier than a norm core person in Guatemala.

Speaker 1:
[70:43] Right.

Speaker 2:
[70:44] It's your gift. It's no question.

Speaker 1:
[70:46] Yes.

Speaker 2:
[70:47] If Brian Scalabrini was just playing pick up hoops in Cambodia, he would dominate. Like, who's this fucking redhead?

Speaker 3:
[70:53] I love when he does that shit, too.

Speaker 2:
[70:54] White Mamba, yeah. And it's just like, so it's like, my weapon is humor, and you're like, oh, I'm actually really funny compared to the whole world.

Speaker 1:
[71:03] Of course, you're the 1%.

Speaker 2:
[71:04] Yeah, so that part was kind of cool. I could bring something to the table.

Speaker 1:
[71:08] But there's a language barrier, there's a culture barrier. So you gotta figure out what they laugh at. Because, you know, we've all had jokes in the middle of nowhere where you're like, this is funny, and people are like, shut up. Shut up doesn't work. So you gotta find their thing.

Speaker 2:
[71:23] Yeah, find out something to reference.

Speaker 1:
[71:25] Yeah, you know, you're like, oh, fucking, this guy did a lot of Pisco. What are you, gay? You know, or whatever. Like, hey, is that a ball bag, or is that a drink?

Speaker 3:
[71:36] He wrote that Pisco one before the show.

Speaker 2:
[71:38] He was, he wrote it ahead of time.

Speaker 1:
[71:40] Yeah.

Speaker 4:
[71:40] So are you there trying to write it?

Speaker 2:
[71:43] Not trying to write it all.

Speaker 4:
[71:43] You're not trying to write it all?

Speaker 2:
[71:45] No.

Speaker 3:
[71:45] But did you write by just, by being there, did you just have like a notepad of it once in a while?

Speaker 2:
[71:48] I had a notepad for like, well, I journaled.

Speaker 3:
[71:50] That's cool.

Speaker 2:
[71:51] Like, I wanna keep track of all the stuff. I tried every day, and sometimes it would like fall behind five days, and like, I'd catch up. Like, what did I do? Just like, bed to breakfast the other way. Just so I can remember names and places and stuff.

Speaker 3:
[72:05] That is kind of what being a comic is, is journaling, is you're just like, this happened to me today. Can I make this into a thing?

Speaker 2:
[72:13] Yeah, I'll write from that later.

Speaker 1:
[72:17] Yeah.

Speaker 2:
[72:18] Like, I have the stuff, so it'll start to come out.

Speaker 3:
[72:20] You'll reread and be like, oh, this is kind of funny.

Speaker 2:
[72:22] Yeah, I've done it before. And then I'll like start, like, let me do a story about this. And then it'll be like, let me go back to my old journal in like Latin America or Southeast Asia and then find about some bus in Vietnam. Like, oh, right, that guy was there.

Speaker 6:
[72:34] Yes.

Speaker 2:
[72:35] I forgot about that part. And then that goes into it.

Speaker 1:
[72:39] I do that with my phone. I'm like, looking over old photos.

Speaker 6:
[72:41] Oh, photos.

Speaker 1:
[72:41] Oh, wow, 2016, I did this?

Speaker 2:
[72:44] Yeah, I tried the whole place. I forgot I went to.

Speaker 3:
[72:47] I went to a gay bath house.

Speaker 6:
[72:48] What was that?

Speaker 2:
[72:49] Wait, I blew three dudes and took a spit roast?

Speaker 3:
[72:52] That was crazy.

Speaker 2:
[72:53] I remember the blowing, not the spit roast.

Speaker 3:
[72:55] This is terrible.

Speaker 1:
[72:56] On the last pod, I talked about the going to Mexico in college, and my friend who was there with me goes, hey, I have photos from that weekend. I was like, oh my god, send them to me. So he sent me the photos. Donkey show, the bar. It's just me like arm in arm with some crazy fat Latina. I have no memory of this. I don't remember the shirt I'm wearing. I didn't know half the guys on the trip. Insane. Wow.

Speaker 2:
[73:20] After college, you're so much freer then.

Speaker 1:
[73:22] Oh, completely.

Speaker 3:
[73:23] You've just taken that credo and you just made it your thing now.

Speaker 2:
[73:27] Yeah, I guess.

Speaker 1:
[73:28] Yeah.

Speaker 2:
[73:29] Honestly, guys, I think we're all-

Speaker 3:
[73:30] There's no way you were freer in college. Look at you right now.

Speaker 1:
[73:32] Good point.

Speaker 3:
[73:32] You're very free.

Speaker 1:
[73:33] Yeah, fair. When your life flashed before your eyes, it's going to be long and weird. Speaking of long and weird.

Speaker 3:
[73:44] Yeah, are you ever going to do a one-man show type thing? Maybe some kind of special, just like, hear all the places I've been and- That's a good idea. Because not many people have just shut off like you, like off the grid.

Speaker 2:
[73:57] Yeah. I'm trying to write a book of short stories about it.

Speaker 1:
[74:00] There we go. Put the journal in there.

Speaker 3:
[74:02] That's a rec for me, by the way, is just read short stories. Like fucking-

Speaker 2:
[74:06] You'll be shocked. The easiest you can tackle it, it's like this episode of Love, Death and Robots, where I can handle seven minutes. Let's load it up.

Speaker 3:
[74:12] I'll try to read one a day. I'll just like, let me just bang out one thing a day.

Speaker 2:
[74:15] Yeah, you commit to it. Even if it takes you three days to read a short story, you're like, I can handle more in a piece. Like, there, nah.

Speaker 6:
[74:21] No.

Speaker 3:
[74:22] Well, some of the really dense stuff, but then some of the stuff you think is going to be dense is not that dense. You're like, this is pretty readable, you know? And then sometimes I'll just buy, I'll just go to like The Strand, or go to some random bookstore and it was like, I never read this play, I should read this play.

Speaker 6:
[74:34] Play, you read plays.

Speaker 3:
[74:35] I like dialogue. So yeah, I'll just burn through like some Sam Shepard or fucking Tennessee Williams or something. And I'm like, I fucking love this shit. It's all dialogue.

Speaker 1:
[74:44] Now, do you ever read it and go, I hate this? Like halfway through, you go, I hate it.

Speaker 3:
[74:47] I never hate it. Sometimes I'm like, this doesn't resonate with me, but there's always like at least something where you're like, oh, that was a fucking great line.

Speaker 1:
[74:52] Yeah.

Speaker 3:
[74:53] Sometimes it's really experimental. I read this one called The Bar of the Tokyo Hotel with Tennessee Williams, and it's fucking weird as shit. But I dug it. It was, they say it's like a later life one. I like weird, I like-

Speaker 2:
[75:07] Make a tent.

Speaker 3:
[75:08] And there's some lines that we were like, this is a failing marriage and it's sad, it's like an artist who's not a good artist anymore. I like random-

Speaker 1:
[75:15] Going into that world.

Speaker 2:
[75:16] One act play in two scenes.

Speaker 3:
[75:18] Yeah, it was cool.

Speaker 6:
[75:18] Tennessee Williams is like the man.

Speaker 3:
[75:20] Yeah, he's a man.

Speaker 2:
[75:21] So if you want to try something weird, it's like-

Speaker 4:
[75:24] Mark is an alcoholic.

Speaker 2:
[75:26] Mark is an alcoholic.

Speaker 3:
[75:28] Exactly. His last name is Norman too. It was weird. And he was trying to do a podcast. I don't know.

Speaker 1:
[75:34] Can we get another-

Speaker 2:
[75:37] Pisco Sour. Wait, wait. Do we have anything else to drink?

Speaker 5:
[75:40] Mezcalita.

Speaker 1:
[75:41] Oh, make one more for the road.

Speaker 2:
[75:43] Mezcalita?

Speaker 1:
[75:44] Yeah, Mezcalita.

Speaker 2:
[75:45] There's Mexico.

Speaker 1:
[75:46] You know what I have there with this documentary? I can watch any documentary and love it. It could be a documentary about fashion. It could be a documentary about gay sex in the 80s in New York. I love a doc. I get something out of every one.

Speaker 3:
[75:58] I'm with you, man, because you learned something. We were talking about it. It's Alekseus' favorite doc, Paris Is Burning.

Speaker 1:
[76:04] Great doc.

Speaker 3:
[76:04] I mean, fucking, that shit will break your heart.

Speaker 1:
[76:07] Unbelievable.

Speaker 3:
[76:08] Really? New York drag queens. It was the 80s.

Speaker 4:
[76:10] Yeah, late 80s, 85s.

Speaker 3:
[76:11] But a lot of them got the shit kicked out of them and like, tough chicks, you know?

Speaker 2:
[76:16] There's a book about one of the drag queens back then. Ah, fuck it. All that.

Speaker 4:
[76:21] I know everything about it.

Speaker 2:
[76:22] What's her name?

Speaker 4:
[76:23] The woman, Extravaganza, the one who was killed at the Carter Hotel.

Speaker 2:
[76:28] No, she's still alive. She wrote a book.

Speaker 4:
[76:29] Oh, okay.

Speaker 6:
[76:31] It's RuPaul.

Speaker 4:
[76:32] Sorry.

Speaker 2:
[76:32] But it was all about that time, getting beat up all the time for just being them. It's crazy what they used to have to go through.

Speaker 3:
[76:37] And they're scrappy as fuck. They're really amazing. They're like, it's a sad thing.

Speaker 2:
[76:42] Yeah, the lady boys in Thailand, if you pick on one, you don't understand. It's like, what are those small dinosaurs from Jurassic Park?

Speaker 1:
[76:51] Oh, the little ee-ee-ee.

Speaker 2:
[76:52] But they all come in droves.

Speaker 1:
[76:53] Yes, yes.

Speaker 2:
[76:54] That's how they are. And so you pick on one, you think like, I could beat up this, it's like trans. And you're like, dude, it's not one trans.

Speaker 6:
[77:02] Yeah, it's like trans-is.

Speaker 1:
[77:03] Bees coming at you.

Speaker 2:
[77:05] And they all know Muay Thai, so you're fucked.

Speaker 3:
[77:08] Muay Thai is a scary one, dude.

Speaker 2:
[77:10] Before they went fully the other way, they were like, we trained.

Speaker 3:
[77:12] You couldn't beat them with elbows?

Speaker 1:
[77:16] Well, the trans rode once and she was the spitter. Okay, okay, from Jurassic Park. All right, sorry.

Speaker 4:
[77:22] Apparently, there's beef there between the trans and the lady boys.

Speaker 2:
[77:25] Oh, really?

Speaker 4:
[77:26] They don't like each other.

Speaker 1:
[77:27] Oh, Transformers versus Decepticons.

Speaker 2:
[77:30] No, I got a lot of heat for a special. I called them lady boys and somebody was like, that's fucking bullshit. They're trans, how dare you call them that? I'm like, I'm following their lead. They call themselves lady boys. You want me to not respect their decisions? And I guess that's, they're different things?

Speaker 1:
[77:44] Yes, yes. Some people call themselves Edward, too. I mean, you could say it.

Speaker 2:
[77:48] I've been saying it.

Speaker 1:
[77:49] All right.

Speaker 2:
[77:50] I refuse to let it go.

Speaker 1:
[77:54] Yeah, I said cross dresser and I got yelled at and I was like, I don't know.

Speaker 2:
[77:56] What is it?

Speaker 1:
[77:58] I got a drag queen.

Speaker 2:
[78:00] What happened to, what was Eddie Azzurge?

Speaker 1:
[78:02] Transvestite.

Speaker 2:
[78:02] What happened to them?

Speaker 3:
[78:03] Eddie's trans though now, I think.

Speaker 1:
[78:04] He's trans now.

Speaker 3:
[78:05] He's joined by Susie. Yeah.

Speaker 2:
[78:06] What happened to transvestites?

Speaker 1:
[78:07] Yeah.

Speaker 3:
[78:08] Well, transvestites just, I think, women's clothes, right?

Speaker 2:
[78:11] Yes. But so where are they?

Speaker 1:
[78:13] You never hear of them?

Speaker 3:
[78:14] I mean, Byron Gnome is technically a transvestite, right? Yep.

Speaker 1:
[78:17] Oh, yeah.

Speaker 3:
[78:17] Well, that's not even clothes, that's body.

Speaker 1:
[78:20] So what's that?

Speaker 3:
[78:20] What's that? What's when I want your skin? Yeah. A Hannibal Lecter?

Speaker 2:
[78:25] Oh, yeah, a Hannibal, yeah. Put the lotion in the basket. Yeah. Can I go piss real quick and come back?

Speaker 1:
[78:29] Sure.

Speaker 2:
[78:31] I broke the seal. Go piss. Do you believe in that?

Speaker 3:
[78:34] I do.

Speaker 1:
[78:34] No.

Speaker 3:
[78:35] I believe in breaking the seal.

Speaker 1:
[78:37] All right, go pee.

Speaker 3:
[78:38] I believe in high fiber, the hanging curve ball, the small of a woman's back, the novels of Susan Sontag or overrated crap.

Speaker 1:
[78:47] Don't pee on that plastic bag on your balls.

Speaker 3:
[78:51] By the way, Bull Durham, dude. great flick.

Speaker 1:
[78:55] That's where that's from? Yeah, small of a woman's back.

Speaker 3:
[78:58] That's a great flick.

Speaker 6:
[78:59] Great movie.

Speaker 1:
[79:00] Back when you could make a baseball comedy.

Speaker 3:
[79:02] Dude, you know what?

Speaker 1:
[79:04] Who wrote that?

Speaker 3:
[79:05] Which one is it? I don't know.

Speaker 1:
[79:06] Bull Durham.

Speaker 3:
[79:07] I love that movie.

Speaker 1:
[79:08] Great movie.

Speaker 3:
[79:08] That's one of my favorites.

Speaker 1:
[79:09] Susan Sarandon had some real sex appeal.

Speaker 3:
[79:12] Yeah, and it's just a cool movie. I love movies about the miners.

Speaker 6:
[79:15] Yes.

Speaker 3:
[79:16] You know what it is? It's about love of the game. It's like being like a road comic or something.

Speaker 1:
[79:20] Yes.

Speaker 3:
[79:20] You're just a fucking dog. You do that because you love it.

Speaker 1:
[79:24] Get a clip of Sam saying he loves movies about miners.

Speaker 4:
[79:31] So this is crazy. Ron Shelton.

Speaker 1:
[79:33] That's who it was.

Speaker 3:
[79:34] I just keep going. I'm like, because they do it for the love of the game. They do it because they love it.

Speaker 1:
[79:39] They're young. They're hungry.

Speaker 3:
[79:43] The other options didn't work out. So the miners were their only choice.

Speaker 1:
[79:47] A lot of runaways. They had hard parenting.

Speaker 3:
[79:54] That is a great fucking movie.

Speaker 1:
[79:56] Oh, look, the guy did White Man Can't Jump, Tin Cup and Bull Durham.

Speaker 3:
[80:00] Tin Cup is like a little forgotten gem, too. It's a fun one, man. Rene Russo was just cooking in the 90s every fucking movie.

Speaker 1:
[80:09] So good. Thomas Crown Affair.

Speaker 3:
[80:11] Major League.

Speaker 1:
[80:11] Major League.

Speaker 3:
[80:12] Get Shorty.

Speaker 1:
[80:13] Oh, boy, she was very milfy.

Speaker 3:
[80:17] Yeah. She's still got it.

Speaker 1:
[80:18] Still got it.

Speaker 3:
[80:19] Yeah.

Speaker 1:
[80:20] Yeah, good for her.

Speaker 3:
[80:21] I'm a fan.

Speaker 1:
[80:21] Oh, yeah.

Speaker 3:
[80:23] Dude, I rewatched Out of the Past for like the 12th time this week. Mitcham, it's my favorite fucking movie. I think it's like the best movie.

Speaker 1:
[80:29] I got to rewatch it.

Speaker 3:
[80:30] Rewatch is the best. My favorite line ever. She's the femme fatale. He goes, You're like a leaf that flows from one gutter to the next.

Speaker 1:
[80:36] Oh, that's great.

Speaker 3:
[80:39] It's so good. I made a woman watch it and she was dreading it. And she was like, it's one of the best movies I've ever seen.

Speaker 1:
[80:44] Women hate black and white.

Speaker 3:
[80:45] She made me watch Panic! and Needle Park right before.

Speaker 4:
[80:48] She made you watch it?

Speaker 3:
[80:48] Yeah, I'd never seen it. What do you think? It's good, but it's two hours of heroin.

Speaker 4:
[80:53] Yeah, it's true.

Speaker 1:
[80:53] Upper West Side.

Speaker 3:
[80:54] It was good, for sure. But I'm just like, come on, man. This is a fucking I like the ending a lot.

Speaker 4:
[80:59] Yeah. I mean, it's a.

Speaker 1:
[81:00] It happens in that movie. I watched it, too. And I was like, come on. For heroin, this is slow.

Speaker 3:
[81:04] I don't know why. I can handle a movie about a gambling addict, something about like a drug addict really just like. Yeah. Even the Nirvana doc when it's montage of heck. Yeah. When it's like Kurt Cobain and Courtney Love with the fucking baby screaming and drugs. I'm like, I hate this shit. I'm with you. Your piece is a shit.

Speaker 1:
[81:24] It's gross.

Speaker 3:
[81:25] I don't like it. I don't fucking like it.

Speaker 1:
[81:27] I'm with you.

Speaker 3:
[81:28] It's hard for me to watch. Oh, here we go.

Speaker 1:
[81:32] Norma Norman.

Speaker 3:
[81:33] Ari, is it just me or have you gotten hotter?

Speaker 1:
[81:39] Did you get a surgery out there in Guatemala?

Speaker 2:
[81:42] A lot of medellin. What's going on, Mark? I know you're more interested in my stories now. I know you're laughing at my stories a lot more.

Speaker 3:
[81:51] This is crazy. You would not have made it out of Ecuador with that fucking top.

Speaker 1:
[82:02] Good to have you back. All right.

Speaker 3:
[82:04] This Pisco Sour is hitting.

Speaker 1:
[82:06] Now, where the hell are you going to go next? You've already conquered the hills of Oaxaca.

Speaker 3:
[82:10] Where have you never been that you're like, I want to go here?

Speaker 2:
[82:12] Well, I got to go back to Nicaragua. I got turned away.

Speaker 1:
[82:16] What? What happened? They saw your act?

Speaker 2:
[82:19] I took a two and a half.

Speaker 1:
[82:21] Sorry. They saw Jew.

Speaker 2:
[82:25] I got turned away from Jew's Out on Netflix right now. They picked it up.

Speaker 1:
[82:29] Oh, is that right? Wow. Perfect timing. Everybody's loving you guys.

Speaker 2:
[82:35] I actually told them we were going to put it out in August.

Speaker 6:
[82:37] I was like, hey guys, if what I'm hearing is true.

Speaker 3:
[82:39] You have to like, Kanye sold out two shows? We'll take it this month. Now's the time.

Speaker 6:
[82:43] Now's the time.

Speaker 2:
[82:45] But, what was I talking about?

Speaker 1:
[82:48] Nipple pit.

Speaker 3:
[82:50] Nicaragua.

Speaker 1:
[82:51] You're going to Nepal.

Speaker 2:
[82:51] Two and a half hour bus from a boat from fucking El Salvador. And then I get there, everyone, they stamp everybody, and then they go like Ari, can you come with me? Okay. Like, close door behind you. I'm like, what?

Speaker 6:
[83:03] Close door behind you.

Speaker 2:
[83:05] And they start grilling me. They're against journalists there. Can I have any journalism, like any stuff on your, like LinkedIn, if it's journalism classes, or like your turn? I know.

Speaker 1:
[83:17] You have a journal.

Speaker 2:
[83:18] So the more they search, the more it looks like I might be one. I've been on CNN. I've been on the Wall Street Journal podcast. I've been on, like, Tucker Carlson. I've been on Rogue, is he a journalist? At some point, like, three hours are grilling me. Taking calls from the Capitol and eventually they go, I'm really sorry, buddy, you can't come in today.

Speaker 3:
[83:39] So what do you do in that situation?

Speaker 2:
[83:41] Three hour boat back to this port town in El Salvador. Then the guy, the boat guy was like, what? I think I turned away. He goes, I'm really sorry, man. I'm like, can you get back to the Capitol? He goes, give me five more bucks, I'll get you back to the Capitol. Four hours to the Capitol. Here's the best thing about having a schedule, you just roll with it. That's true. I was gonna go scuba diving, go to some cigar factories, do some fun stuff in Nicaragua. All right, plans changed. I did have two days of hostel paid for it, you're not gonna refund in like Managua or whatever. But then like, and then like, oh, where do I go? So I'm like, fuck it, Medellin. So I flew from San Salvador to Medellin, had a blast for 10 days in Medellin. I wasn't gonna go to Colombia, I went to Colombia. Whoa.

Speaker 3:
[84:29] There's something fun about not having a playbook.

Speaker 2:
[84:31] Bro, it's the best. If you go to a bar, you're like, let's all go to this bar. And then there's a line around the block. You don't go, shit! You should go, how about that place?

Speaker 1:
[84:41] Yeah.

Speaker 2:
[84:41] Okay, well, that's some digi, let's just do that.

Speaker 1:
[84:44] Living by the seat of your pants.

Speaker 3:
[84:45] Even when a flight gets and it gets canceled, and you're like, fuck, I'm stuck in the city for a night, you go from being like to like, I wonder what I'm gonna do tonight.

Speaker 1:
[84:53] I'm in Chicago.

Speaker 2:
[84:53] What can I do?

Speaker 3:
[84:54] And then like, man, there's something fucking magical just hitting like a hotel bar, ordering like a fucking steak tartare, getting a couple of whiskeys on the rocks, and you're just lit up and you're just like, I feel fucking great.

Speaker 1:
[85:05] Yeah, I get the whole city is your oyster.

Speaker 2:
[85:08] The best one of those.

Speaker 3:
[85:08] And you're going on like a little adventure.

Speaker 6:
[85:10] It's fun.

Speaker 2:
[85:10] Yeah, the best one of those we ever did was, were you there, Bonnaroo?

Speaker 6:
[85:15] You were.

Speaker 1:
[85:16] Yes.

Speaker 2:
[85:16] Me and Big Jay.

Speaker 3:
[85:17] I think I was there the year after you guys.

Speaker 2:
[85:18] Oh, okay. So we're all there. On the way back, there was hurricanes or whatever. So early flights went off, later flights got delayed. Jay got off and he goes, yeah, my flight's taking off. They go, my flight's being delayed and my flight's canceled. And he goes, what are you going to do? And I go, this is from Nashville. And I go, I'm going to call Raffi May. He's going to invite me over to barbecue. How about that? I'm almost positive. And he was like, really? I mean, I'll be okay. And I called him, I was like, hey, my flight's delayed. He's like, man, come over.

Speaker 6:
[85:48] I got the egg going.

Speaker 5:
[85:49] You got to get over here.

Speaker 1:
[85:50] The green egg.

Speaker 2:
[85:51] Yeah. And we went over there, barbecue, it just ate barbecue and lost the induction for Green Day into the Rock and Roll All Fame.

Speaker 1:
[85:59] Oh, that's cool.

Speaker 2:
[86:00] It just had a blast. I got to call that guy, oh, my fucking god.

Speaker 1:
[86:05] Damn, yeah, that is pretty great.

Speaker 2:
[86:06] If you can roll with stuff, it just makes your life.

Speaker 1:
[86:10] Hear, hear.

Speaker 2:
[86:10] If you're not locked into your expectations.

Speaker 3:
[86:12] You're allowed to have a moment of like, fuck, but then after that moment, and you roll with it.

Speaker 1:
[86:17] You got to spin it.

Speaker 2:
[86:18] Yeah, give me 10 seconds to go, damn it.

Speaker 3:
[86:20] I will say Mark is so good at that shit. I think I'm pretty good with it too. We had a setback with our movie today, and we both didn't panic. We both were just like, it's going to be okay.

Speaker 1:
[86:30] It's going to be okay.

Speaker 3:
[86:31] We both completely, I mean, you get the fuck this shit out of the system, but then you're like, we're going to pivot, we're going to figure it out. That attitude in life is like, it's so fucking essential.

Speaker 1:
[86:43] Oh, yeah.

Speaker 2:
[86:43] The fact that it could be worse is actually a real thing. It could be a lot worse.

Speaker 1:
[86:47] That's true.

Speaker 2:
[86:48] I don't know, I'm not going to tell you any names, but like.

Speaker 1:
[86:51] Which one is this?

Speaker 5:
[86:52] This is a Mezcalita.

Speaker 1:
[86:53] This is just one for the road.

Speaker 3:
[86:55] I don't even know what this is.

Speaker 2:
[86:55] One for the road based on the One for the Road podcast.

Speaker 3:
[86:59] Thank you, Maddie.

Speaker 2:
[87:00] The margarita is like low class in Mexico. The Mezcalita. It's just a mezcal margarita.

Speaker 1:
[87:08] Way better, I think.

Speaker 2:
[87:09] Way better, smokier.

Speaker 1:
[87:10] Everything better with mezcal.

Speaker 3:
[87:11] I love a mezcal Negroni too.

Speaker 1:
[87:16] Smoky.

Speaker 3:
[87:17] Oh my god.

Speaker 1:
[87:17] Very nice. You're on fire.

Speaker 2:
[87:19] Thank you.

Speaker 3:
[87:20] Oh my god.

Speaker 2:
[87:21] Margarita.

Speaker 1:
[87:21] Maddie.

Speaker 2:
[87:22] Maddie.

Speaker 5:
[87:23] Maddie.

Speaker 3:
[87:23] That salt on the rim.

Speaker 5:
[87:25] Tajin.

Speaker 3:
[87:26] Tajin. I love that.

Speaker 2:
[87:28] Tajin.

Speaker 1:
[87:28] Now, let me just say this, side note. I kind of like the no-journalist idea. Fuck journalists. Let us do our thing and quit documenting everything. I don't want to answer questions. Yeah, I don't want to.

Speaker 3:
[87:39] You need some journalists.

Speaker 1:
[87:41] I know.

Speaker 3:
[87:42] I'm going to push back on this one.

Speaker 1:
[87:43] I like a place that doesn't have it. Let's have one place without it.

Speaker 3:
[87:47] Let's have Trump with no journalism. That's a good idea.

Speaker 1:
[87:50] Well, this is Nicaragua I'm talking here. Okay.

Speaker 3:
[87:52] What I'm saying is I don't think it's a one-size-fits-all system.

Speaker 1:
[87:56] We need journalists, but hey, if we can have one place without it, fuck it, let's park it there.

Speaker 2:
[88:00] I hear you. You're not wrong. Yeah, I would have loved to have gone.

Speaker 3:
[88:03] Like a new Amsterdam-type thing?

Speaker 1:
[88:05] Yeah. Give me one spot with no journalists.

Speaker 2:
[88:08] That would be the answer to the question. That'd be a place I want to go. That's what I'm saying. There's going to be a lot of beheadings in this place.

Speaker 1:
[88:14] Yeah. What's Nicaragua's thing? Soccer?

Speaker 2:
[88:19] No.

Speaker 1:
[88:19] Having journalists.

Speaker 2:
[88:21] No drones also. Can't take a drone in with you.

Speaker 1:
[88:23] Okay. I hate drones.

Speaker 2:
[88:24] They search you back only for drones? You're good. Sandboarding down in volcanoes.

Speaker 1:
[88:30] How about that?

Speaker 2:
[88:31] Cigars, top two in the world.

Speaker 1:
[88:33] Okay.

Speaker 3:
[88:34] Nicaragua, they're number two after Cuba?

Speaker 6:
[88:36] No, Cuba's three.

Speaker 3:
[88:38] What's number one?

Speaker 2:
[88:40] DR, Nicaragua.

Speaker 3:
[88:40] DR over Cuba?

Speaker 2:
[88:41] Cuba wants to shit.

Speaker 3:
[88:42] Really?

Speaker 2:
[88:43] China bought most of the brands.

Speaker 3:
[88:45] I don't know nothing about the cigars.

Speaker 2:
[88:46] No, it's normal. I have to know. They bought most of the brands, slashed their quality. Yeah, volcanoes, scuba diving. Oh, cool. Okay. I don't know. I was there for three hours.

Speaker 3:
[89:01] You're talking of the tourism and you're like, I wasn't allowed in.

Speaker 2:
[89:03] I was there for three hours. I fed a street dog and then I went home.

Speaker 1:
[89:06] Okay, they got poetry. Maybe they made these place things.

Speaker 3:
[89:09] They got poetry.

Speaker 1:
[89:10] They got hand crafts.

Speaker 2:
[89:12] Oh, I did hear about a comedian. So, I'm being interrogated by this guy and the guy's like, okay, then he hangs up the phone with the Capitol. And now he's just like, I'm not in charge of this.

Speaker 6:
[89:22] I'm just taking stuff from them.

Speaker 2:
[89:24] So, now we're talking in between the phone rings back again. Ask him how much he charges for tickets. How many people does he play for? Stuff like that. But in between, we're just talking. And he goes, I'm asking about foods to eat. I think I'm still getting in. And I'm like, are there any Nicaraguan comedians? He goes, yeah, there's one guy, JR. And I go, is he like, I still got my, is he like a sketch guy or is he an actual stand up?

Speaker 1:
[89:53] Yeah, thank you, good question.

Speaker 2:
[89:55] Actual stand up.

Speaker 1:
[89:56] Is that him?

Speaker 2:
[89:57] He only plays, yep. Only plays in Nicaragua.

Speaker 1:
[90:02] He's big.

Speaker 2:
[90:02] Four point, wait. 4.3 million subscribers.

Speaker 1:
[90:06] Holy hell.

Speaker 3:
[90:07] This guy's big time.

Speaker 2:
[90:08] Wow.

Speaker 1:
[90:08] How many people live in Nicaragua? 4.3 million. That's all of them.

Speaker 2:
[90:12] That's all of them.

Speaker 1:
[90:13] He's got them all.

Speaker 4:
[90:14] Wow.

Speaker 2:
[90:15] Wait, does he have any stand up clips? I haven't seen his stand up either.

Speaker 4:
[90:19] No.

Speaker 1:
[90:20] All right, he's a funny, sketchy, comedic actor.

Speaker 6:
[90:22] Damn it.

Speaker 1:
[90:23] Stand up's hard.

Speaker 6:
[90:24] Damn it, yeah.

Speaker 1:
[90:26] All right, well, shout out to, oh, Bad Bunny.

Speaker 4:
[90:29] 3.2 million views.

Speaker 2:
[90:31] Oh, JR's in a Bad Bunny video?

Speaker 1:
[90:33] Wow, this guy's big.

Speaker 4:
[90:35] No, he's doing a Bad Bunny song, I think.

Speaker 2:
[90:37] Oh, he's making fun of him.

Speaker 4:
[90:40] Crazy.

Speaker 1:
[90:43] Wow, he can't leave there.

Speaker 2:
[90:44] It's my hard, well, I didn't read the rest.

Speaker 4:
[90:46] This is what you get with no journalists, by the way.

Speaker 2:
[90:47] It's my hard what?

Speaker 6:
[90:49] It's very hard.

Speaker 2:
[90:50] What did he say? Es mi duro, es mi...

Speaker 6:
[90:53] He said, yeah.

Speaker 2:
[90:53] Yeah, I get. I don't want nothing to understand. I don't know what that word is.

Speaker 4:
[91:00] Hey, I think we're off to a pretty good...

Speaker 2:
[91:01] Yeah, it got better.

Speaker 1:
[91:02] Nice. All right.

Speaker 6:
[91:04] Well, hey, good on you, JR Guys, I missed you guys.

Speaker 3:
[91:08] I missed you, man. I was really happy when I saw you at the cellar the other night, and then again in the park.

Speaker 2:
[91:13] Playing basketball.

Speaker 3:
[91:14] That was fun, man.

Speaker 1:
[91:14] Well, you give me hope because I have all this fear of not being relevant. If I don't post a clip, people are gonna forget about me. If we miss a week with the pod, it's all over. You went for eight months, you came back with a vengeance with this.

Speaker 3:
[91:27] Nothing has changed really.

Speaker 2:
[91:29] Nothing has changed. The last time I went to 2017, I went to Southeast Asia for four and a half months.

Speaker 1:
[91:34] I remember that.

Speaker 2:
[91:35] Yeah, and Joe List, you know there's like conversations where like stuck in your brain is this. He goes, aren't you afraid of like falling behind? I'm like, well, I have a special going to come out when I get back, and I have my storytelling show that's not happening. That didn't work out, but nothing can be predicted on that.

Speaker 1:
[91:52] What do you mean it didn't work out?

Speaker 2:
[91:53] They replaced me when I said, I want to sell my special enough.

Speaker 6:
[91:56] Oh, I see. But that hadn't been done yet.

Speaker 1:
[91:58] Yeah, I got it.

Speaker 2:
[91:59] It was waiting for me, and I was like, these are going great. We can take time off. I have an idea that comedians in this day and age are putting out more than they're taking in to an unsustainable levels. You're right. So we're constantly, this is once a week here, sure. You have a second podcast. Okay, sure. It's more and more put out. What are we taking in to draw from? I think there's a real problem. I think it's a real problem where we're like, I got to do something this week. I'm like, do you have anything to say? I'm like, no.

Speaker 1:
[92:32] Yeah.

Speaker 2:
[92:32] Well, then that's not going to be good.

Speaker 1:
[92:34] Right.

Speaker 2:
[92:35] I don't have stuff to talk about.

Speaker 3:
[92:36] We're bad at it. It's the truth. I mean, we got to step it up with it.

Speaker 2:
[92:39] Just meeting you at the park for basketball, like, yes.

Speaker 3:
[92:42] No, I do that stuff. I like to just shoot a ball around, just like-

Speaker 2:
[92:45] Especially in my neighborhood at Tompkins, it was like perfect. I'm like three minutes away. I'll meet you.

Speaker 1:
[92:50] Yeah, but-

Speaker 2:
[92:52] Yeah?

Speaker 1:
[92:53] We run our own business here. No one's going to do it if we don't do it. So I kind of have that fear.

Speaker 2:
[92:58] Okay, but you also got to have- If you're on Friends, I'm old, but this is my example of successful sitcom.

Speaker 1:
[93:05] Yeah.

Speaker 2:
[93:06] Number one in the world.

Speaker 1:
[93:07] Big show.

Speaker 2:
[93:08] 22 weeks on, 30 weeks off. And NBC decided that for them. If we had to decide for ourselves, they're not taking 30 weeks off. They're getting the 3 million episode for 52 weeks.

Speaker 1:
[93:21] Yeah.

Speaker 2:
[93:22] And I'm not saying take off. I'm just saying- Take in. Take in, yeah.

Speaker 1:
[93:26] You're right. We used to take more in because we were less busy.

Speaker 2:
[93:29] When we were open micers, we were stuck. When I moved to New York, you guys were all barely doing stuff and were out doing things, making memories.

Speaker 3:
[93:38] Making memories. Well, there was less-

Speaker 2:
[93:39] No more like, I gotta get up for a podcast tomorrow.

Speaker 3:
[93:41] There was less to do. I mean, it was an easier time. Chris Rock has said this many times about young comedians. Even LeBron had an off season.

Speaker 2:
[93:50] Yeah.

Speaker 3:
[93:52] Take a break.

Speaker 2:
[93:52] Take some time off.

Speaker 3:
[93:53] He's right.

Speaker 2:
[93:55] The fountainhead, the guy went off of the boat for a while.

Speaker 3:
[93:57] We need inspiration, we need stories. I think about that sometimes. I close my last couple specials on stories. I'm like, I need more stories. And you don't get them by just fucking going to the same bar every night and getting shitfaced. You gotta go on some adventures and you're going on adventures and that actually is, it's inspiring.

Speaker 2:
[94:14] Did someone actually ask Sam to be in my storytelling show, The End? I think, correct me if I'm wrong, you're like, bro, I do have a story.

Speaker 3:
[94:23] I'm closing my hour.

Speaker 2:
[94:24] I can't spare it. I can't spare this for you.

Speaker 3:
[94:26] I can't spare my closer, yeah, because I want to do your storytelling show. I've done the live ones.

Speaker 2:
[94:31] You've done the live ones. To me, they're all the same. Live ones and tapers are all the same.

Speaker 3:
[94:34] But I arc an hour a certain way where I like to have short jokes up top, a couple short stories, and I like to have a long story at the end. And I can't give up this long story.

Speaker 2:
[94:46] What I needed was to give you a year's notice. And I used to do that for This Is Not Happening, where like, hey, don't make this your closer. Save it for me. If it ever comes back, please, you have to do it.

Speaker 1:
[95:01] Yeah, you gotta do it. You're one of the storytellers in New York.

Speaker 2:
[95:06] No, when I asked you the first time to do it live, you were like, it's not really my thing.

Speaker 3:
[95:09] No, yeah.

Speaker 1:
[95:11] The White Knight, all that stuff.

Speaker 3:
[95:14] I got a few.

Speaker 1:
[95:15] I've done the live one a bunch, and I've done-

Speaker 3:
[95:17] Well, I gave Mark some shit.

Speaker 2:
[95:19] It's not like twice, the end works.

Speaker 3:
[95:20] I think Mark is such a good storyteller, and Mark doesn't think he's a good storyteller.

Speaker 2:
[95:24] He does not think he's good.

Speaker 3:
[95:25] It annoys me. It's so funny. It annoys me because-

Speaker 1:
[95:27] I can tell to you guys.

Speaker 3:
[95:28] No, no, no. Hold on. You're so scared for a silence.

Speaker 1:
[95:32] Yes.

Speaker 3:
[95:33] And storytelling is about building tension.

Speaker 1:
[95:35] Yes.

Speaker 3:
[95:35] And you want like bam, bam, bam. But you're not going to let a story not be super funny. So it's going to naturally just have a shitload of punchlines.

Speaker 2:
[95:44] That's why comedians are better at it. You can't not-

Speaker 3:
[95:47] But if you just embrace the silence and have that- because it's even bigger tension at least at the big pop when you embrace that, but you hate it so much, but I think it's like, oh man, I want to see the Mark Normand, like a 12 minute Mark Normand story.

Speaker 1:
[96:00] 12 minutes.

Speaker 3:
[96:01] It's going to be punchy as.

Speaker 2:
[96:03] That's 12 minutes.

Speaker 1:
[96:04] Oh, really?

Speaker 3:
[96:06] It's going to be punchy as fuck.

Speaker 2:
[96:08] You got another one in the can that I told you, like you got to save that for another time.

Speaker 1:
[96:12] Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 3:
[96:14] We've talked about, like Jim Jeffries has those stories where you're like the muscular dystrophy brothel story. That's like a 25 minute bit.

Speaker 1:
[96:23] Is it that long?

Speaker 3:
[96:24] Yes, but it's so punchy.

Speaker 2:
[96:25] It's one story sometimes.

Speaker 3:
[96:27] Yeah.

Speaker 2:
[96:28] But at the end, you're just like, before they even say, that's it for me, thank you, you're just like, you know you've completed a journey with them.

Speaker 1:
[96:36] But here's the thing about stories nobody brings up, is I can punch up a story, but the ending of a story.

Speaker 2:
[96:42] It's so important.

Speaker 1:
[96:42] That is so hard.

Speaker 3:
[96:44] Sometimes you need the ending first because then you can just take liberties. But you know, Ryan Hambleton, another friend of ours, has got like a story. It might be a 30, 40 minute story.

Speaker 2:
[96:53] Oh, he did it on my show in Salt Lake.

Speaker 1:
[96:55] Oh, wow.

Speaker 2:
[96:56] I'm pretty sure. I might be conflating memories, but I was like, hey, you're in town to do your fucking whatever, you know, re-virginating or whatever the fuck those mormons do. I was like, come do my show. I was there doing it. We've done the Salt Lake one.

Speaker 1:
[97:10] Yeah, a couple of times.

Speaker 2:
[97:11] For ski trips.

Speaker 1:
[97:11] Had a blast.

Speaker 2:
[97:12] And it was like, did he ever do one?

Speaker 6:
[97:14] No, not when I was there.

Speaker 1:
[97:15] He was there doing something else.

Speaker 5:
[97:18] He does like 30 minutes just about getting hit by a bike.

Speaker 1:
[97:20] Yeah.

Speaker 2:
[97:22] It takes you on a trip. But it was like, it's so...

Speaker 5:
[97:25] You're there from contact to healing.

Speaker 2:
[97:27] Yeah, and even if you're not laughing, you're just like this, like, you're like that. It's like, yeah, they're fun. They're fun.

Speaker 1:
[97:33] In this next hour, I'm doing a story.

Speaker 3:
[97:34] I think you should.

Speaker 2:
[97:35] It's a good closer.

Speaker 3:
[97:36] Because it's also, you know, it's an energy shift too. It's like...

Speaker 2:
[97:39] And that's with check drops. You don't do clubs anymore.

Speaker 3:
[97:41] I think, exactly.

Speaker 2:
[97:42] Check drops are like, this is a bright time for it.

Speaker 3:
[97:44] That's why I started doing stories is because I was like, I need something to hold them. But you know, you listen to an old Dangerfield album and he's doing bit, bit, bit. And that's why he'd go into crowd work just to mix up, just to mix up the rhythm. Yeah. So it would become less predictable. But I think a story serves the same thing. So I love one.

Speaker 2:
[98:00] But it's a punchy story.

Speaker 3:
[98:02] Yeah.

Speaker 2:
[98:02] Here's the thing. Edinburgh, those are like UK and Australia comics. They do stories. How do I say this without being rude?

Speaker 1:
[98:10] Boring.

Speaker 2:
[98:11] That's with being rude.

Speaker 1:
[98:12] Oh, no.

Speaker 3:
[98:13] But I know what you're saying.

Speaker 2:
[98:14] Yeah. So Americans are like, well, I can't. So one time when I was at the improv lab doing this, before David and I had our name, we were doing the shows and John Reap was doing it. John Reap was a killer.

Speaker 3:
[98:26] Great person too. Yeah.

Speaker 2:
[98:27] Great guy. And he was like, dude, after like 30 or 40 seconds, I was like, I gotta make a funny face or something. This is like tough.

Speaker 1:
[98:36] Yeah, yeah. I get it.

Speaker 2:
[98:37] I haven't gotten a laugh. I'm used to getting laughs every 10 seconds.

Speaker 1:
[98:40] Yes.

Speaker 2:
[98:41] So you're like, but American standups will just naturally punch it up.

Speaker 1:
[98:45] You have to out of survival.

Speaker 2:
[98:47] Big Jay told the story. He's in the hall of fame of this show. He told a story about seeing a fight outside the comedy cellar. The fight itself, the story itself, was 98 seconds from when the cops came and took him away.

Speaker 3:
[98:59] I think I was with Jay that night, by the way.

Speaker 2:
[99:01] And it was like a 15-minute story.

Speaker 3:
[99:02] Yeah.

Speaker 5:
[99:03] Wow.

Speaker 2:
[99:03] On his descriptions.

Speaker 3:
[99:04] When they choked the guy out or whatever?

Speaker 2:
[99:06] Two, three women.

Speaker 3:
[99:07] Oh, different time.

Speaker 2:
[99:09] And he's just a good storyteller. He's making it last longer than the actual details.

Speaker 1:
[99:14] And it had an ending?

Speaker 2:
[99:15] He's the best.

Speaker 3:
[99:16] He's a great storyteller.

Speaker 2:
[99:17] Tim, Ali, Burt, Diaz, and like Miss Pat and Sean Patton. Those are like the top, the top ones.

Speaker 3:
[99:24] Sean Patton's got some fucking crazy stories.

Speaker 2:
[99:26] Yeah, and he tells them so well.

Speaker 3:
[99:28] And his show just got fucking canceled on FX.

Speaker 1:
[99:31] I know, it's a good show.

Speaker 3:
[99:32] Go YouTube some Sean Patton stories on YouTube. He's phenomenal.

Speaker 2:
[99:35] The Cuman story on Isn't That Happening.

Speaker 1:
[99:37] Oh yeah, that was a great one.

Speaker 2:
[99:39] The fake gay bashing in New Orleans.

Speaker 1:
[99:41] Yeah, he's a natural.

Speaker 3:
[99:42] That was a good show on FX, The English Teacher.

Speaker 1:
[99:45] Great show.

Speaker 3:
[99:45] I really liked it, man.

Speaker 1:
[99:47] Oh, I had some.

Speaker 3:
[99:48] I'm pissed that got canceled. Yeah, Sean was, he shined in that man. Also, what a good drinker.

Speaker 1:
[99:54] Oh my God, the best, the best.

Speaker 2:
[99:57] I had cross on, you guys have had him on, right?

Speaker 1:
[99:59] Oh yeah, yeah. I farted on him.

Speaker 3:
[100:01] Not as good a drinker.

Speaker 1:
[100:03] No, no.

Speaker 2:
[100:04] But I remember asking him like, is Sean, you know, Sean, Nick, he obviously reads some of his, he's like, what a good drinker. He's like, bro.

Speaker 1:
[100:10] Oh yeah.

Speaker 2:
[100:10] He doesn't like press you like DeRosa, like that fucking head pig.

Speaker 1:
[100:14] Shots, shots.

Speaker 2:
[100:15] Yeah. But he just like.

Speaker 3:
[100:17] DeRosa's happy to be at a funeral cause we have to take the shot with him.

Speaker 1:
[100:19] Right, right.

Speaker 2:
[100:21] Hey, what do you think of this? I have a new subject change.

Speaker 1:
[100:25] Okay.

Speaker 2:
[100:26] You know when people like, you wanna do shots? You're like, no. And you're like, you know, we're all in our 30s now. We know, we're like, we're who we are. I've already told you to laugh and do hard. It's not the shots. It's what you really wanna do is have people turn it up. Yeah.

Speaker 6:
[100:41] Right.

Speaker 2:
[100:42] So how about this? Go, hey guys, can you guys all turn it up 15%?

Speaker 1:
[100:46] I like that.

Speaker 2:
[100:46] And then it's like, you know what?

Speaker 6:
[100:48] I got half a beer.

Speaker 2:
[100:49] I'm gonna chug this and get another one.

Speaker 1:
[100:51] Turn it up.

Speaker 2:
[100:52] Turn it up 15%.

Speaker 1:
[100:53] Yeah, not shots.

Speaker 2:
[100:55] Not shots.

Speaker 6:
[100:56] I'll barf and go home.

Speaker 2:
[100:57] I'll black out.

Speaker 3:
[100:58] We're all adults. We know our limits.

Speaker 1:
[101:00] I know my limits.

Speaker 3:
[101:02] So I don't like the whole like catch up. It's like, bro, you're gonna like me better at this level. I'm drinking.

Speaker 6:
[101:09] I know where I'm at.

Speaker 1:
[101:10] Right.

Speaker 3:
[101:11] But also, this is embarrassing that we're adults and we still hang out with people that pressure us like this.

Speaker 1:
[101:16] DeRosa.

Speaker 2:
[101:17] DeRosa.

Speaker 3:
[101:19] No adult should be hanging out with someone who's like, catch up, pussy. That's like fucking college shit.

Speaker 2:
[101:24] Catch up, pussy?

Speaker 6:
[101:24] What? Who the fuck are you?

Speaker 1:
[101:26] That's a horrible flavor. Catch up, pussy. I'm like, oh, But back to the relevance thing.

Speaker 2:
[101:33] Yeah.

Speaker 1:
[101:33] Because you were gone for eight months.

Speaker 2:
[101:35] Yeah.

Speaker 1:
[101:36] Last year, I went to Australia. UK and I did a whole run somewhere else.

Speaker 2:
[101:41] Do you feel like you're missing out?

Speaker 1:
[101:42] Yes. I was gone for a month.

Speaker 3:
[101:44] I was gone for a couple of weeks. Three weeks, maybe. And I felt the same way. Where? All over Europe. It was great.

Speaker 2:
[101:49] This is the craziest thing to me. Can I just ground you guys for a second?

Speaker 1:
[101:53] The second week, you start itching.

Speaker 6:
[101:55] You're doing a European tour.

Speaker 1:
[101:57] I know.

Speaker 2:
[101:57] It is so high level. It is something we could not have imagined.

Speaker 1:
[102:01] That's a good point.

Speaker 2:
[102:02] Doing when we were starting.

Speaker 3:
[102:03] I'm having so much fun doing it, too.

Speaker 2:
[102:04] So much fun. You're in Berlin in a nightclub at 7 a.m. Yeah. Still doing drugs.

Speaker 1:
[102:08] You're going to listen.

Speaker 2:
[102:09] It's just me. But we're doing a European tour and we're feeling like, am I missing out? It's everywhere. You know how Sagalow would fucking cut himself to be where we are?

Speaker 3:
[102:23] That's his new closer actually.

Speaker 2:
[102:25] And we're thinking we're doing something wrong. It's messed up.

Speaker 3:
[102:28] Yeah.

Speaker 2:
[102:28] We're doing it right.

Speaker 3:
[102:30] I don't feel regret. I'm actually doing another Euro tour in a few months and I'm so pumped. I'm just going to random places I've never been because I want to go to them. We'll plug it at the end. Let's fucking plug it. Let's do some plugs. Shit. We've been on for almost two hours, right?

Speaker 1:
[102:43] Oh yeah.

Speaker 3:
[102:44] What do I got? Well, I got LA coming up with List, Jordan Jensen, Lisbon is the prettiest city I've ever been to. And Rachel Feinstein, Dynasty Theatre.

Speaker 2:
[102:51] Okay.

Speaker 3:
[102:51] Oh, bro.

Speaker 2:
[102:53] Wait, what's that?

Speaker 3:
[102:54] Verona. Greece. Athens, it's supposed to say. But yeah, Verona, New York, Turning Stone Casino June 6th. Then we got Lisbon August 30th, Greece. September 2nd, what are we doing?

Speaker 2:
[103:04] No, no, pause, pause. We're going to do the plug, so I'm going to stop in a minute.

Speaker 3:
[103:08] Stop me. What's up?

Speaker 2:
[103:09] Okay. Here's what you're doing right. August is 31 days. Okay, great. When you're doing a European tour, you want to have Mondays, Tuesdays, Wednesdays off.

Speaker 3:
[103:18] I'm getting to Lisbon early.

Speaker 2:
[103:21] Okay. Lisbon early. Wait, go back up. Go back up some. Great. Get to Lisbon hella early. Yeah. Leave the next day. Get to Athens is one of the most underrated cities in the world.

Speaker 1:
[103:32] Athens is awesome.

Speaker 2:
[103:32] It's so punk rock. It's so fucking cool. The outdoor theaters are so fu- I love it. Outdoor movie theaters, you can see a black and white, like, film noir in a language you can't understand with Greek subtitles, and you follow along somehow. Drinking booze, smoking rolly cigarettes, and an outdoor theater.

Speaker 1:
[103:50] Hell yeah. You'll smoke a cigarette.

Speaker 3:
[103:52] Yeah, we got a- I love a drunk.

Speaker 1:
[103:53] What the hell is Grad Zagreb?

Speaker 2:
[103:55] Zagreb.

Speaker 3:
[103:56] That's Croatia. We got a hungry Budapest and Hungary. We got Croatia.

Speaker 2:
[104:03] Warsaw, going to the camps.

Speaker 3:
[104:04] Yeah. Vienna.

Speaker 1:
[104:05] I heard Poland's awesome.

Speaker 3:
[104:06] Warsaw.

Speaker 2:
[104:07] Dude, this is a great-

Speaker 3:
[104:08] Helsinki, Stockholm, and Copenhagen.

Speaker 2:
[104:12] Helsinki. This is a great-

Speaker 1:
[104:13] Stockholm, Zagreb.

Speaker 3:
[104:14] I've been to some of them. I've been to Stockholm, Copenhagen. I've never done Finland. I haven't done Vienna. Vienna, I really just want to go. I just want to go where Orson Welles and the third man goes on that fucking tram and gives that speech, like, look at them, they're all like ants, you know? Would you miss any of them if they died, you know?

Speaker 1:
[104:32] Sweden is so pretty. You're gonna love Sweden.

Speaker 2:
[104:34] And the girls are not bad.

Speaker 3:
[104:37] They're pretty attractive. That is a Jew's type, by the way, blonde hair, blue eyes. Would you have hidden us in the Holocaust? Who knows?

Speaker 2:
[104:46] I'd hide in your pussy. Wait, forget that. Jew and Jew, sure, sure, sure.

Speaker 1:
[104:51] Jew was on Netflix.

Speaker 2:
[104:51] No, no, no. Go to The End.

Speaker 6:
[104:54] There we go. theend.ymhstudios.com.

Speaker 2:
[104:57] Mark Normand's in it. Me and Mark Normand in the same episode.

Speaker 6:
[105:00] Hey!

Speaker 3:
[105:01] Oh, shit.

Speaker 6:
[105:01] I'm honored.

Speaker 2:
[105:02] An episode called, hold on, Not All Heroes Wear Capes. Go down, go down some, go down some, go down some.

Speaker 3:
[105:08] Boom. Boom.

Speaker 2:
[105:10] There it is.

Speaker 1:
[105:10] Me, you and Duncan.

Speaker 2:
[105:11] Me, you and Duncan.

Speaker 3:
[105:12] Oh, I miss Duncan, man. He's a good dude.

Speaker 1:
[105:14] Good guy.

Speaker 2:
[105:14] He's one of the best dudes in comics. He's honestly the most creative guy in comedy. Easter egg at the end of that. Duncan does the theme song at the end of that.

Speaker 1:
[105:25] Now, you worked with me pretty hands on with this story. Do you do that with everybody? Yes. Oh, wow. That's a lot of work. Cause we were back and forth. I think we should talk about this, change that, take that out.

Speaker 2:
[105:37] I do a thing where I'm trying to overstep. I've produced a few things now with my friends. Sal, Jay, Adrian, where it's not like producing. I got to think of another title.

Speaker 1:
[105:51] It is.

Speaker 2:
[105:51] It's more than that.

Speaker 3:
[105:52] It's how producing should be.

Speaker 2:
[105:54] It's like, hey, what's your material? What are you closing on? Why? Okay, here's the things. You have 10 bits. I want you to get these.

Speaker 3:
[106:01] But isn't that what producing should be?

Speaker 2:
[106:02] It should be. That's why I'm still calling myself a producer, I'm like, get those eight, nine, 10 bits, I want you to go get those to four, five, six. So work on those only. Your one, two, three are great, they're done. Get those up, work on those only. Why are you closing on this? What are you trying to say in your thing? It's like a director, sort of, sort of. Like a theater director.

Speaker 3:
[106:24] Sure.

Speaker 2:
[106:25] Yeah, I want to go hands on. Doug Smith, for his story, that's not happening?

Speaker 3:
[106:29] One of the guys, look up that story, Doug Smith, the subway hero.

Speaker 2:
[106:32] Dude, I went to New York Comedy Club 40 times to watch his story. I'm like, shit, I got 20 minutes, I'll come down, watch you and then go back to the stand.

Speaker 1:
[106:40] Pull it out, it's one of the most, it's got like 5 million views or something.

Speaker 3:
[106:42] It's one of the most incredible stories.

Speaker 2:
[106:43] Turn him into a headliner.

Speaker 3:
[106:44] Doug's a great dude and he's very, very funny.

Speaker 1:
[106:46] Doug Smith, this is not happening.

Speaker 2:
[106:48] Yeah, yeah, I want to go heads on, hands on.

Speaker 3:
[106:49] It's an incredible story.

Speaker 2:
[106:51] It's an incredible story already, so you're just going to get to it.

Speaker 1:
[106:54] Yes.

Speaker 2:
[106:54] Stabbed in the face.

Speaker 1:
[106:55] And he knew this would be his ticket and he put all the work into it.

Speaker 2:
[106:59] Yeah, he was willing to go, him, Louis Katz that year.

Speaker 1:
[107:02] Yeah, Louis Katz.

Speaker 2:
[107:03] Yeah, we're like, let me just not just say it. Let me tell it right.

Speaker 1:
[107:06] Yes. I mean, it's punched up. The ending is amazing.

Speaker 2:
[107:09] It moves. It doesn't look like this anymore.

Speaker 1:
[107:11] Lower it a little bit or go scroll down. Just want to see the views on this thing.

Speaker 2:
[107:17] 6.2 million people.

Speaker 3:
[107:20] Wow.

Speaker 1:
[107:21] That's incredible.

Speaker 3:
[107:21] It deserves it. It's an incredible story. I sent it to my mom.

Speaker 2:
[107:25] And it's like, it's not ending right, man. You haven't made yourself this. So it's like, okay, but it's not, you're not changing details. You're changing how you say it.

Speaker 1:
[107:32] Yeah.

Speaker 2:
[107:33] You're not lying. You're just like, what am I and do I learn something at the end? Or you learn 20 things. Which one do you want to say?

Speaker 1:
[107:39] Yeah.

Speaker 3:
[107:40] It helps to have a person help you take a step back and be like, yeah, what is this?

Speaker 2:
[107:44] Yeah. So I'm not, I'm not some producer. I'm a comedian. So I'm going to help you as a comedian. Who also has a vested interest in making your story the best it could be.

Speaker 1:
[107:53] Yes.

Speaker 2:
[107:53] And that's what I did with The End.

Speaker 1:
[107:55] Yeah.

Speaker 2:
[107:55] I talked to everybody. I was like, what's your, I actually got accused, I'm not going to say who, of helping a woman with her story on This Is Not Happening. And she goes, you're a misogynist because you were trying to help a woman along with the story. And I'm like, bro, I help everyone?

Speaker 1:
[108:13] Yeah.

Speaker 2:
[108:13] That's crazy to call me a misogynist for trying to help you.

Speaker 1:
[108:16] Yeah.

Speaker 3:
[108:16] That's not what misogynists do.

Speaker 2:
[108:18] That's not what misogynists do.

Speaker 1:
[108:20] Right.

Speaker 2:
[108:22] You think this is a misogynist? Anyway, The End is available right now. You can get me and Mark's episode for $5.99.

Speaker 1:
[108:34] Hell yeah. Are you going to be on the road at all?

Speaker 2:
[108:38] I'm at the Netflix Festival on May 7th, doing The End.

Speaker 6:
[108:40] I'll see you there.

Speaker 2:
[108:41] Yeah.

Speaker 6:
[108:42] Yeah, I'll be there.

Speaker 1:
[108:43] Who's on? You got any spoilers?

Speaker 3:
[108:44] Oh, I'm doing a show on May 7th.

Speaker 6:
[108:46] What time?

Speaker 3:
[108:47] 9.45. Where? Dynasty. I think it's Dynasty.

Speaker 2:
[108:51] Your own hour?

Speaker 3:
[108:52] No, it's with a few other people.

Speaker 1:
[108:53] That's a good room.

Speaker 3:
[108:55] Where is it?

Speaker 2:
[108:56] It's a comedy store.

Speaker 3:
[108:57] I might have to do an old story, but I'll do an old story.

Speaker 2:
[109:00] What do you mean? Do you record it?

Speaker 1:
[109:02] Oh, boy. Maybe.

Speaker 6:
[109:03] Nobody's seen his stuff.

Speaker 2:
[109:04] Hey, Sam, do my show. OK, I'll do it.

Speaker 3:
[109:08] I'll do a story. I got a story.

Speaker 1:
[109:09] We got a booking.

Speaker 3:
[109:10] I'll do it. I'm in.

Speaker 1:
[109:11] Let me just be selfish here. Check out Pushing Boulder. It's got a barcumentary on it. It's me building up to the special. All bombing Green Room at the Dallas Improv for 10 sold out shows, and I'm working out the new special that you've seen on Netflix. So there you go. It's on YouTube. Pushing Boulder.

Speaker 2:
[109:31] Yeah. But The End is available right now.

Speaker 1:
[109:34] Yes.

Speaker 2:
[109:34] You will have to pay for it. The money is going.

Speaker 3:
[109:37] It's also $6, guys. Come on.

Speaker 2:
[109:38] $6.

Speaker 1:
[109:39] All these guys?

Speaker 2:
[109:40] Look at that. Tom Segura, Ned Borgazzi. These are the headliners. Ned Borgazzi, you're headlining your episode. Mark Normand, Dan Soder, Shane Gillis. Wow. Roy Wood. And then these are the hall of famers of the show. Okerson, Sadiq, Ms. Pat. List. Robbie Kelly. Boy Body, Boy Body, Boy Face.

Speaker 3:
[110:02] I'm in for LA though.

Speaker 2:
[110:02] All right. Go to arishaffir.com to get that. And wait. Hold on. I was going to say something about it.

Speaker 1:
[110:10] Uh oh.

Speaker 5:
[110:11] The money is going.

Speaker 2:
[110:12] The money is going to the comedians. Unlike most shows, I've decided to cut the comedians in to a profit margin of this show. So if you're like, I don't want Topps to go to get the money. Guys, are you fucking. You can believe this.

Speaker 3:
[110:27] I think Tom needs more money. Retarded?

Speaker 2:
[110:29] Do you think this would allow the money to go to someone else? The money is going to me and the comedians.

Speaker 1:
[110:37] Thank you.

Speaker 2:
[110:38] Every purchase you make of Episode 5 of The End puts $2 in the pocket of Mark Normand.

Speaker 1:
[110:46] So even if you go just to see Shane, I'm still getting a penny.

Speaker 2:
[110:49] He's still getting a penny.

Speaker 1:
[110:50] Yeah.

Speaker 2:
[110:51] So you can get all of them, five, wait, seven for the price of five, arishaffir.com right now, or you can get one individual one for $6, $5.99. But get them, spread them. It's me taking my show back. Hell yeah. Corporate overlords.

Speaker 1:
[111:07] Have you gotten an influx of money already? Have you seen-

Speaker 2:
[111:09] So, I mean, we're two weeks out, but-

Speaker 1:
[111:12] Oh, okay.

Speaker 2:
[111:12] But in the pre-sales alone, we've gotten 70% of the budget back.

Speaker 1:
[111:17] Oh, my Lord.

Speaker 2:
[111:18] And we were expecting like 10% of that to come back.

Speaker 3:
[111:20] That's amazing, dude. That's awesome.

Speaker 2:
[111:22] It's our fucking world.

Speaker 1:
[111:25] Hell yeah.

Speaker 2:
[111:25] They should be honored to work with us.

Speaker 1:
[111:28] Yeah, yeah, you hear that? Amazon Prime.

Speaker 3:
[111:30] It's all of, dude, we got to do it ourselves.

Speaker 1:
[111:33] We have to.

Speaker 3:
[111:34] Mark and I are talking about this all day.

Speaker 2:
[111:35] This is the people that we do it ourselves.

Speaker 3:
[111:36] Yeah, this is it. We, this movie thing.

Speaker 2:
[111:39] You're making your movies together? This is your second movie you're making alone.

Speaker 1:
[111:43] That's true.

Speaker 2:
[111:43] We're doing it ourselves. We're the talent.

Speaker 1:
[111:46] Hear, hear.

Speaker 2:
[111:47] You think anyone's coming to see the fucking LA Lakers? They're coming to see LeBron.

Speaker 3:
[111:52] I don't know what that had to do with any of this, but I'm with you. Fuck the Lakers. Fuck the Lakers.

Speaker 1:
[111:57] He needs the Lakers.

Speaker 3:
[111:59] Let's go Knicks.

Speaker 2:
[112:01] No one's going like, I want to see the comedy sellers tonight. You're coming to see fucking Who's All One, the comedians.

Speaker 3:
[112:06] No, that's not true.

Speaker 2:
[112:07] The sellers pay people. They respect us.

Speaker 3:
[112:09] They give us free drinks. I love the sellers.

Speaker 2:
[112:10] They know where their money's breaded, buttered bread is on. Come on, guys. I'm a little drunk.

Speaker 1:
[112:17] One more drink.

Speaker 2:
[112:18] Best podcast on the planet. Hottest new podcast in New York Times.

Speaker 5:
[112:23] Did I do this?

Speaker 1:
[112:24] Tits.

Speaker 5:
[112:25] You guys want some water?

Speaker 3:
[112:27] We should before we leave, probably.

Speaker 2:
[112:28] Get some fucking decrepit Montezuma's Revenge Water. Let us get all get diarrhea from this.

Speaker 5:
[112:33] We also need Yerba Mate if we want to stay on theme.

Speaker 1:
[112:35] What did you call me? Sherba. All right. Hey, I'll be in Raleigh. Good night. It's almost sold out. And LA Comedy Fest. We got Bill Burr on the live show. So that'll be fun. Oh, shit. With the Tuesdays. Oh, wow. That's cool. So we'll get yelled at for an hour. And then I'm in Ontario, Nouveau-Brunswick, Spokane, Washington. Wow. Philadelphia. That's sold out. And Milwaukee at the Improv, Irvine, California. That's a big room. Tempe, Arizona. Royal Oak Mish. We added a show. Cleveland, Hilarity's Great Club. Seattle and Emerald City. Never been. Checking it out. I'm back in the club though. Got to work out the story.

Speaker 2:
[113:14] Sidesplitters.

Speaker 1:
[113:14] Sidesplitters, baby.

Speaker 2:
[113:16] Can I get to tell you a story about sidesplitters?

Speaker 1:
[113:18] Please. And then we'll get the hell out of here. We're at the Hamptons in San Francisco.

Speaker 2:
[113:20] Do you guys not like doing your content during your plugs or do you like doing it?

Speaker 1:
[113:24] I don't give a shit.

Speaker 2:
[113:25] Okay. Sidesplitters. Tampa. I was always a, for no reason really, improv guy. The old sidesplitters owners was such a wreck to my age.

Speaker 3:
[113:35] Bobby.

Speaker 2:
[113:36] Was like, don't, we're not doing that.

Speaker 3:
[113:38] I have great times with Bobby, though.

Speaker 2:
[113:39] Oh, yeah. And anyway, so then one time I was like, Craigford Simmons was like, I'm gonna be in Tampa. And he goes, oh, sidesplitters. I'm like, no, the improv. He goes, oh, man. I'm like, that's an honest reaction. Yeah. What do you mean? He goes, no, it's sidesplitters. I got COVID in between Orlando and Tampa. That's where you get it. 100 percent Orlando. I hung out with Steve Simone. He's in between. So I was like, we do two weeks in a row, hang out with him. Got some, had to cancel, so I owed him one. And then my friend, Mark. Normand? Yeah.

Speaker 1:
[114:14] Hey, thank you.

Speaker 2:
[114:14] Nailed it. Got hitched. Got engaged. And we're going to do a fucking bachelor party. And so we had to have a show, pay for the bachelor party. Me, Mark, my friend, it's you I can say the real. A bunch of comedians.

Speaker 1:
[114:31] List, Spurt.

Speaker 2:
[114:32] Joe List, Bert Kreischer. These, by the way, I got the Burt's on right now. Favorite show I've ever had. Literally just broke on the fucking cab over here. I've taken these to 20 countries. Best show I've ever had. Just broke. I'm heartbroken.

Speaker 1:
[114:48] That sucks. He can fix them.

Speaker 2:
[114:49] And I went to Brian, BT, at SideSplitters, and said, hey, can we do a show? They go, you can do three shows. You can have 100% of the door. I want you here.

Speaker 1:
[114:57] Hell yeah.

Speaker 2:
[114:58] And I went, did the shows. Bunch of N-words are dropped. I had a blast. And I go, I'm done with the improv. I'm a SideSplitters guy forever. So-

Speaker 3:
[115:09] And they were like, we don't want to work with you after all those N-words.

Speaker 2:
[115:13] You can see Mark Normand at SideSplitters in July.

Speaker 1:
[115:19] That was a great weekend too. We did it, we did it. We went tuna fishing, we went, remember DeRosa showed up, we were at a bar and DeRosa showed up with, out of nowhere with a tray of shots.

Speaker 2:
[115:29] First DeRosa was like, I can't come. I was like, what the fuck? He goes, I gotta do reshoots for some fucking YouTube show or something. I was like, and I like, you know when you go too far with somebody? And you're like, I'm sure, but I'm so, I was so angry that he wasn't gonna come to this bachelor party that I was like, you're a piece of shit friend. You're all in the wrong place. You fucking suck. Meanwhile, he was planning on coming the whole time. Surprising us. So we went fishing and then he comes out at the bar with a tray full of, you guys ordered shots? And it was him.

Speaker 1:
[115:59] And we're like, that waiter is ugly. Oh my God, Narosa, holy shit.

Speaker 2:
[116:02] Why does he have no chin and no will to live?

Speaker 1:
[116:06] And then we did a bunch of, well, he bought a bunch of blow.

Speaker 2:
[116:09] Yeah.

Speaker 1:
[116:09] And a guy did it that we didn't know, and he went to the hospital. Good times.

Speaker 2:
[116:13] Cancer brought a friend.

Speaker 1:
[116:14] Cancer brought a friend and no one liked him.

Speaker 2:
[116:16] At a bachelor party. There's no plus ones at a bachelor party.

Speaker 6:
[116:20] He wasn't plus one. That's a life story. He what?

Speaker 1:
[116:25] But yeah, so the guy we didn't like did too much blow and went to the hospital.

Speaker 2:
[116:29] They tested this Coke and it came up with a squiggly line, like maybe, maybe not. And they go, Ari, what are you thinking?

Speaker 6:
[116:34] I'm like, I'm like. And then they go, we're going to do it anyway.

Speaker 1:
[116:41] I still can't get used to the tits. I know, it's pretty hot. It's like confusing.

Speaker 6:
[116:44] I think you're going to take me seriously.

Speaker 2:
[116:46] And if you don't take me seriously, then we have a real problem.

Speaker 5:
[116:50] I like that the sunglasses are in the tits, not in the shirt. That's what I like.

Speaker 1:
[116:54] Oh, I didn't even notice that. Yeah. Look at that.

Speaker 2:
[116:58] Tampa, Florida, Mark Normand.

Speaker 6:
[116:59] Check him out at marknormand.com.

Speaker 2:
[117:01] Punch up. Slash mark.

Speaker 6:
[117:03] Hell yeah.

Speaker 3:
[117:04] Tampa, Florida.

Speaker 2:
[117:06] Gapster Bodega Whiskey, my favorite whiskey in the world. I'm actually bringing this bottle. Do you have an extra bottle?

Speaker 3:
[117:10] Take it, dude.

Speaker 1:
[117:11] We'll give you a bottle.

Speaker 2:
[117:12] Nashville, Tennessee. Zanies, one of the greatest clubs in the country. Pittsburgh, PA. Regina, Saskatoon. Nice. Calgary, the last stop. Wrong club. Minneapolis, Minnesota. Acme. Denver, the Congress. Legitimately the best club. Every time Joe Rogan goes, hey, the Comedy Mothership is the best club, I'm like, no. I mean, dude, to his face, I'll go, it's the Comedy Works.

Speaker 1:
[117:35] Denver, baby.

Speaker 3:
[117:36] He loves it too, though.

Speaker 2:
[117:37] He goes, fair point. Madison, Wisconsin. Charleston, South Carolina.

Speaker 3:
[117:41] Port Lauderdale.

Speaker 2:
[117:42] Austin, Texas.

Speaker 3:
[117:43] All right, we got it. We got it. We're not even in the summer yet. We love you guys. Thank you so much. We'll see you next week.

Speaker 1:
[117:49] Hell yeah.

Speaker 2:
[117:50] Guys, fucking fun.